#and she fucking brought up adhd meds again like FUCK OFFFFFFF HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO SAY I DONT WANT TO TAKE THEM BEFORE IT CLICKS

[milo-is-rambling]

Omg yesterday at my moms therapy I said how well I had been doing and feeling like I can actually handle life and my mom was immediately like “that’s because you’ve been taking your meds regularly again” and like completely brushed off any progress I had actually made and I had to be like yeah totally that’s it that’s why exactly when I haven’t taken my meds for a week straight in idk how long

#I was like yup totally that sure is why I’ve been feeling good totally #not at all that I’ve been spending time to do things I like and journal and process my feelings in healthy ways or that I am consciously #making strides towards regular person sanity #and she fucking brought up adhd meds again like FUCK OFFFFFFF HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO SAY I DONT WANT TO TAKE THEM BEFORE IT CLICKS #I. DONT. WANT. TO. TAKE. THEM. they are a tool in MY mental health toolbox bitch back off my toolbox I know you fucking live adhd meds and #won’t shut up about them but I am happy now and I don’t like my brain on adhd meds and the only reason you want me on them is because you #like me more when I’m doing stereotypically productive tasks so you’d rather have me cleaning the house and not doing the shit I love than #you would have me not taking my meds and making art and writing poetry #like god #she just doesn’t fucking get it #I cannot create when I take adhd meds. that part of my brain just like dissolves. #the way I work is that constantly I have a million projects on the back burner in my mind and when I get inspired I make one #when I take my adhd meds I can’t just pick up a fun project I don’t get those ideas I can’t write poetry I can’t make art it’s like it sever #severs the line between my creative mind and my regular mind and I have nothing in my life that I need to be THAT focused on right now #but I have my perscruption still! like if I ever need it it’s there but that’s not your fucking decision that’s mine and you need to back #off my brain because it is a delicate fucking ecosystem up there in my head and I’m not going to fuck with anything until I have to #god. sorry. went on a bit of a rant. I am just so sick of arguing over my mom wanting to control the way I medicate myself. I am an adult #and she is not inside my brain so she needs to listen when I tell her how things affect me #she takes adhd meds like twice every day and hates the feeling of not being on them but I just don’t like them and she won’t fucking drop it #okay I am getting mad about adhd meds and my mother right before I have to be in the car with her all morning i need to relax #we’re going to psychic we’re gonna have fun #we’re not going to argue about this again.