#to feel like his life mattered

[viiinz]

everyday I think about him (Ippolit Terentyev)

#idk why of all characters he's the one that has left such an impression on me but oh boy #it's been over a year since I've read his 'explanation' and everything that followed and it hasn't left my mind since #ippolit terentyev #the idiot #god all he wanted was some sympathy and recognition #and they just make fun of him #literally all this boy wants is to be taken seriously and no one does #they either laugh at him or beg him to shut up #because his vulnerability and the fact that he's dying makes them so uncomfortable #and he's so ashamed as well over his own vulnerbility #that even when people aren't laughing at him he'll imagine they are #and people blame him for being self absorbed?? like of course he is!! #he's EIGHTEEN and DYING #this is a teenager who's just come to the realisation that he has no agency over his life whatsoever #and that all that awaits him are the cruel laws of nature #he has a right to be upset about that #he's literally the man condemned to death that myshkin talked about #and yes he's ridiculous and awkward and not always right and incoherent and all that #and he can really be insufferable and contemptuous and unfeeling towards others #and even the state he's in doesn't really serve as an excuse for that #yet i feel bad for him #and he's such a teenager too he's so insecure and just wants to impress the people around him #and yes he's doing it for attention #of course he wants attention #can you blame him?? #all he wants is to be heard #to feel like his life mattered #but instead everyone's just begging him to shut up #like they're just waiting for him to kick the bucket so the uncomfortable ordeal can be over with #sorry i just have a lot of thoughts about Ippolit and I'm being very incoherent because i didn't plan on typing all this lol

[somnimagus]

My page for @sheikahzine; about Impaz's duty to her village, empty of people and full of memories.

[id in alt text]

#legend of zelda #loz #twilight princess #loz tp #i'm still reeling that someone sent me an ask about this one.. that they took the time to find my tumblr and tell me they liked it #it really meant a lot; thank you to anyone that stops to leave comments like that. they make me happy #but yeah! here's the usual symbolism ramble: #i thought it'd be cool to have the 'spirits' flowing one way and the cats walking through them the other way #to kinda show the difference in life inhabiting the village in the past and present #link's face is covered because impaz was just waiting for 'the hero' so his clothes are what matters; not his face #and it (hopefully) gives a surreal and intangible sense to 'the hero' she could only hope would actually show up #you can feel free to interpret the glowy blue sheikah as ghosts or just as memories of the past! i couldn't decide either way #the one on the bottom left is oot impa since she's implied to be the village founder. so i guess she would be a ghost actually? #fan art #my art #project stuff #and ahhh the book-- everyone's stuff is so beautiful!! #especially the writing. some of the fics made me really tear up and some were so fun and clever. i really love them #a lot of them captured the sheer burden of the role of the sheikah; all of the time and grief and doubt #i know i always say this stuff about every project but. the people i get to work with in these are truly so skilled every time

[astrolavas]

thinking about the... potential clawthorne woodcarving mentorship.

+ bonus cuz also thinking abt how if hunter ever met dell's palisman and got reminded of flapjack, he'd probably feel bad abt making that association cuz he knows what it's like to be seen only as someone's different version (even though the bird wouldn't mind much so lol)

#eda having that palistrom seed.. hunter saying he wants to learn how to carve palisman... his relation to clawthornes. it HAS to mean STH js #the owl house #toh #hunter toh #toh hunter #hahaa always thinking abt hunter growing a soft spot for palismen and loving creating and bringing them to life #but never being able to replace flapjack no matter how many palismen for other ppl he carves. I'M GONNA- #:((((( :/// #like he's not going to want to replace flapjack just like that rn. cuz he LOVES that bird. it's gonna be so hard for him to just.. Move On #and flapjack's a PART of him.. so very curious where they'll go with this because..... HM. HM like he serves as his disability aid almost #and he can't just REMAKE him. but he cannot also just.... ignore what happened straight away. but it's also important to heal #but whatever he decides to do i feel like he'd love to just............ create. whether it be for himself or others #BUT GAH. ANYWAY XKJSJSK wrote an essay abt this already don't need to write one in the tags TOO. so uh .. yea #little guy.. pls find happiness #my art #fanart #hunter #hunter noceda #hunter wittebane #eda #eda clawthorne #dell #dell clawthorne #dell's palisman #toh art #edalyn clawthorne #also like...... if flapjack and dell's palisman were caleb's and evelyn's palismen...... and knew each other........ #and while flapjack was waiting for his new person at the bat queen's cave dell's palisman was being passed down clawthorne generations #OUUHGHHHHGHHHH they were probably friends..... they Knew each other #what's up with you you mysterious yellow bird with eyebrows...... what's your story

[waveoftheocean]

"i can see it in his eyes" 🥰

#trigun #trigun stampede #vashwood #vash the stampede #nicholas d wolfwood #wolfwood #vash #my art #mine #deep in my trigun feels rn help #also sad commentary on my life and drawing speed that i'm actually amazed that this took me “only” 3ish weeks to finish #insert shrug emoji #anyways this line has been bouncing around in my head since i heard it #WHAT CAN U SEE IN HIS EYES VASH #HIS EYES THAT ARE COVERED BY DARK SUNGLASSES #honestly idk if this line or ww's “oh so you can smile like that” make me more head in hands #WHO SAYS THINGS LIKE THAT WITHIN LIKE HOURS OF MEETING SOMEONE #no matter which version they r soulmates fr...

[brown-spider]

imo the pointing meme was 1,000x’s funnier in ITSV than in ATSV

#ATSVs version was waaaay overdone #it didnt feel like a loving acknowledgment of the old show and the fandom #it was just #too many references slapped together and none of them landed #‘all units capture spiderman’ will never be as funny as ‘Youre ACCUSING ME of pointing WHEN YOURE THE ONE-‘ and his angry fucking hops 😭😂 #‘im not pointing im pointing at YOUR pointing which is different from normal pointing’ #the cop who for no fucking reason is invested in ‘who pointed first’ as if it matters snslsjss #funniest shit ive seen in my life #itsv #into the spiderverse #atsv #across the spiderverse #miguel o'hara #itsv miguel #atsv miguel #spiderman #peter parker #itsv peter parker #spiderman 1967 #spiderman cartoon #clips/screens #spider speaks

[villainsandvictimsalliance]

A reminder that Spinner canonically compares himself to Dabi and feels inferior to the rest of the League of Villains.

Part of the reason he allowed AFO to manipulate him is because he wanted to be reliable, as in he wanted to be stronger to be of use to Tomura. So again, he's canonically kinda jealous not only of Dabi's quirk, but of him as a person.

#as much as I'd like to joke about how Spinner is sooo gay for Tomura please acknowledge that this is a critical point in Spinner's character #him feeling unworthy or inferior comes from the discrimination he has faced all his life #he doesn't value himself like he should #and since Tomura is the person who has showed him the most that he matters exactly like he is #Spinner ended up sacrificing everything to save the one friend that has offered to destroy the world for him #AFO did all of that deliberately to break Spinner btw #He saw Spinner's loyalty to Tomura and used it against them #AFO can't allow someone who loves Tomura to be whole and safe #he's like a bad kid with a toy #bnha #mha #my hero academia #boku no hero academia #league of villains #lov #mha spoilers #bnha spoilers #spinner #shuichi iguchi #dabi #touya todoroki #toya todoroki

[wilsonsmcgillsweatshirt]

"Deep inside, Wilson believes that if he cares enough, he'll never have to die."

What the fuck were the House writers on

#how am i supposed to live laugh love in these conditions #this quote is attempted murder #i cant live like this #This also puts the scene were Wilson tells House he wishes he was more of an asshole into perspective #“i wish i had been more a selfish jerk” “youd still have cancer” “atleast id feel like i deserved it” #because wilson spent his whole life helping people because some part of him genuinely believed that he would live a very long good life #as long as he was doing good and helping people #but in the end none of it mattered and in his mind he wasted his entire life being overly good when he couldve just lived how he wanted #because in the end it didnt make any difference #brb sobbing #thats why when people act like wilson is the devil for saying that to house i lose 5 years of my life #house md #house #greg house #james wilson #gregory house #hilson #hate crimes md #hatecrimes md #wilson #housemd

[skunkes]

#a doodley #i cant draw his hair shine anymore without thinking abt the ask saying it was so Rooster #so trueeeee my rooster boyyy *sobbing* #also always torn bc i like drawing haggard talon with big ears but i think fed talon wld have bigger ones ykwim #like when kittens have huge ears to grow into #also while im rambling here i wanna restructure his whole history again #vampirism being the result of a curse and negatively affecting him in a way he'll have to carry for the rest of his long immortal life #as well as forgoing feeding to Age and him physically feeling the ails of aging isn't enough... #im trying to conjure up smthng else that wldve happened to him in one of the worst times in his life but thats hard bc i cant explore it to #much bc the subject matter makes me sad LOL and also dont want to seem like those ppl who throw in stuff like that gratuitously

[scintillyyy]

can you really talk about tim's tendency to idolize and place dick on a pedestal and his semi-entitlement to understanding dick without also talking about dick's tendency to project his own feelings and insecurities onto tim and also his semi-entitlement to his right to try and micromanage how tim should feel and react about things. i, personally, cannot.

#dick and tim #anyways trust me when i say that none of this is meant in a negative way because this is what i Like about them lmao #forever thinking of the M/F fight where dick expects that tim will go alone with his line of thinking just because he says so #and is shocked when tim doesn't and instead has his own thoughts and feelings abt the matter #and babs has to tell him that tim isn't him & had a fundamentally different experience to him #it's like hmmm very realistic to me #the way they do this to each other in a way that almost is depersonalizing but like isn't actually #it's more just that they understand each other so well most of the time that it's easy to forget that they're their own person #with their own thoughts and feelings #like hm. there is something very realistically siblings about it in that #older siblings do tend to try and dominate the relationship with their thoughts and feelings because #their first memories are of being expected to lead their sibling and the sibling usually comes at a time when the older sib is v possessive #so the older sibling conceives the younger sibling as belonging to them and being kind of a hm extension of them vs their own person #meanwhile the younger sibling has no knowledge of a life where the older sibling doesn't exist #and the younger sibling's experience is that of observation of the older sibling from basically the very first day of life #so the younger sibling will often see and perceive the older sibling in very interesting ways #they're always learning something with thay observation good or bad #and thus probably develop more instrinsic understanding than even the parents do #and conflict comes because each is their own person but it's hard to see them that way sometimes #anyways there's also another thread where for dick it's hard to conceptualize tim's family of origin as real compared to them #but that's like mainly headcanon just know i'm right and it's interesting

[jicklet]

1.15 || 4.03

Was it after you drank Karen's fake poison for me? Earlier.

#Nancy Drew #Ndcw #nancydrewedit #naceedit #Nace #Nancy x Ace #ace [redacted] #Nancy drew spoilers #V watches Nancy Drew #V posts things #I was wondering why they had Nancy bring up the poison incident bc it feels like that wasn't a realization moment for Ace but for Nancy #(that boy was realizing nothing he was already all in) #But I was rewatching 115 and it hit me that it foreshadows Ace in 403 perfectly #He trusts Nancy to the moon and back #When it was him on the line he downed that vial like a shot no hesitation #And he was ready to risk the curse when it was just his life #But no matter how much he trusts Nancy he just can't see her in danger #Hah remember back even earlier in S1 when she called out the poisoner to come after her and he just had to stand there and watch her do it #No wonder he got so relentless about making sure she had backup for the rest of that escapade #And then elects himself to watch out for her always because well she's not going to do it #(Hm that last thought is giving me Peter and Olivia vibes. I'll think on that)

[prismatic-ink]

what if Lizzie didn't die?

nobody's ever fallen out of the void before, so no participant has ever come back to tell the tale of what that's like. the communicator says she's eliminated, and everyone shrugs and carries on, because for all they know, she is. Maybe there is a ground to hit down there, or some monster that swoops in and kills in a single blow.

but the thing is - there's no end in a void. it just continues forever. and ever. and ever. it's simple physics; a void/vacuum is a blank space, a complete and total absence of anything at all. there's nothing there that could have killed Lizzie because, by definition, nothing is in the void at all. not even time could have gotten her.

now imagine being condemned to a place (or as close to a place as the void can get) where you will never see anything again, hear anything again, falling falling falling, towards a ground that will never appear. a place where you can never look into anyone's eyes ever again. eventually, a green streak in brown hair is the only memory you have of another human existing that hasn't been lost to the millennia you've spent falling. this place where you will be the only thing that exists, the only thing that will exist, and the only thing that has ever existed, slipping through the cracks of time, eternally in solitude.

wouldn't that be a fitting place for a woman who spent all her time on solid ground alone, with almost nobody to care for her? falling so far out of the bounds of reality even the watchers don't know she's still alive? so beyond the reach of anybody that nobody will ever hear her calls for them to come to her, let alone heed them? and let's be honest, if they could hear her, would they even come?

and who knows, maybe when the next season rolls around, for some strange, inexplicable reason, the watchers can't find Lizzie. It's no trouble, they can construct a new Lizzie from her memory, even if it's one season behind. and maybe this time, Lizzie has better luck and lots of friends. she doesn't really get why Scar is so apologetic, or Joel so clingy, or even why she constantly feels like she's teetering on the edge of a precipice, about to fall. but that's just her being silly, right?

all the while the original Lizzie falls forever. forgotten again.

#and this is why the canary curse still exists AYYY #but i wanted the post to be about Lizzie because people should be talking about how she's the most tragic life series character ever #and i will die on this hill #but also imagine Joel reunited with his wife ESPECIALLY if he wins #and him being like “hey i avenged you!” #but even if he feels that something is off he won't ever know that the original Lizzie is still falling and always will be #wait i just realized this technically means that she would win Secret Life no matter what LMFAO i love terrible HCs you think up at 3 am #secret life #trafficblr #ldshadowlady #smallishbeans #tagging him even though he's a small mention #felt like it counted #my post

[shepscapades]

Hey! i’m really into the dbch story and i was wondering if doc and xisuma ever tell bdubs the specifics of why etho lost his memories, cause if they do that is prime self blaming angst for bdubs

I’m inclined to believe they don’t. Actually (and maybe I should do a small comic for this so more people see it) I imagine, once a month or a few pass and they finally return etho to bdubs as reset, I imagine they are VERY serious about warning bdubs not to try to force Etho to re-deviate— they don’t go into specifics, but they probably tell bdubs that whatever happened had to do with something that was emotionally overwhelming, and that forcing him to redeviate/not letting it happen naturally could trigger the same error. They have no idea what could happen so bdubs needs to be very careful and let Etho find himself again on his own.

Whether or not bdubs gets impatient or can only go so long before he doubts it would be that bad if he tried pushing Etho in the right direction is another story.

But yeah. I don’t think Xisuma or Doc really… tell anyone that this happened. Etho’s error seemed like a very specific one-off scenario, so it’s not something the other hermits should be trying to avoid or be careful about happening to their own android friends, and the only thing telling people would do is make them worried about the situation. All they need to know is that etho was broken and that they need to be careful with him. I don’t agree with their decision to keep what happened to themselves but I understand it I think. Xisuma “i don’t want to worry the hermits” Void and Docm “eh this isn’t the first time I’ve replaced this arm, people won’t question it” 77

#that’s a lie actually I think xisuma ends up telling Cleo :> #but only because Cleo is very smart and I think they should be close in this au :] #but no she would clock Tired Overworked Existential Crisis Xisuma in an instant #Cleo calls them both idiots and gives them big hugs and tells them they need therapy. also that they’re welcome by her place anytime to talk #it’s very sweet and healing to me #this is where “all things end’’ on Xisuma’s playlist comes in actually #oh my god I got so off topic #BDUBS IS GOING TO FEEL GUILTY NO MATTER WHAT THOUGH #like okay. technically #the reason etho shut down is because he was freaking out that everything was his fault #(last life—not giving bdubs a heart— trying to win for bdubs and then losing— coming back to s8 feeling like he can’t face bdubs—> #ending up leaving him alone when the moon hit #and bdubs was hurt by these things. no doubt #but bdubs just wants his friend back and maybe he’s a little reckless about it #bdubs hides his emotions behind cartoonish frustration and complaining but he feels bad #he feels like he should be doing more to ‘save’ etho and bring him back even though he was to #told* he shouldn’t #dbhc ask #dbhc #dbhc bdubs #dbhc etho #dbhc doc #dbhc xisuma #ask #anon

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

here have a Lights Out meme(?) before i go to bed <3 Wally is showing off a neat party trick to his newfriend <3

og:

#this has been in my mind for several days and im finally tired enough to execute it #this is... technically noncanon to the au i suppose... #wally Wouldn't touch fire again he learned his lesson #but also. at this point in the 'story' (said nebulously) Does He Really Care #wally: hey frank check this shit out *lights himself on fire* #frank - softly but with feeling: what the fuck... #home: *tired creak* #wallys had his Nothing In Life Matters (depressed) phase #now its time for Nothing In Life Matters (manic) phase #wh lights out au #scribble salad #theyre having so much fun i prommy (lying) #i really need to portray more of the au than just the Frank And Wally Alone In The Studio portion #even if it is the most fun. To Me. #they're entertaining... i feel like im playing with dolls...

[an-oddlyfluffycarpet]

Watched the true Potential episodes again.

#lego ninjago #ninjago #kai smith #kai jiang #ninjago kai #Man #kai was NOT doin' well mentally huh. #like- heres the guy who kidnapped your sister and kinda ruined your life by forcing you to leave your home to save her #hes your roommate now #youre not allowed to be mad at him or anything hes just here #dont be suspicious of him bc hes holding all four golden weapons nooooo #dont try to fight him to prove your worth because all the others unlocked their true potential and you feel like shit #yeah no just listen go sensei wu and trust the guy completly his SON is in there ik he like kidnapped ur sister and hasnt shown any sign- #of caring for family but like. trust me. he does. #oh yeah your gonna have to hold ALL your anger at the dude in no matter what unless you eanna get ostrasized and yelled at. #caspy speaks

[lgbtlunaverse]

I'm a little bit insane about how in novel canon the whole xiyao ending where Jin Guangyao wants to die with Xichen, who accepts, which then makes jgy change his mind and pushes him away at the last second isn't actually explicit. A lot of adaptations chose to make it so but in the novel this is all VERY up for interpretation.

Here's what actually happens in the text: Lan xichen stabs jgy, jgy moves away from lan xichen, xichen follows him, wwx realizes jgy is about to open the coffin and calls "watch out!" to lan xichen. Jgy unseals nmj, pushes xichen away, nmj kills jgy and they are both dragged into the coffin which is sealed again.

Here's what wei wuxian, our narrator, thinks is happening: Jin Guangyao wanted to lead lan xichen to his death out of revenge for stabbing him. Lan Xichen, unaware, simply followed Jin Guangyao to try and stop him from getting away. Wei wuxian's warning came too late, but Jin Guangyao- for an unknown reason- changed his mind at the last second and pushed lan xichen out of danger before lan xichen had any idea of what was going on.

Here's what most fans as well as the teams behind several adpatations think is happening: Jin Guangyao leads Xichen to nmj's coffin to die with him, Xichen accepts, because of this acceptance, proof xichen still cares for him, Jin Guangyao pushes him out of harm's way. Wei Wuxian just doesn't get that gay people who aren't him or Lan Wangji exist.

Here's what ALSO MIGHT BE HAPPENING: Jin guangyao wants to die in a different way than he is currently dying. Maybe he's afraid of what'll happen to his body after his death like he was scared for his mother's, maybe he wants to confront nmj one last time now that there's nothing more for him to lose, maybe - if he can't take her body with him- he'd at least like his final resting place to be where he buried his mother. Lan Xichen thinks he's trying to get away and follows but Jin Guangyao, who despite everything doesn't want him to die, pushes him away. Xichen doesn't know what happened until it's already happened. What he would've wanted if he had known remains up in the air.

Or, alternatively: Jin Guangyao's reasons are as above, but unbeknowst to Wei Wuxian, Xichen DOES know what jgy is about to do and either misinterprets this as an invitation to all die together, or inidividually decides he, too, is done, and wants to join his sworn brothers in the grave. To Jin Guangyao this has nothing to do with Lan Xichen, and he still doesn't want him to die, so he pushes him away against Lan Xichen's wishes.

Every single one of these interpretations is unhinged and they are all supported by the original text. It's like a choose your own adventure of tragic gay endings.

#mdzs #mdzs meta #meng yao #jin guangyao #lan xichen #nie mingjue #3zun #xiyao #rs: i wish it could've been you #honestly which is worse for xichen. Being denied his wish explicitly or only realizing he wanted it after it'd already been denied for him #OR genuinely not wanting to die but being forced to live with the fact that even after he essentially killed him jgy still saved his life #just another way he's in his debt #like no matter what he's not coming out of here okay #i switch between a bunch of these all the time but actually favor the last 2 because they're very underexplored in my opinion #I like it when 'i never even thought about hurting you' remains true to the bitter end. He never even considered it #also I just... have a lot of feelings about that being his mom's coffin #do you remember that in the novel the coffin was so heavy only sect leaders could bear the weight? #so for the burial a group of sect leaders had to be the pallbearers... the SYMBOLISM GUYS!! THE SYMBOLISM! #jgy dies in infamy but despite everything it's the highest of cultivation society who carry the coffin he's buried in #he's in the same coffin as a great sect leader!! As nmj!! After a whole life fighting an uphill battle finally in death they are equal #it's not justice and it's not fair but it's... something #wwx's interpretation is the one i favour the least. sorry bro you remain an unreliable narrator to me. #it feels rather uncharitable towards jgy which makes sense for wwx's pov but makes it not my favorite #there's an alternative version of that intepretation where jgy THINKS he's doing the coffin trio pact and thinks xichen accepts. #and has the same realization of oh no he still cares I don't want him to die and pushes lxc away #meanwhile lan xichen hasn't actually processed any of this because it all happened in about 0.4 seconds #i like that one slightly more but it's still not my favorite #there's tragedy in the misunderstanding but it's a bit convoluted.

[coquelicoq]

when you're the only person who keeps living through the time loop, the people around you cease to be people and become mere characters. your treatment of them doesn't matter because they're not real and they won't remember. the only way to give anything meaning is to end the loop; their actions don't affect the loop and therefore are meaningless. you're the only one who has the ability to change the future, so anything you do in service of that goal is justified.

but. kim dojka looks at yoo joonghyuk and says no, actually, these characters are people. whether they remember or not is beside the point because they are real right now. and you don't give your life meaning by achieving some accomplishment that retroactively makes everything that came before worth it - you give your life meaning in the living of it.

#'meaning' isn't a reward you get for clearing a scenario...it's something you actively create every day as you make a life #kim dokja: it's WORTH IT! i know it's worth it because we are making it worth it!!!!! #ohhhhh waoaohhohh getting a transmission to my brain...suddenly feeling the urge to rewatch palm springs (2020) #time loop fiction is sooo fucking potent like ok you can read about this person who alone out of everyone has agency #thereby alienating them from all their fellow creatures...but watch out #orv #time travel #agency #existentialism #kdj #yjh #omniscient reader's viewpoint #my posts #f #also the fact that it's kim dokja - the 'reader' - who's creating meaning...sorry excuse me. there is something in my eye. #and this is coming from the guy who is very much committed to reaching the end of the scenarios! that is very much his goal #and what he's working toward. but the meantime is not something to get through. it's life and he's choosing to live it #he's like maybe this is fiction maybe we're all characters but it doesn't matter because the story is real to the people living it #his whole thing is that he refuses the idea that the story is unchangeable. he refuses the lack of agency #he's like well i will just make my own story. i will make my own meaning #and if there's some author out there that i'm the character of well good luck keeping up with me. mwah