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knight-rider-fan-2000 · 2 years

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I was chatting with my mom today about how unique Knight Rider is as a show for one reason only- having a character that's honestly, genuinely, and truly a car.

(Yeah, sure, there's Transformers, but watch any Transformers show and you'll see that they rarely keep the robots in car mode for any scenes. The car modes are almost exclusively used for scene transitions or for action set pieces.)

Knight Rider is different in that it challenges the viewer to imagine a character who is a car. This character is Kitt. There is no way for him to stop being a car, even when it's inconvenient for him, or even when it's inconvenient for the plot. Kitt, as a concept, asks the viewer to empathize- what would being a car genuinely be like? What challenges would that present? What advantages?

This is where most robots in fiction, and fiction that claims to analyze humanity through the lens of robot characters, ultimately fail. I'm hard-pressed to find another work of sci-fi with a lead character in such a genuinely divorced role from humanity. Most fictional robots have:

Hands, to physically interact with a human-scaled world in the way that humans do,

Faces, for humans to relate to, and

Eyes, for humans to look at, and tell where the robot is looking.

Kitt has none of these. He never gets any of these at any point. The show even reflects on this in episode 22 of season 1, where he projects eyes onto his screen for the little girl who's trying to understand him. Yet even this is temporary- he gets rid of them after only a minute, and the girl gets used to the real him accordingly. It's never portrayed that these attributes (of hands, a face, and eyes) are some kind of upgrade that Kitt is missing.

However, Kitt is still undeniably 'human', and this is the most important part. Kitt's way of thinking isn't alien just because his body is different. It's what he is thinking about that's been altered from the traditional human experience. This leads to a fascinating exploration of topics such as:

Accessibility. Kitt is constantly analyzing where his body can go and to what places he has access to. Even Michael Knight learns to start thinking this way as he grows closer with Kitt, to the benefit of them both. The question of what Kitt can do vs what he can't do given his body is at the core of Michael's problem solving when the show is at its best.

Priorities. What does Kitt care about? Again, it's deeply important that the first answer to this is "his friends", but barring that, what else? Things like a good road or the polish of bodywork become elevated in importance through his perspective.

Prejudice. A lot of science fiction has the trope of "robot racism", or the idea that there's a portion of humans who actively believe that sentient robots are not equal to humans. Knight Rider, however, never takes this easy drama. Humans treat Kitt differently, and sometimes with a shocking amount of disrespect (even after he's revealed himself to be a person,) but it's never out of malice. It's out of ignorance. The bulk of these humans have only the best intentions. This presentation reflects upon real-world prejudices through a different lens than the aforementioned trope, which has, by now, been thoroughly beaten to death.

Again, it's the fact that the show actively goes out of its way to tell the audience that Kitt has a soul (season 2, the episode literally titled "Soul Survivor"), yet doesn't shy away from the genuine differences he faces from being nonhuman, that makes it so damn compelling to me.

(Mind you, the way the show usually "explores" these themes is through the lens of comedy that relies on Kitt's differences being the butt of the joke. . . and that the inclusion of these deeper themes definitely do NOT cancel out the show's genuine problems with sexism/racism! But-)

I really do consider Knight Rider to be science fiction at (or at least close to) its finest. Which is an insane statement out of context, I realize, but I hope after reading this post you might be able to understand why. Knight Rider set the bar for robots in fiction for me and nothing has been able to compare since.

TL;DR: Kitt is a car. This is deeply profound.

#knight rider #k.i.t.t.#kitt #science fiction #robot #robots #artificial intelligence #robot character #yup yup bringing out the big boy tags for this one #I realized I can't say that knight rider is the best sci fi has to offer in terms of the robot department #without a whole boat of an essay to explain why #I also sound completely nuts when I say 'I want more exploration of disability like knight rider'#but I'm not brave enough to say that outside of the tags

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bracedfangirl · 1 year

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I'm not sure if I should post this, but I feel like this doesn't get addressed very often in this fandom... So yeah rant about season 5 ahead

Honestly I loved S5. It's my favorite season. And I feel like it was absolutely revolutionary for Ninjago.

First, let's discuss the reasons why:

This is the first ninjago season that has a truly dark theme, and is the first time the villain is stronger than the ninja and is also life threatening.

Now Morro is not an original villain at his core. He is heavily based on Tai Lung from Kung fu panda. But. He's also very very different from Tai Lung in many ways, and his overall story is even more different.

Tai Lung wants power, and to be considered the prophesized hero by his master and the way he wants to do that is by defeating the actual hero in a fair duel. (This is proven in the bridge scene that became a meme).

Morro is very far from that. He wants the title, but not because it grants him any extra power (we know Lloyd's powers are hereditary and not based on the green gi). It's technically just a sidequest for him since the main goal is to free his master and conquer all realms. He wants to get it just so he can rub it in the face of both Wu and destiny that he was always strong enough for it.

And this approach is presented in the way he handles meeting the rightful holder of the title he wants. He doesn't even offer Lloyd the chance of a fair fight, and decides to assert his dominance through something that is a combination of the worst humiliation and mental and physical torture.

He's far more threatening than Tai Lung because his motivation isn't to gain ultimate power no matter the cost. His motivation is not even revealed till the middle of the season, and once it is he becomes even more threatening because we learn that he only needs Lloyd to find the tomb, which paired with the fact that he wants Lloyd's title means that he most likely plans to kill Lloyd the moment he gets his hands on the crystal and doesn't need him anymore.

And the only reason you genuinely believe that he plans to kill Lloyd once he's achieved his goal is just the way he acts, and perhaps how the ninja handle him. He never explicitly expresses this, and this is a kid's show, the villain can't murder the hero. But you can just feel that yeah, this guy can and will kill the protagonist if he wins.

And Morro's the first time in Ninjago that a villain has this vibe and aura.

He inherits the "stronger than our heroes" attribute from Tai Lung, but there's another crucial difference from him even in that department...

Because the ninja never actually defeat Morro in a final fight of some kind. Lloyd doesn't kick his ass in a grand last duel, like how Po wipes the floor with Tai Lung at the end of the movie. In fact Lloyd technically loses both of the kinda fair duels he has with Morro in ep 53 and 54. Morro remains the stronger than the heroes villain.

That was so well hidden that I didn't realize it until fairly recently. And I've seen this season many many times.

And honestly I have a very hard time explaining just how big of an impact that had on 10 year old me. That scene where he threatens to kill Lloyd if he doesn't get the realm crystal was the first time a threat like that from a villain felt genuine and real for me. He didn't say or do anything to get that extra effect in that scene, it's what he does in the season earlier and what he's implied to have done off screen that makes his threat believable.

Now let's talk about the not so great parts of season 5. I'm not gonna mention the cloud kingdom mess, cause honestly it was not that horrible.

This was the perfect opportunity for ninjago to be a bit more mature and show a bit more mature stuff. Everything happening on screen implies that what's happening off screen is even darker and more interesting... But that's just it... Almost all of the dark and mature stuff happens off screen and is only hinted at.

The season is titled possession, and all of the promo material suggests this is a Lloyd season but... We get to know very little about the mechanics of ghosts and possession, and the show never actually addressed Lloyd's side of this story. Not just in this season... What happened with Lloyd between ep 46 and 52 is literally never mentioned again, even though the way he looks when he's rescued implies that Morro's done some bad traumatising stuff to him.

What's the point of a mature theme and implied two side story when nothing mature is shown and one of the sides of the story are never explored?

I'm especially mad about this because S8 and S9 (and technically S12 and S13 because of the Harumi references) shows that ninjago can get dark and do a personal traumatising villain with Lloyd, that ninjago can actually juggle two different storylines and locations in the same season and that it works and is loved by fans. Ninjago literally does the same things they should've done with S5 and it works! Lloyd's Harumi related trauma is addressed at least to some degree, and we are even exactly shown what causes Lloyd to have trauma related to her.

Like if they could do this, why didn't they in S5? Dotd also had the perfect opportunity to address what happened between Lloyd and Morro and they willingly ignored it, and that was in 2017. By then they were already planning to do the Harumi thing, so the change in mentality to the mature and dark stuff in ninjago had already happened... So yeah? Where the hell is Lloyd's side of S5? Where's his Morro and ghost related trauma?

They made Cole a ghost in S5. And I'm gonna be perfectly honest here, turning Cole into a ghost was completely pointless because they didn't address how Cole feels about being the same thing that's probably causing permanent damage to his friend at the moment nor how Lloyd might have a hard time adjusting to Cole being a ghost after he just had his body stolen from him by one. Like? What's the point of Cole being a ghost? It doesn't really have any plot relevance, he doesn't do much with his abilities that actively help the team win, nor is he hindered by it in any meaningful way...

And now comes the part I'm the most upset about, and that is the way Wu handled the events of this season.

Even though Tai Lung is much less evil and threatening than Morro, his place in his movie worked better. Why? Because Shifu actively admits that he was wrong putting the idea that Tai Lung could be the dragon warrior in his head and then rigorously training him to achieve that goal. And then Shifu apologizes. And for a split second Tai Lung was actually touched by it too.

Wu on the other hand doesn't seem to take any responsibility for the way Morro turned out. He does try to save Morro in the end, but never tells him he screwed up with that prophecy and never apologizes to him.

And it's even worse because Wu's context is different. Tai Lung beat up Shifu's students and then wanted to beat up Po as well, who is Shifu's newest pupil who he's the least attatched to. But his revenge is still mostly centered around Shifu.

Morro kidnapped and possessed Wu's nephew. Morro doesn't target Wu at all, doesn't want to take out his anger on him or punish him for denying him his destiny. He takes his anger out on Wu's best student, without knowing he's Wu's nephew at first. Morro didn't target Lloyd because he was someone Wu cared about, Lloyd was his target solely because of his title.

And Wu doesn't really seem concerned at all. He doesn't share that anxiety about Lloyd being in mortal peril with the ninja. His nephew is being tortured by his adopted son and Wu doesn't seem like he's that worried about it... And just like how he never apologizes to Morro, he never apologizes to Lloyd either, for allowing a past mistake he made to permanently damage his nephew.

And this last part is what gets me furious. Because in S11 when Aspheera appears and takes Kai's powers, Wu is very remorseful about it. He apologizes to Kai for allowing his past mistake to hurt him.

He apologizes for his foe from 1000 years ago taking his student's powers, but not for a person he fucking raised permanently scarring and almost killing his nephew. Like yeah I get that these were two different eras with two different writers but c'mon, that inconsistency is pretty harmful to Wu's character and just makes him look like a horrible person and family member.

So yeah I'm really salty that all the dark, mature and fun stuff in S5 was left out, when later on it became clear that this sorta vibe does work with ninjago pretty well...

This was a really long rant and I'm sorry, but if anyone had the patience to read through it, and agrees with me it was worth it. If you happened to agree, and feel like it, feel free to tag me in discussions, or send me an ask!

#ninjago #ninjago s5 #rant #ninjago rant #yeah this ended up as a really long analysis #but whatever i needed to say this #ive never seen anyone point this out sooo

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witchcraftandburialdirt · 9 months

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How is Robin's sense of self? Has it changed over the years, or does he still have good grasp on his identity? Has Abel influenced it at all?

═══ HEADCANON INQUIRIES ═══ LEAGUE VERSE

This is one of my favorite topics to explore with Robin (I probably say that a lot but I mean it) - its an incredibly deep dive that I'm happy you're interested in. It's also a part of Robin's character that I've been slowly inching my way into as I don't want it to come across as something sudden; it's a delicate subject matter that I truly want to capture in an accurate sense. There are so many repercussions of isolation by itself but also in relation to Robin's own traumas and physical condition?

He has practically lost what it means to be a person.

Something I, as a writer, have been dipping my toes into is really revamping Robin's character in terms of how much he genuinely lacks in terms of human interaction and how much his physical conditions impact his frame of mind. More recently I've been fiddling with the idea that Robin is, tecnically, a walking folklore or even a cryptid to the people of Ionia. He has too many weird attributes and if you describe him in a prose heavy way he immediately becomes horrifying; this is something I've been actively experimenting with in my threads with my mutuals and have noticed in a few other interactions. I'm not sure why I had never thought about it before, but I feel its quite a natural progression for him considering where he currently is.

Example; His words are not harsh as he stalks around the ronin, staring down at him with those horrifically wide eyes, the fire of the campside less a warm invitation and more a damning inferno within the reflection of his iris. Robin always did have that strange way about him, a strangely uneven splice of a man and something otherworldly. Perhaps he was now, simply something that never was supposed to return - a being who knew too much of what lay beyond, one who knew too much of what could be crawling within.

Example 2: The realization of a thief dawned upon the mage and he, with the slow creeping nature of an owl, rotated his blind gaze in the direction of the brush where the man hid. Irrefutably nightmarish was the hollow stare which locked onto the hiding jackal, one which screamed of death and horrific ends to all those foolish enough to steal from the land the mage had cultivated.

His condition erases more and more of him per day, and it plucks at his individualism as he merges further into the wildnerness of Ionia; he has no one to pull him from taking the same steps everyday. Much like how animals in nature practice the same motions from dawn to dusk - he is the same, he goes down the same paths, gathers the same berries and herbs etc. It can be easy to see how this has twisted his perception of himself; he gives himself "jobs" to do because it is his only way to see others and have a moment away from the mundane schedule of his life. He has always seen his worth in his work, every verse, every timeline - he is tied to what he can produce and without any interuptions he will never stop. And given that he no longer needs to eat or sleep anymore, he is consistently going without end. I imagine one of the only people to really tell him to slow down and stop would be @yanlei while he was with the Order of Shadows - perhaps one of the only people in his whole life to make him feel like a human being, instead of a workhorse, instead of a failure.

Even worse throughout all of this is how humans are cultivated and created through our memories, we are made from all of the little things throughout our lives. Big events, small events, every tiny little interaction changes our perception of ourselves and our lives. Robin is currently, and has been, gradually forgetting his life from before his murder; he hardly even remembers his family and they were his main driving force for everything he ever did. He remembers their names, how many siblings he had, how old they were...but their personalities are lost on him. Without those memories, what is he but the moss growing up the wall of his shack? How can he hope to ever properly heal without having the ability to open those memories back up and look at them with a fresh stare? What is left of life when the rest has gone?

His purpose in life is clear when there is a task; he knows little of who he is without it.

As for Abel he is a totally different story in and of itself. "Abel" originally formed when Robin was 15 years old and took over several spaces within his life that were empty. It became his mentor, his only "family" - even going as far as to use his father's voice from his memories, and it also taught him things he asked it to. Robin is acutely aware of Abel's nature and is generally mistrusting of it; however it has not lied to him even remotely as much as he believes. Abel taught him how to speak and how to navigate the deeper underbelly of Zaun that ROBIN WANTED TO GO INTO. Robin was disillusioned when he could not find the answers he wanted, and was arrogant enough to travel into a place of unethical work in order to try and find a solution to the loss of life tormenting him.

Abel simply gave Robin the tools in which he asked for, but every decision, every mistake, and every error was caused by Robin alone. Even in death, Bel pushes Robin to break his habits and find people to communicate with, it rewards him for it and offers him ways to heal but only HE can cause the change he wants to see and experience. Until he can find it within himself again that he is a human and not a beast within the woods, he will have moons for eyes, and a gait that follows the breeze swept through the trees - what comes after..? He has yet to see.

#mun speaks #headcanon inquiries #bells of black sunday #verse: league #i love these questions for robin #cut for length

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hippiemikelove-blog · 2 months

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#AddictionRecovery #AllCannabinoids #Cannabis #CannabisBlogs #CannabisHeals #CannabisIsMedicine #CannabisMyMedicine #CannabisRecovery #CBD #PAWS #RecoveryIsPossible #THC #WholePlant

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queerprayers · 3 years

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Hi Johanna! :) I'm currently (and have been on and off for a few months) struggling with my view of Jesus' divinity. I have Christian friends who think Jesus = God and friends who think He was just a normal human like us and that's it,, and somehow i feel as if I'm somewhere in between rn? Learning that titles such as "the son of God" were used for normal human leaders at that time really threw me, and also that Jews now and I guess in Jesus' time think the Messiah will just be a normal human, and the "I am" statements in John's gospel were probably not actually said by Jesus but were written by John to kind of describe Him but also John said Jesus was "the word made flesh" not "God made flesh" and like what even is the word exactly??? now I'm thinking there's really nowhere in the new testament that claims that Jesus is God, but then there are things like Collosians 1:15-17 which sounds like it's suggesting it but doesn't explicitly say that Jesus is God...?? So essentially I'm just v confused and was wondering what your beliefs about it all are and why you believe what you believe?? and just really any information or resources you have on the topic would be v much appreciated, thank you so much (also I love your blog!) :))

Hello! This is such a wonderful question that I don't know a ton about, but I love thinking about it and I hope I say/find something that's helpful to you!

I grew up and still identify as Lutheran, so that theology is what I'm familiar with and am influenced by. I and my Lutheran siblings, as well as many other Christians, believe that Jesus was/is fully God and fully Man. Your phrase that you're "somewhere in between right now" makes so much sense to me, although for me it's not so much in between as both! Jesus on earth was born physically, had a human body and genes, ate, laughed, pooped, and died. I believe that, simultaneously, Jesus was God, fully divine. I don't have the words or the knowledge to spout perfect Trinitarian teachings right now (and probably never will), but my favorite description/representation of the Trinity is that God is love, and love is an interpersonal action. So love made manifest cannot be a sole being: God as Lover, Jesus as Beloved, the Holy Spirit as Love. That's only one way to look at it, but even looking a tiny bit into this kind of Trinity theology, you'll learn that we see Father, Son, and Holy Spirit as three representations of the same God, three in one. This is batshit crazy to many people, including many Christians, and I acknowledge and respect that! It is crazy! Anyway, all that to say that I do believe Jesus is a manifestation of God, but that God took human form and saw through our eyes.

A thought about Martin Luther's opinion: "Luther repeatedly argues that the basis for attributing divinity to Jesus is that the person of faith understands that Jesus Christ has done for humanity what only God can do" ("Martin Luther: A Pure Doctrine of Faith" by Micharl Stoltzfus, Journal of Lutheran Ethics, 2003).

Whether you think anything Jesus said was Him verbally claiming to be God, He, over and over, places himself in the role of God, forgiving people, healing people, and making promises/interpretations for them. I realized this while watching Jesus Christ Superstar (yeah, sue me)— whether or not you believe Jesus is God, Jesus obviously thought so, or at least thought himself at the same level as God. C. S. Lewis has a great point about this in Mere Christianity.

I think your statement that something was ". . . not actually said by Jesus but [was] written by John to . . . describe Him" is a good point about how we look at the Bible— if one believes that every word in the Bible comes directly from God, then that is God describing Themself as Jesus, so Jesus saying something and God dictating it to John would be the same thing! This isn't a criticism, I was just pointing out that what you believe about the Bible will definitely affect how you look at this— just something to think about! I'm not a Biblical literalist (or whatever you want to call it) by any means, but I do lean towards divine inspiration and the Spirit having a hand in the writing of the Bible, as well as acknowledging that the human writers' personal perspective and prejudices shine through.

Your question "What is "the Word" exactly?" is a great one! John uses the Greek word logos in John 1, ("word," "discourse," or "reason") as a title for Jesus, and it's absolutely beautiful. In the Bible, "the Word" is used to describe something that God has decreed, something that God has said when addressing humans, words that God spoke through the prophets, God's written Word (the Bible), and Jesus Christ Himself. Jesus is referred to as the Word in John 1 and Revelation 19. Jesus is these things! He's something God decreed, He is God addressing humans, He has spoken through the prophets— Jesus is the physical manifestation of God's Word.

Oh, one more thing! It's so interesting to talk about what the early Church believed, but I think it's funny when people use it as a "gotcha" when the early Church didn't believe something, and other people do. Like, was the early Church perfect and right all the time? Why can't the disciples and early saints get something wrong that later people got right? So obviously it's important to learn about early Christian theology, but it's not some pure teaching that we have to get back to— it's proof that we're constantly evolving!

Here are some sources/resources/thoughts on stuff I've talked about!

What are the strongest biblical arguments for the divinity of Christ? (Got Questions)

Was the divinity of Jesus a Late Invention of the Council of Nicea? (Canon Fodder)

The Divinity of Jesus: An Early Christian Debate (Cynthia Stewart, Saint Mary's Press)

The Divinity of Jesus & 5 Reasons it Matters (David Guzik, Calvary Chapel)

What the Early Church Believed: The Divinity of Christ (Catholic.com)

What Does the Phrase "the Word of God" Mean? (Don Stewart, Blue Letter Bible)

Logos (Christianity) (Wikipedia)

Scholastic Lutheran Christology (Wikipedia)

A Lutheran-Orthodox Common Statement on Faith in the Holy Trinity

Who is God—The Trinity? (Holy Cross Lutheran Church)

The mystery of the Trinity (Delmer Chilton, Living Lutheran)

The Moody Handbook of Messianic Prophecy: Studies and Expositions of the Messiah in the Old Testament by Michael Rydelnik & Edwni Blum

Christology: A Biblical, Historical, and Systematic Study of Jesus Christ by Gerald O'Collins

Is Jesus Truly God?: How the Bible Teaches the Divinity of Christ by Gregory R. Lanier

I'm not sure that I actually answered any questions— I may have just created more, but that is the nature of theology, I'm afraid. Good luck in your learning and thinking, and may you come to your own idea of how to think about and relate to Jesus— there isn't one right way, don't worry. I'm not even claiming that I or my denomination's beliefs are "right," although I do think they're true. (I like differentiating those.)

Thank you so much for your support of my blog, and I hope you have a lovely day/night!

<3 Johanna

#asks #resources #theology #jesus

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uncloseted · 3 years

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How do I deal with being unattractive? Not like "I'm ugly (but I'm actually pretty)" but knowing you just don't catch people's eyes and your looks don't stand out. I know I'm like this because both of my friends are conventionally attractive and wherever we go they get looks, hit on, and on dating apps they constantly get matches and significant numbers of people wanting to sleep with them, whereas I get ignored or ghosted by people online and offline. I don't even really want to sleep with anyone, I just feel bad because I know I'm not beautiful and I'll never be the beautiful person but I want to move past it and forget my looks even exist tbh. Do you have any advice?

There's a lot to unpack when talking about beauty. I think typically the response to someone feeling unattractive is either denial of the person's feelings ("but you are pretty!"), a fallback on useless platitudes ("Everyone is beautiful!"), or a dismissal of beauty as something that holds value ("why do you care if you're pretty? That's so vain, there are more important things in life" or "beauty standards are just social constructs").

To a degree, I understand why people would say things like that. Many people who don't feel beautiful are still attractive to others. The beauty standards we hold are frequently xenophobic, racist, colorist, homophobic, transphobic, ageist, and ableist. There are all sorts of things that are more important than being beautiful, like the quality of a person's character or the contributions they've made to the world around them.

But I don't think those responses make the experience of being unattractive or unremarkable but wanting to be beautiful any easier. We can cognitively understand that the standards of beauty we're held to are problematic while still wanting to be beautiful. So what's the solution? I think there are probably a few different options that need to work together.

First, there are external ways to become attractive. There's the obvious, like finding makeup looks that make you feel pretty (or attract other people to you), or finding clothing styles that really suit your body, or, at the more extreme end, getting cosmetic procedures done to change how you look. I recognize that this is a bit of a problematic suggestion given that we're all supposed to learn to love ourselves the way we are and never put any effort into "improving" our appearance, and I feel a kind of kneejerk reaction of guilt for moving away from that. But fashion and cosmetics are such giant industries for a reason; they make people feel more beautiful. And in a world that insists on beauty, I don't think there's anything wrong with using the tools available to us to feel more beautiful.

As an extension of the physical, or perhaps, as an alternative, you could focus on style instead of beauty. This idea of style as an alternative to beauty is one that I was introduced to through a Contrapoints video where Natalie discusses her own relationship to beauty. In it, she talks about how a person can be stylish at any age, regardless of if your physical appearance is conventionally attractive. It's a way to cultivate a personal visual aesthetic for yourself, one that lets people know who you are without having to conform to beauty standards. Style is a way to stand out and to be seen, beauty or not.

Which, in a roundabout kind of way, brings me to my second point- the internal. Oftentimes, I think we approach physical attractiveness as if it's a purely physical trait, but that's not really the case. Think about the women who are consistently voted as "the most attractive woman alive". They're not usually the blonde, baby faced lingerie models that we (culturally) think of as the pinnacles of beauty. They're typically actresses. And sure, they're physically beautiful, at least, after the cosmetic surgeons, makeup artists, stylists, hairdressers, and photo editors have done their jobs (you would be surprised how many celebrities aren't naturally beautiful).

But more than being physically attractive, they're charismatic. It may sound cliched or a bit mumsy, but I really do think that we're attracted to confidence and charisma more than we are to how a person physically looks. And that's why style works; it's a physical expression of confidence in yourself, a visual expression of charisma.

So, okay, then, how do we build charisma? MacArthur “genius” psychologist Angela Duckworth says that charisma basically boils down to communicating, “I like you and I like me/the world likes me”. If you want to communicate that you like someone else, eye contact, saying their name in conversation, and being interested in them and what they’re saying are all easy ways to do it. Communicating, “I like me” or “the world likes me” is more complicated, and it’s really where confidence comes into play. Smiling, not being self-deprecating, and holding yourself in a way that communicates confidence (open and with good posture) are all part of that. But to truly like yourself, you need to start building your self-confidence.

Building self-confidence is a process, but I would start with a simple exercise. Every morning, look at yourself in the mirror and say some things you like about yourself. Focus on those things that you like and try to only focus on those things. Each day, try to add a new thing to the list. When you’re out and about, remember those things that you like about yourself, focus on them, and try to draw attention to them. When other people compliment you, add those to your list as well. I think eventually by recognizing all of the things that you like about yourself, you’ll be able to feel like there are things about you that you can be confident in, and you won’t focus so much on the things that you feel are negative. These don't have to be just physical attributes; include things about your personality and your relationship to world as well.

Another thing you can try is looking for celebrities who you find beautiful who have similar traits to the ones you dislike in yourself. It can be hard to appreciate our own traits or see them as beautiful, but sometimes seeing them on someone else can help us to realize that actually, they can be really pretty.

Finally (and sorry this has been so long, there really was a lot to talk about here), it's okay to totally move past how you look and to adopt a policy of body neutrality. You don't owe anyone physical beauty. You can live a fulfilled life without being attractive. Your body is capable of doing all sorts of things that allow you to engage with the world, and that is more than enough. Practicing body neutrality may include things like being grateful that your legs allow you to walk from point A to B, or that your arms allow you to hug your loved ones, or that your lungs allow you to breathe. It may look like wearing clothes that are comfortable for you instead of focusing on how they look. It may look like caring for your body because regardless of how you feel about it, it's the only one you have. It may be focusing on your passions and goals and appreciating how your body allows you to achieve them. It's okay to not want to engage with beauty as a concept.

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mamichigo · 3 years

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Title: at the bottom (where the eyes can't see)

Pairing: Kokichi/Shuichi

Rating: G

Word count: 2,1k

Tags: Hope's Peak AU, Post Hope's Peak, Bittersweet, Fluff and Angst, Pre-Relationship, Aged-up characters

Summary: "Because, one year ago, Kokichi disappeared without a trace before he could even attend the graduation ceremony."

Shuichi meets Kokichi again.

Notes: Gift for participant #32 in the @kokichigiftexchange

"Ouma-kun?"

It's too early in the morning to encounter anyone; the only sound at the beach is the quiet murmur of the waves. A lone person stands where the waves come to lap at their bare feet, and the person shivers in what he can only presume is freezing water. Shuichi is compelled to attribute it to a Christmas phantom, a hallucination born out of wishful thinking.

But he recognizes that messy head of hair, the diminutive stature. Kokichi Ouma looks like he hasn't changed at all, just like he stepped out of one of Shuichi's restless dreams.

His feet crunch on the sand, and it's that rather than the whispered name that alerts Kokichi to his presence. He turns with eyes narrowed, but suspicion melts into recognition when he spots Shuichi. To his surprise, that look morphs into horror almost immediately. Kokichi takes a step back and looks around.

"You don't need to run away," Shuichi hurries to reassure him. "If you don't want to talk, that's… That's okay."

It isn't. Just insinuating it is makes him nauseous. Kokichi smiles in a cynic way that tells him he's still just as good at spotting lies. But, right now, as long as he can make Kokichi stay, Shuichi will tell as many white lies as necessary.

Because, one year ago, Kokichi disappeared without a trace before he could even attend the graduation ceremony.

"It's been awhile," Shuichi whispered.

Kokichi's shoulders hunch. Shuichi is sure that if he could, Kokichi would be putting up a physical barrier between the two of them. In the absence of that, he keeps his body language closed off, not even bothering to fully face Shuichi.

"It would've been much longer if I had my way," Kokichi snaps back. There's none of the joking, childish tone that used to always be in his voice.

"Your plan was to never see any of us again, wasn't it?" Shuichi muses to himself. He watches Kokichi's tense form. "Then, why are you here?"

Kokichi scoffs. "It's a big city, as if I ever planned to just accidentally bump into you. Or anyone, for that matter."

"No, but why would you still be in the city at all? It's not what you'd do, if you wanted to disappear."

Kokichi raises his eyebrows at him in challenge. Shuichi tries to tell himself he isn't trembling as well.

"I'd know. I looked for you."

Kokichi's eyes widen, and just for a moment, there's a crack in his mask. He bites at his bottom lip and a pained twitch appears at the corners of his eyes. Kokichi turns his head down and away, staring at something. Shuichi only now realizes Kokichi is clutching something in his hands.

"I wouldn't expect any less from the Ultimate Detective! Ah, you must be an active detective now, so I'm sure you have all kinds of resources at your disposal now. It wouldn't be hard to look for little ol' me, right?" Kokichi swirls to look at him. The smile on his face looks like it hurts his cheeks. "That's what it means to be an Ultimate, right?"

Shuichi shifts his weight, and realizes he has nothing to say to that. Kokichi was right. It was frighteningly easy to look into Kokichi's whereabouts, and even more terrifying to realize even then he couldn't find his missing ex-classmate.

Everywhere he goes, he sees his other classmates, even the ones he is no longer in contact with. On TV, billboards, online forums, on the news. Every single one of them, except Kokichi.

"What have you been up to all this time?" Shuichi asks, like he has done so many times to the silent copy of Kokichi that appears to him whenever he closes his eyes.

"This," Kokichi deadpans. "But that's not really the question you want to ask, is it, Saihara-chan?"

Shuichi looks to Kokichi's shoes, lying on the sand. To his clenched toes, dipped in water. To his fingers, almost purple at the tips where they clutch some mysterious box. Finally, he looks into Kokichi's eyes, and finds nothing but guarded apathy. Shuichi has gotten no better at reading Kokichi than he used to be when they were both attending Hope's Peak.

"What question do you think I want to ask?"

"Oh, please." Kokichi rolls his eyes and clicks his tongue. "I'm not in the mood for the charades."

"That used to be all you were in the mood for."

"But we're not at Hope's Peak anymore, are we?"

Shuichi opens and closes his mouth a few times, but can't settle on an answer. Shuichi swallows.

"But you're still you."

"Don't act like you know me."

"Ouma-kun…"

Shuichi tries to touch his arm, if only for the comfort of knowing this Kokichi is not an illusion, but Kokichi knocks his hand away before he can get close enough to do it. Kokichi pins him with an angry look.

"Is it just me, or have you gotten bolder, Saihara-chan? Assertive, even!" Every word drips with sarcasm. "My sincere congratulations!"

Shuichi presses his lips into a straight line. He looks away for a moment, and is reminded of how cold it truly is when a gust of wind makes goosebumps raise on his flesh. Shuichi watches Kokichi's still trembling figure.

"What are you doing here, Ouma-kun?" Shuichi asks again, dread at the back of his throat.

Kokichi hums in thought. He kicks at the water half-heartedly and winces when droplets of it fall on himself. He shakes the box in his hand, and it rattles.

"To dispose of useless things," Kokichi says.

"On a Christmas morning, in the middle of Winter?"

"What can I say, it's a little symbolic this way."

"What's inside the box?"

They look at each other for a moment that's a few eternities too long. Slowly, slowly, a smile tugs at Kokichi's lips. It's small and secretive; it's the same smile Kokichi had given him the last time they talked, framed by pouring rain and dark clouds. Shuichi's breath catches in his throat.

"Nothing worth remembering."

Perhaps it's the shock of the sudden memory that makes him stand there and watch as Kokichi raises his hands above his head and throws the box into the ocean. Kokichi turns like he means to leave, and the box falls into the water with a wet plop. Shuichi looks from one to the other, and chases after the sinking box.

He manages to see Kokichi whip his head back to look at him, but he doesn't have the time to think about that.

"Saihara-chan!" Kokichi yells when his body hits the water.

Shuichi takes a deep breath and dives. The freezing cold shocks him into almost inhaling the water, but Shuichi slaps a hand to his mouth and swallows the urge to gasp for breath. The seawater stings at his open eyes, but he has enough visibility to see the dark polish of the wooden box. Shuichi grabs for it and resurfaces with a gasp.

He doesn't get out of the water immediately, floating there and breathing with his eyes closed. His fingers are slippery, but he cradles the box to his chest and doesn't let go.

"Saihara-chan!" Kokichi yells again.

Shuichi raises his head slowly. Numbly, he waves to Kokichi. It takes some effort to drag himself out the water with his clothes weighing him down, but Shuichi manages to get back to shore.

Shuichi never imagined he'd spend his morning diving into the ocean, with a fuming Kokichi glaring at him. He almost laughs.

"What the hell is wrong with you?!" Kokichi hisses. He gets into Shuichi's personal space, raised to the tip of his toes to grab Shuichi by the lapels of his coat. The seawater in his hair drips onto Kokichi's cheeks. "I know you can be stupid, but this is a new low!"

Shuichi nods numbly. "A-At least…" His teeth chatter. "At least I got it. The box."

Kokichi stares incredulously at the wooden box. Shuichi can nearly see it when the thread that holds him together snaps.

"You think I care?! I was here to throw that away, you idiot! This was supposed to be the last of— Of all this!" Kokichi shook him roughly.

"Wait, Ouma-kun, that hurts—"

"That stupid school, this city, this useless thing they called a talent. I'm getting rid of all of it."

Kokichi continues his barrage, and Shuichi has to step back when Kokichi gets too close. In the frenzy, they end up tangled in each other's feet, and they both fall painfully. Shuichi winces, but Kokichi isn't deterred. If anything, he looks all the more furious.

"You can't stop me from doing it, Saihara-chan," Kokichi says in a fervent whisper.

"You were trying to say goodbye," Shuichi realizes.

For a tense moment, neither of them speak. Kokichi is still furious above him, expression twisted. Shuichi has a feeling that, if he was capable of doing it sincerely, Kokichi would be crying. Shuichi wants to hug him.

He chuckles quietly.

"What are you laughing about?"

"That's the first time you've ever been this sincere with me," Shuichi says with a smile he knows is too soft.

Kokichi sighs exasperatedly and hangs his head. He ends up with his forehead to Shuichi's collarbone. He's still clutching Shuichi's coat tightly.

"I hate you," Kokichi says.

"I missed you," Shuichi answers.

He dares lay a hand on Kokichi's head, and though he flinches, he doesn't say anything about it. Shuichi runs his fingers from his scalp to the tip of his hair. He gently plays with the tips like he so starkly remembers Kokichi doing whenever he was focused on whatever thoughts were on his mind. Shuichi can see it, in his mind's eyes: Kokichi sitting on the table, legs crossed, grinning as he lies through his teeth about one thing or another.

He doesn't have the time to dwell on the memory, as Kokichi grows antsy in the prolonged contact. He pushes himself away and sits on the sand next to Shuichi. He's still within arm's reach, Shuichi notes as he sits up as well.

Kokichi forces him to remove his outer layer and offers his own coat in exchange.

"Thank you."

"Whatever."

Kokichi rests his cheek on his knee and doesn't bother looking at Shuichi again. Shuichi frowns, just a little bit, but concedes that at least Kokichi has yet to leave.

"Why did you disappear?" Shuichi asks.

"There it is, the million dollar question," Kokichi deadpans with a huff. He draws on the sand with his finger, and Shuichi can see he's pouting too. "Does it really matter?"

"I spent the last year searching for any clues of what might have happened to you." Shuichi allows for just a hint of steel to appear in his voice. "It matters."

Kokichi pauses for a moment. Then, he's right back to doodling. Shuichi can identify what looks like the hat he used to wear.

"There's only so much time you can spend on a farce. Every game has an ending. That's part of the fun too. You could say I got bored."

Shuichi observes him. He wonders if taking Kokichi's coat was a good idea, as he's shaking now more than ever. What he can see of his face is pale, with the exception of the underside of his eyes. He looks shockingly smaller. Shuichi realizes it's because his personality is so muted, a stark difference to how he presented himself so loudly before, impossible to ignore.

"Rather than bored, you just sound tired," Shuichi gently says.

"Thanks, Mr. Detective."

There is more to it than Kokichi is saying, but this is already more personal information than Kokichi would ever reveal about himself. They have time, enough for Shuichi to prod at his motivation, to peel the layers of what happened to Kokichi. He can only hope that's true.

"What are you going to do now?"

"Same thing I've been doing. Which is to say, nothing." Kokichi seems to remember something. He shifts a little to point at the box Shuichi is holding. "Ah, you can keep that. You went through the trouble of throwing yourself into the ocean for it, so you win."

"I didn't know we were playing," Shuichi jokes.

"Aren't we always."

Carefully, Shuichi undoes the clasp that holds the lid closed. Inside the box, they are a number of little trinkets that he doesn't recognize, and a few he does. He sees a star pin he had won for Kokichi in a festival.

At the bottom of it all, there are a couple of pictures. The one at the top had his own face smiling up at him, with a laughing Kokichi clinging to him by the neck, half raised off the floor.

Shuichi turns a fond smile at Kokichi, but he's still resolutely avoiding eye contact. Shuichi keeps that secret to himself, and reaches for his friend's hand instead. Just a touch of his pinky to Kokichi's. Kokichi twitches, but his hand stays right where it is.

"I'm glad I didn't let you throw it away."

#kokichi ouma #shuichi saihara #saiouma #oumasai #danganronpa #ndrv3 #my writing

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thestupidhelmet · 3 years

Note

What would you say are the core personalities of the six? I don't know if you've made a meta about this already since I'm fairly new here. Love your blog!

Thank you! 😊

I’ve written a few metas on the characters’ personalities or characterizations. But I’ll write up what I interpret their consistent core characterizations to be. First, a preamble.

Unfortunately, That ‘70s Show’s writers had a tendency to forget, ignore, or outright change the characters’ core characterizations, too often introducing new elements -- to serve plot -- that conflict with earlier established personality traits confirmed and reconfirmed by many episodes that followed. This is different than character development, which is grounded often in incremental changes over several / many episodes or even seasons.

Most of these revisions of the characters’ core personalities are negative. Only one I can think of is positive: Hyde’s in “Prom Night” (1x19). The core of his character gets a complete overhaul once his role as Eric’s villainous foil and rival for Donna’s affection is over.

Because of the show’s inconsistent writing, one can pick and choose which consistently depicted attributes are the truly canon parts of a character’s personality. Later in the series, these consistently depicted attributes often conflict. When I write fanfic and @those70scomics, I depicts the characters according to what I believe are their core personalities. Other people can reasonably view their core personalities differently.

Now to answer your question.

Fez

He’s insecure about fitting in with his group of friends and among Americans in general. This insecurity sometimes manifests as neediness with friends and girlfriends alike.

He’s loyal to his friends and generally caring. He doesn’t like hurting their feelings. He’s in touch with his emotions and sensitive, which means he can be hurt rather easily by his friends’ or others’ thoughtless remarks toward him -- or hurt by what he misinterprets as an insult (e.g., Hyde telling Fez he needs to act aloof to attract women, and Fez believing Hyde is calling him “a loof,” which Fez apparently thinks is a put-down).

He’s not defenseless, however. He’s got a quick wit and comes back with cutting remarks of his own or simply cuts off his friends with his catchphrase and its varieties (i.e. “Good day. ... I said good day!”)

He’s passionate, but this passion variously paired with his insecurity, neediness, and sensitivity can cloud his judgement, which causes him to go too far in many areas: dirty jokes, masturbation, pursuit of unavailable girls, eating candy, etc.

He suffers from Nice Guy syndrome with Jackie during seasons 2 and 3. This means he has a sense of entitlement to Jackie’s romantic and sexual affection, and his respectful treatment of her is predicated on the expectation of romantic and sexual reward. Once he realizes that she’ll never reciprocate his romantic feelings, his respectful treatment of her diminishes greatly.

In season one, he’s depicted as insightful to other people’s feelings and motivations. In seasons 1-4, he’s also depicted as romantic and a romantic. He’s a serial monogamist, but he suffers somewhat from toxic masculinity (e.g., calling Jackie little girl when he believes she’s overstepped her bounds) and sexism (e.g., often calling girls whores; once this insult is prompted by a girl who does not put out sexually, which is the opposite of the meaning of whore). With Rhonda, though, this toxic masculinity and sexism seem not to be evident.

He longs for intimacy, whether platonic (men) or romantic (women). See this meta about how the show writes Fez and Kelso’s relationship as near-romantic in later seasons while also (re)affirming Fez and Kelso’s canonical straightness to keep T7S’s universe a heteronormative one.

Fez is obsessed with losing his virginity, but for the first four seasons of the show, the depiction of this obsession falls in line with that of many teenage boys his age. It’s not out of the ordinary. Eric is shown to have the same obsession until he and Donna finally have sex. Further, Fez’s obsession is not so all-encompassing that he can’t put it aside for love. He does so for his love of Rhonda -- until “Everybody Loves Casey” (4x26), where the best parts of his core characterization are destroyed. See my meta The Deterioration of Fez’s Character for details.

My Take: I prefer to write the insightful, loyal Fez who sometimes doesn’t know how far to push a joke. He can be insecure, but he’s also got a strong moral center and sense of what’s right and wrong -- or develops this sense more thoroughly during a given story. He’s flawed but very capable of growing and changing due to his ability to examine his own behavior and love for his friends.

Kelso

In season one, Kelso is a math and tech prodigy who has little common sense and or will power. He’s also loyal to Eric and Hyde and clearly loves them, but his impulsivity and addiction to sexual pleasure drive him to act thoughtlessly. He displays a sense of entitlement but not a pathological one. He’s capable of apologizing for his thoughtless and entitled behavior. See this meta about “Ski Trip” (1x13) for an in depth analysis of Kelso’s behavior during that episode.

After season 1, his math and technology knowledge is gonet. His selfishness and sense of entitlement overshadow his loyalty to anyone (or anything) other than fulfilling his own needs and desires. His lack of common sense becomes cartoonish. He acts maliciously when he feels slighted, which happens when he doesn’t get what he believes he’s entitled to. He relentlessly pesters Jackie verbally and physically for sex when she just wants to sleep. He’s pathologically narcissistic, vain, and dishonest.

During the end of season 3 and beginning of season 4, however, he begins to grow and change. He experiences and express remorse toward Jackie for treating her so badly -- without any expectation of return. His selfishness fades significantly, as does his lying, but neither attribute disappears completely. He’s capable of putting his own wants and desires aside for Jackie’s, but she sometimes has to assert herself more than once for him to do so.

During the end of season 4, unfortunately, he not only reverts back to type, he also becomes worse. He rescinds his remorse and gives Jackie the responsibility for his cheating. He speaks misogynistically about women and her, and is just generally awful. See my metas Jackie Kissing Todd “the Cheese Guy” and Kelso’s Reaction and False Equivalency: Kelso’s “Most Romantic Gesture” Toward Jackie for further analysis.

In season 5, Kelso reaches the peak of his self-entitled narcissism, selfishness, hypocrisy, and possessiveness over Jackie. He interprets Jackie dating Hyde as an act of betrayal and an attack on his pride and self-esteem. He seeks out revenge on both of them, even while trying to “win Jackie back” with the same kind of maliciousness he shows Jackie in season 2 when she doesn’t forgive his cheating within a week of her discovering it.

Throughout the series, he makes unwanted sexual advances toward Donna. He tries to grope her breast repeatedly while she sleeps. He tries to sneak a glimpse of her breasts while she changes, and she’s so sick of his whining that she gives into what he wants (in “Class Picture” [4x20]). The writers intended this scene to be funny, but it’s actually horrific and parallels Jackie’s complaints about Kelso pawing at her and whining relentlessly for sex that she gives in so she can sleep.

He makes these numerous sexual advances on Donna when she’s in a relationship with Eric and when she and Eric are broken up. Yet he when he and Jackie are no longer together, he acts like Hyde has committed a crime against him for being in a consensual relationship with Jackie.

Without Ashton’s comedic timing and likability, Kelso would be unbearable to watch during seasons 1-5. Kelso is funny only because of Ashton’s performance.

But in season 6, Kelso gets another chance at a true character growth arc. He fights his selfish, cowardly tendencies to have a place in Brooke’s life and their child’s (whom hasn’t been born yet). He works hard to prove his ability to be a good father. and himself worthy of Brooke’s love. Even more, he makes an act of utter unselfishness and sacrifice by letting Brooke and their baby go -- to live Chicago with Brooke’s mom -- because that’s what’s best for them, not him.

That being said, he still demonstrates an amount of selfishness toward his friends.

Season 7 again drops him back to status quo -- almost. Brooke is gone. He’s barely involved in his child’s life. He dates Hyde’s newfound sister, in part to burn Hyde. But at least he treats Angie with respect and is faithful to her, as far as we’re shown. So that part of his growth from season 6 stuck.

Throughout all the seasons, he’s shown to have a vast imagination. He fancies himself an inventor or an astronaut. He comes up with some wild -- and some might say insane -- ideas. He’s creative despite not being very skilled.

My Take: I generally write Kelso as a selfish, self-entitled narcissist because of when my T7S fics take place in the series. I also use his lack of common sense as comic relief. But I prefer the Kelso capable of growth and change, the one who is willing to put his own needs and desires aside for the benefit of other people. This latter characterization development has continued in @those70scomics, and I’ve given him major growth arcs in my stories Reflections Through the Glass, Beneath a Shattered Sky, and Those Who Play with Demons (which I have yet to finish writing).

Eric

Eric has a compassionate heart. He cares about his family, his friends, and people in general. But he also suffers deep insecurities about his masculinity thanks to Red’s treatment of him. Eric is more in touch with his emotions, like his mother, and Red has trouble relating to him. Red also worries Eric might be too emotionally vulnerable to survive the real world, which is why he’s so hard on him (see “Hunting” [2x13]).

Because of modeling his dad gives him on masculinity, the clear messages that Eric isn’t masculine enough, and what he absorbs from observing how society expects men to behave, he suffers from bouts of chauvinism. Donna.is regularly the recipient of Eric’s insecurities about his manliness. He often feels threatened by her self-confidence, athletic ability, intelligence, etc. -- because she’s a woman and his best friend / girlfriend / fiancée. He falsely believes her strengths highlight his weaknesses as a man.

But he’s also patient and unselfish with Donna, putting aside his own sexual desires for her need to go slowly or for celibacy (in season 6). He’s supportive of her and all his family and friends, including Laurie and Jackie -- both of whom he has an antagonistic relationship with. He’s very loyal to his friends.

Eric uses sarcasm and his quick wit as defense mechanisms. Some might say he’s a little stunted in his growth due to his continued enjoyment of playing with action figures. He indulges at times in his mom’s infantilizing of him while also trying to assert his adulthood.

He has a specific vision for his future: marrying Donna and having a family with her. This vision, however, does not include a career. He doesn’t seem to be passionate about much else besides his relationship with Donna (and having sex with her) and Star Wars. This is a failing of the writers. Eric’s storylines are so Donna-focused that the show gives little space for what else he might be passionate about.

Eric is very much capable of recognizing, owning, and learning from his mistakes. He can be a total ass, but he eventually realizes his behavior and makes correction.

Donna

Donna is confident, athletic, intelligent, and a staunch defender of gender equality (when written consistently). She’s loyal to her friends. She often puts aside her own pride to protect Eric’s self-esteem. She gets angry at him almost only when he’s earned it. See In Defense of Donna (an essay in eight parts) for an in depth analysis on her relationship with Eric.

When she’s in severe emotional pain, she becomes self-destructive. Losing her relationship to Eric at the end of season 3 and her mom moving to California sends her into downward spiral. Earlier, we see this self-destructive trait in “Eric Gets Suspended” (2x09) when her parents pay little attention to her due to their obsession with the latest fads.

Her parents’ lack of boundaries with her -- exposing her to their marital troubles and making her a pawn in them, as well as not hiding their sexcapades from her -- create a strong sense of boundaries within her.

The state of her parents’ relationship often influences her confidence in her relationship with Eric. She’s afraid sex will destroy her relationship with Eric; but once her parents renew their wedding vows, she has faith enough that romantic relationships can last that she finally feels safe enough to have sex.

She strongly values her independence. She doesn’t want her life and prospects dictated or limited by her romantic relationship with Eric. She witnesses how her dad’s controlling chauvinism stifles her mom’s own independence and dreams for herself, and she refuses to let Eric’s insecurity and chauvinism do that to her.

She’s passionate about writing, both journalistic and fiction, as well as music. She’s playful and forgiving. She doesn’t fit the gender norms of the 1970s. She’s as comfortable playing basketball with the guys as she is decorating a room or gymnasium for an event. She has a mixture of femininity and masculinity, which only Jackie seems to insult her about.

Jackie

At her core, Jackie is a compassionate, generous, and insightful person. She gives far more gifts to Kelso during their relationship than he does her -- despite her always stating how much she wants presents. She gives Donna lots of advice and support during Donna and Eric’s transition from friends to lovers. She continues to give Donna advice and support throughout the series about her love life.

But Jackie can also be very controlling, insulting, and selfish. She’s quite vain, but she’s also insecure about all she acts secure about. See Does Jackie Become Less Insecure about Her Physical Appearance when She Dates Hyde? If So, Why?

Jackie has abandonment issues because of her parents. Her father isn’t home a lot and often shows his love for her through presents. The latter is why she wants / expects to get gifts from her boyfriend(s). She develops a marriage obsession out of wanting a guarantee she won’t be abandoned by her romantic partner, despite that marriage doesn’t actually guarantee this.

She also has a tendency toward self-delusion. She so needs Kelso to be whom she wants him to be that she goes into denial about his infidelity and all the negative qualities of his I described above. Eventually that delusion is broken, only to be replaced by delusions about Hyde. She transfers her feelings of (relationship-)safety from Kelso to Hyde.

Only when Kelso breaks her heart for the final time at the end of season 4 does she break out of this delusion cycle. She fantasizes about what her future with Hyde might be like, but that isn’t the same as deluding herself. Plus, Hyde consistently disabuses her of these unrealistic fantasies and offers her a much healthier and happier potential reality.

Once she’s with Hyde in season 5, she begins growing and changing significantly. Instead of complaining of her suffering as she does, for instance, during her S2-S3 break-up with Kelso, she hides the fact her mom has completely abandoned her after her dad goes to prison. She tells no one her mom hasn’t come home from Mexico.

This is not one of the healthier changes she makes in season 5, but fantasizing away her pain no longer works as a defense mechanism. Instead, she believes she has to face her struggles alone. Fortunately, Hyde discovers the truth and gives her a safe place and, in a very real way, becomes a literal safe place for her himself. (The writers screwed this up for the sake of a season-ending cliffhanger, but that’s beyond the scope of this meta.)

Jackie can be stubborn and determined. She wants what’s best for the people she loves, especially Hyde. She’s extremely forgiving. She doesn’t trust her ability to take care of herself, but she learns that she can (through getting a job, Hyde’s encouragement, her public access TV show, etc.)

She’s a complex character. When people don’t look beyond her surface, they find her easily dismissible. The writers too often wrote her this way during the series. But they also added many layers to her, as I’ve described in this meta.

Hyde

See the following metas I wrote about him:

Hyde’s Core Characterization Steven Hyde: Organic Character Development Steven Hyde: Inconsistent Characterization Hyde’s Character Shift from Season 4 to Season 5 Why Hyde Closes Himself Off More Emotionally in Season 5 Pathological Passive-Aggressiveness: A New Personality Trait Added to Hyde’s Character in Season 5 Hyde’s Potential Career

#That 70s Show #That '70s Show #Jackie x Hyde #Eric Forman #Michael Kelso #Ask #Anon #My Meta #My Essay #Meta #Essay #Core Characterization #Donna #Fez #Jackie #Hyde

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2ndblogg · 3 years

Note

Hey! Just read your hot take on novel!wangxian and I absolutely agree. I'm gonna have to say here that I believe it boils down to the fetishization of homosexual men in a lot of the fandom culture that surrounds mlm shipping, as you said it's a space for a lot of women to experiment with their desires and whatnot, but I think therein lies the breaking points between reading novel!wangxian as a good, healthy relationship vs. reading it as a very flawed and toxic one. As an LGBT person, reading the way the author dealt with their relationship made me extremely uncomfortable, it just really feels like something that is written by someone who is more invested in using her queer characters for satisfying her and her reader's own pleasure than a well-built, strong relationship between two characters. Not to take away from the novel in some other aspects, I believe that novel!wwx is a much better, much more nuanced character than what he is in cql, but when it comes to wangxian, I think the intentions are very different for each of them. To each their own, I guess, but I do find it very troubling that some people in the fandom have a really hard time admitting that novel wangxian is not even remotely healthy.

Absolutely.

And can I just say how glad it makes me to see that not everyone is praising this book for it’s lgbt representation...

But I guess that’s also why I just occasionally feel the need to scream my frustrations into the void or try to make sense of the novel.

And why I try to be understanding and accepting of people’s opinion of the novel and not take it ‘personally’ (in the sense of sitting there thinking “holy shit this is how they view ME, this is what they think of ME” etc).

I was in fandoms back when they were really a place dominated by straight (homophobic) women and realism or lgbt representation wasn’t on anyone’s mind (and the occasional dude butting in to say that’s not how sex works or bottoming is experienced was ignored or told to get out). I experienced this change to fandoms being more of a lgbt space, of people becoming aware that media can shape your views of groups of people, of people becoming aware of their fetishizing of fictional gays vs. their prejudice against real life lgbt people etc.

And tbh MXTX just writes like one of those, she writes wangxian like everyone wrote their gay relationships around 2005 and earlier; clear power imbalance, clear roles and attributes that are divided into ‘manly’ and ‘feminine’, certain physical attributes (like the female self insert character aka the bottom being pretty and slight and weaker and shorter), men/the penetrating partner can’t really be raped so anything the woman/bottom tries isn’t really ‘bad’, the male love interest is forceful and self centered but ONLY because he’s so in love and since he’s emotionally stunted he has to express that through sex, men/tops NEED sex and it’s rude/mean to deny them that, the girl/bottom isn’t THAT horny or in charge of their own sexuality but wants to please their partner and what they really get out of it is the emotional aspect, decisions need to be made for them because the dude/top just knows better, the girl/bottom is childish and flirty and the guy/top suffers through it until he finally snaps and shows the girl/bottom who'sboss etc etc. (honestly homophobia and misogyny is so tightly knit in this kind of fiction, if it wasn’t so frustrating it would be very interesting).

Tbh I disagree with novel!wwx being more nuanced (despite a lot of ppl whose opinions I really respect also feeling this way), because I simply cannot seperate him from the wangxian relationship. All I see are tropes and stereotypes applied to make him ‘work’ in the context of the wangxian relationship instead of an actual personality...

To me, in CQL WWX is clearly the main character and you love his interactions with LWJ and want more of them and value them, wheras in the novel most of the time WWX plays second fiddle even when a scene should technically be about him and LWJ’s presence is incredibly suffocating, because he’s always being controlling or at the very least influencing WWX.

I also don’t feel like WWX has much of a character arc/growth. We’re essentially told he had one but the only thing that really actually changes is him hating himself a bit more and letting LWJ smash..., and I guess: he’s less independent than ever, he’s more isolated that ever...

I’ve called novel!wangxian a relationship between an abuser and his victim, because you can find evidence of that in the text. Not because I think the author wanted to portray an unhealthy gay relationship. Like you said, she was fetishizing and wrote for a similar crowd. But to me that ‘realization’ helped...I still don’t see how people can call it a masterpiece but I can at least understand hyping something you like up...

And like, badly written gay relationship or not; gay/straight,man/women, I see how people can find it hot. Exploring your sexuality through fictional characters isn’t necessarily a strictly straight girl phenomena. I probably have read fic that was exactly like this, I can’t judge anyone for it. But no one prints out the last PWP they read and goes, “this is ideal lgbt representation and nothing will ever be this good, the fact that it includes rape makes it so realistic” like????

(Is that part or an effect of the woke and purety culture? you can’t say ‘i like this book but it has flaws’ or ‘i’ve enjoyed this but it’s not up the feminism or lgbt acceptance that i preach/live’ so you have to pretend it’s flawless?)

And like, I do think novel!wangxian is a nightmare when it comes to lgbt representation and I do believe this is largely due to a cishet woman writing about gay men and fetishizing them (the fact that a lot of peoples arguments why novel!wangxian ‘is better’ boils down to ‘there’s kissing and sex’ is also pretty telling). And I am frightend and worried by some peoples response to it.

But is it really fair to see it as just that? It’s a problem sure, but that same thing happens in straight media (which I am admittedly not well versed in). Stephanie Meyer didn’t set out to write Edward Cullen to be a creep and non of the teenage girls that went crazy over him viewed it as such...Reylo fans (aside from some of them proclaiming Finn to be the real villain and saying it’s racist and misogynistic to not find Kylo Ren hot) found a way to view him threatening her as romantic and sexy, Loki fans that didn’t ship him with Thor usually fell into the camp of “he would be a perfect boyfriend” or “what if this OFC was his slave and he raped her everyday <3″... like ignoring/glorifying/romanticizing behaviours or exploring what kinks you might have through the safety of fictional characters and fictional settings isn’t JUST happening when it comes to ‘the gays’...

And not just specifically in fandom spaces either, a lot of ‘romantic’ movies include inappropriate touching, the boy/guy knowing better than the girl what she wants etc. And I absolutely do believe that that’s something that normalized these things for a lot of young girls and guys (I don’t want to get into this too much, I’ve really seen a change in the past few years, but before that it was pretty common for young boys to believe they need to keep pursuing and pressuring a girl that has said no, girls truly thought boys could die of blue balls, girls thought it was their duty as good girlfriends to let their boyfriends fuck them even when they weren’t in the mood, that they couldn’t talk about what they want in bed or what they don’t find enjoyable because ‘sex is for boys and girls get a relationship in exchange’ etc.).

And in much the same way movies have only relatively recently begun being called out for that, it’s also still pretty recently that they’re being called out for having their one queer coded character be a pedophile and a murder or whatever...Like, society as a whole becoming aware of these issues.

But do authors that publish their work with a specific target audience in mind have a responsibility to think about the effect it might have on them? (And I can already hear loud screams of ‘no way, it’s not your fault if your audience isn’t smart enough to understand that this bad thing is bad’, but I actually do believe in a way they do. That doesn’t mean you can’t or shouldn’t write whatever you want, just maybe take a look at HOW you bring your point across. (We do KNOW people are influenced by what propaganda they’re consistantly fed. I mean, you wouldn’t write a pro-drugs childrens book...) )

What if the author isn’t aware of their bias and prejudices? Or their target audience isn’t their actual audience?

And do we, society and media, judge female and male authors differently when it comes to romance and sex in fiction? (The answer is yes btw) But also, where do we draw the line at calling something ‘badly written’ and calling it toxic? Can it be both? As I’ve said before, a lot of people claim that only the physical intimacy scenes of novel!wangxian are bad, because they’re badly written and OOC, some say the book as amazingly written and only the wangxian relationship is bad because the author doesn’t know how to write gay men. In my ‘hot take’ I essentially said that’s not necessarily bad writing so much as it’s simply an (okay, unintentional) toxic relationship. And would this relationship still come across as toxic (or badly written, whichever you want) if we didn’t know the author to be a cishet woman? Or if a gay man had written it? (my personal, eloquent answer for this is: yes, but differently.)

Which was really all just a rambly way to get to my point of: it’s not just fetishizing of gay men, it’s also the homophobia and self-inserting in a safe situation.

You can literally replace WWX in the novel with a female character and it wouldn’t change a thing. The author takes such an effort into building up this power imbalance in every aspect of their life that if WWX were a heroine nothing would change in this (sexist/ancient society) setting.

(And clearly this is something that appeals to people if you look at the amount of female!WWX fics...)

Not even the sex scenes. There are maybe two allusions in all of them combined that WWX might also have a dick but like, you can’t be sure and it sure as hell doesn’t need stimulation.

(and again, that could be written as a kink...but it’s just not.)

CQL is a gay love story. MDZS at it’s core is none of that.

But I also very much agree with your ‘to each their own’, like here I am criticizing and trying to find explanations and whatever, but at the end of the day it doesn’t matter why someone might like (or write) a book like this, I vastly prefer CQL!wangxian but people have their own reasons for not doing so.

The ‘problem’ really only lies in, as you said, people not being able to accept that it’s not a healthy relationship. Or claiming it to be perfect lgbt rep.

And because my brain can’t shut up today:

I also can’t stop thinking that the way some people ‘glorify’ the book as due to their age and ‘inexperience’.

When I was a pretty young kid and got into fanfiction, there was nothing but completely OOC!whump to be found in the first two fandoms I was in. And I loved it. It was YEARS later that I thought I might like to read something with the characters being...in character. What I’m trying to say, in different stages and phases of your life you might enjoy different things, for different reasons...and obviously, in that moment, you won’t think about ‘what appeals to me here/should this appeal to me/etc’.

I don’t mean inexperience as ‘sexual inexperience’ here, though of course that could be part of it, but also like, inexperience with this genre (is this the first book like this you read, or did you just read 50 in a row that all had the same unhealthy vibes?), with lgbt people and issues (do you know any lgbt people or is your only image of them either the cute boy you can’t have and don’t want to see with another girl or grown men in full kink gear in front of children during CSD? and also: do you think ‘i like this’ and that’s the end of it or do you notice how many people idolize this objectively unhealthy relationship and won’t allow critique on it...)

I...just wanted to say thanks really.

I just can’t stop rambling apparently and I know I mostly just repeated what you said or what I already said but in longer... I just really do feel very strongly about novel!wangxian and the perception of them and have actually at times felt very personally...worried/affected, by people’s acceptance and love of them and I just... have to try and make sense of it...

#i'll be honest rambling like this is very therapeutic and I'm glad some of you read the last one and send asks and agreed #and it's why i'll (try to) put this in the tags too...i like discussions but seeing ppl NOT going 'it's true love/perfect rep' love that #mdzs #mdzs meta #mxtx critical #i guess

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lover-of-skellies · 3 years

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idk if we're allowed to make conversation from this but i just wanna add from like, as someone who literally cant be myself because my parents dont "believe" other genders don't exist like... the reason its sensitive is because its like, when you tell someone to their face that, even though they've been tortured in their own mind for years for how much they dont fit into what they've been set into for society, their feelings are invalidated because you dont think it's real... it stings. It's very hard to explain this to people who have always been comfortable with their gender their whole life because it's something you have to feel to know exactly what it means.

The reason people snap isnt because its a matter of differing opinion. It's because telling someone you dont believe outside of the gender binary denies the existence of people who are there and also forces people into places they physically and mentally cannot fit in because their brains are not made that way. The feeling isn't really... "i dont like these attributes, i think more like this," it's literally your brain fighting against you and telling you that somethings not right. I know for me growing up, id have a panic attack when we had "girls vs boys" activities because i didnt know what side to pick and i eventually just refused to participate. I didn't know anything about genders outside of the binary at that point. I thought there were only two options and i was just insane for feeling disgusted when called a she. I had excitement when called a he. Genuine excitement. To the point where people thought i was weird and avoided me in a tiny class of 10 students, you know, when there's limited options. Leaving me pretty much alone.

I attributed words to myself like "tomboy" or "crossdresser" because i had nothing else at the time. But i knew something was wrong my whole life.

Also, i should mention, when i say kid. I mean elementary school. Even in preschool once I shouted "i want to be a boy" and the teacher dragged me aside and screamed at me for saying such a thing and to never say it again. That literally made me suffer in silence for 5 years.

It literally took me until my 20s to feel comfortable with myself for once because i was surrounded by people telling me i was crazy, wrong, and everything i felt was just fake. I'm still hidden away from most people in my real life because I'm absolutely terrified.

It's not really a matter of believing in it or not. It's a matter of whether or not you have sympathy for other's feelings... but the problem is, no one ever explains that, because we've all been so broken and beaten down enough, many people killed or nearly killed, just for being who we are, that it's either fight or flight.

It's not forcing opinions. It's a beg for help.

Or, at least, that's my experience. I'm sure others are different. But i know there's a certain mutual feeling between everyone whose gone through realizing they dont fit the gender they were assigned at birth.

Ahhhh, yeah, I gotcha dude

To be honest, I'm not really sure what to say to add onto/in response to that, but I did read all of it, and I appreciate you wanting to go into a little more detail and explain it to me like you did

Because my gender isn't anything I've really ever been bothered by or thought about too much, I can only somewhat understand what you're saying, but I don't think I'll ever truly be able to completely understand it, to its fullest extent

Regardless of that, I'm more than willing to at least try to grasp it all as best I can. It's not fair that anyone who identifies as a gender other than the one they were biologically born as (or doesn't feel that they really aren't any one gender in particular) has to go through as much as they do. It's not fair that anyone who's attracted to the same gender, multiple genders, or no genders at all need to go through as much as they do, either

I'm someone who believes in expressing love and acceptance toward others, rather than anything negative. I just want everyone to be happy and to get a chance to do the things that bring them the most joy or make them feel the most at peace

#anon #asks #I'm very soft ok #I just think everyone deserves good things and happiness #especially those that have spent a lot of their life suffering in one way or another

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soaringsearingphoenix · 3 years

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I feel SO attacked. the "I'm too young to call myself ace post" was a slap to my face. I say that to myself and I mean it more in a "I'm not mature enough yet" way so I'm 19 and I keep saying that once I'm in a good grad school/met more attractive people who want to date me/have a nice job/finally learn how to do makeup/get over my fear of vulnerability/figure out why porn is interesting to me but I still don't seem to want sex/learn how to do makeup/etc etc Then I'll call myself ace lol

Lmao congrats!! You might be ace. Then again, maybe not! As much as I joke "i should have known!" and "How come nobody told me?" about myself (looking back, it seems so obvious!!) it's not really something you can diagnose based on a set of symptoms. Even if, on paper, you had every trait that someone might attribute with an ace experience, your identity is ultimately about what feels right and what makes you most comfortable! And besides! It's not like there's any one ace experience anyways!

For me, a label has always been partly about conveying information to other people. What do you want the label you choose to say about you? What might someone assume if they are just meeting you? Is that something that matters to you? It doesn't have to be.

When I ID'd as bi/pan, if it came up, I would introduce myself as bi to straight people because it took less explaining, and as pan to queer people because it felt like a more nuanced way of saying "i am pretty informed about recent terms." Could that be considered a little performative? Maybe. But it seemed to put people at ease, and so it was meaningful to me to sort of identify as both depending who I was talking to. But, again, it didn't truly click until I started calling myself ace.

I have some ace friends, and we are all totally different. Personally, I'm just not that interested in looking at bodies. It's kind of why I started to ID this way, but I've since come to better understand that there are no real 'requirements' to being ace. I have ace friends who are artists, and fascinated with human bodies, but either don't want or don't seek to engage with them physically. I have ace friends who don't even want to talk about sex, and those who talk and joke about it all the time.

I don't wear makeup. Some of my ace friends do. There was a while when my mom insisted that shaving my legs was "basic hygeine." She argued that it was unattractive. I argued that I would rather be single than have to do something I hate to make myself attractive (this is one of the 'i should have known' moments), and also that anyone who thought that was a dealbreaker was not worth my time because (which I genuinely think is a philosophy more people should have, ace or not) and also that plenty of people did not define gender roles the same way she did (gender is a whole other topic). Eventually she realized she wasn't gonna wear me down on the issue (and bought me a lot of colorful long socks to cover my legs, which honestly is a win-win for me). Where was i going with this. Ah, my point is no one worth your time actually cares if you wear makeup - that should be for your comfort, too, just like a label - and if you do meet attractive people who want to date you (as i'm sure you will) don't ever settle for anyone who wants you to sacrifice your comfort for theirs.

That isn't to say I don't engage in any of the behaviors of allp culture. I actually love flirting. I love the banter of it, honestly I think it's because I love puns, and innuendo is in the same category of humor. I love the sort of narrative tension you build when you're flirting with someone. I had this jokey flirting relationship with a lot of my high school friends, and it took moving to college and carrying that attitude with me to people who hadn't met me before to realize that sometimes when people flirt back, they're serious, and they have an end goal in mind??? I hadn't even made that connection. Like, genuinely hadn't even occurred to me. Nor had things like "when people gossip about others dating it's because they're probably hooking up." (Though I still don't get why it's such a big topic of conversation.) Honestly I am kind of oblivious. Like, I've heard that that's not an uncommon ace experience but it's also just me not picking up on social cues.

In the end though, you don't have to figure all of it out. Not unless you want to, and not any time soon. Maybe it will take being in a relationship to figure out what you want for yourself. Maybe even the idea of having to navigate such a potentially high-emotions situation sounds horrible. Do what makes you happy. Do what makes you comfortable. Call yourself ace whenever you want to - if you feel like you need permission to call yourself ace, this is it. But you never have to, either. It only has to be as important to you as you want it to be.

#is this ok to post?#if u want me to take it down you can send me another anon and ask me to take it down #long post #ask to tag #if you have specific questions feel free to ask #i dont like to get TOO personal but im cool talking about ace experiences #and pretty much anything is okay to ask (like use good judgement of course)#if i am not comfortable answering thats on me and i will tell you as much #i hope this helps!#thanks for reaching out!!

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caasiturner · 5 years

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Love Is a Four Letter Word.

I must start this off by apologizing. This will most likely be one of the most rambling things I will ever compose. I have been pondering the meaning of this word “Love”, what it means to actually define it, and/or live it out or truly believe it.

Today’s society would say love is a feeling or a physical act. It’s being happy with a person, sex, having intimacy, etc. Others would say it’s not real, it’s simply an influx of chemicals to our brain.

Well. Here’s a fun quote.

“Love is a misunderstanding between two fools”

-Oscar Wilde

Wow. Way to be really hopeful there bud.

Well I want to know what this thing really is, I want to know what emotion causes these countless songs, these beautiful films and shows, and has started many a war.

(Please Pause and play the song 'I Want To Know What Love Is’ by Foreigner now. Done now? Ok good).

The opposite of fear....is love.

To love is to be brave. It means being willing to put your heart and your emotions out on the line. It means you’re willing to be broken, to face danger, to face heart ache and all sorts of negative emotions.

The opposite of fear....is love.

If you truly love something you don’t fear it. I don’t fear potatoes. I wouldn’t say I love them, but I don’t fear them. They taste good and can be made into many different dishes and are awesome with ketchup. Sorry. The Irish is talking.

I do fear relationships though. I fear the inevitable end. The thought of the girl I have been with on top of someone else, throwing away all our memories and chalking them up as a blur from her past, that scares me. I fear the moment when that girl realizes she no longer wants me and that I actually make her extremely unhappy.

I have had three girls tell me they love me. Nearly every time it was an accident. The first, I’m pretty sure I said it first and over text. High school Isaac was not know for his smoothness. The second time was in a college dorm room as I was hanging out with this girl. I later found out she had a boyfriend so that made things a bit awkward. Also btw, she chose him over me. In her words, I was safe option and she wanted to be free of commitment. The last time was in my car last year Halloween. My girlfriend at the time and I had just gotten back to her place and I said something corny and sweet and it slipped right out of her mouth. It took me a moment because I didn’t realize how serious she wanted things, but I quickly said it back as I realized my feelings were the same.

You never forget the last time a person says “I love you” to you. My high school sweetheart said it right before she walked out of my college apartment and out of my life. The second girl says it on a regular basis but it is as a friend way. My last girlfriend said it as I walked her to her car before we broke up via face time two days later. When I close my eyes, I can still picture the scene. What each girl was wearing, what the weather was, the hope I had in my heart that everything would work out. The tremendous love I had for them.

The opposite of fear....is love.

To be honest. I don’t know if I’ve ever truly loved another girl. According to this quote, the opposite of fear is love and I have always feared. If you love you don’t fear. You don’t fear the future, you don’t fear their past no matter how awful it may have been, and you certainly don’t fear the present moment with them. You don’t fear baring your soul to them, you don’t fear communicating to them your hurts and faults no matter how they respond, you don’t fear your relationship failing because you hope in all things. Love is not fearing despite the circumstance.

Maybe I’m the problem. I fear loving and allowing myself to be loved.

I used to joke around with my girlfriends and be like “You don’t love me”. I meant it as a joke, but maybe I was really trying to cover up an insecurity.

Love is sacrifice.

I hear that one all the time. Especially from old people. LoVe iS SaCrFiCe. haha. Sorry. It’s just so over said. But I suppose it’s true.

Love is laying down your desires. If I had my way I’d sleep till 10:30am every day and be up till 2am the next morning. Every girl I’ve ever dated is a morning person and loves breakfast. I was not good at sacrificing my sleeping for them. Sacrifice means travelling. I would drive every weekend to Stevens Point to see my girl. I even did it in the middle of a freaking blizzard, where I couldn’t see a thing and I could only go 15 mph. And we were fighting at the time! I had no reason to sacrifice my safety, except I wanted her in my life. Not patting myself on the back, but at least I did that right.

Love is sacrifice.

It takes alot of time. It takes money that I would rather spend on tattoos or I don’t know. Dune Buggies. Onion Rings. Skateboards.

Love takes a lot of courage.You have to sacrifice and be willing to open up and communicate. You have to be willing to put your soul on the line and let another rip it to shreds should they wish.

You will have to sacrifice your pride and lose a few fights. You may have to compromise on some issues. You may have to stop being stingy. I’m so awful at all three of those things. I love to win. I don’t like being wrong. I don’t like being broke.

Love is sacrifice.

Love is scary, man. I once jumped off a fifteen foot cliff into water and white water rafted just because I thought I loved a girl. That was sacrifice. Sacrifice of my comfort and being willing to put myself out there because it made her happy.

(Note: Both sides should be doing this. Not just the man should be compromising and sacrificing. Sorry you crazy feminists).

Love is meeting another right where they are, accepting them, and helping them move to a higher plane.

It’s not a feeling or an action. Those just make up Love. It’s kinda like a car. Love is the car. The feelings and actions and intimacy and whatever are the tires, the gas, the oil, etc. Love is a struggle. It;s not easy changing oil in the dead of winter. But love keeps going when the feelings are gone and there seems no reason to stay (this excludes abusive relationships). It’s work to put on new tires, but I would rather do that than try and buy a new car. Sure, it’s easy to quit on a relationship, but the loans I took out (aka the emotions and mental investment) are worth the bit of pain I may have to go through. I think most relationships quit because the accessories are gone. You’ve grown discontent, you've tried to change the other, etc. when really you just need to get back to the basics.

sacrificing sucks in the moment. But the future investment is so worth it. Think of sacrificing for your s/o like sacrificing for a doctorate degree. In the moment it blows. You’re steep in debt, you study all the time, you have no social life. But in the end...You make a ton of money and have an awesome job. The short sacrifice equals a long reward.

Love is meeting another right where they are, accepting them, and helping them move to a higher plane.

Helping. Not forcing. Not molding. Not making. Helping. As in working with them. Holding their hand as they take steps forward. Meeting them with all their hurts, all their baggage, all their pain...and accepting them. Not fixing them. Just being there and saying “I accept you for where you are” and having your actions follow that.

Accepting. Accepting the fact they may have made countless mistakes before they met you. Accepting that They may have made questionable decisions, ended up in too many wrong beds, snorted up too many substances. But accepting that as their past. loving them for where they are and then helping them move forward.

I try to make the movement happen in an instant. I am not good at waiting, being patient, slowly building trust and then helping them take steps forward. I'm not good at Accepting when they make mistakes and then restarting the process again.

Obviously, I am no expert in any of the advice I have written as I am still single, but then again “coaches don’t play.”

I already regret typing that.

The Bible says the attributes of Love is, “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.” (1 Cor. 13)

That’s deep. Even if you’re not religious, you gotta admit that’s deep. I’m certainty not those things. In fact, 90% of the time in my relationships I am the complete opposite of those things.

But I don’t want to be that way. I want to love. I don’t want that word to be sour in my mouth, or something I am ashamed to say. I don’t want to fear the implications of saying that word, and be afraid of the rejection. I want to sacrifice and dote on another. I want to learn from my mistakes of trying to fix people and force them into my "model" girl.

Point is, if someone is worth something to you, there will be pain. Life sucks, so thus loving sucks to. But If I can have even half of the happiness in the good relationships I have seen...I’ll be happy.

Love may be a four letter word, but I want to say it.

I want to say it endless times to someone that will say it endlessly back no matter how awful life gets around us.

Till then dear one,

Much Love.

#love #blog #writing #four letter word #art #photography #bible #religion #me #boy #girl #accept

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