#this is only the sfw ones..........................................

[aliteralsemicolon]

We can't be friends, but I'd like to just pretend

You and Spencer have convinced yourselves that you’re only meant to be friends despite the strong tension between you two. It only seems to intensify the longer you ignore it, eventually reaching its boiling point and forcing changes in the friendship.

Spencer Reid X Fem! Reader

(but no mentions of pronouns in this so it can be read as gn)

DISCLAIMER This story is SFW but it’s intended for mature audiences only. You are responsible for the content you consume. Make sure to read all necessary warnings. Please remember this is a work of fiction; if you don’t like it, don’t read.

WARNING Mentions of: Indirect peer pressure, alcohol/drinking/being drunk, very slight implicated SA (it doesn’t happen), serial killer, kidnapping, torture, murder, stalking, and threats. It’s all barely there and doesn’t really matter to the story tbh. Proceed at your own risk.

Word count: 9.3K See notes at end for authors note & spoilers.

Being in love is hard. Being in love with your best friend is harder. It’s a merciless form of torture really, devoting yourself entirely to the person you hold dearest to your heart, but they aren’t yours. It was almost masochistic, standing by to serve him in whatever way you thought he needed. Luckily, you weren’t a masochist. 

Not entirely, at least. 

You were there for him when he needed, offering whatever you had to give, but there were parts of you that you kept guarded. To protect yourself, but more importantly, to protect Spencer. It wasn’t uncommon for you to hear that you were ‘too much’ from passing lovers in your life. A certain level of detachment was necessary to ensure the safety of Spencer’s friendship. He was the most important person in your life. 

Maybe it was the multitude of degrees as a result of his intelligence. He never let you feel stupid or any less intelligent. 

Maybe it was the way his whole body lit up when he shared information he’d stored in that beautiful mind.

Maybe it was the charm in how goofily he carried himself. The way his hands would flail around when he spoke to keep up with the speed his brain moved at. 

Or maybe it was how he made you feel seen. 

How he always knew what to say, what to do. How he remembered little details about you, like how you preferred the window seat on the jet. And how he went out of his way to accommodate the details, like giving up the window seat just so you could sit in it. He was an unusually thoughtful man, with everybody he knew. 

That’s something you had to remind yourself of often. 

He’s like that with everybody. He has an eidetic memory, of course he remembers the little details. 

If only you knew how wrong you were. Spencer was a thoughtful man, there was no doubt about that. Sure he was gifted with an arguably incomparable memory, but unlike all the things he had no choice in remembering, he chose to remember the little details about you. To him you were the closest thing to a real life angel. 

It was the way you were the only person he’d ever met, willing to sit there and listen to him talk for hours. You’d go out of your way to show interest in the things he’d share, even if you didn’t actually have any interest in it.

The way he could swear he saw stars in your eyes whenever he stole an opportunity to stare into them. They would burn brighter if accompanied with the sweet sound of your laughter. 

He felt compelled to accommodate you. Especially when you light up the way you do from such minuscule actions on his part. Spencer loved being the person to bring out your smile, taking any excuse to try and coax one out of you. Even if he’d slightly inconvenience himself at times. His convenience mattered little to him because he knew how much you did for him too. 

Every morning before work you’d make the trip to his favourite coffee shop, getting him scones and coffee exactly to his liking because you knew he had a tendency to skip breakfast. His favourite coffee shop was a fifteen minute drive from your apartment and an extra twenty from Headquarters. You went out of your way to deliver it to him, even reheating the coffee yourself before handing it over. 

Spencer wasn’t alone in recognising your generosity. The entire sixth floor had noticed how both of you subconsciously performed acts of service for each other, even if nobody had brought it up to your faces. 

“I know that look.” Rossi remarks, turning his head towards his raven haired co-worker, eyes on you and Spencer.

“Yea..I just wonder if they know.” Emily mirrors his actions as she gives her own comment on the sight just a few feet in front of her. 

Neither of you realise you have spectators observing your conversation. You’re in your own little bubble at Spencer’s desk, the resident genius seated comfortably with his gaze on you as he speaks. Your focus is entirely on the man across from you, leaning in slightly, perched on the wooden surface. 

“Because stomach acid in the human body is typically 1-2 on the PH scale, it’s capable of dissolving metals such as certain types of stainless steels. Razors for example! The Gastrointestinal Endoscopy journal shared that scientists found that the thickened back of a single-edged blade dissolved just two hours of immersion in stomach acid!” His voice went up a pitch as he spoke and you couldn’t help but smile.

“So theoretically, an unsub could use a razor blade as a murder weapon and potentially eat it to dispose of it?” It was a relatively dumb question, but you just wanted to keep him talking. 

“Well, it’s possible, but realistically I don’t think a razor blade-” 

“Sorry to interrupt my younglings,” A colourful Garcia appears in your bubble and cuts Spencer off, “but I am here to let you know that the team will be going out for drinks, on Rossi, tonight! No exceptions!!”

When your head swivels to Garcia, you also notice the gawking pair not far behind her, shuffling off when they realise they’ve been caught staring. 

“I’ll come, but I won’t be drinking.” Spencer says with an awkward smile. They shift their sights on you for your response. 

“Sorry guys…I already have plans for tonight.” You purse your lips together apologetically. 

“What no! No, no, no! You know how rare these nights can be!” Garcia frowns and grabs your shoulders pleadingly.

“I knowwww…I’m sorry!!”

“Fine, fine, but at least share what’s keeping you busy tonight?” The blonde pokes.

You shift your eyes to Spencer, who’s just staring at you with a curious look and then back to Garcia. 

“Well I have a date-” You begin, but are interrupted by a whispered squeal.

Garcia begins a response, but stops herself when she spots a nonchalant Derek Morgan heading towards the elevators. “We will discuss this in detail during Saturday’s girls night. For now I will accept your excuse and remind you to dress your sexiest! Now excuse me while I go and intercept my sweet chocolate thunder.”

She grips you in a tight hug and scurries off after Morgan. The atmosphere shifts slightly, as you meet Spencer’s eyes awkwardly. 

“You have a date? Why didn’t you mention that” Spencer titters.

“I’m sorry, it just didn’t occur to me.” You try to lie, but Spencer’s expression gives away that he doesn’t believe you. “Okay, okay, I just didn’t wanna say anything because the last time I talked about one of my dates you got all weird and I didn’t want to upset you again.”

“Upset me? I was not upset.” He protests and folds his arms across his chest. 

“Okay what would you call it then?” 

“I wouldn’t call it anything.” 

“Oh really? So you’re not upset that I’m going on a date?”

“Nope. Not at all. I’m interested actually, tell me about him.”

You eye him carefully, trying to figure out where his head is at. Spencer has a tendency to get sassy when he feels defensive. 

“You’re interested? To hear about one of my dates?” You question with playful caution. 

“Yes. I’m always interested in things about you.” He spills. 

Your reaction to his words is immediate, a surprised jump in your features, but you manage to mask it almost just as fast. Spencer’s just as surprised as you. 

“I-I just mean- you know? Because yo-you’re my best friend.” He tries to play it off. 

There’s no way. 

You think to yourself. Spencer definitely didn’t mean it in that way. 

No he definitely didn’t. He just said so himself. You’re his best friend. Spencer Reid does not feel the same way about you.

It stings to admit to yourself, but it’s for the best. Spencer is a smart, handsome, wonderful man with so much to offer. You’re too much work, come with too much baggage, just too much.

“Yea, we’re best friends.” An affirmation more for yourself than him. 

A silence looms as you stare at each other stiffly. 

“Anyways, my date,” you decide not to linger on it for too long, “it’s with that guy I told you about, Nathan.”

“Nathan? Didn’t you go on a date with him last time?” A casual inquiry. 

“Yea!” You squeak enthusiastically, grateful that he had reverted back to his light-hearted self. 

This was something you deeply enjoyed about your friendship. The fact the two of you could flow back into casual conversation no matter what.

“So it’s a second date?”

“Yes! The first one went really well, so I thought why not agree to a second when he asked?”

“That’s good. I’m happy for you.” 

His approval should feel better than it does. For some reason, it makes you uneasy. Almost as if you don’t want him to approve. 

He has approved though, meaning he isn’t against you dating other people. He doesn’t want you the same way.

“Really?” You want to be sure, scared that you might put him off again.

“Yes! Really! If you’re happy then I’m happy for you.” A fib that you were unaware of. 

In truth, Spencer would rather crawl on the office bathroom floor than see you with some other guy. Fortunately for him, he isn’t actually going to be there to see you with this ‘Nathan’. So he doesn’t need to submit to such an awful torture. Maybe he’s being dramatic, you aren’t his girlfriend. He has no right to feel such a heavy drop in his gut. 

Part of him really is happy for you. He wanted you to feel loved, even if it wasn’t by him. God, how he wished it was by him. If friendship is what he has to settle for to be near you, then so be it. Though at times it feels like it might kill him, you being the closest person in his life, but not close enough to the point where he could call himself yours. 

“REID!”

Spencer jumps at the sound of Morgan’s voice, finding it difficult to focus on his current surroundings. He missed half the team scattering around to different parts of the bar, Morgan now his only company. 

“What’s up?” His expression shifts to a tight-lipped smile.

“Where’s your head at man?” Derek probes.

“What do you mean?” 

“I mean I have never seen you this zoned out before. You haven’t checked back in since you sat down.” 

It wasn’t intentional, but since you walked out the doors of the BAU all Spencer’s been able to think about was your date. You probably went straight home to get ready, pulling out all the stops to feel as beautiful as you are. For somebody that can never truly appreciate it, not like he can. 

“I guess I’m just not feeling well.” A pathetic excuse. One Spencer finds himself making whenever he’s pulled out of his thoughts about you. 

Morgan doesn’t believe him. Hell, Spencer doesn’t even believe himself. 

“Kid. You know you can always talk to me right? About anything.” 

“I know. I’m really just tired. Actually- you know what, c-could- could you just tell the others that I’m just not feeling great, I’m- bye Derek.” Spencer stutters as he rushes out of his seat. 

He doesn’t even give the man a chance to respond as he makes his exit out of the bar. He’s lacking the capability to force himself to socialise. The knowledge of you on a date with another man was something he’s been able to handle, but a second date with a man was harder to stomach. You must like him if you’re willing to see him again. 

The ride home feels longer than it actually is. How far had the date gotten? Were you enjoying it? Did Nathan make you laugh the way he could? Spencer might lose his mind. He wondered if you had given Nathan the privilege of touching you. Your skin always looked so soft, his heart panged at the thought. He felt sick. 

You were his best friend. You trusted him. He shouldn’t think this way about you, feel this way about you. Unreciprocated feelings were something Spencer was entirely used to. He’d perfected being able to put the person at the receiving end of his affections in the back of his mind. To ignore until it went away entirely.

Why was it so much harder this time? There is no universe in which you would ever return his love for you. Which is why he needs to force himself to love you from afar. It was a fact Spencer reminded himself of repeatedly. And he would’ve kept at it, if he wasn’t interrupted by the sight of you standing in front of his door as he stepped up his apartment stairs. 

“Hi!” His voice alerts you softly.

“Hi!” You squeak back, turning on your heel to face him. 

He can’t help but note how heavenly you look. It almost knocked the air out of his lungs, except he noticed the poorly wiped tears glistening on your face. He didn’t ask about it, immediately. Instead he just pulled you in for a hug, something he rarely did with others, and unlocked his door as he motioned for you to enter first. Another thing to love about Spencer Reid. 

You step inside, more than familiar with the deep green walls surrounding you. If the stench of liquor wasn’t enough, then the way you stumbled on your way to his couch was all Spencer needed to deduce that you had been drinking. A lot. He walks past you towards his kitchen, returning with a glass of water and painkillers you would definitely need later. 

“Have you eaten?” He asks softly, handing you the glass of water. 

“Um..” you take a sip and pause as you sigh, “yeah.”

The two of you just sit there, silently, stealing small glances at each other and averting your gazes before the other can notice. You know he’s waiting for you to feel comfortable enough to speak first. Except you don’t know what to say. You feel so embarrassed. He probably had better plans for tonight, but here you are, pestering him again. 

“How long were you waiting?” He speaks up once he realises that you aren’t going to.

“Not long, I had actually just gotten there, your timing was really good.” You mumble, forcing an awkward chuckle. 

“Did Nathan drop you off?” Spencer hopes that bringing up your date might give you enough courage to vent. 

“No. No, I walked.” A resigned smile creeps on your face, not wanting to talk about your journey here. “How was your night?”

“Walked?? Alone?? Drunk??” The words seep out of him before he can hold his tongue. “Why didn’t you call me?!”

“I’m sorry! I just didn’t want to bother you!” You defend. 

But you are bothering him. You’re bothering him right now.

You bite the inside of your cheek, trying to hold back tears. Guilt creeps inside him. He knows that he’s not the source of your tears, but he didn’t want to make you cry regardless. 

“Hey, it’s okay,” he takes hold of your hand and squeezes ever so gently, “we don’t have to talk about it.”

“Why don’t we play chess? You’re getting better at it, you know?” He adds, thinking of a quick distraction. 

Chess was a favourite pastime of yours with Spencer. You pull your hand out of his grip and use it to rub the opposing arm, his touch overwhelming you. He was too soft with you. You suppose it’s why you seek him out so often. Out of all the men you’ve ever known, Spencer was the only one who knew you. It felt so nice to be known. 

“Y-yea..yes. Please. Let’s uh- let’s play chess.” You stumble on your words, eager to think about anything else. 

Spencer retrieves his mini chess board from his satchel and prepares the board between the two of you. Neither of you utter a word as you play your moves. You appreciate the silence, because you know that you can’t say or do the wrong thing. 

“You’re going easy on me.” You break the silence anyway, scared that the silence might bore him. 

“You’re holding back.” He argues and you finally meet his eyes for the first time since you started the game.

“No, I’m just drunk.” You counter.

“I was the one at a bar but you’re the one who’s drunk.” It’s a stupid comment, slightly cringy even, but he earns a genuine laugh out of you. 

His dorkiness was part of his charm. Your laughter makes him smile. A comfortable silence fills the atmosphere as your eyes meet again. Spencer’s eyes were so beautiful, you could drown in them. Spencer in general was so beautiful, in every way possible. 

“It’s your move.” He has to remind you, worried that if he’s allowed to look at you for two long he might do something really stupid.

“I-uhm- I had a shitty date.” You owe him an explanation for ruining his night.

He doesn’t respond, not wanting to say anything that might make you close up again. He wanted to be the person you talked to about your problems. He wanted to be your solace. 

“It started really well. I thought I could see something more, but it turns out he just wanted the same thing as all the others. Thought that maybe if he got me drunk enough..but it obviously didn’t work” You try to lighten the weight of your words by laughing with them. “It’s probably for the best, you know? I don’t think it would’ve worked out regardless, I couldn’t stop-”

Stop comparing him to you. 

Normally, Spencer is the one with the tendency to ramble, but the alcohol wasn’t making it easy for you to shut up. You just hope he doesn’t realise where you were headed with that statement. You kept comparing your date to Spencer. Everything Nathan did today was a direct reminder of things Spencer would never do. 

“Check.” You choose to stop making a fool of yourself there.

Spencer’s breath hitches. Not because he picked up on what you hoped he didn’t, rather because he was concerned by the possible implications of what you said.

“Did he..did he try to-” 

“No. Oh my God, no!” You cut him off before he can finish the thought. 

His shoulders relax and the silence resumes. For the first time since he met you, Spencer found himself speechless. He didn’t know whether to comfort you or give you advice. Part of him felt selfishly relieved, at least he didn’t have to worry about some other guy anymore. The other part, the part that felt disgusted with himself for even thinking about himself right now, felt a mixed range of hurt for you. 

It started with resentment for the negligence Nathan displayed with you and ended with sorrow for how easily you brushed off your hurt. While he ran all the possibilities of the best thing to say, you ran all the possibilities of leaving his apartment in the least inconvenient way for him, interpreting his silence as irritation. 

He should be irritated, you’re disrupting his night. 

You need to leave before he can tell you to. Just as you’re about to mutter some bull-shit excuse, Spencer gently cups your hand with both of his hands and locks eyes with you. His voice is so painstakingly gentle, your breath gets stuck in your throat.

“Nathan and anyone else who has ever allowed themselves to be blinded by their shallow urges is an absolute fool. Idiot. Moron. There aren’t enough words in the English dictionary to describe how stupid they are for missing out on knowing you as you are. I’ve experienced a lot of good things in my life, none have ever brought me as much joy as you do. I can’t even begin to explain how deserving you are of love and it’s heartbreaking to see that you’ve convinced yourself of the opposite.”

It’s your turn to be speechless. Of the list of things you didn’t expect, this wasn’t even on the list. You should have expected it. It was in Spencer’s nature to prove you wrong for underestimating his tenderness. He felt perhaps he went too far. Said too much.

“I-I just mean-” 

“Why are you so nice to me?” Your heart feels like it’s lacking space inside your chest, tears threaten to build. 

“Because you’re my f-friend.” He struggles to utter the last word.

“Friend..” You nervously laugh.

The meaning behind his words don’t register in your drunken state. All your focus is diverted to the feeling of his calloused skin on yours. The liquor in your veins awakens dazed boldness. One you’d be too wary of displaying otherwise. You allow your fingers to dance against his, an act of intimacy not reserved for friends. He doesn’t stop you either. 

“You know…” 

it’s almost not even a whisper, 

“...if I wasn’t who I am…” 

but Spencer was an expert in tuning out everything else to focus solely on your voice,

“...maybe you could love me the way I love you.”

And the world, as Spencer knows it, stops. Your words ring in his ears and he’s sure his heartbeat has become audible. 

“Y-you love me?” He repeats, unable to suppress his need to hear those words again.

The validity of your confession doesn’t bear any weight until you hear it from him, your motions against his hand coming to an immediate stop. You shift line of sight to his face faster than you can blink, waiting for his reaction so you can scramble to save your friendship. 

Parroting your words wasn’t enough, Spencer couldn’t believe it. He had never considered it feasible for you to love him. He had spent so many sleepless nights tormenting himself over the fact. He wanted so badly to cup your face and tell you about all the thoughts of you that consumed his mind. To say those three words back. 

“You can’t love me.” Instead he said four words that strained your hope for salvation. He’d shoot himself if he had any realisation of what he had just done. 

“No, of-of c-course, I meant like an- a- amazing fr-friend. You k-know, like the kind of bes-best friend you only mean once in your lif-life.” And you unknowingly shattered that hope in him. 

Silence has never been more deafening. Neither of you can look away from each other. There’s so much to say but how can it be said now? 

“Right. No, yeah. Of course.” He forces out. 

A fake understanding between you two. The expressions canvassing both of your faces display anything but understanding. Though you’re no longer physically touching, you’re still holding each other in your view. A few moments pass and Spencer is the first to look away. 

“You must be tired-” He starts.

You were still disrupting his space.

“Right, I’ll go-” You stand, ready to rush out the door.

“No-no.” He sighs. “Stay please. It’s late and you’re drunk-”

“No I’ve alrea-” You try to protest, not wanting him to go out of his way for you any longer.

“Please. I’ll feel a lot better knowing you’re safe.” He begs, not just with his words but his eyes. 

“Okay.” You murmur. “But I’m taking the couch.”

Under any other circumstances, Spencer would have resisted you taking the couch. Today? He was utterly drained.

“Alright. I’ll get you something comfortable to change into while I set up the couch. You know where the bathroom is.” He sports a weak smile, unable to meet your eyes again. 

He watches you disappear into the bathroom after handing you some spare clothes. He sets the couch with the pillows and blankets he’d reserved for you. He bought them after you’d slept over a few times at the start of your friendship, wanting you to sleep as comfortably as possible so you would keep coming back.

You’d just broken his heart into a million pieces, so fine that he’d never be able to put it back together whole, but he still couldn’t not exert the utmost care when it came to you. 

In the bathroom, you fight back tears again as you fumble into his clothes. You’d worn this particular sweatshirt before, because you didn’t anticipate staying the night. It was never planned, often you two just lost track of time because you spent too long engaged in conversations. After a while you started leaving things at his place so you had an excuse to keep coming back. 

You can handle just being his friend, but you don’t think you can handle not being anything to him. Was there something you could do so you didn’t have to stop coming back? 

When you came out and saw your makeshift bed for the night, you felt slightly fuzzy inside. Spencer had already gone to bed but he’d covered the cushions of the couch with a thick blanket and two fluffy pillows. A fresh glass of water was waiting for you on the coffee table with the pills from earlier. 

Maybe things were okay after all? Surely he wouldn’t have put as much care into your comfort if they weren’t. So why couldn’t you shake this feeling of dread inside you? Why did the air feel so thick?

You spend most of what’s left of the night awake, curled into yourself on his couch, muffling your sobs. You’ve ruined another good thing. Pushed away probably the most important person in your life. You knew he was too good for you, he could never feel the same way. You got greedy.

Just a few feet away from you, Spencer’s in the exact same position as you on his bed. No rejection has ever hurt as much as when it came from you. He knew you were drunk, he knew you could never actually feel the same way. But aren’t drunk words sober thoughts? Statistics definitely agree they are.

The first thing you notice when you wake up is the pounding headache. Then the dry mouth. Spencer had left a glass of water, painkillers and a bagel on the coffee table. You reach for the pill first, hoping that the faster you take it, the faster it kicks in. As you practically pour the water down your throat, you see a little note next to the bagel. 

“Paper work day at the office. Make sure to eat and drink lots of water. Will tell Hotch that you’ll be late/taking the day off. - Spencer”

Thoughtful as ever. The bagel was still warm so he must’ve left recently. It was strange that he’d left without waking you up like he normally does. Your first bite of the bread jolts the memories of the night before and it hits you harder than the headache. Your appetite faded and the remorse set in. 

Shit. 

You and Spencer have always been able to bounce back, but the damage you caused last night might be irreparable. Say Spencer does forget about it, can you? You always knew he couldn’t love you back, but you never imagined that he would forbid you to love him in the first place. As much as you didn’t want to face Spencer right now, work was the best place for you to be if you didn’t want to go mad thinking about last night. 

You’d have to change into appropriate work attire first, so a trip back to your place was warranted. The whole uber ride back to your apartment you think of things to say when you see him. Things didn’t need to change. You had to apologise, obviously, but there had to be some way of apologising while maintaining normalcy. The best start was getting him his coffee and scones like you usually did. 

Meanwhile at the office, Spencer was stuck on the same page of his file. It had never taken him more than a few seconds to turn a page, but he wasn’t actually reading the words. You took up every thought in his mind again. He wondered if you were awake yet, if you remembered the events of the night before. 

“You know if I wasn’t who I am, maybe you could love me the way I love you.”

When he initially heard you say it, all he heard was that you love him.

“You know if I wasn’t who I am, maybe you could love me the way I love you.”

When he said it out loud to himself all he wanted to do was tell you how much he does love you, but the chance was ripped away from him just as fast as it was given to him. Did you even care? Or was it just an insignificant event to you? It was a lot easier to accept that you could never love him the same way before he had a taste of what it would be like if you did. 

There was this moment, when your fingers were fiddling with his and you said those words, just a second where he experienced what it could be like. He can’t go back to how it was, not now that he knows how it could’ve been. In order to protect himself from unravelling completely he has to let you go. An impossible task, considering you work together. 

“I brought coffee.” Your expression is tentative. 

Spencer looks up to see you standing above him, holding his daily coffee and scones in hand. There are no traces of the night before to be seen on you. Your makeup is fresh and you’d clearly changed clothes. You looked perfectly angelic, as always. If it were any other day, your gesture would’ve made him feel like the most special person in the world. Today, it felt like the cruellest thing in the world. 

“Do you wanna come with me while I heat it up? Or should I just bring it back to you?” You prompt. 

“No.” He rises from his seat and pries it out from your hand. “I can do it. Thank you.” 

Before you comprehend what’s happened, Spencer’s walked away. You try to follow him to the kitchen, but when you get there he’s nowhere to be seen. This seems to be a trend for the next few days. You find some excuse to try for conversation and he shuts it down after about one sentence. That’s if you’re able to get close enough to him for that sentence. It’s becoming more and more obvious that he’s avoiding you. 

You decide to give him space after about a week of it, wishing everyday that you could go back in time and change things. Around the two week mark, he starts giving you the cold shoulder, not even so much as looking at you. He couldn’t look at you. It was taking everything in him to force himself away from you, but it was easier than being near you. You weren’t the only one who could feel this change in your dynamic, the team was just as confused.

They’d all tried to investigate the root of this shift, individually directing casual questions to both of you in conversations. You’d both just brushed it off, not wanting to be the burden of the topic. Spencer had been doing so well in keeping his distance, but eventually, Hotch made the decision that enough is enough.

The BAU was in Chicago this week, hunting down another unsub who thought he was too smart to get caught. This was one of those cases that would stick with you for a while, so tensions were already high amongst everyone. Nobody was more on edge than Spencer and now he was forced in a car with you, driving around the city, chasing leads. 

Rarely did he ever get behind the wheel, but he knew he would need any distraction he could get. Driving was supposed to mean he wouldn’t be stuck in the passenger seat, fighting the urge to stare at you. Now he was fighting the urge to stare at you from the driver's seat. He hated being in love. You were trying your best to stay silent and looking out the window at the passing buildings. 

“Are you hungry?” 

That’s the first time in a month that Spencer’s been the first one to speak. He tried not to. Like he tried not to pay attention to your routine. It wasn’t possible. No matter how hard he tried, there were just some things Spencer couldn’t not do in regards to you. The most important thing was that he couldn’t not care. 

He knew you hadn't been eating properly. You had a tendency to forget about your well-being during hard cases. You were probably hungry. Somebody had to take care of you because you most definitely weren’t going to. He was right. The thought of food made your stomach growl. It was wicked timing. 

“No, thank you.” You lie anyway, not wanting to inconvenience him further. 

“Why won’t you stop lying to me?” He mutters in annoyance. 

“Excuse me?” You scoff, turning to look at him. 

He doesn’t look away from the road, pretending to not have heard you. 

“Seriously?” You sputter. “You’re ignoring me now?”

You huff as you throw yourself back against your seat. He didn’t mean to ignore you, he just didn’t know what to say. 

“I don’t understand why you’re being like this.” You mumble. 

It was already daunting when he was barely acknowledging you, but refusing to acknowledge all together? When you were the only person next to him? That was just vicious. You knew you’d fucked up, but was this necessary? You had already spent so much of yourself trying to keep it together, being confined in this car with him would waste your efforts. 

“Pull over.” You say in the kindest way possible, which was immensely harsh. “Spencer Reid pull this damn car over or I swear to fucking God I am going to jump out of it.”

That definitely caught his attention. In all your time together, you had never spoken to him in that way. You had definitely never addressed him by his full name. He brings the car to a halt on the side of the curb and finally turns to face you. You push the door open and hop out, slamming it behind you. 

“What are yo-” Spencer starts, but you’re already walking away. He quickly gets out and follows behind you. It doesn’t take him long to catch up to you and he stops you by the arm when he realises saying your name won’t make you turn back around. 

“Don’t touch me!” You yank your arm out of his grip and keep walking. 

“Where are you going?!” 

“Anywhere you’re not.” 

He tries you by your name again, but when it fails again, he grabs you by the shoulders and spins you around. You hadn’t noticed that you’d walked into an alleyway. 

“Get back in the car.” He demands.

“I am not getting in a car with you.” You have never been this upset with him before. 

“You’re being childish!” He snaps, rolling his eyes.

“Oh I’m being childish?! Spencer, believe me when I say I mean this is the nicest way I possibly can right now – FUCK OFF!” You push his hands off you and take a step back, but he just grabs your wrist.

“Listen to me,” he urges, “there is a serial killer that’s kidnapping women in broad daylight, torturing them and murdering them. And he’s threatened each of us individually during the course of this investigation. You cannot just be walking around alone, in a city you hardly know.”

“Don’t explain the details of this case to me, I’m well aware.” You snarl, your irritation increasing tenfold.

“Then why are you being so difficult?!” He screeches.

“Why are you–fucking hell, I cannot keep doing this. I’m not getting in the car when you won’t talk to me. Hell, you won’t even so much as look at me!” 

“Fine! You wanna talk? We’ll talk! Just–get back in the car. Please.” He sighs in defeat. You still don’t budge, so he pleads softer. “Please.”

You take a deep breath and roll your eyes, stealing your wrist out of his grasp. Spencer doesn’t move until you do, both of you silently making your way to the car. 

You’re both silent initially, not knowing where exactly to go from here. There’s one thing you know for sure, you won’t be the first to speak. Spencer catches on to that fast. 

“What do you wanna talk about?” He snarls, shrugging his arms. 

“Cut the shit, I won’t get back in this car if I get out for a second time.” You’re not in the mood. The two of you had avoided this conversation for long enough, it was now or never. Some part of you wished for never. 

“Fine. Did you mean it?” He shoots, briskly. 

“What?” You didn’t know which part he meant. 

“That you love me specifically as an ‘amazing friend’, I believe was your wording.” His voice cracks and it causes a shift in his behaviour. He’s no longer hostile, just hurt. 

“Is that why you’ve been avoiding me?” 

In your rush to get him talking, you hadn’t actually realised that you weren’t ready to talk about this. You were stalling. 

“Answering a question with a question.” 

This doesn’t feel like a conversation. More like an interrogation, except you’re the unsub. He scoffs bitterly at your silence. 

“Spencer, don’t–” 

“No, you’re the one who wanted to talk! You were so insistent, in fact, that you would have rather made yourself a serial killer’s target then get in a car with me if I didn’t talk to you. And all of a sudden you’re speechless?” He snaps at you. 

“Yes! I was the one who wanted to talk! I just– I can’t understand what I’ve done to make you hate me so much? Was it because I said I love you? Did it really upset you that much?” You were both shouting from frustration. 

“You think I’m upset because you love me?!” Spencer scoffs in disbelief. 

“Aren’t you?!” You bitterly laugh. 

Spencer rubs his temples and squeezes his eyes shut, mumbling some under his breath. He’s genuinely never been this frustrated in his life. 

“Are you being serious?” His voice strains in pitch, as he tries to keep himself a lot calmer than he feels. “Is this some sort of joke to you?”

“Some sort of joke–”

“Do not interrupt me again. You wanna run away from this? Fine. But you will listen because I will not have this conversation again.” His tone is sharp, like a blade being held against your throat. It definitely shuts you up.

“Talk. Okay, let’s talk about how I have spent the last four years watching you allow undeserving men to walk all over you, letting them treat you like you’re worth nothing. I damn near drove myself insane trying to figure out why. Why is it something you accept for yourself? And then I realised– that’s how you see yourself. You actually hate yourself so much that you’ve convinced yourself you deserve it! Do you realise how infuriating that is?!

Especially because it’s the furthest thing from the truth! Still, I watched you throw yourself into this vicious cycle over and over again. You gave yourself away to those idiots, knowing that they didn’t have good intentions, but you still hoped it would be different every time. I mean you’re a fucking profiler for God’s sake! How can you expect others to love you if you can’t even love yourself? 

That’s not even the worst part! You’re so desperate for their acceptance that you continuously neglect the acceptance you already have from the people who love you. People like Emily, Penelope, Derek– the team– people like– people like me. I mean I’ve always known that you didn’t love me as anything more than a friend, but your constant reminders feel like a punch to the gut! Is it that embarrassing for you to love me as anything more?

I’ve survived way worse things, but this is the cruellest thing I’ve ever been through. Because it’s coming from you! I just never expected it’d be from you.” He’s practically hyperventilating for air by the time his speech comes to a stop, the vein in his forehead more prominent than usual.

Your jaw is tense and restless, twitching from anger. Some part of you still wants to keep this friendship. The louder part knows that there’s no going back from this. You’re not entirely sure you want to go back. Your entire body is shaking from rage. The first rule of your friendship was no profiling. Not only did he break that rule, he used the profile against you as if you actually were an unsub he was interrogating. 

“That’s not fair”

His eye twitches at your response. 

“Not? Fair?” Spencer grumbles in pauses.

“No, that's not fair!” You cry out. “It’s your turn to listen.”

It doesn’t feel like there’s any oxygen left to breathe in the car.

“Self loathing? Spencer, that's your projection! You love too hard and nobody’s ever loved you back the same way. But just because you lack things you want in your life doesn’t mean you get to take it out on me! And all this talk about love, but none of it makes any sense. You think I’m embarrassed of loving you? Is that how shallow you think I am?! You’re the one who told me that I can’t love you. God, you are the most duplicitous person I’ve ever met! I can’t believe I didn’t see it. You’ve been giving me the cold shoulder because I love you as an ‘amazing friend’? Because you love me and you think I’ve been neglecting you?!”

You had never spoken to anyone this way in your life. There was so much truth to Spencer’s words, but he had no right. He’d touched every nerve in your body without ever laying a hand on you. Up until roughly twenty minutes ago, being seen by Spencer was your favourite thing in the entire world. Now? You’d never hated the feeling more in your life. 

Spencer squeezes his hand into a fist, knuckles going white and releases his fingers like if he were aggressively squishing a stress ball. If asked about a month ago, he would never in a million years think that your friendship would manage to dissipate in just a few seconds. He didn’t think he could associate the word love with you anymore.

“Let’s get one thing straight. I do not love you. I do not love anything about you. Actually, I hate you. I hate how sweet you pretend to be. I hate the stupid morning coffee you bring me, nothing tastes more bitter. I hate to admit this but you’re right; everything about you is a brutal reminder of all the good things I can never have and I despise you for it.” He spits his words out with extreme tension in his blood vessels. 

“I can’t say I’ve known what it feels like to truly loathe someone before I met you.” You fire back, breathlessly, not having it in you to spare any more words for him. 

You’re not exactly sure how long the two of you have been sitting there just glaring at each other. Only when Spencer’s phone rings do you two look away. 

“Reid.” He answers the call. “Yea, she’s still here. We’re on our way back now.”

The ride back to the precinct was silent. Even as you regrouped with the rest of the team, you acknowledged everybody but each other. The team was instantly alert to the change, but no one mentioned it at the time because of the high stress of the case. You wrapped the case up a few days later and only then did the questions start making their way around. 

“Is everything okay between you two?”

“Do you wanna talk about it?”

“What happened between you and Reid?”

“What’s up with Boy Wonder over there?”

You didn’t entertain any of them, Spencer had taken up enough time in your life. You refused to talk about him, look at him or acknowledge him at all. He shared that same incentive. Another three weeks passed as the team watched what was once the closest duo in the BAU, pretend that their counterpart didn’t exist. 

If one of you was in a room and noticed the other enter, you’d walk out without drawing attention to the situation. When leaving the room was not an option, you either went as far in the opposite corner of the room as you could or you’d simply pretend the other wasn’t present just a few metres away. You wouldn’t discuss intel with each other about cases, sharing your findings with anybody else. 

Since Chicago, Hotch only assigned you with Spencer once more, but quickly realised that wasn’t going to help when both of you begged to be assigned with someone else privately. If you were in a discussion with someone and they started talking about Spencer, you’d tune out entirely. After a while the hating game got exhausting.

Spencer hated pretending that he hated you. He felt an immense amount of guilt for the things he’d said, but it was too late to take it back. He thought it would be easier to deal with his feelings if he wasn’t around you all the time, but it was just as difficult as before. You still lit up the dull grey rooms of the building. The only difference was that now he had to watch you shine from afar. 

In truth, you didn’t hate Spencer either. What you actually hated was that you didn’t hate Spencer. You still caught yourself staring at him for long periods of time. There were days when you’d go to his favourite coffee shop before work and buy his order, only to give it away to somebody on the street because you didn’t want to ruin Spencer’s day with the bitterness of your coffee. 

By the fifth week since you had gotten back from Chicago, you and Spencer were no longer ignoring each other as much. You’d gotten into a routine of professionalism for the sake of the team, only talking to each other about cases when necessary. That didn’t stop you from subconsciously showing subtle gestures of love. These were a lot quieter than the gestures you showed when you were friends. 

You’d make sure that there was always a fresh pot of coffee in the office kitchen, so Spencer would have it ready to drink whenever he needed. He’d make sure that the snack cupboard was always filled with your favourite snacks because he knew you liked having something to munch on when catching up on paperwork. You’d keep extra painkillers in Garcia’s lair knowing Spencer would retreat there when a migraine hit.

He’d ensure the aircon was always set to room temperature, you get uncomfortable if the room was too cold. Both of you were aware of the little gestures too, no one else knew your truly niche preferences. Neither of you was brave enough to actually go up to the other, though. It was all too much for you. No matter what was said, he was still your thoughtful Spencer deep down and it killed you.

You’d tried to talk to Spencer a few times, building up the courage for days in advance. As soon as he noticed you heading in his direction, he nearly bolted in the other direction. His avoidance didn’t end at the office. You recently became aware that Penelope had been scheduling rosters to invite you and Spencer to outings, trying to ensure you were present for equal amounts of time. 

You were chilling at her desk in wait for her, when you noticed a little note with your name next to a date and time. Under that was Spencer’s name with a separate date and time. 

“Hey! What are you doing here?” She greets you.

“I needed to talk to you…Penelope what is this?” You hold up the little pink sticky note.

Penelope sets her octopus mug down and takes the note from your hand. 

“This? This is nothing.” She fumbles a bit as she speaks.

“Garcia?” You purposefully speak with warning.

“Okay! Okay! But you didn’t hear it from me! We’ve kinda been taking turns hanging out with you and Spencer sometimes. But it’s because we love you and don’t want to make either of you-” She starts a panicked tangent.

“Garcia!” You interrupt her before she sends herself into a spiral. “There’s no need to do all of this. Yes Spencer and I aren’t close anymore, but you guys don’t need to go out of your way for us.”

“Well..” She grits her teeth and tilts her head.

“What?” 

“We didn’t really mean to. It’s just we noticed that Spencer would never come if you were going. And both of you just straight up refuse to talk about it, so this was the best we could come up with.” 

“Oh. Penny, I’m sorry that you guys have had to do that.” That was all you could say, your head hanging in guilt.

“Can you at least tell me why you won’t talk about it? I mean it makes sense for Boy Wonder, he’s always been stubbornly private, but you’ve never not told me anything!” 

You look towards Garcia again, thinking for a minute. You didn’t know exactly why you refused to talk about it. 

“I don’t know, honestly. I just don’t want to talk about it, if that makes sense?” You pull your friend in for a hug as an apology. 

You felt awful leaving her lair without giving her a proper answer or a resolution. It didn’t matter how professional you acted, this rift would always impact your friends and your work life. 

Spencer would always impact everything in your life. 

The guilt didn’t spare you that night, creeping its way to the forefront of your mind every few minutes. It had been four months since your last fight. It was the longest you’d gone without Spencer. This had to end for the sake of the team. That was how you found yourself standing at his door once again. After a few minutes you finally knock. You didn’t know what you were going to say, honestly you just wanted to run before he answered. You hear the locks being undone, but it’s not Spencer who answers when that door finally swings open.

“Yes?” 

It’s a woman, one you've never seen before. You’re taken aback and look around to make sure you got the right apartment. This was definitely Spencer’s apartment, you’d been here a hundred times before. And some woman was answering his door for him. Some very beautiful woman. 

“Can I help you?” She follows up, looking you up and down. 

“Hi, yeah, sorry, is–um– is Spencer here?”

“Who’s asking?” She’s definitely not very friendly. 

“We work together. Is he here or not?” You didn’t have the patience for this, annoyance seeping through your pores. 

“Who’s at the door?” His voice emerges from behind her and he finally shows up. “Oh.”

“Hey.” You glance away as soon as you see him. 

“Could you give me a minute?” He turns to the woman. She flashes a sickly sweet smile and kisses his cheek before disappearing inside. Spencer shuffles out to the corridor, closing the door behind him.

“That–uh–that was–” He stops himself, clearing his throat and switching to his professional voice. “What are you doing here?”

Cold.

“I was hoping we could talk.” You bite the inside of your cheek, trying to play off what you just saw. 

“What more is there to say?” 

“About the team. I came over to, um, apologise and maybe move past things for the sake of the team.” You were looking everywhere but at him. 

“Honestly?” His eyes are on you though. “I don’t care. And even if I did, I don’t want to hear it.” 

He starts to walk away, but turns back and mentions your name like it’s the most vile word in the dictionary. “Please don’t come back here. It’s hard enough at work, I don’t want to see your face in my personal time too.” 

With that he re-enters his apartment, leaving you standing in the hallway. It’s hard to imagine that this man was once your best friend. If you didn’t know about all the good times, you wouldn’t have believed it. Every tear that your body could ever produce streamed out of you for the rest of the night. Once you had made it back to your apartment, they broke out in sobs. In your line of work, you had survived being shot at, almost blown up and even a kidnapping once.

The man you loved with every fibre of your being looking at you like you were less than filth under a person's shoes was your breaking point. There was no way you were going to face him again. You needed to forget about Spencer Reid, which meant a fresh start. This city was a constant reminder of his essence, you couldn’t stay. You plopped down on your bed with your work bag, reaching into it for your work computer. Hands twitching as you type. 

You remember being so proud when David Rossi recommended you for the FBI’s Behavioural Analysis Unit. You were even more ecstatic when Hotch actually requested your transfer there. You had worked your ass off for it. It was there that you met the infamous Doctor Reid. He was much different than how you had imagined him. He was so charming, friendly and so down to earth, not liking him wasn’t an option. The two of you had so much in common, despite being so different, it was the foundation for your friendship. His caring nature pulled you in further, you soon found yourself deeply in love with him. 

Tears flooded your keyboard as all your memories with him flash through your brain. His friendship was a beautiful bonus of the job you once loved, you never thought that he would become the reason you’d leave it. Yet here you were, furiously drafting your resignation to Agent Hotchner. There were so many signals in your brain telling you to back off, to open a bottle of wine and drown your sorrows instead, but your heart didn’t feel like that would be enough. Your love for your job didn’t outweigh your desire to run.

Spencer Reid was your best friend and being in love with him is an excruciating torture. One that you can no longer endure. You had never been more sure of anything as you are at this moment and you weren’t going to give yourself time to change your mind. Your time with Spencer and, as a consequence, your time at the BAU had come to an end. Another memory flashes through your mind as you sign the letter off with your name. A case in Boston had gone wrong and you were really hung up on it. Spencer, in an attempt to help you move on, shared a quote with an author he had recently read. You bitterly chuckle to yourself at this recall and press send with no second thought.

 “Getting over a painful experience is much like crossing monkey bars. You have to let go at some point in order to move forward.” - C.S. Lewis.

Spoilers: BAU! Reader, friends to enemies, mutual pining, hurt, angst no comfort, whump (maybe idk), Reader & Spencer are both idiots, they should probably consider therapy actually, Spencer is a sassy little shit, but really just needs a hug and a class on communication. 

AN - You’ve heard of enemies to lovers/friends, now I present to you the exact same thing in reverse (been done time and time again, I’m not in any way original <3). You can blame Ariana Grande for this one. Sorry that I haven't posted, I've had insane writers block. I might be slightly incapable of shorter word counts, I’ll try to improve that.  I apologise for grammar/anything that does not make sense, I am both an idiot and also was dealing with a bad case of the flu when I wrote this. I’d like to thank @reidmotif for curing my writer's block and inspiring me on the second half of this fic. Thank you @starstruckbambi for proof reading this.

Drop thoughts & feelings so I can ponder on them. Always remember that I’m in your walls. 

Thank you for reading!

#spencer reid fanfiction #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid x you #spencer reid imagine #spencer reid #criminal minds fanfiction #criminal minds imagine #criminal minds x reader #criminal minds fandom #ssa spencer reid #bau team #spencer reid fic #spencer reid angst #angst fic #criminal minds angst #spencer reid whump #whump fic #spencer reid x fem!reader #fem!reader #dr spencer reid

[northern-passage]

Here are our contributors for the Interactive Fiction Raffle for Palestine!

Over 50 artists and authors from the IF community here on tumblr have joined together to run a donation drive this month! The raffle will be running from June 7th - June 21st. A separate post will be made with more information, including the rules and ticket submission form, once we're ready to launch.

Our goal is to raise as much money as possible for five specific fundraisers; we hope with us focusing our efforts we'll be able to make a tangible impact for these families. Tickets will be the equivalent of the minimum GoFundMe donation ($5USD/€5), and you will be donating directly to the families and then providing us proof of donation in exchange for your ticket(s).

We plan to raffle off all prizes. Below the cut is the list of contributors for both prize tiers, along with the prize they'll be offering. (Beware, this is a long post.)

While this drive is aimed at the Interactive Fiction community, a lot of the artists have offered to take requests from winners that include non-IF characters. These are specified with "non-IF characters included."

@beezhive

One half body couple “clean” sketch with flat color, non-IF characters included.

@depressed-sock

Half body to full body, single or couple, fully rendered in my style. Non-IF characters included.

@dast4rd

A painted single character portrait. Non-IF characters included (Any other media except for live action characters).

@fat-rolls-frictions

Halfbody of single character in SuperGiant Hades' style, less details, simple grey/no background, non-IF characters included.

@greypetrel

A painted single character portrait, non-IF characters included. (Bioware characters, Tolkien universe, Star Wars, the Arcana, DnD/Pathfinder/roleplaying fantasy games)

@hadrassians

One painted semi-realistic bust OR one half body couple sketch, non-IF characters included.

@harumeau

A full color single character bust portrait. Non-IF characters included (FFXIV, Baldur's Gate, Dragon Age)

@jdstrations

Single character, bust or half-body. Fully rendered or sketchy. Can be MCs, or a favourite character (IF or Non-IF included).

@matrinki

One painted single character portrait, IF exclusive only.

@merry-harlowe

Fully rendered full body single character with a simple background!

@moonless-if

One full-body character, coloured and rendered, IF characters exclusive only.

@morticrows

One full-body character in a chibi style, non-IF characters included.

@pdrrook

Portrait/bust, semi-realism, non-IF characters included.

@rab-bitly

Half body character in an illustrative style, non-IF characters included.

@swimmingrat

A character portrait (OC, IF, non-IF characters included) in watercolour, ink or mixed media.

@trashy-corvian

Half body couple/single, fully rendered. Non-IF characters included.

@vakarians-babe

Half body couple, flat colors (monochrome or full) with finished lines. IF and non-IF characters accepted.

@cowboyhell

Painted one character with background scene, OR one custom chibi keychain charm. Non-IF characters included.

@violetaristea

A fully rendered bust or half body of one character with a simple background, non-IF characters included.

@atheone

Fully rendered single character bust, non-IF characters included.

@harbingersecho

Painted single character or couple portraits (bust or half-body) with a simple/non-detailed background, non-IF characters included.

@i-am-gogo-btw

Offering half body couple, full color, finished lines, simple background, no furry, no mecha, no gore, no nsfw and no complicated stuff (like armor), OR a full body, full color, finished lines drawing of a single character (same restrictions). Non-IF characters included.

@doctormortum

Winners choice between A) one full body drawing, lined/coloured, of one character OR B) one ~waist up drawing, lined/coloured, of two characters interacting (romantic, platonic, anything goes!) original characters or fanart, IF or non-IF, all OK! SFW only.

@cryptidling

One or two character, half or full body painted/rendered drawing, minimal background, non-IF characters included, open to nsfw.

@ligiawrites

Rendered portrait of one or two characters with a transparent background. Non-IF characters included.

@night-triumphantt

Half body couple fully rendered with simple background, or full body single character full render, non-IF characters included.

@silkhorse

Half body couple/single semi-rendered, non-IF characters included.

@neloangelo0

Rendered half body, will do couples, simple backgrounds, non-IF characters included.

@artist-faur

A single character half-body with simple background, either rendered (with ink wash or pen shading techniques,) as lineart, or in a sketch style - all using ink and pencil. Characters are from both IF and non-IF (preferably from small, obscure fandoms and media) are included.

@phanosis

A single character portrait in a painted sketch style, non-IF characters included. Monochromatic background.

@kithj

One custom, but in-character & non-spoiler, scene based on the winner's prompt with their MC and one LI of their choosing from either The Northern Passage or Blood Choke. Explicit prompts included.

@damnation-if

A 1k~ non-spoiler, in-character snippet featuring the winner's MC and a character of their choice from Damnation and Buggery. Fluffy, angst, etc and explicit prompts included.

@of-crowns-and-echoes

A 1k non-explicit, non-spoiler snippet including characters from Of Crowns and Echoes. Could be MC + RO interacting, could be just ROs interacting with each other, or a snippet with some side characters. No gore or explicit stuff.

@attollogame

A 1k non-explicit, non-spoiler snippet including characters from Attollo. Could be MC + RO interacting, could be just ROs interacting with each other, or a snippet with some side characters. 

@burning-academia-if

A 1k~ prompt featuring your MC and chosen RO/poly from Burning Academia. Both Explicit and Non-Explicit prompts are fine! The prompt cannot include spoilers.

@hpowellsmith

An interactive playable date scene with an RO or polyamorous duo of your choice from one of my released games or WIP. Non-explicit - please specify if you'd like a kiss and/or fade-to-black included in the scene.

@nyehilismwriting

A ~500-1000 word snippet ft winner's MC and their RO of choice from Project Hadea doing activities as requested by the winner, so long as it is a) in character and b) non-spoiler related.

@mayhem-writes

A 1k non-explicit, non-spoiler snippet including characters from Sanctuary. Could be MC + RO interacting, could be just ROs interacting with each other, or a snippet with some side characters.

@devilishmango

A 1k snippet including an MC + RO from either Kenneski or The Story of Sin, based off a prompt from the winner. Can be explicit!

@gamesbyalbie

A ~1,000 word, non-spoiler, in-character snippet featuring characters from Zorlok, Mousetrap, Creating Goncharov, or System Processing. Could be a scene focused on the winner's MC interacting with one character, a scene focused on two characters interacting with one another, or a scene with the winner's MC and/or multiple characters present. Fluff, angst, spice, etc. are all possibilities as long as the scene is non-explicit.

@thecottageworkshop

500-1k word snippet with winner's MC + RO from Simple Moments or a general description of preferred favorite RO type (with the creation being at writer's discretion) with MC; fluffy or angst prompts included (could do monster ROs)

@tosahobi-if

A ~500-1000 word snippet with the winner's MC and their RO of choice from Tosahobi so long as it is in character and non-spoiler related. Any type of prompts including explicit are ok!

@if-mirrormine

A snippet between 500-1000 words featuring the winner's MC and RO of their choice from Mirror Mine. The theme (fluff/angst) and prompt is up to the winner as well.

@heart-forge

A ~500-1000 word snippet featuring winner's choice from Manor Hill, Bad Ritual, or Hybrid IFs. Can feature winner's MC, NSFW/angst/hurt & comfort/AU on offer as well as regular fluff, domesticity, etc. Winner may specify what they want to be happening, or let me choose.

@chthonicchromestudio

500-1k word snippet with winner's MC + any character from FFS, Another Northern Duke?! or a general description of preferred favorite RO type (with the creation being at writer's discretion) with MC; fluffy or angst prompts included (could do monster ROs)

@fiddles-ifs

A custom, non-spoiler, in-character snippet featuring the winner’s MC and a character of their choice from Greenwarden. Fluffy, angst, etc. and explicit prompt included. AUs also included.

@springsaladgaming

A 1k~ non-spoiler, non-explicit, in-character snippet, featuring the winner's MC and an RO of their choice from either Ninelives or Valiant. Prompts may be fluffy, angsty, etc.

@oblivious-melodies

One custom, in-character 500-2000 word snippet set within the world of Oblivious Melodies. It may include characters already in the IF or an original character within the world, designed to fit the winner's specifications. Snippets may include adult themes, but will not be fully explicit.

@chrysanthemumgames

A snippet of ~500-1000 words featuring the characters of the winner's choice from Fields of Asphodel (including the winner's PC if desired). Topic can be anything from platonic interaction to a lightly-spicy romance scene, subject to character and setting constraints.

@yuveim

A romance scene featuring the winner's MC on one of six romance routes, or a character-centred scene for one of five main characters in The Spirited: Origins.

@blood-teeth

A ~500-1000 word snippet of the winner's MC and their select RO from The Mouths of Elysium from a requested prompt from the winner. This snippet will not include spoilers.

@oscarwrites

A 500 to 1000 words snippet featuring the MC and/or any characters from the games The Eight Years Revolution, Gonzague or Better Off. Explicit prompts included.

@thelonelyshore-if

A 500-2k~ custom, non-spoilery snippet featuring the winner's MC and RO (or polyship or other character) from The Lonely Shore. Fluff, angst, non-explicit romance (kissing, fade-to-black, etc.) are all welcome.

#interactive fiction #raffle #thank you everyone for your help with this!! #💗

[little-pup-pip]

Can I get a princess luna gn agree moodboard pls? TYSM!

Yeah!!

#princess luna #!!!! #i love her #she's so pretty #I love space #so this one was tons of fun to make #i hope you enjoy #sfw interaction only #sfw agere #agere #moodboard #age regression #sfw littlespace #agere moodboard #age dreaming #babyre #baby regression #mlp #princess luna mlp

[brainrot-of-a-thot]

//opens the door and slams my req on the table//

I have come to you today with a marvelous idea, my lord/lady!

Beach day! With Furin + Shishitoren boys!

Their reaction to you asking them out to the beach. Their reaction to seeing fem!reader wearing a cute yet sexy bikini. Some pervs tryna flirt with our dear reader.

Teehee.

beach daze.

or, they underestimated the power of bikinis, featuring: sakura haruka, hajime umemiya, suo hayato, jo togame, hiragi toma, choji tomiyama, ren kaji, kiryu mitsuki, nirei akihiko

a/n: y’all this was supposed to be another headcanon format thing and uh… I got a little crazy. let me know if you like this format (and if I should keep it in the future)

c/w: fem!reader, beach shenanigans, alcohol consumption, established relationships, group beach day!!!, aged up characters, language, possessive!boys!!, mostly sfw, suggestive/spicy content, headcanon format

↳ bikini blindside (or, how they fuck with your bikini)

↳ oh, god. okay, eyes up. just focus on her eyes. don’t look down, don’t look down, don’t look down — oh, shit.

sakura haruka ↦ flustered to the max. has never seen so much skin in his damn life. tries desperately to keep his eyes above your collarbones, but they keep slipping, running along your creamy skin and curves, noting the way your skin tone makes the color of the bikini pop. he’s trying desperately to fight off a hard-on — you may be his girl, but right now, you’re half naked, and that’s only something he’s imagined late at night in his room and his brain is absolutely short-circuiting right now. someone help him, please.

nirei akihiko ↦ a bumbling, fumbling, mumbling, scattered mess. his eyes are going everywhere, landing on everything and nothing at once, but somehow are always drawn right back to the skin nearly flooding out of your biking top. nirei knew you had some nice boobs; he’s felt them against his chest many times when you hugged him, but seeing them like this — oh, lord, oh no, what were you just saying? he’s trying to pay attention. he swears. but god, he desperately wants to hold them right now.

↳ everyone else here is wearing the same thing. it’s not that big of a deal, it’s just skin — holy shit.

ren kaji ↦ convinced himself he wouldn’t be affected at all, but is combusting at the sight. your skin just looks so smooth and soft, your curves so tantalizing, your boobs nearly falling out of the top and your ass jiggling so deliciously when you walk. your bikini looks more like lingerie to him, and he’s stuck between wanting to openly stare forever and cover your body so that no one else can see (which would unfortunately include him).

hiragi toma ↦ hiragi tries his hardest to be a gentleman — he doesn’t want to openly gawk at you and make you feel sexualized, but he can’t help it. his eyes are just naturally drawn to the strings at your hips, at the way they hug your soft curves so alluringly. can’t help but mentally point out just how much the color makes your eyes pop. can’t help but stir in his shorts at the thought of dragging you off somewhere to look at you in a less innocent way.

↳ goddamn, baby. how am I supposed to keep my hands off of you now?

hajime umemiya ↦ hands on you. lips on you. arms around you. body pressed against yours. umemiya is shameless in the way he ogles and gropes your body, spewing praises and pet names like liquid sin. he absolutely loves seeing you this way — it drives him up the wall with want, makes him want to hold your body to his forever and never let it go. don’t be surprised if he occasionally drags you away from the group to grope you a little more sensually.

jo togame ↦ he can’t keep his hands off of you; albeit in a more subtle way. from skimming his fingers down your ribs to fiddling with the strings at your hips, togame just wants to touch you. the way the bikini hugs your smooth body has him worked up inside, trying desperately to keep it from showing on the outside, and the only way to placate his urges is to touch you. though, if you two are in the water, he may rub his palm between your legs or guide yours between his, just so you can see how much it really affects him.

suo hayato ↦ grabs your ass. a lot. if he isn’t grabbing it, he’s coming up behind you and pressing himself against it using the guise of a hug. suo simply loves your ass; especially so in a bikini. he’s always had a thing for panties — so obviously something like this would be no different. he’s very conscious about how he touches you, though. he doesn’t want to bring others attention to what’s his.

↳ oh, that’s what you’re wearing? it looks so good on you. that color/style suits you, baby.

kiryu mitsuki ↦ one hundred percent matches with you. if your bikini is flowery, he will wear flower-patterned shorts. funny looks be damned. he just likes to dress up with you, and he doesn’t care what looks he gets because of it. definitely finds you sexy as hell in a bikini — and will make sure you know it later tonight.

choji tomiyama ↦ hype man, hype man, hype man. really, it doesn’t matter what you’re wearing. choji will hype you up. though, with your bikini on, he’s using words like ‘sexy’ and ‘hot’ far more than he’s using ‘cute’ or ‘adorable.’ isn’t ashamed to catcall/whistle at you. nor is he ashamed to be caught staring; by you, or anyone else. that’s his, after all.

↳ wet your whistle (or, what they drink at the beach)

↳ if the average human body is 60% water, then they’re 99% water.

sakura haruka ↦ he only drinks water. if someone tries to put something alcoholic in his hand, he’s throwing it back immediately.

nirei akihiko ↦ has been shitfaced a total of once in his life. never again. also, water is far healthier and you should drink more of it, especially in this heat.

ren kaji ↦ kaji just doesn’t like the fuzziness in his head and body when he drinks. he prefers to always be perceptive, and alcohol dulls his ability to do that.

↳ keg kings

hajime umemiya ↦ good lord, this man’s alcohol tolerance is way too high. he can drink a twenty-four pack and barely stumble. one hundred percent will do a keg stand and look absolutely marvelous doing it.

choji tomiyama ↦ drinks straight from the keg. he doesn’t care. alcohol tolerance is incredibly low, but at least he’s an amusing drunk. will do a keg stand and face plant in the middle of it.

↳ mojito sippers

kiryu mitsuki ↦ to be honest, you’ll probably drink more of his drink than he will. it’s not that he hates alcohol; in fact, kiryu quite enjoys it. he’s just more impartial towards light and fruity drinks. and he loves sharing indirect kisses with you.

suo hayato ↦ likes to be buzzed, but not drunk. does have a particular liking to sweeter alcoholic drinks, and he has to watch himself to make sure he doesn’t drink too much. he’s absolutely intolerable when he’s drunk (according to you, who has been the only one to ever witness it).

↳ nurses the same can of beer the entire time they’re on the beach.

hiragi toma ↦ he likes a drink, but doesn’t like the feeling of being buzzed or drunk. he will do that occasionally and in certain situations, but for a day at the beach, he’d rather just sip on something and have fun with you.

jo togame ↦ you’re more likely to catch togame with a ramune than a can of beer — but he does indulge himself every once in a while. he’s very conscientious to drink water as well, so that the effects of the alcohol aren’t as severe on his body. (secret; he’s an extreme lightweight)

↳ take a dip (or, who gravitates to the water and who prefers sand surfing)

↳ takes to the water like a goddamn fish.

hajime umemiya ↦ with or without you, umemiya is in the water. it’s his favorite part of the beach — though he finds the most enjoyment when you’re in the water with him. will have you climb on his back so he can show you that he can swim with you sitting on his back. mother fucker knows how to do every stroke in the known universe.

choji tomiyama ↦ doggy paddle. that’s all choji knows how to do. but it doesn’t stop him from swimming out into the deep ends, sending you into a straight panic every time. he can keep himself afloat, but can’t keep both of you afloat; so for the most part, you can only really hold his hand or shoulder unless his feet can reach the bottom. either way, being in the water is fun with him — because he will initiate a splash battle with everyone except you.

hiragi toma ↦ you know those people who just float on their backs in the water with their eyes closed, just completely relaxed? yeah, that’s hiragi. in some cases, you think he may have actually fallen asleep while bobbing there in the waves — but he’s perfectly awake. will let you use him as a makeshift floatie when your legs get tired.

↳ doesn’t mind the water, but needs frequent breaks from it. doesn’t like it when his fingers prune up.

sakura haruka ↦ he’s in and out quick. depending on how hot he is, he may soak in the water for a few minutes, but he doesn’t like pruny skin. he doesn’t mind standing near the shore with the waves lapping at his feet, though. will stay in the water for a bit longer if you beg him to. hates being splashed, and will yell at anyone who does it — you included.

↳ only if you’re in the water with them; be warned, they may try to dunk you or splash you.

jo togame ↦ will not splash or dunk you — will do it to others. togame actually becomes rather aggressive during splash wars; you learned that the hard way when choji splashed the both of you and togame sent a wave so powerful at him it dragged the smaller boy under the surface. if togame notices someone trying to splash you, he will block it with his own body. keeps his sunglasses on in the water. likes to wade through the water with you on his shoulders. togame can actually spend hours within the water, and even enjoys going off to the deep ends where his feet no longer touch the sea floor.

kiryu mitsuki ↦ one hundred percent holds you in the water. likes to pull you into his chest and wrap his arms around you while the water laps at your chests. kiryu isn’t the type to splash or dunk you; he might cup some water in his hand and pour it over your head randomly just to hear you squeal in surprise though. he also doesn’t like to stay in too long; thirty minutes max.

suo hayato ↦ never ducks his head below water — most of the time, he stays in areas where the water only reaches the middle of his ribs. has no issue dunking you under, though. but he doesn’t do it unprovoked. for the most part, he prefers to just chill in the water; but you shouldn’t expect any mercy if you start a splash war with him.

akihiko nirei ↦ floaties large enough for two. when in the water together, nirei often likes to sit inside a couples floatie. he likes to just ride softly on the waves with you. he will jump in the water or try to splash you every so often — with the claim that he’s just trying to keep you cool.

↳ ew, sea water? I’ll keep my ass here, thank you very much.

ren kaji ↦ hates the taste of sea water. hates feeling weird, slimy things rub against his foot. hates sudden drop offs. kaji is perfectly fine with swimming in a pool, but the sea is a no go. you’re better off just sitting in the sand with him, because you aren’t getting him in that water.

↳ you draw more eyes than just theirs (or, how they react to other men hitting on you)

↳ wants to throw hands, but doesn’t want to make a scene; will posture and attempt to glare the guy away.

sakura haruka ↦ sakura’s eyes are ice-cold and trained only on the guy. his arm is thrown around your bare shoulders and you’re practically crushed to his side. sakura won’t lash out, but he will make sure the man knows that there’s no chance for him. you’re sakura’s, and he will establish that as non-physically-aggressive as possible. (he’s still thinking about laying the douche out though.)

hiragi toma ↦ sometimes, hiragi is downright scary. and that’s never more apparent than when he’s glaring at a man who’s a little too close to you. his posture is set entirely to defense, and the full bulk of his power is displayed through his muscles. in the majority of cases, the sight of hiragi alone is enough to deter any advances; those that aren’t deterred immediately are in only a few seconds of hiragi glaring at them.

ren kaji ↦ man’s has the intent to kill in his eyes when someone checks you out or flirts with you. who knew that a man with a bowl cut and a sucker in his mouth could look so deadly? no one at the beach, obviously. kaji is a true guard dog, stuck to your side and snapping and snarling at any stranger. he just doesn’t want anyone to touch what’s his.

↳ is quite irked, but also too nervous to really say or do anything other than stay very close to you to ensure he doesn’t try anything funny.

akihiko nirei ↦ nirei hates it when other guys check you out or hit on you — but the poor baby hates confrontation just a little bit more. when you’re being hit on, you’re the one who’s defensive, deflecting the guys advances easily and motioning to nirei to solidify that you’re taken by him. if nirei starts to feel threatened by him or if he feels he’s being a little too aggressive towards you, he may employ the help of suo and sakura to scare the guy off.

↳ surprisingly, he isn’t all that bothered by it. you’re hot. of course people are going to hit on you. but you bet your ass he’s right there beside you, listening to everything the man is spewing and ready to (and will) throw hands if he needs to.

choji tomiyama ↦ he knows you’re hot. he knows some may look at your hand in his and wonder how the hell he managed to bag you. but despite that, choji feels secure in your relationship, so when someone is hitting on you, it doesn’t faze him. even when the man’s eyes fall lower than your chin he doesn’t particularly mind; he knows that’s his body, and this jerk would never have a chance. but choji does keep a close eye on the man’s hands, just in case he gets a little too gutsy in the face of choji’s apparent indifference. choji will drop him in .2 seconds.

kiryu mitsuki ↦ kiryu is one of the most mellow guys you’ve ever met. he’s soft spoken and gentle, and despite his inclusion in bofurin, he doesn’t particularly enjoy violence. as such, he’s not aggressive when another guy is hitting on you. he keeps a hand on you, however — wether it’s by holding yours or placing an arm around your waist, he subtly shows the guy that you are indeed taken. and just because he doesn’t particularly enjoy violence doesn’t mean he won’t lay a man flat should he get too ballsy.

suo hayato ↦ suo looks as unaffected as ever; that charming smile still fixed on his face, head tilted only slightly and visible eye closed — but rest assured, he is assessing everything about the man. he’s assessing his stance, his body, his intentions. suo isn’t irked by men hitting on you or checking you out. it’s just something that will happen, and in some ways, it makes suo feel good — because then he has that internal pleasure of being the arm you’re hanging off of. but he doesn’t do well with others trying to touch; that’s a hard no-no. suo will make him eat sand if he tries.

↳ don’t think about it, dude. just don’t. he puts off a presence so large and dangerous that no one would dare approach you — and the ones who do are pissing their trunks only seconds later.

hajime umemiya ↦ umemiya is very intimidating — even more so when he’s around you. of course, when he’s interacting with you it’s similar to watching a lovestruck puppy yap and bounce around their owner; but when he catches the gaze of a man who’s looking a little too intently at you, his entire demeanor changes. he looks less like a puppy and more like a snarling wolf ready to pounce. it certainly deters any potential suitors from you — and the ones who do get gutsy enough to approach when they believe he’s out of earshot are quickly scared away by a sudden and rather aggressive return. again, don’t even think about it, dude.

jo togame ↦ he’s been glued to your side since you arrived at the beach, scoping out the crowd of people from behind dark shades when he wasn’t paying attention to you. togame keeps his eyes primarily on the swarm of men that seem to be inching just slightly closer to your spot on the beach — he’s already caught a few staring openly at you, prompting him to squeeze you close to his body or pull you in for a kiss every time he did. he’s possessive, he can’t help that. and from the way you giggle and stare up at him all dazed, he gets the feeling you don’t mind it one bit.

omfg I had way too much fun imagining a beach day with all of these boys. like the way they would interact with each other urggghhh <3 amusement part headcanons next anyone?

#wind breaker #wind breaker x reader #jo togame x reader #hajime umemiya x reader #haruka sakura x reader #hayato suo x reader #nirei akihiko x reader #ren kaji x reader #mitsuki kiryu x reader #choji tomiyama x reader #hiragi toma x reader

[ellecdc]

MOTHERR

Happy Mother’s Day 💐🌷🤭

Anyways, the marauders brainrot continues….I know shocking 😮 , my obsession will never end at this point in time. Oh well, art is kicking my ass and I need something to bring back my spirt lol.

Sooo, could I perhaps, if possible, request a poly!wolfstar? In which;

There’s a party in the commons, after a quidditch match or sm (idk 😭?) and shy reader (preferably female) dresses in only Remus and Sirius’s clothes but somehow finds a way to make her own twist on it and she look beyond gorgeous, all decked out. She doesn’t tell Sirius or Remus and the two don’t realise how much of their clothes and ect. Untill the spot her at the party talking with the girls, and are both shunned because their shy girlfriend is all dressed up, showing skin, confident and all, and in their clothes only, not a single thing of hers.

-🍄

firstly, thank you so much for your mothers day wishes hahahaha I was spoiled for sure. secondly, thank you for your request!!

poly!wolfstar x shy!reader who surprises her boyfriends

CW: mention of drunk friends but no description of drinking?, sexual implications at the end but nothing described and SFW

Remus felt slightly guilty that he wasn’t downstairs to greet you when you arrived at the Gryffindor after party following their latest quidditch win.

The reason he wasn’t there wasn’t even a very good one; it was simply that Sirius always came back to the dorms to shower instead of showering in the team’s locker room and was always riled up (just the way he liked him).

In other words, it was selfish and self-serving.

Which was perhaps why he was currently rushing his boyfriend as he painstakingly styled his hair to look perfectly un-styled.

“Pads, you’ve flipped your hair seven times already, can we go?”

Sirius flipped his hair four more times as he let out a scoff. “Easy bubs; you know I like to be fashionably late.” He responded as he righted himself, shooting Remus a salacious wink in the reflection of the mirror on his dresser.  

“We’re going to miss the party altogether at this rate.” Remus muttered petulantly.

Sirius let out a noncommittal hum as he pulled the collar of his buttoned-up shirt lower in order to show off the new love bite on his neck from Remus, and a few older ones on his chest that you had given him in hopes no one else would see them there.

How wrong you would be.

“I could think of other things we could do instead.” Sirius offered as he stalked towards the chair Remus was currently pouting in and straddled his lap.

“You were the one who wanted to attend the party.” Remus pressed as he allowed Sirius to press lingering kisses along his jawline. “Neither me or your girl were very keen.”

“I’m sure she’d be happy if we took a raincheck.” Sirius responded as he continued his assault down Remus’ neck.

“Perhaps if she wasn’t already downstairs.”

That seemed to snap Sirius out of his ministrations as he looked at Remus incredulously. “Then what in the buggering fuck are we doing up here? Merlin’s saggy balls, let’s go Moony.” He barked as he stood abruptly and yanked Remus’ arm, forcing him to follow.

Remus was only slightly embarrassed that he had to adjust his trousers as they exited the dorm room.

As Remus had predicted, the party was in full swing by the time they made it down to the common room.

Peter was maybe three sips of whatever was currently in his red solo cup away from spending the rest of the night hunched over the toilet bowl, James was already completely ignoring everyone else around him in favour of staring love-drunkenly at Lily as she spoke emphatically to Mary, Alice and Frank were snogging to near pornographic levels in the corner of the room, and Marlene was passed out in Dorcas’ lap as she conversed with…you.

Just when Remus was certain he couldn’t love you more, your sweet, timid, lovely self showed up to a Gryffindor party on behalf of your extroverted boyfriend after they took their sweet ass time to join you when both he and Remus knew quite well that there were probably several hundred other things you’d rather be doing 

And not to mention when you show up looking like that.

“What is she wearing?” Sirius whispered on an exhale; his steps faltering as he took you in.

What were you wearing?

You looked to be wearing – “is that your button up shirt?” Sirius finished Remus’ thought.

And based on the fit and length, it appeared you were, in fact, wearing Remus’ dress shirt.

Though it was cinched at the waist by – “that’s your belt, Sirius.”

“That little minx is stealing our clothes, Moony.” Sirius laughed; equal parts exasperated and lovesick.

You chuckled at something Dorcas said before you turned your gaze to the rest of the party where you spotted your boyfriends.

“What are you wearing? Or should I ask who since you look like you ought to be on a red carpet or something?” Sirius asked in way of a greeting as he made for you, causing your shoulders to migrate upwards as you smiled timidly at them.  

“Hi, dovey.” Remus greeted you as he pressed a kiss to your cheek and shot a wink at Dorcas who was already looking at the two of them knowingly.

“Your girl looks smashing tonight, boys.” She commented; taking a sip of her drink from one hand as she used the other to pet Marlene’s hair.

You, for your part, turned to Dorcas with a look of unadulterated betrayal.

“She looks smashing, always, Meadows; but I have to agree that I like this look, baby girl. Stand up! Give us a spin.” Sirius said as he pulled you up by your hands.

“Sirius…” You chided pleaded quietly as your eyes nervously darted to Remus as if screaming ‘help’.

“Humour me.” Sirius pushed; twirling his finger in a circle to reiterate his earlier demand.

You rolled your eyes and crossed your arms protectively around your middle but acquiesced to his wishes.

After a few wolf whistles and an actual round of applause from Sirius, and ooh’s and aah’s from Remus, you turned back towards them and Remus could almost feel the heat radiating off your face.

“You played a good game, Siri.” You commented instead of hello, or thank you, or sod off you wankers, which made Remus all the more smitten with you.

“That’s old news, gorgeous.” Sirius dismissed quickly, eyes still darting over your form as if committing this sight to memory. “I’d rather talk about you.”

“I’d rather not.” You argued quickly.

“Tie breaker votes talking about you, sweetheart; sorry.” Remus responded, not particularly sorry at all if it meant he got to keep looking at you.

You harrumphed quietly and looked down at your converse which seemed to be the only article of clothing you were wearing that belonged to you. “You guys are being mean.”

Both boys immediately started cooing and apologising profusely; Remus pulling you protectively into his side as they fussed over you.

“Can’t believe I was upstairs all this time staring at Sirius when I could’ve been down here looking at you.” Remus commented quietly into your hair, but from Sirius’ indignant squawk, he was clearly overheard. 

Your responding smile was well worth it though. 

“Are these my earrings?” Sirius asked then, pushing hair behind your ear to expose the dangly star and moon earrings that Sirius had bought back in fifth year when he and Remus first started dating. 

“I thought it looked good with the ‘fit. I had a vision.” You admitted; tone still shy but words far braver than Remus thinks he’s heard from you with this many people around. 

“And you were right.” Remus agreed readily. 

“The vision was great babes; it’s like I picked it out myself.” Sirius said with a wink. “The only thing better would have been if you showed up in only your knickers.” He stated with finality; seemingly proud of his proclamation and of his girlfriend. 

Remus was expecting you to flush horribly at that as your eyes darted nervously around you.

Except you didn’t.

Instead, a mischievous grin spread across your lips as you looked up at the boys in front of you.

“They didn’t go with the vision.”

Both boys stared at you with varying levels of bemusement as Dorcas let out a snort behind you. 

“What didn’t go with the vision?” Sirius accused quickly. 

“Knickers, you tosser.” Dorcas answered from behind you. 

Remus felt a blush of his own take over his face as he realised you had been waiting down here for your boyfriends looking like that without anything underneath your ensemble.

“Are you serious?” Sirius asked stupidly.

“No, you’re Sirius.” You giggled as if you made a truly funny joke, cluing Remus into the fact that you had these boys exactly where you wanted them.

In the palm of your hand.

“Better make a move quick, Black.” Marlene slurred as she rose from the dead sleep and blinked at the boys owlishly - one eye beginning to open before the other had even shut. “Otherwise we w- we will.” 

Remus barked a laugh as Dorcas lovingly rolled her eyes and tried to tame Marlene’s now unruly bedhead, but Sirius appeared to take the threat earnestly as he quickly picked you up and threw you over his shoulder, ignoring your surprised squeak and subsequent protests as he raced up the stairs to the boys’ dormitory. 

“Quickly now, Moony.” Sirius called as he took care to cover your arse with one of his hands lest your ‘Remus’-shirt-turned-dress’ were to ride up. “Can’t believe I let you waste all that time getting ready when our beautiful, gorgeous, lovely girl was waiting for us.” 

Remus rolled his eyes as he followed the sounds of Sirius’ faux chiding and your squealing laughter, wondering if Sirius’ diligent eleven flips of his hair was worth attending a party for four and a half minutes.

#marauders era #marauders au #marauders fanfiction #reader insert #self insert #sirius black #remus lupin #remus lupin x reader #remus lupin x you #remus x sirius #wolfstar #poly!wolfstar #poly!wolfstar x reader #poly!wolfstar x you #wolfstar x reader #wolfstar x you #the marauders #marauders #poly!wolfstar fluff #poly!wolfstar blurb #poly!wolfstar imagine #ellecdc fics #elle's 🍄

[littletism]

am i the only one whos bothered by the fact that we as regressors constantly have to hammer in the fact that we're "sfw agere"?

nsfw agere doesn't exist. that isn't a thing.

idk i guess im just bothered that its something we constantly have to specify, when in my opinion its redundant and unnecessary. we should be allowed to just say we're agere. agere is sfw, period.

i understand saying sfw little or sfw littlespace!! that i completely get, as those terms CAN be used in an nsfw manner. but agere? why?

#︶︶ ˚ babbling #age regression #sfw age regression #sfw agere #age regressor #agere #noncom agere #agere blog #sfw littlespace #sfw little blog #agereg #age dreaming #agedre #sfw agedre #agedre blog #sfw age dreamer #age dreamer #sfw age dreaming

[togament]

umemiya is such a sweet big brother type of character i feel he's a BIG family man so imagine the sort of thoughts that would be thunk when he sees his s/o taking care of the younger furin members/children in general.. 👉👈 could be both nsfw and sfw too hehe

eeeee an ume ask! tysm anon. of course, i live to provide for the ume girlies too. him being a huge family guy is making me sweat a lil. hoooooo- 🥹

thinking about being fresh into a relationship with ume and him… realizing some things way too soon.

𝐂𝐎𝐍𝐓𝐄𝐍𝐓 𝐖𝐀𝐑𝐍𝐈𝐍𝐆𝐒 : breeding breeding BREEDING. breeder ballz ume. imagined sexual scenarios. general seggs.

NSFW under the cut. +18 stuff. MDNI, pookie. sowwie. you know the drill.

just like most nights, you and the Furin boys congregate to the Pothos Café.

also just like most nights, you find yourself standing over the first years’ table, playfully nagging at sakura for getting scratched up after you just patched him up good yesterday.

ume, being the absolute best boyfriend that he is, he doesn’t look on in jealousy. hell. he’s smiling so stupidly that hiragi spares him a glance and grins at him.

“take a picture it lasts longer,” hiragi teases, taking a sip from his black coffee, nudging ume out of his love induced stupor.

“can you blame me though? I mean, look at them,” he sighs wistfully, motioning to your table. hiragi follows his gaze.

you’re still there, fighting and giggling with a now red sakura, desperately trying to reach him to clean his wounds. it’s absolute chaos but seeing you getting along with the furin members and doting on them like your own siblings is only making ume fall for you even harder.

how his heart swoons at the thought of having you be a permanent fixture to his found family. how he wants to get married to you one day, to take care of a family of your own. “she’d be such a good mother to my kids,” he thinks. but before he realizes he was thinking out loud, he slowly turns to a smirking hiragi. “hm? say whatnow?” hiragi prods.

Pause.

‘she’d be such a good mother to my kids,’ he finally manages to think silently. he rotates that thought around in his mind like a puzzle, panicking inwardly. isn’t it a bit too soon to think of those things? right? I mean, you just got into a relationship with him after being friends for years — can’t be, right? to save face, he only chuckles, waving hiragi off with a limp hand.

“it’s a grown up thought. you wouldn’t get it.” he teases. but damn. just looking at you from across the café right now’s stirring a different type of feeling within him.

he finds you again in his thoughts that night in his room, your tight cunt is in the form of his fist. your name falling from his lips as he pumps on his length. his eyebrows are knit together so tightly, his eyes closed, imagining you laid out on his bed, pussy dripping with his cum. if he can’t have you the way he wants right now, he’ll just have to put his mind to work.

he hooks one of your legs over his shoulder as he slides in for the nth time that night in his thoughts, the wet squelch ever audible. he’s reaching you deeper in this position now, eager to shoot more of his load as close to your womb as possible — overload it, even. it spills, drips down onto his bedsheets but he doesn’t care.

“y-you’re gonna be such a great mother,” you hear him groan. you’re way too fucked out to respond while his eyes are raking down your naked form, breasts bouncing with every harsh thrust. sweaty and panting, you reach down to rub at your clit and he bites back a moan at the added sensation. you’re tightening up around him. his fat breeder balls slap against your ass. it’s fucking amazing how endless his stamina is. you can only let out a weak whimper in response.

some days, he makes love to you so gently in his mind, taking his sweet time to bring you the pleasure you so deserve. pressing gentle kisses along your legs, your belly, your chest.

but lately, he’s been wanting to fold you over and fuck you senselessly, fucking his cum deeper inside of you. it’s downright nasty, rough—but can you blame him?

he needs to fucking breed you.

“gonna fill you up, baby. gonna put a baby in ya-“ he reaches down to cup your cheek in his hand. you instinctively lean into his touch and he swears his heart skips a beat. “y’want that? all plump with our kid inside of you. gonna look even more beautiful-“ he chuckles, ramming harder into you. his grip tightens around your leg, a pattern of crescents litter your soft flesh as he keeps a steady grip using it as leverage to fuck deeper.

you feel a tight coil in your belly, wanting to cum again on his thick, thick breeder cock. your fingers fly to the sheets below you, gripping so desperately with your head buried into the pillow beside you. moans and screams muffled by the saliva-soaked material.

“that’s right, sweetheart. cum. cum with me. f-fuuugh-!” a groan leaves your boyfriend’s lips as he feverishly rubs at your clit, bringing you to cum with him. a mixture of his juices and yours dribble down his balls and down your thighs, soaking the mattress further.

-

his toes curl and his back arches away from his bed as he pumps his cock desperately, your name escaping his lips unbidden in pants and whimpers. his cum squirts far, even reaching his cheek and his pillow.

“fuuuuck,” he whispers to himself, sitting up from his bed to wipe himself up, already dreading the clean up process.

but his doorknob turns with a gentle knock on his door.

you catch him looking like a deer in headlights, cock still in hand and cum smearing his uniform and cheek.

smirking, you step inside his room slowly, eyeing him down with a blush creeping up your neck.

“I’d be a ‘great mother’, huh?”

the door closes with a click behind you.

shit.

౨ৎ ˙⋆.˚ ᡣ𐭩

a/n: 😮‍💨 gotta love me some desperate ume.

#windbreaker #wind breaker #windbreaker x reader #wind breaker x reader #windbreaker smut #wind breaker smut #hajime umemiya x reader #umemiya x reader #umemiya hajime x reader #umemiya smut #winbre smut #ume <3 #bibi spicy asks #bibi spicy yaps #yummy yummy ume

[sprout-fics]

sprout do you have any thoughts about poly ghostgaz dynamic with reader?

Oh this is very interesting. There is not nearly enough GhostGaz content, and I think this is an interesting challenge for a character study.

Gaz and Ghost in a poly dynamic, from what I've seen, is usually only done with the inclusion of the third team member (primarily Soap) which makes sense. We see that Price and Ghost know each other prior to the assembly of the 141, and Ghost and Soap are partnered for an entire campaign in MWII. The two of them together get very minimal interaction, so most of what I'm theorizing here is up to interpretation.

GhostGaz x Reader Poly Dynamics

(Gif credit @yumethefrostypanda)

(This is all headcanon and my personal take on things, feel free to disagree elsewhere)

MDNI, GN Reader, Mostly SFW, Poly dynamics, Character study

Ghost and Gaz have two diamterically opposed communication styles. Ghost is shown to be dry and blunt, communicating only what is necessary aside from a dose of humor with those he trusts. He is inherently distrustful of even his allies, as we see in the MWII alone mission, where he considers the possibility that even Price, Laswell, and Gaz are in on whatever betrayal has occurred. I imagine this changes the longer he works with the team, but suffice to say his communication with Gaz begins very minimal and closed off.

Gaz, on the other hand, is seen to be open, friendly, and sharing his thoughts with those around him (Piccadilly cutscene, and again when faced with Graves' survival) I see Gaz as someone who values communication above all else in a relationship. He trusts those around him, and when he doesn't it is very clearly evident (refusing to shake Graves' hand in a MWIII cutscene) So Ghost's closed off nature and lack of communication tends to be a large turnoff for him.

The solution to that, of course, is to incorporate a third into this dynamic to offer a buffer of sorts and facilitate this bridge. This would have to be someone who can navigate the push and pulls of a relationship between the two of them, able to discern when to push and when to give space to both of them.

That's not to say it wouldn't work. Only that Gaz and Ghost have different needs. Gaz is a giver, he needs to please his partner in order to be happy with himself. He tends to ask for little in return, which can be detrimental sometimes as you need to look for the signs of when he's offering too much. Gaz tends to offer even more when he's feeling insecure and desperate as a way of reassuring himself he feels wanted and needed.

It's not dissimilar to Ghost, who sometimes refuses to talk about his needs altogether. When Ghost feels insecure he self-isolates, broods, and doesn't communicate effectively. Other times he will demand more than what you can offer in a way that's greedy and possessive on the surface, but speaks of a desperation on the inside. Knowing the signs from both of them is crucial to making any dynamic between these two work.

At the same time, these traits of theirs actually balance themselves out. Gaz is a giver, and Ghost sometimes asks more than you can give by yourself. Together the both of you know how to handle Simon into something mildly resembling softness, allowing the worn edges of him to become less cutting, less sharp. Ghost isn't one to be coddled, but simple acts from the both of you that speak louder than words tend to reassure him he's safe, comfortable, and that he can trust you both. Give him tea, sit with him in comfortable silence as he cleans his weapons, gently offer him skin to skin contact if he needs it. You'll watch his shoulders slump, his head dip a little as he eases.

With Gaz, Simon knows how to cut through any of the doubts the sergeant may be having. It sometimes takes a firm word to snap Gaz out of any bad thoughts he may be having. Even then, it's crucial to give him an outlet in which to provide for you as a way of soothing himself. Sex plays an important role in this, with Ghost sometimes directing Gaz as he sees fit, conducive to your pleasure. This means lazily stroking his cock as Gaz eats you out, splaying a large, gloved palm over the back of Kyle's head and pushing him further into your hole. It works just as well for Simon, who sees this type of intimacy as a way for him to establish himself in his own role- a giver in a different sense.

There's still hurdles to making this dynamic work. Gaz will sometimes push Ghost to communicate before he's ready, and Ghost will sometimes be rougher with both you and Gaz than he intends. Gaz will get in his head about things sometimes in a way you can't reach, and Ghost will pull him out of it. Knowing both of them, what they need, when, how, and knowing how they express that is what makes this work.

Gaz learns to be more confident in himself and this dynamic, and Ghost learns to be better at opening up when he needs to. You're the glue that keeps them together, that allows all of you to feel open and comfortable with each other.

...You're going to need a bigger mattress though.

#ghost x gaz #gaz x ghost #ghostgaz #ghostgaz x reader #kyle gaz garrick #simon ghost riley #x reader #gender neutral reader #gn reader #reader insert

[wonuwrites]

Seventeen's Reaction When You Can't Sleep At Night.

Anyone else having a rough time sleeping lately or is it just me? Past few nights have been rough so I thought of this little thing. Also was inspired to write this based off the song "When You Can't Sleep At Night" by Of Mice And Men. Hope y'all enjoy it.

Warning: mentions death of a loved one, anxiety, nightmares, fluff/angst in some places, minor cussing, fairly sfw but Dino's is a bit suggestive so MDNI, oh also some pet names like: Sweetheart, Baby. Love, Babe, idk the cute names and shit lmfao.

☾ S. Coups:

Your mind was racing and you couldn't help but stare up at the ceiling. You felt a bit guilty because you kept tossing and turning when you were attempting to fall asleep. Seungcheol who was next to you didn't say anything but you made him turn slightly as well while keeping his arm loosely around your waist. He was sound asleep and truth be told you envied him. You wish you could sleep like him. As if he could hear your envious thoughts, you felt his lips on your shoulder before he pulled you closer to him. "Still awake, sweetheart?" You nodded before turning over to look at him. He kissed you and pulled you closer to him. He'd ask you what was on your mind and would do everything in his power to help you sleep. He wouldn't even close his eyes until he knew you were asleep for sure.

☾ Jeonghan:

You made your way into the kitchen to get a cup of water. You were almost 80% convinced that sleep was not going to happen that night because a random bout of anxiety was just eating you alive. What was the anxiety? You had no fucking clue but it just kept nagging at you and you hated it. You just felt so small and you couldn't find your center. You remember a luke warm glass of water used to help one of your friends back in high school so you decided to try it. You only took a sip before tears threatened to fall which made you take a shaky breath. You leaned against the kitchen counter and tried your best not to breakdown but that didn't work to well. Soon you just let it out. You didn't know how long you were there but you felt someone come up behind you and pull you into his embrace. Jeonghan noticed you were taking awhile to come back to bed and decided to look for you. When he found you crying in the kitchen he felt his heart break into a million pieces. He wanted to give you space at first but also felt that you needed someone at that time so he just came and hugged you. You started to cry into his chest harder which he just rocked you until you were done and ready to talk about it. Sleep could wait.

☾ Joshua:

The first few nights after Jisoo left for tour or various schedules were the worst. You had become completely reliant on him and needed to feel his side of the bed had something in it. You had done everything to make it seem that way with adding weighted blankets, books, or even a pet. Nothing worked long term and tonight you felt it. You thought maybe you could gaslight yourself and get some rest that way but no. Nothing was working. Your eyes were tired but the rest of you was not. You decided to scroll on social media and watch fancams of him and hope that would help and it almost did until Jisoo decided to shoot you a text to let you know that he had just got to his hotel. Instinctively, you called him which made him nervous and confused. It was nearly 2:30 am in where you were and you were awake? Before he could even scold you in concern you told him you couldn't sleep. His heart would hurt a bit because he knew that you struggled sleeping when he was not there. He just stayed on the phone with you until you fell asleep. Even then he stayed on a little longer just to hear your breathing. "I'll be home soon, (Y/N,)" he would whisper, "I love you, always."

☾ Jun:

You had a huge project coming up at work in the next week and you were struggling to sleep. Jun didn't realize how bad it was until he stayed the night and noticed you were no longer snuggled into his side. He walked around the house while rubbing his eye trying to find you but it was as if you vanished. He almost gave up until he found a light under a closet door and he found it weird. He knocked on the door while whispering your name which made you gasp in shock. Before you could hide the evidence of papers everywhere Jun opened the closet door and looked at you with an emotionless face. You looked down embarrassed which made him sit down on the floor across from you. He would slowly gather the paperwork, and when you tried to protest he would just shake his head. "Baby," he would whisper, "tomorrow is your day off, how about we practice your project tomorrow after a good night rest?" You tried to protest again but he just looked at you with a pleading look. You would then feel guilty before nodding and looking down. This hurt Jun's heart because he didn't want to be a controlling person but truth be told he was worried for you. He leaned over and kissed both your left and right cheeks before helping both of you up. He led you back into the bedroom while whispering sweet nothings to you. Once you got into bed, he left the room to "hide" your project before joining you.

☾ Hoshi:

You shot up in bed screaming after having the most realistic nightmare. This nightmare has haunted you for years but you thought it was over. Especially with you now dating Soonyoung. Soonyoung jolted up as well asking what was wrong while wrapping his arms around you. You starting weeping into his chest which made him scared as hell. He hugged you as you kept saying "no" and tried his best to calm you down. His eyes started water as he realized soon that you were mumbling apologies to your ex who had passed away in the past. He never asked any information about his death but he knew that it hurt you a lot. He knew the best thing he could do was rock you and kiss the top of your head until you calmed down. Once you did, he held you like that until you started to cry again and apologizing to him. You didn't want Soonyoung to think you loved your ex more because it wasn't the truth. He whispered that you didn't need to apologize and reminded you that he was there for the good, the bad, and the ugly. "Baby, you don't have to tell me a thing if it's too much, but I'm here to listen if you are ever ready. I want to help. I love you, okay?" "okay."

☾ Wonwoo:

Your best friend recently passed from a freak accident and it was just eating you alive. Why did they have to go? Why so soon? You didn't even get to say a proper goodbye and that's what killed you. You just missed them so much and your heart hurt from it. Work had be generous and gave you a bereavement period but staying alone in your thoughts somehow made this time worse for you. You didn't admit it to anyone but Wonwoo knew you were struggling really bad. He saw the signs and knew you weren't sleeping well. Which is why Wonwoo was staying over the night of the funeral so he could do everything in his power to help you. Not with words but with actions. He made you tea and put soft music while you sat on the couch in a blanket while scrolling through your friends instagram. His heart hurt for you because he knew what it was like to lose someone. He sat next to you and put an arm around you. You leaned up against him, "I miss them," you whispered. "I know, I'm sorry." He continued to hold you until finally went to sleep.

☾ Woozi:

After a hour of tossing and turning, you realized that sleep was just not an option. You didn't know why it was so hard to sleep but it just was. You sighed as you turned on your phone and noticed Jihoon had just sent you an instagram reel. You couldn't help but smile at his name and watched the reel with a smile across your face. When you reacted to the reel you got a call pretty soon from him which you quickly answered. "You're still up?" He asked before you could even say 'hello.' This made you scoff before saying, "I could say the same thing about you." "Eh, I have an excuse. I'm in the studio." You rolled your eyes before getting an idea. "Can I come by? I can't sleep and wanna be near you. I promise I won't annoy you." He chuckled and hummed a bit. "Sure, wanna spend the night too when we are both finally sleepy?" "Yes please. I'll be there in 10."

☾ DK:

One of your many quirks was panic baking. Whenever you were stressed about something you would bake. It didn't matter if it was brownies, cakes, bread, cupcakes, lemon bars, or whatever. So many of your friends loved this little habit about you but they didn't realize you would do this instead of sleep most nights. However, Seokmin did. He came home after a long day of schedules when he smelt some goodies come from the kitchen. Normally people would be excited to smell goodies but not at 1:30 in the morning. He would sigh and make his way to the kitchen. There he saw you taking out some cupcakes. He waited for you to set the hot plate down before he called out your name. You jumped and looked at him as if you were a deer in headlights. He gave you a concerned look and that's when you broke down and told him you couldn't sleep because you were nervous so you baked because that "was all you were good at." As you continued to breakdown in front of Seokmin, he quickly made his way to you and just rocked you while you fell apart. He whispered sweet nothings and stayed there for awhile before promising to clean up the kitchen so you could take a shower in hopes it would make you sleepy.

☾ Mingyu:

It was one of those nights where sleep was the enemy. You just kept tossing and turning to a point where you were just getting annoyed. You had tried everything from white noise to brewing some sleepy time tea. Nothing worked. It wasn't until you started scrolling through instagram and noticed Mingyu just posted a photodump. You liked it instinctively and automatically got a call from your concerned boyfriend. It was 2am and his royalty was still awake? Unacceptable. When you answered his heart broke when he realized that you were struggling to sleep so he did what any good boyfriend would do and came over to snuggle. Hopefully he could help you sleep.

☾ Minghao:

It was a sleepless night the night before and you promised Minghao to a brunch date. You were exhausted by the time you got there but tried your best to shake it off so he wouldn't worry. However, Minghao knew how to read you like a book so you were not able to fool him one bit. He would just order the food to go and take your cute ass home so you could get some proper rest. He would wait for you to tell him if anything was going on but would just take care of you by brewing you a tea or cuddling you to sleep.

☾ Seungkwan:

Sleeping was never one of your talents. Honestly, you never could get the right amount of sleep. It would either be too much or too little. To say this didn't concern Seungkwan would be a lie. He would often ask how your sleep schedule was and if you mentioned you got less than 3 hours the night before his heart would break. Unlike Minghao, he would ask if anything was bothering you or what was going on but that's just because he wanted to make sure you were okay. If you were going through something, he would try his best to work it out with you. He even would offer a shoulder to sleep on if you got sleepy throughout the day.

☾ Vernon:

To say you tried to sleep was an understatement. You were tossing and turning, counting all the sheep, and even tried to gaslight yourself that you were asleep. However, nothing worked. You still laid wide awake while your precious boyfriend was asleep peaceful next to you. You sighed as you turned one last time and surprisingly that woke Hansol up. He rubbed his eye before flinging an arm around you and pulling you closer. "You okay, babe?" He would ask with his voice all gruffy sounding due to the sleep. "yeah... sorry." He didn't believe you and would roll you over so you were making eye contact, he tried to figure it out telepathically but he couldn't so he kissed your nose instead. The gesture made you scoff before snuggling into him. "I'm fine, just can't sleep very well tonight." He'd hum while playing mindlessly with your hair. "We can put on a movie if you want?" You would smile into his chest before whispering an "ok." It was moments like these when you were thankful he was there.

☾ Dino:

You sighed before sat up to get out of bed. Sleep was just not in the cards and honestly there were other things you could do instead of getting a restless night of sleep. However, you momentarily forgot your adorable boyfriend, Chan, was cuddled up next to you and his grasp tightened as you tried to escape his grasp. Him being stubborn made you giggle which made him smile before he looked up at you. "You can't leave me yet, it's still dark outside." You would sigh before wrapping your arms around him as well in defeat. "Sorry babe, I just can't sleep." "Mmm, why?" "I don't know. I've tried everything." He then opened his eyes a bit and gave you a little smirk, "I mean not everything...." You could feel what he meant and giggled before kissing him and hoping he could *literally* wear you out.

It's finally out. Please lmk your favorite one. Personally I loved writing DK's part. (as usual. It's so easy for me to write for him,) Please lmk what yall liked tho <3

#wonuwrites #seventeen #svt x reader #seventeen reactions #svt fluff #svt angst #s coups #s coups x reader #jeonghan #jeonghan x reader #joshua #joshua x reader #jun #jun x reader #hoshi #hoshi x reader #wonwoo #wonwoo x reader #woozi #woozi x reader #dk x reader #dk #mingyu #mingyu x reader #the8 #the8 x reader #seungkwan #seungkwan x reader #vernon #vernon x reader

[ilovejoostklein]

HAIII, sorry if this is confusing, but can i request joost with a reader who is like... a TERRIBLE social reject but also makes music... they dread doing concerts, releasing full albums, and interviews but they still do it for their career?...

hii, yes ofc <3

-

Bed Peace

You’re an anxious singer and your boyfriend Joost comforts you the morning of one of your shows

sfw: fluff, light angst

-

You lay tangled in the bed of your hotel room with Joost. You grimaced at the empty bottles and shot glasses littering the coffee table, the headache from your hangover squeezing your head and pinching the back of your eyes making you more miserable than you felt last night. Your body was destroyed with fatigue and from the two-hour concert you’d had last night, ears still aching from the sounds of the music and screaming fans. You dreaded the fact of knowing what the day held in store for you today. 

It was only moments like these that brought you true happiness, your boyfriend sleeping peacefully behind you with his strong arms around your waist. He was always so calm. He was like a pond, still and beautiful, nothing ever disrupting his mood that always seemed to be cheerful, and if he wasn’t it was still always so contained and rational. You didn’t know what to compare yourself to, a riptide, a never-ending storm that could only be lulled into security with substances and the presence of your sweet boyfriend who put up with your worries. 

Joost woke up when he felt your heartbeat against his hands. It was certainly a strange way to wake up, and incredibly alarming to see that you were already so distraught first thing in the morning. It was crushing to see you this way, he tried whatever he could and still, he felt like a failure. Since you’d been together you’d turned him into a better person, he felt the difference every day when life had slowed down and everything felt and appeared more beautiful. He wished that he could do that for you, but he was beginning to realize that the issue was far bigger than you both. 

“You’re always up before me.” His voice was still groggy with sleep, pressing a kiss to your bare shoulder. “We overdid it last night, hm?”

You didn’t respond, staring at the empty bottles under the exposing morning night you couldn’t help but feel a bit ashamed. You felt Joost kiss your cheek, putting his fingers underneath your chin so that you’d face him. 

“I think you have to get up soon.” He dreaded saying it as much as you did. “Big day today.”

You groaned, rolling over so that you’d be able to bury your face into his chest. You breathed him in, he still smelled faintly of the body wash he always traveled with which somehow calmed your nerves. 

“I wish I could cancel the stupid fucking interview.” Your profanity made him chuckle, bringing you closer into his arms. “Do you think I can?”

“For the second time?” Joost asked, his voice gently suggesting you to be more rational. “It’s short, and you’ll do a good job like always.”

Even if you were media trained to the point you felt like a circus animal, you abhorred nothing more than doing pointless interviews and touring. You tried to avoid falling into more dangerous substances, facing it all head-on, and by the end, you were dizzy and overcome with anxiety. You’d always been so anti-social, it was a miracle that you had someone like Joost who was effortlessly charming and sociable. You wished that you could take some of it for yourself. 

“I hate it.” You mumbled, glancing at the clock on the wall realizing that you didn’t have too much time. 

“I know, baby.” He said, kissing you. “But you love to sing, and I love it too, so it’ll be worth it.”

“It’s easy for you.” You retorted. “You know I just want to sing and do nothing else.”

“It doesn’t work like that.” You frowned hearing his tone shift into something more serious, forcing him to be the voice of reason. “Your career isn’t like mine.”

He was right. Your career was much more serious than his. It wasn’t that Joost was careless, but he could be himself and have fun with his career while you couldn’t. You wished it was the same way for you, even knowing you couldn’t be half as charming if you tried.

You wanted to stay with Joost in bed all day. You held him closer, expecting him to pressure you to get up again, but you felt him give into you when he pulled you atop his chest. His arms wrapped around your waist, and you two stayed embracing each other in silence for a while. 

You hoped that Joost would fall asleep, giving you an excuse to do the same and blame him when you’d inevitably wake up and realize you’d missed the interview. You propped yourself up only to make direct eye contact. Your face flushed with anxiety, forcing yourself to smile to try to dull the intensity you felt. 

“How badly do you not want to go?” Joost suddenly asked the blush on your cheeks now feeling unbearable. 

You stifled the tears forming in your eyes. Joost cared about you so much, no matter how stubborn and self-deprecating you could be he was always so gentle. You felt his hands cup your face, his thumb smoothing down on your cheek tenderly. 

“I don’t want to.” You mumbled. “I just want to stay here with you, before my show.”

“Ok then, liefde.” He whispered, bringing your head forward to kiss your nose. “Oh no.” He said in a concerned tone.

“What is it?” You asked, feeling your heart rate pick up. Your anxiety was always set off so easily. “Joost.” You pressed.

“You feel really warm.” You realized he was being sarcastic, feeling a smile form on your face. “I think I have to call your manager m’en meisje is getting sick.”

You watched in relief as he grabbed his phone from your shared nightstand and sent a text to your manager, turning his phone to show their quick response. You could feel their annoyance through the message, but you couldn’t be bothered to care. The relief felt almost invigorating, your anxieties and worries melting away all at once knowing that you could spend the rest of the afternoon in bed with your boyfriend. 

“I love you, Joost.” You said sweetly, kissing him over and over again on his cheek. “You’re the best, I’m serious.”

“I’m just selfish.” He chuckled, kissing you back, “I want to keep you with me all the time.”

“I wish.” You said a bit solemnly, knowing that the time would quickly pass as it always did when you were happy. “I’m glad you’ll be at my show at least.”

“I’m your biggest fan.” He pinched your cheek lovingly. 

You settled into your boyfriend’s arms, the safety and unconditional love soothing your heart completely. You wished that you could love your career, not just the act of singing. You wished you could grow to love the process of waking up before the sun to write and record songs for hours every day until your entire body ached with boredom. You didn’t know what you would do without Joost, he was your person in all of this. 

“I really love you, Joost.” You mumbled, feeling both of you slowly getting taken away by sleep again. “I’m so lucky.”

“I love you more.” You could hear him getting more tired, it was cute. “And I’m luckier.”

“You’re falling asleep again?” You whispered, trying to keep the calmness of the room. 

“Mhm.” He hummed, his eyes still shut. “You should rest too, you’re sick remember?”

-

ya’ll i hope i’m using these dutch words right… hope u enjoyed

#joost klein #joost #fanfic #fluff #joost klein x reader #fem reader

[burningstar-light]

How they comfort you

Category: Comfort & wholesome

Character category: Hotel patrons

Charlie & Vaggie (Poly), Alastor, Sir Pentious, Angel Dust, Niffty and Husk.

Rating: SFW

Type: Headcannons

Charlie & Vaggie

Charlie wraps you up in the biggest hug, like she will not stop hugging you unless you ask.

Vaggie is less touchy but her way of comforting you is sitting next to you in a quiet soothing atmosphere.

Charlie sings softly to you, holding you as tightly as possible, her fingers sometimes sneaking down to tickle your sides.

Vaggie pats your hair back gently, whispering comforting words into your ears.

They both go on and on about how they love you so much.

Prepare to get absolutely smothered in kisses, ends up with the three of you curled up in a cuddle pile.

Alastor

Our dear deer, will drag you up into his room, or if you are up to it to his radio tower.

His way of comforting is less touchy than the others but if you really want to be held, then he would do anything for his little deer.

Plays old jazz and showtunes for you, he hums along.

Lets you cuddle up to his side as he reads to you, he loves the classics. 'Moby-dick', 'The catcher in the rye', 'Dracula' and so on.

Keeps a spare coat around so you can wear it when you're upset, so you are surrounded by his scent... He also just really likes seeing you in his clothes, marks you as his so everyone knows not to touch you.

He his shadow makes you a cup of tea, he makes sure you drink it all before it goes cold, gently pats your head once you finished it.

Sir Pentious

He gives the best hugs, curls his whole body around you, rests his chin on the crown of your head.

He squeezes around you and chats your ears off, he will talk about anything and everything in order to distract you.

Gets the egg bois to put on a show for the two of you.

Will happily stay curled around you for as long as you need, in fact he loves it, absorbing your body warmth is so good.

Has definetly fallen asleep cuddling around you.

Tells you about all his new inventions.

Angel Dust

Takes you out for a night out on the town.

If you enjoy the club scene he will take you ou there, is very careful that you both avoid the people that he usually hangs out with.

Makes sure you both only indulge in alcohol, is very careful to not let you or him get swept up into his old drug habits.

If you dont like the club scene then to a bar it is, he asks Husk for some good bars.

Takes you to one where he can play slow music, he'll keep a sent of hands on your hips and the other cradling your face. Keeps your eyes on him and only him, doesnt give a single fuck if he gets looked at oddly.

Tells you shitty flirty jokes, just so he can hear you laugh, its his favourite sound in the world.

After you are both liqurored up, you'll both go home and cuddle deep into his soft warm bed. Fat Nuggets, joins you, snuggled in between you.

Niffty (platonic)

Bakes with you, please watch her carefully or else she is 100% putting blood in the bakes.

Happily chats with you about all the bad boys, she'll go on and on about all the bad boys and how she wants to punish them.

Sit on your head and happily plays with your hair, if your hair is long enough she'll twist it into braids.

Laughs happily as you two chase around bugs, well shes chasing the bug and you are chasing her.

Husk

He will get you to come sit at the bar with him. He'll gently hold your hand any chance he gets.

Will nuzzle against you cheek and purr softly, anything to get you to feel a little better. He doesn't particularly like giving into his animal instincts but for you anything.

Hums jazz songs for you as he cleans the glasses and wipes the bar.

Once all the others have gone to bed and he can finally leave with you up to his or your room.

But before that he curls his arms, wings and tail around you, his purring is so loud you can feel it in your bones.

Once you two are up in private, he'll put on a nice jazz record, fix you two both a drink to unwind.

He fluffs up the pillows, making a pillow mountain so he can lean back on, gets you to sit between his legs with your back against his chest. His wings wrap around you, cocooning you in a world of safety and warmth, his tail curling around your waist.

His purrs are embarassingly loud as he rests his chin on your shoulder, he loves your scent, keeps rubbing his cheek against your neck to give you his scent.

Shows you little tips and tricks with cards as you two relax.

#Hazbin hotel x reader #Vaggie #Husk #Alastor #charlie morningstar #sir pentious #niffty #angel dust #husk x reader #Vaggie x reader #Charlie x reader #Sir pentious x reader #Angel dust x reader #Charlie x reader x vaggie #Icarus writes #Hazbin hotel

[starher]

⊹ untitled — muzan kibutsuji. sfw. realistically this is ooc but everyone knows he’s a little softy once he’s married.

i imagine that if you’re married to muzan, he hates when you get on your knees to bow to him. like he really hates it. he feels only things below him bow to him, you aren’t below him so why are you bowing like one of his workers? as if your belittling yourself for him and it makes him frustrated that you think that. do you feel he doesn’t treat you as equal to him or even above? he doesn’t want you to ever feel you aren’t anything but such.

“stand up, do not belittle yourself. you are my wife, my equal.”

#⸝⸝ divine lover . #muzan x reader #muzan kibutsuji #kny muzan #demon slayer muzan #kimetsu no yaiba muzan #muzan kibutsuji x reader #demon slayer drabble #demon slayer x reader

[milotraflgkl]

Ma Belle

SANJI X FEM!READER

note: THIS IS A REUPLOAD!!! content: fluff, angst, sanji being a sweetheart, sanji also being a simp, sfw, reader is slightly insecure. WC: 1078 song: Ma Belle Evangeline - Jim Cummings, Terence Blanchard

Yet another victory for the straw hats, your crew had gathered around a beach nearby and started up a campfire. A few people from the town you had saved were there to celebrate and thank Luffy for protecting them and practically saving them. You stood off to the side and watched as everyone was enjoying themselves. Usopp was near the fire telling several children and a few adults about his adventures, as well as saving a group of people. You let out a small laugh, as the children watched in amazement and disbelief that he was that strong and capable whilst the adults had all their brows furrowed.

You watched as people began to dance along with the soft music that was playing, you smiled for a moment before you glanced around. Everyone was so distracted with their own thing and yet here you were, stood alone. You swallowed suddenly the thought that everyone was whispering and staring at you for being alone filled your thoughts, you harshly looked down hoping to find something more interesting about the ground than what was standing upon it a few feet away from you.

Sanji had finally run out of food to serve and was done for the night, he wiped his hands off on his towel and then placed it off to the side. A few girls came up to him and urged him to dance, he almost gave into their begging before his eyes saw you. A pain ran through his chest as he saw you standing there alone, you looked amazing and he was shocked that no one had come up to ask you to dance. The girls in front of him snapped him away from you but it only made him realize, why wasn’t he asking you?

“Sorry ladies, I've already gotten a dance partner.” He smiled to him a soft smile, hoping they’d give up and walk off. They didn’t so he resorted to simply walking away from them and going towards you, they followed after him spewing out a few more pleas before they spotted you and froze.

Sanji smiled as he approached you and heard the girls’ voice stop almost instantly, his hands kept in his pockets as he finally stood in front of you. “Evening love.” He spoke out, your eyes darting upwards immediately and being met with his ocean-blue eyes. “Oh… Sanji.” You spoke out, you glanced around to see if you had zoned out long enough that everyone was leaving but to your dismay, you saw that everyone was still partying and enjoying their time.

His eyes studied your face, taking in every single feature about you before you connected your eyes back with his. “Why aren’t you out there flirting with another lady?” You ask him, attempting to shove down your thoughts you put a mischievous grin on your lips. He laughed at your comment before he spoke again, “That’s what I’m trying to do right now.” The way he said it so calmly and quickly made your heart flutter, your grin had dropped and your eyebrows raised. “Me? You are trying to flirt with me?” You asked in disbelief.

He smiled at you and nodded, “I mean, I am talking to you, no?” He asked you, his head slightly tilting to the side as he then brought his hand up to hold it out for you to take it. “So will I have the honor?” He straightened his head back up. You swallowed heavily as you stared at him taking a moment to process what he had just asked of you before your eyes slowly moved down to his hand, you felt yourself smile softly. “I think you will.” You say as you place your hand in his looking up to see a small glimmer of excitement in his eyes.

He leads you to the group of people dancing and slowly brings you closer to him, his hand letting go of yours and instantly attaching them to his hips. You felt your heart do a little flutter yet again your eyes struggling to keep eye contact with him, so you kept your eyes stuck on his shoulder. He took notice too this and took a moment before one of his hands lifted to gently redirect your face to look towards him, “Nervous?” He asked you, you swore you could hear a small purr at the end of the word.

You let out a soft laugh as you looked down at your feet, Sanji began to shift the two of you side to side along with the music. You take a moment before you let out a soft sigh, “Just a little…” You take a moment before you blurt out the truth “I never thought I’d be here dancing with you.” You say, then looking up at him to meet your eyes with his. God his eyes were beautiful, you’ve always thought the ocean was beautiful but as you stared into his eyes you couldn’t help but think they were almost… more beautiful.

The two of you stared into each other's eyes and you watched as his eyes slowly moved down to your lips, your stomach began to tighten with anticipation. I wonder if his lips are as soft as they look. You thought as your eyes looked down at his lips, you weren’t sure but you were 50% positive that he had tilted his head and was beginning to lean in closer to you. You found yourself moving closer getting caught in your own thoughts and belief that Sanji would ever want to kiss you.

“[Name]!” You heard your voice being called and you turned your head to look over at Luffy, He ran over excited to show you a new thing he found somewhere off near the water. You immediately scolded him for getting so close to the water without anyone else around, not realizing that you had pulled away from Sanji. Sanji watched you get dragged away from him, he almost kissed you… and of course, the moment had to be ruined. Nami walked over to Sanji and nudged him, “That almost hurt to watch.” She teased him, Sanji looked at her and pouted internally before he found a response “Just, it wasn’t the right time.” He says a small smile on his face, Nami walks away laughing leaving Sanji to pout alone.

#— miloonmetis #one piece #milometisfics #one piece sanji #one piece x y/n #one piece x you #one piece x reader #vinsmoke sanji #sanji x reader #black leg sanji #sanji #with: sanji #opla sanji #opla x reader #opla sanji x reader #opla sanji x you

[little-pup-pip]

Hello! Could I request a gender neutral deer/fawn moodboard pls? :3

Here you go!!

#deer #but gender neutral this time #!!!! #we now have masc fem and gender neutral!! #yay #I'm not sure why this one is purple #don't worry about it #anyway i hope you enjoy #sfw interaction only #sfw agere #agere #moodboard #age regression #sfw littlespace #agere moodboard #age dreaming #babyre #baby regression #deer moodboard

[jensettermandu]

nostalgia - huh yunjin

genre; light angst, fluff, sfw

pairing; yunjin x female reader

synopsis; purely based on the song Nostalgia by Suki Waterhouse

wc; 5.5k+

masterlist

a/n; i do recommend listening to the song while or before reading, just to hear all of its lyrics because only certain parts are used in the story plus it's such a good song

‘Do you still have the CDs that I burned you?’

Yunjin was aware that there was a limit to everything, even to how much of her life she could fit in her luggage before going back to South Korea to chase her dreams. It was hard to leave; leaving everything behind was what made it the hardest; the fact that she could only bring a small portion of her current life with her.

There was a fear that if she didn’t bring certain things, she would forget about them.

Of course, she was excited, but the tears of joy had also turned to tears that burned and a difficult feeling to swallow as it was thick with emotions. There were so many emotions to feel and it all ended up overwhelming her; missing her comfort.

As she looked through her last few drawers as a way to reminisce and try not to forget the stuff she would leave, in what would be her old room, her fingers stumbled upon something that held a deep past; it felt like a bitter past now when it had been so sweet. 

Yunjin grabbed the three different CD cases, grabbing onto what was left of the love she could have had. With those she picked up the walkman, she forgot to return and now never would get to return.

As she put the first CD into the player, she lay on her bed and stared at the white and empty ceiling. The girl pressed play after putting in the earphones; it burned her skin as she found herself painting out her memories onto the ceiling; reminiscing about a recent past as she listened to the voice.

Yunjin wasn’t the only one with dreams.

“These are just for you and no one else; our favourites and this one is—” Yunjin watched Y/n who trailed off, a CD case in her hand, she had already handed two to Yunjin.

It was a sweet gesture; it was affectionate and intimate and meant the world to Yunjin at the moment. Three CDs Y/n had burned her were better than anything else she could have gotten from anyone, especially Y/n. Somehow, she found herself creating the best memories when she was with her, she felt the most with her and didn’t want anything else.

They had come to the city for two different reasons; Yunjin had given up on her dreams and she fondly watched Y/n chase hers. There was some hope that it would reignite her passion again.

The girl sighed, her accent thick with her old home after coming from London to chase her dream in New York. 

“A few demos, so…” 

Carefully as if it was a flake of gold Yunjin reached for the see-through CD case in her girlfriend’s hold. This would become a core memory in her head; this was special in so many ways, Y/n’s first demos were in her hold. A smile painted itself onto her lips and she knew that she could always start creating and chasing new dreams; Y/n had become her dream.

Yunjin had never been more sure of the words that left her lips next, nothing had ever felt more right. This was something she was sure of, something she was passionate about. “I love you,” she truly did and being young, 18, she hadn’t had the opportunity to fall in love. 

This was beyond an infatuation, this was deeper, this was love and this time those three words meant what they were and she didn’t say them because she thought it was love.

Yunjin said them because she knew it was love.

Y/n let out a small giggle, a fond smile resting on her lips as her eyes gazed over Yunjin’s face as if searching for an answer to her words. There was no need for a long search because the answer was right there.

“I love you, Jen.” 

And in the moonlight that seeped through the windows in Y/n’s studio apartment as they were on the mattress that was on the floor Yunjin and Y/n both got to live through what was real love. 

The CD cases were discarded to the side, listened to during their affectionate pillow talk, and the same happened to Y/n’s shirt as Yunjin pulled it off, letting it fall onto the studio apartment's wooden floor. 

‘The T-shirt you pulled off me, the night you said you loved me?’

Yunjin reached for the t-shirt that was about to fall out of the wardrobe and onto the floor. “Hurry up or we will be late for practice!” She didn’t reply to Chaewon who had run past her to get to the door. 

She looked at the shirt, the print had somewhat washed away, the same way those memories were washing away. It hadn’t been long since she left, but the remnants of an old dream were still lingering. 

‘I love you, Jen.’

How long has she had Y/n’s shirt? Was it from all those years back when Yunjin for the first time said I love you? How did it end up in Seoul? How did a piece of her past end up in Seoul; a piece of Y/n; her old dream? Did she pack it? Did it fall in by accident? Did someone else put it in? It was here though, with Yunjin, a piece of what she had left of Y/n.

It would do her no good, the same way the CDs wouldn’t as they were put away in her drawer in her old room before her flight. Yunjin stuffed the shirt back, far back, hiding it so as to not stumble upon it again. It was time to forget, the same way they had forgiven so easily. The quicker, the better because it wouldn’t ache.

She couldn’t bring all of this with her though, Yunjin couldn’t bring this nostalgia with her, she had to forget about it even if she wished to dwell in it for eternity.

Yunjin was chasing a new dream. 

‘I still have the marks that you made on me

It's easy to forget that you are gone’

New York City would always be busy, everyone lived in a world of their own, Y/n included. She walked forward, but still always found herself stuck in the same place even after what had been months, a year almost.

She would stutter in her actions; all those times she would stare at the barista. The usual order was what she wanted, wasn’t it? The usual. The usual. What was the usual? Despite knowing the usual by heart she found herself staring at the menu above the man for a second. It was like a blackout in her mind.

It wasn’t the usual:

‘Two iced americanos?’ 

That sounded right.

“One iced americano. Extra strong.” 

However, it wasn’t right and she had yet to grow used to it. 

In the same way, it wasn’t right to reach for her phone every time she came up with a new melody or lyrics to send it right to her lover.

The same way that picture of the broken guitar at the studio ended up with the rest of the unsent pictures. 

In the same way, there was no one to expect at home yet she still always wanted to call out her name when she entered, it would be at the tip of her tongue. 

Those moments of doubt that would always disappear when she asked for opinions; opinions that had always mattered the most to her. It was just another empty reach because she realised she didn’t have that anymore. 

That blackout in her head where she couldn’t remember why it wasn’t right never lasted too long as it got filled with the present. Y/n would remember that Yunjin was gone, she was away from her. The spots would fill with a sadness that washed over her, remembering that she lived in a nostalgia of when she and Yunjin were still together.

She kept forgetting that she was just letting herself sleep in nostalgia.

Y/n’s sip of coffee was bitter, she loved it, but the bitterness from a while back wasn’t as pleasant.

‘I talk about the past like I talk about you’

Two passionate lovers is what they were. They loved big and fought for their love even bigger even if it was with the other. It wasn’t often though, it seldom happened, but when it did it was big because of their passion that only grew with the years.

“Are you fucking kidding me, Y/n?”

“Why would I be joking about this, Yunjin!?”

Y/n clenched her jaw, taking in a deep breath as she tried to hold her tears at bay. Yunjin didn’t make her cry, it was just her fears that made her cry, the fears Yunjin always reassured her she didn’t need to have. 

Those promises neither of them would break, yet they found their love so precious and important to them that the smallest littlest sign of possible defect sent the whole perfectly organised heart into a frenzy.

Love wasn’t easy, it came with easy parts, but so many parts weren’t. As there were beautiful parts to it, there was ugly too. 

It was still explosive, their love was, it was great; greater than most could handle, but they fought the strength of it to not let it overwhelm them. It still had those moments where it did manage to do so. 

“I don’t fucking know. You just…”

Y/n smiled, it would always be a blur whenever she was asked questions about the songs she wrote. The only story she could tell her friends was that those songs were made-up telltales most of the time. 

‘I leave out every little thing that I don't like remembering’

“Wait–Okay, no, it’s recording now.”

“You’re such an idiot.” Y/n laughed, trying to push away the camcorder that was being shoved in her face.

“Stop it, you look pretty. I need to get it on video.” Yunjin argued, pushing away Y/n’s hands, but her girl was trying to put up a small fight. 

“Is it truly such a need?”

“Uh-huh. You look pretty 24/7 and I need some of it on video.” It wasn’t hard for her to overpower the smaller girl as Yunjin grabbed hold of Y/n’s wrists with one hand and quickly straddled her girlfriend, having her pinned to the mattress. 

Those giddy giggles continued as they messed around; it was always the same, it was always as comforting as a late-night drive in light rain. It created a sense of peace to the mind, it felt serene and warm even if it was cold outside. 

“I can now declare my love for you on camera,” Yunjin stated as she angled the camera towards them and leaned down. 

The lens watched the two girls who stared at each other; Yunjin’s hand unwrapped around Y/n’s wrists and gently cupped her cheek, with the latter wrapping her arms around her shoulders. It watched as they stared at each other in a momentary silence; it caught the love in their eyes, the fondness, the adoration, the care, the comfort they felt with each other; their starry-eyed romance.

Yunjin smiled with a light chuckle as she spoke, “I Huh ‘Jennifer’ Yunjin love you, Y/n Y/l/n, more than I can express.” 

Y/n mirrored the smile, her eyes twinkling brighter than stars in the sky, “I love you more than I will ever be able to say I do, Huh ‘Jennifer’ Yunjin.” 

The camcorder continued to capture their love as Yunjin dropped it onto the mattress and put her lips against Y/n’s to continue declaring the love they held for each other.

It could have been that she skipped the bad parts, left out everything she would rather not remember Yunjin or their love for as she was missing the idea of the girl.

‘I miss you more than I say I do’

“Do you miss whoever that is?” 

Y/n looked over her shoulder at the guy who gave her a discerning smile; as if he knew the answer to the question. The girl grabbed hold of the journal where she had been scribbling down lyrics and spun around in the chair. 

She looked over the words, it had been three years, and then she looked up at the man. The studio was quite dim, almost a yellow and reddish colour that matched the rugs that were on the floor and hung on the walls together with the other types of soundproofing. 

That person she hadn’t seen for three years; were the songs about her? 

“I don’t, it’s just fiction,” Y/n spoke, knowing that it wasn’t fiction as she still, after three painfully dreadful slow years, strongly longed after the person most of her songs seemed to be about. 

She tried to convince herself otherwise, she tried to convince herself that she was too busy chasing her dreams to even remember who Huh ‘Jennifer’ Yunjin was.

However, it was clear that Yunjin had never even for a second left Y/n’s frame even if she wasn’t in the picture anymore. 

The person who wasn’t there was her only muse. 

‘You had to follow all your dreams, move to New York (Seoul), away from me

You were so easy to forgive, but not so easy to forget’

Yunjin’s heart pounded, she knew that she never needed to be worried or nervous, but it was wrecking her even as Y/n jumped into her arms with a squeal. The cool wind that blew on the roof of Y/n’s apartment building was one she would remember for years; the way it left a chill on her skin all while feeling forlornness and happiness at the same time, that bittersweet taste of her tongue.

It was a taste that wouldn’t wash away. 

Y/n buried her face in the crook of Yunjin’s neck, she felt happy for her girlfriend, but she couldn’t tell if those tears that made it past her eyes were solely tears of joy. No, something was crumbling, breaking into pieces inside Y/n; was that what heartbreak felt like? Was this what true love was? It was painful.

True love was pain.

It just took some time to settle for both of them how painful love was as the other things they faced starry-eyed weren’t close to the damage this was causing them. It was hard to keep the same starry gaze. 

“I’m sorry.” The girl barely managed to let out as her fingers twisted the material of Y/n’s sweater. She truly was sorry for making Y/n believe that she was her only dream, but the second the opportunity showed itself after all this time, that spark of her old dreams ignited. 

Yunjin had spent countless years chasing something she failed to reach and now it was right at the tips of her fingers. She never thought it would happen and she had been ready to move on from it, but it was like fate was presenting itself to her. 

Y/n wanted to hate Yunjin, but she knew that she couldn’t even if the girl was breaking her heart. She loved her too much to keep her. She had moved to New York away from everyone to chase her dreams too, so she understood Yunjin, but she couldn’t lie and say that it wasn’t wrecking her; that it wouldn’t leave her a mess.

She wrapped her arms tighter around the taller girl’s shoulders who pulled her in closer; a goodbye to someone who was still there but wouldn’t be for much longer hurt her. They both hurt. They had been protecting their love, they had devoted themselves to protecting it from even the smallest defects, but they couldn’t protect it from themselves. 

As the promises they made, were the promises they never meant to break

“Don’t feel guilty for doing what’s best for you, Jen, don’t be sorry for chasing your dreams.”

Y/n forgave her for hurting her, but that never meant that she was able to forget her, let alone the pain that Yunjin caused her, the pain they caused each other. If they had known, would they still pursue a love this great? The answer was a simple yes; no matter the pain, their love was worth it until the last second no matter how much it tore them into pieces on that roof.

‘Why can't I keep you right where I want you?

Y/n stared at Yunjin, she had found herself admiring Yunjin at night whenever she couldn’t fall asleep. Then every morning when she woke up, later because she could never fall asleep, she did so to Yunjin fondly caressing her with her gaze, waiting for Y/n to wake up.

She moved the slightest, slowly twisting in Yunjin’s tight and warm hold on her waist. It was hard to imagine that it had been two years since they met and that in a couple of months, Yunjin would get a call that would reignite her dreams and leave them torn to pieces that were miles apart. 

Now on her stomach, an arm still holding onto her waist, Y/n could look better over Yunjin's face; unaware that soon her nights would be spent in an empty bed, crying and longing. Her scent was gentle and comforting to Y/n; in a few months, she would only be able to smell it on her clothes until it would fully wash away. She reached her hand up and gently traced along her cheek, thumb grazing the slight pout on Yunjin’s lips; the lips she would kiss and touch for the last time soon enough.

Y/n sighed and was about to move, “where are you going?” She hummed confused at the tired, almost grumpy mumble that came from Yunjin. The arm around her waist tightened its grip, pulling Y/n flush against her warm body. She was held in an embrace she would be missing and never be able to suffice with another one. 

She would miss it all so much that it would leave her lovesick. 

If only they were aware, would it change anything? Perhaps their words.

“Nowhere, Jen.”

“Good, don’t leave.” She mumbled before turning onto her side, sighing in content as Y/n snuggled closer, right under her chin, letting Yunjin take in the calming scent of her hair. 

“I don’t plan on leaving,” her voice held a slight rasp as it was starting to fill with exhaustion and her usually sleepless nights weren’t as bad because it was easy to fall asleep in Yunjin’s presence. Maybe it was good considering that the nights ahead would be nothing, but sleepless and draining. 

“Neither do I,” those words of security. 

Those silent promises they would break. 

Y/n closed her eyes at the security she felt, falling asleep in the home that she had found. 

‘And even though you put an ocean in between us’

Y/n blinked her tired eyes open and stared ahead, the empty room seemed to stretch for miles in the dark, the bed cold and empty even if it had felt so warm just a second before she awoke. A dull ache pierced her heart at the realisation of it being a vivid dream. It took her a while to realise it was just another dream and that Yunjin was far away.

It somehow didn’t matter that she wasn’t there anymore, it did matter because it hurt and the longing for something she couldn’t have exhausted her, it just didn’t mean that she would forget her simply because she wasn’t there. 

There was something utterly beautiful about true love, but for something to be beautiful, there had to be something ugly. Which was the miles in between them, the separate dreams they were chasing and the evergreen feelings she couldn’t express to her anymore. 

All that was left was missing the idea of Yunjin, of that something that they had.

‘I will try to keep us

Together forever, nostalgia’

It wasn’t as frequent anymore, but once in a while those vivid dreams came to haunt Y/n. She turned to lay on her back and stare at the ceiling. She watched the memories wash away, trying to not care, but then she would find herself grasping for them in panic, terrified that she would forget about Yunjin even if it had been two years.

No one had simply been able to be what she was. 

After each of these dreams, she found herself closing her eyes again and repeating those memories. Despite it all, she tried to keep them together forever no matter how faint certain parts could become. Y/n would bury herself with these memories if they ever died. She kept her and Yunjin together even after two years. 

‘I just need to know that you are happy

So if it couldn't be me, then go ahead, forget me’

As time passed Y/n would find herself slipping out of her nostalgia and into reality, instead of dreaming about her, she was wondering about the other girl. Y/n was left wondering if Yunjin still had those CDs she burned for her, together with the walkman she never got back. If that shirt Yunjin pulled off the night she said she loved her was with her even though it had been years.

Did she remember their love? The same way Y/n did. 

There was a part of her that hurt whenever she thought about the fact that she was possibly the only one who still thought about the other. However, even if that was the case, she still wanted to know how Yunjin was doing even if she was the only one who still cared about how the other was doing. 

Was she at least happy after leaving her behind to follow her dreams? 

That was all that mattered to Y/n, to know that Yunjin was happy then she wouldn’t hold it against her. She would be fine with Yunjin not thinking about her the same way she would think about her almost every day. Y/n would be fine with Yunjin never reminiscing about their past together at all; with being forgotten.

“I remember helping this one group produce a song—It’s like they are making them in factories with how many groups debut lately.”

Y/n looked up from the DAW and tilted her head back to look up at the TV that was hung above them on the wall. There was no sound coming from it, “what’s this?” She questioned, wondering why her friend was playing what was a South Korean channel. That sad little bittersweet feeling filled her as she became once again painfully aware that all that she did was escape now and that in reality somewhere among those people was Yunjin.

She was no longer here with Y/n. 

“It’s the little showcases they do when they debut or make a comeback.” Y/n had been too bitter to keep track, but she knew that she would be happy for the girl. It would mean the world to her.

The one simple thing she had been wondering for these past two years was finally answered. “What group is this?” Y/n asked, dewy-eyed. She couldn’t help but smile as relief washed over her and she grew sentimental. Her heart felt fixed for a second, it was beating like it did when Yunjin was around her and told her how much she loved her. 

She was reminded of how much tender love she still had for her, knowing she couldn’t give it to her.

“Le sserafim.” 

Yunjin looked happy, she looked passionate; Y/n felt like she achieved something just from seeing Yunjin finally live out the dreams she’d had for so many years, the ones she had strived for so hard. 

There was no way for Y/n to know if the girl missed her or at least even thought about her once or if she had forgotten all about her. It didn’t matter as long as she was happy and if that was the case Y/n would rather be forgotten.

It couldn’t be Y/n that Yunjin chose in the end, but her dreams.

‘I traced my steps back to where we first met

And hold the memory 'til you slip away’’

“Excuse me, do you have Lucinda Williams LP records?”

“I don’t really work here…” 

Y/n stopped and looked over at the taller girl with confusion, after looking up from her phone, as she was sure that she saw staff in this exact spot a second ago. Her eyes glanced away from the girl and she realised that the person she initially was going to ask for help was now a row away from her.

“I do know where the LP is though–” Y/n stuttered in her step, making the other girl do the same which created an awkward moment of confusion. “I could show it.” She pointed out the obvious she was trying to do and Y/n at last caught on.

“Thank you and sorry for mistaking you for working here.” She apologised as they walked beside each other through the endless aisles of the vintage vinyl store with both old and new LP records, including CDs, walkmans and more. The store was dimly lit with yellow and beige undertones, it smelt of cardboard and dust, and the air felt thick and warm, but was evocative. 

“It’s fine, you have a nice accent. British–” “Cockney.” The two looked at each other and Y/n looped her thumb through the hole in the sleeve of her sweater. She squeezed it, was there a tremble in her voice? There was and there never usually was one. 

“British, yeah, cockney is the dialect.” She clarified as she had answered the girl before she had the chance to finish talking. What she got in return was a bright smile, one she hadn’t seen before, especially not since she moved to New York. It felt like people didn’t have time to smile or be nice in the busy city. 

“It’s pretty,” she fished for words to say, but couldn’t figure out how to receive the compliment. Y/n found herself at a loss for words because of the stranger walking beside her. “Lucinda Williams feels specific though.” However, the pretty stranger filled in the silence that would possibly fall upon them.

“I’m looking for inspiration, I grew up listening to her.”

“Inspiration?” 

Y/n breathlessly chuckled at that, remembering how she was called a fool after declaring that she was moving to New York to chase her dreams of becoming a musician. She nodded and the both of them stopped before a big row of records, her eyes scanning for the one she was looking for.

“Yeah, I’m musically inclined I guess.”

The stranger continued to make conversation, seemingly interested in the other stranger. “As in…” Y/n looked away from the rows of records as one was handed to her and she looked at the ‘World Without Tears’ LP in the dark-haired girl’s hands. 

“As in–” She took the record from the girl with a small thank you. What she also received was a bright smile and the inspiration she had been looking for. It was hard to find a muse, but somehow a pretty and nice stranger was setting a fire ablaze. “I've always wanted to be an artist and so I moved here, to New York, to follow my dreams.”

“I’m Yunjin by the way.” She introduced herself, looking at the pretty stranger with an accent, a cockney dialect like she had said. Something grew inside her chest, someone Yunjin had just met, someone she didn’t know the name of, the girl in front of her; she had so much in common with the girl in front of her despite not knowing her name yet.  

“Or well–Jennifer when I’m back home.”

“I’m Y/n.” The girl said as they both looked each other in the eye, for the first time, but not the last, yet, locked hands. 

‘I miss you more than I say I do

You had to follow all your dreams, just wish that they included me’

Y/n reached for the record that was packed between the other ones on the shelf. The old vinyl store smelled of faint dust, cardboard and memories, evocative as always. She picked up what was the same-titled LP she had bought here when she met Yunjin or Jennifer when she was back home. 

She continued to walk along the aisles, walking through memory lane once again, remembering how this was the place where she spoke about her dreams to a stranger who then became someone who knew her better than she knew herself. That same person who would leave Y/n behind to follow all her dreams; she wasn’t upset about it.

The girl stopped in front of what was a shelf with newer artists, the new generation of artists and looked at the names. However, she knew what she came for, to see a name on the shelves yet when she saw it she continued to walk. 

It did make her heart pound and teeth dig into her lower lip to contain all these overwhelming emotions that were being stirred inside of her. If only she could share them with the stranger who became her everything, to finally be able to share what she always had wanted to share with her.

The old vintage store had changed; it had gotten modern details and more products to attract more people. The world moved forward, and nothing stayed the same, all that used to be had changed around her. 

Y/n had yet to grasp it all, she didn’t meddle in the genre and maybe it was because it only made her think of one person. She still stopped over at the section to see the mini albums. Despite being aware that Yunjin was happy, obviously since she achieved what she always wanted, Y/n still wished that she was part of why she was so happy and those dreams.

Her fingers only brushed over the mini album, letting it slip through them; she preferred the past and didn’t enjoy certain changes as she continued to walk. She took a trip down memory lane, from the beginning until there was nothing more left to reminisce until she reached the part where Yunjin slipped away and they stopped creating memories together. She played it all on a loop. It was hard to pretend when she knew the truth of who and what she longed for.

‘Together forever, nostalgia

It's crazy, baby, I want you’

To sleep in nostalgia; to escape the now, Y/n found herself giving into the beauty of an illusion.

The romance of missing the idea of Yunjin who she knew wasn't far for the first time in so long, but still it felt like miles away.

It had been three years and four months. It was crazy, but Y/n still wanted Huh ‘Jennifer’ Yunjin as she stood on the outdoor theatre stage of Coachella, singing the song she had been living for the past years. 

She too reached her dreams even though she was wistful after her old one. 

‘Together forever, nostalgia

It's crazy, baby, I want ya’

Nostalgia had never been less present in Yunjin’s life as she found herself living in the now, in her reality, but this time it was because she wanted to. This time she didn’t want to escape into a dream when the scene before her was beyond what she could indulge in reminiscence.

The sun was setting and her view felt ethereal and heartbeat familiar. It was all she needed, to see Y/n reach her dreams too, that they both had reached their dreams even if it was without the other there, without being able to share it. 

Dewy-eyed she stared with sentimental spilling from her eyes and love clogging up her throat, her body warming up in a fluttering way she had wondered if she would ever feel again. 

Yunjin still had the CDs that Y/n burned her, she asked her mum to send them just a few weeks after she arrived together with the walkman. That T-shirt, the one Yunjin put on a teddy bear she hugged each night, was still with her, reminding her each time of where her love lay and the night she said where it did lay. 

It was impossible to let go of the past, to not sleep in nostalgia and reminisce every day and think about the girl who was on stage. Impossible to not wonder how she was doing. Impossible to not wonder if Yunjin too was Y/n’s wonderwall or if she was the only one.

It’s crazy, Yunjin thought, it’s crazy that she had kept her and Y/n together forever, in nostalgia. It’s crazy how she kept something that wasn’t there, alive. It’s crazy how close yet how far she was from her. It’s crazy that she watched Y/n from the crowd and wanted her despite the miles and years apart. It’s crazy that she would bury herself with this nostalgia, this illusion if it ever died. 

‘Together forever, nostalgia

It's crazy, baby, I want ya��

That little flame for their old dreams never died, they could always start chasing them again because they had kept it alive with the romance of missing the idea of the other. They had been kept together by sleeping in their nostalgia.

a/n: idk i just had to write this 'cause i love suki waterhouse, and nostalgia is just too good, need it injected into my veins, her every song tbh. hope it was enjoyable though since i really enjoyed writing it. i really appreciate the support, especially reblogs. love yall <3

masterlist

#yunjin imagines #yunjin fluff #yunjin x reader #yunjin x female reader #le sserafim x fem reader #le sserafim x reader #le sserafim imagines #le sserafim fluff #girl group imagines #fanfic #girl group fluff #huh yunjin x reader #huh yunjin fluff #Spotify

[ghoulfuckersincorporated]

Pls More general sfw headcanons of cooper and reader? Ghoul or pre war whichever you prefer honestly.

General SFW Prewar!Cooper Howard Headcanons 2

(I'll do some Ghoul SFW in a follow-up; this got away from me a little.)

Clearly he enjoys film and theatre, but he has a fairly secret soft spot for musicals. Pretty much any musical will pique his interest, and you'll spend a fair few date nights out seeing shows. You find it very endearing that he wants to share his interests with you. He's got an especially soft spot for some of the older, cheesier musicals though; hope you're ready to see "Brigadoon" like a half dozen times! He's got that one on tape.

"Old Yeller" is banned media in the Howard household (as are most things about dogs who die), as well as books like "The Velveteen Rabbit", which he read to Janey when she was four and never truly recovered from. Coop cries like a baby every time and gets so embarrassed. You once asked Janey if she'd ever seen it, and she tells you, rather conspiratorially, that she once watched it at a friend's house.

The old man actually cries quite easily when he's moved by something. He'll try to hide it away, but every once in a while he fully loses it (tbh it's the 'child death' type stuff that really upsets him; to this day, he's still a little mad at Barb for showing him "Bridge to Terabithia" on family movie night and thinking he would like it). You think it's the sweetest thing and you always reassure him that it's nothing to be ashamed of.

I imagine that, like a good, engaged father, he takes a particular interest in Janey's likes and hobbies; if you ask him what she likes, he can give you an entire list of things you can engage with her on, every single one of them accurate and up-to-date. If Janey really likes a book series, he'll read it (or maybe listen to it if he's short on time). If she really likes a band, y'all have fun at the concert! Every group comes through LA so you may be going to several concerts a year eventually. He even knows who her favorite member is! He only falls in love with you more when you do the same with her.

He's a true romantic at heart; despite being really torn up about the divorce and thinking he'll never fall in love again, he does, and hard. It's not long before he (unbelievably, to him especially) finds himself wanting to propose. He waits a while, though, wanting to feel out the dynamic between you and Janey, worrying about how Barb will feel when she ultimately finds out. He doesn't want to be married to her anymore, but he still cares for her, and he doesn't want to hurt her.

I'd like to think that he and Barb had a pretty nice, large wedding (as I've said before, likely at an older age than many of their peers, even if, canonically, it seems they were already dating during Cooper's military service; they both strike me as the type to want to wait until they were better established to actually marry). Not anything too crazy, but since Cooper's career was really starting to take off, she did want to use the wedding as an opportunity to rub elbows, so there were quite a few people in attendance that he flat-out didn't know. It didn't bother him much at the time; Barb always loved an opportunity to network and Coop could never deny her anything. But, given a chance to do it over, I think he'd do things differently.

With you, he'd wanna go to the courthouse. He'd be happy to have a nice, private ceremony eventually, maybe a little vow renewal for your one-year down on the beach in Mexico or something. But when you get legally married it'll be at the courthouse, just the two of you and Janey. You wouldn't have it any other way.

You try your best to keep it under wraps, but, well...marriage licenses are a matter of public record, and there are people whose whole job is to unearth things like that. The fallout (ha) from it may be stronger than you anticipated, but, at the end of the day, you have one another, and you're happy with that.

#cooper howard #the ghoul #prewar!cooper howard #cooper howard headcanons #cooper howard x reader #cooper howard x you #fallout tv show #fallout prime #submission