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#why won’t you just listen to me?
kimberkingrivers · 9 months
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Life just feel like it’s kicking anyone else’s ass?
Things are kinda looking up I actually feel hope, hope that doesn’t feel stupid or false, but still kinda feel like I’m drowning. That whatever I do it’s still not enough for the people around me.
Not wild enough, not old enough, not loud enough, not enough free time, not making enough money, not pretty enough, not religious enough, not smart enough
Or I’m too much, too straight forward, too traditional, too boring, too quiet, too busy, too focused, too aggressive
#justmedealingwithsomeseriousquesyionsaboutmyself
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synthwayve · 2 months
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Thinks about Micolash and Laurence’s rivalry that never strays from the confines of academic snark or the occasional jab despite their shared ambition(and possibly also just accompanying a general friendship they could have had since they worked together at some point. Idk I’m a softie. Sue me.) eventually involving into a full on intellectual divorce. Cries. Explodes. 72 casualties.
#will delete#I am just having thoughts#like yeah listen I love the toxic aspects of their dynamic especially peak healing church#and I’m honestly shocked most people put Micolash in the seat of power there#if anything I think he’d be underhanded with having dirt on Laurence’s operation or his reputation#but yknow. headcanons vary#consider: they could have been soft once. they could have been#and they could have stopped each other’s descent into their respective cosmic obsession(blood and insight)#but neither can actually let the other have his way. if Micolash abandons his research and just does whatever Laurence commands him to#he’ll never be able to pursue his own interest(which could even stave off the scourge). it’d be Byrgenwerth all over#but if Laurence lets Micolash go and just do whatever his silly heart desires#not only will he legit go insane but itd happen at the worst of times. he needs to priortize the blood while they still have time#so they both just. stalemate each other to death#yadda yadda insufferable academics believing only their method must be correct to the detriment of the other#not in a ‘I personally hate you’ way but in a ‘why won’t you just listen to me’ way#I just think there’s fun to be had there. they’re both horrible.#also idk this is being prompted by Laurence being typecast into being completely helpless at the height of his power. against MICOLASH???#let’s let him be a little evil too come on now#but idk. maybe my take is wack
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meandmypagancrew · 9 months
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ready, set, go go
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lesbiansanemi · 3 months
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Still thinking about the conversation I had with my roommate’s bf like two weeks ago where he said he was scared of furries but also didn’t even know enough about furries to know they were called furries I had to figure out wtf he was talking about. The urge to become a full blown furry now. Despite having all the makings of a furry I for some reason have never ended up enthusiastically becoming one despite my best efforts. Well. With spite as my motivator here we are. Where are the furry artists, I’m commissioning both my tentative ideas for my fursonas. I’m inviting all my friends who are furries over and we’re gonna work on making fursuits. I will also make this a hostile living situation for you AND I will get the added bonus of doing fun furry stuff
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quietwingsinthesky · 9 months
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what if. Amy “fix-it” because hallucifer makes sam so paranoid about dean leaving for no reason that sam gives in and follows him and is witness to the whole thing
#hallucifer: wow. big brother really trusts us. (beat) so something’s up right? we know it’s never this easy.#sam: (visibly restraining himself from saying shut up. about to grab his scar.)#hallucifer: (aware he’s about to be banished) don’t listen to me if you want but. I’m just trying to help.#don’t blame me if you look in the papers tomorrow and find a obit for your brain-eating girlfriend. and… what was her kid’s name again?#sam: (touching the scar. not pressing down. face all screwed up.) || hallucifer: :3 it’s not like it’ll hurt anyone#if he really does trust you he doesn’t even have to know we’re following him. *and* you’ll know your brother still trusts you.#even when I’m here. maybe he won’t even punch you again. that still hurting?#sam: (grimace. because yeah. it does.) || hallucifer: door number two - he thinks you’ve lost it and he’s going to stab that woman to death.#so what’s it gonna be Sam? ready to gamble your friend’s life on if Dean gives a shit about your opinion?#[and that’s the point where sam goes to follow dean. still doesn’t talk to Lucifer. not there yet. but oh hallucifer is sooo pleased with#himself about this. because he’s Sam. and he picks up on what Sam doesn’t. and he could see all of Dean’s little giveaways that Sam was#turning a blind eye to. and now here’s the perfect opportunity to put a wedge between them and get sam to trust him more <3)#GOD. FUCK. IM UPSET NOW. WHY WASNT HALLUCIFER IN THAT EPISODE. MOST OF THE EPISODES?#such a good fucking concept. squandered.#anyway. idk if sam saves Amy but he DEFINITELY here’s Dean’s little speech to her about how she can’t change.#hallucifer with faux sympathy like (sigh) damn. well. i always told you what he was like. Michael. Michael-sword. no difference.#both of them want us dead the moment we step out of line.#and Sam just frozen there in horror with Lucifer’s voice sinking in. and he believes him. how can he not. with dean proving him right#hallucifer#spn#sam winchester#amy pond
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nefelibata-cloud · 1 year
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a thought came to my head the other day and it hasn’t left…
so basically, diluc has been stuck in his office working since before the break of dawn. you decide to poke your head in at around lunch and give him a little shoulder and back massage. you had done this before, and even though he never said anything but a simple “thank you,” you could tell it sorta rejuvenated him. so you tried to do it everyday. your man is working non stop and constantly on the grind, he deserves a nice massage!
later that night, you visit him at Angel Share, and when you walk in he calls you over to the bar. taking a seat, he takes a hold of your hands and starts massaging them as he asks about your day, listening attentively. it’s subtle, and so very sweet.
diluc cherishes you, and loves your hands for how attentive they are to his sore and tight muscles. you try and give him a massage every chance you get. he loves your massages, but he knows with the amount of kinks and tight muscles in his neck alone that your hands must get tired quickly. so he always tries to repay you and show you how grateful he is by taking care of your hands, and massaging the area between your thumb and pointer as well as he can.
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katnissgirlsmakedo · 1 month
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who can we blame for the fandomification of the song soldier poet king. i’d like to blame bbc merlin fans but i recognize that’s me being a biased hater. anyway. whoever’s to blame should be hanged in the town square or something this shit is so annoying fr
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devilsskettle · 1 year
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whenever i hear a song that i would like if it weren’t for the fact that it was too long, i think about this:
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like you can afford to write tangentially if you/your music is already popular and you know that people are going to listen to you no matter what and in fact laud your longer pieces as being genius etc but can you really be releasing 5+ minute long songs without a built-in audience?
#idk. thinking about this because of the new lana album and i think i’d like a lot of these songs better if they were shorter lol#some of these songs drag so much especially when she includes these long sections of like one repeated line over and over again#or like when taylor swift releases the extended version of all too well and everyone freaked out#that’s all good and well but she HAD to release the shorter version first#and she knows she has this huge fanbase that will eat that shit up no matter what she does really#part of it is nostalgia admittedly but i also think the shorter version is just a better song#that song is on the longer side to begin with but 10 minutes???? why#(i did listen to both songs back to back to make sure my opinion was still the same as when the 10 minute version was released & it is lol)#idk! obviously i’m bad at this myself because i write so fucking much to express a simple point but it is more skillful to be able#to say things as effectively and precisely in a more concise way#not saying this ONLY applies to mitski because she’s the one this article is about but she is a good example of it#like being able to express a feeling in just a couple lines that would probably take a less skilled writer like a novel to express#it also reminds me of how my high school latin teacher described how in college he took a class about museum design or something like that#and their first assignment was to write a description of an artifact to tell museum visitors what it was#and every time he submitted a draft the professor would tell him to make it shorter while still communicating the necessary information#until he literally could not make it any shorter than it already was#because you have to assume that people are not gonna read all that! because they won’t unless they have some kind of external motivation to#idk there IS something to be said for including ‘unnecessary’ parts of writing etc obviously there’s nuance#but a lot of the time i think if there isn’t a reason to include something then why include it!
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dogesphere · 9 months
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Gee I wish I could work on something instead of sitting here being overwhelmed by all the art things I have/want to do. But absolutely no drive to do them. None.
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super-license · 10 months
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me being a lando stan, vibing that he got another podium finish like:
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versus me when i realized that this result also reflects well on zak:
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dawningfairytale · 1 year
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currently fascinated with the concept of unrequited blackrose as per usual
#rtc#ride the cyclone#blackrose rtc#blackrose#also to be clear i am not villainising anyone who has unrequited feelings or is unable/unwilling to reciprocate unrequited feelings#i mostly think of it in a constance -> ocean way but ocean could have unrequited feelings for constance#i think either way the feelings-haver would feel so guilty. this is her friend and she’s corrupted it with stupid romantic desires#constance would bury it down deep. she knows ocean has no interest in relationships. she listens to all her words and remembers each one#and yeah ‘the truth sets you free’ but not if it traps the person you love#who is loving you back in every way they can#it’s so personal to me actually#if oceans having the feelings she tries to breeze past it. forget that thé thought ever came across her mind#but she cant. every look that constance gives. every smile that lets her personality shine through. every laugh that lights up her heart.#makes ocean think of holding her and kissing her and being her strongest defence from the cruel world.#but she can’t.#ocean has heard constance’s rants on the idea of settling down and how much romantic love is pushed#and she doesn’t disagree. far from it. that’s why she knows - for once - to shut up and let constance’s feelings dictate the duo’s actions#either way they stay friends. of course they do. and one never reveals the stupid crush she had on the other. because that would crush her#again! not villainising those who can’t/won’t reciprocate feelings. just looking at the guilt and confusion that comes from loving someon#e who can’t return it and what constance and ocean would do in such a situation#you’d think i’d be able to get over her more easily. wouldn’t you.
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milo-is-rambling · 1 year
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Omg yesterday at my moms therapy I said how well I had been doing and feeling like I can actually handle life and my mom was immediately like “that’s because you’ve been taking your meds regularly again” and like completely brushed off any progress I had actually made and I had to be like yeah totally that’s it that’s why exactly when I haven’t taken my meds for a week straight in idk how long
#I was like yup totally that sure is why I’ve been feeling good totally#not at all that I’ve been spending time to do things I like and journal and process my feelings in healthy ways or that I am consciously#making strides towards regular person sanity#and she fucking brought up adhd meds again like FUCK OFFFFFFF HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO SAY I DONT WANT TO TAKE THEM BEFORE IT CLICKS#I. DONT. WANT. TO. TAKE. THEM. they are a tool in MY mental health toolbox bitch back off my toolbox I know you fucking live adhd meds and#won’t shut up about them but I am happy now and I don’t like my brain on adhd meds and the only reason you want me on them is because you#like me more when I’m doing stereotypically productive tasks so you’d rather have me cleaning the house and not doing the shit I love than#you would have me not taking my meds and making art and writing poetry#like god#she just doesn’t fucking get it#I cannot create when I take adhd meds. that part of my brain just like dissolves.#the way I work is that constantly I have a million projects on the back burner in my mind and when I get inspired I make one#when I take my adhd meds I can’t just pick up a fun project I don’t get those ideas I can’t write poetry I can’t make art it’s like it sever#severs the line between my creative mind and my regular mind and I have nothing in my life that I need to be THAT focused on right now#but I have my perscruption still! like if I ever need it it’s there but that’s not your fucking decision that’s mine and you need to back#off my brain because it is a delicate fucking ecosystem up there in my head and I’m not going to fuck with anything until I have to#god. sorry. went on a bit of a rant. I am just so sick of arguing over my mom wanting to control the way I medicate myself. I am an adult#and she is not inside my brain so she needs to listen when I tell her how things affect me#she takes adhd meds like twice every day and hates the feeling of not being on them but I just don’t like them and she won’t fucking drop it#okay I am getting mad about adhd meds and my mother right before I have to be in the car with her all morning i need to relax#we’re going to psychic we’re gonna have fun#we’re not going to argue about this again.
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lesbiansanemi · 4 months
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Do you think if I wish hard enough my mom will get electrocuted by a string of Christmas lights and just go up in a cloud of smoke. It’d be a Christmas miracle
#I’m not even DOWN THERE YET and I want to fucking KILL HER#I have to work Christmas Eve and the day after Christmas. I live four hours away from my family#I told her this MANY TIMES I said I’ll drive down after work on Christmas Eve be there Christmas morning but I need to leave by 3-4 to get#home at a reasonable hour so I can have time to unpack/catch up on a couple days of chores/get plenty of sleep#she called me last night and told me she didn’t schedule Christmas stuff until SIX PM#and when I said why tf did you do that I’m not staying that late#she got mad and upset and was like ‘it’s the only time everyone is free :(‘#BUT THEN proceeded to tell me we were having lunch with her HUSBAND’S family at noon#(ppl I am not close with never have been literally don’t talk to)#and everyone I know is like ‘just leave when you said you were going to anyways’#and like yeah I could but then my family is gonna be ENRAGED that I didn’t do Christmas stuff with them#and they’re like ‘well explain that your mom didnt listen to when you said you needed to leave’#but the thing is. no matter what. they’re going to take her side#I should sacrifice my time and comfort to spend time with them because they’re FAMILY#never mind that literally not a SINGLE ONE OF THEM has EVER come up to visit me#IM always expected to drive down there. but that sacrifice doesn’t count it’s not good enough#but if I stay that late I won’t be getting home until AT LEAST midnight or later#cuz my family has no fucking concept of time so if it starts at six that means it doesn’t ACTUALLY start until 7 so most of them might be#there by 8 so I’ll be expected to stay until at least 10 to sufficiently catch up with all of them#I’m going to scream I’m going to cry#if I leave early I’m the awful ungrateful terrible bitch who never comes to see any of them#but none of them could adjust their days by just a few hours to see me before I needed to leave#FOR MY FUCKING JOB !!!!!!!! SOMETHING COMPLETELY OUT OF MY CONTROL#and like the thing is. my piece of shit manipulative bitch mother#I KNOW she did this on purpose#I know she didn’t plan this until six to FORCE me to stay longer because she was mad I wasn’t staying long#(again… because of work… something I can’t control)#so she’s orchestrated this to put me in this position#where I have to suck it up and stay and be exhausted and have tired migraines for a week cuz I get only a couple hours of sleep and then#or leave and make everyone pissed. I hate her so FUCKING much
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bowlofr1ce · 8 months
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Stuff has been on my mind lately. And I can’t stop thinking about it.
I am giggling and kicking my legs that something I’ve been waiting over a year and a half for will be releasing soon. Every time I ask my friends “should I go for it?” And they always responded with “wait” and it’s just been like this every single time. And it’s finally happening.
But then in the back of my mind I hear “are you sure you really want to do this?” “it’s a lot of money. and your current employment is in jeopardy.” And then I tell that voice “I have been waiting for months! I have been waiting! For SO LONG! And I am SICK! AND TIRED! OF WAITING!” But then that voice retaliates “THINK about the money though! THINK about what mom and dad would think.” And that immediately halts me in my track. This is something I’ve been waiting a long, long time for. It’s a large scale investment that I’m willing to make with my own hard earned money. And yet. I fear that they’ll think I just sunk a lot of money on another toy. It’s not a toy, it’s basically a console. It’s the equivalent of buying a Switch 2 or a PlayStation 6 or something that will be in the future! But I’m scared. It’s fricking half a grand. I have the ability to spend that sort of money. I have the security to spend that sort of money. But I’m scared to make the leap. I’m scared of, well, spending money. And my parents, who usually make really good financial decisions, they might judge me because I indulged in something that I’m interested in. And it’s not what I’m interested in that’s the problem. It’s the cost that’s the problem. If I were to ask dad if I should go for the older, soon-to-be-irrelevant, cheaper option or the newer, more future proof, yet more expensive option, dad would probably say to go for the newer one.
Thing is I don’t know if they know this is something I want to do. I’m scared of how they’ll react if I suddenly said “hey! I wanna spend $500!” Like it’s something I just came up on the spot. Like no! This is something I’ve been thinking about and researching for years, and I decided that this is something I will be doing since over last year, and now this year, I am deciding to take that leap! But I’m still scared. I’m scared of the loss of money, and my current employment situation not looking good at the moment now that college kicked in. I’m scared of my parents who i feel should be okay if I explain myself about this but he problem is that they don’t give me a chance to speak. And especially mom if she has her mind on something it’s hard to take her mind off of that. (I.e. if she thinks you did something wrong, that means that you did something wrong, even if you didn’t do anything. And you can’t explain yourself either. I told this to mom that we should be able to explain herself but she basically dismissed that saying “explaining yourself won’t fix things. If you explain yourself with ‘oh, I needed money’ after robbing a bank, that doesn’t make what you did okay” LIKE??? THIS AND THAT ARE COMPLETELY DIFFERENT SITUATIONS!!)
I suppose the only thing that will stop me from making this leap when it’s possible isn’t the money, but the fear of judgement and disapproval from my parents from doing so. And unfortunately, I’ve come to realize that this dictated most of the decisions I made in life.
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gregmarriage · 9 months
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“i’m too old to change.”
well, maybe if you weren’t a fucking coward
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Currently resisting the urge to blackmail my father into therapy
#At this point I’ve almost said “well if you don’t talk about your Jehovah’s Witness trauma with someone; I will#because yours is directly related to mine due to having vented on me about it since I was six”#I’ve almost said it ten times within the past hour#exjw#And this is the congregation he thought was our family’s eternal salvation from my apostacy. Ha!#“Jehovah is guiding us here” Jehovah didn’t do shit for you except give you PTSD-induced gout and kidney stones; come off it#Get out of her my people#I’m not even sorry for him. What the elders said to him wasn’t his fault; but he 100% got himself into this mess#for my benefit (to strike the fear of god into his disgusting homosexual sinning boygirl daughter with raging hormones)#And his homophobic rant he went on… please just call me a faggot#I’m having it out with him before I go for no other reason but my own satisfaction#ex cult#”I can’t talk to a worldly therapist because they won’t want to worship Jehovah when someone preaches to them”#Why — pray tell — will they react in that way? Because it’s a cult#Cult: spelled “C-U-L-T.” You didn’t listen to the content of my diaries (which you read against my will) and now you’re suffering#Play stupid games win stupid prizes#He’s the most traumatized out of the two of us as a direct result of him trying to “fix” me…#also because I don’t keep touching a hot stove after it burns me. JWs are a toxic cult; so I no longer believe them#My mental health is better as a result#I have worldly comfort media and I swear liberally (which is proven to soothe physical pain)#I’ve accepted myself as queer. I’ve accepted my dark tastes in music and media.#I’ve started doing something with my life to get out ASAP.#Life isn’t good but it’s gotten better once I changed my mindset and stopped being a close-minded homophobic asshole#Just because a couple gay guys were creepy towards you doesn’t mean they’re all like that#Straight guys have been creepy towards me and I never said I wished death upon all straight men#A creep is a creep is a creep; sexuality doesn’t make you a creep — being creepy makes you a creep
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