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#this was my way of getting some of that grief out
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A red thread tying you to me (Charles Leclerc)
There was something pulling you to him and Charles was ready to act on it
Note: english is not my first language. I loved the blurb and now we have a big piece too!
Thank you so much to everyone who likes and reblogs, your feedback is appreciated 🤍 and I'm taking requests so if you have any ideas or concepts you want to share, feel free to do so as I'll try to get to them the best I can!
my masterlist
Tw: mentions the death of reader's father's and Charles' father's deaths
Tag list: @myloverjk-blog @hiireadstuff @c-losur3
"The congress is just outside of Milan, the exact city and details are in there", your colleague Lucia offered as she flickered though the pages, "I've been a couple of times before and it's really enriching, I just know you'll love the students and the department head - she was my supervisor for a couple of years".
"It sounds great", you looked at the panel information and then the travel details, "it's such a shame you can't come with me though, but I also wouldn't want to risk your little dude showing up and have me as your midwife", you chuckled as Lucia rubbed her baby bump.
"You're capable of many things, Y/N, but I would prefer if the fate of my baby and my underparts was in the hands of a professional!", she bumped your shoulder, "and the area is really nice too, I'm sure you'll find something to keep you busy during the weekend".
"I have plans, actually, I'll be fine I think", you smiled.
Like Lucia predicted, you had a great time in the conference and the guest lecture you gave was applauded and discussed for nearly an hour after you showed the last slide of the presentation, topics going back and forth until everyone had to absolutely leave the room before the next lecture began. For now, you'd get to enjoy the region, drinking some wine and taking in the views you recognised.
The park where your father used to take you didn't look too different. The slides didn't look rusty anymore, and the swing was a bright red colour as you sat on it once you didn't see any other kid around who might want to use them and let yourself feel the breeze on your face and hair as you kicked your legs in and out. Your father used to make you feel like you could touch the sky with how high he helped you go, "you're going to touch the clouds, mia piccola stella", he would say and you would laugh loudly.
You missed him every single day, but over the years, your grief allowed you remember all of the happy moments you lived with him, cherishing them close to your heart. Spending the whole weekend in Monza and attending the race was something you hadn't done without him since he passed away. The circuit was your father's favourite - "it's the fans, Y/N, there's a thrill in the air that no other circuit has - Tifosi cover the streets, they're all you can see around town and it's magical almost" he would say to you, so when you noticed the conference was in the area and coincided with the Grand Prix weekend, both you and your mother agreed you should take the opportunity.
On your way back to the hotel, you stopped by the track, wondering what the preparations for a race weekend looked like after so many years. You still followed the sport, but you never got the chance to catch this on television.
"Oh my, oh my", you heard someone say beside where you were standing, "I can't believe my eyes, it's Y/N Y/L/N".
Turning around you spotted Salvatore, one of the mechanics your father worked with. He also had kids around your age and you would often play together whenever you were both in the garage for the weekend.
"Salvatore!", you cheered, giving him a big smile after kissing each of his cheeks, "you better believe your eyes then".
"It's been so long since I've seen you last", he recalled, rubbing your back softly. You and your mother had gone to Maranello for a tribute ceremony the team had for your father - that had been the last time he saw you.
"It has been, yes - I'm sorry", you apoligised. You told the team you'd be around and so much had happened since and you only watched it through a screen instead of living it in the flesh.
"It's okay, it was the time you needed - What brought you to Monza this weekend?", he wondered as he walked inside the paddock with you, scanning his card and getting you both in.
"A work trip actually - I finished a conference yesterday and I also gave a lecture at the university", you nodded, "and my father always loved Monza", you smiled at the memory, "he knew how cliché that sounded, but he always said there wasn't a better weekend on the calendar. And I've missed the rush, too", you offered, letting the tears flow freely and accepting them even though you were in the middle of the paddock, loud noises coming from every angle as the teams prepared the finishing touches for the upcoming race.
"He's very proud of you, I'm sure", Salvatore comforted, "and everyone will be happy to see you here - the little girl with the high pigtails is a grown woman now who attends conferences and gives lectures, who would've known?", he joked as you stepped inside the garage.
"Is this little troublemaker Y/N Y/L/N?", one of the oldest mechanics said after he applied a sticker to the halo.
When your father took you to the races, everyone knew they had fun guaranteed with you, always pulling pranks and laughing loudly, "my troublemaker days are over, I'm a responsible woman now", you chuckled, giving a quick wave to everyone before greeting everyone individually.
"Do you have tickets for this weekend?", Fred asked. Even though he had just met you, it was clear to him how much you mattered to everyone who worked with your father, "we can get you a pass, I'm sure".
"I have grandstand tickets", you stated.
"Silvia!", the team principal called the woman, making her approach him and rub your arm kindly, "do we have any guest passes left?".
"Let me check", Silvia mumbled, "we have one left, actually! Charles didn't even notice he asked us to save a ticket for his mother twice - I'll get it for you, it's in the meeting room upstairs", she smiled.
"Charles will also be very happy to see you around, did you tell him you were coming?", Salvatore mentioned.
"I haven't actually - I've been really busy", you mumbled.
You met the monégasque driver when he was Scuderia Ferrari's development driver and Prema Racing driver in Formula Two, accidentally running into him in the dining area of the hospitality and ending up spending most of his free time there throughout the whole weekend.
Quickly, it became a tradition to do so whenever he was over and whenever he was done with his Formula Two duties and you happened to be at the same track.
When you stopped attending races because the memories were too painful, you lost contact, opting to react to eachother's Instagram stories every now and again and sending quick messages through the social media app.
"The boys arrive today, but they're only coming to the track tomorrow", Fred added, "you'll have plenty of time to catch up".
Charles had finally arrived to the hotel after all the flights and drives, thankful that there weren't many fans around already and he could get inside without a hitch, checking in and getting his room keys.
"Hold it, per favore!", he said to the person on the lift, dreaming of the changing from his travel outfit and the bed waiting for him. When his hand helped him inside the metal door, he couldn't believe his eyes, "Y/N?".
He could remember the last time he saw you. He had just started his first season as a Formula One driver for Alfa Romeo and you had come back to the paddock for the first race of the season like you promised you would. He sat with you whenever he had a little break, you caught up with him and his early days as a driver with a seat rather than just watching from the sidelines.
"Charles, hi!", you gasped, hugging him and feeling him squeeze your body against his.
"I- what are you doing here? Are you here for the race?", he wondered. This couldn't be a mere coincidence. He hoped it wasn't.
"I had a work trip here that coincided with this weekend, and I thought of it as a sign", you explained, "you're staying in this hotel too?".
"Yes, the team are at the one where we usually stay for the weekend, but until Thursday, I'm staying here, yes", he smiled, "Goodness, I feel like it's both been forever and like it was yesterday", he chuckled, "do you want to get a drink? I have a nice selection in my room whenever I stay", he offered.
"I'd love to, Charles", you said, hoping that the tingly feeling on your tummy mirrored Charles' own excitement at this unexpected but valued encounter, "are you sure though? You just arrived".
"No, don't worry about that! My room is... 705", he checked on the card he was handed, "so you can join me now or maybe you want to set those things down first and meet me there?", he pointed to the bag you were carrying.
"Yes, this is quite heavy actually", you blushed, "my room is on this floor, so I'll meet in your room in fifteen? I need to freshen up because I've been walking around town all day".
Leaving the elevator on your floor, Charles waved at your before the doors closed andyou headed to your door. Stepping inside, you left the totebag with the books you bought in the chair before heading to the bathroom, brushing out any tangles in your hair and splashing your face with water to freshen up.
After getting yourself ready to go, you went up to Charles' floor, knocking on the door and waiting for him.
"Come in, come in!", Charles offered after he opened the door, "I've unpacked but kept it very organised still", he chuckled as you walked inside the room. It looked the same as yours did, only a different colour pallette for the decoration.
"How have you been?", you wondered once you sat down and shared some sparkling water, neither of you really feeling like drinking anything alcoholic.
"You surely know more about me than I know about you", Charles smiled, "but it's been good, this season has been great so far, I feel like we're in a really good path and things are working well", he took a sip from his cup, "the team have done such an incredible job".
"And the driver on the car doesn't have anything to do with that?", you squinted at his ever so modest take on things.
"I suppose I do", he blushed.
"I may have not been here, but I've watched every race - minus some of the ones at daft o'clock, I only watched those when my sleep was all messed up", you joked, "you're an essential part of this team, Charles, everyone can see that so you should give yourself more credit", you touched his arm.
Even though it had been years since you last saw eachother, you hit it off immediately and it seemed like no time had passed.
"And you? What is this work trip that brought you here?", Charles nodded.
"You're not the only one who gets to travel for work, alright?", you tsked, "I had to do a presentation on a conference and then the department invited me for a lecture, nothing big".
"Who's being ever so modest now, hm? That is fantastic, mon ange!", he congratulated before he noticed the words coming out of his mouth.
"When I noticed it fell around this weekend, I told my mum and she said that I should try and dip my foot here - I've been wanting to come to race sooner but...", you trailed off.
"I get it - it's hard going to the places that remind you of them", Charles took his hand in yours and squeezed it, "he was so cherished by the team, I'm sure everyone will be very happy to see you".
"Actually, I walked to the track today so I could see it up close before the race - I hoped it wouldn't be such a big shock once I got there on Friday -, and I bumped into Salvatore", you smiled, "he let me go into the garage and I saw everyone, it was really nice", you looked up so the tears on your eyes wouldn't fall.
"I can get you a pass, let me just text Silvia!", Charles said as he got his phone from his pocket with his free hand.
"She already did", you chirped, "apparently you booked two for your mother, so they had a spare one".
"You see, a couple of years ago, my mum was too late to tell me she was coming to the race and I was out of the guest passes, so I always have one on hold for her and I sent the list with her name on it as well", he admitted, "but it seems to have turned out just fine - meant to be even".
You ended up requesting room service for the two of you for dinner, neither feeling like going out of the room after feeling so comfortable there. Conversation was steady, vulnerability was easy to show and the butterflies were happily dancing on your tummy.
"I better get to my room, then", you stated once Charles told you about what he needed to do tomorrow once he was at the track.
"I didn't mean it that way - I'm fine!", he said after doing his best attempt at containing a big yawn, "I'm fine!".
"You're tired, and frankly so am I", you admitted as you got up from the bed.
"Would you like to come with me to the track tomorrow? If you don't have other plans that is", he mumbled the last part.
"I don't - I was just going to work a little bit, but if you find me a spot in the hospitality, I'll happily take my stuff there", you smiled reassuringly as you put on your shoes and headed to the door.
"I can take you to your room", Charles got up from the bed and followed you.
"No need, my room is just downstairs", you reasoned, kissing his cheek in a silent thank you still.
"That's right - so we'll go tomorrow after breakfast?", he rested his body on the door once you opened it.
"Yes, that works for me! Good night, Charles", you smiled before walking up to the elevator.
.
Walking inside the hospitalitynwith Salvatore and the rest of the team, he was quick to show you where you could set up.
"Charles likes to spend as much time as possible with the fans and it's right about now that they start becoming more and more and they're everywhere, too", he explained as he helped you in the table on the lounge area, "there's food and coffee in there if you need anything", Salvatore smiled, "if you need anything, just ask someone".
"Thank you - this is perfect", you assured, sitting down and working on your laptop and reading some of the books you had bought.
Charles and Carlos finally arrived at the hospitality, greeting the team and talking to them for a while before they headed upstairs for a meeting.
"You didn't tell me you had a girlfriend and you were bringing her here", Carlos told Charles as he poured some coffee on a mug after the meeting.
"I don't - I haven't brought a girlfriend here", Charles quirked an eyebrow at his team-mate.
"So who is that young woman you just smiled at and are pouring coffee for after giving her the heart eyes?", it was the spanish driver's turn to raise his eyebrows.
"Oh, Y/N!", Charles smiled as he mentioned your name, "she's an old friend! Her father was a mechanic before he passed away a few years ago - the older team members have known her since she was little, everyone loves her", he mused.
"Everyone loves her - I can see that", Carlos chuckled as he followed Charles to the table.
"We don't want to interrupt or disturb you too much", Charles announced as he set the mug next to your laptop.
"It's fine, sit sit!", you encouraged as you closed the books you no longer needed to make room for them, "I'm Y/N", you told Carlos.
"I'm Carlos", he smiled back, "nice to meet you", he said before you dove into conversation, discussing anything that popped into your minds and getting to know eachother.
"Don't let her fool you into believing she has always been a responsible, put together girl because she used to steal and hide all of our tools!", Antonio, one of the engineers pointed at you after he got himself a bottle of water, "Charles knows her tricks already but you, Carlos, don't fall for that!".
"You loved it every time I was on the computers and drew on Paint! You even had one of my drawings as the background for almost an entire season!", you threw at him as he approached you, patting the top of your head protectively.
"I'd like to see that! I've only known her since she was way older", Charles pouted.
"Jealous much?", Carlos teased, his voice above a whisper as Charles seemed to get flustered.
"Is it really that obvious?", the monégasque driver mumbled once you got up to get something to eat, "I've had a crush on her since I was a development driver".
"Why have you never said anything? She seems like she really cares about you too", Carlos mused as he thought to a few moments before where you too gqve him heart eyes. He would have to be blind to not notice it, and even then the energy between you too would still be felt.
"The timing wasn't right, I guess - her father passed away almost right after as I became a driver for Alfa Romeo, and she hasn't been in the paddock since. We have texted every now and again over the years and now she happened to be here for the race too", Charles offered.
"I'd say you should take a shot - trust me, she likes you back", Carlos patted Charles' shoulder after getting up, watching you go back to the table with a big smile on your face.
.
After Charles took pole position in qualifying, the team stayed a bit longer for the debrief, going over a few points of the discussion and the changes they still needed to make before the race.
"Y/N! We're having dinner at one of our favourite restaurants in town and I'm counting you in, okay?", Charles said as he spotted you in the garage, followed by Andrea, who had been keeping you company along with his brothers, Charlotte and Pascale.
"Your family is here for you, Charles, I don't want to intrude", you said as you got up, unaware of the Leclerc matriarch behind you.
"Chérie, of course you won't be intruding - we'd love to have you there!", Pascale chirped in.
"Well, in that case...!", you smiled, "just tell me where I should go and at what time, or are we going straight there?", you wondered.
"I was thinking we could go straight there if that's okay with you - you can can come with me and Andrea can ride with my brothers", Charles suggested, "unless you need to go back to the hotel", he quickly scrambled.
"No, I'm fine! Unless this outfit is not restaurant appropriate", you muttered as you looked down. Against all odds, you managed to not get any food stains on your dress. It was a midi skirt cut, flowy to allow your body to feel cool considering the warm Italian day.
"It's fine - you're fine, you look beautiful!", Charles was quick to assure you.
"Good, that's good then", you smiled before excusing yourself to go and get your things.
"You have to tell her, Charles - your affection is no use to either of you if you keept it in here", Pascale tapped her son's chest.
.
"Y/N", Charles called you before he had to go and get ready for the race, "I have something for you - we do", he said as some of the mechanics, including Salvatore, followed him.
"Oh, what is it?", you smiled.
"We commented with some guys back at the factory that you were here with is this weekend and they found something we thought you'd like to have", Salvatore said as he handed you a bag.
Looking inside, you noticed an old Ferrari cap and some embroidered lettering on the side, recognising it immediately. When you were a teenager, you decided to try different hobbies and hand embroidery was the one that stuck the most, so much so that on one of the race weekends, you embroidered caps for everyone on the team that asked you.
"My wife remembered the one I have at home and then the guys at Maranello found your father's and apparently one you did for Charles' as well", Salvatore offered as you took them both out.
"Dad always said he had plenty of embroidered things at home and this one was the one he had to travel with him", you chuckled as tears welled up in your eyes, feeling Charles soothingly rub your back.
"I remember getting this and loving it - I thought I had lost it!", Charles said, unaware if how close he was pulling you together so he could get a peek at the old caps.
"There's some loose string here", you chuckled, wiping the tears and fiddling with the red thread, "I didn't know how to properly tie it at the start, I kept losing it - I think I even glued it down at some point. Thank you for bringing this out", you smiled.
"Would you mind if I wore this for the driver's parade?", Charles asked you.
"I was planning on wearing my dad's while I watched the race", you offered, testing the fabric and placing it on your head before doing the same with Charles, fixing it on his head and looking up at him.
You never got over how handsome he was. The little scar on his cheek, his mole, the smile that never failed to make you smile, his beautiful green eyes. His kindness, his gentleness, his talent - there wasn't a way to deny how much you liked it. How much you liked him.
"We will be matching then!", Charles squeezed you against him before going to his driver's room.
Only when Charles was headed to take P1 on the grid did he hand the cap back to Salvatore and put on his helmet, giving you a wink before he left.
"How are you feeling?", Pascale asked as she sat next to you to watch the race. Over the last couple of days, she had grown close to you, not only because you had captured her son's heart and she wanted to get to know you, but also because Charles had told her how emotionally charged it was for you to be at the track, in Monza nonetheless.
"It's a lot", you admitted, "everyone has been so kind and warm, so all of the heavy feelings have been slowly infiltrating the good ones and it's been easier to deal with them like that", you blinked away a few tears.
"I get it", Pascale nodded, "losing someone is not easy, and I can't imagine what it feels like for you - the boys and I talk about my late husband every now and again and it gets easier to talk about it, I think that's what it is anyway".
"Yes, definitely like that. My mum and I have reached the point where we don't cry at every mention - despite what you might have noticed this weekend", you chuckled.
"It's emotional, chérie - I, for one, always cry whenever the boys achieve their goals. Hervé isn't here to see them, but I know he knows, and the boys know how proud he is of them", Pascale smiled, keeping some tears at bay too.
"You raised amazing young men, don't doubt that", you let out. At this point, you were sure she had noticed or had at least an inkling. As any mechanic for the red team who knew you since you were a kid would say, you were never a good liar - anytime you said you didn't touch something, they knew to look in your backpack first.
"Thank you, dear", she added, "you know, Charles is quite careful in who he lets in, but he's never been good at hiding how much he cares about someone and I can tell he cares a great deal about you".
"I care a lot about him too", you smiled before you were handed a pair of headphones each with the race about to start.
When Charles successfully kept the cars behind him away with a good gap, you clapped and watched the remaining laps number get smaller and smaller until there was only the current lap left.
Charlotte held your hand together with hers as you watched Charles be the first driver to see the checkered flag and when Xavi yelled "And P1!" into the radio, you did your happy dance, not having a care in the world about what others thought as you watched the Tifosi erupt in cheer.
"He did it! He did it!", Pascale clapped for her son, Arthur hugging her while Lorenzo did the same with his girlfriend while you softly touched your father's embroidered name on your cap with your fingers.
Running up to Parc Fermé, you stood in the sea of red, waiting for him to come back and hug them.
"You did so well, congratulations!", you said as you pulled Charles for a hug.
"Had my good luck charm with me!", he smiled back, kissing your cheek as he took advantage of you being shielded by the mechanics and engineers.
The team celebratory dinner was going really well, everyone happy with how the weekend panned out with both drivers on the podium and enjoying the meal on the restaurant's outside patio.
"If you guys want dessert, they're going to set them out on that table and you can grab as much as you like", Fred spread the message as you could see all kinds of sweet foods being brought out, a pudding catching your eye along with some raspberries.
You and Charles got the dessert plates and served yourselves, noticing the staff was already clearing up the tables, meaning you'd have to move to the bar area, many people opting to skip dessert and get some drinks instead.
"You can see the stars so clearly tonight", you mused as you looked up at the sky, setting your plate on the high table.
"My father always said that the stars did shine brighter here, and tonight the sky is very clear", Charles hummed in agreement, looking at your face. The moonlight and the dim lighting for the lamps and fairy lights illuminated all your features perfectly - your smile as you looked up formed the dimples on your cheeks, your eyes that were a tiny bit squinty and the way your whole body seemed relaxed.
The goosebumps on your arms caught his eye though, "here, have this", Charles said as he offered you the cardigan he had carried around all night since according to him his mother made him do it because it would be cold.
"Thanks", you smiled as you pulled the sleeves and folded them around your wrist so they would fit better, "this is really comfy, I might steal this if you don't ask for it back", you joked.
"I don't mind if you keep it, you have had my heart all these years", Charles stated. There it was.
"What?", you faced him, heart beating fast inside your chest.
"It's true, I've had a crush on you since I first met you, and these past couple of days have been amazing, and I can't believe it took me all these years to realize how I truly feel about you Y/N", he told you, no stutter or sign of regret on his face.
"I haven't been around, really, it's my fault", you fiddled with your thumbs before looking at him again, "but I can't lose you again".
"You never lost me, amour", he smiled as his eyes flickered between your eyes and your lips, his hand cupping your cheek your mouth pressed on his, ignoring everything and everyone around you.
Interrupting the kiss for air, Charles giggled as you hid your face in his neck once you heard the cheers and whistles, your lashes tickling him as his arms circled your waist and pulled you closer to him.
"He wins inside the track and outside of it, Charles Leclerc, P1 to Y/N's heart!", Carlos shouted before whistling again.
"Just so you know, I want an invite to your wedding!", Salvatore pointed his finger at you, "I still remember when you invited me for your wedding with Vettel!".
"You and Seb?", Charles chuckled once you pulled away from his neck.
"Sebastian was my favourite when I was little", you giggled, hiding your face on Charles' chest this time, "when he was back in RedBull still, I asked my father to ask him if he could take a photo with me and I cherished that for so many years - it was my most prized possession!".
"I can't promise you Seb, but I can promise you the very best of me", Charles said as he kissed the top of your head.
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nalyra-dreaming · 22 hours
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Holy shit?!
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“Louis is still fighting to get to something, to unlock the memories that have curiously evaded him. "The pursuit of memory and truth is the driving force this season. It motivates Louis to get to where we're going to get to by the end of it," said Zaman. "Season 1 proved that his memory's completely shot in lots of ways, but who, or what, did that — that's the question I think we're going to have to answer."…
“It all begins with Louis, a textbook unreliable narrator, though Jones and Anderson both bristle a bit at the term. "One self delusion knits itself to the rest of your life," Jones said. He argued that Louis' memory might be "80-90 percent" correct, though it only takes one mistaken detail to muddle a timeline and cancel someone out entirely. "To unwind that, you call into question all this stuff. It doesn't mean that all this stuff isn't right. It's just this thing has altered it a little bit."
To Anderson, Louis' unreliability matters less than the vivid reality of his feelings. "It's not necessarily that Louis is a quote-unquote unreliable narrator," he said. "He is, because what he's saying is completely subjective. But I think it has just as much to do with how something felt, the feeling of a person or the feeling of an experience, than it is him actively trying to deceive anybody." That comes out most strongly in Dubai, particularly in the second season. "He's really, genuinely trying to find the closest thing to an objective recalling of events that he possibly can."…
“I like writing for Sam Reid, and I think in terms of how this thing is structured and what's going on in this headspace, it wasn't a big leap to go, 'Oh, he's haunting. He's inside Louis,'" Jones said. When we see Lestat at the beginning of the season, he manifests as what Anderson and Reid referred to as "dream Lestat" — not quite himself, not quite a ghost, not quite a memory, but some blend of all three, filtered through Louis' guilt and grief.
"Who is Louis remembering, and how is Louis remembering [Lestat] is always on my mind," said Reid when we first spoke at the Television Critics Association winter press tour in February. "I'm always thinking about it, and I'm always talking about it, much to the chagrin of pretty much everyone." (From across the table we were crowded around, Anderson heckled, "I can vouch for that.") Later, when we met one on one over Zoom, Reid elaborated, "Louis is speaking to himself, so he speaks like Louis. But he's also speaking to Lestat, and he's choosing to speak to Lestat when he's speaking to himself." The first time we see Lestat in Season 2, he materializes before Louis as a gory vision during a moment of mental deterioration, vengeful and overbearingly loving all at once. What was already a blurry line between the ex-lovers has now become indistinguishable.“…
“With dream Lestat assuming a number of dispositions, all dictated by Louis' headspace, separating dream Lestat from the real Lestat was crucial to Reid. "It's clear that Louis is putting the words into his mouth," Reid said. "Who's the guy that he's forced to see looking back at him, saying the words that he thinks he should be saying?" The presence of dream Lestat means that the state of the real Lestat is unclear when the season opens, but becoming this slightly unreal version of his character built on the groundwork Reid had already been laying. Going back to the first season, he often rejected Anderson's impulse to play their scenes together as if they were true. "I know this is not how this happened," he said of Louis' version of events, "which allowed me to kind of lean into the more sow's ear version of Lestat in specific moments, because I knew that we might be revisiting them."…
“For Claudia, Lestat's influence will always linger. "That's his daughter," Hayles said simply. "He doesn't need to be a ghost. He's in her." Louis and Claudia know each other inside and out, and Louis' love for Claudia is all-encompassing, but she sees the writing on the wall the moment he meets Armand: What happened with Lestat will happen again as Louis chooses another man over her.“
(much more behind the link!!)
UPDATE: link to the author’s tweet, Allison Picurro
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shinelikethunder · 15 hours
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i don't actually think teenage Dean Winchester would be spurned-lover-style jealous of teenage Sam's girlfriends i think based on his s1 behavior that it's far more likely he went "HELL YEAH my little brother is DATING he is going to SLAY at this and i'll make sure of it," unilaterally appointed himself Sam's wingman, had to be beaten back with a stick from micromanaging his brother's love life, and probably lovingly fantasized about all the hot chicks Sam was gonna hook up with and all the things they'd get up to because let's face it, who wouldn't fall head over heels for the guy? (speculation about kissing practice, which of course Would Not Count as anything except making sure the little nerd did their family proud, is left as an exercise to readers who are so inclined.)
also probably the closest thing to a jealous shitfit he pulled involved one (1) time Sam ditched a hunt to be there for his then-girlfriend's Important Life Event, and it'd be like 40% loudly-expressed "he should be putting his FAMILY first" and 60% ferociously-suppressed "we don't get to just DO that! if i've accepted only ever being able to date super casually for a few weeks at a time before we blow town then where the fuck does he get off thinking he can just PRIORITIZE this COMMITTED RELATIONSHIP BEHAVIOR bullshit. that i tooootally don't want or care about anyway. because it's for SISSY NORMIE LOSERS, not a tight-knit clan of ULTRA-COOL SECRET MONSTER HUNTERS like us"
like i think Dean did accept much more readily, long before he could even realize the ramifications of what he was accepting, that the way they lived meant the Winchesters' only long-term relationship option was "rampant emotional incest that we don't have to acknowledge as long as we all only bang girls," but he also canonically had all kinds of festering resentment about missing out, and was aware on some level that their lives required the sacrifice of a lot of things he secretly longed for (and made a lot of noise about devaluing in favor of What's More Important)
and the toxic cocktail of that + envy of Sam's ability to just go "nah fuck expectations i want something else" + boundary-challenged investment/enabling/policing of each other's heterosexual exploits as a bulwark between their family dynamics and The Unspeakable + freakout over the early warning signs of a difference in values on family loyalty + inchoate terror of losing him to the outside world one day + unthinking idolization and projection along the lines of "well of course this girlfriend would take him away from us and wrap her entire life around his if she could, i mean, have you met him? who wouldn't want that? this is WHY we have to keep it casual and not get girls' expectations up"...
...the entire dynamic of Dean being Sam's number one hookup cheerleader but also perceiving signs of romance/commitment as a threat... s1 Dean trying to have a hand in pushing him towards actual romantic prospects anyway, because he's worried about Sam grief-spiraling and has reluctantly accepted that the rupture in the family is about things Sam genuinely wants, even as Sam's grief is already driving him to the conclusion that they aren't worth the cost and meanwhile the brothers have spent all season bonding even closer and more claustrophobically as adults...
well, i think all that is way more interesting, and in many ways even more fucked-up, than applying bog-standard jealous boyfriend tropes to the absolute mess of their upbringing
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ghostsandmermaids · 21 hours
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Fandom Manifesto: Hello From The Hallowoods
(Originally written for the Fandomanifesto community on Pillowfort.)
Here's a (mostly spoiler-free) fandom manifesto for my favorite podcast, Hello From The Hallowoods. (Please try to keep the comments on this post spoiler-free as well.)
What is a fandom manifesto?
Inspired by ship manifestos, a fandom manifesto is an essay meant to introduce people to a fandom and promote it by explaining its appeal. It's a really fun tradition that I would love to keep going.
What is Hello From The Hallowoods?
Darker than your dreams, and farther North than you remember, there is a forest where life and death meet…
Hello From The Hallowoods is a queer horror podcast written and produced by William A. Wellman (they/them). This is the official description (taken from Spotify):
Come walk between the black pines! In this award-winning queer fiction podcast, a cosmic narrator follows the increasingly connected residents of the forest at the end of the world. It's a bittersweet story that explores queer identity, horror genre tropes, and finding hope in humanity's last moments.
It's set in a forest in northern Canada (the Hallowoods) in a post-apocalyptic world plagued by the black rains. The story follows the inhabitants of the Hallowoods—only some of whom are alive and human—as their lives become increasingly interconnected. 
The podcast is narrated by Nikignik (he/they), also known as One Hundred Eyes in the Dark, an eldritch god who speaks directly to the listener via their nightmares. He begins to tell these stories because he's grieving his partner, another god called Marolmar (he/him), and humans were the last thing Marolmar created. Over time, Nikignik changes from a more passive narrator to an active character in the story.
There are a lot of characters, including but not limited to:
a nonbinary Frankenstein's creature piercing together their identity
a trans ghost dealing with his occultist father
an invisible man finding love at first sight
a genderfluid storm witch trying to prove themself
a retired rockstar and her punk butch lesbian daughter
a floral-suit-wearing demon on a celestial audit of earth
a starwolf on a mission to kill said demon
a killer robot skull and his pet dead seagull
an unkindness of ravens (yes, they are one character)
… and many, many more.
How scary is it?
It's a horror podcast, so there are some scary moments, but for me, the story feels very comforting and bittersweet as it explores horror tropes in a really unique way. According to the website:
It's been described as a show that helps you sleep easier, rather than one that keeps you up at night.
The story also explores themes like religious trauma, isolation, death, grief, and queerphobia, so please check the content warnings at the end of each episode description or at the start of each episode transcript. Transcripts are available on the website.
Why should I listen to it?
If the description above didn't convince you, here are some more reasons why you should listen to Hello From The Hallowoods. 
There is so much content! I often complain about books being almost always standalones or duologies lately and TV seasons only being 8-10 episodes. If I really like something, I want to spend as much time with it as possible!
With HFTH, I don't have that problem because there is so much to listen to! There are currently (almost) 150 episodes available (plus a few live shows and bonus episodes), and new episodes come out every Wednesday. There are also weekly 100-word bonus stories on Patreon, and a tie-in novel called One Hundred Eyes In The Dark is currently in the works, so if you're looking for a story you can get really invested in (or if you're angry that all your favorite shows have been canceled), HFTH is perfect for you!
There are so many queer characters, disabled characters, and characters of color! If you're looking for a really diverse show, you will love HFTH. (I cried when I heard a character describe herself as aromantic.) But even aside from the diversity, the characters are just amazing. I mean, "What if Frankenstein's creature got love and support and was an absolute cinnamon roll?" is the perfect character concept. The villains are also really compelling and well-written. 
It's a great introduction to podcasts, especially for book lovers, because it often feels like a very immersive audiobook! The voice acting and music are incredible, and even though there are a lot of characters, you can tell them apart very easily by their voices. If you like fantasy and horror books, this could be your introduction to the world of audio dramas. 
That being said, if you have listened to other horror podcasts before, you will still love this one! It sometimes reminds me of Welcome To Night Vale, but the setting and characters are very unique, and the writing is so, so beautiful. 
It's also a great introduction to horror! I used to avoid horror media because I get scared very easily, but horror podcasts (and especially Hello From The Hallowoods) made me discover how much I actually enjoy horror. HFTH explores horror tropes in such a kind, unique, and hopeful way, and as sappy as that sounds, listening to it makes the horrors of everyday life a little easier to deal with. 
If you like Malevolent (another really great horror podcast), Harlan Guthrie has a guest role in HFTH! You might also recognize Mx. Wellman's voice from other podcasts like WOE.BEGONE, The Silt Verses or Old Gods of Appalachia. 
The fandom is amazing! Everyone is so kind and talented, and we always have a lot of fun theorizing about what will happen next. There's even a fan-run Discord server!
We also have a fan wiki, and in addition to the official information, we also have a "fun gender" for each character. Here are some of my favorites:
Tumblr Sexyman (Official)
Eye-Affiliated Podcast Host
Deer that will fuck you up
Whatever the hell was going on with the guy from Shape Of Water
Nightmare Personality
Hot Topic Goth
Dilf Automobile
How do I listen to it?
You can listen to Hello From The Hallowoods on the podcatcher of your choice. Here are some suggestions from the Hallowoods website:
Spotify
Apple Podcasts
Podbean
YouTube
Google Podcasts
It's not an anthology, so please listen to it from the beginning to see how the different characters and plot threads come together. 
The show is entirely ad-free and sponsor-free, so if you like it and want to financially support it, please consider joining the show’s Patreon.
And that's it! There are many things I didn't include for spoiler reasons, but this should give you a basic idea of what HFTH is about and why I love it so much. 
I hope I convinced you to listen to Hello From The Hallowoods, and maybe you will love it as much as I do!
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lieslab · 1 day
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The cut that always bleeds
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꘎♡━━━━━♡꘎ ꘎♡━━━━━♡꘎ ꘎♡━━━━━♡꘎
Pairing: Hyunjin X gn reader
Summary: After struggling with the past, you walk out of a date and ghost Hyunjin until he shows up at your place trying to figure out what went wrong.
Genre: Comfort/hurt
Word Count: 3.2K
Trigger warning: Mommy issues, depression, self-hatred, and insecurities.
A/N: To whoever requested this, I'm so sorry. I wanted to post this yesterday and then my internet crashed after I came home from work. It was awful, but anyway, I have all of this finished. It's here in all it's glory and I know you wanted comfort. Most of it isn't until the end, but it's here. Enjoy <3
_ _ _
Grief is such a funny thing. They say you can go your entire life running from it until it finds you in the middle of a sunny afternoon. Sometimes it looms overhead in the weaning hours of a dark and dreary night. Sometimes it finds you in the most unexpected places and at the most unexpected times. 
Your grief fell into your lap in the middle of a romantic evening with your boyfriend. Hyunjin sat across from you, sawing through his medium rare steak. The inside was still a light pink, not yet cooked to a well roasted brown. Oozing with a reddened myoglobin, your stomach churned at the sight of it. 
Your own piece of steak caught in your throat. You forced yourself to swallow and took your eyes away from him. Your once longing appetite slipped away from you. You placed your silverware back along your plate. 
“Mommy, I can’t get it!” 
“Can’t get what?” 
“It won’t cut!” 
The shrill voice of a child caught your attention. You glanced over to find a young girl with her mom sitting at the table across from yours. The mother was all dressed up in a black dress. The young girl was in similar attire with her jet black hair hanging down her back in a long braid. She couldn’t have been much older than ten. 
You watched in silence as the mother leaned over and began to show the young girl how to cut the steak. You weren’t aware of the tears pooling in your eyes until Hyunjin called your name. You glanced back over at him and took him in. 
His eyes were narrowed in confusion. There was a faint wrinkle between his eyebrows as his eyes went back and forth between you and the mother and child beside you. He didn’t know what was wrong, but he hated the sight of you crying. 
“What’s wrong? Are you okay?” He reached out a hand to grab yours, but you tugged your hand out of his reach. A wave of hurt flickered in his eyes. 
You forced yourself up on unsteady feet and slipped the wooden chair behind you back. The two of you came to a steakhouse just for a nice change of scenery. Hyunjin had a knack for being romantic. He liked to spoil you with fancy things now and then. 
In your opinion, this place was too fancy for someone like you. Waiters and waitresses served food from metal platters with lids. It was a form of luxury that you had only seen in the movies. The steakhouse was dripping with wealth. 
It was in the way the customers and how they dressed. The clicking of expensive stiletto heels from women and the three piece suits from some of the men. Your nicest shirt and dress pants were nothing like what everyone else was wearing. In your head, you stuck out like a sore thumb. 
“Wait, where are you going?” 
“The bathroom,” you mumbled. 
You stepped away from the table and pushed your chair in. Dazzling bright lights hung overhead and had been dimmed down. Knives and forks scraped along pearl white porcelain plates. 
The further to the back of the restaurant you walked, the more you saw things that you didn’t want to see. Couples sharing dates and plethoras of smaller groups. Wine glasses clinked and the wealth in the air made you feel faint. 
Your mother was someone you hadn’t thought about in quite a while. You tried to outrun the thoughts of the past, but it has a nasty habit of catching up. You were nothing, but a victim of your past. It kept you nailed down to a cross that you couldn’t quite escape. 
The situation began to overstimulate you. The silverware against plates were like nails on a chalkboard. The voices enhanced and became louder. It was all too much and it was suffocating. Your lungs felt restricted and you couldn’t breathe. 
You reached the bathroom and shoved the door open. You swallow mouthfuls of lemon-filled air. The tiled checkered floor was spotless. The mirror, running across the sink, remained free of fingerprints and water droplets. 
This date was a disaster, but it wasn’t Hyunjin’s fault. In the dining area, he sat at the table with the ghost of your presence. The scent of your body spray still lingered. He slowly sipped his red wine with a frown. Your steak had barely been touched and you might have taken one sip from your wine. Whatever you were struggling with, he didn’t understand it. 
He wanted to, but you had a tendency to keep things to yourself. If you kept your problems to yourself, only you had to wear the shackles of life. You didn’t have to chain anyone up with your problems either. You weren’t adding to the weight of the world on their shoulders. This was how you kept yourself safe and how you kept others from leaving. 
There was rot in your heart and you knew it. You have known it since you were a child. Maybe you were born with it or maybe it was something that had wormed its way inside you and burrowed through your body. Gnawing through organs, riding the circular waves of blood, and seeping into your marrow. 
Your mother was sure to never let you forget who you were. You were a maggot, a parasite, the worst of the worst; the lowest form of life that took others for granted. You were a mistake, a lost cause, and nothing, but the dirt on the underside of her shoe.
Nothing you could do would ever make her happy. You could beg for forgiveness on your knees. You could give her thousands of dollars. You could promise to do better, but it’d never work. Your mother’s mind had been set in stone since you were a child. Your whole life, you faced nothing, but her wrath. 
She was cruel and she knew it. Every word spat your way was another invisible slap in your face. You could rip out your heart and your own mother would thank you. She’d crush it and watch the life drain from your eyes. She wouldn’t mourn her child, she’d relish in your death. 
Your eyes began to well up faster and you brushed away the tears. Your fingers gripped the sturdy edge of the sink. You forced yourself to breathe through the urge to sob. You jerked your head back to face the ceiling and sucked in deep breaths, but it didn’t help. 
Growing up without a stable mother was difficult. Everyone deserves a parental figure. Everyone deserves maternal love. The delicacy and sweetness, the cooing and the coddling, the comfort and the sense of safety. 
Maybe you really had been cursed since birth. That right had been ripped away from you and you were left with nothing, but an ache. You could try to patch the superficial wound, but sometimes cuts need stitches. There was nothing there for you to stitch up the gaping hole. It was wide open and infected; oozing with a longing for a mother that’d never be filled. 
You could try to fill it with parasocial relationships. You could distract yourself with social media. You could read a thousand books and watch movie after movie, but the truth is that there will always be a bit of an ache. 
It will occur in moments when it’s not supposed to. It’s hard to heal from something that you never had properly to begin with. Parental love is something that’s irreplaceable. Don’t we all just want a little love? 
When the door flung open and another person entered, you jerked your body up straight. You sucked in a final breath, wiped away your tears, and you hurried out of the bathroom. You didn’t give the other person time to ask if you were alright. You ducked out of the heavy wooden door and took off. 
Weaving through the tables, you found Hyunjin with his back turned to you. The flap of butterfly wings brushed against your stomach before your stomach acid dissolved them. You pushed that giddiness away and forced your feet to move. 
He was sipping his wine when you approached. He paused mid-sip and glanced up at you. “Are you okay?” 
“I have to go.” 
“What?” 
“I’m sorry, but I have to go.” 
“Wait, I don’t understand. Did something happen? Did I offend you or something? Baby, I-” 
“Mommy, can we go to the park after this?” 
“Sure. If you really want to, we can get ice cream too.” 
“With sprinkles?” 
“Of course, with sprinkles.” 
It was the final nail in the coffin. You could feel your heart starting to burst in your chest. You found your wallet in your pocket, fumbled for cash, and slammed it down on the table in front of Hyunjin. He looked at you entirely frazzled, but you didn’t catch it. 
“I’m sorry, this should be enough to pay for everything.” 
You walked away without another word. Too shocked to stop you, Hyunjin watched you go. He didn’t know what to say to you. Did you just dump him in the middle of your date? The two of you had been dating for a while. 
All he could do was sigh and sip more of his wine. When the waiter approached and asked if everything was alright, all he could do was ask for another refill on his wine. He couldn’t understand what was going on in your head. What did he do wrong? 
Late that evening, he attempted to text you, but you never returned it. The next morning, you didn’t return his call. One evening grew into another and then another and then another and then another. 
You saw all of it; the bursts of text messages, begging for some sort of explanation. The vibrations of phone calls where his name was still left under the cheesy contact name you gave him since the two of you began to date each other. 
The longing you once had for him had turned into an empty hollowness. If your own mother wouldn’t want you, then why would Hyunjin put up with you? He deserved something better than you. Someone smarter, someone prettier, someone who wasn’t rotting from their past. He deserved better.
And you? You’d continue the sad journey of life. You were giving up the relationship for Hyunjin. He didn’t know it now, but soon he’d learn how rotten you were. You’d push him away until he’d rip off the rose tinted glasses and see the reality of what you were; a monster created with a heart of glass and gnashing teeth. What little beauty laid in the world, you destroyed it with a single touch. 
Your plan was flawless and you were executing it perfectly. Every painstaking voicemail Hyunjin left, you didn’t respond to. You didn’t bother opening them, you sent them straight to the trash. You left him text and call you because, in some twisted way, it was comforting. It was comforting that he still wanted you, despite everything. 
That was an awful way to think, but you couldn’t help it. You had always wanted to be wanted and here was someone wanting you. You wanted to give him an explanation, but you were too afraid. You didn’t want to admit that you weren’t good enough for him. You didn’t think you’d be able to get out the words without bursting into tears. 
So you let yourself rot. You got up and went to work and then collapsed in your bed. The world around you became hazy as the dark bags grew beneath your eyes. The knots in your hair became tighter and your clothes became more and more loose. You didn’t know how to put yourself back together again. 
Nearly a week later, the texts and calls stopped. It all stopped and you were relieved and yet heartbroken. Speckled confusion stained your soul. Everything was okay and yet, it was one of the worst things to feel in your life. Once again, you were alone. 
Curled up into a ball on your bed, you fell asleep. You didn’t bother curling beneath the blankets under your body. You didn’t try to fight the wave of sadness that left you exhausted. You let yourself rot again. The tumultuous state of your mind seeped out into your apartment again. 
You didn’t eat much and when you did, you didn’t have the energy to do the dishes. They were starting to overflow in the sink. Your laundry hamper was filled with clothes and bursting over the top. The trash needed to be taken out, but you couldn’t muster the will to do it. Life didn’t get to you often, but when it did, it was bad.
The banging on your door caused your eyes to open. Encrusted with sleep, you struggled to make sense of the noise. You laid there listening, but it didn’t stop. Over and over it went again and again. 
You didn’t know how long it took you to pull your aching body up. You were still hazy from the dreamless sleep. With a yawn, you stumbled to the front door, fumbled with the lock, and jerked it open. 
Hyunjin’s eyes were wide when he saw you. Your eyes were glassy and red. You must have been crying at some point. He gently stepped toward you and cupped your cheek. You blinked while trying to make sense of his sudden appearance. 
“What are you doing here?” You croaked. 
“Are you okay?” 
“I’m fine.” 
“No, you’re not.” 
“You should go.” 
“Why?” He stepped closer and crossed his arms over his chest. “Give me one good reason why I should go.” 
“Hyunjin, please, I-” 
“Did you find someone else?” 
Your face scrunched up in shock, “huh?” 
“Is that what this is?” 
“No! No, it’s not that!” 
“Then what is it?” 
Your bottom lip began to quiver. He softly called your name and gently cupped your face. “Sweetheart, what is it? Trust me, I can handle it.” 
“I don’t deserve you,” you whispered with tears glistening in your eyes.
“I don’t think that’s for you to decide. Let me in and we can talk about this together.” 
You stood in your doorway blocking the entrance. He stared at you and silently refused to budge. After a brief silent battle, you finally caved and stepped aside. He glanced around your apartment. You had drawn all the curtains, so it was nearly entirely dark; it was incredibly depressing. 
He wanted to ask, but he stayed silent instead. His eyes found you and you rubbed your eyes again. Still half asleep, you had yet to realize if this was a dream or not. 
“Are you going to tell me why you ghosted me?” 
“I don’t deserve you,” you mumbled again. 
“What do you mean by that?” 
“I’m not on the same level you are. I’m not as beautiful and I’m ugly. You’re more talented than I ever will be and I-” 
“Woah, woah, woah!” He held up a hand to stop you with wide eyes. “Honey, where is this coming from? Is that how you’ve felt the entire time while we dated?” 
It killed you. That last sentence. The truth was that he made you feel like the most beautiful person in the whole world. He made the colors around you feel brighter. Your heart grew when you were with him. It was the closest thing to normal that you ever got again. 
“Yes,” your voice came out higher. 
He recognized your dishonesty right away. “Why are you lying to me? What’s really going on with you? Why won’t you let me in? Why won’t you let me care about you?” 
Your lip quivered again. You couldn’t stop the tears from falling down. You didn’t bother hiding the sobs as you fell to your knees. Hyunjin rushed towards you and tugged you into the warmth of his arms. You cried and cried and cried some more. 
You blubbered through the situation with your mom. How the mother and daughter at the steakhouse reminded you of the past. How much you longed to be wanted and desired. The warmth of a mother that never quite reached you. On and on you went. 
By the time you were finished, you were utterly exhausted. Your head was buried in Hyunjin’s chest and he soothingly rubbed your back. A period of silence lingered between you before he spoke. 
“I’m not your mother and I can’t take away the hurt that she caused, but I can try. I don’t care what negativity she told you because none of it is true. With you around, the birds sing a little louder and the sun shines a little brighter.” 
“You have a tendency to bring love with you wherever you go, did you know what? You try to understand and make room for everyone in your life. You always listen and you try your best to help people with their problems.” 
“I’m sorry you didn’t get the mom you deserved, but your mother couldn’t be more wrong. You’re not an awful person and you don’t deserve to die. I can’t believe she said something like that to you.” 
He let out a soft sigh and closed his eyes. “You mean everything to me and I love you; all of you. Every flaw, every scar, every pore. I’ll take you as you are and not how your mother thinks you should be. You’re perfect how you are.” 
His cheek dipped down and rested on the back of your scalp. Your arms were wrapped around his ribs. Tears silently trickled down your cheeks and seeped into his shirt. 
“I’ll stay here as long as you need me to. Please don’t push me away. I want to love you like I always do and like I always have. My love for you is sincere and it’s not something I take lightly. You’re one in a million and no matter what you think, I wouldn’t be happy with someone else. I want you and that’s it.” 
After a few more beats of silence, he broke it again. “Are you hungry?” 
You shook your head, but your stomach growled at the same time. Hyunjin chuckled and tightened his grip on you. “I think you’re lying and you need food. We’re going to get food, but first-” 
Curiously, you lifted your head up. Your glossy eyes met his. His heart panged with a wave of agony. He couldn’t believe your mother had destroyed you and abandoned you with these vile thoughts. This self-hatred and insecurities, he hated that you struggled so much. 
“You know what happens to liars?” 
You shrugged. 
“They get tickled as a punishment.” 
Your eyes widened as he grinned. You scrambled and tried to get away, but he was faster. His fingers went directly to your stomach and he began to tickle you. You squirmed and laughed, trying to free yourself from his wiggling fingers. 
Despite everything, your laughter lit his heart ablaze. You were his and he was yours. He’d never stop reminding you of how much he loved you. No matter how long it took, he’d be here until his dying breath if he had to be.
| ♡.﹀﹀﹀﹀.♡ | ♡.﹀﹀﹀﹀.♡ | ♡.﹀﹀﹀﹀.♡ |
Masterlist
Requests, taglist, and inbox rules
58 notes · View notes
brucewaynehater101 · 2 days
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Hemlo! Here are some sparkles and hearts for all the delicious posts and answers!! ✨️💕❤️💖✨️✨️✨️💕❤️💖✨️✨️💕❤️💖✨️✨️💕❤️💖✨️✨️💕❤️💖✨️✨️💕❤️💖✨️✨️💕❤️💖✨️✨️💕❤️💖✨️ ✨️
I also have ✨️Questions✨️! In Tim being Bruce's Father Figure AU/headcanon, how do you think Tim's 16th birthday will play out? Will Bruce even plan it? And if he does, will this AU's Alfred go with it? How differently do you think Tim will go about tackling Bruce's lesson on paranoia? And how do you think he'll discipline Bruce after all is said and done? (I am sorry for the many questions 😅😅😅)
The sparkles are really cute. Also, don't know if it was on purpose, but urban dictionary says "hemlo" is how dog's pov says hi???
(Also, I love questions and asks so much. I sometimes take a bit to respond [cause I work nights, so my sleep schedule is whenever I can when I don't work], but I genuinely love all of them).
As far as Tim's 16th birthday, fuck. Alright. I guess this AU/hc can get some more angst. It's been too light and funny lately. Why not?
Okay.
~~~
Tim stares at the object that started it all. It's perched innocently on his desk, but the teen wants nothing more than to shatter it into dusty remains.
Bruce, his son that he willing took responsibility of, his son of three years, thought it was fit to cause Tim to have a mental breakdown. Bruce isn't aware of the true nature of their relationship. Bruce thought it was fit to cause rampant paranoia in a child.
Where had Tim gone wrong?
He thought Bruce was getting better.
Were the sticker charts, the car rides for sleep, the persistent checking for injuries, and the forced self care the wrong moves? Was Tim too harsh? Too soft? Where had Tim failed his son so that he thought this was an acceptable and appropriate set of actions? Why did Bruce do this to him?
He doesn't know.
And Alfred. He thought the two of them were on the same page when it came to parenting Bruce. Were the many discussions over tea, the late night baking, the aid around the house, and the chats during gardening for naught? They were supposed to rely on one another, inform the other when Bruce was going too far, and stop the man. Tim had so many fucking conversations with Alfred on permissive parenting and being a bystander. He thought they were in agreeance.
Not only did Alfred fall back to old and wrongful ways, but he was now an active participation in Bruce's emotional abuse and manipulation. Can Tim even trust Alfred to protect Bruce's kids from Bruce? Was Tim just special?
He doesn't know if it is worse for Alfred to target Tim specifically or for the older man to allow such actions against all of Bruce's children. Both thoughts are unbearable.
The man had the audacity to joke about Tim being of age after this clusterfuck, as if Tim hadn't been an adult in a child's body parenting an adult nearly three times his age. As if Tim hadn't aged a decade in the last three years. As if Tim hadn't done enough.
Gods, Tim is tired. He doesn't think reddit can help him out of this either.
Tim brushes a finger against the offending object as his face screws up in overwhelming grief, frustration, and betrayal. The smooth edges of the cube are cold, and his face feels hot.
He won't cry.
Bruce is a bastard, a man-child who criticized Tim for believing in time travel (as if they both hadn't seen it happen before).
It's infuriating and heartbreaking, but it's not the end. Tim can still fix this. He'll be more vigilant this time as he screws the errant pieces of Bruce's morality and judgment back together. He'll study more parenting books, attend more psychology online courses, and find a therapist he can ask parenting questions to anonymously. There's still more Tim can do.
He can still save his son from himself.
There's still time.
Tim pockets the reminder of his failures towards his son as he goes to Bruce.
He won't ask Bruce to apologize.
He can't.
It's Tim's fault, after all.
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qqueenofhades · 3 days
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Hey hilary - i really dont want to "borrow grief from the future" as they say but im feeling p lonely abt the supreme court decision looming re trump immunity. It feels like another part of my country is dying, and like the people around me are so fixated on international issues that i can't really talk about it. I dont want to just joke nervously about the impending installation of a dear leader around the water cooler - i want to be able to be as scared and sorrowful as i feel this moment deserves - and i dont want to be here alone. I completely understand if you want to step back from these topics pls feel free to ignore this ask, but would it be crazy to just make a supreme court decision meetup group? I want to really talk about this thing with people who care and understand this topic but i feel far away from an expert. Would it be insane to call the law scholar from the local school to chat?
I will say that yes, I have taken a step back from talking/posting/answering asks about politics because it is already going to be such a long year with so much nonsense to survive, and I am in a state where I need to conserve my spoons about it. This is currently what I need to do for my mental health, and as such, I do understand your need to find someone to talk about things that aren't just The Internet Outrage Du Jour, and which have a very profound impact on the future of the country. Please do what is best for you, reach out to people at the law school or trusted friends, and in my opinion, probably DON'T try to get reassurance from social media around this -- just because social media is hardwired to make you as worried and angry about all things at all times as possible. If what you want and need is conversations in the real world with real people who will bring a real-person perspective to this and not just that of the Terminally Online, by all means -- do so!
This is a tough and uncertain time for all of us, and we all have different ways of coping with it. There is so much going on, we need to find some way to filter or manage or otherwise not go totally crazy, and what that looks like is different for everyone. I may not be answering a ton of (or perhaps any) politics asks for a while, just because I too need to limit my exposure and pace myself for another f'n 8 months of 2024, but I do hope that everyone can do the same and find techniques that work for them. I am wishing you (and all!) the best. <3
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soapymansuds · 18 hours
Text
Eternity and Counting
(Pt1) This is a running piece I've nearly finished, but the whole thing is way too long to post as one chapter sooooo... This part's pretty short just for the sake of timeline splitting.
Obey me! X Angel!MC (They/Them Pronouns)
TW: Suicide, depression, self-deprecation, death, big feelings, lots of sad, everybody is crying like all the time
MC just can't handle anything anymore and takes their own life. Imagine their dismay to find even death isn't the end for them.
(Takes place in the Frost Flowers event (sorta?), with mild "that chapter where MC finds out they're the Bridge" spoilers. Can't remember which chapter that was.)
~/\~
It's so heavy. This grand weight I've been lugging around since that day. I should have died. I was supposed to die. I would have deserved it too. All I've ever managed to do was cause problems for this family. And maybe I still am. The idea almost stopped me. Visions of their faces. Their tears. Their grief. It did, actually. A few times at least. But not today. It's happened again. Everything was going just fine until that God-forsaken dog decided I would be the object of his affection. Somehow, in spite of the threat it faced to the nation, the brothers refused to just hand me over. Almost losing not just their home, but their kingdom, for my sake. Yet again wasting their time trying to save me. Just like they did when my stupid power nearly killed Lucifer. When Lucifer nearly killed HIMSELF to save me. A bitter, evil part of me is still mad at Michael for stopping me. For saving me.
My arms feel heavy as lead as I lay here, counting away the seconds. I've got nearly an hour before anybody gets home from RAD. Plenty of time to make sure I stay dead. I feel a little bad for lying about being sick to get out of classes today. But maybe I am. Doesn't matter much now anyway. Really, my biggest concern in the current moment is how long it will take Barbatos to notice the ingredients I took. Sure, he's in classes right now too, but he pops in and out of the castle all day long. The likelihood of him stopping into the kitchen and noticing the cracked cabinet door, the scavaged shelves, and finally the open jars is uncomfortably high. In my defense, the chances of that happening while I was there were equally high, so I can't be blamed for the messy crime. But he's only got a few moments more before his discovery will be for naught, so I suppose it's not terribly worrying.
I can feel it, creeping up my spine like a cold massage. The ever-growing numbness. The slow death of my limbs. My lungs. Me. It's growing darker now, unnaturally so, even for The Devildom. I can finally free them of my burden. Free myself of it too. But I would like to offer a final scorn to whatever God allowed me to hear the gentle creaking of the front door.
~/\~
(Mammon's POV)
A chill runs through my spine,like something ominous is lurking behind me, but as I turn around, nobody's there. In spite of that comfort, I can't shake this overwhelming dread coating my nerves and sinking into my bones, urging me to move. Driving me to jog home. The gentle sway of the bag on my arm becoming notably more violent as it begins swinging by my side.
My hands can't work fast enough as I try to unlock the front door. I break into a near sprint as I approach their door, slamming it open.
"MC?" I call, it's dark in their room, but I can just make out the shape of their body resting in their bed. "Oh, you're just sleeping." I mumble, walking up to their bed and setting the bag on the ground next to it.
"Hey, I gotcha some human world medicines." I whisper, pulling a few bottles from the bag. "C'mon, you gotta wake up and take some."
I can't help but roll my eyes at their lack of reaction. "Been spending too much time with Belphie." I reach up to shake their shoulder gently.
Nothing happens. So I try again, fingers gripping just barely tighter. Tight enough to feel the unsettling chill of their skin. It seeps through my fingertips and into my soul. Gripping my heart in white hot fear.
"MC, wake up." I shake them again. "MC." Their name falls from my lips like a plea. "MC please-" I grab their other shoulder. "MC!" Tears spill from my eyes, breath shaky and ragged. "Wake up!"
(Raghhhh, sorry about this)
-Your dear friend, the author
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kit-williams · 2 days
Text
Legion Mother: Lost in the Warp
Who want's some Angst?
@bispecsual @egrets-not-regrets @moodymisty @bleedingichorhearts @liar-anubiass-blog
@thevoidscreams @barn-anon
as always thank you to @squishyowl for the dividers
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The Mother of the Fourth Legion was in despair. Penelope was wailing as Robute Guilliman, her brother in law, had told her that her husband... Perturabo was dead. She knew he wouldn't lie to her... she was wailing as her attendants had to guide her back to her room.
Her adopted sons were not surprised at how she broke down at the news... they knew their mother loved their father... father had risen her from serfdom to his wife to Perturabo it only made sense given how utterly genuine she was with him. And the Captain watched as she had trembled, swayed on her feet, falling to the floor and weeping. But the Captain now snarled at the Primarch of the Thirteenth when he retracted what he said... but he realized quickly... the Iron Mother wouldn't have been able to handle the truth.
"What do I tell Ajax?" She managed to blither out between her sobs.
"None of that now my lady. You have to lead the legion now." The head attendant said holding her tightly like a mother would, "But first you must mourn." She said softly... as to them... Perturabo was suppose to outlive her... she was content with that... she was suppose to be the first of probably a long string of wives... Penelope was okay with that... she had told him that all she wanted to do was to bring him happiness.
"My Bo... my Bo..." Penelope whimpered as her makeup was running from the heavy tears rolling down her cheeks. The shock of it all running through her... perhaps later she would apologize to her sons at her reaction...
Nelly laid in her bed feeling the migraine build behind her eyes as she couldn't stop herself from bursting into tears. "Get... get me my box..." She says sitting up off to try one last hope. Her Bo was a smart man... an emergency communicator... she picked up the delicately made iron sea shell. She prayed... to what? She just prayed that he wasn't dead... "Bo..."
Demon World of Medrengard
A hateful fortress world of cruelty and industry... black spires licked the white sky and black sun but they ran so deeply into the molten core of the planet. The Demon Primarch's hatred could be felt upon the wind... his hate was enough for thousands of lifetimes. Yet there was some hatred for himself at what he had become... he was stronger than this and in a moment of weakness... a very human moment he did not want to die. His sons did not wish to lose their father and so he was now a blight upon this reality.
"Bo..." A voice sniffled... one he had not heard in a long long time. It made him inhale for the first time in millennia. The hateful winds stopped in their tracks leading to a quiet on the planet for the first time since it's rebirth as a demon world. He pulled away from his workbench slowly as the Lord of Iron's eyes drifted over to some forgotten rotting corner. "Bo please... you can't be dead." The voice sobbed cracking in a way that he was familiar with, he approached with quiet steps. His eyes looked down at a dust covered sea shell made of iron... rusted except for the pearl.
"Perturabo!" She wailed with palatable grief as it had to be true. Her husband was gone... Olympia was gone... everything she held dear was gone... all she had left was the fraction of the legion and Ajax. She had to be like Iron... she had to be there for her sons and his sons... she had to... she had too...
"Nelly...?" A voice... no not just a voice his voice spoke over the device.
She threw herself back over to the device, "Perty!"
Perturabo looked down at the rusted shell in his hand... he had all but forgotten it was there. His tongue licked over sharpened teeth as his bitterness started to gather... this was a trick... how dare they. He internally seethed at the thought of Fulgrim or Magnus or one of the petty gods using his beloved's voice against him. Still the winds of Medrengard remained calm... and that near oppressive hate was lifted for a moment causing all his scions upon the planet to turn their gaze toward his fortress. "Bo?"
"Where are you?" His voice spoke over the line as she was holding her breath holding the hands of one of her attendants and when he spoke she let it out.
"Olympia... Bo... Bo... It's gone! Please what happened?" She begged.
Before he could answer he heard the doors open and Captain Antioch speak, as Nelly had a habit of leaving the line open, Perturabo remembers appointing him to protection of the Legion Mother... he was one of the few sons truly happy for their marriage, "Legion Mother we must go. Lord Guilliman will see us at Mcragge."
"Antioch! I've gotten in contact with Perturabo, he's alive!" She said so relieved but Perturabo could taste it... he could taste the worry... he could taste the fear. The mother knew not what the son was told.
"Penelope. I will see you soon." Was all he said before killing the line. And just like that the Lord of Iron was roused... the great iron beast rearing it's head once more... few things in the galaxy could force him into action... and if this truly was his Penelope then there would a celebration to be had... for the Iron Mother had returned which also meant his son was alive as well... but Perturabo held any excitement at bay for disappointment was a taste he knew too well. For if this was not his beloved wife... his wrath would be ten fold.
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Warsmith Castor was called to his father's side. His yellow eyes looking up at him as no words were exchanged after his greeting and he waited in attention. "Castor. Go to Olympia I need you to confirm something." Castor simply nodded not daining to question his father but Perturabo simply added. "I need to to confirm if your Mother is back."
"Mother?" His yellow eyes turned brown for a moment as Caster was but a battle brother when Perturabo had married Penelope and still had to prove himself verses the trusted battle brothers that were assigned to be her personal guard.
"Yes. I got a message from Penelope... go to the system and confirm if it is her. Do not engage if it is."
"And if it is not her my lord?"
"Drag them back to Medrengard in iron. If it is her ship... then..." There was an unsaid thought... we will find her bones.
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I know a secret... The Demonette giggled as Fulgrim opened one of his many eyes in a post orgy haze.
"What secret do you know..." He said as his eyes flashed purple as the wail of sadness rushed through him. "OH! Dearest Sister in law nelly has returned! Oh... oh... " He licked his lips with cruel intent, "We certainly must throw her a welcome back party!"
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I know a secret... the blue bird crooned as Magnus looked over and he listened to his brother Perturabo... and then a relieved voice of... "Penelope..." He said as his single eye widened a part of him... some deep down part knew that she was better off dead and not seeing what the world had become.
They are trying to head to Mcragge... the demonic bird crooned. "Who knows?" Magnus pressed.
Everyone
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lostloveletters · 3 days
Text
Crimson and Clover (Bucky Egan x OC)
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Summary: Bucky expects a lot of things when he arrives at Thorpe Abbotts, but Holly Dean isn't one of them. He's not complaining, though.
Word count: 5.1k
Note: I wrote most of this in a notebook over the past 3 days so my hand hates me, but I hope y’all like this! This fic covers pretty much from when Holly and Bucky meet to about Damn Yankees (mid-May to mid-June). Title comes from the song (Joan Jett version, we're bisexuals here). Do not interact if you’re under 18, terf or radfem, or post thinspo/ED content.
Warnings: Inevitable historical and technical inaccuracies (I’m playing a little fast and loose with who was at Thorpe Abbotts early with Bucky). Depictions of grief and depression. Period typical attitudes.
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“Wait, what’s going on?” Bucky asked.
“Some of the Air Exec girls are having another typing contest,” Dye said.
“Who’s the favorite to win?”
“Dean’s won the past two, but Spinelli’s pretty good.”
He was glad to have caught Lieutenant Glenn Dye when he did. The guy had been making a beeline to the Air Exec office when Bucky joined him. His first night there, and already some kind of action—socially, at least. No one had been able to tell him when exactly he’d actually get to join McDaniels’ crew on a mission, but he was itching to get up there, even despite the weariness McDaniels carried with him.
He looked a lot more relaxed in the Air Exec office, standing toward the front of the bustling chaos with Duvall, his navigator. Bucky and Dye pushed their way through the people packed in like sardines to witness the typing contest. Dread fell over Bucky for a split second. What if that was the most exciting thing going on at Thorpe Abbotts?
A shout carried over the conversations. “Last chance to place your bets, ladies and gents!”
“Over here!” Duvall fished a quarter from his pocket. “I’m in on Pinkowsky.”
“You’re throwing your money away,” McDaniels said.
Bucky pulled a crumpled dollar bill out of his pocket and placed it in the outstretched hat next to Duvall. “Put a dollar on Dean for me.”
A young woman with blonde hair in messy twin braids and oil-stained coveralls rushed over, nearly knocking into Duvall. “Hey, did I miss it?”
“Just about to start. Hey Major, have you met Woody yet?” Duvall asked.
Bucky shook his head. “Don’t believe I have.”
“Private Woodward—Woody,” she said. “I’d shake your hand, Major, but I’d probably stain it.” She held up her right hand, covered in black grime that she made some effort to scrub out before arriving.
“Major John Egan, but everyone calls me Bucky,” he said, before gesturing to the women sitting around the office. “So who’s who in this thing?”
Of the Air Exec typists, three were competing in the typing contest that night. Nancy Pinkowsky, a Floridian, sat a little toward the back of the room, as she applied red lipstick in a small compact mirror. Leona Spinelli of Newark, New Jersey, had her heels—sleek black pumps, not regulation—kicked up on the desk of one Holly Dean, straight from the nation’s capital with the brightest smile and sparkling brown eyes Bucky had ever seen in his life.
“He bet a buck on Holly to win,” Dye said.
“You bet on Holly, and you haven’t even met her yet?” Woody asked.
Bucky grinned. “Intuition. I got a good feeling about her.”
“You’re right about that.” Woody smiled. “She’s my best friend.”
His eyes scanned the room as he tried to commit faces to memory, but his gaze kept drifting back to Holly until she caught him staring and responded with a smile that he couldn’t help but return. He moved to make his way over and say something to her, but his introduction was interrupted by the announcement for the competing Air Exec girls to get to their desks, and all spectators to shut the hell up.
Holly’s eyes met his again, only to fall to the blank page in front of her when he blinked. From the sound of just three typewriters clicking away incessantly, Bucky could tell he’d end up with a headache if he stayed stuck as Air Exec, and that would be on top of the inevitable hangovers. 
Her fingers moved fluidly across the keys, her face calm and focused, no evidence of her smile to be seen. 
He finally tore his gaze from her to glance at Woody at his side, the mechanic silently bouncing back and forth on her feet, bottom lip between her teeth. Her focus was fixed on Holly, too.
“Finished!” Holly shouted to a cacophony of cheers and groans.
Two guys walked over, one of whom had been collecting everyone's bets. Scanned the paper and muttered between themselves for an agonizing minute before one of them announced Holly had, in fact, won with no mistakes and an impressive word per minute count.
Woody bounced back and forth on her feet, excitedly grabbing Bucky’s arm. “Beat her own record!”
“Attagirl, Holly!” Bucky shouted.
Just as soon as the chaos began, it promptly ended with Holly’s win. No reason to stick around after hours any more. Don’t have to go home, but you can’t stay here, as Bucky had heard many a bartender say at last call. People slowly filtered out of the office.
A few bills and some change were shoved into his hand. “Here’s your cut. $4.50.”
He raised his eyebrows, slipping the money into his pocket. Not bad for his first night in East Anglia.
Holly didn’t recognize the man standing next to Woody, but something about him seemed familiar, comforting without the ache that usually accompanied thoughts of home, of…she figured it best not to spoil the rush of her win before she even reached Woody and met the man smiling her way. 
Woody threw her arms around Holly in congratulations, their embrace lasting a few seconds before remembering they weren’t alone.
“Oh, Holly! This is Major John Egan. Just landed a few hours ago,” Woody said, her arm around Holly. “Major, this is Sergeant Holly Dean, typing queen.”
“Quit it!” Holly laughed. “You’re the new Air Exec officer, aren’t you?” She extended her hand. “Good to meet you, Major.”
Bucky shook her hand. “Looks like you’re batting 300, Sarge. I gotta keep you on my roster.”
“Starting lineup?” she asked.
“You bet,” he said. “You’re from DC, aren’t you? You must be a Nats fan.”
“Sure am,” she said, with all the foolhardy pride of someone devoted to an ever-struggling team. “How about you?”
“Yankees.”
“So you’re from New York!”
He shook his head. “Manitowoc, Wisconsin.”
“How does a man from Wisconsin end up a Yankees fan, Major?”
“I know winners when I see ‘em,” he said with a wink. “And call me Bucky.”
“Alright, Bucky.”
The two women leaned into each other, sharing an expression Bucky couldn’t quite read. Their closeness palpable, he found himself missing Buck. Probably would’ve had something to say about his betting on a typing contest, and Bucky would astutely point out typing wasn’t a sport, receiving an eye roll accompanied by a movie star smile of amusement in return.
“I hate to be that person,” Woody said apologetically, “but we should be heading back now.” 
He nodded. "Right, well it was nice meeting you, Woody. I’ll see you tomorrow, Holly.”
“Bright and early, Bucky.”
——
Despite being in East Anglia for less than 24 hours, Bucky knew Thorpe Abbotts wasn’t anything to write home about, even if he had someone to write home to. The Rip Van Winkle village was only woken up from its slumber by the arrival of the United States Army Air Force and Red Cross. Local farmers were forced to trade a rooster’s morning crow for the roar of bomber planes as their alarm clocks. The English and Irish laborers who worked around the base considered their American compatriots novel and exotic—or a nuisance, depending on who he was talking to.
Found out there was a pub in town. Headed over with some of the other pilots and local laborers the night before. Good drinks, fun company, and a pretty barmaid. At least he wouldn’t have to rely on typing contests and the officers’ club exclusively to get his kicks. Though, if the typing contests happened regularly enough, he’d be looking at a decent payday if he kept betting on Holly to win. A guy the previous night had argued that Spinelli would win often enough, but Bucky, in all of his misguided superstition, figured there must have been something to going into the damn thing blind and making the best bet.
When Bucky got to the office, he almost couldn’t believe it was the same place that had been bursting at the seams the night before. Nancy Pinkowsky’s lips bore no trace of the bold red she painted on them. Leona Spinelli wore WAAC-issued heels, clacking across the floor as she walked over to a file cabinet. And Holly Dean’s brown eyes were dull, framed by light purple crescents below them.
Bucky frowned, making his way over to her.
“Morning, Sergeant,” he said.
“Good morning, Major.”
“Rough night?”
She gave him a tired smile. “Something like that. Did you get a chance to meet Corporal Pinkowsky or Sergeant Spinelli last night, sir?”
“Afraid I didn’t,” he said, a charming smile spreading across his face. “I’m sure we’ll all get to know each other pretty well. Major John Egan, but you can call me Bucky.”
They all seemed more controlled, stifled in contrast to the night before as they introduced themselves. Women always had personas to shift in and out of, social chameleons depending on the situation. Bucky had gotten along just fine without watering himself down for anybody, but as an old paramour of his had pointed out to him, he had the distinct advantage of being a man, and the world was far more forgiving to men with character than women, who had to shrink themselves to fit into perfume bottles, lipstick tubes, or in the cases of Holly, Nancy, and Leona, ribbons of typewriter ink.
“Looking forward to working with you, Major,” Nancy said, her long, dark eyelashes fluttering. She desperately wanted to be a flirt, but lacked the nerve to follow through. 
Always sharp, Leona hardly missed a thing. Her attention could be unsettling, too intimidating for some people unless they knew her well enough. “Nice to meet you, sir.” 
Bucky shifted his weight on his feet, looking away from Leona. 
“Oh, Colonel Huglin’s looking for you,” Holly said.
He sighed. “That sounds about right. Wish me luck.”
“Good luck, Major.”
As soon as the door to Huglin’s office shut behind him, Nancy and Leona’s focus turned squarely to Holly, their attention weighing her down. She knew exactly what they were going to ask, anticipating their disappointment at her answer that no, she didn’t know if the handsome Major was taken. She would have been surprised if he were.
“So, what’s his deal?” Nancy asked.
Leona leaned over her desk. “Yeah, I saw you talking with him last night.”
“Well, he’s from Wisconsin, but he’s a Yankees fan.”
Nancy groaned. “You know what baseball team he likes, but you didn’t find out if he has a girlfriend?”
“What, you wanna make your move after flopping last night?” Leona teased, her cat-like gaze drifting over to Holly. “Besides, he’s got his sights set on you, Holly Dean.”
Holly shook her head. “I’m not ready to even consider anything romantic. You know that. I’ll never say ‘no’ to making a friend, though.”
“He might,” Nancy said.
“Well then you ask him if he’s getting his dick wet, if you’re so curious,” Leona said, snickering at the way Nancy’s face paled. “See, you need someone more your speed. Hey Holly, he say when the other flyboys were getting in?”
She shook her head. “He didn’t mention it.”
“Geez, maybe Nancy’s got a point. Is baseball all you talked about with the guy?” Leona asked.
The women’s chattering fell to whispers when Bucky stepped out of Huglin’s office a few minutes later. Perhaps Holly hadn’t noticed it sooner, caught up in the throes of her own exhaustion following a near sleepless night, but Bucky was quite clearly hungover. He certainly hadn’t kept his aviators on inside for style, that much became abundantly clear as he rubbed his forehead. The three typists shared wordless side glances at the state of him. First day on the job and probably got chewed out already.
“Any of you know where a guy can get aspirin?” he asked. 
“There’s a first aid kit in the cabinet over there. Should be some,” Holly said.
“Thanks.”
“Of course, sir.”
They went back to typing, silently, slowly, glancing up every now and then to watch Bucky rifle through the first aid kit and promptly dry swallow two aspirin pills. He haphazardly shoved the contents back inside the box and closed it, shoving the first aid kit back into the cabinet. He retreated into his own office, presumably to sleep off whatever ailed him.
“Forget him,” Nancy whispered, only loud enough for her compatriots to hear. “He hasn’t even been here a day and he’s hungover. That’s sick.”
Holly gave her a pointed look. “Don’t be rude, Nance.”
“And he made a mess of the first aid kit.”
“I got it,” Leona huffed, getting up from her desk. “You’re such a baby sometimes.”
Nancy stuck her tongue out at Leona as soon as her back was to them. 
Holly liked them both well enough, at least more than some of the other women in the Air Exec office. Considered them friends, close enough to go out with, share some drinks and laughs, but she never quite clicked with them on the same level she did Woody. Some kind of disconnect emotionally, never quite able to meet her energy the way she needed.
The two had met in San Francisco a little over a year prior, the weekend Stan was being sent off to the Pacific. Holly went with him, glad she had in hindsight, and among the mischief they got up to their last weekend together, one of Stan’s Navy buddies, Frank, invited them to a party. Woody had been Frank’s date, and in a city bustling with women who'd signed up to help Navy or Marines, the two WAAC women bonded right away. Like the stars aligned. The best weekend of their lives. Nothing short of a relief when they were both stationed at Thorpe Abbotts.
She wasn’t quite sure how to describe her relationship with Woody. Friends didn’t encapsulate the complexity of how deeply she felt for her, the certainty with which she knew she could rely on her. She found herself hard pressed to find anyone who understood her the way Woody did.
Holly didn’t see Bucky for a few more hours, and wondered how he could possibly get shut-eye with all of the commotion. If it wasn’t the combined clicking of half a dozen typewriters, it was the talking, a whirlwind of new reports and telegrams and projects to be started and those subsequently scrapped near completion because something had changed, which then affected everything else and brought everyone back to square one.
Quite different from the law firm she worked for as a typist prior to the war. Typically kept up case files and typed up minutes and summaries for various meetings. Sometimes, the lawyers would bring her with them on the cases that went to trial instead of being settled out of court, needing a typist to sit in and record testimonies. While her knowledge of shorthand helped back then, learning the United States Army Air Force acronyms and jargon was like learning another language, not to mention the plethora of accents she had to interpret on top of that.
At least it was interesting work, important work. Kept her on her toes, like she figured Bucky would, as around noon, when she made her leave to get lunch, he emerged from his office and rushed over to her just as she was walking out the door.
“Mind if I join you? I’m still learning my way around,” he said.
“Isn’t half your job knowing where you’re going, Major?” she joked.
He grinned. “That’s the navigator’s job. I’m a pilot, doll.”
“Well, I’m no navigator, but I think I can get us to mess in one piece, as long as you don’t mind walking.”
“Not at all.”
“You won’t be saying that for long, believe me. It rains so much here, you’d think you’d need a rowboat to get around.”
“Know where I can find one of those?”
She shook her head. “What you need is a bike. They’re hard to get a hold of, but since you’re a Major and all, you can probably get your hands on one easier than most.”
“See? I’m learning from you already.”
On their walk over, it became clear Bucky’s fanaticism for the Yankees rivaled Holly’s feverish devotion to the Nationals, and when he made a joke at their expense, he almost thought she took it as a personal offense. She also made a passing remark about how if she had any doubts about city life, it had been snuffed out after a mere two weeks in Thorpe Abbotts, the countryside charm wearing off rather quickly for her. Bucky agreed, neglecting to mention he hadn’t experienced much of fast-paced, city living himself, but he knew he’d thrive in it given the opportunity. 
“So, you writing to anyone back home?” he asked when they found a table to sit at.
“Just my parents and a few friends.”
“No boyfriend?”
Her lips pressed together in a thin line. “No.”
“Hey, there’s nothing wrong with that. I mean, I don’t have a girlfriend or anything.”
“It’s not that. I was engaged but…he died.”
“Was he a pilot?”
She shook her head. “Navy. Was killed at Midway last year. His name was Stan.”
“Shit, yeah,” he said softly, “I remember watching the newsreels from that.”
“I could never bring myself to watch ‘em.”
Biggest naval battle in history. The headlines screamed it. Boisterous radio and newsreel announcers regaled the public on the heroic exploits of the members of the Navy and Marines who took on and triumphed over their formidable Japanese enemies. He remembered the restless envy that tore through his gut with each newspaper article, each newsreel—not over the coverage or accolades, but of the action. Lucky bastards got to give the enemy a taste of their own medicine while the 100th was still running practice missions. He hadn’t considered the losses very much. Didn’t have reason to until then.
“Jesus, I’m sorry, Holly. I feel like a real jerk.”
She shrugged, a weak smile spreading across her lips. “Don’t apologize, you couldn’t have known. Just make sure you hit ‘em where it hurts when you’re up there. Doesn’t matter what continent. It’s all the same.”
He nodded. “You got it, Sarge. I’m goin’ up in two days. We’ll give ‘em hell.”
“Good,” she said. Cleared her throat, tried to shake off the sadness that slithered through her like a snake. “So, where’s the rest of the 100th?”
“Got lost coming over here,” Bucky said, laughing when her eyes widened. “Hey, I’m kidding! They’re still training stateside. They’ll be here in a few weeks. June, probably.”
“Anyone single?” Holly asked, quickly adding, “Leona and Nancy wanted me to ask.”
“Off the top of my head? Crank, Douglass, Brady, DeMarco…” He grinned. “Hey, maybe you can type up a list for me.”
She laughed. “Sure I can.”
“You gotta meet Buck. I think you’d really like him.”
His best buddy. Second best pilot in the 100th, only following him, of course. The one of the greatest storytellers she would ever meet. Pretty much inseparable since they met at basic. Didn’t mention how being the focus of Buck’s attention felt like being on top of the world, could send him even higher than any of the forts did. Couldn’t think of a time he felt that way about anyone else.
“He sounds terrific.”
“Pretty square, though—“
“Square?”
“The guy doesn’t drink, doesn’t smoke, doesn’t like sports, including baseball, and he’s been dating the same dame since high school.”
“You make the last one sound like a bad thing.”
“Well, it will be for Nancy and Leona’s list.”
“Are we seriously going to make one?”
Bucky snickered, increasingly amused with the idea the more he thought about it. “Why not?”
——
If Holly minded Bucky’s company, she never said anything about it. Didn’t bat an eye when he’d tag along to wherever she was headed to every now and then. Sometimes on her own, but she spent a lot of time with Woody, and the more he was around the two of them, the more he was itching for Buck to finally make it over.
The Wilhelmshaven mission rattled Bucky. His first. Poor Duvall caught the bad end of flak and was covered in blood and barely hanging on when the fort landed back at the air base. Woody’s voice wavered when she told Holly about it, the state of the navigator. Woody was friends or friendly enough with most of the bomber boys by virtue of working on their forts, their babies, really. Being ground crew meant she also had the unfortunate burden of witnessing firsthand the aftermath of the brutality the bomber crews faced in the skies.
Suddenly, Bucky carried the same weariness Holly had seen the other men wrestle with in their own ways. She was hardly surprised when Bucky drowned his in alcohol at the village pub, inviting her and Woody along to join him and some of his fellow pilots for a nightcap, a celebration of Bucky’s first mission.
“Mark my words, Holly,” Bucky said, well into his fourth beer. “If there’s gonna be two pilots left in the sky by the end of this war, it’s gonna be Buck and me. I’d bet anything on it.”
His certainty caught in his throat when her smile didn't quite reach her eyes. 
“That’s hopeful.”
“You make that sound like a bad thing.”
“It’s not,” she said softly. “Sometimes I think too much about what could go wrong. I’m sorry, Bucky.”
A stormy melancholy hung above Holly once in a while, and though it never poured, she withdrew within herself. Some mornings, she greeted him with a shadow of the smile he always looked for as soon as he walked into the office. On those days especially, he reached out, tried to bridge the gap between them with whatever story or one-sided conversation he could think of.
He had asked Woody about it, knowing she’d be able to explain it to him better than anyone else. Only started after Stan died. Unnerved some people, annoyed others who thought she was being too dramatic, moping for so long over the man. Her behavior could be erratic, mostly self-isolating, occasionally self-destructive, but that aspect hadn’t reared its ugly head for some time. 
“I wish you knew her before,” Woody had told him quietly. “She wasn’t always like this.”
“I like her just fine now,” he’d answered, almost defensively.
“Good. She thinks the world of you, Bucky.”
His heart had jumped. Stopped himself from saying the same. 
Now, however, sitting with Holly in the small pub, He smiled, smacking his palm against the table, a mischievous gleam in his eye. “I know what’ll cheer you up. How about a song?”
“You can sing?”
“Nope.”
But he did anyway. Blue Skies. Enthusiastic. Off-key. Loud. Ran around the place like someone lit a fire under his ass while the pub erupted in cheers and heckling at his performance. 
“What the hell is he doing?” Woody asked, sitting down next to Holly, half-drunk glass of beer in hand.
“Trying to cheer me up."
Singing certainly wasn’t his forte, and adding dancing to the mix only served to make the performance worse. He crashed into a nearby table, sending glasses to the ground with shrill shatters that cut through his song. Holly’s hand flew to her mouth as she tried to stifle her laughter at the mess and the fact that he kept going. Pulled the exasperated barmaid in for a twirl, and she nearly hit him with her tray.
“He’s nuts,” Woody laughed.
Holly grinned, clapping enthusiastically when Bucky concluded the song, half out of breath, perspiration on his forehead. “Yeah, he is.”
“How about another round and an encore?” he asked when he returned to the table, pleased with himself at how big Holly’s smile was.
“Yes to another round!” Woody exclaimed. “Hold the encore.”
——
June didn’t offer a reprieve from the incessant English rain, but by the second week of the month, it brought Buck Cleven, and as far as Bucky was concerned, things were as right with the world as they could be, all things considered.
He tried not to think about the possibility of Buck not liking Holly. Knew he wouldn’t show it even if he somehow weren’t all that fond of her, ever the gentleman, good ol’ Buck. But Bucky had heard one too many guys make some snide remark about Holly and her odd behavior, her grief, to leave him with more than a few healthy grudges. Still, he wasn’t shocked at Buck’s incredulous attitude when he brought up Holly.
“Where are we going?” Buck asked from the passenger seat of the jeep.
“Quick pit stop to the Air Exec office,” Bucky said. “You gotta meet her—Sergeant Holly Dean, best typist you’ll ever see in your life.”
“Bucky—“
“C’mon, I talked you up to her! She’s keen to meet you.”
Buck shook his head. “You want me to humor your little girlfriend?”
“It’s not—Buck, come on.” Bucky scoffed. “What, I can’t have friends now?”
Buck hummed. “Sure. Friends.”
“She’s great, Buck. We should all go out sometime. You’ll see.”
“You know, Marge went to the trouble of introducing you to Peggy—”
“Holly’s fun! She makes the desk job less boring.”
“Whatever you say,” Buck said as the office came into view.
Holly swore she heard Nancy whisper “oh my god” when Bucky walked into the Air Exec office with whom she could only assume was Buck Cleven. She took in a deep breath in an attempt to even out her palpitating heartbeat. He almost looked like he walked off of a movie set. 
Then he took off his cap and smiled at them, introduced himself to Nancy first, who managed a quiet “Hello Major,” and then to Leona, whose deep eyes almost bore a hole through the pilot. Holly swallowed roughly when he made his way over to her.
“You must be Holly, then,” he said. “Buck Cleven, it's nice to meet you.”
“Nice to meet you, too," she said, glancing between him and Bucky. "I already know I’m gonna get your names mixed up, so I’m sorry in advance, sir.”
Buck smiled. “My first name is Gale, if that helps.”
“Gale’s a great name. Why go by Buck?”
“On account of this one,” Buck said, gesturing to Bucky. “He doesn’t have any manners, if you haven’t noticed.”
“He’s swell,” Holly said. “Best Air Exec we’ve had yet.”
“Heard you’ve been keeping an eye on him for me.”
“Trying my best, sir.”
“Well, he’s in one piece, so you’re doin’ a pretty good job.”
Kind and handsome—and woefully taken. But not perfect. Didn’t like booze or baseball, pretty much non-negotiables as far as she was concerned. Nancy and Leona didn’t know that, though. Neither of them had Bucky’s insider knowledge the way she did. Maybe it wouldn’t have mattered to them all that much, anyway. Most importantly, she wasn’t ready to date again. Ignored who came to mind when she thought of where she’d like to start, though. Probably ruin a damn good thing if she did.
“It was nice meeting you ladies. I’m sure we’ll see each other around,” Buck said kindly.
“Don’t be a stranger, Major,” Leona said.
Nancy nodded enthusiastically in agreement.
“You girls behave while I’m gone,” Bucky joked.
As soon as the door closed behind them, the three typists shared dazed expressions.
“Was he on that list you gave us?” Nancy asked.
“Not a chance,” Holly said. “Bucky says Buck is hopelessly devoted to his girl back home.”
Leona groaned. “That was the most gorgeously unavailable man I’ve ever seen in my life. I need to have a drink or four over it tonight.”
——
The day of Buck’s first mission, Bucky clung to Holly the way a child would a blanket during a bad thunderstorm. He felt ridiculous making the comparison between himself and her, but he knew she’d understand the uncertainty, the waiting. Didn’t say anything when he found lame excuses to keep her working in his office, unsure of how else to express that he didn’t want to be alone with himself, with his thoughts.
The practice missions were just that—practice. Though Buck took them on with all of the focus and skill of real missions, there wasn’t much risk involved. Death couldn’t reach out its cold hands and touch them quite yet, but on his first mission, Bucky swore he felt its frigid grip on his shoulder, trying to pull him away with it somehow. Learned how to ignore it by his second mission, not to see its face behind his eyes every time he blinked or hear it calling for him with each burst of flak. But he couldn’t tell Buck, no way for him to understand until he was up there and experienced it for himself. Maybe that was why Holly sometimes retreated into silence when it came to Stan.
Wondered how she felt before she got the news about Stan. Was she expecting it? Had a gut feeling that she hoped was indigestion? Blindsided and crushed? He couldn’t bring himself to ask. Wasn’t sure he could handle knowing her answer. 
Instead, they talked baseball, as she’d given him a Lou Gehrig card she got from an old pack of Big League Chewing Gum, having inexplicably brought her modest collection of baseball cards over to England with her. Had a Yankee among her more treasured cards and didn’t think twice about giving it to him. So Lou found his home among Bucky’s two rosaries and various homegrown talismans that carried his hope and superstition. Took the place of his lucky deuce which he’d given to Buck that morning, not that he’d dream of biting a corner off of it.
He scratched the bridge of his nose, avoiding eye contact with her as he said, “Thanks for putting up with me.”
“What do you mean ‘putting up with you’?” she asked. “I like being with you.”
“Yeah, me too.”
He almost couldn’t believe how close they’d become in the weeks since they met. So close that every so often, they’d be asked if they were a couple, brushing off the assumptions with laughter and the answer that no, they weren’t. Hell, even Buck assumed it before he met Holly. But really, he couldn’t think of how much would change between them if they were. Didn’t matter. He knew things would be okay if he had Holly around, no matter how that looked.
“Hey, shouldn’t they be getting back soon?”
“Shit, you’re right. I’ll see you later, Holly.”
“See you, Bucky,” she said, taking his hand in hers and giving it a gentle squeeze before releasing it. “Take care.”
He nodded silently, slipping the hand she held into his jacket pocket when he turned to leave, wanting the warm, comforting feeling to last until he could see ‘Our Baby’ approaching and finally relax. A smile spread across his face, but there was no way for her to have seen it.
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Had a realization regarding the Aware AU. The question of if Sabrina & Adrien are friends was asked and I think the answer is an emphatic yes.
Cos timeline wise, Emilie disappeared when the previous school year was still on. This was followed by the grief and then the revelation "Our parents don't care about us" crisis's, leading out the school year & a two month break.
Sabrina may not have met Adrien during the school period, but during the break. When Adrien's actively agitating to get out, when Chloe is aggressively trying to both reinvent herself and generally distance herself from her parents. That's when she'd meet him and given how easily Adrien makes friends its easy on his end.
For Sabrina it'd also be a neat experience cos if we go by season 1 she was both very game for anything and also really liked the idea of her & Chloe being thick as thieves. Chloe tended to stamp the breaks on that and remind her who was leading, IE the "We're awesome- sorry you're awesome" thing.
Here though?
That's less of a thing.
Not to say its not present, if anything overcoming her dynamic with Sabrina would likely be one of the hardest things to do. But she also pointedly cares about their relationship and Sabrina idolizes her so there's no shortage of second chances.
Plus she'd be actively trying to cut out some of her more overtly unfair behaviors by virtue of them being mimicry as opposed to her trauma bleeding through. So while she might need practice, some things do get intentionally ignored or rejected to make a point. "No Sabrina's not my assistant she's my friend and probably way smarter than you, Felix."
Adrien's presence would also help in this regard. He'd not see the dynamic itself as inherently terrible. Its Andrey & Audrey, Emilie & Gabriel, even himself & Chloe to an extent. A more gentle accommodating (Weaker) personality being led by a more aggressive, bold (Strong) personality.
His main contributions would be just highlighting when she's acting too much like her parents, especially Audrey & otherwise serving as a buffer for when she's too prickly to be anything but hostile. With the former call out leading Chloe to usually reverse course change thrusters and circle back and the latter giving plenty of bonding time.
Plus, Sabrina's respect for authority is pretty much only respect for Chloe's authority. So she'd be very happy to help in any scheming and generally be down for whatever they are up to in easy defiance of Gabriel or Andre.
So yeah I think they'd definitely be friends by the time school rolls around.
How cognizant she'd be to their situation or what brought the changes on... I think she'd have picked up enough clues that she knows their parents suck & they realized their parents suck & are now essentially in a constant state of low grade rebellion.
The specifics, extent or ways this manifest in issues would be harder to parse given her general reverence/dedication to people she likes/admires. But I imagine she'd have a pretty decent grasp of Adrien's situation mechanically, and knows/deduces far more of Chloe's than she realizes.
Honestly I love Adrien and Sabrina friendships and I really need to write more of that.
Also while Sabrina isn't in the 'rich' club she can be put in the 'oh I realized my dad sucks' club.
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homestuckreplay · 2 days
Text
pied in the face by my clown father
(Pages 91-96)
John and Dad's Strife continues, even while we can no longer click the buttons. What I love about this scene is how well matched they seem to be - the narrator says 'Looks like DAD will enjoy the prankster's gambit on that exchange, as is usually the case.' (p.92) but honestly, I think that's unfair to John. He's holding his own, equipping his disguise again just in time, stealing the pie tin from Dad so he can't magically fill it with another cream pie - and, well, the finishing move with ejecting Sassacre's was a lucky break, but maybe it's luck John can learn from for future encounters.
Speaking of Sassacre's, this is the third time where the weight of the tome and its ability to crush something has been relevant. On page 32, 'Good grief this thing is huge. It could kill a cat if you dropped it.' When we learn about John's nanna on page 52, 'A tall bookshelf. A ladder. An unabridged COLONEL SASSACRE'S.' And now its far more harmless, yet thematically linked, activation of the smoke pellets. It's a shame John already allocated hammerkind to his strife specibus, because Sassacrekind would probably be really effective, and very appropriate for his character. I have a lot of questions about the limitations of the strife specibus, and this raises a new one - is John capable of using any item as a weapon if it isn't a hammer? Could he hit someone over the head with Sassacre's still, or eject it from his sylladex to crush them? Or is he completely unable to damage someone with it, and can only use it as defense or utility?
Items being ejected is also a new use of the sylladex - I kind of assumed that the inventory just wouldn't accept any more items once it was full, [thanks to @tenaciouschronicler for the correction - we did actually see this already! silly me forgetting the tutorial so soon] but high speed blasting away the item on the last card is much funnier. It's also more helpful, as John can access the items on both the first and the last card, so long as what's on the last card isn't especially fragile. I wonder if John will be less angry at his sylladex now that it's actually helped him out. Probably not - his hatred seems to be more irrational than that, and he's not going to be in a good mood now that he's stuck with this giant cake - but we'll see.
Are we finally going to get Sburb tomorrow? Is John's path to the game and back to his computer undisturbed? Or is some other nefarious obstacle going to get in John's way once again?
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f4iry-bell · 18 hours
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Before I tell you about my request, I have to acknowledge that you are so FREAKING amazing at writing!!
Don't know if you've already done these before, but Jameson's POV of when he first met Avery, during the will reading, when he first snuck into Avery's room, and when Avery was leaving Will Blake's ranch in tfg. It's probably a lot, but I've been wanting to read about these for a while and I also know a good writer who is capable of doing that. Also, just know that I'm probably going to request you many more things to write about.
first of all I'm HONOURED. THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR TRUSTING ME. second of all, i really hope this satisfy you and is enough 😭😭I'm no jlb, this is completely of what I think jameson would have thought from my understanding. if you think otherwise please do let me know. again, it's completely from my understanding of jamie's character. also sorry it took so long.
NOTE: all four parts are here. pretty long. some copy pasted dialogues!!!!!! hope you enjoy.
Jameson meeting Avery for the first time.
It was not easy for the Hawthornes, everyone grieved in their own way. But for some reason the grievance was put aside today by everyone, Jameson would like to say he has put it aside as well but the bottle in his hand and the obvious intoxication would say otherwise. It is not a good idea to get drunk during an important time like the reading of the will of the great Tobias Hawthorne, and it's definitely not a good idea to leave your family hanging while one sits at the edge of the balcony, only supported by the railing. But that's exactly what Jameson Hawthorne did.
His mind was all over the place looking for something, something that would give him the thrill more than sitting at the edge of the balcony, drunk. He might have been wrong, but there was a two out of ten chance that he may be right. He refused to look away from the brown haired girl who was standing in the backyard, completely mesmerised by the Hawthorne backyard. As she took in the view he took in her features and movements. He finally decided to interact in the only way he knew to find out what she is.
“If yes is no and once is never , then how many sides does a triangle have?” His words slurred but it got her attention. She looked up to him, bending her neck backwards.
“You’re going to fall.” She told him.
He smirked. “An interesting proposition.”
“That wasn’t a proposition,” She said.
He offered her a lazy grin. “There’s no shame in propositioning a Hawthorne.” Jameson’s smirk grew a bit wider when she noticed that he was shirtless.
“You must be Mystery Girl,” he said.
“I’m Avery,” She corrected.
She looked at him like anyone who knew what recently happened in the Hawthorne family would look at him, wondering why his face was anything but filled with grief. He wouldn't blame her for being a little judgemental. He is very good at grieving in his own way and an expert at hiding it.
“Whatever you say, M.G.,” he retorted. “Can I call you M.G., Mystery Girl?” He was trying to taunt her at this point.
She crossed her arms. “No.”
He brought his feet up to the railing and stood. He wobbled, he could see her thinking about something with worry and panic when he put one foot in front.
“Don't!” But he didn't listen to her. He twisted and grabbed the railing with his hands, holding himself vertical, feet in the air and dropped. He landed right next to her.
“You shouldn’t be out here, M.G.” He told her.
“Neither should you.” He can tell that her heart is beating fast. It was so obvious. Janeson’s heart was racing too, he told himself that it was because of the stunt he just pulled.
“If I do what I should no more often than I say what I shouldn’t”—his lips twisted—“then what does that make me?”
She sighed like she just realised who he is. She was taking in his features to make sure, especially his eyes, and his abs.
“What,” he repeated intently, “does that make me?”
“Drunk,” She said. Jameson was about to say something else, he was ready with a comeback but she added two more words. “And two.”
“What?” Jameson Hawthorne said.
“The answer to your first riddle,” She told him. “If yes is no and once is never , then the number of sides a triangle has… is… two .” She didn't explain her answer, she didn't have to.
“Touché, M.G.” Jameson ambled past her, brushing his bare arm lightly over mine as he did. “Touché.” He was impressed and intrigued.
Two out of ten, this time the odds were in his favour. And now that Jameson Hawthorne got the answer he wanted from this Mystery Girl, he has no plan to leave her alone. That moment he knew she was special. And his grandfather brought her here for a reason. He will find out why.
The Will Read
Jameson made his way to his wing and managed to find himself a shirt and suit jacket. He checked himself in the mirror once before heading to The Great Room. Once he was inside his eyes looked for a specific pair of brown eyes but he realised Avery hadn't arrived yet. He went further inside and stood with the rest of his family. Soon he watched Avery make her way inside and made eye contact with him. He immediately gave her a cheeky smile and a salute, he can also noticed Grayson stiffened at his action through the corner of his eyes.
Once the lawyers made sure everyone who is mentioned in the will was in the room they started. First, they handed an envelope to everyone in the family and to Avery as well. They were asked to open the letters after the will reading. Jameson is already curious about his letter and what the old man has to say to him and to Avery Grambs. His eyes were fixated on her envelope for a whole minute before focusing on the reading prudently.
“Mr. Hawthorne stipulated that all of the following individuals must be physically present for the reading of this will: Skye Hawthorne, Zara Hawthorne-Calligaris, Nash Hawthorne, Grayson Hawthorne, Jameson Hawthorne, Alexander Hawthorne, and Ms. Avery Kylie Grambs of New Castle, Connecticut.”
Everyone's eyes including a pair of green ones were on her. Avery Kylie Grambs.
“...To my daughters, Zara Hawthorne-Calligaris and Skye Hawthorne, I leave the funds necessary to pay off all debts accrued as of the date and time of my death.” Mr. Ortega paused before speaking, he looked directly at Zara and Skye then back to the will.
“Additionally, I leave to Skye my compass, may she always know true north, and to Zara, I leave my wedding ring, may she love as wholly and steadfastly as I loved her mother.” Another pause, more painful than the last.
“Go on.” That came from Zara’s husband.
“To each of my daughters,” Mr. Ortega read slowly, “beyond that already stated, I leave a one-time inheritance of fifty thousand dollars.”
Jameson wanted to smile but he knew better, just like how he knew that his mother and aunt won't be the one holding the old man's entire fortune. It's not a surprise, none of them should be surprised that the person who would be taking the fortune would be the heir apparent, his brother, Grayson Devenport Hawthorne.
There was a mini quarrel between Zara and Skye on how Jameson and his brothers became the old man's favourite, how Skye gave them to him so that her sons would have the inheritance.
“Now, if I may continue…” Mr. Ortega looked back down at the will in his hands. “To my grandsons, Nash Westbrook Hawthorne, Grayson Davenport Hawthorne, Jameson Winchester Hawthorne, and Alexander Blackwood Hawthorne, I leave…”
“Everything,” Zara muttered bitterly.
Mr. Ortega spoke over her. “Two hundred and fifty thousand dollars apiece, payable on their twenty-fifth birthdays, until such time to be managed by Alisa Ortega, trustee.”
Everyone heard Alisa’s audible shock. Unlike his brother Grayson who was utterly shocked and threw knives for the word ‘what’ Jameson Hawthorne thought that this is getting interesting.
The old man didn't leave everything to Grayson like everyone thought the old man would because of the way he was groomed. Or to Nash, or to Xander, or to me. There is only one person left in the will. There could be two things happening right here, and if his guess is right…
“The remainder of my estate,” Mr. Ortega read, “including all properties, monetary assets, and worldly possessions not otherwise specified, I leave to Avery Kylie Grambs.”
And it was indeed right, if you're smart you would have seen this coming right after they read that Tobias Hawthorne didn't leave his fortune to his daughters or his grandsons. The only blood related heirs. But now? A new heiress. Not blood related as far as he knows. She is not a random girl. He knew his grandfather too well to know that he wouldn't randomly write his entire fortune to a stranger. This is something. He doesn't know what she is yet. But he will find out.
Everyone's demeanour changed, especially Skye and Gray's. Not surprised. Even Avery’s, she is in utter shock, he can only say that much.
“...I assure you, there is no mistake.” Mr. Ortega met my gaze, then turned his attention to the others. “And I assure the rest of you, Tobias Hawthorne’s last will and testament is utterly unbreakable. Since the majority of the remaining details concern only Avery, we’ll cease with the dramatics. But let me make one thing very clear: Per the terms of the will, any heir who challenges Avery’s inheritance will forfeit their share of the estate entirely.”
“No will is that ironclad,” Constantine said, his voice acidic.
“Not when there’s this kind of money at stake.” “Spoken,” Nash Hawthorne interjected, “like someone who didn’t really know the old man.”
“Traps upon traps,” Jameson murmured. Trying to look into the old man's mind about this context. Trying to look into her mind. “And riddles upon riddles.” He looked right into Avery's eyes looking for something.
“I think you should leave,” Grayson told me curtly. An order. Typical Grayson.
“Technically…” Alisa Ortega sounded like she’d just swallowed arsenic. “It’s her house.”
“I don’t understand,” She said.
“My daughter is correct.” Mr. Ortega kept his tone neutral. “You own it all, Ms. Grambs. Not just the fortune, but all of Mr. Hawthorne’s properties, including Hawthorne House. Per the terms of your inheritance, which I will gladly go over with you, the current occupants have been granted tenancy unless—and until—they give you cause for removal.” He let those words hang in the air. “Under no circumstances,” he continued gravely, his words rife with warning, “can those tenants attempt to remove you.”
Oren stood between us and her.
“Oren!” Zara sounded shocked. “You work for this family.”
“I worked for Mr. Hawthorne.” John Oren paused and held up a piece of paper. It took me a moment to realise that it was his letter.
“It was his last request that I continue in the employment of Ms. Avery Kylie Grambs.” He glanced at her “Security. You’ll need it.”
“And not just to protect you from us!” Xander added to her left.
“Take a step back, please,” Oren ordered.
Xander held his hands up. “Peace,” he declared. “I make dire predictions in peace!”
“Xan’s right.” Jameson smiled, he knew it and he knew that he is not wrong about this. A random girl picked out from a random place far from home to be The Hawthorne Heiress, this isn't something regular, this a game. One of the old man's games. “The entire world’s going to want a piece of you, Mystery Girl. This has story of the century written all over it.” He reminded her about the media and how the world is going to talk about her.
Avery didn't say anything, she walked outside. He wanted to follow her but instead he opened the envelope that was held by him.
Jameson going to Avery’s room through the secret passageway
Avery didn't stay at Hawthorne House that night, he assumed her bodyguard and lawyer took her to one of the hotel's that was owned by Tobias Hawthorne and now hers. He saw her later the next day solving the keys, yet another game that proved that she is special, she solved it faster than any Hawthorne to start with. That night Jameson read his letter again and again, it took him one read to realise it was a clue, he can't help but read it again to see what it says, where it leads. But he also knew this would be nothing without the major clue, a walking brown eyed clue.
If he was a normal person he would have knocked on her door. Jameson Hawthorne is anything but normal. He walked into her wing and moved a picture frame to solve a simple puzzle to release a handle that popped two inches away from the drawer nearby the picture frame, he pulled it and twisted it four times to make the drawer and the wall it was attached to open.
Secret passageway. It was everywhere in Hawthorne House.
He made his way inside and made his way to his grandfather’s room, now owned by Avery. Once he was close to the fireplace he heard nothing, almost thought she wasn't there. But he gave it a shot anyway.
“Pull the candlestick.”
He wasn't sure if she heard because it was dead silent. So he spoke again “Pull the candlestick on the fireplace, Heiress. Unless you want me stuck back here?” His tone was frisky.
“Pretty sure this qualifies as stalking.” His lips curved into a smile once she said that.
He can tell that she was just pulling it. “Don’t just pull forward. Angle it down.”
She did as he asked. Once he heard the click and saw the gap below, Jameson lifted the fireplace up to the mantle to go through the opening. Once he was in the room he positioned the candlestick back to it's original form.
“Secret passage,” he explained to know if it intrigues her. “The house is full of them.”
“Am I supposed to find that comforting?” She asked him. “Or terrifying?”
“You tell me, Mystery Girl. Are you comforted or terrified?” He let me sit with that for a moment. “Or is it possible that you’re intrigued?
She didn't say anything but he knew the answer. She didn't ask him what he expected her to ask.
“You’re not asking about the keys.” Jameson offered her a crooked little smile. “I expected you to ask about the keys.”
She held the keys up. “This was your doing.” Not a question, he noted.
“It’s a little bit of a family tradition.” He said with a motive. He has done nothing but think about the will reading and raise questions to himself, whys and hows.
“I’m not family.” She tried to make a statement but wasn't sure herself.
He tilted his head to one side. “Do you believe that?”
“I don’t know.” She thought before she spoke. Does she know something? That was Janesons first thought.
“It would be a shame,” Jameson commented, “if we were related.” He spared another smile for me, slow and sharp-edged. “Don’t you think?” Jameson is good at a lot of things, flirting is definitely one of them.
“I think that you already have more family than you can deal with.” She crossed my arms. “I also think you’re a lot less smooth than you think are. You want something.”
Points to Heiress. She's quick.
“Everyone is going to want something from you soon, Heiress.” Jameson smiled. “The question is: How many of us want something you’re willing to give?” He spoke in a way that would make her want to give into him. But her resistance was stronger than he thought.
“Stop calling me Heiress,” She shot back. “And if you turn answering my question into some kind of riddle, I’m calling security.”
“That’s the thing, Mystery Girl. I don’t think I’m turning anything into a riddle. I don’t think I have to. You are a riddle, a puzzle, a game—my grandfather’s last.” He spoke and looked at her very intently. He didn't care how it sounded to her, he was sure of what he believed to be true.
“Why do you think this house has so many secret passages? Why are there so many keys that don’t work in any of the locks? Every desk my grandfather ever bought has secret compartments. There’s an organ in the theater, and if you play a specific sequence of notes, it unlocks a hidden drawer. Every Saturday morning, from the time I was a kid until the night my grandfather died, he sat my brothers and me down and gave us a riddle, a puzzle, an impossible challenge—something to solve. And then he died. And then…” Jameson took a step toward her. “There was you.” He tried explaining to her how Hawthorne House is, how his grandmother was. Why his grandfather chose her wasn't random.
“Grayson thinks you’re some master manipulator. My aunt is convinced you must have Hawthorne blood. But I think you’re the old man’s final riddle—one last puzzle to be solved.” He took another step, bringing the two of them much closer. “He chose you for a reason, Avery. You’re special, and I think he wanted us—wanted me —to figure out why.”
This point he was convinced that she was a puzzle to be solved or a clue that would lead him to something. Something his grandfather wanted him to find, to know. Because the old man knew damn well that Jameson Hawthorne could never resist a game.
“I’m not a puzzle.” Her heart was beating faster because of their closeness or because of what he's saying.
“Sure you are,” Jameson said. “We all are. Don’t tell me that some part of you hasn’t been trying to figure us out. Grayson. Me. Maybe even Xander.”
“Is this all just a game to you?” She put her hand out to stop him from advancing farther. He took one last step, forcing her palm to his chest. That touch shouldn't have excited him, even if it did, he didn't concentrate on it.
“Everything’s a game, Avery Grambs. The only thing we get to decide in this life is if we play to win.” He reached up to brush the hair from her face, and she jerked back.
“Get out,” She said lowly. “Use the normal door this time.”
“You’re angry,” Jameson said. Making her angry isn't helpful, if she's angry with him she may not help. Or see that this is a game, and she is a piece of it.
“I told you—if you want something, ask. Don’t come in here talking about how I’m special. Don’t touch my face.”
“You are special.” Jameson kept his hands to himself, but the heady expression in his eyes never shifted.
“And what I want is to figure out why. Why you, Avery?” He took a step back, giving her space. “Don’t tell me you don’t want to know, too.”
She does, she wants to know. She must.
“I’m going to leave this here.” Jameson held up an envelope. He laid it carefully on the mantel. “Read it, and then tell me this isn’t a game to be won. Tell me this isn’t a riddle.” Jameson reached for the candelabra, and as the fireplace passage opened once more, he offered a targeted, parting shot. “He left you the fortune, Avery, and all he left us is you.”
Avery coming out of Vincent Blake’s mansion (tfg)
Jameson wouldn't forgive himself if something happened inside, if someone happened to either of them. Avery and Grayson. Especially Avery because he let her go inside, knowing the kind of man Vincent Blake is. His heart could pop out any second, it was beating that fast. He tried to keep it cool with all the paparazzi outside. He kept looking at the gate, waiting for her. For her to come out alive and bring his brother, maybe Toby even. Whatever is happening inside, he prays that she is winning. Somehow she must.
His heart skipped a beat once he saw Avery come out with Grayson and Toby. He wanted to run and hug her, he didn't care that they'd cause a scene. but he stopped himself because he saw Toby talking to her, he slowly made his way to them and the car. To let her know he was there. He also let her have her moment with Toby.
He didn't know what happened inside, but from the look of it he can tell that Avery won. Whatever game they played, however she played, she won. And she was safe along with Grayson. That's all that mattered to him at that moment.
When she made her way to him, he didn't ask her what happened. “The knight returns with the damsel in distress,” Jameson declared. He glanced toward Grayson. “You’re the damsel.”
“I figured,” Grayson deadpanned.
“What are you doing here?” She asked Jameson. He can see the victory in her eyes, she was more open with him now that the first time they met. It was getting easier to tell what she was thinking.
“I thought you could use a ride home,” Jameson told her. She looked past him, expecting to see a helicopter.
“Pretty sure you aren’t allowed to land a helicopter there,” Grayson told his brother.
“You know what they say about permission and forgiveness,” Jameson replied, then he focused back on her with a familiar look—equal parts I dare you and I’ll never let you go. “Want to learn to fly?”
Avery smiled and took his hand. He still didn't ask her what happened, he just enjoyed her victory in the air. Just Avery and Jameson.
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trans-cuchulainn · 3 days
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hello and welcome to the niche corner
hello i'm néide and this is my blog, which mostly consists of me being grumpy about niche things. i have multiple degrees in medieval irish literature and while sometimes i use these to be vaguely educational, more often i use them to write incredibly specific fic about characters nobody else cares about, and this fic can be found on ao3 (for logged-in users)
so this is a guide to my incredibly specific fanfiction, which i feel also gives a reasonably good introduction to the kind of thing i'm likely to be yelling about on this blog
i am reliably informed that you don't actually need to know anything about the source material to have fun with these fics (or suffer from the angst), but also they can be more fun if you do. some have bibliographies/refs/explanations so i also know a few people have used them as a way to get started with medieval Irish lit which will never not be extremely funny to me
current WIP: chasing someone else's dream (16k, WIP): a cú chulainn/láeg reincarnation fic. they have been reincarnated, not for the first time. they've also been cursed, and thus, unlike in every life before this one, they've never met. ngl this fic contains some of the best prose i ever wrote, please read it
group chats of the ulster cycle, or, the in loco parentis series
a modern AU of the ulster cycle. sort of a college AU, turned into a ballet AU halfway through. consists of:
in loco parentis (135k, complete): my magnum opus. cú chulainn and láeg are university flatmates; group chats featuring all your favourite ulster cycle characters and also some you probably never gave a shit about; cú chulainn as a tiny trans ballet dancer and ferdia as his pas de deux partner; baking; everybody hating on conchobar; nobody dies; way more feelings about both ballet and shostakovich than anybody was expecting, including me; and much more. comes with explanatory notes / bibliography because i'm just Like That
getting the dee (9k, in progress/abandoned): a prequel to ILP, sort of a longes mac nuislenn fic except nobody dies and there are more sex toys. naoise/deirdre with guest appearances from conall. one day i'll go back to this but also i'm a coward
valentáin's day (4k oneshot, complete): a prequel to ILP, featuring láeg and cormac in the pub on valentine's day making fun of all their friends in relationships. they make out, fortunately their friendship survives the experience.
and when you move, i move (2.5k oneshot, complete): a sequel to ILP. just a horny lil cú chulainn/ferdia oneshot set a few months after ILP wraps up.
miscellaneous ulster cycle oneshots
i will be honest, most of these are sad fics of oidheadh con culainn ("the death of cú chulainn") because i just love writing angst, but there's a couple of others in there
to walk this world alone (6k): extremely niche fic featuring láeg after cú chulainn's death. some otherworldly happenings. sad but not as sad as it was originally going to be.
counterweight (3k): cú chulainn/láeg during oidheadh con culainn, anticipating cú chulainn's death. this one's pretty sad too.
dindsenchas (3.5k): missing scenes between cú chulainn and láeg during táin bó cúailnge. narrated by the landscape of ulster and addressed in second person to cú chulainn himself because the best sex scenes are the ones narrated by a tree.
in one dwelling place (2k): láeg/cú chulainn/emer. vaguely smutty, vaguely fluffy.
we'll say goodbye, today (2k): cú chulainn and láeg during oidheadh con culainn, anticipating cú chulainn's death. big sad hours.
glorious as the sunrise (3k): this is just angst. cú chulainn/láeg during oidheadh con culainn again. not particularly shippy but they love each other very much.
a marriage of inconvenience (3k): modern AU. cú chulainn wants to marry emer but unfortunately never bothered to get divorced after he married láeg for househunting purposes. a very silly fic.
of grief and glory (1.7k): cú chulainn deals with the aftermath of táin bó cúailnge, especially fer diad's death. more sad times lol.
flight risk (2.3k): teenage cú chulainn and láeg steal a spaceship. they get caught. fun scifi AU.
other medieval lit fics (non ulster cycle)
patron saint of toasties (2.5k): finn cycle fic. oisín took time out of uni to travel and now all his friends have graduated and he's lonely enough to text the christian union's "text a toastie" hotline. which is how he meets patrick. very silly modern AU gen fic mostly taking the piss out of st patrick
two birds of a feather (2.8k): yonec (marie de france) | togail bruidne da derga crossover fic. bird dad support group. conaire and yonec hang out and bond over their dads having maybe been birds. stupidest thing i ever wrote and i adore it.
quiver and shake (1.8k): fourth branch of the mabinogi fic. gwydion and gilfaethwy's special brotherly bonding time. canon typical content warnings apply.
other
absent thee from felicity (11k, WIP): hamlet | romeo & juliet crossover modern AU in which horatio and benvolio attempt to deal with the aftermath of their respective tragedies. sad at first, will gradually get sillier. haven't updated in a couple of years but that doesn't mean it's permanently abandoned, i'm just busy
if you've never read any of my fics before and are wondering where to start, i firmly believe the reincarnation fic (current WIP) is a good one because it has a solid mix of angst, shenanigans, and weird fuckery, so you can experience the tonal whiplash of the rest of my fics all in one place! but it is a WIP and i make zero promises about upload schedule, it happens when it happens, so not so good if you're impatient haha. plenty of others to get you started though
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theminecraftbee · 20 hours
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Hey I'm thinking of reading scs but there are some things I. Don't want to think about, could you give me a trigger warning list or something if its needed? /nf ofc
uhhhhhh I am bad at putting tags on my own fics for the record; my own fics are basically always within my own limits and I’m bad at guessing other people’s! if anyone ever needs me to provide specific spoilers for a fic of mine feel free to dm me (or send an ask off anon so I can respond privately) and I can give way more detail on any specific thing you’re trying to get information on without trying to be coy about major spoilers.
however, if I had to make a general trigger warning list, probably something like:
dehumanization (human weapon fic, genre-typical amounts.)
misgendering (largely accidental but still pointed out within the plot.)
deadnaming (KIND OF. it’s not on a literal level deadnaming, but everyone who has read it has read it as this, the metaphor is not unintentional, there’s a reason I tagged it.)
major character death (this one is… complicated, I joke in the tags that it’s a matter of philosophy, but death and grief are huge themes and the fic has an answer to the philosophical question here that leads me to go “yeah this one needs a mcd tag”, because people who hate mcd will probably want to avoid this one. that said the character who may or may not be dead it’s complicated becomes so before the start of the fic, not during it.)
body horror (typical for me levels.)
some amount of gore and violence (still well within t-rating levels, I didn’t wobble about the rating for this one like I did for stuffed bird.)
references to torture (it is not on-screen.)
if anyone else has anything I missed please let me know! as I said, I’m not always great at giving content warnings for my own stuff, haha.
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x-liv25-jamieswife · 22 hours
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DUDE UR AMAZING!!!! PLEASE WRITE AVERY DEATH REACTION HCS ASAPPPPPPP
sure! AND THANK YOU SO MUCH. not proof read. hope you like them<3.
jameson: jameson would be absolutely destroyed. he'd drink away his feelings and wouldn't even pretend to be fine like he usually does. he'd drink so much, he'd end up in the hospital in comatose (it's up to you if he dies or not). he'd never leave her grave. he'd sleep, drink, eat (when he remembers) there. it got so bad, nash, xander, and grayson had to intervene. they physically had to drag him away from avery. it broke their hearts, but they knew they had to. they'd try to get him to get therapy but nothing would work. he'd also blame himself and wish he was the one who died instead. when he's not drinking or at her grave, he's in his bed.
grayson: her death would hit him really hard. he would try to work to forget everything, but wouldn't be able to. although he doesn't love her romantically, he does love her like a sister so her death would affect him like any of his brothers' deaths would. he'd also blame himself for not protecting her. he'd also be really affected by jamie and his grief. like i said, jamie would let himself rot away, and grayson wouldn't be able to stand seeing that. he'd visit her grave often to leave her flowers, and he'd also visit her mom's grave for her (he knows that they're probably together in the after world, but he still does it).
xander: for him, i'd say pretty much the same thing as in all of my other posts. he'd try to make everybody (including himself) feel better with his jokes and gadgets, but would fail. he'd sit in avery's room a lot, wondering where she was now and how she was doing. he'd visit her grave to leave scones and keep her company. his grief got so bad that he had to convince himself that she was still alive somewhere and that this was all some sick prank. like i said in my other posts, he'd become everyone's therapist. he'd try his best to shove down his feelings because he doesn't like being vulnerable.
nash: he'd not only be miserable because of avery, but he'd also be because of jameson. he'd be researching ways to help him 24/7 whilst also trying his best (and failing) at pushing away his grief. over the years, he would've really gotten to know her. he'd also be trying to hide his grief from libby bc she'd obviously be really affected. suppressing his grief that much would lead to him potentially drinking his emotions away or working out excessively in hopes of hurting himself to distract himself. he'd visit her grave and leave cowboy hats or flowers.
libby: i honestly don't know if she'd survive her death (very morbid i know), but nash help her through it. she'd be so overcome with grief she wouldn't be able to bake anymore. she wouldn't get out of bed. i can also imagine her getting a tattoo in honor of her sister. maybe she'd get her initials tattooed or maybe a chess piece (something significant). she'd be like avery in my 'if jamie died post'. she would stop eating, drinking, sleeping. nash would not be able to take it anymore and would beg her to stay with him. i think she'd eventually decide to get help. she'd slowly get back into baking excessively and nash would be overcome with joy. every little thing would remind her of avery. things as simple as her whisk would remind her of this one food fight they had or smth.
max: she'd try to pretend she's fine but she most definitely wouldn't be. she lose interest in all of her favorite hobbies. she'd be so affected by her death that her shitty parents would cut her some slack (crazy i know). she'd push everyone away in order to deal with her grief by herself whilst also wanting to not be alone. xander would see that and wouldn't let her push him away. i think she's the type of person to journal a lot so she'd probably also do that. she address her journal entries to avery. she'd stare at the ceiling all day long and wouldn't talk to anyone other than xander (or even libby. they'd talk about their memories with her). she'd talk to her often at the end of the day in bed (obviously avery isn't there in person, but she'd talk to the sky).
added max to this one for obvious reasons. still sick (unfortunately. want to smash my laptop across the room) so might not make sense but oh well.
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