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mysecretlittlelibrary · 22 days

Text

Touch Tank

Pairing: Loki x Reader

Word Count: 5.5k (look it wasn't supposed to be this many- my characters got away from me)

Warnings: sheesh, oral (f receiving), fingering, handjob, creampie, Loki is very soft and worshiping, unprotected sex (be safe) I think that's it idk this is kind of mild compared to some of my other stuff- could be waaaay more raunchy lmao

Genre: fluff, smut

Summary: Loki is not the easiest person to get close to, but you're not deterred by his standoffishness. He deserves a friend in the tower and you're determined to be at least that much.

He's so pretty when he goes down on me // he tells me he's gentle when he wants to be // I think he wants to be gentle with me ~ Touch Tank by Quinnie

***

You rush down the hall, excited for your night out with a group of your non-Avenger friends. You make a point to see your other friends as often as you can to balance those relationships with your ones on the team. After all, living with the Avengers means that you see them all the time, but being an Avenger is not all there is to you. Walking into the main room you're surprised to see Loki sitting at the kitchen counter, just kind of staring at nothing.

"You alright Lo?" You ask him carefully. Your question seems to pull him out of whatever trance he was in.

"I'm fine." He says, though his face isn't convincing.

"Okay? Happy staring- I'm going out so- I'll see you later then." You frown heading over to the main elevator. Loki's not exactly close to anyone in the tower except Thor, and even that he'd argue is false but you always make a point to include him even when the others ignore him a bit. As you ride down to street level you can't help but wonder what has him so pensive up there by himself. On the street, waiting for a taxi to flag down, you can't get yourself to shake Loki from your mind so- reluctantly you dial one of your friends.

"Y/n!" Your friend's excited voice practically yells down the line.

"Hey! Listen, you know I hate to do this, and I wouldn't if it wasn't important, but I'm not going to be able to make it out tonight, something's come up. I'm okay, I just can't come. You guys have fun! I want loads of pictures and a play-by-play once one of you returns to life tomorrow yeah?"

"Aw we're gonna miss you!"

"Ditto! But I'll see you guys soon! Tell the girls I said hi!" You say.

"Of course! Take care, and call if you need anything!"

"Same to you!" You blow a kiss as you end the call and sigh. "Dammit Loki." You roll your eyes as you turn around and go back inside. You ride the elevator back up to the main floor where Loki is still sitting at the counter. You knock on the counter in front of him and grab a bottle of water from the fridge.

"Aren't you meant to be going somewhere?" Loki's eyes narrow at you.

"I was, but I called my friend on my way down and she's actually not feeling too hot so we decided it'd be best to reschedule once she's feeling better." You shrug. You know better than to tell him you cancelled your plans because you saw him moping at the counter. He'd flip at the first possible hint of you pitying him, even though that isn't what this is.

"I see."

"Do you want to watch a movie or something?" You offer.

"What?" He scoffs.

"Well- I was supposed to be spending time interacting with people tonight and that fell through but I'd feel kinda bummed if I spent the whole evening alone now after all the mental prep to be social so if you can be so terribly bothered to hang out for a bit I'd- value that." You say. Loki looks you over as he considers your words and then he sighs.

"I suppose I could spare a few hours, but only because I can't stand watching you mope around the tower the way you do whenever you're disappointed, it's pathetic. But this favor is a huge inconvenience to me I just want you to know that." He says and you have to fight the urge to smile. You know the show of bravado is for his own sake more than anything, and you're willing to let him have it, but it's funny to think of how much rationalizing he's doing to convince himself it's alright to spend time with you.

"Your sacrifice is both duly noted and greatly appreciated. I can offer you compensation in the form of a meal or freshly baked cookies." You say. Loki's eyes light up very briefly at the offer of cookies, he'll never admit it out loud but he loves your baking, he always eats almost half a tray when you make them.

"You know Midgardian food has very little appeal to me, but I suppose a batch of cookies will do." He says with feigned disinterest.

"Do you want them now or at a later date?"

"I have no interest in dragging this out, so now would be better."

"Alright, give me five minutes to change, I'll make you some cookies and we can throw on a movie." You smile at him. You change out of your dress and into a hoodie and shorts. Twenty minutes later you're sat with a tray of cookies and a few other small bites with some random sitcom on the TV.

"I don't understand the point of this. Is there even a plotline?" Loki scoffs.

"Yes but only a little one."

"A little one?"

"So there are a number of shows that you can throw on and watch out of order with little consequence. Like if you do watch every episode in order there is a throughline of like character development and life changes but if you jump into, let's say, season 3 episode 2, you'll just see some funny little antics that are mostly inconsequential and chances are will not come up again until maybe the finale where they recount all their little goofs over the years." You explain.

"Why?"

"Mindless entertainment? It's nice to have something to watch that you don't have to be aware of watching." You shrug. "Lots of shows have complex storylines and characters that need to be paid attention to in order to comprehend what you're watching. Sometimes you don't want to do all of that." You shrug.

"If you don't want to think about what you're watching, why watch anything?" He frowns.

"Pass the time, fill the silence, any number of things. Like we have one on but we're talking now so we're not really paying it any attention, but because it's a sitcom we're not missing anything vital because there's nothing vital to miss. And when this conversation lulls to a stop we'll just tune back in and pick up wherever it's at."

"Your Midgardian habits are very strange." Loki hums.

"What do you do when you're bored and want to be entertained without much effort?" You ask him.

"That specific phenomenon I'm not quite familiar with. If I'm bored, I read, practice spells, on Asgard there wasn't much time for boredom." He shrugs.

"Well, things are different on Midgard. And seeing as you hate everyone and everything about this place you may find yourself well acquainted with that specific phenomenon sooner than you might think." You say.

You gotta say you're pretty proud of your ability to interact positively with Loki. When he first started living here you never would've guessed you'd be watching movies and having silly conversations like this. He's always been rather closed off from the team but perhaps that's something you can actually work around.

*~*~*

"Loki!" You call when you catch him in the hall.

"What?" He rolls his eyes.

"Are you busy?" You ask.

"Why?" His eyes narrow suspiciously.

"Well I was meant to go to the aquarium with Thor today-"

"Thor is on Asgard." Loki says.

"Yes exactly." You nod. You weren't meant to do anything with Thor today, but it seems the key to the trickster god is minor deceptions.

"Did he forget you were going to this 'aquarium' today?"

"It would appear so. Which- I'm not mad about really but these tickets did cost money and I can't exchange them for another date so I was hoping you'd be able to replace him that way the ticket doesn't go to waste." You explain to him.

"You don't have anyone else you could ask?" He huffs.

"Not on such short notice." You shake your head.

"How short is short notice?"

"We need to be there in forty minutes."

"Oh you have got to be kidding me." Loki scoffs.

"If you come with me, when we get back I'll bake you a batch of cookies." You offer. It seems to be the easiest way to get him to do things. You watch Loki contemplate for a moment before he caves to his inner discussion although you're not sure there was much of a debate once you offered baked goods.

"Very well, I'll go so you don't waste your money, but you can't keep bringing your nonsense to me in exchange for cookies." He says.

"Of course not!" You smile knowing damn well you will be doing it again if you see fit. Loki will never admit to enjoying your company or wanting you to make him cookies, but considering he always accepts your offers and never truly complains when you're together, you know the irritation is only a front. "We'll leave in 15 minutes 'kay?"

"Very well." He says. You head back to your room to get yourself together and 15 minutes later you meet Loki by the kitchen.

"Ready Lo?" You ask.

"Yes let's get on with it." He says. You loop your arm through his as you leave the tower and you're surprised he doesn't protest the contact, but you won't bring it up. At the aquarium, you excitedly talk about all your favorite exhibits as you walk from section to section. "So what was the plan exactly?" Loki asks.

"What?"

"With Thor, why were you bringing him here in the first place?"

"Oh! Well because there's a lot he still wants to learn about Earth so I've been trying to take him places where he can learn a number of things at the same time." You shrug.

"And how is that going?"

"We've done the zoo and a couple of museums already so I'd say not bad. Oh, we're by the jellyfish, you should see the touch tank!" You say.

"The what now?" Loki frowns. You grab his hand and lead him to the shallow tank of water off to one side.

"This is a touch tank. These are jellyfish, they're like 95% water and don't have brains, some of them are dangerous, but these ones are pretty harmless and you can touch them! Only on the tops of their heads though. Like this." You lift his hand up and push down all but two of his fingers and then slowly, you guide his hand into the water. "You have to be gentle." You tell him softly as you let his fingers touch the top of a moon jelly in the pool. You turn to Loki with a small smile only to find him already looking at you very intensely.

"I'm quite gentle when I want to be." He says quietly. You step back a bit and clear your throat, dipping your own fingers in to touch a jellyfish for yourself.

"Well I hope you want to be gentle with the moon jellies. This is one of my favorite things here." You tell him.

"So anyone can just walk up and pet the jellyfish?"

"Yeah! Isn't it cool?"

"Sure." He nods.

"Wait till you see some of the other Jellyfish they've got here! They're insane!" You take his hand again and walk further into the jellyfish exhibit.

"They have more open tanks of creatures?"

"Oh- no all the other Jellyfish are in closed tanks." You giggle.

"Just as well, you said some are dangerous, no?"

"Well, yes, but aren't they just so beautiful?" You say looking at one of the tanks.

"Breathtaking." Loki says before he can help himself. He clears his throat, lucky you're so captivated with the floating water creatures that you don't even notice his eyes on you as opposed to the exhibits.

"Thank you for coming with me." You tell him.

"You bribed me."

"True- but you still could have said no. Especially since you're not even a fan of our, how do you say it? 'Mediocre Midgardian food'."

"Yes well, you pout when you're disappointed and it's incredibly displeasing to see. The whole tower suffers your moods. And while Midgardian food is mediocre yours is- the least. Plus I can rub this in Thor's face."

"I see you really weighed those pros and cons." You chuckle.

"I must. If I'm to disrupt my entire afternoon on such short notice." He shrugs. You roll your eyes and pull him through to the next exhibit but the smile on your face can't be hidden.

~*~*~

You hum to yourself as you enter the tower library.

"Good morning Loki." You say immediately spotting him on one of the lounge chairs. He's always in here, it's like his sanctuary and over the last few weeks you've found it easy to interact with him.

"It's 3pm y/n."

"It's morning somewhere Lo, time is arbitrary, don't be a grump." You shrug.

"What are you doing here anyway?" He rolls his eyes.

"Utilizing the insane collection of books we have considering there's only like 3 people living here that would ever pick up a book for from here."

"You've been coming here a lot lately."

"Why should you be the only one taking advantage of this big otherwise undisturbed room?"

"The best part of this room is that none of you come here."

"If you want to not run the risk of having to interact with anyone who lives here to might I suggest your room which has a lock on it." You smile brightly.

"Very funny." Loki scoffs.

"I thought so too!" You snap back. Loki gives you a dry look.

"Must you be so-"

"Charming? Witty? Adorable?"

"Not quite the adjectives I would've chosen." He says.

"Well next time finish your sentence." You wink at him.

"Are you trying to get under my skin?"

"Of course not! But it's pretty easy."

"Why must you bother me?" His eyes narrow.

"Maybe because you like talking to me more than you want to admit."

"And why would you think that?"

"Because you always do."

"Do what?"

"I'm sure you can figure that out." You say turning to leave the library.

"Do what y/n!?" He calls after you. "You didn't even get a book!" He shouts as the library doors close behind you. Loki frowns to himself for a moment and then decides to contact the only person he'd ever go to for advice on any subject. A looking glass spell slowly brings Frigga to life above his palm.

"Mother." He gets her attention.

"Loki?" Frigga picks up her looking glass with a smile. "Hello my darling boy. So lovely to hear from you. Thor tells me you're well."

"In the physical sense, yes." Loki nods.

"What troubles you my dear son?"

"I think Midgardian women might be more confusing than those on Asgard." Loki says.

"A woman? Do you feel for her?"

"Don't be ridiculous mother." Loki's words come out as a breathless chuckle.

"It is not ridiculous. She plagues your mind. Why, if you do not feel for her?"

"Truthfully I'm not sure." He frowns.

"Have you considered that you feel for her?"

"How would I know?"

"I believe the fact that you are asking may perhaps be a strong indicator already. This girl, do you see her often?"

"She lives here so yes." He nods.

"I mean intentionally darling." Frigga smiles.

"What?"

"Walking past her in the hallways is not quite what I'm referring to."

"Oh- well she's the least insufferable person here so- sometimes, yes. Though it's usually her bribing me to do things when her other plans fall through."

"What do you mean?"

"Well she invited me to this water creature house they call an aquarium a couple of weeks ago because Thor forgot he was meant to go with her."

"Are you sure Thor was meant to go with her?" She asks.

"I don't follow." Loki shakes his head.

"I wonder if this girl is playing tricks on my trickster." Frigga smiles knowingly.

"Do you overestimate her or underestimate me to believe I could be outsmarted by a mortal?"

"It is not a blow Loki, be calm my son. She plagues your mind when she is not there, she has made her way to a spot many people never have the pleasure of knowing within you. I believe she has stolen your heart and even you do not know it yet."

"What makes you think that?"

"In all your years Loki you have never once asked me about a girl. And this one seems to have you quite... wrapped."

"I resent that notion." He scoffs.

"What made you contact me?"

"Well she was-" Loki stops himself, his mother has already decided Loki is a goner, perhaps he shouldn't feed her any more information.

"She was with you Loki?"

"I spend a lot of time in the library. She came by and we had a short conversation that's all."

"What did she say?" Frigga asks.

"She thinks I like her more than I do. Or rather more than I will admit. I asked her why and she refused to answer."

"Well- what would lead her to believe that?"

"I have no idea." Loki scoffs.

"How is your relationship with her different than with the others?"

"I don't speak to the others. I only speak to her and Thor."

"Tell me about her."

"She is- happy, but not like Thor- his happiness is loud and aggressive she is- a calmer happiness. She seems to be crucial to the peace in this madhouse. Not for me, for everyone. She's also frustratingly smart, she has a comeback for everything and- it's nice to feel as though someone on this dreadful planet can match me- even if I find it vexing at times. Also she bakes- I don't quite enjoy Midgardian food but her treats are quite good though I refuse to tell her that-"

"I'm sure she knows." Frigga says with a soft smile.

"Why are you smiling like that."

"If you could see your face when you speak of this girl you would know like I know that your heart is no longer yours."

"My heart is very much still-"

"No darling. You may not realize but your mind has already given your heart to her. Follow your heart to her. Allow yourself to go there. It will do you good and you deserve it."

"Mother I cannot." He shakes his head.

"You can, and I suggest you do soon. If you do not tell her she has your heart you risk her unknowingly breaking it. Though I sense she is more aware than you may think. Certainly she's more aware than you are."

"You keep saying that-"

"There was no day planned with Thor. I would bet money she wanted to go with you, but you are a tricky thing. To catch fox you must think like one."

"What do I do mother? If you are right and this girl does have me, what do I do?" Loki asks.

"Be kind, be honest, be true. Don't wait too long." Frigga warns.

"Don't wait too long?" He frowns.

"Yes child, that woman will not wait forever for you to wake up."

"What if she is not waiting?"

"You misunderstand. I'm not saying she is waiting on you to come to your senses what I'm saying is that affections change one day she may not enjoy your time as she does now, someone serious may woo her and you miss your chance entirely, stars forbid it but something could happen to her or you. Do not get in your own way Loki, you have a tendency to do that."

"I do not get in my own way."

"Loki." Frigga says, leveling her son with an unimpressed look.

"I will consider your advice mother thank you." Loki cedes.

"Good. I will expect an update soon so be prepared for me to check in."

"Of course mother. Take care."

"You too my son." Frigga sets her looking glass down and Loki disconnects his end of the spell with a sigh. If Frigga is correct, Loki has much to consider, and rather quickly based on her warnings.

*~*~*

When the door to the library opens you don't bother looking up. The book you're reading is far too interesting to stop mid-page.

"What are you doing?" Loki jumps when he walks passed you. You look up momentarily, debating how badly you want to make a stupid joke.

"I'm practicing my backhand spring." You say flatly.

"You're sitting on the couch?"

"I'm also holding a book and yet you asked what I'm doing. I don't know what answer you expected honestly." You shrug.

"I just meant you're not usually sitting around in here."

"Is reading in the library that odd to you?" You chuckle.

"Well- no. I was just expecting the library to be empty." He says.

"Would you like me to leave?"

"Why would you offer to leave? You were here first."

"Yeah but I can read anywhere. Your hermit tendencies limit your spaces far more than mine."

"I am not a hermit." Loki rolls his eyes.

"Of course not." You hum.

"I'm not. I just have no desire to waste my time having unintelligent conversations with the uncultured morons that live here."

"Well don't let me bother you then."

"Not you, the others. And you can obviously stay."

"Why thank you for deeming me worthy enough to stay in your presence." You quip dramatically.

"It's not as if you care what I deem anyhow."

"True, that was sarcasm. Happy reading." You turn your attention back to your book and though Loki would like the conversation to continue he can't think of anything to say to justify pulling your focus from the book you're so clearly captivated by. You're in the library with your book for a few more hours and during that time Loki cannot help the way his eyes wander to you every so often, he doesn't even realize it's happening at first but once he does his mother's words that have been in his head for the past 2 weeks ring even louder.

~*~*~

"Y/n!" Wanda practically sings as she walks, no from the sound of it she's skipping, over to you at the kitchen island.

"Yes Wanda my dear?" You chuckle, setting your sandwich back on its plate.

"You know our coffee shop?"

"Around the block?"

"Yep!" She nods.

"What of it?"

"Well I heard through the grapevine that someone who works there has a crush on you."

"You heard- through the grapevine?" You quirk up an eyebrow at her.

"Cassie told me."

"How did you end up in that conversation?" You chuckle.

"Not the point, we should go down there!" She suggests excitedly.

"I'm eating a sandwich-"

"Not right now, tomorrow morning."

"You wanna tell me- who this mystery crush is? Because I'm not going anywhere if you don't tell me." You say biting your sandwich.

"It's Elliot."

"Oh he's cute-"

"Wanda." Vision calls as the main elevator arrives.

"Soooo we'll game plan when I get back?" She asks walking backwards.

"Fine." You shake your head and chuckle as she disappears in the elevator with Vision. You take a bite of your sandwich, presumably alone again, only to hear a throat clearing from behind you. You look over your shoulder to find Loki the source of the sound.

"Oh hi Loki." You say covering your mouth.

"Hello." He mutters.

"What brings you out of hiding today?"

"I'm not a hibernating bear you know."

"Of course not." You hum. Loki opens the fridge to grab something to drink, although it's mostly just so he can convince himself to bite the bullet and confess to you before this 'Elliot' from the coffee shop has an opportunity to turn your head like his mother warned him of.

"Do you have a moment? I know you're- eating but I'd like to talk- about something." He says awkwardly.

"Sure. I can use multiple senses at once. What's up?" You ask taking another bite of your sandwich. Loki opens his mouth a couple of times before he frowns. "Is something wrong Loki?"

"I don't know." He says, brows furrowed as he looks at the floor.

"You don't know if something's wrong? Are you dizzy? Dehydrated? Feverish? Do you need to sit down?" You sit up, concerned.

"No, I don't."

"You sure? You look kind of- constipated. I think you should sit down."

"I don't want to y/n." He grits out.

"Okay, calm down no need to get angry with me for caring."

"You said I look constipated!"

"Well you do! But only a little bit!"

"This is not going at all how I planned it?"

"What are you on about Loki?" You frown.

"Nothing it was just way easier to do this in my head."

"Easier to do what?"

"Never mind. Enjoy your lunch." Loki pivots and you almost knock over your barstool trying to stop him from leaving the kitchen.

"Not so fast god of mischief tell me what it is you're so panicked about."

"It's nothing y/n." He rolls his eyes.

"Nonsense. If it were nothing you wouldn't have made such a big deal out of it in the first place." You tell him.

"Yes, I over reacted, which is what I just realized and why I'm no longer interested in having this conversation." He says completely avoiding your gaze.

"Don't be a coward Loki." You snap.

"I beg your pardon?" His eyes widen.

"Don't be a coward. I've never known you to shy away from sharing your thoughts even when nobody asked don't tell me suddenly you're incapable of speaking your mind."

"I am far from incapable." He says.

"So spill it." You push.

"And if I don't?"

"Then you're not who I thought you were."

"Over a personal thought?" His eyebrow raises.

"It's the principle. What have you got to lose that makes you so fearful of your own voice?"

"Something I didn't even realize was important to me until recently." He says quietly.

"What's that?" You ask. Loki's eyes scan your face for a long moment, and if not for how close you are you'd swear he's holding his breath for how shallow it is.

"You." He whispers.

"I'm not going anywhere." You shake your head.

"I'm afraid you may take that back if you hear that which I refuse to say." He says.

"Is the reward worth the risk?" You ask.

"If I'm lucky."

"I'm disappointed that you see me as someone so easily run off Loki."

"That's not what this is." He shakes his head.

"No? It sounds like it."

"Do you see me as somebody that could be loved?"

"Of course I do. Thor loves you unconditionally. Your mother too from what I've heard."

"Do you see me as somebody that could be loved, by you?" This question is far more hesitant.

"Is that what you want?"

"In time, yes." He nods and a stray giggle escapes your lips.

"That's what you thought would drive me away?!" You shake your head. "Maybe you haven't noticed but I put quite a bit of effort into creating time to spend with you."

"Oh come on it's mostly coincidence, your friends canceling or Thor forgetting you had plans."

"You silly trickster. I chose to spend that time with you." You say.

"To be clear- does that mean you're as taken with me as I am with you?" Loki asks.

"You're taken with me?!" You blink at him in shock.

"Yes was I not clear about-"

"I'm joking Loki I just wanted to hear you say it directly." You smile.

"You vex me." He breathes out.

"And yet you like me anyway. Even more than I expected."

"Don't boast."

"How can I not?" You ask.

"I can think of a few ways to stop you."

"You can try Loki but I'm not so easily swayed." You taunt. Loki's hand comes up to your cheek and he kisses you. His lips are soft and he kisses you as if he's got all the time in the world. When Loki pulls away your eyes flutter open with surprise.

"How's that for sway?" He smirks.

"I'll admit that wasn't a terrible start." You breathe.

"Oh yeah?" Loki lifts you into his arms suddenly and you squeal in surprise as he carries you to his room. He lays you gently on his bed and kisses you again. "Not a terrible start is not enough." He hums trailing to your neck, peppering your throat with kisses and light nibbles. Loki pulls your shirt over your head. "Stars above you're beautiful." He mutters trailing his fingers delicately across your newly exposed skin.

"I'm not a flower you know." You giggle, the soft touches making you feel ticklish.

"What do you mean?" He frowns.

"Nothing bad. You're just being much more gentle than I'd have expected." You tell him caressing his face. He pauses for a moment as you trace his features.

"Do you remember what I said at the aquarium?"

"About the hammerhead shark reminding you of-"

"No about being gentle you silly girl." He says with a disbelieving chuckle.

"Oh! Yes that you can be when you want to be."

"Precisely."

"I didn't realize it applied elsewhere."

"Do you not like gentle?"

"Gentle is good." You shake your head. "Just unexpected." You smile. Loki returns your smile and leans down to press kisses down your abdomen. He pulls your shorts and panties off together, kissing your calf ones you're freed from the fabric. Loki's eyes are on you as his lips glide up your leg, opened mouthed kisses until he reaches your thigh where he bites at the skin, just enough for you to feel it. With one last kiss to your hip, Loki buries his face in your heat. You gasp at the first feel of his tongue against your center. His movements are unhurried as he watches your reactions to his mouth. When he finds the rhythm that you react the strongest to he sticks to it, enjoying the whimpers and moans he pulls from you and the way your body grinds against him.

"Oh god." You pant, one hand tangling in his hair. When you feel two of his fingers slowly glide into your entrance and curl upwards your eyes shoot open with a whine that makes Loki hum against you. You glance down at him, surprised to see his green eyes peering up at you with something akin to adoration shining in them and despite the pleasure building in your belly all you can think about for a brief moment is how... pretty he looks. Of course, that train of thought is lost when Loki wraps his lips around your clit, focusing his attention on the sensitive bundle of nerves. Between his tongue and his fingers you don't have a chance of staving off the orgasm that washes over you soon after. Loki works you through it, only pulling away when your breathing starts to steady.

"You are a vision in the heat of release you know." He says a hand on your chin to guide your attention.

"No, I did not know that." You smile reaching up to undress Loki. You pull his shirt over his head, littering his chest with kisses as you undo his pants but don't pull them down. You slip your hand into the waistband of his underwear stroking his hard hot dick.

"F-fucking hell you might be the death of me." Loki breathes out shuddering beneath your touch.

"I sure hope not. I quite like you alive you know." You joke with a giggle. Loki grabs your wrist and shakily pulls your hand from him.

"Right, if this goes on I'll embarrass myself." He says with a slight chuckle shifting to pull his pants down enough to free himself. He lines himself with your entrance and slowly works himself passed your walls with short rolling thrusts, deeper each time.

"That's nothing to be embarrassed about you know Loki." You tell him, admittedly a bit winded as he fills you.

"Maybe not, but I'll admit it's not ideal for our first time together." He groans as he bottoms out.

"Don't get caught up in expectations Loki." You tell him.

"Only my own darling." He says. Loki holds still for a few moments, allowing you to adjust to his size, only moving when you begin to grind against him.

"Move, Loki, please." You groan. Loki lets out a breath as he starts a steady rhythm. He's immediately a string of groans and curses in your ear as he fucks you, his sounds mingling with yours beautifully.

"Gods you feel even better than I could've imagined." He pants out between thrusts.

"Don't stop baby. God you feel so good." You moan, grinding up against his hips to meet his movements. Loki reaches between your bodies and his fingers find your clit, rubbing tight circles against the bud that turn your quiet moans to loud whines.

"Come on darling, I want to feel you cum on my dick. Please y/n- let go for me." Loki coaxes, kissing at your throat again and it doesn't take long for your body to tense with the feeling of another orgasm. Loki groans deeply as your walls tighten around him from your release.

"Did you like that Loki? Feeling my pussy clench from cumming for you? You're close aren't you? Come on baby, cum for me."

Loki's thrusts speed up a bit, then falter, and stall altogether moments later as you feel the heat of his release inside you. Loki kisses your shoulder gently as he comes down from his orgasm, your fingers stroking his hair a comfort he wouldn't have thought he'd enjoy.

"You know- I know you were trying to get me to stop boasting but if boasting always ends with us like this I'm inclined to do it more often." You say after a few moments of silence and Loki chuckles against your neck.

"Boasting is not a prerequisite my darling." He says sitting up. Loki conjures a damp cloth and gently dabs first your face, then your neck, and carefully between your legs before helping you into his shirt.

"Well what is?" You ask.

"There isn't one you tricky girl." He chuckles pulling you into his chest.

"How am I the tricky one here?"

"You caught the fox, I think that's worth some tricky points."

"What fox? Are you the fox?"

"Mhm." He nods.

"Well- then that's by far the best thing I've ever caught." You smile up at him.

"The fox isn't complaining either." He hums and you cuddle closer to him. This hadn't exactly been your original gameplan with Loki but this is way better than any outcome you could've expected.

***

#marvel #marvel fanfiction #loki #loki fanfic #loki x reader #loki fluff #loki smut

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scribbledghost · 9 months

Note

reader explaining they’re autistic and the yautja being like “OHHHH that’s why we understand each other much better than the other humans I’ve met” bc like cats, all yautja are autistic in their own way.

Note: So, full disclosure, I am not autistic. I promise I'm gonna do my best to be accurate and respectful, but keep that in mind!

Tbh when you first explain what exactly it means to you to be autistic, your yautja is sort of sitting there with a curious head tilt.

Because you're basically just describing a lot of yautja culture.

Need people to be direct with what they're saying? So do yautja.

Not great with human social cues? Neither are yautja.

Got some niche hyperfixations? Just walk up to any yautja and ask em to talk about their weapon of choice.

By the time you're done explaining how your thoughts and behaviors work, your yautja is quietly clicking his mandibles in excitement.

Cause it just... clicks. (No pun intended).

"This must be why I understand you much better than other oomans."

He doesn't bat an eye if you have to excuse yourself because you're feeling overstimulated.

Ditto whenever you start stimming around him.

He even gives you full permission to play with his braids whenever you want. Seriously, you should. It's very fun.

Also doesn't think much of it whenever you make blunt comments. In fact, he rather appreciates it.

More than okay with sitting and listening to you infodump. He likes learning about ooman culture/things, so it's a win/win for him.

He does his best to make everything around you and in his ship/home accessible for you.

#reeeeeally hope this is okay!!#yautja #yautja x reader #predator #predator x reader #ghost scribbles

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agustdiv1ne · 4 months

Text

in no particular order, here are my favorite fics that i've read this year!! please show a lot of love to all of these wonderful authors <3 (also please heed their rules, esp for nsfw fics!!)

part of my 2023 wrap up!

@koqabear

um like. quite literally everything sol has posted this year. i am being so serious. check out their masterlist right NEOWWWW and read EVERYTHING

@blackhairedjjun

flowers of every color — i could rave about this series for like 10 hours straight, i'm not even kidding. it's sweet with the perfect amount of angst to really draw you in, i fell in love with every character more and more with each chapter <3 now where is my prince!jjunie :(

@tyunkus

amazon wishlist (m) — me when me when me when roommate!tyun offers to fuck me...god, i need this so bad

@jishyucks

gloves & dittany — OHHHHH how i love this fic...one of the best harry potter aus i have ever read, and with yeonjun?? slytherin!yeonjun!!!! ooooo you really got me good, op <3

bittersweet — *cowboy cat meme* DRUNK SOOOOOOOOOB i think this wins the award for being the cutest fic i read in the year of 2023

@beom-pyu

i can't swim, idiot! (m) — i will never not shut up about this fic...just faking married? with beomgyu?? with feelings involved??? yeah. Yeah <3

like the moon — merman!kai you will always be famous to me, one of my all-time favorites by far!!!!!

@toruro

answers (m) — this academic rival!taehyun fic had me screaming crying gnawing on my leg like wtf mika. how could you do this to me. i am dead now.

@hyukalyptus

something nice (m) — i went SOOOO insane over this fic like the dynamics were just. scrumptious. i love yeonkai i love this fic i love hp for writing this yes yes yes

like, never ever? (m) — ohhhh my god. this one really got me good,, dom best friend!beomgyu giving mc her first orgasm?? sign me tf up !!!!!!

@qqtxt

sway with me — i sent this in for their 1k event i just :')))) i love this so so so much!!!! dancing with yeonjun is my dream, so thank you for taking my request op!! <3

@hueareloved / @huenation

my love mine all mine (m) — the most tender and soft and SWEET nsfw fic i have ever read, so in love with this and sleepy lovesick jjunie AGHH brb rereading this

ditto — ohhhh how i love angst. amor's writing style is beautiful and it made this beomgyu fic that much more heart-wrenching <3

@huckleberrykai

laundry basket (m) — no bc this went CRAZYYY with the perv!mc thing, savored every single word of this kai fic tbh

comfy cozy (m) — CUTE AF. i am the biggest proponent of soft smut and berry writes it so well <3 i loveee soft yeonjun more than life itself

@aduh0308 / @banggyu0308

yeehaw (m) — OKAYYY cowboys!taejun fucking destroyed me like. i don't think i ever recovered from this

berry sorbet (m) — i need kai to be my soulmate rn wtf. cute n sweet and i loved it

@boba-beom

airport crush pt.2 (m) — the minute smiles told me she was working on airport crush pt.2 i passed away. nothing could have prepared me for this fic, it destroyed me in the best way...god, i need yeonjun so bad

trapped in your game (m) — i salivated. i quaked. i (s)creamed. best friend!yeonjun, please hmu </3

@napofamoon / @mazeinthemoon

you're the one love (m) — moonie ATE with this fallen angel!yeonjun fic!! i love sacrilege n this was just sooo hot

@tubatwo

workaholic — this made me giggle and kick my feet so hard...i love you cafe boss taehyun, pls marry me

@hyuk4ngel

honeymoon avenue — i. love. angst. and fay is exceptionally talented at writing it!! taehyun better watch out tho >:(

@mapofthemazeinthemirror / @afterbluehours

untitled (m) — this yeonbin x reader fic is SOOOO hot like. i screamed. i cried. i rolled around in a fetal position because it just made me so insane

@nightlyawnzz

duality (m) — OHHHHHHHHH MYYYYYYY GODDDDDDD i think this is one of the hottest kai fics i have ever read in my entire life. i don't often see kai as a hard dom in fics so this opened my eyes (can't wait for the final part!!)

@scintillasofbeomgyu

you are in love — one of my jjunie comfort fics!!! sweet n soft and everything to me :')

@petrichor-han

twenty-three suns (m) — rain's writing style hits me straight in the gut, especially with this summer fling au with taehyun :') lovely yet heart-wrenching and AGHH i love this

@ncteez

untitled (m) — UMMM this camboy!yeonjun fic altered the trajectory of my entire life. i fucking die every time i read this, like it has to be laced with crack or something

menace (m) — this was batshit INSANE LIKEEEE gangster!yoongi fucked me up so bad (in the best way)

@yeonboy

never meet your heroes — ONE OF MY FAVS EVER. LIKE. COLLEGE AU WITH SOOBIN???? I AM SO OBSESSED YOU DON'T EVEN UNDERSTAND

@ijhyo

how to get the girl — i ate this up SO hard. i just adore both the mc and beomgyu's characters in this, definitely another all-time favorite of mine

@cheolhub

head (m) — SAR YOU WERE INSANE FOR THIS. sub!soobin makes me so feral and this made my brainrot even worse UGHHH

@starbandit

backseat (m) — oh. oh yeah. now this is everything to me, best friend!yeonjun + car sex = a very very happy me

@tonicandjins

learning languages (m) — i don't often read donghyuck fics (or nct fics in general), but this one. oh, this one is beautiful. it made me cry, it made go through so many emotions i just. read this right now, you won't regret it

@heart2beom

cliche — i still vividly remember this first time that i read this, the dialogue is hilarious and it is just sweet n fluffy n AGHH i will forever adore this fic <3

and some more accounts with amazing fics!!!: @majestyjun @hyewka @taegimood @naomiarai @hyuk4sbf @fairyofshampgyu @enha-cafe @moonhoures @wolfytae-exe @dearlyjun @heartchoi @sook9i @tinietaehyun @minastras

a big thank you to all of these writers for sharing your works!! <3

#2023 wrap up #lmk if any links are wrong!!

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spaghettificationandpretzels · 5 months

Note

Hello! Love your page, sugar bean! Saw you’re taking requests and thought I’d throw my hat in the ring

Please: Simon ‘Ghost’ Riley x reader with

fluff prompt : #5 the one about running a bath and angst prompt #5: “where did you get those bruises?” maybe reader helps Simon bathe after Las Almas? Or vise versa, your call sug!

💕

Thank you so much!!

Lavender Bath Drops

Masterlist

Contains: Angst, fluff.

604 words

Comment if you want to be tagged or follow #sp's 150 fanfic celebration for more fics.

You treat Simon to a hot bath when he comes back from his op in Las Almas.

You knew it had been rough by the way the door opened and the sound of Simon's boots falling on the tiles at the entrance to your home. You came out of the kitchen and rounded the corner, and found yourself wrapped in his embrace as he took you in his arms. "Welcome home dearest."

"Hello love." His voice was filled with exhaustion and despite the fact that he was squeezing the life out of you, you could feel how sore his muscles were. "What's for dinner?"

So it was one of those times when he didn't even want to talk about it. Contrary to what most people thought about Simon, he was very open with the people he cared about and you usually at least got a sentence about the op before he slid back into normal life. "I made your favourite, plus super crispy baked potatoes and sticky toffee pudding. It's ready whenever you are."

He gave you a soft smile and his hand came up to cup your cheek. "Thank lovely, you're an angel." He sighed as his eyes drifted to the bathroom. "I'll have a shower first, I've been in a cargo plane for ten hours."

You shook your head. "I'm going to run you a bath, and you're not going to do anything." You gently shoved him towards the bathroom, and once you were inside, fussed around with the fancy oil before running the bath as hot as he could stand it.

You dripped a slightly purple liquid into the water, and a gentle floral smell filled the air. "What's that, Love?"

"Homemade Lavender bath drops. They should help with your aches and pains." With the bath almost full, you walked over to him and started to remove his clothes, slowly revealing the various colours as the fabric fell free. You pointed to the nasty one over his liver, all black and blue with hints of red that let you know how deep it was. "Where did you get those bruises?"

His breath caught, and he shot you a look. "Graves was dirty, the last few days have been rough."

With all his clothes off, you could see the full extent, he was a mess. "I'm sorry, Honey. I know you liked him." You pointed over to the tub and placed your hand on his shoulder. "Hop in, you might feel better once you've had a soak."

You took the seat at the end of the bath, usually reserved for the days that Simon wanted to wash your hair, and picked up a washcloth, waiting until he slid in with a groan to start gently cleaning his skin. "You're too good to me y/n."

You shook your head and twisted yourself to kiss him, uncaring that you risked falling in. "Not at all. I love you very much and I missed you terribly."

He gave you a slight nod as he relaxed into the water. "I know love, I feel the same way. Getting home to you was all I thought about half the time."

You could feel the tension fade under your hands as you continued. "And the other half of the time?"

"Killing Graves." There was a bit of humour in his voice and it was your turn to relax, as long as he was talking about what happened you knew he was dealing with it. "Thank you for doing this for me." You went to reply, but he stopped you with a hand on your wrist. "I love you more than life itself y/n."

You sighed and pressed a kiss to his cheek. "Ditto my dear."

Fin

@chaos-4baby

#simon riley/you #simon ghost riley #simon riley x reader #simon ghost riley x reader #cod mw2 #simon riley x you #simon riley #simon ghost riley x female reader #simon riley/reader #call of duty #sp's 150 fanfic celebration

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nightislandnoveltymug · 1 month

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actually, proper answer now that i'm awake and have had some time to percolate lol. best thing armand did!

i should say this is kind of a tie for me because the person armand becomes with daniel is always going to be up there -- he didn't let him die, he gave daniel what he wanted, but more importantly he told him, and showed him, that he loved him, and just in general in their time together he allowed daniel to see so much of his real genuine vulnerability and cared for him and worried about him so much and that fucks me up!!

but!! the thing i actually wanted to mention is his homes! (this is maybe cheating a little bit because it isn't something he did, it's something he does, but whatever.) one of the things i love most about armand is that he's always creating these stable places and central points for everybody to congregate on. while a lot of the others are sort of nomadic and don't stay in touch and you don't really know where they are, he is always (as he says) "a canker in the very eye of the world". he's easy to find, he stays in one place and he uses his resources and his power to create these stable, lasting home bases and then opens his doors to others. he creates stability and then shares it in a way that really nobody else does.

and i think it's very interesting because this sort of stability is a character trait that (i think!) maybe most people would first and foremost think to associate with elders like maharet, or marius, when in actual fact, the truth is that neither of them has ever done that -- for their own disparate reasons they've always been highly reclusive, and have protected their own stability by staying out of touch with the rest of the vampire world, not opening their doors, and for the most part not helping anyone or intervening in anything in any way.

there's something fascinating and honestly poignant about like... armand, maybe subconsciously, running a household according to an ideal which (imo!) is based on marius, except that marius has never actually done that. not for vampires. and so in actual fact, this is something that armand has innovated; this actually comes from him, and is coloured by his experience with the covens (which marius has never shown anything but disdain for), and perhaps even beyond that, by his experience with the sense of community in monastic life (which really ditto).

i personally suspect that rather than praiseworthy, he probably sees this as ultimately pretty self-serving on his own part, because he has this longing for community that drives him to create these places, so he probably just sees it as something he does so that he won't have to be alone. and also, from the way he talks in late canon you get the sense that he rather sees himself as trying to atone, and as trying to emulate those who are better than him. when in fact he's doing something that nobody else is doing, and in many ways (imo) behaving more like a leader of a community than any of the characters that everyone else thinks ought to lead, like marius or lestat. not because they couldn't, but because neither of them has ever had the resources, capabilities, patience, and willingness to create something like that and then open it up.

and for a character who's been so lost, and has spent so much of his life feeling lost, feeling abandoned (and i think, right up until present day, still feels that way really), and has spent so much of his life looking for something to anchor his life to, without ever having the luxury of truly finding it, and having to just sort of go on anyway, keep living anyway -- for that character to be a stable anchor point for everybody else is something that really really gets me about him, maybe especially because i think he isn't fully aware of it himself.

#aaaaand there's the ramble!#tumblr will hide this but lmk if i should put it under a readmore LOL #armand #i just have. a lot of feelings about this !!#logs back onto my vc blogs for the first time in 2 years and just spills every single thought i've ever had lmao sorry

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bray-washed · 17 days

Text

Some of you are gonna hate this, disagree with this, get mad at this. Whatever.

Let me say from the jump: CM Punk, 100% should not have assaulted his coworker. Should not have. That’s a fact.

HOWEVER, and this is in no way excusing the actions but this is not ALL his fault like everyone is saying. This entire scenario was building because TK cannot be a boss, that’s not to say TK is a bad person - by all accounts TK is known to be a good person just not a good boss. In TK’s defense (& being in the wrestling business as a booker & promoter myself) it’s hard to be a boss to your friends, because that’s what happened his employees became his friends and that’s a hard position to be put into; however, that does not mean he needs to neglect his duty as a boss and he clearly has. (& in my opinion, is being taken advantage of by people who are using him for his money but that’s a different conversation)

Watching that footage, it’s clear to see that CM Punk was telling the truth. Point blank, what he said happened that night, happened. So that leads me to believe that everything else leading up to that moment also happened. We can’t (conveniently) hear what’s being said but I would guess Jack said something that angered Punk - neither were really showing aggressive behavior, maybe when Jack went to turn away from Punk in the beginning & Punk pulled him back - but like? Jack was turning away mid conversation if I, as a veteran, was trying to talk to a new kids about something & they turned away from me? Yea, I’d pull them back… cause the entitlement is not happening absolutely now.

Seems to me like Jack Perry was being uncooperative from the get-go. Why? Who knows. That’s the real speculation, Punk will say it’s cause of his “friends” (the Young Bucks) influence which is a fair speculation but it could be anything. Jack Perry is young & dumb & is probably forming some kind of ego of “I know better than the old timers” every wrestler gets that mentality for a little while and they need to grow up & out of that mentality.

Punk comes from the era of wrestling where if you talk shit, you get hit - fuck around & find out, if you will… and I as well come from that era & mentality, being a professional is first on my list so I’ve never gotten into a physical fight but it doesn’t shock me or fill me with rage when it does happen - not saying it should but some people need to have those consequences come to light. Jack fucked around and Jack found out.

Now, whatever Punk said to TK, no clue… I don’t think just watching that that TK can say that he feared for his life there was nothing to fear there. Now, we can’t hear anything & I’m sure yelling was happening… but fearing for his life? Be so for real right now Tony, honey, you run a wrestling locker room… arguing is bound to happen… relax.

Genuinely, this showed most of us nothing & I don’t think it did anything to benefit AEW. AEW is just trying to fight fire with fire, for no reason. If TK wants to run a “business” then… do that. Want to know what WWE 100% would never do? Show footage of a former employee in a fight backstage. When all that nonsense when Punk left happened… did WWE show footage of Punk leaving to “prove a point”? No. Ditto for Steve Austin - who ALSO famously took his ball & went home and WWE has camera crew literally everywhere… there have been TONS of fights most likely caught on camera but we’ll never see them why? Cause they are a business.

I think this was a bad idea all around… but that’s just me.

(But also can we please talk about Samoa Joe just pacing back & forth, minding his business, getting pumped for his match…. I don’t know why but that just made me love him more.)

#cm punk #wwe #raw #jack perry #aew dynamite #aew #samoa joe #young bucks

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transingthoseformers · 5 months

Note

can we have some of your megop headcanons please?

So so ai soooo sosi

What i got

For tfp megop, i totally feel like pre-war Orion and Tronus were just. Total dorks with each other. Total dorks. Making corny unfunny jokes with each other, wanting to go see the stars together, buy each other drinks but somewhat forget about them while passionately talking... the sweet shit

Tfp megatron and Optimus are exes (usually), and Megatron is the bitter one who broke up with Orion first, he still loves Optimus of course.

G1 Megatron is a tsundere and refuses to admit he looooves Optimus

Earthspark Megatron still writes very emotional love poems about Optimus

Earthspark Optimus would look through a book labeled "best ways to flirt"

Beast wars megop to me seems like the most likely to stay in the "enemies with benefits" zone, but i see possible emotions regarding how they're a predacon and a maximal there

Idw Megatron still has embarrassing dreams about Optimus sometimes, ditto for idw Optimus

Biting biting biting biting biting biting biting biting biting bi

Sg megop is such a thing for me and i love the idea of Megatron looking at Optimus and saying "I can fix him" & sg Optimus concluding "i can be better than him"

So much physicality in their love language in most versions of megop. They've grappled so many times in battle they wouldn't quite know what to do without each other's touch

.... biting. So much gay biting.

These two are soulmates even when megop isn't involved. They always find each other, no matter what.

If we're working with tfa Megop, I'm very specific and highly prefer that it's Optimus who's bold enough to make the first move, it's Optimus who's job is to prove himself as a suitor. Which he does by besting Megatron and holding his own well.

I think so much about adrenaline fueled battle frags that aren't necessarily out of love but definitely lust and mutual agreement and getting the energy out

In general i prefer the dynamic with Optimus being more dominant and sub!Megs, but this isn't set in stone and i love the flex and flow of their dynamic (especially considering shattered glass because if everything is being flipped around why not that too?)

I love them so much it's insane. Closest thing i have to an otp.

Love them

#riot rambles #suggestive #at times #maccadam #transformers #megop #megatron #Optimus prime #all versions #they're fun toys to smash together #they pull and push at each other in interesting ways #gay. our favorite old man yaoi #I've been freaking out (positive) over megop #soundwave usually has opinions #yes #sorry if this isn't very coherent

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deripmaver · 9 months

Text

What’s The Point Of Elaine?

There are three eras of Casca in Berserk so far: Golden Age, Elaine, and Revived Casca. I find that within the fandom, Elaine is written off as not particularly worth analysis, that she just represents a transition state between the real Cascas, pre-eclipse and now revived.

I do in some ways understand this feeling - Miura has said that in developing the story of Berserk, he ultimately decided in keeping Casca alive only because he needed a way to keep Guts’ rage intact, and not let the sands of time dull his need for revenge. This comes from an interview with Miura from 2017, that he spared Casca because she makes sure Guts never forgets the Eclipse. If I may editorialize, though, I think there are narrative reasons to keep a character alive, but that doesn’t mean said character isn’t being independently developed and doesn’t have their own inner world, especially when Miura has said repeatedly he’s trying to write real people and not archetypes. If I may also be snarky for a moment, considering one of my first interactions on Berserk tumblr had someone arguing that Casca stans read too much into Miura’s quote on her recovery to the point where you can’t even really assume he intended to have her recover - perhaps it’s reading too much into this quote to extrapolate that “Casca remained alive to fuel Guts’ anger = Casca as a character is only a plot device for Guts and Miura had no intention of developing her outside of that.”

Another reason to overlook her as a character that I do understand: Elaine is completely voiceless. She literally does not speak except for baby-ish noises from the time after eclipse until chapter 355, practically 275 chapters. For all of that time, we are given no indicating of how Casca is processing the eclipse (or not processing) - and so in some ways Elaine is just a narrative place holder as Kentaro Miura found his footing with her recovery.

My intention with this post is to show that it is possible to gain a bit of insight into Casca’s feelings and emotions as Elaine from some key moments, even though she is never given a voice. Much like (in my opinion lol but also I’m right) Beast of Darkness is just a facet of Guts’ mind and not a separate being, ditto Femto for Griffith, Elaine is Casca, and she’s being written as Casca, just a shallow and surface level version of her.

Elaine has these few shining moments where Casca comes through, showing that deep inside her mind, Casca is there, a terrified little sprite shielded by this childish outer shell, hiding from the world. First, when she jumps down the cliff during Conviction Arc:

Next, when she kills the men who attempt to rape her during the Winter’s Journey.

I won’t post any more panels from that chapter lol. It would be better if there was just... A look into her mind during those moments, just for an instant. What made the actual Casca come through in those moments? How did she feel, suddenly being back in her body, in a world infinitely more terrifying than the one before she regressed? What happened to make her go back in, in her safe little cocoon of Elaine?

Another moment where Casca comes through just for a moment is, in my opinion, one of the most powerful in the series:

Casca has run to Griffith on the Hill of Swords. It’s not clear why - perhaps she remembers their closeness before the eclipse, or perhaps she’s being drawn to the moonlight boy, her son, in his body. All of a sudden, the unstable rock wall cracks, sending boulders tumbling towards her, and Guts isn’t close enough to get to her in time...

But Griffith is.

He protects her from the falling rocks, and we get the page posted above. This is the first time Casca has seen Griffith since he raped her during the eclipse. She starts to shake and sweat with him holding her still, her noises becoming terrified. She reaches out to him with a trembling hand, her eyes filling with tears. Her brand lets out a burst of blood, and her trauma and terror overwhelms her, while Griffith stares down at her impassively. Casca is still in there, and being confronted by her rapist again, she is absolutely terrified. This, to me, says so much about Casca in this state. Again, if we only could have gotten a glimpse into her mind at the moment, even if it was through the jumbled confusion of Elaine. I think it would have added so much.

I kept waiting for this scene to happen again with Casca revived, but at this point it hasn’t happened. Even with Casca in Falconia it hasn’t happened. MAYBE ONE DAYYYYYY.

There’s a particular look Casca gets when she’s terrified and dissociated, and that remains constant from the Golden Age, to Elaine, to post-revival.

I also especially like that second panel, when she first wakes up as Elaine because her first instinct when terrified is to attack and bite Guts. It feels like a very Casca thing to do, and in fact that’s more or less what happens on their first meeting in the Golden Age, just a tragic perversion of it. Also, her expression is so similar to the one she made when she was begging Judeau not to die.

I think it’s worth noting that the impacts of Elaine on Casca are ongoing, and unlike some of the discussion I’ve seen, I don’t think anything that’s happened to her as Elaine will be brushed aside. As Elaine, we’re first introduced to her because she is absolutely terrified of all men, even her companions.

This is reflected in the corridor of dreams, in my view, with the very unsubtle penis monsters (which I won’t post an image of LOL) - the association of men with sexual violence and sexual assault. Her close companions as Elaine were majority women, and this remained true after her revival. By the time Guts and Casca were reunited in Conviction arc, she seemed to have lost some of her mistrust of men, and him in particular - but of course that didn’t last long.

There’s also this imagery of her in a coffin, which is again reflected in the corridor of dreams.

Finally, and most interestingly, in chapter 372 it was pointed out to me that it seems Casca remembers her ordeal at the Tower of Conviction, and being surrounded by Falconia’s soldiers reminds her of the mob trying to burn her at the stake.

There’s a lot to say also about Casca and Guts’ relationship and how his assault of her as Elaine impacted it, but I think that’s been discussed elsewhere and better than what I could. My point in writing this is to show that Miura was writing Elaine as Casca, and that there are moments where Casca seems to come to the surface and break through the protective façade. I think it could have only helped to give us just a brief glimpse into her mind in those moments, and it’s a detriment that there was nothing. In looking at the panels of Elaine, I think we can get a sense of where Casca’s recovery might go.

Interestingly, most of the moments I’ve shown here happen from before Farnese and co. join the group, and as the later arcs drag on I feel like Elaine gets goofier and less serious of a character, kind of like chestnut puck. Still, I still hold out hope that with Casca revived, even if she is in Falconia, we’ll start to see her process what happened to her as Elaine - especially if she comes across Luca and the girls, as I’m sure she will.

Must protecc

#berserk meta #berserk #casca berserk #casca #gutsca

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mentalisttraceur · 1 year

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Speaking Hexadecimal

Fluently and Unambiguously

I previously proposed a way of saying hexadecimal numbers clearly and efficiently in English, but that was only good for situations where it was otherwise unambiguous that the numbers were in base-16, and it still had some room for getting "wires crossed" with base-10. Now I finally have a proposal I'm satisfied with to finish the job:

We first add distinct words for the six extra "digits":

A is alf, B is brav, C is char, D is delt, E is eck, and F is fost. These are based on the pronunciation of the first six NATO phonetic alphabet words: "alpha", "bravo", "charlie", "delta", "echo", and "foxtrot", except that: we simplify "foxt" to "fost" to make it easier to say, we change the spelling of "alph" to make it more accessible to people not familiar with English's "ph", and the spelling of "eck" makes it obvious that it's a K sound, not a CH sound.

Then we replace "-ty" with "-tex". "-tex" is meant to be evocative of "hex", but the "t" fits the pattern of English number words better:

So 20 in hexadecimal is twentex, not "twenty". 21 is twentex-one, 22 is twentex-two, and so on. 2A is twentex-alf, 2B is twentex-brav, and so on. 30 is thirtex, 31 is thirtex-one, [...], 3A is thirtex-alf, and so on. Fortex, fiftex, sixtex, seventex, eightex, ninetex, alftex, bravtex, chartex, deltex, ecktex, and fostex.

English has special words for 10-19, but we can just use the same regular pattern in hexadecimal for 10-1F as for 20-FF. So 10 is ontex. It's "ontex" and not "onetex" to match the speed and distinctiveness that we get with twenty, thirty, forty, and fifty having slightly different pronunciations and spellings versus two, three, four, and five. 11 is ontex-one, 12 is ontex-two, 13 is ontex-three, and so on.

100 is "hunhex". This continues the mnemonic pattern - English number word, with a hexadecimal-hinting ending. 101 is "one hunhex and one," or just "hunhex and one" for short, just like we say decimal hundreds. 201 is "two hunhex and one", 2D4 is "two hunhex and deltex-four", and so on, all the way up to FFF - "fost hunhex and fostex-fost".

Incidentally, the modern English quirk of saying a number like 2463 as "twenty-four (hundred), sixty-three" instead of "two-thousand, four-hundred, and sixty-three" works really well for hexadecimal numbers: for example, 1AD4 is often written as 1A D4, and can be read as "ontex-alf (hunhex), deltex-four".

In fact, unlike decimal, in hexadecimal it is far more natural and useful, especially given modern technology, to do groups of two. So we don't even bother with another irregular word like "thousand" - instead, we just go directly to using the same Latin prefixes that large numbers in English use (billion, trillion, quadrillion, and so on), for multiples of two more hex digits:

So 10000 is a bihex, 1000000 is a trihex, 100000000 is a quadrihex, 10000000000 is a quintihex, 1000000000000 is a sextihex, 100000000000000 is a septihex, 10000000000000000 is an octohex, and so on. Technical people will appreciate that we're basically counting bytes here, and that a hunhex is one larger than the maximum value in a 1-byte unsigned integer - ditto bihex for 2 bytes, quadrihex for 4 bytes, octohex for 8 bytes, and so on.

#speaking hexadecimal

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whoiwanttoday · 2 months

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The Oscars are upon us and thank god. This year's awards season felt prolonged for some reason, like extra long. It's a thing I look forward to with all the red carpets but also seeing what wins and discussing what should have won but somehow it felt like it lasted forever this year. Maybe it's just me, who knows, but a few movies seemed to have a death grip on the entire conversation this year. My take on 2023 was that it was sort of an interesting year in that it's mean was strong but it didn't move me. A lot of years there are one or two movies that are such favorites of mine that I know I will return to them again and again. Movies that hit my heart. Last year it was Aftersun, a few years before that Portrait of a Lady on Fire and Little Women, and so on. This year, assembling my top 10 list I found that there was nothing that I couldn't wait to pop in again but I had trouble keeping the list to just 10 movies. It was a weird situation where if you looked at my list and told me my ten should be one and my one should be ten I'd probably agree with you. Anyway, with the Oscars coming here is what I think of the big awards. Best Actor I don't care. There are three candidates that if they won I'd be glad and I think the most likely to win are two of them so that's fine. I think Ryan Gosling should win for Supporting actor but he probably won't but I won't be heart broken cause I saw all the performances and they are good and the best supporting actor this year wasn't even nominated so who gives a fuck? Ditto best Actress and supporting actress but my pick would probably be Emma Stone for actress. Best Picture I think Zone of Interest or Poor Things would probably be my pick of those nominated, both are amazing pieces of cinema but the first can be like doing your homework in the sense that it is a deeply unpleasant experience that I think we should all go through from time to time. Past Lives and Poor Things are very rewatchable and will grow with each viewing so I think have the most legs for posterity other than the obvious Barbie and Oppenheimer. As for Oscars snubs, the stuff they basically ignored but shouldn't have because it's better than some of what made it in no orders is: May December, Asteroid City, Return to Seoul, Wes Anderson like ever, Zac Efron, CHARLES MELTON, Park Ji-Min, Greta Lee, Teo Yoo, I guess maybe just Asian Actors in general, great job Oscars. Oh, and you know, shout out to A Thousand and One which probably shouldn't be nominated, it wasn't perfect but is the sort of flawed that made it somehow far more compelling than a lot of the nominees this year. Oh, and Four Daughters should win for documentary because it is movie and fascinating and takes a tact I have never seen a documentary do before. Award moving the medium forward.

Anyway, all that is a long way of saying I am posting Margot Robbie today who should have been nominated for an Oscar this year. It isn't the single greatest snub of all time but she was in a movie that helped save Hollywood for at least one more year and did a phenomenal job in a role that I think literally she is the only person who could have played it. Acting is so much more than the words you say and your body and physicality is part of it and there is something to be said about someone who can both look like Barbie and act at a high level. Despite the fact that I do not feel the same level of lust for Margot Robbie the rest of the world does I cannot help but admire her as an actor. She is, without a doubt, someone who goes for it in a way very few movie stars do. She acts in everything i have ever seen her in as if this is her one shot to get into Hollywood and if she half asses it her career is over. This is such a level of effort from a movie star who often settle into a persona. Not because they can't act but because a persona is more profitable and better for their career but also yes, it is easier. Easier and safer and she never, ever does that. Thing is, awards are often about what is distinguished more than it is about what is accomplished and playing a toy is not distinguished playing say, dead people is. Now, you'll hear people say awards don't matter and they are nonsense and that's all true except also they do matter and they are important. Which is why this isn't a massive snub because Margot Robbie is going to be just fine but here is why they are important. Every single movie nominated for the Oscars this year is about to get a second life. It will have more eyeballs on it than it would otherwise, both in theaters and on streaming. Artists tend to want their art to be seen, it's very unsatisfying to create and have it wither in obscurity. It will also make them more money so they can make more art but also so they are rewarded for their labor. Finally, everyone likes to be recognized for their work. Anyone here who does a job knows how awful it is to toil away in obscurity without so much as a thanks or recognition of your effort. Which is why you see people like me worry about who wasn't nominated as much as anything else. So they don't matter in the sense that who wins the Oscar has no impact on what is or isn't a great movie but it does matter in the sense that it matters to the people working on it and it matters on how it gets recognition for work. So, Margot Robbie could at least win as a producer but I think her role was good enough she should be nominated as an actress again and think she largely wasn't not because the field was so crowded but because she made a movie about a toy and thus we've seen almost no actual awards for Barbie. Enjoy the Oscars, enjoy these pics of Margot. Today I want to fuck Margot Robbie.

#Margot Robbie #blonde #Actress #whoiwanttofucktoday

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theneighborhoodwatch · 11 months

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i am sooooo normal about music

and because i am so normal about music, my first instinct when i saw this ask was to look for translations to see if there was any Lyrical Significance. i only found like 3 english translations though, and all of them seemed to be a little rough around the edges - the most accurate one i could find was this one by jeremy maxwell. still, i was Very Intrigued by what i found.

my original plan was to see if i could cobble together a translation that flowed just a little better using my above rudimentary knowledge of spanish and my Extremely rudimentary knowledge of portuguese, BUT my lovely friend @kindestegg offered to put together a quick translation that was both more accurate and flowed a little better than the ones i found. i've included his translation under the cut, complete with footnotes Also written by him.

On Sunday I read your immense¹ letter telling me everything The first time I learned² what you thought, I learned of everything And I felt³ like someone who doesn't live in the world And thus my deep silence I felt that sadness would come and change It⁴ would take over my heart

Today I don't know what I think anymore I want what I search⁵ for I wanted so much to live my future with you⁶ But sometimes things like this happen They show up, seem to show up, to show up⁷

Today nothing is left but waiting⁸ To see something happen And for a new day to come⁹ And for the silence to end and a new day to come¹⁰

TN Footnotes:

¹ I think "immense" is an accurate word here, as well as i add the "me" there because it just helps understanding better, though that is less a direct translation and more implied.

² The verb "know" here isn't wrong, however the way soube is used here is more in the sense of an ongoing discovering, whereas I think "know" implies having full knowledge even previously somewhat.

³ It's hard to translate accurately "ficar" without fully changing the verb, as in brazilian portuguese that verb is often used to signifiy many different things, including a state of being. Therefore "staying" would not work.

⁴ "It" is implied here, referring to sadness.

⁵ The usage of "searching" would be inaccurate, the verb here does not indicate gerúndio, just a present tense in general.

⁶ Small rearrangement to keep understanding.

⁷ Here the singer exemplifies a play on words which is common for this type of national beat, but it is a little hard to translate over text. Essentially "para" here is acting not as in "to" as connected to the previous verb, but rather as its own standalone connective of finality. It doesn't serve the purpose of connecting to any verb, but instead emphasizing that when things "seem to show up", they do so to in fact "show up" in a concrete manner. Hope that isn't too confusing ^^''

⁸ I am confused by a translation I've seen adding "out there", that is not implied anywhere here? It may have gotten tangled with the word "além", but that one is connecting with "de" to create what can be translated as "but". It could be also translated as "aside from".

⁹ Added connectives to keep a better flow, sentence looks weird without them.

¹⁰ Ditto.

anyways. i don't know if any relevance to welcome home wrt the lyrics was like, intentional, but if you need me i'll still be kubrick staring into my bathroom mirror while thinking of this song.

#public notice #welcome home #franklydear #*looks at my “eddie is/was one of the first to Learn” theory*#*explodes into gore and viscera*#hmmm. should i #translation #evinha #yeah. just in case.

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geeerage · 1 year

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Imagine being childhood friends with Rin for your entire life. Always going to each other's homes and stopping on the way home from school to get ice cream. You’d made so many incredible memories with Rin in your childhood and naturally, after spending so much time with a person you started to catch feelings .Even after so many years you decided against acting on those feelings for Rin because it felt like it was better to keep them to yourself; Rin had always been popular in school and a quarter of the teens in your community had had a crush on him at some point if it was not an ongoing crush, people more beautiful, more smart, more involved. And now that his career as a professional football player was kicking off, the insecurity that Rin could be so easily attracted to any other person and push you away made you decide against telling him how you feel.

You just want to be able to confess to him without the fear that your friendship will be over, which felt impossible to you. It was foolish, It was a decision that you will heavily regret but, as long as you're able to be in a lasting friendship with Rin, right? When Rin invited you over to watch a newly released movie, you didn’t think much of it; just two friends watching a movie in a platonic way. Was this all you were going to be? Would you have to secretly deal with a friendship where you wanted more? Would your feelings tear your friendship apart? Was this what you really wanted? No, your answer was no. You definitely do not want to stay in this awkward middle with Rin; your heart aches at the thought of having to hide your true feelings from him.

Rin’s not good at expressing his feelings, he never has been. He’s liked you for as long as he can remember. Some of his favourite childhood memories are the ones with you but, of course he would never admit it. He knew that if he showed just a little bit of his true feelings you would be able to tell that he likes you which would lead to him having to confess, which was something he wasn’t ready to do. Rin trusts you but he’s not ready to give in since his fallout with his brother, he doesn't want to potentially experience the same pain again, especially not from you. He acts like he’s not interested to throw you off until he's ready to tell you. After years of hiding these feelings and thinking about them. He wants you to know that he thinks about you all the time. He decided that he wants to tell you, not like he’s ready to but his heart is telling him that this would be the right thing to do. So when you accepted his invitation to watch a movie together he was nervous but determined.

You wanted it to stop, the tension between you and Rin. However unlike your other encounters it wasn’t just you feeling tense but you noticed Rin was more stiff than usual, which made you wonder if he has something on his mind too. Rin must’ve noticed too, that you were feeling tense. So, when the movie was finished Rin offered to get you some water which you agreed to. You followed him into the kitchen to engage in small talk with him. After discussing the horrible ending of the movie you decided to change the topic

“Rin, I have something to tell you”

“Me too” he responds

“Can I go first this has been bothering me for a while”

“Sure” He says thinking about what he wants to say to you has also been bothering him for a while. Could it be?

And then you poured your entire heart out. Even if he didn’t feel the same way you wanted to make sure that you got through to him. You wanted to make sure he knows exactly how you feel, if you’ve been keeping it all bottled up for so long it makes sense to want to say everything. You tell yourself that you won’t care about how he responds but deep down you want him to feel the same.

“Ditto” was his response

“Ditto?”

“Ditto”

You lightly punched him in the chest. You had just poured your blood, sweat and tears out to him and he responds with a singular word? You tried but you couldn’t be mad at him, It was so Rin. Without even thinking you hug him. A hug that could say a million things. A hug that was longed for for years, he hugs you back of course. Not breaking the hug, you ask him what he wanted to tell you.

“I like you” he says

“Ditto”

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

If you made it to the end THANK YOU !!!!!

A/N - Oops accidental this was originally supposed to be a headcanon but it turned into a fic 💀 but I had fun while writing for the first time in forever (prolly cause ditto was playing on loop, stream ditto!!!)

#there’s a lot of things i don't like about this fic so watch me delete it within the next 24 hours.#bllk scenarios #blue lock #blue lock scenarios #blue lock headcanons #bllk headcanons #bllk x reader #itoshi rin x reader #rin itoshi x you #rin itoshi x reader #rin itoshi #blue lock imagines #itoshi rin #rin itoshi blue lock #bllk #I might make headcanons with this sorta theme but idk idk

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rainbowsky · 11 months

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Happy Pride! 💖🌈🦄

Happy Pride, everyone!

I wanted to celebrate Pride this year by sharing some great up-beat queer anthems - songs from some of the groundbreaking queer artists who have been raising their voices to make the world a better place every day. Let's celebrate diversity together! 😘

Domo Wilson - Bisexual Anthem

youtube

Domo Wilson should really be the one to start the Pride festivities this year, with this amazing, amazing, amazing Bisexual Anthem. Songs like this are rare - great message AND good song. This woman is fucking brilliant. (Sexually explicit lyrics).

Brenda Fassie - Vuli Ndlela

youtube

Africa's first openly gay pop star Brenda Fassie is an incredible talent. Her voice, her style, everything about the way she sings is utterly captivating, compelling and packed full of emotion - whether it be joy or misery.

I discovered her a while back and had that tragic modern experience of falling in love with an artist and then immediately being pitched into grief as I learned about her difficult life and too early death.

Some of you might be familiar with the Chinese term, 'jaiyou' which literally means 'add oil' or more generally, 'go for it!' Vuli ndlela is a similar term that means 'make way!'

The song is about sticking it to gossipy neighbours on her son's wedding day (because they thought he'd never marry and find lasting love), but over the years it has become a popular anthem of empowerment and encouragement.

Troye Sivan and Gordi - Wait

youtube

Who can resist a dreamy, sweet duet with two queer darlings?

Muna - Pink Chiffon (feat. Phoebe Bridgers)

youtube

I've shared this song before on my blog but it's such a sweet, catchy, up-beat song it deserves to be shared again.

Beth Ditto - We Could Run

youtube

One of the greatest - and most consistently and criminally underrated - voices in music.

Kehlani - Altar

youtube

This isn't an artist I've followed in the past, but this particular song is so infectious, I absolutely love it.

Shae Diamond - I Am Her

youtube

In her own words:

"My name is Shea Diamond, Singer/Songwriter based in NYC by way of Flint, MI. I was born into a gender role that I did not accept & I didn’t feel like myself. Desperate to find the financial means to transition to my true gender, I committed a crime in 1999 & was sentenced to 10 years in a men's prison. While incarcerated, I found a community that shared my trans experience - it was there where I found my voice. I began writing “I Am Her” as a statement to a world that said I shouldn't exist. I wrote it as an anthem for all those that felt shunned for simply being who they were. In 2009 I was released from prison. Shortly after my release, I moved to New York City where I found a studio to record “I Am Her” and the means to create a video for my song."

Ria Mae - Bend

youtube

Canadian pop sensation Ria Mae, yet another criminally underrated artist whose work speaks for itself. Let's give her some love as her home town and province have been suffering intense and dangerous wildfires, and destruction to homes and wildlife habitat.

Janelle Monae - Lipstick Lover

youtube

I don't even need to say anything about this song that this stupid-ass 'age restriction' bullshit doesn't already say. 😅

It's worth the trip to YouTube.

Erasure - A Little Respect

youtube

I'll close this off with one of the best gay anthems ever written, and one of my all-time favorite songs. Never has it felt more relevant than it does today, with all the hate being thrown at queer people, all the backward redneck laws, all the churchy dicks trying to destroy the lives of people they don't understand. Like the line in the song:

What religion or reason Could drive a man to forsake his lover?

What indeed?

Happy Pride everyone! 💖

YouTube playlist of these songs.

#queer calendar #happy pride 2023 people #personal

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youcouldmakealife · 5 months

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LBTE: Jared (130-131)

In which Erin and Bryce go viral, and The Article is born.

If you'd like to follow along, series page is here.

130. Grapevine

Jared manages to get through training camp and one preseason game before Bryce’s reputation spectacularly implodes, along with his personal well-being, and Jared’s personal well-being, and the Marcus Mathesons well-being as a whole.

He was just trying to be NICE. Anyway, the First Twitter Thing. Which was needed for the Article, and The Blanket Duel, and The Other Twitter Thing. First domino falls down.

Jared shuts his eyes. “The Sun’s a right-wing rag,” he says. “Nobody with a brain believes the Sun.”

“Tons of people believe the Sun, Jared,” Bryce snaps. “A lot of Flames fans read the fucking Sun.”

Both of them are correct.

“What’s Summers say?” Jared asks.

Bryce mumbles something.

“Bryce,” Jared says.

“He left a voicemail,” Bryce mumbles. “I haven’t called him back.”

Bryce always regresses to a teenager with Dave. Dave treating him like he’s still a teenager doesn’t help that.

“Okay,” Bryce says a little more firmly. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t apologise for the media being fucking stupid,” Jared says.

“I’m really sorry,” Bryce says. “Jared.”

“Stop it,” Jared says. “I love you, okay? You didn’t do anything wrong. Stop apologising to me.”

It’s really important that nobody is mad at Bryce about this (I mean, other than Dave). He did a nice thing! He could not have anticipated these consequences! But man does this feel like deja vu in other ways to him, so Jared not being mad at him for even a second, and Don and Susan and Erin not blaming him, that’s honestly important.

Jared texts Greg to give him a call, ditto to Erin, who’s almost certainly still asleep, then tackles his mom first. Partly because his dad might be out on a job, more because he really, really doesn’t want to tell his dad. Hopefully his mom will do it for him.

Coward.

“Can you tell dad too?” Jared says.

“No,” mom says.

“Mom,” Jared says.

“No, you’re telling your father,” mom says.

“Please?” Jared says.

“Jared, my priority right now is to call my daughter and explain the situation to her, I don’t have the time to tell your father because you’re afraid he’s going to be mad at you,” she snaps. “Tell him yourself.”

Susan knows better than Jared that her eighteen year old daughter in a bikini hitting media is not going to lead to a good time, so her focus is pretty exclusively on letting Erin know at the moment, which I think is understandable.

“I’m not mad at you or Bryce, I’m mad at the situation,” she says, softening.

Nobody’s mad at Bryce!

“But I really do need to call Erin right now,” mom says. “And your father needs to know. And not from the Sun.”

“He doesn’t read the Sun,” Jared says.

Don has better taste than that, thank you.

His dad is like — dangerously quiet as Jared sums up the situation.

“If you haven’t called your mother yet, call her now,” he says finally, voice so even it cuts through Jared, and hangs up. Jared’s assuming the hanging up is so he doesn’t say something he regrets.

Nobody’s mad at Bryce! But Don is, you know, still currently furious.

Jared goes to make coffee, hovers over the machine until he can retrieve a cup, spends a solid ten minutes of pacing and debating whether or not he should check twitter — it’s hard not to, but he also knows it’d be a huge fucking mistake —

It would be such a huge mistake, Jared would be beside himself about the way people talk about Erin.

(His focus is pretty heavily on Bryce right now, and very tunnel-vision-y, but yeah: Erin’s half naked image is being shown without her consent, with the implication that Bryce is cheating on a spouse with her. There’s some vile shit getting said. There always is, on twitter)

Summers has an idea. It’s not a terrible one. Probably the best one available.

I mean, it probably is the best idea available, but it is also a terrible idea.

Stephen answers the door, looking concerned, which doesn’t suit his face, then even more concerned by whatever Jared’s own face is doing.

Stephen being concerned about Jared and Jared’s response is basically ‘ew what's wrong with him'.

“Hockey or Bryce?” Stephen asks.

“Bryce,” Jared says, and follows him in, sits heavily on the couch, Gabe coming in and sitting down on the other side, Stephen cramming himself in the middle. He has pointy elbows.

“I know,” Stephen says when Jared mumbles that. “I use them to get my way a lot.”

So concerned he gets right in there with the elbows. He’s about the same as Jared on the touch front (not a big hugger, will make some exceptions for loved ones, and a massive one person exception), so this is big from him.

“What particularly queer advice do you need?” Stephen says.

“Steve,” Gabe says.

“It is kind of particularly queer,” Jared says, hating the triumphant sound Stephen makes.

“Come to me with your gay problems, my child,” Stephen says.

But not so concerned he won’t crack a joke or three. (Levity is helpful, Gabriel.)

“How old is she?” Stephen asks.

“Eighteen,” Jared says.

“Oh, so older—” Stephen says.

“I am fully prepared to sleep in the guest room if you finish that sentence, Stephen,” Gabe says.

Stephen does not finish the sentence.

Not always the time for levity, STEPHEN.

“Well,” Stephen says. “This is not going to help his reputation. And it wasn’t great already.”

“Stephen,” Gabe says.

“I’m being honest!” Stephen says.

He’s not levitating this time, Gabe!

“Summers says ‘fuck’,” Jared says. “And apparently called Bryce an idiot a lot. And suggests we do a thing about how the Marcuses and Mathesons are long-time family friends, do some heartwarming feature about friendship across divisional lines or whatever, provide some pictures me and Bryce together and our families together for evidence our families have been close-knit for years. My family’s okay with it. Or like. They’re willing.”

Reminder that Gabe did a profile and REALLY didn’t hide the fact Stephen lived with him and the reporter said him and Stephen were ‘like brothers’. So they know it’ll work.

“Can I suggest something?”

Jared eyes him.

“Stop wearing your wedding ring before you do that article,” Stephen says. “And maybe for a while after.”

“No,” Jared says.

“Jared,” Stephen says.

“No,” Jared says.

Stephen blows out a breath. “You want to be stubborn and out? Because that’s how stubbornness gets you outed.”

Stephen on Jared’s shoulder, less an angel and just Jared making logical rather than emotional decisions.

“I don’t care,” Jared snaps. “I’m not going to pretend I’m not married to him.”

“You do it every day lying by omission, how is this any different in practice?” Stephen asks.

“You literally get to fucking live with your boyfriend full-time don’t you fucking dare—”

Stephen is saying things Jared objectively doesn’t disagree with but they’re landing a little too hard right now. And Jared misses his husband.

“I don’t get to live with him full-time,” Stephen says.

“Stephen,” Gabe says.

“Well, I don’t,” Stephen says, shoving off the couch and disappearing down the hall.

He IS away 41 games a year.

“I’m going to call Dave Summers,” Stephen says from the hall.

“Why?” Jared says.

“Know the business, know you both socially,” Stephen says, leaning on the door frame now. As dramatic sulks go that one didn’t last. “It’s a perspective he probably needs for the action plan.”

Stephen’s concern fights Stephen’s desire to dramatically flounce, and what wins is his shrewdness, which recognizes he can help in a way that doesn't involve antagonizing Jared into yelling at him.

“But I know you’re a stubborn ass who won’t listen,” Stephen says. “Which Summers should be aware of.”

Jared gives him the finger.

“I’m going to talk to Summers,” Stephen says, then disappears again.

“That’s Stephen for ‘sorry for being a dick, I will never actually apologise but I will try to make it up to you’,” Gabe says. “For the record.”

Accurate translation from Stephenese.

“And according to one of Stephen’s sisters you look like an angel, which doesn’t hurt with fans,” Gabe says. “You can imagine how much it pained Stephen to hear Beth say that.”

An angel is probably the most chill way Beth has described him.

“I didn’t mean that,” Gabe says. “You’re opening a door that you can’t close again. And if people start looking more closely — you guys don’t hide it well.”

~foreshadowing. Except not really because it’s just any logical person’s take after the witnessing the mess that was Jared and Bryce pretend not to be married (featuring extra eye-yearning).

“I do not offer these lightly,” Stephen says seriously. “And offering one right now does not mean this will become a trend. It will not.”

Jared blinks at him.

“Would you like a hug,” Stephen says flatly.

“Absolutely not,” Jared says, just as flat.

Stephen holds a mute arm out, and Jared sinks into it, because he kind of would, in fact, like a hug right now.

Steve hug!!!

“It’s going to work out,” Stephen tells him, the words tucked against Jared’s cheek. “It might be a bit before it is, and there might be a shitshow somewhere in there—”

“Stop helping,” Jared mumbles.

I love them both.

131. Verisimilitude

Well, they are a family, this is true. A family feeling varying degrees of unhappiness right now; dad and mom are pissed, Elaine concerned. Erin thinks it’s funny. Of course Erin thinks it’s fucking funny.

Erin having a sense of humour about this is very much for the best. Also, she's not reading the comments. Articles, yes — they’re hilarious. Comments, absolutely not.

I said the words ‘they instantly clicked’ today. Raf texts the group chat after his phone interview. I was honestly expecting God to smite me the spot.

Raf saying this while viscerally remembering Jared's tantrum about the temerity of Bryce having a whistle.

im up next in getting struck down by god Chaz says.

That’s true friendship — risking smiting for your bros.

By all accounts she’s treating it like a puff piece, not asking any leading questions, just basic ones and letting people fill in whatever, so it’s hard to tell if she honestly thinks she’s doing an article about a heart warming friendship, or if she’s figured out something’s up.

She honestly figures this is meant to get ahead of something, but her bet would have been something like Bryce IS cheating with Erin, or him being in the process of a divorce, since there’s no wife to be seen. She did not think ‘secretly married to one another’. They’re both acting weird, but she already thought something shifty was going on, and also hockey players are often awkward interviewees anyway, so.

“How’s school?” Jared says.

“Fine,” Erin says. “Only had one dude walk up and ask me if I’m Bryce Marcus’ girlfriend.”

She’s in her first month of her first year of university, this was not ideal timing. Only one dude approached her, but he's not the only one who's recognized her.

“Stephen said — you know, that there might be more attention,” Jared says. “After the article comes out. And that it might be a good idea for me to take it off for a bit.”

“I think you should do whatever you think you should do,” Bryce says.

“That’s really helpful, thanks,” Jared snaps.

“J,” Bryce says, sounding tired. “Just — it’s up to you.”

Jared twists his ring around his finger. Even from a distance you can see how similar it is to Bryce’s, and yeah, they’re traditional rings, plenty of people have the same ones, but —

“Can you help with my chain?” Jared asks, and he doesn’t know if it’s disappointment or relief on Bryce’s face, a blink and you miss it flash, before Bryce helps him undo the clasp. Jared strings his wedding ring on it, clinking against the engagement one, and ducks his head to let Bryce put it back on. Bryce presses a kiss against the nape of his neck, murmurs, “Done,” and Jared straightens up. In more ways than one, it feels like. That’s a bad joke even in his own head, all bitterness, no humour, so he doesn’t say it.

Like I said, Stephen was really only saying what Jared thought himself. This is also sort of screeching ahead out of their comfort zones right now, so a few backward shuffles are understandable.

Jared runs through the script in his head while they walk in, find the media room, wait for Weber to arrive, sitting a scrupulous two feet apart. It was more lines to take rather than an actual set script, ‘like family’ and ‘a lot in common’, ways to deflect a question without outright lying.

Andreas has worked a lot of overtime writing basically a choose your own adventure, in the form of ‘if they ask this, you may say this, this, or this, NOT this’, etc. It is exhaustive and he is exhausted.

“He’s my best friend,” Bryce says after a lot of other fluff, laying it on thick. There’s nothing but honesty in his voice as he says it, but then — he is being honest, Jared knows. It’s not the whole story, but it’s not like he isn’t Bryce’s best friend. Like Bryce isn’t his. “Some people you just know are supposed to be in your life.”

Bryce genuinely believes they were fated to be together. Jared doesn’t believe in fate, but he thinks that’s a nice thought.

“I don’t know about best,” Jared says quickly, because Bryce is getting like — too honest now, skirting towards something they shouldn’t be. “I have a lot of friends.”

“Jared,” Bryce complains.

If they’re such good friends why don’t you MARRY them, Jared.

Jared grins at his sullen face. “He’s my best friend too.”

Bryce goes pink

How. How does Bryce Marcus always do this to me. Just going about my day then boom, punched in the gut, having feelings about Bryce time.

Someone said Jared ‘gave OJ a personality’, like Julius doesn’t have one of his own, like anyone’s entitled to it. Julius has a personality. It’s a mean one: he’s been laughing his ass off about this article since Jared told him.

Love that Jared sounds super protective and supportive of Julius right before it switches to ‘yeah he has an identity, it's called being a DICK’.

“I just want my private life to stay private,” Bryce says, and this Jared thinks is actually scripted, that Summers gave him a real script, because Bryce is saying it like it’s been rehearsed. “Marriage is between two people, and it’s something that other people aren’t entitled to. I don’t really want to discuss it with the fans or the media, because it’s not really any of their business.”

So carefully factual without giving a single iota of information. Dave making sure this shit is as carefully worded as a contract.

“It’s cool,” Gabe says, shaking Jared’s shoulder. “You’re good, man.”

“Thanks,” Jared says.

“You’re good?” Gabe says, a question this time.

Jared shrugs.

“You’re good,” Gabe decides.

“Your vocabulary is extraordinary,” Jared says. “I am astonished by it.”

Jared absolutely does not get to throw stones. And I like the three goods of Gabe Markson.

Jared skates over when the Canucks start eyeing Chaz with vague suspicion.

“You good?” he asks.

“I’m good,” Jared says.

All good.

“Shrewd,” Gabe says. “Good verisimilitude. Stephen would be proud.”

Jared blinks at him.

How dare you insult Gabe's vocabulary.

“I don’t understand half the words he says,” Dmitry says consolingly.

“I understood it,” Jared says, tilting his chin up. He refuses to commiserate with Dmitry Kurmazov.

I love Jared’s petty ass.

“What’s verisimilitude mean?” Jared hisses at Gabe on the bench before the anthem.

Gabe tips back his head in a laugh and refuses to tell him.

Verisimilitude: the quality of seeming true or of having the appearance of being real. The on ice stuff had a lot more of it than the article did.

The article drops. Jared doesn’t read it, but he’s assured it’s fine. He doesn’t read replies on twitter or forums or anything. It’s not his job. He can’t focus on it.

Probably for the best Jared didn’t.

Jared doesn’t know if it’s the Calgary media, or the storyline about their families, or just Bryce being the incredibly talented player he is, but the Canucks are mortified in a 6-1 loss, and Bryce has a hat trick and a four point game. In the grand scheme of things, it’s a preseason game and means nothing. In the smaller scheme of Jared’s life, he kind of wants to throttle Bryce. And only a little bit in a sexy way. They’ll see who’s laughing when Jared rides him within an inch of his life.

Yeah Jared, that’ll show him, he’ll definitely never try to do it again after that.

Riding him until he fucking begs is now in the cards.

Oh no whatever will Bryce do. Please have mercy, Jared Matheson, he’ll do anything.

#liveblogging the end

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