#usually not without help

[craycraybluejay]

That last anon was uhhhhh very weird and mean to you. It's kinda funny how they use the word "symptoms"... Ah yes, symptoms. The one thing about illness that is completely under control of the ill. Their arguments were pretty garbage. Like saying that a cancer patient is economically abusive for requiring a lot of money for treatment.

Very weird of them, kinda think they were venting some trauma inappropriately and holding you responsible for some fucking reason.

-🦫

the funny thing is i too have trauma and yet don't attack random internet strangers over it lmao

but yeah it was so fucking out of nowhere. I *think* I can guess which post of mine ticked them off but the post was literally agreeing with them. With the fact that Cluster B Disorders are literally classified and diagnosed by unstable, toxic, and often abusive interpersonal patterns of behaviour. Same way any mental disorder is diagnosed; by a PATTERN OF BEHAVIOUR. And apparently they took that to mean that I think ADHD or something has the same symptoms as for example NPD even though I said literally the opposite. There is a reason we have these classifications and I know ALL TOO WELL what that anon was talking about regarding their trauma. But like. I'm not their therapist yk? It did actually tug at my heartstrings a bit because I do have a soft spot for rage fits out of misplaced Fear and whatnot about people not believing what happened to you and why. But like. Still deeply inappropriate. I'm not even mad at the anon really and I don't want to make fun of them either. I just hope they can get the help and support they need and maybe stay away from triggering themselves online before they're ready to calmly and accurately interpret posts and conversations about trauma-related topics.

In fact I myself stay far the fuck away from certain trauma triggers online even though I know I have a lot of light to shed on how it happens because it just isn't good for me. I will truly and legitimately block someone with even a blog colour theme that brings things back or a post even mentioning something that reminds me of what happened. Anon needs to take steps to heal with a private and stable support network and avoid triggers no matter how tempted they are to seek them out, because I know what that's like and it is actually very common with ptsd and c-ptsd. A lot of times people will consciously or subconsciously seek out triggers trying to find some sort of closure or vent their feelings; but all that giving into that urge does most of the time is make it harder to heal.

Mental illness symptoms being controllable is... a complicated subject. You CAN control them actually, at least some of them. For example I'm on the schizo spectrum. I cannot prevent hallucinations when they happen but I can have a plan of action so I don't freak anyone out or hurt anyone. Someone with NPD may have some kind of Ego Moment where they feel the need to assert that they are superior when they feel inferior but knowing about their disorder can actively decide not to do something potentially hurtful in the heat of the moment. Just like with physical illness, symptoms are manageable. Lots of physical ailments you cannot cure, but you can manage symptoms. Like the flu. You can't just. Unget the flu or "cure" it. Most of the time it passes on its own as long as you stay healthy. But what can you do? Treat and prevent symptoms. You can control symptoms and it is, unfortunately, your responsibility unless you are under someone else's care to control your own symptoms. If you are constantly ill and there is no cure, you must seek medicine if you want to feel better. If you have a mental illness and you find yourself struggling with yourself or others, you must seek support and figure out how to control and minimize the symptoms if you want to feel better. No one is obligated to be healthy but at the same time, you are responsible for your health no matter how unfair it is. Even if someone else injures you, they can pay settlement for hospital bills but YOU have to be the one to take meds and get treated. Same with mental illness. Mental illness literally cannot be your fault; it is usually genetic or from trauma. Guess what? It's still unfortunately your Responsibility to manage. A lot of people get stuck on where to place blame and expect the responsibility to go where they put the blame. But blame can go anywhere or nowhere and you will still be responsible for fixing what is wrong. The fact that I anger easy is not my FAULT. But it IS my responsibility to find safe and healthy ways to deal with that anger. Just because I'm not the one who made me angry does not give me the right to hit someone or start screaming my head off. Anyone who places too much weight on blame and treats symptoms as inevitable and unchangeable is liable to neglecting their responsibility to care for themselves.

#symptoms is specifically the one thing in illness you CAN control anon #usually not without help #and not ALL symptoms can be controlled-- specifically internal ones #i.e: you cannot control the internal symptom of envy but you can control the external symptom of breaking someone's things in a fit of rage #anon response #anyway #i hope my prev anon gets well needed support and takes some time off the web #and i hope that we all can take a little more responsibility #there are many things in life that are not our fault that we are responsible for #your life itself is not your fault and you are responsible for it once you reach age of majority #and in some ways sooner than that #your eating disorder because you were bullied? not your fault whatsoever #you are STILL responsible for getting help though #it isn't fair but it's the truth #i think a lot of people need to go back to the basics; responsibility; self-control; politeness; respect #we don't just need to teach this to children. we need for everyone to be taught again and again basic skills for how to interact with #with yourself and relationships and larger society

[hoofpeet]

Shedding season's coming up..

#hoof draws #hoofology #bov ocs #sidenote- i was imagining dane's antlers are smaller than usual because they're largely helped by T #but since female reindeer also grow antlers- he could be lucky enough to have regular sized antlers #even without the help of T- #helped by the fact that I believe female reindeer have the same shedding schedule as male whitetails #buck passing antlers.....

[sergle]

There's something about like. A certain genre of posts / Online Opinions about insecurity/depression/misery/complaints that are so unhelpful that they wrap right around to being straight up hilarious. and it's the ones that are more or less written to the tone of "Feeling bad? That's gross!" Like, just so you know, don't voice your insecurities/ have low self esteem, because that's offputting! You're gross and weird. Don't be insecure about that, though. That would be stupid if you felt insecure about people disliking you for being insecure. Not attractive. You should be thinking about being as attractive as possible. You shouldn't make comments about suicide, even if you're suicidal! Keep those thoughts entirely to yourself. Make sure nobody around you knows you're thinking about this. It would Make Them Uncomfortable. It's better to keep these thoughts in your head where they can fester. Don't post OR talk to friends with complaints about you feeling miserable or depressed. Tbh people who are sad/upset a lot? Kinda a red flag! You are probably miserable because you're a bad person and you've brought this on yourself. If you don't have friends, it's because you're awful to be around. Easy! Solved the problem for you. And no, there is no nuance to this, got it? So, make sure to feel bad about feeling bad, but don't feel bad about it, because, well, that's just gross. And annoying! You might've wanted your brain rotted thoughts to be Peer Reviewed, you might have just needed to vent- you might've been hoping for some comfort, to get things off your chest. Well, don't! Don't talk about thoughts or feelings that are negative with your friends, you'd be burdening them and that's only meant for THERAPY. #SponsoredbyBetterHelp #MentalHealth like, DAMN. that's so helpful. you're so good at helping. I um really liked the part where these are all hard and fast rules that encourage keeping feelings bottled up and keeping your friends at arm's length. That's really funny of you.

#I FEEL LIKE COMPLAINING RN in the context of this alternate universe these posts live in. that makes me evil rn. I may not even keep #the post up. but I Needed to complain about these bc I hate seeing them #really funny and good because it very much feeds into that part of the brain where you go wait am I stupid? am I horrible? am I annoying? #before you express any kind of personal feelings. from feeling insecure alll the way down the spectrum to feeling like your life is over #before anyone How Dare You Say We Piss On The Poor-s at me YES there is a nuanced version of this #which is. you can make someone feel like shit (A Fellow Sufferer Of The Mental Eelnesses) by using them as your dumping ground #in excess and usually with no regard for how they feel and without Regular conversations inbetween #and in a one-sided way where they can't do the same and complain with you as a sounding board in return #don't tell new friends you hardly know abt THE MOST personal shit you can possibly think of. there are steps being skipped here #right? we know this. we all know it. setting a boundary is a thing. overwhelming a person is a thing #on the other hand there is such a thing as a friend who IS okay to listen and wants to help. and friends who relate. #maybe talking abt personal stuff makes ppl feel closer sometimes. just a thought! maybe not everything is Emotional Labor. maybe just maybe #but like come on. these are almost intentionally unhelpful posts #long post

[a-s-levynn]

IV

#okay i am appearently fully unable to go without drawing for more the a few days at this point #or i'm just feeling sad again as per usual while also being addicted to the notification induced serotonin #aaand i figure you can put two and two together to get four #anyway it's kinda shitty sorry mr vessel the fourth but i spent like 20 minutes on you instead of going to bed #click for better quality not that it helps much but at least it'll be sharper #sleep token #vessel iv #iv sleep token #sleep token iv #iv #sleep token fanart #levynn tries to draw

[sctumsempra]

rip severus snape you would’ve loved being a barista at an indie coffee shop

#severus snape #snape #pro snape #barista snape #they usually treat their employees like shit just like his employer does 😍 #and potions is so close to barista #knowing exactly what you need? making something up on the spot? intricate techniques and new gadgets and everyone coming to him for help? #and he wears all black with the classic barista hair and his clothes probably always smell like his job #he has clothes specifically for work so he doesn’t fuck up his normal ones which is why he’s in the same outfit all the time #i am drawing this by the way. she’s a wip but she’s happening #if there’s a way to be a barista without going into autistic burnout after a week please let me know. i miss it

[icewindandboringhorror]

Just a person in a funny little hat, picking flowers, perhaps :0

#self #ootd #mori kei #It's actually such a struggle to wear wigs now ghbhj.. fitting them over my hair without it looking weird #Genuinely in most photos I actually have my hair braided and just left down the back of my neck tucked into the collar under the clothes #I basically never show the back of outfits or costumes so I can get away with it being weird like that #but my real hair is usually not even tucked under the wig cap. it's just pulled back and hidden under clothing #Thoough the tightness of the wigcap does still help keep it back and in place.

[fisheito]

my princess nonsense is being encouraged watch ouyt imabout to be eneaabled

OK WHATF ATHAT'S SO CUTE I HAD TO MAKE IT i know realistically there's little to no chance that rei DOESN'T know how to work heels 🤣 BUT IMAGINE.....ING.... YAKUMO GENTLY GUIDING REI IN HEELS, WEEKS BEFORE THE BIG GALA AND HAVING NONE OF HIS NORMAL FEAR OF PHYSICAL TOUCH BC HIS [TEACHER MODE] IS OVERRIDING HIS INSECURITY

#rei looking directly at the camera like why are you subjecting me to this. i do not need any of this. i know how to do it #rei wearing stilettos the size of your head so he becomes ur very tall bird goth gf #you know how yakumo gets when he instructs someone on how to cook something #he becomes confident and just tells ppl how to do stuff without his usual amount of stutter and secondguessing #i'm gonna pretend that after his stiletto training in misty vale he gains a TINY MOLECULE of confidence due to experience #like [i can help you if you've never done it before?] #honestly i can't imagine this scenario happening because i am so SURE that rei can walk in heels HAHAHA even tho nothing has proven that #SOMETHING COME PROVE ME WRONG SO MY DELUSIONS CAN SLIDE CLOSER TO POSSIBILITY #anyway even if rei didn't know how to wear heels #would he ever mention it? would yakumo ever learn of it? #rei would probably be all . i don't need to wear heels. they can't even see them under the dress. i'll wear my practical shoes #but if he can't get away with that and will be forced to wear heels at the party... #maybe he'll go [meh. i'll figure it out] and just not wear them until the day of the dance #at which point his feet will hurt after 20 minutes and for the whole night he takes any chance to sit down #rei can be frequently spotted on SOME surface SOMEWHERE in the palace. sitting all splayed out and uncaring of propriety #because he is in PAIN and these shoes are STUPID and why do people wear them for ANYTHING . Royals are so IMPRACTICAL #yakumo keeps trying to avoid heels for the dance because he doesn't want to be any taller than he already is #i bet there's a full convo about it between him and eiden #eiden trying to reassure him that if he wants to wear heels then he shouldn't let others' perception stop him from doing so #but if he genuinely doesn't want to wear them then that's ok too #eiden craning his neck up at yakumo in heels like you're my pretty princess 1-2 heads taller than me your height doesn't matter 🥰 #i'm now torn. yakumo and rei both wearing heels now? in order to stay at similar heights? #or. rei starting out with heels. getting tired of them. going barefoot for the rest of the night lol #yakumo and rei still dancing in their ballgowns together but a much shorter rei leads a yakumo in heels #yes. yes this is the vision #yakumo #rei #yakurei #replies

[casiavium]

It is morally okay to look up walkthroughs. You are not less of a player because you followed a guide. It is perfectly fine if the only way for you to have fun is to go step by step through directions. It is not cheating

#this is mainly about totk but applies to anything #i have never finished a zelda game without using a walkthrough at some point #they're so helpful!!! because once i get passed the little hard but that frustrates me i can usually figure it out on my own then

[valveposts]

hmmm writing some smut based on convos in my tf server

(theyre roleplaying)

#alv posts #im not usually a smut writer in the sense of like. #i dont actually write sex #kinky scenes without actual sex? sure i do that all the time #but im not very experienced in like. actual penetration and stuff #probably doesnt help that im not experienced in that irl either #valveplug #drift #ratchet #dratchet #ratchlock #my writing

[baldurs-gate-official]

Thinking about how Astarion insisted on staying up to keep watch in the beginning of the game

Yeah, it could be because he needs to go hunt at night without anyone noticing, or because he's keeping an eye out for Cazador/his minions. But... It could also be because he's scared of sleeping/trancing in general?

He's got severe C-PTSD. I have that too. And one of the things I experience from it is a fear of falling asleep.

Sleeping is vulnerability. You're completely defenseless. It's terrifying to fall asleep when you're used to danger! And some abusers will purposefully do things to you when you sleep. I wouldn't put it past Cazador to have done something like that.

It's especially terrifying when you're sleeping somewhere unfamiliar, or as out and open as a forest. With strangers.

Add in the elvish reverie (if we assume Astarion still experiences it as he would if he were alive at his current age)... and he might even be reliving horrible memories every time he tries to rest.

(If you're unfamiliar with elvish trancing/dreaming, I made a post about it and some ways it might affect Astarion as a vampire spawn a while ago)

One of the reasons I think this could be the case is actually the other spawn, specifically what I noticed when we first meet Dalyria and Petras. At first I thought Astarion's eye bags were just a product of being undead. But... Petras, the very human looking spawn, doesn't have that. Dalyria is an elf as well, and like Astarion, she's got some of that tired sleep-deprived purple under and around her eyes.

So all this considered... I think it's very possible that Astarion has a fear of sleeping too. Or at the very least, trouble resting. Him and the other elvish spawn.

It also makes me wonder if he sleeps any better later on in the game. By Act 3 he probably feels more comfortable with you and the group. Sleeping near familiar people (especially people you're very comfortable with, but that's very dependant on your own choices in your game), and having established night time routines can make sleeping feel a little safer.

Plus by that point he's made many new memories he can visit in his reverie. Maybe instead of remembering the terrible things, sometimes he dreams of sun bathing, the first time he bit you or that bear, or any other happy memory he's created since being tadpoled.

Maybe for the first time in centuries, sleeping isn't such a terrible prospect.

#bg3 #astarion #text post #its just something thats been on my mind #my fear of sleep is bad enough that i usually cant fall asleep without pushing myself to the point of passing out #or sometimes i need to take a sedative just to manage it #so i wonder how bad it is for him given that he doesnt have the option of sedation #it makes for some interesting headcanons/ideas though #pretty sure a druidic Tav can offer to put together an herbal tea to help him sleep #what if that sort of thing worked and it became a nightly routine? #i assume he can drink tea given that he can drink alcohol #or if you've romanced him #would sleeping near Tav help? #i know sometimes its easier for me to sleep when im around someone im comfortable with #though sometimes it has the opposite effect and it makes it harder to sleep because i feel like i need to be extra alert to protect them #trauma really does a number on you #act 3 spoilers #bg3 act 3 spoilers #astarion spoilers #bg3 spoilers #q

[lttl3babybug]

Valentine’s Day colouring date results as promised :3

#age regression #sfw agere #agere #agere community #fandom agere #!!! <3 #agere blog #age regressor #also if anyone has any name ideas to call my cg that would be very helpful #I’m so lost on what to call him when regressed #bc I’m too nervous to do it IN FRONT OF HIM most of the time #so it’s usually over text and I’d just like to let him know I’m small without having to directly say it

[cleric4vampire]

what kind of love are you?

Aune: Love as a Choice

You choose to love. Love does not come to you easily, but every day you wake up and choose it. It would be so easy, wouldn't it, to grow cold and callous and grim. But you rise to greet the world, making the conscious effort to find something, anything to love. When you fall for someone, you do not kid yourself of their flaws. Instead, you resolve to see them for who they are, mistakes and all and you love them all the same. Your love is work, and it does not come easy. Your love sweats and toils. It is calloused and sunburned; it bears scars and comes with stories. Your love is worn, but no less valuable for it. Being loved by you is like being loved by a gardener, a mother, a teacher. Your love may not always be the simplest, but it is worth the effort.

Aune (as Durge): Love as Religion

Devotion, that is the name of your love. Your love is an act of worship. Your love is like witnessing the birth of Venus, like seeing the sun come alive, or the stars fall. When you love, it is because you have found God in a lover. You have found the meaning of life itself in the heart of the one you adore. They are everything to you; they are your Maker, you are their lamb, their flock, their first and holiest worshipper. When you fall in love, it is a baptism. You are born anew, made a believer in the divinity of the one you love most. Being loved by you is an ascension; it is holy and golden. It is all-consuming and all-faithful, loyal as the dog. You will never, ever bite back.

Don't mind me. Just thinking about how the Cleric to whom freedom of choice means Everything and is going through a crisis of faith did not get "Love as Religion"; But the Bhaalspawn to whom choice was never an option loves like religion — because the idea that anyone could love someone as wretched as them must certainly be holy and worthy of devotion. And to be devoted is to choose to surrender - knowing your lover could be the end of you - and still doing it. Because you have FAITH

aaaaaaaaaaa

tagged by @dolceaspidenera; thank you for tagging me!!

if you haven't done it yet and want to — tagging @bhaalsdeepmuse @justabiteofspite @thehightiefling @dragon--sage @witch-from-a-block-of-flats @birb--birb and anyone else who wants to do this!!

#URGGHGHH feelings!!! these are so spot on #I usually take these quizzes multiple times per character if I feel like they could have gone one way or another with certain questions #and it helps me determine how accurate a result is. without fail I always got Choice for Aune and Religion for Durge!Aune #italicized text is what resonates most with the character #(also the irony of tav!aune being covered in blood but not durge!aune in the pictures lol) #oc: aune #oc: durge!aune #bg3

[minkufu]

Anyway if youre like me and have trouble visualizing poses you have in mind, 3D models are a godsend.

The structure and proportions of the models arnt perfect even if you resize them, so I end up adjusting a LOT. I just need the general shape of the poses.

one of the best examples I have of 3D models in clip studio making it possible for me to actually complete a draw I otherwise would have scrapped lol

#mika speaks #of course i dont use this for all my draws #usually just for more angled poses or pics including more than one character doing more than just standing by eahc other lol #im not good at starting things from 0 #I need a visual of some kind to work off of usually otherwise my brain will be as blank as the canvas #shame theres nothing that helps with writing in the same way tho #anyway i just like to share this sort of stuff #cause theres a lot of people that act like using any form of reference like this is a crime #even tho the models are free and you pose them yourself #theres a lot of pieces i would have never finished without them #it just helps to remember not to try to perfectly trace the model #just use it as a guide #tracing them makes it too stiff

[fate221]

Imagine sitting in your room, doing routine stuff, when suddenly you hear air raid siren shouting behind your window. You’re immediately grabbing your pet, blanket and few candles. Electricity is turned off, there’s no lighting, no noice from the fridge or lamps or other. You’re entering your bathroom that is the most save place in the apartment when you hear an explosion somewhere next to your house, windows and walls are shaking. The sound of explosion is abrupt and dull, that wasn’t the first time at all you heard it. You sit next to the wall, light up some candles and start to call your closed ones, sit frozen till they answer. And you keep hearing explosions around you in the full darkness. You’re surviving it today but you don’t know what will be the next time.

Sounds pretty scary yeah? Just like some epic and exciting war movie. Surely this will never happen to you right? Me and my closed ones thought the same just some time ago. But now this text above is our reality now. I repeat - this is the reality for EVERY ukrainian, every peaceful citizen, just like you. We have to deal with it for almost a year now. This can happen ANYTIME, ANYWHERE. The missiles don’t care if you’re in a bathroom, if you have plans for today, if you’re drawing some fanart. They just want to destroy you, destroy electric stations, destroy your comfort, destroy your life.

This is the plan of r*ssians for today. They are directly targeting civilians every day, just for us being Ukrainians and wanting to live on our land. The terrorists won’t leave you alone till they reach what they want.

#I drew it after another massive attack by r*ssia #I was without electricity heat and connection just my dying iPad to draw this #this war is horrible #I usually feel like screaming in the void every time I talk about it online #because many people still won’t understand this horror #but I still feel like I have to continue sharing it #art is my main stress relief these times also #it’s a good way to keep myself busy #warinukraine #Ukraine #help ukraine #stop russia #ukraine russia invasion #russia is a terrorist state #украрт #my art #my art war

[perhaps-mr-collins-has-a-cousin]

Hello praying people, I'm not doing well and would really appreciate your prayers right now <3

#long very boring and unnecessarily detailed tag monologue incoming‚ feel free to skip: #this is going to sound like a silly thing to be hitting rock bottom over #but i’m fairly certain i have a semi-rare skin condition known as sensitive skin syndrome #which is basically where skin gets progressively more sensitive #until it won’t tolerate the topical application of anything at all without getting irritated #usually it happens to people on the skin of their face and i have it there but i also specifically have it on my lips #(which apparently is extremely not normal; i found a dermatologist’s case study from like 2019 of one woman who had it on her lips #and according to this case study there were no other cases of people having it on their lips #in all the dermatological literature he had read) #i can’t follow the protocol which all the journal articles i’ve been able to find say is helpful for the rest of the face which is basicall #leave the area the heck alone for at least a year #because if i don’t apply anything to my lips for more than two or three days they will get so dry they crack and bleed #so it’s looking like one way or another i may be having to deal with dry burning irritated lips for the rest of my life #and i’m not dealing with the thought of that very well #i’ve already suffered so much anguish from extreme sensitivity on the rest of my face #and not being able to take proper care of the skin there #and this is just too much for me #i know God is allowing this for a reason but it’s filling me with so much frustration and panic and despair that i don’t know how to go on #but i must and i will #this isn’t a serious or a life-threatening condition but it’s looking like a pretty hopeless one and it’s hurting me badly #and i would appreciate prayers that it would just be healed or that i would know what to do #i think i will try going to my dermatologist but somehow i doubt she's even heard of sensitive skin syndrome #on a COMPLETELY unrelated note i'm just about to get my period and also for two days i've ''eaten'' nothing but vegetable smoothies #and those in pretty small amounts because they're disgusting #(do a detox my hormonal health doctor said) #(it'll be fun she said) #ok if you read this far you're so brave braver than any u.s. marine etc. #thanks for reading ily <3

[icewindandboringhorror]

Some (late) holiday photos of the boye~!

#cats #holiday #OUGHH....... barely could even get these edited and posted... my mysterious sickness flare up has been sooo bad the past few #days.. I didn't even go to the usual obligatory family christmas I was supposed to attend (!!! health issue/medical mention in tags below) #My stomach issues basically put me in a constant state of uncontrollable shivering/body shaking + nausea + sometimes rapid heart #rate. and when it happens at night that makes it like.. nearly impossible to sleep when you're violently shaking + you can feel your heart #so strong + you keep having to run to the bathroom every 5 minute to cough and gag #and throw up and so on and so forth. etc. So I went like 40 hours without any sleep almost for christmas eve and all of christmas day #last night I finally got maybe 2 hours of sleep in between the nausea and shaking and stuff. and then today I was able to get a few #hours of sleep in the afternoon. Today I tried taking an anxiety mediciation a doctor gave me in case it was anxiety related (it's apparent #ly used to relax people and works in the moment. rather than like Anxiety Mediciation that you have to take for weeks to see any effect #because I think this isn't actually acting on your brain chemistry it's judt like..a mild sedative or something.) but all that did was make #me dizzy and sweaty lol. I;m glad I slept a little but I'm just still frustrated that I don't feel normal. I started having these #'episodes' (with the stomach issues + shaking + heartrate + nausea etc.) like at the end of october. And usually it will happen for like a #few hours at a time. or i'll lose sleep one day and then be fine the next. but this has been like nearly 3 days of feeling weird. so is #getting kind of annoying... It's funny too because I was so so productive like.. literally the few days before. I was feeling much better #and I was working on my game and blah blah. But then.. random issue flare up out of nowhere of course.. yaayy.... happy holidays to meee lo #I did at least see two random ducks outside of my window in the yard area for christmas. and havent seen them since. So it's like.. hrmm.. #pacing around my room nauseous and shakings and etc. but at least... hello.. two little ducks placed there just for me :3c #Now I get anxiety every night which I'm sure doesn't help/could exacerbate whatever underlying genuinely physical issues exist. But after #like 2 nights of 'I spend the night sleepless and incredibly uncomfortable just sitting in the dark sick' then bedtime is like.. dread... #I even was trying slapping myself in the face in desperation to see if somehow that could shock my body out of whatever the hell it was #doing lol.. up at 3am holding ice cubes in my hand and hitting myself in the head and crying from exhaustion and thowing up.. literally #ridiculous cartoon character feeling... AAANYWAY!!! At least I have baby boy pictures. and I have lots of doctors appointments so hopefully #whatever the issue is can be sorted out at some point. I don't know much about ibs but hopefully maybe something like that that I could pos #ibly take medication for and not something more seirous or anything. Maybe there's a food I'm secretly intolerant to or whatever. #And I did at least post a sims holday video actually timed for the holidays so that's something. I havent been productive really latrely #though obviously.. I can't even play games or small tasks when in that state since I'm just SO physically uncomfortable. Nausea and heart #stuff are THE hardest physical sensations to ignore.. BUT yeah... hoping I shall sleep at all tonight. hopeing to get like 3 productive #things done.. at some point... at least SOMETHING... lol..... *** *** ***