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zot3-flopped · 13 days

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The fascinating emptiness of one Mr. Louis Tomlinson

Simone De Aurevoir

Feb 20, 2024

Four months ago I went to a concert. The exact city, venue and date doesn’t matter, and you will understand why it doesn’t matter in just a moment. The concert in question was given by Louis Tomlinson, a former member of One Direction, and what I experienced that night was so odd, so puzzling, so fascinating, that I couldn’t help but write it down. Allow me to explain.

The concert took place on a Tuesday evening. It is part of his Faith in the Future tour, and I was accompanying a close friend who is a huge “Louie”, as his fans are called. (Despite the difference in spelling, the man’s name and his fandom are actually pronounced the same way.) I joined her mostly out of solidarity and a little bit out of morbid curiosity. She had previously given me only small glimpses into the Louis Tomlinson fandom, and as a pop culture enthusiast, naturally I was intrigued by this window into an obscure cultural bubble. I remember thinking, “It might be interesting to see what she’s so obsessed with”.

Her first act of initiation had been to take me to see All of Those Voices, the documentary movie about Louis Tomlinson‘s life after One Direction, which depicted his chain smoking Northern English charm, his image of the humble underdog, and the unexpected upwards trajectory of his career over the last five years. It had also instilled in me a vague sense of fear of the fandom. Then again, the intensity of the Gospel is always off putting to atheists, so I thought nothing more of it.

Knowing that football/soccer games dictate which colors to wear and which to avoid, I had half-jokingly asked my friend about taboo colors the day before, not really expecting an answer. Immediately, she texts back — “Don’t wear green, and avoid any obvious combinations of blue and green.” If you’re feeling a sense of foreboding right now, that’s the right instinct.

On the night of the concert, we arrive at the 15,000 seat arena in the brisk evening air. To my surprise, the concrete vestibule is almost empty, save for the small crowd clustering around a merch stand. “They’re all already inside”, my friend explains confidently. We enter through the main entrance into the stuffy warmth of the lobby, through security, past another overcrowded merch stand, and through the soundproofed swinging doors into the main concert hall.

I suddenly feel very small as I enter this gigantic darkened arena space, where the air is even warmer, and buzzing with excitement. Indeed, everybody else is already here. The show won’t actually start for an hour, but the arena is already fully packed. We squeeze past a long row of excited faces to get to our seats, where the local chapter of Louis’s fan club has deposited some items for audience interaction: a blank white sheet of paper and a little snippet of red transparent tracing paper, both with instructions for how and when to hold them up.

While we’re settling in, the second of the two opening bands is already playing — a forgettable mess of clichés from Northern England. “As a white indie boy, Louis tours exclusively with other white indie boys”, my friend remarks with cheeky self awareness. While the clichés are playing, we look around the sold out arena. The two of us are only a little bit younger than Louis himself, which makes us some of the oldest people in the venue (not counting the occasional parental custodians who accompany their teen children).

Fans camping out for a spot in the first row for Louis’s show in Glasgow, 2022. Photograph by Steve Welsh

To me, it looks like we’re just two old pieces of driftwood in a sea of teeth in braces, puffy cheeks and pigtail buns, but my friend explains to me what I’m really seeing. “See that guy over there? That shirt is a Doncaster Jersey with Louis’s team number.” Or: “This girl in front of us? That’s a handmade replica of a t-shirt Louis wore on tour in 2016.” Already, I am amazed at the depth of not just her knowledge, but everybody’s knowledge of the history of this Louis Tomlinson. And then, to my delight, we actually see the forbidden combo: a girl wearing two glow-in-the-dark bracelets next to each other; one blue, one green.

It’s at this point that I finally get an explanation of the meaning behind the colors: Back when the band was still active, all five members of One Direction had a color assigned to them, based on their mic colors at live shows. Harry Styles was green, Zayn Malik was yellow, Liam Payne was red, Louis Tomlinson was blue, and Niall Horan was white. Therefore, wearing blue would symbolize fandom of Louis; wearing, say, red would be an indicator of favoring Liam, and green would symbolize fandom of Harry Styles. And wearing blue and green together would… well, we’ll get to that in a moment.

Since this is Louis’s concert, you might think that the audience would be a sea of exclusively blue clothing, but there is actually a notable amount of rainbow accessories — capes, earrings, fans, etc. — that make for an overall colorful impression.

I wonder out loud how it is possible that somebody who was big with teenagers in the early 2010s has so many teenage fans in 2023. After all, when I was a teenager myself in the late 2000s, it would have seemed unspeakably ridiculous if I had stanned, let’s say, the Spice Girls. (I’m not even sure I was aware of the Spice Girls back then.)

My friend, ever helpful, explains to me that most younger fans came across the fandom in 2020, facilitated by YouTube, Twitter, Tumblr, and pandemic-induced boredom.

Tumblr especially is infamous for its ability to grow and nurture expansive fandoms of pop culture items for years on end, even if the source material is long past its relevance peak (see Supernatural), its quality peak (see Doctor Who) or both (see Sherlock).

The momentum of Louis’ fandom on social media even led to the unusual phenomenon of venues getting bigger every time his concerts were rescheduled due to the pandemic. And this is when it starts to dawn on me. I am not attending a concert; I am witnessing a Tumblr dashboard come to life.

I’m just about to share this thought with my friend when the background music cuts off mid-song, the lights drop, and the sudden darkness comes with a piercing collective shriek that makes the earplugs flutter in my ear canal.

The band comes in first, taking their places. After barely a beat of pause, Louis walks onstage, with messy hair, wearing a tank top and designer sweatpants, walking at a matter-of-fact pace. I assume the shrieking got even louder, but at this noise level it was hard to tell.

Louis takes his place behind the mic stand in the middle and immediately launches into the first song, The Greatest — a stadium anthem basically written explicitly for this spot on the setlist. Not wasting any time on greetings or announcements, he immediately follows up with the other big hit, Kill My Mind. From there, directly onto Bigger Than Me, another stadium-ready rock pop number.

I’m alarmed as I suddenly realize that the only catchy, recognizable songs have come and gone, ushering in the phase of uninterrupted filler songs. (I had dutifully listened to the tour setlist multiple times in preparation for the concert, but my brain just wouldn’t latch on to anything beyond the first three songs.)

At this point, I’m worried this will be a repeat of that time when I went to see P!nk live in concert and noticed too late that I knew none of her songs from after 2005. However, P!nk is a charismatic person and a great live singer who was doing somersaults on a bungee rope as 10 dancers were trampolining and performing aerial acrobatics around her.

Louis is not on a bungee rope. There are no dancers, there is no set piece, there is no stage show, no performance, no outfit changes, no real interaction with the band, and no traditional crowd work. He simply stands behind the mic, singing his songs, the screens above him showing live closeups of his face in black and white, and I’m not sure he smiles even once. For a teen heartthrob, he’s… not very throbby.

(His outfit, by the way, will already have been documented and analyzed by a dedicated Instagram account, @fashionlouist, the owners of which can somehow identify the exact brand and name of each piece he’s wearing within the first 20 minutes of every show. His sweatpants today cost £380.)

Louis on the same tour, earlier in the year. Photograph by Amber Patrick

After the fourth song, Louis finally addresses the audience. “(City), make some noise!” He thanks the two opening acts, and points out that this is one of the loudest crowds he has ever had. That’s it. I’m amused at how his lines are almost comically generic, but my friend explains what I’m not getting: “He always thanks the band, and he always says this wouldn’t be possible without the fans. And he wouldn’t say that if he didn’t mean it. And he only says something about the venue when it’s a really special one.”

She doesn’t see his boilerplate statements as him being uninterested or uninteresting. She sees consistency and authenticity, and judging by the beaming smiles all around me, so does everybody else.

Similarly, his outfit may look to me like he tried to make the least amount of effort, but the fandom like that he is “finally getting more comfortable wearing what he wants”.

In case you’re wondering, Louis’s appeal doesn’t lie in his singing skills either — his pitch gets shaky when the melody dips below the falsetto range, but he is clearly making a great effort in this department. Live singing is hard, and for the most part he’s doing a good job at it.

The interchangeable songs go on for a while, and still the elated fans around me seem to know every syllable. It is very warm, very loud, and for an outsider like me, very boring.

I go outside multiple times to have water, to get another beer, to go to the bathroom. I can’t help but notice that I am the only one in my row leaving her seat during the show. Everybody smiles politely as they let me squeeze past, but every time I do it I’m keenly aware of how inappropriate my behavior is. No one else seems to need or want a break.

In the ghostly emptiness outside I overhear a member of the bar staff complaining about the awful evening. At first I don’t understand what they could possibly find offensive about this quintessentially inoffensive music, but it later dawns on me that they were probably referring to the complete lack of beer and concessions sales. Most attendees are either too young to drink legally or too young to want to spend 6,50€ on a beer. Most of them seem to be sharing one cup of water, and no one is leaving during the concert to go to the bar for a refill.

Down the hall, I hear yelling and commotion which turns out to be paramedics on their way outside, transporting a passed-out teenage fan on a stretcher, accompanied by their panicked friend.

When I return to my seat, everybody around me is still scream-singing along to every single word of every single song, including my friend. They are having a great time. It looks like I missed out on “She Is Beauty We Are World Class“, which, as I had learned earlier that evening, is the song his fans collectively take as an opportunity to show off their rainbow flags and create a queer-accepting atmosphere at the show. Though Louis is, by all accounts, a cishet man, the One Direction fandom has a very, let’s say, specific relationship to queerness and queer symbols. More on that in just a moment.

My ears perk up for a bit when Louis gets to Back to You, a label-mandated collab with Digital Farm Animals and Bebe Rexha from 2017. He plays an altered version of the song with more of a rock sound, but it still stands out to me simply for using different chord progressions than all his other songs.

Funnily enough, in the lyrics of another song (We Made It), he directly addresses this qualm of mine: “Singing something poppy on the same four chords, used to worry about it but I don‘t no more“. To his credit, he really doesn’t pretend to be more than he is — that’s all other people‘s doing. Let me explain.

Not counting parents or outsiders like myself, there are three groups of people in this room: former fans of One Direction, Underdog Cheerleaders, and Larry Stylinson conspiracy theorists.

The first group is easy to explain and even easier to relate to: they were big fans of One Direction (or “1D”), and since that band doesn’t exist anymore, the closest thing to it are the concerts by its former members, all of whom have embarked on solo careers. These fans are the ones who visibly come to life during the two 1D songs that Louis plays this evening; and the ones waving the huge rainbow flag with all five 1D members printed on it. (Again, more on that in a second.)

The second group, whom I call the Underdog Cheerleaders, are the group that my friend belongs to. These are the people who are convinced that there was a grand plan by 1D’s management to make Harry Styles the breakout star of the group, and to suppress the careers of all other members for that reason.

But because they, the true fans, appreciate Louis for exactly what he is, they will do anything they can to support this underdog millionaire, whether by making his songs chart by listening at the same time, buying tickets to his livestream performance during Covid, or writing to the BBC to beg them to stop blacklisting his music. (Whether that was ever actually the case is unconfirmed.)

For them, the appeal lies not in his singing, his performance, or songwriting skills. The qualities that are always repeated when people praise Louis Tomlinson are that he is humble and down to earth; a simple lad from a working class family in northern England.

This is pointed out in every single write up about this man. His humanity is further compounded by the untimely deaths of his mother and sister within a few years of each other while he was ascending to solo fame. For the Underdog Cheerleaders, it’s not about music so much as it is about identifying with, celebrating and uplifting the least memorable person in a lineup of five.

And the third group… they are the ones who would purposely pair blue with green. These are the so-called Larries, the people who ship Harry Styles and Louis Tomlinson as a couple.

You can find a great deep dive on the topic here, but the long and short of it is this: While there were ships for almost all possible combinations between the five members of One Direction (resulting in droll ship names such as Nouis or Ziall), the Larry ship was by far the most popular.

The ideological overlap between the Underdog Cheerleaders and the Larries is not zero, but while the cheerleaders just want to see the nice guy win, the Larries also want the nice guy (and Harry Styles) to come out as gay.

They are willing to accept any explanation, however flawed or implausible, for why Louis and Harry have yet to come out as a couple even though they have definitely secretly been together for a decade now and their respective heterosexual partners are absolutely paid actors and they even totally have a secret baby together.

The lack of evidence, the repeated denials by the two men in question and their polite but increasingly desperate requests to stop the madness have only fueled the fire.

The one thing that all three groups share is that for all of them, Louis’s public perception is forever tied up with the existence of Harry Styles. Whether he wants to or not, Louis is forever defined against his more popular former band mate, whether as his colleague, competitor, villain, or lover.

It’s about an hour and a half into the show as I allow myself a peek at the set list on my phone. We’re finally nearing the end. Watching the unsmiling face of Louis Tomlinson, I’m wondering — is he enjoying himself? Who even is this person?

By seeing this image, you have experienced the complete stage show of the “Faith in the Future” tour. Photograph by Steve Jennings

The encore consists of three songs. When Louis gets to the last one, he descends into the pit. Still singing, he walks up to the first row who have been camping outside since the day before in order to get this spot. He touches a few of the outstretched hands, walks along the front row to the left, bends into the crowd for a few seconds, and when he reappears he no longer has his tank top on. His fans have ripped it off his body. He retreats back onto the stage, says a few polite words of thanks, and disappears.

And then, the magic is over as quickly as it began. The lights turn on, background music plays, and people immediately start filing out in an orderly manner. Some are clasping the red confetti bands that rained over the audience during the last song, and their faces look like they will treasure this souvenir forever. In the chilly darkness outside, a well-informed busker with a guitar sings songs by Louis and 1D, and a small crowd gathers around him to sing along while waiting for the shuttle bus back to the city.

At the end of the night, I’m left wondering what all these thousands of young fans really care about. Even though everybody knows all the music by heart, it doesn’t really seem to be about the music. And even though there’s a throng of fans crowded around the stage exit for a chance to wave at the tour bus with Louis in it, I don’t know whether this really has anything to do with him personally.

Because at its innermost core, this fandom is about itself. Not in the sense of its specific members — I didn’t see many fans interacting and making new friends — but rather, the fandom as an abstract entity.

It’s the joy of belonging to an in-group; of sending and receiving signals that only the initiated will understand. The firm belief that you’re backing the right horse, that you’re part of something “Bigger Than Me”, that there is a purpose to your music listening.

Who is Louis Tomlinson? I still have no idea, and neither does it really matter. Nobody else cares. They will make Louis Tomlinson into whatever they need him to be.

#louis tomlinson #harry styles #zayn #liam payne #larries #this is how people outside the fandom view Louis #1d reunion #brilliant analysis

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seasurfacefullofclouds1 · 1 year

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Hi Sea, do you have any thoughts on the headline of the Times article and Louis saying he was “mortified” when the band split.

It’s such an odd choice of headline. I think Louis chooses his words so carefully, so I’m assuming “mortified” is a very deliberate choice.

Why didn’t the interviewer follow up with “why did you feel that, what did you have to feel embarrassed/shame about”? (Rhetorical…fairly sure we know why).

I’m maybe reading too much into it, but the only thing I can think is that this is a subtle confirmation that he was blindsided by intentions after the “hiatus”, and mortified/embarrassed that he’d trusted and taken people at their word.

Ultimately obviously I think it’s a massively poor article, and frustrating that (yet again) the focus is 1D/Harry, but some of the things he’s said are intriguing.

Hi,

From the Times article, I will reprint all of Louis’ standalone quotes. We’ll see that this reads very differently from the rest of the article, almost with an exact opposite tone and intention.

“All right?”

“I’ve always had a problem with ‘ego’, and I’ve always been worried about being one of those people in the public eye who just loses all sense of reality, and becomes an arsehole. I’m from Doncaster.”

“If someone does come up after an hour to ask for a selfie, I won’t say no and I won’t run away, especially if I’m three pints deep!”

“With this job, there’s so much room for overthinking, you know? Someone from the record label will tell you they like your stuff, but you find yourself thinking: yeah, but do they? It’s the fans that help you really believe in yourself.”

“I do miss the boys, and I do definitely miss being one of the five, but I like doing my own thing too. It was time.”

“This is a confidence game for anyone, and there’s been plenty of moments of vulnerability throughout the entire process.”

“Only Harry knows what he means there. It’s hard to speculate. But we all came from relatively humble beginnings, and now we are where we are.”

“Some of the things that have happened recently have been quite drastic, yeah, but then so much in my life seems to have been pretty extreme, one way or the other. There’ve been challenging times, definitely. It’s funny, but I couldn’t even tell you how many years ago my mum passed, I just blank it out. But for the first 18 months, I’d take any form of bad luck personally. I’d feel every tiny thing. But now I genuinely feel I’ve come out the other side. I feel more empathy for everything and everyone these days.”

“[Leaving Syco] was mostly amicable. Simon always had my best interests at heart, and I liked him. He had his faults of course, like all of us, but it was always inevitable I’d have to go off and do my own thing.”

“[Writing with artists rather than professional songwriters] was a big difference, huge. These are people who live and breathe music. It’s the first time I felt really comfortable doing my own stuff, you know?”

“When I was in the band, working with professional songwriters whose entire aim was to write the hit single, they’d tell me that singing in my natural accent wasn’t commercial. Sorry, but what a shit idea. Who wants to sound like everybody else? I dumbed down a little bit in the band, because you do, but I’ve learnt who I am now.”

“Well, being a role model for one. I never wanted that. I always had to worry whether it was OK if, say, I was seen here or if I could get away with smoking a joint there, before concluding: hmm, probably not. But I never wanted to be the perfect pop star, especially in the climate of Instagram. I don’t want to put an artificial world out there. I think it’s important that people see your scars, your flaws.”

“When One Direction split up, I was mortified, I was absolutely gutted. I was a bit bitter, I suppose, because it just felt like another loss to me. But I’ve a better understanding of things now, and there’s not as much anger. It is what it is. Getting back together at some point is hard to imagine right now, but I’d be surprised if we lived out our lives and didn’t have a moment where we had a reunion, or whatever you want to call it. I’d be up for that.”

“Well, it’s not a surprise is it? We were always aware that Harry fit that mould, and it’s been an amazing thing to watch. Envy? At the start maybe, when I was trying to find my feet, but it’s never healthy to cross-reference your own success with others, is it? These days I’m learning to elevate myself in those moments when I have to. I didn’t know how to do that before, but now? Now I know I f***ing can.”

Journalists are usually trained to be as objective as possible, to present the artist in the context of their work without interjecting their own “psychological” read on motivation. However, this journalist seemed to be determined to overlay his weirdly personal, obsessively biased narrative over Louis’ words, by framing Louis as someone who lost to Harry Styles and is still bitter about it.

The journalist’s interpretation directly contradicts Louis OWN WORDS, “But I’ve a better understanding of things now, and there’s not as much anger. It is what it is,” and also, “It’s never healthy to cross-reference your own success with others, is it?” The journalist obsessively read into Harry’s words as well, hunting for a confirmation from Louis that Harry is actually more articulate and sympathetic than he is — so much so that in the article Louis has basically had to say, “No comment.”

It reads like the confrontation with the Australian television show where the interviewer obsessively dwelled on the college class about Harry, and Louis replied, “Why don’t you sign up? You seem very interested.”

As for Louis’ using the word “mortified,” we can see that Louis placed it in the context of feeling “gutted,” and grieving for “another loss.” The band’s end really was like the death of something irrecoverable to him. He has expressed in previous interviews how he did not expect hiatus to be a permanent break because no one in the position of knowing (including Harry) was honest with the rest of the band. No one would tell them definitively. The reason was probably that they were hedging on 1D as the backup route if solo Harry failed. At the time, it probably felt risky for Sony to kill such a moneymaker, to alienate the other guys in this way… but as it turned out, Harry Styles is fine with leaving no prisoners standing. Harry uses their names only when he mocks the boys or needs a PR shine.

#the times #louis tomlinson #24 february 2023

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griseldabanks · 7 months

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11, 13, 34, and 41

11. Are you partial to a certain character/pairing or are you more equal-opportunity? If you are partial to any character/pairing, why do you think that is?

Well, obviously I tend to write the most about my favorite characters, and my favorite characters tend to be brothers (like the Elric brothers) or at least in a brotherly sort of friendship (like Steve and Bucky). I think a lot of that comes from my brother being my best friend growing up. There are a lot fewer stories about a brother-sister duo rather than two brothers, for some reason, so those are the characters I end up falling for most of the time. I just love the camaraderie and selfless nature of sibling love, two people who have known each other their whole lives and would literally die for each other.

Within brother duos, it's usually really hard for me to pick a favorite, but now I'm wondering what the result would be if I did a study to see whether I end up writing one POV more than the other. Without taking the time to do so (because that would take forever), I would guess I've written more from Ed's POV than Al in my FMA fics, mostly because he's the main character (so he's the one things happen to most often), and because my Parental!RoyEd 100 Themes fic skews things away from Al. In my MCU fics...that's harder to say. I might end up writing Steve more, but with the focus still usually being on helping Bucky through various issues. Probably because that's really what I'd want to do if I were there.

You know, that's interesting. In both of those duos, my first impulse would be to say that Ed and Steve are the ones that I identify with less, but they're the POVs I end up writing more. If, indeed, that is the case.

13. Are there any tropes you used to like but don’t anymore?

Ugh, I hate answering questions about tropes, because I always end up feeling like everything is a trope or nothing is -_- I've never particularly cared for the main tropes people talk a lot about, like "enemies to lovers" or "only one bed" or "high school AU" or whatever. The closest I can think of is that I read a lot fewer sickfics than I used to? After a while, they all start sounding the same unless you do something different with them, because there's only so many ways a person can be lying in bed, sick with something, while someone else takes care of them. I wouldn't say I categorically dislike sickfics - I've written plenty myself - but I think I pass more of them up these days than I used to.

34. What aspects of your writing are inspired by/taken from your real life?

Other than the very occasional dream-based fic or something, it's mostly the small details that worm their way in. Like how I have Steve hardly ever use his voice when he cries - I'm the same way. Or my OC Leyla, who has a cat named Simon who is based on this lovely cat who hung around my college campus one year, who would yowl angrily at you until you sat down and made a lap for him to curl up in (we named him for Simon's Cat). Or any number of books and movies that get referenced because I like them and want to get a chance to talk about them, even just briefly. And...well, I haven't written it yet, but let me just say that when I finally get to the point of writing Steve and Sharon's wedding, the mishap I'm planning for their special day is based on the mishap from my parents' wedding ;)

41. Link a fic that made you think, “Wow, I want to write like that.”

There are so manyyyyyyy @_@ I don't know how to pick just one, because I tend to think that whenever I read any halfway-competent fic. I'm pretty confident when it comes to grammar and wordsmithing; I know I can write a coherent story with nothing egregiously wrong. But I always feel like everybody else is so much better at characterization - both at understanding what really makes the character tick, and in conveying that to others. I'm also pretty bad at writing humor (or at least, it takes three times as much effort as writing anything else), so any time I read something that makes me laugh, I think, "I wish I could write like that."

But I have to pick something, so I'll pick the first fic I thought of that fits both of these criteria: "Silver Bullet" by @x-rainflame-x It's an FMA fic in which Ed becomes convinced that Mustang is a werewolf, and it is a hilariously, beautifully written piece of almost-crack XD I long for the day when I might be able to put someone in stitches as much as I was when I read it, while still being so true to the characters even in such an extreme situation.

Fic Writer Asks

#ask and you shall receive #a2on1break #ask games

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strawberrywindow · 3 months

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hmm for the ship ask game Katherine Collins/Catherine Chun?

BRO we're on the same wavelength bc I literally had another post I was working on for these two about their parallels already in the works lol! 😭❤️

Ship It

1. I def ship it lmao. They may live in two different game universes with a centuries time difference between them but they're also two of the smartest people, canonically in their respective games, alive so I think they can figure that out 😂.

I think they would be able to understand each other in a way a lot of other people around them can't because unfortunately their intelligence winds up separating them from the people around them a bit and their less than stellar skills in socializing add further difficulty to that. But I think Kate and Cath are similar enough they'd be very comfortable with each other.

I also like to think they'd be just as mindblown by the other's prowess in science as people normally are by THEM and it feels like finally finding an equal in a lot of ways. I think Kath would find the ARK project an absolutely wonderful and endearing idea and Cath would be endlessly fascinated by the Pattern/liquid light phenomenon. The only hiccup I can foresee is maybe Kate getting attached to the WAU and personifying it in the way she does the Pattern which Cath would def not agree with. 😂 BUT Kate also mainly personified the Pattern bc she was lonely and sad and Stephen is a bit of a bitch so if she had Catherine that might help her feel the need to not resort to those levels of desperate companionship as much. 🤧🤧

2. My favorite things about the ship are honestly mainly that it's about two nerdy ass, science loving gals finding love in each other in the face of a world that literally shuns them for their idiosyncracies. Cath and Kate deserved so much better than they got and both of their stories end in tragedy. I've made another post a while ago talking about how it breaks my heart that Cath is murdered for finally speaking up for herself when the whole game we hear audios telling her she needs to be more assertive, and I think it is equally tragic that Kate sacrifices everything she has for an alien Pattern that likely is going to absorb her the same way it absorbed everyone else bc she incorrectly interpreted what it really wanted due to her own loneliness. Loneliness is a heavy running theme for these two and in my heart that needs to be fixed with sapphic romance lmao 🥲🥲🥲 (shoutout to the characters that WERE nice to them tho - Simon, Imogen, and Sarah for Cath and Father Jeremy and Frank for Kate 🤧)

3. Hmmm I don't know if I have any unpopular opinions on it bc I've never seen anyone else ship them so I guess the ship in and of itself is an unpopular opinion but that's probably bc more people need to play Everybody's Gone to the Rapture so they can enjoy Kate as a character! And if they've played that and not SOMA, then play SOMA, it's worth it avssgsdhdhf 🤣

Maybe bc it would take away from Cath and Imogen's relationship too? But I still love that ship just as much too, there's always room to pair characters up with everyone around imo bc its about making interesting dynamics💫 😂

Thank you for the ask and letting me ramble about these ladies, sorry it got a little long 🤣❤️

#ask game #catherine chun #katherine collins #soma #everybody's gone to the rapture #frictional games #the chinese room

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twdbegins · 2 years

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A Second Round

Simon x Fem! Reader

Warnings: Language. Blood. Mentions of violence.

Word Count: 2.4k

“What? Listen, he had it coming.”

“You can’t stay mad at me forever, sweetheart.” Simon charmed, a grin beaming wide on his face.

He didn’t get a verbal response from you, only a pissed off glance that sent a chill down his back. You continued to wrap his right hand that had busted knuckles and bruising skin that was stained with blood – giving him the silent treatment as you worked. It wasn’t often that you were irritated and upset with him, but it always gave him the jitters on the rare occasion that you were. You weren’t pleasant when you were angry, because it took more than the average person to get revved up. Simon was less level-headed, and that was part of the reason that he was in this situation now.

“I didn’t beat him that bad. He walked out of here pretty unharmed, right?” Simon questioned, speaking again to try to get an answer out of you.

That much was true. It had been more of a courtyard scuffle rather than a blowout fight. It was only enough for each of them to throw a few punches before getting broken up and separated. The other Savior didn’t have much injury other than an achy hand and a swelling eye that would be black and blue by the time morning came around. Simon had come in shortly after, just as you were closing the infirmary up for the night. His bloodied nose and the way he had been cradling his shredded hand was an immediate tell – and the victorious smile on his face had been a giveaway too.

“I just don’t know how many times I have to tell you to stop getting hurt at my expense.” You didn’t answer his initial question, keeping your motions gentle as you continued to tend to his hand.

“This is only the second time that I’ve gotten into a scrap with him. This time wasn’t nearly as bad as last time,” Simon reminded you. “I’m not just going to let him get away with shit-talking you.”

“He’s not worth it, Si. You know that.”

“I know, I know. I still can’t just turn the other way,” Simon’s free hand came to your hip to touch you. “You mean too much to me.”

Simon’s fateful Savior opponent wasn’t the most well-liked guy. He had only been at The Sanctuary for about six or seven months, and he had caused quite a stir in the current duration of his time. He had an ego that was so inflated that it was about the only thing that anyone could really notice about him. He wasn’t very fond of the idea of having to work his way up to a higher standing, and he really didn’t like the fact that it was impossible for him to get to the top. This guy found ways to fight everybody over absolutely anything. Simon thought of it as a dominance complex, but whatever it was, it was annoying.

Simon didn’t like him, and he didn’t like Simon. Simon did everything he could to keep his interactions limited with him, only conversing with him when he had to. Simon could handle the harsh comments and the threats when they were directed towards himself – he was used to Saviors who thought that they were bigger than what they were trying to get under his skin. Simon had developed an extreme patience for dealing with that, and now it was hardly even a blip in his day when those comments did make it to his ears.

Simon knew who he was, and he knew what his title held for him. As long as you and Negan were on good terms with him, then he didn’t rightly care about much else. However, today’s fight had been the second one in the last three months – and it wasn’t because the Savior in question had finally gotten to Simon.

The Savior wasn’t thrilled to learn that pretty much all of the women were off limits. The woman that he was interested in often held a “Negan’s wife” title, and he almost learned the hard way just how that system worked. It was one of his main complaints, because he was pretty much desperate for any lady to give him any kind of attention. All of the Saviors knew who you were – considering it was pretty standard to have to pay your infirmary a visit at least three or four times a year, not including the annual physical. When he caught word that you weren’t one of Negan’s wives, he was all over it. The catch was that no one told him that you had been with Simon for just over three years, and that information was lost on him. He started coming into the infirmary several times a week, and each visit was less urgent than the last.

It didn’t take you very long to figure out why he was coming by, which was when you had to deliver the news to him that you were indeed not on the market. Not surprisingly, that didn’t stop his attempts – and it wasn’t until you had to get Negan and Simon involved that he eased off. He was embarrassed from the rejection and annoyed that he had struck out once again, so he started loud-mouthing you. No one believed any of the shit he said, so his comments really just turned into insults. You brushed them off, not thinking anything of it – but Simon didn’t brush them off, not even close.

“I don’t want to have to get used to patching you up every other week,” You told him, your tone a little more friendly than before. “You can’t afford to get hurt over someone like him.”

Simon scoffed at that. He hardly considered him any real threat. Besides, Negan was always on Simon’s side, so it wasn’t like he was risking getting into any massive trouble. Simon was pretty sure that someone bigger and angrier would take care of that Savior’s loud mouth without Simon even having to play into it. He wasn’t worried, but that didn’t stop him from reassuring you.

“I promise you, doll. I’d fight him any day.” Simon snickered.

“Simon!” You scolded.

“What? Listen, he had it coming.” Simon defended himself.

“You don’t have anything to prove, you know.” You reminded him, and he nodded.

“I know that,” He agreed. “But would you stand aside if one of the wives started talking shit about me?”

Simon knew he had you pinned there. You were a bit hypocritical for thinking the desire to defend the other’s dignity was a one way street. It was the truth after all – you would’ve done the same thing if the roles had been reversed.

The first time that Simon had heard your name come out of the Savior’s mouth had been a bad altercation. Simon didn’t even give the guy a chance to explain or allow any room for reasoning. Simon beat him to the ground, and beat him until he physically couldn’t anymore. That had been a rough cleanup, and it took almost two weeks for Simon to heal up and start feeling well again. Simon’s injuries had been nothing compared to his opponent, who was out of commission for double the time that Simon was.

You had not been happy with Simon after that fallout. Your worry and concern drifted into aggravation once you had gotten Simon taken care of because you never, ever wanted Simon to pick fights with people over you. Simon hadn’t regretted what he had done, but he wasn’t pleased with knowing that it had upset you like it had. That hadn’t been his intention whatsoever, but he made a note to himself not to let it get so out of hand next time. Simon honestly didn’t even expect there to be a next time. He assumed that his message had been crystal clear and duly delivered. He was proven wrong, though, when the same thing happened again.

Simon had been finishing up for the night, doing last minute chores and making sure everyone else was squared away. He was navigating through The Sanctuary, passing through the lower warehouse when he heard the Savior’s dreaded voice – and the content of what he was saying was even less admired. It was the same criticisms as before, and it seemed that Simon’s nemesis hadn’t learned his lesson. Simon had kept you in mind as he decided what to do to handle the situation. He truly did try to talk it out first, but didn’t get very far. The fight was broken up before it could escalate to anything major – and Simon didn’t even stick around to bask in the glory. He instead went straight to you to both gossip about it and get his hand fixed up.

“Just try to avoid him….more than you already have,” You requested of him dryly, wrapping the last of his now clean and dressed hand. “Give your hand a few days to heal.”

Simon’s hand fell from your side when you walked away to go back to the cabinet, and he looked at his bandaged hand.

“Do you think I’ll have a scar?” Simon asked, changing the subject.

You reached for a pack of clean gauze, taking it into your hands as you looked back at Simon. He was observing his hand closely, an amused smirk on his face as he looked it over.

“I don’t think so,” You told him. “Sorry to disappoint.”

“Ah. I guess I can’t win ‘em all.” He sighed.

He could tell that you still weren’t pleased with him, but you were beginning to crack. The truth was, you were grateful that Simon felt compelled to stand up for you – but you never liked the thought of him getting hurt over it. There were some massively strong Saviors at The Sanctuary, and some of them were bigger than Simon. There had been Savior fights not involving Simon that you had to see the aftermath of, and it wasn’t always pretty. You had seen Saviors nearly beaten to death, and some of them had been beaten to death. You were only irritated over Simon getting involved because you cared about him – if you didn’t love him, then you wouldn’t bitch at him about it.

“So, does your boyfriend get a kiss for being such a good patient?” He asked when you returned to stand in front of him.

His feet dangled off of the exam table as he sat patiently, his brown pools staring up at you with expectation.

“If you stay still and let me clean you up, then maybe.” You replied, soaking the corner of one of the gauze pads in a cleaning disinfectant – it was the best supplies that you had to get the blood off.

Simon’s nose area was bloodied and red, staining his skin and his facial hair. You carefully wiped and rid his face of the dried blood, being careful not to aggravate his nose in case it was broken.

“What are you going to tell Negan in the morning? You know he’s going to sit you down and grill you about it.” You said, apologizing when he winced when you touched a sensitive spot on his nose.

“I’ll tell him the same as last time,” Simon shrugged. “Fucker was being an asshole.”

“And that’ll hold up?” You acquired.

“Sure it will. I think he’d be disappointed if I gave him any other reason,” Simon chuckled. “Do you think I’ll be fine to work tomorrow?”

Simon’s nose didn’t feel broken anywhere, and the worst case scenario was that it’d be sore for him for a couple of days. Simon was relatively unscathed, and for that you were thankful.

“Yeah, just don’t do too much with your hand. I can take a look at it again in the morning,” You offered. “It’ll be okay in a week or so.”

Simon nodded with understanding, standing from the table and rising to his feet. He used his good hand to pull you into him, his tall frame towering over you. You didn’t react much, and he couldn’t help but feel a little hurt.

“Don’t be like that, baby. You know that I don’t make a habit out of getting into fights,” He pleaded for something other than the cold shoulder, “Kiss me.”

It was tempting. Everything about him was tempting. He knew that he had you beat, and that you couldn’t stay pissed off about something that you easily would’ve done too. Against your wishes, your lips crept into a smile – your head raising to kiss him sweetly. He chuckled into the kiss, a feeling of relief flushing over him. He was serious this time that he was done getting into squabbles with that guy, because Simon knew better than to test his luck by asking for your forgiveness over and over again.

“Are you tired?” You asked when you pulled away.

“Unbelievably.” He answered, and it was clear on his face.

“Well, what do you say we go to bed? It’s late, and I could use a good night of sleep.” You told him, and he agreed with that statement.

You put everything back in the cabinet and closed everything up for the night. You’d be back in the morning, but it was always best to secure everything. You and Simon walked to his room side by side, catching up on each other’s days before the fight.

“Negan wants me to scout some place that someone tipped him off about. Apparently it potentially has some useful stuff,” Simon explained as the two of you climbed the staircase to your floor. “I’m supposed to be going with Arat, but I’m sure that I could convince her to take a raincheck if you want to go instead.”

“I’d have to ask Negan. He might want me to stick around for any unforeseen fist fights.” You tried to hide your smirk as he held the door open for you to walk past him.

“Come on, honey. Cut me some slack,” Simon huffed, following you through the door and pulling you back into him by your waist to make you stop walking. “I only did it because I love you.”

That much you knew, and you couldn’t help but notice the sudden warmth in your cheeks at his words of affection.

“I know. I just wish you’d be a little more careful.” You admitted, and his expression turned sympathetic.

“I’m always careful,” He professed, pressing his lips to the center of your forehead. “I’ll always make sure that I make it back to you at the end of the day.”

#simon twd #simon twd x reader #simon twd x fem! reader #simon twd x female reader #simon twd x you #simon twd x y/n #simon twd fluff #simon twd hurt/comfort #simon twd oneshot #simon twd oneshots #simon twd imagine #simon twd imagines #simon twd fanfic #simon twd fanfiction #twd #the walking dead #the walking dead fanfiction #twdbegins

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bazzybelle · 2 years

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Unsung Heroes

I love this idea @mostlymaudlin, thank you so much for tagging me! I tried to focus on fics that had less than 200 kudos, with the exception of one that I'm including as a BONUS (and I'll explain why when the time comes).

A Man of Letters, or Five Times Baz Retreats, and the One Time He Doesn't: By @palimpsessed

Summary: After the war with Napoleon, all Simon wants is peace and quiet in the country with his friend Penny, but night terrors and panic attacks weren't the only surprises awaiting him back home. Dowager Lady Salisbury saw news of Simon's exploits abroad and arrived on his doorstep with the shocking revelation that he was her grandson. At his grandmother's insistence, Simon accompanied his newfound family to London, overwrought by excitement at the chance to finally belong, and anxiety from the struggle to fit his new role. Baz is heir to two very wealthy and well-respected families in England, but that hasn't stopped tongues from wagging. Baz has always been more interested in fashion and philosophy than in helping his father run the estate, and he refuses to settle down. Despite his recent sterling showing at Oxford, Baz's father has begun to lose all patience with his recalcitrant son. Matters went from bad to worse when Baz's fiancé threw him over only days after their engagement became public, rekindling rumours the family hoped to quash. Against his father's wishes, Baz has trooped off to London for another season with his friends, but the looming death knell of his good name has soured his last act of rebellion.

I love this fic for so many reasons, including that it was a COTTA fic, and that I love anything that Pal writes. But also the fact that it was SO CLEVERLY written! It's told through a series of letters either by Simon or by Baz, and the last chapter is just... SIIIIIIGH. I don't want to spoil too much because it is SO worth the read. :D

Just like Everybody Else Does: By DefinitelyYou (not on tumblr as far as I know)

Summary: It’s not the most embarrassing situation I’ve ever found myself in, but it’s still well embarrassing. Might even be in my top five, up there with the time I spelled my shirt and trousers off in Ms. Possibelf’s class, leaving me only in my pants, socks, and trainers. I’m not nearly as starkers this time around, but I still feel naked, emotionally speaking. I’m standing in the middle of the clearing in the Wavering Wood on a makeshift dance floor surrounded by magicked fairy lights while possibly the most depressing song I’ve ever heard rings through the clearing. I’ve been deserted by both my girlfriend and my nemesis, and everyone is watching my next move.

This author is BRILLIANT! And I know most people are more familiar with their other fic, How Shall I Love Thee When You are Gone? (With good reason, that fic is amazing). However, I found that this fic doesn't get nearly as much love as it should. I remember clicking on it because I love that song, and then being completely struck down with the angst and pining. Highly, highly recommend this fic.

The Window of Opportunity Series: By basiltonjeans (not on tumblr as far as I know)

Summary: Simon Snow meets Baz Pitch when he's eight years old, and they become the best of friends. With every year that passes, their friendship becomes more and more complicated. When Simon is eleven, he loses Baz, and is forced to pick up the pieces and move on. When Simon is old enough to truly get a grasp on the situation, he realises it's been love all along. He just hopes it's not too late. or; every year, something in Simon's life has changed. One thing always remains consistent: Baz.

This SERIES! You guys! This is one of my absolute all time favourite series. I read it a few years ago, when I just joined the fandom, and I remember when they posted the final two fics. I know, it's technically cheating because it isn't one fic, but 4, but I am telling you, these fics are wonderful. It has childhood friends to enemies to missed opportunities, to reconnection... Just a bucketful of warmth.

BONUS ROUND

Black Sheep: By @f-ing-ruthless-baz

Summary: “What’s her name?” “Whomst?” He’s been drinking. Of course. “The girl who suddenly started appearing in your Instagram posts a few weeks ago,” I say. I don’t want to fight him on this tonight. (This morning, I guess.) “I assume she will no longer be appearing in them?” “Oof. Niall. You’re so clever,” he says. “You should have been top of the class at Watford, instead of that twat. ”I snort a laugh, despite myself. “That twat was your best friend.” Dev makes a noise akin to pffffpfhhhthtttthh! “He was my cousin. You were my best friend, you dick.” “Stop, you’re making me blush.” “Anyway,” he says after an extra long beat, “her name’s not important.” It's been over a year since Dev and Niall left Watford--and Dev left England altogether. Since he left Niall behind.

So I know I said I would stick to fics under 200 kudos, and this fic beats that amount (also I thought I had bookmarked this fic, turns out I DIDN'T), but THIS FIC NEEDS MORE LOVE! Naturally I love everything that FIRB writes (and they know this), but this fic opened up the world of DeNiall for me. I never really saw them together until I read this fic. FIRB is so good with words and writing complex emotions.

Including those I've tagged above, I'm also tagging @carryonsimoncarryonbaz, @fight-surrender, @amywaterwings, @ninemagicks, @martsonmars, @aroace-genderfluid-sheep, @captain-aralias and @wellbelesbian

#spread some love #love this idea so much!!!#bookmark tag #belle babbles #I need to read CO fics again #there are so many fics being recced that LOOK SO GOOD #and I'm here all... so this fic is from 2019...

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cloveroctobers · 3 years

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a smidge of in depth for this one...how they react to someone saying they’d die for them.

“then perish.” — I placed patience and Layla here?

Patience: she’s the character that doesn’t seem to sugarcoat anything. She can be very vocal, blunt, and sometimes sarcastic. (I get Sag, Scorpio, and Aries energy or maybe even Capricorn? Who knows that’s another topic lol.) However when it comes to relationships...if she’s in one of those moods where she doesn’t want to hear it or wants to keep SOMETHING to herself and feels that the person who is making this statement to her is being overtop by saying such!!! she’ll probably turn around and say something along those lines just to say it, not really fully meaning it but said it because she’ll know that’ll get you/them to shut up. Now if it’s someone who said this to her and she’s pissed/dislikes their character then she wants to see if they’re really about it. Patience is ride or die—that much is obvious ex.) when it came to her tossing the gun to save Coop’s ass.

Layla: she might be sweet but she’s got some spice in her. Layla can be a mean girl and she knows words hurt. Sticks and stones don’t mean shit around here. Again these all depend on the situation but I do feel like if this was out of hurt then Layla’s going to say this to make sure the person knows she’s serious when she says this. When she��s hurt she wants everyone else to feel what the hell she’s feeling. Which can be a unhealthy trait but that’s why I placed her here. Layla can take her hurt out on anyone in her path since she doesn’t know how to handle her pain due to her own neglect from her father.

“you will” — I placed Chris, Coop, and Jordan here

Chris: I feel like Chris will say this nonchalantly not really believing the person thinking they are just saying this to be saying it. He thinks nothing of it, actually finding it amusing more than anything. It’s more of a question mark with a dry tone more than a demand...unless you’ve pissed him off. We’ve seen pissed off chris and it probably doesn’t feel nice to be on the receiving end. Then in that case it’s more of a prove it statement which is also insane. But I’m sure this meme isn’t that serious to begin with 😂

Coop: we’ve already seen how that went with her and Spence. If someone said this to her she’s immediately confused and giving you/them a “wtf” glance. “You will—what? I’m not asking you to do all that. I’m not asking anybody to do anything for me, especially dyin’! I know you dropped something on the ground a few seconds ago and clearly, it’s yo mind!”

Jordan: this guy! My main man’s on the other hand...took me a minute to place him somewhere accurately. I feel like he can also fit in “I’d die for you first”= If he’s talking about Simone or someone he’s in love with, he might say this but will be shitting himself if that time actually comes literally speaking ofc. and “cool” = if he’s being asshole Jordan from season 1. Anyways, Jordan can be stubborn and impulsive (which is why I think he’s got Taurus and Aries energy) so again it depends on who exactly is saying this to him. Jordan is a guy about action so if you’re saying this to him, he wants you to not only mean it but show him how much you care. This is a demand.

“please don’t” — Olivia, Simone, Kia, and Darnell are taking this spot for me

Olivia: she’s been close to death before twice and daily with her addiction + witnessing Spencer take a bullet before and to have someone else say this to her is absolutely triggering so don’t say it or do it pls because she cannot and will not handle/cope well

Simone: she’s confused and will literally beg because she doesn’t want that on her Conscience. Even if it’s not that serious she doesn’t play with the idea of death. There’s too much to live for and she’s thankful that the person thinks so highly of her but she values life and knows she’s probably worth it but she never wants to have any control over anyone’s life especially when it comes to that aspect

Kia: similar to Simone. She’s looking at you/them crazy and asking if they’re okay? She might even laugh shortly about it. She’s aware of her worth but no one should have to end their journey in this lifetime over her. She appreciates it but it’s a no from her regardless

Darnell: “why tho?” Is basically his expression or his words. Then if he finds that they truly mean it he’s flattered but would much rather have them around to enjoy their time together. He already lost someone pretty important to him before (Cory) so he’s a little upset by what was said. He likes to keep the people he cares about close to him as possible even if they don’t mean it literally

“cool” — JJ, Shawn, and Vanessa

JJ: it’s more of a thrilled “cool!” Like wow you care that much about me that you’re willing to not only do that but eventually say it? Words of affirmation is JJ’s thing okay?! Automatic respect from JJ!!! If this is said; and it’s most likely mutual from him. Are we even surprised?

Shawn: he doesn’t believe it. It’s brushed off and he’s probably distracted doing something but it doesn’t really click until it’s quiet and he realizes. “You’ve been listening to that song by The Weeknd again huh?” He jokes but still appreciates them/you for saying such

Vanessa: it’s more a smile and shrug. She clearly heard what was said and she’s like “IKTR.” It’s hinted that the girl is confident and likes for others to be the same and to stand in their truth. Which is why she’s so drawn to Asher (😒 girl says it a thousand times since we’ve met her) and JJ. So if this is said to her it boosts her ego even if they’re just saying it to get on her good side

“I’d die for you first” — Spencer & Asher

Spencer: this is no shock. Do I even have to explain lol? Coop. Olivia. Spencer is a protector yet it can come off as a super hero complex. He can’t save everybody. But he will for damn sure try. That’s his character. He cares for his people and will do anything for them. And anyone. If that means death too then so be it.

Asher: again it depends on the relationship with this person. If it’s someone he truly cares about I think he’ll say it before he actually means it? Asher is still finding himself as a person (as they all are) and he seems to always search or either find what he can get from someone else? Ex.) Layla and Olivia + potential love interest with Vanessa and I don’t think it’s really intentional per say but if someone shows him a little bit of attention or that they care he can cling onto that (Leo energy? again probably a issue from his parents) quite quickly. So he might say it because it he felt like it was the right thing to say in that moment. Or if he’s genuinely in love, then this is what he’ll say because he seems like he can be passionate in relationships idk about him

A/N: Fin! Goodnight! That’s my writing for today. Agree or disagree?

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fuckyeahprodigalson · 3 years

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SPOILERS!

After spending all season covering up Nicholas Endicott’s (Dermot Mulroney) death, criminal profiler Simon Hoxley (Alan Cumming) came to New York on the PRODIGAL SON spring premiere, determined to get to the bottom of the murder. But luckily for Bright (Tom Payne)—and the Whitly family—a link in the chain of people he used to dispose the body ended up being their possible salvation: after one of his connections snapped and killed the other people who transported the corpse, Bright was able to spin a theory that she killed Endicott, too.

With that wrapped up, Hoxley also left—after Bright convinced Ainsley (Halston Sage) to sit down with the Mind Sleuth for a one-on-one interview—and the Whitly family celebrated their narrowest escape yet.

But…are they really in the clear?

PRODIGAL SON co-creators Chris Fedak and Sam Sklaver tease what’s to come…

They got away with it! In your mind, is the Endicott case closed or are you leaving that door open for the future? Sam Sklaver: Bright has done a very nice job of [tying things up]. But when we were, early in the season, talking to our one of our advisors who specializes in serial killers, and we said, “What’s the best way to get away with a murder?” And he told us no body, no murder. And the problem is there is an Endicott body.

So I’d like to think that Bright and the Whitlys have gotten away with it…but history always has a way of catching up with the Whitly family. So I think it might just be one more thing to haunt them in the future. I can’t say that anything in the past will ever just stay in the past.

Is this something you’re looking to play with later in the season, or is that more something that might get explored in later seasons? Chris Fedak: We’re going another direction for this season. We have a couple of really exciting things coming up. For Endicott this year, we always like to have twists and turns—[Joking] and you should never trust us, let’s be honest, Sam and I are terrible, terrible liars—but we’re about to depart on a new journey of suspense…we have some new stuff coming up.

At the end of the episode, Martin (Michael Sheen) and Vivian (Catherine Zeta-Jones) kiss—which certainly does not seem like it’s destined to go well, frankly, for either of them. What’s in store for that dynamic going forward? Sklaver: You hit the nail on the head. I think most people who enter The Surgeon’s life, it usually makes their life not better, but worse. Vivian Capshaw is finding herself within The Surgeon’s gaze. So, I am nervous for her. I’m 100% nervous for her. I’m also nervous for her just because we’ve really grown to love Catherine; she’s so amazing on set. And just as a person and with the actors and with our crew—I’m terrified for her; I’m with you 100%. [Laughs.]

Should we be a little bit worried for him, as well? We know he’s dangerous, but she, in theory, does have the bulk of the power in this situation. She seems to be calling a lot of his BS and has been manipulating him, as well… Fedak: I think that’s a really smart perspective on it—she’s no wilting violet. She’s a strong, smart, very sophisticated woman who has a taste for the bad boys—and by which I mean serial killers. So it’s definitely a place where she knows how to to use her authority within Claremont to protect herself and to also keep things from coming out. That’s something that Martin has to be careful of, because he is a patient at Claremont, he is under her thumb, in a way.

Earlier in the season, we got to see Dani (Aurora Perrineau) and Bright coupled up, albeit in his twisted dream state. How much will we be seeing him examine his feelings for her in the rest of season 2? Fedak: We’re exploring the Dani-Bright relationship. [Episode] 6 was a great opportunity for us to remind the audience of it to kind of launch the second half of our season, with an idea of exploring who they are and can these two ships ever come together, or are they doomed? As we head into this side of the season, you’re definitely going to be getting more of Dani and Bright. And, also, like everybody in our show, he needs somebody to talk to. And I think that so often he hasn’t been able to talk to anybody this season because 1) Nicolas Endicott, and then 2) we’ve got something that’s going to kind of bind the whole team together. It’s coming up and it’s going to be huge. The enormity of this event is going to cause everybody to seek refuge and to seek help. And for Bright, that’s going to require him to talk to Dani. Sklaver: The events of episode 6 definitely left a mark in Bright’s mind. And so he is seeing Dani in a different way, which is very exciting for us. You just hope that life doesn’t get in the way, as it often does of his family.

What can you share about this very big event? Fedak: It has something to do with The Surgeon and his plans.

Is this something where fans will retroactively realize the seeds you planted for this story, will it come out of nowhere, or a mixture of the two? Fedak: I think that it is something that we’ve been laying the seeds for for quite some time. Sklaver: And I think it will shock everyone. I think we’ve been laying the seeds for it and it will shock everyone. Fedak: It’s also the second book of the Old Testament. [Laughs.]

Which is Exodus…Should we be expecting to see Martin, potentially, in a different situation than we’ve seen him the first year and a half? Fedak: Let me be even more cryptic: We’ve done a lot of testing hair color for Martin. We’re doing some interesting things.

Intriguing. On another note, how much will JT’s struggles with the force play into what’s ahead? Fedak: I don’t think it’s so much a matter of putting anything off. We brought some very important issues into episodes. And, for us, we ran into a couple of things having to do with production, that kind of changed our plans a little bit in regards to how we filmed the show. But none of those stories have been completed.

For us, our perspective is we want to tell a story that gets into the emotion and the reality of what our characters are going through, especially JT and Dani in regards to that story. We’re not playing out a story where we’re going to solve racism; that would be a not great [or realistic] story. But I think that what we’re going to show as we head toward our finale, and going forward in the show, is that these are a long tail, and that this story that we started here is something that we are going to be playing out in the future.

But it’s not the type of thing that can fit in 13 episodes of television. This story will work more like, this is a part of their lives, and it will come in and out. And it will affect them. And I think we’re going to come at that a little bit differently than we would, say, dealing with our Big Bad of a season or something along those lines.

Looking ahead to the finale, you had a very clear point set for season 1. With production so in flux this year, were you able to be as firm with where you end up at the end of season 2? Or did it have to be more flexible? Sklaver: It’s a mixture of the two things. We’re always flexible, because we always need to be flexible. But we have a very explosive finale, that actually we’ve already shot—we shot it last week. So once again, because of our scheduling, we have a finale, hopefully in the can already. And now we just need to catch up with other episodes. It’s very much the story we did set out to tell that season. And similar to our last finale, it really just sets up an amazing season 3 storyline that we’re getting very excited to tell, fingers crossed.

Fantastic. Is there anything else you can tease about the rest of season 2? Fedak: What happens is that when we get to this point in the season, we have episode 8, which is just amazing and fun, and then we just have a lineup of really crazy episodes. Each one that’s coming your way has just more outrageous stuff in it; it just doesn’t stop until we get to the end of the year. So it really is a ramp, starting with this episode, and it just launches into the second half of the season, and it drives right to the finale. It’s almost too much stuff. We’re really looking forward to the audience watching our madness brought to life.

#prodigal son #prodigal son spoilers #tom payne #michael sheen #Catherine Zeta-Jones #martin whitly #malcolm bright #vivian capshaw #Chris Fedak #sam sklaver #interview #whoa

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pink-apollo · 3 years

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I’m curious to see your take on Roach so would you mind if you write some HCs for him? 👉🏻👈🏻

When I tell you I screamed when I saw your ask, I think my neighbors heard me👀 Like I adore your writing and the fact you wanna ask me??🥺 I- Low key shaking right now

I apologize if this isn’t exactly...I suppose what you expected. It was a bit hard to write for him considering we don’t know a whole lot about him.

Besides that, I hope you like them🥺💕

Random Gary Roach Sanderson headcanons

•Knowing that Roach was freshly out selection, he has a tendency to be a bit fidgety. He wants to do his best and for his team to see that he’s trying, which they do. Which is also one of the many reasons soap took him under his wing, besides realizing how much roach was like his unger self when he was picked for the task force

•Isn’t much of a talker. He’ll try to chip in and give ideas which are always brilliant to ghosts and soaps opinion. They honestly wish Roach would talk more considering he’s always on top of things and thinks easier and less complicated

•Gary isn’t really the best when it comes to people he’s interested in. He’s a ball of anxiety toward somebody who he finds beautiful and is just a fumbling mess around them. He doesn’t want to seem skittish to them and would rather try to be the cool, calm, and collected person he is

•He tends to clear his throat a bit or maybe even scratch the back of his neck because of how worried he is of messing up. He just wants you to like him for who he is

•Although he isn’t deprived of touch, being away from his s/o does make him feel lonely and wish that they were snuggled up next to him rather than lay alone where the other side of the bed is empty

•You best bet that roach and ghost are like brothers. Always hanging out with one another, fooling around, and of course teasing soap. The pair are always together and think alike which some find it a bit scary. Not in a bad way, just surprised of how they work together without a word being said

•Looks up to price like father figure and in some ways Soap as well. They’re always looking out for him and he’s just accepted that he’s the “kid” of the group

•Is the one that Skypes his partner almost every night when everybody else has gone to bed. Was once told to “stop acting like a school boy“ when he was heard laughing. Will even write to his partner if he had the time and can’t skype them. No matter how his day is or was, Gary is always one to check and make sure his s/o is doing okay

•Besides soap, Gary is the only one that has ever seen Simon have a bad day and by bad day, I mean total break down where ghost is completely drained. They don’t mention the incident, but they both know that they are there for one another

•Gary may be quiet, but when it comes to something he’s very passionate about he won’t stop talking. If a friend or s/o is interested in what he likes, grab a seat because he will talk your ear off and show you everything he has of said topic. Probably is that person who played d&d and has all the things for it like books, spell cards, small figurines even

#Call of duty #modern warfare #Gary Roach sanderson #Roach

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bloodiedpixie · 3 years

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Thank you @mostlymaudlin for tagging me!!! I really love this idea, basically, you find five bits of yourself that you gave to your writing, also called: writerly ephemera.

It's super interesting reading everybody else's, hopefully, mine is also interesting!!

Of All The Wildflowers, Chapter 2

“Yes…are you?” I ask, lowering my voice so no one can hear.

It’s like I’m trying to hide from the non-existent people I feel listening to me. The hidden eyes. The hypervigilant ears. The ones I’ve spent avoiding since I was 11. Since I saw a picture of Mick Jagger and my eyes went wide. Those non-existent people. Those ears and eyes. The ones that are all too real some days."

OH BOY HOWDY! Okay so I don't live in a very safe place, my house and family are fine but the second I step outside it's this feeling. The non-existent eyes.

I really project a lot into that line because I feel that's what most if not all queer kids have felt, hiding from "someone" even though they aren't there.

WIP (I'm not revealing the title though cause secrecy)

"I’m silent for a moment. “I didn’t think I’d like you at first.”

“Lovely sentiment.”

“Let me finish...I didn’t think I’d like you at first, but I was pleasantly surprised. You made jokes that have made me lose my breath and asked questions that made me confused about life. Even though you’re as dramatic as an actor and annoying to bits sometimes, I wouldn’t trade you for all the spells in the world. I wouldn’t trade those nights for all the magic the world of mages possesses.” I’m starting to get teary-eyed when I move Baz’s face to look at me.

I smile the tears and say, “Thank you Basil. For being my brother, for being my best friend, and for letting me be a part of your life. I’m sorry it’s ending right as the fun began. Just know I love you, and you’ll always be in mind until the day I drop.”

I have a couple close friends who I adore with my whole heart and this is my best way of expressing love for them.

I've written my fair share of sad scenes but my greatest fear is losing them so having a scene where you have to say goodbye to your found family is a part of me I just shoved in there.

Begin your twenties with a...nevermind

"Then it gets deafeningly silent, it’s so quiet. My tail isn’t moving, my wings don’t flutter, and all I can hear in my head is, “Fuck up” over and over and over again.

My chest feels like there’s an elephant on it and my lungs only have the smallest bit of air. My throat feels tight, and everything is incredibly loud.

Suddenly, a sob breaks through my throat and it burns through me like fire. I cough and sob and feel like a baby as my wings on their own wrap around me and my tail curls up my leg.

I shouldn’t need my boyfriend and best friend to fucking babysit me. I should be able to take care of myself and not rely on other people.

I mean fuck, I’m nineteen-

Twenty. I’m twenty now. Merlin, I’m twenty.

I cough out another sob and I keep sobbing until I can’t anymore. Until I’m just coughing and borderline laughing at how pathetic I am now."

~☆Panic Attacks☆~

I have super bad anxiety so panic attacks are my specialty lol

I really put myself into this scene and tried to explain what a panic attack feels like to me and the main part is "deafeningly silent." That's the best I can describe how a panic attack feels, everything gets real loud but there is no noise.

finally, my anxiety came in handy lol

WIP, This Is What It's Like To Be Lovers

Though even though he’s being adorable and a twat, he’s really just a bit lost. He’s never shopped somewhere that has used clothes (unless it’s one of those fancy vintage shops).

I definitely understand that he’s learning when Baz is running his fingers over a maroon jumper with a thick gray stripe going across the front of it and he looks confused by it.

“That’s nice,” I state while scouring the random assortment of tops in front of me.

“It’s five pounds,” he states, sounding a bit sad.

“That’s not much—”

“It’s Ralph Lauren and they’re selling it for five pounds,” he sounds a bit offended.

“Yeah, put it in the trolley we’ll get it.”

“Why would someone buy something so expensive then give it away for five pounds?”

I walk over and grab the jumper off the rack, “Because, the person didn’t wear it anymore and a lot of people don’t have a lot of money, so when they find something like a Ralph Lauren shirt that will last them years for five pounds it’s a good thing.”

Baz’s offended/confused face falls immediately, and he grabs the jumper and puts it back.

I shop almost exclusively at thrift stores and have done that since i was a baby so I know them inside and out. this scene is really close to home because Baz was raised in a wealthy household and Simon was on his own. I've never had a lot of money and have had to explain to people I shop with that the prices are that low for a reason and so I had Baz put it back because he would rather someone who actually needs it finds it.

The Watford Mages, Chapter 2

“I turn my head and look at Baz who is sitting next to me. He fell asleep a few minutes after we got on the bus. His hair dried all fluffy and wavy. I kind of want to touch it, just to see what it feels like. I barely ever see it without product in it.

He looks so calm, with no grimace or sneers on his face. He always looks so bloody perfect. It’s unfair really, the only imperfections are things I caused. His nose is a bit crooked, (I did that) his lip has a gash on it, (did that) and his cheek has a bit of a bruise (did that too).

He looks so soft like this.

Baz takes a big breath in and stretches his arms above his head, arching his back in the process.

I can’t take my eyes off him, he looks so…comfortable?

“Snow?” Baz asks sleepily. His voice is deep and a bit groggy.

That snaps me from my thoughts, I turn my head to look out the window instead, but I can see Baz’s reflection. He looks confused for a second before leaning his head back and closing his eyes again.

I try to focus on the song and the scenery, but my eyes keep tracking back to Baz.”

I’ve been on my fair share of busses and remember always watching the people behind me in the windows. It’s really interesting to see people in reflections because everyone looks backward and I wanted to get that across here. Simon doesn’t ever view Baz as “comfortable” or “calm” so seeing him tuckered out in a reflection is backward to him.

Alrighty!! Imma no pressure tag, @caitybug @foolofabookwyrm @palimpsessed @wetheformidables @trenchcoat-moth @ninemagicks @snowybank @annabellelux @xivz

No pressure though!! 💙

#fanfic #writing #writerly ephemera #tag game #writer

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blogger360ncislarules · 3 years

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Warning: The following contains major spoilers for Zoey’s Extraordinary Playlist. Proceed at your own risk!

Oh, how the tables have turned! Zoey’s Extraordinary Playlist wrapped up its second season on Sunday with a heart song — but this time, it was Zoey doing the singing! And on the receiving end of her musical declaration of love was Max, who could suddenly hear Zoey’s heart song!

Prior to that cliffhanger, Zoey and Simon had split up, and then the titular gal got a dream visit from her dad, who encouraged her to take risks and really live life. So Zoey decided to rush to the airport to stop Max from leaving for New York City with Rose. But when she got there, she heard Max sing “When a Man Loves a Woman” and left without saying a word, assuming the tune was about Rose. However, when Max unexpectedly showed up at the park where Zoey was sitting forlornly, it was obvious the ode was about her.

Max explained that he and Rose broke things off because they could both tell his mind was on someone else. Then as Zoey declared that she was all in, she started to break out in a rousing performance of Modern English’s “I Melt With You,” shocking a bewildered Max.

Below, showrunner Austin Winsberg breaks down the big powers twist and what it means for Max and Zoey’s romantic future. (And for the latest intel on Zoey’s Season 3 odds, keep tabs on our 2021 Renewal Scorecard.)

TVLINE | What excited you about this twist with the powers and what it opens up for a potential Season 3? I’m always trying to think of new ways that we can twist and spin and do new things with the powers. We had talked about this pretty early on in Season 1, the idea of Max getting the powers at some point. Certainly, when you think of superhero origin stories, there seems like there’s always a place in the superhero shows where they find somebody else who also has powers. So we liked the idea of being able to do our own version of that.

But the other thing that we had really established a lot in Season 1, especially in Season 2, as well, was this idea that Max feels like there’s an inequality in their relationship, because Zoey has the ability to hear what’s going on in his heart, in his brain, and he doesn’t get to do the same with her. I think in any relationship in life, there needs to be some degree of equality in order for the relationship to work. So just in terms of thinking how could Zoey and Max work long-term, for me, it was important for Max to have an understanding of what it’s like for Zoey to experience heart songs. And I also like the idea that Max could know what’s going on in Zoey’s head as well. And certainly, from a romantic comedy perspective, to be able to play stories where these two people are in a relationship, but they also know exactly what the other person is thinking about, felt like ripe ground for storylines.

TVLINE | To clarify, both Max and Zoey have powers at the end of the finale? Or is it that the powers have transferred from Zoey over to Max? I don’t want to clarify that entirely yet.

TVLINE | Zoey is sometimes a guarded person. So how will this impact her, and how will she feel about Max having all this insight into her? That’s all stuff to explore in Season 3. But I certainly think that it opens up a whole new area of stories to tell, stories about him experiencing heart songs, stories about her having to help him with heart songs, stories about him hearing her heart songs and what that means for their relationship. It just adds new interesting layers of complexity and complication.

TVLINE | Zoey’s heart song was so exuberant, so joyous and free. Were there other songs that were in consideration for that moment, or was it always “I Melt With You”? For some reason, that was the song I kept going back to. Obviously, there are a lot of love songs out there. We might have danced around a few others. But it just always felt right to me. It felt right for Jane [Levy’s] voice. I liked the idea that the first song we ever heard in the pilot was “It’s the End of the World as We Know It,” and this song [goes], “l’ll stop the world and melt with you.” I thought there was some nice bookend world specificity to both of those. I liked that she said, “Making love to you was never second best,” after the whole Zoey/Simon/Max of it all. There was just something about it that felt very right to me, so I stuck to that one pretty quickly.

TVLINE | Speaking of the whole Zoey/Simon/Max of it all, talk to me about Zoey’s choices with regards to Simon and Max in this episode. What went into the thinking behind those decisions? When I mapped out the arc of the season, from the very beginning, I wanted to make sure that Zoey wasn’t indecisive and vacillating between both guys and not making moves in either direction. So I really felt like what was going to frustrate audiences with this idea of Zoey not picking either one. And so we made a conscious choice that I thought was a bold choice for her to choose Max at the end of Episode 1, and for them to at least try to do that and sort of realize pretty quickly that it’s still too early in her grief for her to really be ready for a relationship.

I did feel like because of the dynamic that had been created between Zoey and Simon, and the chemistry between them, I felt like that Zoey really needed to play that out in some way. And we found as we were breaking Episodes 9, 10 and 11, and dealing with the relationship stuff between Zoey and Simon, that there was a fundamental thing that she was keeping from him, which is telling him about the powers. I think that she was afraid to really open up to him that way and afraid of what that might mean, especially since their entire way that they met in the pilot was predicated on a little bit of deception in some way. I think she just didn’t feel like she could be open with him or wanted to be open with him in that way, and then the power kept getting in the way of things between them. It just felt like they were both trying really hard to make it work. So I liked the idea of exploring something where the fantasy of it or the expectation of it is maybe not as rewarding or fulfilling for either of them when they’re actually in it. It was always leading to this place, for me, that Zoey and Simon were going to break up at the end of the season, and then to see how it played out with her and Max.

It was just important to me to not make Simon feel like the victim in it, to not hurt Simon. That’s why I wanted him to be the one to say, “I think we should break up,” and then to also give Simon his own victories in the episode [as the boss of SPRQ Point’s new minority-run acquisition], because we’ve seen Simon at his depths of despair in Season 1, and I didn’t want to end in that way. I wanted to end him in a more positive, forward-facing place and feeling like he’s excited about the future.

TVLINE | Between the breakup with Simon and Zoey, and Zoey’s declaration to Max at the end, is it safe to say the love triangle is officially concluded, and moving forward, it’s about Zoey and Max giving it a real try? Certainly, my intentions going forward are that she and Max are going to try to make it work in a real way. And I don’t have intentions to uproot that or implode that, but it’s also TV storytelling. You have to create complications and challenges in relationships. Otherwise, if there’s no conflict, you don’t have a show. But certainly, my intention moving forward is to approach Zoey and Max dating and being together in a meaningful way, for them to try to work out their differences and their challenges together.

TVLINE | It seemed like a very deliberate and mature choice to have Zoey come to the airport and not stand in the way of Max and Rose. But then it ends up being on Max to make the first move. So how did you come to the conclusion that that’s the way the chain of events needed to go? In the spirit of not wanting to pit women against women or men against men, and what that would actually look like if you approached someone outside of the airport and said, “Pick me over her,” it’s pretty dramatic. I also felt like there was a delightful mislead that she hears him sing “When a Man Loves a Woman,” and she thinks that’s about Rose, and fundamentally, Max’s happiness is what’s more important to Zoey, and she doesn’t want to take that away from him. And so even though the reveal at the end is that he was actually singing that song about Zoey, I think that Zoey and Max have always had the other person’s best interest in mind, as evidenced when he gave up the job for her in the last episode. So I think for her, that was that wakeup call moment, where his happiness was more important to her than maybe her own loss in that moment.

TVLINE | You set up a really wonderful romance for Mo this season. Is there anything you can hint about what we could expect in a Season 3, if that goes forward? Part of the design of the season was to wrap up certain chapters in these characters’ lives or at least put some conclusion on it, but also set the path forward for everybody. And for me, I’m really excited about Mo and Perry. I think David St. Louis has been a great addition to the cast as Perry. I’m really excited to see what it looks like for Mo to be in a real adult relationship, but also to be in a complicated adult relationship with kids and an ex-husband, and the prospect of a character who is kind of an independent, free character getting brought into a domestic life, and maybe getting a little bit more than he bargained for, kind of insta-family. There’s a lot of opportunity for comedy and drama within that.

And I’m really excited for the next chapter for Maggie, too, and this idea of Maggie, potentially, slowly dipping her toes back into the dating world… The idea of Maggie and Deb as partners in crime, and Maggie exploring the idea of how a woman of a certain age, what it actually looks like for her to try to go back into the dating world in a meaningful way, I think there are a lot of stories we can derive from that.

#zoey's extraordinary playlist

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sepublic · 4 years

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Musical Car!

What’s interesting is that the musical has a sign advertising Jesse’s name; Did he stop by the Musical Car at some point and inspire the denizens there with a speech about empathy, and how differences are okay? We know that had to have taken place prior to him, Lake, and Alan Dracula entering the Carnival Car, meeting The Cat, etc. Either way, I’m not at all surprised that someone as open and friendly as him would say such things, especially with an unconventional friend like Lake; And obviously he stuck by his words in the end, didn’t he?

Lemme tell you though… I was legit disturbed by that raid, as well as seeing those poor denizens get legitimately hurt and injured for no reason at all, and that ONE decapitated dude almost getting wheeled, only to be converted into Simon’s thing; Like, screw you Apex. That’s what makes Simon and Grace interesting; I’ve always imagined the concept of more problematic protagonists for this series, so it’s not much of a surprise to see Book 3 dive into this! Given how much more, well… WORSE Simon and Grace are, pehaps it’s not all-too surprise that their arc was confined to HBO Max, given the even more mature tone set by them and their actions!

Honestly, those two rapidly switch and range from terrible, nasty jerks I want to punch, to misfits with banter and chemistry, and plenty of comradery; Especially for people they DO care about! It really drives the point home that not every bad person is PURE evil, like they don’t spend every waking moment plotting how terrible they can be, and most don’t even consider themselves as bad! It’s disconcerting, but a good look into their mindset; With Grace genuinely trying to be nice and caring to the kids and not hurting their feelings, but also repeating Amelia’s lies about the train denizens being there for the passengers’ benefit, and… More on that later.

Also- Glad to see Grace make fun of Simon’s fashion sense and acknowledge it, but at the same time… Either he was ten when he began to wear socks with sandals, AND/OR he was ten when he first met Grace; Presumably on the Infinity Train, although the idea of two individuals knowing one another PRIOR to boarding it is also fascinating! Especially given how Book 2 discussed the idea of fate and pre-determination in one’s paths and all…

It’s interesting to see that not all Apex kids are against the denizens, like some DO want to make friends with them (albeit in a very invasive manner), but Grace and Simon just shut them down. I have to wonder if they themselves also had a similar moment with Amelia, only to be brutally shut down; And Amelia is objectively worse than those two considering how much higher her number is, and how SHE was the one who started this dumb ideology in the first place (instead of just being taught it at a vulnerable moment in her life like everybody else)!

What’s worth noting is that Simon has a device that can detect the presence of other passengers, which is both VERY cool and VERY useful; I have to wonder if it’ll detect Hazel in the Jungle Car however. Given the speculation of her being a train denizen, it’d serve as neat, subtle foreshadowing as to her true nature, and I can see the show touching upon this! Also, the aesthetics of that device reminds me of what The Cat would own; Given how she’ll make a return this Book and has had a run-in with at least Grace in the past, I can easily see it being something she’d own. She IS a collector of useful things, after all… And I have to wonder if maybe The Cat was even a companion of Simon or Grace; Or maybe even Amelia! Perhaps the Passenger-Detector was a ‘gift’ from Amelia…

(I mean, they HAVE to bring her back in Book 3, given how her ideology and actions are a direct consequence of everything that happens, and would fit nicely into her eventual redemption arc. Not to mention it’d give a fascinating insight as to what was going on in her mind when she indoctrinated the Apex.)

Neat detail seeing the Unfinished Car with those corgi diplomats, and nice joke with that one turtle talking to what’s later revealed to be a phone with a line that’s already cut anyway! Grace breaking her Harpoon Pack makes sense; She wasn’t seen with one in the trailer and posters, and I guess it’d help ‘balance’ things if only one protagonist had a Harpoon Pack; So they can’t just skip over cars on their way back!

Speaking of a way back; We have a set number of cars leading back to the Mall Car, so in other words we have a way of keeping track of the journey’s progress! It IS worth noting that the cars could always rearrange… It’s interesting to learn that cars apparently don’t move when passengers are inside; I always assumed that sometimes they might’ve and a passenger wouldn’t notice because all the cars look identical from the outside, and also being inside a pocket-dimension kind of skews around with the sensation of what’s going on outside. It’s possible that Simon and Grace actually felt the movement because of the Unfinished Car’s unusual nature…

Regardless, after that disturbing opening scene it makes sense that One-One is stepping in! Given how he values the passengers more than the denizens (as seen with his second and final interaction with Lake), it makes me wonder how much he actually CARES; Or if he can’t afford to have people ‘breaking equipment’, and/or is mostly doing this to lean the Apex towards becoming better people by confronting them over their actions! At this point, they may end up pushing One-One too much and he’ll have to send in his Steward…

Getting onto some existential crisis, the cruel thing about Simon and Grace saying that the denizens are made for them is… They’re actually kind of right? NOT that this justifies at all their wanton, senseless cruelty towards the train denizens… But it ties back to Lake’s existential crisis in Book 2, the realization and likelihood that she (and maybe even the Mirror World) was made purely for the character development of people like Tulip and Jesse! One-One himself outright says in the Book 2 Finale that, YEAH; Train Denizens are supposed to stay on the train because their entire purpose, their entire means of creation was just to fulfill what the passengers need!

…Obviously, using them for raids ISN’T what One-One (and/or whoever made the Infinity Train/the Infinity Train itself) intended… But the disturbing realization still stands that the denizens’ purpose and creation in life is for the betterment of passengers, to accompany them, aid them… In the past, I’ve speculated how some Cars and their inhabitants don’t seem to have much of a personality beyond being a basic caricature to fulfill the ‘theme’ of a car, as well as aiding in passengers’ journeys! And obviously they’re all PEOPLE, but again this ties back into just how real the pasts and worlds of denizens were, as discussed by Mace; The idea that entire histories and cultures have been fabricated, and pre-programmed into the memories of denizens.

Needless to say, it’s very disturbing… And if Simon and Grace ever change their stance on denizens and even start vouching for them, it’d be a brilliant reversal of their beginning attitudes to have them call out One-One for making sapient people for the sole purpose of serving others; Which could be a dilemma for him given how HE may have been made for the purpose of others! Given how Amelia taught the Apex her ideals, and she was Conductor for a time and thus had rather intimate knowledge of the Infinity Train… perhaps what she says about the denizens being just ‘toys’, made for the passengers, isn’t too far a stretch from the truth; Obviously a dark, twisted, and selfish distortion. But it’s emblematic, reflecting a deeper, underlying issue that could lie with the Infinity Train itself.

(Especially since Owen Dennis said that One-One and the Infinity Train can be wrong…)

Given how Amelia made cars with denizens that only ‘turned on’ once a car was considered ‘complete’ (or close to it), it suggests that she knows all about the artificial, pre-programmed nature of denizens because she’s made a few ones; Which when coupled with how she probably tried to make a Fake Alrick, and ultimately realized that a replica would never be the same… Eerily, it lends to the idea that part of what made Amelia realize this at the end of Book 1, was her mindset that denizens are just follow, fake copies of pre-existing things and aren’t even real to begin with.

THAT is a cruel twist; That the very ideas that founded the Apex and caused our issues in Book 3, were low-key what helped Amelia wake up from her fantasy and realize that she needed to confront her issues! Given how high her number is, it only makes sense that while she’s making progress, she STILL has some more fundamental problems to tackle; Specifically the idea that while denizens aren’t the same or ‘real’ as the original, they’re still people and whatnot!

All in all, a VERY fascinating watch! Just eleven minutes, but I’m hooked in; Sure this does tie a lot back to previously-established concepts, but what story-driven show doesn’t? It really recontextualizes and makes you think back about what WAS discussed already and how it changes with the more we learn and explore!

#infinity train #infinity train book 3 #infinity train cult of the conductor #infinity train season 3 #infinity train spoilers #infinity train season 3 spoilers #infinity train grace #infinity train simon #infinity train amelia #analysis #spoilers #it spoilers

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blackfemmecharacterdependency · 4 years

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BFCD Reviews by Nesha: Grace Monroe & The Infinity Train on HBO Max

Disclaimer: Post includes spoilers and also, this viewer does not deem Infinity Train as a children's show and my views are not subjected to the idea that this is a children's show, but I do regard the characters as children.

I’m not a psychiatrist. I haven’t taken a psychology class in many years. My work with children has been primarily trauma centered children, and I haven’t worked with typical children for a decade, so most of my opinions are from my personal life experience, my work experience, my children’s rights advocacy and activism, and the guidelines from my childcare specialist work for children in the system in the state of Texas. I don’t have a lot of information these days on typical children and I don’t know the culture of children all over the country or world, but I basically know a little something about traumatized children.

And as always, be nice, because I can be mean too (and will). 😉

Special thanks to @i-am-a-passenger for listening to me and being a SOUND sounding board for my thoughts through this experience that was season 3 of Infinity Train.

To be honest, I thought that it was extremely brave of the creators to go the route that they did with the story line. Not everybody can be saved is a take that we don’t see nearly enough, and whenever we do, usually a POC, oftentimes a Black girl is on the losing end of the tale. That didn’t happen here and despite some problems with some of the way that things played out in front of us, it was STILL a monumental moment for many fans and Grace’s redemption arc was valid and reasonable, so I loved it and I live for it. Now, I’m gonna give my review of the season and what I noticed about the characters...

First off, I think that the writing of this season was phenomenal. The style of the way the story was told impressed me from start to finish. There were moments that I didn’t expect, but I understood from a writing standpoint and for the characters presented. I’m not a professional writer, but it’s been a passion since I was 7 years old, so I have some experience with passion for writing and stories and a great narrative is my WEAKNESS, and I do believe that Infinity Train provides great narratives.

This season has been my favorite thus far. I would have appreciated it for the story content, even if they had switched the characters’ arcs or went in a different direction with the redemption arc, but the fact that I was able to see an example of a Black girl being able to BE HUMAN, at my age - 38 - is still such new content that I was honestly overwhelmed by the simple fact that the creators decided that this Black girl was worthy of not only redemption, but the attention to detail and consideration was enough for me to love this season.

The girl in question: 18 year old Grace Monroe, whose been on this train for something like 7 years.

It’s rare to see a dark skinned, brown skinned, Black girl with natural hair be shown in anything but stereotypes and/or plot devices for other characters. This character has a story of her own. A beautifully written and fully realized story of a child who got confused, made bad decisions, did terrible things, learned the truth, and sought to change.

Whenever we first meet Grace and Simon, she’s announced as the leader of the Apex, and Simon is announced as her second in command and given the credentials from her, “I trust him with my life.” Something that is later a bittersweet thought as he becomes the biggest threat of her life since she got onto this train. They’re clearly very close and only seem to disagree on how they respond to negativity.

One of my favorite things about Grace was that she was given layers. One of my LEAST favorite things about Grace was that she was given unfair head canons by the fandom extremely early on (all of which nobody ever proved but remained diligently devoted to believing).

In this season, when the two are taken out of their comfort zone and traveling with outsiders, Grace and Simon are faced with lives that they haven’t thought about previously and wind up choosing very separate paths. Honestly, these paths they went on made perfect sense to me. I see both of them as traumatized children without any guidance and while one of them is very careless and reckless (Grace), the other is deliberate about what he does and has goals and plans.

The biggest influence, I think, was their interactions with denizens prior to forming the Apex. Grace admittedly never got to know any while Simon was betrayed by one whenever she left him behind to potentially die. Simon carried this rage inside of him while Grace had nothing but apathy to guide her attitude of the denizens. Grace needed attention and she was able to get that from Simon and the Apex, so she made a life built on what that gave her.

While Grace tends to seem to try to sweeten the issue or charm people. Simon is more short with others and a bit rude. They handle things much differently, though they have created a lifestyle together and formatted a society of children that they lead.

All too frequently, if a character looks like Grace, she is there as fodder for whoever her (usually white) counterparts are. But Grace has a unique situation in which she shares center stage with her white male counterpart and we watch them develop together from two peas in a pod to mortal enemies. It is a sad separation, but one that felt necessary for the direction of the story. But here’s why Grace matters so much, despite the fact that she and Simon built a child army and killed we don’t even know how many denizens:

Grace changed for the better. When both of them met and got to know a denizen, she began to change. She didn’t understand it at first and took some time to admit to herself that she was even changing. She thought that something was wrong with her because her number was going down and that wasn’t supposed to be how it was. What she thought was that it made her look weak and she didn’t want Simon or the Apex to see her that way.

And saying that Grace changed for the better is sort of shaky, too. Because Grace wasn’t a bad person to begin with. She was a child who got on the wrong track. Going from being extremely alone to having one friend to having hundreds or however many Apex kids of followers changed her for the worse, but she was a good kid at her core. She was lonely in the real world and she acted out, then wound up on this train, had a life changing event by having to see “The Conductor” and translate what happened to her as someone saving her, and she went on to help save others, or so she thought, to some degree.

Whenever she saved Simon, she had literally no reason to, other than she saw a kid in trouble and she knew she could help.She had just as little life skills and social skills as this kid in front of her, but... he was crying and she reached out to try to make him feel better, reminding him that even though life on the train was hard, he was alright now. Then, another life changing thing happened - Simon noticed that her number was higher and asked her how she got it so high. She knew just as much as him, and said that she was really good at life on the train, and the way she took that ghom out - she wasn’t completely wrong, but them being children and having only time and their limited views started a cult.

What I found interesting about this memory was the fact that Simon was telling Grace’s story for her. She tagged her charm onto it, but Simon (the writer of their laws and apparently a trilogy that not even Grace, who likes to read things wanted to read while they were besties) is telling the story to the kids. Probably embellishing, and Grace loves to be noticed, so she keeps this up until they’ve formatted an entire belief system. It was basically just I presumed whenever I questioned the reputation this fandom gave Grace as a manipulator who filled Simon’s head with hatred for denizens and Apex theology.It confirmed that people were wrong about her, which unfortunately didn’t make them change their minds, but they ain’t gotta. Grace lived and Simon died and that’s how this turns out sometimes.

I was able to at least acknowledge that his death was atrocious and it’s very unfortunate that he didn’t change for the better. He wanted control. He wanted power. He wanted to reign. Those things were more important to him than believing anything that went against his ideals. They were more important than Grace and his relationship with her. Meanwhile, Grace, up until even after he was gone cared about him. She defended herself whenever he attacked her, but she tried not to hurt him. She even tried to talk to him and he once again refused to listen. She saved his life AGAIN, and he still tried to kill her. Despite it all, when he was gone, she cried. Her friend was gone. Another life had been taken, and life meant something else to her now.

Even paper birds mattered now, and thanks to that difference inside of her, she didn’t die. But, I expected her to. Not even because it would’ve made sense or helped the story in any way, but because that’s how it usually goes for characters like her, characters who LOOK like her. The fact that it didn’t brought tears to my eyes. This season was amazing. This ending was amazing. This character was amazing. I’m so pleased with it and it was more than I expected, because instead of setting expectations, I let them tell me the story. They did an excellent job.

I've been asking people since she first appeared in season 2 why they thought that Simon was some helpless and she was this dominating figure that bossed him into this lifestyle and mostly it came back to her higher number. i didn't think we were being shown that, so I've been suspicious every time someone has suggested that Grace got Simon started in this or taught him this and now that it's been debunked, I'm even more irritated with the suggestion that her redemption doesn't make sense or wasn't right.

The thing about Simon was that he seemed fine. He seemed innocent, at times. He seemed like someone to sympathize with... What a lot of his fan base doesn't seem to realize is that is the case with every abuser. That is the case with many killers. Bad backgrounds and hard times coming up don't make for an excuse. Just because I GET his personality, doesn't mean he deserves respect or consideration. But then, we have Grace, on this other end who can't even get the recognition she earned through her decision making when she literally had the same childhood as him whenever they got there. Idk. Shit feels suspicious to me to not acknowledge Grace's redemption as well written. And the idea that Simon was doing these things for or because of Grace was proven as untrue, so there should have been a shift in her favor and there wasn't and my god that's some top shelf bullshit to me...

People frequently speak of Grace's manipulating Simon, possibly because they haven't had to try to use what you have to smooth someone over. The fact that Grace has been consoling Simon since they were children (THEY WERE CHILDREN), Because I see "Simon is a child" everyday, and always speak of his trauma, like Grace had none and like she's not the same age or near it. But, that's another thing that gets done to Black girls - they're aged up in people's prejudiced minds and expected to be more accountable than their peers. This GIRL has been repeatedly blamed for the issues of her friend.

And her "betrayal?" A lie she told to preserve life.

Simon proceeds to use her tape against her, leave her trapped inside of it (knowing it was dangerous, because the cat told him), sow lies about her in the Apex, pressure children that she knew to kill her, literally tried to beat her up and murder her, and kicks her as hard as he can after she saved his life AGAIN... He still gets more grace than Grace from the audience. I don't think people see Grace's humanity. People even assumed that her number was higher because she killed so many denizens... Like literally every wrong move doesn't affect numbers. And when faced with the story, which gives us a vulnerable Grace with flaws but also compassion, she's still been sidelined by fans of the show and nobody has given me any good reason as to why, so you already know, like we been knew. 😒

People have even tried to downgrade Simon's toxicity towards her because she led the Apex (and these people pretty much had similar things to say as people who didn't believe that my ex sexually abused me because of some examples of me being strong while arguing with him)...

THIS was triggering as fuck, but I've barely seen a PEEP about it. I'm going to presume that problematic takes of Grace are from a place of discrimination and dehumanization against another Black girl character like fandoms usually do.

But that just makes her matter more.

Good job, Grace. I knew there was good in you all along, and I didn't have to make up anything about you in my brain. ♥️♥️♥️

*Grace mourning a man that just tried to destroy her multiple times for telling a lie to keep him from killing a small child...

SPEAKING OF... The man double kicked her off that damn train in front of the kids AFTER they all saw her rescue him. Them kids might be messed up because of the Apex, but you can't tell me that Simon ain't further fuck them up with his reign. At least we know Grace was always nice to them. I'm glad they'll have each other to figure it all out.

#BFCD Reviews by Nesha #Infinity Train #Nesha Watches Infinity Train #Grace Monroe #Nesha Watches

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doomedandstoned · 3 years

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Spelljammer Reveal Trippy New Vid, Talk ‘Abyssal Trip’

~Doomed & Stoned Debuts~

Interview by Billy Goate

Cover Art by Aaron Cahill

Our week of big interviews continues as we meet up with the ethereal doom outfit from Stockholm SPELLJAMMER and premiere a new music video, from their just released second LP, dropped only weeks ago on RidingEasy Records and now the number one album on the Doom Charts.

'Abyssal Trip' (2021) is an enthralling listen from edge to center, with lavish textures, deep thematic content, and unforgettably emotive atmosphere that will stick with you for life. Enjoy it as you read the revealing conversation with Niklas Olsson (guitar, vox) and Robert Sörling (guitar) that follows as we unpack their steller new spin, talk nerdy gear shit, and contemplate humanity's fate.

And now, Doomed & Stoned is pleased to bring you the world premiere of the brand new video for that epic third track, "Among The Holy."

Give ear...

Spelljammer - Among The Holy (music video)

You guys have been a band now for damn near 15 years, maybe longer. Most bands don't make it past two years! What is the "key" to the band staying together for so long and continuing to find inspiration for creating new music?

Rob: I don’t think it’s been 15 years just yet but we are getting there, haha. None the less - that’s a really interesting question! Nik and I started the band much because we share the same taste in music, film and, well, art in general. I think that's the core keeping it all together. Also, there have been a few constellations of band members over the years, all with their own dynamic. I think these kinds of changes, and the new directions of the music because of that, is part of the inspiration. Maybe another reason is that we all live in different cities and because of that sometimes a lot of time passes between rehearsals, writing sessions and such, making us always craving for new Spelljammer jams and songs.

Nik: The craving yes. And another reason I think is the fact that we’ve never really been in a rush to get anywhere. Anything Spelljammer, the music included, takes time. If we had been set on making it, this thing probably would have fallen apart a long time ago.

Abyssal Trip by Spelljammer

How did the theme for Abyssal Trip originate?

Nik: I have always been more drawn to the feelings or emotions you get from a riff or piece of music than to any theme of a lyric. But I would say that any themes came in at the lyrics state, which is at the end of the process. But the themes aren’t that specific to any of the albums. I think I cast a pretty wide net in the beginning and stuck to it. For the next album perhaps we will venture more into unchartered waters. We’ll see.

What fascinates you about the Great Abyss of the ocean?

Nik: I totally get that the word abyss conjures up images of ocean trenches and, yes, the ocean is a fascinating and to a large extent undiscovered place. However, when I wrote that I wasn’t necessarily thinking of the ocean but more the abyss of our own minds. But I think it’s a word that evokes many things, like despair and doom, and it is of course totally open to interpretation.

Is mankind doomed or do we have time to correct our course?

Nik: I’m not as pessimistic of a person as the lyrics may suggest. I think we will be here on earth for a long time. Mankind is clever (perhaps too clever for her own good) even if there are a lot of people hell-bent on trying to screw up everything for everybody else.

Rob: Yes, and considering how ignorant and careless (some) people are acting during this pandemic, at least over here, makes you wonder if there’s any hope at all.

Nik: People are the worst. Ultimately, though, none of it matters because we’re all doomed.

Have you guys seen any good movies/documentaries or read any good books lately that inspired you or otherwise challenged your thinking about life, the present, or the future?

Rob: I can’t say that I’ve seen or read anything recently that challenged me significantly, I guess I’m getting too old to be that overwhelmed haha. The film A Ghost Story though was kind of cool though because it was different, slow and weird (in a good way), and for me it’s always inspiring to read/see/hear something that makes you think, "Man, I wish I had come up with that idea”.

Nik: Absolutely! Punch Drunk Love, Moon, and Office Space are definitely movies like that. I have watched so many movies and series through this pandemic and I can’t remember any of them right now. But I did just notice that there is a season 3 of Loudermilk on HBO! If you haven’t already, see it! I’m currently reading "Homeward Bound, The Life of Paul Simon” by Peter Ames Carlin. It’s a good read about one of my favorite musicians.

For recording this album, what kind of gear did you use and what production/engineering considerations did you have to take into account?

Rob: Since we did a remote recording in the countryside we had to use whatever stuff that we could fit into a couple of cars. I have a couple of old audio interfaces that I linked for a total of 16 channels. I also have a small collection of mics (nothing fancy) and we used them all and the rest was borrowed. We set up the drums in the living room and put the guitar and bass rigs as far away as we could (the adjacent rooms) to avoid bleed and just focused on getting the rhythm tracks done. The goal was to get us all in the same room and to catch the vibe from a relaxed rehearsal kind of situation. The bass rig used was a Orange Terror Bass and an Ampeg SVT 810 and the guitar was tracked through a Reval Mark I and/or Orange TH-100 and a Orange PPC 412. Of course there’s always some unforeseen problem lurking and this time it was the electricity in the old country house.

Nik: I don’t use many effects, just a fuzz. For this one I used a Supercollider from Earthbound Audio. It is exactly what the name suggests. That’s all you need really.

The album cover is amazing! It reminds me, in some strange way, of the creature in the old B-movie Robot Monster (1953). What's the story behind the artwork?

Nik: It definitely has a B-movie vibe that I really like. I’m afraid I can’t really tell you much about it other than the artist name is Aaron Cahill and you can find his stuff on Instagram under the name nghbrs.

I filmed your first US appearance at Psycho Las Vegas in 2016. Fans want to know: do you have ambitions of returning to North America once the world sorts out this pandemic?

Rob: Yes, that’s our first and only US appearance so far and we wouldn’t mind at all returning to Vegas or any other part of the US. For now it’s really hard making any plans at all. In fact, you would think that this kind of isolation would enhance creativity, and maybe for some it does, but for us it’s actually been the most unproductive period so far for Spelljammer. So I’m hoping that by the time this thing blows over we get the inspiration back both for writing/recording new music, and in time hopefully revisiting the US!

Nik: I agree, playing at Psycho Las Vegas was a blast. I hope we get another opportunity to come back some day.

Spelljammer at Psycho Las Vegas/a>

Some Buzz

“The vastness of everything is something that I think about a lot,” says Spelljammer bassist/vocalist Niklas Olsson. And it certainly shows in both the expansive, sludgy sounds and contemplative lyrics of the Stockholm, Sweden based trio. Following a 5-year break between their previous album, Ancient of Days — perhaps fittingly spent pondering said vastness — Spelljammer is back with an album that perfectly bridges the band’s earlier desert rock leanings and their later massive, slow-burning riffs.

'Abyssal Trip' (note: carefully reread that album title) takes its moniker from the perpetually dark, cold, oxygen-free zone at the bottom of the ocean. The 6-song, 44-minute album fittingly embodies that bleak realm with rumbling, oozing guitars intercut with dramatic melodic interludes. The songs take their time to unfurl, making them even more hypnotic. Likewise, the lyrics take a poetic approach to establishing the sonic scenery.

“The lyrical themes we address, like the ultimate doom of man, and the search and longing for new and better worlds, are still there,” Olsson says. “The concept of something undiscovered out there in vast emptiness is pretty much always present.”

The recording process for Abyssal Trip differs from previous releases in that the band — guitarist Robert Sörling, drummer Jonatan Rimsbo and Olsson — opted to capture the performances while holed up in the mental bathysphere of a house in the countryside near Stockholm. “The songs benefitted from the relaxed environment of being away from everything,” Olsson explains. Indeed, the album sounds confident and meticulously arranged, afforded by the band’s isolation. Sörling mixed the album and it was mastered by Monolord drummer Esben Willems at Berserk Audio.

Album opener “Bellwether” begins dramatically with a very slow, nearly minute-long fade in of rumbling distortion setting the stage for heavily distorted bass and guitar plucking out the lugubrious riff for another minute and a half before the drums begin, and likewise equally as long before vocals gurgle to the surface. “Lake” abruptly shifts gears, opening with an unusually fast gallop before rupturing into thundering doom that soon drops into a clean-tone Middle Eastern melodic breakdown.

The title track serves as the album centerpiece, opening with ominous film dialogue about blood sacrifice that launches into pummeling, detuned guitars rumbling over gut-punching drums and howling vocals hearkening to the proto-sludge of Pink Floyd’s “The Nile Song.” The dynamic relents briefly for a slow building clean guitar melody before all instruments lock into a jerking riff topped off by a trilling Iommi style lead. Throughout, Abyssal Trip is, just like its title suggests, an epic tour through desolate zones which yields much to discover.

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#D&S Debuts #D&S Interviews #Spelljammer #Stockholm #Sweden #doom #metal #doom metal #music video #HeavyBest2021 #RidingEasy Records #Doomed and Stoned

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palimpsessed · 4 years

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The Welsh Red Dragon, Kurt Vonnegut, and Social Activism

The inspiration behind Shepard’s pins

(original post with full artwork here.)

So, I spent A LOT of time thinking about the kind of pins our good friend Shepard (from Omaha, NE) would have on his denim jacket. Like a lot. Like an obsessive amount of time. I made a list, which seemed appropriate for this fandom. And because I’m a nerd and this sort of thing really interests me, and I’m proud of what I came up with, and because I think some of these items open up the possibility for some good, good literary analysis, I decided to make a whole post dedicated to Shepard’s pins. You’re welcome.

First, a little bit about my thought process. How did I decide what kind of pins to give Shepard? Well, he’s a guy full of stories. Stories that he can’t wait to tell anyone and everyone. And stories that others (mostly Maybes) have told him, once he’s earned their confidence. So, I wanted his pins to tell a story, his story in particular. What is the story that Shepard wants to tell about himself? More precisely, what is the story he wants to tell his new magickal friends on a disastrous summer holiday? The story is that of his own magickal credibility. His journey to magic (his come to Crowley moment, perhaps?) (I’d apologize, but I’m not sorry…) and his trustworthiness as evidenced by all of the Maybes he’s met along the way. He’s gotten drunk off dandelion wine with a creek dryad, given a toothbrush to a Sasquatch. spilled the tea with a jackalope, midwifed a centaur foal. Shep’s journey is just as impressive as Simon’s, and while Simon has been collecting notches on his dead dark creature bedpost (that’s a weird fucking metaphor…) (and now I’m thinking about dark creatures and Simon’s bedposts…so, you’re welcome, Basilton), Shep’s been collecting notches of the friendly variety. (Shoutout to @adamarks who did some super lovely analysis on Simon and Shep as mirrors here: https://adamarks.tumblr.com/post/188046272067/ok-so-when-shepard-said-he-was-cursed-the-first). So, I decided that I wanted to use Shep’s pins as a way to show the notches on his bedpost, so to speak. (Okay, I’m really losing this metaphor, but I think you’re still with me.)

Let’s dive in!

(I’m working my way down one side of his jacket at a time, for those following along at home.)

RIGHT SIDE

Welsh Dragon: I made this one very large, and easy to spot on his right shoulder. Of all of his accoutrements, this one felt like the most important. Mainly, because of Simon. Simon is, after all, half-Welsh. (The Mage, may he rest in pain, came to Watford from Wales.) And, of course, Simon, just like the Welsh Dragon, is a red dragon. (Or in the process of becoming one? Or a half-dragon? Or a dragon kitten?…) And the dragon that Simon and Baz fought on the Watford lawn, when they first worked together, and first shared magic, was a red dragon. Of course, the actual dragon in question here is Margaret. Shepard would absolutely have a pin to commemorate his friendship with her. And since I was going to give him a pin with a dragon, I knew I was going to have to use the Welsh Dragon because it would perfectly capture his burgeoning friendship with Simon, as well. Now, I want to go on a slight detour here (this blog post will be its own Odyssey) and talk more about the Welsh Red Dragon. I took the design for the pin from the Welsh flag, which is the thing that first made me think more about Simon’s Welsh connection. I’m not really making a point here, I just think it’s fascinating! There’s a lot of Welsh lore about the Red Dragon (and Margaret herself calls Simon “Great Red” - that ‘R’ is capitalized, by the way, so this seems to be a proper name for the kind of dragon that she thinks Simon is). Full disclosure, I am not Welsh and I am not a scholar on any of this by any means. That being said, a cursory, and super academic, perusal of the Wikipedia article on the Welsh Dragon led me to a few different history websites that linked the symbol of the red dragon with Merlin and King Arthur (son of Uther Pendragon, literally dragon head). Merlin, one of the most well-known magical figures and Arthur, one of the most well-known Chosen One figures in literary tradition. I know very little about Arthurian legend, and Welsh history, and dragon lore, though, so I’m going to just say, do a little research on your own when you’re bored and feeling nerdy!

Resist!: Shep is a young black man (and reasonable human being) living in the U.S. during the [redacted] Administration. I should hope this one is self-explanatory.

Hoover Dam: At some point in his visits to see Blue, I’m sure Shepard stopped off at the gift shop and bought himself a souvenir pin to mark the incredible experience he had making friends with an actual river. (This pin design is based on an actual souvenir pin of the Hoover Dam I found on Google Images—along with most of the other pin designs. I think it’s vintage, which just felt even more like Shepard to me, because he’s the kind of guy who would appreciate stuff that’s got a past.)

Deathly Hallows: I mean, IF the Harry Potter books/movies exist in the Simon Snow universe (which hasn’t been confirmed, as far as I know, by our Queen) I’m sure Shepard would have been totally into it as a kid, and probably would have found greater significance in its magical lore once he discovered that ACTUAL MAGIC EXISTS! So, he would have a pin to show his belief in the magickal world, and maybe also as a nostalgic reminder of when magic was still just something fictional he could turn to for escapism (and not something that would result in being cursed by a demon…).

The Truth is Out There: So, I know virtually nothing about The X-Files (my sister was obsessed with it to the point that she wanted to become a FBI agent for a few years, but I never watched it), but I’m sure Shepard is a fan. If nothing else, the sentiment is awfully apropos.

So It Goes: This one is very hard to see. It sort of looks like a black teardrop with a bar on top of it (it’s supposed to look like a bomb). The pin I based this off of reads “So It Goes”, which from my very superficial research, is a line repeated in Vonnegut’s anti-war novel Slaughterhouse-Five every time someone dies. I don’t know anything more about it, other than that it is a Kurt Vonnegut-inspired pin available for purchase on Etsy, and Shep mentions that he wanted to get a Vonnegut quote tattoo, even though “everybody has those.”

Green Alien Head: You will never be able to convince me that Shepard does not 10,000% believe in the existence of aliens. If he were still in the U.S. during the Area 51 Raid, I’m sure he would have stopped by, just, you know, for science…(I’m thinking he was probably still in the UK, but I guess we’ll see in AWTWB.)

Centaur: This one is also hard to see, but I took the design from a pin I found of one of the centaurs (the blue-haired, blue-bodied one, if that rings a bell for you) from Disney’s Fantasia. (Fun fact: I was super into Fantasia as a littlun, and I attribute my lifelong love for classical music in large part to the centaur sequence and my latent lesbianism—I mean, it was ludicrously erotic. Watch it sometime and tell me it would not make an impression on a sapphic three-year-old.) Midwifing a centaur foal was probably a very emotional and formative experience for Shepard. Buying this pin would be his way of remembering that experience, and the excitement and gratitude he likely felt to have been entrusted with that kind of acceptance from the centaur(s).

Jackalope: It doesn’t help that this pin is almost the same color as Shepard’s jacket, but it’s based off a design of a jackalope’s head that, again, I found on Google Image search (honestly, I don’t know how I ever made art without it). We know that Shepard once got some gossip from a jackalope, who vented to him about magicians calling “themselves ‘magicians’”, like “they’re the only ones with magic”. (This is totally irrelevant, but I always think of Americans when I read this. I am an American, by the way. America is a continent, but those of us living in the U.S. calls ourselves Americans, like everyone else living in America doesn’t matter.) Anyway, the jackalope offered Shepard some valuable insight into the political workings of the magickal world, so it gets its own pin.

LEFT SIDE

Pansexual Pride Flag Pin: I mean, technically, canonically, we don’t know what Shepard’s sexuality (or asexuality) is, but I just get some vibes from him. Plus, if we take him as a mirror for Simon (who is somewhere on the bi-plus spectrum), it’s not a far cry to imagine he also identifies somewhere on that spectrum.

Pentagram: This is another symbol that I chose based on my interpretation of Shepard’s character, and not so much on a Maybe or a story that he mentioned. The pentagram, or pentacle, is typically associated with the occult and witchcraft, which is something that could potentially also be said of Shep.

Sasquatch: You don’t go backpacking—or not backpacking—and introduce a Sasquatch to the benefits of dental hygiene without getting yourself a souvenir of the hike.

I [heart] Mystery Spot: The Mystery Spot is a weird sort of phenomenon in California (my home state). It’s a place outside the beach town of Santa Cruz that boasts of a “gravitational anomaly” on its website. I went once, years ago, and while you’re there, it can feel pretty convincing. (Also, I was probably like 10, so…) People outside of California will likely never have heard of this place, but driving around here (at least in the Bay Area, where I am, which isn’t that far from Santa Cruz) you’ll see yellow Mystery Spot bumper stickers on cars everywhere. I’m not really sure what the thing is with the bumper stickers. Like, I’m sure not that many people actually think it’s legit, and maybe it’s like one of those things that Californians just do (like freak out and forget how to drive when we feel water falling from the sky). But yeah, these bumper stickers are everywhere. Anyway, Shepard drives around a lot. He knows about the Vampires of Las Vegas (how is that not an indie rock band?) and the Katherine Hotel, and the Next Blood. So, he’s probably made it past Nevada and into California before. And while he was there, it’s not a great stretch of the imagination that someone who chases after magic wouldn’t wind up at a place called the Mystery Spot and get himself a pin while he was there. (And maybe even a bumper sticker.)

Black Power Fist: Unfortunately, this one is also hard to see, because the fist is black and I didn’t have anything to go over the outlines of the fingers with, which I sort of didn’t think about when I colored it. This one also feels self-explanatory. Shepard is black. Blackness has long been treated in itself as a crime by non-black members of law enforcement, and just the general racist population of the U.S. Young black men are especially vulnerable to racially motivated violence. I’m sure Shep, who drives all over the country by himself and gets into high speed chases at night in the middle of nowhere Nebraska while hunting super shifty rando Maybes has had a run-in or two. Stay safe, Shep!

Every Pronoun Belongs Here [Trans Pride Flag background]: Also, super hard to see because the letters are too small to read. I found this exact pin in a basket by the register at my local bookshop. (Support local bookshops, people!) They were being sold as a fundraiser for a LGBTQ club at one of the high schools, and I loved the idea that I could help them raise money and add this pin to my own growing collection to show off my support for trans rights. (Support trans rights and trans people, people!) I decided to give Shepard this same pin, because I could imagine him having an almost identical book buying experience in a dozen other towns that he’s probably visited. And I love the simplicity of the message, because it’s one of belonging, which EVERYONE is desperately seeking, no matter who they are or how they identify, and Shepard, and every character in this picture, is no exception. (Plus, it seemed like a cool way to connect my pin collection with Shep’s. Maybe I should have mentioned the fact that I’m also a pin person at the beginning? I walk to work and on my lunch breaks, so I carry all of my stuff in a backpack. And I proudly display my random pin collection on my backpack. Including several Simon Snow-related pins.)

Don’t Panic: This was based off a Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy pin. I don’t really know anything about the Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy (including if it’s okay to abbreviate it as HGG? THGTTG? whatever), even though I did watch the movie years back when it was on TV and I still lived with my parents who had a TV. But the sentiment felt appropriate, and Shepard is a sort of magickal hitchhiker. Apart from managing to hold down a job at Dick Blick, he appears to lead a somewhat nomadic lifestyle. He tells Penny, “the road is my teacher”, and if that’s not a hitchhiker slogan, I don’t know what is. (Ass, gas, or grass?)

Black Lives Matter: They do. Just sayin’.

Magic Troll Doll: When I was growing up, the Troll doll was all the (nightmare-inducing) rage. Trolls are one of those magickal creatures that are continually mentioned in the series. Shepard talks about lonely trolls under bridges. Simon talks about killing trolls. Agatha would rather kiss a troll. And Baz was kidnapped by numpties, who are sort of like trolls. I couldn’t not include a troll. And the Troll doll specifically felt perfect, because the full name was Magic Troll Doll. You can bet if Shepard had to pick a troll-related pin, it would be a magic(k)al one.

[Asshole]: This is another Kurt Vonnegut pin. It looks like a messily drawn asterisk (*), but it’s actually meant to be an asshole (taken from the preface of Vonnegut’s novel Breakfast of Champions, and drawn by Vonnegut himself). I just thought, why the fuck not? So, here. Have an asshole pin. (I should have put it on a buttonhole…)

HONOURABLE MENTION

Shepard’s Phone Case: Remember that line I quoted earlier, about Shep wanting to get a Vonnegut quote tattoo? Well, when I was trying to figure out what to put on his phone case, I thought that seemed like a reasonable place to start. So, I googled Vonnegut quotes, to see if I could find one that I thought Shepard would like. Here’s the quote: “a purpose of human life, no matter who is controlling it, is to love whoever is around to be loved.” I just loved that for Shepard.

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