#this is actually very helpful to learn right now

[44st4rs]

SEXUAL HEALING!

✫ ˚♡ ⋆｡ ❀ — synopsis ! you just can’t please yourself anymore. all the toys, your ten fingers and the hours just can’t bring down that crashing bliss…but your sex therapist can!

✫ ˚♡ ⋆｡ ❀ — pairings! fem!reader x sex therapist!toji fushiguro

✫ ˚♡ ⋆｡ ❀ — cw! 5.7k, pwp, dubcon, talks of masturb*tion, masturb*tion, teasing, nïppleplay, grinding, dom!toji, oral(m. receiving), bondage (toji ties your hands up), spitting, no protection, p in v, sqūirting, if i forgot some…that’s the gist!

✫ ˚♡ ⋆｡ ❀ — xoxo, chris! this one has been in my archives for a little minute so pls enjoy!

Bearing the full wrath of his emerald hues weren’t for the weak, even if the glossy glare of glasses weakened its effects. You shrunk in his presence, your body melding into the cherry leather couch. In truth, anything Toji did sent the cold prickles to lick at your spine. The adjusting grips upon his pen, the mindless shifts in his seat, and even the faint grins brought a searing rouse to your mind.

For the past two weeks since discovering his services, it’s been nothing but the same antics that etched into your impressionable mind. The memories seemed to fancy you best at night, replaying each detail to the ‘t’.

From the thick pads of his fingers, he’d strummed along his jawline as he spoke ever so softly to you to the buttons of both his white dress shirt and cafè slacks threatening to pop with every nudge of his body. The sultrous thoughts stained your mind, even guiding your wandering hand to forbidden places.

Nowadays during the visits, it's a challenge to focus on any issues without the suffocating vines of lust laced around every inch of your body. It surely didn’t help to know that the Toji Fushiguro sat before you, his ears piqued to all to come.

Today, however, brought its own specific issues to the table. To begin with, your legs clenched more than usual, paired with the uncontrollable flairs of heat welling upon your skin.

He’s studying you again—every inch as a matter of fact. Toji’s chewing on the cap of his blue pen to keep his sight company, breathing the scene of you in pure heat. The squeeze of your thighs, the hitches clogging your chest, down to the quiver of your lips—it’s all just enticing him to entertain you once more.

“So Y/N, in the time that we’ve started these sessions…you still haven't told me what the actual issue is.”

“I haven’t?! It’s…a lot to explain but I guess I owe you that…”

Toji’s visage bears a displeased look, courtesy of the squint narrowing his eyes. Your teeth pinch at the plush of your bottom lip, the spry nerves of angst bleeding across your skin. You’ve come to know that very look too well, alerting you of his impending limits.

“Well…I can’t exactly…cum anymore.”

“And why is that you think?”

“Stress, mostly. So much is going on in my life right now but I didn’t think things were that bad. I can’t pinpoint what it really is. And it’s kinda embarrassing…to admit it aloud…to you.”

Toji’s entire face fell into a lackluster frown, a wrinkle placed between his brows. His interest’s been piqued by the sudden revelation, coaxing him to sit upright in his leather armchair. The pads of his fingers fall to their steady state, grazing the chiseled contour of his jaw as he presses on.

“Have you been having issues with any partners or…?”

“I think it’s best if I don’t enter any relationships until I get it situated. So I’ve just been…—”

“You’ve learned it through touching yourself, I got that much. It seems we’ve got quite the problem on our hands, don’t we, Doll?”

At his brash conclusion, you found yourself filled with a wave of heat, embarrassment prickling at the highs of your cheeks down the very tips of your fingers. As vulgar as it may be, Toji couldn’t be any closer to the truth.

Call it a kind gesture or cowering in loss of confidence, you couldn’t trust anyone but yourself with your needs. Yet, even that only brought you so far. All the time, all the dollars spent, and not a single toy in your reach ever came close to easing that pit so deep within your tummy.

However, to hear Toji utter such words without a shred of the hesitation you held stirred something in you, bringing a flutter of butterflies to swarm to your belly. You couldn’t dare meet his eyes, nonetheless continuing down such an intimate path.

“Mhm,” you mutter lowly. “So…is it fixable?”

A heavy shroud of silence falls upon both you and Toji, the unanswered inquiry left to bake. The room’s filled with a flurry of emotions. Relief and comfort may have filled the air, but the dark ruse of embarrassment and worry clawed through to the surface. You don’t have to look at Toji to know what he’s thinking.

He’s deep in thought, trying to comprehend just how to handle your case. Toji wants to offer you the best help he can supply, one that he alone could provide you. His eyes are cast upon you, his pretty patient with the worst of luck.

He’s shocked should the truth be told, shocked to know that someone like you had encountered such devious trouble. Now, all he’s left to do is imagine, his thoughts used to help you now sullied by his own twisted imagination.

He’d be lying if he said he didn’t want to see it, you caught up in the heights of lust. To watch your spine take on an ungodly arch, your lips whipped into a quiver, and the hellish cries of plea he’d have to endure. He’s eager to witness it now. It’s written all over him, even apparent in all the mindless movements within the seat. He’s so intrigued by you that he’s forced to grow comfortable, reclining back into his seat.

“Y/N?” Toji calls, a grin laced buried behind his tone.

“Um…yes, Dr. Fushiguro?”

“Come sit.”

Your eyes shift to meet his own, a darkened flair clouding his eyes. At the sound of his very direction, Toji’s thrown into an ecstatic state. His hands rest along the armrest, the pads of his digits rattling a sporadic tune. Your head falls into a gentle tilt, as you begin to comprehend what exactly was asked of you.

“Where…exactly?”

“On my lap of course. Unless you don’t want the issue to be…properly addressed.”

Hesitation runs high within your veins. It’s enough to warn you but not enough to keep you away. The very tip of your black heels dig into the ground as you stand, ruining the groomed pattern of the gray carpet. Every step you take leads you closer and closer to Toji, his aura beckoning you to close the distance.

He’s desperately failing at hiding his excitement, the corners of his lips fighting back a smile. It’s not until the curve of your ass settles atop his thigh that he can breathe that much easier, the florals of your mint dress melding well along the black pant leg.

“Good,” he hums, placing his hand to ghost along your waist. Toji’s compelled to face the consequences, his body overrun by his own whims and desires. He’s longed to have you this close, your temple of a body finally in his grasp. He simply has to take you, to admire every inch of you while time is on his side.

“Now, y’know I wanna help you, Y/N, right?”

“Right.”

“And if I’m going to help you, you have to tell me everything. All you’ve tried, what you haven’t tried—all of it. I promise that by the end of this session…you’ll be all cleared of such a pesky problem.”

Toji’s hands inch to capture your waist, brushing past the soft fabric. Anticipation nips at his being, teasing Toji’s will until he gives in.

“Can I touch you?…for the sake of t-the diagnosis, that is.”

“Yes,” your body losing all tension in Toji’s hold.

No delay can be found in his reach, the pads of his thumb inscribing mindless swirls at your lower back, easing your body into his. All it takes is a gentle tug to seal both your fates, your back resting along the hull of his chest. In Toji’s eyes, you’re just beautiful, so perfect that it melts the cold abyss of his soul. He’s forsaken with an urge to fulfill, eager to ensure your comfort.

“Alright, let’s start nice and easy. Tell me, does it feel okay? You can tell me to stop at any time.”

You peek back to meet the haze of green in Toji’s eyes. His words roll off in the softest of tones, his touch falling nothing short of soothing. It’s almost shameful how quickly you give into him, your head resting at the curve of his shoulder. His touch is even pulling those shushed purrs right off your chest and into his delirious mind.

“That’s cute, we’re starting to get somewhere. Now I wanna ask…What kind of toys did you use? Nothing too extreme I hope.”

A harsh gulp is forced down your throat. All the heat is pinned on you, the brash embarrassment and amusement melding into a single hellish mix.

“I…I used vibrators, brought a few um.…d-dildos and well.…”

Toji’s lost in the heat of the moment, your words soon falling to white noise. He’s hurt to hear it, how your own body could turn against you. Or at least he should be. But all Toji sees is an opportunity, a chance for him to prove to you just how badly you need a man like him in your life.

All he wants is to help you and relieve all that pesky tension scattered throughout you. So maybe that’s why his touch travels to forbidden places, the palms of his hands creeping up to your chest. He’s daring enough to do it too, sending his digits to softly cup at your tits. The pads of his fingers settle over the bra, using a pulsing squeeze to spur you on all the further

His presence isn’t something to be ignored, nor when the heat of his palms bleeds right through the layers of clothes. You’re all too swift to reciprocate his advances, pushing your chest to fill the expanse of his palms. nudging your shoulders for the dress’ straps to fall.

“Toji?”

“Hm?”

“Can you…y’know…keep doing that, please?”

There’s bliss to be worn by Toji, his lips curling to match his amusement. He’s willing to test his luck now by the little whimpers escaping from your pursed lips. Bit by bit his fingers work, tugging at the cups of your bra. It’s a slow practice but he’s only that much closer to the goal—having your tits spill in his hands.

You’re left for putty in his care, anticipation dressing you in a feverish heat. All Toji’s good for is his clever nature, now more than ever. And he knows this very fact all too well. He knows what he can do to you and why he can make you wait like this. The seconds meld into hours the longer he forces your patience, leaving the bra’s wire to trail against your skin.

It isn’t long before a sigh of relief cracks through the air, your tits finally sitting pretty in his palms. He can’t help but admire his efforts—the contrast of lush supple skin, the rousing flush of heat filling out the peaks of your nipples. He’s so engrained in the unfolding scene that he can’t help how his own digits prey on the raw bud with steady pinches.

“Oh, you pretty thing. You like me touching you like this? I’ve barely done anything, though,” his voice breaking the silence. Toji brings a trail of soft pecks from his lips to nip at the velvety crook of your neck, each one dusting across your skin.

“I haven’t played with that cute lil’ clit, or even fucked your pussy full…looks like you’ve got my work cut out fr’ me, don’t you?”

Your teeth sink into the curve of your bottom lip, your thoughts caught in awe by Toji’s words. Here he was, a man doused in intelligence speaking without a care in the world to his patient. He’s so shamelessly vulgar that it’s refreshing, a breath of fresh air if you weren’t so needy.

“You feelin’ okay?” Toji presses as his fingers still find delight in teasing your nipples. He’s even found another way of easing you into his care, his hands kneading the plush flesh to par. He knows you’re feeling something, courtesy of all the cute faces and pretty whimpers he’s had the pleasure of enduring. Yet, there’s only so much–and only much he himself can take before bursting.

“It’s okay but I think I think I’ll need something just a bit more…trying, if you understand.”

Toji only wishes you’d never said that even if the thought was bad enough. He’s been sitting on such a heavy bulge since you walked in, it’s almost hard for him to even think clearly. All the shushed pangs shooting through his pants, the mess of precum he’ll have to face, all the while he has you squirming right over his cock.

He can’t ignore it, a minute longer and he’ll burst from the sprinkles of friction he bears from your shifting hips. Toji has no choice but to scramble through his thoughts now. to find a solution to both growing problems.

“I-I have something we can try…if you’re okay with that, of course?”

All Toji needed to see was your eyes breaking wide, even your lips falling from that tight-knit pout to know just how dedicated to the cause you were.

“And what is it?”

“Get on your knees and I’ll show you.”

You were one to oblige if it meant you’d finally be cured. You were swift to part from Toji, pulling away from the hull of his chest to rest on the plush carpet. Your hands find rest over the curve of your knees as you face him.

You can’t deny it, the heat fizzling deep within your belly. Toji really didn’t have to tell you what he had planned but you knew it’d sound better coming from his sly lips. Why else would be seated on your knees if not to satisfy the growing bulge you’ve been warming for the past half hour?

In truth, the proposed idea was as bizarre as it was thrilling. Your mouth watered at every notion to pass through your brain. You’d finally have a taste of that man, to watch him fall apart at the warmth of your mouth, the swivels of your tongue, and the tight constrict of your throat–why it might just be enough to make you cum at last.

“Now what?” Your head falls into a puzzling tilt.

For his own idea, Toji had no clue where to proceed. Just the sight of you was enough to devastate Toji. You're sitting so politely on your knees, peering back up at him with those misty doe eyes beckoning for his trusty aid—it’s almost too much for him to take.

Toji’s run hot with hysterical anticipation for you. His skin’s bleeding with the purest hues of pink, dotting at the highs of his cheeks and ears alike. It’s embarrassing for him to say but all he can do is imagine how pretty your lips would look fitted around his cock, the swollen mounds laced around the fat head with conviction.

To reach whatever sick fantasy he’s planning, however, Toji’s forced to find an answer fit to satisfy you, one that won’t raise suspicions about his true ambitions.

“Uh…well…studies show that some people get highly aroused by giving pleasure. So let’s see how wet you get sucking me off, ’kay?”

The heat of Toji’s palm sinks into your cheek, the pad of his thumb brushing along your skin. For now, he’s ditched that hardened stare for a new one. He’s softer now, emerald hues glimmering with a hint of resolve for your cause. It’s a gradual pace but you’re falling into his care by the second.

“I’ll coach you through it all so we—I mean— you can get the best out of it. I’m doing this all for you, after all, Sweetheart.”

“Okay…if you think it’s gonna help me…fine. Just…don’t…don’t look at me while I do it.”

All you can do is give Toji a limp nod, granting you both to finally relax in each other’s presence. Your hands gravitate to the clasp of Toji’s belt, the cold metal buckle rattling apart. A gentle lift of his hips is all it takes for his navy slacks to rest bunched at his ankles, pulling his black briefs in tow.

It’s only natural for your eyes to settle upon the raw sight of his cock. Toji’s big, bigger than just what his aura’s led you to believe. But what are his words, his mannerisms, when compared to the hefty girth his cock holds? The tanned fat of his length lays along the ridges of Toji’s abs riddled with pudgy veins.

His balls come with a bloat so full that you’re sure just a mere pass of your tongue could pull every drop he has to offer. Though, it’s the tip of his cock that really earns your attention. The fat head wears only the prettiest imbues of pink and crimson, glossed in the spilling tears of precum.

Small hands lace around the thick girth of Toji’s cock, the flourished forked veins thumping in your hold. You let the fat mushroomed tip drift along your lips, the sheer weight sinking into the plush mounds for a kiss. It’s a soft kiss that you give, one that brings your lips to encircle every inch of the fat head. You can’t help but usher him deeper, a gentle suckle introducing Toji to the warmth of your mouth.

The pink bellhead sits heavy along the curve of your tongue. And suddenly, you’re overwhelmed with everything that relates back to Toji. His scent, taste, and even the heat budding within his cock become all you know.

You draw away for a moment, admiring the thin layer of gloss shrouding the head of his cock. Beneath the pad of your thumb is where your eyes fall flat on the thickest vein to entertain, fat and begging for attention.

The flat of your tongue curls at the vein, painting a wet trail of spit along the heavy underside of his cock. Toji’s the first to break the tense silence, his chest hoisting in a heavy breath. He’s already prepared to cum by your hand. Yet his eyes hinge on the sight of you teasing his cock, that pretty pink tongue innocently licking at his biggest weakness. It takes so much of him to hold back a groan, the poor man resorting to a spill of words instead.

“That’s it, just put your tongue on the underside ‘nd—h-haa…oh fuuck!”

A grin creeps at the corners of your mouth at Toji’s face, fluttering eyes, and laxed jaw. He’s piqued your curiosity, leaving you to wonder just how sensitive he is. You’ve barely done anything to him and yet he’s cast into a state of ruin.

You know it’s a crude thought to entertain but that still doesn’t stop your lips from sealing around the head of his cock once more. Inch by inch is how you take Toji into your mouth, your lips keeping a loose cling around his girth. Your mouth combs over the length of his cock gradually, leaving the thick sheens of spit as you take him in one swift motion.

Determination drives you drunk, your throat so eager to squeeze Toji of his worth. Already, his cock sits so homelily in your throat, his throbbing shaft shooting through your senses. It’s an unsettling virtue you carry, fighting the urge to gag and reject him in its entirety. But when you look back up at his drowsy eyes and fond grin, Toji’s bliss is the sole reason you’re still holding strong.

A burst of awe crackles through your mind. You simply have to admire your own achieved goal of being able to take all of Toji’s cock into your mouth. He makes it easy for you too, his encouraging words and all the head pats serving as your motivation.

“Yes, yes, yes, Right there, Y/N! Just a little bit more, get it all in your mouth.”

He’s trying his hardest to keep calm but it’s all so dizzying to him. You just feel so good around him, taking him like the good girl he knows you are. You’re just so cute, small hands pawing at his inner thighs. It’s taking all of Toji’s strength to keep his thick thighs from smothering you. It’s against your wishes to even blink at you, but Toji has half a mind to ignore the beauty between his very legs.

The onslaught of tremors quaking through Toji’s legs can only stand for one thing—he’s close. From the huffs of his lungs, winces rippling out his throat, and the heavy grip he keeps at the base of your neck, it’s more than even he can handle.

You pay Toji a glance of misty eyes fluttering with white. That evil glance of your eyes rolling back alone was his final straw. The heavy seize of nerves claims every bit of him hostage, leaving Toji to be still in your presence. A word doesn’t have to pass through his lips for you to understand what exactly entrances his heart, mind, and body. Not when a grip like his over the nape of your neck loosens all too quickly.

There’s no exact warning or way to prepare you for the heavy load Toji had for your sweet little throat. But when a squeal is all you can muster out as the thick spurts of white flood the walls of your throat, you know all too well to hold every drop in without delay.

“C’mere,” Toji huffs between breaths, pulling you to fill the expanse of space between his trembling thighs. You’re a mess before him— black patterned tears staining your plump cheeks, swollen lips smeared in a gloss of his precum, even your chin’s doused in a spool of spit that’s dribbled far down past your breasts.

All the mystery and innocence surrounding his favorite client was wiped clean by his very hands. It’s an artwork so rare he’s actually scared to ruin it. But that doesn’t stop Toji’s hands from crowding at your waist, tugging the dress to fall to the ground.

A sliver of Toji’s strength is all he needs to have you pinned beneath him, his hull of a body caging you in. He’s peppering the crook in kisses all over again, pulling you in with the hazy growl of his voice.

“I’m gonna fuck you ‘til all you can do is cum fr’ me.”

“I dunno, so far you’re the only one that’s had their issue fixed,” you pouted, your arms coming into a fold over your chest. Toji can’t help but chuckle at your reasoned display as he brings his knuckles to graze over the high of your cheeks.

It’s a steep threat he’s made indeed, he knows it. Toji’s made it his goal to see your orgasm through to the very end. That alone drives Toji’s hands to be hard at work, ridding himself of what clothes did occupy his body. The white button-down, the navy blazer of his suit, all tossed about the room without a single care. All that remains in his hand is his tie—his favorite one made of a precious white silk.

With his free hand, Toji pulls your arms from your sides and above your head, his sinister plan laid in plain sight. “Gimme your wrists. Can’t have you moving around when I’m at work.” His speech almost rivals that of the smooth fabric that comes to drape past your arms, lacing around to build the pretty bow the thin slack settling above your midway wrists.

Toji turns his attention down the course of your body, digits catching at the rim of your panties. There’s an amused grin that illuminates his sharpened features. He’s intrigued by every little detail to be found, thick fingers flicking at the limp bow in honest tease. He offers you a single glance, chuckling at the pout you wear so perfectly.

“Let’s take these off too, yeah?” Your hips rise to aid Toji, the cotton slipping down your legs and off into the hazy abyss of the office.

Toji’s cock comes to lay between your thighs, slipping right between the plump lips of your pussy. A gasp catches itself in your lungs as the sheer weight of his cock smothers against your clit. A gesture like that can’t afford to go unnoticed, especially under Toji’s keen eye. He has to entice you, to give you a reason to go forward with his senseless idea.

His hips fall into a mimicked pattern of rolls, driving his cock to graze across the hot bud of your clit. He knows it feels good too, to have the heavy length grind against you, the enriched veins plump with blood melding into nothing but white-hot ecstasy. He’ll even go as far as to ensure that the fat head of his cock smears along your clit, pressing the wettest of pecks upon the perked pearl.

He’d be lying if he said you didn’t arouse him. He’s entranced by all the dumb expressions passing over you. Every eye roll, pout, and whimper has him falling over himself. That’s why Toji has to close the distance between you both, his chest buried within the heat of yours. He’s so close that his lips have to purposely brush past your own, a flurry of kisses catching you two in the moment’s heat.

Toji pulls away at last when he knows you’ve had enough, the flushing cold sweeping over your bare physique. He peers down at the awaiting scene, his eyes greeted by his cock dressed in your spill of honey.

“See, just look at how wet you are. Oh, ‘m gonna fucking love this pussy, aren’t I?”

A final drag of his hips pits the thick head cock of Toji’s cock to nip at your fluttering hole, His hand snakes between you, bestowing a careless grip over his shaft. He’s swiping at your glossy slit in breathless awe as a single question arises in his mind.

“You can take it?”

“I can take it!” you whimper, giving a frantic nod to match.

“Then fucking take it. It’s all for you.”

Without another word, Toji’s cock sinks to fill you. It’s the initial drive that claims you, strikes of a ripping heat tracing along your walls. He’s only given you the tip and your poor hole already’s sobbing with a delicious burn. Inch by painstaking inch Toji fills you, your pussy finally giving way for more.

He’s aware he’s asking a lot of you but there really is no other choice but to bully your walls to take him. Yet Toji’s interested in something more heavenly than your enveloping pussy—your teary eyes aimed at the mess unfolding between your legs. An amused hum is all he can get out before his hands slip to brace your arching spine, pulling you up just enough to watch his sinking hips.

“See it? It’s goin’ in nice and slow just for you, pretty girl.”

Why you’re taking Toji well that more than half of his fat cock's been sucked in by the cute cries of your pussy. He’s overwhelming you, a sinful fact he has to ignore. He’s already in so deep that to pull out would only be criminal, not when he’s already to the hot gushing smothers of your walls.

If anything, Toji’s distracting his hinging guilt with your face all over again. It’s the pouts, the winces, the breathless gasps that soothe his guilt. He wants to know all that’s passing through your mind.

Toji’s hand comes to brace the limp fall of your jaw, breaking yet another moan from your lips.

The room’s growing heat carries you both together. A mere peck that grows for every second shared amongst you two. A shared hunger erupts and that alone always lands you in the timeless scene: drunk off each other and urgent for more.

There’s no sense of competition for the lead, no remnant of aggression, only the purest of intentions to be found. That careful art welcomes along the sticky chimes ringing about, the breathless hums of bliss, and Toji’s pitiful wince of desperation.

Toji’s almost in despair for it, the supple heat that the kiss from you provides. He’s so eager for it that he’ll chase every inch of you, Toji’s lips catching the drifting tides of your lips. He’s following your every nod, your every jolt, everything just to hold that extra second he has with you.

He breaks away just for the moment, still hopelessly searching to ease his doubts. His thumb traces the curve of your bottom lip, coaxing you to fall for his lustful spell. “Don’t be shy, baby. Tell me everything you wanna say. If you don’t, I’ll just hear it later.”

“Y’re so big, Toji! So big, and s’ deep! B-But I love it, m-makes me so good,” you babble aloud helplessly. It’s such a passionate ramble that it sends your pussy aflutter at the very thought, your walls capturing his length in an impassioned squeeze.

“Mhmmm—oh fuck, that’s a good girl!”

“M-Me? I’m a good girl?” Your eyes shooting wide at his words.

“‘Course you’re a good girl—My good girl! Takin’ me so well too.”

And he’s right, who else could handle so much of him other than you? His hips can reel from your own, pulling the full brute of his cock from the warmth of your pussy. finally sit against your own, the full brute of his cock sitting pretty in your pussy. He’s falling into the charitable realm of the moment. The matched breaths, the heat flushing out his senses, the throbbing pangs that bleed through his cock.

Toji’s hips only graze along your own for a moment before he’s sent into retreat. He reels away from your heat with a wince, the fat head being left to plug up your hole. His cock gravitates to fill you, desperate to overwhelm your walls with a splitting stretch. He was kind at first but now those lazy, laggard draws are now spiked with a swift drive.

The rolling tide of Toji’s hips feeds you his cock all too easily. He’s fucking right at it, hitting your sweet spot without a doubt. Bit by bit, he’s hitting deeper than before too, the prodding head sulling your cervix in messy pecks.

Your body tells him all he needs to know. All the gasps, broken moans, and even the bucks of your hips give Toji a prideful power high. It’s enough for him to ramble out with his thoughtless notions, calling in just very thing he’s itching to observe.

“Go on ‘nd play with yourself. Lemme see you play with that cute pussy of yours, Sweetheart.”

It’s a struggle, twisting your bonded arms to squeeze between what space Toji allowed. Your lithe fingers fight for a steady brace over the hood of your clit. It’s messy but you can manage painting loose circles over the slicked bud.

All Toji can do is coo at you and poor attempts, clicking his tongue in detest. He’s watching you, how your fingers can’t remain consistent over the puffy button. You’re shamefully lacking the pressure, the gradual teasing speed, all the tools needed to reach a proper orgasm—something he knows too much about.

“No wonder you can’t cum, you need so much lovin’ than that,” Toji surmises with a smear. He feels remorse for you, really. It’s no wonder you couldn’t achieve anything close to an orgasm, you needed more than what your body’s led on—all pent up with stress and anxiety, with no real way of release.

It’s because of his newfound pity that the pads of his thumbs break from your inner thigh to your cunt, prying the swollen mounds from their sticky clasp. His mouth purses at the reveal of your pussy, dribbling streams of drool to spill over your clit.

The heat of his thumb strums at your puffy hood, engraving traces of hearts and the bubbly lather of his spit to induce your impending high. He can feel how close you are, how you’re so hesitant to allow yourself something so sinfully deserving.

You have all you need to cum—his cock dragging at your walls in tempered heights, his worked thumbs calling your nerves into a spry rave. Toji’s even willing break his comfort for you, bringing his forehead to rest against your own. His eyes hold in line with yours, reaching to the depth of your very being with one single plea

“It’s okay, just relax. You gotta let it out…fr’ me, please?”

Your lips part to give some answer, but all that’s to come is a cracked sob. All you have left in you is a single roll of Toji’s hips, the dipping tides pulling forth your long-awaited high. Your walls clench him in place, forcing his thighs to catch the weeping salacious tears of your cunt.

Astonishment shatters Toji’s focused composure, his eyes pinned to the sight. At last, he can see it, your pussy sputtering out all the pent-up worries. It’s not until he peers back at you that he sheds such joy from mind, your bewildered expression searching for an explanation.

“I’m so sorry Toji! I-I don’t know what just happened, I just–”

“I don’t care about that!” He interjects with a boyish grin. You can’t help but study the more before you, the sticky thread of black hair stuck to his forehead, the dots of pink drifting across his cheeks. Toji doesn’t bother to pull out from you, his hips sending his cock to sit deeper inside you.

The excitement that breaks across him is contagious, your lips catching a grin similar to his. In celebration of his efforts, Toji can only smother you in kisses, his lips peppered along the highs of your polished cheeks.

“Question is…can you give me another?”

A feverish nod falls from your head, holding a weary smile in tow.

“Good. A pretty pussy like yours was always gonna need me anyways.”

#jujutsu kaisen #jujustsu kaisen smut #jujustsu kaisen x reader #jujutsu kaisen x reader #jjk drabbles #jjk smut #toji x reader #jjk toji #toji smut #toji fushiguro #jujutsu kaisen toji #jujutsu toji #toji fushigro x reader #fushiguro toji x reader #cw sex mention #cw smut #//✫ ˚♡ ⋆｡ ❀—𝐓𝐎𝐉𝐈!//

[gachagon]

This is actually a pretty big deal.

Not just because Kaiser has passed to someone else, not even because he said "please" and learned humility, but because Kaiser is finally engaging with the rest of the team and has stopped isolating himself. And we KNOW Kaiser has trouble doing that, Kaiser can't even sit at lunch with other players without lashing out at them for being friendly to him, unkindness and cruelty are all he knows and the only form of "camaraderie" that he allows is absolute obedience and submission.

So for him to pass to Raichi Jingo...of ALL people for an assist is bonkers, because he is allowing himself to finally be human. Kaiser thought he was becoming human until this game when he realized he actually was limiting himself, and that by isolating himself to such a degree he had become less of an "untouchable king" and more of a loner coward who only picks fights he can finish.

Oh and I just know this is having disastrous effects on Ness' mental health (you can literally see it in his eyes good lord) but you have no idea how much this means to Kaiser.

Kaiser has found the answer he's always been seeking for, and he's playing differently now because he finally gets it now. And he's so right in that the only reason he was able to get there in the first place is because of Isagi knocking some sense into him. I know we all have been saying that Isagi and Kaiser are like foils and mirrors to one another, and this chapter is Kaiser finally seeing the reflection for like the first time since he's met Isagi.

And that's huge because they can finally get somewhere together now and finally work towards the common goal they have, and Kaiser has found a new ego to bolster that's healthier for him. This is a prime opportunity for him to grow and change as a person, not just a player!

And I LOVE this because it still fits with the idea that Kaiser has achieved the impossible even if it's not what people were expecting. If you had told Raichi or Isagi last arc that in the NEXT game Micheal Kaiser will learn what humility is and willingly help Isagi with scoring, they'd both probably laugh at you and say "That's impossible". And yet here we are.

Kaiser was afraid of losing everything he had up until that very point just last chapter, and now he has thrown everything to the dogs because he knows that it won't matter in the end. He's admitted the truth to himself and is now playing in a way that actually benefits everyone.

#bllk #blue lock #blue lock manga #isagi yoichi #kaisagi #micheal kaiser #blue lock spoilers

[rae-writes]

pre/early relationship things + Naruto boys <3

sawft bois, cute bois, sweet bois || 0.9k

Kankuro asking you to wait for him after the war: there's some things he's gotta figure out (including getting all his feelings together) and some things he needs to do, so he asks you to wait with a sheepish smile at the gates of Konoha

Kankuro's really glad he had his face paint over his cheeks because he feels a blush spread across them when you rub your thumb over the paint and smear two purple lines over your own cheeks in acceptance

And Kankuro nearly falls out in the floor when, a few weeks later, he's back in the sand village opening a letter from Temari and a picture falls out: you're standing in front of a mirror, purple eye pencil in hand, as you very clearly mimic a thinner style of his paint markings- with a bright smile plastered over your face as you look at the camera

Kankuro decides he has to go back to the Leaf as soon as possible. He needs you to be his. Really his.

Naruto trying his hardest to keep a clean presentation in front of you at first; neat hair, no sloppy clothes, wiped off face. He's just really nervous because he really likes you and wants to..essentially detach any images you may have of him from all the village gossip (even though you don't think anything but the best of him)

So Naruto was about to have a meltdown when he bumped into you as he ran late for a team meeting: bedhair fluffed out and sticking up the wrong way, clothes askew and barley put on properly, cheeks and mouth covered in crumbs and jam from his on-the-go breakfast that was clutched half eaten in his equally messy hand

But before he could disappear on the spot and go crawl in a hole and die, Naruto found himself with a racing heart and red cheeks when you gave him a sweet little laugh and helped him out. Your fingers in his hair, brushing and smoothing out the stubborn strands, running along his chest as you straightened his undershirt and zipped his jacket, swiping at his cheeks and lips to get rid of the mess (and sticking your thumb in your mouth to clean off the jam was just the nail in the coffin)

Naruto decides right then and there that he's gonna marry you someday (and when he realizes he said that out loud, he'll practically explode in a shade of red before stammering out a loud "Believe it!" before running off to go meet his team)

Watching Kakashi attempt subtlety as he stares at your lips whenever you're talking or simply just lounging around with him. He wants to kiss you so badly but he's not ready to take off his mask just yet but the thought of kissing you is on his mind so much that he thinks he might go insane if he doesn't get to learn how it feels

It's gotten to the point where Kakashi always presses his forehead against your temple, covered nose and mouth brushing over your cheek in jaw as he plays it off as exhaustion; really, though, he's just a little embarrassed (and a bit scared) to ask you to kiss him without removing his mask

Which leaves Kakashi absolutely shell shocked and delighted all at once when, as you're seeing him off before his mission, you press your lips against his through the mask as a parting gift (leaving the scent of your flavored chapstick behind on the fabric, something that keeps his mind just as occupied as before he got a kiss, only now it's because he needs to taste that flavor- mask be damned)

Shikamaru starting to debate the way he acts with you after seeing his friends with their partners, realizing he's never really asked you how you felt about his...lazy habits when hanging out and wonders if you're actually as okay with it as you seem

It's a real drag, honestly, Shikamaru thinks- having to question something he's never had self doubt on before. He makes up his mind that he's just going to ask you straight out and get it over with. His brilliant plan goes out the window and into the trash, though, when you trudge into his house for your date night and curl up beside him, mentioning something about 'been looking forward to our weekly shared nap' (which makes his heart speed up, hindering him from even being able to fall asleep. he wasn't complaining- for once- not after seeing you so at ease with his lazy habits)

Kiba not knowing why Akamaru runs off for around thirty minutes each afternoon after training is over, but not minding too much since his fluffy companion always comes back from wherever with his tail wagging and tongue out happily. He does get curious, though, so he ends up following along one day

And Kiba about dies on the spot when he sees Akamaru bounding up to you, the civilian that he has a giant crush on (who always smiles and waves at him, no matter what, in passing). He watches his tank of a hound sprawl in your lap- almost covering your entire body- and get petted and cooed at. He stumbles over with a dumb grin and heated cheeks, making easy conversation

When he leaves with Akamaru in tow, Kiba formulates a plan to finally ask you out, hopefully using his best furry wing man to help

#naruto x reader #naruto imagines #naruto headcanons #kankuro x reader #kakashi x reader #kakashi hatake x reader #shikamaru x reader #shikamaru nara x reader #naruto uzumaki x reader #kiba x reader #kiba inuzuka x reader

[iwasdear]

I'm coming in with another thought about Matsukawa cus he lives in a penthouse in my brain and bro is not moving out any time soon

he did not truely grasp how big his meat was until he lost his virginity

sure he's not dumb he knew it was definitely something but not until he got a girl in bed did he realize his shtick was built different

and lemme say that did more than just inflate his ego, he was a changed man

And doesn't just slang it all willy nilly and expect his size to do all the work, he learned the motion of the ocean and was a certified sex god from that point forward‼

Not just cocky for cockys sake, he promises a good time and sure as hell lays it tf down too😼

On a similar note can I ask how you think all the seijoh 4 first times went? when? how? what do you think?

oh i definitely fuck with this thought, anon. he's not cocky just because he can be cocky, but it's because he knows he can be cocky. matsukawa isn't like those annoying mfs that are cocky because they think they're the shit. he is the shit. after that encounter where he lost his virginity, he became a god and nobody could stop him no more.

now, here is how i think seijoh 4z first time went ( with reader ) ★

oikawa had his first time at a party. since he's very popular, he gets invited to parties often. i feel like he def had no idea as to what the fuck to do, but i mean, you're not bound to knows when it's your first time, right? he was really excited about it, though, and spoiler: he came really fast! we understand, king. hormones are everywhere, there's a rush that's hard to ignore, its a first time sensation, how could he hold back? he had a round two after that because he reached his own high, but reader didn't even get to enjoy theirs, and let me tell you. his second orgasm hit him ten times harder. i know this messed up with his ego so he's been participating in every no nut november like a loser because he says it will help him last longer (it really doesn't).

mattsun had a pretty decent first time with a date, and it went absolutely amazing for both of them. the amount of stamina this guy has is insane. they met on a dating app, both of their profiles specifying that they didn't want anything serious, much rather looking for a quick hook-up. it was then when matsukawa realized his cock was in fact not your average dick. the fact that his huge buddy could make someone cry in pain fascinated him. my guy has morals so he held back so reader could adjust but god was his ego over the roof. ever since then, mattsun proudly carries a weapon between his legs.

makki had his first time in a damn club HANDS DOWN. unlike oikawa, who had the commodity of a (strangers) bed, hanamaki went at it in a bathroom. oh yeah. ngl i feel like he's a sucker for head, so they went with that first! he loved it, btw. lasted quite long but not too long, iykwim. then he proceeded to fuck reader on the sink. some clubs tend to have full body mirrors and my gut is telling this mf had a second round but this time full view on said mirror. the ones above the sink weren't it for him. out of the 4, i personally think makki is the most experienced. he knew what he was doing the moment they walked into that bathroom. if you're wondering, they waited for it to empty out and locked the doors and didn't let anyone in for a good two hours, teehee.

this one may be a little too biased because i love iwaizumi a little too much, and in my eyes, he's a gentleman. unlike the other 3, iwa had his first time with someone he was in a stablished relationship with at the time. it was actually quite romantic and beautiful and SIKE. hajime had his first time in the lockers. stressed from dealing with oikawa and his annoying fangirls, mattsun and makki holding him back from beating the shit out of his best friend, and just built up stress from other things. he was over it. the stablished relationship part is true. he asked reader to meet in the lockers a little earlier than the time practice usually ends because he heard from others (mattsun) that sex was a good stress reliever. by the way, iwaizumi was the last to lose his virginity. the gentleman part was also true because despite being someone who doesn't speak his mind outloud, my man still had the courage to confidently ask reader if they could do the deed right there and then. tbh i feel like he likes his privacy, and i mean, anyone could walk in any second, so they both went with the showers. great experience if you ask him, but he would NOT do it in an open space like that ever again.

© iwasdear | more thoughts are welcome!

#★ : kyo answers! #anime #haikyuu #aoba johsai #seijoh #seijoh four #seijoh 4 #oikawa tooru #issei matsukawa #takahiro hanamaki #iwaizumi hajime #oikawa smut #matsukawa smut #hanamaki smut #iwaizumi smut #haikyuu smut #seijoh x reader #seijoh smut #aoba johsai smut #aoba johsai x reader

[animeomegas]

What if Itachi returns to the village and meets the Alpha he was in love with before. They clashed more than once while Itachi was in Akatsuki and now Itachi may want to try to improve relations. Or Itachi will avoid Alpha. There's so much potential for drama.

Yess, this would be such a good part of the Itachi lives AU.

I don't think Itachi views himself as someone worthy of forgiveness. I can see him avoiding the alpha, or being overly formal if he has to interact with them, until they confront him.

I also reckon Itachi has his chakra permanently supressed so that he can't access it anymore, as part of the agreement for his re-entry into Konoha. Sasuke would throw a fit about that, but Itachi agrees, because honestly he doesn't mind.

He's probably living in a very small, dingy flat as he figures out what to do for a living now. He won't accept clan funds because it doesn't feel right. He's just miserably keeping to himself, occasionally spending time with Sasuke in neutral territory as they slowly, slowly rebuild their relationship.

And it's up to the alpha to confront him. To drag him to live with them, or help him find a job he actually likes, or just offer to slowly get to know each other again.

Itachi now has to find a dream when he's never been allowed to think of that before. This version of Itachi never has children. The only child he might ever spend any time with is if Sasuke has one. So what is his dream?

I think it depends on how the people in his life steer him, but I think it would be lovely if he started a plant nursery. Itachi enjoys bringing life, spending time with plants that don't stare or judge, and learning something that isn't going to kill anyone.

This whole AU is super interesting haha, I could talk on it forever, but I'll stop for now! <3

#asks #itachi #itachi lives au #a/b/o #omegaverse #headcanons

[archie-sunshine]

you will regret giving me the ability to talk about my blorbo <3

okay so i’m going to be talking about sunstreaker from the idw1 continuity. though to be entirely honest that’s the only continuity where he gets any story whatsoever. 

so! sunstreaker and his brother sideswipe were forged and the two of them almost joined the decepticons when the faction was in it’s infancy. this was back when megatron was recruiting people via his gladiator pits but both of the twins ended up backing out. 

now one thing you need to understand about sunstreaker is that he’s a massive cunt. just an absolute egotistical piece of shit. he’s self absorbed, a bit of a psychopath (he loves violence and fighting and generally is willing to fuck shit up) and is a prissy son of a bitch who cares very deeply about his personal appearance. 

he rose up through the autobot ranks, though in true idw fashion we never actually learn his rank, only that he trained and led his brother and a few other soldiers in a battle (indicating that he was at least above the average bot in terms of rank).

due to his nature as a showoff, something he didn’t really seem to do out of malice, just sort of wanting to show that he’s good at what he does. sideswipe, his brother, developed an absolute hatred for his brother. sunstreaker, seemingly, did not know about this hatred and continued on like everything was normal. 

now, right at the beginning of the idw phase one comics, sunstreaker, along with ratchet, prowl, jazz, wheeljack, ironhide, and bumblebee, were deployed to earth, where they remained undercover from the humans. this is about the time when verity carlo and a few other humans got caught up in the autobot versus decepticon war. 

around this time a human organisation named skywatch, who had been spying on the autobots, ended up capturing sunstreaker. they then promptly stripped him all the way down to his helm, plugged him into a computer, and then used the schematics they acquired from ripping him to shreds to build a set of soldiers known as the headmasters (humans who were able to transform into copies of sunstreaker’s helm and then pilot clones of his body around all while the main head (sunstreaker himself) helped support the weird hivemind skywatch had created. 

during this time he developed an intensive suicidal ideation and wanted only to die. so much so that when hunter, a human working with carly who had also been captured by skywatch, found him hooked up to a computer, his only wish was for hunter to kill him. 

hunter did not do this. instead he managed to transfer sunstreaker’s consciousness to his head and the two then went on a journey to find a way to get the both of them healed. (hunter at this time had been turned into a headmaster and he was having a terrible time). 

while this was all happening his brother, sideswipe, had journeyed to earth to find him. not because sideswipe actually wanted to help his brother because he loved him, but so that sideswipe could prove to everyone that he was better than sunstreaker. 

they both eventually got healed and sunstreaker swore revenge against all of humanity. he wanted humans dead so badly that he made a deal with starscream of all guys and ended up getting the entire autobot force stationed on earth sent through a space bridge and trapped on an irradiated cybertron. 

during this time he accused mirage (who had been having weird dreams about being a traitor to the autobots) of treason and being the one to rat them out to the decepticons and ironhide (who had lost his memories) beat the ever living shit out of mirage. sunstreaker was wracked with guilt and he eventually sacrificed himself to blow up a bridge filled with insecticons. 

he assumed that he would die. he did not. (because his suffering will never end). 

he then spent like, actual years stranded as a broken frame underneath a pile of insecticon corpses wishing to die. eventually he was found by alpha trion who repaired him and then sunstreaker and ironhide (who also got left behind) were tasked with killing the rest of the insecticon swarm. 

during this time he ran into a small insecticon who was away from the main pack. seemingly out of anger, sunstreaker named the little guy bob and the two quickly became very close friends. i say anger because sunstreaker gives him a human name but they are besties and bob is basically sunstreaker’s emotional support insecticon. 

here’s bob!

i love him <3

anyways after this sunstreaker doesn’t really show up as much but he ends up joining the lost light until the end of dark cybertron, where he chooses to stay on cybertron. he becomes a minor background character until sideswipe and arcee end up getting very badly injured on earth. 

he spends most of his time trying to figure out a way to heal his brother which ultimately fails. sideswipe dies and arcee names a baby cybertronian after him. 

i fucking love sunstreaker so fucking much. he’s violent, angry, self absorbed and generally a massive fucking prick who only cares about himself and his weird little bug. he’s everything an autobot shouldn’t be and yet he’s still one. he endlessly fascinates me and i deeply wish that he showed up in more media because every single fucking time they put sideswipe in a show sunstreaker is never there alongside them.

this was nearly 1000 words. so um. i love him :3

God Jesus lord. Idk what I expected but it certainly wasn’t any of that If I’m honest!!!

He definitely sounds like the kind of character I wouldn’t be the hugest fan of, but i do appreciate you going out of your way to tell me all about him!! As promises, a blorbo essay gets a blorbo doodle

Sorry that this pic looks absolutely baked.

#archie answers #my art #transformers #mutuals #sunstreaker

[ray2509]

"are you really sure you'll pass this test?", samu stared at you waiting for you to answer while you were chewing on your pen instead of solving the equation right in front of you.

"listen, I'm trying. it's hard. i understand the concept I just have no motivation to keep going on its boring and annoying and I just wanna get it over with!" you replied before resting your head on samu's study table. samu knew you were trying, you're good at almost all subjects, even basic mathematics is fine but statistics is something that even he struggled with but if you end up failing this exam you'll be done for and you'll be held back this semester. which is why he decided to tutor you over the weekend after he saw you sobbing in your dorm. he's been friends with you for a pretty long time but he's never seen you cry over academics. you're not the brightest student yet you end up getting good enough marks everytime.

"fine then let's make a deal. if you end up finishing this module by tonight I'll make your favourite dish tonight and I'll also pack it up for you so you can have it later" he said as he pulled your chair closer to his. you were real close to his face this time. samu smelled like heaven, he was a guy very particular about his hygiene which he learned a hard way when he got rejected last time because a girl said he smelled like rotten meat. since then everytime you've been next to him he's smelled like a garden and it's gotten you a bit horny you won't lie. you held back a smile when samu had pulled you towards himself you were still very close to his face and lost in thoughts when he poked your forehead so that you pay attention.

"sounds tempting I'll give it a try ONLY if you promise to also make my favourite dessert", you replied as you shifted a bit back, resting your head on samu's gaming chair. he gave you that to sit on so that you study comfortably.

"done. I'll go prepare the food and you finish the rest of the sums. and remember if it's not done then no favourite food tonight", he smiled and gave you a kiss on top of your head as he left.

Osamu Miya was a huge guy and everyone knew that. Before you had become friends with him he was actually your party crush as in everytime you were attending a party on campus he was the one you looked for since he was always there at some or the other party. He is tall, broad, had an athlete's built and you had just gotten out of a relationship so hooking up with him seemed like the only idea you had in mind that was until you came to know he has a girlfriend. You did end up becoming friends with samu tho but maybe that little crush you had on him never fully left and you were always reminded of that while you were around him.

after an hour samu entered the room to check up on you but he couldn't find you in the room so he started calling out your name throughout the house. he was relieved when you told him you're in the bathroom taking a quick shower as you felt really sleepy and maybe cold water would help with that. while you were showering your clothes that were hanging on the hook fell directly into the tub, your literally only pair of clean clothes that you had here. you called out samu's name and asked him to bring you any clothes he could find. now you're a not skinny, nowhere near skinny but osamu was huge enough for his clothes to fit you so the tshirt wasn't an issue at all. it was the shorts that wouldn't go up your hips. you gave up after a while and decided to spend the rest of the time there in your panties and his oversized tshirt.

"hey look i finished cooki-" samu looked you up and down, his eyes huge as if they were gonna pop out of the sockets anytime soon now. "wow uhh wow uhhh" he was trying to find words but he couldn't.

"will you finish the sentence lol" you smirked as you took the plate from him and headed towards the room. "come inside we have to finish the syllabus remember?"

samu followed you trying his very best to keep his eyes up but he couldn't help but take a sneak every few seconds at your plush thighs.

"i finished half of it I'll do the rest later" you said while you were eating, focused on your food completely unaware that samu was now fully hard and trying to keep that hidden from you by covering it up with a pillow. with every passing second it just kept getting worse for him, he was struggling pushing the pillow down but it kept popping up. you were immersed in the amazing food though so you hardly noticed.

"samu this is so good this is like a a lot better than the last time you made it did you change something in the recipe?", you just finished munching and looked up to see samu's face red and a pillow between his legs. "are you okay? do you have a fever samu?", you asked him, interfering his wild train of thoughts. samu never said it out loud but he had started liking you the day y'all became friends. your cute smile, your loud laughs, your pretty hair, your gorgeous eyes had all turned him crazy for you. he couldn't help but go on and on and on about it to tsumu everytime he came home after meeting you. this is also why he had wanted to tutor you as he thought you'd spend a lot more time together.

"oh yeah dw I'm fine", too distracted by you samu removed his hand from the pillow which sprung up and fell down, your jaw was on the floor now you had never gasped this way ever in your life.

"samu what"

"listen oh fuck", he stood up and ran towards the washroom. you followed him immediately,he was locked inside. you knocked on the door and called out his name but he just wouldn't budge.

"FINE I'LL THROW THE FOOD AND FAIL TOMORROW'S EXAM", you shouted hoping he'd come out now. it worked, he was out in a sec.

"why are you hard as a cactus samu"

"uhh idk morning wood ig"

"samu it's 4pm. what morning wood......"

"fine it's you. it's your gorgeous thighs and the fact that you're wearing my oversized tshirt and also i guess you're not wearing a bra", he said mumbling the last few words.

"do you like me or is it just because you're seeing me like this and I'm just any girl"

"well yeah I've liked you for a while"

samu was red, he was embarrassed and ashamed and a million thoughts were running in his mind. now that he had told you that he likes you would you not talk to him, how would you react etc etc but you did something he didn't expect. you tiptoed, put your arms around his neck and kissed him. he was surprised for a second but then he held your waist and kissed you back. his hands wandering around your waist, sliding down to your ass groping you. then he slid his hand up your shirt to grab your boobs. you could feel his cock throbbing against you. he picked you up and took you inside his room and gently placed you on the bed, kissing your neck and caressing your thighs. you flipped him over.

"let me take care of you samu" you said before you got on your knees at the end of the bed and pulled his shorts down revealing his big throbbing cock leaking precum. you'd never had someone as big as him before. you swirled your tounge around his tip as you pumped his shaft.

"fuck y/n please you're driving me crazy", he said as he threw his head back.

you continued to stroke his cock with your hands while sucking on his balls as he grunted in pleasure, stiffling a moan but a quick lick against his shaft made him moan loud enough. samu was desperate to cum and he was already close as he had fantasized about this day for years now and now he's finally had it, his long throbbing length deep inside your mouth with your plump lips around them. you started opening your tshirt and watched samu gape at your tits and even before he could register it you put his cock in between your tits pumping him up and down while you licked his red plump tip occasionally. samu couldn't hold it in any longer and released his thick cum in spurts all over your face. he sat back trying to catch his breath while you got up and snuggled beside him.

"i like you too you know"

#osamu chubby reader #haikyuu hcs #haikyuu x plus size reader #haikyuu chubby hcs #osamu x reader #miya osamu #miya twins #osamu miya #haikyuu plus size #haikyuu links #friends #friends to lovers #friends to more #smut #haikyuu smut #sex with miya osamu what else OMG #haikyuu reader angst #haikyuu reader #haikyuu

[flumpermergen]

Very important very canonical list of what BSD characters would say “urm what the sigma” either ironically or unironically

Dazai and Ranpo both say it ironically often back and forth to each other or to confuse the rest of the agency. Dazai especially would say it after a ten minute lecture by Kunikida in which Kunikida would respond with another ten minutes of yelling at him for not taking anything seriously.

Yosano says it once or twice when the moment’s right mostly to tease Kunikida for taking it so literally but not nearly as often as the other two.

Kyouka and Kenji heard Ranpo and Dazai say it and started repeating it even though neither of them understand what it means but it sounds funny.

Lucy joins in with Dazai and Ranpo in saying it especially towards Atsushi who doesn’t get it but just awkwardly laughs it off cause he doesn’t know how else to respond.

Tachihara said it once with the black lizards and again with the hunting dogs and both times was met with confused silence. He was trying to get a laugh but ended up just feeling hella cringy and never said it again out of embarrassment.

Gin actually did giggle when Tachihara said it but no one heard it under her mask. Now she mumbles it under her breath occasionally and once said it in front of Akutagawa who was also very confused.

In another life I firmly believe that Q would be an IPad kid who laughs at skibidi toilet jokes. If he ever were to canonically gain internet access he would defo laugh at and use the phrase unironically.

Take one look at Kajii and try to tell me he doesn’t say the most cringy chronically online shit every time he opens his mouth.

Nikolai starts saying it all the time the minute he hears the phrase. Everyone else just assumes it’s something he made up to annoy Sigma so they don’t question it. Meanwhile Sigma himself is initially confused as to why Gogol keeps using his name in vain like someone would to god. He increasingly gets more and more annoyed at it because it’s very obvious Nikolai is only doing it to make him upset. Once Sigma is at peak annoyance, Gogol starts replacing the word sigma with other words that start with the letter S like scallop or something to subvert his expectations. This only makes Sigma more annoyed as it’s obviously just a replacement for his name and its meaning remains the same. Although Sigma acknowledges how silly getting all worked up over something stupid Nikolai did is, he still can’t help it. Gogol uses the excuse that he’s not saying his name anymore so he can’t get mad at him. Finally one day Nikolai airdrops Sigma multiple TikTok’s about “sigma males” causing Sigma to have an existential crisis over what his name means and the implications of being named after such a thing cause he would never treat women that way all while Nikolai laughs about it from afar.

Natsume because of the vibe and I think it would be really funny

Come back next week to learn which kids 2000’s/2010’s virtual world each bsd character played on obsessively and why.

#bungou stray dogs #bsd #bsd shitpost #dazai osamu #bsd dazai #ranpo edogawa #bsd ranpo #yosano akiko #bsd yosano #bsd kyouka #bsd kenji #bsd lucy #bsd tachihara #bsd gin #bsd kajii #bsd nikolai #nikolai gogol #bsd sigma #flump! #I got lazy with tagging lol #this is very important I can’t keep these ideas in #I should start tagging stuff as shower thoughts cause a majority of the shit I come up with #is a result of being forced to be alone with my thoughts for a certain amount of time #my fav way to analyze characters is through determining if they would be chronically online or not #unrelated but I’ve been rewatching the anime if you couldn’t tell lmao

[catboybiologist]

Why don't you take Spiro anymore? (You mentioned this in a recent post)

My T is sufficiently suppressed without it. Estrogen and Testosterone inhibit each other through indirect pathways- both signal the hypothalamus and pituitary, which in turn signal the testes/ovaries to produce more or less of their hormone. Unfortunately, T is a more potent suppressor of E than vice versa, so a blocker is needed to drop T levels at first (usually), which then lets E get high. Once E is high enough, then it can suppress T production on its own. For me specifically, I've never had a problem suppressing T, especially later into HRT when my E was getting somewhat higher. Even after quitting spiro, my T has never gotten above 20 ng/dL, and is mostly around 15 ng/dL, which is on the low side of normal even for cis women. AA in general are theoretically unnecessary once E is high enough to suppress T on their own, but this varies strongly dependent on the individual hormone metabolism from person to person. Fun fact, this is also why masculinizing hormone therapy is way simpler than feminizing hormone therapy- T is potent enough to inhibit E right off the bat without extra help.

Personal consideration to add here: I'm quickly learning that I'm a rapid metabolizer, along with about 20-30% of the human population. Essentially this means that most medication has shorter effect periods on me, and I believe it also has had an effect on how effectively my T got suppressed. My T levels were low almost immediately when I started HRT, and I started with spiro. But, the price I had to pay is that its taken forever for my E to go up. With that in mind, I realized that for me specifically, I didn't have to worry about my T going back up if my E wasn't high enough yet.

The above are about why I felt spiro was unnecessary, but why not take it just in case? Simple- side effects. I was having very noticeable diuretic side effects to the point where it interfered with my usual routines, so I tried to quit as soon as I could. Once I quit, a brain fog that I didn't even notice was there, lifted. I was having a lot of issues that I now realize were due to low sodium- my energetics were fucked, my vision was getting hazy when I stood up, and my heart pounded in situations it didn't need to. When I quit spiro, these stopped almost immediately, and I realized that these were side effects that I hadn't even registered as side effects.

These were considerations I made based on my own personal situation, but hopefully it helps. I haven't been on an AA since February or so. I actually just got a levels test back (spreadsheet update pending) and it confirms that my T has been within cis female ranges since early October, and on the low side of cis female ranges since early November.

In my personal opinion, AAs should be used more conservatively than it currently is, but are still necessary for HRT. My ideal HRT based on papers I've seen, personal experience, and conversations with my provider is essentially: brief period of E monotherapy-> E+AA until T is suppressed and E levels are high -> E monotherapy -> additional considerations (like prog). This is not coming from a medical perspective, though, just an anecdotal one.

#mtf hrt

[gretavangroupie]

G13 - Finish What Ya Started

Spinning Now: "Finish What Ya Started" by Van Halen (1988)

Pairing: Josh x Female Reader

Word Count: 8.2k

Description: You and Josh, your favorite new co worker, decide to share more than drinks as what started as a normal night turns into something you never expected.

Warnings: Smoking, Drinking, Cursing, Drug Use, Heavy Flirting, Praise, Dirty Talk, Touching, Mention of Breakups and Heartbreak, Sadness. Smut: Kissing, Oral M!Receiving

New town, new job, new life. 

That’s always how things went in the movies, and every time, the girl always got her happy ending.

How hard can it be, right?

After you’d managed to knock the first new off your list when you moved out of your ex’s house and to the next city over, the “job” part was next in line. After a week of filling out applications, you finally landed on the perfect selection, a serving job at Angelo’s Pizza.

You’d started this new job about about three months ago, and you finally felt like you were getting your footing with the flow of things. You’d been a server for as long as you could remember, but getting used to a new restaurant with new people and new menus and management could sometimes prove to be difficult. You were handling it with as much grace as you could, and the money was killer, so you stuck it out.

“You coming to the bar with me tonight?” your new favorite coworker, Josh asked as he stared into the kitchen from the expo window, rolling a pile of coasters across the countertop. 

“Mmmh…” You mumbled under your breath. “I dunno, I’ve been here since lunch and my feet are absolutely killing me.”

”Ugh don’t be such a prude, Y/N.” He responded, taking a pepperoni and cheese in one hand, and a supreme in the other. “We’ll be sitting down the whole time. Ya know. In barstools.”

“Shut the fuck up.” You teased, elbowing him in the ribs. “I guess so, but I can’t stay out late like last weekend. I open tomorrow.”

“Oooo, a clopen. That sucks. Well, I don’t. So I can get drunk, and you can watch me.” He flashed you a giant smile before taking off with the pizzas in hand, disappearing into the sea of people seated in the restaurant.

Josh had befriended you on your very first day, comforting you after your manager harshly scolded you for ringing something in incorrectly. 

“Don’t worry about it.” He’d said as you pouted in the walk-in. “I still fuck my shit up all the time. The cooks don’t really care, plus if you mess somethin’ up, we get to eat the fucked up pizza.” That was the only thing he said to you the entire day, but it really stuck with you, immediately making you feel a lot better about your tiny mistake. 

Now, after a few months of working side by side with Josh, you’d actually gotten to know each other fairly well, and you’d even go as far as calling him one of your good friends. You’d managed to get to know all your coworkers on a surface level, but Josh actually took the time to listen to you when you spoke, and showed real interest in the things you had to say, no matter how menial. 

He was cute, and around the same age as you, but there was something about Josh that you couldn’t put your finger on. It was something that struck you, making him stand out from the rest of the guys you worked with. His aura pulled you in, and the way his eyes sparkled in the neon that covered the walls of the restaurant didn’t help the fact that he sometimes made your heart skip a beat. You decided that it was just his looks, though, catching you off guard every once in a while as you were around him more. Most importantly, he made you feel welcome. Like a good friend should. 

The more you got to know Josh, the more open he became with you, and you quickly learned that his real personality outside of work was a little bit different than when you were on the clock. It’d become almost a habit, now, joining Josh at his favorite dive bar down the street when you’d both end up on the same closing schedule. It was like Groundhog Day, Josh would ask you to come out, you’d find an excuse to turn him down, but you always left Angelo’s with your hand in his as you tiredly dragged yourselves down the street. Sometimes other coworkers would join you, but it was always the two of you left shutting the bar down, joking and laughing with one another as you waited for your Ubers.

Josh was quickly becoming a norm for you. A fun, platonic norm. And though you were both flirty with one another, it never felt as though it would go past anything but that. Just friends. And you were very content with that. 

So tonight, as things wound down and the patrons closed out their tabs, you felt as if you really could use a nightcap or two to reward yourself for not making even one mistake on your orders today.

As you tied the oversized trash bag closed, you met eyes with Josh as he skillfully swiped the mop across the sticky, sauce-covered floor. 

He grinned when he saw you looking, making your stomach drop. “What?” He asked, biting his lower lip in as he staved off a full-on smile.

“Nothing. Just thinking about how you roped me into going out again tonight.” You said with faux aggravation.

Josh sucked in his teeth as he plopped the mop back into the big yellow bucket, rolling it over to where you stood. “Actually, I asked you out with me tonight for another reason. I wasn’t kidding when I said I was gonna get absolutely shit hammered, tonight.” His tone was serious rather than silly, and you instantly felt like something was wrong.

“What’s the other reason?” You pressed, lifting the bag from the can. “Everything okay?”

He shook his head and swallowed, opening the double doors to the kitchen to go and dump his bucket. You followed closely behind him with your trash. 

“Eh, not really. I’ll tell you all about it when we get there. Let’s lock this bitch up.” He flashed his eyes to the floor as he spoke, which was unlike him. He always spoke with such confidence and effortless ease. 

The two of you finished up your closing tasks and said goodnight to the line cooks, grabbing up your things from your lockers and stuffing your aprons back inside. Josh was quiet the whole time, again striking you as out of the ordinary. You hadn’t known Josh long, but you did know him well enough to know that something was off, and he wasn’t handling it well.

“Think I’m going straight for liquor tonight.” He said as you walked arm in arm down the crowded sidewalk to the bar. He tilted his head back, blowing a puff of air above you, watching as the cold air turned it into steam. 

“Damn.” You answered. “You must really be going through it, friend.” It was also unlike Josh to drink liquor; each time you were around him, he’d always chosen draft beer. 

You both stepped inside the dimly-lit dive bar, letting the heat warm your chilly bones from the cold autumn air. You both took up camp on two stools at the end of the bar, closest to the back wall. The bartender Roy approached you, throwing down two bar napkins in front of you as you got comfortable in your seats. 

“Evenin’, guys. Sex on the Beach andddd, Josh, we’ve got a Kolsch and a pale ale on tap, and also a—“

“Jack Daniel’s. Neat, please.” Josh interrupted Roy, causing him to contort his face with surprise. 

“Been waiting on you almost five years and never known you to drink liquor. But, alright…” Roy responded as he left for a minute, returning and placing your drinks in front of you. “I’ll keep the tab goin’.”

It was silent between the two of you for the first couple of minutes, both of you sipping your drinks as you relaxed your muscles from the long workday. Finally, you decided you would have to be the one to speak first, for once. 

“Okay, spill. What’s got you on the hard stuff tonight?” You asked, turning to face Josh in your stool. 

He leaned on his elbow, his tight black t-shirt squeezing his toned arm just right. “I got dumped last night.” 

You felt your eyebrows jump to your forehead. “What?! Oh my god, I’m so sorry, Josh…I didn’t even know you had a—“

“Nah, it’s okay. I could kinda tell shit was going sideways, anyway, ya know? Almost expected it. But, still doesn’t make it hurt any less.” He disconnected his eye contact, tilting his glass back all the way and finishing off the last bit of his whiskey. 

You were almost stunned speechless. You hadn’t seen Josh show any emotion that even came close to sadness before, and you struggled with how you were going to react. 

Roy brought the bottle of Jack over, filling Josh’s glass with another two fingers. 

“How long were you together?” You asked, tiptoeing with caution, given that he might not want to go into much detail. 

“Four and a half years.” He said blankly. 

“My god, are you serious?!” You choked out with disbelief. 

He nodded hard as he kept his eyes trained on the bar in front of you, spinning his stool in tiny tight circles. “Yeah. Long time.” He sipped his drink again. 

“I really am sorry, Josh. That’s a long time to be with someone for it to just...” You placed a hand on his arm as you spoke. 

He crossed his arms in front of him. “Yeah, it’s fucked.” He growled, leaning back in his stool. 

“You wanna talk about it?” You asked. 

“No, that’s why we’re here.” He slammed his hands on the bar top, motioning for Roy to refill your already almost empty cocktail. 

Roy brought your new drink over, stirring the drink with the tiny straw for you. Josh lifted his glass into the air, forcefully clinking it against yours. “To moving on!” He said, finishing the drink off once again. 

——

An hour or so later, you and Josh had managed to find yourselves significantly intoxicated once again, engaged in a deep passionate debate. 

“Ever since they banned smoking indoors, the American bar scene has been fucked!” Josh drunkenly yelled overtop of the loud music and large crowd that had joined you inside the bar. 

You had to laugh. “Josh, not everybody loves breathing that shit in! It makes some people really sick!” You challenged. 

“Ah, hell. You come into a bar, you expect to be around smoke, all there is to it. All there is to it!” He crossed his arms and shrugged his shoulders in defiance of your argument. 

“You can go outside and smoke, Josh. Easy as that. Just get over it!” The two of you were glassy-eyed and giggly, feeling your liquor take hold of you as you talked. Josh brought about a warmth in you that you’d never experienced before, and you’d be lying if you said your…attraction? to him wasn’t amplified when you were drunk. 

No, not attraction. 

Something else…

You had no idea what to label the feeling, because you’d never felt it ever before. You took it in stride, though, embracing the completely new emotion as it came. It was almost like you craved his attention, and fed off of him engaging with you. You wanted to please him, but not in such a way that was sexual. 

…You didn’t think. 

No. You just craved his recognition. Wanted his eyes on you and no one else. Wanted to make him laugh, be the one who made him forget about everything else. It wasn’t a jealousy thing, it was a matter of possessiveness. You wanted to protect him like a best friend. And anyone who dared cause him unhappiness would have to deal with you. 

Is this insane thinking?! Am I crazy for this? You drunkenly asked yourself as you washed your hands in the bar bathroom sink, giving yourself a disapproving look in the mirror. Probably, maybe…but he seems to feel the same about you... You had noticed that the second you’d inadvertently struck up a conversation with another guy at the bar, Josh quickly stole your attention away again, bringing up a whole new topic of conversation that had nothing to do with the last. 

He charmed you. Drew you in. Challenged your thoughts and opinions…made you talk like you’d never talked before. Laugh like you’d never laughed. 

“You’re really smart, Y/N. I didn’t really notice that about you, before.” Josh smiled as he leaned over toward you on the bar. His cheeks were tinted the prettiest pink from the alcohol. 

“Uhh, thanks, I guess?” You chortled, feigning being offended. 

“No I mean, you surprise me. Keep me guessing, every time I turn around. Never had a friend like that before. I’m usually so bored with everyone I meet. You make me like, think. Ya know?” He explained as you nodded sweetly in understanding. You knew you were blushing. 

“Last call!!” You heard Roy yell across the still-crowded room. You made blurry eye contact with Josh again. 

“Damn, we didddit agin.” You stammered. “Let me pay, you’ve had a hard couple’a days.” 

“No no no, no you don’t. I asked you here, my treat. Plus, my drinks were fuckin’ pricey tonight.”

“But Josh, let me treat you, for once...” You jutted your bottom lip out as you begged him. You watched as his eyes landed on your lips, stealing his attention again. Suddenly, you felt excited. 

“Alright, alright. But I’m leavin’ the tip.” He agreed. “I just needed some sympathy…that’s all I wanted tonight.”

“And you got it, didn’t you? You forgot all about your messy breakup?”

“For the most part, yes.” He laughed. “But I like to look at the long run, ya know? Like to take each step, one by one. Let myself live in the sadness.”

You scoffed as you signed your name on the receipt and pulled your coat on. “Psh, Josh, didn’t you just cheers me and say ‘to moving on’?”

He stood from his stool, wrapping his arm around your neck tightly. The smell of his cologne mixed with the remnants of pizza filled your senses, temporarily making you dizzy as he squeezed you in his grip. 

“I did, Y/N, I did. But I’m also drunk, now. So. And also, I don’t really wanna go home yet. ‘M gonna walk you to your Uber then hit up Chauncey’s…they stay open ‘til 2.”

You turned in his grasp, your face within inches of his as he held you tightly. “Don’t go back out, Josh. No sense in drinkin’ your sorrows away by yourself.” It felt like you were outside of your own body; all you wanted was to go home and strip down and crawl into bed, but for some reason, your mouth told Josh that apparently you didn’t want to go home, either. “Come back to my place. We’ll have one more drink, and we can share the blunt that TJ gave me yesterday.”

“TJ? The linecook?” Josh seemed surprised. “You letting strangers give you drugs now, Y/N?”

“He’s hardly a stranger, Josh. Why, you jealous?” You teased, while also testing the waters of what the hell this feeling the two of you apparently shared could actually be. 

“Fuck no, I’m not jealous. I’m…I…” Josh opened his mouth, but nothing came out after that. “I don’t know, I just—“ You were still tightly wrapped up in the crook of his elbow, his face so close to yours that you could smell the liquor on his breath as he struggled to speak. 

You decided to save him. “It’s alright Josh. You don’t have to come over. I’ll smoke it allllll by myself…” you sneakily wrapped your arm around his back, giving it a couple playful pats. 

He looked down at you through his lashes, his jaw clenched tightly together. “You really want me to come over?”

You nodded. “I do. Come on, it’ll be fun.” More than anything, you wanted him to know you were the reason he had such a good night, and the reason he was able to forget about his breakup.

“Okay, jackass. You talked me into it. Let’s go get high.” He released you from his grasp as you confirmed your Uber on your phone, and your overwhelming satisfaction of claiming his attention again propelled you out the door. 

——

“Cute place. You decorate it yourself?” Josh teased as you both entered your apartment. It was only half-decorated and you hardly had any furniture, spending most of your days working and saving up money to finish furnishing it. 

“Shut up, dick head!” You shoved him backwards as he laughed. “I haven’t finished making it cute yet.” You pulled the bottle of liquor from the cabinet, shaking the little bit that was left. “I know you’ve been drinking whiskey, but…vodka’s all I’ve got.”

“Ah, it’ll work.” Josh responded, plopping down on your couch. “M’already fucked with a hangover tomorrow, might as well do it up.” You caught sight of his pretty light brown curls sitting on top of his head, and you felt another rush of that strange excitement soar through you. 

You made the two drinks and joined him on the couch, pulling the blunt up under your nose as you breathed in its earthy scent. Josh took the drink from your hand, raising his eyebrows as he watched you smell the rolled marijuana. 

“TJ usually has good shit, I will say.” He winked, sipping his drink. 

You pulled your feet up underneath you on the couch, scooting yourself closer to him. “Thought you said I shouldn’t take drugs from strangers…”

“I never said you shouldn’t, I just meant that next time you should get your weed from me.” He spoke without a care, taking the blunt from your hand and bringing it to his own nose. 

“Ah, well I was unaware I could do that, Joshua.” You snatched it back from him, taking the lighter from the table in front of you and lighting the end of the blunt. You inhaled the smoke slowly, noticing that Josh hadn’t responded to you. 

You glanced at him, finding the most devastating half smile on his face. You swore you felt your skin tingle. 

“Did you just call me by my government name, Y/N?” He whispered, leaning his head down to you. 

You exhaled the smoke you didn’t realize you were holding, nodding slowly. “Yeah, you mad about it?”

You passed him the blunt. “Nah, kinda liked the way it sounded, actually.” You watched as his lips made a perfect O around the tip of the blunt, and you found yourself wondering what kind of chapstick he used to get them to look…like that…

You felt your eyes grow heavy as your first hit found you, the THC entering your system quickly. Josh must have noticed, as he giggled at your appearance. “Told you TJ had good shit.”

“I swear to god I’m already fuckin’ high…” you laughed, taking another big hit. 

“Mmm, no baby, you’re crossed. But not all the way. Yet.” Josh’s voice was gritty and buttery all at the same time. And the fact that he called you baby had you feeling that same feeling again. He calls everybody baby, though…all the girls at work…you’re not special. 

The two of you sat and smoked until the blunt was a roach, and the air around you was thick with haziness. Your entire body was heavy and floaty, and you swore you could feel the blood pumping through your extremities. The conversation with Josh was so easy, so effortless, and the way the two of you held the complete attention of one another continued to astound you. 

“So tell me about you. What’s your real story?” Josh asked, the both of you sitting facing one another completely, now. 

You sipped your vodka drink. “What do you mean, real story?”

“I only know a little bit about you, where did you come from? What’s in your past?”

You took a deep breath. “Well, believe it or not, Josh, I kinda just got broken up with recently, too.”

“No way, you’re kidding. When? What happened?” He pressed. 

“Ahh, about a month before I started at Angelo’s. I’m from about twenty miles away, up north a bit. Came here looking to start completely fresh. Still close enough to my family, if I need them. Ya know…” you trailed off. Josh’s eyes were telling you to continue. 

“I got dumped, too. After a year of being with him. I thought we were serious, but apparently not. It didn’t hurt me too bad, I’m alright. Liking my new life pretty well, actually.”

Josh dramatically leaned back on the couch cushion, throwing his free hand over his face. “Ugh, god…how embarrassing. You handled bein’ dumped like a goddamned rockstar. I’m over here down in the dumps.”

You couldn’t help but laugh. “It’s okay, Josh. Four and a half years is a lot longer than one…”

“You’re right, I guess.” He sat back up, bringing his attention back to you. “So what was his reason? What was his last straw?” He asked, moving his face closer to yours. Your body was vibrating from the alcohol and the weed, and the presence of Josh sitting so close to you on your couch. You were positively buzzing. 

“He uh, didn’t really give me one. Just said it was over.” You whispered, feeling your emotions flying all over the place. Josh’s hand reached up, twirling a piece of your hair between his fingers. “He also said I was a bad kisser, or something stupid.”

Josh winced at your words. “A bad kisser? I highly doubt that, Y/N…” 

“And why do you doubt that?” You giggled. 

“Because. I have a hard time taking my eyes off your lips, I can only imagine how hard it would be to take my lips off of them…” he smirked a little, laughing through his nose. 

“You’re fuckin’ stoned.” You laughed, leaning your face onto his hand. 

“And? I speak nothing but the truth, baby.”

“Mmmhm, yeah. Shut up.” You complained. 

“I’m serious. I bet you really are a good kisser. That guy was just…stupid.”

“Maybe I’m a horrible kisser, how would I ever know?” You shrugged, feeling your body about to jump out of your skin simply from having this conversation with Josh. 

He held his first two fingers up, motioning for you to come here. “Come on. Show me how you like to kiss.” 

“What?! No, I’m not gonna do that.” You blushed, pulling away from him with shyness. 

“Baby, it’s me. I’m just trying to judge your kissing skills. I’ll be completely honest with you, tell you if that guy was right or not.” Josh said, holding his hands out to the sides. 

You stopped, staring at Josh through your slit eyelids, trying to figure him out. He met you with sincere eyes, and though you were both extremely intoxicated, you didn’t feel uncomfortable in the least. 

“I’m serious. Just kiss me.” He said matter of factly. “S’no big deal.” 

You took a deep breath, feeling the air surrounding you heavy with normalcy, but also heavy with yearning. 

You slowly pulled yourself in closer to him, gently wetting your lips as your mind went back and forth on whether or not to do this. Your breath became a little chopped, nerves bursting through the wall of your drunken carelessness. 

Finally you were close enough to feel his breath on your lips, and your hands naturally shot up to cup his jaw. He clenched it, his eyes falling heavy again as his breath caught. Your heart was absolutely pounding from your chest. 

“Do it.” He whispered. “Show me.”

You finally let your lips press gently to his, your hands still cupping his jaw, as his hands sat comfortably in his lap. The feeling of them was exactly what you had imagined, soft, supple, and sweet, with the tiniest bit of sting on them from the leftover liquor. You finally exhaled, pulling away a bit to gauge his reaction. 

“You can get into it, baby.” He smiled, urging you to push through your nerves. “I’m just here to help, s’just me…” his voice was like honey, the sound of it tearing through your body as he motivated you. 

You leaned in again, this time letting yourself be a little more brazen, a little more steadfast as you worked to prove your ex wrong. Worked to impress Josh. Worked to show him. You opened your mouth a little, letting your tongue skirt across his bottom lip. The flavor of him almost knocked you down. 

You began to get into it some more, letting your high take over, and letting your guard down as you found yourself really, really enjoying kissing him. You perched up a little bit moving to your knees to get a better stance. 

“Mmmhmm… keep goin’ baby…” Josh mumbled when you broke away for a second. His words urged you on, and you felt brave enough to push your tongue further into his mouth, but only a little. You didn’t want to overwhelm, just experiment. His tongue met yours in the process, tasting each other for the very first time. 

Your hands curled up in his hair, squeezing at the roots a bit. He let out a little whine, so quiet that you almost didn’t even hear it. It ignited something inside you again, and you knew you had to drive it home. Had to prove yourself. You pulled away for a second, hissing in air as you bit his bottom lip, pulling it out a little and making eye contact before pressing into him again, both of you moving in such unison that you were fully involved in the sultry kiss, now. 

At this point you felt like you were teetering on the thin line of platonic kissing; you were still trying to prove yourself, but also…he tasted so good…

You felt the need to be touched. You reached down and grabbed Josh’s wrists, pulling them up to rest on you- one hand on your thigh, and the other around the back of your neck. You wanted reciprocation. He obliged, and as you licked into his mouth, his hand squeezed into your thigh, strong and needing. His fingers felt like burning embers on your leg, and you wished that you had changed into shorts when you got home. 

His hand pulled at the back of your neck, burying your mouths further into one another. “Fuck, baby…he was wrong, you proved him so wrong…” Josh said, smiling against your lips as he delved back in. Your mind was swimming from his words of praise, and you decided that though this was simply an act between friends, you knew that you could kiss him all day long, never tiring of the feeling of his lips on yours. You were completely surrounded by him, by his warming presence. His scent, his sounds, his touch… It was all too much. You felt like you were drowning in him, but you didn’t dare try to pull yourself from his waters. 

Your hands squeezed at his hair one last time as you let them drift down his cheeks and neck, tickling the back of his neck before rolling across his shoulders. You slowly brought them down to his pecs, and finally rested them on his cheeks again, pulling his face away from yours for a split second before landing one last peck. 

When you finally disconnected, you took in the sight of him…hair disheveled, eyes black and glazed, and his hands still rested gently in the places that you put them. 

“Holy fuck…” he breathed. 

“Oh my god, was it bad? It was bad, wasn’t it? He was right, I’m a horrible kis—“ you were completely cut off by Josh’s lips on yours again, this time forcefully pulling you into him. This kiss was pleading, unbridled, and wanting, and each time you pulled away, you both were panting with want. 

“What the fuck are we doing?” You breathed when you broke away. 

“Kissing contest.” He answered, his hand respectfully staying on the back of your neck. “I think I’m winning, though…” 

“Mmm, I don’t know about that…” you said with a bit more confidence in yourself after seeing how you made him feel. 

“Yeah you’re right.” He agreed through an inhale. “You’re kicking my ass at this experiment.” He drove his tongue into your mouth again, but it didn’t make you want to retract…it made you want to pull it in further. You began to feel the heat that the two of you were emanating, and the sweat that was forming on your skin. 

You’d be lying if you said you weren’t completely turned on, but you would never let him know that. You couldn’t. You’re just friends. One friend helping another get over his ex by having a kissing contest. Makes total sense. 

Finally you pulled away again, covering your mouth with your hand. You laughed, making Josh in turn laugh with you. “Well? What’s the verdict? Was he right?” You asked. 

“Fuck no, he wasn’t right. You’re a hell of a kisser, Y/N.” Josh’s smile stretched all the way across his face, completely blissed out in his high. “God damn, you left me a panting mess, baby.”

Your heart stopped at his words, feeling more confidence in yourself than you’d felt in a long, long time. Suddenly, the wildest idea to ever come across your mind escaped right through your lips. 

“Josh, we’re just good friends, right?” You asked. 

“Yeah, baby. Real good friends.” He wiped his hand across his mouth before extending both arms across the back of your couch. 

“Do you—do you care if I finish what I started?” You asked in an absolute moment of weakness. The look on his face turned up into surprise, and you weren’t sure how he was going to react to your question. 

“What uh, what do you mean, Y/N?” 

You moved toward him again, wanting to feel him again. Feel his hands on you again. Be the center of all his attention again. 

“Can you judge something else for me, Josh? I’ve always wondered how well I…performed…and who better to be the judge than my very good friend? Who will be completely honest with me?” 

WHO even are you?! You felt like a person outside your own body. The confidence he was giving you was…

“This ain’t no way to treat the broken-hearted, baby…” he replied, his voice a soft breath of air as his head lulled backwards. You paused again, unsure how to take him. “But I’ll be your judge…”

“Really? You will?” You asked, feeling vulnerable, but also wanting to show out for him. 

“Mhm. If that’s what you really want…” He bit his lower lip into his mouth, letting his eyes fall onto your lips like they had been doing all night. 

“Just friends…” you reiterated. 

“Just friends.” He parroted, lightly tapping your cheek with his hand. 

This was absolutely something you never did, and definitely wasn’t something you could ever even see yourself doing with Josh, of all people. You were supposed to be making him forget about his ex, letting him talk through it… hell, he was just dumped twenty-four hours ago. But there was something other-worldly spurring you on, whispering in your ear to just do it. And he was letting you. Was it wrong? Maybe, probably… but honestly, where was the harm in it? You were both obviously into each other, and as long as you were just making each other happy, you didn’t see anything wrong with it.

Besides, this new need to make him think about nothing but you at every single second was making your head spin, and you wanted his focus completely on you, right now. You moved to press your lips to his again, letting things naturally heat up so that you could continue on with your intentions. You took a deep breath, confidently removing yourself, and placing yourself in the floor in front of him. It was at this second that you were extremely thankful for your liquid courage, and the fact that you were too stoned to care about much else besides pleasing Josh. He almost made it easy. 

“Ten.” Josh said out of nowhere. 

“What?” you asked. 

“I give your kissing a ten out of ten. Seriously.” He said, smiling from the corner of his mouth as he ran his hand along your arm, peering down at you as you kneeled on the floor. 

You felt your face turn beet red, and you halfway didn’t really believe him. 

“Stop playing, you don’t have to be nice.” You erred.

“M’not just being nice. Seriously, I rate it a ten.” He stated, and you knew by the sincerity in his voice that he was telling the truth.

“Wow. Didn’t expect that, honestly.” you pulled a few strands of hair behind your ear. “Thanks.”

“You’re welcome. Now, you gonna finish what ya started, or not?” There was a darkness in his tone that you hadn’t noticed yet, and it made your stomach turn over with nerves. But even more so, it lit a fuse in your chest that was slowly burning, ready to explode at any given second. And with each passing minute, you wanted to impress him even more. 

You maneuvered yourself on your knees, gripping his thighs and pulling them apart so that you could place yourself between them. Your hands stayed there on his legs, squeezing and kneading at his muscles as you moved your hands closer and closer to where you both really wanted them to be. You could almost physically see him getting harder through his dark jeans, and you could hear his breathing picking up, too. 

You let your hands drift to his groin, squeezing the muscles there as he leaned down in his seat, giving you extra space as his head fell back on the cushions. You found the button on his jeans, pulling the fabric sideways and undoing the button with one hand and unzipping the zipper. “Damn, alright…” Josh laughed, holding his hands up. “Show off.”

You took that as a tiny win, and decided to keep it going, playing on his words from earlier. ‘You keep me guessing at every turn…’

You pushed your hair back behind your shoulders, and leaned yourself down, letting your mouth meet his boxer-covered dick. You nipped your teeth lightly at it, making him hiss. You could tell just from this little bit of contact that he was well-endowed, and you felt your mouth physically watering for him. You needed to taste him. Your lips bounced around, peppering little kisses all over… the indirect contact making his hips jut up a little. 

You sat back, motioning with your hands. “Pull them down for me.” you demanded of him, and he gave you the sneakiest smirk, leaning back and pushing his pants and boxers down far enough to spring himself free. 

You weren’t wrong. He was perfectly sized, and it reassured you that you were okay with going forward with this. What you did notice, though, was he wasn’t as hard as you wanted him to be. Your hands rested on his thighs again as you sized him up, licking your lips as you prepared yourself. 

Josh had been the one urging you on all night, but suddenly, it felt like there had been a little bit of a shift. You finally brought your moistened lips to him, licking little circles around his tip, starting slowly at first, then picking up a little bit of speed. You swirled and gently suckled, and you felt him take in a big breath of air into his lungs. You glanced up at him, finding him looking up at the ceiling as he bit his lips. 

“What’sa matter, Josh? You okay?” you pressed, knowing that you could stop at any second, if that was what he wanted. 

“No, yeah. I’m fine. I’m sorry, I just… this is the first time someone else…since…” he didn’t need to say anything more.

“God, yeah. I’m sorry, your breakup is so fresh, I’m sure this is more mental than anything, for you…” you agreed as you sat back. “We don’t have to–”

“No. Yes we do, Y/N. I’m just…” You could tell Josh was having a hard time with his words again, for the second time tonight. 

“Just what? You can tell me…”

He swallowed, placing a sweet hand on the side of your face. “This is the first time I’ve um…been…with a woman…in a very long time.”

“Oh.” You muttered, his sentiment catching you off guard a little. You hadn’t realized you never even asked the name of his ex, let alone any details about the relationship.

“But it’s okay, Y/N…” He smiled, letting his thumb brush your cheek. “I may be wallowing in my sorrows, but it doesn’t mean I don’t want this, want you to do this. Just…in my head a little bit.” He admitted, putting a hole through your heart.

You sighed. “It doesn’t feel wrong?” Your voice was tiny as it escaped you. 

He quickly shook his head side to side as he layed back on his elbow behind his head. “No. That’s what’s making me freak out a little, it doesn’t feel wrong in the least.” He swallowed. “Maybe I…Maybe I wasn’t as in love as I thought I was.”

You smiled a pitiful smile as you rested your elbows on his knees, taking a deep, recentering breath of your own. 

“You’re really fuckin’ pretty, Y/N.” He complimented you out of the blue, his thumb still grazing your cheek. “And I’m really into you.”

“You are?” You asked.

“Yeah. I know we said we’re friends, but friends can do this. Right? Doesn’t stop the fact that I’m attracted to you.” His glossy words made your stomach do flips again as you realized maybe his feelings were the exact same as yours. Unexplainable, but still overwhelmingly good.

“Yeah. I really think friends can do this.” You agreed. And you were serious. If you were going to be this person for Josh, then he could also in turn be this person for you. 

“Plus, the feeling of your lips on my cock just now…” He laughed through his nose. “Might be in competition with your ten out of ten kissing. And you hadn’t even…” He stopped there, biting both his lips into his mouth as he slid his hips down again. 

Good god, you’d hoped he would have a little bit of a dirty mouth. 

“You want me to keep going?” You asked. 

“Fuck yeah, I do. I gotta judge your skill, don’t I?” He played, removing his hand from your cheek and running it through your hair. He gripped it a little, making you stiffen your neck. Your eyes flashed to his, and you didn’t even need to say anything, he knew what you meant. He nodded, giving you the go ahead, and you prayed that he wouldn’t remove his hand from tangling up in your hair. 

You slowly leaned down to him again, starting things up just as you had before. Your tongue swirled on his tip, wetting it in circles as you let the saliva build up in your mouth. Around and around you took it, descending further and further onto him with every rotation. You heard him breathe out, his hips shaking a little beneath you. As you got as far as you could get, you pursed your lips down, tightening them around the base of his cock before sucking hard, pulling up and off of him completely. His hand tightened in your hair, showing you that he was liking it so far. 

He let out a groan, followed by a little laugh. “Fuck yeah, Y/N…”

You quickly found a rhythm, letting your head begin to bob as you worked your tongue and cheeks, alternating forceful suction mixed with light little pops of your lips. His hips were jutting with every movement, and the sounds that were coming from him were enough to keep you going, keep you striving to impress him…

You took him in your hand, gripping at the base and using the saliva that had dripped down as lubrication to move your hand, twisting and pumping it. “Jesus Christ, you’re…” You took a second to glance up at him, seeing his jaw tightly clenched and his chest heaving with labored breaths. He brought his other hand down, pulling the hair that had drifted down away from your face, pulling it all back to the nape of your neck and holding it tightly there. You nodded, letting him know you were okay with him guiding your movements. 

“Mhm.” You hummed on him. “Show me how you like it.”

He let out a choke of breath and readjusted in his seat, spreading his legs wider for you. He gripped a little harder on your hair, pulling you up and across his stomach, your faces almost touching as he brought his mouth close. He didn’t say anything, just hissed through his teeth as he scanned over your face. He then used a little bit of force to push your head back down to where it was, and you resumed your work. 

Fuck, what the hell is happening… your chemistry with Josh was absolutely off the chain. You felt like you would follow every command he would ever give you, let him use you in the worst ways, completely trusting him to do as he pleased. You were absolutely yearning to satisfy him. 

“I’ll show you exactly how I like it baby, but this is your show, remember? You’re calling the shots…” he growled, his voice deeper and more grating than it was earlier. You shrugged one shoulder, replacing your hand around his base. You moved it up and down opposite of your mouth, making his whole body start to shake. Your tongue worked on him, as your mouth drifted down as far as it could possibly go, with the help of Josh’s light guidance.

The weed had contributed to your slow, languid movements while the alcohol made your inhibitions fly out the window… the beautiful combo of the crossfade sending you both into a blurry and slow-motioned entanglement. You swore you could listen to his noises and praises on repeat. “So fuckin’ pretty, Y/N… so fuckin’ pretty…” He mumbled, lightly thrusting himself into your mouth as your neck began to ache a little. “Slow and steady, just like that…”

He puffed out a quick breath with a blow of his lips, and you could tell that he was enjoying himself just as much as you were. Normally, you would finish up the job, and expect repayment, but getting Josh to even feel the tiniest bit of pleasure at your hand was enough. It was that draw, that need to make him feel good. Keeping him and him only in the spotlight. And if you had to guess, you were doing a pretty good job at it.

After a few seconds, his movements became jostled, and his once slow grinding movements started to falter. You felt him start to throb in your mouth, and you knew it wouldn’t be long until he was crumbling beneath you, all at the mercy of your mouth. 

“Hey, you want me to–” he said, suddenly shuddering. 

You nodded again, pleading with him to let it all go. You wanted the whole thing, wanted him to have the full experience. You needed to see what he tasted like. 

His breath started to pick up as he gripped your hair tighter, his hips pushing his dick further into your mouth as you let him graze the back of your throat, tears pouring from the sides of your eyes. “Come on baby, come on… just a little bit longer…fuck…” 

Finally, he was letting it all go, filling up your mouth as you swallowed his bitter-sweetness down, savoring the taste of him on your tongue. His whole body went rigid as he came, shaking and jerking as you worked to make sure not a drop was left behind. You squeezed your hand around him, pulling him up into your mouth. His whines were like music to your ears, pathetic and pitiful as he worked to come back down to earth. 

“Son of a bitch, Y/N… that was…” he said as you sat back up, wiping your mouth off with the back of your hand. He caught your jaw in his grasp, squeezing your cheeks together and forcing you to open your mouth. He pulled you closer, bringing you in for a heated kiss that left you smoldering for him. 

When you finally pulled away, you met eyes with him, and you could tell he was completely blissed out. “S’been a long time since I’ve had anything like that.” He admitted, pulling your back up to sit by him on the couch again. 

He tucked himself back in his boxers but decided to forgo buttoning back up. “Really? Even in a four and a half year long relationship?” You asked. 

“Ah, I dunno. We were long distance, so… it was few and far between but. Really I meant being with someone who actually showed passion about making me feel good. You know what I mean?”

You couldn’t help but smile. That was exactly what you wanted out of this. For Josh to feel that you wanted to be there. 

“Yeah, I know exactly what you mean. I just…wanted to make you feel good.” You admitted, shrugging one shoulder up as you brushed your disheveled hair back into place. “So, what’s my rating, huh? Give it to me straight.”

Josh closed one eye and looked up with the other as if he was thinking really hard. “Uh, nine and a half.”

Your mouth fell slack, and you felt the soreness in your jaw joints. “Ah! Why the half?!” You argued. “Not a ten?”

He chuckled. “Would be a ten, but I only took away the half because I know that I won’t be able to feel you like that all the time.” You both stared at one another as you let his words sink in. 

Could you, though?

“And because I feel like you were holding back, a little. Weren’t you?” He pressed. His statement took you by surprise, because he was right. 

“...Maybe…”

“You shouldn’t have. It’s just me, remember. Guess you’ll have to show up and show out next time. See if you can get a perfect ten.” He said with nonchalance. 

“Next time?” You spat without a thought. 

He shrugged, squeezing his hand around your thigh. “Sure, why not? If you want to, of course. Might be fun to have a little situation we’re both comfortable with… no strings attached type thing…”

You ran over the idea in your head, not really seeing anything wrong with it. You nodded, agreeing with his outlandish proposal.

“But, there is one thing, Y/N.” He swallowed, awkwardly rubbing the back of his head. “Obviously I… um. I didn’t make you feel good, tonight. But, just give me some–”

You cupped your hand over Josh’s mouth. “Josh, honey, shut up. You don’t have to explain it to me. I understand, and it’s okay. If we’re gonna do this, it's all gonna be in good fun, right?”

He nodded from behind your hand. “Right.” He mumbled. 

“And I certainly didn’t feel uncomfortable with you, so. I’m pretty positive we could just sit here and look at each other and we would have a good time.” You laughed, pulling your hand from his face. He caught your hand in his, and gave it a sweet squeeze. 

“Not sure I’d be able to sit by you for too long without something happening. You’re a fuckin’ treat, Y/N. I swear.” His eyes traveled down your body again, and you watched his gears turn as his gaze drifted over your breasts. “Thank you, for tonight.”

“Thank you.” You whispered. “We still friends?”

He took your chin between his fingers. “Yeah. Good friends.”

As the air between you finally started to settle and the intoxication turned into sobriety, you realized that the night was nearly about to turn into morning. You didn’t have to be at work until 11, so you were going to be able to get at least a little bit of sleep before your shift tomorrow. 

“It’s too late to get an Uber, Josh. Just stay here.” You more demanded than suggested, pulling the blanket from the back of the couch and tossing it overtop of his lap. You stood, stretching your body as you made your way toward your bedroom. 

“What, you not gonna invite me to your bed?” He asked, throwing you off. 

“Uhh, I mean, sure–”

“I’m kidding, Y/N. We’re friends. Friends don’t sleep in beds together. Friends sleep on couches.” You watched as he burrowed himself under the puffy blanket and made himself horizontal.

“Maybe one day you’ll end up in my bed.” You tossed the joke over your shoulder, walking down the short hallway. 

“And maybe one day you’ll get a perfect ten.”

-xo, Jules

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[zvtara-was-never-canon]

Hey, i follow your blog for several weeks now and think you make some fresh of breth air.

What is your opinion on aang and his arc in general ? Are you critical of the lion turtle at the end and think it was a selfish moment when he did not redirect lightning back at ozai?

Despite of all the shipping wars :)

Let's make a distinction clear here: the lionturtle was poorly set up, that is a totally valid complaint. Claiming that a traumatized 12-year-old, who as a bonus was raised to be a pacifist, is being selfish for not wanting to be people's assassin for hire is complete lunacy. He's a child, a person. He's not your super weapon/soldier, and his responsibilities as the Avatar don't change the fact that what people are expecting of him is unfair and deeply traumatizing.

And actually, Aang's role as the Avatar and the way people misunderstand it ties into why I think his arc was great: he has a duty to the world. The WHOLE world. Fire Nation very much included.

He isn't there to wipe them off the face of the Earth in retaliation for what they did to his people. He isn't there to have them be ruled with an iron fist for the crime of being born in the wrong place/culture, regardless of how complicent every individual was, or wasn't, in the war. He isn't there to disregard anyone's humanity and inherent right to life and dignity, not even Ozai's, for "the greater good."

He is there to bring back harmony. To help put the Fire Nation back on the right path. To make them stop being a threat, yes, but through REDEMPTION, not violence.

That's why he learns that the kids were taught lies basically from birth, and that any form of self-expression, and even old Fire Nation traditions, are being suppressed. Why he turns to Iroh for advice in Ba Sing Se even though the old man was constantly helping Zuko. Why he could see the lonely, angry, sad child hiding behind Zuko's hostile behavior. Why he too needed to see that fire could be both life and death, and thus should not be hated but also not used caressly, because even though he is an air-nomad before anything, that is still his element too.

The Fire Nation's original culture might not be his primary identity, but it is part of him, and he's one of the few people alive that were there to witness it in it's true glory - and the only one who hasn't had time to get used the idea of them being nothing but a threat now. That's why Aang is the perfect guy to save the day. He won't let them do evil, but he won't let their potential for good be ignored.

And it's sooooooooooooooooo satisfying to see the Fire Nation needing to rely on Aang's air-nomad culture to help. To see him prove Ozai was wrong to think they were just dead-weight in the world, that they had nothing of value to offer (and grabbing the fucker by his stupid beard).

To see Aang, who lost his people, saw sacred temples and relics destroyed, and that even had to hide his arrow, screaming to the whole world that the wisdom of the airbenders was the one hope for a brighter future and being validated by the narrative for it was fucking beautiful.

Aang was a child that was constantly told he had to sacrifice everything, his beliefs, his peace of mind, his culture, his attachment to the people he loved, what was left of his childhood and potentially even his own life for everyone else's sake, and that he was selfish if didn't like that shitty deal the universe offered him. And in the finale he said "FUCK THAT NOISE!" and that was thing that ultimately saved everyone, not just himself.

He is the poster boy for "Fuck you! It's real easy to talk about sacrifices for the greater good when you're not the one who'll have to sacrifice anything!" and I love him for that.

Seriously, it's crazy how fans that go "Urgh, just betray your beliefs and traumatize yourself for everyone else's sake already, you selfish asshole" don't realize they're unironically talking like an actual cartoon villain that is know for being cowardly and cruel.

#pro aang #aang defense squad #respect aang or die by my sword

[goobygnarp]

.

#good grief im gettin a lil tired of seeing 'DONT DO THIS' kinda art videos #i very much understand its a youtube thing and that clickbait names and thumbs get the views and attention needed #but it doesnt mean it doesnt annoy me or that I cant be annoyed by it #sometimes i just see it in tutorial pictures too #but the large DONTS with red Xs near the supposed ''wrong'' way of drawing is so demotivating #people start and draw in many ways than one #its what makes art their own #but when videos or tutorial posts are made and show the ''WRONG'' way to go about it #its like scolding the new artist or long time artist with that style that they're doing it wrong and that its bad #no matter the intention its not the way to go about helping artists learn to draw #and in my personal opinion #the click bait ''DONT DO THIS WHEN DRAWING'' thing is what keeps me from actually watching the vids #i get theyre probably helpful but i don't like that I have to feel some NEED or DESIRE to click on a vid cause I feel like I did a thing #wrong or that i never should have done it at all #i wish i could see more 'here are some tips that helped me #kinda vids cause yes i would love to learn what helped you rather than being or feeling wronged for drawing in a way that isn't theirs #im rambling but i have been seeing a lot of 'DONT DO THIS' NEVER DO THIS' 'IF YOURE DOING THIS STOP NOW' kinda art vids #im speakin for myself here #but im an artist sifting through art youtube or spaces always willing to learn new ways of improving my art #i dont need to feel click baited like the next 3am don't this kid to learn how to improve my inking skills #if it was more a 'this is my personal preference and I wanna share it with my audience and maybe teach some things' kinda vid #id watch that too #but im just so tired of seeing art youtube going down this need to tell folks 'YOURE DOING IT ALL WRONG. THIS IS THE RIGHT WAY"

[nonoqy]

i feel like i didn't really say anything publicly which makes me sound maybe too harsh at times but this is where i'm at. sorry i was too lazy to retype all of this so i'm just sharing screenies of my thoughts !

#and to be clear i do believe they deserve to hear harsh words right now! in fact they need it #the backlash has already started to impact them and i think stepping away from content creation for some time could help them even more #i do not blame anyone who decides to stay in the fandom but i just can't do that myself it's exhausting #anyway i wish we can all heal from this as soon as possible and i hope george especially does a lot of thinking and works on himself #no matter what you think about the situation itself his response was just not good at all #being apologetic and empathetic to the person that is visibly hurt by your actions even if you feel like you didn't do anything wrong #is not hard at all. it's actually very easy when you're emotionally mature #and he needs to finally after Twenty Seven Years of his life learn how to handle emotions

[moeblob]

Today.............. has genuinely. Been. A Day.

Have some OC doodles I started yesterday before tragedy struck and are like the bare minimum effort for today to finish. Since the two princes were originally not /in canon/ for another plot but rather made for a mafia AU as cousins to one of the main characters for the base plot. I was like. Huh let's give them a happier life. So here they're just princes and instead of the police department/detectives that most of the main cast is in base plot, those are the royal guards around the twins' castle.

#my characters #the funny thing is that the princes are like......... made for an au of another plot #and here they are in another au of the plot #so like yeehaw everyone i love my ocs and i love putting them in situations #also idk what its worth but hey happy pride atticus is trans im proud of him #it has zero relevance to the plot but its important to me that hes trans #he also is like.... an absolute bundle of friendliness which is a huge contrast to the twins cousin #who is extremely stoic for the most part and finds it hard to feel emotions and thinks #everyone feels the same way all the time like him - WHICH IS DEPRESSED BY THE WAY #but he learns that ah nope thats just him and oh hes better by the power of love #and he doesnt actually get it ?? like in canon or mafia or as a prince hes just like #huh i like this guy and he makes me want to smile which is really odd im gonna stay by him if i can #and doesnt even realize right away hes fallen in love #atticus and caspian however are very aware of their emotions and are v happy to see their cousin feel things #and are constantly there to tease him but support him and help him and theyre all good boys #ill shut up in the tags now bc the tags are taking me as long to type as the art took to doodle

[mellotronmkll]

I need to figure out a way to bring the joy and excitement back to playing the guitar ☹️

#Like it's been feeling like an obligation lately and I used to not be able to live without it #And like idk performing is starting to feel very rote so and like #If I just work on my originals that would solve both problems but I can never motivate myself #Like I don't know...i need to find a couple like challenge songs to try to learn to play and maybe that will help me get excited #Enough to where I can actually find playing it inspiring again #I'm just so uninspired right now

[wavesoutbeingtossed]

.

#warning: rant about parent ahead #I’m so so so so so empathetic to mental health struggles #like exceedingly so #but it’s just so exhausting being on the receiving end of someone’s self-loathing #and to be clear I AM NOT TALKING ABOUT ANYONE HERE #you are all my phone besties and I have so much empathy for your struggles and know that i love you all #and wish i could say the right thing to support you all always and you are always welcome to share whatever is going on #and to quote the bard herself i wish i could take the bombs in your head and disarm them #but when my mother gets into these moods she just seems to use it as a way to get a rise out of us #she’s pulling the ‘well maybe you don’t want to do x with me because it’s not fun because I’m a terrible person and you’re scared of me #and i ruin everything so maybe you would just rather i do everything alone’ #and i don’t doubt she feels horrible and i know she has intrusive thoughts etc #but that is so manipulative!!!! she then puts the onus on us to reassure her that she is not!!!! But that is not what she wants!!!! #which we then do profusely and remind her that we do love her and we do do things together and whatever the fuck is the problem of the day #but of course she won’t hear it #so yes it makes us scared of her because we are always worried we’re going to say the wrong thing in a given moment!!!! #i just shut the fuck up at all times now #but my dad tries to use reason with her and of course it just ends in her lashing out and projecting all this shit on him #’oh you maybe you actually hate me maybe you want to leave me’ etc #THEY’VE BEEN MARRIED DECADES HE’S THE MOST LOYAL AND KINDEST PERSON IN THE WORLD HE NEVER ONCE HAS #i honestly don’t know how he lets this roll off his back because i am so fed up with it #It’s just so so so so hard because one minute she’s ‘herself’ and the other she’s this inferno #and we just have to ride whatever wave she’s on and it sucks all the air out of the room #it’s like the one and only time i tried to very gently bring up that something she said was hurtful *after she’d brought it up herself* #she went on a ‘oh I’m a terrible person/terrible parent’ rant and it then turned into me reassuring her that she isn’t #i was just trying to show her how the language/behaviour she uses was hurtful to me #so anyway that was lesson learned that even if she invites it i will never speak of it and luckily she hasn’t since and that was years ago #But it’s just… i know bad thoughts can’t be helped and again i feel so much pain on her behalf for what she struggles with #and i wish i could help but there’s absolutely nothing i can do #AND SHE’S GONE OFF ALL HER MEDS SO THE ONE SOURCE SHE DID HAVE ISN’T THERE ANYMORE EITHER