#where they just write the ingredients on the bottom of the screen as it shows them cooking

[dick-helmet-magneto]

Cherik thought of the day

stay at home dad Erik being one of those people who has a youtube channel showing off recipes or cleaning videos. There’s never any talking or anything, just some chill music and domestic stuff.

#in other news #i've been recommended about 10 different german cooking channels recently #where they just write the ingredients on the bottom of the screen as it shows them cooking #and many more channels of people cleaning their houses #i think those are polish though? #a couple of them have spoken i'm not positive the language #cherik #Erik Lehnsherr #dadneto

[aethersea]

May I request 41 - First Kiss and 94 - Hair Brushing/Braiding for the Leverage OT3, please? (Also extra bonus points if you give Eliot beads in his hair like in The Ice Man Job, because we didn't get NEARLY enough of that in the show) Thank you!

I cannot believe I wrote this whole thing out and then never published it. I’m so sorry, it’s been at least twenty-four years since you sent in this ask, please accept my humble apologies and also this ficlet.

However, this prompt is just pure fluff, and I hate to tell you this but I am not a fluff writer. I just can’t pull off that unadulterated sweetness. I am in this fandom for the shenanigans, first, last and foremost! So this fic is now a 5+1 of Eliot and Parker trying to seduce Hardison.

1. Parker thinks they need to give him gifts, so she goes through her stash and picks out the largest, fanciest jewel she’s ever stolen. Then she realizes: Hardison likes stories. He spends hours giving their aliases histories and pets and allergies and favorite foods, he can get a whole sordid history of jealousy and betrayal from a single corporate email chain, and Parker knows for a cold fact that he writes little stories with his online friends about being wizards together.

She goes through her stash again and picks out the most cursed thing she’s ever stolen.

It’s a jeweled statuette, almost as tall as her forearm, made of gold and studded with precious and semi-precious stones. Mysterious deaths have befallen five separate owners of this thing. Its base is dented from the time it was used to bludgeon Owner Number Three to death. The tiny rubies it has for eyes follow you across the room.

Parker puts a bow on it and leaves it in Hardison’s room while he’s sleeping. He wakes up to this horrible little statue watching him from his bedside table.

He texts the group chat, Hey did anyone put an evil little gold guy in my bedroom last night? But Parker chickens out and says nothing (drunkenly betting Eliot that she can seduce Hardison is one thing, but admitting that she likes him is something else altogether). Everyone else texts back variations on “nope.” (Except Sophie, who just sends back a string of heart eyes emojis and a wikipedia link. She loves cursed artifacts.) So Hardison puts the statue away in a closet somewhere and figures he’ll deal with it later.

Parker is mildly offended that he put her gift in a closet. She goes into his room the next night and puts it back on the bedside table, where it clearly belongs.

This goes on for a week. Hardison puts the statue in a desk drawer, then in one of the cabinets in the office downstairs, then in the dumpster down the street. Every day he wakes up to those glittering red eyes watching him sleep. He’s asked his internet buddies if anyone knows a good exorcist. Hardison doesn’t really believe in curses, but also? What the fuck. What the fuck.

~

2. Eliot assumes the drunken bet will be forgotten by morning. What kind of world would it be if people always followed through on promises they made while they could barely stay vertical? So he spends the morning nursing his hangover and cleaning his knives. Cleaning guns is no good while hungover—all the snaps and clicks of popping things in and out of place sound like actual gunfire when you’re hungover, it’s a nightmare—but knives are quiet and have no moving parts. Buffing and polishing them is soothingly repetitive work, and every once in a while he can throw one at one of the dartboards on the walls and reassure himself that his reflexes are still sound even after that much tequila.

It’s only when he gets Hardison’s text about the golden statuette that magically appeared in his room overnight that Eliot realizes Parker’s actually going for it. After some internal debate about whether he’s going to stoop to this or not, Eliot decides what the hell and starts making plans.

Eliot agrees that gifts are the way to go, but not stolen gifts. Not things. Anyone can give a thing. Proper wooing is about giving experiences.

Eliot plans for three days. On the fourth day, he and Hardison have their irregularly scheduled monthly coffee date, and Eliot texts him beforehand to say he wants to do it at the brewpub this time. Hardison arrives to find a deceptively simple meal: basic country fare perfected through years of experimentation, made with the best ingredients Eliot can get his hands on. And Eliot, after all, is still a retrieval specialist. There’s very little in the world he can’t get his hands on.

And yet the night ends and somehow he has not gotten his hands on Hardison.

This is just not right. Eliot knows how to deploy a smolder, okay, Tangled reference aside he is damn good at flirting and he knows the looks he’s giving Hardison are clear as day. It’d be one thing if Hardison had turned him down, or if he’d been uneasily unwilling, or even if his eyes had widened slightly in suppressed panic and he’d abruptly found a reason to leave. Eliot can take rejection, bet or no, and he’d have bowed out graciously without a fuss. But this was much, much worse.

Hardison didn’t even notice he was flirting.

He’s going to have to up his game.

~

3. “How do you seduce people?” Parker asks bluntly, turning up at Sophie’s door just past midnight.

Sophie, despite the hour, is utterly delighted by the question.

This goes as well as you would expect.

~

4. Eliot’s taken a lot of dates to sports games. Hardison may prefer sparkly elves with purple lightning magic to a decent MMA fight, but baseball is the American pastime. Eliot gets them perfect seats, hot dogs from the best vendor in the stadium, even chilled beer that he smuggles in without letting it get warm. It’s going to be a perfect game.

And it is. At first. Hardison, it turns out, has a lot of opinions about baseball. What he does not have is an understanding of the rules. They’re not even into the second inning by the time Eliot finally snaps and starts arguing with him about it.

They make it all the way to the fifth inning before Eliot realizes that Hardison’s basing his complaints off the rules of a game from a Star Wars novel.

They’re at the bottom of the eighth before Eliot will speak to him again.

~

5. Eliot and Parker are drunk again. This is not intentional. They didn’t even mean to come to this bar, but the smoothie place with the fried oreos that Eliot had brought Parker here to try was playing such incredibly bad music that they’d ordered the oreos to go and fled. The bar was just the coziest looking place on the block, and of course they’d ordered drinks to avoid being rude––Eliot had entertained himself for a few minutes scouring the menu for something that would pair well with fried oreos and popcorn chicken.

And now they’re drunk. The conversation has, perhaps inevitably, turned to the ongoing bet.

“I tried everything!” Parker wails. “I laughed at every joke, I touched my hair constantly, I got him talking about things he likes.” She thunks her forehead on the bar. “All that happened is now I know the complete history of orcs in western literature.”

“Hardison wouldn’t know flirting if it pinched him on the ass,” Eliot grumbles.

Parker slaps his arm. “No pinching Hardison!”

“I’m not going to—I don’t pinch people!”

Parker’s ignoring him. Eliot pouts and takes another sip of his drink. He’s not entirely sure what this one is––it’s blue and kind of fizzy, that’s all he can say for sure. Parker took over the drinks menu several glasses ago, and she’s been picking them based on what has the most fun name to say. Eliot’s pretty sure the alcohol content’s been doubling with each order.

“Eliot,” Parker slurs, “we need to work together.”

“What?”

Parker lifts her head from the bar and frowns at him, the way she does when she’s figured out the obvious solution and is just waiting for everyone else to get on the same page. It’s adorable. It’s always adorable, but right now her eyes are wide and slightly unfocused from the alcohol and she’s listing sideways a little, almost as if she’s unbalanced, and it is the most adorable thing Eliot has ever seen. Parker’s never unbalanced, but some part of Eliot’s fuzzy brain thinks she’s about to fall on top of him and cannot wait to catch her.

“You can’t seduce Hardison,” Parker points out. Eliot is drunk enough to get offended by this, but too drunk to get out a complaint before she continues, “I can’t seduce Hardison. But if we work together, the two of us can definitely seduce Hardison. Together.”

Eliot stares at her. Then he takes another sip of his fizzy blue drink. Later, when questioned, he will blame his next words on that drink.

“Worth a shot.”

They take Hardison to a movie. They research for three weeks beforehand. They find the best movie theater in town, with the nicest seats, the biggest screens, and concession snacks that Hardison likes, and they buy tickets for the midnight premiere of the superhero movie that Hardison hasn’t shut up about for the past month. Parker even hacks into the theater’s computers in a last-minute fit of nerves and cross-references the credit cards with drivers’ licenses to make sure the people sitting in front of them won’t be too tall.

Parker witnesses a kidnapping in the parking lot while the boys are getting popcorn. They don’t even stay long enough to catch the commercials.

~

+ 1. “Hey Eliot,” Hardison says during movie night, a little over a week later. “Remember the Ice Man Job?”

Eliot groans. “I try not to.”

Hardison throws a piece of popcorn at his face. “Shut up. Remember how you did your hair for that one? With the little—those little beads on, like, a braid?”

Eliot shoots Hardison a suspicious glance. “Yeah, I remember.”

“Teach me how to do that.”

Eliot shoots Hardison another, more deliberate look, this one pointedly directed at Hardison’s complete lack of braidable locks.

Hardison rolls his eyes as if that’s a silly detail to get hung up on and leans forward to dig around in one of the boxes he has under his coffee table. He emerges with a ziplock bag of plastic beads in no time flat and hands it triumphantly to Eliot. Then he yanks a few cushions out from behind Parker, who’s sitting on his other side, and puts them on the floor in front of him. “Sit here?” he asks Parker, patting the cushion pile.

Parker takes a moment to consider being offended at having her cushions stolen, but curiosity gets the better of her and she just plops down between Hardison’s legs, grabbing the bowl of popcorn as she goes, and waits.

Hardison lifts her hair with sudden gentleness, drawing it over her shoulders and letting it fall down her back in a golden wave. His fingers brush against her neck. Parker shivers. Eliot is distantly aware that he’s gone perfectly still, focused with a hunter’s intensity on Hardison’s dark, graceful fingers carding through Parker’s hair.

Hardison leans back, hands on his knees, and Eliot breathes again. “Well?” Hardison looks over at Eliot, a tiny smirk of challenge on his lips. “Show me how it’s done.”

Eliot is suddenly, brutally aware of how close they are. Hardison’s couch is obscenely comfortable, which is half the reason movie nights are at Hardison’s in the first place, but it is not large. Their thighs are touching. Hardison leans away, to give Eliot access to Parker’s hair, and he’s still so close that Eliot would barely have to reach out a hand to—

Eliot ruthlessly shoves that thought down into the dark where it belongs. He dealt with this, he dealt with this years ago, and accepting Parker’s stupid bet doesn’t mean he’s forgotten the way Hardison and Parker look at each other. It just means he doesn’t mind losing for a good cause.

So he keeps his tone steady and his fingers brisk as he shows Hardison how to braid the clunky plastic beads into Parker’s hair, and if he flushes with heat when their hands brush each other, well, nobody has to know. He’s been trained to withstand eight different schools of torture. It won’t show on his face. His voice never once falters.

Parker has had no such training. Her lips have parted, and her breathing is shallow. She’s staring glassy-eyed at the TV. Hardison can’t see her face, sitting behind her, but Eliot watches her carefully, worried that they need to call this off. Parker’s not used to intimacy, to closeness that means something, and for all the three of them have spent half their movie nights literally on top of each other, this is something else. This has weight.

Eliot puts a hand on her shoulder, pressing down just enough that Parker startles and cants a glance over at him. Eliot raises his eyebrows in question, and Parker glares back: don’t you fucking dare. Eliot backs off. Hardison, frowning in concentration as he threads a wisp of Parker’s hair through a green bead, graciously pretends he didn’t see the exchange.

Hardison gets the hang of the beading fairly quickly, and Eliot shows him a few different techniques. He’s almost managed to convince himself that nothing is actually happening when Hardison says, conversationally, “You two are really bad at this.”

Eliot glowers his confusion. “At movie night? You started this, if you wanted to actually watch Alien then you shouldn’t have—”

Hardison’s smile is soft, but Eliot decides for his own safety to focus on the laughter at its edge. “No, at this.” And then he slides his hand onto Parker’s neck, caresses her cheek, and isn’t the slightest bit surprised when she gasps.

Parker whips around, and there’s hurt on her face but it dies in the glow of Hardison’s gentle, unteasing smile. Hardison pulls her up with the lightest of touches, and she goes, eyes fixed on his like salvation.

They kiss sweet and slow, and Eliot’s heart twists in his chest and he can’t breathe. He needs to leave now before he shatters in half, but if he moves then they will look at him, and he would rather never breathe again than meet their eyes right now.

Hardison breaks off the kiss, gazing at Parker with something just this side of wonder, and then he does look at Eliot. Eliot flinches. He opens his mouth to…say something, make some joke or hasty excuse and scramble out the door, but Hardison raises a hand to Eliot’s face, slides his long fingers to cup Eliot’s neck, and pulls him forward, as gently as he did Parker.

It’s a chaste kiss, no more than a soft press of lips, because Eliot is too stunned to respond and Hardison doesn’t push. It lasts a long time. A whole era of change happens in the span of that kiss, as everything Eliot thought he knew tears out of place and then settles, gingerly, into a new understanding.

Hardison pulls away, his hand still warm on the back of Eliot’s neck. His smile is pure sunshine. Eliot finds himself smiling back, helpless.

Hardison’s grin turns smug. “And that,” he says, looking between Eliot and Parker, “is how you do it. Y’all are disasters, honestly, I can’t believe two master criminals working together couldn’t manage a single real date—”

Eliot heaves a deep sigh and drags Hardison into a headlock, pinning his arms when he flails. Parker surges to her knees and starts tickling him mercilessly.

They don’t finish the movie.

#finx writes #I didn't quite get Eliot's hair in there but I hope this works anyway #leverage #leverage fic #leverage ot3

[project-pnf-404]

Checkpoint and important updates 2!!: Electric boogaloo!!

Heyo guys!! Long time no talk. So, I’ve got some cool update stuff to show you guys. I’ve been doing a lot of blog “housekeeping” since the end of the last event. (don’t worry it hopefully won’t be boring update stuff lmao as it includes some new supplementary content). So, first and foremost, thanks to the inspiration from @koppais-smallest-nerd I’d like to let you guys know that I am now adding screen reader access to all future posts!!! This one included. At the bottom of each post under the, “read more”, image descriptions for all images will be added! Screen reader accessibility will also be added to all previous asks on the blog. However, getting through all of them will take a tiny bit. As, of this update, the first 4 asks have had image descriptions added. As well as all the supplementary content in between where applicable.

I’d also like to show you guys some supplementary content for the blog. Between these dashed lines are in character day 1 log entries written by the rest of the crew. 

———————————————

———————————————

I originally wasn’t sure if I wanted to put these extra day 1 logs on the main blog or not. But, I’ve decided that all supplementary content that may be story related will remain on the main blog for the foreseeable future, while BTS content will end up on PNF-404-Plus.

That being said since the end of the 1st event and my time away from the blog a lot has been going on when it comes to the blog.

For one the entire desktop version of the blog has had a large overhaul. A new theme has been added to the main page.

But, not only that but new side pages with supplementary content have been added!! This includes an event list, a bio page for the crew members of the S.S Drake, a Piklopedia page for the new Piklopedia, and a music page to top it all off!!

The Event List will show each new event as they are added! You can click on the current known events to go directly to all posts tagged with that event tag. Speaking of which all Event 01 posts have now had their tags updated with the Event 01 tag making it much easier to navigate.

The new Crew Members page has bios for all the members currently on the mission or known in the story so far! These Bios are pretty in line with cannon with some fanon, and light headcanon added  in for good measure. I recommend taking a look as it does have some interesting info in there. Also quick note: all of these bios are written as if it is prior to the beginning of the blog.

Then there’s the Piklopedia!! Here you can read each of their findings as they explore PNF-404! Currently the findings will be on each area they explore (not each creature they find) as they haven’t found any new creatures yet. There is also a map of places they’ve discovered and more!

Lastly, a new music page has been added. On this page, I’ve created event-inspired music playlists. Some of the songs have been mentioned in the past. But, here you can listen to them all in one place and see which songs are for which part of the events. As well there’s a secret songs playlist. This playlist has nothing to do with the blog directly but is filled with music given to me by people I’ve met from this community while I’ve been here!! Currently, there are 5 songs there, however, there will be more added in the future! What makes it secret is that you won’t know who gave me the song XD. (well unless you’re the one who gave me the song lmao) who knows if you’ve ever shared music with me before you may find your song there!! (There is also one song I’m sharing with you guys in there too so have fun figuring that out lmao. )

As well the table of contents has been once again updated with a lot of this new stuff as well as some other new information!! As for mobile users as of now, all of this is on separate Tumblr pages. However, in the near future, I will be uploading much of this stuff , such as the Piklopedia entries and Crew Bio’s, as individual posts! However, in the meantime, if you feel like you can always check out these pages on your phone browser instead if you’re a mobile-exclusive user. (Though some pages don’t look as good on phone)

Welp, I think that’s it as far as updates go!! I should be back with brand new ask posts soon (likely within the next week or so!) so keep a look out!! I’ll see ya guys again soon and thanks for reading!!!

{{ Screen reader image description is under “read more”}}

In the first image,  Alph’s Day 1 Log entry is shown. His log says, “To think I thought the first day would go well. Then again I didn’t think I would get sucked out of the ship either so maybe I should stop being so surprised. At the very least Louie and I were able to find our way back despite some obstacles and I was able to fix the ship in time. Though if it weren’t for Chunks we would have never found the pikmin we did. That little guy sure saved the day. 

However, Then there's what happened to Brittany… To see her in a situation like that... I can’t even bear to think about it. Tomorrow I will be checking over the entirety of the Drake to make sure a crash like that doesn't happen again. I can't help but think that the crash was due to me overlooking something during maintenance... However, The only thing I can do now is to make sure something like this never happens again for all our sake, especially Brittanys’. “ It is then sighed by Alph

In the second Image Charlies Day 1 Log entry can be read it says, “I should have been on top of things. As this crew’s captain, everything that went wrong was under my watch and things should have gone much smoother. That being said I am very glad that all of my crew have made it out alive. Though I am still worried about Brittany. If only I was able to keep her safe…

 But, at this point, we all must press forward. We have a task to complete and after seeing how devastated some areas are, we must get to the bottom of what’s wrong with PNF-404. Nothing will get in my way, not with my steely fists that is!!” It is then signed by  Charlie

In the third image Louies’ day 1 log entry can be seen it says, 

“

Going back to the pikmin planet wasn’t at the top of my list of things I thought I’d be doing anytime soon. Yet somehow I find myself back here and stranded again…. At least I wasn’t fully alone this time…

Alph and I eventually found a pikmin that we later named Chunks. He sure acts differently in comparison to any other Pikmin I’ve seen before. But, even still, if it weren’t for Chunks, we wouldn’t have been able to help Brittany or find any other pikmin for that matter. So, we should thank him for that.” It is then signed by Louie

In the fourth image the updated version of the Project: PNF-404 Tumblr is shown. It now has a bright cyan futuristic aesthetic to it. In the fifth image a picture of the new events page, listing all the past and future events planned so far is shown. It has 1 known event Titled Event 01. The other 3 are titled Event unknown. In the sixth image, the new crew members’ character page is shown. A picture of Olimar is shown along with a description of his traits and a biography. It reads as follows, 

CAPTAIN OLIMAR

AGE 38

ALIAS(ES)Olimar

SPECIES Hocotatian

GENDER Male

TITLE(S) Employee of Hocotate Freight, Xenobiologist

AFFILIATION Hocotate Freight, Planet Hocotate Government

Fatherly, well-meaning, and resourceful, for an almost 40 year old Hocotatian he has a lot of bravery and guts. Olimar first and foremost loves his family and cares deeply for others around him. A Hardworking employee of Hocotate Freight and family man, Olimar tends to try and stay level-headed while looking out for others.

Having been one of the first to visit the Pikmin planet Olimar has extensive knowledge of the planet's life. Lucky for him he just so happens to have gone to college for xenobiology. Many of his findings can be found within his many log entries known as the Piklopedia.

But, for as much as Olimar tends to be on top of things, his trips to the pikmin planet have had him face many dangers and life-threatening events. Though these issues are not something he brings up…

In the seventh image, The new Piklopidea page is shown, In one section it displays a map of PNF-404 with 2 marked locations. The first of which is highlighted in blue is named the “Silent Stream” the second, is highlighted in orange, Its title is “Glacial Gardens”. To the right of that is a description introduction for the Piklopedia. It says” To help ensure the progress and success of this mission all crew members must write down their findings in this log. Overview: 

CAPTAIN Olimar: Writes In-depth biological analysis of fauna and how the ecosystem affects said fauna.

LOUIE: Writes about Recipes and ingredients that can be found in each area. ALPH: Looks at the area with the eyes of an engineer. He uses this insight to discuss the benefits and flaws of what he’s analyzing. BRITTANY: Uses her botanist skills to look into the flora of the area along with talking about the aesthetics of things and adding in her own general opinions.

CAPTAIN CHARLIE: Writes about combat strategy and how one can use the environment in an area for a tactical advantage.

To the left is a map showing the current locations discovered by the crew. The one highlighted in orange has yet to be explored.

The final image shows the new music page! 6 playlists can be selected on the left each having 5 songs. To the right is an image of the event 01 cover art. With (from left to right), Brittnay, Charlie, Olimar, Louie, and Alph all looking up with a distressed expression on their faces. 

END ID

#pikmin #supplementary content #alph #louie #charlie #ooc #Event 01 #not an ask #update #man why are my posts always so long XD #I’m writing most of this in the middle of the night I’m really tired #tomorrow imma look at this and be like what the heck did I write lmao

[datk-popblog]

Imagine...

NCT Dream as Your Boyfriend

(not a request! I thought I’d do a little write write for you guys haha❤️)

Renjun:

He’s such a loving boyfriend. Like he’d do anything to show his affection for/towards you.

Whenever he’s super busy with comebacks or just work in general; he’ll ALWAYS make up for it.

Like for example. If he missed 5 days to spend time with you, he would spend 5 days on little dates with you. It’s the little things he does.

The boys always mention how much he talks about you and omg he gushes everytime.

“What can I say? I’m obsessed with her!”

Cute little nicknames for you like “lovely,” “Buggy bear,” “Honey bee,” and “Doll face”

He likes to make you dinner a lot. Like a lot a lot.

“This is the fourth time you’ve made me dinner in the same week, babe.” “I can’t let my wifey starve!”

He was the type to get your relationship very open to the members but very secret in public.

Renjun always wants to protect you from the hateful critics and what they have to say about your guy’s relationship.

When it came to meeting each other’s parents; man oh man he was a wreck.

“Are they gonna like me? Especially your dad! I have to look very clean and nicely dressed. I can’t look like a jerk!”

He wouldn’t shut up about how nervous he was gonna be the entire ride. It got so bad it started making you overwhelmed and nervous😭

On his days off, he literally took you anywhere you wanted to go.

The spa? He’d get a mani pedi to pamper himself too because he’s a supportive boyfriend so why tf not.

Even dates to the amusement park? Like one day he’d be like “it’s my day off, so, let’s go to the park.”

Even dates to South Korea’s fanciest restaurants like omg.

THIS BOY LOVES TF OUT OF YOU ITS BEYOND.

When it’s sexy time, he knows what you like and how you like it delivered.

One day he found out you can squirt and he’s literally been making you squirt over and over ever since.

Yeah, Renjun looks very innocent on the outside with a dash of glitter to him; but when you two are alone he MANHANDLES the fuck out of you.

Sometimes he doesn’t mean to hurt you. He just is really rough and it comes off super duper aggressive.

After sexy time, he ALWAYS ALWAYS makes sure to nut in your mouth. Whatever position you guys are in, he’ll turn you around or stand you up.

He just loves watching his liquids drip from your lips. He gets off looking at it.

After sex, he’d cuddle you so so hard. Like he’d fuck the hell out of you, but wants to be little spoon? Like dude wtf

“I love you soooo much my lovely.”

Ugh omg just hold this boy and cherish him

Jeno:

He’s such a tease boyfriend and it SHOWS.

He likes to brag about how hot you two look together (and y’all do look hot PAUSE)

“That’s my baby. Her fine self!”

He enjoys bringing you to his practices. He knows you like to watch him dance

Sometimes you’ll be there at the studio for hours and you’ll get super tired.

“I’m sorry I’m taking long baby girl. We’ll be home together soon.” He’d tell you then go back to practicing

The one special thing about Jeno is that he’s soooo reassuring. From little compliments to accomplishments.

He loves to praise you for how much you’ve done and how good you take care of him

“I love you so much. You’ve done everything for me.”

Like if you passed a test or something from school, he’d take you on a date.

Even if you didn’t pass the test he’d still treat you because he loves you so much!

Jeno likes to leave little love notes around your guy’s room. It’s like a scavenger hunt. You’ll find them behind the tv, under your pillow and bed, in your shirt drawer. Literally everywhere.

When it came to announcing your relationship to the world, he wasn’t afraid. He did NOT care at all. Regardless of what the company said. SM told him to wait at least one year and he did it after 6 months.

“I know you’re meant to be my forever. I can feel it in my heart, babe. I know you are.”

When it came to sex, he was super super sweet and slow. He loved taking his time with you. He wasn’t dominant but was when it was the right time.

Lovesssssssss to suck your toes.(IK ITS WEIRD BUT HE LOVES IT!!!!) He loves tf out of your feet???

For your guy’s first time, Jeno put roses on the bed and serenaded you with a guitar and literally had you meLTINGGG.

“I love you so much. Whenever you’re ready; I’m ready.”

He liked for you to be dominant sometimes but would never force you. He never forces you into doing stuff you never wanna do; especially during sex (or in general)

After sexy time, it was shower time together.

You both just hugged one another in the shower and let the water run over you both. And during all this, his thick arms just embraced your frame.

When you were in his arms you felt loved and at home.

“You know I love you right?” “You tell me all the time, Jeno. I’m aware.” “I just love saying it.”

(Jeno is my bias so this made me feel so lonely writing his section. I hate it here😭)

Haechan:

Haechan is known as the sassy one but in the relationship that’s literally how he is. It’s the Gemini in him.

Don’t be surprised if sometimes he has an attitude. He just had a bad day at work.

“I don’t mean to yell or snap at you. You know I love you, baby.” And he’d hold you so so tight

You guys wouldn’t ever argue sometimes but if you did you both would ignore each other.

Then the other mates would have to fix the issue with you both.

“If you guys don’t stop with the petty shit!” -Renjun

Haechan LOVES your kisses.

If you didn’t kiss him in a certain amount of time he’d fake cry and stomp his feet.

“Jagi~~!! I need your kis-“ “omg there. Be quiet”

When he was gone for work (for literal months) it was so hard for you guys to maintain a good long distance relationship.

You guys would FaceTime all the time but it was never the same because you wanted him in person.

“I don’t know the next time I’m able to see your face. I miss you a lot though, baby girl.”

You would see Haechan all the time and how good he was doing on the web but omg YOU MISSED YOUR BABY

Occasionally he’d come back home and stay with you for as long as he needed to.

“You should travel with me and sing with the group. A female touch would be awesome.” “Haechan, I love you, but I’m not singing with 127.”

Soon enough he convinced SM to bring you wherever he went so now you’re with the boys. All. The. Time.

“You’re my new assistant, Y/N. I demand a bottle of water.” “Kiss my ass, Haechan”

SEXY time with Haechan ooooooo chile

He likes to lift you up and hold you against the wall and kiss your neck.

Or even doggy style. Haechan just loves the view from the back.

Whenever he hits it from the back, he digs his fingers right at the bottom of your back. Or even grabs your shoulders to go in deeper.

You only know when he’s close when his body starts slowing down and you feel his body jerk.

“I wanna nut in you so badly, Y/N!” “Well don’t do that.”

Eventually he nutted in you and you had to take a plan B. So that’s that

“I told you not to do that to me, babe.” “I couldn’t just hold it back. It came out.”

After 10 months of dating, he bought you a promise ring. Seems quick but he KNEW it was meant to be. He’s not letting you go; no matter what.

“Soon, I’m gonna turn that ring into an engagement ring.” Haechan smiles

Jaemin:

I don’t think I’ve ever seen someone more affectionate than Na Jaemin

He’s such a loving boyfriend like super loving

Before you would go to work, he would pack your lunch and make sure to add little hearts and notes in your lunch-bag

His little notes would say something like: “I love you so much my honey bear,” “Have an amazing day at work. DONT overwork yourself.”

LITERALLY SO AFFECTIONATE

If you went somewhere without him, he would be a little offended but would end his disagreement w/ a “text me when you get there. I love you.”

and holy fuck if you did NOT text him, he’d lose his mind

you guys have each other’s locations

THATS WHEN YOU KNOW ITS REAL AND LEGIT

when Jisung was around, it was literally a competition for whoever gets Jaemin first.

Jaemin would occasionally pick Jisung over you. He’s fake and it shows

“where’s all the love and attention I need?” You call out.

“Baby, you have to wait your turn.” -Jaemin

when you guys argued, he would literally feel so guilty. especially if you had reasons to be pissed off.

like you would have receipts and he’d just cry. not to play victim, but because he wouldn’t ever want to hurt you emotionally, or physically.

“I’m really sorry...I promise I won’t do it again.”

he made it up by kissing you endlessly.

sexy time with Jaemin was everything you desired it to be

little comments in-between sex like: “i love you princess,” or “do i make you feel good?” 

UGH WE LOVE TO SEE IT

okay but Jaemin is more of the submissive type. he rarely gets dominant with you.

“i’m tired of riding you jaemin. my legs hurt.” “don’t worry, babe. lay down.”

like he KNOWS how to put it down

like he knows what he be doing too like wtf man

Jaemin makes dinner practically every night. this man is never not cooking.

“do you want pork or soup tonight?” “how about pork IN the soup?” “Y/N, I love your thinking.”

HE EVEN MAKES SURE YOU HAVE A NAPKIN ON YOUR LAP SO YOU DON’T SPILL ANYTHING HOT ON YOURSELF

Jaemin as your boyfriend>>>>>>anything else

Chenle:

HE IS SOOOO LOVING!!!!!!!

Chenle likes to wake you up with breakfast in bed

even though sometimes he can burn the food or miss an ingredient

“how does it taste, baby girl?” you smiled and kissed him

“I LOVE IT!”

Chenle was very very giving

he would always buy you something (RICH CHENLE CHECK)

little trips to the mall, coffee shops, jewelry stores

“babe do you want this?” “Chenle, I don’t need-” “Grab it. I’ll get it for you”

he brags to the dreamies about you ALLLLLL THEEEEEE TIMEEEEE

“you see Y/N as my lock-screen? isn’t she so frickn beautiful!”

“Chenle, you’ve mentioned Y/N about a hundred times” -Haechan

“And I don’t regret it.”

if you guys are far away from each other he’ll always ft you. there’s never not one day he’s not talking to you

“holy shit. I miss you so much. I’m going insane!” “Chenle, it’s just three more weeks.” “I can’t even go 3 minutes without thinking about you.”

since you guys have a studio apartment together in South Korea, he does surprise pop up visits

he’ll literally be sitting on the couch and scare the shit out of you

“Chenle, you didn’t tell me when you were gonna be home!” “I thought I’d surprise you when you come home from work.”

When he came home, you guys made love. Like he was holding it in for YEARS!!!

Chenle is rough af when the times right. Like especially when he hasn’t seen you in so long.

“Tell me when to slow down. I don’t wanna hurt you.” He whispers in your ear

He likes to kiss your neck and leave hickies when he’s on top. HE ENJOYS LEAVING MARKS ON YOU

He’s very demanding

“Tell me you love me. Tell me, Y/N. Say it, baby.”

Sometimes he gets tired and makes you ride him. And when you slow down, he grabs the fUCK OUT OF YOUR HIPS

“Chenle, I cant go any faster. My thighs hurt.” “Here let me help you.” AND BOOM. HES ON BEAST MODE

As soon as you guys finish, he cuddles you so hard and rubs your booty. He doesn’t care to put boxers on after sex because he’s just so comfortable

“That was so amazing. When’s the last time we’ve done something that well together?” “Chenle, I don’t know. You’ve been gone for 3 months.”

“Yeah but how’d you get so well.” “Chenle what?!”😭😭

If you guys rest long enough; he goes for round two. There’s nothing holding this kid back. HE WILL FUCK THE SHIT OUT OF YOU BC HE MISSED YOU

If you guys ever have small arguments it would literally be for five minutes and boom. You guys are best friends????

he hates arguing with you because he feels it’s a “waste of time” and it “emotionally hurts the relationship”

which he’s not wrong because who would want their relationship ruined on stupid arguments

“Y/N quit ignoring me and make out with me.”

This KIDS ALWAYS IN THE MOOD FOR YOU

he’s just never around you anymore so it’s just a bunch of orgasms built up

Chenle is awesome in all the right ways. This kid is the best boyfriend.

Jisung:

I’m pretty sure Jisung has told you and other people hundreds of times he’s gonna marry you.

“you have no idea how much I fucking I adore you, Y/N.”

yeah he’s the baby of the group, but you’re HIS baby.

“Jagi! You have to eat something! I’m not letting you go anywhere til you eat!”

he’s very very caring. sometimes he doesn’t show it in a talking way, but through his actions; it speaks so much louder.

Jisung can be a little awkward sometimes. especially around the members.

If you were to kiss him when the dreamers were there, he would get super red and would be on hush mode.

“Jagiiiii~ You aren’t supposed to do that. You know how I feel.” “But you and I both know how much you love it.” You smiled

when he first met your family, he was very scared. I mean like sweating through his dress shirt scared.

“Jisung, baby. they’re gonna like you a lot, okay? Don’t be so nervous.” “Yeah, but what if they ask me a question and I don’t respond? Imagine if your dad asks me what my intentions are with you? What the fuck am I gonna say?”

DONT WORRY. HE KNOWS WHAT TO SAY HES JUST SCARED AF I-

he literally shakes when he meets your mom but not your dad???

after he met the fam, they loved him a lot

Jisung is the sweetest person how can anyone NOT love him. like cmon

when you guys came out to the public, he took you E V E R Y W H E R E

and i mean everywhere

You were his date to music awards, debut stages, game/talk shows, etc.

Jisung loved bringing you everywhere with him. He says it makes him feel safe and at home every time he’s with you

(i wish someone felt that way about me. ima cry)

(this next part im NOT getting into detail. ik how lots of you feel about baby Jisung therefore it’ll be not so r-rated)

love making with Jisung is the softest thing ever.

before he does ANYTHING to your body, he ALWAYS makes sure you’re okay with it.

“Baby, you know I’ll always put your feelings first. I love you.”

He wasn’t rough(unless you asked or begged) he was always gentle

whenever he was on top, he liked to bury his face into your neck and give you neck kisses and soft nip at your ear

whenever you rode him, he’d just grab your hips and does the work for you. he knows how tiring it can be for your thighs so he goes all out by helping

his soft mOANS ARE TO DIE FOR. like literally he lets loose when it’s private time

moral of the story; find yourself a Jisung bc you won’t regret it.

----

It’s been WAY too long since I posted. I’ve been working full-time at my job now and saving up for a car ! Im super excited for myself guys omgggg. I missed you guys so so much

xoxo Jay

#nct #nct dream #nct dream reactions #NCT Dream Scenarios #NCT 127 #nct u #nct jeno #nct jaemin #nct jisung #nct chenle #nct renjun #nct haechan #nct dream renjun #nct dream jisung #nct dream haechan #NCT Dream Jaemin #nct dream jeno #nct dream chenle #nct scenarios #nct reactions

[rocknvaughn]

New Colin Morgan Interview with Edge Media Network about Benjamin - UPDATED

I am reblogging this because, after the author was made aware of an error in the posting of his article (if anyone clicked through to read it on the site, there was a whole question and answer that was repeated), the error was corrected and another three questions and answers were added! I am correcting it here, but they were very interesting, so I suggest you read the full article again!

I shall post the link at the bottom, but I wanted to type it out so that non-English speakers could more easily translate it. (This article was listed in their “Gay News” section of the site, hence the focus on the gay roles.)

British Actor Colin Morgan: How the Queerly Idiosyncratic ‘Benjamin’ Spoke to Him

by Frank J. Avelia

In writer-director Simon Amstell’s sweet, idiosyncratic, semi-autobiographical comedy, “Benjamin,” Colin Morgan plays the titular character, an insecure filmmaker trying to resuscitate his waning career (at least it’s waning in his mind) after one major cine-indie success. Benjamin is also doing his best to navigate a new relationship with a young French musician (Phenix Brossard of “Departures”).

Thanks to the truly endearing, multifaceted talents of Morgan, Benjamin feels like an authentic creation--one that most audiences can empathize with. Sure, he’s peculiar, has a legion of self-esteem issues and an almost exasperating need for acceptance as well as an inconvenient talent to self-sabotage the good in his life. But who can’t relate to some or all of that?

“Benjamin” is one of the better queer-themed films to come out in recent years, in large part because it eschews emphasis on the queer nature of the story. Instead, the film is a fascinating character study with Morgan slowly revealing layers and unpacking Benjamin’s emotional baggage.

Morgan is a major talent who has been appearing across mediums in Britain for many years. His London theatre debut was in DBC Pierre’s satire, “Vernon God Little” (2007), followed by the stage adaptation of Pedro Almodovar’s “All About My Mother” (2007), opposite Diana Rigg. Numerous and eclectic stage work followed (right up until the Corona shutdown) including Pedro Miguel Rozo’s “Our Private Life” (2011), where he played a bipolar gay, Jez Butterworth’s dark comedy, “Mojo” (2013), Arthur Miller’s “All My Sons” opposite Sally Field (2019), and Caryl Churchill’s “A Number” (2020), to name a few.

His TV work includes, “Merlin” (playing the wizard himself), “Humans” and most recently, in a very memorable episode of “The Crown”. Onscreen he can be seen in “Testament of Youth”, “Legend” with Tom Hardy, “Snow White and the Huntsman” and Rupert Everett’s take on Oscar Wilde, “The Happy Prince.”

He’s played a host of gay roles in the past on stage, screen and TV.

EDGE recently interviewed the star of “Benjamin” about the new film and his career.

Why Benjamin?

EDGE: What drew you to this project and were you part of its development?

Colin Morgan: It’s always the strength of the script for me on any project and Simon’s script was just so well observed, he managed to combine humor and poignancy in delicate measure and when I first read it I found myself being both tickled and touched. Then reading it again and from “the actor” POV... I knew it would be a real challenge and uncharted territory for me to explore. I auditioned for Simon and we tried it in different ways and then when I was lucky enough for Simon to want me on board, we began to work through the script together, because it was clear that this was going to be a very close working relationship... it was important for the level of trust to be high.

EDGE: I appreciated that this was a queer love story where the character’s queerness wasn’t the main focus. Was that also part of the allure of the project?

CM: I think Benjamin’s sexuality is just quite naturally who he is and therefore that’s a given, we’re on his journey to find meaning and love and there’s certainly a freshness to what Simon has written in not making sexuality the main focus.

Great chemistry

EDGE: Can you speak a but about the process involved in working with Amstell on the character and his journey?

CM: Simon and me worked very closely over a period of weeks, at that time prior to shooting I was doing a theatre project not far from where he lived so I would go to him and rehearse and discuss through the whole script all afternoon before going to do the show that night, so that worked out well. It’s so personal to Simon, and to have had him as my guide and source throughout was fantastic because I could ask him all the questions and he could be the best barometer for the truth of the character; a rare opportunity for an actor and one that was so essential for building Benjamin. But ultimately Simon wanted Benjamin to emerge from somewhere inside me and he gave me so much freedom to do that also.

EDGE: You had great chemistry with Phenix Brossard. Did you get to rehearse?

CM: Phenix is fantastic, Simon and me did chemistry reads with a few different actors who were all very good but Phenix just had an extra something we felt Benjamin would be drawn to. We did a little bit of rehearsal together but because it was a relationship that was trying to find itself there was a lot of room for spontaneity and uncertainty between us, which is what the allure of a new relationship is all about, the excitement and fear.

Liberating process

EDGE: Did your process meld with Amstell’s?

CM: I’ve said this a lot before and it’s true, Simon is one of the best directors I’ve worked with. Everything he created before shooting and then maintained on set was special. We always did improvised versions of most scenes and always the scripted version too. It was such a creative and liberating process. That is exactly the way I love to work. And for a director to maintain that level of bravery, trust and experimental play throughout the whole shoot stands as one of the most rewarding shooting experiences I’ve had.

EDGE: When I spoke with Rupert Everett about “The Happy Prince,” he very proudly boasted about his ensemble. Can you speak about working with Rupert as he balanced wearing a number of creative hats?

CM: Again, this was an extremely rewarding project to work on and quite a similar relationship as with Simon in the respect that Rupert was the writer/director and Oscar Wilde is so personal to him. And then we also had many scenes together in front of the camera, so Rupert and me had a real 3D experience together. It was a long time in the making. I was on board, I think, two years before we actually got shooting so I had a lot of time to work with Rupert and rehearse. He really inspired me, watching him wear all the different creative hats, such a challenging and difficult job/jobs to achieve and he really excelled--plus we just got on very well.

Playing queer roles

EDGE: You haven’t shied away from playing queer roles. Do you think we’re moving closer to a time when a person’s sexual orientation is of little consequence to the stories being told, or should it always matter? Or perhaps we need to continue to evolve as a culture for it to matter less or not at all...

CM: That’s a hard question to answer, I think certainly the shift in people’s attitudes has changed considerably for the better compared to 40 years ago, but there will always be resistance to change and acceptance from individuals and groups whether it be sexuality, religion, race, gender--we’re seeing it every day.

Evolution is, of course, inevitable, but if we can learn from the past as we evolve that would be the ideal. Unfortunately, we rarely do learn, and history repeats itself.

EDGE: You were featured prominently in one of my favorite episodes of the “The Crown” (”Bubbikins”) as the fictional journo John Armstrong. Can you speak a bit about working on the show and with the great Jane Lapotaire?

CM: I had an exceptionally good time working on “The Crown.” Director Benjamin Caron, especially, was so prepared and creative, and made the whole experience so welcoming and inclusive. It was an incredibly happy set, with extremely talented people in every department, and I admired the ethos of the whole production and have no doubt that’s a huge ingredient to its success, along with Peter Morgan’s incredible writing.

I was also a fan of the show, and it was an honor to be part of the third season. And I can’t say enough amazing things about Jane Lapotaire. We talked a lot in between filming, and I relished every moment of that.

EDGE: You’ve done a ton of stage work. Do you have a favorite role you’ve played onstage?

CM: I’ve been so lucky with the theatre work I’ve done, to work with such special directors and work in wonderful theatres in London. I’ve worked at the Old Vic and The Young Vic twice each, and they’re always special to me. Ian Rickson is a liberating director, who I love. It’s hard to pick a favorite, because the roles have all been so different and presented different challenges, but, most recently, doing “A Number,” playing three different characters alongside Roger Allam and directed by Polly Findlay, was a really treasured experience, and I never tired of doing that show, every performance was challenging as it was.

Miss the rehearsal room

EDGE: You were doing “A Number” earlier this year. Did you finish your run before the lockdown/shutdown?

CM: Just about! We had our final performance, and then lockdown happened days later. I feel very sorry for the productions that didn’t get the sense of completion of finishing a run. I mean, finishing a full run leaves you in a kind of post-show void anyway, even though you know it’s coming, so to not know it’s coming and have it severed must be even more of a void.

Memories of performing just months ago seem like such an unattainable thing in this COVID world right now. I can’t tell you how much I’m hoping we get back to some semblance of live performance.

EDGE: What was it like to appear onstage opposite Dame Diana Rigg in “All About My Mother?”

CM: Well, I think “iconic” is an apt word for both the experience of working with Diana and the lady herself. In between scenes backstage we used to talk a lot and we got told off for talking too loudly, so Diana began to teach me sign language and we would spell out words to each other, maybe only getting a couple of sentences to each other before she was due on stage and I had to get into position for my next entrance-- we did a radio play together two years ago and she remembered, she said, “Do you remember A-E-I-O-U?” signing out the letters with her hands.

EDGE: None of us knows the future in terms of the pandemic and when we might return to making theatre. I’m a playwright myself and find it all supremely frustrating but I’m trying to remain hopeful! Where are you right now in terms of the standstill we are in and what the future might hold?

CM: Yes, I’m so worried for theatre. It’s a devastating blow. I’m sure as a playwright, you know that the creative spirit in individuals hasn’t been diminished by this virus. People are creating important art in this crisis but we need the platforms to present it and bring people to some light again out of this really scary period, but it needs to be safe and it’s a worrying time. The virtual theatre approach must be looked at I think. We need to experiment and find new paths at least for the time being. I’m involved in developing some things right now and how we can work on things in both an isolated and collaborative way. It’s entirely counterintuitive to what the family-feel and close bond of a group in a rehearsal room is like-- I miss the rehearsal room so much!-- but we can’t sit still, we must create and we must act.

What’s in a role?

EDGE: Looking back on the great success of “Merlin,” what are your takeaways from that experience?

CM: Some of the most treasured memories of my life will forever be connected to “Merlin,” the cast, crew, production, everyone! The invaluable training of being in front of a camera every day! The chance to inhabit a character and live with him for five seasons! There’s too much to list and words probably won’t do justice anyway, but I’m truly grateful for everything the show gave me.

EDGE: How do you select the roles you play?

CM: I guess they select me in a way. I can’t play a role unless it speaks to me and provokes me in some way, but ultimately it’s the characters that I have a fear about playing, not knowing how I’m going to enter into the process of living them, when I don’t have all the answers it’s a good indicator of a character I must play. If I have all the answers, there’s less scope for exploration and discovery which isn’t as interesting for me.

Link here

#colin morgan #interview #14 july 2020 #edgemedianetwork #benjamin #transcription

[love-pyramus]

P

Hi, you're on a rock floating in space. Pretty cool, huh? Some of it's water. Fuck it, actually, most of it's water. I can't even get from here to there without buying a boat. A plane is shown flying from South America to Africa. The plane fades off the screen, and a lone, sad stick figure is shown standing on Africa. NARRATOR: It's sad. I'm sad. I miss you. The camera pans left across the globe to show more sad stick figures also standing on South America, North America, and Europe. CHORUS: How did this happen? NARRATOR: A long time ago- Actually, never, and also now, nothing is nowhere. When? Never. Makes sense, right? Like I said, it didn't happen. Nothing was never anywhere. That's why it's been everywhere. It's been so everywhere, you don't need a where. You don't even need a when. That's how "every" it gets. A long pause happens. NARRATOR: Forget this. I wanna be something. Go somewhere. Do something. I want things to change. I want to invent time and space, and I know it's possible because everything is here, and it probably already happened. I just don't know when to start, and that's exactly where it started. The sound of VCR fast forwarding plays. NARRATOR: Ooh, I paused it. I think there's a universe now. What's it made of? CHORUS: Quarks and stuff! NARRATOR: Ah, that's a thing, in a place. Don't like it? Try a new place, at a different time. Try to stick together because the world is gonna get bigger and emptier, but it's not empty yet. It's still very full and about a kjghpillion degrees. About no seconds pass. NARRATOR: Great news! The quarks are now happily married and in groups of three, called a proton or a neutron, and there's something else flying around too that wants to join in but can't because it's still too- An explosion goes off while the screen says, "HOT." 10 minutes pass. NARRATOR: Great news! The protons and neutrons are now happily married to each other. Some of them even doubled up. About 380,000 years pass. NARRATOR: Great news! The electrons have now joined in. Congratulations! The world is now a bunch of gas in space, but it's getting closer together... 10 million years pass. NARRATOR: ...and it's getting closer together... 500 million years pass. NARRATOR: ...and it's getting closer toget- An explosion occurs. CHORUS: It's a star! NARRATOR: New shit just got made. Some stars burn out and die. Bigger stars burn out and die with passion, and make some brand new, way crazier shit... CHORUS: Space dust! NARRATOR: ...which allows newer, more interesting stars to be made, and then die, and explode into- CHORUS: Even crazier space dust! NARRATOR: ...so now stars have cool stuff around them, like rocks, ice, and funny clouds, which can make some very interesting things, like this ball of flaming rocks for example. NARRATOR: Holy shit! We just got hit with another ball of flaming rocks, and it kind of made a mess, which is- CHORUS: Now the Moon! The year is now -4,000,000,000. NARRATOR: Weather update, it's raining rocks from outer space. NARRATOR: Weather update, those rocks might have had water inside them, and now, there's hot steam in the sky. NARRATOR: Weather update, cooler temperatures today, and the floor is no longer lava. NARRATOR: Weather update, it's raining. NARRATOR: Severe flooding alert! The entire world is now an ocean. NARRATOR: Volcano alert! CHORUS: That's land! OCEAN: (Mumbles) There's life in the ocean. NARRATOR: What? CHORUS: Something's alive in the ocean. IMMATERIAL OBSERVER (IO): Oh, cool. Like, a plant or an animal? The camera zooms in on a single-cell organism. NARRATOR: No, a microscopic speck. It lives at the bottom of the ocean and eats chemical soup which is being served hot and fresh, made from gnarly space ingredients leftover from when it was raining rocks or whatever. The cell divides. NARRATOR: Oh, yeah, and it can do that. Those cells divide many more times. NARRATOR: It has secret instructions written inside itself telling it how to build another one of itself. So that's pretty nifty, I would say. NARRATOR:

Tired of living at the bottom of the ocean? CHORUS: Now you can eat sunlight! The year is now -3,000,000,000. NARRATOR: Using a revolutionary technique, you can convert sunlight into food. CHORUS: Taste the sun! The year is now -2,300,000,000. NARRATOR: Side effect, now there's oxygen everywhere and the sky is blue. Then the Earth might have been a snowball for a while. Maybe even a couple of times. The year is now -500,000,000. NARRATOR: It's a sponge. It's a plant. It's a worm, and some other types of weird, strange water bugs and strange fish. CHORUS: It's the Cambrian explosion! IO: Wow, that's animals and stuff. SEA LIFE: But we're still in the ocean. Hey, can we go on land? CHORUS, as LAND: No! SEA LIFE: Why? CHORUS, as LAND: The sun is a deadly lazer! SEA LIFE: Oh, okay. CHORUS: Not anymore, there's a blanket. NARRATOR: Now the animals can go on land. Come on animals, let's go on land. FISH: Nope, can't walk yet. And there's no food yet, so I don't care. 100 million years pass. LAND: Okay, will you learn to walk if there's plants up here? SOME BUGS AND FISH: Maybe NARRATOR: ...said some bugs... and fish. The year is now -380,000,000. FISH grunts because it is struggling to get on land, for it has no legs. 5 million years pass. The year is now -375,000,000. FISH now has legs, for it has evolved into an AMPHIBIAN. AMPHIBIAN: Okay, so I can go on land, but I have to go back in the water to- CHORUS: Have babies! The word "idea" flashes on to the screen. NARRATOR: Learn to use an egg. AMPHIBIAN: I was already doing that. NARRATOR: Use a stronger egg. Put water in it. Have a baby, on land, in an egg. Water is in the egg. Baby, in the egg, in the water, in the egg. The year is -312,000,000. AMPHIBIAN OFFSPRING: Works for me. CHORUS: Bye bye, ocean! 50 million years pass. NARRATOR: And now everything's huge. Including bugs. Wanna see a map of the land? IO: Sure. The year is now -252,000,000. A globe is presented. The camera starts to pan around it when a large explosion happens, destroying a land mass on the globe the size of a continent. Text pops onto the screen reading "PERMIAN EXTINCTION." The Permian Extinction has occurred. NARRATOR: Oh fuck, now everything's dead. Just kidding, here are the survivors. The thrinaxodon, lystrosaurus, and proterosuchus are shown. NARRATOR: Keep your eye on this one... The proterosuchus is circled. 75 million years pass. NARRATOR: ...'cause it's about to become the dinosaurs. Here's another map of the land. The globe is shown again. It does not yet look like the Earth we know today; many of the continents are in pieces or out of place. NARRATOR: Yeah, it broke apart. Don't worry about that. It does that all the time. The year is now -66,000,000. NARRATOR: Here comes a meteor. A meteor comes into frame and hits the globe near what is today called Central America. CHORUS: And the dinosaurs are gone! NARRATOR: It's mammal time! Here come the mammals; look at those breasts. The year is now -15,000,000. NARRATOR: Now, they're gonna dominate the world, and one of them just learned how to grab stuff, and walk. The year is now -4,000,000. A transition from one of human's older ancestors to one of human's younger ancestors is shown. NARRATOR: No, like, walk like that, and grab stuff at the same time. The year is now -3,000,000. NARRATOR: And bang rocks together to make pointed rocks. IO: Ouch. The year is now -1,500,000. NARRATOR: And set things on fire. IO: Yeouch. The year is now -200,000. NARRATOR: And make crazy sounds with their voice. CAVEMAN: Gneurshk. NARRATOR: Which can mean different things. Via the CAVEMAN's thought bubble, "Gnerushk," is shown to mean, "Hi," "Bye," and, "Can you hand me that rock over there?" CHORUS: That's a human person! NARRATOR: And now they're everywhere, almost. Text pops on to the screen, above the landmass that is today called North America. It reads "not here yet." Humans have not migrated there yet. The year is now -20,000. Text pops on to the screen, between what is today the American

state of Alaska and the Russian autonomous okrug (district) of Chukotka. The text reads "ice age." The ice age is occurring, creating a land bridge between the two landmasses. CHORUS: Ice age! HUMANS: What? You can walk over here? Cool! The year is now -10,000. CHORUS: Not anymore. HUMANS: Well, I guess we're stuck here now. NARRATOR: Let's review. There's people on the planet, and they're chasing their food. HUMAN: Fuck it, time to plant some grass. Look at this. I control the food now. Now, everyone will want to be my friend and live near me. Let's all build houses, except mine is bigger because I own the food. This is great. I wonder if anyone else is doing this. The year is now -5000. NARRATOR: Tired of using rocks for everything? Use metal! It's underground. NARRATOR: Better farming was just invented in a sweet dank valley right in between these two rivers, and the animals are helping. A sheep baas in the background. CHORUS: Guess what happens next! NARRATOR: More food, and more people who came to buy the food, and you need people to help make the food and keep track of the sales, and now, you need houses for people to live in and people to make the houses, and now, there's more people, and they invent things which makes things better, and more people come, and there's more farming and more people to make more things for more people, and now, there's business, money, writing, laws, power. CHORUS: Society! NARRATOR: Coming soon to a dank river valley near you. Meanwhile, out in the middle of nowhere, the horse is probably being tamed. DISTRAUGHT HUMAN: Why is all my metal so lame and lumpy? NARRATOR: Tired of using lame, sad metal? The year is now -3300. NARRATOR: Introducing- CHORUS: Bronze! NARRATOR: Made from special ingredient tin from the far lands of Tin Land... I don't know, my dealer won't tell me where he gets it. Also, guess what? CHORUS: Egypt! The year is now -2000. NARRATOR: Meanwhile, out in the middle of nowhere, they figured out how to put wheels on a horse. Now, we're getting somewhere. Also- CHORUS: China! NARRATOR: And did I mention- CHORUS: Indus River Valley Civilization! A "society count" comes on screen. It lists the four civilizations just named (including Mesopotamia, the "sweet dank valley right in between... two rivers"), as the counter counts up from one to four. It pauses for a moment before ticking up to five. A fifth civilization appears on the list. The camera pans right across the globe to what is modern day Peru. CHORUS: Norte Chico! NARRATOR: The Middle East is getting more complicated. Maybe because it's in the middle of the East. The year is now -1600. PEOPLE WITH HORSES: Knock, knock. Er... clop clop. NARRATOR: It's the people with the horses, and they made an empire, and then everyone else copied their horses. CHORUS: Greeks! NARRATOR: Ah, look, it must be the Greeks. Or, a beta version of the Greeks. Text pops up on screen, reading "mycenaean greeks." These "beta version... Greeks" are the Mycenaean Greeks. NARRATOR: Let's check in with the Indus River Valley Civilization - they're gone. Guess who's not gone? CHORUS: China! The year is now -1200. CHORUS: New arrivals in India! Maybe it's those horse people I was talking about, or their cousins, or something... And they wrote some hymns and mantras and stuff! NARRATOR: You could make a religion out of this. The year is now -1150. NARRATOR: There's the Bronze Age collapse. CHORUS: Now, the Phoenicians can get down to business! HUMANS: (Offscreen) Also, can we switch to a metal that's a little easier to find? Bronze switches to iron. HUMANS: (Offscreen) Thanks. NARRATOR: Look who came back to Israel - it's the twelve tribes of Israel! CHORUS: And they believe in God! NARRATOR: Just one though; he's got like a ten step program. NARRATOR: Here's some huge heads. Must be the Olmecs. The year is now -800. NARRATOR: The Phoenicians make some colonies. The Greeks copy their idea and make some colonies. The Phoenicians made a colony so big it makes colonies. The year is now

-671. NARRATOR: Here comes the Assyrian Empire. The year is now -600. NARRATOR: Nevermind, it's the Babyloni- The year is now -580. NARRATOR: Media- The year is now -500. CHORUS: It's the Persian Empire! IO: Wow, that's big. NARRATOR: Ah, the Buddha was just enlightened! IO: Who's the Buddha? NARRATOR: This guy, who sat under a tree for so long that he figured out how to ignore the fact that we're all dying. You could make a religion out of this. The year is now -475. NARRATOR: Oops, China just broke, but while it was breaking, Confucius was figuring out how to have good morals. The year is now -400. NARRATOR: Ah, the Greeks just had the idea of thinking about stuff... The year is now -330. NARRATOR: ...and right over here, Alexander just had the idea of conquering the entire Persian empire. It's a great idea. He was... Great, and now he's dead. Hopefully, the rest of the gang will be able to share the empire evenly between them. The year is now -305. CHANDRAGUPTA: Knock knock. NARRATOR: It's Chandragupta. He says- CHANDRAGUPTA: Get the hell out of here. Will you get the hell out of here if I give you five hundred elephants? Okay, thanks. Bye. CHORUS: Time to conquer all of India! NARRATOR: Er- CHORUS: Most of India! IO: But what about this part? NARRATOR: That's the Tamil kings. No one conquers the Tamil kings. IO: Who are the Tamil kings? CHORUS: Merchants, probably... And they've got spices! TAMIL KINGS: Who would like to buy the spices? ARABIANS: Me! NARRATOR: ...said the Arabians, swiftly buying it and selling it to the rest of the world. The year is now -221. NARRATOR: Hey, China put itself back together again, with good morals as their main philosophy! Actually, they have three main philosophies. Confucianism, Taoism, and legalism appear with the corresponding messages under: having good morals, go with the flow, and "fuck you obey the law". The land northwest of Qin China, which is roughly modern-day Mongolia, is circled. NARRATOR: Out here, the horse nomads run wild and free, and they would like to ransack your city. The horse nomads repeatedly bump into China with the coin sound effect from Super Mario playing each time they do so. The camera pans left on the globe back to the Ancient Greek Empire. NARRATOR: Let's check the Greekification levels of the Greekified kingdoms. Greekification overload! PARTHIANS: Bye. NARRATOR: ...said the Parthians. JEWS: Bye. NARRATOR: ...said the Jews. PARTHIANS: Hi! NARRATOR: ...said the Parthians, taking over the entire place. The year is now 1 CE. ROMANS: Heyyyyyyyy... NARRATOR: ...said the Romans, eating the entire Mediterranean for breakfast. JEWS: Thanks for invading our homeland. NARRATOR: ...said the Jews, who were starting to get tired of people invading their homeland. The year is now 30 CE. JESUS CHRIST: Hi, everything's great. NARRATOR: ...said some guy, who seems to be getting very popular, and is then arrested and killed for being too popular, which only makes him more popular. You could make a religion out of this. NARRATOR: Want silk? Now, you can buy it from China. They just made a- CHORUS: Brand new road to the world! China conquers Vietnam. CHORUS: Or you can get there on water! INDIA: Sick! New trade routes. NARRATOR: ...said India, accidentally spreading their religion to the entire southeast. Funan is highlighted. NARRATOR: Hm, that's a good place for an epic trading kingdom. The sound of a zooming car plays. NARRATOR: There goes Buddhism, traveling up the silk road. The year is now 220. NARRATOR: I wonder if it'll reach China before it collapses again. The year is now 225. NARRATOR: Remember the Persian Empire? PERSIANS: Yep. NARRATOR: ...said the Persians, making a new one. Axum is getting so powerful they would like to build a long stick. Has anyone populated Madagascar yet? BANTU and MALAY: Let's do it together! The year is now 280. CHORUS: China is whole again! The year is now 320. CHORUS: Then it broke again. NARRATOR: Still can't cross the Sahara Desert? Try camels! CHORUS, as

GHANA EMPIRE: Hell yeah! Now we've got business! NARRATOR: ...said the Ghana Empire, selling lots of gold and slaves. ROMAN CHRISTIAN: Hi, I live in the Roman Empire, and I was wondering- CHORUS, as ROMAN CHRISTIAN: Is loving Jesus legal yet? ROME: No. The year is now 330. CONSTANTINE: Actually, okay, sure. NARRATOR: ...said Constantine, moving the capital way over here to be closer to his- CHORUS: Main rival! CONSTANTINE: Don't worry about Rome; it won't fall. The year is now 400. CHORUS: It's the golden age of India! NARRATOR: There's the Gupta Empire, not Chandragupta, just Gupta... First name Chandra... The First. Guess who's in Rome. CHORUS: Barbarians! NARRATOR: What's a barbarian? ROMANS: Non-Romans. NARRATOR: ...said the Romans, being invaded by non-Romans. The year is now 476. NARRATOR: R.I.P. Roman Empire. Er, actually just half of it; the other half is just fine, but it's not in Rome anymore, so let's give it a new name. CHORUS: The Mayans have figured out the stars! NARRATOR: Oh, and here's a huge city, population: everyone. The year is now 576. NARRATOR: The Göktürks have taken over the entire Eurasian steppe. Great job, Göktürks. How's India? Broken. How's China? CHORUS: Back together. NARRATOR: How's those trading kingdoms? CHORUS: Bigger, and there's more of them. NARRATOR: Korea has three kingdoms. Japan has a kingdom; it's the sunrise kingdom. An intermission occurs. The year is now 610. NARRATOR: Deep in the Arabian desert, on the top of a mountain, the real god whispers in Muhammad's ear, so he goes down to the cube where everyone worships gods, and he tells them their gods are all fake... The year is now 622. NARRATOR: ...and everyone got so mad at him that he had to leave town and go to a different town. You can make a religion out of this... The year is now 650. NARRATOR: ...and maybe conquer the world as well. The Roman Empire is long gone, but somehow, the Pope is still the Pope! Plus, there's- CHORUS: New kingdoms all over Europe! NARRATOR: I wonder if there's room for Moors. The year is now 786. NARRATOR: Here's all the wisdom, in a house: it's the Baghdad House of Wisdom, just in time for the- CHORUS: Islamic Golden Age! SWAHILI: Let's bring stuff to the coast, and sell it, and become the Swahili on the Swahili Coast. NARRATOR: ...said the Swahili on the Swahili Coast. NARRATOR: Remember this tiny space you have to go through to get from here to there? Someone owns that now. NARRATOR: Wanna get enlightened in the middle of nowhere? NARRATOR: The Franks have the biggest kingdom in Europe, and the Pope is so proud that he invites the king over for Christmas. The year is now 800. POPE: Surprise! You're the new Roman Emperor! NARRATOR: ...said the Pope, pretending to still be part of the Roman Empire. Then, the Franks broke their kingdom into what will later be called France and Not France. The Northerners (or just Norse, if you don't have much time) are exploring. They go north, from the north, to the northern north, and they find some land, two types of land, and they name them accordingly. Large text comes on screen reading, "prankd." NARRATOR: They also invade some other places and get called many names, such as Vikings. The year is now 882. NARRATOR: There's the Rus, the Kievan Rus. IO: Are they Vikings? KIEVAN RUS: I don't think so. NARRATOR: ...said the Kievan Rus. IO: Okay, fair enough. NARRATOR: The Pope is ready to make some more emperors of the Roman Empire, the Holy Roman Empire. It's actually Germany, but don't worry about it! New kingdoms! DISTORTED VOICE: CHRISTIANIZE ALL THE KINGDOMS! NARRATOR: Which brand would you like? ROMAN CATHOLIC CHURCH: Mine's better. EASTERN ORTHODOX CHURCH: Mine's better. ROMAN CATHOLIC CHURCH: Mine's better. The year is now 1066. WILLIAM THE CONQUEROR: Time to conquer England. NARRATOR: ...said William. The year is now 1071. NARRATOR: It's a bird! It's a plane! It's the Seljuk Turks! BYZANTINE EMPIRE: Aah! NARRATOR: ...said the Byzantine Empire, who's getting so small it almost doesn't

exist anymore. BYZANTINE EMPIRE: We need help! NARRATOR: They need help, so they call the Pope. BYZANTINE EMPIRE: Hey, Pope, can you help us get rid of the Seljuks? Maybe take back the Holy Land on the way? Come on, I know you want to take back the Holy Land. POPE: Yes, I do actually want to do that. Let's do a Crusade. The year is now 1099. CHORUS: Crusade! NARRATOR: They did many crusades, some of which almost didn't fail, but at the least the Italians got some sweet trade deals. The year is now 1100. NARRATOR: Goodbye, Mayans. CHORUS: Hello, Toltecs! NARRATOR: Goodbye, Toltecs. CHORUS: Hello, Mississippi! NARRATOR: Look at those mounds! There's the Pueblo. I've always wondered how to build a town on a cliff. The year is now 1150. NARRATOR: Guess who's here? Khmer! IO: Where? NARRATOR: Here, and Pegan is there! Vietnam unconquered itself, Korea just became itself... The year is now 1192. NARRATOR: ...and Japan is so addicted to art that the military might have to take over the government. China just invented bombs and typing... The year is now 1230. It rapidly starts to count upward as the Mongols spin and fly all over north Asia. The year ends on 1259. NARRATOR: ...and the Mongols just invaded most of the universe. (sarcastically) Nice going, Genghis! I bet that will last a long time. The Mongol Empire that was just formed shatters. NARRATOR: Some of the Islamic Turks were unaffected by the Mongol invasions because they were busy invading India. Bright, happy text comes on the screen reading, "tonga time." NARRATOR: Is it Tonga time? TONGAN: I think it's Tonga time! Text comes on screen reading, "colonizing the pacific ocean..." The Tu'i Tonga Empire forms. NARRATOR: I just found out where the Swahili gets all their gold! It is shown that the gold comes from the Great Zimbabwe, as the Great Zimbabwe is highlighted. NARRATOR: Look at this "chad" (it means lake). There's an empire there, right in the middle of- CHORUS: Africa! The year is now 1324. NARRATOR: The King of Mali is so rich, he's going on tour to let everyone know. NORTH AFRICA and THE MIDDLE EAST: Wow, that guy's rich. NARRATOR: ...everyone said. The Christians are doing a great job reconquering Iberia, which will soon be called Spain and Not-Spain. IBERIAN PENINSULA: Please remain Christian. We will check in later to see if you're still Christian when you least expect. The year is now 1350. NARRATOR: Whoops! Half of Europe just died! CHORUS: Ming! NARRATOR: China's back, yay! The year is now 1400. Hey Khmer, time to share! New kingdoms here and there. Oh, look who controls all the islands. It's the Mahajapit- The buzz of an "incorrect" buzzer buzzes. NARRATOR: Majahapit- Buzzes. NARRATOR: Mapajahit- Buzzes. NARRATOR: Mahapajit- Buzzes. NARRATOR: Mapajahit- Buzzes. NARRATOR: Ma-ja-pa-hit? The ring of a "correct" bell rings. The year is now 1450. NARRATOR: Oh, Italy's really rich. Time for them to care a lot about art and the ancient classics. It's kinda like a re-birth. The text on the screen reads "renaissance". NARRATOR: Here's a printer, let's make books! BYZANTINE EMPIRE: So you think you can conquer the Byzantine Empire? OTTOMAN TURKS: Yep. NARRATOR: ...said the Ottoman Turks. Nice job, Ottoman Turks! The year is now 1453. NARRATOR: Oops, you missed a spot. Don't forget to ban Europe from the Indian spice trade. PORTUGAL: What? That's bullshit! NARRATOR: ...said Portugal, spiceless. CHORUS, as PORTUGAL: Well, I guess we'll have to find another way to India! CHRISTOPHER COLUMBUS: Wait! NARRATOR: ...said Christopher Columbus, probably smoking crack. COLUMBUS: If the world is round, let's go this way to India! PORTUGAL: Nah, don't worry, we already got this NARRATOR: ...said Portugal. So Chris goes to Spain. COLUMBUS: Hey, Spain, wanna hire me to find India by going around the back of the world? SPAIN: No. COLUMBUS: Please? SPAIN: No. COLUMBUS: Please? SPAIN: No. COLUMBUS: Please? SPAIN: Okay. The year is now 1492. NARRATOR: So he sails into the ocean and discovers... More

ocean... And then discovers the Indies and Japan. The year is now 1494. SPAIN and PORTUGAL: Let's draw a line to decide who gets which half of the world. NARRATOR: The Aztec and Inca Empires are off to a great start. I wonder if they know that Europe just discovered their continent? NARRATOR: The Hapsburgs are marrying into so many royal families that they might have to start marrying each other. The year is now 1500. NARRATOR: Move over, Lithuania! Here comes Moscow. Ivan wants to make Russia great again. Move over, Timurids; maybe go invade India or something. The year is now 1501. NARRATOR: Persia just made Persia Persian again. Let's make it the other kind of Islam, the one where we thought the first guy should have been the other guy. ROMAN CATHOLIC CHURCH: Hey, Christians! Do you sin? Now you can buy your way out of Hell. MARTIN LUTHER: That's bullshit, this whole thing is bullshit, that's a scam, fuck the church. Here's 95 reasons why. NARRATOR: ...said Martin Luther, in his new book which might have accidentally started the Protestant Reformation. SULEIMAN THE MAGNIFICENT: You know what would be magnificent? NARRATOR: ...said Suleiman, wearing an onion hat. The year is now 1530. SULEIMAN: What if the Ottoman Empire was really big, which it is now? The year is now 1556. IVAN THE TERRIBLE: What if Russia was big? NARRATOR: ...said Ivan, trying not to be terrible. NARRATOR: Portugal had a dream that they controlled the entire Indian Ocean, including the Spice Trade... and then that dream was real. And Spain realized that this is not India, but they pillaged it anyway! ENGLAND and FRANCE: Damn. NARRATOR: ...said England and France. ENGLAND and FRANCE: We gotta start pillaging some stuff. NARRATOR: Then, the Dutch revolt, and all the hipsters move to Amsterdam. The year is now 1600. AMSTERDAM: Damn. NARRATOR: ...said Amsterdam. AMSTERDAM: We gotta start pillaging some stuff. ENGLAND, FRANCE, and THE DUTCH: Question 1: Can you get to India through North America? No, but at least there's beaver. Question 2: Steal the Spice Trade. NARRATOR: That's not a question, but the Dutch did it anyway. CHORUS: Sugar! The year is now 1640. NARRATOR: Guess where all the sugar is made. In Brazil- THE DUTCH: Stolen! NARRATOR: -In the Caribbean, and it's so goddamn profitable that you might forget to not do slavery. The next thing on Russia's to-do-list is to get bigger. The year is now 1754. NARRATOR: Britain and France are having a friendly discussion about who should control the entire world, more specifically Ohio. Then it escalates into a seven year discussion, giving Prussia a chance to show Austria who's boss. IO: But what about Britain and France? Did they figure out who's boss? NARRATOR: Yes, they did! It's Britain. Guess who's broke. Also Britain, so they start taxing the Hell out of America. The year is now 1776. AMERICA: Fuck you. NARRATOR: ...says America, declaring their independence and fighting for it, and France helps them win. Now, France is broke... The year is now 1788. NARRATOR: ...and Britain will have to send their prisoners to a different continent. IO: Wait, if France is broke, why do the king and queen still wear such fancy dresses? The year is now 1794. ROBESPIERRE: Let's overthrow the palace and cut all their heads off! NARRATOR: ...says Robespierre, cutting everybody's head off until someone eventually got mad and cut his head off. IO: You could make a religi- NARRATOR: No, don't. Haiti is starting to like the idea of a revolution... The year is now 1791. NARRATOR: ...especially the slaves, who free themselves by killing their masters. TOUSSAINT L'OUVERTURE: Why didn't we think of this before? IO: Wait, who's in charge of France now? The year is now 1804. CHORUS, as NAPOLEON: Me! NARRATOR: ...said Napoleon, trying to take over Europe. Luckily, they banished him to an island- CHORUS: But he came back! NARRATOR: Luckily, they banished him to another island. A burst of horns play. NARRATOR: There goes Latin America, becoming independent in the Latin

American Wars of Independence. They last from the year 1812 to about 1830. NARRATOR: Britain just figured out how to turn steam into power, so now, they can make- CHORUS: Many different types of machines, and factories with machines in them, so they can make a lot of products real fast. NARRATOR: Then, they invent some trains and conquer India and maybe put some trains there. BRITAIN: Hey, China! NARRATOR: ...said Britain. BRITAIN: Buy stuff from us! CHINA: Nah, dude, we already got everything. NARRATOR: ...says China, so Britain tried to get them addicted to opium, which worked, actually, but then, China made it illegal... The year is now 1839. NARRATOR: ...and dumped it all into the sea, so Britain threw a hissy fit and made them open up five cities and give them an island. Britain and Russia are playing a game where they try and stop each other from conquering Afghanistan. Also, the- CHORUS: Sultan of Oman lives in Zanzibar now. NARRATOR: That's just where he lives. The year is now 1857. NARRATOR: India just had a revolution, and they would like to govern themselves now. BRITAIN: Nope. NARRATOR: ...said Britain, governing them even harder than before. The screen reads, "HI I JUST SENT YOU A MESSAGE THRU A WIRE," while the Morse Code for "SEXLOL" plays in the background. CHORUS: Technology is about to go crazy! The year is now 1863. NARRATOR: The United States finally figured out whether slavery is good or bad. ABRAHAM LINCOLN: It's bad. NARRATOR: ...they decided, and then, they continued manifesting their destiny, which is to kill the rest of the natives and take their land and maybe kick out the Mexicans too. The year is now 1884. EUROPE: I know! Let's rape Africa. NARRATOR: ...said Europe, scrambling to see who could rape it the fastest. (They never got Ethiopia.) Britain and France are still hungry! (They never got Thailand.) The United States ran out of destiny to manifest, so they're looking for more. CHORUS: Hawaii and Cuba! IO: Wait! Spain controls Cuba! UNITED STATES: Well, blame something on them, and go to war. AMERICANS: What should we blame on Spain? The U.S.S. Maine explodes in the Gulf of Mexico. UNITED STATES: Let's blame the Maine on Spain NARRATOR: ...so they blame the Maine on Spain. The year is now 1898. AMERICANS: Now, we're in business! NARRATOR: To celebrate, they kick Panama out of Panama and make a canal, connecting the two oceans. The year is now 1908. NARRATOR: Britain just found oil in the Middle East. (It makes cars go.) The year is now 1911. NARRATOR: China is so tired of being bossed around that they delete their old government and make a new, stronger government, which is accidentally weaker and controlled by a guy from the previous government. Europe hasn't had a war since the last war... The year is now 1914. NARRATOR: ...so they start World War I. Look at those guns! It's gonna be a "Great War" - so great we won't need a second one. After it's over, they blame Germany. The year is now 1917. NARRATOR: Russia went on strike, and the workers overthrew the government. Now, everyone's paycheck is the same. The year is now 1922. CHORUS: Communism, in the Soviet Union! NARRATOR: The Arabs revolt... The year is now 1917. NARRATOR: ...and Britain helps. BRITAIN: (Offscreen) Now, the Ottoman Empire is gone, The year is now 1922. BRITAIN: (Offscreen) So we can give the- CHORUS: Jewish people a place to live! NARRATOR: Hopefully, the Arabs won't mind. SYKES and PICOT: Let's cut the cake! NARRATOR: ...said Sykes and Picot, cutting up the remains of the Not-So-Ottoman-Anymore Empire. The year is now 1923. CHORUS: Except Turkey! Turkey makes a brand new Turkey! NARRATOR: ...and then, the Saudis conquer Arabia. It just seemed like the right thing to do. A phone rings. IO: Hello? THE 1920s: Yes, it's the 1920s calling. Let's get in a car and drive to a party and listen to jazz on the radio and go to the movies. The economy is great, and it will probably be great forever- just kidding! A slide whistle with decreasing pitch briefly plays.

The year is now 1933. NARRATOR: Germany is back, featuring Hitler, the angry mustache model, and he's mad at the Jews for existing. Japan is finally conquering the East, and they're so excited... The year is now 1937. NARRATOR: ...they rape Nanking way too hard. They should probably just deny it. The year is now 1945. NARRATOR: Hitler's out of control, so the international community tackles him and tries to explain why killing all the Jews is a bad idea. But he kills himself before they could explain it to him. CHORUS: That's World War II! NARRATOR: Bonus Round! Air horns momentarily play in the background. NARRATOR: (Like Announcer from Mortal Kombat) Pacific Showdown: United States versus Japan! Fight! A drop-down menu that reads "weapon select" pops up, and the U.S. cursor moves down from "boat" to "plane" to "extinction ball." It is picked, dropped on Japan, and an explosion results. The year is now 1945. NARRATOR: (Like Announcer from Mortal Kombat) Finish him! Another one is dropped, and another explosion follows. NARRATOR: Let's unite all the nations and have some- CHORUS: World peace! NARRATOR: Seems legit. GANDHI: Hi, I'm Gandhi, and if Britain doesn't get the Hell out of India, I'm gonna starve myself in public. The year is now 1947. Britain leaves. GANDHI: Wow, that worked? NARRATOR: Bonus! Now, there's Pakistan. Actually, two Pakistans; one of them can be Bangladesh later. The Jews and the Arabs finally figured out which one of them should live in the Holy Land. JEWS and ARABS: Me! NARRATOR: ...they both said at the same time. The year is now 1947. UNITED NATIONS: Let's divide up the land so everyone's happy. CHORUS: Sike! They both get angrier. NARRATOR: Look out, China! The year is now 1949. NARRATOR: There's a new China in China! What's on the menu? PEOPLE'S REPUBLIC of CHINA: Communism! REPUBLIC of CHINA: No, thanks. NARRATOR: ...said the other China, escaping to an island. I wonder which one is the real China? The year is now 1950. NARRATOR: There's the Korean War: Korea versus Korea. Nobody wins and then it's on pause forever. Let's meet the sponsors! Oh, it's the two global superpowers. They're having a friendly debate over which economic system is good and which one is an evil virus of Satan. And they both have atom bombs. NARRATOR: (With an echo) FIGHT! NARRATOR: Wait, no, that would be the end of the world. Let's just keep it cool and spy on each other instead, and make sure we have enough atom bombs. The year is now 1957. SOVIET UNION: I'll race you to space. The year is now 1969. An American rocket ship is shown to land on the moon. SOVIET UNION and UNITED STATES: Now, let's make some more countries fight themselves. NARRATOR: Europe is tired of pillaging other continents, and the continents they were pillaging are tired of being pillaged. So here's a new map, with new countries! Now, you can't tell who they're being pillaged by. The year is now 1963. NARRATOR: The United States finally decided whether racism is good or bad. They decided it's bad, and the world agrees. South Africa might need another minute to think about it. Let's check the world population. A graph is shown, displaying a spike upward in population that jumped from "a billion" at the beginning of the 1800s to "way more" around the beginning of the 2000s. IO: Whoa... Okay. NARRATOR: Technology is better too; that might keep happening. The Soviet Union decides to relax a little... The year is now 1991. NARRATOR: ...and accidentally falls apart. Europe makes a union... The year is now 1999. NARRATOR: ...so now, they can all use the same money, except Britain 'cause they don't feel like it. Let's check the mail! Surprise! It's on the computer. The year is now 2001. NARRATOR: Whoops, someone just attacked America. I bet they'll remember that. Phone call! Surprise! It's in your pocket. Wanna learn everything? Surprise! It's on the computer. Now, your phone's a computer, which is in your pocket. A chart of the 2008 economic recession is shown. NARRATOR: Whoops, the economy just

crashed. Don't worry, the big banks won't fail because they're not supposed to. Surprise! Flying robots, with bombs. Wanna print a brain? Some people have no friends, some people have no food, the globe is warming- CHORUS: And the ocean is full of plastic! EVERYBODY: Let's save the planet! NARRATOR: ...said everybody, not knowing how. The year is now 2028. THING INVENTOR INVENTOR: Let's invent a thing inventor. NARRATOR: ...said the thing inventor inventor, after being invented by a thing inventor. That's pretty cool. By the way, where the Hell are we?

#Long post

[doofbox-hero]

Long Snippet from A Possibly Abandoned WIP

My first fic I was planning on writing and posting was a cooking competition similar to the The Great British Bake Off with inspiration from a few other shows as well. It was full of OCs and I had big plans but it has since fallen far into the back seat. I like sharing snippets a lot so here is a long snippet though the last paragraph is more notes for me lol. |----| CW Food (Of course) In the lobby of the Black Spire Hotel a very tired looking Remus sits with a cellphone in hand staring at the screen with eyebrows knitted close together in both concentration and slight frustration. The frustration comes from getting far too many messages from friends, family, and people he barely considers acquaintances linking the same promo video he has been avoiding for the past few days since the official Ultimate Kitchen Witch website made it public.

While he is happy the promotion for the show has been an obvious success he absolutely hates seeing any media with his face in it at any point in time. The attention is anxiety inducing in a way that feels almost constricting and leaves him confused on how he of all people ended up here.

But the longer he sits staring at the link the more curious he is what clips they used and which of the other contestants have been featured in the promo. Sirius of course and probably Ignotus if they’re using Sirius. He taps his foot nervously as he presses the link and waits for the video to load.

The video opens with the famous Ultimate Kitchen Witch logo transitioning into existence with some white sparkles against a black background as soft violins begin to play a tune that could only be described as jaunty. This fades from top to bottom to reveal “Mad-Eye” Moody and Nymphadora Tonks standing by a tree in a beautiful field looking wistfully out towards a tent set up in the middle of the space.

“It’s almost time you know.” Moody says with a soft smile as he gives the woman next to him a quick glance.

“Time for what?” Tonks asks with a slight crook in her neck, eyes still trained on the tent.

As he turns towards Tonk his face drops losing any amusement it once held as he raises a hand to punctuate his words as he speaks. “Tonk, did you really just ask that?” She turns towards him looking confused and shrugs her shoulders.

“Yeah I guess, I did.”

“It’s less than two weeks before the Ultimate Kitchen Witch begins, a show that you and I are hosting, and you’re really just asking, ‘time for what?’”

“Hold on. Hold on. What’s happening in less than two weeks? I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Moody’s eye seems to almost pop out of his head as he looks at Tonk in utter shock and then shifts to angrily glaring at her in an almost comedic way. “Tonks, you agreed to co-host the show with me. Do you even know what the Ultimate Kitchen Witch is?”

“No I don’t think I do.” Tonk says as she rubs a hand against her forehead feigning an almost obvious fake embarrassment. The man looking down at her rolls his eyes and lets out a sigh before patting her back and gently turning her towards the tent again.

“Come on. Let me run you through the basics.” With a fade from left to right the two are now walking inside of the large tent down the middle of two rows of small, wooden workstations equipped with some basic cooking utensils in polka dotted holders and a cooktop on one end. Moody and Tonks turn to step behind one of the workstations and stop once they’re both standing in a spot where they can both comfortably rest their elbows on the countertop and rest their heads in their hands looking at the camera now zooming in on their faces.

“So what is the Ultimate Kitchen Witch, Moody? Is it magical?” She asks looking his way without turning her head.

“I would say very magical, but not in the wands and shape shifting ways you’re probably thinking.” As he continues on clips from past seasons show in a montage of many memorable moments. “The Ultimate Kitchen Witch is a competitive cooking show where we put 12 up and coming chefs to the test to show us the magic they can do in the kitchen. Each week they are given a different theme and a catch they must keep in mind as they prepare for the three challenges.”

All of a sudden it cuts to Tonk and Moody by a river side and she is reeling in a big, fake carp with a neon pink fishing rod. Tonks looks up at him with an inquisitive look on her face as she asks. “What’s the catch?” He rolls his eyes at her and lightly knocks the rod out of her hand with a displeased look on his face but she just shrugs.

Remus quietly laughs and shakes his head a little at the antics which have always been pretty slapstick on the show but he had a feeling it was only going to get worse with Tonks involved.

The video cuts back to the tent where Moody is leaning against the front of a workstation now mixing what seems to be cookie dough in a bowl while Tonks watches with wide eyes following the spoon. “The catch is mostly what it sounds like. Our chefs must make dishes that fit the theme as best as possible while keeping whatever factor has been chosen in mind as the catch. My favorite example from the past was the week the theme was cookies but chefs had to make everything gluten free. Themes can vary from an ingredient, to an aesthetic, or honestly some of the most random bull I’ve ever heard.”

“So what are these challenges you spoke of earlier?” As she asks she reaches her hand slowly towards the bowl which Moody catches and taps her hand with the spoon causing her to stop. He shakes his head as he goes back to mixing the dough and before he goes on he notices Tonks lick the back of her hand then looks back to the camera with an eye roll.

“There are three challenges. The first challenge is called ‘The Personal Charm Dish’ and it gives the chefs a chance to work on recipes that really show the judges who they are as a person and chef. Winner of this challenge is usually based on who best executed the concept within the theme while still making a spellbound dish. The second challenge is the Zippy Skill Exercise which is where the competitors are given a surprise recipe missing some key details they have to use their experience and knowledge to successfully complete in a very short amount of time.

Of course the winner of this round is mostly based on whoever can actually make the damn recipe correctly but on a rare occasion someone wows the judges with something less accurate yet spectacular. Now the third and final challenge…”

When he looks over at Tonk she’s now eating chocolate chips out of a bag while nodding along in a way that makes it seem she’s only half listening. He grabs the bag out of her hands and dumps half of the chocolate chips in his bowl before putting the bag down on the counter on the opposite side of where she is standing. As he continues to stir he side-eyes her with his non-eye-patched eye and purses his lips before asking. “Were you even listening to a word I just said?”

Tonks rolls her eyes and reaches behind him to grab the bag of chocolate chips. “Yes. Yes I was. Personal Charm Dish, Zippy Skill Challenge, and the third and final challenge is?”

With a face devoid of amusement he turns his eyes back to the camera and continues. “The Truly Magical Challenge. This is where chefs have to show the judges something that ‘makes them believe in magic.’” While he says the end of the sentence a sparkle effect floats in from the left side of the screen to the right passing over his head. “The winner is based on who does the best job of amazing all of the judges with something special. Over the course of 10 weeks the judges take into consideration things like amount of wins, consistency in performance, a real wow factor, and growth over the competition in order to pick an Ultimate Kitchen Witch.”

Now the video cuts to the two looking into an open oven as Moody slides a tray of cookie dough balls in. “But Moody who are the judges?” She turns her head to look at him as she asks and he gives her a glance before looking back at the camera with a cheeky smile.

Another montage of clips play including a very no nonsense Rowena Ravenclaw cutting up an onion while she tells someone off camera why they need to immediately leave her kitchen, Helga Hufflepuff precariously carrying a tray full of dozens of different cookies looking wide eyed and scared of the possible tumble, Godric Gryffindor laughing and handling a large blow torch in way that seems very unsafe, Salazar Slytherin just looking into the camera with a pointed unpleasant look before he grabs a plate from the table in front of him and throws it across the room against a wall, and then varying black silhouettes against a pastel blue background as the words ‘Surprise Guest Judges Announced Every Monday’ roll in front of the figures.

Once the video cuts back to Moody and Tonks she is softly bouncing with a cookie in hand while he just admires the tray holding the rest. “This is so great, I’m gonna get so fat on amazing food and there’s nothing anyone can do to stop me.” The two laugh a little before a look of realization appears on her and holds up a finger to single she has something to add. “What do the chefs get if they win?”

(Moody explains[I still need to figure that out] and then prompts a montage of the contestants this season. Each one has a few clips from various sources shown before they play a short clip of them against a pastel blue background with words with their name and occupation displayed beside them. Remus is annoyed with the clips they used for him, shocked by the clips of Sirius they used, and clicks off after a few more including Sable, Edmund, Ignotus, and Hudson).

[xoluvx]

Instagram Live [T.H. x Reader]

Pairing: Tom Holland x Reader

Summary: Tom doesn’t realize he never ended his Instagram live. He’s in deep trouble now.

Warning: Swearing, SMUT & some cringe

Word Count: 1.9K

I was totally not expecting the amount of likes on my previous Tom piece. These waves of wanting to write come in just that, waves. I’m on a roll right now - so thank you so much for the love and support on my first piece. Enjoy!

-

“I totally have to record this, hold on.” Tom screeched reaching for his phone buried deep in his sweatpants. Zendaya rolled her eyes, hands still on the pot resting on the stove. The pasta currently crisp. 

You laughed at the goofiness that was your boyfriend, Tom and your best friend, Zendaya. “Wait, y/n, is the live on?” he asked moving to your side flashing the screen at your face. Thankfully it wasn’t in selfie mode.

Instantly you noticed the hearts, the emojis and the words of excitement on the screen. It was definitely on. You let out a small laugh, nodding your head, confirming. He placed the phone up pointing towards Zendaya who was currently trying to dump the contents of the pot. 

“Guys, she does not know how cook. She almost burned down my apartment,” Tom announced letting a few small laughs escape his lips. Placing the pot back on the stove, Zendaya flashed her middle finger towards the phone hiding her face. “I hate you,” she mumbled under breath. 

Tom touched the button on the screen turning it into selfie mode. He smiled into the camera, tears forming in his eyes from watching his friend trying to cook. “I’m scared. She says she’s going to try again.” He said diverting his eyes from the screen to look at Zendaya who was glaring at him filling up a new pot with water. “Z, maybe let me cook.” He said moving towards where she was standing. 

“Stop!” she said causing you to let out a small laugh. She turned to you with pleading eyes. In a tell him to stop look. You shrugged your shoulders. “Don’t get me involved,” you said leaning against counter out the camera’s view. 

Tom looked down at the comments being posted:

aw y/n is there?

friend goals

“Yes, y/n is here.” He said looking at the phone screen smiling while reading the comments, but refraining from showing you to his audience. He knew you weren’t too comfortable being in the public eye and he respected that. 

“Oh guys, I have something to show you. I completely forgot about it.” He said as you watched him disappear into the hallway. You turned to Zendaya giving her a questioning look. She shrugged and rolled her eyes. 

“Probably going in there to spoil something,” she muttered walking to the fridge. You let out a small giggle enjoying the presence of your best friend. “Need help?” you asked walking towards her.

“Sure,” she said handing you some ingredients to chop. 

It’d been at least 5 minutes and Tom was still not back. You turned towards Zendaya, “I’m going to go check on him. I’ll be back,” you were about to walk off when you remembered something. “Oh, by the way, Haz is coming over any minute now, so can you open the door for him if we’re not back?” She nodded her head and you thanked her by quickly wrapping your arms around her torso before disappearing from the kitchen.

You could hear Tom’s voice as you approached his room. The door was cracked open. Not bothering to knock, you peeked your head in and looked at Tom currently laying in bed still talking to the phone. He quickly looked at you and turned back to the phone. 

After quietly shutting the door behind you, you sat at the end of the bed listening to his boyish voice speak into the phone answering questions and socializing with his fans. You bite your lip. Watching him filled with so much passion turned you on.

You pouted your lips sending him a small kiss. He noticed the action and tried to play off the obvious smile on his face by reading a sweet comment from a fan. You tried to hold in your giggles bringing yourself closer to his body. 

You laid on the bed, cheek resting on the palm of your hand. You weren’t face to face, you were laying right below the view of the phone next to him. You placed your hand on his thigh to which he flinched. He was currently answering a question about his favorite song at the moment. 

You let your fingers run to his knee and back up his thigh. You saw him shift his weight. Smirking, you let your hand linger to his covered crotch. Teasingly running your hand up and down with little force. Tom’s voice pitched and you bit your lip trying not to laugh finally looking at his face. 

A layer of sweat on his forehead had formed on his forehead and there was a very apparent flush on his face. You saw him put his hand up with his famous peace sign. “Love you, guys. Great questions, I had fun but I should make sure Zendaya doesn’t burn down my kitchen.” He signed off his boyish laugh and placed the phone face down on his nightstand. 

His eyes instantly founds yours. “What?” you asked innocently sitting on your knees. He sat up pulling you onto his lap. “You are bad,” he said into your ear biting the soft skin of your earlobe. You let out a small moan looking at him, hands on his shoulders. “Only for you,” you said trying to sound seductive.

Tom let out a small laugh and gripped your ass forcing you to grind against his hard member. “Did I do that?” you ask biting your lip keeping up the pace. “Fuck-” Tom murmured flipping you over so he was on top. His hands slide up your very short t-shirt dress, fingers brushing against your covered core. “Tom, stop Zendaya is in the kitchen.” You say closing your eyes. 

“Quickie?” He asked leaving wet kisses on your neck. You tugged at the waistband of his sweats urging him to take them off. He smiled at the acceptance of his request and removed his sweats and boxers. He pulled his shirt over his over his head, force of habit. You lifted your dress up to reveal your underwear. 

Tom slid the underwear down your legs, positioning himself in your entrance. Your hands went for his hair, tugging at his roots anticipating the familiar and enjoyable feeling. 

Holding on to his member, Tom teased your clit eliciting a small moan. “Please, hurry.” You say bringing your hips closer to him. With little warning Tom slid into you filling you up in one swift movement. “Oh fuck-” you say letting your head fall deeper into the pillows. Fingers tangled in his hair. 

You felt Tom start to move holding your hips steadily. “Faster,” you demanded bringing Tom’s face down to crash onto your lips. One of your hands travelled down his back as the kiss deepen and his thrusts quickened. Tom groaned feeling you clench. 

“Fuck- do that again,” he said letting go of your hips and pulling your thighs to the side of his hips, bringing you closer if that was possible. You clenched again receiving another groan from Tom. 

-

Zendaya was standing in the kitchen with Haz, who had arrived a minute ago. She quickly put him to work asking to finish chopping the ingredients you left half chopped. “Where’s Tom?” Haz asked working the knife life a pro. 

“He went to his room. Instagram live. Y/n went up to get him but it’s been-” she looked at her watch, “10 minutes.” She scoffed shaking her head. 

“Oh they’re definitely fucking,” Haz calmly said causing Zendaya to let out a laugh. “Yeah probably, thankfully you’re here to keep my company now.” She said working on the recipe she’d found online. 

“He probably finished the live the second she walked in the room,” he said. Zendaya was washing her hands nodding. She dried her hands with the white towel resting on the counter near her phone. “Let’s see what he was even going on about. Probably talking shit after roasting me for my cooking skills,” she rolled her eyes resting her body against the counter, Haz joining her side. 

Zendaya pulled up Instagram. She found Tom’s icon on the top of her screen, the colorful ring around his photo indicating he’d posted on his story. She tapped on the photo and was instantly bombarded with a dark screen, eggplant emojis, and moans. Haz’s face turned red as he looked at Zendaya. “Oh shit,” he said. 

“Fuck...” Zendaya said, the moans filling up the kitchen. 

“How long has it been going on for?” Haz asked tapping on the phone to rewind the live video. They heard the whole thing. Zendaya’s hand slightly shaking, Haz’s eyes wide. They stood in that position from beginning to present. 

“Oh my god, are we bad friends for watching this instead of going in there to stop it?” she asked looking at Haz. Haz laughed, hand resting on the side of his neck. “It’s kinda hot,” he said regretting it instantly. He felt Zendaya shove his body.

“I didn’t think they were this freaky,” Zendaya said with brows furrowed as she heard you moan Tom’s name. “Yeah we should probably stop them.” Haz said hand ready to turn off the live video. But suddenly they heard “I’m going - gonna- cum” in a tone they’re never heard you speak in before. 

Haz face once again turned bright red as Zendaya moved his hand from her phone. “Maybe let’s just let them finish,” she said shrugging her shoulders. 

-

You felt Tom hit all the right places causing your eyes to shut close, bottom lip bruised from biting on it. “I’m going - gonna- cum”, you moaned feeling Tom deep inside you. With every thrust, you felt him hit your g-spot, pelvis rubbing against your clit. 

“Yes baby- come for me,” Tom groaned gripping your shoulders bodies merging into one. He bit your shoulder, which was still covered by your t-shirt dress. You might as well had taken it off, as it was not pushed above chest, breast hanging from your bra. 

“Nooo, you cum first,” you whined hands wrapped around his neck pulling him closer into the nook of your neck. 

His groans were muffled, his face pressed against your neck. “Come on baby,” you pleaded digging your fingers into his back. It didn’t take much for Tom to speed his movements, skin slapping, moans escaping both your lips. 

“I’m almost there-” he mumbled pressing his lips to your cheek. 

Stars and colors flashed behind your lids. You reached your high as you felt Tom’s thrusts starting to slow. His cock twitching inside you, throbbing, pumping. He’d came. You let yourself unravel under him, your hips bucking, walls clenching. 

You barely had the chance to gather your thoughts, let alone for Tom to pull out, when the door swung open a panicked Zendaya and Haz reaching for Tom’s phone. Haz held on to the phone as Zendaya ended the live.

“What the fuck?” Tom asked pulling the grey blanket resting on his bed over your bodies. “What are you-” he was cut off by Zendaya.

“You guys just fucked on Instagram live!!” she said tossing Tom’s phone near your bodies. Tom’s eyes widen, his mouth falling open. He reached for his phone going into Instagram. “How do I delete it?” he asked panicked fumbling with his phone. 

“The damage is done buddy,” Zendaya exclaimed folding her arms, Haz nodding his head behind her. “You’re fucked, mate.” he said.

Tom turned to look at you, face buried deep in your hands. 

The awkward silence was broken by the sound of Tom’s ringtone. He shut his eyes, slapping his forehead. Showing the screen to the trio. 

It was his publicist. He was in deep shit.

-

MASTERLIST

#tom holland x you #tom holland x reader #tom holland x y/n #tom holland #tom holland imagine #tom holland smut

[har-rison-s]

lasagna evening

request: Could you write some domestic fluff with adult stan uris

A/N: (2020 edit: this was my first ever stanley writing :>) Man oh man do i love this concept. ajsndfjsdf i love, i just love. I apologise for the title lmao i dont have any other ideas alsdfsdjn. This is so fluffy and cliché that you're going to die :D Btw, gifs of Andy Bean are very hard to find and I'm mad about it. Hope this is what you were looking for. Happy reading!

IT masterlist

heaven masterlist

main masterlist

“Honey, I'm home!” Stan says in a louder voice so his loved one could hear him. For she's known to often leave music playing loudly through their apartment and go into another room to do something. He hears the smooth voice of Billie Holiday singing about autumn in New York and he smiles to himself, kicking off his shoes. The music is loud enough for her not to hear him at all. 

He walks into the kitchen, both hands holding a grocery bag tightly until he puts them both on the center counter. Her music is playing right in front of him, just a few feet between him and the sound system. 

“Baby!” He calls again. Stan leaves the bags be and they crinkle a bit, the products falling on top of one another. He walks over to the sound system and turns the song's volume down. And he hears her humming. It's coming from her study.

Stan jogs a little down the hallway to get to her and reaches the door frame of her study. He peaks his head in. “Babylove,” he says and smiles immediately upon seeing his girl sitting on her carpet, her back turned to him, still humming and obviously hunched over something. 

She whips her head around and smiles wide. There's a wicked glimmer in her eyes. “Honey!” She squeals and hurriedly gets up from her position, almost falling over her own legs, and tip-toes over to her one and only. 

He leans in to steal a kiss from her soft angel lips and she still has to stand on her tip-toes for him to succeed. She embraces him then, her arms around his neck, and smiles wide. Stan recieves a loving kiss on the cheek and smiles, too. His eyes are full of love for the woman in front of him. 

“What are you doing in here?” He asks, his hand going in slow circles over her back. 

“Before you turned my music down,” she says, pouting and pointing her index finger into the middle of his chest, “I was listening to Billie and making another small sculpture.” She smiles, proud of herself.

“You're getting inspired again?” Stan raises his eyebrows in happy surprise and his love nods, biting her bottom lip. “So, who's the muse?”

“You, silly.” She says and they both laugh. She notices Stan already glancing behind her shoulder to see what she's making. To not spoil the surprise, she brings his eyes back to her, holding his chin softly. “It's not finished yet. When it will be, you'll be the first to see. And you know that.”

“Of course. You know I'm impatient about seeing your art.” He tells her and tickles her sides a little, making her giggle in the most beautiful way. 

“So,” she claps her hands, “what are we making tonight?”

“Hmm, let's see...” Stan pretends to think, “seeing as I bought the ingredients for lasagna, I guess we're making... lasagna?” He squints, teasing his girl. She laughs and kisses him on the cheek again. And then all over his face, which makes Stanley laugh instead. 

When he's about to plead for breath, she stops and grabs his hand, closing her study door with the other. She drags them both back down the hallway and lets go of Stan's hand to turn the volume higher. Stan gives her a mock-annoyed look, but they both laugh.

One of the billion, trillion things he loves so much about his girl is her energy and youthfulness. They're only two years apart, but Stanley has always felt older than he actually is. And he wanted to enjoy his youth when it was happening, but a lot of things kept him from it. 

Her youthfulness and eagerness and sort-of hyperactivity brings joy in his life. Makes him happy about still being here, having a life. She's brighter than the sun to him in many ways. 

“Do you have the recipe?” Stan asks her as they're unpacking the groceries.

“Uh-huh, I printed it out. It should be next to the sink.” She replies, pulling tomato after tomato out of the bag.

“Terrible place for a paper to be, if you ask me.” He tells her, but she only laughs. Stan walks over to the sink and sure enough, there is a page with a recipe printed on it. And it's not wet. He quickly goes over the ingredients and steps. “So how was work today?”

She works as a museum manager/administrator in a pottery museum in town. Taking that she's an artist herself, she needs to be in an artistic place and area at all times. An administrator might not seem like the job to you, but to her it's the perfect one that pays the bills and takes her on holidays with her loved one. Many artists to meet, artworks to see and inspiration to suck in.

“Quite amazing. You know I met that one artist I've always wanted to host at my museum—”

“Emily Lacey?” Stan finishes instead of her. She nods.

“Yup. And she's even more lovely than I thought she'd be. She's got great sense of humor, a great sense of style, of course, and turns out we have a lot in common.” She tells him. Stan smiles, watching her rush around the kitchen and talk. “She likes to read books, go to the cinema, travelling, hiking.”

“Wow, you two are basically twins.” He states.

“I know, right?” She looks at him with wide eyes, clearly excited. Stanley chuckles. “How was your day?” She asks him. 

“It was good.” He says. “Better now that I'm home.” Stan states and they share a look of love and knowing. “The book is coming along well, there's not much left. And I had to teach a new class today! All the kids were sweethearts.”

“How old were they?” She asks and, while doing so, gives Stan a piece of dough to flatten out. They both start working on a piece.

“Uh, they're... I think second or third grade, so eight to nine.” Stan says in between grunts of pushing the wooden roll on the dough. “Why such a question?”

She shrugs. “Just wondering. Thought they'd put you in a college now.” She admits, and huffs.

“Huh.” He turns to her, puts the roll down and crosses his arms over his chest. “Don't you think I'm good enough for primary school?”

She laughs and huffs again. “No, I think you're more than good enough for primary school, and better than perfect for teaching college kids ornithology.” She tells him, honestly.

“Listen, it's nothing wrong with me.” Stan insists, pointing at his chest and raising his eyebrows. “Ornithology is not the most desired class in college, even for biology majors. So they have one professor in each college that isn't exactly an ornithologyst, but knows enough and can memorise texts from books. And they put that guy to teach ornithology if it's at all necessary.” He explains in detail.

“But that is so unfair! I bet you're not the only ornithologyst without a chance to teach in college, and they put some knock-offs in your place.” She justifies.

“You have a fair point.” Stanley agrees. She smiles wide. 

“I know. You gotta fight for your rights, hon.” She tells him. “We both know that your passion is ornithology and that you're an actual ornithologyst. They should let, whoever's in charge of it, the people who really know what they're talking about teach ornithology. It makes a huge difference for the kids.”

“Listen, if your artist carrier ever flakes, you should become an education politican.” Stan says upon restarting to flatten the dough. His love laughs out loud, holding her tummy. Stanley only smiles wide to himself.

“Can you even imagine me dressed in formal clothes everyday, having that politician-lady haircut, wearing glasses and talking in a very serious voice about the issues of today?” She asks him, mimicking the way politicians speak in the last part. She even makes a funny face. “I could never. I mean, yeah, they pay you like, crazy money, but I'd never do that.” She shakes her head, still quietly laughing to herself. Stanley keeps smiling.

Merely two hours later, the couple have finished their lasagna. They had put on their food-making playlist, which is basically a playlist full of songs that they know all the lyrics to and sing together to at the top of their lungs. Includes ABBA, Queen, David Bowie, Journey, Elton John and many, many others. 

They're happily setting the coffee table in the living room, and they're almost finished. Stan is already turning on the TV, wrapped in a blanket and waiting for his one and only to join him. 

She's still getting them forks and spoons, and when she has, she turns off all the lights in the apartment. Except for the little light in the kitchen above the stove, that one always stays on.

She tip-toes—a habit of hers that is not entirely healthy for her feet—into the living room and puts the instruments down on the table. She collapses into Stan's open, waiting arms with a happy sigh. He wraps the blanket around her and keeps his arm around her, too. 

Her fingers push between his and they lock together. As if their hands were crafted just to be interlocked with the other's, no one else's. They feel like they're made for each other. 

Stanley presses a kiss into her hair. “What are we watching tonight?” He asks, his cheek now pressed where his lips just were.

“Hmm,” she thinks and watches Stan browsing through movies and tv-shows on the screen, “something funny. Don't you think?”

“Yeah, we always watch dramas.” He agrees. “I'm kinda sick of you making me cry every other evening.” Stan admits then, and they both laugh. Stan yawns.

“Do you have a favorite?” She questions, looking up at him. He looks down at her and almost gets hypnotised. Looking at her makes him go a bit weak, every and anytime. The years spent together either don't do anything to help it or even give more to the effect.

“I don't watch that many comedies, not my favorite genre.” He tells her as his hand caresses the side of her face. She closes her eyes to that. “You can choose. Show me your favorite!” He suggests and she smiles. “Just not anything dumb, okay? I know you like those a lot, but, please, spare me.”

She looks at him and rolls her eyes playfully. “Alright, alright.” She agrees and turns to lay on her stomach, over Stan's lap and takes the remote from his hand. “I'll spare your soul from the doom of dumb comedy movies, my prince.” She teases and Stan smiles. “Aha!” She exclaims upon finally finding the movie she was looking for. 

She pushes the 'play' button and reaches for their two plates of lasagna while the intro plays. She straightens her back, sitting normally just like Stan and giving him his lasagna piece.

“Hear ye, hear ye. Feast your eyes and ears with the wonder that is Bruce Almighty!” She theatrically introduces the movie. She likes Shakespeare and Old English, despite that she may not be the best at using it right. Stan smiles at her. 

They lean in to steal a few kisses from each other before indulging in their home-made (hopefully, well-made) lasagna and the world of Jim Carrey's comedy. 

Permanent taglist: @v0idbella @inlovewithmiddleagedcelebs @works-of-fanfiction @destiel-stucky4ever-loki-queen @stfxlou @ur-gunna-h8-ths@empressdreams @betweenloveandfire @but-legendsneverdie@deardeacy @thewinchesterchronicles @mavieesttriste16@mrsmazzello@benhardyseyes @langdonzvoid @intrrverted @the-freak-cassie-131

A/N: Tell me why everytime I look at a picture of Stanley Uris, I immediately want to cry. Oh my God. heurehuherufshfsdh. 

#stanley uris #stan uris #stanley uris x reader #stan uris x reader #stanley uris imagines #stanley uris imagine #stan uris imagines #stan uris imagine #adult!stan uris imagine #adult!stanley uris imagine #adult!stan uris x imagine #adult!stanley uris x reader #it imagine #it imagines #it chapter two imagine #it chapter two imagines #the losers club imagine #the losers club imagines

[general-mahamatra]

Spalbert being domestic? Love your writing!

Spalbert, eh? fuck yeah dude

i’ll admit... i went a bit overboard and its more like “cooking with albert with some added heated making out” but what can i say? i couldnt stop myself

Pairing: Spalbert

Genre: Slice of Life

TW: Suggestive/Mildly Graphic NSFW

Wordcount: 3862

Note: I went overboard please send help. Also, sorry I can’t shorten it! Tumblr hates to work with me when I make these posts and edit them

Cooking dinner was not a common occurrence in the small Conlon-DaSilva apartment. It was rarer than the sight of them doing anything romantic in general.

But their one year anniversary was coming up and Albert wanted to do something special.

He stood in the doorway of the tiny kitchen, hands clasped together just under his chin. He had no idea what he was doing. Despite his years of friendship with Racer, all of the knowledge Albert had gained fell through. The guy barely retained information; he was lucky if he could remember what happened the day before. Hell, he didn’t even know what he had for breakfast that morning.

...did he eat breakfast?

Albert wasn’t too sure about that. His mind drew a blank the harder he thought, only resulting in a minor headache to begin his descent into misery. This wasn’t going to go well, was it?

His eyes slipped shut as he took a deep breath. Slowly, he exhaled, allowing the air to seep out at its own pace.

He can do this. He has the ingredients. He just needs to be careful with instructions and find the recipe Race had given him months ago. It shouldn’t be too hard.

Opening his eyes, Albert let his hands fall to his sides. 

Spot’s not gonna be home for another hour at least. That left plenty of time for Albert to figure out how he was going to do this. After all, last he checked pasta doesn’t take that long to make. Not even the recipe he swore Race sent him. 

Stepping into the kitchen, the ginger was slow. Taking his time to cross the wooden floor. He winced at the cold that rushed against his bare feet. How the hell could wood be so much colder than carpet?

Wait, that’s a stupid question. One of the stupidest Albert ever wondered.

Of course the wood is gonna be colder, it’s not made to be warm.

He padded across the kitchen, eventually making his way to the barely-cleared counter. Neither of them were ones to cook. While there were plenty of different things in the fridge and their cabinets, the most they did at home was make sandwiches. Hell, Albert’s rarely seen Spot eat anything but a sandwich of some sort at home.

Albeit, they would go out a lot. It was the perks of Spot being a personal trainer and Albert working as an electrician… in training. They made enough to support themselves and go out and spend some money for fun. Not a lot, of course. Spot was much more minimalist than Albert, leading to them barely having a stocked fridge.

Albert didn’t mind that. Although he grew up with a decent amount of food in the house, it was nice not to worry about stuff constantly going bad. Christ, they had an entire empty shelf in the door just because they barely had anything.

Except it made it hard for Albert to hide the stuff he bought.

Thankfully, Spot never commented on it.

Not that Albert cared too much. He would’ve brushed it off as wanting to try something new sometime and that’s that. Not like they started dating a year ago and he wanted to make something nice for the guy. Just a simple experiment.

He leaned against the counter with a small huff. If he was going to get anything done, he would have to find the recipe. And by God would that take a long time.

Pulling his phone out of the pocket of his sweatpants, Albert went ahead and pulled up his text messages with Race. It was nice how they never actually texted “normally”. Majority of their conversations were on Snapchat. That meant whenever they sent each other important things, it wouldn’t be lost to chat history.

Of course, that didn’t mean they never sent each other things via text. Even now, it was clear the link Race had sent was drowned out by way too many messages.

It took ages for Albert to scroll through everything. How much time had actually passed was beyond him. It was likely it was maybe a minute or two but to him it felt like way  more. It was stupid, so stupid. Why didn’t he just click the link to save it like a normal person?

Because he’s an idiot, that’s why.

Finally. Finally, he found it. 

He clicked on the link, selecting the option to force it to pull up in Safari.

He’s not gonna lose it and be forced to scroll again. He refused.

By the time he had the link fully pulled up, Albert turned around, setting the phone on the counter. His eyes scanned over the words, a small frown setting into his features. This was far too much work just to make a simple thing of noodles.

Work that would be worth it in the end.

But dear God, there was so much stupid writing in the beginning. There were some helpful tips, yeah, but why did there have to be so much extra stuff? He’ll never understand the world of cooking.

With the page pulled up, Albert moved to the fridge and cabinet respectful, grabbing what he needed to make it. Noodles, vegetables, tomato paste… far too much shit.

Why did he follow through on actually making the sauce from scratch?

This was going to be a shit show.

A shit show that better be worth it in the end.

Albert tapped the screen when he realized it went dark so he could continue reading. Approximately 45 minute cook time, 6 servings. Yeah, that should be fine. They both ate a decent amount and it could be used for leftovers.

Though…

His eyes trailed over to where he had some ground beef thawing from earlier.

He wasn’t sure if he actually wanted to add any meat to it. As much as he knew Spot liked red meats, Albert himself was pescatarian. Which meant he only ate fish. Sometimes he would cave and begrudgingly eat hotdogs or cheeseburgers, but that was only if they were stuck at some sort of arena event.

But he didn’t wanna take that away from Spot. After all, he was prepping the entire meal for him. It shouldn’t matter what Albert liked. He could deal with some beef in the pasta for the sake of his boyfriend.

So, Albert continued on as normal.

He scrolled past the ingredients, already knowing he had everything. The sooner he started the sauce, the better off he would be.

What sucked was the fact he would have to begin immediately with the meat.

Pulling out a decent-sized pot, Albert set it on the stove. It felt a bit weird having to cook meat in it, but he was just following the recipe. It was just going to be awkward for a while.

Taking the bottle of olive oil, he measured out the allotted amount and dumped it into the pot. Then, with a swift motion, he turned the burner on to the designated heat. 

When he went to grab the thawed meat, he paused.

This was the moment where it was all or nothing. As soon as he started cooking the meat, he would have to deal with it for the rest of the meal.

He grabbed a steak knife out of the holder before picking up the package. With a simple swipe, the plastic was sliced open. Setting the blade down, Albert pulled the packaging open.

There was no turning back now.

He carefully dumped the ground beef into the pot before setting the empty plastic to the side. Grabbing a wooden spoon, he looked back at his phone. Upon reading ahead, he was so glad he precut everything. He would’ve dropped dead right then and there if he had to chop anything now.

As the eight minutes passed by, Albert continued to follow the instructions. Soon enough, he was adding the onions before letting it simmer.

Idly, he stirred the pot from time to time. His eyes were mostly glued on his phone, scrolling through TikTok like his life depended on it. It was a nice way to pass the time.

By the time Albert was on the final step with the sauce, he had calmed down a bit. Not that he was too antsy, he was just… nervous. He wanted this to be perfect. The two weren’t able to go out anywhere fancy since apparently a lot of people have anniversaries in June. Either that or people were a bit too eager to go out to eat during the sixth month of the year.

After adding in the tomato paste and garlic and a select few other ingredients, he made care to stir it for almost exactly a minute. It wasn’t too hard given the next video he watched was just barely 50 seconds, so there was a plus there.

Jumping back to the recipe, Albert scanned over the next step before setting the phone down, screen up. He needed to add water, some crushed tomatoes, salt, and a “generous pinch” of pepper. Then all he had to do was stir it and let it simmer on low for 25 minutes. Not too bad.

With a quick glance ahead, Albert took note he had to start cooking the pasta itself 10 minutes in. Alright.

He followed the instructions, scraping the meat and veggies off the bottom of the pan before officially letting it simmer. With a quick set of the timer, Albert turned his attention back to his phone. 

Opening YouTube, it didn’t take long for him to find a 7 minute video.

He stood there, hunched over the counter with his elbows propped up on the stone. Occasionally, he would move back to the stove to stir the sauce. Of course, he didn’t pay too much attention.

When the video finished, Albert jumped into action with the pasta. There was 17 minutes left on the timer, meaning he had a couple minutes to spare. Maybe then he could figure out how much salt he’s supposed to put in the damn water.

In the end it wasn’t too hard to gauge. He just dumped a decent amount into the half-full pot and set it on the burner diagonal from the sauce. Turning the handle away from the main walkway, Albert turned the dial to let it boil and stepped back. It wasn’t going too bad.

Turning back to the sauce, he picked up the wooden spoon and stood there for a moment. The website had mentioned that he should taste it from time to time, make sure it was properly seasoned.

But the stuff was hot, he didn’t wanna burn his tongue.

He pursed his lips, staring at the red sauce as it continued to simmer on the hot burner. A small taste wouldn’t hurt. After all, he can just blow on it and be on with his life. He just didn’t want to have to suffer through dinner with a burnt tongue, unable to taste what he made.

Albert dipped the spoon into the pot, scooping a small amount of the pasta sauce.

With one simple taste, he was surprised to find it didn’t taste half bad. He did pretty good for his first try.

Now that he was content, Albert went back to watching YouTube. 

It wasn’t long before the water was boiling and he had to grab the noodles. 

With the box in his hands, Albert read over the directions on the side to get a good grasp of how long to cook the pasta. The label stated 10 minutes, which meant he would have to start testing it at about 8 minutes. That wouldn’t be too hard.

He opened the box and dumped the noodles out. It felt oddly surreal seeing the long noodles stick straight out of the pan. As much as he had seen spaghetti cooked in videos and on TV, he had never actually witnessed the process.

It was at that moment anxiety decided to hit him like a truck. Full on, straight into his chest. It was almost like a physical force had knocked him into an altered form of reality. Suddenly he was hyperaware; his clothing rubbed wrong against his skin, he heard every noise in the apartment along with the sizzling of the sauce and faint blabbering of the video. Everything was shoved full force into his senses.

Albert stood there, box in hand as he tried to process it all. 

His heart pounded against his ribs, ramming against it as if it were trying to break free. At the same time, a shiver coursed through his body, adding to the bizarre sense of consciousness.

His racing heart was what made his thoughts move a mile a minute.

What if Spot doesn’t like it? What if he came home with some fast food takeout like a normal day and it was all in vain? Does Spot even like pasta?

Fuck, is Spot allergic to pasta?

God. Shit. Fuck. He forgot to check what Spot was allergic to. What if he grabbed something and used it and Spot broke out into hives? God, that would be the worst anniversary ever.

A small whimper made itself heard and Albert was thankful he was alone. It was a pathetic sound, one of worry and panic that he never allowed the public to hear.

He finally set the box down, his vision blurred and unfocused as he stared at the cooking food. It’s going to be fine, it’s all going to be fine. Spot’s his boyfriend, he would know if the guy was allergic to something. 

But… What if Spot lied? Or… What if he doesn’t like the meal?

He didn’t put it beyond Spot -- or anyone for that matter -- to pretend to like the food and just order something later in the night. Anyone with a sense of decency would wait until Albert had long since fallen asleep.

Albert closed his eyes, taking a shaky deep breath through his nose.

Everything’s gonna be alright.

Nothing will go wrong.

Albert peeked one of his eyes open to glance down at the cabinet next to him. Quickly, as if he were worried about embarrassing himself, he knocked on the wood.

By the time he managed to get himself to settle down, the noodles were nearly done. It was a bit odd knowing he had spaced off for almost 10 minutes, but it happened nonetheless. He just hoped the stuff didn’t need to be stirred too much.

Following the rest of the cooking instructions, he ended off with strained pasta being tossed into the pot of sauce. With a quick stir, Albert stepped back and sighed. It was basically done. He did it.

A small smile tugged at his lips only to be whisked away.

There’s still so many possibilities of him fucking this over.

He could spill the sauce, overcook it as he waited for Spot, forget to dress up nice… but he had plenty of time. There was at least 15 minutes before his boyfriend was home.

Albert rested his arms on the counter, allowing his head to lul forward as he shut his eyes. It was almost 7 P.M., it was barely evening. At this point on a normal day he would’ve been wide awake playing video games or watching videos. Hell, maybe he’d even be harassing Spot, who knows.

But this isn’t a normal day, it’s their fucking anniversary. And now he’s exhausted for no fucking reason.

How much worse could it possibly get?

He pressed one of his hands to his face, letting out an exasperated sigh. He stayed like that for a while, ignoring the blaring time on the stove. He knew better than to assume he’d be in a position like that for much longer than a minute.

The light click of the front door closing went unnoticed by Albert. Despite how aware he had been earlier, suddenly he was ignorant. Everything that went on around him was ignored, purposely or not. His fatigue was enough to keep him bent over the counter, his eyes shut and head resting in his hand for support.

He didn’t notice the rustling just outside the kitchen or the heavy footsteps that followed. Hell, he barely even realized there was a presence nearby before a strong pair of hands settled on his hips.

“Well, isn’t this a surprise?”

Albert practically jumped out of his skin. He tried to spin around but only ended up knocking his hand against the knife holder. He hissed out a few colorful words and in the end, didn’t turn.

His boyfriend’s arms slid around his waist, allowing the familiar feeling of the shorter man being pressed against him be made known.

“Didn’t think I’d ever see you in the kitchen,” Spot teased, resting his chin on Albert’s shoulder.

The simple, solid touch instantly made Albert relax. Tension he didn’t even realize he still had faded away and left him loose against his boyfriend. It was nice.

“Well, jokes on you, here I am,” Albert said back, smiling slightly. He tilted his head a bit as he tried to look at the brunette. 

A small hum came from the shorter man, the vibrations sending a shiver down Albert’s spine. “And what brings you here?”

That was when the panic returned.

Every inch of Albert tensed up, his attention darting over to the spaghetti. Fuck, he didn’t even prepare it. It’s still in the pot and he hasn’t even gotten dressed.

As if he noticed the tension, Spot gently caressed his thumb along Albert’s side. “Hey, it’s fine. You good?”

Albert tore his gaze away from the food and forced a small smile. “Yeah, I am.” Once again, he managed to relax. The feeling of Spot trying to offer physical comfort being enough to loosen him up. Though, it didn’t necessarily take off the edge.

What did was the sly movement of hands reaching up his shirt, running along his skin until they were on his lower back. The feeling of calloused fingers barely grazing his body made his breath hitch. He bit his lower lip, forcing himself to focus on that instead.

It wasn’t a surprise that Spot knew just what to do to get Albert’s mind off of things. The way the brunette moved along his body was distracting enough. It was even more to have the man reach up higher, almost as if he were exploring.

Except, is it even exploring if it’s already known?

“If you say so,” Spot said with yet another hum before leaning in.

A soft kiss pressed against Albert’s neck, causing his eyes to flutter shut. It was a pleasant feeling, one that spread warmth throughout his body. The warmth gradually grew fiery as the kissing continued. They were rougher than the initial one, eliciting a slight reaction from the ginger.

He tilted his head, hoping to allow the man more access. Despite it being from behind, Albert was mildly surprised the reach the brunette had.

It was always difficult for him to think about how exactly any of this was possible.

The rough hands that still held his body slid down to his hips and held tight. For a short moment, Spot pulled away just enough to spin the taller boy around. The movement was enough for Albert to glance down, offering a smile.

Said smile was immediately cut off by lips crashing into his. Once again, Spot was pressed up against him, pinning him against the counter.

Instead of returning to his upper body, Spot slipped his fingers just below the waistband. His thumbs pressed low, just enough to get Albert to try and squirm. It wasn’t unwelcome. In fact, it was far from it. It just happened to be foreign yet again.

It was hard to focus on the chapped lips that moved so perfectly against his own, not with the small pokes and prods from Spot. There was so much going on at once that Albert didn’t know what to pay attention to or when.

Spot’s kisses trailed away from Albert’s mouth, pressing against his jaw as he slowly made his way to the ginger’s neck. Each one made him shiver, sending a shock down to the rest of his body.

Without the constant action, Albert was free to let his lips part as he basked in the moment. It all felt so wonderful, so… nice. He didn’t want it to end and he wanted more.

It was the first nip along his throat that extracted a quiet squeak from the taller man. The rush that ran through him at that very second nearly made Albert go limp. He hadn’t realized how deprived he’d been until then. And by God, was it amazing.

Spot’s hands dipped further, causing Albert to let out one of the most pathetic noises he’d ever made.

It was almost hilarious considering just how tough he likes to make himself seem. All stoic and angry and yet Spot always managed to do the perfect thing.

He could practically feel the smirk against his neck, making his cheeks heat up way more than necessary. Of course Spot would be cocky about it.

Any thought Albert had was cut off by the abrupt feeling of being groped. He hadn’t even realized the shorter man had moved one of his hands. With his focus on the bites, any other action had gone unnoticed.

A stifled moan slipped out of his mouth.

God, this was far better than the spaghetti.

The pleasurable heat that emanated from his groin was enough to let Albert forget about the food. If he could just get Spot to do more-

Wait.

The spaghetti.

Albert’s eyes shot open and he scrambled to push Spot away. The brunette backed off as some as Albert began to push, knowing better than to try and continue. He frowned at the ginger, his brows furrowed with confusion and worry.

“You alright?”

Albert nodded, shifting a bit as he tried to regain any composure he had prior. “Yeah, don’t worry.” He spun around, stumbling a bit as he scrambled to turn the burner off. He didn’t need the pasta overcooking. 

Sheepishly, he turned back to Spot. “I just… I didn’t want to keep it on too long.” Spot tilted his head at the comment. “I wanted to cook something for tonight and I didn’t want it to be overdone.” Albert bit the inside of his cheek for a moment before continuing. “I’ve never done this before. Cooking, that is, obviously.”

Realization washed over Spot’s features as the shorter man smiled up at him. That smile shifted into a grin within seconds when his eyes fell onto the pot. “Then let’s eat. We can continue later.”

Albert would’ve been perfectly fine if Spot didn’t wink right after that.

The sheer action nearly kicked his knees out from under him.

“Yeah,” Albert managed to say, swallowing as he tried to form words. “Later. Definitely. Yes.”

Spot smirked at the reaction, a bit too pleased with it in Albert’s eyes.

Maybe it would be a great anniversary after all. 

#Newsies #spot conlon #albert dasilva #spot conlon x albert dasilva #spalbert #newsies fic #slice of life #request #heelys gang #prince's writing

[tbzhours]

plan hyunj(a)e

hyunjae x you, fluff 

[summary] hyunjae has been sulking because you couldn’t meet him these days so you decided to make a surprise visit  [words] 1.6k  [a/n] this was so fun to write; made him kinda clingy but enjoy ♡

It must have been the fifth time Hyunjae had complained about you not being able to see him that morning. Some of his friends watched him rolled onto the couch, head diving first as he whined between his words. Some of them laughed quietly, pointing a finger at him so the others could see the funny scene. 

“Hey, Hyunjae. Why don’t you come eat something to ease that away?” Younghoon asked from the kitchen, his voice beaming across the room. He was munching on some cereal with Jacob before he muffled a giggle with it in his mouth. 

Hyunjae whined again, snuggling his face into the pillow on the couch. He curled his arms with it, as if it were your chest. Sangyeon, who was sitting on the floor in front of him where he was enjoying the show on the TV screen, turned around as he sipped his can. He looked past the baby boy and met eyes with Changmin, who was sitting on the edge of the couch with his hands in his pockets. 

“What’s wrong with him?” Sangyeon whispered quiet enough so that Changmin would read his lips. 

“(Y/N) hasn’t been able to come see him. He’s hurt.” Changmin whispered with the back of his hand by his lips toward Sangyeon as he nodded. He almost laughed at the way Changmin’s nose wrinkled at him because of how hurt Hyunjae was. It was an exaggeration but it was always so fun to tease him. 

Changmin looked behind him, making eye contact with Younghoon and Jacob in the distance before they all smiled sneakily. He moved his attention back to the crying baby on the couch and offered as he played his fingers with the fabric inside his pockets. 

“Say, Hyunjae. Do you want to go to the store with me? We need a few----.” Changmin scribbled at Hyunjae’s hair, annoying him when he moved his head from stuffing it into the pillow and glared at him. Changmin giggled and continued, “Come on. You said they’ll come tomorrow.” 

Hyunjae got up and set the pillow onto his lap with his legs crossed. He let out a deep sigh as your last text from last night lingered in his mind. Seeing him soon seemed to take lightyears for it to happen. “I can’t wait any longer.” 

“Yes you can, just like how you are now.” Changmin made a point but he was still smiling. He almost squinted at his friend, a question running through his mind to convince him as he remembered how Hyunjae needed a new toothbrush since his was getting rusty. “Don’t you need anything too?” 

“(Y/N).” Hyunjae frowned, looking through the wall beside the TV. Changmin shook his head before he looked at Sangyeon, who shrugged back with a soft smile painted on his face. He had never seen Hyunjae like this but he was awfully cute to him. 

You, on the other hand, were glad that his friends were able to get him out of their shared house so you could sneak inside. The plan seemed to have worked when Jacob opened the door, seeing your lips curving all around. 

“He’s gone.” Jacob confirmed, smiling widely back before letting you their place. It’s been a while as you stepped into the kitchen, remembering how Hyunjae never wanted to let you go when he knew you had to be gone for a while after locking you around his arms. Your lips smiled at the scene playing in your head before you saw Younghoon standing where Hyunjae had leaned you against with his clingy hug. 

“Oh, good. You’re finally here.” Younghoon rolled his eyes but you knew he was just playing when he laughed afterwards. “He’s been crying all week.” 

“I bet.” You laughed, your fingers fiddling at the bottom of your shirt. “Sorry I had to let that happen.” 

“Well, you’re here now to save the day.” He shrugged, his phone in the air where he had been checking the list of food that you’d be making with Hyunjae and his friends later. “We can prepare things later after Hyunjae and Changmin get back.” Younghoon touched the packed foods and ingredients on the counter in front of him then he winked at you. “You should head in there.” 

Your eyebrow heightened as you shot a finger at him, agreeing with him before you slid your feet across the food and into Hyunjae’s room where the little surprise would happen. 

When you closed the door, you sighed. The sudden thought of his face made you smile like an idiot behind the door. You looked up, biting your lower lips before you turned around where his bed was at. It was tidy up--the entire room actually. Maybe he had missed you so long that he was distracting himself so he wouldn’t. 

You walked over to it with your hands behind your back. Your steps were slow yet playful, feeling shy around his room then you sat on the edge of his bed. Your hands hovered over the straightened blanket, missing his smell all of a sudden and your cuddles with him. You looked over at his desk and saw a frame of you and him from your picnic date last summer. You burst a quiet giggle at the thought of him getting some sweet sauce on his nose and a bee chasing him around the park that day. 

You fell back, resting on his bed as all you could think of was him, him holding your hand, him hugging you, him kissing you, him laughing with you. There were so much you wanted to do with him now that you’re not busy anymore. You wished time move faster as you pretended to sleep but you didn’t too because you wanted to spend a whole lot of time with him. 

You missed him so much that you almost shed a tear, smiling there all alone. 

But, Hyunjae was coming and you could wait just as he did too. 

You opened your eyes, sighing, not knowing if you were nervous to see your favorite person again or scared that he’d make you cry because it’s been so long. Your mind went off when you heard the front door along with his voice calling Younghoon out to help with the bags. 

“Why are there so many ice cream boxes?” You heard Younghoon asking as you got up to listen. 

“Don’t even ask.” Hyunjae’s voice sounded annoyed as you laughed. You felt kinda bad his friends had to deal with him like that. You hoped your visit will make their friendship more sweet. 

“What’s that in your hand?” Jacob asked, obviously trying to get him into his room. He didn’t know if it worked but Hyunjae’s feet was heading that way anyway. 

“My toothbrush.” Hyunjae glared at him because Jacob already knew yet he still asked. He shook his head as Jacob laughed silently with Changmin, Younghoon and Sangyeon, who just came out of the bathroom. You forgot to greet him but that can wait. 

As Hyunjae’s feet got louder, your heart beat faster. You stood up, standing in front of his bed until his hand reached for the doorknob. You could feel your cheeks burning and your toes tipping in anticipation when he twisted it, pushing it open. 

When the door was left wide open with the moment he saw you, Hyunjae’s eyes widened. You smiled hard, tears seeming to cover your eyes when he called your name. He dropped his bag and ran to you. You could see the sparkles in his eyes and the smushed smile he had on his face before he wrapped his arms around you with your opened arms. He pushed you onto the bed from the run, snuggling so tightly at your neck that you couldn’t breath. You yelped because his lips tickled at your skin. 

“(Y/N), WHY ARE YOU HERE?” Hyunjae shouted, his voice being mumbled at his pillow. His lips beamed and you could tell, he was so happy to see you. 

“Surprise!” You giggled before he got up to look at you. You watched his eyes gazing into yours as if he had lost them for a moment. 

“A surprise? Don’t tell me the boys knew too!” 

You nodded and he quickly snuggled back into you, bursting all of the laughs you needed at the tight hug. You both didn’t see all of the eyes his friends made when they heard you. Some of them shook their heads because Hyunjae didn’t catch the clue about you coming over a day early. He really was a fool for you when they all made eye contact with their proud smiles. 

Hyunjae started to plant kisses all over your face as you tried to stop him when you laughed again. 

“Hyunjae, please! Stop that, I can’t breathe!” 

“I missed you so much! I can’t believe you surprised me like that, I’m not going to let you go today!” He exclaimed in between irresistible kisses. He shook you when he got you into his arms again, bursting your heart. You almost gave him a weird look when he got up and gave you another look. “You have to tell me everything while you were gone but first thing first, I missed you.” 

“You idiot.” You shook your head with a smile on your face before you fixed your arms over his shoulder and curled them behind his head so your fingers could caress his hair. Your eyes lingered into his before you pulled him to you, connecting your lips for a long second. It was short but sweet, yet full of longing before you pushed him back so you could whisper back to him, “I missed you too.” 

Hyunjae smiled softly as he leaned in again for another kiss but this time, it was filled with all of the things he missed about you. He wondered if you could handle all of the work his lips were about to do when he smiled against your lips. 

#the boyz #tbznetwork #tbzfics #the boyz scenarios #the boyz imagines #hyunjae #tbz #tbz scenarios #tbz imagines #hyunjae imagine #hyunjae scenario #fluff

[creativeskullcreations]

Outside chapter 7: Article Delivery

Ugh, this one took forever to write. Not because it was hard to do, but I think I burnt myself out a little bit. So! For anyone who doesn't already know, chapters will now be uploaded every two weeks. So two(2) weeks from now, on Monday, chapter 8 should go up! As for this chapter, it's more of a transitional chapter than anything. Although there is a few important details in here. Maybe you can notice, maybe it'll be more obvious later.

When Stacy woke up next, it was to Scout once again sleeping on her chest. With some maneuvering she managed to get up without waking the Puppet, leaving her laying in the middle of the bed. She then went in to the bathroom, where she changed her bandages and got ready for the day. By the time she came back out, Scout had woken up herself and moved back to the living room.

Feeling bad about the night before, Stacy went to the kitchen and got out some ingredients. Bread was set on the counter. A pan went on the stove. Milk, eggs, and a little bit of cinnamon were mixed into a bowl. She soaked the bread in the mixture, then put it in the pan. Quickly, the smell of french toast filled the apartment, and she heard the TV pause. Seconds later Scout was on the counter, looking at the pan from behind the still mostly full loaf of bread.

"What's that?" She asked, leaning as close as she dared. She could feel the heat coming from the stove, and was wary of getting closer. Stacy grinned, checking the bottom of the bread.

"French toast. It's a breakfast food, commonly eaten with peanut butter and maple syrup. And it's delicious!" She flipped it, then set the spatula down to grab a couple of plates from the cupboard. "How much do you think you'll eat? This is all we'll be getting until lunch."

If Scout could salivate, she would be drooling all over the counter. "Twenty!" She told her Host seriously. Stacy paused, looking her up and down.

"How about two." She said. "They're kinda big and you're kinda... not."

"Fiiiiiine." The Puppet groaned, watching as she placed two pieces of toast on one plate, and the last piece on the other. She put them on the table, then got out the peanut butter and syrup while Scout Jumped to her plate.

Stacy showed her how to spread the peanut butter, which Scout copied with some difficulty. The second piece looked better than the first, but it still wasn't as good as Stacy's. The knife was too big and unwieldy for the Puppet to use properly, though her pride kept her from asking her Host for help.

Though her Host did have to help with the syrup, the bottle being far too heavy for her to lift by herself. Though, once she saw how liquid it was, she didn't let Stacy put much on either piece, with the second one getting absolutely none on it.

She had to use two forks to keep her hands clean, but Scout found herself loving the french toast. She wasn't entirely sure what made it different from regular toast, but it was the tastiest thing she'd eaten so far. Even the one with the syrup wasn't so bad, even though she could feel it soaking into her fabric as she ate it.

"This is fucking good!" She told Stacy around a mouthful of tasty bread. The Host just grinned, sticking another small bite in her own mouth.

"Glad you like it. It's one of my favorite breakfast foods." She told her, poking at her slice with her fork. Scout thought she looked a bit distracted, but ignored it to eat her own toast. By the time she'd finished her two slices, Stacy hadn't even gotten through half of hers. When she saw Scout staring at it, she willingly gave it up to the Puppet, taking the empty plate to the sink.

"So, I gotta go take the article to Carol today." The Host said as she washed Scout's plate. "But I'm gonna give her the fake one I wrote up yesterday. It should be enough to keep people out of that place, without drawing too much attention to it."

"Sounds good. When do we leave?" Scout asked, pushing the last plate over towards Stacy, who hesitated before picking it up.

"I mean, if you want to stay here, you can." She told her quietly, turning and putting the plate in the sink. "You don't have to go just because I do."

Scout frowned. "Yeah, but I want to come." She insisted, finding it odd. Just a couple days ago Stacy seemed upset that she wouldn't go with to wash some rugs, but now she wanted to be alone. It was just confusing to the Hand Puppet.

"If that's what you want to do..." Stacy didn't sound sure, and it was starting to annoy the Puppet with how inconsistent she was being.

"Yeah, it's what I want to fucking do." She said angrily, and felt a little smug at the wince Stacy gave in response. Other than that, the Host ignored the outburst and finished washing the dishes, only to pause when she picked up a fork. She glanced between the Puppet and utensil, frowning, and Scout felt her stuffing go cold.

'Oh shit! She's gonna stab me!' The Puppet panicked, looking for a hiding place. But, other than deepening her frown, Stacy did nothing and just put the fork to dry with the rest of the dishes. She then drained the sink, drying her hands, and heading to the living room.

As she passed the table, she picked Scout up, almost cradling her as she grabbed something off of the TV table. She settled on to the couch, placing the Puppet in her lap and leaning back.

"What are you doing?" She asked while the Host turned on the TV and changed the channel. It looked similar to Netflix, but there was just one row of pictures, rather than several. She watched as Stacy did something with the large, square-ish remote in her hands.

"I'm making you a profile on my Switch so you can play games." She told the Puppets, choosing a little pink round thing for an icon. "And then I'm gonna teach you how to play. We'll start with something simple, like Kirby."

"Kirby?" That wasn't something Scout had ever heard of before. But she didn't have much time to think it over as soon Stacy had taken the controller apart and handed her the blue half. She was then given a quick rundown of how to work it, and and told to select the first game on the list.

They watched the cut-scene, then got right into the game. Scout was playing the pink thing, who was apparently supposed to be Kirby. Stacy was playing... something else. It changed a lot and Scout couldn't really keep up. Still, with the Host guiding her they managed to get through the first few levels without dying. The Puppet was actually getting into it when Stacy suddenly quit the game, leaving her alone.

"Hey!" Scout yelled as she stood and left the room. "Where are you going?"

"I gotta go get dressed, it's almost time to go." Stacy told her. "Don't worry, we can bring the Switch and you can play it while I talk to Carol."

"But-" Scout went unheard as Stacy went into her bedroom, leaving the Puppet alone with the game. She let out a small growl, then picked up her controller again. When Stacy came back out, dressed up in nice jeans and a light yellow collared shirt, it was to Scout beating up Wispy with Fire Kirby and three Burning Leos. She watched and, when the boss fight was finished, clicked the Switch into sleep mode.

"Hey! I was still playing!" Scout protested, but Stacy ignored her and took the switch out of it's stand. She took apart the remote, snapping the colored parts onto the small screen.

"I know." She said, slipping it into her backpack. "That's why it's going with us, so you can keep playing."

Scout stared, looking between Stacy and the TV. "... We can do that?!"

Stacy just sighed, having to fight off a small smile of amusement. "Yeah. We can do that." She finished packing up her stuff and pulled on her hoodie, then held out her open bag to the Puppet. "Want me to carry you, or do you wanna ride in the bag?"

"Like I would ever ride in that thing." Scout scoffed, and the Host hid a smile at that. She slung her bag onto her back and picked up the Puppet, who then climbed up her arm to hide in her hood.

'Adorable...' Stacy thought as she felt Scout settle in to the lowered hood. Hopefully she'd be out of view of any passerby, at least until Stacy got to the truck. If not, they could always go with the toy story again, it worked last time.

The Host made her way out of the apartment, locking up as she went. She didn't meet anyone on the way, and they made it to the truck without incident. Stacy climbed inside, putting her bag on the floorboard in front of the passenger seat. She then dug Scout out of her hood and dropped her in said seat. While she considered if it was worth it to make her buckle up, the Puppet went straight for the bag, prompting Stacy to grab her by the back of her "shirt".

"You can't play the Switch while the car's moving, I don't want to find out if you can get carsick. You can play when we get to the college." Stacy told her, pulling her against the back of the seat.

"I won't get car sick!" Not that Scout knew what that was, of course. But it had the word sick, and she wasn't sick. She wasn't even sure she could get sick, for that matter.

"Not that you know of." The Host countered, pulling out from the parking lot. "And, frankly, I don't really want to find that out right now."

Scout pouted, but let it go, instead watching out the window as they drove the short distance to Stacy's college. It was a nice looking building, different to what the apartment buildings were like. It was made of red brick, with a green slanted roof, and was much wider and even a bit taller than Stacy or Sammy's apartment buildings.

Stacy parked in the mostly empty lot, then grabbed her bag and pulled the Switch out of it, which she handed to the Puppet. She then made sure the windows were rolled down just enough to let some fresh air in and keep the cab from being too hot.

"Okay, so I'm going to go talk to Carol about the article. You stay here and play Kirby. I'll be back soon, okay?"

"Yeah, sure." Scout answered, already distracted with loading the game back up. Stacy just smiled a little and got out of the truck. She locked both doors, then pocketed the keys and made her way into the building.

Being close to the end of Spring Break, there were more people around than she would've liked. But, it made sense that the students were starting to come back. It was Thursday, after all, and classes started up next week.

'Ah geez, what am I gonna do with Scout? She can't come to class with me, it'd be a disaster! Either the others would freak out, or she would.' She clutched the strap of her bag tighter as she approached the new office. 'Maybe she can stay with Will sometimes? Or I could get her a cellphone? I don't know if I can let her be alone at the house without a way to contact me. What if she turns the stove on and hurts herself? Or gets stuck somewhere?'

She paused and pulled a small note book and pen out of her bag, on which was already a short list. She quickly scribbled cellphone/flip phone at the bottom, then put it back. She was already planning a trip to Walmart when she was done here, so she could pick one up during that.

She entered the office, nodding to Adam as she passed his desk. To her relief, he seemed like the only one there other than Carol, which would make talking to her boss a lot easier.

Carol herself was currently hunched over two separate laptops, typing furiously with one hand on each. Stacy wasn't entirely sure what she was doing, but somehow she managed to keep her focus equal between them.

Truly, she was a wonder of an editor, and it almost made Stacy sad she'd have to disrupt her.

"Boss!" Didn't stop her from shouting her name and smacking the desk, though. And, to her credit, Carol didn't even flinch as she kept typing. only briefly glancing up at the reporter.

"Are you finally here with your article?" She spoke quickly, but was obviously very annoyed. Stacy just gave her the most shit eating grin she could as she dropped the USB on the desk.

"Sure have!" And here it was, moment of truth. Time to see just how good at lying she really was. "It was pretty boring, actually. Most interesting thing was the big hole in the floor from the fire way back when." She shrugged nonchalantly. "Send me somewhere cool next time, mkay?" 'Nailed it.'

Carol glanced from USB to Host, brow furrowing. "And the missing homeless people? Those were supposed to be a big draw in the article."

"Probably fell down the hole or something. I don't know, it was pretty dangerous in there so I couldn't get too far in." She leaned against the desk, looking at a framed issue of their paper on the wall.

"Hmm..." It was clear Carol wasn't fully buying the lie, and Stacy was glad she'd put on extra deodorant. "Did you at least make it sound interesting enough? There's no time for you to find somewhere better."

"Do you really doubt me on that, Boss?" She asked. "And here I thought you knew me better than that."

"Ugh, fine. I'll put your story in." The editor sighed, but couldn't keep a small smile off her face. "You gonna stick around for a while?"

"Nope! I got some shopping to do." Stacy informed her. "I'll see ya on Monday, though." She gave a wave as she turned and left. As she passed Adam's desk she tipped over the cup holding his pencils, giving a quiet cackle when he jumped at the clatter.

As she walked back the way she came, she reached up to grab at her bag strap with her left hand, only to pause as she realized it had gone numb. She rubbed it vigorously with her other hand, wincing when the pins and needles started. 'Ugh! Is my hoodie too tight or something?' She stretched the cuff of her sleeve a little bit, then shoved her hands in her pockets as she finally left the building.

She blinked as she came out into the sun, making her way across the lot to her truck, where she spotted a cat on the hood. As she approached it ran off, and a quick glance in the window showed Scout staring after the cat with her tongue sticking out.

Biting back a laugh at the frankly adorable sight, she climbed into the drivers seat, almost losing it when Scout turned towards her, tongue still out. She managed to keep her composure, but only barely, and hoped the Puppet hadn't noticed.

"So are we going home now?" She asked, finally putting her tongue back where it belonged. Stacy shook her head, starting the truck.

"Nope, gotta go to Walmart now." She told her "I've got some stuff to pick up. And put the Switch down, I need to start driving."

"No. I'm not carsick." Scout told her, already turning back to the screen. The Host frowned, but didn't say anything more. If she wanted to learn this the hard way, then she could.

Sure enough, not five minutes she was yanking the Switch out of Scout's hands, dropping it into her lap as the tell tale gagging sounds started. She pulled over with a sigh. Once parked she grabbed a roll of paper towels and a half used water bottle from the floor board, ready to start the clean up process.

At least her seats were easy to clean.

#outside #hello puppets #scout #stacy stein #carol fitzgerald

[banditthewriter]

Sweet Treat - Billy Russo

Prompt: Can I request one-shot with Reader - ray of sunshine/baking goddess/must be protected at all costs- moving into a new place and trying to make casual conversation and bringing baked goods and stuff to her neighbour Billy (who probably hates her but he works a lot and looks sometimes so sad and okay, maybe she has a crush on him)? Prompter: Anonymous

I don’t know what happened with this one. It started sweet and somehow ended smutty. But hope you still like it!

Warning: Smutty! 

Tags are at the bottom. Let me know if you would like to be added to one of my tag lists!

*gif is mine*

Enjoy!

*****

The new apartment was so much bigger than your old one. It had a lot of open space, tall windows, and natural light. The whole apartment was amazing, but the reason you signed on the dotted line without a second thought was the kitchen. It was huge.

The last place that you lived had a lack of counter space but that definitely wasn’t a worry with this place. You had more counter space than you knew what to do with. Plus a large island that separated the kitchen from the living room.

So much space. And you couldn’t wait to get back and break it in.

You were shifting the bags from one arm to the other so that you could pull out your keys. As the elevator doors slid open, you didn’t look up before you stepped out. It caused you to smack right into someone, your bags dropping with a loud clatter.

“I’m so sorry,” you apologized as you knelt down to try to gather the utensils that had rolled out of your bags, “I wasn’t looking where I was walking. I’m not usually that rude.”

An Italian shoe came down and stopped your rolling pin from rolling away. You picked it up and then peered up at the person you’d run into.

Of course it was the ridiculously attractive man that lived on this hall. There were only four people on this floor so your odds of it being anyone but the one person you wouldn’t have wanted to make a fool of yourself in front of?

“Here,” he said as he bent down to scoop up some of the other things that had fallen, pushing them into the bags on the ground. “At least you didn’t buy eggs.”

That would have been horrible. You accepted the bag from him with a smile, trying not to jolt when his fingers brushed against yours.

“Thank you. And I’m sorry again,” you repeated as you stood up, making sure you had everything. “I promise to be more aware of my surroundings.”

He simply raised an eyebrow before he stood up, pulling his phone back out of his pocket. He gave you a stiff nod as he slid past you, pushing the down button for the elevator.

You closed your eyes for a moment, scolding yourself for being such an idiot. Great first impression.

You made your way to your door. It gave you an opportunity to look back down the hall without it being too obvious. You looked just in time to see the doors close, separating you from the man that was staring down at his phone.

Of course the first person that you got a crush on in a long time and it was an emotionally stunted businessman who could double as a model if he needed to.

In your apartment you set down the bags. You flicked through your phone until you found something you liked, turning the music on through the bluetooth speakers on the counter. With music playing, you moved around the kitchen to put up your new purchases.

It wasn’t that you really needed new things, but you had felt like a chance. Of course you kept the things that you’d had before; just bought new things, not replaced anything. You had more than enough room in this apartment for all your new items and then some.

With music playing and in the mood to make something, you pulled out the ingredients that you would need. You decided to stick with one of your favorite desserts, setting about making the pie crust from scratch. It lulled you into some form of a trance as you went through the motions.

You could make this with your eyes closed and one hand tied behind your back.

The pie in the oven, you made your way to the couch and settled in. The newspaper had been delivered this morning but you’d just brought it inside without reading it. Now that you had some time, you unfolded it and looked over the first page.

Death, destruction. It was the same thing over and over. You turned the pages with little interest until you saw something familiar. It was a small photo and article, above the fold. The article talked about a business that was teeming with untapped abilities and how it played a middle ground between the elites and protection. The photo, on the other hand, was of a man speaking to a few men wearing polos and an earpiece.

The man was your neighbor.

It had his name listed as William “BIlly” Russo, the owner and CEO of Anvil. Well at least now you knew his name.

You put the first section away. The sports section followed it; you might enjoy sports, but you weren’t about to subject yourself to reading articles about them in your free time.

The third section was the lifestyle section. You flipped through the first few pages with interest until you found what you were looking for. You hadn’t been sure where it would be in the paper, but it was on the fourth page.

Being a food critic, among other things, had its perks. You used a pseudonym while working, a trick of the trade, so no one could attach the article to you. Not that it mattered since this particular critique was very positive. You’d absolutely loved the food at that restaurant and the article was positively glowing with accolades.

You’d stumbled into being a food critic really. After going to culinary school, focusing on baking and pastries, you had worked as an editor on cookbooks for a while as you worked in various restaurants. You weren’t sure why you submitted your own article to a rather popular food blog, but it was accepted. And so was the next one. And the next one.

Food critiquing was fun and it more than paid the bills. You got to travel if you wanted, got to pick your own hours. You got to eat for a living basically.

You still edited cookbooks and did some freelance work for various food magazines and blogs. You’d stopped cooking or baking in restaurants to focus on the other aspects of the job that you liked, and that was good enough for you. You didn’t feel like your degree was a waste of time, despite what your parents thought.

One look around your apartment showed you that you were doing well in life. You made good money and could afford to live somewhere luxurious for no reason other than you wanted to. You still saved up a nest egg because you never knew what could happen.

It’s also why you still edited the cookbooks, still freelanced your writing. You wanted to be prepared on the off chance that being a food critic had a shelf life.

The pie was almost done. You put the paper down and went to check on it. Crust golden, the cherry glaze bubbling just slightly. You smiled as you pulled it out, waving your pot holder over it for a second before you shut the oven and turned it off. You were going to need to pull out the vanilla ice cream you’d bought.

A wild thought came to you about offering a piece of the pie to your neighbor: Billy. He looked like he could use something sweet in his life.

Instead you went back to the newspaper with some scissors. You liked to cut out your articles. As you snipped around the edges, you thought back to running into Billy in the elevator. He’d seemed polite, disinterested. It made you feel a little underwhelmed. It wasn’t like you thought you were some knockout or anything like that, but surely… surely you deserved a second look?

You laughed a little to yourself as you slid the freshly clipped article into the box with the other ones. You weren’t usually so girly and hung up on a guy, especially not one that had barely said ten words to you. If that.

Days later, once you were finally over the brief mortification of running into Billy that one day, you found yourself in the same position. Only this time the item you dropped was a bag of flour that you had just purchased.

The sound of the bag busting came within seconds of a puff of white powder clouding the area. There was also a loud clatter that sounded a lot like a dropped smartphone.

“Shit,” he cursed, coughing to clear his airway. He bent down and picked up his phone, swearing again.

“It’s not broken, I hope? I’m sorry, again.”

Why did this keep happening to you? Had you been cursed without knowing it?

“Cracked,” he said as he tried to wipe the screen with his thumb. You could just barely see through the still hovering cloud of flour that it was also caked in a layer of the flour.

“Crap. I’m so sorry,” you apologized profusely, looking down at the busted bag and the flour that was scattered everywhere. You were covered in it. And so was he, you noticed. “Oh, your suit. Crap, you’re… covered in flour.”

He looked down and sure enough, his bottom half was covered in flour. The black pants and black shoes looked grey.

He rubbed his forehead and then looked at you.

“It was my fault this time,” he explained as he tried unsuccessfully to dust off his phone again. “I didn’t see you coming out of the elevator.”

You looked around at the mess once more and then let out a small laugh. You bent down to pick up the bag, grimacing as the last of the flour slid out of the busted packaging and onto the ground.

“This is going to be fun to clean,” you mumbled as you stood up.

“Just call maintenance,” he said simply as he dusted off his pants, pulling his keys out of his pocket. “They’ll handle it.”

It didn’t feel right to do it that way. Instead of saying anything, you carefully made your way to your apartment. You changed out of your clothes and into something a little more comfortable. Then you grabbed the broom and dustpan before you went back into the hallway.

You had just started to sweep when his door opened. He stepped into the hall in fresh clothes, no flour detected.

He saw you sweeping and you watched him roll his eyes. You felt heat flood your face so you looked down to focus on what you were doing.

He moved around you but stopped. You could just barely see him from the corner of your eye, but you did see him turn to face you.

“I’m Billy, by the way. I don’t think I’ve introduced myself. Billy Russo.”

You switched the broom to your other hand so that you could shake the hand he had extended to you.

“Y/N Y/L/N, human disaster,” you joked with a laugh. “I’m really sorry about your phone. I can pay for a new one if it’s unsalvageable.”

He cocked his head to the side and shook his head.

“Like I said, I’m at fault for this mess. I’d help you clean, but I’m already late for work.”

You waved him off.

“No worries. I just want to get most of it up before I call maintenance.”

He nodded, obviously hesitating. You didn’t want him to feel like he needed to hover and wait while you cleaned.

“Well have a good day at work Billy,” you said as you turned back to the task at hand.

You heard him press the button for the elevator. Once he stepped on, he turned to look back at you, a curious look on his face.

“Have a good day.”

While it wasn’t exactly something you were proud of, you were pretty certain of his schedule. You’d lived there long enough to mentally catalog his comings and goings. After you did as much in the hallway as you could, you called the maintenance man before you locked your door and headed back to the store.

You needed more flour. And you needed a few more things.

The muffins were cooling on your counter by almost six thirty in the evening. Without an idea of his preferences, you had made an assortment. Once they were cool, you bundled them into a small wicker basket, a white and blue checkered cloth covering them.

When you heard the elevator doors, you quietly cursed your timing. You checked your reflection in the mirror beside the door to make sure you looked presentable. With the basket in hand, you went to your door and pulled it open.

Billy was on the other side with his fist raised to knock. When you opened the door, his eyes widened and he stepped back a bit.

“Sorry,” he said as he looked you over, his eyes lingering on the dress that you’d picked out, “you’re headed out. I just, I got you this.”

He held up a paper bag. You looped the handle of the basket over your arm so that you could take the bag from him. Inside was the same type of flour that you had purchased that morning and had subsequently had to purchase a second time to make the muffins.

“Oh, you didn’t have to do this,” you said as you looked back up at him.

He looked almost sheepish under your gaze.

“Like I said, it was my fault. Felt it was the least I could do.” He rubbed his hand over the back of his neck and looked away. “But I won’t hold you up any. Just wanted to give that to you.”

You weren’t sure why he thought he was holding you up. You put the bag with the flower down on the table next to your door. Then you held out the basket. He looked surprised, eyebrows raised as he looked between your eager face to the basket.

“Uh,” he began.

You laughed and pulled back one of the corners of the cloth.

“I made muffins. For you,” you added because you felt the need to specify. “I wasn’t sure what you liked so I made a few different kinds. There’s chocolate with chocolate chips, banana nut, blueberry, and a really yummy lemon crumble.”

That surprised look seemed to grow. He slowly reached out and accepted the basket from you.

“You made these for me?”

He didn’t seem like he believed it.

“I kinda wanted a do over on our first meeting. I’m usually better with first impressions,” you said as you self consciously ran a hand over your side, smoothing down the dress.

His eyes raked over your body again, drawn by the movement of your hand. Then he met your eyes as he pulled the basket a little closer to him.

“Thanks,” he said with a glint in his eyes, one that made your breath catch in your chest. He stayed there a moment longer before he smiled. “Would you like to go to dinner with me? Tonight.”

You let out a huff of air, not having expected that at all.

“Uh, are you sure? You don’t really know me.”

“That’s why you go on a date, isn’t it?” He waved the basket back and forth. “We can save these for dessert.”

The way he said that was sinful and unfair. You swallowed thickly and looked over at the bag on your table. A giggle left your lips before you could stop it.

“Well you did bring me a flour,” you said with a smile stretching over your lips.

He laughed at that, shaking his head at your word play.

“With the muffins and the fact that I probably haven’t been the most welcoming neighbor, I just want to show you that I’m not as bad as I seem. And with you looking that good, I figure a night on the town isn’t out of question.”

Heat filled you at that. You ducked your head and then met his eyes once more.

“Do you want to go now?”

After dinner, which was amazing, Billy led you back to his place. His apartment was set up like yours but had a more modern look where you had stuck with the open spaces and natural lighting. He pulled out the muffins and the two of you ate almost all of them together. Through dinner and sharing the muffins, the two of you didn’t stop talking. You got to know that there was more to this mysterious man than met the eye and you hoped he saw that there was more to you than your clumsy habits.

He seemed endeared by you either way.

As he walked you to your apartment door, despite the fact that you only lived down the hall from his own apartment, you couldn’t help but grin at him.

“What kind of cookies do you like?”

He laughed and turned to face you.

“Why?”

You shrugged a bit as you fiddled with your keys.

“I like to bake, obviously,” you said as you lifted the empty basket at him. Then you smiled and looked down at your hands. “I especially like baking when I’m happy, so I thought I might make you some cookies tomorrow. If you think you might want them.”

You felt your chin being tipped upwards until you were met with his face, his eyes crinkled in the corner as he smiled at you.

“Surprise me,” he said softly as he leaned in to brush his lips against yours.

------

You were dancing in front of the counter, music playing softly from your bluetooth speaker. You had about three different desserts being prepared as well as a lasagna already in the oven.

Hands fell to your hips and you jumped, turning to glance over your shoulder. You smiled widely and turned in his arms, wrapping your arms around his neck.

“You’re sneaky. I didn’t even realize you’d come in,” you said as you leaned up to kiss him.

Billy smiled into the kiss, his eyes darting over your shoulder at the massive amount of food you were making.

“Are we expecting company?”

You shook your head and grinned up at him.

“Just us. I just wanted to do something special. It is our anniversary,” you reminded him with a tap on the nose.

He pulled back with a fond roll of his eyes. He then picked something up from the table and sat it down beside you.

A bag of flour.

“Happy anniversary sweetheart,” he said with a smile that only grew when you kissed him hard and deep.

Such a sentimental man, even when he tried to pretend he wasn’t.

He pulled back and looked at all the food with another shake of his head.

“Seriously babe, this is a bit much. It’s just the two of us here.”

You shrugged and turned to check on the lasagna, grinning when his hands fell to your hips to keep you close.

“I was always told the way to a man’s stomach was through his stomach,” you joked as you turned back to him once you were sure the food wasn’t burning.

Billy’s grin was lascivious as he pressed his hips into yours, effectively pinning you against the counter.

“Really? I think you have a fair shot a little south of the stomach,” he teased as he leaned in, using his whole body to press against you before he kissed you.

You gripped on to the front of his shirt as you kissed him, your body bending into his immediately.

“Billy, the food,” you complained as his lips trailed down your neck.

“Maybe I want my dessert first,” he joked as he nipped at your neck.

You were about to tell him that dessert wasn’t ready either but you turned to see that he had dipped his finger into the batter. He brushed his finger against your neck, leaving a trail of batter before he leaned in to lick it up. You moaned and pulled his head up for a kiss.

“There’s raw egg in that,” you said between kisses, laughing as he hoisted you up to sit on the counter. “Billy!”

“This way you can make sure the food doesn’t burn. But I’m hungry,” he said pointedly as he spread your legs.

You leaned back as he raised the hem of your dress, lifting your hips to help him pull down your panties. He tucked them into his pocket before he grinned up at you.

“Favorite meal of the day.”

Your laugh turned into a moan as he bent down to circle his tongue around your aching clit. You gripped his hair as he licked and sucked, his teeth scraping against your clit as his fingers slowly pushed inside. You gasped at the sensations, your body already shaking as he worked you over. Your chest ached as you slapped a hand against the cabinets behind your head. Your other hand tightened in his hair as he started to move faster, his tongue rolling over and around your clit hard and fast.

“Bil–Billy, so close,” you warned as you rolled your hips as best you could on the counter.

He hummed against you as he sucked on your clit, his fingers curling to brush that spot inside you that made you fall apart. Your back bowed and you gripped onto his head with both hands as you rode out the waves of pleasure.

He pulled back and wiped his hand over his mouth. You hopped down from the counter, tugging him in for a dirty kiss. While you kissed, you spun the two of you around so that his back away against the counter. He didn’t seem to realize what was going on until your hands undid his belt, tugging his zipper down.

“My turn,” you said as you pulled his cock out, swirling your tongue around the head and moaning at the taste of him. “The lasagna has to come out of the oven in five minutes so hopefully you’ll come first.”

He laughed as he fisted his hand in your hair, fingernails scratching at your scalp as his hips thrusted. It caused his cock to brush against your lips so you opened up to let it slide in.

“You on your knees, your mouth on my cock? Fuck babe, I can still taste you on my tongue,” he said around a moan as you swallowed around him. “Trust me, five minutes is more than enough.”

You wanted to smile, but it was hard to do when you were going down on him. Instead you wrapped a hand around the base of his cock and went to work. You sucked hard near the head, running your tongue up the length of him. You knew just what he liked so you pulled out all the stops.

And he was right. Five minutes was more than enough.

You had to think that dropping that bag of flour was the best thing that ever happened to you. Well, maybe the second best, but it caused the best thing so it was pretty much a tie.

X

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[miraculoussage]

like siblings - audimatrix (but not really)

Rating: G Pairings: Marinette & Adrien, Ladybug & Chat Noir (No romance) Length: ~ 3,560 words Type: Episode rewrite (Takes place before Volpina)

♪~ ᕕ(ᐛ)ᕗ

Tikki was worried about the interview. Sure, she trusted Marinette, but she’d seen TV interviews before and knew just how ruthless interviewers could be. They wanted to drag out information, to push the buttons of the people they’re interviewing to discover their darkest secrets. The more defensive people got, the more it seemed like they were trying to hide something or lying, even if they were telling the entire truth. And Ladybug and Chat Noir couldn’t tell the whole truth, for the safety of the entire city, the entire world. 

“Marinette,” she was saying, her charge half paying attention as she was sewing for her latest design, “I trust you, but you have to remember you’re a superhero, not a star! When a celebrity secret gets out it might ruin their life, or someone else’s life. But for you, and Chat Noir, if any of your secrets get out it could put the safety of the entire world at risk!” 

“I don’t want to say you’re overreacting,” Marinette said, and Tikki waited for the ‘but’. “Buuut, I think you’re overreacting. Just a bit. I know how important keeping these secrets is, and if I were someone that couldn’t keep secrets I would entirely agree with you. But I can keep secrets, I’ve kept this secret for a long time already.” 

“Just... Be careful, Marinette, and don’t let Nadja get to you. I know she’s a kind person, but TV hosts can be completely different once they’re on screen. She’ll try to any shred of something interesting! And for most of Paris right now, that’s finding out your identity. Remember to think before speaking, as if you were thinking of how to word your advice for Adrien.”

Marinette nodded, determination written all over her face. An alarm went off, and she jumped up with a shout. “I’m babysitting today?? I thought that was tomorrow! I have to be at the interview!” 

“Marinette, you’re babysitting Manon. Her mom is running the interview. That’s why she needed you to babysit.” Tikki knew Marinette tried hard to keep times and dates and events straight in her mind, and on her phone calendar and wall calendar. However, Marinette had had to be careful about writing down the date for the interview, so she hid it out of sight. Unfortunately, it was probably too out of sight that she forgot about it, and when she checked her calendar for babysitting availability she thought she was free.

“That... Makes sense.” She sighed, and started to put away her sewing, and Tikki flitted into Marinette’s jacket. Just in time, too, as the rapid tapping of tiny feet was coming up the stairs to her room. “Hi Manon!” Marinette greeted as the girl burst through the trap door, “Isn’t it so cool your mom is going to be interviewing Ladybug and Chat Noir?” 

“Yes yes yes!” Oh no, Manon was probably too excited. While it warmed Tikki’s heart knowing how much Manon loved the heroes, her enthusiasm could be an obstacle to sneaking away for the interview. Marinette couldn’t leave Manon alone, or take her to the interview, and she already knew she couldn’t be in two places at once without causing more problems than necessary...

After wishing Nadja luck and saying goodbye, Marinette called in a favour. Thankfully for her, Alya was more than happy to come over to watch the interview, even with the added excitement of Manon. She’d always insisted that Manon was nothing compared to the twins, even on a good day. 

“Marinette,” she whispered from where she was now tucked into the jacket’s collar, “you should start thinking of an excuse for when Alya gets here about why you won’t be up here with them while you’re in the studio.” Her holder could always use reminders. She felt Marinette nod slightly in acknowledgement, and she let out a sigh. This would be a long night, Tikki could feel it.

♪~ ᕕ(ᐛ)ᕗ

Chat Noir, always one to make a grand entrance, committed to crawling through ventilation shafts and climbing some walls so he could drop down into the set from above. He even managed to land directly on the couch, and posed comfortably in a split second. “Hi there,” he waved charmingly when Nadja looked up from her tablet. 

The startled host fumbled her tablet, but caught it at the last moment before it could hit the table between them. “Which way did you come in??” Chat Noir opened a bottle of juice from the table, taking a casual sip, letting Nadja sit in an uncomfortable silence with direct eye contact. She may be asking the questions, tonight, but Chat Noir and Ladybug were in charge.

“Secret celebrity door,” he joked, giving Nadja a flashy but merciless grin; he relished in the hesitance settling on her face. He got enough harassment from reporters and paparazzi as Adrien Agreste, the most famous teen model in France, if not the whole fashion world. He wouldn’t let that slide as Chat Noir, where he didn’t have to uphold an innocent and agreeable facade. “I see Ladybug is running behind, huh?”

“I thought you’d be arriving together...” Nadja admitted, unnerved by his assertiveness. 

“Wanna hear a secret?” he said slyly, leaning over the table. “I love chouquettes,” he teased, holding up one of the treats from the table, and sitting back down to enjoy the free food. Not as good as Dupain-Cheng pastries, but he hadn’t had a chance to stop by there today, so this would have to do.

“Is that the sizzling hot information I’ve been promised?” His leather ears flicked at the voice from the earpiece. He assumed he wasn’t meant to hear that, and when Nadja looked up at the booth to assure the producer she’d get better material than that, Chat followed her gaze and shot a hard smile at the producer through the glass. 

He felt a little bit bad for Nadja; Her show would be moved from the best time slot if the ratings weren’t good enough. Still, he wouldn’t give her any false information, Miraculous secrets, something she could manipulate to suggest something else, or anything that could link to his identity. His sympathy led him to dial Ladybug’s yo-yo, though, but she didn’t pick up. He could apologize for this, at least. 

“Sorry, I can’t get a hold of Ladybug.” He popped another chouquette in his mouth; might as well, while they waited. He made small talk about the weather with Nadja, though she kept checking her watch, nervous and distracted. Even Chat started to get a bit nervous; He had a flashback to Ladybug missing Theo’s statue unveiling, and the whole mess that stemmed from that. Not that he could blame her.

“We’re going live in 10, 9...” Ladybug still hadn’t arrived. Chat was preparing to carry the interview himself. “5, 4, 3...” With two seconds to spare, Ladybug made her grand entrance, yo-yoing and even doing a flip to make it to the couch before they went live. 

“I thought you decided to ditch me, LB!” His teasing tone assured that he upset she was almost late. 

“And let the audience down? Not a chance.” She winked with the pun, and Chat grinned. Maybe this would turn out more fun than he thought.

♪~ ᕕ(ᐛ)ᕗ

Ladybug hid her pounding heart well. Both the hurried trip over and the nerves of trying to get there on had her stomach in knots. Chat Noir’s grin, though, helped her calm down. She smiled back, and then apologized to Nadja for being late. She looked both relieved and nervous, but the relieved smile dropped as a faint sound came from her earpiece and she checked her wrist. She seemed to shake off the nerves, fortunately, and a look of determination lit up her face.

Once they were live, Nadja wasted no time introducing her show and her guests. The pair of heroes addressed the camera and the audience, Ladybug thanking Nadja and them genuinely and Chat Noir playfully flirty as he gave a shoutout to his fans. She rolled her eyes fondly, and took part in the light banter that started out the show.

“The citizens of Paris know what you do, but they want to know who you are.”

“We’ll answer as well as we can,” Ladybug gave her a more serious look, “but there are questions we can’t and won’t answer, for the safety of ourselves and the citizens of Paris, like our secret identities of course.” Chat Noir gave a nod beside her, both of them wearing pleasant smiles once again. 

Nadja gave a positive answer, and led them into video calls from fans. The first was Chloe, and she and Chat both sighed lightly when it turned out she was in Rich and Famous mode, haughty and completely off topic. Nadja hurried to thank her for calling and switch to the next viewer when it turned out she actually had nothing to ask. 

Ladybug stiffened at the next caller, but kept her composure. Alya, rather rudely Ladybug had to admit, asked if she could get an interview for the Ladyblog. “I wouldn’t say no,” she said, “but you’ll have to schedule it later.” She hoped her kind smile satisfied Alya enough, and hoped that she would hang up. Ah. Too late.

“Am I on TV??” Manon’s excited face popped up in the bottom of the frame.

“Manon? But where’s Marinette?” Marinette, sitting across from Nadja, hoped the cameras weren’t on her as she flushed from nerves. 

“She had to go get ingredients for dinner!”

“Uh, yeah! Sometimes it can take a while for her to get what she needs,” Alya assured. 

The earpiece faintly buzzed again, and Nadja ended the call quickly, turning to address the heroes again. “So! Ladybug, Chat Noir. A lot of fans think of you as a couple of superheroes, but also, and I quote unquote, ‘a couple, period’.” 

Ladybug looked at Chat Noir. Chat Noir looked at Ladybug. After a few moments, the blank look crumbled as they both burst out laughing, deep belly laughs, Chat Noir even shedding some tears. It took a bit of time for them to stop laughing and calm down enough to answer. “We’re superheroes and protectors of Paris. We aren’t here to answer personal questions like that.” She was still giggling, and Nadja’s look of complete befuddlement made it harder to stop.

“So- so you’re not a couple? Then how do you explain this??” She pulled up a picture of Ladybug giving Chat Noir a soft kiss on the forehead, though Chat Noir’s lips were black in the picture. He looked shocked, and the living and present Chat Noir looked more confused than anything. He likely didn’t remember anything from being brainwashed like that.

“What, you don’t kiss your friends from time to time?” Chat Noir says with a raised eyebrow, “You have a daughter, don’t you? You must know that not all kisses are romantic.”

Ladybug smiled at Chat Noir’s answer, and turned back to the shocked and confused Nadja to give some context. “That happened on Valentine’s day, when le Dislocœur was changing people’s positive feelings for others into hatred. One of my friends was hit, and insulted me and said mean things, and she’s already in a happy relationship, so it obviously wasn’t restricted to romantic love. As you can see from Chat Noir’s black lips in that photo, he was under le Dislocœur’s influence.” 

Chat Noir nodded at the explanation, confusion melting into understanding. “The way to break the ‘spell’ so to speak, was true love’s kiss, like in fairy tales. Ladybug and I don’t love each other romantically, but we do truly love each other, like best friends or siblings.” He smiled, sharing a fist bump with Ladybug. “Though I will also say, on behalf of both of us, that we don’t appreciate accusations like this. I assume you have more pictures of Ladybug and I that could possibly be misconstrued as romantic. Real fans will know that they can’t believe everything they hear from the media.”

Nadja withered under the scrutiny of the heroes, her earpiece buzzing noisily. It must be the producer or director, unhappy with Nadja’s rumour being shut down so firmly. “I-I see, well, thank you for the clear answer,” the host said, trying to gain control of the questions once again. The device on her wrist was dipping from green into orange, and the lower it went the more nervous she seemed.

For the rest of the half-hour show, (Ladybug and Chat Noir could only commit to so much time), Nadja tried her best to drag out secrets about their powers, embarrassing moments, personal stories or thoughts that could very easily give away who they were. Time after time, Ladybug and Chat Noir had to refuse to answer, or give such vague answers that Nadja didn’t seem satisfied. 

The sounds from the earpiece got more frequent and much louder. All of Nadja’s body language showed more and more stress, the smile she tried to hold straining to stay on her face. Ladybug could see she was almost crying. In an act of mercy, Ladybug pulled out her yo-yo and looked at a random app. “It looks like we have to go,” she said, resting her hand on Chat’s forearm and tapped her finger twice- an agreed upon signal to get each other out of an uncomfortable situation. 

They both stood, thanking Nadja for the chance to show all of Paris their devotion to keeping the city safe. And then they left, Nadja signing off behind them. Once they were out of the building, Ladybug took Chat Noir’s hand and swung them to the top of the studio. “What’s up, LB?” 

“I really do have somewhere to be, but unfortunately that’ll have to wait. Nadja was really distressed, and we have an akuma to find before it reaches her.”

“I’ll look out here, you go back in and make sure it doesn’t reach her. Her producer was saying such nasty things to her through the whole show- insults, threats to have her show moved to another time, more insults...” He trailed off, realizing there wasn’t really much more than that, but the insults and threats were bad enough. “I’ll call you if I catch sight of it.” 

♪~ ᕕ(ᐛ)ᕗ

It was a good thing they stayed. When Ladybug got back into the studio, most of the crew was already gone, only a few still putting away sound equipment. Nadja sat in her chair, head in her hands. It was dark, the spotlights all turned off and only a few lights making it just bright enough for people to move around safely. “Nadja,” she said, walking closer.

The host lifted her head, eyes red and widened in surprise. “Ladybug? I thought you had to go.”

“I did. I had someone to save.”

“It didn’t take very long, who was it?” 

“You.” Ladybug smiled, then scanned the room for any evil bugs. “I’m sorry your interview didn’t go as planned, and I’ll take partial fault in that. But Chat and I shared every answer as truthfully as we could.” She crouched down, one hand on Nadja’s shoulder. “There are a lot of things that if we share them, we’ll be put in danger. Anything that can be linked to our secret identities, our families, our schedules, it makes it easier for Papillon to target us. I’m sure you would feel the same, if it were something you had to do to protect your daughter.” 

Nadja nodded, face resting back in her hands, and she sniffled. Ladybug handed her tissues from a box on the table, standing up to sit on said table. “I’m also sorry about the terrible things your producer was saying to you, and the video calls from Chloe and Alya. It wasn’t behaviour that either Chat or I approve of.”

Starting to calm down, Nadja wiped her face with the tissues. “Thank you for saying that, Ladybug, and thank you for coming back.” She wasn’t looking at Ladybug’s face, and Ladybug was glad she didn’t see the glare she gave to the dark coloured butterfly that had approached from behind Nadja. 

“If you’d like, Chat and I would love to give you another interview, one that’s filmed, more directed, and less... gossipy, so to speak. We believe it’s important for us to be able to reach all of Paris with our words, to let every single person know that we’re here to protect them. We also want to share some information and opinions on bullying, harassment, the importance of personal space... Things that some people,” she said, giving Nadja a shared look of annoyance, “need to have a lesson about.” 

She was smiling now, and the akuma had paused. “Excuse me one second,” she said, taking out her yo-yo and walking to the butterfly, purifying it without fanfare. “Papillon is a cruel man. The people of Paris need to be kinder to one another.”

“I agree,” Nadja said, laughing sadly. “Whenever I hear about children in Manon’s class bullying each other, I feel so exasperated. We need to teach our children better, not just individually but as a society. I think our next interview will be a good place to start.” They smiled warmly at each other, and Chat Noir called into the studio to see if they were in there. 

“Over here, Chat. Nadja agreed to film another interview with us to talk about the seriousness of bullying, harassment, personal space, -”

“- Meditation, supporting friends and family, talking about your worries, -”

“- All of that too, yes.”

“Thank you, Ladybug. For giving me a second chance, and some things to consider with regards to my career choices. I’m going to finish getting my stuff together and go pick up my daughter early.” She stood up out of her chair, and offered a handshake to Ladybug and Chat Noir, glad when they offered her hugs instead. 

“I’ll get in contact to schedule the interview.” With a few farewells, they parted ways, the heroes leaving together again. Ladybug checked the time, and gasped. She’d been gone longer than she’d thought. “I have to go!” After a quick hug, Ladybug was swinging away.

♪~ ᕕ(ᐛ)ᕗ

Marinette slipped into the house as quietly as possible, took ingredients out to start dinner, and then let her footsteps make more sound as she walked up the stairs into her room. She smiled, taking out her phone to snap a picture of Alya asleep on the floor, with Manon sleeping across her back. She gently woke Alya and turned off the TV, picking up Manon and putting her on the chaise with a blanket. 

She and Alya moved to the kitchen, Marinette starting to cook her late dinner. “I’m sorry it took me so long, I saw the interview on one of the outdoor TVs and lost my focus. You know how I get,” she laughed, embarrassed. It wasn’t an unbelievable excuse- she often did get distracted watching something and losing track of time.

“It’s okay, girl, I’m glad you got to watch it, even if it wasn’t with me. And don’t worry about Manon, she watched the whole interview happily and when it ended early she fell asleep. I guess I did, too, huh?” Alya grinned, helping Marinette chop peppers for the stir fry she was making. “That interview was kind of a train wreck to be honest. Did you see Ladybug agreed to an interview for the Ladyblog?? Well, she sort of did, I still have to catch her to schedule it.”

“That’s awesome, Alya! Did the train wreck give you some ideas on what to ask?” She smiled at Alya as she rambled about questions and topics she was already brainstorming; Marinette was glad to get some insider info to prepare Ladybug’s answers. They were interrupted by Nadja knocking on the door. Alya let her in, and Marinette waved from the stove. “Manon is asleep on the chaise upstairs.”

“She loved your interview,” Alya said. “Er, sorry for interrupting your interview to ask for my own interview, I realized right afterward that it was probably super rude of me.” Nadja accepted the apology, vaguely offering Alya the opportunity to do a joint interview sometime. 

After she left with a sleepy Manon, who woke up just enough to say goodbye to the girls before falling back asleep, Alya and Marinette finished the veggie stir fry and sat down to eat. 

“I’m surprised she wasn’t akumatized. She looked like she was about to lose her cool during the interview, but she seemed so much happier when she got here.” Alya put her hand on her chin. “Do you think she did get akumatized, and Ladybug and Chat Noir dealt with it in the twenty five minutes it took her to get here?” 

“That would probably be a new record,” Marinette said idly, not actually answering Alya’s question. “Hey, it’s already pretty late. Do you want to sleep over and practice your interview questions? I can’t promise I’ll make a good Ladybug or Chat Noir, though,” she laughed. 

“Absolutely, girl! As long as you promise not to steal my questions and interview Ladybug yourself.” They shared a good laugh over that, for different reasons, and started a long night of a faux interview.

♪~ ᕕ(ᐛ)ᕗ

#like siblings AU #miraculous ladybug #more like sage is too lazy to write actual serious akuma battles AU #the way I see it Ladybug and Chat Noir could do a much better job if they were good at communication and werent distracted by the love squar #not that they arent already doing a good job for two stressed out teenagers #if theres one thing Im the worst at writing its endings #if it really came down to it I could probably write a battle. but endings are hard #someone give nadja a break tbh she goes into so many akuma battles to report