#went and ordered a burger

[iguessitsjustme]

I'm bored so two truths and a lie time - hair edition why the fuck not

Is it strange to do a two truths and a lie about my hair? No idea. I'm gonna do it anyway.

#two truths and a lie #i wanted to do the blandest two truths and a lie ever #like each option is so incredibly boring that it's so hard to figure out what the lie is #but my friend told me that nothing about me is boring #i think their exact words were #that's because yr a weirdo whomst is odd #anyway moving on from that #story time in the tags #earlier today i went to target and i accidentally broke the self checkout machine #just because i requested cash back #that employee was PISSED #not at me but at the machine. you could tell he was sick of the shit always breaking #i said sorry and got mine ass out of there #went and ordered a burger #then called my mom and she bought us tickets to go see an opera #per her brother's orders because i said i'd never seen one and he took that as a personal attack #so now my mom is visiting in a few months so we can go to the opera #she got us reasonably decent seats too #not the best and not the worst

[foldingfittedsheets]

My betrothed handed me a phone and asked if I’d like to call in our order for burgers tonight. I was like, “I haven’t looked at a menu- do you know what you want?”

“I want the classic burger, which is what you want too.”

“I- I might get something different!”

“You always look at the menu and get the same thing. You’ll want it without the onions or tomato, though. And they have tots, so you’ll get those.”

The mortifying ordeal of being known is so real. I feel both cherished and called out.

#ramblies #relationship goals #funny #I went to find the number and saw that they have online ordering #I tried that and bizarrely couldn’t find their burgers and when I verbalized my frustration my betrothed said they couldn’t find them eithe #ffs foibles

[little-pondhead]

DPxDC Prompt:

[this is a long one please forgive me]

Bruce lied to the others about his trip through time. Not all of it! Just…one specific thing.

During the early parts of his timeline hijinks, before Tim realized Bruce was still alive, he had a bit of a respite in between his endless time jumps. (Maybe a certain ghost was helping him out.) With a fuzzy memory at best and a strange itch to investigate the unknown, Bruce had been taken in by an old couple who had no kids but wanted to pass on the family name. And who better than a thirty-something amnesiac stranger who could actually be related by blood?

Bruce, with nowhere to go, accepted his new name, grew out his hair, and quickly got accepted into college for engineering. There, he met two of his closest friends; a redheaded woman who could kick his ass and a wet chicken of a man who could also kick his ass. They both made him nostalgic for something he didn’t remember, and that made him sad sometimes, but the two were always there to cheer him up.

Years passed, and Bruce’s life moved on. He settled well into his new name, mourned his parents when the eventually passed, celebrated his wedding with the redhead, and grieved when the last of their trio fell out of touch. He had a daughter, and then a son! They were both so smart, even if they didn’t share the same passion he had for exploring the science behind the afterlife. (Something about the dead just itched his brain in an infuriating way, and Bruce wasn’t one to let sleeping dogs lie. He just had to find out why he was so obsessed with this stuff!)

Eventually, his and his wife’s research yielded results, and that’s when bits of Bruce’s former life started coming back to him. After the portal opened, he spent his days with his head in a fog, oblivious to the world around him as he struggled to continue his work.

Why did he remember a boy named Dick? Who would name their child that? And Jason…who was Jason? That name always made him sad. There were more names, more faces, but none of them were his. He could never remember what his name was supposed to be. All he had was the one his adoptive parents gave him.

His wife was worried. His daughter was struggling. And his son…his son sometimes hurt to look at. Bruce didn’t know why. He knew he was being a terrible father, but something in him wanted to cry whenever he gazed at those clear blue eyes, just like his own. His son was too smart for his own good, and realized his dad had started avoiding him.

The day his son purposely left the room so Bruce could relax was one that hurt him even now.

Time kept passing, and Bruce was becoming anxious. His brain fog was as bad as its ever been. He had constant headaches, and his hands kept twitching for nonexistent tools on his belt. Something was going to happen. Something had happened. A voice in his head told him it was all his fault.

So in an attempt to clear his head and spend more time with his family, Bruce insisted they all go to dinner at the local diner. His son invited his friends. Even better! More people meant more distractions from his messed-up thoughts. He wouldn’t spiral with the kids around.

And then something exploded.

The last thing Bruce remembered was his son’s (green??) eyes widening in fear and horror as something yanked him violently backwards. He fell farther than expected, through a portal and a green sky full of black stars. A hand tightened on the back of his jumpsuit, hauling his giant body through another portal with a roar of a motorcycle.

And then…and then…and then what?

All of a sudden, Bruce was sprawled in some mud in the middle of a forest, dizzy and coughing from the explosion’s fumes. He’s singed all over, and his ears still rang from the force of the…what happened again?

Bruce sits up, and all of a sudden, he’s in the era of the pilgrims. His memory has been wiped clean, his new name and family forgotten thanks to the hands of time. His adventures through the time stream continue, with him assuming many different identities throughout many different decades.

The memories of being Jack Fenton don’t return to him until he’s back in 2004, once again in his own time and living as Bruce Wayne. A glowing green sticky note informs him that “The Nasty Burger Incident” had just occurred. His “other self” just had his ass dragged to another era, so the time loop would continue.

It also informed him that he had an orphaned son crying for him at Bruce’s own grave.

Well, his forgotten son (that sounded bad, even to him) was supposed to be about fourteen now, right? Bruce hopes he doesn’t have to fight anyone for custody.

#pondhead blurbs #danny phantom #dpxdc #writing prompt #‘Alfred get the Guy’ #‘you haven’t even left the house today’ #‘my dad senses are tingling and I may need to fistfight another billionaire so have the Other Guy on standby as well’ #Bruce becomes Jack Fenton #he went to college and literally built a life for himself at the same time ‘Bruce Wayne’ existed #‘Jack’ just never watched the news #clockwork had to make sure Danny existed so guess what! you’re the son of the bat happy birthday #the nasty burger incident happens but in the two seconds it took to kill everyone #Johnny 13 dragged his ass to another era #he was ordered to by clockwork #I have zero clue how old Bruce was during his timeline shenanigans and idk when it took place either #just work with me on this #please I am begging you #he only got his memories back when the time matches up with Jack Fenton’s ‘death’ #Danny loses his dad and then gets him back in the span of 24 hours but now his dad is a billionaire?? #well he gets to watch Bruce fistfight Vlad for custody and then stop him from killing clockwork #cause how DARE Clockwork just make him FORGET an entire family he had??? #morally grey clockwork #Danny is trying really hard not to become Dan and Bruce is trying really hard to explain this to his other kids #‘no this one is ACTUALLY mine’ #‘yes I know I was a teen in Europe when the wedding would have happened’ #again don’t know the dc timeline just work with me here #please don’t ask me to continue this I will cry #if someone else does I’d be happy to read it though :))

[burgerlabs]

i dont gaf twf anymore but is anyone ever gonna talk about how that one jack walten zine was a total scam

#burger labs.txt #i still havent gotten my money back #twf #the walten files #i ordered like almost two years ago #never came in. never was done #team just went silent #i got a few messages from one of the creators #telling me i could get a refund but um... never happened. #ive been asking for months and months now #Lol.

[bugmistake]

i love my mom ......

#shes in town rn and im hanging out with her #and we went to get burgers and chicken tenders and curly fries and a malt to split #and we were planning to just eat inside but we pulled into the parking spot and i was like god. #i dont think i can hang out in there can we get it to go #and IMMEDIATELY she was like oh okay! do you want to write down your order in my phone and i can go inside and order for us both #and well she's in there right now. and we're gonna go back to her airbnb #and we're gonna watch the tv show we like #and she's gonna help me with my taxes #abd frankly im gonna cry probably. and maybe make her listen to the new chappell roan song

[one-winged-dreams]

Absolutely imagining for my own indulgence that the SOLDIER program includes gender care procedures, and while I didn't meet Angeal until I reached 2nd class, he still has to deal with the T side effects because I'm still in my first couple years.

He's like "If you're hungry just say so, we'll go get something to eat." and I'm gripping my legs so hard I'm gonna have bruises like "It's fine, I'm fine, I ate a couple hours ago. :')"

He forces me to go anyway, and in the time it takes between our food getting to the table and him going to the bathroom to wash his hands I've already finished my order.

#i'm also a naturally fast eater lmao #me and owen went to chilis once and i ordered one of their big ass burgers and finished it before the waiter could come back to check on us #he was like 'damn where'd it go?' and we all laughed about it #anyway yes #t WILL turn you into an actual werewolf #with insatiable hunger for food and... OTHER things #what do angels dream of

[just-jammin]

my brother and i got some MEATS

they were ABSOLUTELY worth their price :DDD

#those bad boys were The Hangover (my brother’s on the left) & Three Lil’ Piggies (mine on the right) #they were DAMN FRICKIN GOOD #like they were more worth it than the BURGER KATSU i had the last time i went here! #10/10 would order again #the meaningful jargon

[landlordevil]

i asked my dad what he was doing at 25 and he told me this beautiful story of him and two buddies ordering one whopper at a burger king, getting a plastic knife and gingerly cutting it into thirds bc it was all the money they had. the burger king employees laughed at them and it is objectively funny but good god man

#what if three men who worked at a warehouse went to a burger king and ordered one (1) whopper

[cinna-bunnie]

can't believe it's only been 30 minutes tops I've easily been sleeping for many hours based on the vivid long dream i was having

#idr who i was with exactly but oomfies was nice enough to wait behind with me for our burger order but we never got some 😩 SAD!!! #i could hear the lady getting so annoyed bc they went to get check on it n was like “oh u mean the burgers u Just ordered a minute ago?” #💀 i was cool w waiting so i just kinda laughed abt it off to the side but i got woken up in the middle of all that #😩 is this a premonition?? 😳 should i get a. bubrgr?

[jonny-b-meowborn]

Got super overstimulated at a burger king cause I've never been to a burger king and so I don't know their menu and how their food tastes like, I always eat at the same places like KFC or McDonald's, and since we're in Germany I don't understand anything. We went to the self checkout, and not only I don't speak the language, the burgers didn't even have their ingredients listed for my dad to translate for me, so I had no idea what is he ordering for us and there was a lot of people and I felt like I'm going to throw up. I went outside to wait there for my dad, and while I was standing there, rocking in place and holding myself, some German lady in a car asked me something, I told her in English that I don't speak German so she asked her teenage kid to talk to me in English, and they asked me if everything's okay, I just told them that I'm fine but got a bit stressed out bc there was a big crowd inside. That was really sweet and calmed me down a bit. Now we're back in the car, and I'm blasting Patty Taxxon in my headphones to calm down and eating Fries cause I still don't know what's in the burgers we got

#for the record my dad didnt like order something i wouldnt like on purpose #he doesnt know burger king food either so he kinda just went with it and got something random for us #but the difference between us is that hes okay with trying new things and surprising himself with the food he orders #im autistic and eating something new makes me nauseous #especially since I couldn't even check what is in the food so its a complete surprise #i dont know if ill even touch the burgers and now i feel bad bc dad bought them all with his money #but just the thought of having to eat something and not knowing what it's exactly made of and how will it taste makes me wanna throw up #they could be the best burgers id ever eat in my life but i cant force myself to try them #even the fries taste different than what im used to and that makes me uncomfortable #shout out to that kid though #they were really nice #bee buzz

[kyuala]

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO i just woke up from a dream where mark was my bf how do i go on living like normal after this 😭😭😭😭

#i think i was like. at some sort of nct nation rehearsal and i was just listening to his parts #anton for some reason came up beside me and was like singing along and i was like omg thats so good!!! u rock!! #then hendery asked me what i was talking about bc from where he was standing he couldnt see anton so i explained it to him #i said anton rocks omg!!!! then he agreed then anton got all shy then we all ordered food (?) #WHICH WAS BURGER KING BUT LIKE ON A MEAL PLATE AND ALSO W WASABI???? anyways #mark discreetly showed up along w some of the other members and while they were all talking he came up to me tryna be all lowkey #but then i made grabby hands and kissy faces at him and he came closer so i could smooch his cheek 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭im gonna kms. #anyways. i kissed his cheek and while we were hugging he whispered smth abt asking a staff to drop me off at his house #or the other way around i cant rmbr it but i got all happy n excited bc i'd be seeing him again later #n we were like. just in a big love bubble it was so cute :( then fucking hendery and anton saw us and were like WHAT ARE Y'ALL TALKING ABOUT #we just giggled and said NOTHING MIND YOUR BUSINESS and then mark gave them his credit card to distract them like 😭😭😭 some rich men r ok #n then he went away and they started fighting over who got the card and what they should buy with it #and hendery was doing a silly dance to make me laugh and try to convince me to be on his side n say anton should give him the card it was SO #CUTEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE THE WHOLE ENTIRE DREAM IT WAS JUST SO CUTE I CANT IM VONNA DIE #screaming crying throwing up etc pls God make this a realityyyy i wanna date mark and have fun w the neos and neo-adjacent 😔 #mari.txt #dreams

[finexbright]

moving to the UK has made me develop an irrational fear of ordering take out

#i simply refuse to order at this point like here you go : #i was craving taco bell after ages and i got back from work at 11:45 p.m and placed an order. like literally they were gonna close in #2 mins. and so i wait and i'm so hungry and i open and it's meat. when i'm a vegetarian and i couldn't even order anything else because #it was already midnight #THEN i ordered taco bell in the afternoon next day and same fucking thing happened #THEN one time i was at work it was a long shift and every one of my supervisors know i'm a vegetarian #so they made sure to tell the guy who was serving food to get me the veg lasagna #and i take my food and go to the backroom and it looks suspicious and luckily my friend was around and i #made him take a bite and he was like yep it's meat #and so because of all of this bullshit instead of ordering take out i went to mcdonald's down the road recently #because i was like absolutely not. and i order a veggie burger. and peep in and check to see it's a green box before heading home #and me and b are sat watching gogglebox and i finish my fries and open this green ass box and lo and fucking behold #it's a meat burger. INSIDE a fucking green box that says veg on it #but i was craving mcdonald's badly so i ordered it online. and guess fuckin what. meat again #i basically stopped ordering food and just physically go out to places to eat #and today it's cold and i'm tired so i ordered food from a mexican place and it took two hours for them to #deliver the food #and it was legit supposed to be veggies beans and rice. and guess fucking what. they put meat in it #i can't even get my money back anymore because i've complained too much but what the fuck honestly #YOU keep sending me meat 😭😭😭😭😭 #i'll just make some quick pasta and call it a day 😔✊ #food mention

[miserye]

never would i have thought in a million years that i would get close enough to my boss that he would ask me to house sit for him

#chatterye #this is not incredibly uncommon in our dpt #i would like to stress this #but for me? insane #i think i was chose via process of elimination because i a. have no life (least likely to party out of everyone) and b. don't talk #which are both good for this endeavor #the way i asked no questions i was just like if you can get me there and back sure #whatever you want bossman idc #it was actually so funny but so awkward because we are the most awk ppl ever #n e ways that what i'm doing tmr and maybe seeing some dogs w someone else but isn't that crazy #that someone would get to know me and then trust me enough to sit in their house for them LMFAOOOOO #i'm lwky excited to see his house because like . that is so weird and foreign to me #i'm actually going to bet that he keeps his shoes on in the house i can feel it in my bones i hope not but i bet you #the fact that he literally went on a small hour long trip w me where i practically did not speak and then #went on to see me ditch him for 30 mins during work to grab coffee w my coworker the next day and still decided to ask me LMFAOOOOO #sorry i'm saying so much this is just so funny and surreal to me #now he has to write me the best rec letter of my life and of his career #you'll def see a nervous live tweeting here tmr while i'm over there #also i had the most fulfilling ubereats order in a while and it made me happy #i will never get ppl who don't enjoy burgers you're not better than the rest of us i promise #also i got their deep fried oreos for free and when i tell you those mfs were gas oh my god

[serethereal]

13, 23 and 26 babe 👀

13. hmm ok so. i’d get a job like a month or two before as a secretary at a major accounting/investing firm and then day of i am wiring a ton of money into an off shore acc

23. not really. i lose things very easily so even when i have smthn i’m wearing i. lose it :(

26. extremely high. like. eat chilli for fun high. i love spicy food so much

send me an ask from this ask game

#literally don’t think i have ever thoguht anything was too spicy. went to this burger place a while ago and their whole thing was this super #spicy burger like it is supposedly so spicy they make you sign a form before you’re allowed to order it and i was so excited but it was like #not that bad even like i don’t even think i cracked open my coke till it was finished #ghost tag #ask game

[jacensolodjo]

me whenever ppl in retail/food service/customer facing roles remember me: the horror of being known also me: but the idea people care enough to notice when you’re there often given how dead inside such roles make you (which I understand cause I too did retail and other customer facing stuff). Tip your staff! 

#текст #old wolf grumps #not for rbing pls ty; like/comment ok #back in GA i had a diner i went to that would bring me my usual burger and fries when I came in #like i didn't even have to order they'd just be like 'usual?' and there it'd be! #it was so fun hitting regular status #now i have a regular tortilleria and a regular boba tea place #I support local as much as I can #my boba tea place isn't very busy when I'm doing my shift at the museum #so I like knowing they're earning something during a dead period #even if i'm just getting a tea lmao

[lewisvinga]

my mistake | lando norris x fem! reader

summary; lando had been chasing after oscar’s friend, y/n for a couple months now. he’s confused on why she keeps dismissing him until he finally got his answer

fc; nailea devora

warnings; cursing

taglist; @namgification

note; requested !

masterlist !

liked by oscarpiastri, landonorris, and others

yourusername: thank u mclaren n oscar for having me 🧡

tagged; oscarpiastri, mclaren

mclaren: always a joy to have you😎🧡

username: pretty girls stan y/n

oscarpiastri: ur annoying

yourusername: god forbid a girl ask for food

oscarpiastri: i kept getting weird stares bc you made me get you 4 plates of food.

yourusername: THE CHICKEN PASTA WAS GOOD🙎‍♀️🙎‍♀️🙎‍♀️🙎‍♀️

username: her friendship w oscar is everything

username: PAPAYAAA

landonorris: you’re forgetting someone 🤔

yourusername: no i don’t think so

landonorris: a handsome brit? 😁

yourusername: oh! lewis😁

landonorris: i meant me…

yourusername: ok !

username: lando😭

Y/N L/N ANSWERS YOUR FAN QUESTIONS!

lando👍

y/n

y/n

y/n🌷

what now lando

lando👍

what happened to u and why’d u distance yourself from f1😁

y/n🌷

none of ur business

lando👍

pleaseeee

aren’t we bffs😁😁😁

y/n🌷

no we are not

you just got my number from osc

lando 👍

well i’m not leaving you alone until you tell me

y/n

y/nnnnnn

answer

answer

answer

pleaseeeeeee🙏

y/n🌷

you really don’t remember?

lando👍

no?

y/n🌷

2019

i was starting to gain a following but nothing like what i have now

and i went to a race and i was so excited to be there and then i saw you

of course i was happy to see you but then when i smiled, you just rolled your eyes at me and looked really annoyed at me

and that hurt , lando

lando👍

shit

y/n i honestly don’t remember

but fuck i’m sorry

y/n🌷

whatever im over it

just sucks when someone you’re a fan of acts annoyed by u xx

but then i met osc and now he’s my friend so now i’m back into this f1 shit

lando👍

y/n seriously i’m so sorry

it was my mistake, i must’ve thought you were someone else

let me make it up to you

y/n🌷

it’s fine lando

past is past but just wanted you to know

lando👍

no i wanna make it up

y/n🌷

i said it’s fine

lando👍

nope!

not until i can make u laugh

at least let me take you out for lunch

y/n🌷

hmmmmm

fine

but i’m gonna order a feast

lando👍

fine by me😁

liked by landonorris, oscarpiastri, and others

yourusername: how does 1 live knowing that u invited someone out for food only to steal their fries ….. #landonorrisisover

tagged; landonorris

landonorris: u got full after 3 bites of your burger

yourusername: wrong it was 4! and it was a very big n filling burger!!

landonorris: omg u finally posted me 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺

yourusername: don’t make me delete this post, lando norris 😒

username: i just know lando is giggling knowing he finally made it to a y/n post

username: did months of lando norizz flirting in her comments actually pay off??

oscarpiastri: wow.

yourusername: omw w fries for u don’t worry pooks

landonorris: worry if i eat them all

oscarpiastri: shut up lando norizz

lilyzneimer: miss u sm🥹🥹

yourusername: i miss u more💔 lmk when ur going to a race 😞

username: y/n gorgeous omg

username: wait who is that???

username: f1 driver and teammates w y/n friend oscar!

liked by yourusername, carlossainz55, and others

lando.jpg: the gf chronicles

tagged; yourusername

yourusername: fuck u and those stupid burgers and ur stupid jokes and ur stupid cute smile and the latte u bought me

lando.jpg: don’t worry guys she just hasn’t had her afternoon nap yet

yourusername: i’m so tired 😞😞

yourusername: bf🔥

lando.jpg: gf🔥

username: oh hello

username: wHEN DID THIS HAPPEN?

username: she’s scute i love her sm

username: idk who i want more him or her

carlossainz55: about time ! i didn’t know how many more calls of you talking about y/n i could handle!😂😂

yourusername: awh he talks abt me??

lando.jpg: not you exposing me, carlos 😒

oscarpiastri: fuck you you left me with half of my fries that time

lando.jpg: they were good sorry not sorry

yourusername: bro he’s such a fries stealer, i can’t ever eat my fries in peace

lando.jpg: tomato tomato

#formula one x reader #f1 x reader #f1 smau #f1 scenario #formula one scenarios #f1 imagine #formula one imagines #formula one imagine #f1 scenarios #formula one social media au #lando norris smau #lando norris x y/n #lando norris x reader #lando norris imagine #lando norris scenarios