#welcome to the part of the show where i project MY mental illness onto YOUR faves

[ringomom]

Idk about posting this to Ao3 its the most self indulgent unplanned venting nonsense you could imagine lmao

Ryuya/Ringo/Reiji, WARNINGS: blood, minor injury, ANXIETY TALK 

He’s felt off all day.

(Waking up at 5am he curls himself into Reiji’s ghost, burying himself in the smell of whatever makes Reiji’s hair swoop like that. He wants to touch it. So bad his fingertips almost tingle. He clutches at his own nightdress instead.  When he manages to haul himself out of bed and slap his feet across the bathroom linoleum, it takes twice as long as usual to apply half as much makeup. In retrospect he should have seen the signs. )

Ringo sighs and stares at his reflection in the shitty studio bathroom mirror. Words he only half recognises swirl at the corners of his vision. When did it get so loud? 

(He flinches away from the car radio when Ryuya flicks it on. Ringo means to say something. Means to make some joke about the station and turn it off himself. But it’s not even his car is it? So instead he curls his hand around his textured purse handle and rapidly bounces his foot until he forgets it’s happening. ) 

For a second he thinks about screaming. Maybe he could get louder than the hum and scare it off? It’s never worked before but maybe this time? Ringo feels his mouth drop open by itself -maybe to scream- All that slips out is a yawn, coaxing tears to spring up like daisies. He blinks them back in, doesn’t think he can manage to reapply his eye makeup with his hands trembling like they are.

( Haruka gives him a Look™ from across the room and he pretends not to notice. Just flops down on the couch and rests the shaky script on the cushion beside him. A little roughly, he stuffs his hands into the pockets of the leather jacket he’s wearing. He borrowed it from Ryuya last week and the too-rapidly fading, rubbed-in smell of his cologne is barely doing anything for Ringo’s nerves. He can’t smell Reiji’s shampoo through his wig. He wishes he’d dared to use his soap too, but he’s got a shoot today and can’t walk around smelling of anything less “feminine” than a mid-range floral perfume. Ringo crosses his legs and returns to reading lines with Otoya, over-dramatically apologising for being distracted “ah sorry Oto~ I guess I stayed up too late again! It’s tough being so popular you know?” He says with a wink. )

Ringo drops his phone the second he works it free from his purse. It clatters too loudly to the floor. Ringo looks at it. Sat there on the ground. That’s where it should be. Where he should be. Maybe if he just lies down beside it that would be okay. Someone would find him eventually right? Maybe Ryuya would get worried after a few days. Would Reiji notice if he doesn’t greet him at the train station? He’s probably just annoying and overbearing when he does that anyway. Ha. Some distant-sounding part of Ringo’s brain laughs. He’s being stupid. He always is. The HIDEOUS sound of his phone vibrating against the tiles is not only enough to shake him from his thoughts but it sends him physically falling back against the sink. Wobbling legs finally give way and his knees smash down, hard, into the floor, Ringo barks out a pained sob. His brain is laughing at him again. 

(When he arrives on set he’s ushered into makeup “Tsukimiya! Did you sleep late! You’re usually so ready!” Ringo’s just about ready to cry at that point. “Oh! Don’t worry though! It’s actually good you didn’t go too far, since we have a bold look today!” The lady is so nice and she winks at him so pretty, he forces himself to smile, for her sake.  It’s too bright in the studio, there’s too many staff members running around with equipment too expensive and breakable and Ringo just wants to bring his knees up to his chest and hide from it all. The touch of brushes against his face makes him want to tear it off.)

Ringo manages to shift onto his backside and inspect the ladder in his tights; the gaps slowly filling in with red. He kicks off his heels and curls into his legs. Blood manages to pool enough that it runs a tiny river down the tan fabric and Ringo watches, satisfied as it runs out of energy and congeals in a pretty little droplet just above his ankle. It got quieter. He lets out a breath. Cautiously he glides his fingers towards his battered phone, as though it could turn and bite down on his hand any second. It doesn’t. Obviously. But he almost chucks it again when he sees Reiji’s name on the screen.

 [Rin, it’s during work I know. I still wanted to check, after calling last night, I just couldn’t shake the feeling… Are you doing alright?]

Tears are bubbling up and spilling down his face before he even finishes reading. Ringo’s face contorts into a cruel little grin. “I’m really being an idiot aren’t I?” He speaks for what feels like the first time in hours and it comes out all low and scratchy, as foreign sounding as it feels. “Worrying him… You couldn’t even pretend for a day. Some actor huh.” He grins wider, but it twists into something Not Right all the same. Too-hard presses against the screen channel spite as he taps out his weak response.

{I’m fine. Don’t worry.} 

A part of him hopes it sounds too harsh. A cruel little test to prove to his anxiety that it’s wrong. That it’s right, like always. Reiji doesn’t deserve it.  Ringo tucks the phone underneath himself and brings his legs up to rest his head on his knees. 

(He makes it most of the way through the shoot before he has to excuse himself to the bathroom, “It’s too hot. Sorry. I have to cool off. Can I borrow the bathroom?”) 

Ringo doesn’t know how long he spends staring blankly at the stall in front of him, he registers that his butt is getting numb, then painful but he can’t bring himself to care. It’s quiet in here at least. Mumbled affirmations are enough to placate the assistant who comes and hesitantly knocks on the door, asking if he wants in on a coffee order.

The next thing he knows Ryuya is here. Crouching in front of him.

“Ringo…” 

Said boy flinches. “Hey Ryu.” He manages a weak little smile and looks vaguely towards Ryuya’s face. He looks worried. Ha. 

“Why did you let it get this far?” Running his fingers through his hair, Ryuya sighs towards the ceiling, and Ringo’s not entirely sure who he’s talking to. The sound of water comes, (loud) then Ryuya’s pressing his wet handkerchief against him, tracing the length of Ringo’s leg. Ringo has the presence of mind to be embarrassed, having his wounds treated like a child… But he’s also bitterly glad of the attention.  “Come on. Here.” Pressure against his hands, where Ryuya is folding his fingers around a silky tie. It’s Ryuya’s. Ringo confirms it by looking up at his open shirt, but he already recognises the design, and the warmth of it. Nuzzling into the fabric, he inhales deeply. 

Ringo blinks a few times before he can really focus on Ryuya’s face. Ryuya smiles. “There you are.”

“How did you…?” 

Ryuya’s gruff little laugh is a life raft. The gentle mock-hit he lands on Ringo’s head is the best comforter he could ask for. “You really thought you could lie to Reiji of all people?” Blood rushes to blossom against his cheeks because Ringo suddenly feels RIDICULOUS. Of course, of course Reiji would know. Of course he’d tell Ryu. Of course Ryu would drop everything for him. The mean part of his brain tells him he’s being a burden, but now he can drown that out by pulling Ryuya closer and breathing in the crook of his neck. 

“Alright. Let’s get up from this dirty bathroom floor. Goblin.”  

Ryuya helps him up, it shouldn’t be hard but he ignored when his legs went dead and they don’t work great, then there’s the sting in his knees as they straighten. Ryuya forms a wall between Ringo and the rest of the world and Ringo barely registers Ryuya’s excuses to the crew “I’m afraid Tsukimiya won’t be able to continue today, he’s feeling unwell.” And he waves meekly at them as they gasp and bark their well-wishes at him as he leaves. Is it too much to need this? He’s a grown man he should be able to look after himself.

Ryuya drops him into the passenger seat of his car. Ringo slaps at the hands trying to fasten his seatbelt “I’m not a child thank you.” Ryuya rolls his eyes, but relents. When he gets in his side he’s on the phone. It doesn’t take long to guess who he’s speaking to.

“Yes. I know. I’ll drop by on the way. Green blanket, okay. He’ll like that. I will. Hold on-“ Ryuya stops when Ringo tugs on the side of his jacket. 

“Tell him thank you.”

“He says thank you. Yeah. I know.”

“And that I love him…” Ringo mutters. “…And you, Ryu.” Curling in on himself again. At least this time he’s warm, and despite his head still screaming with 100 thoughts per second, his chest feels full. Tears softly roll down his cheeks, exhausted and hollow, he lets them.

When he wakes up it’s dark, but it’s so warm. Sandwiched between Ryuya and what must be half of Reiji’s bedding. The light from the TV blankets his living room in an ethereal light, and it seems fitting, for the bittersweet feeling in his throat. Ryuya snuffles and pulls him a little closer. Ringo smiles softly and shoves his face into Reiji’s duvet. Everything is okay again.

#welcome to the part of the show where i project MY mental illness onto YOUR faves #i need to get better than starting every sentence with 'HE' #my writing?

[ricksroaches]

Jungkook - Dysphoria ch. 1

pairing: Yoongi x Reader, OT7 x Reader (platonic)

summary: Jungkook, a burnt out gifted student, comes home from summer camp not ready to start his sophomore year of highschool, but his friends are there to help him feel better. Although not in the best of ways.

notes: This is a Euphoria-ish au but mostly it's just heavily inspired by the show (I use a few quotes), and each chapter is based on a character. There's a few parts where I cue a song title that's because I made a soundtrack to listen to while reading but I deleted it a while ago so :( if you feel like it listen to the ones I did write down. I'm apologizing now bc my writing can be a bit choppy/rushed its just cuz i have a more drabble-like style and don't know how to write between big scenes. THIS IS A DARK FIC. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED. Hope you enjoy and sorry for this big ass paragraph.

word count: 3.9k

warnings: ass-load of angst, mental illness (depression, anxiety, bipolar, OCD, and probably more), drugs (all of them. just all of them), underage drinking, cursing, mentions of self-harm

Next chapter

[Slideshow - Labrinth]

When Jungkook was 5, he wanted to be an astronaut. He wanted to fly into the sky and zip around space exploring things never before seen. His little mind was so strong, wanting to learn anything and everything. When he first learned how to read, he would read every sign he passed in the car and play games with the letters he’d find. It wasn’t long before he was placed in advanced classes with kids he'd never seen before and for the first time in his academic career, he was challenged.

When Jungkook was 10, he wanted to be a doctor. He wanted to wear a white coat and glasses and race around a hospital busy saving lives everyday. He wanted people to look to him for advice and treat him with respect. He wanted to feel needed.

When Jungkook was 14, he wanted to be a paramedic. He didn’t think he’d be smart enough to become a doctor so an EMT would have to do. His classes had begun to pile up in work to the point where he didn’t have the time to think about anything but school. He ate, slept, and breathed homework, projects, and term papers.

When Jungkook was 16, all he wanted to do was graduate. He no longer had any desire to pursue his childhood dreams. When he was asked what he wanted to do when he was older, his mind was a void. He couldn’t see any future for himself past high school. He went day to day not bothering to care about what might happen the next day. He coasted through all of his classes and dropped out of the advanced programs that his parents put him in.

His potential was like a flame. It was small at first, but still had loads of potential, so more kindling was thrown on top. The flame received it well, quickly spreading over the new material. But they kept stacking kindling. Stacking and stacking and stacking putting more and more pressure until finally….the flame died. All because he liked to read.

[Forever - Labrinth]

The clouds inched across the sky and rows of crops and fencing whipped by the car window. A stark contrast between the two. Jungkook rested his head against the glass and watched as the car began to pass more and more houses. The familiar area told him he was almost home. He should’ve been glad, elated even. He would finally get to see his friends again, but after three weeks of summer school to catch up on the class he skipped last year he’d lost the ability to smile or show any form of positivity. To say he felt like a zombie would be an insulting understatement.

The car pulled into the ever so familiar driveway and the rest of his family piled out of the car. He didn’t move. He heaved a long, anguished sigh before snatching his duffel bag from the other seat and throwing open the door.

He was out the front door again before his mom could even ask him where he was going. Speeding his bike down the empty road that he’d ridden countless times before. He could make this route with his eyes closed. The house in question came into view and Jungkook pedaled harder to close the distance. He swung one leg to the opposite pedal and straddled it until he swerved to a stop in the driveway. The house was old, hadn’t been lived in for years, wasn’t on the market, yet wasn’t scheduled to be torn down. It was the perfect place for a group of teenagers to tear apart and put back together. Without knocking, he stepped inside and was hit with the welcoming scent of booze, pizza, and weed with notes of cigarettes and coffee. Music blasting from a distant room in the house led him to the living room where he counted one, two, three, four, five people sprawled about the room. Upon noticing him standing in the doorway, they jumped up and raced to pull him into the room.

“Kook! How you been man? How’d surviving summer school go?” Taehyung was Jungkook’s best friend and unsolicited wingman. He was always trying to set him up with girls so he could get his v card punched. Taehyung was ever the ladies man. Never had trouble finding a date or a hookup. No one could blame him though. If they had that flawless, arrogant face they’d use it too. Despite his fuckboy nature, he was the best friend Jungkook ever had. They’d gone to the same school since they were 7 and Taehyung’s untamable charisma sniffed out Jungkook’s shyness rather quickly. They were inseparable and the rest is history.

“Fine I guess.”

“Kookie, come sit down! I’ve been saving your spot on the couch for you!” Jimin pulled Jungkook to the left corner of the C shaped couch. Jimin was like Taehyung in the sense that he also had no issues with finding partners. He wasn’t near as promiscuous as Taehyung, but he made up for it with his bisexuality. He had an entire other gender to choose from. Jimin was probably the nicest of the group. He always gave the best hugs and was their personal therapist. His aura seemed to coax you into opening up to him even if you hadn’t originally planned on it. He had a way of saying all the right words to make you feel better, even if it was just for a moment. On the other side of him, he was the biggest party animal the group had ever seen. Anywhere else, he was the purest angel that everyone believed could do no wrong. But at a party? Park Jimin was a demon. Seductively dancing in a stylish jacket, pants low enough to show his v-line, sweaty hair flipped back pounding shot after shot until he was the last man standing. That guy could party from sun down to sun up like it was a baby shower.

“Did you at least learn anything you missed last year?” Namjoon. Ever the parent. He was surprisingly humble given his father’s status and money. He easily had the best grades among the friends. School always came easy to him, no matter what it was. However, if you saw him outside of school, you’d never be able to guess he was one of the school’s top students. He carried an energy with him that dared anyone to mess with him or his friends. Although you didn’t see it often, he could make himself scary if he wanted to. All in all, he’s just a gentle giant that made sure everyone turned in their work.

“Absolutely nothing. I don’t know why they keep wasting their time on me.” Jungkook sighed. Hoseok threw a pillow from across the couch, smacking him in the face.

“Yah! Don’t talk about yourself like that!” Hoseok was the human charger. It didn’t matter if someone’s mama died if Hoseok was in the room there would be shenanigans. He was always the one to make some crazy dare that would end up getting them in trouble but they wouldn’t be mad because it was totally worth it. He also had great music taste and almost always was on aux. Hoseok’s vice was coke. Often the driving force behind his hyper nature, it started out as just a thing he did at parties, but slowly creeped into his everyday habits. It hadn’t become a problem yet, he vowed that as soon as he started getting nosebleeds he’d stop, although Jungkook was wary of how difficult that was going to be.

“Where’s Y/N and Yoongi?” Jungkook asked after noticing their usual spots empty.

“They left to get food. They should be coming back soon.” Jin assured him, giving him a comical slap on the thigh. Jin was the eldest, but rarely acted like it. Whenever he wasn’t making stupid dad jokes or eating he spent his time at the classical theater where he worked and sometimes acted. He planned on pursuing acting given his “world wide handsome face.” “It just has to be seen! People around the world need to swoon at my beauty” as he would put it.

No one heard the front door open and shut or noticed Y/N and Yoongi standing in the doorway of the living room.

“Food’s here.” Yoongi finally croaked. Hoseok and Jin yelped and sprung up.

“JESUS! Ever heard of announcing yourselves?! I swear you guys are the exact same person!” Y/N just gave a shrug and plopped onto the large bean bag that she’d claimed.

“Hey, Kooker.” She dragged out.

“Hi Y/N..” His unusual bland reply didn’t go unnoticed by her, but she brushed it off.

“You ready to get shit faced?” A playful grin plastered her otherwise tranquil face. A small smile poked at Jungkooks pursed lips. There was something about her character that always put him in a better mood. She was the one who invited him and Tae into the friend group in the first place, and because of that, he couldn’t be more grateful.

Yoongi tossed him a beer can and his car keys. “Start us off Jungkook.” Yoongi was by far the most terrifying one. It took some time to get to know his true person but there were still times when he still scared the shit out of him. Jungkook remembered when he first met Yoongi. He looked like he’d served time with the seasoned look in his eye that said he’d seen some shit in his day. He hadn’t spoken the entire time the group was talking and Jungkook was beginning to worry that he didn’t like him. It wasn’t til he finally spoke that Jungkook could release the breath he was holding. For someone so stoic and cold looking, he never expected him to have such a low, soft voice. He realized, Yoongi wasn’t scary, he was just quiet like him.

Jungkook took the keys and poked a hole in the bottom of the can. He pressed his lips to it and pulled the tab, sending the amber liquor shooting down his throat. He finished it with ease and crushed the can in his palm while the room cheered and chanted.

The loud music, laughing, and drugs drowned out everything in the outside world. It felt like the world ended and they were the last people left on Earth. Nothing mattered but what was right in front of them. The hours flew by until it came time for everyone to crash. Most of them were still raging drunk or high which only made them fall asleep faster. Jungkook didn’t drink much and he barely smoked. He just couldn’t get in the right headspace to enjoy any of it. So there he was, laying awake among a pile of snoring boys at some ungodly hour of the night. His phone buzzed in his pocket. He fished it out to read the text in his notifications.

[We All Knew - Labrinth]

Y/N💜: come to my office

He shimmied out from under Taehyung and Jimin and tiptoed out of the room. He followed the smell of weed through the house because where there was weed, there was Y/N. He stepped into the backyard and found her leaning against the wall, blunt between her fingers. The tip of the dark stick swelled into a bright orange when she took a drag. Smoke rolling out of her nose, she held it out for him. He hesitated.

“You're upset. Take it.” Which was a dead-on observation for Y/N, who’s not normally revolving in the same direction as planet Earth. He hesitantly took a puff from it before handing it back. She spread her arms lazily and looked at him with a beckoning stare. He sighed and walked right into her arms that wrapped around his back. She was only older than him by a year, but her old soul and almost motherly demeanor made him look up to her like she was his idol. Sometimes, he forgot he was a whole head taller than her. “Welcome home, Kookie.”

Hers was the only welcome he got that day that brought a genuine smile to his face. She had a way of making him feel welcome and wanted even if she was in a bad mood. She broke the embrace and without a word headed to the old couch by the empty swimming pool. He eventually followed her and flopped down next to her. Another gush of smoke entered the chilly air and it was handed back to him. Feeling better, he took a healthy drag and sighed out the smoke as he sunk further into the couch.

“Was it that obvious?”

“Was what obvious?”

“Me being upset.”

“Not really.” She flicked the ash off the tip of the brown stick, her gaze not breaking from its spacey stare.

“Then how’d you know?”

“Pain recognizes pain.” Y/N wasn’t one for her genius epiphanies, given that nine times out of ten on any given day she was stoned out of her mind. She wasn’t dumb, god no. He wouldn’t doubt that she was smarter than him, but she rarely exercised her ability. As great of a gift that her mind was, it was an even worse curse. An inescapable tomb of her worst fears, thoughts, and intentions, with nowhere to run and nowhere to hide. So naturally, she tried anything and everything to silence her mind; alcohol, weed, acid, coke, molly, you name it, she’s done it.

Jungkook wasn’t angry or disappointed by the lengths she went. He knew she was just trying to feel better, and to him, that’s all that mattered. He’d take high Y/N over no Y/N at all.

“Y/N?”

“Yep.” There was a silence while he worked up the nerve to speak.

“How…uh….how long have you felt…the way you feel?” She chuckled and let her head fall back against the couch.

“Well I smoked a blunt with Yoongi in the car this morning and then-”

“No, I mean like…w-without drugs.” Her lazy smile didn’t change, but her eyes unfocused and she grew quiet as if lost in a flashback.

“How long do you think I’ve felt this way?” He didn’t anticipate this question.

“Uh…I don’t know…you hide it really well.”

“I couldn’t tell you when it started. I don’t remember much before 7. I’m told I was a happy kid, but it didn’t feel like it at all. All my life I’ve looked around and seen that everyone was so much happier than me, and I’d ask myself, ‘Why can’t I feel like that?’ It wasn’t until I was older that I learned…I was born to suffer. That’s just my place in the world.”

“When did you finally tell anyone?”

“I didn’t. My parents found my razors.” Jungkook always thought he saw scars on her arms and legs, but her milky skin made it hard to tell. It hurt his heart to know that it was true, and that every one of those once caused her pain. The image of her forearms and thighs slick with her blood brewed tears in his eyes.

“They determined they didn’t have the knowledge to help me, so they asked me to take a tour of this mental hospital and think about their suggestion….” She paused to keep her voice from cracking. “I didn’t make it home that day. Never really forgave them after that.”

There was a long silence after that. Jungkook didn’t say anything. There was nothing to say. Besides, he knew she hated condolences. “What made you start using drugs?” She took a drag of the blunt and thought about it.

“I was 13.” Really? “I found my brothers stash of weed in one of his shoes. I already knew what weed was and what it was used for, so I took about a gram and a rolling paper and taught myself how to roll a joint on my bathroom floor. I was shaking like a dog shitting peach seeds but when that joint hit, I thought…” She tilted her head to peak at him with an epiphanic smile, “This is it…This is the feeling that I’ve been waiting to feel my entire life. I thought I was sure to get caught and sent to juvie, but I wasn’t. The world went on, and I found a way to live. Now could my lifestyle kill me? Will it kill me? Yeah probably I don’t know, but at least I could’ve had a few years where I wasn’t begging the universe to put me out of my misery.” She paused to take another hit. “People often ask me, ‘Y/N why don’t you try therapy? Drugs aren’t the answer.’ Yeah well, drugs work. Therapy’s a guessing game; you never know if it’s gonna actually help or not and end up wasting your time and money. But when I take that hit, that line, that tab, the world starts to slow…and everything goes quiet…and I feel safe. In my own head. And I can see the world in color again.”

Jungkook watched her blissful face while she was lost in thought. She must’ve been pretty high because this is the most personal she’d ever gotten with him or possibly anyone that wasn’t Yoongi. “Y/N?”

“Yeah?”

“W-what if I don’t feel what everyone else feels either..?” He pinched the skin between his fingers to keep his tears at bay, a nervous habit he’d picked up from her. She reached over and took his hand in hers, the webbing between her fingers had white and pink stripes from years of fingernails digging into the flesh.

“Jungkook,” she didn’t use his nickname, “I know how hard it was for you to say that. I want you to know how much I appreciate you telling me, because if anyone knows how you feel, it’s me. You can talk to me whenever, wherever. Even when you think it’s a bad time it’s not, because nothing in that moment is more important to me than you. I don’t want you to go through the same thing I did, so please, even if you don’t want to talk, maybe I can at least keep you company.”

For the rest of the night, Jungkook told her everything. About the pressure, the stress, the desire to collapse and let the world go on without him, his inability to see a future where he was fulfilled. The words often caught in his throat, having never said them out loud before. Y/N didn’t say much, she just wrapped them in a blanket and stroked his hair while she just let him talk. Sometimes, he’d have to stop to cry and she’d hold him a little tighter, wipe his tears away with her thumbs, and wait til he was ready again.

Eventually, he had nothing else to say, his tears dried, and his body stilled.

Babies didn’t sleep that good.

Y/N nodded off a little later but was woken up by a raccoon tipping a trash can. She rested her cheek on his head and tried to go back to sleep, but it never came. She just continued to rest her eyes while playing with Jungkook’s hair and tracing lines along his features.

She didn’t know how long she laid there but soon the birds began their routine morning songs and she was sure she wouldn’t get back to sleep now. The faint tap of shoes on the concrete perked her ears, but she kept her eyes closed. The footsteps stopped behind the couch where she sat. It was quiet before the person chuckled quietly. A warm hand smoothed back the hair in her face and a little kiss was planted on her forehead. She couldn’t help the smile that spread across her face.

“Yoongi, I’m awake you creep.” She cracked her eyes open to see her boyfriend laid over the back of the couch hovering above her, his dark hair tickling her nose. He smirked.

“Well in that case,” he grabbed her chin and tilted her head up before capturing her lips in a playful kiss. When they parted, he glanced down at Jungkooks still sleeping figure. “You guys stay out here all night?”

“Yeah,” she looked down at him and smoothed his hair back, “he just had a few things to get off his chest.” Yoongi almost asked what it was about but her face gave him an idea.

“It’s cold, you want me to take him inside?”

“It won’t wake him up will it?”

“If he’s as out as as he looks, he won’t.” She nodded and Yoongi circled around and slipped his hands under the sleeping boy’s body. Much to Y/N’s pleasant surprise, he lifted him bridal style with ease and she followed him into the house where he placed him next to the other slumbering boys.

When he straightened back up he saw her in the sliding glass door, gazing at the now dusty blue sky. She could feel his body heat on her back against the nippy outside air.

“I always loved the time just before dawn.”

“Why is that?” He wrapped his arms around her waist and pressed his cheek to hers.

“It’s so calm and peaceful. And incredibly quiet besides the birds. It’s the only time I feel truly left alone.”

“You want me to show you my favorite time of day?” She turned to him with a curious look. “Follow me.” Not long after, the two were perched on the flat portion of the roof with Yoongi’s bong sitting between them. His angular fingers effortlessly packed the bowl and held it out to her. “All yours.” She took it with a smile.

“What a gentleman~”

Soon, the sky went from a pale blue to pastel shades of orange and pink. He looked over to see her fiddling with a thread on his hoodie she was wearing. “This,” he took her jaw and guided her eyes up for her to see the sunrise, “is my favorite time of day.”

“Why?”

“It gives me hope. Kinda like you.” He was glad she didn’t say anything. She was lost in the color palette of the scene before her, the weed making everything so much more vibrant and striking. He could see the sky reflected in her eyes, making the view ten times better. More time went by and she rested her head on his broad shoulder while they watched the rest of the sunrise.

Back on the ground, Yoongi cleared the bowl and poured out the bong water before setting it on a table by the couch. Y/N was on her back in the center of the empty pool, slowly tearing a leaf above her face and analyzing how it separated cell by cell. He stood on the edge above and watched her do this another four times much to his amusement. “You wanna get breakfast?”

She was out of the pool and in his face before he could finish his sentence. “Like you have to ask.” He chuckled and rolled his eyes before turning and walking to his car. “Hey, Yoongi.”

He turned back.

“Carry me to the car like Jungkook.” He broke into a smirk and walked back to her.

“Yes ma’am.” She let out a yelp when he scooped her off her feet and marched the two of them to his car waiting on the street.

Cover photo: @BIGHITTED on Twitter

#bts #bts fanfic #bts x reader #fanfic #yoongi #yoongi x reader #ot7 x reader #bts fic #yoongi fic #bts angst

[fruitlupsthings]

SENSE OF SMELL - PART SIX

{REVISED TITLE ON THE BACK OF THIS THOUGHT LOL 17/08/21} There really isn't much of July left and tbh this has become a much wider project, so I may have to revise the titles of this blog, maybe just call it the writing challenge or the writing project or something. I'll decide that if I'm not done by the time we start heading into August (highly unlikely lol, given the expansion this little universe has received recently). But just thought it would be good to keep you updated. SO This post is a bit of a brief explanation of the experiment, what happened to make it go wrong and an accident occur to release the gas into the environment, a brief guest appearance from our main bad guy, Huxley, and a short timeline of the aftermath of the descending of the fog. Confusing? A little. but once drafts start coming in of the actual writing, and maybe if I explain connections and actual write a good canon lore document to show you guys, then it may make more sense :)

If you wish to read my work before getting into the nitty gritty of its creation, just click this link to hop straight to it, and then pop back here when you're done if you'd like to get into it more. I may even be editing or writing in real time, so you can always keep refreshing the document to track my progress. As always, any comments or feedback you want to give to me will always be more than welcome, and you can reach me on any of my socials (links are in this blog's bio, though the handle is always fruitlupsthings) or my email [email protected]. _____________________________________________________________

So there is a lot to unpack here. There are also major spoilers so if you skipped past the first disclaimer paragraph because you see it on all of my posts and you want to skip to the fresh content just be mindful that this will contain major spoilers (seriously) for the entire book, not just the sample available for the challenge, I really do mean the whole thing. So please just be mindful of that before you read on. Thank you. _____________________________________________________________

Anyway, I decided I wanted to link this book with a larger universe I had already mostly world-built, as it was advantageous to both works as each had questions answered by the others, which was an awesomely rare literary revelation for me.

So I’m going to pretty much unpick the mini blurb thing I wrote, as I think it’ll be a good way to answer all the questions for this to-do list and also will keep me reasonably on task and structured throughout this post (it’s going to be a long one). “An organisation were experimenting with a weapon in the form of a lethal gas which, upon inhalation, triggers a hallucinogenic response, causing you to experience your most treasured, happy and safe memory, including all of the sights and SMELLS associated with making you keep calm and happy, This causes you to inhale more of the gas which (remembering it is lethal) ultimately kills you. However, there was an accident in the building which was hosting these experiments, and the gas was unfortunately released into the atmosphere.

The population must now wear filtering masks to protect themselves from the gas, lest they should be forced to hold their breath if they are maskless should they wish to live. Down the line, "safe zones” were created, which resemble domes or bubbles where a filtration system generates safe air, providing sanctuary for a small community within each bubble or dome, Within these “safe zones” you are free to be maskless.“ So the organisation is The Hive Foundation (big gasp). This was just one of the many shady operations that Martha ended up carrying out during her reign of the company. It’s kind of a weird one to be writing, but it helps with the general push of the main series I drafted, and it saves me having to world-build a whole entire extra villainous world or something. It also helps with the world design of the world post Martha, (in bigger universe, this blog hasn't met her yet) as i knew i wanted the rest of the series to take on a more apocalyptic role (think district 13 from the hunger games) but i didn’t really know how to go about it. So now that’s solved too which is awesome !! Huxley (villain for this story) was one of the people they were testing this gas on, and when the organisation collapsed (main story) and everyone went into hiding, he escaped from the lab as the whole building went up in flames and crumbled, but suffered near fatal injuries. As he was being experimented on, he was almost completely mentally broken and insane, repeating the things they had told him - that the gas was going to cure humanity, and that he was part of something special. During the building collapse, no one was really thinking about one of the many secret labs in the place, and the gas canisters burst, and the gas leaked into the atmosphere, mixing with the gases in the air, and then descending onto the world in the form of a fog/mist.

There were many tragedies, as no one knew how to handle this new threat at first. The wearing of masks outside of homes became mandatory. Windows and doors were closed permanently, unless absolutely necessary. Eventually, the development of “bubbles” became commonplace. Cities who couldn’t afford these changes were relocated to those who could and had space for more, many communities often separated to avoid overcrowding. We join the story after these have become commonplace, and people have begun adjusting as best they can to this new way of life, and are finding their roles in their new lives, grieving over those lost, and hoping they survive the deadly fog. _____________________________________________________________ That's about it for this section!! It feels so good to get another thing ticked off my to-do list!! I've been slightly ill for a little while since I hit you all with a flurry of posts, and I think this has been a good way for me to speed up my recovery, as having something I love to focus on is a fantastic healer, and I hope I can keep up a regular rate of posting from now on... I may even get some regular posting times in the future!! As always in my long posts, if you made it this far, thank you so so much. Your support means everything to me, and I couldn't be happier to be hearing all your feedback on which posts you find interesting and whether you're enjoying the plans so far. So it goes without saying that you all MORE than deserve this kitto gif :)

Thank you so so much for reading, I hope you're all taking care of yourselves. fruitlups <3

#long post #writing prompts #writing challenge #writing #reading #oc lore #worldbuilding #young author

[mvjesties]

yeets this post 100mph onto the dash like a shit flingin monkey  AYoO it is i lacey and this right here is a short intro post for my newest Good Boy issa sooo...

smiles weakly n hands u my trash. hit that ♥ and i’ll come to you for plots !

PERSONALITY & LIFESTYLE

he is

foreign,, haven’t entirely pinpointed which country yet (ideally a small one) but i imagine issa is a mix of middle-eastern and caribbean.

as for his accent, if any of you watch game of thrones i’d like to think he has an accent similar (but not as heavy as) grey worm when he speaks english? rolled r’s, some hard consonants, most sentences are spoken in a low octave under his breath

aside from english, issa is fluent in arabic, spanish, and french in that order.

painfully well-intentioned. isn’t one to get involved in things unless he feels he must, but as far as others go, he always wants what’s best for them. 

selective of his company, but at the same time isn’t? he loves getting to know people plenty (and in more ways than one, wink wonk) but he does get critical about those he draws close. issa’s better known for being a kooky enigma of some sort, but he’s always open to be a confidant for anyone who feels they need one.

he enjoys deep conversations, isn’t afraid to ask intimate questions, and likes to understand others as much as he possibly can. he’s articulate although english isn’t his first language. he tries his best.

as i briefly touched upon earlier, issa isn’t totally closed off to familiarizing himself with those who spark an interest to him. he tends to get harmlessly (i hope jkdjfnk) flirtatious with company from time to time. the funny part is that sometimes it’s possible to catch him off guard when reciprocating the flirtation and the tips of his ears and cheeks will begin to glow bright pink

long story short he’s welcome to one night stands and friends with benefits but relationships is where it gets tricky,, he doesn’t understand the idea of being committed to a single person (not yet anyway,, he tried it once with daisey and she ended up cheating on him lmfao)

but he’s not afraid of being emotionally vulnerable to others in different ways. sometimes he’s blunt, and sometimes he beats around the bush. i guess it depends on the person and his connection with them

this isn’t to say that he necessarily cares or doesn’t care about others, but he would never go out of his way to cause anyone harm, is all. the boy just wants to have a good time.

a man of solitude. always has learned things best on his own, spent down-time on his own, and bounced back from hardships on his own. this isn’t to say that he’s not sociable, however. he enjoys company very much. he just prefers to be away from the crowds at gatherings, should he have the option to meander away.

unlike most magicians, actually doesn’t crave to be the center of attention. he still does the shows because they’re a good source of income aside from his shop, and he loves watching wonder flicker between darting eyes that second after he’s finished a trick. can’t promise he’ll perform magic for you every time you ask, but your odds of seeing a trick are much better than if you don’t mention it at all.

which brings me to the next section of information, the magic issa specializes in!*

(* you don’t have to read this part unless you’re interested. it’s just me going in depth about his magic style)

ISSA’S MAGIC

a very important thing you should know about issa is the style of magic he partakes in. while issa does happen to be a magician, we’re not quite talking your normal parlor tricks you’d see at a flashy show or a kid’s birthday party. issa’s interest lies elsewhere on a fine line between spiritual themes and something they call bizarre magic.

if you’re not sure what that is, allow me to explain!

akin to parlor tricks, bizarrists use sleight of hand and illusions, yes. but it incorporates a bigger purpose, thus making the magic tricks simply an element of the story, not the main focus. 

the difference, however, is that bizarre magic lies under an art form which utilizes mild discomfort for the full theatrical effect. this feeling of discomfort an audience may experience comes from a place where one might infer that the style of magic projected comes from an ominous place (in issa’s case, theatrical seance, etc). but, this is what makes the magic feel more real to those watching. so while magic is in fact, still part of the show, the audience is still caught on the notion that they have begun interacting with the unknown in order for such events to take place.

while he practices forms of magic that is conventionally seen as inauspicious, he doesn’t wish to portray any form of ill-will to those around him. i’d imagine he kinda gives off vibes of a witch-doctor or healer, perhaps? someone who does practice magic plenty, but never to harm anyone.

issa currently specializes in:

bizarre illusionism: close-up magic, misdirection, escapology

spiritualism: divination, mediumship

issa is currently working on:

mentalism: hypnosis, clairvoyance

MORE OF ISSA’S INTERESTS / LEFTOVER PARTS OF HIS PERSONALITY

kinda lazy when it comes to serious things, just wants to adventure around or take naps instead. pretty easygoing guy

soft-spoken, gentle in nature, and is kind to all that are civil to him. enjoys teasing company, however. but he never means any harm. can sometimes come off a bit sassy, but that’s the most problematic he wishes to be. doesn’t get involved in fights unless absolutely necessary

very big on tarot readings, the zodiac, crystals, the aura/energies people give off, growing his own herbs, etc. one would call him a hippie if he was a lil more drugged out jnfdkgj but he’s crazy enough without em. i imagine him coming off as some sort of gentle witch to everyone else in town JNDFK maybe givin off some eccentric healer meets witch-doctor vibes

someone get him a headdress like melman’s to wear around his shop

often seen in loosely-fitted button downs tucked into simple trousers. very summer style, since he’s known summer all his life where he’s from. pray for him when winter hits cos this man don’t know what a fckin jacket is. also wears a shit-ton of jewelry. we’re talkin at least 4 rings a hand, 2-3 layered necklaces goin down his chest (which explains why his shirt’s always buttoned so goddamn low), a tiny gold hoop in each ear,, he’s not satisfied until he looks like a mfin Christmas tree.

speaking of trees, the environmental conservation club is the only part of school he partakes in aside from classes. he has little care for being a part of the community, but he looooves his plants. talks to them sometimes because he’s a firm believer that it helps them grow

i also have headcanons that he gives inanimate objects pronouns and personalities and absentmindedly speaks to himself from time to time but thats about all i can remember about him for now jdskfbg

you get the general idea by now i Guess

i typed sm more than i thought i would,, oh my god i’m so sorry

#KINDA LONG SO FEEL FREE TO SKIP THE MAGIC SECTION IF U WANT NDFJGK #veritasintro #intro.

[dropintomanga]

Faith Is Restored - An Interview With “Anime For Humanity”

Ever since I started this blog, I thought to myself whether I or someone else can start up a mental health organization that helps people using anime. I had some optimism at first, but grew jaded after seeing people’s impressions of anime and how anime was treated under the geek hierarchy over the years. Yet I found out that someone or should I say, a group of fans is doing what I envisioned in my head and the timing couldn’t have been more perfect

While I was reading up on the sudden “mental health” question that popped up in an “anime census”, I found out about an organization that anime fans should support when it came to mental health discussion. That organization is known as Anime For Humanity. They are based in Los Angeles and have been traveling throughout California at various conventions since starting in 2017.

I went to their site immediately and I was amazed that AFH are a 501(c)(3) non-profit organization dedicated to using a medium that many fans love to promote mental health awareness. So I decided to get an interview with AFH and their outreach manager, Ruby, got back to me. Here’s what she had to say on Anime For Humanity, their beginnings, a couple of their projects, the hashtag movement they started, and more.

Q: How did Anime for Humanity get started? What made you see that anime was inspiring for anyone with mental illness?

Ruby: Before Anime For Humanity (AFH) started, we were an anime club with a passion for anime and community. We volunteered with local charities and hosted events that people enjoyed. Then we realized there were specific ways anime could have an impact and make a difference in people’s lives.

When we first thought about the causes Anime For Humanity should tackle, we took a moment to reflect on what anime brought and changed in our personal lives. We found out that most of us suffered through depression, anxiety, self-harm and suicidal thoughts. Only a few us did get professional help and others didn’t because of the so-called “stigma."

Q: What professional backgrounds do you have in mental health?

Ruby: Since AFH started as an anime club, we all came from different backgrounds, including artists, teachers, computer scientists and therapy counselors.

We do close work with other LPCCs (licensed professional clinical counselors) and LMFTs (licensed marriage and family therapists) that volunteer to host panels, speak at events and run support groups.

As a member of the Anime For Humanity Clinical Advisory Board, it is very important for AFH to work with therapists and counselors who understand the fandom and use it as to a tool to help people find healing and recovery.

Q: Clinical Advisory Board?

Ruby: The Clinical Advisory Board is an initiative made by Anime For Humanity. It is still under the work and part of the Anime Therapy Project.  Since we attend a bunch of cons, a lot of licensed therapists stop by our booth and ask us to be involved in what we do. We call them the "Anime Therapists." :) 

The purpose of the Clinical Advisory Board is to discuss scientific research done on anime and help polish Anime For Humanity’s upcoming projects/programs. We also have been working on building a "find an anime therapist near you" (which is similar to our “Find Healing” resources, but with a twist) where the anime/geek community can find a therapist near them who understands the fandom and maybe uses it as a tool for therapy. 

So far, the project is still on alpha mode and local to LA. We are hopeful it will expand to other cities, states and around the world.

Q: With anime consumption almost completely online and anime conventions sometimes being the only spot to get fans together, how did you come up with ideas to get fans to come to your programs offline?

Ruby: Here in SoCal (Southern California), it happens that there is a convention every month where we get to be in touch with the attendees and tell them about what we do.

We are very grateful for all the convention organizers in our area because not only does the anime scene keep growing, but we also get to hand out local resources for people to get professional help.

Q: Describe what a typical workshop/support group session from Anime for Humanity is like.

The AFH support group is part of the Anime Therapy program, which is still under the works.

Q: What challenges came along the way as Anime for Humanity began to grow?

Ruby: One of the challenges Anime For Humanity faced when we first started was we weren't able to collaborate with other organizations because there wasn't much acceptance and support towards anime when discussing our mission and purpose.

Q: What did it take to get some of those who were skeptical onto your side? How did you convince them? I always felt anime has better acceptance in a place like California due to a large Asian population, Hollywood celebrities loving it, and a vibrant arts scene.

Ruby: At first, we couldn't convince them due to what they have been told about anime (ie. anime containing violent and sexual content) - things that didn't go with their mission and values. 

But once we showed them how conventions were growing (especially the growth of Anime Expo) and how anime presents themes such as kindness, courage, and friendship. We also told them our story of how anime gave us a purpose to make a change in our community. That gave a spark to start the conversation and change their minds about anime. And yes! You’re right about anime being more accepted in California. As I mentioned earlier, there is more than one convention happening each month here in California, where people celebrate their fandom (comics, anime, cosplay, etc) Seeing cosplayers on the train/metro, cons popping up everywhere; that made it easy to promote Anime For Humanity!

Q: I liked how you involve gamers of all kinds to support Anime for Humanity via the "Play Anime Project." In your opinion, what is it about gamers that make them the most charitable people out there?

Ruby: Gamers are a great community. They are passionate and empathetic. Especially when gaming with a purpose comes to play. Everyone would love to do what they are passionate about and help others at the same time.

The "Play Anime Project" is about taking and promoting new and fun anime games to non-anime conventions and start the conversation about the stigma of mental health with attendees.

Q: I found out about a program you had to combat illiteracy called “Take a Manga, Return a Manga Project." Given that manga literacy and comprehension can translate well into reading non-visual material, how did the program work and which series were the most helpful for fans struggling to read?

Ruby: “Take a Manga, Return a Manga” is a unique and exciting program we launched when we first started Anime For Humanity. Here are the 3 reasons why:

1. We wanted to promote anime/manga to a community who aren't familiar with either. Because as mentioned earlier, reaching out to that community was/is still one of the challenges we are facing.

2. We all have a bunch of manga collecting dust in our shelves. We thought how can we put those manga into use and make a space where values like sharing, friendship, and community are built in the anime community.

When we took the AFH library to a couple of conventions, we would invite the attendees to build one in their community, college, high school, etc. to bring those values and show the rest what anime is about.

3. Like you mentioned in your question, manga literacy and comprehension can\translate well into reading non-visual materials.

We have a special box for people to donate manga that will be taken to kids in orphanages as a way to fight illiteracy. Since the donated books were random, we do pick and choose the appropriate ones that will be given to the kids while the rest go back to the library.

Q: I wanted to ask about your thoughts about the recent Flying Colors Foundation situation where the now-defunct organization asked a question regarding users' mental health. There was a good amount of criticism towards FCF about that particular question. What concerns did you have over how they presented it?

Ruby: We believe the question about mental health could have been worded better or not have been asked at all. The survey was to show Japanese animation studios what most Westerners think and want in an anime, and not about personal mental health issues which are generally unrelated to their survey.

Q: I love the #SavedbyAnime hashtag you started, but there are times, as you and I know, where anime consumption can be harmful to someone. We've seen toxic situations involving fandom. How do you tell someone who may be letting anime or anime fandom take over their daily life that it's a good time to step back?

Ruby: “Too much of a good thing is good for nothing.” Moderation is always the key. Over-consumption of anything such as food, exercise, entertainment, and also medicine can be harmful. Finding balance in our lives is so important, yet it is so hard.

This is one of the complex questions that we face at conventions most of the time, since we have encountered many people saying “If it wasn’t for over-consuming anime, I'm not sure if I would be here right now.”

We tend not to judge or give advice to people, but paradoxically, our first approach is to invite people to watch an anime that would speak to their situation in life (Naruto, Welcome to the N.H.K, etc. for example). 

Then we follow up with them to ultimately help them understand what they are going through and hopefully get professional help. We believe all the struggles anime characters go through is to share with us their experiences that we can learn from and use it in our daily lives.

This is where we start the conversation and and educate people about the hashtag #SavedByAnime which is about how to use anime to find balance, growth and purpose in life.

Q: I noticed that there's an upcoming program called "Anime Therapy" on the front page of your site, which looks like screenings with some conversations afterwards, I believe? Can you talk more about it?

Ruby: We will keep you updated once it's ready for launch.

Q: Given that mental illness is becoming a popular topic in graphic novels and manga like “My Lesbian Experience With Loneliness” have hit mainstream success, what would like to see going forward in terms of anime covering portrayals of characters with mental illness?

Ruby: We would love to see more of the kinds of anime that cover characters with mental illness. For example, Welcome to the N.H.K depicted the struggles of a person who was suffering from mental illness. We also hope to see anime touch on the subject of getting professional help when in crisis.

This interview has been edited for clarity. 

You can visit Anime For Humanity at http://www.animeforhumanity.org.

#Anime for Humanity #anime #manga #mental health #otaku fandom #therapy #psychology #interviews #non-profit organization #mental health organizations

[magicmenageriestuff]

3am Eternal (Live at the S.S.L.) – The K.L.F.

( The Ancients of Mu Mu )

*

Alien 3  –  Paranoia In Pinewood part 2

The six stages of Film Production : as seen carved into the wall in Pinewood, Studio Five, by someone presumably better-versed in the industry than I :

Wild enthusiasm

Disillusionment

Panic

Search For The Guilty

Punish The Innocent

Reward The Non-Involved 

The above quote from the diary I kept in 1991 while filming Alien 3 in Pinewood Studios.  I released it into the atmosphere as My Pop Life #171 – Praying For Time.  I think it’s time for part 2, don’t you?

*

Somebody send me a clean version of this picture.  thanks.

Things settled down a little after the heart-thumping and deeply paranoid first month recorded in the previous episode.  No one was sacked.  I don’t think.  No one was re-cast.  There was a terrible accident one day when Sigourney’s make-up lady Linda was standing in a doorway on set – one of those science fiction doorways with a sliding panel which goes up and down with a swish.  It was a wooden contraption with a weighted pulley which failed, and it came down suddenly onto her face, right onto her nose. I wasn’t there but it was a nasty accident and she was rushed to hospital.  We never saw Linda again. Later I learned that she didn’t want to claim the medical expenses from the company, but having had a facial reconstruction and various operations I think that she eventually did settle.  Dangerous places film sets.

The cast of Alien 3 with David Fincher on set, 1991

My relationship with Sigourney had subsided into a kind of sulk, and although she would make the odd remark, the earlier fire and brimstone had calmed down a bit.  Not that we’d made up at all.  Sadly we weren’t friends.  I’d confided in other cast members – Niall Buggy thought I was completely bonkers “What are you talking about Ralph, she’s lovely!”  Pete Postlethwaite and Phil Davis felt the same way.  Dhobi Oparei too.  I was happy that they were enjoying working with her, but just as I started feeling cornered, there was Charles Dance asking me how it was all going as we waited for a set-up.  I think I was tentative at first but eventually told him what had been going on.  He confessed that he’d had the same kind of experience. “Is that how you’re going to say it?” and all of the paranoia about how clean he looked, other competitive nonsense.  I felt relieved that I wasn’t going totally mad.  It was only people she had scenes with where the behaviour occurred.  Wait – was Charles Dutton also having this relationship with her?  No.  He was a friend already and he was not the enemy.  Charlie and I have been firm friends ever since.

Charles Dance as Clemens

One day on set Sigourney and I had a scene on a balcony, after the fire. Men had died.  The Alien was trapped, locked in a loading bay. Dutton and his men were praying below us.  The scene wasn’t going well.  But we got it at around 8.00pm and Fincher pulled me aside.  “Dude.  She vampired that scene. Don’t worry I can cut around what you did, we got it.  But you’re letting her get to you.”  I think I said that I was trying to stand my ground.  “If you ever need to leave the set, take five minutes, regain your centre, just say it OK?  I got your back.”  It was another welcome acknowledgement that I wasn’t paranoid.  I went home, cuddled my lady and gritted my teeth for the long haul.  I had to try and protect my performance at the end of the day, that was what mattered.

the balcony scene is in the “director’s cut” on the DVD

As the weeks progressed, all of the actors were called in every day, in case we were needed.  First thing – put through ‘the works’ – costume and make-up – and then sat in our dressing rooms to await the call, often all day.  I often went into the next-door dressing room occupied by the Prison Governor, my boss the legend Brian Glover, who’d memorably played the gym teacher in Ken Loach‘s heartbreaking film Kes.  Brian was from Barnsley and did the voice overs for Tetley Tea Bags : ‘Tetley. Make tea bags. Make Tea.‘

Brian Glover as Andrews

Brian regaled me with stories from his days as a professional wrestler, fighting on the circuit with Giant Haystacks, Big Daddy and Mick McManus. ‘There’s money in ugly Ralph‘ he would announce, his squashed ear a keepsake of his years playing rugby.  Every 45 minutes the lovely 2nd AD Marcia Gay would knock and pop her head around the door – ‘Gentlemen. You won’t be required for the next 45 minutes. Just relax‘.  This became alarmingly irritating until one day Brian swivelled his giant head in her direction and asked ‘Is the money the same?‘  Marcia was puzzled.  ‘Yes‘ she said. ‘Well Fook Off Then!‘ shouted Brian.  Rude and fucking funny.

Fincher on the camera with Alex Thomson alongside him who had taken over as DP when Jordan Cronenweth was too ill to continue

There were eventually four units running at the same time – 1st Unit with David Fincher directing and another legend Chris Carreras as 1st AD.  The eye of any storm, the 1st AD basically runs the set, oversees all of the departments and keeps a keen eye on who is slowing the unit down.  The 1st AD is basically making the film.  Chris had an amazingly calm temperament but I saw him biting his tongue a couple of times.  Years later in 1999 I would contact him and ask him to 1st AD my film New Year’s Day, which he graciously agreed to do.  Without him it wouldn’t have got made. I was going to create a link there to the blog where I talk about the film that I wrote and which actually got made.  So scarred am I from this experience that 220 blog posts later I haven’t even started to think about discussing it.  Watch this space !

Paul McGann as Golic

Meanwhile back in Pinewood, the other 3 units which might or might not need actors for any given day were :  2nd Unit with Martin Brierly directing (and Nick Heckstall-Smith assisting, whom I would also work with later), Action Unit doing Alien Stuff and other SFX, and a Fire Unit which set fire to things and put them out while stunt guys ran around with falmes one their clothes.   We were all required, at one point or another, on all of these units.  But there were interminable days when nothing happened.  Backgammon became institutionalised, with American actors Chris Fields and particularly Holt McCallany relieving us of our wages on a regular basis with ruthless use of the doubling dice. I soon saw the error of this form of time-wasting, likewise poker and other competitive pursuits. 

Clive Mantle as William, Peter Guinness as Gregor

One day when it was clear once again that nothing was going to happen a group of us decided to wander around the studio lot and see what else was going on.  Like a bunch of escaped prisoners escorted by a correction facility officer.  That was me.  We went into one of the bigger studio buildings (Alien 3 had the majority but some were still available for hire) – I can’t remember precisely who was in that gang but I think Peter Guinness, Paul Brennan, Clive Mantle and Danny Webb certainly were. Maybe Niall Buggy and Vincenzo Nicoli too.  And there was a giant pyramid structure with lights on frames around it and people with cloaks wandering about.  We’d asked permission to visit of course, and the producers knew who we were, what we were doing there.  The band was The K.L.F. and they were shooting a video for their single 3am Eternal which had been at Number 1 in the charts that January.  A video it turned out, for the US market. We watched a take with smoke and lights, bleeps and heavy metal guitar chords, acid house beats and rap, capes and cloaks. It was all a bit mental.  Then they took a break.

We wandered into the next studio through a heavy door.  And there was Kylie Minogue, dressed for the Shocked video. We were all introduced and I became suddenly aware of a tiny elfin Australian blonde woman being dwarfed by half a dozen dirty shaven-headed prisoners from outer space.  She shook everyone’s hand then gently wandered away and asked one of her people if they could ask us politely to leave.  Which we did.  Poor love.

Kylie Minogue is Shocked at the power of love in 1991

There’s a curious link here because Bill Drummond, (who with Jimmy Cauty is The K.L.F.) had worked as an A&R man for WEA (now Warners) in London in the mid-80s and had apparently spent half a million pounds on a band called Brilliant who never quite took off.  Stock Aitken & Waterman were writers & producers for Brilliant, and Jimmy Cauty was in the band along with Martin Glover aka Youth from Killing Joke.  And Stock Aitken & Waterman were now writing and producing for Kylie, along with a vast stable of acts including Donna Summer, Mel & Kim and Jason Donovan.  Kylie & Jason had starred together in Aussie soap Neighbours, and to continue the odd waltz between the 2 acts, the K.L.F. had made a single called ‘Kylie Said To Jason‘ which was a hilarious rip-off of ‘Left To My Own Devices‘ by The Pet Shop Boys.  Confused Yet ??

Bill Drummond & Jimmy Cauty

I didn’t make any of these connections at the time.  I was listening to George Michael, Public Enemy, The Breeders. Catching up with Bob Marley and Miles Davis.  Discovering Wagner – again.  Looming on the horizon was Massive Attack. The K.L.F. seemed to me a little like The Tubes, one of my favourite bands to be sure, or the Bonzo Dog Band (see My Pop Life #77), formed by musicians who wanted to lampoon the music and the industry and anything else they could gather into their fiendish net.  Like everything was in quotes. I mean who sang along with the phrase “Ancients of MuMu” without a silly grin on their face?

And of course we were still recovering from the smiley-face rave culture moment from which the K.L.F. appeared to have emerged.  In fact they were rather more like a situationist art project that wanted to burn the whole thing down.  Anarchists.  Their career was inspired partly by the theatre show The Illuminatus Trilogy, written and directed by mad genius Ken Campbell in Liverpool where Bill had been the set designer.  He walked out one day to buy a sandwich and never came back. Later he formed his Pop Group who became The Timelords with big novelty hit Doctoring The Tardis, then The JAMS (Justified Ancients of MuMu) with the single What Time Is Love which got re-issued a number of times from 1988 onward, then The K.L.F.  Their brilliant warped career  peaked a year later in 1992 at the BRIT Awards when Drummond machine-gunned the audience of music industry execs from the stage, and a dead sheep was left at the door of the afterparty with the message “I died for you – bon appetit” attached. A few months later in May 1992 The K.L.F. announced that they had quit the music business and deleted their entire back catalogue.  Other stunts followed such as the infamous burning of a million pounds, the Soup Line, the 17 Choir and other innovative ideas.  Apparently Bill Drummond lived just down the hill from me when I was in Brighton but I never met him, I don’t think.

Niall Buggy as Eric, Danny Webb as Morse

Back on the Alien3 set a few days later it was Valentine’s Day.  I had been sent a card and an AD delivered it to me as we relaxed between shots.  It was of course from Jenny my beloved.  We were not married at that point.  And I could swear Sigourney was looking over my shoulder to see who it was from.  Hahaha.  Fincher was shooting a lot of footage.  “I’m doing long pans & track so they can’t cut into my footage” he explained one day.  It meant that when we had a group scene we could open a book on how many takes it would be.  Anything under five was unpopular.  Over twelve was possible, common even.  I think we did a tenner per set-up.  Someone wrote the names down and the number they’d chosen.  Often no one would win because we went up to Take 17 and no one wanted to put ten of your earth pounds on that.

Here’s an idea…

In fact Sigourney and I had one of our scenes discussing plans regarding telling the company their was an Alien on the planet, and playing a fella who wanted to go home to his wife and kids, rather than perish in some millennial cult group suicide, Aaron ’85’ suggested a plan.  Ripley’s response was tentatively ‘yes maybe‘.  We did a couple of wide shots, then into my single.  Can’t remember how many takes it was – probably around seven or eight.  Then turned round onto Sigourney.  David didn’t like her tone, which suggested that Ripley thought Aaron was a dick.  He didn’t think that was right at that point in the story.  So. One more.  Turn over. Sound Speed. Scene 178 take 17.  Mark it. And….Action! Blah blah blah.  Cut.  Same result.  He’s not your enemy.  Take 22.  Don’t sneer. Take 29.  You think it’s a good idea. Take 34. By which time we were all so exhausted and dizzy from the repetition that Sigourney said the line in a kind of dazed acquiescence and Fincher had the take he wanted.

About a year later in Los Angeles, after the re-shoots, I had two days of ADR in a West LA studio on Olympic Boulevard.  David remembered the scene well, 34 takes.  He’d never done ADR before though – Automated Dialogue Replacement – where you can change the inflexion, emphasis, tone, shade and meaning of a line just by using your voice and matching the lip movements on screen in front of you precisely.  Movie magic.  Some actors hate it, I made friends with the process very early on after I had to voice the whole of my performance as Danny in Withnail & I for the US market. The test screenings had indicated that audience members couldn’t understand what he was saying.  Who could? I did that piece of work at Twickenham Studios in 1987 where the engineer consoled me having to re-do my entire performance at the same speed except more intelligibly by telling me that Michael Caine had done Alfie and Bob Hoskins had also done The Long Good Friday for America.  And yet we were expected to understand Stallone’s mumbles or Pacino’s – hey that’s what it means to be an outlying part of The Empire right?  I can’t remember if I’ve ever seen the US version of Withnail but I suspect it would be a bad idea.  But having said that the experience toughened me up for future sessions.  Especially the Alien 3 session which was two long days – the reason for that was the amount of atmospheric smoke and steam in the design of the film which was very noisy to produce.  Often back in the day on big movies the Sound Department knew that they were recording a guide track only, to be completed and polished in ADR.  So here we were down on W. Olympic and David says – if I’d known about ADR in Pinewood I would never have done 34 takes just for a vocal inflection…

It’s hard to recall now in 2019 how difficult that experience was.  Jenny can remember quite clearly how I would come home every day, full of doubt, full of worry and anguish, just because I was trying to do my best work.  What a fantastic opportunity for me, but you know I was running fast just to stand still.   I remember a visual image I used to produce while trying to explain it to friends, as a learning curve which came from my chest, looped back over my head and stabbed me in the back.  I wondered if, at some point, whether the fact that we were making a horror film in space meant that we had to have a horrible experience in space.  I called Richard E. Grant one day who was shooting Hudson Hawk in Italy – another picnic – and he asked me how much I was getting. I told him. He said

“well – that’s the amount of shit you have to eat then.”

I could almost understand why Bill Drummond had formed The K.L.F.

  My Pop Life #220 : 3am Eternal (Live at the S.S.L.) – The K.L.F. 3am Eternal (Live at the S.S.L.) - The K.L.F. ( The Ancients of Mu Mu )

#Alien 3 #Bill Drummond #Brian Glover #Charles Dance #Chris Carreras #Danny Webb #David Fincher #Jimmy Cauty #Kylie Minogue #Paul McGann #Sigourney Weaver #The Illuminatus Trilogy

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[Qsc_asuw] Week 8 Newsletter

Welcome to Week Eight! <3  

       QTBIPOC Artist        Spotlight of the Week:         Amira is a queer, black, multiracial        artist who specializes in drawing, painting, and makeup art. She        is a University of Washington sophomore majoring in psychology, and art        offers her an avenue to express herself and her beliefs. She uses        social media as a platform to share her work and to gain inspiration.        Support her at paypal.me/amiranaf !

The Queer & Trans People of        Color Alliance (QTPOCA) will be        meeting this Friday in the ECC Asian room! 

The Global Struggle        Against Policing: From Seattle to Palestine        (Wednesday, February        27, 2019) 3:30 PM - 5 PM @ University of Washington School of Law        4293 Memorial Way, Seattle, Washington 98195                Event Description:       

This             will be a two-prong event. First, there will be an educational             presentation about US-Israel police partnerships, including             exchange trips that bring together police, ICE, border patrol, and             FBI from the US with soldiers, police, and from Israel. In these             programs, harmful practices are shared to promote and extend             discriminatory surveillance and policing in both countries.

        Following             the presentation, there will be a panel of community-organizers             who will highlight their experiences resisting policing across             different social movements and borders. In linking issues of             militarism, imperialism, border enforcement, racism, colonialism,             and surveillance, MLSA strives to build a conversation that             interconnects communities in their struggle against policing.

        Hosted             by The Minority Law Student Association (MLSA) as a part of UW             Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion Week at UW Law.       

Room #: TBD                ACCESSIBILITY        INFORMATION:       

The             front entrance is wheel-chair accessible (with a ramp and             automatic doors). The hallways are very wide and not carpeted, and             there are all-gender (multi-stall) and single occupancy bathrooms             near the main entrance to the school.

        This             map shows accessible walk-ways on campus: https://facilities.uw.edu/.../ada-route-print-map-jan2019...,             as well as the location of the accessible entrance to the school             (the school is the William Gates Hall).

        There             will be light refreshments (some vegetarian, no gluten-free or             dairy-free). We will not provide drinks but there are water             fountains (the type you can refill a bottle in).

        The             building is not scent free, but we ask folks coming to this event             to minimize scents. Please feel free to message or comment about             any other access needs or questions.

La Comunidad: LGBT+        Members of the Caravan        (Monday, February 25,        2019) 7 - 9 PM @ Thomson        Hall (THO) 101                Join us to hear Owen Harris and Simon Fox discuss conditions for LGBT+        members of the caravan and the ongoing efforts of these organizations        and activists on both sides of the border. They will present photos and        video testimonials from interviews with LGBT+ caravan members and then        open a Q&A session about LGBT+ members of the Caravan and efforts        on the ground to support them.       

In             the last few months there has been a huge surge in demand for             shelter for migrants and asylum seekers on the border with Mexico,             and in December 2018, Owen Harris and Simon Fox travelled to             Tijuana to support efforts by organizations and activists on the             ground to establish a permanent shelter for LGBT+ migrants and             asylum seekers, including members of "the caravan," to             ensure that the LGBT+ population has a safe and adequate place to             eat, bathe, and rest.

        Many             of those arriving at the border need treatment for chronic             illnesses including HIV, hormone treatments for trans folks,             scabies treatment, safe food and drinking water, first aid and             mental health support. Local activists and organizations including             Enclave Caracol and COCUT are working to connect those arriving at             the border with the resources they need.      

About the speakers:        Owen Harris - co-founder of Safe Place International and currently a        Master's student in the Jackson School of International Studies and the        Evans School of Public Policy and Governance who has previously worked        with LGBT+ refugees and asylum seekers in Mexico, Turkey, Greece,        Lebanon, and Bangladesh.                Simon Fox - a Seattle native and film-maker who studied journalism and        international studies at the UW and has spent the last three years        working to tell the stories of refugees and migration through film.

But Can I Pay My Rent Tho?!: Surviving as a TQPOC Artist @ Gay City:        Seattle's LGBTQ Center        (Thursday, February        28, 2019) 6 - 9 PM)

But Can I Pay My Rent Tho?!:        Surviving as a TQPOC Artist        Feb. 28 (Part 1) & Mar. 7 (Part 2)        Free (Donations Accepted at gaycity.org/donate)                Without art, there can be no movements. Yet, artists are often        unrewarded for being the drivers of change, which has created a culture        of unsustainable practices. In particular, being a Black/Brown artist        who is along the trans and/or queer spectrum means that we are more at risk        of being underpaid and undervalued for our brilliance. This workshop        will make space for trans & queer artists of color to develop        long-term strategies towards a life supported by their creative work.        Participants of these sessions are artists and cultural producers of        all disciplines who are ready to build a career from their practice.        Part 1 (Feb. 28) will focus on evaluating your financial needs and        plans as an artist. Part 2 (Mar. 7) will recharge your marketing needs        and put your plan into action. This workshop will intentionally engage        a framework of dismantling anti-Blackness, white supremacy,        transphobia, and more as we imagine the role of TQPOC artists creating        their own liberation.                FACILITATOR BIO:        J Mase III is a Black/Trans/Queer poet based in Seattle by way of NYC.        A blogger for the Huffington Post, he is the author of “If I Should Die        Under the Knife, Tell My Kidney I was the Fiercest Poet Around” as well        as "And Then I Got Fired: One Transqueer's Reflections on Grief,        Unemployment and Inappropriate Jokes About Death." As an educator,        Mase has worked with thousands of community members in the US, UK, and        Canada on the needs of LGBTQIA youth and adults in spaces such as k-12        schools, universities, faith communities, and restricted care facilities        among others. He is the founder of the international performance tour        "Cupid Ain’t @#$%!: An Anti-Valentine’s Day Poetry Movement"        and of awQward, the first ever trans & queer people of color        specific talent agency.                You can find him on Facebook, Twitter, and awQwardtalent.com.                Sponsored by Gay City: Seattle's LGBTQ Center and Ingersoll Gender        Center                ACCESSIBILITY        INFORMATION: 

The             Calamus Auditorium at Gay City is ADA accessible & minimally             scented. 

        There             are two single-stall all-gender restrooms.

        There             will be scent free soap in the restrooms. More info: gaycity.org/access             

A Poetry Reading with        Terisa Siagatonu        (Tuesday, February 26        2019) 6:30 PM - 8:30 PM @ UW "wǝɫǝbʔaltxʷ" Intellectual House      

Join             the ASUW Pacific Islander Student Commission as we welcome Samoan             poet, educator, speaker, and activist, Terisa Siagatonu!                         The night will consists of poems and conversation around topics of             identity and intersectionality.                         Admission is FREE!                         About Terisa (from her website @ terisasiagatonu.com):             Terisa Siagatonu is an award-winning poet, teaching artist, mental             health educator, and community leader born and rooted in the Bay             Area. Her presence in the poetry world as a queer Samoan woman and             activist has granted her opportunities to perform and speak in             places ranging from the White House (during the Obama             administration) to the UN Conference on Climate Change in Paris,             France. The most memorable moment in her career was receiving             President Obama’s Champion of Change Award in 2012 for her             activism as a spoken word poet/organizer in her Pacific Islander             community.             ...             With numerous viral poetry videos garnering over millions of views             collectively, Terisa's writing blends the personal, cultural, and             political in a way that calls for healing, courage, justice, and             truth.             ...             Offstage, Terisa creates and facilitates workshops, leads artistic             and professional development trainings, provides mental health             clinical support, and delivers keynote speeches across the country             on issues that inform her 10+ years of community work involving:             youth advocacy, educational attainment, Pacific Islander/Indigenous             rights, climate change, LGBTQQIA rights, gender-based violence,             and others. She holds a Bachelors degree in Community Studies and             minor in Education from the University of California- Santa Cruz             and a Masters Degree in Marriage/Family Therapy from the             University of Southern California (USC), aiming to use her             background as a mental health clinician and poet to bridge the             gaps in our quest for collective healing and liberation.       

That We        Should Be Heirs Writing Workshop         (Friday, March        8 2019) 5:30 PM - 7 PM @ Othello Commons        4200 S Othello St, Seattle, WA 98118-3843                A call to immigrant and refugee families to participate in a        collaborative arts project from our colleagues at the Southeast Asia Center at        the University of Washington:       

Refugees             and immigrants are invited to contribute handwritten letters about             their experiences as a method of alleviating burden and promoting             healing. UW visiting artist Trinh Mai will then roll and bind             these letters with string, forming a small scroll enclosing and             concealing the words. These will be displayed as part of an art             exhibit at Seattle's Gould Gallery from April 3 - May 3. 

        UW             Faculty members Linh Nguyen and Jenna Grant will lead the workshop             where you can write your story in a supportive, communal space.             All are welcome to take part in this collaborative project for             empowerment and voice, then view the exhibit. Paper and pencils             will be provided. 

How The Body Hold's        It's Stories        (Thursday,        February 28, 2019) 7 PM - 9 PM

Hugo House 1634 11th Ave,          Seattle, Washington 98122     

How             do our bodies hold onto experiences? How do generations of people             of color, queer and trans people, and others who have experienced             marginalization carry those stories over generations? Join writers             Jordan Alam and Tessa Zeng for a reading and conversation on             feeling a story in your bones and translating it to the page.             Musician Lex Gavin will also perform.                         ABOUT THE PERFORMERS:             Jordan Alam is a queer Bangladeshi-American writer, performer, and             social change educator based out of Seattle. Her work engages with             moments of rupture and transformation in the lives of people on             the margins. Jordan’s work is heavily engaged in the ? community,             and she is a current Kundiman Pacific Northwest co-chair and             4Culture Artist Grant recipient. Her short stories and articles             have appeared in The Atlantic, CultureStrike Magazine, The Rumpus,             and AAWW’s The Margins; she has spoken at events including the             Aspen Ideas Festival and the Eyes on Bangladesh exhibition. She is             also the founder of the Asian American social justice publication,             Project As [I] Am (http://www.project-as-i-am.com).             Most recently, she has completed a fellowship with Town Hall             Seattle to create collaborative performance pieces about stories             of the body and been editing a draft of her debut novel.                         Lex Gavin is a multidisciplinary artist living in Seattle. Their             brain (and thus their work) grapples with paradox, perception,             nuance, and the failures of identity. They are interested in             magic, neuroscience/somatics/epigenetics, and human systems. When             they are not neglecting their creative pursuits, they work in the             youth development field and play in the kitchen.                         Tessa Zeng is a writer, systems change advocate, and co-creative             maker. She has been published in various poetry anthologies and             journals, and received an Individualized BA from Goddard College             for her work on social misrecognition. With their work, they hope             to create beautiful experiences of interconnection and recognition             that can heal traumas caused by oppressive structures.    

ACCESSIBILITY        INFORMATION:     

The             new Hugo House is fully ADA-compliant. If you require             specific accommodations, please contact us so that we             may assist you. 

        There             are gender-neutral bathrooms. 

        Public             transportation: The new Hugo House is a short walk from             the Capitol Hill light rail station and the First Hill streetcar             (Broadway & Pike-Pine stop) and within a half-mile of many             buses, including routes 8, 10, 11, 43, 49, and 60.

        Parking: A pay parking lot is             available nearby at the Greek Orthodox Church at 13th and Howell,             or at Seattle Central College’s Harvard Garage at 1609 Harvard             Avenue. Street parking is also available but not             guaranteed. The garage beneath Hugo House is for tenants             only.

A Certain Type        of Brilliance        (Friday, March        1, 2019) 7 PM - 9 PM @ Gay City: Seattle's LGBTQ Center        517 E Pike St, Seattle, Washington 98122      

Femmes             possess an alchemy that can’t be quantified, but which draws us             together and enables us to be bold, ingenious, and capable of a magic             that fortifies our own hearts and the soul of the community around             us. A Certain Type of Brilliance is a celebration of femmes’             ability to pull amazing things out of thin air, to create on a             dime, to use our vulnerability and creativity as our greatest             assets in resistance to oppression.

        The             production features a unique cast each night; performers will             create a new piece of work in the 24 hours prior to the show in             response to one of a series of prompts, drawing on themes of             resistance, resilience, femme identity & power.       

Other Dates:   

SATURDAY             March 2 (7:00 PM - 9:00 PM)

        SUNDAY             March 3 (7:00 PM - 9:00 PM)       

ACCESSIBILITY        INFORMATION: https://www.gaycity.org/accessibility/         

There              are two steps from the auditorium/library hallway to Kaladi Bros              Coffee and to go to the restrooms. In order to go between the              coffee shop/restrooms and the auditorium/library without using              any steps, you will need to go outside and enter through the              other external door.

Winter Quarter        Social Justice Film Series        (Wednesday, February        27, 2019) 6:30 PM       

The             Kelly ECC is back with another social justice film series for             winter quarter!

        Each             Wednesday evening at 6:30, we'll be screening a film in the main             lobby! We hope to see you there!   

February's Focus: Black History        Month        March's Focus: Women's History Month        ------        FILM LINE-UP        • February 27: Dark Girls        • March 6: Ladies First        • March 13: Neerja                ACCESSIBILITY        INFORMATION:      

The             Samuel E. Kelly Ethnic Cultural Center is near landmarks such as             Alder Hall and Lander Hall.

        For             a map, search HUB on the campus maps: www.washington.edu/maps

        The             ECC’s front entrance is wheelchair accessible. There is an             elevator in the building.

        There             are universal, all-gender bathrooms in the building, as well as             gender binary bathrooms with multiple stalls.

        The             ECC is not kept scent-free, but we ask that you do not wear             scented/fragranced products (e.g. perfume, hair products) or             essential oils to/in the event in order to make the space             accessible to those with chemical injury or multiple chemical             sensitivity.       

University District Metro Bus        Routes can be found here: metro.kingcounty.gov/tops/bus/neighborhoods/university_district.html

Sister Spit 2019 x NW        Film Forum        (Thursday, February        28, 2019) 7 PM - 9 PM @ Northwest Film Forum        1515 12th Ave, Seattle, Washington 98122        7 artists        2 hours of QTPOC brilliance                ACCESSIBILITY        INFORMATION:     

The             main floor of the Forum, including the theaters and lobby, are             accessible via a ramp. We have one restroom on the main floor             built to ADA standards.

        An             affordable pay parking lot is available 3 blocks from the             Northwest Film Forum at the Greek Orthodox Church at 13th and             Howell.

        Street             parking is metered from 8:00 a.m. – 10:00 p.m., Monday – Saturday,             and free all day on Sundays.    

Lineup:         ▼KATIE FRICAS▼        Katie Fricas is a cartoonist and library worker from New York City. She        makes non-fiction essay comics about art, politics, cultural events,        oddities, and hidden histories in a wiggly, sloppy style for various        publications and websites. She got her start illustrating for $pread        Magazine (R.I.P) and self-publishing a comic about her life called        Blabbermouth. Her work pops up in various anthologies, including the        2018 Ignatz Award-winning book, Comics for Choice, and she's also        published comics in the Guardian, Hyperallergic, the New Yorker, and a        bunch of other shiny places. Her series Checked Out, about almost a        decade spent working at NYC's oldest Library, appears regularly on the        website Spiralbound. When she isn't scuttling all over NYC for work or        elbow-deep in ink, she can be found scanning the funnie pages.                ▼CRISTY ROAD▼        Cristy C. Road is a Cuban-American artist, writer, and musician.        Through visual art, storytelling, and punk rock music, C.Road has        thrived to testify the beauty of the imperfect since she began creating        art in her hometown of Miami, FL. She grew up as a self-taught figure        drawing artist with a penchant for all things that questioned society        and began publishing Green'Zine in 1997-- a fanzine which was        originally devoted to the punk rock group, Green Day. C.Road graduated        from the the Ringling School of Art and Design in 2004 with a BFA in        Illustration. In early 2006, C.Road released her first illustrated        novel, Indestructible (Microcosm Publishing), a 96-page narrative about        high school; and later in 2007, a collection of postcards entitled        Distance Makes The Heart Grow Sick (Microcosm Publishing). In 2008, she        released Bad Habits (Soft Skull Press), an Illustrated story about        healing from an abusive relationship; and lastly in 2013, her most        recent book, Spit and Passion (Feminist Press, 2012), is a coming-out        memoir about Cuban identity, discovering Green Day, and surviving in        the closet. C.Road's current project is The Next World Tarot (2017), a        78-card tarot deck detailing themes of justice, knowledge,        accountability, and reclaimed magic.                ▼AUSTIN HERNANDEZ▼        Austin Hernandez is a Tejano designer and writer living in Brooklyn.        His creative work is strongly influenced by his mom's second-wave        feminist teachings, his family's Mexican-American or Hispanic or        Chicanx or Mexica or "just American" origins, and high school        riot grrrl mix tapes. Through traveling, sharing, and storytelling by        film and spoken word, he focuses on the feeling of estrangement from        society and analyzing seemingly conflicting identities—transman with        strong lesbian roots, a monolingual mestizo with bilingual family, and        a working-class Texan, raised on homemade flour tortillas and fast        food, turned tech anti-bro. He recently left an international corporate        life to become a civic technologist, improving the ways governments        provide services to the public. He sits on the board of directors for        Maven, a nonprofit that empowers LGBTQ+ youth to use technology for        social change.                ▼KATHERINE AGARD▼        Katherine is an interdisciplinary artist and writer from Trinidad and        Tobago. She recently graduated from the MFA program in Writing from UC        - San Diego and now lives in San Francisco. You can find her writing in        Yes Femmes, Anmly, the Black Warrior Review and forthcoming in Feminist        Studies.                ▼BARUCH PORRAS HERNANDEZ▼        Baruch Porras Hernandez is a queer Mexican Immigrant from Toluca,        Mexico. He is a writer, performer, storyteller, playwright and stand-up        comedian, a two-time winner of Literary Death Match, a Lambda Literary        Poetry Fellow, a Lambda Literary Playwriting Fellow, a two-time        Pushcart Prize nominee, and was named a Bay Area Writer to Watch! in        2016 by 7×7 San Francisco Magazine. He is the founder and host of        ¿Donde Esta Mi Gente? Latinx Literary Series, a regular KQED Arts host,        and was the Voice of Shipwreck SF Erotic Fan Fiction Competition and        podcast for four years and hosted the legendary SF Queer Open Mic for 7        years. His poems have been published in several anthologies and        journals, both online and in print. Last summer he had the honor of        being an artist in residence at the Ground Floor Summer Lab with        Berkeley Repertory Theatre. He lives in San Francisco.                ▼IMANI SIMS▼        Imani Sims is a curator, alchemist, and author. She believes in the        healing power of ritual, performance art, and the power of words. She        is the Curator of Kitchen Sessions, a running show series in        collaboration with Central District Forum for Arts and Ideas, Bellevue        Art Museum, Seattle Art Museum, and Theater Off Jackson. Her goal is to        continue to shift the social narrative by providing artists of color        with resources that empower and display our stories in public spaces        all over the nation. Her book (A)live Heart is available on Sibling        Rivalry Press.When she isn't working, you can find her on the couch        with a chilled glass of rose.                ▼JULIANA DELGADO LOPERA▼        Juliana Delgado Lopera is an award-winning Colombian writer, historian        based in San Francisco. The recipient of the 2014 Jackson Literary        award, and a finalist of the Clark- Gross Novel award, she’s the author        of ¡Cuéntamelo! an illustrated bilingual collection of oral histories        by LGBT Latinx immigrants (Aunt Lute 2017) which won a 2018 Lambda        Literary Award and Quiéreme (Nomadic Press 2017). She's received        fellowships from Brush Creek Foundation of the Arts, Lambda Literary        Foundation, Yerba Buena Center for the Arts and The SF Grotto, and an        individual artist grant from the SF Arts Commission. Her work has been        nominated for a Pushcart Prize and published in various publications.        She’s the creative director of RADAR Productions.        SPECIAL GUEST: Jessica Ry’Cheal

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