melissa barrera and skeet ulrich are going to be at a horror con in florida near where i live and they’re going to be doing a father/daughter photo op. we are so back melissa barrera and sam carpenter nation.
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my father told me he read it, but he hasn't read it. that's okay. my friends keep picking the words out of my throat.
someone once told me that the more trigger warnings that go on a book, the better it is. i didn't mean to write something with so many conditional phrases - i was writing about what i felt while being a human. sometimes you are a person and sometimes you are a statistic. sometimes it is falling upwards and sometimes it's sliding back down again.
my father tells me that it will be difficult to get people to read it. i didn't like the idea of a singular genre. i'm not going to lie to you - it is actually a difficult book to get through. i change the rules in it. it's not poetry or prose explicitly. it's neither false nor reality. i give you the tools to "solve" the book, but i let you do the thinking. my father says people don't care to think. i don't know about that - i think we just, like, enjoy reading.
the thing is - i was tired of stories about survival where someone with depression goes to therapy and wakes up okay. i didn't live like that. i was tired of books about violence, where the gore of what i experience was splashed in glitter to lick off the page. like, i was a person, you know? i had a life and a job and a family. and in books, i watched my story get ripped up so people could explore the viscera of my body. so they could feel good. my brother once called it inspiration pornography. we had walked out of a suicide-prevention seminar, both of us disgusted while the increasingly-elated presenter kept listing methods-of. i remember the look on my brother's face. like i would tear that man apart given the right time and place.
my father says that kids these days. he warns me against writing about things that are too-serious. he says that they don't want it. i don't listen. he does make me take out a scene from the book where i go to church after having sex with a woman. it used to be the 7th scene in the book. i don't think he's read further than that, it rocked him too hard to continue.
it's a book about being queer. it's a book about being raised catholic. it doesn't have monsterfucking, i'm sorry. it's just about, like.
at some point you have to choose to stay here. and then you do have to stay here, which takes practice. this is about forming the habit. this is about what happens after you've already started doing the work. because, like. you keep going. you have to. and it's like. very imperfect.
i should make a post on instagram. i should make this announcement less bittersweet. but like -- i'm giving it you, specifically, because i think you know why i had to write it. you and me. this little community.
body's a bad monster. here's the link if you're interested in ordering.
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there is something about pathetic men that enchants and beguiles me
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listen if the existence of the book means there are an infinite number of realities then there’s at least one where fukuzawa took in the both of them and the ada was born on two pillars instead of just one
(pls do not tag as beast)
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you know i used to think it was weird how sora and roxas have such different personalities for supposedly being 'the same person' but after playing a few games i sort of realized that they do have similar personalities, because roxas acts how sora does when he's under extreme stress.
compare roxas to sora in, say, kh1. that's where a lot of peoples idea of sora's personality comes from. sora is generally very upbeat and optimistic in that game. not very similar to roxas, right?
but let's switch the game and talk about a game where sora is ABSOLUTELY GOING THROUGH IT. chain of memories.
sora's resting state is melancholy in com. he only ever cheers up in short bursts, usually when he's joking around with friends. just like roxas.
he's quick to anger, and tends to lash out at the organization members. best example of this is when larxene makes him 'remember' namine, and he swings at her repeatedly, even after she's gone. he only stops when jiminy is able to snap him out of it.
you know what scene that resembles?
sora, while a bit more on the angry side and less sad, continues to act like this in kh2 when he's in stressful situations. (he also has a tendancy to insult people which, while it's not very related to the point, is very funny and sora saying 'gonna cry?' to xigbar is great.) i cant comment any further than that about kh2 off the top of my head.
so, roxas acts like sora does when he's stressed, right? but why is roxas always acting like that? to which i say, he isnt!
he only ever acts like that when he's also in fucked up and stressful situations, which happens to be a CONSTANT in his life. but when he's hanging out with axel and xion, a decidedly NOT stressful situation, he's a lot more like sora. he's teasing his friends and insulting his coworkers and joking around and acting like a normal kid. not really important, but unless i misremembered some sora lines which is VERY possible, both roxas and sora respond to friendly insults with "oh thanks!" a lot. just a funny little detail that felt relevant.
the biggest differences between roxas and sora boil down to environment and... i dont know how to put it besides volume? roxas is very quiet and tends to keep most of his thoughts to himself, while sora is very loud and expressive in comparison.
there is one other huge difference i noticed, which is less character based and more story. sora wanted to get off destiny islands and explore with his friends, but roxas just wanted routine. sora wants adventure, and roxas wants things to stay the same, for days where he gets off work and eats ice cream with his friends to last forever, to keep having conversations about nothing and watching the sunset. roxas wants normalcy, sora wants excitement. it's just interesting seeing their contrast.
not sure if this is very well said or anything i just wanted to talk about my boys
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abuela calling out the fact that eddie is trying to fill the hole that shannon left. eddie trying to act like he doesn’t know what she means and abuela going “your grandfather was not my first love, you know? there was another man, julio. he was quiet. strong. he played the guitar, too. i was gonna marry him. picked out the dress and everything” a silence settles over them, pointed and charged. eddie looks at her. “he died?” isabel nods. “he did. got sick. a few years later i fell in love and married your grandfather. and your abuelo was—he was loud. funny. could barely carry the couch into the living room and i made fun of him for it.” isabel laugh and it’s tinted a little blue with grief, but the love overpowers it in every possible sense. eddie gets her point. “he was nothing like julio.” isabel shakes her head “no, he wasn’t. you don’t need another shannon, eddie. you need someone you love now. you will always love her. she will always be christopher’s mother. you’re allowed to love somebody else. you don’t need all this guilt, mijo.” she smiles, knowing and kind. chris laughs somewhere and eddie turns his head towards the sound, finds chris with buck, smiling and talking, buck listening to every word chris says the way he’s always done and eddie loves him so much he feels it everywhere. abuela squeezes his arm. her eyes sparkle when he meets her gaze.
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the way hozier titles a song "i, carrion (icarian)" where he sings about the self-destructive idea of sacrificing himself by flying into sun to save his relationship, and compares himself to 'carrion', the decaying flesh of animals, often a word used for roadkill. to then go and write a song called "abstract (psychopomp)" about how holding an animal whilst it dies mirrors the mercy of ending a failing relationship, similar to a 'psychopomp' - a deliverer of death. and we watch as hozier turns from 'icarian' to 'psychopomp' when he realises that prolonging suffering is crueler than just letting love die. i'm both in awe and crying on my bedroom floor.
and the way a carrion crow is also a symbol of death ?? and how 'carrion' sounds like 'carry on' the way icarus kept going ?? and how he sounds envious of his lover's courage in "abstract" ?? how when the sun is gone - "streetlights in the dark blue" - he can no longer blind himself and is forced to look at the corpse of his relationship ?? how to love is to let go ?? how can he keep getting away with this i'm sobbing ??
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if you met an alternate reality version of yourself that was better than you in every single way would that be fucked up or what lol
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imagine if castiel (godstiel?) single-handedly created the omegaverse in real life because he's sick of dean's weird hangups about his sexuality. cas just omega-fies himself and is like. well. see. this way you are still heterosexual.
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cartoons do not “need” or “deserve” live action remakes, and saying that they do is such a disservice to animation
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Hamlet’s Age
Not to bring up an age-old debate that doesn’t even matter, but I have been thinking recently how interesting Hamlet’s age is both in-text and as meta-text.
To summarize a whole lot of discussion, we basically only have the following clues as to Hamlet’s age:
Hamlet and Horatio are both college students at Wittenberg. In Early Modern/Late Renaissance Europe, noble boys typically began their university education at 14 and usually completed at their Bachelor’s degree by 18 or 19. However, they may have been studying for their Master’s degrees, which was typically awarded by age 25 at the latest. For reference, contemporary Kit Marlowe was a pretty late bloomer who received a bachelor’s degree at 20 and a master’s degree at 23.
Hamlet is AGGRESSIVELY described as a “youth” by many different characters - I believe more than any other male shakespeare character (other than 16yo Romeo). While usage could vary, Shakespeare tended to use “youth” to mean a man in his late teens/very early 20s (actually, he mostly uses it to describe beardless ‘men’ who are actually crossdressing women - likely literally played by young men in their late teens)
King Hamlet is old enough to be grey-haired, but Queen Gertrude is young enough to have additional children (or so Hamlet strongly implies)
Hamlet talks about plucking out the hairs of his beard, so he is old enough to at least theoretically have a beard
In the folio version, the gravedigger says he became a gravedigger the day of Hamlet’s birth, and that he’s be “sixteene here, man and boy, thirty years.” However, it’s unclear if “sixteene” means “sixteen” or “sexton” (ie has he worked here for 16 years but is 30 years old, or has he been sexton there for thirty years?)
Hamlet knew Yorick as a young child, and the gravedigger says Yorick was buried 23 years ago. However, the first quarto version version of Hamlet says “dozen years” instead of “three and twenty.” This suggests the line changed over time. (Or that the bad quarto sucks - I really need to make that post about it, huh…)
Yorick is a skull, and according to the gravedigger’s expertise, he has thus been dead for at least 7-8 years - implying Hamlet is at least ~15yo if he remembers Yorick from his childhood
One important thing sometimes overlooked - Claudius takes the throne at King Hamlet’s death, not Prince Hamlet. That is mostly a commentary on English and French monarchist politics at the time, but it is strange within the internal text. A thirty year old Hamlet presumably would have become the new monarch, not the married-in uncle (unless Gertrude is the vehicle through which the crown passes a la Mary I/Phillip II - certainly food for thought)
Honestly, Hamlet is SO aggressively described as being very young that I’m fairly confident the in-text intention is to have him be around 18-23yo. Placing his age at 30yo simply does not make much sense in the context of his descriptors, his narrative role, and his status as a university student.
However, it doesn’t really matter what the “right” answer is, because the confusion itself is what makes the gravedigger scene so interesting and metatextual. We can basically assume one of the following, given the folio text:
Hamlet really is meant to be 30yo, and that was supposed to surprise or imply something to the contemporary audience that is now lost to us
Older actors were playing Hamlet by the time the folio was written down, and the gravedigger’s description was an in-text justification of the seeming disconnect between age of actor and description of “youth”
Older actors were playing Hamlet by the time the folio was set down, and the gravedigger’s description was an in-text JOKE making fun of the fact that a 30-something year old is playing a high-school aged boy. This makes sense, as the gravedigger is a clown and Hamlet is a play that constantly pokes fun at its own tropes and breaks the fourth wall for its audience
The gravedigger cannot count or remember how old he is, and that’s the joke (this is the most common modern interpretation whenever the line isn’t otherwise played straight). If the clown was, for example, particularly old, those lines would be very funny
Any way you look at it, I believe something is echoing there. It seems like this is one of the many moments in Hamlet where you catch a glimpse of some contemporary in-joke about theater and theater culture* that we can only try to parse out from limited context 430 years later. And honestly, that’s so interesting and cool.
*(My other favorite example of this is when Hamlet asks Polonius about what it was like to play Julius Caesar in an exchange that pokes fun of Polonius’ actor a little. This is clearly an inside-joke directed at Globe regulars - the actor who played Polonius must have also played Julius Caesar in Shakespeare’s play, and been very well reviewed. Hamlet’s joke about Brutus also implies the actor who played Brutus is one of the main cast in Hamlet - possibly even the prince himself, depending on how the line is read).
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THANK YOU TO @bruhstation FOR DRAWING MY D10 GIJINKA‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️ I WILL BE SO NORMAL ABOUT THIS FOREVER AND EVER
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I do think it's also funny if every time damian vents to dick about Bruce* dick goes to Bruce like "SMH I should've adopted him you failure" and since Bruce wasn't around for all of dicks failure moments with damian he's got no retort and he just sits there seething
*bc let's be real Bruce does give him plenty to vent about
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