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#this world is sad and broken gotta fix a crack or two
astrangerlately · 9 months
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prettyblondguys · 9 months
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guys wake up new Mountain Goats song just dropped
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probablygayattorneys · 3 months
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the world is sad and broken
gotta fix a crack or two
(clean slate, the mountain goats)
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radiofreederry · 9 months
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The Mountain Goats - Clean Slate
Leave home feeling empty, change planes in Taipei Stay awake the whole timе, end up several worlds away Thе house was almost full that day, they made a space for you This world is sad and broken, gotta fix a crack or two
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txttletale · 5 months
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zap, spotify ask meme #3 song
oh fuck the zany zapper got me..
This world is sad and broken, gotta fix a crack or two.
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puckrph · 6 months
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JENNY FROM THEBES SENTENCE STARTERS
taken from the 2023 album by the mountain goats
"remember at your peril."
"forget the ones you can."
"i left home feeling empty."
"they made a space for you."
"this world is sad and broken, gotta fix a crack or two."
"rest until you're rested."
"just when you think you've learned how to forget, you learn it's just the ones who haven't risen to the surface yet."
"this will be the last time i do this, i'm pretty sure."
"no one lasts for long in this profession, so they say."
"maybe i'll see you again someday."
"you can make out all the exits from a static position."
"i'm never gonna break my neck falling down stairs."
"you can light a cigarette against the cooktop if you need to."
"you're never gonna get by on three hours' sleep a night."
"you're never gonna get by on three hours' sleep a night, unless you absolutely have to. then you'll get by alright."
"you're gonna get a wrinkle on your forehead."
"you're gonna make a bargain with the bad guys."
"you're gonna make some choices you regret."
"there's no place to hide from the prophecy."
"there's only one way out."
"there's only one way out, no matter what you do."
"watch for the signs."
"you're gonna have to steal what you need."
"they're never gonna let you forget."
"but if all that's true, what about you?"
"i think i'm gonna take you in."
"i've always had to follow my instincts."
"usually, i'm out on my own."
"what happens if i take you home?"
"i'm headed for a season in exile, as the oracle predicted."
"according to reliable sources, in thirty days i'm getting evicted."
"i've seen ones like you before."
"i gave you an answer that i thought you'd buy."
"all of this will disappear in the twinkling of an eye."
"i can hear the timer ticking in my chest."
"what are you gonna do?"
"it's better if you have a plan."
"i saw the future in an oil slick, it told me what i need to know: leave a little stain behind you everywhere you go."
"i'm only slightly diminished, older but wiser."
"when you've got a big job to do, you notice how the moments drag."
"live in the present."
"relish the time before you have to leave it behind."
"i'm smarter but scared, now."
"wearing an exile's mark: one that's gonna glow in the dark."
"take all your worry and care, feed it to the big machine."
"once you commit to the turn, you're gonna have to follow through."
"it's the only thing you can do."
"what's become of us?"
"when the vision comes, i have no resistance."
"i used to get so scared."
"it wasn't in your nature, taking in strays."
"i clung to you for days."
"i'm strong now. that was all years back."
"it's somewhere in a wreckyard now. never see it again on this earth."
"let the scavengers proclaim how much it was worth."
"i figure something's gotta happen sometime."
"i wait all day for you."
"i can smell the threat of rain in the air."
"i can only try to understand."
"a small amount of pressure in the right place breaks the strongest link in the chain."
"i'm trying not to buckle under the strain."
"i'll take anything that the others won't."
"i can see the value where others don't."
"i'm striking a bargain with the imp in my brain."
"you're prepared to take another knock for the short game, but you can ask any veteran running back: eventually your joints complain."
"everyone deserves a little light in their hair."
"everybody needs to love and be loved."
"anything to help with the pain."
"you have to be headed somewhere."
"somebody comes bearing the standard just when you need to see it held high."
"i feel something bigger than me."
"a body floating in a water tower only has one way to go."
"never thought we'd see the day when you wiggled free, but you did long before we did."
"i didn't guess we'd ever come to dread that engine's roar."
"nobody will ever know for certain the names of all the secrets i've held back behind the curtain."
"aging motorcycles purr like cats when they draw near."
"i could barely make the frame out through my tears."
"nobody's ever gonna pour plaster in my tracks. my exit will be clean when i vanish from the scene."
"you won't find any thumbprints to dust your powder into."
"depends on the way the wind blows."
"kiss the people you hold dear and forget that i was ever here."
"if word should reach you from the field, be cool."
"make them beat it out of you if they want it."
"if they steer me wrong, i'm just gonna play along."
"let me go to no haven anyone would yearn for."
"let me go free."
"on the morning when i stop looking back, i'll be up to see the sunrise."
"may you emerge free and clear."
"may you do some good where you go."
"i'll carry what i need to carry and bury what i have to bury."
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screamingay · 24 days
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goats game: cotton, damn these vampires, autoclave, clean slate, love love love, get lonely !
cotton (huge song for very specific kinds of people)
this song is for the soil that's toxic clear down to the bedrock, where no thing of consequence can grow / drop your seeds there, let them go
damn these vampires (personally i'll never get tired of hearing john describe his time & experiences as an addict)
feast like pagans, never get enough / sleep like dead men, wake up like dead men / and when the sun comes, try not to hate the light / someday we'll try to walk upright
clean slate (not my favorite off jenny but i love the expansion of the color in your cheeks story and the music reminds me of the bluey theme song)
the house was almost full that day, they made a space for you / this world is sad and broken, gotta fix a crack or two
love love love (the cobain verse is amazing too but i love the lines that sound sincere at first until you think about them in context)
love is going to lead you by the hand into a white and soundless place / now we see things as in a mirror dimly / then we shall see each other face to face
get lonely (my favorite part of this song is actually the instrumentation it's so beautiful)
and i will find a crowd and blend in for a minute / and i will try to find a little comfort in it
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voltas-do-mar · 1 month
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the house was almost full that day they made a space for you this world is sad and broken gotta fix a crack or two…
"no one lasts for long in this profession" so they say maybe i'll see you again someday?
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movietonight · 3 months
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🎧 !
"this world is sad and broken, gotta fix a crack or two" - Clean Slate, The Mountain Goats
Thank you!
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february '24
i guess by now the flowers in your garden know me
they tell me your eyes are the same color as they always were, that kind of information just floors me
one summer day in your summer clothes, the day you saw several ghosts
by the time you recieve this, we'll be gone
you say this place must get dull sometimes but that's not the way i see it, 'cause I've got a radio
sketching pictures all day long of stranger things than these
you hear the time's near, but you don't do anything
swing low, sweet jewel-encrusted chariot, make me young again make me well
i waited on the steps for you, and i hid in the bushes whenever a car pulled into the parking lot
only share my research with sick lab rats like me, trapped behind the beakers and the erlenmeyer flasks
i know you're changing, damn you
for whose entertainment shall we sing our agony
the wild dogs in the mountains to the north of us come down
from the ocean south of here to the northern hemisphere, they gave me everything
i'd forgotten my name i felt kind of ashamed and felt myself burn in the morning
point to the spot where our ship disappeared we're not coming home anymore
birds in the frosty air what are they doing there?
staring up up at the hundred-watt light that burns above name one thing about us two anyone could love
this world is sad and broken, gotta fix a crack or two
i don't know how the metal gets rusty when it never rains here
there was a captain many years at sea living the life of the sailor, rugged and free, nothing but the sky to sing him to sleep at night
my garden will grow so high that i will be completely hidden
ghosts of my childhood, stay with me, if you will
when you know you'll never make it out alive you kind of get to live out your dream
we cleared a space for him to sleep in, and we let the silence that's our trademark make its presence felt
face in the leaves song in my throat fall through the air hoping to float
well go on and leave me i don't care any more
the sun up above us is trying to kill himself we were watching the skies again
guy in a skeleton costume comes up to the guy in the superman suit runs through him with a broadsword i flip the television off
we sleep light in the shadow of the cloverleaf
the ghosts that haunt your building have been learning how to breathe
one of these paths leading up the nameless mountain was the one that told you something once
but when the key broke off in the deadbolt lock said that you couldn't take it anymore, that was the second time you said that in one day
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shkspr · 6 months
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In no particular order:
Love Love Love Woke Up New Clean State Damn These Vampires Fresh Tattoo
love love love: “now we see things, as in a mirror, dimly / then we shall see each other face to face”
woke up new: “and i wandered through the house like a little boy lost at the mall / and an astronaut couldve seen the hunger in my eyes from space” (the whole song is a gut punch but i physically cannot sing these lines aloud without choking up)
clean slate: “the house was almost full that day, they made a space for you / this world is sad and broken, gotta fix a crack or two” (FUCK!!!!)
damn these vampires: “feast like pagans, never get enough / sleep like dead men, wake up like dead men”
fresh tattoo: “always had to follow my instincts / usually im out on my own”
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mizunetzu · 3 years
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Tags~: @scifiji @shiny-bun @luv-hqs @gummiebearsmp4 @aquariusmurderer @inarizza @roadkillarr (finally I made the part two AHAHAH)
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Kita x reader - warm, warm professions (God I love you so much) (cold cold obvs. Part 2)
Warnings - ahaha angst, crying Kita
Pronouns - male, he/him
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you can find part one here!
——————
“Shicchan, your hands are so cold...”
(Y/n) cupped both of Kita’s numb hands in his own. Kita tensed, looking down at both of their hands. He felt his own hands being attacked with (Y/n’s) warm ones, his cold, cold hands already thawing just at the one touch.
“Isn’t it hard to toss the ball when you’re hands are numb? That’s bad!” (Y/n) brought Kita’s hands to cup his face, his hands stinging from how warm his cheeks were.
(Y/n) nuzzled his face into Kita’s left hand. He practically murmured into his palm. “How’d they get so cold in the first place?”
Kita wouldn’t show it, in fact he didn’t think he could if he tried, but the warmth that spread across his chest made him suddenly want to run laps. He settled for slightly gripping and rubbing (Y/n’s) cheeks with his thumbs. “I don’t know.” Was all Kita could muster. He was too lost in (Y/n’s) captivating eyes.
God, he loved him so much.
——
Numb.
Numb was the way Kita would describe the feeling in his mouth.
He sat quietly on a foldable chair in the gym, twirling his fingers together instead of watching the practice match going on. He didn’t think he could pay attention if he tried, when he used to be able to have his eyes glued onto the ball even though he was on the sidelines. His fingers felt kind of numb.
He wrapped his fingers up in his shirt to no avail. All it did was make his stomach cold from his fingers bitter touch. It wasn’t even that cold outside. It was a rather nice day in terms of weather. But it didn’t feel like that at all.
“-ita. Kita!”
Kita raised his head. Atsumu loomed above him with his arms crossed.
“...Did you need something, Atsumu-san?”
“Yeah. Why’re ya actin’ all depressed? You’re makin’ everyone feel depressed too, y’know.”
“Atsumu! Shut the fuck up!” Kita heard someone whisper-yell, as well as a grunt of pain from Atsumu. Kita blinked.
“Nothing...much.”
“Nothin’ much?! How bout’ when you started cryin’ yer ass off during practice a week ago? Didn’t seem like nothin’ to me!”
Osamu slapped Atsumu upside the head. Aran sighed.
“I gotta agree with Atsumu-san on this. You don’t look too good these days. Especially since (L/n)-san stopped showin’ up to practice.”
There was hums and nods of agreement. Kita pursed his lips.
“Did...did something happen between y’all?”
Kita couldn’t look Aran in the eyes. He, also, used to have no problem speaking his mind (in fact sometimes it came out automatically) but right now his mouth was glued shut. Now, and probably forever. He didn’t wanna say it. He didn’t wanna think it. He didn’t wanna hear it-
“Kita and (L/n) broke up a week ago.”
Suna pitched in monotonously. Kita flinched subtly. The gym was silent. All eyes were on Kita. His throbbing, cold hands didn’t help, as he tried warming them up discreetly by stuffing them under the backside of his shirt.
“Oh...uh, sorry.”
“Sorry.”
“Don’t mind.”
The awkward, sympathetic pats on the back didn’t really help either, but he replied with a curt “s’fine.” nonetheless.
——
(Y/n) kissed the back of Kita’s hand.
“Looks like your hands warmin’ up...” He drew it away from his lips and examined it with half lidded eyes and a reserved smile. Kita watched as tiny specs of sun fluttered around (Y/n’s) warm face, painting his face and hair with light that made him look like an angel sent from heaven.
Kita mindlessly brought his free hand up to the side of (Y/n’s) face, touching and stroking his cheek with the grace of a feather. (Y/n) looked up from his hand, up at Kita’s face.
(Y/n) leaned into his touch. He used his other hand to cup the hand resting peacefully on his cheek, nuzzling his nose further into Kita’s palm.
“Something wrong?”
“No...”
Kita felt a throbbing, hazy feeling in his chest. Like something inside his ribcage was trying to break free, and explode into a million pieces.
“Then, do you just like holding my face?” (Y/n) smiled that smile that made him go weak in the knees. “That’s good...I like it when you hold my face too.”
God, he loved him so much.
——
Kita slumped down, doubled over himself panting and heaving on the sidewalk where Inarizaki was collectively jogging. Ginjima stopped in front of Kita, jogging in place.
“You’re usually in the very front of the pack when we all run.” He said in between huffs.
Kita said nothing, only panting and crouching down to catch his breath.
“You run in the very back of the group now.”
He was met with no response again. Ginjima stopped running in place, and stared down pitifully at Kita’s hunched over body.
“S’everything alright back there?!” Aran called out from a distance. Ginjima yelled out a “Everything’s fine!” While waving his arms around in the air until Aran waved back. Ginjima looked back at Kitas scrunched up form.
“Y’know-maybe you should just...go home for the day. Take a break.”
Kita looked up at him with dry, tired eyes. His throat refused to put out any other sounds than exhales the occasional cough.
“Go freshen up and go home. You won’t die missing a day of practice.” Ginjima crouched down to Kita’s face, his voice noticeably softer and careful. “It’s not like you to push yourself when you know you’re not doing well.”
“I’m not sick, it’s not the same thing-“
“But you’re heartbroken.”
Heartbroken. Kita supposed that was the word to describe his situation right now. Heartbroken, yet it didn’t feel like the correct word to describe how he felt. He felt like he was dying. Drowning. Freezing.
“I’ll walk you back, ‘kay?” Ginjima pushed off his feet, extending a hand over to Kita. He pulled him up, and Kita swayed in the air like a bobblehead. “Go change and go home. We’ll see you tomorrow, don’t worry. I’ll tell the others you went home.”
Ginjima and Kita walked in the opposite direction they were running. Kita downcast his face.
“M’kay.”
——
“Do you love me?”
Kita remembered the way (Y/n’s) face didn’t radiate the warm glow it usually did when he was around him. His eyes looked strained, infuriated even, and he looked like he wanted to say something more. But it was a simple question, ‘do you love me?’. And of course he did. So that’s what he said.
“...Of course I-“
“”of course I do.” That’s what you always say..! Say something else, dammit! Say you love me!”
(Y/n) abruptly rose from his seat, stepping over the bench and grabbing Kita by the collar. He pulled him closer to his face, shaking him by the shirt with knuckles that almost turned white.
“M-Make me believe that you love me!”
He really wish he didn’t remember how much tears flowed freely from (Y/n’s) eyes, and how he was biting and gnawing at his lip to keep from screaming, or the way he shook with despair in general. It played over and over again, the same sorrow-riddled expression that made Kita’s stomach drop.
He really wish he didn’t remember. But he wished he’d said something, anything, even more.
(Y/n’s) face went from angry and sad, to numb and cold in a matter of seconds. He’d much rather prefer the heated look of (Y/n’s) angry face, than the stone cold lifeless look (Y/n) held when he let go of his shirt. Because even with his angry sobs and screams, there was still a hint of warmth. Even if it was angry passion, it was still better than the cold, dead stare he held that Kita couldn’t meet.
“...I think we should break up.”
Kita’s world went silent. He was struck with an immediate shock of dread, panic, stress, and everything in between. He had so many questions. Why? Didn’t he know that he loved him? He loved him so, so much, so why was he saying that he didn’t? Was his love not enough? Didn’t he know how much he needed him?
He had so many questions, yet his face made of cold stone could only say one thing.
“Why?”
(Y/n’s) iron clad grip on Kita’s shirt loosened, he stepped back, face feeling raw after crying. “I don’t want to be with someone who can’t tell me they love me. Once you can tell me you love me, and mean it, I’m all ears.”
Kita watched as (Y/n) turned his back on him for the first and last time. More thoughts raced in his head. He could change. He could do better. He’d love him a thousand times more, fix every little imperfection, hell, do it a thousand times over again if it meant that (Y/n) would turn around with that warm smile again. He wanted see that smile again. That smile that made him feel so warm. Please. One more time. Kita’s arm gravitated outwards, reaching for (Y/n’s) cold back as he turned away. One more time, please smile for me.
But he didn’t. He was met with nothing more than a cold shoulder.
He was left with the sudden drop in temperature, the world once filled with so much warmth being winded away into a cold wasteland. Kita looked down, his eyes numb and wide.
“Please come back...” he remembered saying, though he didn’t think it ever came out audibly.
“I love you, (Y/n)...”
‘God...dear God...’
He loved him so much.
‘Why did you take him away from me?’
‘The gods were always listening, is what my Baa-san would always say. Were the gods not listening to my undying love for you, (L/n)(Y/n)? Was my feelings for you not enough to make you smile for me one last time? God, I loved you so much.’
‘So did I not love you enough?’
——
Kita found himself sitting on the same bench (Y/n) professed his love for him to. Granted, it was the same bench they had broken up on, but Kita didn’t want to think about that.
He twirled a wilted cherry blossom petal in between his fingers. The rigid, dark pink petal cracked and crumbled, turning into dust in Kita’s hand.
As much as he hated this place, this stupid stone bench with a cherry blossom tree, it was a beautiful sight that not much students knew about. It was quiet, but it caused (Y/n’s) cold, cold eyes to bore into his mind all the more he stayed. It was a double edged sword.
He sometimes wondered what (Y/n) was doing with his free time outside of the club. What did he do? Did he take a nap after classes? His sleeping face looked very cute, though he only saw it once when he dozed off studying at his house. Did he spend time with his parents? He always found people respectable to their parents very attractive. Did he find a new club to stay with?
Kita clenched his fists. The thought of (Y/n) playing a different sport, doing something else after school, didn’t sit right with him. Was that what he was doing? Did he realize how cold and uncomfortable he made volleyball for him, and decided to leave? Would he never see him smiling up at him again after school?
Would he never see (L/n) (Y/n’s) warm, warm smile directed at him ever again?
He heard footsteps echo on the grass behind him. The footsteps halted awkwardly, and Kita turned around.
(Y/n) locked eyes with Kita. He should’ve been paying attention to where he was going, huh? Maybe if he was looking where he was walking, he could’ve noticed Kita Shinsuke sitting there, and could’ve found a different spot to sit at after school.
(Y/n) wasted no time spinning on his heel and leaving. He didn’t wanna face Kita after everything that went down.
Kita feet sprang him up and off the bench. He didn’t know what he was doing, but the next thing he knew was that his arms wrapped around (Y/n’s) body, holding him while he was facing away. Kita’s mind raced with thoughts and went absolutely blank at the same time.
(Y/n) pursed his lips. “What do you want?” He said. It came out harsher than he intended, but Kita paid no mind. He wordlessly buried his face into the crook of (Y/n’s) neck, nuzzling it and relishing in the warmth that was not intended for him.
“H-hey! What gives!” (Y/n) half-heartedly tried pushing Kita away. He knew if he gave in now, he’d come crawling back into Kita’s cold, loveless arms, craving that touch and pretending it was indeed, love. “Don’t...don’t touch me, Kita-“
“Shinsuke.”
The arm that was trying to push Kita away went limp. (Y/n’s) hardened exterior cracked as his resolve faltered. Kita buried himself deeper into (Y/n’s) shoulder, firmly wrapping his arms around (Y/n) tightly. He was practically murmuring into (Y/n’s) school uniform.
“Call...call me Shinsuke...it’s what you used to call me...when we first started dating...”
“Well,” (Y/n) downcast his face, his eyes hardened and cold while he balled up his fists. “We aren’t dating. So why does it-“
All of (Y/n’s) resolve, all the time he spent putting up the barrier to his emotions, shattered once he heard the first sniffle from Kita.
After that, Kita fell apart like dominoes.
His grip on (Y/n’s) waist tightened as he shook violently, sobs crescendoed and ripping through his body explosively, unlike the silent tears that he shed that day he left. His whimpers and choked cries were muffled from the cloth of (Y/n’s) uniform. He loved him so much. Why couldn’t he see how much he loved him?
Kita cried and cried on (Y/n’s) shoulder. He couldn’t see the type of face (Y/n) was making, and that made him all the more nervous. He wanted to feel the warmth of (Y/n) at least one last time. After that, he swore he would move on. He swore. He swore, so one last time. Please.
(Y/n) sighed. “Kita...”
Kita didn’t respond. He continued to cry pathetically onto (Y/n’s) shoulder.
“Kita-kun.”
This time, Kita shakily shook his head. (Y/n) sighed, this time more stably, and untangled Kita’s vice grip from his body.
“Shinsuke-kun...”
Kita, confused and sad, finally caught a glimpse of (Y/n’s) face when he turned around. He had a look of empathy, his warm hands brought up to his cheeks, melting his ice cold skin awake. Kita rumbled with another choked sob, closing his eyes and sobbing into (Y/n’s) hands. It was so warm. After the cold winter storm he’d suffered through, the first ray of sunshine that shone through always felt the best.
“Shinsuke-kun,” (Y/n) repeated. Kita hiccuped, trying to stop his tears from falling.
“P-lease come back...” Kita’s voice was hoarse, cracking with every word. “I-I don’t like this...”
(Y/n) said nothing. Kita broke free from (Y/n’s) soft grip on his face, and brought him into a hug. He was never much for physical affection, but right now (Y/n) felt so, so warm.
“You’ve...you’ve treated me so kind...I-I’m sorry...i’ve been so cold...” Kita rambled on, sobbing into (Y/n’s) hair quietly. (Y/n) still didn’t say anything.
“I-I...didn’t mean to...I swear...! I’ll be a better boyfriend...please...I’ll love you correctly...”
(Y/n’s) silence was defecating. Kita felt his ears go numb with the silent treatment he was being put through. Was this his punishment?
“I...say something...! Please...” Kita whispered, tears gathering at his eyes once more. “Please...”
Then, (Y/n) finally wrapped his warm arms around Kita. He mumbled pathetically, “Y’know I don’t like it when people cry, Shinsuke...”
It was Kita’s turn to go quiet. (Y/n) pulled away, much to Kita’s protest. However, the warm smile (Y/n) gave him made his heart throb and his throat close up.
(Y/n) caressed Kita’s face with his thumb. “Stop crying...”
“I love you...” Kita whispered, his voice cracking at the seams. (Y/n’s) face adorned a look of astonishment, a slight blush lighting up his already perfect sunny face.
(Y/n) smiled again. That same smile Kita had been craving for forever.
“T-Tell me that again...please.”
Kita collapsed into (Y/n’s) warm arms. Choked sobs of “I-I love you-!” And “I-I love you so much...” echoed through the air. The emotionless barrier, holding all of Kita’s emotions captive to the world, cracked and shattered, his crying face bearing the weight of a man who loved (L/n) (Y/n) with his entire being.
(Y/n) stroked the back of Kita’s head softly.
“Of course you do...”
God, he loved him so much.
——————
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user21340 · 3 years
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the world in her arms
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(i don’t own this gif or characters used in this fic)
pairing: natasha romanoff x fem!reader
summary: you and natasha have always had quite a flirty and sarcastic relationship. both of you develop feelings for one another but you both are clueless to what the other feels until nat gets jealous and says something hurtful to you. will you make up (or out)?
warnings: minor angst, fluff, swearing, and a mention of death.
word count: 2.1k
a/n: omg thank you so much for 57 followers love you all 💕. sorry for the lack of content i didn’t know what to write and had almost no new ideas. also i’m a youngin and worked my first 8 hr day yesterday so your girl was exhausted and i have finals coming up soon. k thank you for coming to my ted talk, enjoy!
also this song doesn’t relate to the story at all but it’s underrated imo and also sorry for the weird pov changes throughout the story.
“Hey y/l/n! Where are you headed?” Natasha yells from the kitchen while I’m standing in the living room on our shared floor.
“Wouldn’t you like to know Nat.” I say with a smirk.
“Yeah matter of fact I would.” she retorts.
“Chill, I’m just headed to train some recruits with Clint. But don’t miss me too much, I'll be back in a few hours, Natty.” You blow a kiss her way, and she just rolls her eyes partially from the kiss and the use of her nickname but you see a faint pink tint sitting atop of her cheeks before she turns away.
I’ve been training these recruits with Clint for a couple hours and my session is nearing an end. Something I’ve picked up on today is how touchy and how dumb these recruits are acting just for me to correct their form. I don’t have time for this shit I think as this girl has me correct her jab form for what has to be the fifth time this hour.
Non readers pov
Natasha actually does start to miss you because of how bored she is due to the larger training room being occupied for these recruits. She heads down to see if you are wrapping up yet and see if you’d like to grab dinner with her somewhere. She arrives at the training room and heads to the back room where there is a large one way mirror. Natasha, having nothing better to do, watches Clint and yourself interact with these seemingly clueless recruits.
Minutes pass and Natasha honestly likes seeing your frustration every time a recruit asks you a stupid question or something you’d already answered for the hundredth time this session. That is until she sees this handsy recruit keep asking you to correct your form which she sees you fake a smile at and happily correct it. As if Natasha isn’t jealous already she sees you release a genuine large laugh at something a recruit says. Not being able to withstand witnessing anymore of this behavior from you directed towards anyone else except her. Natasha then storms off into the living room.
Readers pov
I was nearing the end of this session when a recruit comes up behind me and asks, “Soooo, is it true that you and Clint are like a thing?” he asks with no trace of humor or sarcasm on his face. I just bust out laughing because one, everyone or at least almost everyone who knows about The Avengers knows that I’m 100% only interested in women and two, CLINT? I mean he is a great guy and all but I’ll never forget the time I went into a diner to have breakfast with him and the waitress assumed he was my grandfather.
twenty long minutes later...
The living room is lively and everyone seems to strike up a conversation with one another. I decide to strike up a conversation with Natasha who is weirdly acting cold all of a sudden.
“Oh my god! You know what I just remembered the other day? My mom used to-“
“Shut up, y/n/n. I don’t care and I don’t think anyone does at the moment.” she exclaims with a small smirk thinking you’ll detect her harsh-morbid sarcasm.
“Oh.” you choke out, “It’s getting pretty late I-I better head to bed” my voice cracks as I mutter a small, ‘asshole’ agony laced in my voice blinking the hot tears away. I start walking towards my room but it slowly turns into a jog, then sprint. Anything to get to my room and release my sadness.
Non readers pov
The room is frozen. Everyone is staring at Natasha.
“I care.” Wanda states heading to your room because she knows you shouldn’t be alone right now.
“Jesus Nat, that was awful. You know you’ve fucked you when even I say it’s bad. Poor girl’s mom passed when she was around 10.” Tony deadpans.
“Oh my god, what have I done?” Nat says burying her head into her hands.
“I’m not too sure how you’re gonna get out of this one Nat, but you’ve gotta fix this.” Sam says.
Wanda reaches your room and hears loud yet muffled sobs while standing in the hallway. She can feel your grief rippling through her body. The only heartache she can relate to is the moment she lost Pietro which is more than an average person should feel. She knocks on the door softly yet hard enough to alert you of her presence.
Readers pov
I hear three soft knocks on the door. I quickly silence my cries and assume it is Nat. I then clear my throat as the knocking continues and muster up enough energy to speak,
“Go away” into my pillow loudly. The knocking stops but I don’t hear anyone walk away just yet.
“Y/n/n, it’s Wanda. Can you let me in please, so we can talk?” she asks, I stand up while groaning and walk towards the door. I unlock it and open it just a crack to make sure she is alone and not with a certain someone. It is pretty short-lived as Wanda pushes the door open the rest of the way.
“Oh hon, I’m sorry.” She says as she wraps me into a tight hug after closing the door behind her. I crumble into her embrace as she rubs small circles on my back. Wanda has always been such a calming figure in my life since I met her, a major part being that she can feel almost all of my anxieties that try to drown me throughout a day. She also knows how it feels to be alone which allows her to relate to my feelings, so she knows just how much missing someone who is gone for eternity hurts.
We hug for what feels like minutes but when I take a quick glance outside my window it is dark out.
“Is it true?” I rasp.
“What?” she counters.
“Y’know that no one cares. All I wanted to do was share a memory that I remembered of myself with my mom and as you know it isn’t too often that I remember these types of things and when I do I love sharing them, so she won’t ever be forgotten. It just hurts so much to be shut down talking about something you truly care about by someone you care about.” I explain while Wanda looks at me with the softest eyes I’ve ever seen while nodding her head slightly.
“Now that is the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard. I care and everyone in this compound cares about what you have to say as well as what you are feeling. You know how Natasha can be sometimes with the insensitive comments she makes before realizing what she’s doing.”
“I know but that doesn’t give her the right to j-just say stuff like that. I get how full our relationship is with banter and sarcastic comments but I really thought she was starting to like me.” I frown as Wanda just nods. That’s when exhaustion hits me like a truck.
“Wands, before I ask you this just know you can decline.” I give her a minute to protest, but she says nothing. ” Can you sleep with me?” Wanda’s eyes widen,
”Y/n/n I don’t think that is a good id-“ I realize what I just said and cut her off before things get even more uncomfortable. “Nonono, Wanda, like lay down with me not any of that gross stuff. Ew.” Wanda’s features fill with relief, and she chuckles at my childish comment about sex.
“Of course I will! You just may want to word it a little different next time.” she chuckles as you hide your face with embarrassment. We both get settled on the bed and I feel her two arms pull me towards her and I snuggle closer.
Non readers pov
Wanda slowly gets out of bed after she is sure you are fast asleep and sets off to find Nat. When she does she sees that Nat had barely moved from where she last saw her still with her face in her hands.
“Nat. I know you think you really screwed up, which you did, but it’s y/n/n. You can’t go on without telling her how you feel about her.”
“Wanda, you can’t just look in my mind! We’ve talked about this!”
“Romanoff you know I’m one to keep my promises, so I’d never look without your permission. Maybe if you turned down the volume of your thoughts a few decibels I wouldn’t have heard anything. Also, are you ready that oblivious to the fact the whole team knows you two are like little lovesick puppies for one another when you two aren’t attached by the hip.” she explains, “Now, stop moping around and apologize at least.”
“You’re right, Wands, wish me luck. I hope she can forgive me.”
Natasha gets up and races towards your room. She didn’t want to wait so long to talk to you and apologize, but she thought you wouldn’t want to speak to her after what she’d said.
Similarly, to Wanda’s entrance, Natasha softly knocks on your door enough to wake you even out of your semi-deep sleep.
Readers pov
I jump at the knocks on the door and am confused to see Wanda is no longer beside me.
“Wanda you don’t have to knock, you know that.” I sigh out.
“It isn’t Wanda.” a voice you are able to recognize as Nat sheepishly speaks.
“Oh, what do you need?” I ask, all the heartbreak and ache coming back when I hear the voice I’m usually excited to listen to, as if her speech is my favorite song.
“Can we talk? I need to apologize.”
“Sure,” I softly reply.
Non readers pov
Nat opens the door once she has your permission and sees your usual strong, confident frame look small and fragile. Her heart breaks at the sight of you so broken and in pain because of her own actions. Not to mention your tear stained cheeks when you look towards her. It is silent for a minute or so before you throw your head back onto your pillow staring at the ceiling. This awakens something in Natasha for an unknown reason.
Readers pov
“Y/n, I am so sorry. I know that sorry doesn’t cut it for the amount of hurt I’ve caused you all because I was jealous but I hope we can rebuild what we had but it totally is okay if you don’t want to even though I would love another chance with yo-“
“Nat, calm down. I’m not going to sit here and say I’m fine with what you said because truth be told I love sharing memories of my family when I remember them with you. Not only because I trust you but because I think I care for you and love you more than friends should. I just hope what you said is meaningless or else that is when we can’t rebuild what we had.”
“No y/n/n, I didn’t mean any of it. It was just in the heat of the moment because I saw you laughing at something a recruit said when I was going to ask you if you wanted to go get dinner with me. So, I stormed off like a child and said hurtful things to mask my selfishness because I want you to be mine and mine only.”
“Oh my god Nat. You can’t be serious, I was laughing at something a recruit said because he assumed Clint and I were going out.” Nat bursts out laughing.
“See? Anyone who was told that who knew me would just die of laughter on the spot.” I say as I glance her way while patting the place beside me on my bed. She accepts.
“So you actually like me?” you hopefully ask.
“Possibly depending on if those feelings are reciprocated.”
“They are.” I say.
“Good. Can I also say how sorry I am for saying that to-“ I cut her off but placing a quick peck to her soft lips.
“Uh, uh, uh” I tut, “I don’t want to hear any more apologies come out of that mouth. Could you just hold me?” Natasha is still dumbfounded by the little kiss.
“Of course.” Nat complies pressing your back to her front as she wraps her long toned arms around your frame. I hum at the contact.
At this moment Nat realizes there is no place she’d rather be as she feels like she has the world in her arms.
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pillage-and-lute · 4 years
Text
The Courting Ways of Wolves (Part 2)
It’s back! Dumb boys in love! Also Grandpa Vesemir gets some feels and Geralt does some math. Part 1, (here) Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Epilogue
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Watching Winter at Kaer Morhen melt into early spring was always a beautiful process, but this year brought Geralt trepidation as well. Watching Ciri train had been wonderful, helping her learn the basics kept all the wolves on their toes, for the first time in many years actually thinking about motions that normally came from muscle memory. 
Yennefer had flourished into her role as “Aunty Yen,” not sweetly nurturing, the way one often thought about with children, but a clever tongue and tough love that Ciri, granddaughter of the Lioness, seemed completely at home with. 
Geralt was doing his best too. Ciri had started calling him dad about halfway through the winter, the first time happening at dinner and he’d very nearly choked on his ale. It sent something warm running through his veins every time, like good brandy that burned all the way down. 
He was trying, words still didn’t come naturally, but somehow Ciri always seemed to be able to see exactly what he meant. Maybe it was Destiny, maybe just a hurt, lost child clinging to whoever was consistent in her life, but Geralt hoped it was more. More than anything, he hoped Ciri truly understood how cared for she was, not just by himself, but all the wolves, Jaskier, and Yennefer.
Ciri had whispered to him one day, still panting after training, asking if he thought Yen would mind if she called her mom.
Geralt had replied that he didn’t think Yennefer would mind at all.
Yennefer came to him later, a tender look in her eyes. There was something, not fragile in her eyes, but Jaskier had pointed out in a marketplace once, a beautiful porcelain vase that had been broken and artfully repaired with gold. Yen’s expression reminded him of that. 
They sat for a while, then Yennefer said, “Will you be able to let go of her in the spring?” 
“Yes,” Geralt said, although he was less than sure that parting from Ciri would be so easy. “She needs you, and time away from me. And to be around women.”
Yennefer nodded, gave Geralt a pat on the shoulder, and left. Geralt stayed, cloak wrapped around him as he sat looking out over the walls. 
There was much that would happen in the spring, and his life, which had been pretty stagnant before, was changing more in these past few years than it ever had. He felt like Kaer Morhen itself, built to last and yet crumbling still, the weight of change and time and destiny tearing down walls. 
He watched the sun go down. 
Vesemir joined him, carrying two bowls of stew. Geralt took a bite of his and winced. It had been Eskel’s turn to cook. Out of the corner of his eye he saw Vesemir’s mustache twitch with a hint of a smile. They ate the oversalted meal in silence.
“You know,” Vesemir said, and in the starlight the crags on his face looked carved in. “I come up here to think too.” 
Geralt knew, but Vesemir wasn’t interested in talking about the battlements, he could tell. 
“I think, most nights, about the ghosts within these walls. All of the little boys who died so that the School of the Wolf could be.” The wind picked up, howling like, with an excellent sense of the dramatic, a wolf. 
“The Trials haunt me, Geralt. More than anything in my life, and it has been a long life indeed.” 
“You saved me,” Geralt said. “Saved Eskel.” But he too remembered the still bodies carried out and buried in the night. How few boys remained. Remembered the screaming in the night, unsure how much of the sound was torn from his own throat, and what came from his brothers dying around him.
“I let them put you through it twice. That wasn’t salvation, lad.” Vesemir sighed. “I couldn’t have put a stop to the Trials, don’t know if I would have if it were possible, there have to be Trials to be witchers, and the world needs us, whatever it may believe. But maybe there was a better way. A kinder way. You were boys, little lads who went through so much pain.”
Geralt was startled to see a tear fall down the craggy face, burying in the moustache. Witchers could cry, but it happened rarely, tears could blur vision in a fight, and only very strong emotion, the sort they had been taught to suppress,  could override the mutations. 
And then Vesemir put an arm around Geralt’s shoulder and gave him an oddly nice hug. It could have cracked a boulder.
“Someone should have held you boys more,” Vesemir said, a touch abashedly. They looked out over the walls some more and Geralt wondered if the conversation was over, but Vesemir didn’t take the arm away.
“Ciri called me Grandpa today.”
Ah. That would explain a lot. Watching Vesemir interact with Ciri over the winter had been a delight and a surprise to the wolves. He’d even sat her on his knee and told her stories of when Lambert, Eskel, and Geralt were young like a, well, like a doting grandfather. Jaskier had been enthralled as well, naturally, but seeing Vesemir so soft, and sometimes looking a little sad, around Ciri, had been an education for the men who would always think of themselves as ‘Vesemir’s Little Lads’.
“She won’t be a witcher,” Vesemir said. “Couldn’t be even if we would want it, and I never would.”
“No,” Geralt said.
No,” agreed Vesemir. They looked out over the darkened landscape.
“I never wanted a family,” Vesemir said after a while where their breaths hung in the air before them. “‘O course, witchers aren’t supposed to, but you’ve built a nice little family for yourself, laddie. It’s not as may be, not like you’d find in villages or in your pet bard’s fancy songs. But you’ve a brave and rather headstrong daughter, and she has a mum, and a dad, and two already very protective uncles.”
“And a grandpa,” Geralt cut in.
“And a grandpa,” Vesemir agreed. “But a family needs a little more than that. There’s gotta be someone to teach the lass how to love.”
Geralt was about to protest that he’d seen plenty of loveless marriages, but then considered the results in the children. Jaskier was one, he knew. The sort of lost way Jaskier sucked up approval, when they’d first met, the way he’d drank up compliments like a man with water in the desert, whenever Geralt thought on it there was a sort of humming ache. He’d consulted with Eskel on the feeling, concerned it was illness. Apparently, it was just what happened when someone you loved was hurting and it wasn’t something you could kill or fix.
“It doesn’t need to be romantic love,” Vesemir said, obviously seeing Geralt’s face. “And she’ll know how to love family fine, and how to love friends, as you and Yennefer figure that out between the two of you. But your bard loves you, and the way you love him can teach her how to love others and herself. And if Ciri has another dad maybe you can worry less.”
Geralt chuckled. Ciri could have fifty parents, and Geralt would still lose sleep worrying. Vesemir smiled back at him, eyes crinkling and moustache lifting like a bristle brush that had learned to fly. Then he slapped Geralt on the back, and Geralt, the White Wolf of Rivia, Butcher of Blaviken, the witcher who had twice survived the Trials, felt his spine compress like a spring and he was sure he felt a rib creak.
“Love Jaskier, lad. Hold tight to him. We rarely get good things.”
Then Vesemir walked back inside and Geralt stared after him. There weren’t many old witchers, dangers of the job and all that, but Vesemir was proof that witchers, like oak wood, only solidified with age. 
Geralt followed him inside. 
The next days passed in a flurry of activity. Ciri had been let off of training with the wolves to pack for her journey with Yennefer, and to be quickly given the rundown of the basics of magic. The wolves were packing as well, preparing to leave Kaer Morhen. In between final preparations and weapon repair, Geralt checked over The List.
The List was supposed to help him court Jaskier. It was the combined brainchild of everyone (except Jaskier, of course) at Kaer Morhen. More importantly, his intention to court Jaskier met with Ciri’s approval. 
When the day arrived, Geralt felt a curious lump in his throat. He watched Ciri say goodbye to Eskel and Lambert, the latter picking her up and swinging her in an arc, letting her joyful whoop echo about the courtyard. Then she hugged Vesemir, and he crushed her very gently to him. And then she turned to him and Jaskier. 
He was thankful that Ciri bade Jaskier goodbye first, watching the bard wipe a surupticious tear away as he held the blonde girl. It was Geralt’s turn and he didn’t know what to do. He cleared his throat.
“Follow Yennefer’s instructions,” he said. That didn’t seem like enough. “And don’t talk to strangers,” he said. It still seemed insufficient but he was out of advice so he stuck out his hand to shake. Ciri laughed and leapt at him, throwing her arms around his neck.
He held her there, reveling in hugging his daughter, his child surprise, who was so full of surprises and he felt, for the first time in many years, the feeling of rather full tear ducts. He blinked them away. 
“Good luck,” Ciri whispered in his ear. Jaskier wouldn’t have heard, but the witchers with their enhanced hearing surely had. Geralt nodded and set her down.
He coughed awkwardly and pulled out a little packet wrapped in burlap and some rough twine. Ciri beamed and pulled at the string so that the packaging fell away. A long piece of metal, bent into a thin U shape lay in his palm, the ends were surprisingly sharp. Ciri picked it up and examined it, then looked up at him questioningly. 
“Hair pin,” Geralt said gruffly. “For your hair. And stabbing.” He mimed a clumsy, underhanded stab. “Eskel helped me silver plate it. For monsters. But also men, if they’re close enough.” He trailed off, knowing he sounded awkward. Who gave a self defense implement as a gift?
Ciri beamed at him again. “I love it,” she said, also miming a few stabs. He supposed that as a parent he shouldn’t be so proud of the light in his daughter’s eyes when she talked about stabbing, but he was almost certain that she got that trait from Jaskier, who tended to get...pointed about disagreements in pubs.
Yennefer stepped forward and carefully took the hair pin from their daughter, swooping her silver blonde hair back into a twist and sliding it in place. She placed a hand on Ciri’s shoulder and smiled at Geralt, and he was reminded again of that vase, stronger and more beautiful for the cracks in the facade. She then gave him a quick side hug and and even one for Jaskier, and opened a portal.
Geralt stared after his friend and his daughter long after the portal closed, until Jaskier, hand wrapped in a heavy mitten, gently took his wrist. They waved to the other wolves, and left, Roach walking obediently alongside. 
And then it was just the two of them. Again. Just like the last twenty years. That thought occupied him as they made it down the Killer. The path down from Kaer Morhen was deadly, but that year Geralt made it down without thinking, keeping half a thought to Jaskier’s ambling form as he went.
How old was Jaskier? 
He’d been eighteen or so when they met. Eighteen plus twenty-two was forty. Forty wasn’t that old for a human but Jaskier didn’t look too much different than he had at...Geralt did the math. Twenty-five? But there were signs. A few lines here and there, although Jaskier was insistent about his skincare. A line of silver, just a few hairs, probably unnoticable except to Geralt’s enhanced eyes. He was aging better than a human should.
Or perhaps not. Time was tricky for witchers, never staying in one place, never knowing people long enough to watch them age, he didn’t really know what to compare Jaskier to. 
He did know how long humans lived though. And at the base of the mountain he came to a resolution, felt it settle in to his bones as deep as his mutations, deeper, even. 
Twenty years, or nearly, where he hadn’t known Jaskier. Twenty more where he hadn’t admitted they were friends, or that he loved him. Eighty years in a human life span. And Geralt would love Jaskier, and make sure he knew he was loved, for the next four decades, give or take. He looked at his companion, paused as they were to give their feet and Roach a rest. The weak, watery sun of the early spring day fell on Jaskier’s face, dappled through the branches, which as of yet held no buds.
He pictured lines appearing, laugh lines, smile lines, crinkles carving themselves into the landscape of the familiar features. He pictured silver through the hair, more, in thicker streaks at the temples. Geralt saw a lifetime, Jaskier’s lifetime, in an instant. Silver covered warm brown, strong legs grew shakey, lines crowned a forehead and swept about clear eyes. 
What would happen, Geralt thought, when Jaskier could no longer keep up? But Geralt knew what would happen. He’d take Jaskier to Kaer Morhen, or go with him to Oxenfurt, and spend his days with him. It had been a few short months since he’d realized he was in love with Jaskier, but that was only because Geralt’s skill with emotions was roughly similar to Jaskier’s apparent self preservation. Why had he let the lad talk to him in a pub? Had he loved him then? He remembered the shock of not being feared, of looking into clear, bright eyes and seeing admiration, the fierce protectiveness that had flared when he woke and saw the fool tied to him in an elven lair. Had it been love? 
Watching Jaskier whisper softly to Roach as snow melted around him, Geralt was sure it had been. Destiny, Fate, the two bit tart who kept fucking him over, had given him his greatest blessing in a form that Geralt, up until that very second had considered a myth. Love at first sight. Love had brought him Jaskier, and Ciri, and a fast friendship with the most powerful mage on the Continent. Love had brought him a family in the form of a wayward bard with bread in his pants. And Geralt had forty more years to cherish him. 
Step One the list had said in Eskel’s clear writing. Kiss his hand. Being mindful of Step Two, to mind his manners, Geralt crossed the clearing to Jaskier and took the thick woolen mitten in his gloved hand. 
“May I?” he said. Jaskier gave him a baffled look, but nodded.
Geralt pressed chapped lips to a palm wrapped in knitted wool, and Jaskier smiled, albeit a little confusedly. It didn’t matter. Geralt wanted to spend the next forty years wrapped in that smile. 
Then Jaskier asked him if he was feeling well.
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justananxiousauthor · 4 years
Text
DestructiveDeath Oneshot
Soooooo, I made this a few months ago.... and never posted it... then shared with my friend... now I gotta post it.... soooo here ya go. @nozapuns Here ya go....
I found myself trembling as Reaper disappeared, my voice still caught in my throat, my throat dry. He didn’t understand, he didn’t understand a thing I’d been through. I’d watched everyone I loved die by the hands of some kid. No, not some kid, Chara. The name made me grit my teeth, I hated that small child with every fiber in my being, and every drop of magic in my soul. They’d taken everything I cared about, everything but Reaper, I guess I took them away from myself. He didn’t understand how much I loathed myself for what had happened, and it wasn’t like I could talk to anyone else in my plain white hell. I’d spend days, months, years maybe, waiting for him to return so we could spend a short time together before he vanished again. I was done living like this, I’d rather return to my timeline and be dusted than spend another moment here, and reaper hated that. I sat on the ground in my lonely silence as time passed by. He’d say he’d be back soon, but here?
Soon could be never.
And never could be soon.
Time passed…….
I don’t even know how long
I could only judge by the exhaustion I felt, so I counted the days by my sleep. 
10 cycles passed and I was still alone.
20 passed and nothing…..
30
40
50…
100… 
Invisible aches filled me, and I don’t even know what happened next. Anger filled me, rage that I couldn’t even understand. I just didn’t understand…..
150…
200…
300…
500…….
5,000………………….
Everything blurred together, the loneliness crushing. Tears burned my skull like fire branding my bones. Then something changed, a new power coursed through my soul as the tears dried to once porcelain white face of mine leaving streaks of light blue. I gasped as I felt the void pulling at my body, glitching it even more than the day I had come here. What was once white turned black, my sockets red eyes yellow, and fingers red and yellow. What was happening?!
I woke up somewhere new, or maybe it was the same place as before, but it felt…..
Different.
I could feel the energy that was hidden in the white space, and it was almost like I could... 
Open it. 
Out stretching my hand I took in a sharp breath, a window opening for me to look out into the world.
Not a window, a door for me to finally escape my endless prison.
Freedom….
5,001…...
Day 11,397 without Reaper.
A day well done as the Destroyer of AU’s, a title I held dear, bringing all other abominations to their knees. I enjoyed my work, which made it easy to keep others from suffering like how I did. However, I found it impossible to destroy a classic timeline, something I was from, maybe it just pained me too much to see my brother cry… but if a single Sans attempted to become Geno and stray from their code, they would be annihilated. I found myself in a void, not one of my own, one created by a new Geno. The new code felt sickly to me, this idiot had no idea what he was doing, but I could fix that. By the end of the fight, if you could even call it that, his dust laid at my feet, a hollow pain echoing in my soul, but before I could destroy the timeline….
A voice from the past came echoing back.
“Geno, I’m here to visit!” Reaper’s voice echoed through the void. My body stiffened at the sound, so this is what he had been doing? Got in a fight with me so he just found a replacement? A new geno, someone with the same face, personality, a clean slate…
I couldn’t help but laugh. 
“What- Error!” Reaper growled, and by the time I turned to see him, he had his scythe ready to fight. So quick to jump to attack the one he claimed to love, not that I was that person anymore, Geno died a long long time ago.
“Long time no see Reaper,” I said, I doubt he remembered, I probably wasn’t even the first Geno he played with. I pressed my fingers to my face for a moment before pulling the brightly colored yarn away from my blackened cheekbones, “Do you wanna play too?” I asked, the pain numbing.
“You killed him,” He began staring at the dust that greyed my feet. He charged, probably mad I broke his new toy, so I dodged.
“What? Miss him already? Oh please Reaper, I know this isn’t the first Geno you’ve played with. Just another toy broken in your miserable toy box right?” 
“You know NOTHING!!” He yelled while swinging his scythe at me, his rage would be his downfall in this fight. 
I was right, the fight ended quickly as Reaper made a mistake and ended up caught in my lines, hands tangled above his head.
“I know nothing?” I asked leaning in, holding the ends of the yarn that tangled him up oh so beautifully. “Is that true? Do I really know nothing? I mean you’ve been Geno hopping for as long as I can remember, their sad faces crying out for you, yet you never come. You never save them, you never saved him.”
“Him?” He asked, he looked so deliciously defeated, like I had destroyed something he actually cared for.
“Geno? All of them, everyone I have ever destroyed.” 
“Did you?” He began.
“Of course I did, they all became dust at my feet. Which is really a shame, dust is so hard to wash out.” 
“Did you kill a Geno, 11,000 days ago?” He asked, wow, color me impressed, he remembered.
“What’s so important about that Geno in particular? He’s just another abomination snuffed out.” 
“He was my Geno, now tell me, did you kill him, 11,000 days ago?” He asked again, his Geno? Me? He was lying, trying to get under my skin. If I had any.
“Yes, I killed Geno, and I watched him scream, I watched him slowly become insane, from loneliness, from guilt, from pain. 11,000 days alone, and I watched, and then, when I became bored with watching his insanity, I killed him.” I said expressionlessly. Reaper’s eyes went dark. “I mean, did you really care about him, you left him alone for so long!” I couldn’t help but laugh.
“I cared,” He whispered.
“Excuse me?” I said dryly.
“I cared more than I have ever cared about anyone.” Reaper continued.
“You cared about some random Geno that you ran away from?” I couldn’t help but ask as I leaned forwards to look into his deep dead eyes. “You left him alone, to go insane.” I said simply, “you two get in a fight over something that was killing him inside and you left him.” 
“I didn’t mean to!” Reaper snapped looking up at me, “I couldn’t get back in! I couldn’t open a portal or anything to his void! I tried to go back to apologize but I couldn’t!” He said now tears began to fall.
“You tried?” I said dryly, “you tried?” I began to laugh, “well obviously Reaper, you didn’t try hard enough!” Now I was yelling, the same painful rage as the day I left filled me. “You left me there alone to suffer for years on end! 15 years of isolation 15 YEARS of being alone and you…. YOU…!” I yanked on the yarn to pull him upright into, what looked like, a rather uncomfortable position. “You tried,” I growled, my anger, my frustration….
“You?” The light returned to his eye as he looked at me.
“Me?” I asked, “What about me? You left Geno alone!” I snapped.
“No, you said I left you alone, Error…” he paused.
“Hah! No, I didn’t,” The anger was quickly replaced with stomach-turning anxiety. 
“Error where did you come from?” Reaper asked while looking my body over. “How were you made?” I wanted to hide, remove his wandering eye lights from me.
“That’s a little personal don’t you think?” I asked, feeling sick.
“You’re the one that started monologuing and slipped up. Now tell me, Error, where did you come from.” The look he gave me made me feel like I hadn’t felt in over 30 years. I grabbed my chest with my free hand and looked down. 
“It really isn’t any of your business,” I stated.
“I really think it is Geno,” his words made the yarn slip from my hands, releasing him and dropping the other skeleton to the ground. It took him a moment to recover but he stood. “Now, tell me what happened.” He could see right through me, see right through the lies, through this character I had made.
“Don’t call me that,” I said simply, arms dropping to my sides.
“Alright, Error,” He got up and came to me, hands sliding down my arms before taking my hands in his. His touch, though it did make me flinch, it also made me feel like that love-struck puppy I once was. It wasn’t as scary. “Tell me what happened.” I found myself unable to stop once I started, telling him my new life story, the pain, the tears, everything. Damp dark yarn ran down from his empty socks, sticking to my cheeks as he listened to me, one hand gently brushing over my cheekbone as he hushed me, I pushed him back.
“Reaper,” I said my voice cracking from the pain, “I can’t.” my voice broke my own tears falling. “I couldn’t do it anymore,” he hushed me more silently as he pulled me into his arms, one hand cradling the back of my head, the other rubbing circles into my shoulder. I could more glitches coat me but… he was okay... “The loneliness was crushing.”
“It's okay, I am so sorry I left you like that, I tried to go back and apologize, I promise, I’ll be right next to you the whole way, I promise I won’t leave you again,” I swore into my ear. 
“But Reaper,” I started with voice trembling, “What am I going to do?” I asked, “I’m no longer the person you love.” 
“Error no,” He said pulling back and resting a hand on my cheek, “No no my love, it doesn’t matter who you are, Sans, Geno, Error, I don’t care. I know who I love, and that’s you.” His words made me melt into him, returning into his arms as the tears fell heavier. I just wanted to stay there, in his grip as he protected me from the pain I had felt for all these years without him. He hushed me as I sobbed, the crushing loneliness finally lifting off my shoulders as I just melted into the man I loved’s arms. His hands gently ran over me as he tried to comfort me, trying to hide his own tears. “I am so sorry my love, I love you more than the worlds themselves.” 
Day 1 with Reaper again.
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candyflosskells · 3 years
Text
I wrote the part two of that really depressing thing I made last time. My bad? Idk I don’t think this ones as sad so that’s gotta be something, right?
This one is NSFW though so proceed with caution.
There’s fingers in his hair, rough lips on his stretched neck. The scratching of dark, coarse stubble stinging delightfully as it leaves behind a pretty pink stain upon his delicate skin. It’ll be the only evidence of this happening tomorrow, when daylight comes and he can look at himself in the hotel mirror and think, why did he do that?
He doesn’t know the answer now and he sure as hell won’t know it tomorrow either. All he really knows for sure is that he can’t lose this, can’t lose Marshall’s touch - whether it be the soft caress he prefers or the tight bruising grip he uses upon Colson’s pale skin when he’s desperate for a quick fuck.
He knows he can’t function without the man even if every time they touch since Marshall left, the crack in Colson’s fragile little heart grows ever deeper - a slow painful countdown for when the time bomb violently detonates and his heart shatters into bloodthirsty glass daggers leaving him hurt and alone once more. But why would he care for the future? When right now he’s balanced so happily on the jagged cliff edge?
His resolve didn’t last long. When Marshall called and asked to be ‘just friends’, Colson had clenched his jaw and snarled ‘acquaintances’ down the microphone, the pain too raw to forgive, to act like it was all okay when Marshall didn’t love him anymore. How could he be so unaffected? But then, then there was that one lonely night where Colson was just so exhausted with trying that he let down his guard and of course that’s when Marshall tore his way back into Colson’s broken heart.
It had been an award show, just another boring one where he’d been forced to go by the label. He hadn’t wanted to leave his bed, rejected every call, drank himself sick a couple -more than a couple -times until they came by to dress him up. A puppet on a string, that’s what he was now. ‘You’re doing it Colson! It’ll be good for appearances.’ They had said, ‘It’ll show everyone you’re okay, you haven’t been out much lately, the fans are concerned’. Fuck the fans! Everyone he knew had been worried- Pete? Rook? Slim? Dom?- He’d been missing calls from everyone in his life. It was like they all knew something was missing but they couldn’t figure out how to fix it.
They couldn’t fix it however hard they tried but the one thing that could? Well, he was sitting across the room that night, eyes trailing over Colson’s tired face and then like magnets they came together once more. Just a half hour later found him with flushed cheeks pinned against the bathroom wall, the hard tile cool to touch, only warmed by his soft breathy moans for more. He’d missed this. There was nothing in the world quite like the feeling of Marshall taking him apart, spreading his long legs and pounding into him ruthlessly as if the sight of Colson was too much for him and he was overcame by the feral need to claim, to mark, to ruin Colson so completely in all the right ways.
Colson was his, for as long as he wanted.
He knows he shouldn’t have done it, shouldn’t have given in but now that he has, he can’t go back to being without it. He won’t. He knows sometimes when he gets so desperate to be loved, he’ll take anything he can get from the older man but he truly thinks he can’t stop himself. Marshall was so entwined in every part of Colson's life that if he left again, Colson would come crashing down like a house of cards. Marshall’s name was on every sign, his voice in every song, wherever Colson went, there were things Marshall would love so greatly that the thought makes Colson giddy. But Colson can’t show the man these things - not now. Now it’s just rough touches, quick fucks and brief goodbyes. They’re not the same but they’re enough for Colson to keep his sanity at least. There wouldn’t be much left of it if Marshall called it off again, he was sure.
But then, here they are again, a dingy old motel where no one would think to look for the both of them, their bodies slotted together so perfectly that for a moment Colson wonders how they could ever be parted again. Thick fingers stretch him out hurriedly, no time for kindness but Marshall keeps him distracted with vicious biting kisses and every time their lips touch it’s like electricity crackling to life. It shoots through every vein, supercharging his skin until he’s so ready, so wanting for Marshall to do something. Marshall's hasty touch retreats before he’s pushing himself inside. Colson lets the feeling of himself stretching consume him like wildfire as the brunette fills him up completely and in that moment, he knows that he is Marshall’s forever. He uses his blunt fingernails to mark up pale skin, leaving dark red scratches engraved into the man's muscular back. He’s leaving his mark, a not-so gentle reminder for Marshall the next day so he won’t forget the night before. Won't forget him.
Before the breakup, Colson had been so sure of Marshall’s love, no need to let the world know the brunette was his because Marshall told them himself, told every man, woman and child about his love for Colson but now? To Marshall this was just a hookup. A fun fuckbuddy and sure they had history, but a fuckbuddy with history was still just a fuckbuddy. Just someone for Marshall to easily get lost in. A quick fuck, a little bit of entertainment, a fun easy plaything that’s always up for something. That’s all he is to Marshall, all he’ll ever be to Marshall now their love is no more.
It hurts of course, a sharp stabbing pain when Colson thinks about it too hard. Robbing him of his already shallow breath but it’s easy to forget, to push away the intrusive thoughts when there's strong hands bruising his delicate hips just right. Perhaps this is all just a bump in the road. Yeah of course it is, Colson thinks desperately as he fucks down on his former lover's cock, moans pouring from his pretty pink mouth, because surely, the blonde silently reassures himself, Marshall can feel the powerful tugging from the red strings that connect them so clearly or he wouldn’t be here with him at all, right? Would he?
He doesn’t know.
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