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madame-coquette · 3 years

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Under the cut: you will find a lengthy, yet concise summary of the historical life and rule of Louis XVI.

*** While this is not a mandatory read - it is interesting and will be referenced in most threads outside of the Modern AU, ( which must be requested to write in. ) Some knowledge may benefit you to know if you don’t have a good base in the history of the french revolution. I may add to this as I gain more sources and insight into the King’s personal life. ***

Name: Louis Auguste de France

Other Names: Louis XVI || Citizen Louis Capet ( Before Execution )

Titles: Duc de Berry ( Given at birth ) || Dauphin ( After his father died ) || King of France ( After his grandfather died )

Birthday: 23rd of August 1754 || Reign as King lasted from May 10th 1774 - September 21st 1792

Died: January 21st 1793 || Execution By Guillotine

Religion: Roman Catholic

Family Ties: House of Bourbon

Siblings: Louis XVIII Comte de Provence, Charles X Comte d’Artois, Élisabeth de France, Louis Duc de Burgundy ( Died at 9 ), Clotilde de France, Xavier Duc de Aquitaine ( Died at 1 ) , Marie Zéphyrine de France ( Died at 5 ), Marie - Thérèse de France ( Died at 2 ).

Parents: Marie-Josèphe of Saxony & Louis the Dauphine of France

Spouse: Marie Antonia Josepha Johanna || ( French Version ) Marie Antoinette ( Second Cousin, Once Removed. )

Biography:

Often passed over in favor of his older brother Louis ( Duc de Burgundy ) because he was more outgoing, handsome & intelligent. Tragically, he died at 9 & favor was shifted to the new future Dauphin. Louis Auguste was by all accounts a healthy but painfully shy & reserved child. He was equally as bright as his brother excelling in: Latin, History, Geography, Astronomy. He was also fluent in English & Italian. ( Louis liked to wrestle with his brothers & hunt with his grandfather. ) His special interest was in locksmithing & this was encouraged by those around him as a worthwhile pursuit even in his childhood. The subjects he was taught by the Duc de la Vauguyon additionally included: Religion, Morality & Humanities.

Louis married Marie on May 16th 1770 when he was just 15 and she was 14. By the time the two were married to form the French & Austrian alliance: the defeat of France, in the 7 years war had already made the French public view the new Dauphine as an unwelcome stranger to the country.

The couple only met 2 days before their marriage, and for this reason the marriage was cordial but very distant in the beginning. Louis was shy & also afraid of being manipulated by Marie for stately purposes --- this made him act coldly towards her in public. They did eventually foster a fondness for each other & their marriage was consummated in 1777.

( Louis XVI & Marie Antoinette’s reputations were damaged because they did not produce heirs in a traditionally ‘ timely manner ‘. )

After gentle prodding from Marie’s brother, Joseph II --- Louis began to take his conjugal duties seriously and Marie fell pregnant, eventually giving birth to 4 live-born children. ( Marie suffered 2 miscarriages and Louis - by all accounts - consoled her each time. ) Louis XVI also ‘ adopted ‘ six children additionally, though they were never granted royal status.

Louis took the throne in 1774 at age 19 after his grandfather died. By then, there was already resentment among the public for the royal family, lots of government debt incurred before he was installed as monarch, and so much responsibility that Louis himself did not feel ready & prepared to take on.

Louis XVI’s indecisiveness & lack of firmness - though grounded in the idea he wanted to be liked & loved - ultimately, led to part of his downfall. ( It should be noted Louis Auguste DID genuinely attempt to be a good and just king, the circumstances that line up before his assent to the throne were too vastly stacked against him. )

Louis reinstated the ‘ parlements ‘ & put a more experienced advisor in place to ensure that things were fair and on the up and up. Louis also signed the Edict of Versailles || Edict of Tolerance that allowed Non-Catholics to have the legal right to practice their faith(s), as well as restore legal/civic rights and status to them. This overturned the Edict of Fontainebleau which had reigned as law for a little over 100 years. While the Edict of Versailles didn’t claim freedom of religion - it decriminalized the practice of other religions and helped ease tensions based on religious differences in the country.

Radical financial reforms were a steadily growing need in the country because of the mounting debt ... the nobles refused to instate the necessary laws ultimately culminating in further dissatisfaction among the public and stoking the flames of the oncoming French Revolution. The publication of ‘ Le Compte - rendu au Roi ‘ -> ‘ The Records of Accounts for the King ‘ further ruined the monarchy’s reputation by publishing propaganda that was full of fictitious & inaccurate budgets meant to make France look more financially stable than it was. When the true extent of France’s debt was revealed: the common man & many nobles alike were shocked and disgusted, the nobility outright rejecting the reforms necessary to begin to rectify the scenario.

Finally, the country’s finances reached an appalling low --- and Louis was forced to use his absolute powers to force reforms, though they could only be maintained for more than 2 - 4 months maximum before he would be forced to revoke them. He closed down the french parliamentary system. The royal treasury was also unable to sustain the reforms imposed because it was in a crippled state as it was.

After much abuse from the the First & Second Estates ( after Louis reinstated the Estates-General ) the third estate decided unanimously declared themselves the National Assembly. Soon after Louis lost control of this newly formed legislative body - the revolution was underway and officially began with the Storming of the Bastille on July 14th 1789.

Louis Xvi’s Palace de Versailles was stormed by an angry mob on October 5th 1789. This was done in an attempt to kill Marie --- the now much hated symbol of frivolity to the French public. After the Marquis de Lafayette diffused the situation - the royal family was forced to move themselves to the Tuileries palace in Paris.

While plenty of key figures besides the king and queen attempted to gather strength to restore the former absolute power of the monarchy --- it would ultimately fail and many of these secret supporters either retracted loyalty to the crown under threat of death, or met grisly ends by the hands of the public & new governing body. Louis, finally realizing the danger he and his family were in and wanting to regain control of France - helped Axel von Fersen ( a rumored lover to the Queen ) plan the royal family’s escape to gather forces and gain protection by Austria. After a series of setbacks, missteps, poor judgements, indecision, and assorted other issues behind the scenes - the family was caught and returned to Paris ( Tuileries Palace ) on June 25th 1791 and placed under highly monitored ‘ house arrest ‘. It didn’t help that before they left, Louis left a manifesto denouncing democracy and asserting his authority as king by birthright. Many of his subjects felt torn and confused, though remained loyal ... until this incident in which the revolution was known to be imminent.

All in all, the call to arms fell on inactive deaf ears amid among other foreign monarchs, making the response woefully lackluster and this ultimately sealed the fate of the French aristocracy. On August 10th 1791, the people once again stormed the palace Louis and his family resided in forcing them all to take refuge with the Legislative Assembly.

Louis was officially arrested on August 13th 1792.

September 21st 1792 - the former Third Estate’s new government body the ‘ National Assembly ‘ announced France a republic and abolished the monarchy altogether. All of Louis - Auguste’s titles were taken and he was referred to as Citoyen Louis Capet. While many members wanted the gratification of executing the former king --- the fact some had backgrounds in legal work felt due process a necessity. An agreement was reached that there would be a trial for Louis before the National Convention.

Several charges were brought against Louis while he was being tried, though there were only three questions that mattered to the assembly:

1| Is Louis guilty ?

2| Whatever the decision, should there be an appeal to the people ?

3 | If found guilty: what punishment should Louis suffer?

On the 26th of December 1792, Louis responded tot he charges: Not Guilty. At this time, behind closed doors - he had already accepted his fate & knew that he would be found guilty. He was reported as wanting to hold his ground so that he might still be viewed favorably and as a good king to France.

Voting took place & after an uncomfortably close call - Louis was sentenced to death by the majority of one vote: his own cousin, the former Duc d’Orleans, voted to have his cousin executed immediately. After an unsuccessful attempt at swaying the decision - the King’s council was resigned ( read as: ‘ forced ‘ ) to allow the execution to proceed.

On Monday, January 21, 1793 --- The ( Former ) Sun King was executed by Guillotine at age 38. This happened on the Place de la Révolution. By most reputable accounts, Louis faced his death with resignation and dignity. He gave a small speech before hand and was stopped before he could complete it with a drum roll that signaled the Guillotine was ready.

After the execution, his body was taken to Madeleine Cemetery where he was given a small secret funeral service and then buried in an unmarked grave, head between his feet and covered in quicklime.

The cemetery closed in 1794. 21 years later, Louis XVIII had his brother and sister in law exhumed and reinterred in the Basilica of St. Denis. From 1816 - 1826 a monument honoring the King and Queen was erected in the same area the former cemetery and church occupied. It was named the ‘ Chapelle Expiatoire ‘.

#• Le Tendre Soleil Se Lèvera Á Nouveau. • ( Louis Auguste || Louis XVI. )#• You Can't Play My Cabinet Like A Harpsichord ... • ( NPCs. )#• Why Do Americans Think They Know It All ? • ( OOC Historical Rambling. )

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searchingwardrobes · 4 years

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My Problems with Once and Adoption/Foster Care

Ya’ll know I love this show, and I love the character of Emma Swan. BUT . . . their portrayal of adoption and foster care - particularly the adults who care for these children - leaves much to be desired. The thing that especially saddens me are those in the fandom who buy into their portrayal without question. I recently started another fic that throws adoption agencies under the bus. I don’t fully fault writer’s. After all, the source material is flawed, and we all want to write Emma in character. However, I just hope I can give you another perspective.

Why in the world am I qualified to talk about this? Well, let’s see . . .

* My cousin fostered to adopt all three of her children, two of them brothers.

* My sister pursued adoption for several years before deciding to embrace being, as she puts it, “the best aunt ever” instead.

* My best friend waited ten years to adopt her precious daughter. She went through the heartbreak of caring for her first child - a son - until his birth mother changed her mind at the last minute before the adoption was final.

* We have a close family friend who is like an “extra grandma” to my kids and her adult daughter was adopted at birth.

* My sister in law and her brother are adopted.

* My husband’s youngest brother and sister were officially adopted by his dad after he married their mom.

* Another close friend of mine adopted her twelve year old daughter from The Philippines two years ago. She was born with her mouth fused shut, no feet, and no hands. I tutored this little girl for a year, and I love her to death!

* A friend of mine who is now in her sixties put her daughter up for adoption when she became pregnant at fourteen. The girl found her as an adult, and they have now forged a relationship.

* Another friend of mine is fostering her niece while her sister is in rehab. Right now, it looks like it may become permanent.

This isn’t even an exhaustive list of all the people I know who have fostered and adopted. These all span multiple locations as well. I know it’s not the same as going through it myself, but all of the above people are dear to me and it hurts me deeply to see their way of life misrepresented.

So here are just a few things that I want to point out concerning the plot on Once:

1. Domestic infant adoption in the US varies state to state, but it basically goes like this:

* If a birth mother decides to pursue an adoption while she is still pregnant, it is HER decision who gets her baby. If she goes through an agency (most common), she will get to look through profiles of potential adoptive parents. This is important to remember, PLEASE! The birth mother chooses the parents, not the other way around. If it’s a private adoption, she usually finds out about the parents through friends, family, or acquaintances, but the choice is still hers. Therefore, if Emma had decided to put Henry up for adoption before he was born, as the show implies, she would have been the one to pick Regina out as his adoptive mom.

* The birth mother can decide to meet the birth parents or never meet them. The birth mother has the right to ask for financial assistance for everything from maternity clothes to counseling after she gives the baby up. The only thing illegal is the mother can’t “sell” her baby. In other words, she can’t make a profit off the adoption.

* The birth mother also gets to decide if it is a closed adoption, semi open, or completely open. Even in a closed adoption, the child has the right to the birth parent’s medical records when they come of age. Open adoptions are on a scale. Some birth mothers attend birthday parties and have regular visitation. Others let the child decide on contact when they reach a certain age. Sometimes they send letters each year on the child’s birthday. There are dozens of arrangements the birth mother can come to with the birth parents, and it all gets spelled out in a legal document.

* The only time an infant is placed in foster care is if the birth mother decides after birth that she doesn’t want the child. This is always temporary. Infants are either returned to the birth parents or are adopted. THERE IS NO GROWING UP FROM INFANCY IN FOSTER CARE! Now, a child can be taken away from their birth home at a later date due to neglect, drug abuse, etc. But no kid is born into foster care. There are thousands of parents in the US waiting for an infant to adopt, more than there are babies to adopt. That’s why it took my best friend TEN YEARS to find her daughter. That’s why when a baby was abandoned at the Atlanta airport a few years back, hundreds of parents called family services wanting the child. The boy had a home (which became permanent) within 48 hours. There is no way a healthy, beautiful baby girl like Emma would have been put in that group home like we saw in season two. At worst, she would have been placed with foster parents temporarily until the waiting period was over. (See below)

* After the infant is given over to the birth parents, there is a waiting period. During that time, the birth mother can change her mind. This varies wildly from state to state. Here in Georgia, it’s two weeks. In Pennsylvania, where my best friend lives, it is an entire month. On day 30, my best friend had to give her son back to his birth mother. I can not convey to you the pain she endured. Having said that, I’m glad birth mothers have the freedom to change their minds. I would never want to go back to the 1950s when babies were ripped from the arms of their devastated mothers who were given no say in the matter. On a side note, some adoptive parents opt to let the baby go to a temporary foster home until the waiting period is over so they don’t go through heartbreak if the birth mother changes her mind. My next door neighbors chose that route when they adopted their daughter, but remember in Georgia, that’s only two weeks. With my best friend, she felt a month was too long and she was willing to love on that child even if it was only for a month.

* Even after the waiting period is over, the adoption is not official until the parents stand before a judge. Legally speaking, this is more binding than birthing a biological child. In other words, there is no going back. No returning the child. No exchanges. No refunds. Which brings me to . . .

THE SWANS GIVING EMMA BACK: If Emma was legally adopted, this would be impossible. She states that she was three when it happened, making it even less credible to me. The only way this would make sense is if they were foster parents who never legally adopted her. It is true that foster parents sometimes decide to stop fostering when they have biological children, but adoption? Nope. (Not to mention the show later claimed that Emma chose the last name Swan herself when she was 9 or 10, so . . . )

2. The cost of adoption:

* I don’t know where the idea comes from that it’s expensive for a birth mother to give her baby up for adoption. The adoptive parents pay for everything, as I stated above, or at the very least, they pay the medical bills. This doesn’t mean it’s EASY for a mother to give up her baby. Props to Jen for portraying Emma’s agony so well in season three! However, just because something is difficult doesn’t mean it isn’t the best decision for the CHILD. Obviously, my friend who is now in her sixties was unable to care for a child at 14, when she was a child herself! She was thrilled to hear her birth daughter tell her about the happy home she was raised in. Like Emma tells Henry, birth mother’s give their children up “to give them their best chance.” It is a selfless decision.

* It IS expensive to adopt - for the adoptive parents. There are legal fees, fees for home inspections (which expire and have to be redone yearly), travel fees, medical fees (not only maternity for the birth mother, but physicals for them, their children, and even their pets), and then additional fees if they are paying an agency. This is a simplified list, honestly. A friend of mine had a blog when she was adopting her sons from Ethiopia, and her list of paperwork that had to be filed was mind-boggling.

RUMPLE ARRANGING HENRY’S ADOPTION: Considering all of the above, it had to be an illegal, black market adoption. That does exist -however, it’s usually foreign, not domestic. Nine times out of ten, however, they just swindle couples who are desperate to adopt. But you know, Once writers . . .

3. The reasons parents adopt or foster:

* Inability to conceive - this has to be number one. It’s the reason my best friend adopted, and it’s the reason my sister pursued it for so long. One sad thing? The most common reason for infertility is a disease called polycystic ovarian syndrome. One of the symptoms is weight gain, regardless of diet or exercise. Yet guess what many countries require for you to adopt? A “healthy” BMI. Meaning women with PCOS have an even harder time adopting.

* Compassion for orphans - This is why my friends adopted their daughter from the Philippines. They have two biological children, but when they thought about the millions of orphans in the world, they felt led to share their home and family with a child who did not have one. I know several people who foster for the same reason. They aren’t doing it for a “check from the government.” (And fyi, the government gives them most of that “money” in the form of food stamps and other public benefits that often only covers the bare minimum.)

* A need in their family - My friend who took in her niece had just come upon her “empty nest years,” but she couldn’t look the other way when a three year old little girl was being neglected because of her mother’s addictions. She and her husband were then back to pull ups (the mother hadn’t even attempted potty training), preschool cartoons, and teaching the ABCs. Their niece also had spent so much time in an exersaucer that her legs were crippled and she still couldn’t walk. They had to pay for braces on her legs and physical therapy. But how could they turn away their own flesh and blood? (By the way, she is now five years old and thriving!)

REASONS TO ADOPT ACCORDING TO ONCE: To fulfill your own needs and soothe your own loneliness. I’m not saying there aren’t awful, selfish people out there who adopt for that reason, but I ask you: How many people would be willing to go through ALL the difficulties I described above for selfish reasons? It just doesn’t make sense. And frankly, it is insulting to the many adoptive and foster parents that I know and love.

4. Regardless of all of the above, adopted kids DO struggle at times.

* Mary Margaret tells Emma in season one that Henry has the same question that all adopted kids do: “why did my real parents give me up?” (I’m paraphrasing, but you remember this scene, I’m sure). This is actually true. Pretty much every family I know who has adopted, their kids have gone through this at some point. No matter how loving a home they are raised in, this question inevitably comes up. Some kids (or adults) meet their birth parents and find peace : they really weren’t able to take care of me, they really did want what was best for me, they did it because they loved me. For others, meeting their birth parents is painful. Yet none of that means the adoption wasn’t the best choice or that the adoptive parents were awful to the child (like Regina).

* Is the foster care system in the US flawed? Yes. There are too many cases and not enough social workers. Children fall through the cracks, some of them have tragically died. However, if you actually look into the facts in such cases, children are most often injured or killed not by foster parents, but by their birth parents. Usually it is the system’s failure to remove children from dangerous homes that is the problem, not cruel foster parents. There are also not enough foster parents for children who need homes, with older children being the hardest ones to place. Many of these kids are suffering from severe trauma and caring for them isn’t easy. Typically, the reason kids are bounced around in the system is because their parents keep regaining custody, loosing it again, regaining it again, etc, etc. By the time the parents either get their shit together or relinquish custody, the kid’s a preteen or teen. So my question for Once is:

WHY DID EMMA GET BOUNCED AROUND? She was put back in the system at three, but we don’t see her again until she’s eight or so at the movie theater. Do you really expect me to believe they couldn’t find a home for adorable, sweet, smart little three year old Emma? My sister would have adopted a little girl like that in a heartbeat! She wouldn’t have cared that she was three. We’re told that Emma kept running away, but at three?

No way little Emma was incapable of being adopted. I just don’t buy it. Since adopted kids have issues even in loving homes, why couldn’t that have been the writer’s narrative? Couldn’t Emma’s adoptive parents simply died at some point? In my opinion, the whole thing was just lazy writing.

#melanie rants #once critique

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suchplausibilities · 5 years

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supercorp + medieval au or theme park au 👀💕

Don’t think I don’t know this was a Trap to do a Merlin/Supergirl fusion bianca. I do. but i have too many feelings about both of them and am not prepared for the inevitable implosion of emotion when the combine.

SO. Since last time i went to a theme park I spent the entire time dizzy and nauseous and therefore have bad feelings, I’m counting on your kind heart to allow me to slightly alter the timeline, and instead of doing a medieval AU, doing a Renaissance AU. Cool? Cool.

This fic would be called Open to Interpretation*, and would be forever long because I am physically incapable of shutting up. Lemme outline it for you (or give you the entire plot of the first half of the story):

Kara D’Anversa, the youngest daughter of a peasant class woodworker (originally Kara Zolea, daughter of a prominent traveling merchant), is nearly twenty when she decides what her course in life should be. She’s always been a thinker; the type to spend swaths of time in the field near her family’s cottage, taking detailed notes about the insects and animals and vegetation to better understand the whys behind their design. The way their aesthetics play into their function fascinates her in a very unique way. Her parents and sister - thinkers themselves, though in different ways - are happy to indulge her passion in any way they can, as they’re very aware that the older she gets, the less freedom she’ll have to be vibrant and brilliant and herself. If this means that half of most meals consist of the meaning of the color patterns of certain types of insects, then so be it.

(For the record: Alex knows a lot about leaves, now. A lot.)

When Jeremiah begins to notice the sketches starting to accompany her notes, he gets an idea. Kara receives her first book on techniques for crafting paint and canvas when she’s fifteen. Within three years, she has a total of six books related to painting and artistry.

When Alex is nearly twenty-five, her parents begin to discuss marriage. They’ve been receiving offers for years - unusual for the peasant class, given that poorer families usually required the help of their children for a larger portion of their youth, which also had the advantage of helping fathers to scrape together bigger dowries - but have neglected to give them any attention at all, given her age, their need for assistance in crafting and running the shop, and their desire to delay the inevitable for as long as possible, after they noticed that, even though she put forth a brave face, the idea of having a husband made Alex noticeably distressed. Now, though, she’s beginning to get offers from families known to be both kind and financially secure, and they’re afraid that, given her age, waiting would mean risking both her happiness and her future. Alex is both understanding and miserable.

The night that Jeremiah and Eliza tell Alex that they’ve narrowed it down to two men, and will likely have a deal by the end of the week, Kara spends the entire night in Alex’s bed, comforting and crying and laughing and just talking. It’s nearly dawn when Alex tells her to go. At Kara’s confused questions, Alex finally smacks her lightly on the back of her head, and tells her to stop being dense. She’s been talking about exploring and painting different parts of the country, finally finding a person whose portrait she finds interesting enough to paint, and meeting famous artists and being tutored by them for literal years. It’s time to shut up about it and finally go do it.

Kara’s understandably taken aback by this - um, she’s a woman near marrying age living under the feudal system. How in the heck would she even manage that?? Alex gives her money she’s been saving since she was Kara’s age (her dad was kind enough to let her take a cut from some of the jobs they completed together), meant to be her back-up plan if her parents were strong-armed into accepting the one of the proposals from the various jerks asking for her hand, and tells Kara that she’s smart enough to figure out the rest.

Kara leaves the next day.

Only, here’s the problem: She’s been reading and hearing about various artists for years now, and most of them have one thing in common: they’re stationed in Florence. That’s hella far to travel, considering that she lives in the Kingdom of Naples, in the province of Ultra, which doesn’t even have the decency to be near the Northern border - it’s dead up in the middle. That’s not even mentioning the fact that she’s a beautiful technically-still-teenager, traveling alone.

Furthermore, she’s not ignorant of her circumstances. There aren’t many artists that would be willing to take on a female pupil. She’s heard quite a bit about the personalities of several of them, and from what she can tell, that there are just a few that would even possibly maybe consider that. And, given that she’s risking everything for this, she’s not willing to settle on who she would like to learn from. If she’s going to do this, she’s going big. So, she decides to seek out the artist that most inspires her, to the point that the chance of learning from him is totally worth risking her life and future: Leonardo da Vinci.

During her harrowing trip to Florence (which involves lots of running, hiding, kind strangers with familiar names that are more than willing to help, and - naturally - punching of gross dudes), a few more hiccups in her plan begin to emerge. Firstly, she learns that da Vinci may be from Florence, and he may frequently stay there, but he definitely doesn’t live there. In fact, one thing that didn’t make it into her books or the stories she was told was that he is constantly traveling. He’s considered one of the greatest artists of his time, and is, therefore, frequently commissioned to work for rulers and nobles all over Europe. So, even if she makes it to Florence, there is a very good chance that she’ll never actually meet him.

Secondly, da Vinci’s willingness to tutor talented artists that wish to improve means that he already has quite a few pupils, assistants, and potential protégés that travel with him. Even if he was willing to take on one more artist, the fact remains that she is a woman. Her gender might not matter to him, but it’s unlikely that all of his students will share his feelings, which could potentially be a serious roadblock.

Naturally, though, Kara ignores the odds and keeps going. Even if he’s not in Florence, he’s a big enough name that she can probably still find him, and she’s willing to do whatever it takes. And, as far as his students go? Let’s just assume there’s a 16th century Italian equivalent to ‘screw those guys,’ and that Kara thought it very loudly.

Finally, two and a half years after leaving home, Kara arrives in Florence. Is she poor and tired? Yes. Is she also resourceful and unshakably determined? Absolutely. So, after she manages to secure temporary housing and an underpaying job willing to employ women on the down low, she starts asking around about da Vinci. Reports are contradictory, but she finally manages to speak to a reliable source that is absolutely sure that he’s in France, having been befriended, commissioned, and housed by the King, Francis I. With some effort, she finds the name of the town he’s settled down in: Amboise.

Nearly three years later, she arrives in Amboise. It reminds her of her village, because, although it’s slightly larger, it’s still small enough to be very close-knit. It doesn’t surprise her, then, that when people learn where she’s from and why she’s there, they’re slightly standoffish. What does surprise her is that, even when they realize her persistence, they’re entirely unwilling to even confirm or deny da Vinci’s presence, and continue to suggest that she look to expand her art knowledge elsewhere.

Finally, a local baker that she’s managed to befriend in the short time she’s been in town tells her that she’s asking the wrong questions. He tells her to head towards the eastern edge of town, and ask for Luciano.

Asking for this Luciano goes well - right up until the moment she explains why she wants to meet him and triggers the same brick wall she had before. She learns very quickly to keep it vague and let people draw their own conclusions about her reasons, which pays off well. Luciano Michelini, she learns, is a close friend and apprentice of Leonardo da Vinci. da Vinci, by this time, is elderly, and suffers from a crippling of his hand that has essentially stopped him from creating anything new. As a result, Michelini handles all requests for pieces, deliveries of purchases, and correspondence with those seeking guidance on artistic and engineering projects. Unlike da Vinci, Michelini is often seen about town, and the locals know him well.

After hearing all of this, Kara makes the painful decision to end her quest here. Bothering an old man so crippled that he barely leaves his home seems excessive and unkind, which is unacceptable, no matter how much it would mean to her to meet and learn from him. She’s disappointed, but there are other ways to improve in her artistry that don’t involve harassing the elderly. So, instead of seeking out a meeting with Michelini, she gathers her things a prepares herself to return to Florence.

…Which is, of course, when Michelini finds her.

See, the town is even more tight knit than Kara realized, and word had been passed around about the strange girl wanting to become a pupil of Leonardo da Vinci since the day she arrived. The baker (who truly had become fond of Kara), had been instructed by Luciano himself to point her his way. When they finally met, he explained that he preferred for his first impressions to be from a distance. He liked having the upper hand in a first meeting. da Vinci’s fame meant that it was important to know the type of person he was dealing with.

This does not annoy Kara as might have in other situations. Instead, she finds this man endlessly intriguing. Soon, she’s telling the tale of her long journey here, showing him her paintings, and getting a much clearer picture of what type of person would be able to get so close to someone like da Vinci. Before she knows it, Michelini is helping her to gather her things and leading her to the Château of Cloux - Leonardo da Vinci’s estate.

On the way, she learns a few things: Firstly, Luciano Michelini is not a painter. Unlike most that sought out tutelage from da Vinci, his desire was to be educated in the complex science of mechanics and engineering. Michelini saw the structures and machinery of the day and just thought that they could do better. There was so much more that man could do, and there was no one better than Leonardo to help him to learn how to make real, permanent advances.

Secondly, he met da Vinci in Milan, when he was 18 - eight years ago, now. He’d had many pupils when Michelini first began following da Vinci, but he was now the only one, and had been for several years. Luciano credits these years as ones that gave his life real meaning.

Once they’ve arrived at the expansive château and have taken up residence in the sitting room, though, a few more (fairly vital) pieces of information are shared.

For example: Leonardo da Vinci, Luciano explains calmly, has been dead for nearly six months. Kara’s silent shock ends up very convenient, in that it allows Luciano to explain without protest:

A little over a year ago, Leonardo contracted a mild illness, expected to resolve itself within a few days. A few weeks later, he was entirely bedridden, and stayed that way for months, before finally dying. Luciano, who had long since considered the man his father, was his primary caregiver, and therefore spent hours upon hours hearing stories of his past, ideas that struck him suddenly, and his regrets.

On his deathbed, Leonardo had shared that his greatest regret, by far, was that he had not carried out his works to the extent he should have, and had therefore failed God and accomplished no real change. This affected Luciano deeply, as he’d never met a greater man in his life. So, as Leonardo lived out his last few hours, Luciano came up with a plan that would prove to an even definitively how great Leonardo da Vinci truly was.

With the blessing of King Francis I, and a vow from those that lived in Amboise (a town that was very unique in that very few people moved in, and just as few moved out) to stay mum, Luciano kept da Vinci’s death a secret, abandoned his own projects, and set to work building - and, where possible, implementing - many of the inventions da Vinci had detailed in his notebooks. The king had granted Luciano two years to bring to life as many projects as he could before da Vinci’s death was officially announced, at which point they would be revealed and demonstrated so that all of Europe had a much clearer understanding of how much da Vinci had - and could have, if he’d had more time - affected their lives. It wasn’t enough, Luciano admitted, but it was something, and the least of what da Vinci deserved.

When Kara finally digests this news, she asks the first question that pops into her head: Why was she - an outsider with no affection for da Vinci, outside of the impersonal kind she’d developed from hearing about and occasionally seeing his work -let in on such a huge secret?

“You’re exactly the type of artist he would have taken as a student without hesitation. The type of unique fortitude combined with the level of skill you possess is very rare. You have a very sharp eye. He’d have never passed up on the opportunity to teach you. I can’t introduce you to him, but I can show you things of his that might help guide you.

“To be entirely, honest, though, my ego wasn’t entirely uninvolved in the decision. You remind me of myself.”

“Because of my passion and determination?”

“Maybe a little, but those traits are more common than you think. I was more referring to how we’re both women that went through great lengths to avoid having to give up our entire selves to better fit into our assigned roles.”

“…uh, yeah. That’s… similar.”

(Kara gets the full story the next day, when she’s less overwhelmingly stupefied:

Lena Lovatti was the daughter of Lorenzo Lovatti, one of the richest men in Milan. He was also one of the most feared. Though he was far from poor, he sought out ways to climb even further in the ranks of the nobility, and ultimately managed to gain much more wealth by acting as a spy for the French, a successful venture that ultimately helped them to overthrow the existing dynasty in Milan and take power there. Given his wealth and the protection he received from the Milan’s new French rulers, he was practically untouchable. This was a good thing, because he was also largely hated by the locals for his treason.

This little hiccup meant that Lorenzo had only recently found a suitable suitor for Lena, who’d just turned 18. Lena was in the process of finding a way out of that situation (and that house) when her father requested that Leonardo da Vinci, one of the most famous artists of the time, come visit their estate to discuss the possibility of Leonardo completing a piece for Lorenzo.

da Vinci ultimately declined, but during the visit, he caught Lena - who’d retreated to the study after dinner - sketching the design for a machine she was thinking up. Impressed, he convinced her to show him other ideas she’d come up with. When he mentioned that he would love the chance to guide her and help her to better her understanding of the natural forces at play that would determine the effectiveness of her inventions, she laughed, asking him not to feed her impossible dreams. She was a Woman, after all. Leonardo clearly didn’t care about her gender, but wasn’t ignorant of the challenges they would both face if a upper class woman joined him in his travels. He didn’t give up, though. After a brief silence, he asked, “Tell me: Would you be especially opposed to hosiery, or are you too attached to the bodice?”

Two weeks later, Lena Lovatti’s strange disappearance was clarified by her family: She’d run away and joined a convent.

Three years later, the French were overthrown in Milan, and its former dynasty once again took power.)

The epilogue (wtf is wrong with me) would involve an episode of Fox and Friends, wherein they discuss the recent discovery of letters and portrait sketches that would suggest that Leonardo da Vinci’s most prominent pupil and inheritor of his estate was most likely a woman. The implications of this were even more astounding, as said pupil was married to the woman who, just a decade ago, been identified as the artist behind a nom de plume that had been used on several paintings now considered to be priceless.

The segment’s a complete cyclone of insane garbage, but this is what becomes everyone’s favorite soundbite:

“This is just the most ridiculous – I mean, god. They got the bathrooms, they got the marriage, they got into congress - how much more gay do we need? Are we rewriting the constitution next? ‘We hold these truths to be self evident, that all men are created fabulous.’?”

*lol good try, past Erin. That is not its name.

#this took so much research #i hope it was worth it #inaccuracy in historical writing is my kryptonite #by which i mean it kills me slowly and cruelly #hahaha outline right?#in which erin once again fails to chill #ps d'anversa is a real last name common to that area i didnt make it up #but i WAS tickled pink #pps the idiot at the end is not quoting the constitution #pippytmi #writing memes #my writing #kara and lena #bianca #supergirl

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talabib · 3 years

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How To Stop Living For Others And Start Living For Yourself

Take a minute and answer these questions: Why are you in your current job? How did you choose your major in college? Why don’t you spend all your time on your favorite hobbies? To the first question, you probably said, “The job pays enough money.” The second: “My parents told me to get a career.” And the third, “Hobbies all the time? That would be selfish.”

These answers highlight what’s wrong with many of our choices in life: we do what others tell us, or what we think we are “supposed” to do. What you really want deep down rarely enters the equation. This has to change. You need to start living for yourself and start doing what you love doing!

Your negative beliefs are the biggest obstacle between you and your dreams.

If you feel that you’re an undiscovered genius lost in the daily grind of a dead-end job, you need to ask yourself – what’s holding you back? Most likely it’s you, or more specifically, your negative beliefs.

What we believe is largely based on the messages with which we’ve been bombarded since we were very young. Your parents, for instance, might have told you that nobody in the family has ever been any good at making money. The more you hear this message, the more likely your brain and subconscious will believe it’s true.

The result? You’ll shy away from pursuits that could lead to financial success, from learning about investment strategies to pursuing an MBA – all because you’ve convinced yourself that trying to make money is pointless.

Such negative beliefs are known as the Big Snooze. It’s this part of your personality that keeps you from chasing your dreams. Fortunately, you’re more than capable of freeing yourself from the crippling power of the Big Snooze. How? By adopting positive beliefs that allow you to have faith in yourself.

Start by reflecting on who you are as if you were another person entirely. Admire your strengths, and think honestly about all the good things you could say about yourself.

Use these reflections as the basis for some positive beliefs. When you believe that you’re talented, that your ideas are worthwhile and that you have something to offer the world, the negative attitudes that you’ve carried with you for so long will cease to hold you back. It’s at this point that your journey begins.

Discover the person you want to be and don’t let anyone tell you to quit.

When we’re young, we have an intuitive understanding of who we are and how we do things. But as we grow older, we stop listening to this inner knowledge and do what others tell us to do.

If you want to make your ambitions reality, you need to embrace your inner badass. Once you stop caring about what other people think, you can find your own path!

Do you dream of becoming an author? To do this, you’ll have to write a lot! This, in turn, likely requires you to carve out free time while you hold down a job that helps you pay the rent.

Colleagues may snicker about your “hobby.” Friends may drift away as you spend less time with them and more time on your novel. These changes can be bitter, but you have to push on if you want to get published.

Appreciate that you’re doing your own thing, and you’ll find the strength to ignore the disapproval of others. Granted, it’s not always easy to discover your “thing.” The demands or pressures of friends and family hem many of us in. But if you decide to become a doctor or a store manager just because it’s family tradition, you’ll wind up hating your job and your choices.

So listen to your intuition and take a step back to observe how you live, what you do and what really interests you. Reflecting in this way will help you discern what you truly want from life. If you’re yearning to become a blacksmith, for example, then accept this fact and go for it!

Express a desire to learn, cultivate gratitude, and learn how to forgive for a happier, richer life.

Your time on this earth is limited – so make the best of it! Every day offers a chance to enjoy and celebrate life’s journey, though it’s all too easy to forget this in the rush and bustle of modern life. There are three things you can do to value each day a little more:

First, change your attitude to challenging tasks. Rather than approaching a problem like an expert, consider yourself an avid learner. People with a passion to learn don’t feel pressure to prove their abilities, which means they don’t grapple with the fear of failure, either. Mistakes are no longer frightening but a welcome part of the learning journey. Let’s say you’re a professional ice skater. If you see yourself as a champion, every fall can feel like failure and a blow to your self-esteem. But if you’re instead a lifelong learner, you’ll approach new challenges with a playful attitude, with more courage to take risks that in turn help you learn more.

Second, make an effort to express and experience gratitude daily. Gratitude isn’t about showing appreciation for the sake of being polite – it’s a positive state of being. By being grateful, you keep all the good things in life in the foreground of your thoughts. And by practicing and sharing gratitude, you can help others stay positive, too. Say, for example, you work in a tight-knit team. You can practice gratitude by focusing on what your team does well. Perhaps you’re able to keep communication transparent, open and kind. Or your team strives to keep egos in check. Whatever it is, be thankful for it! And thank every member for the things they do well.

Finally, you can improve each day by learning to forgive others and yourself, too. If someone hurts you or betrays you, the incident will trouble you until you forgive them. Why? Because forgiveness allows you to move forward in life. The same goes for something you might have done that you now regret. If you’ve done your best to make amends, it’s time to forgive yourself. By accepting yourself and your mistakes, you’ll be able to free yourself from negative thoughts and sleepless nights.

Your thoughts are powerful, so make them work for you!

In our modern world, we’re hyper-focused on action. Thinking things over and taking time to develop ideas, on the other hand, are habits that we don’t often practice. But we should.

Perhaps you want to become a writer, but the road to becoming a published author is unclear. To uncover the how of this process, you might look to literary role models and examine how they achieved their dreams to find inspiration for your own path.

As you feel your way and progress, you’ll begin to feel comfortable calling yourself a writer. Thinking of yourself as the person you want to be is another powerful way to make your thoughts work for you.

By acting as if the thing you want is already a reality, negative thoughts won’t be able to hold you back. In other words, fake it ‘til you make it!

If you dream of becoming a great speaker but are afraid of addressing a crowd, don’t focus on your trembling hands or timid voice. Instead, visualize yourself delivering fantastic speeches, and you’ll soon be presenting more confidently. The more speeches you give, the more your confidence will grow, and the more your public speaking will improve – this is called a virtuous circle.

Tackle procrastination, excuses and hesitation

Thought is a powerful tool when it comes to achieving your goals, but it must be combined with real action. To act positively, you need to first overcome the drag of procrastination and hesitation.

When we procrastinate, we let the fear of failure stop us from following through on decisions. If you think that you’re not qualified to perform a certain task, you’ll look for any reason not to try it. Thoughts like “My writing isn’t good enough” or “It’ll never pay the way” will only hold you back.

To overcome these excuses, you need to convince yourself of your purpose. If your resolve is weak, this may be a sign that you need to redefine your goals.

Taking action also requires you to overcome hesitation. This isn’t easy! Often, we hesitate when we’re scared to become someone we might not like. Let’s say that your dream is to become a stage actor, holding the attention of appreciative audiences and commanding a powerful presence.

But you hesitate when you seriously consider this goal. After all, you’ve never liked extroverts, and it seems to you that most people judge such people negatively, too. Will becoming an actor turn you into the very person you dislike? Short answer – no. You simply need to learn to overcome your hesitation.

To do this, you need to stop judging others. Then spend time asking yourself tough questions, like “Do I really want to become an actor?” or “Will it make me happy?”

If you answer yes to these questions, then it’s time to recognize your hesitation and procrastination for what they really are. No more excuses!

Focus all aspects of your life toward your goal.

So you’ve decided to change your life path to work toward your dream goal. But how far will you go? Too often talented people don’t live their dreams because they give up too soon.

Remember that failure is a fact of life, and we all experience rejection. Basketball legend Michael Jordan didn’t make the cut for his high school basketball team; renowned movie director Steven Spielberg was rejected from film school three times!

While rejection is a part of anyone’s journey, quitting is something you should never do. Instead, learn from your mistakes and keep pushing until you create the life you’ve always wanted.

To overcome the temptation to give up, you need to remain responsible in all aspects of your life. If your habits, surroundings or circle of friends make it harder for you to achieve your goals, it’s time to make some thoughtful changes.

In fact, creating a new environment and lifestyle centered around your life purpose is one of the best ways to stay on track.

If you’re an aspiring writer, surround yourself with people who have similar passions. Start and end your day in ways that will help you reconnect with your goals. Explore new groups, places and communities that can provide you with more support as you push forward.

It’s also worth reflecting on how you think about money. While it’s good to be conscientious about saving and spending, choosing to spend big from time to time is justified if doing so will improve your life. Use your money to live the life you want in accordance with your life goals!

Ultimately, your new life will emerge through clear intentions, powerful desires and action. Don’t care about what others think, and crucially, give yourself permission to live your dreams!

To stop living for others and live for yourself., learn to pinpoint the things in your life that are holding you back and make changes to how you live and think to address these blocks. Importantly, don’t let anyone distract you from doing what you love! Soon enough, you’ll find yourself living a life of which you’ve always dreamed.

#How To Stop Living For Others And Start Living For Yourself.

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ramsybaby · 4 years

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Truth be told, the existence and frequency of crimes being committed aren’t as mind boggling as I tend to express. The true riddle lies in what type of reward executors of the worst infractions could possibly be dedicating their lives, our lives, towards getting. With obvious and typical financial benefits aside (and threats of murder for noncompliance) there isn’t much room left to imagine other motivations.

What surprises me, I suppose, is that hundreds in power appear to not care what consequences will befall their own families, as a result of being connected to those who participated directly in the destruction and deceptions.

Especially when the hooves of their high and mighty stallions of “justice” are heard thundering across the broad quilt of our faces, each and every day.

In a world chock full of indignant “do-gooders” and exploited child spokespeople who are trained and rewarded to parrot those who hate us with every fiber of their being.

In the future (if there’s one left to be reached) the progeny of today’s criminals will more than likely suffer much of the same humiliations that current descendants of infamous figures have to endure.

I don’t see this habit changing much in the next few generations. As a matter of fact, with average IQs dropping as they are, we’re on a return trip towards average mindsets ruled by dark aged suspicions and fears; still throwing salt over our shoulders and ogling others for traces of “bad joo joo” from the carriers of such deep-rooted corruption. What an unfair and heavy burden for any human being to carry. When they’ve struggled to build reputations amongst their clans and colleagues..only to be dashed on the grounds of historical evidence and assumptions of genetic tyrannical “cooties”.

Revenge. Disgust. Repulsion. Avoidance. These are the “gifts” those who knowingly destroy vital evidences leave their children. Lifetimes of opportunities dashed for the sake of single lifetime of kicks and privilege great grandpas Bush or Obama couldn’t shake and jollies which great-grand hyenas Clinton and Pelosi refused to drop from their sharp and dentured jaws.

From mortified sons and daughters, related to formerly esteemed editors of magazine dynasties to the innocent grandchild of a doctor forced to answer for tens of thousands of mothers bullied into the forced sterility and insanity. Be it by trial or the final and depressed contemplation of suicide. They will all suffer from this lack of foresight that all, who could have helped us, seem to be struck with.

The following is what I have determined are truths which will eventually drop into the light-with the aid of collectively restored mental functioning. I mention restoration because the ability to “think right” must be restored; or else we’ll never understand nor see the obvious things which we sadly struggle to see now. The things which are killing and sickening us.

And will continue to kill and sicken us.

The following is a sampling of damages and the “odd and unexplained events” sure to be studied -along with other ongoing “trivial “ and serious offenses that I neither have the time nor the heart to address.

Lack of assistance re critical news for deaf citizens https://www.wcpo.com/news/national/fake-sign-language-interpreter-behavior

http://limpingchicken.com/2017/09/11/deaf-news-new-fake-interpreter-storm-over-hurricane-irma-emergency-newsflash/

An international corporation being forced to offer decent and necessary assisted services for the deaf. Although it’s an older article, there are still ongoing issues. https://www.cnet.com/news/netflix-sued-by-deaf-group-over-lack-of-subtitles/

Mercury, admitted by even the World Heath Organization https://www.who.int/ipcs/assessment/public_health/mercury/en/ as being extremely dangerous, being injected into millions of human beings and infants.

Their echoed assurance of Ethyl mercury being “quite different” from mercury; exposed as a lie thanks to scientific testimonials, including a 2017 report which specifically confirmed the two act in identical ways as far as damages are concerned, with differences being in the time of shelf life and residual tracing.

(Needless to say, this has been the worst and most publicized abuse)

The increased crippling and damage caused to newborn babies by induced labor https://www.michigancerebralpalsyattorneys.com/causes-and-risk-factors-of-cerebral-palsy/labor-and-delivery-problems/cerebral-palsy-pitocin-cytotec-labor-inducing-drugs/

under the World Health Organization internationally pushed policies https://apps.who.int/iris/bitstream/handle/10665/44531/9789241501156_eng.pdf;sequence=1

The refusal of assistance for the stopping of genital mutilation https://www.cbsnews.com/news/detroit-federal-judge-dismisses-charges-female-genital-mutilation-case/

although we are obligated to numerous “women’s rights” laws , with the United Nations making worn out decades of promises to end such violence…which even their own soldiers are immune from being prosecuted under.

https://www.pbs.org/wgbh/frontline/announcement/frontline-uncovers-new-cases-of-sex-abuse-by-united-nations-peacekeepers/

View at Medium.com

(you will have to input the following article’s link-from top of the search bar area- manually)

The following are a few laws and instructions that can, at wretched least, be easily tied to the aforementioned insults and abuses. (Something that may have been worth investigating if we would have had enough human beings in positions of influence, strong enough and fearless enough to have put millions of children’s lives in front of their own narrow interests.)

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Which leads us to one parallel factor that is commonly shared by the majority of this worlds’ leaders. And which should evaporate any arguments which begin with idiotic “Bi-partisan” huffing and puffing. ..Ronald Reagan, as both governor and president, frequently referred to the tradition, whether as a moral principle or a reason for specific policies on issues such as abortion. John Kasich, then the governor of Ohio, wanted to set up a new agency to promote Judeo-Christian values. Mitt Romney saw it as “central to America’s rise in global leadership.” President Barack Obama invoked it to eulogize Shimon Peres. Then-candidate Donald Trump vowed he would be “stopping cold the attacks on Judeo-Christian values.” And Stephen K. Bannon repeatedly invokes it in his plans to promote European and American nationalism….

(taken from complete Washington Post article which can be read here https://www.washingtonpost.com/politics/2019/04/17/once-judeo-christian-tradition-united-americans-now-it-divides-them/) One can plainly see the spirit of agreement and cooperation includes all parties and differing POVs.

Agreements which include actual legislation that our politicians have been free to make decisions upon , in blatant and unchecked monarchial fashion, for many years. The most shameless molestation of our Constitution-marrying religious matters into the very heart of state affairs.

https://www.congress.gov/bill/102nd-congress/house-joint-resolution/104/text

Finally, we have a last, but not least , “hint” of things not being as we’ve been forced to believe. A “clue” as to things not being as we depended on them being in order to operate within this “loving and respecting one another” snow globe. Choosing to look on the brighter side of matters, it’s a “hint” which can help us better maneuver what precious little is left of our lives, in order to avoid future and oncoming assaults. https://religiondispatches.org/holy-spit-why-do-ultra-orthodox-jews-spit-at-christians/

Never mind this bug eyed and open mouthed “spit” into our face, regarding the witholding of “assistance” from “unworthy” human beings.

When an entire fabricated piece of fiction of zombies in the land was vomited out from the guts of CDC instead of real and useful information (that used to be displayed so we could better save our lives) in the event of a true emergency.

https://www.cdc.gov/cpr/zombie/index.htm

It is these obvious damages and evils resulting from these types of connections which will plague the reputations and pain the consciences of the descendants- of the hundreds of leaders, academics, media monopolists, celebrities, clergy and all others…who have decided “to hell” with even the very children they promised to “love and provide” for.

Never mind us -the “dirty and revolting human beings that infect the earth” they rule over and claim embarrassing “superiority” over.

It’s simply a shame to see how many human beings, of supposed impeccable status and reputations, have ended up safeguarding the condition of their legacy with no better regard than pet waste scraped from the bottom of their well-heeled and “Louboutin”ed feet.

The “celebrated” multitude who bare their ugly teeth and have the naked nerve to dare accuse scores of us of “anti-Semitism” ; when in our own families we carry the DNA of mothers who had to watch their babies skulls get crushed in land stealing massacres, fathers who had limbs chopped off in attempts for freedom and those millions of families who carry the wounds of countless extermination programs…where their “betters” used them like any coward who has the audacity to use human shields.

If we were to be a bit more honest and a LOT less vain, we would see that the spiritual obligation to deceive us means we’ve NEVER been protected nor “loved” in the first place..by these all too mortal “men”.

Note;(As he predicted and as tyrants insist we remain terrorized by, as if we’re forever doomed to stay in the 200 B.C.s instead of 2020 A.D., he was murdered in the period before the Bolshevik uprising) The author is slandered (in a Wikipedia article) as being so ignorant as to have compiled a controversial translation of the Judaic documents, risking his very life, with the poorest understanding of the ancient language. As one can see, on occasion, he did include original text-meaning the door is closed on any such careless “fact” It is important work which resulted in one of the bravest moves a human citizen could have even imagined risking in the 15th century..especially while working under the severe eyes of the most dangerous merger of institutions that this world has ever been forced to suffer and exist under.)

photo By Sergey Nivens

An Extreme and Wicked Lack of Concern Truth be told, the existence and frequency of crimes being committed aren't as mind boggling as I tend to express.

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the-bounce-back · 4 years

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THE CONFIDENCE CHRONICLES PART III - CONFIDENCE IN STARTING OVER

This is post 3/5 of my “Confidence Chronicles” series, in which I discuss the mindsets, actions and thought processes I’ve applied to build/rebuild my confidence in different aspects of my life. The goal of these 5 posts is for you readers to be able to apply relevant points to your own insecurities in order to combat them, and hopefully aid in building your own confidence over time.

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I know… this is insanely overdue. But this time I have a valid reason, I promise.

The purpose of this part of the Confidence™ series was (and still is) to discuss and learn how to eliminate feelings of insecurity, fear, anxiety and situational depression that can arise from trying to pattern a major life change. Namely, those changes that you just know are going to reshape your whole future from the moment it’s set in motion, and completely tear you out of your comfort zone.

Believe it or not, when I started planning this series what feels like eons ago (April? May? Who even knows anymore), I had an extensive plan about how I was going to discuss how I found the confidence to completely start over - twice - and how much it has made me feel better about myself in all aspects of my life for overcoming it all. I was so pleased with myself in regards to how I was going to tie in this post to my post about overcoming my crippling anxiety that came with moving back to London earlier this year (read it here anyways, it’s good stuff), and I had even almost finished the post.

Ok, that’s a lie. But I had come a little more than half way.

However, I was forced to delete all my delightful anecdotes and clever little reasonings about my growth from forcing myself to move back to the UK and eventually back to London to be happy (I don’t count moving to Sweden or Nottingham as sTaRtInG oVeR because I didn’t choose it for myself… all tea/shade/offense intended), because something very unexpected ended up happening.

Basically, the job that I moved to London for - my *~dReAm jOb~* - ended up not being at all what I wanted. In fact, it ended up putting me in a much worse place mentally. I could go into detail about what exactly happened at that office but it’s honestly not worth the energy - I recently quit on the spot, packed my load and went home the same day, and since then, I’ve been unemployed.

So - what does this have to do with this post?

After having some time to regroup and pattern my emotional and mental adjustment to this new situation, I realised that a lot of the coping mechanisms I used to get through other life-changing predicaments in the past were also applicable to a major life change that didn’t necessarily involve the stress and drama of relocating to another country or city. In addition to this, I also realised that the more I put myself in not so ideal situations - such as unemployment - the better I get at handling myself in these situations, and the more able I am to stay calm and collected while I’m trying to figure out my next step. In other words - it would have been wrong to submit this post about navigating a large change in my life, all while excluding a currently ongoing major life change… if that makes any sense at all.

Anyway - all you need to know is that this post will discuss how to find the confidence, mental resilience and energy to go through a complicated life change, eliminating the fear of failure during the whole project and understanding that while everything might not go to plan, you will be okay at the end of the process. I will draw examples from my two big moves, as well as my ongoing situation to illustrate my points.

So, without further ado, if you want to know how I’ve been able to confidently navigate a few of the hardest times of my short life with (most of) my sanity intact, do keep on reading.

1. Identify how badly you want to/need to make a major change in terms of your mental health.

Don’t get me wrong, I’d never downplay someone else's mental and emotional turmoil… but if you’re anything like me, you’ll probably have a mini meltdown at least once a week over something extremely minor, in which you dramatically declare to yourself that you are leaving and never coming back. Last time this happened, I was pissed off because McDonald’s hadn’t given me any sauces for my nuggets.

A tragedy? No (yes).

A reason to uproot my whole life and move to Indonesia? Depends on how you see it… but I’m going to go with no.

The point I’m trying to make is that you need to evaluate your current situation in depth, assess what about it is making you feel like a major change is needed, and see if there are any less drastic solutions that can help you through that rough patch.

In my case, even after analysing the situations in hindsight, I genuinely believe that there was no other option for me in either of the cases. I’ve touched upon how I never really felt at home or like I belonged in Sweden; therefore, moving back to the UK for uni and meeting new people that were more on my wavelength ended up being a massive boost for my self-confidence and sense of belonging. In terms of moving from Nottingham to London, I had a massive back-and-forth with myself if it was really necessary; I considered changing jobs and moving further away from areas in the city that constantly reminded me of my ex, but in the end, I decided that cutting Nottingham out of my life altogether was the only way I could allow myself to heal. Finally, with my former job, I considered firming all the stress until I’d either a) pass the one year mark so it’d look better on my cv when I quit, or b) tough it out until I got promoted and would get a massive pay rise so that the stress would be worth it. Needless to say, I opted for neither.

The common denominator here is that I thoroughly evaluated the situations in terms of the toll they were taking on me, and made a decision based on that. I’m a firm believer that once you prioritise your mental wellbeing over everything else - and do all in your power to keep your mental peace - self-assurance will inevitably follow, simply because knowing what you will or will not put up with is the first step to becoming more confident.

2. Eliminate fear.

Please don’t get me wrong here. It is one million percent normal to fear the unknown and hesitating to venture out of your comfort zone. We crave stability, comfort and familiarity to have a calm and peaceful life. But trust me on this - forcing yourself to ignore the alarm bells in your head and resisting the temptation to not go through with the change will be the best thing you’ve ever done.

It’s definitely no secret that there are so many of us out there that hate our strict routines, go to a job we hate every day, and are made to feel worse by our peers who seem to be having the time of their lives on social media (spoiler: they probably aren’t). However, we choose the dullness and boredom over making a change, because we’re afraid of instability and uncertainty in life. I even used to be like that, because I got told at a young age that education and career stability are two of the most important things in life, and that venturing away from them will severely damage my prospects for my future career.

This is true, to a certain degree - but I decided that my own happiness needed to start taking priority over my fear of being unstable. In other words, I decided that my own well-being is and always will be my main priority in life, regardless of the situation.

Once you make that commitment to yourself - and really mean it - I promise that you will discover confidence you probably didn’t even realise you had. When you look at your life and realise that you’re not being the happiest version of yourself, you’ll want to do everything within your power to change this - regardless of how scared you are.

In my case, this was especially true when I was working in Nottingham and first started considering moving to London. I was absolutely terrified that I was going to be moving to one of the most expensive cities in the world without a 100% guarantee that I would be financially stable, and for a long time my fear of both financial and emotional uncertainty made me try my best to see the positives with my current situation, and to find an excuse to play it safe.

However, as you can probably imagine, I got tired of lying to myself and pretending to be content with my situation. You can only run away for your feelings for so long, and in the end me forcing myself to stay somewhere where I was no longer happy just made me even more emotionally drained. In other words, the fear ended up inflicting more pain and stress than actually getting my sh*t together and organising the move when I first had the idea to leave the city behind.

I want you to remember that part. Letting yourself stay in a distressing situation because of fear will only stagnate and depress you in the long run. I really, really hope that this testimony gives you the kick up the arse that you need to take control of your future and emotional state.

Another approach to fear is to not eliminate it, but to embrace it. This, in the sense that my fear of living with regrets is infinitely larger than my fear of living in uncertainty. The thought of making a “safe” decision now, and then 10 years down the line finding myself obsessing over loads of different “what if…?” scenarios that could’ve happened if I had just been brave enough, makes me incredibly anxious. In this case, I welcome the fear, because it takes on the role of a motivator.

The bottom line is that you (most likely) won’t die from living in uncertainty for a while. However, you have to develop the confidence that everything will turn out fine in the end. Which brings me to my final point…

3. Understand that although things may not go to plan, life has a way of figuring itself out.

If you by any chance are already considering going through the process of starting over (if so, kudos!) and have devised an immaculately detailed plan on how to succeed, I’m here to tell you to rip it out of your notebook, scrunch it up, and slam dunk it right in the bin. Honestly. You could have the whole process planned down to the minute, and still, something will go wrong. And that’s okay.

I used to be an extreme control freak that would immediately feel anxious when I didn’t know what was going to happen, and if things didn’t work out as I had envisioned it in my head I’d go into full meltdown mode. However, the more I make these major life changes, the more I understand that part of the beauty of it is letting things work out as they should, at the exact right time that they should.

Allowing things to fall into place naturally - as opposed to trying to force the result that you want - empowers you to get used to adapting to difficult situations that may arise. Learning to adapt is heavily built on accumulated experience over time from other difficult situations. Having this experience with a variety of differing predicaments allows you to be able to proceed with confidence that everything will turn out okay no matter what happens - and having the fact that everything will be fine in the back of your mind can give your anxiety and overthinking brain a well deserved break. Furthermore, allowing your brain to have this chance to relax gives you even more confidence.

You see how all factors come full circle? This is because we are not meant to try to manipulate the process. Attempting to control an unpredictable situation is what leads to stress and anxiety in the first place, and - at least in my case - when efforts to force a certain result end up failing, it takes even more of a toll on your confidence levels. I start obsessing over the how/why/where/when I went wrong, just bringing negative energy into my own life for no reason - trying to justify it by telling myself that I’m trying to LeArN fOr NeXt TiMe. There is a huge difference between analysing a mistake and criticising yourself with hurtful and negative thoughts - the latter being a massive killer of confidence.

Instead, allowing things to flow naturally and observing pain points during the process while keeping a calm and collected mind makes you more resilient to recurring problems - which in turn gives you confidence to take a leap of faith when needed.

With these three points in mind, along with a genuine drive to succeed, I can guarantee that pushing yourself to start over won’t feel as terrifying and daunting. Once you’ve established why you need to make a major change in your life, what needs to be done to achieve it and have a clear vision of how this project is going to benefit your mental health (or whatever aspect of your life that you want to make a change for), pushing through the hard times of starting on a completely clean slate will be infinitely easier.

That’s right - it is going to be maddeningly hard at times. There will be times where you will want to give up, and try to convince yourself that your current situation isn’t so bad, after all - because let’s face it, these kinds of changes are hard work. However, as the cliché goes - nothing worth having comes easy, and that also applies to your peace of mind and happiness. I genuinely hope that anyone reading this that is considering starting over completely - whether that entails moving jobs, cities, or even countries - can use this post as a reference point, and as a reminder that everything will turn out just fine.

Put it this way - if I can navigate two major moves and two major career changes while trying to pattern my then near crippling anxiety, then I have no doubts whatsoever that you can find the confidence and resilience to make whatever changes you need to make to improve your mental health.

Love,

Liv

#selfhelp #Empowerment #confidence

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andsoshespins · 7 years

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Moving On, Up, and Out

I have been veritably stuck in the last few months in many areas of my life. The one particular area of growing concern is my search for a home. And for a number of months, I have been wreaking havoc on my brain and soul for seemingly invalid reasons reasons I have refused to accept, analyze, and work to understand.

I have also been extraordinarily hesitant to write or speak about my issues. This avoidance has crippled my ability to sift and sort through whatever hindrances are currently rooting me to the spot, physically and figuratively. My hesitance to even discuss, in any form, my personal troubles has debilitated me most. For a long while, I thought that discussing it with friends would be futile as they would not understand the personal, internal challenges I am experiencing (which is not totally off-base because a few trusted souls to whom I have tried to open up have expressed that my rationale is irrational or that they are missing something). To be fair, I may not have fully opened up to them, so I do not think they were able to see the big picture; but for whatever reason, I did not want to either. And forget about talking to anyone in my family about mental and emotional concerns. They have never believed that those are real issues.

Similarly, I thought that by discussing it here in these digital pages would disconnect me in some way to the people I have grown to appreciate in this Tumblrverse, especially since I feel like I have made some more connections in recent months. I was afraid that I would be just another person whining about first-world problems within a sheltered life. Which, to some degree, will be accurate. However, I need to figure out the internal cause of the whining and the domino effects effected. Because I am so much better than the internal spiraling to no end.

This space is mine. And I am going to use it to manage myself. That was the reason I started this blog in the first place: It was never for anyone else but me. Recently I had abandoned that and become wrapped up in some ill-fated sense of “image.” Today I decided to hell with all of that because I do enough image-keeping in my daily life. My self-censorship on this platform is incredibly unhealthy as it is my freest form of expression.

Here’s to expelling months of crippling anxiety to finally be able to understand what I must do to take the next step up to a new floor.

Irrational Resentment

For the last few weeks, in discussing mortgages and loans with my parents, I realized I was harboring some irrational resentment towards them for taking on a financial burden as great as the one for our beautiful colonial house that has always been more than a home. Once in a while my brother and I participate in the conversations about what to do with the house in a few years, how to handle the mortgage in case of a death, whether my brother and I will take on the payments to keep the house or make a decision to sell or rent it, etc. For a few weeks, I was feeling so angry, thinking that my parents were somehow irresponsible for being under this mortgage rock, for not having a lot saved for their retirement, for not having a fleshed-out plan for their elderly future in a few years. For a few weeks, I was quietly vowing to never be like them, to make sure that I do not live outside my means, to make sure that I do not need to take out a second mortgage, to make sure that I add more money to my principle whenever I can, etc., etc.

And then I got the wind knocked out of me one day looking at an old photo from a family vacation. Because any of this mild strain they are facing is because they worked themselves to the ground ensuring that my brother and I lived a comfortable life filled with healthy experiences. We took at least one family vacation every year, whether it was two days by the lake or a week across the country to visit family or friends. I have incredible memories and have seen so much because of them.

I also think about the comfortable lifestyles to which we have grown accustomed. No one ever says no to enjoying a nice dinner out at a restaurant or squabbles over a few extra drinks ordered at the other end of the table. My parents have made home renovations and bought new appliances and tools in the last few years. This is such a privileged way to live, and I have been so short-sighted and egocentric to recognize and appreciate that explicitly. This is not super typical of me, and I must be cognizant of how special and important these choices are--the fact that we are even afforded such choices.

One of the biggest debts of gratitude I owe them is my college education. Whatever tuition payments due not covered by the scholarships we earned were taken care of by my parents, for three tuitions (mine, my brother’s, and mother’s when she returned to get a Master’s degree as a 40-year-old). I only purchased books and repaid a small fraction of loans when I graduated and was working as a substitute teacher that first year. This allowed me to save up and pay for my Master’s courses without loans, and has placed me in a stable financial situation overall. This is such a serious challenge for so many people; and, while I do not usually take things for granted, sometimes I admit to overlooking this enormous gift I was given.

Obviously, when I realized how irrational and unfair I had been to even feel any hint of that resentment in the first place, I was sick with guilt. I have felt terrible for a number of days, and still do in some ways because of these personal failures to recognize and be actively grateful for what I have been given. What gall do I have to be at all resentful of those who have provided for me my whole life, financially, emotionally, and physically? I am still working through this guilt of under-appreciated fortune. It hurts to think that I was feeling anything but grateful towards my loved ones. The resentment might otherwise be due to the fact that I am just in need of my own space, but that does not give me any right to overlook the ways in which I felt. I am incredibly grateful, and it is from this appreciative stand from where I must move forward. It does not due to dwell on the ill feelings, and guilt is unproductive. I must use these privileges for good.

Grieving the Loss of Childhood

This last week, with some time to ponder in silence the reasons for my molasses-like pace approaching this new step of moving out in my life, I think I realized that I am actively mourning the loss of my childhood. I have sat crying, thinking about how fortunate I have been in my life to have had such loving parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, etc. I have had moments of intense nostalgia thinking about playing games at my grandma’s house, drinking Pepsi in coffee mugs to pretend we were adults in the working world needing our caffeine fix to solve the problems of society with my brother.

I am so grateful for having been able to build such strong relationships with my grandparents, whose stories I can retell, working the fabric of our history into a tapestry of brilliance, courage, struggle, and love. I appreciate so much that I was able to spend so much of my childhood eating my nonna’s pasta, sitting under my nonno’s pergola, learning to sweep my grandma’s kitchen after she would toast us bagels on a Saturday morning.

I have breathed slowly, trying to erase any disappointment I have felt in recognizing the humanity of my parents and other adult figures in my life. I have written about this before, but it is still a little jarring to grow up and realize the flaws that comprise part of their personalities. I know that I am probably behind the bell curve on these realizations, as I am on the general continuum of growing up and life experiences. But, in the current moment, I am reconciling those revelations and trying to make them part of the act of humanizing rather than judging these loved ones. It pains me to even admit that my instinctual reaction is to judge and vow, “I will be better than that,” instead of accepting the whole person. I feel like I have been so hypocritical in this process, always preaching to friends and companions about how important the recognition of humanity is to our society, and yet, I have not been practicing with my own family members. And this has grated on me during this recent reflection.

I think that in this “grieving” I have realized my own shortcomings and flaws, such as my quickness to judge rather than accept. This particularly has been emotionally difficult for me, another motion in the direction of self-improvement, but a hard pill to swallow.

I do not know if other people feel these things so acutely or at this same time (I do not think it necessarily matters because deep down I know everyone is different and experiences life in such varied ways; but sometimes I feel like I need a barometer of sorts.). I often wonder if this mourning comes as a result of “being in the real world” for others, while for me I am just anticipating it (as everything, inducing more than the healthy dose of anxiety) and jumping ahead too quickly in some way. Or perhaps because I am so late to the game of living independently by typical standards, I feel like this mourning has come upon me due to my age and the world of my peers around me, regardless of personal life position.

In any case, I am not sure how much of this is healthy. I know that I have lived a blessed childhood and adolescence surrounded by love. And while it, of course, is easy to fall into a trap set by nostalgia in order to avoid responsibilities for a bit, in this case that would be stagnating. Sure, I can reminisce about the ease of having decisions made for me, of my parents deciding what neighborhood would be the best one in which to live, of my family making plans for experiences. But that time is now past, and I would be doing myself an enormous disservice to play an inactive role in my own life.

It is starting to feel like such a painful pull away from childhood. I almost wished it had been wrenched too quickly away for me to lament so long. But, at least, I now know how to validate this previously un-worded heap of imbalanced emotions.

Malevolent Myopia

My father has always instilled in us the idea that life should be enjoyed now because you never know what will happen or how much life is left to be lived (albeit a bit morbid of an outlook in some sense). It cripples me to think how myopic I am in planning for my future, stressing only about how much my lifestyle will change for the negative rather than focusing on the positive. Actually, now that I think about it, it is probably the change in and of itself causing me the most strife. But anyway...

In the last week I was wracked with guilt for having such tunnel-vision about the next stage of my life when my parents, with way more responsibilities and burdens, never expressed that kind of myopia as far as I can recall in childhood, adolescence, and even now. Sure, they struggled as a young couple and young parents, as pizzeria-owners and multiple-part-time job workers. But they had such incredible foresight about life and living, I am ashamed to admit that I have been ignoring that recently.

In working up things in my brain so much, too much, all I see is the darkness and the struggle and the overwhelming feelings. I am ignoring the strength the struggle will breed, the lessons the darkness will reveal, and the fact that “overwhelmed” is just a passing emotion, as is any and every other feeling in the whole wide world.

But, look, even there I focused on the good coming of the bad, and not on the good that will come alone, in and of itself. I am forever a work in progress, constantly trying to recognize these harmful patterns and putting forth a lot of effort to rewire the patterns and create new pathways.

An Expert in Perfectionism

As always, perfectionism creeps in to every decision, large or small, I make. It judges me from behind some (imaginary) impeccably clean glass window, peering at my choices, clucking in disapproval or nodding in acceptance.

I am so afraid to make the wrong decision. I have always been that way, in school, at home, and in life. Almost a year ago last summer, a friend sat with me and pointedly remarked that I needed to become an expert in everything. It was not until she said that that I realized how right she was. I dive into everything until I am elbow-deep in information about it, trying to wade through fact and fiction and make the best, well-educated choice. Which, is not necessarily a bad thing. But, of course, as I tend toward the extremes, sometimes this practice becomes a hindrance as I will exhaust my choices with research and never quite move forward because all the information freezes me and does not lead me in a clear direction. I think that I need to start actively realizing that just acquiring information will not make a decision, that not every pro and con list will have a definite winner in quality or quantity.

Lately I have been fearful that all of this mental strain through which I am putting my brain is going to lead me to one day soon just snap and make a rash decision. I do not know how to curb this thinking and overthinking and feel like I need to restrain myself in some way. Because who worries they will make a rash decision? That’s probably not something people actively fret...? But maybe this is my brain spinning out of control unto its own self. And related to the next section...

Precedence

I have previously written about this particular feature of my current/future living situation, but I have uncovered a few more ideas in the last week. Or, more accurately, I have had the courage to face the ugly, underlying reasons related to my delayed moving on and out.

I have not intimately known anyone in my specific situation, and my experience with variety is limited. All of my family members and the few friends with whom I am comfortable speaking have gone straight from living at home with parents to buying a house as related to a marriage. This is where my tunnel vision starts to kick in again because for some godforsaken reason, I cannot even imagine setting a path that has not yet been worn by others. Which is so contrary to my personal mantras and, like, everything I stand for.

As a fairly literary-minded person who truly enjoys challenging the mind and inspiring creativity, I am really letting myself down here. Why is it that I cannot apply my same desire for “breaking the mold” in real life situations where it is super important for me to think

Now, I’m not saying buying a co-op is earth-shattering and thinking outside the box by any means. Please. But it is something new and different from my experience and those around me, and if I can apply even the least bit of courage I apply to stringing words together in new rhythms and sequences, I would probably be a bit more stable in this process.

Future Fretting

This will be a short section as I have been so wrapped up in focusing on the struggles of the here-and-now. Of course I am fretting about the future, which is evident from, uhm, this entire post. But I am so concerned about making a good decision for the long-term future. I think the battle in which I am currently engaged is “What will be good in the long long run?” or “What will be good in the short long run?” And I honestly do not feel qualified to make a decision for the long long run at this precipice of my life. I am comfortable with the foreseeable future marker of time. Then I can make a decision of what I would want closer to forever...

Sigh.

Even at the end of all this expelled expression meant to be cathartic, I cannot help but to still feel like most of what I have written is immature, irrational, and irresponsible in some way. To me, it seems so impossible that anyone else thinks this much and in these ways about life events To me it just seems so unhealthy; it cannot be the norm. Maybe I don’t want it to be the norm; maybe I just want some shred of empathy to help me feel less alone. Regardless, whether someone else connects to me or not, the fact remains that this is how I ultimately feel. And whether it is beautiful, ugly, or somewhere in between and both together because life is never black and white, I need to handle it in a healthy way. So here’s to chunking up my mental deliberations in hopes that smaller pieces are safer and smarter to chew and more digestible. One bite at a time.

#personal #moving on #moving out #moving up

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expertease2-blog · 7 years

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The End of Overwhelm

How To Stop Feeling Overwhelmed So You Can Finally Make Progress Towards Your Goals

Today is the first Monday of Q2. Can you believe how quickly the first three months of the year have flown by?

I feel like I've accomplished so much in such a short amount of time -- so far I've made two trips to North Carolina, two trips to Athens, I had an unexpected family trip to Oklahoma where I was born, and of course, spent a lovely weekend in San Diego with my marketing coach, Frank Kern, and company. Yet with all this travel and an ever growing list of goals and projects, at times it's felt as if my head would explode from information overload.

Thankfully it hasn't yet which means I still have time to get it all done. I can still implement the follow-up and productivity strategies I learned from Frank and Dean Graziosi. I can still write all the blogs and promotions on my marketing calendar. I can still secure more partnership funds for the company I work for. I can still have an active social life. And I can still be fully present for my friends and family. Wow! Writing this paragraph makes me realize just how much I'm trying to cram into each day.

Oh, shoot! That reminds me, I haven't set Q2 goals yet! And what about the ones from Q1 that I'm still working on but haven't quite finished yet? Is it just me, or does it seem as if there's never enough time to get it all done?

I know this feeling all too well, unfortunately. It's called overwhelm and it's crippling. It causes you to hesitate when you should be taking action. It casts doubt and uncertainty over areas where the course of action should be crystal clear. Worst of all, it enables the most wicked excuse in the book: the need to "figure it out" which is really code for "I'm overwhelmed and don't know what to do so instead I'll just do nothing and wait."

Sound familiar? Or is it just me?

(Quick Side Bar: I want to give special thanks to Bawo aka Onassis from UrVision Entertainment for helping me with this photo shoot. It was a journey getting to the location, but the pictures came out amazing! This was the definition of a #SquadGoal, and if you like the shirt they are available for sale in the LxVE Shop.)

>>> click here to order yours now <<<

OK.... back to the regularly scheduled program.

The End of overwhelm

I know that things can get a bit overwhelming sometimes.

It's not easy getting all the stuff swirling around in your head to settle down long enough for you process it clearly and take action.

It's not easy to put yourself out there.

Not to mention, there are lots of added stresses from things like work deadlines, to your personal relationships, or financial strains to name a few, that can make you feel even more bogged down.

It can be frustrating. REALLY frustrating. And The worst part about it is the fact you KNOW that you are capable of doing it all and more.

You know how I know? Because I've been there.

I'm still there... Battling the same battle. Every. Single. Day. It's an ongoing battle.

But I've got good news...

Based on the time I spent with my coach and internet marketing legend, Frank Kern, and a mix of conversations I've had with business owners, music artists, and other creative individuals, as well as my own personal experiences, I've decide to create an e-Course that will not only help you get past the debilitating effects of overwhelm, but will also give you the tools you need to jump start any project or business endeavor on social media over the next 90 days.

If fact, by the time you get to the bottom of this article alone, you will have everything you need to take that burning frustration you feel and transform it into a blissful feeling of satisfaction from a job well done.

However, in order to make the most of this course, we need to get clear on a few things.

Here's the deal...

If we take the same energy we use to focus on the fact that we are overwhelmed and frustrated and instead place it on the causes of the overwhelm itself, it can make a huge difference in the results we get.

So what are the causes of overwhelm you might ask?

According to Frank, these are the culprits:

lack of clear-cut objectives

lack of clearly defined time targets

lack of planning

lack of focus

lack of a system for productivity

distractions

I agree with the list completely. And after having it laid out so clearly, it is easy to see what areas of our lives must improve in order to decrease the amount of negative emotion we feel from being overwhelmed.

We're going to cover each of these during this course, but...

Of all the factors that contribute to being overwhelmed, in my opinion, improved planning is where you will get the most leverage.

Simple things from planning when you'll block time to work on your goals, to more long-term planning for savings and big ticket purchases and committing to the plan is an excellent way to add the structure needed to sustain focus over time.

We'll come back to planning in a moment. =)

For now, let's take an objective look at where we are currently so we can make a plan for positive change.

Fortunately, everything you need to start making those changes is already inside you...

You already have some goals you want to accomplish. Since you are reading this it is safe to assume that you have the desire to make positive changes to your situation. And you know that you need help getting it done...

So it makes sense to implement the most effective method I've found for attaining results affectionately called... a "check-in."

Now I know what you make be thinking... A check-in couldn't possibly be the solution I'm recommending, but stay with me. This is unlike most check-ins you've ever done in two ways:

First, the objective of this kind of check-in is not to be judgmental or beat yourself up about what is not getting accomplished. Instead, the idea is to take an objective look at your results and identify areas to focus on.

(see note above about lack of focus... It causes overwhelm.)

Secondly, when applied consistently, a daily, weekly, or monthly check in like the one outlined later in this article is the best method of accountability I've ever found because it combines two important success principles:

what gets measured gets improved.

what you focus on expands.

The question you may be asking yourself is what should I be measuring and focusing on? And if so, then you are smart.

Here's my answer: Focus on crafting the best plan possible and measure your ability to accomplish the steps of the plan.

A plan, by definition, is the outline of the steps one intends to take in order to reach their desired outcome. So logically, it makes sense to dedicate the time to ensure your plan is solid and gets executed effectively.

Here's how to do it:

First, think about the list of goals that I mentioned earlier...If you are like me and have a lot of them, choose the top 3-4 that would make the biggest difference in your life over the next 90 days and focus on these first.

Take a moment to reflect on the time you spent working in these areas.

Were you able to make any progress towards accomplishing any of them?

If so, how did you do?

How much time did you dedicate to each goal on your list this week?

Is there anything that prohibited you from getting started or continuing to take action?

What's one thing you can celebrate about what you've accomplished already?

Where can you stand to improve?

What are the first steps you can take immediately to start getting better results?

Take an objective look at each of your goals as you run them through this filter and write down your responses. You are going to need this list as we move forward in the next step to create the plan to get you where you need to be.

Here's where many people go wrong...

It's easy to look at your list and begin to feel bad about what appears to be a lack of results. But as I mentioned earlier, that's an excellent example of putting your focus on your frustration and what's not working.

Instead, we should do our best to separate our emotions from our decision-making process so we can look at our productivity with a clear perspective.

Remember, the goal isn't to judge how well we've done; it's to identify what we have done so we can create a plan to do it better and more effectively in the future.

This one little mindset shift is what allows us to move past the frustrations we feel when things aren't going the way we'd like and identify what we should focus on to fix the source of the problem.

The beauty of this process is that once you have learned how to control your focus and how to place it on the things that really matter, you are able to apply it to any area of your life... Business, relationships, finances, you name it!

ACTION STEPS

So, with that being said.... I encourage you to find a moment where you can quietly reflect on the week that just passed and write down the responses to the questions I listed above. In the next session, we will use your notes to create an action plan that will make it easy for you to start seeing improvements in your results really quickly.

Lastly, if you are in need of some assistance or would like to chat with me about the results you're getting, I've opened up my calendar to help as many music artists as I can create their own success strategy.

>>> click here <<< to book a call.

#Expertease #How to #productivity #Music #business #overwhelmed #focus #san diago #Mission Beach #MIssion Bay #Onassis #UrVision Entertainment #article

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terrysacia-blog-blog · 4 years

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Separation And Divorce Recovery Counseling: What Can I Expect And Will It Benefit Me?

Not all marriages succeed. Even in hopeful situations, the union might ultimately break. And while divorce or separation might seem like a relief to some people, it can be an extremely stressful experience for others.

Separation or divorce is not always an easy decision to make. Often, there are entrenched emotions involved and several things to consider that will impact your life moving forward. That’s why you may need to seek some divorce recovery counseling to help you work through your feelings.

Some people only think about couples counseling or marriage counseling when they are trying to save a marriage. However, you also need to think about divorce counseling if you have decided to divorce or separate. You may be hearing about “divorce counseling” right now, but it’s a great tool people use to deal with the stressful life-changing events of divorce. It’s also used by recently divorced parents who are trying to co-parent effectively.

Factors That Often Lead to Divorce

Issues with communication or constant arguments

If there’s abuse in the marriage; physical or emotional, including abuse of drugs or alcohol

Infidelity, which is a top reason for divorce

Unrealistic expectations in the marriage union

Money problems and financial disagreements

A lack of commitment, especially if the couple married while young or getting the “wrong partner.”

Feeling of inequality especially in regards to raising the children or house chores

What Is Separation Or Divorce Counseling?

A study by The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) asserts that one-third of all marriage break ups happen within the first five years, and about 50% of marriages end up in divorce. Divorce counseling can make sense of what looks like a catastrophe. Even in an amicable separation or divorce, the emotional, legal, and logistical issues can overwhelm any person.

Divorce recovery counseling also helps couples gain closure together. Whenever there are arguments, affairs and betrayals, they often signify deep-rooted problems, and counseling can help both of you explore them and allow a less hostile future once you split.

Divorce Counseling Can Help:

Offer closure and perspective

Help a couple make sense of what just happened

Minimize the impact of the divorce on children, friends, and other family members

Allow for change and progression to take effect

Often, divorce counseling is based upon the foundation that the marriage is at a stage where it cannot be repaired. Therefore, it allows couples to look at their relationship without the pressure of trying to fix it. It’s easier for honesty and openness to thrive in such an environment, thus eliminating any anger or blame.

Coping With Divorce and Separation

Allow Yourself Some Time Off

Give yourself some time off by working and feeling at a less than optimal level for a while. During this period, you may not be as productive in your work duties or even in caring for your loved ones. This is the time to give yourself a break to heal and re-energize.

You May Have a Mixture of Feelings

It’s normal to feel frustrated, angry, sad, ashamed, frustrated, and even tired at the same time. And most often, these feelings are intense. However, these feelings reduce over time.

Work With Someone

Do not allow yourself to deal with this situation alone. Sharing what you feel with your friends and family can help you during this difficult period. Isolation is never a proper remedy as it increases your stress levels, affecting your performance in school, work, etc. You can also find support groups with people in a similar situation where you can share your feelings.

Divorce Counseling Vs. Marriage Counseling

Unlike divorce counseling, the goal of marriage counseling or couples counseling is to address marriage problems to improve the relationship. In a marriage counseling setting, family therapists and relationship experts teach couples how to communicate effectively and empower their conflict resolution skills so that small disagreements don’t become catastrophic.

In divorce counseling, partners are only seeking a way to improve their relationship even as they try and find a way towards a fulfilling post-divorce life. A divorce counselor’s job is to make you understand why your relationship failed and guide you so that these mistakes don’t recur in your future relationships.

Pre Divorce Counseling

Divorce counseling can sometimes occur in two phases, i.e., pre-divorce and post-divorce counseling. A pre-divorce counselor can help you civilly behave and understand the financial, physical, emotional, and legalities involved in a divorce. Other than this, this counselor can help you decide if you really want a divorce or your marriage can actually be salvaged.

Pre divorce is beneficial for couples with children. With kids involved, it’s crucial to maintain a healthy divorce. Your pre-divorce counselor will help you decide how and when to tell your kids about the divorce in ways that will reduce any potential traumatic effects.

In a pre-divorce counseling session, you will also work out any conflicting or confusing emotions related to divorce. You will also learn about different coping mechanisms to implement in stressful events.

Post Divorce Counseling

Post-divorce recovery counseling can also be used in addition to pre-divorce counseling. This type of divorce counseling often deals with the aftermath of a divorce. A post-divorce counselor will use different techniques to boost your self-esteem and accept what just happened so that you can go on with your life.

If ex-spouses have been struggling to communicate, and perhaps this has impacted how they co-parent, they can find a safe space in the presence of a counselor where they can talk and discuss. Such a process improves communication between ex-spouses, make them interact more civilly, and be better co-parents.

For people who have been married for a long time, it can be challenging for them to discover who they are outside the marriage. And this is the work of a divorce counselor – to help you figure out your identity after the divorce is finalized.

Do I Need Divorce Counseling?

Most people get through their divorce without any help, even with the pain and uncertainty that characterizes it. However, some people are overcome by emotion and this event cripples them. For the sake of your own self-care, divorce recovery counseling becomes helpful. Another sign you might need divorce counseling is when you have challenges with co-parenting.

If you are going through a divorce and sadness is overwhelming, you might need to find a divorce counselor. More specifically, there are signs you might need professional help. These symptoms may range from mild to severe, even though everybody is unique. Signs you may need a divorce counselor include:

An uncontrollable anger

Feelings of unworthiness

Sudden weight loss or weight gain

Anxiety or excessive worry

Sleeping problems

Strong or limited emotions

Isolation and social withdrawal

Depression

Suicidal thoughts

A sense of self-loathing

Loss of appetite

Loss of interest in activities you liked

When to Seek a Divorce Counselor?

There’s no right or wrong time to seek divorce counseling. Discussing your feelings and what just happened will only benefit your well being. Most couples will seek professional divorce counseling when:

Communication has totally broken down

An affair has occurred

Life has changed leaving one spouse feeling excluded

The two of you feel you cannot continue leaving together

Bitterness and despair have increased

What Are The Benefits of Divorce Counseling?

Divorce counseling has several benefits. Nonetheless, the first step is to give yourself time to grieve your loss of companionship, support, and a future in the marriage. When used alongside support groups, friends, and family, divorce counseling can be extremely beneficial.

A divorce counselor can:

Help you understand why your relationship ended and how you can prevent such a situation from repeating itself in future

Help you through the various emotional stages of divorce

Provides an avenue for the family to get counseling and support

Teach you divorce coping strategies

If you need divorce recovery counseling, find a divorce counselor who can support you and who’s best for kids too. One way to find a qualified divorce counselor is to find one who has undergone specialist training and belongs to a relevant professional body. Most traditional couples’ counselors operate under religious frameworks, so you need to find one who fits your own beliefs and what you need.

#Divorce Counseling

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j0shripley · 4 years

Text

Opinion Series

Josh Ripley

Fish Burton

ENGL 2010

April 12, 2020

Opinion Series

For my Opinion Series paper, I decided to write off some of the articles I have already read. The first perspective I choose to write from is the point of view of a transgender individual, the next one is written from the perspective of a middle class family found in Utah, while the final one is written from the perspective of a homeless man addicted opiates.

The first perspective I am writing on with the transgender individual is based off of a study that was conducted in Minnesota back in 2016. The article talked about how transgender youth have a 10% higher chance than their peers to have experienced some homelessness before 11th grade. From the perspective of Transgender youth, one of two things can run through your mind. One side, depending on your support system, you could see running away and becoming homeless as a viable option. If you don’t feel love at home then why stay there? On the other hand, the other emotion they could experience is fear, fear that their choice is going to get them kicked out or become socially excluded. This fear could drive you to run from any potential danger or ill feelings that could come as a result of people's response to your personal decision. At first you might think, what’s the big deal? 10% isn’t that much, but when you start putting names to the faces you realize that for a group of people to have a higher chance of being on the streets because of their gender preference doesn’t seem right. For them, a scary part of being homeless is the illness that can follow, especially common in adolescence. “Homelessness is associated with adverse outcomes in youth, including poor mental and physical health, high risk health behaviors, poor cognitive and academic functioning, and emergency room visits and hospitalizations” (Eisenberg 1) This is found in the article I mentioned at the beginning titled “Homelessness experiences and gender identity in a population-based sample of adolescents.” When children leave home the last thing they are thinking about is the potential health risks that come with being out all the time. As I said before I believe there are 2 paths when it comes to a transgender individual thinking about homelessness, it is either an option for escape, or they are filled with the fear of being kicked out and being forced to live on their own in order to survive emotionally, while in fact, causing more harm to themselves then good.

The next perspective I am writing on is the middle class family in Utah looking at homelessness. You see it as something that could never really happen to you, you make enough money, have a strong enough family, and friends in the community to help when you need it. But of course there are many stories of people being struck with some random event that crippled them out of nowhere. It’s an issue that doesn’t seem possible, and at the same time, there’s a fair amount of people that think they did it to themselves. It’s easy to look from the outside in, being raised in a family that has never struggled too much financially with no serious health concerns and be like, “why don’t they just get a job?,”or “ They have to be addicted to drugs.” or “How does anybody get to that point? Just budget.” When the reality of the situation is that it isn’t always that easy. There are a lot of different things that can happen in order to end up on the streets. Utah’s homeless numbers aren’t too high or alarming and for the amount of judgmental people there are, there are also people wanting to help. It is not uncommon to run into people that care enough to either give food, money, or clothing to help those in need. Instinctively, most of us are filled with compassion when we see people in need. This was the cause of the original plan set forth in Utah that minimalized homelessness by 90%. “Utah and other states are discovering that by investing in people’s most basic needs, they are better able to address the other factors that lead to homelessness. And they are doing so with less money. Lloyd Pendleton, the director of Utah’s Homeless Task Force, was not always a believer in the state’s current method of addressing homelessness, initially saying the idea was “totally unrealistic.” But now he says that prioritizing a home for those without has drastically changed the way the state can deal with other factors, including unemployment.” This is from an article written about how Utah has successfully dropped their chronic homeless rate so drastically. When I asked my father about his views on homeless individuals he said, “You know, just the other week I saw a mother and son out in front of Walmart holding their cardboard sign. It was hard for me, as a father, to sit there and not picture your sister and her 1 year old. So i went inside and bought them food, diapers, and clothing.” To me this is proof of what most respectful citizens think of when they see a family struggling, despite what happens to get people to the point of being homeless, you instantly feel some sort of remorse and a desire to help.

The last point of view I am writing from is that of a homeless man addicted to opiates. Looking from the outside in, it is easy to judge someone from the place they are at currently. It is easy to look at a mangled man on the road with a cardboard sign, long white hair, and gross teeth, and say “I’m helping him by not giving him money because he will only spend it on drugs.” When in reality we don’t know what they have been through in their lives, we don’t know how they were raised or what health issues they have faced, or the state of their mental health. You can’t look at someone and instantly know their life story. As I sat thinking about it, there were many things I didn’t initially consider when it came to being homeless. For instance, how are you going to find clean water or afford to keep looking clean if you don’t have toiletries? While trying to put myself in one of their shoes, I thought about how tough it would be to sit there and beg for help while people walked by and you know exactly what some people are thinking. You know some people will look at you and tell their kids “stay away from him.” or use you as an example of why they should stay in school. I wonder where your family would be at that point, how many bridges must’ve been affected by your use to ultimately not have anyone to turn to. Or maybe they are there for you but the amount of shame and disgust you feel in yourself keeps you from reaching out, not wanting someone to worry about you. I can’t imagine being in a situation where people won’t even consider giving you cash because they don’t think you have the sense to buy the basic necessities, toothpaste, water, food, and soap. It would be tough to be such a slave to a drug that you can’t accurately discern what your immediate purchase would be. The aches and craving you would feel would seem insurmountable. But you are addicted to the point where you think you could quit if you wanted to, or that quitting is impossible because when you hit your withdrawals you feel as if you will explode from the pressure in your body. I’d be wishing for any aid possible, but would feel hopeless that anyone would care enough to help me. Everyone has their own issues. In response to the rising opioid use in Boston, an article was written about some recent technology to help that says, “BHCHP delivers a full spectrum of primary care, mental health and addiction services. It recognizes that behavioral healthcare is an essential element of quality integrated care. The care model at BHCHP united behavioral health clinicians, case managers, physicians, nurse practitioners and nurses in close collaboration. They provide low-threshold engagement and constant care to individuals in a variety of settings, including on the streets, in shelter-based clinics, hospitals or supportive housing.” This would be the hope I was longing for and would finally give me a push to get my life on track and that the road back was possible.

Works Cited

Eisenberg, Marla E., et al. “Homelessness Experiences and Gender Identity in a Population-Based Sample of Adolescents.” Preventive Medicine Reports, vol. 16, Dec. 2019. EBSCOhost, doi:10.1016/j.pmedr.2019.100986.

Laine, Samantha. “How Utah Reduced Homelessness by More than 90 Percent.” The Christian Science Monitor, 2015. EBSCOhost, search.ebscohost.com/login.aspx?direct=true&db=edsbro&AN=edsbro.A412252911&site=eds-live.

Netsmart. “Boston Health Care for the Homeless Program Partners with Netsmart to Address the Opioid Crisis.” Business Wire (English), 2019 May 11AD. EBSCOhost, search.ebscohost.com/login.aspx?direct=true&db=bwh&AN=bizwire.bw092956424&site=eds-live.

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theconservativebrief · 6 years

Link

Brett Kavanaugh hasn’t even had a confirmation hearing yet — but the calls for the Supreme Court nominee to recuse himself from possible future cases involving President Donald Trump are already intensifying.

They began soon after Kavanaugh’s nomination was announced, motivated by the nominee’s 2009 Minnesota Law Review article that asserted presidents shouldn’t be “burdened” by criminal investigations or civil lawsuits. The cries grew louder last week, when an old clip of Kavanaugh surfaced in which he suggested he was itching to overturn a decision upholding the constitutionality of appointing an independent counsel to investigate government wrongdoing.

Then came more fuel: buried in pages and pages of documents released by the Senate Judiciary Committee was an interview in which Kavanaugh suggested that United States v. Nixon — the case that forced Nixon to hand over the Watergates tapes — might have been wrongly decided.

Those demanding Kavanaugh recuse himself from cases involving special counsel Mueller’s investigation are arguing that Kavanaugh’s deference toward executive power — and skepticism about investigations into the president — may have factored heavily into Trump’s decision to nominate him to the Court.

Democrats are rallying around other flashpoints in Kavanaugh’s record, from abortion to health care. But the focus on his views on executive power and presidential investigations underscores the strange scenario the country faces: a president under investigation selecting a judge who could decide his fate.

Recusal is unlikely — past Supreme Court nominees have decided on pivotal cases for the presidents that nominated them. But as the investigation from special counsel Robert Mueller intensifies, the greater the chance that something ends up before the Supreme Court — whether it’s on the question of subpoenas, presidential pardons, or even a challenge to Mueller’s appointment.

The president and his associates are deeply enmeshed in an unfinished criminal investigation. Senators will want to know about conversations Kavanaugh had during his White House vetting process, what he might have been asked by Trump’s team, or if any of his writings or opinions appeared to prejudice him against the special counsel investigation.

A few items from Kavanaugh’s record seem likely to play a big role in this discussion. In the 1990s, Kavanaugh worked for the independent counsel Ken Starr, who led the investigation into President Bill Clinton. He then went on to serve in President George W. Bush’s White House, where he claims to have had a change of heart about presidential investigations, seeing them as something that can “cripple the federal government.”

“Like many Americans at that time, I believed that the President should be required to shoulder the same obligations that we all carry,” Kavanaugh wrote in his 2009 Minnesota Law Review article. “But in retrospect, that seems a mistake.”

Another piece of evidence comes from a March 2016 event at the American Enterprise Institute. A clip, first reported by CNN, shows Kavanaugh being asked if there are Supreme Court decisions he would overturn. He answers a decisive “yes.” The interviewer asks for an example; Kavanaugh is reluctant to give one, but finally volunteers Morrison v. Olson. “It’s been effectively overruled,” Kavanaugh said. “But I would put the final nail in.”

Morrison v. Olson was a case about the constitutionality of the 1978 Ethics in Government Act, which provided for the appointment of an independent counsel to investigate wrongdoing by government officials. (Congress let the statute expire in 1999.) The central question was whether the statute violated the Constitution’s provisions for the appointments clause and separation of powers.

The Court ruled 7-1 that it did not, with Chief Justice William Rehnquist writing the majority opinion. But Justice Antonin Scalia wrote a famous lone dissent that has a bit of a cult following among (mostly, but not exclusively) conservatives. Scalia objected to what he saw as a violation of separation of powers; the independent counsel, in his interpretation, was performing an executive function outside the scope of the executive branch.

The special counsel — the role Mueller holds — has a similar job to that that of an independent counsel, but it’s governed by a Justice Department regulation, meaning it’s within the executive branch. But Kavanaugh’s willingness to overturn Morrison still raises questions about his views on presidential investigations, and his deference toward precedent.

There’s more. The Senate Judiciary Committee released this weekend a bunch of documents relating to Kavanaugh, including a roundtable interview from a 1999 issue of Washington Lawyer magazine where Kavanaugh suggests the Court might have gotten wrong its unanimous ruling by forcing Nixon to hand over the Watergate tapes, a decision that led to the president’s resignation. Kavanaugh presents the idea that perhaps an inferior part of the executive branch was inappropriately elevated above the president:

But maybe Nixon was wrongly decided — heresy though it is to say so. Nixon took away the power of the president to control information in the executive branch by holding that the courts had power and jurisdiction to order the president to disclose information in response to a subpoena sought by a subordinate executive branch official. That was a huge step with implications to this day that most people do not appreciate sufficiently. … Maybe the tension of the time led to an erroneous decision.

This adds more ammunition to the argument that Kavanaugh doesn’t just look skeptically on presidential investigations — he’s openly questioning decades-old precedent. All of which might sound just fine to the current president.

Trump’s vetting team was aware of the Minnesota Law Review article that’s very anti-presidential investigation. If Trump picked Kavanaugh for those reasons — an insurance policy against future litigation — the recusal question is one that some legal experts think Kavanaugh needs to seriously address.

Democrats aren’t exactly trying to attack the merits of Kavanaugh’s arguments on executive power, but instead are attempting to make the case that this particular nominee, at this particular time, is problematic.

The suggestion is that Trump is potentially hand-picking the deciding vote if a question in the Mueller investigation, or other litigation Trump faces — from financial dealings to the Summer Zervos lawsuit — ends up before the Supreme Court.

On July 20, Sen. Cory Booker (D-NJ) sent a letter to Kavanaugh asking him to pledge to recuse himself from any cases related to special counsel Robert Mueller’s investigation and any others that “may immediately impact the President and his associates as it relates to the ongoing criminal investigation should you be confirmed.”

“The American public must have full confidence that the integrity of any decisions handed down by the Supreme Court on these matters will not be tainted by any impropriety or the appearance of impropriety from the President’s selection of you,” Booker continued. “Many of the questions that could reach the Court go to the core of our democratic system. No clouds should have over the Court’s decisions.”

Majority Leader Chuck Schumer (D-NY) and Sen. Richard Blumenthal (D-CT) have echoed those calls, suggesting that Kavanaugh should step away from any Mueller-related cases.

Some experts agree that Kavanaugh has a lot to answer for, and it should be something lawmakers address in his confirmation hearing.

“Judge Kavanaugh needs to address the issue of recusal in his testimony,” Bob Bauer, professor of law at NYU, wrote in an email, “and answer the question of why his highly developed views of this subject do not require recusal in the event that these issues involving Trump come before the court.”

Bauer, who’s written on the subject with NYU law professor Ryan Goodman, told Vox earlier this month that recusal is a “legitimate question to be raised.” It’s not that Supreme Court justices can’t make decisions about the presidents who appoint them — it’s that Kavanaugh has a very distinct perspective on presidential investigations at a time when a president is under an extremely sensitive inquiry.

Republicans, of course, are pushing back on that argument. Sen. John Cornyn (R-TX) called the early pushes for Kavanaugh’s recusal “ridiculous.”

The White House, in particular, pushed back on the fervor over the Morrison clip, noting that Democrats as well as Republicans have criticized the independent counsel statute. The White House also noted that Mueller, a special counsel, is appointed under a Department of Justice regulation — an entirely different situation from what was at issue in Morrison v. Olson.

The Dem attacks on Kavanaugh’s 2016 speech today are laughable, and show a total lack of understanding. There is a clear legal difference between the Independent Counsel statute and the Special Counsel regulation. Let’s not play fast and loose.

— Raj Shah (@RajShah45) July 18, 2018

And why Justice Kagan called Justice Scalia’s dissenting opinion in the Morrison case “one of the greatest dissents ever written and every year it gets better.” https://t.co/BVH51obfUg

— Raj Shah (@RajShah45) July 18, 2018

Other defenders of Kavanaugh pointed out that his opinion in the Nixon case might have evolved. He said in a 2016 Catholic University Law Review article that Nixon stands among other landmark decisions — such as Marbury v. Madison (which established the process of judicial review) and Brown v. Board of Education — as an example of when “judges stood up to the other branches, were not cowed, and enforced the law.”

But it’s unlikely Democrats will back down. As Schumer said Monday: “If Kavanaugh would have let Nixon off the hook, what is he willing to do for President Trump?”

The Supreme Court doesn’t really have set rules for recusal. There’s a code of conduct for federal judges, but the Supreme Court, as the highest court, gets a pass, although the justices tend to follow similar guidelines that revolve around conflicts of interest, or the appearance of a conflict of interest.

Supreme Court recusals are relatively rare, Jonathan Turley, a law professor at George Washington, told Vox. “The primary reason for recusal is a personal interest in the outcome in the case, or personal or pecuniary connection to one of the parties, that often deals with investments,” Turley said.

Justices will also recuse themselves if they had direct involvement in the case or role in the litigation. Elena Kagan, for example, recused herself from more than a dozen cases after she joined the Court because she had worked on many of them as President Barack Obama’s solicitor general.

But Kavanaugh doesn’t quite fit the standard reasons for recusal — at least based on what we know publicly, which is mostly his legal writings and opinions.

“This doesn’t fall into a recognized basis for recusal, nor should it,” Turley said. “Quite frankly,” he added, “there is no constitutional or historical basis to claim a need for recusal.”

Kavanaugh gave interviews and opined on issues relating to presidential investigations long before he became a nominee for the Supreme Court. And as Yale lecturer and former FBI agent senior Asha Rangappa points out, the idea that a judge appointed by a president can’t rule fairly on him “validates and provides fodder for the growing belief that public servants entrusted with upholding the rule of law are driven by politics, rather than facts, evidence and the law.” It may be how Trump thinks, but that doesn’t mean giving up on the idea of an independent judiciary.

Indeed, Justices Stephen Breyer and Ruth Bader Ginsburg, both Clinton appointees, didn’t recuse themselves from Clinton v. Jones, a unanimous decision stating that the president isn’t automatically due immunity in civil cases that arise outside his role as president. United States v. Nixon, which said there were limits on executive privilege, also had Nixon appointees join in the unanimous decision. (Rehnquist, a Nixon appointee, recused himself, though he had previously worked in the president’s Justice Department.)

But legal experts do agree that Kavanaugh’s writings, opinions, and blunt statements, as with the Morrison comments, mean he should be forced to answer questions that he’d normally try to get out of — forgoing the so-called “Ginsburg Rule” used to argue that justices shouldn’t broadcast how’d they’d rule on a particular case.

“On this occasion, you have a nominee who felt comfortable telling an entire room that he would like to drive the final nail into the coffin of Morrison,” Turley said. “I suspect it’s going to make it more difficult to decline to answer on his view of Morrison.”

Original Source -> The Supreme Court may decide on Mueller-related matters. Should Kavanaugh have to recuse himself?

via The Conservative Brief

#IFTTT #The Conservative Brief

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soundlessheartbeat · 7 years

Text

Dear self,

You’ve carried an immense weight on your shoulders, and your heart is heavy with burdens that you’ve been struggling to maintain upright.

You’ve made a decision recently to follow your heart by leaving your ex-fiance because he cheated on you throughout the years. You left him one week before the wedding. Your true best friends were okay with it. In fact, your best friends convinced you to leave him otherwise they would have objected at the alter. When I told them I wanted to leave you, that was the day of my final dress fitting. I looked at the mirror heart broken, knowing that in a dress that I finally felt beautiful in, that I finally felt comfortable in my own skin in, I couldn’t wear it and continue to feel that beauty. That dress was a symbolism of my breakthrough with self-love.

This was Labour day weekend and I said my final goodbye to you on Labour Day.

Your mother cried for a couple of days. You thought she was crying for you. She wasn’t. She was crying for your ex-fiance.

Before you broke up with your ex-fiance, you fell in love with your best friend. The best friend that you’ve always loved since the beginning of your friendship with him. The best friend that was also your ex-fiance’s best friend.

Weeks turned into months and the drama became worse.

Your health deteriorated mentally, physically, emotionally and psychologically. You gained weight and your eczema came back. You cried many nights, where your heart felt incredible pain as you wept into your pillows.

One of your best friends betrayed you. She picked his side and felt sorry for him and condoned his cheating. She never told you this but her actions from then till now became crystal clear and the realization that she wasn’t there for you kicked you even moe when you were down.

But you still had your other best friends. They were there for you fiercely. They picked you up when you couldn’t even hold steady on your own anymore. They spent so much time listening to you cry over the phone. They spent time with you in person as you pretended you were okay just to escape the pain you felt for a little while just to enjoy with them.

Your best friend decided to do it all with you but he got hurt so much over the years that his insecurities and personal issues caused a a few bumpy roads in your relationship.Your insecurities caused a few bumpy roads as well.

Your ex-fiance came back with a vengeance. He did everything he could to hurt you. He tried to turn all his friends against you, he tried to cripple you financially with the Jeep and he did everything he could to paint you out to be the worst person to ears who listened just for the gossip. He even stalked your house from 2-4AM to beat your best friend up who was sleeping over. He left a voicemail for proof that he was there.

Your mom started to hate you and spread gossip about you to her friends and family. She didn’t want you to be with your best friend. Eventually she told you that no friends were allowed, to pack your stuff from the room downstairs and put it in your room. You began to feel even more alienated.

Drama began stirring at work as these old ladies that were your co-workers kept throwing you under the bus.

You lost your monthly pass on the bus, the payments for the jeep accumulated and you had to involve the district minister of the church to fend off your ex-fiance. Not all necessarily in that order.

A few more bumpy roads with your best friend. The current one being that he caught you in a lie of giving your number to two of your friends. One that was hitting on you and one that was your ex-best friend. You just wanted to give it to them so you could ignore them forever, so they wouldn’t stalk when you were online or when you posted something and you hadn’t even read their messages. You had no ill intentions but who’s gonna believe you when you lied at a critical time. You were afraid he would leave you because at that time, every little thing triggered him enough to ghost you. Yeah, he ghosted you on your re-named bachelorette-to-a-girl’s-weekend at Niagara. He was flighty at the start and you didn’t know if he would leave you, so you were way to scared to tell him anything and didn’t want to be misunderstood. But you still lied, so you fucked up.

You stayed out the other day because you didn’t feel that home was a safe place to go to because you had a relapse, you let your anger get the best of you and you threw things, you kicked things, you punched the door hard enough for your hand to bruise when your best friend walked out the door without so much as a goodbye after a little misunderstanding that could have been solved through communicating. You broke a remote that was important to your father and he was pissed off with you, according to the text from your mom, that’s why you stayed out in the park for 2 and a half hours in the cold to make sure you can go inside when they were asleep. Just in case because you have a history where they bagged all your shit and threw dishes at you while you were sleeping. You didn’t want to get hurt again.

Now you’re here, writing all of this, trying to find meaning through all this pain. Everything you’re doing feels wrong because you keep hearing from others that your actions are wrong when all along you’ve been following your heart, trying to follow your happiness. What is wrong? What is right? What is good? What is bad? Who or what really defines someone as either or? You feel beat down and broken, you feel as though you’ve hit rock bottom as you have felt many times over the course of these three months. You’ve been trying to stay afloat, you even turned to God to help you out because you know that at this time, you shouldn’t turn your back on Him but to use Him and His guidance to heal your own heart.

You haven’t disclosed everything here but you know yourself all the shit that’s been going down, that even keys on a keyboard and a screen can’t fix. Trying to keep your anxiety and depression at bay because you knew a time where the old you was suicidal. You want to run away and shut yourself off from the world but you don’t know how to. Or, rather you’re too old to be running away from all of this.

You long for peace and harmony, a place where you can come home to to weather out the storms, a place you feel safe in even when the chaos outside is too much to bear alone. You long for someone to finally understand you, to peel back the layers that you have in order to gain a deeper understanding of the whole being of your entity. You long for the day where the shadows only loom playfully and not as a painful reminder of who you were in the past. You long for the days where your shoulders can align with the rest of your body and your heart sits exactly where it belongs without carrying the weight of the universe on both. You naively long for the day where a love that can help you better yourself, to grow alongside of you and see you past your dark past and inner self fill you overwhelmingly so. You long for the day where you see yourself as beautiful no matter what phase you are in, no matter how your body sits, no matter how your hair falls, no matter what colours your skin changes and how it deteriorates and to love yourself enough to eat better and live healthier so that you don’t feel so disgusted with yourself anymore.

You long for those changes but please make an effort to obtain and overcome those longings. Please love yourself so that you can realize your worth and so that no one can tear you down and determine what your self-worth is when you should have known all along. You may not have a family who loves you, you may have friends and lovers that come and go but please remind yourself that you are your own home. Make yourself worth living for. Don’t let anyone else dictate how your life should be, follow your heart, follow your gut instincts, let them work collaboratively. You’ll get to where you need to be one day. I promise. The only tears that will come out of your eyes will be ones of overwhelming joy.

Right now, I’m here to remind you that I love you even when you don’t love yourself, when no one loves you the way you need to be loved. It’s contradicting but this is why I’m writing to you today.

Keep pushing through baby girl. Be right, be wrong, own whatever it is you decide to do and face the consequences of both. Backing down doesn’t benefit you in the long run so remain strong and prayerful.

I’m with you always.

Take care.

-A

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talabib · 7 years

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How To Stop Living For Others And Start Living For Yourself

Your negative beliefs are the biggest obstacle between you and your dreams.

Start by reflecting on who you are as if you were another person entirely. Admire your strengths, and think honestly about all the good things you could say about yourself.

Discover the person you want to be and don’t let anyone tell you to quit.

When we’re young, we have an intuitive understanding of who we are and how we do things. But as we grow older, we stop listening to this inner knowledge and do what others tell us to do.

If you want to make your ambitions reality, you need to embrace your inner badass. Once you stop caring about what other people think, you can find your own path!

Do you dream of becoming an author? To do this, you’ll have to write a lot! This, in turn, likely requires you to carve out free time while you hold down a job that helps you pay the rent.

Express a desire to learn, cultivate gratitude, and learn how to forgive for a happier, richer life.

Your thoughts are powerful, so make them work for you!

In our modern world, we’re hyper-focused on action. Thinking things over and taking time to develop ideas, on the other hand, are habits that we don’t often practice. But we should.

By acting as if the thing you want is already a reality, negative thoughts won’t be able to hold you back. In other words, fake it ‘til you make it!

Tackle procrastination, excuses and hesitation

Thought is a powerful tool when it comes to achieving your goals, but it must be combined with real action. To act positively, you need to first overcome the drag of procrastination and hesitation.

To overcome these excuses, you need to convince yourself of your purpose. If your resolve is weak, this may be a sign that you need to redefine your goals.

To do this, you need to stop judging others. Then spend time asking yourself tough questions, like “Do I really want to become an actor?” or “Will it make me happy?”

If you answer yes to these questions, then it’s time to recognize your hesitation and procrastination for what they really are. No more excuses!

Focus all aspects of your life toward your goal.

So you’ve decided to change your life path to work toward your dream goal. But how far will you go? Too often talented people don’t live their dreams because they give up too soon.

While rejection is a part of anyone’s journey, quitting is something you should never do. Instead, learn from your mistakes and keep pushing until you create the life you’ve always wanted.

In fact, creating a new environment and lifestyle centered around your life purpose is one of the best ways to stay on track.

Ultimately, your new life will emerge through clear intentions, powerful desires and action. Don’t care about what others think, and crucially, give yourself permission to live your dreams!

#How To Stop Living For Others And Start Living For Yourself.

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ongames · 7 years

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Trump Wants To Roll Back Birth Control Access. Women Aren't Having It.

The Trump administration is poised to roll back an Obamacare mandate that requires employers to cover birth control for female employees, according to a draft rule released this week.

Democratic leaders have called the move “sickening.” The American Civil Liberties Union said it would fight the rule in court. And women across the country who have come to count on being able to access a broad range of contraceptive options without a copay were outraged, taking to Twitter to share their personal stories.

Used to pay roughly $1200 a year for the pill. Now I pay nothing. Would love for it to remain the case. *smh* https://t.co/hwRWqPd4xH

— Hugh Madson (@sweet_epiphany) May 31, 2017

ACA meant I could afford my long term implanted bc (implanon!) and let my husband and I focus on paying off our debt before having kids. https://t.co/XVWwEXaRfe

— Meagan Lopez (@MeaganMCrowe) May 31, 2017

HuffPost Women spoke to 12 women about how the Affordable Care Act’s birth control mandate has affected their lives, and the many reasons why they rely on birth control. Here are their powerful stories.

Alexandra, 31, got an IUD after being raped:

“I wasn’t on birth control when I was raped at 19. It was the scariest six weeks of my life as I waited for my next cycle. I have an IUD now, which I got 10 years after my rape when I was a staff member at Planned Parenthood. I’m on medication to treat several autoimmune disorders and cannot get pregnant.

Birth control is more than a contraceptive to me; it helped me regain control of my body after someone robbed it from me. I was able to get my IUD covered through the mandate. In three years, when I need a new one put in, I know I will not be able to afford to pay out of pocket. It would be a financial burden, but my Mirena is part of my medical treatment—just like the other medications I take.” —Alexandra Dukat, 31, New York

Anonymous, 23, needs birth control to help manage her PCOS:

“I have Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome, which is an endocrine disorder that causes a host of problems, like painful cysts, weight gain, insulin resistance and diabetes, acne, exhaustion, brain fog, vitamin deficiencies, depression, anxiety, and trouble getting pregnant, just to name few. My birth control prescription not only helps keep all of those symptoms at bay, it allowed me to finish a bachelor’s degree in three years because I was able to actually function.

The day that the Obamacare birth control mandate went into effect, I cried at the pharmacy counter. I wasn’t really aware of what was happening ― I was in college, still on my mother’s insurance and was accustomed to forking over $20 of my $100 monthly grocery budget for the pill. It was such a huge relief to know I would be covered at no cost. I am worried now, knowing that as I search for jobs in the post-grad world, that I could wind up in a similar situation ― or worse. I hear people say, ‘Well, you shouldn’t go to work for a company that wouldn’t cover your birth control at 100 percent.’ As if every person in the country gets a million options for employment. As if this won’t turn into a slippery slope of non-religious employers opting out of the mandate just to cut costs.” —Anonymous, 23, Texas

Danielle, 26, needs birth control to get out of bed and function:

“I have been on birth control since age 16 due to incredibly painful heavy periods and ovarian cysts. The pain was so terrible that a couple days every month I would be bedridden. The paramedics even had to come to my home because I would often hyperventilate from the electrifying pain and pass out.

With birth control pills, my pain is almost entirely gone, and so are my cysts. I can participate in life. Birth control lets me rock my career, explore and try new activities and travel the world with my love—plus, I don’t want kids. Not now, not ever.”—Danielle Chandler, 26, California

Anne, 40, needs her birth control to be covered or she’ll have to have a hysterectomy:

“I was grateful for the coverage mandate when I began taking birth control pills while undergoing infertility treatment. Before two separate egg retrieval operations, I needed to take the pill to prevent natural egg release. Infertility treatment is extremely expensive, and we were desperate just for that little bit of financial relief. We were already extended, and it was just a bit more that we didn’t have to take out in a loan.

While our attempts to have a baby were ultimately unsuccessful, my doctor is currently considering birth control pills to help manage an issue with recurring uterine fibroids. Without coverage, I will likely have to resort to a hysterectomy as I cannot afford additional monthly medical expenses.” —Anne Hunter, 40, Illinois

Katrina, 35, takes birth control to lower her cancer risk:

“I’m a BRCA carrier, like Angelina Jolie, who lives in fear of ovarian cancer. If a pill means that I can lower the chances of meeting the fate of my family members, I want that pill. I took it for 10 years and have also used an IUD. I also recently had my tubes removed. All of my birth control choices, from the pill to surgery, were covered by my insurance.

The idea that my BRCA mutation, which I may have passed on to my three daughters, could already be considered a preexisting condition is stressful enough without knowing that the one thing that is non-invasive and can help reduce their risk can be taken away as well.” —Katrina, 35, New Jersey

Kelsey, 24, needs birth control to function and she can’t afford $100 a month:

“I’ve been on birth control since I was in 8th grade. When I got my period, I bled for almost two whole weeks every month and remember having constant spotting. Schools only were allowed to administer so much ibuprofen, Tylenol before I was turned away and was eventually sent home because I couldn’t sit upright in my desk chair.

I’m now 24 years old and have never stopped taking birth control. I have an active sex life with my long-term boyfriend. We are both college grads with crippling amounts of student debt and rely on my birth control being free every month. We don’t want to have to decide between $100 for a prescription or $100 for food for the month. I’m scared. I don’t want my coverage of birth control to disappear. Will I be able to continue working if the unbearable cramps return with the two-week periods? I don’t know—and I don’t want to find out.” —Kelsey, 24, Kansas

Lynnsey, 25, needs the NuvaRing to manage her endometriosis:

“I rely on contraceptives to manage my endometriosis. After complications and a surgery to remove an ovary, I’ve finally found a doctor who knows how to keep my symptoms at bay, and that includes taking birth control.

Without the coverage mandate, I wouldn’t be able to afford the medication that prevents my endometriosis from getting worse and damaging other organs. I currently use the NuvaRing, which would cost around $130. I would not be able to swing that much each month.” —Lynnsey, 25, Wisconsin

Devina, 23, uses birth control because she never wants kids:

“I’m 23 years old and have always known I never wanted kids. The free birth control my employer’s health insurance provides makes that happen. My mother, who was not so fortunate to have easily accessible birth control, had me at a young age and raised me on her own and went through struggles I will never know to ensure she could not only provide a promising future for me, but for herself as well (she got a Ph.D. in math).

With the current contraceptive mandate, I know my reproductive future will go exactly the way I want it to, and that I can stay as happy in life as I am right now. Before, I had to pay a $40 co-pay every month. I could afford that, but other women cannot.” —Devina Alvarado-Rodela, 23, Arizona

Nicole, 28, worries she won’t be able to afford another IUD:

“I started taking pills I believe when I was 13 to track my periods and make sure they didn’t interfere with swim meets. My periods meant horrible cramps, so knowing what meets had conflicting dates with my cycle was really, really helpful.

Eventually, I switched to an IUD, which was paid for in full by my insurance. I need to replace it next year, and I’ll admit I’m a little nervous—I’m not sure how much a replacement will run me. My fiance and I have talked about it and I’ve agreed to go back on the pill if that’s more within our price range. While I’m sure we can afford some form of birth control, I’m sad that price might mean limiting some of our options.” —Nicole, 28, Florida

Anonymous, 23, got better birth control through the ACA:

“I’m young. I work three jobs and can barely make ends meet. Having a baby now would ruin me financially, probably for the rest of my life—not to mention how it would impact that child. I rely on birth control because I don’t think I should have to take a vow of celibacy just because I’m not financially stable yet.

Before the ACA, I was on the cheapest generic birth control I could get—it cost me about $10 a month out of pocket. After the election, I scheduled an appointment to get an IUD and it’s looking more and more like I made the right decision.”—Anonymous, 27, Missouri

Mandie, 31, needs birth control to help with PMDD:

“I depend on birth control to help with my acne, to combat PMDD (which is an awful, super-sized version of PMS) and to curb cramps. I already pay about $30 a month out-of-pocket on other prescriptions, so it’s really nice that this has been free and available to me. The kind I take isn’t cheap—well over $50 a month without coverage. Without insurance, I’d never be able to afford it.” —Mandie, 31, Wisconsin

Sarah, 29, already has three kids and doesn’t want another:

“I choose to use an oral birth control pill because I currently do not want to have another baby (I recently had my third child) and I do not want to get an abortion, though I am pro-choice. I’m fortunate that the contraceptive coverage mandate doesn’t affect me, because my medications are fully covered under military health care. Unfortunately, that is not an option for everyone.” —Sarah Peachey, 29, currently based in Germany

Accounts have been edited and condensed.

-- This feed and its contents are the property of The Huffington Post, and use is subject to our terms. It may be used for personal consumption, but may not be distributed on a website.

Trump Wants To Roll Back Birth Control Access. Women Aren't Having It. published first on http://ift.tt/2lnpciY

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yes-dal456 · 7 years

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Trump Wants To Roll Back Birth Control Access. Women Aren't Having It.

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The Trump administration is poised to roll back an Obamacare mandate that requires employers to cover birth control for female employees, according to a draft rule released this week.

Used to pay roughly $1200 a year for the pill. Now I pay nothing. Would love for it to remain the case. *smh* https://t.co/hwRWqPd4xH

— Hugh Madson (@sweet_epiphany) May 31, 2017

ACA meant I could afford my long term implanted bc (implanon!) and let my husband and I focus on paying off our debt before having kids. https://t.co/XVWwEXaRfe

— Meagan Lopez (@MeaganMCrowe) May 31, 2017

Alexandra, 31, got an IUD after being raped:

Anonymous, 23, needs birth control to help manage her PCOS:

Danielle, 26, needs birth control to get out of bed and function:

Anne, 40, needs her birth control to be covered or she’ll have to have a hysterectomy:

Katrina, 35, takes birth control to lower her cancer risk:

“I’m a BRCA carrier, like Angelina Jolie, who lives in fear of ovarian cancer. If a pill means that I can lower the chances of meeting the fate of my family members, I want that pill. I took it for 10 years and have also used an IUD. I also recently had my tubes tied. All of my birth control choices, from the pill to surgery, were covered by my insurance.

Kelsey, 24, needs birth control to function and she can’t afford $100 a month:

I’m now 24 years old and have never stopped taking birth control. I have an active sex life with my long-term boyfriend. We are both college grads with crippling amounts of student debt and rely on my birth control being free every month. We don’t want to have to decide between $100 in a prescription or a $100 of food for the month. I’m scared. I don’t want my coverage of birth control to disappear. Will I be able to continue working if the unbearable cramps return with the two-week periods? I don’t know—and I don’t want to find out.” —Kelsey, 24, Kansas

Lynnsey, 25, needs the NuvaRing to manage her endometriosis:

Devina, 23, uses birth control because she never wants kids:

Nicole, 28, worries she won’t be able to afford another IUD:

Anonymous, 23, got better birth control through the ACA:

Mandie, 31, needs birth control to help with PMDD:

Sarah, 29, already has three kids and doesn’t want another:

-- This feed and its contents are the property of The Huffington Post, and use is subject to our terms. It may be used for personal consumption, but may not be distributed on a website.

from http://ift.tt/2rv1szV from Blogger http://ift.tt/2rZ5GAf

#http://www.happiness2arab.tk/2017/06/trump-wants-to-roll-back-birth-control.html

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