#well see how bad a choice that was i guess

[ladykailitha]

Icarus Part 9

Hello and welcome back to this wonderful fic! Like I've said before having a set schedule for each story got hard and I've resorted to posting on vibes alone.

This week's vibes are all over the place because of the pain in my elbow. It's getting better but it's taking every ounce of self-control and self-preservation I have not write as many words a day as I can to make up for lost time and slowly work my way back up to my old schedule so I don't re-injure it.

But as I've said, if you want to see a specific work more often, drop me an ask and I'll see what I can do.

Here we have Eddie being a sweetheart and Steve and his friends being dorks.

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8

****

NDAs were such a large part of Steve’s life he couldn’t remember a time he didn’t have them. For everything.

Even producers had to sign them before they could even breathe in the direction of The Fallen in the recording studio.

It was an exhausting but necessary part of his life. Just like the locked room in his apartment.

Shane and Spence had done an amazing job with Steve’s little notebook of song material. And shocker, only two of them were love songs. Most of the rest of the songs were about trying to survive in a world you had to hide.

He knew that a lot of critics would tell them to lose the masks if it bothered them so much, but at this point Steve didn’t care. They were working on their third album in three years and he was fucking tired.

“Again, from the top,” the producer said into the com. “Abbadon you got a little pitchy on the second line. Watch it. Astraeus, you’re coming in too early. It’s duh-ba-ba-dun and then you come in. You’re coming in on the first ba.”

Steve and Shane nodded and they began again.

Steve’s brain thought it was going to melt out of his ears. He had a test for his certification after today’s session in the studio and he was sure all the information would have leaked out by then.

But apparently Steve’s brain went on autopilot taking the test, and not only did he pass, he passed with full marks.

Spence clapped Steve shoulder. “Hey, man if this whole rockstar gig ever falls apart, you should come be an EMT with me.”

Steve grinned back. That wasn’t a bad idea actually. With his lifeguard training and his affinity for thinking well under pressure, it really was the ideal job.

“I might just take you up on that.”

They broke up for the day and as Steve was putting away his guitar his phone rang.

“Hey, Eds,” he greeted.

“Hey, sweetheart,” Eddie replied. “How did your test go?”

“I aced it!” Steve said, bouncing on the tips of his toes in excitement.

“What?” Eddie cried. “Baby, that’s so amazing! We’ll definitely go out tonight and celebrate. But that’s not the reason I’m calling.”

“Oh?” Steve asked.

“How far are you guys into the album?” Eddie asked, hesitantly.

Steve frowned for a moment. He looked over at Spence and Hopper. They had all had a really rough session today and it had become almost grueling in a way that the other two albums never felt.

“Not as far as we’d like,” Steve admitted. If anyone knew what they were going through it was Eddie.

“I’m sorry, babe,” Eddie commiserated. “Would it be better to continue at it or take break touring?”

Steve scratched his cheek thoughtfully. It would be nice to actually take time with the album and not push it out as quickly as possible.

“A break for sure,” Steve murmured. “We’re on our third album in three years, and even though we just got back from a tour, it was less exhausting than being in the studio right now.”

Eddie was silent for a moment. “Have you thought about changing the studio you’re working in? Sometimes a change of scenery can help.”

“I guess we could try,” Steve muttered. “I just didn’t think we had that kind of pull with the record label yet. I’ll call Robin later and see what she can do.”

Eddie hummed in agreement. “So the reason I was asking, babe, is that they have given us a choice of two sets of dates. One that would start at the beginning of the new year and one that would start next summer. And since we’re taking you with us, our management is going to coordinate with yours.”

“Oh.”

Steve wasn’t sure which he would prefer, if he was being honest. “Can I talk to my boys and get back to you on that?”

“Sure thing, Stevie,” Eddie said fondly. “You can tell all about what you guys decided when we meet up for drinks tonight, how does that sound?”

Steve let out a little sigh of relief. “Yeah, that sounds great, Eds. Text me the details.”

“You’ve got it!” Eddie said and then they both said their goodbyes and hang up.

More work, Steve thought mournfully. He didn’t want more work. He was tired and miserable and he should have been happy. The record was liking the album so far, they were about to go on tour with the biggest metal band in the world, he was dating Eddie. Why wasn’t he happy?

He put his head in his hands and forced himself to breathe. He knew that a lot of what he was feeling was being forced to wait when he didn’t want to.

That even if he was out as Abbadon, he couldn’t be out with Eddie. Both of their labels would have literal bitch fits. They could be out to their friends, but as far as the media went, that was off limits. Being bisexual or gay was better now, but it could still tank their careers if they came out with actual same sex partners. Steve’s career especially, new as it was.

Steve let out a low shuddering breath. This whole masked identities shit was tough. He didn’t know how those other bands could handle it. Maybe the difference was that their families knew. He honestly didn’t know.

But he had chosen to walk down this road. When they first started playing and getting turned away by how they looked, they chose to not change themselves, but to become someone else. And it worked and he really couldn’t argue with the results.

Steve loved his job. He loved that he got be in a band with his best friends and that his platonic soulmate was their manager. He loved getting out there on stage and singing his heart out. But it was hard sometimes.

He pulled out his phone and called Robin. “Hey, what are the label’s requirement on getting this album done? Like does it have to be at this studio with this producer?”

“One sec,” Robin said, pulling it up on her computer. She scanned the document complete with searching for key words. “Doesn’t look like it. Why? What’s up?”

“You know how we’ve hit a wall in the studio?” Steve asked around chewing on his thumb.

She scoffed. Of course she knew. “And you’re thinking a change of venue might help or at the very least a new producer?”

“Yeah...” Steve said. “Eddie suggested it, but I wasn’t sure if we had that kind of clout with the record label.”

Robin was quiet on the line, but Steve could feel the cogs in her head turn. “I’ll get on it.”

“Thanks,” he said, breathing out a sigh of relief. “Did Eddie’s label send over the tour dates?”

“Let’s see...” she hummed. “Yup! I’m reading through them... and I’m guessing you to talk with everyone before making a final decision?”

“Right in one,” Steve said. “Preferably with whether or not we get someone else in to produce.”

“You’ve got it, babe,” she said. “Does this have a deadline?”

“Eddie said he would like to know by tonight,” he said, “but I can tell him we’re still working things out and that’s we’ll get back to him.”

“That would be ideal, yes.”

Steve huffed out a laugh. “I’ll still talk to the boys and at least get a feel for what they’re thinking even if we can’t shift producers or studio.”

“Sounds good,” Robin said. “I’ll get back to you as soon as I learn anything.”

He hung up and pulled up the group chat and messaged his friends to meet at his place. He had stuff he wanted to talk with them regarding upcoming tour dates.

Simon and Shane texted back immediately. Spence had left them on read for about fifteen minutes before responding with a question about how long they would be.

And then the ribbing began.

-Oohh...you with that girl?- Shane

-He totally is!!- Simon

-Pics or it didn’t happen- Steve

-Pics!- Simon

-Yeah, man, is she cute?- Shane

-Why do you care, Shane? You’re gay- Spence

-Because like a flower I can appreciate the feminine form, even if I don’t want to fuck it- Shane

Pic comes in of Spence on his couch with a gorgeous dark-skinned woman with soulful eyes and long black hair.

-Meet Nadia

-Lucky guy!- Simon

-That’s quite the flower :P- Shane

-Yeahhh...I’m sorry, man, as much as I would like to let you stay with your lady love, we really need to talk. Business. :(

-I love my job. I love my job. I love my job. I love my job. -Spence

-lol! You keep telling yourself that and maybe one day I’ll believe you- Shane

-GASP! Spence doesn’t love us! :’(- Simon

-Damn it. Fine I love you all- Spence

-Simon uses sad emoji against Spence, it’s super effective! (pokeball emoji)- Steve

-Meet at my place as soon as you can- Steve

There was the usual chorus of affirmative responses and Steve set down his phone.

He looked up at the ceiling as he huffed out a sigh. His friends were on the way, Robin was trying to fix the problem with them hitting a brick wall making their album, and Eddie was supportive.

It helped that Spence was dating now, too. They could commiserate about their love lives.

Simon hated that while he could get girls as Asmodeus but not as himself he swore off dating until he found someone who liked him for him and not just because he was a rock god.

Shane just liked having fun. Wherever that took him. Usually gay bars with lots of booze and dancing.

They weren’t “rich and famous” enough for the wild parties and shit. At least not yet. They were getting a lot traction with their second major album though so that was probably going to change fast.

Steve just glad that he would have Eddie and Robin holding his hand though this.

He looked over at the contract on his table and sighed. Like Spence, he really did love his job. And he knew that there were hundreds of bands wishing to be in his shoes.

He could do this.

He was, after all Abbadon, lead singer of The Fallen and he knew how to do this shit.

****

Tag List:

@mira-jadeamethyst @rozzieroos @itsall-taken @redfreckledwolf @emly03

@spectrum-spectre @estrellami-1 @zerokrox-blog @gregre369 ​@a-little-unsteddie

@chaosgremlinmunson @messrs-weasley @danili666 @chaoticlovingdreamer @maya-custodios-dionach

@val-from-lawrence @goodolefashionedloverboi @i-must-potato @carlyv @wonderland-girl143-blog

@justforthedead89 @vecnuthy @irregular-child @yikes-a-bee @bookbinderbitch

@bookworm0690 @anne-bennett-cosplayer @awkwardgravity1 @littlewildflowerkitten @genderless-spoon

@cinnamon-mushroomabomination @y4r3luv @dragonmama76 @scheodingers-muppet @ellietheasexylibrarian

@thedragonsaunt @useless-nb-bisexual @disrespectedgoatman @eyehartart @dawners

@thespaceantwhowrites @tinyplanet95 @iamthehybrid @croatoan-like-its-hot @papergrenade

@cryptid-system @counting-dollars-counting-stars

#my writing #stranger things #steddie #ladykailtiha writes #rockstar steve harrington #rockstar eddie munson #rockstar au

[greenerteacups]

forever grateful to you for sharing your musings, as if the book writing weren't great enough and hard work enough, you truly spoil us and i love you.

I'm popping in here to ask if you would like to talk about how you see Dumbledore. Sometimes I feel his manipulative side is abused in fanfiction, depicting little more than a heartless chess master.

And well, I guess I'm curious to find out if Lionheart Albus has a heart and will we get to see it. Maybe the more generous glimpses you give us of Snape and his interactions with him will shed some light on his hidden depths? Or will his appearances remain fleeting and enigmatic, always far and above all the little people we do know and adore?

Sorry, I know you can't possibly be completely balanced in your portraying of the whole cast, or they would spread too thin. I am here for the plot, for the Dramione and the Blacks, but I deeply enjoy all the character building (I truly live for all of them, not only our loved ones, I even cherish Warrington with sincere hate and am waiting for his comeuppance ) so I thought I would ask if you wouldn't mind a few comments on our opaque headmaster.

Thank you, friend! You're really kind.

Dumbledore has a relatively minor role in Lionheart for a few reasons — chief among which is, as you point out, that we just don't have time for everybody to get the same level of characterization the mains do. I have plot justifications for that, but it'd be disingenuous to suggest otherwise: Dumbledore's minor because I'm less interested in him than I am in Snape and Narcissa, and Lionheart is much more about Draco's sphere of the world than Harry's. That being said, I think some people forget how small Dumbledore's role is in the original books. He pretty much exists to deliver exposition and tell Harry how to beat the final boss; dude doesn't even get a gesture at a backstory until he's already dead. In fact, it's kinda weird to me that everyone (including a lot of people in the series) treats Dumbledore like he's some kind of guardian for Harry, especially with respect to the decision to keep him at the Dursleys. I know it's set up in the prologue, but if I'm Dumbledore, and I'm catching strays for Vernon Dursley being a piece of shit, I'm gonna be like:

The TLDR on Dumbledore is he's blamed way too much for stuff he doesn't do instead of the stuff he does. People seem to blame him for everything bad that happens to Harry because he's a competent adult in the general vicinity of the kid. But with the possible exception of hiring Lockhart — a bad decision I attribute to Early Installment Weirdness and, just maybe, a certain scarcity of applicants for a position where the last dude Literally Fucking Died — there's not a whole lot of shit that happens to Harry in the first few books Dumbledore could've prevented. Plus, he does in fact have Other Shit to be Doing. Is he a really powerful wizard who probably could've saved Harry's ass in a lot of the fights he gets into? Yes. Does he also have a whole school to run, a secret guerrilla group to direct, a Ministry full of political enemies to placate, and — oh yeah — a snake-faced immortal evil sorcerer he's playing 4D chess with at all times? Yes!

The whole lamb-to-slaughter thing with Harry is admittedly quite dark, but I don't read it as machiavellian. For one, Dumbledore obviously comes to this conclusion after a lot of deliberation, and to his death, he refuses to tell Harry about it, because (one assumes) he never intends to kill Harry himself. He's willing to hinge the fate of the free world on his respect for Harry's autonomy and/or his faith that Harry will make the "right" choice. That's pretty humane, given the circumstances. And he holds off on telling Harry about the horcruxes because... he doesn't want to inform a literal child that he'll eventually have to kill himself for the war effort. Oh, GOD, what a SCHEMING MONSTER. Surely this is motivated by menace, and not the grieving reluctance of a seasoned veteran who wants to preserve whatever few years of happiness this kid can eke out of life.

The areas where Dumbledore is morally shady come out most in his interactions with other adults. His conversation with Severus in 1981, for instance, is the one time in the books where I was legitimately frightened of him, because it's a rare time he's completely without mercy or grace. "What will you give me in return, Severus?" is a character-defining line, because Snape has just told him that two twenty-somethings and their infant child are about to be murdered, and Dumbledore's hit back with the subtextual equivalent of: "Tough shit. Why is it my problem?" Which is COLD AS FUCK! And we can kind of infer that he's not in earnest here, that he's manipulating Severus by making him think Dumbledore won't protect the Potters (even though they're Order members, which this theory requires us to assume Severus doesn't know) so that he can get him to work as a spy — but we don't know that for certain, right? It's all inference. We hope that his implicit threat isn't genuine, but what would happen if Severus said no, and walked away? How much did Albus understand about Snape's feelings for Lily, and what kind of person does it take to bluff like that in front of a known Legilimens? That line is intimidating as fuck whether or not Albus means it.

It's bits like these, where he's talking to people that he actually dislikes, where we get hints of the real Machiavellian Albus Dumbledore, and it's absolutely fascinating. He's the veteran of two wars, going on three when he dies, and you can tell in how he conducts himself. That includes, by the way, his gentility with children and his respect for innocence. But he's not just Good Funny Grandfather Dude or Crafty Mastermind. He's a general. He's been waging wars from the back lines since his twenties. That does something to your brain, and it doesn't leave a lot of you left over for anything else.

#greenteacup asks

[bastetwastaken]

Hi friends ^.^

I've been absent for a while, and there are multiple reasons for that, but long story short- I lost all my writing motivation and any joy I ever had for creating. I worried that it would never come back. I still worry that it won't ever return to the way it used to be but I can happily say that it's not quite as bad now.

Unexpectedly the passion for writing came back yesterday, out of nowhere, just bam, you can write again! So I've been slowly working on the next chapter of Area of Effect and just wanted to share a little piece of it with you. <3 <3

Thank you to those of you who have been supporting me through what has been an honestly awful time, and thank you for your patience.

.............

“What are we playing for?” He asked.

Atem laughed as he handed him a can, sitting down on the floor opposite him. 

“Do you only play when stakes are involved?” Atem asked him. 

“I do when someone questions my abilities.” He huffed. 

“Oh yeah?” Atem smirked, leaning back on his hands as he looked back at him. “Well then, perhaps we should make things more interesting, hm?” 

“I’m keen to hear what you’re thinking.” He said with a smile, taking a sip of the drink he’d been given. 

Atem hummed, looking around the room then back at the board between them. 

“Hang on.” Atem said, pushing himself up onto his hands and knees, crawling a few paces to the shelves against the wall where he began to rummage for something. Yami decided to sip his drink again and try to keep his eyes off Atems ass. He failed. “Ah. Here.” 

Atem returned to his spot opposite him and placed a box of playing cards between them. He looked up at Atem and raised an eyebrow.

“Can you play poker?” Atem asked him. 

“Yeah.” He laughed. “Although it might not be the best choice, I’d hate to take all of your money.” 

Atems lips pulled up into a confident smirk, his eyes held the promise of a challenge and Yami felt his stomach turn in excitement. 

“Oh I wasn’t thinking we’d play for money.” Atem told him. “I was thinking about something else we could both lose…” 

He tilted his head to the side, placing his drink down on the floor next to him. He couldn’t think of anything else they could bet, maybe it was just a matter of pride? Maybe that's all Atem meant. 

“Like what?” He asked. 

“Ever played strip poker?” Atem asked.

Yami almost choked on his own breath, that was something he hadn’t expected to hear at all…but maybe it would be a good idea… he would like to see Atem wearing significantly less than he was right now after all. 

“You’re sure about that?” He said. 

“I am.” Atem smiled at him. “But are you? I’ve been told I’m quite good at this game.” 

“I guess we’ll see about that.” He said with a laugh. “I’m in.” 

“Wonderful.” Atem grinned at him then pushed the board and game pieces to the side that they’d been using previously. He watched as Atem opened the box of cards, tipped them out and shuffled them deftly. 

Atem had clearly done this many times before, and perhaps Yami would have been impressed by the way he moved the cards effortlessly between his hands, how he fanned them out and slid them back together, but no…his mind was firmly in the gutter as he wondered just how those hands would feel on him. 

He cleared his throat awkwardly and took another sip of his drink, although they both knew they were very clearly interested in each other, they hadn’t quite managed to talk about what they wanted from this yet. 

But here they were, about to play strip poker and he was going to lose his mind he was sure. 

Their cards were dealt and the game began. Unexpectedly, he lost the first round. With a sigh, he reached up to his hair, pulling out his hair tie and dropping it to the floor between them. 

He picked up his can and took another sip before he caught the way Atem was looking at him. “What?” He asked as he lowered the can. 

“You do know the rules of this game, right?” Atem asked, eyebrows raised. 

“Of course I do.” He scoffed. “Do you?” 

The noise Atem made was a mix of shock and irritation. “So tell me how a hair tie counts as clothing.” 

He smirked, placing his can on the ground and leaning back on his hands, looking back at Atem, allowing himself just a moment more to enjoy the look on his face. 

“Well clothing is something you wear, right?” He paused, Atem nodded. “And what do you do with a hair tie? You wear it. So I’d say that meets the definition of clothing.” 

There was a moment where Atem said nothing, he just stared at him, then a smile tugged at his lips and he laughed. 

“I knew there was a reason I liked you.” Atem said, shaking his head and chuckling as he shuffled the cards again. “Oh, this is going to be fun.” 

He grinned as Atem dealt the next hand.

...........

Want to read the fic so far? You can on Ao3 ^.^

#monarchshipping #atem #yami #fanfic #ygo dm #fanfiction

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#ok lets not jinx this bc i still have to walk home in the middle of the night but today was a good day i think #or at least better than ive had in a while which is weird bc i woke up and my internet was fucked #so i had to spend basically all day in the lab and thwts why im still here at 8pm lol #but yea i had to clean my apartment on a surface level bc a internet repair person has to come by tomorrow #but yea idk why but i was just kinda in a good mood. tho i did agree to start taking measurements next week #the same measurements that r gonna drive me into the ground and burned me out in the 1st place #my boss was like: how do u feel abt starting next week and i was like: cool cool cool sounds like a plan 😎 #well see how bad a choice that was i guess #but also i finished another application so i just have 1 left to work on and i feel like i have a path forward on at least one #manuscript and its the one i find most interesting so yea well see how it goes. it is very annoying that my internet is out tho lol #now if only i could make this ability to do things last in a way that isnt unmanageable 🤔 #somehow convince myself to actually start things instead of being paralyzed #but whatever ill take wins where i can #unrelated

[alicelufenia]

FINALLY

Now I may actually finish the game lol

... wait that was a bug? Welp, time to update my guide posts instead of continuing into act 3 hahahehehh... *kill me*

#bg3 #minthara baenre #hotfix 21 #can't wait to see what new and exciting bugs they introduced for her this patch! #in fact there already is one #she now breaks up with you if you play as durge and reject Bhaal #not technically a bug but it's such a weird character writing choice it might as well be #I haven't played durge so I have no idea what her opinion of you as a bhaalspawn is #but it seems rather counter to her opinion on gods and their followers and how they reward devotion #will have to see for myself when I redo Alice as durge #who knows maybe I'll want to accept daddy and it won't matter #if not and I'd rather reject #well I guess turmoil in her relationship is the price of redemption for her #will see if this is good or bad but general opinion among the few minthara fans I know here is it's bad

[agueforts]

sometimes i think when some of u talk about gorgug u forget zac isn't white

#aspen tag #it's not like a concrete thing i just get the vibe sometimes #like sometimes ppl phrase things abt his heritage and relationship to his rage #or how he fits with gnomish culture n stuff #in a way that kinda frames it as like..... passive #when there's obviously very deliberate themes being explored #or like. idk. #talk about him in a way that gives the impression they've never thought about it from the perspective of race #i'm having an autism moment or smth and the tone machine is like fully offline rn #but i guess i just don't get how someone could just. not consider it at all #it's not like it's a stretch it's very much like. baked into him #his parents don't understand his rage or how it's a part of him #their house isn't made for someone his size #he shies away from anger because he already knows the world wasn't made to fit him #he spends s1 looking for his bio parents-- people who'd be like him. who he could connect to with this part of himself #digby & wilma don't talk to the rest of their families because they thought adopting gorgug was a bad choice! #their parenting (well-meaning as it may be) is all about redirecting rage #and gorgug's teaching himself not just how to channel it constructively #but how to be comfortable with it at all #because the environment he's in doesn't offer security in expressing it. not for people like him #and so he's learned to control it and distance himself from it #in a way that he has to dismantle to fully engage with his barbarian class #it's just. it's there #i can't convince of a world where someone could look at him and just. not see it #idk how to end this. yeah 👍 #d20

[bunnyb34r]

I need life to slow the fuck down bc my skin is starting to hurt real bad from all this picking :/

#marquilla #i need a healthy coping mechanism but nothing hits like self destruction dgdgdghddg #my brain is hard wired from genetics to pick at my skin and hair on both sides 😭 i was doomed from the start #i do try to not do it btw im not like oh well guess theres no options! like no i know but i need a foolproof one #or for life to fucking chill #every four years i become an over plucked chicken for 10 months and think ab pulling my head hair out bc yall are driving me up the wall #i got into a fight in 2016 ab the election and i nearly started punching... like i had to hit the bed instead bc im like god i cant hurt #them but GOD DO I FEEL THE NEED TO TO GET YOU TO GET IT #i think i like plucked DEEP that day just taking my anger and frustration out bc good lord #like how can you be like hmm well im gonna vote for this guy bc fuck poor people. i work retail and so i see people abusing ebt a lot #therefore it makes me mad and i wanna stop it. #like you only notice the 'fraud' and misuse/bad choices people make bc thats negative in your mind so #your brain holds onto it. youre not noticing the poor people who are just minding their business using ebt and feeding their family #ive gotten through to them at least a little ab how fraud is less than 1% and that the fraud is usually selling stamps for cash for diapers #and shit and that it's people sharing cards bc they need to pool their funds to feed their families #that the people you see stealing or buying expensive ass meats on ebt are not the majority and if they wanna waste their limited funds each #month like that then thats a them problem. mind your business. #anyway im fucking like deteriorating sggdgdggd

[dandyshucks]

okay stressful event done, hopefully i can be calm and normal again starting tomorrow 🙏

everyone put your lucky clovers and horseshoes together for me to hope that I did not get covid because I was the ONLY PERSON IN THE ENTIRE VICINITY WEARING A MASK. OUT OF 200 ISH PEOPLE. FUCK !

#but i wore it and i ignored all the stares and strange looks ppl gave me #i do not want to be further disabled jesus christ please i am hoping against hope I'll be okay #i did not have a choice in the matter of going or not but holy shit it was not worth going even 😭😭 it was so bad fjfkdl #I can't say much abt it bc I'll end up doxxing myself but it was so bad. and i wish i had not gone dbfkdl #also my mother was so mean and saying some random guy was disgusting and meanwhile i was like ummm awooga 👀 #she is so fucking awful and i hate it. he had a bit of a belly sticking out from his shirt bc he was stretching and he had body hair #and um. well. we all know how Normal i am about that sort of guy.... Not Normal At All LMAO #it just makes me feel more affirmed in choosing to not ever share my art w my mother lmfao #she would hate what i draw. and I'm trying not to let that get to me but .... oh well i guess ! #even though i learned at like age 11 that i shouldn't even try to share my creations w her i still yearn for approval or whatever #UMMM LOL WHAT AM I TALKING ABOUT RN OOPS SORRY. I'll go skitter off into the night now DBFJDKL #HOPEFULLY I'LL BE NORMAL TOMORROW BLEASE... also i need to go see what Chase was posting earlier augh #dandy.cmd #vent //

[eggmeralda]

kind of wish my way of coping with morbid things wasn't to expose myself to them until I become desensitised lol

#saw an iceberg for deaths caught on camera and was like. wow there is a LOT of information to look into and take in and none of it #is going to be nice. maybe i should leave and forget I've ever seen this #but no like obviously now i have no choice but to read in depth about every single death on there #bc i know if i ignore it i'll be thinking about it for longer #this was like with threads bc when i first heard a bit about it i was like. that sounds horrible. and i have a dissertation due in a few #weeks so like. i do Not need this on my mind right now #but that didn't do anything so in the end i had to watch it to get it out of my system #and then i guess it sort of worked bc?? now me and threads are besties #fav comfort film of all time. would recommend to everyone #okay not that. but genuinely i forget how bad i felt when i first read about it and now i think about scenes from it like 😐 #is that healthy. probably not. anyway #also at the start of this year i was obsessed with kaylea titford's death and then not long after that shafilea ahmed's as well #that era feels so far away even though it was only like 8 months ago #but like e.g. with the shafilea ahmed thing i'm at the stage now where if it comes into my head i can easily push it away #but i could not do that back in february i literally wouldn't be able to sleep until i'd found out every single bit of information #oh god it's nearly the 20th anniversary of that isn't it #but yeah anyway it's like once you show me something morbid. even just a glimpse of it. that's it there's no going back #i will Not Stop until i know everything there is to know about it. and then it'll be on my mind for weeks until i stop feeling anything #and then i'll forget about it #i remember as kids me and my sister would sometimes see An Image on the unfiltered 2000s internet #like that one pic of the chupacabra that's obviously not real but like as a kid it's terrifying #and my sister's response would've been to close it and never look at it or think about it again #and i remember my parents wouldn't allow me to talk about chupacabras in front of my sister #which waS SO HARD bc my response to it was to hyperfixate #and the image creeped me out so to get rid of it i would look at it like everyday until i didn't feel anything anymore #and then me and the chupacabra image were besties <3 and I'd make jokes about it #idk what the point of this post is I've basically just told the same story three times #and there will soon be a fourth. once i watch this video going through the deaths caught on camera iceberg #which i am not going to do now bc it's 00:35 and if i don't sleep now i never will #ramble

[holyluvr]

Ok. I’ll be nice to people and put the Schizo & Chihuahueño trauma-bonding-projection-comfort-love rant under a cut.

Maybe one of the reasons I like Chihuahuas is because of their misunderstood personified nature along with how often they’re abandoned, euthanized(only dog breed euthanized more is the American Pit Bull Terrier), and mocked reminds me of growing up being paranoid and how people think that they understand it once they read or are told about it yet usually fail to recognize and react mercifully to paranoia when it happens.

Chihuahuas are used as symbolism for anxiety once personified; their homeostasis requires a lot of trembling that we associate with fear, they’re tiny predators from a vast territory that’s dangerous to their proneness for dehydration and that’s always been full of stronger predators, they have to be more vigilant and better at hiding, they’re always on guard and guarding their supplies.

Chihuahua traits are then further misunderstood from a mixture of willful ignorance and genuine human inability to comprehend what they’re seeing. They’re treated without their needs met(can’t say most of them are “raised”)and often punished or forcefully have their boundaries removed consistently when they shouldn’t be, leading to them being “bad dogs”. Because they’re going to stress out and become unstable if they don’t feel safe and secure.

Because the smallest breed accepted into the kennel club association is scared from seeing the world as that large and powerful then hardly has it’s emotional needs met from owners refusing to try to get onto their level, viewing it as a behavioral problem when a pet Chi has strict boundaries or guarding, the bigger issue personification and devaluation of their species happens:

Chihuahuas have bodies shorter than 1ft that can easily sneak and hide where we can’t reach or see, legs that are perfect for them to outmaneuver or charge, and they have canines. While they’re more sensitive to fight/flight-mode so the reason may have different context overall,….a Chihuahua will use those canines just like any other dog, except they jump immediately to kill intent because they aren’t blessed to have the safety of anything lesser dished out.

It’s scary when it’s a Chihuahua because their sense of perceived threat is so large that their charges are desperate. That Chihuahua darted from under the chair his owner was in while snarling at you and snapping his teeth at whatever comes in contact with him like a mad dog because you stepped near his owner and his territory, and he isn’t sure if you’re going to hurt them.

Unlike a larger dog, a Chihuahua is both a predator and a prey animal, a Chi can’t take the chances of letting someone it doesn’t know for fact is safe closer to him or his loved one because to a Chihuahua, being touched by someone they haven’t decided to be loyal to is the same as letting themselves be killed. & unfortunately, people have been proving this irrational fear of theirs kinda true to them by reacting without sympathy or with focus only on their own hurt or disappointment as the human in charge. ♻️ A cycle worsens!

So Chihuahuas are abandoned, killed, then mocked and hated widespread using the very misunderstanding that hurts them and whoever they attack to justify that mistreatment.

Are Chihuahuas bad dogs or little dogs that are born into a big world that doesn’t understand or show patience and grace about it being much more dangerous for them to exist than the larger predators; including their families of humans, cats, and other dogs?

Did my Chihuahua know from senses and instincts that she was the same species as my Border Collie? Did she view herself as a weak and small, scolded failure that should have been like my Border Collie? Do human beliefs and mockeries ever reach them and affect them? Do the Chihuahuas and other “sassy” little dogs that hang around my work know that the 100+lbs dogs everyone fawns over, frolicking with no worries in the world, that keep naively trying to play with them by getting in their face by force are the same species?

Do people remember that they’re the same species and take that into account, how variable one species of mammal can be?

I almost hope to God and all that’s good in the world that people are somehow, despite contradictory evidence and testimony, correct when they hate on Chihuahuas.

I don’t want to think that the dog who grew up with me could have felt confused or wrong by the literal fact that she wasn’t my Border Collie and couldn’t do anything to assert her boundaries in a house with a Collie, multiple cats, and 4 humans.

I hope Chi’s lack the ability to feel alienation, self awareness of their size, comparison to others, injustice, senses to notice the hormones and weird familiarity of other dogs, and love— I really hope it’s true for their sake that they don’t feel that. They’re just bad dogs. It would be a less ugly story if that were true. People wouldn’t have to be uncomfortable with their actions or take responsibility for how they raise and care for vulnerable creatures if that were true.

But I know it’s not fully true, and I know my first 2 dogs were especially important to me and meant a lot to me for comfort because I noticed parallels with how people kept making “jokes” about them while claiming to love them, and how they treated a sick child who had never felt human enough like others, always dehumanized, but still always expected to act like a normal and “good” child, like good kids, normal, like your good sister, like your sister who wasn’t psychologically built all weird and fucked up like you:). psychologically different when it suits them, violent and cruel and unpredictably dangerous as a choice when it suits them, an annoying and pathetic joke with no worth when it suites them, full of potential and fun quirks when it suits them, but why in the world does it become more unpredictable with time treated as a weird, outcasted, “kinda”-animal? Maybe because you’re not treating Chihuahuas with the same basic respect for other dogs. Maybe because you never treated me with the same basic respect as other kids?

I always felt comfort of knowing that, even though Tito and Coco were dogs and didn’t understand the reasoning and senses of humans, even if they didn’t understand that their world was different yet based on the same expectations and needs as large dogs, they were still experiencing a similar mistreatment born out of ignorance and refusal to let go of ignorance and denial in favor of human pride, avoidance of responsibility, convenience/laziness, or fear of admitting to past mistakes/regrets. Or maybe you’re an asshole.

#… #border collies are considered the most intelligent dog breed and trained as such. I agree HOWEVER #is the measurement of IQ fair? what is intelligence? for a dog? and has human bias of saying border collies are the smartest #lead to higher rates of border collies being trained by professionals and thus smarter to humans in large numbers? idk #I wanna see what traits they used and if they included diverse ages and backgrounds and took into account how many border collies are bred #to be working dogs. bc for SOME FUCKING REASON— IDK HOW SCIENCE FAILED IF IT WAS DONE RIGHT #BUT CHIHUAHUA ISNT ON THE HIGH IQ LIST. OK? GUESS WHICH BREED IS THOUGH. AND HIGH UP THERE. #LABRADOR RETRIEVERS AND GOLDEN RETRIEVERS. AND GERMAN SHEPHERDS. I’m sorry I’m not saying they’re lesser I’m just saying I don’t see much #true problem solving and some of the most wild mistakes and bad choices and huge problems caused by them Not Thinking But Good Intents!😀👍💀💖 #most of the high IQ list is working dogs. and many aren’t skilled at problem solving unless trained well and early so is IQ just still… #‘easiest to control/make how we want them’??? 🤦🏻 I know it’s not a good tool in general but my prob is how it’s still used as major. #anyway this was about stpd/schizo and my attachment to chihuahuas partially

[paladincecil]

Playing persona 3 atm and it just hit me that the later persona games are about getting a good grade in being social, something that is both normal to want and possible to achieve

#Make enough friends and you can become strong enough to kill a god or whatever the big bad is gonna be in this game #I'm gonna guess it's some kinda god still #Maybe 1 and 2 are as well but I don't really know much about them. I think I remember seeing 3 was the first to have social links though? #I've got both of those downloaded as well so I can always play them if I end up feeling like it #I'm just about to get to the 2nd full moon and maybe get through it in the next 90 minutes depending how long it is #I'm being cheeky and using the emulators speed up function quite a bit to make the loading and walking around go faster :P #and HEAVILY abusing save states to get what I want from shuffle time xD #I do not regret my choices cuz I know if I didn't have the option to do it I would just quit the game for the 6th time

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#stumbling through one moment to the next like ive just been hit in the face #which is to say disoriented. punch drunk. adrift in a sea of mental vertigo #to steal a phrase: emotional motion sickness #i dunno. its just a very specific feeling when ive burned thru all my steam and am moving purely on compulsive action #like someones dragging me forward by the hair. i start to peel apart. im moving but without thinking actions into being #ill be in the middle of an action and my brain catches up. oh? where am i? what am i doing? ok i guess im on autopilot #thats fine i guess. and i start slipping out of my body. which isnt so bad until im trying to draw and then i cant bc my attention keeps #sliding away. i cant draw when im not sitting in my body. #im in the 3 day lul between taking measurements. this is my break. i say as i stay here from 7.30 to 5.30 bc of the other things i have to #do. and i haven't got the data ready for a meeting tomorrow so fuck the rest of my day i guess #ugh. i at least accomplished some things yesterday. but im in a standoff between saying fuck it and paying for an apartment vs waiting to b #contacted by student housing when there's currently a waitlist. i just wanna kno i have a place to go #also ive fucked myself over on another thing i havent done and dont kno how to start. uuuuuugh. #when i take my headphones off my brain has a lag that sounds like static and whispers #y am i doing this to myself? given the choice to make it better or worse i choose worse at each turn #so here we r. worse and worse and worse. have i fucked it all up? maybe so. well see #i have to go in tomorrow too. and i have a meeting Thursday. and thrn were back to 11hr days until Tuesday #then if i have to attend a birthday party my head might fucking explode #unrelated

[be-good-to-bugs]

UGH why does eating always make me feel like throwing up :/ that is the opposite of what i want

#the bin #i feel less bad todaynthan i usually do. i think. but physically my body feels terrible. i am also still super stressed and sad but. i dont #feel as utterly horrible as i usually do so thats good i guess. i wish i could turn it into something productive but thats fine #i mostly wishbthat i could being myslef to do something fun like watch something or whatever but my brain still says no #and i wishbi could draw but my brain says no to that too #well. i can probably actually afford some weed after all bc itll peobs mostky be gas i gotta pay for for thw trip so #idk when ill see my sister next but ill have to fully figure this out then. and i gotta measure the inside of her boyfriends car so i can #know how much i can pack. i can also probably afford to get the things i wanted for my siblings from here before i leave. maybe. #gas will be a lot but they still owe me $300 so that helps a lot. i should be able to afford the trip fine. im really sad i have to leave #most of my stuff though. i dont trust my sister with it. but i dont have a choice so whatever. ill just have to deal. #well. im glad i dont feel so empty and horrible now. i hope it lasts and i can do something with it. its probs bc i had a meltdown honestly #ive felt like maybe thats what ive been needing to feel better. things still suck but i feel marginally better #usually i try talking to my mom just to get an ounch of social interaction and also i can complain abt stuff to her and she doenst tell #anyone. she has issues but shes pretty good about my privacy i think because shes scared id stop talking ti her if she broke that trust #which is true. i would probably stop talking to her. that was originally the plan before she stopled being such a bad mom anyway so #but idk. i havnet talked to her since she asked if i was coming to the funeral and i said no. she wasnt mad at me or anything but i havent #talke to her about non dad dying related stuff in a bit so. i shouod tho. im moving and i need to find out when a good time for that is. #and make sure she knows around what time i had been planning. and i need to know if she got an update about some stuff too. #also helath insurance stuff. im assuming she didnt end up getting a chnace to add me yet considering what happned. shes been busy #but my tooth pain has gotten even worse this past week so id like to see a dentist in june if possible bc god this thing hurts so bad

[ode2rin]

new boyfriend rin would never ever, under any circumstance, admit that he likes the pet names you call him. well… unless you would stop doing it. (also me pushing the bffs to lovers pipeline)

You must be upset with him, Rin is convinced so. It’s the only logical and sensible explanation behind this unusual behavior. 

And he's going mad about it. Itoshi Rin is going mad any second now if he can't get to the bottom of this, he’s certainly convinced.

Every instinct screamed that your recent behavior was a reaction to something he'd done, but what? Was it the late replies to your text messages? No, you knew he was at practice and you told him you didn’t mind. Was it about the souvenir he brought back home to you from Paris? Sure, you teased him about its impracticality, but nothing that warranted this icy distance.

Or maybe it was something he said now? It must be, right? Everything boils down to his reckless poor choice of words, he supposes.

Slowly, Rin approached you by the couch you’re seated in. With your attention preoccupied by the selection of shows you’re browsing, you settled on looking at him briefly through your peripheral vision. Amused by how he’s slightly tiptoeing around, you let out a half-suppressed laugh to yourself. 

He looks like a cat sometimes, you thought from the sight. And acts like one too. Like a big black cat who would hiss at you if you looked at him funny, or one that would bite your hand if you stopped petting him to sleep. Funny how Rin could be like that too.

The moment Rin settles into the plush comfort of the couch, he gazes at you through lowered lashes, trying to read the play of emotions on your face, if there’s any. 

There’s nothing worth noting, and he doesn’t know if that should assure or bother him.

“Are we… alright?” he drawled.

What the fuck. He did not just sound like that. 

He did not just ask that and sounded like an anxious pathetic wet cat who just had a new home waiting for its owner’s permission over anything (highly specific because he’s a bit dramatic). Just what kind of loser have you reduced him into, really.

Oblivious of the internal turmoil in Rin’s mind, you turn to him, “Hmm? Yeah? Why’d you ask?”

“Nothing,” he grumbled. It’s enough that he already humiliated himself for the way he asked if the two of you were cool— doing it again by exposing himself that he thinks you’re mad plainly because he hadn’t heard you call him a pet name (like you always do) would be mortification in its final form.

“Okay, Rin.”

That’s it. This needs to end. Forget humiliation. He would rather choose to feel pathetic over any day than continue with this charade.

“Are you mad at me?” 

“Why would you think that?” you asked back instantly, shocked and extremely confused because of your boyfriend’s question. You’re literally just looking for a movie the two of you can watch— how is that any indication of being mad at him?

“Just answer the question,” he fumed, impatience settling on the furrow of his brows.

You said in the beginning of your relationship that you didn’t appreciate the silent treatment and guessing games, so don’t you think it’s hypocritical of you to do the same to him? (You’re not, but he just doesn’t know that.)

“I’m not mad at you, Rin.”

“You so are!” 

“I am not! But you, yelling and instigating it are making me right now!” you countered, voice hinted with irritation, “What is your problem, Rin?”

There it is again. Rin rose from the couch to face your sitting form, as if standing would better prove his point. “See? You’re calling me Rin!” he blurted.

“Well, maybe because it’s your name?!”

“Not to you, it’s not!”

A beat of surprised silence. Until your lips grew to such a wide smile that made Rin physically feel his heart melting. 

Yet, in Rin’s true fashion, he’ll never let you know how much air you knock out of him because of your beaming smile. Instead, he’ll say something along the snarky lines of, “Stop smiling like that.”

“Did my big bad grumpy Rinnie here thought we’re on a fight because I hadn’t call him baby?” you ask, purposely stressing out the words to disarm him more.

With a feigned exasperation, he comments, “I forgot how annoying you are.” 

“And I forgot how childish you can get sometimes,” you countered.

“I’m not childish.”

“You don’t mind me calling you Rin then?”

Rin rolled his eyes at you, but you know better than to put meaning to it. He lowered himself onto the couch beside you. With a swift tug, Rin pulled you closer, closing the distance between you effortlessly. His arm found its way around your waist, drawing you snugly against his chest.

“But I don’t see why you need to…” Maybe he could be a bit childish.

“I thought you didn’t like it,” you shyly muttered, drawing shapes in his arm. “The pet names, I mean,” you clarified, sensing the confused look he’s probably giving you behind.

“What the hell are you talking about?” He is baby. He is Rinnie. Fucking hell, that’s so loser of him to even voice it out in his own mind. 

“What? You call me by my name!” you defensively pointed out.

“Doesn’t mean I don’t like your nicknames of me,” he mumbled, the words barely audible.

The pet names— they were more than what they served. It was important to him more than what he would admit. 

They were a secret language, a way you marked him as yours. A reminder that he wasn't just Rin anymore— just your friend.

He was now something more, something special.

A ghost of a smile tugged at the corner of his lips. “Besides… I love your name,” he whispered, his voice velvet against your hair.

It’s tender— no, it makes him tender. Saying your name has been the softest, kindest, and most tender way he’s used his words for. 

Maybe it’s a little pathetic, feeling this undone by a name. But then it’s you. 

It was your name— a name he could whisper with adoration, a name that belonged only to him to claim. 

You melt to his words, leaning deeper into his chest. A contented sigh escaped your lips, the sound swallowed by the warmth of his embrace.

Looking up at him, your eyes held a softness he often found himself getting lost in, “I love your name too, but I also like calling you pet names. Is it okay?”

“Whatever you decide.” He’s yours, either way.

note. this is basically rin being "my nameeee is whatever you decideeeee and i'm just gonna call you mineeee i'm insane but i'm your baby!!!!" yeah that song basically.

#☁️ my ode to you #i have more drabbles like this i am fucking insane about him #itoshi rin x reader #itoshi rin #itoshi rin fluff #itoshi rin x y/n #blue lock x reader #blue lock imagines #blue lock fluff #bllk x reader #bllk imagines #rin itoshi x reader #rin itoshi

[atlabeth]

pretty boy

pairing: spencer reid x reader

summary: spencer walks in one day with a new look. you handle it pretty well.

a/n: im in the opposite of a writing slump right now (will prob fall into a writing slump right after i say this) probably because im procrastinating on essays for school and i can only write when im meant to be doing work. but tiny little fluffy spencer one shots are very good for the soul right now. i think it's my way of healing from my hotch fic

wc: 1.8k

warning(s): one slightly sexual joke from emily. all fluff

You usually don’t get to the office this early, but you don’t exactly have a choice. The BAU’s last couple cases have all run one after another, barely leaving you any time in the office, and now you’re paying for it. 

You’ve got a mountain of paperwork to get through and not nearly enough time to do it all—if you’re lucky, you’ll be writing reports for a few days straight. If you’re not, you’ll be putting in some overtime.  

“This is the most focused I’ve ever seen you this early,” Derek comments. 

You shake your head with a sigh. “These reports are government mandated torture.” 

He chuckles, and he nods at Emily as she walks over to her desk. “Are you this busy?” 

She shakes her head. “I’ve still got a report to get through, but nothing that bad.” 

“I get it,” you say wryly. “You’re all more organized than me. Just don’t come to me asking to go out tonight—you know I can’t say no.” 

“But don’t shots taste better when you’re supposed to be doing work?” Derek asks, and you roll your eyes with a laugh. 

“Not when I’ve got this much work I’m supposed to be doing.” 

You hear the elevator ding and glance up—Spencer’s walking through and fixing his tie. You look back down at your report as you greet him. 

“Hey, Spence,” you call. “Why’re you late?” 

“I’m not late,” he says, and you can see him checking his watch out of your peripherals. “I’m two minutes and thirty-three seconds early.” 

“Really?” you muse. “I guess I’m just so used to you being here before me.” 

“You can’t judge my timeliness on yours when you’ve been here for an hour already,” Spencer says. 

You frown, tapping your pen against the paper. “How do you know?” 

“You’re settled in already. Your coat’s on your chair, your stack of unfinished files is smaller than it was last time we were in the office, your coffee isn’t steaming, and your mug has a chipped handle—when they were put away last night, that one was set in the front, so you’d have to be here early to get it.” 

“Touche,” you murmur. You’re not sure why you ever ask your team of profilers how they know something. 

“You also look like you don’t want to be here,” he comments. “That’s pretty typical of agents who have to be here before their regular hours.” 

You chuckle and tilt your head in admission. You don’t really want to be here, especially running on so few hours of sleep. 

“Why aren’t you as early as usual?” Emily asks. 

“My neighbor knocked on my door this morning to ask me for something,” Spencer says. “It threw off my whole routine. I picked the wrong tie, I couldn’t pack my bag properly, and I had to toast my bagel for two minutes instead of three and a half to make it out in time.” 

“How terrible,” Derek says with mock austerity. 

“It is terrible!” he exclaims. “It’s scientifically proven that a morning routine makes you happier, more energized, and ready to seize the day—carpe diem.” Spencer sets his bag on the floor next to his desk and looks at everyone else with a smile. “Did you know that phrase was actually coined by the Roman poet Horace in his Odes? It comes from the first book out of four in the eleventh poem—the full phrase in Latin is carpe diem, quam mini—”

“How was your bagel?” Emily asks to interrupt him, and he pauses. 

“It was good,” he says. “Could’ve been toastier.” 

You look up, a teasing remark on the edge of your tongue, but the words die in your throat when you actually see him. 

Spencer’s started combing a hand through his hair to fix it—must have been another part of his affected morning routine—his lips set in a pout as he tries to see his reflection in his dark monitor. He always looks good, even without trying, but now—

“You’re wearing glasses,” you say dumbly. 

“My contacts dried out,” he grumbles, still focused on his hair. “We got home so late last night I forgot to put them in their solution, and I had no time to fix them because my neighbor messed up my whole morning.” 

You nod, still unable to tear your eyes away from him. “Are you gonna keep wearing them?” 

“I don’t know. Contacts are better for cases because I’m not worried about them falling off or fogging up, but I usually sleep on the jet on the way back, and sleeping with contacts in isn’t good.” He smiles a bit as he fully turns to you, seemingly satisfied with his hair. “It reduces the amount of oxygen that gets to your cornea, which damages the cornea’s surface and makes it harder to regenerate new cells. Sleeping with contacts actually makes you six to eight times more likely to get an eye infection.”

You nod again, your brain still not quite working at full power. You always love listening to Spencer’s fact dumps—it gives you a lot of material to impress your non-BAU friends with on the side, and you’re eternally thankful for that—but right now, you seriously cannot focus. 

You’d never really thought about him in glasses, but that’s probably a good thing if this is how it makes you feel. 

You were valedictorian as an undergrad, and you received stellar feedback from your professors during your masters program. You’re an excellent profiler, a valued member of the BAU, and you’re a goddamn FBI agent. 

And yet you can’t find a single thought in your head because your coworker showed up to work wearing glasses. 

He’s still rambling about other common causes of eye infection and how nobody seems to take them as seriously as they should, when Derek, not even trying to hide his grin at your turmoil, speaks up.  

“Reid. Wanna cool it a bit?” 

Spencer’s eyes dart over to him for a moment before he stops. “Uh— sorry.” He frowns as he looks back at you. “Why do you ask? Do you not like them?” 

“No,” you blurt out, and you shake your head a multitude of times. “No. They look great. You look great. They’re—” You dig your nails hard into your palm as you try your hardest to smile like normal, and this time you nod. “They’re good, Spence.” 

“Thanks.” Spencer does that little smile-nod combo of his, and he pushes his glasses back into place with his thumb by the bottom of the frames. “That’s nice to know I’ve got another option.” 

You thank whatever god may be out there that Hotch and Penelope are busy in their offices and JJ is busy with some other case, because you think you would die if anyone else saw you like this. 

“Hey, Reid,” Emily says, also not doing a very good job of hiding her amusement. You hate your team sometimes. “They’re almost out of sugar in the breakroom. If you want coffee the way you like it this morning, you should probably get in there.” 

“What?” Spencer shoots up, his brows already furrowing into a frown. “That— that’s ridiculous. I can’t mess up my morning any more.” 

“You’d better get in there, then,” she remarks. 

“We’re an entire office of agents running on coffee,” Spencer complains as he starts walking. “How are we almost out of sugar?” 

“Because half of ‘em drink it black,” Derek says, and Spencer shakes his head with a sigh as he leaves. 

“That’s ridiculous.” 

You bury your head in your hands the moment he’s gone and Derek laughs. “I wish I could’ve gotten that on video.” 

“Don’t talk to me,” you groan. “It is not fair of him to walk in like that.” 

“And that is why I call him pretty boy.”

“He needs them to see,” Emily says with amusement as she leans against the side of your desk. “You just can’t control yourself.” 

“I need to transfer offices,” you say, shaking your head. “I can’t do this.” 

“You should ask him out!” Derek encourages. “He’d probably say yes.” 

“Absolutely not,” you insist. “I doubt he likes me like that. A— and even if he does, that’s the last thing either of us need right now.” 

“I don’t know,” Emily muses. “It looks like you clearly need something.” 

You let out a frustrated noise as you screw your eyes shut. “I’m doomed.” 

You hear Spencer say your name, and when you look over at him, one hand still pressed against your head, you see he’s got two cups of coffee in his hands. “Are you okay?” 

“Yeah,” you say weakly. “I’m great. Why?” 

“I got you one too,” he says, holding one of the mugs out to you. “The one you have is probably cold by now, and it looks like you need an extra kick to get through all those reports.” 

“Thanks, Spence. That’s sweet.” He nods as you take the proffered mug, and you swear your cheeks are as warm as the coffee. He is really testing your strength today. 

“You— you have a lot,” he says, and you huff a dry laugh and nod. “I’m not trying to be sarcastic. I could take half of them if you want?” 

Your grip tightens on the mug and you can feel Derek’s eyes on you. “I couldn’t make you do that, Spence.” 

“You’re not!” Spencer exclaims. “I can get through mine really quickly—we worked together for almost the whole last case so I can do all of that anyways.” 

“...You’re sure it wouldn’t be an imposition?” 

“I’m sure,” he nods. “Besides, I offered. I wouldn’t if I didn’t want to.” 

And god damn him, because he nudges his glasses back into place again, pushes a strand of loose hair back into place. You’re dying over here. 

You set the mug of coffee on your desk and pick up the top half of your pile. “All yours, Spence.” 

He takes the bottom half and smiles at you, and you smile back before he walks back to his desk. You are dying over here. 

“Let me know how I can pay you back,” you say, and he shakes his head. 

“You don’t need to pay me back.” 

“Really?” 

Spencer nods. “I mean, Morgan invited us all out on the jet last night, and I don’t think I can do it alone. If you can get out of the office in time, I don’t have to. I think that's enough of a payback.” 

“Yeah,” you say. “I’ll be there.” 

He smiles again and nods, then he picks up a pen and focuses in. You turn back to your desk, your face burning. 

“What was that about him not liking you like that?” Derek says. 

“Quiet!” you whisper-yell, swatting him with the pile of files in your hand. “He might hear you!” 

“He’s not hearing anything while he’s focused on that,” he says. “That just means you can ogle him more.” 

You groan again, letting your forehead fall into your palm. “I’m pathetic.” 

“I think you’re right.” Emily chuckles as she stands up. “You are doomed.” 

#spencer reid x reader #spencer reid x you #spencer reid fic #spencer reid fanfiction #spencer reid fluff #criminal minds x reader #criminal minds fluff #x reader #sadie writes

[mahgyu]

Thinking about Toji, who only realizes what he truly feels for you when he sees you happy with someone else.

Toji used to tell himself that you were just another woman he used for sex and nothing more. However, weeks turned into months, and even though he kept saying that you weren't anything special in his life, the situation was actually completely different.

You already spent more time in his small apartment than in your own. When he woke up in the morning, it wasn't with Megumi poking and asking him to prepare breakfast anymore, because you promptly woke up before to do it. You did so much for them and never expected anything in return.

Speaking of Megumi, he also began to develop a strong bond with you. You always played together, watched movies, and you even helped with homework when you could. Megumi always looked at you with admiration, as if you were the mother figure he didn't even realize he needed. Toji might have displayed the facade of an unshakable man, but deep down, only he knew how much witnessing these domestic moments affected him.

But, in a way, Toji felt inadequate for you. He was just a troubled single father trying to stay alive, with a questionable job and a life that felt more like a rollercoaster. He looked at you and saw an incredible woman, full of life and potential, while he saw himself as someone who would only hold you back. You deserved more than just sex and a miserable life beside him.

Toji tried to end things by acting like a bad guy, a personality he always portrays to everyone but never before to you, behaving like a jerk so that you would hate him and feel nothing for him but contempt. He was cold, distant, and even cruel in his words. He knew he was hurting you, but it was the simplest way out.

He saw the pain in your eyes when you finally accepted his words and distanced yourself, leaving him alone with his regret and loneliness. Deep down, he hoped you would find someone better, someone who could give you everything he couldn't.

But as time passed, the pain of separation only grew in Toji. He tried to fill the void with more work, giving more attention to Megumi, who didn't make things easier by constantly asking why you had abandoned them. He even sought out other women for sexual satisfaction, but it didn't help. They weren't you; nothing could take you out of Toji's mind. He constantly wondered if he had made the right choice, if he had done what was best for both of them.

Months later, Toji saw you from afar, leaving a coffee shop, happy with another man. In one hand, a bouquet of your favorite flowers, and beside you, a well-dressed man, with neatly combed blond hair and a serene expression on his face as he briefly sealed his lips on yours. Toji's heart clenched in a way he had never felt before. Seeing you smiling and radiant beside someone else made Toji realize how foolish he had been. He realized he had let slip away the best thing that had ever happened to him, all because of stubbornness and egocentrism.

At that moment, Toji realized that you were everything he had ever wanted, and that he had made the biggest mistake of his life by letting you go. He wished he could turn back time and fix his choices, but he knew he couldn't. All that was left for him was regret and the memory of the love he let slip away. He would never forgive himself.

I'll give a gift to whoever can guess who the other man I described at the end is ᵔ⤙ᵔ

I haven't fixed it yet so sorry for any mistakes.

ㅤㅤㅤ

#toji x reader #toji x f!reader #toji x female reader #jjk x reader #jujutsu kaisen x reader #toji angst #jjk angst #jujutsu kaisen angst #toji fushigro x reader #jujutsu kaisen imagines #toji imagine #jujutsu kaisen x you #jjk x you #jujutsu kaisen x female reader #jjk x fem!reader #jjk fanfic #jujutsu kaisen fanfic #toji fushiguro #jjk toji #toji x you #jujutsu kaisen #jjk #toji fushiguro angst #toji jjk #toji jujutsu kaisen #jujutsu kaisen toji #jjk toji fushiguro #fanfic jjk