#i would rather be emotionless and boring and catatonic

[anethum-etcetera]

.

#how am i supposed to handle how i feel #what am i supposed to do #why cant i stop myself from doing things that i know are wrong. every single time. #why is it so hard to apologize #why is it so hard to feel anything #why cant i just be like neutral #i would rather be emotionless and boring and catatonic #than be fuciikg piloted by my basest fucking impulses all the goddamn time #i am sick and tired of being a piece of shit to the people i love #and i am tired of bwing treated like shit for not being able to know what is expected of mw #why do i need to be here #what fucingb good am i if 1 fucking argument makes me lose my shit irreparably #i wish i was an appliance #a machine with singular purpose #nothing to do but the one thing expected of me #then i just sit around waiting to do that one thing again #no emotions #no people #no me #i hate being me #i hate it so fucking much #i hate everything that i do #i hate every single aapect of my entire being #i dont want to be here #i want things to get easier #i want to live #i want to not keep holding eveyone back #i want to be #but i want to not be me #was i made wrong?