#when does this cycle stop

[helloenee]

it’s so messed up that I need to do cardio so I’m not dying when I do more cardio

#when does this cycle stop #TTTTT #cardio is a weakness I must conquer 🥲 #or else I will be last in the crowd and get eaten by zombies

[brittlebutch]

it's actually so fascinating to me that Brennan has created a character that maintains a pretty relaxed and mild-mannered demeanor and has said multiple times that the absolute Core of her is "FEAR" and how often we see this Fear manifest specifically in Avoidance; it really nails a relationship to that mentality where your brain fully Stops recognizing the emotion properly out of like, sheer self-defense from the stress of having to carry it all the time

I think this is also perfectly showcased in the way we tend to see Tula swing so suddenly from 'level and steady' to 'snarling Panic' and then back again - Just because your brain has detached itself from the Conscious Recognition of the emotion doesn't mean it can Actually stop itself from experiencing it. So the Fear is always there and always acting as a stressor, but because of that inability to Identify it there's no way to recognize or address it before that final straw hits and your bodymind jumps Straight into Full Meltdown Mode; but then once again, once you drop even a Little bit below that Peak Terror your brain ceases to process the emotion; it's like the most exhausting form of Poor Object Permanence in the world

And even if Tula is aware of this happening to her, that doesn't really make it any easier to deal with / address. Even if you're able to spot the symptoms Around the emotion -- chest pain, irritation, nausea, whatever -- because the Emotion Itself is basically impossible to find, you can't really Successfully Pin Down what the problem is OR a way to cope with it. If you can't figure out That You Are Anxious, then figuring out What Is Making You Anxious is impossible, which makes Find A Way To Make Peace With That incomprehensible. That's where the Avoidance comes in: you can no longer identify what might be a Dangerous Situation, which means that Anything New has a big potential to be Really Bad in a variety of ways (ranging "I don't Feel Good" to "Fully Lashing Out bc you've entered Fight/Flight and can't get out of it" to "Actual Outside Danger This Time") and that means the Only Way you know how to be Safe is to just Avoid Doing Anything New and Only stick to Familiar Situations, because anything unfamiliar is a monster of a gamble you don't know how to prepare for or cope with

#N posts stuff #one could argue ‘we see tula worry a lot tho’ but that’s bc Worry is an Action that can occur Separately from Recognizing Anxiety #now that I know tumblr will put a hard cap on your tags w/o telling you i'm resigning myself to posting rambling meta in post body #but i'm not happy about it; anyway i love how often life is full of Coincidences bc this is something I've Finally identified in myself #like. This Month. like this is brand new articulation for some of the problems i have in life; again knowing this doesn't help lmao #bc even when you know to look Around the shape of the emotion - like 'oh my face is Snarling rn. i'm probably experiencing Something' #like i said bc you don't know What that something is OR What might have caused it then the only solution you Ever get to come up with #is just 'fully retreat and go calm down somewhere else' which INVARIABLY means that you will wind up in that same situation again #and Still have no idea how to handle it bc you never could figure out what caused it so you don't know how to handle it any better than #'fully retreat and go calm down somewhere else'; so 'be somewhere else' is the ONLY way you can ever think to Help it #which usually invariably turns into 'Just Avoid Fucking Everything just in case'; which doesn't work! bc life doesn't let you do that #so then it's just a cycle of falling into the same pitfalls and feeling miserable all the time; gotta love it :) #if you're like me this also gives you Bad Bad Bad Memory bc your brain will Promptly hide evidence of Scary Situation instinctively #like 3 weeks ago this dude ran a red light and almost t-boned me Full Speed & managed to stop like. maybe 3 feet away. #and i like. Startled Laughed and said 'that was scary' and then within 30 seconds i had Fully Forgotten it happened & only remembered #like 2 days ago. Ha! believe it or not this Does Not Help with 'How can I Address the Problem instead of Avoiding It Entirely?' #dimension 20 #d20: stupendous stoats #tula #d20lb

[starstruckodysseys]

thinking about the mall teens again. hundreds dead several injured

#every so often i’ll write something that isn’t about the Four Of Them #and then when i get back im like. omg how did i ever stop i love them so much #and it’s basically just that over and over. the cycle does not stop #play it by ear #mallapalooza #reese’s pieces

[angorwhosebabyisthis]

there are a lot of reasons i think pericles is really slept on as one of the most tragic characters in sdmi, and they start with how easy it is to connect the dots that he took a mind-destroying curse full to the face as an infant. one that breaks adult humans and renders them unrecognizable, when pericles was not only a baby but is from a species that is explicitly much more vulnerable to it. right from the beginning of his life the entity obliterated his sense of self so thoroughly that there's not even a version of him who shows up in the Sitting Room.

fuck, man.

#sdmi #scooby doo mystery incorporated #professor pericles #sdmi is fundamentally a show about the cycle of trauma and abuse--about breaking a very literal generational curse #and i think it does a real disservice to both that theme #and pericles' narrative specifically #that he gets painted as That One Guy Who's Just Evil and Abusive for No Reason #when everyone else gets the benefit of 'even thoroughly horrible people are still people' #'and that doesn't mean they didn't hurt you; or that you have to let them keep hurting you' #'or that you're obliged to proceed in a way allowing for the possibility they'll decide to stop. that's on them to do. and they might not.' #even w/o the systemic oppression or decades of torture and psychiatric abuse #pericles was a victim of the entity in genuinely and quite possibly the most thorough way of them all. and yet he made a lifetime worth of #choices and many many many of them were to harm people in horrific ways; to his own ends and for his own satisfaction #and like. what do you do with that. #it is difficult and uncomfortable to sit with that and draw conclusions from it that are neither 'his trauma means none of that counts' #nor 'okay yeah well he's a victim BUT HE DID BAD THINGS SO THAT DOESN'T MATTER FUCK HIM' #if there's any show that invites you to do that it's sdmi; i love that about it. but you can't leave pericles out w/o defeating the purpose #especially when the nature of his being a link in the cycle of abuse is critical context for exploring the trauma of his victims #the vast majority of what he does to ricky is very clearly projecting and reenacting his own trauma onto a vulnerable target #and just. aaaaahhhhhh i have so many feelings about it god #abuse cw #grooming cw #SDMItag

[dentist-brainsurgeon]

Every once in a while I'm reminded that there are people who legitimately believe that Pokemon games only have a 1 year dev cycle and my brain goes numb. It is physically impossible for games of this size to be developed within a year

Can we just go back to saying we dislike certain games/aspects of the games instead of making up things thank you

#yearly release does not equal a yearly development cycle get that into your brains please! #personally I think they should slow down and at least go back to a 4 year cycle and let the spinoffs get some time in the sun #there are 2~3 teams working on the games in conjunction with each other and those teams also include people from other studios #also can we stop with the whole ''Lazy'' accusation too when its literally the exact opposite problem (Crunch!! its fucking crunch!!) #a very pervasive and unfortunate aspect in game development that should be let go sooner rather than later #not to mention Pokemon designs themselves take weeks. months. years to actually come into fruition let alone actually show up in a game

[trans-cuchulainn]

i do think it's kind of funny that ao3 seems to have made a blanket change to all the "mythology" tags to make them "religion and lore" (not a good change) EXCEPT the "arthurian mythology" tag, which remains intact despite a Number of people trying to get that one reworked or at least different wrangled for ages. they're like "we're taking mythology away from all the contexts where it might be applicable. and leaving it in the context where it's dubious. this is a sensible change"

#Choices Were Made #genuinely very funny that they left that one specifically #extremely annoying that they changed the others #especially the (dubiously correct) use of irish and welsh #when the Norse tag etc does not use any language except english #so it feels weirdly othering #especially because the exact translation of the irish doesn't match the english #like béaloideas is not simply 'lore'. it is far more specific than that. #so it doesn't feel like a carefully thought through change #not to mention “ancient” which. crucially. they have not used for the norse tag #so it's only the irish and welsh material that's ancient huh?? those are not living traditiona to you huh??? #it's arbitrary inaccurate and problematic #also can they stop making the Ulster Cycle tag redirect into the general tag please !!! #that's like making captain america redirect into the general mcu tag... it's a venn diagram not a circle... #i want to be able to look for other ulster cycle fics and not scroll through twenty pages of 'assorted fandom plus fairies' #which is what dominates the irish mythology as-was tag and why i never found it browseable #but the new one is like. no actually i am not writing fic of 'ancient irish religion and lore' #that's not at all what I'm writing about #i am writing about medieval irish literature #'irish mythology' was never my favourite tag but god it was better than this

[youraveragecatastrophe]

The fact that in Rio Shadowsan saved Carmen who had gone off alone vs Carmen saving Shadowsan in Japan by offering her help despite his trying to go off alone...

[Image description : a man holding his hand to his forehead, eyes closed, and saying "Poetic cinema." /End description]

#the whole. carmen inspired shadowsan to leave and be better. she saved him in a way #and he saved her in poitiers #it's the exchange the mutuality a virtuous cycle #also it's the irony of carmen going 'stop disappearing and going off alone' when she does the same thing lmao #i love them <3 #fucking disasters the two of them #carmen sandiego 2019 #carmen sandiego #cs shadowsan #csweekly

[foxgirl]

in another loop…..

#ayingela #i even made references for this one myself… #i remember looking at the initial scetch and tearing up because like ffuck #its not that the art is angsty its THE CONTEXT #x/angela is so fucked up because he can genuinely act nice to her all the time but he does not remember. he does not remember how much he #loves her and when he falls for her IT ISNT HER he feels love towards. but he is so earnest #and she has to live through him looking at her like a stranger then looking at her like a lover then looking at her like she’s dead #because at some point he always always stops seeing her #but before that he is just so nice he is just so so nice #and she cant reject him all the time. maybe she gives in when she feels the cycle is doomed anyway?

[idiosyncraticrednebula]

Do you guys ever feel slightly unwell and you overthink about it to such an extremely unhealthy point that the thing you were feeling got 1000x worse and won't leave you the fuck alone precisely because you kept overthinking about it, jumping to the absolutely worst conclusions and now you feel like absolute and utter shit?

#txt #guys i've been feeling like this #i've been trying to relax but my ass just can't #and i'm basically fucking myself up like nobody's business #and i didn't want to call my mom this time who i always ask help for when this type of stuff happens to me #and holy fucking shit does it show that i have ZERO idea on how to handle these type of things #holy shit 💀💀💀 #it's precisely because i tend to overthink to incredibly unhealthy levels #and i damage my health and i start thinking about worse outcomes again and THE CYCLE NEVER FUCKING ENDS #i mean it hasn't 100% left but i'm feeling a bit better #man i really need whole courses on how to handle this type of stuff better #i try to but my ass won't fucking let me #jesus christ i need more therapy in my life #and the emotional therapy not the academic one i'm going to #anyway yeah venting really does help but only by 25% #the key is to STOP FUCKING THINKING AND I'M ALREADY AN OVERTHINKER ON THE REGULAR #SO HOW IN THE HELL IS THIS SHIT GONNA GO AWAY IF I EVEN FEEL A BIT FUCKED UP??? #i'm not even joking when i say i need a second therapist. that part is not a joke at all trust me

[spookylightwhispers]

stores here should stop selling sweaters because the temptation to buy is so strong, so strong, they look so comfy and cute and comfy, comfy and then you give in to the temptation and you buy it and then you delude yourself into thinking you can wear it and then you actually wear it and you spend the entire day internally crying because now you're just a soggy bag of sweat and you know what this isn't comfy anymore and you just want to teleport home and change into a plain, thin t-shirt because these comfy, comfy, cute little sweaters are not meant for this tropical, humid city jungle and then you go through the whole cycle once more

#how many cycles does it take before you find the strength to say no? #and when someone points out what you're wearing you go like oh it's actually not that hot #😭🖐🏼 #stop being an enabler! 😡

[dredshirtroberts]

the nice thing about being back home is that i can make poor food choices and handle the consequences in the safety of my own environment

the bad thing about this is that i am very good at making poor food choices when we're home and therefore safe, and thus must handle the consequences.

#the whole time we were back in virginia i had like Zero digestive issues #maybe a smidge of heartburn/acid reflux after drinking a little too much or eating too close to bed #but like other than that nothing - i was very good about avoiding my Main Trigger Food #(the 'matoes are so tasty and deserve their spot on all foods but my tumby does not enjoy them as much as the rest of me does) #soon as we got back it was like everything i was doing to be careful went out the door #and I stopped even attempting to track and avoid tomato consumption #(the main culprit was pizza and that's mainly on me - we had it 4 times in very short succession and i know better #and should have tapped out for at *minimum* the last pizza and just had something else for myself #but look - pizza is fun and delicious and easy as hell to have when spoons are low #sometimes sacrifices are made #today's been the roughest tumby day i've had in a hot minute - exacerbated i'm certain by my menstrual cycle #we're a couple days to a week out shit's going BONKERS and hopefully i'll actually have one and not have to wait a month AGAIN

[bravevolunteer]

suicide mention tw // was thinking more about my h.unger g.ames au last night and realized there sure is something to be said about michael, known to not have that stable of a will to live, as a victor who, despite his tendency to lash out, will not only Not be killed for it but if necessary they'd probably actively stop him from trying to do it himself. thinking about how i said he's probably had episodes where they had to sedate him. which could not only be about lashing out against the capitol but also himself. okay. okay i'm regular-

#michael who lives with the constant thought that he should have died in the arena. who has this reinforced by william either explicity or #implicitly. who constantly has the rest of his family's lives hung over his head after his actions got his brother killed knowing that if h #fucks up the only one doomed to survive it will be him. who (which this i havent gone into bc ??) eventually ends up alone anyway! #it's about the endless cycle where no matter what he does it's never enough but he's not allowed to escape either #i don't post about michael's suicidal ideation outside of implications in threads nearly as much as i should #because it IS very heavy but also it's. so important when talking about his mental state #yeah. there had to be An Incident where he tried and was stopped. i feel fucking insane #suicide tw #suicidal ideation tw #suicide attempt tw #ask to tag #⁂ ･ﾟ: i was looking for a job‚ and then i found a job‚ and heaven knows i’m miserable now ➛ ooc

[loveistheonlytruth]

i hate always feeling like the ugliest person, someone so wholly disgusting and undesirable, undeserving of love. its a constant feeling and im so TIRED

#even in moments that i know its irrational somehow it always feels true even though i know it isnt…… idk how to explain it #and these feelings manifest into other problems lol #when i look back on myself a year or two years before i always marvel how lovely i was but all the memories i have is me hating myself #and the cycle repeats over and over… when does it stop… how do i make it stop

[casketscratch]

Big fuzzy sweater.

Big fuzzy purring lap warmer.

♥️

#my brain is reeling and #idk it's something hormonal and etc bc my T ultimately got too low and I've been getting regular periods again #which does mean I'm LESS stressed than before! #but every time emotionally? I feel such total fear and dread #like I'm waiting to die and I can never stop crying and begging at #nothing? #they're the hardest emotional cycles to get through but #I'm trying and we're doing it #tomorrow will be better and it's hard to sob when #look at that cat #progress? idk #recovery something

[murobrown]

.

#it's that time of the month when I just want to sell my uterus on black market with human organs #the week leading up to my period is far more worse than the actual period #it made me gain 2 kg and I can't stop freaking out about it...i know i lose them every month but my brain won't leave me alone #it's making me want to starve myself or just work out until i collapse #tmi sorry...how is your Friday evening? #I'm bored and I'm deciding between going to bed before 11 pm or let my brain torture me a little bit more #I don't even think I'm excited about the weekend anymore because it means I'll have to eat again #you just eat and work out and eat and work out and try not think about the calories because we're not doing thay anymore #but deep down my brain still knows the numbers and won't let me go over 900 calories #i perfected my body but destroyed my head even more #i shouldn't say thay but maybe it's worth it #feeling happy in my own skin is the best feeling in the world #and I know I'm shallow because of that but for the first time in my life i like my body #i actually like all parts of my body #and knowing that i did it with all that hard work feels even better #but on the other hand now I'm just too scared I'm going to lose it all if I eat a cookie after lunch #i think I'm too deep into this #is it bad that I like the feeling of bones under my skin? #am I becoming delusional? #that's what a menstrual cycle does to a emotionally unstable woman #it makes me feel angry that out of four weeks in a month i get like max two weeks when I feel good and normal #all of that for nothing #anyway maybe it's time to stop myself..

[heartslobbf]

thinks about the kiryuu siblings. explodes

#spent far too long thinking about nanamis precious thing today :) #and also the student council meeting in gracefully cruel.. ‘i only wanted to treat my dear sister well’ / ‘like a pet cat?’ aND ALSO + #THE GREEN BALLOON WITH THAT LINE!!!!!!! #anyways um i had to stop thinking about the kiryuu siblings they would just be like he betrays you as much as he saves you your brother + #will sell you your brother will eat you eldest sibling resentment youngest sibling naivety all you did was be born resent and hate and love+ #and adoration and just. the cruelty of touga’s actions. the unspoken resentment he holds. the sense of alienation of it all #idk there r LOTS of moments in 10 31 and 32 in particular where touga does something absolutely fucking despicable right after nanamis said+ #something that is sooooooooooooo ganymede core and if that doesn’t destroy you idk what will #girls when they try to articulate the parallels between anthy and nanami and anthy and touga and akio and touga and all of those 4 without + #exploding. like the post says it all lol im just rambling here being insane #the mistrust the lying the violence the adoration the love the resentment ALL OF IT. ALL OF IT!!!!!!! #tearing my hair out. absolutely screaming and crying #i have my first a level exam tomorrow morning and im just sitting here thinking about nanami. drowned kitten. calf for the slaughter #and her brother who has decided that instead of being a victim he will be an abuser. idk man! they fuck me up #you know he betrays you as much as he saves you………. anyways #light and love <333333 #rgu was just like hey here’s nanami an abused 13 yo girl who has no conceptualisation of different forms of love and adores her brother and+ #desires to be close to him like they were as kids. but he’s so cruel to her keeping her at arms length when he needs her and ultimately + #rejecting her. gee i wonder why that is……. oh…….. Oh…… #all you did was be born. your brother will raise you and sell you and eat you. the cycle of it all. ok im going 2 lie down now #shut up daisy #rgu #revolutionary girl utena