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babybells123 · 1 month

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“The wind was howling fiercely. It sounds like a wolf, thought Sansa. A ghost wolf, big as mountains.” (AFCC, Alayne II)

Is such an insane quote to me. All I can think of is how GRRM had no reason to put that in if not for literary thematic reasons. The phrase also works so incredibly well for GRRM’s self proclaimed style of subconscious foreshadowing, and using a literary sleight of hand when it comes to planting seeds. (I.e whilst he’s placing in hints and clues he’s waving his other hand with some flashy wording).

So the thing with a lot of Jonsa clues is that it lives between the lines . It lives in this implicit subconscious place that you’d only pick up on if *critically* reading. It’s what you pick up on through re-reads , and you have to be unbiased, open to anything and willing to look - and then it’s quite literally screaming off the page and you cannot unsee it.

The issue with the majority of the fandom, is that they refuse to see it. They claim “no narrative basis!!” You guys are reaching … but are willing to accept targaryen imagery in Sansa’s chapters as long as it relates to fAegon. Or the blue rose in the wall of ice meaning that J/D are the fated soul lovers of the saga etc etc.

The primary quote that is used by J/D shippers is Jon’s death and the link to the wolf howl with Dany.

I’m not one of those asoiaf fans who kicks and screams , denying any semblance of foreshadowing for other ships. You do you. (I have a problem with the people who choose to be condescending and towards my ship, which happens to Jonsa’s a lot since it’s quite niche compared to J/D). I can acknowledge all the foreshadowing for J/D, I saw it from ACOK - but the difference is that I don’t view it as overtly positive and as an endgame fated romance.

What is interesting to me is that the GA will overemphasise this quote as absolute proof that J/D are endgame, (I can’t tell you how many times I’ve read it on Tiktok, reddit, Twitter etc) though they are quick to dismiss literally anything else….even a very very similar quote with uniquely distinct phrasing because it can’t be !! It’s a delusional ‘reach.’

The Dany quote in question:

“Off in the distance, a wolf howled. The sound made her feel sad and lonely but no less hungry.” (ADWD Daenerys X) .

Later in that chapter she embraces ‘fire and blood.’ So to me, the hunger represents both a physical absence and insatiable desires which she will soon embrace and no longer reject - she’ll likely sail to Westeros in TWOW. I actually love this interpretation of the quote, though it seems rather in the minority for the GA. Is it foreshadowing ? I believe non-J/D shippers can absolutely agree on that. But it doesn’t seem an overly positive quote that suggests everlasting romance. I mean, the fact that she hears it in the distance, so it isn’t a loud sound, and though it despairs her, she’s more concerned with that ‘hunger.’ It’s interesting word-play from GRRM as there are obvious double meanings to the quote.

And you know what ? I’m intrigued to see where he goes with that - I’m far more enamoured by potential conflict - though conflict is never without its complexity of course . See I do find J/D compelling, and I see the appeal that the GA finds, - I used to like the it in the past because of fanart and edits. I then just realised that J/S are far subtler, but make more sense and tie together beautifully in terms of thematics, parallels, and characterisations . In terms of J/D I’ve realised I’m more interested in a uniquely conflicting dynamic rather than the conventional hero boy x hero girl saves the world . I’m all on board for GRRM subverting that tired tired fantasy trope and giving us something else - unexpected - raw, beautiful, (angsty) and unequivocally there since the beginning. Here’s a hint; starts with J and has 5 letters.

Okay I went on way too much of a ramble here !!! Back to Sansa’s quote.

“The wind was howling fiercely. It sounds like a wolf, thought Sansa. A ghost wolf, big as mountains.” (AFCC, Alayne II)

GA pass over Sansa’s line which is simultaneously subtle and visceral. And it’s easy to do so, because it’s in AFFC - but then that’s a perfect way for GRRM to weave something in. Sansa is physically surrounded by mountains in her chapter, just as the fierce howling is an overwhelming presence. Jon dies and calls for Ghost in his last chapter - it could be around the same time - Ghost reacting to Jon’s death, grieving over him. it’s also a ‘ghost’ because something (someone) important to Sansa has perished. Someone she hadn’t thought of in a long time and was only just reminded of.

“A ghost wolf big as mountains” “howling fiercely.” Ghost wolf. Did George need to specify that it was a GHOST wolf in the exact same chapter where Sansa is consciously thinking of how sweet it’d be to see Jon again? After not thinking of him in 2 books?? And then once more lamenting “that could never be.”

Now I’m primarily analysing this quote through a Jonsa lens, but both ^ the Dany and Sansa quote also allude to Jon’s sheer importance to the narrative - his loss is profound, and his resurrection will be even more so.

#jonsa #jon x sansa #anti asoiaf fandom #meta

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sasukesharingan · 2 months

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hmm. ya know. it physically hurts me that ppl vilify sasuke. but sadly I think it’s representative of the bleak aspects of reality we live in (there r good parts ofc). like. i think most ppl do want to conform and belong, it’s a natural human thing after all. but bc of this most are too afraid to have niche opinions now in fear of being canceled or outcasted. i think collectively we’ve slowly lost (or become reluctant to use) the ability to think critically about information and form our own opinions/challenge the obvious narratives/synthesize opposing themes. I’m not trying to be pretentious. but. things that aren’t framed as the obvious “good”, or diverge from the norm become villainized. and I think sasuke rly represents this oddball thing that ppl are too blinded by conformity to truly try to understand and empathize with. he won’t bend the knee. he rly just doesn’t give a shit abt what’s normal and he wants to change the system and literally everything and I think that rly bothers ppl. esp when the narrative of the series pushes the message of le love and friendship solves everything. so I think. it’s sad but this rly is a microcosm for how frustrated and pained I get about ideological and societal issues irl. and it’s hard to have an honest, respectful, and mutually curious conversation these days

#thoughts #rambles #sasuke #naruto #media literacy #pro sasuke #anti naruto ending #anti ending #anti konoha #meta #op #my essays

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sgiandubh · 9 months

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I want to ship SC, trust me I do and I love them together, but I just can’t fathom how far they stretch a fake relationship (her and T). Like for example the recent picture of them holding hands- now it’s not an insane gesture but definitely one we haven’t seen before. So maybe they truly are just a private couple. But in my heart of hearts I just love her and S together so much, and don’t know what to think because on one hand they are simply everything together and on the other it seems like she really is with T. I’m confused 🥲 what’s your take?

Dear Confused Anon,

I will be brutally honest: no, I do not trust you and I do not care about your crocodile tears. Not a single bit. In fact, once I will be done with my answer to you, you are most probably going to press CTRL+C, then CTRL +V. And run to the nearest Mordor sweatshop, in the hope one of the Three Sopranos will insult me again.

You see, to trust you, I would have to speak with at least a handle, not a coward in disguise. And then, even DMs are neither always safe, nor always honest - I have recently learned it the rough way, despite my best efforts, tried (and up until now failed) to forgive and will never forget.

By now, I suppose everyone got a good look at this splendiferous picture:

Take a long, quiet, hard look at it, Shire.

So organic it could kill a moth colony on the spot.

So heartfelt - she doesn't even look at him.

So sentimental - that icy smile of hers. A happy couple, indeed.

A general round of applause, all across the Nation.

You are very wrong: it is not the first time they are holding hands, I mean, sort of. The much touted London marathon pic immediately comes to mind - although you'd have to admit, I looked and looked and he seemed to be checking her pulse, rather than being lovey-dovey.

A real private couple would never stoop as low as a cheap, laborious retcon, in retaliation for a couple of thousand people speculating on a niche blogging platform.

It took four years, a month and four days after that Remarkable Week-end to see McSideburns clumsily try and claw her hand. Remarkable, indeed.

And are you trying to tell me the MC didn't shake your beliefs and this does?

This perfunctory, formulaic, scripted AF, blip?

Wow. I have no words, Anon.

That unkempt, bland person - for God's sake, mister, tuck that damn shirt in your pants! - looking like the elephant in the china shop at a carefully curated event celebrating the supreme form of French refinement?

This is insulting, to say the least. To her (and her prized image), to Chanel, to this fandom, to S and believe it or not, to himself, too. Granted, the Berluti shoes are showing some improvement and are now clean. Hmph.

So here is what I think, Anon (and I know people are going to shriek and guess what, I do not care, for once):

It's been at least one year this fandom has been asking for this specific pic and for this specific whiplash. A childish tantrum, as she is regularly throwing. Mind you, that doesn't even come close to the painfully slow, monumentally boring Flukenzie Floozy Saga and looks as staged as the Ochoa & S London sighting (ah, patterns!).

This is the reaction to our scriptwriting ineptitude.

This is also the reaction to some underground shenanigans, directly related to a birth certificate apparently being peddled around. I will not discuss this, yet know just that: this is a legal claptrap, right there. I can, and if needed I will prove it. With the cold, surgical precision Mordor is so afraid of.

But she is a mother, for Christ's sake!

A mother!

As I said, I am not a mother and never will be. I do not wish this trial on anyone. But if I know something about life, I can guarantee you a mother would do whatever it takes to protect her child(ren).

Including taking precisely this kind of sad and forgettable pic.

So, there's that. We choose and we choose now: we fall for it once more and let the playbook fiddle with our insecurities once more and post endless trails of old pics once more to soothe the searing indignation.... Or GROW THE FUCK UP and show to whom it may concern we're not buying this shit anymore.

I know what I'll do. You're on your own, Anon: my tough love took you only this far, down the road. Sorry for the length. It was needed.

For the moment, I just booked an appointment with Miss Fotoula (roughly Claire, hehe), my genius hairdresser. I will ask her to refresh my dirty blonde mane.

#anon

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the-sappho-of-lesbos · 6 months

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This might be a bit niche but I’m starting to see a big shift in how wlw spaces online and irl operate within my age range (early 20s - 30s) where there is this almost demonisation of relationships between 2 women - that it’s inherently abusive or toxic or not worth your time or true love was only experienced once dating men (and no this isn’t me shaming women who date men)

It’s just wild. It almost feels like a cultural push back to the acceptance society is starting to have for us. As if the very nature of it being more accepted is pressuring women to date other women and then they feel resentful that it wasn’t the magic safe haven they were promised.

I think too many people expect these relationships to be perfect and uwu and a salvation from certain things men in society push onto us that when it’s not they get even more upset. I feel like I’m general women who date men have this social narrative of EXPECTING some level of bad with relationships with men, so when it’s good it’s perfect. But they expect perfection from their relationships with other women so when it’s good it’s horrible.

It’s just very concerning to see and I don’t like it. I don’t like going to wlw spaces and seeing all the bonding being over either which man is the hottest (again, need to say not criticising women who date men just that it’s sad when in WLW spaces that’s the most talked about thing ) OR how utterly crap and horrible and toxic dating women is.

It just feels like the spaces that celebrate these relationships are getting smaller and smaller and smaller and then the ones that DO only do it under the guise of not showing or acting upon sexual desires and just being cute hand holding. It’s not good for all wlw’s mental health. It’s not a conducive environment

And not I’m not saying we should just shut up and never talk about abuse or difficult things. Those things need to happen of course. But this isn’t that a lot of the time. Most of the time it’s just a way to dunk on women.

#personal

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underdark-dreams · 8 months

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Hey idk if you only write Tav x character but I am STARVED!!! Starved I say! For Karach x Dammon content. It just makes so much sense and as someone who remained platonic with Karlach I still wanted her to get some action and seeing how Dammon was RIGHT! FUCKING! THERE! It makes sense that they could maybe hook up and he’s been invested in helping her too and huuuuuuuUUUUUUUUH.

I know you like writing about them tieflings so if eventually if you are able you could write the two of them going at it like the touch starved babies they both are (Karlach for obvious reasons and Dammon bc he’s probably focused on his work most of the time).

I’m still shook over your Rolan x Tav fanfic you wrote and I can’t wait to see what you write in the future!

Dammon x Karlach [Explicit]

Touchable

"Damn I'm good. And you, you're...very touchable." An infernal blacksmith and a Blood War veteran walk into a bar. Who would have guessed that Dammon is a natural when it comes to handling fire?

Tags: Explicit Sexual Content, Gentle Angst, Sweet/Hot

Word Count: 3,460 [Read on AO3]

“Of course, you’ll need to install it yourself.”

"Of course, of course—can’t touch the giant flaming woman," Karlach grinned at him.

Dammon often noticed that Karlach smiled when things made her sad. He remembered the moment well, remembered each time he'd been given an opportunity to help tune that engine of hers.

Their most recent conversation stuck out with particular pain in his mind.

He'd spent many late nights burning the candles down in his room as he sketched and diagrammed and theorized. No matter how many sheets of parchment he filled, Dammon kept arriving at the same awful conclusion.

Even with his niche skills, he was all out of options for Karlach. She could either return to the sustaining fires of Avernus, or live on this plane however long she could manage before her engine was snuffed out.

Dammon couldn't even calculate whether she had years left or only months. Somehow, that made it so much more terrible.

Karlach took the news with superhuman optimism, the way she approached most things. She thanked him with tears in her eyes for at least giving her back the chance to touch and be touched. For that, her first hug in ten years was his.

Hopefully it wouldn't be the last, Dammon found himself thinking, as her warm body pressed up firmly against him. She wasn't the only one who was long overdue for some physical affection.

Dammon had always thought of her now and then as he worked in his forge. Usually it was idle and passing, wondering whether her infernal parts were giving her any trouble.

But lately, it was hard to shake her from his mind at all. Had she found someone to finally take to bed yet? Surely so, with how many years she'd be confined to unwilling celibacy.

It embarrassed him to admit, but he fervently wished it could've been him. He wasn't much more than a humble smith, and she was practically the city’s hero at this point. How many times had she saved his own life? He'd lost track.

All these thoughts ran through Dammon's mind from where he sat at the bar of the Blushing Mermaid. As he surfaced from his reflection, the din and noise of the place pressed against his ears again.

Not as reputable as the Elfsong, perhaps, but it was closer to his forge. And it was easier to be left to yourself when all the other patrons were already piss-drunk.

"Hey, soldier!"

A friendly hand clapped his back, causing Dammon to nearly choke on his pint as Karlach slid into the seat beside him.

"Sorry," she said with a grimace, but her eyes were sparkling. "Gods, am I glad to see you."

Dammon wiped his mouth in surprise as she swung her very large mug up on the table. "You too, Karlach," he said with a genuine smile. It was like the very strength of his thoughts had conjured her. She looked better than ever.

"I didn't expect to see you here," he admitted. "I thought you'd be out enjoying the new you."

"Fucking someone's brains out, you mean?" Karlach finished for him. Dammon found her bluntness unbelievably attractive.

"To be honest that's why I'm here," she admitted, and rubbed her neck with a hand. "Camp's a bit awkward at the moment. I may have made a pass at Wyll that wasn't, er…enthusiastically received. Think I scared him off a bit," she finished ruefully.

Very much Wyll's loss, Dammon thought to himself. What he wouldn't give.

"Well, you picked the right place for drowning sorrows," he told her aloud. As if on cue, there was a loud chorus of booing as an empty glass went hurtling across the room to land on the low stage, where the half-orc lute player promptly lobbed it back into the crowd with a shattering crash. Dammon raised his arm out in demonstration of his point; Karlach was already cracking up.

"Fucking missed this city," she laughed, wiping a tear of mirth from her eye. They each took a generous drink of ale.

But Karlach wasn't distracted for long. "I just wish, you know?" She sighed. "I wish I could be with someone who understands a little bit. Sex is fabulous on its own, but I want everything, all of it."

"What's stopping you?" Dammon asked her, wondering what it would take for her to see him as a very viable option.

"So many things," she said. "I appreciate what you've done for me Dammon, please believe that I do, but…I still feel more machine than Karlach."

"I'm pretty handy with mechanics, you know." Dammon was flirting with her despite himself. He couldn't help it; she was so radiant and lovely as she sat there close beside him.

Karlach finally glanced over at him, and he saw in her eyes that she'd caught it.

"You must know I like you," she said, her voice low but intense. "Dammon, I like you so much. But you're so lovely, and I'm—" She gestured a hand down her front. "—This. Wild, unstable. What if I end up, I don't know, hurting you somehow?” She looked at him with a pained expression. “A guy like you deserves someone tender, and I'm not sure that's me."

All traces of joking were gone; the air between them had grown serious in a second. Dammon's heart thrummed strong against his ribs, and he reached for her fingers before he could stop himself.

"Maybe forget what you think I deserve, and listen to what I’m saying." He shook his head at her. "Karlach, you talk like you're some kind of monster. So you've got an infernal engine in your chest. And sure, you're tall as hell. But I mean, you've got plenty of—you're not short on any of the—" He was casting around for a gentlemanly way to describe her curves and realizing that it probably didn’t exist.

"Spit it out," Karlach teased him. But her expectant expression made his face grow warm.

"I just wish you wouldn't talk down about yourself like that," Dammon explained. "You're very womanly, and plenty desirable."

"Oh," she said, taken aback. Her free hand fiddled with the handle of her mug. "That's…no one's ever said something like that to me before."

What a damn shame that was. Dammon watched the doubt and confusion work over her features. How long had she thought of herself as nothing more than a tin soldier? He'd fixed what parts of her his hands could tend, but something in the way she saw herself was still broken.

Dammon squeezed her fingers under his. "Karlach, there's so much about you to love. That I love. You are…an incredibly beautiful woman. Don't you know that?"

Karlach stared at him with wide eyes; her face looked somehow younger and softer. For a person so sure of everyone else's worth, she seemed so blind and unsure of her own.

"I am?" She asked, so quietly it broke his heart a little.

Dammon could only think of answering with a kiss. He leaned in with a careful tilt of the head, eyes on her mouth—in the last second he was elated to feel her lean forward to close the distance.

He would've honestly, truly believed that there were sparks between them. There was the fiery warmth of her skin, but Dammon also felt a tingling jolt between their lips that had nothing to do with her heat. His insides sung at the feeling of her lips moving over his with just as much urgency as he felt.

Dammon pulled her face deeper to him with a hand at the back of her neck. As his tongue explored her mouth and sought hers, he felt one of Karlach’s palms rest against his thigh. He could have choked on the desire that rose in his throat at her touch.

They both pulled away at the same instant.

"Your place?" She prompted, breathless.

"Mine," Dammon agreed. It was only a few minutes away, and though his bed was cramped even for one, he expected they wouldn't be sleeping much.

Dammon dumped some coin on the bar in a rush before they made their way outside. The cool breeze through the streets made him realize just how flushed and heated his skin was. His arm sought Karlach's waist beside him as they walked, and a thrill went through him at how lovely it was to finally hold her close. She seemed to feel the same.

"Gods, I can't wait to ride you," she said huskily. Dammon tried to keep a grip on his composure; her brazen eagerness made it very difficult. He settled for pulling her into a quick, heated kiss as they continued on.

The two of them practically stumbled over the dark cobblestones of the entryway in their haze, both buzzing with impatience and expectation. By the time his nervous fingers had finally made work of the lock to his quarters, they were on each other before the door had latched behind them.

Karlach's leg hitched up over his hip as she devoured his mouth. Dammon's hand gripped behind her knee at once, holding their bodies steady against each other, kissing her back with sheer years of pent-up enthusiasm.

"You're strong," Karlach said as she surfaced, sounding pleased and surprised at once.

"'I'd hope so, after throwing around that hammer so long."

"You can throw me around." After a pause she added, "That's an invitation."

"I got that," Dammon grinned, absolutely smitten with her, and captured her lips again.

He guided them both toward the far end of his room and tumbled over her when they reached the mattress. His hands grazed the edge of her shirt, desire muddling his understanding of how to undo the many buckles and straps.

She took more pity on him than he deserved. Almost before he could blink she had freed herself of all her clothing, laying back naked before him on his bed. Pale, dim moonlight from the window illuminated her figure.

She was extraordinary.

Dammon quickly tugged his shirt past his snagging horns, wishing to feel her skin against his as soon as possible. Even before his head was free, he felt Karlach’s fingers helping with his pants, tugging them down past his hips and sliding them off onto the floor.

He hovered over her as they gazed at each other. The promise of bare flesh against flesh was almost overwhelming, now they were here. Dammon leaned down to place a tender kiss on her lips and then descended to explore her neck.

Karlach’s arms clutched him eagerly as he kissed along her soft, warm skin. When he made his way down to her chest, he placed lips tenderly above her breast where the soft ticking of machinery resounded. It may not be a flesh and blood heart, but its rhythm was no less dear to him. She let out a soft, low hum.

Dammon wished he had more patience to linger. But instead he pushed his body down between her thighs, glancing up to check in on her for just a moment. Karlach watched him with a pained expression, lips parted—as if afraid he might not follow through with what his movements suggested.

He wouldn't be teasing her for one second tonight. Dammon leaned down and ran the warm flat of his tongue up over her center.

His head was jerked slightly to the side as she grabbed at one of his horns with a moan. He didn't break from her, only licked at her steadily, smoothing and spreading her wetness up and over her soft folds.

Even after all the work he'd done to cool her, she was still molten hot under his tongue—he thanked every god in the universe for his natural resistance. His lips closed firmly over her clit, sucking the spot as his tongue rolled her side to side in an achingly slow rhythm.

"Holy fuck," she panted from somewhere above him. "Holy fuck, Dammon—"

He curled one arm under and around her thigh, used thumb and index finger to spread her better for his mouth. He released his lips’ suction with an obscenely wet sound, replacing it with the circling pad of his thumb. She was delicious, but he sought to taste her deeper.

Dammon's tongue plunged deep into her cunt, so far that his nose pressed against where his fingers worked against her clit.

Karlach cried out and squirmed violently under his mouth. Dammon's arms held her firm, angling her hips up and open against his searching mouth. His tongue thrust over and over unto her unbelievable heat as he tasted the sweet center of her, felt her satin walls constrict around him with each nudge of his tongue.

By now his own erection pressed painfully into the bed under him. He only shifted a little and continued on. She had so much more time to make up for, and Dammon was determined to be the one to satisfy her.

It wasn't long before Karlach's thighs were trembling against his ears. "Please," she whimpered desperately, nails clutching his hair to hold his face against her, as if begging him not to stop. He wouldn't have dreamed of it. His mouth worked her over with more enthusiasm than ever, swirling and sucking against her hot folds.

When she came around his tongue, the rush of her heat burst against his mouth and gushed out from her core. Dammon thought he might come just from the way her legs clenched desperately to keep his mouth working over her. He lapped up her sweet release faithfully with his tongue, even as his ears took in the far sweeter sounds of her shuddering, gasping moans.

Only once the twitching waves of her climax were receding under his lips did he glance up over her to see her face.

Karlach’s eyes were closed, an expression of transcendent bliss painting her features. As he watched her pant through parted lips, her eyes opened slightly to look down at him where he still hovered between her thighs. He knew the lower half of his face must be dripping with her climax.

With a guttural sound, Karlach’s legs gripped around his middle to pull him just to where her arms could take over and guide him up over her. Dammon gathered himself just in time to land with palms braced on either side of her.

“Wait—” Dammon started, wishing to clean himself up first, but she was already pulling him into a kiss. She licked across his lips, tasting herself on him, before her tongue demanded entry into his mouth. He yielded more than willingly.

His painfully hard cock grazed her thigh as he moved over her. Karlach groaned into his mouth; the vibration of her lips against his sent yet another rush of blood to his throbbing length.

She broke away with a fresh glint of arousal already building behind her eyes. “Inside,” she directed him. “Right fucking now.”

Dammon needed no more encouragement. With fingers grasping under her back, he firmly lifted her body up and over his lap. The way she landed over him pressed her still-dripping heat against the underside of his cock. A trembling groan escaped him at the sensation. Nevertheless, he gathered himself enough to scoot back against the headboard for support.

Before he could fully prepare himself, Karlach’s hand had guided his tip between her folds. In the next motion, she descended down around his whole length at once.

“Fuck,” Dammon gasped. He wished he could find something more eloquent or romantic to describe the feeling, but his mind was wholly overwhelmed by the fiery warmth that gripped all around his cock. He could even feel her walls still fluttering against him from her recent climax. His fingertips dug into the flesh of her hips.

They crossed glances as she sat still to take him for a moment. Karlach’s eyes shone with desire and excitement, and something almost like love. One of Dammon’s hands slid up along her spine, dipping her neck down, capturing her lips in a tender kiss. He felt his mouth shaking slightly against hers.

“Every time alone, I imagined this,” Karlach breathed against him as they parted.

Dammon thought he might unravel completely at her words. He leaned back against the hard wood behind him, eyes taking in every beautiful inch of her flesh, inviting her to do whatever she wanted with him.

She accepted the offer wordlessly. As her fingers clasped behind his neck, Karlach rocked her hips up and down over his length. He felt his jaw go slack at the feel of her heat surrounding him, taking him, over and over and over—

Dammon’s grip dug into her hips to add more force with each of her rhythmic thrusts down onto him. He gazed up at her with pure adoration as she took him. The feel of her warm skin against his lit a fire in his chest; his cock throbbed against the hot, squeezing silk of her walls.

“You’re so beautiful,” Dammon gasped before he could think. It was the truth, and she deserved to be told it—she deserved everything. He held her tight on his lap as took him, chasing her next release. Karlach’s hips faltered for a moment, and he realized she was already close.

Dammon felt her thighs trembling against him and pushed his back up straight to hold her closer as she rode his length. His palms pressed against her back, strong forearms circling and supporting her as she started to come apart yet again.

And she did—with a shuddering quake, Karlach grabbed his shoulders and let out a jumbled cry that was some mix of obscenities and his name.

She was incredible. Dammon watched the agony and ecstasy on her face as long as he could bear, as she rode out her second orgasm onto him, as her tight heat gripped and pulsed relentlessly around his cock. In the next moment his eyes squeezed shut as he was thrown wide to the delayed force of his own release, his hands spasming against her back as stars burst bright behind his eyelids.

After a long moment filled with nothing but the sounds of them keening and panting against each other, her chin dropped over his shoulder. Dammon felt her arms circle to grip around him tight.

As he listened to her breathing slow, she began to shake against him again.

This time it was from the quiet sobs that heaved up from her chest. He held her head against the crook of his shoulder and stroked her hair as her tears flowed, feeling the droplets splash against and roll down his back.

Karlach cried from joy, blessed relief, aching sadness…from the pain of so much lost time and the knowledge of her limited future. It wasn't fair, none of it, and Dammon didn't know a single thing to say that might ease her burdened heart.

Engine or no, she had more heart than anyone he'd ever known. He could only hold her to him tight as could be.

Seeking to comfort her further, Dammon worked his hips down the bed with her seated on him and tipped their connected bodies gently backwards. She collapsed without resistance on top of and against him. At least he could support her for a while, even if it was just with his silent body.

After a little while, Karlach raised her head to look at him. Her face was streaked with tear tracks, but she was trying to smile through trembling lips. "I'm s-sorry," she choked out.

Dammon’s heart couldn’t bear it. He silenced her at once with a kiss. "Don't apologize to me," he whispered to her as he broke away, "or to anyone, ever."

He gathered her back up in his arms immediately. Karlach didn’t protest, only rested her cheek against his chest with a shuddering sigh. Dammon was vaguely aware of the sheen of sweat cooling all over his bare skin, but with her warm body nestled back up against him, he was more than comfortable.

Dammon pressed his lips to the skin of her forehead. He closed his eyes to focus on the way his heart beat against her chest; the steady hum of her body reverberated against him in response. Despite everything, the sound was dearer to him than he thought possible.

“Ready to go again?” Karlach asked suddenly.

Dammon chuckled low in his chest, feeling the delayed ache in his limbs and realizing a bit late that the night’s exertions had only just begun.

“Give me a few minutes,” he requested with a lazy smile. “We’ve got time.”

#i love them i love them i love them #pls someone tell me their ship name #karlach x dammon #dammon x karlach #kardammon #bg3 karlach #bg3 dammon #bg3 fanfiction #bg3 spoilers #baldur's gate 3 #infernal metal #heartforge

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hoedamn-eron · 6 months

Text

baby, please - part 15

You join Santi at Frankie's Halloween party, and you think his friends are a hoot.

Warnings: Reader is called 'Auntie' by a four year old. Heavy on the Halloween theme (obviously). Bad descriptions of a decorated house (I've never been one to celebrate Halloween, I've never really decorated my house). Lots of dialogue. Like one swear word. Slight, teeny-tiny, self-consciousness regarding future relationships for the babies/Santi/the boys/other kids. Nervousness over meeting new people. Slightly drunk Santi. Word count: 4,301 F!Reader, no use of Y/N.

Again, not a great chapter, I apologise. I tried my best and no amount of rewriting could make me love it. But at least you've met the guys now!

Part 14 ● Series Masterlist ● Part 16

“I’m actually really excited for tonight, thanks for inviting me,” Gabrielle said as she walked into your apartment, kids in tow, already dressed in their costumes, the Hulk and…Michael Myers.

Theodore looked up at you as you closed your door, and he gave a loud roar, before ‘flexing’ his arms. “Hulk smash!”

You grinned before pretending to act shocked. “Please, Mr Hulk, don’t smash up my apartment! I’m moving out soon and need it to look nice for the new owners.”

“Are you leaving?” Theodore asked, lifting his mask, and looking at you with sad eyes.

You shake your head. “No, I’m just getting a bigger house, for me and my babies.” You pat your bump.

“Okay,” Theodore said, going quiet before asking, “Can I smash your new house then?”

“No smashing of other people’s property,” Gabrielle said, putting Luna down on the floor as the two-year-old toddled off into your living room.

You look at Gabrielle with an amused look at Theodore followed his sister. “So…Michael Myers?”

Gabrielle rolled her eyes as she made her way through your apartment, bags in hand. “I don’t know where she got it from, but she refused any other costume. I asked Matthew about it, but he’s claiming ignorance. It was definitely him though, but I’m not sure when he’s had the chance to watch Halloween with our two-year-old.”

You throw your hands up. “I mean…if Luna likes it – “

“Won’t people think I’m being a bad mother letting her dress up as a serial killer from a movie?”

“No-one’s going to think you’re a bad mother, Gabs. If anything, they’ll find it funny. I know Santi will.”

Gabrielle pulled a face before shaking her head. “It’s fine. You know what, it’ll be fine. I’m overthinking it.”

“You are a little. Seriously, don’t worry about it.” You look at her bags. “What are you dressing as?”

“A pirate,” Gabrielle replied. “And I made it myself with an old shirt and pants. They haven’t fit me since before I was pregnant with Luna so I thought they might as well have one last good use.”

You nod. “Cool. I’m going as Midge, you know, the - ”

“The Barbie doll?” Gabrielle cried, her eyes widening as she laughed. “That’s genius!”

“I have a wig and everything,” you laugh with her. “I hope it’s not too niche.”

“No, it’s great! I can’t wait to see it!”

You get ready together in your small bathroom as the kids watched cartoons and ate some dinner (Luna had refused to take off her mask until Gabrielle had bought out the PB&J sandwich and banana). Gabrielle looked amazing in her home-made costume (an old stripy black and white t-shirt, and some black pants that had been strategically cut to look ripped), complete with eyepatch and red head scarf. She helped you get into your costume until you both laughed with tears in your eyes, finding yourselves absolutely hilarious. You laughed even more when you placed on your red-haired wig.

“I need a photo!” Gabrielle said, still laughing, before you posed at the bathroom door as she took the picture, a wide smile on your face as you hold your bump.

After a few more laughs, and some photos with Gabrielle and the kids, you share the photos with the group chat, where Beth and Courtney both send back images of their own Halloween plans; Courtney at home with Andy, on the couch watching horror films with a big bowl of candy they were going to hand out to the trick or treaters, and Beth and Georgia at another Halloween party with Georgia’s family, where they were both dressed in a couple’s costume of She-Go and Kim Possible.

Once you and Gabrielle were ready, and the kids had finished their sandwiches, you text Santi to let him know you were on the way to Frankie’s house. He had sent over Frankie’s address earlier that day, and it wasn’t too far from the restaurant you had your date at. You set up your GPS as Gabrielle got the kids settled in the back of your car, settled in the car seats you had borrowed from Georgia via Beth.

“Are you nervous?” Gabrielle asked as she climbed into your car and closed the door.

“About what?” you ask, looking behind you as you backed out of your parking space.

“Me meeting Santi, or Santi meeting me,” Gabrielle answered.

“No, not at all,” you answer back, pulling out onto the street. “I’m more nervous about meeting his friends. He holds them in such high regard, I’m scared I’ll disappoint them.”

“You could never,” Gabrielle says. “You’re having the guys kids, I’m sure they’ll trust his judgement.”

You give her a look.

“Not that there’s anything to judge, you’re a wonderful person, I love you,” Gabrielle quickly adds, sending you a wide smile with a small giggle.

“Thanks, really appreciate it,” you snark back good-naturedly, shaking your head as you laugh.

“Auntie?” Theodore calls you from his place in the back.

“Yes, honey?” you ask him as you stop at some lights.

“When are your babies coming?”

“Not until February,” you reply. “We have to do Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year, and my birthday, then I’ll have my babies.”

“Can we meet them when they’re born?” Theodore asks.

“Not until they’re all settled at home,” Gabrielle said. “Remember when we bought Luna home, and it was just me, you, Luna, and daddy for a while?”

“Yup,” Theodore said.

“Well that’s because we all needed to get to know Luna first, wasn’t it?” Gabrielle asked. “So your Auntie and…her…friend…”

You smirk in amusement as Gabrielle tried to explain your relationship with Santi in a child friendly way. You make a right turn, making your way onto a residential street, already with a few trick or treaters.

“Anyway, your Auntie and her friend will be with the babies for a little bit before we get to see them.”

“Who is your friend, Auntie?” Theodore asked.

“His name is Santiago,” you reply. “You’ll meet him tonight.”

Theodore is quiet for a little bit before saying, “I thought mommies and daddies had to be married to have babies?”

“Who’s excited for the party?” you asked enthusiastically, causing Luna to cheer, Theodore soon joining, causing the four-year-old to soon forget his questions.

Gabrielle grinned before quietly whispering, “Nice save, you heathen.”

“I may be a heathen, but you will have to explain to your kids why I’m pregnant without being married. We’re here!” you call, pulling up to a nice-looking house, covered in Halloween decorations. The house was covered in fake cobwebs and ‘Keep Out!’ tape was stuck on the doors and windows.

There was a large, blow-up witch by the front door, and a few fake gravestones littering the front yard, some skeletons hanging over some, and you could see fake spiders with light up eyes scattered over the yard with them. The lighting inside the house was lightly fading into different colours, like purple, red, green, and orange. Lastly, you spot Jack-o’-Lanterns gathered together by the garage and the steps leading up the small porch, and the front door.

“This looks nice,” you say, looking at all the decorations.

Gabrielle nodded, smiling. “Looks like fun! Let’s go!”

You climb out of the car, giving a small shiver at the chill of the Autumn air, before getting Luna out as Gabrielle tended to Theodore. You hold the two years old’s hand as Gabrielle comes to your side, holding Theodore’s hand and the children’s bag over her shoulder. You all make your way up to the front door, before you stop, but you stand there, nervous. The sound of laughter, chatter, and faint music spills out from it, mingling with the rustle of fallen leaves.

You look at Gabrielle. “I feel really nervous. And really stupid because I feel really nervous.”

“It’s okay to feel nervous, and you’re not stupid,” Gabrielle said. “There’s a lot of things happening tonight, and if you’re not comfortable, we can just forget this and walk around the neighbourhood with the kids.”

You take a few deep breaths, trying to calm your rapidly beating heart. Gabrielle was right, there was a lot happening tonight. One of the most important people in your life is meeting an equally as important person. And in turn, you’ll be meeting the most important people in his life. You're grateful for Gabrielle’s comforting presence of your friend, her reassuring smile helping to ease the nervous tension.

Eventually you nod at Gabrielle before turning back to the door before ringing the doorbell.

After a few moments, your heart stops as the front door opens. You’re faced with a gorgeous woman, her thick, dark hair cascading in loose waves, sat under a witch’s hat. It framed her face, where her flawless sun-kissed skin was decorated with the glitter and Halloween make-up. She looks at you all with her dark eyes before gasping, her eyes widening in excitement. She calls your name.

“Yes, that’s me,” you say, smiling nervously. You assume this is Sarah. ��And this is Gabrielle, my friend. And her kids, Theodore, and Luna.”

“I’m so glad you could make it! I’m Sarah. I’ve been so excited to meet you, can’t believe Santi kept you to himself for so long. Anyway, come in, come in,” she ushers you all in, closing the door behind you. “Your costumes look fantastic! Everyone’s just in the living room, I can put your bag in the closet?” she asks Gabrielle.

“Oh, no I’m fine, thank you, I can do it,” Gabrielle said.

“It’s no problem,” Sarah said, taking the bag from Gabrielle. “Go on through!”

You and Gabrielle thank her again before you make your way through the house. It was a small corridor that lead into an open plan living room, where it was just as heavily decorated as the outside. You feel your heart beating harder as nervousness ran through your body, as you take in the people in the living room. It was a little loud, but not too loud where it was obnoxious. The kids immediately let go of yours and Gabrielle’s hands at the sight of the toys scattered around the living room, throwing themselves on the floor and immediately playing.

Your eyes widen a little as you take in the small crowd. Santi wasn’t here. And you didn’t recognise anyone other than Frankie (who hadn’t actually put on a costume), and he was stood with a good-looking blonde man and a cute redheaded woman, who was hanging off of the man’s arm. The blonde and redhead were in a couple’s costume of Daphne and Fred from Scooby-Doo. Frankie chuckled at something the pirate said, before turning and catching your eye.

“Oh hey!” Frankie called as he saw you. He excuses himself from his group and makes his way over to you. “Glad you could make it.”

“Thanks again for the invite,” you say, giving a nervous laugh before turning to Gabrielle, who smiled at him. “This is my friend, Gabrielle, and her kids Theodore and Luna, who are absolutely demolishing your daughter’s toys.”

Frankie waved a nonchalant hand. “Don’t worry about it. Nice to meet you,” Frankie says, shaking Gabrielle’s hand.

“You too. And thanks again for letting me join you,” Gabrielle replied. “My kids love Halloween.”

“It’s not a problem,” Frankie says before turning to you. “Pope just ran out, he’ll be back in a few.”

You nod, letting out a breath you didn’t realise you were holding.

“Come over, make yourselves at home,” Frankie said, leading you both over to the people who he was talking to. “These are Will and Claire, I’m sure Pope’s mentioned them to you before.”

“Hi,” you say, Gabrielle giving a small wave.

“What can I get you to drink?” Frankie asked.

“Lemonade, please, if you have it,” Gabrielle said.

Frankie nodded before looking at you.

You really wanted Diet Coke, but you’d just met these people and you felt like it would be really rude to just…ask for something they might not have. Maybe you could just have a water? No, that was a bit boring, especially at a party, but you were pregnant, so it was the healthiest choice and no-one would question if you just wanted a water. God, you’re overthinking over a drink. You wouldn’t be so on edge if Santi was here, you wouldn’t be as worried to ask anything.

“A lemonade is fine for me too, thanks,” you reply.

Frankie nodded again before claiming he’d be back soon. He disappears through to the kitchen, not before stopping to give Sarah, now carrying a little girl dressed as a fairy (who was the image of Frankie), a quick peck before disappearing into the kitchen.

“It’s nice to finally meet you,” Will says gently. You got a chill vibe from him, although he looked rough and tumble. “Pope’s told us all about you.”

“All good things, I hope,” you say with a nervous smile as Frankie leaves towards the kitchen.

“Absolutely,” said Will, smiling as he pulled Claire into his side, her hand automatically resting on his chest, her engagement ring glinting in the Halloween themed lights. “You and the kids are all he talks about nowadays.”

You hold back a grin as Gabrielle gave you a small nudge.

“It’s been nice, that he wants to stick around,” you say, your cheeks warming. “Having kids wasn’t in my plans right now, and I could only guess they definitely weren’t in his.”

“They weren’t, but Pope’s always been good at adapting. And he’s really warmed up to the idea of being a dad,” Will said, giving a nod. “He’s dedicated to ‘em already.”

“Not dedicated enough to get a fucking car, though,” said Frankie, jokingly, suddenly coming up behind you with two glasses of cloudy lemonade in his hands.

“He said he’s working on it,” you said, coming to Santi’s defence, before taking a glass from Frankie and thanking him.

Gabrielle thanked Frankie for the other lemonade before looking between you all. “Is he fond of the truck?”

Frankie snorted, now nursing his own beer bottle. “He’d marry the truck if he could. He bought it when we came back from our first mission. Surprised it still runs.”

“Whose kid is Michael Myers?” a deep voice asked from behind you.

You turn to see a tall, blonde man, dressed – ironically – as a pirate. His eyes were the same colour at Will’s, and they looked similar, so you had to assume this was Benny. He was carrying a pack of beer in one arm, an open can in the other hand. He looks at everyone with a furrowed brow, confused about you and Gabrielle – obviously because you were unfamiliar.

“She’s mine,” Gabrielle said, rolling her eyes. “Don’t ask.”

“Holy shit, we match!” Benny cried, his grin widening as he motioned to their outfits. “Here I thought I was being clever being a pirate!”

Gabrielle gave a small, amused laugh. “Your costume is better than mine, I just threw this together.”

“Nah, you look great!” Benny said, and you could tell he meant it. He reminded you a little of a Golden Retriever; a dumb, loving, Golden Retriever.

“Well…thanks,” Gabrielle said, blushing a little as she took a sip of her lemonade.

Benny’s eyes landed on you, before smirking. “Been looking forward to meeting you.”

“Be nice,” Frankie said, giving Benny a pointed look.

“He bothering you, cariño?”

You turn so suddenly, you’re surprised you didn’t give yourself whiplash. Your breath catches. Santi's dressed as a charming vampire, complete with the fake-bloodied holes on his neck, a black cape and fake fangs that glint as he grins at you. As if they feel their father near (or, you know, the sudden acceleration of your heartbeat), you feel a few kicks from within, a reminder of the two lives quietly developing beneath the surface.

Realising you may have taken too long to answer, you shake your head. “No, no. He isn’t bothering me.”

Santi gives a small laugh of amusement before he holds up a case of Diet Coke cans. “Had to get these, since Frankie isn’t accommodating for new guests.”

“Hey, hermano, I would have gotten them if I’d known,” Frankie says, with mock offence, before giving Santi a pointed look. “Don’t blame me for your bad planning!”

Santi throws him the bird before pulling a can from the pack. “Might be a bit warm, I can put the rest in the fridge. Unless you want to wait?”

Oh, you love this man. You want to marry this man.

“I’ll finish my lemonade first, thank you,” you say, smiling softly. “I’ll have a Coke later.”

Santi nods before putting the can back in the pack before he glares at Benny. “Don’t be an ass.”

“I wasn’t!” he called as Santi walked off into the kitchen. He turned to look at you. “I wasn’t going to be an ass, I swear.”

“I believe you,” you say, nodding as you sip at your lemonade.

“Go and put your beer in the fridge,” said Will, laughing.

Benny rolled his eyes, muttering something you couldn’t quite hear, before he turned and followed Santi through to the kitchen, calling for him.

“So uh…that’s Santi?” Gabrielle asks you quietly.

You sigh lightly, giving her a look. “Yup.”

“Cute. Nice hair. And a nice smile…I assume, he’s got fangs in.”

“He does have a nice smile,” you say, before smirking. “Nice ass, too.”

You both snort a laugh in amusement before going quiet when Santi and Benny come back, talking animatedly about something that you couldn’t quite keep up with, beers in their hands. You avert your gaze, looking at Gabrielle, who smirked back at you as she sipped at her lemonade. You shake your head as Santi stands next to you, Benny next to him.

“What have I missed?” he asked, looking at the group.

“Introductions, mostly,” you say, motioning to Gabrielle. “This is Gabrielle. Gabs, this is Santi.”

Gabrielle and Santi shake hands. “Nice to meet you,” Gabrielle says.

“You too,” Santi says. He nods to Theodore and Luna, who were still sat playing with the toys. “I’m assuming Michael Myers and the Hulk are yours?”

“They are,” Gabrielle says, letting out a small laugh. “Theodore and Luna. She insisted on being Michael Myers.”

“Girl’s got taste, it’s my favourite horror film,” Benny said, laughing.

As the night goes on, more and more guests show up, and the house is soon full of people. Sarah’s brothers and sister had turned up with their kids, and Theodore and Luna soon integrated themselves with the other children, who ranged from aged 6 months old to 9 years old. Sofía had even joined after a while, although she played mostly on her own, beside Luna, who still had yet to take off her mask.

Sarah had set up some Halloween activities in the back yard; she’d set up a table with some pumpkins of various sizes and some carving sets, mostly for the older kids, but you and Gabrielle helped Theodore and Luna make their own pumpkins. Sarah had also set up a large box filled with water and apples for bobbing, something you opted out of, but howled with laughter when you watched the Miller brothers almost try to drown each other in order to win. Santi was by your side throughout.

You talked to so many people; mostly about work, how your pregnancy was going, if you were enjoying the party. You had to admit, you were having fun, and it was nice to see Santi interacting with his friends. He was…different. But in a good way. He seemed more laidback, chatted a little more, and you got to see him interact with Sofía. He loved that little girl. She was just learning to walk, and she would always find herself toddling over to Santi and reach up for him.

There was never a lull in conversation as he picked her up, it was almost as if it was instinctive for him. It made your heart swell.

The guys didn’t let you down in telling you embarrassing stories about Santi.

You started wondering what it would be like with your kids. Would he take them to Halloween parties like this? Would your children and Sofía grow up together and become friends? Would Frankie, Will, and Benny be as involved as they were with Sofía? You suppose it would be harder, with you and Santi not being an actual couple. They would only see the twins on whichever schedule you and Santi eventually decide between yourselves, and even then, that might not be every time Santi has them.

You look around the living room, holding your long empty Diet Coke can. Benny and Gabrielle were standing with the kids, talking about whatever they were talking about (something to do with boxing…you remember Benny had done some cage fighting), and Frankie and Sarah were putting Sofía to bed. Santi and Will were talking with Claire about wedding planning; but it did look like Claire was doing most of the talking. It was cute, you looked forward to hearing more about it.

You took the opportunity to sneak away to the kitchen, grabbing a moment of peace and quiet. You toss your empty can into the recycling before opening the fridge to grab another.

“You okay, corazón?”

You give a small smile as you look at Santi, who had joined you in the kitchen, beer bottle in his hand. His eyes were a little unfocused, and he was giving you a little dopey smile, probably from the few beers he’d had. You close the fridge. “Yeah, I’m okay. Just grabbing another drink. Thanks for getting these, by the way.”

Santi nodded, leaning against one of the counters. “Not a problem. It was my fault Frankie didn’t have any, I did forget to tell him.”

You shake your head at him. “I would have gone without, you didn’t need to go to the store.”

“Benny was going anyway,” Santi said. “And I wanted to. They didn’t have any Sourpatch Kids though, you might have to steal some from the Trick or Treat bowl.”

You shake your head, grinning. “I’ve already looked, they’re not the watermelon ones.”

“Damn, you just can’t get the staff nowadays,” Santi joked.

You laugh as you open the can. You hold it out to him in a silent offer, and he shakes his head at you, finishing the beer he had with him.

You nod, then you both go silent, and you take a sip of your drink. Something felt…weird. You couldn’t put your finger on it. It wasn’t an awkward feeling, not at all. But now, in this moment, there was an unfamiliar tension in the air. You’d been alone together plenty of times before. Maybe it was because you’d really integrated in each other’s lives; his apartment had a fully furnished nursery, which you picked yourselves, you were both meeting each other’s friends, and you even had your own designated snack drawer in his kitchen for your favourite foods whenever you found yourself at his place.

Maybe that was it. A lot had happened in the last few days and it was getting to you.

“You okay?”

You blink at his question before giving him a closed lipped smile and nodding. “Yeah. Just tired.”

“You can go home if you want, no-one will mind,” Santi said, coming off the counter.

“No, no, I’m okay. Gabs and the kids are having a good time.”

“You sure?” he asks, coming closer to you. “I don’t want you uncomfortable. You’re carrying my kids in there.”

You give a small snort of amusement before nodding. “Yeah…yeah, I’m sure.”

He doesn’t say anything, just takes a few more steps closer to you. Your breath hitches, as you stare at him. The sounds of the party in just the next room seem to fade away, and all you can hear is the thumping of your heartbeat in your ears.

The atmosphere is charged with anticipation as you and Santi share a moment of connection. He’s so close, you feel your back hit the fridge, your noses touching. He smells faintly of the beer he’s been drinking, but mostly of the pumpkins he helped carve for Sofía, and the cologne he always wears, and something that was just plain Santiago. It was mouth-watering. His eyes flash to your lips before meeting yours. Your lips inch closer, teasing the promise of a sweet, stolen kiss in his best friend’s kitchen.

“What are you doing?” you whisper.

There’s a pause before he whispers back. “I don’t know.”

You lean in, your lips barely meeting when the spell is abruptly broken as the kitchen door opens.

Santi jumps apart from you as you gasp at the sudden movement, and before you know it, he’s across the other side of the kitchen, throwing away his empty beer.

Gabrielle walks into the kitchen, looking between the two of you, obviously reading the room. “Sorry. Didn’t mean to interrupt.”

You open your mouth to reply but Santiago shakes his head, a light blush on his cheeks as he grins at her. “No, we were just talking. Nothing going on.”

You freeze. No, that’s not what he meant. Don’t overthink this. He’s a little drunk and you’re having his kids. It’s understandable that he might be feeling a little friendly.

You give a shaky smile to Gabrielle. “Yeah, just talking.”

Gabrielle nodded as Santi mumbled something about re-joining the party and leaving the kitchen. You both watch him leave before you shake your head, trying to calm your breathing and your heart.

“What was that?” Gabrielle whispered, her eyes wide at you.

You shook your head. “I…nothing. It was nothing.”

Tagged - @khonsulockley, @bluenredndeath, @superficialfeelings, @othersideoftheparadise, @beezusvreeland

#triple frontier #santiago garcia x reader #santiago x reader #santiago garcia #oscar isaac #pregnant!reader #santiago garcia x f!reader #frankie morales #william miller #benny miller

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gingerylangylang1979 · 11 months

Text

Male identity: Carmy and Richie

I’m finding that a certain demographic of fans have a much harder time relating to Carmy but very much relate to Richie. Granted, a lot of this has to do with what fandom platform you observe. I actually kind of hate The Bear subreddit but continue to browse it periodically because it’s super interesting to hear what “the others” are talking about. I rarely engage anymore because it’s mostly nonsense and a totally different vibe than Tumblr. The contingent is definitely very anti-Carmy x Sydney and seems to hate Sydney. I’ve also noticed that while there is a lot of love for Carmy there is even more love for Richie. I’m very intrigued by this perspective.

This season Richie was definitely a standout. I think Ebon is an amazing actor and am glad he is finally getting nominated for his role. I thought he got robbed with the non-Emmy nominations. But even before S2 I noticed that Richie was the most favored character among the Reddit demo and perhaps a big part of the general audience. That’s fine, people can favor who they like. I know that doesn’t represent everyone but I do think that speaks for what I consider general audience and makes sense considering how society still views manhood despite social progress. This season even a lot of the reviews were kind of meh about Carmy. I get it, I initially was writing him off too, was pissed, and thought he had the worst arc. Then once thoughts settled he went back to being my hero. Deeply flawed, but I just relate to him so much and he’s fascinating to watch. I’m a woman, so maybe that helps my empathy. I also don’t think The Bear would work with Richie as the lead as some have suggested.

The thing is Carmy is a more difficult character because he has multiple layers of trauma, his work is so specialized and niche, he is a sensitive soul, he’s artistic, and he doesn’t fit the mold of the working class male models he was surrounded by. Your typical man can’t relate to him. And most likely your typical conservative leaning woman can’t either. At the Christmas party he was appalled at how the other guys were talking about Claire. And this is a woman he had a crush on and is present day attracted to. He could have easily been superficial and macho and laughed at the jokes as expected. He didn’t let Richie get away with calling Syd sweetheart. Richie says he’s “woke”. He employs a woman in a leadership role. He’s built different.

He is struggling in many ways that are hidden and he also lashes out. The hidden ways and the lashing out are interpreted as whiny and annoying by people that can’t relate. He’s been cited as not growing but people can’t acknowledge that his healing won’t be linear. But how can it be when his trauma was collected in overlapping seasons for most of his life? The pain didn’t develop in a linear path. He had a stutter when he was young. There are hints that there is a learning issue of some sort (I’m not going to try and diagnose). He was always the “different” one in the family. The other guys call him “weird”. His father was absent. His mom has mental health issues and is an alcoholic. He witnessed the traumatic incident at Christmas and I’m sure it wasn’t the only such incident. His brother was an addict that pushed him away, then killed himself. He went into a chaotic, highly demanding field that required him to isolate to excel. He is shy and has trouble forming close bonds. He had a mentally abusive boss. He was always super competitive. He comes back to own The Beef and it’s problem after problem. How are people expecting him to be “fun” and have an easy comeback like Richie?

Richie has issues, too. Stagnant in mid-life, spent years devoted to an addict, failed marriage, feeling disillusioned and displaced, also an absent father. But when we meet Richie he’s not as wounded as Carmy. Carmy is literally sleep cooking, almost starting fires, dissociating, having panic attacks. Richie is sad but it mostly manifests as him being kind of nasty and grumpy. He’s like a sour old man with dated and offensive jokes. His behavior is dismissed because he’s grieving. Which yes, he deserves a pass. But why does he deserve a bigger pass than Carmy who is dealing with so much more or Sydney who seemed to bear the biggest brunt of his outrage and was also struggling? Carmy is literally on the verge of a breakdown and has the weight of trying to keep the staff, the business, and himself afloat. Despite all this Richie gets a lot of indulgences for his bad behavior that Carmy isn’t.

Richie is easier for a lot of people to digest because he’s funny, he’s the working class representative, he’s tall (yes people have height bias, especially with men). Carmy is viewed as the pompous prodigal son that’s trying to ruin Richie’s delicate ecosystem by gentrifying and kicking out “the working man”. There are people posting in disgust that he dare change The Beef despite it being a hell hole money pit.

It’s just so interesting that in reality we are dealing with an unprecedented numbers of men who report extreme loneliness, depression, hopelessness. Richie and Carmy both fit that profile. Yet, a man like Richie is broadly understood and accepted and a man like Carmy isn’t. It goes back IMO to the continual coding of masculine/good vs feminine/bad. Richie is the stereotypical red blooded American male. He wants the stripper’s panties. He has a gun. He needs to be alpha. He views anything outside the norm as a threat. He wants to preserve tradition at all costs. Carmy is his foil. Carmy is viewed as feminine.

I see it even on Tumblr with the persistent identification of Carmy as somehow feminine. Like he can’t be soft and traumatized and just be a man. So what does that say when even people who would probably consider themselves progressive still classify a man in feminine terms if he isn’t a MAN? We accept all types of gender identities but still struggle with a man not fitting the correct paradigm. Society still has issues accepting that men can be vulnerable and struggling without being feminized. People also make assumptions about Carmy’s gender identity and sexuality based on his trauma. Like, of course he has to be XYZ because well, look at him, he’s sad an pathetic. What does that say about men’s sexuality and identity? Are only queer men accepted as sad? Carmy could be a queer character, cool, representation matters. But I just find the semi-automatic equation of queerness with an atypical male to be odd and a bit regressive.

Edited to add on above: I hope what I’m saying doesn’t get interpreted as dismissing queer people who identify with Carmy. I get it, I support it. What I’m speaking to is the insistence that canon Carmy is queer because of his interests, aesthetic, and mental health as if that is the only identity option. Granted, he could be bi. I also think some people are insistent on this, just as they are on Syd not being into men, as a way to negate the possibility of them being romantic. Again, I’m saying some people. Also, proximity and shared struggle doesn’t equal identity. This makes me think of once when a white gay male bestie claimed we are the same because I’m a black women. I had to kindly correct. We share the same haters, we are both marginalized, but he will never know my experience just like I will never know his. We can bond on the commonalities but we aren’t exactly the same. IMO, it would be a disservice to both of us to claim different.

I’m really rambling, but just thought I would share my thoughts and open a conversation about this.

#the bear fx #carmy berzatto #richie jerimovich #men in cinema #men in tv #masculinity #male identity

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