#well. im crazy now. what can i say

[wish-spinner]

he seizes me fast, for sorely / the erl-king has hurt me at last

#subaru sumeragi #well. im crazy now. what can i say #tokyo babylon #x 1999 #clamp #blood #my art

[lululeighsworld]

THEY DEVASTATINGLY WALLOPED ME FOR THESE BRIEF FEW SECONDS

#leigh's magneto hours #THERE'S SO MUCH TO UNPACK HERE. ESPECIALLY THE ALMOST TOUCHING FOREHEADS BIT. #magneto's 'my path is too littered with error' #;WWWWWWW; #and rogue's 'you have to earn people's trust' #LIKE!!!!! AND THEN HE DIRECTLY GOES FOR THE 'ooooo i feared you'd do your best to avoid being alone with me.' WITH THE HAND GRAB!!!! #YOU FEARED???? YOU FEARED?!?! FEARED FOR WHAT. OLD MAN WHAT ARE YOU SAYING #AND THEN HE GOES TO TRY AND TAKE OFF THE GLOVE. AS IF WE DIDN'T JUST ADDRESS TRUST #dnvjdxbvjhdbvhdx. this man. i swear. you are giving me signals that you want to be more open and then YET YOU BRING UP OLD BAGGAGE #he's like 'oh i just got rejected. well now time to deflect.' LIKE AAAAAAAAA #this moment coupled with the moment at the end is making me crazy #sorry to my followers who never expected me to be into xmen???? im here now. im so ill with it. #i can probably assure there will be more rogneto on this blog here in the future. this is your warning #i just feel like ive been fucking SPOON FED oh my god. crossing my fingers we get more messy feelings between them.

[skunkes]

#prefacing this with I Know Spanish. i cant not know spanish‚ my parents don't speak english #but im the only one of my siblings that didnt get to go to school over there 🇲🇽 (just pre school) #adn the thing is like. my siblings wld talk to me in eng of course #(if they talked to me at all! what do u say to a baby when you're 9 12 and 15 yrs older.) #and my parents wld similarly jst not talk to me? i did not have conversations with them from birth to now lol. #thjere is something about how like. my sisters kids are also learning the languages at the same time #but when they mess up in spanish theyre corrected‚ by my sister (their mom)‚ my other sister‚ my parents #why not Me. why wasnt that extended to Me as a child... #the same reason I have the least amount of baby pictures while my siblings all have one full book each i bet #the same reason why my and my eldest sister are 15 yrs apart LOL #igts so crazy to me. i hate mentioning this bc people assume #im one of those ppl who isnt fluent bc their parents speak english and spanish and never taught them #my parents dont speak english❗❗❗❗ #my nephew thats older than me who is my fave family member and also only speaks spanish #is coming up on sunday idk that i can fully carry convo with him! #pure spanglish bc i didnt grow up having convos in it writing it reading it #thats why im so desperate to read books in spanish now. im so deeply ashamed #igts so crazy. i hate it. #saw a comment on smthng the other day thats like ''idk how u can have parents that only speak spanish and not know it lol'' #well can you take a guess. can u take a guess as to how that would happen via interactions. lack thereof. #idk why but its even more embarrassing this way. genuinely how cld u not know...? #its like i was born to feel isolated from my family in every single way...youngest by so many years #the language thing. the Hates Eating thing. the trans thing. most severe failure to launch #im so embarrassed to be alive....! #and i dont belong anywhere. and i am Alone wherever I am. #abandoned by direct and distant relatives. ancestors.

[thedrotter]

I have a gift for y'all today !!! 😊 Ever wanted to find a line in Re:Kinder in a single place for the sake of reference?? How about multiple chunks of lines. how about all the little variations that arise in the text with it's many endings, item descriptions, text that comes from interacting with the enviroment, and character info from the menu without having to boot up the game and go through it at long minutes!!???

well i sure did😊 Since I do a lot of fanart and think up my own silly theories and thoughts that need me to reference the game lines a lot, i have made a transcript for it for convenience's sake. A weirdly thorough transcript handwritten and proofread by me including all character lines available in-game. And I'm sharing it with you all today for anyone that wants it !!! :3 To use as a reference for creative fanworks or a quick search for a line in-game, whatever you wish to use it for!!

It uses the english translation of the game by vgperson. So naturally all credit for the game lines available in here is to her and Parun who made the game.

I did my best to organize it in a way easy to digest. Do note that I'm still human, and there's still the chance for mistake in it no matter how much I've proofread it, since I'm not even an english native speaker ^^. But I hope it serves you well nonetheless if you wish to use it.

That's my gift for today!!! Not the usual art, but still a project I'm proud of. Enjoy!!! 😊

#re:kinder #rekinder #not art #now goofy commentary for those who read my tags #i may have spent at the very minimum around 35 hours on it 😁 because thats what my pomodoro timer got to count in sum #but then again i spent more time without timing it as well so. we'll never know how many hours in total I've put into this #no regrets it was fun because shocking fact of all i enjoy this game🫣 (/s) #you could say but michael there are long playthroughs available on YouTube #couldnt you reference that instead of making a transcript #to that i say... they don't play the game like i do im picky as hell they dont show me every nook and cranny possible #and also i dont like scrubbing through those i thought just pressing ctrlF on a script would be easier. AND IT IS JAJSJSJSJSJS #but thats personal preference all in all #and im used to using transcripts for fanworks coming from earthbound. like there's one for the main game dialogue online and i love it a lot #for this game to not have any felt like some sort of crime considering how cool the story and the lines it has are #its also plenty useful for a game you're writing the spanish wiki for #yes i am doing that apparently my hobby became community work since i got into this game #gotta put that free time before turning 18 and getting a job onto something why not make resources just because i can #anyway fun fact while proofreading i noticed that everytime yuuichi was on scene there was a typo because i got too excited or emotional #either i was laughing because of how evil he is or i was getting unreasonably angry at the treatment he recieved in the past #in section 9 which is true end confrontation i was doing mistakes left and right until the fabled princess line scene #there i was bawling like a baby but THE ERRORS STOPPED ABRUPTLY LIKE I WAS FIGHTING FOR MY LIFE ALL UNTIL THE SCENE ENDED #THEN THERE WERE A BUTLOAD OF MISTAKES ITS INCREDIBLY FUNNY😭 i was fighting for my life holding in all those typos because i couldnt see #so this transcript was made with a lot of emotion laugh and tears and now you know #now i can get bagk to drawing this is the thing i mentioned i was doing fot a while #content feeding schedule crazy rn

[hecksupremechips]

Girl like. The reason he said "this is how it should be" and faced death with a smile....is cuz he wanted to die. For 2 years he sat there thinking he was worthless and deserved to die. If he hadn’t be shot, his death would’ve been suicide, he was fully planning to die in a gutter somewhere undetected. When saying "this is how it should be" hes literally saying "don’t cry because I’m dying, my death is a good thing actually because I fucking suck and you are better off without me". I don’t think that’s badass even slightly, it’s actually really sad and really shitty. Shinjiro is so convinced that he deserves to die and hates the idea of anyone giving a shit about him because he literally can’t wrap his mind around the idea that he will be missed when he’s gone, that his death is a bad thing actually. And his last words were meant to be comforting because he fully did not intend for anyone to be there when he died, he intended to die alone, so he says them as a reminder that he’s not worth crying over

Personally, if it were me, if I was holding my dying best friend in my arms who was deeply depressed and suicidal and he said "this is how it should be" uh. I wouldn’t admire him for it??? Like am I losing my mind when I say the way this game handles Shinji is bad or is anyone else seeing this too 😰

#its like okay listen i understand the basic math of any persona game they say things and everything they say is actually #very bad when you think about it for more than 3 seconds #like what theyre intending to do with the death of this character is be like oh no your sad friend dies tragically thats so saddddd #but that doesnt mean you cant live a wonderful life full of meaning you cant let grief consume you life is beautiful awagga #and i guess shinji is a specific character whos used cuz i guess its more tragic that he never realized he was worthy of life and shit #and i guess its also like ‘dont be like this guy who let grief consume him and then died you gotta Be Different’ #which i dont. love. that last part cuz if you think about shinji and what led him down this road #its like. of course hes depressed! he accidentally killed a woman with a child when he was 16! #he himself is an orphan and he just made some other kid an orphan as well and it happened cuz his persona went out of control #which very much can translate to ‘this must mean im dangerous and can hurt everyone if im not kept under control’ #so of course he isolated himself and believed he was evil and became suicidal like who wouldnt feel that way #like am i supposed to be mad he left sees and took drugs cuz uh while i dont think isolation or Evil Drug is good for his mental health #i dont think him continuing to fight in sees is something he can just easily do again given how he killed someone like he shouldnt have to #be a part of this thing anymore like how would he even safely get castor to not do that??? he cant kill more people on accident! #so yeah like using shinji as an example of bad coping mechanisms is already just. a big fucking oof to me like it just feels like the game #is saying he shouldve gotten over it and simply not be suicidal and stayed on the team. idk if thats the intent but uh it wouldnt faze me #cuz persona games are notoriously awful at writing characters who are traumatized and abused #but what makes everything even worse is how the game kinda like. acts like shinjis death is a stepping stone #like we’re supposed to use it as a wake up call and understand the stakes but keep going on anyways #and akihiko and Ken get. ‘great character development’ according to the game telling you they have now developed #but damn all akihiko is is just repressed he cries for 3 seconds and then is like I SHOULD MAN UP and then neglects a depressed child #shinjis dying words are words to live by now even though they piss me the fuck off like girl am i crazy HES FUCKING #HES TELLING ME NOT TO CRY OVER HIM BECAUSE HE SHOULD BE DEAD ACTUALLY AND THIS IS A GOOD THING ACTUALLY #like if the game wants us to still find meaning in life despite losing someone it just really hurts that shinji has to die for that to work #apparently. cuz the character i see myself in is shinji. not some perfect prettyboy who does everything perfectly and has 4 gfs #his death seems like a punishment for bad behavior. the bad behavior being of course depression and drug use. and im simply supposed to be #better than that if i want to live. and we dont get to form a connection with him cuz thats gayyyyy #and his death is like a NOBLE HEROIC SACRIFICE idk its just such bullshit to me i hate it so bad #how is killing a suicidal guy and then treating it as admirable that he said ‘this is how it should be’ supposed to make me feel #makes me feel sick personally and it ruins the entire game’s theme to me because its fucking shallow and the story is bad and im tired

[vaugarde]

seen both episodes of horizons now and holy fuck

#i was so used to being bored w jn tbh but this series already has me really hooked??? #liko is a really well realized character and no scene feels wasted everything feels carefully set up #the tone is also so good like liko and am’s silent conversation when he finds her hiding on the ship??????? #it was SO good and i like what theyre setting up with the new pokemon and i love the airship setting #i was nervous when eve told me it was another ‘’travel the world hub’’ deal but unlike jn #theres like an even spread of pokemon from other regions #and not only that but pokemon that havent gotten too much love in general like alolan muk snorunt and carkoal #speaking of which THIS WAS CARKOALS FIRST APPEARANCE??? #its also still being good w all of the starters too like so far fuecoco’s been the latest to show up #and it still has adequate screentime and personality to it #literally the only thing im hmmm abt is more charizard favoritism but like. i can forgive it with how even everything is #and i love that pikachu is their boss AND IT HAS VOLT TACKLE. BABYGIRL I MISSED YOU #what i was also worried abt was that theyd try to make it as close to ash and pikachus journey as possible #like same dynamic same setup same pikachu character (not really but same personality) #but no!! its all totally shaken up and the stuff that DOES evoke the original is still clever #and stands on its own!! like oh my god i cannot say enough how pleasantly surprised i am with horizons #i wasn’t pessimistic but i was like ‘’ill like it bc its pokemon regardless but wont be going crazy over it’’ #but im like. SO anxious for the next episode now bc SPRIG :( #but like oh my god it all stands out. the character design the characters themselves the pokemon the animation the artstyle the music #the story the tone the setup like EVERYTHING is so good here #echoed voice

[strwbrymlkshake]

Why can't I be satisfied with everything? It needs to be perfect to me and I can't accept anything otherwise :(

#mine #oh boy here we go. guy last post was about has been pretty cool and i got flustered around him a few times #but i feel bad bc. i need m o r e he isnt insane enough he isnt making me go absolutely crazy i want to be satisfied but im NOT im sorry #like its quite honestly the most attention acceptance etc ive gotten but its not ENOUGH he doesnt die whenever i send a selfie #im never satisfied WHY i have unrealistic expectations !!!! i hate my brain killing and violence and death etc #i get crushes on guys who want nothing to do with me but then when one actually wants me its not enough? what is wrong with me #thrill of the chase? i cant accept being loved? what is it brain. christ almighty. im not doing anything like deliberately yandere related #anymore im just being generally incomprehensibly mentally ill 🙄 still trying to find a therapist but idk how on earth ill explain that #ill update this post tomorrow with more insanity but for now i am the sleepy tired #// ok its now 3 days later i dont feel like making another post. i think i was just having a mental illness moment as always #because he does make me insane. hashtag girl. im trying to be the smartest and calculated i have ever been with a relationship in my life #like im thinkin about it so hard bro. the future n shit. how would this relationship go. im so scared ill do something wrong its preventing #me from doing things RIGHT. im sad becaude i flipped out today over even imagining him being upset with me a little #so i was really embarrassed and it put me in a weird mood for the rest of the night but he reassured me he doesnt hate me or want me to die #every one aaalways says theyre different. i can only hope this one is telling the truth. i dont know what ill do if he isnt. #well i need to stop whining about fictional scenarios and focus on the good stuff in reality. i get along with him very well and he #is very niceys to me :3 he doesnt think im fucking insane or stupid for overreacting. i feel very comfortable gossiping and talking w him #every long time blog viewer of mine reading this like ah shit here we go again #but thats what im here for. i guess. just have to keep doing this shit until something good finally happens to me romantically hngh #i feel so strange because i have wanted and yearned for a relationship but now that i actually could have one im like WAIT #I DIDNT THINK ID GET THIS FAR 💀💀💀 bruh. and he doesnt even think im stupid hes respectful to me he checks in on me all the time #like perhaps the only person to ever actually almost match my energy in a romantic sense. there was [redacted] i guess but he didnt love me #he listens to me talk about my problems he doesnt think i complain or overreact too much. all the ridiculous cringe shit i do #he doesnt mind it. its nice to be able to be myself. and im really proud of myself for not rushing into a relationship right away

[infizero]

currently having a hamilton moment .

#relistened to the full soundtrack. rewatched the proshot (not on D+ dw). im ill #yes its problematic dw I KNOW I KNOW. but it is my problematic fav and i will not lie to you and say i dont love this shit to my core #this shit makes me fucking batshit insane it is srsly a fucking masterpiece #dont get me started or i will talk about it for 5 trillion years. the fucking DETAILS MAN. IN EVERYTHING #THE MOTIFS IN THE MUSIC. THE VISUALS AND CHOREOGRAPHY AND BLOCKING. THE STORYTELLING #i cannot name a single other piece of media that is SO fucking cohesive in how everything relates to everything and everything #always comes back but changes in little ways and its all so circular and. GAHHHHHHHHHH im seriously goingto lose it #i feel like i notice something new every time its crazy. how did i never realize the emphasis on ''time'' when the full cast sings it in #the very beginning lined up directly parallels how they put emphasis on ''time'' in who lives who dies who tells your story #and dont get me fucking started on burr. oh my god. i could talk for YEARSSSSSS about his character and how well written he is and how #he and hamilton parallel each other and how their duel looms over the entire musical like its an unescapable prophecy. #''we keep meeting'' EVERYONE DIE RIGHT NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! #anyways. sorry. i need to be put down. bye #serena.txt #also i can still remember the exact time phillip's heart stops in stay alive reprise despite it having been like 2 years #<- what does this say about society.

[bylertruther]

do u ever think about the fact that when mike is hurting he goes and hugs his mom but he doesn't tell her anything. just seeks physical comfort to make up for the lack of closeness bc it's infinitely safer that way and makes them feel close enough to him tht they won't ask questions. and then when ur done thinking about that do you ever then think about the fact that, judging by what we've seen on the show only, mike and el don't ever talk. they spent most of their relationship just making out in her room and annoying hop. and when mike Did have an issue (s3 when hop threatens him) instead of talking to el about it he lies n seeks help from lucas instead. and when he does try to talk to her in the store later on he just can't do it. he can't get his words out and when he does he's just being the most confusing person ever by skirting around it and therefore not actually saying anything at all before the conversation is unceremoniously dropped and forgotten entirely. and then when they do finally talk for real in s4 it's the same thing but worse. el opens up and continues the conversation HE started but he just shuts down once it gets real and honest and about HIM. he doesn't tell her how he feels and can't understand how she feels and doesn't take any accountability for the things he's done either. just deflects, deflects, deflects until they're no longer talking about him. do u ever think about how mike copes by seeking physical comfort so that he doesn't have to talk about how he feels or what he's going through. AND THEN do u ever consider the fact tht when it comes to the person he does actually love in that way he's unashamedly more than willing to talk n be honest about how he feels and what he's done without even being prompted to, but he can't handle actually touching him anymore. because then it's too much. it's too real, too close. it's too much to let himself be known and seen and touched all by the same person. it's too much for will to give and want to give him the same love and attention mike's been giving him since the beginning. to be whole and true with someone else and still found worthy. to be held so intimately and truly. he can comfort and bring himself to put a hand on will when he needs it most, but to have that want and love reciprocated in earnest and what that would mean for him is just too much. do u ever think abt tht or am i the only one going crazy about this aha x 🥲

#mine #mike #byler #mike makes me feel fucking insane like will is my baby boy my heart n soul my pride n joy #BUT MIKE? GRRRRRRRRR HE MAKES ME FEEL FUCKING FERAL FOR REAL FOR REAL #people think that will hides but will lives his life out in the open #he isn't afraid to love and be loved #he knows and has suffered the consequences but he does it anyway #but mike.. mike hides and hides and hides #he hides in plain sight! he hides so well that no one even knows he's hiding! #and while will may notice some things (like how he knows wht mike is feeling or thinking without him having to say it) #he still doesn't manage to see the whole picture n what it is tht mike keeps behind the curtain #bc mike is just too fucking good at it #he grew up in a home where no one says what they feel or what they think #he grew up in a home where the one that breaks the silence is the one that's punished #im putting him under a microscope im putting him in an mri machine im putting him in a jar and shaking it #i just. michael wheeler u crazy bitch..... i lov u so bad u fascinating specimen u #he used to be able to put his arm around will n drag him around n now he can jus barely touch his shoulder #will tries to hug him n he initially goes to do it back before he reels it in bc it's too much. theyre not kids anymore n it took living #without will there for him to realize wht that really meant #i jus. GOD!!!!!!

[pepprs]

idk how to reconcile my new self with my old self. also i fucking hate waiting. GRAGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

#delete later #im getting a taste of my own medicine bc when im overwhelmed depressed etc i don’t even open emails or dms or whatever and then ifeel guilty #and let them build up and run away from them and literally do not reply for years. but ive been waiting for like 5 different but related #replies for 3ish days at this point and im soooooo impatient omg i want to bash my head into the wall.. and afaik no one i messaged has #opened the message despite being active online elsewhere which is EXACTLY what i do so i have no right to complain at all. but still. omggg #i just have a simple question (me and the ps5 voice) reply to my message boy #purrs #also.. ok yeah im gonna be honest about it even if there are consequences lol. idk why im on such a mission to get back all my old #characters but if i don’t i can and will go crazy. i don’t even do that kind of thing anymore and d*viantart is an irreversibly warped #landscape due in part to capitalism and in part to own mistakes and selfish actions. and i truly feel like my tumblr mutuals are the only #ones who understand me and feel safe and cozy on here. but i miss my old internet home. and i really miss my old internet friends and seeing #all the jokes we had and how we were all like interconnected w the same adopt groups and stuff and now we don’t even talk… it makes me so #sad and i feel weird messaging them just for the purpose of asking if they can give me back characters i gave them 4 years ago like a) you j #just don’t do that kind of thing i don’t think but b) it feels so transactional and would make the part of saying hey our friendship was #important to me when i was a teenager and even though we don’t talk anymore i think of you fondly and wish you well. like lollllll. and i #feel cringe even tracking them down / messaging them bc we are all jn our 20s now… embarrassing. but i am so mad at myself for letting those #friendships wither (not that i have the spoons to sustain them these days anyway but still) and for not keeping bettr track of my characters #when i sold them and for giving them up in the first place and for letting my old internet life just fall apart due to neglect bc it puts me #in a bind to try to piece it together again no matter how i try it and i shouldn’t try anyway. but i am so tempted to rn. lol #* itd make saying stuff abt appreciating friendship weird bc there’s a transaction tied in (source: i did this and feel weird and bad) #like the way i want to SCREAM seeing that dA ate all of the journals i made when i was a 14 year old and turned them into glitched polls. th #the way the wayback machine has terrible unreliable records of everything and i can never get some stuff back / track some stuff down. pain #anyways it’s stupid bc i feel cozy and listened to and as connected as i have the energy to be to all of u guys so why am i doing this. but #i miss the dA stuff too and i wish it wasn’t cringe and i wish i could have everything that’s ever been part of me all in one place. lol #also this doesn’t even take into account my poetry community on dA on my other account who i also felt so safe and cozy with and i abandoned #that too and lost touch with basically everyone even though we all knew each others deepest secrets for years.. the heartsickness of it all #anyways mutuals who knew me on deviantart i am clutching both your hands with impassioned urgency and kissing u on the cheeks. that’s all

[seokwoosmole]

May the heavens forever bless Thea from Barnes & Noble her name's not Thea but to protect her privacy and to protect my identity if she somehow happens to see this her name will be Thea for going above and beyond to secure a Hongjoong version of the new ATEEZ digipacks. May your faves never disband and may you always pull your biases' photocards.

#I have such phonecall anxiety but I toughed it out for ateez #I called 5 maybe 6 different barnes & nobles one of them twice on accident #dude on the phone was probably like #ok can this crazy kpop stan stop calling #THAT was embarassing #then I finally called my destined location #this dude picked up and had no idea what I was talking about but looked it up anyway #and when he said it was in stock I was like but its the digipack version not the regular album right? #homie was like ohhh ok now I see that one with this man with a black sweater and blue hair #and im like oh no #pics of these were soooo hard to find and I was like ok the only member w/ sorta blue hair rn is Mingi so is it Mingi? #homeboy didnt know cuz names aren't on the album nor on the website apparently and after a long while he was like ok #my coworker next to me is rapidly typing away imma hand u off to her since she knows a lot more about this stuff #she was brilliant not an atiny but definitely a kpop stan who was scrolling thru twitter with me on the phone to find out which member #she was like 90% sure it was Hongjoong but I was like wait but the cruella hair?? why are y'all saying it's blue #then she pulled some real queen shit & was like ok imma text u a pic of the album & lemme know if its who u want & what do u know #it was Hongjoong after all & his hair looked blue cuz of the weird lighting of the photoshoot & homegirl was able to put it on hold for me #hate to give this story a sad ending but her efforts were alas in vain as the next day my whole family & likely I as well have covid😐 #soooo I will not be able to pick up that digipack nor can they ship it to me but thank u Thea for ur hard work it will never be forgotten😭 #ateez #hongjoong #barnes & noble #personal

[lyekisses]

i’m being sooooo strong and sooooo brave and not snapping on anyone today 🙏🏻

#PEACE AND LOVE!!!!!! PEACE AND LOVE #like ok work was annoying and long. what else is new #everything felt like it was going wrong and everyone was driving me crazy but it ended okay ig #then i came home and my mom is acting neurotic and insane and like vacuuming at 9:30 pm. like can we do this idk. #not right now 😭 #also im just annoyed like i don’t want to turn into a villain for asking for money BUT MY FRIEND OWES ME MONEY #like every time we do anything she has like 6 dollars in her account which. ok whatever times is hard #but she always insistsssss she’s paying me back and like 40% of the time she does!!! #so i guess i can’t say she NEVER does #but girl. the other 60% #and i don’t want to be that annoying person who’s upset over 30 dollars like it’s not about the 30 dollars #it’s that she SAYS she’s going to but she rarely does 😭 AND THEN BUYS HERSELF NEW SHIT like girl ik you didn’t need an ipad 😭 #well. maybe i’m a bitch!!!! #idk im just in a bad mood LOL ok rant over #i don’t even feel better but rant over <3

[milf-harrington]

I like fully forgot I only got 4 hours of sleep last night until a few minutes ago when my brain started making up utter nonsense

#i woke up at like 8-ish in the morning #then we went on a 3-4hr road trip down to the town i lived in when i was a baby/toddler #went to a cool steam punk museum and the brewery for lunch and tHEN WE SAW SEALS!!!!!! #and my cousin showed me my grandmas old house and then my dads old house and it was so crazy to have this whole history i dont remember #and then we drove BACK and by the time we got back it was 7-8ish and then we hung out and watched silly documentaries #and then video called my sister in the shed #and now it is nearly 12:30am #my brain is starting to- uh- oh fuck me i cant even remember what im trying to say #MALFUNCTION #my brain is stsrting to malfunction so im gonna read and go to bed #but i had. an insanely good day today #i just love being here so much its like i can breathe #its like- you know that feeling of wanting to go home even when youre in your house? #well i finally feel like ive found home #i dont think i'll make it to our marae this visit but i think that experience would take me out at the knees #aotearoa trip 2022 #captain speaks

[mrfoox]

Uh, I got asked to 'rank' my life/how I feel about it and I... Am suprised I gave it an 7/10 without much thought. I'm one who usually rank anything like that 4/10 at best

#miranda talking shit #The biggest thing i dont have that i want is love/a partner... Other than that... Im actually pretty ... Glad? #But thats the biggest thing i can think of that i WANT that i dont have.... #Otherwise im like actually... Lifes pretty... Dare i say it....good? #Its crazy tbh like i obviously cant say how much is my medication working and whats actually me but... #Overall like everything around me feels lighter. Less life ending. More manageable. Small things don't ruin an entire week for me #Its been a few months now but im still shocked by it.my mind have never been this .. #Okay? Or well actually good. Ive had medication that made me 'okay' bc they made me numb. #Thid one is like.... Oh.... Im feeling happiness a bit more. I can see things from an more positive perspective bc of that? #Its kinda sad to say that ive never felt this way before but yes. Ive not been this stable... Good/happy #Not like everything is perfect and all is a beautiful dream but... Yeah. I actually feel im not lying when someone ask how im doing #And i say im good or okay. And its such an.... Wild thing. Miranda at 15 who tried sucide never thought this was something i could feel #I mean ive tried ...8+ antidepressants since i was 16 but i thought the best they'd be able to do is make me numb #But here i am? Feeling? Still being emotional ? Still being me... But lighter

[penisliker-moved]

we havent even hsd that many rooms recently but today and yesterday ive been lagging sm andnit makes me feel like a bad person

#whixh is so dumbb bc its only like..by 30 minutes. but im like Well i deserve tk burn in hell.fkr this #thats 30 kinutes i couldve been like. at home yk.. #hopefully i pickit up tmrw.. i think today it ws bc i found a new video essay channel thag covers rly jnteresting tooics so i ws invested #so #i need t start #whattvthebfuck since when can i do that. what #i can like. before i stat a tag i can oress enter snd go down thats fuckingncrazy whatttt. look #t #hats crazy. anyways #i need t start preparing my uhmm. videks to listen to ahead of time.. i rly wish i could find a digital upload of th series of unfortunate #events audiobook i like sobssss.th first 2 are on yt but none of the resr i dont think #and ik i could just listen ro a different version bc they Have djfferent versions on yt #but :(( #idk #ig.i cn pray that i dont have t go in tmrwww. maybe therell be too few rooms smiles. i doubt it. but smiles #if she does th thing where shes like Omg too few rooms yiu dont havta come in ^-^ but you have to come in tmrw instead 😈im just gonna say #that i cant JDNFNF. ik thats reasonable of her i get kt but naurrrrr #idk.. lets all lrayy i surpose. #Lso today she didnt have us do deepcleans smiles..hopefullyyyy she keeps not making us do them #bc i hate deepcleaning..well notso much now #basicslly i thot it ws 30min for a normal room.40 for a deep clean #but apparently its an ENTIRE hour for a deepclean #HUGEEE if true. i ws rushing myself rly bsdly and doing a shit job in my deepclean rooms tbh #so knowing that i ummm actually have an extra 30 minutes unstead of an extra 10.. super helpful

[airbenderedacted]

I love you too!!! /p For the record I also listen to will wood I’m just not a superfan and I haven’t listened to the album because I didn’t have the energy to listen to new music yesterday,,, But anyways yes idk I just remember you talking about listening to will wood a while ago and you were like “I’m a gay little spinel kinnie of course I do” so maybe I had those words subconsciously in my mind… but in any case I . I just wanted to tell you everything will be okay . Because I know you have been sad in the past :( . And being a spinel kinnie if it’s for trauma is inherently sad HASHJSNAD. Anyways goodnight or good morning depending on when you see this. Rest well buddy💗💗💗

"I'M A GAY LITTLE SPINEL KINNIE OF COURSE I DO"

#IMN SIRRY YSYHGS BJNMS IM SORRY I READ THAT PART AND IT SENTM #JKSDFHGVSD NM E SO BAD I LIKE/ . #i think ym whole brain exploded just the inherit humor of that is GODLY im scvreaming #idk what it was i SAID but you remembering it like that is killing me it's jkllk BGHVDFJMK #HELPa #crying that made me completely unable to read the rest of ur ask for like. the past IDK mins straight hjsefhjskjs #BUT ANYWASY UM! okay yeah no i've been doing really well like emotionally and healthily and academically these past few months!!! #i think it so very WILL be okay YEAH!!!! 😄 <3333 that's really nice of you to wanna send me ty <333333 #(bc god yeah i was . fucked up SO BAD the beginning of the year. and also for a decent while prior to that. The Foreshadowing to the hrtgh) #(BUT IT'S FINALLY ENDEEEEDDDD YEYAGHDHAAHHHH and it better stay that way god (it probably will lol i've fixed like. a Lot of Thimngs👍💖)) #Also. to that last spinel kinnie mention: HELP? #DWNMBDNBSNM OKAY ICAN SAY RIGHT NOW THAT THE KINNIE THING IS NOT BECAUE OF TRAUMA or at least i dont think i can say that #that fyucked up lil wad of pink bubble gum of a gem is just Literally Me and it's insane and yah :) #genuinely. very genuinely. movie premiere bringing her into existence was like having a mirror held up to my mind's eye. crazy #both in aesthetic and being ridiculously relatable on so many fronts both to past and present instances of myself like wtfff #(minus her wanting to hurt innocents during her stupid fucked up and evil phase - that was NOt a mood 😰 girl wtf the fuc) #WHY DID SHE HAVE LIKJE ALL OF MY MANNERISMS AT THE TIME. HER STUPID LITTLE WALK. THAT WAS 2019 ME HELPP #okay anyway done screaming abt being a kinnie ty for the ask and being so sweet and fun to talk to !!! 👋😄😊 <333 #fr!!!!!! ♡