#this post gives me SO much anxiety

[14dayswithyou]

💖 Day 3.5 is now available! 💖

For the last couple of months, only Server Boosters had access to the 3.5 update... Buuuuut now it's available for everyone to play in the 14DWY Discord — and soon itch.io once I'm happy with the QA and state of the game — so please don't feel pressured to join unless you want to!!

The full devlog + even more screenshots are under the cut ^^

What's been added to the 3.5 version?

📺 Streamer Mode!

I've been told that it's difficult to stream and monetise age-restricted videos on YouTube and Twitch, so I added an option to remove the sexual content and strong language used in the demo.

Now y'all can invite Ren into your bed for cuddles without putting your streamer career on the line /silly /lh

This won't affect the 18+ rating or dark themes/elements of the game, however! Although Streamer Mode will prevent you from seeing any "gruesome" CGs in the future, most of the core elements of the game will still be tied to the choices and decisions you make. So you won't miss out on the overall experience by using streamer mode!!

⚙️ Custom Pronouns!

It only took me one entire year to get around to it, but you can finally choose your own preferred pronouns (or use a set of pronouns instead)... At the cost of being able to change them mid-game ^^;

Since the original pronoun screen wouldn't update until a new scene was displayed, I temporarily disabled the feature. But once I find a workaround, I'll bring it back!

💗 Choose how others perceive you!

You can now choose how the cast and narration perceive you! Originally, the narration was kept strictly gender-neutral (outside of pronouns and genitalia picked by the player), but this will soon change in future updates.

For more clarity: you don't get to choose the words specifically, but you can choose between masculine, feminine, and androgynous terms!

📋 Separate top and bottom genitalia!

You can now choose your tatas and pps separately! >:3

Alongside that, you can also choose your preferred body type!

I removed the "both" genitalia option because a few players still assumed it was an obscure version of "intersex". That wasn't my intention and I don't want to mislead anyone, so I took it out for now ^^;

I also didn't want to include a screenshot of the new genitalia choices in action (because it's NSFW), so y'all get the same character menu screen for the nth time instead lmao

📱 Relationship Screen Overhaul!

You can now change your own status for more immersion, and long-term Server Boosters will eventually be able to submit and use their own icon within the game as well!

Stalking finding your friends has now become easier by using "Buddy Maps"; a new app that allows you to see the location of all the cast members!

I want to offer players more incentive to check the relationship screen since they tend to miss the status updates, so hopefully this might help ;v;

It also says it "updates every few hours" so folks don't go overboard and check every 5 seconds to see where Ren is gdsghf (also keep in mind that he's a hacker lol)

🖤 Additional Scenes Update!

Day 2 received a brand new CG!!!!! Originally, I planned on only adding a few CGs sporadically throughout the game, but it didn't feel right to leave Day 2 so... empty... so I added a brand new CG to (hopefully) make things feel more balanced and natural!

If you decline Teo's offer on Day 3, Leon will now call and try to convince you to reconsider. However, players are still allowed to decline, and if they do, they'll reach a dead end.

After listening to feedback on itch, I changed some of the dialogue during Days 1-3 to make it seem more consistent! They're only small changes though, so it's honestly not worth looking for sdgjssga

🎶 Updated BGM and SFX!

I wanted to try out a different style of music to see if it fits the vibe of 14DWY more! The BGM features more acoustics to suit the "beachy" theme of Corland Bay, though I made a conscious effort to include piano elements as well to stay true to the original!!

I figured it'd be better to give players a live example before I make a poll (to see if they prefer the change or not) and publish it to Itch.

Some new SFX have also been added, though it's very minimal and honestly not that noticeable.

How to download and play the update?

(warning: clicking on the following links will open Discord!!) To download the Day 3.5 update, simply join the 14DWY Discord server, verify your age, and visit the "14dwy-updates" channel!

Alternatively, you can also wait until the update is publicly released on Itch to play it as well!! (It normally gets released shortly after a round of QA testing/getting feedback from the server, though I may release it earlier if I feel like it hehe ^^)

Enjoy!!

#14 days with you #14dwy #💖 — 14 days with queue. #🖤 — updates. #🖤 — spoilers. #I'm not gonna say much about my current doxxing situation because I've got it under control now + it's being handled privately #Plus I don't wanna give it/the people involved any unnecessary attention. I just wanna announce the update and Get Back To It™️ #(''it'' bein the grind 💪 It never stops lmao /silly) #OG followers will also know that these topics aren't the vibe I normally have on this blog (or any of my accounts); so I don't think I'll— #—make ANOTHER public post about the situation and bring more attention to it (when I just want everything to be over and put to rest ^^;) #However I also don't want people to think that I'm... ignoring?? the situation entirely (because gettin doxxed is a very endangering thing) #So I DO want to quickly acknowledge it here and say that it's all currently handled + I'm safe and okay + this won't stop me from— #—continuing to work on 14DWY (and other future projects). I also don't want to give these awful people more power and incentive to continue #—this kind of pathetic behaviour; so the less attention and encouragement being shown will ultimately be better in the long run :3 #Aaaaaanways!! 😮‍💨 #My other accounts will be restored shortly and my askbox will be opened once I feel comfortable. I'll get around to following folks— #—again in my own time; so please don't feel offended if I unfollowed you during a moment of vulnerability and anxiety!! #This is all EXTREMELY overwhelming and scary for someone with SAD/AvPD; and I /gen can't handle seeing it all over my timeline ;v; #Sorry this got ranty and personal again hjdsgjsdh T_T I said I wouldn't say much; so I'll shut up now hehe #🖤 — shut up sai.

[un-pearable]

ngl one of the most useful things i’ve internalized from doing art online is never tell people what to criticize. don’t preemptively apologize for things or point out where you think you fumbled, it’s just priming people to notice minor issues that might not actually matter and hit you where you’re sensitive and throw you off your game. don’t tell people your weak points. if it’s a genuine problem they’ll point it out

#especially not if they’re the professor grading your assignment!!!!!!!!!! feel so bad for my friend #i cant tell him it now bc it’ll come across as mean but i feel so bad :( he kept apologizing for things he didn’t need to and it made him #seem unprepared. when he actually had 95% of what he needed and apologizing made it LOOK like he didn’t #text✨ #i’m making it sound very dramatic here but it’s straight up helped me so much with my anxiety #the above doesn’t apply if you’re looking for constructive criticism kr any thing #i’m very specifically talking about stuff like posting art online or giving a presentation or whatever

[royalarchivist]

[A sad violin song plays over an image of a sad hamster]

Pac: This doesn't have anything to do with me – I wear a blue sweatshirt, you're crazy, this mouse doesn't even have a sweatshirt, this hamster! [Reading chat] Am I a depressed hamster?

[ Transcript continued ↓ ]*

–

Pac: Actually– that's fine! I embrace that idea – of course I'm going to be depressed, are you crazy? [He hits his desk, then starts counting off people on his fingers] Fit is gone, Richarlyson is gone, Ramon is gone, Bagi and Empanada who were always there when we were there are also gone, I haven't seen them! It's just me and Tubbo, and sometimes Philza shows up.

Pac: I lost Chume Labs, I lost the Favela, I lost Murder Mystery, I lost Ilha Chume Labs, it's crazy! Look at how much I've lost, and I've gained nothing! Of course I'm going to be depressed, are you crazy?! How am I supposed to be happy?!

Pac: [Reading chat] "You have us Pac," that's true, thank you. No, that's true, sorry.

* NOTE: Please note that this is an incomplete transcript, as I was primarily relying on Aypierre's translation mod at the time and if I am not confident of the translation, I do not include it. As always, please feel free to add on translations or message me corrections.

#Pactw #QSMP #Pac #March 18 2024 #As much as I love keeping people updated about Pac / the other Portuguese-speaking creators #I think I might not make as many transcribed posts for their clips anymore #I just don't think I'm qualified enough to be transcribing things for a language I don't know #like yeah we have the Qlobal Translator and Aypierre's translators to rely on #And I'm always upfront when I'm not 100% sure about a translation #but I've been thinking about it a lot and it kinda makes me feel a bit icky. Idk. #I might be overthinking this but I just I don't want to spread around translations I'm not super confident about #esp. since I know a lot of people cite my clips in analysis posts or link them to other people as resources #and 90% of the time I'm like ''Hell yeah I love seeing people getting a lot of use out of the archive'' #but sometimes I get a bit anxious like ''Did I do a good enough job translating this'' #''Am I ruining someone's entire perception of a conversation or character because I left one word out or mistranslated something?'' #And like I said that's normally not a HUGE concern since if I'm not certain about a translation I just won't post a clip. but you know #idk it might just be the anxiety talking but I really really don't want to spread bad info #Happy to hear other folks' perspective #I'm really grateful for people like Bell and Pix and others who translate clips and I always try to reblog those #but we don't have a ton of people posting clips & translating things on Tumblr since we're so English-centric #which is part of the reason WHY I like sharing clips of the non-English-speaking CCs #but at the same time I want to do an accurate job representing what they're saying #Maybe I'll just start posting things and give a TLDR context of what they're talking about but not a transcript #that way native-speakers can hop in and add translations if that's something they're comfortable doing #and if not then well. at least I'm not sharing something that isn't super accurate #idk I'm just thinking out loud a bit in the tags #But I'm open to hearing other people's thoughts on the matter #Anyways giant rant aside. q!Pac is NOT doing ok rn

[k1tty5]

i dont know how to draw her but i think she looks very pretty. tried a funky coloring technique that i also did in anotherr thing that i will also post soon and i think its pretty fun and cool and nice so i am happy that im finally getting to have fun with color

#my art #grian fanart #grian #ariana griande #posting gives me so much anxiety but #im trying my best #fhgfhfh

[red-flagging]

💛 seb/lewis :-)

(kiss fic prompts!)

a little epilogue to rabbits are chasing :)

Lewis's flight lands at 8:02PM, which means that by 7:31PM, Seb is parked outside the airport arrivals door, drumming his fingers against the steering wheel and scanning the sky for approaching planes.

It's quite silly, getting here so early, but it's not as if there's much left to do at home. There's roast vegetables waiting in the oven, the cauliflower steaks that he started marinating earlier this morning chilling in the fridge. Mina and Ellie are safely ensconced in their duck coop with the heater turned on for the night. The sheets on the guest bed are freshly washed.

The car parked behind him starts up. Its headlights illuminate Seb's cabin. For a moment, he catches a glimpse of himself, harried and too-bright, in the rearview mirror. He scrubs his hands down his face. Christ. Get it together, Sebastian. He is a full 39 years old. Far too old to be getting the same jitters that he did the first time he invited a girl over at age 17, agonizing about what album to have playing when they came back to his room. Lewis is far too old for Seb to be doing all this. Lewis might not even be gay.

His phone buzzes. Seb nearly jumps out of his seat.

Lewis

just landed

getting my luggage now

hows it so freaking cold here

The inside of the car is already fogging up. When he'd asked Lewis to send dates he could come visit and Lewis had said just so you know the next few months are kind of crazy for me, Seb had expected late fall, maybe the holidays. Not the middle of slush season, when all the roads up the mountain have a 50/50 chance of being so muddy that they're undriveable.

Sebastian

I'm outside, in the blue Infiniti :)

He glances back up at himself in the mirror. The scab from where a wood chip caught the corner of his eyebrow while he was sanding the new planter box is almost healed over. His hair looks as good as it's ever going to. If Lewis asks whether he's been using conditioner, he's fucked.

It shouldn't feel like this. Seb beat Lewis to Senna's record, and Lewis still laughed at all his jokes the next season. Lewis watched Seb DNF twice in five races and still said in the media pen that he was waiting for the day Seb would be back up on the podium with him. When they inevitably auction off Lewis's Le Mans racesuit, it'll have to be with Seb's snot all over the front of it, because Lewis let Seb sob all over him and then laughed as he wiped sweat off of Seb's cheek with the sleeve. After all that – the fact that he's about to be in Seb's house for the next week shouldn't make Seb feel like he's standing in front of Lewis naked, without even the promise of a fast car or a good competition to distract Lewis from looking right at him.

His phone buzzes again.

Lewis

outside i think

Seb peers through the windscreen. Lewis – or rather, the blurry figure lugging a giant suitcase behind him that he assumes is Lewis – waves at him from the sidewalk. Seb flashes his lights at him twice.

The back door opens and Lewis's head, along with a burst of cold night air, pops in. "Hey," he says, a little breathlessly. "I don't think this is going to fit in the back."

It does, eventually, but not without a fight that involves Seb having to climb into the trunk alongside Lewis's suitcase and physically wrestle it into place while Lewis shoves from behind. They're both out of breath by the time they finally climb back in the front and slam the doors shut.

"You know, there are beds at the farm," Seb points out. "You didn't have to pack your own."

Lewis shakes his head, tugging off his gloves. His coat collar is turned up around his neck. He's wearing an an ear warmer headband, held in place by two butterfly pins. Every other bit of uncovered skin is pink, even with the heat in the car up at full blast. Lewis shoves his fingers in front of the vents and sighs with relief, closing his eyes. "Ugh, thank God," he says. He sounds exhausted. "Listen, you're lucky I fit everything into one." It sounds far less like a joke than Seb would hope. The fact that the fondness in Seb's chest still manages to outweigh the exasperation is probably a sign that Seb's beyond salvation.

"Next time I'll bring a trailer so you can fit your bathtub and toilet, too," he says, reaching for the keys. The engine purrs to life as he flicks the lights back on, then leans forward to scrub the worst of the fog off the windscreen. The thermometer on the dash says it's still 3 degrees outside. They might still be able to make it back before the slush freezes over. "Okay," he says, sitting back down and twisting around to reach for his seatbelt. "Ready to go?"

Lewis doesn't say anything. When Seb looks over, he's staring out the front window, playing with one of his rings.

"Lewis?" Seb asks.

Lewis's head jerks around. "Hm?" he says. "Oh. Yeah." He doesn't move to put on his seatbelt.

Seb frowns. Kills the engine so he can properly turn in his seat. "Lewis," he says. "Is everything –"

Lewis leans across the console and kisses him.

It's barely half a second. Seb still hasn't moved by the time Lewis sits back down on his side of the car.

"Uh," Lewis says, after a second. He clears his throat. "Sorry. I just – Shit. Sorry. The whole way over, all I could think about was – I had to get it over with before I chickened out."

He's fiddling with his rings again, but his eyes stay fixed on Seb's. His jaw is set. He still looks half-ready to bolt through the door behind him, out into the night.

"Well, you don't have to make it sound like taking your medicine, Christ," Seb says hoarsely, and drags Lewis back across the console to kiss him properly.

Lewis's lips are still cold. When Seb opens his mouth, Lewis sighs, pressing in closer with a soft sound that makes Seb want to go twenty years back in time and kick himself for not figuring out how to make Lewis make that noise sooner. His hands settle on Seb's wrists, holding him in place. Seb slides his own hands up, cradling the back of Lewis's head, to return the favor.

When he finally pulls away just far enough to catch his breath, Lewis follows him, close enough that their noses bump. His eyes are wide. This close up, Seb can see the dark circles under them more clearly.

He closes his eyes. Lewis is still there when he opens them.

"How long have you been awake?" he asks.

Lewis blinks. "What," he says. "Are you talking about."

"Sleep deprivation," Seb says. His heart is pounding hard enough that he feels it in his throat. "People start to get delirious when they're tired enough –"

"I was awake for 24 hours and I didn't kiss you at the end," Lewis interrupts, his eyes sharp and bright. "I'm not making the same mistake twice."

Seb opens his mouth and nothing comes out. He tries again. Still nothing.

"Fuck," he says, closing his eyes. "Okay. Okay." He drags himself back upright and reaches for the keys. "We can – tomorrow. But we should – you need to shower. And sleep." Lewis's hand settles on his leg. Seb rests his own on top of it; after a second, he squeezes Lewis's fingers gently. Lewis flips his hand over and laces their fingers together.

"Yeah," Lewis says. His thumb traces over Seb's knuckles. "That – tomorrow sounds good."

The slush crackles under the tires when Seb starts to move. Ahead of them, the headlights carve a path through the darkness. Lewis's hand is a solid, steady weight against his leg. "Okay," Seb says, to himself, to both of them, to no one. Lewis hums softly from his side of the car. He squeezes Seb's knee gently.

Seb closes his eyes for a second. "Okay," he says quietly. "Yeah. Let's go home."

#my fic #collarboen #rpf #sorry to possibly?? retcon the fade to black kiss at the end of rabbits are chasing and be like PSYCH it took 9 months after that...but in #my heart this has always* been the truth #*i came up with it ten minutes into brainstorming this prompt but now i'm attached to it and have accepted it into my heart and home #the post-retirement post-gay awakening post-journey of self acceptance slow burn slash anxiety spiral #that happened over the 9 month interlude on lewis's end is left as a thought experiment for the reader :) #thank u for giving me an excuse to write this autumn :) #i am slowly making my way through the rest of these lol ty to everyone who has sent them in they've been so fun!! #you are welcome to send in more but just be warned that the next batch will probably take. much longer lol. but i will keep doing my best 🫡

[lotus-pear]

collecting bsd mutuals like pokemon rn lmao

#u guys should like.. comment below if u like bsd and are an artist/writer i need more of you #literally shock of my life when i scroll through my followers and i see a tumblrfamous artist/writer that has been following me for MONTHS #but my dumbass notifs regretted to inform me #so i meekly have to creep up to their inbox and kneel in front of them and be like “ty for gracing my humble blog with ur presence” #before hitting follow #actually gives me anxiety that they must think im so self absorbed that i wouldn't want to follow them back #like “oh she thought she made ONE good post and shes suddenly entitled” NO NO NO I PROMISE THATS NO IT #anyway. opened up there a little too much💀 #bsd ppl come forth rn

[basementpartier]

currently having thoughts about schlatt w/ separation anxiety

(all sfw)

texts his s/o about everything he's doing all the time to keep in as much contact as possible

also sends pictures of everything he's doing throughout the day since it can be faster and more engaging than just describing things or sending brief updates like "on the bus now"

calls every single night if he's away for multiple days. he'll typically either fall asleep on call or stay up super late talking to his s/o and fall asleep at like 5 am

likes calling his s/o while they're out of the house (as opposed to getting texts from them all the time cause he knows most people can't keep up with that)

not a big fan of splitting up when on an outing with his s/o, even if it'd make the trip faster or otherwise be more convenient

will come up to his s/o at random times during the day and just insist on hugging them for a minute or two cause he remembers that they're there and they're a person and he needs to be close to them

#im praying that no one gives me shit for using the term separation anxiety #cause people write “clingy” headcanons/pov stuff literally all the time and this is the same as that #the only difference is that i have severe separation anxiety and i like projecting that onto characters and people i write #cause it makes me happyyyyyyyyy #dear god i just realized that this.. is telling everyone SO MUCH about me #its dogboy hours bitch #anyway :) first post from me and im being silly about my mental illness #now how tf do i tag this #schlatt x reader #jschlatt x reader #i kinda dont want this to get into super general tags personally #rpf selfship #celebrity selfship #i discovered just now that those are actually tags :) #my posts

[cloudsrust]

Tfw you have to crawl out of artblock and fatigue because your new fave doesn't have enough content (I have to feed the fixation on my own.)

#the cloud can speak oh boi #good omens #doodle #so the good news is that I'm finally drawing again- the bad is that anxiety is still kicking my ass and posting is still horribly difficult #so I meme the pain away #also at this point I'm using him as my support demon #my favorite demon.. the sulfur <3 #<- me actually calling him Sulfur half the time and giving “Aziraphalala” vibes #No but why did I have to get attached to Furfur? I was doing so well with just caring about the main ones;; I was just swimming in content! #But nooo- lets get attached to the demon who has what? 30 mins of screen time in total? *Ugly sobbing* #I love his character so much though ougghh the costume design in GO is already something else but him? Idk I just want to frame him on wall

[coldbasementruins]

Episode 9 was all about expression and encouragement, and it was amazing!!

This episode wasn't about questioning Rei's love for Kazuki and Miri, because everyone knows he loves them! We know, Rei knows, Kazuki knows and even Miri knows. No, this episode is about Rei's troubles with expressing his love and affection.

Rei grew up in an environment where showing emotions - having emotions - was frowned upon, so it's understandable that he has trouble with it. But after the events of the last episode, it's obvious that he wants to take it further. I think it's worth it to note that Miri seemed to have no issues with Rei not outwardly encouraging her in the conventional way as Kazuki does, and it's Rei himself (and to an extent Kazuki and other parents) that makes him feel the need to cheer and show encouragement to Miri.

Encouragement and support had a big importance in this episode, and it's shown in a lot of different ways, but especially in 2 situations:

The first instance is about Rei trying to encourage Miri. In this instance, Rei's need for showing his love got an opportunity in sports' day, and while he did at first question the need for support, it's more so that he questions why Miri needs support from him, rather than why Miri needs support in general. Rei sees Kazuki make a restaurant-worthy feast and feels that his rice balls are inadequate and unnecessary in comparison. He sees Kazuki shout and scream his encouragement to Miri and thinks that since Kazuki is already showing loud support to Miri, then maybe his support is not needed. Rei feels worser when his actual effort to cheer Miri ended with her losing the race. Logically, it's not anyone's fault, no one blames him for it, but that's not what he feels. All he knows is that he fucked up, and that he should stay out of it now.

But that's not the end of it. Miri and her friends loved the onigiri Rei felt were unwanted. She sees the word "Family" and immediately drags Rei to the race because she needs both of her dads, and family is not family without either of them. It makes Rei feel needed, and his efforts appreciated.

The second instance is about Kazuki trying to encourage Rei. In an exaggerated sense, if Rei doesn't feel any emotion, then Kazuki feels every single emotion in painful intensity all the time. He cries when he's sad, he screams when he's angry, he practically never holds back. Kazuki knows Rei can't do that even if he wants to, so he does what he can: Encourage Rei to put effort, however small it is. He's proud when Rei makes the onigiri ("You couldn't even make cup ramen, and now you are doing this!","Miri will like it!"), he comforts Rei when he's feeling guilty about "ruining" Miri's race, he includes Rei in his conversation with the other moms but doesn't push him to socialise with them and a lot more. He appreciates Rei's efforts because he knows how difficult it is for him to do stuff like this. He's just so understanding and nice about it, and that's exactly what Rei needs.

[P.S. Kazuki feels happy about the word "family" being used to describe them, which is a complete contrast to his aversion to the word "Dads" in the earlier episodes and I find it hella cute.]

It's about doing your best, reassuring your loved ones, making each other feel wanted, and above all, redefining the conventional meaning of "family".

I would die for them.

#long post #every friday i get healed #can't wait to see what kind of tragedy will fall upon them #the post ed scene gives me anxiety i love it #REI'S SMILES!!!! THEY ARE SO PRETTY AND WHOLESOME #this is the longest post i've written ig #my fingers hurt but i do nOT care #THEY MATTER SO MUCH TO ME #THEY ARE A GODDAMN FAMILY #they deserve the world #ok im done #Rei Suwa #Miri Unasaka #Kazuki Kurusu #kazurei #buddy daddies analysis #Buddy Daddies

[lovesickeros]

Hiii just popping out to say thank you for feeding my sagau reader x furina brainroot by small interactions in "Even the Gods bleed." (Sorry if I wrote it incorrectly, I didn't get proper sleep.)

They way reader tugged at Furina's cheek— hell yeah your Grace I understand you.

i am always down to feed other furina enjoyers. at some point i need to give furi her own solo fic with reader but i know im gonna make it like triple the length of everything else..favoritism at its finest!! and proud of it. furina gets priority in everything.

#asks #anon #stares at my pending package. i bought a $55 furina plush i am Dedicated #if no one else got me i know i do. self indulgent furina/reader is my new specialty #i think abt pre/post archon quest furina all the time like #pre aq shes still very bubbly and dramatic but internally her anxiety is 10x WORSE bc now she has to compete #with ACTUAL archons on earning your favor and shes probably had 16 breakdowns in the span of 3 days over it #please give her a hug and reassure her she is like a cat w seperation anxiety sitting at the door waiting for u to come home #post aq shes a lot more mellowed out but also. once again. worse!!!! #because now she cant even say shes the hydro archon and have an excuse to be allowed to see you whenever she wants #shes just. a human now. so she kinda resigns herself to just never getting to see you again except maybe in passing #once again Please Give Her A Hug SHE DESERVES IT 💔 #sorry i ranted too much um. runs. #never ask me abt furina sagau i think abt it too much #dont know if ill be continuing the series unfortunately so no more furina on that front uhh. oops.

[serenpedac]

Thank you so much @ejunkiet for the tag, this was a fun one ♥️

Tagging forward: @lykegenia @wayhavenots @evilbunnyking @deepinifhell @nat-seal-well @grapecaseschoices @serial-chillr (I'm probably forgetting people, so if you want to do this, please consider yourself tagged 😘)

#about the roleplay.. i just joined the ttrpg group that my wife is also in #and we play via discord so it sort of counts? #(i'm not very good at roleplaying tbh but we'll see how it goes) #i sometimes use an outline #even if it's not followed #the formatting before posting is kind of fun i think #(with the exception of those page dividers i complained to bunny about haha) #but the final round of editing gives me so much anxiety. not fun. #see here a reason why a lot of my writing doesn't get posted #as for the fic deserving more recognition #i can't really complain as it got 6 whole kudos in a fandom with less than 15 works on ao3 #so it surpassed my expectations #i just want more people to play returnal!

[mage-propaganda]

On the one hand, whenever I see my “loving men” post (which I made, like, over a year ago I think at this point) get another influx of notes I feel good that I’m helping some people out there that need it. On the other hand, I mostly get anxious because whenever I get influxes of notes on that post like 50% of them are bad takes, and it feels like a fair number of those takes lead people onto my blog and into my inbox to be gross and transphobic.

If I haven’t answered any of my mutuals asks lately I’m sorry, but I’ve been specifically ignoring my inbox the last few months as I seem to have like weekly big influxes from that post which means sifting through what feels like 10,000 “your boyfriend actually sees you as a straight woman, and he should kill himself too” anons.

#personal #that post was mlm btw #like I’m not ashamed to be a bisexual mlm #I’m a trans guy I’m not gonna feel ashamed to be a guy #just ooof #that post gives me so much anxiety now #sometimes I wish I never made it

[lost-in-derry]

Dear fanfiction writers, how do I write dialogue so the characters don’t talk like robots? Sincerely, an autistic writer who talks like a robot.

#please I need help #communion part 2 is giving me so much anxiety #why would I write a fic that’s mostly talking #my post #star wars #star wars rebels #kalluzeb

[rowanisawriter]

last line tag game

thanks for the tag @nirikeehan! i’m still chipping away at my mass effect detective au, here’s the very vague last sentence i wrote…

“Yeah,” he mutters, noncommittally.

lol… tagging @samseabxrn @todderwodders @mightymizora @say-lene

#tag games #i have a full chapter for this au and usually i don’t post until the whole thing is written #it gives me anxiety thinking of posting just one chapter without having the rest down but i kinda want to just share it……… #maybe my New Year’s resolution will be to just post and not worry so much lol whatever anyway

[coyotebrained]

You have to think things will get better, otherwise what is the point!!! You have to hold out hope that things will get better and then maybe one day things will feel safe and be cool and everything will be fine (at least as fine as it can be)

#misc #rbs okay #I’m just so tired of the state of the world and I’m so tired of feeling unsafe every day #so tired of being tired. I have to hope my body will heal and I will feel better but it’s so hard #change has to come at some point and I have to hope I can make it to that point #I’m having a terrible time coping with the pain and fatigue and mental strain covid has left me with #I want to feel okay again so badly #all I want in the world is to make art and experience art and music and movies and live a little life with my partner in some place nice #I’m scared I’ll never feel okay enough to have that and I’m scared the world won’t ever feel safe enough again to have that #I just keep telling myself something has to change and trying to believe it so hard #if I make it through this pandemic with any semblance of health and stability I will be happy #I don’t even want to think about how much trauma the pandemic has given me and will continue to give me #I grieve everyday for the world that could’ve been and the person I will never get the chance to be because of this pandemic #my health anxiety has skyrocketed in the past four years and just keeps getting worse #I can’t hear people coughing or sneezing or sniffling without panicking for a few seconds every time #I already had emetophobia before 2020 but now I have the same panicked feeling from anyone exhibiting any signs of illness #it’s exhausting T-T everything is exhausting #sorry for vent-ish post on main ik it’s not very professional but whatever this is my blog #covid tw

[girlcrushau]

#me? about to use tumblr as a diary again? in 2024? unfortunately:/ #but here have a waterfall i saw on a hike last week as payment #i am sO tired and exhausted emotionally after dating #there's this guy that i fr thought was going to last and be around for a long time. we spent like every moment together that we could for 2 #months straight and if we werent physicaly together we were texting or calling or on ft . just every part of our day had the other in it #not once did i ever feel unwanted undesired or uncared for. not once did i feel that i wasnt sure of his intentions. i felt safer with him #in those 2 months than i ever did with any one else i could think to compare to. #until one day he just didnt think it important to communicate any more. after 3 days of nearly nothing .. hardly any talking . i asked if #he was ok if we were ok. what was going on in his head. he said some ive just been with my buddies and family and havent been on my phone #and just. immediately thats heartbreak yanno. thats :// thats what they say when theres a new girl. but there'd never been a reason to think #there was another girl so i was like ok we're gonna trust bc this dude has been So good in every way. so i said imy but i understand. enjoy #your time with your buddies and with your fam -- i cant wait to hear about it (and hold you) #and i havent heard from him in the 3 weeks since. just randomly #so last night #i send the dreaded 'i miss you' text. #i dont expect to hear back and i accept the hurt that will come with that and the confusion that i've felt settles deeper into my heart #until this afternoon i hop on ig and see a hard launch that was posted an hour after my text was sent #that shit kinda hurt different. but also sent me into a bit of a delirious state where all i could do is laugh bc are you for fucking real #did she see my message? i know it. bc i know him and i know that he wouldnt hide anything from the person he's giving his heart #and his softness to. i can almost imagine how he showed her and promised her theres nothing to worry about #and there really isnt anything to worry about because he genuinely is the type to give his all to the relationship he's in #which feels silly to say after what happened w us. like no there wasnt a title ever #it sucks to call it a situationship because a month ago we were laughing in bed together about how we could never bc we were all in. #just the timing of the hard launch makes me giggle. did my text push them to have a conversation about what they are. was she really the #reason that he went away on me. #im trying not to blame myself . trying not to think about the phone calls i didnt answer. about what i could have done differently. trying #not to think about where we would be if i didnt let my anxieties hold me back. if i wasnt scared about what he'd think of the parts of me #that i keep hidden just a little bit longer than the rest. #and at the same time im trying not to put him on a pedestal. but that pedestal is just where i wholeheartedly believe he belongs #he set the bar for me. he set the standard. i was never too much. i was never too little. he made me feel perfect just as i am