#this is all too much i dont know how to cope w this. what am i supposed to do now

[angeltrapz]

you ever remember one (1) thing & suddenly it's like you've opened the floodgates

#i didnt want to know all of this #this is all too much i dont know how to cope w this. what am i supposed to do now #i cant even tell anyone about it #connor.vtxt #i really really dont want to put my mom thru that. considering its all abt my birth father #i dont want her to blame herself for not noticing or getting me away from him. the courts said he had to see me & i never told #but now i feel like i have to tell my sisters mom bc the possibility that he put her thru the same thing makes me sick to my stomach #i know it will cause a MASSIVE shitstorm and i dont think im ready for that #everything is too much and i need it to stop for a second #csa tw #(kind of. not mentioned directly but yk)

[toastsnaffler]

prev post reminds me a friend told me last week she doesnt believe i actually struggle with emotional volatility/dysregulation like ive mentioned before bc shes never seen it firsthand...............

#i dont even know what to tell u girl. i couldnt even give her examples to dispute it bc i find it so shameful and difficult to talk abt #and it would probably be upsetting to her to hear the sort of things that have triggered me. and how ive coped with the outbursts #as if i dont structure all social interaction in my life around trying to swallow this shit down so ppl find me just about tolerable enough #genuinely hurtful thing to hear from someone i care abt. im not upset at her anymore abt it bc what would be the point man #i can understand why she thinks that + i cant control what she believes. but it did bother me a lot + some trust has been lost there. #esp considering she struggles w getting ppl to believe her when she talks abt how she feels bc she doesnt necessarily express it outwardly #in ways other ppl expect. like since ik that im always going to try to assume shes being honest so i dont disrespect how she feels #but its hypocritical + more than a little unfair to not offer other people the same trust + respect. why wont u take me at face value #and anyway why the hell would i say i struggle w controlling my emotions if i dont. what clout am i getting from claiming that #even admitting it is a hard thing for me.... and if thats too much for her to accept it just becomes a barrier in our friendship. #shame but i shouldve expected it tbh. anyway its ok ive moved on no point dwelling on it i dont want to bring it up again #bc theres nothing to gain from it. an apology wouldnt change anything since thats what she genuinely thinks #and whatever she wants to believe doesnt change the fact it is True and likely the biggest cause of strife I experience in my life #blegh stopping there bc im edging into rumination now #god im so tired. bedtime soon i think but maybe ill play a quick game or smth to make it to 10pm.... this week has been so long #.diaries

[starofhisheart]

This scene in s2 w Ed and Frenchie

Parallels with this scene w Ed and Izzy from s1

(Had to snip a part out so it would fit but at first Izzy denies and then he actually tries, albeit begrudgingly.)

I always thought the scene with Izzy was showing how disconnected the pair are and while I still think that, the s2 scene shines new light on that original interaction. Where Izzy is trying to understand his boss, Frenchie doesnt even try and only denies. This is understandable ofc with everything Ed has put him and his friends through but its just interesting how they chose to parallel the scenes. Here, Frenchie has just become first mate and its almost like Ed hopes he'll be a sort of Izzy stand-in or at least falls back on his usual rapport with his first mate. But Frenchie is not Izzy. And this parallel highlights that.

I've had theories about how Ed sees Izzy and s2 has given us so much food for thought. When Izzy directly asks him "Who am I to you?" Ed softly says "what", like he's not even sure himself. The look on his face is blank but almost imploring and unsure. Izzy is just...Izzy. Friend? Lover? Thats too complicated and yet not as complicated as their relationship with each other. Izzy has clearly thought about it but has Ed? They've been together for so long ("I've been cleaning up your messes my whole fucking life.") without communicating their feelings. Bc thats what pirates do right? They dont have time for soft things like feelings.

But then Ed goes off and finds a new lover unlike any of his others and Izzy panics. Stede is a threat to their way of life, unsafe-at least thats how Izzy sees it-and then its over and Ed is breaking, depressed and then pretending to be ok

TW: suicide discussion

-and to speak on that specific point some more, I subscribe to the belief that post Lucius-talk-Ed where he's planning music shows, etc is not him coping healthily. We see this paralleled in s2 where after Izzy is "dead" Ed puts his hair up, starts cleaning and seems "chipper". But then we know he's planning to kill himself and everyone on board that same day. So this whole charade feels...macabre. He's getting his affairs in order in preparation for the big deed. Depression CAN look like this too.

When Izzy confesses he has love for Ed he says it haltingly, like its hard to even get the words out, like he's never said anything like this before (and he probably hasn't). And the words he chooses too. Instead of "I love you" he says "I have love for you". Its like he's saying after everything, all the pain and heartache, I still have love for you. But Ed refuses to, can't hear what Izzy is saying, and dismisses his confession. Perhaps he thinks this is a ploy too. After all he's unlovable right?

But we know from later scenes that Ed does love Izzy

in his own way. Some may interpret this line as platonic, some romantic-but I think it's more complicated than that. Again, Izzy and Ed have been together for so long the lines have blurred. They love each other like a brother. They're partners. They hate each other. They're an extension of each other. They're coworkers. Boss and right hand man. They can't imagine being without the other.

Well, whatever they feel for each other its capital C complicated that's for sure.

I have so many thoughts about ✨️them✨️ but I'll leave it here for now. No hate in the comments pls. Both men are my lil meows meows and have done nothing (and everything) wrong. Love those gay dudes fr.

#ofmd #ofmd s2 spoilers #ofmd s2 #our flag means death #edizzy #edward teach #frenchie #blackhands #izzy hands #ed x izzy #tw suicide

[im-657-mv]

yandere alphabet mike wheeler

[requested]

-[A]ffection-

How do they show their love and affection? How intense would it get?

it can be hard for him to express his emotions sometimes

but trust me, he would do anything for you

he can be distant at times but he hates when you talk to other people

-[B]lood-

How messy are they willing to get when it comes to their darling?

honestly i can't see him doing anything remotely harmful to others

he plays more with emotions

so no i don;t think he would kill another human

-[C]ruelty-

How would they treat their darling once abducted? Would they mock them?

he wouldn't know what to do

plus you're probably a crying mess and he's just standing there

just watching you

he would try his best though to make you "comfortable" by his own definition

-[D]arling-

Aside from abduction, would they do anything against their darling’s will?

yes but i dont think he could if he wanted

he is an awkward person and i think he would rather just watch

and lets be honest here this man is clueless

-[E]xposed-

How much of their heart do they bare to their darling? How vulnerable are they when it comes to their darling?

none

he just wants to hear about you

you and only you

-[F]ight-

How would they feel if their darling fought back?

pissed

not really like fuming angry just more of disappointed

why? why would you leave his safe presence?

-[G]ame-

Is this a game to them? How much would they enjoy watching their darling try to escape?

no

he just genuinely loves you

he wants your everything

and he wants you safe, from other people

and things

-[H]ell-

What would be their darling’s worst experience with them?

him kidnapping you

he would be physically dominating and would probably accidentally hurt you in some way or another

and he would definitely knock you out with a frying pan or something

-[I]deals-

What kind of future do they have in mind for/with their darling?

you safe in his arms, away from all the chaos in both of your lives

somewhere warm and cozy

-[J]ealousy-

Do they get jealous? Do they lash out or find a way to cope?

oh definitely

this man sees you with another person and immediately his nostrils start flaring

and he would definitely pull you away from whatever conversation you were having just so he can be with you

-[K]isses-

How do they act around or with their darling?

surprisingly sweet

but quiet...

-[L]ove letters-

How would they go about courting or approaching their darling?

stalking lol

very protective and jealous

and kinda forceful when you actually go into a "relationship"

loves holding your hand too

-[M]ask-

Are their true colors drastically different from the way they act around everyone else?

no

he's cold, jealous, protective, and easily aggravated

-[N]aughty-

How would they punish their darling?

isolation

he would probably lock you in his basement until you behaved properly

-[O]ppression-

How many rights would they take away from their darling?

the right to have friends

why would you want to talk to anyone other than him?

-[P]atience-

How patient are they with their darling?

surprisingly patient

-[Q]uit-

If their darling dies, leaves, or successfully escapes, would they ever be able to move on?

god no

he would hunt you down until you're by his side

-[R]egret-

Would they ever feel guilty about abducting their darling? Would they ever let their darling go?

no

-[S]tigma-

What brought about this side of them (childhood, curiosity, etc)?

the feeling of needing someone there

and also because of everything

he has to protect you

even if you hate him for it

-[T]ears-

How do they feel about seeing their darling scream, cry, and/or isolate themselves?

as cold as he may seem

he hates seeing you in pain

-[U]nique-

Would they do anything different from the classic yandere?

no, just a classic yandere

-[V]ice-

What weakness can their darling exploit in order to escape?

you can definitely play up into being in love and gaining his trust

-[W]it’s end-

Would they ever hurt their darling?

no

he crosses many lines

but hurting you is not one of them

-[X]oanon-

How much would they revere or worship their darling? To what length would they go to win their darling over?

i dont think he would necessarily worship you

but he would try to pull you away from your friends

slowly but surely

-[Y]earn-

How long do they pine after their darling before they snap?

years

he loves you but he would hate to go to extreme lengths

-[Z]enith-

Would they ever break their darling?

yes but not on purpose

#yandere stranger things #stranger things #stranger things x male reader #gender neutral #mike wheeler x male reader #mike wheeler x reader #stranger things x reader #yandere mike wheeler #yandere mike wheeler x male reader

[mydemonsdrivealimo]

You know, I'm a lurker here, I used to spend a lot of time on tumblr, loved Choices, specially Open Heart. I also wrote lots of fanfics, with Bryce as MC, and today I logged in and... Can I just say how sad it made me read about Bryce having depression? Sad but also understood, because you read his character so well. Everyone writes him so simple, charming and non-chalant, happy-go-lucky; without realising he has a lot of issues. The thing with his parents it's BIG. The thing with Keiki is real stuff, but everyone writes him as if he just cares about his hair and surgeries, but he's more than that. So you writing about Bryce struggling, having his house a mess and not being able to do anything for it, and having a partner that helps him with it without recriminations... It just... Made my heart swell. It's what my MC would've done, because they have struggled pretty serious too. So. Yeah, thanks for this, for giving him humanity even if he's just a goddamn Choices' character. Bryce deserves the world. Deserves being supported in difficult times, so thank you for showing him in such a true light 🤍

have been screaming over this all morning bc YOU GET IT!!!

"even if he's just a goddamn choices character" THIS IS WHAT I MEAN. he is a short lived character in a mobile story app that is currently in its downfall. but he's the character i, and others, choose to write ab. choose to create for nearly every day. even though he IS just a choices character, what he represents, to me, is more than that. his character had so much potential (more than pb probs meant to give him) and like. i needed to do something w it

i am the first person to say a character has to have some good trauma for me to truly enjoy them, and he is exactly that. he has a fucked up family and somehow he came out of that "unscathed"? like all he is is a pretty surfer boy w good hair and obnoxious confidence? no!! that is coping baybeee. he is literally hated by so many people in canon and truly does not have many close friends besides mc. like. his character is SET UP for this shit. yeah im gonna pack him full of issues bc he HAS THEM!!

his dysthymia is a super important part of his story (in my hc) bc it is so easy to mask. he puts on a confident face for everyone all the time bc then they don't ask questions. but being at home alone all the time? being independent since 17-18? separating himself from his family so suddenly that it becomes habit for him to avoid the potential for that closeness again? it's gonna hurt him

and on top of that him being demiro is very hard in relationships bc most people dont get it so even in that sense it makes it difficult for him to make connections. people would rush him into relationships he didn't really care about so yea it was gonna crash and burn. obvi

so to have an unknown like that where all of his friends are possibly leaving including the only person he's every truly wanted in both a sexual And romantic way? not gonna go so smoothly for him

#i could go on but alas i am eepy. so. #n e ways thanks for this!! #bryces character is truly one of my favs in media #bc there is depth behind everything he does and why #and sure people are free to just take the surface layer #he has that surface layer for a reason. bc he doesnt Want people to see more than that #but actually creating characters who are able to see past that. that he ALLOWS to ask questions. yeah <3 #bryce lahela #asks answers #keep

[kurjakani]

FOR THE CHARACTER ASK THING!!!!! Im quite curious about your peter lucas thoughts, whats goin on with that old man?

SEND ME A CHARACTER AND I’LL DO THIS;

PHEW THANK YOU I LOVE TALKING ABT THIS MAN. I'm gonna say. I definetly have a bit of a version of him in my head - it's been ages since I listened to MAG and he's kind of taken a life of his own. Also sorry i got so rambly here man i. Ill b real im lik3 right abt to fall asleep but i got exited abt him so here i go nevertheless..m

Sexuality Headcanon: HMM like. Bi. I dont think i can imagine him call himself that tho.

Gender Headcanon: old man. Like thats a part of his gender identity, being old.

A ship I have with said character: w MEEEE. My mag self insert. Lol. But yeah i am not that into the lonely eyes ship, just. Bc i do not care abt Elias all that much! I don't know many ships that include him otherwise. I haven't seen mary keay and plukas shipping but I'd love to. Idk. Awful vibes i think it could be great. Salesa maybe??? But I feel like its more like. Plukas likes looking at Salesa and Salesa kinda forgets hes even there sometimes.

A BROTP I have with said character: martin please. Please martin hang out w him tricking him into thinking ur getting more into the lonely but ur actually occupying his space and u are drifting away from the lonely TOGETHER. Also if u guys have heard the tim & plukas behind the scenes jokes abt cayacking and train documentaries. Yeah that too theyre """"buddies""""

A NOTP I have with said character: haven't come across anything that bothers me !

A random headcanon: i am really split on weather he barely eats or if he's like, a lowkey foodie. Idk why.

General Opinion over said character: For me I do view him as someone HURT by his loneliness, though in the show, if I recall right, he seems quite content? With his existance. Or says he is, and how he's drawn to it.

I will say- I partially mirror some of my own experiences of loneliness onto him. I was so afraid of opening up to people at one point that I convinced myself that I WANTED to be all alone. I used to want to move into a little cottage in the woods and cut off all contact to people. But it was a self destructive coping mechanism. At points a survival mechanism. Maybe canonically Peter Lukas is a reliable narrator?

I recall him talking about the warm glow coming from the windows of houses though, and the loneliness it made him feel- if i'm attributing this right. And i have a really hard time contributing that to anything but YEARNING. And reveling in yearning. I also have experience w that. Yearning is a DELIGHTFUL feeling.

So yeah I think I do find a lot of comfort in the version of Plukas I have in my head.

Honestly he's burrowed a little nest into my head abd become something beyond a little blorbo from my shows.

Like i have thought about marrying him as a performance art piece. But i dont think rustied featherpen would like that.

Anyways hes the hands. I reach out to the old hands with swelled joints and paper thin skin almost translucent yet the palest veins i ever did see like they'v been drained. Bro. He is the medival manuscript where the sun orbits the earth and that's his eyes and where they land on me. He is so far away and like honey 2 me bro

#ask #TYSM #yk what ill expand on my thoughts when im done w my relisten #i defi feel like my plukas is just in my head. and thats ok but it is kinda funny

[samuelroukin]

might be a bit too personal of a question so feel free to ignore/delete but have you struggled w/ alcoholism? i think i remember you saying that you dont drink much anymore so i just wanted to ask for idk some kind of advice cuz i just cant manage to drop that shit. thanks in advance man

hi don't worry i don't mind talking about it, but i'll put it behind a cut for others bc this got kinda long and i don't want to trigger anyone

first off i wouldn't say i am or ever have been an alcoholic especially comparing myself to other people in my life but i've had periods where i was struggling with it, getting drunk most nights and even sometimes having a drink (or two) during the day if i had to do something i felt anxious about, it was def a crutch and i occasionally fall back into it but only for short times luckily. so have that in mind, my advice might not be that useful for you

so for me it was really mostly about realizing ok this is A Thing and i don't want to let it get too far, i was pairing it with some other really unhealthy habits and started noticing some side effects (other than money lmao)

so i kinda figured ok. you don't need to do this. every time you decide to buy a bottle of whatever that's the alcohol kinda whispering in ur ear like ohhh im so fun but in the long term it's only gonna make me feel like shit, both physically and mentally. so not having it in the house made it so i could go a couple days without it, and then cave again, feel like shit, repeat.

but by stretching that time before caving i could sit with it for better or worse like now what do i do? i feel bad but drinking is gonna make me feel a different kind of bad so that's not an option (today at least! there's always tomorrow for making worse choices, idk but having that in mind helped) and then i'd find ways to distract myself, something to do with your hands can be helpful but it depends on how much brain space you have. but it gets easier and easier, slowly but surely. it's cliche but at first it really is about having that bit of control to go even a day without. that shows you that you can do it, however short at first

and then in time i won't lie you'll have moments of missing it but it's like. i know the trade off and i know it's not worth it slipping into that again because in the end it doesn't help. it's a coping mechanism and you have to either replace it with something healthier or whatever, or deal with what's making you use it. for me personally it was (and is) depression and anxiety and just shit life syndrome which aren't easy to just fix but i know drinking is gonna make all of that worse and i know better ways to deal with my feelings (could be anything for you, some people like journaling or therapy and neither of those did shit for me so. but you gotta find something)

sorry this got kinda long and rambling, and i don't know how much help it really is. i never felt like i needed outside help so i don't have any clue how that works but i've heard from others that groups like aa (maybe not aa specifically cause i've heard some weird stuff about them) can be really good for more insight and accountability but idk on a personal level

#anon #asks

[drdemonprince]

Yes, that explanation completely makes sense! And I’m quite comfortable with disappointing people. I know for sure that I do it all of the time. I’m no stranger to rejection, either. I’m just in a really effing weird situation where someone isn’t properly rejecting me (I am deeply familiar what rejection feels like, and this ain’t it) so I have to adapt and just like, disappoint in new, similarly uncomfortable ways.

To be honest, it’s such a strange situation that I’ve grown to enjoy the challenge of adjusting to it. I’d much rather it make sense to me, and I hope that eventually it will, but I have no control over that right now, and that’s fine. The lack of control used to be quite painful and emotionally damaging, but now it’s often quite amusing. Sometimes stuff just doesn’t make sense, y’know? Especially when people are hiding the sense from you, and they don’t owe you any explanations.

It’s like “I’ve grown accustomed to your face” and the face is just someone being disappointed 🙃 I know people cut other people out of their lives for that sort of thing, but I care about this person more than I care about their apparent disappointment, so instead of “I hate myself for loving you,” it’s “I love myself for loving you.” Does that make sense to you?

Sorry for harping on about this, like I said, it’s just a very strange situation so I appreciate opportunities to at least explain myself, since I can’t explain the other person.

Hi, thanks for writing again! I mean it sounds like you are coping very well with being interested in someone who sucks? Or isnt treating you right? that youre not harping too much on a situation thats pretty unfulfilling to you, which is great, but maybe you would be better off leaving it

Theres this stage in codependency recovery where the codependent is supposed to ask themselves "if [partner] never changes, what would i do? regardless of what this other person does, what do i need in my life to make that life worth living?" and then they go and do that.

maybe they break up w the person they were codependent to. maybe they dont. doesnt matter. the point is that they have stopped making the other person the center of their world, and theyre going out living their own life rather than making decisions based on how it would impact the other person or the relationship. pretty much the opposite of memory foaming.

i got to this place in my last serious relationship years before the relationship ended. i realized he was never gonna make more time for me, was never going to contribute to finances, was never gonna contribute to household tasks, was never gonna want quality time, was never going to want to go out with me to do any of the things i enjoyed, and was never gonna get good at messaging me back. i said to myself okay, if thats all true, and he is never going to change or ever give me what i want no matter how i act and no matter what i do for him, what do i want out of life then?

and i started going to conventions. and conferences. and mister international leather. and concerts. and book readings. i made new friends at support groups and book clubs and gaming groups. i invited people to the museum or to concerts in the park. i tried new hobbies. i made a full life all around myself instead of waiting for him to change and give anything satisfying to me. and so, by the end of it, when i dumped him i lost almost nothing except for a fantasy.

I dont know your situation but it sounds to me like you want to be okay with doing more for someone than they bring you in the relationship. And i think that kinda arrangement always has an end date. but i only hope that you arent like i was and dont stick around past that end date for years.

[xannerz]

👶 rambling/life update time-

After like 10+ years of being here, I've told myself I'd start limiting how open I am on Tunglr abt my personal life. And it's not so much b/c I feel like I overshare too much? It's a micro-blogging site at the end of the day, and w/ a p limited following, I don't think griping about work or family issues now and then is really damaging to me or my image (a positive of not being a Bopular Blogger 🤢).

Felt like I'd come off as a whiner at worst (smiles fondly at my newly-retired!personal tag), but I think it's fair to say most people on here are struggling one way or the other, and I'm not too invested in being an enigma. Was like that as a kid - would walk up to strangers and blab about my family's life story. Strangers found it funny and charming - my parents, on the other hand, not so much LMFAO

I'm chronically online LMAO but Tunglr's never been my primary outlet, and I'm grateful (so grateful) that I already have a p strong support network irl (though my personal coping skills have fallen off and I'm trying to work on that). I have a lot of local friends and each of them are so kind and special to me.

I think my wanting to create some distance through personal posts is... really just b/c I've had a smattering of kindauncomfortablefrustrating interactions w/ folks that felt. parasocial. And IK it was a result of me being v open about my feefees in rb tags and personal posts. And Idk, after the last one or two interactions, I think I'm ready to ig choose not to talk about everything that happens as much?? it's still my blog, and I noticed I havent been chattering away as much lately anyway, but yeah.

I like that people can feel comfortable with me. It's cool. (And funny, b/c most people tell me I'm chill, but another friend's told me that I'm intimidating irl and i'm like girl what absolutely not I just hate everyone at this party LMFAOO--)

But I think it's just worth carving out some silent boundaries b/c the only conclusion I can reach is that those negative interactions in the past were just a result of - idk. People projecting enough onto me/our relationship just b/c of how open I can be on my own blog??? ykwim??

I hate saying this b/c it feels like a giant "dni! ever!" when it's not; it's more abt me filtering myself to help avoid negative interactions w/ people i barely know. I like talking to people! I like that I'm approachable (or so I'm told LMFAO), and I like to interact w/ folks!-- but I think when you get DMs from ppl acting like you've known each other for your entire life (not just respectful and friendly ykwim)-- that's... that's not great LMFAO it puts a burden on me to dance around that without being an asshole about it b/c i dont like brInging the hAmMER down on someone unless i really have to. idk if the person on the other end is in a fragile state or not, and it's easier not to up the chances of me triggering some weird meltdown.

with that said (time for a hard left here!!!). I've been stressed. I've been at the lowest point of my life for a while now - mentally, physically, financially. I'm extremely sleep deprived b/c I've been (predictably) fussing over Vigo for days. I'll be gone next week, but he's been responding well to his heart meds so I have to have faith he'll be okay while I'm out of town. My dr was begging me to enjoy this vacation b/c I look like a zombie. I'm gonna try to take it easy. I can't, really, but I'll try! I'll try.

I'll drop updates if Vigo's condition changes, but I'm relieved he's doing okay. Honestly, if it weren't for his breathing, you wouldn't even know his murmur's advanced at all. I'm grateful he still has an appetite and light in his eyes. I love this dog, man. He's just such. such a good boy. But there's just too much going on, and it's good for me to be cognizant about how focusing on my personal journal and crafts would be better for me in the long run, than expose myself to folks who simply might get the wrong idea about who I am, and DM me acting like we're best friends like whoareyougetoutofmyhouse i'm not your mother LMAO

ok. ok i feel better now. im gonna prep frozen boba from the freezer. peace and blessings on this friday ✊😔💖

#long winded but ive been dwelling on this for a while #i dont mean to make it sound like i get DMs all the time either but it's happened enough yk LMFAO #sirxantalksalot #new personal tag LMAO #might change it again tho who knows!!

[angabby-zzz]

Something something requested post about gabby

Ive like talked a little about stuff related 2 her identity problems ☝️ ✌️ and everything but like. vague hand motions heres the whole thing:;;;

Tbh im not sure where it started but to me its a mix of her ties to dionysus being expression and emotions and me just projecting onto her. her powers are focused on influencing others and manipulating things rather than just nature or art so shes like. full of chaos. not even in a silly personality trait way its literally just built into her. thats what her powers are. chaos and change. thats what she embodies. [which contrasts angels motif of calmness and cowardice and brings a cool balance to their relationship]

so obviously that and having bipolar disorder can make things messy sometimes and she struggles with truly being happy with her friendships. which is bad on its own but these also make her really cling to predictability and the idea of being in control (most obvious ex. is taking the role of leader during the quest for herself and planning out everything they do) which like. is related to the uncertainty she feels towards herself and her future cuz shes like getting closer to being an adult [and also the age lots of demigods dont make it very far past but she hasnt had to worry much about that until now] but really isnt ready to do that nor does she have any real passion for any job or thing related to it. shes just focused on finishing highschool and then she’ll have to worry about that. which she hated cuz yk. Mentioned stuff.

so basically its lots of Wow this is a lot of emotions about stuff with me in it. But who am i even. What is my purpose what am i supposed to do. Why is the world like this i dont want to do adult things. I dont even know what those adult things are or how they work.

i wanna say there were some v small thoughts about this pre-demigod stuff happening [mostly just about if people like her or not or how tf to make friends rather than everything else] and it just like got 10x worse once they did start cuz it like ruined what good she had goin. duh

and going with the linked post where i apologize to gabby she also has the dumbest smart person in the room problem where yes she Is very smart and good at problem solving and fighting but she also feels like shes not very useful or impressive when in certain groups [like how angel and jade have more knowledge about greek myths and nature than her] so its like. Hm is she really all that if she can only shine when surrounded by people less competent than she. also the guilt mentioned in said post is like related to this too cuz she wants to look cool and be inteligent and awesome yet also could come off as stuck up or a showoff or something cuz of how much she wants to be looked up to by others and be complimented

i think the last thing i have to say about it is how she does a lot of avoiding like. as a coping thing. like 2 examples i have so far for p1 would be the whole forced quest thing as an excuse to leave camp and not deal with violet or jack or anyone else who could bring up the fight and then the breakdown talk with angel (though its less avoiding and more finally snapping from all the pushing away) … and like maybe the bedrotting on their first summer there could count since she didnt wanna go out and see her dad or engage in any camp things but idk. maybe the thing w her stepdad too

Anyway yeah this post took forever cuz i was working on it on and off lollll sorry been busy (so obv disclaimer sorry if it sounds weird cuz i kind of just continued my thoughts between hour long pauses. im not rereading my lore posts bro thats what ive got notes and memorized info for….)

#text pose #oc lore

[narwhalandchill]

ok misc stream thoughts!!!

ANYWAY livestream over nice 30 pulls of aventurine funds for anni!!!! they didnt do anything insane but honestly it was kinda cope to expect them to, ratio for free was clearly a more of a spontaneous move and hes available throughout anniversary anyway so the "another 5*" were.... a little over the top im sorry wjkjwdjkwdjk altho i wouldnt have complained obviously. a free himeko or sth couldve been on theme for the cosmodussy event but eh cant be helped

im actually glad for the skippability of the reruns 😭😭 like i have luocha n jingliu (+ LC for latter) so by skipping acheron for now im gonna have a nice time getting aventurine and most likely his LC (2/3 of his 4* LC selection is so sad tho), love that fucker hope he gets to do proper mayhem in story too. cool death talk please dont actually die yourself for real for real tho i will be sad. like i do think its based of aventurine to pull off a stunt that appears to be what we in the business might call a certified chapter 5 komaeda moment but. ahahaha nooo dont actually die youre such a funny hat man .

(also sick boss form is sick but . bootleg FL im sorry aventurine. they hit perfection already and theyre never fucking topping the galaxy cape cyclops eye beak mask drip i swear JSWJWJDKWJKDWJK but also yes me biased? in favor of that ginger? i could never)

but it seems ill have a solid time getting aventurine and saving up for now??? since i dont think im too interested in robin or boothill either. i was kinda worried topaz' rerun would be in 2.1 for IPC antics with aventurine bc i am kinda curious abt pulling for her but now its gonna be 2.2 at the earliest so. Phew

the stream ran a bit too long lmao but like overall i tend to like the dev discussions so most of it was still neat, altho downside of dev streams is that not knowing chinese i cant just like. afk and listen on headphones and go get water or something 💀💀 and they were definitely dragging stuff out on purpose no way they werent but eh. people will live its just bideo game livestream. and like these folks do hard work on the game they can yap about what they do sometimes its only right lmao

leakers public shaming session was definitely a jumpscare but i do genuinely empathize w shaoji on that one. like. ive always been one for kit + banner leaks first and foremost and story leaks just. i dont care for them much. ive had my share of looking at them occasionally but i definitely agree with the way story leaks either by themselves or when misconstrued and misinterpreted really fucking mess with the intended experience for any given story and how that must feel like shit for the writers. like if story leaks stopped happening altogether id be perfectly content. and thats just ppl who look at story leaks on purpose cuz. im not going to even begin w how like. yes the leaks subreddits and most big leakers do spoiler warnings and keep the story stuff spoilered. but then theres literally the entire rest of the internet where shit gets spread untagged and without warnings the second they are posted anywhere at all and how that fucking ruins peoples experiences. like its 1 thing to click at a spoiler tagged post knowingly and get ur experience messed up with. but when u dont even want to see it its rly fucking bad and i v well understand condemning all story leaks (even those properly flagged) just on that basis alone. but yeah actually felt bad for him there and see where he was coming from for sure, even as a consumer of leaks

ok well that sure was a wall of text. didnt expect to write that much JWJKWJKDDWJK but ya

Anyway. biggest priority is holding strong w skipping acheron as sick as her animations are but def looking forward to her teaser and the animated short. like . even with the black swan dykery. (that was a fucking jumpscare too). i dont need her rn. despite how cool she is 😭😭

& also have to say im v happy they clarified their stance on hi3rd references like. the way theyre going abt it is absolutely how it should be going. hsr by nature is more directly linked to hi3rd like honkai is in the name but its such a dumbass idea (like some fan takes out there....) to want the stories of hsr depend on another games lore. rewarding old fans with easter eggs and tidbits is perfectly fine and im even interested in seeing where they go with acherons obvious raiden situation - especially knowing theyre not about to ruin their own story with "it was hi3rd all along!" (not that i ever rly thought theyd seriously blunder that bad lmao 💀) . so yea thats neat

i think story wise im not gonna say much of my thoughts bc unfortunately i have clicked on like. a leak or four. not the major stuff i dont think but enough that commenting on stuff w some of the things im aware of in the periphery is going to tint stuff . but im still excited to see where things go!!!

AAND OH. ACTUALLY i do have one more thing . so the multiple POV thing being actually implemented is SOOOO good im so fucking happy theyre committing to it being a thing 😭😭😭 like SO many story pitfalls can be avoided by just letting it be that TB doesnt need to be fucking everywhere a major thing happens as the centerpiece of events so we as players can see it. like it gives a way of showing different events and sides of characters in a much more natural manner its sooo good that theyre implementing it already. like this alone has me in such high hopes for the story going forward. like yea theyve branched from our POV before already and in penacony as well but expanding on it even more is 100% the correct way forward

last thing: god they did jingliu so dirty in her concert illustration. WHAT is she wearing 💀💀💀anyway yeah lesgo 2.1 its cool

i lied real last thing: siobhan . siobhan i would do anything---

#i have no clue who to get from the 4* selector also. my hanya is e4 now so no need to get that. yukong e6? but i havent rly built her at all #ig i could still get her but w the way i have sparkle and ruan mei and bronya and the 4* harmonies built already its. ehh #gallagher is the new unit so i might just get him for collection purposes but i dont think ill rly have much use for him #guinaifen eidolons??? shes e2 now and e4 is the good one for energy so it could be a step on the way #ill need to build her for burn dmg for kafka against fire + lightning weak eventually anyway. now shes just debuffer ult spam build #anyway. neat stream now i need to eat the stream was long and then i wrote this djjkdjkwdjkdjkdwkj #rambles #hsr #long post

[yomiurinikei]

rei mekaru (shocker i know)

we r ginger liker solidarity.... yuuki/yuki likers and rei likers need to come together and be allied...

~*~

My identity hc for them

oh shit tumblr is auto formatting in bullet points thats fun. uhhh w/rei i pretty much like any combination of ace/aro spec + lesbian. 100% lesbian rei? aro lesbian rei? aroace rei? all epic all amazing. i started hc'ing this back in like.. vv early sdra days. and i think its just part of who i am now... i think she doesnt really experience much attraction in general and has a bit of a hard time labeling how she feels because. of her general emotional trauma. so tbh i can see her kinda rotating through labels? i think she keeps it very to her self tho. she doesn't like people assuming she's cishet but she also doesn't want to come out as straightn't, so she just snaps at people who try and drag her into convos about identity.

similarly i think she struggles with really.. going "wow this is so me this is exactly what i am" when it comes to gender identity. i think she's very.. "well im Definitely not a guy, and i dont think im anything else, so..." ie, she's more prone to defining herself by what she isn't than what she is. which is perfectly okay!!! i don't think she'd consider herself trans, but she may occasionally like the label genderqueer. (yes i know that trans people r anyone who's gender deviates from what they were told they should be, but while it is an umbrella term, people can decide if they like it for themselves a lot! and i don't think rei would really like any label other than "idk man its weird", which she likes to use on/off) again tho i dont think she's very into sharing that with people, at least as a teen.

Thoughts on their home life/family

im so curious what her time was like when she was all alone??? i think that's something thats fairly unexplored, is her time between her parents not being able to care for her, and her becoming self-sufficient. ultimately i dont have much to say here, i like how linuj handled her backstory, i just think it wouldve been cool to see more of it, not that there was any good place to write it in, but i love bonus modes and would like to see maybe how the dra survivors coped w/what they learned in the sixth trial in a bonus mode about how the kisa foundation became what it is now.

How i feel about their canonical writing/handling

mmm... tbh. i like rei, i think her growth from dra to sdra2 was handled well- she still feels like rei, while also serving her narrative role- ie. there's not much you can do when shawty gets exploded in the prologue and then has to play second fiddle to tsurugis viola of fucking evil. sadly, we can't do much with the kisa foundation and showing how rei and tsurugi have changed and have the pacing of the chapter still be intact, when we see rei, its mostly just her being voice of reason because someone has to give exposition on what the foundation knows while tsurugi has a meltdown. i think her development feels authentic and natural, if she maybe feels a biiit.. i dont know how to word it, but she almost feels a bit too calm? less snarky at points than i'd think she'd be, and than what i'd like to see. but again, we can explain that as being due to the role she has to play for the story.

ultimately, while not necessarily my cup of tea, i'm just not prone to latching onto characters like rei a whole lot! i def think she's handled well, oddly well for linuj in general, and v oddly well for a female character written by linuj. i like her, im just not brain rotted about her

The one thing i’d want to make canon about them

hmmmmm... im not gonna lie i can't really think of anything? after thinking about it while i typed up. essentially the whole rest of this post, i think it'd be cool if she and kabuya were friends after sdra2. yuuki is... .... ..........lets not talk about what hes up to, syobai and iroha are just a whole fucking mess. theyre a bit busy dealing with heads in boxes. and tsurugi is just sooo normal he's too normal really.

so i think they could meet and chat about how Fucking Insane the games were, in a way that other kg survivors wouldnt get, since they didnt have to deal with divine luck and what it does to people. also seeing as akane saved rei in dra and then. ya know. Soruko. i think that'd be a interesting convo for them to have, both kinda understanding more about akane taira. i think that'd be really neat!

My number one favorite ship for them

hm.... reikako by default of i dont think much about rei ships, and they have a significant amount of canon material. i do wonder though what their relationship was like pre-despair, it feels like a lot of the school life info we have is on utsuro or tsurugi? buuut yeah. also as kinda established i think rei is uncertain where she stands on attraction/her thoughts change a lot and. yeah. so this is less a romantic thing and moreso i want inside linujs brain so i can know what he thinks except he like. officially has stated he doesnt know shit abt sdra anymore which is SO UPSETTING

…Now everyone else i ship with them

i think rei/kizuna/kiyoka could be cute!!! also i kinda just like giving akane gfs, and i don't really think they'd be that compatible, but i think if they had a weird little queercoded friendship for like. the duration of one year during their stay at hpa, and it leaves akane feeling more confident and comfortable with herself as her own person, and leaves rei with a LOT of questions, while they also never really cross the line between friends and something more, that'd be cool and fun. just normal gals being pals things.

The thing i will NEVER ship

im so sorry. 2020 sdrainsta has made me incapable of terurei propaganda. i support people who ship it as a matter of fact im so glad we r now in a place where people can ship it or not ship it and everyone can just be fine and happy. but i dont think ill ever be able to see the vision.

a dynamic/relationship i wish was explored more (in canon, or in fandom)

i wish in sdra2 we saw more on the dynamic that grew between rei and mikako in dra. i think it'd be cool to see that discussed a bit more seeing how it was. mikakos in game memories that formed the basis for sora iirc.

thoughts on their design (appearance-wise)

mmm...... why the fuck did linuj use so much blue in the dra cast color palettes... i remember i had this dentist appointment that was really evil and like. literal hours longer than it was supposed to be, and to try and distract myself i went through the cast and counted who had blue in their design and who didnt. it took a long time because i was in so so so much pain but like. iirc its just mikako akane and yuki. and also mikako wears blue in ch4. so. THATS NOT RELEVANT THOUGH.

uhhhh. im not a huge fan of her outfit just because i dont like the skirt. her og design was a school uniform and i think it kinda shows and im not a huge fan of it? my brain keeps getting mixed up on the length of her skirt but yeah. its just so vibrant and pigmented and so is her hair and its like. the lower half of her fit just feels so high school uniform and i dont really like it. i think her hair is super cute in the bonus sketch (the just-woke-up one) on her character sheet tho.

i also don't really like her fit in sdra2. i think the labcoat is super nice (i like the ombre effect it looks good) and while its not too practical i dont hate the vest short skirt tights combo. but im not a fan of the color palette, its just so dark, so u have her bright hair and the bright coat, but the dark grey and black, in vertical stripes just kinda dominates it in my brain. and i don't really like it? i really dont like the grey with her hair.

she is very pretty. but im not a fan of the fits linuj puts her into

A music-related thought- a song that reminds me of them, or what their music taste is, etc

hmmm.. this is a very foreign concept to me but i dont think reis huge on music. i think for the most part she listens to songs she has memories associated with- she doesn't seem huge on the arts or. ya know. emotional connection? so i think while she wouldn't really vibe with anything particular of her own accord, listening to music which was playing when something emotional happened to her both improves the music, and also. helps her with being in touch with her emotions and letting herself feel. if that makes sense?

#dra #sdra2 #rei mekaru #yomis ask meme #reikako #iroha nijiue #dont want to tag spam but i do want to be on the look out for tags people may have filtered

[blinky-skyd]

ty ilu mwah

nylon started out as my splatsona in splatoon 2, based on the bangs cut that i usually used & my favorite outfit in game, sneaky beanie, takoroka nylon vintage, mint drakoniks. still slaps, waiting for all the gear to come back to s3😭 they were kinda a blank slate for a while since i didnt know what to do w them. but since theyre a sona i get to unload whatever personal bullshit on them! when i first started playing splatoon i got obsessed quickly w salmon run (still am) but also grizzco as a whole, i LOVED the mystery and shadyness and grungy atmosphere of it all. i tried to do something w that for a really long time (bout a year) but now its just an alternate universe thing. i tried to make alternations but. clare from fleabag voice ITS UNSALVAGABLE. um so au it is.

anyw the more ive developed them the more theyve kinda become their own character. they have the usual rough childhood, gets into messy bs and toxic friend groups as a teenager, gets kicked out at 18, goes from shitty job to shitty job, theyre just a depressed mfer! they love getting high and getting some. theyd rather die than get close to people or form meaningful bonds. they simultaneously think theyre hot shit and the worst. eyebags galore. oh yeah they could commit war crimes given any good reason (not morally) but otherwise theyre lazy. they have good music taste but also have a selection of sad songs they listen to when the homies arent around. she loves judd the cat. when they were a kid they begged their parents for ages to get a pet spider (are tarantulas canon in splatoon idk). they got it btw (named blaze) their parents were Not happy. theyve drunkenly passed out in public an embarrasing amount of times. she rates her hookups in her notes app, divided into categories even. she hasnt had a healthy meal in months. she doesnt know what a mental health is. she has one of those “damn bitch you live like this” rooms full of empty cans. she can play the piano and knows minecraft songs. they have double the daddy issues. theyre eerily similar to jessie pinkman from breakind bad but /j. they act tough & pretend they dont like physical affection cus they dont wanna admit they need a hug. idk how to talk abt ocs normally online i didnt even say basic info. theyre 22, nb purple or blue ink. ive coped w this bitch too much i owe them one. half of my sketchbook is filled w doodles of them

edit; now comes with a playlist and pinboard

#blinky speaks #wrow nylon lore heyo #slaps their back. this guy can fit so much trauma in them! #if u waaaaant u can ask questions or send me asks abt my failgirl babygirl oc? 👉👈 #i think i drank the wrong tea it was supposed to be sleepytime tea but ive never felt MORE AWAKE #drugs ment tw #alcohol ment #splatoon #nylon

[drifloonz]

hmm.. do you have any favourite Pokémon/Poképasta characters? If so, what do you like about them? Or.. if you could make your own Poképasta character, what would their concept or design be? Or name in general, you don’t have to do a fully fleshed out backstory for them. Orrr, what’s your favourite thing about being on the internet or being in a fandom?

i... to no ones surprise, reaaally like steven. glitchys up there, but i think his og pokepasta sort of sucks ( which is not an unpopular opinion ), but strangled red ( specifically strangled red, strangled and doors open are... neat, but sort of badly written and way more stereotypical ) is just... mwah. chefs kiss. stories about grief and abt a depressive spiral that gets worse and worse AND you get to see how he was like before it? soo good. you can argue the missingno plotline in it was unnecessary which i could agree but i think its just cool more than anything else, esp since most pokepastas based on gen 1 use it or other glitches in the 1st gens for horror a lot, which i think is interesting. missingno can be many things!

i like to think logically that glitches and stuff in game prob exist in the pokemon universe as well, since... well.. pokemon can be turned into data. you put them into the pc. missingno likely just exists and is a heavily corrupted pokemon that is not supposed to be there, or a glitch that the pc or something made real.

therefore, miki probably was "healed" because missingno "filled" her "missing data" or something like that, but i like to keep it more vague and ambiguous too. you can do a lot with strangled red and steven, miki, and mike too which just intrigues me. once again read lessons in guilt and grief and faulty on ao3. they explore this and steven, mike, ( and daisy who doesnt get enough attention ) in a way i 100% agree with and enjoy .

as for other characters i obviously enjoy glitchy but i much more enjoy the like... post-fnflull version of him cuz' in his original popularity he was just sort of prettyboy red who was also a creepypasta but ppl barely drew him like he was one ( i like fnf lulls interp bc of how his body constantly stutters and how when hes irate his mouth just stretches and shit like that. gmod ragdoll with broken physics ass mf ). also as said before his pokepastas sort of forgettable but i do like the concept of a red stuck in a game self aware bc im allll for that shit. i am an IHNMBIMS fan, i love AM, i love self aware AIs that feel trapped and take it out on every1 else or cope with it in Some Way... very interesting concept, idk.

honorable mentions for pokepastas that ppl prob know that i do not talk abt a lot that i like the writing or concepts for are DISABLED and Hell Bell.

hell bell you could argue has a stereotypical 'pasta ending of "ooooh you die in the game you die for real" but idk i eat up the way they did it in hell bell bc the person doesnt die but they sort of do since nobody can see em anymore ( iirc, i hvent read it in a bit ). also uses gen 4 which as someone who started mainline games with diamond and pearl respectively, i enjoy that a lot.

for DISABLED, its not super deep or scary or anything ( ok well its scary for the narrator obviously ) but its another one that just sorta makes me feel bad in all the right ways.

i have concepts for pokepasta aus of my ocs and some side characters but they arent pokepastas theyre just like... ppl who live in the world ( of fnf lull usually since i like to think everything there is connected and coexists somehow ), but i am not original to save my life so i dont think id make an actual pokepasta anytime soon, lol. the closest i got was making a super horrible choose your own adventure where you played as a cubone on deviantart when i was like idk 9

as for internet and fandom stuff, i dont associate myself w fandoms or fandom terminology and unironically i just start to call myself an "enjoyer" of things, bc i dont like being associated w anything... fandom oriented a lot of the time anymore. a lot of fanonization of characters also sucks. i do think the pokepasta fandom has some funny fanonizations though. like yes dilfify that man ( @ steven )

also esp for pokepastas bc i have Hyperfixation Shame. its why i have a sideblog for it, both so it has a concentrated place to go and so no one knows i like it enough to write abt it lol

thank u 4 asking :]!

#wispy chatters

[menalez]

hey i just wanted to say thank you for talking about your SA. i actually had a very similar experience w/ a guy i was really good friends with in high school.

he was my best friend, but i got pressured into dating him by my friends, family, his parents. (his mom guilted me into being w/ him 🙄 practically stalked me til i said yes)

he ended up abusing me for nearly 3 years.

and in that time i wrote stupid notes or letters to him making sex jokes cuz i was a KID. the lawyer we hired blamed me for his actions bc of the letters bc of he did 🤦🏻‍♀️

but even still, some weird part of me misses our friendship that we had before other people started meddling in our business. it makes me feel guilty sometimes, and other times it's relief. iunno trauma is weird.

uh but yeah. thank you for sharing, i know it's hard to talk about and be open with this sort of thing. i just wanted to say that you aren't alone as a lesbian who wrote dumb things as a kid or who missed/misses what friendship you had before your friend SA'd.

i think it's also extremely fucked up for people to judge your sexuality based on the way you tried to cope in the past, let alone now.

just know that a lot of women, myself included, really appreciate you being here c:

hey thank u for sharing ur story with me ❣️ honestly the thing that rly hurt about it looking back is it was in a v vulnerable time in my life. i rly had practically nobody. i lost almost all my friends bc i was suddenly a "whore" for getting raped. i would get these messages on all my social media accounts like "you deserved it" "you were seducing him" "haha hes living a good life and youre cutting yourself looooooooool pathetic!!". my friend group went from a lot of my school (small school but its normal for bahrain) to like ... 4 people in bahrain. one of them was that guy that had a crush on me since we were like 11. he would stand between me n my rapist and went to the principal about it so that i would have lesser proximity and was one of the only people who seemed to empathise w my situation. i felt quite indebted to him n everyone would repeatedly call me an idiot and tell me i should be with him and my mom would say she wishes he could be her son in law or w/e and at one point he started insisting that we are together despite me telling him no we are not & that i dont want to be w him. i gave up on saying no eventually n just went along with all of it. i felt like i was stupid for saying no ??? ppl kept telling me i was n i was like huh i guess i am. never said no again rly, up until the very end where i could no longer ignore it n keep putting myself thru any of that. after leaving that situation i saw how fucked up it was that there were all these obvious signs and me obviously signalling TO HIS FACE that i dont want to be w him, that im not interested in him, that it was further traumatising me n harming my mental health, and also the times where what he was doing would fall under SA....idk i felt stupid for facing one male friend taking advantage of me and then another one doing it soon after right in front of my face n i thought it was somehow different and normal and ok simply bc i wasnt getting downright threatened. but i know if someone else didnt hear my rape story n tell me "uh thats rape and thats fucked up" to begin with i wouldve also probably let that happen again n again too n not thought much about that while getting traumatised until afterwards too.

anyways... im glad that ur out of that situation. im sorry that we have some shared trauma there. shit like this is why i dont even trust "nice guys" anymore fr. i dont think that many ppl can rly understand that sort of situation and i can get how its confusing, bc it was a confusing time for me too. but idk why they think theyd know better than me about my own life either lol

[orbees]

2022 overview 

this year... where do i even Start with this year. it went by fast but also felt like an eternity. in terms of just Bullshit the universe threw my way, it was by far one of the roughest. struggled with literally Every aspect of life this year. but also the fact this Isnt the worst year of my life... i think ive come a long way w/ coping and i am proud of myself for hanging in there despite Everything 

and for all the shitty, awful things that happened, there was a lot of good stuff too. i finished my practicum, which sucked ass, but i also finished the first half of my internship which was HARD but went much better. its kinda Hard to put into words but i rly struggle a lot w/ feeling incapable of well... Anything, and this goes Beyond disability tho it certainly plays a role. its more like i just feel myself Inherently Inadequate, due to Personal Flaws. but time and time again, i prove myself wrong, and are able to do much more than i thought i could.

and at the same time i dont wanna make it seem like Grinding myself into a paste was a good thing. i shouldnt have to Be so resilient, but i can admire the strength i have in doing so. its like i often contend a lot w/ feeling like this World doesnt want someone like me. it often feels like i am trying to jam a square piece into a triangle shaped hole. its like the hole shouldnt be so hard to get thru to begin with, but i am proud of myself for Trying despite

a lot of growing pains this year, a lot of putting myself into new and uncomfortable situations. getting my first job basically thru my internship, leaving the house regularly, interacting with people Daily... i am The autistic hermit so adjusting to this was. Difficult in ways that word cant even begin to describe but i did it regardless.

i even have began taking steps to live More authentically. the Autism is a big force in my day to day, and i burn myself out trying to Mask so ive rly just wanted to start letting myself Be. i still have a hard time with this but ive taken some pretty big steps. i told my supervisor that i am autistic which i NEVER thought i’d be able to do, and i am still very very proud of myself for doing that. i want to be able to create a space where i dont feel the Need to hide so much of everything that i am and i feel like i was able to lay out a lot of the framework for making that possible. i am proud of myself for working so hard to create a better life for myself Despite everything trying to pull me down

in general ive just done A lot of work on myself this year. contended with a lot of personal truths. i gained a better sense of who i am, what i am, what i can do, and what i WANT to do. ive faced off against a lot of my demons this year, and still have plenty more fighting left to do, but i feel proud of the person i am becoming. i feel more complete & whole, and have a better understanding of what i am worth. i am excited about my growth going into 2023! its gonna be a wild year for me i just know it LOL

my resolutions:

1. read more

2. create more just in general

3. take my big scary exams 

4. graduate

5. learn how to drive >:(

6. in learning how to Juggle the everything i noticed i started isolating myself a bit and this is something i wanna Change

7. be kinder to myself

i also cant rly Find a way to work this into all i wrote above in a Pretty Way but i rly wanted to take a moment too to talk about my friends. i struggle a lot w/ feeling Alone, have my entire life, but i feel as if it is Getting better. like i have a better sense of who my people are, and where i belong <3 its hard to find the words that convey my sincerity without sounding trite but: ive received sm love and support this year, as i do every year ofc but with this year being So Hard for me, its really meant a lot. i am very thankful for my friends and love them a lot. thank u all sm for everything. here’s to a good 2023 i am manifesting this for all of us 😤😤😤

#virtual memories