#this is the worst and best thing ive ever made tbh

[b0mblover]

Luchidashi consuming brick fic

By: J

(Aka, “Hey Yall Watch This”)

thanks to beatroot for title 💀

Do NOT EAT BRICKS its awful that i even have to say this but Luchika does NOT condone eating bricks And nor do I.

Luchika was hungry, he had grown up going hungry, everyday, but not like this, kunai never seemed to need to eat, sure both of them were dead, but luchika still felt hunger. 

He had asked kunai about it before, only getting a shrug in return.

Luchika at 2 in the morning started pacing around the small apartment, it was something to take his mind off of his hunger,,

“Lu? the hell are you doin?” Tadashi slurred out, he had clearly been sleeping peacefully.

“Huh? oh its” he paused “nothing”

“Uh huh and youre just so happening to be pacing at 2 in the morning?” Tadashi was stupid sure but- okay thats really all

“I- well-“ he sighed defeatedly.

“Just tell me what it is” tadashi put his hand behind luchika, making him walk to “his” bedroom.

“Well- i, i dunno just-“ kunai sat down ok the edge of the bed motioning luchika to do the same. 

Luchika sat on the bed aswell before starting again, “I dunno, just, yknow how you never get hungry?” he asked rhetorically. “mhm?” “I still do get hungry and i dont know why, and obviously its hard to just go out and get food because- well you know”

Kunai sat in thought for a minute, trying to understand what Luchika meant.

“So what youre saying is, youre hungry” 

“Yea?”

“and you cant and or wont go steal anything to eat”

“Uh yea??”

“and youve kept this from me for how long?”

“Um, i dunno- since we started living together? i guess?”

Kunai sighed, 

“Come here” luchika did as he was told and walked over to where kunai was pointing

“You see that brick there?”

“Yea?”

“If you get hungry, just pull it out, youll see” Kunai had hidden snacks behind the brick, for whatever reason unknown to luchika.

“A-ah, well- thank you” luchika was confused, did kunai want him to eat the brick?

“Youre welcome, now go get some rest, you look tired”

“Okay, thank you!” (😊 SEN YOU GET YHID JOKE RIGHT) 

luchika walked out of kunais “room” going to his own.

He flopped down onto his own bed, before letting himself be consumed by the warm blanket under him, he hadnt even took of his shoes 

(yes luchika just threw himself ok the bed and fell asleep he look like he would)

The next day luchika woke up at 14, he wouldve slept longer, but his stomach had other plans. He felt if he had ate anything like hed throw it up.

He walked around the cramped apartment, looking for Kunai, after 10 minutes of looking, he realised that Tadashi mustve went out. 

He remembered what Kunai said about the brick, he thought it was stupid, but he knew if he didnt eat something now, hed regret it later. 

Luchika walked to the spot kunai had been pointing at, caressing the brick wall trying to find the one he had pulled out the night prior (yk he doesnt pull out he…)

before resting his hands on one that moved, kunai had stuck it in slightly deeper than the rest, probably to mark where it was (SHUT UP 😭)

Luchika worked with his nails to pull it out, after struggling for 5 minutes, succeeding. 

He sat the brick down on the floor, was he seriously about to eat a whole ass brick just because he was hungry? yes. yes he was.

-

He brought the brick up to his mouth, questioning if itd break his teeth. he knawed on a corner for a while, getting used to the slughtly crumbly texture, the apartment was quite old so it made sense. 

He tried to break some off in his hands to make it easier, but failed, so he went back to the corner, he swallowed the broken bits of brick like it was his last meal, attempting to savor the “flavor” or lack thereof..

He started to cough, breathing heavily, turns out, eating rubble of bricks thats dry and crumbbly will do that.

He didnt have any water, the utilities had been shut off since he died, they used candles to even see.

No bottled water in sight, he kept coughing, he believed he heard a door shut, however it was only 13 by that point, he wasnt hopeful that kuani had came back that fast.

But of course luchika had to be wrong, there in the doorway, he seen a black silhouette, through the tears and constant coughing, it was hard to make out.

“Lu? what the hell.. what did you do?”

luchika contiuned to cough, attempting to gasp for air, yet again, failing.

Luchika watched as the silhouette disappeared into the darkness again, he attempted to cry out for them to not leave, but only made a strange spitting (?) noise.

Kunai returned with a bottle of water and opened it for him, he had stolen some from god knows where, he reasoned with himself that i was “just incase”, this was the only logical argument hes ever made in his life and non life. 

He moved the bottle up to luchikas mouth before tipping his head back, luchika followed kunais movement, letting the slightly cool water pour into his mouth and throat, 

He had a lot to explain.

(arent u guys so happy that i write so many ppl eating so many things they shouldnt? yk, (to the like two ppl that seen it) the tadajiro bathroom thjng, j was planning to force jiro to eat the shampoo, but i thought thatd be too mean 🥰 /j.)

(hi shlopt)

#j writes badly #no beta we die like jirou #hiya shlopt great to see you on this *checks hell kitty watch* 23:59 #this is the worst and best thing ive ever made tbh #vaugely proud of this #dont eat bricks #that tag is meant to say hello kitty watch but its funnier if i leave jt alone

[fortunately-bi]

...... If I went on a hiatus for who knows how long again would y'all hate me....... 👉👈

#i just spent like an hour writing and rewriting a post trying to explain myself amd its just so hard to put into words #im bored here but not in a ew not enough content for the dopamine hit shit #in like a every time i scroll through I dont smile I dont see anything that makes me happy at all i dont get a laugh or anything #its just mindless brain rotting scrolling nothing wasting my time hoping maybe ill see a new artist to follow or something #and every time its nothing #so much nothing taking up so much of my time and space in my life and i already dont have a lot of time to begin with #ive made some awesome friends here ive had lovers from here ive had people who are no longer on this earth from here who ill never forget #i dont think ive really enjoyed anything on here in 7 years #ive left before for a really long time i think like a year or more or something #and i wont be totally unreachable of people message me ill respond but im so sick of this stupid app taking up my life #and all i ever get out of it is getting mad or getting depressed over shit that really is t worth my mental state over #all i ever feel on here is that the world fuckin sucks and theres not even anything here to make hanging around worth it #im not new to this site making me suicidal for an abundance of reasons and im luckily in a spot where i wont actually hurt myself #its just ideation and intrusive thoughts but its a pattern i cant keep ignoring #also im old tumblr im old tumblr and i think i will always be old tumblr im just not catching on to new shit anymore #the fact im even saying anything about a hiatus should show how pld tumblr i am no one does this anymore lol #i just don't want to be here anymore i dont really want to be anywhere online anymore tbh #its always something and i cant mentally keep up with it anymore i have too much going on in my life #my wife is having cancer removed on Tuesday im a lead teacher who has to take care of i think 8 babies now #i have problems i have actual problems that need me and need me to be as there as i can be #i cant be spiraling over stuff online on top of real world problems im in no position to do anything about on top of personal life problems #that are drastically affecting my life at home and hurting my family and loved ones #i have a mass in my thyroid which is so big i choke to the point i stop breathing if I dont have my meds i throw up all day #i have to see a neurologist because at best i have a pinched nerve at worst im having seizures and i might have to move states again #i dont have it in me to come on here and see stuff that makes me upset for the chance i might see something i like #and i can unfollow people and whatever but I dont have the energy or time to sift through people i follow on here #if you want to talk in dms or asks or you want to send me posts pls by all means continue to do so thats fine #but i think i need to take the app out of my line of sight again for a bit and just be in the moment again same with twitter #anyways i love yall i promise i am safe and not in harms way im just stressed af and i have got to start cutting things out that #arent doing anything other then making me miserable

[dragons-and-yellow-roses]

Gonna complain in the tags

#i am in so much pain right now i almost want to die about it tbh #i suspect i have an ear infection and it is some of the worst pain ive ever been in #i can hardly breathe through it. if that makes sense #i cant go to sleep. i wake up in pain. im taking eight ibuprofen at a time every two hours #i know thats bad for me. but it was the only thing that was helping #but now the ibuprofen has stopped helping and the pain is getting worse and ive been suffering like this for two weeks #so i finally decided to make what may be a crippling financial decision #and im gonna go to urgent care tomorrow #and hopefully theyll help with this incessant fucking pain #also it's made it so i cant hear out of my right ear which is super inconvenient #also its my birthday. and im spending it in so much pain that i cant concentrate on anything else #also the other day i found out my best friwnd and my ex girlfriend have been fucking #so im not talking to my best friend for now. i dont know if i will ever want to again #and my ex tried to call me earlier and just recently sent me a snapchat that i havent looked at #those are the two people i want to speak to LEAST in the world right now. im angry and i hate them a little bit #and im in so much pain and i cant hear and im so tired #being in this much pain tires you out so much #like my body is under so much stress that i have no energy to do anything except be in pain #yesterday i woke up at 9am to take out the dog. then went back to sleep until 5pm. after getting a full night's sleep #i have to work tomorrow and its gonna be a long fucking day and i cant hear out of my right ear and everything hurts #and i hate the people i thought i would love forever #so fuck me i guess. happy fucking birthday

[semiotextiana]

ive kind of reconciled my present self with pre covid and mid covid clean girl salome and the black hole that were post-covid years spent off the grid…… havent felt motivated to take care of myself in so long. but im back on my shit via ways i wouldnt have imagined and chased and whipped by months of probably the worst existential anxiety and dread ive ever felt. and i did that myself, ive made some great new friends, ive made a very enriching professional experience and really i needed all that torture (growing pain) bc i was clinging to the old ways and i would not have started letting go for the life of me if it hadnt started feeling so hopeless and impossible. bittersweet also bc this was mostly triggered by my best friend moving away from berlin who i couldnt appreciate as much as i shouldve when times were weirder and things werent as clear to me as they are now. neither of my two best friends of those years are talking to me right now but i respect it and the bond i have with those two people honestly transcends any temporary differences or geographical distances or journeys that we need to take each on our own which is the case rn. i think for the first time ever ive arrived at a certain level of self respect and it feels dignified as hell. like im at peace with it being not perfect and at peace with ill feelings and with the contradictions and the randomness of life tbh

[radroller]

HANK PYM COSTUME RATINGS

At long last, here are my thoughts on the many looks and identities of Marvel’s own Hank Pym!!! Being a fan of this guy is a real rollercoaster, but his costumes are always so great and interesting, ive wanted to talk about them for ages!!! As some of his looks kinda blend together Ive tried to stick with the bare essentials (barring ones i especially like) but you can generally assume that i rate most of the suits of a given identity the same unless i specifically state otherwise. So here we go!!!!!

Ant-Man 10/10

What can i say? You can’t make an ant themed character much cooler than this. The irresistible 60s scifi charm of his big chrome helmet, the red, black, and blue color scheme with patterns that say “i am a super scientist” but gloves that say “im attemptint to look visually interesting.” Naturally Hank forgets he’s wearing some of the coolest headgear in comics. Ant-Man has had some good looks and updates but the charm of this one is pretty undeniable.

Giant Man 8/10

I think we can all agree that Giant Man kinda sucks, but damn if he didnt look cool! I guess he kept the antennae to keep some Ant-Man functionality, but you rarely see him using it. That’s fine though, it gives him a cool and distinct silhouette. It’s strange, if this were a new look for him as Ant Man, id call it a more considerable downgrade, yet Hank becoming Giant Man is a downgrade in just about every sense of the word. And even so, i LOVE Giant Man! It’s a conundrum!

Giant Man Redux: 6/10

I think they were trying to recapture the scifi tech charm of Ant-Man with this one, and it does kinda work! I think my main issue with this one is that it doesnt stick around long enough to really win me over. There are far more minor and insignificant variations of Hank’s suits that stick around way longer than this one. And id say this suit’s pretty damn significant, he left the Avengers for the the first time wearing this shit! I wish they’d played around with it some more.

Goliath: 8/10

Goliath is extremely solid. I have to wonder if Marvel was conscious of Giant Man being a loser that they felt the need to rebrand him like this, there’s little significant changeover from his previous identity other than color scheme and name besides him being stuck at 10 ft tall for a bit. I LOVE the addition of the goggles btw, one of my earliest exposures to that design trope i love so much.

The weird thing with Goliath is that they make him look more and more like Giant Man while refusing to change his name. Like again i know the guy got his ass best plenty of times but when you add antennae and red to his costume….that’s just Giant Man! But whatever the case, i give Goliath and all of his iterations a solid thumbs up.

Yellowjacket: 10/10

The PINNACLE as far as im concerned. What if you took Ant-Man and refined his charming but clunky scifi elements into something sleek, aerodynamic, and downright badass, while still having bright colors? You get Yellowjacket! I can’t stress how much i loved this suit as a kid. Do you know how rare it is to have a primarily yellow superhero who looks cool? It’s mostly just Wolverine, and he didn’t even exist at this point! I also like how it sorta resembles Wasp’s original outfit, though you probably wouldn’t get a chance to compare given Jan’s ever shifting wardrobe. It’s really a shame how maligned the Yellowjacket identity is because id love to see this design again, but its lasting association with the worst shit ever done with Hank pretty much made sure that’ll never happen.

West Coast Avengers: -/10

It’s funny that what is arguably the height of Hank’s superhero career comes from when he’s vehemently not a superhero anymore. Thus, in terms of costumes…well this isnt a costume! But for what it is, it’s great. A nice practical super science getup. But i have trouble rating it on the same scale as the rest. Just know that I love it!

90s Hank: 5/10

I was ready to rip this thing a new one, but tbh it isnt bad. The only thing that keeps it from being truly good is the stupid pouches, but i cant outright call it bad when it’s basically a worse version of Atlas from Thunderbolts’ costume without them. It’s passable.

Giant Man???: 10/10

Yeah, I know. Confusing, isnt it? Well listen, regardless of names and costumes and what have you, this is by far my favorite variation on the original Goliath look. The red goggles just do it for me! I love primary color schemes and i prefer a touch of red to a touch of yellow, yknow?

Goliath??????: 8/10

So NOW he can be Goliath. That makes perfect sense. Yeesh. This suit is cool though i like it. It’s based on a Goliath suit Jan designed for Hank, but by then he’d had become Yellowjacket, so Hawkeye became Goliath for a while instead. It’s a nice callback, and while I don’t actually care for that Goliath look, there’s no way a redesign by George Perez at the height of his career and abilities is gonna be anything less than great.

Wasp: 7/10

Was Mighty Avengers good? I read a couple of issues and remembered enjoying it, but that was when i hated every other Avengers book do idk if that means it was actually good, yknow? Anyway while losing Jan as the Wasp and gaining Hank is about as big a net loss as i can think of, this is NOT a bad look. There are only a few gripes i feel: I get what they were going for with the design on his chest but it makes him look like he’s The Stickbug and not The Wasp. Secondly, i think the goggles are kinda lame compared to some of his other eye/headwear he’s sported throughout the years. That’s about it! Not bad for the worst Wasp in the main continuity!

#hank pym #ant man #giant man #goliath #yellowjacket #the wasp #avengers #comics corner #costume ratings

[basiliskonline]

I just finished a Court of Fey and Flowers by @dimension20official, it was absolutely amazing, hands down the best AP I have ever seen, or imagine I might see.

You can find it here.

As someone that is strongly anti-D&D 5E and Anti Wizards of the Coast, it took me a long time to give dimension 20 a chance, and I will strongly suggest that anyone in that same position give it a shot.

I am gonna talk about it below the cut here, cause this will likely be long, this will be things I both liked and didn't like.

So i'm gonna talk abit about my feelings and experience with games and APs, because we're all different, we all like different things in a TV Show and by extension those variable preferences would also expand to APs. So I want to give you a little bit of information about where I stand as I explain my thoughts. Sorry if this gets very SEO Recipe lmao.

If you don't care about all that, skip to the next bold line, however if you are gonna comment or argue or whatever, at least read the context first and then probably don't do that.

I've been gaming for 30+ years, I started very early, and i've played definately dozens, probably hundreds of different games. D&D doesnt even rank in that list, I didn't like it much as a kid, when i grew up and it was 3/3,5 I hated both it and pathfinder with a passion. I played 5E for a bit but its lackluster and very poor design led to a game of boring mechanical options and choices that quickly grew old. And if I was gonna play a narrative game, i wouldn't be playing D&D in the first place. 4E is the only edition of D&D I've actively enjoyed.

I was an immense Critter during Campaign 1 and partway through Campaign 2. Like... "my wife and I have Critical Role quotes engraved on our wedding bands" critters.

But I quickly fell away from both Critters and Critical Role, by and large Critters is the worst fandom ive been apart of (and I was a SuperWhoLock back in the day) and the CR cast talks a lot of nice ideals and backs them up with absolutely nothing but lip service. I am now, tbh, somewhat uncomfortable when I see any of them on my timeline.

Dimension 20 is the first AP my wife and I have tried to watch since CR (we find most APs to be unwatchtable in most situations, just our own preference), My wife was curious about seeing Brendan as a DM after watching him on Game Changer, so we watched Mice and Murder (it was fun, and good, but has NOTHING on aCoFaF), and then on a suggestion moved to watch aCoFaF).

Last piece of the puzzle, WotC is a fucking nightmare company that has harbored some of the worst pieces of trash imaginable (though tbf that is not unique to them, its a major "large/old ttrpg company issue". And I quite frankly would love to never have to hear or see about anything wotc ever does ever again, preferably because they burned down and everything they ever made goes with them (this sadly means I would lose 4E but sacrifices must be made).

Things I like about a Court of Fey and Flowers

The first thing I love about it, is its a very role play heavy AP, and it centers on matters of Political fey intrigue, and that is done so masterfully by every single player and by the GM. (I absolutely avoided D20 because of the DnD/WOTC connection, but I in retrospect absolutely understand the whole "Season of Aabria" that was going around now).

The characters were thrilling, dramatic, sneaky, nuanced and hilarious, and the storyline was gorgeous and beautifully made, allowing the players to make their own messes and their own relationships and romances. So much romances.

I absolutely loved that I didn't have to see dnd 5e be played most of the time. This is something, and one of the only somethings, you'll see me talk about in the "don't like" section, so it is strangely enough both. The system was changed and mostly ignored that I almost never had to see dnd played, the AP is so heavily social and rp and during the state of the AP only had two very very short combats that were more priority on the social implications of the combats than the combat itself. Overall it could have used any system and done what they did, but mostly I didn't have to see 5E played and that made it pretty solid, despite "being 5E".

I also love Brennan Lee Mulligan's Captain KP Hob, a very good bab and the first and only Bugbear PC ive seen in an AP (and I love me some Bugbear)

Thing's I didn't like about a Court of Fey and Flowers

This is gonna stay light, because really there wasn't much. The only thing really is that the system, while ostensibly "5E" the system was so lightly applied, used or stuck to that the game could have used almost literally any other system to better affect and I absolutely hate that they still gave 5E and WOTC some sort of props/bandwidth by barely using the system but still selling it as DnD.

#Dimension 20 #a court of fey and flowers #dnd hate tag #actual play #mine #ttrpg

[weirdcat1213]

volume 12 already? damn that went fast. just yesterday we were crying about vash drinking in a church

anyway :D volume 12 thoughts time

chap 1:

-chronicaaaaaaaaa :3

-AW NO MY BABY

-these quiet panels are the fucking best/worst thing that have ever happened to me

-too many memories :c

-YES LINA IS THERE THANK GOD (at the same time this is heartbreaking as fuck)

-all the enemies after all the people he has ever loved/helped

-HIS MOM AND HIS BF

-THATS IT THATS THE ONE THATS THE PANEL OH GOD WE ARE *HERE*

-im gonna go cry now

-i wonder what "anti plant" entails...is it a special material?

-ok fine, chronica can call knives a terrorist. she gets a pass

-oh sweet geesus

-eh?

-oohhhhhh.....ok fuck

-nothing can stop the hatred of this man. kinda admirable but as the song says "your misery and hate will kill us all"

chap 2:

-"corrosive thunder", love the title

-OH SHIT DOMINA NO, pls dont let him get to you

-DOMINA NOOOOOO

-the plants kinda look in pain there....

-MY GIRLSSSSSSSSSS

-for pain purposes, i choose to believe that when they resonate they hum like vash did in stampede

-aaand shes gone

-oh god, the end of evangelion flashbacks

-OH NIGHTOW YOU SON OF A BISCUIT- THOSE EYES IN THE BACKGROUND-

-tbh everything in your ship just being consumed by someone else so quickly must be scary af. nothing belongs to them anymore and soon, chronica could even loose herself

chap 3:

-oh shit oh fuck oh shit

-oh shit not thors hammer

-omg look! the laws of physics!

-noooo :c we dont get to know domina too much but its still sad

-OH?

-MAGIC BULLETS TIME BABYYYYYYYYYYY

-ohhhhhhh okok i get it

chap 4:

-THATS MY BOIIIIIIIIIII

-AH SHIT IVE JUST NOTICED THE HAIR

-ALSO PLS DONT SMILE LIKE THAT-

-childish is a good word for it cuz knives just doesnt want to accept hes wrong and scared

-THE POWER OF LOVE AND PEACE BITCH

-is vash pausing cuz even though his plan was to kill knives hes kinda sad that knives wants to kill him? i may never know

-let him use his fucking gun ok? hes an expert. also i like to think he uses it to stay grounded. like to stay with the people hes fighting with. hes not superior or anything

-TO YOUR KNEES BITCH TO YOUR FUCKING KNEES

-THATS MY FUCKING GUNMAN THATS MY SON RIGHT THERE

chap 5:

-FLASHBACK TIME LETS GO

-omg right it hated this. hes just a baby :c

-so vash left with a stranger? i forgot about that

-honey just be glad YOU ARE ALIVE

-BECAUSE HES VASH THE STAMPEDE- i should rewatch that episode huh

-GEESUS BRO

-tbh vash, you should have. then and now

-YEAH TELL HIM VASH >:D YOU ARENT NAIVE

-tbh i would also think thats enough to break the chain. hmm

-"stay with me" vash pls i cant jump into the void rn

-GEESUS CHRIST, the cleanest cut in the west

-also you think vash made that face cuz the last time he made someone bleed was rem-

-THE CLOSEUP TO THE MOUTHS AHHHHHHHHHHH

-"we dont belong in the future of this planet" dont fucking say that

chap 6:

-actually wanting to humans to talk with plants is a great step for improving their relationship but sure knives, whatever

-THATS SO TRUE VASH LETS GO, LET THE PLANTS HAVE A SAY IN IT

-ive said this before but as someone who was mocked by wanting context before judging people, vash is so...reassuring. like it wasnt wrong of me to want to know all the sides of one story. im glad

-also i completely forgot about that town and radiation. how tf radiation happens in that planet, what am i missing

-oh nvm, thanks nightow

-HES NOT EXCUSING, HES EXPLAINING OMFG YOU IDIOT

-YEAH FUCKING TELL HIM >:D POP OFF VASH >:D

-WHY IS IT THEN? HUH KNIVES?- oh shit what

-yknow what, ill give knives the fact that humans are ignorant and we are repeating history etc etc, but im done. finish him vash

-for some reason this reminds me to that scene with the soldiers in ep 12. my man really cant catch a break

-YEAH THE GIRLSSSSSSSSSSSS :D

-"you've been abandoned" maybe by some but not by everyone. and thats the whole point

-YEAH YOU ARENT BABY ILY

-HOLD UP IS THAT HER FACE?????

-awww :c

chap 7:

-IS IT LIVIO TIME????

-YO WTF, WHO SHOT MY GIRL

-ofc the military would be like this

-i literally cant say whos bleeding

-ah fuck ok

-ugh no...pls dont tell me hes fucking bleeding through his eyes...pls dont (if i see stampede vash bleeding like that i will eat my pc piece by piece)

-chronica :c

-LIVIOOOOOOOOO :0

-OMG YES, YES, IM SO HAPPY. quoting 98 "and i know in my heart he would have done the same"

-MR. VASH, MR. LIVIO AWWW :3

-OH HES SPINNING THOSE FUCKERS :D

-oh well thats not fair, hes too cool

-wait why is knives not wanting to kill vash bad?

chap 8:

-considering the blockers chronica has, entering a fused entity must be scary but also exciting

-ngl i dont get the spikes on the screen thing

-geesus

-WTF YOU DID TO HIM???

-wait no i want to see whats happening with vash- and its livio time

-oh hes alive thank god (this is my 2nd read why am i surprised)

-OH NO ITS THAT MOMENT OH NNONONONO STAY THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME

-i hate seeing his eyes like that if im being honest, its scary

-ESO MAMONAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA GET UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUP

-LIVIOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

-OH SHIT its my wife

-OH WAIT MY OTHER WIFE IS HERE TOO

-VASH WHY ARE YOU MAKING THAT FACE

-OH GOD NOT LEGATO AND THE RUSSIAN DOLL

-CAN SHIT STOP HAPPENING FOR A MINUTE

-THERES TOO MANY PEOPLE HERE CAN YALL CALM THE FUCK DOWN

chap 9:

-omg its the legato episode

-what is happening, what am i looking at

-oh oh shit

-RIGHT IN HIS MF EYE

-what is happening?

-ok flashback time

-yeap. its that time. shit

-geesus fucking christ. tbh ofc legato would think knives is right. there was nothing to prove him wrong

-yeap. i would do the same actually. stomp on his head

-oh honey...honey thats gay-

-is that why he has short hair...cuz knives gave him a name AND A HAIR STYLE??

-damn son

-also i may be wrong but where do people get the idea he inserted metal in his own brain to have those powers?/gen

#trimax #trigun maximum #trigunbookclub #WHY AM I ACTUALLY SHOCKED THIS IS MY 2ND READ #was i really that numb the 1st time after vol 10?

[myarmsaretoolong]

20 questions (for fanfic writers)

cheers for the tag @sarah-sandwich <3

1. how many works do you have on ao3?

57.

2. what's your total ao3 word count?

412,260

3. what fandoms do you write for?

mcu but mostly just irondad, though i stopped writing that for a bit when a small (large) marauders obsession hit so now i write both depending on the fic im working on. also taken a side step into parkner recently

4. top five fics by kudos:

A Different Future - peter snaps one-shot

Futures are Made to be Broken - more in depth follow up to peter snaps one shot

The Best Day of Harley's Life (and the worst of Peter's) - classic field trip fic only harley is like the tourguide and makes it his mission to ruin peter's day. not actually parkner but for sure the beginning of my growing love for harley

Not my First Time - part of webpril challenge one-shot, tony and peter are stuck under a building, conversation ensue

Where Do You Think You're Going - urrrmmmm good question. its a whumptober one-shot so peter must get beat up. pretty sure its by quentin beck and his drones, lets assume tony finds him and saves the day (its less than 2000 words i could read it and find out but im lazy)

5. do you respond to comments?

i do my best!

6. what is the fic your wrote with the angstiest ending?

ermmm *checks notes* Is This It? springs to mind first. you know the deleted scene of tony snapping and seeing morgan? well in this one he sees peter, only peter is a good few years older and has sorted his life out a bit. its sad obvi, but also kind of happy? the end lines are sad sad though :( so either that or 01/11/81 (if you're a marauders fan you already know that date) which basically very closely follows remus throughout the entire day after james and lily are killed etc. its very angsty all the way through, mary is a sweetheart, and at the end he's left all alone...

7. what's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

most tbh. im going to say Past, Present, Yet to Come because that's my baby. (peter is the ghost of christmas present, tony is scrooge, only its like the ryan reynolds film spirited, very good)

8. do you get hate on fics?

nope! (and please dont :) )

9. do you write smut?

nah

10. craziest crossover:

well ive only ever written one and it was mcu/glee and there's a reason i never finished it (nor am linking it [insert skull emoji])

11. have you ever had a fic stolen?

not that ive noticed

12. have you ever had a fic translated?

nope!

13. have you ever co-written a fic before?

nope! im a solitary kinda guy

14. all time favourite ship?

what a question... wolfstar is a classic, ineffable husbands are precious to me, doctor/rose is nostalgic... i can't pick favourites

15. what's a wip you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

besides all of them? all of them.

no but really there are so many and i have this problem of thinking of idea -> getting excited -> writing beginning -> not knowing where to take it -> get excited by new idea -> repeat. im working on it though and do genuinely plan to finish them all

16. what are your writing strengths?

yknow i honestly think my general writing is at a pretty good level. defo room for improvement but there always it, int there? id say that's a general strength, but specifically i think im goooood at making things angsty. and i love doing it so win win

17. what are your writing weaknesses?

well... finishing anything. plotting out full stories is a big problem. (though ive recently started a notebook for random ideas for fics and its helping) um... tbh i can struggle with everything from time to time. i think getting characters voices right can be hard cos i often find people saying things they would never say and having to go back and and put them straight. er,,, action can be next to impossible if The Vision isn't there.

18. thoughts on dialogue in another language?

i dont have many. if its a language i cant read i just skim past and sometimes read an end note translation but if there's too much im just going to go with the flow

19. first fandom you wrote in?

mcu

20. favourite fic you've written?

again, Past, Present, Yet to Come is my babygirl. love him to pieces. can i say fics ive not finished yet? because parkner hunger games au and marauders doccy who are fire and one day will see the light of day (and get names)

tagging @winter-turtle @helloliriels erm ive forgotten everyone who has ever existed... @ anyone who i followed in the boopening who writes and @ anyone who just wants to (no pressure at all obvi)

#tag game #irondad #marauders

[jellyaibo]

i want to hear ur thoughts abt object terror, you philosophor

so disclaimer i havent seen OT in fucking months so this insane ramble isnt gna be. the best but

object terror is one of the best worst fucking object shows ive ever seen, literally the PRIME example of some edgy kid trying to make an object show that isnt ur grandmas object show. no. this is the REAL shit and they say SLURS and theres BLOOD and GORE (yes im serious theres blood and gore and death but itsnot that bad, definitely a bit shocking if u didnt expect it to happen tho)

theres also shitty voice acting and terrible mic quality galore, EX: theres a fucking cup that had this dogshit mic for the longest fucking time and it deadass sounded like bro was talking into a washing machine ohmy god, i remember there was a clip of him going around on twitter a while ago cuz of this (i think that was my first time seeing anything from OT too so theres that)

OH and theres cactus, i barely remember anything abt him but he had this fucking emotionless voice that made me HYSTERICAL. there was a scene where someone got him pissed and he said "you take that back" with. absolutely no emotion at all and since then me and my friends keep fucking quoting that line cuz its the funniest fucking shit ever

btw that slur line i said earlier wasnt a joke, one of the characters straight up drops the R SLUR in the FIRST EPISODE (funnily enough, that character became the creators objectsona i think? ik they kinda used him as a mascot for a bit which is so fucking funny) tho i dont think they drop anymore slurs after that but dont take my word on it

anyways i gotta talk abt my favorite fucking part abt this fucking show before i get to. mint

THESE FUCKING CUNTS.

before i watched object terror i got fucking warned abt these two because there was a . homophobic scene w them or some shit and i had NO idea what it was for the longest time so i was really excited to see what object homophobia was gna be graced upon my faggotly eyes

and then theyjust. started making out randomly. LIKE OUTTA NOWHERE and there were other characters there that were gna try to attack/kill them? but then they saw them kissing and were like omg ewww boys (i think. the stuff that happens after this scene is kinda blurry tbh and im NOT gonna go back and watch the clip to see what happens ok. i REFUSE) and im sorry but thats the best fucking object show scene ever

AND LIKE? IDK? MAYBE ITS JUST ME BUT I DONT GET WHY I SAW PPL SAY THIS WAS HOMOPHOBIC???? i dunno maybe its just me but like these two just kissed while watching tv and eating chicken AND NOTHING BAD HAPPENED TO THEM!!! THEY LITERALLY WON IMMUNITY BY THE END OF THE EPISODE TOO. THEY WON. THE GAYS WON. and its so fucking funny to me bro object terror LOVES the gays

ok now i need to talk about mint im sorry i hate this fucking thing so much I NEED TO KILL HIM WITH A ROCK!!!! FFFUCK!!

hes literally just taco ii but 100x worse, i dont even like tacos evil arc or whatever cuz i always found her annoying BUT MINT IS SO MUCH WORSE

never in my. almost 2 years of watching object shows have i ever hated a character so fucking much LIKE GENUINELY THIS THING MAKES ME SO FRUSTRATED. hes just that. lol XD random character FOR THE WHOLE SERIES. just annoying and loud and does literally fucking nothing AND THE JOKES W HIM ARE SO FORCED I SWEAR THEY STOPPED . EVERYTHING THAT WAS GOING ON IN AN EPISODE JUST TO FOCUS ON THIS MOTHERFUCKER CUZ HE WAS GONNA DO SOMETHING FUNNY. im not mad that im missing out on some "juicy" object terror "lore" im just pissed that i have to see this fucking disgrace on my screen

oh and in the latest episode (as of now, the series isnt actually finished yet and i hope to god it never gets continued) SUDDENLY mint has a fucking arc THAT WAS NEVER FORESHADOWED AT ALL IN THE SERIES!! SO SUDDENLY HES A SMART GENIUS THAT COULD DO ANYTHING CUZ HE HAS MACHINES N SHIT AND A WHOLE ASS LABORATORY ??????? THEN HE FUCKING DIES

do you know how many fucking. mid and uninteresting characters we had to lose for him

DO YOU KNOW THE LOSSES I HAD TO DEAL WITH CUZ OF HIM

he lived for too fuckig long in this show dammit it pisses me off that he's even a character that exists . i blame him for being the reason why i hate joke characters (except david ily david bfdi)

i dont wanna talk abt him anymore im gonna

OK OK BUT. 1 more thing. smore

smore is this guy that they introduced later on in the series and hes a FUCKING. DEMON FROM HELL and i need him so bad actually

i think at some point he tries to . kill mint too so im literaly making out with him rn oh my god HES SO

im so mad hes in object terror IM GETTING YOU OUTTA THERE BABY ‼ ‼ 🗣🗣

honestly tho he was so cool im a little mad that they introduced him so late into the show CUZ WE ONLY SEE HIM FOR LIKE 2 EPISODES GRAHHHH RAAGHHHH babygirl

anyways thats it i feel like theres more but im not gonna wring out any more object terror knowledge from my brain i think that'll kill me

hope u enjoyed my insanity anon heres a loser . hope this heals you

#long post #seriously i mean it #dear god im not fucking normal #are u happy #ask

[hirokiyuu]

Hello! Saw your last post and got me thinking: What do you think Vace and Lin would be like as parents? I imagine that fatherhood wouldn't come to him as easily, but I think he would earnestly try to be better than both his parents 😁

oh yeah absolutely i think post therapy vace is a better dad than his family (low bar) and i think in therapy he has like the self awareness? to try and push past that

actually therapy vace is very fun in general bc like. i think one of vace's qualities regardless of therapy is how he pushes himself to be The Best it's just like a reframing of what The Best is u kno. there's a reason his cards are vace's confidence u kno. and that confidence is in some ways genuinely earned like!!! he IS the best soldier on the helio!!! like!!!! he has all those awards and he's very smart and like. it makes sense!!!

but then he goes to therapy and he starts like. reframing some of his stuff re:being Good and like what it means to be not just Good At Things but a Good Person and like. thats so much more difficult for him u kno in ways that other stuff wouldnt necessarily be. esp bc a lot of the stuff involved is like, him moving to be more vulnerable and show weakness and forgive ppl and those are not things he's good at naturally which is like. just very fun wwww

the reason i bring this up re:his parenting: i dont think he'd want to be a parent until he's really dealt with a lot of the worst of his shit. he mentions this in his 100 right: he's aware his whole thing comes from his dad who he has an IMMESNELY complicated rship w/. (i say this bc like. in his 50 he mentions hating his dad right. and yet he still has a picture of him u kno. lmfao. god) i dont think he'd ever want to subject his kids to what he went thru. i think he's aware of what he's done and how much worse he could've been u kno. the monster under the bed is who he is without sol

and even then it still takes work u kno. this comes up in the endcards abt how on his worst days he's still just like he was and how it takes times to break past that and find someone to meet him halfway. i have him meet lin when he's like early 30's bc i really do think it takes him a Long Fucking Time to hit a point like that. a lot of relationships. u kno. takes Work. takes time.

BUT THE POINT OF THIS.... to answer your actual q..........

i do actually think vace is a pretty good dad in these circumstances! i think he's protective and caring and i think in context w/rship with lin especially where he's got a partner that's good at reframing issues from "you versus me" to "you and me against the problem" it helps him get in that mindset with kids as well u kno.

i think tho in some ways he's better w/them when they're little GLKHSDLKGH i think he might be a bit overprotective when theyre older. i am shy talkign abt lin but im even shyer talking abt the fankids i made for them but i DO think its immensely funny for him to have his daughter hit adolescence and be like. ok im not calling u daddy anymore. and not bc she's embarrassed abt being a daddys girl or antying she just needs him to realize shes practically an ADULT NOW (vace meanwhile is there like. you are Not an adult jesus christ)

ok thats the serious analysis now here is my stuff thats for Me (sparkle emojis) ive talked abt this with alm before and in some ways i think vace is the parent the kids rely on for most every day stuff bc i do think he spoils his kids a little u kno. daughter shows up asking for a snack and he Prepares something for her meanwhile lin is like (gets smth preprepared from the fridge or tells her to wait for mealtime) takes them shopping teaches them to tie their shoes all that kind of stuff u kno

lin meanwhile is like...... practical wwww ive talked abt this in other places but he has difficulty with people sometimes bc of his augment. he's not great at comforting tbh! i think if the kids are upset adn htey want hugs abt it they go to vace. lin tho i think is the parent they turn towards for more serious stuff? bc vace despite everything still is very emotional while lin is very Not that u kno. so they can be like. uh. papa. ive fucked up. and lin is like (guy whose response to literally Everyhting is How Do We Fix This) How Do We F

in some ways as well i think the kids and lin grow closer as they get older. not to say i think they necessarily grow Away from vace but the way you interact w/small kids versus when u interact w/older ones means i think vace would do better w/the really younger ones while there'd be a bit of disconnect btwn them and lin until they're older u kno. lin is bad at mirroring and coddling and part of the thing abt his rship w/vace is it does help him get better at dealing w/other ppl w/strong emotions, part of that also relies on vace understnading that lin is trying u kno. and that's not a capacity kids really have at such young ages?

overall tho. i do think they are pretty good parents wwwww vace does hover too much but lin i think helps him dial it back wwww and lin struggles more at first but he gets there. their kids i think grow up well! and that's what matters!

#if u ask me to talk abt the fankids i will be here another five paragraphs #this turned into half vace character analysis. as u do #rotating olivace in my ehad constantly every single day. thinking abt him. thinking #he is so Like That i cant not think abt him u kno #oh i do think when they bring up kids lin is like. you'll be a good dad (no hesitation) and vace is like ??? #and lin is like. why are you surprised. #and hten lin is like. idk if im gonna be a good parent. and vace is even more ?????? #i actually have written stuff of them having the 'hey we should have kids' convo but #Ha! Will I Ever Post It. Ha! #anyways jesus christ ive been working on this ask like two hours in btwn other shit. here it is. olivace as a dad content #asks #va1iant viridity #teenexo stuff #lin stuff #i was a teenage exocolonist spoilers

[planet4546b]

hiiii what was the like. original seed that s/n started with. the elevator pitch the one-sentence premise the “hey this would be cool” idea. how did that evolve into its present iteration. as much or as little detail as u feel like i’m just curious

ok i’ve actually got three answers for this. my babygirl is complex

1. i’m interested in post post-apocalypse stories and a world that functions by quantum rules and is made of multiple universes is interesting to do worldbuilding with. i also like circular stories and tragedies and doomed protagonists so here we are

2. the directly previous iteration of this story was supposed to end in an apocalyptic event that tore down the walls between realities. i was never able to quite get this version to work for a number of reasons, so i said ‘well, what if i actually have it take place after this event?’

3. the ACTUAL, absolute ORIGINAL concept, from literally 2014, is “hey what if a bunch of guys were criminals and also they used magic that they got from making deals with demons and then they became revolutionaries” (i was 15. it happens.)

the evolution is pretty weird and funny so a bit more about that under the cut

there have been like. 4ish main different iterations of s/n. we have the original urban fantasy with demons, which was named run rabbit (i still have a lot of affection for this one), then a total pivot to a more kind of fairytale style thing where the four of them had to travel through a magic forest (??) that made them confront their worst fears (???) (this is the first of the iterations called ladybird, ladybird which stuck for a while), then i just sorta took the forest out and they were all chilling in a weird suburban town with magic (there was no plot in sight here, just vibes), THEN the most recent previous iteration where they were all working in a government organization that studied multiverses.

just about the only thing that has stayed consistent through all of them is the characters, but they've still changed a like. INSANE amount over time. og versions next to their current versions are essentially unrecognizable. the first version of sam was the mom friend and look at her now ljdsalg. i made the pivot from jackie being the main character to sam being the main character (and also introduced sam's missing baby sibling) in the first version of ladybird, which is to this day the best decision ive ever made tbh. sam ilu.

most of the old iterations are pretty irrelevant now (although i still have 50k of a nano and half of a script for run rabbit and a hell of a lot of scattered documents with notes/drabbles/outlines for the rest. lol) but the direct previous iteration has a lot in it that i dragged along into s/n and just like. simplified. this is where jackies backstory comes from, where em and mel's contentious relationship comes from (although they've kinda swapped places), a lot of sam's personality and drive and relationship with her family comes from, and characters like the cynosure, eric, grace, darcy, feynman, etc are all holdovers from this version. i also in this version got really frustrated with not being able to do that much worldbuilding (it was Technically urban fantasy, but the world needed to be simple for plot reasons) and ended up getting really bogged down in backstory stuff for each of the characters that made me essentially unable to write them in the present day, which is also why s/n has so much more worldbuilding and all of them have comparatively simple backstories

its been a weird journey!!! i still really love a lot of the previous iterations and theyre all fun in their own way, but this is the first one thats worked smoothly enough that i can actually have a central plot and think about scripting and its by FAR the one im happiest with!!! thanks as always for the question <33

#asks #luna #signal to noise #theres a lot of character development that has only happened bc its been in the works so long #so im glad for it overall and i do like my previous versions #theyre just funny as HELL to think about hjfklghjks #this is what happens when you work on the same thing for 7 years LMAO

[the-kipsabian]

18, 22, 26, 30, 32, 39? Wrestling asks for u, pls ramble for me

bless you babe 💜

wrestling asks

under a read more cause OH BOY this got long sorry not sorry

18: Best feud i dont know if i have one solid answer for this, but lemme just ramble a few that come to mind when i think stuff ive enjoyed.. few of the first ones i ever witnessed years ago, eddie guerrero vs rey mysterio. this is like my introduction to wrestling, the first time i got familiar with the context of heels and faces, etc. this was ultimately really stupid (the whole eddie was dominics dad, you know the one lol), but its the one im extremely nostalgic for and i will always remember it fondly despite that lol

then i dont remember a lot of it tbh, but at the time matt hardy vs edge (when he came back innnnnn 2007?? was that the year lmao), it introduced me to the terrible world of wrestling love triangles and also i do believe this was the first time i saw a bloody cage match. also the tension in this from that era will live with me forever my god

just a bonus mention to randy orton (or technically the ortons i guess) vs the undertaker. that shit went HARD in my tiny teen brain jfc

for more current stuff.. i mean i was always a fan of the whole kip sabian/miro vs best friends stuff. it had so much potential on all ends, im just very upset it got cut when it did cause kip was injured. also that is to date my favorite wrestling wedding honestly. only really rivaled by the indy/dexter one but anyways lol

also very much a fan of whatever the fuck jay white and kazuchika okada have going on at all times. i dont think i have to explain how much i enjoy the (sexual) tension and taking any times i can get to yell at jay and look at okada buT ANYWAYS

and a special mention to the one i know nobody else ever liked, but the whole thing seth and murphy had going on with the mysterios during the pandemic. it was the one thing that kept me really interested in wrestling on a weekly basis, i personally found it incredible until the end after they completely shafted murphy before releasing him etc., but prior to that everything in that was absolutely my shit. everything from the monday night messiah to the goddamn disciple run. i could base my entire personality around that whole storyline and im not kidding lol

ALSO ALSO literally anything eddie kingston has going on. him fighting anyone, right now especially garcia and claudio tho, is just fucking lit at all times. this man knows whats up

22: Worst entrance theme im trying to think whats a bad theme but not associated to someone that i dont care for.. and unfortunately i have to say clark connors. ever since salty pointed out they are just robot farts i cant fucking unhear it and everythings gone to hell since LOL

like i love clark but my god

26: One unpopular opinion of yours oh im sure i have many lol. lemme just keep this very tame and say i dont think aew in its current state is very good. and this isnt just my "give me kip sabian back" bias, i just really dont care for the product, or any of them tbh, as a whole right now. i want the early days back when they showcased smaller talents more and actually had storylines i could care about and not just teams and factions like this is new japan all over again woo

30: You get to make your own stable. Who would it consist of? What is their name? ..is it a cop out to say i dont wanna make one, i just want to join in the united empire? im gonna say that anyways cause yes. please. ive made my case for ue before, but its like. they are a group of misfit assholes around the world, which hey i fit the bill too, trying to prove themselves cause everyone sees them as foreigners wherever they go and whatever they do so they never fit in geographically, but keep on fighting to prove everyone wrong in that way. and i want that too you know ..also i just really like united empire i dont fucking care (also its half nine in the morning im on my first cup of coffee i cant think sorry)

32: Who would you like to be in a mixed tag team with? so this comes from two places. but its cause ive been very infatuated with him recently, and ive kinda realized that if i ever were a wrestler (i wont be cause lmao what is being in shape or starting a physical career at the ripe age of 30) i would definitely lean towards being a technical wrestler out of the given options.. so yeah zack sabre jr cause im a biased bitch lol. also the smol and toll dynamic with two loudmouth bitches just yelling accented insults? yeah who am i to say no to that lol

39: What is your best wrestling related memory? okay im sure the best one is yet to come (JERSEY IN A MONTH +1 DAY I GET TO MEET SO MANY BABES), but theres two. 1. my first (and only) live show in 2019. sure we had kinda shit seats now thinking about it, but getting to chant live that sami zayn sucks alongside my brothers and like two other random kids in the audience will live with me forever tbh. and 2. when we got into watching old (we're talking about like 2016) nxt with @ss-trashboat to get her back into watching wrestling after a few years and yeah. it literally started with her saying she had never seen tyler breeze and here we are now, like two years later, watching (at least my first) g1 together <3 wrestling brings people together, as its also the thing that brought us together like eleven years ago as friends to begin with, so. yeah im very fond of stuff like this <33

#wrestling musing #you wanted me to ramble here i ramble #thank you babe <33 #coughedfeathers #thank you for asking! <3

[tomwaterbabies]

please continue share more of your fun stories!! how many fun places you go? what’s your favourite theme park? recommend theme park to go? I know I can look it up on Youtube and all that (I hate dealing those cringey youtube ads anyway ughhh) but tbh.. your POV stories are more interesting to hear because of your fun vibe. heh I hope that made sense ^^ I’m also trying to save some money to go disneyland one day with my friends after I graduate college :)

i dont think ive ever been told i have a fun vibe LOL thats very kind, thank you!! im glad u enjoy these weird tangents i have about Stuff In My Life

travel is a big thing for me and important for a lot of reasons. one of them being that there is Trauma there and it helps to recover/heal from said severe trauma by going out and just... Experiencing Things. i havent done much yet, but there are some fun stuff ive done here in southern california. disneyland, ren faire, and some interesting places in LA that not a lot of people visit. i could always share those too LOL

out of my favorite themeparks, there's only one ive actually been to (disneyland lol). but it is a dream of mine to someday visit the efteling which is my other favorite. a fairytale/fantasy themepark located in the netherlands with some of the best work ive ever seen even compared with disney! i'd recommend checking it out! or u can have me incoherently discuss it. ur choice (it can be tough finding good stuff on youtube tbh some themepark channels on there... clickbait central and false info LOL)

i hope you're able to save up!! it's a great place. i'd give some ideas on some fun things to do there and other advice but im possibly the worst person to do that. i dont go on thrill rides and have waited hours to meet characters alone

#asks #ah. this is a lot isnt it. aint that just the way #anyway yeah i can share lots of stuff i think. just depends on what u want to hear about #or for an actual random story i can just share whatever first comes to mind

[thisisanude]

i feel crazy i feel absolutely insane the timing is just so weird too like i don’t understand what’s happening ive never felt this weird and unsure of what to do in my relationship WELL i have in other ways but never this one this one is the weirdest TBH. like on one hand i love him and every time i see him i feel genuine love and happiness and like i want to build a future with him and i love hanging out with him and he makes me feel better. but on the other hand. we have had issues before he would get petty over things i really didn’t appreciate and part of me is like it’s my fault too cuz i can be bitchy like sometimes i talk before i think. but idk i feel like that’s the worst of me like he would get so upset at moments when he really shouldn’t have been or when a partner should be supportive. and the petty things. like the first time like 2 years ago when i said to him at a bar i look so good everyone here wants to fuck me and he was very upset and took that real not well but didn’t tell me about it till months later and that’s why he would get so petty. and this was the same instance when i found out that he was being petty to me bc also months ago i made a joke to his friend about his bong being dirty. and i don’t even remember how they fight went bc honestly it was awful i tried to push it away so bad sooooo bad and that fight was like a year and a half ago. i remember being truly hurt for the first time, like instead of trying to solve something he was being petty. it was so upsetting and i feel like that made me see him differently bc i will never feel like i got full closure. like i was saying sorry for doing those things too much and he wasn’t saying sorry for being petty enough. i do get angry tho and i don’t give in when im really mad. and then ! that was like the worst our relationship was bc i had already not been happy with him prob bc of his pettiness and distance from me in the before months so that fight was like damn i could see myself without you. but then things started to improve he was cleaning his act up and in a few more months i felt really happy in our relationship again. it’s like wow i can’t believe i ever felt upset or wanted to leave i want to be with you forever so bad this is my person this is my soulmate. and then next july which was almost a year later we had a big fight THE DAY I WASS MOVING OJT….. which if you know me my room and apartment is a very very very lot of work to move out from. and the last year he wasn’t in town so he didn’t help me but this year he was helping me. and last year i helped him move out after he left town and did a lot of work also but that don’t matter cuz it’s not like transactional but just saying im not only expecting help from him i help him as well. but i don’t even fucking remember what that was about either! crazy how bad my memory holds fights and bad memories like that altho i’m sure i was prob smoking a lot around this time which doesn’t help. i just remember being extremely angry with him and for the first time in a while thinking oh i don’t think i should be with him forever. and i honestly didn’t feel like i was fully recovered i feel like i was just like let’s fix this asap bc i needed to keep MOVING OUT and i didn’t want to be immensely stressed and upset. but i don’t even remember what the fuck he was upset about but i do remember him telling me i shouldn’t have told my BEST FRIEND about him potentially moving back home the next year and us maybe being long distance. and i was like wtf is wrong with you for being mad at going to my best friend like that’s an emotional upset thing for me and i also don’t wanna make you feel guilty for leaving by talking about it in a sad way. and he was like now she told her boyfriend (who is his dealer) and now everyone knows my business when i don’t want anyone to. like bitch what the fuck why do you care so much shut the fuck up holy shit and he was like why is it a big deal it’s not a big deal and i was like how can you say that. he’s like that’s like the same thing as you going to ur home country for

#mine #dc #love

[ciderjacks]

please tell me about cal, love that little bastard

oHHHHHHOHOHOOHHO YES. OK. I WILL. IVE BEEN WAITING 10 YEARSTO BE ASKED THIS VERY QUESTION.

so ok so. Uh heavy Heavy TW for like themes of suicide and mental illness and stuff ahead. I’m sorry I would avoid it but it is genuinely impossible to talk about this story without them, bc that’s literally the central theme of it. But. Okok.

Sso Cal is one of my fav characters ever, he was originally created as like, a tragic backstory for Kimu-

(Kimu is this guy)

-so like, literally created to die. And he’s always been sort of a sad character. I made him when I was like 11 and edgy so he was an emo childhood friend of Kimu’s who takes his life, sending Kimu on a downward spiral. Like that was the original story basically.

Then as time passed I started developing the story, added more character and Cal got to have a personality, but he still dies. More time passes and I start to really like Cal, and bc his death is like, the most important part of the story, he sort of becomes the “main character”. Then in like 2023 I decided I actually didn’t want him to die, partially because I felt bad and partially bc at the time I really didn’t like the idea of having a character like him ending that way. like. Thematically I just didn’t like it.

So now he’s alive, the meta narrative has decided that he should live. I change it up so he has a suicide attempt, but survives it and gets his shit together after bc he’s now realized he likes being alive even though it sucks sometimes.

There’s a lot of like, actually in narrative drama happening in this version of the story. He’s got a crappy home life, he’s got gender dysphoria, he’s in a weird love triangle with like three of his friends. Usual stuff. Up to this point it’s sort of been a sad version of a slice of life, like. Sort of similar to bojack horseman I’d say, if I was to compare it to anything. I like stories like that but tbh they’re sort of uninteresting to describe.

ANYWAY HERES WHERE THE TIME LOOP IS INTRODUCED.

so at some point I was thinking about how Cal was a doomed character for so long, then got like. a second chance to live. Bc I felt bad about killing him. And then because I love Groundhog Day more than any normal person should, I went “omg what if there was a time loop type thing. Or like a time reset. Or something. Like a single time loop.” And then I was like omg bc now there’s more to the story than just a straight linear narrative.

So now there’s two stories for the price of one. Cal’s first chance, and Cal’s second chance.

So first chance is way more similar to the earlier one I described, before he gets his fate changed. His life in his first chance sucks. He’s being treated badly at home, he’s being treated badly at school, he’s an asshole so all his friends sort of hate him, he’s ruined several peoples lives just sort of by existing in them. Terrible. A lot of the bad stuff that he goes through is also entirely his fault like he really really sucks here. He drives all his friends away besides Kimu, who is extremely patient and also Cal is his best friend.

Kimu is the one to confront Cal #1 (I’m just gonna call this Cal, Cal #1 now. So it’s easier to understand what I’m talking about bc time stuff is weird and confusing.) and Cal #1, worlds worst guy, just completely loses it on him. He pushes him into a shelf, which causes Kimu to actually get hurt, and Kimu is obviously shocked and angry, so he storms out and tells Cal they’re done. Cal #1, realizing he’s fucked up, is like “well I’ve hurt literally everyone in my life irreparably. Guess I’ll die.”

Ofc old pal Kimu, feeling off about the argument like an hour later, comes back to apologize. Unfortunately this is change #1, so it’s too late. Last thing Cal #1 processes is Kimu freaking tf out. He ends up dying at 19, like days before he turned 20.

So on that cheery ending, Cal wakes up. This time it’s Cal #2 though. He wakes up and realizes that he is a baby, he’s back at his old house, and he is a baby. The thing is though, he has all his memories from his first life. This makes him, first of all, and incredibly intelligent baby. (He still has baby brain though, not the brain of a 19 year old. That would be a whole different world of problems.) But second of all, he is REALLY REALLY weirded out and uncomfortable.

He freaks out for the first couple years of his new life, which is the exact same as his old life except now he has cheat codes. Then around the age of like, 5, he has the realization that he has cheat codes, and if he can map everything that went wrong in his first life, he might actually be able to change his outcomes. so he does that, he does that for awhile. At this point most of the external things are the same. He’s best friends with Alex, he becomes friends with Kimu via Alex, it’s all the same.

Kimu, Alex, and Cal in that order ^^^ (It’s also worth noting that while he overtime is able to address a lot of his shittiness as being shitty, and him being to blame for most of it. he can’t seem to see Kimu as a victim of his crappy behaviour. He even still sort of resents him for how things went, bc first life Kimu was sort of a dick too.)

so anyway things are normal the first like maybe 6 years after that too. He changes some of the big things that went wrong in his early life, he avoids some people he knows are bad news now, which also stops his mom from going criminal (long story. She’s a shit mom most of the time but she’s still protective, and will still do anything for her kid.) he thinks this might save her from dying, he actually does everything he can to prevent her death. It doesn’t. None of it works. She dies differently, this time of a sickness rather than suicide. She also dies later on in the story this time. We’ll come back to this.

anyways, it’s around this point Yami and Amelia get introduced. Amelia is Cal #1’s greatest sin, she’s the person he really fucked over, and it’s to the point where Cal #2 doesn’t even think he should talk to her. Yami is Amelia’s cousin and Kimu’s childhood best friend, though they had a falling out.

(Yami and Amelia. Yami is the husky, Amelia is the spaniel.)

In the first life, Yami also dies. Completely unrelated to Cal, like they barely even knew each other. Yami died because of a prank gone wrong, done by some bullies.

However this really started off Cal #1’s downward turn, because this incident totally fucked up both Kimu and Amelia, and Kimu being all fucked up is partially what drove Alex away. (The other part was Cal’s fault LOL). Kimu got really withdrawn and aggressive, wanting revenge for what happened. Amelia got weird and withdrawn, and starts focusing on getting into this prestigious arts college way harder than before, and Cal, who doesn’t fully understand grief or why people feel it, figures maybe it’s because her parents are awful and controlling (and like. Ok they are. But. They don’t gaf about her grades or studies. He just totally misread the situation.)

He’s also mad that she’s not hanging out with him, or doing the weird chaotic stuff that they used to do all the time. He tells her she just needs to unwind, and let go of the expectations put upon her. Amelia is reluctant at first, but then as she unwinds, she starts to get way more crazy than she ever was before bc of all the shit she’s been bottling up. They do some extremely dangerous shit, on what is basically a bender, and then he ends up crashing the car bc he wasn’t watching the road. They get arrested, she’s now disabled, her parents disown her, she loses her scholarship, and it’s all mostly his fault. He’s too emotionally stunted to even properly apologize.

(Illustration of about how he responded to all this)

She tells him she’ll kill him if she sees him again, and that’s the end of their relationship in the first life.

Back to the second life. Cal peer pressures Yami into letting him come to hang out with him and his bullies (the ones who ended up accidentally slashing him). Yami relents, but is really uncomfortable because he doesn’t know this guy. Flash forward a few hours, the bullies do the prank, but this time because Cal is there, Yami doesn’t die. This incident leads to two things happening. 1) Yami connecting enough dots to vaguely remember his first life. Not as clearly as Cal, but now he’s suspicious. 2) Cal and Yami becoming friends.

Yami ends up later introducing Cal and Amelia, and they end up becoming friends, though for a long time Cal tries to keep her at arms length. This is hard bc they get along really well.

eventually he gives in and they become besties again, but without all the trauma and horrors. This is great, and this is around when Cal starts to think he’s actually done well. He’s 19, he’s sort of awkwardly repaired his relationship with his mom, all his friends are happy and alive, everyone’s closer than ever. Like things are going REALLY well.

Anyway remember earlier when I mention his mom dies in both lives? Yeah so. When he’s 19, she dies of a sickness that he thought was improving. It’s really sudden, and it really trips him out. Not only is he just actually devastated, but now he starts wondering if some things are just bound to happen. He worked so hard to change her fate, and she still died relatively young and unexpectedly.

Then he finds out it technically wasn’t the sickness that killed her. She did it to herself because she realized it was getting worse, and she would probably die from it, and decided she’d rather die in a way she self was dignified. She didn’t tell him any of that.

Now he’s really like. “Oh god maybe things are just meant to happen.” this undoes a lot of the work he did on himself throughout this life, and he reverts back into a similar weird jerk that he was before. Less destructive obviously, but he withdraws, he starts ghosting everyone, he doesn’t leave his apartment. Eventually Kimu rolls up to confront him, and remember when I said Cal never grappled with how his actions affected Kimu, and how he still sort of resents him? Yeah.

So this happens.

It’s at this point he Finally, after nearly 20 years, realizes the one person who stuck by him at all times in both his lives, and the person he arguably hurt most, even more than Amelia.

And then he realizes that no matter how much he tried to change, it ended up like this.

And he thinks back to his mom, and how some things just seem doomed. Kimu storms out in tears, just like how he did during Cal’s first chance, and Cal decides that he and his mom must share the same fate.

This is one day before the anniversary of his death. Fortunately this time Kimu didn’t actually leave. He waited outside Cal’s door for a few minutes, thinking about what just happened, and then decides something is off and comes back in to talk things out.

He catches Cal this time, right before he attempts, and stops him from doing anything. Ofc Kimu starts yelling at him, asking him what the hell he’s doing, but all Cal can think about is that for whatever reason: Kimu came back early. And more importantly, that before Kimu came back, he hesitated.

this is about when he has a realization that nothing is actually doomed, and that this whole he’s wanted nothing more than to live. He realizes he wanted to live so much it created a tear in time and space.

So then he gets therapy and starts actually properly living his life to the fullest.

#ask tag #bloominghearts #calposting.jpeg #SORRY THIS IS SO SO SO LONG IM SO SORRY JSUFJV #tw suicide #tw death #I reallly like talking about my weird fucked up time loop ocs #I think it counts as a time loop #It’s just that time only loops once. #This also isn’t even touching on the weight over Cal’s head for like most of the story that is #“Is this just what life is. Do we just die and then come back. Is it all for nothing.” #It’s not he did genuinely create a time space error bc he didn’t want to die that badly. but that’s a concern for him for awhile.

[knothanksfeelings]

Dear K

How are you? Hope you're doing well! you would have said haha aru why are you typing like a boomer anyway.

I dont know what to write here but since it's essential and it was on my list, so here i am.

I think i've moved on from all the negative things i felt when our relationship was rocky. I had a very hard time because things were already bad, and you made it even harder by not letting me go easily.

I know your intentions werent wrong and all you ever wanted was to be with me and so did i, but i had to be practical and had to deal with the reality. Going to US wasnt my future, i wanted to experience so much before i set my foot into a foreign land where everything is different while i was dealing with another change myself.

I also feel we grew apart and became very different people but our love and respect for each other stayed the same. you had a year to work in india, to experince the and understand the corporate life which helped you take the next necessary steps and pushed you to make better decisions in life. But when it was my turn to do that, you didnt let me.

I thought i did a great job by controlling my feelings and looking out for myself knowing you were going to leave but i later realised, i didnt. I just did that infront of you because one of us had to.

I was so lost when you left, on top of that graduating from college and getting into the real world killed me. I spent most of my time rotting in bed or going out drinking. I went on multiple dates but nothing worked out with anyone except for one person.

When i was seeing him i realised i kept looking for you in him, and later i realised i was looking for you in everyone.

i was in denial for the longest time that i was okay, i kept telling myself i could have been so much worse when you were gone but the truth is, this was the worst state ive ever been in.

I wasnt in touch with the person I am, specially my feelings. I made mistakes, did things which i am not proud of and that person wasn't me at all. Only to lie to myself and to dodge a soul crushing heart break. This is the worst thing i've done in my life tbh- avoiding myself and my feelings.

I dont have feelings for you, but i do have a lot of respect and love for you, you will always have a space in my heart. Because of you the bar is so high haha.

You were one of the best things that happened to me and i will always be thankful for the person you are and will cherish our friendship forever.

I'm really sorry for everything, i wish it wasnt this way but i think this is for the best. everything happens for a reason and i hope in future we could be friends again.