#where i have been

[searchingwardrobes]

The morning a comment made me cry . . .

I have been wrestling with posting this for ages. On the one hand, I want to let people who follow my fanfic to know that I haven’t left. On the other, I am an INFJ, an introvert, and a highly sensitive person who never wants to feel like I’m bothering people or whining about my life. Everyone has problems, everyone is busy, am I right? But then last week, I woke up to a comment on Ao3 for a fic that I wrote years ago, and I ended up sitting at my kitchen table and crying.

It wasn’t just the comment. It was that I had just spent the last night in the house we have lived in for the last 17 years. The house each of my children came home from the hospital to. A house I honestly didn’t want to sell or leave. And it wasn’t like we were moving because we found our dream house or because a new job opportunity came up or anything like that. We sold our house because the church my husband just took a new job at has a parsonage, and that means we can live there rent free. You can’t pass that up from a financial standpoint. 

Even if the parsonage is way smaller. And darker. And filthy. And smells bad. And looks like the Byers house in Stranger Things AFTER monsters started coming out of the walls. (ie 80s but gross)

And what makes it harder is that people berate me every time I try to share how hard this is. “You can’t beat free.” I know, I know, but can’t anyone try to imagine how I’m feeling? If you were in my shoes, would it be easy? 

Anyways, so back to the comment. I’ve been doing this fanfic thing long enough that in some ways, the comment just made me roll my eyes. But it was kind of like the proverbial straw, you know? I had been trying to hold it together for days, and this mean comment pushed me over the edge. So there I was, crying at my kitchen table surrounded by moving boxes. 

To compound it all, I haven’t written much at all since November. Scratch that, more like October. This is frustrating because it’s something I love, and it also causes guilt over all my WIPs. But we decided to put the house on the market in early November, and our realtor said we needed to get it listed before Thanksgiving, so there was the frantic race of “decluttering” ie half-packing the house and a million and one little home repair projects and deep cleaning. Then the house was shown only four times, and we got an offer. Great, right? Only they wanted to move in TWO DAYS before Christmas. That was a hard no for me. So they comprised and said two days AFTER Christmas. Their offer was over the asking price, so we had to take it. 

But did I mention the parsonage isn’t livable yet? So yep, we have no home right now. (I won’t say homeless because that word means something very different and much more serious than what we’re going through.) I’ve slept in so many different places over the last week, that this morning I woke up and couldn’t remember where I was. 

Did I mention I also have three kids? 

If you’ve stuck with me so far, don’t worry, I won’t go into all the details. Just understand that our family of five (plus a dog) will soon be living in my aunt and uncle’s basement for possibly two months. While I homeschool. 

And now I feel like I’m whining again. I’m really not a whiner, I promise. I’m just trying to a) explain why I have disappeared for so long and b) why that negative Ao3 comment came at the absolute worst possible time. 

That comment was the least of my worries on that particular day, and a week later, I just don’t think it’s worth discussing. Maybe, though, this tale will help people remember to pause before they type something on the internet. Because the person you are addressing has a real life, and there is no way for you to know what they might be going through. I was actually a little happy when I saw the email because a nice comment would have been a bright spot in an otherwise tough day. Instead, it was a kick while I was already down. Comments have a lot of power for a creator. I wish they didn’t. I wish we all “just wrote for ourselves” or could brush it off easily. But writers are sensitive creatures as a rule, especially fanfic writers who are only doing it as a hobby, not for a career. So, you know, just stop and think for a sec. That’s all. And this comment served no purpose whatsoever. I wrote the fic so long ago, there’s no way I’m revising it. Ironically, the person ended the comment by saying, “Enjoying it so far, though.” Which rang totally false after their long list of what was wrong with the story. 

Side note: the comment has made me contemplate a post on writer’s tips for writing children well. I’m not just a homeschooling mom, I’m also a former teacher. People seem to seriously not realize this, but teachers have to take college courses on child and adolescent development. We are around children a lot, too, so (shock!) we actually are experts in the field. I don’t know - is that something anyone would be interested in as writers? Because you don’t have to be a parent to write kids well - @whimsicallyenchantedrose and @distant-rose are awesome at it, and they don’t have kids. So if you want tips on that, I’d love to share. It’s something I can kind of get on a soapbox about, lol. 

And as for my readers, I’ll tag you all so you know where the hell I’ve been. So here comes the tag list, and I’ll now shut up: 

@snowbellewells @teamhook @kmomof4 @jrob64 @xhookswenchx @thisonesatellite @welllpthisishappening @spartanguard @ohmakemeahercules @tiganasummertree @sparlecorn93 @sals86 @pirateprincessofpizza @xarandomdreamx @zaharadessert @huntressandlioness1 @jamif @undercaffinatednightmare @onceratheart18 @sparlecorn93 @sals86 @pirateprincessofpizza @xarandomdreamx @zaharadessert @huntressandlioness1  @winterbaby89 @hollyethecurious @svenjaliv

#melanie rants #or cries? #haha #my real life #writers woes #the joys and struggles of fic writing #where i have been

[supposedlyahuman]

tw: Examples of reblog bait/people trying to guilt others into reblogging stuff. I am not actually saying the things below, they're just examples that I have seen.

I fucking hate when people say stuff like this. Especially when it's on a generally good post with valuable information. On the one hand I want to share that information because it could genuinely help someone; on the other, I don't want to spread this type of guilt-tripping and shaming and potentially trigger someone else like me. It's a lose-lose situation. No matter what I do, I am going to feel guilty. No matter what I do, I will feel like a terrible person. It sucks and I just wish people would stop doing this. I know it's shocking, but it is actually possible to make an important and useful post without guilting everyone that sees it into sharing.

#in general i just don't reblog anything that tries to guilt me into reblogging it #there have been so many times where i consider reblogging something and then see people saying the stuff above #and i automatically move along because i can't handle interacting with that sort of thing #moral ocd #serious #my thoughts

[falltheodd]

I’m still alive

hey, it’s been awhile since I had posted anything on here. So, those who are wondering where I have been. I been busy with life and working at my new job, which leads me less motivated to do my art and writing stuff in my fanfics and don’t want to post or do them, I have made new platforms to post my art as well but don’t post all the time there.

I also been feeling down and not confident about posting my artwork as well due to them not getting liked enough which leads me doubting my dreams of people noticing my art. But still try no matter what.

Hope you all understand and feel free to follow me on my other social media platforms

instagram:

TikTok:

#talk #where I have been #Struggling with art #Work #why do i have to suffer #thank you all #I hate myself

[artkaninchenbau]

A h-heartfelt reunion..?

Bonus

#Sir Crocodile #Monkey D Dragon #Emporio Ivankov #Dragodile #Crocodad #My art #One Piece #We're not gonna talk about the work I should be doing rn I have Severe Procrastinitis and I'm doing my best okay #Alternative version where it was both Crocodile and Garp beating Dragon's ass before Iva-chan joined in but that was too much effort lmao #I'm a believer in Dragon being a Wind Logia so don't worry guys he is 100% taking this beating intentionally #He knows what he did and he's dealing with the concequences of his actions. With grace. #You know I realize Iva-chan should be two whole meters taller than Crocodile but we're just gonna ignore that #Look Iva-chan taking Crocodile's side and being like ''Crocoboy is right you fucked up bad Dragon'' brings me joy #And for real I've been wanting to draw this for months. But never did because I had other shit to do. Which I still do #But. You know. Sometimes you need to draw a shitpost. It's ✨ self-care ✨ #And appearently One Piece shitpost comics have become the thing I draw for myself on occassion

[perfectlyripeclementine]

calling my lover "mine" but not in the way that my toothbrush or notebook are mine, mine in the way my neighborhood is mine, and also everybody else's, "mine" like mine to tend to, mine to care for, mine to love. "mine" not like possession but devotion.

#nonbinary love #nblnb yearning #nb4nb #nblnb #wholesomeposting #yearning hours #ive been thinking about how some languages dont have a possessive tense #so you dont say “i have a thing” but rather “a thing is by me” #and like im not usually one for psycho linguistics and like critical thoughts etc etc etc #but i really like the framework of responsibility/commitment rather than ownership #i think about this mostly in terms of ecology #and relation to land #but i also love it as it applies to language shared between lovers #like i LOVE calling them mine or for them to call me theirs #but i'm also nonmonog and that was kinda weird to square for a while #and it clicked one time when i was talking about my neighborhood and i was like well #when i say my neighborhood or my city it's understood i'm not taking it away from anybody else #its understood i just mean the city where i live #so why cant we apply the same to lovers? #mine in the way i want to show up for you again and again #ok #done now

[pineapple-frenzy]

Book 2 au with Zuko and Katara Lee and Huamei

Katara is separated from her friends, and so she's left to travel the earth kingdom on her own. She stumbles across Zuko, who is similarly travelling on his own. They decide that pairing up and travelling together would be best

#zutara #zuko #katara #atla #my art #book 2 au #book 2 aus have been done before but i wanted to try my own take with tropes i personally enjoy akdjslkdks #also had the urge to draw zutara arguing and just not getting along in general qldjkakslsk #i recently finished natla and also just rewatched book 1 so zutara book 1 dynamic where they're quite hostile with each other is on my mind #they decide to travel together but obviously they don't get along at all at the start #they find each other annoying but that annoyance slowly turns into affection #also alsooo #short hair zuko enjoyers hello #i have switched over to the side of short hair zuko ajrskakdlksjd #also thinking about how to put short hair katara into this akdjaljdlskf #i just think short hair zutara neat :>>

[floccinaucinihilipilificationa]

#good omens #´hello friends!! how are you!! #I hope you're doing well! ( ´ ▽ ` ) #I have a big cough but otherwise I am good! It's nothign bad I am just very slimey #usually I am not a cough person I am not sure where this is coming from #most of the time I just get a stuffy nose #has my nose gotten stronger #but there are good news too I have already found a VERY good chestnut to put into my pocket this autumn!! its very small! (❁´▽`❁) #it's been a very warm autumn in Germany so far so it has not really felt like fall yet #but yesterday it was all rainy and stormy and I had two new books and it was the best day possible to have a slimey cough (: #and now I feel SO much autumn I am close to buying a set of window colors #I do not know what I would to with the window colors I just have this strong urge in me to buy a window color set #the last time I did a window color was at the birtday of a class mate I think she turned 9 and I made a deer #but for some reason we did this craft 5 minutes before we all had to leave so we had to carry our window color deer home wet #unfortunatly for the deer and me I fell down the stairs of her house and smeared the deer all over me and i screamed the entire drive home #which wasn't very long but it probably felt very long for the mother who had a screaming child covered in window color deer inside her car

[marisatomay]

#be gentle with the site…let it cook especially if you’ve been on here for along time #if it takes too long you can always restart it #saw a poll about tumblr fame where the metric was follower count but since follower count is private the real metric we use on here is #how much interaction do your original posts receive #anyway! have at it! #also if you wanted to take the final Total Notes number and divide it by Posts Counted for your Avg Notes Per Post I would appreciate that #like when I divide my Total Notes by my Posts Counted I average 644 notes per original post allegedly

[1982brucespringsteen]

some good news!! the spanish state's ministry of equality has finally passed one of the most progressive trans laws on the planet, shielded free and universal access to abortion and banned conversion therapy and genital surgery for intersex babies, among a lot of other feminist policies. the minister of equality irene montero gave a speech thanking spain's lgtb and trans associations for helping her draft these legislations. couldn't be more proud!!

#spain #trans #ill always prioritize queer&trans revolution over reformism but man. man these are good news #these are gonna make people's life so much more comfortable #i was lucky enough to live in andalucia where we have THEE most advanced regional legislation on trans rights #so i didnt have to fight too many people to access hrt and to change my name on legal docs #but other ppl on the spanish state have been suffering so fucking much #and yeah this law doesnt cover non binary people or migrants but the door is fucking open. its a step forward #and after this terrible terrible week #after the antitrans antisemite game & brianna's murder and so many rampant transphobia #it feels nice to get a win #to have someone in power be so unwaveringly supportive #the queer community in the spanish state is NEVER gonna forget this. never #anyways!!! #felicidades gente trans española!!!! nos vemos en el registro civil dkkskdkkdkxkdk #mine

[inkskinned]

love when men cry about body hair bc "it's hygiene" and yet 15% of cis men leave the bathroom without washing their hands at all and an additional 35% only just wet their hands without using soap. that is nearly half of all men. that means statistically you have probably shaken hands with or been in direct contact with one of these people.

love when men say that women "only want money" when it turns out that even in equal-earning homes, women are actually adding caregiver burdens and housework from previous years, whereas men have been expanding leisure time and hobbies. in equal-earning households, men spend an average of 3.5 hours extra in leisure time per week, which is 182 hours per year - a little over a week of paid vacation time that the other partner does not receive. kinda sounds like he wants her money.

love that men have decided women are frail and weak and annoying when we scream in surprise but it turns out it's actually women who are more reliable in an emergency because men need to be convinced to actually take action and respond to the threat. like, actually, for-real: men experience such a strong sense of pride about their pre-supposed abilities that it gets them and their families killed. they are so used to dismissing women that it literally kills them.

love it. told my father this and he said there's lies, damned lies, and statistics. a year ago i tried to get him to evacuate the house during a flash flood. he ignored me and got injured. he has told me, laughing, that he never washes his hands. he has said in the last week that women are just happier when we're cooking or cleaning.

maybe i'm overly nostalgic. but it didn't used to feel so fucking bleak. it used to feel like at least a little shameful to consider women to be sheep. it just feels like the earth is round and we are still having conversations about it being flat - except these conversations are about the most obvious forms of patriarchy. like, we know about this stuff. we've known since well before the 50's.

recently andrew tate tried to justify cheating on his partner as being the "male prerogative." i don't know what the prerogative for the rest of us would be. just sitting at home, watching the slow erosion of our humanity.

#writeblr #warm up #ps edited so it is more clear where “half” of men is coming from: #15% literally don't even touch water #an ADDITIONAL 35% ''wash'' by just running their hands under water WITHOUT SOAP #15+35 =50% #like that is not washing ur hands. go back and use soap #btw the numbers for women are 4% never washing and 15% ''just water'' #which is still gross but like. sooo much better yikes #ps i know we're all gay on this site but watching ppl ''correct'' my math on this has been wild #i have a learning disability im genuinely bad at math so i check EVERY time someone corrects me #but no they're just confidently wrong..... #182 hours is a week babes. 182/24 (number of hours in a day) is ~7.6 #that's where i got that number from. also from rent we know there's 168 hours in a week. #ALSO btw if u read this and ur response is ''men are also struggling rn tho'' like babe you missed the point of it tho #this doesn't even make fun of men it's legit just pointing out that bigotry against women isn't founded #in anything men actually CARE about . like they don't actually CARE about ''being clean'' when they make fun of armpit hair #or they would be WASHING THEIR HANDS. #men pretend to be rollin' in cash and Apex Predators and instead they are trained to be lazy and unwilling to act in emergencies #i have never and will never make fun of men for asking for more support on important topics like DV and mental health. #this is so clearly not about men; it's about how common just being plainly misogynistic has become. #like they don't try to hide it anymore.

[biggest-gaudiest-patronuses]

weird hearing "were you a Theatre Kid" "were you a Sports Kid" "were you a Choir Kid" "were you a Dance Kid" bc no? i mean i did all of that and more but resented ever minute of it? actively avoided sticking with anything? i was a "In This Family After School Activities Are Mandatory Kid"

#oh and i was really really bad at all of it btw #which was a good thing actually otherwise i would have gotten bored even *more* quickly #christ if i was good at a Activity i probably would have had to stick with it #that would have been EXHAUSTING #i survived soooo many Activities by standing in the background doing the bare minimum so I could focus on the Hyperrealistic Daydreams #baseball was my favorite. if u wear a glove u can literally just stand in the back of a field & stare at grass & no one bothers you #i mean usually no one bothers you but there is one specific situation where everyone starts yelling your name real loud and pointing

[mrstargkonnen]

*when a classic Fallout song plays on the tv show*

#tumblr fallout fandom where you at?!? #I HAVE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS FOR YEAAARSS!!! and it’s SOOO good!!! 😭😭😭 #fallout tv series #Lucy McNeal #fallout new vegas #fallout 4 #fallout 3 #fallout

[becca-e-barnes]

Bucky pinning you down so you can’t squirm and he’s just sitting inside you while he tortures your clit feeling you clench around him. He makes you cum over and over until he finally cums.

Overstimulation + super soldier stamina = …

- 🍯

Dear God, I know I just don't have it in me to behave during cock-warming. When it comes down to it, I genuinely have no patience at all 😵‍💫

"You..." Bucky begins, pressing you down onto the bed before gripping your ankles and forcing you to flip over onto your front. "Have a problem with control."

With your face turned away from him, you can't help but smile to yourself. No one has ever said it out loud but you know he's right.

Being in control is where you're most comfortable. No hands are safer than your own. Except maybe his. You know he won't fuck this up.

"And you..." He continues, gathering your wrists behind your back, holding them tightly with one hand. "Need to learn how it feels to have control taken from you. Do you understand?"

As soon as you begin to nod your head, you feel him start to tape around your wrists, holding them together behind your back. Once he's content they're secure, he sits on the edge of the bed, facing the mirror before he pulls you onto his lap.

"Legs spread over the top of mine." He orders and you do as you're told, not because you have to but because you want to.

You notice the way your cunt is already glistening in the mirror and you're almost embarrassed because he hasn't even touched you yet.

"Fuck, you're made for this." He groans, lining his cock up to your slick entrance and you wonder if he's holding his breath too while he slides into you, as deep as your bodies will allow.

You're obsessed with the sight in front of you; your own naked body, with your legs spread so far apart you can see how your cunt is stuffed full of him.

Being shorter though, your feet can't touch the ground like this. There's no way you'll get enough leverage to fuck yourself on him but as soon as you start to tell him that, he silences you with two thick fingers between your lips.

"I'm not letting you fuck me." His free hand roams over your body, squeezing your breasts, pinching your nipples and then settling between your spread thighs.

"I'm going to play with you. I'm going to see how much you can take. I'm going to work out exactly how you like your clit stroked and I'm going to do that until your legs are shaking and your body won't let you cum any more. Maybe then I'll fuck you but sweetheart, that will be hours from now." His breath is hot against the side of your face, his fingers slipping from your mouth to your waist while he starts to flick gently against your clit.

"I'm going to start slowly. I'm going to do everything I can to drag this out as long as possible. I can feel every clench and flutter of this pretty little cunt and I'm going to enjoy it until you're dripping over my balls." At this rate, it won't be long until you're dripping onto the carpet, never mind over him. You dreamed he'd want to take control like this but you never imagined the way your body would respond.

"And then, when you've cum more times than you can handle, I'm going to tell you that I love you while I fuck you like I don't."

Update: Part 2

#asks answered <3 #becca writes spice #🍯 anon #bucky barnes smut #bucky barnes x reader smut #dom!bucky #I think this might be one of my favourites that I've written recently #That last line has been my go - to fantasy this week #it's come into my head every morning when I'm walking to the train #and I planned to write an exploration of it today #but you know #I like it just left there like that for now #I've spent most of my free time trying to book a mid-week city break #but I don't know where to start #I got a new piercing this week and I love it!! #but I was in work on Friday talking about it #and our graphic designer asked how many piercings I had #so I told him I have 8. So 3 in each ear #and the expression on his face was just pure maths #he didn’t question it lmao

[spielzeugkaiser]

I come back for a hot second (and go into hiding pretty much right again) with some redrawn screencaps of what I'm watching currently!! 👀 All I have in me are the sillies-

#one piece #straw hat pirates #tony tony chopper #roronoa zoro #sanji #cat burglar nami #monkey d. luffy #from those scenes I picked you might be able to guess where I currently am on my rewatch 👀 #I NEEDED SOMETHING SILLY GUYS #and since I've seen opla I was like. what if. what if I do continue to watch it #(I originally have only watched one piece up to water 7 - maybe parts of the timeskip and sabody - that was YEARS ago) #I also need to add that I LOVE NAMI THIS TIME AROUND AAAAA #also sanji my pathetic wet kitten #CHOPPER!! ZORO!! LUFFY MY BELOVED #also I have not been sleeping on usopp guys

[rubysevens]

anyway in the past week the irish government has voted down two motions which would have condemned the genocide in gaza.

i need everyone to stop lionising ireland as if its not also a european government with strong ties to the us. american weapons pass through shannon airport and will continue to, because yesterday the motion to stop that was voted down 83 to 50.

other governments have done much more but somehow people still act as though ireland is the ultimate palestinian ally and exempt from criticism on its handling of palestine bc it was once colonised, even though that past experience clearly isnt being taken into account by the irish government when creating policy.

i live here i know there’s a lot of public support and sympathy for palestine, which is great, but that isnt reflected in government, and i think ireland should be treated like other countries whose governments have done nothing.

#i mean i think theres also a discrepancy btwn the govt and the people on palestine bc there hasnt been a general election since early 2020 #before the last few rounds of aggression by israel brought it back into mainstream western discussion #but also theres a degree of privilege in ppl not having felt the need to think abt it in 2020 yk. palestinians have been thinking abt this #since 1948 #there’s also the fact that ideological support of palestine absolutely doesn’t equate to better treatment of muslims #i can promise you this country is still very islamophobic and racist no matter where you go #and i feel like that gets glossed over when ireland is treated as the ultimate ally of palestine when. realistically. it isnt #be quiet b #sorry this is like paragraphs but im becoming frustrated 👍 #ive seen other posts abt this im not the first to say it they were just unrebloggable. understandably

[soosoosoup]

snowzone

#dreamworks trolls #trolls #trolls john dory #trolls bruce #trolls clay #trolls floyd #trolls branch #brozone #kinda missing the snow #while I'm glad it's not so cold anymore; I am not looking forward to how hot it gets #their sleds are walnut shells!! would a walnut shell make a good sled? probably not but it's cute so... walnut sled! #wanted to give bitty b one of those baby cow earmuffs and it spiraled to this lol #also saw some panels of dungeon meshi where young elves where these hats. truly inspired #haven't read/watched it yet but i can tell i would totally love it #I'm thinking of maybe making this my banner? it's like accidentally the correct size #trolls fanart #excuse the messiness #my art <3 #trolls band together #i have another snowzone drawing but im not really vibing with it. #thinking of maybe posting those discarded sketches under like... a scrapyard tag #there's only like 2 sketches so far lol #sorry I haven’t posted some broppy in a bit #been having some trouble with it coming out a little stiff. so I’m thinking that some good old brozone can refresh my system lol