#through all of this though | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

potato-on-your-head · 2 years

Text

I was rambling in the tags about this and reached the 30 tag limit so apparently this demands to be its own post. this is not going to be eloquent whatsoever and will read like tags

Mathman and I are officially done. he FINALLY told me he’s dating someone so i Friendship Broke Up with him a couple days ago. and it sounded like he hoped he’d see me in person this week at our workplace’s giant back-to-work thing??? so I’m not sure if that means he wants to talk or just a chance to say goodbye or what. my guess is just a chance to chat and say bye. and then that’s it for me. I video called him (he lives 40 min away from me) and told him I’m ending our phone communication - maybe not forever but for the foreseeable future. and he was like, ‘well. that sucks’ which I thought was the perfect response - like!!! yeah it does suck!!! I wish I could stay your friend because I care about you but unfortunately I care too much!!! and I can’t make myself Not like you because feelings are dumb!!!

but anyway he strung me along all summer saying ‘yeah we can get together in August and hang out!’ which we usually do at his house, have drinks and sit out on the porch, play guitar together, him playing me singing, the whole deal. some of my favorite memories in recent years have been made on those nights. and then we’d talk late into the night and he’s so fucking smart and funny and driven and attractive and UGH. but I kept following up about it after I finished my grad classes end of July and he kept giving me these wishy-washy answers when I asked. ‘maybe the 17th or 18th’ ‘thursday possibly’ so FINALLY the literal DAY he kept saying ‘maybe’ we could hang out I was like. yo dude. I’m guessing we’re out of time to hang out this summer????? and then he was like oh sorry I thought I responded to your last text I’m dating someone and it’s probably not a good idea for us to hang out anymore....

LIKE!!!! DUDE!!!! jerk move! you don’t get my friendship anymore if that’s how you’re going to treat me! if you can’t have the hard conversations with me and you keep me hoping THIS LONG then this has to end. I was literally looking forward to this ALL SUMMER. like, this man is good at many things but being vulnerable is not one of them. my guess is he was putting off discussing it with the person he’s dating, thus kept giving me wishy-washy answers, and then FINALLY at the last minute asked if she (I’m assuming they’re a she) was okay with it and obviously the answer was no. so then he FINALLY talked to me about it. or my persistence finally just made him tell the truth

GOD I’m just so pissed. and sad and grateful and hurt and glad I got the time I did. it sounds dumb but he changed me as a person. when we first started hanging out three years ago, I realized how many of my interests depression had stolen from me and had a bit of a freakout (he kept showing me all this music he was into and he was so passionate about things and all his hobbies and I was like. OH FUCK. I AM A BLANK SLATE. I HAVEN’T LISTENED TO NEW MUSIC IN 5 YEARS. I HAVE LOST SO MUCH) and through seeing what he was passionate about, and his life goals and his house projects and such, I started rediscovering my interests and finding new music and moving forward again in so many ways. I don’t think that would’ve happened nearly to the same extent if I hadn’t known him.

3 years ago on one of those hangouts I brought my ukulele to his house and borrowed my sister’s and taught him the basics, and he was better than me in like 15 minutes. he always said he wasn’t musical and he WAS. he learned a bunch of more complicated things on uke using youtube tutorials and then showed me the next time I came over, and I was like, holy shit I never even thought about doing that. then he got a guitar and started learning that, and from there our music hangouts grew. I was inspired by him learning and got a guitar of my own. I wouldn’t have had the bravery to finally start learning guitar for real, and I wouldn’t have known about certain music artists if not for him, and I wouldn’t have had this radical shifting of my musical identity away from classical and into the pop and rock realm if not for him. he! has changed!! my life!!!!! and I WISH I could be just friends but I can’t. I’ve had feelings for him since the 2nd day I knew him, four years ago, when he worked at my building and I was just starting this job, and I can’t get rid of them. and he doesn’t feel the same, and this is the logical end of that whole arc.

so yeah. I’m really sad, and also proud, because *I* was the one who womanned up and had the conversation and I only anxiety puked once before I did so that’s a win in my book.

who can say if I’ve been changed for the better, but because I knew you, I have been changed for good, blah blah blah etc.

goodbye, my one-sided love. I’m done chasing you. I’m letting go.

#god you'd think this was some high school romance the way I wrote about it #but love is dumb like that #for reference I'm 28 and he's 30 and you'd think the communication skills would've evolved by now but GUESS NOT lmao #through all of this though #I have learned what I need the other person to say #and I have learned what I can say #and what kinds of conversations I need to have #and that I am CAPABLE of having the hard conversations and that will make my next relationships much stronger #thank you for everything #goodbye my one-sided love #I'm done chasing you #potato in love #potato not in love #potato rambles

2 notes · View notes

manyrepulsivethoughts · 20 days

Text

that one post comparing ruin's and LN2 endings altered my brain chemistry so now have this

2K notes · View notes

cemeterything · 1 year

Text

#🐉#this is what i love about being involved in community spaces for fiction though tbh #everyone has different personalized interpretations of the source material and some of them align with my own or make me go 'oh huh i never #thought of that but yeah i can see it' while some of them just dont compute at all and make me wonder if we saw the same thing #which of course. we didnt. or rather we saw the same objective source material but we *saw* it completely differently through the lens of #our own experiences and worldview.#its so cool #however i will sometimes be a hypocritical little hater about it

10K notes · View notes

foe-paw · 4 months

Text

YOU THOUGHT THAT YOU COULD OUTSMART THE VERY THING THAT RUNS THE BLOOD OF YOUR KIND?

#starkid #black friday #team starkid #hatchetfield #uncle wiley #wilbur cross #foe art #my brain disease re. this weasel guy in full denim continues #in Mine own headcanon he was very similar to john mcnamara when he entered the portal - a strongly moral person and a patriot #but wiggly manages to establish that the only way for wilbur to get what he wants (to help his country even though it is sick and militaris #and poisoned with consumerism and the chase for money above all else-#(wilbur cross is an anticapitalist is what i'm saying)#anyways yeah. wiggly sells despair and wrath and convinces him that the Only Way to save the world is through wiggly's ways!#no hope otherwise!#so....... why not become a comically evil double-crossing full-denim satan archetype!#also fun fact it took me two whole watches of black friday before realizing wiley wasn't meant to be literally satan #he's only figuratively satan!#the anticapitalist activist we deserve :]

2K notes · View notes

pumpumpuli · 4 months

Text

Here are all the frames for the STP Lost Kitten video! Some are better than others. Wraith's BG is literally from the game because I am not able to draw such lines on the tablet.

This was a fun project. Dunno if I'll do anything like this again though.

#Thank you to Tobi and Niko for helping me through the artist's block #The Nightmare turned out the best #Poor Witch bit the bullet and got the ugliest bg #slay the princess #stp #stp fanart #animatic frames #am i supposed to list all the princesses?#it's a lot of them #not everyone though

2K notes · View notes

originalartblog · 10 months

Text