#which is a big deal for me bc of my social anxiety

[fastorslow]

#went on a solo adventure yesterday 🥹 #which is a big deal for me bc of my social anxiety #I went on a boat #saw my fav band The Ark rehearsing for a tv show #it’s the first time I see them since 2011 bc they split up #bonded with strangers #went on a 2 hour walk home through Stockholm #was reminded of how beautiful it is and I should appreciate it more #on my way home I ran into Benson Boone who had also rehearsed earlier #told him he was great and he said thank you #in shock I dared to do that #big day for me! #mine

[paradoxicalrising]

Astro Observations Pt. 2 !

**again just prefacing: im not a professional, these are my personal opinions based off my experience with these placements :) enjoy

Virgo Mercury @ 24 degrees: these people are the best at making passive aggressive comments. depending on the mars sign and where it’s placed they may come off as rude/ bitchy. such great liars. they will lie with a straight face about something stupid and right after break the facade and tell you they were lying. it’s so easy to believe them. deadpan, dry humor. i’ve seen that they laugh at intelligent, witty comments. i’ve also seen them be more interested in psychology, reading body language, and asking personal questions to strangers.

mercury square pluto, mercury rx, debilitated mercury: struggle with social anxiety and public speaking. the anxiety is very high when it comes to talking in front of an audience or even an authority figure. may physically shake while presenting, wavering voice, and losing breath bc they’re talking so fast.

moon square mars in men: tumultuous relationship with the mother. may cause problems in relationships with women, taking anger towards the mother out on the girlfriend/ wife. this placement has been seen in domestic violence situations. may actually be attracted to someone who acts and looks like their mother.

mars conjunct uranus: unpredictable, wild card. when really angry, they may explode. energy levels are rarely stable, they tend to fluctuate often. prone to cut people off out of nowhere once they’ve dealt with enough. may act/ speak before they think when they’re angry.

sun conjunct venus: it’s so hard not to like these people. they are full of charisma, and tend to be attractive. may be arrogant at times, and think they’re better than others physically. they’re easy to get along with but their niceness may be seen as fake/ superficial.

MC in scorpio: sexualized by the public. everyone has a crush on them but no one is brave enough to tell them. intimidating aura. this placement tends to dominate the public image. a lot of people are scared of them bc of their intelligence and beauty. powerhouse of a person when it comes to success. nothing will get in their way, resilience runs in their blood. hold a natural power and immediately demands respect with their tone of voice and body language. even if they’re insecure or in pain, they never show that to the public. gain a lot of unwanted attention. also seem to succeed at a low key rate until later in life when they finally get recognition.

4th house: truly the house of the darkest parts of yourself. if you wanna look for childhood trauma, look to the 4th house and any aspects made to other planets or houses in the chart. this is who we are when we’re alone. this is the house of our instincts, generational trauma on the mothers side or the more feminine parent, fears. it’s ruled by cancer which is ruled by the moon so it naturally has a light and dark side like every sign and planet. this is the house of where you feel you’re at home and depending on what you grew up with, one person could be happy with attention, stability, and honesty but another person could seek out unavailable people, they might self sabotage just to feel like they’re at home. the sense of home changes over time and it is capable of changing for the better but this is where i’d recommend you start with shadow work find the sign, house, aspects, and degree for more insight.

empty houses: i’ve noticed that with my empty houses, it’s almost like i just don’t think about those things, they don’t concern me compared to houses with stelliums or major planets. it’s not that i’ve mastered them or anything, they’re just not a big deal in my life. of course problems and success still arise in the areas of these houses but it’s not as heavy compared to house with planets in them. with empty houses, pay attention to transits that make aspects to your natal house sign but other than that these houses usually don’t create major problems in one’s life.

#virgo mercury #astro notes #empty house #mercury square pluto #sun conjunct venus #sun sq #4th house #scorpio mc

[sihtricfedaraaahvicius]

I have been thinking of ways to make it a fun read for those who want to know about my comic con trip. This is the best I could do.

it was my first time going to a con alone, I have massive social anxiety and am still trying to learn how to live with adhd/sensory overload issues

this was a really, really big deal as I have never done this for any other series/group of actors

At 10AM their Q&A panel started

I was in disbelief seeing Alex, Arnas, Mark and Timothy 

In real life?????? WHAT?????

They are ALL beautiful!!!!!!!!!!!

No, really, so beautiful?? And for what???

also funny as hell

It eased me knowing how good their energy was

After the panel Arnas walked past me

He didn't look at me tho (well my back was turned to him at first)

but I did fuck up the text message I was writing when I saw him so close once I looked up

My first photo op was with Arnas an hour later

Boy I was nervous

Legit thought I would pass out seconds before

He said HELLO

And suddenly I was looking into his eyes

HIS!!!! EYES!!!!!!

I was so flustered because wow????? 

WOW!!

also he looks taller on tv???

But JUST AS BEAUTIFUL IRL

"Do you want to pick me up?" I blurted out

"I? you? SURE!" he stammered

Mans really went for it and picked me up

I thought we were posing already

But lil dude leaned in closer to me

Supported me with his thigh too???

Oh man those thighs….

Whewhhh

Also after the pic I saw my leg had rested onto his leg too???

But yeah so basically he had me in his arms AND in his lap??

He felt so warm

And soft

So comfortable… 

what was I saying

OH, right, the picture so yes

After he put me back on my feet we both looked a lil??? Lost???

And I asked for a quick hug which he gave and HHHHH

I thought I looked really silly in my pic but when I saw it I nearly screamed

I love it

Okay then my picture with Mark and Arnas

I was still nervous but also hyper as fuck at that point (bc my meds kicked in)

You had to wait around a lil corner before your pic got taken

The group pics were taken all together, so Alexander was there and I think Timothy too but honestly I didn't see him because well:

I walked in the booth and did my regular HELLO *jazz hands/deer in headlights*

What was I thinking???? Lmao

And I locked eyes with Alexander and WOW

Beautiful man

But he got shoved away by the staff because I only had a photo with Mark & Arnas

sorry

Mark: wow that was high energy (he chuckled aaaaahhh)

"YOU!!!!" Arnas yelled with big eyes

Mark: do you have a pose in mind?

Me: no, I'm just?????

Mark: okay we'll-

Arnas blurted out(and I type in caps so you understand how hyper he was and how FAST he rambled): I HAVE AN IDEA!!! YOU COME STAND HERE *he pointed next to him* AND WE LIFT YOU UP BY YOUR HANDS LIKE THIS *he grabbed my hand!!!!* IS THAT OKAY? *looking into my eyes* ARE YOU- ARE YOU SAFE????? *he nodded with a lowkey concerned look*

Mans was really double checking if I was comfortable with his idea

Arnas really wanted to lift me up again huh????

They took my hands

Mark placed his hand on my upper arm

Arnas wrapped his hand around my elbow

luckily everything went so fast I could not think about that one fic request in my messages which I almost finished about a threesome with Sihtric and Finan

ANYWAY

I looked at Mark

Who gave me a mild concerned smile????? dude????

"Just don't drop me" I whispered under my breath

And they lifted me up and for some reason everyone in the room went like "ooohhh" admiringly

???? idk why

Probably because they lifted me very graceful and smoothly

Once I was back on my feet again I thanked Mark as Arnas ran to the photographer

Arnas: wait, I think I looked down when you took the photo, let me see??

I froze midway, looking at Arnas, and I shrugged like??? Is the pic good???

Everything seemed fine and I thanked them again and walked off

I like to believe Arnas just wanted to take the pic again so he could lift me up once more HAHA

Just kidding

I didn't noticed during the pic itself but Arnas stood adorably close to me while Mark was more casual 

and MARK'S FACE LMAOOOOOO

I just crack up every time I see the pic

Mark really squished my arm tho

Also why does Arnas look so good?? 

I don't even know what his expression is but yes please

Also, Arnas, clean your sneakers baby boy

AUTOGRAPH TIME (only Arnas tho, I'm a broke girl)

I brought the Lords of the North book for him to sign (first book Sihtric appears in)

Arnas: wauw!!! Lords of the North!! Can I- is that inside?

Me: ehhh I would prefer it if you uhh like on the cover…

(I misunderstood him, I only noticed when I heard our conversation back, he meant if it was really the book inside the loose cover, but I thought he wanted to sign inside the book)

Arnas: just an autograph? or???

Me, feeling confident: you can write an entire poem if you want

Arnas: I can write a poem?

Me: go nuts…

Arnas: Sanne, Sanne… in the sky…. Sanne, Sanne…. Sanne, Sanne, like the sun… this is gonna be weird. Sanne, Sanne, like the sun… shine upon us, will you hon?

hon????????????????

Yeah I died

I watched him write and noticed how he writes like me

Me: I love how he just gradually gets larger handwriting

Arnas: that's my like-

Me: NO BUT SAME (I feared I offended him, I speak without thinking sometimes)

Arnas: No, no, but the people are- they say you have mental issues if you like- if your writing goes like this

Me: no! But it's, yes! But I think it's an ADHD thing, which is what I have

Arnas: you like… like… yeah

Me: And since my childhood they were like "your handwriting is…it's really bad"

Arnas: Yeah! Yeah, I've been, always been told that.

Me: and I can't write like this… I always write every letter together

Arnas: I know! I've someth- when I, if I j-journal I usually do that, but I'm, I'm trying to copy my dad because his handwriting is… *gets distracted by his poem* shine upon us…

Arnas: taking a lot of space. I did write a poem! I don't know, you told me to. I hope I didn't mess it up.

(I reassured him he didn't)

I asked if he wanted to take the selfie after that

Arnas: absolutely! SANNEEEEEEEE!!!! 

Here we just both had the zoomies 

He fumbled with the popsocket on my phone and I lowkey gestured apologising?????

Arnas: I love these. *wrapped his arm around me*. No, no, I just wanna put my finger in this(the popsocket!!). Cause I always, I always rip them off

Me: oh don't do that

Arnas: well, cause, OH

He accidentally took the photo already as he was rambling

He took a few pics

Arnas: give us a hug *he leaned in*

Me: distracted as he had just handed my phone

Arnas: GIVE US A HUG

Me: wAIT of course

*he pulled me in*

Oh my god?????

Me, after hug: I also wanted to tell you that-

Arnas: you smell nice!

?????????????????????

Me: oh thank you! But I wanted to tell you that I recently saw Deadly Code, because my boyfriend is from Lithuania too so-

Arnas: OOOOH I saw you!! You lived there, right????

Me: wait, no, what???

Arnas: because I saw the pictures on instagram! I mean you tagged me and you had pictures of Lithuania, right?

Me, somehow very boldly: were you stalking my page? (jokingly)

Arnas: WELL… you tagged me in something and I was like "who is this girl?" and then I went to your page and I saw the pictures

Please know that I only tagged him in a few of my insta stories about TLK, and I know he only saw the first one I tagged him in, which is nearly two months ago now????? So it had to be that time he went to my page and why tf did he remember

I'm crying

Asdhbfjkhk

He then asked my boyfriend's name and told me to greet my bf in Lithuanian

I thanked him in Lithuanian and he said it back to me, and said something like he'll see me next time again (guess I kinda have to meet him again now huh)

After that I went to Alexander his line, next to Arnas, for a selfie

Arnas looked at me several times again as I was waiting there

It made me nervous so I tried to avoid his eyes LMAO

ALEXANDER

Oh my, so sweet, so calm!!!!

Complete opposite of Arnas his chaotic energy

Such an angel

All of them are angels btw

And then I went home bc tired

Later that night I made a lil insta post about the day and explained to my followers how it went and how I handled it, as they know what big of a deal it was for me to do all this on my own

Then Arnas liked my post the next morning

And he fucking commented: WELL DONE

And now I'm here….

Still smiling like an idiot

Also my bf was legit a bit bitter about Arnas his behaviour and his words to me

oopsie

Anyway

yeah that was it... this post is way too long. I don't have the digital pics yet so yeah this is it

#the last kingdom #arnas fedaravicius #alexander dreymon #mark rowley #finan #sihtric #uhtred

[anemoflower]

Meet me in the comic store

Ship: Sophie x Elias Word Count: ~ 1.5k Warnings: lots of nerdy references. Description of social anxiety (is that a warning? idk) Not fully proofread bc this has been in my drafts for days and I want it done ;w; A/N: Okay so, I was thinking about their first meeting (I like to write these kind of stuff) and I think it turned quite cute? Anyways, here we goo... Divider by @/cafekitsune

A sudden wave of shivers went through her body, although she wasn’t sure if it was because of the chilly autumn breeze or because of her anxiety to go into a shop all on her own.

Normally she would have visited the comic book store with her best friends but due to they were busy today, Sophie had decided to be brave and go alone. Now she looked up to the sign over the entrance door, doubts climbing up her spine. On her own.

Her heart was beating fast. It shouldn't be a big deal. Just go inside, buy that one new comic and leave again. No one will look at you, no one will judge you.

Before she could proceed thinking about it, the door to the store opened and two boys ran outside. One of them was holding the newest Spider-Man issue and excitedly told his friend how he looked forward to reading it.

Sophie squeezed past them and into the realm of nerd merchandise, Mangas and Comics. Hundreds of books in the shelves, buttons and pins presented next to the checkout, Statues of popular anime characters were secured behind glass in a cabinet. Figures of characters from One Piece, Jujutsu Kaisen and Spy x Family looked down on her, trying to charm her into buying them. But Sophie went straight up the stairs to the comic and graphic novel section.

She liked this way more, it wasn't so loud and crowded like the main floor and she found more joy in superhero comics than manga recently anyways.

Slowly she strolled past the shelves with the letter “E”, looking for the new published comic book she was looking for. It was the first issue of a new series from an author she admired. One of her books impressed her so much she eagerly waited for the release of this graphic novel, as soon as she heard of it. But it wasn't here. Did she miss the release date?

“Do you need any help?” a tall young man asked her and Sophie froze in her movement because she didn’t notice him before. He smiled at her and tilted his head. Dark brown hair, blue eyes like the sky, a few freckles on his cheeks, which reminded her of star constellations. Silver piercings beneath his bottom lip flared up in the light - Sophie remembered them as snake bites?

On the badge clipped to his gray shirt was his name written “E. Lindner / salesman”

She almost wanted to use the phrase she knew by heart: “No thanks. I'm just looking around.” but something stopped her. His presence calmed her fast beating heart.

“I uhm- I was looking for-” she nervously stepped to the side as soon as she noticed the shrink foiled adult comic books in front of her. “N-not for that! The- the comic book ‘Extraordinary’ by V. E. Schwab?”

“Ah, that's quite new, we didn't get to fill them in the shelves yet. Wait a sec.” As he turned around she got a glance at the tattoo on his left arm. A dragon made of black ink coiled around it.

He disappeared behind a brown door with a “staff only” sign. Sophie meanwhile peeked around the corner of Marvel comics until he came back.

“You're lucky, I saved that one from getting buried beneath tons of newly arrived One Piece Mangas.”

Sophie let out a polite quiet chuckle and thanked him for the book.

“Oh and if you're into that kind of superpower stories, I have plenty to recommend to you.” 

He pulled some books out of the Marvel shelves and showed her each cover - Moon Knight, Silk, Fantastic Four.

“Do you have other favorites?” He asked. Suddenly Sophie forgot about every comic book she had read before. She frantically walked past the bookshelf in her mind until she found the right series.

“I- I love the Ms. Marvel comics” Sophie tipped on the colorful cover of Ms. Marvel Volume 1 - No Normal in the shelf next to her. “I have almost all of the stories at home!”

“Cool, I think I know her-” he tipped on the comic next to that. He was suddenly so close to her, Sophie held her breath, “I read that one. It's a team-up between her and Spider-Man.”

They kept talking about various comics and stories and Sophie felt much calmer every second she shared an interest with him. That tingling spark of excitement grew bigger and bigger in her chest.

And as soon as he smiled, she felt as if her feet wouldn't touch the floor anymore. He was so friendly. Of course he's friendly to her. It's his job to be friendly.

Then it dawned on her and she fell hard to the ground. It's his job. He just talked to her so she would buy more from him. A strategy to gain a customer's trust.

Sophie raised the “Extraordinary” book he had just given to her. “Uhm- thanks for your recommendations but I think I only want to buy this one.”

He seemed to be surprised about her sudden change of mood, but nodded in an understanding way. “Alright, then let's head over to checkout? Or do you still want to look around?”

“I... still want to look around some more”, she lied. Then walked down the aisle, further away from him and almost tripped over a box with very old DC comics. A few more minutes she acted like she would be interested in the Batman & Robin collection, embarrassed by the thought he might be interested in her as a person. Idiot. Why should someone like him ever be interested in you?

Then she went to the checkout, where he was already waiting for her with his usual smile. There were those shivers in her bones again.

She paid for the comic and put it into her backpack, the receipt disappeared into the pocket of her jacket.

“Oh and don't forget to keep a close eye on the receipt?” He said. “Sometimes the computer writes down strange stuff on it. Really weird.”

She haven't really listened to him, only nodded, wished him a nice day and walked down the stairs to the main floor. Out of here. Just out of here. As soon as she left the store, she could get some air in her lungs again and shook off the anxiety which crawled over her shoulders.

She only remembered his last sentence he told her after she arrived at home.

On the receipt which she took out the pocket of her jacket was a small handwritten message on it. “Keep that glow in your eyes, it suits you :)”

That note warmed her heart everytime it crossed her mind. Sophie wanted to wait a few days before she went back to the store. On a friday afternoon - after she left her workplace - she gathered enough courage to visit the comic book store again. But when she waited at the checkout with a new Manga and some Pokémon merchandise she lost heart again.

The young woman before her bought a sci fi comic, which Sophie didn't know. She had raven black hair, a septum piercing and a crow tattoo on her wrist. She's much more his type, she definitely will get a note on her receipt from him, Sophie thought. But when the woman left and took the receipt with her, there was nothing. No handwritten message on it.

“Hi, found something new?” The young man with stars beneath his eyes asked. Dimples formed on his face when he smiled.

Sophie squeaked out a husky “yes” and gave him the Manga and a small box with “mysterious Pokémon figure” inside.

“Oh these are nice,” he said, tapping on the illustrations on the small box. “The Flygon and Charizard ones are really cool.”

“I- I would love to get the Jirachi figure. It's pretty.” There it was again. This feeling that she could tell him everything and he wouldn’t judge her for it. No doubts. No embarrassment.

Sophie gave him the money and as their fingers touched lightly, a small spark flew over her skin.

“Then good luck.” He handed her the receipt and she already noticed the fine black pen lines on it. A scribbled phone number, again with a message: “Text me if you want. I'd love to know which Pokémon you ‘chose’ - Elias”

She looked up at him again and he grinned.

“What's your name? Now that you know mine?” Elias rubbed his neck.

“Sophie.”

“I hope to see you again, Sophie.” It sounded sincere, like he would really look forward to seeing her again. “And I mean this in a not just-as-a-customer-way, you can always come to the store of course, it's more like…” he scratched the back of his head, thinking about the right words  “as a person? Like someone, I'd like to get to know better. I uh- I have noticed you here a few times already- god that sounds weird. I swear I don't mean it in a creepy way-”

Sophie slowly blinked at him in surprise. He wants to get to know me? Like a friend? She couldn't help but smile brightly at him.

“Me too," she interuppted his nervous stuttering, but tried to contain her excitement again. She coughed slightly and said with a shy smile: "I would also like to get to know you."

- -

Taglist:

@jils-things @soveriegns @huggsbury @satosara @lovinglin

#oc f/o #selfship community #selfship #oc x self insert #;my writing #;oc: elias #;s/i: sophie #;sophelias #fun fact: I struggled most to decide for a surname for him on the badge #So I chose the first that I liked #I'm bad at this xD

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for sharing a locker ?

So i'm in a new class since early September and i don't know anyone in it. I didn't take part in most of the class-bonding activities (like parties) bc of social anxiety + other personnal stuff, but i try to be nice to everyone and fit in when we do stuff together.

We always stay in the same classroom and we have lockers in it to put our stuff. However, there are only 10 and we're a class of 12 students. Some of the lockers are still being used by the older students so we actually have 6 or 7 lockers for all of us. The lockers are also pretty big so all the students who claimed one decided to share it with someone else.

I once stayed late at school bc i had the keys to the classroom and i had to wait until everyone left to close it, so i was alone. I had a lot of stuff i didn't want to bring home but all the lockers were claimed or full. However there was one that was claimed by only one person instead of 2, so i put my stuff there (making sure it didn't touch the other student's stuff) and added a temporary label in case i needed to move. (Note : despite the name, the lockers dont and can't have a lock on them. We're supposed to only put non-valuable stuff in it).

The next day, the girl comes up to me and tell me she noticed i put my stuff in her locker. I tell her that it was the only one available, and other students tell her they also had to share. I tell her i can move my stuff if she wants but she tells me no.

Later in the day, she comes up to me again and tell me that another locker is free. It wasn't, there are stacks of paper that take up most of the space in it + i'm pretty sure it's meant to be accessible to the entire class. She was very insistant on the fact i can move my stuff to another locker so i gave up and moved them to the only other not-shared locker, which is the teacher's (who i couldn't ask if i was allowed since they weren't there).

I didn't store anything weird in my locker except a notebook (bc i take notes by hand instead of on my computer) and some craft supplies that can't spill or cause any problem. The lockers are also very big and i can't think of anything that would require the entire space. Even the big sheet of paper you buy at the craft store would take less than half of it. Also the stuff she put in her locker was some paper and some pens, nothing valuable.

So, was i the asshole for sharing this locker without asking first (and offering to move later) ? I thought it wasn't a big deal considering they're not locked + everyone was chill with sharing with someone else but her reaction makes me doubt it.

What are these acronyms?

#aita #am i the asshole

[gogolstoelicker]

You think you can do a Komi Shouko!MC with the Dorm Leaders + Ace & Deuce?

Dorm leaders + Adeuce duo with a Komi Shouko!MC

You're a shy and sweet individual. You suffer from extreme social anxiety and communication problems, often trembles like a leaf if you're forced to speak.

While you appear gracious on the outside, your nature is a little silly at times. You're a very detail-oriented and meticulous person. You're also curious about experiencing new stuff, often enthusiastic about it. You could also be surprisingly competitive.

Riddle:

kind of confused on why are u not speaking up

and kind of annoyed honestly

until he noticed how you're literally shaking so much

now he is concerned because????like??? are u ok????

at first he kind of just assumed you're scared of him bc of his reputation as a tyrant

so he tried to be patient and try to approach u first slowly

but then realized you're like that with everyone

so he tried asking why you're like this

ofc, no pressure. if u don't feel comfortable telling him, he won't force u!!

and if he found out why you're like this? he spends his time researching what to do to help

and now you're in riddle's lesson class

good luck😰riddle's a good teacher but u might need that goodluck

he's really patient with u and won't force u to do anything if you're still uncomfortable

will collar anyone who dared to talk abt u in a bad way bc of ur anxiety

straight up stomping their way with his uh wand??? round magic thing??? wtf is it called yolanda???? ready to swing

he's very surprised that you're competitive but its not like its not an unwelcomed surprise

will compete with u fairly

probably how yall got close idk my brain is fried after school

Leona:

thought you're scared of him too💀

so he just leaves u alone

well u had no choice but to still interact with him anyway because the god of storyline wont let yall not interact

hes observant, he'll finally notice it then

honestly? not big of a difference lol

he doesn't wanna deal with people so he mostly just leaves u alone too💀

might defend u if someone talked bad abt u tho🤔

only if its in front of him ofc

"i dont want any troublesome things to happen in front of me"

he may have said

but now u wanna be his friend

be his friend = errand runner + pillow

you'll help him with errands just fine

well sometimes

no promises with ur two friends and ur cat by ur side

but being his pillow? thats where the problem starts

literally shoots up like when a cat saw a cucumber

leona: ??????!!!!??????

u startled him so much the first time, he actually woke up for the rest of the day💀

he was annoyed but he just lets it slide bc he can't really get mad at u for smth u cant control

he'll need that level 10 friendship before he'll ever be able to make u his walking pillow

which means more effort from him head in hands

leona realizing he needs to put an effort into smth again:

he won't underestimate u or make fun of u

Azul:

he's friends with idia and even tho idia doesn't like being in crowds, that doesn't mean he's dumb

plus hes just as quiet as u when he was younger so like🤔

doesn't mean he won't try to make a contract with u

oh u want friends??? WOULD U LIKE TO HAVE A DEAL WITH HIM????

cue him and the tweels chasing u around school with a contract in hand /j

literally tried to come up with smth to help u with ur anxiety bc you're actually willing to make a contract with him

you apparently desperately want some friends bc you're pretty lonely or smth

so now azul is working his ass off to help u

whenever u help him or smth, he will think its a sign that u wanted him to hurry up with his potion to help u

listen man, he's not used to kindness alright🤷‍♀look at the people he's around with all the time

won't knock out of it until u shakily said you're just helping him just because u wanted to (and bc u wanted to be friends with him)

azul stayed awake for a whole week trying to decode what are u trying to say to him

bro almost became a human research genius

until the tweels just go "...yeah we better just say it to him before he pass or smth😰"

he ended up passing out after the tweels told him anyway

bc the exhaustion finally caught up to him

that and bc hes shocked you willingly wanted to become his friend??? after??? all???? that???

but he recovers pretty quick don't worry‼️

plays board games with u

and the tension was so bad bc yall were so competitive like chill out its just a board game😰

Kalim:

might accidentally made u uncomfortable at first bc of his extroverted vibe as idia said

quickly apologies and tried to make up to u in the most extravagant way ever

which made u even more nervous and uncomfortable💀

but it is ok! jamil is here to save the day‼️

he then spends the rest of the day telling kalim why are u shaking and looked nervous

which leads to the next day

he, unfortunately, is still very loud

so he deadass shouted ur name and ran up to u

but he gave u a whole ten page essay on why hes sorry as soon as hes in front of u so uh🤔

tried his best to tone down his enthusiasm for ur sake

more excited than u abt getting u friends than you being excited trying to gain new friends

dragged the pop music club to meet u and be friends with u

and then he dragged the second years to meet u

and then he went to drag u to meet all of his dormmates

out of everyone, hes probably the only one whos actively dragging people/dragging u around to find u some friends💀

mans even promised he'll make u meet his siblings so that they'll be ur friends

well uh with kalim by ur side, im sure you'll have more than 100 friends soon‼️

Vil:

it is ok, VIL WILL HELP😘🤗‼️

now u have like two teachers trying to help u with ur anxiety

he may be busy but he can never pass up the chance to make someone who has a lot of potential shine brighter than they alr are

will step on anyone who dared to talk bad abt ur anxiety

but then again, he doesn't wanna dirty his shoes with trash so like🤔

he tried to push u into things little by little until u get more comfortable with the change and getting out of ur comfort zone

hes very patient with u do not worry‼️

Idia:

u wont get out of ur comfort zone overnight, he understands that so that's why hes taking small steps with u until u get more comfortable

when u told him u wanted to make 100 friends??? hes all abt it

literally gave u any advice u may need to gain friends, he might even introduce u to a person or two if u ask

the savior friend to introverts who goes "excuse me, they asked for no pickles"

the one you're probably most comfortable with

i mean hes the mom friend so can't really blame u🤔🤷‍♀

is more than happy to know that you're competitive and smart

like thats a really good quality to have so he really encouraged it

more than happy to compete with u

dont think he'll go easy on u just bc he has been a little soft on u‼️

ah, if it isn't his kind of person

he kins u

you're both smart but u both have social anxiety

the only difference is that idia dislikes people and u kind of like them and wanted to be friends with them

yalls first meeting are gonna be so funny LMFOAOAOA

it was ortho's idea btw (our wingman)

literally just two people struggling to speak up to each other

but uh since yall are kind of similar to each other, its easier to get comfortable with each other🤔

Malleus:

ortho is the translator for the both of u during that time

"brother feels you're kind of relatable!"

"they said you feel relatable too, brother!"

gaming buddy

thats how yall bond

yall are really competitive abt it, ortho actually got worried friendship could be broken from this

hes probably the second or third person you're most comfortable with??🤔since u guys are so similar

but he cant really help u in social situations bc like

he doesn't even go out💀

he might help u from his ipad tho

if he feels confident enough that is

if not, he'll just make ortho go to wherever u are and help u

thought u were scared of him bc of how much u were shaking so he avoided u for ur own good💀

it takes like a week of convincing from lilia for him to even talk to u again

ah, you're just shy and is suffering from anxiety, he sees

teleports back to the library or smth to find ways to help (after yall finished talking ofc)

and honestly? he tried his best to give u advice and all that

mans even went to take some advice from lilia abt this for u

i dont think anyone will even say a thing abt ur anxiety with malleus by ur side💀

they could just mention ur name and malleus will look at their direction

which scared the students and they haven't even said anything😭⁉️

nobody wants to fuck with him thats for sure

malleus: 🤔????

he's confused on why did they stopped talking abt u when all he did was look😔

he wanted some of those juicy gossips abt u and how you're doing too yknow😔

heard of ur problem and he couldn't relate more

he too, wants some friends and is having difficulties trying to have one

suggest u two have do this quest where u both try to get friends together

bc hey!! u two will have each others' back!!

which failed pft💀friendless behavior

i mean, oh no thats so sad im so sorry

well i mean its ok!! u guys have each other ig😁!

Ace:

ur very own walking translator to people

but hes just like google translator

and by that, i mean he will give out the wrong translations sometimes

someone asked if i coukd tutor them and u wanted to say yes? ace said u said "fuck off"

someone is making fun of u? the same thing but louder and more threatening

someone is praising u and is making u uncomfortable? same thing

someone wants to eat lunch with u? same thing with the added "this table is full🙄"

doesn't really understand much why u cant speak up but tries to🤔?

he may be confused but at least he got the spirit‼️

will try to speak up for u when the professor called on u to answer some questions

which sometimes helped sometimes got u both into trouble for no reason💀

is there on ur quest to make friends

which lowkey drive them away bc they don't wanna get into trouble and all of u got into trouble often woops💀

compete with each other the most i say

it got to the point a small crowd is gathering around yall bc they're so interested in whatever u guys are competing about

be it uno, monopoly, who did the most math questions or smth, yall get so competitive abt it with each other

Deuce:

if someone makes fun of u because of ur anxiety, he will send them flying

someone is unconsciousnessly making u uncomfortable? he's alr warning them

like he straight up became a goku kinnie if someone made u uncomfy or said smth bad abt u

not even one word can get out of their mouths before they blink and deuce is in front of them with his fist up

ngl he had a hard time communicating with u too since uh

you're kind of like shaking a lot and he naturally became nervous too

so ace and deuce had to help yall warm up to each other

is really gentle and nice with u‼️

literally so scared that he might have made u uncomfortable in one way or another so he often asks for ur reassurance before anything

he usually gets u to tutor him

and hes really proud that hes ur only student that he'll wear a badge about it

honestly? he does not get these uh anxiety thing either

so he spends hours in the library and internet researching how does anxiety even work

he may be confused but at least he got the spirit‼️(2)

tried his best to help u when you're having difficulties saying smth to someone

he may butchered up a thing or two and almost made the person fight u or smth but hes a pro now‼️

literally smacks ace if he said "fuck off" again even tho thats not what u wanted to say

u wanted friends??? WELL HE CAN TRY TO HELP YES‼️⁉️

spends day and night planning how to get u 100 friends in a day💀dawg thats now humanly possible calm down

#twst #twst wonderland #twisted wonderland #twisted wonderland x reader #riddle rosehearts #leona kingscholar #azul ashengrotto #kalim al asim #vil schoenheit #idia shroud #malleus draconia #ace trappola #deuce spade

[emojellyace08]

Hii-! I have come back with a very weird and strange request. Can we have a reader who is perfect in every way. But..the catch is..what if they weren't human?..like maybe like a Angle,demon,succubus/Incubus or a siren?? Idk something not human! How would u think the lookism characters react to it and how would they find out? Also reader is a good fighter!!

Its fine if this request is so weird and you don't want to write it I totally understand!! Please do ignore this Also have a nice day/evening or night♡

♡"Lookism Men x Demon! Female Reader" ♡

A/N: Thx for the request! I'm personally going to enjoy this one bc I really like horror/supernatural kind of genre and I'm going to be inspired by some of my fav manga characters and their abilities but I'll make other ideas for this character/oc? (which is just not really obvious on my media here lol). Genre: not really fluff and lemon ; slight angst (but there are some cute parts though) TRIGGER WARNING: mentions of g*re, bl**d, organs/limbs, mut*lat*on, mentions of social anxiety and depressive episodes, kidnapping, cannibalism, trust issues, toxic relationships at some parts, NOT FOR SENSITIVE AND YOUNG AUDIENCES Another thing, if you're having thoughts like these I suggest that you don't read this. It's okay if you like gore and the horror genre but don't take anything personally! And stay safe and healthy (keep your physical and mental health in check)

Guide: Y/N (Your Name/Self Insert)

Age: (same age with the character of choice)

Sex: Female (feel free to change if you're uncomfortable)

Abilities: body mutilation, regeneration, immortality (slowly getting physically or looking old but you do have a birthday), clone making, weapon making, strategic planning, whatever else you want to add in.

Talents: *self insert*

Weaknesses (I want to give her some flaws): hand to hand combat, weakness of fire/heat, bad luck, (Bonus!: overthinker in calculations, slow memory and naïve at times, poor eyesight, lacks leadership and socializing, easily gets distracted, short tempered)

Is her powers cursed? Nobody knows. Though the only way to break it and to make her finally rest in peace is to learn how to love (cheesy Ik but let me explain later on). Not meaning to be edgy, but she hears voices in her head and she hallucinates of a beautiful (almost perfect) looking girl saying nasty things for her to do. Good thing she can control it at times.

Gun Park/Goo Kim/James Lee (DG)/ Yoojin (Eugene)/Olly Wang/Jiho Park (villain arc)/ Cheon Taejin/ Charles Choi (Elite)/ Tom Lee/ Baek Hangyul/Jinyoung Park

Oh boi, they seem to be chill and unbothered about your abilities but you know deep down that they're probably planning something about you. You're going to be a great weapon machine. Yoojin, Goo, and Baek might even acknowledge this as a great feat. But you know that behind that smile there's a foul intention hiding.

(Not promoting this behavior!): You seem to have trouble with trusting your peers making socializing hard for you. It may seem to be an easy task for most people but it can be a challenge for you. You may be good with your preferred hobbies but you know deep down that doing simple tasks in your daily life can be troubling. Good thing that he has your back for most times to protect you from harm, even if you're immortal.

This might sound toxic but I think most guys in this list/category will probably use you for their own advantage. Whether it's for strategic planning or in a physical fight he will be willing to train you because he believes that you got so much crazy potential. It's no big deal (no pun intended) for him if you got your arm or leg broken if you even got regenerative abilities (Jinyoung might kidnap and drug you out of "pure" curiosity of what the hell is your body capable of). It's also another interesting thing if you can make your own weapons. At least you can defend yourself from opponent's attacks even when you're losing. But he thinks that your abilities is not enough. You need to train, you need to get stronger since he saw that flaw on you that you depend on weaponry. Expect him to either whoop your ass for a beating everyday or do scientific experiments on you to know if you got more abilities that you are hiding from him and he wants to know your limits. Your endurance, durability, speed, IQ and defense are one of your greatest feats. But you often struggle to take the offense and with your strength, stamina and you need more battle knowledge plus experience. He wants to make you his greatest weapon.

It may be easy for them to just beat you in one punch or kick, but he knows that he may be fighting death. It doesn't mean that he's better at hand and hand combat is that you're not going to bring your guard down. You got your weapons and the only way to evade your attacks is if he is fast enough or if he has insane durability. Despite appearing as a normal being at times, you get easily agitated and stressed. This may trigger your powers and even a single scratch or drop of blood can produce another clone of you own even if it's a really slow process. And you getting pissed off is dangerous, it can cause chaos on your surroundings and you might even unintentionally harm the ones you consider your family. He might consider training your attitude though.

He might even make theories or hypothesis about your abilities. Is it a curse or is it really on your genes? But so far he knows that based on what you said, you never really find or felt love even from your close "friends" or family. He asked why you felt this way but you just don't really know the answer. If you actually get to know each other and have a deep connection he might actually like you, though at times it's just not obvious. He might not be the most affectionate but he promises that he'll try to be more gentle with his approach. You don't know if you could trust that though.

Sinu Han/Kuroda Ryuhei/Vin Jin/Gongseob Ji/Doo Lee/Jake Kim (Goo Kim ; a bit he's more chill than the others above)

Another one who's not really disturbed by your abilities or yourself. But he's not going to use you either. He's fine with you being a succubus or a demon as long as you won't hurt anybody intentionally. Though he can't help but to be amazed by it. "Wow! You can really do that? Can you show me a trick of yours or something?" "Do I really look like a dog to you?" He's just going to let you be. You are you and he wants you to live your best life.

GORE WARNING: He's not really demanding you to help him to deal off his enemies but he'll still appreciate your help nonetheless. But he'll still get really worried about you since he deeply cares tbh. He knows that you're not really a pro with hand to hand combat. But your creation ability and regenerative powers is a great advantage. But he doesn't want you to get hurt. Trust me he'll be in a state of shock when you started crying when you broke your arm or when it got cut off. Your limbs may have the ability to grow back, but you can still feel the pain and it may take a while for it to grow another clone of yours. So it's best if you don't make him worried, he can handle this business on his own.

He lowkey gets scared when you have an episode (like for example when Tomie grows another clone of hers when being triggered or mutilated). He wants to help you out as possible to just stop the drama but he doesn't know how to approach you when these events happen. He will try his best to comfort you though after.

He always feels bad that you experience getting mutilated over and over again. As you explained to him, the more you get revived, you slowly lose your humanity and sense of empathy. You often tried your best to mingle with other people but you end up being awkward and coming out as loud and strong to them making most avoid you. This frustrates you a lot as you want to live peacefully but your powers won't just let you be. He will try his best though in including you to social events and daily activities like partying and spending time with his friends and acquaintances so he hopes that you'll enjoy and appreciate his efforts! And if you're in a romantic relationship with him, he'll make you feel that you are worth it and he'll make you feel loved. Who knows the devil inside you might calm down for a while as you enjoy your moments with him.

Daniel Park/Jay Hong/Zack Lee/Vasco (Lee Eun Tae)/Jace Park/Eli Jang/Warren Chae/Jerry Kwon/Lineman/Brad Lee/Kwak Jihan & Jibeom/Jiho Park/Yuseong/Duke Pyeon/Xiaoleoung

He was a bit concerned with your abilities, almost not believing you at first if you asked me. Daniel might understand you more than the other guys in this list because of his ability to pass his consciousness with his two bodies at will. For sure you know that he was a bit scared about what you are capable of. Though he tries to be respectful with your feelings as possible since he doesn't want you to feel left out or feel misunderstood. Vasco, Jerry, Lineman, and Zack may ask questions again while you can hear his voice getting shaky mixing with his curiosity. (Cannibalism warning!) "Yo-You're a demon? Do you eat humans?" "I can if I want to make myself more powerful. But in exchange of that, I will completely loose my control over myself. So not necessarily because I don't want to. My diet is composed of what humans eat so you don't have to be scared, though it's understandable if you want to distance yourself from me." "NO NO IT'S OKAY I PROMISE!" "SH! BE QUIET!"

With the other more mature guys in this list, he may ask why you have the ability to make yourself to be stronger with you eating others. "It depends on the person. If I consumed a beautiful teenager around my age, I might be able to resemble like her or get some of her striking attributes like her prettiness. Or if I ate a powerful opponent, my hand to hand combat or creation will get more stronger and deadlier. It can probably enhance my regenerative powers but I wouldn't risk it. It can feed her up at have complete control over my body." "Who's her?" he asked as you pointed something behind his back with the coldest eyes. "Behind you." (ANOTHER THING! If someone is completely concerned or is actually really emotionally close with you they might see what you're seeing. It's a really pretty girl almost resembling like you, but her physical appearance has no flaws. But the one of the main difference between the two of you is that her attitude is, well not really pleasing and good if you asked me. She can't also touch other people but she can control you when you're experiencing uncontrollable negative emotions, hence it's the reason why you switch personalities in times of stressful events).

He'll be in a state of panic when you limbs got cut off again. He might take you to the nearest hospital but you told him that doctors will probably hold an experiment on you if they learned about your regenerative abilities. So the only solution he can make up with is him stitching your limbs together so you wouldn't produce another clone. After some weeks your body is back to normal and there is no hint of scars on your arms and legs. He is relieved that you are feeling better now.

You mentioned of how you never felt satisfied with your daily life despite being talented at the things you do. He may ask the reason why but you couldn't really find the answer. You often see your classmates chatting and having a great time, why couldn't you have that too despite helping them out when they need assistance? Are you not enough? Are you boring or too loud? Are you ugly? You couldn't even know the answer. The only theory he can make up is that your insecurities and hatred against other people can feed up the "demon" in you to be stronger and take over you. And that hallucination of yours is a reflection of your wrath, envy, and greed getting stronger if you loose control because of you looking for your own perfection. So you got to take a hold on yourself and actually start appreciating yourself. He doesn't blame you if you feel insecure about yourself, but you got to start to change and be more open to everybody even to him if you need advice in your life. He'll make you remind that despite having your own flaws, your kindness shouldn't be abused by other people who wants to take advantage of it and he's thankful that you helped him out in his darkest times when others can't or don't want to. And you shouldn't bring yourself down most of the times. But your "friend" is not pleased with this though. She often reminds you that you're just a pawn to be used by other people and how you wouldn't be strong or approachable without her. Often gaslighting you at times since she's scared of getting physically weaker because of your humanity taking over. So you and him have to work hard to make this bitch calm down. He'll give you lots of hugs and kisses and whispering to your ear about how he loves you. It's your guardian angel helping you out as best as possible battling with your worst enemy, the devil in your head and consciousness.

Samuel Seo/Johan Seong/Hudson Ahn/Daniel Park (post-Gun training arc)/Jace Park/Magami Kenta/Kwak Jichang/Taesoo Ma/Mandeok

He's not really surprised or disturbed by this discovery. But that doesn't mean he's not concerned. It might have hurt on your part to be cut off over and over again. And it might not be obvious since he's mostly calm at times but he doesn't like it when he sees you experiencing this phenomenon. It may have been something along with black magic or a curse even if he doesn't really believe in those unrealistic stuff. But so far he believes that what you're experiencing is not scientifically possible.

A little background story: He'll be asking why your devil just wouldn't leave you alone. You explained to him that you didn't knew either as you just woke up with no prominent scars or wounds on your body. You remembered being in a fight with your so called "friends" who have betrayed you and who have taken your life somewhere between the woods when they asked you out for camping. The authorities couldn't lock them up because of lack of evidence against them. Then you just woke up on your house like nothing happened. You were shocked that the year was different from when you died, maybe around 1987. You tried making contact with the people you used to know in your past life but you couldn't get a hold on them. They're probably dead or they may have forgotten about you. You just didn't know. He suggested if you got reincarnated in a new body but it's far from truth. Your body still looked exactly the same like in the past. And it just doesn't make sense if you woke up with a devil whispering to your ear about the nastiest shit ever and you just don't age at all.

He'll also be in a state of shock the moment your body produces another clone or when your limbs got cut off. He doesn't know what to do since you producing a clone that gets stronger can affect your mental health and you're both in the middle of a fight that can harm both of your lives. He will have a hard decision if he should just run away with you or fuck up that bastard's face for getting you hurt.

Like I said, they might not be the most affectionate out of the bunch but some of them are more mentally stable than the others above except for Samuel and Johan but anwaysss. He'll make sure that you eat normally and sleep well. He'll have a chat with you there and then so it wouldn't trigger your negative emotions and keep them in control. And he'll also spend his quality time with you even when he's tired like cuddling with you on the bed and giving your head some pecks.

#lookism x reader #lookism x y/n #lookism x you #daniel park x reader #lookism fic #jay hong x reader #zack lee x reader #vasco x reader #eli jang x reader #gun park x reader #park jonggun x reader #goo kim x reader #dg x reader #james lee x reader #hudson ahn x reader #warren chae x reader #jerry kwon x reader #jake kim x reader #samuel seo x reader #sinu han x reader #ryuhei x reader #jace x reader #vin jin x reader #gore manga #gore oc

[clitfisto]

care to elaborate on the miles venom arc?

YES okay so. the thing abt the symbiote is that (like any good corruption arc) it feeds on and amplifies the worst traits of a character, which is pretty straightforward in peters case - his biggest issue is his anger, usually manifesting via retribution (eg. "i missed the part where thats my problem", hunting down uncle bens killer), so his origin story is always the great power/great responsibility thing so he learns to temper that rage. what the symbiote does, practically, is force him to unlearn that foundational character arc and regress to his worst self

since the symbiote really really loves aggression peter parker is literally its dream guy but miles is a little more complex. hes definitely susceptible to that same anger (eg. wanting to "make kingpin pay", the entire sm2 martin li arc) but not as often and nowhere near as hardcore, so the peter playbook wont work as well for him (and also it would be fucking boring. weve seen that shit like 8 times already (not saying symbiote peter is boring i just think modern iterations need to explore new aspects to avoid treading the same ground constantly (sm2 does this very fucking well (also yuri lowenthal is a great va for peter like right up there with josh keaton (i think this many parentheses means im off topic (the adhd demon got me))))))

SO. whats miles' major issue he needs to overcome in his origin story? full disclosure i have not read the comics (but i heard they had some issues with his initial characterization anyway? which is fair enough tbh writing the successor to such an iconic guy is Fucking Hard) so TO ME PERSONALLY!! spider-verse miles is the definitive iteration of the guy and like. we all remember the whats up danger scene, his origin arc is overcoming self-doubt and learning to believe in himself ("its a leap of faith", "youre on your way, just keep going") which, alongside social anxiety (eg. the itsv "everyone knows" scene, sm2 "are you mad at me? it sounds like youre mad at me" dialog), seems to be part of some general anxiety issues. this is pretty well supported by the recent "the spider within" short film (which funnily enough is very fucking reminiscent of some sequences in kravens last hunt, not relevant but kinda cool) which also shows how miles responds by self-isolating, similarly to ps5 miles when peter ignores him

the symbiote can exploit his self-doubt pretty easily, the inherent power boost will do most of the heavy lifting to make him feel like hes not good enough without it - what if he runs out of web at the worst moment? what if hes not strong or fast enough to save someone? what if hes caught mid-costume change because hes so used to the suit changing itself? the more valid the (inital) concerns the better imo

the social anxiety is a tricky one but i think if miles traps himself in a doom loop of self-isolation he might spiral into genuine paranoia, which combined w/ the patented symbiote rage could lead him to lash out at people around him. "everyone secretly hates me so im gonna avoid being around people" -> "i feel alienated from everyone i know so im gonna avoid them even harder" -> "am i 'okay'? why would you care? what are you playing at? fuck off and leave me alone" -> "nobody wants to interact w/ me so everyone who does must have ulterior motives and is therefore a threat to me/my family/my city" -> "im completely isolated but bad things are still happening so people must be conspiring against me w/o my knowledge" -> "literally everyone on earth is out to get me and i need to fight them about it"

from there i think the ideal conclusion is pretty self-evident - miles takes a metaphorical leap of faith (calling back to the lesson learned in his origin arc) by actively choosing to trust someone, reach out and ask for help w/ removing the symbiote and dealing with the contemporary big bad (potentially his local peter variant bc hes got experience w/ symbiote removal and it would tie into the "leap of faith" motif but idk)

so tldr: a miles symbiote arc would be different to peters arcs in some (very interesting) key ways - rather than unbridled aggression he could be characterized by intense anxiety, manifesting as paranoid self-isolation and a sense of dependence on the symbiote suit, and would end the arc by reaching out for help in a symbolic leap of faith

#autism will really have you writing essays recreationally huh. #idk im just saying shit if anyone else has ideas or anything to add i would love to hear it!!

[unreadpoppy]

you had such a good ask that i'm stealing it to send back to you haha:

random oc question: How did you come up with gwen? Are there any inspirations from other characters/people? Is there any part of your own personality that you imbue in them? And also, how did you come up with the name?

૮꒰ྀི∩´ ᵕ `∩꒱ྀིა

YES I SENT THAT ASK WITH THE INTENTION YOU'D SEND IT BACK MY PLAN WORKED HAHAHA

But anyways *cracks knuckles*

under the cut cause it got long

So Gwen was a character I created for a dnd campaign. Originally, I was going to use another character in that game but the DM kinda inimidated me a bit (in the sense of vibes) so I decided to go make a new character.

A long time ago I had seen a post that was something like if a witch made a deal with someone to have their first born and then the same person had a child with a devil and now they had a custody battle or whatever, that post was the inspiration for Gwen. I was like 'what if I make a warlock, which I've wanted to play for a long time, whose patron is their dad, inspired by that post?' and that's how Gwen came to be (i remember even checking about tiefling parents and DnD 3.5e i think had something about being the child of a human and a devil so i just showed that to the dm and she was like ok).

I don't remember using any other characters as inspiration for Gwen (consciously at least, bc some times I do catch myself comparing her a bit with jester from CR), but, a lot of her personality is a mix of my personality traits (I was attempting to lift myself up a bit by making a character that had some of my 'positive' personality traits) and things I wish I could be so like, Gwen is very talkative, she says what comes to her mind, she's sassy, she's creative, she has a sweet tooth, that's all from me, but her being a high charisma character, who will talk to anyone, her always willing to go a crazy adventure and have 0 caution, that's very like 'things I'd never do' sort of thing (especially cause I do have social anxiety and making Gwen was also a way for me to try and 'combat' that).

And this also goes into her physical appearence. Cannonicaly (bc BG3 doesn't have fat body types), Gwen is a big girl/plus size, because once again, this was me trying to make me feel better about myself and my body (reminder that gwen was conceived in 2021, so pandemic was going around, I was in my last year of high school and my mental health was in the gutter). The fact that she is pink is definetly due to the fact that I used to be a pink hater and i was like 'ok i want to stop hating pink so let me make this character that color' and it worked lol.

Finally the reason why her name is Gwendolyn Gray. So, one of my favorite cartoon shows growing up was Total Drama Island and my fav character was the goth Gwen, and for some reason, I had put in my head that the TDI gwen was short for Gwendolyn, and also because I liked Gwendoline Christie and completely forgot how to correctly spell her name and ended up with Gwendolyn. The gray came about because I wanted to give her a surname and I couldn't think of anything, then as I looked around my room, I saw my copy of 'The Picture of Dorian Gray' and was like "Gray... Gwendolyn Gray...it has a nice ring to it"

#thanks for falling in my trap Void #gwendolyn is part of the duo of characters i made in 2021 that have a tight grip on me #ask answered

[psychologeek]

So, I noticed something interesting:

I was asking people to come up with a name for "a program that specialises in therapy for criminals/villains/ anyone with legal problems. I have TBL (Therapy Beyond Law) but it feels lame".

And an interesting thing I found was that even though I didn't say anything about the program... Un village them.

Some of the offers included:

"Revive - Rehabilitating Every Villian Into Viable Employees"

LAW (Legal Aid for Wretches)/( Legal Aid for Workers)

Villain Anonymous

league of Super Enemy’s rehabilitated (LOSER)?

(I also got some interesting ideas! But that was a common thought)

Which is... weird. It could be on me, since I made it sound like it's a "villains' fix-it" , but my thoughts were based on some things:

Therapists have ethical codes, and in many places laws about having to report to the authorities. (Like if someone tell them they're gonna kill someone and have a plan, cases of child abuse, etc.)

What do criminals that require mental support do?

The mental equivalent of a "back alley doctor".

Like, this made up program is supposed to be where ppl who can't/doesn't want to go to therapy at someone with ethical/legal code can find help via this.

It's all distant-locarion based, like phone and Skype and Zoom, only their own kind. For security reasons. And it's firewalls all the ways down with the best hackers on the job and maybe some magic users and a cyborg?

Anyway -

It can doesn't have to be about crimes.

Honestly, most people come to talk about "normal" things, like depression and stress and relationships and all.

There are those who come because they don't want to be known by the government, bc of paranoia or witness protection or family or social issues.

There are metas, or magic users, or aliens - coming looking for a place to openly talk without the fear of being exposed or reported.

So you have a big ass, 7 feet green person talking about their body image issues and being rejected by society and everyone look at you with disgust and hating you because of your skin colour.

And you have an alien talking about cultural conflicts and physical differences and feeling isolated and alone. Or being turned between the people who raised you (that you love) but you want to know more about your birth family and don't want to upset them.

And a witch coming to tslk about how to come out to her mother - there's a lot of love there, but also a traditional family. And she laughs and telling you she doesn't know what would be harder for her mom - finding out her kid's a witch or finding out she's bi.

And of course, there are criminals. But most of them come for things like "How to improve my relationship with my kids" or getting help for depression or anxiety.

(sometimes they talk about crimes. But it's usually like "I have panic attacks since my car blew up. Why? Oh, bc I killed that monster's brother. Anyway, how can I go back to driving?" )

And there are, very few, like trafficers coming for things like "how to make the cargo last longer" and "sometimes they cry and it piss me off".

(which is... not something a usual supervisor can help you deal with.)

And sometimes they come bc more than one reason - bc a 7feet green person CAN'T find a "legal" job, so they also talk about hurting ppl.

And that alien might have a blue-and-orange morral, and is horrified by the whole concept of "burial", but also can't understand WHY he can't shape shift and look like someone else (exist) and the concept of identity theft.

Anyway. I'd love to hear your ideas/fics. Just please let me know if you write anything with this concept. Thank you 😊

#batman #red hood #therapy #villains need therapy too #tbl #therapy beyond law #mental health issues #mental health is health #my writing

[unhingedlesbear]

Guys I'm actually not awful at public transport anymore. This doesn't seem like an achievement but to me and because of my crippling social anxiety, it really is bc for the longest time I was TERRIFIED of taking buses or trains alone, but now I have to in order to get to and from college. I did fuck up once a couple weeks ago, I took the wrong train and I got lost for a couple hours in central London and also embarrassed myself pretty bad on the way home which was all my worst fears in one, but I fucking got back home 💪 and buses are no big deal anymore as long as I know it's the right one. I've almost beat one of my biggest drawbacks and I'm kinda proud of that.

#Lee lore #how things are going

[drunktuesdays]

this one feels like a homework discussion question but actually for that? i love it. 🕯️how do you think engaging with each other through tumblr, twitter, comments, kudos, creates healthy fandom experiences? How do you deal with that if you're not a social person/experience social anxiety?

well jenna, as you know, i'm an overly social person, and am always dipping into people's replies or dms or whatever. i join like, every discord i can find with people that seem cool because if i stop hunting for something to keep me entertain, i could potentially experience a "thought" and that's to be avoided at all costs. so i can't really speak to having social anxiety because although i have many "mental problems" that's not one of them.

healthy fandom experiences—i don't know. i think it's probably good, right? i think when we chatter back and forth and talk to each other, we inspire each other to write and draw and create and that's super cool. i think a healthy thriving fandom is always going to be one with a chatty community, and i think there's ways tumblr's really not built for that but other ways it's perfect.

re: comments....idk. it's such a difficult thing to try to talk about. as much as i desperately want to be a person who writes and publishes for the joy of writing and publishing, but i'm not yet that evolved. i love seeing the impact my art has on those around me, and so i'm always really eager for comments or messages or kudos. my last redacted fic didn't really do that well, and it can feel deflating sometimes and that's not really healthy! i never want to be a person who writes FOR the response because the art that comes out of that impulse is often really cloying and cliched. i write the things i like to write because i wanted to, and i'm glad i did! and that's gotta be enough. no one owes me comments/kudos/messages! i KNOW that.

but i also know the flip side. i don't tend to read a ton of wrestling fic because i'm SO picky and annoying about it, so i'm often reading in fandoms i've never heard of and couldn't identify the principals in a line up. and then i feel weird commenting--which is crazy because i don't mind when people comment on my fic and say "i don't know who these people are, but i had fun." knowing how much comments mean to me, i SHOULD comment more. and i keep resolving to, and then failing. but i should.

anyway, tl:dr, i don't tend to click on tumblrs outside of my circle bc i'm scared of wider fandom, but i prize all of you who interact with me SO much and if you've ever left me a comment then you've positively contributed to my mood in a big time way and i need to do better at contributing to others.

#askmeme

[lilnasxvevo]

Ok here was the joke that I think he reacted badly to:

He was reading an email I wrote over my shoulder to make sure it was up to his standards (emails go out to like, social workers and the parents/guardians of our clients so they’re kind of a big deal) and he made a comment about whether or not I was going to check out the couple of phrases that were underlined in blue. I had already noticed those areas before I called him over, and I had already decided that their grammar suggestions were not relevant to the actual thought I was trying to convey, so I was just kind of like “Nah, nah.”

And he was like, super neutrally, “So what I’m learning about you is you’re the kind of person who doesn’t pay any mind to those suggestions.”

And I kind of panicked bc I couldn’t really read his tone, and because he’d made me watch him write emails in the past and he pretty much always takes Microsoft’s grammar suggestions, and the way I chose to deal with this panic was to joke, jokingly, in a joking manner, “Well, not to sound arrogant, but I have a bachelors in English, and this is a computer program.”

And I THOUGHT that would defuse things somehow or get a “Haha” or even a grin out of it but it got absolutely no reaction from him.

And today, he was looking over the email drafts I had sent him in his own office, and he came over to talk to me because I had paraphrased something one person had said and used the phrase “anxiety-inducing” and he didn’t like that.

And maybe I got a little defensive, maybe, I’m not perfect, and I started defending my use of the word, and I didn’t say a thing about my writing skills or my dumb fucking English major but he still said, “Now, you’ve thrown the fact that you’ve majored in English at me before,” and my voice just DIED on the spot and I shut my mouth and he told me some stuff about trying to quote the client as much as possible and making sure we aren’t stressing out the parents by using words that are too “dramatic,” and said if the client used a word like “stressed” then I shouldn’t use a word like “anxiety.”

And at this point I said, “I’m just—I’m just pretty sure that the client did use the word ‘anxiety.’”

And he was like “Okay but I’m pretty sure she didn’t use that other word,” and he said something that implied that the word “inducing” is like some fancy word that most people didn’t know and implied that the client wouldn’t know that word either which I found strange and kind of rude because I feel like a lot of people know that word, though I guess maybe my boss doesn’t.

And I was just kind of like “Okay. Okay, I’ll change it,” and he was like “Okay.” and then he left and then a little after that was when I made my post about having an RSD anxiety attack in the bathroom

And I just really don’t know how to bring this up to him because I’m just so surprised that he seems to have drawn conclusions about what kind of person I am based on that one comment, when all of my other interactions with him have been marked by me deferring to his knowledge in all things, doing what I’m asked, and being open to learning new ways of doing things. Today was the first time I’ve complained or resisted in any way unless you count the aforementioned joke that fell flat and now I’m really worried he thinks I’m a jerk. And so I am just finding this really hard to navigate because I feel like if I bring this up to him at all or try to advocate or stand up for myself he’ll just be like, “Oh, here’s Docket making things all about himself again.”

[logosbot-tm-fics]

NEW CHAPTER FOR FORMALDEHYDE BC I DECIDED TO NOT LISTEN TO THE POLL

Enjoy!

Take My Tea With Formaldehyde

[Start] [<Previous] [Next>]

Chapter 8: Am I Pretty Now?

(More beneath the cut)

Mumbo felt rather pleased with himself. He had managed to get his hands on an Ariana Griande concert ticket. It hadn’t been his priority at all but he saw that the tickets had been released so he decided to buy one. He smiled to himself when he noticed that the tickets were sold for a rather affordable price as well, which meant that it didn’t feel like a waste of money. Instead it felt like a treat. Considering the fact that everything felt so confusing and messy lately, he felt like he really needed to give himself something.

The concert was, as always, great. Though it always felt weird that she had gone from a small artist to one of the most popular artists, if not the most popular. A part of him still thought of her as a small, unknown artist, even if he knew that wasn't the truth. It didn't really matter, her music was still great, and he still enjoyed the things she did.

But even if the show was great, Mumbo couldn't help but notice one thing. Ariana was moving her hands weirdly.

Or more accurately, she seemed to be struggling to move her hands normally. She struggled to use them, meaning that she either held the mic or not at all. Sure, she had an in-ear, but sometimes she used regular microphones. Not that Mumbo really knew why. It was odd to see her struggle, it looked as if she was hurt. As if she had someone hurt her hands.

Mumbo wasn’t the only one who noticed. He heard someone behind him whisper about it.

"Is she okay?" They said, tone worried. "She seems unable to use her hands."

"I don't know." Another person responded. "Her hands look hurt."

Mumbo had noticed that as well, they looked bruised, damaged. Wasn't it weird that both Grian and Ariana had hurt their hands? Rather odd coincidence. He shrugged it off, stuff like that happened.

He hoped Ariana was okay.

Later when Mumbo was scrolling through social media he saw a few posts writing about her damaged hands. Posts pointed out how she pulled her sleeves over knuckles in selfies she posted, or avoided putting photos of her hands in them.

Some posts had photos from the concert, with red circles around her hands. The comments were filled with concerned fans, or people saying that it probably wasn't a big deal.

Mumbo hoped she was okay.

~

Ariana is on TV, it's a talk show again. Her brown hair is slightly wavy, and she has a pink hair clip in it. She has rather soft makeup this time, just enough pink eyeshadow to bring out her dark brown eyes.

She seems to have a rather nice time, even if something seems to be making her anxious. She's fidgeting with her sleeve, smiling as she answers questions. Despite the anxiety she seems to be feeling, she actually looks relaxed.

The talkshow host, a woman with long blonde hair, looks kind and genuine. Her smile is so different from other people who have interviewed Ariana.

"I'm so sorry, and I hope you don’t mind me asking," The talk show host says, looking at the cards in her hand. They seem to be there mostly for support. She has asked a bunch of questions and has rarely looked at the cards. It seems as if she's actually interested in what Ariana is saying. "But a lot of people, myself included, have noticed that your hands seem to have been hurt somehow, what happened? You can pass on this question if you want." She offers kindly.

"No, it's okay, I've been getting quite a lot of questions myself." Ariana replied, smiling. "Well, I hurt them, to put it simply. "

"Pardon my curiosity, but how? Was it a dance accident or?" The interviewer asked.

 

Ariana laughed slightly, shaking her head. “I mean, a dance accident would make sense, but you don't really hurt yourself like that when dancing." She explained, resting her hands in her lap. "I also wish I could say it was for a good reason, but, this is a bit silly, I just hurt them whilst boxing."

"You box?" The host said, looking a bit surprised.

"Yeah, I do." Ariana smiled. "It's not something a lot of people know. It's my preferred form of working out.

“I see," The host said, her smile matching Ariana's. "But are your hands okay?”

 

“Ah, they’re better, I'll say that. It’s just a case of boxer’s knuckles. I’ve been to the doctor and I've gotten it treated, I'm just going to struggle to hold a microphone for a while.” Ariana shrugged it off casually.

“Oh, I see. I hope they get better.” The talkshow host said earnestly.

“Thank you.” Ariana smiled, and with that the conversation was over.

The interviewer then turned to the audience, to move on from the topic.“Now, let me introduce the world famous popstar and drag queen, Scottsune Miku!" She announced, gesturing towards a portion of the stage.

Scottsune Miku came out on stage. She greeted the host and Ariana with a genuine smile, before sitting down next to Ariana.

"Scottsune it's a pleasure to-"

Mumbo turned off the TV. Grian would be over soon.

~

To Mumbo, making tea was almost therapeutic. It helped him calm down, focus on the amount of tea leaves, how hot the water needed to be, and how long it needed to brew.

He made tea if he felt stressed, angry, sad, frustrated, or any negative emotion. If he felt bad, then there would be a pot filled with tea almost immediately.

This, however, was not one of those days.

This was one of those rare days when things seemed strangely fine. Grian was laying on Mumbo's couch, just watching videos on his phone, whilst Mumbo was in the kitchen making some tea for them.

Sure, there were awkward silences and a weird tension in the air even during the okay days, but they had become a lot more bearable. A lot nicer than the others.

It almost made Mumbo forget about the bad days.

Mumbo filled a plate with biscuits, and went out into the living room. He placed the tea, milk, honey, and biscuits on the table, before sitting down next to Grian on the couch.

As soon as Mumbo picked up his book to read, Grian put his head in Mumbo's lap. He often did that.

However, it took Mumbo a while to realise that he was playing with Grian's hair. He had just started doing it, and by god, was Grian's hair soft. It was also rather long. Not at all as well trimmed as it used to be. It used to reach just above his jaw, curling in such a way that it looked shorter…but now it was down by the nape of his neck.

It looked good.

Grian seemed very content with the fact that Mumbo was playing with his hair. His eyes were closed, and his hand rested on top of his phone that was laying on his chest. He seemed at peace. Calm. Relaxed, for once.

"Mumbo?" Grian asked, his eyes still closed.

"Mm?" Mumbo responded, trying to focus on the words in his book instead of how soft Grian's hair was. He was failing miserably.

"I feel like going out again." Grian says.

Mumbo nearly drops his book onto Grian's head in response. "What?"

He hadn't expected Grian to say that. It’s only been three weeks since the whole incident, and sure Grian's hands have healed, but…if Mumbo was honest, he didn't really feel all that comfortable going out. He didn't want that to happen again.

"I wanna go out again." Grian says, as if Mumbo hadn’t heard him. "I think it would be fun."

"You're sure?" Mumbo asks. "What if-"

"Mumbo, it will be fine." Grian cut him off, looking up at Mumbo. "I had fun, despite what happened. Besides, I don't want that to stop me from having fun and doing things I like." He sounded rather determined, and that convinced Mumbo.

The two of them decided to go out the next day, since that was a Friday and neither would be at work on the Saturday.

Still, Mumbo couldn't help but feel as if something would go wrong.

~

This time, they go without Iskall. Somehow it feels like both of them want to go alone, for it to be just the two of them. Neither says it and neither suggests bringing Iskall. They just…understand.

In the line to the club, Grian looks giddy, almost like a child, excitedly bouncing in place. Mumbo smiles fondly. Maybe it was a good idea to go out, despite what happened last time. If he'd known that Grian would be this happy, he wouldn't have hesitated at all, and would have agreed immediately.

Surprisingly, the queue moves quickly, and they're inside sooner than expected. Grian grabs Mumbo's hand as soon as they step inside, dragging him out on the dance floor. Mumbo doesn't even get a chance to protest. Not that he minds.

Mumbo can't dance, not in the slightest. He moves awkwardly, or almost not at all. It doesn’t seem to matter. Grian just seems happy that Mumbo is dancing with him, even if he's far from graceful.

Unlike last time, Mumbo doesn't sit down to take a break, instead he just follows Grian's movements. The way Grian smiled when he realised Mumbo was still dancing with him successfully calmed down most worries Mumbo had.

He doesn't know how, but at some point he gets a drink and Grian gets one too. It takes a while for him to realise, but Grian is the one paying for his drinks.

"Grian-" Mumbo says, holding a gin and tonic in his hand. It must be his third one, and they haven't been out that long. "You know you don't have to pay for my drinks, right?"

Grian gestured vaguely, trying to brush off Mumbo's comment. "Don't worry about it," He slurred, his alcohol tolerance lower than Mumbo's. Not surprising, he was shorter after all. "I want to, besides I've got more than enough money."

Mumbo wondered what he meant by that, surely being an accountant couldn't pay that well. Though, maybe he worked for a good company?

"You're sure? I can pay for myself, if you-"

Grian cut him off, placing his hand on top of Mumbo's. The look he gave him was strangely intense and rather determined. "Mumbo. I seriously want to, and I have a fair amount of money that I don't really have use for. Let me pay for you."

"Oh-" Mumbo was a bit unsure of what to say, but he guessed that maybe he shouldn't question it. Grian seemed absolutely certain. "I-...thank you."

"My pleasure." Grian said, smiling a bit. He pulled away his hand and tilted his drink slightly at Mumbo. Mumbo silently wished Grian had let his hand stay.

Sometime after that brief conversation, Grian drags Mumbo back out onto the dance floor. As the time has passed, more people have entered the club, and they end up being very close to each other. Mumbo feels a warmth pool in his stomach at the proximity.

Despite them being at a club filled with people, it feels weirdly intimate.

Mumbo feels slightly dizzy, but in a good way. Almost as if he's floating. He has definitely drunk more than he thought. A lot more…and, what's the time? He hasn't checked his watch in a while.

Maybe he should, it might be a good idea-

His thoughts get cut off by Grian suddenly kissing him on the cheek. Mumbo gives him what he assumes is a questioning look, and Grian just shrugs in response.

"Felt like it." He said, casually, as if he always just randomly gives Mumbo kisses. Somehow, it actually feels fairly normal.

They still don't move off the dance floor. In reality, it would probably be next to impossible, there's far too many people around them. Neither really seems to want to sit down, and continue to dance…if you can call it that, it's more moving to the best of their ability on the crowded dance floor.

“Mumbo?” Grian whispered, the two so close together, that his voice could somehow be heard over the music and the people around them.

“Hmm?” Mumbo hummed, looking at Grian, who was looking at him with half-lidded eyes.

“Do you…” Grian began, stopping himself for a second, tilting his head to the side. The movement was a bit awkward, clumsy almost. “...Do you think I’m pretty?” He asked, smiling in a strangely shy way. He played with a lock of hair. If Mumbo was more sober he probably would have wondered why Grian looked like that.

Mumbo had difficulty processing the question, the alcohol making his brain work slower, worse than usual. “W..what?”He said in response, vaguely aware of the fact that he was standing up.

Grian leaned forward, so he could whisper into Mumbo’s ear. “Do you think I’m pretty?” He asked again, his lips centimetres away from Mumbo’s ear. Mumbo felt his breath on his neck.

When Mumbo finally managed to process the question he felt a smile break out on his face. He couldn’t stop it. He didn’t want to stop it.

He nodded in response. “Yes.” He said. “Yes, you’re very pretty.” He gently tucked a hair strand behind Grian’s ear, just so he could see him more clearly.

Grian looked surprised, his eyes wide, a faint blush on his face. Was it there because of the alcohol or-

“Really?” Grian breathed. “Am I prettier than Ariana?”

Mumbo felt his head spin, half wondering why Grian asked that. He barely realised that it was a rather strange question to ask. “Yes, always.” Mumbo replied, earnestly. “You’re the prettiest. Always the prettiest.” His words slurred together.

Grian seemed very pleased with that, and put his head against Mumbo’s chest. “The prettiest…” He whispered, a smile on his lips.

They lose track of time, and before they know it, it has to be after 2am. They have sat down at some point, Grian leaning against Mumbo. Mumbo thinks that some people have to think that they're a couple. He doesn't mind that. He wonders if Grian minds that, but realises that he'd have to ask if he wants to know.

They should probably leave. It's late and they should probably get home.

Mumbo asks if Grian wants to come to his place, and Grian nods silently, his arms tightly around Mumbo's body

They take a cab together, and start to giggle and laugh and neither knows why they're laughing. Grian holds Mumbo's hand tightly, as if he won't ever let go.

Mumbo doesn't want him to.

~

Mumbo and Grian half walked, half stumbled into Mumbo's apartment. Almost falling onto the floor in the hallway. The two of them were laughing drunkenly as they went inside, the type of laughter that bubbles in your stomach and is impossible to stop. The type that makes you laugh until your stomach hurts. They clung onto each other for support, which didn't exactly work. Neither was particularly stable.

Mumbo somehow managed to sit down on the stool in the hall and started to take off his shoes. He struggled but eventually got them off.

Grian laughed even harder when he saw how Mumbo almost failed at the simple action. Mumbo laughed as well, throwing his shoes at Grian. The shoes missed Grian completely, since Mumbo's already terrible aim seemed to have somehow gotten even worse, and Grian fell down on the floor, still laughing.

Grian clumsily pulled off his own shoes. He sat on the floor for a short while until Mumbo tried to help him stand up. Neither could seem to stop laughing, the happiness felt sticky and sweet, and it held them firmly in its grasp. Not that either could really complain. When was the last time they properly laughed together?

Grian somehow managed to stand up properly, smiling at Mumbo. Mumbo smiled back, and ended up looking directly into Grian's eyes. The laughing stopped, though not in a bad way. The air felt electric, and neither looked away.

Mumbo had known for a long while that Grian's eyes were blue, but oh. Oh, how they were beautiful. They were like an ocean, a gorgeous mix of blues. Earlier Mumbo would've assumed that they were just light blue, but now he wondered how he had ever missed the specks of midnight blue in them.

Grian breathed, his eyes stuck on Mumbo. Mumbo's lips felt dry. Grian licked his lips, as if they were dry. Mumbo noticed that Grian's chest was rising and falling slowly.

Grian leaned clumsily against Mumbo saying nothing. Grian then tilted his head to the side, a strange sort of curiosity and wonder in his eyes.

Mumbo mirrored his movements, not breaking eye contact. He couldn't. Even if he had wanted to, he wouldn't have been able to. He kinda…

Mumbo was unsure of who made the first move, who put their hand on the other's back, who breathed in before taking the plunge. Maybe they did it at the same time. Because suddenly, his body was once again pressed against Grian's, but this time they weren't dancing.

No, this time his lips were pressed against Grian's, as he felt Grian kiss him with a newfound hunger. As if he was starving, as if he couldn't keep himself back.

Mumbo slowly slid his hand up Grian's shirt, tracing his spine with his fingertips. He felt Grian gasp against his mouth, felt him tense up for a second before relaxing into Mumbo's touch.

A part of Mumbo knew he shouldn't be doing this– he knew he wouldn't be doing this if they weren’t so drunk. But they were. And they were too far gone to stop.

As if they would've wanted to stop.

Part of Mumbo was screaming at him, knowing that their friendship was too fragile for this, but he couldn’t find it in himself to care, not when Grian was holding on to him, refusing to let go.

He felt Grian's hands in his hair, and the last thing he could properly remember was Grian pulling them towards Mumbo's bedroom

#grian #mumbo jumbo #grumbo #hermitshipping #ariana griande #take my tea with formaldehyde (grumbo fic) #tmtwf #hermitcraft

[morvantmortuary]

not a big deal in the long term but still frustrating health stuff underneath:

so I’ve been stuck at home all day with the worst outbreak of eczema I’ve ever had!

on my face!!

I’d only ever gotten it in very small amounts before, usually something that I could dab vaseline on for a couple days and it would fade, or maybe bigger patches on my thighs during the summer, but never on my face :’D I woke up this morning and my eyes were almost swollen shut from itching in my sleep, I guess. not to mention the skin cracking like glass at the corners of my mouth.

they say it’s caused by stress, which I kind of get bc I have my first meeting with my full committee on friday, and I’m already feeling behind, and we’re two weeks from the end of the semester and I only have a year left of funding

on top of this, as I did my research trying to figure out what I could do to alleviate the symptoms, eating for eczema and eating for adhd/autism are apparently super incompatible!! most of my safe/comfort foods are apparently eczema triggers, and most of the foods you’re supposed to eat for eczema are either things I’m allergic to or things that it’s hard to make consistent sensory-wise. all my usual things I depend on to keep myself hydrated/dopamine boosted/not stressed out are, if not off the table, at least likely to make things worse, which doesn’t help when I’m trying to lower any anxiety that might be keeping the itch cycle going. it kind of doesn’t help that a lot of the eczema spaces I’ve seen on social apps and stuff seem to me kind of regurgitating a lot of diet culture/neurotypical assumptions in some of their rhetoric, which. does not contribute to me being able to relax if this is something I suddenly have to deal with to some degree long-term.

I was lucky enough to get a telehealth appointment with my doctor tomorrow, so hopefully she’ll give me something to take that can alleviate THE ITCHING my symptoms and make it so I feel a bit less like blotchy pink nosferatu. but it’s one of those things where I’m having to try really hard not to get more stressed when I was already lowkey constantly anxious about my work not going at the pace I wanted it to, with this check-in meeting at the end of the week with my whole committee that I haven’t seen in months, and now a whole lot of the things I’ve incorporated into my routine are suddenly something that might exacerbate my discomfort. which sucks!!

and for some reason I have cramps, which is also not helping!!

I’m lucky my bosses are understanding and letting me work remote right now, and I’m trying to ignore the overwhelming urge to take my cat and go stay with my folks for the last two weeks of the semester just so I can have some of the day to day stuff taken off my plate. but I don’t want to test my bosses’ patience that much, and that’s not an instinct I can sustain long term (at least probably not wherever I work next, which uhhhh may also be contributing to my constant anxiety humming in the background ngl.)

I have like three people I’ve been meaning to answer/message back, I’ve read everything and I promise I’m not ignoring anyone!! it’s just a little rough over here rn, like physically

oough what I wouldn’t give to see the hearse or the mustang outside my apartment rn. I just. would really like a break!! :’D

#and then rarae says #I feel like a vampire that took a blast of sunlight to the face :’D

[brandnewhuman]

Hey pookie it’s ya boy @what-are-you-willing-to-do I wanted to do a mash up 😍 

I’m 5’11 275 pounds so I’m a big bitch 😍. I’ve got really curly hair that I wanna dye half blonde. (Fun fact I want a mustache 😭) and I’m an INTP with a shit ton of anger issues. I have depression, severe adhd, social anxiety, ied and I’m getting screened for autism. I’m usually really sweet with people I don’t know like sickly sweet but around people I’m close with I’m really funny and raunchy. I usually try to be really serious but end up goofing off because that’s who I am. BIG METAL HEAD. I’ll send you my fucking playlist bro like fr- I’d like to dress up 80s trade goth but usually just go simple with a metal t shirt and jeans. And uh yeah that’s the basics knock yourself out 😍

(If your still doing them of course-)

I paired you up with...

♡ Michael Myers ♡

(Rz version)

ONE OF MY FELLOW GREMLIN COMRADE HAS REQUESTED A MATCHUP? FROM MOI? LET'S FUCKING GOOOOO

This unit of a man is a big stronk boy at the whopping height of 6'8. Personally, my size kink wouldn't allow me a single day of peace with someone like him

I thought about giving you Bo but it didn't end up convincing me as much as our myers babygirl here. I did a quick search and this version of Michael is a isfp which are likely to get along with your mbti type

About the anger issues this can seem like out of character but this Michael is the calmest out of all three but he does have his fair share of anger. I feel like he would understand more deeply how does it feels and in some way knows how to and to not react when you're angry, and even how to help you to calm down. He's as always a man of few (he doesn't talks) words but he communicates so much through small actions. Like I genuinely think his love language is being there when you feel the most sad or bad, doing what he wish someone would've done to him when he was feeling like shit.

You being sweet with people you don't know it's probably what saved you from being killed. This man has never known an ounce of actual kindness besides from his mom so to find someone who treats him like he's an actual human being with emotions is a pretty big deal. He knew he was gonna stick around the moment he first laid his eyes on you. Appreciates the funny side too, you kind of make him feel more alive and energetic. He likes the fact you trust him and like him enough to be this relaxed around him and even if you can't see it bc the mask he smiles quite a lot when he's around you

SEND ME YOUR PLAYLIST I WANNA SEEEE. Have you seen this man? You can not tell me he's not a metal head too, maybe he tends to like more classic rock but he enjoys how hard and aggressive metal music is. He will definitely pester you into listen to music with him and occasionally will come back home after killing with posters of your favourites for you. He finds music as a way to bond with you and tries to make you listen to songs that have some sort of meaning for him so you can get to know him without the need to get all personal

Help this man to dress better cause all that height and that pretty face deserve pretty outfits. Would love things like band tees or band sweaters ecc he really just allows you to do with him what you will as long as you don't try any funny business by pulling off his mask.

BRO I HOPE YOU LIKE IT. IM SORRY ITS TOO SHORT BUT I'VE TRIED MY BEST

Song recommendation time!!

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