#this IS canon divergent btw like i have this entire au in my head now

[kaseyskat]

i've been making my name in the dndads fandom as the shenanigans king but i have to inform yall that im very much a hurt/comfort writer and i love angst and i went through the entire henry oak tag on ao3 and decided there was Not Enough henry angst fics so here is uhhh something? that i might continue in a longer form on ao3 someday

~

the second the blade touches henry’s back, things go wrong. 

there is a fog over lark’s mind. he doesn’t feel real anymore, even as sparrow – sweet, kind sparrow, who had chosen lark as he promised he’d do even though there is uncertainty in his eyes – sets up the scene, gives lark his opening. they had discussed this only briefly, but between the message spell lingering in his head and the anger burning beneath his skin, he knew that even without sparrow’s approval, he had to do this. 

it wouldn’t hurt. it was a small blade, a knife taken from the kitchen, just big enough to draw blood. release the doodler, a voice whispers in his head as he guides the knife to his father’s back, the mockery of an embrace haunting him and taunting him even despite the fury that fuels his actions. this is your destiny. 

he apologizes. of course he does; somewhere in the back of his head buried deep, deep down, he knows that this isn’t what he wants. however, unlike sparrow, lark is not built for compassion or love, and he feels nothing except for an unbridled sense of relief when he is allowed to bury the small knife between his father’s shoulders, mesmerized by the tear in henry’s clothing, the drops of blood that pool around the wound. 

and this is where things go wrong. 

sparrow, for all that he loves his brother, also carries a deep devotion to their father that lark will never reciprocate, and he frowns at the scene, at lark, before his eyes roll into the back of his head and he convulses with static, heaving. the same static burns in lark’s stomach, and he represses the feeling until he’s pulled away, satisfied with his work. 

the blade, however, does not stop moving. 

lark’s chest heaves with the effort of restraining himself, even as sparrow collapses to his knees. it burns– but all lark can do is stare as the knife rips down henry’s back, seeking the staticky curse that lives in him, carving a bright, bloody trail. 

henry wheezes. when lark finally steps away to kneel at his brother’s side, he can see what sparrow had first seen before the curse had overtaken him; the pain in their father’s eyes, even with the love, that stupid, unconditional love, filtering in over it. 

and then he, too, convulses, static pouring out of him like a fountain. he did it, lark realizes, and the relief washes over him again; finally, things can change. i’ve won. 

it is all lark has the chance to feel before the static overtakes him, and his vision blacks out. 

(in his unconscious state, he misses the way darryl carries him and sparrow both to their bedrooms, safe from the carnage lark has brought to them. 

in his unconscious state, he is unaware of the way his father's life drains out onto the floor, overtaken by black sludge and static as the knife carved a place for itself in his heart.

he cannot hear his mother crying, nor the way his father whispers to her: mi amor, mi vida, it will be alright. a placative lie; henry has always been the best at placative lies. 

he knows his father's friends, and he knows that they must try and save him- to no avail, because the afflicted wounds are fueled by magic, and it is too late, it is far too late.

as lark dreams of a darkened sun, his father dies in his mother's arms, and the doodler finally emerges.) 

#kasey writes stuff #henry oak #dndads #dungeons and daddies #this IS canon divergent btw like i have this entire au in my head now #do yall think the rogue spell would break if henry died? #cause uhhh i do <3 #lark oak #angst #whoopsies

[idontwanttospoiltheparty]

first of all i want to say i absolutely love i'm looking thorugh you and i'm excited for the next chapter. now on an unrelated note i want to ask have you seen sarah z's new video on fanfiction? if you have, what do you think?

Hi anon, thank you so much!!! My exams are starting in 10 days and in 5 days I'll be seeing my sister for the first time in one and a half years, so I'm gonna really try to find space to finish up Chapter 8 very soon (perhaps today [not including editing time, but everything currently written has been gone through once already]) so that I can justifiably step away from it again to focus on my exams and spending time with her, before returning to it. (which probably won't be before September)

I hadn't seen it and haven't watched any of her videos in a while, but I did upon seeing this ask. (I find her long-winded and generally she doesn't say much I haven't thought of myself; watched it on double speed lmao)

I agree with her on most points, I think. Fanfic is clearly art, I think that's honestly a stupid thing to even debate about. Also, it's first and foremost a medium with intrinsic qualities that can be either used to the story's advantage or disadvantage.

While there's value in original fiction having to rise up to the challenge of building characters and setting from scratch, a narrative meant to be understood with foreknowledge of "canon" can actually inherently tell a different type of story. Like, it's kind of one of the points I'm trying to make with I'm Looking Through You; demonstrating how the story both parallels and diverges from what actually happened, which would be difficult to do in a satisfying and engaging way if I had to establish the first "timeline" within the story as well, if that makes sense.

That being said, I think Beatles RPF (the kind that doesn't take place in AUs) is sort of interesting in that respect: if you're writing fic for a book series or a movie franchise or what have you, in most cases you can expect the reader to have come across the entire canon (say with the exception of monster franchises like Discworld or the Star Wars EU). But in the case of a story based on a real history, which draws from many books and accounts as well as pictures and film, it's kind of difficult for me as an author to suss out what I can reasonably expect my readers to be aware of. Usually, when I tie in some recollection of a real event (example off the top of my head: I mention Paul getting Dot Rhone pregnant in chapter 3) I try to formulate it in a way that if someone wasn't previously privy to that particular fact it would still be understandable to the extent it's relevant to the story. The only thing I in general assume to be known is their discography. So in a way, the concept of fanfic not requiring any skills in establishing anything isn't quite accurate. I'm also kind of a big show don't tell truther, so I kind of think if you follow that principle perfectly (not saying I do btw, it's pretty difficult) with your characters, you're more or less doing the same thing whether the characters are known to the audience already or not.

I think the main thing about fanfic and the perceived poor quality of it is due to, as mentioned in the video, there being zero barriers of entry but also to the fact that constructive criticism is just not really welcome on fanfic sharing platforms. For better or for worse, in 90% of the cases, people are only gonna comment on a fic to praise it. I think that's fine in the sense that most people aren't aspiring professional writers, but it doesn't make for the best environment to improve and grow as a writer more than simply practicing the art would help anyways. If you're lucky, someone will specify the reasons they enjoy the story, but just like we can't expect everyone to write perfectly, we can even less expect all readers to spend half an hour writing a carefully worded review. I kind of wish there was a setting on ao3 where you could mark a fic as "open to criticism", so people who are just writing for themselves can just keep doing their thing unbothered, but people interested in honing their craft could get more nuanced feedback than "OHHHH MY GOOOOOD I LOVE THIS".

The kind of funny thing for me is that all original fiction I've written or attempted to write up until now was very much based around my own personal experiences, so writing from the perspective of men in the 60s who had insanely different lives from mine actually really forced me out of my comfort zone in a way? And the work I put into the historical research is considerable, so I just think that really doesn't match up with what fanfic-haters imagine the genre to be?

Of course, a bunch of stories do match up with antis' expectations of it, but alas that's not fanfiction as a medium's fault and there's nothing inherently wrong with stories written with their main purpose being escapism. I mostly think people should be aware that that's what they're consuming and if that's the only thing they consume, they might be missing out on more challenging ideas.

#I think that's most of my thoughts? #if I missed anything major Sarah brought up you'd like to hear my thoughts on please tell me :) #ask #anon #fic #fiona.docx

[distant-screaming]

Hello hello, did you miss me? 😄

If you ask me, the first to go in a death game scenario would be Khan, he has some serious indecisive tendencies, plus he's too hot-headed for his own good. So he could either not make an important decision in time, or bring trouble upon himself by acting impulsively, like starting a fight with the wrong people. That's how I see it.

Now, I have some more random party questions to ask:

🧤 if you had to write one character with flipped personality traits, which do you think would be the most fun to write and why?

🧦 what is the weirdest AU that you have ever written/would like to write (if any)?

🧣 are there any ships that you would never, not in a million years, write about? Spill the tea 👀

By the way, thanks for the additions to my Akk Aye playlist 😊

Anon!! Indeed I missed you very much <3 glad to see you again (you in the loosest sense of the word akgksjcjc)

Hmm I can totally see that! Kan going out first makes a lot of sense - though I'd want to keep him alive just for the kanthua drama, yknow?

For these questions I'll stick to answering from bls because if I include all my fandoms we'd be here a real long time xksndnd

🧤 - (I'm using emojis I've never seen before this is great btw) OOOOH what an interesting question! By flipped personality traits, I'd assume they're like the exact opposite of canon, right? In that case I think writing Kinn from Kinnporsche would be hilarious. Source: trust me bro.

🧦 - as I might have mentioned, I tend to not write AUs (at most I'll write canon divergence). That said, somehow I've ended up writing a bunch of different ones - including heist AU for zukka and a fantasy AU for hq! Probably the weirdest AU I've written so far is... weird on the basis of 'why would you write this and also what is happening' - the Ayan's nightmare AU I wrote like last week. It's just kinda like, I'm not entirely sure why it came into existence sjfksjdjd but it's there! I'd love to write a soulmate goose AU at some point because I think it's absolutely hysterical. (By that I mean a goose literally pops into existence and physically pushes soulmates together. Obviously this leads to shenanigans.) I'd write it for any fandom, honestly!

🧣 - sigh okay so. As a general rule, I'll write almost anything at least once before I put a huge cross next to it, even things I might find I don't personally enjoy - it'll probably come out bad, but I'd write it! THAT SAID. I refuse to write anything about real people. Ever. It's just all sorts of icky for me. So I guess the actual answer would be 'any real people ship'!

Thank you for coming by <3333

#distant screaming screams into the void #anon beloved #I'm glad you enjoyed my song recs >:) #I should. Probably start actually tagging these buuuuut meh

[laufire]

I was tagged by @wisteria-lodge (ty!)

The Game: List the first lines of your last 20 stories (if you have less than 20, just list them all!). See if there are any patterns. Choose your favourite opening line. Then tag some authors!  

I went with the last 20 saved (well, edited) documents in my WIPs folder.

tagging: @elasticella @missbrunettebarbie @bebewrites @bombshellsandbluebells @punishandenslavesuckers @anghraine @toboldlywrite @sienarosso @grapecase and whoever else feels like giving it a go, just drop a mention so I see it ^-^

1. Castiel didn’t come to the decision easily; it shamed him to say that it had been, in no small part, a question of pride. (SPN. pre-s4 canon-divergence AU. The idea was inspired by this anon’s prompt).

2. A man in a trench coat had lurked on the corner of his eye all day; now, he waited for Dean outside his motel’s room. (SPN. This one was also inspired by an anon’s prompt (smh); it’s a Meg and Castiel role reversal AU, so now I have a whole ‘verse in my head with demon!Castiel and angel!Meg and how they’d fit in the story, meet the Winchesters, etc.).

3. Sometimes Bela indulged in the thought that the worst thing about Hell was the tedium, the rutine and repetition of the day to day; but then, the torture started. (SPN. My “Castiel gets Bela out of Hell” AU).

---

5. In the upcoming days, Silver will work hard to forget this truth: when he dared to reveal his true nature to the crew, it wasn’t because he sorely needed to replentish his energy after losing his leg; it was because he’d hoped they would kill him. (Black Sails. Vampire Silver AU).

6. John Murphy’s second life started when he woke up hungry and filthy in a half dug mass grave. (The 100. Vampire Memori AU -part of my Vamp/Blade T100 AU series. Indra is Blade btw xD).

7. The last thing Anna espected was to open her eyes again after Michael’s attack. (SPN. Self-indulgent Anna/Mary AU).

8. “I take it the interrogation didn’t go your way.” Castiel couldn’t stop himself from needling Dean, who glared at him while his hands still shook. (SPN. Endverse!Megstiel story).

---

10. Someone else might have thought they just woke up from a nightmare, but Silver knew his head had just hit against the rocks. (Black Sails. Max & Silver, Russian Doll inspired fusion, set in s1 of the show).

11. After talking with the rattled Ms. Bose, Jo could feel her luck in this hunt was finally changing. (SPN. Bela/Jo, s3 canon-divergence AU. Three guesses as to who is Ms. Bose).

12. Sam had put if off when Lucifer started raising; when he and Dean were on the plane; when Zachariah had them spilling their guts; in the hospital... but finally, he reunited a few seconds of calm to freak. The fuck. Out. (SPN. My Ruby’s Terror Twins series lmao -Ruby screams out she’s pregnant, shocks Sam and Dean enough she can escape with her knife. Then, a few months later...).

13. Ruby opened her eyes, and immediately knew two things: the slash in her stomach was healed, and she’d put her faith in the right deity. (SPN. Ruby Lives AU. Ideally, a rewrite, but that might be too ambitious xD. Of s5, sure).

---

16. What Moira first noticed about Akeri was the book he’d tried to hide beneath his clothes; the carved marks on his cheeks came second. (Black Sails. Maroon Queen x Mr. Scott -who I gave alternate names because I can’t write an entire fic about them and pretend they call each other that lol).

17. Alastair spoke to Dean in a tone that sat in between that of a lover and a proud father. (SPN. Alastair brings Bela for Dean to torture).

18. The letters -all four of them now- never came signed; for that matter, there was nothing specific or damning enough, no misstep hidden within them that he could have used, and so he stopped looking for those. (Black Sails. Rackham x Rogers Foe Yay post finale lol).

19. That very night Silver will curse himself for his naivete, for thinking you can escape from something while you plant roots on a place; but in truth, the day had started so well. (Black Sails. An attempt to explore certain ideas about Silver’s past that’s likely to go nowhere lol).

20. At the ten year mark Silver returned to land and found the wrong woman waiting for him on the beach. (Black Sails. A weird “Silver ends as the captain of the Flying Dutchman” canon-compliant AU).

Patterns: ig the most notable one is that I like to throw the reader in the middle of the action, especially in fic. Often I go back and elaborate on the context, but I like a cold open xD

Favourite: I’m very happy with them all (first lines matter to me), but I’m especially fond of 9 and 14 for Latoya and Eva’s dramatics; 5 with vampire!Silver (ouchie); and 13 for the irony xD

#supernatural #black sails #the 100 #memori #castiel #bela talbot #spnruby #john silver #maroon queen #dean winchester #sam winchester #bela x jo #anna x mary #rackham x rogers #megstiel

[1-800-i-ship-it]

*distant cackling* khunbam and zukka for the ship asks!

hello anon (SORRY THIS IS RLLY LATE BTW) jhasdljf u didnt specify which  questions so here we go, im doing the ones i want to xD: 

i wrote this like a few months ago and now im editing it again lmao im so sorry anon it took me so long it was buried in drafts,,,idek if u follow me anymore but whoever reads this, hope u enjoy ^^ 

what was your first ship, and what fandom is it from?

hmm i think percabeth from pjo would count as my first, but for like discovering fandom content, it would be fourtris, from divergent haha which is actually how i discovered fanfiction (i searched up alternate endings for allegiant bc i hated the ending...and found fics LMAO), but my first big phase was probably more like thg & everlark 

explain why do/don’t ship [pairing]

khunbam: they would die for each other and also make such an amazing team?? (hello wave controller and light bearer combo) and just ugh theyre so good for each other if i keep going im gonna go on a tangent haha 

zukka: i just think zuko and sokka work well together and idk i know like maiko is canon but i dont think they would be very healthy for each other? and just like, idk they went to boiling rock together and like sokka actually tells zuko about yue and jahljdf they’d just be gr9 together 

how did you start shipping [pairing]?

khunbam: at some point i was like YOUR HONOR THEYRE GAY somewhere in s2 i just had the realization like, wtf theyre totally in love 

zukka: after i finished atla and poked around fandom, and i found i really liked the zukka ship 

is there a ship that you used to ship, but don’t anymore?

hmm okay probably catoxkatniss, i think i read it bc a friend recced to me? and so i read a few fics on it but i always felt bad when peeta was made out to be the bad guy or whatever so yea i would say i dont really ship that anymore, and for others i would say i just kinda lost my hyperfixations rip lmao but i still ship them 

what’s a ship you like that most people don’t?

uhh idk, but (forgive me) karoomba 

what’s a ship you hate that most people like?

ehhh i wouldnt say i hate any ship that most people like? but i would say i dont really fancy zutara, but its not like i hate it or anything

what is the most underrated ship, in your opinion?

hmm i dont know honestly haha, maybe daniel & jay from lookism or hangang & jasmine from zero game, tho its prob mostly bc i havent went and explored stuff yet and gotten involved haha 

what is the most overrated ship, in your opinion?

bam x endorsi 

do you prefer [pairing] as an otp, brotp, or notp?

khunbam & zukka otp! 

why do you think [pairing] is so popular?

khunbam: they have chemistry its there!! literally gay for each other from the start i swear and just how they act around each other vs other people

zukka: theres a vid i watched on why zukka is so good but like yeah idk why? i think mostly fandom haha and boiling rock, and i think they would complement each other really well 

why do you think [pairing] isn’t popular?

dunno about this one haha i think most of my pairings r popular? ig prob the underrated ships above i listed, tho that may be due to like again me not actively seeking content for those haha; khunbam and zukka r pretty popular already

rate [pairing] from 1-10 and explain why

khunbam: 10+++ bc i love them 

zukka:  10+++ bc i also love them

sorry head empty no brain 

hyperfixation for these 2 actually kind of slipping now actually lmao rip 

what’s your favorite headcanon of [pairing]?

khunbam: they’re both moronsexuals for each other, hm and wear each other’s clothes haha 

zukka: bi sokka gay zuko, also idk if this counts but zuko talking to turtleducks about his problems in the garden haha  

what’s your favorite canon moment of [pairing]?

khunbam: THE HUG OR WHEN THEY FIRST MEET AND KHUN ASKS WHERE BAM GOT BLACK MARCH FROM 

zukka: BOILING ROCK when they talk about plans and both of them dunno what to do xD

favorite AU ideas for [pairing]?

khunbam: soulmate, artists, coffee shop 

zukka: college au 

realistically, do you think [non-canon pairing] will ever be canon? why or why not?

khunbam: maybe???? very very very slim chance tbh imo ig bc apparently bam will have a female love interest but im not entirely sure about that 

zukka: not really since maiko is basically canon haha 

have you ever written fanfiction/drawn fanart of [pairing]? would you consider it?

khunbam: i wrote poems for them and i have a few wips, so yes i would consider it! it just sucks im kind of losing my hyperfixation rip but maybe i can get it back by writing lmao 

zukka: no i havent, i did have some edit ideas i think but idk if i will get to them haha 

also i am tempted to try and learn to do art but idk if i have the time to lmao rip 

thank u for the ask!! this was actually pretty fun to do, hope u dont mind i skipped a few questions haha 

#bluris answers asks #SSORRY THIS IIS SO LATE #khunbam #zukka #tower of god #atla #anon #asjkdlfjwefkaf #i drafted this legitt back in fall quarter im p sure #and now im on break after winter quarter #aaaksdlfwef yeah i am so so so sorry for the really reallyyyyy late response anon if ur still following me and see this haha #im trying to answer all my buried asks befoer break is over ive got like 2 days left rip #hope whoever reads this enjoys it lmao #have a nice day~

[onthevirgeofdestruction]

35 Q’s for Fanfic Writers

From this post

I’m having a shitty, rude alter-y, crap night so I’m just going to answer all of these to distract myself and focus and to not bother anybody just making my own post and putting it under the cut btw, notice to anyone not aware: since I’m moving I won’t likely be updating anything until I’m done doing so.

1. From one to five stars, how would you rate your writing?  (No downplaying yourself!) 3/5? Could use more editing and description and can be weirdly paced.

2. Why do you write fanfiction? Because it’s better than focusing on pain 24/7. 

3. What do you think makes your writing stand out from other works? I don’t seem to have a specific narrative voice that people recognize but I’m pretty proud of mostly organic dialogue. 

4. Are there any writers that inspire you? as a rule i never look up to anybody for inspiration but there’s some stuff in my ao3 bookmarks I fawn over.

5. What’s the fic you’re most proud of? Right now, none of them. It changes normally, anyway. If get too proud then I’d get my ass kicked by RSD if someone didn’t like it so it’s safer this way

6. What element of writing do you find comes easily? Dialogue. 

7. What element of writing do you struggle with most? Organic description, poetic language kind of stuff. I can paint a scene but I’m not so great with bring out out a feeling with description alone.

8. Which character(s) do you find easiest to write? Janus and Virgil are probably tied. They both have things I struggle with but I don’t have to go back and do much adjusting of language and tone with them. Though admittedly my Virgil is signifigantly more foul-mouthed than canon and I tend to prefer pre-AA feral asshole Virgil.

9. Which character(s) do you find most difficult to write? Patton. I write him the least, so people can probably tell. I love Patton, I really do, but it’s so hard to keep away from fanon Patton. 

10. What’s your favorite genre to write for? Angst w/ H/C obviously. Or if you’re talking about regular book genres, Fantasy. I fucking love fantasy world building.

11. Who or what do you find yourself writing about most? Trauma. I blame Daeram. As if Ayri isn’t a giant Angst Demon.

12. Tell us about a WIP you’re excited about. Slopes. I’m really into it. I’ve got three one shots running right now. Patrons can read the first part of the unnamed cat remus one, there’s also a coffeeshop au tropey nonsense one like eglantine & lycoris, but Slopes is addiction angst. Mmmmm. Virgil is addicted to coke and alcohol and will listening to his friends even be in time? Who knows, especially not me, but there’s already over 30k. 

13. First fandom you ever wrote for? InuYasha. Or was it Harry Potter? Or shit, The Blue Sword? Fuck, I’ve been writing for a long time, I really have no idea.

14. What’s your favorite fandom to write for? Sanders Sides. The characters are the perfect dynamic for writing since they exist in balance of each other and the popular, easy to project on archetypes featured are incredibly fun to do basically any scenario with.

15. What’s the weirdest fandom you’ve ever written for? Weird storywise? Kingdom Hearts? I can’t even follow the plot anymore. Weird Fandomwise? Sanders Sides. Its simultainiously the fluffiest and angstiest nonsense at the same time.

16. Any guilty pleasure trope(s)? Vampires. Gay ones. Gay Vampires. I also love calm tol and angy smol.

17. A trope you’ll never, ever write for. Any tropes that normalize incredibly toxic behaviour or tropes that are inherantly ableist, but I can’t think of any.

18. Wildest fic you’ve ever written? Incorrigible continues to be complete nonsense.

19. Do you prefer canon-compliant, AUs, or something in-between? AUs. I mean closest I even have is canon-divergence other than a single short.

20. Gen fic or shippy stuff? I like it when there is gay nonsense along with a plot that is treated as more important than the relationship the most. But I like both. There’s more shippy stuff in tss so i read more shipping action by default.

21. Favorite pairing to write for? (platonic or romantic!) Anxceit/Sleepxiety, but in general, give me darksides or give me death/j

22. Do you listen to anything while you write? Almost everything I write has a special playlist I listen to to help me write it, but otherwise I listen to my Nyan playlist, an alter is picking the tunes, or a voidfam playlist. I never have music off. When my internet is down I just listen to the songs I own or Anxiety’s theme on loop.

23. Do you prefer prompts and challenges, or completely independent ideas? I’m fine with all of them. I love working with prompts but I tend to deviate. And I’ve never done a challenge since I can’t do deadlines and bad things happen bingo never sent me a card and I applied three times.

24. One-shots or multi-chaptered works? I am generally multi-chaptered stuff, but I’ve been working on a few one-shots lately that are much longer than most one shots.

25. Have you ever daydreamed about side adventures/spin-offs from your fic? Tell us about them! I was originally thinking of doing some little 13-year-old Dreaming!Roman (y’know, the one with a job) shorts but it turns out I just had an alter of that little bastard and that’s why I inexplicably know more about him then I ever even considered. I still might do them after Dreaming is done. But that’s paced so slowly who knows when that might happen. Otherwise I put stuff in my notes and just do shorts of it if I’m like “oh you know what’s cool???” but since I can’t daydream maybe this question doesn’t apply to me.

26. Is there anything you’ve wanted to write, but you’ve been too scared to try? I want to do more autism stuff, and I’ve had it demanded a few times, but I’m scared of being that explict about it for some reason. Possibly because I might be, possibly because I’m scared of doing it wrong even though I’ve accidentally coded multiple characters autistic. I’m scared of explictly tagging them as such, too. 

27. What’s the nicest comment you’ve ever received? That I can remember off the top of my head? I’m going with one from @a-genz-with-trauma-and-kins. It really helped me out and was just so kind and literally the best christmas gift I got in 2020. 

28. How well do you handle criticism when it comes to your writing? I can handle it alright but Daeram is a little fucking pissbaby about it. Constructive criticism helps people get better, so I appreciate it. I can’t handle critism that is incomplete, though. “i just don’t get it” or “I don’t know I don’t like it” kind of things. If I can’t understand the why to fix it then things get out of control. And then I spiral and RSD for like four days minimum. If it came from an anon or a troll, too, It might not bother me for as long. Things that are just like “this is shit and you should feel bad” just make me laugh. Couldn’t even bother to read it long enough to insult me proper? I don’t care.

29. Have you ever gone outside of your comfort zone for a fic? How did it turn out? I have a few times. Mostly in shorts and prompts, I think. I think they turned out okay. They’re not particularly inspired or anything.

30. Tooth-rotting fluff or merciless angst? Depends on my mood. Am I triggered? give me the fluff. Am I vibin? Angst. 

31. Do you have any OCs? Tell us about them! Fuck, fam, no, I can’t, I have so many. I have multiple original stories and some of them have very large casts and like holy fuck. Or do you mean in Sanders Sides fandom? Um, Morgan and Thorn in PD. The lesbian and her himbo dynamic. I love them. They’re dorks. Morgan is strong person with sharp tongue and soft romantic heart and Thorn is just so kind and so dumb and so exciteable he’s like a puppy. They were just filler characters and I got attached to them. Felton even gets redemption for being an ass later in PD, like oof i never intended to include so much OC content, especially for names I just picked randomly. 

32. Summarize a random fic of yours in 10 words or less. nope I’m doing all of them because these are fun plea for my new self: 2 gay vampires, 4 humans, 1 braincell dreaming while I wake: trauma child needs therapy and so do you break: big oof, oh dragons, oh why, go virgil go rebuild: virgil is so not okay there’s more virgil to deal painful death: gay teens drink themselves into a new religion stargazing: whoops we didn’t realize people actually cared whole castle: everyone will throw down for kid!patton, even you incorrigible: found family with a shot of psychological horror and crack dangerous instincts: wholesome crime syndacite action  slopes: addict gets mugged and thinks that’s just fine with him conflagration: logan avoids everything ever like a champ cat!remus: bored fae shifts gay pining from one person to another  caffeine cyptids: caffinated gay panic goes faster than regular gay panic eglantine & lycoris: more tropes than you can toss a shoe at storytime: overpowered virgil also overreacts literally always

33. Is there anything you wish your audience knew about your writing or writing process? an alter and I write together and I have absolutely no idea what’s going to happen, what I’m writing about, or even what year it is. I often don’t even remember what I wrote. There’s no outline. I have an idea and I pick things at random for it. There’s just notes and an evil gleam in a demon’s eye. The only reason I know more than readers is because I take a long time to edit and some of these stories have fucking alters up in my head who can tell me things. Daeram tells me nothing. The writing demon supposedly has all this knowledge but I have absolutely no clue because he does not talk to me, he just fronts and slams out 9k in a few hours or we cofront to write and I’m like “oh no she didn’t” while typing 

34. Copy and paste an excerpt you’re particularly fond of. i’m fond of the entire painful death series and I tried to find something I really liked without spoilers in stargazing and I couldn’t so here’s a random thing from incorrigble: “So, what do you do with your friends?” Patton continued on with a megawatt smile. “Grand larceny,” Virgil deadpanned and glared at Patton, who was taken aback. Remy and Andy just broke out laughing while Virgil tentatively sipped his still-too-hot-cocoa. 

35. Ramble about any fic-related thing you want!  slopes my dudes slopes i have learned so much about cocaine! like wow! I thought for a minute it was going to end with MCD around 30k but it swtiched from whump to hurt/comfort and I still don’t know if it’s going to be MCD but look at that funky little coke/alcohol addict go, it’s a medical wonder he’s alive! It’s not like there’s what seems to be a little talked about interaction between alcohol and cocaine that causes a toxic chemical to build up in the liver which can result in liver failure and sudden death at basically any moment! Which is part of why it may result in MCD but this time no ghosts! maybe it’ll be h/c with whump elements or maybe it’ll be whump with h/c elements we can’t know for sure

#ayri writes #tw drug mention

[the-prince-and-the-thief]

Come at me with the lore, fam, after making my own overly complicated fanfic for almost more than a decade with its own magic system nothing surprises me

//OH BOY YOU’RE IN FOR A TREAT

I’m putting it under a cut to save your dash. 

TW: A lot of stuff. Rape, sexual abuse, abortion, murder... just... just prepare for the worst. 

//Okay, so, Blazblue AU. 

Key characters here are: Kagura Mutsuki, Ragna the Bloodedge, Celica A. Mercury, my OC Riku Akasaka, and of course Ren and Goro. 

First off, in the BB world, there is a one-world government police state that’s currently been having a bunch of in-fighting and schisms since... forever. They had a civil war (the good guys in this fight lost 8( ), and Kagura has been trying to fix shit for uh... a long time. He’s got the true heir to the throne (Homura Amanohosaka, I think? Their name is long.) 

This is an alternate canon where Kokonoe decided to bring her dead aunt back to life like, 3 games early. So it diverges during Calamity Trigger, or The Only Game I Understood (tm). Celica has this power to absorb seithr, or magic energy that can also kill you. The main villain’s body is kind of MADE of seithr. The main villain, Terumi, had a plan to merge with his host and make himself unkillable by linking his life to Noel Vermillion’s. But because Celica decided to show up and cling to Ragna, plans did not go through, but the time loop didn’t restart. Ragna’s plans are at a standstill as well, and he gets attached to Celica, and... it’s complicated. 

To sum up Ragna’s story super quick because it’s side information-- He falls for Celica, they have twins, Ragna realizes that his soul-eating grimoire could kill said kids, gets Jubei to cut it off of him, and they live mostly happily for a while until Celica starts dying of seithr poisoning. Then Terumi decides to finally pay back for having his plans ruined, kills Celica, burns Ragna’s house down AGAIN (you know, for extra trauma), and kidnaps one of his kids. The other had a power like her mother so she didn’t get taken because being near her made Terumi sick. Ragna nearly died in all of this, spent years trying to make a decent life for his daughter, got arrested, and then after basically making prison hell for everyone else with his anger and violence, was basically given a plea deal by Kagura of “Look my dude, get on my side in this government coup I’m doing and we’ll basically give you your daughter back, a job, and a steady income. We cool bro?” Aaaand by the time Akechi is around he’s a parent with 7 kids, 2 who are the same age as Akechi and grew up being his friends. 

Kagura is the part where it gets relevant to Akechi. Kagura hears about this scandal with the Fumizuki family (long story short Shido is a Fumizuki in this case because it’s a Duodecim family they haven’t used yet, and it means “month of erudition” so I figured a focus on intelligence above all else would be fitting...) involving a bastard kid whos mom just died. Now the whole family is looking to basically throw this kid as far away from them as possible. 

Kagura, at this point, is a walking scandal magnet and has stopped giving a fuck. He married a woman literally nobody in his family liked, started a government coup, gave Ragna the Bloodedge the sweetheart deal of a lifetime and more. His wife is my character Riku, who uh... 

Goddamnit, another character break. You see why I said this would take a year and a half? XD Anyway, Riku. Riku is one of the last Japanese people in this setting. Japan got magic nuked in Blazblue, to put it bluntly. A giant world-ending monster decided to appear there first. Japan is *still* not inhabitable centuries later. The Japanese people are very few and far between, and Riku’s family is one of the last families that can boast a 100% Japanese heritage. Y’know. Except for Riku. Because her mom went and married an outsider without her family’s permission. Her mom doesn’t give a single solitary fuck what others think and does what she wants. So she’s actually only half Japanese, and her family treats her and her older brother like shit for it. They’re basically only cared about if they’re “useful”. Her brother went into the military academy to basically gain info for the family (they like to hoarde grimoires as well so the NOL and the Akasaka family kind of hate each other), but he “mysteriously went MIA”. I.e. was violently murdered and had his grimoire stolen. Riku went to the academy after to figure out what happened to her beloved onii-chan. It... did not go well for her. TW sexual abuse- she was raped in her freshman year, ended up pregnant, and when she went home in her third trimester, the head of her family forced her into an abortion that caused serious damage. They cut her hair off and basically sent her back to school traumatized and miserable. And now everyone in school treats her like a whore. She decides fuck it, if they’re gonna treat her like that, she’s going to use being a “whore” to her advantage. She slept her way to status, and, using her own special abilities, gathered a bunch of blackmail on literally everyone in the NOL. Nobody can mess with her, but she also has no one she can rely on. 

She was initially trying to use Kagura as well (trying to get put in intelligence so she could ruin the people who made her life hell), but Kagura noticed she didn’t actually seem to enjoy sex. He helped her get surgery to correct the damage done to her (he only convinced her to go along with this by saying it was for his own benefit. She did not trust him. He said basically he wanted to be the first person to make her enjoy sex.) She eventually began to open up to him and trust him when she realized they were very much alike. They both were isolated from their families for not following tradition, both had many enemies, and both genuinely wanted to destroy the government around them and create a better world. She joined him in the whole government coup thing, using her intelligence-gathering skills. They’re newlyweds when Akechi is a kiddo. 

Understandably, considering all of this, Riku doesn’t really want kids... the trauma of it all is a bit too raw. So Kagura wasn’t really planning to adopt him? He figured he’d give him temporary housing, then send him off to Ragna. Ragna would gladly adopt the kid after all. But he and Riku found out they were very attached to this sad little kid who didn’t understand why everyone looked down on him. Riku, in particular, could relate to his problems. 

So Akechi gets a nice, (mostly) stable family! He meets Ren in middle school. Ren outed a pedo teacher that was very well-liked by most of the students and staff, getting him fired and arrested. So, he was something of an outcast. Akechi, upon hearing this, decides that Ren is a hero. (And Ren p much instantly had a crush on him after that). The two grow up as childhood friends. They’re pretty inseparable. Ren doesn’t really like being at home with his family (they’re very much the type that says nothing to avoid being a target for potential assassination. The NOL has been legit very dangerous their entire lives, after all. So their outspoken, determined child causes them no shortage of headaches), so he’s always hanging out at Akechi’s place. 

You can probably guess that, actually knowing Akechi’s life story, Ren *actually* assaulted Shido when he saw the dude trying to assault another woman. He was genuinely enraged and just kinda lost it. >>; Thankfully connections save Ren. Kagura basically goes “Ok so enjoy going to the military academy as a reform school. Also you need someone to keep an eye on you. ....My son can do that.” Really... he just wanted Ren to look out for his son. 

See, Akechi in this verse is still very concerned with status? He feels that he owes it to his mother and father to live up to his family name, because they’ve done so much for him. He wants to be accepted by the Duodecim as a whole. Riku and Kagura tried their very best to keep him the hell away from all of that political bullshit, but the kid decided to go into the military anyway. He’s not physically the strongest, and he’s pretty naive and childish, deep down. His parents are pretty damned sure that Goro will be eaten alive if left on his own there. (The military academy is, for the record, it’s own massive city. So they wouldn’t exactly be able to keep an eye on him.) So, Renren gets asked to protect his friend. 

They also get chosen by two grimoires while there. These are the Rebel’s Grimoire and the Hero’s Grimoire. Grimoires are basically... to put it bluntly, training wheels for magic. Most people suck at magic by nature. Hell, most people don’t even USE grimoires. They use the even bigger training wheels that are Ars Magus. Grimoires usually specialize in a particular ability. They have their own rules, conditions for use, and often choose their hosts. People fuse with their grimoires over time. If the two become completely synchronized it’s called a Remix Heart. (This is the only important lore information from Remix Heart btw, I saved you from reading a crappy fanservice manga, you’re welcome.) 

The Hero’s Grimoire picks a host with a strong sense of justice. The Rebel’s Grimoire picks a host with a very rebellious spirit. The catch is, they always pick their hosts at the same time, and the hosts are always very connected souls, two sides of the same coin. The Rebel’s grimoire also likes to do this *wonderful* thing where it latches on your face and only accepts you if you rip it off. If you don’t, it kills you! Fun times. Goro turned around to look at Ren when this happened, and the Hero’s Grimoire embedded itself into his spine. (Ren’s looks like a pair of glasses when not in use, Akechi’s looks like a crow tattoo with a weird growth between his shoulder blades.) 

The two grimoires are sentient and talk to their owners while giving them similar but contrasting powers. Ren can use his Third Eye ability from the games, destroy barriers, teleport through shadows, and has very little presence-- almost nobody notices him around unless he’s pointed out or makes himself known. Goro has the same third eye ability, can create barriers/obstructions, can obscure his movements in bright light (either dazzling people or simply teleporting in light), and has a glamour that attracts others to him. (Ren uses this to basically cling to Akechi at all times while nobody notices him. He loves it. Akechi hates it, because PLEASE STOP HITTING ON ME I HAVE A BOYFRIEND HE’S RIGHT. HERE. ) 

The phantom thieves also still exist in this AU! They have a different MO but similar intents and goals. Basically, they steal back what the NOL has taken from others. Or, if said thing can’t be replaced (like, say, innocence, trust, etc) then they’ll take what they consider a karmic equivalent (status, power, etc). It actually all started because Ren wanted to get Riku’s grimoire back (Akechi was still vERY upset that the government had it, how dare they do that to his family). So Akechi is on the team from the beginning. Whether he wants to be or not. 

There’s a lot more but this is just the basics... @_@ I told ya it was a lot. 

#ooc #honestly i'm scratching the surface here #Masked Shadow

[harocat]

Fic Rec Post:

I’ve had several people ask for this, so here’s a post made up of my personal Victuuri fic recs. I’ll keep adding to this btw and reblog it whenever I add more because it is SUPER DUPER incomplete. 

Btw if I recommend one fic by an author, you can generally assume I rec their others. This is not always the case, but that’s what summaries and tags are for. I would definitely recommend checking out their other works though!! 

Non-au:

And the answer is… by nessiesaur (Yuuri Katsuki is adorable, but also one of the most mature people in their class. Yuuri Katsuki is in her study group, which definitely saved her ass on the midterm. Yuuri Katsuki is…wait, who is he!?)

#4ContsFigure by animaginaryquill (An instagram feed of shenanigans at the Four Continents Competition )

like a design by jinlian (At twenty-five years old, Yuuri Katsuki makes his first Olympic team. This comes with its own set of responsibilities and questions, and a three-time Olympian husband only might be prepared to handle them. ) 

An Intangible Force of Motion by doeinstinct (The new season is in full-swing, and Viktor is realizing just how much work it is to coach and compete, but the exhilaration is worth it. The pain in his leg is probably just from overworking. Probably. ) 

begin to be half of what you think of me by kevystel (In which Yuuri's self-image finally starts aligning with reality. ) 

your love is my turning page by cityboys (Victor and the hours he spends waiting, reflecting and figuring things out. ) 

sight of the sun by cityboys (Wherein their honeymoon brings Victor face-to-face with a lot of firsts in his life.) 

Now When Arrows Don't Penetrate, Cupid Grabs the Pistol by ken_ichijouji (dommific) ( Phichit Chulanont doesn't know how he ended up the skating world's wingman, but he ain't mad at it.) 

The Happiest I've Ever Been by rainingover (The press conference is due to start in less than twenty minutes and they’re definitely going to be late if they don’t leave right away, but it’s proving impossible for Victor to leave the hotel. Completely and irrefutably impossible. It’s all Yuuri’s fault, of course)

Water's Edge by Mhalachai (For years, Yuuri had heard people say Viktor’s skating was otherworldly. He never thought they were being literal.)

Undertow by Mhalachai (Viktor Nikiforov has spent his entire life pretending to be normal.It's never enough. This is the sequel to Water’s Edge) 

step into the golden dawn by Mayarene Rose (It’s still dark outside, only the first rays of sunlight beginning to peak out from behind the clouds. It’s a good thing to wake up to; a day just a few moments shy of being born. Or on what happens after.) 

Night is Young and the Music's High by opalish ("Best press conference ever," the Japanese Nationals silver medalist says when asked. “Ten out of ten, would medal again.” "I would die for Katsuki-kun," Minami declares, with terrifying sincerity.) 

Going for Gold by abarero (A series of character piece oneshots focusing on Yuuri Katsuki and his gold winning streak post-GPF.)

Let there be light, let there be light, let me be right by mooridayo (plane rides and train trips, from one country to the next, Yuuri and Victor watch the skies and track the growth of their relationship.) 

an ever-fixed mark by katsukifatale  (Yuuri is absolutely gorgeous. Viktor could write poems about the soft pink that paints his cheeks and nose. He could pen lyrics about the slope of Yuuri’s smile and the way he bites his lip to try to keep the laughter inside. The sparkle in Yuuri’s eyes would be enough to give hope to even the most lovelorn soul. The warmth of Yuuri’s body pressed against his and the bubbling heat of the feelings he induces in Viktor would be more than enough protection from even the harshest of Russian winters.Yuuri laughs again and ducks his head, embarrassed, and Viktor covers his mouth with his hand because he thinks he may have said some of that out loud. Oops.) 

20 Days (of you and me) by totaldislocation ( The start of Yuuri and Victor’s life together in St. Petersburg isn’t what either of them was expecting but, in a way, it’s perfect )

he’s my sun, he makes me shine like diamonds by wingchestr ( Viktor and Yuuri move to St. Petersburg and can’t keep their hands off each other. )

when you can’t lift that weight (I will) by karasunotsubasa ( "Yuuri, I always thought I would end up alone,” he says and Yuuri feels a little bit like crying, too. )

AU or Canon Divergence:

My Hero, Yuuri by Abarero (At the age of 23, Yuuri Katsuki is certain he's just a dime-a-dozen hero that will never make a difference. Little does he know that the moment his path crosses with legendary hero, Victor Nikiforov, both of their lives will begin to change for the better.) [WIP]

Victor Effing Nikiforov by shysweetthing (AU in which Yuuri still doesn’t remember the banquet, somehow doesn’t blow Japanese Nationals, runs into Victor at the World Championships, and has absolutely no idea why his idol is suddenly friendly and incredibly handsy. )

Like a Fairytale by lucycamui (In which Prince Victor gets swept off his feet at a royal banquet and will go to any length to find his 'Cinderella' Yuuri. And Phichit is the fairy godmother who has no idea what he's doing ) 

all the world's a stage by braveten (Everyone has a guilty pleasure.For Yuuri, it just happens to be romance movies starring famous heartthrob Victor Nikiforov.)

how the mighty fall (in love) by braveten (Every Victor Nikiforov fan has three things in common. 1. They have unrealistic expectations for romance. 2. They mark their calendars with the dates of his newest book releases and the premieres of his latest movie adaptations. 3. They either passionately hate or love his greatest rival, a mysterious author whose pseudonym is only two letters: “KY.” )

To Boldly Go by xylophones  (“Yuuri!” Viktor calls. “I’ve come to rescue you!”

Yuuri stares at him blankly. He gestures to the various unconscious space pirates with his recently discharged phaser. “Oh, Captain,” he deadpans. “Save me.” 

Or: A year in the life of badass science officer Yuuri Katsuki, Captain Viktor “Team Mom” Nikiforov, and simultaneously the best crew and worst crew in Starfleet history.)

This is now a series: Zero Gravity 'verse

a great desire to love by lily_winterwood (For some strange, inexplicable, fantastic reason, Yuuri Katsuki and Viktor Nikiforov are trading places. Kimi no Na wa AU.) 

Of Dahlias and Deadlines by ingthing  (All Victor wants is to get dahlias for Khloe and Brad's wedding in under 24 hours. Hope comes in the form of the little family florist in his neighborhood and the quiet smiles of one Katsuki Yuuri.) [WIP]

 Open At The Touch by kiaronna (Maybe Nishigori got ahold of a lock of Viktor's hair, and some Polyjuice potion. Maybe it's all an elaborate prank. With this as his only reasonable explanation, he steps forward, snags Viktor by his robes and tugs him in. "Nishigori," he says in Japanese, "this prank isn't funny. Your English is better than when I left, though.") 

Love in Exile by martymuses (Once a well know ballet dancer in St. Petersburg, Victor Nikiforov finds himself exiled to Sakhalin Island as a political convict in 1881. As a man sentenced to katorga he will never return to European Russia or his life on the stage. Known as the "Edge of the World," his life on Sakhalin could not be further from the life he once knew. Strange circumstances lead his path to cross that of a young Japanese man, one of the very few still living on the island. Katsuki Yuuri leads a life of exile of a different kind, one that is largely self-imposed. Drawn to each other, despite their differences, something slowly begins to grow between them. When a narrowly avoided tragedy leaves them stranded together for a long, cold Sakhalin winter, they are challenged to face what their relationship really means, and what future it could possibly have.) 

azure by ADreamingSongbird (Yuuri visits his boyfriend, admires some breathtaking scenery, and witnesses Durmstrang Institute's world-renowned star Quidditch player fall off his own broom, not necessarily in that order. (That last one may or may not be his fault, depending on who one asks.) 

The Rules For Lovers by ADreamingSongbird (Prince Yuuri Katsuki has a duty to his country, above all else (his desires, his dreams, and his happiness included), and he knows this alliance will help to ensure the safety of his people. That’s the only reason he accepts Prince Nikiforov’s hand in marriage. The pleasant surprise, of course, is the part where they fall in love along the way. The unpleasant one, well…That’s a long story.)

cancel your reservations by renaissance ( Yuuri is a college student conducting private fencing lessons for a handsome, rich, and mysterious student. Viktor is not learning to fence because he does medieval reenactments. )

The League of the Green Carnation by Abarero (There was one golden rule to being a Time Scientist: do not bring home anything that was a fixed point in history. This meant most artifacts, extinct animals and the like were permissible. Historical figures? Not so much.

But what about an author? Namely, Yuuri’s favorite author, who was murdered in 1887. Could he be saved? Well. Yuuri was sure as hell about to find out.)

Drag Your Soul to Shore by Linneakou (Just before Katsuki Yuuri advances to his first-ever Grand Prix Final, the skating world is sent reeling when a stranger destroys resident champion Viktor Nikiforov’s life in more ways than one, resulting in him being banned from competing and gaining the hatred of everyone he knows. After a chance encounter in Sochi in which Yuuri saves his life, Viktor follows Yuuri back home to Hasetsu as the spring snows fall. But when Viktor is plagued by strange happenings and unnaturally bad luck, Yuuri quickly realizes that something supernatural is responsible for everything that has happened. The question is, can Yuuri save Viktor again, and more permanently this time?) 

All Things Beautiful by StammiViktor (The voice is like bells, sharp and clear yet somehow infinitely soft. Warmth caresses Yuuri’s face and a shudder wracks his frozen frame.“You’re okay now. You’re safe.”(In the glacial waters near the North Pole, two worlds collide.)

On Your Every Word by StammiViktor (It starts, as most things do, with an extravagant banquet."Dance with me?"He’s holding out his hand. It’s an offering, an invitation, and a dare all in one.The onlookers part and a blinding smile graces the dancer’s lips.“Of course, Your Highness.”(A Royalty AU, with a twist))

The Elusive Vermilion Rose by Abarero (As the revolution builds in Larussia, a masked vigilante appears to whisk those destined for execution to safety. Not about to have his plans ruined, the king gives his two sons an offer they can’t refuse: discover this masked man’s identity if you wish to be heir to the throne.The youngest prince knows this is his only chance at the throne, while the older prince, Victor, finds himself caught in the middle; as his curiosity about the elusive Eros dances ever closer to affection.Meanwhile Yuuri Katsuki, a tailor from the neighboring country of Yamato, has been traveling back and forth more than usual... clearly because of the nobility clamoring to have the emperor’s own tailor make their clothes. And Yuuri and his three friends definitely don’t have anything to do with the so-called masked vigilantes in the Society of the Vermilion Rose. Nope, not at all.)

You can also check my fic rec tag for short fics I’ve reblogged! 

#yuri on ice #victuuri #fic rec #yoi text

[angelsdemonsducks]

(okay no we have to change that you don't get stuff for ask memes so if you're up for it how about 84 or 85 in the writing one :3? Because your hamburr au au was really really cute btw!!! )

This has been sitting in my inbox for the longest time now I am so s o r r y

So! Here it is! Number 85: Write an AU fic! Including canon era idiots, a soulmate au premise, and canon divergence because I wanted to avoid death if at all possible!

For most people, soulmates only exist as a nuisance. As something to complain about when they stub their toe or trip and skin their knee, because when one of a pair does, the other feels that pain as surely as if it were their own.

Most people don’t meet their soulmates in their lifetime. The world is, after all, very wide. Those who do are considered fortunate. Those who don’t find them, though, tend to find love on their own terms and are none the worse for it. Even though the pain that your soulmate feels is a constant that never goes away, no matter how hard you fall for someone else. An aching reminder that there is supposedly someone out there meant for you and you alone.

Burr has never given much thought to his soulmate, and when he does, it is nothing but annoyance, because it seems that whoever they are, they are constantly getting themselves into trouble. Have been since they were a kid. But as soon as the gun goes off, he knows, because he is watching with dread to see where the bullet strikes, his shout still ringing in the air but doing nothing to stop its deadly advance. I didn’t mean it, he thinks, and the bullet strikes right between Hamilton’s ribs.

An identical pain blooms in his chest, and it is all he can do to stay upright, and he knows.

He thinks he staggers forward. Hard to say; everything has gone a bit blurry and indistinct. He can hear nothing but the roaring of blood in his ears, can feel nothing but the sharp, stabbing pains running through him. The wound could very well be fatal, but he shies away from that thought. It won’t be; Hamilton will pull through, like he always does, and if he could just speak to him-

Then, he is being pulled back, and it is Van Ness’ hands on his shoulders, Van Ness who is saying something to him, his face frantic. There are few people out there who he would actually consider his friend, but Van Ness is one of them.

Once upon a time, Alexander had been another.

“-pull yourself together! We need to get you out of here, and-”

“William,” he breathes, a hand coming up to clutch at his chest. There should be blood there, but there isn’t, because it is Hamilton’s wound, not his, a wound that he dealt and-

He doesn’t know what his face looks like, but it must be a sight to behold. Whatever expression he’s making makes Van Ness stop where he is and stare, his gaze flickering back and forth between him and where Hamilton is lying on the ground.

“Shit,” he breathes after a moment, and Aaron can’t help but nod in agreement. “He’s your…? Nevermind, that just makes it more important to get you out of here right now.”

This time, he doesn’t protest, allows himself to be escorted away. His mind has gone blissfully numb.

Miraculously, Hamilton survives the night. And the next. And the next. Aaron begins to suspect, even as he rubs at the incessant ache, that while the literal bullet hit its mark, they have dodged the figurative one.

One of them, at least.

And that is how he finds himself on the Hamiltons’ doorstep one day, in no small amount of distress as Angelica Church glares at him, halfway hidden behind the door to her brother-in-law’s home. “Give me one good reason,” she is saying, “as to why I should allow you inside. Haven’t you done enough damage already?” Every word is like a viper sent to bite at his ankles, and for a moment, he considers running.

But that is not what he has come here to do.

“My sincerest apologies, Mrs. Church,” he says. “I have no intentions of doing anyone any harm today. But please, I really must speak to Hamilton, it is of utmost importance to me-”

Her glower deepens. “Oh, you must, must you?” she snaps, and then her attention is taken by a voice from inside. “Yes, it’s him,” she says, and pauses. The indistinct voice says something else. “No, I was just sending him on his way, but-” And then, the door opens wider, revealing Elizabeth Hamilton, eyes tired and sad.

“Come in, Mr. Burr,” she says. “I assume you are not here to carry out what you started with?”

“I am not, and even if I was, I am unarmed,” he assures her, and enters at her bidding. She leads him down the hallway in silence, their footsteps echoing one another’s. She stops at the foot of a staircase.

“Your actions almost cost me my husband,” she tells him, and he bows his head. Before he can respond, however, she continues. “And I fear they still will.” She stares pointedly at his chest, and he realizes with a start that he was rubbing at it again, absentmindedly. And looking into her eyes, he can tell that she knows exactly why he’s here.

“I have no intention of taking him from you,” he says.

She smiles, a small, sad thing, and shakes her head. “You couldn’t if you tried,” she says, “and I doubt you would. My worry is that he will go with you willingly.”

The worst thing is that he cannot even tell her that her fears are unfounded. And she knows it. She sighs.

“Do what you came here to do,” she tells him. “His room is the first you’ll come on.”

He thanks her and walks up the stairs. What else can he do? He cannot ease her pain anymore than she can ease his.

Eliza, he thinks, is a wise woman. She will outlive them all yet.

Hamilton is waiting for him. It is obvious in the lack of surprise in his eyes and bearing when he knocks and enters. And the way his gaze holds for a breath too long at his chest makes something else glaringly clear.

“You knew,” Aaron says, slumping into a chair by Hamilton’s bedside. “You knew.”

Hamilton’s eyes are tired too, though in a different way than Eliza’s. Perhaps this is why he answers in the way he does. “Yes,” he says simply, without prevarication or elaboration.

“You would have let me kill you.” It is not a question. Aaron already knows the answer. What he wants to know is why, and Hamilton knows it too.

“I suppose,” he replies. “I have to admit, I didn’t really expect you to. That came as a surprise. I still don’t understand why you were so angry. It was politics, not personal.”

Aaron laughs, and is surprised by the bitterness in it. “With us, it’s always personal,” he says, and feels slightly gratified when Hamilton concedes the point with a nod of his head, cracking a wry smile.

“You have a point,” he allows. “And in any case, I had no intention of hurting you. I’ve never wanted that, even putting all of-” He gestures to the two of them- “this aside.”

And that brings them right back to the point, something for which Aaron is grateful. He doesn’t particularly want to discuss the duel at the moment. Or ever, if he’s being honest. “How long have you known?” he asks, and they wince in tandem at the pain that shoots through them when Hamilton shrugs.

“Since the war,” he admits, and Aaron is surprised at the red hot anger that the words summon. “When you got heatstroke, do you remember? I’ll admit, dealing with that on top of everything else made things rather-”

“You knew all this time and you didn’t tell me.”

“And what should I have said?” Hamilton snaps, and oh, yes, there is that temper. Aaron can almost admit he missed it, as little sense as that makes. “I had Eliza and you had your Theodosia, and we were both happy. Upsetting the balance seemed foolish.”

“You mean upsetting your reputation seemed foolish,” Aaron corrects, and stands. At this point, he doesn’t know what to think anymore. One one hand, he knows that Hamilton makes a good point; he loved Theo and still does, and adding Hamilton to that would only have caused unnecessary confusion and strife.

But at the same time, knowing that Hamilton, his soulmate- and he still doesn’t know what he should do with that information- was within arms reach for most of his life and saw fit not to tell him about it… that burns.

“I don’t know what I thought I’d accomplish here,” he says, and moves toward the door. His visit thus far has caused him nothing but frustration, and at this point, he is ready to leave. There is only so much exposure to Hamilton he can take in one sitting.

He has almost exited before Hamilton makes his move. “Burr, wait!” he calls, and he must shift in place or try to sit up or do something, because a fresh wave of agony rips through him and leaves him fighting for breath and leaning heavily on the doorframe. Behind him, Hamilton is panting in a similar manner.

You did this, he reminds himself, as if he could ever forget.

“What is it you want from me, Alexander?” he asks, the familiar name slipping out without his consent. He hates the way his voice sounds far more pleading than angry, but it is too late to take it back.

There is a beat of silence, and then:

“Stay?” Alexander asks softly, and he turns to look at the man, this man he has known and loved and hated his entire life.

He should leave.

But he doesn’t. Instead, he crosses the floor to sit back down in that chair, and he stays. And he knows exactly the reason why, even if it’s not something he’ll ever care to admit.

Alexander has always been a difficult man to say no to.

#again im so sorry this took so long #i hope its okay #hamilton fanfic #hamburr #aaron burr #alexander hamilton #elizabeth schuyler #angelica schuyler