#this is such a mess | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

leadenn · 6 months

Text

EVEN MORE MOM TANG SHEN

part four I think I don't fucking know I write I don't do math

Raph follows Shen around like a little duckling, all the boys do when she's home since she's gone most of the day, but Raph is basically her little shadow. She calls him that, she arrives home from work and locks the door behind her and she asks where her little shadow is. Then Raph, upon hearing her voice fucking barrels towards her at high speed and demands he be picked up. Mikey and Leo also demand hugs when she arrives home but Donnie would prefer a little pat on the head when she ccomes home.

She's very much a boy mom not in the weird gross way but as in she just loves her sons and gets dirty and gross playing with them bc they're four boys that live in the sewers eight months of the year. Also, post move into the sewers Shen doubles her budget for hygiene bc she can deal with being the crazy widow recluse lady with a cane but she REFUSES to also smell while being that lady.

The risk of being stinky is the only thing she doesn't like about her family life tho, like she adores her sons.

She spends time with Donnie by helping him learn (he often doesn't need help, but she knows he doesn't want to hurt her feelings by telling her that. Shen finds it very sweet) and reading to him. Tbh some of the books he asks her to get for him are beyond her understanding but anything to make her little genius happy. If he wants to listen to free lectures online about physics? She'll happily listen with him. She never wants him to lose interest in learning or feel embarrassed about his passion for science and learning. Despite their situation, she knows that her boy will do great things.

Leo and her read together, and it's things more within her area. History and literature. Sometimes Mikey joins them, but books are usually a Momma and Leo activity. He also is the most interested in their heritage. She's happy to answer any questions about history or folk tales from their culture, and the way his little eyes light up remind her of Yoshi back when they were kids and Shen would tell him and his disgrace of a "brother" stories from her books. She also notices he likes helping her and Yoshi care for his brothers but she never lets him think that it's his job. She does enjoy watching him play big brother though, it was adorable

Mikey has a giant imagination, and he loves to play pretend. He doesn't need to hear stories, because he prefers to tell them. He makes plays up, he makes little puppets out of things he finds around their home in the sewers, and he puts on shows. He likes books, but Shen thinks he'd be better at writing them than reading them. She's happy to encourage his creativity, and she'll always be his biggest fan. If he wants to write or make art as he grows, Shen will move heaven and earth to show how talented and bright her boy is. How? She doesn't know, but she'll do it.

Raph, her little shadow, is happy doing anything she does. He helps her with chores, he helps her cook, he asks her questions about people and what the surface was like, and despite how much he loved their home and family she could tell he wants more. So Shen and Yoshi did their best to give him everything. He loved ninjutsu, he loved playing with his brothers, he loved the books and movies Shen provided them, but he wanted more. As sweet as her little shadow is, he acted out because he wanted to have more than what was safe. It breaks Shen's heart, but there was nothing she could do to make the world a safe place for her boys. Most days, he's content to be Shen's little shadow and be a good student for Yoshi. Shen knew that this wouldn't go away with age.

Also I think Yoshi would assume Shen no longer loved him or felt attracted to him bc of how he looks and just stayed to help take care of their sons. That isn't the case and it takes several years for Yoshi to really accept that Shen loves him no matter what he looks like.

"Are you still 6'1 and muscular?" Shen asked him, and he stopped cutting the cucumbers for the smashed cucumber salad they were making. He had casually mentioned it being okay if Shen was uncomfortable around him. She had just let out a sigh of annoyance. Yoshi was confused, but nodded in reply. "Then don't worry." She said, leaning over and kissing his cheek.

"I love you." He said, because he felt as if he never said it enough. He didn't save their daughter. He didn't save Shen from getting injured to the point of disability. He was a giant rat. The only thing he's provided her in their marriage that he didn't eventually ruin was their sons. Yet she stayed with him, she loved him, she ran her hands through his fur, she kisses him many times a day, and she melted into his arms when he held her.

"I love you too, Yoshi." She said, leaning over to kiss him. She stopped, and glared at the cutting board. "And if you want me to continue loving you, you'll cut the cucumber slices correctly."

He smiles, and kisses her nose. She pokes his with her finger. He smiles wider.

#hamato yoshi #tang shen #turtle tots #mikey tmnt #tmnt leonardo #tmnt raphael #tmnt donatello #tang shen mom au #this is such a mess #literally a dumpster fire but I enjoy the content #Like it's all word vomit but I think the vomit is fun #tang shen hates saki with a burning passion

38 notes · View notes

imintoomanyfandomscuzihaveadhd · 1 year

Text

I present spider showing his recom dads the wonder of Navi clothes 😩

@hyperfixatedfandomer @naavispider

#this is such a mess #please tell me this makes sense #avatar #avatarfanfic #fandom #spider socorro #miles quaritch #lyle wainfleet #tiktok #i made it #shit post #avatar 2 #avatar way of water

120 notes · View notes

tojisprettywife · 2 months

Text

i'm currently revamping everything, my navigation and such so it's a mess😭

#this is such a mess #i still dont know what im going for #going with the flow #for now at least #kay spewed 🧍🏻‍♀️

8 notes · View notes

lemony-7 · 10 months

Text

~MY HERO ACADEMIA FIC RECS PART 1~

If I die (will you be the one to push me off the roof ?) by Hoco_Koen (oneshot // 5k)

Bakugou Katsuki is many things, but he's not a liar. So when they ask : "Did you tell Midoriya to kill himself ?" When they ask, he says yes.

TW: Major Character Death, Suicide, Bullying, Stalking, Abuse, Murder.

Genre: Hurt No Comfort, Angst

Bakugou Katsuki-centric.

This was so deliciously sad, oh my god. Beautifully written and had a very bittersweet tone to it throughout the fic. The ending made me openly gasp and a complete 10/10.

2. Our echoes, they are deafening by underfallingstars (oneshot // 6k)

“Shinsou, I dare you to kiss the most attractive person in the room.” Bakugou knows Shinsou would choose him, if he gave him the chance. He doesn't.

No TWs Apply.

Genre: Hurt/Comfort

Ships: Shinbaku (Shinsou Hitoshi/Bakugou Katsuki)

This?? was so cute?? A bit angsty, a bit sweet. Made my heart throb, I loved it.

3. stitch me up by kae_karo (twoshot // 36k)

Much to his chagrin, both- what, halves? It’s as good a term as any, he supposes. Both halves of Todoroki stand side by side, staring at him in the most irritating and unnerving way. -- todo gets split into his two quirk halves and katsuki has to Deal With It

No TWs Apply.

Genre: Light Angst, Fluff

TodoBaku.

Absolutely brilliant. Idea? Brilliant. Execution? Brilliant. As a todobaku enthusiast, this hit the EXACT spots that needed to be hit. 10/10, will read again. The way both the halfs were portrayed was utter GENIUS.

4. Tales of unlikely brotherhood by mentallypapaya (Incomplete // currently at 6k)

Five times the class didn't get the Kacchan-Deku dynamic, and the one time they started figuring it out. // "So that was fucking weird, right?" Kirishima checked, pointing at the door they'd just left through. The other occupants of the room nodded in agreement. "I don't think I've ever seen those two have a conversation that didn't end in Midoriya's physical health taking a hit before." Todoroki muttered, head tilting to the side. "It is very odd," Tokoyami agreed. "Could that simply be what happens when Bakugou neglects his sleep schedule?" Kaminari shook his head. "I don't think so, we've been with him all day. He's mostly been normal, apart from just ignoring the shit out of us. I think Mido's the first person he actually responded to." "This is so weird," Kirishima reiterated.

No TWs Apply.

Genre: Fluff, 5+1 Things (is that even a genre-?)

Platonic BakuDeku, Bakugou Katsuki-centric, Midoriya Izuku-centric.

There is a lack of platonic bakudeku fics out there, just saying. And this fic is the perfect example of how many more fics we need.

5. lol get rekt endeavor by Saccha (oneshot // 4k)

"How do you feel about your father becoming the number one hero?" "He'll always be number two in my heart." In which Todoroki Touya grows up to be a hero, and channels his anger into pettiness instead of villainy.

TW: Implied/Referenced Child Abuse

Genre: Crack, Light Angst, Humour

Gen, Todoroki Touya-centric.

Beautiful. I love petty characters and this fic filled the petty meter 100%. The angst was also really well-done and ofc, the Todoroki family deserved better. Not Endeavour tho. Burn in hell to him.

24 notes · View notes

corajexcorazon · 9 months

Text

Atleti really stole one of the most important players off a small team only bc he scored against us in the first game of the season

#and now they cant loan him back to Granada #this is such a mess

14 notes · View notes

boxwinebaddie · 7 months

Note

Hey Uncle Nina, I was wondering if you had any writing tips for new writers? ((Also side note but I am really inspired by you deciding to take breaks, (not in a mean way, i'm so, so, sorry if it sounded mean!!) I'm also just inspired by you in general your like my idol. :33))

hello my precious peach! before i begin, i would just like to start off by saying that you could, never, ever be mean, darling! you are so kind and wonderful!!! this message made me smile a rare kyle pile smile of over-large, lopsided stanley marsh proportions at my computer screen <33 and i admired it for many, many moons. :')

-- but i can't believe i'm your idol, possibly?! awww!!!! wowowow! i am extremely honored that you'd consider me as your idol given that i am constantly being a bumbling buffoon and am the ceo of girlfailuring.

behind 16k of nonsense and bold-space-italics, i swear i am just deranged writer college student, cat mom, box wine enthusiast.

i will say, however, that it means a lot to me that you find me inspirational or that you look up to me in someway because...

sigh. okay. please be cool guys. i debated mentioning this for a long time because i am scared it will punish me in some way, but...

i am studying to become a teacher. :')

woAh! new uncle nina lore just dropped! shdkahldk

so if i seem exhausted all the time, that is why, and if i preach at you guys a little bit, its just what i am constantly doing haha. i also specialize specifically in the area of social emotional learning, aka the part of teaching that focuses on mental health, creating a safe environment in your classroom, advocating/addressing student social needs, making sure students feel loved/validated/heard, etc.

with that said! i would love to give you some tips! anything i can do to support you on your writing journey means so much to me! i'll drop some things i have found helpful under the cut! xx

THIS ASK IS VERY LONG AND MAKES NO SENSE AT ALL BUT I HOPE THAT IT HELPS EVEN A LITTLE BIT! <3

i thought i would begin by playing off the part of your ask where you felt inspired by willingness to take breaks and!!!! i love that actually because...it took me a very long time to get there.

and if anyone has followed me from the very beginning, you watched me learn how to become kind to myself and go from rushing and stressing and feeling horrible about myself to...letting myself relax.

so, my darling, i want to start by saying...

fanfic is funfic.

writing is not always easy, no, sometimes it is very hard, but it should always, always, always be fun.

writing is a hobby. it's something that we do to unwind, to make us happy, to share stories through a creative media, to capture thoughts, feelings and speak without using our physical voices.

it should never, ever feel like work. ever. ever, ever, EVER!

if it starts to feel like work or a chore, it's time to step away.

one of the worst crimes i fell victim to as a writer was...rushing. i was obsessed with getting out my updates fast and not falling 'behind' ( which was some invisible and impossible standard i set for myself ), so i started rushing my updates and found they got really...forced.

forcing out writing feels horrible and even if it is good writing ( which i'm sure yours will be regardless ) it takes the fun out of everything. like, i forced out OG chapters 11-12 of peppermint and literally deleted them because of how much i hated them BECAUSE i rushed! forced!

and the reason i was doing that, unfortunately, was because i was trying to keep you all engaged! i wanted to satisfy you all, i was scared of letting you down, that you would be upset with me etc.

and unfortunately, along the way, i stopped...writing for me.

now, it's easier said than done but...

Write. For. You.

this is your story. you are writing it because it means something to you. you are writing it because you are passionate about it. and yes, it is fun to share your stories online ( i have never felt blessed in my life than to have had my stories read by all of you ), you are not writing it for the people who are reading it/to satisfy the masses/get notoriety, you are writing it because it's something you love.

if people read it and like it too, that is an added bonus.

and those people, i have found, are some of the loveliest in the world and they will...wait for your content. however long that will take. be it tomorrow or never. you are under no obligation to post within a certain time frame or please other people. post when you want. post when you feel good. write when you feel good.

with that said...take your time, will you darling?

however much time that is. take it. be greedy with it.

take so, so many breaks. come back with fresh eyes.

learn from my mistakes. i got so holed up writing this summer that...quite frankly, it almost killed me. do not do that. see your friends, touch grass, make meaningful experiences outside of fanfiction and then come back in healthy shifts. do not marry your work or your computer. do not chain yourself to your desk, lovely.

another thing is that writing is rewriting.

always write a first draft. and a first draft is anything past a blank document. i like to write all my drafts in google docs first and then transfer them when i am ready to format. it just keeps them secure and i really just prefer the format and the fonts and stuff, haha.

you may be writing something and being like, yikes! this is foul! i should delete this whole thing!

doooooo not do that.

leave it alone. just write your weird little thing and when you come back later you might be like...woah, i was kind of being a dickhead? this is actually pretty good, wtf? ooooorr...you may still not like it but you can always salvage parts you do like...or be like hm i like the direction that this was going in, lets follow that.

when i was an english major, i specialized in editing, so my favorite thing is looking at my horrible draft and sentence by sentence just fixing every sentence until i like it. <3 its tedious, but i swear its fun when you're done and you're like wow this is neat!

also, be kind to yourself, yeah? you might think what you've written is 'bad'...never use that word, by the way. nothing you write is 'bad' its just not the way you want it to look...Yet. you might need to rework it or, honestly, you are probably just holding yourself to an impossible standard. take pride in the things that you write! you worked hard!

i. am. proud. of. you. <3

one of my favorite things to do is...really understand my characters.

my favorite comments about my fanfics are that people think that my characterizations of the boys are really good which, means a lot to me because characterization and detail is very important to me.

i think its fun to flesh your characters out!

to do this, i have a notebook dedicated to my fanfics! i take notes about character backstories, headcanons, write myself notes when i have random ideas! it helps keep me organized!

i also like to do these character forms...it helps me have a solid feeling about my characters, how they look, walk, talk, etc. i love, love, love detail so i fill those out pretty thoroughly

( which!!!! if you guys want to see me fill one out! just ask me and specify which character to do it for! i could totally do pep!stan or pep!kyle or rm!jerseykyle or...ok actually, if i do raven i have to be Very Careful because of the plot...so...maybe ask me in a couple chapters before i do one on him...which pains me because THATS THE ONE I WANT TO DO!!! LIKE MAN!!!...i can also do side chars

***also maybe let me know what sections you want just because they are long as fuck lmaoooo help haha )

answer as many questions about your characters as you can! think about what they smell like! what types of food gross them out! celebrity crushes! one thing they could change about themselves? hidden talents? ideal man/woman/person? birthmarks/scars, etc.

i think ones about character motivations/dreams/fears/insecurities are reaaaallly good ones to look at.

also just putting your characters in situations is fun ( its why i like when you guys ask me about headcanons or give me one shot requests because it helps me flesh my characters out! )

( also if you aren't sure! that's okay! go with your gut! you can always edit! or change stuff! like...i learned about marj while writing pep and i used chapter five as a way to transition butters into marj...i also...fml found out something very annoying that impacts a large part of the rm lore i wrote BEFORE IT RECENTLY HAPPENED and had to painstakingly readapt my fanfic...around this info...but! thats on Being Flexible, my friends! writing...is rewriting )

also for inspiration! idk play dress up! hit your closet or the thrift store and wear something your character might! method act. ( if you are writing stan do not drink like him, i have done enough of that in my life for all of you, you're welcome it fucking sucks )

i am cringe but i do run the clove essential oil writing ravenstan/i did make a fireball apple cider ( yes they are gross, yes im gross ), i washed my face with an aggressive peppermint face wash writing stan season, i write a lot of my kyle chapters in large sweaters and frown often haha...

ok...uh personal cringey sidebar convo...weirdly sometimes writing stan i wear a lot of big hoodies, flannels and i am like...boy...nina? boyfriend? nina? why do i kinda? like him? skhdsldhd help if u dont get a little confused about ur gender for a second writing your boy fanfics are u really in character or what lmaooo

( off topic, but to respond to that, i think i am very comfortable in my femininity and girlhood, i just occasionally have a slightly more masc fuckboy backwards hat, ahah then what ;) frat boy moment that i lean into, mostly in a gay girl way...does that make sense? help sdjs the best way i can describe it is this meme lmaoo )

anywaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaays! moving on!

also reading your writing out loud! while weird! is very cathartic and it helps you check if dialogue sounds the way you want it! or if there is an accent you need to hear ( yall heard me do the jersey kyle accent to check pronounciation ) it helps you get more attuned with your writing and really get the feel for it. if you do not want to be a clown like me another thing you can do is highlight your whole piece an have your phone 'speak' it back to you...that way you can check spelling errors.

which...btw...spell with your heart. spell with a stanley marsh level of loveliness and possible illiteracy. it's ok. don't beat yourself up.

but more on characters! make pinterest boards! make playlists!!!! make them on piccrew! don't get obsessed but have fun!!!

( seriously though...do not worry about being too detailed. please be so detailed be so fucking insane. i love reading so much and your readers will too. but maybe i am a maximalist. i want to eat ur chars )

another thing i like a lot about writing is dialogue!!!! i LOOOOOVE dialogue so so so much!

i always write all my dialogue first and try not to write it on the fly because i like to use it as a way to mark my progress, keep me on track, help me remember what goes next, etc.

then fill in the blanks later! its good for plot pacing.

i get asked about believable dialogue sometimes and you really just have to look at how your character presents themselves and how they interact with your world...on a base level.

like i.e. you're new at school and you run into pep!style

stan is sweet and kind and popular and immediately very likable. he'll probably tell you your shirt looks cool/that he likes your hair, probably offer to carry your books and babble on and on about football, video games, marvel movies, cool dogs, nature etc. he's senior class president and gods angel so he'll look after you. he might hug you. he will also probably talk your ear off about kyle and how cool he is.

"woah! sick shirt dude! i love the smiths! i'm listening to them right now! but --ooooof. that's alooooot of books, man. oh god, is that -- ap...history? yiiiiikes, bro. i mean, no offense! it's cool you like learning stuff. kyle's like that. oh...kyle? ha, he's my super best friend! uh-huh, since kindergarten! you know, since you're smart you're probably in a ton of his classes. lucky. speaking of, you'll know him when you see him. he's really tall, he's got big curly red hair, lots of freckles, pr..pretty, s-soft hands and his eyes are really green, like, really, r-really green i mean wowz...ah-hah? my boyfriend? aaaaa, hahaa....no-no he's not my b-boyfriend, why would you--i sound like i'm in love with him? i-i well i do love him, just not like that...i mean, maybe a little mayb--let's get you to class, okay smart guy?"

HEEEEELP

kyle...rip. kyle would probably be like watch where the FUCK you're going new kid! fucking idiot! and then be like i...how do you know my name??? and be like ah, i see you met stan. if he likes you, you're probably alright...y-you have a CRUSH on him??? i mean, i get it...he is captain of the football team, has really big blue eyes, nice eyelashes, broad shoulders and is like smoooooking ho--IS HE MY BOYFRIEND???? UM! NO! he is--he is NOT my boyfriend! were JUST super best friends! pfft you...you asked because he talked about me...like i was his boyfriend? like he was in love with m--ah-hah...you-yknow! we're just close were just....whatdidhesayaboutme askhdlad

important to think about where they might use words like, uh, um, like etc. also things that might be specific to them. i have pep stan say wowza a lot because i think its cute. and that the boys say hyh all the time to eachother. making a lingo is a great way to form chats.

( for accents and stuff, i would just watch videos of people with those accents speaking...even using tiktok as a resource for slang people might use...saying stuff out loud...etc )

uhhhh what else?

BE WEIRD!!!! be so fucking strange and weird!!!!!! be so odd! if you're looking at your story and you're like oof...is this too weird? NO! make it weirder! make it so so mindboggling haha.

i remember i was writing rm and i was scared to post it because i was literally like...this is too weird. people are gonna think this is weird and too ooc and not like it but...

who are we writing for my friend?

YOURSELF!

who cares if its weird! who cares if one person or one hundred million people like your fic! we are publishing stories on the internet! that is already weird, so who cares????

write your truth. write whatever you want. if people dont like it. i seriously dont care. I LIKE IT. i like what you write.

but that does matter.

it matters that you like what you write. write for yourself. write because you love it. everything else is background noise.

do not be afraid to be selfish, to take care of yourself and write only when and what feels right to you.

you guys can also ask me more specific questions or have me beta read anything -- ask me about concepts you might want to write! my dms are open, i have a discord, my twitter...even on ao3! im happy to help and i hope any of this was feasible.

-teacher uncle nina

#this is such a mess #i hope any of this makes sense #basically #write for yourself and no one else #take risks and have confidence in what you write #take breaks and write without a schedule #do character forms make playlists pinterest boards hcs #method act if you need to #read your work back to yourself use voices if you want #its good for checking spelling and vibing with your writing #be cringe #write your stuff in a google doc then transfer to save your work #try dialogue first and then fill in the gaps #put your characters in diff situations #and see how they would talk and interact #see how that might differ character to character #and idk be weird #please be weird #do not be afraid to be strange or cringe or intense #i love and support yall being as insane as u want #also yeah uh please dont dox me that makes me seriously nervous i need a job u guys #i get paid actually zero dollars to write i write because i love it lmao #i get paid not that much more to teach but u know...box wine is not free and neither is therapy which i need often #but yeah whew teacher nina nation nina lore haha #ALSO NOT ME HAVING A GENDER MOMENT U GUYS #i luv being hyper fem y2k princess nina but also in bi girlie way i like being boyfriend nina who will carry u over puddles & wins beer pon #i think its funny when people run into me and they think im cute bc of my fit like oh my godddd #and then i roll up w my dead ass man voice and start being like shaka brah!!! bet!!! bet dude!!! you wont dude! no balls bro? ashdlkha #frat boy girl failure uncle nina nation who is up

12 notes · View notes

goopyratdaughter · 1 year

Text

tfw Blake cowering when Ruby started to come forward and charge

#rwby #rwby spoilers #she was 100% thinking about Him and I'm so heartBROKEN #THIS IS SUCH A MESS #I'm ill.

15 notes · View notes

roseytoesy · 1 year

Text

frick dude I’m brainrotting so bad…twst has my whole heart and my vore brain demands I write things for some characters… sorry not sorry if this makes no sense. It’s brain vomit.

Azul: “oh you want to make a deal?… o-oh a-are you sure about that? You’re sure you want that?? W-well a deals a deal… come on in?”

gulp! Gulp-

“a-ah! Please stop squirming so much! I-it feels… weird. are you alright?… what an odd human you are. Wishing to be in the belly of a monster- hey! stop hitting me! I get it I won’t call myself a monster! Please be gentle in there…” “you we’re surprisingly tasty and I will admit the weight you provided in my core was very pleasant… perhaps we could do this deal again?”

Floyd: “ne~ shrimpy wants to play? What are we playing? Oh? Hehe you wanna play in my belly? Sure just know I love to play with my food~”

slurp! Glurk! Gulp! Glk!

“Ahhh! Hmmmmm, shrimpys so tasty! Yummy yummy in my tummy! And your little squirms feel so nice. All mine, my little tasty squishy snacky! Hehehe that tickles! Urp”

“I liked squeezing you so close shrimpy! Made you all mine for a bit~ gonna haveta do this more often <3”

Jade: “oh is there something you wish to ask of me prefect? Oya? I’m sorry I must have bad saltwater in my ear. Mind repeating yourself? Fufufu~ I’ll be more than happy to fulfill your little request. On the house. I was in need of a snack anyway. Now come here my little morsel~”

slurp. Gulp! Glurk, gln

“Rrrp. Pardon me. You ok in there snack? Hmmmm. Yes do so keep wiggling, it feels wonderful. I’m sure azul won’t mind me taking my break a bit early tonight. It’s not often I get to indulge in such a tasty meal. A going to have to be careful you don’t fatten me up with how sweet you tasted. Fufufu~ I’m only joking. Wouldn’t want the headmaster to expel me. Relax prefect you’re fine I’ll release you in a few hours. I’m just having a bit of fun with my food. Oof! Hmmm yes always such fun reactions.”

“thank you for dining with us tonight prefect. Do come back soon. Fufufu. I look forward to some taste testing in the future~”

Jamil: “hmmm? Is there something you need from me perfect? Y-you what?! Let me get this straight, you want me to swallow you whole? But why? Ok, ok. You’re so weird.”

gulp! glrn

“I-urp, excuse me, please don’t move much in there… it’s, I don’t even know how to describe it. Just please don’t move. I have other things to do, yes other chores... I’ll let you out when you’re ready I guess.”

“I’ll never understand why you would want something like that, but lucky for you I won’t ask anymore. Your taste is quite divine, I might want to indulge in this in the future if your still willing~”

Kalim: “hi prefect! How are you today! Huh you want to ask me something of course go ahead! Huh?! Sorry I thought you asked me to eat you. Y-you did…. Uhhhhh, I mean… well yes I could I just don’t-I don’t want you to get hurt. Promise me you’ll tell me if anything goes wrong ok?”

glup! gulp!

“Oh wow, that tickles! Brup! Sorry about that. You ok in there? Oh that’s great to hear! What’s it like? Is it weird? I imagine it’s all dark, sorry I can’t help with that part. Hehe, glad you’re having fun in there. I do have to admire it feels rather nice! Thank you for letting me help you and letting me experience something so different and new!”

“glad you’re alright! Hey! Maybe we can go flying next time to see if it feels any different! Or add some spices onto your skin- what do you mean thats weird? It will be fine as long as Jamil doesn’t find out!”

22 notes · View notes

megslovesbooks · 1 year

Text

WIP Wednesday

Thanks for the tags @rogerzsteven and @spotsandsocks!!!

I’m cheating again this week because I don’t technically have a new WIP, but I do have this 1.5k of angsty ‘Buck in a coma’ vibes that I wrote today when I absolutely should have been working my day job. 😂

“There is a book of Revelation in every one's life, as there is in the Bible. Anne read hers that bitter night, as she kept her agonized vigil through the hours of storm and darkness. She loved Gilbert -- had always loved him! She knew that now. She knew that she could no more cast him out of her life without agony than she could have cut off her right hand and cast it from her. And the knowledge had come too late.” ~Anne of the Island, L.M. Montgomery

The unforgiving plastic edge of the chair dug into the back of Eddie’s thighs, but he hardly feels it. How long now? How long since the doctor had come to them in the early hours of the morning, huddled together in the harsh fluorescent lights of the waiting room like small hunted creatures, to tell them that while the surgery had gone as well as could be expected–Buck hadn’t woken. He might never wake. Uncertain, the doctor had said, her face grave. Tenuous. Best to prepare yourselves.

Prepare

As if anything could prepare them for—as if life could continue moving forward at all if–if–

He tips forward, curling in on himself, arms so tight around his own chest he can barely breathe. He’s alone now, has been for some time. It's only family who’s allowed in with Buck right now, and no matter how much his heart is screaming the truth, as far as the city of LA is concerned that’s only Maddie. (“I’ll talk to them.” She’d whispered, broken and fierce in his ear as they clung to each other. “I’ll get you on the list.” before she’d disappeared down the long white hall.)

The others stayed as long as they could, but they had obligations, responsibilities, and so one by one they left with murmured words and gentle touches, until all that was left was the sound of blood rushing in his own ears. And he knows, he knows, he has places to be too, people who need him, it's just–he can’t leave. He doesn't even think he could stand. The change of clothes Hen brought him from the station are still stuffed into the bag in the chair next to him. He tries to tell himself that Christopher will understand, that he is well looked after in Pepa’s home, under Carla’s watchful eye. Maybe it's true, it probably is, but the truth remains that even if it wasn’t, he’s not sure he could move from this spot.

It's as if his heart has been nailed to the floor at his feet, run through by the iron spike of his want, grief beyond any he’s ever felt the hammer falls in unerring strikes. If Buck dies, Eddie’s heart will stay here, pinned to the dirty linoleum floor until it withers away to ash.

The worst part is he didn’t know.

No. That’s a lie. He did know. He’s known for months, probably longer if he’s being honest, but he wasn’t in any sort of a place to even begin looking those feelings in the face until recently. It began as a whisper, a tiny morsel of warmth tucked into the aching space behind his ribs that refused to go out no matter how dark the nights around him got. It was bad for a while, but he’s been working, so hard, learning how to excavate his own heart, to crack open the calcified shell around it and let in the daylight and the soft rain. That little speck, the tiny seed of hope and want and Buck…had blossomed. He’s been tending it for a while now, quietly content to run his fingers over the tender green shoots and pale petals in the still hours of the night. And it felt like enough. To know he can love, that he is loved, whatever that love might look like, whatever shape it takes. He has loved Buck since he brought Carla into Eddie and Christophor’s lives. He has been in love with Buck since that quiet Tuesday in May when they were decorating the living room for Chris’s birthday party and Buck had glanced up at him over a tangle of stars and planets garland and Eddie had felt the entire world shift on its axis.

So yeah, he knew the truth, but he didn’t act on it. And maybe it was fear that Buck wouldn’t feel the same, or worse, that he would. Maybe it was the misguided belief that the knowing was enough, some foolish idea that it just wasn’t ‘the right time’. That they had any time at all. None of his reasons matter now. Buck is dying, he’s going to leave Eddie never knowing how much he means, how Eddie can’t begin to fathom a world without him in it. Maybe one some level he knew, but Eddie didn’t say it. He didn’t say it, and Buck deserved to hear it. He deserved to be told every second of every day how much he mattered, how irreplaceable he was. Is. How irreplaceable he is. Eddie should have told him how Buck saves his life every day, in big ways and small, he should have made sure, beyond soft looks and unspoken nearness, that Buck knew that Eddie simply could not, will not, survive without him.

A wave of something sour and sharp sweeps through his body and Eddie hunches further still, pressing his forehead into the grimy knees of his uniform pants.

Please. He thinks desperately, and he’s not sure if he’s talking to God or The Universe, or Buck, all of them, any of them, anyone who will listen. Please.

It's all he can manage, there’s no request tacked on to the end of his plea, no words can hold his fear and regret and agony, there is only the swelling storm of emotion that is shaking him apart. His anchor is slipping away from him in a room fifty feet away, when it is gone Eddie knows he will be lost forever in the howling gale.

He doesn't know he’s sobbing until there are gentle hands on his shoulders, the back of his head, someone is trying to talk to him but he’s shaking too much to attempt to see who it is. He might have been willing to stay there, leaning into unnamed comfort, until he’d cried himself out, but the person in front of him shifts and suddenly his nose is full of the smell of Maddie’s perfume. Panic stabs through him, cold and jagged, as he wrenches himself up to stare wildy into her tear streaked face. Why is she here? She wouldn’t have left Buck unless, oh god unless–

“Eddie–hey, hey, it’s alright.” Maddie’s hands are on his face now, cool against his feverish skin.

“Maddie.” He wheezes, forcing the word out of his constricting lungs. “Buck–?” He can’t say the words, can’t ask the question, must know the answer.

“Oh Eddie, no, he’s–there’s no change ok?” Her face twists and he feels his own crumple.

“He’s not–?”

“He’s still with us, he’s fighting.” Her touch is steady, determined, sliding to his shoulders, holding strong. He drops his face into his hands, unable to stop the sound that claws out of his throat. They sit that way for a little bit, until his body stops shaking so hard and his breath comes easier.

“Sorry.” He croaks, the dawning awareness that he’s falling apart on the person he should be supporting burning in his face.

“No.” She says firmly, “None of that.” He doesn't know what to say, just reaches up and scrubs at his face with one hand.

“I came out here to tell you I got them to add you to the approved visitor’s list. It’ll just be you and me for now, once he’s more stable–if, if he still hasn’t–well, they’ll let more people in but for now…” She reaches out and squeezes his free hand. “It's just family.” When he meets her eyes he can see she knows, has known for a while, but he doesn't have the energy to parse that out because the meaning of her words is starting to break through the fog in his head.

“I can see him?” He asks stupidly, and Maddie grins tiredly at him then nods at the forgotten bag beside him.

“Why don’t you clean up, change into something more comfortable. Then I’ll take you back. I thought maybe you could sit with him a while, I need to call Chim, make some plans.”

“Yeah.” He says, scrambling to his feet with her help. “Yes.” He takes two unsteady steps towards the bathrooms then moves back to pull her into his arms.

“Thank you.” He whispers, and she tightens her grip on him.

“He’s coming back to us Eddie.” She says and he takes hold of the surety in her voice and clings to it. “He’s got so much to fight for.”

His throat is too tight to answer, so he just squeezes once before letting go and heading to change. She’s right. Buck has a lot to live for. Eddie’s going to spend the rest of forever making sure he knows just how much.

I’ll tag @messyhairdiaz, @elvensorceress, @paranoidbean, @ajunerose, and @onward--upward if you haven’t shared and want too.

😘!

#911 on fox #911 fic #911 speculation #911 spoilers #(maybe?)#wip wednesday #this is such a mess #I have not even begun to edit 😂

42 notes · View notes