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chaoxfix · 2 years

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The last conversation between Tails and the Resistance members before he went off on his own 👀

h . how is this ask . 21 days old. hi. sorry. i didnt forget about this i just lost track of time ^^;;;;

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Knuckles is nursing a sprained shoulder, and the tech Tails had used to reinforce Amy’s hammer is broken. Tails’s hands don’t feel as steady as they usually do as he holds the broken remains. The remains that could have easily been Amy instead. Amy herself is not unscathed – she’s sporting bandages around one knee, and Tails doesn’t dare ask what happened.

They’re back at Resistance HQ, safe and relatively sound. But as they debrief together –talk about the ground they lost, the ramifications that will trickle down because of it – Tails’s ears ring.

Knuckles and Amy are far too calm about this. Calm, and tired. Amy leans heavily against her chair. Knuckles lets out the occasional grunt as he shifts his ice pack. After three, nearly four months of this, they look awful.

Tails is not used to heroes who show the strain.

“You- you should let me make you armor,” Tails blurts.

Amy turns around quickly, on guard every moment after being their most consistent fighter for weeks on end. Knuckles takes longer; languidly, calmly turning his chair to stare him down.

“Armor?” Amy asks, brows furrowing. “Do we really need it? We lost today because we didn’t have enough support, not because we got hit a lot, Tails.”

Tails can’t help but look down at her knee. Amy’s expression sours.

“That’s not fair, it was a cheap-shot when we were already retreating,” she says. “Besides, this really is nothing, it’ll heal in a day or two, and I was already planning on taking a few days organizing our supplies and strategizing-”

“Armor would just slow us down,” Knuckles interrupts, before Amy can continue to needlessly defend herself. “It’s not just the amount of support. We’re just not fast enough.”

“I – I could figure out a way to make it light,” Tails says. “It doesn’t have to slow you down. Maybe you could even go faster if you weren’t afraid of getting hit-?”

“Neither of us are afraid of getting hit,” Knuckles says bluntly. Amy’s cheeks have puffed out in indignation at the very idea.

Tails knows he’s offended them. And he knows he’s too young, too inexperienced; they think he’s just afraid. That he’s just being a coward. And worse, a coward who wants them to be more cowardly, too-

“I’m not saying you're afraid, it’s just – you wouldn’t have to be careful. Or as careful. You should still be careful though, it’s just one protective measure, one way to make sure nothing really bad happens, all you'd need is to wear some polysynthetic clothing maybe, I already have designs, the fabric wouldn't be too hot or too difficult to make, I promise, it'll just protect you-”

It’s Amy who cuts him off before he spirals. “Tails!” She interjects, standing despite her knee injury, arms at her sides. Tails didn’t even notice her move. “We’re not using armor. Okay? Besides, you’re working on more defense weapons anyways, so our field defense is going to be plenty strong. No rush on finishing, I know you’ve been working hard. We can hold out for a little longer.”

Knuckles frowns. “Some rush,” he says.

Amy shoots him a death glare. “No. No rush. We’re holding out just fine.”

Tails has already reached for his tails, hoping for a comfort mechanism. His best, greatest comfort mechanism is gone; this will have to do. The fact that his tails have lost some of their fluff from the constant over-grooming is neither here nor there.

“I’m working on them,” he says. “But- It would just – if you guys just had a little armor…”

Amy’s shoulders droop. “We don’t need armor, Tails,” she says, because they all know what their team really needs. There's a different missing piece, but that's something they're not going to get back, not any time soon. She steps forward, only limping a little. But she must see something in Tails’s face, because she frowns, brows pinching together. “...Are you okay? Did something-?”

Knuckles interrupts. He’s out of his seat, too – leaning his hips against the table for stability, keeping the ice pack on his shoulder. “We’re going to be fine, Tails. I know you’re scared, but trying to overcompensate with the rest of us will only make it worse.”

“I- I’m not…”

Knuckles rests a heavy hand on Tails’s shoulder. “It’s not going to bring him back.”

“I know that!” Tails pulls away as roughly as he can, with the world feeling so big and so small at the same time. “The only way to bring him back is to find him, but I need your help-”

Knuckles and Amy give each other a significant look. Tails doesn't know what Amy looks like, but it seems to only steel Knuckles's resolve, because-

“He’s dead, not missing.”

Tails’s ears ring again.

He almost misses the way Amy rises from her spot and gets close to Knuckles, reaching for his wrist. “Knuckles- Stop, now isn’t the time.”

“When will it be?”

“Any day after this,” Amy hisses. “He’s upset-”

“And he won’t stop being upset until he can move on! Pretending Sonic’s still alive isn’t going to help anything!”

Tails doesn’t run. He stands, stock still, despite the floor trying hard to swallow him up. Despite the way Knuckles looks at him, making him want to bury himself alive.

“He’s dead because he didn’t get out in time,” Knuckles says firmly. He reaches for Tails’s arms, and Tails can’t manage to shake him off. “Slowing us down with armor won't get us out any faster than he did.”

Tails’s shoulders only get more tense. He hasn’t really felt relaxed since - well. Since the last few months. But the urge to throw up is new.

There’s no mincing Knuckles’s phrasing. All he wants is for Tails to move on. But all it does is spark memories of exactly what those last moments were. Sonic, being kicked between four opponents, with powers that didn’t match what they had historically held. Opponents that were impossible. All their worst nightmares come back to life, and living out their wildest dreams against their rival. Hitting him until he was done for. Until-

All it does is re-confirm Tails’s need to equip his friends with better armor.

Because it’s not that Sonic wasn’t fast enough. Never that Sonic wasn't fast enough. Imagine – thinking the issue was Sonic's speed. Never.

It’s that other fast opponents got the drop on him. That they ganged up on him, and used their combined strength to beat him to a pulp. Sonic was fast enough to outrun them, he could have left whenever. But he was stubborn enough to take one bad hit and not run away while he still could. And after that first hit, the rest just kept coming.

Armor would have helped.

“You weren’t there,” Tails says. He's stubborn, too. And he'll stay stubborn – Tails knows exactly who raised him. “You don’t know. You didn’t see it. It would have made a difference.”

“You don’t know that for sure,” Knuckles says. “Maybe it could’ve helped, or maybe it would’ve made it worse-”

“Worse?” Tails asks, vision blurring. “How could it have been worse? You’re the one who thinks he’s dead! What’s worse than Sonic dying?”

Knuckles grits his teeth. But he lets go of Tails’s arms, knowing that the little fox hates crying in front of his friends. Knuckles looks like there’s something he still wants to say. There’s significance in the way he stands over Tails, no longer holding him in a bruising grip. Looking like he wants to apologize for it, to protect him.

Tails realizes what Knuckles believes would’ve been worse than Sonic dying.

No. It couldn’t be that. Knuckles can’t be grateful that it was Sonic instead of losing both of them. It’s not fair. No one’s allowed to be grateful that Tails escaped, not when the guilt is eating him up from the inside.

Knuckles needs to blame him. They all need to blame him.

Amy surprises Tails, though. She stands behind him, hugging him oh so gently from behind.

It doesn’t help. Tails is way too old for hugs. They don’t make things better anymore. Not like they used to.

Tails swallows bile.

He thinks he might have said some of that out loud. They tell him he’s lost his grip these last few months, maybe he has. Maybe he’s talking to himself. Maybe he’s lost it. But he’s certainly not going to find it when everyone else refuses to blame him.

It has to be Tails’s fault.

Because-

Because, if it wasn’t-

Then that means there was really nothing he could’ve done.

And if there’s nothing he could’ve done, then there's nothing he can do now that it's Knuckles and Amy on the front lines.

He thinks he might still be talking out loud. Amy and Knuckles don't react, so Tails isn't sure. He steadies himself, just enough to speak out loud. Tries very hard to take control of himself again.

“I need,” Tails manages, with a trembling voice, and this time he's sure he's being heard. “I need to make armor for you guys.”

Tears well up in his eyes, and he tries so, so hard not to let them fall. But he blinks, and instead of blinking them back, they fall in a stream, wetting his fur. He knows Amy and Knuckles share a worried glance over his head. He’s not stupid. But he scrubs at his eyes and hiccups and he doesn’t resist when Amy holds him close and says soft words and presses her cheek against the back of his head.

Knuckles doesn't say a word – must know that this is something he can't help with.

"It's okay," Amy says, as Tails is finally starting to calm. "You can be sad-"

"I need to make armor for you," Tails says again, voice thick. "I need it."

“...Okay,” Amy finally says. And even Tails knows it's just a placating gesture. That they're probably not actually going to wear it. “Do you need us to stay for measurements?”

Tails shakes his head. “I just need–I need some time to make it.”

Amy hugs him a little tighter. “Okay,” she says. “Do you want us to go?”

No, Tails thinks. But they don’t move to go, so he thinks he didn’t say that part out loud.

He leans against her for a long moment. Eventually, the tears stop. He dries them up with the back of his hand, chest no longer heaving. “Yeah,” he says, now that he’s got control of himself. “You guys can go.”

“I asked if you wanted us to go. Not if we wanted to.”

Tails manages a hiccupping laugh. “It’s okay.”

“Tails-”

“Amy,” Knuckles finally says, cutting in. Tails feels the rush of embarrassment from being protected all at once, now that he remembers Knuckles is here. “He said he wants time.”

“That doesn’t mean space-”

“Actually,” Tails says. “Time - cant exist without space. So you can’t have one without the other-”

“So let’s give him some time and space,” Knuckles says. He walks closer, putting a hand on Amy’s shoulder.

Reluctantly, Amy lets go of Tails, though not without giving him one last squeeze. “Come to my room later, okay?” she asks, so, so earnestly. “If you want. I’ll keep it open, just for you.”

Tails looks up at her. Smiles, and really, genuinely thinks he might feel better if he goes to her tonight, and pours his heart out like she wants him to. Thinks that she’d like to feel like a good big sister, thinks that he might like feeling like a little brother again.

She’s going to be so upset when he leaves tonight, Tails thinks.

He pulls her into a quick hug, forward facing this time. He gives her a long squeeze, and hopes she won’t be too worried.

She ruffles the fur at the back of his head. “Hey, if you want to talk now,” she starts, and he almost gives in. “We-”

“No, it’s okay. I’m okay,” Tails says, and quickly pulls back. He smiles up at her, already making a list of the tools he should pack. “I don’t know what came over me. I’m okay. I just need to build something, it’s okay.”

He knows he’s repeating himself, that he’s overdoing it, overcompensating. It only makes them worry more. But Tails doesn’t quite know how to turn it off – the only alternative is to leave before he can make more of a mess of this. He just hopes they’ll be okay without him. He’s given them all the weapons he can – especially if they’re going to stop him from making the things that would really benefit them in this war.

“If you’re sure,” Knuckles says, because Amy is too indecisive about leaving to say another word.

To Tails’s surprise, Knuckles heaves a quiet sigh and lays a hand on Tails’s head before he goes. Tails thinks he’s lost time for a moment, because one instant, Knuckles is in front of him and so, so blue and warm and affectionate – and the next, he’s fifteen feet away, and Tails is still staring at him as he walks out with Amy in tow.

“Just- don’t overdo it tonight,” Knuckles says, still lingering in the doorway, even after Tails’s head goes cold after the affection has gone. “Get some rest. I’ll check on you in the morning. I promise.”

Tails smiles. “Don’t worry about it. I’ll probably sleep in for a while.”

Knuckles quirks a smile. Amy, lingering even more obviously than Knuckles, doesn’t.

Still – it’s enough to finally get them out the door. No more lingering in the doorway – no more checking on him. Knuckles is still icing his shoulder, and Amy is still limping down the hall to her room for some much needed rest. Finally, Tails is all alone again.

Now that the embarrassing part is over, he can start packing. And maybe, when he returns, he'll have redeemed himself enough that they'll forget how much he just fell apart.

Tails still feels the warmth of Amy's hug and the rumpled fur from Knuckles's hair ruffle. He doubts they'll forget.

But he hopes, somehow, that he can get strong enough – that he'll be right enough – that it won't matter anymore. He just can't do it here.

So he packs his rucksack, and finds his way into the starless night.

#chaoxfix

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anthroposeen · 1 month

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i finished red valley s2 (literally 30 seconds ago) and i have very swirly, conflicted, and bemused thoughts! this review is just gonna be some loosey goosey simplified thoughts on the season as a whole :)

i really enjoyed the format of the pacing this season, with the perspective switching from the future and aubrey's pov back to the past recordings, i thought it added a nice layer to the way information was revealed. i also just generally thought it was paced really well, especially considering the story is dealing in several time skips.

the character development this season was also delicious- i really didnt expect grace's sorta-redemption arc? and i really liked how aubrey's journey "out" of red valley was sort of a foil to both grace and briony's change in career directions. i also just loved the entirety of aubrey's arc in general, shes become my new favorite character and i think easily the most interesting one (and i hope she doesnt turn out to be another evil mad scientist in s3, i enjoy her as a morally sound grassroots terrorist, thanks).

im ashamed to say that i need briony desperately. "need" can be taken in many directions- as a lab specimen, as a lover, as an enemy, carnally, in a self disgusted manner, in a cage fight, as a medical prescription or psychiatric diagnosis. i simply need her. i love aubrey and i want to sit down with her and have a really long chat. but i want to beat briony's skull in with hammers and eat her entrails with my bare hands and teeth. i needed to confess this to god, to anyone reading these tags, and to whatever cruel power made this woman so perfect for being put in a blender.

as for warren and gordon, who i feel need to be picked apart as a unified entity, holy shit. i mean actually what the fuck is this. so we're just going to go with the fact that warren's brain is being turned to cherry slushie and hes been in hypersleep for 44 fucking years and everytime he re-wakes up he has to wonder why his best friend sounds like siri??? and gordon. gordon who has never gone under hypersleep and had the faulty meds used on him and has been in a cryonics tube for nearly half a century after being shot at close range. ok! ok!!! ok. right. so we just need to accept this and move on and not question it and not worry about it. my threat about killing everyone in the room and then myself upon gordon's demise very much still stands and i am fully prepared to take a leaf out of aubrey's book and approach this issue with a homemade flame thrower. at least waffles is fine (also, that's my cat's name, so thats fun!!)

overall, i really ate this season up and im so very scared to start s3. like actually terrified. but what a wonderfully written and crafted show!!! im losing my mind and going full yellow wallpaper!! congrats to the team behind this!!

#red valley #red valley podcast

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bridgyrose · 3 months

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Sugar Rush Angst

(I still need to actually name this one)

Nora slammed a mug down onto her table, ready to give up trying to find Ruby. No matter how many missions she went on, no matter how many rumors she followed, Ruby was nowhere to be found. It was almost like she’d just… disappeared completely. Every rumor about a girl wearing a red cloak led to dead ends of a few huntresses in training that wanted to be like Ruby. Every failure drained her.

“Maybe its time we take a break,” Ren suggested as he finished his meal, checking his scroll. “I know you want to find her-”

“I’m not giving up on her,” Nora said, annoyed. “She’s still out there and I need to find her!”

Pyrrha put a gentle hand on Nora’s shoulder, giving a quick squeeze. “We’re not asking you to give up, but we’ve run ourselves ragged. We need a break.”

Ren nodded as he checked a message from Weiss. “None of the divisions of the SDC have seen Ruby or anyone that looks like her and Blake lost the trail she was following. We might be getting to a point where finding Ruby may mean finding out she’s gone.”

Nora sighed and dropped onto the table, letting out a few deep breaths to hold back a few tears. “She… she cant be dead. Not yet.”

“Lets give ourselves a couple weeks to rest and then continue our search,” Pyrrha suggested. “Ruby’s a survivor. I’m sure she’ll be fine.”

“Fine.” Nora slowly picked herself up and left some money on the table to pay for her food. “I’m… I’m going to take a walk.”

Pyrrha nodded. “Dont be out too long, alright?”

Nora sighed and walked out of the inn that she ate at, feeling the brisk Mistral air run across her skin. The sun had started setting and the streets were starting to empty, but that didnt bother her much as she walked alone with her thoughts. No, what bothered her was that there was a chance that she’d never see Ruby again, never be able to hold her or tell her one last time that she loved her. That the love she felt would be lost.

As the sun finally set, she let out a heavy sigh as she started to make her way back to the inn to meet up with her team so they could set out to Vale in the morning. It felt wrong to give up, but, in the end, she knew Pyrrha and Ren were right and they could continue the search after a rest. And pushing mission after mission in hopes of finding some sort of clue didnt seem to be helping.

Nora paused for a moment as she watched a few rose petals flow through the wind. She caught one and watched it disappear in hand, quickly looking in the direction the petal came from. A smile crossed her lips as she saw a figure dash from rooftop to rooftop, only one person she knew was able to do that. Without a moment to lose, she quickly pulled her scroll out to text Ren and Pyrrha about what she saw and rushed off towards the figure without waiting for a response. She used her hammer to help get a bit of height to reach a rooftop and started to follow, her heart racing as she found a trail of rose petals to follow. Nora finally stopped when she got close enough to stay out of the way, freezing up when she did finally see Ruby along with another person.

An arrow flew past her and embedded itself next to her, then she watched as Ruby rushed towards her. She quickly readied her hammer to block the swing of a scythe, arms shaking as she stared Ruby in the eyes.

“N-Nora?!” Ruby asked as she pulled away. “What… what are you doing here?”

“I’ve been looking for you. Now we can go home-”

“You need to leave.”

Nora pulled back and lowered her weapon and watched Ruby as she looked back towards the figure she was with. “I-I dont understand. You’re supposed to come with me.”

“I… cant.” Ruby took a breath and tightened her grip on her scythe. “And now that you’ve seen me, you’re a loose end.”

Nora quickly moved out of the way as Ruby slashed at her with her scythe, holding her own hammer tightly. “What’s going on?” she asked as she noticed the mechanical arm on Ruby, her heart nearly stopping. “And what happened to you?”

“I was fixed!” Ruby said as she sliced at Nora again.

Nora took another few steps back as she avoided Ruby’s scythe, starting to get nervous as it came closer and closer to her. She stopped at the edge of the rooftop, her foot slipping off the edge as she felt the metal blade of Ruby’s scythe press against her chest. “R-Ruby, please, dont do this.”

“I… I dont have a choice.”

Nora froze as she heard an explosion and watched some smoke start to rise in the distance. An arrow pierced into her shoulder as her aura broke, still not quite recovered from earlier. Her hand shook as she reached for the arrow, feeling blood drip down her arm. “You dont have to do this. We can go back to Ozpin-”

“I’m sorry, Nora.”

Nora lost her balance as she felt the end of Ruby’s scythe slam into her, falling off the rooftop and onto a few crates on the ground below. She grunted as she tried to pick herself up, dropping to her back as she closed her eyes. Her eyes fluttered open again as she grunted, seeing the ceiling of the inn she had been staying at, body sore as she tried to sit up.

“Not so fast,” Pyrrha said as she helped her up. “The doctor who patched you up said you’ll have to rest for a few days to let your injuries heal.”

“I-I… I found her…” Nora struggled to get out, her chest hurting with each breath. “I found Ruby.”

“And… you’re sure you found her?”

Nora nodded as she propped herself up, holding her shoulder. “I’m… I'm sure. But… she was… with someone else.”

Ren sighed and got up. “Sounds like she might be involved with the attack on Haven. I’ll go talk to Lionheart and see if I can get anything more.”

“But Ruby wouldnt-” Nora sighed and looked down at the bandages that wrapped around her torso. Ruby wasnt the one who shot her, but was the one who pushed her off that building, even if it was only a couple stories tall. “But… she was seen there, wasnt she?”

Pyrrha sighed and gave a small nod. “Not her but… there were rose petals there along with some cuts from a scythe. We have to tell Ozpin.”

Nora nodded and sighed as she watched Ren and Pyrrha leave. She laid back down, wincing as she did. “Ruby, what did you do?”

#rwby #nora valkyrie #lie ren #pyrrha nikos #ruby rose #rwby ruby rose #drabbles #sugar rush #sugar rush angst

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superluigiglitchy · 2 months

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Really specific ass headcanons on the cast of SMG4

Meggy is really stubborn about sleep not because of her coffee addiction but because of nightmares she has from the anime island incident, the YouTube graveyard and pretty recently from Wild Spaghetti and Wren and pretty much just her trauma in general which results in her having some pretty bad insomnia

She's gotten better though because the glitchy gang don't want a repeat of what happened the last time she didnt sleep for days (read: she got a pretty bad fever because her human body hasnt adjusted to her newly made immune system and prettu much had a breakdown both from the stress, sleep deprivation and delirium caused form her fever) and she's trying to be better for them

What usually helps her sleep is having her cat Loaf near her, having one or more members of the gang sleep in a cuddle pile with her, a good cup of tea with some ramen noodles or the most embarrassing one for her: being rubbed behind her pointed ears

So far Mario and Luigi are some constant cuddle buddies of hers but Tari is a close second with Melony, Boopkins, Saiko and surprisingly Bob in third

With Meggy only looking human physically, she still retains all her inkling functions (plus a little something extra thanks shaggy) meaning yes she can still very much purr and she hates it

Mario and the others often exploit this

I am applying my inklings are basically aquatic cats headcanon onto Meggy and no one can stop me

Saiko is allergic to pollen and is practically knocked out during the first week of spring, yes Tari fusses over her a lot during this time

Bob is capable of being a good business man, he just needs to shed his old habits and bad practices this is easier said than done though

Unbeknownst to anyone not even herself, Tari is very susceptible to viruses, why she hasn't been infected by any is both a combination of dumb luck and being smart on what video games she enters (which is also a result of dumb luck) however that may change soon if TvWare involved now

Kaizo very much teases Saiko about her crush on Tari after he found out every chance he gets, he in turn nearly gets whacked with a hammer by the red faced pinkette

He's super supportive of her crush and will kick anyone's ass who objects, wingmans with Meggy so the idiots can finally confess to eachother

Mario wears a lot of star patches and bandages because he's silly like that

Peach went apocalypse survivor mode for a few weeks and did pretty well while trapped in the demon pit her castle was in, it's just that she got infect by the demon goop A week before SMG4 and the others could go down there to fetch the star, if the crew were to return and search around the remnants of the castle they would find a camcorder and a series of videos tapes of Peach's exploits and find the last 3 tapes are of her expressing her thought as she's been thinking of her actions from the past few years as of late and her regretting how she treated the others, Mario especially and how she wants to apologise to them and treat them all better once she gets out of this literal hell hole

Of course we all knew what happened after that

Luigi has seven evil ex boyfriends, each of which have experienced the wrath of Mario

Mario is also super supportive of Luigi and will also kick anyone's ass who objects

Peach and Daisy are dating, no one is aware of this and no one has figured it out

Pls add Daisy to SMG4 I want to see her kick ass and be a menace

Tari knows some karate moves and will not hesitate to use them post- western spaghetti, clench just speeds up the fighting with a laser and other dubious weapons that Tari didn't know her arm had

Boopkins has a guilty pleasure of watching scooby doo

Smg3 would make an animal sanctuary for any friends Eggdog makes

When Meggy gets sick (which is rare AF) she sorta acts... Kinda like a feral cat

Bob can confirm this statement with all the beak bite mark scars he has and scratches too

For some reason she's not mean to Mario, Luigi, Saiko or Tari (which is to be expected) but also Jubjub and Boopkins

Mario and Luigi consider Meggy A third Mario brother, Meggy cried for an hour straight when she found out about this because of how happy she was

She know uses the named Meggy Spletzer-Mario

Yes I still find it funny Mario and Luigi's last names are Mario so Mario Mario and Luigi Mario

Swag and Chris married for tax benefits

Everyone thinks that's a lie

#smg4 #the glitchy gang #i am not tagging everyone im sorry

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abcitycake · 2 years

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This is something I’d like to share when it comes to ableism. I was diagnosed with autism in my sopmore year. They had to accommodate me in order to graduate, I had difficulty paying attention and understanding my work in classes. Thankfully I was able to leave school. Skip to university, my passion was wanting to learn Japanese, and a dream to get a degree and move to Japan to teach English. But instead my only options there was “office skills” I got it done but didnt use anything with it. That was in 2010-2011. For the next 10 years, I didnt know what to do. My only chance in getting to learn what I wanted was out the window. My dad made me promise if I could handle regular classes without as much accommodations, I could go to the school to learn Japanese. But unfortunately I did fail. The subjects and classes weren’t difficult to understand, it was the homework that needed to be done online, and it was very confusing, so I failed. I am forever disappointed that my passions were disregarded, and forced to do something i wasn’t comfortable with. For the next 5 years- my parents toxicity towards me became worse. I ran away a couple of times in 2017 just to get away from them. I went to a women’s shelter for a week. Risked homelessness just to get away from them. But I finally got my own place, and have been here ever since. I have been here for nearly 5 years this October. I did work. But around 2018, I noticed my energy would slow down and I couldn’t stand on my feet for more than 3 hours. I been working with my dads business since 15, so about a decade. I think this was my first experience with “burnout”. I was luckily given smaller hours and not do tasks such as taking customer orders. I have a processing issue, I either dont understand something right away, or i processed it too quick. In May of 2019, I quit my job of 13 years.

My dad and his coworker that he treated like as a “teacher’s pet” began to micromanage me. That time was when summer vacation was fast approaching, and it would get hot around 9 to 10 am. I WAS GOOD at my cleaning job for the outside, and i was trying to do it as fast and best I could. But they brought me back out, and said I didnt sweep the flower petals right, (We had a tree that would drop flowers in the spring and summer) and my dad took the blower with this tone I always hated; and I started to cry right there. They left, I go back in the bathroom to cry and decided: I’m DONE. I finished washing the dishes for the last time and try to slip away without the coworker knowing, I was going to tell her when I got home. But she caught me, and was FURIOUS.

She said the most vile horrible things- such as along the lines of; “Be lazy, have no job then” “Text your dad that you’re quitting your job, and your name is Tammy, THATS your new name, now!”

She meant, and compared me to my MENTALLY ILL AUNT. Who can’t work because of mental illness. I refuse to associate with her ever since. She of course, pretended nothing happened when i would stop by there- and ofc seems to have forgotten. But I, never will.

Skipping to this past January, 2022. My mom and I were on the way to visit my sister, and celebrate my 30th birthday. She brings up I should “go back to work”. Just her saying that made my blood boil.

“You’re still so young, you should be working”

“Go to (mentions this store) for work”

“You dont have to go back to a restaurant place”

Even when I said I quit working at the job I went to after my dad’s business, because of TOXIC WORK ENVIRONMENT, SHE BRUSHED IT OFF.

One of my only explanations to why she wanted me to work again is simply because “you need a social standing” “you’re young” “Your sisters work, so you can too”

Made me so fucking angry. This woman is AWARE, of my disabilities, or doesn’t seem to know I HAVE LIMITED Time standing around before I shut down after 3-4 hours on a job, and I was treated HORRIBLY, for the last 3 years of my time working.

Oh, and it doesn’t stop there. To hammer the final rusty nail on the coffin, this happens:

On the way home after having my birthday, my mom asks about my niece and if was nice seeing her; and I said

“Yeah just don’t Iike the screaming she does (keep in mind she’s not 2 years old yet)”

I have sensitive hearing, and I cant be around kids often due to that,

SHE RESPONDS AN SAYS “Well you were like that too at that age, and it hurt our ears”

This fucking bitch GASLIGHTS ME FR THINGS I DID AS A CHILD IN ELEMENTARY SCHOOL, BC IF YOU CONSIDER THAT TIME I WAS AUTISTIC BEFORE GETTING DIAGNOSED, I would only scream and cry to communicate.

SHE CONTINUES TO BERATE ME FOR CALING HER TOXIC IN THE PAST AND AT THAT POINT I PUT ON MY HEADPHONES TO BLOCK OUT HER HURTFUL BULLSHIT.

That’s probably going to the the last time in a long, long time, I will ever go with my family to celebrate my birthday. As of now, I have my YouTube channel. It’s been rough the past few months and I lost my monetization, but when I get it back I’ll plan my own goddamn trips by myself, or in the future with my beloved, sweet girlfriend.

#ableism #fuck ableists #stop being ableist #autism #autism discrimination #toxic parents #gaslighting

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ithisatanytime · 6 months

Video

youtube

DRESDEN ER

in other less interesting news i watch a six hour long iceberg style video about columbine, bringing me up to speed with every single woman on this fucking website, i was just never all that fascinated by the story, even though embarrassingly the documentary bowling for columbine is probably more than a little responsible for my several years long stint as a leftist. i wanted to watch it because i assumed it would be fairly in depth and i wanted to see if any information presented would challenge my view on the shootings, which basically boil down to, there was a lot of over the top bullying at columbine but ultimately both shooters were just ethnically canaanite and acting on their natural satan given impulse to kill. klebold is the only one of the two shooters with confirmed jewish ancestery which he diminishes by saying hes only a quarter jewish on from his mothers side, but not only is this not how it works, its just not true, his mother is obviously more than half jewish but even if she were, if that half is her mothers side that makes her fully jewish as well as dylan, but its all beside the point because his father is among the most obviously jewish men i have ever layed eyes upon just look him up yourself if you think im embelleshing, not only that but klebold himself has strong jewish features that only typically manifest with high so called jew admixture. the other shooter doesnt have any confirmed jewish heritage whatsoever, but hes made fun of for his looks by other students frequently, even though if you just look at a picture of him a flattering one he appears at times quite handsome, so whats different about his looks what makes him stand out at all? he was mocked for being short, he has a fleshy upper lip, and a characteristically ratlike face, these are extremely jewish features on an otherwise pure white nordic looking person. there is some hubbub made about them being nazis, but even in their own tapes eric will mention that they like hitler, and klebold responds with “but im jewish” and jokingly eric harris acts surprised to this klebold adds “only a quarter!” its all played for laughs but a lot of people intentionally or otherwise ignore the clearly humorous nature of this exchange and pretend as though its to be taken literally that eric didnt know klebold was jewish despite mountains of evidence showing eric knew and they were obviously just joking. the two also frequently wore the communist hammer and sickle, and the only real nazi stuff in the entire six hour deep dive was them shouting things like “we like hitler” and “heil hitler” clearly they were just trying to be edgy though. but lets pretend they actually read mein kampf and believed in fascism or volk or whatever, they clearly didnt but lets just pretend, who fucking cares? i already wrote about this exact phenomena where these so called jews, who are alien to us inside, will have all kinds of different political views from both sides of the aisles, far leftist, authoritarian, far right, far left, but ultimately no matter how eloquently they describe the percieved political problems the solution is always the same, kill a bunch of random people! the right wing unabomber, the left wing tranny who recently shot up that christian school, in fact ive said before that if you look into the ancestory of most of these so called white (or even nonwhite in the case of elliot rodgers and a few others) you will find they were not white at all but so called jews. all the manifestos political or social posturing and philosophizing are just window dressing at best, for justifying what ulitmately they feel like they need to do, which is strike out randomly and violently. the phenomena of mass shootings arent nearly as murky a thing to understand as the media would have you believe, they are practical and racially motivated if even only on a subconscious level. here is a parable to try to illustrate whats going on.

imagine there is a group of east asians who look ALMOST exactly like the chinese, with a few minor differences that a trained eye would eventually be able to pick up on with practice. lets call these people “wapanese” now suppose these wapanese while outwardly similar to the chinese were inwardly very different in temperament, more sexually forward and pervers, more inclined to violence, had their own religion and were very insular keeping to themselves and doing everything to remian a distinct racially and culturally pure people among the much larger and almost physically indistinguishable japanese population. suppose after centuries of the wapanese living among the chinese, you have wapanese kids in chinese schools who dont even KNOW that they are wapanese because culturally they were more or less raised chinese. but they arent chinese and those differences in temperament arent cultural but genetic in origin, so as much as these wapanese kids want to fit in, they just cant, and whats more they dont want to fit in, as perverse as the wapanese seem to the comparably reserved and cool chinese, the chinese seem boring and uptight to the wapanese, there are essential intrinsic differences in these two peoples that make creating meaningful relationships next to impossible for the wapanese living isolated amongst the much bigger chinese population. he might start to feel insane, why is he so different? is there something wrong with me? but these differences again are genetic he has no hope of changing really, eventually he starts to despise “Everyone” and come up with all kinds of gibberish as to why hes special and better and deserving of life while all his peers who reject him are actually in the wrong and deserve to die. when in reality neither party is in the wrong, the wapanese is just unknowingly completley cut off from his literal family (race is literally just family, there isnt a speck of metaphor in that statment it literally is just family they are synonymous) in tribal times, or any times really but well pretend this is just strictly relevant to tribal times because its less controversial, it would behoove a man in that situation to kill the rival tribe that hes surrounded by if hes at all able, and maybe take their women for his own. its not even madness that spurs these shootings, but cold hard evolutionary truth, tribalism. now the so called jews are a special murderous people in their own right and the wapanese metaphor really doesnt cover that but you get the picture, imagine being the only woman in a world full of men, only women arent a thing in this world so no one knows what to make of you, you are just a weird incomplete man, how isolating that would be, how that isolation would eventually turn to rage and hatred. its about being funedmentally different from your peers to the point you cant even begin to relate.

i also want to point out that eric was made fun of for being short, while dylan was made fun of for being tall... what gives? no one bullied ryan hemsworth for being tall im sure so why dylan? its because he wasnt just tall, he had an ugly rat like face and his arms and torso were in bad porportion to one another, remember what i said about so called jews varying from dwarves to giants and that ultimately what sets them apart isnt so much extreme height or lack thereof but a body (skeleton really) that is in some way in proportional disharmony. we were made in the image of our father, and our father is beautiful, they were made not in the image of their father, but in mockery of ours.

#youtube

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bloodycassian · 3 years

Text

Tender - Azriel x reader - Pregnancy fic. Fem! reader. LONG!!!

Prompt - Hi! I just read most of your imagines, and i loved them! You have me as your faithful follower, I don't comment much because English is not my first language. Could you write one where az manages to perceive that reader is pregnant right in the middle of the war?

You woke to yelling. Not screaming. Not fear or pain, but battle cries that you'd grown to love. They made your blood sing in harmony with the Illyrian voices. It made your heart hammer in your chest, and your muscles tense - ready to fight. Azriel groaned beside you, curling around your waist like a vise. You managed to break free from his muscled arms. Pale light shining through the tent tinted his shadows a light gray. They wrapped around you, drawing a chill down your spine. The war cries grew louder. "Get up. It's time." You shook him, pulling on your light armor. He covered his face with his hands, and did not leave the cot. He groaned again when you pulled the blanket off his mostly naked body. He was never a morning person. Cassian rushed in when you were putting the last of your gear on, and Az froze. His grip on his pants went white knuckled. Cassian's face was pale, and before he could say anything Azriel was hurriedly pulling on the rest of his clothes. Your stomach dropped at the sight of the Warlord. "It's a diversion." You said, voice hollow. Cassian's slight nod was enough to make the breath leave you. "It's going to be fine." Azriel grunted, pulling his tunic over his head. "We just need to move the troops. Get Rhys here." He waved a hand at his brother dismissively. Cassian grabbed Az's wrist. He forced the male to look at him, to see his worried eyes. You tensed, ready to defend your mate even against Cassian's might. "Rhys is on the battlefield already. We're on our own." His voice was low, and the warning in his eyes was enough to make the hair on your arms raise. Azriel pulled away from him, slowly. He began strapping his weapons belts on, pushed his hair back and sighed. "Where do you need us?" The air was cold, and the howls of battle echoed across the hills. Azriel's shadows curled around your legs, comforting. Then they slithered their way across the valley where the battle was beginning. + You could barely raise your sword by the end of it. The mud had been the most challenging part of the entire fight. The enemy horses had done a good job of making obstacles when they fell in the mud, lame with broken ankles and necks. You wished to put them out of their misery, but there was no time. The forces seemed to come in waves. Like a test against your small unit. Few were lost from your side. The dewey grass steamed in the morning light, carrying up the reek of enemy blood with it. You wiped your face, trying to get the taste of dirt and blood out of your mouth. Sharp stinging pain seared your ribs under your arm. You hissed. Then, you felt the warmth of your own blood. You swore, and looked for a medic that wasn't tending to wounded on the ground. Some Illyrian bodies were being lifted away, high into the air for burial at their homes. You dared not take a healer away from more critically injured soldiers. You nodded grimly to the ones that you passed. They were covered in blood, and yet still gave you fierce grins when you went by. They respected you. More than any other Illyrian Female before you. It was sad, but you hoped to forge a new path for other females of Illyria. You held an arm under your side and limped your way out of the mud. The packed mess inside your boots made moving your feet hard. You couldn't wait to shower. You spotted Cassian far down the field, and watched as he raised his sword high over his head. Your stomach twisted in pity for the suffering animal under him. You looked away before you could see the lifeblood drain from the horse's neck. He sent a blessing to the Mother for the animal, and continued on to the next suffering soul that would meet its end via his blade. + You hadn't seen her in a long while. Too long for a friend, but she gave you that same look she always did when she saw you hobbling up to her for help. Jeva was your favorite healer, and one you knew could keep a secret. She was round, and her voice was light and comforting. She smelled of nutmeg and berries. Something you had appreciated about her since you had met. "What is it this time?" She waved you inside, holding the tent flap open for you while you dumped your battle stained gear on the wood hutch beside the entrance. The tent was light and airy, filled with small plants of different varieties and cluttered with boxes and books everywhere. Her desk and bed were shoved to the corner, and a long wood table took up the majority of her area. As if she had known you were coming, she already had potions of different types laid out on the end of the table. "Probably nothing." You said, pulling off your armor as gingerly as you could manage. The soft light flickered and changed to a harsh beam when she laid you down on her exam table. "I'm not supposed to be healing anymore you know. I'm retired." She clicked her tongue at you, earning a pained grin. It was hard for you to bother a healer for any amount of time for something that you were sure was so small. But something about it stung too much for it to be just a scrape. And you knew Cassian would lecture you about it being infected if he saw through your mask to the pain. Az would force you to see one anyway as soon as he learned of it. "You know I wouldnt be here unless I had to be, Jeva." You said through your teeth as she cut away your muddied undershirt. "Oh, I know. That's why I have my best potions ready." She laughed, then paused. Your shirt lay limp on the table. Her eyebrows knitted together at the sight of your open wound. "Is it bad?" You asked, craning to try to look for yourself. She held you down. "Metal. Fragments are still in here, likely why it hasn't healed yet." You relaxed at that, grateful that it wasn't worse. "Thank the Mother. Az would have yelled all night." You rolled your eyes, and sighed as she started working on you. The first part was always the worst. The stinging hot potion that made the nerves around the wound numb. "One-" She began her countdown, then poured. You growled at her, gripping the end of the stained table hard enough to crack. "Easy..." She warned, and smoothed down your hair. She knew how to take care of her patients, that was certain. You relaxed as the stinging eased. The dull ache that it left behind turned into a bad memory. "I'm going to extract the blade then we can close you up. Simple and easy." She picked up her tools and began tugging away at your side. You could have fallen asleep with the relief the numbing potion brought. And with her humming in the air around you, it was a struggle not to. The time seemed to pass quickly, but when the clank of the metal tools jolted you from your dozing, the tent was lit in orange from the sunset outside. "Relax, we're going to close it up now. Once the potion wears off you will still be sensitive." She placed her hands over you, and the familiar warm vibrations of her healing magic set in. Then it stopped abruptly. You cracked open an eye, then narrowed your brows at her. "What is it?" You said gently, then again when she didnt reply. She stared at you, mouth agape. Her eyes locked to yours, even when you sat up to demand she tell you what the problem was. "Am I dying?!" you took her hand gently, in case she was going to push you away. Then she started laughing, her hand gripping yours back. The warmth glowed in your palm, the light radiating out from it was starkly contrasting the tent walls bedecked in orange. The light she emitted shot through you, and you felt the wound tingle, and seal. You stared at her in shock. That amount of healing power was incredible. Especially for field medics. "Youre not dying, no..." She waved a hand, fanning herself. Her eyes were glassy with tears. She sniffed and clutched your hand tighter. "Quite the opposite, darling." She pulled you in for a warm hug. + You spent the rest of the evening with Jeva. Until she got a hurried message about student healers needing help on the battlefield. You stayed in her tent as long as you could manage with the ringing in your ears. You stared and stared at the mirror across from you, showing you the bloodied warrior that you wanted to be. That you wanted to stay. The warrior that carried the Shadowsinger's child. The thought made tears sting your eyes. You refused to let them fall. You had been ignoring his tugs down the bond for well over an hour. You knew he was concerned, but you couldn't bring yourself to shout back down. The only thing that echoed in your mind were Jeva's words "You're pregnant..." Pregnant. Pregnant. Pregnant. You nearly punched her when she told you she wasn't joking. The only reason you even believed her was because of that powerful zap of healing she sent to you. That she sent to scan your body and make sure the fetus was okay before you even knew about it. You could barely hear half the words she said as she told you your options. You roiled with the thought now. The Mugwart she left on the table was daunting. You desperately wanted her back. Jeva would be able to deliberate with you. You knew she would tell you to do whatever makes you happy. You knew that. But you wondered how ethical the choice that made you happy was. Bringing a child into a world of war seemed cruel. Even if it made you happy. You distantly noticed Azriel as you passed him, walking to the forest edge just passed your tent. Worry laced the bond between you. You tried not to show anything back. But you knew he felt the tension, the void there. "Where the hell have you been?!" Azriel's eyes were furious when you passed him, his wings flared out slightly. You couldnt even look at him with anger back. Your emotions ran wild. You were frozen, and as numb as the potion Jeva had given you when she began removing the blade. "Do you know how worried I have been?! I sent Cassian to-" He tried to grab for your hand to stop you, but you flicked him away. He stopped for a moment, stunned. Then returned with more energy than before. That yawning abyss in your bond was growing darker with shame, worry and anxiety. His shadows roiled around him as he caught up. "You dont get to-" "Azriel..." You stopped in the edge of the clearing. The small meadow was silent in the darkness, not even the monsters of Prythian dared roar tonight. Your mind did all the roaring you could handle, anyway. You tried to focus on the swaying grass, on the soft smell of wet bark and pine hanging in the air. "Dont try to excuse this I need to know you're okay and-" He stormed in front of you, ready to burst with rage. His fear always made him angry. And for good reason after losing so many close to him. A tear ran down your cheek, your face burned hot with hundreds of feelings at once. Fear, pain, shock, joy, hope.... elation. You wanted his children. You wanted to help raise his child. You wanted to see Azriel be a father. You knew he would be the best damn Illyrian father there had ever been. The thought hit you like a well placed punch. He saw your paleness, your tears and stopped his yelling. You fell to your knees, the mud splattering all around you. You wanted to lay down. Lay down and think about the implications of carrying his child. Would it be good for the baby to be born at all? Just because you wanted it didnt mean it needed to happen. You knew that Jeva would give you a potion to extract it without hesitation if it was what you wished. "I'm-" You choked out, fighting the panic that flooded you. Your mind roiled with the conflict of your mind and heart. It turned you into a muddied, dark ocean on the bond. A turmoil that he couldn't see past. If you were an ocean, he was your lighthouse on the cliffside. Signaling you home. His eyes darted to your body, to your hands and how they wrung together in front of you. "I'm sorry. I just-" He sighed and took one of your hands. "I'm sorry." He kissed the back of it and brought his forehead to yours. He normally needed a lot longer to cool down after a fight, but seeing you in tears shocked him out of his pride. "I shouldn't have said that... I know you can take care of yourself." his voice was low, and he ran a hand comfortingly down your back. A hysteric laugh bubbled from your throat. It sounded like a sob. You didn't know exactly which it was. He sat back and pulled you into his lap, despite the grass being dewey and damp. He rocked you there for a few seconds before you had to tell him. Before he could be too close if he didnt want you anymore. The doubt crept into your head, and the nerves ate at you. Your heart raced, you could feel it in your neck. "Azriel..stop." You pushed away from him, to catch his beautiful dark eyes. They were painted in a silver hue by the moon above. You took in his face, the curve of his cheeks and lips for possibly the last time. You had to consider the worst possible outcome. You braced yourself for the rejection, for the pain of his reaction. You knew it had to come out. You knew you had to say it now or you never would. Your stomach flipped over and over. You opened your mouth, a soft sob wracking out of you before you began. He froze. Went utterly still, his shadows even stopping for a second before whirling faster than before. Your eyes went wide. His nose flared, eyes narrowed. He held you closer, sniffing at your neck. He pulled back and his eyes were even wider than before. His mouth fell open when you nodded. "I'm-" "Youre-" his face went through a whirlwind of different emotion. Then, he broke out into a small laugh. He couldn't stop. You felt the tears running down your cheeks and didnt bother to wipe them away. "Honey... I'm sorry." He stopped laughing suddenly. "What do you want to do?" His eyes were masked, his expression the most serious you'd ever seen him. His aura on your bond seemed to go completely gray and still, as if he didn't want you to see him. He masked everything. In preparation for whatever you decide. The gesture made your heart squeeze in appreciation. You stammered, resting your forehead on his. "I dont know." You muttered, voice cracking. Then, he was wrapping his arms around you in a smothering hug. When he pulled away, he cradled your face in his hands. The hands that had seen so much cruelty in his life. The possibilities of the same thing happening to your child made your heart race. "I'm here for whatever decision you make." He brushed your cheek with a thumb. You nodded and let him hold you like that for a while. Quietly rocking back and forth with you in his lap. + You were near falling asleep when the war cries rang out again. Illyrians howling for their leaders to join them. Another onslaught of death coming their way. The calls were distant, but Azriel tensed the second he heard them. Your blood went cold. He buried his face to your chest, as if he wished he could hide there. "I'm not going." He said when you tried pushing him away. "I wont leave you." He promised, locking his muscled forearms around you. The echoes of battle cries faded. He stroked your hair, and traced his fingers along your back. Then he swore. "Let me take care of this." He said, voice edged with anger. Nerves pricked at your stomach, but you stood, wobbling on your feet slightly. He took off into the night sky painted in silvers and blues by the full moon. Then came racing back down right behind Rhys. the high lord took one breath and then he was hugging his brother. Azriel shoved him off, and they shot into the night sky. Well, Azriel did. He dragged Rhys with him. Grunts of pain and fleshy sounds of punching rang out. You followed them high into the air where they had their conversation. Your wings led you around them with ease. "Stop fighting and use your words, boys." You warned. You recognized Azriels growl and smiled to yourself as they broke apart. Rhys adjusted his tunic and cleared his throat. "I need you there. Cassian is handling the Western front, the others need a leader." Azriel began protesting against the high lord. "I cant with my mate-" "I know it feels impossible right now but-" "I will not, Rhys-" You set your jaw. If they wanted to fight over if you needed protection or not, you would take the option off the table all together. "I'll go." you said, voice strong since hearing Jeva announce what grew inside you. Pregnant, pregnant, pregnant. You shoved the thoughts away as far as you could. They both turned to you, horror striking Azriels features. "Absolutely not. No." Heat and rage flared down the bond. It made you want to defy everything he said. You locked eyes with him and glared. Rhys glanced between you with tense shoulders. He cleared his throat. "It would be a good compromise, Azriel. You can go together to the Eastern front. Think about it." He placed a hand on his brother's shoulder and gave him a grim smile. "I wont say a word." He said, summoning the darkness around him then winnowing away. Azriel's cold eyes made him look like a statue. "Let's go." He said, and started circling lower. Back to the meadow. "I'm going, you cant stop me from following you." You said, expecting a fight. He said nothing. You were met with that silence that drove others crazy tryin to find out what he wanted from them. The bond seemed to snap taut, then go into a relaxed state. He was hiding. You knew it, but would rather have silence and peace than him trying to fight you again. He walked you back to the tent, and exhaustion took you under before you could remember him laying down with you. You hoped it it was exhaustion, and not whatever the baby was doing to you. Despite your best efforts, you couldn't resist the urge to cradle your belly while you slept. There was no bump, but it felt like the most natural thing to do now that you were aware of the being inside you. You slept hard, and awoke to the breakfast bell chiming. The sounds of slow footsteps marching through the mud kept you awake. Azriel was gone, but the candle on the table was lit. A note lay there waiting for you. His messy scrawl made you smile, the familiarity of his writing reminded you of the notes he would leave you when he had to leave early for meetings with Rhys. "Back by nightfall, lover. A guard is at the tent, ask her to bring you anything you need. -A" You peeked outside the tent to see Jeva there, her long fur coat shimmering in the morning light. Her breath clouded in front of her when she gave you a soft smile. "Good morning." She pulled a muffin from her coat. "Your favorite." She winked, and you pulled her inside. She had a fire roaring by the time you finished your food. "How are you not freezing?" She complained, blowing into her hands to keep them warm. You brushed the crumbs from your shirt and really took into account the changes you'd noticed lately. How hungry you'd been, how tired after the easiest days. "Do you know... How um..." You gestured to your stomach. She gave a small smile and nodded. "Only a month or so." She said quietly. You stared at your stomach, as if waiting for something to answer you. To give some sort of affirmation that Jeva was right. She continued warming herself by the fire, and soon the tent was filled with her warm chestnut smell. Cassian entered the tent when you were starting to doze off again. The wool blanket on your lap reminded you of a time when you first met Az. Your heart squeezed at the memory of those long nights shared together by a fire. Taking your turns on watch duty. You shook yourself from the memory. Cassian froze. His face scrunched up at the sight of you. The scent, you realised. You swore to yourself, and Jeva only nodded when he looked to her. "Youre pregnant?" He asked breathlessly, and you could smell the fear and excitement coming from him. In fact, you could smell the smoked meat on his breath. And the cold air that clung to him from outside. It was refreshing, like a cool drink on a hot day amid the dry heat inside the tent. "I'm sorry, I shouldnt have.." He ran a hand through his hair, trying to remain focused. "Its okay, Cass. What's going on? Az left me this note." You handed it to him. His lips moved as he read it. He went white as bone. Your stomach dropped. + Azriel had gone in the night to take out the entire eastern flank with a small group of Illyrians. You felt your world skittering away as Cassian told you. Your vision went blurry, and tears fell, dripping on your hands that clenched the wool blanket. "He's on his way here now. He had to answer to Rhys first." Cassian waited for you to say anything. But your lips just couldnt form the words. The hurt, anger... the betrayal you felt for him going to battle without you. And defying a direct order from his high lord like a fool. "I suggest you leave before Azriel comes back. It may get messy." Jeva spoke for you, and you were grateful. You gave Cassian a nod of thanks before he turned and left. The cold wind that blew in from the door gave you goosebumps. "Take it easy, you dont want to be too stressed." Jeva handed you a mug of tea and gave you a small squeeze. You could smell Azriel before he entered. Jeva shot him a glare, but said nothing. "I'll be in my tent if you need me." She promised, gave you a look that said 'find me after' and left. Azriel took off his armor plates one by one. A bit too slowly to be considered normal. Stalling. You said nothing. You let the tension roil out of you, let it hit him down the bond. Like a wave getting ready to break. He rolled his shoulders, stretched his wings. The mask he wore cracked when he saw your fists balled in the blanket. "I couldnt risk you... or the babe." He tried to hide the fear that shone through. The fear of his mate or child being hurt in battle. He wouldnt be able to stand it. The fight was needed, anyway. He needed to get out his instincts to protect protect protect. You said nothing. You let that looming wave grow larger. He sighed, and sat at the end of the cot beside you. "I'm sorry. I needed....I needed to get my head straight. I should have told you. I'm sorry." That wave crashed, not on him though. Internally, guilt and fear melting in on yourself. "I cant lose you, we... We cant." You said through your teeth, trying to hold back the tears that begged to spill over. He tried his best to hold back his surprise. "We?" He asked, a small smile playing on his full lips. You gave him a grim smile. "If you're...ready to be a father. I like imagining you, with my child." "Our child." He said with a bubbling laugh. You laughed with him, and it turned to hysterics. He wiped tears from the corner of your eyes. "We're going to have a baby?" He cradled your face, looking into your eyes. You took one of his hands, and placed it on your flat belly. "Yes. We are." You said, voice quivering. He wrapped you into a hug, and you cried together in the cot.

#acotar #acotar fic #reader x azriel #azriel x reader #azriel

428 notes · View notes

jaekaicx · 2 years

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*slams my hands down on the table excitedly* what are your thoughts. On any topic. Literally anything I wanna hear them

!!!!!!! KFNSKNSJS OKAY!!!! im glad you wanna hear my thoughts fjdhjsjsjsn

(im so sorry for putting this off for so long kfnsksn my mind just kept on blanking every time i tried to answer this. but !!! i have something now so here are the thoughts you asked for !!!!)

so my last reblog got me thinking about the way amphibia is presented as an “isekai with a twist.” but it also got me thinking about the owl house and how its also presented as an isekai with a twist. and i just think its really interesting how the two of them go about it in different ways

one of the main similarities is how there’s a sort of awareness of the fact that an isekai story is taking place, and the isekai-ed characters sort of enabling the story and making it happen out of a sense of wish fulfillment. with marcy, they didnt have much of a choice since they had no clue the music box would actually work, but we all know that if given the choice, marcy would say yes to getting isekai-ed in a heart beat. and in a sense, he actually did.

(disclaimer: i wholeheartedly believe that marcy was NOT at fault for getting the trio sent to amphibia. he helped find and open the box but that is NOT the same as knowingly sending you and your friends to a deadly frog world and nearly getting them killed. im gonna bring this topic up a bit more, so in case anyone sees this and tries to use this to paint marcy in a bad light leave right now)

and then you have luz, a kid whos lived basically her whole life with one foot in both worlds. shes longed for the chance to live in a world of magic, to live out the fantastical tales she grew up reading about. and when she finds herself in the boiling isles, she chooses to stay for her escapist wish fulfillment.

but heres where the two shows branch off. for one, marcy isnt the focus character while luz is the main character of her show. but with amphibia, marcy gets pretty much exactly what he wanted. they end up in the heart of newtopia, the capital of amphibia. they get taken in by the kind king, they’re given a title and rank and responsibilities and quests, and he goes on all sorts of wacky adventures, making a name for himself in newtopia. marcy essentially gets the whole isekai package (except for the chance to experience it all with their best friends)

meanwhile, luz actively chooses to stay in the new magical world, only it doesnt exactly live up to the azura series like luz had hoped. she ends up with a sort of “fixer upper isekai.” the boiling isles isnt all glitz and glamour and sunshine and rainbows. its dangerous and gritty, and while people can fly on brooms and use magic, its flawed and dark and actively rejects a lot of luzs attempts to create it into her isekai fantasies. season 1 is dedicated to hammering the message that, no, the boiling isles is not a place of wonder and excitement, but can be more “realistic” than earth itself

and yet, luz still manages to forge her own story despite it all. she gets her wake up call in season 1, but it doesnt stop her from making connections and finding her place in the boiling isles. she does end up getting her “isekai story,” except it only happens when she isnt actively forcing it to happen. the first time she does try she nearly gets herself killed. instead, its through her big personality and allowing herself to just be her that gets people to open up to her, and luz is able to get her found family and support network. and by the time the actual plot kicks in, when the portal is destroyed and the stakes get real, luz is able to face it because of her strong connections in the boiling isles and what she learned in her time there

..and then theres marcy. now, when i mentioned that the boiling isles was dark and dangerous and gritty, that wasnt to say that amphibia isnt either, because it absolutely is. its just that its easier for marcy to dismiss the dangers of amphibia, while the boiling isles makes you face it all first thing, but its not so bad once you face the brunt of it.

with marcy, he isnt exactly forced to confront a lot of it until it all blows up in their face in true colors. sure, marcy probably has faced danger a countless amount times in their work under king andrias, but thats likely only because he chose to. he could have easily hidden behind the walls of newtopia and no one would have stopped them, but they chose to go into fieldwork and serve with yunan on the warship. and even then, its not dangerous to the same extent as anne being dropped in the middle of the woods after opening the box, or sasha ending up in literal jail right off the bat. no, marcy got lucky, and was able to see amphibia as the wish fulfillment he’d been hoping for

only. it really wasnt in the end. sure, it was all fun and theres a prophecy and possibly even cool anime powers, but it all had a cost. marcy couldnt get away with their escapist tendencies forever. and while marcy arguably had the best introduction to amphibia, they also got the worst of it in the end

all that to say, amphibia and toh are both sort of “modern isekais,” but they both go about it in different, interesting ways. toh is a sort of “twisted” isekai, given how luz isnt just given an isekai story, but instead has to learn to step back from seeing the world as her fantasy before being able to deal with the actual main plot. meanwhile, amphibia deconstructs the whole idea of an isekai in the first place. its explained really well in the post i was talking about earlier, but tldr its an isekai that almost refuses to be one, focusing instead on this regular girl that just wants to get her friends back and go home. its funny, because toh is kind of an isekai with extra steps, while amphibia has the isekai in the background except its not exactly an isekai but its not not an isekai? just with less wish fulfillment and more consequences

but yeah i just thought it was pretty interesting! both toh and amphibia subvert isekai tropes, but toh still has a large focus on plot while amphibias story focuses solely on anne and the shenanigans she gets into. except those shenanigans eventually turned into saving the world

#amphibia #toh #the owl house #marcy wu #luz noceda #hfkjsjsjsbs finally got around to answering this yes!!!!!!#ty for asking moth!!!! sorry it took so long #been wanting to do a toh/amphibia comparison for a while #this isnt too organized but i hope i got the point across #dana and matt are shaking hands in isekai trope subversion #j answers #ask #mothicalspoken #jace rambles #k.txt

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faithfulwarrior-og · 3 years

Text

Here have Namaari being a hopelessly in love dork and Raya being a flirtatious little shit:

Raya: Namaari, what the fuck is this?

Namaari: Oh that? Ummm it’s just.. a sword.

Raya: It is not just a sword you liar.

Namaari: *sweating* Well I— it...

Raya: This is a replica of the hero’s sword from that old legend!

Namaari: *trying to not be a dork and failing miserably* You’ve read that one too!! I never thought anyone would actually notice that it’s a replica but I made it myself!

Raya: *smirks as Namaari shuffles over to show her the sword*

Namaari: See, it even has the engravings— *looks up to see Raya observing her* What.

Raya: You’re adorable.

Namaari: *scoffs and grumbles* I’m not adorable... it’s a sword and did I mention that I made it? You know making swords involves hammering? And.. fire? Not cute...

Raya: *tips the blade away from her* All I’m saying is, *steps into Namaari’s space* you’re a nerd.

Namaari: *swallows, thinking she’s about to be teased for something she’s genuinely insecure about by someone she really kinda wants to make out with at that very moment regardless*

Raya: And I think it’s adorable.

Namaari: *rolls her eyes, trying desperately not to smile* So are you.

Raya: *raises her eyebrows*

Namaari: I-I meant that you’re also a nerd not that you’re ador.. well, I mean you are, but—

Raya: *gives her a kiss on a corner of her lips*

Namaari.exe: *ceases to function*

Raya: You’re blushing.

Namaari: *fumbles putting back the sword* Shut up it’s hot in here.

Raya: No, I think you like kissing me.

Namaari: *panicking* I— I mean... you have.. you’re.. nice kisser I mean...

Raya: *backs her up to the wall*

Namaari: *PANICKING*

Raya: *being a flirtatious little shit* I know I like kissing you...

Namaari: *nodding* Uh-huh. Well. That’s.. convenient cuz—

Raya: *runs her hands up Namaari’s shoulders* Cuz what, dep la? Admit it.

Namaari: I-I-I really.. I do like you— kissing you. Um. It’s been. How long? A while. Talon? I think? Yeah. That was... something heheh.

Namaari internally: stop talking

Raya: It has been a while. We were enemies then.

Namaari: *nods, decides not to mention how in love with Raya she was then and still is now*

Raya: Being enemies was fun and all... but I think.. *leaning in closer* being lovers would be a lot more interesting.

Namaari: *gulps* L-lovers? Really?

Raya: *locked onto Namaari’s lips at this point* Mmhm. What do you think?

Namaari: *incoherent gay panic stuttering*

Raya: *chuckles in a way that makes Namaari nearly faint* Is that a yes, dep la?

Namaari: *nods aggressively*

Raya: *smirks* Kiss me.

Namaari internally: AHHHHH DONT MESS THIS UP

Namaari: *gently cups Raya’s face with a quaking hand and kisses her*

Raya: Heheh. Now you’re blushing and trembling.

Namaari: *plops her head onto Raya’s shoulder* WELL MAYBE IF YOU DIDNT JUST SEDUCE ME

Raya: Oh, I’m sorry, princess. *pulls away from her with a shit-eating smirk* Won’t happen again.

Namaari: no wait—

#rayaari #rayamaari #raymaari #raya x namaari #raya and namaari #ratld #ratld incorrect #ratld incorrect quotes #raya and the last dragon #raya #namaari

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heyitsjay03 · 3 years

Text

Fighting For Tomorrow: Chapter Six

Disclaimer: Still haven’t bought AOT but I’m working on it!

AN: this. is a doozy of a chapter- i know. lots. and lots. and lots of words. but DAMN if i didnt love every part of it. however! if you guys prefer smaller chapters please please please dont hesitate to say something. seriously. id love to write you guys more frequent, smaller chapters but if you guys like the longass, slightly infrequent chapters then they shall continue. just say the word bby. also i felt kinda poetic in some of these sections so if you see reader gettin fancy with her verbage, don’t trip. that was my bad.

Reiner x Fem!Reader, eventual Captain Levi x Fem!Reader, Sasha x Sister!Reader

Word Count: 10k (i finished this at 2 am today before class and nearly passed out at the sight ‘10,008 words’ when i pulled up my word counter. CH-YOW this a big boy)

TW: gore/blood/violence/death, adult language/swearing, slight PTSD, mental anguish, self-harm, grief, nightmares, insomnia, hysterics, horse accident

You can read parts one, two, three, four, and five just by tapping the lovely numbers!

The flames crackle and rage before us, engulfing our comrades’ bodies in scarlet and gold waves.

Engulfing Marco’s body.

Jean had found him. Just… laying there. Up against a building. No one had seen him die, no one knew how he died, just that he did. Marco- our comrade, our friend... my friend- just gone. Taken from us. There was no valiant deed. There was no heroism. There was no triumphant story. Nothing. He just… died.

And that’s the worst part.

He was taken from us and no one knows how. No one knows why.

Marco was one of the first comrades I got close to. We were competitive- always fighting to outdo each other. I’d train two hours, he’d train three. He’d pass the ODM test after four tries, I’d pass it in three. Back and forth, back and forth.

But if we faced something bigger than us- if there was an exercise we couldn’t quite pin down, if there was another Cadet giving us problems, if one of our squad members were injured- we’d always come together to beat it. It was always like that.

He was like my little brother.

I scoff at myself. They all are like my younger siblings. Eren, Armin, Mikasa, Jean, Connie, even Annie and Bertholdt. They’re all family and losing Marco… it was like losing a brother.

I did lose a brother.

My brother is among the flames- being turned to ash before my eyes. Marco is gone. Taken from me. Robbed from me. From everyone. His intellect, his kindness, his leadership. All of it gone. Taken from humanity.

We’re just kids.

Marco was just a kid.

All of us- bright-eyed kids wanting to do our best for humanity. To take back what was stolen from us. To serve humanity. We didn’t know how much hate, how much horror was waiting for us. To watch our comrades- our family and friends- be torn apart in front of us. To lose the ones closest to us in unspeakable carnage.

All we wanted was to do something for humanity.

All Marco wanted was to do something for humanity.

He was just a kid.

Tears are streaming down my face as we all watch the flames consume the bodies of fallen soldiers. I can hear the crackling of wood, feel the heat on my skin. But the crackling is distant and the heat is faint. My chest feels empty and cold.

I lost Marco. I lost Hannah. I lost Franz.

And I’ll never get them back.

But I’ll be damned if I allow anyone else to be taken from me.

The Commander roars and rages before us, engulfing us in his words. They burn and singe like fire as they cross the Cadets’ ears. I can hear them whispering among themselves- asking if he’s serious or if he’s crazy or already resigning themselves to the Garrison.

It doesn’t matter what they say.

I’m joining the Scouts. Commander Erwin’s words are a comfort, a pleasant yet caveat warmth. Like a candle sitting beside a curtain. I know what I’m signing up for. I’ve always known. But it doesn’t mean I’ll be giving it all up now.

“I’ve made my decision.”

My eyes turn away from the Commander, landing on Reiner’s form beside me. His gaze is still stuck on the Commander, back straight and shoulders squared. I turn my gaze back to the Commander- not wanting to be chewed out by a commanding officer for not paying attention. “...really?” I ask quietly, “Where are you-?”

“The Scouts.”

My eyes are back on him. “What?” I hiss, “Reiner, you can’t... throw away your shot at the Military Police- you worked so hard, why would you-?”

“Eren was right,” he says quietly. I can feel his chest fill with breath before he chuckles. “They don’t need our skills so far away from the walls. They need us where we’re at use- where the people are.”

“Rei, please, please,” I whisper, “Please don’t do this.”

“Why not?” Reiner chuckles again, “You want me gone?”

“It’s not like that,” I shoot back, “I just…”

“You just what?”

“...I don’t wanna lose anyone else.”

“...you won’t.”

“You can’t know that… I’m already worried about Eren and Armin and Mikasa- if I have to worry about anyone else-”

“You don’t need to worry about me, darling… Because we’re going to get through this,” I can feel his finger graze the side of my hand before his hand takes mine. “Together.”

A shaky exhale leaves my mouth as I close my eyes. “...together,” I whisper as shivers run down my spine.

“That’s right, darling.”

“...those who wish to join other divisions are dismissed.”

Shuffles of feet scurry past me as I remain. I can feel their gazes, their judging glares and confused looks. They mumble to themselves. ‘Insane’, ‘crackpots’, ‘suicidal’, ‘deathwish’. Nervously, I swallow and grip Reiner’s hand tighter.

I can feel his smile. Proud and bright like the sun. Warming like the sun. Relaxation smoothes out over my skin as I soak it in.

I’ve done it. Finally. After years of fighting and hoping and wishing and dreaming about this very moment, I’m here.

The crowd clears out and a scattering of us remains. My eyes dart to each of the figures in the hopes of identifying my fellow crackpots.

Reiner. Armin. Mikasa. Bertholdt. Ymir. Christa. Sas-

My heart stops.

Sasha. Connie. Jean.

What the Hell are they doing here?! They were supposed to join the Military Police. They were going to, weren’t they?! Why are they still here?! Why aren’t they walking away?

At the very base of my stomach, something churns. Quickly and violently.

I think I’m gonna be sick.

I’m already going to be looking out for Armin, Eren, and Mikasa- I came to accept that long ago- but now Sasha? And Reiner? Connie and Jean, too?

Most of everyone I’ve ever loved has just signed their hearts and bodies away to the Scouts- to nearly certain death.

There has to be a way to change their minds, right? There has to be.

...but there isn’t, is there?

They heard the statistics. They know how many have died in the Scouts. They know all the facts, all the dirtiest of details.

And they stayed.

Gods, why did they stay?

I’ll drag each of them out of here by their ears, kicking and screaming, if I have to. I already lost Marco and Hanna and Franz. I don’t think I could take losing them, too.

But if they truly want to- if they know the risk and want to dedicate their hearts just like I am… why would I stop them?

I should be proud.

They’re- we all are- dedicating ourselves to the better future humanity deserves. To the eradication of Titans. To the freedom we all hunger for.

“Very well!” Commander Erwin’s voice booms out over us. “I welcome you- the newest recruits of the Scout Regiment!” His fist slams against his chest in a tight salute, “This is my real salute! Dedicate your hearts to the cause!”

The group moves as one as we all strike our fists to our chests.

My eyes glide from the Commander to Sasha once more.

She’s shaking. I can hear her stifled sobs from here.

But she remains firm in her spot.

She’s made her decision.

And I can accept that.

I lay awake. Moonlight flickers through the window- inching towards the other side of the room. It’s late and I’m exhausted but even when I am, I can’t sleep. There’s too much screaming in my head. Too much gore. Too much carnage that I can only barely remember. The only things that do remember are my heart and lungs- hammering and pounding and stretching to the fullest in the wake of whatever nightmare slinked back into the recesses of my mind.

Reiner stirs in his sleep and wraps his arms around my waist. Tucking me into him, he sighs and buries his head into my neck. “...can’t sleep?” he mumbles. His voice is deep. Deeper than usual, with a gentle rumble to it.

“No,” I whisper back, shrinking into him.

“Wanna talk about it?”

I stay silent. No. No, I really, really, really, really don’t want to. Talking about whatever bothers me is like pulling teeth. It feels like a burden that I’m casting onto someone else. And with Reiner… he’s burdened enough already. He’s everyone’s big brother. Everyone’s confidant. He shoulders responsibilities and punishments for others- never once thinking about himself.

But he’s exhausted. All the time, exhausted. And he’s so good at hiding it. Even around me. But I can see it. The way his golden eyes go hazy at times, the way his shoulders sag and the way things slip his mind. The way he can become an entirely different person with terrifying speed.

It scares me how much I think he carries. Because when he breaks… it’ll be cataclysmic.

Reiner’s lips slide up my shoulder and neck, pressing gentle kisses against my skin. “...well?”

But maybe he’ll open up to me if I take the step first. Maybe I’ll show him that there’s nothing to worry about- that I’m not going anywhere and that he can talk to me about anything. Everything.

“...I’ve… I’ve been having nightmares.”

His kisses stop where they are, lips still pressed to my skin for a moment before pulling away. His grip on me gets tighter as he pulls me closer. Reiner lets his head rest in the crook of my neck and sighs. “...what about?”

I laugh quietly, letting my fingers trail against his forearm. “...I don’t remember most of them but… there is one that comes back… every now and then.”

“I’m listening, darling.”

Slowly, I take a breath. My eyes close as I remember the details of the dream. “...it always starts off the same… I’m in a throne room and there’s a person at my feet. Sometimes… it’s a woman and other times it’s a man and other times, I can’t tell which, but… there’s always someone at my feet,”

“And they’re always crying,” I whisper, eyebrows drawing together and I grip his forearm. “Sobbing and pleading for mercy. A-...And I…” My voice quivers as tears start to flow from my eyes. “I… just… I don’t even know, I just… I see this… light- red light- come from their eyes and they just… they convulse and thrash around for a moment- screaming and crying and begging- before… before they…,”

“...before they die at my feet,” I whisper brokenly, eyes open and staring out into the distance as the scene replays. “And when they finally die… I look up… and there’s… corpses. Thousands upon thousands of corpses, Rei… All piled up on top of each other and in writhing rigidity. As far as I could see- there were bodies- and… and somehow I know that… that I… I had… somehow I know that I was the one that killed them all.”

“I’m your squad leader, Ness,” the man before us states before clapping a hand onto the horse towering beside him. “And this! Is my horse, Chalet…”

My eyes drift away from him, blankly settling on the various horses in their stalls behind me. I’ve tuned him out… I should probably listen to whatever he has to say. But… I’m so tired. Another night of staring at the ceiling while listening to Reiner snore and watching Bertholdt contort himself into a coil across the room.

I don’t know how many sleepless nights I have left.

My body lurches forward slightly as someone nudges me from behind. I turn to face whoever it was. Jean is towering over me with a smirk on his face as he pretends to be watching Squad Leader Ness. “...what the hell was that for?” I mutter, facing forward.

“You were falling asleep again,” he chuckles quietly, “Another… late night?”

I scoff and shake my head, “You’re a child.”

“You didn’t say ‘no’.”

“No, Jean,” I hiss, “I just… couldn’t sleep.”

I can feel him deflate slightly behind me. “...oh…”

“Yeah.”

“...I get them, too.”

“I really hope you don’t.”

Connie, standing beside me, scoots closer. “What’re we talkin’ about?”

Jean answers at the same time as I do. “Sex.”

“Food.”

Connie’s eyebrows furrow slightly as he risks a glance at me. “...huh?”

I sigh and roll my eyes, “We were talking about-”

“Did someone say ‘food’?” Sasha whispers excitedly behind me.

I sigh and roll my eyes again. “You three are-”

“Hilarious.”

“Your favorites.”

“Really hungry.”

Groaning softly, I shake my head at their responses. “Gods… I thought Armin, Eren, and Mikasa were a lot… then I had to get you knuckleheads thrown in, too.”

“Now!” Ness states, looking significantly more disheveled than he did a few minutes ago. Adjusting the bandana around his head, he huffs and stands up straight. “Follow me and I’ll show you to your dorms- and then you’ll be introduced to your horses.”

He walks off, leading us between the stables and the looming walls of the castle. My eyes trail up the crumbling stone- plants and vines and flowers managing their way through the cracks- and over the rolling hills dotted with trees. Sunlight floods the stone courtyard, basking us all in its warmth.

It reminds me of home.

Not Shiganshina- but of the modest cottage in the forest. I smile to myself, watching Sasha bother Jean with Connie’s help just in front of me. I remember playing with her in the trees. We made and marked that forest. There isn’t a tree in that entire forest we haven’t carved up with arrows and knives or with the undersides of our shoes as we climbed their roots and limbs. Sasha would be afraid at first- of foxes or wolves or falling or tripping. But as soon as I took her hand and led her to the sunlight, to the tops of the trees, to the very breath of the sky… she’d always hunger for more. To go to the brightest spot in the forest, to climb the highest tree, to scale the steepest cliff.

My smile starts to fade slightly.

She’s even more afraid than she used to be… did I cause that? Does she even remember? She was young when I left… Does she remember when she scraped her knee and told her that she was now one with the forest- that its blood was in her and her blood in it? Does she remember that first tree we climbed together? Does she remember the nights we would run barefoot around the dew-covered clearings in the heart of the woods with no light to guide us except that of the moon? Does she remember what it was like to not be afraid?

Will we ever get to go back…?

The group stops. Ness smiles at us and points down the hallway to our left. “Down this hallway are the boys’ rooms,” he points to the hallway to our right. “And down this one is the girls’.” He chuckles and turns back to us. “There is… one other thing.”

Uh oh.

“There’s only one bathroom.”

I stifle a groan. It’s a goddamn castle. How in the walls is that even possible- one bathroom, my ass.

“Well… only one that’s in good enough shape to be used, anyway. ‘sides the officers’ bathroom...” Ness admits, a sheepish smile growing on his lips as he rubs the back of his head. “You’re welcome to fix up the other ones, though! ...although, I think you’d need help…” Ness continues muttering more to himself than anyone else.

One bathroom. Unbelievable. I growl under my breath as Ness marches us back out into the courtyard. You’d think Captain Shortstack would be all over the renovations of this place- bathrooms included.

Whatever. It’s not like I shower when everyone else does, anyway. There’s always a possibility I could sneak into the officers’ bathroom like when we were in training… And there was that river...

“I can see you already coming up with a plan,” Sasha appears next to me, lowering her voice. “What’re ya thinkin’?”

I laugh softly, nudging her arm with my elbow. “Nothing regarding food.”

Sasha pouts slightly, “Fine… then what’re ya thinkin’ about?”

“Just plannin’ my way into the officers’ bathroom.”

“Oooh,” Sasha laughs maliciously. “Do you think they’ll have hot water?”

I sigh, closing my eyes and imagining the steam and feel of hot water cascading down my body. Hot water was a privilege in the Cadet Corps. ...one that was constantly being robbed from me. I’d mostly show up after everyone had already showered, praying that maybe I’d have even a moment to myself to unwind- and to not be stared at. And nearly every time, I bathed in freezing cold water. But there were a few times where I’d be wrapped in steam, delicate streams of hot water warming my frigid body.

...now that I think about it, those ‘few times’ were whenever Reiner would wake me up early to get in the shower before everyone else.

“Gods,” I mumble, looking at Reiner as he walks with Bertholdt and Annie. “I really hope so, ‘tato-muncher.”

As if he felt my gaze on him, Reiner turns around and smiles. I return the smile with a scrunch of my nose. Reiner’s eyes glide behind me for a second, returning to me before darting back behind me. I turn around to follow his gaze.

Eren.

Eren runs straight for us, green cape flaring out behind him as he charges towards the group. Our eyes meet and his pace increases. My hand latches onto Sasha’s sleeve and tugs, “‘Tato! ‘Tato, look!” I laugh, slapping Connie’s shoulder. “Look who it is!”

Connie and Sasha turn around and I can hear the others turn along with them. Armin and Mikasa greet him first, taking him into their arms and speaking quietly amongst themselves for a moment. When they break away, Eren’s smile widens as he looks over us.

“...you’re all here?” he asks quietly, smile slightly fading. “You all joined the Scouts?”

“Well, yeah,” I laugh, “Why else would we be here- shits ‘nd giggles?”

Eren rolls his eyes before scanning over us again. “Wait… if you’re all here… That means Jean, Marco, and Annie all joined the Military Police.”

My heart plummets like a rock into my stomach. That’s right. He wasn’t there for the funeral. He doesn’t know.

The remaining section of our group walks up behind Eren- Jean leading them all. Eren turns around and groans. “Not you, too.”

Jean doesn’t react. His face unreadable and voice flat, he rips the bandage off. “Marco’s dead.”

“...what?” Eren mumbles, “What did you just… What’d you just say? Did you say Marco died?”

Jean’s voice stays still as he continues.

“Seems like not everyone can die a dramatic death.”

“You don’t think it’s weird?” I laugh, picking up a section of hay and starting back towards the stable. “We know everyone, every thing’s position in the formation except Eren’s- arguably the most volatile and important piece of information to have. That isn’t the least bit confusing to you?”

Reiner shrugs, taking the hay from my hands. “Dunno… I haven’t really thought about it.”

I huff and shake my head, stepping in front of him and taking the hay back. “I can carry it,” I mutter, looking at the ridges growing in his face. “And by the look on your face, you have been thinking about it.” I turn around, lifting the hay over the stable door and onto the growing pile just beside my horse.

My horse nudges me with his nose, huffing. I smile and rub my hand up and down his nose, “...needy, aren’t we?” I whisper softly.

“Ya gonna give him a name?” Reiner asks, patting his hand against the horse’s neck.

Peeking down under the horse’s neck, I squint up at him. “You didn’t answer me.”

Reiner rolls his eyes and walks away, sighing. “You didn’t ask anything.”

“I asked if you were thinking about why we weren’t being filled in on Eren’s location in the formation.”

“Technically, you didn’t ask,” he shoots back.

My eyes lock with his in an intense stare. “...we really gonna do this right now?” I ask quietly, still petting my horse.

Reiner sighs and looks away, running a hand through his hair. I turn back to my horse, letting my forehead rest against his cheek. Reiner sighs again. The three of us stand in silence- only my horse breaking the silence with occasional huffs and flicks of his tail.

“...I have been thinking about it,” Reiner finally mumbles. “But… not like you have.”

Here we go again with him being all cryptic and skittish and avoidant. I am so sick of this game.

“Then how have you been thinking about it, Reiner?” I hiss, lifting my head off my horse and looking into his large grey eye. “All the time- just when I think you’re gonna open up to me about what’s going on in that…” I sigh frustratedly, “That… that… stupid, thick, adorable, blond head’a yours you just… you shut me back out again. And it’s so goddamn irritating, Rei,” I admit with a slight squeak in my voice.

Slowly, I turn to face him, gaze dropping down to the ground. “...I’ve been… I’ve been so open with you. More open than I have with anyone in my whole life- except, I dunno... Sasha- but I just… It’d be nice to have some’a that returned.”

I can hear him get closer to me. Gently, his arms wrap around me and tuck me into his chest. I’m swallowed in his embrace as he runs his fingers up and down my back. “...okay,” he whispers, “okay, darling… I’ll… I’ll try and open up to you, okay? I’ll…” he trails off and sighs, tightening his hold on me as he places his chin on the top of my head.

“I know how hard it is, and… I… I’m not trying to force it out of you or anything… I just… I want to help you,” I whisper quietly. “And I promise you, Rei...I’m not going anywhere.”

There’s a coldness in his laugh. It leaves his lips like ice and falls to the floor like daggers. “Thank you, darling. Just…,” Reiner takes my shoulders, pushing us apart. His gold eyes have slightly lost their luster as they peer deep into me. I squirm slightly in his stare, eyebrows furrowing. “You have to understand that there is a lot happening- something... bigger, darling.”

I blink and tilt my head slightly to the side. “Did you… did you get another assignment?” I ask quietly, “Something under the table?”

Reiner is quiet for a moment, eyes flicking between mine. “...yes. Something under the table- from people higher than the Captain.”

My eyes widen slightly. Is this what’s been weighing on him for so long? That’s why he’s been missing at times? What he’s been trying to tell me? Another assignment that he can’t talk about, even with me-

Oh gods.

I feel like a total ass.

“Who…?” I ask quietly, taking note of the way he straightens up to scan around us before shrinking back down.

Reiner scoots us back, tucking me up against the stable door. “I… I can’t tell you but… you understand that, right, darling?” He asks hopefully, a small lilt to his voice. Gently, his fingers trail my face and a small smile crosses my face. His lips mirror mine.

“I understand that, love,” I hum, leaning into his touch. “I do… I do have another question.”

Reiner smiles wider, lovingly staring down at me. “What is it, darling?”

Nervous claws at my stomach.

I shouldn’t ask this.

Why? He’s finally being open with me- willing to at least tell me what’s wrong. Shouldn’t I-

No. There’s something bigger here. Don’t. Ask.

“__________?”

I swallow my fear and meet his gaze. “...I heard you the night after the first clean-up operation,” I admit quietly, “with Annie and Bertholdt.”

Reiner’s eyes darken, dropping down and avoiding my gaze. “...how much did you...?”

“Not much,” I laugh nervously, “Just you guys arguing about telling me… and Annie saying to only tell me when you’re sure of how I’d feel.”

With a sigh of relief, he closes his eyes and smiles. He quickly presses his lips to my forehead. “Okay, okay… Okay… Sorry, I just… I don’t need t’get... chewed out for that.” I chuckle softly, “So… that big’a deal, huh?”

Reiner laughs, “Yes. That big of’a deal.”

“...so… it’s you, Annie, and Bertholdt,” I mumble, picking at the leather strap running down his chest. “Anyone else that I know?”

“No, just us three.”

“Am… am I in danger?” I ask jokingly, “All this secrecy- it makes me wonder.”

Reiner doesn’t laugh with me.

“Rei?” I call, looking up at him. “...am I?”

His eyes slide down to me, a small smile on his lips. “...stick with me, darling- I’ll keep ya safe.”

“...what?”

“There’s a lot at work here, __________,” Reiner sighs, his eyes going hazy for a second as he relives whatever is ‘at work’. Blinking, he focuses back on me. “But I can keep you safe. I’ve been keeping you safe.”

What does this even mean? Are there people I can’t trust? If that’s true, then what? What am I supposed to do? Be some tiny little doll cowering in fear behind him? I hate being treated like some weak, fragile, defenseless thing. And what if he gets hurt protecting me? What then? What if something goes wrong and he ends up being blamed for something he didn’t do?

And what about Sasha?

“...what about my sister? What about her? Who’s gonna keep her safe?” I ask, clutching the fabric covering his chest, “If anything happens to Sasha, I…”

“Nothing’s gonna happen to Sasha,” Reiner hums quietly, “We’re gonna keep her safe.”

“And Eren? Mikasa? Armin? What about the boys? If any of them get hurt, Rei, I just… I don’t think I could…”

“__________,” he says firmly, catching my attention. Slowly, my eyes slide up to meet his again. They’re gentle and glowing in the fading sunlight. His hand trails down my face again, leaving a buzzing wake behind it.

“You need to trust me.”

I swallow and nod quickly. “Okay, yes, okay… Okay, you’re right. We… We are all gonna be okay.”

Reiner chuckles and lets his chin rest on the top of my head as he tucks me into his chest again.

“That’s my girl.”

“Oiii!” I yell, waving a hand over my head. “Ponytail!”

Eld’s head starts swiveling around, looking for whoever called him. With a gentle kick of my horse, he trots closer. “Eld!” I call again, sliding off the side of my horse. My feet hit the dirt just in front of him as I straighten up, shaking a few stray hairs out of my eyes. “It’s good to see ya again.”

Eld smiles and chuckles, gesturing down to the emerald green cape around my shoulders. “So you made it.”

I look down and rub the fabric between my fingers. A smile crosses my face as I look back up to him. “Just like I dreamed I would.”

“You’re in pretty high spirits,” Oluo scoffs as he walks by with a supply box. Setting it down into a wagon, he huffs and turns to face us. “Considering we’ll all be facing death in a few hours.”

“Always the charmer, huh?” I mutter quietly, earning a small laugh from Eld. “And if you have t’know, I’m just happy we’re one step closer to going outside the walls…” I smile to myself, imagining the places Armin used to talk about. Fire water, ice hills, saltwater that goes on for so long even the merchants couldn’t drain all the salt from it.

I think that’ll be my favorite. ‘Sea’.

Oluo scoffs again. “Bright-eyed, suicidal recruit… Just don’t get someone else killed, will ya?”

“What the hell’s that supposed t’mean?” I snap back.

Oluo smiles crookedly, realisation splitting his face like a piece of china. “Struck a nerve, huh?,” he laughs, “Better get rid of those if you wanna make it.”

“Bold talk for someone that’s too insecure to keep his own personality,” I mutter, rolling my eyes. I turn my attention back to Eld- who’s gone awfully quiet as the two of us went at it. A blush is back on his cheeks and I can see him fidgeting with his gaze in an effort to mind his own business.

“...uhm…” He mumbles as his eyes catch someone walking behind me. “This is Petra!” Eld blurts, tugging a woman by the arm. “The one that checked on you when you were, uh… asleep.”

“In a coma, more like,” I laugh, dipping my head to the woman. She has ginger hair cut just above her shoulders and soft, kind eyes. There’s something about her that reminds me so much of a deer for some reason.

Petra’s eyes suddenly light up as she looks over me again. “I remember you- you’re __________! I didn’t know you had your heart set on the Scouts. Which is surprising… considering how much Eld talks about you.”

Eld’s face goes even redder. He stands rigidly, eyes fixated on the horizon.

...I think he just went into shock.

“Well, thank you,” I hum, giving Petra another smile. “For checking in on me.”

Petra shakes her head, “It wasn’t any issue at all.”

I dip my head again and lightly punch Eld’s shoulder. “Hopefully you told her the story of how I kicked your and Oluo’s asses.”

Petra tilts her head slightly to the side before a wicked smile crosses her lips. “...I don’t think I’ve heard that one, __________. Please, tell me.”

“Well, I was walking down an alleyway when-”

“That’s good!” Eld suddenly yelps, “Thank you so much, __________, for stopping by, but the Captain’s calling us!”

Petra giggles as Eld walks behind her, pushing her by the shoulders. Captain Shortstack Jackass is watching them with his arms crossed over his chest, eyebrows furrowed. He very obviously didn’t call either of them. “You’ll have to tell me when we get back!” Petra calls.

“Of course!” I laugh, watching as Eld goes even redder. Petra waves over his shoulder and I do the same before mounting my horse. I give his neck a gentle pat and urge him forward- back towards the stable.

“You... need a name, Horse,” I mutter as we trot past the various wagons and other Scouts getting their horses and gear ready. “All horses have names… I guess.”

Horse huffs at me.

“Well… you’re…” I look down at his coat as we start to pick up speed. It shimmers in the sunlight, revealing the faint speckles of black and grey under his cream-colored coat. “You’re cream and you’ve got freckles. And last I checked, you have grey-” Horse looks over slightly at me, light-brown eyes glistening. “Sorry… brown eyes. And black mane and tail.”

My eyes flick up, locking onto the figure standing just a few feet in front of my horse. Gripping the reins, I tug back to stop Horse from trampling whoever is in front of me. Instead, I feel myself being shot forward and colliding with the ground. Pain shoots out from my arm, branching out in heated flashes.

I roll onto my back and stare up at the clouds as they lazily float by. “Gods…” I mutter to myself, “That sucked.”

“Told you I’m better at handling horses than you.”

I sit straight up. My head on a swivel, I look around for the voice. It sounded just like… It couldn’t have been- no. No, I’m just-

My eyes land on him. Standing just a couple feet away, with a green Scouts cape on over his shoulders and ODM gear strapped on. He laughs, walking closer and shaking his head. “Jeez, __________, you’ll really get yourself killed if you keep trying to keep up with me.”

“Freckles?” I whisper.

Marco smiles and laughs again, “Really hit your head hard, didn’t you?”

“Freckles?” I whisper again, reaching out to touch him.

This isn’t real. It can’t be real. He’s dead. Bit in half. Died alone. Left in the sun to rot for days. He’s dead.

“Ah, jeez, you really did hit your head hard,” Marco mumbles, crouching down beside me. “We gotta get you to Sasha. She’s got some experience with injuries, doesn’t she…? And I won’t even tell Reiner! It’ll just be between us, okay?” He asks, worriedly scanning my face.

“Freckles, you… You… You aren’t here.”

“What are ya talkin’ about? I’m right here, remember? We were practicing horseback riding and maneuvering. Don’t you remember the bet we had?”

Wait a moment.

This was real.

This… this happened already, why am I…?

“...it was my haul from the Commandant’s office,” I whisper, “The… the fountain pen. You’d… you’d take it if I couldn’t pull off a sharp turn and activate my ODM gear while jumping off my horse.”

Tears start to cloud my vision as I stare up at him. “You aren’t really here,” I croak, “Are you?”

Marco shakes his head.

“...I miss you, Freckles,” I smile, tears slipping down my face as I look up at him. My hand brushes through his cheek- like he was a colored mist- but his smile remains. “Gods, I miss you.”

“You’ll see us again.”

I nod, feeling my tears start down the sides of my face. “...tell Franz and Hanna I said ‘hi’.”

“I will.”

“And you… you stay outta trouble, you hear me?” I laugh, tears choking me at the base of my chest.

“You’re the one that needs to stay outta trouble.”

I nod and laugh again, shaking my head.

“...take… take care’a the others for me, will you?” I nod silently. Marco looks up as Horse trots closer. “It’s time for me to go. Just… close your eyes, okay?”

My eyes slide closed before voices start to swarm around me. Bleeding into one another, it makes it so damned hard to hear what anyone is actually saying. All I can do is feel.

And someone’s got me by the shoulders, shaking me pretty damned hard.

I open my eyes to see familiar faces. “...I’ve got to stop waking up to you guys looking down at me like I’ve died.”

The four of them sigh.

“If you die because of a stupid horse incident, I’ll never forgive you,” Jean mutters, getting to his feet and walking away. I can hear him muttering about ‘how stupid’ of a funeral that would be.

“What?” I laugh, wincing at the pain shooting from above my left eye. My fingers graze the spot- only to pull away with a scarlet coloring.

Ah, shit.

“So,” Reiner grumbles, scooping me off the ground effortlessly. “You and your horse have a bit of an issue?”

I scoff, curling into myself as my head starts to pound.

“No?” He asks as we walk towards the castle. “Then what the Hell kind of stunt were you tryin’a pull?”

“I-,” I stop and groan, clutching my temples as they begin to sear. “I… I thought… I thought I saw someone.”

Reiner looks down at me as he pushes the castle door open with his back. Eyebrows furrowed, eyes flicking over every inch of me. It’s the same damn look as every other time I’ve gotten hurt. Which… arguably… is a lot of times.

The ODM incident where I almost cracked my skull open on a tree branch.

The time I slipped and fell in the bathroom.

The sparring training where I cracked three of my ribs. And my arm. And dislocated my shoulder. All because I wouldn’t yield.

The rooftop.

The grocery store.

Various little minor accidents scattered throughout.

And now this.

We round the corner and he places me onto a bed. I watch as he runs a hand down my face and sticks his head out the hallway to look around before returning to my side. Reiner sighs. “What am I gonna do with you?”

“Love me,” I hum, closing my eyes slightly as the pain throbs and squirms beneath my skin. “Unconditionally.”

“Gods,” he mutters, scooting closer. “I probably will.”

“Probably?” I ask quietly. “Not ‘most definitely’?”

A deep sigh passes his lips. It rumbles in his chest like thunder. Calming, soothing, gentle thunder. Memories of the forest running to find shelter as another storm took us by surprise. Bare feet padding the grass. Clothes sticking to our skins. Hair plastered to our faces- much like our smiles. Wiping her face as she ducks behind my arm. Telling her that the forest was telling the sky a joke, that the thunder was the sky’s laughter. Watching her peek out to watch the forest and sky talk, laughing as she swears she heard the punchline.

Does she remember what it was like to not be afraid?

“Hey,” Rei mutters, shaking my arm slightly. “Don’t go to sleep on me yet.”

“...sorry,” I mumble, opening my eyes and letting them glide to his spot beside me. “Where is she-”

The door slams open. Sasha- with eyes wide and clutching medical supplies to her chest- pants in the doorway. “Did I make it?” She asks wearily.

“Did…,” I trail off, sitting up to look at her. “Did you think I died?”

Sasha shakes her head, kicking the door closed just as Connie and Jean try to walk in behind her. “No,” she mutters. Plopping down beside me, she looks over me. “Just thought maybe you’d passed out.”

“Check my eyes,” I remind her. Sasha nods and leans in, forcing open my eyes with her fingers.

“...your eye-holes seem to be fine.”

“...my pupils?”

“Eye-holes. Same thing.”

I know Sasha’s joking but by the look on Reiner’s face, he does not.

“She’s only kidding, love,” I whisper as I take his hand. “She knows the basics.”

“Yep,” Sasha agrees, digging through the pile of medical supplies she brought in. “And you don’t have a concussion- and that thing on your head doesn’t need stitches- it should heal in a week or so... so you’re good to go after I clean it… ha!” She snatches a bottle of saline and a bandage. “You’ll be all good in no time, __________. Trust me.”

I’m the one that taught her. Why don’t I trust her?

“You awake?”

I focus back in on the now. The present. My surroundings.

Scattered trees and hills to the right. Denser trees on my left. Two horses trailing behind me. No flares from either direction. Reiner just in front of me.

“Always am.”

“Good.” He starts to pull back on his horse, levelling off with me. “How’s your head?”

Instinctively, I reach up and graze the bandage. “I don’t feel anything.”

“Good.”

“...are you okay?” I ask, looking over at him. His skin is pale and flushed pink with a slight tinge to his ears. “Here. Drink some.” Unbuckling my flask, I hand it to him.

...and he downs the entire thing before handing it back to me.

“Rei, are you sick?”

“No, I just-”

“Well, love, you look like you’re either about to shit yourself or vomit,” I laugh worriedly, “Are you sure?”

“__________, listen, I…,” he sighs and looks away. He’s even more red now.

I nudge him with my elbow. “I’m listening.” I smirk, stirrupping Horse again. My eyes turn to the horizon, scanning for any flares or anything that approaches us.

Reiner returns my smile and sighs shakily. “I wanna-”

Something appears in the distance. “What is that?” I mumble, staring at the thing. “Do you see it?” I point. “That.”

Reiner looks at the thing, squinting. “I… I can’t tell.”

“Should we fire a flare off?” I ask, reaching to my saddlebag. “Just in case?”

“Just… hang on-”

He stops just as the thing changes form, moving closer towards us and faster.

It takes shape as it grows. Fourteen meters, blonde hair.

Female body type.

My hands move on their own- throwing the canister into the gun, lifting it straight up, and firing. Red smoke fires out from the gun into the clouds. “Rei, we have to move!” I yell, turning the horses in towards the center of the formation.

I look over my shoulder, watching the two horses trail after Reiner. He stays going forward, heading right for it with glazed eyes. “Reiner!”

My eyes follow his gaze as I bring Horse to a stop. They land on the Female Titan, who snatches something from mid-air and dropkicks it. Blood trails after the broken body and I watch ODM wires disconnect from the Female Titan’s body- following the body.

It’s… is it like Eren? A person inside it?

“Reiner!” I scream again.

It gets his attention. Snapping out of his daze, Reiner makes a sharp turn.

As he gets closer, I press my heels into Horse’s sides. “Ha!”

Footsteps follow after us, thundering and quivering the very organs inside of me. My breath catches in my lungs as I feel it- her- getting closer. Gods. Gods, please. Not like this. Not like this. Not like this. Not like this.

Something flashes at my side. With trembling force, a foot lands beside me- crushing one of the horses before it could even make a sound.

We’re going to die. Right now, we are going to die.

I wince, waiting for her to reach down and crush me in her hand. Reiner yells something but it’s lost in the frantic whinnies of our horses, the pounding of my heart, the panting of my lungs. When it reaches me, it’s blurred together like the colors in my eyes.

‘I’ve gotten hurt’ is what it sounds like.

Gods, please. Spare us.

My fists clutch the reins as I look up. Blonde hair, blue eyes, fourteen meters. This is what will kill me.

The Female Titan’s other foot collides with the earth beside me. All at once, sounds and colors and shapes retract into their determined forms. Everything flushes back into focus as the Female Titan takes another step away from us. I watch as she continues sprinting towards the center- leaving us in her wake. Her head turns to look over her shoulder before she presses forward.

Right to Armin.

“Rei!” I yell, sticking Horse again. “She’s gonna hit Armin! She’s headed right for him!”

“C’mon!” He yells back, appearing at my side.

“This is the job we chose, right?” Jean snaps, “So lend me a hand!”

The rest of us are silent. Only hoofbeats and footsteps resound around us. Silently, Armin pulls his hood up over his head. “...pull your hoods up. Over your heads- far down enough so she can’t see your face.”

“You’re thinking she won’t kill anyone that could be Eren,” Reiner mutters, tugging his hood up over his head. “...that’s a nice, but small, consolation… Let’s hope she has bad eyes, too.”

Jean shakes his head, laughing. “I was always creeped out the way you used to hang around Eren so much,” he mutters as he pulls his hood up. “But I always knew you were capable.”

“...‘creeped out’ is a little harsh but thanks,” Armin mumbles.

Feeling the three pairs of eyes on me, I tug my hood up as well. “...I always knew I’d die next to you three bastards.”

“Well. If we don’t,” Reiner chuckles, “We’ll throw a big party ‘nd get married.”

“Oh yeah,” I scoff, pulling my swords out from their holsters. “We’ll have a big ol’ buffet ‘nd everything. I’ll even have a live band play for us.”

“You two lovebirds over there still squawking?” Jean barks, leaning forward to glare at us.

“Will you shut up for a minute?” Reiner shoots back, “I’m… Kinda doin’ something.”

“You can ‘kinda do something’ after this!” Jean yells, “We’re not dying today.”

“Fine!” I snap, “I’m not spending my last moments fighting with you two morons! Let’s just do this. Delay her as long as we can- by any means necessary. Got it?!”

The three grunt in agreement. “Jean, go to her left,” Reiner starts, “Armin, you go to her right. __________, you-”

“I’m going with Armin!” I whip my reins and follow after Armin as he heads to the Female Titan’s right hand side.

We level off just behind her. “She’s much slower than when she attacked me!” Armin comments, “If we’re going to do this, it has to be now!”

“Wait for Jean!” I yell, “He’s the best out of us with ODM gear. If he can get a good angle on her, it’ll be us being his support!”

A flash shoots out, launching into the Female Titan’s leg. Jean flies in behind it with his swords readied. The Titan crouches down and spins- flinging Jean. Armin and I get to our feet and stand on our horses’ backs. As my wires stick into the Female Titan’s leg, I give Horse a tap of my heel that sends him running away from the Titan.

Something swipes just under my legs. Everything around me slows as I watch the Titan’s hand bat Armin’s horse out from underneath him. His name leaves my lips the same way it did when Shiganshina fell. Breathless. Screeching. Desperate. “Armin!”

“__________!” Reiner’s voice carries out over my own.

Before I can do anything, I feel something crack against my back. I’m pushed forward- colliding with the earth and rolling for a few feet. Landing on my back, I stare up in a daze at the clouds.

Aching pain crawls through my veins- igniting my muscles in throbbing, squeezing pain. My back arches as I take long, hard breaths to stop my heart from pounding in my ears. It does nothing but amplify the sound as I feel my lungs burn and the cages around them scream in agony.

Broken ribs. At least a few on each side.

Certain slices and patches of my skin burn from the contact with the ground. Minor scratches, bruises, friction burns.

I’ll live. If she doesn’t finish me off.

Time begins to speed up again- her footsteps not taking so long to hit the ground as they get closer. Clouds seem to flurry past and my heartbeat begins to race once more.

The fight isn’t done yet.

I push myself to my feet, feeling every ache, every pain, every burn a million times over.

The fight isn’t done yet.

I’m not done yet.

The Female Titan tightens her fist, preparing to swing backwards at Jean. Breaking out into a sprint, I click my triggers and shoot my wires into the ground, allowing me to run faster. A blur of gold and green starts towards the Titan as I do- catching me attention so I stutter and stop.

Reiner.

Teeth gritted, eyes blazing, blades glinting. He’s going for her nape.

Armin’s yelling something. The Titan stays completely still as he continues screaming.

And then she snaps.

She catches Reiner’s body in her hand.

My heart stops. Blood stops. Lungs stop.

Everything.

Stops.

“...no.”

Chills run down my spine- dull and weak. Nothing like adrenaline.

Fear.

“No… no.”

I shake my head, watching as Reiner’s body disappears in her grasp.

Someone grabs my waist, tugs me away. “No!” I scream, thrashing around as everything starts to move again. “No!”

“__________!” Jean yells, pulling me away. “We have to go!”

A blur of metal spins out from her grip, severing her fingers off from the base of her palm. Reiner pushes out and around her back. Grabbing Armin, he sprints away from her and towards us.

The four of us break out into a sprint as she stares down at her palm. She gets to her feet and runs away from us- her hand still steaming.

Something breaks inside of me. Tears start running down my face as Reiner sidles up next to me. Armin- bleeding from his forehead- is in his arms. Titan blood evaporates off of Reiner’s hair and shoulders as he looks down at me. “We’ll be okay! She won’t eat us unless she’s a cannibal! We-”

I cut him off, punching his shoulder as hard as I can. “Don’t you ever pull that shit again, Reiner Braun!” I snap, furiously wiping the tears rolling down my face. “I swear on the walls, I… I will kill you myself if you do, do you hear me?! You scared the shit outta me! I… I thought I lost you.”

Reiner laughs breathlessly. “I told you, darling. We haven’t gotten married, yet. I can’t die until that happens.”

“We aren’t leaving anyone behind,” I snap, tightening Armin’s bandages. “None of that, you hear me?”

“We might not have a choice,” Armin mutters, “If we all stay behind, we might all-”

“I said no!”

The three of us go silent as Jean continues whistling for his horse.

But the question still hangs in the air.

Who’s going to stay behind?

There’s only one horse- there’s four of us. If somehow one of us gets our horse back, we’ll be able to get out of here but until then… We’re stranded in Titan country without a means of escape.

“We have to talk about it,” Reiner says quietly.

“No,” I get to my feet and shake my head. “No. We don’t.”

“__________-”

I hold up a hand to stop him, “Don’t.” Turning to Jean, I gesture to his bag. “You have an emergency flare, yeah?”

Jean nods and gets it out, loading it into his gun. Shooting it into the sky, purple smoke trails up from our location.

It’s a long shot, but they might get the message.

“We can wait three more minutes,” Reiner says firmly. “During then, we’ll decide who’s gonna-”

“I’ll stay.” My head snaps to Armin. “Just get a message to the command section- to Commander Erwin, if you can.”

“I’m staying, too, then.”

“__________, no-” Reiner starts.

“I don’t want to hear it, Rei,” I mumble, “Please. I don’t… I don’t want to hear it but look. We’re both injured. Armin’s got a possible concussion and he’s bleeding. I’ve broken half a dozen ribs and I’ve got more bruises than I know what to do with. If anyone’s staying it’s-”

“Neither of you,” Jean laughs, “Someone’s coming this way with three horses.” The three of us look over to him as he shades his face from the sun. “I think it’s… It looks like… Christa!”

“Guys!” Christa’s dainty voice rings out as she approaches, “Are you okay?!”

I huff a laugh, “Define ‘okay’, blondie!”

“If __________’s still cracking jokes, she’s still alive, right?” Christa laughs, coming to a stop just in front of us. The three horses surrounding her skid to a stop.

Horse trots up to me, nudging me with his nose. “Hey there, Horse,” I mutter, pressing my head against his. “Ya miss me?”

“What happened to you guys?” Christa asks as she looks over me. “You look awful.”

“Aw, gee, thanks, blondie,” I giggle, “I feel awful.”

Christa’s soft face tightens slightly in concern. “...you’re sure you’ll be okay riding alone? Your horse… I dunno his name… but he seems to run alongside me pretty well- even without a harness.”

“Yeah, that’s him, alright,” I mumble, rubbing Horse’s nose. “But I think I’ll be alright.”

“...I’m with Christa,” Jean says warily, “You broke six ribs.”

“What?!” Christa screeches. “Six?! No, ma’am! You’re riding with me or with Jean! Six ribs- what were you thinking?!”

I shrug. “I’ve done worse.”

“Worse?!”

Oops. Shouldn’t have said that.

Christa sighs, pinching her eyes closed. “Fine. The past is the past. I can’t change it. But you- right now- are going to ride with Jean or me. Pick one.”

“Yes, Your Majesty,” I mumble with a smirk. “I’ll ride with you. Give the boys a little show, how ‘bout that?”

Christa turns a light shade of pink as Reiner helps me sit on top of Christa’s horse. “You behave,” Reiner mutters with a stern look.

But I can see it.

A little mischievous smirk plays his lips as he pulls away.

“Yes sir,” I coo, “I’ll be on my best behaviour.”

The four of us start off towards the center. “What’s your horse’s name?” Christa asks. “He really seems to like you. Before, I couldn’t get him to hold still- then, when I said your name, he calmed down and followed us perfectly fine.”

“...I just call him Horse.”

“...oh…”

I sigh and turn around to watch as Horse gallops. Cream-colored coat hiding thick muscles that twitch and writhe. Dots- freckles- that spatter his coat. His black mane whips about in the wind.

“Freckles,” I say quietly.

“What?”

“Freckles. That’s his name.”

I groan, letting my head fall back as my legs swing off the tree branch. “Rei, we’ve been sitting here for hours and you haven’t said a word to me,” my lip juts out in a pout, “Please talk to me.”

Reiner grumbles under his breath. His arms cross over his chest as he sits on the farest end of the tree branch away from me.

“Baby,” I whine, “you aren’t still mad at me for-”

“Yes, I’m still mad at you for being a tease. And we’ve been out here an hour. Hour and a half, tops.”

“Tch,” I groan again, “Baby, it was just a joke. I didn’t mean to drop my ring.” I hold my hand out in the sun to look at my moonstone ring as it glistens. “It wasn’t on purpose.”

“...you dropped it three times before we got up here.”

“I would never do anything to tease you.” Reiner raises an eyebrow and I roll my eyes. “On a mission.”

Rei’s shoulders lose some of their tension. “...you really didn’t mean to?”

“Of course not, baby,” I coo softly. “Not on a mission.”

Reiner sighs and rolls his eyes before getting to his feet. Wordlessly, he plops down beside me and lays his hand over mine on the branch. “You only call me ‘baby’ when you’re guilty,” he murmurs into the shell of my ear. “...so I forgive you.”

“Oh good, you caught on,” I tease, nudging him with my elbow.

“Easy, there, girl,” he huffs, “you’re still on thin ice.”

“You can’t stay mad at me,” I turn to face him and flash him a face-splitting smile. “I’m your darling.”

“...you’re right,” Rei laughs softly. “I could never.”

The two of us fall into a comfortable- buzzing with adrenaline but still comfortable- silence. I lean forward to look at the Titans gathered at the base of our tree, clawing and gripping the bark in an attempt to get to us. Hungrily, they salivate and stare up at us with glazed eyes.

The Female Titan. Why is she doing what she was? If she’s human, wouldn’t she want the walls to remain? They keep us safe for the time being. The outside world isn’t ready for us to break down our walls. And if she does want the walls gone, why?

And who is she?

“...are you listening?”

“Hm?” I ask, leaning back. “No, I’m sorry, I was just…,” my eyes flick down to the Titans, “...lost in thought.”

“I was just asking how your sides are.”

My fingers rub against my sides. They aren’t sore, they don’t hurt. I’ve always healed fast but knowing how long it’s supposed to take to heal sometimes, it’s… a little disconcerting. “I don’t feel anything.”

“...you’re better already?”

I shrug, “It could just be adrenaline. Or maybe they weren’t as badly broken as we thought they were. Bruising and breaks are really similar…”

Reiner hums in acknowledgment. “As long as you feel okay. When we get back, I’m still getting you checked out.”

“Yes sir.”

I lean over the side of the branch to see the Titans again. “It’s strange that we weren’t directed around the forest.” I comment quietly, leaning over more before my ODM wire locks into place.

“...Iyeah,” Reiner mutters, “Why wouldn’t we just go around?”

“I dunno,” I strain, slightly jiggling the wire a bit. “But do you think it was on purpose?”

“It’s Commander Erwin,” Rei chuckles, “Of course it was.”

“That’s true… I just… It’s so hard for us to see threats coming in,” I grip the wire and tug harder. “So why send them in?”

“Assuming he knows of the right flank casualties, we should’ve retreated a long time ago,” he mutters, “But we’re here and the center flank is somewhere in the trees.”

“Which is also weird, right?” I ask, yanking on the wire even harder. “I mean, if we are gonna go in, why not-”

The wire snaps out of the branch. The force of me pulling sends me over the edge of the branch. I watch as the wire extends rapidly- reeling me down towards the Titans’ grasps. Reiner runs to the end, reaching out to grab my hand.

But it’s too late.

A hand wraps around my body and pulls, unlatching my ODM wire from the tree. It starts to tighten as it turns me around to face it. My eyes lock onto it and I scream, thrashing around wildly. My arms are pinned in its hold- trapped against the steel of my ODM blade holsters and the clammy flesh wrapped around me.

Another Titan stares at me hungrily. As I look at it, red light starts to pour from its eyes like fog. Without warning, it lunges. I wince and duck away- waiting to be engulfed in moist darkness.

It doesn’t come. It’s replaced with an unearthly howl of pain and the sound of tearing flesh.

The grip around me falls away and as I’m spun in a free-fall, I catch glimpses of the scene above me. Red fog pours from the Titans’ eyes as they all latch onto the Titan that grabbed me. Bite by bite, they tear into the searing flesh of the Titan and devour the steaming chunks of bleeding meat.

They’re… eating it.

The red fog.

It was real.

My body stops, swinging up before I hit the forest floor. As we land on another branch, Reiner hugs me to his body tightly. “You scared the shit out of me,” he says raggedly. I feel tears drip onto my shoulder. But I don’t look at him- even as he pulls away, gripping my shoulders.

My eyes are focused on the fog swirling through the bodies of the Titans.

What the Hell is it?

Why does it keep following me?

Why does it keep saving me?

“...__________!”

I’m pulled back into my body- away from the grasping hands of the Titans that force muscles and tendons and organs down their throats. Blankly, I stare at Reiner. “What happened?” he asks quietly, looking over his shoulder at the Titans. “Are you-”

A scream rips out of my throat as I look down at my hands. My fingers start to rake through my skin, clawing for the source of the red fog.

Get it out.

Get. It. Out.

Reiner’s hands fumble with mine as they try to stop me from continuing the hurried slicing of my skin. “Darling, darling,” he says calmly as he grabs my wrists, “Darling, hey, look at me. Look at me.”

Wildly, my eyes fly around my surroundings.

Get it out. Red fog. Red fog. I have to get it out. I have to find it.

Red fog. I have to get it out.

Red fog.

“__________!” Reiner snaps, shaking me by my wrists, “Look at me!”

My gaze settles on him but I can feel myself twitching and writhing in place.

Red fog.

Get it out. I have to get it out.

“...you’re okay,” he mumurs, “You’re okay now, okay, darling? You’re safe.”

Tears burst from my eyes, leaking down my face as I roll my hands around from my wrists. Trembling violently, my body falls to the floor. Reiner catches me before I fall, scooping me up under my arms and holding me to him.

“There’s something... inside of me,” I strain, keeping down the screams wanting to claw their way out. My nails rake his back- threatening to rip through the fabric. “There is... something inside of me, Rei. I don’t know what it is. And I’m so scared, Rei. I just… I don’t… I don’t understand it. I… I don’t know... what it is. There’s… There’s something inside of me, Reiner, please! Please, Rei! Take it out! Get it out of me!”

WHEW

a doozy like i said. if you made it this far, i am so proud of you. my short attention span could literally never. as always thank you so much for reading and i hope to hear your thoughts and comments!

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