#why cant i just be like neutral

[anethum-etcetera]

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#how am i supposed to handle how i feel #what am i supposed to do #why cant i stop myself from doing things that i know are wrong. every single time. #why is it so hard to apologize #why is it so hard to feel anything #why cant i just be like neutral #i would rather be emotionless and boring and catatonic #than be fuciikg piloted by my basest fucking impulses all the goddamn time #i am sick and tired of being a piece of shit to the people i love #and i am tired of bwing treated like shit for not being able to know what is expected of mw #why do i need to be here #what fucingb good am i if 1 fucking argument makes me lose my shit irreparably #i wish i was an appliance #a machine with singular purpose #nothing to do but the one thing expected of me #then i just sit around waiting to do that one thing again #no emotions #no people #no me #i hate being me #i hate it so fucking much #i hate everything that i do #i hate every single aapect of my entire being #i dont want to be here #i want things to get easier #i want to live #i want to not keep holding eveyone back #i want to be #but i want to not be me #was i made wrong?

[dykedvonte]

It's a shame that Sergeant Bitter-Root and Manny/Boone have never met cause those conversations would be fucking rough

#like it's a sliding scale of what happened at bittersprings for all of them from like BRs violent support of it Boones immense guilt and #desire for repentence and Manny's almost neutral view on it due to not knowing like it was bad but he himself says he cant blame anyone tho #that would def change is he got put in a room with those two BR got to talking about it #like all first reconn and Manny and BR have such like interesting backgrounds that are the opposite of each other and you can see why they #think about the events and the khans the way they do while Boone is just like there as an interesting outside perspective that also has his #own personal ties to it before and after on such a deep level #i want to write my mega NCR analysis posts but at the same time i need my air of whimsy posts #fallout #fallout new vegas #craig boone #manny vargas #sergeant bitter-root

[guideaus]

i dont think the comic version's end of nimona is negative specifically because the villain she happens to attach herself to is a villain by label only. blackheart is pretty much the kindest and most noble character in the book, if she happened to associate with anyone else, she probably would have been different, her killing everyone in the beginning wasnt exactly fake and i think she couldve easily been influenced to actually be worse if it was an actual villain, lol.

but a big thing in the comic is that no matter how many times nimona is evasive, lies, threatens him, gets aggressive, whatever, blackheart still forgives her and unconditionally supports her and thats what helps her in the end. him keeping this attitude

and her being able to reflect on all his actions, even if he did end up hurting her in the end, is what helps her go on a new path thats not focused on fearing the possibility of being hurt because shes different

#personal #nimona #she retaliates HARD against any kind offer from blackheart though. even in the end #her actions of interpreting an offer of help from a kind person who hasnt harmed her so far as a threat is bad. its a fearful response #that i think she learns to work on overcoming in the end #the end is a turning point for her. in a hopeful way #the movie gives her the reason of choosing to be w him bc everyone else now hates him as well #while i guess the comic is like that too? i cant definitively say the movie was bc of society vs the comic or not #theres no way of her knowing if boldheart did just randomly decide to kill the queen lol. while in the comic hes kinda like... not winning #theres no dead monarch there until nimona kills the king. she just suddenly shows up and its anyone's guess why #and boldheart kind of has less of an excuse. the comic nimona could be conflating his actions into villainy as she speaks abt herself #so idk. if blackheart was like 'sure lets kill everybody' idk if she wouldnt be pursuaded from it. she truly doesnt want to but also could #think lol. shes very neutral imo

[pricklepines]

zosan is like . Its not real. But also it's alive and thriving ... they dislike each other and demonstrate that all of the time but also they clearly have a level of trust and respect under that . Nobody gets it right they would never fucking say that

#zosan #is schroedingers cat #pps op #i do like it but also i dont want to say that because some fans of it Are #like it more than zolu anyway #which i understand why zolu exists i can see the motives #but j just cant get behind it luffys too aro #i really dont see him being in a relationship of any kind #but i dont Hate it just not my thing #other ships like sanuso or whatever im neutral on #go ham i cant stop you

[radmista]

Sowing seeds of discontent and disharmony by hanging up on my parents birthday phone call the second my mom asked if I gained weight. Hope that sits badly on their minds while they think about how that's the first call I've engaged with them in 2 months and it was for the dogs birthday. Dad scrambling to text me for my mom that she didn't mean it. Like fuck I told her I've been having a rough month and day. She couldn't keep it to herself that badly. Fucks sake

#was already not in a great place mentally but i entertained the call and was actually feeling okay talking to them giving them an update #she just hits me with that. and I'm not normally sensitive about my weight even when my mom harped on me for gaining some a few years back #i genuinely normally don't care bc I'm happy with myself. but i know ive lost weight because I've been on icu and we don't have time to eat #im so fucking mad and im even more mad I'm crying about it #bc what the fuck #i was actually feeling like momentarily safe talking to them and being vulnerable about working on my next life stages #and she just ruined the call. i wanted to talk to my mom and dad more. i do miss talking to them about some things. #i was happy to get to see my family all together even if it was for the dogs birthday. and people were smiling and shit #and ik theyre gonna say i ruined it by being sensitive but jfc #it was literally the 2nd thing my mom said to me on the call after we sang happy birthday #why couldn't she just shut up. why couldn't she have said anything else. why did i let it bother me so much i hung up #I'm just fucking tired and sad and now feeling even lonlier than ever #i just wanted a nice moment with my family god fucking damn is that too hard to ask for #and im even more angry and sad now that i cant call them back bc my mom will get on me about smth else we were previously talking about #that phone call was supposed to be a neutral zone just for the birthday song. and i was going to ride it out but fucking hell #why didnt i just put up with it so i could have talked to my family #and no calling them back isnt an option. they haven't apologized and it would be an un neutral call #which gives them space to harass me about work and shit

[andrewknightley]

i know the gale fans that are like "i CANT NOT romance him again every game" must be joking but just in case you should check out his friendship dialogue cause it's so fucking good.

you know it would be easier for the devs to have the same dialogue and add more to it if you romance him, but i really appreciate the specific friendship dialogue!

#i also checked how this scene is if you are neutral with him. and it is sad. you cant convince him. #anyways i love how he is angry like FUCK YOU WHY DID YOU GIVE ME FRIENDSHIP AND THINGS TO CARE ABOUT #i did watched some vids of full gale romance and maybe is the lesbian in me but bestie gale is just soooooo good cant be beaten #bg3 #bg3 spoilers #gale of waterdeep #did u guys know i love friendship #and when in stories they dont have friendship as lesser form of romance but they give it different high quality stuff

[frozenhi-chews]

Remembering the time I tried to look for male covers for my self ships, but couldn't find ones that fit cuz none of them changed the pronouns and all of them came out gay. Like that's not a bad thing, but GOSH I was struggling

I found one for "You Belong With Me," thankfully, but I wanted to find one with "I Won't Say I'm in Love" but all of them just didn't work.

I'm a stickler when it comes to covers, you have to be just as, if not better, than the original singers themselves, and sometimes even using the correct pronouns. (The wrong ones broke my immersion a LOT. It was sad).

Y'all can we start using gender neutral pronouns for covers please? I wanna hear a male "I Won't Say I'm in Love" cover with the same passive aggressiveness as Kaden Mackay's "Your Stupid Face" please

Like I KNOW I can still imagine self ships regardless of singer and such, but sometimes the immersion just doesn't happen and it SUCKS

#also y'all we already have enough gay “i won't say im in love” covers can we PLEASE have skme gender neutral ones? #or just. gender neutral covers in general? #makes it easier for everyone #i was LUCKY to find that one cover #and i did find a IWSIIL cover that used she/her pronouns but it just didnt click for me. and that SUCKED as well #which is why i also need the singing to be GOOD #im a choir kid i cant help it #the cake doth speak #im not saying the gay covers are bad im just saying theres a LOT and im suffering over here with broken immersion #like honey i WANTED to look over those aspects but i just COULDNT

[roachemoji]

.

#bo posting #vent #why is the automatic response to feeling lonely #getting upset that everyone around me cant magically insinuate i feel this way #and then self isolate #why is it hard NOT to do that #like i know its not helping but the thought if reaching out then becomes this whole thing of like #if you tell someone youre lonely youre either overreacting or manipulating them #and theyll know and theyll be upset #its hard to push myself to seek validation or reassurance #or to give myself that #like it feels??? pathetic ig???? #to both feel this and to ask for help??? and idky #neutral ass tone for all of this like #im not spiraling but u gotta get my thoughts out #just. confused by my own behaviour #maybe i am upset i dont really know

[youjustfeelthemforever]

I am eepy and would like to go to bed early. But! I don't want to

#why are “like to” and “want to” two different things to my brain #THEY MEAN THE SAME THING JUST PICK ONE #there's not even anything to stay awake for most of the chrumblr rp'ers are out (doing stuff) or out (like a light - sleeping) #i want to eat but i don't know if my currently finicky stomach would allow it #probably best not to risk it #or have something small instead of the hot dog i want #agh #it's fine i just feel weird. not necessarily in a bad way but neutral weird #ahhhhhhh unrelated but i cant wait for the west side story cast list to come out on friday #je suis tres excite #everyone stop whatever you're doing and only pay attention to me

[reckless-rider]

WHO TF LEFT THEIR SINK/SHOWER COMBO IN MY FUCKING YARD???????

#girl (gender neutral) what??? #why is it here?? #like i cant even move it hello???? #house flipper #it just spawned there idk why its here

[nightfallsystem]

DESTIGMATIZE SELF HARM SCARS OR IM JUST KILLING YOU

#again im not talking unhealed im talking healed #ITS JUST SOMEONES BODY ITS JUST HOW SOME PEOPLE LOOK #we cant fucking get rid of these outside of pricy surgeries #EVERYONE struggles mentally sometimes #why should we have to TW our bodies for the rest of time just because we fucking struggled #im never trigger warning my fucking body #its my body its just how i look #FUCK YOU IF YOU TAG PPLS PHOTOS WITH HEALED S/H SCARS AS TW SELF HARM #WE JUST LOOK LIEK THAT??? IS THAT SO WRONG #its a you problem if youre upset at fucking skin #its a healed wound. #you cant actually expect someone to tw how they fucking look #its how we will look for the rest of time we cant tw this cuz we fuckign look like that #infact for some people theyre proud of it as its a sign that they survived what was going on #that they survived self harm #self harm scars are just your body healing. i dont need a tw for a fucking human body. #YOU CANNOT EXPECT SOMEONE TO TRIGGER WARNING HOW THEY FUCKING LOOK AND HOW THEIR BODY IS . #rant #body neutrality #body positivity #body positive #body acceptance #im very mad sorry

[im-a-freaking-joy]

Okay so. I'm doing some reading on the 2024 presidential candidates because this is the first year that I'm able to vote and I want to know as much as possible. So im on this website, ballotpedia, and tell me why LITERALLY ALL OF THE CANDIDATES SUPPORT ISRAEL?? literally all of them are like "well israel is all good and dandy and has the right to protect thenselves (:" and like??? HELLO?? THEYRE COMITTING GENOCIDE??! I'm so tired of this fucking country good god, we cant even get one cadidate that opposes genocide and war crimes?? What the fuck.

#politics #cw politics #u.s. politics #2024 elections #im so fucking tired #why #like Marianna Wilsonn seems good #but she is. not opposed to israel's genocide #and even then if she was #me voting for her probably wouldnt do shit because in america's system it seems like only one of the two main guys csn win #those guys being biden and trump #and I dont want either. i want marrianne. #at least more than I want either of those two #and Im honestly so clueless on what the best and most effective way to use my vote is #because my dad is super republican and so I didnt. ever learn anything useful? #like i think out of all the running candidates its wilsonn #but even then like. i dont want her either?? #but id much fucking rather have a democrat in office than a republican #because all the republican candidates are very anti trans #and as a trans- no thank you #anyway Im tired #and i wish i couldnt care about all of this but I have to care #because if I dont care then I run the risk of my rights and life as a free and happy trans guy being questioned #not to mention im also disabled too so thats another layer onto it #it just infuriates me when people are neutral about politics because I. Cant be. whoever gets elected fucking MATTERS #because i cant ignore whatever changes they make like some people can #my rights are in jeopardy if the wrong person wins. #which is a dystopian as fuck sentence #that your rights are in danger if someone bad wins? #but thats the reality of us politics

[nintendont2502]

like im not a man but im not a woman either. not even a secret third thing. im just. dude i guess?

#like #hm #idk #its weird right #some part of me will always be partially feminine (not a woman. not a girl) #because like #ive spent 18 years as that #im still partially presenting that way at work/around family right #its an intrinsic part of me #and not to say this is the case for other trans people because its absolutely not #but idk #im not just gonna throw out that little girl from all those years ago yk #shes still an important part of me #but that doesnt make me less of #see 'man' feels weird #im just. masculine. dude. guy. bro. #on the boundary but leaning more masculine but still inherently neutral and still with pieces of my feminine self ? #god idk sounds fucking stupid when i say it like that #and thsts not even touching my sexuality #this is why i just stick with agender/romantic/sexual #because explaining all. this. #especially when i cant fully explain it to myself #is a lot #but idk im thinking about it a lot lately #partially because of tlt which is deeply interesting to me idk what domino chain bullshit that set off but here we are #me.txt

[merrysithmas]

hearing merrin + cal (spoilers) got together makes me 3000% less excited about jedi survivor ngl

#i feel benignly neutral towards them but i definitely didnt need that to exist #like literally why cant a chick be on a team without being w a dude on the team #the Black Widow Syndrome #the AOS Trek Syndrome #Rebels Hera Syndrome #only Ahsoka escaped this queen ilu #the Padme Syndrome #the Smurfette Syndrome #Leia Syndrome #that chick from the transphobe wizard movie #omg so many examples of this like honestly its very boring #in legit every media #i wouldve MUCH preferred just a cool pansexual witch there to help her stupid friend navigate his dumb life #or better yet a lesbian (i say this as a pansexual) #bc theres never lesbian rep anywhere and it angers me a Lot #anyway #nightsister merrin #also dont @ me if you dont agree i dont care #im sharing MY opinion for others who agree #like it just didnt need to be done and i stand by that #frankly idc if Women Can Be Badass AND be in relationships id rather see women doing anything else literally #no one is like hmmmmm gee i wonder if palpatine was ever in LOVE??? #i guarantee if palpatine was a woman hed be married to general Tarkin

[acetechne]

gearing up to start drawing again and i’ve been reflecting on why i draw and why it frustrates me when people say they cant draw or could never draw or whatever and, okay, yes i have spent years doing this for reasons which would involve a whole nother post than what i’m actually thinking about at the moment but i digress

i think people get self conscious of their art because they think if they don’t want to put the time in or get to a certain level that art isn’t worth pursuing at all and today i am breaking down your door and i am sitting down on the floor with you and i am telling you listen: the reason to do art is not to post it and it isn’t to be good at it and it isn’t to draw every leaf on every tree. the reason to do art is because you are a magician and you are putting a little guy there that wasn’t there before. and then later you can open your book of little guys and be like :)

“oh but I couldn’t” shh! SHUT! i am TELLING you RIGHT NOW that if you draw the worst little guy possible and you look at that little guy and you laugh and smile, then that literal 60 seconds it took you to draw that is more worth all of the years that i spent learning to draw because i desperately wanted people to notice and appreciate and be friends with me in school (and yes, occasionally it does happen but mostly in my experience that motivation backfires because half the people just want shit for free but wouldn’t give you the time of day and half the people are too intimidated to even talk to you). maybe it’s because i’m old now but who cares about that shit, you draw because it’s good to create something and look at it and smile because it’s yours and it belongs to you and you did that.

#if you go draw a little guy right now i will put a gold star on your forehead #i dont even need to see it #do you like sparkle? draw sparkle. #thinking about this because out of all the art i do on a daily basis that one of my most beloved drawings is literally like #a pierogi with dot eyes and stick legs that i drew in 30 seconds #people want that guy everywhere and when they see it they think it's so charming #and i used to be like why does no one look at the pieces i spend 4 hours on #and now i think of it as like wait a second i have an amazing superpower to draw really fast and make people smile lots #it took a long time to see past my own insecurities but man #i am telling you it doesn't start for you until you just content yourself with the fact that you like to draw your little guy #and im using guy in the most gender neutral possible way #that can be your blorbo that can be your pet that can be your creepy lamb with hands like my sister drew once #anyway i'm done im gonna go draw those little guys you sent me now #hapo text #sorry i cant draw i just realized i didnt actually eat today brb

[aria0fgold]

I've been searching up a lot about caramel and honestly, my search history is giving "fan of caramel" but no, I just wanna figure something out about isat.

#aria rants #im neutral to caramel rlly. i like it in small amounts cuz its too sweet for my throat for me to like more #anyway yea this has smth to do with the scent and just the overall decision of why ''burnt sugar'' specifically? #its been eating at my brain ever since it was brought up in isat. i feel like i got a theory brewing but i cant form the thoughts yet