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life-rewritten · 3 years

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WE BEST LOVE (Fighting Mr 2nd) DEYI and The Theme of Control and Power

You know that show that you know you can talk about forever and be obsessed with, although it seems pretty simple and not really that complicated to analyse and break down? Well, We Best Love (WBL) is precisely that in the most amazing way. I'm not shocked because I've always been a fan of the History Series, especially with this writer and how she creates her projects; it's not surprising that WBL happens to be the most comfortable show to lean into. It feels like entering a cheesy, cute, romantic novel. Yet, it still is the most angsty, passionate, drama-filled plot enough to make you want to run into the screen and comfort these comfort characters, scream at them when they're not making sense, and keep watching despite the pain when you feel like they've gone too far. And I kept quiet and watched season 1 of WBL. I was entranced and in love because it was so simple, but it felt perfect for me; it was a distraction, it made me smile, and it also made my heart quiver. I adored all the actors, and I also enjoyed how the storyline was told. It doesn't have to be so deep and full of clues, but there were facets to the characters, clear set rules in understanding their character roles, and small hints building in the last episode that all was not well and a lot was coming for our couple in the future. It broke my heart because season 1 was focused on the immaturity and naiveness of how we feel when we enter university for the first time; the excitement, but still innocence of hopefully finding someone to mesh with, and yet the dumbness/naivety that can distract us or slow us down before knowing who that person is. Season 1 was light, funny, and sweet because that's how our doe-eyed souls feel when we first enter college and get to discover who we are. Season 2, on the other hand, is focusing on maturity, actually dealing with our flaws, coping with the responsibilities and hardships of life, duty and obligation vs wants and need; the characters are older now, affected by the world's cruelties/situations and now have walls up higher than before.

And in order to help us get that vibe, even more, our couple's relationship is put through the wringer, hearts torn, misunderstandings prolonged unfairly, and everyone broken just staying in a state of pining, longing and anger, anger, at what was lost to them; the innocence/fun of falling in love, the guise of being in control, and the joy of being free and dumb in love. It isn't a surprise to see our main character, Shide and Shu Yi, see their flaws fleshed out more in the open and actually increased and exposed for us, the audience, to watch and dislike. Shu Yi's short temper becomes even more exposed as he struggles to have control over his past and feelings for Shide once they reunite, and Shide's withdrawal of emotions also becomes even more strained and put on focus as he also realises what he has lost. Both of them enter this sick twisted, and tense need for control and power that their relationship becomes intense and full of passion hidden behind the anger and resentment. So I'm going to break down the idea of Control and Power with these twos relationship, a certain theme that has been there since season 1, and why now it's something both rivals are struggling to obtain to win, especially Shuyi, who is determined this time to not be Mr 2nd when it comes to Shide again. Hence the title Fighting Mr 2nd.

Misunderstandings and Miscommunications

Let's first focus on the miscommunication/ separation at hand. This exposed so much already about how these two felt about the power they hold over the other. Let's first look at what season 1 exposed; for Shide, Shuyi has always had control over him since the moment his young self told him that he would be a companion to him whenever he was lonely. Shide has desperately loved Shuyi and did everything possible to ensure he kept Shuyi's focus on him no matter what. The way he decided to do this was to put himself in a place more powerful than Shuyi; he put himself always ahead of Shuyi, ensuring he was always number one no matter what. This was how he controlled the situation; for him, as long as Shuyi noticed him, he was happy to continue hoping for a change and also making him react. In Shide's mind, he never wanted to force/ make Shuyi fall for him because he didn't think it was possible. He just wanted to be by his side (as a 'friend') until graduation was over.This shows me already some stuff about their relationship. How Shide perceives Shuyi; one, he didn't trust in Shuyi's love as being as strong as he was. He even says it to Shuyi on the bridge when they confessed to each other. For him, Shuyi was always the 'lucky' one; the one in control, the real winner because he had him in his palm of his hand. Shuyi was the one who made him whipped, the one he chased after secretly for 8 years or more. Shuyi has always been the one with the hold over him. Immediately they got together, Shide also tells Shouyi his confusion but the happiness that Shuyi is also feeling the same towards him.

Shide can't believe the switch in Shuyi's personality and actions for him; Shuyi still tried to play of Shide's grand confessions of love in the last episode, and Shide was okay as long as Shuyi kept paying attention to him. But in my head, it showed that Shide didn't think Shuyi's love was as unconditional, as strong, as uncontrollable as his. He didn't know he had any hold over Shuyi. He thought it was his constant love and chase that won Shuyi in the end, so what happens when he thinks he pushed Shuyi away? In Shide's perspective, he's the one who slacked behind and pushed Shuyi away by disappearing for 5 years, which fair enough makes sense; Shuyi has every right to be angry at being ghosted. But Shide blames himself and thinks it's because his show of love was weakened and slowed down that it caused Shuyi to retreat and walk away easily. Because he wasn't fighting anymore for their love, he lost Shuyi's attention. Again this suggests how fickle he believes Shuyi's feelings are and how still in his head he believes he's the one with the long-lasting love/feelings.

Shide's personality is someone who likes to be in control (like Shuyi but for different ways and reasons); he's kind of had to always be; ever since his dad died, he's had to try and make it his goal to become stronger and better to take care of his mum, and to ensure they live well. This is connected to the theme of Duty and Obligation in the show. Even in Season 1, the reason he has to leave for America for a bit is to ensure his mum settles in nicely. Even after that, he's again the one responsible for ensuring whoever was sick in America was taken care of. It's because of his need to be responsible and be in control that Shuyi always feels distanced from him (mocked, misunderstood, and hurt). Shide is someone who likes to keep a calm demeanour. He likes to take things on by himself; he likes to not show when he's hurting or alone (apart from that one time as a kid where he broke down on Shuyi). In fact, it might be because Shuyi is the only one who did see him in his vulnerable state and gave him an aim to become stronger that made him cling on to his love for him and devote himself to his love for him. But in looking so in control of his emotions, Shuyi always saw Shide as someone who loved winning and making him feel like a fool. In season 1, he thought Shide did it on purpose to see him lose control and be a mess, and in season 2, he's resorted back to that thinking. Let's look at why?

No 1 for You (Shide’s pov) vs Fighting Mr 2nd (Shuyi’s pov)

Shuyi did not also understand the proper depth of Shide's feelings. I guess we should have seen it coming that he didn't fully understand how deep they were, he had heard ideas from Shide's mother, he had heard grand declarations from Shide (after he was the one to pry it out of him), but he didn't actually trust it fully. I think because he didn't fully trust both their sexualities and identities when it came to their feelings. Like I said, we should have seen it coming when he admits he doesn't want to fall for a guy, but also it's because it's Shide he's okay with being in love. However, people complained about this because in BL, we're tired of the I love you, not boys trajectory always chosen. However, it was more than that. I think because of what's embedded in people's minds at a young age (due to society), there might have also been, as a result of that, hints of internalised homophobia (IH) with Shuyi. And that's why it made sense for him to wither and assume that Shide truly would be with someone else and be married and have kids. Because of IH, Shuyi may have automatically thought it made sense that Shide would move on, get married and have kids in America (hence as he said in episode 1, he was disqualified by choice) because, in his head, he didn't understand Shide's love and devotion for him.

It also points to insecurity and fear that he might not be enough/the better option for Shide. One of his pet peeves was that he was always coming second to Shide, he was always being seen by himself as second best, and he probably also thought he had become the second-best option to Shide living a great 'fulfilled' life according to 'society' where he is married to a wife and has kids. This is why in the special episode, he also gives up easily and wishes him the best refusing to actually question why Shide would do this to him after all the stupid and grand promises he made a year ago before he left. Promises of marriage, promises of devotion, of being his family etc. Of course, this felt like Shuyi was thoroughly mocked and lowered because he had lost again to Shide by letting his heart trust him and wait for him. Now, in season 2, he's determined to not do that too. To not lose control of his heart ever again. To not fail to Shide in any way, shape or form ever again.

Shuyi; The Guise of Control

Shide is always acting on the surface like he's in control, causing Shuyi to always think he's more vulnerable and a fool, and it makes season 2 make more sense. Even if Shide says, he'll make Shuyi look at him again, how on earth is he meant to ever let that happen? He literally manipulated the situation in season 1 and got Shuyi's walls down only for him just to cheat on him, so how can Shuyi trust just his actions on the surface?

No matter how devoted Shide is looking, even at the end finally showing a hint of losing control under Shuyi's hold which Shuyi was not expecting because he thought Shide will always want to again be 'proper'. And in the past, it was Shuyi who always pushed for skinship once they started dating; Shide always again acted like he hadn't been affected; this was discussed actually in that final episode. Even if on the surface Shide looked affected, Shuyi wouldn't trust that. Because Shide is always holding back whilst Shuyi always feels like a fool, never being able to control himself around him, never being able to control his emotions or have a poker face around him. From the first episode in season 1, Shuyi has always been uncontrollable when it came to Shide, whilst Shide always came out looking cool.

Shuyi always ended up in the most vulnerable shameful state (forgetfully hurting himself in reaction to Shide's presence, being the one distracted and bothered by skinship in the last episode whilst Shide studied, or even being exposed and screaming down a bridge, his love for Shide to make Shide come out and say how he feels). Shuyi always ended up being weakened and frustrated because Shide seemed like he had everything in order. Shuyi is now adamant he's lying or that Shuyi is still the one who's more in love with him (his biggest fear). For example, the slap he gives to Shide (exposed his lack of control of emotions around Shide) and yet Shide immediately tried to control the situation, making Shuyi again look like the irrational one and the most affected one. Also, as mentioned it Shuyi (in Shuyi's head), who proceeded to force/get Shide to confess. Because Shide was too focused on controlling his environment, avoiding the situation, holding back his feelings, whilst Shuyi's emotions always get the best of him and caused him to still lose in front of Shide. Basically letting Shide get his way all the time. And by doing that, it was Shuyi who ended up waiting for a year and then being 'cheated' on, being ghosted with his heart shattered.

The Fear of Weakness and Vulnerability

Other examples are Shide going to Shuyi's house and ignoring him in his own home (again, Shuyi can't even control his environment when it comes to Shide, everything he owns feels little because Shide seems to have a hold over him in everything), and proceeding to make him the fried rice. Even as the vice president who's meant to be in control and be in charge of letting go of people (which his father is pressuring him to do, he has no choice in the matter), Shide is the CEO (a higher position) of the company and is adamant on convincing Shuyi to do no such thing. It's a big fear to Shuyi, which is why he's determined to ensure he does fire these people because if he doesn't, It means he's again coinciding underneath Shide's hold over him, over everything he has, including his heart.

The act of making fried rice in Shuyi's house as if nothing is going on, Shide ignoring his tantrums and outbursts does again what Shuyi hates, makes him feel stupid, weak and vulnerable. It makes him feel like he's losing again to Shide. This is why I think he really has no other option in his mind to win but to use emotions and feelings (what he can't control) as a weapon to capture Shide. By making Shide fall for him emotionally and then being the one to break his heart, that's how Shuyi thinks he'll finally be able to break down Shide's calm, façade that he's always in control, that's how he stops being Mr Second. Obviously, it's a stupid idea because Shuyi literally becomes weakened just by being in Shide's presence. To be anywhere intimate with him, he will only resort to his own emotions being, even more, harder to handle even if he tries to play it off as just attraction.

And for both of them, control is even harder physically with emotions because they've been 'starved' of each other's presence for 5 years, of each other's touch and connection. As shown in episode 1 of FMS, they're both in a state of pining, longing and waiting for one of them to give in. For 5 years, Shuyi was secretly fighting against the truth that he had been waiting for Shide to return even when he tried to focus all his energy and heart into hate and bitterness (to distract him from the pain of waiting). Shuyi never wanted to give up on hope, never wanted to let go of Shide, because it's out of his control to forget or move on. He couldn't do that even if he tried. This is why he also tries again to use a power play with a fake girlfriend that he couldn't remember the name for. Every single sentence he said was how he compared himself to the girl he thought Shide cheated on him with. He was saying it to hurt Shide, but in the end, he was still exposing his own hurt and insecurity about why he thought Shide left him.

Shide; Control Vs Sacrifice

Meanwhile, the audience all know that, on the other hand, Shide is the one who has no control over the matter. No matter what he seems like on the surface/ in front of Shuyi, Shide is completely tired, weak and frustrated once he sees Shuyi again. It's frustrating because the only time he shows his emotions is once Shuyi isn't looking; he cries only after Shuyi has left, always holding his feelings and only letting it out when he's by himself. Although to Shuyi, it seems he's in control, being the CEO, being the one who disappeared for 5 years, being the one who is successful and influential, Shuyi couldn't be more opposite in his thoughts. Shide has no control over the CEO position; it's not a job he chose for himself, it's not what he wanted to do, he did it because of again his responsibility to his mother and family. Shide isn't the one who chose to disappear for 5 years in America; he again had no control over the situation because someone else was ill, and he had to be the one to help his family again become stable. And lastly, Shide isn't successful and as influential as he's sold his company to Shuyi's father, so he actually isn't in control of his position, of his life essentially. What Shuyi sees as control is unfortunate because it's actually Shide's sacrifice; he's had to lose what he actually wants to be in that position. All he's ever wanted is Shuyi. Ironic no?

Even in Season 1, when he seemed to be the one controlling the situation, he wasn't; he always did everything to get Shuyi, and for 8 years him being 'in control/winner' as Shuyi puts it wasn't him winning because he always didn't get Shuyi's heart before he confessed. And that's what's so heartbreaking about Shuyi's misunderstanding of Shide; when he first sees Shide in the past in his memories, he doesn't know the moment Shide fell for him; he just sees Shide winning over him, he doesn't even notice the first person who had control over the other was him, because he already took Shide's heart, trust and devotion. This is why Shide told him he was the lucky one; he was the one who was winning, who was always in control. Not Shide.

Love and It’s Hold and Power

And again, although Shide is the one he thinks he's second-best to. Shuyi has a lot of power over everyone else since he was young. He's been a spoilt, rich boy who's had control over his friends (in a positive way like they felt they had to watch him and babysit him), he's had control due to his father's power, and he's had control now over Shide just due to again his father's job and his heritage. And I think that's why he can't stand the fact that no matter what he does when he's with Shide, he loses all of that power; he's reduced to wanting to do something for someone, like in season 1, washing the dishes, being humble, exposing his feelings to Shide so loudly and vulnerably. Shide is the only person who makes him want to do all that, and he hates it. It's why when the employees in episode 1 call him again Shide's girlfriend (even though literally Shide bending down to tie his laces is an act of losing control and him being in control of him), it bothers him because it makes him look weak. He's the one flustered by the actions; his heart is shaken by the movement. What he sees about Shide vs what's genuinely being shown/exposed is so opposite, so of course, they're more prone to misunderstandings because they've always both seen the situation very differently.

So WBL has always been using this theme of Control vs Power with Shide and Shuyi. And how, because of love, both of them feel this lack of control over each other. Mostly from season 1, when Shide gets closer to Shuyi using the idea of rivalry to see who can win over each other, even though he gives in always to Shuyi on purpose. Shuyi's misunderstanding has always been an issue since episode 1, since even when Shide kissed him in the pool. This time around in season 2, we get to deal with the actual seriousness/reciprocation of what that misunderstanding and fear of lack of control can do to them. And how others can manipulate that (Shuyi's father probably). Either way, these twos relationship has become angst central because Shuyi really is fighting Mr second, he's determined this time not to lose to Shide no matter what and he's finally using like the last way he can possibly gain control over Shide. His body. The most vulnerable part of a person is exposed when they sleep with someone else; by getting Shide to even want to give in to him as he requested, he can expose everything about Shide, his weakness, his heart, his truths. Hence, it makes sense the relationship is using attraction and chemistry as a powerful tool for the storyline. Shuyi isn't going to be able to even go through with anything because he's just as vulnerable and weak with Shide as Shide is with him.

I love angst, and I love power plays and fight for control in rivals to lovers stories. I love misunderstandings and requited, but they don't know the trope. I just really enjoy WBL, and I'm so excited to see what happens next. Looks like Shide is finally going to lose that façade he has on the surface once he breaks down under the influence of alcohol; probably, poor boy has been suffering so much. And I think both of them will soon need to gain control over their situation together so they can defeat the obstacles that come in the form of Shuyi's father, society, company issues etc. So yeh, I'm loving this, and it's such a breath of fresh air. Friday is too far away, sigh.

#we best love #wbl #wbl: fighting mr. 2nd #we best love: fighting mr. 2nd #fighting mr.2nd #bl series #bl drama #cwg #march #gao shi de #zhou shu yi

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kamaria-sweet-writes · 3 years

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Laiken (A Mer-May prompt) part 2

**Laiken**

True to his word Barnabus woke me before the guests started to arrive. While the nap was restful, I could’ve gone for a few more hours easily. “Come on, Sparrow, you need to get ready.” Ugh, I don’t want to be paraded around right now. “There’s a dress and some shoes in your closet that I bought you to wear for tonight. I’ll see you when you come downstairs.” I acknowledged him with a grunt and I rubbed at my eyes willing the tiredness away.

After a few more minutes of procrastinating I finally got out of bed and padded over to the closet to see what dress waited for me. It was in one of those garment bags but it was easy enough to get out of it. Plaid? That was my first thought after seeing the fabric but it wasn’t some normal plaid. I’d never seen these colors used in plaids back home.

I finished pulling the dress out of the bag and laid it on my bed to get a good look at it. Beautiful. I started seeing colors I hadn’t before. Thin lines of teal and charcoal worked through the whole garment. I pet the fabric before going back to retrieve the shoes.

Just a simple black wedge to match with the deep colors in the dress. The laid back nature of the shoes and dress told me the dinner was going to be lax, that I didn’t have much to worry about in the way of impressing people.

*knock knock*

2 sharp raps pulled me out of my thoughts. “Guests are starting to arrive, Muffin.” She huffed “You almost ready?” I didn’t respond choosing to instead get my body into the shower. It was either this or deal with my mothers 20 minute lecture on timeliness. I wasn’t in the mood for the latter.

10 minutes later I walked out of the shower feeling awake and ready to deal with whatever was going to be thrown at me. It might’ve also been because I spent the whole 10 minutes muttering to myself about how I was worth it and I needed to show the world how amazing I am. Another of Dr. Z’s tools to get me through anything and I’m ridiculously thankful for it now. Back when I learned it though, not so much.

I slid on my panties and latched my bra before turning around to grab the dress. Catching sight of myself in the mirror I cringed a bit before standing tall in remembrance of everything I’ve been through. My body isn’t tight nor unblemished. It’s littered with scars and stretch marks that tell a story all on their own.

Tearing my attention from the mirror I settled back into the task at hand. ‘Let’s get dressed and meet all the people that came to see you, Laik. They’re your family, no need to be afraid.’ I gave myself a bit of a silent pep talk before padding over to the bed where the dress still lay. Again, I found new details about the plaid that made it seem even more unique, more beautiful.

The dress fit like a dream accentuating my shape by highlighting my best assets and downplaying what I deemed my problem areas. Before, I’d never buy something like this for myself out of fear that I wouldn’t do it justice. But, looking at myself in this moment I’d love to have ten dresses just like it.

Still high on the feelings of giddiness I made my way out of the room and down the stairs. Chit chat could be heard as I approached what I was sure would be the kitchen but stopped the moment I walked through the door.

All eyes were on me and my heart was pounding behind my ribs. They’re staring. Why are they staring? Do I have something on my face? Did I put the dress on wrong? Do I look like someone’s stay puffed marshmallow girl?

All of those thoughts melted away when I heard his voice. “Forget what I just said. I accept.” His voice was like soft suede. It slid against my skin and wrapped around me making me want to sigh in contentment.

I searched the room for the source of that voice and was rewarded with the sight of a ridiculously gorgeous man standing next to Barnabus. I studied him starting at his boots up to his mismatched eyes that seemed to be boring into my own. I found myself unable to look away as he stood there all vast and commanding like that.

“Whatcha lookin’ at, Muffin?” I jumped, not ready for her to sneak up on me like that. She chuckled before grasping my hand and guiding me toward a group of women that she favored “I see you’ve noticed Taine.” She whispered as we approached the group of waiting women “He’s a catch and a good man if you’re wanting to know.” I didn’t miss the lilt in her voice as she spoke to me.

We came to a stop in front of the women we’d aimed for. I stood there awkwardly twisting the fabric of my dress in my hands. No one spoke for a moment until my mother introduced me. “This is my Laiken.” Her pride surged through her words. “Laiken, these are your aunts: Dina, Dedra and Darcy. They’ve been waiting on pins and needles for the chance to know you.”

I looked at their faces noticing how much they all looked alike. I could pick out bits and pieces of my face in theirs and that just made my heart soar. I don’t look like my father so drawing the similarities between us usually stopped at our brown eyes and cocoa colored skin. Seeing these women though told me what I could expect as I got older and I must say, the future is looking bright if this is any clue as to what I’d look like.

My phone buzzed in my pocket drawing my attention. Pulling it out I noticed the photo flashing across the screen. A bear. I forgot to call him and now I’m about to hear about how I worried him to death. I let it go to voicemail with a reminder to call him after dinner but no sooner did the vibrations stop did it start again. I guess I have to deal with this now.

“Hi Daddy, sorry I didn’t call you earlier.” The sharp intake of breath on the other end of the line told me all I needed to know. I quickly excused myself and made my way onto the deck to take the call in a more private place. Here we go.

**Taine**

There are for more pressing issues at hand but for some reason Barnabus requested me to be at his daughters homecoming. I finished up my work on the boats before heading home to get dressed for the shindig. All I know about her is that she’s his little sparrow, he’d do anything for her and apparently she could likely be the first Chieftess our clan has ever had.

Big shoes to fill after someone like Barnabus. I don’t envy her. Being the first anything is wrought with hardship and without the others knowing her she will face her own fair share of persecution.

Just a meet and greet right? So not much thought needed to go into this outfit. I went with a nice fitted grey t-shirt and some jeans considering it sounded pretty lax to begin with. Showered, groomed and dressed I made my way over to the cottage letting myself in like I always do.

The environment was a little tense as Danae waited at the base of the stairs staring up them like she was waiting for someone to ascend them. “Everything ok?” She smiled nodding her head at the same time before turning her gaze back up the stairway. I made my way over to Barnabus leaving his mate alone to do whatever she was doing.

“She’s waiting for, Sparrow.” Barnabus spoke “Guests are here and she hasn’t made an appearance yet, makes Danae nervous.” His gaze shifted from me to his mate “Come now, Love. Sparrow will make her way down momentarily. No need to wait there and scare her.” She huffed before leaving her perch and making her way to waiting guests.

It seemed like most of the people in attendance were actual family members leaving me befuddled as to why I was invited at all. “Barnabus, why am I here? This is a family affair.” He huffed out a breath but didn’t answer me “Come on.” He stroked his chin before his soulful eyes found mine. He’s about to ask me to do something. Shit.

“Laiken is a strong, beautiful woman that needs a man to compliment that.” Are you fucking kidding me? “I trust you above anyone else to be that man for her. I want you to court my daughter.”

His smile punctuated the conversation like it was just some small thing. Courting leads to dating and dating leads to mating. Mating is for life. This isn’t a small thing, it’s huge and I don’t want the responsibility. “No” my word came out just the way I wanted to. Strong and steadfast leaving no room for error or miscommunication “I’m not interested. Try Denton or Merrick, they’re good men.” His face fell but I couldn’t let that sway me.

He didn’t bring it up again. Instead we spoke of plans to fortify our borders and put more thought into how to go about monitoring the other selkies that found work here. It wasn’t unlawful for them to do so but it was discouraged outside of the ferries shuttling people back and forth from the mainland.

The room grew quiet and I soon understood why. In the doorway stood the most beautiful woman I’d ever laid eyes on. “My sparrow” Barnabus whispered affectionately.

This was his Sparrow? There’s no way I would pass her on to anyone else. “Forget what I just said, Barnabus. I accept.” If the clap on my back was any indication of his feelings I’d say I just made the Chieftain a very happy Selkie. “We will hammer out the details soon.” With that I went about looking over the woman that would soon be mine.

I watched her eyes traverse my body slowly from bottom to top before her eyes locked with mine. Gone was the breath in my lungs as a smile tore across her features lighting her whole face up. Yeah, that’s all mine. Laying claim right here, right now before any of the other males even get a chance to.

She jumped when Danae whispered in her ear making the cutest squeak at the same time. I stood there waiting for more of her attention but she was whisked away to start mingling with the people that came here to see her. I kept a strict eye on her movements as she flitted person to person.

Turning my back but for a moment I’d lost her. One second she was talking to the Leery sisters and the next it seemed like she disappeared. “She’s outside on the phone.” Barnabus soothed my already frazzled nerves easily “Give her some time before heading that way. You know, I felt the same way when I met her mother. Fate is crazy like that hmmm?” He moved away from me leaving me with my thoughts. Yeah, fate was crazy alright but for now I’m following her headfirst when it comes to Laiken.

#exophilia creators #mermay2021 #selkie boyfriend #my writing #dont steal my shit #part2

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whentheynameyoujoy · 4 years

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The Problem with Rey, or Where I Fail to Ignore the Bad Trilogy Yet Again

So, in a grand tradition of ignoring my New Year’s resolutions the second after making them, I hereby give up on trying to be less of a sourpuss this year and am going to once more plunge into the pit of negativity that’s the sequel trilogy. Namely, I’m going to put my two cents in that scene in TROS.

Or rather I’m going to try and sus out why it raised no eyebrows with me as I was watching it in the theatre, beyond the obligatory “Oh, callbacks! Cameos! That’s nice. Fuck off.”

After all, it absolutely should have. It’s an ostensible backslide in what passes for character development in these movies, a reversal in the texture of the hero’s journey, of the ST’s sketchy hint of the characters changing from broken immature children into self-actualized adults. And let’s not forget about the horrendous messaging that sees Rey forever entombed in the role of a pure virgin maiden, a replacement golden child that’s vindicated in her tendency to define herself through relations to others instead of becoming her own person.

Christ, the thing is literally golden.

And then it clicked why none of this raised any alarm bells with me.

I just fundamentally don’t take canon Rey seriously as a fictional character.

Mind you, this goes well beyond my inability to play with TROS on its own terms and stop riffing it (though it is a problem) or to view it from the Watsonian perspective instead of constantly remembering that the only reason the movie even exists is not to tell a story with any narrative integrity and artistic honesty, but to make a bazillion dollars and thus it can do without my emotional investment (though that’s also true).

My chief issue is that Rey as a character barely exists.

Now, what I mean by that is that Rey doesn’t conform to the definition of a fictional character as a purposeful construct, a set of distinctive traits making up a defined psychology that informs one’s behaviour and allows one to dictate the plot as its active agent, thus driving the story forward.

What’s confusing about this is that at the start of TFA, Rey had by far the strongest characterization out of anyone, original characters and new (although this stops being true pretty much the moment you notice it).

When we first meet Rey, she’s busy living what can only be described as the Star Wars equivalent of a Dickensian existence—a parentless teenager forced to fight for survival, figuratively and literally, and earn her own living from a very young age. What her life lacks in support and stability, it makes up for in hard labour, hunger, and a crushing sense of cultivated loneliness. There are no meaningful relationships—friendly, familial, or romantic ones—and no prospects, only a desire to escape, or to be more precise to be taken away under a set of specific circumstances. And of course there’s the nagging fear that this might actually be it for her.

This will never stop being ingenious.

What’s most interesting about Rey at this point, though, is her contradictions. As we later learn, she has lashed her sense of identity to the idea of being a temporarily abandoned child, and thus she’s forced herself to live a life of perpetual childhood, waiting for her parents to come back and pluck her from Jakku instead of moving on and carving out her own existence. In a very real sense, although her life has many outward marks of adulthood, she refuses to grow up, going as far as styling herself after her former childhood self and naively asserting her belief that of course putting her life on hold and spending it stuck and waiting is eventually going to be rewarded.

At the same time, though, there are already some cracks in the childish façade that allow us to see the real person beneath—someone with a strong sense of right vs. wrong, to the point where she’s willing to put herself in danger and accept hardships on behalf of others. But her willingness to engage in conflict without a second thought can also be read as underlying anger issues stemming from her sense of abandonment, and a sign that a certain jaded bitterness may have already set in, as evidenced by her unwillingness to deal with BB-8, a non-familial entity, as a friend after saving him.

All of this creates a character who’s barely holding it together, someone bursting out of the childlike costume they’ve constructed for themselves, their mask about to disintegrate and reveal a deeply broken person underneath; a little girl who’s too busy looking into the past instead of living in the present, who doesn’t see herself as an agent in her own story but as someone who’s given meaning by others.

In other words, Rey’s challenge at the beginning of ST is to confront the truths and issues she doesn’t want to face, destroy her shell, and emerge into adulthood as a fully-realized woman.

I hope you enjoyed this bit of psychology as much as I did back in 2015 because it’s the last one she’s going to get.

The moment the movie dies.

From the second Rey meets Finn, she leaves TFA as an agent who shapes the story by her own psychology and development, and spends the rest of the runtime as a passive object that’s dragged along by the plot while having no effect on it, instead being jostled around by the actions of others. Up until the final fight, Rey:

runs away from an enemy she never engaged, who means nothing to her and she nothing to them;

is ambushed by a guy and his pet fuzzball, neither of whom she’s ever met;

is forced into defensive action by a bunch of gangsters who, yet again, have nothing to do with her or her journey;

accidentally releases a convenient plot device she didn’t intend to release. This doesn’t amount to anything;

is introduced to a map she didn’t search for, leading to a person she doesn’t know, has no connection to, and no reason to be interested in;

ends up on a planet she didn’t know about and had no plan to visit;

has her inner conflict verbalized to her by discount Yoda;

has her lights punched out and is bridal carried by the galaxy’s most try-hard Bad Boy Who Ever Baddied for unintentionally viewing the central McGuffin of a storyline that has nothing to do with her or her character conflict;

gets interrogated by an admittedly gorgeous mop of hair which triggers her Force powers, somehow. She never reflects on this;

gets saved by the screenwriter by using a Force power she had no reason to suspect existed.

Only then does she wake up from her slumber to:

fight Kylo Ren in order to protect the unconscious Finn, a type of action she’s performed twice already in regards to BB-8 and thus is nothing new for her;

and finally, having failed to reflect on being Force sensitive or express an ounce of political opinion, join the Resistance for some reason and decide to take on the responsibility of finding Luke Skywalker, a person who still means nothing to her on any level.

Simply put, Rey spends the majority of the movie treading water and then being catapulted into a position the screenwriters want her in, without first sending her on a journey which would bring her to the Resistance and Luke as a natural result of her own choices and actions, not of a series of plot contrivances.

This is further made worse by the fact that Rey’s psychology from the start of TFA when she was still in that wonderful character study test tube? Yeah, it stops existing. Or rather it stops dictating her actions and behaviour. Gone is her unwillingness to permanently entangle herself in the affairs of others and only doing so after a reluctant flare-up of empathy. Now she’s a good sport who’s just happy to be included, guys! There’s also this slight problem where her background leaves no marks on her. She has no interpersonal problems, no trust issues, no bitterness, no jadedness, no sense of abandonment, she isn’t clingy or stand-offish like most people with her experiences would. There’s only the face of childlike joy as she simply goes along for the ride because the movie needs to happen.

And these checks J.J. signed in TFA? They get cashed in TLJ where Rian Johnson is asked to wave his arms and work with a character who’s in a situation she has no internal reason to be in. As a result, instead of having a solid, meaty foundation to examine why Rey has immediately latched onto the Resistance and Jedi after spending so long defining herself through her parents and having no personal or ideological reason to be interested in either, we’re just asked to nod along and pretend that Rey being so deeply invested in any of this makes sense and isn’t worrying in the slightest. And then comes the end where any notion of moral complexity is flushed down the toilet as Rey pulls a Kylo and instead of incorporating what she’s learned into a new worldview and altering her journey, she digs in her heels and returns to the Resistance as, sigh, the last Jedi while, yet again, never examining her attachment to either. The found family trope is awesome, guys, let’s not question it.

So I must admit to not really understanding where this outrage about Rey being locked in permanent childhood by the end of TROS is coming from. She’s never stopped being a child. The sequel trilogy has always preferred to view her as a pure ray of sunshine (pun very vomit-inducingly intended) and an embodiment of good that’s free of internal conflict; a figurative representation of a child who’s spent the movies in a state of arrested development (a few unmotivated moments in TLJ being a notable exception), cycling through different parental figures until she’s finally gotten it right and can now restart her childhood, new and improved.

You may call it yucky but I don’t see how it’s surprising.

#tfa #tlj #tros #anti tros #tros negativity #rey #star wars #sequel trilogy #meta #tros spoilers

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okase · 5 years

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DnD Character Questions: Zephrine

B/c my friend’s gone and done these and they looked fun. Original questions is here

1) What is their full name, and does it have any special relevance? Alternatively, what nicknames do they have?

Zephrine Auclair is her full name, as far as she’s concerned. Her actual full name is unknown to her though she’s aware at least that Auclair isn’t the surname she was born with. Adopted and all that.

As for nicknames, Zeph is a shorthand she’s okay with, and her stage persona when she was a performer was very creatively named Zephyra. 2) What hobby would they like to be good at?

Cooking, or sewing. Probably sewing a little more than cooking, since she’s at least somewhat passable at cooking. Also, gardening. She loves plants and flowers but doesn’t quite have the green thumb that her mother does. 3) If they played dnd what race and class would they pick?

A gnome Beastmaster ranger or Circle of the Shepherd druid. She’d want to be something completely different from what she is or can turn into in real life. Also, she’s always wanted healing abilities and loves animals(most of them) so she would want either one really close animal companion or as many animal friends as she could possibly make. She would also inevitably get really distraught when something happened to said animal friends. 4) If they could go back in time and change one thing, what would they change?

She would have left the circus to travel with Therila sooner. Even though it’s not really her fault, Zeph still feels an incredible amount of guilt for getting her girlfriend into the situation she’s in. She feels if she’d followed her heart and been less indecisive, she could have saved Therila a lot of hardship.

That said, Zeph has grown very attached to her new friends she’s met, so that would make changing things hard. There’s several things she wants to help them with and the idea of not being able to help wouldn’t sit well with her. Zeph would feel like she was abandoning her new friends for Therila.

She’d still change things, if she could, because she would want to spare Therila what she’s been through, but it would be with a heavy heart. If she could find a way to have it both ways, she’d do it in an instant. 5) What is their favourite weapon to wield?

Her magique. She has a dagger and a quarterstaff, but neither of those has really felt “right” for her, nor have they been particularly useful. Her magic, though, is not only incredibly useful and versatile, but more importantly it’s a part of her. Not only, that, it’s a part of her that she loves. Zeph gets frustrated at her inability to tap into it, or control it, but she’s never felt negatively towards her magic itself. Because when she gets it right, she feels powerful, incredible, even celestial. It feels right, and it feels good.

6) If you could behove them one magical item, what would you give them?

Robes of Self Confidence! Ring of Decisiveness. Underwear of Stop Doubting Yourself and Be More Assertive.

Or, idk. Boosting her charisma further would be nice, I guess??? I don’t know enough about dnd magical items. Also some of the stuff she has is already pretty sweet so I can’t complain. (She has a cloak that can let her turn into a raven for an hour! It’s baller.) 7) If they didn’t have to adventure, would they stop?

No. She’s gotten a taste for blood now. Nothing can stop her.

Jk, but still no because she’s kind of found her calling in it. She gets to help people, and wants to continue doing so until she finds a better way to help people that maybe involves less murder and nearly dying all the time. 8) What do they look for in a platonic or romantic partner?

Passion, and compassion. A strong moral compass and the courage to not only adhere to it, but stand up for it as well. A sense of humor and some self-confidence doesn’t hurt, either.

Also, it’s not a thing she consciously looks for, but one thing that all of her previous partners have in common is that they are/were all very assertive people. Make of that what you will lmao 9) Do they trust easily? Yes and no. When she was younger, I would say yes without a doubt, but she’s put her trust in the wrong people more than a few times throughout the years and I think that’s made her wiser than she lets on.

I think the best way to describe it is that, if she hasn’t been given reason not to, she’s willing to give people a chance and will put herself out there even knowing it could end badly. She’s been hurt enough times to believe it’s a risk, but she believes in people as a whole enough to also believe it’s a risk worth taking. She’ll believe in you until you give her reason not to.

10) What is their favourite colour?

Blues and greens tend to be her favorite, so I’ll go halfway and say blue-green. Robin’s egg blue.

She also likes bright yellow. Just, not on her. 11) Diplomatic or aggressive?

I’m gonna say diplomatic, but I think it would be more accurate to say she was manipulative than truly compromising like diplomacy tends to imply. She’s aggressive about her morals, but I don’t think I’d call her aggressive overall, and she’s definitely not the punchy sort. She definitely prefers non-violent solutions to problems and disagreements. Unless you’re an utter monster but I’m not sure that counts. 12) They get arrested, and thrown in jail, how do they escape?

Probably most likely to talk herself out of jail. If she’d been put in there unjustly, she’d try and prove it. If she was there justly, she’d try and suggest alternate ways she could serve whatever sentence she’s been given, or if her sentence was pretty minimal and none of her friends were in danger, she’d just serve it.

If talking didn’t work, she’d try and get a guard close enough to incapacitate them, which she would do via hold person or fire + hot metal prison bars. Get the keys, go from there. Or if there was a window, she’d see if there was a way to climb out that way. 13) Would they leave their party for any reason?

Currently and for the short-term future, she would only leave if they would no longer have her. She’s rather attached on a personal level, and beyond that, they’ve done a lot for her and she feels it’s only right to do a lot for them in return.

The only way other than that would be for them to do something really morally reprehensible, but I can’t really see them doing something bad enough for her to just up and leave. 14) If they could own any creature as a pet, what would they have?

A GRIFFIN. Or she would, if they didn’t eat horses at best and people at worst.

More realistically, she’d probably like to have some sort of fat lil’ songbird, provided she didn’t have to keep it in a cage. If not a bird, a rabbit or a guinea pig would also do.

15) How have you influenced your characters personality?

Unfortunately my stupidity and inability to tell a coherent story for the life of me has been inflicted upon Zephrine. She can be kinda ditzy lol

Also my temper, a bit. But also my desire to do good and my love of the arts and also pretty things!

Oh, but also my anxiety. I’m SORRY Zephrine lmao 16) Do they have any tattoos? If so what? If not, do you think they would get one in the future?

Nope, and no. She appreciates them on other people, but they're not really for her.

The Tiamat mark on her arm doesn’t count. 17) Where would they like to be in ten years time?

Alive, surrounded by friends and making the world a better place. She’s found love and managed to keep it. Therila is safe and happy, her friends are safe and happy. Her mother isn’t alone when Zeph isn’t there, and is content. Zeph travels a lot, be it with her partner, her friends, or both, righting the wrongs of the world, changing things for the better and helping others along the way. They travel, but they always have a home they can return to when they need to catch their breath. Ideally in the more literal, physical sense- in which case there needs to be flowers, and lots of them- but the metaphorical sense works, too. She’s found her calling, her purpose in life and she’s able to guide others to theirs, as well. The world has less suffering in it than it did before and it feels like she’s able to make a difference.

Zephrine knows that’s probably not realistic, and she knows that life never really goes the way you want or plan, but she’s certainly going to try and make things reality where she can. She’s gonna at least make an effort.

18) What do they look like? Either description or picture.

She looks like if a dragon and a disney princess had a baby together.

And if I’m feeling more descriptive, I’d say she’s got shiny brass scales and the rounded brass dragon crest to match, big orangey-brown eyes with some yellow towards the pupils. She’s got a ‘3’ mouth, kinda like a python. It’s very cute.

Body-wise, she’s built like a ballerina, with legs for days and a lean musculature. She’s got slightly broad shoulders, kinda narrow hips, and a tail that she has to lift slightly at the end so it doesn’t drag on the floor. The end of it kinda looks like a giant leaf. She also has small, useless dragon wings that are either cute or creepy depending on who you ask.

Clothes-wise and just in general, she’s very meticulous about hygiene and just as meticulous about her appearance. She doesn’t have the excessive ruffles and lace and gemstones of someone upper class, but everything she wears tends to be colorful and chosen very carefully. She tends to be a fan of bishop/peasant sleeves and either A-line dresses or long, flowy tunics. She’s also big on putting in little details, like a fancy belt buckle or some really nice boots. She’s very fashion-conscientious but not completely impractical.

19) What genre of music would they be into?

Zeph appreciates all types of music and that would be no different if she had access to our stuff. From rap to metal to bluegrass, she’ll pick bits of anything, but her favorites would likely be dance mixes of upbeat pop songs, or something with synthpop. Or funk/r&b??? Something she can either dance to or something indulgently sad she can listen to while languidly lounging and being dramatic and morose. Depends on her mood. 20) What would be the worst thing someone could say to them?

“I hear dragons hoard things like gems and weapons and armor. I think your hoard might be failed relationships and promises you can’t keep!”

Basically anything along the lines of: You really should stop trying; You don’t know what you’re doing; You’re just a hindrance; You’re not actually helping people; Why are you trying to help others when you can’t even sort out your own problems, etc.

Imply or outright state that she just causes trouble for other people, especially if it’s something she can’t refute. Poke her right in the insecurity.

#dnd #dragonborn #sorcerer #brass dragonborn #caerllon #zeph #zephrine #writing #long post

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hiyo-silver · 5 years

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Behind Blindfolds

Nobody expected the world to end the way it does until it starts. It was always thought to happen all in one go but instead it drags on for years of feigning really living when all they’re doing is surviving. In this situation maybe, surviving is really losing.

Summary: another new person joins the losers- survivors- and he may or may not have been a really bad person to let into their space.

Chapter 1 2 3 4 + ao3

Taglist: @fuckboykaspbrak @thesquidliesthuman @rachi0964 @beepbeep-losers@bigbilliamdenbro @jalenrose11 @sleepygaybrough@itandstrangerthingsfanfic@boopboopbichie @peachywyatt @aizeninlefox@sockwantstodie @ahoybyeler@yooonbum @coffeekaspbrak @sedanleystanley

The drive home goes mostly uneventfully, thank goodness. The homecoming with the groceries is exciting for them all. It’s the first time they’ve been truly successful at what their goal was. It gives them a sense of hope that they can be strong despite the hardships. They can’t be brought down, laughing and talking as they put the groceries away into the kitchen.

After they finish, Beverly finds her way back to the living room, spotting the notebook that was Ben’s. It brings a pang to her heart, she hadn’t known him well but it still hurts when she remembers the scream they’d heard from outside the door. It hurts even more to realize how numb they already have become to the pain that loss brings. Ben seemed nice, and she wonders how intrusive it would be to read bits and pieces of his story. She hopes it wouldn’t be too awful, because she already finds herself picking it up to read through. The first page is dated, it’s from months and months ago. It brings a small smile to her lips, it’s almost like Ben had predicted the apocalypse. It’s very good actually, his words string together like song lyrics or prose. It’s nice to read, although his ideas could have used so much more development, and she wished he was still here to finish them off, or even explain them out loud to her.

She doesn’t even feel Bill sit next to her on the couch, “I used t-to write, lost motivation to a-after a while,” he says, looking over her shoulder, reading a few of the scribbled words at the top of the page, “Thriller w-was never my genre, usually h-horror,” he admits, before this he never really talked about his writing to anyone, he found it embarrassing and thought of it as something to be ashamed of, that since he likes to write about fearful things that people would see he himself as creepy or weird. But y’know, there’s no reason to keep it private anymore. With what he’s seen, he’s not even sure he’ll be around for much longer. He can only hope, and he doesn’t know what he really hopes for. Life is the human instinct to want to hold on, but does he really want to stick around to see how far this will go?

“Did you ever write something about everyone in the world dying?” she asks with a little smirk, trying to make light of it the way Richie does. They are all learning from each other and picking up on each other’s traits, it’s inevitable with their close proximity. The more jokes the better, and it’s even better if they don’t pick up on all of Stan’s grumpiness, because he doesn’t seem anywhere near lightening up, they wish he would but they can’t force him to. He’ll come to terms with everything on his own time.

“I can’t say so, m-mostly just the n-normal amount of death,” he says with his own chuckle to her. At least they can keep the conversation light, they jive well. It’s important, if they were getting into fights it would probably be the most counterproductive thing they could do. Facing death tends to bring people together, all fighting for a common goal instead of each other, at a point personal inhibitions and views don’t seem so important on an individual basis. They’re distracted from the conversation when there’s a rustling in a box on the kitchen island. The birds.

Beverly suddenly remembers her little secret passengers, getting up quickly to check on them, opening the top slowly and peering in at the scared creatures. She wishes she could comfort them, but she knows next to nothing on birds and grabbing them to try and give them a chance at life had been fully on impulse, but now she feels worse. They’re in her full responsibility and if something happens to them it’s her fault. Maybe that’s why she’s so scared to be a mother and why she had been so close to having an abortion but then didn’t. It’s just like the birds. Wanting not to take away any of their chances, but not wanting to actually have to follow through with all the care. Maybe caring for the birds can almost be like practice motherhood in some simple way.

She sees the three of them cowered into the corner of the cardboard box, she feels bad for them. She’s never been a big fan of birds, they’re finicky and unpredictable which is a reason most people aren’t a fan of them, but now she realizes how much bigger and more powerful she is than them and most of that anxiety evaporates. She opens it fully to expose them to the light. “Hey, Stanley, anything you can tell me about the kind of birds these are? What do they need to eat?” she asks, she hopes that he is as interested in birds as he seems by his decor. She wants to see him replace that scowl with at least a little smile for once. She knows the joy pets can bring people, she hopes he’s one of those people.

“Parakeets. I don’t think we have proper bird food but let’s see,” he says, trying not to get too worked up over the fact that she’s kidnapped live animals into his home. At least they’re not something too wild like a squirrel or coyote. Birds are beautiful, and they’re gentle if you’re gentle with them. He likes that about them, they’re an easy animal to admire from afar, he’s not ever owned one. He doesn’t like to trap them. Birds are different than humans, if they’re out in the open they can fly. They can’t fly as well in a building, you can be an amazing bird owner. But a golden cage is still a form of cage.

He learns to be less peeved though as they work on setting them up a place to be, Beverly even thinks she sees the ghost of a smile on his face for the first real time since she’s met him. Night falls and they’re almost even some sort of content. Life feels normal, they’re creating their own sort of normal and it’s almost beautiful.

Kay and Bev are cuddled up in the guest bedroom, they’ve come to find endless comfort in the other’s touch. It’s a pure kind of friendship, one Beverly has never has had before. Kay isn’t so sure she’s had this before either. It feels safe. It feels better than it had ever felt with her ex husband. It feels like some sort of intimacy and closeness she’s never experienced. It almost feels like feelings.

“Beverly, if something happens to me, I want you to be my daughter’s mom,” Kay whispers to a half asleep Beverly, who is at least awake enough to nod and agree, letting the information sink in. She leans her forehead against Bev’s with a soothed sigh, and the two of them both fall into a light sleep void of any dreams or nightmares.

There’s a knock on the door like when Kay had come originally, the first one to flinch awake is her. She pulls gently away from Beverly, sitting up and rolling off the bed, waddling her way to the front door with her hand on her stomach. “Hello? Who are you?” she asks, tapping back onto the door to let the other person know she’s there. Soon she’s joined by Bill also woken by the pounding. It feels better to not be alone with whoever the stranger is.

“I need help, they’re trying to kill me, please!” a man’s voice yells, continuing to pound so desperately that Bill is sure he could definitely break the door down or at least punch a hole in it. He’d rather listen and help the have them exposed to the danger of a broken door, not after they’ve come as far as they have.

“I’m g-going to open the door,” he says in a calm voice, cracking it only slightly. Stan is awoken now by the noise, he has the same gun on his shoulder that Mike had been ready with when it came to Kay’s arrival. He looks livid, his eyes burning with the anger, it’s almost like the normal hazel has been replaced by pure fire.

Bill cracks it open and a lanky man with dark hair tumbles in through the door and falls to the floor. Bill slams the door behind him. The man wails and squirms on the floor. If anyone in the house had still been asleep they aren’t possibly anymore, just too exhausted and out of it to make their way to the foyer.

“Put your hands in the air and state your name and where you’ve come from right now or risk being shot on the spot,” Stan says in a voice loud and clear, it’s not a bluff. He may seem cold, but by now he’s here to protect himself and his new friends, he’s got enough friends, he doesn’t need any newbies. Newbies means change and change is dangerous, it always has been.

The man collects himself up to his feet. “I’m Patrick, I was hiding but a group of men found us and opened our eyes to see that thing, I was the only one to get away,” he says, choking and hiccuping on a sob at the thought of what he’s gone through. He’s loud and dramatic, Stan doesn’t like that. The man’s eyes are red and irritated, his pupils enlarged as he takes in his new location.

Stan shoots a warning shot but it only hits the wood floor as the man dodges the aim. Stan grumbles out a sigh and drops the gun, putting the safety back on, “You’re on thin fucking ice, Pat,” he says, it’s almost a trigger for him. His wife died only recently, and she’d been a dark haired woman named Pat, and now here’s a threatening dark haired man named Pat sitting on the floor of his home.

“Stan, put that thing down!” Bill scolds, grabbing the gun from him as soon as the safety is on it and it’s safe. “Be nice, y-you know how hard this is f-for everyone,” he grumbles himself. “If you have a pr-problem with it you can take the garage.

And that’s how it end up. Stan ends up staying in the garage of his own home due to his massive distrust of the new guy, the rest of them all returning to bed and Patrick to the couch in the living room, laying there in the dark fully clothed with his shoes on before he starts rifling through the backpack he travelled with, a sketchbook coming out in his hands with a devious smile on his face. In due time.

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cipherr · 6 years

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TRIPLE THREAT also this is a lot but hopefully that’s fine ;3 Razhie: 6, 16, 40, 92; Sievve: 1, 23, 78, 86; Haveni: 9, 32, 44, 94 ! ♡

HOLY SHIT YOU DON’T MESS AROUND ok buckle the fuck up (again) :’D (also thank you so much i love how i can count on you to INDULGE

under the cut :’DD

Razhie’s first!

6. What do they like to wear?oooh man ok so, she definitely has different preferences depending on the situation (also She's Hot And She Knows It so that is used to her advantage a lot) so for basic infiltration she has her current outfit, which is that black body suit with the thin armor plating and knee-high boots. it allows for a lot of mobility with a very decent amount of protection, all while making her look like an Imperial that you don’t want to mess with (plus The Booty is A+) :’D and if she needs to look more commanding and intimidating, she’s happy to bust out that old high-collared chestplate with the long black cape, it’s definitely more conspicuous than her infiltration getup but more effective if she’s not doing a lot of actual spywork. in her downtime, she wears anything that’s snug and comfortable, and likely all black. black and gold is definitely Her Thing so that is her go-to if she’s, say, attending some lavish party for less-than-legitimate reasons :’D

16. What are they like when they’ve gotten too little sleep?THIS IS UNFORTUNATELY HER REALITY TOO MUCH OF THE TIME LMAO she becomes incredibly one-track-minded, because all of her mental capacity is focused on the task at hand. she’s not personable when she’s like this...like, at all...so trying to talk to her is like trying to talk to a wall. the best thing to do is just stay out of her way and let her accomplish her mission, because she won’t stop until she does. her patience is greatly reduced, and this is when she’s most likely to just shoot anyone that might be making things difficult, rather than try to be diplomatic about things.

40. Do they have any scars?HELL YEAH look you don’t live this long as a non-Force-using alien working for the Empire without getting banged up pretty bad :’) she’s been shot, stabbed, zapped by Sith lightning, operated on, tortured, shipwrecked, mauled by various alien fauna, buried alive, thrown from very high places on multiple occasions...it’s a wonder she has all her limbs intact. she doesn’t really have any extremely notable scars (yet...i can think of something that will be happening in her future tho lmao) rather her body is just kind of littered with various remnants of past battles. fortunately she’s been able to be patched up pretty quickly and efficiently, so none of them are particularly prominent, and you’d have to look pretty closely to even see them. but that, of course, can (and will) change :’D

92. What mood are they most often in?100% done :’D she’s Tired, had enough of everyone’s shit (in the Empire and otherwise) and generally just has no fucks left to give. it’s not that she’s bad-natured or anything, in fact she’s managed to get a dry sense of humor from the whole ordeal. she just doesn’t have time for anyone’s bullshit and she’s not afraid to make that known. she’s been through hell and back again, and betrayed more times than she’d care to count. all things considered...her attitude’s not bad LMAO

now for Sievve :D

1. What do they smell like?THIS IS A VERY INTERESTING QUESTION and i like it. Sievve is a very introspective person, and takes the meditation aspect of her daily routine very seriously. i’d imagine she keeps special oils, maybe that remind her of home or of Tython, that she uses when meditating in her chambers. it’s part of how she can stay so calm in all the chaos :’) her scents would probably remind you of the forests where she trained as a padawan, or maybe a dusty library (just filled with datacrons instead of books)all in all, i’d imagine she smells VERY NICE for a Jedi who’s so on-the-go with her saving-the-galaxy business, and all that :’D

23. Do they collect anything?since Jedi are ‘discouraged’ from keeping personal items and all, she doesn’t really collect much of anything, though i absolutely could see her keeping a stone from each planet she visits and lining her chambers with them. rather, she journals extensively, and uses a lot of her free time to catalog everything she learns about....well, everything :’) planets, species, cultures, histories, EVERYTHING. she values knowledge and learning and she’d spend entire days with the ancient noetikons that housed the old Masters and absorb everything they could possibly give her, if she could. all she wants out of her legacy is to pass on everything she’s learned to future generations. she firmly believes that a lot of conflict arises from lack of knowledge or understanding between peoples, so she hopes that through her life’s work she can prevent further conflicts from happening in the future, long after she’s gone. i love her ;w; so yeah, she collects knowledge, basically, and saves it all for future generations :3

78. How do they act when they’re particularly happy?awwww she’s just so damn good natured almost all the time while also being a reserved person, it’s almost kinda hard to imagine what she’d be like when she’s particularly happy :’D i just picture her as just....glowing, basically (not literally lmao) like her presence just radiates peace and calm and i think if she’s especially happy, it’s even more so, to the point where it’d probably be impossible to not be happy when you’re around her. SHE’S JUST SO GOOD -clutches chest-

86. Do they like sweet foods?yes, but she has the self-control to let sweets remain a delicacy :’D i think she’d prefer foods that are more aromatic, probably.

and lastlyyyyy, Haveni! c:

9. Describe the way that they sleep.HMM VERY INTERESTING QUESTION. she’s definitely a quiet sleeper, and probably doesn’t move around much, if at all. she’s also a light sleeper, and any movement or sound could wake her up, alert. she’s a very on-her-toes type of person :’D

32. Pet peeves?dishonesty, absolutely. as a Jedi, she’s pretty damn good at being able to tell when someone’s lying to her, and she’d much rather they just cut that shit out from the start, because it never gets anyone anywhere. also this is probably a bit big for just a ‘pet peeve’ but threatening anyone under her care/on her team/anyone innocent at all is probably the best way to get under her skin AS I KNOW YOU HAVE SEEN LMAO

44. Why might someone love them?hmmm i’m not sure if this question is meant to be like, ‘why would a character from this universe love them’ or ‘why would an actual irl person love this character’ SO since the first one is kinda hard to answer (she’s romancing Doc atm but i’m not invested in that romance or anything, i’m basically just doing it bc it’s there lmAO) i’m gonna go with the second? idk :’Dand this is also just HARD TO ANSWER because as of yet she’s still pretty undeveloped, and i can really only speak for myself....idk. i think she’s just very intriguing? like i’ve always been into the notion of ‘grey’ Jedi (but not in the edgelord kind of way lmao) and Haveni is my best avenue of exploring that. like i have all sorts of problems with the Jedi philosophy and code, and while the Sith aren’t any better--they’re just two extremes--i think a middle ground would be the best way to be, and if i were a Force-sensitive in this universe, that’s probably how i would conduct myself :’D because like, for every insufferable Sith, there’s probably another insufferable Jedi, just for different reasons. but of course, for Haveni, there’s really no place for someone like her in this era... she’s probably gonna end up leaving (or getting kicked out of) the Jedi Order, and i can’t exactly see her becoming a true Sith either. so basically: i love her because i love watching characters walking that thin morality line, especially in a world that has two philosophies that are so cut-and-dry and at war with one another, where doing what SHE FEELS is The Right Thing doesn’t always line up with how she was raised. Haveni and Sievve are like... my two absolute favorite ways to explore Jedi characters, so i basically just have a lot of fun with them :’3but also, at a more personal level: Haveni is well-intentioned, extremely protective, noble-hearted, and wants above all else to do the right thing...she’s just conflicted on how to get there, because her instincts often clash with her training. she will valiantly throw herself in harm’s way to protect the innocent without a moment of hesitation, and justice is one of her main motivations. i know i have my biases, but there are a lot of Things I Love that can be found in Haveni :’D (SORRY THIS ONE PARTICULAR ANSWER ENDED UP SO LONG LMAO i just rambled on and on but that word-vomit was actually very satisfying so yeah)

94. Outlook on life?actually, fairly positive! her situation may look pretty grim--and she has a LOT of hardships ahead of her, and she knows this--but she also has a lot of confidence in her strength and abilities. she’s an incredibly skilled fighter, and the whole thing with Scourge and the “i have waited three hundred years to see the face that came to me in a vision--your face” bit...she believes in destiny, and she knows that whatever her destiny has in store for her, she’s definitely not ordinary, and she has the best fighting chance at survival out of anyone she knows. she’s got that self-confident-and-just-sliiiiightly-cocky attitude, and she wants to be the hero...that’s really all i’ve got for her so far, so we’ll see how all of this goes down :’D it’s gonna be a trip, i’m sure.

PHEW THAT TOOK A WHILE but i had so much fun, thanks so much for asking, i could literally do this all day long :’DD YOU’RE THE BEST

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letsgettalkingshallwe · 5 years

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Let's Get Talking Shall We?

This one goes out to...Well I'm not too sure actually.

This is one that kind of spurred me to make this space. See there is talk all around all the time about minimum wage increases and really there seems to be a lot of controversy around it. Now I haven't done a lot of research into whether it's a certain generation or those of certain economic status or what, and to be perfectly honest I have better things to do with my life than conduct those kinds of surveys, but there are a LOT of people in my experience who are really just jerks about it.

These are the ones saying people just don't work hard and should work to get better than minimum wage jobs. The ones who say that minimum wage is fine where it is because it's not supposed to be lived off of. The ones who use the word 'survive' when they claim it's good enough. "you can SURVIVE off it just fine."

Surely you've seen them. The ones who say they did fine off minimum wage they just cut things out of their lives for a while. The ones who say the people struggling to make ends meet are just lazy or not ambitious. Maybe you are one, I don't know.

I'm not here to argue whether minimum wage should increase or not, no my problem stems deeper than that.

My problem is the culture that we've built around "survivable" and "liveable". My problem is the cruelty and guilt that those struggling to get by have to face everyday. The idea that though we are facing hard times, we aren't suffering enough.

Yes, there are starving people in Africa and India. Yes, there are people who are homeless. Sure, we can get by without certain things, but does that really mean things are okay? Does that mean we should keep the people who are already being kicked into the dirt down simply because "they are able to survive"? Have we really gone so damn backwards where we are measuring our well being by whether or not we survived the day?

Here's the reality. We live in a world where families in North America have multiple people working full time for minimum wage and still barely able to get bills. Rent, food, utilities, internet, phones, vehicle maintenance.

"Well you don't NEED internet!" The jerks will say. Those in school have homework requiring internet, trying to find better work requires internet, and not every place has a public library with free computer usage, and those that do, well it's not unlimited.

"Well you don't NEED a cell phone!" The jerks will say. The world is arguably more dangerous than ever, people need to get in touch, and frankly payphones aren't a thing anymore and it's a damn shame, not to mention, current work needs to get a hold of you and to find better work, they too need to get a hold of you.

"Well you don't NEED a car!" The jerks will say. Buses are terribly inconvenient for major errands or getting anywhere quickly, and in an emergency? Forget it. Not to mention they aren't actually an option everywhere you go. And if you have a car, you need the maintenances (gas, insurance, etc).

But here's where it hurts, and believe me when I say I'm not attacking, I'm just making it known

"Well you have nice things, and extravagances too. You have tv, computers, phones, even pets!" They will say. To those of you that do this, do you realize what you are saying? Do you know how it sounds to us? "How dare you have nice things! How dare you not sell everything and live as a monk!"

We are then left feeling ashamed. Guilty when you don't even know-dont care to know-how we got those extravagances. Hand me downs, sales, gifts from friends or family, things we acquired before it all fell apart on us and still have, and you would deny us these? Ask us to give them up? Because having a three year old computer for school, or a cellphone that was out of date when we got it so we can walk around the city without fear of being kidnapped is a status symbol to you? Because we can survive without it?

And the pets. We know they're expensive. Free healthcare doesn't extend to our fur-babies, and even healthy they are costly. But when they get hurt, damn are we feeling that one. Three broken toes on a baby Pomeranian cost 3 grand, and that was over five years ago. Cat being grabbed by a large dog and needing a handful of stitches and antibiotics runs about 300. And being a responsible pet owner and getting the pet fixed is damn pricey in some circles. We feel those hits, and just like you wouldn't leave your toddler with a broken hand or foot or a gash in their side, we won't either. Those who would are the ones who shouldn't have a pet Often we've gotten the pet when things are good. Accidents happen though, and never at a convenient time. Thing with a pet is they become family. You get several good years with them when you're lucky, and several years is a lot of time for things to go bad. And you still have to take care of them. They are your children, and by telling us that having a pet means we can't be struggling because we are being wasteful with money taking care of a pet is essentially telling us to get rid of our children if times are hard.

And you see what I've been doing? I've been defending having these things, these luxuries because that is how we are made to feel. We are made to feel like it's a bad thing to have nice things, indulgent things that make us happy when we say that the minimum wage isn't enough to live off of. Yes, you can survive off it, but note the difference. Living and surviving are interchangeably used, but the way I see it it's not the same. Surviving is getting by on next to nothing. Surviving is getting through the day. Surviving is a struggle-no-a chore! If all we do is work all the time and then eat and sleep then what the hell is the point? If that's all life is then dammit all, we're all better off just doing ourselves in right now. Living on the other hand is having some enjoyment, finding something to make you happy. Having a little time to relax and smile and laugh without constantly having to worry. Doing the necessary jobs but being able to come home and feel safe. That's what we want when we ask for living wage. We want to feel safe, because frankly, a lot of us don't.

We know there are people out there worse off than us. We know that we could get rid of everything we own and have a little more, but then, if it's just a survivable wage we working for and we can't have any enjoyment without being demonized for it, what's the point?

I know this one is long and preechy but I've been seeing a lot of stuff where people criticize those who have anything and I'm forever feeling guilty for the limited freedoms my family's financial status makes hard and scared of losing even those.

So I guess at the end, this one goes out to those who have been lucky enough to be in positions to pull yourselves out of hard times, and those of you even luckier to never have experienced them first hand. And the question is...why would you deny those in hardship the few spots of happiness they've managed to find and tell them they aren't suffering enough? What constitutes 'enough suffering' to you?

Appreciating the Real Talk

Thanks

#asking the real questions #looking for the real answers #appreciating the real talk #questions we can't ask #well i'm asking now #speaking frankly #letsgettalkingshallwe #real questions #real talk #safe space

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