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jtl-fics · 11 months

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Fluent Freshman - Part 16

Sweeties is very busy tonight but they get a table relatively quickly. He sees some people looking at their group all dressed in the ‘required’ attire for going out to Eden’s and reminds himself that maybe it’s for the best that people remember him tonight. It MAY help the police find his body in a shallow grave somewhere if they can piece together his last few hours.

Nicky stops by the salad bar and grabs three packs of crackers. He hands one pack to FF who just stares blankly at it before shrugging and figuring his stomach needs something so he opens the pack and just eats the crackers.

Nicky looks at him with an abundance of fondness that he doesn’t understand but shakes his head and hands a laminated menu over to him to order dinner from. “I know you’re not drinking but you still gotta take your meds before we leave.” Nicky reminds and FF nods. He reaches into his pocket to confirm that they’re there and feels something cheap and plastic.

Oh god, he forgot to take his Happy Meal Toy out of his pocket. No one needs to know that.

He shoves his hand into his other jacket pocket and the sandwich baggy with his single dose for his Ulcer is right there.

He starts to look at the menu when he realizes that everyone else already knows what they’re going to order since they apparently come here regularly. He tries his best to never be a regular at any place where they can see him and repeat his order back to him (Hello CVS girl, yes thank you for holding some Pepto for him. No he is very brand loyal and would not like to try Tums thank you.)

FF stands behind the art of the panic pick.

He has cultivated this ability over his many years of panicking. He can look at a menu and pick an item that might not be the thing he most wants on that menu it is something that he can eat or drink. Then while he has that pick queued up and ready to fly if a member of the waitstaff comes over before he’s actually read what’s on offer he has his panic pick.

A place like this has GOT to have a burger.

He finds it under the sandwich section easily enough and now he has his panic pick as he peruses the rest of the menu.

The waitress comes far faster than he had anticipated and slams waters down at each of their spots. “What can I get you?” She asks and before anyone says anything Nicky and Aaron slide over the two packets of crackers that she takes before looking at the empty packet in front of FF, “Just two?” She asks.

WHAT KIND OF CODE IS THIS?

“Just two.” Nicky says grabbing his trash and handing it over to her.

She shrugs, “Anything else on the menu I can get you boys?” She asks.

They all make their orders and Nicky, bravely, steps in to remind him he likes his burgers well done when the waitress asks.

“Sorry, I should have warned you.” Nicky laughs bumping his shoulder against FF’s “This place has this stuff called cracker dust, it gets you high but it’s not addictive.” He says.

Every single 80’s PSA goes off in FF’s head all at once.

NICKY “FLIPS TURTLES BACK ONTO THEIR FEET” HEMMICK DOES NOT LOOK LIKE HOW THE ‘JUST SAY NO’ ADS HAD SAID HE WOULD.

There’s not a trench coat! He wasn’t even wearing a hoodie with the hood up! There’s no sunglasses! Nicky had given him a baggie for his ulcer meds but IT WAS A SANDWICH BAG.

“I see.” He says out loud.

“Do you wanna try some.” Aaron asks. He double checks and yeah Aaron is still in the same club clothes he had left the house with. He has on a hoodie but the hood is down.

He does as any 80’s teen sitcom protagonist does by the end of the episode.

“No thank you.”

He thinks Mr. T would be happy that he said No. That ad had been especially nerve wracking as a kid when Mr. T ‘shakes some sense’ into the camera.

“Alright, no worries. Neil and Andrew don’t do any either.” Nicky says quickly.

The drugs come with the food and Nicky and Aaron pocket them before handing over cash to the waitress who just counts it right there. He focuses on digging into his burger and realizes it has jalapeños on it but Nicky volunteers to eat them with his nachos and lets the conversation weave around him as he polishes off his burger and takes his ulcer meds. “Oh cool, hand me the bag so I can keep our stuff in there.” Nicky makes a grabbing motion with his hands and FF just hands it over.

He zones out as he eats his fries. He wonders if Great Gran is upset watching him or if she’s happy that he said no to drugs. Maybe he should have said yes, then he could at least be blasted out of his mind when Andrew dragged him to the basement.

Well, it’s too late now.

The waitress comes and clears out their plates but picks up her notepad and pen again. “So, what ice cream do you boys want tonight?” She asks and looks straight at FF.

But FF is prepared.

Ice cream places are easy. His panic pick is a given, it’s Vanilla. Every ice cream joint has it so he barely even notices how his heart rate kicks up to 190 BPM and his palms grow instantly sweaty.

“Vanilla.”

“Sorry Hun, we’re fresh out.”

OH GOD. QUICK, SAY SOMETHING ELSE.

“Surprise me.”

NO YOU IDIOT SAY CHOCOLATE.

“Surprise you?”

RETRACT, IT’S NOT TOO LATE.

“Yeah. Surprise me.” He repeats and he can FEEL Nicky vibrating with laughter next to him.

“Alright Hun, I’ll surprise you.” She winks at him and he blinks back at her.

The rest of the table all order (They’re all normal people who order strawberry (neil), the special with chocolate (Nicky), Lemon Sorbet (Aaron), and Brownie Fudge (Andrew).

“Surprise me.” Nicky whispers to him.

“I panicked.” He whispers back.

“Yeah obviously.” Nicky snorts but pats him, “It’s fine. The worst is you might end up with Pistachio or something.” He pats FF on the back.

FF likes Pistachio and the world loves to make FF suffer.

“Here you go hun. We just got this in, it’s Mango.” She says setting down two scoops of a bright orange ice cream down in front of him, “With a little surprise.” She winks again as she sets the other ice cream down.

They all get started.

Why is the Ice Cream kind of spicy?

He eventually puzzles out that the waitress has served him a Mango and some kind of pepper (probably habanero) ice cream. She smiles when he thanks her for the surprise, tries not to let it show how much the spice is KILLING his stomach let alone the acid of the mango.

Andrew has his eyes narrowed on him and he’s sure the man doesn’t want him to make a scene at a place that seems to be a frequent haunt for the family. So he eats every last bite and ignores how his lips tingle.

“Ohhh it must have been good. Maybe we should get you her number.” Nicky says looking at his empty bowl.

“No, I’m good.” She was pretty but considering the acid currently swirling in his stomach she probably thought he was an asshole for asking for her to ‘surprise him’. Even if that wasn’t the case, what if she thought it’d be cute to serve him this spicy ice cream as a cute couple thing? His stomach can’t take that.

“Aw man you’re no fun.” Nicky pouts.

They pay for their meals and the waitress hands him his receipt with a wink. He nods back at her before shoving the receipt into his pocket next to the Megamind toy. “Have a good night.” He says.

“You too Hun.” She says.

They head out for Eden’s and in a way the ice cream is a blessing because his stomach hurts enough that he barely even notices his anxiety about being at the place where Andrew most certainly is going to stab him at least once by the end of the night.

MASTERPOST FOR ALL PARTS OF FLUENT FRESHMAN AU

Per your requests:

@i-have-three-feelings @blep-23 @dreamerking27 @andreilsmyreligion @belodensetdust @rainbowpineapplebottle @yarn-ace @iwouldlikesometea @lily-s-world @obscureshipsandchips @booklover242 @whataboutmyfries @sahturnos @pluto-pepsi @dreamerthinker @passinhosdetartaruga @leftunknownheart @aro-manita-muscaria @hologramsaredead @Chaoticgremlinswishtheycouldbeme @tntwme @tayspots @nick-scar @crazy-fangirl2524 @blue-jos10 @stabbyfoxandrew @splishsplashyouropinionistrash @sammichly @the-broken-pen @bitchesdoweknowu @very-small-flower @ghostlyboiii @its-a-paxycab @bisexual-genderfluid-fan @cheesecookie @theoneandonlylostsock @foxsoulcourt @blueleys @adverbialstarlight @elia-nna @can-i-just-stay-in-the-corner @nikodiangel @foxandcrow-inatrenchcoat @hallucinatedjosten @satanic-foxhole-court @vexingcosmos @chalilodimun @insectsgetcooked @angry-kid-with-no-money @queer-crows @lilyndra @themugglemudperson @readertodeath @apileofpillows @mortalsbowbeforeme @hellomynameismoo @next-level-mess @youreonlylow @interstellarfig @notprocrastinatingatalltoday @percyjacksonfan3 @queenofcrazy27 @bsmr261 @ghostlyscares @spencellio @adinthedarkroom @harpymoth @sufferingjustalilbit @anxietymoss @oddgreyhound @ohno-myhyperfixation-itsbroken @ken22789 @atiredvampire @isoldescorner @not--a--pipedream

The requests to be added to the tag list got spread out across a few different mediums on this one so if I missed you I swear it wasn’t malicious I’m just brunch dumb at the moment. Remind me in the replies!

As stated before if you’re up here and I spelled it right but you didn’t get a notification there might be something switched around in your settings that won’t let me tag you properly?

#fluent freshman au #I swear they're going to be at Eden's next time #The Ice Cream discourse made me laugh enough that I ended up writing about Sweetie's instead lol #The majority of you looked at my boy and saw Vanilla and you are not wrong #The Waitress: Marge those boys brought someone new and he's funny. He told me to surprise him for the ice cream flavor.#Marge (manager): Well what are you going to surprise him with?#The Waitress: Well he got the burger with Jalapenos so he must like spice. We got that new flavor in right? Can I dig into early?#Marge (Manager): sure #Andrew watching Nicky and Neil whisper and bump shoulders: I'll definitely show him the Speak Easy once Nicky and Aaron are fucked up #I would like to thank my buddy Kim for helping me workshop the most damaging ice cream flavor to FF #Originally was googling weird ones but truly few could be worse for his tummy #And he left his tried and true pepto at home. This really isn't his night #AFTG #AFTG AU #AFTG OC #AFTG Fic #AFTG shitpost #my fic #FF - PT. 16

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loganslowdown4 · 11 days

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Remus: Hey Thomas, hey, so like, what would happen, if, this is so funny, if you like just put your hand, haha, in that blender you’re using right now, huh??

Thomas: Uhhhh—

Logan: *barges in; starts spraying Remus with a spritzer like a bad cat* NO! NO! That’s a bad Remus! BAD!

Remus: *hisses* F- FUCK! okok, aaaAAHHH GOD STOP WITH THE SOAP FUCKK-

#logic come barging in spritzing intrusive thoughts away lol #this idea was just so funny to me I had to run with it #cw swearing #cw intrusive thoughts #thomas sanders #sanders sides #logan sanders #incorrect sanders sides #Remus sanders #ts logan #ts remus #c!thomas

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mochinon-yah · 8 days

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I just realized we all technically have the power to ask any questions on this site, and I never got to doing it. So....

[Points S.E.E.S evoker at you]

Who are the fictional characters you ship your mutuals to? Doesn't have to be necessarily their self-ship. I am deadass curious. Spill the tea, Imbibitor's lover—

We can lower that down, brynn- no need to get all aggressive now-

*cough* ANYWAY!

I'll list them down below, and if they're not accurate or you're actually gonna fight them rather than making out with the characters that i chose then yeah, that is probably my plan 😀 /silly

Oh and! I'll mostly be using genshin and hsr characters because yeah-

@beloved-brynn -> heizou and ratio. NGL, YOU + HEIZOU, OR YOU + RATIO, OR EVEN THE THREE OF YOU WOULD TOTALLY BE SO FUNNY AND CHAOTIC 😭☝️ they can counter your wild statements while also being the (somewhat) saner one but could also say smth wild as well. I could see you and one of em (possibly ratio) be like "oh yeah, the other day, i was eating my lunch while watching that gorey movie-" "what." "yeah, i was hungry at that time, so like why not yk-" (this is based on my real experience guys, guess which dialogue is me lmao)

@meimeimeirin -> hmmmm, koh zhongli maybe? Okay, let me tell you the reason why... it's simply because she NEEDS someone who can pamper her! I don't know where that conclusion came from, but yeah. Anyway, if we're talking about other characters, then i think welt, or even zayne from lnd could fit. Basically: "I need someone older, just a little bit colder." lmao (oh, mochi, did this conclusion came up because you know rin's the youngest in her family and now you ship her with men older (and more experienced) than her? whaatt... ofc not, haha-)

@leftdestiny-posts -> absolutely cannot see them with anyone other than dottore. Cute and kind but is secretly crazy "i want to watch the world burn" x The human version of the word 'crazy' "as you wish, my love" would be their dynamic, i suppose...? WAIT OH! I can actually see shiro with ayato or maybe sunday! I bet they would like such a cute, innocent-looking darling to control, but then they would get so surprised and maybe super interested into trying to control the darling despite how crazy the darling actually is- (shiro ily, if ur crazy then we can be crazy together 💐)

@navxry -> arlechinno, and maybe black swan. Yeah, that's it. No explanation needed.

@jessamine-rose -> hmmm, would it be weird if i say capitano? I don't know why or how did i get to that conclusion, but yeah. And maybe blade? IDK WHY I'M PARTNERING HER WITH CRAY CRAY MEN- SORRY JESS, I (subconsciously) THINK YOU CAN LIKE CALM THEM OR SMTH AJFIAWOF-

@stardust-for-your-soul -> funnily enough, i can see her with aventurine. They'll say sweet words that probably have a double meaning and also probably have a teeny tiny bit (maybe a lot lmao) of 'enemies to lovers' moment. (wow, cherry, your new bf is a gambler- /smack). But anyway, i could also see her be with march 7th who is so bubbly and sweet, and i'd think cherry would love to tease march hehe

@teabutmakeitazure -> ACTUALLY NGL DAN HENG????? He would listen to her ramblings and also help her write her fics. It just sounds so cute in my opinion lol. Other than dan heng (who is obviously the best choice), zuri would probably look into red flag charas, like... yeah, aventurine- but still tho, dan heng! But i get what zuri is thinking tho, red is such a sexy color- /smack

@harmonysanreads -> ngl alhaitham or kaeya would be cute if paired up with her! Idk where did kaeya come from, but when i thought about it, instantly "cute!". I think, harmony has this really 'weird' calming aura that could make those two charas just fell in love with how comfortamble she can make them feel. BUT LIKE IDK THO-

@fishanonishere -> Albedo...... i think? Fish, i know what you are- i mean like as in how chaotic and just how 'what in the world is this person thinking???' you are. With how calming and 'would jump into any interesting topic' he is, i think fish and him could be such a cute duo. Fish's ramblings and their drawings are some of the things that make him really interested in fish

#reli-answers : brynn <3 #LMAO I TRIED MY BEST GUYS #maybe some of this could be seen as platonic ships but think what you want!!!#i just partnered up mutuals with characters i think would fit their vibe or i think would be funny together lol #i hope you guys don't mind me shipping you like this ehehee #AND ALSO #BRYNN I SWEAR #you fit with alhaitham too #but i'm like “nah. this would be too long if i put haitham”#i would ramble more about every ships but i'm afraid it would get too chaotic and too long so i hope this counts as good answer!#and once again #i tried my best uheahkufbajk

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thatlittledandere · 2 months

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These two are funny as shit

#venlapost #sherlock holmes #john watson #letters from watson #swear to god holmes if you leave me out of this burglary i will turn you in to the police #we've been roommates for a few years wouldn't it be funny if we were cellmates next lol #i always thought i would make a good criminal; breaking into this asshole's house is like a dream come true #i love them so

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adamnsey · 1 year

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#one thing about me is that if I've seen a piece of media then I have ALSO seen the bloopers multiple times #@ succession hbo release the bloopers or I swear to GOD #anyways. my fav bloopers are the office bloopers!! they are so funny and all on youtube and I've seen them all like 20 times #followed by community bloopers are super funny #bloopers are especially great when they are for shows that are not at first glance funny #like hannibal bloopers r funny #THE BREAKING BAD BLOOPERS ARE SO GOOD go watch them omg..... brian cranston is so cool it sucks that he plays the worst guy ever #and aaron paul and his relationship is just really sweet #i fucking love bloopers so much and every show/movie should be required by Law to release their bloopers #tell me ur fav bloopers in tags if you've read this far lol :)#succession #the office #community #tv #film #memes #doctor who #mine #spongebob memes #spongebob meme #spongebob squarepants #humour #humor

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synthshenanigans · 4 months

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Finally has been a full year since I started listening

Fuckin hate that guy eugh

#/j #but anyway I've finally been jashing for a year #i wasn't fully kidnapped into it yet but by like dec 20th-23rd i had his VoaC cover on loop #which was annoying to do cos there was no spotify & the youtube app wouldn't let me loop videos #so everytime i finished the song i had to reset the vid myself #my sanity was truly saved by these songs being on Spotify #same goes for his moss cover too #bro of i had last.fm then i would have SO much more counts for those two songs #the bidding too #oh fun fact. i made a very rough sketch of an OC of mine using his TME video & HMS ideas in general #but i was stupid apparently an swapped heart & souls colors which looks cursed now to me #also whats funny is that ibis paint says i started the art on Mar 1st. Which is literally the day before TfaR & TMR an the rest came out #good timing me lol #i need to stop ranting sm in these tags i swear #chonny jash #moss post #hey jash what if you like. post the next power hour today. gift for listening for like 82000 minutes or whatever my Spotify wrapped was /j #don't actually i wanna sleep #speaking of. I should go do that. its like 3am rn

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normalbrothers · 1 month

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TOMMY: Gentlemen, this is your cousin.

#arthur does a social blunder ..#setting this aside his jovial teasing of her about her one night stand is very funny; brother behaviour #peaky blinders #tvedit #peakyblindersgifs #tv #mother make me tremble ....#i swear i'll make better polly/michael sets but t*rrenting is so slow on me computer and i had to get this out of my system #incest / implied anyway lol #the men polly has an actual invested romantic relationship with (reuben and aberama) don't look like michael at all though #we know that the late mr gray looked like this however #but it's notable that both flings are much younger than her

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helpimtrappedinthetextbox · 5 months

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Alright

*rubs hands together*

Time to talk about my Just Roll With It: The Suckening Theory about Shilo and Emizel

Fair warning? Spoilers for those who haven't listened yet and mildly unhinged thought process pulling apart really small details

Please know I've chewed on these for so long, it's like the piece of gum Violet has in Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory

Don't believe it cuz it hasn't been explicitly stated? Dunno how to help you there, simply a Dumbass Moment™

First and foremost, let's simply get it out of the way, yes, they're twins

Imma be focusing more on the situation surrounding them being where they are and who they're with

Base Work:

All of these theories revolve around it not simply being a one night stand type thing, that the parents met somewhere, were together romantically for a while then ended up having kids either accidentally or intentionally

Theory 1: Divorced Family of Four

Basically a Parent trap type situation goin' on here, Parents get in a fight, twins separated at birth, they meet when they're older, and if the podcast is going a more humor based route, maybe getting the parents back together

Personally, I'd score it a 4.8/10, giving points for the humor aspect, but seems unlikely due to how the queen was keeping tabs on Emizel but Jeffery didn't seem to recognize Shilo

Theory 2: Temporary Living Situation

Essentially, when the twins were born, seeing that one was more predominately either Human or Vampire but they couldn't safely raise them in the same household, for fear of the other side being exposed to their respective society

So the plan was to raise them in their own worlds, then when they were fully grown up they'd introduce them to each other, and give Emizel the option to join Vampire society, Jeffery probably will also Turn when Emizel does

Rating this one a 6.3/10, does g really explain when the mom didn't want Shilo to talk about the stuff, again, Jeffery not recognizing Shilo, the mom not reaching even though theyre both adults (at least by human standards)

Theory Three: Uncle Dad

This one takes a bit of a different take. Alright, so starting off, Jeffery isn't the actual Dad, he's the twin brother of the Dad. Now, you may think that specific connection is random, however I promise it's not. Twins is a genetic trait, in order for twins to be born it has to come from one side of the family, in this case, the dad's side. However, I think the dad and Jeffery weren't in contact, or at least not in constant contact. Not a malicious thing but more of an 'talking didn't take priority' type deal. Now, I don't think the dad is still alive for this to work, he probably died a short while after the twins were born.

After the dad died, the mom didn't have the ability to keep up with both twins, one being a human child that she wouldn't have a clue where to start with, thus she reached out to the brother, whom the father would have mentioned a few times probably. Probably explaining as much as she could without giving away the whole Vampire thing. She asked him to raise Emizel. And she did it in a way that would allow him to live a completely normal human life. She gave up seeing her son ever again so that he could have a happy human life. Which would be why she kept constant tabs on him, to make sure he was still safe and alive. Which would be why she didn't want Shilo to look into it or even mention it. Which was why she was crying when Shilo was leaving the castle in his Frenzy, because she lost the love of her unlife and her son in quick succession.

It would also explain why Jeffery didn't recognize Shilo, because he didn't know Shilo existed. Or the Queen would have had to mention why she was able to keep one child but not both, or at least why she couldn't keep both children in her side of the family.

This theory has a rating of 8.7, it seems the most likely as far as the two episodes have presented so far, but there's no telling if it'll hold up for the rest of The Suckening. I personally think that with the evidence we have now it'd be quite the interesting turn and would explain some of the odd plot holes of "Jeffery not recognizing Shilo" and Condi's mention of "a few months after birth" in regards to how long Emizel has known Jeffery, which was quite interesting.

Not Theory related, but if Grethgor isn't alive after what happened at the end of 2, bc I don't trust that Sheriff as far as I can throw him, I'mma be screaming, crying, throwing up, because how the Sheriff worded it made it seem like the order stayed the same but worded different to appease Shilo.

Also, shout out to @cant-think-to-save-my-life for listening to my theories, even the unhinged ones, and listening to me be hysterical when I'm having a new theory, and also when I'm hysterical about if Grethgor is alive or not, put up with a lot out me, but they signed up for it to be fair ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

#just roll with it spoilers #jrwi spoilers #just roll with it the suckening #jrwi the suckening #jrwi suckening #jrwi show #jrwi emizel #emizel tucker #shilo bathory #jrwi shilo #can you tell i cant remember the name of the sheriff or the queen lol?#also soda is so funny. hes just a silly goofy guy. who now is having a crisis about not wanting soda #im only mildly unhinged i swear #grethgor is baby and no one can convince me otherwise #also shilo is just a pathetic wet puppy who just wants to be taken home in his little box #shilo can do no wrong and im deaf to any arguments otherwise #just roll with it

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