#unfortunately i do not have the kind of personality to navigate potential situations where my dog is trying to attack another dog or human

[lesbiancarat]

Hey!! I’m a really really new carat and I just found your blog and resources which are super helpful but I’ve been seeing some things that might be negative and I don’t know what to believe. Do you have tips on how to maybe navigate it all? I’m just kind of hesitant now and it’s weird I guess.

Hi! since you didn't specify I can only give you general advice, which is to just find out as much as you can from different sources and make your own judgement. unfortunately due to the nature of kpop fandom, whenever there's controversy, there's also a lot of misinformation. stans tend to paint their idols in a positive light, and non-fans tend to believe the worst. read about the situation from both perspectives and be aware of the potential biases of each. try to find similarities in stories from both sides, and try to separate when people are sharing facts about what happened and what their own opinion on the situation is. also be wary of opinions that have no nuance to them. even in situations where the idol is clearly in the wrong, there's usually some level of complexity to the situation

it's also important to read perspectives from both Korean fans and international fans. there are some global issues that Korean netizens on the whole tend to minimize, such as cultural appropriation, and there are other issues international fans blow up thinking it's offensive in Korean culture when it's really not

if you feel comfortable, you can always message me to ask about a specific SVT incident you're worried about and i can share everything i know about the situation as objectively as I can. of course, it's impossible to eliminate bias entirely, but I've always believed that everyone should be free to unstan a group for any reason even if they make you the slightest bit uncomfortable, and i highly value truth so I'd do my best to explain the situation

also as a general note bc i see a lot of kpop fans struggling with this, i think it's important to determine where your own moral lines for supporting an artist are, because you can't expect perfection from anyone, kpop idol or not. any idol that hasn't had any controversy is probably a rookie and it's only a matter of time. it doesn't mean all idols are 'problematic' or bad people, it's just that no one in the world can be informed about everything all the time. we're all raised in flawed societies with their own biases, and no matter how good a person we are or how hard we try, it is a lifelong journey to try and unlearn those biases. it also doesn't mean people shouldn't be held accountable, just that it's impossible to expect perfection

and that line might have to include hypotheticals. a lot of controversies are never clarified. so you have to consider in some situations whether you'd be uncomfortable if there's even a possibility of a rumor being true, or if it would only be a dealbreaker if it were confirmed

so you have to create some line for yourself, bc if you expect perfection you'll be disappointed with any idol or artist you try to stan eventually. and that line is different for everyone, there's no right answer

for me personally, i believe from everything I've seen in the ~5 years I've stanned seventeen that they have good intentions and that they put a lot more good into the world than bad. and don't get me wrong, there are a couple things i wish seventeen and/or their management handled better and a few things i still wish we'd gotten apologies for, but overall i think seventeen have tried hard and in a lot of ways succeeded in creating a welcoming and supportive community. but again, that's personally, not everyone will have the same line and not everyone will come to the same conclusions

I'd also like to leave you with this clip (7:28-8:14) from minghao. i know you've only been with us a short time, but i hope you find some comfort in it <3

#melia.ask #anon

[ailuronymy]

i wasn't sure which blog to send this ask to, but i have a question ab my fanfiction. im trying to write my main character's father, who is in a different colony. it's sort of a leafcrow-type situation, where he had a forbidden relationship with the main character's mother and then took another mate in his own colony to appear loyal. however, the father character is much more manipulative and could be read as abusive. (1/?)

(2/2) my main problem is that i'm trying to write this father figure much more realistically and morally-gray instead of being a one-dimensional villain. at the same time i don't want it to seem as if i'm writing this abusive person (cat? idk) as a misunderstood bad boy archetype. i'm trying to go off of personal experience to write him but that's made it very hard to stay objective. any advice?

Hello there! I’d like to start out by asking you a couple of questions first. 

1. Why do you think fiction writing has to be “objective”?  2. What is the worst that happens if you do--on purpose or by mistake--write this character as a “misunderstood bad boy archetype”? 3. Who are you afraid of?

I’m asking you these questions because this ask you’ve sent me radiates a lot of fear, and I think you will benefit from identifying and understanding where your anxiety around this is actually coming from. I can have a good guess, though.

It seems to me that you are living in a kind of dread that if you have a villain too human, there will be consequences and I imagine that’s because there’s a vocal subsect of people who don’t have better things to do with their time than wailing that the downfall of society is nigh, because [mumble mumble] people reading and/or writing fiction, [something something] fiction impacts reality. It was a tired and severely flawed argument when the Victorians and Puritans did it, and it still is now, but it’s said with so much conviction by these people that I’m not surprised it sticks around. 

The thing is, there will always be bad faith actors and stupid people who will misrepresent or misinterpret your writing. The world is full of different people, and some of those people just... aren’t clever and aren’t kind and don’t think things through before they start talking at top volume. There is no amount of perfect you can be, as a writer, that will inoculate you from potential criticism (including really dumb, blatantly wrong criticism). The only way to avoid ever risking that is simply never to make art--and that’s no way to live, and I don’t recommend it.

I think this is what’s weighing on your mind. Between the lines, I can see you saying that you want to write this character based on your own experiences, which are emotionally charged and biased (because you are human), as someone complex and even likeable in moments, who has reasons for why he acts they way he does (and some of them might even be good reasons). You want to write him as a puzzle that isn’t easily solved by cutting him out of your character’s life or by the power of love suddenly curing him of all the terrible things he’s capable of. 

When we talk about “problematic” (properly, not in silly internet gotcha lingo), this is what it means: it presents a problem that isn’t easily resolved; it presents a nuanced and tangled problem, one that often has good elements as well as bad, and which is inextricable to the greater situation and causes run-on impacts if moved, or changed, or removed. Problematic as a word lets us talk about these kinds of ideas, typically in neutral ways--because a problem isn’t necessarily bad, it’s just difficult to navigate. The world is made of problems. 

Anyway, what I’m trying to say is there’s no trick I can offer you when it comes to writing this character. You will have to learn by doing, as is unfortunately the case with almost all writing in my experience. However, if it brings you any peace of mind, I’ve written many characters who I would describe as nuanced people, and some of them are also villains in other characters’ lives. 

For example, I’ve written a whole story from Brokenstar’s perspective, in which he sees himself and his actions as entirely justified, and would do it all again. I’ve written about Blackfoot, who is a murderer and has no real inner turmoil about that. I’ve written about Palebird (Palefeather, in my story) who is a neglectful mother working through her own troubles, and for whom there’s no explicit closure with her son. I’ve also written about Mudclaw, who is infamous for the part he plays in the Windclan civil war, and who is convinced he is justified in what he does. 

Are these characters bad people? Or good characters? I don’t get to decide that and I don’t feel the need to label them any particular way anyway, but I always strive to write them first and foremost as people. I want them to feel real and grounded in their own logic and reasoning. The rest of the interpretation I see as kind of not my business. Readers will read what I write in a myriad of different ways, because they are all different people. So far this approach has served me well, so I can recommend focusing on writing the story you want to tell and make your characters feel real. Good luck with your writing!

[frostedfaves]

Kids Again

Masterlist

Pairing: Rosa Diaz x fem!reader

Summary: A series of moments in your relationship leads you to one night in Shaw’s, where everything seems different now. Inspired by Kids Again by Sam Smith.

Warnings: angst mixed in with fluff, alcohol use and mentions, smut scene so tiny you’ll barely notice it but still 18+ ONLY (fingering and oral)

A/N: finally got around to listening to Sam’s latest album and as you can see, I immediately latched onto this particular song. the lyrics are sprinkled in throughout the fic and in italics! can’t wait to hear your thoughts :)

Can't believe I still avoid east side

Even though I know that you don't live there now

Lately you're the only thing on my mind

And I can't stop myself from driving by your house

“So there’s a really nice bowling alley on the eastside, or we can try--”

“Let’s go to the other one,” you interjected, forcing a tight-lipped smile when your friend looked up from her phone. She simply shrugged and looked up the address while you took the time to remember why you didn’t step foot on that side of town anymore.

It was a few months after your sixteenth birthday, and you were still just as excited to drive everywhere as you were when you got your license and used car. Being her best friend (and really the only person in the world that she didn’t hate somehow), you had the gift of Rosa riding along in your passenger seat at all times, acting as navigation and snack holder when the situation called for it.

“What time is it?” you asked curiously and Rosa checked her watch.

“9:58.”

“Crap, I gotta get you home now,” you grumbled as you approached a red light, the pout you directed at her shifting into a smile when she grabbed your hand off the steering wheel.

“You really don’t.”

“No, I do. You’re in enough trouble as it is right now that I’m lucky you get to come out with me at all.”

You pulled your hand away to drive when the light changed, biting your lip to hide a grin when she moved hers to hold onto your thigh instead. The rest of the drive to her house was filled with silence, aside from the occasional noise from the surrounding traffic bleeding through the cracked windows. You turned to bid her goodnight when you parked, instantly cut off by her lips on yours. She was out of the car and inside before you could react, but the feeling of her kiss stayed with you through the rest of the night.

She had moved several times since that night, but her parents still lived there. You knew that by the glimpses of her mother and father you caught on the days you couldn’t help but drive past, needing the reminder of that first kiss to wash away the memory of the last.

Livin' out of suitcases and hotels

Drinking way too much and talking through the night

Really wish I didn't know you so well

Wouldn't be so hard to leave the past behind

“Fuck, don’t stop, fuck!” you cried out as you held onto Rosa’s hair, trying not to suffocate her with your legs as she worked between them.

“I’m sorry,” she teased as she pulled away, her wet lips forming a smirk as her fingers continued to thrust in and out of you at a steady pace. “What was it that you didn’t want me to do?”

“Fuck you.”

“That’s what I thought I was doing.”

She quickened her pace as she lowered her lips to your clit again, sucking and licking mercilessly as each of your moans came out louder than the last. Your back arched off the mattress as you climaxed and slowly relaxed again as you came down, laughing as Rosa raised her naked form to press her lips against yours, pushing her tongue against yours to allow you to taste yourself.

“We need to stop getting drunk at dinner,” you sighed happily, giggling when Rosa frowned at you.

“Why? Drunk sex is the best.” She shifted next to you on the bed and pulled you in to rest against her bare chest, wrapping her arms around you. “It’s not our fault Italy has incredible wine.”

“You’re right, it isn’t.” You listened to her heartbeat for a moment as her fingers trailed up and down your back, eventually sitting up to meet her gaze again. “Okay, what’s going on?”

“What?”

“There was significantly less shit-talking, which is apparently your favorite part of fucking me.” You placed your hand on her cheek as she turned away from you, forcing her to look at you again. “Tell me what’s on your mind, my sweet Rosalita.”

“I just worry about whether or not I’m cut out to be a cop, let alone a detective. Didn’t exactly start out so great.”

“Rosa,” you began, moving to straddle her waist and smiling when her hands instantly went to hold your hips. “One mistake doesn’t define your whole life! If it did, I’d still be ridiculed for some clothing choices from middle school. Clearly the academy sees some potential in you, since you were accepted into the program, and took a chance with you. Now you just have to give yourself a chance to live as the person you want to be, okay?”

“Okay. Thanks.”

“No problem.” You leaned forward to capture her lips again, smiling against them as you pulled away. “Feeling any better?”

“I am.” She flipped the two of you in one motion, and you grew a bit fearful at the mischievous glint in her eye. “Also, never call me sweet ever again.”

“Okay, sweet--” The rest of your words were cut off by a loud squeal as she attacked your sides with quick fingers, grinning at the sight of you squirming and laughing under her. If it was up to her, she’d spend the rest of her life in this hotel room with you.

Ooh, every time I hear our song it kind of hurts me still

And ooh, even after all this time I kind of miss you still

If you had the physical strength to, you would’ve punched the radio to silence it, so you settled for turning it off instead. Still air was much worse though, as it left you with your thoughts, so you ended up flipping to a station for kids music. Safe enough, right?

The irony of hearing you and Rosa’s song mere minutes after she broke up with you was not lost, and if anything, it made the whole situation hurt worse. When your girlfriend called you over to her apartment last minute, you assumed she was surprising you with a proposal with the way she’d been acting lately.

Instead you were given the exact opposite, parting words that held the excuse of falling for someone else. Unfortunately for Rosa, you knew her better than anyone, which meant knowing she’d never--in this lifetime or the next--cheat on anyone. Especially not you. You wanted to fight her on it, fight and cry and scream until she saw sense, but you didn’t.

Instead you settled on driving away and going home to drown your sorrows in a bottle of wine she bought you during your trip in Italy, the one that had you convinced she’d love you forever.

Tell me how you live without it

Did somebody change your world

And now you don't look back

“Didn’t expect to see you here.”

You lifted your gaze from the beer bottle on the table to the woman now sitting across from you.

“Detectives aren’t the only people that call this bar home.”

She nodded in recognition, lifting her own beer to take a sip.

“Thought you were more of a wine girl?” she dared to question, scolding herself quietly when you let out a humorless laugh.

“I was, but it started to leave a bitter taste in my mouth.” You drained the rest of the bottle and dropped it harshly back on the table. “What do you want, Rosa?”

“I don’t know. I saw you sitting here when I walked in and couldn’t stop myself from coming over.” She took another sip in hopes of drinking away her nerves, something she hadn’t felt around you in years. “So how have you been?”

You shook your head. “I know you hate small talk, so I’ll save you this painful exchange by asking you something. Was there really another woman, or did you let your fear of commitment ruin another good thing in your life?”

“I don’t have a fear of commitment,” she countered, but you saw right through her cleverly disguised shaky tone.

“We dated from the day of our high school graduation to our mid-twenties and only lived together in hotel rooms on our trips abroad.”

“I move around a lot. I didn’t want to inconvenience you.”

“I would’ve followed you anywhere,” you told her as you placed your hand over hers on the table, your eyes never leaving hers. “You know that.”

“Fine.” She sighed heavily as she placed her beer off to the side to grab your other hand. “I lied because I was afraid and I’m here now because life without you is way fucking harder than I thought it would be. So what if I asked you to revive old times with me and come back?”

“I’d tell you that I have no interest in reliving something that started when we were kids. I can’t go backwards in life, only forward.”

“What if I promised to really commit this time? What if I promised to never let you go until death do us part?” she asked quietly as tears filled her focused eyes, her voice cracking in a way that had you swallowing with difficulty.

“Then I’d tell you that I want to learn about the woman you’ve grown into before I make any major decisions, but you have definitely caught my attention.”

A smile slowly formed on your lips that influenced hers, until you were practically grinning at each other.

“Come on.” 

She got up and you watched her with a frown, grabbing your jacket as you stood too.

“Where are we going?” you asked, and she nodded to a group of detectives laughing and talking together in a booth.

“First lesson on who I’ve become starts now.”

No, we'll never be kids again

No, we'll never, never, ever, ever, ever, ever.... 

-

Tags: @creepingwolfberry @rosadiazswifey @xetherealbeautyx @gaulty74 @milkfromhell

#rosa diaz #rosa diaz imagine #rosa diaz x reader #rosa diaz x fem!reader #brooklyn 99 #brooklyn nine nine #brooklyn nine nine imagine #brooklyn nine nine x reader #b99 fanfic #b99 fic #b99 x reader #b99 x fem!reader #b99 imagine #b99

[dahniwitchoflight]

man, a lot been happening on the internet lately, talking about content creators and parasocial relationships being a big topic recently

I almost don’t wanna post anything about it, cuz I’m not sure how to avoid any sort of stirring of the pot, but there’s an angle to this situation that I think a lot of people are confused about, and that’s “where does the fault lie when a person gets hurt in a parasocial relationship?”

And people I guess are thinking this is some sort of case of power dynamic’s, but I think thinking of it in these terms is incorrect to be perfectly honest

does a content creator seem to have a lot of sway over someone who’s fallen into a parasocial relationship with them? sure it can seem that way

but is that the content creator’s fault? No, as bad as that sounds to the tumblr crowd

this is NOT the power dynamic between an abusive father and their child, or a skeezy boss and their secretary, or any other real abusive power dynamic where the victim faces some sort of real consequence for not being compliant with the abuser’s wishes

this is the dynamic between a casino and someone with a gambling addiction.

can you argue that the gambling addiction/parasocial relationship wouldn’t exist without the casino/creator existing? sure you can

can you argue that it’s within the interests of the casino/content creator to get customers and fans? absolutely

but can you also say that the problem in the situation here is inherent to the person with the actual addiction problem here? someone who gets too invested in the scenario through their own desires and or addiction problems? That many people can go to a casino or be a fan of a person in a perfectly reasonable healthy amount and never get hurt or encounter any issues? Yeah

Even if you dislike the casino/creator and have hard feelings for putting you into a situation where you believed you were gonna win it all, even though the odds of that happening were never in your favor, and rightfully feel you’ve been victimized by them, the casino/creator existing and doing there thing I really don’t believe is the thing at fault here

I think there’s something to the idea that people who are vulnerable to addictions like gambling and thinking that theyll win the jackpot of millions against impossible odds is not too dissimilar from a singular fan of some content creator thinking, this is it, I’m the one theyll fall in love with over everyone else, against all the odds itll be me

and also whatever prevents them from realizing that the consequences of losing would apply to them as well, other people in the casino might lose all their savings, but it wont happen to me. Other people might get lost in the fantasy and then end up being dumped, but it wont be me

I think the brain juice would see these as very similar situations, and this addiction angle I think explains a lot for how people get into parasocial relationships in the first place and why they feel like it’s so hard to get out 

but people are still free to believe that casino’s/content creators are morally corrupt institutions, just from their nature of the fact that their livelihood depends on people and fans crowding to their type of entertainment

At the end of the day, they cannot control what their fans are going to do, they can’t read the minds of anyone who chooses to come to their establishment, they can’t know at a glance or through conversation who’s going to get addicted and who isn’t, they can only see warnings signs after the fact and then damage control, it’s just a messy reality of life that it happens

There are best practices to prevent these types of things sure but those don’t catch every case and inevitably there are going to be people who fall through the cracks anyway

the correct approach here is to mitigate the addiction problem. that’s the real thing at fault here, not any one person

so to answer the question, where does the fault lie when someone gets hurt in a parasocial relationship?

you might be a victim yes, but not a victim of the casino, as much as it can feel like that, your a victim of an unfortunate affliction

people can be dismissive and yell all they want about alcoholics being drunks, or gamblers having no spine and should just be able to not go to a casino, or people who are overinvested fans should just be able to stop back and not care about a creator so much, but I understand that it’s not that easy

but it still doesn’t make it the fault of whatever you got addicted to, It doesn’t make it anyone’s fault, and the casino/creator has less power over an addicted individual than you think, short of banning them entirely, there isn’t much they can do from their end to mitigate an individual’s behavior, I think that is something some people need to hear, I hope people don’t think I’m callous or believe that people weren’t genuinely hurt by the events that happened to them or something

but the fix to this problem doesn’t lie on the casino’s/creator’s end, it lies in mitigating the addictive disorder in the individual’s in particular’s end

this is purely speaking from someone who runs a blog and has thoughts for a fandom that once upon a time a lot of people seem really invested in, (not so much nowadays lol) 

I cannot control anyone of you, I don’t know any one of you, no matter how much I might try or get close or how close any person out there gets to me, I still can’t predict when I might encounter someone who seems overly starstruck, and in no way do I have the ability to navigate those kinds of relationships properly. I simply do not have that sort of therapeutic training and I think it’s a little bit unreasonable for people to expect that from me, despite how charismatic or not I seem like

I just have indeed had instances where another person got really overinvested in “Dahni Witch of Light”  and wanted to be in my inner circle of socialness and friends and might have been hurt when I declined that, but at the same time, I can’t do anything about that  (thankfully I’m not any sort of real popular LOL and it’s only really happened like once or twice, that I know of, since they made their feelings clear to me in private, but that’s still one or two people that might have gotten hurt)

So what does this all have to do with stuff?

I’ve read all the anecdotes about both Dan Avidan and Vinny Vinesauce, read all the docs, see all these people’s point of view, and yeah it sucks that they got hurt by the circumstances, but all that stuff meant to paint these people in a bad light? did more to me to paint them in a really good light

I saw nothing but people making sure they had the comfort and consent of everything they were involved in, doing best practices when it comes to relationships, talking about their feelings, about their expectations and also doing what they can to protect themselves and their privacy

again the worst things I saw about either of them, is danny building up the fantasy of being with a rockstar a bit too much, egging on any potential parasocial relationship issues that might have already existed, and vinny giving someone HPV (which, is debunked in of itself because that’s not how HPV works in men, even outside of vinny that’s just not how it works.)

the rest of all the stuff I saw esp in the vinny doc, was people not even accusing vinny of saying or doing anything wrong either, but miles and miles of “I assumed he was thinking x” or ”I assumed he was feeling y” and no attempts to communicate with him about any issues they had with him, because they felt awkward doing so, and instead let it fester inside them until they got hurt by it

this is not sexual assault, their mild discomfort about stuff never even happened over sexual topics, just bland things like him over-venting to them sometimes or having lowkey mental issues like being paranoid a little, this is not even being intentionally hurt by someone,  this is being bad at communicating with your partner and letting yourself endure a relationship you weren’t actually happy with, because you didn’t want to get dumped by the person you were invested in

and if you feel like you can’t honestly communicate with your partner, not because of anything they did to you, but because of your own internal conflict over how famous he is, and feeling like you’re forced to endure things you aren’t vibing with in a personal relationship

(mind you, I mean the things they said they endured in the doc which was, they didn’t like when vinny would get ranty about his friends or previous sexual encounters he had that went bad or they got weirded out because they thought he was too paranoid about stuff when they were together....which... okay so like tell him you don’t want to hear about that stuff? communicate your problems to your partner? end of story? you never even attempted that, you never even gave examples of things you thought he would do to you other than dump you if you spoke up...... which, I’m sorry, but that’s not some sort of consequence a victim faces from their abuser.... so you can’t even say he would have had a bad reaction, especially when you give examples of him doing exactly the opposite, apologizing for things that made other people uncomfortable WHEN theyve actually communicated to him that they were uncomfortable with it)

 -Those are signs that you are too overinvested and too parasocially invested with a person to have an honest relationship with them

like, heck these things aren’t even unique to partnerships, you should be able to communicate when anyone around you is making you uncomfortable, even friends, but if you can’t and the only reason you can’t is because of a parasocial investment in that person, that’s not healthy on your end

Danny sure seems to have been a little bit at fault for building up the fantasy of catching feelings for a famous dude when he intended one night stands, is that the best way to have navigated the situation? No probably not, but to a person who doesn’t have a parasocial relationship with him, this behavior would just be disappointing when the fantasy fizzled out, it’s not inherently harmful

after that point, if after the fact a person who had any sort of interaction with them felt hurt by the experience, there honestly is not much more a content creator could have done to mitigate that, in fact Vinesauce I think seems at least more aware of the parasocial thing and tried more strongly to vet the people he was with to not be those kind of people, but again people aren’t mind readers and nothing will ever be foolproof like that, and I guess some people even took him trying to vet that kind of behavior as hurtful in and of itself, (they took him venting about previous parasocial relationships he had and how paranoid and upsetting they were to him, and took it as some sort of threat against them personally, like they were trying to mindgame what exactly he was telling them, assuming he was saying something else that he wasn’t, which, is assumptions that live entirely in their own minds) but I’m just sitting here like, what else could they have done?

I get that people who had sexual relationships with these people could come away feeling really awful about it, feeling manipulated or duped in some way, but what else could have been done to prevent that from happening other than the people in question just, never interacting with anyone? Which is not a realistic solution, and doesn’t fix the problem of the victim in question moving on and getting starstruck by someone else and having it happen it all over again

If these people want to make friends, want to make relationships with anyone, want to have casual sex, want to have any sort of human connection, there unfortunately gonna have to sort the people they encounter into two different groups, people who have parasocial relationships with them and people who don’t, (and this is NOT people are fans of them and people who are not, you can be a fan and not get caught into the parasocial thing) and it is impossible to get this correct in every single individual social experience that theyre gonna have with every single individual human being, regardless if it’s a sexual relationship or not

in conclusion, I really do hope the people who were hurt by all this can truly heal and move on eventually from this, in no way am I trying to lessen their experiences, but I really don’t think other people deserved to be hung from the gallows over this, it’s no one person’s fault, neither the fan’s or the content creator’s, it’s just a messy interpersonal situation

I believe the correct thing to do is spread awareness about the warnings signs that you might be falling into a parasocial relationship, more effort needs to be put into what this looks like, what it feels like, how to avoid it, how to mitigate it, and how to regulate the very real feelings of love and affection someone might have for a person they see all the time in media but don’t have a real connection with, with the understanding of yeah, if you really can’t enter a casino without losing your life savings, a very real conversation needs to be had if you should even be entering these casino’s/watching their content at all

#my main conflict over this post is is this actually helpful at all or is this just hurting stirring things up more #I don't believe my position is an unreasonable one to have #and i do believe there is something to be gained from reading it #but i don't want to hurt anyone either

[skeletalroses]

I was going to submit this anonymously to one of the bigger aspec blogs but it got so long that I’d feel like a pain in the ass. I’m posting this because I’ve recently landed in a bit of a difficult situation in the vein of Just Aroace Things, and I’m not sure what to do or even how to feel. I’m hoping to get some advice from the community re: a topic that comes up from time to time---navigating roommate/housing situations as an aroace, particularly when your potential roommate’s romance fucks you over.

I met my best friend, A, our sophomore year of college when we got paired up via roommate lottery. We clicked right away and had a blast living together. Unfortunately it only lasted a year, since the best option for my major was to transfer to another campus while for her it was best to stay put. We’ve known each other for nine years now and live in different states, but we visit regularly and had always talked about living together again once we both moved away from our parents.

I’m aroace, sex- and romance-repulsed. A is super considerate and supportive of this. She even discovered recently that she’s demisexual (which she learned about while researching the symbolism of the asexual flag! On her own, completely unprompted! Because she thought it would help her understand me more! See? Super supportive!). She is, however, very, very alloromantic. Up until now this has just been one more facet of our overall odd-couple dynamic (I’m an Addams and she’s a Disney fairy), which has always been something we’ve laughed at and reveled in.

A couple months ago, however, A moved out of her parents’ place and in with her boyfriend of a few years. I’m still with my parents, which suits me fine for the time being, but I eventually want to move out. Like I said, A and I have long talked about living together. We never made any specific plans, but I’ve asked her before to verify that yes, this is a thing we’re both Actually down to do when the time’s right. But that was a good while ago, before she moved in with Boyfriend. We visited last weekend and I brought up the subject again, because I’ve been unsure about it since that whole development.

“Feel free to say no; I won’t be offended; I just want to know how my options stand at this point. We’ve talked in the past about rooming together again. With Boyfriend in the picture now, is that still on the table?”

A’s answer: “Boyfriend has a lot of anxiety, so probably not. Sorry. He doesn’t even like having his family stay over. You’re welcome to stay a few days but not for like weeks on end.”

This was a calm conversation had over cocktails in the mall. She asked to make sure my parents weren’t threatening to kick me out or anything; I assured her that they weren’t, and I wasn’t moving anytime soon, and it’s okay that my rooming with her is out.

Only I’m not that okay with it. I wasn’t confident she’d say yes, but I did kind of think it was likely, and moreover I’m realizing how much I was unconsciously banking on that plan. I’ve been sans income during the pandemic, and I have a fuckton of economic anxiety to begin with. A’s a STEM major in a big city who easily found a solidly-paying job right out of college. She gets promotions and raises and shit. I’m a humanities major in the middle of Bumfuck, Nowhere where all my impressive qualifications (which I do have) can’t get me anything with a living wage below management level, let alone something in my field. And I’m never going to have that built-in cohabitant in the form of a romantic or sexual partner that allos like A can take for granted. A was the person I could split costs with so as to maybe live semi-decently with someone compatible. Without her, my chances of having that have plummeted.

And it’s all because she got a romosexual partner. This guy who’s known her half as long as I have; who never worked her through the trials and eventual breakup of her previous long-term, engaged-to-be-engaged relationship; who has himself caused her massive amounts of grief, suffering, and sometimes outright danger through his inability to competently handle the drama in his personal life that should never have touched her, all while her mother would write letters to me asking me to come visit because, actual quote, A only smiles when I’m around. He was the reason she would be too depressed to function, and I had to long-distance therapize her through it even though she refused to take the basic step of leaving this grown-ass man at least until he got his shit together, because “he needs me.”

It’s like this dude calls the shots in A’s and my relationship now. I hadn’t seen her in seven months because every time we planned a weekend to hang out, it’d get canceled because Boyfriend wanted to go see his family or something (and he can’t do that without her, I fucking guess). Even this last visit got cut down to overnight when it was supposed to be the long weekend, because Boyfriend wanted to make other plans. And now my best option for future living arrangements is apparently down the shitter because of him. It’d have been one thing if A doesn’t want to live with me anymore because she and he need their allo space or whatever the fuck couples do (still amatonormative and lousy for me). But as far as I understand, it’s not even that. It’s not her. It’s Boyfriend. A and I can be planning something for the two of us for weeks, for months, for years, then it all goes away in a minute because ehh, it kinda cramps Boyfriend’s style. I’m, as A called me, her “best friend soulmate.” I Was Here First. I never fucking made her cry. But I can’t kiss her or fuck her, so I automatically take a backseat to the one who can. I don’t need to be her Number One, but I don’t appreciate being pushed aside at Boyfriend’s every whim.

A, I’m sure, doesn’t realize how it looks from my angle. I know she cares about me and doesn’t want me to feel devalued. She’s just an oblivious alloro. I’m not even sure Boyfriend’s intentionally hogging her. (To be clear, I don’t think he’s a bad person; I’ve only met him a handful of times but I reliably clock my friends’ truly shitty partners on less. I haven’t heard about any crises in the past year or so, so I guess he’s finally managing his baggage well enough that A’s life can go smoothly and not suck.) I’m not unsympathetic to anxiety either; I’m chronically mentally ill and I’ve had my share. And I get we’re little more than strangers at this point. But I hate that he can just singlehandedly veto me and A rooming together ever. It’s much more of a blow to my likely quality of life than he or A---or tbh even I did, before this point---realize.

I hate feeling like I’m being jealous and needy. Maybe A just genuinely likes him better and it’s not only an amatonormative thing. I know I’m not entitled to live with her; it’s not like we promised or anything. But the option getting shut down really made me realize how much I resent not having it, and how much I kind of resent Boyfriend in general.

Which brings me to the asking-for-advice part, to the maybe two people who’ve read this far. Aspecs on here have talked about how amatonormativity fucks over single people and especially aros in terms of housing and life in general. Has anyone dealt with a situation like mine? How do you manage the amatonormative behavior of people in your life snatching your prospects out from under you, or feeling like it has? Is my reaction even reasonable? If so, how should I bring it up to A? This would be the closest thing we’ve ever had to a conflict, and also I’m...not great at being vulnerable. I can’t even vagueblog about these topics because my social media presence is limited to Tumblr and hers to Facebook. Hell, maybe I should just forget it for now, since I’m not changing housing anytime soon anyway, and cross that bridge when I get to it. I wouldn’t ask her to leave him, since their relationship seems to be going a lot smoother than it had been. But goddamn, am I filled with aroace salt about this.

#aromantic #amatonormativity #arophobia #asexual #aroace #might delete this later #sorry about the rant #why this is hell nor am I out of it

[not-xpr-art]

Art Advice #6 - Ways to combat social media fatigue as a creative person

Hi guys!

This week’s topic is something I think any artist who’s predominantly active on social media will relate to; that feeling of utter helplessness at trying to live up to social media algorithms, which can really impact your mental and physical health...  

I want to just offer some advice on how to feel less burnt out from art social media (advice I need to take myself sometimes)...

Ways to combat social media fatigue as a creative person (& how you can make social media overall a better place to be).

As I’ve already said, social media can take a big toll on your mental and physical health, particularly if you’re relying on it for your career (as a lot of artists and other creatives do). 

This blog post aims to offer some small pieces of advice to help make your life a little easier when navigating the world of art social media!

1) Algorithms are built to destroy creativity.

I think we’ve all had that phase where we try and keep up with the fast paced algorithms of social media that demand we produce new content day after day, as well as constantly interacting with other people’s posts and spending a minimum amount of time on the app. And all of this leads to feeling fed up and tired when you’re using that particular social media. 

For me, Instagram used to be such a wonderful place for sharing art. I met many amazing fellow artists, and the community that was formed their was genuinely lovely. Unfortunately, everything changed when the fire nation (Facebook) bought out the company & the whole site became so less friendly to smaller creatives. 

I’ve heard a similar story from a lot of artists, who find Instagram’s focus on excessive posting and engagement, which mainly rewards big influencers or celebrities and not smaller accounts of creative people, incredibly disheartening. The algorithms don’t allow artists to naturally explore their creativity, and it leads to more and more artists getting just completely creatively burnt out.

Of course, this all sounds really pessimistic, but it doesn’t have to be. For me, places like Tumblr and the newly created Artfolapp, which (although not perfect) offer a great alternative to the algorithm heavy apps like Instagram, Facebook or Twitter. As with all socials, there’s a huge element of luck that comes with posting art (timezones, audience, etc can all play major parts in how well your art does), but I always find places where posting doesn’t feel like a chore are a lot more enjoyable.

Alternatively, as simple as it sounds I think a great way to start approaching all social media is to not focus on numbers. Instagram actually recently gave the option of being able to hide likes on others and your own posts, which I actually think is a great idea! Once you become less focused on numbers I think you can breathe a little easier!

2) Numbers =/= Your worth as a creative person.

Following on from my last point, it can often feel like if you’re posts aren’t getting as much attention as you used to then there’s something wrong with the work your doing. 

Of course, this isn’t true at all, and most of us know this. Unfortunately if your posts are a part of your work, and the engagement they have is directly linked to how successful in your job you are (and how much money you make that week), then numbers are a lot harder to ignore. 

My biggest piece of advice for this is to visualise the numbers as what they are; people actually interacting with your work! So even if it’s only 1 person, that’s still 1 entire person who enjoyed what you posted! 

3) Luck be a b*tch, honestly ...

As previously mentioned, there is a lot of luck that comes with being successful on social media. Luck of posting in the right place at the right time, having one person with a bigger platform share your art, etc. 

So there isn’t a lot of advice I can give in this section. One thing I’d recommend is involving yourself in a particular community or fandom. Even if you don’t do fancontent, finding a community where you can meet like-minded people and support each other’s work is a really useful thing!! 

For fancontent (like fan art, edits, cosplay, covers, etc) you can just check out the tags of those fandoms! Even if it’s a small fandom, there is usually some content that already exists for it. Often by following a range of people in the various fandoms you enjoy can also lead to fun opportunities, like fan-zines or collaborations! 

For non-fancontent it can feel like it’s a lot harder to find people to relate to. One thing I’d recommend is to find independent magazines online which specialise in sharing creative works! This can offer great chances to get your work featured, as well as meeting some fellow creatives!

Basically, curating your social media experience to feature people that inspire you & support you not only makes for a more enjoyable time being on social media, but it also means there’s more potential your work will be seen!

4) Passion Pays.

Audiences often know when you’re producing something because you feel like you have to (perhaps it’s fancontent for something you gained a lot of followers from, or a particular style that you’ve done for a long time) rather than from genuine passion, and that can be to your detriment.

My advice is to do what you’re actually passionate about, even if that means that some people may not be as interested. For example, I gained a significant portion of my followers on other social medias from posting Kpop fanart. And although I still do this occasionally, I only ever really do it when it’s something I really want to draw. Even though I know I could churn out a lot of Kpop content that those people who followed me for it would really like, I also like drawing other things & going out of my comfort zone in art. 

And I know that the people who still follow and support me now understand this, and often appreciate that I draw things I’m unabashedly passionate about! It has also made me a lot happier overall with my own work, since I feel like I’m constantly pushing myself to do new and interesting things for me, and not to fulfil the interests of others! 

This can also include a complete turn around of the kinds of things you create, by the way! If you’ve been a 2D artist for ages, but suddenly develop a passion for 3D sculpture, then go for it! Those who are still interested in your work will stick around. As well as this, you’ll grow an entirely new audience with the new creative outlet you start sharing! It’s honestly a win-win situation, and don’t let the fear of people not accepting the change hold you back!

5) TAKE BREAKS!

Possibly the most important piece of advice in this post is to remember to take a break from social media! Even if it’s something you rely on for your job, and the algorithms demand you spend time on them, try to take periods of time during your day to switch off from it. 

Another thing I would also suggest is taking breaks from posting things. I did this in January because I wanted a break from forcing myself to live up to the hell of a posting schedule. I still did art, but without the pressure of having to post things I was able to take time and have a little more fun with it! 

A final thing in this part that I’d suggest is taking breaks from doing creative stuff occasionally. If you’re anything like me, you probably spend nearly every day doing or at least thinking about creative things. And that can become very tiring! Whether it’s taking a week, a few days, or entire months, remember that your creativity and skill aren’t just going to disappear if you take a break from it for a bit! 

I think creative people tell themselves that if they don’t keep posting, then people are going to stop supporting their work. But in my experience, people stick around even if you haven’t posted something in years! Because if someone enjoys your work, then they’re going to stick around regardless! 

TL/DR

Basically to sum up, social media can be hell to navigate with it’s obsessive algorithms and posting schedules. But if you allow yourself to adapt to other sites/apps that don’t rely on those things, don’t fixate on numbers, curate your experience to both be inspiring and supportive, let your passion shine through, and remember to take breaks, then social media can become a lot more enjoyable! 

I hope this post was somewhat helpful to anyone who struggles with this... I have to admit that I often don’t take my own advice in regard to social media, but I thought me posting this could help both of us out lol!

Check out my other Art Advice posts here if you’re interested!

#art advice #social media #art social media #creative people #social media advice #artist advice #advice #this is about 1400 words long btw... not the longest thing i've ever written but also not the shortest hmm #also as always feel free to message me if you want any more advice #or if you want me to write a post about something specific??? #can be about literally anything art related!!

[labyrinthof-fan-fiction]

Two Ships Passing in the Night {5}

Part 5

Series Masterlist

Spock x fem!Reader then Bones x fem!Reader

AOS

Summary: Spock has been thinking, Leonard has been seething, and unfortunately, they are on the same ship.

A/N: Hello, I reread the beginning of this and realized that I had some deeeeeeep plot holes, so now I am going to try to remedy them and create a cohesive plot….. While emphasizing some angst, and feelings…. If you’re still reading this, you’re a great being and deserve all the best things. So here’s some flashbacks and moods to tape this together. Also, just needed some angsty boys.

Warnings: Language.

Word Count: 2,069

Spock found himself inside your hospital room, he felt that he owed you explanations. Even though you were leaving the Enterprise for your own ship. You deserved closure from him, that much had been conveyed by Prime.

“I plan to stay on board the Enterprise. Prime, intends to remain with New Vulcan and aid in the growth of the community.” Spock said, direct, to the point. “Uhura and I have grown closer, we are going to see where this goes.”

“I see.” You murmured quietly, glancing up as Dr. Ambrose came into the room.

“Well, you and the child’s vitals look good. At the moment I do not see any complications due to the Vulcan genetics. I think that’s in part….” She stopped when she saw Spock sitting next to your bed. “Hello.” She murmured, raising an eyebrow in your direction.

You sat stiffly in bed watching Spock process what he had heard. The doctor continued speaking when you tilted your head, at this point there wasn’t a reason to stop her. The cat was out of the bag. Spock remained quiet while you continued your conversation with the doctor.

Spock could feel his mind racing with the information he now had. You were pregnant, with his child. A child who could be integral to the future of his home world. To the Vulcan race. The potential was so great, but the child would only be a fourth Vulcan. He remembered the distain he had been exposed to as a child by being half Vulcan. Did he want to expose a child to this? Perhaps there would be a shift in the culture due to the current circumstance? His mind continued to jump through hoops. Then he heard the sound of someone else at the door.

His glanced over to see Dr. McCoy at the door in his medical blues. Intense eyes staring directly at you in the bed, his focus kept him from even noticing Spock in the room. There was a look in his eyes that Spock knew he could never give you. It was completely illogical, but Spock knew he had to step away from the situation, because while he cared about you and the child. Leonard McCoy would care for both of you in ways he never could. The child would know love, be cared for, in ways he had never been. He would never give up his Vulcan life, the way he was raised, but he would not choose it for another who was not fully Vulcan.

He glanced at you, confusion evident in your eyes. He had remained silent through all the doctor had said. Most men would have an emotional response to the news of becoming a father, he was not most men. The best option for all involved, would be for him to remove himself. He stood from the chair, making short eye contact with McCoy, “Doctor.” He greeted, turning back to you. “Congratulations again, Captain.” He murmured, turning on his heel and leaving the hospital room. The last thing he heard was you telling McCoy that you had not told him. His eyebrow raised, while it wasn’t a total lie, but it was a lie by omission. Spock didn’t know much about your relationship with the Doctor, but he knew you didn’t lie to him.

Nyota found him meditating in his room that evening. He could feel her hovering in the doorway as he concentrated on his breathing.

“Spock, do you want to talk about it?” She asked quietly coming to sit at his side.

He remained silent for a moment as he considered his words. “She’s pregnant and the child is mine. I would not have known if the doctor had not revealed it to me. If you were her, would you hate me?”

She sighed and turned to look into his eyes. “I don’t think there is a single ounce of hatred in even her little finger. I imagine she is hurting, confused, maybe even a bit scared. But I doubt that she hates you.”

“Do you think the child…..would they hate me, as a father?” He gazed down at his hands.

She bit her lip. “Children love their parents, it’s what their parents do through their lifetime that determines how that love grows.”

Spock nodded at her statement, “Would I be a good father?”

Nyota reached out and rested her hand on the nape of his neck. “I believe that you have the potential for greatness in anything you do, even as a father.”

Would I be a better father than Leonard McCoy? He wondered as she pulled him into an embrace.

Being aboard the Enterprise was relatively the same as it always had been for Spock. Jim inevitably lead them into some kind of minor peril, against the logical path, and was lectured by the doctor when he was injured. Spock could not navigate the new relationship he had with Dr. McCoy. He was used to the man’s casual distain for his existence. But now it was personal and both men knew why. Logically, Spock should have found a way to relieve the tension and turmoil between himself and the doctor. Perhaps informing the Captain of the tension between the members of the Enterprise should have been a priority for the first mate. But unfortunately, Spock let his emotions dictate this matter, which is what lead to the incident.

Leonard was having a bad day, a horrible day, possibly the worst day of his miserable existence. Jim had decided to jump headfirst into an unexplored planet that had lifeforms, very angry, territorial lifeforms, causing Leonard to barely have a few seconds of rest. Once he was sure that the crew members were stable he made his way into his office for a short break. He pulled up his PADD hoping for an update from Ambrose, but the messages were blank.

“No news is good news.” He murmured to himself, setting the PADD on his desk. “We’re in the middle of unknown space, it might still be transmitting.” His fingers tapped nervously on the desk. He knew that with the current timeline you would be getting important news about the baby’s growth, potential genetic anomalies, the sex. And he wasn’t there, and the father wasn’t there. He let out a frustrated huff of air and glanced up at the form that darkened his doorway. “Jim you have already given me more than enough work today, what the hell do you want?”

Spock stepped into the light, “I’m afraid I’m not the captain, doctor.”

“And I repeat, what the hell do you want?” Leonard asked, letting the venom leak into his voice.

“I was hoping that we could have a discussion.” Spock said, tilting his head towards the chair across from the doctor’s.

Leonard reluctantly gestured to the chair. “Did I use to many bandages after the away mission?” He grumbled.

Spock gritted his teeth, this was not going to be an easy discussion. “I’m here to talk to you about the mother of my child.”

Leonard’s eyes flicked with an emotion that Spock could not read. “And why are you talking to me about this?”

“I think we both know why.” Spock answered.

“So she decided to tell you?” Leonard asked, glancing down at his PADD, which still remained dark.

“Not exactly.” Spock answered, the doctor raised his eyebrow in a question. “The doctor revealed it in front of me when I visited her before the mission.”

“So you’ve known all this time,” Leonard started, hurt rising in his chest. You had lied to him, that day, you had lied to his face. “And you haven’t done a damn thing for her.”

Spock prepared his words carefully. “I know it is no secret to either of us that if she had her way I would not be aware of the child’s existence. I hardly believe she wants me involved.”

Leonard’s hand slammed down on his desk. “You are just as responsible for that child as she is, and whether she wants you involved or not, you should have offered something. You just left her. You fucked her, got her pregnant, and you left. You knew and you walked away.” Leonard’s voice began rising in volume. “She loved you and you just walked out. I was there after you left and dammit I saw her heart break.”

“And she loves you more than she could ever love me.” Spock snapped quickly.

The doctor paused in his rant, confusion in his eyes. “You expect me to take anything you say to heart, you’re basically a walking computer program.”He scoffed, but he could feel that thought taking hold in the back of his mind.

Spock sighed, he knew that reasoning would not work with the doctor, particularly in his current state. And he would never admit it, but he could feel something boiling in his stomach as the conversation continued.

Leonard’s PADD lit, breaking the tension between the men. His fingers flitted across the screen, eyes softening. Spock could feel he was overstaying his welcome as the doctor continued to furiously scan the PADD screen. He rose from the chair, stopping in the doorway as he heard the doctor call after him. “For what it’s worth, it’s a boy.”

Spock’s shoulders relaxed and he turned back to the man at the desk for a moment, his eyes meeting his. “Thank you.”

“I’m not doing this for you.” The doctor answered, going back to the PADD. Spock nodded and exited the room. He knew that he and the doctor’s relationship was far from friendship, but he was fairly certain that the doctor was not going to punch him the next time he walked into the medical quarters. He wandered through the halls until he made it to his quarters, he picked up his PADD from his bedside table.

“I’m having a son.” He murmured, a small smile tugging at his lips. His mind wandered to thoughts of his mother, she would be excited to be a grandparent. Maybe not proud of how the child came to be, but she would love the child, like she loved him. He felt a tear roll down his cheek as he began to type his message to you.

I owe you an explanation for my actions. I know that I did not react to the news that was revealed to me, without your consent. I know that I will have a child in this world in a few months. I am responsible for them coming into this universe.

I have spent much time these past few weeks reflecting on my time with my mother. She was kind and I know without a doubt that she loved me, and I her. The human emotion of love is one that for years I repressed to be more like my father and his world, only to learn that he too felt love in his own way, in his own expression. As a child I did not understand this expression, only that of my mother. It is through her expression that I know the kind of mother you will be. You will be strong, you will be kind, caring, and above all, loving.

The life of this child will be better without me in it. The universe does not require more of me, it requires more of you. You are good, you are kind, you are caring. You are everything that I am not. This child will grow into a good and just person because you care for them. I ask you to raise them as you were. If they ever know me is not important, it is important that they know you. If either of you require anything, know that I will do what I can in my power to be sure you have it. If you require anything of me to provide for raising the child, you will have it. But you will not have me. The responsibility of their livelihood does not solely rest upon your shoulders, I played an equal part.

I cannot offer them care or kindness, only logic. Logic does not make a parent, love does. I fear I am incapable of the love that is required to be a parent. But you are not, nor is he. And he loves you more than I ever could.

Live long and prosper.

Taglist:

@elizabeththefandomgirl​

@cobe76

#Leonard Bones McCoy #spock #commander spock #nyota uhura #spock x uhura #spock x reader #leonard x reader #leonard mccoy/reader #spock/reader #star trek aos #star trek aos imagine #star trek imagine #star trek fic #reader insert

[absynthe--minded]

How differently do you see elves and humans in eqrly tolkien handling trauma and neurodivergent situations that in the third age when the two races have more time to compare like healer notes and stuff?

oh! oh I like this question.

(disclaimer: everything here is based on my own headcanons. Tolkien clearly depicted mental illness in his works, though it’s more present in LotR than in the Silm, but he didn’t ever diagnose his characters and didn’t go into detail examining their mental states from an academic or analytical perspective except to defend Frodo for breaking under Sauron’s influence)

the first thing I want to say is that I pretty strongly headcanon all of the eldar regardless of ethnic group (and all dwarves, and all hobbits, but they’re not really the focus of this ask) as neurodivergent compared to the average human population. neurodivergence exists in humans too! there are autistic and ADHD humans because we’ve always existed in humanity. but the average human is (sadly) neurotypical, and if you use diagnostic standards meant to find out which humans are ND and turn them on elves, the answer you get is “all elves are ND”. some elves (Maitimo comes to mind in my headcanons) are ND-by-elvish-standards, and learning disabilities and cognitive disabilities also exist in elvish neurology? but there are differences in how these traits manifest.

Elves in the First Age really don’t know much about psychology but it’s not for lack of trying. Even in our world, psychology is a very new science, and a lot is being discovered about it pretty regularly that requires constant updates and development of knowledge. They see trauma as something that causes a mental wound, and that mental wound can be as impactful and lasting as a physical wound, but they’re not really sure how to address chronic illness. Míriel’s postpartum depression was the first real example of their “mental wound” model failing - she not only didn’t get better over time, she didn’t seem to want to. That being said, her death was also a catalyst for elven healers to try and learn from their society’s mistakes, and by the time of Maitimo’s recovery in Mithrim (in BH) you have Endanáro and Amdis saying that he needs to devote time and energy to healing his mind and accepting that he’s not okay. It’s well-meaning, but awkward, and very new.

Elves also struggle for the first five generations or so with the concept of emotional maturity. I’ve mentioned before that Finwë fails as a parent because he and others of his generation based childrearing on what they observed in animals, where there’s support and intimacy and duties assumed by the parent until physical maturity - he didn’t think that Fëanáro might have needed emotional support or that his responsibilities included forming a psychologically healthy space, because he was never a child, and had nothing to draw on personally, and the children who were born in Cuiviénen and on the Great Journey are very different psychologically from his son and so can’t provide much of an opinion on his parenting techniques.

Humans, on the other hand - they start in the same place, but they pick up on things a lot faster, if only because they’ve got generational turnover happening fast compared to the elves. There are a lot more children, since humans don’t have the level of control over their lives that elves do and unplanned pregnancy is a pretty normal occurrence, and they mature pretty quickly and then have kids of their own. Trial and error and passing on knowledge the same way elves do (communally, from one person to another) means it’s pretty easy to get information about basically anything once you’ve got a couple centuries under your belt as a people group.

The thing about neurodiversity is that it’s not really something that was a problem historically in the same way it’s a problem now. If you’ve got a kid who doesn’t talk much but who’s really good at making baskets and never gets tired of it, or a kid who loves to talk and tell stories but who loses track of time and can’t keep a good count on weaving, or who absorbs information about the natural world like a sponge but can’t navigate a social function to save their life? you can use that, in a society that’s not ours! you need craftspeople, and storytellers and historians, and healers and hunters - find a thing this kid can do well and thrives on, and let them loose. (Also, ND people with different circadian rhythms can keep watch more easily or keep different schedules to attend to the animals.) I actually think ND elves had a harder time than ND humans, originally, because elvish society was more formalized more quickly - it’s easier to find out you don’t fit into a box if there’s a box in the first place. (by “harder time” I mean that there was uh. one? one case? of “I’m the head of this family you will have the life I say you have you will be good at what I want you to be good at and you will not question me or defy me.” this was not the norm for elvish society but that kind of thing didn’t really have the opportunity to exist for First Age Atani.)

But time passes, the world changes, and with those changes comes shifts in... well, everything. By the Third Age, elvish healers and Mannish healers have gotten very good at figuring out trauma, though their situations have actually reversed in many ways. Elves are now more or less nonexistent as a settled-agriculture civilization, with Mirkwood and Lothlórien being the only real exceptions (and Lórien is on its way out) while Men have formal, structured, settled civilization. As a result I think you see a lot more trouble in the more formal Mannish societies with neurodivergence, but a lot less potential for trouble in elvendom.

As to notes, though - yeah, actually, I think there would be a lot of time to do comparisons! Most of that scholarship is probably in Rivendell - I think there might have been the beginnings of a psychological-study group in the Gwaith in Ost-in-Edhil, especially because of all the races working together and the chances for comparisons? And their writings probably escaped in bits and pieces, as well as some of the scholars; Elrond would have collected everything he could. Unfortunately, Sauron really killed the spirit of cooperation and interspecies friendliness that existed in Eregion, so I’m not sure how much of that would survive into the Third Age proper. Interested scholars would have to travel to Rivendell, perhaps to interview the surviving scientists, and maybe take some of their findings back to Minas Tirith or Dol Amroth or Lothlórien, perhaps with copies of some of the writing. (How seriously this scholarship is taken is a different matter)

If I were to offer a basic overview of what the average academic might find - I think an elvish scholar from the Third Age would be surprised at how much Mannish civilizations have changed, and they’d be impressed by the breadth and depth of trauma writing from places like Minas Tirith where there’s always a war on somewhere. Meanwhile mannish scholars from Arnor or Gondor would be surprised at the fact that elves write about and study trauma at all - they’d probably learn about Míriel and Fëanáro in history classes and assume that elves just don’t have trauma psychology, only to find out that several thousand years’ worth of academic study has lent a few results. I’m not sure if either side has much to offer the other except when it comes to the intersection of trauma and neurodivergence - ND humans are a lot like “normal” elves, after all, and elvish techniques for addressing and treating PTSD and other related trauma disorders might be more helpful than human techniques. But what humans have works for them, more or less? They’re a lot less rigid and structured and ableist as a society than humans in our world are, even at their most formal. (Plenty of individual humans are still super ableist or rigid or unfair! it’s just not a social norm, and it’s not an institutionalized axis of oppression.)

#replies #anon replies #absynthe's meta #tolken #this is a Long Post guys

[hello-im-not-a-possum]

Can we get a fic of Everyone's first reaction to snowflake?

“Everyone was used to supernatural bullshit and as the toons already existed for several years now, they already knew that the Ink could create life. So while there was a bit of shock for some at the thought of the Janitor being the new father of a toon of his own, they mostly congratulated Wally on his new son and/or gave him parenting advice.”

...Sorry, this feels like a cop out, so we just gotta throw a child into a different dimension for kicks and giggles and character development.

Knowing the magic user's history with this kind of thing, Snowflake couldn't help but feel nervous when he saw Joey painting a large circle on the wall and intricate symbols within the said circle.

"G-grandpa Joey, what are you doing?"

"Opening a portal to a different dimension." The animator replied nonchalantly. "An important key ingredient for several reversal spells no longer seems to exist in this one, so I'm getting more from the closest one that has a lot of it before the Ink starts acting up again."

"Oh?" The little devil looked intrigued, the last time a visitor from another dimension came to their own, he was strange, but friendly! And wondered what the rest of that dimension, or other ones like it were like. "Can I come? I-I'll be good I promise!"

"Well..." Joey brushed his mustache in thought as the portal started to open. "Other dimensions can be quite unpredictable, especially ones where magic is much more secretive than it is in our own, I don't think the studio on the other side even has living toons yet!" The animator fidgeted with his collar. "And given the track record other Joeys have with their own studios and magic, I don't think it's smart for me to take you..."

"Pleeeeeaaaaasse!" the imp begged. "I promise that I'll stay close and not run off! ...unless it's an emergency."

"Hmm..."

The magic user narrowed his eyebrows and continued to stroke his mustache as he thought about the potential consequences for bringing Snowflake along. The thought of a distraught Wally discovering that he had taken his son somewhere dangerous and the kid got hurt as a result had made the man immune to the imp's otherwise irresistible puppy eyes, but the Ink behind the imp slowly rising from a puddle to a featureless figure that was making threatening gestures made him quickly realize that the consequences for NOT bringing Snowflake along might be even worse than taking him.

"Okay."

"Yay!" the little devil cheered, taking Joey by the hand and pulling him through the portal. "C'mon! Let's go see what other dad's like!"

"Wait, wait, wait, wait," the old man gave a sharp tug on the speckled imp as he tried to run off and knelt down to be closer to his eye level. "This is *just* a last-resort errand run, nothing more, nothing less. Now that we're here, we are going to find the ingredient, get it and get out. Ideally, we won't even come across our alternate selves, let alone speak to them!"

"Why?"

Joey looked around nervously before bringing his voice down to a whisper and gestured for Snowflake to do the same.

"Because of the butterfly effect we'll bring here! How do you think the Wally on this side will react when you tell him you're his son from a different dimension when where he's from, magic is genuinely not real for him?"

"...He'll freak out?"

"Yes! Not only will he freak out but he'll probably tell everyone he knows! Including this world's Joey, who judging by his nickname; "That shi- shoot heel puppeteer", is the last person who needs to know about magic, let alone how to use it..."

"Oh. Yeah, that doesn't sound good..." the imp agreed as he suddenly regretted his decision. "Do you think it's too late to throw me back-"

The pair gazed at the now blank spot on the wall where they came from.

"...Unfortunately yes, so stay close and put on a disguise."

"I-I didn't bring one..." the imp sheepishly responded. "...Sorry, I got too caught up in the excitement."

Joey sighed deeply as he took off his glasses and sweater vest, putting them on the kid toon instead.

"It's not the best, but it'll do for now as long as we don't stick around long enough for them to see past it, so let's hurry out of here!"

Snowflake nodded and guided Joey as he tried to navigate the similar-yet different studio. (The man did not wear glasses for the sake of aesthetic.)

The layout seemed similar enough, but there were less pipes running through the building, the colors were duller, the stale smell of tobacco, old coffee, sweat, and a coppery-earthy scent that reminded Joey of blood but wasn't quite similar enough for him to call it that lingered in every single room they entered, the employees that they passed might as well have been reanimated corpses with how drained of energy they looked, all of them didn't even so much as acknowledge the pair's presence.

That was, until, an unfamiliar-looking yet familiar sounding janitor took notice. The man didn't look like Snowflake's dad, he was a lanky fellow and wore the same hat that his own father wore to work, but the similarities in appearance stopped right there. This world's Wally had shaggy, dark brown hair, eyes so dark that they looked black, a crooked nose, and when he smiled at them, Snowflake could clearly see that the man was missing a tooth.

"Hey, how'd you two get in 'ere?"

Joey cursed under his breath before answering the other Wally.

"Well, I was just-"

The dimension-traveling duo suddenly felt dozens of angry eyes on them, which had melted into confusion and mild intriguement as they realized that the man who spoke looked more like a kindly grandpa with an odd-looking Bendy doll with him instead of their sleazy boss. The pair of outsiders were afraid they fucked everything up before to the relief of the pair and the horror to everybody else, they heard the voice of Sammy in the other room shouting "God dammit Joey! I told you time and time again to stay out of the music department!" followed by the revving of a chainsaw.

The animator was quick to realize his mistake as he cleared his throat and did his best 'sounds like a normal voice but isn't MY normal voice' voice.

"-I was just looking for a herbal shop nearby but got turned around. If one of you fine folks could give my grandson and I directions, we'll happily get out of your hair."

Wally frowned in confusion as he looked at the very obviously not-human creature who smiled meekly at him and waved. He shrugged off the mild weirdness as he remembered that he did know where an herbal shop was.

"Dat's all? No problem! Herbal shop's right next to a really good burgah joint, has a statue of a knight wranglin' a unicorn right outside da place, ya can't miss it, an' by extension, ya can't miss da herbal shop eithah."

"Why thank you, you're too kind..."

"Oh and uh, Sorry if da musicians 'ere freaked ya out." The janitor adjusted his hat, it now covered the man's eyes. "Our music director recently got re-hirahed but nobody's willin' ta forgive da boss ova what he put him through, not dat I blame 'em, I get jitteahs every time I think about it happenin' ta me too!"

Joey nodded sympathetically as he reached for his companion's hand and internally panicked as he couldn't find it.

---

Snowflake ran off, the eyes on his back and by proxy, the pressure of knowing that the fate of this world and his own was on his back was far too intense. In his mad rush, he had only made his situation worse with everywhere he ran as he had lost Joey's glasses on accident, which was a vital part of the disguise.

"Holy sheit! is that a bloody livin' toy?!"

"What in the goddamn... Bertrum! Come look! You gotta see this!"

"My word! What has Drew done?"

"Okay, this time I'm finally going to quit for real! I swear, these hallucinations are just getting worse every time I come into work!"

"It... it worked! Tom, look!"

"Or at least, this one looks better than the first model- Hey! Get back here!"

It was terrifying thinking about how these alternate versions of the people he knew and grew to love, ones who shared their voices and careers, but not appearances, memories, and experiences could very well be his enemies. Most chilling of all, he heard Joey's voice in the crowd.

"Well done Tommy! At least this one looked halfway presentable!"

He shuddered at the thought of that Joey getting his hands on him. He didn't even know where he ran off to, only that he had to escape from them, he then squeezed himself into a small crack in the wall, an easy feat for a boneless ink creature, not so much for anything else.

His heart pounded loudly against his chest, the little imp tried to hush it, and prayed that the noise wouldn’t give him away he just needed to calm down. But his prayers went unanswered as the 'click-clack' of a pair of high heels passed by, and a woman crouched down, possibly hearing him.

“Now how on earth did you manage to wedge yourself in there, little guy?”

He recognized that voice all right, he scooched deeper into his hiding spot, hoping she’d leave him alone. The woman, the Susie Campbell of this world judging by her voice, might’ve looked at him with concern, but something about her just felt… wrong to him. He knew of alternate realities, good ones, bad ones, and downright weird ones, but this one felt uncanny to him and he just wanted to go home, it wasn't outright worse than most dimensions, but it seemed so bleak and miserable.

Hopefully he was wrong, but as of right now, it felt like this was a world that wouldn't even so much as bat an eye at its own destruction.

"I-I shouldn't have asked in the f-first place..." he muttered to himself. "I s-should've j-just left Joey to do his errand and s-stayed out of it..."

"Hey," the woman gently knocked on the wall, all the imp could see of her was her face, a face that looked mostly normal except for her left eye, which looked glassy and didn't look at him like her right eye did. "Are you okay in there?"

Snowflake stayed quiet.

"Oh no..." the woman muttered to herself. "Don't panic, I'll go get help!"

She said as she left, but her words didn't make the little guy feel any better.

He slowly crawled out of his hiding spot, ready to hunt down another one while fighting off the guilt that came with making the other Susie worry about him, while her eye was weird, she seemed just as nice as the one from his own dimension.

What seemed less nice however, was the sudden cold, yet firm grip on his shoulder.

"You know, it's very rude ta ignore folks who's just tryin' ta help you."

"Eep!"

The imp spun around to face a man with a familiar voice, he was a tall, dark-skinned, older man with an eye patch on his right eye, had a thin frame, and attire that vaguely reminded Snowflake of a comic about a western vampire hunter that Buddy showed him.

"Awfully jumpy, aren't ya, kiddo?" Norman chuckled as he knelt down to his eye level. "I get that a lot from people. But in all seriousness, we can't just have yous wanderin' around wherever you please, this here studio's a dang deathtrap, even on the best of days."

"S-sorry Norman..." Snowflake adjusted Joey's sweater vest as a realization dawned on him: judging by the studio workers' lack of a surprised reaction to him, this world might be more magical than his own world's Joey assumed. "Hey, wait a minute, are toons real h-here too? Can I find Bendy, Alice and Boris around here?"

Norman raised an eyebrow in confusion, but thankfully for the imp's sake, he stayed calm.

"Mr. Drew's tryin' but he ain't got a dang thing ta show for it. Although, I'm kinda hoping he can't, it doesn't sit too right with me. Just call it a gut feelin', but I don't trust that anythin' good will come from him messing with things like that."

"Y-yeah..." Snowflake nodded. "I've been here for less than f-fifteen minutes and I think I can see exactly what you mean. This place's Joey seems so much worse than my Joey."

"Sorry ta hear that little guy..." Norman knelt down to the little demon. "So, would ya mind ta tell me about this 'other Joey?"

"Oh, sure thing!"

---

True to her word, when Susie returned, she brought over three people; Wally, Joey who was now wearing his slightly broken glasses (Who Snowflake was relieved to see), and a shirtless, long-haired man with a chainsaw in his hands.

He was tall and broad, had dark brown hair and tan skin, his eyes were a stormy gray, and they were sharp with a steadfast determination that made Snowflake feel nervous, the little imp felt like there was something deeply terrifying about this man, and not just because he was currently carrying a dangerous weapon. Although, he couldn't deny that he felt a sense of familiarity with this man that he had not felt with the others in this dimension.

Snowflake felt like he's met this man before.

"Alright, and he should be right here..." The voice actress trailed off as she saw the timid devil shyly wave at her, very much freed from his wall prison and seemed to be chatting with her favorite projectionist. "Oh! Hi Norman! Thanks for getting him out for us and keeping him company!"

"It was no problem, the kid wasn't half bad company."

"Ya know kid, we're glad ta see ya okay, but your grandpops and I was lookin' everywhere for you! Not gonna lie, ya gave us both a scare when ya ran off alone like dat."

"The fuck is that thing?"

"Sammy!" The woman elbowed the shirtless man in the ribs. "Be nice!"

"Alright..." The man rolled his eyes and gave a forced smile that showed off black gums and yellowish-grayish teeth that creeped Snowflake out (the smile itself, not the man's gums or teeth, judging by his smell, he was an avid smoker and it was at least normal for him to have a mouth like that, the smile however... he doesn't think a man's smile should be that wide.). As he lifted the little devil up by the shirt like a scruffed kitten, he presented him to Joey. "Now then, is this your lost little lamb?"

"Yes." Joey reached for the imp. "Please don't hold him like that."

"Nearest exit is down the hall, take a right turn when you reach the giant broken pipe that's leaking everywhere and hasn't been touched for at least a week." The man gestured fluidly as he still held up that creepy smile. "As... lovely as it was for you two to visit us and our little studio, we really should be getting back to work before Joey decides to fire and blacklist everyone in this room for loitering or something."

"Uh... thanks?" Joey suddenly snapped upright. "Wait, how are you all so calm about this?! All of you are barely even reacting over a living cartoon character right there!"

"Speaking of which do you know who doesn't need to know about that? Our boss. You claim you're not here for a meet and greet and I don't think this should turn into one. You got the information you came here for, now get what you needed from here and get out."

"Wow, you're a rather blunt fellow, aren't you?"

"You could say so."

"W-well, I-it was scary, but it was also nice meeting all of you! Maybe we should visit again later so we can know each other better!"

"Oooh! I'll look forward to it!" Susie smiled warmly. "Good luck with your ingredient hunt, boys!"

Sammy started to shove the pair down the hall as he felt they wouldn't leave otherwise.

"Yeah, yeah, goodbye and all that, see you soon, I won't forget to write... Have yourselves some happy travels! Goodbye again."

The musician led them out of the building and dusted off his hands as he returned to the others who did not look happy with him.

"That was very rude, Lawrence..." Susie scolded. "They just wanted our help!"

Wally shook his head but didn't add anything.

"And we gave it!” He hissed. “Do you really think it would be safe for them to stay and talk with the shitheel around? Especially after what he just did to us?! Do you want HIM to know that there's a different version of him who got everything he's wanted and more? What do you think he'll do to them when he finds them? Do you want to find out?"

Susie's face scrunched up in realization as the other two men uncomfortably shuffled in their spots.

"I thought so..."

"...Think they'll come back?" Norman piped up. "I kinda wanted to talk with that other Joey."

The musician shrugged.

"Do ya at least think we'll find a way ta get ta 'em ourselves?"

"Maybe? If they would a way here, I wouldn't be surprised if we could get there."

"Wanna look for a way there? Ya gotta admit you're curious what the other us are like too!"

"Hmm... Well, maybe after hours."

#Bendy and the Ink Machine #Hell's Studio AU #joey drew #snowflake the demon #wally franks #norman polk #susie campbell #sammy lawrence #fanfic

[alignwithmind]

Intuition Vs.Ego

So, I’m laying here on some cushions in this little sanctuary soul space I have created myself. I just feel so peaceful and connected here. Super aligned with my mind and tiny heart space. It’s like my anchor spot. Last night I had SO much fun. Literally like soul beaming fun and it just happened. There was no grand plan or anything, those are my fave times though when the good gets better and just unfolds with the best fun as you just are and trust in the moments and go with it.  I listened to this A M A Z I N G podcast about an hour ago. Weirdly (but not weirdly ~ thanks universe) it pretty much was exactly what I needed to hear. Universal vibrations are real. This is inspired from ‘Intuition Vs. Ego - Make Shift Happen With Samantha Daily’.

Intuition and Ego. I have heard things regarding intuition and prior to this, to me, it was like a gut feeling. Gut feelings are guardian angels right ~ I see intuition as like a feeling within your body that guides you to how you truely feel. Ego -I am only beginning to learn about ego. I thought it was just this personality trait that disregarded everyone or everything else, and because I’m such an empath, I thought it was a massive turn of. I am learning that an ego is somewhat yes a trait, but its more like that chatter in your head. That chatter that feeds you lots information. In fact, it can be too much to process. It can lie to you. There is a whole world about the ego. Anyway, this amazing podcast helped me understand how to identify and channel into knowing and aligning with your mind to become aware of which is which, and how to really like get more confident in tuning into intuition. ’I think that's what a lot of us are waiting for intuition. Unfortunately, it's never as obvious as you would like it to be and for a lot of us are waiting for that amazing life changing feeling of like ~ YES FOR SURE. This is without a doubt, what I should do. This is the next step for me. This is the direction I'm going in. I know that I can trust it because my intuition was so loud and so clear and yes, I feel affirmed and ready and here we go.  As much as I wish it was that loud and clear, that's just not how our intuition works. Until you start to lean into listening to your intuition more often and really get in tune with what it does feel and sound like for you, and start trusting it, then it eventually of course will become easier for you to trust it. You will feel like it's a lot more clear when your intuition is speaking to you because you have that experience of having heard it before and having trusted it and having leaned into it. But until we start to really recognise it and play this sort of re-wiring or game of like okay. I'm just going to go with it and trust it. It's hard for us to really know what it's telling us. I think the biggest thing is trusting what it's telling us.

Unfortunately, the intuition is is not going to be as obvious as you want it to be. Especially if you're moving through a period in life where you're kind of uncertain about where you're going or what the next step is for you or what's right for you. This could look like Am I in the right relationship? or am I in the right career? or Should I quit my job? Should I get a new job? Should I stay or should I go? All that kind of all that kind of energy of feeling like you're in limbo is when we tend to really want our intuition to come through and speak to us, guide us and feel like we have that guiding light, that voice. that all-knowing voice that's like you ~ should do this ~ but it's not it's not going to feel as obvious as that. The trick is to ~ identify what you feel like you should do, rather than what you think you should do ~ So intuition vs. ego is very much the difference between feeling and thinking. Intuition is is a feeling, not a thought, which is why we so often dismiss the Intuition or quickly push it down. Because it doesn't feel strong enough or a loud enough for us to fully trust it the same way that our thoughts do. Your logical mind will take you through all the scenarios and tell you know, this is safer. This is what you should do. This is what we can expect from this option.. etc etc that overwhelming chatter kind of laying everything out for you in this attempt of a neat little picture of what makes the most sense right? That is The Logical mind. That's the Ego! Intuition doesn't really work in the same way.

So, you know when you get that feeling.. like an intuitive light or something that's like nudging you towards a decision or towards the next step or towards something that's big or scarier difficult or new, you're going to feel that intuitive paying of like; go do this. This is what's next for you. Or maybe you should do this. Right ..but it's going to be really soft like a whisper like just a flash of a moment. It's really really quick and then immediately after that, your Ego/logical thoughts are going to come in and tell you why it's not a good idea, which is why it becomes so confusing to listen to our intuition. We have that tug of war going on inside of us. If I feel this one way, but my brain is telling me something else and this is because your brain, your logical mind, your ego is always trying to protect you.

That's the job that it has right? It's trying to hold you inside of your comfort zone and keep you within the bounds of familiarity so that literally you don't die. If we break it down to the most basic level, the reason why our brain does this the reason why we feel so we feel so convinced sometimes that staying within our comfort zone is the best option is because to our brain, we know that at least that this comfort zone is known, there's no immediate sort of danger that might cause death for us. That's like the very very basics of it. Your brain works FOR you, not against you. It will always prioritise keeping you alive, that its job. So even if your current situation is a relationship that's not fully serving you or it's not exactly what you deserve, or it may be even toxic or it's a job that you don't love that you're not passionate about or maybe even toxic too, whatever the situation is. The current circumstance that you're moving through, as long as it doesn't relate to you potentially dying, It's considered more safe than the unknown. 

Our Ego always operates from the mindset of ~ the devil you know is better than the devil that you don't know ~ which is why so many people find it so hard to leave relationships and to leave jobs, or move to different cities and to do different things with their life because they get convinced by their logical mind.  ~ No, no, like if you did that that could be even worse, like maybe no one will love you again if you leave this person and maybe you'll be alone forever or maybe you'll run out of time and you won't meet someone and then it'll be too late and then you can never have kids, like just stay, just stay here to stay with this person. This person loves you they provide for you,  it's good enough. Just stay. The Logical mind says Yeah, but maybe if you quit this job ..you'll be unemployed. And then you won't have enough money and then you'll have to move back in with your parents or you will be homeless or you'll have to ask your friends for help or ask your parents for money or you won't be able to pay your bills and you'll never get a job again, and then you'll have this weird gap in your resume and then nobody will want to hire you and once you have a thought, it triggers a feeling, which triggers another thought and it goes on and on and on and on and on.   All of those thoughts all of those fearful what if scenarios in your mind is the ego. It's trying to do its job. It's trying to bring you back to the comfort zone is trying to keep you safe by saying; Hey, we're you are isn't so bad. Right just be grateful. Like it's fine. We're not dead yet where you are is fine. Just stay here. Just stay here. Because beyond this experience, beyond this wall, if we were to leave this relationship or this job or the city or this whatever, who knows what could be out there? that could be even worse than what we have now. Alright, that's the story that The Logical mind tells us because to our brain unfamiliar always equals unsafe potential for danger.

That's what's going on for us. According to your mind staying where you are has a higher survival rate then stepping into this uncharted territory or breaking that boundary; going outside of the comfort zone. Staying where you are has a higher survival rate because we know what goes on here in this current reality, and we know that everything is relatively sort of fine. We're not dying. Even if it's a sucky situation or it's not an ideal situation. At least we know that it is relatively “safe”. ~ It's also a 100% guarantee that you're going to get the exact same results that you've been getting staying in. ~ This current reality is objectively safer than the unknown, but it's also a guarantee to continue to get the results that you've been getting all this time. So if what you're really desiring is something different than what you have. You're going to have to come up against those fearful thoughts. Those Ego thoughts that tell you that where you are is fine and it's good enough and it's safe and you don't know what's out there and something worse could happen and let's just hang out here because it's easier and it's comfortable and then we don't have to make any change or face new or be vulnerable or get into hard conversations. It’s like oh that all sounds like soo much work. Let's just let's just skip that great. That's kind of the the game we play in our mind, but your intuition on the other hand. Your intuition is really really smart and your intuition isn't afraid of the unknown because it is all knowing. Your intuition is that gift from the divine. It helps you or is meant to help you navigate life and go in the direction that you were designed to go in. So your Intuition is that part of your higher self that is all knowing. Your intuition is is guided and it's supported by the infinite love of the universe to help present to you the ideas, decisions, opportunities and action steps that your higher self would take but the problem with the intuition is that she is really soft spoken and she's not a pusher. She's kind of like here's the answer.. take it or leave it. And it's usually comes in like a whisper whilst we're waiting for this big loud audacious voice to be like ~ you should do this. It's the exact right move. Don't be afraid just do it. So when your Ego comes through it is like yo do not do that. Like you don't know what's best for you. Just stay where you are for a little while longer. you don't even know what's going on. Don't make any decisions etc etc. You go. Okay. Okay. Yeah, that makes sense. You're right. Hmm. Yeah. I don't even know.  What do I know? I don't even know what I want. You're right Ego. I don't even know what I want. I just need to put them to rest chill the F out and wait for the right thing to come along. Right? The Ego comes in real hot real confident real loud.

The intuition comes in real soft real feminine real take it or leave it with this different level of certainty, right? It has a level of certainty as well, but it's more like this is the answer but I'm not going to push you towards it like you can reach out and grab it if you want to. The loud logical thoughts end up drowning out the intuition most of the time, So that's why we have to get really intentional about listening for our intuition and remembering that she shows up not in the form of words or logical thoughts., but in the form of feelings ~  It's like it's not even a voice like it's not words. It's not a logical thought process strung together in sentences. It's just a knowing. It's just a feeling so you have to stop waiting for your intuition to sound like your thoughts. It's never going to sound like your thoughts. It's never going to string words together and tell you a story about why this is the right thing and all the pros and all the cons and you know how this makes sense for you. That's what your Ego is going to do. So you have to, if you want to, get in tune with it. You have to stop waiting for it to sound that way because it's not going to. It's not going to provide you with the evidence or the arguments to back it up. She has a different level of certainty. That's like I don't need to prove why. This is Divine intervention. This is higher knowledge. This is all knowing information. There's no argument to back it up and it doesn't have to make sense. That's because it just is ~

Intuition is really your inner wisdom ~ your gut feeling. Your silent but persistent inclination that something just feels right or something just feels off. It's that consistent persistent inclination gut feeling that I don't know if this is right for me or that feels really expansive. I want to do that, but I'm afraid. The more that you listen to it, tune into it, like really try to get engaged with that feeling, get in touch with that feeling and follow it. Follow its advice follow what it's telling you, go in the direction that it's pushing you, it'll be easier for you to identify when your intuition is coming through. That's the reason why it's so hard for so many of us to know what our intuition is speaking to us because we're off from it. It's telling us the answers throughout our life. But we become so consumed in the Ego mind that comes forward more more loudly and we always follow those logical thoughts and that intuition becomes lost. So we forget we don't even know what it feels like to feel that that intuitive hit. We don't even we don't even realise that it's happening. We don't even realise that it's there. Really trying to feel into it and see how it comes forward for you. It's all there. That's your that's your intuition speaking to you. That's your inner knowing. That's your inner guidance.

Of course, there's decisions that we make that aren't ultimately right for us in the long term, but it doesn't mean that they weren't right for us in that moment. I truthfully do believe that there is a lesson in  e v e r y t h i n g. There was something in it that we can learn, a challenge that we had to face, a realisation that  now we have the opportunity to come to, and it allows us to accumulate more knowledge or experience or lessons. From these experiences, we connect more deeply into ourselves, and intuition becomes stronger and clearer.

Another thing, if you're struggling to know if you're making the right choice or if you're moving on the right path is to not mistake sadness or fear or uncertainty about making a  decision or closing a chapter of your life. Don't mistake that as a sign that you're like making the wrong choice or that you've made a mistake or that now somehow you're not on track right because jobs and friendships and certain eras or seasons of our life,  we close chapters and inevitably we're going to have emotions that come through about that. We're going to feel sad. We're going to feel like we're leaving something behind. We're going to feel fearful about the future or uncertain about what comes after this now that I've close this chapter shit. Like what do I do next? What comes after this? This all those emotions are going to come through as you continue along your path and close chapters and open new ones. But you can't allow those emotions to mean something that they don't mean. So don't allow that sadness or fear uncertainty about the next step to mean that it's the wrong step, or that you're going in the wrong direction, or that you veered off the path and now you're totally lost and totally fckd. Don't make it mean something that it doesn't. You need to feel to heal. I trust that it's coming through for me. I trust the Universe. I trust myself. I know that it's going to happen. It's already on its way to me then we ultimately receive that desire because we're available for it. if we say, oh I want this thing and then as soon as it gets hard or there's a challenge or something else that's like kind of half what we want comes along and we say, oh, well, I'll just take that. We're no longer operating from a place of abundance and trust. We’re operating out of fear and lack of like oh, but maybe nothing better will come along. So I'm just going to take this. Great, so that's that's a big lesson to in terms of, you know receiving what it is that you want. You have to be you have to be willing to step into the place of trust and not just take any old thing that comes your way. Listen to your intuition. Channel into that desire. There's ways to feel into it more, look for the initial feeling rather than the thoughts that come after. Also just being aware of the fact that those thoughts are going to tumble in right after the intuition speaks so that you can be prepared and be able to recognise like, okay. My first instinct was yes, I should do it or no. I shouldn't and then immediately after my thoughts started racing and kind of giving me all the the breakdown the scenarios that this that the pro/con all the things when you are aware that that is going to happen. You won't be as likely get confused by it because you can distinguish. Okay ~ I felt this way but then the logical thoughts came through and confused me or made me feel a different way. But I know that that's a not truly my higher self. That's not truly the best option for me because my inner knowing and higher self serve me best. Even just building the awareness around that fact will help you kind of distinguish more and start to honour your intuitive feelings more. Knowing that the logical mind or the Ego is always going to try and keep you safe and it's always going to come through seconds after the intuition speaks. It's very very fast, which is why we have to get used to the gut feeling.

Gut feelings are guardian angels.

~ I trust myself ~ I trust my inner knowing ~ I trust in my highest self ~ My intuition comes from my heart space  ~ I hear my Ego but I choose not to listen ~ I have my own back

#intuition #ego #spiritual development #selfdevelopment #spiritualgrowth #spiritualawareness #intuitionvsego #podcast #mindfulness #meditation #journalling #spiritualguidance #oraclecards #awareness #awakethesoul #awakening #self love

[thecommonraven]

Why do you think Dylan wanted to be in a open relationship with Marco in season 4? I think you briefly mentioned before that you had some thoughts on that whole situation so I’m curious lol.

How funny that you should ask this right now because for the last week or so I have been actively wondering if i will ever be willing to post gif-sets for the two hallway conversations between Marco and Dylan in Moonlight Desires! I want to make them because i think the scenes are well done and incredibly well acted by both AR and JB but I also don’t want to deal with the obvious hate Dylan is going to get in the tags. The guy gets enough tag hate as it is in posts where he’s being perfectly sweet grade A boyfriend material, so I’m not sure I want to see what’s said on posts featuring his worst behavior. 

I’ve mentioned before that I believe Dylan when he says he loves Marco and that he doesn’t think an open relationship changes that in any way. I think it’s absolutely possible for people to be in open or poly relationships where deep feelings are shared an honored. Obviously, I also think that Dylan goes about this all the wrong way, and that probably even if he went about it the right way, it could never work with Marco specifically. 

Again, the writers couldn’t seem to decide how much or how little characterization they were going to give Dylan, so some of my thoughts are canon, others are pure headcanon and some more are based off what we know about Paige and the Michalchuk parents and what we can extrapolate from there.  We see that Rose and Jeff Michalchuk are parents with incredibly high expectations. Their pride/affection for their kids seems accomplishment based. To me, they read as aloof, imperious, unobservant and largely absent. Paige is petrified at the idea that her mom will need to come into school to talk about what happened with Mr Oleander. She is so clearly freaking out about Banting and wants to talk to her mom while she’s home for Thanksgiving and Rose won’t hardly let her get a word in edgewise. Jeff greets his son (who will soon be moving a hemisphere away) with a HANDSHAKE (HUG YOUR SONs people!) and a comment about how he needs a haircut. The fact that Dylan has literally just had a haircut but obviously not the short ~respectable haircut that Mr Michalchuk would like him to have kind of hammers the dynamic of their relationship home for me. I think the Michalchuk family crest probably reads “get good grades, be a high achiever, and make sure I never get a phone call from your principal. ever.” All of this is to say that while I think Paige and Dylan were allowed a remarkable amount of independence growing up, I do not think they were given much freedom.  We don’t see a ton of Dylan in season 4 prior to Moonlight Desires, but I think it’s pretty easy to see the ways that college life effects him. He’s ecstatic and goofy as he moves into the dorms. He and Marco are flirting and dancing in public at a party. He pretty immediately gets that taste of freedom that college can afford him, and then in KoP we see him backlash against having that freedom limited by being kept a secret from Marco’s family. (Again, I do think Dylan goes about this wrong. But also, I will never not be mad at this show for poorly representing the perspective of Dylan/Zane as the person being asked to erase their identity. but again with the “this belongs in a different post”). We see him show up late, and his hair grown long and unkempt, his clothing starts to fit poorly, and the car he “loves more than his sister” is left dirty. We learn in TEotH that after MD, Dylan transfers to a school in Montreal which means two things: he didn’t get drafted in his first year of NHL eligibility and he probably won’t get drafted in his last.

This man is spreading himself too thin and he’s having the best time doing it. He’s drunk on college. He’s drunk on freedom.  

Now, unfortunately, Marco somehow gets rolled up in Dylan’s mind as someone who is a restriction on his freedom. Whether that’s because of KoP and not getting to be fully a part of Marco’s life type or restriction or not, idk. Maybe it’s actually that they don’t get to see each other often enough–with student counsel, downtown sasquatch, the blood drive, etc etc for Marco and with wild college life and hockey obligations, how often do these two really get to see one another? He loves Marco and he doesn’t want to break up, but somehow he isn’t feeling completely fulfilled. Maybe it’s that as a 19 year old in 2005, he hasn’t had a lot (maybe any) of long term monogamous gay relationships modeled for him. Maybe it’s that because he doesn’t fit the physical stereotype of a gay man, he feels like he needs to overcorrect somehow and find a way to “match” his identity better (I talk about this a little bit in the addendum on this post). Maybe he just develops a crush on Eric from Psych Class and doesn’t know that crushes outside of your relationship are normal and even healthy, but it doesn’t mean you need/have to act on them. Maybe it just comes down to that he wants to be more sexually creative/experimental than Marco is willing to be, but he doesn’t want to break up over it. I think he and Marco are pretty comfortable joking/teasing about possible flirtations or attractions with other guys (the headcanon about Craig in that linked post, Marco saying that the best thing about playing euchre with Dylan and his hockey team is that he’s playing it with Dylan’s hockey team) and from there Dylan kind of thinks...’just kidding...unless?’ 

Either way, Marco and Dylan both seem to think their relationship is in a good place where it is ready to take on a new challenge. Dylan thinks they love each other enough that they can successfully navigate opening things without it impacting their feelings for one another. Marco thinks they love each other enough that he can finish high school early and they can move in together. These dummies absolutely love each other, but damn do they need to work on their communication if they are so clearly in two different places like this. 

AND SPEAKING OF WORKING ON THEIR COMMUNICATION. 

Dylan’s first line of the episode, as he drives Marco to school in that “wash-me”-ass car is “So, you’ll call before you come over for the party?” I know others over the years have taken that line as Dylan trying to keep tabs on Marco so that he can sneak around behind his back, but that’s never how I read that line at all. I think the call is when he plans to talk about opening things up. Maybe he’d already chickened out about having that discussion that very morning (did Marco sleep over at the dorms last night? Or does Dylan leave school just to pick him up and drive him to class?) But while I think that Dylan is potentially having difficulty expressing to Marco what he wants from their relationship, I do not find it believable that this man is actively cheating. 

As previously discussed (also in the linked post) Dylan is a bad liar! He smiles too much and avoids eye contact. You just cannot convince me that this man lingering to get 5 more seconds of face time has already hooked up with Eric from Psych Class.  Okay, this got incredibly long and went in about a million directions, so I apologize if it only makes sense inside my own ping-pong game of a brain. 

#ask #degrassi #degrassi tng #dtng #degrassi season 4 #moonlight desires #marco del rossi #dylan michalchuk #marco/dylan #darco #anon

[dangan-happy]

(Give me back my glitter, Monomi!)

Hoping for help from Leon, Kaito, or anyone else who has advice (First time asker, hi everyone)

TW for COVID/Lockdown stuff

So lockdown/quarantine has made me realize I’m going to be happiest doing work solely by myself. I’m settling into my career where I have to work with others during a very stressful time for my clients (I currently work in the wedding industry) but I make art for extra money in my free time and I just like that so much more. I’m leaning toward hoping to do that full-time but I don’t think my family would support a career change, especially in something that’s so risky. It’s really hard to make it as an artist. My family are really supportive of my wedding industry job but seem to talk bad whenever I talk about my art hobbies. My mental health is better when I make art (especially when someone buys something!) and I always get stressed during wedding season (even though that work is fulfilling at the end of the day).

I guess I’m just not sure what to do? I do like my job but I think I’d be happier all the time if I could just stay home and make art? How do I navigate this?

Ty in advance ❤️

This is a change of pace compared to most things I’ve heard that involve this stupid lockdown.

I understand that you want to keep your job, don’t get me wrong, I get that wholeheartedly. But sometimes, you have to realize what’s more important. And that’s your happiest. It may sound cliche as hell to say that you should follow your heart but it’s something that needs to be done in certain situations. Now, I’m not saying that you need to do this, because this is your choice. Be sure you keep that in mind.

It’s really unfortunate that your family isn’t supportive of the art hobby, that’s lame, they should be supporting you no matter what you choose to do. Well, within reason, let's not get the wrong idea here. I really think you should follow through with the choice that makes you happy. And that seems to be art, right? A part of me also wants to say that you should see how it feels for a bit longer, but we can’t be too sure when this lockdown will end and I don’t want you to wait forever if that makes sense.

No need to thank me anon, I hope I helped you even a little bit.

-

What's good anon! First time asker huh? Welcome! Hi! I'm your host, the one and only Luminary of the Stars! I don't know what I'm doing, so let's get to the advice part before I start rambling about space squirrels or something! Aw man, dude, the wedding industry?! Wow, the fact that you've worked in that at all is awesome. I've heard enough reddit stories to know that I'd never be able to do that. I'd probably like, yeet the wedding catalogue at someone and leave. Yeah, jeez, I have questions about why you'd want to get married during a pandemic, but yeah that's gotta be really stressful.

That's super awesome you're doing art on the side! Yeah, I agree, it's a risky thing, especially now more than ever. I'm not an artist, but career wise, I think it's best to keep that on the side for now. I'm glad you're doing well in quarantine, I personally feel like I'm gonna explode from the isolation, but it's super cool that you learned something new about yourself! Wow, that's like, really rude. Your parents shouldn't talk badly about your art, that's a super badass talent. Drawing is freaking hard, I tried, and my rocket looked like a banana with fins. If drawing helps your mental health, that's even better! If it helps you, then I'd keep going with it. Don't give up what you love for someone else's opinion. You obviously love it and it helps you a lot, so I think you're totally the kind of person that needs art in their life.

I'm friends with a lot of introverts, and a lot of them say they'd be happy if they were left alone with their hobbies all the time. Like, I think that's totally true, but there's always gonna be times in life where you have to go back into society and be around people, so I think having a certain amount of socializing per day is important, so you don't become a complete hermit who can't ever leave your house. Honestly, I think you're pretty good where you are now. You said your work is satisfying, and you're settling in well, so I'd keep going with that job because it seems like you're in a pretty good place overall. However, don't give up on art! I'd try to maybe put a little more work into that, maybe promote yourself more, or take more commissions or something. I don't think it's a good idea to try to go full art in a pandemic since it's even more risky, but you can always start gradually working towards that so you can potentially make that switch in the future. 

Alright, that's all I got for you, so I hope that helped. I feel like this response was kind of all over the place, so if it's really hard to understand, I'm really sorry! Anyways, keep doing what makes you happy. Believe in yourself and your talents, it's your life and no matter what people say, you can do what makes you happy! 

#danganronpa #danganronpa roleplay blog #ask #leon kuwata #kaito momota #mod 11037 #mod kaito #tw covid 19 #covid 19 mention

[jackkellison]

Web marketing strategy and Planning: The Road Map

Many small to medium sized businesses face a typical struggle; a joggling act of plans, strategies, departments and decisions. Each of the elements are present, every one of the gears in condition, but business isn't exactly booming with the pace it had anticipated or forecasted for. Precisely what does this growth and sustainability require? In the turbulent economy teeming with congested airwaves and aggressive business practices, it's about standing up for from the crowd. And surprisingly,jacques groenewald marketing online strategy offers quite a bit more details on it than you could possibly realize.

Conflicted business people can overcome everyone and draw absolutely free themes that are suitable for their product by executing an exceptional online marketing strategy, not by yelling louder than their competitors or using neon banners on their own storefront (or banners on your website). My point is, you don't have to be throwing yourself too much there with a lot of noise constantly. What you should do is paint an image for the business, your workers, along with your customers. Make promises that no-one but you will keep, and after that blow the offending articles together with your admirable businesses practices and superhuman skills.

Spend some time to consider this: web marketing strategy will be the most powerful take into account determining the prosperity or deterioration of a business. This is a pretty substantial claim for prepared to prove its legitimacy. Online marketing strategy distributes itself throughout all the issues with an enterprise, whether intended by its creator or otherwise not. You could do this for the reason that approach is created and determined by the complete objectives of a specific business, and integrates these objectives which has a company's unique vision and mission. Basically, every degree of an enterprise ought to be oozing web marketing strategy. Really!

Marketing Strategy

Will it seem far-fetched? Let's examine the relationship between marketing strategy and 4 key facets of service repair shop: market research, the marketing plan, corporate identity, and also the economy. First, let's get the formalities taken care of and set forth a definitive explanation products online strategy turns out to be. After scouring several websites to the official definition, I settled on a less-official but more effective description of selling strategy:

Web marketing strategy: A strategy that integrates an organization's marketing goals in a cohesive whole. Ideally drawn from general market trends, it focuses on the optimal product mix to attain maximum potential profit. The marketing strategy is defined outside an advertising and marketing plan.

While your marketing strategy is, essentially, a document; its purpose can appear far more load bearing. Included in the strategy ought to be your mission statement and business goals, a complete set of your merchandise and services, a characterization or description of your respective target clients, as well as a clear definition of how you integrate to the competitive landscape of one's industry.

Web marketing strategy v. Market Research

This relationship establishes an investment of operations: the 1st phase in any marketing or branding initiative is research. (See our white paper about this subject: General market trends for SMB's). Regardless of the scope of your respective research, whether it is an extensive canvassing of your current client list or unveiling specific, detailed findings concerning your marketplace, the end result have a direct effect on your marketing strategy. It's fundamental to find out everything about which you making the effort to reach. What generation is he in? How large are their own families? Where will they live, eat, and out? How can they spend their leisure time and money? Doing this information will influence modify your online strategy.

Research alone will not likely benefit your company with out a solid web marketing strategy. Often, business owners narrowly define market research as the collection and organization of information for business purposes. Although that's technically a definative definition, the emphasis lies but not on the process of research itself, though the impact it commands on future decisions regarding all numbers of a business. Watch decision presents different, unique needs for information, and also this information then shapes a suitable and applicable online marketing strategy.

Research can be quite a grueling, confusing, and tedious process. From establishing or cleansing a database to cooking surveys and conducting interviews, you could get a lot of information about your clients and prospective clients and wonder how to handle it next. Before beginning to formulate a strategy, the info and data collected have to be organized, processed, analyzed, and stored. Be confident, after a little creativity and lots of effort, this may be molded into a structured, effective, and just adaptable online strategy. Furthermore, continuous and updated research will assure your technique is an existing and relevant reflection of your respective marketplace, marketing goals, and future business dealings.

Online strategy v. Marketing strategy

With this relationship, the online marketing strategy is basically helpful information for judge the performance and efficiency of the specific marketing strategy. Basically, an advertising and marketing technique is a directory of whatever you offer and the way you're situated in the marketplace (in terms of competitors' services), plus your marketing plan is an organized set of actions that you're going to enforce to get the goals outlined within your strategy. The plan will encompass the steps with a real-life putting on a marketing strategy, bringing life for your mission and vision. It's time and energy to show and then sell your merchandise and services so that your target audience may feel them inside the presence that you simply truly imagined.

Often, businesses lack an account balance of creative personality and logic personality. While a business person may have the creativity to envision a stellar product, business model, and brand, they might lack the entrepreneurship and discipline to bring everything to life through research, planning and execution.

Marketing Strategy v. Corporate Identity

It's no wonder that some of the most successful and recognizable companies on earth are the types who establish distinguished, one-of-a-kind cultures that permeate through every channel of a business and reach customers with a human level. The culture of your corporation, its psychology, attitude, ways to business, values and beliefs, lays the groundwork to get a unique and compelling corporate identity. There is a powerful and undeniable connection between the health of these lenders and the identities that their culture presents.

These companies have discovered the fragile balance from your brand and a method, and the way this symbiotic connection encourages visibility and growth. Their bond is easy: the online strategy represents the place where a company really wants to go, along with the culture determines how (and often if) it'll get there. Imagine a corporate identity - the design and style, words, images, and colors - because the personification of your online marketing strategy. The corporate identity is extended and applied to every phase in the web marketing strategy, and plays a stylistic role rolling around in its execution.

Consider an example. Starbucks, as yet, did not really have a marketing or advertising budget, per se. Starbucks started advertising within the New York Times as well as on TV in '09, and very gingerly at that. Once a week it might print full-page ads from the Times, and on select channels it might air brief, lighthearted commercials. Just before, the organization surely could very successfully promote itself and it is products through word of mouth marketing and slapping the 25-year-old logo on every cup its baristas cranked out, proving that even something as simple as a logo can deeply resonate with consumers. Nonetheless it was the Starbucks' identity what has numerous customers were happily waiting quarter-hour lined up for. The infamous Starbucks cup rapidly became linked to wealth, leisure, high standards, and urbanites. From college freshman to corporate CEO's, people couldn't get enough.

Starbucks enforced its web marketing strategy through clever, catchy campaigns, an actual and human "front line" at the store level, but for the greater degree, acknowledging any mistakes or shortfalls that it might've come upon. These actions are traits, portraying a deeply rooted culture that is exuded all the way through of the Starbucks hierarchy. And, love 'em or hate 'em, there isn't any denying their positive results, even in a strained economy.

Online strategy v. The Economy

The economy is definitely an incredibly sensitive subject around the world. What we've also noticed is a lot of companies and business people are using a depressed economic state as being a reason (and perhaps, a reason) for the shortcomings within their business.

By way of example, a major trend recently has become layoffs. Larger corporations are choosing weak economies as a reason to purge its staff and cut positions, if it knows just as well that thatrrrs the alternative products has to happen. Or will it? It's become difficult to tell. Is surviving a "depression" really as simple as, say, reassessing your marketing strategy? While an unstable economy is troubling, risky, and unpredictable, it is usually a great test of the flexibility of your respective online strategy. Your strategy isn't guaranteed...the complete reason for designing a strategy to start with is for smooth navigation through any circumstance, whether good or bad. Unfortunately, many CEOs and CFOs target their marketing departments first in lean times, as the truth is that it should be investing in these areas to ensure its marketing managers can shift their technique to survive-maybe even prosper, through challenging times. An excerpt from your blog of R. Bruer, the property owner and head of the strategic communications firm in Portland, Oregon, lays everything out:

"Most businesses treat marketing as a discretionary expense, which makes it a straightforward target for budget cutters. It's as though marketing can be a luxury afforded only if times are flush. Less customer demand, less money can buy marketing, approximately conventional thinking goes.

Yet ,, can we ever afford to never market?

It's natural to require to preserve cash throughout a downturn. I had been a company for almost 14 years, so I'm sympathetic. But the tendency is usually to make deep cuts in marketing when sales head south. Companies often start with reducing or eliminating outside expenses, for example advertising, events, sponsorships, research. When that's not enough, they lay off marketing employees, sometimes the whole department.

The net effect of gutting marketing is to stifle generation of customer awareness, demand and retention just when these things are needed most. It is a penny-wise, pound-foolish decision."

Your Online strategy

While online marketing strategy isn't tangible, its role in operation is just as dire because the product or service to be had. It's contribution bears significance through every phase of your business strategy, from conception to execution and a lot beyond these four areas of research, planning, identity and economy.

Online strategy continually fold itself into investor business plans as long as it really is created and executed properly. Research on the industry and competitors will allow you to produce and formulate a suitable, pliable strategy. Came from here, your marketing strategy will act as tips that can bring your technique to life, attaining and exceeding the goals outlined, all while establishing your corporate culture and identity. Remember, the culture piece works two ways. Your culture helps to make up the strategy, and beyond this concept strategy will reinforce your culture. Lastly, your strategy should be both strong and versatile enough to resist the most difficult or unpredictable of circumstances, such as an economic downturn, new trends or competitors with your industry.

Technique is a small bit of an extremely larger picture. It may be overwhelming from time to time, sure, however it is the main adventure. With dedication, organization, and a champion marketing team (ahem! B&A), the pieces can come along with ease, enabling the truly awesome personality of the business to shine, and profits to adhere to shortly thereafter.

[ouranor]

I saw your latest hanyo no yashahime post because I followed the tag and I have to say as a victim of grooming myself, I would rather be aggressive towards the adult Sessrin shippers,I do think some of them have pedophillic tendency’s, I know you hate that word being thrown around but how else would you describe people enjoying seeing sexualized fanart/actual porn of child Rin and sesshomaru. And a ship is just a ship yes but when large amounts of people try to normalize grooming I draw the line

Dear Nonny

First of all: I’m so sorry that you had to go through such a horrible experience and thank you for sharing this so openly. I’ll do my best to explain my point of view about the current chaos and how to navigate it as best as I can. In order for me not to repeat myself too often, I‘ll assume that people reading this will also have read my previous post that prompted Nonny to message me.

About the ship itself:

As far as the ending of the manga goes, Rin and Sesshoumaru are blank slates, leaving lots of room for interpretation. What is true for both characters is that neither of them have any romance set up, because neither Rin nor Sesshoumaru are anywhere near ready for any kind of romantic relationship (no matter with who) at that point in time. Rin because she’s a child and Sesshoumaru because he’s an emotionally stunted and immature mess of a man (which is why I find the sequel‘s premise incredibly unbelievable. There‘s no way Sesshoumaru was ready to have half-demon children and this is a flat-out character assassination for Sesshoumaru but I DIGRESS). In the manga, not a single trace of romance can be found, and thus not a single trace of grooming. Giving a growing child a new kimono is not grooming, it‘s common sense.

Now, most people that oppose SessRin do immediately jump to pedophilia and grooming for multiple reasons and, while I don’t ship SessRin, reducing the ship to assumptions like these is not an okay thing to do. I firmly stand by this statement and I’ll do my best to explain why.

Now, because this will be important to understand the thoughts I‘m conveying, please remember these key points:

1) Explaining does NOT equal excusing. I will never make excuses for people that romanticize children in romantic relationships. All I‘m doing is do my best to cut through the very emotionally charged and hardened fronts in this ship-war.

2) We NEED to separate the ship from its shippers. SessRin is an extremely difficult ship to write that needs to be treated with much more care and awareness than most other hetero-ships, but because people abuse Rin as their Mary-Sue and don‘t give the characters actual care and love, you end up with terrible fanfiction that depicts SessRin as „a given / destined / Rin‘s the closest vagina in the near vicinity“. And yet: Sesshoumaru grooming Rin is not the ONLY possible continuation of this ship. I‘ll get back to this in a bit.

3) Grooming is a choice, pedophilia is a mental disorder. While the two overlap at times, they are NOT the same. I’ll broach this issue near the end of this post.

Now, to get the worst out of the way, I’ll agree to this: The interpretation coming from the loudest and most aggressive shippers (Celestia on Twitter is an excellent example) is highly problematic and, as mentioned, shows a lack of comprehension regarding subtility and a lack of emotional intelligence. They‘re very black and white and they romanticize the characters as they were left in the manga, saying (among other things) how Rin is Sesshoumaru’s soulmate and understands him like no other, in spite of being a child, and THAT raises all kinds of alarm bells. Because this is exactly the rhetoric used by predators towards impressionable children. People claiming that this isn’t the case are being willfully ignorant and I usually don’t tolerate such people and use the block button generously.

But this is the WORST manifestation of this ship. Notice how I say the worst, not the ONLY.

Unfortunately, this worst interpretation usually comes from the laziest and most aggressive shippers that simply lack the creativity to imagine anything else. I’ve read many a SessRin fanfiction that built this relationship up in a believable way, taking its time and addressing the potential pitfalls, unfortunately this type of dedication or writing talent is not easily found in a fandom as vast and trope-y as Inuyasha. But I‘ve also read a ton of fanfiction where SessRin is a „logical conclusion“ because the author is actually writing an InuKag fic and has no idea what else to do with Sesshoumaru and Rin, hence: Another pairing to make babies with, yaaaay. SessRin happens by proxy, which is a huge NO-NO. This echoes one of my mantras: In order for Sesshoumaru to even get into a romantic relationship (NO MATTER WITH WHO), there is an entire story and development that needs to be told first. The same goes for Rin because again, by the end of the manga, she‘s not much of a character at all. “Why do you even read SessRin if you don’t ship it??” I hear you ask (not you, Nonny, I mean this and the following in a general sense). Because I keep saying that every ship has its merit and I’m interested in the stories that can be told. I keep saying that all ships are legitimate and I don’t want to miss out on any potentially amazing stories, especially because those were seriously hard to come by back in the day (anyone remember the 2000’s? Anyone?). I’ve read fanfiction from literally every Inuyasha ship under the sun. So if I see the tell-tales of a bad SessRin fic, I leave the author and their world behind and move on to something else. I’ll use this short interlude to say this: It has become such a horrible trend in fandom to put the sole responsibility of one’s fanfiction-experience on the author instead of taking responsibility for the content one might consume. There’s an incredible lack of self-sufficiency, a lack of ability to just move away when people read something they don’t want to read without taking personal offense. Now, I’m not saying that you have to be like me, but at least take responsibility for your own experience. ANYWAY, back to the topic at hand.

So again: In order for Rin or Sesshoumaru to get together romantically at any point in the future, a LOT needs to happen first. A lot of development, a lot of questioning, a LOT of build-up, because this relationship needs a heck of a lot more explanation than most other hetero-ships out there, but most fanfic writers and shippers are too lazy to set this up properly, leading to problematic romanticization, sugarcoating and hand-waving away of serious subjects that need to be addressed. Most of these types of SessRin shippers I see are found on Twitter and Tumblr (many are Spanish, too, wth is up with that), as mentioned, and they are are extremely questionable, seeing no issue at all with this ship, and here’s my opinion on why that is: Given from what I’ve seen, these types of shippers equal Rin with themselves. If you read how they justify this ship, it has nothing to do with her being a child, and everything to do with the blank slate that she is (like Bella Swan in Twilight). Rin has endless potential and it’s much easier to project ones own fantasy on a character that has yet to BECOME an actual character you can write a love story WITH. Of course, shippers don‘t realize this, because projection is usually done on an unconscious level. But to someone who’s been observing in this fandom and lurking for years, this seems incredibly obvious. Neither Rin nor Sesshoumaru have any agency, because they’re fictional, and that’s why SessRin is such a ticking bomb, always has been. They can be turned into whatever you want.

Now, that’s of course what fandom is for: Fulfillment of fantasies and works depicting any dynamic from fluffy to dark. But here’s the second main problem: Because SessRin is usually depicted as your typical, trope-riddled “male is alpha, woman is beta at best” romance, it falls right into heteronormative standards. Heterosexual relationships are TEEMING with extremely lazy writing (and normalized abuse, but that’s a subject for another time) and for some reason, I’ve observed how hetero ships have this insane entitlement to “purity”. What I mean by that is that hetero-ships are much more likely to attract fans that need their ship to be canon, otherwise they can’t function. This is EXACTLY what happens with SessRin. If you just had SessRin shippers doing their thing, I don’t think we’d be in this situation. But because of the sequel and its excellent marketing strategy, SessRin shippers are full of hope and, worst of all, grasping at straws and lording their ship’s superiority over everyone else with renewed fervor. If Takahashi/Sunrise weren’t such absolute cunts (pardon the language), we’d not be in this situation. Because SessRin is now a “possibility” in the sequel, people suddenly see the fulfillment of their own personal fantasies within reach. Let me repeat: This is about the fulfillment of their OWN PERSONAL fantasy and has nothing to do with Rin. She just happens to be the female character that’s closest to Sesshoumaru. The fact that she’s a child does not factor in this particular scenario, even though it SHOULD.

So again: The ship is fine on its own, because it’s literally a blank slate that you can go in ANY direction with. It’s the people that desperately grasp for canon and have decided that SessRin is a foregone conclusion WITHOUT any build-up or explanation that are the true problem. They look to the sequel and their own interpretations to justify their lazy and problematic interpretation of the ship. They make the ship into the potential grooming/pedophilia shitstorm that many “antis” are caught up in, but that’s not the ships fault.

Speaking of which, let’s talk about the grooming and possible pedophilia.

I’d ask people, after reading all of the above, to remember this: If there is any grooming at all, it has yet to happen, because NOTHING has happened between Sesshoumaru and Rin after the manga. Hell, they didn‘t even speak to each other in the charity chapter. They are still the same blank slates now that they were back then. Whether or not grooming happens is in the hands of any creator that decides to take their dynamic further.

As for pedophilic tendencies: I will not deny that there are traces of that in SessRin shipping (some prominent people also ship Zabuza/Haku from Naruto which is telling), but I swear to you that 99% of SessRin fanfictions I’ve read do NOT depict Sesshoumaru with a child Rin (except for 1-2 dark fics that portrayed the dangers of a relationship with such a power imbalance, which are extremely important works as well imo). Same goes for the art. This again because Rin is not treated as a proper character, but as a vessel for wish fulfillment.

I have said many negative things about the shippers that are triggering the entire fandom at the moment, but people that oppose this ship need to be honest with themselves and acknowledge that them jumping to the conclusion of “SessRin ALWAYS equals grooming and pedophilia” also lack creativity and the ability to differentiate between different paths and outcomes. Accusing others of pedophilia is inappropriate and uncalled for, not matter how upset you are. I too have had to learn and accept that pedophilia is a mental disorder and needs a proper diagnosis and treatment. What happens because of a mental disorder should never be excused, no matter if it’s depression, bi-polar disorder or pedophilia, but what we can hopefully all agree on is that mental disorders are not something you choose.

So the only thing I can say to you, Nonny, is this: If you see something that looks like pedophilia or grooming to you, absolutely do report it. As someone once told me: The block button is a form of self-care. Use it! I have done the same over the last couple of days and it’s cathartic. If something triggers you, avoid it and find someone/somewhere to vent to if necessary. Your feelings are extremely valid, your aggression towards others (if you have shown any, that is) is not. Your experiences were horrific without any shadow of the doubt, but the way this possibly influences how you react to and treat others is absolutely something that is YOUR responsibility.

What I would, again, ask all of the people aggressively opposing SessRin is that you reconsider your stance on pedophilia. Its potential consequences are inexcusable, but accusing other people of being pedophiles because you’re jumping to conclusions is in extremely bad taste and leaves you not only on the same intellectual level as the shipper you’re accusing, but possibly even lower than that because you’re cherry-picking which potential mental disorder you’re discriminating against. It’s a free world, of course, but I’m sure we’re all trying very hard not to be hypocrites.

I wanted to TL;DR this entire post, but there’s honestly no way to do that without skipping over important parts. So thank you if you’ve made it to the end of this massive ramble. I understand that this is a very delicate subject and I am open to any and all people that would like to discuss this further. Special thanks go to Nonny for giving me the opportunity to talk about this more. I hope I answered your question, even if it might not have been what you wished to hear. Have a wonderful day and please take good care of yourself!

#inuyasha #sessrin #sesshoumaru #rin #hanyo no yashahime #hanyonoyashahime #hanyou no yashahime

[eljackinton]

Anyway, here’s how I’d do Necromunda as a Mass Effect style RPG

Warhammer video games have been coming in fast and loose over the last half decade, there’s been hits and there’s been misses but what’s been most noticeable is the absence of Role Playing Games. Despite both Fantasy and 40k being fertile ground for exploration, levelling and loot, we’ve only really seen the waters tested with the Inquisitor Martyr game, and I never played that, so don’t ask me about it.

I know a lot of people probably have their own idea of what would be the best conceit for an RPG set in a Games Workshop world, but for my money, I think Necromunda would be the best starting point for something like this, and hopefully talking you through how I’d envision it, you’ll see why.

The scope of the game should be a grand adventure set in the Underhive. We’ll create our own character, buy weapons and level up skills over time, but we’ll be exploring and talking as much as fighting, with communities to engage and barter with and characters to appeal or argue against. Gameplay wise, I’d see it playing a little like Mass Effect 2 or Deus Ex Human Revolution. Sort of third person with a bit of a cover system, stealth should be an option and there would need to be a more robust close combat system to show off all the fancy melee weapons the 40k world enjoys.

Unlike Mass Effect, or Deus Ex, however, this game will not have golden endings. Necromunda is set in a brutal world where every man is looking to get one foot up over the other. It’s a game where everyone is out to screw each other over and the only form of honour is how much advance warning one person gives to the other. There will be moral  choices to make, characters to empathise with, but at the end of the day this is a game where you can trust nobody, and nobody trusts you.

So the game begins. Here you create your character a-la a lot of RPGs where you design their look, their face, their colour scheme. You choose one of the 6 Clan Houses, and depending on which one you chose will not only dictate what weapons/skills you have access to, but also optional sidequests and a few ways the plot unfolds.

So starting the game we’ll get a little tutorial section. You’re a new recruit to the gang of choice, and word has gotten out that that an Enforcer convoy is heading trough nearby territory. They’re escorting a crate of something extremely valuable, so they’ve decided to send you and your fellow recruits off to prove yourself and retrieve it.

After being given the basics of the game by a mentor from the gang, you get to choose whether your starting class is a Juve (an all-rounder, with access to most weapons) or a Prospect (more restricted weapons/skills but access to special weapons and abilities) the Prospects would differ from house to house, as they do in the table top game itself.

Things go south when the attack on the convoy begins. All the other Clan Houses arrive to try and claim the crate. Just when you think you’ve got your hands on it, a Ratskin ambush happens, they seize the crate, and you end up falling through a decrepit hive floor only to be lost in an industrial labyrinth.

Fighting off hive critters, you come across other survivors of the raid, one for each gang you didn’t join. This will be the main cast of characters, who, like Mass Effect, Dragon Age, or Baldur’s Gate et al, have charismatic characters, interesting backstories that we discover over time, and the possibility of romance (though as mentioned before, not without the risk of betrayal.) The character from the gang you picked will be absent from the crew, but will appear in some capacity as the mentor that trains you at the start.

The characters are none too keen to team up, but lost in the dark, they are left with no choice, as something is beginning to pursue them. Initially thought to be some hive horror, a high tech Spyrer Hunter has decided they also want their hands on the crate, and fast become one of the groups many adversaries.

Escaping the maze, the group rest up in a small Underhive community to take stock of their situation. Here the player gets the chance to talk to characters, read up on backstory and take on a few side quests as a sort of starting village. While here, we discover that t each gang has a mole for the Enforcers within it, and that they were all betrayed in an attempt by the Enforcers to draw out the most dangerous fighters. Unable to trust their own gangs, the group agrees to stick together and go after the crate on their own, and hopefully get answers along the way.

So begins a journey down and deeper into the Underhive. Starting with industrial levels, forges and trading posts, down to dark caverns, sump rivers and more. Along the way the characters have to contend not only with the Spyrer hunting them, but also Enforcer squads trying to reclaim the crate, and other bandits, bounty hunters and hive scum.

Early in the game the player will be contacted by their mentor, which will be filled by the member of the team from your house that would normally be included. This way the player still has the opportunity to find out their backstory and have a potential romance. The mentor states that they were aware of the double-cross, but they still need more info, they’ll hang back and let you carry on with the group, in the hopes that they may spill crucial information your house wouldn’t get otherwise. At numerous points in the game you’ll be given the option to slip away and do sidequests for your own house, and you’ll be given the choice to show more loyalty to your new rag-tag group or the Clan House you chose at the start, but unsure if you’re just being played by whoever the mole was.

Mid game the player levels up to a full ganger, carrying forward their skills from the class they picked at the start. Later on they’ll get the chance to level up to a champion, or do a house specific sidequest that lets them become a special prestige class (like Death Maiden or Stimmer.)

Eventually the player catches up with the Ratskins, only to find that they ended up losing the crate to a bunch of Ash Waste Nomads anyway. You’re lead on a further search far beyond the foundations of the hive, uncovering an ancient production facility for the Men of Iron, and you have to carefully work your way through without waking the titan sized juggernauts that will want to eradicate mankind.

At the crux of the game, you end up out on the edge of the hive, carefully navigating gantries as near poisonous ash wind blows you from side to side as the Nomads attempt to get the crate beyond the hive’s reach. You battle the Nomads, the Spyrer and Enforcers, and the mole reveals themselves. Maybe it was your mentor, depending on your choices. At the end of the game you can choose to stay loyal to your house, where you must fight off and kill your fellow companions you’ve fought alongside for the entire game. On the other hand you can reject your house for your new band of brothers, who will unfortunately all turn against each other anyway in a final stand-off that leaves you fighting for your life and having to kill them all.

I told you there would be no golden ending. The game, however would have multiple bittersweet endings:

If you stayed loyal to your house, and your mentor wasn’t the mole, and whether you romanced them or not you both return victorious and well respected by the clan. If they were the mole, you have to fight them, or if you romanced them you can protect the lie or give them the chance to go on the run.

If you choose your companions, and didn’t romance any of them, you successfully fight them all off, seize the crate for yourself , and go on to be a lone hive fighter of legend, but always looking over your shoulder in case your old house wants vengeance.

If you romanced one of the characters from a rival house, then you’ll be asked at several points in the game for your thoughts on what their future would be as lovers from rival houses. Each character would have a different take, and you really have to pay attention to their foibles and values in order to figure out what the right thing to say is.

If you didn’t gain your love interest’s trust, then during the final showdown your character will hesitate, giving your love interest time to get the upper hand and shoot you, taking the crate for themselves. If you did gain their trust, they are the one who hesitates. You’re given the chance to kill them anyway, or let them live, where you both take the crate and go on to become a legendary duo who always has each other’s backs against the clan houses who want revenge.

What was in the crate? You never find out.

And that, hopefully, will give you an idea of the kind of Necromunda game I’d like to see. Obviously it’d take deft writing, great environmental design, and gameplay with a flow that fits the world and manages to take on the strengths of the tabletop game. So, not a small ask, sure.

I know I’ll probably never see it, but who knows? Maybe some aspiring video game dev will crib some ideas. In the meantime, I can’t wait to check out Underhive Wars, and I’ll be playing that as soon as I can.  

#necromunda #warhammer 40k #mass effect #role playing game #rpg

[bigskydreaming]

Do you ever get weirded out when people insist that Dick is a "control-freak?" I don't really have a good counterargument for that supposed statement, but that just doesn't really click for me... It kinda feels like one of those fanon things that puts a ton of unrealistic pressure on Dick to be a "perfect being" if you know what I mean....

Yes and no? Like I just mean with this, this is one of those things that I actually do think is part of his character.....its just that it gets snowballed into being this huge flaw and yet another avenue to criticize or condemn him, rather than just being used to explore WHY Dick is this way.

Like personally, I think one of the biggest similarities between Bruce and Dick despite all their differences is the fact that they both have control freak tendencies.....BUT these manifest in very different ways, and IMO stem from very different mindsets.

Because I feel like Bruce’s control freak tendencies stem from his awareness of his own resources, capabilities and knowledge, all blended in with a thread of ingrained classism that frankly, its just unrealistic to think that a born billionaire managed to avoid being influenced by at all.

I think Bruce’s control freak tendencies spiral out of his brilliant mind’s ability to map out so many scenarios in a way that lets them end in an optimal resolution for everyone involved....but ONLY IF he controls as many of the variables as possible himself, because the variables are what make or break a projection and how much it ends up being fully realized.

Bruce is a control freak because when he’s in his own head, when he’s the one in control of all the many varied elements that have to come together in just the right way at just the right times to allow everything to fall perfectly into place and thread the needle so everyone makes it out alive, nobody has to die, so long as Order is allowed access to everything it needs in order to control an outcome, it will prevail and the senseless Chaos that has so often stolen the things Bruce loves and cherishes most in ways he sees as always being preventable, could have been avoided, if only he’d been able to control more of the situation than he actually had at the time........

When Bruce retreats into his own mind to analyze things and project outcomes and try and come up with the one course of action that will accomplish all of his intended goals without anyone being hurt......because he is the master of his own universe there in his own mind, he’s in complete charge of his thoughts, his brain always having been his greatest and ultimate weapon......because there’s nothing interfering with his control of all the little minutiae that need to happen just so in order for his seemingly impossible plans to come together properly......there, Bruce can see it all play out perfectly. A perfect outcome, nobody hurt, nobody losing anything, everyone accomplishing everything they needed to accomplish in order to rate the plan an unmitigated success.

But that’s only in his own head. Where he controls everything. The real world is not so easily controlled and shaped despite his best efforts and considerable reach......and thus, in my mind, the eternal tragedy of Bruce.

Because his control freak tendencies do come from a genuine place, a good place, a desire to see all his loved ones, and everyone else just safe and happy and protected and ALIVE...

But those good intentions butt heads with the fact that so many of the variables he tries his best to control are actually y’know....expressions of other peoples’ free will that he has no right to override or manipulate for them, no matter that he does so with the best of intentions.

Its okay to play God in your own head, in your own assessment of a situation as you run through how you would LIKE for it to play out, ideally.

But that doesn’t mean its okay to play God like that and to that extent in your real life, influencing and superseding the agencies of those closest to you to arrange them all like pieces on a chessboard because you’re convinced you are right and you know best.

Because the thing is - the tragedy - is that Bruce undeniably IS brilliant. His mind probably works in ways most people couldn’t even comprehend. His ability to analyze so many disparate variables and factors in his head and calculate projected outcomes, is like....second to none.

So the thing is.....in his own head, when Bruce maps out solutions to the various crises he comes face to face with.........with him controlling all the variables in play there, he truly does find an optimal outcome most of the time, I think. That’s the tragedy. I believe he really is able to 90% of the time calculate a strategy that could safely navigate everyone of his loved ones and teammates and allies through whatever dangers they face and see them safely through to the other side....but ONLY if he controls the majority of the variables, INCLUDING the actions of all those people. In essence...only if they all do EXACTLY what he tells them to, and just takes it on faith that he is right and knows what he’s doing and listening to him now will keep everyone alive.

And unfortunately, that’s just....not something you can ask of people, let alone expect. No matter how much they trust you, the kind of faith that’s asking (usually in life or death situations and the heat of the moment)....that demands ABSOLUTE certainty that this man has found the one truly optimal solution to their crisis, no matter what anyone else says to the contrary - and most of those other voices usually belonging to geniuses in their own rights. And especially when the things Bruce is asking of them or telling them to do flies in the face of other heroes’ own well-honed instincts that have kept them alive through years and even decades of being a superhero in their own right, without Bruce constantly looking over their shoulder advising them....sometimes, that’s just not something even people who know and trust him are going to be able to do.

Because as brilliant as Bruce is, he’s still human. He’s not actually God, he’s not infallible. He CAN be wrong. He HAS been wrong, and will be again. Even if he’s only wrong one out of ten times as opposed to most peoples’ 50/50 split.....that is still a margin of error, and ANY possibility of error, even a one in ten chance that Bruce isn’t right this time, he missed something or didn’t account for something or sheer dumb chance could potentially strike at just the single most critical moment and derail his whole strategy no matter how ingenious it was.....

*Shrugs* Well, when you’re talking life or death stakes, sometimes even just that one in ten chance this might be one of the times Bruce is wrong means that other experienced heroes, even his own family like Dick, have to do what’s right in their eyes, what makes sense to THEM, and not being able to see the world the way Bruce does, see the strategy he’s concocted run through its projections seamlessly and without a hitch in his mind......they sometimes have to say I do trust you, but I also have to trust myself as I’ve gotten this far, and every instinct, all my experience as a hero myself is telling me I have to go a different way on this one.

And the tragedy of Bruce is every single time someone does that, someone makes a choice he advised against instead of adhering to what he told them to do......he can still see in his mind, the shining perfect strategy as he’d envisioned it, still running from Point A to Point B without a single hitch as long as everyone in his mind’s eye performs exactly according to the strategy he’s mapped out....and when that happens, the scenario, the projection ends exactly as it always ends from the very first time he mapped it out and ran through it in his head, checking for flaws.

In his head, no matter how disastrously things might have gone wrong in real life, the second they diverged from Bruce’s plan or someone acted in a way Bruce had specifically advised against.......in his head, where those things don’t happen, where everything goes exactly according to his plan, where he has total, perfect control......there, his projections whether imagined ahead of time or running through them in hindsight, always arrive at the same conclusion:

The optimal outcome he was aiming for. The one where everyone made it home alive and safe, where all objectives were accomplished, where the good guys won and after the movie, Bruce and his parents got ice cream and then went home and nothing unanticipated happened or went wrong, because he had it all under control, as long as everything adhered exactly to his plan.

And that’s a hell of a thing to have to live with....a crystal clear image of things ending the way you wanted them to, the way everyone wanted them to....if only everyone had LISTENED to you and done exactly as you said instead of refusing to trust you or going off script and doing their own thing.

So Bruce is a control freak, IMO, but for a reason.....and that reason is such that no matter how many times his control freak tendencies clash with his childrens’ independence, his teammates’ trust, he can’t view it as a solution, to just rid himself of those tendencies.....because they WORK. When allowed to. He’s not controlling just for the sake of being controlling, he’s just trying desperately to keep as many people as possible ALIVE by the time he returns home every morning.......and even though he’s intelligent enough and self-aware enough to see where those very same tendencies cause major problems in his interactions and relationships with even his own children....I think Bruce is constantly stuck between a rock and a hard place, unable to keep himself from weighing that against his success rate, and how often embracing his control freak tendencies instead of dismissing them has led to an optimal outcome, and kept everyone safe, that he was trying to keep safe.

So I get it, even as it causes clear problems for a character I favor more than Bruce.

Because see, like I said at the start, I do think Dick has control freak tendencies too....but the problem I have with talking about them, or seeing them talked about elsewhere in fandom, is that I truly don’t think its possible to divorce Dick’s control freak tendencies FROM how Bruce’s impacted him while growing up.

Basically....you can’t productively talk about this tendency of Dick’s, IMO, unless you’re willing to also talk about Bruce’s control freak tendencies and how and in what ways they negatively impact his children, like Dick.

Because Bruce and Dick, while similar, are not the same and are never going to be the same, because there’s no avoiding the fact that Bruce is a direct and pivotal - most pivotal, lbr - influencer on Dick’s life, and the man he grows up to become.

And Bruce, as stated....is a control freak. And he already was, before Dick ever set foot in the manor. 

But Bruce grew into his control freak tendencies as a reaction to his trauma, the shock of the unanticipated stealing everything from him, in ways that later, in hindsight, Bruce can’t help but view as being entirely preventable, if only things had gone differently that night, if people had made different choices, if someone had CONTROLLED the situation.

Bruce’s tendencies grew out of a failure to react properly, and grew INTO an extreme form of proactiveness. Bruce doesn’t wait for things to happen, if he can help it, because too often that means by the time you act, its already too late. Bruce prepares as much as humanly possible. He acts preemptively to take out threats before they can become actual threats. He forms contingencies way ahead of ever needing them, because by the time he needs them, he knows he won’t have the time needed to properly map a plan out from scratch/

But this kind of proactive approach to life as a superhero - a mindset he never truly ever leaves behind in the Cave even though he changes before going upstairs, because the line between Bruce and Batman is far too blurred, there is no real distinction in Bruce’s mind...he’s ALWAYS Batman, and thus he’s ALWAYS on guard and doing his best to be prepared.

However, the caveat to that is that means that a lot of time, a lot of his life and how he goes about living it......is according to plans he’s mapped out to preempt or stave off or avoid even POTENTIAL problems or dangers in his day to day life.

In essence....he spends a lot of his life choosing his course of action based on not just avoiding existing threats....but even potential threats, whether or not they ever end up being something he had to be concerned about.

And the thing that gets left out of criticism of Dick’s control freak tendencies IMO....is this is Dick’s father. This is the man who raised him, for MUCH longer than any other Batkid has been raised by him. This is the way Dick grew up.

And it was fine at first! When he was younger, a kid, it didn’t bother him to live his life according to Bruce’s advice and wishes and plans, because children that young, like, they’re USED to parents making a ton of their decisions, steering them towards certain choices because they’re literally too young and too lacking in life experiences to know what the best choice to make even IS.

That’s the way its SUPPOSED to work, and thus, for a long time...it DID work.

But...at a certain point, parents are supposed to pull back, take off the training wheels, stamp down their desire to overrule the choices their children make that they view as misguided or disasters waiting to happen, because its their life to live now, and they need to be allowed to do that. For better or for worse.

And the problem was.....Bruce didn’t do that. Because I honestly don’t think Bruce knows HOW to do that. Because when he thinks he knows better than someone else, I don’t think he’s just sure he’s right, I honestly think he can SEE it in his head. He’s face to face with it, can’t avoid looking at it no matter how determined someone else seems to steer themselves down a far more harmful path, when it would be sooooo easy, in Bruce’s estimation, for them to get what they want without any risk of danger, he can see it so clearly, if only they would just LET HIM STEER.....

And as Dick grew up, grew into himself and his own surety in his own instincts and priorities and choices.......that just....didn’t work for him. At all. Its practically anathema to who he is and what he cares about most, values most for his own life. Its oil to his water. He CAN’T live like that, the very idea chafes at him, probably.....the thought of just surrendering his own choices to someone else’s directive, even if it is his own father, even though he does believe that Bruce only wants what’s best for him and for him to be safe and happy.....

Because the thing is, I don’t think Dick CAN be happy living like that. He is someone who desperately needs the freedom to make his own choices even if they’re the wrong ones, sometimes even especially if they’re the wrong ones.

Because Dick is a product of his own traumas and tragedies just as Bruce is of his own.

And the thing that took Bruce’s parents from him, ruined his life, wrecked everything and put him on the path to becoming the Batman.....was something Bruce sees as avoidable, preventable, with the missing variable being the control he lacked. But the thing is, Bruce always had agency. He grew up the privileged heir of a vastly wealthy and influential family. He NEVER lacked for personal power, for the ability to make choices and have them respected.

So the problem the night his initial tragedy occurred on was not that he was lacking control or agency he normally possessed, that someone else had removed it or countered it......he was the same as always. No, the problem was that even though he had his own personal measure of control, his personal agency....that wasn’t ENOUGH to subvert his tragedy. That on its own was never going to be able to seize control of enough of the variables in the situation that he could then guide it safely to a different outcome, no matter how many times he mapped it out in his head looking back on it. He had his control and agency, but it wasn’t enough....he needed MORE. Only by having more control over the situation, his environs, his person, the influence he could wield on people around him......only that could give him ENOUGH control to influence the high volume of variables needed in any given scenario, to assume control of that situation overall, and be the one most influential in deciding what outcome ultimately resulted from it.

But Dick is another matter entirely, and his situation - for all its parallels to Bruce’s - was always INHERENTLY different.

Because Dick wasn’t born the privileged heir of a family of wealth and power....and even after being taken in by Bruce, that didn’t remove his origins even in the eyes of Gotham society, and no matter how much Bruce’s wealth and connections made Dick’s life better and easier in many ways, merely being raised by him starting at age eight or nine was never going to actually give Dick the entirety of all the privileges Bruce enjoys, and always has, his entire life.

No matter the size of his bank account, the way the general public views Bruce Wayne and the way they view Dick Grayson, the poor circus orphan Bruce took in for some unknown reason....they are entirely different things, and not remotely interchangeable.

Bruce’s problem was that even as much control and agency as he initially possessed, it wasn’t enough to give him as much influence over outcomes as he NEEDED in order to protect people and keep them safe.

Dick’s problem was that from the moment his parents were murdered, he barely ever was even ALLOWED any control over his own life or personal agency at all.

Dick’s tragedy was preventable too - he could have stopped it from happening....if only he could have gotten someone to listen to him about the strange man he saw, to believe him and check things out as a result. But Dick was never the kind of kid Bruce was, even after he came to live with Bruce, because he needed to be the kind of kid people LISTENED to and took at their word in order for so many of the events of those first few years in Gotham to play out differently than they did....and he just wasn’t that kind of kid. 

He was a brown boy from a suspect background and heritage, he was willful and spirited and proud, which led to him clashing frequently with those who tried to look down on him and walk all over him....with him then often facing consequences from adults or authority figures, because.....he wasn’t the kind of kid they listened to and took at his word, about what had actually happened, not when more privileged kids were saying otherwise.

And that pattern has only repeated throughout Dick’s life....not just because of Bruce’s control freak tendencies, but because of classism, because of the prejudices that led CPS to unilaterally declare the environment he’d happily grown up in until then was no fit place for a child, and even freaking JUVIE was a place more ‘fitting’ for him. Dick never got any say about having to stay in Gotham, the city where his parents died, with him stuck and grounded in the one place that held the most painful memories of his life thus far, when previously he’d been a citizen of the world and used to traveling all over, never chained down to one spot, let alone a spot where he’d already lost so much.

And like I said, its only gone on in that same pattern ever since. He’s been brainwashed and had his mind messed with more than practically any other hero, and with some of these instances lasting months and even up to a year at a time. He’s been canonically raped twice and sexually violated and harassed in numerous other ways countless times.

His choice to honor his parents’ memory via his choices of costume and names are never respected or deemed good enough to justify said costumes’ or names existence.....the things he always intends as a memorial, a tribute to the parents he loved and misses always get weaponized against him and made objects of scorn and mockery instead, a reason for people around him to look down on him instead of trying to understand him and why he made the choices he did.

He didn’t get a say in keeping the name his mother gave him, when Bruce fired him and he was forced to come up with an entirely new mantle. He didn’t get a say when Bruce passed that mantle on without even asking him, as though the second Robin had become associated with Batman, that association took priority over all others, even the association with his parents that led him to choose that for his superhero name in the first place.

Despite living with Bruce the longest, Dick has had the least social influence and standing and legal benefits from being Bruce’s son, given that he was Bruce’s ward the entire time he lived with Bruce, his wardship dissolved at eighteen and he had no ties to Bruce whatsoever for at least another couple of years after, at which point he and Bruce finally reconciled, and it was still a couple more years after that when he was finally adopted, the way most of his siblings were adopted while still living at home and getting vastly more security and assurance from being legally bound to Bruce as his children by his choice, a choice that Dick was never offered, not until long after he was used to living on his own, and by necessity had already been forced to come to terms with not being Bruce’s child by adoption - Dick’s adoption has always in reality been more honorary than beneficial in a way he actually needed or could have benefited from, if it’d happened earlier or had been in place when first having issues with Bruce.

Etc, etc, etc.

So like I said way back at the start of this, the problem I have with talk of Dick’s control freak tendencies is NOT that he doesn’t have them - he does, very much so.

Its that you simply can not talk about them without talking about Bruce’s and acknowledging how Bruce’s affect Dick’s, IMO.....because while Bruce’s control freak tendencies are born of a desire to be as proactive as possible.....Dick’s are entirely REACTIVE in nature.

Dick’s a control freak not because he wants to control more than is healthy or acceptable without impinging on others’ agency and choices.......but rather, because he just wants to have the same kind of control and personal agency everyone BUT him seems to be granted in life.

They stem from the fact that so often in his life, even the most basic and personal levels of agency have routinely been stripped from him and denied to him. Bounced around like a pinball at the whims of others, who very rarely consider his opinion about his own life worth even listening to. They’re a reaction to the many times and many ways in which his privacy has been violated by Bruce and his boundaries crossed as though they’re nonexistent - which they are, if Bruce refuses to acknowledge them as existing and respect and abide by them. 

They’re born of his attempt to seize control of ANYTHING he can in order to ground himself, to be able to hang on the NEXT time the ground is ripped out from under him and his whole world is upended just like it was when his parents were killed and when Bruce fired him the first time, and the second time, and when the Titans disbanded, and when Jason died and Bruce hit him and when the woman he slept with was not the woman he was in love with but a virtual stranger who tricked him and started a chain reaction of events and fights and blame and resentment on both sides that ultimately ended in Dick and Jory breaking up. Or when Terra turned out to be a traitor or when he found out he’d been under the Church of Blood’s mental control for a whole year without even knowing it and he now had no idea which of the choices and actions he’d made the past year had been HIS and which had been the Church pulling his strings. Or when Joey turned out to have betrayed the team and then turned out to be possessed and then ended up dead. Or when Donna died or when Jason came back except he tried to kill Tim and instead of coming home devoted himself to becoming a literal crime lord. Or when Tarantula raped him and he was violated in that way for the second time, and Babs dumped him while he was blamed yet again for things that literally weren’t his fault and he was the victim of. Or when Blockbuster burned down the circus that had been his home for the first eight years of his life, just because it was his and he’d been happy there, or when the apartment building he’d gradually over time built into an actual community he was a part of rather than just a building he lived in was destroyed and everyone in it was killed. Or when his entire city was destroyed in part to spite him, specifically, 

Or in the New 52, when he found out that he wasn’t actually the only surviving member of his family....he had a great-grandfather except lol oh wait, whoops, Great Grandpappy is an undead zombie assassin with seriously whack family values and reveals that he’d been selected before birth and was intended to be groomed as a future undead zombie assassin as his ‘destiny’ because his homicidal Pappy he only just met had apparently decided his genes swimming around in Dick’s DNA meant his call to force Dick into a life that would actually span several lifetimes, in servitude and mindless obedience to people who opposed everything he’d ever stood for and fought against every single day of his life as a hero.

And forget about the lack of control Dick had in anything to do with Forever Evil and Spyral, or anything to do with Ric because its not Dick in the driver’s seat there, and lol ON TOP OF THAT it turned out RIC wasn’t even actually in the driver’s seat either, it was the Court of Owls all along, yet again pulling his strings like they thought he was Pinocchio and had a stamp on the bottom of his foot that said Property of William Cobb and His Cult of Crazy Bird-Equivalent-of-Furries.

So yeah. Bottom line is yes, Dick IS a control freak in a lot of ways at a lot of times, but like I often say about his instances of anger.....these are not flaws, these are humanizing aspects of his character that if looked at from his POV rather than just used as a reason to condemn him, they’re completely understandable even if they’re not always the ‘best’ of all possible choices or reactions he could have.

Dick’s a control freak because he kinda pretty much HAD to be. Seizing control of any scrap of well, control, within reach, any chance he could get, was initially just a survival mechanism built around what he considered necessary for HIS survival.....because to Dick, being alive means nothing if he’s not also allowed the ‘courtesy’ of being in control of his own mind, his own body, his own life and choices and path.

I believe for him, it started as a REACTION to Bruce’s own control freak tendencies, as well as the other factors in Dick’s life that habitually stripped him of his agency and choices. Controlling whatever he could in his immediate vicinity or sphere of influence was I think, initially just to act as a counterweight, balancing out the many times his personal innate agency was disregarded or taken away. If he couldn’t control his own life, be allowed his own choices, he’d just have to gain enough control of a situation through other means that it gave him a kind of leverage he could then use to take back what was taken from him.

And I think that’s absolutely understandable and relatable.

Obviously, there have been instances where Dick’s control freak tendencies have negatively impacted others the way Bruce’s have at times negatively impacted him. When he’s run over other peoples’ ability to make their own choices because he lost sight of what he was doing and why. Sometimes these are logical narrative choices and actual mistakes and errors he usually eventually acknowledges and tries his best to make amends for.......and of course, he’s just as vulnerable to being written by shitty writers who don’t know shit about things like agency and thus have him run all over other peoples’ agencies in ways that I don’t think are true to his characterization even with his control freak tendencies front and center. *Shrugs* Its all subjective.

But yeah. That’s my long dissertation on the control freak tendencies of both Bruce and Dick and why and how I consider them intrinsically linked. You can’t talk about the one without the other, because the one in large part only originated BECAUSE of the other. If Dick’s vigilante persona was named and themed Control Freak, Bruce’s status as KING Control Freak would be his origin story there.

Here endeth the word vomit. Byyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyye.