#well that album cycle was ruined

[vampiressmoney]

Happy 1 yr anniversary of having your hero worship torched, if you celebrate.

#answered prayers #well that album cycle was ruined #lolz

[3terna15unshin3]

Would you ever consider writing about Matty & Este finding out their pregnant/having a baby?? Would love to read it if you’d be up for writing it!

hiiii thank u for the request, this will just be a rambly run on idea type of blurb!! fun fact - at the beginning of all this i had my heart set on them not having a baby bc este is me and i have never ever wanted kids and honestly don’t even like them very much (lol) … but it’s clearly something important to matty irl so after getting some requests (and also loving like the domestic and fluffy and sensitive ideas that it would bring on) i have reconsidered to satisfy the people🫡🫡🫡

so many authors on here write dad matty very well tho and much better than i ever could, like @yourtouchismidas’s Ruins universe / @toomuchracket's flatmate!matty dad and d word blurbs / @ughgoaway’s teacher au 💌💌💌 and so many more!!!!! i also have a pregnancy scare blurb here if u want to read that too! i hope u enjoy 🌟

tbsg masterlist // more blurbs

it happens after they get married and i think it wouldn’t necessarily be an accident, like este would pose the idea of her going off her contraceptive pill instead of switching to a different one (after her hormones start to have a bit of a hay day) and matty's up for it too. when they find out they’re over the moon. este expects to be scared or full of anxiety but it feels so right that they cry and smile and hold each other all day. it’s such a sacred moment/feeling so they decide to keep the news to themselves for the first couple of months. 

everyone in their life gets suspicious that este stops ordering cocktails at dinner and is always weirdly out of breath after doing anything barely physical but nobody is concerned enough to confront them about it. she wears baggy clothes (like matty's slouchiest band tees) while out and her bump starts to grow, but at home she doesn't bother covering up. a typical 'around the house' outfit of hers is a bralette top and her favorite jeans just with the zipper down and button wide open, tummy fully on display while typing away at a review on her laptop or snuggling up to keiko on the sofa. matty likes it, since he thinks she looks sexy and a certain energy seems to be radiating off of her that he can't seem to break his attention from. este's always catching him steal glances at the bump when he thinks she isn't looking. he sets his hand on it every night and rubs his thumb back and forth at a steady rhythm while talking about whether the baby will have his curly hair or her tan skin or his musical talent or her passion for literature. all of the above, hopefully.

she’s incredibly run down at the start so she spends lots of time in bed, which she hates. she wants nothing more than to go out to the cafe down the street, that they love, and sip on a matcha while he downs a cappuccino, and they share a warm pastry; but the baby makes her unable bear the taste of green tea and the noise of the espresso machine would probably start to drive her crazy. her attention span is suddenly split in half and she gets migraines ferquently so she's trudging behind on the list of books she needs to read.

it's tough, but matty's there to help. he appreciates that she's in bed so often because she has a habit of working herself too hard anyway. because his recent album cycle is over with, he can care for her and brush her hair and learn the order of her skincare routine so he can apply it for her when she’s too tired to do it herself. sometimes matty can tell the sickness is extra bad and that este's just downplaying her pain for the sake of not bothering him so he scolds her and treats her like a princess until she can't help but smile in pure adoration. people begin to notice that she isn’t spotted much in public at all and maybe even breakup rumors swirl around the internet.

the months they spend with their little secret are so precious, but they begin telling family when the baby grows to big to hide. it’s the best news of the year. everyone close to them finding out makes it feel so real. they receive little baby grows as gifts from cate and georgia, este’s dad helps them fix up a nursery in the spare room, and denise begins buying them diapers way too early. matty and este once discuss how lucky they are that their little one will be surrounded by such a village of love and they deliriously sob together at the thought of it. 

i think they’d announce it to the public by posting a cute candid taken by charli or george. it’s from the rare time este feels well enough to go out on a little doggy play date/walk through the park so the four of them do that. the pic shows matty and este sitting cross-legged on the grass with keiko in matty’s lap, her tongue sticking out (like it always does when she’s excited). este’s bump pokes out of the bottom of her jumper and they’re both mid-laugh and looking at each other with squinty eyes. the caption is something cute and casual like ‘healy x 4’ or ‘spot the newest healy’ and fans go absolutely insane. there are plenty of news outlets that use their pregnancy as headlines too but neither of them read any of the many articles written because they couldn’t care less of what journalists had to say.

in my heart matty is a girldad, so when it’s time to find out the sex, the doctor shares it with them right away. the two of them think gender reveals are stupid so they don’t have one. they begin building a little personality for her, like when este would eat something that she usually loves but now makes her sick, matty jokes and says "of course she isn’t a mushroom type of girl. i could’ve guessed that from a mile away," and este rolls her eyes. he’d call out phrases like "my girls! i’m home!" when coming back through the front door after a trip to the shops and este would pull the "you’re really outnumbered now, you know… 3-1…" card whenever they disagree about something. 

they also accumulate tons of storybooks that they like to take turns reading to the bump before bed every night. because they're so pretentious they go for classics like the velveteen rabbit and corduroy and anything by shel silverstein. matty always chooses the longest ones so that he can spend as much time as possible talking to her. he brings his lips all close to make sure the baby can hear him and sometimes does silly voices. when they make este giggle, her tummy vibrates with laughter and sometimes they’ll feel her kick or shift and it’s something they look forward to every day.

throughout the whole pregnancy, every couple of weeks, matty would snap a picture of the two of them (or three, i guess) standing in the full length mirror in their bedroom. they both stand profile to show off este’s growing belly, her in front, matty’s chest pressed against her back. they hold hands and she rests her empty one on her stomach, while he uses his to take the photo with a fancy point and shoot camera. the roll of film he shoots on is full of pictures and he only takes it to get developed after the final one is taken. the last of the roll shows este, now a couple weeks postpartum, with matty still holding her from behind, but this time she cradles baby dorothy in her arms instead of her pregnant belly. 

it becomes their favourite picture ever taken, so even though they’d agree to keep her identity private and barely share anything the first few months, matty and este excitedly post it on social media to at least share that she was born and what her name is. it’s a carousel with the newest picture as the cover and as you swipe you can see a couple of the previous mirror pics where her bump gets bigger and bigger over time. his caption would either be cute like ‘our baby dodes was born on the 25th of jan x’ or ‘my favourite girls in the world (este.manansala and our little dorothy)’ or something really stupid like ‘became a friend to dorothy on the 25th of january (is this a coming out post or is my daughter is named dorothy ?? guess x)’ … get it??? bc ‘friend of dorothy’ means gay man lmfao i feel like matty would be annoying like that.

dorothy florence manansala healy is her full name. it’s a mouthful but they’d love that about it and it’s also a filipino tradition to make the mother’s maiden name a second middle name for the child, so that’s where that comes from. they went through hoards of them before settling on one combination. dorothy florence comes from a hodge podge of meanings like the D initial for denise, matty's early memories of the wizard of oz, their beloved florencia, and just the fact that they found them both on baby name lists and thought they were the prettiest. they call her dodie and dodes and dodiebaby and dot and dotty and doddle and even flossie sometimes (they hope that once she’s a bit older she can pick the nickname she likes the best, so they can just call her that, instead of having to choose between them all).

and frankly, they’re completely obsessed with her. she has big brown eyes and a full head of hair and chubby rosy cheeks. matty loves that she has este’s nose and long lashes and este loves that she has his curls and pointy chin. her eyes light up whenever her mum or dad is in her view and she learns to smile whenever they call her name (or any different iteration of it). 'song for our daughter' by laura marling comes on shuffle once in a while and it makes them weep now that they have one.

being new parents takes them on a million rollercoasters of emotions all at once but they make it through the tough times together. of course their families and the guys help out a bunch, especially hann and carly who then get baby fever and maybe consider having another to give baby hann a sibling and dodie another cousin. i think matty and este would be really great though, gentle most of the time but firm when needed and they work really well as a team. matty def would not be one of those dads who slacks off or thinks it’s babysitting to watch his own kid (ofc, bc ew), like he’d be so helpful and loving and thoughtful about caring for este and any struggles she may have postpartum just as much as caring for the baby. 

they try to split things as evenly as possible and all the love flows so freely and carelessly between the three of them, although i do imagine when dot is a toddler that she’s a bit of a daddy’s girl lol. maybe that’s just me being up matty’s ass but i could just imagine her always wrapping her arms around his leg when they stand together or being really excited to go pick out a birthday gift for him with este or being mesmerized by his singing voice and stuff like that. 

baby dorothy quickly becomes their best friend. she’s everything they could’ve ever dreamed of. 

anyway that’s all i could muster up for now, if you’re wanting more baby manansala-healy blurbs, i’d be open to write them, but i don’t really have anything specific in mind so i probably only will if i get some ideas in my ask box :)))) feel free to send some if you have any!!!

ok bye love u

#tbsg #meste blurb #matty healy #the 1975 #matty healy fanfiction #the 1975 fanfiction #matty healy x oc #matty healy fic #matty healy blurb #matty healy fanfic #matty healy fluff #fanfiction #fluff

[wolfythewitch]

Wolfy I remember some sbi thing where you linked each of them to one of The Oh Hellos four winds album things (is it the time loop fic? Can't remember). What was your reasoning behind each of those? Super curious you always have those tasty parallels and thematic things that work so well

Uhhh well I did do that on the time loop fic yeah but I also made a post a while back about it

Zephyrus for Phil is the most obvious, but I also associated it with him way before syndicate was made just because it fits, y'know?

I mainly associated it with his hardcore world, especially these lyrics. But these ones also feel very c!Phil. Immortal and doomed to love and lose. I think that's the most human part of him.

If you watch his hc streams it pretty much makes sense on its own. I love s4, the way he's able to build something so clearly magical in a way? I described his world once as a world for gods to walk in, and I think that's a pretty neat descriptor for it.

For Techno I picked Eurus, because one it's gives that nice little duo of West and East for emduo, but also Eurus feels like a song about wanting. I think it fits pretty well with Techno's constant cycle of violence, despite the fact that he's tried to sit back and retire. He's a warrior, a god's vassal, and so Fortune's wheel spins with every battle and war, every time he cheats death.

For Wilbur and Tommy, I was picking between Notos and Boreas for them because both fit, but in the end I picked Notos for Wilbur.

The lyrics themselves are pretty self explanatory, and I think works really well for his spiralling and paranoia. The way the tides lapped him up until he couldn't breathe, and in the end all that water came gushing out into a destructive explosion. And he let go

So that leaves Tommy with Boreas, which I think is a pretty good song for his character especially as the story progressed.

His story is a lot about sacrifice. His discs, friends, home, he gave a lot. I remember comparing him to a fire once, in my fic.

He never truly knew Tommy. Not like Techno or Wilbur did. He learned of him through Wilbur's letters, and then from the brief time he's spent living under Techno's home. Every version was different. The letters described him like a fire, bright and boisterous and lively. The boy that lived under the floorboards felt like embers, snuffed out and a dying dim red instead of bright yellow. And when he had first met Tommy, back after the explosion, he was like candlelight, as if a vigil held to mourn the lost, standing in front of the caved in room with a pickaxe and a shovel, tears streaming down his soot smeared face, looking as if he wanted to dig out the body that was no longer there.

And I thought that was also pretty fitting haha. He's a very lively kid, but time and time again his flame has been close to being snuffed out. And time and time again, he's shown that in the end, he's willing to give and give even if it means there won't be much of him left. Because he loves, to the point of ruin

#wolfy tedtalks #anon #falls over sleeping at last also has something like this #if you ask me i Will ramble

[miasudare]

I HAVE A CRAZY THEORY ABOUT UNDERTALE AND DELTARUNE

(Note that it's just a theory!!!!)

So I've been thinking about it for a while. A couple of days a ago I saw a post about Undertale Spotify album. In the video they said that the album starts with "Once upon a time" and ends with "Good night" (credits to them) and that may imply that Undertale is a bedtime story. So that video lead me to this theory (it's long) :

I think Undertale is the dream of Kris from Deltarune. Not just any dream though, a lucid dream. Meaning that you control the dream yourself. Now, I want you to keep remembering what Kris does at the end of Chapter 1 while you read this.

Some dialogs in the game Undertale keeps telling you that you are living a dream such as that one death screen from (I guess it was either Flowey or Asriel) says " It's all a bad dream", (if I remember correctly) at the end of pacifist route Asgore saying "this is like a dream" or the item "Dream" you get from Asriel. Also you can say that the underground is always at the night time if there is no sun making a day cycle. Throughout your game play you can sleep at 4 locations anytime you want. And some monsters do sleep there with you.

Now I know you'll be asking; what about Frisk and Chara? Well I think it might sound crazy for a second but they are the same person, just representing different personalities. When I told you to remember what Kris does at the end of Chapter 1 is from this part. They rips their red* soul puts it in a cage and they turns to camera with red eyes and a knife. Meaning their true nature is showing violence. Now let me explain this detailed:

1-Frisk: In your Undertale game play you play as Frisk. They don't talk, show any emotion in neutral route or think for themselves at all. They have no emotion on their face too. Like a puppet. Frisk have/has(?) no control over themselves. Also throughout the game Frisk is seen with a red* heart/soul. We never saw anyone else use this color of soul in undertale. Not even Chara. /it might be fanon that Chara has red soul/

2-Chara: They have red eyes, a little smile and they show up at the end of genocide route. Unlike Frisk, Chara seems to be having control, hobbies and likings. Such as the comment they make about the environment in Asgore's house or the coffin. And in the genocide route of Undertale you'll realize that Chara slowly gains control over you. I'm not implying that Chara is pure evil even though they are violent since in the end we didn't get to choose not to kill Asgore or Flowey. Not to mention that Chara gains all the control over us after we make violent actions.

3-Kris: In Deltarune (most likely in the beginning)we don't get to choose anything about who we are. We don't have control. Although as soon as we go to the Dark World things chance. We get to choose what Kris does. We can make them hurt others, show mercy on others or even make them eat moss. WE get to ruin/perfect their life in the Dark World. And Kris can't do anything but obey us. Just like Frisk. And just like Frisk, Kris doesn't shows any emotion in the game play. When we get to the cutscene tho, you'll realize that the game is over. You don't have control over Kris. And Kris knows it. There is nothing you can do to stop them from doing what they want. They are free from you.

When Kris goes to the bed. There is a black screen for a while and we get to see the cutscene. Maybe after what Kris experienced in the Dark World, they had a dream about what would it be like if their life was just like that. Going to adventures, fighting monsters. And normally Kris sees their family, friends or their neighbors in the dream. That would explain a lot of things. Like why we see Asgore and Toriel are divorced in Undertale. In Deltarune they are also divorced so it would be logical for Kris to see them as single too. When you connect the dots you even get why some events happened.

In Undertale you never get to see Asgore alive without doing pacifist. And even if you do pacifist he gets treated poorly. In all other endings he dies. All because of Flowey(I'm gonna come to that too). Meaning that maybe Kris doesn't have a good relationship with his father at all. There might be things that happened during the divorce. Kris sees Asgore as the King because he is the only man that Kris knows as a strong male figure.

Also Toriel, being a queen is the same. Toriel is the only one Kris could image being in charge of a nation. She is a teacher after all and Kris might think her to be very smart. We also see Toriel talking about wanting to be a teacher in Undertale. Kris didn't miss that one. The way Toriel acts is also important too. She treats a complete stranger like her child giving them a bed, food, love and even education. Meaning that Kris and Toriel has a good relationship as mother-child.

Asriel though is very complicated. In Deltarune we never see him. We only know that Asriel is very talented in many ways because of the trophies in his shelf. In Undertale tho we mostly see him as a evil defenseless little flower in both neutral and genocide endings. And what did I said about Asgroe? He keeps dying in both endings. He gets killed by Asriel. This might imply 2 things. 1 Asriel doesn't have a healthy relationship with his father. 2 Asriel caused the divorce and he is not innocent. It would explain why we never get to see him again after he brakes the barrier. He doesn't get a happy ending while everyone gets. Because Kris don't think that Asriel deserves to be happy. We don't know much about the relationship between Asriel and Kris except for knowing that Flowey kills Frisk a lot. When you think that way you'll notice that Asriel might be a bully to Kris. He is talented, he might get more love and support from his parents since he goes to college. So no one would say anything to him if he picks on or even shows violence towards Kris. This might be the reason Kris stays quiet all the time or doesn't moves an inch while Susie threatens to eats his face off. Kris is used to it. In the other hand, Kris might even hate Asriel too. Like I said Kris doesn't think that Asriel deserves a happy end. (Not to mention we see Asriel as a cry baby. Probably Kris would love to see that.) Resulting him dying in process. A world without an Asriel is a world where everyone is happy to Kris. The way Chara portrays Flowey in genocide is also a thing. Flowey in genocide is scared, hopeless and helpless. Kris might imagine Asriel like that. When Kris gets a chance and a knife, Asriel begging them to not kill him, oh how much satisfaction Kris would feel.

Sans and Papyrus's apperience depends on Kris's imagination to be honest. Kris knows something goes on with his mother and Sans. Since Sans says "I befriended your mom last night". So this would cause Kris to see Sans as a punny, relaxed and mysterious man. The way Toriel would like to hang out. The mystery part also comes from Kris knowing a little bit of Sans. Papyrus is also up to Kris's imagination. The way Sans told them about Papyrus might resulted Kris to see him as a merciful, complex but friendly guy. And since Kris met Sans the day they fell into the Dark World would explain the Rabbit Shop lady's dialogs "They showed up out of no where and introduced themselves"

I don't think I need to talk about Undyne and Alphys. Undyne is a police officer (police shef?) and that would explain how Kris sees her in Undertale. An independent woman as a leader of a very strict group of guards. And Alphys? She is a science teacher and probably the only science teacher in the town. It would also make sense for think her as a scientist. Also the neighbors. We see Catty, Bratty, Snowdrake(not sure). Kris might see Catty and Bratty as low life, non important, cheapskate girls so that could led us to see them hanging in a literal dumpster, selling trash.

I don't know what I should tell you about Gaster. We just need more chapters so I can explain more I guess. Do you like this theory? Do you agree or not?

#undertale #deltarune #theory #undertale theory #deltarune theory #toby fox

[optiwashere]

7, 20, 21 (and 26 if you're so inclined) for When Everything is Dark? 👀

Oh yes, another fun fic. Well, fun is a curious word. A fun one to think about at least lmao. Thanks for asking about it! 💜

7. What inspired the idea for the plot?

A couple of things (big shocker) The specifics of Nocturne being summoned to Shadowheart's chambers as part of Shadowheart being given back altered, ruined, or inconsistent versions of her memories by Shar in a DJSH ending is something that lingers in my mind a lot. There is something exceptionally tragic about the possibility of Shadowheart regaining those memories, but only certain ones that color her perception of who someone like Nocturne was to her. Nocturne as DJSH's "favorite" and a sorta tragic reverse mirror of Viconia has been sitting in my mind for a while. I think you wrote a post here about Shadowheart as a reflection of Viconia, as a kind of perpetuation of the cycle of abuse, and that is exactly what I think happens in that awful timeline. Finally, I think DJSH ordering Nocturne around like that is kinda hot. Which is really unfortunate for Nocturne, but still lol.

20. What is something you wish more people noticed about this fic?

The specific nature of Shadowheart's possessiveness in the fic. Specifically, the fact that she wants Nocturne to herself in a way that eerily sounds like love... something that she is vehemently against with a PC romance in the game. Surely there's something interesting there in the blatant disconnect between her actions and her words? I know you mentioned it in your comment, but it's something that makes me a bit feral lol.

21. What is something you didn't expect people to notice or gravitate towards in this fic?

I didn't expect anyone to actually like it, to be honest. I'm not saying that as some sorta faux humility thing, but it was posted as part of a Smutmas thing and it's not the type of fic I normally write. So I was pleasantly surprised that anyone actually liked it lol.

26. Wild Card! I'll tell you a fun fact about this fic!

Titling the fic reminded me that Depeche Mode had a new album out in 2023 and that it's pretty good!

#hey you can ask me things! #random rambling about writing #my fic

[bisluthq]

Do you think Joe is scared of what she might reveal?

I think Joe is (understandably) scared of having this album ruin his two next press cycles regardless of what it says which would then essentially render him unemployable for a fairly long while. I doubt he’s scared about specifics, I think he’s scared about the vibes and the press cycles for the next Yorgos movie - and even more so Hamlet where he’s a bigger part and which he was super amped for - having media questions like “so what did you think about Taylor’s breakup songs about you” because there’s earnestly no correct answer. He can say he didn’t listen and wishes her well (taking a leaf out of Jake’s book on that) but he’ll still face online harassment for that so eh 🤷🏻‍♀️ no real way to win that one.

[icanseethefuture333]

exactly the album is only one week old i swear instant gratification is ruining this generation’s perception, i 1000% agree on the feminist themes/lyrics are not accepted especially by the Korean society but that’s the main reason why i like this group we have very few female idols who would explicitly say the things soyeon would say in her songs or her performances for example her calling out MAMA awards judges “stupid men” 😭 i love powerful women but we don’t have enough of them especially in the k-pop industry and that’s why i support this group tbh

I just find it crazy in comparison how artists in the 90s had actual albums going diamond just by having fans simply buying their records and to get the song to stream someone would have to request it to be on the radio. If the song was received well that's when it would go viral. Nowadays it's just like people plan streaming parties on Spotify and YouTube and it's like the thought is nice, but that's not even genuine? Yeah I agree! Gidle definitely stands out talent wise. The MAMAs is honestly like the Grammy's in a way. It can be really biased at times. I think there are powerful women in the kpop industry but it also depends on what your definition of a "powerful" woman is. Feminism looks different for everyone and it doesn't necessarily have to be the "girl crush" concept yk? I think female idols in their own way all show great strength and endurance because they have to face unhealthy beauty standards, excessively exercise/have to worry about maintaining their beauty & youth, and can't even talk about being a feminist or misogyny in general without the fear of being canceled. For example, I remember when Pristin talked about their menstrual cycle with Heechul in a interview. That must be excruciating to have to perform and have cramps when you are hardly allowed to take a break during that time!

#ask #anon #kpop #feminism

[the-contemporary-critic]

Reviewing Conan Gray’s Never Ending Song

The Lyrics

Like many of his songs, the lyrics deal with a relationship that isn’t working out. Like the title suggests, the relationship is never-ending.

Before I go into if I like the lyrics, let’s go over my interpretation. The most obvious point is that this relationship won’t give up. Even if Conan tries to “turn the page” the relationship goes on and on and on.

Although Conan mentioned trying to end the relationship, there also seems to be a need for it to continue. The relationship took so much out of and from him, like his adolescence, that giving up would be a waste. It’s almost like they’re already in too deep and this cycle has trapped them. And to be honest, I love it.

The lyrics are great. I’ve said it before, but lyrics are what sell a song to me and I’m sold. They’re relatable and well-written lyrics. Like many of his songs, the lyrics make the song ten times better for me.

Favorite Lyric(s): “Tried to turn the page, but our story wasn’t stoppin’”

The Aura

Conan went for a new feel with this song. The stars are the most iconic part, I would say. It almost gives a vintage rockstar kind of feel.

In terms of the music video, I loved the theme. The dancing in the grocery store at night just added to the vintage feeling I was getting. That might not be the intended feeling to be felt, but it was there.

Overall, the aesthetic and vibe of the music video was a lot of fun to watch and cute.

I have to say, the deeper, almost-British voice isn’t my favorite, but it doesn’t ruin the song at all.

Compare & Contrast

The song is new for Conan, mainly because of the lower voice. I would say the aesthetic of it is pretty new too, with the stars, yellow, and black. Regardless, there’s still that iconic Conan Gray flair to it.

The lyricism is typical Conan. I can imagine them being sung the way his other songs are. I can imagine hearing these lyrics on the Kid Krow album or Superache album. They’re great.

One song it reminded me of while listening was Telepath. They both have a retro feel to them and some similarities in meanings, too. I would say that’s the most similar past song.

My official rating for the song is:

✬✬✬✬½. This song is going to be never-ending on my playlist these next few weeks.

#conan gray #never ending song #conan slay #music #new music #pop music #kid krow #superache #superache is for virgins #music review #music criticism #critic #music critic #lyric #lyric analysis #music video #music vibes #review

[eitanshuman]

How Juice Wrld Is changing The Perception of Mental Health, Even After His Death

Jarad Anthony Higgin or more commonly known as Juice Wrld jumped onto the rap scene in early 2018 with his first studio album “Goodbye & Good Riddance.” Juice Wrld immediately grabbed people's attention with his unique vocals and transcendent beats. It’s in these moments, I wish I had a technical understanding of how music works, so I could better explain why Juice Wrld is so special. However, I don’t need a technical understanding to appreciate his musical genius, I just have to close my eyes and listen. 

It Impossible to talk about Juice Wrld without mentioning his lyrics and more specifically the topics he’s willing to rap about. In many of his songs he opens up about his substance abuse  and mental health struggles. 

I can't breathe, I'm waiting for the exhale

Toss my pain with my wishes in a wishing well

Still no luck, but oh, well

I still try even though I know I'm gon' fail

It's stress on my shoulders like a anvil

Perky got me itching like a anthill

Drugs killing me softly, Lauryn Hill

Sometimes I don't know how to feel

Sometimes I don't know how to feel

Let's be for real

If it wasn't for the pills, I wouldn't be here

But if I keep taking these pills, I won't be here, yeah

I just told y'all my secret, yeah

It's tearing me to pieces

I really think I need them

I stopped taking the drugs and now the drugs take me

This excerpt is from his song “Wishing Well” and it really encapsulates what Juice Wrld is about. In the first paragraph he talks about obstacles in his life that seem impossible to overcome, which leads to his continued use of drugs. He even acknowledges that he might not be successful without the drugs.  But still he continues to live this destructive lifestyle. He starts the last paragraph by referring to this cycle of drug use as his secret, even though it's ruining his life. The last set of lyrics are really powerful because it showcases the transition between using drugs and becoming dependent on them. 

What makes Juice Wrld so special is his willingness to be so open and honest with his audience. From day one he talked about his personal demons and made it a part of his identity. As a young unproven artist he didn’t care about the stigma surrendering these issues and instead he embraced it. Juice Wrld talking about these issues so publicly brings awareness and shows people they aren’t alone in their struggle. He makes it easier for men to discuss their insecurities and mental health problems in open spaces. I feel like I would be labeled as weak and not mentally strong if I would discuss these issues. As a man it almost feels impossible opening up in this manner. However, artists like Juice Wrld help open up these spaces for men or women alike. 

#juice wlrd #mental health #mental heath awareness #hip-hop #men #addiction

[hummingbird-hunter]

ok wait maybe I'm not lazy (because I'm a lil bit insane!)

Jose Mauro (Google him tho his whole story is fucking insane ngl!) Makes I think stuff in Portuguese.

Kit Sebastian makes stuff in I think English & French?

Azymuth is a Brazilian funk/jazz trio.

Arthur Verocai is Brazilian as well, he's made some cool stuff.

Lily Allen did a version of Smile in Simlish which is always fun if you have both in your playlist because it's a horrible 50/50!

The Mauskovic dance band is an interesting band, I think they're from the US?

Hypnotic Brass Ensemble is like 8 siblings and a random dude they hired to be a drummer, really good band, Ballicki Bone is very good.

I'm not sure what language it is but Haydar Haydar by Derya Yıldırım & Grup Şimşek is fun.

Out Of Reach by Klaus Johan Grobe is in German?

People, Let's Dance by Public Service Broadcasting & EERA is in German.

I think Men I Trust has stuff in Quebec French.

Utu by Eno X Dirty is a bop.

Sonos Cor De Rosa by Tiawa is Spanish & English.

Sudan Archives is in English but she makes really fun & interesting art pop especially in her current album cycle.

CASIOPEA is Japanese like Jazz, Mint Jams is a really good place to start.

MF DOOM & BadBadNotGood's song for GTA is partially in Spanish.

Also Madvillian by Madvilliany is one of the best albums I've ever gotten to listen to.

SAULT makes amazing music, they've pit out a crazy amount of music since 2019.

Birds Of Paradise by Karnan Saba & Hone Be Good is really good. (I really like the label it came from)

Ethel Cain's debut Preacher's Album is definitely something, I loved it, be warned it's fucked up, and long.

Pip Millet has a series of Amazing EP's, still need to listen to the album though).

MĀ has an amazing album (Breakfast with Hades).

Deltron 3030 by Deltron 3030 is a great album.

Leak 04-13 (Bait Ones) by Jai Paul is amazing, it's a tragedy that it ruined his creative drive.

Caroline Polachek has done 2 art pop records under her own name, both are amazing.

Ravenna has made some beautiful music.

Ayonha by Hamid Al Shaeri got me into Arabic Jazz.

Balkan - Honey and Blood by Jordi Savall is a really investing album, idek how i found it.

La Sabotesue by Yazz Ahmed is a really good album.

Dub Yalil by Natacha Atlas is just, an amazing song.

Cosmic Funk by Lonnie Liston Smith and the Cosmic Echoes is good, my brother loves it and he has amazing taste.

Todo De Ti is really good pop, it's all in Spanish but I'm surprised it didn't get a Dua Lipa remix.

The Nu Deco Ensemble version of I Am The Antichrist to You by Kishi Bashi is beautiful. but haunting

Rosalia's Motomami is amazing. Hentai is a really beautiful song.

Celeste's album "Not Your Muse" was a really good listen.

All You Get From Love Is A Love Song & Calling Occupants Of Interplanetary Craft (The Recognized Anthem of World Contact Day) made me desperately to find this album from The Carpenters.

If you're feeling Horny the remix of Wizz by Coucou Chloe is fun, same with the Cupcakke remix of Good Puss. Also anything off Alias by Shygirl.

Roisin & Crooked Machine are great albums.

Tinashe's 333 is an amazing album, it's so good.

Orville Peck is gay country music.

Revulva is an 8 piece jazz band, Stop Pulling On My (Hair) is so pop though.

Lava La Rue makes amazing (and very queer music).

If I Sleep by Dystopia hits really hard.

Code by The Comet Is Coming had my friend jamming out because it sounds like the comet is coming.

I Feel Love by Donna Summer is one of the most important songs in moden music history and its so fucking good.

Nia Archives makes jungle, it's Drum & Bass but more fun.

Giving Up Air was a really nice EP by Bloodmoon, amazing production.

Julia Jacklin & Stella Donnely are both kinda sad Australians, thank you land of Muck for these artists. And the story of Engadine Maccas in 1997.

TRYON by Slowthai is really amazing, espech the A/B side differences.

Blood Orange's 4 songs are a nice chilled out 4 songs.

Self Esteem, I too do this all the time, but yet I don't Prioritize Pleasure.

She's So Kind by Harve is the sibling song of Theirs13 by JGrrey, both artists wrote the songs about eachother, truly a queer love story.

Wolf Alice's Blue Weekend has some moments more Blue than others.

The Danger Mouse & Black Thought album is well produced, with amazing features. Do not skip Strangers.

Doomsday by MF DOOM is an essential song, same with Nobody by Nas & Ms. Lauryn Hill, also recommended is One Mic, One Gun by Nas and 21 Savage.

Body Dysmorphia. by RAYE is such a constant mood!

this is the hits from my like 7.3k song spotify playlist

Thank you I am saving this

#answering your riddles #music recs

[27-royal-teas]

im gonna controversially rank every fall out boy album (writing this i am realizing HOW fucking obsessed i am with this band holy shitttttt) just for funsies and pls dont attack me these are just my opinions!!! I love all the albums there are just some I like more than others open minds open arms yk

8.) take this to your grave

Hey i know im aware its a classic but im just not a huge fan. All the songs kind of sound the same, this is true for any first album i think, especially from this time period (for instance. All time low i love you to death but put up and shut up just wasnt IT for me). its still a really good album!!! but like. Ive also only listened to saturday and grand theft autumn off of it so i guess im not much one to talk. I definitely need to give this album another try when i get the time! It’s just kind of difficult for me to listen to. Like reading lord of the rings. Everyone says it’s a classic and it’s amazing but it’s fucking DIFFICULT to get through

7.) american beauty/american psycho

Its ranked this low simply because its kind of too mainstream. There are, of course, tons of bangers (see: twin skeletons, favorite record, fourth of july) but yeah. I do end up skipping a lot of the songs on this album just cause they were really overplayed, but ive forcibly distanced myself from the more overplayed songs enough that an occasional relisten wont make me want to rip my ears off. Still a good album, (none of these are BAD ALBUMS by any means, just,,, not my favorite) 

6.) save rock and roll

Best way to come back from the dead imo. I love this album. I listened to it with the commentary queued before each song and it really did enhance the whole thing by listening to them discuss the meaning behind each one. Not a huge fan of ALL the features- i like all the songs and i wont skip most of them but i just dont really like courtney loves feature tbh shes kind of off the beat in her verse and my brain doesnt like it but other than that its a really good album. Also the youngblood chronicles have my entire heart on a plate istg

5.) from under the cork tree

I love this album i really do!! There are just other albums i like MORE. its a fantastic album full of fantastic songs (Our Lawyer and I Slept With Someone being my two favorites besides the obvious) and so many have really just become huge milestones in pop punk and emo music as we know it. This album was fucking INFLUENTIAL and really changed the entire music industry as a whole. How can you not love it??

4.) MANIA

Ah, mania, my musical wife. I love her so. I love this album so much, I don’t understand why it gets so much hate. Sure its different but i like different. It feels like there was a lot of love put into this album idk. Also there are no skips for me on this one (except for Hold Me Tight or Don’t, depending on what mood im in- ever since I found out Joe never plays guitar in that song at all it’s kind of changed my whole view of it). It really does bring to life how close the links are between music, how they’re not so far apart after all, how we can bridge the gap and make something purposeful and new. 

3.) so much (for) stardust

This was my first album cycle as a fan and i am having a marvelous time.  I feel like partly because of that its ranked so high, but i love this album to death. No skips, except maybe flu game. Loved the resurgence of pete’s slam poetry and i really do think that the orchestral arrangements brought it all together. Overall sm(f)s is a great album and im glad it was my first with them

2.) infinity on high

I seriously love this album SO much. however i do recommend watching the video for carpal tunnel of love. i think it ruined me. It’s absolutely horrifying but everyone should have the experience of being absolutely horrified by a fall out boy video at least once. Either way, great album and Hum Hallelujah is one of my favorite songs by fob. Everything on it is just so well made

1 ) folie a deux

I mean what else can i say? Its, in my opinion, the best fall out boy album of them all. The craftsmanship feels like someone really put their heart and soul into it. There is some delicate care within these walls. What A Catch makes me cry every time. My friends have heard me talk about 27 enough. Tiffany Blews is incredible. It’s just,, so FULL. idk

In conclusion you really can’t go wrong with any of fobs albums!!!! They are all hella bangers !!! Incredible masterpieces!!!! If you haven’t listened to any I highly recommend!!!!!

#fall out boy #fob #tttyg #futct #mania #infinity on high #srar #smfs #sm(f)s #ab/ap #Folie a deux #Toby speaks

[bekindtoyou4007]

It isn't so cold anymore which is nice. I think I can see the evenings stretching. I woke up today feeling really hopeless and small but felt better throughout the day as I got up and did things and went to work. I'm doing well financially as well which is nice! I think I was triggered badly on sat night, maybe also because I'm re reading a book I had to read during a very dark period of my childhood and its causing things to resurface? I found released by listening to an album I listened to then and crying a bit. I'm doing what I can to complete the stress cycle and cope in healthy ways instead of doing things that would hurt me or make my life harder. I keep remembering the efforts I've made so far and don't want to ruin it for the past version of me who was so strong. In other news, my physical health has taken a hit, I was very ill over the weekend due to a miscalculation. I was in pain last night and different moments today. Seems to have resolved itself but now I ache. A little scared to go weight lifting but we will see.

#daily #19.02.2024

[ajoytobeheld]

Ellen Campesinos!' favourite records of the decade

December 19th, 2009

“Misty Water Coloured Memories”

My Favourite Albums of The Last Decade with Thoughtful Memories Attached to Explain their Significance in my Life

The Distillers –Coral Fang

The last album Brody and Co released before they decided they didn’t like each other any more, and this pop punk gem reminds me of getting the side of my lip pierced so I could look more like Mrs Dalle when I was 18…. therefore this also reminds me of using popular culture to formulate my attire. Not that I do that anymore.

Alkaline Trio – Good Mourning

I listened to this album obsessively on a family holiday to Gran Canarias because otherwise I would have had to make conversation with my family. I also thought Matt Skiba was the be all and end all of men (I was 16ish) Now look at him. He hasnt aged well.

The Dresden Dolls – Yes, Virginia

The second album from the Boston pair, which featured the amazing “Mandy Goes to Med School” and “Backstabber” (One of my favourite music videos, along with Amanda Palmers karaoke videos of Avril Lavigne songs. Youtube it. It’s gold.) Because I was part of The Dolls mailing list I got to pretend to be a “living statue” at their concert at the Astoria, I held up some fan art and didn’t move for a bit before the gig. I also had to clear a space (with other fan list people) for this interpretive dance group who performed a LONG “piece” wearing latex suits and gas masks whilst having a sponsored epileptic fit to some white noise. It was the worst thing I had ever seen.

Brand New – Deja Entendu

Just after this record came out I won a competition to meet them after they did an in store in London and I couldn’t find anyone to go with me but I had a “plus 1” so asked a random girl waiting around outside with a Brand New t shirt on. I think she may have cried. I was told by the lead singer that I had shakey hands when I tried to take pictures of him, but that’s because he made me nervous.

Bright Eyes – Fevers and Mirrors

I think I use to listen to this and cry about all the boys who said they would text me back and never did. This definitely coincided with that time I had a livejournal.

A Perfect Circle – Mer De Noms

James Maynard Keenan has a voice which use to excite me sexually. I put this on the classroom stereo during my art foundation course many years back and I was immediately ridiculed for my music taste and thus begun a cycle of self loathing and using headphones.

Venetian Snares – Rossz Csillag Alatt Született

I danced to this at a play in Edinburgh. There was a mandatory audience participation bit and we had to wear Venetian masks and do vodka shots whilst “raving”. It was horrible and it went on for ten fucking minutes, and I spend the entire time being very aware of my arms.

Jimmy Eat World – Bleed America

I was talking about this album the other day to a friend and immediately began to sing a medley of all the songs from it, remembering the times when I use to dance to “The Middle” and think that song was “all about me” and my untapped potential. I actually when to a “punk and emo” night in Bristol the other week and had a little dance to it, except I was six years older and it was just a bit sad/liberating.

My Ruin – Speak and Destroy

This sound tracked my first year of university; I was fat with long black hair and so was the singer therefore we had a kinship.

Reuben – In Nothing We Trust

I listened to this album obsessively when we were recording “Hold On Now Youngster,” and I still stand by my decision it was the best one they made before they split up because they had no money.

Biffy Clyro – Blackened Sky

Blackened Sky was their debut album, and I went to see them play at the Fleece and Firkin when they were still puffy and ungroomed and unknown and you know….making good music. WHY BIFFY WHY!

#2009 #ellen!blog #lc!blog #lc!image

[inallcaps]

Grief, Clarity, and Acceptance: My 1st experience with shrooms.

My love and I spent a few days at a queer campground on the west side of the state. A trip we were so excited for because when have you ever heard of a 4 queer by queer camping space? Unexpected rain and a steep drop in temperature caused us to pivot. But I'm thankful for the flexibility because, to me, it made the trip even better. We swapped our tent for a little cabin consisting of the bare necessities, because this is camping after all. This small, minimally built out tiny cabin served us well during the thunderstorms and torrential downpour we would soon experience. The day it rained the hardest, we snuggled inside, playing games and watching shows. We had talked about doing shrooms while on this trip and I was finally ready.

We buy from a cute little inconspicuous store back home. Owned by a lovely guy who cares deeply for plant medicine. Just as we were about to take them the rain let up a bit and the wind picked up. Being from the country, there's nothing I love more than being in the woods under the trees listening to the breeze. I'm thankful for the ancestral and universal protection we had during this experience. For so long I was worried my first experience with psychedelics would be terrifying. I feel as though nature knew what I needed and provided. And for that, I am thankful.

Not wanting to overdue it, I took a rather large micro-dose amount. My love insured I would feel it but not be tripping. Ready, relaxed, and fully trusting I ate the little chocolate cubby cap, as it's named. Laid back and stared at the trees moving through the little skylight window on the ceiling.

After some time my love asked me if I was feeling it. Truth be told I couldn't tell? I stood up in hopes that maybe that would change things and that's when I felt the wind in a way I have never felt wind. We had opened the windows prior so there was a lovely breeze flowing through the cabin. I could feel it start from my finger tips and wash its way over my arms. A cool and very gentle breeze kissing my skin, helping me stay cool and not overheat. It felt like the most gentle little touches, someone running their hand along my arm, shoulder, and back hair. Slowly it made it's way up my neck and then to the top of my bald head. I have never felt the wind like that. I felt as though she was giving me a very sensual soft hug. In that moment I looked to my love and said, yes I think I'm feeling it.

We put on Arrested Development and laid down. As I was there I noticed my body starting to feel really heavy. I could feel the emotions in my chest starting to build up. I was having a really hard time focusing on the show. I could feel the grief I was processing growing bigger. I saw my uncle's presence in my life play before my eyes like a movie. Remembering moments and conversations. Prior to this trip, I worried that my uncle actively being in the process of dying my impact my experience. But I wasn't worried it would ruin it. However, it was in fact impacting my experience.

Grief. The anchor, guide, and lesson of this trip.

I asked my love to turn off the show and turn on some music. I chose the album. "Mother" by Cleo Sol. I have always loved this album but I had never LISTENED to it. Felt it. It was the perfect album to usher in the 3 hours cycle of grief purging.

As I lay there looking out the window my body became exceptionally heavy. I had a hard time lifting my arms but I wasn't scared, I felt relaxed. I have pretty crap posture due to scoliosis and I only ever feel truly relaxed when on the chiropractors table. The positions allow my spine to move in ways it doesn't, muscles to relax, my shoulder drop. I can feel my back muscles stretching and it feels so good. I was feeling that exact same sensation lying in bed. Which told me that I was probably the most relaxed I had ever been. In this state, I still felt a large amount of emotion welling in the center of my chest. I started thinking about my past life. Specifically, times when I was most profoundly hurt. All of those times having to do with unrequited love.

I thought about the time a lifelong friend told me she had loved me for 7 years. Then almost instantly broke my heart. As I watched that series of events unfold, large tears welled up in my eyes. The biggest tears I have ever felt myself produce. They flowed like rivers down my cheek, steady for about 2 minutes. As the tears flowed and I moved through this old storyline, I felt a lump being to move from my chest up through my throat until I physically had to open my mouth to take in a large breath of air. It felt as though something crawled from deep within, up and out of me. Once it was out I felt a sense of relief I've only ever felt once I've removed myself from a really stressful situation. It felt like peace. As I took a few deep breaths and let out all that had come up I noticed my nose was completely blocked as if I had been bawling. But I hadn't. Just large tears and this moving lump in my throat. I realized I was purging past situations. I was grieving them and moving on. This happened a few more times over the course of 3 hours. My love kept looking over to check on me. Asking if I was okay. They cuddled up next to me resting their head on my stomach almost like a waited blanket. I sank in as I felt another wave coming.

At one point I tried to respond and tell her what I was feeling but it was so hard to speak. Finally all I could say was, "it feels like I'm purging. I'm not really crying."

This experience felt very healing because I often think about things from the past and feel so terrible. Many situations I don't think I ever really let them go and that was made clear that day. After purging my mind would always go back to the present and I would hear my conscious say, "how lucky am I to have found the love I have today and have the life I have today." For once I was very aware of just how much my life has changed. I suffered for many years brought on by many different things. But I tend to forget that the suffering was past tense. I'm not currently suffering. This trip reminded me of that. I am not suffering. I am where I have hoped, prayed, and begged for. I am at peace with myself, my life, and my soul.

I say grief was the anchor for trip because as I purged every thought and memory that came up, I grieved the parts of me that were actively being destroyed in those situations. My confidence, my sense of self, what I thought my purpose was. But through my grief I found clarity and acceptance.

I'm thankful for my partner who was with me during this experience. I'm thankful to my ancestors for walking with me during this experience. I'm thankful for nature giving me a familiar song to listen to during this experience.

#grief #shrooms #pscilocybin #magic shrooms #2020 #words

[the-firebird69]

Watch "The Beatles - Here Comes The Sun (2019 Mix)" on YouTube

The Beatles album is full of songs like this that have meeting about us our kind. And Paul McCartney is not Tom f and he's not in the bed and Max said it's his kids they trade out with the gifted kids. And they did it for a while and the band was defense because it kept happening and Tommy f was found mentally with it as was Mac Daddy and they had the intention of infecting them it appears so there's really no knock in them they kept doing it and doing it and these people keep making huge mistakes Mac is going to be ruined and Tommy f will be ruined after and it's because they're doing that. And I think they can stay clean with almost everybody being completely condemned. It's extremely arrogant it's way worse than Johnny Lord if only John remillard could hear and see what they're like. It's ridiculous is the obscene. And we looked at it closely and it means that they're trying to get to heaven and they can't and it has to do with recent events and has to do with the ground weapon systems and Mac Daddy has no access. And he was fooled by his son who picked up the military hat and never took it off and his son is paid the price and it just grotesque even in Mac's book it's probably well beyond what he would do. And nobody can stand it anymore they have to find the light cycle facilities that are last over and try and figure out if it's true.

He told him about the life facility and the race and he was interested but horrified by his son as our most and the basic premises horrifying for them as well there's a bunch of kids and they're looking young boys in a tunnel and there's no joke that satanists have about it and they don't want to tell it but it's coming out now

Thor Freya

#Youtube

[joshfuckingkiszka]

『stranger things have happened - 7 - tangled in the great escape』

dirty, nasty, filthy. oh wait, that’s me

THIS SERIES IS 18+ MINORS DNI

chapter warnings: overbearing family, explicit sexual content, oral/fingering (f!receiving), only slight asshole!josh in this one actually

『series masterlist』

☼

Josh’s habit of being late often caused him more trouble than it was worth, well, in his opinion. This is the exact reason it surprised you, for the second time, that he showed up to your apartment early. He claimed that he simply “didn’t want to make a bad first impression”, but you couldn’t help but wonder if that was the whole truth. Your breath hitched when you heard the knock on the door, and Josh’s face asked you silently why you weren’t opening it. 

“Hello lovebug,” your mother insisted on calling you that, despite your numerous pleas for her to stop. It was the nickname your dad gave you, and she had no right to use it. 

“You must be Josh!” He reached out to shake her hand but she startled him by going in for a hug, and you cringed, but made note to make fun of him later for it. 

When she pulled away, he smiled at her, “Yes, ma’am, that’s me.” 

“I just want to say I’m a huge fan!” For a moment, if that, you caught a glimpse of who your sister used to be, before your mother ruined her. 

Your mother ‘tsk’-ed at her, “Now, let’s not idolize, sweetie.” Then she was gone, the light evaporated from her eyes, and you hoped Josh saw it too, saving you the explanations. 

“Tell me about yourself, Josh.” You could see her looking around the room from her place on the couch, not so subtly judging your decor. 

He shook his head, as if there wasn’t much to say. “Well, I’m originally from Michigan, and I’m in a band with my twin and our younger brother, and our best friend.” 

“Joshy, you act like your ‘band from Michigan’ hasn’t won a Grammy,” you playfully pushed him, forcing yourself into the girlfriend role, while also wanting him to acknowledge that they were an incredibly talented group. A light pink tint spread across his face and those heart-tugging dimples appeared. 

“Really? A Grammy? That’s…incredibly fortunate,” your mother said, a tight lipped smile on her face. Josh saw it, and looked quickly up at you, his facade fading for only a second. 

You answered for him, knowing he was caught off guard, “Yep! They even have a new album coming out, and a tour after that!” Now you were just bragging, and it felt good. 

“Oh?” Your mother’s eyebrows raised at that, and you suddenly regretted saying anything at all. “And where will you be on this ‘tour’?” Now you were caught off guard. 

Josh picked up on it, and answered for you this time, “Oh, it’s an extremely short tour, only a few dates. She’ll still be here, taking her summer classes. You’re so lucky to have ended up with a daughter that has such high academic ambitions!” 

You would have to thank him later, and ask him how he knew about your summer classes. Of course, you had mentioned them while he was around, but you didn’t think he ever truly listened to you. 

“Oh, yes, well, two daughters like that, actually.” That was her transition point into talking about how great of a student your sister had been, and then about her husband and her job and all of their plans for the future. 

“Tell them, sweetie, go on,” she encouraged your sister. 

She looked you in the eyes, and you thought it might have been her way of asking for help, for any sort of real guidance. 

“I’m pregnant.” your mother put on a great show of pretending that your sister’s announcement was completely void of any interference on her part. As if she didn’t practically force your sister to stop taking her birth control the day of her wedding, didn’t send her articles upon articles of “fertility advice” from mommy blogs, and didn’t track your sister’s ovulation cycle and message her when she knew she was ovulating, advising her to “do it while you still can!”. 

“Congratulations!” Josh said earnestly, and you could tell she appreciated it, seeing as how he didn’t benefit from the situation at all. 

You wished you could have stopped your mother before she said, “Next is your turn!” Both you and Josh began to choke on air, stuttering out half words that would never form a full sentence. That look of pity was back in your sister’s eyes, and you accepted it this time. 

“Well, Josh is - the band all wants - they’re touring as much as they can while they can! And we haven’t been dating very long and I’m still in school-” 

“Calm down, lovebug, I was only kidding!” She hadn’t been, but you let it go, you and Josh taking a second to calm down. In a moment you wished hadn’t been completely fake, Josh put his arm around you. The electricity hit you again, or maybe it was static. 

“So, Josh, do you do drugs?” Your eyes widened in disbelief and you tried to calculate how many Salty Dogs you would owe him after this. 

He only laughed, and you realized interviewers probably asked him that pretty often. “I take melatonin occasionally, nothing too crazy.” Josh had kindly left out his vaping and weed habits. 

Your sister stayed quiet for a good portion of the night, while your mother did the exact opposite, cutting you and Josh off multiple times, forcing her word in. You could tell she was trying her best not to degrade you in front of your “boyfriend”. At the end of the night, before your sister followed your mother out of your apartment, you saw Josh slip her something, and her face lit up and she gave him a tight hug, only letting go when her name was called from the stairway. 

“What was that?” You asked as you closed the door. 

He shrugged, “I had a notepad in my pocket, signed it when I went to the bathroom. She looked like she needed it.” 

“That was…really sweet, Josh,” you lamented. He was right, she did need it. 

“It’s nothing.” 

“Obviously it wasn’t-” 

Josh sighed. “Whatever,” he looked through the window, eyes widening, “Oh, fuck!” 

Panicked, you looked outside. Rain poured violently outside, thunder crashing and lightning filtered through the open curtains. 

“Can you not drive in the rain or something?” You asked as you closed the fabric surrounding the door to the balcony. 

He rolled his eyes, but it wasn’t directed at you, “No, fuck, Jake borrowed my Jeep, he drove me here.” Frantically, he pulled out his phone, attempting to quickly text his twin. 

After a few minutes he let out a loud groan. “His road’s flooded, he can’t get out.” 

“What about Sam or Danny?” 

“I’m trying them now,” he told you, and you swore it was the gentlest way he’d ever spoken to you, but perhaps he was just being quiet. 

You sat on the couch as he paced the floor of the living room, anxiously waiting for responses. 

“Sam’s out, he said he can’t drive in the storm.” 

“Danny?” 

“Hasn’t answered, he’s probably asleep.” It was pretty late, you realized after looking at the time on your phone. 

“Well, crazy idea, but I guess you can stay here.” 

He gave you a small smile, “It’s not really like I have a choice.” 

“Not true,” you said, “I could have told you to sleep in the hall.” Josh laughed, bringing a smile to your face. It felt natural, being nice to each other, even after your countless disputes. You thought that maybe this was the way it was always meant to be. 

“You hungry?” He could hear you, despite your voice slightly muffled by your position, rummaging through the fridge. 

“Whatcha got?” His presence was easily felt behind you, and you shuddered, silently blaming the cool air of the refrigerator. 

After a minute of looking, you asked, still turned, “Frozen pizza?” 

His hands were on your hips. “Fine with me, mama.” Why does he keep doing that? 

“O-Okay.” Josh only moved away when you had to put the pizza in the oven. 

“Would you happen to have any clothes I could borrow?” How quickly his voice could change to normal from that teasing tone that left your knees weak astounded you. 

“Uh, yeah, you can take a shower too, if you want,” you weren’t even thinking about the consequences as you spoke. It was just supposed to be a nice, hostly gesture. 

Of course he would turn it on you. “Trying to see me naked, mama?” He had followed you into your bedroom, standing beside you as you searched through your dresser for clothes that would fit him. 

Rather than indulging him in a stuttered answer, you simply pushed a pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt that didn’t quite fit you, but kept for emergencies - such as this. A playful pout crossed his face before you pointed to the bathroom, and then it was replaced with another smirk. 

You had just finished cleaning the counter when a pair of arms trapped you in your spot. Turning around slowly, you breathed heavily of the sight of Josh, void of the shirt you had given him, water still dripping down from his curls onto his shoulders, cascading down his chest. 

It didn’t take long for him to lean into you, his breath hot on the shell of your ear, causing a shiver to run down your spine. 

“Thought you were gonna join me, mama.” It was low, but not quite a whisper. 

For a moment, he had the upper hand, but you remembered he was in your apartment. “Why would I do that? Hm, Joshy?” His face became determined at the recurring nickname. 

“‘Joshy’?” He mocked, “Do you have any idea what you do to me?” 

Trailing a finger down the middle of his chest, you answered, “Fuel the flames of your rage and lust all at once?” 

With a growl that you feel in the tip of your finger, he was lifting you onto the counter and you let out a loud gasp. When his lips met your once more, you hoped it wouldn’t end the same way as the last time. His kiss was so aggressive, but seemed like it was the most amount of passion he could muster, not that you minded. 

“C’mon, mama, open up,” he instructed, guiding two of his fingers into your mouth. 

You sucked on them with fervor you had never displayed before, watery eyes gazing into his, which had darkened to a near-black. When he decided you had done enough, he removed his fingers and moved to pull your jeans down your legs. He moved excruciatingly slow, but you decided to keep your mouth shut, not wanting the moment to end prematurely - again. 

Once he had finally completely removed your pants, he took a moment just to look at you. 

“Look so pretty like that, waiting for me, such a good girl.” In that moment, you didn’t care if he was only nice to you when he wanted to fuck, you could take it. 

Insecurity crept in for only a second before he looked down at your panties, his fingers grazing the lacy red material, and the confidence resurfaced. 

A soft gasp was heard when his fingers finally reached the fabric. “These are absolutely soaked, mama.” 

“Mhm,” you managed to let out, with his fingers so close to your clit, and, you, in desperate need of release. 

Not even bothering to take them off, he simply pushed them to the side, finally allowing contact to be made with your weeping cunt. He started with gentle circular motions around your clit, stopping when he noticed you stifling your moans. 

“Let it out for me, mama, or I’ll stop right now.” That domineering tone elicited a soft moan from you, but he knew you could do better. “Louder.” 

“But, Josh, the neighbors-” 

He cut you off, “I don’t give a fuck, let them hear how good I make you feel.” 

His fingers reconnected with the bundle of nerves, and you obeyed him, figuring you’d deal with the consequences in the morning. In a bold move, you threw your hands around his neck, pulling his lips against yours once again. Josh allowed it, responding to the flames of your passion with a blaze of his own. You were so distracted you almost didn’t notice his fingers leaving your clit - almost. Letting out a small whine, he hummed against your lips, then slowly slid his fingers inside of you. 

“Fuck,” he said, his lips leaving yours, “you’re begging me in, aren’t you, mama?” 

You could only nod, a moan escaping you as his fingers curled. More than anything, you wanted to pull his lips back to yours, if only to savor the moment, but you didn’t mind his alternative as he lowered himself to his knees, fingers only slipping out of you as he manhandled you to slide closer to the edge of the counter. 

Soon enough, his fingers were back inside of your still-throbbing cunt, now working in tandem with his tongue. Laying your head back gently - to avoid hitting the hardwood of the cabinets above you - you let out a borderline pornographic moan.

“So good for me, mama,” Josh spoke, his fingers thrusting at an unrelenting pace, “are you gonna cum for me?”  

Another moan. “Yes, please, Joshy, let me cum!” He hadn’t quite threatened that, but with your previous experience, you didn’t want to take any risks. 

“Such a good little slut for me, begging me to cum, go ahead, mama, cum all over my face,” he directed, and how could you not listen to such a pretty voice saying such beautifully dirty words. With another loud moan and a sharp gasp, the knot in your stomach unclenched, and Josh continued his ministrations, helping you ride out your orgasm. 

Even when he removed his fingers from you, you sat completely still for a minute, attempting to catch your breath. It seemed like only a second before a loud ‘ding’ was heard. 

“Pizza’s ready!” Josh said, a teasing smile on his glistening face.

『taglist』

gvf: @doodle417​ @brokenbellz​

joshy: @prophetofthedune​

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