#with being super aware of myself because of this. where its also like im in survival mode constantly know and it can be easy

[ankhisms]

can i be emotionally vulnerable with you all in the torture dungeon

#anyway. keep feeling weird in a specific way but not really wanting to talk about it with anyone but also not talking about it makes it #feel like its crawling under my skin. and its not necessarily a bad feeling i just have a fucked up traumatized brain that makes #feeling things weird in general. i feel things so strongly or else im numb and outside my body and often struggle #with being super aware of myself because of this. where its also like im in survival mode constantly know and it can be easy #for me to go numb and not feel things or else be just going into panic panic panic hell freakout but beyond that it can be very hard #for me to identify feelings and such and having sat with this feeling its like. ok i think ive identified this but it feels #weird for me and i dont know what to do with this. should i do anything with this. probably not. and that carries its own #various baggage and relation to other issues im realizing i said i was going to be vulnerable but now i am just being very #vague about everything im saying. as you can tell i have problems and am noy good at being vulnerable #tldr feelings are weird. ive been feeling weird lately in specific ways that i dont know how to deal with but its not really bad but does #relate to certain issues i have with myself but idk really what to do besides just feeling it and letting it pass #but sometimrs iy has made me want to bang my head against a wall

[scribbledghost]

I have a suggestion for a promp!! ✋feel free to consider it if it fancies you, disregard if it doesn't 💕 i felt like it might interest you, bc I really loved the drabble about reader being on base and the alarm going off and her finally meeting ghost, so to say! i feel like you might like the vibe of this as well. idk how to word it well, but i love stories where the two whole different worlds of a couple meet/merge bc of A Situation which lays their differences bare, their consequent reaction to their so's/the situation at hand itself etc

i saw this super cute tiktok the other day of a couple, where the husband/bf? is trying to instill more safety awareness into his partner, he pretends to leave the house, closes the front door and even fakes his footsteps but then knocks on the door to see if his gf will automatically open up assuming its him or look thru the peephole to see who it is

she doesn't ask, and opens up right away (like most of us would do i mean lbr!!) and he berates her for it while she playfully waves it off as him being too paranoid and so serious (mannnn I wish I had it saved!!!) and idk i think was just such super cute moment and I could totally see simon and his so in this situation. Simon has more than his fair share of awareness of what could and does go wrong in the world and is determined to "train" his gf and give a safety drill whenever he sees the opportunity for it (he might even do so bc he is, unconsciously or not, trying to protect her from a fate his family faced because of him) but his gf is happily unaware of that dark side of the world and is like "🤷‍♀️aww but i just knew it was you babe besides im pretty sure nothing could get past you to get to me anyway💕💕" and he is both baffled bc of her casualness (she's a civilian but still), somewhat amused bc he can never get "mad" at her, it would be like getting mad at a puppy who doesn't get a trick right on the first try, and he feels his heart swell because she feels, she knows nothing would get past him to hurt her. he would die sooner than to have a hair on her head harmed (ok this got angsty real quick!!!🥹💕❤️)

🌻anon (also I am sorry for the wall of text omg!!! English isn't my first language so i guess I overcompensate to explain myself wow!! You are a gem in this fandom btw??? I honestly love how detailed your writing is. Quality work, top notch!👌😘💕)

Note: I have been staring at the last paragraph of this for the past five minutes because thank you so so much???? (Also your English is perfect I promise) it seriously means so much to me to hear people like my writing 🥺💖💖 But this definitely interests me! (Personally, I'm wildly paranoid about my own safety, so I'd definitely be checking that peephole every time lol but we're gonna disregard that)

"Love, you're gonna end up givin' me more gray hairs than I've already got."

"And why's that?"

Simon pinches the bridge of his nose and lets out a huff. He's not angry - he doesn't think he could ever be angry at you (at least not for long) - but he's starting to wonder if you've got any self-preservation instincts at all.

This isn't the first time you've failed one of his many "safety tests," as you call them. From leaving your car unlocked while you're sitting in it to opening a window overnight when the weather permits, he swears he's aged a decade since living with you. Price had once told him that worrying for your safety was part of the package of loving a civilian, but Simon hadn't quite predicted he'd be worrying this much.

"How many times have I told you to check before you open the door?" he asks.

"But I knew it was you. You just left," you chirp. Good lord, you're too cute for your own good.

"And if it hadn't been me?" he asks. "If someone had taken me out on my way to the car then come to you? You've got to start considering the possibilities, love."

To your average outsider, it probably seems like he's berating you. But the way your eyes sparkle at him tells him you know better. Chastising you, perhaps, but there's no true anger there.

Instead, there's an undercurrent of fear. He knows the consequences of opening the door to the wrong person. And he knows that if the day ever comes when he comes home to blood on the walls and the sight of your lifeless eyes, he'll sit next to you and make sure he dies there too.

But that's a road Simon doesn't want to go down. Not right now, anyway. Not when you're here, smiling at him with mischief in your gaze.

"Simon, be real. I know nothing can get past you to get to me."

He feels his heart rise when you tell him this. Of course, he knows in his soul that he'd never let anything harm you. He knows he'd do unspeakable things to keep you safe. But to hear you say that you know it too sends warmth through his chest.

"Be that as it may," he says, unable to stop himself from quirking a small grin, "you still need to check. Just to be safe."

He grabs your hand as you raise it to wave him off, pulling you slightly closer and angling your chin so he can really look at you and convey the seriousness of his words.

"Please, love," he says. "For me?"

Your gaze softens as you lean into his touch.

"Okay, Simon," you murmur to him. "I promise I'll check before I open the door. For you."

Part of him isn't quite sure if he believes you. But for now, he lets himself feel relieved anyway.

"Good," he says as he leans in to kiss you. "I'll hold you to that."

#simon ghost riley #simon riley x reader #simon riley x you #simon ghost x reader #simon ghost riley x reader #ghost scribbles

[pearl-likes-pi]

i honestly dont know hoe to say this, but you really had a hand in shaping my brai chemistry while i was growing up, no kidding. i remember when i was 13 or so and whenever you posted a pearl rap career chapter it would unironicaly make my day (specially when you dropped the peridot chapter i had a stomach infection or smth, so that video and the last one out of beach city episode were on replay for me for a few days). its really weird seeing that rebecca managed to make a safe space for lgbt folks (it was really hard for me to accept myself as gay, it seems really simple nowadays but back then it was so discomforting to even thinm about it so su and its fandom, and by some extent, your vids, helped me externalize some feelings or queernes i guess, do you remeber when someone said your video editing was raw and masculine? lol). anyways, its wild to think i was in 5th grade when i first watched laser light canon and now im finishing my journalism course in college and seeing how this show raised me in some way and helped me to be aware of my own mental health i only have good memories, thankfully, and its really sad to see that it ended, but i honestly wouldnt have had it any other way. its kind of a long rant but id like to thank you, mackenzie, your videos made me laugh a lot when i was a teen and they still make me now. this show was truly a gift, it made us connect to something bigger and magical. this was kind of a long rant since ive kinda forgotten that su existed and remined that it existed because of some dreams lol. i remembered back then when i was super anxious about the cluster episode, i remeber checking your tumblr everyday and seeing fanon content. i really dont know how to express myself since english is not my first language and i tend to ramble on a lot on my native one, but id like to say youve made me smile a lot, it was so cool seeing you present the su podcast and being an intern at CN. i honestly wish you the best.

Dude it means so much to hear that my lil shitposts have had an impact on people!!!! I completely understand where youre coming from re: SU's impact on your life (and acceptance of queer identity) and feel the same way!!! im so grateful for this show and everything it represents. in a world without Steven Universe my current life would be completely unrecognizable. like genuinely I dont think any single aspect of my life would be the way it is without SU. which is nuts but it's true!!!

I love engaging with this community and it gave me a lot of support when I was at a place in my life where I felt pretty isolated. I'm kind of rambling now too but this seriously has been sitting in my inbox for a bit now and I just knew i needed to respond and say thank you for sharing. <3

ALSO LMAO I FORGOT ABT THE RAW AND MASCULINE COMMENT THANK YOU FOR REMINDING ME HAHA

[catgirlbussy]

im gonna do a lil sadpost, as a treat. if u dun wanna read that or interact or anything there's no harm done <3 it kinda feels nice sayin stuff into the void tbh, cause i know as i look out ill always see myself at minimum, and im still thankful. im alive. if someone can relate or whatever then thats a neat bonus ★

I'm not super sure how to formulate these thoughts, cause lots of it is just incompressible /feeling/. I've been on HRT for close to two years now, and modifying my internal physical landscape alongside the work I put in with the ways I've learned sharing benefit so far, like therapy and self-directed exploration of my emotions and the simple but vital practice of being more open with others about how I'm feeling, has uncovered a lot.

It's been overwhelmingly positive in so many ways. I don't have any regrets for starting this set of changes, even with full knowledge of the difficulties I've had rise as a result and that more are on the horizon, and also full awareness in that I will need to continue putting in the *good* work to care for myself and learn how to navigate the parts in my mind I'd kept hidden or obscured for so long. It's not /bad/, I feel so grateful to have this opportunity at all and I feel bounteous joys in this trove of beautiful experiences that, up 'till not too long ago, I never thought I'd be able to experience -- though I absolutely still dreamed of having them so vividly.

I have a lot of good graces in my life re: my transition. In a lot of ways I feel I've been exceedingly lucky. Canada has its fair share of problems without a doubt, but I also know full well there are a lot more places on our planet where it's much more difficult to be openly trans, let alone dangerous or lethal. I don't take that as an opportunity to rest, either, because having cracks forming in the firmament, letting in light to my dream of a world where trans experiences are accepted (and to note most thoroughly, I'm learning more of a lot of cultures in days gone by, /including some aspects of my own heritage/, having extended gender representations ingrained in their societal norms, some as far even to revere the dynamic and unique experience of existing beyond the gender binary in whatever way they saw as such) for **everyone** spurs in me an even deeper and impassioned drive to work in the ways I'm able to foster communication and connection while rebuking hostility so more and more beautiful, valid trans folks can experience respite and respect and safety as well.

I'm not wanting necessarily to change minds and upend the posture of society with this particular post, though, and so I hope you'll forgive me in my expressing my small, localised set of emotions in this moment. At the root of everything I experience I'm starting to get better at reminding myself that I'm a valid *individual person* in addition to being a contributor in the push for good and kindness for all.

It's probably telling that I feel the need to offer ~4 paragraphs as a disclaimer that I spend time learning about the global scale and am effortful in enacting progress there before just getting on with what I'm even feeling sad about. I don't see myself as a holy martyr for being nervous about expressing myself, but it seems more and more common evidently rather than by my hypothesis alone that many trans individuals would get by prior to exploring their gendered identity with burgeoning self-acceptance with a marked self-exclusionary behaviour when it came to opening themselves to emotional experience, regardless of any given instance being gendered or not. Until it becomes unmanageable, it feels easier to lock away senses of joy, sadness, etc. cause you can keep gettin on by in a sort of functional state and you tell yourself thats enough.

This is far from the worst thing I've come across so far, but I am feeling confused and the confusion is unique in its own way to the extent that I'm not even able to pin down how I /feel/ about feeling it. At its heart I can't seem to muster the right formulation of words to explain to others these particular experiences I'm having in my transition. Painting in broad strokes can be such disservice to the nuance for any individual's cluster of experiences, but tumblr if anything *for me* has brought much happiness in finding threads of commonality with others. Stark contrasts to my feelings of loneliness and seclusion from the world around me give me so much hope. I'm writing this partly in hopes that there is another one of those threads people might appreciate seeing. I do more than my fair share of journaling, but this one feels special and worth sharing right now, and so decadently I write these words for a community beyond myself.

To be blunted, perhaps I might phrase it by saying 'i feel sad about being happy.' It's that sort of absurdist perspective that helps me wrap my head around it a little better with how little sense it makes to my normal machinations. I'm not sad that I am having these new and thrilling experiences of adding or or changing parts of myself to live in the way I best see fit for who I am, but I feel sad because I don't know how to.

I get locked up at the slightest things. Someone compliments my nails, and its so hard to communicate efficiently the impossibly depthed importance this literally surficial act has for me. They aren't even painted well, but I painted them /myself/, I felt catharsis in exploring my love of artistic expression in the choice of colours, I rode high on the thrill of watching this new skill form in my own hands. The coat is uneven and I can't quite keep myself from getting knicks in places as they dry yet and I'm still practicing the nail care associated with maintaining healthy and resilient nails, but if I can be so bold to say, god forbid women do anything.

This person obviously wasn't chastising me for partaking in a traditionally "femininely-associated act", let alone that so thoroughly most things people take for gendered in no way innately are, the whole binary supposition is a damned myth. But because of how I was brought up and the mindset I was taught to have before I fought to think for myself instead, this was a joy I'd always admired but felt I was abhorrent for wanting to partake in. Absolutely anyone who feels otherwise can irrevocably go fuck themselves if they aren't willing to examine the falsity of the foundational thoughts they 'think' they have leading them to ever want someone to abstain from such a viscerally unobstructive and innocuous form of self exploration and creativity bexause it's "for girls". This goes for anything. For anyone. Idc who you are or what label you wanna use at any given moment, go explore. Live life. God fuck do we need people to just experience joy in some ways so we aren't so incorrigible and hostile towards eachother.

But you don't stop whoever took 15 seconds out of their say to mention to you they like the colour and wanted you to know to discurse at length upon the structural bastardisation of who people are allowed to be, cause more than any of that I just want to feel happy about it.

I literally stutter out whatever form of thanks my malformed emotionally-communicative faculties can muster in this surprise and try not to start sobbing in the grocery store aisle or whatever. It's so /good/, and it's so frustrating that I don't even know how to just process and appreciate that it is.

I was so much an absentee in my own bodied self that I could not fathom an understanding of what gender euphoria was until it snuck up smashed me in the teeth. I didn't have any basis of understanding for what it was really like to be happy about some part of myself.

Despite my loneliness I have still had the experiences of friendships, people caring about me, and relationships where a partner genuinely appreciated parts of me, physical, mental, emotional, whatever. More now than ever I am having those experiences as I learn to come out of my cloister inside my head. But this time I'm not just numb to everything. Sure, as I'm learning to not just be unilaterally numb until my bastion of self-isolation fails and I break there is abundance of pain, but the pain I honestly prefer. It's more vivid than it's ever been before, but I can benchmark that I'm still alive by its contrast to neutrality. It's familiar, and my mechanisms of clutching my emotions into my soul can still carry me forward as I try to figure things out. But fuck me is it ever hard to have a happy experience and not know how to communicate that it tore my sense of stability in those moments to shreds. To lose the composure that carried me for so many years because someone sought to share something with me they thought I'd appreciate because they care about me feels so counterproductive to just enjoying the absolute gift that experience is.

Abstractly, as I'm wont to do to a remarkably self-apparent fault, I can tell myself that these things take time. Human emotion is so complex, and its panoply of shifting lights glinting as the facets move their positioning relative to the light of being alive is what drives me to do art, and it always has been, contradictory so fully to my desire to lock everything away. I can't circumnavigate multiple decades of trauma and be free and unfettered in my senses in an instant just because I'm aware it's possible. And so I try so fucking hard not to just sit down and cry in that grocery store aisle, cause it hurts so bad to be happy.

How dare I find glints of good in the polluted landscape we live in. But that mindset helps nothing. People striving to live amidst turmoil is what makes life worth living. There will always be strife, but there will always be the possibility for hope alongside it.

Without fail, each night I'll self-soothe myself into a mode of somewhat-restfulness imagining what it would be like to trust myself enough to be imperfect and let someone hold me. It's the only thing I do anymore. It even backfires sometimes and I just waking-dream my way through countless blissful scenarios about what it would be like if that cute girl I've been starting to become friends with mentioned she wanted to hold my hand for hours until the sun comes up and I know I won't have any sleep at all. It's so goddamn worth it. I revel in it, because at least in the theatre of my mind I can find small ways of letting myself feel those joys. They aren't really happening. It's my own hand rubbing a thumb gently along my collarbone in a faux affection. But it's the only way I've found that's not so obstructively blinding in intensity for me to practice what it would be like to be close to others.

I still lose my sense of self so often. I find bruises from where I bumped into things and wholesale didn't notice until the tiredness sets in and I can't autonomously ignore how sore I am. I dive effortlessly into the placid waters of dissociation when someone gives me a hug, despite that being what I have dreamed of for so many years during my self-imposed isolation. Someone tells me they like an art piece I've made and I stopper any sense of pride or appreciation for their kind words despite pouring however much time channeling my slowly uncoiling understanding of reality into every particle of it and wishing that my experiences could convey any amount of any feeling whatsoever to another living being with the entirely selfish act of wanting that I feel like I had a real connection.

I can't get by with chainsmoking and shelf-set pain medications and blind ignorance any more. I can't ignore how badly I want to feel. I am figuring it out instant by instant and it scares me horribly. One day my yearnings for closeness will be actualised because I'll be ready to open when they come. My selfsense-extracted mutterings of the hypothetical joys of being pressed down into sheets and kissed because someone deigned to gift me with attention for they hold appreciation of this newly forming, ill-configured, but ultimately revelatory feminine self I'm becoming will no longer be fiction and prose but the rawness of experience that I, once, and then more, can lose myself into without terror thay I'm inadequate and never truly worth it. Someone will touch my breasts and love me for loving them myself and I'll give in to the annihilating instant where I am no longer a sense of self but just am. This body is not me but my, and I will scrape and fight however I can muster to live vicariously thru it because that is what I am meant to do by being here alive at all. If anything ever again I want to feel what love is like.

I'm not even reading this back to see if it conveys properly let alone makes sense at all. I'm exhausted and in so much pain. If you read this, thanks, and, if you can, go hug someone you love today.

#acceptance #love #kindness #affection #expression #long post #tldr #hope #trans #transgender #trans femme #trans girl #transition #hrt #hormones #mtf #pride #self love

[remcycl333]

Is putting my awareness on having it the same as feeling it real? I feel like I put too much pressure on trying to feel how I would if I had it in the 3d and that’s where I struggle. I want to manifest moving out and given the circumstances I need it to reflect asap but idk how to feel it real and not panic when the circumstances are all up in my face and taking a toll on me. I’m so sorry if that was a lot, thank you so much for being so patient.

feeling it real doesn't have to feel like happiness or euphoria! sometimes the feeling of knowing doesn't feel like anything. so yes, as long as you're aware of the fact that you have it in imagination, that's enough! i have a friend who manifested her sp, and she said that the whole time she was manifesting her sp she felt anxious about it every day, but she just stood firm in the fact that her sp was hers and it still manifested!

i went through the same thing while manifesting at first. like when i was manifesting my sp a couple years ago, the DAY before he finally reached out to me i was sooo anxious out of nowhere, constantly thinking about how i much be doing everything wrong bc it wasn't here yet, how i needed to start over, how it'd be days without anything, etc, but i'd just talk to myself and be like "no im doing everything right, i already have it, im good, this isn't gonna effect anything bc its mine" etc.

having feelings of anxiety or worry is not a failure on your part, and they won't mess anything up (unless you assume they will). i've read this somewhere, i think it was twitter but i can't remember who said it, but think about anxiety. it's not logical! usually you feel anxious over something that you think will never even actually happen, but you still feel anxious anyway. or i have friends who sometimes say they're super anxious and they don't even know why. i had social anxiety as a teenager and i'd be soo anxious in social settings. what did i think was going to happen? nothing, but i was still anxious for no reason constantly. and my anxiety never manifested, because even i knew it was illogical. it still hindered me in other ways, but it didn't manifest into negative circumstances in my reality!

re-reading your ask i realize u didn't mention anxiety 😭 but im still gonna keep all that in bc i still think you/other people will benefit from those anecdotes! lol

"idk how to feel it real and not panic when the circumstances are all up in my face and taking a toll on me"

in my experience, you don't need to focus on feeling it real constantly! i focus on feeling it real while im imagining, but during the day, i just shift my state when i need to. that being said, there's no pressure to be in the state of the wish fulfilled every second of the day! the main goal is to enter TSOTWF more than the state of lack, but there's also more states you can enter throughout the day! sometimes during the day you're neither in the state of the wish fulfilled nor the state of lack. there's such thing as a neutral state! so if you're panicking and it's hard for you to shift back to your desired state, you can focus on shifting to a neutral state. you can do this by trying to calm yourself down, talking to yourself, meditating, taking deep breaths, etc. if you need to just take deep breaths and think of something else that has nothing to do with your desire, go for it!

if im manifesting something on a time crunch, it always really helps me to just deep breathe and talk to myself, saying things such as "there's nothing to worry about, its mine, it's promised, everything is going to work out perfectly, my 3D is going to change, my inner man already has it and my inner man is me" etc.

i manifested moving out and this was very helpful for me! i dealt with very toxic, narcissistic parents and my family struggled with money for most of my life. sometimes my parents would be yelling at me for no reason and it'd trigger me bc i was manifesting living in my own apartment on my own. in these times i'd focus on remaining calm and staying in a neutral state. eventually it got easier for me and i'd be able to talk to myself in my head while getting yelled at, saying stuff like "im so glad this isn't my life anymore, im so glad i live on my own whew" etc. i'd also imagine that i was just visiting home and i couldn't wait for my visit to be over so i could go back to my own apartment again.

just remember that no matter what happens in your 3D, nothing can stop you from having your desire in your imagination. you moved out in your 4D and nothing can change that! it is fact, and all you have to do is persist in that face. you don't have to gaslight or trick yourself into thinking you moved out in the 3D. you just need to stand firm in the fact you have it in your 4D.

anywayzzz i hope this helps! i hope i answered your question i fear i went on multiple different tangents lol <3

#asks

[gokubrain]

are you aware of the hit vegeta image song ‘love is like a ballad’ from the fusion reborn soundtrack where it’s essentially a kakavege love song 😭😭

https://www.animelyrics.com/anime/dbz/ainobaraado.htm

and i’m 99.9% sure it’s about goku too because it uses the word ‘yatsu’ which is only used by men to refer to other men in a derogatory way… it drives me so insane

OH YOU ALREADY KNOWWWW IM WELL AWARE OF THIS LMFAO thank u for giving me the chance to talk about it HAHA

under here cuz its kind of a lot:

lets break down the lyrics shall we ..

right off the fucking bat. starting off STRONG. for vegeta to even have the thought “on this small earth life must be protected to the end” is such a good line but pairing it with “but whenever i look at you i feel like a fool” CRAAZYYYYY. insane. protecting the earth is a huge part of all the earthlings’ characters, and without goku, vegeta wouldnt have those feelings. to talk about protecting earth in one line and then immediately talk about goku next is wildddd. “i want to protect the earth, you taught me the importance of that, and yet when i look at you im reminded that it’s because of YOU that i hold these feelings about this planet.” like okAAAY alright okay!!

“why do i treat you so harshly? why do i hurt you that way? yet still fight against great evils” GRAAAHHHH this is insane right LMAO

vegeta displaying confusion as to why he treats goku the way he does when they share the same goal.. when they fight the same battles.. this self aware-ness is literally what early-stage kakavege IS dude. vegeta feeling conflicted about his actions vs his emotions is the first step to realizing he’s in love with goku.. haha. lol

“for the sake of love […] i would even throw away my rank” VEGETAAA. WHAT ARE WE TALKING ABOUTTTTT LMFAO….

vegeta suggesting he would disown his own ranking, his pride, something very near and dear to him.. this is also early kakavege core LMAO i mean come on. thats just an insane fucking thing for him to say. unreal.

IT JUST KEEPS GETTING BETTER….!!!

“IN TRUTH, THIS POWER IS NOTHING. ALL I KNOW IS YOU.” VEGETA……..!!!!!!!!

ALL I KNOW IS YOU? ALL I KNOW IS YOU???

“although i pretend to be a steel wall […] all i know is you” is just. i mean. EXPLICITLY kakavege. this is kakavege poetry. this is vegeta’s struggle perfectly put into lyric form. i cant believe this fucking song exists lmfao

NOW. NOW..

“the smile you give me is always warm” is wild when thinking about how the entire fusion reborn movie consists of 45 minutes of goku smiling lovingly at vegeta LMAO DONT EVEN THINK VEGETA DIDNT NOTICE. !!

“here i am, offering myself completely if we can be together”

AINT THAT JUST THE ICING ON THE CAKE FOLKS. DONT THAT JUST BEAT ALL LMFAO. ANYONE ELSE FEEL SUPER NORMAL RN?

offering myself completely. giving my all to you. devoting myself to you. THIS IS ONE OF THE FUCKING BUILDING BLOCKS OF KAKAVEGE DUDE. THIS IS ONE OF THE RUNNING THEMES, A KAKAVEGE LEITMOTIF. THIS IS SO VEGETA. I WANNA DIE LMFAO

“if we can be together” …. i mean. what even is there to say about that. how much more explicit can he be here. this is the most straightforward thing vegeta will ever say in terms of kakavege lmao this is it folks. this is IT !!!

its just unreal right. that a song like this even exists.. i mean its so obviously about goku, talking about training together and vegeta being mean to him and protecting earth together and throwing away his rank….. if you think even for one second that this is about bulma you are BLIND. like lets all be serious a moment lmao

and i love that this is related to fusion reborn of all things. that movie is the fucking kakavege bible dude i SWEAR. this whole song makes so much sense if you see fusion reborn as a love story, it all fits so perfectly with how vegeta would theoretically be feeling during the (vaguely referenced) place in the timeline that this movie takes place. this is buu arc shit baby its the point of no return for vegeta its the beginning of the end.. he is realizing his feelings for goku.. i live for this shit man seriously this is what i thrive on

also the goddamn song is called “love is like a ballad” i mean what else can even be said lmfao ..!

#sorry dude this is on u.. u shouldve known when u sent this ask that i’d be incapable of shutting the fuck up #blame urself. i am but a messenger for the truth #kakavege #dbz #answered

[squarebracketsmileyface]

I don’t remember if I or anyone else has given this song yet… but Tongues & Teeth by The Crane Wives is so Alex

I love this song, but i usually relate it to Desert Duo (from third life and double life, idk if you know what that is but it's a cool minecraft series and its amazing so you should lol) so I'd never even thought about it in the context of Sorry, It's Locked.

But oh my god?

You're so right?

It's so Alex?

Anyway, uh, Too long and very armature analysis incoming. As usual lol. I have far too many thoughts, as always, about my babies, and I've been writing sorry its locked Jam for the last couple days so I need to remind myself of the dumpster fire of a relationship the fic started with :D (I'm kidding, i love Jaylex in this fic and wish I hadn't done them so dirty, they could have been amazing. but also i love angst)

This whole song feel's like Alex kinda, like, reminiscing over his and Jay's relationship? Or, like, how it ended, but like, reminiscing in the moment? Do you know what I mean? Or is reminiscing over something while it's still happening just a me thing lol. Anyway, super long thing incoming (I'm so sorry, it's so long. This song has me in a chokehold).

I've grown a mouth so sharp and cruel It's all that I can give to you, my dear And when you come in quick to steal a kiss My teeth will only cut your lips, my dear

As far as Alex is concerned, his relationship with Jay didn't start out bad. Back in college, when they started their fwb situation it was pretty healthy (though that did go downhill relatively quickly) It started out fine, but tension grew as soon as Alex realized that Jay actually liked him and that he couldn't bring himself to like Jay back, or to allow himself to like Jay back. That started the friction between them, but they kept fucking because it was fun, they both enjoyed themselves, and Jay didn't call it off yet. Alex definitely liked Jay, but he didn't necessarily know he liked Jay back. And didn't know how to express it, so he just didn't.

Then obviously the stuff with the Operator started, and that changed Alex's personality a lot, making him irritable and unpleasant to be around, even for the people he'd been friends with the longest. His mouth grew sharp and cruel, but he didn't break off his thing with Jay because it was the one place where he actually felt in control of his life. Jay did what Alex told him to, and Alex didn't have to wrestle with himself to not be unkind to him, because that was what Jay wanted (as far as he'd made Alex aware, that was what he wanted out of their dynamic)

If Jay tried to initiate anything softer, or more romantic with Alex back in college (or even just mentioned it, sometimes) Alex would shut him down. His teeth cut Jay's lips when Jay went in to steal a kiss, because Alex couldn't let himself get attached, and if he let Jay kiss him without it being used as something to spur them on to acts where Alex was definitively in control, he wouldn't be able to cope with it.

(jesus this is already so long. im so sorry if you decide to read all of this dude)

And I know that you mean so well But I am not a vessel for your good intent

Jay trying to help Alex after they meet up again is pretty much the last thing Alex actually wants. He asked Jay for help to find Amy while his thoughts were being edited and glitched out by the Operator, so when he first got in contact with Jay again, he did it so he could try and kill Jay. Then he regained his senses a little and realized that the absolute worst thing Jay could do was stick around. Like, obviously Jay meant well in trying to help Alex, but Alex hadn't meant well when he'd asked for help.

Jay wants to help, and he want's to rebuild the friendship he once had with Alex. He wants to help find Amy, despite Alex leaving him for her. He wants to help figure out what happened to Alex back in college. He wants to help figure out how to save Alex from what he's figured out happened. But Alex isn't the person Jay's well intentioned helpfulness should be aimed towards.

Alex doesn't really think he needs saving, he's convinced he has to save everyone else. But he has a twisted understanding of what it means to save people, and his idea of saving people often directly lines up with the things the Operator edits his thoughts to make him do. He doesn't (can't) realize that the things he does to save people (killing them) and the things the Operator edits his thoughts to make him think it's okay to do (killing those same people) are the same thing.

When he has a bit more sense about him, he realises that killing because it's what the Operator put in his head is awful and not something he wants to do. But he doesn't see killing people to 'save them' as the same thing. He barely even sees it as killing half the time, and even when he does, it's for the greater good.

So he doesn't think he needs help and he doesn't think he needs saving. And even if he did realise he needs help, Alex doesn't believe himself worthy of being helped or saved, not when he knows what he really intended to do when he first asked Jay for help.

I will only break your pretty things I will only wring you dry of everything And if you're fine with that You can be mine like that

SO i have two lines of thinking about what this verse could mean

Post College:

Alex doesn't break pretty items that Jay owns (he doesn't have any that Alex could break, really) but he does break Jay in a way. After they argue in the parking lot, he realizes that Jay isn't going to stop trying to help him, no matter what, so he'll have to force him to, by breaking Jay's heart and making him hate him.

Jay's heart is a pretty thing: It was loving even when Alex was giving it nothing but a good fuck in return. It made Jay help Alex with his student film even as Alex became more and more unbearable to work with. It made Jay come back to help Alex all over again when his girlfriend 'disappeared'.

Alex had to save Jay, and his own (deeply buried) feelings for Jay stopped him from just killing him like he had to save Amy, and Seth, and Sarah, and all the others. He had to find another way, and the only way he could think of was to wring Jay dry of every ounce of care he still held for Alex.

OR

During College:

Alex wasn't trying to hurt Jay and break his heart, if anything he felt constantly like he was doing nothing but breaking his own heart over and over again by denying himself the chance to actually date Jay. So he kept up the fwb situation with Jay because it 'suited' both of them (aka neither of them voiced the issues they had with it to the other) until he'd wrung Jay dry and an opportunity to escape having to deal with his own sexuality (Amy) came along.

But, if Amy hadn't come along and offered Alex the perfect way out, he would have kept the fwb going for as long as he could, not willing to give up having Jay in the only way he felt he could until he absolutely had to. If Jay could be fine with that, he could be Alex's like that, with their relationship never progressing and only ever wearing the two of them down until they resented each other and couldn't take it anymore.

They were never not going to go down in flames, but they could light the fire with wet wood and suffocate slowly on the smoke until the fire finally took and burned them up quickly and painfully.

Abandon all your stupid dreams About the girl I could have been, my dear 'Cause in the night I know you burn with feelings I cannot return, my dear Oh, my dear

In college, Alex was silently begging Jay to give up his hopes of ever actually dating him, of them being together officially. He knew what Jay wanted him to be to him, but he also knew that he couldn't be that. He wanted to, somewhere squashed deep down, he really really wanted to be the soft, loving, romantic partner that Jay was waiting and hoping he'd turn into, but he knew it wouldn't happen. Maybe he didn't realize all of that consciously. Consciously he probably just thought he didn't like Jay like that at all, that he was just a good lay and that was the end of it. But he had one too many dreams about taking Jay on quiet, gentle dates for him to really only see Jay as a good fuck.

The thing is though, that he knows what Jay wants them to be to each other. He knows from the way that Jay looked at him whenever he messes up and starts treating him a little nicer, a little gentler, a little softer, when they fuck.

He knows that during those moments where they still together and catch their breaths, and Jay looks up at him like he's hung the stars just because he's brushing his sweaty hair out of his face, that Jay has those feelings and those hopes. And he knows he can't return those feelings. He can't return the love that Jay lavishes on him by not telling him to fuck off and going and finding someone who is willing to treat him the way he really wants to be treated. It kills him, but there's nothing he can do about it.

(Also good news, you're about half way through :D whoooooo, the torment isn't eternal!)

You gotta know that this won't last Desperation will erase the fact I'm keeping all Of the answers in my cigarette box Yeah, the answer's in the second before the other shoe drops And if you're blind to that I am fine with that

Back in college, Alex needed Jay to know that their arrangement couldn't last, that as much as Jay wanted it to work and wanted Alex to magically sort out the shit in his head that left him too scared to even properly date Jay in secret rather than just being fwb, it wouldn't. Alex needed Jay to know that it wouldn't change unless it was to break the whole thing off entirely, which is what happened, it was what was always going to happen. But if Alex could have made Jay realize that that was what he should have expected, and that nothing he could do would 'fix' that, maybe the not-breakup wouldn't have hurt Jay so badly.

Alex didn't want to hurt him, he wasn't trying to hurt him back in college, he was just trying to stop himself from hurting by continuing their fwb relationship. Alex's life was spiraling out of control, his own thoughts were spiraling out of his control, as were his actions sometimes, and the only time he felt secure in his control over himself and his life, was when he was controlling Jay in scenes.

The answers he always gave Jay when Jay got up the courage to try to talk about their relationship, and what he hoped it could become, weren't the truthful answers. Alex told him he didn't like him back, told him he was just a good fuck, when the real answer was that he was terrified out of his mind, and the idea of changing their relationship even a little felt dangerous. Because their fwb relationship worked and it gave Alex the control he needed, if they started dating that would bring in a huge amount of unknown variables, and if it ended up not working? That would leave Alex with nothing. Not to mention the general internalized homophobia, and the homophobia all around them meaning that it could be genuinely dangerous for both of them if the wrong people found out.

So he keeps all the real answers hidden away in a place Jay won't look for them, in a 'cigarette box' (behind the lies he tells instead) because it's something easily hidden, its something that wouldn't look out out of place, just like the lies he tells don't look out of place. Jay has no real reason to question the answers Alex gives him, they make sense and Alex's behavior seems to back up the idea that he doesn't like Jay the same way Jay likes him.

And Jay's desperation to have a relationship with Alex blinds him to the fact that it could actually be possible if only Alex would stop lying to him. Any time Jay sees a crack in Alex's facade he second guesses himself, insisting that it's just wishful thinking and that little glimpse behind the walls Alex has built was just something his hopeful, lovesick mind made up. It's always a split second, something so tiny and easy to miss that Jay automatically dismisses it.

Oh, I will ruin you Oh, I will ruin you It's a habit, I can't help it I know that you mean so well But I am not a vessel for your good intent

After college, when Jay and Alex meet up again and everything that happens after the argument in the parking lot happens, Alex knows that it's a terrible idea. He knows that all it'll do is reopen old, half healed, half festering wounds and rub salt in them, but Jay wants it, and he wants Jay so he doesn't stop them. He's lost all of his friends (whether to death or just distance), he's lost Amy, and the only thing he has left is an old, already failing not-relationship with Jay. So to tries to make himself feel better by rekindling that.

He and Jay fuck in the parking lot and Alex realizes that this is most likely going to be the last chance he ever gets to have Jay back, even just for one night. And if this is the last chance, he doesn't want it to be exactly the same as it was in college, so he takes Jay back to his house and does all the things he'd been too scared to back in college. Because who would find out? And if anyone did? Why would it matter, Alex's life had already fallen apart and become controlled by fear and a monster, what was getting beaten up for being queer in comparison to that?

This was his last chance to have Jay back, and Alex knew he had to make sure of that. He couldn't drag Jay into all of this, so he had to ruin everything in the worst way possible, and having taken Jay back to his house and treated him so nicely was (instead of coming back to bite him in the ass) going to work in his favor. Even in being nice, he was going to be hurting Jay, but that was what he had to do. Hurting Jay is a habit he can't kick, it's woven into his dna at this point and there's nothing he can do about that other than try to twist it into being something that's for Jay's own sake.

If he can just make Jay hate him enough, he can save him, he can drive him away and Jay won't be a target of the man in the black suit.

I will only break your pretty things I will only wring you dry of everything But if you're fine with that If you're fine with that

Same as earlier :]

I will poison all your happy thoughts I will love you like the ashes in my cigarette box And if you're fine with that You can be mine If you're fine with that You can be mine, oh

Jay's 'happy thoughts' that Alex is poisoning are the memories of how nicely Alex treated him when they got back to his house. In the moment of it all, he wasn't thinking of anything other than showing Jay how much he actually cared about him and how he should have been being treated all along. In the moment he just wanted to be good to Jay. It was only afterwards that he realized what he'd have to do, and he took the next morning to spit poison into their breakfast, which could have been a turning point in their relationship if only they weren't doomed by the damn narrative.

So Alex ruins the night before for Jay by telling him he hadn't even wanted to remember that it was him he was fucking. He poisons those memories forever, as well as poisoning the idea of being treated well in general for Jay.

Alex loves all those truthful answers that he kept hidden away behind lies back in college. Those truths are what he was trying to finally finally let out when he and Jay spent the night together at his house.

He loves Jay like he loves those truthful answers that he never got to give him back in college, bitterly. Those truths were things he never thought he'd get to, never wanted to get to tell Jay, they sat rotting behind the lies he told, and now he can only look at them with a painful sort of nostalgia because it's too little too late.

#marble hornets #jay merrick #alex kralie #jaylex #marble hornets fanfic #MH sorry its locked

[eeveekitti]

can u pls tell me what entropy: zero, ultrakill, half-life, and hlvrai are, i sometimes see u post about them but. i have no idea /gen

thank you so much actually i love talking about stuff i like okok

ULTRAKILL first because it's the only one not half-life related [and yes the title of the game is just capitalized like that im not shouting i swear]

ultrakill is a retro-style FPS game where you play as a robot that runs on blood, hence the tagline: "mankind is dead, blood is fuel, hell is full" most of the game really just consists of V1 [robot] killing its way through hell, but the subtext to the story thus far is REALLY COOL and also THE archangel gabriel is there and has a gay awakening via getting his ass kicked

good game highly suggest!! it's getting the first part of its act 3 update this month too

the rest are all based around half-life itself so we start there!!

half-life is another FPS game from like 1998?? and it's one of THE most influential in the industry the first game follows gordon freeman through the "black mesa incident"/resonance cascade, basically being an alien invasion shooter, but with plot and directive to it! i haven't much to say on HL1 myself since i didn't play it buut

there's also half-life 2 and the episodes, which is really where the story shines in my opinion, though i may be biased since that's where the combine are introduced, and i. i adore the combine so much theyre SO INTERESTING

these are also where the good ol headcrab come from

entropy: zero is a couple of mods for half-life 2 [ez1 and ez2 respectively] and they both follow a specific combine cop-- so you're playing as the bad guy! very fun 10/10 best game i've ever played im so abnormal about it even after like 6-7 months the second one has my FAVORITE CHARACTER EVER

hlvrai [half-life vr but the ai is self aware] is the only non-game on the list it's actually a series on youtube of just a guy and his friends fuckin around in half-life 1 that accidentally got a TON of story to it

all of these are super good and i love them a lot!!

#ask eeveekitti #long post #oops #sorry i have. i have so many thoughts i did try to give a basic rundown though #im also terrible at explaining anything at all

[utilitycaster]

@burr-ell replied to your post “Just saw someone posit that Bor’Dor is secretly a...”:

hold up i think im missing something, what's moon theory??

So: it's been long enough and we've gotten enough actual moon lore since that I no longer go full Kill Bill sirens, and I've had several dubious wine cooler freezer pop...things so let's do this.

The basic gist of the most well-known moon theory is that Fjord is from the moon. I do not recall if it specified which moon. I am not, to be honest, entirely sure if the people who put forth this theory were aware that Exandria had two moons. I think they were aware it had multiple moons but I am not positive that at the time of the theory they could name them.

Of course, there is lore. I'm not up on all of it and as mentioned, drinking, and it was like, not quite three years ago when it reached its height and I haven't rewatched the video that caused this to circulate on Tumblr since. If you want to watch the full video, which is very stupid and poorly edited, you can watch it here.

Anyway: the theory was that Fjord, a half-orc, was actually one of the space orcs from the Spelljammer setting, which are "cleverly" called Scro. (This is also the origin story on why I immediately assume that anyone super into Spelljammer has the cognitive capabilities of a grilled cheese sandwich, an assumption that has not yet failed me.) The reason why was that he was "too small" to be a half-orc (he's on the small side but, contrary to what fanartists will have you believe, well within normal bounds of half-orc sizes) and also he was too smart to be an orc. This, when you realize this video was made in August 2020, ie, many discussions about racial essentialism in general and in D&D specifically are being had, really gives you a sense of the brain trust we are working with here.

The basis of the theory beyond that is...incomprehensible. It mostly rests on panels in which Matt is like "yeah Spelljammer sure does exist" or the fact that Travis, when asked point blank if Fjord was from the moon, gave the sort of "what the FUCK" stare one might expect. Apparently the video is about other moon theories as well but I could not tell you what they were because it's mostly just a series of (poorly) edited clips in which the moon is mentioned. There is no thesis. There is no argument. It's the Moon Moon of YouTube videos. I do distinctly remember that Keyleth being a Circle of the Moon druid is mentioned for no particular reason other than the word "Moon" is there. It's essentially a compilation of times the word "moon" exists. It's so fucking stupid. It also, as I recall, and I want to note at this point that I've done a significant amount undergrad-level work in astronomy and cosmology so you can see how painful this is to me, rested heavily on not understanding that the Astral Plane and Outer Space are different locations. But it is almost an hour long, and again, it aired in August 2020 with all that entails, so it unfortunately caught on like Circle of the Moon Wildfire.

Anyway. The point is that some people took "if you can't blind them with brilliance, dazzle them with bullshit" very much to heart and there was a month or so in the CR fandom where everyone was like "lol Fjord is an alien from the moon haha" which very much sucked, but fortunately, and I cannot believe I'm saying this, the shipping discourse of Rumblecusp served as a fucking balm in comparison since at least it was fandom bullshit as usual rather than a no intelligent life on this planet scenario, though it was definitely being unfunnily joked about for quite some time after. I'm sure it has pockets of supporters somewhere but I think anyone watching Campaign 3 can feel confident that it's been soundly debunked.

Anyway I searched my blog and I found this from that era which, if I do say so myself, is pretty funny.

#burr-ell #cr tag

[shytastemakerthing]

hi id like to request a romantic twst matchup ^_^ i dont label my gender/sexuality and the way i present myself fluctuaes but i could consider myself as androgyne (he/she). im an afro-carib with caramel brown skin, 4a curly hair. im more on the chubby side with a round face (two moles on each side) and apple body shape. i have a bit of a resting bitch face as well.. and my voice is at most monotone amd flat.

im pretty calm and mellow most of the time.. like an observer in the background. im a soft-spoken guy. usually im relaxed and unshaken, though my motivation seems to come on a whim every other day so i may seem out of it at times. its easy to keep my composure for most things and keep my emotions in check.  i have tendencies to be passive-aggressive when provoked and im kinda stubborn but i swear that im chill and friendly.

its easy for me to pick up from setbacks. im naturally intelligent but i dont really study to keep it.. its not like i dont want because, im quite self-aware, its just the lack of motivation. im also quite clever when the time comes and people still seem surprised abt it. im also a realist and i tend to give advice rather than comfort when the time comes. when im around the people i love i seem more chatty that usual, not like super loud or outgoing but im def enjoying myself.

i also laugh at like everything even if its unfunny as hell. my humor is mostly sarcasm and satire tbh. i like trying new things for the sake of trying new things. i also like playing video games, indulging in my interests (drawing, fashion, movies, etc) or whatever seems to catch my eye. ive been wanting to get a bass guitar and grow a garden one day. im also told im quite good with babies but not toddlers. quite the pacifier. my love languages are quality time and parallel play and id like to receive acts of service and words of affirmation (or the ones i give). thanks!! ^_^

A/N: Hello and thank you so much for your request, anon! I do hope that you like your match-up! Enjoy!

Tw: None

I match you with..........

Ruggie Bucchi

Honestly, with how crazy his life is, between doing jobs for Leona, jobs for anyone else, trying to get his schoolwork done, being like an unofficial vice housewarden for Savanaclaw, he needs someone who is as calming as yourself, After such a long day, knowing that he could easily retreat into the safety and comfort of your arms makes his hyena beyond thrilled. It's his favorite part of the day.

Ruggie loved just how real you can be about things. Too many people just beat around the bush or try to sugar coat things when there are times where you just need the brutal honesty of a situation. Seeing how he grew up, it was easy to say that he had a similar mindset. Not everything is all sunshine and rainbows. So the fact that you'll just tell him things as they are, no beating around the bush or trying to make things better, it is something that he greatly admired about you.

Look at the hyena and tell me he isn't sarcastic in some way, shape, or form. Sure, he absolutely loved himself a good laugh, oh, but he just loved your sarcasm. It always brings a snicker out of him. This means he will also get sarcastic with you and at you, or crack some jokes as well, some being better than others.

Seeing how you keep your composure is something that's always impressed him (even more so if your the Ramshackle prefect, because if he was ripped out of his world, put in a brand new one where he knew absolutely nothing, put in a dorm that was falling apart at the very foundation, he didn't think he could keep his cool the way that you do), and he certainly thinks that a lot of the students here could learn a thing or two from you.

Oh, he absolutely loves your hair! He has seen hair like yours before, but not often. Now, he is a very dedicated partner (and also got some experience with a lot of the kids that were in the village he grew up in), meaning he learned everything about your specific style of hair. How to care for it, how to style it, the whole nine yards. If you ever need someone to work with and style your hair, he's the hyena for the job (he will even do it for free....... or maybe at least for a doughnut)

Overall, Ruggie is a very dedicated partner. He may not have much, but he finds anyway that he can be able to show that he can provide for you. Just the fact that you actually looked his way and gave him a chance means more to him than you could ever possibly know.

#twisted wonderland #twisted wonderland x reader #twst x reader #twst #matchups #twst imagines #disney twisted wonderland #romantic #twst ruggie #ruggie bucchi x reader #ruggie x reader #ruggie bucchi #twisted wonderland ruggie #twst ruggie bucchi #shy answers #shy writes

[royrockstone]

I’m so obsessed with everything you write, you understand Roman so well and I look forward to every update of the water runs off your skin extended universe. I don’t have any specific asks but if you could share any thoughts you have about Roman and his food issues and i would be so happy

HI HELLO thank you for swinging by the inbox <3 and ty for reading!

obviously i could talk about this for a rlllly long time (and have!) so these are just various thoughts that have been bouncing around in my skull

im rlly into the idea, esp right now, of the eating disorder functioning as a way to "have his own identity" and have a thing thats secret and just belongs to him and has nothing to do with logan, which gives him a sense of mastery over his body and the world-- and then realizing (or not realizing) that its always actually been about logan, about being worthy of care and attention, about being in control and not needing things, about being a plausible heir because he's proven his "strength." everything is about logan, everything loses its meaning without him.

in my head the food issues are canon but not canon-- v roman its-a-joke-except-its-not. (am i delulu for this? idk) i feel like kieran does give it a little play with his acting choices, and atp the writers directors and editors are aware that that's his interpretation so im allowing myself to lie to myself about this.

i do rlly like the interpretation of his Issues where he, rather than eating Staple Anorexic Foods like diet coke or rice cakes or whatever, he just picks at Manly Foods or stops eating altogether. this works fantastically thematically (masculinity and abstention and whatnot) but im super guilty of straying from this bc i like the narrative space that just like having him show obvious textbook Signs and Symptoms gives me. that being said he does eat A Lot of fruit and thats safe food coded

i also think its totally valid to think roman is unconscious/in abject denial of his ed. like theres certainly a version of him that would never use those words and couldn't admit it to himself that i buy. but i prefer the Self Aware But Can't Change version (also like its hard to write 100K+ about a guy who can't name the problem. a better writer than me could probably do it lol)

TY for the question it took me a while to form coherent thoughts bc theres sm there

#eating disorders// #i dont usually tag that bc this is the Eating Disorders Account #but this is A Lot so

[cherryflavoredfruitloops]

TLDR: eridan is me but an alien and a boy

me when my favorite character is one who is almost hated by the entirety of the fandom. if you didnt catch on, im talking about eridan ampora. son of a bitch, terrible person, troll version of a racist, ect. but its a lot of the parts that kind of get glossed over that make me love him. dont get me wrong, a lot of qualities of all the trolls get glossed over. but he reminds me of me, and that is both bad and good. now, in an ideal world, i wouldnt be talking about this since the place i am in in the comic is on the newer side of things, i am only on page 2456, a lot more to go, i am aware. however, i am impatient and loving sharing my thoughts on characters i like! also, i am not one of those people who hates feferi because she broke up with eridan, (i am aware of later parts in the comic, i liked watching videos on it but never had the motivation to read all of the pages) feferi had every right to do so since their relationship isnt the healthiest, (probably will make a separate post on that) and i also love feferi because she is just so silly. but thats off topic. say what you want about zodiac bias, eridan is weirdly like me. i know eridan did a lot of wrong, but so did vriska! (i know she has a redemption arc) (+i love her too) (i dont have many characters i hate) but no more introduction! time for the meat of this post.

i like eridan a lot because hes like me. (i know thats been stated at least 6 times by now) reason one, hes over dramatic with his emotions. i think of it as less of a drama queen/king thing, but more of a i am very emotional and have a hard time understanding my emotions, basically oversensitive. i myself am oversensitive.

in one of his earliest panels, hes criticizing himself for being stupid and trusting the same person whose been known to fuck with him. i did that for 3 years straight, where you can see all of the persons character flaws, but you still want to be their friend or want to date them. i would get so stupidly angry with myself since i knew they were a bad person, but still chose to hang around them. in a later one he reminisces on the good times he spent with vriska. sometimes, i do this. ill miss something about the person who fucked with me.

eridan is also a rude fucker! i am too, not proud of it, definitely need anger management or therapy or both. this is seen in his earliest appearance, not mention! his earliest mention is about a doomsday device. no, i am talking about the chat he had with kanaya. in this conversation, hes seen trying to manipulate/convince kanaya into auspiticing (horrendously spelt, i know) between him and vriska. hes very rude in his tactics, not a single nice one, as much as i remember from that chat. i hate to say this too, but i do do stuff like that sometimes. it gets hard and foggy for me to properly process what i want, or the nicest way for me to say what i want, so i just demand it. it often gets me in trouble, and is not a good thing to do.

next, is how he loves gossip. (wow, every second this turning more and more into pointing out the obvious and talking about how i relate to it instead of glossed over facts!) i like gossip. its fun to point out peoples flaws and make fun of them, not the nicest thing, but oh well. a lot like my other points, this is revealed in another really early panel of his. in his first pesterlog with feferi, she talks about how he talks more about his problems with his gossip bud than her. i too gossip. thats about it for that point, very weak point i know.

the orchestrating point of the night is super anti-climatic and feeds into that state the obvious joke i made. hes inlove with feferi. a long term moirail, who thinks of him as nothing more. hell! in the panel right after their first onscreen pesterlog shes talking about how she should tell him how she truly feels with a frown on her face, indicating she was already thinking of breaking up with him. she doesnt even pity him anymore, and hes wants to move onto a more redder quadrant with her. i, too, have fallen victim to this. you think of somebody romantically so long just to learn they dont like you romantically, maybe not even platonically. it shatters your world. though unlike eridan, i didnt kill the person i had crush on. i just felt sad for like a month because i had this crush on them for 2 years. (like eridan)

eridan is objectively a bad person and bad character. you dont have to like him the way i do, but for my sanity, please dont flame me for thinking like this. anyways, you are all amazing and i hope you have a good night/day/evening!

#homestuck #eridan ampora #homestuck eridan #hs eridan #essentially just an essay #essay #i love eridan ampora so much #eridan ampora is a dick but hes like me so i dont care #wrote this instead of cleaning #wrote this while listening to brand new city by mitski

[yuukei-yikes]

would you talk about shintaro's romantic relationships post str? im really curious about how what happens between shinaya breakups and after. how'd he hit on takane? how did they get together with kano? what does ayano think abt all of this?

ive had this ask in my inbox for like 3 weeks idk why cuz i love it but. ok u gotta hear me out for a second. im gonna repeat myself A LOT A LOT ALOT but i have a lot of fun doing that💗 this ended up super long because im sick in the head.

after shintaro and ayano break up shintaro is like. OK HE'S SPIRALING DOWN. but it's a lil more nuanced than that it's not that he reverts back and it is exactly the same as it was and he's just whining over ayano shut in his room. deep down and truthfully he's totally relieved. he wasn't ready to be in a relationship, just like ayano, and while this isn't the only reason for their relationship's demise it is basically the core problem, and out of it a million other problems are created.

during the time he's like. recovering. or whatever u wanna call it. he dooooes sort of revert back a lil bit to being a shut in but not really bc now there's everyone around and no one will let him actually do it LOL also he's definitely not as despaired as he was back then. and takane is there for him a lot. also haruka and momo and just generally the dan even if the mekatrio wanna kill him with hammers. sidenote on that i think ayano after cooling off she would explain it wasn't entirely shintaro's fault and she was also kind of a dickhead in the situation (ayano was projecting all her pain on one person and taking out her sadness and frustration solely on the relationship when she was really hurting abt literally everything else. this also wasn't fair to shintaro and she knows it) and mekatrio are like oh my god our sister doing wrong?!?!?! completely possible she is a person. continue <- except kano. we'll get back to him.

i think shintaro rather takes it as an excuse to finally break down as if he didn't have the right to before, a bit similarly to ayano he was in denial of all this baggage. like it was really a match made in hell LMAO but basically shintaro is STILL in denial even after breaking up while ayano is picking herself up which is why she even ends things in the first place

while he's in this state obviously takane's worrymeter chart goes off and breaks and explodes and shintaro sorta reverting triggers takane into sorta reverting so then theyre back to being alone in his room. LIKE i keep saying shintaro is terrified of the unknown, like he's seen the same thing over a hundred times and he can remember it all but this is new and it's very scary.

so it's comforting to be back in his room with takane. because thru it all he's also resenting takane because all this time they were supposed to be like this duo or whatever, like in ALL routes they're ALWAYS together she is always there with him and she just. cannot remember that. they were together for a year but for shintaro it was one year a hundred times and for takane it's JUST one year. their codependency comes from this, for shintaro it was so much more time and for takane even if for her it was really just a year she made shintaro her LIFE so it's just as heavy for both. sorry their friendship makes me so crazy

and when shintaro is off horribly dating ayano, haruka and takane are being normal and picking up where they left off and being cute and working on their problems together and etcetc like I've talked abt it in a post lol but basically harutaka drives shintaro crazy because he's like ohhhh my god why does SHE get this. why is takane managing so well. subconsciously ofc my man has NOT the emotional capacity to identify that feeling so he expresses it through live shintaro reaction. like as he and ayano go more and more downhill, takane is more and more self aware of their codependent dynamic and yknow WORKING ON IT. like its simultaneous how shintaro is losing both these relationships so fast at the same time.

so when the breakup happens and shintaro is NOT OK, of course takane puts a pause to everything and is by his side. for shintaro this is super comforting not because takane is there for him and she's helping but rather cuz. yes. THIS is what i know. THIS is comfortable. and as a plus to shintaro, takane reverting her progress probably means she reverts progress with haruka and that makes shintaro a little relieved he's just like thank god im not the only one fucking up💖 takane and i are 2 different sides of the same coin so she can't run she's just like me for real💖 that's just his sick narrative btw. in reality takane is totally aware of what's happening and overdue giving shintaro a smack in the head

like it WONT BE LIKE IT USED TO because THINGS ARE DIFFERENT!! takane cannot dedicate her life to shintaro and the fact he sort of expected her to do it again is insulting to her. like from shintaro its very unconscious he doesn't do it on purpose he just refuses to think outside this box of personal narrative he's built. its not like shintaro is being a dickhead like hey Live For Me Again he rather shows it in moments like, he's surprised when takane says she has to go bc she has work or bc she made plans with haruka, or how he will call her at any time unannounced and be like. hey on ur way here can u get more coke ok byeeee and she's like. it tells her he EXPECTS her to put him before everything like she used to and it pisses her off.

to rant a bit abt the "personal narrative" of shintaro. i think it's interesting that shintaro is essentially a very self centered character and kagepro is very meta in the way it treats him as a main character. because inside of kagepro, he really gets as much focus as any other character, they're all "main" character to us. its rather inside the story he plays a very important role therefore he is the protagonist and as the protagonist he puts an end to the story itself too. i think this is all interesting together and fun to dissect shintaro's character as inherently self centered because that's what the story is. it shows not only in the way he acts even without retaining activated, but he is really in the center of it, and the way he handles it in everyday life once this story is over and theyre free from a narrative in the first place, is self destructive (and fun. to me) because its not compatible to being a normal fucking person.

so yeah it IS taking him a bit to really LOOK at his friends and stop looking only for himself. technically he's lived a hundred doomed lives and now he's here trying out this one and again it is scary and new and well. he is trying to navigate thru it, even if not in the best ways. he takes takane totally for granted because of this. in the narrative she has always been his sidekick. she has been the second main character to him. she has always lived and served him in all timelines, in all the time theyve known each other that she can't remember and he can, takane has been ene and ene has always been his annoying lap dog he hates as much as he needs in order for the story to move forward. so takane also being her own person outside of him, moving on, finding love somewhere else and OUT LOUD tackling issues like hey we have a codependent dynamic going on we should work on, IS ALSO STRANGE AND HE DOESNT LIKE IT. he shuns it completely whenever takane brings it up, which she does a lot as time goes on. because time keeps going on. it keeps passing by. and everyone around him seems to be growing up and that's so infuriating and so terrifying and ayano dumping him is as much of a reality check as ayano asking him out in the first place, and he doesn't know what to do with it other than cry and thrive off the attention takane is giving him again

i think takane would try to do what she does and be silly as fuck to distract shintaro but this time also sorta mixed in with actual talking unlike how their dynamic used to be. not to repeat everything i just said but YEAH shintaro is taking her for granted, he already was but when he and ayano break up it sort of gets worse. the way takane isn't reacting how he expects her because she's... not playing a role, she is just a person. she is growing up and moving on and this serves as extremely horrifying as well so he. teehee. enter kano

kano enters the picture in between shinaya breakup and takane having enough. shintaro and takane still share this dynamic but shintaro keeps being forced to look at the reality of his situation and the way he's been self sabotaging all of these relationships and he haaaates it and i think while kano is dealing with all his own baggage he is SO mad at shintaro for his whole thing with ayano and kano is Very emotionally smart he just uses it for evil&malicious purposes and also he is so petty all his eq becomes constipated and destructive. but like he knows it. he knows he's hurting himself by approaching shintaro who he KNOWS he likes and he isn't even sure himself if he's approaching him because he likes him or because he hates him. kano has so many mixed feelings over shintaro especially in this scenario where a messy shinaya breakup takes place.

kano gets close to shintaro because he knows he's at his lowest. he tells himself it's to irritate him and to throw things on his face and just to be evil or just to watch him suffer from up close but shintaro's out here looking like a kicked puppy and kano is whipped So Bad he can't help IT!! but not even he knows with WHAT intention he approaches him with. and he hates himself for it bc auugghhhh ITS AYANOS EX FIRST AND FOREMOST AND HE HURT HER AND AYANO CAN DO NO WRONG NO MATTER WHAT SHE SAYS AND I HATE HIM but kano and ayano sharing their shit taste in guys is his demise. he likes shintaro dammit. so no matter WHY, he gets close and well they kiss a little.

from shintaro's side IVE SAID i dont think shintaro hates kano as popularly believed idk i think he's rather confused with him and even understands why he's so icky around him bc he's overprotective over ayano so like HE GETS IT. i think shintaro and kano get in this AUGGH SHUT UP IDIOT dynamic that goes both ways exactly here because shintaro isnt in a great headspace like always but now especially and kano is just a fucking asshole. so they hang out and its awful and also a relief to shintaro because it feels good to be finally held accountable. this is also how he feels when ayano breaks up with him, tho for her it's also mixed with so many other things like a reality check. that angry ayano is unfamiliar and strange and freaks him out. but when it was over it was a relief because it meant he was free of that relationship he didn't want to be in (entirely. of course ayano and shintaro love each other and get together because they wanted to, but sadly love is not enough sometimes) and he was also free of having to see sides of ayano he isn't comfortable with seeing yet

with kano that isn't a problem because he's always been a little shit so it's a win. also makes him feel responsible, also a win. but seeing shintaro be accepting of being at fault it makes kano so damn angry too like UGH WELL IT WASNT ENTIRELY UR FAULT!! AYANO ALSO DID THIS AND THAT like EXACTLY as ayano has been telling kano when kano kept antagonizing shintaro in their breakup, ayano keeps explaining her side of things and how she wasn't entirely innocent either. and kano doesn't wanna listen but still parrots all of it to shintaro when shintaro keeps having a pity party and shintaro's like wow. i never saw it like that... and kano's like WELL THATS WHAT ID SAY IF I DIDNT THINK ITS ALL UR FAULT. WHICH IT IS. U HURT MY SISTER WHO CAN DO NO WRONG I HATE YOU. I LITERALLY CANNOT STAND YOU and then they kiss. because theyre crazy.

anyways. also terrifying. 1. unfamiliar. 2. gay. so shintaro is losing his damn mind like the whole thing is his extended freak out about the narrative being over and living in the good ending basically lol. so at his wits end he IS INDEED going to takane. everything is falling apart and nothing makes sense and he can't feel grounded and he feels so sick all the time and THAT'S why he turns to takane. the one constant!!!

takane is the one constant. takane is who has always been there. and because he needs at least 1 more punch to be able to see clearly that's how he turns to her and "hits on her" as I've put it in the past LMAO i think that's very simplified but u asked specifically how he does this and man i wanna write it so bad in a fanfic like i keep saying but OK BASICALLY its not that he Hits On Her its rather that he's like talking to takane as if she hadn't made any progress like him . he's like what if we make ourselves a favor and u move back in my comp 💖and we live driving each other crazy forever 💖wouldnt that be crazy. and takanes like YES that WOULD be crazy. amd shintaro's like "RIGHT it would TOTALLY be crazy LOL!!! but erm. HEAR ME OUT" because he thinks she's still barely holding it together and assumes she's still obsessed with him which she isn't, i picture this happening one or two years after str so takane's like. living her best domestic harutaka life. she's FINE. and shintaro's talking to her like she isn't fine which has been pissing her off already from before but now its in one culminating moment. because it's ok to hold ur hand on the journey to heal but if u refuse to keep fucking walking listen eventually the person is just gonna let go of ur hand my man

he asks takane to live with him forever because of how terrifying the good ending is and in his stupid personal narrative she is also still struggling so win win!!! THE ROMANTIC ASPECT OF IT comes with ayano&kano being part of shintaro's love life and the 2 people who he's been driving himself crazy about and is using takane to distract himself. so he puts two and two together and is like well wouldn't it make sense?? as icky as it is??? to be with takane??? because he is stupid and i find this extremely comical. i dont know if he would actually fall in love with her i think it's rather that he convinces himself he is because it makes sense on paper to him. he probably writes down all these conjectures and nodding like well of course it makes sense. like all the people he knows are parts of a math problem or some shit LMAO

in this math haruka's (old) insecurities of takane choosing shintaro over him are included too. shintaro's mistake comes in the fact haruka&takane's relationship does not pass by him and he has a very simplistic and self centered view of it. in reality haruka isn't as insecure if at all by then, and takane has been trying to deattach from the dynamic with shintaro for a while now and instead is attempting to be regular friends. like haruka and takane are married mode by then, having grown as people and as a couple but shintaro is so stuck in time and in need to give everyone a role that works for him that he fails to acknowledge that detail which is WHY he can approach her so easily. he's like I've done the people math this Makes Sense and its Fine it will all work out in my favor. he's nervous and pathetic of course but he's delusional first and foremost. i think the "hits on her" is rather shintaro&takane having a very fucked up talk that escalates and takane gets angry very badly lol. I Will Write This.

erm. that's how it happens. i think as he talks to takane and it becomes clearer and clearer that she is NOT in the same page he begins to despair abt it because his carefully calculated social plan is finally falling apart. and with it being a 2x1 because it makes his friendship with haruka fall apart too who through it ALLL from ayano to takane to kano has been telling him SHINTARO YOU ARE SELF DESTRUCTIVE PLEASE BE CAREFUL. ive also gone over that in an ask but lol yeah💖😀

for what ayano thinks of it, ayano and shintaro are completely taking a break from each other during all this but i dont think she'd be angry. she's completely focusing on herself (in a good way unlike shintaro) and working on her own baggage so she's like aw. poor shintaro. haruka&takane are probably a bit annoyed at the reaction bc he's a dickhead but ayano probably puts it more in perspective. takanes like yeah but it doesnt mean i cant be angry. ayanos like yeah ur absolutely right im still furious with him😊 <- while looking like that. but ayano's an empath💗 so while she is angry and sees everyone is angry she's still like, despite it all they all love shintaro and hope he will take these things to finally better himself. it's very frustrating that shintaro only understands when he drives u to a point of screaming and crying and then u feel bad for him even though HES the one who drove u to that point. he will be ok he needs the company of someone who won't keep giving things to him and give nothing in return. he needs the company of someone who will do to him the same he does to everybody. that said kano has been hanging out with him A LOT.

kano is there for shintaro they both crash and explode together but somehow pick themselves and each other backup. like it's a whole thing💗 i think ayano is on top of everything she's like it will be UGLY. but it needs to be done💗

shintaro also gets a therapist😀 sorry if i have a delusional design and hcs for shintaro's therapist like she's an unnamed oc. whatever.

ayano is busy with herself to worry about shintaro's mess. she still does but not before she gives herself the time and space she needs. a talk between them after certain time has passed would be so interesting and do so much good to both. but heh. sorry did all that answer ur question

#ask tag #headcanons #kagenalysis #ayashin divorce

[chipsncookies]

ngl I am kinda looking forward to the Ultraman guy thoughts compilation and a brief summary about him. You talking about Ultraman definitely sparked my curiousity. I saw Ultraman briefly mentioned in a few manga when I was young so I was aware of it before but now I'm getting curious but I'll wait a bit more. I don't even know where to start.

The results have been compiled here! Please take a look!

For you guys who want to know who this character is, he's Ultraman Blazar from the latest Ultraman series! He is a warrior of light who's taken the duty of protecting humanity from kaiju and alien attacks 💪

If you're unfamiliar with the Ultraman series, it's a science fiction tokusatsu, meaning they use live action special effects. Commenters who mentioned kamen rider and power rangers/super sentai got it close since those are also tokusatsu. Fans of one usually enjoy the others too.

Like i said, the basic premise is ultraman, an extraterrestrial being comes to earth to defend humans from kaiju or aliens. They usually disguise as humans when not fighting, or they have a human host who can call them out when the earth is in danger. When the time comes, they transform into Ultraman.

This series is very old, it started in 1960s. So it has so many entries, where fans have grouped them by the era they were released (showa ultramans, heisei, reiwa etc). Some of the entries are in similar continuity, while others not.

I grew up watching some of the series so I'm already familiar with it, but I've been out of the loop for years and just got back into it, and im already confused, so i understand how you feel when you said you don't know where to start.

However, I think if you're curious and want to start watching, it doesn't hurt to watch the original series, Ultraman. It's available on YouTube. The effects might look outdated (it was the 1960s after all) but a lot of fans think the story holds up to this day. It has 39 episodes. It's the foundation of the series, and many plot beats & kaijus/aliens that appear in it will reappear/remixed in later series, so if you watch this you'll recognise them.

If it's too long, you can watch Shin Ultraman, the movie that came out last year. It's based on the Ultraman series i mentioned above but condensed into 2 hours. I haven't watched it myself but fans seem to like it and i heard it did well in theatres. The only downside(?) is the ultraman and kaijus are cgi so you're missing the tokusatsu experience. If this is your preference that's great but this is the only entry that uses fully cgi ultraman

I mentioned these first because they're a fresh start of the ultraman experience. Other series especially recent ones tend to feature other ultras/characters as fanservice, and I don't want to overwhelm you, but if you're interested there's nothing wrong with checking them out. A lot of them are available on the official YouTube channel with subs and some with dubs unofficial means also available

I'm currently watching Ultraman Blazar, it only has 5 episodes as of now but I'm really enjoying it a lot. In my biased opinion i find the story so far enjoyable for adults and children.* Also I think the visuals are some of the best in recent entries.

*I forgot to tell, ultraman is a series directed to kids, so it can be silly goofy at times and heavy on the toy selling, but some entries can be more dark/mature than others. Shin ultraman is more mature for example.

So yeah!! Ultraman is a really old series and it has become a pop culture in Japan and many places in the world (but somehow not america?) i think if you watch this you'll start seeing its influence on other shows (yes, including pokemon!). If you're curious about other ultraman you can take a look at the list of ultraman here and see if there's any you like. This series is big so it can be overwhelming but I'm sure you will find something you like! I hope you'll enjoy it! 🫶🫶🫶💖💖

Edit:

#asks #ultraman #ultraman blazar

[schizopositivity]

i have occassional bouts of catatonia (akinetic and excited) and i've never really met anyone else with it. would you be interested in talking more about what's it's been like for you?

if not, then i hope you have a good day/night regardless. also i love your blog. it's comforting and informative ^_^

aw thank you! and yay i love hearing about people with lived experience of catatonia cause its so hard to find people talk about what it feels like so im happy to share!

so all but one of my catatonic experiences happened before i was diagnosed or medicated for schizophrenia, and was a teenager, and was living with my immigrant mom who has very little understanding of schizophrenia (besides her horrible father) so she legit didnt know what to do with me at these times. i dont blame her for not knowing but this is just a disclaimer as to why she handled certain things the way she did.

there were a few times (maybe around 10) where i was left alone, saw a bunch of hallucinations and then conciously "woke up" (usually i was hiding under a table) to my mom yelling at me to move. and then i was just stuck. i couldnt move at all even tho i wanted to and was told to. she was usually freaking out herself and super worried about me. she thought i was "faking it" and would demand that i stop. obviously this didnt help my situation at all, all i wanted was to move and show her i could atleast act okay, but i couldnt. i would usually black out what had led up to me hiding under the table so i couldnt even explain this if i wanted to. i dont really remember how all of these situations resolved, just that it was very stressful and i would try to move any lil muscle but couldnt. i dont really know what would help in these situations, just that she probably shouldve gotten me professional help.

another memorable moment of catatonia for me kinda is hard for me to personally destinguish from some sort of dissociation just because i was in and out of conciousness. but what i do remember was me being in the passengers seat while my mom was driving and kinda bashing around and yelling and feeling like i had no control over those actions. my mom, being scared that i would hurt myself or her, couldnt think of anything to help besides forcing sleeping pills down my throat, which eventually knocked me out. in that moment i think i shouldve been taken to a hospital.

the most recent time ive experienced catatonia is the one i remember most clearly because i was already diagnosed at the time and on antipsychotics. i wasnt home alone, but i was alone in the room i was in. i dont rememeber what led up to it but i had a panic attack that left me sitting strangley on the floor. from there my breathing suddenly slowed down and i couldnt move at all. i felt compeltely stuck no matter what i did. i wanted to move so badly, i wanted to yell to the other people in the house to help me, but i couldnt. i felt stiff and uncomfortable, and in the moment it felt like id be stuck like that forever. after some time that felt very long had passed, and i had attempted to move every muscle i had, i was able to bend my elbow. so i did that over and over to try to get someones attention but it didnt work. i probably looked so "out of it" like i had drool and snot hanging down and was bending my elbow and extending it nonstop but i was fully aware of what i was doing and how i looked, i just couldnt do anything about it. after more time had passed i started moving my fingers and toes and everything else came after that. idk what wouldve helped in this situation since it did pass eventually, maybe just someone there to be with me and tell me it was going to be okay.

im no expert on catatonia i just have my experiences. its generally said that you should make sure the persons airways are clear and that they are in a confortable position and not close to any dangerous objects. its also said that you should take the person to the hospital, and for me i dont think thats needed. id just like someone i trust to be there and tell me its okay, to time it to see if it lasts longer than an hour than i should go to a hospital, and maybe try to move my limbs around to see if that would help.

#tw meds #tw pills #answered #catatonia #catatonic

[mourninglamby]

RAMBLING INCOMING SORRY IGNORE IF U DONT CARE ABT CARTOONS BUT... i have very high standards for cartoons. ever since i was a kid ive had this weird infatuation with consuming as many as possible (i literally forced my mom and sister to watch the adventure time pilot when it came out, same with gravity falls and stevens world universe) and lately ive been slacking bc i still watch the pilots for every new cartoon but NONE of them have interested me at ALL until s2 of toh. and even then i went in with a bias because a character dynamic mirrors that of a dynamic from a different series that isnt active at the moment. 

but my point is. because i have such high standards i have to be super self aware. as an adult going into my 20′s soon i literally cant not be mindful that im watching a “kids” show. altho i have... many things to say about how that demographic has definitely been twisted and morphed into something new entirely. and i sincerely blame the perception of cartoons as strictly children's media when it absolutely shouldnt be. but when i watch shows like the owl house or fuck even my fav cartoon over the garden wall i literally cant shake the feeling that this was definitely intended for like... pg13 or maybe even r rated audiences depending on the tone of the show. it just feels like its holding back, despite the content shown already being a bit much for younger crowds like 13 and under.

and part of me feels bad for these showrunners who want to make their shit without the limitations of a network marketed for kids but have nowhere else to go, and then another part of me is also like ohhhh kay..... sometimes we go too far... ok ko is probably the best example of a not-for-kids kids cartoon. 

its been a while since ive been this invested in a western cartoon (last time was over the garden wall, and i was literally a young teen so. didnt have the same critical eye i have now) and its making me reevaluate how and where specific media is disseminated and who its really for, and why that might be potentially harmful. much 2 think abt... sorry this was a lot of me repeating myself and being vague but... i have not thought this hard abt cartoons in a long time.

#delete later probably