#whatever whatever i truly am rly happy | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

aanoia · 1 year

Text

Pretty in the Moonlight

Thomas Jefferson x reader

Summary; just missing your boyfriend and him missing you

Warnings; broken glass, cheesy Thomas

Words; idkk

I wrote this forever ago

Requests are welcome and encouraged!

Baby😘

y’know ur rly pretty, we should go out sometime

r u high again

highly in love with u

u do the cutest things

like what

exist

I smiled at my phone as I sat on my couch. I stared at what my boyfriend of almost a year said to me, happiness blooming in my heart. My phone dinged as another message came through.

Sick Boi 🤒🤧

are you texting him rn

like currently

wha

thomas, r u texting thomas rn

yes

dude he’s smiling at his phone mad hard rn

stop, my heart

i’m not kidding he’s smiling so much

I shut my phone off and squealed, kicking my legs into the air. Fast footsteps came down the hall to reveal the youngest Schuyler sister.

“What is it? What happened?” She asked quickly.

“Come here,” I motioned her over as her sister came behind her. Peggy sat next to me whereas Angelica and Eliza stood behind the couch, peering over our shoulders.

I opened my phone to show them the texts. Big smiles grew on their faces as they read Thomas’ texts, and then Peggy started squealing when she read James’.

“Oh my god, y/n, Jeffersons in love with you,” Angelica commented with a big smile.

“By the looks of it the feeling is reciprocated as well,” Eliza teased and I smiled, hiding my red face in my sweater paws.

Thomas’ sweater. I remember when he purposely ordered it a size too big for him (for my bigger girls who think they won’t fit into his sweatshirt, don’t sweat it, he needs bigger sizes for his big muscles and he likes his sweatshirts big on him as well, don’t worry about that my loves, body positivity) so it’d be baggy on me.

“Omg, you should go see him!” Peggy said excitedly, “When was the last time you left the dorm? You’ve been so busy studying, you haven’t had time to see him. He’s probably so emo about it,” She said quickly and I laughed.

“Okay, I’ll go see him,” I stood from the couch as the sisters dispersed and walked to my room. I put on a pair of sweatpants over my shorts because it was cold outside, and just slipped my slides over my socks. The combo might look horrible but it’s so comfortable.

I stepped out of the door, immediately shivering at the cold night air as I closed it. I could see my breath in the air as I looked at the moon and the stars, slightly smiling at the sight before my eyes. I truly am grateful it’s a sight I get the privilege to see anytime when the clouds aren’t out and concealing its beauty. The leaves on the trees sang as the wind passed through them, every once in a while a leaf would fall, signaling that winter was coming soon.

As I neared Thomas’ dorm room I heard voices inside, the dumbest thing the school’s done was put Thomas Jefferson and Alexander Hamilton in the same dorm room. I went up to the door and decided to silently walk in instead of knocking. The boys were arguing in the living room area of the dorm as James was trying not to have a coughing fit on the couch and Aaron was sitting at the island holding his head in his hands. John was nowhere to be found so I assumed he was next door with Laf and Hercules.

I silently walked over to the fridge, waving to Aaron who immediately noticed I was there. I grabbed a glass from the drying mat and quietly pulled the milk from the fridge, I barely paid attention to the fight that was happening as I poured my milk. I turned around and walked towards the island but tripped over something, in an attempt to not step on whatever I tripped on, I dropped the glass of milk. The glass shattered against the ground, successfully catching the attention of everyone in the room.

I gave them a sheepish smile, “Hi?”

“Darlin’, when did you get here?” Thomas asked, frozen in place.

“Like, two minutes ago. Now, where is the broom?”

Aaron pointed to the corner where the trash can was and I nodded as a silent thank you. Before I got the broom, I bent down and picked up the culprit for the tripping. John’s turtle.

“Here, I’ll put him in his enclosure,” Aaron offered and I smiled at him, handing the turtle over to him.

I went to get the broom, but Thomas ran and beat me there.

“Let me get that for you.” He said and I rolled my eyes, grabbing onto the broom, but he didn’t let go.

“Thomas, I made the mess.”

“It’s my dorm, and I’m stronger than you. I win."

I rolled my eyes again and defiantly let go. I began searching for a rag to clean the milk up with as he swept up the glass. Alexander threw something at me and I smiled at the rag in my hands.

“Thanks, dickhead.”

“Anytime, asshole."

After Thomas swept the glass I quickly wiped up the milk. Once I put the rag in the sink arms immediately wrapped around my waist.

“Hello, baby." I said quietly with a smile.

“I missed you.” He whispered in my neck, sending shivers down my spine.

“I’ve missed you too, my love.”

“I wanna go on a walk with you,” He mumbled.

“Okay, let’s go.” I gently unwrapped his arms from my waist and he reluctantly left my side to slip his shoes on.

Once he put them on he opened the door and gestured for me to exit. I did and he followed after me, quietly closing the door so as to not wake anyone. He held my cold hand, warming it up as we walked.

We walked in silence until we sat on a bench, looking up at the moon.

It was quiet until his voice cut through the air.

“Has anyone ever told you that your eyes sparkle in the moonlight?”

I looked at him beside me and smiled, “No, no one has ever told me that. And that's really cheesy.”

He tucked a piece of hair behind my ear (if you have long enough hair for that), “Shame on them. You’re so beautiful in the moonlight. And I love cheese so that's okay.”

“As are you, Thomas, and yes, cheese is delicious.” I responded as his face neared mine.

Our lips met in a soft kiss, his hand touched my cheek. My heart’s rhythm synced with his and our lips moved together perfectly, his thumb gently caressed my cheek, and my arm wrapped around the back of his neck. We pulled back for air, our foreheads resting against each other.

“I love you so much, mon amour.” He whispered.

“I love you too.” I whispered back with a smile.

#thomas jefferson #thomas jeffershit #thomas jefferson x reader #hamilton #hamilton x reader #alexander hamilton #aaron burr #james madison #schuyler sisters #aanoia

249 notes · View notes

hoshologies · 1 year

Note

Stanning NCT dream was the right decision, they're literally one of the 3 groups I Stan now (well NCT is.. but you get the point)

Anyways any thoughts about Jeno? Just at all, soft or hard,, idc

-yh

my gf is literally going to be so annoyed w me bc they introduced me to nct, esp dream, and they're trying to get me into 127, wayv, and exo (which i am open to ofc) but my adhd comes with severe hyperfixations and right now nct dream is the group that my adhd has latched onto so they're all i wanna listen to rn LMAO but i am having so much fun learning abt them and listening to their songs!! i'm rly excited for istp !! (also markjun my babiessss i love them so much my boys forever <3)

anyways jeno... i have a soft spot for big strong men and jeno is no exception. i'm writing both just for u bffie bc i haven't seen u in my inbox in forever <3. afab reader, smut under the cut. mdni!!

soft jeno who drops everything when you even slightly hint at wanting or needing his attention for whatever reason. doesn't matter what he's doing. he's setting it aside and giving you the attention you're craving. he's so incredibly whipped that he'll do just about anything you ask, if it's something he can do at the moment. you wanna order takeout and watch a movie and cuddle on the couch? on it. you're asking to share a nice bubble bath together? he's asking what scent you want. like it truly does not matter; he just wants to make you happy and give you the attention you deserve.

he can be a little mean about it though sometimes. not in an "i'm busy and you're annoying me" way, of course. more so, he just wants to tease you and make you work a little for his attention. he'll tell you he's a little busy at the moment and can't put a hold on it, but says that you're more than welcome to sit on his lap and wait. you do and it's always nice for a little while until he convinces you to cockwarm him. he reasons that you wanted his attention and that's what he can offer for now, so be good and do it for him? please? he'll take care of you later, he promises. and you can't ever say no to him, not when you want him in you all the time anyways.

#nct dream x reader #jeno x reader #nct dream smut #jeno smut #kpop smut #hard.thought #nct dream.thought #jeno.thought #soft.thought

115 notes · View notes

lostmyremembrall · 1 year

Note

congratulations on 1K! you definitely deserve it! I absolutely adore your characterization for tom, and am always so excited whenever you post!

I would love to join the event if it's still going on! could i request the diadem (👑)? my name’s jennifer, im a slytherin, and i grew up with tom at wools orphanage. im physically affectionate, love to read and explore, and i like to joke around, lightly flirt with, and tease people. i normally keep most people at arms length though, so its rare for me to become close to anyone. when i truly care for someone though, i love to spoil them and spend time with them. i normally seem unapproachable, but im actually pretty friendly. im sure that after enough time has passed, id have fallen for tom, but i don't think he'd be interested, so im sure id bottle it up inside of me.

sorry if thats too detailed! i got carried away thinking about it! would it be possible to do tom riddle era (1930's - 1940's)?

once again, thank you for the fun event, and i hope you enjoy writing for our lord and savior tom riddle as much as we all enjoy reading your stories! 💚

👑𝐘𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐇𝐨𝐠𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐭𝐬 𝐘𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐬

𝓙𝓮𝓷𝓷𝓲𝓯𝓮𝓻

A/N: Thank you so much for your request! As I was writing this, I kept thinking how perfect of a pair you and Tom would make! But alas, you've asked for a diadem so I'll stick to your storyline of unrequited love.

I am sorry this took so long, and I appreciate your patience! I'm also sorry that this got rly long. I feel like it ended up being more like a fanfic rather than an HC. If you're not happy with it, or feel like this character isn't really you (especially the decision you make to forgive Tom at the end), feel free to DM and I'll redo it!

𝐶𝑜𝑚𝑒 𝐽𝑜𝑖𝑛 𝑡ℎ𝑒 1𝐾 𝐸𝑣𝑒𝑛𝑡! Now closed

𝐎𝐫𝐩𝐡𝐚𝐧𝐚𝐠𝐞 𝐘𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐬

You were born the same year as Tom. With Tom's birthday being the last day of the year, you are always older than him, a fact Tom's not particularly fond of.

It took a long time for Tom to come around, but he had plenty of time to observe you and understand you as a person before approaching you for an alliance.

Needless to say, surviving an orphanage in the 1920s brought you and Tom close.

You two had to stick together in these hard times if it meant surviving your childhood. The malnutrition. Cholera. Tuberculosis. The flu. There were plenty of opportunities for either of you to die.

When the two of you were being scolded by Mrs. Cole, you two would hold hands together in solidarity.

Even with your eyes turned to the floor, you knew Tom was next to you, going through the same thing. And that was comfort enough for the two of you.

That meant if either had a chance to steal some food from the local vendors, you were sharing it.

One time, Tom managed to steal a candy bar called 'Milky Way' from America.

As malnourished children, the two of you ate that up in minutes.

It's one of your fond memories, hiding in the alleyway after school as the two lick your fingers clean.

Tom knew you were loyal, a trait he most appreciated about you. He knew that whatever he did to other orphans, you weren't going to rat on the Matron.

Tom displayed his magic first, and of course, he showed it to you and you only.

When you displayed your magic, he was disappointed at first, that he wasn't the special one.

But, as soon as he realised that his magic was superior to yours (and everyone's, the nerve of him), he grew to appreciate that he can share this with his closest friend.

It felt like winning the lottery when you both got the visit from Dumbledore.

The world was your oyster, free to explore and take to your content with Tom.

Visiting Diagon Alley together, and shopping for Hogwarts as you two experienced everything new, is also one of your cherished memories.

A sense of solidarity brought you two even closer, to challenge and learn about the new world together. You two were literally inseparable.

A lot of your time is spent with Tom, exploring the wizarding world, whether through books or in real life.

After spending your first night in the Slytherin dorm, you and Tom met up to discuss. You both agreed that, in order to survive this pureblood frenzied house, it would be wise not to disclose about the muggle orphanage you two grew up in.

𝐀𝐜𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐦𝐢𝐜𝐬

You are an excellent student, always learning and reading.

Professors do notice your teasing remarks in class when someone embarrasses themselves. But, some professors enjoy your comments and are more lenient than others as long as it's not too disruptive.

You're quite good at Care for Magical Creatures.

After having to take care of some creatures during class, some of these beasts really grew on you.

You spoil them by stealing some food from the kitchen or the Great Hall, giving them a taste of "real food" as you say.

In the later years, when you and Tom stopped sneaking into the kitchen, this comforted you and replicated the endearing memories of sharing food with Tom.

Being the high-achieving Slytherin that you are with the actual ability and interest in classes, you easily make it to prefect.

Dumbledore is somewhat cautious of you, suspecting that you might be enabling Tom.

𝐑𝐞𝐥𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬

You may be intimidating at first, but you end up being quite popular as people figure out that you're friendly and kind, unlike some of the Slytherins.

Your jokes and teases are funny, and everyone knows it's always a fun time when you're involved.

Others may think they know you quite well.

But, you know that they don't know the real you. You wouldn't call them your close friends.

Really, the only person that would fit that category is Tom, who's practically known you for your entire life.

With your fun, flirty nature and teases, some people turn bright red, not used to the direct advances. And they love that. They love your attention and tease.

Needless to say, you get quite a few letters from secret admirers.

(𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐂𝐨𝐦𝐩𝐥𝐢𝐜𝐚𝐭𝐞𝐝) 𝐑𝐞𝐥𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧��𝐡𝐢𝐩 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐓𝐨𝐦

The first few years felt just like before with Tom, just in a different environment.

Sneaking out of the dorm at night to explore the castle.

Stealing some late-night dessert from the kitchen to eat on top of the Astronomy Tower, enjoying the sugar that is definitely a luxury back home.

Sneaking into the Forbidden Forest. Exploring Hogsmeade.

Only Tom got your special attention. You would spoil him with your time and love and gifts.

Tom was the same. He truly cared for you and you only, and he expressed his appreciation for you in a similar way.

Before you go to sleep, you'd find a small box, hidden underneath your pillow.

However Tom got into the girl's dorm will remain a mystery.

Sometimes, they're notes detailing the earnest feelings he couldn't confide to anyone else. His anxiety. His fears. His joy.

Oftentimes, they're expensive jewellery, maybe purchased, maybe stolen.

"The prettiest jewellery for the prettiest girl I know"

The note would say in a childish attempt at being suave.

But, starting 4th year, things began to feel different. He's grown tall. His intellectual eyes always looking straight ahead. His sharp cheekbones and jawlines signalling his approaching adulthood.

You began to feel a flutter in your heart every time he caught your eyes in class.

At the same time, you noticed a change in Tom as well. You couldn't quite place it, but it felt like he was growing out of your reach.

Like you weren't just two kids that goof around anymore.

Some would say that's only natural as children begin to recognise the changes and differences between the genders. But, you felt like there was something more than just that.

He would spend hours in the library, researching something.

It no longer seemed like having fun exploring with you was the priority for Tom, as he focused on his studies and his achievements.

His talents were unheard of, and you felt the bitterness that he was going to places you cannot follow.

He would still hang out with you, though it was no longer just you he hung out with. Abraxas Malfoy, Lestrange, Avery, and a few other Slytherins began taking up Tom's time.

It seemed like they were meeting late at night without you. When you inquired Tom about it, he merely chuckled,

He'd lift your chin up with his fingers with a smirk

"Wouldn't want to join some vulgar conversation of teenage boys, do you?"

You'd freeze under his teasing gaze. Who wouldn't?

Taking your silence as a cue for agreement, Tom would run his thumb over your cheeks.

"Now, smile - for me."

Countless times you've thought about telling him, writing to him about how you felt about him.

But, you'd see his large shoulders, hunched over the table as he focused on assignments or creating new spells

And every time, you'd end up swallowing the words, knowing Tom had his mind set on things greater than romance.

It's in the late 5th year when you begin to worry about Tom's mental health.

One night, he comes bursting into your room. Agitated, he is pacing back and forth in front of you.

He knows your loyalty, so he knew he could only come to you to open up about the murder he's just committed.

It finally dawns on you what had been distancing you from Tom this whole time.

It was his hidden obsession with his family line, the Dark Arts, his rage and vengeance: all of the things Tom had kept from you this whole time.

You place a comforting hand on his trembling cheeks as he looks up to you with teary eyes, almost pleading silently, as if begging for your forgiveness. Your acceptance.

As you look into his eyes, his face line still retaining a bit of that youthful innocence, you'd wonder 'where it all went wrong.'

Where did your Tom go? That endearing boy who would steal candy bars for you. That kind, protective boy who would gift you jewellery, calling you his 'one and only.'

You seriously pondered, whether you recognised the Tom in front of you. Whether you were ready to forgive him.

But still, you couldn't get the image of his kind smile out of your mind. The way he used to smile before it all went to shit.

His soft lips curved in a similar way, still. His eyes still shimmered innocently, still.

In the end, you made him promise not to delve into Dark Arts again. It ends here.

And that he'll come to you whenever his rage and vengeance overtook him.

Tom flashed the most beautiful smile up at you. A tear pouring out in relief.

He took your hands and hastily pressed his lips to it, causing you to feel a clenching pang in your heart.

"I promise, Jennifer," he said with a smile. "I won't let you down."

We all know that Tom wouldn't keep his promise.

#i'm not crying you are #1k celebration #1k event #1k milestone #1k followers #1K follower event #harry potter #1k follower celebration #tom riddle #tom riddle jr #tom marvolo riddle #tom riddle fanfiction #tmr #tom riddle fanfic #harry potter fanfiction #tom riddle fic #tom riddle x you #tom riddle x reader

18 notes · View notes

ofmdee · 1 month

Text

foof. typing this out on tumblr because it feels easier to collect my thoughts here rather than twitter, lmfao, but MAN my creative well is bone dry rn, i feel like i have zero energy and motivation to work on projects and i just. it's driving me crazy lmfao, and in the back of my mind i know i'm burnt out and need a break, but it's so hard to take a break, because like, i don't have much else going on in my life rn, or ever, like fandom has always been a huge, important part of my life and i don't rly know what to do or who i am if im not obsessed over SOMETHING lmfao. my gf said last night something like, i guess it's hard to take a break when it's related to a hyperfixation/special interest and like!! yeah!! it's rly hard to untangle all of that!

but. idk. i don't feel happy rn with a lot of things irl and online, and i know i need to rest and do nothing and let the well fill up again but that also scares me? so i am just going to try to ease up on myself a little bit, try to go more than a day without feeling compelled to post something new just because i'm afraid ppl will leave or forget me or something if i don't constantly pump out Content. and i know i did this to myself, lmfao, i rly don't know how to do things in moderation and this is a constant cycle of going too hard and then abruptly losing all interest

my gf sent me this last night and even the first paragraph got me!!! like, that's ME!!!

i am in the reluctant admission stage rn lmfao.

i am not going to say i am completely going to stop creating during this time, because that would be a lie, but i am rly going to try and chill tf out, stop worrying about getting fics done in time for mermay, and just kinda try to recharge. and i don't wanna say this is a firm break or whatever because when i inevitably fail at taking a break, i will end up beating up on myself, so im just gonna say i am gonna try to be like...... idk, creative Lite or something for a little bit.

im still gonna be around every day lmfao, but probably for less time than usual. i'm still gonna reblog/retweet things, and i'll probably have some original stuff as well, but i am not gonna keep holding myself to the impossible standard of having something new every day. and i know no one else expects that of me!!! but i have somehow put that expectation on myself. i can use this time to share some old favorites again instead!!

i just started a new game+ in coral island, so ive got that going for me, lmfao, and it's getting nicer outside finally and i rly truly need to touch grass more often!! idk why i always feel like i need a huge explanation for what i do, and it probably wont even be super noticeable to most ppl lol, but!! idk. sometimes i just need to work things out this way.

so, i am releasing myself of the burden of having some fics done for mermay, and posting daily, and feeling like i have to make tangible progress on creative projects on the regular. or, that is my goal, at any rate. i think i'll just focus on gifs/still shots for mermay, my fics will be ready when they are ready 😤 but even if i don't do that much, it's okay!!! mermaids are good any time of the year imho.

i just need to get to a point where i actually Enjoy the process of creating again, because it feels like a chore rn and i hate that :((((

idk, anyway if u read all this thank u, thank u for following me and liking what i do, here is an old gif for ur troubles

#xoxod #under a cut because it got rambly

6 notes · View notes

emptybrainstuff · 1 year

Text

Why is it that you don't date anyone anymore? Do you have a specific problem with that?

Yeah, i think. No, i know

What is it?

I would rather not say, don't you think everyone are subject to having some things to themselves? I think this is my little secret, something i don't want anyone to know. Not because I'm embarrassed but i just feel like it would be tainted or something if others knew. I want it to be something just between us, me and the person it concerns.

So, you're heartbroken?

Well to be straightforward, yes, I'm heartbroken. I don't think ik how to deal with it, it'll be my own little secret.

Will you reveal it to the concerned person though?

I don't have the guts to do that. Don't you think i would have done it long ago? When i actually could have? When they would have listened? Maybe a part of the reason that i was scared that they would actually listen. Ik i should regret not telling them but i can't bring myself to, just like how i can't, even now.

Have you found a remedy for your broken heart?

Nope, not yet. Every broken heart has its own remedy, its own solution, a unique one at that. For some ppl it's someone, for others it's something and for the other few, it's a dream. Yk ig people seek out the solution actually, for their own betterment and happiness, maybe most people do. Isn't that what life is? Human beings and their wants, their needs. And they spend the rest of their lives chasing to find the solution, a piece to solve the puzzle and salve their heart. I do too. My dreams. But that's not the cause of this broken heart.

Then?

A person. Or maybe i think it's actually my own actions. I rly dk. But yeah, a person.

So? Why don't you go and find your own solution?

You see... The thing is, i don't want to. I don't want to find the solution. Ik it sounds vaguely self-destructive but i don't want to. At least not now and maybe not for a long time... I think because in the subconscious or conscious whatever, i rly want the person to come back and maybe they are the only solution to ever exist for the mortifying pain. I don't think I'd want another solution even if it exists.

Honestly? I feel right at home with the mortifying pain. Am i a masochist?

idk but i don't think it matters.

Comfort. Isn't that what everyone wants? Comfort. Absence of the necessity to feel not judged. Because you know you won't be judged. That's what comfort is. The mortifying ordeal of being known. It's part scary and part exhilarating. It's a weird combination which makes you feel wonderful. Maybe that's what everyone wants. To feel special. To belong.

And this pain? The trickle of blood from the jagged edges where the pieces of my heart had been ripped out? Makes me feel.... Special. Wanted. Unique. Unjudged. It's stupid rly. To get addicted to pain. I can understand if it's another's pain. But your own? That's even sicker. Well, doesn't love make us sick?

It feels horribly wrong for someone else to fill that gaping wound instead of them. Not her soft hand closing the jagged wounds. But rather unfamiliar fingers touching the blood. It feels uncomfortable to even think abt it. Showing my heart to someone? That's easy, the whole, unbroken, full heart. This wretched thing held captive by my ribs? I can't show this to anyone. It's beautifully corrupted. By the hands i want around my neck. To corrupt me indeed, body and soul, mind and heart, skin and flesh. To be corrupted to the point where i can feel nothing but her warm breath, to hear nothing but her singing voice, to see nothing but her smile, to want nothing but her presence. Maybe, if I'm lucky, if truly fate is in its work, i would have the privilege to show her the art, that is my heart, she begot. But like i mentioned, i do not want to find the solution.

Why do you think i suffer alongside my heart with the memories once created? That stay in a place so so so close to reality that i think i might.. might as well go mad? Mad with love. Mad with hate. Mad with the memories my lonely mind created in solitude when you deserted us? Sorry.... when she deserted us. I suffer and suffer more not because of her but because of myself. The constant remembrance of words she bared which lay imprinted on the veins of my heart looks upon the liquid which was once considered precious flowing now with all its use drained from it. I read the same messages again and again hoping that i would find more reasons i could convince my hopeless heart about our love. I rethink all of the moments we spent together analysing what i could have said, what i should have said instead. Maybe then she'd come back.... As if she ever will. It's pathetic really. How i hope she'd return. What could i have said? What could i have done to make her stay, to want her to be by my side. At least to talk to me, talk with me. But what's the point of rethinking all of this when you know that she isn't gonna come back? But i do anyway.

I am just so so tired. I actually don't think I've spent even a single day without thinking about her. It's been more than six entire months. We used to not be able to stop talking to each other even for a day and look where we are now. More than a year. I thought, i really thought i meant more than that.

Don't you think if someone really wants something, they'd work for it? If you really want something, shouldn't you atleast try to make it work? It's cowardly to leave and escape the moment things turn a little bit sour. If it had been me, i would have worked for it, hard. Begged to try and make it work. Cause it was how much she meant to me, our friendship meant to me. It's pathetic tbh, how she was my everything and i didn't matter much after all. But- but how? Even if i mattered less, how was it so easy to just throw me away? Yk what maybe it's actually me. Maybe it's my fault that i would have tried to make it work no matter what. I'm glad, rly happy that she wanted to be better though. Maybe i shld learn how to do that. But what can I do when she is the one who made me better? Made me happy and satisfied and content even when everything was falling apart? It's stupid, it's stupid how much i crave her and that too not even physically but emotionally and mentally. I should have tried better. But I'm angry too. And I'm scared that the dam will one day burst open and spill all that anger at the worst time possible. So i bite tongue and push the words deep into my throat to keep it from spilling out. No matter what, I'll try, atleast try to keep that from happening again.

#love #heartbroken #heartbreak #rant post #rant #confession #confess your sins #lmao what's this?#ignore this smh #not proofread #sobbing my heart out #vision so blurry

8 notes · View notes

att4boy · 10 months

Text

some thoughts

i was reminded of this blog bc i was watching mina le's lovely video on subcultures and aesthetics, and rmbed the times i came on here and reblogged all these art hoe (or whatever) photos with the #aesthetic tag, and tried to make my blog look all cohesive and pretty as well. i was 13 when i first started this blog - in fact i started it the day after i turned 13, if i'm not wrong? just a few days after... - and now i'm turning 21, and still thinking about this place. i joined tumblr bc all my friends were on it and it seemed like such a cool place. now all the friends (irl and not) i used to have here are gone.

(are any of you still here? let me know...)

i've been thinking about my relationship with the internet recently, inspired mainly by chia amisola (among many others on twitter). when i was younger i was so careless with what i posted. not using careless in a bad way, btw. i mean careless as in unself-conscious, careless as in happy to chat with anyone who happened to be around. when i had just started elementary school my sister helped me set up a blog where i happily posted about my day (i went to kfc today!), and then in p3 i tried to set up a blog to document my family (though it never materialised in the end; i think my mum heard about it and discouraged me from doing it, though i truly don't rmb much anymore). and when i got instagram i started a transparents account (those overlays to put on pictures that everyone was rly into back then) on instagram that got almost 1k followers, i had (have - it's still available online, though we haven't posted since 2016) a book fandom account with three of my friends where we posted our little fanedits of books like divergent and hunger games and twilight. i remember briefly chatting in the comments to some guy a year or two older whose username referenced mockingjay about singapore and school... making a transparent for this ? influencer ? my age ?? that i thought was rly cool... and then something changed, i'm not sure what. i think i became more conscious not of data privacy and security and whatnot, but of how hostile the internet could be when you had a "bad" opinion. i was finding my way into the parts of the internet that discussed feminism, intersectionality, lgbtq+ rights, etc... and don't get me wrong, i think those are all excellent movements that i'm proud to be part of, but i think i also stumbled into areas where accidentally being insensitive or uninformed was very harshly criticised and looked down upon. and i think, probably, i was already the sort of person to naturally be a bit more worried and anxious about doing the "right thing" - i was always the goody-two-shoes in class, still am today to some extent. so the internet changed around me and i came to know it as somewhere where i shouldn't ask too many questions, where i shouldn't criticise.

but then i've been reading about other people's experiences on the internet - how they grew up and built their entire worldview there, made friends across the globe and changed the trajectory of their lives because of it... and i am of course remembering my younger days of freedom of the internet. i miss that era! i wonder how different i would be if i had walked further into this space and talked more. now all i do is lurk on twitter with a private account, ghost cool people trying to follow me back, dream about replying to posts and weaving a friendship from nothingness... i am definitely romanticising, to some extent, but i don't think my version of the internet back then (/ now) is wholly accurate either. i am imagining a version of myself with more confidence and curiosity, and i am wondering if i can still spin that version into existence.

i guess this post is an attempt at that? the last time i came here to talk abt something and then i ended up moving that into a private google doc. but it feels appropriate for me to post about coming back onto / into the internet on tumblr, where i have "been" for years and years. i've been thinking about starting a blog, or a public twitter, or maybe (this one just came to mind) restarting a tumblr and seeing where things go. i don't know if i'll keep it up... but wouldn't it be nice to try?

#mine #oh.. tumblr has changed so much since i last came back #every time i come back and get surprised again and again #i love that when i highlight smth to put quotation marks around it it just Does that without deleting the entire thing! like an ide!#since i started coding i've resented that browsers don't do that more often. i understand why but i'm too used to it now

3 notes · View notes

bedazzlecunt · 9 months

Note

wren!!!! i ordered new sex toys today and i'm so excited!!! i also got a new dildo bc the one i have is from very hard silicon and extremely uncomfy:(( and a bunch of vibes ahhh!!! i'm so excited to try them all out!! btw where do you like to buy toys (esp dildos- i find getting good ones is very difficult and often very expensive)

your truly

your subby bestie <33

OMG HIIII I'M SO HAPPY FOR YOU!!!! buying new sex toys is SUCH joy omg. getting to experiment on yourself a little....WOOHOO CONGRATS BESTIE

okay before i can rec sex toy places i gotta say. a lot of bigger retailers, like adam and eve, sell some stuff that isn't 100% body-safe for all folks (the sex toy industry is super unregulated). i'm not saying don't shop at large places, just be sure you know what everything is made of. i won't get into the nitty gritty of how to tell what's safe or not, it's not my area, but generally speaking a good rule of thumb is not to put anything inside of you that's jelly/rubber/any flavor of 'realistic' mystery meat stuff. if you gotta, a condom over top is good. silicone dildos are my personal favourite material for dildos and insertables, and generally speaking silicon, as well ABS hard plastic and borosilicate glass, are all body-safe and actually possible to sanitize. i'm not saying you can't ever buy from adam and eve or whatever (i have stuff from them i rly love!), just choose carefully.

now, specifically �� i buy most of my toys from indie sex shops in my town, of which there are a lot but i don't think most of them have online presences. i encourage you to try to shop local if any shops like that exist near you! the ppl in em are always so nice

when i am shopping online, the only big retailer i usually opt for is lovehoney, just cos they've never failed me in terms of quality/customer service. but i try to shop at smaller indie places when i can, particularly ones run by women. i like unboundbabes and awakening boutique, and there are also lotsa good shops on etsy! there's this shop called cutecruelty i've not purchased from but which has the CUTEST stuff ever

#Anonymous #wren speaking!#sorry this got so long i cant talk abt sex toy recommendations without yelling abt not putting jelly in ur vagina

5 notes · View notes

cyuutie · 2 years

Text

i’m the most skilled person i know, w an iq wayyyyy above einstein’s. no one can underestimate my unnatural intelligence. i can answer any question effortlessly no matter how hard it is. like damn shi made for adults is hella easy 4 me. presentations? group projects? pfftttt i can do them perfectly, everything comes to me naturally, as if i was alr ready for it. whenev teachers read my work they can’t help but go like “woah” at my writing. i know how to perfectly answer anything asked to me, even if caught off guard. i’ve got a strong n diverse vocab, it jus makes ppl astonished at the way i work w my words. i’m praised for my intelligence. my skl life is perfect. everytime i enter the classroom ppl would jus b walkin up to me tryna talk to me. i have endless nmbrs of friends. everyone wants to b my friend. i’m rly outgoing n social. i can make friends easily wherev i go. i always meet ppl who r my type. i can easily jus walk up to a group of ppl n befriend them easily. i’m so interesting ppl jus want to constantly b w me. i’m the prettiest in my skl, in my city. everyone knows my name. whenev i’m mentioned all ppl can think bout is jus “yo it’s dat hottie” bc duh? what else am i? all the synonyms of “pretty” and “beautiful” define me. i have sm friends outside of skl. whenev i wanna go out there’s constantly a whole lotta ppl tryna hang out w me. i’m invited to the most lit parties, meet the most funnest of ppl. my parents let me go out whenev i wanna. life is so fun. i have the best teenage life evr. i can always defend myself whenev i need to. i’m the best fighter any1’s evr seen tbh. ppl r too scared to start fights w me, but y would they? i’m alr a rly loveable person. i’m fulllll of confidence, i have that lil model walk, my hips sway right to left whenev i walk; a seductive walk. i radiate confidence and beauty. i can seduce any1 i want into whatev i want them to do. i have the best persuasion skills. i love my face, my body, my mind. i’m so happy w myself. i’m grateful to b me. i nvr evr wanna b sum else bc i’m truly the best.

10 notes · View notes

baekhvuns · 1 month

Note

Ok, about my life and..updates.

RMR THE WEDDING?? it happened. I ENJOYED SO SO MUCH but it rlly hits u 'oh she's...leaving' LIKE DAMN but anyways about that. I've just been ig, studying again..i took a yr gap AND THT ENTIRE CHAOS THT HAPPENED LAST YR actually tbh, im glad it happened, i got a chance to think what I really wanted, nd if stuff rn is not good, it's definitely better.

Guess, whatever happens, happens for a reason.

So yehh, the exam is like a few days from now JAJSJSJSJ I'm scared 😭. OMG ALSO BESTIE I GOT A JOB!!! I'm so happy 😭😭 (ps one of them is international 😈) nah cuz the brown relations really fucking worked. Other than that, MAN. ATEEZ AT COACHELLA. Fuck.

Actually tbh, I've been a little disconnected from the entire kpop scene, just once in a while enjoying the songs and new things like Coachella performances but like so many new things happened in kpop and idk what to think 😭 Like ITS SO OVERWHELMING we got the hybe drama, ateez at Coachella, new cb, NCT SMOOTHIE??, bp members got solo...so dam yeah.

Another thing, UR GIRL HAS BEEB *OBSESSED* LIKE *OBSESSED* *OBSESSED* WITH DILJIT. Not like i never was But IT GOT STRONGER 😭nah my man so cool honestly nd all his movies are chefs kiss.

ANDD HOW ARE YOU? HOWS EVERYTHING? HOWS LIFE? I hope you're doing good and well, and ur healthy. I miss you so dam much it's crazy, like the only person rn who cn revive my addiction with kpop is you. No questions asked.

And I just checked the updates, the war is still going on....IM SO MAD BROOO it's..so sad i can't even like show my anger all I can do is stay at home and observe. Sucks to be powerless. I'm praying, still am, and will keep praying for the people of gaza. And they will have peaceful nights once again, Amen.

Alright, i shall take my leave but I'll come back, MISS U SO MUCH POOKIE 🫶🫶💞💞💞MWAH!!

THIS IS ALSO VV LATE I JUST DONT GET NOTIFS DROM HERE ANYMORE FOR WHATEVER REASON 😭😭😭

omg i hope ur outfits slayed! yeah no that part just randomly hits ur frontal lobe and everything just goes 📉,, AAAAAA AND U WERE WORRIED FOR NOTHING IM GLAD IT WORKED OUT FOR YOU!!!

omg i hope u do ur very best!! AAAAAA A JOB??? THATS SK GOOD ITS SO HARD TO FIND THEM IN THIS ECONOMY U BETTER MILK THEM FOR THE CASH, the brown nepotism 😭😭😭

u know what, me too 😭😭 i’ve just grown indifferent to it, i mostly find myself listening to whatever’s been in my playlist for years,, YEAH it is so wild how much stuff happened in the last year 😭😭 NCT SMOOTHIE WHAT WAS THAT. 😭😭

Another thing, UR GIRL HAS BEEB *OBSESSED* LIKE *OBSESSED* *OBSESSED* WITH DILJIT. Not like i never was But IT GOT STRONGER 😭nah my man so cool honestly nd all his movies are chefs kiss.

AAAAAAAAA HE WAS JUST HERE A FEW DAYS AGO,,, would have gone if the damn ticket price wasn’t 400$ each 🧍🏻‍♀️ HE RLY IS SO COOL! his laid back swag is truly amazing

IM GOOD! ROTTING ON MY COUCH <3 life’s been boring, i’ve just been studying lots to get it over with but fortunately i have wedding season in my family so i have that to look forward too! ☺️ JDJDJDJSJD I MISS U TOO AND WRITING IT i briefly get inspo to write but bc im indifferent to kpop it just doesn’t hit but iam a yunho bais now 😭😭 im hoping to do at least something abt the fic or move on and write a different one!

it’s the way they’re using the met gala as a distraction to go all out on rafah, absolutely fucking batshit crazy, your words, truly 💗

Alright, i shall take my leave but I'll come back, MISS U SO MUCH POOKIE 🫶🫶💞💞💞MWAH!!

THANK U FOR POPPING IN!!! I MISSED U I HOPE UR BACK MORE OFTEN!! 💗

#✉️ : ask #[ nothingjustme444 ]

0 notes

livecharliereaction · 2 months

Text

quick thoughts

- I know it might be a mistake later but i BELIEVE beatos tears the va is too good im afraid

- I like u lambdabern nice hidden teaparty Yup its quite a personality reveal on berns part though im sure theyll appear more in answer arcs which makes me happy... truly the cover girls of the series EVERYONES seen those two

- at one point with sakutaro i figured a magic being might be just personifications of objects (think beatrice portrait) but while that may be the case for the red eyed furnitures (stakes plushie ETC chiester sisters some kinda guns or whatever) thats definitely not what witches are

- i almost want to claim witches are born from humans but it seems unlikely case idk??? virgilia. We know how ange as a witch was born same with maria partly and even miss bernkastel!!! i still am willing to believe lambdas somehow born from miss satoko but i wouldnt yet be able to properly explain it out... So a witch is just a human who made some kind of contract with another witch or demon????? girl idk (sure everyone ik shouldve been acknowledged but like i dont know if thats like just a honor thing or a necessity to call someone a witch u know)

- i absolutely understand nothing about beato but thats the big mystery isnt it yup yup

- maria u break my heart forever

- i dont even want to guess battlers sin i have no clue. denying magic??????? girl he wouldve been 12 if i count the timeline right so

- top 3 scenes uhhhh

- HONORARY MENTIONS jessicas test, battlers test, sakutaros birth, ange ordering the stakes to kill her bullies, ange talking to the captain, ange hanging out w maria and the stakes, the first six, battler and beatrice in the rose garden

- anges confrontation on rokkenjima: so nice and even though theyre keeping a lot from me still (i can tell) i feel like i understand parts of magic somewhat now... higurashi flashback for me from the supernaturally dodged bullets and the trampling of the papers and all well what can i say. This ep rly made me like the seven stakes also thats nice esp mammon

- the jailbreak: i like how it was blended w jessica and georges tests but im pointing out the jailbreak crew specifically bcs it was fun Kyrie and krauss work surprisingly well theres a nice air of mutual respect and like kanon n shannon themselves pointed out they never survive past first twilight so seeing them fight together isnt that so awesome i like kanon n shannon.

- anges death after breaking the rule: i dotn know man i love u ange icon of sacrifice and determination and love and will and more ur forever famous to me i feel like shell appear but even if she didnt for a long time i wouldnt forget her thats for sure shes very very ughhhh aah oh ange

- shoutout to beatrice i will understand you someday

#charumi4

0 notes

loverdlx · 6 months

Note

madison!!! happy birthday!!! i can’t believe there’s so many december birthdays in the bitch pack ♐️ strong sagittarius energy 🏹

what has been your favorite birthday memory? no presh tho bc like most teenage girls in their twenties i think i have cried on nearly every birthday in the past 10 years (but hoping no tears for you today!)

ps: i love your plate you made it’s so cute!!!

ahhh THANK YOU THANK YOU BESTIEEEE <333 and i know right?? i'm fully convinced december babies just all find each other and vibe like a birds of a feather flock together type thing..which would make sense since taylor is one of us too 🤭

i can confirm there were no bday tears yesterday!!!!! haha tho i definitely get bday emotions being very overwhelming bc i have def had that before. it's so much pressure put on one day and admittedly i was kinda bummed to see like which friends didn't wish me a happy bday despite seeing my ig stories abt it throughout the day, like esp if they were ppl i do actually see/talk to every now and then or ppl that i always wish a happy bday to. like at the end of the day it's rly not that deep but on the other hand you're kinda like...🤔 BUT i don't mean to sound ungrateful bc i legitimately had such an amazing bday weekend and am SO grateful!!!! i got so many well wishes from friends both irl and online (bitch pack!!!!!! ily all forever) and i truly felt so loved and special 🥹🫶🏼

aside from this year (bc it was honestly just so good and so fun) my other fav memories have been spending my 22nd bday in nyc with a mix of irl and online friends, my hs bff surprising me at the airport when my family came to pick me up the day before my 19th bday, and spending my 24th bday weekend in santa monica with some of my besties! other iconic memories that come to mind is the year my parents (in the ultimate act of betrayal) took a very young child me to get my flu shot ON MY BIRTHDAY??!?!?!? and also the year my younger sister spoiled what my parents were giving me bc she was like 4 and wanted to psychological warfare me i guess 😭

also THANK YOU!!!! my friends and i will be getting back our ceramics we painted later this week and i'm so excited to see how they all turn out after getting the...whatever happens to pottery/ceramics after you finish painting them idk i just know they go into a hot thing and get a shiny glaze finish on them

here's a more close up pic of how my plate turned out 🤓!!!

#we ignore the ink smudges <3 #bpsanta #also sorry my answer turned into a 5 paragraph essay help

0 notes

calyxcurl · 7 months

Text

I am like. rly soaked in misery. and I don't allow myself to process it because I think it'll just breed more misery. so I think I am just always unhealthily stringing myself along in, like, not quite pretending I'm okay but just like acknowledging that happiness is an awfully unrealistic thing to obtain. and. like. idk. being indifferent about what seems so accessible to others but will never be within reach for me is kind of my status quo now.

and like, idk, intellectualizing this like an observational footnote of my life is just another coping mechanism I've been doing for years I think?

I am also like. I crave validation, but not for this. never for this kind of stuff. I don't want to talk about my misery with anyone only to receive some sort of comfort or advice. that's not what I am really looking for. I just ... no, not comfort or advice. but that's what the natural inclination is toward someone who expresses chronic unhappiness, of course, especially if it is a friend. it's why I have started to rly truly isolate myself from most of my irl friend groups. if I express how I am just generally not happy (that I'm more stagnant in something permanently fraught, in displaced security, in sticky defeat) then it'll naturally welcome concern and curiosity and questions but most of all the less desirable reaction to 'help fix' whatever it is that's kept me here with perhaps a tired platitude. and see, I'm a people pleaser, so I will want to assuage people's concerns and curiosity and questions. better to not have any people to please at all. better not to make contact with anyone if I don't have to who will not know how to handle or respond to the seething misery that is too hard to hide sometimes.

I am just dumping thoughts on here. I used to do this a lot when I had a tumblr in the early 2010s, dump thoughts just to help put some sort of order to the tangled mass of my head.

idk. I'm unhappy in a way that I feel like isn't fixable. some things never change: I just want to sleep forever.

#personal vent

1 note · View note

incessantwhine · 1 year

Text

crazy that all i had to do was wait, be consistent & show up for long enough before nearly everyone else showed their true colors. im not happy about it. rly disgusted and disappointed by other ppl, actually. but things are different now.

im more secure in what i have to offer, kind of. at this point it’s just being reliable and not a fucking creep. talk about a long game — 2 years? but hopefully that’s enough time to make it clear that what you see & what i say is…actually what you get. i still have big feelings but that’s just because i care a lot. theres a lot less pining on my end, that’s for sure. it’s challenging at times, because nothing truly great is ever “easy”, but in a healthy way.

the tiny gremlin part of my brain is a little tickled that even though I don’t have the most money, or the greatest availability, i managed to still be someone important. but that’s not at all the point.

i do wish things could be different if only so people stop failing her. it’s abhorrent. i hate to see her upset, or down, or feeling insecure. nothing enrages me more than ppl exploiting vulnerability. and personally extremely irritating because if i were lucky enough to have an opportunity like they did; i wouldn’t waste it by being a disappointment. but I can only control my own actions and all i can do is continue to be a reliable support in my own way.

im going to be collared in april. i think. trying to keep my expectations low & be mindful & sensitive as to why she maybe wouldn’t want to jump into that at this time. but i hope for it ❤️

i do feel fiercely protective of her. i have the urge, even just for a week or two, to have her in her own bubble. where only people she AND I trust are allowed in and she won’t have to worry about anything. anyone else has to answer to me first, a full blown interrogation. where every whim is cared for & need is anticipated. something that protects her peace at any cost. it’s not realistic nor is it the way she wants to live (it would be incredibly isolating i think) but the urge is there.

i know that part of me is not sane or rational. but other people wronging people I care for has been my biggest trigger as long as i can remember and I just have to live with it. it’s white hot rage unlike anything else i experience. i don’t really recognize who I am when I feel that extreme. it goes beyond what is normal, really. but I have a much better grip on it than i used to. i don’t say things to whoever is evoking that feeling anymore because it’s truly my most despicable self. i get very intentionally cruel—all of a sudden i am using whatever knowledge i have of that person against them. every insecurity, personal failing, anything becomes ammo for insults that are so personal and specific. i really set out to harm that person deeply and however I can & it’s gross. but again: I handle it better now. i do wish i didn’t. i would feel better if i could say it all. but that’s for my sake; it doesn’t benefit whoever I’m “protecting”.

anyway. onto the next thing.

1 note · View note