#this is so bad but its been like 2 months since i wrote smth | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

furymint · 5 months

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2023 Creator Reflection

ffxiv.

1. dance me to the end of love

this one was fun! i always like merging a character's outfit with the bg so i liked doing that again. picking the colors for elliots outfit was also enjoyable. ive wanted to make smth w that cover for a while

2. shame was still the tyrant of his life

i only wrote two nol and eli things this year and neither of them are finished. the first was a continuation of a scene where nol kisses elliot against the blue stained glass in his room--i once posted it but then i deleted it bc it made me feel woozy for its allusions to sex. i wanted to rebuild it and take a shot at it now that im comfortable writing n reading sex, but i never got very far. theres actually lots of nice parts! i just like nols dumb angsting the best!

3. valentine

i really wanted to focus on nol's eye here, but also not make it too obvious lol. i used a ps filter like a schmuck but i wanted it to be darker without making it even more difficult to see, so i took away their bodies and limited the colors to make it what it is.

4. amateur cracksmen

the second nol n eli wip, which doesnt have many interesting lines rn, was a raffles-inspired story where eli drags nol as his valet to a rival artist's house and tries to steal back the brooch that he bought from an underground dealer feat. much babbling abt the state of societal responsibility that war is supposed to bring

ffxvi.

1. herz an herz dir

i wrote some reflections about this one already here. i honestly was very (distressed voice) cant believe im writing pure fanfic for the first time in over ten years and lacked a lot of direction when i started bc uhhhhh terence has 8 and a half mins of screen time. i tried to convince myself that it's not much different than me stealing brucemont for my own evil devices, but the unique perspective of seeing quite so much fan content def influenced my interpretation. i wanted their relationship to be much more imbalanced from the get-go initially--dion using his power unintentionally and terence barely passing a thought abt it until later bc he's just so accustomed to obeying--but i ended up giving terence a lot more sway & ammunition in their argument. the breakfast bed thing is also smth im rly fond of.

2. mund an mund

there's also additional meta for this one here. i made a silly doodle abt it also. dion kept picking fights here! it honestly turned out how i expected. when i first started this fic, i was gonna have dion start out right in oriflamme and meet ter and kihel there, but i booted them to northreach so i could have this stretch of conflict. i think it's like. Bad Pacing. technically. if i still believe the conflict introduced in the next chapter is the core one, that is. which i sorrrrta do. but i dont care bc i rly like the visual of kihel laying in dion's lap and getting to put a gun on the wall w ahmed.

3. eines atems

its been two months since the last chapter and this chapter is humiliatingly not written. i have all my scrambled notes and scenes that i jotted down in between the first two chapters, so i have a full direction, but it's been really difficult to write lately. ive been devoting all my time to trying to recoup my mental health and work on my teredio secret santa. ill start next year with this wip as a priority, so for now i only have the photoshop edit for it. kihel is holding terence's hand--it's his pov turn.

overall i didnt like this year very much. i didn't read, create, research or do a lot even though i tried to. i became really disconnected from all of my friends bc im too tired to stay for rp or hold online conversations. at this point, i dont play ffxiv at all except the few times i managed to rp a little. i moved into nanny's house and have my own space, but don't have the presence of mind to do anything about my pc, books, and so on, although i did make a lot of progress rewrapping my books w fresh wraps and some other things. my plans for next year are to reach out to a couple of my friends, build my pc, relearn + rebuild + relaunch my queer lit blog on open source code, survive school, and rediscover the productivity ive lost the past few years.

teredio has helped me a LOT to find community, inspiration, and art in my loneliest year yet. im very proud of my fic and grateful every day to the ppl who have reached out to me about liking it. even if im sorry about my productivity rate in comparison to how many extraordinary writers there are in the ship's fandom, i know i have to be easy on myself to relearn how to write, create a writing schedule that works for me, and stop punishing myself when i cant get the words out.

past reflections: 2017 | 2018 | 2019 | 2020 | 2021 | 2022

#ngl writing this out made me feel like #i reopened a lot of grief about my ability to work and create #and i need to walk away from it before i cry even more lol #thank u to my fc for still being the place #i love to visit when i wake up #even though all of us a struggling a lot #with life and ingame motivation #brianna babbles

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irl · 3 months

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like i been thnkn abt that anon n tht poem n stuff n lik idk man

its jus a culmination of my life n my choices n i honestly n truly n jus?? genuinely believe its how ppl shld behave n its actually rly baffling to me whn people dont and its hard to wrap my head arnd the justifications. and even then im learning more and more every day. like it never stops ykno?? im gonna look back at todays me a year from now n b like man.. im glad i grew from those things

ive been treated in my life with such. despairing inhumanity. from people i loved and from people i didnt even know. ive seen and experienced so many horrible awful things that if i wrote a book, people might want to toss it in the fiction section, ykno?? like. its just been a lot, and its been deeply wounding, literally all my life almost. it wasnt until the past couple yrs that i even started to get to more stable situations and learn how to breathe and exist as a human

and when i was trying to learn how to be an actual real human? as a 24 year old adult? basing myself off of all of my life experience? i was left with basically 2 options

1. wallow, the world has hurt me for a quarter of a century, i cant find it in me to trust anything or anyone, and im going to make it everyone elses problem because why shouldnt i, i deserve it. this is what a lot of people do when they get to this place. it started when i found out my dad died because of government and capital greed, and hell, just last year i had lit cigarette butts thrown at my face constantly and was hatecrimed twice in less than 8 months along with everything else. i deserve to reflect that back

2. learn how to live and be kind. the world hurt me for a quarter of a century, but also i survived it and it wasnt without help. even if i was in the trenches, i still met wonderful people who helped to lift me out sometimes. why not become that person for everyone else? humanity is at our core, and there are people worth fighting for because my love for them is worth fighting for. i deserve to reflect that back

my fight to be better for myself and be better for the people around me has been an ongoing one! its always filled with learning and figuring things out! and i will ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS!! make mistakes. and so will you. ive been fighting for this since i realized i deserved to be treated better when i was like 20 or smth n started the actual work to try and get better

i wasnt always a good person, and even good people have bad moments. but you learn, youll always be learning. im always learning how to be kinder and gentler to the world, and fighting for what i believe in

my aim will always be to fight to help, i want to help, i want to be able to support.

#txt #uslly id put smth lik this all n th tags cos im jus ramblin n reflectin #but it was 2 long 4 th tags #n idk how to do readmore on mobile #whoopsie #sorry

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beautifulpersonpeach · 1 year

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Ive been following the smkakaohybe drama since you wrote your post abt it and its so crazy like a real lief drama 😭😭 i dont work in corporate so i didnt know that shit could get like this lmao is it always this dramatic??? like the sm ceo dude really released a two part video now like youtubers do when they want to “tell their truth” lmaolmao i feel like sm ceo dude really is scrambling bec this is so unprofessional??? like lsm the dude who started all this mess is doing better than him just releasing written statements lmao are the videos supposed to help with the shareholders or its just for public pr??? the ceo threatening bang to release a record lf their phone call??? in Public??? as an outsider the whole thing is lookin more and more like a petty family squabble on thanksgiving bw the two sm parties and kakao and hybe are the unsuspecting partners dragged into it unknowingly or smth lmao

but fr tho i feel like hybe bit more than they can chew bec this has gotten a lot messier than people could possibly have thought last week lol i feel bad for the employees and artists tho bec whether its hybe or kakao things are gonna change and maybe therell be firings too

***

Ask 2: the pink blood shit is wild tho like it sounds like a cult lmao i know armys joke abt being purple blooded but the pink blood is wild to me bec imagine stanning lsm and sm as a company stan 😭 what the hell is happening over there there might be smth in the water???

Ask 3: That video was interesting for so many reasons. But the most surprising thing was the breakdown in ticket pricing between sm groups and hybe. Was that supposed to be a drag for hybe?

***

Hi Anon(s),

I really have nothing else to add beyond what I've said already, except to use what Anon in Ask 3 says as a good example.

(Screengrab from SM video seen on my Twitter)

The whole video made me laugh, but this slide alone shows how much of a joke that company under Chris Lee's management is, because this slide is a class in manipulation 101.

I'm not sure if I have to spell this out, but pricing is a function of demand and supply. And if the disaster that was KAMP LA 2022 (k-pop's Fyre Festival scandal) didn't show the vast disparity in perceived and actual demand for mostly SM groups, if the brouhaha over Hybe's merch pricing didn't do that either, then the fact most analysts comp HYBE against Tencent, Warner Brothers and UMG, rather than SM or YG, should have settled this debate months ago. And this is aside from the fact that in this slide, SM quotes HYBE's VIP pricing against SM's regular ticket prices...

Like, y'all, how can you blame me for laughing?

This whole thing is pure entertainment so I suggest you just nod, smile, and wave.

#hybe #sm entertainment #kpop industry #kpop

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vanillacherrycola · 1 year

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CATCH UP!

ANYWAYS, JESUS SM TO CATCH YOU GUYS UP ON! okay so first, i got into eng lit and i'm no longer taking physics (since the beginning of november lols). Dr p was shocked that i was leaving esp since i was alr two months into the course lols. but anyways I MADE IT INTO MR S CLASS!!1 anyways yeah so i've been in his class for some time now but like smth happened last thursday. basically, i was very suicidal ngl and we had to write an essay and i was like breaking down or whatever so i didn't write anything. i mean like i wrote an intro but i scribbled it out. anyways sir spotted me and was like 'can i speak to you outside' and then we went outside the classroom and he was talking to me and i literally did not say anything to him. he was being so nice and caring and even spoke to me again at the end of the lesson / after the lesson and i said absolutely nothing to him. he was trying to reassure me about the whole essay and everything but like i crave academic validation so it was just going in one ear out the other. ANYWAYS TODAY! i've felt soo guilty about what happened on thursday i was literally dying to apologise to him - i felt so sick the whole day thinking about him. i was literally so shaky i felt so bad. so i made it my mission to finish the essay by lunch even though it was due this thursday, i felt like i had to make it up to him. so when lunch came around i immediately went to his classroom (i asked my hist teacher to check where he was session 2 cause this guy is impossible to track down). i say immediately but it was really cause i waited for the pips to ring so his class would be gone. ANYWAYS, i entered his room and he seemed happy to see me, i immediately apologised. he was all like 'you have nothing to be sorry for' and stuff like that but i reinforced my apology. i then gave him the essay and i was like 'its terrible' and then he reassured me again, talking about the critic in my head and how i need to shut it up. he's literally so sweet i hate him. he then was talking about the friday catch up sessions - OH YEAH I'VE BEEN DOING ONE ON ONE (well kinda theres another girl there but she's just there for my support) SESSIONS W HIM AFTER SCHOOL - he was like if you feel like you dont need them anymore then thats fine so i said to him 'i'll see on tuesday' (i lowk need the sessions like i have no confidence with the content). i left shortly after and he was like 'thank you for coming to see me'. i hate him, he is way too cute.

#tc #teacher crush #female student #tcc #tc feelings #tc confessions #teachercrush #male teacher #tc community

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caleiiiii · 4 years

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mcytbers as subway workers because i work at subway and i said so

i wrote this all at like 1 am im sorry

subway terminology (at least where i work)

waste out -means an item cant, or isnt, being sold, like overbaked cookies or expired milk. gets written down on a list for tax returns or smth

freezer pulls -pulling items from the freezer to the walk in fridge so they can thaw for the upcoming days

POS system -the software used for ringing up food, has a bunch of options per type of sandwich

generally 2 shift rotations , each one has a shift lead which is ur main opener or closer

characters

dream

makes sandwiches so fast.

how ???

he wraps the sandwiches immaculately as well

definitely a main closer

george

just. disappears during a rush

only to be found two hours later STILL doing dishes

dream and sapnap are not pleased.

sapnap

convinces dream to waste out bread for him so he can eat it

gives ppl he likes free cookies

terrible at wrapping sandwiches

tommy

always works with wilbur and tubbo. always.

he HATES freezer pulls but if he has to he can be seen SPRINTING between the freezer and the fridge

also bad at wrapping sandwiches

does all the online orders for tubbo because he cant read them well

tubbo

loves to bake the bread and cookies

got a complaint once because he read an online order wrong so tommy always does them

hates ringing people up but loves to make the sandwhiches

technoblade

only works like 1 shift a week but its the most goddamn productive shift of anyone.

always makes sure they are selling potato soup when hes working

another main closer

wilbur

always controls the radio in the store

always works with tubbo and tommy, drives them to work

bribes others so he doesnt have to do the dishes

main opener

philza

the manager

super chill about scheduling

turns a blind eye to people “accidently” dropping cookies and wasting them out

niki

a goddess at baking the bread and cookies

never burns anything ever

everybody wants to work with her shes so nice

fundy

is really good at ringing those ppl up with 28372 coupons

horrible at making sandwiches tho

the only one that knows how to fix the soda machine when it breaks

quackity

always gets asked to translate the writing on the boxes since its in spanish 95% of the time

loves stocking the milk cooler so he can take home the expired sodas n shit

always forgets to remind customers when stuff costs extra

schlatt

that one transfer from another store that does everything

slightly wrong.

its been long enough now that he should know better but nobody wants to correct him.

eret

has tons of pins on his hat, 10/10

really good at making the wraps

always says hello when customers enter

karl

the new hire

immediately taken under sapnaps wing, much to the chagrin of dream

much more bread is now wasted out.

bbh and skeppy

regulars that are just. always there

they know all the employee gossip and get discounts on food

phil is .5 seconds away from asking them if they want a job

normal shift schedules

wilbur, tommy, tubbo (day shift)

dream, george, sapnap (night shift)

eret, niki, fundy (day shift)

technoblade, quackity, schlatt (night shift)

karl mainly works with the dteam, but jumps around

random things

the cookie incident

once tubbo accidently overbaked like 2 dozen cookies

so he and tommy ate all of them during their shift

they did not come into work the next day.

dream and techno rivalry

dream and technoblade have a rivaly about who can close and leave the store the quickest

eventually they decide to time themselves and race eachother on their respective shifts

techno wins with a time of 3 minutes before theyre officially allowed to close.

they both get yelled at by phil

technoblade’s only mistake

the only mistake technoblade has made ever was accidently leaving the bread cabinet open overnight

wilbur, tubbo, and tommy find it in the morning and have to throw all the bread out

tommy and tubbo split the bread and each leave with a garbage bag full of subway bread

wilbur still wont let techno live it down.

hacker things

once fundy hacked the POS system to give him a 100% discount

used it for about a month before someone (quackity) accidently pressed the option and snitched to phil

luckily, he just sighed and reset the system

cookie dough

wilbur comes up with the idea to pop raw cookie dough in the microwave and eat it half baked

phil comes in one day only to make -direct eye contact- with tommy as he and tubbo lick cookie dough off of some deli paper

allows it to happen as long as they pay for the dough

subway garlic bread

on a really slow day niki and eret are goofing off and create

~subway garlic bread~

it instantly becomes a secret menu favourite among employees and regulars

the bet

once skeppy bet quackity and schlatt that they wouldnt start a fake argument during rush hour

skeppy recorded the whole thing

technoblade can be seen in the backround silently making sandwiches as quackity and schlatt scream at eachother about if quackity has a “flatty patty”

phil tries to be mad but sees all the tips they made and lets is slide

sacrifices

george is the one always sacrificed to deal with the crabby middle aged moms

its his punishment for not helping during the rush.

torture

sometimes for fun wilbur takes his meal break right before the dinner rush

tommy stares at him in fury the whole time.

betting pool

none of the employees can tell if bbh and skeppy are dating

its to the point that they keep a betting chart on a white board next to the “top failure of the week” spot

subway ghost

after a few freak instances wilbur is positive that the subway is haunted and convinces phil to let him do a séance after hours

he manages to convince half the staff that the store is haunted

(the ghost is drista or smth idk aksjdhajk)

top failure of the week

a tally on the white board in the back room of who dropped/wasted out thw most items

sapnap has the record top failure of the week, dropping a total of 42 loaves of bread in a week

schlatt got put on the board once. never again.

enamel pins

tubbo finds a enamel pin of a bee that he puts on his visor

its not technically allowed but phil lets him do it anyway :)

bandanas

tommy and tubbo take subway bandanas from the back room and initial them before trading with eachother

nobody comments that theyre not technically allowed to have a hat and a bandana

the war

at some point a rivalry breaks out between the day staff

wilbur, tommy, tubbo, niki, eret, and fundy

and the night staff

dream, sapnap, george (techno, karl, schlatt, and quackity stay out of it)

what starts out tame eventually leads to workers purposely messing up stuff for the next shift to deal with, like not stocking the fridge or mopping the floor

at some point eret switches to the night shift

the day shift does not take it well.

after about 2 weeks phil is forced to step in as the store quality starts to go downhill

he closes the store for a day and makes everyone clean it u

techno watches from outside the windows with a bag of popcorn

pogway

tommy starts placing the stickers they use to wrap sandwiches everywhere with the words “pogway” on them

everyone can tell its his handwriting but no one can catch him placing the stickers

phil even checked the cameras, still no trace of him

subway gun

sometimes tommy goes around spraying others with a spray bottle full of water used on the bread

he calls it the “subway gun”

wilbur gets fed up hides it in the freezer overnight

thats all for now! if i come up with anything else i might add it lol

EDIT PART 2 IS NOW OUT

#mcyt #mcyt au #tommyinnit #wilbur soot #tubbo #philza #technoblade #dreamwastaken #georgenotfound #sapnap #karl jacobs #niki nihachu #fundy #eret #quackity #jschlatt #mcyt subway au

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iitsfriday · 4 years

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ayooooo! so, this is friday (frida, if you like), a geumseong senior and **your** very. own. quidditch commentator!!! she’d technically be starting the semester late (by one month) as she ran off to frolic in the magical rainforests of australia over the summer and wham! bam!! was bit by a magical creature (rip) within the 1st month and shipped off to st mungos for three months where she then fell in “deeply” in love with the nurse treating her but had to break things off when she was discharged/came back for school bc what good is a bf you can’t hug!! :( ff NOW present day, she’s trying to lose her 4kg breakup weight (rip^2) and keep up with her self imposed boy-ban till she gets her hot girl summer bod back (ik it’s fall but like work with me here).

currently, she’s in her fourth year as a wandmaking major/magical creatures minor (not including the first two years where she flip flopped between potions and aurology) — but uh yeah, this is totally what she wants to be for the rest of her life!! fr this time.

oofie that was really long but you can read more about her +some plots under the cut but first HERE is her profile! smash the like if you’re into plotting!!!

bio tldr; (not me going tldr like i wrote a bio to begin with)

was born into this world as a means to keep her dad from leaving them, but evidently that wasn’t good enough since dad left when she was ~6 and her brother was 3 anyway.

mom’s a pretty witch, so never found trouble in remarrying—thing is she has incredibly bad luck, so from then on it has been a trail of broken hearts, marriages, half siblings, step siblings etc + moving around a lot (from seoul to nz, england etc)

kid friday really watched it all go down but took nothing from the example her mom set (to do better, live smarter yk) and instead only took on the must be loved, must find love bits (till she chickens out because anything too real is kinda :) Scary!)

anyway, she was enrolled in hogwarts after mom remarried (as a ravenclaw, actually) and graduated with a small trail of broken hearts in her wake as well (like mother like daughter)

currently in her last year at mokseong and living it up! (ish)

anyway onward to the juicy bits—

friday kang??? big ole freak flirt. for the 4 years she’s been here, she has never been single for longer than a month.

thinks she’s number one in dating/flirting (all tricks and hacks, need advice?? she’s ur girl!) but she doesn’t know too much about love (ofc)

romantic at heart, though she tends to be incredibly fickle, falls in and out of “love” way too quickly (or she’s just scared of the Real Thing yk)

little bit tactless, very much so thick-skinned — sometimes ur just not sure if she doesn’t get it bc she doesn’t get or bc she’s ignoring it

bit sensitive, can and will a) cry or b) bitch or c) both depending on the situation, though rlly only applies to close friends/s/os (she’s clingy/touchy too)

loves to eat sweets, visits aesthetic cafes frequently

since she dated a muggle that one time she ended up making an instagram and now she’s getting a hefty amt of followers who knew???

unrelated but she likes them tol uwu bc they give the best hugs (very comfy to sink into 🤗)

loves learning new things, a total keener. has tried out for every sports team just for the hell of it (did get into any but, you know, thats okay too)

currently on the look out for select ointments to get rid of the scar on below her knee from that little incident in aus (looks haphazard, blue-like, has a sheen to it; akin to a giant vein or smth like that)

connections

EXES (this is obv tho but it doesn’t hv to be anything too serious, went on couple dates etc but if u want saucy ex plots… im ur girl)

FWB that didnt end up as just fwb bc she highly romanticizes any chance and it didn’t work out and now yall aren’t really even friends anymore

BEST FRIEND/GIRL GANG plsplspls she needs to be dragged back to reality like twice a week

CRUSHES one sided???? but never found the chance bc shes alw taken? pls? or vice versa and they’ll always be her maybe *looks off wistfully*

STEP SIBS…. please - can be former or current (whichever)

HALF SIBS ,, , possibly one or two, if anyone is into it. very likely when mom had her heartbroken she just left with friday (to hell with the rest of her kids) so angst? mb?

ENEMIES she’s too flirty and its annoying :-(

ANYTHIING ELSE im open to anything so throw me all your saucy!!!!

#intro.#tw weight #tw diet

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dolphin-enthusiast · 4 years

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bună seara, dragă mea 🌹🌜✨ ahh i hope i wrote that correctly,, another romanian friend of mine taught me that haha, he teaches me romanian phrases in exchange for me teaching him bits of italian ☀ ah, so much to address no? well, i'll just start off by saying i wasn't expecting my friend to expose my problems like that,, i'm not mad at all, just surprised. let me first say that i am okay as of writing this. i have eaten and hydrated and have been taking naps all day, i am stable. (1/9)

"my older brother and other siblings have been taking good care of me, and two of my friends came to sneak me out of the house for a bit and bought me food. so i am fairly calm right now (2/9)

now then, about that person, it was just some texts i woke up to that caught me off guard, my friends are apparently planning to go after this person, even though i insisted on not making this a big deal, and frankly i didn't wanna worry you all either, i feel bad when i do. (3/9)

sadly i hear a lot of horrid things directed at me on a daily basis, so this is quite ordinary and there's not much i can do about it, i cope by trying to stay positive for others and be as kind/loving as i can since i usually don't have people to treat me that way, you're quite the exception, what i thought of as a stupid question blossomed into something i could never imagine, and i was shocked to see how everyone, including you, took to me quite quickly (and not in a joking way either) (4?/9)

i'm not used to it at all, so i mean it from the bottom of my heart when i say that everything you guys say and do means the world to me, i get overwhelmed with positive emotion when you all treat me so sweetly, i truly couldn't ask for anything more. that being said, i wasn't planning to open up about my mental health on this account (since i don't wanna talk about these dark subjects when trying to brighten other's days),, (5/9)

but i guess it's warranted now so hopefully you all can understand me better and not worry as much, i suffer from multiple mental illnesses, two different depressive disorders, an anxiety disorder, and body dysmorphia, some from genetics and others from trauma. i try to keep it on the down-low to not bring down anyone's moods, so i be as cheerful as i can. i'm professionally treated for it, so please don't fret. it really went downhill during the start of this pandemic and declined since (6/9)

i was absolutely miserable, and having dealt with many s*icid*l tendencies, self hatred, and lots of destructive habits, i was truly falling apart my sister introduced me to your blog sometime in january, and even though i did not have a tumblr, i still greatly enjoyed checking it everyday with her and requesting things from time to time, it's a nice escape from the world i live in, and after months of checking your blog, i decided to interact a bit more with that silly ask of mine. (7/9)

it really is a miracle that we formed such a bond, it's truly the best thing to have happened this year, i love having such a meaningful connection and getting to experience some positivity everyday i am completely serious when i say that you and the followers give me something to look forward to everyday, and you all have helped me to stay a little longer on this planet. i owe you all so much for that, so i still plan on popping up everyday to cheer you all up,, (8/9)

i could never thank you all enough, you all truly do mean the world to me 💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗 i can't wait to come back tomorrow with something more lighthearted, so please keep being extraordinary, because i'd hate to lose connection with any of you - from the bottom of my heart and soul, with much love, your local waifu xoxo 💘 ps: i can't wait to hopefully meet someday morgy darling, there's lots i'd love to do, so that's another reason for me to stay alive a little longer 💞 (9/9)"

Dear this is quite alot so i'll just start by saying that im flattered u greeted me in romanian😳✌️ i dont wanna pull a ghiaccio but although dragă does exist in this context it would be more like "bună seara dragA mea" but it really doesnt matter bc my wig is snatched and i was n o t expecting this ddhxhddj

Trivial matters aside, you shouldnt feel pressured into opening up on here even though some things surfaced but you did it nonetheless and im proud of u bc i myself would rather y e e t than talk abt myself and personal issues🤡🤡🤡 but aNywAyS let me start off by saying that again, you shouldnt get used to horrid things being said to u. Its fucking tragic that u get treated like this meanwhile all u do is be kind and care for others, but them treating u like that is entirely THEIR fault and u should never feel guilty for it. And keep telling others if shit happens (including us if u want) since we're all gonna do some good ol' as whooping @ the ppl that talk shit😤👋

I wont reveal much but just so you know i completely understand what you're going through and felt what you described in ur letter on a spiritual level, although i know just saying "i relate" doesnt really help. Its unfortunate and unfair ur goin thru this and yes i agree the pandemic did only worsen things (even for myself) and its really shitty🗿🗿im glad u at least had siblings that took care of u and made sure u felt better in no time doe

As always seeing u say that me and my blog cheered u up and motivated u to go on truly is smth like...w o w i never expected any of this to have such a major impact on anyone when i first made this blog as half of a joke lmao hdhxxhdj but im glad it helped u and other ppl so that means i'll just have to keep on running it😳😳😳 you really dont have to thank us for anything since we enjoy brightening up ur day and i have to ageee it IS a miracle how all of this came to be but thats exactly why its goddamn wig snatching ahsydjdkf

Also bro to say u have another reason to stay alive just to meet me....😞😞 Take care of urself bro

#im so fucking terrible with talking abt issues and emotions skshxhxhx #but i never expected anyone to say they had a reason to live bc of me and my blog so it made me🗿#fr like i cannot comprehend fjdhdx #bruh u better hang on in there cuz we finna goin to the 40th dimension together soon😳#the confessional

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dead-thorin · 4 years

Text

some nice things happened this week. Wednesday was the department’s finals and i was rushing around and at one point i got to my desk and there was a gift. My friend got me smth for christmas and in the card she wrote consider this a birthday, christmas, thanks for everything u do for me gift and it was a chicken ornament :’)

On thursday one of the TAs brought his 7 month old daughter in and i got to hold her and she was literally so adorable. At one point, after she stopped being fascinated by the tree, she started getting upset bc she couldnt see her dad so my boss, who was holding her, walked to the copy room to show her where he was and she immediately stopped crying. Also, he’s a really funny and chill parent like idk how to describe it. She was wearing a jacket with the hood having like dinosaur scales on it and he and my boss took it off her so she wouldnt overheat. I helped him put it back on her and he, very calmly, was like and she doesnt like putting on clothes so shes going to go into a rampage. And as he strapped her to his chest and put on his own jacket he once again very calmly was like and shes gonna get overheated and go into a rampage again. he also joked about how toned and fit he was getting bc she likes it when he holds her in his hands and does squats bc of the movement

Three faculty members are expecting kids soon, with one of them being actually pregnant. I made them baby blankets and last week I started giving them to them. The one who is pregnant was like omg thats ridiculously sweet jordan im gonna cry and gave me a hug 😭Another one whos wife is expecting in early january thanked me and was a little awkward bc hes the type who doesnt know how to receive gifts, which like same. Today I ran into them as my friend and i walked into the supermarket and they were leaving. My friend saw them first and said hi and i noticed afterwards and was like hey! And his wife was like Oh! he made the blanket right? And when he confirmed she was like omg thank you so much that was so nice!!! I havent had the chance to make you a thank you card yet!! Also on Thursday i gave the last blanket and i didnt know how this guy was going to react bc hes very... stereotypically math. He hardcore cant make eye contact, he doesnt make conversation unless strictly necessary, and hes very awkward, nervous, and anxious. Over the semester I noticed that hes gotten better and like he still is nervous when talking but he talks a bit more and he makes way more eye contact. So I gave him the blanket and he was like ??? and i was like oh its a baby blanket! And he was like whos giving it??? and I was like Me? I made it for you since youre expecting a kid and he was like omg??? and he was super happy omg and we talked a little bit about it bc this is his first kid and he said he and his wife were a little bit nervous bc they didnt have family around since shes from china and hes from switzerland and i was like yeah but most of the people here have had kids so i think theyll help and he was like yeah but its still a little bit nerve wracking and i was like true true. He also was liek volunteering information instead of just strictly answering the question and idk this was the most hes spoken with me and it was super nice and pleasant. im really hoping i can see baby pics next semester

Yesterday there was an end of semester party and i was hoping to spend at the most like an hour there since there were apparently gonna be a TA or 2 who didnt like me there and i just wanted to chat with a friend who graduated and one who was leaving next week. So I stayed there until 2am about and then we moved to the guy whos leaving’s house and stayed there until 4am and it was super chill. Most of the TAs were drunk too which was funny. But the highlight for me was that I got to chat with one of them who I only had a little bit of conversation with from time to time at the office and we talked for most of the party and it was super nice. He’s trying to find a job in the southeast bc his family lives there and we were talking with a TA and she mentioned like the perfect job position for him because its a good location and what he wants to do. It opened like 2-3 days ago? SO i took out my phone and started writing an email to him and asked her to repeat the job title and he was like what are you going to send this information to everyone? and i was like no? Im emailing it to you because youre at least a little drunk right now and might forget so this will be a reminder so u have this info later and can apply and he was like omg ur so nice and gave me like a bear hug. Also the guy who is leaving gave me a hug when i left his house and during the night he mentioned that i was invited to his wedding next year so thats cool.

TAs have gotten exam results and one of them called me upset about it and we talked about it and she feels better about it now. At one point she was like Jordan youre so nice omg and i was like thanks i try and we talked for over an hour and it was nice.

Yesterday i decided to take out my helix piercings because its been over 6 months (closer to 7 or 8 I think?) and they have had a bump on them since Ive gotten them. The hole is already closed and the bump is going down so thats good! It wasnt a lot of money and I might get it repierced but idk bc that was one of the more painful piercings and its annoying to soak. The rest of them are doing p well except my nostril has a little bump/scar? on it but hopefully thatll go away and it doesnt look bad.

I got to pet 3 cats and 2 dogs this week and my friend gave me a jumpsuit that doesnt fit him! Hopefully next semester we can go to a club or smth and I can wear that.

#post from the blogger

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ts-autumns-world · 3 years

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Episode 1: “Autumn you are a crazy fucked up host” - Giraffez

AHHHHHHH AUTUMNS WORLD HI!!!!!! THIS CAST IS AMAZING IM SO EXCITED AND SCARED!!! JINX YES!! AND 4 KILI PEOPLE INCLUDING LILY?? cant wait !!!

Omg! first day and im placed on the Eener tribe <3 love the way it sounds like an alarm so much ! xo love the tribe divisions and love my tribe mates! super excited to get to know them more, and reconnect with others :)

https://youtu.be/9P1GrFrTHnQ

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it’s the way i keep putting my birthday as the date...as if this is a doctors office and not autumns world...I DONT NEED NO DOCTOR THO I AM CURED IN AUTUMNS WORLD ‼️‼️‼️ anyways manifesting a jinx win 🕯 hi my name is jinx and i am the winner of tumblr survivor 103: autumns world. i keep telling myself that. it’s okay to be hungry for the win like i am this time. i can’t let it blind me but it’s okay! it’s okay to say i’m gonna win! if i fail, it’s not smth i haven’t done before. but. im taking a page from autumns book and speaking it into existence. my name is jinx clementine and i WILL BE the winner of tumblr survivor 103: autumns world. *uptown funk vc* don’t believe me just WATCH ‼️

It feels absolutely insane to be back. I feel like I’m a bit oversaturated tbh

I can’t believe this cast. Packed with icons. So many people from Kilimanjaro?? I’m just like??? I’m just so excited to play and hope that our team does great. I just don’t want to lose cause I really don’t want to vote any of these other people out!

when i’m the annoying overactive player... i keep putting my birthday as the month/day/year 😭 so watch out for that. anyways, important announcement: the only song i ever listen to is potential breakup song by aly & aj. i never listen to anything else. if i feel like listening to music that’s what i listen to. it’s been on repeat since 2007. my itunes consists of 1 song, potential breakup song by aly & aj, and the play count is somewhere around 50,000 plays. if you ever see me listening to music, don’t even ask what song i’m listening to, because you know it’s potential breakup song by aly & aj, so why would you even ask

I don't give one fucks, two fucks, red fucks, or blue fucks, I'm gonna put all my effort and energy into this season. I have a point to prove, not to just myself, but to every person who has doubted me in any way. The biggest concern I have is meta gaming, alot of it but its going to be okay. Chris and Jinx? Vibing. Mikki and Captain? that group chat was made 5 minutes into the game. Monty and Lily C are gonna be vibing since they're winners. Lily O and I played fr*nce, but that's... no good. I'm going to just let go and have a great time. This is Autumn's World, and sometimes, we all need to just relax and let nature take its course

Autumn you are a crazy fucked up host....... Legit i was like oh come in have some fun then BOOM FUCKING MESOPOTAMIA FLASH BACK OUT THE GATE so sevice to say I'm nervous as hell about this challenge i so don't want to get voted out first .....or on the same challenge as before so even if we do have to go to tribal hopefully the winning tribe will take pitty on me and you know give me safety

feeling delusional for writing what i wrote about winning 😭🌚 LIKE DKKDKDKDKDKDDKDKKD IM TRYING TO BE MY BEST POSSIBLE SELF AND APPARENTLY THAT FACILITATES DELUSION GOOD NIGHT

https://youtu.be/FJM9fQW7evY

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autumn not letting me in the game at first bc i’m mixed. i can hear my ancestors screaming

Yknow I’m not exactly thrilled that the song decision was made without everyone being present but like my stupid night shifts make it completely understandable at the same time. On that topic, though. Party in the USA for our music video, hmm. Not even bleach is that basic.

good morning it’s day 2 in autumn’s world and i don’t feel any better about the whites. ps. daily i love monty

https://youtu.be/DAXdEjZW1mc

https://photos.app.goo.gl/mQ3vUbaX1nEnsp2Z9

My tribe has a varying amount of timezones which makes it harder to connect with them socially as I cannot PM them as much as I would like to. Additionally, I am finding it difficult to message them because I have to work from 8 to 5 everyday of the week. This sucks because I know I can at least make people like me in the per-merge enough to keep me. However, I can no longer reliably use this strategy. I just have to hope others are way more inactive than me and that my tribe somehow wins immunity. On that note, I am really liking that Mikki and Benj took a leadership role in the tribe. So, they are definitely people I want to keep on this tribe. It would have to be Blake or Khalid that gets the target from me. We'll see how talking to them goes before results.

I LOVE THIS GAME!!!!!!! Ok so starting with my tribe:

Mikki - ABSOLUTELY THE FAV!!! We got along right away on day 1 and are def the closest in timezones which is so great to have someone like that. Sooo fun and easy to talk to really wanna be #1 allies. I know shes amazing at orgs and won and probs is getting along well with everyone but who cares i wanna play w her!!!! The main thing is too have fun and i just know it will be with Mikki

Captain - Also amazing!!! Super active in helping with the challenge and great personally love that hes gonna do english teaching which is smth i was looking into and also in a closer time zone to me and had fun discussing stuff w him so far!!

Blake - We played Kili together!! Shoutout Autumn for getting 4 Kilis back omg. I was on a tribe with Blake and Autumn together for like 2 rounds and we did vote together once so have some positive history at least hes a bit more quiet compared to the others but hes cool and i think we could do good!

Raffy - Iconic parts in the video challenge and also fun so far!! Havent talked as much as the above 3 but still feeling good about him!

Khalid - Seems nice and friendly but we havent messaged yet and no clue if he will do his lines in the music video :O we'll see But overall love my tribe and the overall cast. LILY THE KILI WINNER QUEEN???????? Cant believe shes back would be so awesome to play w her again since last time we were mainly on opposite sides. JINX MY ONE MONTE FRIEND??? YES!! SO excited i hope we get to tribe swap together since in Monte we werent that close and i voted them off i know such a disgrace but since then we have become more friends so would love to play together!! Also played w Chips in Kili and were sort of friends! Chris we are hosting a season together but i think itll be cancelled tbh no ones applying and we dont know each other at all outside of that but i loved his intro and just started getting into agatha christie literally ordered 2 of her books a few weeks ago sdhksa cant believe he mentioned her in his intro so super excited to properly meet him. Joey we are sorta friends but i voted him out recently in other game so dunno how he feels abt me!! Everyone else i dont really know but will meet some soon surely WOOO AUTUMNS WORLD

SO THE GAME JUST STARTED so there's not really that much to spill right now but I do really enjoy my tribe. I have my bestie captain who I will protect as much as I possibly can. and I've spent all day yesterday and today talking to benj who I LOVE so so so much. I feel so good with him. SO UM ASAHJSHSJAJHASHJAS IM ON THE SAME TRIBE AS RAFFY WHO UM ASHJSAHASHJ I played with once before where I was super chaotic and I literally fought him (playfully) and it was so messy and chaotic and stupid BUT I DIDN'T RECOGNISE HIM AND HE DIDN'T REMEMBER ME SO WE JSUT WERE LIKE "nice to meet you" and I didn't realise until later and idk if he knows yet and I am not bringing it up COS LIKE IDK I DON'T WANT IT TO GET WEIRD AND MAYBE HE DOESN'T REMEMBER BUT MAYBE HE DOES IDK but besides that I love him a lot he's so fun and his videos for our music video are AMAZING he's so full of life. Khalid hasn't been on much but I really enjoy his energy when he is. he's so cool and lovely. Blake is nice!!!!! but I can't help but feel my instincts being like WATCH HIM. like something inside me is saying beware of this white man.LIKE IDK WHAT IT IS but I just get instincts in games with people sometimes where I just feel like unsettled??? and that's how I feel right now. we're all in different timezones so socialising is the opposite of overwhelming. I've never had a game so quiet in the beginning like this before. but I've never played survivor either. I think I might be okay??? if we went to tribal but I really don't want us to go to tribal pls....

JINX IS OVER ON THE TUA TRIBE BTW and I'm sitting here with grabby hands. I wanna play with them so bad and just get to have our redemption arc because we didn't play on the same side the first time we played so LET ME HAVE THIS I just wanna play with them and have fun with them but they are so far away :((((

I'm so excited overall tho the whole cast looks amazing and I'm having fun so far. this challenge has been a blast and. a great way to bond with everyone. I feel so close to benj already. I really love him a lot. so I'm having a good time yes ashjshajjahs YAY

oh and I also did my tarot and idk where things are going to go exactly but I'm very :eyes: raffy got the tower and Khalid got the devil....hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

also I wanna play with women at some point PLS PLS I haven't been this surrounded by men since I was a closeted 15 year old surrounded by posters of Robert Pattinson and Taylor lautner

Benj just submitted his version of the music video and it is..... bad. I don't know why Mikki filmed vertically? Like, I feel like that's the first rule of music videos? You have to always film horizontally. Also, some of these people's energies were not giving at all. The beginning waking up part was cute though. It's just.... these people aren't giving what they think they're giving is all I'm saying. And Benj put this weird filter on all my videos that makes it hard to see what's actually going on tbh. Anyways, time to kick the socializing into high gear so as to not get voted out! Or pray that Mikki's version of the video is better

hello autumn's world.. this is captain's speaking. sorry i'm one day late to this confessional booth stuff but i'm here and i'm ready to give u some tea. *ahem* thanks jarod for these questions.

1. How do you feel about your starting team? Anyone you are happy/upset to see? OOOOH i feel like my team is very CUTE! like i didn't think autumn was gonna put me and mikki in the same tribe lmao .. i thought it was gonna be divided from ur race and u know mikki is white and i'm not. ANYWAYS, im happy to see mikki in my team of course. thats my ride or die and i know i'm gonna have someone i can 100% trust no matter what for sure. but blake knows for sure that mikki and i are very close so thats gonna be interesting. which leads to the next part, i'm kinda eh with blake in my tribe thats only because our previous experience in CoW so i just hope that its gonna be better here this time *prays*.. for others, i don't know them before so i'm excited to get to know them!!!

2. Who are you most excited to play with on the cast? Most afraid of? oh of course mikki for sure and another person is geekoffilm cause u know we're like besties besties and i love both of them so much. most afraid of... probably monty tbh. they tried to gun for me/mikki(/cora) in jarod's mini so i think they know that mikki and i are gonna be tight so i'm just gonna have to keep an eyes on them cause they are a great player.

3. What are your first impressions of everyone based on this first challenge? OH GOD. i love benj!! benj is very organized so we started off pretty well. i threw out lush life randomly and then we decided to go with lush life, how cute!!! but yea, benj and mikki have done lots of works and i love THEM. RAFFY ALSO DID AMAZING in his parts!!! like he has PROPS and his camp is sooooo summery and AHH he's so great. blake.. ahem if blake didn't look at his lyrics at the first part, it would've been a bit better. and idk about khalid. i'm very worried cause khalid hasn't sent any of his parts yet. and like he seems inactive??? so idk but i don't wanna lose the points for full team participation :oooooh: I DIDNT JUST SHOW ANYONE I CANT DANCE TO LOSE AND I DIDNT HAVE TO DANCE AND MAKE MY LEGS ACHE JUST TO LOSE!!! SOBS!! but that is a sign that tells me i should exercise more x ANYWAYS!!!! its just interesting point to add x

4. What is your strategy going into the first portion of the game? trying to lay low and build some connections with ppl from my tribe. benj and raffy for sure. i rlly like their vibes so i need to stick with them. and just try not to lose challenges cause its gonna be suck voting one of them out. also, if we somehow win, i want to send someone who i can trust moving forward to exiled island.. but we'll see. its gonna be a lot of thinking and convincing people.

5. How do you want other people in the game to view you in the early stages of the game? as someone who they can trust and talk to and someone who always puts effort into challenges cause thats what most important in the first stage of the game.. i'll come back here after results x

HELLO AUTUMNS WORLD IM PISSED! not about raffy getting sent to the outback. its what raffy deserved. i like raffy so thats fine i just need to work on my relationship with him after he comes back. BUT KHALID. GOD. he just doesnt care about the challenge AT ALL. he was inactive. he didnt even talk about the challenge. and then coming to the chat and telling us SORRY after we have submitted… god thats BS. we literally all put our effort into this. and for someone who just dont care about the pandemic (idk about the uk but i guess they allow partying now) and go out and party. GOD i mean he’s going back to bahrain anyways WELL GUESS WHAT, HERE IS ANOTHER PLANE TICKET HOME. take that and sashay away babe

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cause thats just FUCKED UP. everyone put their efforts in. benj — his leg is HURTING he cant move much btut he still did his parts and helped us with the editing. RAFFY — he literally worked 8 to 5 but he still found time to just shoot his parts and like more random parts. blake — well even though he didnt study the song much, he still did it and he is a team player. MIKKI — well u know i love mikki and ik how much shes in her head for this challenge but every scene she is on, i smile watching her because she just did it SO WELL PLUS she stayed up late for khalid and her health is not good. fucked up khalid u done fucked up enough. hope u enjoyed ur short time at autumns world.

First challenge, done, middle of the road WOOOOOOOOOOOOO, absolutely love that my music video streak has been continuing! Coming into this game, I felt absolutely nervous as hell about playing with 2 winners on my team, but in all honesty, I’m gonna take the Jinx approach- Embrace it, you don’t get another opportunity like this. I love the fact that I’m being more engaged than before and that’s what I want to be, especially in confessionals. I’m always trying to be better, and how can I better myself I HATE THE WAY MARV ALBERT PRONOUNCES PARENTHESES, YOU DON’T SAY IT LIKE “THE C’s”? JESUS MARV ITS GONNA BE YOUR LAST GAME YOU CALL IN YOUR CAREER COME ON MAN.

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I hate to be called Joestradamus, but when Captain or Mikki get voted out first because of how tight knit they are, don’t @ me

*slides into splits* WE WON YES YES YES YES WOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOOOOOO YEAH

re khalid missing the challenge: no everyone in our team worked rlly hard on that except khalid who went out fucking partying then he lied about going to send the vid soon cause you know what if he already filmed his parts, looking for a vid and click send are not that hard he fucking told us he was about to send ASAP and then disappeared and then had the NERVE to tell us AFTER THE DEADLINE that he's so SORRY OH PLS

This tribe name is Autumn's last name backwards! https://thumbs.gfycat.com/VigorousBiodegradableIrishterrier-size_restricted.gif

Now that that is out of the way, let me list my tribemates... Giraffez Joey Lily C Lily O Monty. Something is incredibly amusing about how there is a tribe with someone named Chips and someone named Giraffez. What is not amusing is that I get a "I don't like/want to speak to/etc." vibe from Giraffez? I could just be a delicate and annoying flower but our conversations have been short and dry. Joey has some great high energy and excitement and I love that he loves being part of this game. He is also pretty fun to talk to. Hoping that we can keep an open dialogue and that perhaps I can rope him into a future alliance of sorts. Lily C is a sweetheart truly and I adore her personality so much. She is such a go-getter and goes to bat for those with who she feels can be loyal. I'm hoping that we can build loyalty and trust together. Lily O has been busy with work at a bowling alley. That's actually really cool because when I was a child that was my dream job. Not even joking... my parents were in leagues when I was growing up and my brother and I entered ones designed for children. It was a big thing in my family and I thought that I would love to be in that "atmosphere" all the time. Anyway, we haven't spoken until after the results were announced so honestly if I had to guess I was their intended target if we had had tribal council and they were mine?? (perhaps...) It has been really nice getting to connect with Monty and really cool finding out that they are beginning job searching after college and thinking of pursuing education as a career. I have a soft spot in my heart for all educators.

Okay so I'm just going to say this now. Autumn needs to simplify the twists to more like Blue's Clues with an OBVIOUS large blue paw prints where I'm supposed to look. I have no idea what that announcement was about war rooming someone into the game and feel like I"m fifty million steps behind these big-brained people who figured it out. https://media2.giphy.com/media/m59avtxDzXeiQ/200.gif

I think that I missed the message about what we do with tickets or I'm still just as clueless as previously stated but I am intrigued nonetheless. I think even if I knew what to do with them I would just hoard them like I would Chuck E. Cheese tickets in case something else came along. Hope they're not like Fire Tokens and let you buy like Peanut Butter and Idols because I am anti- fire token. https://media.tenor.com/images/d7de1f75f2c43f8e044e958b964430fa/tenor.gif

On a side note, I'm paranoid when I see people on calls because even if they're not talking about me or plotting they are potentially aligning with each other and that does not include me. I don't really know much about how calls work on Discord as I am a pretty big noob generally speaking with the platform but it did say that Joey and Giraffez were on a call earlier?? I'm stressed. https://media0.giphy.com/media/3o7TKRwpns23QMNNiE/200.gif --- http://www.purplerockpodcast.com/wp-content/uploads/survivor-pearlislands-lillian-morris-post-savage-blindside.gif

https://voca.ro/1lb9WKsDr6xA

Ok.....so after talking to Joey a little ive learned a few things mikki is a bit of a beast Benj is well......social to and everyone despised Mesopotamia........which i get from the stuff that pumped me up to 16th place that season but I'm mostly hoping that i can make it to the end this time....... So far I've talked to pretty much everyone Lilly and Joey and monty not sure which one really but the one whose discord is 13survivirgirl13 so hopefully soon i can work out some kind of an alliance with them and if we swap or merge from three to two either next week or the week after (probably the week after honestly) i feel i can maybe set us up as one and us four can really rule the roost for a moment....hopefully.....who knows i could just he a delusional old queen whose doomed to be nothing more then premerge every time i play tumblr survivor......or maybe I'm just crazy *shrugs* either way it should be a damn good hoot

we won the first challenge, god bless. which brings up something funky i realized: that the best part about winning immunity is having the day off. and also…idk something just doesn’t sit right…the way autumn was emphasizing that someone would be eliminated from the game…like….hm……….idk….never trust a bitch named after a season!

omg we lost AHHHH but thankfully we have an easy boot sorry khalid im glad i dont have to vote mikki captain or blake eeek pls lets win the next one

I'm totally pumped for this game! Like when I saw my tribe and Jinx is on it I screamed! I want us to have the same success of being together at ftc!! Jude honestly is great to me and I'm enjoying getting to know her a lot, Ricky I remember from HvV4 but we both say no to that and start anew! Bryan I am hopeful to talk more since its been dry and that is okay. Sucks we ended losing Michelle early but I am sure it was for the best! We WILL reign successful

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Yesterday was so stressful to me like editing I have no problem with but I thought my biggest worry was that I needed Bryan to submit stuff late-ish. But turns out an hour before due time thd program wanted to stop working 🙃🥲 and I felt so close to wanting to forfeit- which is something I never do but I just felt hopeless and guilty and even imagined getting voted out. So I had to call Jinx who assured me something could be salvaged and they'd make sure I would stay (rip Bryan) but after the extension by cool hosts I found encouragement and did my magic stuff. SOMEHOW we won and to be honest I dont think anything will top that feeling of relief in the org (give me 3 days) but man what a ride yesterday was for me!

I got a Super Idol! Well, at least I now know that I can fuck around in this game a little bit more since I have this extra insurance in my back pocket which guarantees I stay around in the long run. I want to start getting into alliances because being a solo person with not much time on their hands is definitely a scary position to be in. Preferably, I want an alliance with Nikki and Benj (though I suspect that they already have an alliance with at least one other person on the tribe). It does suck that I am not at tribal considering that it will help build my bonds even stronger. I guess I just have to suffer for the time being

i think this is gonna be an easy vote cause khalid needs to go. but idk you can never feel safe in survivor :/ but so far everyone has been telling me they're voting khalid so lets pray

Omg that immunity was so hard, I literally did not know what I was doing and I think out of everyone I was a bit lackluster. I will say on the tribe I have not really talked to all of them but I will say I trust Jinx the most and we have talked a lot and I think that moving forward we will have each others back. All I need to do is talk to the rest of the tribe and form bonds that will last me to a swap or merge.

https://youtu.be/kKOciJGjrzw

https://youtu.be/mx7WPjx8zCk

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khalid babe this ones for you 🥺 https://youtu.be/QX2boYNUbxw

#tsaw #episodes

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bangzchan · 7 years

Note

If you're still doing the Au word/ sentence thingy can I please chuck 'accidental spooning' into the mix? 🙊I just read all of the ones you wrote and i don't stop smiling from reading them until I realised that there weren't any more 😩love your writing and characterisation!!

thank u sooo much!!! im sorry theyre takin so long rip hope u like this one too💗 (lol this got way too long sorry)so, au where isak goes to his grandparents during his summer vacation and he hasnt been there for a year now, so he feels excited to spend a few weeks there and catch up on everything thats been happening. and its all going fine until he has to set the table and his grandma hands him a fourth plate and isak is confused?? and when he asks about it his grandma slaps a hand to her forehead, “i didnt even mention” and isak kinda has a bad feeling about it, “we’ve got a lovely boy helping us with the garden and other outside work”

then isak frowns ,“alright, but why does he need to have dinner with us?” and his grandma looks at him in a way that tells isak he’s being a little rude, “he lives here for a few months, until he gets enough money for a flat” and isaks just. he has to sit down bc wow thats really smth they should’ve mentioned. especially that now he’s got his hopes up that its a really cute boy, wearing the cute garden dungarees with a cute straw hat. and the boy walks in just like that the next minute, except the hat but isak doesnt mind bc his hair falling into his face a little sweaty is smth isak could look at for hours. the boy’s eyes find isaks, and he blinks twice before smiling, walking up to isak, taking his gloves off and reaching out a hand, “hello, im even, u must be isak. its really nice to finally meet u” and isaks mind is going a mile a minute trying to let his voice AND their clasped hands sink in, and he doesnt get a word out just nods, then even walks away to take a shower and isaks body slams down on the chair and he feels exhausted for no reason. or it might be bc of how much his heart had to work with in no more than 5 minutes. then when he’s back, sitting opposite him, and theyre having dinner he finds out a little more about even but only basics like why he took this job ,why he’s not found a flat yet, or that he’s single. one of these make isak tighten the grip around his fork.

after a few stolen glances at even and blushing pink when he gets caught half of the time, they finish dinner and isaks walking up to the room that his grandparents made isaks where he could stay when he comes over. except. “we didnt mention i live in this room now, huh” even walks up next to him and no, nobody said anything and the thought of sleeping on the couch makes him want to whine out loud. but then even is walking inside and he waits at the door until isak walks in too, confused. “well good news, we gotta share” and isak snorts, though his heart does a thing. “whats the good news then” and he’s glad when even doesnt get offended but just squints his eyes at him and isak thinks he’s gonna stick his tongue out. he doesnt though, and he just walks over to one of the cabinets and gets out a towel, handing it to isak, “i already showered so.. the bathroom is all yours” and isak thanks him and while he’s drying himself down after the shower, he’s trying to prepare himself for having to share a room with even. and he think he’s got himself together buT THEN he walks in the room and ??? evens lying in bed with his phone. so isak just stops at the door and stares dumbly, “u didnt get me like a, mattress or smth?” and even looks up from his phone, “no? i told you we’d share?” and oh. sharing the bed too. okay. so he hesitantely slips under the blanket, only one for the two of them, and when turns to put his phone next to the bed, his shirt rolls up and isak feels his mouth go dry and he averts his eyes, staring up at the ceiling. then even is squirming beside him trying to get into a comfy position and then theyre both lying on their backs, and its dark in the room now and even breaks the silence, “i hope you dont feel uncomfortable” and isak has to swallow before replying, “uh no, the bed is fine” and even chuckles which tugs at isaks heart, “i meant being uncomfortable with us sharing” and isak doesnt know how sharing a bed with one of the cutest and prettiest boys could be uncomfortable, “its chill” he’s really nervous. “chill” even repeats with a smile in his voice and then he’s turning around with his back to isak, and isak slowly falls asleep.

he wakes up to a soft knocking on the door and a voice from behind it, “breakfast is ready boys” and then isaks about to bury his face deeper into the pillow except his nose smushes against smth harder and he opens one eye to check and shit. its evens back. and his arm is wrapped around evens chest, their legs tangled under the sheets. he starts freaking out and mouths a few swear words then he’s counting down to 3 to slide his arm from evens body but when he’s at 2, even is turning around in his arms and isak freezes and forgets to shut his eyes, and even is facing him now and he can see his eyes slowly start to open and isak holds his breath, his eyes wide and he’s panicking and doesnt know why he just doESNT move his arm??? then even blinks a few times and isak sees he first notices the arm around him, which with him moving slid down to his hips, fingers only hovering above his skin, and he’s slowly turning his gaze ,to isaks chest, his neck and then he finds his eyes and. theyre just. staring. then evens voice is raspy and surprised “uuhh. morning?” and isak is 101% sure he’s gonna faint. “morning” he still doesnt move. then even huffs out a laugh and clears his throat, “did you have a nice sleep?” and isak swallows,”yeah. you?” and evens presses his lips together, rubbing his chin against his shoulder, “me too, really nice” then isak pulls his lips into an awkward smile and he looks to the side, “breakfast is ready” and even raises his eyebrows “yeah? we better go eat then” but neither of them move for another moment, and when isak finally gets the strength to move his arm, even moves his body the same time,and isaks fingers end up touching his hips and they both freeze and isaks just. holding him and evens stuck in a probably uncomfortable position and isaks heart is gonna jUMP out of his chest, then they chuckle nervously and isaks fingers slide down his hips and theyre standing up. isak stays behind and slaps his cheeks to wake up and curses a few more times before walking out with a smile

then theyre eating breakfast, sitting opposite each other again, and isak doesnt dare to look up, he’s afraid he made things awkward. so he’s tossing his food around when his grandma sits down, “so, was everything okay with the sharing?” and isak is already thinking about some reasons why the bed isnt good, but then even hums, “yeah it was cool, right isak?” and isak meets his eyes for the first time since the bed and all he can do is nod and then his grandma starts talking about something else, but isak doesnt listen. he shoots an apologetic smile at even who just shrugs with a grin and isak watches as even puts his mouth around the fork, eyes still on isak. isak blushes and hides his face behind his coffee cup

theyre doing the dishes together, alone in the kitchen and isak takes a deep breath when the silence has been going on for too long, “i hope i didnt make things awkward?” and even smiles at him, handing him a plate to wash off, “you didnt. to be honest it was nice waking up to that” and he bites his bottom lip. isaks heart does that thing again and he finds himself agreeing with even. then even nudges isaks shoulder with his own, “a cuddle’s a cuddle. i dont mind if you sneak your arms around me again” and isak blushes, “i was asleep when i did that!” and even squints his eyes, “mhm, sure” and isak splashes water at even and he does the same, and theyre laughing, but a few bubbles ended up on evens nose and isak admires it for a minute before he reaches up to remove it and even ducks his head with a blush and smiles at the ground and licks his lips with a grin that shines brighter than the washed plates

and that night isak is awake when he throws his arm around even, and he feels even move a bit closer and isak smiles against his back and evens heart picks up a quick rhythm under isaks hand and in the next days they notice how that quick rhythm becomes the normal for them when theyre around each other and it just gets quicker when they first hold hands with their fingers laced as theyre watching a movie on evens laptop or when isaks lips finally find even’s one night

#au #ask

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superemeralds · 7 years

Note

Dude, are you okay? What's been up, an old follower, I haven't been keeping up since I left tumblr but man... If it helps... I've always loved your artwork and the Shadow origin fanfic you wrote. I think you're a really interesting person, hell it might sound odd (and I dunno if you'll remember me from this) but I've dreamt of you before and that normally happens with people who I consider friends or I'm glad to know of their existence. Please stay safe.

I think i remember you? I vaguely remember something about a person dreaming abt me. Idk who exactly it was but ????

To answer ur question tho, im just depressed lmao and im not getting any treatment whatsoever while also recieving zero support irl. (Like mom told me to just kms multiple times if i wanted it so much, she is tired of me whining abt wanting to die)On top of that im like the only trans person in germany whos made to wait 3 years to get therapy lol and i need to be in therapy for 1 entire year to get t, but im also the only person who has to go by that rule i feel. I keep hearing stories of people saying theh ring up a doc and they get their t in 3 monthsIt makes me angry and sad and im just so tiredMy dysphoria is getting really bad lately because im in a fucking downward spiral. My coping mechanism includes eating food and that means i gain weight, that means the features of mt body i hate most grow even furtherI cant bind anymore, if i do i cant breathe and i get wounds on my shoulders and my ribs feel weird so i think i mightve reached my limitIm getting misgendered more than ever and im forced to talk a lot and my voice is like the no 1 thing abt me thag makes me feel the absolute worst and disconnected from myself

On top of all this is the regular school stress and the constant pressure to not fail.I gave up school long ago, i just need to keep going so mom can get payed (long story short dad died and we get a lil pay from his job which we depend on to survive)Im also under pressure to go to uni as soon as i graduate but im so exhausted i dont feel like i can go to uni. I want to be happy with myself first (multiple psychologists ive seen have told me this too lol)But its hard to focus on ur wellbeing if ppl constantly tell u how stupid and lazy you are and that what you love and do is useless and worthless and i should focus on my education to get a real job™Im just about to turn 19 and ive been worried about getting a job for 2 years now. I need to help my “family” survive somehow. They are assholes and emotionally abuse me without an end but they are literally all ive got. Ive been broken so much that i feel guilty for hating them and wantning to leave them, im also very dependent on them lmaoBut i cant get a job because of my anxiety™ because just thinking abt it makes me feel sick and whenever i start looking up how to get a job i end up crying before i actually learned smth

Basically everything about me is fucked up and i want to die

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ghostsnbees · 5 years

Text

HELLO here’s the short story I worked on for a couple of hours for a school contest,,,,,,,,,,,,,, its called “And Time Stopped When I Saw You”

tw for hints of self-harm (though theres nothing explicit and it just seems like thats whats being implied) and bleeding ;;

Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock.

Another minute passes by.

Tick. Tock. Tick. To-

“Okay, fine, you win.”

I pressed the ball-point pen a bit too hard, leaving a visible red mark on my forearm. The badly scribbled sentence on my arm was barely legible- nobody I knew understood it. Except for one particular person.

All of a sudden, as if like magic- blue ink strokes were swirling on my arm. If it really was “magic”, it didn’t feel that way anymore. This was normal for me. This was normal for us. The once unrecognisable strokes became clearer and clearer, until it formed..

“☺”

“..Rude.”

The culprit of the blue and neatly drawn smiley face was Karamveer- or K for short. He was to me what most would call… a soulmate, perhaps. We were bound together by fate or whatever- and though most people had what we called “The Red String of Fate”, or the “Grayscale view” that connected two soulmates, K and I were tied differently. Different in a way that whenever he drew on himself, the marks would appear on me, too, and vice versa. We used this to communicate with one another- because for some odd reason, he doesn’t want to tell me where he is, or if there’s any other way i could communicate with him. So we were stuck like this- drawing dumb marks on our limbs in a somewhat desperate attempt to talk with one another.

“See? Even you admit it. I’m just that irresistible.”

“Yuck, shut up.”

“;))”

I let out a small chuckle. This boy is gonna kill me someday— if he hasn’t already.

“wait brb gonna do smth. don't die while I'm gone lol”

My eyes blink over towards the clock rested beside my bed— it was 2am. I had school.

“on the subject of death, i’ll be signing off for tonight. its like. 2am here. Night K.”

I wince at how hard I pressed on my forearm again, and at how bad my handwriting was. I hope he could still understand.

“Gnight Ani <3”

I feel something flutter in my chest seeing the little heart scribbled beside the stupid little nickname he gave me. After staring at the blue symbol on my arm for what felt like a while, I brush the feeling off and head to bed.

—

“Animosah Agbon?”

My eyes tear open upon hearing my name. I was dozing off in class again.

“What’s the answer for number 11?”

I blink at the chalkboard and reposition my big reading glasses. “Uhhhhh….” The whole class is staring at me, a few of my classmates snickering and talking between themselves. I frown.

“Sixteen…four… no, in the equation 2y+16=6y-4, y is equal to 5.”

My classmates whoop and cheer while my teacher subtly smiles to herself. I slink back into my chair shyly and take my favorite retractable black pen out of my pencil case, rolling up my long sleeve to see if he’s written anything.

“please save me. i don’t like it in school anymore.”

Not a few seconds later, a reply is scribbled on my palm. “Ohhh, i hear ya. The only thing that kept me sane was the actually decent food they had there. Other than that, school is quite literally a juvenile prison.”

“,,,,why are you talking in past tense????”

“its for me to know and for you to find out :))”

“I hate you”

“ I love you too <3”

I try and hold back a small smile, but it peeps out anyway. I look around to see if anyone else has noticed. They’re all pre-occupied with something- Alvis with her string of fate, Callum asking his friend Xavier what color the chalk on the board was, Elenoir re-checking the ink of his token pen. Before I can fully fall asleep, the school bell chimes and everyone is rushing to their next class.

—

I plop onto my bed and read the conversations we shared throughout the day. He kept me awake through the majority of my subjects but stopped replying by the time I was writing on my ankles. I wasn’t sure what his timezone was, but I do admit- it would look pretty weird if he was scribbling with a colored gel-pen on his leg in public. Not even in public- just in general.

“I dont know if your still awake but good night”

“**you’re”

I groan and scrawl a small ‘e’ beside the misspelled word.

“goodnig”

The next few letters don’t come, and the text smudges itself. I subconsciously frown. What was he doing? I feel my stomach turn in knots in worry and I choke on my spit. Head screaming for relief, I shut my eyes tight and force my probably malfunctioning body to fall asleep.

—

When I open my eyes the next morning, the sun’s rays immediately burn and blur my sight, causing me to roll out of bed with a unceremonious thump! After lying on the floor for what seemed like 5 minutes, I check my arm to see if K wrote anything new.

..Nothing.

Before panic settles in, I lift the hem of my pajamas to check if the ones he wrote on my right leg were still there.

..All of his marks were gone.

Perhaps he just took a bath?

That’s.. impossible. He never washes the ink thoroughly enough for it to disappear.

..Is he okay?

“Are you okay?”

—

5 hours later and he still hasn’t replied.

At this point I’m awkwardly sprawled on my bed, occasionally lifting my arm to see if he’s said anything.

Where did he go?

—

2 weeks and still nothing.

I’ve been doing worse in school. My parents are getting uneasy, my teachers are concerned.

I wish I could talk to him again.

—

One month.

One month and my limbs are clean, aside from the numerous writings I’ve left asking where he was.

I haven’t slept well since the day he stopped replying. Am I too clingy? Am I too concerned? Should I stop trying?

..Maybe I am. Maybe I should. But no, I won’t.

I guess I just.. really, really miss him.

—

“Class dismissed!”

I stand up quickly and fumble for my bag and everyone rushes out of the room.

“..Animosah, can you stay for a bit?”

I grimace at my teacher, and she responds by softening her worried smile. I approach her slowly without maintaining eye contact with her.

“Are you sure you don’t want to talk about what’s bothering you?”

“I’m sorry, Ma’am. I really don’t want to.”

She must’ve noticed me rubbing my forearm because her face grows with concern.

“Animosah, what’s on your arm..?”

“It’s nothing.”

“Animosah. Show me.”

“Ma’am, please-“

“Ani.”

I almost gag at the nickname she called me.

Hesitantly, I shakily roll up my sleeve and lift up my right arm. It was nearly fully covered with ink marks- desperate pleas begging to know where my soulmate was. Tears start to roll down my cheeks as I quickly withdraw my arm and bend over to stifle my cries. My teacher quickly leaps to her feet and kneels to reach my eye level. She cups my face in her hands and pulls me into a hug.

“..Everything will be alright soon, dear. He will come back to you soon. I promise.”

And I hoped she was right.

—

My eyes feel a little dry after crying.

The town was a bustling, lively place of no sleep. The people there were a smiling and happy bunch- nearly everyone knew each other, and nearly everyone was friends. Though the townspeople greeted me with countless ‘good morning!’s and ‘hello!’s, I wasn't in the mood to even wave back. I felt like a sulking rat in a sea of adorable rabbits.

I hated it.

The roads were already familiar to me, so I walk in an almost rhythmic pattern to try to lighten my mood. Street Maya, Street Kassel, Street Avida, Street Ramas, Street Ettiel, Street Maya, Street Kassel, Str-

Wait.

I glance at the street sign. I’m at Street Avida.

..What.

Suddenly the air feels tight in my throat. I gasp ang gag, silently crying for air. I’m kneeling on the sidewalk when I see someone walking towards me. HELP! HELP! I try to scream, but I just cough harder.

The person walks past me without any sign of acknowledgement.

No, wait-!

In an instant, I’m dragged by the collar into an alleyway I didn’t even notice was there. When I’m pushed against the wall, I feel the air get knocked out of my lungs and I’m left hacking and coughing on the floor. The stranger who dragged me looms over me in a somewhat curious manner, examining my features slowly. They brush the hair off my face and I get a clear look at them- Their face is shrouded by a black hood, but with what little light peaking through they appeared to be young. The hood extended into a cloak reaching until their feet. The only eye-catching thing about them was a carefully-crafted pocket watch dangling off their hand.

“Who.. Who are you?”

“That’s not important, dear.”

Their voice rung in my head like an alarm clock- except it was less annoying. They spoke in an echo-y mixture of voices- my mom’s, my dad’s, my teachers’, my friends’, and so many other people. It felt calming in so many ways, but it also raised a dozen more questions.

“What’s important to you is what I have to offer.”

“What? Offer? I’m really sorry but I’m not interested in another car de-“

Even if I couldn’t see their face, I could tell they were glaring.

“Sorry.”

“It’s quite alright, love.” They look at my arm. “..You miss your soulmate, yes?”

I painfully look away and nod lightly.

“I see. I was like you once. I had a left wing of white feathers and my soulmate had the right of black. We flew together in the skies, hands intertwined. One day, however, he stopped wanting to fly with me. He never told me why, but all answers came to me once all my feathers fell out. I suppose we both flew too close to the sun.”

I gulp and mouth a subtle “I’m sorry”.

“..I’m sorry too, dear. I’m afraid I might've gone on a little tangent there. See, that might’ve happened to me, but that doesn’t have to happen to you, too.”

I look up at them. “What do you mean?”

“Fate has given you a chance, sunshine. As a sorceress of time, they’ve instructed me to give you a choice.”

“Time will stop in this world and shall only go on for you both. You have all the time in the world to look for him. And when you two meet eyes, the cycle of the earth shall continue. But you must hurry. Best of luck to you, love.”

“Hurry? Why? Is something wrong?”

..They’re gone.

—

When I wake up the next morning, everything is in black and white.

I check my alarm clock and it’s frozen at 6:12 am.

..That wasn’t a dream?

..That was real. Which means-

I jump out of bed, throw on a long sleeve blouse and pants and bolt towards the door. I almost trip on the stairs and when I fling the front door open, I tumble on a package that nearly sends me flying. I regain my composure and open the package. In it was a necklace with a red gem etched with mysterious writings and a note. The note said:

“This necklace will be able to transport you to whichever place you wish to be and light up whenever he may be near. Just say the word and you shall be there. Good luck, my dear. May the stars be forever in your favor. -SHUVHISKRGH”

I didn’t feel like decoding their name anymore. All I knew was one thing- I had to look for him.

I bring the necklace to my lips and whisper..

“Bring me… Bring me to my heart.”

The gem glows, and the mysterious writings ring in my ears in a unknown language. I shut my eyes tight as I’m enveloped by the red light and..

I fall to the ground and I groan.

I quickly get up and stumble a bit. Where was I? I was somewhere unfamiliar and new, that was for sure. I shuffle on tiled grounds. The place was filled with people that didn’t look all that friendly. The buildings surrounding me stood proud and tall like skyscrapers- and it was driving me crazy. I try to remain calm and examine my surroundings.

The necklace I held tight in my hand glowed faintly.

He’s here.

I dash from street to street, checking if the necklace would glow any brighter. And when it was as bright as a fire in my hand, I look up and see a figure looking down from a window.

The shadow places its hand on the glass, and glances at me. Suddenly my chest feels like its being tugged towards it, causing me to stumble. I hit the ground and before I can get up, something taps my shoulder

“Are you alright, miss?”

“Yes, I-“

..Wait, what?

The stranger has his arm stretched out, so I take it and heave myself up.

“..Thank you, sir.” I say as the man begins to walk away.

Time’s moving. That means-

I shoot my head up and see the figure by the window. It looked clearer now- it appeared to be a young boy my age in a hospital gown. He writes something on his left arm, lifts his right, smiles, and I realize who he was.

I run towards the building as quick as I can. My chest is pounding and I’m running out of breath but I don’t care. Before I reach the entrance, pain shoots up my left arm and I fall over. Blood was seeping through my sleeve and I cry out for help. With the little strength still left in my body, I roll up the cloth and see something etched into my inner forearm in very familiar neat cursive writing. When the realisation hits me, I start to cry even harder.

“i love you.”

..Always and forever.

#over-write #UGHHHHH IM SLEEPY GOOD NIGHT #oof #anyway u can.. give ur opinions on this id love to hear it #this is the first time ive written something original and kinda long so please bear with me hh

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kaoarika · 2 years

Text

Silly stuff that happened this past friday because I went for a rabbithole. And it STIll keeps going...

The story goes that all I wanted to do was timeshifting some livestream from Nicovideo, but since the platform from time to time logs me out (since I barely use the platform these days: I am only “subscribed” to a program there, since everything I used it for already finished and so and so, or moved to Youtube) I had to login once more.

Thing is, I suspect this past month they have been doing lots of changes to their platform (including moving livestreaming timeshifts to the main nicovideo dashboard and so and so), they also started to implement a new 2-steps-login system where they send you a code to the email you registered your account to verify it is you.

For my luck, Nicovideo was still one of the last few platforms where I still used my old mail account that I barely visit these days because all I get these days there is mostly notifications from fb (and I wish it wasn’t like that, but fb is a weird entity and I hate it). I always do some cleaning each 5 or 6 months, whenever I feel like it, because, again, I barely use it. I WISH I could do smth more with it, but gmail feels more comfortable than whatever the hell Outlook/Hotmail tried to do with it being some kind of gmail clone in the past decade (wish I could say “desktop Outlook”, but, in my almost 20 years of being online, I never used it).

So, yeah... I decided to clean the few hundred notifications I have there from fb. One email notification I checked, however, comes from Google because of my old YT account (this is from a time before Google came and bought YT, before gmail was widely used and became the defacto google account to everything they own these days, and you could register any mail account to get a YT account). It basically went “hey, someone knows about your pw, we took some steps forward and do some security stuff... why don’t you login to do appropiate changes and the like?”. And I was “well, sure... I guess? I have been changing my pw of EVERYTHING, just in case, due to a data breach that happened last year and wanted to be secure”.

Two things i also got from this was: one, this was a mail I received last September. Oh shoot. The other was: wait... what was my old YT account’s pw again?

I have an habit of writing down all my pws since I was younger. And I had a bad practice where I wrote pws of everything in scattered notebook pages, post-its, etc. (these days I HAVE to write down the date I started to use those, in ONE PLACE, but this habit wasn’t 100% foolproof, since there were times I wasn’t even sure for WHERE I USED ONE OF THESE). In my teenage years, all my pws were simple and, frankly, quite insecure. I also kinda used them ALL for EVERYTHING. But as years came by I started changing them, being more meticulously vague with characters used there, and the like. But last year it was when a data breach happened that I REALLY got scared because hindsight is never 20/20, so I started to change EVERYTHING. I think 95% of the stuff I have registered and so and so nowadays use a different pw these days. The other 5% are probably sites that I have forgotten, “do I even care?”, and platforms that no longer exist. Or perhaps pw I have lost with time and doing the whole “recover pw” thing is useless.

My old YT fits a little with that 5%, tbh. I no longer use it, It’s over a decade old (I think last time I really used it was 2010 or 2010... barely before I started to use a gmail account). From what I remember, almost every video on my “favorites” doesn’t longer exist - either the uploader got deactivated for obvious YT reasons, or the videos were privated. So... what gives, right? “I don’t think I still have access to it...”

Or DOES IT?

And then... I went through the rabbithole. A very annoying one, at that. Did I want to give it up? No. I’m very obsessive and persistent, because I didn’t want to lose it.

So, I decided to look if I had a pw that I should have changed it to. Thing is, the first few times I tried it out... I found out the pw was from a different account. A fail from my part.

I then vaguely remembered that I *recently* logged into it, because I DO recall looking through my list of favorite videos. But, it depends what this “recently” means... could have been a year... 2 or 3 years ago (it doesn’t help considering the last two years of the pandemic and time has been quite weird since). So, did I change the pw? Did I use my old pw?

I looked through my old notebook that I used to base which platforms I NEEDED to change my pws last year... and strangely, “YT (original account)” was scribbled. Did I consider it a loss back then? So, I went back and forth with older notebooks.

I spent two hours on it, trying and logging with different pw variants I COULD have changed it to. I even checked if it was possible I changed my pw, because, I guess, Google does send you a notification about you changing a pw... but I didn’t have one of these, either. So... it was possible it was my old pw all around?

Another issue was that, like I said, my old pws were simpletons and MAYBE I could have used a different character, and I could have missed it, but my memory is foggy about it. I don’t rememeber how many times I TRIED logging in, all I do remember is how many times I as cycled back into captcha (and me trying to guess what the hell they were spelling for a word to verify me).

And to make matters worse, Google doesn’t really protect me to check another way to verify it was me: the “other method” is basically remembering what was the last pw I used. “WELL, I wouldn’t be here if I remembered what it WAS, right???”

And then, by 6 AM of that Friday, I finally got it. Maybe. Because of that one single character variant, and I was already too tired that I was all did i typed it correctly?”. All i knew is that it FINALLY sent me a verification to my email, and FINALLY I could be sent that sweet, sweet txt message to my phone.

Only to, right after it, receive another message that I couldn’t gain access due to MANY login attempts. “We have blocked you access due to many login attempts, try a few hours later :)” Okay, cool, I could try a couple of hours later.

And then I tried one hour later: ”Oops, try a few hours later.”

Three hours later: “”Try a few hours later”.

Okay, understandable, I guess I TRIED to login too many times, I will rest it here and try... well, later.

Almost 48 later: “Try a few hours later.”

Wait, it’s been TWO DAYS and you haven’t unblock me...??!

ALMOST FIVE DAYS LATER (a hour before I started writing this): “TRY A FEW HOURS LATER”.

Like... GOOGLE, IT’S BEEN FIVE DAYS. WHAT THE ACTUAL FREAKING HELL? HOW MANY “FAILED ATTEMPTS” IS THIS PUNISHMENT GARBAGE? HOW MUCH TIME IT MEANS “FEW HOURS LATER” FOR THIS PUNISHMENT?!

AGGGGGHHHHH.

UGH, ALL I want to is finally change the pw and regain access to it, nothing more, nothing less. But google doesn’t give me an option besides “try accessing from another device”, which is also incredibly useless.

It’s INCREDIBLY FRUSTRATING. It’s going to be a week in less of two days and this is baffling? For an old account I barely use? Where I made the HUGE mistake of going for a dumb pw and I completely forgot WHAT IT WAS?!

I’m freaking tired and I’m trying to get into it 24 or 48 later. I guess, to give google time to cool it down, but NOPE, it’s been almost 120 hours SINCE it give me that message of “we blocked some attempts of ppl accessing to this account” and it’s completely baffling??? Because I’m pretty sure af it was ALL ME? BECAUSE OF A PRETTY DUMB “Well, type the last pw you remember using” too???! FREAKING HELL... I HATE THIS.

#kao's nonsenses

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