#they should have known they were writing a bi icon and they should have been prepared for this | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

normal-thoughts-official · 3 years

Note

Umm what are your thoughts on Magnus thinking Raphael doesn't need him anymore

Y̴̖̳̏͐̓͝͝͝O̴͉͔̪͙͎͌̋̊̽̚Ü̴̦ ̵̡̧͍̙͎̤̓͜F̵̺̹̼̫̳̻̖̓̈́̎Ơ̵͈̟̘̼̲O̴̤̻̭̻̟̺̖͗̆͌͒͆͊͂L̴̨͚̝̟̙̥͆̏. you absolute idiot. my thoughts on magnus thinking raphael doesn't need him anymore??????????????? C̶̨̛̖̘̜̟̪̱͗̈́̓̑̋͛́̽͛̃̑̈́Ą̵̢̣͕̥͚̩͔̗̤͙̺͝ͅN̷̢̜͇̪͖̫͓̦̟̰͎͈̫͔̹͌̓̏̐̔̊̽͝ͅ'̵̩͇͐̅͌͋̕T̵̡̡̼̰̼̯͇̝̗̼̫̝̺̝͖͑̀̒͛̈͘͜ͅ ̷̧̘̬͕̯̘͇̹̳͔̑̓͜Y̷̨̥̙̻̣̯̦̓̏̏̂̒͐̕Ơ̸̭͔̤̤̮̙͇͙͇͙̩͐̌̂̈́̐̇̌̌̕̚͝U̴̢̡͙͕̖̥̗̔̿̒̓̉̓͌ͅ ̶̺͚̯͙̘̦̻͚͒͒̍͗̌̚͜͠S̶̢͆̉́̋̈́́Ȩ̵̪͚̹͉͉͉̼̱͖̏ͅĘ̶̛̞̣͚̲̳̻̪̤̲͎̳̠̻̎̊̽̀̉̑͝ ̴̧̛̫͖͍̺͙͓͈̹͕͛͊͊̓͋̄͑͗̉͆͠͝T̵̡͍̱͍̙͈̞͍̪̭͌̄͂̎͑͂Ḩ̴̧̫̪͖̫̞̞̀̔̾̿̃͗̋͐̌͊̀̕̚È̴̢̨͓̞̠̲̱̠͉̾̀ ̴̢͇͈̣͙̝̭͔̰͔̫̦̈́̀͘Ṁ̶̡͓̖̭̩̱̗̗̘̯̖̹͖̳̭̙̺͋͐̈Ḭ̷̢̧̢͔̙̪̣̞̣͙̘̑͌̈́̐̾̅̆́̆̑̃͋͒͒̎͠Ş̵̱̘̰͓̫̦̺͚̙̹͚̗͎̭̠͆̀̏͐͋͗̈́T̷̢̡̡̛̪̝̟̻̠̼̦̦̰̦̗͓̣͌̌̐̋͊̐̔͛̕Ą̵͔͉̜̪̦͓̗̤͇͖̘͓̱̰̜̈͒̍̊͂ͅK̵̛͈̜̱͉̜̖͈̈́́̒̀̐͒́̂̔͆̾̏̂͂̕̕E̸̡͓̣̪̮͉̮̻̹̰̒́̾̋ ̴̡̮̝̝͇̫̮̭̞̦̘̙̥̥̗͒̿͝ͅY̷̡̨͙̝̰̗̗̫͛́̕͜͠͝Ō̵̬Ų̶̡̖̗͙̞̲̺͖̣͉̜̿́͒͆́̏̚͠ͅ'̵̮̭̗̙̘̰͍̥̣̪̩̖̦͂̀̋̆̓̉́̅͜R̸̼̤͙̞͚̼̤͆͛͌̄̈́̑͘Ê̸̡̢̩̳̤͙̳̘̲̞̦̳̻̩̔̐̄͐̑̒̿̒̽̈́̌͒̏̚ ̷̛̮̂̈̽̄̇̆̍̄͂̋̒͛͝͝͝M̶̧̢̛͙̮̣͎̮͍̝̪͔͎̘͔̐̊͐̄̃́̄̄͋̆̕͜͝A̵̿͊̌��̧̮̙͖͓̭̯̘̪̆̄̈́̾̅́͆͋́̾̓͝K̸̘̩̯̼̣͍̠̝͈̤̮̝̻̬̿̈́Ǐ̶̀͛̀̆͘̕��͖̹͈̫͙͊̿͝Ṋ̸̨̨̗̰͖̳̝͉͑̏̀̀́̂͗͌̽̈G̸̢̰̟̜͎̪̬̞̲͔̘͍̋̆. not only is this one of my favorite angsts ever, nay! you just posted self promo bait!!! i have a whole ass fic about it (link). and you know what the worst part is???? im gonna make a huge ass answer to your question anyway!!!! do you understand how naive you were now??? do you have any idea what you have unleashed?????

ok ok ok ok ok ok ok ok. so i think the saddest part about this is magnus' assumption that like... if he isn't useful, he isn't desirable. which we know is 100% how magnus rolls (therapy-needing icon) and would particularly ring true in raphael's case because like... magnus took raphael in when raphael was at his lowest. their relationship was started off by the fact that raphael needed him. and that makes it even harder for magnus to shake that feeling off

like, don't misquote me, it's not raphael's fault and that is not how he sees magnus at all. and i don't think magnus singlehandedly saved raphael or whatever; raphael had to build his own network of ppl and resources to get over his addiction and get back on his feet and build himself back together, as anyone does. no one can carry a burden as big as singlehandedly taking care of any one person, nevermind one in the state rapha was in. but the fact remains: raphael and magnus met when raphael was at his lowest, and they built their relationship because magnus helped him

and magnus knows raphael's got this whole repentance thing going on, he knows that raphael feels like a monster and a burden and like his debt to magnus is unmeasurable. and that makes him second-guess everything about their relationship, imo, because like... raphael probably feels like he has to keep magnus company, he has to do as he says or whatever, because he has a debt

and to some extent it's nice that magnus is like... aware of that imbalance, which is inherent to that situation, but then i think it becomes pretty much... being convinced that raphael doesn't like him and only puts up with him because he has to since he owes magnus

and when magnus "adopted" rapha, magnus was at a particular fragile point. i'm pretty sure rapha was the first person magnus ever let into his life, fully, enough to really know him and his insecurities and his true self, after camille. his other friends - catarina, dot, ragnor, elias - all knew him from before. and we know how after camille magnus locked his heart; yes, he was referring to romantic relationships, but when you are constantly afraid of falling in love with someone in case they will abuse you, you can't fully build platonic relationships either, because there is that wall that is there, a certain level of intimacy that you won't allow yourself

and with that i don't mean that romantic relationships are inherently more intimate or deeper than platonic ones! i mean that to build any sort of intimate relationship, romantic or platonic, you need to be able to allow yourself to be vulnerable, and magnus was obviously not allowing himself that, because he was scared of being vulnerable after it was used so viciously against him the last time he opened up his heart

but magnus is still too caring of a person to leave someone in a state as bad as raphael's - no sire, battling addiction, alone in the streets, probably no knowledge of the shadow world (this is probably where i should add my mandatory disclaimer that i'm not following book canon and i don't care how it went there, i'm talking about the show), no clan, no family, basically no one - alone, so of course he's gonna bring him in for a night and feed him and try to find a way to help him

but then you add to that two facts: 1- magnus is hopelessly affection and touch-starved and desperately needs company; 2- there is not many places raphael can actually go to

so of course magnus lets raphael stay. and it's for his own sake as much as it is for his, because again, magnus is starved, and he is at a point of his recovery where he needs to let people in, even if it's slowly and in a relatively safe situation - like, what can raphael do to hurt him? okay, there's a few things, but still. it's just easier to let yourself be vulnerable when the person you're allowing to see it is someone you've seen equally as or even more vulnerable. especially if they have no connections to people you know, as it is in rapha's case

PLUS, he empathises. i've said it before and i'll say it again, raphael and magnus have so much in common. from background (immigrants, brown, downworlders, one is bi the other is ace which are two groups known for their ties and solidarity with each other, trans if you go by my headcanons which i will because this is my blog and i do what i want) to coping mechanisms (both clearly deal with their problems on their own and try to avoid letting other people help them as much as they can, even if in very different ways - magnus creates a persona so he can be surrounded by people and not let them in too close whereas raphael doesn't let them get close from the get-go), to some of their personal psychological issues (this unbearable responsibility they carry on their shoulders, like everything and everyone is dependant on them and it is on them personally to help everyone they find: see raphael and how involved he got with simon and the way he talked about the other vampires/the clan even before he became clan leader, and magnus and Literally Everyone That Came Into His Path; the feelings of monstrosity they both feel due to their downworlder status and their past; the guilt; the self sacrificial/giving til it hurts tendencies; etc), to a few personality traits (similar sense of humor, both natural leaders, both pretty bold in their own ways; they also have many differences in personality but they are quite compatible/similar in other ways as well).... i could go on. i'm not saying they are Literally The Same Character (that'd be bad writing anyway, and there are notable differences such as raphael being way more recluse than magnus, their different moral codes, etc.) but there is a lot in common, which results in a nice dynamic in which:

they have fun with each other (think "because you're totally unbiased"; that was clearly a tease, neither of them were really upset by it, raphael looked at magnus expectantly like he expected magnus to laugh and magnus just glared at him in a clearly playful way)

they care for each other deeply (think every interaction we got between them or that included them talking about each other to a third person lmao i think this one is undeniable)

they trust each other incredibly (think raphael being tortured and going to magnus before he went to his own clan, then staying at his house, he obviously feels comfortable and safe there more than anywhere else including his own supposed home; and i wish we had gotten to see more of raphael taking care of magnus as well but of course the writers always forgot magnus had friends and family beyond shadowhunters lmao, but still, i think it's undeniable that the trust goes both ways because of the sheer difference in the way magnus treated raphael as opposed to other people who came for his help, including downworlders like simon)

they are openly affectionate with each other in a way they aren't with most people (think them hugging or the way magnus casually touched raphael's face like it was perfectly normal. that is like, the only s3 raphael scene i claim lmao)

hmmm where was i going with this. man i should really get checked for ADHD or whatever

RIGHT they built a nice relationship. which magnus craved!!! he really really needed someone he could be affectionate with, someone he could trust, someone he had fun with! and again, it's not that he didn't have that, but it was the first time he was building a relationship like this again from scratch after camille. plus, i'm sure camille pushed him away from his friends because that's what abusers do, and i'm sure magnus also pushed them away to some extent because again, being vulnerable was hard. but with raphael there was no escaping it. like, he was living at magnus' house

and he needed that! and i think raphael and their relationship had such an important catalyst role in magnus' recovery from camille. not that raphael saved him - again, that's not even possible - but the way their relationship was constructed was essential for magnus to start opening up again. without it i really doubt it would have been possible for him to open up to alec, and i think their relationship and history is extremely overlooked and underrated by the fandom

but like... the fact that he was in such a vulnerable emotional state to begin with, plus the fact that their relationship was kickstarted by the fact that raphael needed him, will obviously lead to him thinking that raphael only puts up with him or whatever because he needs him/feels indebted (because magnus knows at this point that raphael is not the kind to use people, but he also knows that raphael already acts like his mere presence in the world is something he has to make up for it's the catholicism so of course he's gonna feel like he needs to make up for magnus for such a huge gesture. anyone who's not an asshole would, but like, particularly raphael). cue magnus like, probably feeling guilty for getting so attached to raphael because he's an idiot

and like of course raphael feels indebted and grateful but he also does genuinely in fact like magnus (for all the reasons listed above) and also like, he did in fact also need more connections, he had just lost all of his previous ones. but most importantly he does care for magnus and loves him immensely even beyond all that magnus did for him. and he does see magnus as a person and knows about his struggles and vulnerabilities because it's impossible not to when you live/have lived together, and he just... cares and empathises

but also raphael obviously thinks he's a burden to magnus because duh, and i don't think magnus ever really told raphael how much taking raphael in helped him, how much it meant to him and his recovery, how he was doing it for himself as much as he was doing it for rapha, because 1- he's scared of being so open and vulnerable; 2- he's scared of making raphael feel even more guilty; 3- he's stupid and i think part of him assumed it went without saying

like he was always so openly affectionate with raphael (maybe even too much in his eyes, maybe he was scared of being too attached, putting too much on his shoulders, it's not this traumatized kid's job to deal with his issues for fuck's sake) and magnus has always worn his heart in his sleeve and he feels everything so deeply i think he sometimes forgets that it's not actually plain for everyone to see and feel. particularly not non-warlocks, since it's kinda implied that warlocks have some level of sensitivity to each other going on. plus raphael is autistic af so he can't tell what magnus is feeling if magnus doesn't fucking say it, and he has a terminally low self esteem that i assume would be even lower by that point (due to, you know... the general shitshow state his life was in), so of course he doesn't assume he's as important to magnus as magnus is to him, particularly not when he is literally burdening him (in raphael's eyes). so he thinks it's obvious but it's Really Not

so we have like a lot of misunderstanding angst with both of them wanting to get closer but thinking they are imposing on the other and pulling away, and both of them taking the other pulling away as a sign that they aren't comfortable and aaaa

so like i think that rapha would mention moving out so he can get out of magnus' hair, and magnus is all crestfallen because he's so not ready to be alone at home again, but he can't be selfish and hold the kid back just because he has shit he needs to deal with, right? it's not fair

and then like lowkey spiralling afraid that after that he's going to be alone again and raphael won't want to see him anymore, or worse, that he'll force himself to out of pity or guilt, and magnus will just be a chore to him

and raphael feeling like magnus wants to get rid of him and will want him out of his hair and aaaaaaaaaaa

and magnus of course is all put together and excited about it, "yes, my boy, don't worry, i'll help you move" and playfully tilting his head and being all excited and getting into chop-chop mode because as long as he can make himself useful he can avoid thinking about how he's gonna be alone again. and rapha of course taking this as magnus being eager for him to leave

and just doijasiodjasoij they're IDIOTS. i think this would be more or less resolved by raphael because at the very least he has to thank magnus for everything he's done and tell magnus that he means so much to him, that he'll always be thankful. and magnus again is all put together, all "it was nothing, my boy" but rapha pulls him into a hug and suddenly they are Not Letting Each Other Go. like it's tight and maybe they're both shaking a little because Badly Repressed Emotions and they're just. so unwilling to let each other go for what they feel like will be forever because they are sad and dramatic. and raphael even wonders for a second if he's like, super strengthing magnus into the hug by accident, but even when he tries to let go magnus doesn't even notice and is still hugging him tight, so he's like. okay. guess i can stay for a little longer then. and keeps hugging him

and lol i have half a mind to be like "and then raphael ends up staying because neither of them actually wants raphael to leave so what's the point" and actually i think i might be going this route for this particular hc. but of course eventually raphael does leave because you know... kids grow up and all daihdsaioj and i think that they still have some things to resolve, particularly from magnus' side? i think raphael is more in touch with him than the other way around, even if mostly we've seen him coming to magnus for help, but like... that trust is there, you know, and we didn't see a lot of the opposite

i know s3 raphael was fake anyway but like i imagine him finding out that magnus lost his magic and he had no idea or that he lost his home and being like "why didn't you ask for my help?? our help??" because you know all his other friends would have wanted to help him out too, and magnus is just. he doesn't want to be a burden. he feels like if he is, he's going to lose anyone. he needs to be there for them

and it's so much bullshit of course and raphael is pissed - not at magnus, he couldn't be mad at him, but just pissed in general. and he draws magnus in for a hug and tells him that he can always come to raphael, whenever he needs, and raphael will drop everything to help him. the clan is doing okay (especially post-valentine and impending doom and all, you know, they can take care of themselves lmao. like look of course raphael is a very involved leader but you get what i mean, they won't die if he goes help magnus with something) and he has second-in-commands he trusts anyway. and he doesn't want magnus to hide his problems for him and not come for his help and aaa

just.... rapha being like "you think i wouldn't do anything i could for you? anything to make sure you're alright?" and magnus being like "you don't have to" and raphael going, "you didn't have to do it for me either. but you did" "you don't owe me anything" "i do, but this is not about that. magnus, you're my family" and magnus tearing up because it is so immense to him to be someone's family, something he almost can't grasp

and magnus slowly learning that no, raphael doesn't need him, but that's not important because he wants magnus in his life anyway. and they can always rely on each other, no matter what, even if they aren't dependant on each other - and that is a good thing :)

#shadowhunters #sh #raphael santiago #magnus bane #brotp: i'll do whatever it takes to protect them #ask #anonymous #meta #raphael santiago meta #magnus bane meta #q #anti cc #anti tsc #anti tmi #long post

22 notes · View notes

firstofficer-williamyiker · 3 years

Text

Ok, ok, ok, ok. I am way too focus on this but I really really wanted to list out every Star Trek ship (from TNG, DS9, and VOY cause those are the ones I have seen most of) I could think of and give my opinion on it. Why? Because I don’t wanna do my math test. Lets go down the spiral of hyperfixation and little impulse control. (FYI, this became a long ass post, so read through if you want or don’t lol)

Let’s start from the beginning.

The Next Generation: (aka gays that all share one smart brain cell)

Picard x Crusher: Honestly, I like their chemistry, and if it became canon I would be alright with that. No real strong feelings on this ship.

Picard x Q: The epitome of enemies to lovers slow burn in 300k words. The sexual tension is too much to handle, I absolutely adore these two. They probably fucked once and Picard regrets it immeasurably.

Picard x Riker: Nah, not for me. But you do you dudes.

Riker x Troi: Again, I quite like these two together. Two Bi Icons getting together, I’m here for it.

Riker x Worf: Eh, Worf isn’t really a fav of mine so that makes me bias against this ship. It cool tho.

Riker x Crusher: *war flashbacks to when Crusher had sex with a Trill worm that was inside currently inside Riker’s body* Haha, fuck no.

Troi x Crusher: Two queens getting together and tearing down the patriarchy, I stan.

Troi x Tasha: I tend to block out season one of TNG from my mind, but honestly, I like the vibe.

Data x Geordi: My OTP for this show. It should have happened. Rick Berman is a coward. They are just so sweet and they understand each other like no one else. A few of their scenes in this show made me cry. I ship

Data x Tasha: Nah, I don’t vibe. Would have been better as mlm and wlw solidarity.

Worf x Troi: They had a few cute scenes together in the later seasons, I don’t hate neither super enjoy.

Deep Space Nine: (aka no straights in space)

Sisko x Kasidy: I liked them better in the early seasons. I think the writers low-key forgot about Kasidy until she was convenient plot device.

Kira x Odo: I preferred it in the first few seasons where Odo had a little crush on Kira and it was kinda adorable. But after their relationship had become canon in the later seasons I was kinda disappointed.

Kira x Jadzia: I am here for this ship, two powerful women ready to take on the world together but also have their own insecurities that come up as the situation arises. Immaculate, I want it.

Dukat x Kira: Fuck no, they are enemies. Idk why the DS9 writers thought it would be a great idea to pair THESE two together. But thank god for Nana Visitor for being such a queen.

Odo x Quark: Again, another amazing enemies to lovers ship. I love seeing those two on screen together, their chemistry is just *chef’s kiss*.

Miles x Keiko: Miles is like, the token heterosexual on this show. He loves his wife, his kids, and his job.

Bashir x Garak: Fuck yeah, OTP of this show for me gang. It was so heavily implied and it would have been so cool to see, especially in the 90s. But oh well, at least we got the actors writing and performing fanfiction for us.

Bashir x Jadzia: Yeah no, I wouldn’t ship them romantically. And the writers definetly did not favors to Bashir when they make his crush on her a bit creepy in the early seasons. But would be a BROTP for me.

Bashir x Ezri: Hnng, I don’t like. It just feels like Bashir is trying to date the Jadzia he never had and I don’t like it.

Jadzia x Worf: It’s fine, I guess. I don’t really see the chemistry.

Ezri x Jake: I mean, it’s better than Ezri x Bashir, but like, Dax has known Jake over 3 lifetimes and watched him grow up soooo, nah.

Jake x Ziyal: I am a fan. I think these two would have been really cool together especially since they are both artistic people with Jake’s writing and Ziyal’s painting. They could have done some really cool stuff together. Plus, it would make some interesting family reunion moments between Dukat and Sisko hehe.

Jake x Nog: Again, I am a fan. Tol and smol dynamics are what I am here for.

Garak x Ziyal: No

Voyager: (aka gays lost in space)

Janeway x Chakotay: The of the few straight ships I would die for. I am quite disappointed that nothing ever formed between the two because it would have been really cute and oh my god the tension the writers made between the two. I feel baited for this ship, AND IT’S A STRAIGHT SHIP! I’m sorry I have feelings about this.

Janeway x Seven: Not a top ship of mine but I definitely see the chemistry here and I support it.

Janeway x Paris: I only bring this up because in like season 1 or 2 they have axolotl children together because the writers were probably high as a kite when they came up with this idea for an episode. But a hard pass.

Janeway x Coffee: I’m pretty sure this is already canon and I stan.

Chakotay x Seven: I haven’t completely finished Voyager yet but I heard that this is the endgame for the two and WTF. I don’t see or understand it and it makes me upset, like really upset.

Chakotay x B’elanna: I’m just glad this wasn’t canon. I more just bring it up because I remembered B’elanna had a crush on Chakotay in the early seasons before Tom. And like, I get it because if Chakotay was my commanding officer I’d probably crush too girl.

B’elanna x Paris: It’s a canon ship that I honestly kinda like. There are some moments where I’m like “oh no” and other where I’m like “YES”. But overall, I enjoy it. I just feel like there is something missing.

Paris x Kim: Fuck yea, I love these two together. Two bros turned lovers I am fucking here for it my dudes. But again, I feel like there is something else missing here.

B’elanna x Paris x Kim: Oh hell yea, I found what was missing. This is my personal OTP of Voyager. In my head I think Kim and B’elanna are just really close friends who do engineering things together. While Paris is in the corner, loving them both, but also setting the Delta Flyer on fire for the third time this week. I haven’t really looked into the Voyager tag (because spoilers) so idk if this is a popular ship. But I think they all have some really fun chemistry and I enjoy it.

Paris x Delta Flyer: This just came to my head 20 seconds ago as I wrote the last one but I’m pretty sure this one is already canon.

Kim x Seven: Nah

Seven x The Doctor: Hmm, do I dislike it as much as I do Seven x Chakotay? No, I do not. But do I like it that much? No, no I do not. I ship them as friends.

Tuvok x Nelix: No, not really. Opposites attract is not really my cup of tea all the time.

Nelix x Kes: Oh damn, I almost forgot about Kes. I know this is canon but where did this come from. The writers NEVER EXPLAIN IT! And then they never explain why the later broke up. I just... I just don’t understand.

I doubt I have covered every ship, these were just the ones that came to me while writing this. Also, these are just my personal opinions please don’t come for my knees.

#too many ships to tag #not even gonna try #start trek #Star Trek TNG #star trek the next generation #star trek deep space nine #star trek ds9 #star trek deep space 9 #star trek voyager #star trek voy

29 notes · View notes

jaybarou · 3 years

Text

Unpopular opinion maybe, but recently I have been thinking about queerness, history and how to mind the gap that it seems to open in the LGTBI+ community.

I have made peace with myself in a way, but I need to write it down.

I first felt the gap when reading about doctor Eleno de Céspedes; I made the all too frequent mistake of reading the comments after the article, on twitter. It was full of people who had read the headline and decided which was the hill they would die on.

There were angry lesbians saying that calling him a trans man was erasing lesbian representation. There were angry feminists (dangerously close to terfs) claiming that calling him a trans man was wrong because this was a clear case of a woman dressing as a man to be freeer. There were angry people claiming there was no way of knowing and that neutrality should be preserved. And angry people claiming this was clearly a trans person.

So I investigated by actually reading the article and googling a little bit.

(I made up my mind pretty soon, because a person who sews himself a penis to pass a medical exam... During his trials, he could have been given a lesser sentence if he retracted and admitted to being a woman. He never did, he chose 200 leashes and 10 years recluse working free as a nurse to being considered a woman again, so, read on your own and make up your mind)

But what really stayed with me is how this case is well documented because there were judges involved, but many other queer figures are barely mentioned in other's stories, many live hidden, and some don't fit our modern labels.

The point of all these labels we have now is us labelling ourselves instead of letting others do it for us with insults. Dead people can't do that. Retroactively adding labels is necessary, to study history, of course, but when we call historical events by modern terms we may make a mistake.

Catalina de Erauso, for example, was a scoundrel (appreciative) who used male regalia when she wanted to duel, kill, conquer, and female habits when she wanted to avoid justice in a nunnery.

Trans? Who knows?

Boston marriages are predominantly known as a somewhat visible form of lesbians, same as confirmed bachelors. But can we be sure? Are we sure it is not asexuals who don't want to go through conventional hops? Trans people with a friend who loves them platonically? Neurodiverse people who found solace in someone who understood them? Two foreigners unwelcome in a western world who are leaning on each other? Feminist women who chose to be spinsters instead of married, in a way? Or the opposite! Prude women who despised "brutish men" and choose to live together in purity to avoid the issue? (not my beliefs, just some historically relevant tends that unfortunately resurface in terf trends) Abused women supporting each other? Three people under the same roof, a friend of the family or a poly relationship?

We can make more or less educated guesses in each personal case, we can only study it as general trends, follow the whispers and accusations. It is not worth fighting over a few scraps. We don't know which letter of the intersectional LGTBI+ they were, we know what we know.

We know the very few things that remained, a few thoughts and a few things they did.

And that is the point.

Whatever they did, however they labelled themselves in their heads, the important thing is what they did. They chose to live by the way they felt and thought, in unconventional ways, that is the whole reason why they are in some history books, because the way they did thing was unconventional enough to be written down (denounced, accused, written about...)

In other words, to their society, they were queer.

And YES, YES, some of the options I said are technically straight, by our modern standards. The fact remains, that their behaviour made them stand out among their peers.

They can still be lesbian icons, or bi icons, or trans figures, or ace idols, simultaneously, because they still represent people who dared to (or had to) live queerly. Who saw their contemporary role models, genders, sexualities, traditions, practices... and they said, well, I'll have none of that.

(There is a sad argument to make here about the people who were queer but assimilated or hid well enough to never make it into judicial ledgers and whose diaries never reached us. The quiet stories that were mislabeled straight and we will never be able to learn or distinguish from straight stories. But that's rambling for a different post)

#tw: transphobia #ramblings #pretty western-centric bc i don't know enough about non-western cultures especially precolonial

2 notes · View notes

bigskydreaming · 4 years

Text

thehollowprince said: And I also stand by the opinion that they could have just done a solo run of the O5 X-Men starting a new timeline with the information they got from the future.

thehollowprince said: Its not like Marvel doesn’t constantly do AUs and retcons

OMG Josh you have no idea how bad I wanted this. They could’ve done SO MUCH with that concept. Letting the 05 keep their foreknowledge and the world they could have created with that?

They could’ve averted the initial Krakoan mission and saved Darwin, Gabe, Petra and Sway in the first place. They could have all been X-Men from their Day One, Scott and Alex would have actually gotten to KNOW their brother and Gabe quite possibly would never have gone full Dark Side despite the writers apparently now seeming obsessed with the idea there’s just something innately bad within Gabe that’s always destined to bear fruit at some point, ugh, whatever, like who do you think you are, Kant?

They could’ve recruited the Giant Size X-Men lineup earlier, and saved John Proudstar, who side by side with his brother Jamie, are a force to be reckoned with.

They could have convinced Pietro and Wanda to join them instead of the Avengers and been like no but seriously that way lies nothing but shitty storylines and bad decisions that will be blamed on you by your teammates despite the fact that any and all of the bad decisions that were ACTUALLY yours could have been averted if any of your teammates were capable of functioning as an actual support system. Come join us. We have actual support systems, except for the times when we don’t, but we recruited Deadpool to break the fourth wall and he and Logan are currently cutting through the ranks of every writer who would write as hating and fighting each other instead of being a loving fucking family goddammit.

Jean could have faced the Phoenix head-on when the time for that came, using her knowledge of the future not to fear an inevitable death, but rather to know she had nothing TO fear, that the power to not control this force, but just be ONE with it, with no NEED to control it or be controlled by it, a symbiotic union, two beings in harmony deciding on courses of action together. The Phoenix’s innate powers and prerogative of rebirth and destruction tempered by Jean’s mercy, aimed and focused by Jean’s reason, the double-edged sword that is fire capable of warming homes or destroying them completely combined with Jean’s conscience guiding it to use its power for the former rather than the latter.

They could have stopped the Legacy Virus from getting out and killing millions as well as spared us from migraines induced by an AIDS metaphor so shitty at being a metaphor most people forget it was literally written to be an AIDS metaphor.

The body swap would never have happened and Kwannon could have joined the X-Men as a full member from the time she was introduced, rather than dragged along in the wake of Betsy’s tangled storylines for a couple decades.

They could have stopped Fitzroy from killing the Hellions. Hell, if they train Illyana early enough and have her mentored by Wanda who is perfectly fucking competent when left to her own devices, then like, maybe they can even take a jaunt to the future to save Fitzroy from dying in the first place and being resurrected with no soul. Not gonna lie, ever since then I’ve kinda been seriously interested in what the hell would a hero version of Trevor freaking Fitzroy even BE like, y’know? Call it morbid fascination, but like. I kinda want it, guys. LOL.

Add to that note, they could have taken another jaunt to the future and rescued Rachel from being made into a Hound by Ahab. Through the power of some convoluted plot tangle I just made up for convenience, Scott still ends up in a relationship with Maddy briefly, in one of those self-fulfilling prophecy type things where he went into it with the full intention of just averting the future and saving Maddy from her fate as the Goblyn Queen, but somehow ended up in a love triangle with a very alive Jean and Maddy who is fully informed of Sinister’s shenanigans and quite displeased with that asshole, and look, I don’t know how all of this goes exactly, but let’s cut to the chase, my only real endgame with this is making sure that Nate’s born properly, saved from Apocalypse and the techno-virus by the combined efforts of Scott, Maddy and Jean as well as Uncles Warren, Bobby and Hank, and Jean calls up the Phoenix through some psychic bond or whatever and is like hey girl, can I hit you up for a loan real quick? Got some losers that need toasting.

And in this AU the Phoenix totally has her back, and one brief cosmic power-up and gratuitous Sailor Moon transformation later, Jean glows and intones some epic one-liners with appropriate gravitas, and then just punts both Apocalypse and Sinister to the far side of the universe, never to be seen or heard from again. They like, hit a black hole on the way there I guess. It was very sad. Violin strings may commence with the requiem. Okay that’s enough, they can stop now.

So then through the plot contrivances of fuck you, I said so, Scott and Maddy ultimately part amicably and Scott and Jean get back together and the three of them civilly co-parent both baby Nate and Rachel, as Maddy keeps the healing powers she gained as Anodine and stays with the X-Men for her own reasons.

The telepaths are all better trained by the expertise Jean gained in her powers while in the future, so the next time the Shadow King comes bumming around looking to cause chaos, Betsy, Emma and Jean just look at each other and laugh and say nuh-uh before psychically squishing him into a marble.

Warren never becomes Archangel. Onslaught isn’t a thing. They make nice with Magneto and say okay you may have a couple points, let’s discuss. Bishop arrives in the past for reasons totally unrelated to his original story, has no traitor to seek out among the X-Men, and thus he and Gambit end up besties in complete defiance of that stupid fucking story and because I just think they’re neat together. Yes I said neat. Gambit and Bishop are just neat. Deal with it.

Bishop still hates that Fitzroy guy though, he’s like, I don’t even know what it is about that guy, he just rubs me the wrong way, even though Fitzroy is not evil here and has always done good with his powers, which are channeled through a device Forge made him that lets him just absorb life force from a wide range around him, spread out and diluted enough that its like, the grass feels weird for a second, like whoa what even was that, and then its over. Actually, y’know what, scratch that. Fitzroy’s powers are stupid and unnecessary the way they are now anyway, so fuck it, this Fitzroy doesn’t need life force or whatever, he’s just a dude who makes time portals. He’s like Illyana with green hair and that ugly goatee. Hey I said this Fitzroy was non-evil, not that he was perfect.

Bobby’s out and proud since he was sixteen, and with actual competence and proficiency with his powers, which make him a Literal Unkillable Gay Icon, he’s an inspiration to LGBTQ+ teens everywhere and inspires other gay, bi and trans heroes to come out. He’s a big brother figure to all the baby gays that later join the X-Men, like, Rictor comes to him for advice back during the time equivalent to early X-Factor, when Rictor’s a trying-too-hard sixteen year old who thought college age Bobby was like the coolest, which is valid, because X-Factor Bobby was like A+ Bobby characterization and deserves more reads.

So Rictor comes out earlier as well, and by the time they even meet Shatterstar, instead of a slow burn friends to roommates to lovers scenario, Rictor takes one look at the love of his life and wastes no time coming out swinging with an absolutely terrible pick up line. Look, I said his big brother figure Bobby was out and proud in this AU, not that he magically had a better sense of humor. Some things just don’t change, y’know? Luckily, Shatterstar is a weirdo, and thus he finds terrible pick-up lines charming. At least when its Rictor saying them. They walk off for a first date, already practically hand in hand, voices fading into the distance as Rictor asks “By the way, have you met Dazzler yet? According to Bobby, apparently she’s your mom. That Longshot dude with the mullet over there is your dad I guess. We should go say hi.”

Hank gets an assistant hand-picked by the rest of the original X-Men, and who has one job and one job only. To follow him around and observe all his experiments, and he has veto power over experiments that People With IQs As High As Yours Should Know Better But I Guess You’ve Got Reed Richards Syndrome.

Hank’s like, “Hmm, if I built a time machine I could go back to the Jurassic Period and observe whether my theory of - “

Hank’s assistant: “Veto.”

“Damn. Okay I was also thinking of making a deep space communicator that can reach into the farthest reaches of space beyond any known civilization and just say hi, y’know? See if anyone’s out there.”

“Veto.”

“If I combine these genetically modified antibodies here with this strain of of DNA from - “

“Veto.”

“Well Forge built this device that does this to mutant powers but I think I can make it do - “

“Veto.”

“These nanobots I - “

“VETO,”

“Honestly, at this point I think you’re just saying that just because you like saying it.”

“Dr. McCoy, I promise you, I’m really, really not.”

Logan finds out about his future clan of stabby children, and seeks them out. He rescues Daken from Romulus, somebody stabs that loser with the immortal-killing sword, I don’t even care who, and after a few tense months of Logan trying too hard, he and Daken eventually bond over how hockey just isn’t violent enough. If you’re going to make a sport all about hitting each other, just really go for it or don’t even bother, y’know? Logan claps him on the shoulder and sniffs. That’s my boy. Then they find and rescue Laura and Gabby and take a road trip to Earth 1610 to pick up Jimmy. They have a house on campus, and new students walking by it are used to hearing loud growling and even howls. They were assured during orientation that that’s nothing to worry about, it just means the House of Snikt are watching a game and are rooting for opposing sides.

Emma’s recruited practically the day they get back. She’s only just started at the Hellfire Club and has only done a tiny bit of Evil when Warren schedules an appointment with her, and then he, Scott and Jean make a better pitch than Shaw and his ilk could ever match. They’ve been to the future. Come join with us and we’ll give you an all access pass to memories detailing exactly what’s going to happen in these particular areas and many more. All you have to do is ask. Oh and also please don’t seduce any married teammates. Its bad form. To be honest, I don’t think it’ll be an issue because Deadpool assures us Morrison has been taken care of, and don’t worry if that makes no sense to you, its a head-scratcher for us to. Just roll with it.

Nate ages normally here so its not like he ends up besties with forty year old Wade, but the latter having his own plot-contrived knowledge of the future because He’s Just Like That, decides that he won’t be denied at least SOME kind of bond with The Bestie That Wasn’t. He becomes Nate’s official babysitter. Well, not official, seeing as how Scott, Jean and Maddy don’t hire him and are very clear that their son is not to be left alone with this man at any time, he is a terrible influence and he keeps giving our kid guns. But then Wade just shows up anytime they’re out because he just has a sixth sense for Making Trouble, and he terrifies away whatever babysitter’s there and greets the returning and exasperated parents with a cheery wave.

“I know what you’re going to say, but don’t worry, we didn’t do anything dangerous or against the law. All we did today was I taught him to make bombs, but we were very careful, we wore safety goggles and really, they were very little bombs. Not even anything atomic. I honestly don’t think any of them could have even blown up this whole house, and I’ve been meaning to say, I’m not impressed with the structural integrity of this place. Couldn’t you have picked something with a sturdier foundation? Its like you don’t even expect random space mercenaries to attack your place out of the blue every other month. Have any of you even read a single issue of your own comics?”

Scott’s jaw twitches Ominously. Wade starts gathering up his things. Jean rubs her forehead wearily.

“Wade, what do you even think ‘dangerous’ means?”

Wade pauses and cocks his head. Gives it a solid twenty seconds of thought. Then he shrugs.

“I don’t know actually. Don’t think I’ve ever really thought about it. I always figured it was just one of those things people just say. Like, ‘oh, it looks like rain today,’ even if they’re not a forecaster and have no real meteorological credentials to speak of. ‘Oh, this mission will be dangerous,’ and I don’t even have to use up all my ammo and I only get shot twice. Y’know?”

“Leave,” Scott says. More like intones. House shakes a little bit but that might just be Wade’s imagination. Its very active.

“Leaving!” He says hastily. He jumps through the closed window and then teleports away amid the falling shower of broken glass. Why didn’t he do that while he was still inside the room? No one knows. Not even Wade knows. Why did the chicken cross the road? Who the fuck cares, now is it Original Recipe or Crispy?

Scott, Jean and Maddy search the house while Nate angelically claims they won’t find anything, Wade doesn’t even bring him cool stuff anymore cuz he knows you’ll just take it.

Maddy finds a high-tech laser space gun under a floorboard in the closet. She holds it up with one eyebrow raised pointedly. Scott and Jean flank her and their own eyebrows raise in solidarity. Well Jean’s does. Scott’s probably does but its hard to tell sometimes. Depends on what glasses or visor he’s wearing.

“That was already there,” Nate tries. Most powerful telepath and telekinetic in the world, but the kid can’t lie for shit. There’s not much point in trying when one of your moms is the freaking Phoenix, and that’s a skill that takes practice he just doesn’t have.

The three sets of parental eyebrows make a V, judgingly.

“One month of no video games or TV?” Okay, so terrible liar but quick on his feet. At least he knows when he’s beat and jumps straight to trying to shape his own punishment proactively.

“Two months. And no flying lessons either,” Jean says. “And don’t pout at me, young man. You know the rules. No weapons inside the house unless your grandpa Corsair is visitng and we’re too tired to fight him on keeping knives under his pillow. This is a Do As We Say, Not As We Do house. Deal with it. Now, this is going with the others and you can have it back when you’re eighteen.”

It would have been three months, but Jean and Maddy caught a telepathic sniff from Scott. He’s just so proud of his kid thinking so tactically. He’s growing up so fast. Both women mentally roll their eyes. Why is he like this.

“I don’t see what the big deal is anyway,” Nate sulks. “Its just a stupid laser gun. I mean, Uncle Gabe blew up our last house with his brain.”

“Yes and it was an accident and he feels absolutely terrible about that which is why we’re not going to bring it up when he and Armando come visit this weekend, right?”

“You can have my full compliance for two weeks off my sentence.”

“Or we can have your full compliance or two weeks will be added to your sentence,” Maddy says.

“You guys suck,” declares the ten year old vessel of near unlimited psychic might. He goes to his room, stomping all the way up the stairs so his grievances can be heard even by the House of Snikt next door. Course, they’ve already been listening to the whole thing with their enhanced hearing. There was nothing good on TV. Jimmy made popcorn and chewed with his mouth open just to piss off Daken.

‘The second Father leaves the room, I am going to stab you in such a slow healing place you’ll still be bleeding at bed time.’ Daken mouths at his little brother from another universe. Jimmy scrunches his face in confusion.

‘What?’ He mouths back. He’s terrible at reading lips. Or anything that isn’t skateboarding, really. And yet Father’s so happy that ‘at least one of my kids is content with stupid normal stuff and doesn’t go around drawing cover fire just because a mission is going so well its boring and they haven’t even gotten to pop their claws out yet.’

“That’s only because you’ve coddled him. He’s barely ever even been shot at. Just the one time on vacation in Majipoor and he wasn’t even the target, the assassin was aiming for me. If you would just let me take him on a proper outing to gain some real experience - “

“Not gonna happen.” Logan shuts that down real quick.

“Really Father, just look at him. He has zero situational awareness. I’ve been glaring a hole in the back of his head for a full minute now and he has no idea. That could just as easily be an actual laser scope, you know. He’s a disgrace to the whole family.”

“Daken, we’ve been over this,” Logan says firmly. “You have your sisters to bond with over gratuitous violence. Leave your brother alone. I don’t want anyone traumatizing him until trauma finds him all on its own. It’ll happen sooner or later, he’s as much a part of this family as anyone and that means its as good as done already, so there’s no need to hurry it along. If later on he decides he’s got a taste for it, you can take him on all the outings to get shot at that you want. But he’s gotta figure it out for himself first, and he doesn’t need his big brother being the one who introduces him to all that. He idolizes you, you know.”

Daken scoffs. He can’t even get the brat to chew with his mouth closed.

“He cut his hair from that style he liked so much, just because you hated it so much,” Logan says obliviously. Daken nods like he’s conceding the argument and hastens from the room while he can still keep his mouth shut. It won’t benefit anyone at this point to tell their father that Jimmy really only cut his hair because Daken told him he would set it on fire if he didn’t.

Ugh, families are the worst. Don’t even get him started on Laura stealing some of his clothes to wear without asking. And then has the gall to yell back at him when he yells “Silk! Its the finest cut of silk! Does that mean nothing to you?” at her.

“Oh get over it. Its not like I asked for killer robots to interrupt my date.”

“Of course they were going to interrupt your date with that Julian boy. I keep telling you, he’s a magnet for trouble. I can tell. I’m one too, remember?”

“Fine, whatever, you’re right and I should just expect every date with Julian from now until the end of time to end with fire and disaster.”

“Well now you’re being melodramatic. There’s no way that boy makes it past twenty five. He doesn’t even have a healing factor.”

“Why do you hate him so much anyway? If you’d just give him a chance - “

“What are you talking about? I give him a chance every single time he’s here and I don’t kill him.”

“Ugh, I can’t even talk to you when you’re like this. You always do this, you just decide on something and then you commit to that like the fate of the world depends on you standing firm on what’s usually a completely arbitrary decision in the first place!”

Daken sniffs. “I can assure you, there’s absolutely nothing arbitrary about my disdain for the Keller boy.”

“His name is Julian,” Laura enunciates with a glare.

“I don’t care,” Daken enunciates with an expression of lofty superiority.

“You two are so dumb,” Gabby says from the end of the hallway. They both turn identical glares on her. They’d noticed her arrive several minutes ago but they weren’t about to be distracted from their battle of wills. “Laura, you know Daken isn’t actually going to kill Julian. He doesn’t do that anymore except for really bad people sometimes and he just talks about stabbing people or killing them cuz he thinks he’s funny and then he gets all pissy because nobody ever gets that he doesn’t really mean it. He doesn’t even hate Julian and he used to be fine with him before he started dating you, its just he doesn’t think he’s good enough for you.”

Daken frowns at the petite would-be peacemaker. Meddlesome toddler. “What are you even babbling about? None of that is remotely true.”

Gabby rolls her eyes up at her brother from her much lower height. She taps the side of her nose with emphasis. “You do know we all have the same abilities to smell and analyze scents as you do, right? And you know everything you can tell from peoples’ scent, right? Of course I’m right, I can smell it as clear as anything and so can Jimmy and Dad and we actually all know this and talk about it all the time, and its why Dad never actually gets mad at you for talking about killing people because he can smell you’re saying it just cuz you’re used to saying it but really you’re too marshmallowy on the inside now to do half the stuff you claim you’re gonna do. Hate to break it to you bro, but you’re a closet softie and you’ve been made. The nose doesn’t lie. Only reason Laura doesn’t know it is because you piss her off like its your favorite hobby and its probably impossible for her to smell anything beyond her own scent of Royally Pissed Off.”

Ugh. Meddlesome insightful toddler. Who asked for her intervention anyway? Daken crosses his arms in a way that’s decidedly aloof and not at all sulking.

Laura’s staring at their sister assessingly. “That’s really what you think is going on? And Jimmy and Dad think so too? You’re not just saying all that?”

Gabby bats her eyes up at them. “Would I lie to you?”

“Yes,” Laura says without missing a beat.

“Without a shadow of a doubt,” Daken says dryly, right on her heels.

“For the sake of a candy bar,” Laura adds, because that really did happen.

“Or just boredom, because god forbid you pick up another hobby that isn’t just Chaos.”

“This from the guy who only has fun when there’s blood and bullets flying about,” Gabby fires back from a position of petite petulance.

Daken smirks down at her. “Didn’t you just say I don’t really mean it when I say all of that?”

Gabby narrows her eyes. “Touché. My own words thrown back at me. I am undone.”

“Yes, well - “

Daken’s cut off as Jimmy chooses that moment to walk past them down the hallway to the bathroom. He’s laughing and shaking his head.

“You guys are both so dumb. She plays you like this all the time, and you never see it.”

“Silence, mortal!” Gabby thunders at their brother menacingly. The effect is somewhat diminished by the fact that she can’t hit a baritone note to save her life.

“No, I’m interested in hearing what he has to say,” Daken says coolly. “For once. This is a moment without precedent and one unlikely to occur again, so let’s explore it a bit.”

Jimmy sighs and shakes his head without ever losing that amused smirk. “Had to tack on that last part, didn’t you. Just couldn’t help yourself.”

“I am a faithful student of the Truth,” Daken says, matching his brother smirk for smirk.

“The point, Jimmy?” Laura prods aggressively before that can erupt into a wholly separate thing she wants no part of.

“Oh, right.” He shrugs nonchalantly. “Its kinda her thing with you two when you get like this. You pick a fight with Laura, Laura gets pissed off and succumbs to the family curse of Tunnel Vision at the Worst Possible Time, and you both go back and forth endlessly and like you have all the time in the world for your stupid tete a tete, because on account of you both being practically unkillable and immortal, you kinda do and you know it. And then whenever she gets bored of listening to you two, Gabby swoops in and draws both of your attention until you’re both so focused on being annoyed with her you don’t even realize you’re actually side by side agreeing with each other, and she keeps it up just long enough til she’s sure she can just say she’s bored now and just leave the room, leaving you both annoyed and frustrated by a fight you can’t even claim to have won because she really just kinda...left, in the middle of it, and you’re so focused on that, you’ve totally forgotten to be pissed at each other. And by the time you do remember, like, the moment has passed and peace has been returned to the kingdom. Or at least as peaceful as this place ever gets.”

Daken stares at his mistake of a brother in the hopes that if he stalled long enough, his senses would arrive at a different conclusion. But nope. Scents don’t lie, unlike baby sis, apparently. He’s telling the truth. And Daken really does not....care for that conclusion.

Gabby stamps her foot and glares up at their brother.

“You are such a tattletale. I am providing a service, by keeping this family free of these two constantly at each others throats, and how is that service repaid? With betrayal! I hate you, you’re dead to me. Never speak to me again or at least not until I’ve stopped being mad at you, but that could be like ten years or something, I don’t even know right now.”

She draws up to her full height and squares her shoulders as she thunders this Mighty Mouse style at the still laughing Jimmy. Then, seeing she’d yet to make a dent in his armor of amusement and he was failing to take her pronouncement seriously, she punctuated her declaration by spitting on their brother’s shoe. Daken’s eyebrows shoot up again, this time in amusement of his own. Gabby then spins around on her heel and stalks off down the hallway, muttering more dire threats under her breath as she goes, the sound of them nonetheless carrying clearly to three siblings with enhanced hearing of their own. And apparently, little sis could be quite creative. Who knew she’d been hiding such talent?

Jimmy barely even notices; he’s still staring down at his shoe.

“Dude, you spit on me! That’s so not cool.”

“Some things need to be expressed so strongly, mere words will not suffice,” Daken says loftily, savoring a slightly renewed sense of superiority.

One quickly dashed, of course, because apparently he just can’t have anything.

“Bold words from the seventy year old who needed the sixteen year old to clue him in he’s being regularly manipulated by the twelve year old,” Jimmy fires back. As a return volley, its obnoxiously effective, and Daken’s still grinding his teeth and searching for an adequate rejoinder as Jimmy just grins even wider and then strolls off down the hallway as well. Whistling either an absolutely hideous song or else proof that he’s absolutely hideous at whistling. Tough call. With him it could be either.

Daken and Laura both stare after him in silence as he rounds the corner and disappears, leaving only the lingering scent of smugness in his wake. Daken hates the scent of smugness. It has a particularly....cloying feel to it. Well not his of course. But everyone else’s, especially little brothers? Acrid is the only word adequate for that.

“Sometimes I really do want to stab him. Just a little bit. And I’m not even lying,” Daken says. Laura just nods, her own nose scrunched up in distaste as well.

“Honestly? Me too.”

Brother and sister enjoy the rare moment of solidarity.

“You know what’s really bugging me?” Laura says suddenly, still staring off down the hallway. Daken turns an inquiring eye on her, prompting elucidation. She frowns.

“Where the hell did he learn a phrase like tete a tete? I mean. Its Jimmy.”

Daken does know what she means, and frowns as the nagging awareness of that leaps from his sister to himself like memetic chain lightning.

“And he used it correctly. That’s....unexpected.”

“Sometimes I wonder if maybe he’s not as completely airheaded as he pretends, and the fact that he’s got everyone so convinced of that actually means he’s running circles around the rest of us,” Laura says. She shrugs. “Of course, then I have to question everything and who has that kind of time and also the very idea of genius mastermind Jimmy disturbs me on a deeply visceral level. So then I just. Stop doing that.”

Daken nods and sighs. “Sometimes, that’s all you can do.”

“Okay, this is annoying. I kinda still want to fight, but now fighting with you feels kinda anticlimactic. Ugh, siblings are the worst,” Laura declares with a glower. “They ruin everything.”

“On that, we can agree. With allowances for temporary occasions of some of them being bearable,” Daken says. “Some.”

“That’s the nicest thing you’ve never said to me, big brother,” Laura says lightly. Daken swiftly scowls but she holds up a hand to forestall any rebuttal. “Sorry, don’t mean to ruin the moment. I’m thinking about how else we can put all that frustrated energy to good use. Wanna go pick a fight with the Summers’ kids?”

A slow smile spreads across Daken’s face. “Well now. Finally, a family outing I can get behind. I believe that’s precisely what we need right now. Care to lead the way?”

He still hates her boyfriend, of course, but he supposes he can let that be.

For now, at least.

16 notes · View notes

jenniferdiazisatransgirl · 4 years

Text

Bi Taylor Theory

Hey guys, So I’m not big on theorising about the sexual orientations of celebrities given they are you know, real people but Taylor Swift released her 8th studio album, “folklore” recently. Not only does this album take me back to my days of high school, feeling very reminiscent of the old Taylor Swift, it also has an interesting song in it called “Betty” and before reading through this I advise listening to the song.

So a warning not to pass this point if you haven’t listened to the song.

So I have always had a suspicion that Taylor Swift maybe bisexual. But her public life has always been very boy crazy and while she has certainly show allyship in her songs, going as far back as the music video for “Mean” on the album “Speak Now”. There has really been nothing but I think she might be bisexual to back up this suspicion.

And really, in an ideal world Taylor being bisexual would not matter, but in the world we live in today where discrimination against LGBT people remains rampant, having arguably a superstar like Taylor amongst our ranks would be amazing. Plus I think, if Taylor is bisexual, “Betty” may reveal some of the politics in Big Machine and Nashville during the time of her early career.

So the song “Betty” focuses on what appears to be a Summer romances between Taylor and a girl called Betty, up until a point where Taylor refers to herself as being a guy called James. Which then suggests she is singing this song from the point of view of a guy called James and not her own point of view. So a romance between Betty and James.

And it may seem at this point the Bi Taylor Theory is proven moot but I need to dig deeper into this to get my thoughts across. So in the chorus there is a group of lines that goes like this;

“In the garden would you trust me If I told you it was just a summer thing? I'm only seventeen I don't know anything but I know I miss you”

We here this 2 times before any mention of it being from the point of view of a guy called James. To me, it reads almost as if Taylor intended her romance with Betty to be an experiment but her feelings ended up developing into something more.

The song also mentions Taylor hating the crowds and seemingly describes a school dance where, Betty can’t find Taylor and Taylor maybe after building her confidence comes to find Betty dancing with a guy. Taylor also mentions the worse thing she ever did, was what she did to Betty. This makes me wonder if perhaps she outed Betty which would be a truly awful thing to do, but maybe I am also jumping to an awful conclusion. Maybe standing Betty up was actually the awful thing. Taylor feeling shame in her attraction to Betty, standing her up at the school dance and making Betty feel ashamed in who she is.

I did consider not including the outing theory as I wrote it, but I kinda like to show my entire thought process, as my followers will know.

Now, we can move onto James in which the lines go;

“I was walking home on broken cobblestones Just thinking of you when she pulled up Like a figment of my worst intentions She said "James, get in, let's drive" Those days turned into nights Slept next to her but I dreamt of you all summer long”

So this is the first indication this isn’t Taylor, but supposedly someone else’s point of view, a man called James, who while being infatuated by Betty is with another girl.

Now, perhaps Taylor was singing from another person’s point of view. But let’s imagine for a second she wasn’t, let’s imagine she was writing from her own point of view.

In this Taylor is 17 and near the beginning of her career in the country music scene. Taylor has a habit of writing song after song about her exes, romances and failed romances and I would assume, she would have written this song back then with the intent to either have the song released on either her debut album “Taylor Swift” or “Fearless”. Bare in mind, Taylor didn’t become a worldwide sensation until “Fearless”, she is still a small time country artist and Nashville isn’t exactly known for its liberalism. She has yet to have the level of artistic control she does now over her music.

Maybe Taylor threw that verse in to throw people, make it appear as if she were writing it from a guys point of view when in reality she was writing it from her own. And maybe Big Machine decided it was still a bit too on the nose and people would realise it was in fact her point of view she was writing from.

And for my final point, Taylor in the final verse sings;

“So, I showed up at your party Yeah, I showed up at your party Yeah, I showed up at your party Will you have me? Will you love me? Will you kiss me on the porch in front of all your stupid friends? If you kiss me Will it be just like I dreamed it? Will it patch your broken wings? I'm only seventeen I don't know anything But I know I miss you Standing in your cardigan Kissing in my car again Stopped at a streetlight, you know I miss you” A key line I spot here is, “Standing in your cardigan”. Although certainly not impossible I don’t know many guys who are willing to wear their girlfriend’s cardigan. This further leads me to believe this is written from Taylor’s point of view, with the character of James’ being intended to throw people.

And now 13 years on, Taylor has a record deal with Republic and more creative freedom than she’s ever had. In fact more than probably most artists have. She has released an album that feels more in touch with her roots and one where the song of “Betty” doesn’t feel so out of place. She has made her allyship of the LGBT community very clear in the album “Lover” and show support for the Equality Act in the United States. Maybe now felt like the right time to release the song and hint at her possible bisexuality.

And I hear you asking, “Why didn’t she rewrite it to make it clear it is from her POV?” Maybe she is happy with how the song came out and maybe after 13 years the same level of emotions aren’t there for her to do a decent rewrite, but assuming this is a 13 year old song originally intended for “Taylor Swift” or “Fearless” I think it still quite eloquently gets the point across that Taylor is in fact bisexual.

And this is of course a theory and given this is a theory about a real person, I want to be quite clear that I could be wrong. If Taylor is straight, she is straight and there is nothing wrong with her being straight and fans should not pressure her into identifying one way or another.

I just felt like the song “Betty” raised some valid questions and I felt it was worth exploring and while it maybe great to have Taylor Swift as a bisexual icon. If she is straight she is still a pretty badass ally.

Enjoy!!!!

#bi taylor #theory #bi taylor theory #betty #folklore #Taylor Swift

6 notes · View notes

pinkdyno · 4 years

Text

The Positive and Negative

Crossed out=Not applicable.

MY MUSE IS: canon / OC / AU / canon-divergent / fandomless / complicated.

IS YOUR CHARACTER POPULAR IN THE FANDOM? YES / NO / MAYBE

IS YOUR CHARACTER CONSIDERED HOT™ IN THE FANDOM? YES / NO / IDK.

IS YOUR CHARACTER CONSIDERED STRONG IN THE FANDOM? YES / NO / IDK.

ARE THEY UNDERRATED? YES / NO / IDK.

WERE THEY RELEVANT FOR THE MAIN STORY? YES / NO

WERE THEY RELEVANT FOR THE MAIN CHARACTER? YES / NO / THEY’RE A PROTAG

ARE THEY WIDELY KNOWN IN THEIR WORLD? YES / NO.

HOW’S THEIR REPUTATION? GOOD / BAD / NEUTRAL

HOW STRICTLY DO YOU FOLLOW CANON?

SELL YOUR MUSE! Aka: try to list everything, which makes your muse interesting in your opinion to make them spicy for your mutuals. — Val is a pretty good listener. It’s hard to tell sometimes online, but irl he’ll sit with you and let you vent or infodump about pretty much anything without getting annoyed or bored. He’s perceptive about certain things that most other people don’t notice. She’s also extremely well versed in fashion and loves to come up with outfits for himself and others. Being bi, trans, and gnc is also iconic, in my opinion. He’s not afraid to defend himself and his friends. VERY good at puzzles.

Now the OPPOSITE, list everything why your muse could not be so interesting (even if you may not agree, what does the fandom perhaps think?). — Scatterbrained, Vivi can jump from one topic to the next without much consideration. Also, even though he notices details other people miss, he tends to miss details that most other people CAN see. He also has a habit of lurking, and has a hard time reaching out to talk to people first, so he ends up waiting for other people to message him. It’s not that he doesn’t WANT to talk to you - he just forgets he can contact people anytime he wants.

WHAT INSPIRED YOU TO RP YOUR MUSE? — I wanted a new OC so I grabbed a couple of my interests and a universe me and my friends made and just threw a character together. I love ic rp a lot and I love the connections people can make here, so that’s what inspired me most.

WHAT KEEPS YOUR INSPIRATION GOING? — Boredom.

Some more personal questions for the mun.

Give your mutuals some insight about the way you are in some matters, which could lead them to get more comfortable with you or perhaps not.

DO YOU THINK YOU GIVE YOUR CHARACTER JUSTICE? YES / NO / I SINCERELY HOPE I DO

DO YOU FREQUENTLY WRITE HEADCANONS? YES / NO / SORT OF

DO YOU SOMETIMES WRITE DRABBLES? YES / NO

DO YOU THINK A LOT ABOUT YOUR MUSE DURING THE DAY? YES / NO

ARE YOU CONFIDENT IN YOUR PORTRAYAL? YES / NO / SORT OF?

ARE YOU CONFIDENT IN YOUR WRITING? YES / NO / A BIT.

ARE YOU A SENSITIVE PERSON? YES / NO / SORT OF

DO YOU ACCEPT CRITICISM WELL ABOUT YOUR PORTRAYAL? — Absolutely, yes. I mean, it’s an OC, so any criticism I get would be less ‘youre rping this character wrong’ and more ‘hey you’re doing something shitty and you should stop’.

DO YOU LIKE QUESTIONS, WHICH HELP YOU TO EXPLORE YOUR CHARACTER? — Yes and no. Mostly because I’m not super creative so having to come up with things on the spot usually doesn’t end well. But it’s probably for my own good to force me to flesh out my character/worlds more.

IF SOMEONE DISAGREES TO A HEADCANON OF YOURS, DO YOU WANT TO KNOW WHY? — It’s my OC why would they disagree with me.

IF SOMEONE DISAGREES WITH YOUR PORTRAYAL, HOW WOULD YOU TAKE IT? — Shrug emoji

IF SOMEONE REALLY HATES YOUR CHARACTER, HOW DO YOU TAKE IT? — Sucks to be you I guess.

ARE YOU OKAY WITH PEOPLE POINTING OUT YOUR GRAMMATICAL ERRORS? — Yeah that’s fine, though I usually fix them right after posting since i reread everything like 10 times.

DO YOU THINK YOU ARE EASY GOING AS A MUN? — I’d like to think so, though I don’t really tolerate some of the nonsense I see on tumblr.

Tagged by @nobodyslyre

Tagging: any mutuals who havent been tagged yet and want to do this for yourself <3

#ooc #long post #this is definitely oriented more for fandom characters not ocs but it was fun

2 notes · View notes

destielfanfic · 6 years

Note

I’m new to the fandom and Destiel. What are the must read iconic fics for this pairing? I know every fandom/or ship has the legendary fic list and I was curious as to what Destiel’s were.

Welcome to destiel and thanks for the most dreaded ask a fic rec blog could ever receive!

Honestly tho, it is an impossible task for couple of people, mods of DFF or from any other popular blog, to make a public shortlist of “iconic” destiel fic without starting controversy and hurting someone. We all have personal preferences and biases that influence our selection and there is always that one really popular fic we personally don’t get. Then you have to take into account the sheer amount of destiel fic.

September 2018 will mark Ten Years of Castiel. That’s ten years of fic written and read by an ever changing fandom. Destiel has been among top slash pairings on AO3 for many years and as of today, there’s more than 73,000 fics on Castiel/Dean Winchester tag alone. That doesn’t include the many excellent and popular fics that never transitioned to AO3 from other platforms including LiveJournal or Dreamwidth and FFN. Then add to that the hundreds of popular fics that have been taken down by their authors.

Fandom interpretation of Dean and Cas and their relationship has evolved alongside canon material over these ten years as well. Previously iconic, popular or most talked about fics have been replaced with new ones that draw inspiration from recent canon. This is another reason why it is so hard to recommend “iconic, legendary” fics - even if the writing and characterization have stood the test of time, the fic still is lacking recent canon influences and fandom interpretations (bi!Dean with panty kink, looking straight at you!).

So, this is why we are not eager to make a must read, “iconic” destiel fic rec list that supposedly represents fandom preferences. Instead, here’s some pointers where you can find fics that are/were cherished by destiel fans, old and new, through the years.

On our side bar we have New to Destiel guide which is a good starting point for new fans. Please note that we made this guide years ago, so, it consists of older fics that were considered popular at the time. Still, the quality of writing is there. And if you are new to fic reading in general, don’t miss our New to Fanfiction guide.

DFF mods’ Personal Favorites tag. Yes, these are our personal favorite fics, not fandom “iconic” fics. But we are destiel fans and we have read many of the fics that are considered popular or classic in this fandom. These are the ones we liked the most. A biased selection, to be sure, but here you go. Don’t miss our anniversary Personal Favs posts, they have good chronological progression of destiel fic - Personal Favorites 2016 & 2017, Personal Favorites 2015, Personal Favorites 2014, Personal Favorites 2013. The very first Personal Favorites list from 2013 has a lot of fics that were considered popular or must read at the time. Following lists always included new, more recently posted fic.

New fans who are only now starting to watch SPN and are still catching up with all 13 seasons, may want to check out this recent ask about destiel fics that are set in pre season 7 universe. We’ve added all relevant fics from our blog, including those recently posted. Please note that we also have season tags on our Tags Page if you are looking for a particular season. We use SU (Supernatural Universe) tag for canon verse fics.

Three years ago we made a fic rec list suitable for younger fans. If you are new to fic reading and wish take it slow with smut, this is a good starting point.

If you are interested in destiel fandom history, older authors and their fics, and fic recs by fans who are not DFF mods, check out our Author Spotlights and Follower Spotlights.

Fic search hack - if you see the same (older) fic mentioned on multiple rec lists, it means it was well known. Same goes for note counts on our reviews and AO3 kudos. Beware, these statistics accumulate over time and don’t guarantee fic quality, only reflect its popularity. We also have a Guide to Finding Fics which can help you to expand your searches when you are already familiar with fanfic scene. We encourage you to find fics that suit your taste instead of trusting someones’s list blindly.

One more thing.

There’s one destiel fic that is considered very “iconic” and a must read for every new fan. This one. [link goes to our very positive review; we don’t name the title here to hide it from searches]. DFF mods do not consider this fic a must read. We think you can skip it and enjoy many other destiel fics. In fact, one DFF mod has never read it, because it has a Major Character Death, and I don’t think I’m worse for it or I should hand back my destiel shipper’s card. Yes, it is a very emotionally written story that will tug your heart strings very emotionally. Crying is almost guaranteed. But in the opinion of both current mods, it is not the golden standard of destiel fic nor does it have the best characterization of Dean, Cas or their relationship. Please don’t judge all destiel fics after a fic that happened to hit a fandom nerve years ago. In general, DFF tries to avoid voicing a negative opinion about any fic. We prefer “positive review or silence” type of approach. However, the situation with this particular fic in destiel fandom is so exceptional, that we thought it would be dishonest not to mention it. This fic gets constantly recced as the first one to read in destiel fandom and we think it is a very irresponsible advice if the reccer doesn’t advise to check the tags and Archive Warnings. Nothing is worse than your first fic for a certain pairing to be an unexpected Major Character Death fic. So, please note that there’s plenty of fans who don’t consider this fic “iconic”, or a must read.

#classics #archive fic rec #asks #anonymous #about #hey guys #this was an off anon ask #and we already answered it privately #we decided to post it on the blog as well #since there's so many new destiel fans #and we think you all could benefit from this #welcome to destiel fanfic #<3333 #our anon is turned off for good #but you are welcome to send in private asks

931 notes · View notes

smnthchrstn · 5 years

Note

hey u do all of the questions for the lgbtq+ tag - shat

Thank you, Shat. I appreciate this. 🤗

What do you identify as and what are your pronouns? I’m a lesbian and I’m demisexual. My pronouns are she/her.

How did you discover your sexuality, tell your story? I met someone writing and we grew very close and I eventually (and slowly) realized that I had feelings for them. I’d never actually known that I liked a girl before that, I went through all of that for the very first time and much later on realized that I’d been liking girls for a really long time.

Have you experienced being misgendered? What happened and how did you overcome it? I’m cis female. That hasn’t happened to me.

Who was the first person you told, how did they react? My best friend. I told her during Warped tour between bands. When I really did come out I also told her first and she already knew.

Describe what it was like coming out, what did you feel? The scariest fucking thing in the entire world. You don’t know how people will react and especially if you’re coming from a religious background and the people around you have never really been supportive to begin with. It’s terrifying but the relief you feel is something I can’t even put into words. Your entire life changes, you finally get to be the person you were meant to be and you live and you want to live and it’s fucking incredible.

If you’re out, how did your parents/guardians/friends react? My dad said he already knew, I shocked the hell out of my mom, and my friends knew or they’d already helped me with a hundred and one questions. My mom used to be very conservative and had homophobic views for a really long time - everything changed when I told her. She never saw me any differently and learned and changed and adapted.

What is one question you hate people asking about your sexuality? Probably a variation of “How long have you liked girls?” the answer has been always, but I know they usually mean “when did you know?”.

Describe the style of clothing that you most often wear. Comfortable clothes. I like leggings, I like hoodies, I like tank tops. I like wearing what I want basically.

Who are your favourite lgbt+ ships? Foxxay/goode-day etc. I’m also really big into vauseman still because I’m trash.

What does makeup mean to you? Do you wear any? I do sometimes. Depending on where I’m going or what’s happening - not very often. Lip gloss most days, tho.

Do you experience dysphoria? If so, how does that affect you? No, I don’t.

What is the stupidest thing you’ve heard said about the lgbt+ community? That we’ve made a choice because no one has ever made a fucking choice

What’s your favourite thing about the lgbt+ community? I guess maybe the togetherness. We all know how this feels and it’s something that’s brought me really close together with my friends in the community.

What’s your least favourite thing about the lgbt+ community? Some people can be really dismissive and mean, especially to other members of the community that identify as pan, bi, or ace.

Have you ever been to your cities pride event? Why or why not? Yes, I’ve gone three years in a row. It’s a whole tradition for me now.

Who is your favourite lgbt+ Icon/Advocate/Celebrity? Sarah Paulson is my favorite - with that being said I look up to many many celebrities/icons/actos etc. - Ellen Degeneres is the first person to come to mind.

Have you been in a relationship and how did you meet? I dated a couple boys before I came out and I’ve been in three relationships after coming out. The first we met on Tinder, the second we met on Tumblr, and I met @remuspolaris on Tumblr 🤫😘

What is your favourite lgbt+ book? Probably Simon vs. the Homo Sapiens Agenda. Annie On My Mind was pretty good too.

Have you ever faced discrimination? What happened? In my personal life, I haven’t. With that being said no one should ever need to feel that way, but in my state you aren’t protected if your business decides to fire you because you’re LGBT+. I’m careful at work (even though I don’t really think they’d care). I wish people didn’t have to feel that way.

Your Favorite lgbt+ movie or show? Glee, it would have to be Glee - followed by OITNB.

Who are some of your favourite lgbt+ bloggers? @ all my mutuals and @americanhorrorstory-coven because she’s gay as hell

Which lgbt+ slur do you want to reclaim? “Queer” because I can’t handle using the others.

Have you ever gone to a gay bar, or a drag show, how was it? Yep, very fun, but don’t drink as much as I did.

How do you self-identify your gender, and what does that mean to you? I’m just a cis female. I’m not super femme, but I’m not very masculine either.

Are you interested in having children? Why or why not? Yes. This is a slightly complicated question. The want becomes greater when I feel safe and comfortable. I would love to give a child a beautiful life. I want my child to grow up knowing they’re loved by both of us and seeing how much I love their other parent. I’m also selfish because when I really, really love someone I want to have a mini of them walking around. (but I’m open to any children and I do hope to be a mom someday)

What identity advice would you give your younger self? You can do it. I know you think you’re going to go to hell, but you won’t. You’re going to be okay, I promise.

What do you think of gender roles in relationships? If I really have to kill the bug I will, but like I really don’t want to.

Anything else you want to share about your experience with gender? I don’t think so.

What is something you wish people know about being lgbt+? We didn’t make a choice and also, God doesn’t hate us. I spent years thinking that and that just isn’t true.

Why are proud to be lgbt+? For a long time this part of me made me want to die and I really thought it would be easier to not be here than to live a lie or be like this. That’s insane to me and I’m so glad that I’d been blessed enough to have good people around me and friends/family that could support me. I’m ridiculously proud of how much I’ve developed and how truthful I can be in my life and how openly I get to love. We’re normal. We’re completely normal and the world needs to know that we’ve always been here.

#thanks friend i really wanted to do this one #asks #Anonymous

3 notes · View notes

toyahinterviews · 3 years

Text

TOYAH ON CATtales 21.5.2020

CAT: Hi, you're listening to CATtales and my guest today really needs no introduction. She appeared in the 1978 film “Jubilee” and “Quadrophenia” the following year. Her early hit singles included “It's A Mystery” and “I Want To Be Free”, and by 1982 she had made two platinum selling albums. After more than 40 years in the music business, she is as creatively hungry as she was in her teens. She's a singer and actress, a writer, a punk rebel and an icon. But most importantly, she is an independent, strong woman who doesn't take any prisoners. This is the one with Toyah Willcox. What a ridiculous time we’re in! TOYAH: Well, I certainly won’t be promoting concerts! (they both laugh) CAT: I know, I know, it's terrible, isn't it? Everybody’s saying the same thing ... it's like they have tours and had to cancel it all. It's heart breaking, isn't it? TOYAH: The thing is like a lot of us have been building up to this year and it's been a phenomenal journey from about 2001, the wave of 80's being so popular has been incredible. But a lot of artists had just been building to this year with their kind of independence.

So yes, we do all these fantastic festivals and we do these multi-star line-ups but quite a few of us to work really hard to go out and be solo on tour and and this year we’re supposed to going out with Hazel O'Connor on a completely sold out tour, but also my own tours at the same time. So it's very, very frustrating. CAT: Oh, it must be. As I saw about the tour that you were doing with Hazel and I thought that's going to be a must see, so I'm not surprised to hear it's been sold out. TOYAH: It is still going to happen. And I think what will happen once we find a way of being out in the open safely. And I suppose the most obvious way that's going to happen is a vaccine. I think we're going to have a decadent 20s. We're going to go back 100 years to a lifestyle of complete decadence. I think we're all like pressure cookers waiting to go off. And we're gonna party party party.

And I know from talking to venues and promoters from my side, the venues need as much help as they can get. So even though this year was going to be one of the busiest years of my life, I think next year is going to be beyond the busiest years of all our lives because we're going be opening the venues, helping the venues, keeping those venues running almost 24 hours a day so that the rock economy can get back on its feet. I think next year, technically, and kind of wishful thinking is going to be an incredible year.

CAT: I think that's a really good observation. You could be right, as long as we can also hold on that long, which with the human spirit we will do. It will be like the end of the war years, won't it?

TOYAH: Yeah, we are in recession and I mean I've not earned a penny for 14 months. But you know I can survive. The passion to work and the passion to be in front of my audience is not diminishing - its growing and I think it's the same for everyone and come the point where we could all go out there and work I just think we are going to just run our socks off and make everything come back the way we knew it, but much better. CAT: Yeah, I think you're absolutely right and you do sound so passionate about stuff which is so refreshing with 40 years in the industry, you sound actually more alive now that you probably ever have done. TOYAH: Well, I think like many artists my age, I turn 62 on Monday, we're in control of our lives now and what we do we do because we really love it and I don't feel the pressure I was under in my 20’s. When you’re a new upcoming artist and you've got to just keep coming up when new looks, new music and it was relentless and I found it very very … it wasn't conducive to being creative, whereas these days where we can go about our lives as kind of sixty somethings, we’re driving the engine, we can put out there when we're ready to put out there and it makes life a lot more rewarding. CAT: Absolutely. I think the 60 is the new 40, isn't it?

TOYAH: I think it's the new 30’s personally ... CAT: Yes! (laughs) TOYAH: I didn't enjoy my 30’s so I'm determined that 60 is going to make up for that. CAT: The autumn years are the best years. So you’ve got lots and lots of strings to your bow. You started out in acting. You’re better known as a musician probably, but you do presenting, producing, voiceover, writing. That's a lot of balls to have in the air, Toyah. What’s your preference or are you just a good juggler?

TOYAH: I like to be busy and if I can do it and do it well, I'm gonna do it. Obviously I love music, but I can't relentlessly stay tuned in that way. It drains you. So I find going away doing a film, doing a stage play or voiceovering or making a documentary ... they refuel me. They kind of give me new ideas, they connect me to new people. So I find it's all complimentary. It all helps the other, I find it very healthy and I think a lot of people are working that way. I know when I started in the business, I think 42 years ago, you couldn't do that. People wouldn't allow you to do that. There was so much snobbery in every area. But now I think you're able to do it and people still respect you and see you for what you are. CAT: I totally agree. Actually, it's more like the entertainment business now, isn't it? Rather than having those specific genres, that you couldn't crossover those boundaries, which I suppose I should say it helps your creativity in different areas? TOYAH: Yes, totally it does. I agree. But also, I think with the internet everything has become slightly diluted. I remember when I started my career I was at the National Theatre, I was 18 years old and this is in London and actors just wouldn't do voiceovers. Actors wouldn't do adverts. Stage actors wouldn't do TV and they had no money (both laugh)

Learning from an actor who didn't act much but made over 75 K a year, 42 years ago, doing voiceovers, everyone was just dribbling at the thought of it so I think we live in a much more balanced world. I don't think people beat themselves up so much over those kind of snobberies anymore. CAT: That's true, that's possibly down to the internet, as you say, isn’t it and social media being a big influence really? TOYAH: For me this learning curve on this particular lockdown has been social media because I'm slightly technophobic and I've had to learn how to do it and I've had to turn it around to give myself presence and it's been a fabulous journey in that alone. I got my first 1.2 million hits on something I posted and all of that is such an important thing in this time - that you can stay connected to your audience via social media. So it's all a learning curve.

I'm quite an insular person when I'm being creative, which is virtually everyday - it's a silent process. It's not a process where I want a phone in my hand, so I had to learn a way that I can connect to my fans through social media. And what I'm doing I absolutely love, and it's just posting slightly Dadaistic films to make them laugh. It's done me the world of good, my agent is calling me everyday and saying, "do you know so and so has just seen this" "do you know know they’ll book you because of this film" and it's worked and I'm very very grateful.

CAT: It’s wonderful. I've been watching some of them, I've been having a right laugh at you with a tutu and Robert there doing it. Doing the Swan Lake impression which is wonderful! TOYAH: That’s the controversial one. It made the headlines in Italian newspapers that one because Italians pride themselves on being almost exclusively intellectual and for Robert (below with Toyah in 1997) to do that, my husband's Robert Fripp of the band King Crimson - for him to do that was blasphemous, and you had super über authors in Italy debating this and my husband is not kind man if you criticise him and he attacked these people online and again that was making headlines. It’s well known in the industry if you diss my husband he’ll diss you a 100 time more (they both laugh) and this was making headlines and my husband found it very entertaining and last week having journalists say in an Italian newspaper, top newspaper, “Oh yes, I was reading an interview with Fripp” ... I mean not even having met him or interviewed him - “I read an interview with with Fripp and I came to the conclusion he’s a jerk” Boy, was that the red rag to the bull!

CAT: Oh dear! First of all it’s terrible for him to say that full stop, but not even sitting and meeting him ...

TOYAH: Well, thats’s the power of … we all have a voice now, so it's just been very, very enlightening and at sometimes entertaining. CAT: Absolutely and what's lovely about that. Is it still that rebellious side of your nature and Robert joining in there creating it for you, how wonderful is that? You're known for your rebellion, aren't you? TOYAH: Yeah, I think my rebellion is slightly kinder (they both laugh) But yes, I just never conformed to this thing about age. I think age is a privilege. I think the fact we live so long is a privilege, but it doesn't mean that I diminish and I’m just totally against this attitude, especially within the music industry. I think it's improving in TV and film now but because a woman hits a certain age, she's no longer a sexually driven or desirable creature, and no longer has thoughts. That's changing but in the music business it's going to take a bit longer to do that. But thank goodness my audience and my generation still love what I do, and I always say to my audience the reason I'm standing on this stage is because of you. And it is you only so I'm really appreciative of that.

CAT: Yeah, I think that's a really great thing to say actually. We're still the same people even though we're ageing. Everybody's ageing. But there is this attitude against women, isn't there? And it's such a ridiculous concept that you're only desirable or you're only talented or whatever when you're young. It’s just bizarre ... TOYAH: Well, I mean obviously when we're young the energy is 10 times stronger. But I think the whole thing about growing old is we become better, we become enriched, we become deeper and that needs to be recognised and appreciated because we have so much to offer. We've been there, we've seen it. We've got the t-shirt. We know the warning signs. So we have just so much to give. I also think with the lockdown and everything with the internet being what it is, we've been able to explain ourselves a bit better because that's given us a platform. But musically I find that OK, I'm still Toyah. I still have my voice. I still sound like Toyah. Technically I'm a better singer than I have ever been because when I started out I was singing through pure will and ambition and determination. Now I'm technically a singer. I'm really, really good at what I do and I just don't want to not use that, it's a gift. When it comes to writing, my writing is clearer. And I don't feel under pressure to do 4 albums a year, which people would have had me do 42 years ago.

But the creativity and that flow, and the connection with my audience is very, very alive and I just don't want to be told that I should slow down. It's it's such a bizarre thing to be told when you can see your finite amount of time. I find myself speeding up and I'm trying to fill that time positively with the best work I can possibly do, because I know that is the memory I leave behind and memories have value.

CAT: Absolutely. It’s your legacy isn't it and that's really your purpose on this world is finite as you say, and to have something that you can in fact leave (which) is tangible and has touched so many people, it is absolutely wonderful. TOYAH: I know and I think prime examples of that is George Michael, Prince, Michael Jackson, Hendrix, Bowie. I mean, it's just such an example of the power of our lives. The power of our lives continue. So I really value the time I have. CAT: Yeah, I totally agree and it's great that you can actually tap into all that experience that you've had over the years and so your writing, for example, is possibly, as you say, more enriched because of it. TOYAH: Because experience, I just want my next album to be a danceable album. I wanna go out next year and perform music where you see tens of thousands of people dancing and dancing because I think we all need to just celebrate this together.

CAT: Yeah, you're right. And it's nice to hear that you are saying that you want to do something a little bit different with that. That's your sort of your trademark really. Progressing through the years, doing something different through the years. I mean, just even going back to the early days, having such amazing hairstyles and the make-up and everything was very of the moment grabbing it while you could, but you changed and moved with the times and I think that's really good.

TOYAH: Yeah. There's two reasons for this. I'm auditioning for movies virtually every day. An I can't send a film in because at the moment because we’re all self- taping. I can't do that if I've got pink hair. You can't send a film to a world class director if you look like a punk rocker and you're reading for woman from the 18th century. So I've I've had to kind of control my look and also I just didn't want to look or even attempt look how I did 42 years ago. It's not right. The only woman I know who can getaway with that is Sandra Rhodes because she is a designer. She's absolutely stunning. She's brilliant and that is her trademark. For me my trademark is energy and my voice so I just want to look good at 62. That's what I want. CAT: Yeah, absolutely. And don't you just, I have to say. I'm admiring your your your energy, your look and everything. You look wonderful to have to say. So I tell you what we're going to do. We're going to play “Sensational” just for you off your album “In The Court of The Crimson Queen” because you are. We will be right back in a moment.

CAT: (after the song) What I was going to talk about was about this idea of conformism and rebellion. Have you found that actually that has left you that feeling of wanting to rebel and you just held onto the energy and tapping into your experience? Or is there still something that you feel that you can rebel against? TOYAH: I feel as though I rebel every day and it's purely that kind of theme of agesism and again I also feel I rebel every day because since I got married 34 years ago I've always been the little woman at home in the eyes of men. I rebel against that all the time, so my rebellion is ongoing. It's slightly more sophisticated. I'm not a political person and I think where rebellion is very, very valuable is in the political field, but I just don't think that way. So my rebellion is is a lot more gentle, but it's definitely there and it's definitely a way of life. And part of that is I just will not conform to someone else's view of what a woman should be and that will always be with me. Apart from that I think within my work my rebellion is still there because again, I just don't think I can conform. I don't fit in and this started when I moved into the outside world at the age of four and a half and went to school, I just realised I was never going to quite fit in.

And if you're always a square peg trying to fit into a round hole, you're not in the right place. You find your place and for me it's by being observationally different. So I am just me and I won't kind of hone those edges ...

CAT: Yeah, I read some of the interviews you’ve obviously done before, saying you had like a violent childhood and you were sort of kicking back against everything. Do you look back at that now and think that you overreacted to things? Or was that just part and parcel of growing up and trying to hone this energy? TOYAH: OK, my background I wouldn't say was violent. It was mentally aggressive. It was psychologically cruel. So I didn't understand this until I was an adult. So my rebellion was I had to get out of that situation and I had to have my independence and that still remains. Whenever I feel trapped, that just still remains, I need my independence. It made me very solitary and distrusting. I'm a bit better on the trust front. My background was an all girls school where the clever, clever girls attacked the non-clever girls. Slight physical disability that amused many people a lot of the time.

My nickname was Hopalong and an exceptionally unkind mother who thought she was being kind. So my reaction was over the top, but it was my way of surviving so I think that's definitely made me what I am today. My mother and I reconciled in the last two years of her life, but even two weeks before she died we were having ferocious shouting matches. We were just not made for each other and that happened but we still loved each other. I held her as she died. So you can still experience love for someone that you just will never ever agree with. CAT: Personalities, isn't it? Everybody is an individual and you've got have your own life that you need to lead. And people need to recognise that and give freedom, don't they?

TOYAH: Yeah, but I would also say for anyone out there that nurture above everything is all that counts. If you have a child and your child pisses you off - nurture is the only thing that works. The only time I feel I've ever really had nurture is when I met my husband, who is phenomenal at nurture. And he's taught me so much about giving nurture back. It's a very, very powerful creative thing to do. And mean, I remember I phoned my mother in 1982 when I won Best Female Vocalist in what is now the Brit Awards (above). And she said, "well don't boast about, it will never happen again". And I ignored it ... and I explained what the award looks like. She says "don't fall on it - it will kill you. I mean, she did not have one good thing to say to me in 55 years. CAT: Sounds a bit like jealousy though, to be honest ... TOYAH: She had a similar background, I think something terrible happened to her when she was young. If she'd had therapy and could talk about it we would have got over it. But I am who I am because I have been in self-defence for so long.

I think that's made me feel a lot of empathy towards those I work with and towards my audience because I just realise how damaging negativity is and it's why I kind of don't engage personally on a daily level on social media as I've had so many years of just being pushed back all the time that my tolerance is non existent so I lose myself in my work and by bringing other people joy and that's my way of nurturing and it's hugely important to me. Hugely import. CAT: Yeah, sounds lovely. Part of that nurturing of course is releasing material, isn't it that you know that is going to partly be your legacy, but it sounds to me like it's important that it moves somebody emotionally as well?

TOYAH: Yeah, I think I definitely agree. I think it's very important when you're writing to be truthful to yourself, but also to remember someone is going to be listening to it and I feel very responsible about that. When I've written my most intensely emotional stuff – a song on my album last year “In The Court Of The Crimson Queen” is called “Dance In The Hurricane”, which is about the loss of my parents. And when that came out, the response was huge and I think it was just holding a mirror up and people seeing themselves. And there was recognition. So I think it's really important to write about things that help people recognise in themselves and it's taken me a long time to get there. A long time, which is why I'm pretty determined to keep writing. CAT: And in your tour with Hazel are you going to be touching upon some of this kind of material? What's that going to look like when people actually come to see you? TOYAH: I think my tour with Hazel is going be a non-stop party (they both laugh) Because of circumstance and everything. Hazel and I have a lot of hits and we both agree we’re doing the hits! But luckily my album last year was a hit so we will be doing “Dance In The Hurricane” and “Sensational” which was a single off it and other tracks. But I've had well over 14 Top 40 hits. They're gonna be in there and the same with Hazel.

So we've already rehearsed (below). I mean, obviously we're going to have to rehearse again. We didn't expect a 2 year break or whatever, so it will be our hits. Hazel wants to open because she works in a trio. And then my band will come on and work with her. There will be an interval, then I come on and that's nothing to do with star billing. It's just the way that the sonics work at the evening. And then Hazel and I do a set together and it's going to be absolutely wonderful. It it is going to be riotous.

CAT: It sounds amazing. I can't wait to see it actually, I have to say, you're sold out but you must put more dates on because people are going to be listening to this thinking I've got to go to that! TOYAH: There will be tickets available because obviously we're rescheduling so everyone that's got tickets those tickets are valid, but if you can't make the date we're rescheduled to those tickets become available so it's all on my website toyahwilcox.com, two L's in Willcox. All the information and the updates are there. So if you want to come, look at the venue and see if they have availability. Because this is a very fluid experience. Everything is changing weekly so just keep informed. CAT: Yeah, keep an eye there and in the meantime they can of course buy your DVD anthology for Toyah and The Humans, can't they?

TOYAH: On the 3rd of July Toyah and The Humans is a 3 CD box set that's also going to have accompanying vinyl coming out as well. This is my very experimental art rock band with Bill Rieflin, who was the drummer in REM. It's three albums that we made together. The first album is very stripped down. I wanted to do music that was completely stripped bare and then the second album “Sugar Rush” is really rocky and it’s phenomenal. And then the third album “Strange Tales” is melodic and beautiful. And so the whole 3 albums is a kind of harmonic journey. Also out at the moment is Toyah "Solo” and that is albums that I have released since about 1985 and that is a beautiful package. So that is “Minx”, “Desire”, “Ophelia’s Shadow”, Take The Leap!, Velvet Lined Shell”. That's a real fan collector’s piece and also we've got “In The Court of The Crismon Queen”, so there's a lot going on. All those are on Demon, which is part of the BBC and then next year all my early albums come out. So it's kind of a huge year for me. We've got “Blue Meaning”, “Anthem”, “Sheep Farming In Barnet”, “Toyah! Toyah! Toyah!”, “The Changeling”. They’re all being re-released.

CAT: Wow, that's brilliant. And what a treat for everybody to actually be able to get their hands on those and they look amazing from what I’ve seen and also you're doing some vinyl as well, aren't you?

TOYAH: The vinyl is beautiful. Everything that I'm rereleasing is multi coloured and the vinyls are just gorgeous! Every colour in the spectrum. There's quite a lot of vinyl out there. “In The Court Of The Crimson Queen” has crimson vinyl. Toyah “Solo” each CD has a different colour of the CD. With The Humans you've got a beautiful deep egg yolk yellow. You've got a wonderful kind of chaki bright olive green and then you've got a wonderful purple colour for “Strange Tales”. It is just the most beautiful packaging. CAT: I wouldn't expect anything less from you, Toyah. Let's be honest, you’re colourful in every single way. It's absolutely wonderful. So I think people need to go on your website and have a look at all that, because there's plenty to see. Plenty to watch and obviously with you on social media is very entertaining as well. TOYAH: And there's also a lovely website which is a fan site. It’s an archive site called toyah.net and that's phenomenal. Davie, who runs that knows more about me than I do. He knows when I'm about to do TV before I know it ... He really is ahead of the game and I love that website. So you’ve got toyahwillcox.com and toyah.net if you really want to stay informed that's all you need see

CAT: It's all there for the taking, isn’t it? It's been a pleasure speaking to you, you’re an absolute sensation, let’s say it that way and I'm sure this is going to be a very very popular interview. So can't wait to see you when you're on tour again. I'll be there. TOYAH: Thank you! CAT: Have a lovely day and stay safe! TOYAH: OK, bye for now! CAT: Take care, bye bye! You can listen to the interview here

#toyah #toyah willcox #toyahwillcox #toyah2020 #toyah 2020 #toyah interview #toyahinterview #podcast #the toyah willcox interview archive #thetoyahwillcoxinterviewarchive

0 notes

msclaritea · 6 years

Text

~Napoleon, Nietzsche & TFP~

A Study In Holmesian Iconoclasm: Masks & Images P.2

This is the final part of a series that looked into the canon story The Six Napoleons, resulting in mary-resurrects-lucretia & sherlock-on-the-ocean-when-neitzsche-wept. In the story, someone is running around, smashing Napoleon busts. Strange enough, but even more so when you find out that this has all happened before. Arthur Conan Doyle was masterful, it seems, at embedding real-life people and true tales of History in the Holmes stories. Iconoclasm is the social belief in the importance of the destruction of usually religious icons and other images or monuments, most frequently for religious or political reasons…In Political and revolutionary iconoclasm, revolutions, and changes of regime, whether through uprising of the local population, foreign invasion, or a combination of both, are often accompanied by the public destruction of statues and monuments identified with the previous regime.

During the French Revolution, the statue of Napoleon on the column at Place Vendôme, Paris was the target of iconoclasm several times: destroyed after the Bourbon Restoration, and during the Paris Commune.

Napoleon loomed large as a political figure in the 19th century. The artists of subsequent periods were a mix of elevating his image…or smashing it. Napoleonic Iconoclasm is an actual known trope, as he evolved into a mythical figure during the Romantic Period.

“Such a fact must tell against the theory that the man who breaks them is influenced by any general hatred of Napoleon. Considering how many hundreds of statues of the great Emperor must exist in London, it is too much to suppose such a coincidence as that a promiscuous iconoclast should chance to begin upon three specimens of the same bust.“

The Adventure of The Six Napoleons touches on true political history, and the image of Napoleon intertwines with the enduring quality of Holmes. Moriarty was not called ‘The Napoleon of Crime’, for nothing. He was created as a nemesis to Holmes; his mirror image, for his eventual death. But whereas Moriarty died, Sherlock Holmes, like Napoleon, was ‘banished’, only to return, and be celebrated, while once again, taking control of ACD’s career.

“Privately, he has become something of a villain, over time, tyrannically taking control of Doyle’s writing, and his endlessly-replicated heroic figure invited smashing.” This quote, from The Secret Marriage of Sherlock Holmes: "Shattering the pedestrian image of reason is Holmes’s great iconoclastic gift.“ "His reasoning is obsessive, impulsive, unpredictable, astonishing.” Holmes displays much enthusiasm and dramatic flair in The Six Thatchers, and “When the blow of the riding crop shatters the image so long sought, and reveals the pearl inside, all subsequent explanations seem a footnote. That blow is this story’s symbolic representation of reason’s power, and that single gesture sums up the transvaluation (re-evaluating of the values) of reason’s image that Sherlock Holmes has wrought.“ It’s part of my theory that BBC Sherlock is engaging Holmesian Iconoclasm; in a literary sense, breaking the man down to his most basic parts, taking him into dark places in an experiment of re-integration, using the teachings of Nietzsche in Season 4, as a way of aligning his moral code for the world we live in now. What ARE the sum of his parts?

The Question: Sherlock and Theseus’s Paradox by Dennis O’ Neil

"An Ancient Greek named Theseus…builds a ship. Over time the ship needs repairs and pieces of it have to be replaced and finally everything has been replaced. Not a single splinter of the original craft remains. Which brings us to what is known in some circles as Theseus’s Paradox. We ask: Is the ship our man Theseus ends with the same one that he built years earlier?”

In The Beginning: Birth & The Bi-Part Soul

Below is an excerpt from a thesis The Influence of Duality and Poe’s Notion of the Bi-Part Soul’ on the Genesis of Detective Fiction in the Nineteenth-Century by Stephanie Craighill. It is a lengthy, beautiful piece on the genesis of the creation of what we refer to as the Mirrors. Like Nietzsche, Poe and Doyle held strong belief in Duality/Dualism/Balance, and used that belief, NOT just when structuring characters, but the stories themselves.

"Observing him in these moods, I often dwelt meditatively upon the old philosophy of the Bi-Part Soul and amused myself with the fancy of a double Dupin; the creative and the resolvent." Poe‘s explicit reference to the double‘ directly intertwines with the theme of duality which resonates throughout the Gothic novel and the Romantic Movement in nineteenth century fiction; this paradigm is evident in texts such as Johann Wolfgang von Goethe‘s Faust, Mary Shelley‘s Frankenstein…This motif has been extensively examined by scholars and has been defined using numerous but vague classifications which include the fictional double‘, the evil twin‘, the alter ego‘, the antithetical self‘, the fragmentation of self into dual‘ and the twin soul‘. Dupin reproaches the Prefect of the Parisian police for being too cunning to be profound‘,

(which mirrors the game of chess where what is complex is mistaken for what is profound‘. The detective, also, rebukes the Prefect‘s wisdom‘ for being all head and no body‘ which relates to the detective‘s earlier supposition that the ingenious are always fanciful, and the truly imaginative never otherwise than analytic‘ The Prefect‘s reasoning is too fanciful‘ to be successful. It is through the combined use of both aspects of the Bi Part Soul‘, the head‘ and the body‘ and their associated faculties of the imagination and reason, that the detective was able to outwit his opponent.)

Duality is implicit in the structure and characterization of The Murders in the Rue Morgue‘. It is visible in the tale‘s twin plot, the divided self which is the narrator and Dupin, the doubling of the criminals, victims and detective and most prominently the detective‘s creative and resolvent‘ Bi-Part Soul‘. Dupin‘s dual psychology is associated with moral ambiguity and a blurring of boundaries which, consequently, has shaped a compelling psychosomatic template for a genre of multifaceted and complex detective protagonists. Holmes‘ inherent dualism is summarised by Iain Sinclair and Ed Glinert who state that: Holmes is the classically divided man that the age required: alchemist and rigorous experimenter, furious walker and definitive slacker, athlete and dope fiend. He could, as the mood took him, be Trappist or motor mouth … Holmes is forever lurching between incompatible polarities. From the beginning Holmes was a double figure, first in himself as the mixture of scientist and poet and even more significantly in the double figure of Sherlock Holmes Doctor Watson‘. Conan Doyle‘s implicit doubling of Poe‘s detective trilogy extends further; like Dupin who doubles the criminals in The Murders in the Rue Morgue‘ and the thief Minister D. in The Purloined Letter‘, Holmes represents a doppelgänger for his arch nemesis, the criminal mastermind Professor Moriarty. Moriarty only directly appears in two of the sixty Holmes accounts; in the short story The Final Problem‘ and the novella The Valley of Fear, though he is mentioned in a selection of the other narratives. In these two accounts we learn that Moriarty shares a number of common characteristics with Holmes. He is of similar physical appearance, has a phenomenal mathematical faculty‘, is a genius, a philosopher, an abstract thinker‘ and a scientific criminal‘ Moriarty conforms to the same Bi-Part‘ mould as the detectives Holmes and Dupin; he is both reasoned and artistic. In The Final Problem‘ Holmes refers to Moriarty as the organiser of half that is evil. Moriarty could characterize an inversion of the values embodied by Holmes‘ and, as a result, the criminal represents the detective‘s doppelgänger who is equipped with an identical skill set but motivated by an evil purpose."

Context: Paralleling the Works of Nietzsche and Sherlock

Out of the night that covers me, Black as the pit from pole to pole, I thank whatever gods may be For my unconquerable soul.

Thus Spake Zarathustra: Sherlock On The Ocean:

"The above piece was written in 1875 by William Ernest Henley. Perhaps most famous is Henley’s closing statement: “I am the master of my fate:/I am the captain of my soul.” The poem is a declaration of the triumph of the human spirit - the refusal to bend to a universe Henley called “a place of wrath and tears. Holmes was an unprecedented sort of hero. Emerging from a culture enthralled by scientific progress, he was a superhero who relied almost entirely on his powers of deduction…Holmes was and is the sensationalized personification of Henley’s captain of the soul. His powers of deduction are presented as the triumph of reason, a triumph open to all of humanity if we’d only try a little harder. In this way, Sherlock Holmes is Nietzsche’s “superman” (a term coined in Thus Spake Zarathustra, written a few years before A Study in Scarlet). He is the moral, observational and logical evolution of mankind.

The Übermensch is Nietzsche’s concept of the ideal, and it can translate to overman, superman, above human, and probably some other things. The Übermensch doesn’t have incredible physical abilities. Instead, his power is mental and spiritual. The greatest power in the world, according to Nietzsche, is freedom, and I’m about to make a huge and tragic over-simplification of Nietzsche’s theory as to what that means. It is that complete human freedom is achieved by radically breaking with all forms of guilt, shame, and external authority. It combines many qualities of a completely naïve and fearless toddler with those of an experienced and wise elder."

Sherlock: Isn't that...one of those Law things?

"In the first or second episode a minor character calls him a sociopath, and the show really delves into the question of what actually makes Holmes and Moriarty (a really evil criminal who is as good at crime as Holmes is at solving crimes) different from each other aside from pure occupational interests. The sociopath comment was my first clue. Critics of Nietzsche’s philosophy have always contended that his Übermensch would really be a sociopath who just looks out for number one. What is useful in making the connection between Sherlock Holmes and Nietzsche’s work is that I think the Holmes series provides a picture into how the Übermensch doesn’t necessarily play out as a sociopath.“

"He can’t stand the boredom of the day to day, the absurd. And it is just like any good German existentialist to value present experience over the longevity of life. Furthermore, he is completely open about his habit with Dr. Watson, who is initially very concerned. His openness about it shows that Holmes gives no credibility to prescriptions other than his own as to what constitutes a good life.

His passion happens to be for forensic science, or the “science of deduction,” as Holmes calls it. The key, though, is that he throws everything he has got into what he truly cares about, leaving no room for time wasters like social obligations, civic engagement, parties, etc. Dr. Watson even finds that Holmes isn’t aware that the Earth revolves around the sun, since it has no use for his forensic studies.”

“There is an old illusion—it is called good and evil. Around soothsayers and astrologers hath hitherto revolved the orbit of this illusion.

Once did one believe in soothsayers and astrologers; and therefore did one believe, "Everything is fate: thou shalt, for thou must!”

Then again did one distrust all soothsayers and astrologers; and therefore did one believe, “Everything is freedom: thou canst, for thou willest!”

O my brethren, concerning the stars and the future there hath hitherto been only illusion, and not knowledge; and therefore concerning good and evil there hath hitherto been only illusion and not knowledge!" Thus Spake Zarathustra

”On Nietzsche: While most of his contemporaries looked on the late nineteenth century with unbridled optimism, confident in the progress of science and the rise of the German state, Nietzsche saw his age facing a fundamental crisis in values. With the rise of science, the Christian worldview no longer held a prominent explanatory role in people’s lives, a view Nietzsche captures in the phrase “God is dead.” However, science does not introduce a new set of values to replace the Christian values it displaces. Nietzsche rightly foresaw that people need to identify some source of meaning and value in their lives, and if they could not find it in science, they would turn to aggressive nationalism and other such salves. The last thing Nietzsche would have wanted was a return to traditional Christianity, however. Instead, he sought to find a way out of nihilism through the creative and willful affirmation of life.“

The Gay Science: Nietzsche’s first consideration of the idea of the eternal recurrence

“What if some day or night a demon were to steal after you into your loneliest loneliness and say to you: ‘This life as you now live it and have lived it, you will have to live once more and innumerable times more’ […] Would you not throw yourself down and gnash your teeth and curse the demon who spoke thus? Or have you once experienced a tremendous moment when you would have answered him: 'You are a god and never have I heard anything more divine.”

This was one of the themes of Shakespeare’s No Fear Sonnets 1-60, some of which have been found embedded and acted out in the show. 59 is heavy with this theme and found in The Six Thatchers. “Not only does Nietzsche posit that the universe is recurring over infinite time and space, but that the different versions of events that have occurred in the past may at one point or another take place again, hence "all configurations that have previously existed on this earth must yet meet…” And with each version of events is hoping that some knowledge or awareness is gained to better the individual, hence “And thus it will happen one day that a man will be born again, just like me and a woman will be born, just like Mary—only that it is hoped to be that the head of this man may contain a little less foolishness…”

The Antichrist, originally published in 1895

MARY: Hm. Now you’d think we’d have noticed, when she was born. JOHN: Hm? Noticed what? MARY: The little 666 on her forehead. JOHN: Hmhmhm, that’s The Omen. MARY: (lifts her head to look at him with a frown, stays like that though John’s entire answer) So? JOHN: Well, you said it was like The Exorcist. They’re two different things. You can’t be the Devil and the Antichrist.

“Nietzsche writes scathingly about Christianity, arguing that it is fundamentally opposed to life. In Christian morality, Nietzsche sees an attempt to deny all those characteristics that he associates with healthy life. The concept of sin makes us ashamed of our instincts and our sexuality, the concept of faith discourages our curiosity and natural skepticism, and the concept of pity encourages us to value and cherish weakness. Furthermore, Christian morality is based on the promise of an afterlife, leading Christians to devalue this life in favor of the beyond. Nietzsche argues that Christianity springs from resentment for life and those who enjoy it, and it seeks to overthrow health and strength with its life-denying ethic. As such, Nietzsche considers Christianity to be the hated enemy...Christianity is called the religion of pity. Pity stands opposed to the tonic emotions which heighten our vitality: it has a depressing effect. We are deprived of strength when we feel pity. That loss of strength which suffering as such inflicts on life is still further increased and multiplied by pity. Pity makes suffering contagious."

Sherlock: This hospital is full of people dying, doctor, why don’t you go and cry by their bedsides, see what good it does.

Nietzsche claimed that the Christian religion and its morality are based on imaginary fictions. Concept of morality is falsified. Morality is no longer an expression of life and growth. Instead, morality opposes life by presenting well–being as a dangerous temptation. Priestly agitators “… interpret all good fortune as a reward, all misfortune as punishment for disobedience of God, for 'sin,’…The sacred book formulates the will of God and specifies what is to be given to the priests. Priests become parasites.”…All things of life are so ordered that the priest is everywhere indispensable; at all the natural events of life, at birth, marriage, sickness, death. Not to speak of 'sacrifice’ (meal–times)…Natural values become utterly valueless. The priest sanctifies and bestows all value. Disobedience of God (the priest) is 'sin.’ Subjection to God (the priest) is redemption. Priests use 'sin’ to gain and hold power.

Sherlock: …And contrast is, after all, God’s own plan to enhance the beauty of his creation. Or it would be if God were not a ludicrous fantasy designed to provide a career opportunity for the family idiot.

*Interesting footnote about the first part of this statement. Goethe, from whom Nietzche gets the word Ubermensch, apparently actually invented the Color Wheel. THIS video shows how he used light, shadow and a color to enhance the beauty of another.

“The Truth’s Boring!”

“Nietzsche is critical of the very idea of objective truth. That we should think there is only one right way of considering a matter is only evidence that we have become inflexible in our thinking. Such intellectual inflexibility is a symptom of saying “no” to life, a condition that Nietzsche abhors. A healthy mind is flexible and recognizes that there are many different ways of considering a matter. There is no single truth but rather many.”

“Because You’re an Idiot”

"Nietzsche thought that the word idiot best described Jesus. According to Walter Kaufmann, he might have been referring to the naïve protagonist of Dostoyevsky’s book The Idiot. “The fable of Christ as miracle–worker and redeemer is not the origin of Christianity..Jesus did not want to redeem anyone. He wanted to show how to live. His legacy was his bearing and behavior. He did not resist evildoers. He loved evildoers. Nietzsche claimed that the Christian faith as practised was not a proper representation of Jesus’ teachings, as it forced people merely to believe in the way of Jesus but not to act as Jesus did, in particular his example of refusing to judge people, something that Christians had constantly done the opposite of."

Human, All Too Human: On Becoming

JOHN: Don’t pretend you’re not enjoying this. SHERLOCK (not looking round): Hmm? JOHN: Being back. Being a hero again. SHERLOCK: Oh, don’t be stupid. JOHN: You’d have to be an idiot not to see it. You love it. SHERLOCK (turning to face him): Love what? JOHN: Being Sherlock Holmes. SHERLOCK: I don’t even know what that’s supposed to mean.

"Nietzsche wrote that Heraclitus "will remain eternally right with his assertion that being is an empty fiction”. Nietzsche developed the vision of a chaotic world in perpetual change and becoming. The state of becoming does not produce fixed entities, such as being, subject, object, substance, thing. Ephesus, who in the sixth century BC, said that nothing in this world is constant except change and becoming." Sherlock, at this point, is still in a state of becoming.

"Reptile!"

"But wherever ye would ascend with me, O my brethren, take care lest a parasite ascend with you! A parasite: that is a reptile, a creeping, cringing reptile, that trieth to fatten on your infirm and sore places. And this is its art: it divineth where ascending souls are weary, in your trouble and dejection, in your sensitive modesty, doth it build its loathsome nest.”

“Enemy” shall ye say but not “villain,” “invalid” shall ye say but not “wretch,” “fool” shall ye say but not “sinner.”

And thou, red judge, if thou would say audibly all thou hast done in thought, then would every one cry: “Away with the nastiness and the virulent reptile!” Thus Spake Zarathustra

Why All The Pain? The Birth of Tragedy

“Artistic creation depends on a tension between two opposing forces, which Nietzsche terms the “Apollonian” and the “Dionysian.”

"Apollo was the god of light, reason, harmony, balance and prophesy, while Dionysus was the god of wine, revelry, ecstatic emotion and tragedy.

Nietzsche uses this duality for discussing the artistic process which relate to either Apollo or Dionysus. Apollo and Dionysus symbols of this duality which he further distinguishes with the terms of “dreams” and “drunkenness.” For Nietzsche, dreams represent the realm of beautiful forms and symbols, an orderly place of light and reason. Drunkenness, on the other hand, is that state of wild passions where the boundaries between "self" and "other" dissolve. (This may strike as odd, but Nietzsche seems to make the assumption that, when dreaming, one is aware of the fact that one is dreaming and so still able to separate appearance from reality. I believe that he would claim those who are entirely caught up in their dreams are experiencing Dionysian ecstasy, not Apollonian beauty.)"

Meet Nihilism

”The nihilist believes in nothing, has no loyalties and has no purpose in life. Some are left with only an impulse to destroy.“

EURUS: Am I being punished? MAN (offscreen, faintly): You’ve been bad. EURUS (almost sing-song): There’s no such thing as ‘bad.’ MAN (offscreen): What about good? EURUS: Good and bad are fairytales. We have evolved to attach an emotional significance to what is nothing more than the survival strategy of the pack animal. We are conditioned to invest divinity in utility. Good isn’t really good, evil isn’t really wrong, and bottoms aren’t really pretty. You are a prisoner of your own meat. MAN (offscreen): Why aren’t you? EURUS (raising her head and looking directly into the camera as she speaks the words slowly and clearly): I’m too clever.

"Moral nihilism, also known as ethical nihilism, is the meta-ethical view that morality does not exist as something inherent to objective reality; therefore no action is necessarily preferable to any other. For example, a moral nihilist would say that killing someone, for whatever reason, is not inherently right or wrong. Nietzsche characterized nihilism as emptying the world and especially human existence of meaning, purpose, comprehensible truth, or essential value."

Eurus is most definitely a Sherlock mirror; a Bi-Part Soul. She doesn’t even know 'if something’s beautiful or not; only right’. Eurus is pure Nihilism. A Brain without a heart; an actual calculating machine, attempting to show that making a supposed 'morally-right decision can actually create the opposite result, so that moral codes don’t matter. She used tests, like sherlocks-paradox, tests he has been put through before. As we witness, Sherlock succeeds.

This is still the same journey many have pointed out, just using the Nietzschean Method to do so. Growing from a great man…a Superman into a good one; flawed and very much human, with a Moral Code to match.

"Friedrich Nietzsche believed that the corrosive effects of nihilism would end up destroying all moral constructs, religions, and metaphysical convictions...that nihilism would be the most corrosive force in history.”

Fun Note: On Mustaches & Military Kinks

“Nietzsche lived with the mustache most of his adult life, and it represented for him the military life. He served briefly in the military, and always held certain admiration for military discipline. In him we get a sense that the military attitude is very important towards living a proper, fulfilling life. If you ask most people what does Nietzsche look like, what they will immediately say is: ‘oh that’s the guy with the huge mustache’. And if you ask: ‘well, what about the eyes? the nose? what about the chin? what about the hair?’ They will probably draw a blank. And Nietzsche himself points out that when you see someone with a big handsome mustache, what they see is: the mustache. It is a mask, it allowed Nietzsche in effect to hide.”

To conclude, through the eyes of Nietzsche, the show is smashing the previous images of Sherlock Holmes, using the Philosopher’s works, in addition to Freud and Josef Breuer, to take him through a journey of self-discovery, and yes, love. Given the strong hints to a troubled childhood and suppression of feelings, the philosophies of these men, together, are employed, just as presented in When Nietzsche Wept. This meta cannot even begin to cover the full scope of Nietzshe’s works or his strong influence on the blueprint of Sherlock Holmes. His presence is found throughout canon; sometimes, in the form of other characters. I will say that Nietzche’s ideas are many, profound and important. Considering his influence on Arthur Conan Doyle, and Sherlock Holmes, who has in turn, been so important to 21st century, in many fields, Friedrich Nietzsche should always be held in high regard. Not bad for a guy who in the good old days would have been labelled a Heretic, and burned at the stake. So maybe he’s right; we can be better.

“I know my fate. One day my name will be associated with the memory of something tremendous — a crisis without equal on earth, the most profound collision of conscience, a decision that was conjured up against everything that had been believed, demanded, hallowed so far. I am no man, I am dynamite. Ecco Homo

(Don’t you just love some of his book titles?)

Read also the-reptile-in-221b & sherlock-denying-the-devil

@brilliantorinsane @simpleanddestructivechemistry @shylockgnomes @possiblyimbiassed @raggedyblue @rinkagaminesstuff @artfulkindoforder @radogost @asherlockstudy @fellshish @multivariate-madness @madzither @yorkiepug @loveismyrevolution @consultingidiots @tjlcisthenewsexy

Full text of Thus Spake Zarathustra

X X X X X X X X X X X

#Napoleon Nietzsche & TFP Meta #Threads #1895 #The Ubermensche #Josef Breuer #Freud #Nietzsche/Sherlock Parallels #Holmesian Iconoclasm #I'm Done!

71 notes · View notes

film-in-my-soul · 7 years

Text

Coffee? - Bill Denbrough/Stanley Uris

Based off THIS POST - I loved them so much I needed to make a fic for it.

Pairing: Bill Denbrough/Stanley Uris (so much side Benverly, like yeah they are a big part of this XD)

Word Count: 9,700ish

Warnings: None

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Thanks to these lovely people!

@sunnydenbrough for allowing me to use their headcaonons.

@wyattghouleff for betaing this monster for me.

@jaedcnwesley for helping me choose “Mr. Stan.”

Read under the cut cause it’s super long!

Bill Denbrough received the call around six in the morning while he was practically curled over his typewriter, spine aching in a way that told him he had been working on his new (first) novel far too long even though he’d only been up since four. Sleep was not something he found easily obtainable, not since he was fourteen years old. So, in the end, he didn’t try to fight the times when he woke up and there was still inky blackness covering the sky, he simply turned it into a time where he could write or do other work that needed to get finished. Fighting it seemed pointless as it never helped in the long run.

The call had startled him so bad that he clacked three wrong letters into the paper and cursed. He would have to start the whole line over again. He knew that doing his writing on a typewriter was beyond old school but it relaxed him and made his words flow like a laptop never had, there was a calming sensation in the sounds his typewriter made when he pressed ink to paper. He remembered the moment he unwrapped the sleek machine. He'd wanted to cry over finally being able to really start working on his career at age sixteen.

By the third ring of his cell phone, Bill knew he couldn't ignore it.

Shuffling around the room Bill was practically blindly searching for it, of course, that probably had to do with the only light illuminating his bedroom was his desk lamp. The sun didn't start to rise until six thirty at the earliest now that it was getting closer and closer to a real Derry winter. November starting to creep in as October wound down.

Bill managed to find the damn thing two rings before he knew it would just drop the call to voicemail. He was a little out of breath by the time he swiped up on the screen, Bev’s icon flashing her and Ben’s smiling face.

“Hey Bev, w-what’s up?” Even at twenty-four years old Bill’s stutter was still there, not as strong and never as bad from when he was a child. There were still certain words and syllables his mouth just didn’t want to wrap around though. He had accepted that a long time ago and made sure to work a bit harder to force the words so that they sounded clear and whole.

There had barely been a beat between his words and Bev's. It was like Bev was going to speak first whether or not Bill had said anything.

“I need a favor.”

There had been a point in Bill’s life where he thought he and Beverly Marsh would fall in love and get married. They'd have a perfect little life with a white picket fence, two-point-five kids and modest jobs in the suburbs. Then he’d gotten to know her, really know her, not only as the beautiful girl from the school play whom he’d gotten to kiss but the rough and tumble, take no shit, partly fractured human that she was. It had been eye-opening in a way he’d never expected as a thirteen-year-old.

He had realized through their friendship that somewhere along the line of being “in love” with Bev he’d idolized her to the point where in his eyes she was something different than who she was. Getting to know the version of her that wasn’t masked by rose-tinted glasses had brought so much to the surface of who he was and ultimately who Beverly Marsh was, Bill knew he would be eternally grateful to the girl who had single-handedly changed his life.

“Depends on what it is.” Bill could practically feel Bev roll her eyes on the other end of the phone. He was mostly kidding, short of murdering someone Bill would always be willing to help Beverly when she asked and the women knew it just as much as he did.

“I know it’s probably inconvenient but Ben’s got this big project coming up at the college so he’s been leaving really early and I’ve gotta pick up some morning shifts at the restaurant to cover for Marcy until she’s off maternity. I just need someone to drop June off at school today until I can get some kind of babysitter to do it for the next couple months…” Beverly rambled on and Bill smiled.

“Bev,” Bill tried to cut her off. An almost impossible task once she really got going.

“I know that you’re busy with your book and the newspaper and it’s not your responsibility Billy but-”

“Bev!” It had been loud enough to cut the women off, Bill smiled even wider in uncontrollable fondness, “of c...course I’ll t-take June to school.” Bill loved little June Hanscom, like Bev, he was willing to do almost anything for the little girl. Most likely including murder.

June had been a completely unplanned dream come true for the young Beverly and Ben, though at the time of actually finding out Bev had been a horrible mess. At barely eighteen Bill had needed to comfort a distraught Bev as she held a positive pregnancy test in her hands, shaking horribly on the chipped bathroom tiles of Bill’s bathroom floor. She was so sure in those first moments of shocked understanding that she was going to be a horrible mother or that Ben would be upset with her when really it was both of their faults that it’d happened. Bill and Bev both knew that Ben could never get mad at her but at the time, in Beverly's eyes, it had been a real possibility.

Only when Bill had whispered into her hair, arms snaked around her middle, hugging the shaking girl to his chest, that she’d be a perfect mom, so strong and understanding and that Ben probably wanted nothing more than to have kids with her, did Bev calm down enough to really take in the fact that there was a little human growing inside of her. Bill had watched with pride as she threw her pack of smokes into the trash, crumpled up by her fist. More determined than ever to quit now that it wasn't just her lungs at risk.

He had been there when she'd told Ben. Bill didn’t think he’d ever seen his friend so overjoyed in the years he’d known him. The moment had been beautiful, Ben dropping to his knees to hug Bev's stomach, pressing kisses and words into the skin of her belly for a baby that couldn't even hear him yet.

Then, eight and a half months later, little June came screaming and wiggling into the world. Bill, of course, had been named as her godfather right away, forever to be known as Uncle Billy to the little girl swathed in towels, cradled in Bev’s arms. Bill still swears that he hadn’t cried over the news.

Bill had yet to miss a birthday, Christmas, or bi-weekly Sunday brunch at the restaurant Bev worked at since.

“Billiam Denbrough, you’re my hero.” Bill laughed at the name and voice Bev chose to use and shook his head in amusement.

“W...when sh-should I be there?” Bill asked, casting his gaze around his messy room for the alarm clock he'd probably knocked off his side table while tossing and turning in his sleep. It hung by the cord, suspended on the edge of the small wooden table, reading closer to six-thirty now. Bill looked out his window to see the sun finally rising over the horizon and bringing additional light into his previously dark room.

“Well school starts at eight-thirty and I know it’ll take you about twenty minutes to get here and I’ll make you some breakfast for your troubles,” Bill wanted to interrupt Bev and state that it was really no trouble at all, he loved June but once Bev made her mind up about something Bill had learned to just let her do it, “so I’m thinking if you’re here by at least seven-thirty it shouldn’t be too bad.” Bill nodded to himself even though he knew that Bev couldn't see him.

“That sounds guh-good, I’ll be there around t-then.”

“Thank’s again Bill,” he could practically see the stress falling off her shoulders. Bev had never liked relying on others much so Bill understood how much she'd likely agonized over calling him for help, regardless of their deep friendship.

“No worries Bev.”

They said their goodbyes and Bill swiped down on his screen to end the call. Looking around the room Bill sighed, he was spending too much time on his typewriter it seemed. Only the area around his desk and desk chair seemed to be in a semblance of order, everything else was covered in clothes or crumpled up sheets of paper. If Bev had come over instead of simply calling him he knew she'd have had some words to give him about the mess he was letting himself fall into.

He'd worry about that later.

Having some time to get ready Bill placed his phone down and searched for the charger, putting his phone on it before he headed toward his small bathroom for a warm shower. Perhaps, he thought, it would help to ease the screaming in his shoulders from the hunched position he'd been in for the greater portion of the morning.

By the time it was seven o’clock Bill had showered, dried and dressed in one of his many red plaid flannels and a pair of dark wash jeans. His hair constantly hanging limply above his right eye and Bill didn't have the presence of mind to do much about fixing it. Bill double checked all the lights were off in his apartment and made sure to grab his jacket, brown and heavy from beside his door, his keys and phone both in his pocket, before leaving to head out to Bev and Ben’s.

They no longer lived in Derry but really they might as well have considering they lived just barely over the edge of town, almost right on the border between Derry and Halsey. Regardless, not being in Derry must have still felt like not being in Derry.

Bill lived on the outskirts of town as well but still within its boundaries. Something had never felt right about leaving the town behind like he’d wanted to so badly when he was younger. He realized now that it had likely been the fact that Georgie had died in the town and leaving might mean leaving his memory behind.

Bill shook the thought from his head, he didn’t need to sink into one of his moods, not when he was going to see some of his favorite people.

Bill stepped up into his old jeep and turned the key in the ignition, heaving a sigh of relief when it didn’t click for too long and turned over. Working part-time for the local newspaper didn’t pay too much and neither did publishing short stories, both of which he did as much as possible between working on his book. If his car broke down for good Bill wasn’t even sure if he could convince Mike to raise it from the dead one more time.

Like Bev predicted it took Bill a little over twenty minutes to get from his apartment to her and Ben’s modest home. The front gate surrounding their mostly well-kept lawn was metal and the chainlink was bent in some places, crabgrass was sprouting up around the areas that couldn't be reached easily by hand. There were a few toys strewn about, a broken peddle truck laying on its side and a soccer ball that had been left there from when Bill had played with June a few weeks prior. Just seeing the chipped paint of the front door made Bill smile with all of the familiarity.

He was barely out of his jeep and on the porch when the door was thrown open and a little girl was racing out of the house, small body colliding with Bill’s legs, arms wrapping around his knees, threatening to unbalance him and take them both down. Thankfully Bill was used to the occurrence and had been prepared enough that he was able to keep himself upright.

“Uncle Billy!” was the cheer muffled into his thighs as the little girl rocked them back and forth in her excitement. Bill’s lips curled into a grin as he looked down at the slightly chubby, curly haired girl. June looked so much like Ben it was crazy, but she always had a knowing glint in her eyes and the freckles dashed across her nose and cheeks were tell-tale signs that she was just as much Bev’s daughter as Ben’s.

Bill reached down, scooping the girl into his arms, heavy at five years old but still light enough that Bill didn’t have much trouble keeping her on his hip and in his arms. Bev was leaned against the frame of the open door, shirt crisp and white tucked into black pants, a fancy name tag over her left breast pocket. She had grown her hair out from when she’d hacked the majority of it off in her youth, now it hung around her shoulders in waves of orange.

Bill stepped up to her and Bev placed a kiss on his cheek in place of a greeting.

“Thank you so much, Bill, I promise I’ll work on getting someone to do this more permanently when I get home.” Bill rolled his eyes and stepped into the house past his friend, not bothering to correct her right away that he would be more than able to take June when needed.

Inside was neat and tidy, the front room off to the left and the kitchen to the right. At the dining table, just off the mouth of the kitchen sat two plates with waffles and bacon, orange juice in glasses across from them.

“I t-told you, Bev, it’s fine, I don’t muh-mind,” Bill turned to the girl in his arms, “do I Junebug?” June shook her head in a confirming no. Bev strolled in past the two and grabbed her handbag and keys.

“Regardless, thank you.” Bev touched his arm, the expression on her face sincere before she leaned down to be eye level with her daughter. “Can I get a kiss to get me through the day?” June made a show of thinking about it before removing her arms from around Bill’s neck to grab her mom’s face in order to smack her lips against Bev’s cheek loudly. Bev smiled and kissed June’s forehead before backstepping to the front door, mouthing another thank you to Bill as she left.

Once the door was closed and Bill heard the sound of Beverly pulling out of the driveway he moved over to the breakfast table and placed June in her seat, marked easily by the transformers placemat while Bill’s was just a simple tablecloth.

June was a surprising kind of child, easily excitable like most, rambunctious and full of energy, but there were moments when she was simply silent, observant in ways that would put most people off. June was smart, and it showed in how she took the time to think before speaking, or in the way that she could do most of her work by herself, how she was already in kindergarten but younger than all of the other students by a year, five while they were all six. Bill sometimes forgot just how young she actually was when sat across from her.

They ate together in a silence that was comfortable until Bill thought of something to say.

“So, you r-ready for a day at school?”

June looked up at Bill and smiled wide, a bit of waffle caught on the side of her cheek, two teeth missing from when they’d fallen out the week before. Bill remembered having to dig around for two gold coins, passing them to Ben while he’d been over to grab a few books, saying that they’d probably be cooler than dollars or quarters. He remembered how Georgie had loved getting the little gold coins more than paper at that age.

“Yeah!” She cheered happily, “Mr. Stan’s gonna take us on a nature walk again before reading time!” Bill rose a curious brow at the little girl but smiled nonetheless at her enthusiasm over a nature walk with whom he presumed was her teacher.

“S...sounds like a lot of fun.” June simply nodded and shoved more forkfuls of syrupy waffles into her mouth, chewing thoroughly before each swallow.

Once their breakfasts were both finished promptly by eight o’clock Bill cleaned up the plates after sending June off to wash her face of the crumbs and sugar that had adhered around her mouth. She came back slightly damp but clean and Bill was grateful that Ben and Bev have done such a great job raising their little girl to believe in keeping at least moderately clean. He remembered how messy he was a child and cringed.

By eight-ten Bill had managed to wrangle the little girl into her Spiderman themed jacket and Hello Kitty light up sneakers. Bill grabbed her coat, which hung carefully on the rack by the door as they left.

Thankfully by then, the sun has risen high enough to fight off the early morning chill and Bill didn’t have to crank his car’s heater in order to combat the startings of a Maine winter. The drive to June’s kindergarten didn’t even take ten minutes but Bev had assured him that kids were allowed in the building twenty minutes before class actually started so they were perfectly alright by being fifteen minutes early.

Bill had been prepared to simply roll up to the curb and drop little June off so she could amble up to her friends and get to class. What he hadn’t been expecting was a little hand tugging his until he met the girl's eyes.

“Ya’ gotta come in with me Uncle Billy,” June said with only the kind of authority a five-year-old had, going to unbuckle her seat in the front (he’d said she was allowed to ride shotgun if and only if she didn’t tell her mom or dad about it). Billy nodded in agreement even though he was more than sure he didn’t actually have to take her all the way to her class. If it was something Bev did he’d do it as well since he wouldn't have time to ask right then he trusted June and complied. Parking in an empty space Bill had to hurry and catch up to June as she’d already disentangled herself from her car strap and jumped down from the jeep, backpack gripped tightly in one of her hands and dragging on the concrete as she headed towards the school.

Bill took large steps to catch up with her, picking her bag up and taking it himself so they it didn’t get scuffed up too terribly. With her hand, now free, June looped her tiny fingers around Bill’s palm and pulled him after her as though she were the one taking him to school and not the other way around. Bill held a laugh at bay, he was far too fond of the little girl for her own good.

Together they walked into the school and through two halls, hand in hand. Bill assumed that June knew where she was going and didn’t question her as she led him further into the small school, only now getting talkative as a normal five-year-old might. She gestured to the walls and the different rooms as they went.

“That’s where they let us put our handprints! Mine’s the purple glittery one! There’s Ms. Thomas’s room, we have snack time with her, and here’s Mr. Stan’s room!” June said the last part rather loudly, clearly the most excited about showing Bill her homeroom as she pulled harder on his hand, and with a surprising amount of strength, jerked him across the threshold of said room.

Honestly, Bill hadn’t known what he’d been expecting when he stepped into the kindergarten classroom. He supposed he’d anticipated it to be far messier, with toys and books and crayon marks everywhere. It wasn’t really like that at all. One wall of the room was lined with little cubbies and craft filing cabinet all different colors and seemingly personalized. The main floor had seven large and brightly tables surrounded by little bean bag seats, at the front of the room was a large and comfortable looking chair, a chalkboard sat right behind it. Instead of the walls being a hodgepodge of crafts, projects overlapping in disarray, everything, instead, was neatly spaced, large and small paintings and collages of pictures and what looked like leafs.

What really threw Bill off was when he looked up, from fishing wire, across the entire ceiling of the classroom, hung what appeared to be hundreds of birds. Some were made out of popsicle sticks, some were paper and cotton balls and some looked like actual stuffed animals.

It was both the strangest yet wondrous classroom Bill had ever stepped into. And then he saw the teacher.

“Mr. Stan!” June called, her little hand still tucked into Bill’s, whose attention had been brought snapping back to the actual people in the room instead of just the room itself. His breath caught in his throat because holy absolute fuck. Apparently, Mr. Stan had a second job as a model as well as being a kindergarten teacher, anyone looking as he did in Bill's eyes must be in magazines somewhere.

The man's hair was a chestnut brown/blonde color, curly and neat, hanging loosely around his ears and he was wearing a soft looking teal cardigan and khaki pants, cleanly pressed. That was not what even had Bill caught so suddenly off guard. It was the way the man’s eyes had lit up, a smile appearing on his mouth, bright as he bent down to one knee in order to properly greet Bill’s Goddaughter.

“Hey there June, happy that it’s Friday?” His voice was soft and light, it matched him completely and Bill almost wanted to swoon which, of course, he wouldn't, not in front of a room of six-year-olds and their very attractive teacher.

“Nature walk!” June cheered, lifting her arms in excitement and in turn raising Bill’s as well. That drew the other man’s attention and warm brown gaze to him. Mr. Stan gave him a small smile, but no less happy before turning back to June.

“Of course, after lunch though,” June nodded seriously like it was her responsibility to remember the information. Mr. Stan stood, “are you going to introduce me to your friend?” He asked looking once again at Bill. June smiled brighter than before and yanked on Bill’s arm. He was still completely focused on the teacher in front of him that he barely understood what was going on.

“This is my uncle Billy! He’s the best! He comes over for breakfast lots and watches movies with mommy and daddy and writes for the newspaper! He brings me toys and stickers and plays soccer with me and he’s teaching me how to ride a bike! He used to be in love with mommy until he knowd he liked boys more and mommy met daddy and -” Catching the last part Bill looked down at the little girl, scandalized.

“J-Ju-Junebug! H-he duh-duh-doesn’t n...need to know th-th-that!” Thankfully Mr. Stan looks just as embarrassed for him as Bill was sure he looked himself. June looked properly sorry that she’d upset her uncle. She pulled her hand away from his, cheeks turning rosy and head turned down. Bill sighed, his own flush creeping up the back of his neck, he couldn't even meet the other man’s eyes for fear of becoming redder at June's oversharing.

A hand was brought into his line of sight and Bill instinctively followed it up to the other man’s face.

“Stanley Uris, but uh, you can just call me Stan, or uh Mr. Stan I guess, that’s what the kids call me at least.” Stan wasn't looking at him unkindly, his lips still curled up around the edges, perhaps with just a bit more amusement this time.

Bill grabbed his hand and shook it. Proud that the nerves jumping around in his veins hadn't caused his hand to tremble.

“B-b-bill Denbrough, i-i-it’s a pl-pl-pl… nice t-to meet y...you.” Bill silently cursed himself, he hadn’t stuttered this hard since the beginning of highschool. It took him a moment to realize that he was still holding Stan’s hand.

Bill dropped it awkwardly when June tugged at the bottom of his shirt, he finally looked away from the teacher to the little girl.

“I need my backpack, Uncle Billy.” She looked mildly unimpressed, the last few minutes fading from her mind as a more pressing matter made itself clear. Bill hopped into action, slipping her bag from his shoulder and into her waiting hands. He bent down to kiss the top of her forehead.

“Be guh-good, t-tell your m-mom I’ll s-s-see her S…Sunday oh-k-kay? June nodded and gave her Uncle a funny look, wondering why his voice is jumping more than usual but saying nothing as she turned to go and put her things in her assigned cubby.

Bill turned back to Stan and there was an almost pregnant silence between them before Bill stuttered out another “nice to meet you” and hastily made a retreat, almost turning directly into the door frame of the classroom in his haste to get back to his jeep where he can properly feel embarrassed by himself.

For the next two days, his thoughts were plagued with near angelic curls and light brown eyes. Bev had texted him the day before, once again thanking him for taking June to school and confirming that he’d be at the restaurant Sunday morning for “family” breakfast. He’d assure her that it wasn’t a problem and that he’d be there.

Somehow Bill had managed to get a decent sleep the night before Sunday breakfast and woke along with the sun instead of before it. He took time in getting ready, gathering up his dirty clothes and even straightening up his room in a rare display of organization. When he was ready to leave he made sure to grab his red folder of articles for the newspaper before heading to his car, needing to drop them off once he was on his way back home from breakfast. He often made dropping off combed through articles a weekend habit, knowing that payment would be wired to his account by mid-week before most of his bills would come out.

The restaurant was even more crowded for a Sunday but it was to be expected, the church crowd was making their way into too small booths and naturally early risers were always coming in for good pancakes. No matter what though Bill knew there’d be a table waiting for him with Ben and June already seated, menus spread out between them.

That morning was no different as Bill slipped through throngs of old ladies dressed up in pastel jacket and skirt combinations, white hair curled high and tight with heavy looking earrings pulling down at the skin of their lobes. When he reached the table it seemed that Ben and June were in a heated discussion (as much as one could be in with a five-year-old) about the merits of getting french fries over toast for breakfast, it was a conversation that seemed to happen most breakfasts than not.

Bill made his presence known by slipping his messenger bag onto the back of his chair catching both Ben and June’s attention. They both smiled up at him in welcome.

“Morning Bill,” Ben said, passing him a menu like always even though Bill was likely going to get what he always did. June just turned back to her own menu, little brows coming together in confusion as she tried to read the words on the laminated paper. Most of the time she just went by the pictures and pointed but Ben had been trying to get her to read more and more. Since then her attempts were getting better each time Bill watched her try to sound out the words.

Within moments of Bill’s arrival, Bev was there with her little notebook, apron secured tightly around her waist. She leaned over the table and kissed Ben gently before placing a kiss on June’s head and Bill’s cheek. Bill watched Ben’s face, almost amazed that he still looked at Bev as though she were a goddess and he was a simple mortal even though Bill had to admit his friend had grown quite handsome as the years went on. It was a refreshing thing to see. The utter devotion and love Ben felt for the women.

“Same thing as usual Bill?” She asked, pen poised to take down his order if had changed. It hadn’t.

“Yeah, s...same as usual.” Bev nodded and moved to take the rest of her family’s orders before going back toward the little window of the restaurant that led to the kitchen. Their table lapsed into a comfortable moment of silence, each person simply enjoying the others company when Ben spoke up, addressing Bill.

“So, got any work done on your masterpiece lately?” Ben had taken to calling Bill’s first novel attempt his “masterpiece” in a way of encouraging Bill because, in Ben’s words, it was going to be amazing. Bill wasn’t too sure of as late.

Bill wanted to dramatically cover his face with his hands and pretend to weep, as that was what he was feeling over the lack of progress he’d made in the last few days. Instead of doing that he shrugged half-heartedly.

“A bit I guess,” it was unconvincing even to his own ears, Ben didn’t say anything, however, not wanting to make Bill even more upset at himself, he simply nodded and changed the topic.

“Well, June here…” Ben began to fill Bill in on everything that June had been up to in the time he’d spent away from the little girl. It was confusing, to say the least, considering that Ben was trying to interpret what the five-year-old had told him. From the gist of it, Bill had been able to determine that she’d finished a whole coloring book, collected the “biggerest” leaf on the nature walk she’d taken Friday with her class and Mr. Stan, and spent most of Saturday having a fashion show with Ben while he’d graded history papers. By the time Ben had recapped what he could Beverley had returned. Their breakfasts were spread out over a large circular serving tray and Bev's apron was slung over her shoulder, shirt untucked from her black pants.

She placed the tray in the middle of the table, expertly in a way that insured everyone’s meal was exactly where it should be. Bev only had thirty minutes for her first break to eat with them before she had to go back to serving and taking orders. They spent most of the breakfast eating and talking over one another, laughing like they always did, because when surrounded by friends it was hard not to. June stole most of their collective attention with her surprisingly logical childlike stories and retellings of the book Mr. Stan had read in storytime on Friday.

Bill wondered how he never noticed just how much June talked about her teacher before, he supposed that now he has a face to place to the name it was easier to recognize when she did. It didn’t help that Bill really hadn’t been able to stop thinking about him since he’d met the other man.

Once they’d all finished eating Ben pulled June up from her highchair and said they were going to get cleaned up, it was mostly for June’s benefit due to the fact that her face was smudged with ketchup, having won the french fry argument earlier. Bev was taking the time to gather up their plates so she could take them to the back when she clocked in from her break.

Bill had spent the majority of his weekend mulling over how he might be able to see Stanley Uris again and really, only one thing had come to mind.

“Uh, B-Bev?” She looked up from her task with one brow quirked.

“Yeah?” Bill swallowed.

“If you uh s-still needed help getting June to s….school I don’t m-mind taking her, just so you know.” Bev beamed down at Bill.

“You’re a real treasure Bill Denbrough, I haven’t been able to get anyone permanent yet so if you could take her in on Tuesday’s and Friday’s I’d be able to give you gas money and everything.” Bill waved her off, really he was mostly being selfish at this point even though he’d always help get June to school regardless of her very attractive teacher. He was simply more willing with the incentive of seeing “Mr. Stan.”

“C-course Bev,” he returned her smile and helped her tidy up the rest of the table.

And that was how Bill found himself that following Tuesday stepping into June’s school much like he had those few days before, her backpack looped over his shoulder, the little girl pulling him along. A bubble of nerves had worked it’s way into Bill’s stomach at the thought of seeing Stan again, he hoped this time he wouldn’t stutter as terribly but really the man had never been too cool in the face of people he was attracted to.

When he reached the door to June’s class his eyes found her teacher almost automatically, he was just as gorgeous as Bill remembered him being. This time Stan was wrapped up in a gray cashmere sweater, brown patches sewn into the elbows, and light colored blue jeans. Bill hadn’t even spoken yet and he just knew that if he tried he’d be just as tongue-tied as before.

The other man turned from where he was talking to a little blonde haired boy and smiled at Bill and June, coming over to greet them both.

“Hiya Mr. Stan,” Jun said sweetly, Stan had kneeled down to her level.

“Good morning June,” he looked up and Bill felt that little shudder in his breathing as their eyes met, he managed a nervous smile in return. The teacher looked back to June, “I see you dragged your Uncle with you again,” June giggled like it was a joke and Bill bit back a laugh of his own, staring down fondly at the little girl to his left.

“Mommy has to work super early sometimes so Uncle Billy gets to take me now!” She sounded so endearingly happy over the fact that Billy was bringing her to school in the morning it made his heart melt just a bit.

“J-just on Tue….Tuesdays and F-F-Friday’s,” he filled in helpfully, Stan looked up at Bill and nodded, smiling as he rose back to his full height, still a bit shorter than Bill. June tugged on the bottom of Bill’s shirt, much like she’d done before to get his attention. Without prompting Bill handed off her bag, wishing her a good day before she rushed off.

They stood, almost orbiting around each other in silence until Stan looked away to where June was shoving her bag into her pink cubby.

“I’m glad Bev and Ben have someone they can count on to watch out for June, it seems like they work really hard.” Bill was a bit taken aback by Stan’s calm observation and the sincerity that it held. Not many people in Bill’s opinion were often open with such personal opinions. From someone else, Bill might think they were commenting on Bev and Ben’s parenting but from Stan, it didn’t seem as such, not with the soft way he was looking at June or how his voice was laced with a startling kind of conviction.

Bill was nearly at a loss for words at what to say to that.

“I… uh, y-yeah, they d-do," another hanging silence filtered between them, broken only by the laughter and noise of children that surrounded them. Bill coughed lightly and looked away. “W-well ha-have a guh-good d-day.” Stan grinned.

“You too Mr. Denbrough,” Bill felt a chuckle bubble up in his throat at the name.

“Ju….Just Bill, pl-please,” the other man nodded an affirmative, kind smile still on his lips. When Bill turned to leave he could have sworn he heard a soft “Bill,” repeated back at him but figured it must have been his wishful imagination and left.

For the next three weeks, that’s how it went, Bill would drop June off, saying hello to her teacher, stutter calming down to its usual level the more he did so, they would exchange pleasantries, sometimes a tidbit about themselves and then Bill would say goodbye. Sometimes, in rare moments he thought that they might be flirting, the way that Stan would smile at him and laugh at something he said, but really Bill just didn't know.

By the fourth week of consistently dropping June off Tuesdays and Fridays, Bill was slowly being consumed with the urge to see Stanley Uris more than those coveted five or so minutes. When Bev texted him in the middle of one Friday afternoon asking if he could pick June up that day and take her to the Rec, as Ben usually did it on his lunch break and couldn’t that day, Bill didn’t even hesitate to respond with a yes. He considered it lucky that Bev hadn’t made some kind of quip about the speed of his reply and being eager. Bill wasn’t sure what he’d do if Bev figured out that he had a crush on June’s kindergarten teacher.

Instead, Bev assured him that the school knew he’d be picking up June instead of Ben and he wouldn’t have any problem getting her and that she’d be waiting by the parent pick-up circle with the other members of her class.

When Bill got to the school that afternoon and parked, he immediately spotted Stan surrounded by a dwindling crowd of bundled-up kindergartners, June almost front in center in her Spiderman coat. By the time Bill made his way to group June had noticed him and likely the only thing keeping her from running to give him a hug was the fact that Stan was there and she knew better than to run off from her teacher.

Once he was in range, however, all bets were off and she nearly flew to him, making Bill stagger at the force of her tiny arms rounding behind his knees. Stan’s quite songlike laugh nearly knocked the breath out of Bill’s lungs. Stan looked perfect when he was laughing, amusement sparkling in his brown eyes, his cheeks dimpling. In addition to his usual sweater/cardigan, he was also swathed in a navy blue peacoat and festive red colored wool scarve.

Bill couldn’t help himself from grinning back at the man before reaching down to take June’s backpack from her.

“I h-hope it’s oh-okay that I’m picking her up,” Bill slipped the little girls backpack over one shoulder as Stan shook his head.

“It’s not a problem, the office called down ahead of time to let me know,” that made sense to Bill as Bev had told him nearly the exact same thing. He was about to wish Stan a good evening and leave when something caught his attention. There seemed to be something in Stan’s hair. Without even thinking much of it Bill took two steps forward into the teacher’s space and stretched out his hand to pluck the object out. Once his fingers brushed over Stan’s curls Bill was enraptured by just how soft his hair was, like silk across the pads of his fingers. Bill wanted to run his hands through the other man’s hair but Stan’s slightly choked “uh” cut that thought off rather quickly.

With an embarrassed flush crawling up toward Bill’s ears he made swift work of pulling what he now recognized as a feather from Stan’s hair, holding it out for the other to see in way of an explanation. Bill noted that Stan’s cheeks were now a pale pink, perhaps from the chill the afternoon had taken on.

“Oh,” was Stan’s remark, raising his own hand to take the feather from between Bill’s fingers. The writer’s breath caught when their skin brushed in the process, hyperaware of the warmth from Stan’s fingers as they touched against his own. “It’s from a robin,” his tone was excited, attention now moving on to the item in his hand. Bill was nearly made breathless again by the sudden appearance of such enthusiasm.

Really, he figured he should have grown used to it at this point, but he hadn't and Bill thought perhaps it was alright that he might never.

“F-from the n...nature walk?” He asked, taking a step back, trying his best to clear the strange atmosphere he’d unintentionally created. Stan looked as though he was going to reply but June spoke before he had the chance to respond.

“Uncle Billy, we’re gonna be late for basketball!” Bill snapped his gaze down to the little girl whose arms were folded over her chest, foot tapping impatiently as she waited for her Godfather. Bill nearly broke down in a fit of giggles over how much June looked like her mother when she was annoyed. He supposed Bev would find it just as amusing as he did.

“A-alright Junebug,” he looked back to Stan who still had the feather twirled between his thumb and index finger, “s-see you Tuesday, Stan,” Bill said, taking June’s hand in his and turning toward where he parked the jeep.

“See you Bill, have a good night.” Bill turned to look over his shoulder at Stan and smiled, conveying in an unmistakable way that he wished the same for the other man.

For the following two weeks, Bill volunteered to pick up June from school so that Ben could spend his time working at the college, the history project taking up more and more of his time.

One Saturday while Bill was over for dinner and a movie Bev finally called him out on his total willingness to pick June up so. It wasn’t surprising to her that Billy was willing to go the extra mile for people he considered family but the man usually joked about it more, feigning hardship when they all knew it wasn’t one. Bill hadn’t made a joke about doing Bev a favor since she’d first asked and it was making her curious, though she did have an idea as to what, or who more likely, had Bill offering his services so willingly.

Bill was curled up comfortably on Bev and Ben’s large couch, watching the credits of the movie they’d been watching fade to a close while the two parents tucked their daughter into bed. Bev returned a few minute later and sat down next to her friend, resting her head on his shoulder.

“Thank’s again for taking June all the time,” Bill fought the urge to shrug his shoulders, knowing it would dislodge the comfortable weight of Bev’s head.

“Y-you know I’d do anything f-for her, and you,” he added the last bit as an afterthought but clearly meant it just as much as the first part of the statement. He didn’t feel Bev smirk from her perch on his shoulder but heard it in her voice all the same when she spoke up again.

“And for a cute boy?” It was a digging tease that had Bill’s shoulders tensing and face flushing, obviously caught. Once the silence stretched on and her suspicion was confirmed Bev couldn't help but laugh, full-bodied and far too giddy for Bill’s suddenly embarrassed mood. “I can not believe you’re using my daughter as a means to flirt with her teacher.” It wasn't said in an accusatory tone, there was nothing really negative about Bev’s comment but it still made Bill uncomfortable nonetheless.

“Y...you k-k-know I wouldn’t d-d-do th-that, it’s n...not -,” Bev sat up and placed her palm across Bill’s mouth, silencing his defensive rambling.

“Bill, calm down, I know, it was a joke. Though you have to admit, it is a perk.” Bev winked cheekily and Bill didn’t think he had the ability to color redder but somehow his complexion managed it. Bev only laughed harder while Bill was trying to calm himself down. Once Ben returned to the room he raised a brow in question and turns to his wife.

“What did I miss?”

“Just the confirmation of Billy-boy here having a crush on “Mr. Stan,”” Bill was about to have another fit when Ben just hummed in understanding as smiled at his friend.

“You should go for it, he probably won’t say no.” It was said so offhandedly that Bill momentarily forgot his shame to stare after the other man, entirely confused.

“H-how would you kn...know that?” Bev filled him in helpfully while Ben put away the DVD from the player.

“Because there was a parent-teacher conference yesterday and he asked how you were doing.” Bill had to turn almost his entire body to face the red-haired woman who was looking far too smug for his liking.

“T-that doesn’t mean he l...likes me.”

“True, but June pointing out that he kept the feather you apparently pulled from his hair and him basically turning into a tomato sure says something.” A fluttering kicked up in Bill’s stomach at the thought of Stan keeping the feather but really there could be so many reasons for that.

“H-he likes birds, that doesn’t m-mean anything.” Bev rolled her eyes, patted his shoulder and didn't say anything as she stood up. Bill didn’t need her to in order to understand that she’d basically called him an idiot without a single word passing her lips.

Sometimes Bill wondered how he didn’t hate his friends even a smidge.

By the time Tuesday rolled around and Bev had spent their Sunday family breakfast teasing him Bill had bundled up all the courage he could and on his and June’s way to school he stopped by the only Starbucks within a ten mile radius to grab coffee and a hot chocolate for the little girl in his passenger seat. If there happened to be a third drink in Bill’s cup holder June didn’t say anything to bring attention to it.

When they reached the parking lot of the kindergarten June went to hop out of the car and Bill took the minute he had before she grew weary of waiting for him to grab one of the many permanent markers in his glove box to hastily scrawl seven digits onto clear side of the cup. He stared at the numbers and then, almost against himself wrote a single word in the form of a question.

Before he could take back what he’d done Bill slipped from his own seat, coffee clutched in hand as he locked up the jeep and as per usual took June’s bag from her while they made their way into the school.

By the time the two had reached Stanley’s room Bill’s stomach was practically in knots, he’d almost thrown the cup of coffee into one of the trash bins lining the hall but June’s restless walking pace kept him from lingering on the thought long enough to do it.

As usual, Stan greeted June first, then Bill next. It wasn’t until June was off at the cubbies and Stan was asking Bill how his weekend had been did the writer offer the cup of coffee he’d practically been clutching to the other man, completely ignoring the question that had been posed to him.

The sudden gesture had Stan pausing automatically before his trademark soft smile curled onto his lips and he was taking the cup from Bill’s hand, their fingers brushing for the second time.

“Thanks, Bill, this is really thoughtful.” There was a dusting of pink on Stan’s high cheekbones and a gut-clenching fondness in his expression that gave Bill some sense of calm, perhaps it hadn’t been a terrible idea at all. Still, he didn’t exactly want to stand around and wait for Stan to notice the numbers Bill had written on the side of the cup so he made his retreat.

“I-it wasn’t a problem, I uh, g-g-gotta g-go though, s-s-see you later,” he left before Stan could respond in kind.

It wasn’t until eleven o’clock did Bill really begin to panic. It had been nearly five hours since he gave Stan the coffee with his number and the question and yet the screen of his phone only showed him reminders and updates from the few apps he actually had, no text or missed a call from an unknown number. There was no indication the Stan had even seen the message Bill had left for him, or perhaps he had and was simply ignoring it. That thought made Bill feel even worse.

Bill thought he was lucky that Ben said he would pick June up that day so if Stan really was rejecting him Bill wouldn’t have to face him in three hours. Small miracles he supposed.

Then, when he was pacing in his kitchen thirty minutes later, waiting for the water to boil for the pasta he was going to make, a shrill ring pierced the air of his otherwise silent apartment. Bill rushed from where he’d paused in front of his stove and almost knocked his entire body against the door frame of his bedroom in his haste to reach his phone where it was charging.

He didn’t even look at the screen before picking it up.

“H-hello?” There was an undisguised note of hope for who the caller might be. Bill was not left disappointed.

“Uh,” a light chuckle, “hey.” Stan sounded just as wonderful on the phone as in person and Bill allowed himself to smile wide to himself.

“Hi,” he replied before realizing he’d already said practically the same thing already. Stan laughed again and Bill realized with faint surprise that it was possible the other man was just as nervous as he was.

Neither of them said anything for a beat.

“S-so-” Bill began before Stan barreled past him.

“I’d really like to get coffee with you.”

Bill didn’t respond, mostly due to shock he believed. It was enough of a pause apparently to make Stan even more nervous.

“That, uh, that is of course, if you still want to, I mean -”

“Y-yes!” Bill exclaimed, the sudden realization of his mistake dawning. “I, y-yeah I s...still want to get coffee w-with you.” He was smiling so large it was bound to hurt if he kept it up. There was a sigh of elated relief on the other end of the line.

“Would Saturday be alright? I’d suggest Friday what with there being no school but I’ve got to spend time making lesson plans so…” The other man trailed off and Bill spook before silence can come back and threaten either of them with more awkwardness.

“S-Saturday sounds great.” Any day sounded great to Bill.

“Okay,” Bill could almost hear the smile in Stan’s voice, “there’s this cafe on Cherry and Main, I can text you the address later this week? The kids are gonna be back from snack time any minute so I’ve got to go, but does that sound okay?”

“P-perfect.”

They say their goodbyes and Bill was so filled with giddy delight that not even his pasta boiling over, which it did, could touch the mood he was in.

Throughout the week Bill and Stan had sent texts back and forth constantly. Sometimes Stan would send him a picture of a child’s drawing that made him laugh, or a story about what happened in class, never failing to brighten Bill’s day. Bill often responded with comments and mentions of his book which he'd promised to tell Stan more about on Saturday. The thought of Saturday sent a thrum of happiness loose in Bill's body and gave him a little boost to finish a paragraph or two in his novel.

Once Saturday finally arrived Bill nearly didn't know what to do with himself. He hadn’t managed to get much sleep, this time from excitement rather than anything else but still not good either way. He managed to distract himself with his book and little newspaper editing projects he was meant to have finished by Monday that by the time there was an hour until his and Stan’s date Bill wasn’t left with any time to doubt the third outfit he’d tried on. He needed the remainder of the time to shower and leave before he risked being even a minute late.

He arrived at the cafe Stan had texted him about ten minutes early, dressed nicely in a blue button up, dark jeans and brown overcoat. He saw a head of golden brown curls already sat inside and what looked like two steaming mugs of coffee in front of him. A smile broke out on Bill’s face when he saw it.

The date was probably as close to perfection Bill had ever been close to.

Stan had greeted him with a warm smile and equally warm, slightly nervous hug, standing up the moment Bill had entered the cafe, small bell chiming in time with his appearance. Bill had stuttered out a hello and Stan had responded in kind, taking only a second to hesitate before looping his arms carefully around Bill’s shoulders.

Bill had wasted no time in tugging the other man just a bit closer by wrapping his arms around Stan’s waist. Once they’d parted Stan gestured to the coffee he’d order for Bill, hoping it was to his liking, Bill of course, after taking a sip, assured him it was amazing.

From there they talked and talked and talked, sometimes breaking down into fits of laughter over something the other had said. Sometime during the middle of the date, their hands had migrated toward one another's til they met in the middle of the table, fingers tangling together as they sipped lukewarm coffee. It was well into the afternoon by the time either of them realized and Bill regretted that he was actually the one who needed to leave and drop something off to the newspaper office.

They were both reluctant to let the others hand go but pressing matters dictated that they had to. Leaving the shop together there was a stilted goodbye at the tips of their tongues as they left in opposite directions. Before Bill could get too far however he turned around and jogged back to where Stan had wandered down the street to his own car presumably. Bill caught his elbow and Stan turned, expression both hopeful and curious.

“Do y-you wanna muh-maybe do this again?” Stan smiled at Bill and there was that fluttering in the latter's stomach, a feeling he’d grown used to when faced with one Stanley Uris.

“Yeah, I’d really like that. Maybe dinner next time?” Bill’s smile matched his and really, he couldn’t remember feeling happier. Than Stan took a step forward, placed one hand on one of Bill’s cheeks and his lips on his other, brushing them lightly across his slowly heating skin.

Bill said nothing as Stan pulled away and flashed him that soft smile before turning back the way he’d been going when Bill had stopped him.

Bill couldn't help but trace the tips of his fingers across the lingering sensation of Stan’s soft mouth on his face.

Bev might believe that she still owed Bill for taking June to school but really, Billy thought it was the other way around.

#stenbrough #stenbrough au #bill denbrough #Stan Uris #stanley uris #it 2017

239 notes · View notes

letsdesignbrostuff-blog · 4 years

Text

A Short History of Graphic Design

Graphic design is a field that is widely known today by people around the world, but even if it had been existing since forever, its origins had to come from somewhere. The term itself first appeared in print in the 1922 essay “New Kind of Printing Calls for New Design” written by a typographer William Addison Dwiggins. Later on, “Raffe's Graphic Design” published in 1927 was the first book title that included the words ‘graphic design’ on a cover. Although Leon Friend's 1936 book “Graphic Design” is believed to be the earliest comprehensive description of the field, today, there are millions of publishings that focus on both its brief history and its compelling subject in general. We’d like to think that everything that is significant in history happened during our lifetime. However, to truly grasp the bigger picture of graphic design , we should take our time to dig into its historical discoveries, starting from the very first cave paintings. This is where it all began. Graphic Design Roots: Prehistory Age

Image source: Medium Where should you look to find the origins of graphic design? You’ve probably heard of the Lascaux caves in Southern France, Rome's Trajan's Column, or the illuminated manuscripts of the Middle Ages and so on. Fast forward just a couple thousand years later, you’ll discover the Blau Monument (3100-2700 BC), a pair of inscribed stone objects from Mesopotamia which is now located in the British Museum. It’s the first known artifact to use both words and pictures on it. We already knew that the history of graphic design didn’t kick-off with computers or any other digital means. It has been assumed that graphic design has almost no end and is strongly interwoven with human existence and culture. The traces of the earliest undisputed art originated with the Homo sapiens’ Aurignacian archaeological culture in the Upper Paleolithic. Hence, it could be said that the vague preference for aesthetics probably already emerged in the Middle Paleolithic, which was about 100,000 to 50,000 years ago. Cave paintings 38,000 BCE Since graphic design, in its most basic description, is the art of creating graphics on a surface, it can literally be done on canvas, paper, computer screen, stones, pottery, or even on cave walls. The other name for cave paintings is "parietal art", and they were exhibited on cave walls, ceilings, and date back to around 38,000 BCE in Eurasia. Around 35,000 years ago, the first cave painting “Pettakere” was made in Sulawesi, Indonesia. However, their exact purpose is still not yet entirely known by scientists. Ancient people decorated walls with paint made from dirt or charcoal mixed with spit or animal fat. What's important is that at that time, they couldn't write, so apart from being just a simple decoration, their designs could have probably served as a means for communication as well. Some theories ascribe a religious or ceremonial purpose to them. The most common themes in European cave paintings are large wild animals, such as bison, horses, aurochs, deer, and tracings of human hands (most likely artists’ signatures) as well as abstract patterns. Sumerian written language 3300 – 3000 BCE At one point, writings started to appear, and one of the earliest known written languages is Sumerian. The so-called proto-literate period of Sumerian writing spans roughly 3300 to 3000 BC. In this era, records were purely logographic (icons used to represent entire words instead of phonetic sounds), and they all had phonological content. It was underlined by researchers that this logographic way of constructing a language suggested the natural ability for humans to use visual representations to communicate complex ideas. Surprisingly enough, this natural method refers directly to the field of modern graphic design. Archaic Sumerian was the earliest stage of inscriptions with linguistic content, beginning with the Jemdet Nasr (Uruk III) era from about 3100 to 3000 BC. The oldest document of the proto-literate period was the Kish tablet. Paper and Printing Era

Image source: ThoughtCo. Before the idea of graphic design has proliferated to support commercial and creative endeavors such as magazines, logo designs, book covers, and outdoor advertisements up to reaching its digital forms, it first had to get familiar with paper and print! Contrary to popular belief, Gutenberg entered the playfield pretty late, since the origins of paper and graphics actually began with Chinese discoveries. The invention of paper in 105 AD by a Chinese man was what led to the concept of printing. It was around a thousand years later, in 1045 AD, that the first moveable type was invented. In 1276, a paper mill arrived in Fabriano, Italy, and this era was known for officially kicking off the first paper mill in Europe. However, only in 1450 was the system for printing books and other forms of literature at its heights. In 1460, the first illustrations in a printed book followed. Advancements in Chinese printing 200 CE – 1040 CE Some of the Chinese printing discoveries included non-papyrus paper making, woodblock printing, and movable type. Since 200 CE, they were already using wood reliefs to print and stamp designs on silk clothes and later on paper. It was only in 1040 (400 years before Gutenberg) that Bi Sheng invented the world’s first movable type printing press out of porcelain. During the Tang Dynasty (618–907), wood blocks were initially cut to print on textiles. However, they were later used to reproduce Buddhist texts. The Buddhist scripture printed in 868, was the earliest known printed book. Beginning in the 11th century, longer scrolls and books were produced, making them widely available to the masses (960–1279). Medieval calligraphy 700 - 900 It seems as if people have always had the inherent drive towards art, and this has been evidential since the early cave paintings. As human development progressed, typography became more important, since aesthetic horizons were being broadened and the intellectual mind was increasingly eager to collect information. This period dates all the way back to the Middle Ages. Texts in this era were still produced and replicated by hand, and the artistry in producing small portions of exquisite books was what made these items and its creators stand out of the crowd. Interestingly, in Islamic cultures for example, figurative art was seen as sacrilegious. Therefore, typography was among the few permissible ways of artistic expression at the time. European heraldry ~1100 - 1400

Image source: Enacademic Heraldry is a system by which coats of arms and other armorial bearings are devised, described, and regulated. In all likelihood, the first real logo, in its semantic entirety, was actually the coat of arms which became a symbol used to represent family houses or territories. During the Crusades, soldiers from different countries used them on armor and battle flags to distinguish themselves apart. As coats of arms are therefore used to represent certain values, it can be successfully compared to the modern use of a logo for brands. Storefront signage 1389 Looking back at the 14th century, times seemed rather hard. During this era, beer and ale were commonly drunk by people, therefore King Richard II of England made a law that ale houses must have signs out front so that the public could find them easier. This allowed for various work opportunities for graphic designers at the time since pubs ' visual identities and drinking etiquettes were graphic products waiting to be designed. This was how the first signage that represented commerce was born. The Birth of Graphic Design - The Industrial Revolution Era 1760 – 1800

Image source: Foundation for Economic Education For hundreds of years, people’s lives were primarily focused on agriculture. Folks farmed small pieces of land for the subsistence of their own families, producing DIY tools, furniture, and clothing for their use or inter-neighborhood trade. The Industrial Revolution began in Great Britain around 1760 and from then on, it spread to other parts of the world. To put it shortly, it was a cultural and economic shift from the cottage industry to a factory-based manufacturing system. But what did this mean for the field of graphic design? As a major turning point in the history of human mankind, it marked almost every aspect of daily life. The general mechanization acted as a strong accelerator of processes. When it comes to printing speed in 1810, industrial innovation allowed for 400 pages to be printed per hour. According to some critics, civilisation was shifting from admiring humanist values to worshiping material goods. Mass production brought the need for mass communication, therefore the nature of visual information had changed significantly during this era. Graphic communications became more important, photography was invented, while the expansion of printers, advertisement, and posters also occurred. Growth of Graphic Design: Up until 1900s This was when good design days came about. Gutenberg's printing press enabled people to recreate text, art, and design on a massive scale and in a cost-effective manner. From this, companies started to learn how to grow in terms of their visual identity and how to sell with the use of it. Invention of the Gutenberg press – 1439 What changed thanks to Johannes Gutenberg's invention was people’s attitude towards printed books and the press. With accessibility came all sorts of profits starting with easier mass communication and affordable knowledge and information. The year 1439 changed civilisation and shaped Western culture. Graphic design ultimately gained a supporter, with the Gutenberg press paving the way for its broad commercial use. First logos – late 1400s We've already mentioned where the roots of logos lie, but before the press arrived, it had been a whole different story. The printing industry allowed for graphic designs to be multiplied perfectly in an infinite number of times. The first logos were limited to marks on companies' documents. Parallel to actually being used to visually represent a company, a logo was also meant to present the brand’s advancement in its printing technique. In short, how well the logo was printed reflected how well everything else was printed by them. First print advertisements – 1620s You know them. They are funny, and today we often laugh at them when they appear on the internet. The first printed advertisements' amateurish style were as amusing and original as for our modern, refined perception. They appeared suddenly in massively printed newspapers. In that era, they were called “coranto”. The ads invasion happened in Europe in the early 1600s, but written advertisements initially date back to ancient Egypt. So what was all the fuss about? The thing is, this became the first time people could actually see images in mass-produced ads. Chromolithography – 1837 The further the technological progress reached, the more the world of graphic design could develop and spread its wings. Look at the seemingly simple ability to print in color or at chromolithography for example. It dramatically changed the perspective and broaden the range of advertising possibilities - characteristic, brand-linked color schemes, color-based emotional connections, etc. Furthermore, chromolithography enabled a higher degree of realism and attractiveness added to the simple objects of life and fashion. Until then, graphic design was solely based on shapes and marks. That's why the message was first of all clear and informative. Later on, the graphic design field of commerce started to approach the topic based on emotional attitudes, an approach that is very well-known to us today. Growth of Graphic design: After 1900s In 1993, Paul Rand successfully distinguished the core of this profession: “To design is much more than simply to assemble, to order, or even to edit: it is to add value and meaning, to illuminate, to simplify, to clarify, to modify, to dignify, to dramatize, to persuade and perhaps even to amuse. To design is to transform prose into poetry.” Today's form of graphic design began developing since the late 1800s. Whereas technological advancements of the industrial revolution era completely changed the game, the time to develop the specific tools and learn how to play with them came afterwards.

Image source: My Modern Met In 1903, the first graphic design agency, The Wiener Werkstätte, was established. The benefit of graphic design became evident and widely recognized since then, which helped kick off an entirely new industry. The Wiener Werkstätte was the first organization of visual artists which included architects, painters, and early graphic designers. They boldly reached out to cubism and other stylistic innovations, and their symbolic accomplishments set the stage for the Bauhaus and Art Deco styles. Staatliches Bauhaus was founded in 1919 in Weimar, Germany. Another difficult German word linked to it, the ‘Gesamtkunstwerk’, was an artistic ideal that encompassed or synthesized existing art forms into one perfect work. The goal that was actually brought into life - Bauhaus became one of the central driving forces behind the popularization of the modernist style. In 1922, William Addison Dwiggins explained in his book what graphic design actually was. Hence, the actual profession and the style of life in which it brings has been well-described through it. Moreover, “Thoughts on Design” by Paul Rand (the designer responsible for the logos for Ford, Westinghouse, Yale, ABC, UPS, and IBM) was published in 1947. In his book, he focused on “functional-aesthetic perfection,” an ideal balance between a logo looking good and communicating its points effectively. Up to this day, graphic designers' books and speeches collectively happen to fuel all the creative innovations within this field. Graphic design in this day and age From the 1950s onwards, the Industrial Revolution became almost insignificant compared to the digital one. Instead of mass printing, humans are enjoying the continuous technological advancements, with the computer, Internet, and social networks being huge turning points to how graphic design is today. Online platforms created many professions and opportunities for graphic designers. Meanwhile, digital softwares became more and more polished, cheaper, and more accessible than ever before. In 1990, the first version of Adobe Photoshop was released, creating a revolution in the way graphic designers worked. Photo manipulation created a whole new subcategory of graphic design. Prior to this, only artistic collages provided the possibility to blend together elements of photography, illustration, and CGI. Now, practically everything can be done. What are the forecasts for the future then? The above-mentioned route of surprising turns in the development of graphic design and the progression of visual communication is exciting because it shows that this field has no end. It continuously develops and changes paths, but the core idea of communication with the use of visual symbolism remains the same. Today, graphic design trends, styles, and preferences vary from designer to designer, but one thing is for sure - there is infinitely a plenitude of space for development. Read the full article

0 notes