#why the fuck he a toad for real

[crankedsquid]

He looks like a frog... or perhaps even a toad?

#froggo #toads #cookie dough #why the fuck he a toad for real #please validate me #please agree this looks like a toad and i havent gone mad with grief

[rs-hawk]

So Ohio has an Urban Legend called the Loveland frog and it's a giant frog that hangs around the swamps...say a reader got too curious and wanted to learn about it...for science

Ohh yes. I am very familiar with the Loveland Frog. I've never written about anything amphibian like this before so I hope you enjoy this! I did have to do some research though so that’s why this has taken awhile 🙏

You have always been an avid amateur cryptozoologist. It's not like you ever have thought that you would actually find anything, but you have fun, and for the most part it's a harmless hobby. You decide to head to Loveland, Ohio, in search of the supposedly pleasant Loveland Frogman, more affectionately called the “Loveland Frog”.

It’s dark when you creep to the little river he’s said to reside in. To you’re surprise, there’s no one else around. You read conflicting things on the frog, but it seems like the most common is that it’s a man sized frog with human intelligence, or a frog with a man’s body. Either way, it’s weirdly creepy, and almost a bit funny to you. You wander near the river, admiring the sounds of the night and the way the stars reflect off the water.

There’s the sound of splashing behind you, and at first, you pay it no mind. Jumping frogs, little fish, maybe even turtles. It isn’t until you feel something wet and… slimy? grab your arm that you turn around. Towering over you is the Loveland Frog. A hulking creature that you never expected to be real, much less be such an impressive specimen. All kinds of thoughts raced through your mind as you looked over it, it’s hand still curled around your forearm. Most prominent is “How does this thing mate?”

The creature slowly lets go of your arm, looking you over with matched curiosity. It brushes your hair out of your face, softly touching your skin and making croaking sounds at you that you’re unfamiliar with. They’re deep and powerful, vibrating in your chest with how close it is. Then, quite suddenly, it forces one of its slimy fingers inside of your mouth.

You wrinkle your nose at the taste and spit it out, but you’re already feeling the affects. While you can clearly see this thing is a frog, not a toad, the toxins that it must exude from its skin when it so pleases are flooding your brain. There’s a warmth and wetness between your legs that makes you let out an involuntary whimper when you adjust and your pants grind against your core. The creature seems pleased at the sound of your pleasure, causing it to reach out for you again.

You’re so unbalanced on your feet, with your body feeling both too light and too heavy at the same time, that you don’t even care as it leads you to an even more secluded part of the river. You’re back to wondering how something like this could mate. Is there only one? You’re swallowed by darkness as it takes you to a thicket.

The feeling of your clothes being stripped off of you and the cool wind that blows across the river hitting your bare skin makes you hum. The creature lays you down, spreading your legs to gaze at your dripping cunt. That makes you squirm, still present enough of mind to realize that this thing is trying to mate with you, however it does that. Instead of being disgusted though, you can’t help but being curious.

It’s long tongue slides across your clit, making you cry out in pleasure, your button pulsing and throbbing already. It pushes its tongue inside of you, your back arching and whimpering moans escaping your lips as it tongue fucks you to the brink. You’re so close to cumming that when it stops, you start cursing and whining.

That’s when the creature turns you on your back, shoving your face into the dirt. You do little, your body still feeling not like your own. It-he- pushes something thick and long inside of you. You grunt as you’re stretched out, trying to adjust to his size. Then, it starts slowly humping into you, and with each thrust, small objects are deposited into your womb. That’s when you start to squirm and cry out, begging for it to stop. Instead, he curls his hand over your face, forcing his fingers inside of your mouth again.

You’re so high that you slump completely against the ground, now enjoying the feeling of your womb being filled with heavy but squishy eggs. As the creature keeps fucking you into the dirt, you can’t help but clench and cum around his cock multiple times. So many times that you lose count. Finally, he pulls out. You think that it’s over so you let yourself relax, the high making your brain foggy.

However, after a moment, something even larger is stuffed into your used cunt. You moan loudly, grabbing at the grass underneath you. The first frogman walks in front of you, shoving his cock down your throat to feed you the toxin directly as the second creature fucks his cum deeply into you, coating your womb and fertilizing the heavy eggs inside of you.

Your eyes roll back into your head as the toxin makes you even more sensitive, causing you to cum each time the creature inside of you does. You can feel his slick dripping out of you, coating your thighs and the ground under you. Or maybe it’s your own. At this point, you’re not sure.

By sunrise, they both slink off back to the water, leaving you still high and foggy, covered in cum, with a stomach that already looks nine months pregnant.

#writers on tumblr #writing #fantasy romance #author #monster lover #monster romance #fantasy smut #monster fucker #monster fuqqer #smut #monster fudger #monsterfucking nsft #tw monsterfucking #monsterfucking cw #monster k!nk #monster kink #br33d1ng #br33dable #breeding k1nk #egg kink #egg k!nk #fantasy nsft #nsft asks #monster nsft #anon asks #answered asks #asks open #send asks #send dirty asks #send me asks

[respectthepetty]

@placetneplacet writing about Zo being resistant to Joke's advances because he truly believed it was all in his head due to Puen deceiving him has me DEEP in my feels because @placetneplacet is right. Rewatching the show with the knowledge of the trauma Puen caused Zo changes everything.

Really think about this, y'all.

THINK ABOUT IT!

Each time Zo felt any good feelings for Joke, he immediately stopped himself.

He shut down every single time because he couldn't trust himself. He didn't want to repeat his mistake of making someone else uncomfortable with his queerness.

When Joke touched him, he had to remind himself that it meant nothing.

So when he kissed Joke, he sat there that entire time believing Joke would tell him he was crazy for thinking the feeling was mutual.

He really tried to convince himself (and Joke) that nothing changed. That is meant nothing. Because he was afraid of losing a friend.

So when Joke said this, Zo panicked even more!

As @justafriend-ql wrote, once Joke spilled the Roselle juice on him, symbolizing his heart being on his sleeve, Zo thought he was exposed. He thought it was happening all over AGAIN!

And he sat there throughout that entire dinner with Joke in front of his mom, with that red stain, that scarlet letter, his heart on his sleeve FREAKING OUT!

So while Joke was hyping him up to his mom, Zo was getting more anxious telling himself IT WAS IN HIS HEAD! That it didn't mean what he thought it meant. That is was just a friend being a friend.

He was so cold to Joke because he didn't want to give Joke any evidence of his growing feelings. He didn't want Joke to feel uncomfortable, but he also didn't want to give Joke any ammunition to hurt him.

He didn't want to regret it like he did before.

Joke never said how he felt about the kiss because he didn't want to push Zo, but by him not saying anything, Zo went deeper into his head thinking about how he could salvage this without losing Joke.

So the next time he saw Joke, and Joke kept repeating that tongue twister about the fucking toads in love, ZO WAS REPEATING THAT IT WAS ALL IN HIS HEAD! That Joke was just teasing him like Puen had done!

THIS ENTIRE FUCKING CONVERSATION!

Zo was demanding that Joke tell him WHY he kept helping him. He needed to hear Joke say that they were "just friends" so he could finally confirm it was all in his head.

Zo kept calling himself an idiot because he let this happen again. He mixed up the signals. He read too much into it. He is going to destroy another friendship because HE IS THE PROBLEM for thinking the other person liked him.

He was confused because he couldn't stop caring, despite knowing it was one-sided. Even though he knew it was all in his head.

Look at his reaction to being hugged by Joke. LOOK AT IT! He was fighting himself this entire episode. Just like the kiss, he doesn't touch Joke. He stands there. HE IS PANICKING! Because if he hugs Joke, he is exposed. Joke will know how he feels.

It's not until the very end of this episode that Joke tells him that he likes him.

The very last moment, Joke tells Zo what he thought he had imagined was, in fact, real. And look at Zo's face.

That is the look of hope.

He still doesn't believe it.

But in spite of everything, he hopes this is real.

When Zo's friends are also "surprised" by Joke's feelings, it makes Zo doubt it more.

But even though Zo can't express himself because he is still terrified this is all a joke at his expense and believes Joke is going to leave him, Joke keeps showing up.

Joke keeps checking in.

Joke doesn't take Zo's silence as a rejection because he realizes Zo struggles to voice his feelings since he can't trust his feelings, but Joke follows up for his consent each time.

@stuffnonsenseandotherthings told us it's never been about food with them.

Because Puen made Zo doubt himself so much that he fought himself to the point of repression. Zo wasn't trying to quiet Joke's queerness; he was trying to convince himself that Joke wasn't gay. He was telling him it was all his imagination because Joke was simply being nice to him. He was telling him he didn't like Joke being nice to him because HE was getting it confused.

Zo knew who he was, yet Puen convinced him that was all a lie.

And I fucking hate him.

@bengiyo, add him to the list. He knew.

#hidden agenda #puen changed everything #joke x zo #I'm in my feels #I'm crying in the club #I'm plotting revenge

[pissylittlebirdboy]

list of ENEMIES (in order of most wanted dead)

set my damn colleague on fire. fucker. (the--real--god)

floating fucking head who capitalizes off of religious trauma and puts glorious lovely angels in bad places because he’s a twat (@the-metatron)

God (@the-almighty-god)

OH MY GODS THERES ANOTHER ONE HOW MANY DO I HAVE TO KILL (@the-unmighty-god)

tried to fuck with my kids and broke my knee (@the-real-michael-demiurgos)

Marquis Leraje

the Marquis’ dumb hot assassin

snake fucker with the stupid glasses (@thedemon-crowley)

no no no please lord save me

angel fucker who talked back to me (@janeway-lover)

stupid old car that only plays one artist (@imthebentley)

fucking pauper who keeps stealing my stuff to make me mad (@youroneandonlysnakelady)

ray of sunshine with hair-bunny ears (why is that a trend in hell?) (@ask-eric-the-disposable-demon)

ugly as fuck crusty-white-dog hair so bad that the holy water should’ve defied the laws of physics to obliterate it from existence (@duke-hastur)

broader enemies

flies and anything in the family muscidae

homophobes

donald trump

croc-wearers

pinapple pizza enjoyers

people who cause inflation

child abusers

annoying motherfuckers

demon owl princes who cheat on their lovely wives with ugly fire toads

#enemies #🦚🗡️🩸 #u.f.d. #theprinceulysses #theprincespeaks #list #stupid snakes #stupid people #stupid… deities? #I HATE YOU ALL

[livwritesstuff]

okay so when i was writing this, i had a whole scene written about how steve is a video game guy and bought himself the SNES when it came out as a reward for getting through undergrad and loves the mario franchise in particular. i ended up cutting it out for the sake of brevity, but it got me thinking

In 2008, Steve and Eddie give their daughters a Nintendo Wii as a collective Christmas gift, and with it comes Mario Kart.

Now, nothing rivals the Harrington Family Mario Kart experience – there’s ganging up on each other and mocking the CPUs and throwing Wii remotes across the room and relentless trash talk. It is an all-time favorite game to play as a family.

That being said – Eddie is horrible at Mario Kart, even the janky earlier versions. He’s able to hold his own against his seven- and five-year old for about as long as it takes for them to figure out the controls (which is approx. two days for Moe, and Robbie’s right behind her). After that, he’s consistently getting destroyed by not only his husband, but also his elementary school-aged children.

Steve, on the other hand, is excellent at Mario Kart. He went easy on the girls while they were learning but the second they had it figured out and started to become real competition for him, it was over. He is also extremely competitive, something Moe and Robbie absolutely picked up from him, so by the time the Nintendo Switch is released in 2017, Mario Kart had become a very serious family affair (much to Eddie’s chagrin).

Eddie gets one look at Metal Mario and insists on playing as him because…metal. Duh. But then he’s careening uncontrollably around the course, spending more time soaring off the track than actually driving on it, and he can’t figure out why.

Robbie: Different characters have different stats, Dad.

Eddie: What the fuck are his stats then?

Robbie: Pretty sure he’s, like, one of the fastest ones.

So he switches over to Lemmy (because “that’s a kick-ass head of hair”) and comfortably ambles around the course, never placing higher than eighth but also no longer sending himself flying off into the abyss.

Hazel inherited her dad’s lack of proclivity for the game (though she’s definitely still better at it than him – it would be hard not to be). She likes the “cute” ones – the babies, the villagers, Toad and Toadette – and she usually chooses a novelty cart like the carousel horse. She also doesn’t have that competitive need to win, which is good because Moe, Robbie, and Steve can collectively bring the “healthy” tension-level to its max capacity.

Moe’s guiding force in choosing a Mario Kart character is a healthy mix of aesthetic and irony. She usually opts for King Boo. She also maintains that the stats don’t actually mean anything, and that she drives the same regardless of who she plays as

Steve and Robbie completely disagree with this. They are arguably the best at Mario Kart out of the entire family, and they’re pretty much matched, skill-wise. As such, they have very strong feelings about those stats that Moe says don’t matter because they tend to be the determining factor in who actually wins.

Steve is always using new combinations of characters and karts – he has an Excel spreadsheet for tracking what he’s tried out and everything.

Conversely, Robbie has firmly settled on Rosalina and will not change her mind.

Steve: There’s, like, six characters way faster than her!

Robbie: It’s about the traction, Pop.

#becoming a functioning adult turned steve into an excel guy #the booster course wave releases were no joke to steve and robbie #she literally came home from college for the 3rd and 4th ones so they could try the tracks out together the second they dropped #liv’s steddie dads verse #steddie dads #steddie #steve harrington #eddie munson

[soppingwetrat]

[ID: The image shows a transcript from episode 7 of the magnus protocol. It reads:

Alice: Who, Chester? He's not so bad. Better than Norris, whiny little toad. End ID]

"alex insulting martin again haha so funny" ok but how does Alice know that Norris is a whiny little toad??? she keeps pestering Sam for paying attention to the incidents, but she herself has clearly given them enough thought to recognise that Norris only reads incidents that are sad and depressing and "whiny". she most likely noticed the patterns in Chester's incidents as well

i think Alice isn't as ignorant as she pretends to be. she knows what's going on, but she feigns ignorance either out of self-preservation, or out of loyalty to the OIAR or Lena (or someone else malicious)

my only question is, if she's aware of how dangerous her job actually is, why would she get Sam to join??? if she knows that the incidents are all real, why would she put him in such a dangerous position like that, especially knowing that he's desperate?

(also i really like the idea of Alice saying all that fucked up shit, not because she thinks she's in an office comedy, but because she knows they're in a horror and it's a little inside joke she has with herself)

#the magnus protocol #tmagp #tmagp spoilers #alice dyer #rat rants

[reigenkills]

no Muerte x Reader? fine (thanos voice): i'll do it myself

ella enchanted + red riding hood reader, Death having a laugh

EDIT: PART TWO LMAO | PART THREE 💀 | PART FOUR | PART FIVE | PART SIX | 7 | 8

EDIT EDIT: AO3 CROSSPOST

EDIT EDIT EDIT: WHOEVER WANTS TO BE ON A TAGLIST FOR THIS PLS PUT IN THE REPLIES

"I'm surprised you actually tried it."

You wince, instantly holding yourself still in the pose of dropping a match into a bowl full of spell ingredients. There is a fire burning in said bowl in front of you, but your shadow stretches ahead, looming over you, the summoning circle, and the stolen grimoire.

"It wasn't supposed to work," you say.

"It wouldn't have," says the thing casting the physics-bending shadow. "But I'm curious why you did it anyway when you knew it was a dud."

You eye the grimoire with a grimace, pride twinging in sympathy for the witch you'd stolen it from. She was a big-name witch too, real infamous in her circles. Of course you knew she was bullshit the second she started talking about being able to undo your curse, but some of her work is legit; and she might have tried to turn you into a toad, but you're slightly offended on her behalf.

There's a sniff (what? who just does that?) and then the shadow tilts its head. "Something's wrong with you."

"Isn't there with everyone?"

The shadow ignores you, instead stooping down - and a shot of fear bolts down your spine at the sudden wash of cold that hangs close to your back. There's that sniff again, and then, a voice right beside you says: "Oh, you're cursed."

Great. Rule number one of being a mercenary, never let your enemies smell blood. Or fear. Or uh, your curse, but apparently this guy can sniff that out somehow.

Then again, you should have expected this when you got roped into catching fucking Death.

It'll be a quick job, they said. Twenty minutes tops after snatching the great Evil Witch's spellbook and finding the spell to trap Death. Nevermind the fact that every witch worth their broom calls themself an Evil Witch these days, of course, and you had to go through several hundred censuses to figure out which one was your mark.

And then there's the fact that you're supposed to be catching Death. Fucking hell.

"Curious," says Death. Honest-to-goodness Death. What the fuck. "If you knew it wasn't going to work, and if you're already headed my way with that curse, why go through with the spell?"

"Shouldn't you know?"

"I'm Death, not Knowledge," he says. "Trust me, you'd know the difference between me and that nerd any day."

To your mortification, you can't stop the godawful snicker that joke gets out of you. You slap a hand over your mouth to muffle the noise.

Death snorts. "Tell me."

"I was ordered to trap you," you automatically say, and then clench your teeth in frustration, frowning. This damnable curse of yours.

"Oh?" Death moves, smoothly gliding from behind you to your side; the movement instantly draws your attention to him and - oh shit.

"What red eyes you have," you whisper, freezing under the brightness of his stare. With his hood pulled over his head, they're about the only thing you can see of his face, save for his snout, and the rows of large, sharp, teeth.

"The better to see you with, my dear." Death grins. "Was that your curse?"

"What was?" You swallow. "I'm just not used to meeting new people, I'm a nervous blabber."

"Tell me the truth."

"Yes, it was," you say, and then make a noise of frustration, clenching your fists.

"Look at that." If it were possible, Death's grin widens, effectively baring his teeth not even two inches away from your face in the process. "Isn't that interesting?"

"It's really not."

"Oh, but it is," he says. "How'd you get it? Parents not pay off their debts when it was due? Throw a rock at a bird and anger its patron? Or did you cut out the middleman and piss off fae?"

Spitefully, you keep your mouth shut, teeth grinding together in the effort. Death only snickers, narrowing his eyes in amusement.

"I could always just ask you to tell me," he says. "I don't have to be polite to someone who was trying to trap me."

"I knew it wouldn't work."

"You tried it anyway," he says. "And if you're gonna blame it on your curse, then let me understand exactly how this works."

Your gums are starting to hurt from how hard your jaw is clenched. Your glare up at him as pettily as you can manage, but the motherfucker doesn't look away, doesn't even blink while you glower at him.

Fucking eldritch entities.

You sigh.

"I was…cursed," you say, then, amend: "Gifted by fae when I was a baby. The gift of obedience."

"Because?"

"...cause she thought it would be a nice gift," you grumble. "Except - you know - that's nice when you're like, five or something, but not when…" You make a haphazard gesture with your hand.

Death eyes you up and down, though his gaze lingers over your shoulder and above your head, like he's seeing something only he can sense. You try your best not to shrink under the intensity of his gaze.

After a while, he says, "Pat your head."

Your hand automatically flies up to pat your head.

The piece of shit has the gall to laugh.

"Asshole!" You get to your feet, kicking the bowl of still-burning summoning ingredients at him. Who gives a shit if it's Death. The ass just laughed at you after telling you to pat your head like a chump. Sadly, he barely has to pay attention to dodge the metal bowl as it flies past him.

"You had to run around looking for that witch and nearly get turned into a worm," Death says, "Because of a gift of obedience?"

He breaks into another round of cackles at that, all seven feet or so of him doubling over in laughter. Your hands twitch for one of the guns in your holster, but no matter how irritating he is, it's probably not a good idea to shoot Death.

"Very funny," you seethe.

"It is," Death says, "It's hilarious."

"Yeah, well, let's see you laughing when someone figures out they can tell me to try and kill you or whatever," you grit out. "I can't control it, you know."

"Mm. I'd just tell you to not do that, after you tire yourself out. Way more fun that way," he says, snickering.

He turns to where the remnants of the ingredients bowl have scattered, still burning away - because the magic might have been wrong, but it's still magic, so the damn things haven't burnt to ashes yet - and inclines his head down towards it. The flames instantly snuff out.

"Stop trying to trap me," he says, and you instantly feel the command contradict your last directive, strain against it, and break it down. Your limbs loosen; you unclench your jaw. "You should probably move continents or something. Far Far Away still has mercenaries."

"You're not gonna kill me?"

"I don't kill," Death snorts. "I collect. The affairs of the living aren't my concern - until they are, at least. Some kid getting their curse used against them hardly concerns me."

The wording has you narrowing your eyes at him again. "And my…employers?"

He grins again, and you wisely back off at the sight of his teeth. "That's up to me to decide, isn't it?"

"I guess," you say. "You need addresses or anything?"

"Nah," he says. "I'm Death, kid. I'm everywhere."

This time, you snort, crouching to pick up the grimoire on the floor and tuck it under your arm. If you're gonna move continents to a place where nobody knows your curse, you're gonna need way more leverage than you usually do. "You just said you weren't Knowledge - "

You blink as you straighten, finding yourself alone in the barren, empty room. There's no looming figure, no overly bright red eyes. Just you.

You were visited by Death and he didn't kill you. Laughed at your plight, yes, but you're alive and kicking.

Probably best not to look a gift horse in the mouth. Or a wolf in the maw. Whatever. You should start packing and getting the hell out of here.

#puss in boots x reader #muerte x reader #puss in boots death x reader #fic #the most bizarre concept lmaoooooo #fanfiction

[dayurno]

Jean should get a tiny, very mean dog and name him Andrew Minyard. Just to be a hater

my favorite thing in the world is jean mocking andrew and especially andrew's relationship with kevin. yeah it's out of jealousy but god is jean moreau good at being a hater. the way jean sees andrew it's like he's a gnome or a gremlin of sorts with grubby little hands. maybe a toad-like creature. You don't exist to me but why are you fucking my ex. kevjeandrew can be real and moral

#asks #jeandrew is one of my favorite things in the world they HATE each other and they could KISS ABOUT IT #jean: you could just cheat on him you know. you could just do that kevin: goodnight #jean #andrew

[saintsenara]

Hi, if you're still doing the ask game, may I inquire about your opinion on the following ships ? : Tomarrinny, Bartymort, Quirrellmort, Petermort and Tom Sr/Cecilia/Merope. Also, thoughts on MoD!Voldemort or on how a meeting between Snape and Petunia would have gone ? Thanks !

thank you very much, @take-the-unknow-road-now for this wonderful selection of unhinged things for me to talk about. i am always ready for asks which inspire chaos:

tomarrinny

when she's eleven, harry's twelve, and tom is an immortal shard of soul? no.

when she's thirty, harry's thirty-one, and tom is back from the dead for some reason? absolutely. after all, why shouldn't ginny be allowed two orphans, as a treat? and why shouldn't tom be allowed two people who are clearly less good-looking than him to pay him attention? plus, two quidditch players will definitely be willing to do all the work, allowing him to achieve his true form: undying pillow princess.

but - in reality - we all know which way the power dynamic actually lies: tom and ginny are both harry's subs. let's hope that their ability to jointly write a poem has improved since the 'his eyes are as green as a fresh pickled toad' days.

bartymort

canon.

there has never been a man with a more flagrant daddy kink than barty crouch jr., and we all know that he threw himself onto lord voldemort's lap the second he arrived in his first death eater meeting. the dark lord advised him that he'd be physically chastised if this behaviour continued. unfortunately for him, that was exactly what barty wanted to happen.

the reason it burned out hard is because lord voldemort also has towering daddy issues. he is even forced to reveal what his real name and background is in an effort to make barty understand that sometimes he'd like to do something other than put on a double-breasted suit and pretend he's come home on time to attend a birthday party. (for example: 'hello son, i've come to pick you up from the orphanage' role-play.)

barty literally couldn't give less of a fuck. lord voldemort is not sorry when he gets turned into a soulless husk.

quirrellmort

lord voldemort - overcome with joy at being back in a human body after a decade - doesn't think through how awkward the aftermath of this will be, and spends the first night he's attached to quirrell's head directing him in a... let's just say... exploration of his anatomy.

quirrell is so pathetically suggestible that - from that point onwards - he can't get off unless the dark lord is talking dirty to him. but can you imagine how cringe trying to speak sexily to quirrell must be? (hey baby, what are you wearing? a turban which smells of garlic?)

voldemort simply pretends not to have heard when quirrell brings this up. unfortunately, all this does is make quirrell want to talk about his feelings.

lord voldemort is not sorry when harry kills him.

petermort

flopping. lord voldemort hates wormtail, because he betrayed a man to whom he would give his affections: james potter.

[seriously, he is a simp for james. there is no other explanation for why he insists that james fought him bravely when he turned up on halloween when we canonically know that what james actually did was run into the hall without his wand and then fall over.]

but don't worry. wormtail is getting some god-tier hate sex out of snape.

tom riddle sr./cecilia/merope gaunt

i'm going to answer this lightly, on the assumption that this triad is consensual.

tom sr. is getting thrown out of the bedroom within seconds. they're lesbians.

[he'll be fine. he goes for a little walk to sulk and ends up making out with frank bryce against a rose trellis. the four of them become bffs.]

and then our not-ship questions:

lord voldemort as the master of death

sounds like a lot of hard work, plus both of his parents keep appearing whenever he touches the resurrection stone to shout at him.

snape versus petunia

snape went round to speak to her about what a dick he thinks harry is (dumbledore told him to speak to her about the blood protection, he didn't want to.)

they fucked.

#asks answered #asenora's opinions on ships

[littlewestern]

James. let's hear it, I wanna hear your spicy mamma mia ship opinions on funny red train 🤌

I struggle to nail down my thoughts about James's relationships about 75% of the time, but thankfully @greatwesternway functions as my extant, offsite brain for when mine doesn't work and reminded me of some good ones.

DUCK:

ALRIGHT! Before everyone starts beating me with hammers for typing yet more words about Duck, let me defend myself.

This is probably my favorite relationship that James has in the series, though I can't say I ship it per se. But the pieces are all there, right?

James finds Duck suuuuper fucking annoying, and it's really easy to see why. On a surface level, Duck talks about one thing all the time, he comes off as being no fun (read: more interested in doing his job than looking splendid or pulling important trains), and despite not being splendid or gorgeous or even really remarkable in any way, Duck has all the independence and responsibility that James claims to desire.

This obfuscates the true nature of James's disdain, though. James doesn't dislike Duck because of anything so superficial as looks or station. James is jealous. God, he's so jealous!

Duck, unlike James, places a great deal of value and importance on his identity as a GWR engine, but he also slots beautifully into life on the NWR without much issue. (There was that hiccup with the diesel, but that's besides the point, you can't account for what diesels will do to a yard.)

James, by contrast, has never felt at home on any railway and so has leaned into the idea that he is simply an individual. Who needs a shared identity when you can just be red? Certainly no sour grapes to be found here, nope, no sir! James is just fine by himself and he doesn't need anybody else to feel accepted and wanted and like a real part of the railway.

But Duck... Duck seems so happy! He just does his jobs and works hard and, as if by magic, gets everything James claims to want. He has a branch line, gets consistent recognition for being Really Useful, and no one's ever double or triple-checking to make sure he's doing his jobs without complaint or fuss. He's even got guys who laugh at his jokes! No one ever laughs at James's jokes... It's hard to watch the guy you dislike get everything you think you want.

Of course, James doesn't actually want a branch line or responsibility or any of those other things. What he wants is the belonging, the simple satisfaction of having confidence in who you are without the cherry red veneer James has to throw on top of everything. When Duck rolls on by with his slip coaches and seaside line and the respect and admiration of everyone he works with, James gets a glimpse at what his life could be if he'd only set aside his pride and insecurity. But it's not that easy, is it?

It would be easy, however, to take this in a shippy direction. For James, any strong feeling (positive or negative) about another engine tends to turn quickly to a desire for acceptance, but I fear it's doomed to be one-sided in this case. Duck has guys who like him a lot more than James does, and they're all ten times more responsible and less troublesome than the NWR's number 5. Handsomer, too, in Duck's estimation.

TOAD:

PUT. THE HAMMERS. DOWN.

No, listen! I'm completely serious! Toad is so good for James in Toad's Adventure. And why wouldn't he be? Toad is good for everyone, but especially James.

He only takes Toad on because he has to have a brake van, but by the end of the ordeal not only does James learn a valuable lesson about how accidents are more easily forgiven than simple neglect, he also has gained such a great amount of respect for Toad that he sets him up to tell the whole story to a rapt switching yard. This is such a cool move by a guy who has gained a reputation for being incredibly Not Cool, especially not to his own rolling stock.

Toad is an interesting pick to me because he's a veritable font of wisdom and practical advice, and James is great at taking that sort of knowledge to the next logical conclusion. James the Critical Thinking Engine. Toad would be indispensable for him to have around consistently but he also never poses the kind of threat to James's ego that another engine might. Toad can also stick up for himself when it matters, so you won't see him rolling over if his engine starts to mistreat him. Maybe not the best for shipping, but it's a relationship dynamic I really like.

Thanks for the ask!

#ttte #james #duck #toad #asks #shipping meme #anonymous

[tv-girllover07]

Something metal🥁

Kevin schlieb × fem!reader

Movie: Metal lords

Part 4

Blue italic= there thoughts

Green italic= Kevin narrating

Scene skip ⏭️

I’m at hunters house with two other people playing D&D “And the Slippers of Spider Climbing go to Malmsteen of Gorgoroth.” He said and painted at Hunter, I hear Mr Sylvester laugh “What kind of girlie name is Malmsteen of Gorgoroth?” He asks

“I don't know, Dad. Why don't you ask one of your real housewives while you’re shoving water balloons into there tits” Hunter snaps back at him, I look at the other members around the table “Plastic surgeon.” so they would understand what they were talking about. I understand, dungeons and dragons even less then metal but it’s a chance for us to hang out with new people, especially for people who can be in our band, if he joins Skullfucker, then we’re a band, right? So then we can play in the Battle of the Bands. If people like us, then maybe they’ll ask us to play at some parties. I hope Hunter likes this guy. Sometimes he’s not so nice to people when he’s uncomfortable and being around, his dad makes him-- “Well, Malmsteen just can't believe that a halfling rogue would be dumb and ungrateful enough to try and rip off a half-orc barbarian who just saved him from five ice toads. But he thinks he'll show mercy.

“Until he remembers that mercy is for the weak. Malmsteen pulls out Hell Slinger his +3 great sword...” ”Hunter” I cut him off “...And he tells Auriac Stormhollow to shut his glory hole before he starts his first attack.” Hunter drops the dice’s on the table making a loud clack “Plus ten, that's a hit-- “Hunter, don't be an idiot.” And Hunter continues to ignore me “He runs the blade between the thief's ribs. Second attack. Uh-oh! There goes the leg. And for the final attack...oh shit! ,Head over to Dr. Sylvester's for some post-op implants, because I just chopped off your dick.” Hunter said that while holding the guys arm and making it look like he was chopping his dick.

“Sure, sure” Mr Sylvester said laughing, “You just remember that those implants are what paid for your guitar, your incel action figures, and all your dumbass Satan-worship T-shirts!” Mr Sylvester yelled “I'm gonna go play tennis! Have you see my American Express?” Hunter just shrugs and drinks his Mountain Dew and I look at him. The guy I asked to come over gets up and grabs his bag “Where are you going.” Hunter asks “Leaving. This sucks compared to Call of Duty. Kevin, see you in class.” And he leaves “Hunter, we were going to ask him to play bass for us. He says he's pretty good.” Hunter shakes his head “It's for the best. We can never trust a guy like that.” I look at him pissed why can’t he just except the fact that we really need a bass player.

(Scene skip ⏭️)

“I’m telling you, she’s really good.” I said to Hunter but he disagreed “We need a bass player. A metal bass player.” He told me as we turn down a street “She can be metal.” I kept trying to persuade him “That’s the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard.”

“Why? Why is that the most ridiculous thing you’ve ever heard?” I asked him “Because a cello-playing girl is so non-metal that even thinking about it is evaporating my balls.” He said and I look at him confused “A lot of the time, Hunter. I don’t know what you’re talking about. Metal, not metal…Uh…Maybe I’m just not right for Skullfucker.” I said and looked at him before looking back on the road.

Then he stops the car and unbuckled his seatbelt “Okay, switch places with me.” He said and I turn to him “What?” And he looked at me “Just do it. Slide over. Open the door, but don’t get out.” He told me as I unbuckle my seatbelt and he got out of the car, and I open my door and see Hunter walking towards Skip and I start yelling at Hunter “No! No, no, no, no. No, no, no, no” but he kept walking then Hunter reaches Skip and gives him the middle finger “Suck it, cunt.” Then flips him in the chin, and runs to the car while Skip chases him “Go, go! Fuck! Go! Fuck! Fuck! Go, go, go, go, go!” so I get in the driver seat, and Hunter gets in the car and slams the door “Why? Why did you do that?” I asked him getting worried “Truth to power, bitch! Drive!” And I step on the gas “Why?” I asked myself quietly and start driving faster due to Skip driving after us “Drive. If he gets close enough, you’ve just as fucked as I am.” He told me and I duck down in the seat “You slow down, you die. That’s metal.”

“That is a dumb Keanu Reeves movie!” I yelled at him and continued driving and trying to hit any cars “Watch out. He’ll see you in the mirrors if he gets close enough.” So I adjusted the mirror “You’re an asshole” I told Hunter and he laughs “Okay. We can shake him. Turn left on Aspen” and I turn the car but we almost get hit “Don’t slow down. Keep going straight.” I feel like I’m losing my mind “To where? Where?” I yelled “There!” Hunter pointed to the narrow alleyway “I…We will not fit in there!” I continue yelling “I know this car!” Hunter yelled as we got closer to the alley and he put his hand on my knee “Fucking do it!” And I start to scream “Whoo!” “No, no, no!” I yelled and Hunter screams maniacally and we finally exit the alley and Hunter turns back to see Skip trying to go through the alleyway, but crashes into the wall.

I understand now. Metal is commitment, and speaking truth to power and sticking it to the man, and speed. “That was fucking awesome” I said to Hunter and let out a sigh. Metal is taking the wheel.

(Scene skip ⏭️)

“What’s this” I ask “Homework” he said well we all look around the room, looking at all the different posters “Black Sabbath, Iron Maiden, Judas Priest, Metallica, Anthrax, Slayer, Megadeth, Motörhead, Guns N’ Roses, Rage Against the Machine, Pantera, Emperor, Tool, Dio, Mesguggah, Opeth, Slipknot, Mastodon, Lamb of God. This is your history now. Learn it, live it, do lines of it in the bathroom” Hunter then finally hands me the sheet of music and I look at it. It’s a list of different songs by different artists. “I’ll be working on this. It’s a solo to “Machinery” it fucking shreds. I had these made up” he hand me guitar picks with the words Skullfucker on it, and I put them in my pocket and I say to Hunter “I’ll start working on this” We do the band handshake. And I walk up the stairs i hear Hunter mess up a note and yell “Cocks! Fuck me, okay.”

(Scene skip ⏭️)

I’m in the practice room and I’m writing down the same songs Hunter wrote for me and rewrote them on a separate sheet for Y/n. Once I’m done writing everything down I fold the piece of paper and start walking towards the room Y/n was in, then I look at the paper in my hand put, From: Kevin ! On it I don’t want to interrupt this time so I slide it underneath the door as soon as I slide it underneath the door I hear her stop playing the cello and I walk away.

Part 5 🥁

#jaeden martell x reader #kevin schlieb smut #kevin schlieb x reader #kevin schlieb #smut #jaeden martell #jaeden martell smut

[rebelsandtherest]

Arthur strikes me as the type of shithead who just makes shit up to mess with gullible people. Especially Alfred.

Alfred makes a joke about King Arthur and how Arthur Kirkland was named after him, and not missing a beat completely deadpan, Arthur is like

“You’ve got it the wrong way round, actually. I was always a bit bothered by that to tell you the truth. He was an ugly bugger and didn’t like me one bit.”

“What? Hold up- wait wait wait - he was real?”

“What kind of- of course he was real. I was good friends with his mum, that’s why she named him after me, but he himself was a fucking nuisance.”

“You what - wasn’t his mom supposed to be some kind of evil-“

“Oh posh, that’s what all those propagandist want you to believe. Anti-Anglo nonsense.”

“Anti…”

“I’m Anglo Saxon, lad, Pendragon was a Breton. Wanted to kill me.”

“ w h a t “

“Crooked teeth too, always whistled when he spoke. Really annoying.” Looks up, his brother has entered the room. “Rhys got the worst of it, though, he’s the one who protected the bugger for so long.”

Rhys, glances at Arthur’s deadpan expression, Alfred’s pure confusion, not missing a beat: “oh yeah for sure he was an ass.” And then mouths at Arthur (who??) (King Arthur) (ah) “he was a Breton alright, one of mine, but my god he was an annoying one when he wasn’t being all charismatic to his men. I much preferred Merlin.”

Arthur rolls his eyes where Alfred can’t see and glares at Rhys, who was, in fact, “Merlin”.

Alfred is still reeling. “Sorry, wait, the wizard was real too??? You’re making shit up now, you’re absolutely making shit up.”

“Oh no, it was all real, the stories just got most of it wrong,” Rhys assures him, “the table wasn’t round, anyway, it was an awkwardly long rectangle. Also Arthur was brunette, most people get that wrong.”

“And the magic? Wizard??? dragons???”

“Depends on who you ask,” Arthur deadpans.

Rhys winks at him. Alfred’s eyes look like they might actually leap out of his skull. After some accusations of “fucking with him”, Alfred eventually leaves the room to revisit every mythology book he’s ever read.

“You always make things sound so much more dull than they were,” Rhys complains. Arthur snorts.

“What, and tell him the truth? He wouldn’t believe me. Besides, this is much more fun. The boy doesn’t have a mind for magic, you know that.”

“Mm.”

“Whatever happened to that sword, anyway?”

“I’ve told you, I really did lose it.”

“Jesus, Rhys, only you would lose a goddamn king’s sword,”

“He wasn’t even your king, you appropriating ass—“

“I was practically his godfather.”

“You were a child!”

“God-cousin, then. At any rate, that sword was special-“

“It wasn’t, it was just a plain old hand-me-down-“

“It had perfect balance, and he promised me I could have it if he ever-“

“Oh here we go,”

“Lady of the lake — just because you got your girlfriend to cover your ass because you dropped it in a fucking Llyn—“

“It was stolen,”

“Responsible wizard, my ass—“

“The fae what did it were Saxon, you asshole,”

“I’m glad the humans always make you a decrepit old man, it suits you better.”

“I will turn you into a toad.”

“You wouldn’t dare.”

#this got away from me #this has been a shitpost #hws england #hws wales #hws america

[mr2swap]

No more parties for me

-Hey guys how about a photo for Instagram?-Chuck in my body took me from one of my fish markets and pinched one of my sensitive man boobs. He smiled at me with perfect white teeth in that killer smile that a couple of hours ago used to be mine, he forced me to pose in front of the camera, I was fucking uncomfortable and embarrassed showing my huge and grotesque belly to all my friends in the Chuck's obese, hideous body.

-What do you say "Chuck"? don't you want to remember this? - We both flexed our bodies Chuck looked so comfortable and confident parading around with his sexy biceps while I had to carry his fat ass and shit body, all I've done since I swapped bodies with Chuck is quit my fat ass on a chair and eat 1 giant bag of Cheetos and beer, the beard is so awkward and they get greasy crumbs on it but glad I have it so I can hide my fat double chin, I look like 40 without these dark glasses that cover all the wrinkles on my body, why do I look like this if I and chuck are the same age? We went to high school together and he was the fattest kid in the whole school. Is this how chuck will always feel?

Chuck has always been a pig burping and farting without holding back, why can't anyone understand that if I fart hot and smelly it's not my fault? It's the fault of the real Chuck and his shitty way of life! A loud burp came out of my mouth like a toad crunch, the taste of a pepperoni pizza with extra cheese permeating my tongue, that must have been Chuck's breakfast.

I thought everyone ends up having sex with some stranger in this party madness, but nobody wants to talk to you if in the middle of a sentence you fart or disgustingly burp right in your face, I wanted to get out of the party and go back to my apartment and lock myself up to play video games when that happened to me.

Everyone here has their bodies swapped but I was the only one who was alone, Maybe that's how it must feel to be a loser, I had planned to take some girl to fuck in my apartment but we won't swap again until the party is over, and it seemed that The party would last for many more hours.

My stomach reacted to the number of fries I had just eaten, and my belly moved a bit as I desperately walked to the bathroom to avoid shitting my pants, the music was loud and everyone except me was having fun, I can't wait for it ends the party and returns to my real body, I will never come to one of these fucking parties again.

esp: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1Ph06VKRXFuuVnN4V2J2rV

Sup bros! I published this story 2 months ago on my patreon, if you want to read all my stories take a look at my page I have more than 150 stories including the ones on my discord server!

#bodyswap #body swap #male body swap #body switch

[toastess-with-the-mostess]

Let's Rewind! Toast watches Voltron: Defender of The Universe (1984)

Season 1, Episode 19: The Buried Castle Season 2: Episode 20: Pidge's Home Planet

Episode 19: The Buried Castle iirc this is the one where Pidge acts like a big brother to a group of kids, very cute episode

3 little kids are walking through the woods and find an abandoned castle after feeling a quake, obvs they must explore it because they're explorers, so they run for it already I'm questioning why they're even in the forest in the first place, have your parents taught you rugrats NOTHING?

The team saw it too through castle monitors, apparently it just came out of nowhere which is never a good sign There's a legend attached to it though, about a war long ago where people fought over its abandoned treasure but ended up destroying so much shit that the kings of the nearby kingdoms buried it because they couldn't destroy it Weird castle, no wonder people acted stupid for it

Pidge and Lance banter over whether going there is a good idea, your honor they're so sibling coded I love them and their dynamic so much

Pidge is allowed to go explore for treasure lol except Allura tells him to bring a mouse in case of trouble this is what we call foreshadowing people doivsdv

He ends up meeting the kids who are thoroughly freaked out in the forest and mistake him for a monster before he recruits them to help find the treasure Pidge ily but that is so dangerous for little kids, these guys are younger than you, and you're like 12 tops

Haggar and her cat appear, as per usual, and she messes with the little girl, Morgan, by casting a spell to have a hand grab at her from underground only for it to be a stick when Pidge gets it off her As expected, twas a trap, but also Pidge don't be so rude to the girl, she's scared out of her mind already

They get in and find a room with a treasure chest and stuff their pockets full of gems or whatever else was in it my first thought was that it was going to be a mimic, but no just shiny gems lol

Plot twist, not gems, they're actually snakes and toads, and the group only finds out after Pidge sees the cat and tries to lead the kids to the exit only to get locked in oh, also the room is spinning, and more hands lock the kids in place until they're trapped inside a huge bell still upside down The mouse comes in handy, and he's off to get some help

After Allura tells the team Pidge is trapped with some kids Keith is going worried mother hen on him and tries to radio in, to no avail how cute, I'm glad we get some found family moments

Oops, Haggar knew they were coming and as they approached the door she threw a skeleton army at them that apparently can rebuild themselves is that an ancient greek myth reference?

Keith lets the other three run inside while he shoots at the skeletons but they get trapped in the same bell anyway, then Haggar calls a robeast to LIFT THE CASTLE OUT OF THE GROUND AND TAKE IT TO DOOM this episode is so wild oh my god, also there was an animation error with Hunks sleeves in the bell, they were cut short!

Keith was on the castle when it got pulled out and decides to climb the tethers to stop the robeast himself Dude,, thats so dumb what the fuck

Some drule fighters get sent out and start shooting at him which makes him fall but obvs he's got mc protection so he lands on one of the fighters AND BREAKS IN TO CRASH LAND IT TO BLACK Keith what the actual fuck, task failed successfully

The castle is cut loose AND CRASHES ONTO ARUS SOMEHOW NOT KILLING EVERYONE IN THE BELL look i know this is a sci-fi show but no way is that believable in this setting either

Voltron forms up AND APPARENTLY HAS NUNCHUCKS?? HELLO?? NO WONDER NOBODY CAN DEFEAT THE GUY HE HAS AN ARMORY AT HIS DISPOSAL

After the robeast is defeated Pidge is training the kids like soldiers and Lance calls him out on there being no training for being a treasure hunter

Lance: besides there's no such thing as real treasure kid 1: that's not true we found a real treasure in Pidge! IFVNSODV THAT'S SO CUTE OMG

/episode end

Episode 20: Pidge's Home Planet Ah shit, the episode I was dreading and the reason why I hate Coran so much

Starting off with coronation talk! Allura obvs is next in line for the throne and nanny talks about the crown her father and his father before him wore at their coronation I like to think Allura isn't the only girl who gets crowned as ruling monarch but this is a big deal!

ofc there's talk of marriage before she does and Nanny refers to the boys as "things" she needs to let go, so she can settle down and be a proper princess/queen AND PROCEEDS TO BE THE MOST CLASSIST BITCH IN EXISTENCE how fucking rude, I refuse to respect this woman ever

Jfc,, Nanny says that if they don't leave after Allura gets married/Voltron isn't needed anymore then they can be her guards that do nothing but answer to her every whim, and then Coran tries to say it's not them forcing marriage on Allura it's the Arusian populations what a fucking joke, how can they treat their literal heroes like they're space bums as Hunk put it

Hell yeah, the boys stormed about because of the treatment, except they go do some scans of space and Pidge finds out his home planet, Balto, is getting hit by some pretty big missiles This kid is like 12 tops dude,, that's gotta be a tough sight

OOOH MY BLOOD IS ON FIRE, the boys are starting to rush to go give Balto some aid but apparently Allura Coran and Nanny know and decided TO BRING THE FUCKING GUARDS INTO IT AND CORAN PUTS THE TEAM ON HOUSE ARREST AFTER THEY REFUSE TO STAY ON ARUS Their reason is that they're afraid Arus will be left defenseless and normally that'd be fine EXCEPT FOR THE FACT THAT THEY'VE GONE OFF PLANET MULTIPLE TIMES BEFORE

Pidge isn't having it and starts beating up the guards, the boys follow suit before rushing to the lions, except Allura starts sobbing and begging Keith that they need to stay like it's not that I don't understand her worry because it's a fair thing to fear EXCEPT YOU'RE WILLING TO LET A PLANET BE DESTROYED? EVEN MORE SO THAT IT'S ONE OF MY PLANET'S OWN SAVIORS HOME?? FUCK COMPLETELY OFF

Coran: I can't blame them for going, let's give them a proper send off (PROCEEDS TO SHOOT ALL THE CASTLES WEAPONS AT THE LIONS TO STOP THEM FROM LEAVING ATMOSPHERE) ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME, THIS IS WHY CORAN IS ON MY HITLIST

Lance: Beneath that hard shell there beats a heart... a heart of solid granite GET HIS ASS MCCLAIN

Of course those assholes were right and Zarkon planned Balto's attack as a distraction for the team, so he can conquer Arus, Lotor gets sent to make sure the boys can't teamwork their way out of danger I want to bite into a block of wood holy shit, this episode is bringing up all the damn rage

The team gets to Balto, Keith and hunk tell pidge to steel himself which is sweet of them, and the first thing they see is decimation, Lance says that everything is wiped out but Pidge argues that they don't know that my poor boy, he shouldn't be out there, but he's part of the only team who can even do anything

Oh god, the team finds Pidge's hometown and Pidge can't even recognize it, everyone is starting to tear up now, especially Pidge who's trying to be strong as he goes down to search for anyone, to no avail Pidge says his people got off planet in time, but I refuse to believe that especially if the attacks came out of nowhere which they most likely did

Lance gets really sentimental about Pidge's culture and civilization being turned to dust in just a day before Lotor attacks and sends them to their lions He's always been my second favorite and these small pieces of dialogue are part of the reason why

Lotor sends out a robeast and starts absolutely kicking the teams' ass, apparently Keith and Allura have a telepathic link because he asks for her help because they're a team, and she finally realizes that he's right, so she rushes off to do the right thing About fucking time princess, I don't think Pidge will ever trust you again though

As she gets there the boys are still getting beat up but they're fighting hard for Balto, Lance digs his way towards a volcano and sets the bitch off to give the team time to regroup and finally see allura again to form Voltron and as always the fight is won, but not without a major loss

The team has to fly off planet asap because the fight destabilized it so much it starts to break apart My heart hurts, the entire team is sobbing, and Pidge can only whisper for his home

Lance sympathizes with him, his own home had been destroyed, even if it wasn't a planet wide destruction like Pidge's He's definitely going to look after Pidge a lot more after this, brotherhood to the max

The planet finally explodes, Pidge cries for not being able to see his house one last time, his family apparently was off world, so he doesn't even know where they are either Iirc Pidge and his twin were adopted, so I wouldn't be surprised if they were off visiting some place, and his twin is part of the vehicle force while I'll cover after dotu

Allura tells him she's going to make him an Arusian citizen in response to not having a home anymore which he accepts, and they make their way back to Arus for a banquet in honor of his new citizenship It's a sweet gesture and definitely appropriate but christ, this kid lost him home right in front of his eyes, he seems ok at the end of the episode, but nobody would be after that

/episode end

#voltron #voltron dotu #voltron defender of the universe #80s voltron #let's rewind! #toast talks #im sniffling over here man #i cant watch ep 20 without tearing up for Pidge #so little yet he fits so much angst

[grendelsmilf]

It’s funny how fans over-exaggerate how bad Sasha actually was in the show, and I think this goes hand-in-hand with people downplaying or dismissing Anne’s flaws. This only makes sense to me if fans were really attached to the Plantars by the time of Reunion, and that doesn’t seem to be the case.

I mean don’t get me wrong I love hop pop so much he is an icon and a legend and a queen but sasha doesn’t know the man she was simply going along with a plan to ensure her own survival! with the choices she had why wouldn’t she sacrifice some random guy so that she and her best friends could escape the world that held her prisoner and forced her to eat nothing but raw bugs for a month. anne would make the same choice.

obviously it’s a bad choice, and the refusal to see amphibia as a “real” world is deeply rooted in colonial bias (metatextually speaking), but looking at the situation in the most straightforward sense, sasha is basically trapped in a nightmare that is hellish in every imaginable way AND also if she dies she dies there is no waking up from it. the decisions someone makes under that kind of duress have to be approached with necessary contextual understanding, not to mention she is a CHILD.

I think what people are responding to when they deem her [more] immoral [than anne] is her mask of confidence. she always acts as if she is control, so they assume that she is. but she acts this way while in PRISON, it’s clearly her way of coping with her own victimhood, by denying any vulnerability and weakness, by refusing to show fear.

anne makes countless mistakes and is often genuinely mean, like she can be horrible and an asshole and generally just suck (I say this with so much affection), but because she wears her heart on her sleeve and openly reflects on her mistakes whenever her actions have consequences, it’s far easier to forgive her.

when anne arrives in amphibia, this new world is the first real trial she has ever experienced in her life, whereas even as a fucking baby it’s clear that sasha has already been jaded and hardened by the world (namely, her parents). of course they’re going to respond differently to their respective circumstances. not to mention that sasha’s are abjectly worse than anne’s in every possible way.

nevertheless, she pretends like she’s loving her life in the toad army when she reunites with anne, completely glossing over being imprisoned and any other situation that makes her seem vulnerable. people see her as spoiled and entitled when that couldn’t be further from the truth, but it makes sense if you consider that her MO is always to make herself seem like she’s doing better than everyone else at all times. she does not want help. she does not want to be seen as someone who is struggling in any way. she needs to be seen as in control. and this mentality almost kills her. she tries to kill herself.

beyond their respective masks (or anne’s lack of one), a point the show makes again and again is that anne and sasha are the same. despite coming from different backgrounds and ending up in different places, they have very similar personalities and interests at their core. the parallels between the two littered throughout the show are not remotely subtle. they! are! the! same!!!!!

on another note, I wonder how much of the downplaying of anne’s flaws that you noted is racial bias, or “white guilt.” anne’s flaws are what make her character so awesome, so it really bothers me that people wanna act like anne is some perfect angel who has never done anything wrong in her life. she matures a lot throughout the show, but dismissing her flaws is criminal imo. the show never shies away from just how horrible she can be, but the fandom seems determined to strip her of all personality in favor of joking about how she secretly cannot stand sasha, and also marcy is the protagonist all of a sudden. i don’t know

#frogshowposting #ask #anon #I literally cannot stop caring abt these damn frog dykes what is wrong w me #they’re literally in love. btw. if you even care

[fangirleaconmigo]

Just a thought regarding your previous ask (different person here) : At first, I was pissed at both Yennefer and Geralt for that, Yennefer in ASOI and Geralt in TLOTL but my interpretation in the end is that sex is just sex. They dont care about it, they don't see having sex with another person as cheating, Yen didn't feel guilty when she slept with Istredd and Geralt doesn't feel guilty when he sleeps with Fringilla. The special thing when they have sex with each other is how intimate it is. They are tender and they never knew what tenderness was before their first time, she reads his thoughts and he knows it and gives her beautiful images and all that. Personally, I don't think about it too much and I don't judge them by "ours" standards. They love each other and they don't want anyone else and that is obvious.

Hello! Thank you for your patience. I spend a lot of time mulling these things and rereading passages.

This ask (for those just joining us) is about Yenralt, and is in response to this post about Geralt cheating on Yen with Fringilla, which is in response to this post, about how Geralt only ever loves Yen.

So, I think yes, they do view sex as just a physical thing and not as meaningful without the context of love. Love and tenderness is something they have only ever experienced with each other.

BUT it does seem like it hurts both of them a lot when the other cheats.

I thought about it for awhile and my working theory is, while they do not begrudge the other the physical act, they have deep anxieties about what the physical act MEANS. And they have to be reassured to go on and heal from it.

This is what I mean:

Yen's greatest fear is that she is not worthy of love.

Geralt's biggest fear is that his love is not worthy.

When Geralt saves Yen with his wish in the books, she hears it and is deeply deeply moved. The first thing she says to him is that she doesn't know if she is worth all of that.

What made you do it, Geralt? Why? Why me?

and

"...you've condemned yourself. Condemned yourself to me."

The way she words that, makes her sound like a sentence. Then she just out and out says it.

"I don't know whether it was worth condemning yourself to me..."

(The Last Wish)

For all of her bluster and supposed arrogance, she is utterly shocked that he showed her kindness and that he cares about her. And she says that her life was not worth it for him.

And when she is with Istredd, that whole chapter is framed by Istredd telling Geralt that his feelings aren't real, because of his mutations. That his love isn't good enough for her because it is just a pale imitation of feelings. Here is what Istredd tells him.

"...what you feel is a projection of her emotions, the interest she shows in you...I don't say it to insult you or show you contempt. I merely state a fact. You're a mutant and one of the basic traits of your mutation is utter insensitivity to emotions. You were created like that, in order to do your job. Do you understand? You cannot feel anything. What you take for emotion is cellular, somatic memory, if you know what those words mean."

(Sword of Destiny, A Shard of Ice short story)

And it seems to me that this is what fucks Geralt up so badly. He is struggling with this.

So, for Yen, when the sharks at the Thanned ball say that she isn't good enough for Geralt,

"Are you serious, Sabrina?

Absolutely," answered Sabrina Glevissig. "you won't believe it, but it's been going on for several years. And I'm surprised he can stand that vile toad."

"Why be surprised, she's put a spell on him..."

(Time of Contempt)

that shit wounds her. When you kind of believe someone's insult yourself on some level, that is when it really hurts.

That is why, even though Yen says she isn't worried about the sex Geralt had with Triss, because it was just sex, She still dresses down Triss in front of everyone at the ball and in the last book she still has a screaming match with Triss. For eight damn books, Triss will not stop pursuing Geralt right in front of her face. It comes to a head in one of the last scenes when Triss wants to accompany her and Ciri to see Geralt. Yen finally loses her temper.

"....That's enough of this discussion!" she snapped. "A little more humility you arrogant slut! He's my man, mine and only mine! Do you understand?"

Sooooo it isn't that they don't feel jealous or angry. You can fuck Geralt or Yen and the other won't freak out. But if you won't go away and you actively try to tempt the other one away, then we have a duel (Geralt and Istredd) or a screaming match (Yen and Triss) where Yen threatens to grab Triss by the hair if she doesn't fucking stop trying to tempt Geralt away and to stop "delighting in his noble character" (lmaoooo)

And, for the record, Triss responds with---

"Just try, you bitch, and I'll scratch your eyes out."

(The Lady of the Lake)

Because at that point, Yen thinks you're saying she isn't good enough for him (and she worries that she isn't) and Geralt thinks you're saying he has nothing of worth to offer her. (because that's what Istredd is saying) (Of course with Yen she also feels the betrayal of a friend. But that is a different things.)

That is why it matters that Yen tells Geralt that his feelings are valid and that they matter.

"You aren't bereft of feelings. Now I see it. Now I know you."

(A Shard of Ice)

And that is why it means literally everything to Yen when Geralt kisses her publicly and thinks LOUDLY that he loves her and only her in front of all of the sorceresses and sorcerers.

Yes, he answered in his thoughts, you're not mistaken. There is only she, Yennefer, at my side, here and now, and only she matters. Here and now. And what she was long ago, where she was long ago, and who she was long ago doesn't have any, doesn't have the slightest importance. Now she's with me, here among you all. With me, and no one else. That's what I'm thinking about right now, thinking only about her, smelling the scent of her perfume and the warmth of her body. And you can all choke on your envy.

The enchantress squeezed his forearm firmly and moved closer to his side.

"Thank you," she murmured...

(Time of Contempt)

I absolutely fucking love that "you can all choke on your envy" line. YES Geralt fucking YES. Bring the petty, bring it.

But yeah, they both need direct validation and reassurance. After that, when they get it, they seem perfectly fine to go on.

Characters who live as long as they do may grow a bit more blase about sex than some of us mere mortals, but Geralt and Yen are still soft and mushy at heart and have deep deep issues of self worth and must be reassured every time when one of them has strayed.

#asks #the witcher #the witcher books #geralt of rivia #thinking about the witcher books yet again #yennefer of vengerberg #yenralt #yennefer x geralt #geralt x yennefer #god i love Geralt you can all choke on your envy of Rivia #he’s so dramatic #and so right