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naughtyneganjdm · 4 years

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The Mistress - Chapter 40

Summary: The war continues with Rick and Negan while the reader tries to handle everything taking place around them.

Characters: Reader, Negan, Simon, Dwight, Rick, Daryl, etc.

Warnings: Swearing, threat of rape, violence, blood, angst.

AO3 Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9366677/chapters/54195763

Notes: So this chapter moves pretty quickly and jumps through time rather fast. It follows the end of season 8 pretty closely, so I figured I should let you guys know. Yes, it is very long, but people told me they would prefer it that way. Thank you to anyone that still has interest in this story! I'm sorry for any major spelling/grammar errors there are. It was a lot to read through on a night I'm pretty tired. This story follows TWD and I wanted to get closer to the newer seasons, so that’s kind of a spoiler I think, but oh well! Thanks again to anyone that reads!

“Negan,” you tried catching Negan’s attention watching the way that plans were folding out in front of you after Eugene had managed to figure out an idea for getting the walkers away from the building. Negan was focused on work, not you. The two of you needed to talk. About what you knew with Dwight. About everything that was going on, but you were the last thing on Negan’s mind while he contemplated ideas and plans with the rest of The Saviors. “Negan?”

“Baby, not now,” Negan lifted his head up from where he was looking at the maps and you sighed heavily, moving to the corner of the room that Negan demanded you stay in with him. You sat down and waited. They were talking so much and so fast that you didn’t even get to catch what the plan was. You just heard them rambling and it caused your head to ache. So much was dropped in your lap all at once and you weren’t sure what to do with yourself. Hearing a whistle, you looked up to see Negan wiggling his fingers at you to beckon you to him. You got up and moved over toward where Negan was and felt him reaching out for your hands. “You’re coming with us; I don’t trust you being here alone without us.”

“Where are we going Negan?” you breathed feeling an ache at the center of your chest knowing that he was going to get revenge. That was what this was all about. Grabbing his outreached hands, you led him toward the corner of the room and reached up to caress over the sides of his face. You cupped his face in your hands and leaned in to brush a kiss over his lips. Negan’s hazel eyes seemed to be locked on yours as you shook your head. “Let’s go away. The two of us.”

“And do what? We’d have nothing,” Negan reminded you with a shake of his head. His Adam’s apple bounced in his throat as his lips parted. “A life with just you sounds amazing. It does and I wish I fucking could, but we’d have nothing. We’d have to start from step one and you are pregnant. We couldn’t do that. I couldn’t take you to a place where we have nothing.”

“We’d make it work,” you tried to suggest, but Negan was hearing none of it. His jaw was flexed and his eyes would barely look into yours. It was like he was ashamed of his answer and you felt your throat going dry. “Negan, this isn’t going to work. Please. Revenge, it only keeps going until one of you is dead.”

“And that’s what has to happen,” Negan insisted with a firm nod. “Someone has to die in order for me to be able to be with you fully. For our child to be safe. If I don’t handle this now, someone will come after you. Someone will come after my child and the only way for this to be over is for me to kill that prick.”

“Maybe talk it out with him Negan? Try to see eye to eye?” you offered up a thought and you squeezed his hands in yours. You tried to get him to look at you and you shrugged. You tried reaching out for Negan’s humanity because you knew it was there. You knew that he didn’t want to kill people, but he thought he had to. “For our baby, please…”

“It would never work Y/N,” Negan tried to explain, but you were almost begging him. You didn’t know how much more stress you could take with all of this happening. It was really wearing down on you. The world felt like it was on your shoulders and you were trying to figure out how to keep the man you loved from making a huge mistake.

“Please try,” you begged and could see Negan gulp down heavily. He was upset with your request, but you were hoping that it would leave some kind of effect on him. “I’ll come with you. Rick wouldn’t hurt a pregnant woman. He would understand. He will try to…”

“I don’t want you to be in harm’s way,” Negan hushed you and he shook his head, denying your suggestion. “Grimes may be one way, but everyone else…”

“I know,” you shook your head and tried to keep him focused. “But we can try for the future of our child and for us.”

Negan thought for a long moment before nodding. You assumed that meant he was taking your request into consideration. He leaned in to press a loving kiss against your temple before stepping back. Eventually he walked away and left you to yourself while he got things together for the trip.

Negan had you get onto one of the trucks in the back when they were ready to leave for Alexandria. You were alone to yourself and you were surprised that he put you in a truck all alone. Negan made sure you were comfortable and safe, but it was very awkward. The silence didn’t help either. When you got to the destination, you looked to the doors of the large truck to see Negan pulling open the back and hopping up with you.

Negan pulled you to your feet with ease, making sure to be careful with you. There was a silence while he slid his hand in over your side and reached up with the other to caress over the side of your face, “I love you…you know that, right? I love you…so much.”

“Yeah?” you shifted on your feet, leaning into his gentle caress. Negan’s eyes were staring into yours and it showed that he was deep in thought while there was a silence between the two of you. Negan nodded and lifted his other hand up to cup at your face tenderly. His thumbs took their time to trace over your features and something felt off with all of this. “Negan?’

“Kiss me,” Negan ordered and you gave him a strange look. Negan nodded and you moved in to kiss him. His arms hooked around your hips while he kissed you slow. It was a long, drawn out moment where Negan’s lips softly kissed you over and over again. When he pulled away, his forehead moved in to rest against yours. “I love you.”

“I know you do. I really think if we just talk things out…” you tried to begin and Negan hushed you, reaching up to press his finger over your lips to silence you. You wanted to say everything on your mind about how you thought of begging for your future with your child to Rick.

“Before we do all that,” Negan whispered, his eyebrows tightening together. “I need you to grab me the bag from the corner over there.”

“Which one?” you looked over your shoulder to see Negan nod toward the back corner where there were a lot of things set out. Moving over toward the area, you pushed a few things aside not seeing a bag where he directed. “Negan, there is nothing here that’s…”

Hearing the sound of the doors closing, you looked over your shoulder to see that Negan was gone and the doors were closed. Quickly moving toward the back of the truck, you tried to get out and realized by the sound outside of the truck that Negan had locked you in. He had agreed to your idea with Rick to get you to do what he wanted and when you were doing what he had asked of you, he left.

Hitting the door, you knew it was useless and damned yourself for realizing that Negan was never going to listen to you. Moving toward the back of the truck, you dropped down where you were sitting when they had driven to Alexandria. While you had actually believed that Negan was going to listen to you for once, you should have known better. After all you had been through with Negan, you should have known he would have taken what you said and ignored it completely. Negan had too much pride to beg.

Shifting inside of the truck, you waited. You didn’t know what the plan here was and you wished you would have listened to the plans they were coming up with when you were sitting in the room. There was just so much going on that you didn’t know what to do. The distant sound of Negan’s voice sounding like it was over a loud speaker was heard, but you were clearly far enough away that you wouldn’t be able to hear it. You tried to shift closer to the side of the truck, but still it was hard to make out what he was saying. Where in the world did Negan get something that would be able to project his voice that far?

You waited what seemed like forever and heard the sound of explosions. Shooting up from your position, you shifted in the truck. Your hand instinctively covered your stomach and you swallowed down hard. You had no idea who was doing what or what was happening. All you could think about was your future. This would not lead to the best version of your life that you imagined with Negan and your child. For some reason you saw hope and a chance at having a normal life for your family, but now that you heard what sounded like a war going on, you realized that was never going to happen.

Time went by so slow and there was no one that was clearly coming for you. It felt like hours passed before you felt the truck starting to move again. You were scared. Uncomfortable. Hell, you didn’t even know what happened or may even be driving the truck. You prepared yourself for the worst. When the truck stopped again, you waited for quite some time. You heard groups of people moving all around the truck while you were sitting in the corner. You waited…and waited. Your body was shaking. You tried to stop it, but you couldn’t help the tremors that were filling your body.

The snapping of the lock on the back of the truck was heard and you lifted your gaze to look up to see the doors slowly pulling open. You watched as Negan carefully hopped up onto the back of the truck. His hazel eyes were staring down at you as he moved across the truck. Blood was dripping from a split lip and you could see that the bridge of his nose was bloody along with his face.

Negan reached out for your hand and you accepted it. You were upset with him, but he helped you down from the truck and he urged you to follow him up the stairs toward his office. He closed the door behind both of you and when he turned to face you, he stopped. His hazel eyes stared out into yours. There was a sense of disappointment behind them and you could tell the attack didn’t go the way he wanted it to. Negan stepped forward, his right hand reaching out to caress in over the side of your neck to curl his fingers around the back of your neck to pull you in. His forehead rest against yours for a moment and you sighed.

You wanted to erupt on him so very badly, but you didn’t even know what to say. It was clear how Negan felt about things and it didn’t matter what you said, it wouldn’t change things. Leaning back, you saw the blood dripping from his lip and moved for his desk. Reaching for a tissue, you moved across the room and dabbed at Negan’s bottom lip. His eyes were hooked on yours while you took care of him.

“Did you win?” you questioned, your eyes narrowing out at Negan as he licked at his lip when you pulled away. You tossed aside the tissue and leaned back against Negan’s desk. “Was it everything you hoped it would be?”

“They got away,” Negan answered, reaching up to wipe at his mouth with the back of his hand to see if he was still bleeding. “It didn’t go the way I wanted, but we blew most of their homes away, so it doesn’t really give them much of an advantage.”

“Who did you kill?” you inquired and Negan’s eyebrows tensed together.

“Do you care?” Negan blurt out, his voice deepening as he spoke. It clearly pissed him off that you wanted to know who died and genuinely cared. You didn’t answer and you swallowed down heavily. You didn’t agree with killing everyone and he knew that. “I asked you, do you care?”

“I don’t like killing people Negan,” you retorted and he snorted. A hint of a laugh fell from his lips and he rolled his eyes.

“So you’d rather them kill me, huh?” Negan poked further and you shook your head in disgust. He knew what you meant, but it was obvious that he was in the mood to bicker. “I told you, they got away. I don’t know how, but they did. Rick’s fucking one eyed kid is a genius. He kept me focused on him while everyone clearly got away.”

“And Rick?” you looked Negan over realizing that he wasn’t totally hurt, but it was clear he had gotten in a fight.

“He got away too, but I got a few good hits in,” Negan insisted, moving over to the couch to drop down on top of it. Negan was watching you like a hawk, he knew you were upset with him for locking you in the truck, but clearly wasn’t going to bring attention to it.

“Do you think my opinion holds no value?” you finally spoke up and Negan smirked. His eyes searched yours for a moment longer before he looked down toward the ground. “I’m serious.”

“Your opinion holds value to me, but not the rest of the Saviors,” Negan insisted with a heavy sigh. “I did what I did today to keep our family safe. You should know that.”

“So this is all about your family? Not about you being the leader and needing to prove a point?” you watched Negan closely after you asked him the question. His lips parted and he went to say something, but his face twisted with confusion. “I mean…this was all for us?”

“You know that it is,” Negan grunted, his eyebrow arching up while he stared out at you. “We need a steady place for our child. We need to make sure that we are safe.”

“How does this make us safe Negan? Attacking them put us in a worse position. We’re never going to be safe as long as the fighting continues,” you tried to insist and Negan shifted in his seat uncomfortably. “Your army is falling apart at the core. The people who are the highest up both want you dead. You are fighting a group of people that love and care for each other. They are connected and The Saviors are falling apart.”

“Watch it,” Negan warned from where he was sitting. “You might know something about human nature and how people might react to things, but you have no idea what it is like to be the leader of a group of people that are counting on you. Hundreds of people count on me to keep them safe. I am doing what I have to do to help them and to keep you along with the baby safe.”

“You don’t give a shit about me and the baby,” you muttered under your breath and you could see out of the corner of your eye that Negan’s head cocked to the side when he heard you say that.

“What did you just say?” Negan snapped, standing up from the couch and moving across the room closer to you. The angry expression over his features would often scare you, but you were so used to it at this point, you no longer cared if you pissed him off or not. “I don’t think I heard you right.”

“You heard me,” you replied, your eyes narrowing out at his. “Maybe there is a part of you that loves us, but we’re just an idea of what is perfect to you. You think you have to love us. I was an idea to you. Something you thought that was special. I turned you down originally so I became perfect in your mind, but I can tell that you don’t love us.”

“You’re crazy,” Negan grunted, reaching out to grab your jaw in his fingertips in a demanding grasp and you huffed.

“That’s why when looking death in the face you told Gabriel about Lucille and not us, right? You’re only real wife was Lucille. Funny how that keeps coming up,” you repeated what Gabriel had told you and you watched the color drain from Negan’s face. He swallowed down hard and you shoved his hand away from your face. “Who is the crazy one now?”

“Listen…” Negan spoke up clearly thinking of something to say.

“I don’t want to hear more lies,” you sighed heavily, turning away from him. “You did a good job convincing me that you loved me for a while, but you just wanted a baby. The problem is that you wanted a baby with Lucille. Not me. I’m just the best you could get.”

“Listen, he was deep in getting me to admit my weakness. He kept digging and digging. We were trapped in this fucking hot ass trailer where walkers were seconds from getting in. The first thing I thought about was my wife and not being able to end her,” Negan informed you with his voice cracking. “I love you Y/N. I do. It’s just with Lucille; it was so traumatic for me that it…it never left me. Okay?”

“I believe that part, but I don’t believe you love me,” you muttered and Negan tried to move forward to touch you, but you held your hand up to keep him blocked from getting near you. “I love you…so much.”

“I know you do,” Negan insisted and you shook your head. Your throat was tensing, you were upset and you wanted to cry. You wanted to rupture, but you tried keeping it together. “No one has ever loved me like you have and I have never tried as hard as I have with someone like I have you. I cheated on Lucille, but I’ve never…ever done that with you.”

“And?” you shrugged your shoulders. “It doesn’t mean you love me.”

“I love you as much as I can love anyone,” Negan muttered, trying to make sense of everything. “When I tell you I love you, it feels right.”

“But we’re not a real marriage,” you looked to the wedding ring you were wearing that he had given you. “I don’t even know what to call ourselves.”

“I gave you my mother’s ring Y/N. I gave it to you before I ever found out you were pregnant,” Negan reminded you, stepping forward to grab a hold of your hands. He rubbed his thumbs over the back of them and he tried to get you to look at him. “We’re something different. Marriage isn’t the same now. With Lucille it was what we envisioned marriage to be. People who love each other and jump into getting married. They live in a house, they pay bills, they talk about having children, but they never do.”

“So what am I then? An apocalyptic bride?” you felt your eyes tearing over and Negan half laughed. He leaned in to press his forehead against yours. “I’ll never be Lucille to you.”

“No, you won’t, but you’re something different,” Negan insisted with a nod. “I will always…always love the both of you.”

“Then why was I not a thought when you were going to die?” you tried to reason with yourself and you couldn’t quite wrap your mind around it. “I wasn’t even mentioned. Our baby wasn’t even mentioned.”

“I didn’t think I was going to die,” Negan answered and you rolled your eyes. “I’m serious. I didn’t think I was going to die. Should I have told one of Rick’s people about the woman that I’m married to? About the woman that is pregnant with my child? You saw what Daryl was capable of. He crashed a damn truck into a building and was fucking ready to kill everyone innocent if it meant getting to me. They are just as brutal as I am.”

“I want to believe you Negan, I really do,” you felt his thumbs caressing at your jawline and you looked up at him.

“I understand. The fact I’m still head over heels for my dead wife is confusing,” Negan hushed you and he leaned in to press a quick kiss over your lips. “But I love you. I never realized there was enough room in my heart to love two people, but I do. I don’t know how to handle it sometimes. I know that. And I know it’s hard for you, but she’s part of me. Just like you are.”

“I wish you would trust me then,” you nodded, clearly letting your emotions get the best of you and you felt a single tear sliding down your face. Negan collected it with his thumb and brushed it away before frowning. “I’m scared of losing you Negan. You might be okay with the idea of Lucille waiting for you at the other end, but without you, I have no one.”

“You’re not going to get rid of me that easily,” Negan pulled you in closer for a firm hug and he nestled his nose against the side of your neck. “I think about you and that baby all the time. In fact, before all of this I was writing down names and I was going to have you pick one from a cup of names that I picked.”

Negan motioned you over toward his desk and pulled open the top drawer. Looking inside you saw two cups sitting inside filled with little pieces of paper, “Left is the name of girls and right is for the boys…”

“We’re going to determine our child’s name from picking names out of a glass?” you teased and Negan shrugged his shoulders. Reaching for one of the names from the glass you pulled open the piece of paper to see the female name. “Angel?”

“I thought it would be cute to say daddy’s little Angel,” Negan threw his hands up in the air and you laughed. Negan’s dimples sucked in when you reached for one from the boy’s cup. You pulled out the name to look it over. When Negan saw the name on the piece of paper, he moved in closer to you and placed his hands over your shoulders. “I always liked the name Ethan.”

“Both are good names,” you watched Negan shrug before you reached for another piece of paper and Negan tried to stop you. A laugh fell from your lips when you opened the paper to see the name Ethan again. “Negan?”

“What?” Negan’s face flushed over as you reached for another piece of paper to see that the name was Ethan again. “I may have put it in there a few times. It’s not the only name in there…”

“You just put it in there a lot?” you snorted and Negan pulled the papers from your fingers. “Why wouldn’t you just tell me you wanted to name your boy Ethan?”

“I just kind of wanted you to think you had some kind of say in it,” Negan seemed embarrassed and he looked to the other glass. “The girl names all have Angel in them somehow so I’m kind of tacky I guess.”

“It’s cute Negan, I’ll think about it,” you reached out to wrap your arms around Negan’s neck and he was pouting when you had seen that he tricked the boy’s names. You still wanted to be mad at him, but you just found the cup of names so cute and it swayed you away from the anger you were having toward him. “I just wish I was as special to you as Lucille is. She was a very lucky woman to have you love her as much as you do.”

“It was a little too late on my end,” Negan gulped heavily before tipping in to press a loving kiss over your lips. “I need to go talk with everyone. Make a plan about everything. Figure all of this out so we are still one step ahead.”

“Negan…” you called out when he moved for the door. “There is something I have to tell you about Dwight.”

“Listen, I just…I really have to go,” Negan insisted and you moved across the room to grab his hand. “Y/N they are probably looking for me.”

“I think he’s helping the other side,” you blurt out to the best of your ability and Negan stepped back, looking over his shoulder at you. “I was out on the roof with Eugene. Eugene was attempting to help us get the walkers away and Dwight was trying to foil his plans. He’s working with Rick…”

“After torturing Daryl?” Negan’s eyebrows tensed together. “I don’t think they’d be stupid enough to trust him Y/N. You probably heard something else said.”

“Negan, I know what I heard,” you tried to inform him and it was clear that Negan was skeptic of what you were saying. You tried to get him to listen to you, but he was obviously in total doubt of it all. “I don’t care if you believe me or not Negan, but Dwight and Simon are both after you. You need to be careful.”

“I can handle myself,” Negan tried to insist with a heavy sigh. “Give me a few Y/N. Let me find out everything that has happened and then we’ll figure out what we can do with everything.”

Negan stopped in the doorway when he was going to leave. He breathed out heavily and let out a frustrated breath. Negan looked over his shoulder at you and it was clear you were visibly upset that he wanted to abruptly end things.

“Come on,” Negan reached out his hand and you stepped forward, giving him a confused look. You wrapped your hand around his and felt him squeezing firmly around your fingers. “We’ll handle things…together.”

Following Negan, you went with him to catch up with what had happened at The Sanctuary. You didn’t say much, you kept to yourself. You knew that it was hard for Negan to have you around to see that side of him. He often wanted you to believe in the side of him that was good and have you avoid seeing what he did that was bad. But after this, it felt like he wanted you to be included in things. You could see the frustration in Negan’s face when he found out that Doctor Carson fled with Gabriel. You knew the only reason he had the new Carson there was to take care of you and while you were nervous…at the same time, you felt like it would be alright. Negan was definitely more upset about it than you were. The idea of Gabriel leaving was something you were uncomfortable with after knowing how much Gabriel clearly knew about things.

You listened to the things that happened and you found yourself shocked with what Negan had done. There wasn’t much you could say, but you knew that what he had done to Alexandria would cause more problems. Negan seemed to think by doing what he did, it would make things better, but it didn’t. You heard his continued plans to go after Hilltop and for the most part you stayed quiet. The only time you were asked to leave is when Hilltop had sent a large box in and Negan wanted to keep you safe. He made you stay in his office until he was ready to come get you.

You respected Negan allowing you stay in on things, but the fact that you were hearing all the negative things that were taking place, you thought maybe Negan was right in the first place not having you be part of it. How things were being run were definitely not how you would have done it. And the things that Negan planned and how he ran things just made him sound so much crueler than the man you knew. You witnessed him and Simon fighting and knew that this was headed south and fast. Neither Simon nor Dwight had his back and yet, Negan still tried having faith in both of them and that broke you. It really hurt to see one of the strongest, smartest men you knew allowing himself to be taken advantage of when you really knew better.

The sound of knocking on the door was heard and you lifted your head to see Negan slowly walking into the room. Something was wrong, very wrong. The look on his face said it and you moved up from the chair at his desk. Negan was upset. You knew that look very well. It was a rare one, but you knew it. Negan dropped Lucille to the ground when he lifted his gaze from the floor to look out at you.

“Carl is dead,” Negan informed you with a heavy gulp, his jaw flexing and his voice cracking as he spoke. Negan stood before you for a moment and your heart was pounding inside of your chest at his admission. “Rick got a hold of one of our radios and asked to talk to me. Apparently the kid was helping someone and got himself bit…”

“Jesus,” your mind thought back to Rick and knowing now that one of the only things that kept Rick going was gone meant that he wouldn’t hold back any longer. “That’s awful.”

“Apparently he wrote a letter after he got bit…to me,” Negan explained clearly thinking back to what Rick had told him. “Asking us for peace and to stop fighting. He asked it from both Rick and I…”

You stared out at him and didn’t know what to say. Part of you hoped that they agreed to it. That both Rick and Negan would come to terms after such extreme measures occurred, but Negan shook his head. There was a dampness in his eyes as he spoke up again, “Rick has no interest in that. He just wants me killed. Son of bitch was too busy trying to overthrow me that he let his son get killed. Damn it.”

Negan let out an upset sound and turned on his heels away from you. He slouched over and braced his hands on his knees. It was clear that Negan was visibly upset, but you knew how much he liked Carl. It had surprised you in the way that he had talked about Carl in the past, but it was clear how much he clearly cared.

“That kid was such a badass. I was hoping…I had plans for him after all of this was over,” Negan explained standing up and moving across the room closer to you. “I always thought if we had a boy…if we had a boy I could only wish that he would be half as cool as that kid, you know? He was born for this shit. He was supposed to outlive me…outlive us all.”

Negan’s eyes had visible tears in them and you reached out to tug on his leather jacket to bring him in closer to you. Wrapping your arms around him, you held him close. It was clear how truly upset he was over the loss of Rick’s son. Urging him over toward the couch, you sat down and felt Negan lay down on the couch beside you while putting his head in your lap. Your fingertips traced through his hair in a soothing manner while you watched him stare up at the ceiling. There were clearly so many thoughts going through his mind and at the same time you knew there was nothing you could do to help.

“Is this my fault?” Negan spoke up, swallowing down hard when he looked to you with his hazel eyes. “Is this my fault that an innocent kid is dead?”

“You didn’t kill him sweetheart,” you tried to explain and Negan’s face scrunched up in sadness. He turned on his side and you could hear his breathing shaken. “Negan?”

He was distant. It was clear that the news of Carl had hit him harder than you could have ever imagined. Waiting in silence, you stroked the side of his face and traced your fingers through his hair. Your heart ached for Rick and at the same time it made you scared and in fear for your child.

“Negan…our baby,” you began with a frown, his eyes lifted from where they were to look out at you. “Do you think this is a sign that we have to stop? That we have to make something happen? Because this just means to me that people are going to keep dying. People we care about. People we love. Shouldn’t we focus on the here and now? Shouldn’t we try to keep those we love safe with the time that we have instead of this war?”

“This war is what is going to keep my child safe. People will know not to fuck with me and everything will get better,” Negan answered almost emotionless and he shook his head. “I empathize with Rick. I am sorry. His son was an amazing young man and I feel so…sorry for him, but he will not back down. He will not stop. Begging for us to stop fighting is not an option. He told me Carl wanted peace, that’s not on his list of to dos. Rick is coming to kill me and if I don’t do something first, then he is going to kill the father of your child. Is that something you want?”

“No, it’s not Negan, but I love you. I fucking love you and I want us to be a family,” you insisted and Negan’s face twisted. “There has to be other ways.”

“There are no other ways. The plan is already in motion,” Negan answered, sitting up on the couch with you. His hazel eyes seemed frustrated with your response and you tried to reach out to touch him, but he seemed angry with you. “I sent Simon out to deal with some things, but when he is back…we’re going to be going after Hilltop. We will be making sure that they get what’s coming to them and I’m going to make sure that no one has the balls to do to me what Rick has ever done again.”

“Does your ego need to be this big Negan? You have a baby on the way,” you slid your hand in over your stomach and Negan’s jaw clenched while you spoke. “There has already been so much loss. We no longer have a doctor around to help. We are lost; we are in the corner and…”

“I’ll get out of it, I always do,” Negan informed you with a firm nod.

“What about me? What about us?” you pointed out and Negan’s eyes shifted. “You will get out of it, but what about your family?”

“When everything goes my way and it turns out being the way I know it will…” Negan started, getting up from the couch to glare down at you. “Then you will realize that I was right. You will realize what a mistake you were making in not having faith in what I was doing.”

“I lost faith in what you were doing a long time ago Negan, I just kind of went with it,” you informed him with a half laugh. “This…this is just a dick measuring contest now between you and Rick. You two don’t care who you take down with you. Just as long as you win. It’s both of you. Not just one. You both are trying to prove who is the alpha and you don’t care what happens.”

“You have that little faith in me, huh?” Negan snarled and you could feel your chest aching at the thought. You shrugged your shoulders and saw Negan glare down at you. It was clear you were upsetting him and that wasn’t really what you were originally going for, but you couldn’t help it. “Fuck it…”

“Can’t you just see that I love you and that’s why I’m doing this? That is why I am saying this,” you called out to him when he went to storm out of the room. “I love you and I only see this ending badly. I love you and I don’t want to lose you.”

“Don’t you see what I’m doing is because I love you?” Negan snapped back and his voice rose. His eyebrows were tensed together and you shook your head. “It may not be the choices you would make, but I’m trying to keep my people safe…I’m trying…”

“You just want to win Negan,” you shook your head and Negan let out a disgusted noise. “It doesn’t matter who you take down with you as long as you win and I can’t pretend like I support that anymore. I don’t. I don’t support this. I don’t support what you are doing. I don’t want you dead.”

“Well you don’t have a fucking choice,” Negan snapped, slamming the door closed when he grabbed his things and left you there. You had been alone to yourself most of the day and when you were roaming you heard about Negan’s plans to attack Hilltop. You tried not to worry or involve yourself. At night when Negan was meant to come to bed, he never did. It was something you weren’t used to with Negan. He always managed to find his way back to you, but he was clearly too angry with you.

When you had woken up in the morning you had found out that Negan had already left for Hilltop. He had gone without saying goodbye. He had gone without kissing you, without telling you he would be back. He was clearly still that angry with you that he didn’t bother to say goodbye to you or your baby. That was one of the things that Negan always did before going off to some kind of war. Yet, here you were…alone at The Sanctuary without Negan. You’re heart broke knowing that he had left you because you said you could no longer support his war against Rick. You were always taught to say goodbye to someone you loved because you never knew what would happen, but Negan made it clear in the last day what everything meant to him.

The amount at which your heart ached knowing he had left without saying goodbye broke you. You should have kept your mouth shut. You should have just kept doing what you were doing and been done with it.

You waited…and waited. It wasn’t until night when someone finally came back and when The Saviors started pouring back in, you realized Negan wasn’t showing up. You stood at the loading dock waiting for him. Negan was always one of the first people out when they got back, but when you saw Simon moving toward The Sanctuary as the last person, you saw his dark eyes meet yours and you panicked.

“Where is Negan?” you questioned feeling a rush of panic fill your body when Simon’s jaw twitched in what seemingly was anger. “Where is Negan?”

“Negan is dead,” Simon answered simply, throwing his hands up in the air and you felt your heart sink at the news. “We were on our way to Hilltop and Rick found him. Hit Negan’s car with his and when we finally got to him, Negan’s car was flipped over and the inside of it was a bloody mess. I’m sorry, but Negan…”

“You’re lying,” you looked over your shoulder to see Dwight standing at the door and Simon pointed to Dwight for confirmation. “He’s lying, Negan wouldn’t…”

“It’s true,” Dwight muttered, his eyes meeting yours and you felt your stomach twist over what Simon and Dwight were saying. “No one could have survived that Y/N. I’m sorry…”

Falling back onto the steps your hand slid in over your stomach and you heard Simon grunt before moving around you and into The Sanctuary. You thought about the last time you saw Negan. The fight you had was not something you had planned, but the fact he had gotten so mad at you that he hadn’t even said goodbye to you or came to you that night broke your heart.

“I…am so sorry,” Dwight moved in beside you on the seat and you looked over to see Dwight trying to clearly think of what to say. “Rick just came out of nowhere and…”

“Don’t pretend like you care,” you shot back and Dwight swallowed down heavily. There was a nervousness in his expression when you clenched your fists at your sides. You were trying to hold back tears, but it was clear that it wasn’t working well when you felt your eyes burning. You knew the truth. You heard what he said to Eugene and you had told Negan, but nothing had come of it. Maybe if you would have tried harder, Negan would still be here. “This is your fault. You wanted him dead. You didn’t want him here. So don’t you dare come and apologize to me about Negan.”

“Your life will be better,” Dwight tried to insist and you laughed inwardly. You looked away from him and it was clear that Dwight was not leaving. “I know it seemed like you loved him and in a weird way, I’m sure he cared about you too, but being with Negan would only bring you a lifetime of agony and pain.”

“And what about my child?” you looked to Dwight and you felt your tears sliding down the side of your face at this point. “What am I going to do about that now, huh? You think I’m better off without the father of my child being here? Negan protected us and kept us safe.”

“Your baby is going to be taken care of,” Dwight reasoned with you, but you didn’t want to hear it. “I know you don’t like me and I may have been the cause of things that happened, but I won’t let anything bad happen to you. I would never…”

“What are you going to do for me Dwight? Huh?” you snapped and you found yourself wanting to go out to look for Negan. You didn’t want to believe them. Negan always came back. Negan was always the guy that scared the hell out of you and made you think he was dead, but he always came back. You didn’t want to believe he was gone. “You think you can keep someone you don’t even care for safe when the people you are working with don’t even like you? You think they are going to work with you as soon as they realize Negan is dead? You’re a goner soon too Dwight, you just don’t know it yet.”

“How do you…?” Dwight bit down on his bottom lip and you rolled your eyes when he realized you knew about his alliance with Rick. “Listen, I mean what I say. I’m not going to let you get hurt. I know you are sad and I don’t blame you for that, but this…this is a good thing.”

“You left a psycho in charge,” you nodded back toward the building, referring to Simon. “You think that leaving Simon in charge is going to be better than Negan? At least with Negan you could somewhat reason with. Simon is a cold blooded killer that will try to kill everyone. Which is what I’m assuming happened at Hilltop and that’s why you guys are back here because you got your asses handed to you.”

“It didn’t go well,” Dwight agreed and you shook your head in response. You stood from the stairs carefully and grasped at your abdomen. Both doctors told you the stress was not good for the baby, but all your life had been lately was stress. It went with the territory. “I know Simon is off the hinges, but with Negan gone people are going to make this right.”

“It’s never going to be right. You may have killed Negan, but there will always be someone. Simon or another crazy person who wants to take control will replace Negan. You aren’t going to get rid of the bad people in the world,” you reminded Dwight who frowned and rubbed his hands over the sides of his face. “Negan was awful in your opinion, but there will be someone who is worse. There always is.”

“Why don’t you come inside? We will talk. Simon is likely pissed off trying to plan something else and you should be inside. Make sure to keep yourself and the baby safe,” Dwight stood up from the stairs and nodded toward the door. “Come on Y/N. Let’s get some soup or something for you and…”

“I’m going to wait right here,” you insisted, looking out at the entrance of the The Sanctuary. “Negan will come back. I know he will and I’m going to be the one person waiting for him when he is.”

“He’s not coming back dear, I’m trying to help you,” Dwight moved down the stairs to try and convince you while reaching out for you, but you pulled away from him. “Negan is not coming back. I understand that you have faith in him. I know that you always have, no matter what it came to, but I’m telling you he’s not coming back. The sooner you come to terms with that, the better it will be for you. There is no way that someone could have survived what happened to Negan. He’s gone Y/N and you have to deal with that.”

It amused you that they just told you that it happened and yet they expected you to be over it in minutes. It was almost like he expected you to come with him after saying that, but you rolled your eyes and moved to the opened dock area to wait. Dwight let out a frustrated sound and left you there. You waited…and waited. You wanted to believe that everything was okay and that Negan would return, but he wasn’t. You had to have been out there hours waiting and nothing. Negan would usually be back by now. The fact that what Simon and Dwight said might be right crushed you. You wanted them to be wrong so badly. By the time the sun came up, you decided to give up. You had hope, so much hope, but by now you could tell that you were wrong in believing he would come back. He was gone.

Moving back into The Sanctuary, you moved across the hallway toward the area Negan often had meetings. You looked inside to see Simon at the table alone and you stepped forward into the room. When you stepped inside, the sound made Simon look up at you with a smile. It was crooked and he stood slowly from the table, his dark eyes staring into yours.

“Did you finally realize how stupid you were in thinking he was coming back?” Simon poked further at you as he stepped before you. His breathing was warm in your face and you shuddered at the sensation of him towering over you. “Negan’s not coming back honey…”

You said nothing. You couldn’t fight him on this one. You couldn’t say that he was wrong because for once you truly believed that he was right, but you weren’t going to be scared of Simon. This was just as much his fault as it was Dwight’s. He was trying to fight Negan all along and if he would have just been on Negan’s side the whole time you all would have been better off.

“I know this is somewhat your fault,” you snarled and he chuckled in your face. You wanted to hit him, but you kept your cool while standing before him. “I’m going to make sure that you don’t get away with this Simon.”

“You know, with Negan gone now…” Simon’s words came out in a whisper, his fingertips sliding down over the side of your arm. It caused a horrible chill to roll down your spine as you tried to pull away from him, but he grabbed a tight hold of you. “It leaves the door open for the two of us to be together…finally. You no longer have to worry about upsetting Negan…about belonging to Negan. You can be mine.”

“I’ll never be yours,” you retorted with a disgusted sound and Simon pushed you firmly against the side of the table. He slid his palms in over your hips and pushed himself forward toward you. “Simon, don’t…”

“What are you going to do about it if I do?” Simon snarled, his hands gripping tightly at your bottom when he reached around you to squeeze over your bottom. You tried pushing your hands into the center of his chest to get him away from you, but his hands reached up to snatch at your wrists. “You need to stop fighting me little girl. You’re going to be mine. I’m the one in charge now and with Negan gone, you’re mine. Everything that was his, they belong to me.”

“Over my dead body,” you snapped and Simon reached up to snatch at your jaw. He pushed you down on top of the table, your back hitting it hard as he leaned in over you making you feel trapped.

“We can get to work on that if you want,” Simon hissed out and he moved in over you, the strength of his body was holding you down. A sense of panic filtered through your veins and you knew this was going to be bad. “First I’m going to destroy that fucking pussy of yours…”

“Get off,” you demanded feeling Simon’s lips at the side of your neck and you let out a repulsed sound, trying to get him to release you. His mouth was over your flesh and it made you feel dirty. You writhed and did your best to try and slip out from underneath him.

“No, you are going to sit the fuck back and enjoy this…” Simon ordered, his palm wrapping tighter around your jaw to get you to sit still. The sensation of his mustache scratching at your skin made you wince. With everything you could, you tried to fight him back, but his large frame was keeping you locked down. “Negan never treated you right. Let me treat you the way you are supposed to be treated. I’ll fuck you right. Make you my queen, the way you should be. Not pretend your aren’t someone special I care about.”

“I don’t want you Simon, stop…” you pled, but he ignored your words and you felt him reaching down for your hips, but you continued to fight with him. Simon let out a frustrated sound before pulling you to the edge of the table to forcefully flip you over. “Stop!”

“If you don’t want to do this the right way first, then I will take you the way I want and you’ll learn to get used to this,” Simon reached for the back of your pants and you tried to pull away from him. The cool table pressed against your face hurt, but you were trying with all your might to get away from him. “I’ll force you to get used to it.”

“Stop…” you cried out again, but his hands were tugging at the material of your pants. You felt the cool air surrounding your body when he managed to get the material of your pants and underwear down you body. You called out hoping someone would be near to try help you. The sound of Simon pulling apart his belt was heard and you desperately tried to reach for something to help yourself when Simon pulled your hips back closer to him. “Please…stop.”

“No. There was a time you would have actually liked this, but Negan poisoned your mind thinking you could only be with him. If we would have done this much sooner, things would have just been fine,” Simon hissed out from behind you and you heard him pulling down the zipper of his pants. Mustering up all the strength you had in your body, you pushed off the table and brought your head back as hard as you could. Simon’s wince filled the air when your head connected with his jaw and you heard him hit the ground hard. You quickly pulled your pants back together and up over your body. Making a greater distance between the two of you, you looked to the door to see Dwight entering the room in a hurry and you heard Simon laughing. “Nothing is going on here Dwighty boy, we’re fine…”

“I don’t think you are,” Dwight looked to you in your disheveled state and he stepped before you as Simon fixed his pants back together. Simon slowly stood and began to move toward you, but Dwight urged you back toward the hallway again. “We’re going to separate the two of you and I have to talk to you about something in a few, but just…stay away from her.”

Simon stepped forward, but Dwight was quick to pull you out of the room. Dwight followed you back toward your room and you stopped before entering, “You thought that anyone would be better than Negan? Well I just almost ended up raped right then and you would have been too late if I hadn’t had saved myself…”

“I understand that. I didn’t think he would pull something like that. I am sorry,” Dwight tried to explain and you moved into your room. “Listen, I just…”

“Let me know what you figure out what to do with him Dwight because until then…I’m going to be staying in here,” you informed him, shutting the door behind you. You shifted and paced in your room after everything that happened. Your blood was pulsing through your veins and the idea that Simon had gotten so close to raping you. Dropping down to the couch, you began to sob about everything. The fact that Negan was gone, the fact that you were alone and now seemingly alone with Simon scared the hell out of you. This was no longer a safe place for you like Negan had wanted it to be.

Getting up from the couch, you moved across to the kitchen area in your room and pulled open the drawers. Reaching for the large kitchen knife inside, you took it with you to the side of your bed to set it on the nightstand. Sitting down in the center of the bed, you pulled your legs up closer to you and stared at the door. Whatever was coming for you…you’d be ready for it. It had been a hard night for you. You couldn’t sleep most of the night because you were expecting Simon to come back and get you. The idea of him trying to rape you terrified you and it took way late into the night before you finally got comfortable enough to sleep. Maybe Dwight had gotten something into Simon’s head to keep him away from you. Either way you were scared and woke up plenty of times throughout the night.

A few hours in you had heard the sound of your bed squeaking which awakened you. The weight shifted on your mattress and you felt your body locking up. The warmth of someone was over you and you felt your heart start to pound inside of your chest. This had to be Simon returning to get from you what he had wanted earlier. You were shaking and when you felt the sensation of fingertips over your stomach, you quickly brought your fist out and hit at the person over you. The sound of a groan filled the air and you shifted quickly to flick on the light. Reaching for the knife, you heard the swearing and looked over your should to see Negan holding his face.

“Damn baby, what the fuck was that for?” Negan’s deep voice filled your ears and he lifted his eyes to meet yours. When his hazel eyes stared into yours, you dropped the knife and shot up in the bed to wrap your arms around him.

“Am I dreaming?” you cried feeling his arms embracing you like he was never going to let go. He squeezed you tightly and you fell in closer to his chest. “They told me you were dead. They said you were gone…and I just…”

“They still think I am,” Negan explained with a heavy breath. His lips pressed soft kisses over the side of your neck and you clung tightly to him. Negan tried to hush you as you continued crying and he hummed against the side of your neck. You couldn’t help yourself with how you felt. He was everything to you and you were convinced he was gone. “I told you baby, you weren’t going to lose me. Not that easily.”

“I thought you were gone forever,” you pulled away and Negan’s hands cupped your face in his. He wiped at your tears and you saw his eyes misting over. “You were so pissed at me that you didn’t sleep with me that night and you left without saying goodbye. I thought the last thing we would have with each other was our fight and…”

“Shhh….” Negan tried to calm you down, moving in to kiss you over and over again. You could tell that he had gotten hurt pretty good while he was out there. “I’m sorry; I was so fucking wrong for that. I should have said goodbye. I am so sorry…”

Negan reached down to caress over your slightly swelled abdomen before crawling down your body to cuddle his head up against it. You caressed your fingers through his hair and heard him talking to your abdomen. He was whispering promises of always being there for your baby and never leaving you.

“Negan…” you silenced him and he looked up at you with his big hazel eyes, “This time you almost didn’t come back Negan. I can’t make it here without you.”

“You can. You would take care of our baby and yourself if the time came for it, but I’m not leaving you,” Negan hushed you and he moved up to rest his forehead against yours. This Negan was much more intimate and loving than the last one you had been around. Almost like he had realized what he almost lost and cherished it so much more now. “I love you so much. You know that, right?”

“I love you too,” you brushed your fingers through his hair and heard him breathing heavily. You wanted to stay positive, but you needed him to know what happened. “I almost attacked you because I thought you were Simon. He tried…he almost raped me earlier. Claimed that everything that was yours was his now…”

“Simon did what?” Negan pulled back and away from you, his eyes searching yours for a long moment. He was angry and you could tell that it stuck with him. “Did he…did he manage…?”

“I was able to stop him, but if I wouldn’t have…it would have happened,” you answered and Negan’s entire body locked up. “Negan, both Simon and Dwight…”

“Sh...right now, let’s focus on us. You and I,” Negan urged you to look at him as he moved in over you and leaned you back against the bed. “I know what you are trying to tell me, but I’m going to deal with all of that tomorrow. I promise Simon won’t know what hit him, but right now I want to relax with you and our baby…”

“I’m alright with that,” you hummed feeling him wrapping his arm around you when he laid down beside you. His head cuddled up to your neck and you found yourself scared that you were dreaming. You were so sure that Negan was dead and now that he was here holding onto you made you terrified that it was all going to end soon.

“I want to have three kids,” Negan randomly whispered against your flesh making you laugh and he lifted his head up to look you over. “You don’t like the idea of that?”

“We’ve had a hard enough time as it is with this pregnancy, I don’t know if I could do another,” you informed him and he rest his forehead against yours again. “I think it’s going to be a trip just getting to the end of this one Negan. When the baby is out, I’m going to be relieved.”

“I can’t wait to hold them in my arms,” Negan stated with a happy sound and you smiled brightly. “I can’t wait to read to them and tell them stories.”

“I love you so much,” you muttered, knowing that you had said it a thousand times, but you needed him to know it. You thought you had lost him and now with him here, you just wanted to make sure that you got every little bit in. The fear of losing him was there and you needed to make sure that the two of you were never like that again.

The both of you laid together all night and Negan had fallen asleep not long after he had laid down with you. You had talked about your child and the names that he had liked. It was clear that there were some names he really loved and was insistent upon. The name Angel wasn’t really something you thought you would want to name your daughter if you had one, but you agreed that you would think of something similar if the time came and you had a daughter. It was nice to talk about something that wasn’t stressful for once. Negan seemed excited about the future with your baby and his excitement was something that you were happy with. It was rare to see him excited and to see him smile about something that had to do with your life with him.

When the morning came, Negan was back to being Negan. He had to be the boss in charge, but when he got up he made sure to kiss you over and over again. He’d said goodbye in the morning when he got up to go get things done and then came back to only kiss you again. Whatever had happened to Negan during the time he was gone had changed the way he was acting toward you. He didn’t talk much about what happened other than Rick tried to kill him and put emphasis on tried. Other than that he just kind of let the idea linger for you to fill in the pieces.

Negan had kept you updated on the things he was planning on doing today. You were scared about him going head to head with Simon. The fear that Simon would win was there. When Negan took out the Saviors that had aligned themselves with Simon there was a sense of relief, but the fight that Negan had come to tell you about terrified you. He promised you that he knew he could take on Simon and win, but Simon was bigger. Simon was angrier. You wanted to be at the fight to see it, but Negan had asked you not to be there in case it went wrong. You told him you would agree to it, but before the fight you had snuck down in the back.

Your body was shaking as you watched Simon going off about Negan before the fight. Negan was strangely calm and collected. It wasn’t something you had expected from Negan. Not after all he had been through. When the fight started with Simon’s cheap shot you felt your heart pounding inside of your chest. You tried to stay still as you watched Negan getting hit over and over again. You wanted to step forward, but you knew that everyone was frozen in the main room. They were watching the fight and if you interrupted it, you knew that it would only cause trouble. You wanted to say something, but knew it was impossible.

The grunts and the groans from Negan and Simon were heard and you wished this was all a dream that you would wake up from. There was a time where Simon was actually your friend and it seemed like everything was headed in the right direction, but now you knew that was wrong. You knew that was nothing but a false fantasy, a façade.

When Negan knocked Simon to the floor and you heard the things he was saying to Simon about having to kill everyone, you felt your body go limp. Had Simon’s decisions really altered Negan’s morals that much that he was deciding to kill everyone instead of making the point he had wanted to all along? That wasn’t Negan. Killing everyone wasn’t his motto. When you heard the crunching of Simon’s neck, you flinched and looked away. You were happy that Negan had won after all you had gone through with Simon. It was finally over, but you didn’t find yourself happy and you didn’t know why.

When Negan stood up and made a smart remark, you watched him make eye contact with you and his eyes widened. He moved across the room and when the Saviors parted for him to get through, he reached for your hand and pulled you with him back up the stairs toward his office. No one was saying anything. They were silent. Unlikely sure of what to do after the fight with Simon was over. Negan closed the door and began to pace as you stood there before him.

“It was the right thing to do,” Negan insisted, looking to you with a heavy inhale. His face was still red and the bruising done from the fight was beginning to show on his face. “After all he had done, it doesn’t matter if he was my best friend before all of this…”

“Negan,” you tried to step forward and Negan let out an angry sound, reaching out to hit the chair that was beside him. It hit the ground in a thud and you jumped back. You didn’t know what to say. He was upset and it was clear.

“Why did he do this?” Negan snapped looking to you as he continued to pace. He reached up to tug through his hair in a tense manner before dropping to his knees. He hunched over and you heard him let out a scream while his body shook. Moving over to him, you instinctively dropped down and wrapped your arms around him as you heard him start to cry. “After all we’d been through, he was my fucking friend and I just…fucking killed him. This isn’t what I wanted. This isn’t what was supposed to happen.”

“Negan,” you tried to comfort him, finding yourself shocked with the outburst of him having to kill Simon. You pulled his head in close to your chest as he got lost in himself with emotions of having to kill his former friend. The man that he had trusted the most with things had slowly become his enemy. You understood it and you found yourself at a loss on how to help him.

“It’s what he deserved right? After killing all those innocent men and children, this is what he deserves,” Negan tried to convince himself as he wiped at his face and shook his head. “He got Saviors killed; he tried to hurt you and tried to kill me…”

“It would have been you dead if you hadn’t,” you assured him and he nodded, before his head fell back against your chest again and you felt him shaking in your arms.

“I have to get things done, I have to…” Negan tried to get up, but you pulled him back to you and held him tightly to your body. “I have to be the leader. I have to make things right…”

“Take care of yourself for a minute. You need some space and some time to cool down sweetheart,” you tried to assure him and he looked out at you with his hazel eyes. He nodded and leaned further into your arms while you kissed at the top of his head. He stretched his long legs out and let you comfort him. It wasn’t something that either of you were used to, but it was something both of you needed. It was often the opposite positioning between the two of you and it was nice to be different for a change.

“Why am I so sad? I won, I should be happy. After all he’s done,” Negan tried to reason with himself, unsure of what to say and what to do. “I should be happy.”

“He was your friend Negan. It’s the thought of what could have been that eats away at you,” you explained, tracing your fingers throughout his hair as he looked up at you from where he was resting in your arms on the floor. “You think about what you could have been and that’s what breaks your heart the most.”

“Nothing is turning out to be the way I thought it would be,” Negan sighed heavily, his eyes drifting off and it was clear he was caught inside of his own head. “I wish I could have been the man you deserved. The one that took you away and could keep you safe. The one that could give you the perfect family and the perfect husband. I’ve fucked up your life just as much as I’ve fucked up mine. You would have been so much better off without me.”

“I don’t want to picture a life without you,” you explained knowing that while he was right, the idea of a life without Negan now haunted you. You loved him, no matter the pain that he caused. “I want to be with you for the rest of my life.”

“I have hurt you, I will continue to hurt you,” he began and you hushed him, tipping down to press a quick, loving kiss against his rough lips. “I love you…you have to know that. I know I have said things and done things, but after all of this…no matter what happens, I see you. I think of you and I want to be with you.”

“You know I love you Negan, that’s not even a thought you have to question,” you caressed over the side of his rough face.

There was a silence between the two of you as he caressed his hand over yours. You held him for a little while longer until he urged you to come with him. You stood back when he dealt with Dwight. You felt no remorse for Dwight. Not after everything that had happened. You wondered if things had really gotten so bad inside of yourself that you didn’t care what happened to him after everything he had done to Negan. You knew that Negan was keeping him alive and you agreed with that decision, but other than that outcome you could care less.

When you were outside with Negan overseeing some of the crops that people were working on, you had caught the tail end of Negan on the radio with Michonne. You heard the things he had said, but you had also seen the look on his face. He was saying one thing and his expressions were saying another. Was he trying to convince Michonne that he was a cold hearted monster or himself? Why he decided that it had to be him that was the awful person really drove you wild. You wanted to question his decisions you wanted to say something, but you knew otherwise. Not after everything that had happened.

When Negan had told you about his plans of surrounding Rick’s people and how he was going to end things, you didn’t agree with it. In fact when you had laid with Negan the night before he had prepared to leave, you found yourself awake at night thinking about it. It was something that was a big decision. Wanting to kill everyone, that wasn’t Negan and the choice he was making sounded very much like someone else. What had changed to make him feel this way? Why did he think it had to be done?

Sitting up in bed, you looked over at Negan who was lying beside you, fully clothed in everything, but his leather jacket. His eyes turned to look at you and you could tell that he hadn’t been able to sleep either.

“Run away with me. None of this has to happen,” you begged and Negan’s Adam’s apple bounced in his throat. “Run away with me. Let’s find something. It’s a scary thought of not knowing what is going to happen for us, but I have a horrible feeling Negan. If we want to go through with this, it’s going to end badly.”

“I will win Y/N,” Negan reminded you of his confidence and you shook your head. “I know I will.”

“You don’t though. You are trying to convince yourself that this is who you are. That you are supposed to be this monster that kills everyone, but it’s not you. This isn’t you. Your plans go through when you think like you. There are minor problems, but this…this is against everything you are. People are a resource,” you reminded him of his own saying and Negan’s throat tensed while he watched you emotionless from the bed. “We’ll find a home somewhere. Maybe we can start our own farm. We’ll have the baby and we can be together. It’s scary, but I know we can do it. We can live peacefully, Carl was right. We can fix this. We can become something different. There can be peace in this world.”

“There will never be peace,” Negan shook his head and you felt your heart breaking while you pled for something more. “They want me dead. If I ran away…if we ran away…they’d find me. They wouldn’t care if I gave up this life. At least here we have a fighting chance.”

“Negan…I want to wake up with you every morning. I want you to be able to hold your child, I want us to have that family I know we are capable of having. Please don’t give up on that,” you whimpered and felt tears swelling at your eyes. “This…this isn’t what you wanted.”

“It’s not, but I have to finish what I started,” Negan nodded, shrugging his shoulders. “This has to end and there is only one way this ends.”

“Please Negan, I’m begging you,” you frowned and tried to reach out for his hand. He let you hold onto it, but his expression didn’t change. “Please don’t do this today. Don’t go out there, it will not go the way you think it will.”

“Nothing you will say is changing what’s happening today,” Negan answered and it was clear that his mind was made up. You got up from the bed and paced in his room while he watched you from where he was laying on the bed. “I’m sorry you are upset, but…”

“You know this is wrong. If you thought this was right, you would be sleeping through the night,” you explained, feeling an ache in your abdomen, but you reached down to place your hand over your swollen stomach. “I’ve seen you kill people and you slept straight through the night. You didn’t care because that’s what you thought you had to do. Now, you don’t think it is. What happens if you do win? Are you ever going to be able to sleep knowing what you’ve done? What if you lose? What if you leave us all alone?”

Negan said nothing, his eyebrows tensing together and the blank stare he was giving you made your heart break. After all you had been through you thought that maybe you would have been able to convince him from doing this.

You had left him alone and left his room. He was in there a while before getting troops together. Negan hadn’t said much to you when you were getting prepared to leave. He had wanted you to come with. To keep you safe, but ordered you stay in one of the vehicles when everything was happening. Negan had kissed you once before you had left, but nothing was said. You didn’t even want to acknowledge that today was real. That today was happening, but it was.

When Negan was out on that hill with the Saviors having everyone surrounded, you watched from the car. Everything seemed to be going right until the popping sounds filled the air and you watched Saviors start to drop like flies. Your heart pounded in your chest when you watched Negan take off and you quickly moved from the car. You were right in having the reaction and fear that you did. Something was wrong and it was very wrong.

Going to move up the hill you felt someone grabbing a tight hold of your arm and looked over to see that it was Daryl behind you. His angry blue eyes were staring into yours while you watched Negan and Rick talking things out. When you watched Negan lower the bat and seemingly listen to Rick, you hoped that this was over. That Negan was going to agree to peace, but when you watched Rick’s hand swing out and the jolting of Negan’s body when Rick had used a broken piece of glass to cut Negan’s throat you tried to get away from Daryl’s grasp. You screamed out watching Negan fall to his knees and grasp at his neck. When the blood started seeping through his fingers you felt like the whole world was spinning around you. You wanted to vomit. You wanted to scream and cry, but Daryl was holding you so tight that there was no where you could go. This all felt like a horrible nightmare. You had gotten Negan back to only lose him again so quickly.

When you heard Rick order to save Negan, you didn’t know what much saving could be done. He was bleeding out in the middle of the grassed area and when you heard Maggie screaming for him to be killed you desperately tried to get away from Daryl. Rick looked to you when he passed you being held back by Daryl.

“Let me go,” you pled with Daryl who kept his arms firmly around your body. You fought with him to the best of your ability before finally being able to pull from his arms. You ran to Negan and slid down beside him on the grass. The new doctor was beside him ordering others to do certain things, but all you could focus on was Negan. The color was draining from his face, the blood soaking the grass beside him. Negan’s hand lifted, his fingers shakily reaching out for you and you grabbed them. Negan’s blood was soaking your fingertips and you heard him gurgling.

“I’m sorry,” Negan’s eyes met yours and you watched Negan’s eyes close. You tried to grasp onto him, but people were picking him up and carrying him away after whatever Alexandria’s doctor had done. Once again you felt an arm wrapping around you to pull you up from the ground. Your hands were stained in Negan’s blood and when you looked back to see who was behind you, you saw Rick’s blue eyes staring into yours.

“You’re coming with us,” he informed you, waving for someone to take you with them. Rick gave you one final glance before walking away and leaving you alone to the strangers that surrounded you and led you to one of the cars. Whatever Rick had planned, he had set it in motion after attacking Negan.

---

Looking down to your hands, you shifted shakily on the bed that used to be yours when you lived at Alexandria. When you had returned they had taken you to where you had previously lived. So much had burned down, but there were still homes that were up and put together. You were surprised that your old home was one of them.

They had locked you into your old room and left you the way you were. Your hands were still bloody, your face soaked with the tears of which you cried thinking of Negan and his lifeless body that they had carried away.

It had been so long since they had left you in here. You were alone to your thoughts. To the memory of the last thing you saw with Negan and you felt your body shaking. Your life was a mystery and now with the possibility of Negan gone, you didn’t know what to do with yourself.

The sound of the doorknob turning was heard and you looked up to see Rick moving into the room. Behind him was Daryl who moved toward the corner of the room and Rick stepped before you. He dropped down to his knees and reached out for your hands, looking them over.

“We need to get you cleaned up, someone should have been in here already,” Rick’s southern drawl filled the air and you looked away from him. You were uncomfortable with the man who has slit Negan’s throat and likely had taken away the man you loved. “You shouldn’t have the blood as a constant reminder.”

“Leave it on her for a little while longer, I think it will do her some good,” Daryl snarled from where he was at the corner of the room. Rick looked over his shoulder and glanced back at Daryl, but you expected these comments. Daryl had no problem with trying to kill you before; it was only a matter of time before you assumed he would do it again.

“Is he dead?” you stammered and Rick’s jaw clenched. He twitched and shifted with an uncomfortable motion. It was all that had been swirling in your mind. Was the man you loved dead? You just needed to know. You had to know. “Is he dead?”

“No, he’s alive…for now,” Rick answered, his head nodding as he kneeled before you. “We need to ask you something…”

There was a silence that filled the room as you looked up to Daryl who was clearly pissed to be there in the first place. You were uncomfortable. Why they had brought you there was beyond you and you just wished they would tell you what their plans with you were.

“How many walkers have you killed?” Rick repeated the question they had asked you when you first arrived in Alexandra. You felt safer then answering these questions after Daryl had saved your life and brought you there.

“Why are you asking me this? You don’t want me here,” you insisted with a shake of your head and Rick, lowered down on his knees. His hands reached out for yours and you felt uncomfortable with him holding onto your hands in a comforting way. After what he had done to the man you loved, you didn’t want to trust this man or feel comforted by him in any way. “Why are you even…”

“Answer the question,” Rick insisted, his blue eyes looking up at you with a seriousness behind them.

“Too many to count,” you replied thinking back to all of the walkers you had taken out over time. “You know that. The count has gotten higher since the last time…”

“How many people have you killed?” Rick asked the question. The question you knew that would hit you right where it would hurt. You never wanted to kill people. It was something you and Negan had disagreed heavily on and something that had hurt your relationship with Negan in the past. Your heart ached at the question and you felt tears swelling in your eyes again. “How many?”

“Two,” you answered honestly, refusing to look Rick in the eyes while his hands squeezed around yours. “Two people.”

“Why?” Daryl snapped from where he was and he stepped forward. It was like the empathy that Rick was showing you was pissing Daryl off and you felt your body flinching when Daryl moved closer to you. You shook and felt your heart breaking at the question. “Answer why!”

“To save Negan,” you truthfully responded and pulled your hands away from Rick. You reached up to cover your face knowing that you had done it to save the man you loved and if given the chance, you would likely do it again. This in your mind made you a bad person. At least to these people it likely did.

“And that right there is why this is all such a fucking stupid idea,” Daryl spoke in a louder tone while you felt Rick reaching out to grasp at your shoulder to try and comfort you. Why this man was attempting to comfort you when you were married and in love with his enemy was flabbergasting you. “The stupid bitch killed people for him. She belongs with the Saviors. Not here. She will only try to get to him and make things worse. She will pick him over the community.”

“I know she’s a good person,” Rick insisted and you lifted your head to look at him. “Who isn’t willing to risk their life and do things for the people they love? No matter who it is they love? It’s when someone does it in cold blood that we…”

“Oh bullshit,” Daryl threw his hands up and stormed out of the room. Rick slowly stood from the ground and stood before you. It was clear that they were disagreeing heavily on what to do with you, but Rick seemed to keep his composure on everything.

“We’re going to let you stay here. You’re pregnant, we have a doctor here. Well, he’s close to a doctor, his name is Siddiq. He’ll take good care of you and the baby,” Rick nodded to your stomach and he swallowed down hard. “We’re not going to let anything bad happen to you. For a while, we’re going to have someone watching over you. Make sure that you…”

“Aren’t planning to set fire to the place?” you confirmed and Rick tilted his head to the side. “I understand.”

“It’s probably for the best if you stay to yourself as well for a while,” Rick explained. “The people here aren’t as understanding of Negan’s people. It will take some time.”

“Why are you doing this?” you found yourself confused as Rick motioned you to stand up. You slowly followed him to the bathroom where he urged you to wash your hands. He had gotten some clothes together for you and requested you take a shower to try and clean yourself from Negan’s blood. “Rick?”

“I remember you,” Rick answered watching you closely. “Carl liked you. Carl talked about you after coming back from The Sanctuary. Mentioned you being in love with Negan, but being the same girl. He had faith in you…therefore I do too.”

You closed your eyes thinking about Rick’s son and the last time you had seen him, “Carl believed in something more. He believed in forgiveness and starting over…I think this is what Carl would want. With everything that you are going through, this is what my son would ask me to do.”

Rick promised that he would stand outside in the hallway to block you in the shower while you cleaned up to keep you safe. When in the shower you found yourself crying while you watched the swirling of Negan’s blood at your feet. The image of him getting his throat cut played over and over again in your head. You wished that you could have saved him. That you could have convinced him to run away with you, but you didn’t. Was this your fault?

When you finished with the shower, you moved out and Rick reached for your bloody clothes and nodded back toward the bedroom, “Can I see him?”

“I don’t think that’s a good idea,” Rick smirked and shook his head. “He’s not woken up, I’m not sure that’s the kind of state you want to see him in. Plus, you seeing him…”

“Please,” you begged and Rick shook his head. Your eyes were full of tears and he could tell that you had cried to yourself in the shower. There was a sadness over his features and he nodded toward your things.

“Try and get some sleep,” Rick urged you, his southern accent filling your ears. “You and your baby need it. I will make sure that someone is here to keep you safe until people understand.”

“Are you going to kill him?” You called out and Rick stopped at the door to look back at you. He shifted on his feet and shook his head. “Then what are you doing with him?”

There was a silence and it seemed like he was having a war within himself on whether he wanted to tell you things or not, “Please Rick.”

“We’re going to keep him alive. They started building a cell for him. He will serve as a reminder to people that if they try to do something like this, they will end up like him,” Rick explained with a frown. “He will rot inside of a cell for the rest of his life.”

Your heart ached hearing his final words when he gave you a last look and left you alone in your room after closing the door. The idea that Negan was going to rot inside of a cell broke you. You thought of having a future with him and your baby. Now that you were here, you realized that was a dream you were never going to have anymore. Something that the two of you planned, but were never going to get because of what he did. The two of you had a wonderful time talking about the future the two of your could have with children, but after what happened, that was nothing, but false hope and a hopefully fantasy.

The last time you were in here was with Negan when the two of you had slept together. It was after a fight and now after everything that had happened this all felt so silly. You had a hard time believing Negan was alive. It could have been something that they had been telling you to keep you calm. The sight of Negan’s blood on your hands continued to swirl in your mind and sleep was not an option. Someone getting their throat cut open like that could not have survived. You couldn’t even begin to imagine it.

Days had passed and you had barely left that room unless it was to eat, use the restroom or to take a shower. You had interacted with several people. Aaron, Siddiq and Eugene were a few of the constants. Eugene was making his rounds to try and apologize to you for what he had done. He was the hero for Alexandria, so why he felt the need to apologize to you felt ridiculous. You didn’t want to talk to him though. In fact you refused and you figured that’s why he kept trying. You blamed him partially for what happened to Negan. Rick would occasionally stop in to see you, but it was never for long.

This night while you were sitting in your bed, staring out at the window, you heard the sound of someone opening your door and you lifted your head to look out. Rick was standing at your door and he looked conflicted. He waved his fingers at you to get up and motioned you to follow him. You moved through the house quietly as Rick had instructed you. Following him across the street, you followed him up to a room and when Rick pushed open the door you saw Negan’s tall, slender body stretched out on the bed. His wrists were handcuffed to the bed, his eyes were closed and a bandage covered both his hand and his neck. You went to move into the room, but Rick stopped you before you could.

“You get twenty minutes. Don’t try anything, but…” Rick went to say something more before nodding for you to move forward. You quickly moved into the room and moved beside the bed. Your hand slid into the one that wasn’t injured and you held tightly onto it.

Negan’s chest was rising and falling slowly, his breathing filling the air and you found yourself amazed that he was still alive. Especially after what Rick had done. You lifted your head to see Rick staring at you from the partially opened door, but you didn’t care if you were being watched. You tipped in to press a kiss over Negan’s hand and heard him let out a tight breath.

“Y/N?” Negan’s eyes fluttered open slowly and when his eyes met yours he tried to pull himself up and winced when he tried to lift up off the bed. You hushed him and got up to sit at the edge of the bed and reached out to brush your fingertips throughout his hair.

“Relax,” you urged him seeing the pain spread across his face while you caressed over his flesh. “You have no idea how happy I am to see you right now.”

“I’m sorry,” Negan’s bottom lip quivered and his deep voice was now rasp clearly from what happened. “I should have listened to you…I should have…”

“Stop…” you shook your head not wanting him to hurt himself anymore when the tears pressed in over the corners of his eyes. “It’s okay.”

“You were right,” Negan nodded slowly and you reached for his hand, hooking your fingers with his. You didn’t think he realized that Rick was there watching the two of you, but his emotions had your heart aching. “I was wrong. I thought I was doing right by you…for our family…”

“Baby, don’t,” you heard him wincing in pain and you looked to the water that they had on the nightstand beside the bed. You pulled it close to his lips and watched him take a hefty drink before lowering his head back down. “I’m just happy you’re alive. That’s all that matters.”

“I’ve ruined your life,” Negan muttered and you felt your body shaking. You should have been more upset, but just knowing that he was alive was all that mattered to you. “I’m sorry.”

“I know,” you shook your head and heard him crying. “It’s okay.”

“It’s not,” Negan snorted, his eyes looking away from you while you were clearly upset as well. You tried caressing over his damp cheek and it was clear he was embarrassed with his emotions. “I was wrong. I wish I would have listened.”

“Can I stay with him tonight?” you begged looking back toward the door knowing that Rick was there. “I promise I won’t do anything. You can keep someone on the door, but please just let me lay in here with him tonight.”

“Y/N, I don’t…” Rick watched you look to Negan and you shot him a pleading look. Rick nodded and you carefully kicked out of your shoes before crawling into the bed with him. Negan swallowed heavily while he tried to adjust his body enough with the handcuffs still on his wrist. You carefully cuddled up next to Negan and softly laid your head over his chest to hear the pounding of his heart against your ear. You relished in the sound and heard Rick moving back into the room. “Don’t get used to this; it’s a onetime thing.”

“Thank you,” you muttered and Rick looked to you before glancing to Negan with disgust. This was for you and certainly not Negan, but you were thankful for it. Rick moved out of the room and left you with Negan. He didn’t lie in saying that he would send someone to watch, he did, but it didn’t bother you.

All that mattered was Negan was alive and you were still with him.

#Jeffrey Dean Morgan #Negan #negan x reader #negan fanfiction #twd fanfiction #the walking dead #my writing #the walking dead fanfic #Negan's thirst squad

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ao3feed-darylxcarol · 4 years

Text

The Walking Dead Imagines (Daryl, Rick, Shane, Glenn, Carl, Negan, etc.)

read it on the AO3 at https://ift.tt/2F5ciSG

by lovelyclaire45609

Reader imagines to be immersed into the world of TWD.

Pairings can be requested.

Requests are OPEN!

Words: 444, Chapters: 1/1, Language: English

Fandoms: The Walking Dead (TV), The Walking Dead & Related Fandoms, The Walking Dead (Comics), The Walking Dead Series - Robert Kirkman & Jay Bonansinga, The Walking Dead (Web Series)

Rating: Teen And Up Audiences

Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death

Categories: F/F, F/M, M/M

Characters: Rick Grimes, Lori Grimes, Daryl Dixon, Merle Dixon, Dale Horvath, Andrea (Walking Dead), Amy (Walking Dead), Shane Walsh, Glenn Rhee, Maggie Greene, Beth Greene, Hershel Greene, Rosita Espinosa, Sasha Williams (Walking Dead), Tyreese Williams, Carol Peletier, Abraham Ford, Eugene Porter, Gabriel Stokes, Siddiq (Walking Dead), Deanna Monroe, Spencer Monroe, Jadis (Walking Dead), Negan (Walking Dead), Simon (Walking Dead: Saviors), Dwight (Walking Dead), Carl Grimes, Judith Grimes, Michonne (Walking Dead), Aaron (Walking Dead), Jesus (Walking Dead), Morgan Jones, Tara Chambler, Alpha (Walking Dead: Whisperers), Beta (Walking Dead), Enid (Walking Dead), Philip Blake | The Governor, Ezekiel (Walking Dead), Sophia Peletier, Denise Cloyd, Lizzie Samuels, Mika Samuels, Lydia (Walking Dead), Gregory (Walking Dead: Hilltop), Alden (Walking Dead), Theodore "T-Dog" Douglas, Morales (Walking Dead), Arat (Walking Dead), Noah (Walking Dead: Grady Memorial Hospital), Dawn Lerner, Gareth (Walking Dead), Jessie Anderson (Walking Dead), Ron Anderson, Sam Anderson (Walking Dead), Randall Culver, Bob Stookey, Aiden Monroe, Nicholas (Walking Dead: Alexandria), Yumiko (Walking Dead), Jerry (Walking Dead: Kingdom), Luke (Walking Dead: Magna's Group), Magna (Walking Dead), Kelly (Walking Dead: Magna's Group), Connie (Walking Dead), Daryl Dixon's Dog, Cyndie (Walking Dead: Oceanside), Natania (Walking Dead: Oceanside), Walkers (The Walking Dead), The Wolves (Walking Dead), Henry (Walking Dead: Kingdom), Rodney (Walking Dead: Hilltop), Gage (Walking Dead), Addy (Walking Dead: Hilltop), E. Eastman (Walking Dead), Earl Sutton, Kenneth Sutton, Patrick (Walking Dead), Patricia (Walking Dead: Greene Farm), Paula (Walking Dead: Saviors), Tammy Rose (Walking Dead), Walking Dead Characters

Relationships: Daryl Dixon/You, Rick Grimes/You, Shane Walsh/You, Aaron (Walking Dead)/You, Carl Grimes/You, Negan (Walking Dead)/You, Rosita Espinosa/Siddiq, Rosita Espinosa/Gabriel Stokes, Rosita Espinosa/Eugene Porter/Siddiq/Gabriel Stokes, Ezekiel/Carol Peletier, Daryl Dixon/Carol Peletier, Rick Grimes/Michonne, Lori Grimes/Rick Grimes, Lori Grimes/Shane Walsh, Carl Grimes/Enid, Jesus (Walking Dead)/You

Additional Tags: Inspired by The Walking Dead, Negan Being Negan (Walking Dead), Kid Judith Grimes, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Smut, Drama, Drama & Romance, Hurt/Comfort, Pain, Blood and Gore, Blood and Injury, Blood and Violence, Minor Character Death, Character Death

read it on the AO3 at https://ift.tt/2F5ciSG

#IFTTT #ao3feed #fanfic #The Walking Dead

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sourwolf-sterek32 · 6 years

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You’re Not Alone Pt. 2 ( Daryl Dixon x Reader )

Summary: The reader and Daryl have started to settle into life at Alexandria, but once the group runs into the Saviours and more specifically Negan, your way of life as you know it will change forever. While the universe seems to be set on pulling you and Daryl apart, how far are you willing to go to get back to each other and make things right?

This series picks up during the Season 6 finale and follows the basic story line up till the Season 8 finale, through yours and Daryl’s eyes.

(Spoilers for Season 8 of TWD)

Parings: Daryl Dixon x Reader

Word Count: 3,894

Warnings: Language, violence, mild descriptions of blood and gore, slight references to a miscarriage (this can be a sensitive topic for some, so please do not read if you feel it might upset you, look after yourself guys).

Chapter 4:

The sun was slowly rising by the time the RV returned, pulling up where it was parked a few hours ago. You knew Rick was still alive when you heard him breathing heavily as Negan dragged him back out the RV, dumping him out in front of the group.

"Here we are. Let me ask you something, Rick. Do you even know what that little trip was about? Speak when you're spoken to." Negan ordered causing you to look up at the two of them as you watched the next few minutes unfold around you. You weren't really paying much attention, too focused on the pain in your stomach, but you knew everyone had a gun to the back of their head and when you looked up over at Rick and Negan you saw Carl lying on the ground with Rick holding his axe above his arm. Oh no.

"Rick." Negan suddenly said just he was about to cut Carl's arm and you heard everyone around you sigh softly with relief before Negan began talking again. "You answer to me. You provide for me. You belong to me, right? Speak when you're spoken to! You answer to me. You provide for me. You belong to me, right?!" Negan yelled as he grabbed Ricks jaw who quickly nodded.

"Right." Rick gasped as Negan let him go standing up to look over at the rest of you.

"That is the look I wanted to see. We did it all of us, together even the dead guys on the ground. Hell, they get the spirit award, for sure. Today was a productive damn day! Now, I hope, for all your sake that you get it now that you understand how things work. Things have changed. Whatever you had going for you that is over now." Negan stated as his eyes scanned over the group of you before he stopped at Daryl.

"Dwight, load him up." Negan ordered pointing his bat at Daryl and you stared in absolute shock as Dwight grabbed Daryl by the shoulders pushing him towards the van.

"No!" You screamed sitting up slightly straighter as you watched Dwight shove Daryl into the back of the van. "Don't! Please. Take me instead. No! Daryl!" You shouted, tears pouring down your cheeks, but you could see Daryl shaking his head from inside the van telling you shut up as Dwight slammed the doors shut.

"He's got guts. Not a little bitch like someone I know. I like him. He's mine now. But you still want to try something? 'Not today, not tomorrow?' I will cut pieces off of... Hell's his name?" Negan questioned, kneeling next to Rick as he looked over at Simon.

"Daryl." The man replied, and Negan chuckled.

"Wow. That actually sounds right. I will cut pieces off of Daryl and put them on your doorstep. Or better yet, I will bring him to you and have you do it for me." Negan said as he patted Rick on the back before standing up looking over at all of you. "Ahh! Welcome to a brand-new beginning, you sorry shits! I'm gonna leave you a truck. Keep it. Use it to cart all the crap you're gonna find me. We'll be back for our first offering in one week. Until then ta-ta." Negan said as he threw Rick's axe onto the ground before he and his men all climbed into various cars, driving off leaving nothing but a truck and the RV for you.

Nobody moved. You glanced over at the group for a second, everyone sitting on the ground with their heads down, still trying to process what just happened. You moved slightly so you were sitting down on your side, leaning on your right arm as you wrapped your left one around your stomach trying to dull the cramping pain coming from abdomen. They took Daryl. He's gone...

"Maggie... Maggie." You heard Rick call causing you to look up to find her slowly walking towards Glen's body. She looked so pale and weak, but you were glad she didn't have the fever or pain anymore. "Maggie you need to sit down. We need to get you to the Hilltop." Rick said as he stood up walking over to her.

"You need to get ready." Maggie replied in a broken voice as she continued walking towards Glen.

"For what?" Rick asked as he watched her cautiously.

"To fight them." She replied as Rick reached her side with a sad expression.

"They have Daryl. They have an army. We would die, all of us." Rick said softly but Maggie shook her head as you looked away, unable to watch the conversation anymore.

"Go home. Take everybody with you. I can get there myself." You heard Maggie say.

"You can barely stand up." Rick responded.

"You need to go to Alexandria. You were out here for me. I can make it now. I can't have you out here. I can't have you all out here anymore. I need you to go back." Maggie sobbed as a tear rolled down your cheek hearing the pain in her voice. She just lost her husband and now her baby is going to grow up without a father... You just lost your husband too but he's still alive, he has to be still alive, but God knows what Negan is doing to him.

"Maggie, we're not letting you go." Michonne's voice said as you stared at the ground unable to move.

"You have to." She replied before Rick spoke again.

"It's not gonna happen."

You heard someone stand up from your left, but you didn't look to see who. "I'm taking her. I'm gonna get her there. I'm gonna keep her safe. I'm not giving you a choice." Sasha's voice said.

"I'm taking him with me." Maggie replied, her voice breaking at the end causing you to cry silently, hoping nobody noticed. You could hear the others all begin to move as they carried Glen and Abraham over to the truck, but you couldn't move. The cramping in your stomach almost too much to handle, the thought of losing your baby and the thought of Daryl being tortured by Negan kept you frozen where sat, unable to move.

"Y/N." Someone said softly as they crouched down next to you touching your shoulder gently, snapping you out of your thoughts. You looked up to find Carl kneeling next to you and you couldn't help the stray tears that fell from your eyes as the boy pulled you in for a hug. "Y/N, we have to go." He whispered and you nodded knowing he was right, but as you tried to move the pain flared through your abdomen causing you to quickly stop with a wince as you grabbed your stomach. Carl watched in worry not knowing what to do as you felt something wet between your thighs. What the hell?

In confusion you placed your hands on your thighs over the wet patch in your jeans and your heart dropped when you saw blood on your fingers.

"Dad! Y/N's bleeding." He suddenly shouted, his eyes wide with panic and you both knew what it meant. No, I can't lose this baby. I can't lose both Daryl and our baby.

In a split-second Rick dropped to his knees in front of you, his red brimmed eyes looking over you trying to find the injury his son was talking about and you could pinpoint the exact moment he saw what he was referring to. He froze staring at the blood on your jeans, obviously realising what was happening but you had a feeling that it was too late, your baby was gone.

"Sasha is taking Maggie to Hilltop, you need to go there too." Rick said softly, and you nodded letting Carl and Rick help you up as they slowly walked you towards the truck.

"I'll get them to Hilltop, you guys get back to Alexandria." Sasha said over her shoulder as Rick helped you sit down on the back seat as Maggie sat in the passenger seat.

"They took Daryl." You whispered closing your eyes and shaking your head as Rick placed his hand on your shoulder.

"Daryl is the toughest man I know, he will be okay. You need to focus on yourself and your baby. The doctor at Hilltop will make things better, Y/N." Rick replied trying to comfort you and you nodded before he shut the door as Sasha started the truck. You watched out the window as the others climbed into the RV before you drove off towards Hilltop.

You were driving for nearly an hour before the Hilltops walls came into sight. The bleeding had stop and the cramps had died down slightly which was good, but you couldn't bring yourself to be happy not when there was a chance that you might have just had a miscarriage and that Daryl wasn't here.

"Hey! Open the gates, we're from Alexandria!" Sasha shouted out the window at the guards at Hilltop before the two large gates opened as Sasha quickly drove in, parking the truck near the trailers figuring the doctor would be in one of them.

"What's happening? Are you guys alright?" Jesus' voice shouted as Sasha climbed out the truck, looking between you and Maggie, clearly unsure who she would help first.

"Take Maggie, get her to the doctor first. I'll be fine." You responded, and Sasha gave you an appreciative nod before jogging over to Maggie's passenger door and helping her out.

"What happened to her?" Jesus asked, his voice now closer as you saw him run over to the two women.

"Something was wrong with her baby, so we tried to get her here but then Negan and the Saviours came. They killed Glen and Abraham, I'm gonna burry them but she needs to see your doctor first, which trailer?" Sasha questioned, her voice shaky as she fought back tears while supporting Maggie besides her.

"Dr Carson is in the third trailer, I will show you." Jesus replied but Sasha shook her head.

"Y/N is in car, she's pregnant but the Saviours hurt her and the baby badly, help her. I can take Maggie." Sasha explained before she began walking Maggie towards the infirmary as Jesus opened your car door.

"Hey, it's going to be alright Y/N. Can you walk?" He asked and you nodded, slowly climbing out the car as Jesus grabbed your shoulder to stop you from falling over. "It's okay, let me help you." He said softly as the two of you slowly walked towards the trailer.

"What happened to her?" Dr Carson questioned as you and Jesus walked into the trailer, you looked around and spotted Maggie lying on the hospital bed, but you couldn't see Sasha, she must have already left to bury Abraham and Glen.

"She's pregnant, but got hurt. She's in pain and I think she was bleeding." Jesus answered for you and you saw Maggie sit up slightly looking over at you in worry.

"Get her onto this bed. Maggie is stable, but this woman might not be." Dr Carson suddenly said as Jesus helped you lay down on the bed. You told him to go help Sasha, she shouldn't have to bury them by herself. Jesus didn't want to leave you, not while you were like this, but you insisted, and he reluctantly listened and left to help Sasha.

You watched the doctor as checked your vitals and he told you that you were okay, but he wasn't sure about the baby. "How far along are you?"

"Two, three months maybe." You guessed, and he nodded before he began to set up some sort of machine as he held something to your stomach. He glanced over the scars and fresh bruises along your stomach but didn't say anything as he began to focus on what he was doing, but after a few minutes he sighed.

"I'm sorry Y/N, but you have had a miscarriage." Dr Carson informed, and you closed your eyes as you felt tears rising. "You should take it easy for the rest of the day though." He added as you opened your eyes and nodded unable to do anything else as you felt tears slowly dripping down your face. You wanted nothing more than for Daryl to be with you right now. You wanted to hug him, feel his strong arms wrapped around, your head resting on his chest. You wanted that. You wanted him here with you, but Negan took him from you and the Saviours took your baby from you.

"I'm so sorry Y/N." Maggie said as you sat up on the bed and you gave her a sad smile. You knew you would have been balling your eyes out right now, but your body just couldn't cry anymore, the past 24 hours had taken its toll on you.

You stayed in the infirmary with Maggie wanting to make sure she and her baby were okay. Dr Carson said there was only a small separation of the placenta from the uterus and that the baby was fine, but Maggie had to rest for the next few days.

You helped Maggie get up insisting that she rests, but she wanted to go visit Glen and you couldn't say no to her for that.

"Take it steady now, there's steps outside the door." You said opening the door as Sasha quickly sat up from the steps relieved to see the two of you up and walking.

"You guys okay?" She asked as you both walked down the steps towards her.

"Where is he? Where are they both?" Maggie asked, and Sasha nodded over her shoulder as the two of you followed her around the back of Hilltop where two graves were by the fence.

You stood back leaning against the fence giving the two women some space, you couldn't really hear what they were saying too focused on your own thoughts.

"He told me that you're gonna be alright. He said you'll just have to take it easy for the next few days." Sasha said to Maggie as you fiddled your wedding ring on your finger not knowing what to do. Sasha glanced over at you with a sympathetic smile and you knew Maggie told her that you lost your baby, but you couldn't bring yourself to say anything.

"He told me that we have to say. That we, um. He says its better if he's close, just in case, till the baby is born." Maggie replied and Sasha nodded.

"Then we'll stay." She stated, and you smiled softly as you looked down at the ground, you were glad Maggie had Sasha here to look after her because you knew you couldn't stay here. You had to go back to Alexandria, to see what Rick's plan was. He had to have a plan, we can't just work for Negan, that's no way to live and he has Daryl, we need to come up with a plan and get him back.

"It's nice to see you guys up." Jesus' voice said, and you looked up to find him walking over to Sasha and Maggie with flowers in his hand as he began to replace the old ones on the grave. "I read somewhere that blue flowers inspire strength and calming."

"What about green?" Maggie sniffled as she looked down at the flowers with a soft smile on her face.

"Release." Jesus answered placing a hand on Maggies shoulder before he looked over at you where you were still standing against the wall.

"Thank you for helping Sasha bury them here." You said nodding towards Glen and Abrahams grave, not wanting to talk about how you had lost your baby even though by the look in Jesus' eyes he knew already, but before he could say anything about it Gregory appeared.

"Thank God you're finally awake. You people said you got them all." Gregory stated as he walked over to Maggie, Sasha and Jesus but you chose to hang back for a while. You hated Gregory, he was an arrogant pig and you didn't trust him at all.

"We thought we did. It was just an outpost." Maggie replied.

"H-how many of them were there." Gregory asked as you leant your head back against the fence watching as the four of them continued talking and arguing for a few minutes. It was clear Gregory wanted no part with Alexandria, but there was no way you were gonna let him kick Maggie out.

"You can stay the night but leave in the morning." Gregory stated as he began walking off and you shook your head walking over to the group of them.

"We'll talk more about it tonight." Jesus said causing Gregory to stop and turn around.

"No, I made my decision."

"I'm just saying that maybe-" Jesus tried to say before the older man cut him off.

"Do you want to go back with them?" Gregory asked staring at him.

"I'll take them back." Jesus simply replied but Gregory shook his head.

"I meant-" Gregory began to say but this time Jesus cut him off.

"I know what you meant." He replied sternly. You were glad Jesus was on your side. When Rick and Daryl first bought him back to Alexandria you hated him for trying to steal from Daryl and Rick. But once he introduced you to Hilltop and helped you guys take out the Saviours at the satellite outpost you changed your mind about him and considered him a friend, Gregory on the other hand not so much.

"So it's settled then." Gregory stated but before he could start to walk off Sasha started talking.

"Maggie is pregnant and Y/N just had a miscarriage-" Sasha said.

"Well that's their mistakes." Gregory muttered causing you to snap, your hands balled into a fist by your side, sudden anger washing over as you ran towards him. That son of a bitch. He had no right to say!

"Y/N, don't." Jesus shouted grabbing your arms stopping you from punching Gregory just in time as you screamed in frustration glaring at the older man who looked at you for a few seconds and you knew he was intimidated by you, so you held his stare before he walked away.

"He says anything like that again I'm gonna break his fucking nose." You muttered kicking the rock by your foot in frustration as Jesus let go of you.

"I will talk to him in the morning. If you guys want I can show you were you can sleep." Jesus said but Maggie and Sasha shook their heads.

"We're going to stay here for a little bit longer." Sasha said motioning towards the graves and he nodded before looking at you.

"Sleep sounds good, I don't even care that the sun is still up." You responded, you hadn't slept much in the past 48 hours so you weren't about to decline the mans offer.

*Alexandria*

"Negan, somethin' you might wanna see." One of the Saviours called holding a video camera, walking towards Negan who was standing in the middle of the street in Alexandria taking in the large community. Rick was standing next to him while Daryl stood a few metres away, trying to look around Alexandria for any sign of you. He didn't want you to see him like this. He knew he looked awful, but there was nothing he could do about it. He was still alive and sooner or later he'll break out of the Sanctuary and get back to Alexandria, back to you. But were you okay? Was the baby okay? The Saviours hurt you. He couldn't get the image of you lying on the ground whimpering in pain while holding your stomach. Shewere in a lot of pain when Dwight pushed him into the van. Is she alright now? Where is she?

"Well, well, well. What do we have here? I got my fingers crossed for a little freaky-deaky." Negan said as he grabbed the video camera turning it on. Daryl wasn't sure what was playing on the camera and he didn't care. Where were you? You had to be here somewhere, but why hasn't she come out after hearing all the noise and the Saviours?

"Jee-hee-sus! Is that you Rick, underneath all that man-bush? I would have not messed with that guy. But that's not you anymore is it? Nope." Negan stated handing the recorder back to his man as he began to glance around Alexandria like he was trying to find something.

"Whatever happened to that badass chick, you know the one who wasn't afraid to talk back to me? She's married to Daryl, right? My men didn't beat her too badly, he only kicked her a few times, yet she looked like she was in a lot of pain. Where is she?" Negan questioned catching Daryl's attention.

"She's pregnant! And your men kicked the shit out of her!" Rick exclaimed angrily as he stared at Negan who looked almost shocked at the news.

"Shit, had I'd known that I wouldn't have let my men hurt her... or maybe I would have. Her husband did land a solid punch to my face." Negan replied as he turned around glaring at Daryl who looked down at the ground trying to calm the anger growing within him. "Where is she though? I haven't seen her yet."

"She isn't here, she went out on a supply run." Rick answered, and Daryl relaxed slightly, glad that you were safe and away from Negan.

"What about that sick girl then? That seemed like a hell of a stressful night for her. The way she was carrying on, she was married to number two, right? Careful. Careful how you're looking at me Rick." Negan warned causing Rick to quickly look away. "Widows, especially ones that look like that, they are special. I love 'em. Right after their husbands go, they are just empty inside. But usually not for long. I was nearly gonna kill Daryl, so I could get his badass wife." Negan joked with a chuckle as Daryl's hands turned into fists by his side as he took a step towards Negan who grinned. "Easy there tiger. You wouldn't want me to kill another one of these fine people here do you? Lucille here would be more than happy to."

Daryl stared at him for a few more seconds before looking back at the ground as he took a deep breath and Negan chuckled.

"I would love to see the widow. Where is she?" Negan questioned looking at Rick who didn't know what to say.

"Care to pay your respects?" Gabriel suddenly asked from behind as Negan quickly turned around.

"Ho-ly crap! You are creepy as shit, sneaking up on me, wearin' that collar with that freaky-ass smile." Negan responded pointing towards the other man.

"My apologies. I'm Father Gabriel." He replied with a smile.

"She didn't make it?" Negan asked looking back over at Rick who shook his head looking at the ground. Daryl almost believed them, but he saw the slight hesitation on Ricks face when Negan asked where Maggie was, she must be at Hilltop or something, she didn't look too good that night. Daryl thought to himself before he followed Negan and the others, silently keeping an eye out for Y/N, but he hoped she stayed out scavenging until the Saviours were gone even though he wanted nothing more than to see her. Even if it was just for a second. He would give anything to see her and hear her speak. God, he hoped she was okay.

MASTERLIST / Next Chapter

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thewalkingdead-imagines · 6 years

Text

TWD ~ Negan Imagine - “The Key”

An imagine about the 12th episode of season 8

After the Reader and Negan grow even closer, Rick’s attack on him forces her to face a bunch of emotional challenges in order to save Negan

the last part /all other previous parts (You don’t have to read any previous parts to understand the plot! Hope you all like it and enjoy reading)

The warm sun rays danced over your skin as you stood on one of the Sanctuary’s platforms by the fences, seeing Negan walking around and checking if his men were gutting all of the walkers. The sounds of the splashing organs could be heard till the platform and you were more than thankful that the wind was in your favor and carried their rotting reek into another direction as you leaned against the metallic railing and hoped that all these guts wouldn’t even find a use. Even more, that you could try to find a deal with your friends before worse could happen, just like Negan had promised you. Your glance wandered back to him as you saw him walking up to Simon who was kneeling in front of an already heavily putrid walker and was burying his weapons deeply inside the dark red mass. You could hear their voices talking but couldn’t hear what they said until Negan’s laugh sounded through the air while he walked further along the fence. As soon as he had his back turned, the big smile that had laid on Simon’s face hushed and turned into a frown, his brows puckered while a heavy huff seemed to rumble through his body that let tension in you grow. You had already noticed that Simon and Negan had their disputes over the last time but something about the way Simon looked right now gave you a very odd feeling. For moments, your gaze was stuck on Simon and his cold stare before he got back to work and your glance darted instead at Negan who turned around and looked up at you. A mix between a wide smirk and a smile was plastered over his face as his eyes were glued on you while a bit of the familiar warmth grew in your body with each more second he looked at you. Negan let out a throaty chuckle as he gave you a teasing wink, before he made his way back to the fences, swinging Lucille joyfully in his hands.

The wind began to turn as you felt the awful reek beginning to travel up your nose that made you realize that you should find some other platform if you didn't want to have the smell of walker guts and blood stuck up your nose for the rest of the day. You wandered back inside the dark hallways, trying to avoid the dark thoughts of the grief about Carl that was still stuck in your bones from welling up in you again before you found your way to a smaller platform that darted at the woods and gave you a peaceful view onto the trees that were swinging softly in the wind. Letting yourself fall onto a rusty chair at the platform’s end you let out a strained breath as you felt your muscles aching slightly before your thoughts drifted off. The warmth in you body grew some more as your mind drifted back to your morning with Negan, his breath that had ghosted over your skin and the small kiss he had placed on your lips as soon as your eyes had fluttered open. You both had different reasons why you were toddling into this all a bit slower and carefully but still, there was next to the new feeling you had when kissing him something that already felt oddly familiar and intimate as well. The day passed by and more often than you had thought Negan left his people to go spend his breaks with you, while you could still feel how much he was trying to show you that he was willing to do his very best to make up the things that had happened in the truck after your first kiss. By now, the sun was already gone for hours from the sky as you laid back into the pillows of the large bed and sunk into their soft fabric as Negan let himself fall next to you. “Simon’s still out, getting the last guts done. He’s full on board again”, Negan mumbled as he shifted back into the pillows and propped one of his arms behind his head. “You sure?”, you asked, the scene from before shooting back into your mind as Negan’s brows perked interested up. “Why?” “He just...I saw you talking to him earlier...he changed his mood from stoked to keyed up a bit too quick for my taste after that”, you said as Negan let out a sigh before a small chuckle left his lips. “Probably still got his nuts twisted”, he mumbled as he ran a hand over his jaw and gave you a small smirk before he rose his voice again. “I know he’s got his problems with the way I handle shit but as long as he keeps his goddamn grudge in line and does his fucking job, crap will work out and he’s gonna get that it’s the right fucking way”, he added, before some tension sneaked up in him as he let out a sigh, his brows puckering for a small moment. “We save people, we don’t fucking slaughter them”, Negan grumbled and before you could say anything else a small wince shook through your body while a small groan left your lips as you felt the aching of your muscles once again. “Knotted up?”, Negan asked as he watched your face twisting in response to your hurting muscles. “Hmm...yeah”, you mumbled, reaching over your shoulder to soothe the painful spot with your fingers. “Get out of that top”, you suddenly heard Negan say, your head snapped up as you looked into his grinning face as your brows perked in confusion up. “What? Don’t want a massage from these magic fingers”, he asked, his tongue sliding over his lips as his hand slid slightly up, his fingers moving in a teasing rhythm. It didn’t need much persuasion considering the growing aching of your back, so you found yourself just a few minutes later laying on your stomach in the bed, the top pulled down to your hips while Negan was in the bathroom, searching for some body lotion or oil. “Ready?”, you heard him call from the bathroom as he seemed to close some cabinet with a small thud. “Yep”, you called back, shifting a little bit on the sheets before you heard his heavy footsteps coming closer, the mattress slightly bending beneath his weight as he crawled towards you and eventually placed himself on top of your body. “Here we go”, you heard him mumble, swirling the top off of something before you felt some oil trickling down onto your skin. You closed your eyes as soon as you felt his warm hands placing on your back, a small shiver running through your body as soon as you felt his touch. Slowly, he let his palms slide over your skin, spreading the oil as his thumbs began to draw circles as soon as his hands reached your aching shoulder blades. You began to relax beneath his fingers that kept working on your skin as his hands ran over your back, soothing the pain that was stuck in your muscles. “You’re doing a great job at making up”, you mumbled teasingly with a small grin as you let your head sink deeper into the soft pillow. “Oh I’d do that also without having to make some shit up...but anyway, feels damn good, huh?”, he mumbled, the smirk on his lips clearly audible through his words as his fingers slid along your spine. “Yeah”, you mumbled, as you felt him continuing his soothing movements, his hands cupping your waist to let his thumbs circle over your skin, building a little pressure up with every moment to soothe your muscles.

Gradually, he found the spots that were bothering you as the circles and slides of his fingers let you hum contently in response. “Fuck, stop with those moans or my eleventh finger’s gonna do some work on you”, he chuckled as you let out a small laugh and suddenly felt his fingers brushing over your ticklish spot. “Hey! Negan, no”, you laughed, squirming beneath him as you reached back with your arm, trying to stop him from turning this massage into a tickle torture. His throaty chuckle sounded through the room as he brushed one last time over the spot, just to tease you, before he thankfully got back to letting his hands work on your skin. His palms slid down to the small of your back, his large hands letting that warmth grow in your body while his fingers trailed back up to let them do their magic on the back of your neck. The massage began to let you swing in a comfortable trance, his touch feeling better with each moment as his palms and fingers took care of each aching spot. “You’re asleep, Baby?”, you heard Negan ask quietly as his hands stopped for a moment and rested on your back. “Almost”, you mumbled, a small yawn leaving your lips as they curled into content smile. Your yawn must have acted contagiously on Negan since you heard him letting out a deep yawn before he his throaty chuckle rumbled through his chest. His hands slid a couple more times over your shoulders and back, before you felt him placing a small kiss on your shoulder, the touch of his warm lips sending warm and comfortable shivers through your body. Without even thinking a small hum left your lips and without being able to see Negan, you knew how his lips formed into a big smirk in these moments. ”Now you wanna keep that top off of you for the whole night? I’d have no damn problem with that”, he chuckled as you let out a small snort. ”No”, you mumbled with a chuckle just before felt him giving your waist a small, teasing squeeze. “I’ll turn around, no problem. Gotta get the oil back to the bathroom anyway”, he chuckled as you felt him climbing off of you, your eyes following him as he moved off the bed and gave you a wide grin and a quick wink before he vanished in the bathroom.

Back in your top and already tucked in beneath the sheets you watched Negan strolling back over to the bed. ”Come here”, Negan mumbled as soon as he let himself fall back into the pillows and spread his arms out for you as soon as the blanket covered his body. You moved in closer, huddled up to his side as soon as his arms wrapped around you before you felt one if his hands reaching up to cup your cheek. ”Good night”, he mumbled as you looked up at him, his hazel eyes glued on you as he leaned in until his warm lips captured yours, caressing them with his own as warmth filled up your body. But different to last night and this morning he didn’t pull you into his embrace as soon as your lips let go of one another, right now he kept resting his forehead against yours, your lips still almost touching while you could feel the hunger and longing in you grow again. And he seemed to feel just the same as his lips met yours again in a deeper kiss, his fingers slid into your hair as his thumb still rested on your jaw, holding you close to him. “Shit...you’re doing some fucking things to me”, Negan purred against your lips in between your kisses before he pulled you back in as his words and his touch made you heat up. You got more and more lost in him as your hands slid over his shirt, feeling his chest hair beneath it until your palms rested on the soft fabric of his shirts as deep and content growls rumbled through his chest until you let breathless go of each other. A big smile planted on his lips as he pulled you closer against him, the warmth still stuck in your body as you buried your face into the curve of his neck and let out a content sigh, as you felt how happiness washed over you and stayed in your body until you slowly began to fall asleep in his strong arms. As you slowly woke up, the room was still dark, only enlightened by the faint moonlight while the sudden and abrupt loss of Negan’s arm’s around you made you shift uncomfortably on the sheets, irritated by the lack of his warmth. An uneasy and deep breath coming from somewhere next to you made you open your eyes, finding Negan laying propped onto his elbows on the bed, his ribcage moving and falling at a fast pace while shivers ran through his in goosebumps covered body. ”Negan?”, you quietly asked, your mind still halfway stuck in sleep as your voice made his head turn around to you. In the faint light you could see tears glistening in his eyes, uneasy breaths of air leaving his lips as he gulped heavily. ”What’s wrong?”, you asked concerned but still quiet as you slowly rolled onto your side and looked worried at him as he let out a deep sigh and shifted up into the pillows. ”Nightmare, huh?”, you asked softly, knowing way too well how those tortures in your sleep felt as Negan let out a another sigh and slowly nodded. ”Yeah...but you need to go back to sleep, Sweetheart. You still gotta catch up on some of that shit”, he mumbled, trembles still erupting his body before he turned his head slightly back to you ,”I’ll be fucking fine, just need some moments to set my head straight.” ”When I told you I’d be fine after my nightmares you called me out on my bullshit”, you said, with a small and soft chuckle, trying to loose him a little up as for a small moment a tiny grin grew on his lips before it quickly hushed again. He gulped harshly, before he finally looked back at you with his still clouded eyes as he shifted slightly and moved onto his side. “But you shouldn’t fucking have to be strong for me now, you got enough shit and-”, he said, stopping as his jaw clenched tightly, his eyes leaving yours as they roamed through the dark room, “I don’t fucking deserve that, not yet. Fuck I still gotta make this shit up...” “Stop, you’ve already busted a gut for me”, you quickly said, your words directing his glance back to him as you looked into his eyes. “Don’t make yourself reproaches right now”, you continued, slightly gulping as he bit his lip and began to slowly nod. “Alright...” Your hand reached up to him to softly cup his cheek before you felt him leaning into your touch as soon as your palm met his skin, while his eyes closed for a few moments. And within those few moments you saw him beginning to let loose until you wrapped your arms around him and sunk back into the pillows. His body was still trembling as you held him, remembering all those nights he had held and cradled you tightly against his chest to calm you down as well as you remembered the time you had comforted and hugged him that tightly after he had opened up about Lucille to you. He was beginning to let himself more and more fall as he buried his face into the curve of your neck, his hot and still uneasy breath hitting your skin as he held you just as tightly against him while a few tears met your skin. “I fucking failed her, now I’ve fucking failed you-”, he grumbled shivering as you knew now for sure that his nightmare had mixed up old regrets and fears with new ones. “You haven't, people do shitty things in panic...matters what they do to make it up and make it better and you’re doing more than I could ask for”, you mumbled as you tried to hold the big man tighter in your arms, “It’s not even about a damn massage...it’s your will to do better...and the proof that you’re working for it and making it better...just like you let me this close right now.” ”Fuck, I’m so goddamn sorry”, he mumbled against your skin, holding you even closer, before your words from before seemed to slowly soothe him a bit. ”I know...it’s okay”, you quietly mumbled back as you first reluctantly and a little insecurely let your fingers run through his hair, hoping it would comfort him a bit before a small smile grew on your lips as soon as you heard him humming contently. You leaned your head against his, closing your eyes again as your fingers kept massaging his scalp and caressing his neck as you felt him relaxing beneath your touch. Slowly, the tension began to leave his body as you felt his breath becoming calm and steady while you kept going with your soothing movements to make sure he was falling into a deep sleep. You had no idea how long you laid there with the big bad wolf in your arms until you were sure he was fine and asleep. Only then you allowed yourself to sink more into the depths until the sleep finally conquered you again.

The sun stood already high at the sky as you found yourself outside of the Sanctuary, the taste of your last coffee still lingering on your lips as Negan strutted past the gutted walkers, calling out some stuff to his men while gladly nothing of last night’s sorrow seemed to be left in him. From the other side of the fences you could hear Simon in the middle of a bunch of Saviors, swinging some kind of motivation speech that was mixed with a bunch of orders before the men and women slipped into their trucks. Your glance fell back on Negan as he walked towards you, his signature smirk on his lips as he eventually slipped an arm around your waist. ”We’ll drive in the car behind them, let them get their asses out of here first”, he said, running a hand over his beard stubble while the engines of the cars started and began to roll off the Sanctuary’s compound. Moments later you slipped onto the passenger’s seat of the black car, a biting smell coming from the backseats as you saw Negan digging Lucille’s end into a bucket filled with rotting walker guts. Your nose wrinkled by the reek as Negan closed the door in the back and let himself fall in front of the driving wheel. “I know, that’s some fucking awful, putrid shit”, Negan chuckled as he closed the door and started the engine and let down the windows next to the backseats. ”Lets go”, Negan mumbled as the car began to drive off the compound, your eyes still glued to Lucille while the thought of what would happen if no deal could be found and those guts would get a use. Suddenly you felt Negan’s hand on your thigh, squeezing it lightly as he stroke with his thumb over the fabric of your pants. “Nothing’s lost yet. If those fuckers play along, no one’s gonna get close to this smelly crap”, Negan said, giving your thigh another small squeeze as he gave you a small smile as soon as you looked at him. “I’d just gonna have to apologize to Lucille for covering her in that shit”, he chuckled, trying to loose you a little up before you gave him a small nod as you forced yourself to simply believe his words. For the next time, Negan kept talking to you to keep you distracted. Uncountable of dirty jokes he had recently heard left his mouth as he tried to fight the urge to laugh while he was trying to get them properly together to make you laugh in the process. And he had actually success, you found yourself in a mix between snorting with laughter, blushing, chuckling, cringing and shaking your head in response to the colorful and way too detailed ways Negan amplified the dirtiest parts of his jokes, letting you end up curled on your seat, holding your stomach as you tried to calm yourself down from laughing. “That one was fucking great, right? C’mon you really gotta admit that”, Negan chuckled, the aftershocks of his booming laughter still rumbling through his chest as you nodded, another laugh leaving your lips. “Yeah, it was”, you mumbled chuckling, adjusting yourself in your seat as Negan’s walkie beeped. “Yeah?”, Negan asked, a bit of annoyance laying in his voice as he heard Simon’s voice responding, asking him to make a stop for a moment to check that everyone was in their assigned trucks and got the message before moving on. Not even two minutes later you watched Negan walking toward the other cars and trucks, vanishing behind some of them while you had decided to stay behind in the car. You heard his and Simon’s voice sounding through the air, saw a few of Negan’s men walking around before they hopped into their trucks again and you finally caught Negan coming back towards the car. He slipped back on his seat before he let out a small sigh and looked over at you. “Thought about it, I got a better feeling when you’re driving the rest in the truck with Dwight and Simon”, he said as he shifted on his seat, his voice rising again as he saw your brows furrowing in confusion. ”As soon as we’re there, my car’s the first thing they’d aim at in the worst fucking case scenario”, he muttered, as he ran a hand over his jaw, ”Shit doesn’t have to go down, of course. I just don't wanna take chances there, hell, I don’t want you to get hurt.” He looked at you as you slowly, nodded, realizing that he was right even though you deeply hoped that this scenario wouldn’t come in any way true. “I’m out of dirty jokes anyway”, he said with a small chuckle as he gave you a wink while you got out of your seat. ”Liar”, you said grinning as you heard his throaty chuckle, before you shut the door and walked towards the truck right before Negan’s car, already knowing that the drive with them would be pretty much the opposite to the one you had till now with Negan. “Hey”, you just mumbled before you climbed to them into the truck and let yourself fall onto the seat next to Dwight. “Well, then lets go again”, Simon grumbled as he started the engine of the car and began to roll towards the town in front of the row of trucks and cars. Your glance went out of the window, watching the fields and trees pass by while your eyes went here and there to the side mirror that showed the side of the black car behind you, just to keep yourself a little distracted. The fields and streets began to change to houses and smaller buildings as you drove into the town. The streets seemed empty, just some lonely walkers here and there as you leaned deeper into your seat right before the sudden loud bang of a collusion behind you let you jolt up. Your heart pounded, realizing that something had drove into Negan’s car as your eyes darted at the side mirror, catching the car that had shoved Negan’s as it tilted out for a moment and for the fraction of a second, you could see who was sitting behind its wheel. Rick. A gasp left your lips as you stared into the side mirror, Rick and Negan’s cars long gone as you heard the crackling of a walkie. “The hell was that?”, you heard Arat’s voice sound through the walkie next to Simon as it ripped you out of the shock trance you had been stuck in for seconds. “That was Negan's car”, Dwight said as the the truck stopped, just like the ones in front of you while the tension in your body rose to an unbearable level. “Jesus, it was”, Simon scoffed out before you heard Dwight’s voice again. “You see it?" “Yeah, someone pegged him pegged him good. Looked like just one guy, from what I could tell”, Simon huffed, moving and rotating the truck. "Anyone see which way he went?” Arat asked as the sound of squealing brakes sounded through the air as Dwight grabbed the walkie while Negan and Rick were still whirling through your thoughts. “Just tell them to pipe down! Stay icy. Maybe there are more of them out there”, Simon’s tensed voice called at Dwight. “Keep guards up, scan your lane. We could have company”, Dwight said into the walkie as Simon rotated the truck some more before you could finally open the door. “You come with us. if you take off all lonesome and a dead takes a good bite off of you, Negan’s gonna end us both”, Simon called out before you could do anything, just as he walked over to your side of the truck. “Think you can wait two minutes”, he grumbled before he made his way into the back, followed by Dwight. You had the urge to run, to try to find Negan and even though you had your suspicions about Simon, deep down you knew that you were, at least for now, safer when you had them behind you. After all, there still could be large groups of walkers roaming through the town and if you’d have a problem with those dead assholes, your chances to find Negan would lower even more. Simon kept yelling orders as you leaned against the truck until you finally saw him and Dwight walking towards you, the tension that had build up left your body a tiny bit as you could finally begin to walk. “Sweetie, you planning on slowing your ass a bit down?”, you heard Simon call out minutes later as you walked a good bit in front of them with fast steps while nothing in you even thought about stopping. Right now, minutes, even seconds could count and you weren’t about to waste any time you didn’t have. “That’s a ‘no’, huh?”, you heard him call out again, a huff leaving his lips before he toned his voice a bit down but now, you paid more attention as he talked to Dwight again. “Back to it Dwight. Can’t be just one, like the big man says, sometimes you have to take the next step...those garbage people, they had to be expunged”, you heard him say, your legs still walking at a fast pace even though what he had just said had almost made you stop. Your feeling had been right. But he wasn’t only holding a grudge, he wasn’t doing his job like Negan had falsely thought. “Does Negan know?”, Dwight asked and before you even heard Simon’s voice you knew that it would be a ‘No’. “No, but it’s for the better. For the greater good. It’s for us”, you heard Simon add and just as his voice hushed, your breath stopped for a moment at the sight in front of you. A large parking area and in it’s middle a black turned over car, gasoline flowing out of it as it created a puddle beneath it. “Shit”, slipped out of your lips, your heart beat increasing while your stomach felt like turning just by the thought what would await you as soon as you’d reach the car. Your began to pace towards the car, already small strained breaths leaving your lips as you got closer and closer. Shivers ran through your body as you eventually walked around the car and saw it’s bloody windshield that made panic burst through your veins. “Negan”, you just mumbled as you got closer, a lump forming in your throat as you didn’t spot the man you were searching for but instead the white, now empty bucket that had catapulted itself into the front. Relief washed over you as you realized that all this blood couldn’t be his but there was still the question where he was and if he was injured. “He could be anywhere, alive or dead. Somewhere in between. Just 'cause he walked away doesn't mean he's breathing”, you heard Simon’s voice say, his words sending shivers through your spine before an idea rushed through your brain. With quick steps you walked closer to the car, climbing a bit up to look into its inside, your glance searching for Negan’s most favored weapon. But nothing. Your eyes searched over every spot several times, to make sure but still, nothing. She was gone and with that you knew that Negan had been alive when he had left this car. “He took Lucille”, you said, Dwight and Simon first looking up to you as your voice caught their attention before you repeated yourself ,“Negan took Lucille with him. Walker’s don’t take stuff with them.” “Well, we can keep looking and maybe find him more alive than dead, but then what?”, Simon asked, your brows puckering in confusion before he turned to Dwight, “we could face a distasteful moment.” A heavy breath rumbled through your chest as you got down onto the ground again, realizing by his words, the tone in his voice and the way he looked right now, that he wasn’t going to keep looking for Negan. “Or we could walk away. Get back to our people and make things even better”, he continued to Dwight, just confirming your suspicion as the tension in your body grew with every passing second and with every word he continued to say to Dwight. “This is a critical point in our history, Dwight. This is something we could tell our grandkids about.” His glance was fixed on him, his tone persuasive and urging while incomprehension grew in you and the certainty that things would get worse for the Hilltop as soon as Simon would take the leading role. “Sorry, you’re gonna have your heart broken. Took a lot this last time, didn’t it? Time to stop”, Simon suddenly said as he looked up at you and slowly walked closer as an unbelieving huff left your lips. “I’ll search for him”, you said as he came closer, his brows furrowing in his overacted manner. “All alone?”, he asked as he stood right in front of you and stared into your eyes. “Yes”, you just said back, not even planning to let him talk you out of continuing your search for Negan. “I’d overthink that”, he grumbled, leaning in closer as a threatening tone mixed into his voice. “Without him,...you’re just one of them”, he added as your glance narrowed, determined to not show him any of the fear he wanted to see. “Think about your next step, Sweetie. Think closely”, he mumbled, leaning in some more before you shook your head, let a huff leave your lips and turned around just until you felt Simon’s hand wrapping around your wrist, turning you harshly back around. “I said, think closely. You don’t wanna do anything dumb, do you?”, he growled, his glance narrowing as a tight breath left your lips. “No, but I’ll go now”, you said, a firm tone in your voice as you wriggled your wrist out of his grab and turned around, even though turning your back on Simon right now made tension fill up your body. He was capable of unbelievable things and now that you knew what he was actually thinking and could potentially find Negan, you could let his cover blow. The chance that you had heard him talking about the garbage people wasn’t small, probably he was already regretting talking to Dwight about them while you were near and after all there was the simple fact that you had witnessed how he wouldn’t even properly try to search for Negan just for his own advantage. You were a threat. “You should be scared, Darling...the thought of walking all lonely around, dead ones everywhere, trying to tear you up while you try to find Negan...”, you heard him call out as you walked towards the next street, the tension growing as you already saw some walkers stumbling over the roads ,”you should be so damn scared.” Simon seemed to still hope for you to stop, knowing way too well that in case Negan would still show up again and find out you’re dead while being with him the last time he had seen you, the living hell would break out. But you didn’t stop, even as you reached the corner of the building surrounding the parking area you kept walking until a shot let you flinch up, your body turning in shock for a moment as you saw the stones splattering out of the house’s edge just a foot next to you. Your glance met Simon’s for a second, while you couldn’t tell if he had aimed for your body or the house to simply warn you. The jolt rushed through your body as you began to run, your heart pounding against your chest as you heard his voice again. “One last chance, Sweetie. One very last chance to do the smart thing”, he shouted as you kept running, a rotting walker stumbling into your direction as you tightly grabbed your knife and ran past it. And then, Simon seemed to have lost his patience with you as several shots into the air followed. “Have fun with the dead”, you heard him yell, some more walkers already spilling out of the surrounding buildings as your eyes captured some rusty stairs winding up a building. Panting you made your way up the stairs, along the boxes that tried to hinder you until you made your way up to the roof and let yourself fall onto the cement. For moments you just sat there, trying to catch your breath before your got up to your feet again and slowly walked towards the edge of the roof. Simon and Dwight just made their ways around the corner again, leaving the parking area while Negan’s destroyed car was now lightening up in high flames, the smell of burning gasoline filling the air while some walkers stumbled over the ground. You knew you had to wait a few moments until they were gone to be able to properly search for Negan and all while these endless seeming moments passed, you tried to black out the scenarios of his bleeding body and instead forced yourself to focus on imagining where he could be - or where Rick could have urged him. The only good thing about the roof was that you could overview the streets, after all Negan couldn’t have made it too far. But there was no Negan anywhere on the streets, no sign of him at any part of that, so there were just the buildings left. If he was injured, he had probably saved himself into one of these, who knew if Rick was with him, hunting him, or not. You had experienced him after Lori’s death and if he was just half as rattled now as he had been back then, you had a problem. And then you made your way back down the stairs, your heart pounding as your eyes found an open door at the other end of the parking area. The smell of the burning car got worse as you made your way past it, your knife tightly in your hand as you ran towards the building, just hoping that you’d find him alive. Your pulse pounded in your ears as you finally got to the entrance, darkness awaiting you inside as you slowly stepped in, carefully, to avoid any walker attacks. You gulped harshly as the wooden floor squeaked beneath your shoes as you made it further into the building that was just faintly enlightened by the sun rays that made it through the destroyed windows. “Negan? Negan, you here?”, you finally asked, your body shivering as you got into a room with a staircase, half of the floor next to it broken, leading a way to dark floors beneath it. ”Baby, you need to go”, you suddenly heard Negan’s tensed voice say, relief washing over you before it got accompanied by confusion as his voice echoed through to you from somewhere beneath your feet. ”What?”, slipped out of your lips, your brows puckering as you made your way further over the floor, trying to find out where he was. ”Get yourself to somewhere safe. Please”, you heard his voice again, pleading and stressed as a strained breath left your lips. ”Negan, what’s happening here?”, you asked, tightening the hold on your knife as you tried to stay as calm as you could. ”He’s gonna die, that’s what’s gonna happen”, you suddenly heard Rick’s voice spat from some other corner beneath the floor as you froze for a moment, the pace of your heartbeat shooting up once again. ”You’re with him now, (Y/N)? After all, you want him? What-...Why did you help Carl escape, why did you do that if-”, he asked but before you could say anything back, his voice sounded through the floor again. “You know what? This all isn’t gonna change anything now, he’s gonna die. I’ll end this, here and now”, he called out, the aggression in his voice letting shiver run up and down your spine. “Rick, this is insane”, you finally brought out, your ribcage rising and falling in a trembling manner. “We need to stop this. We should fight the dead not the goddamn living”, you added, trying to keep your voice firm as you slowly walked over the floor hoping to get closer to either one of them. “What the hell happened to you, (Y/N)? You were there, you saw what he did. You’re gonna tell me now to stop?”, Rick asked, the frustration clearly audible as you gulped heavily, the tension in your body rising as you heard the blame in his voice. “Yes”, you said, taking a deep breath, “By now we’re so deep in it that it’s bullshit to find the one guilty side. it won’t make it better, it’ll just get worse.” For a moment it stayed quiet, only the sound of the squeaking wood beneath your shoe soles hearable. “Rick, more people will die and I don’t want that. I don’t wanna lose anybody else, and especially not to this damn crap”, you said, your stirred up emotions mixing into your voice before you rallied yourself again and let out a deep sigh. “I’m not the only one who wants you to stop...I don’t think Carl wrote these letters just for fun”, you said, your body filling with more tension as soon as you spoke out these words. You weren’t sure if bringing Carl into this was a low blow, but after all, he had asked them to stop before he died, he wouldn’t want Rick to do this here, this way. “You won’t stop me”, you heard Rick call out, your heart hammering against your chest as is voice rose up again. “Negan, I’ll make you a deal. I let you kiss her goodbye..so come get your bat...come get her”, you heard Rick call out, before loud and dull thuds sounded through the air. “Don’t you touch her!”, you heard Negan call out, more dull thuds sounding through the air before their combined screams and another loud cracking of wood ripped you out of your in shock frozen trance. “Fuck”, you breathed out, fear spreading out in your body as you knew that you had to do something if you didn’t want to lose Negan. Your glance fell onto the hole in the floor, your only way to get to them and with that you walked towards it, your breath quickening as soon as you stared into the only faintly enlightened bunch of woods at the end of the hole. Cursing you sat down on its edge, pushing your knife into its holster to not end up stabbing yourself before you gave yourself a mental and physical hard push and made yourself drop into the depths. A groan left your lips as you landed in the hard wood, your skin aching beneath your clothes as the screams and yells continued and motivated you to quickly heft yourself back on your feet. Grabbing your knife you made your way into the darkness, only the tiny spaces between the wood of the floor above you enlightening you the way as you began to ran towards the source of their screams. Suddenly your eyes caught an with fire enlightened room, your heart pounding as you heard Negan’s scream coming from its inside, burning walkers wandering growling through the dark as your glance fell onto the damaged door Negan and Rick must’ve fallen through. “What the hell am I doing?”, you mumbled to yourself as you leaned down to grab the remains of the wooden door, trying to keep it uo to let it shield you as you let your fist pound against the wall. “Come over here, assholes”, you screamed at the top of your lungs, trying to get the dead and their wrenching mouths away from Negan and Rick. “Come over here”, you screamed out again, your voice breaking at its end as you saw the first dead stumbling towards you, your fist still pounding harshly against the wood with loud and dull sounds. Your throat felt as if your strained breath was burning crannies into your skin as the heat of the fire began to hit you, the growls of the walkers got louder as they began to stumble out of the room, past you as you kept the door as well as you could in front of your body. You kept it up until it began to catch fire and more screams from inside the room urged you to rush inside, no matter how many walkers were left in there and even though you were scared and full of fear. Tossing the wood against the walkers you finally stormed into room, the adrenaline in your body keeping you working as you panting made your way closer to them. You clasped your knife tightly as you tried to avoid any of the walkers while you had no idea what to do once you got to the both fighting men. This was a dumb idea. A fucking dumb idea. sounded through your head as you eluded a burning walker that stretched its rotting arms out to you, its cold fingertips brushing over you as you shoved yourself into the next room. You couldn’t let the both get themselves killed in this hellhole nor let Rick kill Negan. You couldn’t lose him, you just couldn’t. And that was the one thing that kept you going on your insane mission, your knife beginning to dive into walker skulls as you reached ones that weren’t surrounded by flames, every single time your own skin just centimeters away from their wrenching mouths. And then, you saw him. Walker blood all over him, his face a mix between shock, aggression and tension as you fought your way closer just as Rick stormed through the walkers, pushing Negan against a window which glass began to break, threatening to burst any second. The fear in you rose as you paced towards him, his glance first falling onto you as Rick pushed a walker off of himself. “Baby”, you just heard him say, his mouth falling open in shock as your eyes widened as another walker stumbled towards you. With trembling hands you buried your knife into its skull, your glance meeting Rick’s for the matter of a second as the body in front of you fell to the ground. Confusion and shock laid in his eyes, as if he was thinking he was seeing a hallucination. All this was happening in nothing more than a few seconds, before you got urged closer to Negan, the window still threatening to break behind him as he winced in pain and pulled you tightly against him as soon as you stood next to him, aiming to keep walkers off of you. Rick pushed another walker away, his hatched burying into its dome as his eyes fell for one last time on you and Negan, before he rushed into another enlightened hallway. And then, you fell. The glass shattered beneath you with loud clashing sounds, Negan’s arms tried panically to keep you close and shield you from the awaiting hard ground. You felt how the fall ripped you further away from him until your body hit the ground, pain shooting through your whole body before everything around you turned black.

Your head pounded harshly as you slowly drifted back to consciousness, your eyes still closed as every muscle in your body seemed to work against you. A groan left your lips before your mind rushed to what had happened before the fall and even more, to who had fallen with you through the window. Your eyes snapped open by the thought of Negan, your glance slowly turning from painfully blurry to clear as your eyes caught his tall figure a few feet next to you on the ground. Panic shot through your veins as the adrenaline in your body made you heft yourself up, dragging your weak body towards him through the alley you had fallen into as you already felt tears burning in your eyes, as he didn’t move. “Negan?”, you mumbled whimpering as you got closer, your voice drowned out by the lump that was forming in your throat as you finally got to him, a wound boasting on his temple while blood trickles down his cheek. “God no...”, you muttered as your hands cupped his cheeks, the sight of his lifeless body pressing all air out of your lungs and instead filled them up with pain as your fingers panically slid to his neck, searching for a pulse. “Negan please...”, you plead, the lump growing bigger as the fear of losing him spread out in your whole body and formed into an unbearable pain that increased with every second. Your trembling fingers trailed along his neck, your breath quickening in panic until you finally felt the faint, but existing pulse. “You’ll be fine...”, you mumbled, trying to calm yourself down as you let your thumb stroke softly over his cheek, while the fingers of your other hand refused to leave his pulse as persistent control that he was staying with you. Your mind was still filled with utter concern and panic as you tried to find a way through that mess you were, trying to make your head work so you could get him to safety. And just as the first tear fell from your eyes down to his cheek, mixing with the red blood that was still trickling from the wound, a harsh kick against your ribcage shoved you away from him, onto the hard ground. A groan left your lips as your back hit the cement, your mind trying to figure out what was happening before your eyes captured a figure right above Negan. Your glance wandered in the pace of a lightning over the person, until they turned around and you saw into the face of the woman you had seen the last time when the war broke out. And for the fraction of a second, you remembered what Simon had said, how all her people were dead, how Negan had no idea of the massacre that had happened against his will there and with that you knew that this woman would want revenge. And she would do something to Negan. Her hands reached down to him, grabbing his shoulders as your instincts kicked through, your mind only wanting to protect him as you raised your leg and swung it with the last strength you had against her groin. “Don’t you touch him!”, you growled, your voice coming strained out as she stumbled groaning back, holding her stomach as your glance fell for the first time at Lucille, laying on the cement not too far away, her surface coal black while your knife was gone from your hand, thrown somewhere through your fall. In trance you crawled towards her, until you felt another kick into your side that brought you groaning back to the ground. “Get out the way”, you suddenly heard her growl again, as you saw from the corner of your eyes Lucille, now finally close enough to grab. Your hands reached out to her until you could finally wrap your fingers around her handle while you already saw the woman coming closer again, ready to fight you again. With all strength you could bring up you swung Lucille up, aiming for the woman as you hit her legs, a cry leaving her mouth as her knees let her sink for a moment. And you took this moment to seat your weak body up, a strained breath leaving your lips as you lunged out to give her another hit. Lucille crushed down against her side, letting her stumble back while the adrenaline in your body kept you going even though you felt like your hurting body would slump to the ground any second, not strong enough to move anymore. Panting you crawled towards Negan, Lucille still in your hands while your mind just told you to shield him and protect him from another attack. But before you got to him, a set of hands placed roughly on your shoulders, plucking you off of Lucille and away from Negan before you landed on the ground once again, the sole of a shoe pressing against your cheek to keep your pounding head on the floor. You panted, tried to get yourself up and gather up your last strength as you caught her glance for the first time, staring coldly down at you. “It wasn’t him...your people-”, you panted, trying to get her this way and lead her revenge thoughts away from Negan “Shut up”, she growled, her glance wandering from you to Negan as you took your last chance and grabbed her ankle, digging your fingertips and nails into her flesh, trying to push her off of you before her glance darted back at you and the last thing you saw was her fist that rushed down at you. Wincing you got back to consciousness, your whole body trembling as you heard a starting engine that made your eyes snap up. Groaning you rolled yourself onto your side, the pain beginning to eat you up as you found Negan and Lucille gone and instead saw the woman in the car right next to a figure that could be no one else than the man you had tried to save. Whimpers left your lips while the desperation in you grew as you tried to get yourself on your feet and do something. The car began to move and with every foot it drove, more pain spread through your body as tears began to trickle down your cheeks. “No..Negan-”, your breaking voice brought out as you heft yourself onto your knees, your body not letting you to do any more as you had to helplessly see how this woman took him. Panic shot through your body as your mind began to play different scenarios of what could happen, of what she could do to him as it urged you on your unwilling feet. Your whole body shivered as you did a few weak steps, your glance getting blurry from the tears as you saw the car driving further away with every single second. And while you stumbled even slower than a walker over the ground, the only thing you knew was that you had to find him, no matter what it took.

part 29 / 8x14 “Still Gotta Mean Something”

(The gif isn’t mine/ it was originally posted by dancing-at-the-funeralparty) tagging: @agespenst @imaginesforthepeople @porgs-r-us @squidgy84 @toxic-ink @Nobodylastname @nice-shoes-nerd @thegirlwiththelyrics99 @tolieboy @writteninthestars288 @magical-spit @straightestgay-voice @xsnak-3x @myrabbitholetoneverland@dasani-saraai @negan–is–god @harry-titss @traumbruch @negans-network @theblankestostares @amysuemc @ashzombie13 @trashimaginezblog @jeffreydeanneganstrash @sweetwittlebosco @futureofdestiel @bananakid42 @dragongirl420 @kalliewinchester-queenofhell @futureofdestiel @timeladyrikaofgallifrey @osakamilk @kattyshea20 @dinodiegos @missmotherhen @kinkygamertrash @beahippie23 @xabeautifultragedyx @negansmagic @starwarsandstufff @bdohe21 @lovesjdm @vanilla-negan @to-pick-ourselves-up-7@roselover159 @mamarhee @the-writingdead @traumbruch @bellawindixon @dlb1999@thelittlewolf45@collette04 @ask-kakashihatake@princessbelgoof @adixon13 @botanicalthoughts @nijiru@cheyanhicks @jtklover123@twentyonewalkers @originalwinchestervamp @readytourie @ijashanaa @i-am-lady-anarchy @marauderspads @humble-thumb@hp-hogwartsexpress @mydeliciousdandelion @warriorqueen1991 @unholyjs @kentuckywalker @mydeliciousdandelion @dancing-in-embers @gackts-guwashi @ugh-abbyxx (In case you want to be tagged or untagged for specific things or everything I write, just let me know)

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