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fiction-in-my-blood · 4 years

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Obey Me! Characters x Horny GN!MC HC (NFSW)

This includes all brothers and undateables (Diavolo, Barbatos, Soloman, and Simeon) I think I got a little carried away with Barbatos’ but, hey, its still a good read haha

Warnings: Just straight up Not Safe For Work, a lot of mentions of rough sex, edging in Barbatos’ HC, references to open relationships in Asmo’s and Diavolo’s, Lucifer’s is a lil angsty.

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Lucifer:

More than happy to accomodate you at any time of the day, but you’ll have to hold off when he’s particularly busy at the end of the month when the bills need to be sorted.

(Maybe encourage Mammon to hold off a bit on the big spending so he isn’t too stressed)

And, if he does get overrun with work pushed on him by the student council or Diavolo, tease him but accidentally letting it slip you’ll just have to go to Mamo or Asmo to complain, seeing as he can’t pleasure you right now.

He’ll definitely be invigorated to recover the pride he drastically lost even by the insinuation you’d go off spouting nonsense like that.

“I promise I’ve been good ~.”

“Their names wouldn’t even be on you mind if you were.”

You’ll be satisfied especially when he’s stressed, pounding all his frustrations into you, his demon strength pushing your head further and further into his pillows. That is if you make it to the bed.

When he does have the time, however, and you’re particularly needy, he’ll tease you to no end, not touching you until he can’t hold himself back anymore.

And, being overly sexual doesn’t mean rough all the live long day.

He likes to take it slow most of the time, not just teasing you, but engraining your body into his mind.

Because somewhere, deep in the self-sabatarging part of his brain, he remembers you’re mortal and he isn’t.

He’s going to live longer than you are, he could already be your eldest ancestor, so that thought it always in the back of his head as his face is burrowed in you neck, taking you in every sense of the word. By smell, touch, taste, hearing your moans of his name, watching your face screw up in pleasure and resting next to him after a specifically sensual love making session.

Mammon:

Won’t notice that its sex that you want at first, taking you to shop with him countless time when you’ve said your bored and wanted to have a lil fun~.

When he does realise, however, good god how can you have some much blood at two end of your body? Rock hard and a blushing mess at you on your knees in your room, just home from RAD, pushing him on the bed and almost swallowing him whole right there.

His face is bright red listening to Satan and Asmo tease him- you had ranted to them countless times that Mamo was completely oblivious and you were worried to spell it out for him.

But now, he’s just as needy as you, if not more. He is the Avatar of Greed, after all.

Don’t worry though, even if he is clueless when it comes to you, he’s had his fair share of sexual payback deals, so he’s got thousands of years of experience. Witches have used his body like a piece of meat time and time again.

Well, now he’s not just greedy for money. You’ll be lucky to ever sleep in your own bed again.

Might roleplay a prostitute and pimp, stripper and client, secretary and CEO, whatever situation that would possibly allow one of you to hand the other money.

Both of you swap, but Mamo, being greedy, enjoys it more when you top, doing most of the work. Won’t admit that though.

He relishes in the feeling of your thighs bouncing up and down on his hips, weight draped over his as you kiss him with so much pressure you might just be able to make diamonds.

Leviathan:

Too busy playing games, watching anime and boasting about his collection to think that you came to his room for any other reason.

Gets the idea when you sit on his lap, though, mid-speech about Henry and the Lord of Shadow’s latest exploits, grinding against him and grinding his words to a halt.

Although momentarily caught off guard, blushing as he stammers out an apology for not noticing sooner, he wraps an arm around your waist, pulling you into endless amounts of bliss.

The boy has a few tricks from harem games he’s played, lets not play ourselves.

He will ignore you when there’s a new release, but that doesn’t mean you can’t use him however you like.

Sucking him off from under his desk as he struggles to concentrate on what’s going on onscreen, whispering sweet nothings in his ear as his friends’ voices echo through the headset.

He will get a little annoyed, you did ruin his 20 Kill/Death ratio, but a sensual plea for his cock to bury deep inside you and he’ll be willing to forgive you.

That is if you acquire this figurine he’s been looking into buying but can’t afford because Mammon borrowed money from him again. This time without asking.

Satan:

Some say makeup sex is the best kind of sex. Well, how about sprawled over ancient texts, forgetting to lock the libray door sex?

It can be hard to get him to put down the books and stop watching the dramas, especially when a PSA for an animal charity comes on, but, when you do... Honey.

There’s a lot of risk to being needy with Satan.

Sure, he’s happy to make you happy, but if you intend of fucking him out of his private time when he’s particularly engrossed in an book, please don’t push it. Unless you wanna get rammed from behind in the hallway outside the dining hall while he’s in demon form.

Sometimes, even with a pride that could rival Lucifer’s, Satan just can’t get off- which makes him a little pissy. Don’t worry, though, you can make him feel better by putting on a show, playing with yourself until your screaming his name. Then he’s harder than should be physically possible.

If there’s a sex scene on one of his detective shows, he’ll complain about how needless it is to the storyline, he has already realised who the killer is.

But, when he notices you haven’t said a word on the subject and are moving onto his lap, grinding on his thigh, blocking his view of the lewd, but short, scene, he couldn’t be happier about the character’s relationship development.

He will be rewinding when you’re done, though. You missed about three episodes because of that scene.

Asmodeus:

If he isn’t the Avatar of Lust, you sure as hell might be.

Even before you got together, it was incredibly difficult to resist him. And not just because of his devilish powers.

The horny gremlin could hardly keep it in his pants before you dated, but now. Luv, get ready.

He likes to dress you in whatever sexy outfit there is. Whether its a full blown nurse outfit or the smallest lingerie going, you’re both happy to try anything.

You tried a nun’s outfit one time and, coincidentally, almost got caught by one of the angels. You had been experimenting in the library of Purgatory Hall, so it’s only you’re fault, but it was still a very, very close call.

He’ll never leave you hanging, you’ll definitely have more than five orgasms a round, but he’ll have twice as many.

He might ask if you want to include another person, and you might agree, depending on your openness to sexuality, but he’s not going to make you feel let out.

You’ll feel like a royal, more important than Diavolo, ravished from all side, just by him. If you did include anyone else, they’d be lucky to even get their hands on you.

There will be times when, just so they could sleep, Lucifer will enforce a ban on how far you can go. You’re a screamer and he’s a moaner, and all the brother have had enough nightmares as it is.

They’ll go as far as put a chastity belt on him, locking him in his room and sending you to stay with the angels for a couple days so they can have some peace and quiet during the night.

But, when you come together again, Asmo’s cock still locked away, he’ll go full demon-mode, form and all, fingering and licking you like no other time before.

Jokingly asks if you defiled the angels without him, you joke that you did. You never thought Asmo would be so openly jealous, but that look then was almost as scary as Satan. If it didn’t turn you on so much, it would be.

Beelzebub:

He’s not dumb.

Watching you jump on the counter, flirtatously crossing one leg over the other as he has his late late night snack, comments about how well he eats.

What that tongue do tho?!

It’s become customary for you two to meet up in the kitchen on his nightly visit, letting him eat all the food he wants before he buries his face in you right there and then.

Never have you been happier to have a gluttonous, demon boyfriend.

He’s just as horny as you are, eager to taste you at any given moment.

And he’s not secretive about it.

At first, he would just walk up to you as you talked with his brothers or the angels, asking you if you wanted to use this whipped cream you introduced him to from a care package you got from home a month ago.

“It’s just whip cream, Beel. From the can.” You correct him before excitedly agreeing.

Because of this, Asmo’s asked to join in a few too many times for it to be a teasing joke anymore.

Now, after you tell him he might break Mamo if he asked you to ride his face because he was hungry as school again, he’ll whisper in your ear how much he wants you. It’s not much less obvious, but at least everyone doesn’t know the specifics of your sex lives anymore.

Belphegor:

Honey, he may be asleep half the time you are together, but fuck if he doesn’t know how to treat you well.

He’s surprisingly perceptive so, when you take him to the attic, mentioning how far away it is from all his brothers, meaning it’ll be harder for them to hear the two of you, he does chuckle at your not so indirect way of telling him you want him.

Don’t get me wrong, he’s going to make you work for it. Although, not in a way similar to Lucifer.

He’ll finger you to the edge, give you oral until you just about to topple over, have you ride him and then rip you off his lap the second he feels that slight tightening around his cock, thoroughly enjoy that broken, teary-eyed expression everytime you cry his name in annoyance.

But, if you can muster enough strength, and he hasn’t fucked it all out of you yet, you could wrap your legs around his waist, making him make you cum when you’ve reached your limit.

You’ll be severely punished, covered in delicious brusies, but it’ll all be worth it.

Diavolo:

At first, he jokes about your obvious, desperate advances.

Like, seriously, how can a human have so much energy?

He finds it cute when you pout because he’s busy.

When he has to make diplomatic trips, his D.D.D is ringing every other hour.

“MC, I love you. With all my heart. But I don’t think God will appreciate me listening to you cum in our meetings.”

Not to mention the amount of times Lucifer and Barbatos have walked in on you going at it on the throne (which is your favourite place to do it, as of late).

You honestly couldn’t care less. Demons are allowed to be horny sex fiends, why can’t you?

Diavolo never thought he could meet his match, but you, this human that stole his heart, might just have worn him out.

However, what gets him every single time? You whispering in his ear as he’s discussing important matters of Devildom with Lucifer, his smirk making the eldest brother blush because he knows, and can probably hear, the plans you’re nibbling into Diavolo’s ear.

All the positions, all the memories you wanted to recreate, all the sweet cries of pleasure.

You might as well be humping his leg.

“Oh, and Luci, did you want to join?”

Barbatos:

Doesn’t react much in public.

Or at all, really.

He does represent Diavolo in everything he does, so it’s not like he can go around with hickies covering his visible skin.

You do try to rein it in for him, you respect his dedicaion for the future king of Devildom, he shows you a fraction of that same dedication and you’re on cloud nine, but it does get in the way sometimes.

For example, you could be in the middle of getting dicked down, the first time all week and it was WEDNESDAY, and Barbatos stands up straight, pulling right out of you, leaving to attend to whatever need Diavolo might have without another thought to you.

This had happened a few times now and you were tired of being blue-balled.

You had to go to the source.

“Diavolo!”

Eyes practically alight with rage, you stormed right into Lucifer’s office, where you knew the two would be.

Mammon had seen you in all your radiant, disheveled desire turned furious and you demanded he tell you exactly where the prince was, even if he didn’t know in that minute.

This fiasco was ending.

Today.

Lucifer was angry with your casual referral to such a high-standing demon, but Diavolo brushed it off because you were you. You were the human he found so endearing, wanted to learn more about. And you were Barbatos’ partner.

“Stop calling Barbatos at night! Better yet, give him the weekend. I can’t do it anymore! I’m going crazy here with all this edging! I haven’t cum in a month!!!”

The words slipped from your lips without you caring, Lucifer’s frown lifting into a smirk as he smelt and sensed the need for sex all over you. Diavolo laughed at how utterly needy you were, nodding when he noticed you glaring.

“I swear, on all of Devildom, Barbatos is all yours when the sun sets.”

That night, you pulled out all the stops.

Candles, blankets, boxes upon boxes of condoms, lube, his favourite food, and your sexiest lingerie. There was no way you weren’t getting laid tonight. You were going to make it that you couldn’t walk tomorrow, no. matter. what.

Barbatos enjoyed his dinner with you, which was unusually tame compared to how you normally were. You were still a little angry about last night, when you were a thrust away from finishing when, apparently, Diavolo needed help and Barbatos lifted you off him and redid his pant buttons like nothing had happened.

However, after all the delectable food, the show really began.

A strip tease. A blowjob. He even finished you off once with his fingers, but it wasn’t enough. You had been so close too many times. You were cumming on that dick if it was the last thing you ever did in Devildom.

“Oh, I think Dia-.”

“Don’t you fucking dare say that name.”

You gritted your teeth, clamping your hand over his mouth to shush any attempt to leave you hanging here. Literally.

He was standing, holding you up by the thighs as you bounced on his cock, sweat coating both of you and breathing mixing as you tried to kiss but couldn’t manage the absence of oxygen for less than a second.

A muffled sound of confusion came from him as his grip on your ass loosened, but you wrapped your legs tighter around him so there was no way he could escape.

“I need to cum with you, Barbatos. I can’t take it anymore. I need you.”

Your voice croaked, tears of desperation filling your eyes, and that was all it took to send him into hyperdrive.

You were pushed against the walls with a heavy thud, hitting your head at the force, and it would have hurt it you weren’t suffering from such mind-blowing pleasure.

It’s safe to say, you were never going to be edged like that ever again.

Solomon:

It doesn’t take magic to see the hints you’re throwing at him.

Bending over in the halloween costume you ordered off of Akuzon, making sure it was way too small before you hit checkout. You got a Pigwart’s uniform, saying that you must have accidentally bought the kids version, but there is no way in Devildom a skimpy cropped shirt and the shortest, most curve-hugging shorts would be a kids costume.

You don’t make it to that year’s RAD Halloween party, but Soloman promises to bring you back to Devildom for next year’s.

That is if you can make it in the sexy witch costume you were already planning.

Your relationship had first developed when he gave you tips on how to survive as a human in a world of angels and demons, but now he’s giving you tips on how to give him head better.

Not that you need it, he just likes to order you around.

Simeon:

He knows, but he doesn’t act on your overly sexual nature.

It breaks him to watch you beg, so the second you’re making advances, he swallows his embarrassment to pleasure you, reminding himself to pray extra, extra hard that same night.

You’re the one to initiate most of your encounters, running your hands up his arms, poking your fingers under his shirt through the shoulder cuts.

There’s this one song you’ve been listening to lately. A very sexy song. One recommended to you by Asmodeus. You can’t help dancing around whenever its on, feeling yourself like you are that bitch.

One time you get out of the shower, think fuck it, drop your towel and start the routine you’ve basically got planned out by now. Rolling around on the floor, sticking your ass up, flipping your hair and shaking your thighs so you butt jiggles.

You were so wrapped up in yourself you don’t notice Simeon sitting at the small desk you usually use for school work, mouth open agape as you give him to most sinful show he’s every seen.

He had come to help you study, but...

Since when have humans been able to move so elegantly?

He thought you looked like an angel, but the way your sex is reveal to him as you part your legs at one point, there is no God that could approve of what thoughts were running through his head.

Even though you had fun, you were panting by the end of it, laying on your fluffly carpet and snuggling your face against the comfort as you laugh at yourself.

That is until you feel the pressure over you as your wrists are pinned above your head.

“I’m going to hell for this.”

“Love, you’re already here.”

#obey me!#obey me #obey me lucifer #obey me mammon #obey me levi #obey me leviathan #obey me satan #obey me asmo #obey me asmodeus #obey me beel #obey me beelzebub #obey me smut #obey me belphie #obey me belphegor #obey me diavolo #obey me solomon #obey me simeon #obey me barbatos

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bahrlee · 4 years

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Suck the Blood to my Wound - Beok AU

Hello LGBTQ+ community it is chapter time

🦇🦇🦇Chapter 23: The Okay Summer🦇🦇🦇

Summer was coming to a glorious climax. People started leaving their summer homes in town and driving or flying back to wherever they came from. The sun was starting to inch it's way to the other side of the earth at an earlier time. Though he had friends to distract him, the dread in the back of his mind was present. Sure, the weather will stay the same. It was much different than its impact up north where the snow caked everything in sight and melted into cold water into your shoes and onto the roads, eroding the cement and creating potholes that are shotily filled with tar, snow shoveled up into dirty, muddy piles on the side of the road, and freezing dogs feet to the point where they limp back inside, shivering. Yet he still felt the pain of the mere existence of a fall and a winter. The days were shorter, and that's all that mattered to him. The nightmares were worse. Things that were sad were even sadder. Things that were scary were now terrifying, and things that concerned him turned him into a paranoid mess.

Then, all of a sudden, September First. Right there, on his calendar in big blocky letters right above a picture of a tree with a tire swing hanging off from one of the branches. He let out his first defeated sigh of this era. He wasn't there yet, the sun was just out long enough to keep him out of this miserable rut, but it was soon. Very soon. He felt it right behind him.

"Beach, are you okay?" Dook asked him when seeing him on this day, the way he looked down at the floor with a hopelessness Dook didn't get to see on him yet.

He shrugged, unable to really describe the feeling of impending emptiness. "Just the seasons changing, that's all. And I still miss Roxy."

Dook nodded. At least with the sun setting, they had a little more time they could spend together. The streetlights were just turning on, the sky a bluish violet, the stars beginning to blink through the ominous grey clouds overhead. They didn't really know what they were doing, but that was something they always figured out along the way. Walking together, was all they wanted to do, holding hands, talking, and laughing. Getting their mind off of things.

"You're not a big fan of change, are you?" He said.

He shook his head yes. "I get so used to things when they're one way, that it's hard sometimes to do it another. I've gotten better, but sometimes I can't help but want to scream about it."

"It's hard, yeah." Dook sighed. "You didn't seem like the anxious type when I first met you."

"I…. Get that quite a bit."

They swung their locked hands back and forth, picking up their pace a little bit. A car trundled by and turned a corner. Neon red and blue 'open' signs were beginning to flicker off as places began to close. Tonight was a very humid night, a definite sign it was going to rain soon. And here they were, outside, surrounded by close or closing buildings, with no umbrella. It was no surprise to them when it started to sprinkle. Then, the rain started to grow heavy, causing them to run, in a mess of giggles, in search of a place to hide under.

They found a place under an awning, soaked and out of breath. They were quiet for a long moment---the two watched it rain, their hands still intertwined. Beach turned to Dook, his eyes clouded and unfocused.

"I like the rain." Dook said quietly.

"We needed it."

"Yeah, we did."

Beach unhooked their hands and put his arm around Dooks waist. It was different, touching someone when their clothes were wet, and sticking to their skin, and when their hair was damp and frizzing. Maybe because they were cold (which in this case Dook was even colder) and shivering, and so touching felt different. It was, overall, just a different experience. He felt Dook lean his head on his shoulder. "This is the first uh…. Kinda decent summer I've had in awhile."

"Really?"

"I-I mean---yeah, I met you, I got away from Rolfe a couple of times, this summer has been…. Okay."

"Hard to have an okay summer when you can't really go into the sun." Beach remarked.

"....true." Dook said. "But I'd rather focus on what happened that was good. There are things that would've made it better, but if okay is all I can get, I'm taking it."

"You deserve a better summer." Beach said, leaning his head down on top of his. "I'd give you a better summer if I could."

"You already have."

"An even better one, then."

The sound of the rain patting against the fabric of the awning and the water pouring out of the gutters filled their ears as they watched another car go by, a tire sloshing through a puddle building up in the curb. The rain felt like it would never stop, but that was okay for them.

🦇🦇🦇

Mitzi rushing into his house, unnerved, was always a warning sign. "I found a dead member of my pod nearby…" she squeaked. "They were bleeding out, in their sea form, they had salt all over them….I dragged them into the ocean and back home, for my aunts to take care of it. But…"

"Oh no, Mitzi, I'm sorry...." Beach said.

"I wish we couldn't sense each other like this. I wish our disguises were used to hide from them, too. But whatever, senses give it away, and someone I know ends up dead."

"Are you sure it was Rolfe?" He asked.

"Well if it were Dook he'd have a lot of explaining to do, hes squeamish. Rolfes a wimp, but he's proven to be a cold hearted killer." Her hands were shaking her eyes couldn't focus on one thing, shifting everywhere as her mind grappling with the unadulterated fear she was feeling. "I'm really scared, what if he finds my aunts? What if he kills them too?"

"Mitzi, don't get paranoid." He gently put his hands on her shoulders, like an uncle trying to cheer up their upset niece who just scraped her knee falling off her bike.

She was beginning to cry, unable to handle the dear she was having.

"Oh Mitzi…." Beach said quietly.

"I can't help but feel like something bad is going to happen." She sniffled.

Beach didn't really know what to say---considering how many bad things happened already, he couldn't blame her for suspecting even more bad things to come about. She copied the defeated expression he gave her in solidarity. No positive or hopeful quote or saying could make them feel any better.

"Let's just make sure we don't get hurt." He said.

She nodded solemnly, hanging her head low afterwards. He didn't really know what to do. He wasn't much of a hugger, but she needed one. He was willing to put his disdain aside to give her one. Paternal instincts were something he's gained from this whole narrative. She hugged back, her hands clinging to him like a child.

"I won't let anything bad happen to you." He said. Her aunts will kill me if I do, he thought.

"I want fruit roll ups." She whined, wiping away her black tears when she let go.

"Oh my god…. I don't have those."

She began to tear up again.

"Oh my god, Mitzi…."

"I want fruit roll ups…."

This is what it must've felt like to have a teenage sister. All she did was worry, eat, and cry, and he had to deal with it. He didn't mind though. He cared for her, even when she was being this way. So when she snagged her arms around him again, he didn't push her away.

"You wanna watch a movie?" He said.

"Camp rock?" She looked up at him, her inky tears staining his shirt.

"Sure, if you want."

"The weird fish movie then?"

He paused for a moment. "That movie will make you feel worse."

"But it's animated!"

"That means nothing."

"Fine…. We can watch camp rock."

"I…. Have other movies besides the fish movie and camp rock."

She didn't respond, buried her head into his shirt, and kept hugging him. He stroked the back of her head, confused but sympathetic. "Camp Rock it is, I guess."

🦇🦇🦇

He poured Mitzi a glass of Tropicana fruit punch, since she was craving something fruity and was quite dehydrated after crying the way she did. She drank it the way a kid did---no stopping for breath, just wheezing into the cup as she drank, the soothing feeling of a beverage going down your throat after a cry was an immaculate one. She also wrapped herself with a blanket. He didn't know whether he should be glad, or scared that she was becoming comfortable enough that she could make herself at home. He put on camp rock, since she was convinced for some reason it was the only movie to exist, and she stared at it, like how he did at Peanuts holiday specials as a kid and sometimes still as an adult, her eyes still red from the crying. She seemed so innocent when she was like this. She was so fragile, and naive, so much like the kid she was. He knew deep down she knew a lot, she dealt with a lot, and she did a lot, but, a lot like Dook, she was still a kid. She was still learning many things, and maturing in the sense of how she dealt with things.

"Are you feeling a little better?" He asked her, when she finished her drink.

"I guess. A little bit. I don't know." She pulled the blanket tighter around herself.

"Ah, got it." He leaned back.

"I'm starting to see why my aunts are so protective of me now…." She sighed, hunching over and bundling her legs up into her blanket as if she were cocooning herself. "It really is dangerous up here. Fish are assholes, but…. Werewolves are worse."

He gave her a pat on the shoulder.

They continued to watch camp rock in an odd silence. Mitzi's eyes began to droop, growing increasingly tired. Curled up into a little ball, she fell sideways, asleep. Beach smiled, and continued to watch the movie in the quiet, letting her rest. There was nothing like the feeling of sleeping off an unwanted cry. Those kinds of cries always induced headaches and fatigue, dehydration, feelings of hopelessness…. Basically, crying when distressed like how Mitzi was resulted in medication side effects. It was the mind's confusing way of releasing confusingly painful and stressful emotions. She deserved her rest.

An hour after the move ended, she woke back up, looking disoriented and confused. "Where am i?" She asked.

"My house."

"Oh. That's right."

Beach smiled. "Let's getcha home." he got up, pulling her off the couch, the blanket falling to her knees. She tripped her way out of it, still sleepy, and sulking from her bad mood. She was quiet in the car, just as she was when he first drove her to the sea that first tonight they met. It suddenly hit him how long it has been since he met her.

He dropped her off, she waved goodbye, and ran off to the Beach and into the ocean, to be seen again whenever.

He got out of his car himself and climbed up to the roof, taking in the night. He was going to miss this when the nightmares parked their way into his mind for the next 6 months. The loud crickets and frogs, looking at the stars, the feeling of, even in complete darkness, safety, and security. Without the feeling something was lurking behind him. Although, this time, there was something lurking behind him. He was jolted by a thunk on his car from behind him. And there was Rolfe, a sly, knowing smile on his face. Beach felt his heartbeat gain traction, his guard flipping up as he tried to keep a brace face while looking back at him.

"Interesting to find you out here. Visiting her again?" He asked. The tone of his voice was unpleasant.

"Just got her home. Seems just in time too." He swallowed, suspicious, nervous, and anything else he could possibly be in this moment.

"Did she like my surprise?"

"Wh---it was you, of course it was you!" He seethed. "She nearly had a panic attack from what you've done!"

He let out a pleasant laugh. "Glad to know. She's getting too cocky herself. Had to do what I did with you and send her a warning. I've seen her stalking Dook. She brought along a friend the most recent time, the friend being the one i…. Seasoned."

Beach almost threw up in his mouth from how terrible that threatening villain pun was. Then he wondered why Mitzi kept that detail from him. It explained her guilt a little more in depth, too.

"Right when I thought Dook was an airhead he decided to move to a place populated with sea monsters, knowing they'd become obstacles. I should've known better than to think a vampire, any vampire, wasn't cunning in some way." He monologues, mostly just to hear himself talk. Beach still listened, though, as he was afraid to run, this was his car, and he liked hearing Dook get complimented.

"He's pretty street smart. Thought you'd know that pretty well after all these years of following him." He snarked back.

"Watch it."

"Or what?"

"Do you want me to kill someone else near and dear to your heart?! You don't know what'll happen to me if I don't get Dook back in this next month! Its terrible!"

"In other words, wonderful to everyone else. What happens?" He asked.

"The mafia unit in this state starts hunting me down, too. I could get killed!" He said. "I've gotten every vampire I've ever hunted to break, and give in, but since the beginning, no wolf has been able to get under his skin! Not even the house of pain could get under his skin! And there are ways of torture there that involve literally doing that. The fact they don't give me backup for this guy makes me angry!"

"Every thought about why you can never get him to comply?"

"What?" He crossed his arms.

This was a surreal, diplomatic moment. Rolfe was showing some form of vulnerability, so he had to use that to at least in some way protect Dook, Mitzi, and whomever else.

"Well, for starters, he never wanted to be a vampire in the first place. And you caught him at the point of his life he was looking forward to. He was just starting to figure things out, he was going to get his life together. But right before he could even try, he was forced into all of this. Ever thought about what that's like, you're finally rising from the ashes, only to be taken and thrown into another fire? He must've been very optimistic, because of the fact it gave him such an urge to fight for so many years. He wants his old life back, and since he can't get it, the least he wants is to be left alone." He explained.

"Hmm…" Rolfe put a finger to his mouth, thinking. He didn't seem like the type to show remorse, but he was hoping for him to at least think. "It would explain why he's so relentless. Ever since the day the Boss wolf introduced him to the rest of the mafia, he struggled in his arms. You know how he escaped the house during his visit? He was buried alive in a box. He used the spikes on one of his bracelets, chiselled and broke his way out of the box, unburied himself, and made a run for it. I've never seen someone fight so hard to get away."

"Then why don't you let him get away? Tell the mafia he stepped into the sun, or he ate some garlic?" Beach questioned. "Why try, if he'll never break?"

"I have to at least try. The Boss Wolf is my father. He taught me how to capture even the most unrestful of vampires. He assigned me Dook because he believes in me. And if I fail, he wont go easy on me just because I'm his son. I'll end up as dead as the other wolves before me. I have to. This is my duty. I don't care if it takes until in 90, I'm going to get Dook back there somehow." Rolfe explained. "You really care about him this much you're trying to reason with the enemy?"

"Yeah, I do…." He really hoped Rolfe didn't know they were, in some way, an item.

He panicked to himself, a knowing grin on his face. "He's gonna break your heart, kid. I've seen this one too many times. He likes to fly in and out of relationships. He moves from town to town, falling in love and then having to leave them behind. From what my father learned about him, hes lovesick, but clumsy. You two will probably last as long as his last one."

A Beach shrugged not knowing how to respond with his words. Rolfe could sense his thinking, which only made his smile grow.

"Ha, don't even try to argue. You know it deep inside. Dook is only a small blip in your life as it will be in his, just like the other times. You'll remember him more as this seems to be your first big fling, but to Dook, it's just another name on a list. You're expecting a lot from a hussy, Beach. Get that through your brain. I thought you were smart." He sneered.

Beach looked at him intensely. He knew that wasn't the case for them, but it still damaged him to think that…. Maybe it was. If he didn't become a vampire, he was just going to be left behind as Dook moved away to get away from Rolfe again, and probably find somebody new. He was always telling himself he didnt care if it didn't work out in the long run, but it was like deep down inside, that was exactly what he wanted. He wanted it to be long term. He wanted him to stay here with him. He wanted to wake up next to him, run through the rain with him, hold his hands in a dark theater with him forever. But could that really happen? Was he too blinded by his own love to see that maybe this relationship didn't mean as much to him?

"Don't say I told ya so if you dont last for another couple months. It's best you just let Dook and I do our cat and mouse until he leaves again, leaving you stranded." He turned around and began to walk away.

"For someone who's been following him around for years, I'm assuming, you sure don't know that much about him."

Rolfe stopped and turned around, rolling his eyes, yet still intrigued by what he had to say.

"He has a past. He's done things he isn't proud of. But she's much more complex than you think." He hoped off of the top of the car. "You're idea of him is very…. Flat. Static. Two-dimensional. People change and learn. And although he's been stuck in the same mindset, I'm sure he's learned how to take things slower than he had in the past."

"Really? If you're taking it slow…. How many times have you slept together?"

Beach scoffed, and gave him a face of disgust. "That's a personal question."

"A couple times then, I'm guessing---"

"That is a personal question." He repeated his voice suddenly intense. "I don't get what the obsession is with that, so can you please shut the hell up about it!?"

Rolfe looked at him in shock. He didn't know he had it in him to raise his voice like that. "Very well then. Have your mindless fun. Act like he won't leave you in the dust. Move as fast as you like. But you've been warned. You have your Hopes too high."

He turned around again, and walked off, that stupid smile still on his face.

Beach cursed under his breath, unlocked his car, climbed in and drove home, feeling invaded, dumb, and cranky. His three least favorite things to feel.

#beok #fanfiction #rae au #beach bear #dook larue #the rock afire explosion

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impalababe-67 · 4 years

Text

Guardian Angel

What happened after Sam died in Cold Oak? Where did his soul, his spirit, go? And what did that have to do with what happened the day he was born? And the events that connected Dean to the supernatural back then, where no one could have imagined what the future held for the Winchester family.

My little idea of what happened while Sam was dead. I am someone who likes to see happy endings, who can do without blood and drama. There are plenty of those at SPN. Still, it got tense. And come on, who can resist a toddler Dean?!

“Ka was like a wheel, its one purpose to turn, and in the end it always came back to the place where it had started.” ― Stephen King, The Waste Lands

May 2nd, 1983

The little boy looked around in confusion, he had only turned around for a moment to look at the colourful pictures on the wall and now his dad was just gone. He turned and looked around, hoping to find him among all the other people. But no matter how hard he tried he just couldn't see him anywhere. He felt fear creeping up inside him because he didn't know what to do now. So he waited. After a few minutes his heart was beating up to his neck and his eyes just wouldn't keep the tears in.

>Maybe his dad didn't come anymore ? Or maybe they had already forgotten about him because mommy had a new baby today. No, his dad would never do such a thing, he had promised him tomorrow to help him put the bed together for his little brother. <

Suddenly a woman was standing next to him. Her black hair was strictly tied back and although she smiled, she looked somehow scary. He flinched as she bent down and touched his shoulder.

"Hello, Dean," she said, still smiling.

"How do´ya know my name?" he asked in surprise.

"Your daddy sent me, he's been looking all over for you. Come with me, I'll take you to him." She grabbed him by the arm and took him with her.

Dean followed the stranger, let her guide him through the turmoil of people and was more than surprised when he returned to the parking lot. She now walked faster and led him further away from the hospital. He got a strange feeling, because he should not go with strangers, but when the woman said she would bring him to his dad he just didn't think about it anymore. But when she now headed towards a strange car with him the strange feeling changed into fear. And when a man dressed all in black got out of the red car, Dean only felt panic. Desperately he struggled against the grip of the stranger, but she was too strong for him and just pulled him along.

"Help," he began to scream as loud as he could. Unexpectedly the woman turned around, her face was no longer friendly. Dean looked at her with shock widened eyes as she grabbed him by his jacket andstarted to lift him up. He was petrified, he was hanging stiff in the grip of the stranger, could not understand what was happening to him here. Where was his dad? Why didn't anyone help him? That´s all he could think about, when the stranger was above him.

Suddenly a shadow appeared above them, two big hands grabbed the woman's arms and loosened her grip from Dean's parka. The little boy was so surprised that he stumbled backwards against the stranger's legs. Astonished, he looked up to see who the other one was, but was distracted by the angry scream of the woman.

"How dare you?" she nagged the man who was still holding her arms. Her face was a grimace of spite and Dean saw that something was wrong with her eyes. They were all black.

"You better get lost now Demon and tell that yellow-eyed bastard to find someone his own size," said the man as he grabbed Dean gently by the shoulder with one hand and pressed him even closer.

"You worm, who do you think you are? You will not deprive me of my prey," she cried out, "I will..." Suddenly she stopped. She jerked back in fear of the man. Dean could hear him say something to her, but it was words he didn't understand. It sounded strange, but the woman backed away even more and pulled a face as if she felt pain, even the man at the car behaved like that. Then the black-haired woman spun around and ran to the red car and before Dean knew it, it raced away with squealing tires.

The little boy was still standing on the spot, overwhelmed with the things he had just seen and experienced. He stared up at the stranger, undecided what to make of him. Dean was about to run away when he looked down at him. Dean had to stretch his head far back to look into the face of the stranger. The stranger smiled, but unlike the woman, it was not wrong.

"You okay, kiddo?"

Dean wanted to say 'Yes' but his head shook to a very determined 'No' he sobbed and hot tears ran down his face.

"I wan´my daddy." Was all he said before he buried his face in the man's jeans. He felt himself being lifted slowly and the other one stroked him in little circles across his back. He did it the way his dad always did with him. He needed something to calm him down until he could be sure that he was no longer in danger. On the arms of the stranger he felt safe and when he looked at him now he didn't find him so strange anymore. The man smiled at him again and this time Dean smiled back.

"Shall we go and find your dad?"

"Do ya know where he is?" Dean asked.

"No, but I think he's still in the hospital."

"How do you know?"

"Because his car's still there." The man then pointed in one direction and Dean immediately recognised his father's black car. "And I hardly think he'd go anywhere without you."

"Ya twhink so?" Dean asked astonished. "Cause I twhink he's forgotten me. He was jus´ gone earlier and I waited, but he didn't come, just dis woman and she has... and she has." Dean's throat was suddenly tight as the experience reappeared in his mind's eye, he felt tears rising up again. The man stopped and held him tightly.

"Hey, buddy, don't cry. Everything went well after all. I was there. "And Dad didn't forget you. Why would you think that?"

Dean looked at the man's face again with a blurry look.

"Mom had a new baby today and maybe they don't wanna anymore. Dad was so happy, he ploably hasn't even noticed that I'm gone," he said in a husky voice while pulling up his snot.

"You believe that? I rather think he's already turned the whole hospital upside down. He certainly didn't forget you, he probably just couldn't find you. You know, sometimes people lose track of each other, even when they don't really want to. And it takes a while for them to find each other again. You know what I mean? He didn't do it on purpose, you're the best he's got."

"Really?"

Dean pushed himself a little further away so he could get a better look. Though long locks of hair hung down his face, he could see the soft features behind it and a strange glint in his eyes. He believed him. Dean smiled and the other smiled back broadly. Dean liked that smile.

"Sure!" he said. "Besides, today is a very special day."

"It is?"

"Well, now, look. Didn't anyone ever tell you? You had a little brother today, didn't you?"

"Yeah?"

"And that automatically makes you his big brother!"

"Is twhat good?" Dean couldn't quite follow the man, and was amazed when he rolled his eyes, like he was saying something stupid.

"Of course it's good."

"Why?"

"Well, I have a big brother. And it's the very best thing that can happen to you."

"Why?"

"Because big brothers can show you everything, because they already have knowledge and can explain a lot of things. You can play with them and have fun and they'll take care of you. So if I didn't have my big brother, I'd be pretty much screwed sometimes..."

Dean had followed the man's words with open mouth, what he was telling him were things he didn't even know yet. He had to tell his parents everything when he got back to them.

He was back at the hospital with the colorful pictures, he hadn't even noticed how they had come back here. He had not noticed the many people around him. He felt safe and secure in the arms of the man who still told him how great it was to have a big brother.

"...and you know what the best part is?"

Dean shook his head.

"You're never alone!"

The stranger took a long look at him and Dean found that he suddenly looked kind of sad. He was about to ask him about it when the man blinked and looked away.

"Hey, buddy, look over there. It's your daddy."

The blond boy tilted his head that way and then he saw his dad. He was standing at the end of a long hallway talking to some people, waving his hands wildly. Dean screamed as loud as he could for his dad but the noise around him was too strong and he didn't seem to hear him.

The man put Dean on the floor and he wanted to go immediately, he had to tell his dad so much and he wanted to see his little brother and his mom. But he had forgotten something else. He spun around and threw himself around the big man's neck. He lifted him up again and pressed the small thin figure firmly against him.

"Twhank you," Dean whispered in his ear.

"I have you to thank, Dean." Came back even quieter before the stranger released the boy from his embrace.

Dean now looked at the man with a tilted head.

"How do ya know my name?"

"Well you told me your name yourself earlier!"

"Really?"

"I think so," the other laughed.

"And what´s your name?"

The man seemed to think for a moment, then reached out his hand to him, just like the grown-ups did.

"Sam" Dean shook his hand as best he could because Sam's hands were huge. Which meant he wrapped his hand around Sams index finger.

"Now you better run along before we have to find your dad again."

Part of Dean wanted to rush right in, but he wanted to ask Sam something else.

"Will I see ya again?" He had this serious look on his face. Sam was still kneeling, a big dimpled grin on his face at the question.

"I'm pretty sure we will."

Seconds later, the boy made his way through the grown folks' legs. He missed Sam already, because if he was still being carried by him, he certainly wouldn't have such problems. He heard his dad before he even saw him and started calling out for him again. Unexpectedly strong hands tore him into the air, for a moment he thought Sam had followed him, but then he looked into his dad's eyes.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

"Oh God boy! Where have you been?" was all John could say before he hugged him tight. He ignored the questioning looks of the hospital staff who he had just yelled at because they told him not to worry. He held Dean as tight as he could and almost ran back into the room where his wife was lying. He heard his son saying over and over again that he was fine and that he had to tell him something. But that could wait, first Mary had to see that her angel was with them again.

Mary was still quite battered from the birth, and when Dean disappeared, John thought his wife would collapse. But when Dean came running towards her with a bright "Mommy" and buried his face in her curls, all the worry lines on her face disappeared and she was as beautiful as ever.

"Jesus, John! Where was he? I nearly died of worry! Is he all right?"

"I think so." Then he pulled the little one away from Mary to have a closer look.

"Dean are you all right? What happened?"

Dean's eyes lit up like emeralds as he took a deep breath and began to talk.

He told him that he couldn't find John anymore, that a strange woman just wanted to take him away, that Sam had suddenly shown up to help him, that Sam had explained to him that he is now a big brother and that this is something very important and great and that Sam helped him to find John again.

"...and Sam is huge, I coulda see over all da people. Daddy? You listening?" he suddenly asked insecurely.

John kept giving his wife looks. He had expected everything, but nothing like this. Dean was only four years old and as strangely as the story that had just been told to him sounded. He could hardly believe that his son had made it up. He absolutely had to talk to this ominous Sam.

"Yes, I am listening to you. Tell me, is this Sam still here?"

"Maybe. I twhink you'd like him!"

"Come on, let's take a look. If he's really that big, we should be able to find him easily."

He took his boy in his arms and a little later he was searching the hallways with him.

"Sam!" Dean suddenly screamed in a frenzy, before John could react, the boy wriggled out of his grip and flew towards the exit. He followed him as best he could without knocking anyone down. Then he saw him. Tall, slender, brown hair that hung almost like a curtain on his face, beige jacket, light-coloured shirt, hands buried deep in his pockets. He stood leaning against the wall next to the entrance, although he was truly tall, somehow he hardly stood out. Had he not been drawn to him by his child, he would not have noticed him at all.

The man bent down and picked Dean up. Dean seemed to say something to him, because suddenly his child turned around and waved to John. The latter now stopped and smiled at his son. The man also looked in his direction. John didn´t know what to think of him, this Sam just stood there and looked at him. At least he thought so, he was still quite a distance away from them and the other one was standing in the shadows somehow, so he couldn't see much of his face.

Then the stranger detached himself from the wall and turned to face the exit, when John's gaze fell on his broad back, his breath faltering. John had been in the war, he had seen enough wounds to know one when he saw one. This one was fresh, and it had to be deep. The beige jacket and part of his jeans were soaked in the shiny red liquid.

"Hey! Stop!" he shouted. But the probably badly injured man just kept walking until he disappeared in the night with Dean seated on his hip. John started fighting his way through the E.R. no matter what the cost. The boy needed help and as soon as possible. Why wasn't one of the doctors here aware of this injury?

Finally, he stormed out the electric door. He let his eyes wander and found Dean. His child stood alone under one of the lanterns just a few meters away and seemed to be all in his thoughts.

"Dean, where's Sam?" he asked as he knelt before him.

The boy looked at him sadly.

"Gone."

"Gone?! Where did he go?"

"He said he can't stay."

John didn't understand what the boy wanted to tell him, so he quickly searched the area. After a few minutes he gave up, there was no trace of the man. He had hoped to find blood on the ground, but there was nothing, it was as if the stranger had vanished into thin air. He returned to Dean.

"Did he say anything else?"

"Yeah, he said to give ya something else." Dean looked at his father strangely. John felt goose bumps running down his body. He didn't know exactly what had happened today, but it scared him somehow. And the way Dean was looking at him now, that's a look no four-year-old should ever get.

Dean suddenly hugged his father, he squeezed him so tightly that he knew he would bruise. He could feel Dean's heartbeat, it was fast and light, as if a hummingbird was trapped in his chest. Then he released the grip.

"Was that it?" he asked him, more than astonished.

"Yes."

"And he said nothing else? He just walked away?"

"Yes, he did. He said he misses you. "But ya shouldn't worry about twhat. And he'd like to change it all, but he can't. He was only allowed to change twhings once. Uh, kinda like dis. Sorrwy, Dad, I didn't get it all."

"And that one time was today?!"

"I guess so."

John looked at the boy with big eyes, he couldn't make any sense of what had just happened.

"Dad?"

John looked back at his child.

"Can I see ma wlittle brother now?"

A feeling of electric shock came over him, he'd forgotten his wife and newborn baby because of the incident. All of a sudden, all his worries were just gone. He got up in a hurry, grabbed Dean by the hand and ran back.

"Dad?"

John stopped and stared down at Dean.

"Yes?"

What´s his name?"

"His name is...... Sam."

24 years later...

The awakening was abrupt, he didn't know where he was. Images shot through his brain like from a dream, he briefly saw a hospital, a little blond boy smiling, his dad. The impressions faded too quickly, he couldn't hold them. They were completely blocked out by the agony he felt in his back. He lay still, trying to breathe through the sharp pain.

Then he straightened up, oriented himself. He was in a room that smelled old, the wallpaper was already peeling off the wall. He lay on a bed and he was alone. Slowly he sat up, carefully taking off his jacket. It was full of blood, just like the bare mattress he was sitting on. Memories flooded back to him, the demon, Ava, Andy, Jake. Slowly he walked towards the old mirror, he could now remember the pain and Dean.

"Dean?"

No answer. And that scared him. He was afraid of the memories that were becoming clearer, of what was under his shirt and the fact that his brother wasn't there.

He gritted his teeth when he pulled up his shirt. He discovered a long red scar that seemed to be healing, but the pain was so strong that it felt as if it was still fresh. Confused, he pulled his eyebrows together and had to swallow hard several times.

Unexpectedly the door opened and Dean appeared. Sam looked at him in surprise when he saw his strange look.

"Sammy?" he asked softly.

"Hey." He could only answer.

Seeing his brother standing there like that, he couldn't understand why he was just afraid to be alone. A strange feeling came over him, like he'd forgotten something. But when Dean suddenly came up to him and hugged him, it disappeared. He was not alone.

When you have a brother, you're never alone.

Thanks for reading. Let me know what you think.

I wrote this little story, way back in 2008.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/25357453

#supernatural #spn fanfiction #fanfic #all hell breaks loose #protective sam #Sam Winchester #dean winchester #john winchester #john is sweet #mary winchester #toodlerdean #weechesters #family and fluff #fluff #archive of our own #spnfandom #spn #brotherly bonding

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lalunangel · 4 years

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I guess there’s this song.. and one more by him that I heard and I was hooked... back then my ideas on love were negative. I knew what my mom and dad did and I thought love was dead. The first boy I had ever been in love with cheated on me with a thuggish girl.. told me I was too soft.. said I wasn’t worth the year and 9 months he spent with me. In a weird way I wanna day it broke me but I didn’t have a song to put it to.. other than “I’ve given up on you by Real friends.” It was the only way I could identify it being over. I’m sure I cried over him. I’m almost positive I still had hope I was capable of loving rightly. Every guy after him though was just a game.. and they always cheated on me and I’d move on like it didn’t happen. My first abusive relationship happened when I was 12.. he would hit me and I accepted it but I knew I didn’t love him. I dated Angel C.. and he’s the one who made flowers bloom in my head and heart... then when we were freshman he did what he did and I think it was the first time I was actually sad I lost someone romantically. I moved on and played games with other boys. Andrew V.. used to hit me and emotionally abuse me and manipulate me into feeling like I absolutely needed to isolate myself. He shows me Chance the Rapper but I never correlated the music with him. I didn’t love him I just loved the freedom I felt with him... and the fear probably excited me back then because I hadn’t experienced anything. I was 15... going on 16. I dated De... and that was just a poor excuse but this was during the summer where I got to experience freedom for real.. my mom gave me up. Dropped me... and I got to skate all day and night and I spent days with him. I knew I wasn’t in love but I know that when I think about him “Let it go by James Bay” plays in my head.. he’s the silent breeze that creases your face. Makes you wanna chance the sun or stars.. he makes living feel like the spiritual feeling exists. But he’s not a good lover. He’s a friend and that’s it.. until he can find another emotonally depending human just like himself.. a level of clingy I can’t reach.. but never in his life would he hit me. The next big I dated was my current boyfriend Guillermo.. it didn’t last because we were together the whole school year but after May ended I realized he wasn’t going to text me back so we just fell off. Never actually said it was over but both knew we were done. I dated Tyler.. Tyler was scary and worse than any other boy I had dated.. on purpose made me feel small and spat me out and chewed me up.. hurt me.. actually.. when I think about him I feel cold.. like although we playing during that summer.. I was stuck in winter with him.. “Bloom by The Paper Kites” was probably the only song I felt but not because I felt love... I felt like love was far away and distant from me.. and that it was leaving me in a nasty haze of craze.. I wanted to be something to him but the more I tried the less interested I became.. he said that I should’ve killed myself a lot. Wouldn’t let me text anyone. Always on the phone even when I was at school when it finally came back around.. I shook under the pressure of him.. I was walking on eggshells but I didn’t do much else.. I called it off one day and blocked him. I got texts from our mutual friends saying how I owe him. I owe no man a damn thing especially when I’ve given my fucking all. I was the beautiful ripe age of 16 when I made that choice. I won’t put his name in this for personal reasons but my ex.. I dated him before I got back with Guillermo.. but we broke up because he cheated on me with her. And I didn’t have the energy. So “I don’t love you anymore by Real Friends” was his song. I would play it every time he sat next to me or made excuses to try and touch me. Someone told her he cheated on her with me and i was livid because it was the opposite but I just decided whatever they chose to say is what will be. He told her sorry as if he actually did it that way but never apologized to me. But I kept it bottled. I dated Guillermo again once I was 17

There’s still no song to match the love or the break up. It was mutual yet again an understanding but I know I would cry to the sad songs on the radio and on my phone but none of them were actually reserved for him. So.. I dated Dominic. I know I dated way too much for someone so young but I was still trying to test waters and see if my affection was real.. or if I was just like my mom. “Flower (Acoustic) By Vanna.” Was his song.. I had fallen in love with him quickly.. I hadn’t even noticed at first. But once I heard this song I cried because I knew that everything was biased and placed around him. I loved him. I was too young and too foolish. I don’t like people who try to fix me so when we broke up... I didn’t have a song for him. I just said “I don’t want to say I loved you enough to waste my time” but I did. I loved him so deeply.. he cheated on me too and I didn’t feel much towards it. It meant nothing. Senior year I dated my ex. I didn’t listen to music as much. Actually I would only play “Relax and focus” music.. it had scared me. I guess this time around I had decided that “I know it’s over By The Smiths” was the song I wanted to put labeled on out “love” but I wasn’t sure if I had loved him still. It was just convenient. He cheated on me yet again and I took some time from dating. I just hung out with my friends.. I guess this is when I found “Ocean of Stars by Demxntia” and I had wanted to be in love with someone so much that this had its own happiness around it.. but all yeh boys asking weren’t worth the ache and I wasn’t about to be stupid again. So I had given myself time and only hung out with people inside and outside of school.. Guillermo quickly became my favorite again.. we’d do homework together and laugh.. and we’d see movies.. take naps in his car. Go out to eat. During lunch we’d go check on his dog and mine. I didn’t realize that it was going to happen but one day while he was walking around market street with me he held my hand quickly and said “I have to tell you something” and I still didn’t have a song to dedicate to this poor boy.. at least not yet.. “Another you by Of Mice and Men” played one day while I was crying for my dad.. and i realized I wasn’t crying over him anymore... I was crying over you. I dated that ex again.. the stupid fool in me expected it to be okay and work out but it didn’t.. and I dated Dominic again but you could never love these people.. ever again.. after the ache.. and i realized although I had lived dominic undoubtedly I didn’t love t-him in that way. Then I found “The words I should’ve said by Demxntia” and I had thought about you.. Guillermo.. and I realize all these songs I’ve dedicated to other boys hadn’t even been the words I wanted to give them.. they just were the words I couldn’t find in myself to give to you.. they were the awkward declarations I couldn’t give to you yet because we never broke each other.. but the time we did... I did regret it. I loved you. This was the first time we left and it wasn’t mutual or understood- it was angry. The only time I had felt hurt by you. I didn’t need to give you songs back then. Didn’t need to label you or stamp you.. you were my forever and I should’ve saw that.. you were the only decent one.. all the love songs I gave them were songs I wanted to scream at you.. and when we finally started talking again... I felt so relieved.. I didn’t think things would go back to normal but when they did.. when you said you loved me.. I couldn’t be anymore grateful. I know it’s late and I’m making a stupid music post about my dumb history.. but I took so long to figure out who I really am. Way too long to figure out if I was able to love or not.. and I have.. and I carry them with me always but I sometimes skip the songs because I don’t accept broken hearts anymore. I just want to feel like I exist in joy... and you’ve done that. And I’ve worked hard to get here.

#music

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