currently trying to decide if I should skip school to finish tongue tied cause it's seriously the best thing I've ever read in YEARS-
LIKE U HAVE NO BUSINESS MAKING ME FEEL BUTTERFLIES WITH LITERAL WORDS AT 4AM ON A FRIDAY
GIRL YOU BETTER NOT BE SKIPPING SCHOOL FOR A DAMN FIC (ik it slaps butđ) i hope your ass went to school đ
and i have all the business in the world to be making my readers FEEL things with literal words. THAT'S THE BEST PART OF WRITING AND POSTING; seeing you guys go through it and interacting/leaving thoughts
i enjoyed the ending :)) like it was said, itâs hard to hate chaewon.. she was willing to get over her crush and had she known that yunjin loved yn then im sure that wouldâve happened.. she also deserved a happy ending
that's what im sayyyying like it's impossible to hate her and she deserved as much of a happy ending as yunjin did đbut we all know there were two possible endings to this and that things could have looked differently if yunjin spoke upđ€§đ
i truly appreciate you leaving this here đfr i love when someone comments on my work and takes notice of these things, it makes my day <3 to only have chae and jen's pov and exclude the mc's pov is what really put this together and made it so much better yet painful bc we never get to know what the mc feels unless she expresses itđ€§thank you for reading and reblogging/commenting đ
tongue tied - kim chaewon , huh yunjin
genre; fluff (a lot of it), angst, high school au, sfw
pairing; chaewon x female reader x yunjin
content; a lot of pining, mentions of injuries, soccer and cheer-leading but there's no need for any knowledge of the sports, mentions of insecurities and anxiety, idk there's nothing more to warn about; it's sfw
synopsis; it's the last year of high school, the girls' soccer team is on a roll and the cheer team wins yet another elite competition. it seems as if things cannot get any better for the girls, however, love is never easy, especially when the captain of the soccer team, huh yunjin, is in love with her best friend who she is too afraid to lose to make a move on. that is until her new team/schoolmate, kim chaewon, shows interest in the cheerleader and sometimes all that's needed is a final push to take a leap of faith before itâs too late.
wc; 25.9k+ words (the plan was to make it much shorter...sorry)
songs; bad habit - steve lacy , ditto - newjeans , things i'll never say - avril lavigne , to love - suki waterhouse , what would i do? - strawberry guy
masterlist
âAnd lastlyâŠâ The girl trailed off as they took the last few steps between the high bleachers, the sun momentarily blinding them as the big field that was filled came into view. The voices echoed through the space with shouts, cheers and whistles being blown. âThis is the field where we hold pep rallies, events, games, practice et cetera.â She explained, gesturing towards the green grass that didnât look real from the strong colour it carried, shining as it looked watered.Â
Chaewonâs eyes scanned the bleachers behind her where a couple of students were sitting, looking around and over the green field. Jiminâthe girl who showed her around school this morningâpointed towards the girls who were in white shorts and light blue jerseys.Â
âThere is the girls' soccer team, we have a boys' team too. Both play in the state championship this year to try and get into nationals again,â she continued to explain. âWe have basketball, swimming, water polo, table tennis, trackââ Her gaze shifted where Jimin pointed towards the other side of the field.Â
âAnd a cheerleading team as you can see, however, they are a level seven team that competes on an elite level.â Chaewon felt herself flinch at the three girls who were flung into the air, making her squint her eyes to see better as the sun was blinding her. She had seen cheerleading before at her previous school, but not as advanced as this team looked.Â
âWhat was that?â She asked as the three girls fell back down, being caught by the guys who were their bases.Â
âUhm, kick-kick double basket,â Jimin replied seemingly having the stuff memorised.Â
âAnd whoâs that?â Chaewon continued to ask, subtly pointing with her head towards the girl in the middle with a single base under her this time, doing a heel stretch.Â
âThatâs Y/n, the captain, a talented flyer and tumbler, just generally good at cheerleading.â
âOh wow.â Jimin hummed at Chaewon who continued to watch the cheerleading team, fully enthralled by what was going on.Â
After a good minute of the two girls looking at the team doing baskets and other stunts, Jimin spoke up, realising that she still had to help the new girl out a little bit more before getting to watch her friendsâ morning practice.Â
âSo, are you interested in any of the teams? Have you done anything? Swimming? Table tennis? Track?â She questioned.
Chaewon took one last glance at the girls and guys from the cheer team before she walked with Jimin. Her eyes fell on the soccer team that was in the middle of a practice game against each other.Â
âI was part of the soccer team.â The shorter girl mentioned as they walked along the empty track field, hands in the pockets of her jeans to occupy them with something. Her eyes followed the ball that was passed around, the callouts of the girls being incoherent to her ears from far away.Â
âAny good?âÂ
Chaewon hummed, nodding her head as she looked away from the field and at Jimin. She took pride in her soccer skills as she had played for as long as she had walked. âCaptain and starting striker.â It was enough to shine through her little shell whenever soccer was mentioned and she could go on for days talking about it and how much she loves playing.Â
âWell, Iâm not sure if you will make it into the starting lineup now that the season has started, but I can talk to Yunjin.âÂ
It was unfortunate that her family had to suddenly move to another city a month into her senior year. It was unexpected, but Chaewon couldnât argue about it and so her fate brought her here. She had to settle in and try to fit in too which usually wasnât a problem, however, this was the last year of high school and people were bound to already have their close friends.Â
âYunjin?â Her head tilted at the name and Jimin nodded her head as she proceeded to explain.Â
âThe captain and current starting striker. She will talk to you and the coach.â
âOh.â She gave a curt nod, knowing already that to have the spot she used to have on her old team she would have to work for it in the new environment. Chaewon was sure of her skills in the end even if the season had already started, she couldnât stay benched for all of it.Â
âThatâs her,â Jimin said as the whistle blew, pointing towards the girl who ran across the field and away from the rest of the team.Â
âEw, ew, ew, ew.âÂ
âEw?â Yunjin confusedly questioned, her eyebrows furrowing, but her grip on the petite girl stayed as she had her arms wrapped around her from behind.Â
âYouâre all sweaty, Jen.â Y/n cried out, trying to squirm out of the girl's hold.Â
Yunjin huffed and let go of Y/n, the shorter girl turned on her heels and gave her a small shove against her chest to have her step back. The ginger grumbled and pulled up the hem of her jersey to wipe away any remaining sweat on her face after practice. The second the whistle blew and she was dismissed she grabbed her stuff and ran over to the cheer team.Â
âStop flexing your tummy for everyone.â Yunjin groaned as her stomach was smacked and she let go of her shirt. Her eyes back on the cheerleader who cringed as the captain's stomach was just as sweaty. The ginger clicked her tongue and grabbed Y/nâs hand to wipe it with her shirt.Â
âGod, youâre so dramatic.â She commented, her eyes stuck on Y/nâs face as the girl smiled at her, it was enough to make the corners of Yunjinâs lips lift too. It was as if she was struck by something from nowhere, everything inside her stomach started to shift and she felt giddy. It was her source of energy because it would always surge through her whenever she looked at Y/n; she considered the girl her lucky charm.Â
Her eyes crinkled at how good it felt; her best friend was the best feeling in the world.Â
âDonât you just love it when I am?â Y/n questioned with an eloquent grin as she knew the answer.
Yunjin could feel her face heat up with her own words as Y/n picked up her gym bag after pulling away from the taller girl. âI tend to love everything about your annoying self.â She commented, her heart picking up like it always did when she said these things to Y/n. It made her nervous and Y/nâs replies only made her more flustered and she found herself digging through all the signs to understand if it was what she hoped it was.Â
âYouâre my favourite person,â hearing that from Y/n always brightened not only her day but her soul which could at times fall into a gloom of insecurities.Â
Yunjin was the captain of the soccer team and had been for the past three years which resulted in a lot of faith being put on her, trusting her sportsmanship and leadership, especially during soccer season. The team, the school, the coach, her friends and family, and people on the bleachers all counted on the team and it was her job to make sure they worked as a team. Any errors always gnawed at her and made her doubt her skill as a captain.
She knew that she wasnât the only one who was under a lot of pressure, the girl who clung to her arm as they waited for the rest of their friends was under just as much pressure. All her friends were, but she could only find solace in one person and one person only: Y/n. Yunjin could open up about anything to her, tell her everythingâalmost everythingâbecause she knew that Y/n would be there for her as she had been there since middle school, sixth grade.Â
Along the way that trust and adoration seemed to evolve into more, but how couldnât it? Y/n was everything Yunjin dreamed of and she had never dreamed of more than soccer. It wasnât like she had a picture of a dream partner or life before, but after she met Y/n and with years that went by and when high school started, she understood what it meant for a dream to get built around a person. Her dream was soccer and she built it around Y/n as each choice she made involved thoughts of her best friend.
When high school started she realised what it meant to build her dreams around a person. It meant to be in love.
âWhoâs that with Jimin?â Y/n diverted the conversation she was having with Yunjin, placing her chin on the taller girlâs shoulder as she stood on her toes, arms wrapped around the gingerâs waist. It felt warm, but not the kind of warm Yunjin felt from the sun and running around on the field; it was the type that brewed on the inside like a fireplace that warmed up a home.
She hummed and her eyes searched the field until they landed on Jimin walking along the running track with a girl she hadnât seen before. âI donât knowâŠâ She trailed off, her eyes squinted the slightest to try to see if she maybe did recognise the girl, but she didnât. Yunjin squirmed at the ticklish feeling when Y/n blew air against her ear, the girl giggling as she let go of the ginger who turned.Â
Before she could utter a single word, Y/n grabbed her hand and tugged it so she would walk with her. âZuhaââ She called for the cheerleader who was packing up the last of her stuff before turning to the two. Y/n received a hum from her friend as Yunjin let herself be dragged after her. âDid you hear anything about the girl Jimin is with?â The shorter girl questioned, gesturing with her head towards the girl in question.
âNope, I donât remember her mentioning anything.â Kazuha, one of the tumblers on the team, replied as she walked over to the two. All three turned back around and looked at the two.Â
âThatâs the new girl.â Their attention was torn away from the two as they looked at the guy who was one of the bases, Yeonjun.Â
âThereâs someone new starting?â Yunjin questioned, confused by the guyâs words. She frowned, her thumb smoothing over Y/nâs knuckles as she tried to figure out why someone would change schools in their senior year. Not to mention, school started a month ago.Â
âWell, sheâs not here to just look at the school.â Yunjin rolled her eyes at the guyâs mordant remark as it was obvious.Â
âWeâre going to be late for bio,â Yujin exhaled after she ran across the field with her soccer gear to them.
Yunjin looked at the time on her phone as she leaned against the wall outside the locker rooms after getting changed. âYouâre not coming?â Yujin questioned as she walked out of the girlsâ soccer team's locker, fixing the bag on her shoulder.
âI will be thereââ She was cut off as the girl waved her off, passing by her.
âYeah, you want to walk with Y/n, donât be too late.â She dismissed and Yunjin rolled her eyes at the second striker who walked away.Â
The girl wasnât one to break her routines, not the ones with Y/n at least. All classes started in around eight minutes and Y/nâs physics class was right on the way to bio. Yunjin picked at her nails as she waited for the girl, thinking of her day as she tried to plan what she would do after school. It all consisted of soccer and Y/n as she either would practise by staying behind at school or would leave with Y/n to spend time.
She sighed as she hated the way time always went by so slowly without the cheerleader, but Yunjin couldnât help but also hate how fast it went by with Y/n there. It was almost as if it wasnât enough, 24 hours of the day werenât enough for her with the girl and she had a feeling it would never be.Â
The thoughts of the girl raced in her head, making her heart race too as they always ended with her trying to think of ways to let Y/n know. How it would be if she spilled what more laid behind her as she loved Y/n more than a best friend. How it would be once Y/n would hear these words that ran deeper than adoration and how good it would feel when she would hear those same things leave Y/nâs lips. It made her smile as she continued to pick at her fingers and she tried to contain it to not look stupid, but she was a fool for her best friend and Yunjin didnât mind it one bit.
However, her stomach would always turn inside out at the thought of the opposite happening if she told Y/n the truth about what coursed through her veins when she was with her. The thoughts of rejection, loss, longing, and dreams being shattered. Yunjin couldnât afford the loss of someone alive because it would be too painful, and Y/n would be too painful to lose.Â
Then came the thoughts of rejection, but not losing her best friend either way because she knew Y/n better than that. The girl wouldnât leave her simply because Yunjin was in love with her, but there was a possibility that she wouldnât return the feelings. Those thoughts seemed to tie the biggest knots around her heart; the thoughts of Y/n not feeling the same, to begin with even if she wouldnât put distance between them after.
Yunjin was stuck on the belief that Y/n was in love with her whether that was true or not, it didnât matter. It was what made her heart content; thinking about silently being in love with each other and not taking the stepâthe silent agreement of loving and not finding anyone else even if they didnât take the step to be more than silent lovers.Â
Of course, Yunjin dreamed of more, but she could settle on skinny love as long as it was Y/n.
Those giggles, smiles, eyes, Y/nâs voice, words, lips, the girlâs heart and soul; it was all more than enough for her in a silent agreement of loving each other but never confessing it out loud.
She was too scared to say those words out loud because, at the back of her head, she knew that there was a possibility that maybe she was wrong about it all. The thought alone was enough to keep her words at bay to not have to face the possible reality of being the only one.
âYouâre looking all cute again.â Yunjin looked up, scrunching up her nose to rid herself of the smile that had stitched itself on her face while she waited. Y/n smiled and grabbed the girl by the hem of her hoodie, tugging at it and making the taller girl walk with her.Â
âI like your jacket,â the ginger complimented as she had on the school varsity jacket that held Yunjinâs name and number, being oversized on Y/nâs petite body.
âItâs from my favourite closet.â The smile came right back onto Yunjinâs lips as she looked over Y/n who was in her jacket. The cheerleader walked closer to Yunjin and grabbed hold of her arm, wrapping it around her shoulders as they walked through the hallway to head for their lockers and then to class.
âDo you have any plans after school?âÂ
âYou didnât ask me to hang out yet so no.â Yunjin chuckled at Y/nâs words, giving the girl a light shove as they approached the girlâs class.Â
âI will wait by my car after classes end.â She settled.
âYeah, I will see you at lunchâŠYouâre going to be late.â Y/n showed her lock screen to Yunjin, her eyes first landing on the wallpaper that was her during one of their late-night Facetime calls before seeing that class started in four minutes.Â
âI donât care,â the captain tried to stay nonchalant about it, wishing to spend at least a few more minutes or at least seconds with the girl. She knew that the next time she looked at the clock four minutes would already have passed because it didnât wait around when they were with each other. Yunjin needed some more time to prepare for the next two classes without Y/n who would feel like they dragged on for ages even if she had their other friends to keep company.
âYou do,â she watched as Y/n turned on her heels as they stood outside the open door to the classroom. The girl pressed it as Yunjin tried to keep her attendance in check because bad attendance and grades meant no soccer.Â
âI really donât.â
âI can bet that the second I walk inside I will hear you run.â Y/n teased and Yunjin looked away at that, licking her lips.
âNo, I wonât, but you should head inside since class starts soon.âÂ
âOr I should head inside so you can hurry and not be late?â The ginger looked back at Y/n who was looking up at her with a wide smile, tongue poking at her canine before she bit her lower lip. It made Yunjin take in a breath as she felt her heart tumble down onto the floor for Y/n again as she couldnât help but fall every time; waiting for Y/n to pick it up and carry it the way she would carry the girlâs.Â
Oh, how proudly she would carry Y/nâs heart if she had it; Yunjin would take care of it as if her life depended on it because it did. Her happiness depended on Y/nâs happiness.Â
âNo, I donât care about being late.âÂ
âSure, Jen,â Y/n giggled and wrapped her free hand around Yunjinâs waist to hug her before they parted ways. The captain without question returned the hug as her arm draped around Y/nâs shoulders. That sweet flowery scent invaded her and she loved it; the most when the cheerleader left it to linger in her bedroom after they hung out. It brought her the same type of comfort that her home did, Y/n was her home.Â
âI will see you at lunch.â The shorter girl hummed and tilted her head to look up at Yunjin while pulling away to leave a kiss on the girl's warm cheek before giving her a small push so she would let go.Â
âYouâre about to be late for real,â Y/n commented while Yunjin watched the girl walk inside, her eyes widening and bringing her out of the daydream that Y/n was before bolting through the hallway.Â
Chaewon had never been one to silently sit alone and away from everyone in a classroom, but she couldnât help but feel intimidated. She wasnât one to approach either because of her shy nature. All those friends she had made as a kid were back in her hometown. It felt different now that she was in 12th grade compared to middle school or lower. It didnât feel as easy to approach someone.Â
Slowly she was coming to terms that she would possibly spend her senior year alone at the back of the class. It was her pessimistic and despair-filled side talking as it appeared stronger ever since she was told that they were moving to a new city.Â
Her last hope was the soccer team, but even that felt like a far reach as the friendships maybe wouldnât go outside the field. Everyone already had their friends and she now felt like an outcast for being new so late into high school.
It wasnât fair and she hated it.Â
She picked at her nails, staring down at them while trying to bury the nerves and anxiety of a new place. The sound of new laughter made her look up as the classroom was loud the whole time and the teacher had yet to arrive. Her eyes landed at the entrance of the classroom, she caught a glimpse of that orange hair she had seen on the field earlier as the soccer captain was hugging the cheer captain.Â
She found herself staring, eyes glued to the cheerleader who stepped inside the class with a smile. Chaewon shivered, assuming it was from the cold table under her bare forearms as she pursed her lips, fighting the urge to let a small smile form on her lips. Y/n was too pretty and her smile didnât look like it should be ignored without smiling back, but then again, Chaewon was invincible and would stay invincible until the end of the year.
Y/n wasnât looking her way, she was talking to a few girls at the front.
It wasnât like Chaewon knew the girl, but it already made her think about how much she would possibly miss out on if she didnât get the courage to talk to someone. Maybe not the cheer captain right away, but anyone. It would be sombre to be alone during the whole senior year.
The bell rang and she watched as everyone proceeded to take seats in the chairs that were still empty while the teacher entered. It made her wince at how the chairs screeched along the floors, the chatter turning into hushed whispers as the man at the front put his stuff down.Â
âLooks like your seat is at the back today, Y/n, maybe we will go through a class without talking since itâs next to Kim Chaewon, our new student.â His words were followed by small giggles and Y/n who clicked her tongue.Â
Chaewon felt herself get breathless at the panic she felt of people suddenly noticing her after being a ghost at the back. She had no clue what to do so she avoided gazes that were on her all while suddenly feeling too warm in her clothes.
She could feel that her face was red. Or maybe it wasnât? Now she was panicking over whether she looked anxious or not. Her heart rate increased, pounding against her ribcage so harshly it made her feel weak. Was she going to have a panic attack in front of everyone on her first day? It was starting to muffle her ears and her fists clenched as they were clammy now.Â
Chaewonâs wide eyes gazed around the classroom as the girl sat down beside you, the scent of sweet flowers managed to cloud her, pulling her away from the anxiety and grounding her. The class went almost completely silent, the hushed whispers even more faint now as the teacher started to talk. She tried to calm herself down before it got worse.
âWhere did you transfer from?â Heat ran across Chaewonâs back when the girl beside her spoke up after a few minutes of the lecture, everyone too engulfed to take notice of them at the back.Â
She parted her lips, suddenly not remembering where she grew up before she managed to push an answer from her throat with a slight quiver. âAustin, Texas.â Chaewon cleared her throat and swallowed, subtly glancing over at the girl beside her who was looking at the front. It sounded stale and she was afraid that she ruined her only chance to make friends.
âThatâs farââ It was, it truly was far as she now lived in Long Island, New York. She looked to the side, her eyes meeting Y/nâs and she held her breath for a second as she hadnât expected the girl to be looking back at her, not with those intense eyes. Chaewon couldnât hold eye contact, her gaze faltering onto the table. âI assume that it kind of sucks to move, especially in your last year.âÂ
âItâsâYeah, it does suck.â She couldnât help but admit to how much it sucked. It felt alienating and a big part of her was still pessimistic about this change and another still held some resentment towards her parents even if it wasnât their fault that her mother got transferred to the new job.Â
Y/n hummed at that, the girl unable to stop casting glances at the cheerleader, constantly picking up on her features with each glance cast at her. Her nerves eased, but new ones appeared as she was sitting beside a pretty girl who was talking to her with such ease it felt like they already knew each other.Â
There was a flow as Y/n continued to ask questions about her throughout the lessonâChaewon realised what the teacher meant at the start, but she didnât mind because suddenly all those doubts about her senior year disappeared.
Before she could take in a word the teacher said the class was over and her most dreaded day was slowly becoming one that wasnât dragging along, but flying by.Â
âOkay, what does your schedule look like?â Y/n asked as everyone was gathering their stuff, the two girls taking their time and staying behind. Chaewon showed her phone to the girl where she had her schedule.
âWe have physics, maths and P.E. together, you also have classes with some of my other friendsâmaths now and lunch after soâŠâ Y/n trailed off and the girl got her phone handed back. Chaewonâs momentary confusion dissipated and she got the memo, grabbing her stuff to walk with the girl.Â
âI forgot to ask about her number and now she might as well be lost somewhere at school. I was supposed to introduce you two.â Jimin explained and Yunjin did her best to listen and indulge in the conversation after the new girl was brought up, but she was too busy waiting for Y/n to finally arrive at the canteen.Â
âWhereâs Y/n?â She asked as the new girl hadnât managed to pique her interest.
âAre you listening?â Jimin questioned.
âWhat does the new girl have to do with anything?â The ginger questioned, poking at the food with her fork. She had yet to meet her and she hadnât listened to what Jimin was saying at all.Â
âYouâre the soccer captain.â
âYeah,â she confirmed, looking up at Jimin with a frown.
âItâs like talking to a wall.â
âTell me about it,â Yujin commented, earning laughter from the other two at the table.Â
âYou donât think you could fix her a spot on the team?â This time Yunjin was listening and her frown deepened for a second.Â
âThe season already started and weâre a full team,â it felt like a risk to take someone new onto the team when they had been playing together for months now, some even years.Â
âShe said she was captain and starting striker in her previous school.â The girl beside her replied with a shrug.
âIââ The ginger didnât get to reply as she got distracted by the three girls that were heading their way. There were just certain auras that drew people to them, Y/n and Kazuha were two people with that kind of aura, or maybe it was just Y/n since that was who Yunjin always found herself drawn to.
âLooks like sheâs not lost at all,â Yeonjun commented, right beside Y/n was the new girl and Yunjin knew just how easy-going her best friend was. Anyone was able to be comfortable around her, all it took was a few words from Y/n and the person was lost, anticipating what she would say next. Yunjin knew that and she loved that.
Chaewon looked over at the four people at the table, that nervousness clouded her again as she had just been able to slowly crawl out of her shy shell around Y/n and somewhat with Kazuha. The eyes on her made her want to retract right back inside her shell of comfort and security.Â
She almost flinched at the hand that brushed over her before it grabbed gently hold of her wrist. The talking between all of them was still being processed as the girl was too busy looking around to avoid making eye contact first. She pursed her lips and held her breath at the nerves as the cheer captain pulled her over to the table.Â
âAnd this is YunjinâŠâ The cheer captain introduced everyone at the table, quickly making them acquainted.Â
For the first few minutes, Chaewon knew that she was mostly sitting in silence, unsure of what to say, however, she was more than thankful for Y/n who included her and worked as a mediator, especially between the two other girlsâYunjin and Yujinâwho played soccer. At the back of her mind, Chaewon knew that she was enthralled by Y/n, feeling like she wouldnât feel as welcomed and at ease if it hadnât been for the girl. The girl was her only safe space in the huge school at the moment.
She quickly came to the realisation that she had been worrying too much and that maybe her senior year wouldnât be too bad as she got along with both Yunjin and Yujin.Â
âWhat do you think about Chaewon?â Yunjin hummed at the question, her eyes trained on the screen of her phone that she was playing on. Y/nâs fingers continued to comb through her hair, making occasional small braids as she rested her head in the girlâs lap, lying in Yunjinâs bed.
There wasnât much to think about, Yunjin was still getting to know the girl, but from today alone she had an answer that was good enough.Â
âSheâs cool, I donât know what I was expecting, but yeah, sheâs chill.â
âYou two seemed to get along with all your soccer talk.â
She glanced up at Y/n through her lashes, rolling her eyes at the teasing smile that rested on the girlâs pretty lips. Yunjin bit her lower lip for a second and looked back at her phone screen to finish up as she continued to talk,
âWhatever, itâs one of the things we have in common so far.â
âNo matter how cool you think soccer makes you, youâre such a nerd about it.âÂ
âHey!â The ginger complained, turning her phone off and putting it on her nightstand as she sat up, turning to face Y/n who was leaning against the headboard.Â
âBut in a good way, I love seeing that it makes you happy and keeps you passionate,â she watched the smile grow bigger on Y/nâs lips as the girl grabbed hold of the strings of her hoodie and tugged her closer.Â
Soccer did keep Yunjin passionate, but her best friend was yet another thing that kept her passionate; their friendship and Y/n were something she was utterly passionate about.Â
âI have the best support system known to man, consisting of my family, friends and most importantly you.â She told the truth and nothing else to her best friend, grabbing Y/nâs hands that were holding onto the strings of her hoodie, cupping them in hers and warming Y/nâs colder hands.Â
The cheer captain hummed at that. âDitto.âÂ
âSoâŠWhat do you think about Chaewon? You seemed to get along.â Yunjin questioned, dropping her gaze onto their hands as Y/n was playing with her fingers, intertwining them and pressing their palms together as they sat facing each other. That smile was one the ginger couldnât even fight, Y/nâs touch was soothing and spread a warmth through her that reminded her of home.
âSheâs cute.â
One thing Yunjin hated was that she had grown so attached and used to Y/n and her being this one force of a silent agreement that these unelaborated comments made her stomach drop. The ginger knew that she shouldnât be so sensitive, but each day she woke up with a fear that maybe the silent agreement was one-sided.Â
Each night she went to bed and woke up afraid that things would be different. What if someone took her place? Not as a best friend because she knew that was set in stone, but in this fantasy she hoped was true.
Yunjin pushed through it though as she knew better and knew how wrong it was to feel this way. âCute?â She curiously asked, waiting for Y/n to elaborate, hoping Y/n didnât find Chaewon cuter than her. Was âcuteâ enough for Y/n to drop the silent agreement? The one Yunjin hoped was real.
âWith how shy she is.â
She looked up at Y/n and nodded her head in understanding, familiar with Chaewonâs shy nature after today.
âYouâre not gonna replace me, are you?â
âOh my God, Yunjin.âÂ
âYunjin!?â The ginger let out in panic as her hands were dropped by Y/n who raised her eyebrows, giving her a once over with a judging look.
âYes, Huh Yunjin,â Y/n confirmed with a click of her tongue, never calling her Yunjin because she had always been Jen to her.Â
âStop it.â She complained, loving how Jen was the only thing Y/n called her and everyone else would call her Yunjin. It was like Y/n was the only one aware of her other name even if it wasnât true. Everyone just silently agreed that Jen was reserved for Y/n.
âWhy on earth would you ever even say that.âÂ
âIâm just making sure,â she whined back at Y/n, but she knew that she didnât have to, it was a joke because she knew that she would never be replaced as the girlâs best friend. That was why it was the least of her worries.
âIâm hurtâlike actually hurt that you even have to make sureââ Her lips parted as Y/n was about to get up from the bed, Yunjin earning a huff of disbelief from the girl. âI think Iâm gonna cry.â
âNow youâre being dramatic, come here.âÂ
âNo!â Yunjin laughed when Y/n yelped as she wrapped her arms around the girlâs waist after she had stood up from the bed. She pulled her back down, Y/n landing on top of her with her back, trying to wiggle out of Yunjinâs grip who continued to giggle at the poor attempts.Â
âI love you and know that you would never replace me in any way possible. You and I are forever like we promised in sixth grade.â She mumbled as Y/n heaved a sigh, the striker felt the girl give up and relax in her hold. Yunjin took the chance to bury her nose in Y/nâs hair as the girl rested her head on her shoulder, staring up at the white ceiling as a moment of silence fell between them.
âYunjinâŠâÂ
âMm?â Yunjin pulled back and lifted her head only to flinch when Y/n turned around and flicked her forehead. âOwââ
âDonât joke like that again, I donât want to think about it âcause it hurts to think about it.â
She pouted at those words as she sat up with Y/n sitting beside her, âIâm sorry.âÂ
âDonât be, I know some people canât help the fact that they are stupid.â Y/n dismissed with a smile as she looked over her shoulder at Yunjin.
âYeah, youâre walking tomorrow,âÂ
âWho says Iâm staying the night?â
âMe and I still pick you up even when you stay at home, now sleep.â The ginger demanded, pulling Y/n back down and reaching over for the bedside lamp.
âBut Iââ She shushed the girl, pushing her head back down on the pillow as the lights went out and she pulled the duvet over them.
âGoodnight, Y/n.â The girl beside her heaved a sigh and moved, Yunjin offering her arm as per usual, letting Y/n rest her head on her shoulder and hug her waist, knowing she couldnât sleep without hugging something or someone.Â
âGoodnight, Jen,â Yunjin smiled at the name and hummed, the fear of being replaced when she woke up less present as the girl she loved fell asleep in her arms. Â
Chaewon realised that she had been too pessimistic, but the good thing was that she could change her views under the right circumstances where changing her perception would come in handy. Throughout the week she felt less and less dread for school when she went to bed and then woke up after being lucky enough to be found by Y/n on her first day. She felt welcomed and instantly accepted by the group without any tension.Â
Tuesday came and she felt her purpose start to sparkle again as she was accepted onto the soccer team even if it wasnât in the starting lineup that was already set in stone when the season started.Â
For a second when practice ended and they had played a practice game where she was put as a striker and on the opposite team as the captain, Huh Yunjin, she thought that the girl would be a rival; a competition to beat and replace on the field.Â
The view was also changed quickly; Chaewon saw no need to strive for her old spot as a captain, however, she did find the need to be in the starting lineup and hoped it would come to her soon even if it wouldnât be as a main striker.
Yunjin became someone she saw as a person who she could get the most out of when they played together as days passed through the week and they played alongside each other. Outside the field, they were becoming good friends and she could say it about the rest too.Â
Days passed quicker than she had expected after dreading moving to a new place.Â
So before she knew it; it was Saturday and Chaewon found herself at a convention centre for a local yet huge cheerleading tournament. She had never been to one, so naturally, she wanted to stick to the group of people she came with; Yunjin, Jimin and Yujin.
They had arrived an hour before it was the team's turn because the competition lasted a whole eight hours and there were still three hours left after the good four-minute performance that was in 30 minutes. Chaewon knew very little about everything, but the other three girls filled her right in, especially Yunjin who had a hard time being quiet about it.Â
âI still need to give Y/n her bow, Chaewon and I can go while you two get to the seats.â Chaewon didnât get a word in as they were walking through the crowded centre, her arm sleeve was grabbed and she was pulled aside by Yunjin.Â
âCould you hold it for a second?â She hummed, taking the bow from Yunjin who started to look for her phone. Chaewon looked over the dark blue and white bow with gemstones, glancing between the captain and the way before her to not walk into anyone.Â
âWhere are you and Y/n?âÂ
Yunjin stopped in her tracks as she tried to hear what Kazuha was saying over the noise in the background as Y/n wasnât answering her phone.Â
âI kind of lost Y/n somewhere and she doesnât have her phone.âÂ
âWhat? Where are you then?â
âI just got to the main entrance.â Yunjin groaned and turned on her heels as she started to walk her way back to the main entrance. âHow do you lose her?â
âIâm not the one who lost her, Y/n always gets distracted and loses us, plus I canât see her in this crowd, sheâs too short.â Yunjin snorted at that, she knew her best friend like the back of her palm and how she could see something and walk off from everyone else without a word. The 5â3 flyer was good at getting lost.Â
âI can see youâyour hair.â The ginger's eyes started to search as she was approaching the main entrance.Â
Chaewon stopped in her tracks as the captain she had glanced at a good minute ago was no longer beside her. She kind of sensed that it couldnât be too good; she had the cheer captain's bow.Â
Her eyes searched through the crowd of people, but her height did no justice. The next best thing that came to mind was to stand still and hope that they would run into her while she tried to get her phone out of her pocket.Â
Just as she fumbled out her phone, her head snapped up, âChaewon!â A smile unknowingly tugged on her lips as she saw Y/n quickly running over to her. The girl in the cheer uniform made her stomach nervously flutter ever since she first talked to her and that usually was the case with pretty girls. However, that feeling passed after a few hours of talking, but that little flutter was slowly developing into a crush instead of disappearing and Chaewon was fully aware of it.Â
She did feel guilty about it though; Yunjin and Y/n were in a relationship or dating, one of those. The girl didnât know which, but either way she didnât want to get in the way. Well, she hadnât asked, but she was quite sure because everyone was close in the friend group, but the two seemed to be more than just friends. From Chaewonâs point of view at least.Â
âI lost Zuha, I donât have my phone and Jen has my bowââ The girl went on talking as she grabbed hold of Chaewonâs hand and pulled her to the side, away from the walking crowd. She bit on her lower lip to get rid of the smile she became painfully aware of. âWhereâs Jen?âÂ
âUhmâI lost her, but I have the bow.âÂ
Y/n turned around and Chaewon showed her the bow in her hand, making the distress on Y/nâs face wash away, being replaced by a smile. This time the smile was directed solely towards Chaewon and it made her chest fill up like an air balloon with how much warmth spread through her, all running up to her cheeks.Â
âYouâre my saviour todayââ The girl was about to reach for it but stopped, âcould you help me put it on, I donât have a mirror and will mess it up.âÂ
Chaewon wanted to argue that the girl could do it once she was back with her team or have Kazuha or Yunjin help her simply because her hands were trembling and she was scared she would mess it up. The last thing she wanted was to get even more awkward even if it was only coming from her side.Â
However, she knew that she didnât have the heart to deny the girl nor did Y/n have the time to wait around as the performance started soon.
The girl hummed with a nod and sucked on her lower lip as Y/n stepped closer to her, tilting her head down. Chaewon was probably an inch and a half taller, managing to reach just fine.
âYou know how to do it, right?â The question made her look down at Y/n as she reached for the already-done ponytail. This was probably the closest she had been to the girl and it was making her even more nervous, especially when Y/n looked up at her through her lashes.Â
She gave a short hum and nod of affirmationâagainâthe girl in front of her let out a breathless chuckle. Chaewon did her best to keep her attention on Y/nâs hair as she pulled the ponytail through the tie, making sure the bow stayed in place the whole time.
âHow are you feeling about the game on Friday?âÂ
She glanced away from the hair for a second, seeing that Y/n was looking up at her the whole time, it was making her feel warm.Â
âShouldnât I ask how you are feeling about the performance you have coming up?â Chaewon asked back.
Her first game on the team was next week despite not being on the starting lineup or getting to play much she was still more and more jittery the closer the game was.
Y/n subtly shook her head. âI donât like talking about them right before, makes me too nervousâŠI like to pretend that Iâm here to be part of the audience until we are on the stage.â
âOkayââ She acknowledged, licking her lower lip as she concentrated with her eyes back on the ponytail. âIâve always been comfortable on the field, but Iâve played on the same team for years so Iâm kind of scared even if I might not play much.â The girl couldnât help but admit, trusting Y/n to carry these words with tenderness as she didnât have anyone to open up to anymore. Chaewon felt alienated no matter how welcomed she had been, she had yet to get close enough to anyone to open up but Y/n made it easy.
There was a pull towards her and her aura; one that made words slip past lips much easier.
âDo you think thatâs because you still have to get more comfortable with your teammates or with the fact that youâre playing on your home field even though it doesnât feel like home?âÂ
The words made Chaewon stop for a second and look Y/n in the eye again as she hadnât been able to tell what it was that made her feel scared when the field had always been her home; her comfort. Y/n just made it clear for her; the exact problem was that it had always been a home when she played in her old jersey, with her old team and this had yet to start feeling like a home.Â
âI think thatâs it, everything feels foreign even though Iâve gotten accustomed to how you guys play, it feels like something is off.âÂ
Y/n hummed at that.
âI think that once you get on the field during an actual game, adrenaline will make you feel right at home like this is right where you belongâŠit will happen so quick you will only realise it after.â
She pulled away from the cheerleader, the sweet scent fainter as her senses were being filled by the dull air of the centre again. The words made her think about it, trying to figure out if that would be the case, it sounded too simple.Â
âYou think so?â Chaewon asked, her hands fiddling with the loose material of her jeans as she watched Y/n who made sure the bow was secure.Â
âYeah, your home is where the ball is no matter who you play for.âÂ
It suddenly made sense to Chaewon who smiled as Y/n had managed to change her perception of things and it made the tension wash away. If anything, Chaewon was now looking forward to the game to finally be able to find her home again by playing where the ball was.Â
âThank you for that, I needed someone to talk to about itïżœïżœïżœI like talking to you.â She felt herself blush at her own words, unable to recall when she was so easily flustered by someone, let alone by the words that left her lips. Her hands clutched onto the material of her jeans as Y/n smiled even bigger at her.Â
âWell, I donât mind helping and you have my number if you want to talk.âÂ
Chaewon didnât get to get another word in though as her heart started to sling around in her chest and they were joined by the other two. The girl remembered that she maybe should try to avert her eyes away from Y/n when the girl was engulfed in a hug by Yunjin.
âWhere were you?â The shorter girl complained and Yunjin pulled away from their brief hug, a frown graced her features for a split second at the bow in Y/nâs hair that she always helped her with. However, she dropped it because she knew that Y/n always relied on Yunjinâs presence before her performancesâthe ginger was Y/nâs cheerleaderâand she didnât have much time left now.Â
It wasnât talk though, just her presence alone and she had no clue why and neither did the cheerleader have an explanation when she asked aside from it being her Jen.
âI was looking for youââ She wanted to continue but couldnât let go of the thought that she hadnât helped Y/n with her bow. It wasnât the end of the world, but it was part of a habit, it was like a ritual before every competition that they had done since they were kids. âWhen did you put this on?â Yunjin curiously asked, her fingers doing a minor change to the bow and Y/n looked up through her lashes at her hand.
âChaewon helped me because weâre short on timeââ They truly were short on time when Kazuha linked her arm with Y/n and pulled her away from Yunjin.
âWe have to go, Yeonjun texted that the coach needs us all together,â Kazuha informed them as they were already walking away.
Yunjin only waved, knowing that Y/n didnât like it when someone wished her luck or talked about the performance beforehand.Â
âSorry for losing you like that.â She apologised to the girl beside her as she had only realised that Chaewon wasnât with her once she reached Kazuha.Â
âItâs fine, it wasnât for too long.â Yunjin chuckled at that with a nod before they made their way to Jimin and Yujin.
Chaewon found herself in an even bigger crowd once they had made it to the other two and not long after she got to see the cheer performance of her life. Of course, the schoolâs team did great, but even the cheerleaders at her old school didnât cheer as well as Yunjin did beside her while they watched them perform.Â
She was sure she hadnât seen two more lovesick people when they won and she watched Y/n run right into Yunjinâs arms. Chaewon watched from the sidelines as Y/n clung onto Yunjin who practically carried the girl. She congratulated the other two people she was close to from the cheer team, Yeonjun and Kazuha.Â
What caught her attention were Yeonjunâs words.Â
âIâve never seen two more annoying best friends, the love makes me want to throw up.âÂ
It made her frown and look at them in confusion, but Yeonjun was already talking to someone else and Y/n had walked over to her.
Best friends? Love? It could mean so many things, couldnât it?
Had Chaewon read too much into their relationship? However, two best friends could be in a relationship, couldnât they? The longer she observed them the more confused she grew as the signals werenât mixed, but clear, however; clear with what intentions? Were they together?Â
Chaewon was too shy to forwardly ask, especially if she was right and they were a couple. She didnât need Yunjin to assume that she had a crush on Y/nâshe did, but that was her secretâit would be awkward and she didnât need to lose friends she just made.Â
Loud.
Loud was one of the only words that could fill her head as she nervously fiddled with the polyester of her white shorts. She was benched, but that didnât mean that her nerves werenât spiked as she watched the team play. The crowd on the bleachers was loud and the only few times her eyes drifted away from the ball was when the cheer team would motivate the team and make the crowd even louder.
One cheerleader still stuck out to her. God, Y/n stuck out like a sore thumb in Chaewonâs eyes after knowing her for two weeks and she was stuck in a dilemma. Was she supposed to forget about her crush or keep crushing in secret even if Y/n wore Yunjinâs varsity jacket with the number 8 and the girlâs last name? It wasnât like her crush was hurting anyone as long as she kept it to herself, and if it did, the only person it would hurt was Chaewon.
It made her space out once again, her eyes losing the ball and getting stuck on the setting sun in the distance as the crowd's noise disappeared.Â
It wasnât right, she was sure that if Y/n and Yunjin werenât in a relationship, they at least had to be dating while slowly pursuing something with how close they were.
However, Y/n made her feel so at home in a foreign place that she sometimes doubted her assumptions because of how close she was to the girl. The cheer captain was hard to crack with how affectionate and caring she was.
Y/n was caring, kind, observant to the people around her, intelligent, athletic, pretty, and brightâChaewon realised that she was starting to list things about Y/n in her head once again and it made her feel guilty once she remembered how Yunjin and Y/n looked at each other.
Ideally, she would want to date the girl and slowly pursue something more than friends while they were still getting to know each other so it wouldnât be a deal breaker if she confessed as a friend. It seemed perfect since they had just met. Or maybe she could set a standard to find someone like the girl?
It did not matter how many times she tried not to, Chaewon kept spacing out with the same difficult thoughts.
She cursed Y/n for bringing her such comfort yet she was more than thankful.Â
Would it be wrong to test the waters because as far as Chaewon knew some people still went out with others during the early stages of dating? Just to show her gratitude.
But Yunjin; Chaewon found a great friend in the captain.
She had yet to get the clear meaning behind the words Yeonjun said a week ago.
Chaewon jumped, flinching at the cold hand that brushed over her arm.
âOhâIâm sorry?â Her eyes widened as she looked to her side at Y/n who let out a small laugh at the reaction. That momentary coldness she felt disappeared as heat ran over her whole body, certainly leaving her ears redder than they already were.
âItâs fine, I didnât notice you.â Chaewon breathed out, rubbing her clammy palms against the fabric of her shorts. She looked around to see that the cheerleaders had spread out, seemingly taking a break for a few minutes. Her gaze went back to Y/n and her stomach flipped when she remembered the thoughts that she just had.
She scooted a bit closer to her teammate to make some more space for the cheerleader on the bench. Amidst the fresh scent of the green grass that had been watered, the scent she had grown familiar with danced its way around her as Y/n sat down beside her. Chaewon froze, glancing down as their knees touched and she tried her best to pay attention to what Y/n was saying.
âI noticed you spacing out and thought that it could have been because of what we talked about.âÂ
Y/n truly was observant and it was admirable, but now Chaewon had to lie because she couldnât tell the girl that she was daydreaming about her.Â
âOhâwellâŠkind of, thereâs just a lot on my mind lately.âÂ
âDo you want to talk about it or get your mind off of it? Maybe the latter considering the circumstances.âÂ
She chuckled at the girl's words and nodded her head because the last thing she needed was to get her head occupied with more stuff in case she would be called to sub in.
âWhat are your plans for the weekend?âÂ
âI donât have any yet, wellââ Chaewon stopped for a second to contemplate whether or not she should ask if Y/n wanted to hang out. However, did Chaewon want it to be a normal hangout? Not really unless Y/n wasnât truly single. âProbably practise some on my own.â
Chaewon decided to wait until she knew what exactly Y/n and Yunjin were.
âYouâre like Yunjin, you two could probably head together.âÂ
Chaewon looked down at her cleats as she grabbed hold of the bench, almost jolting at how she brushed her hand over Y/nâs for a second. She seemed to be the only one to notice as the cheerleader was looking over the field.Â
âYou two are close.â The girl pointed out the obvious and tilted her head to the side to look at Y/n. She watched how the smile grew slightly bigger at the mention and she understood that even if she wanted to she didnât stand a chance if just the mention of Yunjin made Y/n smile that big.
âWeâve been there for each other for so long, Jen means the world to meâsheâs my person and always will be.âÂ
Yet Chaewon couldnât help but admire it, wishing to have something similar with someone. Y/n looked at her and giggled, Chaewon catching the small tint of pink that shaded the girl's cheeks, but the same happened with hers as she had been staring at the girl once again.Â
She was worried it would become obvious soon enough.Â
Yunjin took a deep breath as she had been in her headspace the whole time, fully indulged in the field and game. She could feel the sweat dripping down her forehead, whatever loose hair strands that fell from her ponytail were sticking to her skin.Â
The score was still 0 - 0 and she knew that they werenât aiming for a draw or a simply good game. That was not what the coach wanted, their coach was harsh at times, but it always came with the best results.
Yunjin would always beat herself up though, but it was her dream and dreams meant sacrificing even a piece of herself.Â
If they lost or had a draw then they didnât do their best.Â
That was why she could only spare the person she had been dreaming about for the past three years a second long glance as she was waiting for a throw-in from one of their defenders.Â
That godforsaken feeling of longing, love and fear still slipped through her strongly made facade that she put up on the field when she saw Y/n laughing with Chaewon. Y/n made all her walls crumble so easily.
It made her exhale deeply to try and wash away that tinge of jealousy she felt. At the back of her head, she knew that this skinny love maybe wouldnât last or maybe wasnât even real and that any could sweep away her biggest dream.Â
Y/n was becoming closer to Chaewon, not as close as she was with Yunjin, but it gave her zero reassurance. Yunjin couldnât tell if she was close as in best friends or close as in love with Y/n anymore, she hated thinking about being the only one. Yet she couldnât find out as she bit her tongue and focused back on the game when the ball got thrown to one of the midfielders.Â
Chaewonâs conversation with Y/n was interrupted as the crowd started to cheer louder, the two joining in anticipation as they watched the midfielders create a perfect opportunity for the forwards when the ball got passed to Yujin. The captain was open as she was quicker on her legs than the defender who was tailing her.Â
It was a perfect opportunity to finally set a score of 1 - 0 in the last 15 minutes of the game when Yujin lobbed the ball over to Yunjin.Â
All that loud cheering turned into furious' âboosââ and shouts of disapproval and dissatisfaction at the late tackle that ended with Yujin on the ground and the whistle being blown amidst the wail of pain.
Chaewon widened her eyes with her heart racing, unsure if it was because of what just happened to Yujin who was aided right away or the coach telling her to quickly warm up to get on the field.Â
It wasnât long until Yujin was being assisted off of the field to get taken to the hospital, giving Chaewon a thumbs up despite the tears in her eyes.
She felt jittery once again, the loud cheers that were erupted by the cheer team going right back to bring up the spirit of everyone. It put so much more on her than she already felt as she got on the field with her heart jumping without a stop against her ribcage like a bouncy ball.Â
Yunjin was worried, to say the least, she hadnât played long with Chaewon but sheâd seen the girl's skills and she was good. However, she had no clue how well she worked under pressure, especially in important games. She wasnât doubting Chaewon, the girl used to be a starting striker and captain just like Yunjin.
The worries of both girlsâ disappeared right after the whistle blew and the game was back in play after the free kick. Something sparked within the both of them, seemingly sending the spark to each other as chemistry kindled between the two.Â
Yunjin always excelled, going beyond what was the limit and she took notice of the fire in Chaewon who pushed beyond a different limit, one she wasnât sure she could push. Any other day she would see it as a threatâespecially as the captain and with Chaewonâs old position and titleâbut she couldnât, not when they were attacking the goal once again, creating a perfect opening with a few minutes left.Â
If they missed this opportunity they would have to try and push for a goal during overtime instead of wasting it to keep their winning score.
So the ball got lobbed over to Yunjin who ran into the penalty area the second the ball crossed the line. It wasnât a hard decision, it never would be because she would never be selfish on the field. She had the opportunity to score a goal; Yunjin half-volleyed it over to Chaewon who had a better opportunity to score.
Y/n had been right all along and Chaewon hadnât smiled as big as she did now ever since she landed at JFK airport when she scored. Her body was engulfed in the thrashing hugs of her teammates. Maybe she could find a home here after all as the adrenaline made her feel like she was floating in her zone of comfort again.Â
The bitter taste in her mouth was no longer present, replaced by the sweet sound of the whistleblowing not long after; winning 1 - 0.
âHuh and Kim.â The two girls didnât get to join the celebration of their teammates for longer than a few minutes before being called by their coach.Â
Their chests were still heaving with exhaustion and the coursing adrenaline in their veins as they glanced at each other in confusion. The people around them celebrated, the people dissipating from the bleachers to congratulate the team and head home, the clock striking 9 P.M.
âGreat play from the both of you, especially at the endâI just finished talking to Yujinâs dad and as itâs looking right now she wonât be playing.â The two nodded, feeling relief at the praise, but concerned at their teammate's state who was at the hospital.Â
âWhat happened?â Yunjin asked, her forearm coming up and wiping away the sweat before it would trickle down to her eyes.
âIt looks like a sprained ankle so she wonât be able to play for the rest of the season which brings us hereââ Yunjin glanced over at Chaewon who was attentively listening to the woman in front of them. âChaewon will be part of the starting lineup as a second striker for the rest of the season, the decision is made based on skill.â The ginger knew that their spare second striker wasnât nearly as good as Yujin and that Chaewon was perhapsâdefinitelyâbetter than Yujin herself.
The coach nodded, dismissing the two as she walked away.
âI hope we can work with a perfect dynamic both on and off the field, Chaewon,â Yunjin said, turning to look at the shorter girl. The new starter parted her lips before closing her mouth, hesitating about what to say which Yunjin had grown used to as Chaewon was still getting comfortable around them.Â
She smiled at the girl and stretched out her hand and Chaewon accepted it with a smile. âI will do my bestââ They gently squeezed before letting go and Chaewon grew the courage to compliment her captain. âIt was a great assist on your part, thank you for the opportunity.âÂ
âAlways, weâre a team and I will always prioritise our whole team over my desire to score goals.â The two laughed at Yunjinâs words as they headed over to the huddle of cheerleaders, teammates, and other students while talking with each other.Â
The thoughts of competing with each other disappeared as they worked better together than against each other. Â
âYou two did so well, that pass and goal wereââ The rest of the cheer captain's words were muffled as her face ended up in Yunjinâs jersey who grabbed hold of her best friend when she jumped into her arms. It warmed Yunjin as she smiled, squeezing Y/n in her arms.
âThank you, pretty girl, but your cheering kept us going,â Yunjin replied and Y/n pulled away with a grin.
âWhat about us?â Yeonjun questioned and Jimin was right behind him, holding the cameraâpictures for the senior yearbookâKazuha jogging over to the rest.
âI guess you guys did okay.â She said with a shrug, receiving dirty looks from the two cheer members. The warmth from her arms disappeared and her eyes trailed over to Y/n to see the girl grab hold of Chaewonâs hand and pull her over to them.
âDo we leave for the beach?â Jimin questioned.
Chaewonâs head perked up, looking away from the hand that was clasping onto hers but Y/n let go once they reached the group.Â
The rest agreed and Y/n turned to her with a smile. âWe usually head to the beach after with a few more people to celebrate, you included. Do you need a ride?â
It wasnât long before she was sitting on the beach after being squeezed into one of the few cars as there were probably a dozen other students. The sun was just about to disappear fully, the weather was more chilly by the beach, the girl in a pair of loose jeans, a hoodie and her varsity jacket with the number 52 on it and her last name.
She had been sitting and talking with mostly Jimin who was sitting beside her on one of the blankets, Yeonjun joining in as he sat across from them on a beach chair he looked two times too tall for. Kazuha had dozed off on Jiminâs shoulder just an hour after they arrived. A small campfireâone of the two where another group was sitting occasionally butting into their conversationsâkept them warmer while keeping the atmosphere.Â
The shore where the waves gently brushed was also filled with laughter and shouts as a soccer ball was passed around as they played rondo. Part of that circle was Yunjin and in the middle with a guy was Y/n, running around and trying to get possession of the ball.Â
Chaewon hadnât had the chance to talk much more to Y/n after they drove off.
She was a wallflower; Y/n was a social butterfly.Â
Sheâd argue that they were two worlds apart, but she was proven wrong as butterflies were always drawn to flowers. Y/n had approached her the first day and had continued to do soâ
âAre Y/n and Yunjin together?â It barely made it past the ocean breeze, gentle waves, laughter and crackling fire as she mumbled the words into the air, they almost managed to get blown away by it. Her fingers fiddled with the soda in her hands, nervous to say the least as her heart pounded at the question she asked.
âbut as much as butterflies were drawn to flowers, they also danced among each other the way Y/n and Yunjin did.
She glanced at Jimin who hummed, the girl looking at her and what she got in return was a breathless chuckle.Â
âDoes it look like it?â Chaewon shrugged at the question, watching as Yunjin ran away from the circle after tunnelling the ball between Y/nâs legs, the cheerleader chasing right after her.Â
Their relationship was contagious and it made Chaewon smile, wondering if there was someone like that out there for her. Yunjin was more than lucky, she envied it but not in a bad way, she only wished to find happiness in a new place. She kind of had, but people always wanted more than they had, didnât they?
âThey look like the type that went from best friends to lovers.â She admitted.Â
Their dynamic reminded her of two best friends while also having that extra step that made her believe that they were more. Those affectionate gestures, the way they looked at each other and held each other, those glances and touches she had taken notice of.
Chaewon rested her elbows on her knees, the soda can in hand as she spun the tab around with her finger. Her eyes left the two girls as Y/n tackled Yunjin onto the sand, their laughter being almost obnoxiously loud. They landed on Jimin who had been looking at the two and now looked at Chaewon with a slightly confused frown that disappeared as she shook her head with a smile.
âThey are the first but not the second.âÂ
Chaewon frowned. âSo they arenât dating either?â She asked, wondering if they were in the stages of trying to pursue something. That guilt she felt for crushing on someone her new friend was with slowly started to disappear when the girl beside her shook her head.
âNope, theyâve been best friends since middle schoolââ She watched as Jimin looked over at the two girls before looking back at her. âYouâre crushing on one of them, arenât you?â She teasingly asked and Chaewon took in a deep breath and held it, a blush dancing its way onto her cheeks and ears.Â
Her knee got nudged by Jiminâs and she exhaled the breath that she was holding. âY/n kind of caught my attention I guess.â She shyly mumbled, letting her hair fall and cover more of her face as she stared down at the blanket under her.Â
âIâm vouching for you and if you need some good vouching, thereâs no one better than Yunjin.â It made sense because who would be better than Y/nâs best friend? She could maybe look for some moral support and help. Chaewon knew that if the two were best friends she would need as much of Yunjinâs trust as she needed Y/nâs.Â
âUgh, thereâs like a whole sandbox in my shoes.â Y/n groaned.
âI guess thatâs what happens when you go to the beach and start tackling people,â Yunjin replied, looking at the girl who was sitting beside her on the sand after tackling her.Â
Y/n gasped and tilted her head, âdoes it, Jen?â She mocked and Yunjin chuckled as the girl gave her a light shove as she slipped her shoe back on after emptying it of sand.
The wind blew colder and she watched the way Y/nâs hair blew out of her face, the girl still brushing away some strays that got in the way. Yunjin felt herself hold back a shiver, knowing that the smaller girl was cold as she only had a long sleeve and no jacket. It made her manoeuvre around, the girl giving her a confused hum as she looked back at Yunjin.
âWhy are you always so underdressed?â She genuinely asked as she couldnât remember a single time the girl had dressed according to the weather. It earned her a small chuckle as she settled behind Y/n who leaned back into Yunjin, having the girl sit between her legs. The striker adjusted her varsity jacket and covered Y/n with it too before hugging around her shoulders to keep her warm and to simply be close to the cheerleader.Â
Yunjin no longer paid attention to the way her heart constricted before exploding as she had grown used to it after all these years. Especially after coming to terms at the beginning of high school that she was in love with Y/n. A small smile rested on her lips as she propped her chin up on top of Y/nâs head, cupping the cold hands that had started to fiddle with her fingers.Â
After a minute of silence, she got her reply.Â
ââCause it always ends with you hugging me or letting me borrow your clothes. I like that.â
Yunjin was so in love that it hurt and it hurt more each time she bit her tongue to prevent herself from saying it out loud to her best friend. It made her heart twist and pump extra hard, sending warmth throughout her whole body; each time it happened she felt at home.Â
That warmth she felt with Y/n was the warmth of a home.Â
She wanted to believe that neither said anything to make sure that it stayed this way forever. Yunjin wanted to be stuck in this moment forever even if she wasnât in a relationship with Y/n at this moment. She could be stuck in a moment like this forever simply because it was just them and she never would have to worry that someone or something could ruin it. It was like a safe space where she knew that she had Y/n and would be the only one to hold her.
Yunjin was also aware that time didnât stop, not even for love.
âI can do that without you possibly getting sick.â She mumbled. The girl in her arms hummed as their fingers tangled with each other. Yunjin stared ahead at the ocean before them, hoping to find them on the horizon; that somehow her dreams would happen.Â
She lifted her head as Y/n turned the slightest in her hold and their eyes met. A smile on her best friend's lips whose hand found its way to the necklace she was wearing, toying with the pendant all while bringing Yunjin closer. It was these moments when Y/n pulled her even closer, where she looked Yunjin in the eye in a serene silence that brought them to Eden. It was these moments that made the girl believe that Y/n was in love when she just silently looked her in the eye.
Yunjin dreamed of getting rid of her bad habits where her mouth was glued shut, where she bit her tongue as it got tied when she was around the girl no matter how much those three words bubbled in her stomach. She dreamed of it being Y/nâs lips that glued her mouth shut by pressing against hers, that it was the girl biting her tongue, tying it with hers, but how did she tell that to Y/n?Â
She always wondered what it was that Y/n saw and looked for in these moments with the way she waited. Was she waiting for Yunjin? Or did the soccer captain look too much into it? Was she looking at just a best friend or someone she wanted more with just like the striker did?Â
Doubts, fears, worries, and insecurities all made her mouth get stitched together.
The ginger watched as Y/nâs gaze dropped, falling to the pendant of the necklace around her neck. Yunjinâs life would be mundane without Y/n in it, the girl who drove her insane in so many ways and there was no one else she could see herself as in love with.
âIâm lucky to have you.â Was what finally left the girlâs lip with a tired giggle after.
âI think Iâm luckier,â Yunjin replied as the girl dropped her head, resting it under Yunjinâs chin who hugged her closer around her shoulders to shield Y/n from the wind.Â
âYeah, you are.â She chuckled at the words, smiling as she knew how lucky she was to have Y/n as her best friend. Yunjin knew that she was one of the luckiest people on earth by getting to feel Y/nâs love no matter in what form it came and with what intentions. She also knew how lucky she was to have the chance to fall in love with her best friend, to love her even if it was in silence.Â
The sun was out and warming up the day, the grass on the field was not as green as the grass on the schoolâs field. It held a yellowish hue to it at certain spots on the enclosed soccer field. There was a gentle breeze of cold and Yunjin kicked the ball, the sound of it hitting the crossbar echoed through the air and she huffed a breath of exhaustion.Â
âYouâre a surprisingly good playmaker for a centre forward.â
âI used to be a second striker,â Yunjin replied as the ball smoothly glided between her feet and she walked over to where Chaewon was sitting on the grass with her water bottle. âThen our main striker quit and I became captain and main striker because of skill plus my height.â She proceeded to explain.
Yunjin put her hands into the pockets of the trainer she had on to not get too cold in just shorts. She carefully juggled the ball as she stood a few feet away from Chaewon. It was slightly after 1 PM and they had been doing 101 drills after Y/n suggested to ask Chaewon.
Aside from that, Yunjin wanted to get closer to the new girl, so the best option was to ask Chaewon to hang out.
Chaewon was starting to become a close friend like she was with her other friends. There wasnât anything to complain about, especially with how much they had in common and would play alongside each other for a whole season.Â
âCoach was sceptical of putting me as the main striker, thought I was better suited for secondââ Chaewon started. âMostly because of my height.âÂ
Yunjin looked over at the girl who smiled up at her, chuckling as she nodded her head at the words. âI think we can make the most out of the current lineup.âÂ
Chaewon hummed at that as she put her water bottle down, slightly tugging onto the sleeves of the compression shirt she had under her jersey. It was a surprise when she got a text from Yunjin in the morning, asking if she wanted to practise some drills.Â
That feeling of possibly being alienated had started to fully dissipate.
She busied her fingers by pulling onto the strands of grass, the soft thuds of Yunjin juggling the ball filled her ears and she found herself thinking about the same thing once again. It felt like a good idea to tell Y/nâs best friend that she was starting to like the girl.
That thought had passed her mind a few times since last night, especially when she knew that she would spend time with Yunjin alone today.Â
It could make things easier, especially since Chaewon knew that she was good at holding back because she was shy. She feared she would bite her tongue hard and long enough that by the time she would let go, it would be too late. The last thing she wanted was to regret something because her tongue was tied, but it was hard to simply untie knots of shyness that had been with her since she was little.Â
She wished she could be more like some people around her and stop biting her tongue; Yunjin felt like a good example from her point of view. The girl always had Y/nâs attention and didnât shy away.
A deep breath slipped past her lips and she looked up from the grass and at the girl in front of her. There was a mix of anxiety and fear swirling in her stomach, but she forced some courage into it, trying to think of how she only would live once and this was her senior year.
It was truly difficult and it got only harder the more she started to think about it; the more she would overthink, the more reasons came up not to do it. Dating within a friend group? What if Y/n didnât find her interesting enough? What if she simply wouldnât be good enough? That paired with the fact that Y/nâs standard was probably impossibly high seeing how her dynamic worked with her best friend. Was Y/n even into girls?Â
It all made her want to curl up and hide as the dark gloom of anxiety covered the sky and cast a shadow over her.Â
Why was liking someone so hard and scary?
She was supposed to drop the pessimism though.
Chaewon couldnât let up pursuing something with someone whom she grew attracted to in the blink of an eye. What if this was meant to be and she would waste it because she was scared and shy? That seemed to be the dealbreaker.
âWould you vouch for me if I liked someone you know and are close with?â
âYeah of course, why wouldnât I?â Yunjin replied right away after the momentary silence that had fallen between them. It was a bit surprising to hear the girl be this straightforward, especially after seeing Chaewon hold back and shy away often. It let Yunjin know that she was comfortable with her.Â
Yunjin obviously would vouch for her new friend and she couldnât deny it because Chaewon was truly a great person and friend even if they had known each other for only two weeks.Â
She got a hum from the girl, her eyes darting between the ball that she was juggling and Chaewon on the grass. Yunjin was about to ask who it was; her mind swirled with the people Chaewon had gotten close with and she was about to utter the words âIs it Jimin or Zuha?â Maybe even Yeonjun no matter how insufferable he could be at times. However, Chaewon was much quicker and Yunjinâs world possibly crumbled into pieces even quicker.
âOkay, âcause itâs Y/n.â
The ball dropped, Yunjin felt her heart fall right with it and she couldnât force a breath out for what felt like hours but was a few seconds. Unable to breathe for the few seconds that it took for her to register the fact that everything would change.Â
What had yet to come was the acceptance of how everything would change.
How did she come to terms with losing someone she loved and being nothing more than best friends forever? How did she accept the fact that she would possibly never get to know or get to tell?
Once she was able to get a shaky breath out she realised that they were growing quicker than usual. Something was wrong, something definitely was wrong as a fire that destroyed everything in its way started in her make-believe world where it was her and Y/n forever whether they uttered it out loud or not.Â
She was so set on her make-believe world that Chaewon liking the girl she loved didnât cross her mind because in her head it was Y/n and Yunjin even if it wasnât written for everyone to see.Â
âWhat?â Yunjinâs voice was laced with confusion, that confusion wasnât directed at Chaewon liking Y/n. That confusion was directed towards her dreams, that stupid horizon where their dream started. Had Yunjin been stupid enough to think that the horizon was reachable?Â
That confusion was the uncertainty of what was next. What came next if Yunjin was in love, but too scared to confess because she didnât want to lose a best friend, but neither did she want to lose a possible lover to someone else? Lose her by not telling her the truth before someone else gets the chance before Chaewon could unknowingly steal Yunjinâs dream.
âHuh?â Chaewon squinted her eyes as the sun peeked out from behind the clouds that were starting to clear from the sky. Her hand came up to her face to shield her eyes as she looked at Yunjin.
âHuh?â Was all that Yunjin could utter back, her hands jitterly pulling at her trainer as she started to feel uneasy at the fear growing in her.
âY/n, I like her.â She repeated, assuming that Yunjin didnât hear what she had said at first. Chaewon repeated them firmly, but that didnât mean that she wasnât crumbling on the inside because she was unsure of Yunjinâs reaction or if the captain would consider her enough for Y/n.Â
âOh.â That security disappeared from Yunjinâs life and was replaced by what she knew would be a constant fear of losing Y/n to someone else because of an even bigger fear.Â
It made Yunjin crouch down before she sat down fully in front of Chaewon. Her eyes darted around, trying to find something to look at that could distract her from the forlornness and apprehension.Â
âYeah.â
âThatâsâŠâ There were no words for her to describe what she felt let alone words to say to Chaewon who just admitted to liking the girl she had been in love with since middle school. The girl she had accepted she was in love with at the start of high school. The girl she had wanted to confess to since then, but had always been too scared because of what a high-risk gamble it was.
âHonestly, I was hesitant until last night at the beach after I asked Jimin about it because I thought you two were together.âÂ
Her eyes briefly darted back to Chaewon who scratched at the back of her neck with a slight frown. Was Yunjin being obvious? If so, did Y/n notice it too? She didnât want Chaewon to think that she as Y/nâs best friend didnât find her good enough for the girl. At the same time, she didnât want Chaewon to take the chance.Â
She was stuck in a dilemma within a dilemma. The captain was starting to drown in despair, her tongue getting tied into a tighter knot than ever before as she so badly wanted to tell Chaewon that she loved Y/n.Â
âWe arenât butâŠâ Yunjin tried her best to push through, she was fighting for it, but it made her heartbeat worse than it was a second ago. The thought of losing a best friend felt just as scary as losing a possible lover. Her hands balled up the material of her shorts as she stared down at the grass, letting her hair fall and cover the frown on her face all while listening to Chaewon talk.
âI didnât want to get in the way of anything and I was worried becauseââ Yunjinâs chest felt heavy and it only got heavier with all these suppressed feelings that grew like a garden. âWell, I wouldnât stand a chance against you and itâs not like I ever wanted to see you as competition over a girl so I would get over my crush on Y/n if that was the caseâŠI didnât want to ruin our friendship either since I like where itâs heading.â
âChaewonâŠâ She didnât manage to push anything out, there was a lump in Yunjinâs throat that wasnât letting her speak. Those suppressed feelings she always refused to let out were blocking her airways.Â
âItâs a relief, now I stand a chance, you know?â
âChaewon, Iââ She looked up at the girl who had a small smile on her face and Yunjin smiled back at her while feeling how her heart was being pierced by thorns. It felt like she was being mocked by her feelings, laughed at by her own heart for being so stupid. This was her chance to make sure that her new friend would get over her crush on Y/n.Â
âI think you stood a chance right from the start.âÂ
However, Yunjin didnât stand the slightest chance against her fears and so Chaewon didnât have much to worry about from the start.
Now each day that Yunjin woke up was filled with such fear and dread that she didnât want to wake up. Yunjin not only woke up afraid but went to bed even more scared, fearing that when she woke up she would do so to heart-shattering news.
The week went by with Yunjin feeling sick, her heart ached and she felt lost in the sea of choices that she had. There were so many that she could make yet it felt like she had no choices at all. Who was hurting her? It wasnât Y/n. It wasnât Chaewon. Yunjin was hurting herself.
Slowly she started to take notice of how over the week Chaewon had already started to make subtle moves despite her shy nature. Yunjin now saw how easily flustered the girl got and how giggly Y/n was with her too. With each time she took a deep breath, bit down on her lower lip, gazed at the girl she was in love with and reminded herself of how Y/n would forever be her best friend and that thatâs something that should make her feel over the moon.
Yet all it did was make her happy and ache in pain because she would always have Y/n, but not in the way she wanted to have the girl. It was frustrating, especially because of the agony it caused her.
She knew that Y/n wasnât spending less time with her because she wasnât and Yunjin would never mind Y/n spending time with someone else. The problem was that Y/n was spending time with someone who liked her, someone Yunjin said she would vouch for yet every time Chaewonâs name left Y/nâs lips she couldnât do more than hum because her voice had started to strain from the suppressed feelings.Â
What used to be Yunjin walking Y/n to class started to feel like Yunjin dragging herself after Chaewon and her best friend. However, it felt like reassurance every time Y/n would tangle her fingers with Yunjinâs fingers while walking in the middle. Her eyes paying attention to the other girl who would talk before looking over at Yunjin with a smile that made her smile right back.
What type of reassurance was Y/n giving her? Was Y/n sensing that something was off? Yunjin didnât want to be obvious, but she also wished she knew if that was reassurance of her not being replaced or reassurance of their skinny love going to last for years on end.
She was already reassured that she would never be replaced and she would never doubt that. What she did doubt was the fantasy she had lived in that she still hoped was true. Y/n loved her back.
Yet it lay heavily on her chest whenever she saw Y/n and Chaewon together.Â
Her eyes kept glancing towards the open door of the classroom, not paying much mind to anyone else around her. It had been a month since Chaewon transferred, tomorrow would be two weeks since Yunjinâs stomach started turning and throat close up.
It was hard to move at times, scared she would do the wrong thing, say the wrong thing because of how she had been forcing everything to stay inside. That garden of feelings in her lungs was starting to get too big for her to hold in.
Yunjin was holding back the door that was ready to burst open with emotions while constantly sweeping more of them inside.Â
The second she heard Y/nâs laugh, she felt a mix of relief and fear, knowing that her best friend was near but that she was probably with Chaewon. She and the girl had this class together, the class before was without Y/n who had physics with Chaewon. Yunjin knew that she would see Chaewon walk the girl to class, that was why Y/n wasnât early like she usually would be so they could talk before class started.Â
It was hard to hate Chaewon, Yunjin truly had no reason to hate the girl as she watched them outside the classroom. The new girl was perfect and if Yunjin hadnât been in love with her best friend she would wish for nothing more than for Y/n to be with someone as good as Chaewon.Â
Maybe she should wish for it right this moment because what if Yunjin wasnât enough? How could she be when she didnât dare to even express herself? She always prioritised Y/nâs happiness in the end.Â
Chaewon was right there and Yunjin too, but even if she was, she knew that it was miles away with how those words couldnât seem to reach Y/n. They never would as long as she screamed them on the inside.Â
Y/n laughed, she smiled, her eyes sparkled, that little jump she did when excited, the way she paid attention, and held eye contact; it all hurt from how beautiful Yunjin found it. It hurt even more to think that if she did nothing about her love for Y/n; she wouldnât be the only cause for those things to be ten times as bright.Â
She wanted to make Y/n laugh the loudest, smile the biggest, and have her eyes glimmer like water in the sun from love. Yunjin wanted to be the biggest source of happiness as Y/n was hers.
The second she walked in Yunjin straightened her posture and felt that beating of excitement ignite in her heart like it always did. All those worries were suddenly gone as Y/n walked towards her and even if they were in a classroom that was starting to pile up with students; it was just them in Yunjinâs eyes. Â
Yunjin wished she was more brave, but even the bravest people were scared of losing someone dear to them.Â
It always made her warm the second Y/n was near her, listening attentively to what her best friend was talking about as she sat down beside her. Lately, Yunjin felt more nervous around Y/n, taking notice of how flustered she felt and the way her heart would beat after growing used to it only for it to plague her again. It was as if she was being mocked by her own body by being reminded of what Y/n made her feel and how she would possibly lose someone who made her feel so much to Chaewon because she was scared.Â
âDo you have any plans for tomorrow?â She questioned the cheerleader, taking notice of how their knees were brushing against each other; how close they were sitting with her arm grazing Y/nâs now and then.Â
It was all becoming a clear picture that she had grown so used to she never noticed its details anymore.Â
Y/n smiled at her, Yunjin was expecting the usual answer since no one had planned anything. âYouââ She raised her eyebrows as Y/n didnât finish what she was about to say, realising a breath as she chuckled. âChaewon just asked if I wanted to hang out tomorrow.âÂ
Yunjin inhaled before exhaling just as deeply with a pout that disappeared quicker than it appeared. She wouldnât care, she never did care if Y/n couldnât hang out with her when she asked or the other way around because it was a given that they would get busy with other people and things at times. It was simply the fact that she wished that Chaewon had never told her about the crush she had grown on Y/n because Yunjin hated the fact that she knew what Chaewonâs intentions were.
It wouldnât be painful if she hadnât known; Yunjin would have seen it as nothing more than a friendly hangout and not Chaewon trying to get closer to the girl Yunjin was in love with.Â
âThatâs fine,â she reassured Y/n, her fingers toying with the sleeves of her varsity jacket. Yunjin didnât mind, she was just scared of where one simple hangout would lead because she still needed some more time to think this through. No matter how scared she was, she needed to be sure that those fears were worth suffocating for.
âIâm sure you can tag alongââ Yunjin knew that Y/nâs kindness made the girl oblivious yet she hoped that it was more than kindness and obliviousness towards her. She stopped her, knowing that Chaewon asked just Y/n for a reason. As much as it hurt, Yunjin was a good friend and would continue hurting instead of hurting someone else.Â
âNo, she probably has stuff planned for the two of youâŠItâs not like thereâs no next week.â Somehow it still felt like one of these weeks would be the last ones until Y/n would be swept away from her, ridding Yunjin of any chances to confess if she chose to do so.Â
Chaewon wasnât the best at planning, especially if she had yet to get to know Y/n on a deeper level. She took her chances the second she cleared her confusion about Y/n and Yunjin being together. It took away the guilt of crushing on the girl and it made it easier to act out on her feelings. Her gut feeling told her to finally ask the girl out and she did, but she wasnât brave enough to clarify that she would like to take her on a date.
It was a hangout.
She winged it after getting to know a bit more about Y/n, spending each free moment between them talking and showing interest. The perfect moments were the classes they had together, the few classes she could walk Y/n to and the times she bumped into the girl between periods.
Chaewon did her best to show interest, forcing herself to break down her wall of uncertainty and shynessâstill strugglingâhoping that she was enough to get Y/nâs attention back. It was more difficult than she wouldâve thought as the girl seemed to fall between oblivious and knowing yet playing dumb. Chaewon couldnât figure it out. Was Y/n getting the hints or was she oblivious to them?
Or maybe it was Chaewonâs fault as she hadnât dared to be obvious enough either because of how frightening it was to be vulnerable about her feelings, especially as someone closed off and typically shy.
She worked with what she had.
And so she was walking with her hands in her pockets, too nervous to take them out as she kept fiddling with stuff while walking beside Y/n at the aquarium. The enthusiasm and just Y/n in general was making her smile, her little crush was growing gradually, being blown up like a balloon and she had to bite back to not smile too much at certain times.Â
âDo you miss Austin a lot?â The girl suddenly asked as they reached the moon jellies.
Chaewon felt that stupid longing again and she wasnât sure why it mattered so much if she was in her senior year and would be moving away to university after. Maybe because it was so sudden and unfair to just be dragged away from her home as it was the last year she would get to spend there. Now once she left for university, when she would visit home it would mean visiting this new home and not the one where she grew up.
Chaewon had left a part of her behind and now wanted to find a way to fill it and build a new part so it wouldnât be as arduous.Â
âI do miss it, all the friends I had there, memories, the place where I grew upââ She replied, glancing at Y/n who was crouched down to look closer at the jellyfish. It made Chaewon crouch down too beside the girl, the calmness of the moment, all the moments she had with Y/n filled that empty spot slowly. She assumed that it was because Y/n was the first one to make her feel welcomed and at home whether with words or actions.
It could have been anyone, but she was lucky enough to land on Y/n in the school.
âIt will always be my home, Long Island is great but it will never be the place where I grew up.â So much for being a closed-off person, it felt like she was knocking over glasses filled with water when she was with Y/n from how much she so easily let spill from her mouth. She couldnât seem to seek solace in anyone else.Â
âIt wonât be the same when you visit home now if you leave, will it?â Chaewon rested her arms over her knees and rested her cheek on top of them to keep her gaze on Y/n instead of the jellies. It made her smile at how understood she felt by the girl. It warmed her that the cheerleader did her best to understand even if she had lived in Long Island since she was born.Â
Chaewon pursed her lips at the smile that grew, the heat that warmed her cheeks and the way her heart started to race. âIt wonât unfortunately.â She mumbled, watching how the blue light illuminated Y/nâs beauty, letting her know that there was beauty everywhere in the world and not just where her home was.Â
Y/n made her heart jump when she was caught looking at the girl, however, she couldnât look away. The cheer captain didnât seem to mind being more interesting than the exhibit was to Chaewon.Â
âWe will help you create enough memories during senior year so you have something to come back to and reminisce about.â That was where Chaewon hoped that all her new friends would come in and help, especially Y/n who she hoped she had a chance with. It would be memorable and something she would want to come back to if she was with someone who lived all their life in the state.Â
âThat would be great.â The cheer captain nodded at her words, looking back at the tank with the jellyfish.Â
âWhere are you going after the school year ends?âÂ
âIâm hoping to get scouted by UCLA, thatâs where I want to apply either way.â Her words made Y/n look right back at her with a small smile.Â
âMaybe some of us were destined to meet or we would be brought to each other by fate, depending on what you believe in.âÂ
âWhyâs that?â Chaewon questioned, getting back up on her feet as Y/n stood up.Â
âWeâre applying for the same school, Yunjin is hoping for the same as you. So maybe if you hadnât moved here, we would still meet if we got into the same universityââ She walked beside the girl, their shoulders and fingers brushed against each other, making Chaewon grab onto the material of her hoodie. âYou know the whole âbrought to each other by fateâ or âdestined to meetâ,â She chuckled at Y/nâs words, assuming that the girl had no clue how much more they fueled Chaewon.Â
What if it was meant to be? Chaewon had heard that love had its ways of bringing people who are made for each other together. Maybe that was why she grew attracted the second she saw Y/n. Was it the same for Y/n? What if Y/n would be the one she was going to fall in love with? Her heart started to beat tenfold, her silly little crush growing more serious with each second she thought about it.Â
It would be best if she stopped indulging in superstitions before she hurt herself.Â
âHow are they coming out?âÂ
Chaewon chuckled as she looked at the latest picture, moving her phone away when the cheerleader tried to get a peek at her screen. âThereâs no deleting any.â She established first as she found every picture of the girl overly perfect and memorable. Photogenic was yet another thing the girl was.Â
Y/n was perfect; it could be Chaewonâs heart eyes, but there truly wasnât anything to dislike about the girl. There was beauty on the outside which was the first thing Chaewon caught onto when looking at Y/n when she first stepped out onto the field on her first day and then she noticed the beauty on the inside when Y/n first spoke to her and made her feel at home.
âThat means that they are bad,â Y/n complained, making her shake her head in disagreement.
âThe opposite, I donât think itâs possible to get a bad picture of you.â It made her laugh when Y/n at last managed to grab hold of her forearm and she let the girl overpower her, bringing down her hand with the phone. Her free hand went up to the girlâs head, petting along the plush penguin beanie the cheerleader had on her head that Chaewon bought for her on their way out of the aquarium.Â
âYouâre being bold today.âÂ
âItâs easier when you look this cute and less intimidating.â She mumbled before flicking the beak of the penguin and taking her phone away from Y/n. Chaewon looked down at her phone and the lock screen flashed open with a new wallpaper. A picture Y/n had taken when she was busy looking at the girlâs beanie, petting her head and Y/n pouting at the camera.Â
âThe cost of keeping those pictures is me and you as your lock screenââ She smiled at those words, something she found herself doing with just the thought of the girl who stood in front of her. âYou look cute all engrossed by my beanie.â It made Chaewon look down at her feet and her shoulders slump inwards as she put her phone back into her pocket at those words.Â
Y/n called her cute.
If only she knew that she was all engrossed by her and not the beanie.
She glanced over at the river they were walking alongside and she thought about it for a second. Just a second and not any longer because if she spent a second longer she would end up overthinking and backing out.Â
âY/nâŠâ
âYeah?â She heaved a sigh as she looked at the cheerleader in front of her. Hands started to nervously twist the material inside her pockets while looking at Y/n who had the sun gently casting its rays on her skin. Her eyes sparkled, dimples prominent as she kept a small smile on her lips while looking Chaewon in the eyeâChaewon trying her best to keep eye contactâwaiting.
âWould you mind thinking of this as a date rather than a hangout?â Chaewonâs heart was beating in her ears and she felt like she would get a heatstroke from the waves of warmth that covered her face.Â
If she hadnât been gripping inside her pockets her fingers would be trembling with anxiety. This was the boldest and most straightforward she had possibly been and it was twisting her stomach.Â
âI have to be honestâŠâ That worry grew with those words coming from Y/n. Her eyes widened in fear of rejection and she was starting to regret that she even asked to begin with. Was this it?Â
âI kind of figured those were the intentions when you insisted on paying and handling everything.â
Chaewon exhaled deeply, relaxing her body while her heart continued to pound because it had yet to calm down like the rest of her. Maybe she had been obvious enough without having to say it. She didnât manage to utter a single word, still trying to collect herself from the fears she faced while watching Y/n grab hold of the flaps of the beanie while staring up at her.Â
âWhat kind of date?âÂ
Chaewon had practised this answer because she didnât want to move too fast or too slow. After all, there was no way she was the only one in the entire school who was interested in Y/n.Â
She cleared her throat, getting rid of the trembling it would possibly do.Â
âA no-pressure date where you donât have to think about where itâs heading, but rather to get to know each other without having to think about whether you like me or not and just get close for the first few ones before you think about the rest to know for sure if you want anything more or not.â
She was sure that no matter how many times she practised it, she still ended up rambling because she felt out of breath at the end of her sentence. Her wide eyes laid on Y/n, expectant, hoping that what she had said made sense because it did in her head. It did earn her a small giggle which she hoped meant that she was doing something right.Â
âOkay, but thereâs one thing.â
âOf course.â She had never agreed as quickly before, feeling the giddiness grow within her while biting on her lower lip to stop herself from grinning.Â
âNothing gets awkward if you ask me to date you and I reject you for any reason. I also think it will be better if you donât ask for reasons so it doesnât ruin anything.â
âYou sound set on rejecting me. You donât have to agree out of pity.â Her hands came out of her pockets, pulling her sleeves down and squeezing them to get rid of the clamminess on her palms. She proceeded to scratch at her neck, her anxious habits kicking in right away as her hands were jittery. The possibility of it being out of pity hung in the air as she watched Y/n shake her head.
âIâm not, I just donât want a possible friendship getting ruined if it doesnât come to anything.â She could get behind that considering they were still getting to know each other and it could either evolve into a friendship or something more from this point.Â
âOkayââ A calmness finally washed over her as they stood by the river, taking in a deep breath as she gazed over Y/nâs slightly flushed face before she looked at the hands that were clutching on the flaps of the beanie.Â
âCan I hold your hand then?â The blushing was starting to get overwhelming for Chaewon, but she couldnât help but push herself as she was beginning to get comfortable with it the more she did.
âYeah, what else do you usually initiate on a first date, Chaewon?â Shivers danced along her hot body when Y/n let go of the flaps and slid her hand into Chaewonâs properly for the first time. Her brain ignored all her other worries she had about holding Y/nâs hand as they started to walk, only being able to think about the fact that she was holding her hand.
âHand holding and hugsâŠMaybe a kiss on the cheek from you if you enjoyed it.â She mumbled the words into the air as she watched their hands.
âYouâre so sly.â Chaewon wanted to squealâshe would once she got homeâwhen Y/n stopped and placed a small peck on her already scorching cheek before she pulled her to continue walking along the lake while holding hands.Â
Saturday was game day with Chaewonâs first game on the starting lineup and Yunjin wasnât worried after all the drills they had been practising for the past two weeks. She had other things to worry about even if her priority should be the upcoming games aiming to become state champions to then take part in nationals.Â
However, Y/n would always come first, especially if it felt like she was on the brink of losing something she didnât yet have with her but wanted.
âHow was yesterday?â Yunjin only managed to have a brief conversation with Y/n about her hangout with Chaewon as the girl was helping her stretch before the game. Honestly, after she got the answer, she didnât want to talk more about it because her throat closed up with feelings she suppressed and her stomach twisted.Â
âIt was fun, we went to the aquarium, walked along the river, got some snacks and then she drove me homeââ Yunjin settled for the answer and she wasnât sure if she wanted to hear the rest from Y/n but she still did. âShe asked if I could think of it as a date instead of a hangout.âÂ
That heavy gloom had washed right over Yunjin, it felt like she was in the deepest parts of a blue sea where it was hard to breathe without it burning her lungs and making her tear up.
âDid you?â She carefully asked to make sure and to mask the quivering in her voice.Â
âYeah, itâs just to get to know each other first without thinking about whatâs next.â
âDo you think there will be more?â Yunjin wasnât sure why she asked because she knew that she would shed that gloom that coated her if Y/n answered with something she dreaded hearing. All she got was a moment of silence as Y/n looked up at her in thought, tilting her head as she shrugged.Â
âIf it happens it happens naturally and at its own pace so I canât say much.âÂ
Was this Yunjinâs shot to still have her chance with Y/n?
It was never too late for love, was it?
Yet her mouth was stapled shut and the more dates she watched Chaewon take Y/n on the more frustrations stored themselves behind that locked door of emotions. It was hurting to hold it closed. All those frustrations were towards herself and she didnât think she could have taken them out on someone else.Â
They were getting the best of her.
âWhat is up with you, Huh Yunjin?â She could only stare down at her hands as she sat in her coachâs office after practice.Â
Yes, they were on a 5 - 0 - 0 winning streak, but Yunjin knew that she was slacking and it was just like the coach said; âYou are physically on the field, but whereâs your head?â Her head was stuck on her best friend possibly falling for someone who wasnât her, her head was stuck on thinking about losing someone she loved to Chaewon.
âIâm sorry coach, I will get myself together for the next game.â She apologised, ready to stand up and as she did she was stopped.
âIf you donât I wonât have a choice but to bench you and make Chaewon the captain.âÂ
Yunjin knew that it was all her fault. She should be able to put up that facade she had made when she was on the field to not let her emotions get the best of her when playing.Â
It was impossible to put away the mess of emotions inside her though and even hanging out with Y/n wasnât making them go away. All she could think about was how her world was starting to crumble.Â
Would Chaewon unintentionally take everything away from her simply because she couldnât keep her composure and untie her tongue?
That seemed to be the last straw and the door burst open at the worst moment possible.
The second half was almost halfway done, 0 - 0 and she could feel the pressure of her complicated emotions and the coachâs words together with an expectant crowd. Was she just about to lose again? That anger she had towards herself for not being able to do what she needed was starting to seep through and make her take it out the wrong way.Â
Yunjin found it unfair; she had been playing for ages for the schoolâs team and was being threatened with being replaced by Chaewon. It felt even more unfair that someone she had known for years and loved for almost just as many would be Chaewonâs. The situation she was in was against her and it wasnât fair considering the amount of love she had for Y/n.
The ball was passed to Chaewon as they were attacking the goal, at least the intention from the midfielder was to pass it to Chaewon who would forward the ball to the captain for an assist. That was until Yunjinâs overwhelming emotions got the best of her and she stole the ball right before it touched the second strikerâs foot. It caused her shoulder to bump into Chaewonâs. It was harsh enough to have Chaewon almost stumble to the grass, barely catching herself with the tips of her fingers while continuing towards the goal.
At the back of her head, Yunjin still remembered her words and her morals; she would always prioritise the whole team to make sure they won over her desires.Â
That wasnât the case this time because if it hadnât been for Yunjinâs anger that turned her selfish they would have scored. What they got in return was the captain getting squeezed by two defenders and tumbling onto the grass before the whistle was blown and their chance of scoring was lost.Â
The wet grass she had fallen onto left a taste of metallic anguish in her mouth while the scent of dirt lingered by her nose. The force had left her lungs to burn, but she was overwhelmed by her frustrations to feel the actual pain.
âAre you okay? What was that about?âÂ
She harshly wiped the sweat off her brow to not get any in her eyes and her hard glare landed on Chaewon who was panting for air while extending her hand to help the captain up.
The girl was nothing but a good sport even if what happened wasnât slightly her fault. Everything was Yunjinâs fault and always would be, wouldnât it? Losing her title, losing the girl she loved, and wasting opportunities; were all Yunjinâs fault.
Confusion lingered in Chaewonâs gaze as Yunjin shoved her hand away. âLeave me alone, Chaewon.â Yunjin wished and hoped that the girl would disappear fully from her life no matter how perfect she was. It only made her wish that much more for the girl to disappear as she got up on her own, holding onto her knees as she leaned over.
Yunjin tightly shut her eyes, trying to muffle everything and everyone, feeling the tears trickle from her eyes as they stung her warm cheeks. The team surrounded her, worrying pats on her back and questions were thrown her way. She did it all on her own and she knew it. Yunjin spat out the blood in her mouth as she bit into her lip when colliding with the grass.
The only thing that snapped her out of it was the coachâs voice and she shrugged everyone off of her. Her shoulder once again bumped Chaewonâs who she didnât spare a second glance at while wiping the blood off her lip. The lump was hurting her throat, making her want to burst out in tears the same second she reached the woman in front of her.Â
âYouâre off the field, I will talk with you after.â Yunjin scoffed, ready to walk towards the bench. âKim!â She was stopped though as her shoulder was grabbed and she looked at her coach.Â
âI told you about the consequences, Huh, hand the armband over to Kim.âÂ
Her jaw clenched, fighting the tears that wanted to spill as she felt blow after blow hit her where it hurt the most with things she loved the most.Â
Yunjinâs trembling fingers tore the armband off of her as she snivelled and turned just in time as Chaewon jogged over to them. She didnât say a word nor did she wait for what Chaewon had to say as she opened her mouth; Yunjin shoved it into the girlâs chest with a huff, making Chaewon stumble before it fell to the grass and she walked away.Â
It was somewhere between humiliating and not as her emotions blinded her while she walked off the field and past the bleachers, past everyone she knew and she didnât stop. Yunjin couldnât stop because the closer to the lockers that she got the more sobs started to spill from her lips.Â
There was nothing else that she wanted to do but to love Y/n yet she hated how love made her feel like she was floating and then as if she was falling on her way to crash to her death.Â
She had yet to cry about it, Yunjin had been suppressing every little bit of pain she had felt, and she had been suffering without shedding any tears. It was something she had gotten good at just like she was good at suppressing her feelings, letting them build up inside until she was choking on them. Her choked sobs echoed through the empty locker room as she cried into her palms, sitting on the bench.
âJenâŠCan I come in?â
She looked up, her eyes falling on the door where Y/nâs soft voice came from behind. Yunjin snivelled, trying to figure out if seeing Y/n would make her feel better or worse. She knew that it would be the first, but she also knew it would push her tears further. The striker wiped at her eyes while mumbling a loud enough âyeahâ to her best friend.Â
What she knew was that Y/n wouldnât come in and assume how she was feeling, she wouldnât pity her, she wouldnât lie to her, and she wouldnât invalidate the way she felt. Y/n would offer her comfort, let her find solace in her and simply listen to her.Â
The problem was that she couldnât tell Y/n how she felt, there was nothing she could let off her chest when it all was about the cheerleader whose shoulder she was crying on.
âDo you need anything?â Yunjin shook her head as she didnât want anything but Y/n who was right beside her. It made her body shake as she cried, aware of the fact that she was crying because she finally had a way of letting out all these suppressed feelings and that what happened was the final push.Â
She couldn't hold it anymore, it was making her body tremble and she felt weak because of the exhaustion she felt from holding everything to herself.
Her eyes stayed shut as she cried in the crook of Y/nâs neck with her fingers tangled in the girlâs top. She dwelled in the feeling of Y/n rubbing her back with one hand as the other gently massaged her scalp. Yunjin knew that she would never lose this, but she would never be able to call Y/n hers and that brought her pain even if Y/n could soothe it.Â
âIâm always here for you, I will always listen to whatever you have on your mind, Jen, Iâm here to just be a shoulder to cry on too.âÂ
She took in shuddering breaths, trying her best to calm down as she listened to the girlâs words, but somehow they made it worse. The kinder Y/n was, the more she cared; the more Yunjin fell and the harder the impact of the fall was. It hurt to fall because she didnât tell Y/n the truth and had no one to catch her.Â
âI hate it when you cry, Jen. I donât want to see you hurting.â Yunjin knew that Y/n wasnât stupid. One thing Yunjin knew was that her best friend knew her well enough to know that more than what happened on the field bothered her.Â
It was enough for Yunjin to find the comfort that she needed without having to tell Y/n what it was because the girl was aware that it was more even if she didnât know exactly what it was.
âThank youâŠâ She mumbled, slowly pulling away from the girl as she wiped away the remaining tears on her cheeks.Â
There was so much she wanted to thank Y/n for, there was so much she wanted to tell her yet when she looked up from her lap and at her best friend she couldnât bring herself to risk it. Her lips parted and they meekly left her lips, moving but barely as she couldnât tell them loud enough for anyone but her soul to hear.
She watched how the corners of Y/nâs lips tugged up and the girl reached her hand up to her face. It made Yunjinâs ears ring from how her heart started to beat. âYouâre so stupid, Jenââ A breathless chuckle left Y/nâs lips and the ginger swallowed, her eyes not being able to meet Y/nâs gaze. After all, it always felt like they were trying to tempt Yunjin, trying their best to coax those suppressed feelings out.
Y/n made it feel like the easiest thing in the world; there was no one easier to love than Y/n and so those words were easy to say to the girl.Â
Yunjin was the one who made it the most difficult thing in the world; there was nothing harder than risking someone so easy to love.Â
âItâs gonna be swollen, idiot.â Yunjin winced, pulling her face away from Y/nâs hold after the girl's thumb pushed against the side of her lower lip. The pain only kicked in now as she looked at the little blood it left on Y/nâs thumb.Â
âIâm sorry for being tackled, I guess.â She grumbled, making Y/n roll her eyes.Â
There was yet another knock on the door that interrupted them and Y/n stood up, walking over to the door. The ginger watched her open the door which made her look down when she saw who was on the other side.
âI will be back with ice.â Chaewon nodded at the girl who gave her a small smile as she grabbed the door to hold it while Y/n stepped outside. Her eyes stayed on the cheer captain for a second who walked away before she stepped inside and let the door fall closed.Â
There was an awkward tension lingering in the air as she leaned against the door and finally looked at Yunjin who was staring down at the tiled floor under her cleats. Chaewon cleared her throat as she was there for two reasons. There was no way she could just let this go, not after what happened on the field.Â
Chaewon took a seat beside Yunjin, her hands holding onto the edge of the bench as she looked at her cleats. With a deep breath that she released right after she looked at the girl who was still avoiding looking at her.
âYunjin, did I do something?â There was no reason to wait around because no one would fix this for them. Chaewon didnât like where it had ended because she hadnât even known it was heading this way. As far as she knew there was no bad blood between them, however, she had a hunch about what it could be from Yunjinâs side.
âWhat?â The girl finally looked up, her lashes still wet, the blood dry on the corner of her lip. Chaewon pursed her lips, feeling sympathy for what her teammate and friend went through, from the fall to being ripped off the title of the team captain in front of everyone.Â
âI feel like that anger was aimed at me and Iâm not sure what I did, however, Iâm willing to apologise if I truly did something to upset you.â She didnât know exactly what it was, she could assume, but she wanted to know exactly what it was from Yunjin herself. Chaewon was willing to apologise for it because she could tell that it was more than the frustrations of pressure and feeling the need to win the game.Â
Chaewon pissed Yunjin off with how nice she was, with how good she was because all Yunjin wanted to do was resent her, but it was impossible to resent someone who hadnât done anything and was clueless about Yunjinâs feelings for the cheerleader. Y/n herself didnât know.Â
Her eyes looked over Chaewon as they stared at each other in silence.
Yunjin huffed and looked away, wiping away the remnants of tears on her lashes. The momentary silence let her consider what she should tell the girl. The consideration of telling Chaewon the truth about being in love with Y/n laid heavily on the scale as she wanted to lean towards it.
âIs it about Y/n?â Chaewon scratched at the back of her neck as Yunjin looked back at her after she broke the silence between them. She couldnât help but feel like it could have been about the girl she liked.Â
She cleared her throat as Yunjin was looking at her with wide yet confused eyes. The words that she pushed out from between her lips werenât easy to say aloud even if it was easy to like Y/n.Â
Chaewon still did it, âI like her, yes, but Iâm not trying to hog or steal your best friend. Iâm sorry if I may have been taking away from your time together, but those arenât my intentionsâŠY/n will always be your best friend and I will never try to replace that.â Her hands dropped to her lap as she looked between them and Yunjin.Â
Chaewon was aware of how much time she had been spending with Y/n both at school and outside of it whether they were planned dates or spontaneous hangouts. It wasnât intentional; she liked Y/n and was trying her best to get to know her and possibly spark interest from the cheerleaderâs side too. They had known each other for a good two months and she hoped to soon enough take the next step.
Yunjin sighed and looked in front of her to blink away the tears that wanted to fall again as those emotions were still faintly swirling around her head. That was the problem, wasnât it? She would always be Y/nâs best friend. That was exactly the problem and she hated it even if she cherished the fact that Y/n was her best friend and the other way around.
âItâsâItâs not that Chaewon, we still hang out like we used toââ This was her chance even if it would be selfish to say it now that the girl beside her had been seeing Y/n. It would either spark competition between them or make Chaewon step back.
It still came with the same risks, the ones that made her overthink and back down. âItâs just the stress getting to me with these games, aiming for nationals and hopefully getting scouted along the way.â Her hands gripped the material of her shorts, angry with herself once again for refusing to say what she wanted. She would only be able to blame herself once it would be too late.
âOkay, I was worried it mightâve been that. Iâm trying my best and hoping that she likes me enough so that I can ask her out to officially dateâŠYou think she would say yes?â
Chaewon was making it hard to stay collected once again and she managed to pull off a smile through the stinging in her chest.Â
âThereâs only one way to find out, Chaewon.â The girl beside her let out a breathless chuckle as she nodded while Yunjin felt stupid for saying those words to someone else, but yet she refused to listen to them herself.
âAlso.â She looked up at Chaewon who got up to stand in front of her.
âI loved being captain back in Austin, but I could never accept thisââ She watched her tear off the armband with the C on it before she held it out in front of Yunjin. âYouâre a great captain Yunjin, you deserve to have it more than me or anyone else on the team. I never wanted to put it on, especially not that wayâŠI will talk to the coach.âÂ
âThank you, Chaewon.â
If only she could curse Chaewon out for making everything so much harder as she accepted the captain's armband back.Â
Despite the small commotion on the field, they had won 1 - 0.Â
Chaewon couldnât help but feel like each day everything about this transfer felt better and brighter. She missed home, her old friends and everything else, but it all was being filled. It was a drastic change she thought would cause more damage than good however, she had been wrong.
After every game they won they found themselves at the beach and this time was no different. It served as a way for her to take time and reflect and see where she was now compared to when she was at the beach for the first time after just starting.
It felt less empty, there wasnât as much confusion, she felt that emptiness within her after leaving a part of herself behind slowly get filled; building a new part in its place. There was a new home being built in her, that fear of alienation disappearing and she now longed after the familiarity of the new people she had grown close to. They were the ones who made her feel at home.
Home is where the heart lies; Chaewon never left her heart back in Austin.
She was feeling quite at home, slowly finding a place to call home as she leaned back against her palms, Y/n leaning against her shoulder that was behind the cheer captain. It had taken less than a month to find a place to settle in and around two months to settle and let her heart pump warmth to keep her home warm. It made Chaewon smile at how naturally it was all falling into place.Â
The gentle crackling of the fireplace filled the air together with talk and laughter from the rest. The scent of the fire wasnât as overwhelming when Y/n rested her head on her shoulder, her arm resting over Chaewonâs leg and fingers drawing circles on her knee.Â
The cheerleader talked to the others while Chaewon rested her cheek against Y/nâs, letting the sweet scent and warmth in. It had become her new favourite one; it was the only one she knew just by entering a room right after the girl. It let her know that she would feel at home.Â
âThe starry sky suits you.â She mumbled, feeling the girl who was leaning against her chuckle.Â
âAre you trying to disgust Yeonjun?â Chaewon huffed at that and looked over at the guy who was already making a face at their closeness.Â
âHeâs the biggest anti-romantic on this planet.â Her eyes fell on Y/n who looked up at her with a teasing smile.
âSo youâre trying to be romantic?â
âIf itâs working, then yes.â She smiled as Y/n giggled and looked back at Jimin and Kazuha who called for her attention. Her heart raced with warmth as she watched Y/n continue to trace patterns along her knee while talking.Â
Chaewon knew that there was no need to wait any longer, there was a garden of feelings growing in her chest for Y/n and she needed to let them out before she would suffocate. She needed to tell Y/n how she felt before she could start hurting from suppressing it in her.
Yunjin found herself walking back towards her group of friends after trailing off and standing alone in the cold sand with the wind blowing through what felt like holes in her body. Those same holes were ones she filled with the love she had for Y/n, the same feelings she suppressed until she was choking on them.
It took her all these years to realise that the longer she refused to express her feelings towards the girl the more it would hurt, it would hurt whether or not anyone else was in the picture or not.Â
It was a punishment for keeping it inside her when she could have let her feelings grow because they were beautiful yet she suppressed them and let them cramp up inside her until it was burning her lungs.
Each time her throat closed up was because of something she felt but refused to say.
Love didnât have to be painful, it had all along been her choice to make it hurt.
Yunjin had been hurting herself.
Her eyes scanned her group of friends, her hands in her pockets as she poked her tongue at the wound on the side of her lip. She knew that the heavy beating she felt in her chest mixed with an acidic sting when her eyes landed on her best friend and Chaewon could turn into the former alone if she confessed her love.Â
Yunjin realised that even if she were to get rejected it wouldnât hurt as much to see Y/n with someone else after. She realised where the problem lay; it was suppressing her feelings that hurt and not fearing them.
The only cure to be able to breathe normally again was to let her feelings flow out through her mouth instead of cramping them inside her lungs. She knew despite everything there was only one choice.
Yunjin walked over to the two as there was only one spot left which was beside Y/n who was wearing the captainâs varsity jacket; two, Chaewonâs resting in the girlâs lap. The longer she stared at the campfire in front of her the hotter her eyes felt as the realisation was starting to lift weights off of her chest and she knew what she truly had to do.Â
It all opened up her cramped space for those feelings in her chest, growing like a floral garden, each petal, each flower being something she felt for Y/n. It was all the flowers she wanted to give to the girl and she knew that she would as she felt Y/nâs pinky intertwine with hers on the blanket.Â
Yunjin wasnât going to wait any longer as she glanced at Y/n, knowing that it was the girl she wanted to give all the flowers in the world to. All those flowers she had been dying from because of how much it all had grown in her chest without giving what she should have given to Y/n ages ago.
She was in love with her best friend and she was done with suppressing what was beautiful.
Remnants of adrenaline coursed through Yunjinâs body as they officially made it to the quarter-finals. Her heart continued to pound even after she had changed and she knew that it was more than just the high of qualifying. She had hurt enough because of love and she wanted to continue to love without the part where it hurt every time she didnât express herself.
It felt like time was ticking away, especially after seeing how much closer Chaewon was to the girl yet Yunjin couldnât help but feel like there was something between her and Y/n. That she hadnât been living in a make-believe world this whole time and that their skinny love was true and Yunjin would take the step to turn it into love.Â
The only thing she was losing was time she could have loved Y/n in more than silence.
âOkay, Iâm just gonna find my dad to get the keys to his car.â Yunjin looked over her shoulder as she pulled her varsity jacket out of her locker to see Chaewon sling her duffle bag over her shoulder. She gave Chaewon a terse smile when the girl sent her one first before averting her gaze.
âI will meet you at the parking lot after.âÂ
âI will try to make it on time.â The second striker chuckled at Yujinâs words who walked after her with crutches. Chaewon opened the door and held it for the injured girl before leaving in a hurry. The door fell closed after them, the rest of the team keeping up their chatter.
Yunjin slung the bag over her shoulder and held the jacket under her arm to give it to Y/n like she always did. This time she hoped she could give it without it being platonic. With that, she bid goodbye to whoever she wasnât going to see later and left the locker room.
She walked through the empty halls of the sports wing, hoping to bump into Y/n while she rummaged for her phone in the bag. Undoubtedly it felt like she was about to have a heart attack with how much it hurt when her heart started colliding with her ribcage, a faint lightheadedness clouding her as she did her best to take deep breaths.Â
This wasnât because she was afraid to express her feelings anymore, but because she was finally going to take the step to do something she had wanted for years. This was the excitement that was so similar to the fear that she almost mixed it up once again.
Yunjin couldnât waste more time, Y/n wasnât someone she wanted to make wait when she deserved every last drop of love Yunjin could give her.
The lack of a reply was making Yunjinâs nerves spike because she wanted to do it now and not wait a second longer. To get all these fears behind. Her fingers fidgeted with the jacket in her hands, glancing at her phone as she waited for a reply, aware that the girl often took longer in the changing room or wouldnât have her phone right at hand.Â
It wasnât the first time Yunjin waited for a reply, but this time felt like ages as she leaned against the wall not far from the entrance of the basketball court. It was making her jittery, shifting on her legs as it was hard to stand still with all those petals and flowers tickling her stomach and lungs; Yunjin would burst if she wouldnât let these things flow out for Y/n to hear at last.
Her phone screen lit up and she looked towards the entrance of the basketball court that burst open to see the cheerleader walk out with her eyes on the phone screen. Yunjin pushed herself up from the wall, her hands clutching onto the jacket to occupy her fingers and hold onto something to not back down once again.
âJen!â She smiled as Y/n looked up from the phone and caught her presence right away.Â
âCongratulations on qualifying, you guys did so well. You were perfect on the field.â Yunjin bit down on her lower lip at the words that were causing everything to overgrow in her chest. She could feel it pushing up by force this time, the garden didnât want to wait; it was too beautiful to keep cramped up inside her. She needed to let Y/n know how much she loved her.
How in love she was.
âThank you, we did our best, butââ The captain cleared her throat, feeling all those familiar feelings and pains she usually did because of how she suppressed her words. This time it came with reassurance to herself that she was going to do it.Â
She took a deep breath as Y/n tilted her head, a small frown of confusion and Yunjin felt it all wash over her, this time melting and letting herself get coaxed by Y/nâs beautiful eyes when the cheerleader grabbed hold of her hands. That reassuring warmth of Y/nâs touch she always felt and got from the girl reminded her of how it would be fine.
It was clear to Yunjin that her overwhelmed body and nervousness lingered in the air and that Y/n could sense it. This time she let herself get lost in the comfort, the solace and trust Y/n brought her.
âThereâs this thing I really want to tell you, Y/n.â She got a nod in response, thumbs brushing over her knuckles and she slid one hand out of Y/nâs grasp to nervously play with the pendant of her necklace.Â
Yunjin could feel her mind drift off and she was aware that it would be a blur until it was over as she cleared her throat once again to try and get rid of the scratching she felt because of her nerves.Â
âAnything, Jen.â
âThereâs so much that I want to tell you and have wanted to say probably since we started high school, and I have always hesitated for even more reasonsâŠâ Her eyes searched for something to look at yet all she could look at was Y/n who was right in front of her. That frown on her face slowly disappeared the more Yunjin managed to ramble and push out, hoping that somewhere between these lines the words âIâm in love with youâ would come out.Â
The pounding of her heart was muffling everything for her and it was warm. âI think that the biggest is the fact that youâre my best friend and I would never want to ruin that in any way.âÂ
She released yet another sigh and let her hand fall, clutching onto the side of her jeans. Yunjin couldnât remember if she had ever been this anxious, the heat was coursing up to her face and ears and there was a faint buzzing in her ears. This was Yunjin facing her biggest fears and she knew that once she did it she would feel ecstatic.Â
âItâs just thatâItâs really hard to keep it to myself and I managed to keep it for years now. But, I canât keep doing that because I always end upâŠhurting.â She inhaled once again, forgetting to breathe between her sentences. It was overwhelming with how much was on the line and she felt like crying because of the waves of emotions washing over her without a stop.Â
She was desperate to tell Y/n that she was in love and even more desperate for the girl to feel the same. The longer it took the more her voice quivered and she still fought to avoid these negative thoughts and doubts that tried to hit her like they always did.
Her mind was in too big of a daze to take her time and read Y/nâs expression, the girl was looking at her with those usual soft eyes, letting her know that it was fine. That was all Yunjin needed to know to continue talking.Â
It would be fine and Y/n would never hurt her.
âThereâs so much and I donât know what to start with or what exactly to say, but the thing Iâve always wanted to say the most, knowing that I can trust you as my best friend is that,â her last breath and it was right at the tip of her tongue.Â
Y/n was her best friend and she could always trust her with anything and it would never matter what it was. Yunjin knew that she could trust her with her feelings and heart and tell her those words.
âY/n, Iâm painfully inââ
âI found the keys. I dropped them under one of the benches.â
It made Yunjin flinch when the door to the basketball court flew open, her heart hammering so quickly it was making her nauseous and she felt like fainting. Her blurred vision cleared as it landed on Chaewon who walked out from the court. The hold on her hand disappeared as Y/n looked over her shoulder at the other soccer player who walked towards them.Â
Yunjinâs lips parted as did Y/nâs who was about to reply to Chaewon who walked up to them, fixing the duffle bag slung across her chest. Was she supposed to ask Chaewon to leave so she could continue?Â
She was right there, she had practically said those words and it was the closest she had ever been. Yunjin was about to grasp her dream, she was so close that she was touching it with the tips of her fingers.
Could she ask Chaewon who wrapped her arm around Y/nâs waist with an even bigger and giddier smile to leave? Yunjin did everything in her power to avoid looking at Y/n, being able to feel the girlâs gaze on her face. It finally settled in her head that Y/n was already wearing a jacket; Chaewonâs jacket.Â
âI got the courage and asked Y/n out, so weâre officially dating now.â It made Yunjin let out a breath as she nodded along to the information. She bit her lower lip, digging her teeth into it to prevent her eyes from getting wet. She was doing everything in her power to distract herself to not let herself shed tears.
Yunjin kept her composure during one of the worst moments of her life yet everything on the inside was suffocating her, it was growing around her heart. Yunjin could feel the thorns from the garden dig into the muscle making it bleed out and everything felt lifeless and heavy around her. So close, but her dream slipped right through her fingers.
There was one thing Yunjin couldnât forget though, not in this moment or any other moment because Y/n always came first. It didnât matter how much Yunjin was hurting, if she was being swallowed by pain, being torn apart from the inside with a lump in her throat that made it ache.
It didnât matter if she felt like crying, she could wait just like she had done all these years. The worst that could happen if she waited was that she would drown in misery, but she had grown used to it, hadnât she?
âThatâsâIâm happy for you two.â She would always remember to be happy for Y/n. Y/nâs happiness would forever be Yunjinâs happiness even if the cheerleader's happiness was making her nose prickle and her eyes sting, unable to breathe from the tight grip those thorny stems had on her heart, squeezing.
Her dream had always been to make Y/n happy and dreams meant sacrificing even if it was a piece of herself. There was nothing greater she could sacrifice for Y/n than her heart in the end.
Yunjin glanced over to Y/n at last, feeling pain shoot through her heart and she hugged the jacket closer to her to try and ease it. She looked away from Y/nâs face, those beautiful eyes holding nothing but concern now.Â
Yunjin decided that it would be best if she and hopefully Y/n forgot that she even started this conversation. It was the day her world crumbled into dust in the end and she didnât want to remember that.Â
She would rather remember it as the day Y/n found happiness in someone even if it wasnât Yunjin.
Yunjin wanted to remember how much she loved Y/n and not the moment her heart broke because she loved her.Â
âWeâre taking my dad's truck. Want a ride orâŠâ Her eyes nervously darted around as they fell on Chaewon who still had a smile on her face. She opened her mouth and searched for words all while feeling everything within her slowly go numb from pain the longer they stood in front of her.Â
âOh, Iâmâno, itâs fine, I have my car.â Her voice couldnât stop trembling and her gaze fell to the floor at last, unable to look Chaewon and especially not Y/n in the eye. It was all crashing down on her and she knew that she would break any second.
âOkay, see you there then, Yunjin.â She nodded her head and stepped aside, stopping by the wall as they walked past her.Â
Yunjin bit her lower lip as her breathing picked up and the prickling in her nose was painful enough for the tears to fall at last. The bag on her shoulder slid down and she let it fall to the floor as she leaned against the wall to try and ground herself. She snivelled and wiped at her eyes with the jacket she planned to give to Y/n and her gaze still fell on them as she hugged it closer for comfort because she couldnât go to Y/n with this anguish.
She watched her friend and best friend walk away, taking a turn and Y/nâs worried eyes met hers for a split second when the girl looked over her shoulder before disappearing.Â
There was no holding back as she slid down the wall and pulled her knees to her chest, burying her face into the jacket while hugging them to seek some type of solace and salvation for the pain. Her tears hot tears spilled onto the jacket that she had saved for Y/n, but would now only serve to soak up tears.
If only she had found Yn first. She had because she had found Y/n years ago, but Chaewon was the one to finish first. Yunjin had been stalling all these years and when she finally decided that she was going to get Yn, someone swept the girl away right before her eyes. She had loved Y/n for all those years and now she would have to live with the regret of not telling her right from the start.Â
She could silently brew resentment towards Chaewon for sweeping the person she had built dreams around right from under her feet.
Or maybe she should be thankful to Chaewon for saving her from possibly losing her best friend. One she would never be able to replace if her confession went wrong or even if it went right. She was sure that her best friend would stay no matter what because she could trust Y/n. Yet she tried to convince herself that she couldnât know that and that it had been reasonable to hold back.Â
She knew that it hadnât been, she just wanted to ease the way her heart was beingtormented.Â
The worst part wasnât that she was too late though, but that she would never get to know if Y/n felt the same. If all those gestures were friendly or if they held a deeper meaning like Yunjinâs did. The worst part was that Yunjin would never get to know if they could ever have been more than best friends.
It was all Yunjinâs fault.
masterlist
a/n note; hi if you made it to the end :) thank you for reading/reblogging/leaving a note and appreciating my work. it means so much and motivates me further as i always try my best, hoping you peeps liked it. love you and can't wait to post more for yall <3
Tongue tied completely shattered međ my heart literally dropped at the end. Your writing is so amazing but I donât think I can ever recoverđ
IM SORRY but it had to be doneđđ i will have to compensate with some fluff soon đ€§please these anons are making my day better, hearing that my work is amazing is such a boost and i cant wait to post more for yall <33
yoooo tongue tied was honestly so perfect aND HEART WRENCHINGGGG my breath hitched so many times cus of yunjin đ i knoe that feeling tooooo well. such an amazing work frrr
thank you and im so glad you enjoyed it, especially since it took so long to write and perfect đđđ„° i tried my best for yall <33
genre; fluff (a lot of it), angst, high school au, sfw
pairing; chaewon x female reader x yunjin
content; a lot of pining, mentions of injuries, soccer and cheer-leading but there's no need for any knowledge of the sports, mentions of insecurities and anxiety, idk there's nothing more to warn about; it's sfw
synopsis; it's the last year of high school, the girls' soccer team is on a roll and the cheer team wins yet another elite competition. it seems as if things cannot get any better for the girls, however, love is never easy, especially when the captain of the soccer team, huh yunjin, is in love with her best friend who she is too afraid to lose to make a move on. that is until her new team/schoolmate, kim chaewon, shows interest in the cheerleader and sometimes all that's needed is a final push to take a leap of faith before itâs too late.
wc; 25.9k+ words (the plan was to make it much shorter...sorry)
songs; bad habit - steve lacy , ditto - newjeans , things i'll never say - avril lavigne , to love - suki waterhouse , what would i do? - strawberry guy
masterlist
âAnd lastlyâŠâ The girl trailed off as they took the last few steps between the high bleachers, the sun momentarily blinding them as the big field that was filled came into view. The voices echoed through the space with shouts, cheers and whistles being blown. âThis is the field where we hold pep rallies, events, games, practice et cetera.â She explained, gesturing towards the green grass that didnât look real from the strong colour it carried, shining as it looked watered.Â
Chaewonâs eyes scanned the bleachers behind her where a couple of students were sitting, looking around and over the green field. Jiminâthe girl who showed her around school this morningâpointed towards the girls who were in white shorts and light blue jerseys.Â
âThere is the girls' soccer team, we have a boys' team too. Both play in the state championship this year to try and get into nationals again,â she continued to explain. âWe have basketball, swimming, water polo, table tennis, trackââ Her gaze shifted where Jimin pointed towards the other side of the field.Â
âAnd a cheerleading team as you can see, however, they are a level seven team that competes on an elite level.â Chaewon felt herself flinch at the three girls who were flung into the air, making her squint her eyes to see better as the sun was blinding her. She had seen cheerleading before at her previous school, but not as advanced as this team looked.Â
âWhat was that?â She asked as the three girls fell back down, being caught by the guys who were their bases.Â
âUhm, kick-kick double basket,â Jimin replied seemingly having the stuff memorised.Â
âAnd whoâs that?â Chaewon continued to ask, subtly pointing with her head towards the girl in the middle with a single base under her this time, doing a heel stretch.Â
âThatâs Y/n, the captain, a talented flyer and tumbler, just generally good at cheerleading.â
âOh wow.â Jimin hummed at Chaewon who continued to watch the cheerleading team, fully enthralled by what was going on.Â
After a good minute of the two girls looking at the team doing baskets and other stunts, Jimin spoke up, realising that she still had to help the new girl out a little bit more before getting to watch her friendsâ morning practice.Â
âSo, are you interested in any of the teams? Have you done anything? Swimming? Table tennis? Track?â She questioned.
Chaewon took one last glance at the girls and guys from the cheer team before she walked with Jimin. Her eyes fell on the soccer team that was in the middle of a practice game against each other.Â
âI was part of the soccer team.â The shorter girl mentioned as they walked along the empty track field, hands in the pockets of her jeans to occupy them with something. Her eyes followed the ball that was passed around, the callouts of the girls being incoherent to her ears from far away.Â
âAny good?âÂ
Chaewon hummed, nodding her head as she looked away from the field and at Jimin. She took pride in her soccer skills as she had played for as long as she had walked. âCaptain and starting striker.â It was enough to shine through her little shell whenever soccer was mentioned and she could go on for days talking about it and how much she loves playing.Â
âWell, Iâm not sure if you will make it into the starting lineup now that the season has started, but I can talk to Yunjin.âÂ
It was unfortunate that her family had to suddenly move to another city a month into her senior year. It was unexpected, but Chaewon couldnât argue about it and so her fate brought her here. She had to settle in and try to fit in too which usually wasnât a problem, however, this was the last year of high school and people were bound to already have their close friends.Â
âYunjin?â Her head tilted at the name and Jimin nodded her head as she proceeded to explain.Â
âThe captain and current starting striker. She will talk to you and the coach.â
âOh.â She gave a curt nod, knowing already that to have the spot she used to have on her old team she would have to work for it in the new environment. Chaewon was sure of her skills in the end even if the season had already started, she couldnât stay benched for all of it.Â
âThatâs her,â Jimin said as the whistle blew, pointing towards the girl who ran across the field and away from the rest of the team.Â
âEw, ew, ew, ew.âÂ
âEw?â Yunjin confusedly questioned, her eyebrows furrowing, but her grip on the petite girl stayed as she had her arms wrapped around her from behind.Â
âYouâre all sweaty, Jen.â Y/n cried out, trying to squirm out of the girl's hold.Â
Yunjin huffed and let go of Y/n, the shorter girl turned on her heels and gave her a small shove against her chest to have her step back. The ginger grumbled and pulled up the hem of her jersey to wipe away any remaining sweat on her face after practice. The second the whistle blew and she was dismissed she grabbed her stuff and ran over to the cheer team.Â
âStop flexing your tummy for everyone.â Yunjin groaned as her stomach was smacked and she let go of her shirt. Her eyes back on the cheerleader who cringed as the captain's stomach was just as sweaty. The ginger clicked her tongue and grabbed Y/nâs hand to wipe it with her shirt.Â
âGod, youâre so dramatic.â She commented, her eyes stuck on Y/nâs face as the girl smiled at her, it was enough to make the corners of Yunjinâs lips lift too. It was as if she was struck by something from nowhere, everything inside her stomach started to shift and she felt giddy. It was her source of energy because it would always surge through her whenever she looked at Y/n; she considered the girl her lucky charm.Â
Her eyes crinkled at how good it felt; her best friend was the best feeling in the world.Â
âDonât you just love it when I am?â Y/n questioned with an eloquent grin as she knew the answer.
Yunjin could feel her face heat up with her own words as Y/n picked up her gym bag after pulling away from the taller girl. âI tend to love everything about your annoying self.â She commented, her heart picking up like it always did when she said these things to Y/n. It made her nervous and Y/nâs replies only made her more flustered and she found herself digging through all the signs to understand if it was what she hoped it was.Â
âYouâre my favourite person,â hearing that from Y/n always brightened not only her day but her soul which could at times fall into a gloom of insecurities.Â
Yunjin was the captain of the soccer team and had been for the past three years which resulted in a lot of faith being put on her, trusting her sportsmanship and leadership, especially during soccer season. The team, the school, the coach, her friends and family, and people on the bleachers all counted on the team and it was her job to make sure they worked as a team. Any errors always gnawed at her and made her doubt her skill as a captain.
She knew that she wasnât the only one who was under a lot of pressure, the girl who clung to her arm as they waited for the rest of their friends was under just as much pressure. All her friends were, but she could only find solace in one person and one person only: Y/n. Yunjin could open up about anything to her, tell her everythingâalmost everythingâbecause she knew that Y/n would be there for her as she had been there since middle school, sixth grade.Â
Along the way that trust and adoration seemed to evolve into more, but how couldnât it? Y/n was everything Yunjin dreamed of and she had never dreamed of more than soccer. It wasnât like she had a picture of a dream partner or life before, but after she met Y/n and with years that went by and when high school started, she understood what it meant for a dream to get built around a person. Her dream was soccer and she built it around Y/n as each choice she made involved thoughts of her best friend.
When high school started she realised what it meant to build her dreams around a person. It meant to be in love.
âWhoâs that with Jimin?â Y/n diverted the conversation she was having with Yunjin, placing her chin on the taller girlâs shoulder as she stood on her toes, arms wrapped around the gingerâs waist. It felt warm, but not the kind of warm Yunjin felt from the sun and running around on the field; it was the type that brewed on the inside like a fireplace that warmed up a home.
She hummed and her eyes searched the field until they landed on Jimin walking along the running track with a girl she hadnât seen before. âI donât knowâŠâ She trailed off, her eyes squinted the slightest to try to see if she maybe did recognise the girl, but she didnât. Yunjin squirmed at the ticklish feeling when Y/n blew air against her ear, the girl giggling as she let go of the ginger who turned.Â
Before she could utter a single word, Y/n grabbed her hand and tugged it so she would walk with her. âZuhaââ She called for the cheerleader who was packing up the last of her stuff before turning to the two. Y/n received a hum from her friend as Yunjin let herself be dragged after her. âDid you hear anything about the girl Jimin is with?â The shorter girl questioned, gesturing with her head towards the girl in question.
âNope, I donât remember her mentioning anything.â Kazuha, one of the tumblers on the team, replied as she walked over to the two. All three turned back around and looked at the two.Â
âThatâs the new girl.â Their attention was torn away from the two as they looked at the guy who was one of the bases, Yeonjun.Â
âThereâs someone new starting?â Yunjin questioned, confused by the guyâs words. She frowned, her thumb smoothing over Y/nâs knuckles as she tried to figure out why someone would change schools in their senior year. Not to mention, school started a month ago.Â
âWell, sheâs not here to just look at the school.â Yunjin rolled her eyes at the guyâs mordant remark as it was obvious.Â
âWeâre going to be late for bio,â Yujin exhaled after she ran across the field with her soccer gear to them.
Yunjin looked at the time on her phone as she leaned against the wall outside the locker rooms after getting changed. âYouâre not coming?â Yujin questioned as she walked out of the girlsâ soccer team's locker, fixing the bag on her shoulder.
âI will be thereââ She was cut off as the girl waved her off, passing by her.
âYeah, you want to walk with Y/n, donât be too late.â She dismissed and Yunjin rolled her eyes at the second striker who walked away.Â
The girl wasnât one to break her routines, not the ones with Y/n at least. All classes started in around eight minutes and Y/nâs physics class was right on the way to bio. Yunjin picked at her nails as she waited for the girl, thinking of her day as she tried to plan what she would do after school. It all consisted of soccer and Y/n as she either would practise by staying behind at school or would leave with Y/n to spend time.
She sighed as she hated the way time always went by so slowly without the cheerleader, but Yunjin couldnât help but also hate how fast it went by with Y/n there. It was almost as if it wasnât enough, 24 hours of the day werenât enough for her with the girl and she had a feeling it would never be.Â
The thoughts of the girl raced in her head, making her heart race too as they always ended with her trying to think of ways to let Y/n know. How it would be if she spilled what more laid behind her as she loved Y/n more than a best friend. How it would be once Y/n would hear these words that ran deeper than adoration and how good it would feel when she would hear those same things leave Y/nâs lips. It made her smile as she continued to pick at her fingers and she tried to contain it to not look stupid, but she was a fool for her best friend and Yunjin didnât mind it one bit.
However, her stomach would always turn inside out at the thought of the opposite happening if she told Y/n the truth about what coursed through her veins when she was with her. The thoughts of rejection, loss, longing, and dreams being shattered. Yunjin couldnât afford the loss of someone alive because it would be too painful, and Y/n would be too painful to lose.Â
Then came the thoughts of rejection, but not losing her best friend either way because she knew Y/n better than that. The girl wouldnât leave her simply because Yunjin was in love with her, but there was a possibility that she wouldnât return the feelings. Those thoughts seemed to tie the biggest knots around her heart; the thoughts of Y/n not feeling the same, to begin with even if she wouldnât put distance between them after.
Yunjin was stuck on the belief that Y/n was in love with her whether that was true or not, it didnât matter. It was what made her heart content; thinking about silently being in love with each other and not taking the stepâthe silent agreement of loving and not finding anyone else even if they didnât take the step to be more than silent lovers.Â
Of course, Yunjin dreamed of more, but she could settle on skinny love as long as it was Y/n.
Those giggles, smiles, eyes, Y/nâs voice, words, lips, the girlâs heart and soul; it was all more than enough for her in a silent agreement of loving each other but never confessing it out loud.
She was too scared to say those words out loud because, at the back of her head, she knew that there was a possibility that maybe she was wrong about it all. The thought alone was enough to keep her words at bay to not have to face the possible reality of being the only one.
âYouâre looking all cute again.â Yunjin looked up, scrunching up her nose to rid herself of the smile that had stitched itself on her face while she waited. Y/n smiled and grabbed the girl by the hem of her hoodie, tugging at it and making the taller girl walk with her.Â
âI like your jacket,â the ginger complimented as she had on the school varsity jacket that held Yunjinâs name and number, being oversized on Y/nâs petite body.
âItâs from my favourite closet.â The smile came right back onto Yunjinâs lips as she looked over Y/n who was in her jacket. The cheerleader walked closer to Yunjin and grabbed hold of her arm, wrapping it around her shoulders as they walked through the hallway to head for their lockers and then to class.
âDo you have any plans after school?âÂ
âYou didnât ask me to hang out yet so no.â Yunjin chuckled at Y/nâs words, giving the girl a light shove as they approached the girlâs class.Â
âI will wait by my car after classes end.â She settled.
âYeah, I will see you at lunchâŠYouâre going to be late.â Y/n showed her lock screen to Yunjin, her eyes first landing on the wallpaper that was her during one of their late-night Facetime calls before seeing that class started in four minutes.Â
âI donât care,â the captain tried to stay nonchalant about it, wishing to spend at least a few more minutes or at least seconds with the girl. She knew that the next time she looked at the clock four minutes would already have passed because it didnât wait around when they were with each other. Yunjin needed some more time to prepare for the next two classes without Y/n who would feel like they dragged on for ages even if she had their other friends to keep company.
âYou do,â she watched as Y/n turned on her heels as they stood outside the open door to the classroom. The girl pressed it as Yunjin tried to keep her attendance in check because bad attendance and grades meant no soccer.Â
âI really donât.â
âI can bet that the second I walk inside I will hear you run.â Y/n teased and Yunjin looked away at that, licking her lips.
âNo, I wonât, but you should head inside since class starts soon.âÂ
âOr I should head inside so you can hurry and not be late?â The ginger looked back at Y/n who was looking up at her with a wide smile, tongue poking at her canine before she bit her lower lip. It made Yunjin take in a breath as she felt her heart tumble down onto the floor for Y/n again as she couldnât help but fall every time; waiting for Y/n to pick it up and carry it the way she would carry the girlâs.Â
Oh, how proudly she would carry Y/nâs heart if she had it; Yunjin would take care of it as if her life depended on it because it did. Her happiness depended on Y/nâs happiness.Â
âNo, I donât care about being late.âÂ
âSure, Jen,â Y/n giggled and wrapped her free hand around Yunjinâs waist to hug her before they parted ways. The captain without question returned the hug as her arm draped around Y/nâs shoulders. That sweet flowery scent invaded her and she loved it; the most when the cheerleader left it to linger in her bedroom after they hung out. It brought her the same type of comfort that her home did, Y/n was her home.Â
âI will see you at lunch.â The shorter girl hummed and tilted her head to look up at Yunjin while pulling away to leave a kiss on the girl's warm cheek before giving her a small push so she would let go.Â
âYouâre about to be late for real,â Y/n commented while Yunjin watched the girl walk inside, her eyes widening and bringing her out of the daydream that Y/n was before bolting through the hallway.Â
Chaewon had never been one to silently sit alone and away from everyone in a classroom, but she couldnât help but feel intimidated. She wasnât one to approach either because of her shy nature. All those friends she had made as a kid were back in her hometown. It felt different now that she was in 12th grade compared to middle school or lower. It didnât feel as easy to approach someone.Â
Slowly she was coming to terms that she would possibly spend her senior year alone at the back of the class. It was her pessimistic and despair-filled side talking as it appeared stronger ever since she was told that they were moving to a new city.Â
Her last hope was the soccer team, but even that felt like a far reach as the friendships maybe wouldnât go outside the field. Everyone already had their friends and she now felt like an outcast for being new so late into high school.
It wasnât fair and she hated it.Â
She picked at her nails, staring down at them while trying to bury the nerves and anxiety of a new place. The sound of new laughter made her look up as the classroom was loud the whole time and the teacher had yet to arrive. Her eyes landed at the entrance of the classroom, she caught a glimpse of that orange hair she had seen on the field earlier as the soccer captain was hugging the cheer captain.Â
She found herself staring, eyes glued to the cheerleader who stepped inside the class with a smile. Chaewon shivered, assuming it was from the cold table under her bare forearms as she pursed her lips, fighting the urge to let a small smile form on her lips. Y/n was too pretty and her smile didnât look like it should be ignored without smiling back, but then again, Chaewon was invincible and would stay invincible until the end of the year.
Y/n wasnât looking her way, she was talking to a few girls at the front.
It wasnât like Chaewon knew the girl, but it already made her think about how much she would possibly miss out on if she didnât get the courage to talk to someone. Maybe not the cheer captain right away, but anyone. It would be sombre to be alone during the whole senior year.
The bell rang and she watched as everyone proceeded to take seats in the chairs that were still empty while the teacher entered. It made her wince at how the chairs screeched along the floors, the chatter turning into hushed whispers as the man at the front put his stuff down.Â
âLooks like your seat is at the back today, Y/n, maybe we will go through a class without talking since itâs next to Kim Chaewon, our new student.â His words were followed by small giggles and Y/n who clicked her tongue.Â
Chaewon felt herself get breathless at the panic she felt of people suddenly noticing her after being a ghost at the back. She had no clue what to do so she avoided gazes that were on her all while suddenly feeling too warm in her clothes.
She could feel that her face was red. Or maybe it wasnât? Now she was panicking over whether she looked anxious or not. Her heart rate increased, pounding against her ribcage so harshly it made her feel weak. Was she going to have a panic attack in front of everyone on her first day? It was starting to muffle her ears and her fists clenched as they were clammy now.Â
Chaewonâs wide eyes gazed around the classroom as the girl sat down beside you, the scent of sweet flowers managed to cloud her, pulling her away from the anxiety and grounding her. The class went almost completely silent, the hushed whispers even more faint now as the teacher started to talk. She tried to calm herself down before it got worse.
âWhere did you transfer from?â Heat ran across Chaewonâs back when the girl beside her spoke up after a few minutes of the lecture, everyone too engulfed to take notice of them at the back.Â
She parted her lips, suddenly not remembering where she grew up before she managed to push an answer from her throat with a slight quiver. âAustin, Texas.â Chaewon cleared her throat and swallowed, subtly glancing over at the girl beside her who was looking at the front. It sounded stale and she was afraid that she ruined her only chance to make friends.
âThatâs farââ It was, it truly was far as she now lived in Long Island, New York. She looked to the side, her eyes meeting Y/nâs and she held her breath for a second as she hadnât expected the girl to be looking back at her, not with those intense eyes. Chaewon couldnât hold eye contact, her gaze faltering onto the table. âI assume that it kind of sucks to move, especially in your last year.âÂ
âItâsâYeah, it does suck.â She couldnât help but admit to how much it sucked. It felt alienating and a big part of her was still pessimistic about this change and another still held some resentment towards her parents even if it wasnât their fault that her mother got transferred to the new job.Â
Y/n hummed at that, the girl unable to stop casting glances at the cheerleader, constantly picking up on her features with each glance cast at her. Her nerves eased, but new ones appeared as she was sitting beside a pretty girl who was talking to her with such ease it felt like they already knew each other.Â
There was a flow as Y/n continued to ask questions about her throughout the lessonâChaewon realised what the teacher meant at the start, but she didnât mind because suddenly all those doubts about her senior year disappeared.
Before she could take in a word the teacher said the class was over and her most dreaded day was slowly becoming one that wasnât dragging along, but flying by.Â
âOkay, what does your schedule look like?â Y/n asked as everyone was gathering their stuff, the two girls taking their time and staying behind. Chaewon showed her phone to the girl where she had her schedule.
âWe have physics, maths and P.E. together, you also have classes with some of my other friendsâmaths now and lunch after soâŠâ Y/n trailed off and the girl got her phone handed back. Chaewonâs momentary confusion dissipated and she got the memo, grabbing her stuff to walk with the girl.Â
âI forgot to ask about her number and now she might as well be lost somewhere at school. I was supposed to introduce you two.â Jimin explained and Yunjin did her best to listen and indulge in the conversation after the new girl was brought up, but she was too busy waiting for Y/n to finally arrive at the canteen.Â
âWhereâs Y/n?â She asked as the new girl hadnât managed to pique her interest.
âAre you listening?â Jimin questioned.
âWhat does the new girl have to do with anything?â The ginger questioned, poking at the food with her fork. She had yet to meet her and she hadnât listened to what Jimin was saying at all.Â
âYouâre the soccer captain.â
âYeah,â she confirmed, looking up at Jimin with a frown.
âItâs like talking to a wall.â
âTell me about it,â Yujin commented, earning laughter from the other two at the table.Â
âYou donât think you could fix her a spot on the team?â This time Yunjin was listening and her frown deepened for a second.Â
âThe season already started and weâre a full team,â it felt like a risk to take someone new onto the team when they had been playing together for months now, some even years.Â
âShe said she was captain and starting striker in her previous school.â The girl beside her replied with a shrug.
âIââ The ginger didnât get to reply as she got distracted by the three girls that were heading their way. There were just certain auras that drew people to them, Y/n and Kazuha were two people with that kind of aura, or maybe it was just Y/n since that was who Yunjin always found herself drawn to.
âLooks like sheâs not lost at all,â Yeonjun commented, right beside Y/n was the new girl and Yunjin knew just how easy-going her best friend was. Anyone was able to be comfortable around her, all it took was a few words from Y/n and the person was lost, anticipating what she would say next. Yunjin knew that and she loved that.
Chaewon looked over at the four people at the table, that nervousness clouded her again as she had just been able to slowly crawl out of her shy shell around Y/n and somewhat with Kazuha. The eyes on her made her want to retract right back inside her shell of comfort and security.Â
She almost flinched at the hand that brushed over her before it grabbed gently hold of her wrist. The talking between all of them was still being processed as the girl was too busy looking around to avoid making eye contact first. She pursed her lips and held her breath at the nerves as the cheer captain pulled her over to the table.Â
âAnd this is YunjinâŠâ The cheer captain introduced everyone at the table, quickly making them acquainted.Â
For the first few minutes, Chaewon knew that she was mostly sitting in silence, unsure of what to say, however, she was more than thankful for Y/n who included her and worked as a mediator, especially between the two other girlsâYunjin and Yujinâwho played soccer. At the back of her mind, Chaewon knew that she was enthralled by Y/n, feeling like she wouldnât feel as welcomed and at ease if it hadnât been for the girl. The girl was her only safe space in the huge school at the moment.
She quickly came to the realisation that she had been worrying too much and that maybe her senior year wouldnât be too bad as she got along with both Yunjin and Yujin.Â
âWhat do you think about Chaewon?â Yunjin hummed at the question, her eyes trained on the screen of her phone that she was playing on. Y/nâs fingers continued to comb through her hair, making occasional small braids as she rested her head in the girlâs lap, lying in Yunjinâs bed.
There wasnât much to think about, Yunjin was still getting to know the girl, but from today alone she had an answer that was good enough.Â
âSheâs cool, I donât know what I was expecting, but yeah, sheâs chill.â
âYou two seemed to get along with all your soccer talk.â
She glanced up at Y/n through her lashes, rolling her eyes at the teasing smile that rested on the girlâs pretty lips. Yunjin bit her lower lip for a second and looked back at her phone screen to finish up as she continued to talk,
âWhatever, itâs one of the things we have in common so far.â
âNo matter how cool you think soccer makes you, youâre such a nerd about it.âÂ
âHey!â The ginger complained, turning her phone off and putting it on her nightstand as she sat up, turning to face Y/n who was leaning against the headboard.Â
âBut in a good way, I love seeing that it makes you happy and keeps you passionate,â she watched the smile grow bigger on Y/nâs lips as the girl grabbed hold of the strings of her hoodie and tugged her closer.Â
Soccer did keep Yunjin passionate, but her best friend was yet another thing that kept her passionate; their friendship and Y/n were something she was utterly passionate about.Â
âI have the best support system known to man, consisting of my family, friends and most importantly you.â She told the truth and nothing else to her best friend, grabbing Y/nâs hands that were holding onto the strings of her hoodie, cupping them in hers and warming Y/nâs colder hands.Â
The cheer captain hummed at that. âDitto.âÂ
âSoâŠWhat do you think about Chaewon? You seemed to get along.â Yunjin questioned, dropping her gaze onto their hands as Y/n was playing with her fingers, intertwining them and pressing their palms together as they sat facing each other. That smile was one the ginger couldnât even fight, Y/nâs touch was soothing and spread a warmth through her that reminded her of home.
âSheâs cute.â
One thing Yunjin hated was that she had grown so attached and used to Y/n and her being this one force of a silent agreement that these unelaborated comments made her stomach drop. The ginger knew that she shouldnât be so sensitive, but each day she woke up with a fear that maybe the silent agreement was one-sided.Â
Each night she went to bed and woke up afraid that things would be different. What if someone took her place? Not as a best friend because she knew that was set in stone, but in this fantasy she hoped was true.
Yunjin pushed through it though as she knew better and knew how wrong it was to feel this way. âCute?â She curiously asked, waiting for Y/n to elaborate, hoping Y/n didnât find Chaewon cuter than her. Was âcuteâ enough for Y/n to drop the silent agreement? The one Yunjin hoped was real.
âWith how shy she is.â
She looked up at Y/n and nodded her head in understanding, familiar with Chaewonâs shy nature after today.
âYouâre not gonna replace me, are you?â
âOh my God, Yunjin.âÂ
âYunjin!?â The ginger let out in panic as her hands were dropped by Y/n who raised her eyebrows, giving her a once over with a judging look.
âYes, Huh Yunjin,â Y/n confirmed with a click of her tongue, never calling her Yunjin because she had always been Jen to her.Â
âStop it.â She complained, loving how Jen was the only thing Y/n called her and everyone else would call her Yunjin. It was like Y/n was the only one aware of her other name even if it wasnât true. Everyone just silently agreed that Jen was reserved for Y/n.
âWhy on earth would you ever even say that.âÂ
âIâm just making sure,â she whined back at Y/n, but she knew that she didnât have to, it was a joke because she knew that she would never be replaced as the girlâs best friend. That was why it was the least of her worries.
âIâm hurtâlike actually hurt that you even have to make sureââ Her lips parted as Y/n was about to get up from the bed, Yunjin earning a huff of disbelief from the girl. âI think Iâm gonna cry.â
âNow youâre being dramatic, come here.âÂ
âNo!â Yunjin laughed when Y/n yelped as she wrapped her arms around the girlâs waist after she had stood up from the bed. She pulled her back down, Y/n landing on top of her with her back, trying to wiggle out of Yunjinâs grip who continued to giggle at the poor attempts.Â
âI love you and know that you would never replace me in any way possible. You and I are forever like we promised in sixth grade.â She mumbled as Y/n heaved a sigh, the striker felt the girl give up and relax in her hold. Yunjin took the chance to bury her nose in Y/nâs hair as the girl rested her head on her shoulder, staring up at the white ceiling as a moment of silence fell between them.
âYunjinâŠâÂ
âMm?â Yunjin pulled back and lifted her head only to flinch when Y/n turned around and flicked her forehead. âOwââ
âDonât joke like that again, I donât want to think about it âcause it hurts to think about it.â
She pouted at those words as she sat up with Y/n sitting beside her, âIâm sorry.âÂ
âDonât be, I know some people canât help the fact that they are stupid.â Y/n dismissed with a smile as she looked over her shoulder at Yunjin.
âYeah, youâre walking tomorrow,âÂ
âWho says Iâm staying the night?â
âMe and I still pick you up even when you stay at home, now sleep.â The ginger demanded, pulling Y/n back down and reaching over for the bedside lamp.
âBut Iââ She shushed the girl, pushing her head back down on the pillow as the lights went out and she pulled the duvet over them.
âGoodnight, Y/n.â The girl beside her heaved a sigh and moved, Yunjin offering her arm as per usual, letting Y/n rest her head on her shoulder and hug her waist, knowing she couldnât sleep without hugging something or someone.Â
âGoodnight, Jen,â Yunjin smiled at the name and hummed, the fear of being replaced when she woke up less present as the girl she loved fell asleep in her arms. Â
Chaewon realised that she had been too pessimistic, but the good thing was that she could change her views under the right circumstances where changing her perception would come in handy. Throughout the week she felt less and less dread for school when she went to bed and then woke up after being lucky enough to be found by Y/n on her first day. She felt welcomed and instantly accepted by the group without any tension.Â
Tuesday came and she felt her purpose start to sparkle again as she was accepted onto the soccer team even if it wasnât in the starting lineup that was already set in stone when the season started.Â
For a second when practice ended and they had played a practice game where she was put as a striker and on the opposite team as the captain, Huh Yunjin, she thought that the girl would be a rival; a competition to beat and replace on the field.Â
The view was also changed quickly; Chaewon saw no need to strive for her old spot as a captain, however, she did find the need to be in the starting lineup and hoped it would come to her soon even if it wouldnât be as a main striker.
Yunjin became someone she saw as a person who she could get the most out of when they played together as days passed through the week and they played alongside each other. Outside the field, they were becoming good friends and she could say it about the rest too.Â
Days passed quicker than she had expected after dreading moving to a new place.Â
So before she knew it; it was Saturday and Chaewon found herself at a convention centre for a local yet huge cheerleading tournament. She had never been to one, so naturally, she wanted to stick to the group of people she came with; Yunjin, Jimin and Yujin.
They had arrived an hour before it was the team's turn because the competition lasted a whole eight hours and there were still three hours left after the good four-minute performance that was in 30 minutes. Chaewon knew very little about everything, but the other three girls filled her right in, especially Yunjin who had a hard time being quiet about it.Â
âI still need to give Y/n her bow, Chaewon and I can go while you two get to the seats.â Chaewon didnât get a word in as they were walking through the crowded centre, her arm sleeve was grabbed and she was pulled aside by Yunjin.Â
âCould you hold it for a second?â She hummed, taking the bow from Yunjin who started to look for her phone. Chaewon looked over the dark blue and white bow with gemstones, glancing between the captain and the way before her to not walk into anyone.Â
âWhere are you and Y/n?âÂ
Yunjin stopped in her tracks as she tried to hear what Kazuha was saying over the noise in the background as Y/n wasnât answering her phone.Â
âI kind of lost Y/n somewhere and she doesnât have her phone.âÂ
âWhat? Where are you then?â
âI just got to the main entrance.â Yunjin groaned and turned on her heels as she started to walk her way back to the main entrance. âHow do you lose her?â
âIâm not the one who lost her, Y/n always gets distracted and loses us, plus I canât see her in this crowd, sheâs too short.â Yunjin snorted at that, she knew her best friend like the back of her palm and how she could see something and walk off from everyone else without a word. The 5â3 flyer was good at getting lost.Â
âI can see youâyour hair.â The ginger's eyes started to search as she was approaching the main entrance.Â
Chaewon stopped in her tracks as the captain she had glanced at a good minute ago was no longer beside her. She kind of sensed that it couldnât be too good; she had the cheer captain's bow.Â
Her eyes searched through the crowd of people, but her height did no justice. The next best thing that came to mind was to stand still and hope that they would run into her while she tried to get her phone out of her pocket.Â
Just as she fumbled out her phone, her head snapped up, âChaewon!â A smile unknowingly tugged on her lips as she saw Y/n quickly running over to her. The girl in the cheer uniform made her stomach nervously flutter ever since she first talked to her and that usually was the case with pretty girls. However, that feeling passed after a few hours of talking, but that little flutter was slowly developing into a crush instead of disappearing and Chaewon was fully aware of it.Â
She did feel guilty about it though; Yunjin and Y/n were in a relationship or dating, one of those. The girl didnât know which, but either way she didnât want to get in the way. Well, she hadnât asked, but she was quite sure because everyone was close in the friend group, but the two seemed to be more than just friends. From Chaewonâs point of view at least.Â
âI lost Zuha, I donât have my phone and Jen has my bowââ The girl went on talking as she grabbed hold of Chaewonâs hand and pulled her to the side, away from the walking crowd. She bit on her lower lip to get rid of the smile she became painfully aware of. âWhereâs Jen?âÂ
âUhmâI lost her, but I have the bow.âÂ
Y/n turned around and Chaewon showed her the bow in her hand, making the distress on Y/nâs face wash away, being replaced by a smile. This time the smile was directed solely towards Chaewon and it made her chest fill up like an air balloon with how much warmth spread through her, all running up to her cheeks.Â
âYouâre my saviour todayââ The girl was about to reach for it but stopped, âcould you help me put it on, I donât have a mirror and will mess it up.âÂ
Chaewon wanted to argue that the girl could do it once she was back with her team or have Kazuha or Yunjin help her simply because her hands were trembling and she was scared she would mess it up. The last thing she wanted was to get even more awkward even if it was only coming from her side.Â
However, she knew that she didnât have the heart to deny the girl nor did Y/n have the time to wait around as the performance started soon.
The girl hummed with a nod and sucked on her lower lip as Y/n stepped closer to her, tilting her head down. Chaewon was probably an inch and a half taller, managing to reach just fine.
âYou know how to do it, right?â The question made her look down at Y/n as she reached for the already-done ponytail. This was probably the closest she had been to the girl and it was making her even more nervous, especially when Y/n looked up at her through her lashes.Â
She gave a short hum and nod of affirmationâagainâthe girl in front of her let out a breathless chuckle. Chaewon did her best to keep her attention on Y/nâs hair as she pulled the ponytail through the tie, making sure the bow stayed in place the whole time.
âHow are you feeling about the game on Friday?âÂ
She glanced away from the hair for a second, seeing that Y/n was looking up at her the whole time, it was making her feel warm.Â
âShouldnât I ask how you are feeling about the performance you have coming up?â Chaewon asked back.
Her first game on the team was next week despite not being on the starting lineup or getting to play much she was still more and more jittery the closer the game was.
Y/n subtly shook her head. âI donât like talking about them right before, makes me too nervousâŠI like to pretend that Iâm here to be part of the audience until we are on the stage.â
âOkayââ She acknowledged, licking her lower lip as she concentrated with her eyes back on the ponytail. âIâve always been comfortable on the field, but Iâve played on the same team for years so Iâm kind of scared even if I might not play much.â The girl couldnât help but admit, trusting Y/n to carry these words with tenderness as she didnât have anyone to open up to anymore. Chaewon felt alienated no matter how welcomed she had been, she had yet to get close enough to anyone to open up but Y/n made it easy.
There was a pull towards her and her aura; one that made words slip past lips much easier.
âDo you think thatâs because you still have to get more comfortable with your teammates or with the fact that youâre playing on your home field even though it doesnât feel like home?âÂ
The words made Chaewon stop for a second and look Y/n in the eye again as she hadnât been able to tell what it was that made her feel scared when the field had always been her home; her comfort. Y/n just made it clear for her; the exact problem was that it had always been a home when she played in her old jersey, with her old team and this had yet to start feeling like a home.Â
âI think thatâs it, everything feels foreign even though Iâve gotten accustomed to how you guys play, it feels like something is off.âÂ
Y/n hummed at that.
âI think that once you get on the field during an actual game, adrenaline will make you feel right at home like this is right where you belongâŠit will happen so quick you will only realise it after.â
She pulled away from the cheerleader, the sweet scent fainter as her senses were being filled by the dull air of the centre again. The words made her think about it, trying to figure out if that would be the case, it sounded too simple.Â
âYou think so?â Chaewon asked, her hands fiddling with the loose material of her jeans as she watched Y/n who made sure the bow was secure.Â
âYeah, your home is where the ball is no matter who you play for.âÂ
It suddenly made sense to Chaewon who smiled as Y/n had managed to change her perception of things and it made the tension wash away. If anything, Chaewon was now looking forward to the game to finally be able to find her home again by playing where the ball was.Â
âThank you for that, I needed someone to talk to about itâI like talking to you.â She felt herself blush at her own words, unable to recall when she was so easily flustered by someone, let alone by the words that left her lips. Her hands clutched onto the material of her jeans as Y/n smiled even bigger at her.Â
âWell, I donât mind helping and you have my number if you want to talk.âÂ
Chaewon didnât get to get another word in though as her heart started to sling around in her chest and they were joined by the other two. The girl remembered that she maybe should try to avert her eyes away from Y/n when the girl was engulfed in a hug by Yunjin.
âWhere were you?â The shorter girl complained and Yunjin pulled away from their brief hug, a frown graced her features for a split second at the bow in Y/nâs hair that she always helped her with. However, she dropped it because she knew that Y/n always relied on Yunjinâs presence before her performancesâthe ginger was Y/nâs cheerleaderâand she didnât have much time left now.Â
It wasnât talk though, just her presence alone and she had no clue why and neither did the cheerleader have an explanation when she asked aside from it being her Jen.
âI was looking for youââ She wanted to continue but couldnât let go of the thought that she hadnât helped Y/n with her bow. It wasnât the end of the world, but it was part of a habit, it was like a ritual before every competition that they had done since they were kids. âWhen did you put this on?â Yunjin curiously asked, her fingers doing a minor change to the bow and Y/n looked up through her lashes at her hand.
âChaewon helped me because weâre short on timeââ They truly were short on time when Kazuha linked her arm with Y/n and pulled her away from Yunjin.
âWe have to go, Yeonjun texted that the coach needs us all together,â Kazuha informed them as they were already walking away.
Yunjin only waved, knowing that Y/n didnât like it when someone wished her luck or talked about the performance beforehand.Â
âSorry for losing you like that.â She apologised to the girl beside her as she had only realised that Chaewon wasnât with her once she reached Kazuha.Â
âItâs fine, it wasnât for too long.â Yunjin chuckled at that with a nod before they made their way to Jimin and Yujin.
Chaewon found herself in an even bigger crowd once they had made it to the other two and not long after she got to see the cheer performance of her life. Of course, the schoolâs team did great, but even the cheerleaders at her old school didnât cheer as well as Yunjin did beside her while they watched them perform.Â
She was sure she hadnât seen two more lovesick people when they won and she watched Y/n run right into Yunjinâs arms. Chaewon watched from the sidelines as Y/n clung onto Yunjin who practically carried the girl. She congratulated the other two people she was close to from the cheer team, Yeonjun and Kazuha.Â
What caught her attention were Yeonjunâs words.Â
âIâve never seen two more annoying best friends, the love makes me want to throw up.âÂ
It made her frown and look at them in confusion, but Yeonjun was already talking to someone else and Y/n had walked over to her.
Best friends? Love? It could mean so many things, couldnât it?
Had Chaewon read too much into their relationship? However, two best friends could be in a relationship, couldnât they? The longer she observed them the more confused she grew as the signals werenât mixed, but clear, however; clear with what intentions? Were they together?Â
Chaewon was too shy to forwardly ask, especially if she was right and they were a couple. She didnât need Yunjin to assume that she had a crush on Y/nâshe did, but that was her secretâit would be awkward and she didnât need to lose friends she just made.Â
Loud.
Loud was one of the only words that could fill her head as she nervously fiddled with the polyester of her white shorts. She was benched, but that didnât mean that her nerves werenât spiked as she watched the team play. The crowd on the bleachers was loud and the only few times her eyes drifted away from the ball was when the cheer team would motivate the team and make the crowd even louder.
One cheerleader still stuck out to her. God, Y/n stuck out like a sore thumb in Chaewonâs eyes after knowing her for two weeks and she was stuck in a dilemma. Was she supposed to forget about her crush or keep crushing in secret even if Y/n wore Yunjinâs varsity jacket with the number 8 and the girlâs last name? It wasnât like her crush was hurting anyone as long as she kept it to herself, and if it did, the only person it would hurt was Chaewon.
It made her space out once again, her eyes losing the ball and getting stuck on the setting sun in the distance as the crowd's noise disappeared.Â
It wasnât right, she was sure that if Y/n and Yunjin werenât in a relationship, they at least had to be dating while slowly pursuing something with how close they were.
However, Y/n made her feel so at home in a foreign place that she sometimes doubted her assumptions because of how close she was to the girl. The cheer captain was hard to crack with how affectionate and caring she was.
Y/n was caring, kind, observant to the people around her, intelligent, athletic, pretty, and brightâChaewon realised that she was starting to list things about Y/n in her head once again and it made her feel guilty once she remembered how Yunjin and Y/n looked at each other.
Ideally, she would want to date the girl and slowly pursue something more than friends while they were still getting to know each other so it wouldnât be a deal breaker if she confessed as a friend. It seemed perfect since they had just met. Or maybe she could set a standard to find someone like the girl?
It did not matter how many times she tried not to, Chaewon kept spacing out with the same difficult thoughts.
She cursed Y/n for bringing her such comfort yet she was more than thankful.Â
Would it be wrong to test the waters because as far as Chaewon knew some people still went out with others during the early stages of dating? Just to show her gratitude.
But Yunjin; Chaewon found a great friend in the captain.
She had yet to get the clear meaning behind the words Yeonjun said a week ago.
Chaewon jumped, flinching at the cold hand that brushed over her arm.
âOhâIâm sorry?â Her eyes widened as she looked to her side at Y/n who let out a small laugh at the reaction. That momentary coldness she felt disappeared as heat ran over her whole body, certainly leaving her ears redder than they already were.
âItâs fine, I didnât notice you.â Chaewon breathed out, rubbing her clammy palms against the fabric of her shorts. She looked around to see that the cheerleaders had spread out, seemingly taking a break for a few minutes. Her gaze went back to Y/n and her stomach flipped when she remembered the thoughts that she just had.
She scooted a bit closer to her teammate to make some more space for the cheerleader on the bench. Amidst the fresh scent of the green grass that had been watered, the scent she had grown familiar with danced its way around her as Y/n sat down beside her. Chaewon froze, glancing down as their knees touched and she tried her best to pay attention to what Y/n was saying.
âI noticed you spacing out and thought that it could have been because of what we talked about.âÂ
Y/n truly was observant and it was admirable, but now Chaewon had to lie because she couldnât tell the girl that she was daydreaming about her.Â
âOhâwellâŠkind of, thereâs just a lot on my mind lately.âÂ
âDo you want to talk about it or get your mind off of it? Maybe the latter considering the circumstances.âÂ
She chuckled at the girl's words and nodded her head because the last thing she needed was to get her head occupied with more stuff in case she would be called to sub in.
âWhat are your plans for the weekend?âÂ
âI donât have any yet, wellââ Chaewon stopped for a second to contemplate whether or not she should ask if Y/n wanted to hang out. However, did Chaewon want it to be a normal hangout? Not really unless Y/n wasnât truly single. âProbably practise some on my own.â
Chaewon decided to wait until she knew what exactly Y/n and Yunjin were.
âYouâre like Yunjin, you two could probably head together.âÂ
Chaewon looked down at her cleats as she grabbed hold of the bench, almost jolting at how she brushed her hand over Y/nâs for a second. She seemed to be the only one to notice as the cheerleader was looking over the field.Â
âYou two are close.â The girl pointed out the obvious and tilted her head to the side to look at Y/n. She watched how the smile grew slightly bigger at the mention and she understood that even if she wanted to she didnât stand a chance if just the mention of Yunjin made Y/n smile that big.
âWeâve been there for each other for so long, Jen means the world to meâsheâs my person and always will be.âÂ
Yet Chaewon couldnât help but admire it, wishing to have something similar with someone. Y/n looked at her and giggled, Chaewon catching the small tint of pink that shaded the girl's cheeks, but the same happened with hers as she had been staring at the girl once again.Â
She was worried it would become obvious soon enough.Â
Yunjin took a deep breath as she had been in her headspace the whole time, fully indulged in the field and game. She could feel the sweat dripping down her forehead, whatever loose hair strands that fell from her ponytail were sticking to her skin.Â
The score was still 0 - 0 and she knew that they werenât aiming for a draw or a simply good game. That was not what the coach wanted, their coach was harsh at times, but it always came with the best results.
Yunjin would always beat herself up though, but it was her dream and dreams meant sacrificing even a piece of herself.Â
If they lost or had a draw then they didnât do their best.Â
That was why she could only spare the person she had been dreaming about for the past three years a second long glance as she was waiting for a throw-in from one of their defenders.Â
That godforsaken feeling of longing, love and fear still slipped through her strongly made facade that she put up on the field when she saw Y/n laughing with Chaewon. Y/n made all her walls crumble so easily.
It made her exhale deeply to try and wash away that tinge of jealousy she felt. At the back of her head, she knew that this skinny love maybe wouldnât last or maybe wasnât even real and that any could sweep away her biggest dream.Â
Y/n was becoming closer to Chaewon, not as close as she was with Yunjin, but it gave her zero reassurance. Yunjin couldnât tell if she was close as in best friends or close as in love with Y/n anymore, she hated thinking about being the only one. Yet she couldnât find out as she bit her tongue and focused back on the game when the ball got thrown to one of the midfielders.Â
Chaewonâs conversation with Y/n was interrupted as the crowd started to cheer louder, the two joining in anticipation as they watched the midfielders create a perfect opportunity for the forwards when the ball got passed to Yujin. The captain was open as she was quicker on her legs than the defender who was tailing her.Â
It was a perfect opportunity to finally set a score of 1 - 0 in the last 15 minutes of the game when Yujin lobbed the ball over to Yunjin.Â
All that loud cheering turned into furious' âboosââ and shouts of disapproval and dissatisfaction at the late tackle that ended with Yujin on the ground and the whistle being blown amidst the wail of pain.
Chaewon widened her eyes with her heart racing, unsure if it was because of what just happened to Yujin who was aided right away or the coach telling her to quickly warm up to get on the field.Â
It wasnât long until Yujin was being assisted off of the field to get taken to the hospital, giving Chaewon a thumbs up despite the tears in her eyes.
She felt jittery once again, the loud cheers that were erupted by the cheer team going right back to bring up the spirit of everyone. It put so much more on her than she already felt as she got on the field with her heart jumping without a stop against her ribcage like a bouncy ball.Â
Yunjin was worried, to say the least, she hadnât played long with Chaewon but sheâd seen the girl's skills and she was good. However, she had no clue how well she worked under pressure, especially in important games. She wasnât doubting Chaewon, the girl used to be a starting striker and captain just like Yunjin.
The worries of both girlsâ disappeared right after the whistle blew and the game was back in play after the free kick. Something sparked within the both of them, seemingly sending the spark to each other as chemistry kindled between the two.Â
Yunjin always excelled, going beyond what was the limit and she took notice of the fire in Chaewon who pushed beyond a different limit, one she wasnât sure she could push. Any other day she would see it as a threatâespecially as the captain and with Chaewonâs old position and titleâbut she couldnât, not when they were attacking the goal once again, creating a perfect opening with a few minutes left.Â
If they missed this opportunity they would have to try and push for a goal during overtime instead of wasting it to keep their winning score.
So the ball got lobbed over to Yunjin who ran into the penalty area the second the ball crossed the line. It wasnât a hard decision, it never would be because she would never be selfish on the field. She had the opportunity to score a goal; Yunjin half-volleyed it over to Chaewon who had a better opportunity to score.
Y/n had been right all along and Chaewon hadnât smiled as big as she did now ever since she landed at JFK airport when she scored. Her body was engulfed in the thrashing hugs of her teammates. Maybe she could find a home here after all as the adrenaline made her feel like she was floating in her zone of comfort again.Â
The bitter taste in her mouth was no longer present, replaced by the sweet sound of the whistleblowing not long after; winning 1 - 0.
âHuh and Kim.â The two girls didnât get to join the celebration of their teammates for longer than a few minutes before being called by their coach.Â
Their chests were still heaving with exhaustion and the coursing adrenaline in their veins as they glanced at each other in confusion. The people around them celebrated, the people dissipating from the bleachers to congratulate the team and head home, the clock striking 9 P.M.
âGreat play from the both of you, especially at the endâI just finished talking to Yujinâs dad and as itâs looking right now she wonât be playing.â The two nodded, feeling relief at the praise, but concerned at their teammate's state who was at the hospital.Â
âWhat happened?â Yunjin asked, her forearm coming up and wiping away the sweat before it would trickle down to her eyes.
âIt looks like a sprained ankle so she wonât be able to play for the rest of the season which brings us hereââ Yunjin glanced over at Chaewon who was attentively listening to the woman in front of them. âChaewon will be part of the starting lineup as a second striker for the rest of the season, the decision is made based on skill.â The ginger knew that their spare second striker wasnât nearly as good as Yujin and that Chaewon was perhapsâdefinitelyâbetter than Yujin herself.
The coach nodded, dismissing the two as she walked away.
âI hope we can work with a perfect dynamic both on and off the field, Chaewon,â Yunjin said, turning to look at the shorter girl. The new starter parted her lips before closing her mouth, hesitating about what to say which Yunjin had grown used to as Chaewon was still getting comfortable around them.Â
She smiled at the girl and stretched out her hand and Chaewon accepted it with a smile. âI will do my bestââ They gently squeezed before letting go and Chaewon grew the courage to compliment her captain. âIt was a great assist on your part, thank you for the opportunity.âÂ
âAlways, weâre a team and I will always prioritise our whole team over my desire to score goals.â The two laughed at Yunjinâs words as they headed over to the huddle of cheerleaders, teammates, and other students while talking with each other.Â
The thoughts of competing with each other disappeared as they worked better together than against each other. Â
âYou two did so well, that pass and goal wereââ The rest of the cheer captain's words were muffled as her face ended up in Yunjinâs jersey who grabbed hold of her best friend when she jumped into her arms. It warmed Yunjin as she smiled, squeezing Y/n in her arms.
âThank you, pretty girl, but your cheering kept us going,â Yunjin replied and Y/n pulled away with a grin.
âWhat about us?â Yeonjun questioned and Jimin was right behind him, holding the cameraâpictures for the senior yearbookâKazuha jogging over to the rest.
âI guess you guys did okay.â She said with a shrug, receiving dirty looks from the two cheer members. The warmth from her arms disappeared and her eyes trailed over to Y/n to see the girl grab hold of Chaewonâs hand and pull her over to them.
âDo we leave for the beach?â Jimin questioned.
Chaewonâs head perked up, looking away from the hand that was clasping onto hers but Y/n let go once they reached the group.Â
The rest agreed and Y/n turned to her with a smile. âWe usually head to the beach after with a few more people to celebrate, you included. Do you need a ride?â
It wasnât long before she was sitting on the beach after being squeezed into one of the few cars as there were probably a dozen other students. The sun was just about to disappear fully, the weather was more chilly by the beach, the girl in a pair of loose jeans, a hoodie and her varsity jacket with the number 52 on it and her last name.
She had been sitting and talking with mostly Jimin who was sitting beside her on one of the blankets, Yeonjun joining in as he sat across from them on a beach chair he looked two times too tall for. Kazuha had dozed off on Jiminâs shoulder just an hour after they arrived. A small campfireâone of the two where another group was sitting occasionally butting into their conversationsâkept them warmer while keeping the atmosphere.Â
The shore where the waves gently brushed was also filled with laughter and shouts as a soccer ball was passed around as they played rondo. Part of that circle was Yunjin and in the middle with a guy was Y/n, running around and trying to get possession of the ball.Â
Chaewon hadnât had the chance to talk much more to Y/n after they drove off.
She was a wallflower; Y/n was a social butterfly.Â
Sheâd argue that they were two worlds apart, but she was proven wrong as butterflies were always drawn to flowers. Y/n had approached her the first day and had continued to do soâ
âAre Y/n and Yunjin together?â It barely made it past the ocean breeze, gentle waves, laughter and crackling fire as she mumbled the words into the air, they almost managed to get blown away by it. Her fingers fiddled with the soda in her hands, nervous to say the least as her heart pounded at the question she asked.
âbut as much as butterflies were drawn to flowers, they also danced among each other the way Y/n and Yunjin did.
She glanced at Jimin who hummed, the girl looking at her and what she got in return was a breathless chuckle.Â
âDoes it look like it?â Chaewon shrugged at the question, watching as Yunjin ran away from the circle after tunnelling the ball between Y/nâs legs, the cheerleader chasing right after her.Â
Their relationship was contagious and it made Chaewon smile, wondering if there was someone like that out there for her. Yunjin was more than lucky, she envied it but not in a bad way, she only wished to find happiness in a new place. She kind of had, but people always wanted more than they had, didnât they?
âThey look like the type that went from best friends to lovers.â She admitted.Â
Their dynamic reminded her of two best friends while also having that extra step that made her believe that they were more. Those affectionate gestures, the way they looked at each other and held each other, those glances and touches she had taken notice of.
Chaewon rested her elbows on her knees, the soda can in hand as she spun the tab around with her finger. Her eyes left the two girls as Y/n tackled Yunjin onto the sand, their laughter being almost obnoxiously loud. They landed on Jimin who had been looking at the two and now looked at Chaewon with a slightly confused frown that disappeared as she shook her head with a smile.
âThey are the first but not the second.âÂ
Chaewon frowned. âSo they arenât dating either?â She asked, wondering if they were in the stages of trying to pursue something. That guilt she felt for crushing on someone her new friend was with slowly started to disappear when the girl beside her shook her head.
âNope, theyâve been best friends since middle schoolââ She watched as Jimin looked over at the two girls before looking back at her. âYouâre crushing on one of them, arenât you?â She teasingly asked and Chaewon took in a deep breath and held it, a blush dancing its way onto her cheeks and ears.Â
Her knee got nudged by Jiminâs and she exhaled the breath that she was holding. âY/n kind of caught my attention I guess.â She shyly mumbled, letting her hair fall and cover more of her face as she stared down at the blanket under her.Â
âIâm vouching for you and if you need some good vouching, thereâs no one better than Yunjin.â It made sense because who would be better than Y/nâs best friend? She could maybe look for some moral support and help. Chaewon knew that if the two were best friends she would need as much of Yunjinâs trust as she needed Y/nâs.Â
âUgh, thereâs like a whole sandbox in my shoes.â Y/n groaned.
âI guess thatâs what happens when you go to the beach and start tackling people,â Yunjin replied, looking at the girl who was sitting beside her on the sand after tackling her.Â
Y/n gasped and tilted her head, âdoes it, Jen?â She mocked and Yunjin chuckled as the girl gave her a light shove as she slipped her shoe back on after emptying it of sand.
The wind blew colder and she watched the way Y/nâs hair blew out of her face, the girl still brushing away some strays that got in the way. Yunjin felt herself hold back a shiver, knowing that the smaller girl was cold as she only had a long sleeve and no jacket. It made her manoeuvre around, the girl giving her a confused hum as she looked back at Yunjin.
âWhy are you always so underdressed?â She genuinely asked as she couldnât remember a single time the girl had dressed according to the weather. It earned her a small chuckle as she settled behind Y/n who leaned back into Yunjin, having the girl sit between her legs. The striker adjusted her varsity jacket and covered Y/n with it too before hugging around her shoulders to keep her warm and to simply be close to the cheerleader.Â
Yunjin no longer paid attention to the way her heart constricted before exploding as she had grown used to it after all these years. Especially after coming to terms at the beginning of high school that she was in love with Y/n. A small smile rested on her lips as she propped her chin up on top of Y/nâs head, cupping the cold hands that had started to fiddle with her fingers.Â
After a minute of silence, she got her reply.Â
ââCause it always ends with you hugging me or letting me borrow your clothes. I like that.â
Yunjin was so in love that it hurt and it hurt more each time she bit her tongue to prevent herself from saying it out loud to her best friend. It made her heart twist and pump extra hard, sending warmth throughout her whole body; each time it happened she felt at home.Â
That warmth she felt with Y/n was the warmth of a home.Â
She wanted to believe that neither said anything to make sure that it stayed this way forever. Yunjin wanted to be stuck in this moment forever even if she wasnât in a relationship with Y/n at this moment. She could be stuck in a moment like this forever simply because it was just them and she never would have to worry that someone or something could ruin it. It was like a safe space where she knew that she had Y/n and would be the only one to hold her.
Yunjin was also aware that time didnât stop, not even for love.
âI can do that without you possibly getting sick.â She mumbled. The girl in her arms hummed as their fingers tangled with each other. Yunjin stared ahead at the ocean before them, hoping to find them on the horizon; that somehow her dreams would happen.Â
She lifted her head as Y/n turned the slightest in her hold and their eyes met. A smile on her best friend's lips whose hand found its way to the necklace she was wearing, toying with the pendant all while bringing Yunjin closer. It was these moments when Y/n pulled her even closer, where she looked Yunjin in the eye in a serene silence that brought them to Eden. It was these moments that made the girl believe that Y/n was in love when she just silently looked her in the eye.
Yunjin dreamed of getting rid of her bad habits where her mouth was glued shut, where she bit her tongue as it got tied when she was around the girl no matter how much those three words bubbled in her stomach. She dreamed of it being Y/nâs lips that glued her mouth shut by pressing against hers, that it was the girl biting her tongue, tying it with hers, but how did she tell that to Y/n?Â
She always wondered what it was that Y/n saw and looked for in these moments with the way she waited. Was she waiting for Yunjin? Or did the soccer captain look too much into it? Was she looking at just a best friend or someone she wanted more with just like the striker did?Â
Doubts, fears, worries, and insecurities all made her mouth get stitched together.
The ginger watched as Y/nâs gaze dropped, falling to the pendant of the necklace around her neck. Yunjinâs life would be mundane without Y/n in it, the girl who drove her insane in so many ways and there was no one else she could see herself as in love with.
âIâm lucky to have you.â Was what finally left the girlâs lip with a tired giggle after.
âI think Iâm luckier,â Yunjin replied as the girl dropped her head, resting it under Yunjinâs chin who hugged her closer around her shoulders to shield Y/n from the wind.Â
âYeah, you are.â She chuckled at the words, smiling as she knew how lucky she was to have Y/n as her best friend. Yunjin knew that she was one of the luckiest people on earth by getting to feel Y/nâs love no matter in what form it came and with what intentions. She also knew how lucky she was to have the chance to fall in love with her best friend, to love her even if it was in silence.Â
The sun was out and warming up the day, the grass on the field was not as green as the grass on the schoolâs field. It held a yellowish hue to it at certain spots on the enclosed soccer field. There was a gentle breeze of cold and Yunjin kicked the ball, the sound of it hitting the crossbar echoed through the air and she huffed a breath of exhaustion.Â
âYouâre a surprisingly good playmaker for a centre forward.â
âI used to be a second striker,â Yunjin replied as the ball smoothly glided between her feet and she walked over to where Chaewon was sitting on the grass with her water bottle. âThen our main striker quit and I became captain and main striker because of skill plus my height.â She proceeded to explain.
Yunjin put her hands into the pockets of the trainer she had on to not get too cold in just shorts. She carefully juggled the ball as she stood a few feet away from Chaewon. It was slightly after 1 PM and they had been doing 101 drills after Y/n suggested to ask Chaewon.
Aside from that, Yunjin wanted to get closer to the new girl, so the best option was to ask Chaewon to hang out.
Chaewon was starting to become a close friend like she was with her other friends. There wasnât anything to complain about, especially with how much they had in common and would play alongside each other for a whole season.Â
âCoach was sceptical of putting me as the main striker, thought I was better suited for secondââ Chaewon started. âMostly because of my height.âÂ
Yunjin looked over at the girl who smiled up at her, chuckling as she nodded her head at the words. âI think we can make the most out of the current lineup.âÂ
Chaewon hummed at that as she put her water bottle down, slightly tugging onto the sleeves of the compression shirt she had under her jersey. It was a surprise when she got a text from Yunjin in the morning, asking if she wanted to practise some drills.Â
That feeling of possibly being alienated had started to fully dissipate.
She busied her fingers by pulling onto the strands of grass, the soft thuds of Yunjin juggling the ball filled her ears and she found herself thinking about the same thing once again. It felt like a good idea to tell Y/nâs best friend that she was starting to like the girl.
That thought had passed her mind a few times since last night, especially when she knew that she would spend time with Yunjin alone today.Â
It could make things easier, especially since Chaewon knew that she was good at holding back because she was shy. She feared she would bite her tongue hard and long enough that by the time she would let go, it would be too late. The last thing she wanted was to regret something because her tongue was tied, but it was hard to simply untie knots of shyness that had been with her since she was little.Â
She wished she could be more like some people around her and stop biting her tongue; Yunjin felt like a good example from her point of view. The girl always had Y/nâs attention and didnât shy away.
A deep breath slipped past her lips and she looked up from the grass and at the girl in front of her. There was a mix of anxiety and fear swirling in her stomach, but she forced some courage into it, trying to think of how she only would live once and this was her senior year.
It was truly difficult and it got only harder the more she started to think about it; the more she would overthink, the more reasons came up not to do it. Dating within a friend group? What if Y/n didnât find her interesting enough? What if she simply wouldnât be good enough? That paired with the fact that Y/nâs standard was probably impossibly high seeing how her dynamic worked with her best friend. Was Y/n even into girls?Â
It all made her want to curl up and hide as the dark gloom of anxiety covered the sky and cast a shadow over her.Â
Why was liking someone so hard and scary?
She was supposed to drop the pessimism though.
Chaewon couldnât let up pursuing something with someone whom she grew attracted to in the blink of an eye. What if this was meant to be and she would waste it because she was scared and shy? That seemed to be the dealbreaker.
âWould you vouch for me if I liked someone you know and are close with?â
âYeah of course, why wouldnât I?â Yunjin replied right away after the momentary silence that had fallen between them. It was a bit surprising to hear the girl be this straightforward, especially after seeing Chaewon hold back and shy away often. It let Yunjin know that she was comfortable with her.Â
Yunjin obviously would vouch for her new friend and she couldnât deny it because Chaewon was truly a great person and friend even if they had known each other for only two weeks.Â
She got a hum from the girl, her eyes darting between the ball that she was juggling and Chaewon on the grass. Yunjin was about to ask who it was; her mind swirled with the people Chaewon had gotten close with and she was about to utter the words âIs it Jimin or Zuha?â Maybe even Yeonjun no matter how insufferable he could be at times. However, Chaewon was much quicker and Yunjinâs world possibly crumbled into pieces even quicker.
âOkay, âcause itâs Y/n.â
The ball dropped, Yunjin felt her heart fall right with it and she couldnât force a breath out for what felt like hours but was a few seconds. Unable to breathe for the few seconds that it took for her to register the fact that everything would change.Â
What had yet to come was the acceptance of how everything would change.
How did she come to terms with losing someone she loved and being nothing more than best friends forever? How did she accept the fact that she would possibly never get to know or get to tell?
Once she was able to get a shaky breath out she realised that they were growing quicker than usual. Something was wrong, something definitely was wrong as a fire that destroyed everything in its way started in her make-believe world where it was her and Y/n forever whether they uttered it out loud or not.Â
She was so set on her make-believe world that Chaewon liking the girl she loved didnât cross her mind because in her head it was Y/n and Yunjin even if it wasnât written for everyone to see.Â
âWhat?â Yunjinâs voice was laced with confusion, that confusion wasnât directed at Chaewon liking Y/n. That confusion was directed towards her dreams, that stupid horizon where their dream started. Had Yunjin been stupid enough to think that the horizon was reachable?Â
That confusion was the uncertainty of what was next. What came next if Yunjin was in love, but too scared to confess because she didnât want to lose a best friend, but neither did she want to lose a possible lover to someone else? Lose her by not telling her the truth before someone else gets the chance before Chaewon could unknowingly steal Yunjinâs dream.
âHuh?â Chaewon squinted her eyes as the sun peeked out from behind the clouds that were starting to clear from the sky. Her hand came up to her face to shield her eyes as she looked at Yunjin.
âHuh?â Was all that Yunjin could utter back, her hands jitterly pulling at her trainer as she started to feel uneasy at the fear growing in her.
âY/n, I like her.â She repeated, assuming that Yunjin didnât hear what she had said at first. Chaewon repeated them firmly, but that didnât mean that she wasnât crumbling on the inside because she was unsure of Yunjinâs reaction or if the captain would consider her enough for Y/n.Â
âOh.â That security disappeared from Yunjinâs life and was replaced by what she knew would be a constant fear of losing Y/n to someone else because of an even bigger fear.Â
It made Yunjin crouch down before she sat down fully in front of Chaewon. Her eyes darted around, trying to find something to look at that could distract her from the forlornness and apprehension.Â
âYeah.â
âThatâsâŠâ There were no words for her to describe what she felt let alone words to say to Chaewon who just admitted to liking the girl she had been in love with since middle school. The girl she had accepted she was in love with at the start of high school. The girl she had wanted to confess to since then, but had always been too scared because of what a high-risk gamble it was.
âHonestly, I was hesitant until last night at the beach after I asked Jimin about it because I thought you two were together.âÂ
Her eyes briefly darted back to Chaewon who scratched at the back of her neck with a slight frown. Was Yunjin being obvious? If so, did Y/n notice it too? She didnât want Chaewon to think that she as Y/nâs best friend didnât find her good enough for the girl. At the same time, she didnât want Chaewon to take the chance.Â
She was stuck in a dilemma within a dilemma. The captain was starting to drown in despair, her tongue getting tied into a tighter knot than ever before as she so badly wanted to tell Chaewon that she loved Y/n.Â
âWe arenât butâŠâ Yunjin tried her best to push through, she was fighting for it, but it made her heartbeat worse than it was a second ago. The thought of losing a best friend felt just as scary as losing a possible lover. Her hands balled up the material of her shorts as she stared down at the grass, letting her hair fall and cover the frown on her face all while listening to Chaewon talk.
âI didnât want to get in the way of anything and I was worried becauseââ Yunjinâs chest felt heavy and it only got heavier with all these suppressed feelings that grew like a garden. âWell, I wouldnât stand a chance against you and itâs not like I ever wanted to see you as competition over a girl so I would get over my crush on Y/n if that was the caseâŠI didnât want to ruin our friendship either since I like where itâs heading.â
âChaewonâŠâ She didnât manage to push anything out, there was a lump in Yunjinâs throat that wasnât letting her speak. Those suppressed feelings she always refused to let out were blocking her airways.Â
âItâs a relief, now I stand a chance, you know?â
âChaewon, Iââ She looked up at the girl who had a small smile on her face and Yunjin smiled back at her while feeling how her heart was being pierced by thorns. It felt like she was being mocked by her feelings, laughed at by her own heart for being so stupid. This was her chance to make sure that her new friend would get over her crush on Y/n.Â
âI think you stood a chance right from the start.âÂ
However, Yunjin didnât stand the slightest chance against her fears and so Chaewon didnât have much to worry about from the start.
Now each day that Yunjin woke up was filled with such fear and dread that she didnât want to wake up. Yunjin not only woke up afraid but went to bed even more scared, fearing that when she woke up she would do so to heart-shattering news.
The week went by with Yunjin feeling sick, her heart ached and she felt lost in the sea of choices that she had. There were so many that she could make yet it felt like she had no choices at all. Who was hurting her? It wasnât Y/n. It wasnât Chaewon. Yunjin was hurting herself.
Slowly she started to take notice of how over the week Chaewon had already started to make subtle moves despite her shy nature. Yunjin now saw how easily flustered the girl got and how giggly Y/n was with her too. With each time she took a deep breath, bit down on her lower lip, gazed at the girl she was in love with and reminded herself of how Y/n would forever be her best friend and that thatâs something that should make her feel over the moon.
Yet all it did was make her happy and ache in pain because she would always have Y/n, but not in the way she wanted to have the girl. It was frustrating, especially because of the agony it caused her.
She knew that Y/n wasnât spending less time with her because she wasnât and Yunjin would never mind Y/n spending time with someone else. The problem was that Y/n was spending time with someone who liked her, someone Yunjin said she would vouch for yet every time Chaewonâs name left Y/nâs lips she couldnât do more than hum because her voice had started to strain from the suppressed feelings.Â
What used to be Yunjin walking Y/n to class started to feel like Yunjin dragging herself after Chaewon and her best friend. However, it felt like reassurance every time Y/n would tangle her fingers with Yunjinâs fingers while walking in the middle. Her eyes paying attention to the other girl who would talk before looking over at Yunjin with a smile that made her smile right back.
What type of reassurance was Y/n giving her? Was Y/n sensing that something was off? Yunjin didnât want to be obvious, but she also wished she knew if that was reassurance of her not being replaced or reassurance of their skinny love going to last for years on end.
She was already reassured that she would never be replaced and she would never doubt that. What she did doubt was the fantasy she had lived in that she still hoped was true. Y/n loved her back.
Yet it lay heavily on her chest whenever she saw Y/n and Chaewon together.Â
Her eyes kept glancing towards the open door of the classroom, not paying much mind to anyone else around her. It had been a month since Chaewon transferred, tomorrow would be two weeks since Yunjinâs stomach started turning and throat close up.
It was hard to move at times, scared she would do the wrong thing, say the wrong thing because of how she had been forcing everything to stay inside. That garden of feelings in her lungs was starting to get too big for her to hold in.
Yunjin was holding back the door that was ready to burst open with emotions while constantly sweeping more of them inside.Â
The second she heard Y/nâs laugh, she felt a mix of relief and fear, knowing that her best friend was near but that she was probably with Chaewon. She and the girl had this class together, the class before was without Y/n who had physics with Chaewon. Yunjin knew that she would see Chaewon walk the girl to class, that was why Y/n wasnât early like she usually would be so they could talk before class started.Â
It was hard to hate Chaewon, Yunjin truly had no reason to hate the girl as she watched them outside the classroom. The new girl was perfect and if Yunjin hadnât been in love with her best friend she would wish for nothing more than for Y/n to be with someone as good as Chaewon.Â
Maybe she should wish for it right this moment because what if Yunjin wasnât enough? How could she be when she didnât dare to even express herself? She always prioritised Y/nâs happiness in the end.Â
Chaewon was right there and Yunjin too, but even if she was, she knew that it was miles away with how those words couldnât seem to reach Y/n. They never would as long as she screamed them on the inside.Â
Y/n laughed, she smiled, her eyes sparkled, that little jump she did when excited, the way she paid attention, and held eye contact; it all hurt from how beautiful Yunjin found it. It hurt even more to think that if she did nothing about her love for Y/n; she wouldnât be the only cause for those things to be ten times as bright.Â
She wanted to make Y/n laugh the loudest, smile the biggest, and have her eyes glimmer like water in the sun from love. Yunjin wanted to be the biggest source of happiness as Y/n was hers.
The second she walked in Yunjin straightened her posture and felt that beating of excitement ignite in her heart like it always did. All those worries were suddenly gone as Y/n walked towards her and even if they were in a classroom that was starting to pile up with students; it was just them in Yunjinâs eyes. Â
Yunjin wished she was more brave, but even the bravest people were scared of losing someone dear to them.Â
It always made her warm the second Y/n was near her, listening attentively to what her best friend was talking about as she sat down beside her. Lately, Yunjin felt more nervous around Y/n, taking notice of how flustered she felt and the way her heart would beat after growing used to it only for it to plague her again. It was as if she was being mocked by her own body by being reminded of what Y/n made her feel and how she would possibly lose someone who made her feel so much to Chaewon because she was scared.Â
âDo you have any plans for tomorrow?â She questioned the cheerleader, taking notice of how their knees were brushing against each other; how close they were sitting with her arm grazing Y/nâs now and then.Â
It was all becoming a clear picture that she had grown so used to she never noticed its details anymore.Â
Y/n smiled at her, Yunjin was expecting the usual answer since no one had planned anything. âYouââ She raised her eyebrows as Y/n didnât finish what she was about to say, realising a breath as she chuckled. âChaewon just asked if I wanted to hang out tomorrow.âÂ
Yunjin inhaled before exhaling just as deeply with a pout that disappeared quicker than it appeared. She wouldnât care, she never did care if Y/n couldnât hang out with her when she asked or the other way around because it was a given that they would get busy with other people and things at times. It was simply the fact that she wished that Chaewon had never told her about the crush she had grown on Y/n because Yunjin hated the fact that she knew what Chaewonâs intentions were.
It wouldnât be painful if she hadnât known; Yunjin would have seen it as nothing more than a friendly hangout and not Chaewon trying to get closer to the girl Yunjin was in love with.Â
âThatâs fine,â she reassured Y/n, her fingers toying with the sleeves of her varsity jacket. Yunjin didnât mind, she was just scared of where one simple hangout would lead because she still needed some more time to think this through. No matter how scared she was, she needed to be sure that those fears were worth suffocating for.
âIâm sure you can tag alongââ Yunjin knew that Y/nâs kindness made the girl oblivious yet she hoped that it was more than kindness and obliviousness towards her. She stopped her, knowing that Chaewon asked just Y/n for a reason. As much as it hurt, Yunjin was a good friend and would continue hurting instead of hurting someone else.Â
âNo, she probably has stuff planned for the two of youâŠItâs not like thereâs no next week.â Somehow it still felt like one of these weeks would be the last ones until Y/n would be swept away from her, ridding Yunjin of any chances to confess if she chose to do so.Â
Chaewon wasnât the best at planning, especially if she had yet to get to know Y/n on a deeper level. She took her chances the second she cleared her confusion about Y/n and Yunjin being together. It took away the guilt of crushing on the girl and it made it easier to act out on her feelings. Her gut feeling told her to finally ask the girl out and she did, but she wasnât brave enough to clarify that she would like to take her on a date.
It was a hangout.
She winged it after getting to know a bit more about Y/n, spending each free moment between them talking and showing interest. The perfect moments were the classes they had together, the few classes she could walk Y/n to and the times she bumped into the girl between periods.
Chaewon did her best to show interest, forcing herself to break down her wall of uncertainty and shynessâstill strugglingâhoping that she was enough to get Y/nâs attention back. It was more difficult than she wouldâve thought as the girl seemed to fall between oblivious and knowing yet playing dumb. Chaewon couldnât figure it out. Was Y/n getting the hints or was she oblivious to them?
Or maybe it was Chaewonâs fault as she hadnât dared to be obvious enough either because of how frightening it was to be vulnerable about her feelings, especially as someone closed off and typically shy.
She worked with what she had.
And so she was walking with her hands in her pockets, too nervous to take them out as she kept fiddling with stuff while walking beside Y/n at the aquarium. The enthusiasm and just Y/n in general was making her smile, her little crush was growing gradually, being blown up like a balloon and she had to bite back to not smile too much at certain times.Â
âDo you miss Austin a lot?â The girl suddenly asked as they reached the moon jellies.
Chaewon felt that stupid longing again and she wasnât sure why it mattered so much if she was in her senior year and would be moving away to university after. Maybe because it was so sudden and unfair to just be dragged away from her home as it was the last year she would get to spend there. Now once she left for university, when she would visit home it would mean visiting this new home and not the one where she grew up.
Chaewon had left a part of her behind and now wanted to find a way to fill it and build a new part so it wouldnât be as arduous.Â
âI do miss it, all the friends I had there, memories, the place where I grew upââ She replied, glancing at Y/n who was crouched down to look closer at the jellyfish. It made Chaewon crouch down too beside the girl, the calmness of the moment, all the moments she had with Y/n filled that empty spot slowly. She assumed that it was because Y/n was the first one to make her feel welcomed and at home whether with words or actions.
It could have been anyone, but she was lucky enough to land on Y/n in the school.
âIt will always be my home, Long Island is great but it will never be the place where I grew up.â So much for being a closed-off person, it felt like she was knocking over glasses filled with water when she was with Y/n from how much she so easily let spill from her mouth. She couldnât seem to seek solace in anyone else.Â
âIt wonât be the same when you visit home now if you leave, will it?â Chaewon rested her arms over her knees and rested her cheek on top of them to keep her gaze on Y/n instead of the jellies. It made her smile at how understood she felt by the girl. It warmed her that the cheerleader did her best to understand even if she had lived in Long Island since she was born.Â
Chaewon pursed her lips at the smile that grew, the heat that warmed her cheeks and the way her heart started to race. âIt wonât unfortunately.â She mumbled, watching how the blue light illuminated Y/nâs beauty, letting her know that there was beauty everywhere in the world and not just where her home was.Â
Y/n made her heart jump when she was caught looking at the girl, however, she couldnât look away. The cheer captain didnât seem to mind being more interesting than the exhibit was to Chaewon.Â
âWe will help you create enough memories during senior year so you have something to come back to and reminisce about.â That was where Chaewon hoped that all her new friends would come in and help, especially Y/n who she hoped she had a chance with. It would be memorable and something she would want to come back to if she was with someone who lived all their life in the state.Â
âThat would be great.â The cheer captain nodded at her words, looking back at the tank with the jellyfish.Â
âWhere are you going after the school year ends?âÂ
âIâm hoping to get scouted by UCLA, thatâs where I want to apply either way.â Her words made Y/n look right back at her with a small smile.Â
âMaybe some of us were destined to meet or we would be brought to each other by fate, depending on what you believe in.âÂ
âWhyâs that?â Chaewon questioned, getting back up on her feet as Y/n stood up.Â
âWeâre applying for the same school, Yunjin is hoping for the same as you. So maybe if you hadnât moved here, we would still meet if we got into the same universityââ She walked beside the girl, their shoulders and fingers brushed against each other, making Chaewon grab onto the material of her hoodie. âYou know the whole âbrought to each other by fateâ or âdestined to meetâ,â She chuckled at Y/nâs words, assuming that the girl had no clue how much more they fueled Chaewon.Â
What if it was meant to be? Chaewon had heard that love had its ways of bringing people who are made for each other together. Maybe that was why she grew attracted the second she saw Y/n. Was it the same for Y/n? What if Y/n would be the one she was going to fall in love with? Her heart started to beat tenfold, her silly little crush growing more serious with each second she thought about it.Â
It would be best if she stopped indulging in superstitions before she hurt herself.Â
âHow are they coming out?âÂ
Chaewon chuckled as she looked at the latest picture, moving her phone away when the cheerleader tried to get a peek at her screen. âThereâs no deleting any.â She established first as she found every picture of the girl overly perfect and memorable. Photogenic was yet another thing the girl was.Â
Y/n was perfect; it could be Chaewonâs heart eyes, but there truly wasnât anything to dislike about the girl. There was beauty on the outside which was the first thing Chaewon caught onto when looking at Y/n when she first stepped out onto the field on her first day and then she noticed the beauty on the inside when Y/n first spoke to her and made her feel at home.
âThat means that they are bad,â Y/n complained, making her shake her head in disagreement.
âThe opposite, I donât think itâs possible to get a bad picture of you.â It made her laugh when Y/n at last managed to grab hold of her forearm and she let the girl overpower her, bringing down her hand with the phone. Her free hand went up to the girlâs head, petting along the plush penguin beanie the cheerleader had on her head that Chaewon bought for her on their way out of the aquarium.Â
âYouâre being bold today.âÂ
âItâs easier when you look this cute and less intimidating.â She mumbled before flicking the beak of the penguin and taking her phone away from Y/n. Chaewon looked down at her phone and the lock screen flashed open with a new wallpaper. A picture Y/n had taken when she was busy looking at the girlâs beanie, petting her head and Y/n pouting at the camera.Â
âThe cost of keeping those pictures is me and you as your lock screenââ She smiled at those words, something she found herself doing with just the thought of the girl who stood in front of her. âYou look cute all engrossed by my beanie.â It made Chaewon look down at her feet and her shoulders slump inwards as she put her phone back into her pocket at those words.Â
Y/n called her cute.
If only she knew that she was all engrossed by her and not the beanie.
She glanced over at the river they were walking alongside and she thought about it for a second. Just a second and not any longer because if she spent a second longer she would end up overthinking and backing out.Â
âY/nâŠâ
âYeah?â She heaved a sigh as she looked at the cheerleader in front of her. Hands started to nervously twist the material inside her pockets while looking at Y/n who had the sun gently casting its rays on her skin. Her eyes sparkled, dimples prominent as she kept a small smile on her lips while looking Chaewon in the eyeâChaewon trying her best to keep eye contactâwaiting.
âWould you mind thinking of this as a date rather than a hangout?â Chaewonâs heart was beating in her ears and she felt like she would get a heatstroke from the waves of warmth that covered her face.Â
If she hadnât been gripping inside her pockets her fingers would be trembling with anxiety. This was the boldest and most straightforward she had possibly been and it was twisting her stomach.Â
âI have to be honestâŠâ That worry grew with those words coming from Y/n. Her eyes widened in fear of rejection and she was starting to regret that she even asked to begin with. Was this it?Â
âI kind of figured those were the intentions when you insisted on paying and handling everything.â
Chaewon exhaled deeply, relaxing her body while her heart continued to pound because it had yet to calm down like the rest of her. Maybe she had been obvious enough without having to say it. She didnât manage to utter a single word, still trying to collect herself from the fears she faced while watching Y/n grab hold of the flaps of the beanie while staring up at her.Â
âWhat kind of date?âÂ
Chaewon had practised this answer because she didnât want to move too fast or too slow. After all, there was no way she was the only one in the entire school who was interested in Y/n.Â
She cleared her throat, getting rid of the trembling it would possibly do.Â
âA no-pressure date where you donât have to think about where itâs heading, but rather to get to know each other without having to think about whether you like me or not and just get close for the first few ones before you think about the rest to know for sure if you want anything more or not.â
She was sure that no matter how many times she practised it, she still ended up rambling because she felt out of breath at the end of her sentence. Her wide eyes laid on Y/n, expectant, hoping that what she had said made sense because it did in her head. It did earn her a small giggle which she hoped meant that she was doing something right.Â
âOkay, but thereâs one thing.â
âOf course.â She had never agreed as quickly before, feeling the giddiness grow within her while biting on her lower lip to stop herself from grinning.Â
âNothing gets awkward if you ask me to date you and I reject you for any reason. I also think it will be better if you donât ask for reasons so it doesnât ruin anything.â
âYou sound set on rejecting me. You donât have to agree out of pity.â Her hands came out of her pockets, pulling her sleeves down and squeezing them to get rid of the clamminess on her palms. She proceeded to scratch at her neck, her anxious habits kicking in right away as her hands were jittery. The possibility of it being out of pity hung in the air as she watched Y/n shake her head.
âIâm not, I just donât want a possible friendship getting ruined if it doesnât come to anything.â She could get behind that considering they were still getting to know each other and it could either evolve into a friendship or something more from this point.Â
âOkayââ A calmness finally washed over her as they stood by the river, taking in a deep breath as she gazed over Y/nâs slightly flushed face before she looked at the hands that were clutching on the flaps of the beanie.Â
âCan I hold your hand then?â The blushing was starting to get overwhelming for Chaewon, but she couldnât help but push herself as she was beginning to get comfortable with it the more she did.
âYeah, what else do you usually initiate on a first date, Chaewon?â Shivers danced along her hot body when Y/n let go of the flaps and slid her hand into Chaewonâs properly for the first time. Her brain ignored all her other worries she had about holding Y/nâs hand as they started to walk, only being able to think about the fact that she was holding her hand.
âHand holding and hugsâŠMaybe a kiss on the cheek from you if you enjoyed it.â She mumbled the words into the air as she watched their hands.
âYouâre so sly.â Chaewon wanted to squealâshe would once she got homeâwhen Y/n stopped and placed a small peck on her already scorching cheek before she pulled her to continue walking along the lake while holding hands.Â
Saturday was game day with Chaewonâs first game on the starting lineup and Yunjin wasnât worried after all the drills they had been practising for the past two weeks. She had other things to worry about even if her priority should be the upcoming games aiming to become state champions to then take part in nationals.Â
However, Y/n would always come first, especially if it felt like she was on the brink of losing something she didnât yet have with her but wanted.
âHow was yesterday?â Yunjin only managed to have a brief conversation with Y/n about her hangout with Chaewon as the girl was helping her stretch before the game. Honestly, after she got the answer, she didnât want to talk more about it because her throat closed up with feelings she suppressed and her stomach twisted.Â
âIt was fun, we went to the aquarium, walked along the river, got some snacks and then she drove me homeââ Yunjin settled for the answer and she wasnât sure if she wanted to hear the rest from Y/n but she still did. âShe asked if I could think of it as a date instead of a hangout.âÂ
That heavy gloom had washed right over Yunjin, it felt like she was in the deepest parts of a blue sea where it was hard to breathe without it burning her lungs and making her tear up.
âDid you?â She carefully asked to make sure and to mask the quivering in her voice.Â
âYeah, itâs just to get to know each other first without thinking about whatâs next.â
âDo you think there will be more?â Yunjin wasnât sure why she asked because she knew that she would shed that gloom that coated her if Y/n answered with something she dreaded hearing. All she got was a moment of silence as Y/n looked up at her in thought, tilting her head as she shrugged.Â
âIf it happens it happens naturally and at its own pace so I canât say much.âÂ
Was this Yunjinâs shot to still have her chance with Y/n?
It was never too late for love, was it?
Yet her mouth was stapled shut and the more dates she watched Chaewon take Y/n on the more frustrations stored themselves behind that locked door of emotions. It was hurting to hold it closed. All those frustrations were towards herself and she didnât think she could have taken them out on someone else.Â
They were getting the best of her.
âWhat is up with you, Huh Yunjin?â She could only stare down at her hands as she sat in her coachâs office after practice.Â
Yes, they were on a 5 - 0 - 0 winning streak, but Yunjin knew that she was slacking and it was just like the coach said; âYou are physically on the field, but whereâs your head?â Her head was stuck on her best friend possibly falling for someone who wasnât her, her head was stuck on thinking about losing someone she loved to Chaewon.
âIâm sorry coach, I will get myself together for the next game.â She apologised, ready to stand up and as she did she was stopped.
âIf you donât I wonât have a choice but to bench you and make Chaewon the captain.âÂ
Yunjin knew that it was all her fault. She should be able to put up that facade she had made when she was on the field to not let her emotions get the best of her when playing.Â
It was impossible to put away the mess of emotions inside her though and even hanging out with Y/n wasnât making them go away. All she could think about was how her world was starting to crumble.Â
Would Chaewon unintentionally take everything away from her simply because she couldnât keep her composure and untie her tongue?
That seemed to be the last straw and the door burst open at the worst moment possible.
The second half was almost halfway done, 0 - 0 and she could feel the pressure of her complicated emotions and the coachâs words together with an expectant crowd. Was she just about to lose again? That anger she had towards herself for not being able to do what she needed was starting to seep through and make her take it out the wrong way.Â
Yunjin found it unfair; she had been playing for ages for the schoolâs team and was being threatened with being replaced by Chaewon. It felt even more unfair that someone she had known for years and loved for almost just as many would be Chaewonâs. The situation she was in was against her and it wasnât fair considering the amount of love she had for Y/n.
The ball was passed to Chaewon as they were attacking the goal, at least the intention from the midfielder was to pass it to Chaewon who would forward the ball to the captain for an assist. That was until Yunjinâs overwhelming emotions got the best of her and she stole the ball right before it touched the second strikerâs foot. It caused her shoulder to bump into Chaewonâs. It was harsh enough to have Chaewon almost stumble to the grass, barely catching herself with the tips of her fingers while continuing towards the goal.
At the back of her head, Yunjin still remembered her words and her morals; she would always prioritise the whole team to make sure they won over her desires.Â
That wasnât the case this time because if it hadnât been for Yunjinâs anger that turned her selfish they would have scored. What they got in return was the captain getting squeezed by two defenders and tumbling onto the grass before the whistle was blown and their chance of scoring was lost.Â
The wet grass she had fallen onto left a taste of metallic anguish in her mouth while the scent of dirt lingered by her nose. The force had left her lungs to burn, but she was overwhelmed by her frustrations to feel the actual pain.
âAre you okay? What was that about?âÂ
She harshly wiped the sweat off her brow to not get any in her eyes and her hard glare landed on Chaewon who was panting for air while extending her hand to help the captain up.
The girl was nothing but a good sport even if what happened wasnât slightly her fault. Everything was Yunjinâs fault and always would be, wouldnât it? Losing her title, losing the girl she loved, and wasting opportunities; were all Yunjinâs fault.
Confusion lingered in Chaewonâs gaze as Yunjin shoved her hand away. âLeave me alone, Chaewon.â Yunjin wished and hoped that the girl would disappear fully from her life no matter how perfect she was. It only made her wish that much more for the girl to disappear as she got up on her own, holding onto her knees as she leaned over.
Yunjin tightly shut her eyes, trying to muffle everything and everyone, feeling the tears trickle from her eyes as they stung her warm cheeks. The team surrounded her, worrying pats on her back and questions were thrown her way. She did it all on her own and she knew it. Yunjin spat out the blood in her mouth as she bit into her lip when colliding with the grass.
The only thing that snapped her out of it was the coachâs voice and she shrugged everyone off of her. Her shoulder once again bumped Chaewonâs who she didnât spare a second glance at while wiping the blood off her lip. The lump was hurting her throat, making her want to burst out in tears the same second she reached the woman in front of her.Â
âYouâre off the field, I will talk with you after.â Yunjin scoffed, ready to walk towards the bench. âKim!â She was stopped though as her shoulder was grabbed and she looked at her coach.Â
âI told you about the consequences, Huh, hand the armband over to Kim.âÂ
Her jaw clenched, fighting the tears that wanted to spill as she felt blow after blow hit her where it hurt the most with things she loved the most.Â
Yunjinâs trembling fingers tore the armband off of her as she snivelled and turned just in time as Chaewon jogged over to them. She didnât say a word nor did she wait for what Chaewon had to say as she opened her mouth; Yunjin shoved it into the girlâs chest with a huff, making Chaewon stumble before it fell to the grass and she walked away.Â
It was somewhere between humiliating and not as her emotions blinded her while she walked off the field and past the bleachers, past everyone she knew and she didnât stop. Yunjin couldnât stop because the closer to the lockers that she got the more sobs started to spill from her lips.Â
There was nothing else that she wanted to do but to love Y/n yet she hated how love made her feel like she was floating and then as if she was falling on her way to crash to her death.Â
She had yet to cry about it, Yunjin had been suppressing every little bit of pain she had felt, and she had been suffering without shedding any tears. It was something she had gotten good at just like she was good at suppressing her feelings, letting them build up inside until she was choking on them. Her choked sobs echoed through the empty locker room as she cried into her palms, sitting on the bench.
âJenâŠCan I come in?â
She looked up, her eyes falling on the door where Y/nâs soft voice came from behind. Yunjin snivelled, trying to figure out if seeing Y/n would make her feel better or worse. She knew that it would be the first, but she also knew it would push her tears further. The striker wiped at her eyes while mumbling a loud enough âyeahâ to her best friend.Â
What she knew was that Y/n wouldnât come in and assume how she was feeling, she wouldnât pity her, she wouldnât lie to her, and she wouldnât invalidate the way she felt. Y/n would offer her comfort, let her find solace in her and simply listen to her.Â
The problem was that she couldnât tell Y/n how she felt, there was nothing she could let off her chest when it all was about the cheerleader whose shoulder she was crying on.
âDo you need anything?â Yunjin shook her head as she didnât want anything but Y/n who was right beside her. It made her body shake as she cried, aware of the fact that she was crying because she finally had a way of letting out all these suppressed feelings and that what happened was the final push.Â
She couldn't hold it anymore, it was making her body tremble and she felt weak because of the exhaustion she felt from holding everything to herself.
Her eyes stayed shut as she cried in the crook of Y/nâs neck with her fingers tangled in the girlâs top. She dwelled in the feeling of Y/n rubbing her back with one hand as the other gently massaged her scalp. Yunjin knew that she would never lose this, but she would never be able to call Y/n hers and that brought her pain even if Y/n could soothe it.Â
âIâm always here for you, I will always listen to whatever you have on your mind, Jen, Iâm here to just be a shoulder to cry on too.âÂ
She took in shuddering breaths, trying her best to calm down as she listened to the girlâs words, but somehow they made it worse. The kinder Y/n was, the more she cared; the more Yunjin fell and the harder the impact of the fall was. It hurt to fall because she didnât tell Y/n the truth and had no one to catch her.Â
âI hate it when you cry, Jen. I donât want to see you hurting.â Yunjin knew that Y/n wasnât stupid. One thing Yunjin knew was that her best friend knew her well enough to know that more than what happened on the field bothered her.Â
It was enough for Yunjin to find the comfort that she needed without having to tell Y/n what it was because the girl was aware that it was more even if she didnât know exactly what it was.
âThank youâŠâ She mumbled, slowly pulling away from the girl as she wiped away the remaining tears on her cheeks.Â
There was so much she wanted to thank Y/n for, there was so much she wanted to tell her yet when she looked up from her lap and at her best friend she couldnât bring herself to risk it. Her lips parted and they meekly left her lips, moving but barely as she couldnât tell them loud enough for anyone but her soul to hear.
She watched how the corners of Y/nâs lips tugged up and the girl reached her hand up to her face. It made Yunjinâs ears ring from how her heart started to beat. âYouâre so stupid, Jenââ A breathless chuckle left Y/nâs lips and the ginger swallowed, her eyes not being able to meet Y/nâs gaze. After all, it always felt like they were trying to tempt Yunjin, trying their best to coax those suppressed feelings out.
Y/n made it feel like the easiest thing in the world; there was no one easier to love than Y/n and so those words were easy to say to the girl.Â
Yunjin was the one who made it the most difficult thing in the world; there was nothing harder than risking someone so easy to love.Â
âItâs gonna be swollen, idiot.â Yunjin winced, pulling her face away from Y/nâs hold after the girl's thumb pushed against the side of her lower lip. The pain only kicked in now as she looked at the little blood it left on Y/nâs thumb.Â
âIâm sorry for being tackled, I guess.â She grumbled, making Y/n roll her eyes.Â
There was yet another knock on the door that interrupted them and Y/n stood up, walking over to the door. The ginger watched her open the door which made her look down when she saw who was on the other side.
âI will be back with ice.â Chaewon nodded at the girl who gave her a small smile as she grabbed the door to hold it while Y/n stepped outside. Her eyes stayed on the cheer captain for a second who walked away before she stepped inside and let the door fall closed.Â
There was an awkward tension lingering in the air as she leaned against the door and finally looked at Yunjin who was staring down at the tiled floor under her cleats. Chaewon cleared her throat as she was there for two reasons. There was no way she could just let this go, not after what happened on the field.Â
Chaewon took a seat beside Yunjin, her hands holding onto the edge of the bench as she looked at her cleats. With a deep breath that she released right after she looked at the girl who was still avoiding looking at her.
âYunjin, did I do something?â There was no reason to wait around because no one would fix this for them. Chaewon didnât like where it had ended because she hadnât even known it was heading this way. As far as she knew there was no bad blood between them, however, she had a hunch about what it could be from Yunjinâs side.
âWhat?â The girl finally looked up, her lashes still wet, the blood dry on the corner of her lip. Chaewon pursed her lips, feeling sympathy for what her teammate and friend went through, from the fall to being ripped off the title of the team captain in front of everyone.Â
âI feel like that anger was aimed at me and Iâm not sure what I did, however, Iâm willing to apologise if I truly did something to upset you.â She didnât know exactly what it was, she could assume, but she wanted to know exactly what it was from Yunjin herself. Chaewon was willing to apologise for it because she could tell that it was more than the frustrations of pressure and feeling the need to win the game.Â
Chaewon pissed Yunjin off with how nice she was, with how good she was because all Yunjin wanted to do was resent her, but it was impossible to resent someone who hadnât done anything and was clueless about Yunjinâs feelings for the cheerleader. Y/n herself didnât know.Â
Her eyes looked over Chaewon as they stared at each other in silence.
Yunjin huffed and looked away, wiping away the remnants of tears on her lashes. The momentary silence let her consider what she should tell the girl. The consideration of telling Chaewon the truth about being in love with Y/n laid heavily on the scale as she wanted to lean towards it.
âIs it about Y/n?â Chaewon scratched at the back of her neck as Yunjin looked back at her after she broke the silence between them. She couldnât help but feel like it could have been about the girl she liked.Â
She cleared her throat as Yunjin was looking at her with wide yet confused eyes. The words that she pushed out from between her lips werenât easy to say aloud even if it was easy to like Y/n.Â
Chaewon still did it, âI like her, yes, but Iâm not trying to hog or steal your best friend. Iâm sorry if I may have been taking away from your time together, but those arenât my intentionsâŠY/n will always be your best friend and I will never try to replace that.â Her hands dropped to her lap as she looked between them and Yunjin.Â
Chaewon was aware of how much time she had been spending with Y/n both at school and outside of it whether they were planned dates or spontaneous hangouts. It wasnât intentional; she liked Y/n and was trying her best to get to know her and possibly spark interest from the cheerleaderâs side too. They had known each other for a good two months and she hoped to soon enough take the next step.
Yunjin sighed and looked in front of her to blink away the tears that wanted to fall again as those emotions were still faintly swirling around her head. That was the problem, wasnât it? She would always be Y/nâs best friend. That was exactly the problem and she hated it even if she cherished the fact that Y/n was her best friend and the other way around.
âItâsâItâs not that Chaewon, we still hang out like we used toââ This was her chance even if it would be selfish to say it now that the girl beside her had been seeing Y/n. It would either spark competition between them or make Chaewon step back.
It still came with the same risks, the ones that made her overthink and back down. âItâs just the stress getting to me with these games, aiming for nationals and hopefully getting scouted along the way.â Her hands gripped the material of her shorts, angry with herself once again for refusing to say what she wanted. She would only be able to blame herself once it would be too late.
âOkay, I was worried it mightâve been that. Iâm trying my best and hoping that she likes me enough so that I can ask her out to officially dateâŠYou think she would say yes?â
Chaewon was making it hard to stay collected once again and she managed to pull off a smile through the stinging in her chest.Â
âThereâs only one way to find out, Chaewon.â The girl beside her let out a breathless chuckle as she nodded while Yunjin felt stupid for saying those words to someone else, but yet she refused to listen to them herself.
âAlso.â She looked up at Chaewon who got up to stand in front of her.
âI loved being captain back in Austin, but I could never accept thisââ She watched her tear off the armband with the C on it before she held it out in front of Yunjin. âYouâre a great captain Yunjin, you deserve to have it more than me or anyone else on the team. I never wanted to put it on, especially not that wayâŠI will talk to the coach.âÂ
âThank you, Chaewon.â
If only she could curse Chaewon out for making everything so much harder as she accepted the captain's armband back.Â
Despite the small commotion on the field, they had won 1 - 0.Â
Chaewon couldnât help but feel like each day everything about this transfer felt better and brighter. She missed home, her old friends and everything else, but it all was being filled. It was a drastic change she thought would cause more damage than good however, she had been wrong.
After every game they won they found themselves at the beach and this time was no different. It served as a way for her to take time and reflect and see where she was now compared to when she was at the beach for the first time after just starting.
It felt less empty, there wasnât as much confusion, she felt that emptiness within her after leaving a part of herself behind slowly get filled; building a new part in its place. There was a new home being built in her, that fear of alienation disappearing and she now longed after the familiarity of the new people she had grown close to. They were the ones who made her feel at home.
Home is where the heart lies; Chaewon never left her heart back in Austin.
She was feeling quite at home, slowly finding a place to call home as she leaned back against her palms, Y/n leaning against her shoulder that was behind the cheer captain. It had taken less than a month to find a place to settle in and around two months to settle and let her heart pump warmth to keep her home warm. It made Chaewon smile at how naturally it was all falling into place.Â
The gentle crackling of the fireplace filled the air together with talk and laughter from the rest. The scent of the fire wasnât as overwhelming when Y/n rested her head on her shoulder, her arm resting over Chaewonâs leg and fingers drawing circles on her knee.Â
The cheerleader talked to the others while Chaewon rested her cheek against Y/nâs, letting the sweet scent and warmth in. It had become her new favourite one; it was the only one she knew just by entering a room right after the girl. It let her know that she would feel at home.Â
âThe starry sky suits you.â She mumbled, feeling the girl who was leaning against her chuckle.Â
âAre you trying to disgust Yeonjun?â Chaewon huffed at that and looked over at the guy who was already making a face at their closeness.Â
âHeâs the biggest anti-romantic on this planet.â Her eyes fell on Y/n who looked up at her with a teasing smile.
âSo youâre trying to be romantic?â
âIf itâs working, then yes.â She smiled as Y/n giggled and looked back at Jimin and Kazuha who called for her attention. Her heart raced with warmth as she watched Y/n continue to trace patterns along her knee while talking.Â
Chaewon knew that there was no need to wait any longer, there was a garden of feelings growing in her chest for Y/n and she needed to let them out before she would suffocate. She needed to tell Y/n how she felt before she could start hurting from suppressing it in her.
Yunjin found herself walking back towards her group of friends after trailing off and standing alone in the cold sand with the wind blowing through what felt like holes in her body. Those same holes were ones she filled with the love she had for Y/n, the same feelings she suppressed until she was choking on them.
It took her all these years to realise that the longer she refused to express her feelings towards the girl the more it would hurt, it would hurt whether or not anyone else was in the picture or not.Â
It was a punishment for keeping it inside her when she could have let her feelings grow because they were beautiful yet she suppressed them and let them cramp up inside her until it was burning her lungs.
Each time her throat closed up was because of something she felt but refused to say.
Love didnât have to be painful, it had all along been her choice to make it hurt.
Yunjin had been hurting herself.
Her eyes scanned her group of friends, her hands in her pockets as she poked her tongue at the wound on the side of her lip. She knew that the heavy beating she felt in her chest mixed with an acidic sting when her eyes landed on her best friend and Chaewon could turn into the former alone if she confessed her love.Â
Yunjin realised that even if she were to get rejected it wouldnât hurt as much to see Y/n with someone else after. She realised where the problem lay; it was suppressing her feelings that hurt and not fearing them.
The only cure to be able to breathe normally again was to let her feelings flow out through her mouth instead of cramping them inside her lungs. She knew despite everything there was only one choice.
Yunjin walked over to the two as there was only one spot left which was beside Y/n who was wearing the captainâs varsity jacket; two, Chaewonâs resting in the girlâs lap. The longer she stared at the campfire in front of her the hotter her eyes felt as the realisation was starting to lift weights off of her chest and she knew what she truly had to do.Â
It all opened up her cramped space for those feelings in her chest, growing like a floral garden, each petal, each flower being something she felt for Y/n. It was all the flowers she wanted to give to the girl and she knew that she would as she felt Y/nâs pinky intertwine with hers on the blanket.Â
Yunjin wasnât going to wait any longer as she glanced at Y/n, knowing that it was the girl she wanted to give all the flowers in the world to. All those flowers she had been dying from because of how much it all had grown in her chest without giving what she should have given to Y/n ages ago.
She was in love with her best friend and she was done with suppressing what was beautiful.
Remnants of adrenaline coursed through Yunjinâs body as they officially made it to the quarter-finals. Her heart continued to pound even after she had changed and she knew that it was more than just the high of qualifying. She had hurt enough because of love and she wanted to continue to love without the part where it hurt every time she didnât express herself.
It felt like time was ticking away, especially after seeing how much closer Chaewon was to the girl yet Yunjin couldnât help but feel like there was something between her and Y/n. That she hadnât been living in a make-believe world this whole time and that their skinny love was true and Yunjin would take the step to turn it into love.Â
The only thing she was losing was time she could have loved Y/n in more than silence.
âOkay, Iâm just gonna find my dad to get the keys to his car.â Yunjin looked over her shoulder as she pulled her varsity jacket out of her locker to see Chaewon sling her duffle bag over her shoulder. She gave Chaewon a terse smile when the girl sent her one first before averting her gaze.
âI will meet you at the parking lot after.âÂ
âI will try to make it on time.â The second striker chuckled at Yujinâs words who walked after her with crutches. Chaewon opened the door and held it for the injured girl before leaving in a hurry. The door fell closed after them, the rest of the team keeping up their chatter.
Yunjin slung the bag over her shoulder and held the jacket under her arm to give it to Y/n like she always did. This time she hoped she could give it without it being platonic. With that, she bid goodbye to whoever she wasnât going to see later and left the locker room.
She walked through the empty halls of the sports wing, hoping to bump into Y/n while she rummaged for her phone in the bag. Undoubtedly it felt like she was about to have a heart attack with how much it hurt when her heart started colliding with her ribcage, a faint lightheadedness clouding her as she did her best to take deep breaths.Â
This wasnât because she was afraid to express her feelings anymore, but because she was finally going to take the step to do something she had wanted for years. This was the excitement that was so similar to the fear that she almost mixed it up once again.
Yunjin couldnât waste more time, Y/n wasnât someone she wanted to make wait when she deserved every last drop of love Yunjin could give her.
The lack of a reply was making Yunjinâs nerves spike because she wanted to do it now and not wait a second longer. To get all these fears behind. Her fingers fidgeted with the jacket in her hands, glancing at her phone as she waited for a reply, aware that the girl often took longer in the changing room or wouldnât have her phone right at hand.Â
It wasnât the first time Yunjin waited for a reply, but this time felt like ages as she leaned against the wall not far from the entrance of the basketball court. It was making her jittery, shifting on her legs as it was hard to stand still with all those petals and flowers tickling her stomach and lungs; Yunjin would burst if she wouldnât let these things flow out for Y/n to hear at last.
Her phone screen lit up and she looked towards the entrance of the basketball court that burst open to see the cheerleader walk out with her eyes on the phone screen. Yunjin pushed herself up from the wall, her hands clutching onto the jacket to occupy her fingers and hold onto something to not back down once again.
âJen!â She smiled as Y/n looked up from the phone and caught her presence right away.Â
âCongratulations on qualifying, you guys did so well. You were perfect on the field.â Yunjin bit down on her lower lip at the words that were causing everything to overgrow in her chest. She could feel it pushing up by force this time, the garden didnât want to wait; it was too beautiful to keep cramped up inside her. She needed to let Y/n know how much she loved her.
How in love she was.
âThank you, we did our best, butââ The captain cleared her throat, feeling all those familiar feelings and pains she usually did because of how she suppressed her words. This time it came with reassurance to herself that she was going to do it.Â
She took a deep breath as Y/n tilted her head, a small frown of confusion and Yunjin felt it all wash over her, this time melting and letting herself get coaxed by Y/nâs beautiful eyes when the cheerleader grabbed hold of her hands. That reassuring warmth of Y/nâs touch she always felt and got from the girl reminded her of how it would be fine.
It was clear to Yunjin that her overwhelmed body and nervousness lingered in the air and that Y/n could sense it. This time she let herself get lost in the comfort, the solace and trust Y/n brought her.
âThereâs this thing I really want to tell you, Y/n.â She got a nod in response, thumbs brushing over her knuckles and she slid one hand out of Y/nâs grasp to nervously play with the pendant of her necklace.Â
Yunjin could feel her mind drift off and she was aware that it would be a blur until it was over as she cleared her throat once again to try and get rid of the scratching she felt because of her nerves.Â
âAnything, Jen.â
âThereâs so much that I want to tell you and have wanted to say probably since we started high school, and I have always hesitated for even more reasonsâŠâ Her eyes searched for something to look at yet all she could look at was Y/n who was right in front of her. That frown on her face slowly disappeared the more Yunjin managed to ramble and push out, hoping that somewhere between these lines the words âIâm in love with youâ would come out.Â
The pounding of her heart was muffling everything for her and it was warm. âI think that the biggest is the fact that youâre my best friend and I would never want to ruin that in any way.âÂ
She released yet another sigh and let her hand fall, clutching onto the side of her jeans. Yunjin couldnât remember if she had ever been this anxious, the heat was coursing up to her face and ears and there was a faint buzzing in her ears. This was Yunjin facing her biggest fears and she knew that once she did it she would feel ecstatic.Â
âItâs just thatâItâs really hard to keep it to myself and I managed to keep it for years now. But, I canât keep doing that because I always end upâŠhurting.â She inhaled once again, forgetting to breathe between her sentences. It was overwhelming with how much was on the line and she felt like crying because of the waves of emotions washing over her without a stop.Â
She was desperate to tell Y/n that she was in love and even more desperate for the girl to feel the same. The longer it took the more her voice quivered and she still fought to avoid these negative thoughts and doubts that tried to hit her like they always did.
Her mind was in too big of a daze to take her time and read Y/nâs expression, the girl was looking at her with those usual soft eyes, letting her know that it was fine. That was all Yunjin needed to know to continue talking.Â
It would be fine and Y/n would never hurt her.
âThereâs so much and I donât know what to start with or what exactly to say, but the thing Iâve always wanted to say the most, knowing that I can trust you as my best friend is that,â her last breath and it was right at the tip of her tongue.Â
Y/n was her best friend and she could always trust her with anything and it would never matter what it was. Yunjin knew that she could trust her with her feelings and heart and tell her those words.
âY/n, Iâm painfully inââ
âI found the keys. I dropped them under one of the benches.â
It made Yunjin flinch when the door to the basketball court flew open, her heart hammering so quickly it was making her nauseous and she felt like fainting. Her blurred vision cleared as it landed on Chaewon who walked out from the court. The hold on her hand disappeared as Y/n looked over her shoulder at the other soccer player who walked towards them.Â
Yunjinâs lips parted as did Y/nâs who was about to reply to Chaewon who walked up to them, fixing the duffle bag slung across her chest. Was she supposed to ask Chaewon to leave so she could continue?Â
She was right there, she had practically said those words and it was the closest she had ever been. Yunjin was about to grasp her dream, she was so close that she was touching it with the tips of her fingers.
Could she ask Chaewon who wrapped her arm around Y/nâs waist with an even bigger and giddier smile to leave? Yunjin did everything in her power to avoid looking at Y/n, being able to feel the girlâs gaze on her face. It finally settled in her head that Y/n was already wearing a jacket; Chaewonâs jacket.Â
âI got the courage and asked Y/n out, so weâre officially dating now.â It made Yunjin let out a breath as she nodded along to the information. She bit her lower lip, digging her teeth into it to prevent her eyes from getting wet. She was doing everything in her power to distract herself to not let herself shed tears.
Yunjin kept her composure during one of the worst moments of her life yet everything on the inside was suffocating her, it was growing around her heart. Yunjin could feel the thorns from the garden dig into the muscle making it bleed out and everything felt lifeless and heavy around her. So close, but her dream slipped right through her fingers.
There was one thing Yunjin couldnât forget though, not in this moment or any other moment because Y/n always came first. It didnât matter how much Yunjin was hurting, if she was being swallowed by pain, being torn apart from the inside with a lump in her throat that made it ache.
It didnât matter if she felt like crying, she could wait just like she had done all these years. The worst that could happen if she waited was that she would drown in misery, but she had grown used to it, hadnât she?
âThatâsâIâm happy for you two.â She would always remember to be happy for Y/n. Y/nâs happiness would forever be Yunjinâs happiness even if the cheerleader's happiness was making her nose prickle and her eyes sting, unable to breathe from the tight grip those thorny stems had on her heart, squeezing.
Her dream had always been to make Y/n happy and dreams meant sacrificing even if it was a piece of herself. There was nothing greater she could sacrifice for Y/n than her heart in the end.
Yunjin glanced over to Y/n at last, feeling pain shoot through her heart and she hugged the jacket closer to her to try and ease it. She looked away from Y/nâs face, those beautiful eyes holding nothing but concern now.Â
Yunjin decided that it would be best if she and hopefully Y/n forgot that she even started this conversation. It was the day her world crumbled into dust in the end and she didnât want to remember that.Â
She would rather remember it as the day Y/n found happiness in someone even if it wasnât Yunjin.
Yunjin wanted to remember how much she loved Y/n and not the moment her heart broke because she loved her.Â
âWeâre taking my dad's truck. Want a ride orâŠâ Her eyes nervously darted around as they fell on Chaewon who still had a smile on her face. She opened her mouth and searched for words all while feeling everything within her slowly go numb from pain the longer they stood in front of her.Â
âOh, Iâmâno, itâs fine, I have my car.â Her voice couldnât stop trembling and her gaze fell to the floor at last, unable to look Chaewon and especially not Y/n in the eye. It was all crashing down on her and she knew that she would break any second.
âOkay, see you there then, Yunjin.â She nodded her head and stepped aside, stopping by the wall as they walked past her.Â
Yunjin bit her lower lip as her breathing picked up and the prickling in her nose was painful enough for the tears to fall at last. The bag on her shoulder slid down and she let it fall to the floor as she leaned against the wall to try and ground herself. She snivelled and wiped at her eyes with the jacket she planned to give to Y/n and her gaze still fell on them as she hugged it closer for comfort because she couldnât go to Y/n with this anguish.
She watched her friend and best friend walk away, taking a turn and Y/nâs worried eyes met hers for a split second when the girl looked over her shoulder before disappearing.Â
There was no holding back as she slid down the wall and pulled her knees to her chest, burying her face into the jacket while hugging them to seek some type of solace and salvation for the pain. Her tears hot tears spilled onto the jacket that she had saved for Y/n, but would now only serve to soak up tears.
If only she had found Yn first. She had because she had found Y/n years ago, but Chaewon was the one to finish first. Yunjin had been stalling all these years and when she finally decided that she was going to get Yn, someone swept the girl away right before her eyes. She had loved Y/n for all those years and now she would have to live with the regret of not telling her right from the start.Â
She could silently brew resentment towards Chaewon for sweeping the person she had built dreams around right from under her feet.
Or maybe she should be thankful to Chaewon for saving her from possibly losing her best friend. One she would never be able to replace if her confession went wrong or even if it went right. She was sure that her best friend would stay no matter what because she could trust Y/n. Yet she tried to convince herself that she couldnât know that and that it had been reasonable to hold back.Â
She knew that it hadnât been, she just wanted to ease the way her heart was beingtormented.Â
The worst part wasnât that she was too late though, but that she would never get to know if Y/n felt the same. If all those gestures were friendly or if they held a deeper meaning like Yunjinâs did. The worst part was that Yunjin would never get to know if they could ever have been more than best friends.
It was all Yunjinâs fault.
masterlist
a/n note; hi if you made it to the end :) thank you for reading/reblogging/leaving a note and appreciating my work. it means so much and motivates me further as i always try my best, hoping you peeps liked it. love you and can't wait to post more for yall <3