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pinkie-pop · 8 months

Text

"We've Seen The Devil—He Was Hiding In The Mirror."

Part I Part II Part III Part IV

Featuring: Gender-Neutral Reader, Twisted Wonderland Various x Reader, Self-Aware AU, Yandere TWST

Synopsis: A final oath is made, a covenant of your own. Oh, how you wish you could take it all back.

Word count: 4k

Includes: Agoraphobia, anxiety, PTSD, panic attacks, death (mention), description of injury, suicide (mention),

"You are no savior—nor purpose nor God. You are damnation—a phony and fraud.

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You do not quite know why you took their hand. Perhaps it was because you felt some semblance of compassion towards the one who was first. Perhaps it was because you were afraid of what they might do, should you refuse them. Or maybe it was nothing more than a reaction—they reached out their hand, and you took it. Automatically. Unthinkingly.

You do not quite know why you took their hand. Though, logically, you know you shouldn't have. Humans are anything but logical, however—you've served as the unfortunate witness enough times to know it well. So really, it is not surprising that you took their hand, only unfortunate.

And that unfortunate decision has turned into something you cannot escape. You cannot very well take back your promise. The second your hand made contact with theirs, the Wraith dispersed around you. And porcelain turned to flesh. Yuu became real. Flesh and blood from metal and wires, from pottery and glue. Whatever they may be made of, it was solid. Solid enough to stand before you, crushing your lungs with their iron grip.

You suppose you may as well try to use it to your advantage. You reason that it is good to have someone on your side, and that it is better to have a crazy person with you than no one at all. You don't mean to diminish Grim's efforts—it is thanks to him that you are still breathing, after all—but his presence does not exactly instill confidence. At the very least, Yuu is big enough to serve as a meat shield. A rather macabre thought, for sure—but one may reason that you can be forgiven for it, considering all that has happened thus far.

You flinch as omething pokes your eye, effectively dragging you out of your thoughts. You attempt to retract your face from the protruding object, but a familiar hand on your chin tightens its grip to keep you still.

"If you keep squirming you're going to ruin it," Yuu says, dabbing your face with a cloth to redo the eyeliner you had unintentionally smudged. They work in silence for a few more minutes as you try to stay still. "All done. Take a look." You take a hesitant peek at the reflection in the mirror Yuu held up. It was them who had talked you into letting them apply makeup to your face. Originally, you were only going to make use of the concealer to hide what lay under your eyes, but Yuu insisted on a full look. You agreed under the condition that they kept it to the minimum, which, looking at you now, was a promise they seemed to uphold.

"You look ravishing. What do you think?"

"I think it's quite the fortunate coincidence that your skin is the same shade as mine." They smile at that. Their smile is as mysterious as ever, you’ve grown used to it now, though. Though, you have noticed a hint of ever-present jubilance in them after taking their hand. Julbilance which has not so much as wavered despite the days that have passed.

"Is everything else ready?" Yuu nods.

"Are ya' sure ya' wanna do this?" Grim's voice is laced with concern as he looks over the two of you. You hesitate.

"It's something I have to do," you say, your voice holding firm despite the anxiety crawling underneath. "Let's not waste any more time. The bell will be ringing soon." It felt like an eternity ago, but you still remember the bells. Do you fear them for what they prelude? Or are you grateful for their warning?

It is of no consequence. They ring all the same.

Today, you will be among the students who clamor and fill the hallways at the bell’s demand. The mere thought has you turning pale, but you pay yourself little mind. This is something that you must do.

Something squeezes your hand. It’s Yuu. Their touch is cold and uncomforting. Even so, you squeeze back. Yuu, you’ve realized, is quite touchy. They don’t respond well to rejection, either.

“We won’t stay for the whole day,” they reassure you. You nod. Right. You won’t stay for the whole day. You will show your face and then leave.

After taking a deep breath, you slowly put one foot in front of the other and step forward, then again, and again. You walk carefully, imagining the path in front of you to be a field of landminds, with a shoddy metal detector as your only salvation.

One step, clear.

Two steps, clear.

No landmines yet. You are safe.

Three steps, clear.

You are gaining confidence.

Four steps, clear.

You pick up speed.

Five steps, fail.

Your whole body is weightless as you fall. It�� feels as if you are an astronaut hurtling through space. Your knees collapse under you, but you do not hit the ground. It would seem your metal detector has grown limbs and saved you. You stare up at Yuu, body lying limp in their arms. If they have trouble supporting your weight, it does not show. Your legs feel like jelly, but you stand on them anyway. Each step is more difficult than the last, and you fall again at step eleven.

Another day is crossed off of your calendar. This was your fourth attempt. You made it to step forty-threethe first day. The day after, you made it to step twenty-two, then succeeded for twelve steps, today, you only got to five. Each day, you wake up, apply makeup as if it is warpaint, and set out to brave the trenches. Each day, you step on a landmine and watch helplessly as your limbs fly off your body, and each night, you watch as they grow back, each wound in agonizing pain as the tendons realign themselves and the veins weave together. Every morning, you do it again.

Tomorrow will be no different.

———

“You’re moving again,” Yuu sighs in mock exasperation, your eyelids are closed, but you can hear the playful smile in their voice. This smile, at least, you understood, even if you did not quite like it. “Alright, I’m all done.”

“You’re very good at this.”

Yuu grimaces. “I learned it from Vil—he was always nagging me about skincare. I got a pimple once, and he nearly chopped my head off.”

“I see…”

“So listen, I had an idea earlier. How about instead of going to them, they come to us?” You mull over the idea in your head. It’s true that you have… difficulty leaving Ramshackle, but the idea of having them invade the only place you feel safe in is…uncomfortable.

“I don’t want to invite them here.” You settle on.

“How about meeting them in the Wraith, then?” It’s not a bad idea. The Wraith is familiar enough to not immediately panic you but alien enough to not ruin your only haven. Even so, you’re hesitant to actually go there again. Its unfamiliarity, though bearable, makes it uncomfortable. You do not understand how it works. You were not even sure that it really existed.

“Can you…tell me about the Wraith? How does it work? I know you were lying earlier.” Yuu smiles and kisses your cheek, you try not to grimace.

“You don’t need to know.”

———

Today, you are doing your own makeup. You have kicked Yuu out after you caught them leering over you while you slept. They would be back, of course, but at least they are playing along with your wish for privacy.

For now, at least.

Your makeup skills are far more shoddy than Yuu’s, hence why you are sticking to covering the bags under your eyes and making them look more presentable. You do not bother with liner, but you add a touch of mascara, even if only to wipe away the concealer that covers your lashes. The end result is acceptable, you suppose. The makeup hardly makes a difference in your appearance, but at the very least, you do not look quite so unrested.

That is good enough.

Your minimalist routine has given you enough time to enact the second phase of your plan. A persona. Obviously, you cannot just waltz around campus as you are—no, that would be ridiculous. You remember what happened last time, after all. This is why you must create a new you, one that is better. One that will not get you killed or beaten, nor stalked or harassed.

You will become the ideal version of yourself.

You have thought it over plenty these past few days and arrived at the perfect character to suit your needs. It is hard to manufacture a convincing smile, especially when you feel more like crying, but faking neutrality is just as difficult. With a smile, you must constantly be monitoring it, but with a neutral expression, you are far more likely to slip up, to forget that you are playing a role. Hence, you will be a smiler. Your smile will be cheerful but mysterious. Cunning yet serene. It will be the kind of smile that betrays nothing of the smiler’s intentions. You will not just be beautiful—you will be beauty itself.

You gaze into the mirror, donning your smile as if it is a shield and your makeup as if it is amor. You hardly recognize yourself. You don’t look like you.

You look like them.

Instantly, you tear your face away from the mirror and viciously begin wiping away at your makeup. It comes off with some difficulty, and tentatively, you peer up at the mirror—your eyes are red from irritation, and mascara runs down your cheeks like waterfall. Your eyebags are on full display. You look horrible, and so very human.

You smile. It is a small, crooked smile of relief. Finally, you look like yourself again. You breathe out a sigh and lower yourself to the floor. You are not quite sure what came over you—but the incident has left you shaking. You cross out another day of the calendar.

You will try again tomorrow.

———

The pen drops to the floor with a loud thud as it rolls into a pile of its kind. You stare at it for a while, then back at the piece of parchment on the desk. You have not even written a single sentence. Every time you try, your hands become clammy, shakey, and sweaty. You can only manage to cobble together a few letters before the pen falls from your hand and drops to the floor.

You are on your fourteenth pen. You cannot bring yourself to pick them back up, so you grab a new one each time, and now you have finally run out. Sighing, you decide to put the letter-making to rest. You cannot possibly expect to write a reply in such a condition. In fact, you cannot bring yourself to do much of anything at all.

Yuu steps in, casually asking how your attempts are going—all while ignoring the obvious pile of pens and discarded paper. You think they simply like hearing the sound of your voice.

You grumble out a response, and even though your words are more gibberish than anything resembling human language, Yuu nods along as if they understand and even begins to offer their advice. You tune them out, for you are far too drained to listen.

You cut them off, suddenly struck with an idea.

“Actually, I have a favor to ask of you…” Yuu nods along vigorously, seemingly forgetting what they had been saying earlier. Or perhaps they have merely deemed it less important. It is, after all, a request from you. “I want you to go to school tomorrow the same way you usually would.” Yuu stills, and for a moment, they frown.

“Go to school…? Without you?” They look so dejected that you almost consider apologizing or laughing it away as if it were some kind of ill-thought jest. But no. You can’t. You must press on.

“I think that would be best, yes,” you say, trying to avoid their eyes. “It’s just…you’ve seen how things have been going. I’m not ready yet. I can’t face them, but I know I have to.” Briefly, you recall the nightmares you have been having as of late. They are horrible things, these nightmares. They wake you from your slumber and douse you in sweat. In your nightmares, you see the students. They say nothing but ever so slowly walk towards you. They get closer each night. You cannot let them go any further. “That’s why I want you to go for me. Buy me some time, relay a message, just something. Anything.”

“What would you like me to say?”

“That’s…” Oh, dear, you hadn’t thought of that yet. “Just…just say whatever you think is best.” Truthfully, you’d rather not have someone else put words into your mouth and assign them meaning (You do, of course, remember how well that went last time), but there is no other choice. You have nothing to say. And besides, the message is not the important part.

What’s important is Yuu leaving.

Because you will be going to the Wraith.

“As you wish.” Yuu bows their head and leaves the room, something about the way they switched gears leaves you feeling uneasy. The fact that they are behaving as if they are a servant only adds to that unease. Regardless, you cannot ask them about it now, for they have already left—leaving you alone with your thoughts…and a comically large assortment of pens on the floor. You do not bother to pick them up. Lazy as it sounds, you know someone will do it for you later. You would only end up dropping them again, anyway.

You have been doing better on your lonesome. You used to spiral into a panic attack any time you were left by yourself, but now, you find a sort of comfort in it. You believe that this is largely due to Yuu.

They make you feel…uncomfortable. Not unsafe, not like them, but certainly ill at ease. Being away from them is to take a breather, to recoup yourself. In a way, it is similar to how you felt during the hunt. You were not thinking about the danger that could hurt you, you were thinking of the danger that had just passed you by.

In a way, you ought to be grateful. They kept you on your toes. The low-level anxiety they caused was oddly helpful.

It reminds you to never get too comfortable.

———

“Alright, we’re off!” Yuu seems to have lost the odd cadence they took on earlier and is now back to their usual cheerful self.

“Have fun,” you say, waving off Yuu and Grim as they exit Ramshackle Dorm. You don’t know why Grim suddenly asked you to go with Yuu, but you had no reason to refuse. The fewer eyes you have on you, the better.

You don’t need Grim’s protection. You cannot rely on him forever.

And so, with confident vigor, you march down the halls, looking for the door that shouldn’t exist. You find it easily, you knew you would, and swing it open. The Wraith is the same as you remember it. Books are stacked high on floor-to-ceiling shelves, organized by date chronologically (Chronologically of what? Are they not just storybooks?). Most of them are blank. You do not understand. Regardless, you do not stop your pursuit. You do not know what you are looking for, only that you must find it—and quickly.

A navy blue cover catches your eye, and you pull it out from its place. “Lonesome Ghosts” reads the title. The words are embroidered with gold thread; there is an illustration of four ghosts, three embroidered in gold, and one washed out and faded. A Mickey Mouse logo sits in the corner. If you recall correctly, there is a story titled Lonesome Ghosts which Ramshackle is based off of. Perhaps you’ll learn something by reading it.

You flip to page one and begin reading.

There is a house on the hill, where time seems to still. It's a house home to four, but one of them is bored.

They are so very lonely, these ghosts, you see. They’d be willing to die just for some company.

They call up a group—of exterminators, to boot! "It will surely be fun just to watch them all run."

But the fourth has another idea, you see. “It’ll be so fun, I guarantee!”

The strangers arrive, expecting a fight. But knowing what’s in store will not stop the gore.

The strangers are dead, they have all met their end.

They are so very lonely, these ghosts, you see. Especially when four turns to three.

The last one is lost for a very long time. They have been kicked, banished for their crime.

They wander the world from place to place, when they find a human with a lovely face.

The human will be theirs, the ghost decides. They steal the face, cut with a knife.

Wearing the skin of the human they killed, the ghost returns to the house on the hill.

You close the book so harshly that dust flies across the room. You pick up another book at random, hoping to rid your mind of the eerie story.

101 Fantastic Phantasms.” You wonder idly if the title is a reference to 101 Dalmations, but upon closer inspection, the book really does seem to be a list of one hundred and one categories of phantoms. You quickly skim through the pages, pausing to read the more interesting ones.

Face-stealer:

The face-stealer is one of the more terrifying additions I have written about in this book. Technically speaking, it is not a unique species of ghost, like the others mentioned throughout these pages, but it is, nonetheless, fascinating enough to warrant its own passage. You could compare it to an archetype, perhaps, but not to a species. This is a digression, however, so we shall move on.

The face-stealer, as the name implies, is a type of ghost that steals faces.‘Faces’ is used a bit broadly here, really, a face-stealer steals much more than just the head of its victim. It will take the victim's entire body, sucking their soul out and replacing it with its own, leaving the original host to wander the underworld, aimlessly and without identity, for the rest of time. Because the face-stealer takes the victim’s body with it, there can be neither burial nor proper funeral unless the face-stealer is caught and expelled from the body. Such instances are rare. With no way for the soul to rest in peace, the victim remains in purgatory, endlessly tormented.

Unfortunately, we do not know the exact reason for why a face-stealer does what it does, as all of our interviewers have only wound up getting their faces stolen by the subjects (Editor’s note: this statement has been falsified for dramatic effect); however, our expert scholars do have their own guesses about this subject, which I will share with you here:

One common belief as to why a face-stealer does what it does is that it simply wishes to experience being alive again. Of course, there is likely much more to it than just this, as our scholars will tell you, and it likely differs from stealer to stealer, but this argument is so commonplace that I would be remiss to not mention it.

Some argue for a more romantic approach to this idea, claiming that face-stealers who fall in love with a human will steal the face of their lover, friend, or even just someone who lives nearby, if only to be closer to the object of its affection.

Others still will present new ideas, such as the one that states face-stealers are those who have committed unforgivable crimes, but try to weasel their way out of punishment by taking on a new identity. This argument is far more sensible than the one mentioned previously, but, similarly to all the others, lacks enough evidence to be anything more than mere speculation, as encounters with these monsters are extraordinarily rare.

The next few pages are filled with old folk tales about the beast, including a transcription of Lonesome Ghosts. You shiver, about to move on, when another section catches your attention.

Wraith:

The Wraith is another interesting legend, one that I’ve actually experienced myself. Traditionally, there are two kinds. The first is simply a ghostly image of someone, showcasing the moments just before their death, it is also the kind that I meant, but I will share that story later. Wraiths are usually nothing more than flickering whisps, making them seem harmless, especially in comparison to some of the other, more malevolent spirits I have listed in this book. Make no mistake, however, for the Wraith, while not deadly in its own right, is almost always an omen of death and misfortune.

The second is far more fascinating. It is a place born from death. Described as a sub-dimension by some, the place can take on any form but is often one that is tied to the person it is born from. If someone were to drown in a lake, for example, the Wraith might take on the form of a lake. The same thing might happen if the person’s favorite spot was a lake, even if they had not died there. The second species of Wraith (and yes, I do say species; it is of my firm belief that these kinds of Wraiths are just as ‘alive’ as the others) is much harder to come across, as you often must know exactly what you’re looking for and where to find it. People who are close to death may wander inside of one, though such instances are somewhat rare.

There have been reports of supernatural fanatics trying to create the second Wraith, either by murder or suicide, but no such attempts have ever borne fruit. As such, I do not recommend attempting to do so yourself. Instead, please satisfy yourself with merely reading about them as I have.

With that out of the way, my dear reader, I’m sure you’re now wondering about my encounter with the first Wraith? Very well, then. It is not the most interesting of stories, but I hope you will listen to it nonetheless.

The night in which I met a Wraith was far from pleasant. I was ten years old and playing out in the woods with my bicycle when I saw it, the spirit was so frightening that I swerved harshly to the right, hurtling me down a steep cliffside. I don’t recall what happened next, but when I came to, my bike was totally wrecked, my legs and arms were full of open-wound fractures, twisting in ways I didn’t know possible. A piece of bone from my ribs punctured a lung, and I had a severe concussion. I wasn’t found until morning.

Somehow, however, I survived to tell the tale. Now, I dedicate this book to you, my dear readers, and hope that by sharing information on these monsters, you will come to familiarize yourself with them, so that you do not make the same mistakes that I did.

You only have enough time to read through one more book, luckily, however, you already know which one to pick. One that will (hopefully) piece all of tese stories together. That might be a bit too convenient though. This isnt’ a storybook, you know?

You find it easily. Yuu’s diary—still addressed to you. Wasting no time, you flip through the pages, only to fnd them all blank.

“Boo.”

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ruthlesslistener · 1 month

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do you have any headcanons for anything you've been holding onto, but haven't had a good chance to post about? I love your fics and I wanna peer into your mind palace

Shhdhchs EXCELLENT bc ive had a lot of thoughts but this quarter + anxiety in general has been killin me

-Okay so I'm still hyperfixated on Destiny 2 bc of a DnDestiny game I'm in, but since Hollow Knight is a special interest and I read a couple of frankly stunning crossover fics (one with the Inheritance Cycle, one with Transformers, both are outstanding and I will recc them wholeheartedly if you ask- the TF one especially blew my tits clean off which is saying something bc I have zero TF knowledge, also its 500k words but I'm rambling), my brain has been essentially locked into the concept of a crossover AU where a couple of my D2 OCs get slingshot into the HK world via a fucked-up warpgate through wish-dragon magic, and it's now got me kind of obsessed with the idea of the world of Hollow Knight taking place on an alien planet that had some convergent evolution re: general insect body plans, but went off the fuckin' rails with everything else. So here's some worldbuilding thoughts on that:

-Their planet would be far from Earth and the origin place of the Ahamkara and precursor race to the Worm Gods, who are distant relatives to each other that took to the stars to opportunistically feed off of rifts in reality. They are in turn sister taxa to the Wyrms and Higher Beings from Hollow Knight, who also feed off of the wants, desires, and gulf between what-is-desired-and-what-is-true, but unlike the worms and wish-dragons, the Higher Beings are essentially 'settled' species. They're the farming civilization to the hunter-gatherers of their Destiny-based kindred, and yes, both branches of the family tree fucking despise each other and look down scornfully on the other's lifestyle. The Higher Beings view the Worms and Ahamkara as little more than scavengers, while the Worms and Ahamkara see the Higher Beings as glorified slavedrivers with sticks up their asses- though it should be noted that since the Ahamkara's whole deal so far has been malignant trickery as a hunting style, this doesn't neccessarily carry the same negative connotations that it would in our society. I also don't know enough about the proto-Worms to say how their race would react, but the Worm Gods as they are now certainly are something that Wyrms would look down on

-(Yes that means I have thought extensively about the Pale King's ghost bristling aggressively at a baby ahamkara barely a few hours old. In my defense, it's funny, and also I almost never remember to write him as the cold, prickly, arrogant ass that he is bc his kids make him Big Sad)

-The planet would likely be smaller than Earth with lighter gravity, though how much smaller I can't say because I'm not a fuckin' physicist. I just want an excuse for making fuckoff-huge animals a thing even beyond the inherent space magic thing going on

-Oh, and most life is underground because the atmosphere is thinner than Earth and so the upper surface gets bombarded with deadly amounts of radiation, which causes the mind-wiping effects of the Wastes (where the angle towards their sun is the greatest and thus the strongest). Ngl I did briefly think about potential magnetic field fluxes also being the cause of that effect but like, I cannot overstate how little I know of things outside biology

-HK being set on an alien planet lets me do wack shit with the species there too bc I'm no longer bound by comparing them to Earthbound species. For example, I can make Quirrel an isopod with cricket legs. Who's going to stop me, God? He doesn't exist here

-That also means I can stop being bothered by Herrah's dubious leg placement bc it would kill me forever otherwise

-Also, them being on an alien planet gives me even more of an excuse to never put traditional vertebrate species in there, which is great. I've said it before, but putting Earth vertebrates in the HK setting totally ruins all the fun for me because I love the concept of all the species diversity being made up of invertebrates, and that the 'advanced' bugs we see have filled the niche that vertebrates would have otherwise taken over. Like the carboniferous period but on steroids

General HK thoughts too:

-been toying with the idea of wyrms having a set of evertable inner jaws like polychaete worms, which would be used for keeping dirt out of the mouth and biting off chunks to eat, while the outer jaws (the ones we see) are used for killing, digging, and sparring with other wyrms. The idea is that the outer ring of mandibles bites big circular chunks out of the substrate, which then breaks off into tiny pieces they filter out in between gaps in their mandibles and pack down into tunnel walls as they move forward

-I've also been toying with the idea of them secreting some kind of mucus as they dig that's almost a calcifying substance, but now that I think about it, I can probs just put those glands in their frontal mouth so if they need to reinforce a tunnel (like, say, one burrowed in sand instead of rock), they can mix their saliva in with the substrate to chemically solidify the tunnel walls

-Which btw is a major thing for ecosystems bc the tunnels are used for lots of different things by lots of different species. Wyrms are terraformers baybee!! Kinda the same way wildfires are, but still

-I've also been thinking about maybe making it so that the row of plates I like to draw on their backs act as a secondary pair of belly scutes, which means that wyrms can slither just as easily upside down as they can on their undersides, which helps underground. It's not as efficient as the super-smooth scales on a blind snake, but that's the tradeoff they get for needing to be so heavily armoured

-I'm also leaning towards making marine/freshwater variants that are just straight-up bobbit worms on even more steroids, but since I already have fuckoff huge marine alien bobbit worms in a scifi setting of mine, I'd need to figure out a way to make them unique

-I learned that there's internalized folds of exoskeleton for muscle attatchment in my invertebrate biology course and got really excited about that being a potential basis for the formation of skeletal elements in the world of Hollow Knight- like, maybe bug bones started off as those lil folds (i forgot their technical name which is embaressing bc i literally just took the final this night) becoming stronger and deeper-set into the body to better support the weight of larger and larger bugs, and then it spiraled into a skeleton analogue from there. Being derived from the exoskeleton probably means that it would be less strong than our bones, but it would likely also be lighter

Misc:

-God I really need to write Hornet in Silksong so bad. Fuck. I need need need to write this mildly autistic unsocialized princess running amok in a civilization that isn't ready for her. Also my interpretation of Lace is basically an oc at this point but I don't want to do anything with her just yet bc that shits a lot of work, I just need to write everything down for her so far (and tbh Lurien probs also counts at this point but thats more filling a niche that TC left unfufilled)

-I've also got gijinka thoughts in that I'm leaning towards making Lurien a trans guy who didn't have any gender-affirming surgeries bc a.) I love love love making a variety of trans characters and b.) Hallownest isn't a society where the concept of being transgender is an issue, so there's no need to do it to pass, only to prioritize your own comfort. And since Lurien never expected to be seen in anything but his formalware, he never saw the point of bothering

-(The aformentioned point also applies to normal bug Lurien but this is more of a personal thing here)

-Need to focus more on how the latent magic of the god of a realm changes your eye colour, with the more intense the shade = the more involved you are with their magic. Using Lurien as an example again: his eyes were brown naturally, but after he became Watcher, they slowly shifted to shades of paler and paler blue. I also like the idea of Quirrel's eyes getting more blue the more memories of Hallownest he unlocks, until they're the same shade as the Blue Lake in his final scene

-This can also happen in reverse; for example, my Lace gijinka starts off with gold eyes to signify the church of Pharloom's hold over her, but then slowly revert back to brown as Hornet gives her more and more hope that the institution can be toppled, until they're eventually their natural deep brown with just the faintest flecks of silver in them (signifying Hornet's importance in her life)

-It just occurred to me the other day when I was at work that Striga and Morgana from Castlevania S3 are almost exactly how I imagined my Vespa and Herrah gijinkas to be and now I can't stop thinking about it. The main difference is that my Herrah is a fat spider-orc with tats and Vespa is a fae queen with bee features shimmering through her human veil, but still. Its uncanny

#anon #reply #hollow knight #hollow knight headcanons #ramblings #there were more but alas im eepy and brainburnt from tests #theyll come back to me eventually

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tokyogruel · 4 months

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For the milgram ask game, Kotoko for 6, 8, 12, and 19!!! :3

6. favorite relationships with another character in the prison?

its so cliche to say mahiru i think but truly- mahiru. theyve got such a playful relationship and the way mahiru talks so sweetly to/about kotoko makes my heart melt.

and ive been thinking a lot more about her with shidou... they dont directly interact, but theyre fun to think about... shidou "im left to clean up the aftermath of your actions" vs kotoko "i dont care if youve been overly-forgiven by the warden, i will not let you get in the way of justice" also... 5 + 10? YELLS

what is your theory for their crime? if there is general consensus on it in the fandom, do you have any other, not-so-widely-accepted thoughts on it?

i feel like kotokos crime is pretty straight forward: vigilante justice carried out as vigilante justice usually is; poorly and with grave consequence

and hm... my thoughts on it.. well, i definitely dont think vigilante justice is good, ever. one person should never be judge, jury, and executioner. but with kotoko... i want to know more about WHY she is driven towards vigilante justice.. what has driven her so far to the point where she is willing to burn all her bridges, distance herself from others, spend her hard-earned money and drop out of school for the chance to kill someone she deems to be a bad person- even though she risks going to prison after the first time she ever draws blood? why is she risking so much, for so little?

12. what do you wish would be discussed more often about them in the fandom?

god. anything and everything. kotoko is very widely ignored by fans unless they are interested in her, specifically. and it sucks! she is such a weird character, but such a good character. you say you dont care about others, yet you claim you want to protect the weak, but if they get in your way regardless you will crush them. what drives you? what happened to you to make you think like this? why are you so back-and-forth?? i also want to see more people talk about how she potentially has DID, its one of my favorite theories. i want to see more discussion on the wolf-theming, and why her headspace seems to be a barren desert. i want people to talk about how, even if she does terrible things- she is not beyond saving, there is a kind and gentle heart hidden away under her layers of fear and trauma.

but i do wanna ask a few questions to the audience, and let you all take a moment to stew on her character before deep cover...

what do you think happened in her past to push her to believe vigilante justice should be her path?

what do you think drives her to focus on the specific targets she has in harrow?

why do you think kotokos victim looks so much like fuuta?

who do you think the 3 different girls are in harrow? do you believe one of them may be kotoko herself?

what could she possibly gain from draining her life savings on a false sense of justice?

why do you think she actively pushes away any sense of connection in her life?

in regards to her family members, why do you think she mentions these specific people, in this specific order? (for your reference, her family interrogation answer is thus: (taken from the milgram wiki)

19. what do you think their childhood/teenage years were like?

bad. LMAO. i think she went through a majorly traumatic event as a child, and she's largely blocked it out of her memory, but it still drives her actions today. i wont go into detail on it now, because i fear it would be very very triggering for others (and deserves its own, carefully-written post), but i believe her past may consist of the following: child abuse, sexual assault, and trafficking

edit: as for her teenage years, i think this is when she really started to self-isolate. she probably didnt have many friends to begin with, and pushed the remaining ones away at this point. she probably dove head-first into her vigilante research first, and her studies second, and everything else beyond that was just noise to her

#creature speaks #ask tag #ROSE<3333333333

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acaciapines · 5 months

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so....abt that adventure time daemon au....sits down with folded hands. im SO SO curious as to what your thoughts are and lowkey wondering if theyre anything like what ive been cooking up in my twisted mind...slash joke...YOU GO FIRST I WANNA KNOW!!

jkdfgdjfkg yeah im gonna focus on the fionna + cake aspects since thats what i posted but if you wanna know about someone else send a followup!! i have the strongest ideas for marceline and more scattered thoughts on everyone else but!! i turn this around in my head a lot lol.

under the cut bc i am incapable of being short

so. the reason fionna world is Like It Is despite nominally being a human au is bc i decided that in ooo, humans are the only people with daemons! everyone else has Something Else, but that something else isnt actually a daemon (this bit is still fuzzy lol since it would just be more bg in anything i write).

so that means the only characters in adventure time who have/had a daemon are finn (tossing around the name honey for her?? shes unsettled but mostly dogs bc they grew up with dogs lol), marceline (she lost her daemon upon becoming a vampire, gets her back at the end of stakes. do not ask me what she is settled as idk as of now lol), and simon (lost her upon becoming ice king, he does Not get her back. i think its fun if she is a penguin bc that makes ice king surrounding himself w penguins super tragic. he knows something is gone but cannot articulate what.)

also i guess people like susan strong and the humans on the human island but shhhh i dont have super strong ideas for them lol.

ALL THAT TO SAY. since fionnaworld was created by prismo (gonna be real idk what his deal is but he is obviously His Own Thing and as a deity type deal he probably is granted w 'can see dust' powers and thus has no idea what daemons are all about) and lives in ice kings/later simons head (one who doesnt know about daemons and one who is mourning the permanent loss of his own) when fionna and cake were "created" finn jake and finn's daemon were mashed into two characters, who are! human and daemon.

everyone else either never had a daemon in normal ooo (ex. pb) or didnt have them at the time fionnaworld was created and thus they werent carried over (ex. marceline.) of everyone tho probably marshall WOULD know the most, this is why he has a line in my fic where he's like, do you know what i'd do for a weird cat? as a sort of hint that he SHOULD have a daemon, but. alas.

uhhh. where am i going with this.

OH RIGHT so yeah basically when fionnaworld became de-magicked it took with it a lot of people's points of connection--everyone ends up way more isolated than they were. since simon is mourning his own daemon that translates to daemons just Not Existing, and so fionna and cake are very much isolated from each other. they dont have the words for their relationship. all fionna knows is she needs cake with her, and vice versa.

cake IS still a daemon, but without that framework shes stuck in the 'normal cat' role even though she does a lot of noncatlike things, n her and fionna are very very good still at sorta knowing what the other is thinking and reacting accordingly. the people closest to fionna (so, really just marshall and gary lol) have SOME idea of what is up but if asked its more leftover instinct than like, the ability to actually explain any of this. fionna and cake try to interact w the world as a human-daemon pair but that doesnt work when the world has no fucking idea what that is.

uh. that. probably answers some question!! i think the plot of fionna and cake itself is MOSTLY the same...really fionna and cake just find out there is a word for who they are to each other n get that relationship reestablished which isnt a far cry from canon. i really like the stuff they do with betty/simon so i wouldnt want to change that, though i imagine there is a bit of simon mourning his lost daemon too--idk i feel like you could tie those feelings in if you were to write a full adaptation but i!! dont think enough changes to do that so i wont be lol.

i mostly just wanted to do episode one bc again. daemon in a world that doesnt know wtf a daemon is. truly the funniest and most tragic thing in the world.

#fionna and cake #daemons #daemon au #ask #daetalk #'why do you do this' look my life is 24/7 daemons ok ive embraced this #this is who i am. i will not change. you will read my daemon aus

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vampirewithclaws · 3 months

Text

hello i am lorna and i habe been wayching lost for the first time w my bff ever rain. here are my ratings so far . will be updated.

ep 1- 7/10. loved shannon. loved sawyer. too much jack. hated charlie and his singing. “you all everybody! you all everybody!”

ep 2- 9/10 more sawyer i love him so much i actually am going crazy i dunno what else to say an this one

ep 3 - hurley is so funny and i love kate 10/10 no orher comments

ep 4 JOHN I LOVEEEE YOUUUU THIS IS FONNA KILL MEEEEE UGHHHHH 10/10. loved walt and sun. i love walt. hes so cute. ialso “the mighty huntress returns”. died a little. jack shut up btw. rose i love you . john badkstory killed me so so so much so harshly.

ep 5- “shouldve stayed down jack” yeah beat his ass i hate u jack. also i hate the way he swims why r u doing that. boones sideburns make me giggle why is he so. sun youre gorgeous and i love you. “are you a gemini?” claire youre amazing . “dogs can find pot and bombs so im sure they can find water”. way too much jack so far hes so uninteresting to me. i cant. jack pls stop running. also more suit guy! SUIT GUY IS ? JACKS DAD? wowzer. claire i love u. i love u claire. “hell, i’m an optimist” SAWYER I LOVE YOU SO MUCB I LOVE U SAWYER IM. “crazy people dont know theyre gettin crazy, they think theyre getting saner.” john ur so 💕💕 jacks dad is ? dead ? wow that was ssometjing. hi again sawyer. 9/10

ep 6- SUN!!!! SUNNNN!’!!!! charlie shut up. MICHEAL OH MY GOSH?? THATS?? IM??? “drugs. right” SHUT UP CHARLIE. SUNNNN SUN I LOVE YOU SUNNN. “whens your birthday?” odhsjdhsks 7/10

ep 7- already hate it. charlie i dont like u. SAWYER!!!!! sawyer snd kate are kind of … i like them maybe … jack and kate too thiugh cayse yk ANYWAYS charlie religious? i relate to him more everyday. “relax, choir boy” “i want my drugs back. i need em. im sick man, cant you see that?” hes so . hes so. okay i. yeah i get you charlie. yeah. sideburns is back! alrighty! SAWYER!!!!! sawyer and kate I LIKE THEM A LOT. A LOT. “oh, you’re feeling sorry for me.” “i dont feel sorry for you. i pity you.” “all you had to do was say please” SAWYER PDHSJRHWKDBAMBEMS. maybe not hating charlie so much. i love him actually hes so me. excrpt for his band. “you all everybody!” AGAIN!!! i cant be the only one who thinks shannon and boone are kind of weird to be siblings srry. “i want to stop feleing like this” CHSRLIEEEEE. “it was about the music, liam. you took that from me.” dude charlie is so. the way i hnderstand why he talks ab his band so much now! jesus chirst i LOVE U CHARLIE. “dude you rock!” charlie. NO CHARLIE. OHHH OKAY. im so happy for you. 1000000/10 i died

ep 8- SAWYER. SAWYERRRR. SAWYER! “thus my hat!” claireee 💕💕💕 “you wanna know what kinf of human being i am? read it. out loud. 😡” sawyer. cmon sawyer. sawyer ur the prettiest man ive ever seen. Sawyerrr. sawyer and kate kiss. wouldve been much better if it was under any other circumstances ever. sawyer. ur such a cunt i love u. the LETTER. CLAIRE AND CHARLIE!!! I LOVE U GUYS!!

ep 9 - sawyer 💕💕💕💕 SAYID ?! SAYID??? sayid. GOLF COURSE! SAYIDDDDD!!! SAYID I LOVE UUU ! SHANNONNN!! SAWYERR!’ MUSIC BOX! SAYID AND NADIA OH MY GOD. THE. THE. HIS. HE. IM. NDIDHEIRHSJDBSK I CANNOT. DANIELLE. IM. “i cant let you go. dont you understand? to have someone to talk to. to touch.” THIS IS PEAK “ive been holding on the past seven years to just a thought.” CHARLIE PLAYING GOLF!!! hes so great i love him. SAWYERRRR !!!!! SAWYER !! 10.3/10

#lost #i think im pretty valid

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actualbird · 1 year

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woop i guess here i go− does it ever bother u how they don't really ever quite explain what's going on with luke's illness other than "aAAAH he'S sUDDENLY in PAIN!!1!1!" and some sort of nerve damage and what not... not that it doesn't make it any less sadder... BUT!!! sometime ago i looked up the symptoms of nerve damage and apparently it says stuffs like sharp pains (which we see happen often to luke through out) BUT ALSO numbness, tingling, loss of muscle strength, and suddenly dropping stuff??? so i'm just wondering if you have any headcanons on luke's illness? DO YOU THINK HE'S JUST IN CONSTANT STINGING PAIN, AND HIS PAIN KILLERS ARE SO STRONG IT JUST NUMBS HIS WHOLE BODY??? OR DO YOU THINK HE ALTERNATES BETWEEN FEELING NUMB AND SUDDEN SHARP PAINS??? this has been my personal hc ever since jfjsjd i'm sorry you could see i'm a luke stan cause all luke stans are angst enjoyers /hj i just wanted to share my brain rot to the world thank you

hi anon!!! first off, i deffo wanna say uve come to the right place both abt luke hcs (because im a luke enjoyer first, a human being second) AND thoughts about his illness

tho i wouldnt say im bothered by how they dont explain the symptoms of his illness much since narratively, i can see how this would be necessary to maintain a certain amount of suspense on the NXX drug

however, ur so right in bringing up those other symptoms, bc ive got a bunch of thoughts and feelings about this!!

for context, i also have a longtime undiagnosed-after-years-of-tests neurological condition, but it's not serious and more just a lifetime inconvenience. i experience muscle myoclonus, which means that at any time without warning, my legs, arms, or neck can suddenly jerk into movement and ive actually got a bunch of those symptoms u mention haha!

but enough about that! lemme go thruuuuu

some of my thoughts/hcs on luke's illness

wc: 1.7k

before i start, this is whole thing is going to be mixing fiction (tot's story) and fact (IRL information on certain illnesses, medications, etc). the fiction bit is important because while tot describes luke's condition and shows us its effects, does Not name what it is, and the whole thing is still shrouded in a lot of mystery. but the fact bit is important because there are real conditions out there that are similar to what luke has, based on what we know.

among them, Fibromyalgia seems like the closest real world condition to what luke has got, but since it's not outright stated in canon, i'll be making some stuff up. still, it's important to me to have like, a somewhat sensible system in making stuff up, which is why im laying down all this ground work jhvjdhsfd, and because in the hc portion of this post i'll be riffing off of some of my own experience

anyhoo, let's REALLY start with what we already Know

what we know of luke's illness thus far from all the available story information from the global server

key words in that above title are "global server", because im aware that main story episode 9 in the cn server looks like it'll give us more info on this, but i dont like to or want to spoil myself for tot's future main story. so i'll be working within global server parameters!

so heres everything we know (...or rather, what i was able to remember in the course of me writing this response HAHA), as its been outright said and confirmed in canon:

luke's condition is currently diagnosed as terminal

luke's condition mostly manifests in sudden pain episodes that happen randomly and without warning. these pain episodes are not described to be coming from any specific body part, just that it's pain in general.

these pain episodes happen without any external trigger (i.e. luke doesnt have a pain episode when somebody bumps into him suddenly, but he can have a pain episode out of nowhere just doing something as passive as sitting or standing)

immediately after a pain episode, he takes his meds

these meds are analgesics (painkillers) and he was prescribed them by his previous doctor (the one who was handling luke and his condition before aaron)

even now that aaron has taken over as luke's primary physician, luke still takes painkillers immediately after any pain episode to manage the pain

luke's condition was caused by the NXX drug. after a mission where his team was attacked with toxic gas, he was the only survivor and the medicine he was given was somehow contaminated with the NXX substance

the NXX drug causes damage to the central nervous system, and luke's condition is confirmed to be related to his nervous system because in SSR Under The Milky Way, he describes his condition very specifically with the lines "[The contaminant] caused irreversible damage to my nervous system." and "[I] will constantly suffer from intermittent nerve pain."

hcs on The Experience Of The Condition

the main physical symptom we see in canon is pretty clear: sudden and randomly occurring debilitating pain. i like to think it's of the stinging variety!! but dialed up to 10000000 because it's always shown to be intense enough that always luke reacts to the pain. and luke's pain tolerance is High. in personal story 4, he didnt even flinch when mc was stitching up his gash, but he did double over in pain, trembling and shaking, when he got hit with one of the pain episodes.

in addition to the pain though, i totally second the motion on the symptoms of numbness, tingling, loss of muscle strength (which then leads him to train more to compensate for any loss, because luke is a madman with low self worth and one of his skills is his physical strength so he needs to keep that up for as long as he can), and suddenly dropping stuff, the ones you mention. a

those are my thoughts on possible physical symptoms. but with a condition as heavy as this, there will be psychological/emotional ramifications too

because of how tot's canon shows luke experiencing the Pain Symptom, the pain itself is put front and center. but personally i also think that the fact this symptom occurs Randomly, Suddenly, and Without Warning is on the same level of "oh god why this" as the pain

in general, not being able to know when your body is going to start working against you really really sucks! you cant prevent it, you cant avoid it, and you cant see it coming. sure you Can prepare for its random eventuality through out the day, which is what luke does by carrying around his painkillers everywhere with him, but even then, that only alleviates the specific instance currently happening and not the overall trend of It'll Happen Again! When? Secret....

it's hugely frustrating. in my case with involuntary movement, eventually i tried to constantly and impossibly try to expect it so that when it does happen, i dont knock over glass to the floor or fall down the stairs

but always trying to expect something you cant predict causes tension and anxiety.

luke's condition is much more severe and painful than my quirk. so keeping a mental background program, so to speak, always running and looking out for a pain episode of his condition must suck bigtime.

because he'll basically always be bracing himself for pain, even when nothing is happening.

and on a metaphorical level, being constantly braced for pain even when things are fine is something luke does A Lot. luke is always worried and preparing for worst case scenarios, luke is always trying to think ahead to have various backup plans to ensure people's safety, and luke seems more used to pain and bad things than he is prepared for happiness and good things.

bracing himself for pain gives luke a semblance of control over something that is terrifyingly out of his control completely. at least if hes always thinking about its inevitability, he'll have things that can help mediate its effects. but the price for that control is a constant tension and dread building inside of him every second, because hes always waiting for the other shoe to drop

my ideal hope for luke's story when a kind of treatment for his condition is found

i dont actually want for the condition to be completely cured. like, dont get me wrong, i obviously want the Terminal aspect of his condition treated because i love him and want him to live a long and happy life, but i dont want all of his symptoms gone. personally, i'd find it much more compelling narratively if his condition is treated and will no longer kill him in a few years, but still causes him pain that needs to be managed with meds and other treatments. and why i want this is because:

1 ) given the sheer struggle of his condition in the story thus far AND the fact that luke himself literally said the damage done to his nervous system is Irreversible, having a medical miracle like that happen feels a teensy bit like a deus ex machina to me. (sidenote: ofc, ur free to disagree with me! and feel free to disagree with this whole post in general, we've all got different opinions and thats chill)

2 ) in general with stories, i am less drawn to super neat resolutions and im more drawn to resolutions that are more like "and things werent perfect and they never will be, there will always be problems, but our characters will be okay and theyll keep getting better and better, and it's in this push and pull of struggle and learning and progress and getting through where their happiness lies"

ever since luke was a kid, even before he developed his condition, hes had the fear of being a burden to his loved ones. and when he does get his terminal condition, this fear is worsened and he starts to see his existence in other people's lives as a whole as a burden of pain and grief that isnt worth the trouble. and...i dunno, i just like the idea of him continuing to live but also continuing to have these problems that still spark fear inside of him and still take so much work to manage every day. and out of habit, he braces himself for pain, not just for the kind his condition gives him but from Life because Surely, His Loved Ones Will Get Tired Of All Of This, Of Him and The Problems He Comes With, Right?

but surprise surprise, they dont. because they care about him. because this should not and is not a dealbreaker for them continuing to care about him.

aaron creates treatment thats more on the preventative maintenance meds angle so luke doesnt have to just wait for a pain episode to pop up and then dry swallow painkillers every time. it's not infallible , but sometimes luke can have hours, even a whole a day sometimes where the pain hes bracing himself for doesnt come.

mc always reminds luke to take his meds whenever luke gets too busy or caught up in a case. he worries at first that it's an inconvenience to her for her to have to remember his routines for him just in case, but that worry becomes quieter as luke realizes she reminds him in the same tone as she says "good morning" or "have you had lunch yet? wanna join me?", just this casual and loving thing thats now integrated into both their lives

the team are always ready to help too in their own way. when luke gets a pain episode in hq, marius offers distraction in the form of idle chatter on (harmless) internal pax gossip while luke waits for his painkillers to dull down the stinging. when luke feels uncomfortable tingling crawling across his whole body while out with vyn, vyn subtly helps luke move from a crowded area to a quieter one where outside stimuli cant further overwhelm luke's senses. when it's a bad grip strength day and all luke wants to do is punch something and fuck his useless hands up even more, artem tells luke about custom silicone grips that exist for things like pens or knives or such and that they could look for some next time they go shopping.

it is not perfect. but luke's life, even with the pain, is still worth living. everybody is trying to help and eventually, luke learns how to start helping him self along with them too.

soooo yea theres my thoughts!! thanks for the ask, anon :D

#tears of themis #luke pearce #tot luke #xia yan #sorry this ask took forever for me to answer btw huhu...im always ded these days orz #asks #anon

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bananafire11 · 3 months

Text

vent

please dont read if youre not in the right space rn. heavy on anger and feels. just wanna type it out somewhere and this blog is my safe space so

i am so fucking angry right now. like the kind of anger thats pent up and bubbles beneath the skin and is ready to implode out at any fucking second and i hate it so much. i dont feel like i have very good reasons for feeling this way either. or maybe im downplaying those reasons, i dunno

i dont want to bother any of my friends with this shit. i feel guilty because ik they have their OWN struggles. ik feeling this way is silly because i help them through so much, and am so glad to do so. but theres always this doubt.

anyway. on discord, i put my status on DNIUC sometimes because i just need space and ik that most of my close friends will see this and know to be careful that day. or if they text and im slow to respond, ik they understand. but theres these friends who KEEP spamming. and its driving me FUCKING MAD. one, who is very close and gosh i love them so much, sends me so much every day. youd think after the first few times i didnt respond, he'd get the fucking jist and think "ill stop there" but instead he KEEPS ON. ITS OVERWHELMING. and the subject of these texts isnt bad or anything, but its always about him and his bf. i dont have the energy to talk about them 24/7. im beyond happy for him, that hes happy. but FUCK. im asexual and never have been in a relationship, and sometimes it feels like a fuckyou to me?? ik he doesnt mean it that way at all!! but!!! idk, sometimes its like theres a longing for a bf of my own. but i dont want to settle. ill wait for the right boy. right now, hes not here. and im not actively looking for a relationship, i have so much shit going on. so, i usually ignore this guys dms as long as i can. i feel guilty, but at the same time fucking furious that i even have to do it in the first place, if that makes sense. i love him dearly, but it's forced me to just put my status on 'invisible' so it looks like im offline. better to avoid people, ig.

theres another guy, who isnt as close, but ive made great friends with thus far in the time ive met him over a game i enjoy. but again, doesnt know when to stop. why are you texting me when it says dniuc!!! YOU ARENT CLOSE. ive explained 'close' is friends ive known for a year or so, which isnt exactly true actually... but i needed to tell him something that wouldnt hurt his feelings. after i clarified for the second time, he let up. but still. people are fucking annoying and its so FRUSTRATING that i love them because that makes shit so complicated.

then, family. ive been snowed in with my mom and sister for over a fucking week and I NEED OUT. i never thought id say this but I WANT TO BE AT SCHOOL. AWAY FROM HOME. my neighbors, who are more so aunt and uncle to me and my sister, let me go over and stay hours with them when i need it. but i dont feel like trecking thru the fking snow to get there. last night i stayed over and watched a favorite movie of mine with them and it was great, but having the energy to do that feels exhausting tonight.

im trying to distract myself with art, but its not working like it normally does. and its goddamn hard. tried videogames, youtube, but nothing is bringing me true relief. but i dont want to sleep either. ugh.

vent art, anger.

#banana brain blurbs #vent post

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dirhwangdaseul-archived · 11 months

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ive put part of these thoughts in the tags of many a post i have made of the show or reblogged from but im just gonna put it here and hope it makes sense but i do think people are doing a disservice to the story when they don't consider what the creators set out to do which comes from a desire to simply adapt the lord of the flies, but of course with girls, so first, the story of the book deals with the survival of white british boyhood and the circumstances which see them find their cruelty, these results and variables don't shed light on humanity as much as they shed light this particular group of kids in time and space, a lot of the things that happen to them are circumstantial at best and i think they mostly show us how much kids need guidance, otherwise they fill the spaces with whatever is closest to making sense, even that alone just tells you that whatever story they can tell themselves to survive and exist with each other will suffice and as humans do it will escalate, at most if we're going for universality in the text, we're shown one version of a caged animal, and it's our youth at it, even so the story works because the circumstances and the stories they tell themselves speak of a cruelty that isn't inherent of anyone as much as it belongs to their processing of their identity in the face of their situation, misguided and stressed, the world they can imagine is limited by the knowledge imparted to them before being left alone in their childhood to make sense of the world as well, the story, thus, makes more sense as stunted growth even then rather than just the lessons of a white colonial power, but even so, they mingle, the cruelty of survival, their youth, and how quickly can stories spin out of control in our hearts and minds, and the rage of violent uncontrolled and unexperienced hands hands

and so it is with yellowjackets, how could it dream of divorcing itself completely from the source material, the story isn't and it can't be some universal take on girlhood, how could it be, girlhood is so varied anyway, we must know or we must suspect, because that's what human is, varied, just by race in this iteration of our universe, because we have given it importance in our day to day lives, by itself, anything can change universes, and race alone? it's tied to so many other circumstances of time and space too, the history of a strand of humanity... and even if the show had tried to be universal (because i dont think its even trying as much as a certain subset of fandom is trying to imply) the creators/writers have shown repeatedly their lack of understanding of how things like race changes the lens, how class, how so many things other than age can alter that transition to adulthood

and it's just becoming.... what boyhood, girlhood, being are.... metamorphosis... like most of the time we're fucking becoming, the metamorphosis is harrowing, but having bodies is, and for all the supposed nuances so far of the series it's patently clear that the end result of these series is the same as that of the book it takes from: this is a particular group of people with a particular set of beliefs that have managed to alienate them from not just the world but from each other so that they can easily justify killing each other, it's a bunch of kids lost and unable to guide themselves to better while a fucking supernatural presence grooms them to murder like how's that remotely universal to girlhood, it's why ive never felt comfortable with people excluding javi and travis like travis wasn't about to be raped and honestly what jackie did qualifies as such even if she didn't notice til later he was drugged, and the dismissal of his little brother is very demonstrative of how barely attached the yellowjackets are to fucking life outside of their own selfishness, like these cruelties you wanna attach as inherent to girlhood, like we're all seeing travis get traumatized aren't we like you can't be this blind as to how his suffering has literally kept the horror going, like how's this girlhood only i just dont fucking get it, explain to me the nuances cause i must be fucking stupid

#yellowjackets #yellowjackets spoilers #yellowjackets meta

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a-very-tired-raven · 1 year

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Aw dammit, you guys are makin me wanna post this now(10:05) instead of 11:00, but im strong lmao (WARNING, long post ahead)

Anyways, i wanted to start this post off, by giving a thanks to all the truly wonderful people ive met on this platform from this year, last year, when i first joined, and the years to come. Youve all made my experience here wonderful, and to be honest youve made me feel so very very welcomed, and especially loved.

I came to this (wonderful)hellsite during a really lonely time in my life. A few years ago, around the later days of june, 2019, looking for more undertale content. What i didn't expect to find at all, were all the wonderful people im so so so very glad to now call my friends.

All of you, and i mean all, of you invited and welcomed me into your blogs with open arms, kindness, and silly jokes. Even going to the lengths introducing me to your other friends and making me apart of your friend groups. And...i genuinely cannot express how thankful i am for that.

Im so serious, i feel so loved and cared for every single day now, i always have someone to vent or talk with, someone to joke and ramble with, so many people that ive intertwined into this little online family of mine.

Weve all been through..a lot these past three years. What, with covid, loss, hate, and so much more. What im grateful for, is that i havent lost any of you, which not only am i suprised about, but also so grateful. You guys make me feel like the best verison of myself, and make me feel..well..me. we've all stuck together and looked out for each other, helped each other out with our problems, and shared art and stories.

Ive had the pleasure of meeting some very fine, brilliant, and respectable people thus far, and have had the honor of talking with some astonishing young friends. Ive even had the pleasure of gaining followers, and have received fanart of my own characters!! Which, i would have never guess would have happened. Ever. And yet it did, and that means so much to me.

So i suppose what im trying to do, or well..say here, is that all of you have turned my life for the better, and id like to thank you for that.

Thank you, @let-love-run-red @ratsoh-writes @und3rwat3r-a5tr0naut @vrnicky @a-gods-somewhat-mortal-form @icelingbolt @shimmer-lamp and @glaucus22 for being my very first friends in here, for welcoming me so warmly, and sharing your art and introducing me to so many cool people. I wouldn't have had as good as an experienced as ive had with you to have shown me kindness in the way the way you did

Thank you @glitchysquidd for giving me the honor of seeing your artwork, and goofing off with me from time to time.

Thank you @mochamashi @kuvvydraws and @underfell-crystal for being so nice to me, and taking time out of your days to chat and listen to my stupid little jokes

Thank you @luminawithherdaemonlinh @wisteria-and-crocuses and again @mochamashi for all the fanart youve sent me iver the months, and all the kind and craziness youve shown me. Thanks for going on crazy little rants with me wisteria, and a big thank to you lumnia for supporting me and my art for so long

Thank you @shimmer-lamp for being there with me since day one, for letting me vent and trusting me enough to confide in me at times.

Thank you @rainbowut @the1920sisntaphasemom and @scienceisfood for giving me so many ideas and laughter, i really do appreciate you guys and i feel as if i dont say it enough. You guys so are hilarious- seriously, i appreciate it

Thank you so so much @hearty-dose-of-ranch @kioko-noodles @fruitsnackart @skele-fucker @sendryl and @und3rwat3r-a5tr0naut taking me in your friendgroup so fast, and so warmly. Before you guys took me in, all of you inspired me and my art so much...i could hardly believe i was actually talking to you guys and was considered a friend??! My hands were shakey, my breath was wobbly, and yet you guys never thought twice about including me. You all have been there for me since ive met you, you all have (patiently)listened to my stuttering and ramblings without a second thought, youve all introduced me to so many cool things and have made me feel so so loved..i cant possibly thank you enough. Youve done so much for me

Thank you @ratsoh-writes for enduring my chaos and bad jokes. Youve made my dumbass feel incredibly welcomed, not to mention being such a big fuckin inspiration??? Youre one of the reasons i started to get confident in my art man. Ive used your art as references so much- and youve been such a good friend to me as well?? Be angry about me gettin muchy all you want, i love you ya stinky sewer varmit.

Thank you @springbon-t-art for showing me kindess even more since i joined the hellscape that is tumblr. Youve showed me nothing less then gentle smiles and kind words, and i thank you for that. Your art has inspired me for years, and most likely years to come from now. So thank you for inspiring me enough to pick up a pencil and start scribbling down on the floorboards

And a big big thank you to @let-love-run-red love...i dont even know where to begin. You've helped me through so much, you've inspired and taught me so much fuckin stuff...you've been one of the best damn friends i could ever have. You've supported me and my cringe drawings since the day i entered your inbox as that shy little anon on that late August day.

Hell, you're the damn reason i started writing. I still remember the tips you given me, all the advice and confidence. And i sincerely thank you for that. You have shown me nothing other then kindness and hardcore support. And i cannot express how much that means to me

And theres so many more people i have yet to thank but unfortunately cannot due to tag limits and my memory. Id have to make another post and make sure i havent forgotten anyone lmao, but thank you all!! To my close moots and followers, to the big inspirations ive yet to summon up the courage to talk to

I seriously, would have not made it this far without you dorks, and i sincerely, and genuinely, hope ive made an impact at least a fragment of the size you guys have made on me. Thank you all for giving me a place to call home on this little site.

Right now the time is 10:41 as i wrap this up, so im gonna go ahead and post this(probably willl be 11 or 12 by the time you twerps get to this point lmao)

So HAPPY NEW YEARS!!

And happy many years to come!!! I cant wait to see what this years brings us, what bonds strengthen and friends we'll meet. Thank you for the wild ride and for all the adventures to come!!

#jeep.jeep #yearly call out post(affectionate)

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thorarms · 9 months

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Sorry i was referring to ur post hating on how mobius called loki a man of action. Why can't loki be also a man of action he grew up around THOR. Also maybe its a new thing loki is letting show instead of being cautious. He is the god of mischief and chaos after all

Ok ive taken a couple of days to have a think and give you a proper answer.

In short, because it's lazy and lets the writers avoid having to write loki with any consistent character traits.

Long answer below the cut

I have a lot of semi connected thoughts about this and this post might end up a bit of a ramble, uh so sorry i guess.

I think it's important to remember that loki as a marvel character has existed since the 1960s, and thus has 60 or so years of characterisation already there. Over the years this has varied a bit due to many different writers and their different visions for their stories, but they tend to stay fairly consistent. Loki is a villian (or is perceived as one by others), he plans elaborate schemes usually with the end goal of the destruction of asgard and/or thor, and he tends to play the long game. In short, he's been consistently characterised as a much more methodical and yes, cerebral character than thor.

In addition, theres 11 years of specifically mcu loki characterisation, which was originally constructed from the loki we see in the comics. This is the baseline of mcu lokis character, and thus should still be there in other stories and adaptations.

What's actually interesting to me though, is that loki HAS been shown as a man of action before. In Thor 2011. Specifically at the end of the movie, after his entire life has fallen apart at the seams and he's in the middle of an emotional breakdown. His actions get more impulsive as the movie progresses, and it ends with him trying to destroy Jotunheim, goading thor into an argument and a huge fight, then letting go of the bifrost and falling to his assumed death.

What makes this work and still feel in character is that lokis impulsive and reckless desicions come from his emotional instability. The viewer gets to see his facade break and watch him deteriorate from slowly and meticulously planning to ruin thors coronation and stop him from taking the throne, to deciding on the spur of the moment to point the bifrost at Jotunheim and, afterwards, decide to let go of gungnir and plummet into the void (i love this movie so much can you tell).

All of this really is to say that loki CAN be reckless and impulsive just like thor. It just has to be well written and considered. And season one of the show very much was Not That.

With the gift of hindsight, it's been very clear that the writers of season one were not interested in maintaining any of lokis previous characterisation and, given what we've seen so far in the trailer, im not exactly holding out hope that season two will be any different.

The last thing i wanna mention is that the way you phrased your ask, with loki deciding himself to become less cautious, is quite interesting to me. Im sure you dont need me to tell you that loki isnt real, hes a fictional character and thus has no autonomy of his own. Every thought, word and action was a deliberate decision from the writers and actors creating these stories (often with their own preconceptions and biases of the character subconsciously thrown in). What im trying to get at is that ultimately, loki as a character is a vehicle for telling an aspect of a story. And it's the writers job to tell that story well. And if loki suddenly has a change of heart and decides to start acting the complete opposite of his former self, the writers should have a damn good reason for choosing to do that. Otherwise, it's just poorly written. And frankly i dont want to watch a poorly written show.

Whoops this was way longer than i intended im so sorry anyways i hope this answers your question about why i wrote a silly post about a throwaway line in a trailer for a show im probably not even going to watch. Probably.

#ask #why the fuck did i write all of this #im tired im going to bed please dont take this too seriously lol #loki series critical

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tflaw · 1 year

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THE WAY I SPED THROUGH THE QUEST AFTER FINDING OUT THOMA WAS IN THE SECOND ROUND .. istg i ran for him im crying i missed him so baaad ugh AND HE IS SO DOTING THROUGHOUT THE QUEST I AM MELTINGG

+ i have more since i was spamming screenshots ngl he's just so 😭😭 and on the first round i chose ayaka hihi she is so cute i just wanna kiss her cheeks n hold her hand :((

+ oooh mona has a really good passive it's just like the katheryne support card that makes ur first switch a fast action !! it's very useful and she buffs ur card too <33 and PLEASE tcg is rlly addicting everyday i log in i check if there r new players on sumeru already sndnsm i just want to reach player lvl 7 na huhu i am 70 exp away 🥹

+ naur i kept getting the anemo set instead of fopl so i just decided to fuck it n just focus on his talents 😭 his shield still feels like cardboard ngl two hits from a ruin guard n it's down but andsn i mean he's still lvl 70 and i just focused on his em and er but i hope he gets 22k-25k hp once i ascend him at least :(( i will lvl him up to 90 bc only the faves get to lvl 90 in this house!! and hehe ty <33 the team still has some energy issues but i use them a lot lately !! for commissions n doing some domains .. even spiral abyss omg im surprised they survive til floor 11 🥹 they took quite a beating though lmaoao and i hope for AMAZING rngs for u too omg that circlet was just heartbreaking 💔

+ again congrats for the C1 wanderer im honestly so confused on how u do it youre so lucky fr !! but now u rlly have to change ur signature to C1 kuni haver !! instead HAHA and hu tao, xiao and yelan rerun omg ?!??? where is my girl shenhe though 😞 i hope they let him out of their basement but aaa i want all three too these banners r just crazy ... im a bit thankful that shenhe might not get a rerun yet bc im so sure i wouldnt stay strong 💔

OH YEAH gajsha i knew you’d dash once thoma appears and he did !! i chose him && he’s so sweet pls he brought homemade snacks i am so in LOVE he is the #househusband i’m telling u i will propose to him one day

+ WAIT i have mona na pala :o i’ll try a proper team comp w her later !! ive still got some npcs to fight in inazuma city <//3 tbh i think i need to strategize better w my cards bcos i HATE it when i have dead cards its like i always wanna win with my cards untouched 😭 pls these npcs are so strong too ??? what RIGHTS do they have i defeat characters easier than these npcs

+ i’m telling u hyv knows what we want i have a decent flower / circlet but it’s from another set <//3 yeah i told u i focus on talents these days too <//3 maybe i couldn’t do the abyss bcos of skill issue ahahaha <//3 i have lots of copium artifacts too and they work so i’m like fuck it and focus on talents na lang muna!! building faruzan + layla rn !! pls i need to c6 faruzan but i promised myself i’m gonna save for hu tao <//3 bought welkin yesterday too so i might lose the 50/50 im so scared ai hold my hand kinda eyeing thoma too for kuni avatar team comp !! but layla’s lvl 60 ascended to 70 and she boosts crit so yes bye thoma <//3

+ AGSJSH this is my luckiest banner thus far the sweat i produced when it turned gold pls i was so shocked i didn’t move for 3 whole minutes i was just staring at the screen !! bcos i fr thought i was gonna lose but his silhouette appeared god so that was the joy of getting c1 as low spender 😔🙏

#xoxo: ai.#✉️: hotmail.

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37q · 1 year

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eating disorder tw but its not the main focus rly i dont think hm wait ok maybe.. mostly gender talk actually

anyways personalizing "it's incredible what women will come up with if left to their own devices" for a sec: ive had trouble articulating this recent phenomenon in my life but lately ive been working on the values i hold "capability" to and the ways that i allow those values to make decisions for me instead of just living life with whimsy.

still caught up in optics as ive always been maybe as a disease of childhood transness but far better than i used to be and yet! im always weighing how material, physical empowerment will be gendered! i saw a quote a while back from like this one transfems lil memoirs and a conversation she had w a friend abt their eating disorder i think? and the friend was like yeah i mean transition and life as a woman has been excruciating enough already but whats another pain if itll help me pass? or whatever. im so scared of gaining any mass anywhere above my waist!!! i wanna throw up thinking about it!!!! oh my god ive never said that before i feel so sick!!!!!

anyways i struggle w NOT presenting weakness or frailty when im fearful of a gendering Eye of Patriarchy or fuckin. male panopticon inside my head but thats the thing! 🥰 ive been divorcing from that panoptic on my head lately! its still there lowkey but my drive to make my life better has been overcoming that adolescent "avoid male interests at all costs" fear :)

so now im like fascinated by like engineering again im thinking of ways to produce more effective hand rests on the bottom of my steering wheel (maybe i wont even have to remove the plastic on the wheel if im good enough at making sockets? for the rests if i make them attachable via clip :3c) and ive been making moves to get into woodworking and throwing together rudimentary furniture which is just so different than what id previously felt abt it. ive been fixing things so often lately like OBSESSED with getting tools for problems i understand 40 year old dads now. that thought is what kills me n saves me tho interestingly enough

what had previously been like a grand gendering process of establishing my princess status (its still there tho) had actually just been reinforcing the unhealthy habits i used to get there in the sense of physical and emotional weakness -- going largely untreated for like 3 or 4 disorders which either obliterate my prefrontal cortex, the integrity and efficacy of my synaptic response in neurotransmission, or my reception of the macro resources necessary to maintain basic body function to name a few... but like theres something to be said for how explicitly gendered it is to be starved-stupid crazy weak and feminine as fuck. not assigning values to those terms (anymore) i was just like leaning into being insanely unwell and calling it a gender role. which tbf is like the predominant myth ALSHSLFHDKD...

... but also im working on stepping away from internalizing a relationship w the myth of gender and using that reaction as my behavioral starting point! (affirmation and argument time) im not a man, i wont even trip and fall into manhood no matter what endeavors i pursue! no matter how much goes on in others ppls heads! there is no way to look at or engage with the world in an explicitly man way because life doesnt actually function on categorical dualities, not to mention bimodal distributions! and thats lesbianism (and therapy) at work! like no presumption of a male occupation of an Entire Sector Of Life And Economy and working on that latent projection of gendered insecurities (and thus production of gendered karma in my materialization of such a projection via action or inaction) onto a life thats literally Just Life Dude. i literally make it. the future doesnt exist yet and the only value it has it the karma we bring to it and take from it!

huge mood change ugh solemn now im forgetting the śūnyatā of the self, the śūnyatā of its form, the śūnyatā of the conception of form itself... of course its only determined internally via extant thought forms and reproduced via tangible, material projection... thats literally the whole racket! of course im suffering with it!!!!!!!!

sooooo yeah im working on recognizing impermanence and encouraging WWP (wonder whim play) just as long as i dont root it in a sense of stability or security! currently that security comes from my sense of any (patriarchal obvi) gendering processes at work in any social situation at hand so i could work on 1. shallowly, my proximity to men or 2. conventionally, my personal processes of projection and reaction to a psychological proximity to men or 3. ultimately, my necessity to ground my "sense of self" in an illusory, impermanent, and universally imprisoning process extant to saṃsāra such as the social mechanisms of gender. i dont even have to fight to have a name for what my wife n i got goin on not because its too complex or too hard but literally i dont care. my words are as empty as yours

#freeform

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gayspock · 2 years

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OK assorted black sails thoughts bc i didnt wanna make a billion individual posts

- first of all i find starz funny bc for real i swear ive never freaking heard of it before, except for torchwood: miracle day which.... literally i never finished but thats a whole ramble for another time (bc despite torchwood being VERY bumpy, i found a lot of value in it, but miracle day was just. give us nothing! to me...help)

- the women on the show are kind of a shame i mean. im not fuming its more of a (dejected sighhhh) lies back do you know what i mean bc its hardly worse than anything else but help... theyre all gorgeous models thus far do you know what i mean. i dont know. i think its just odd sometimes to look at it when the men are all fucking foul looking, mucky type of guys (<3!) and then the girlies are just like hiii<3 like okay LOL. max is rlly pretty tho (as is the lass in the hat- whose name i didnt atch..) so i shant be mad but its also likehelp... even just an OLDER? woman. not even one? sniffy sniffy? okayyy i'll settle

- the gentleman do have some wonderful haircuts i will say. rackham's stoner transmasc that hangs about in unique trousers round the back of spoons.... i mentioned it already but help. your rat tail... and flints pathetic and limp little ponytail. shrimptastic it is.... and johnny silver. (twirls his hair for him)

- INTRO ALSO FUCKS LIKE MAD BTW.

- i love a woman with daddy issues. i cant relate to any of them. not to eleanor, or to shiv or helena or any of the fine women with father problems despite having many of my own. but its very fun to watch them. like girlies (twirls my hair) just give him a slap.... who cares<3

- btw im screaming... john is sooo funny. what a silly little guy. i think hes going to get himself killed he is like a looney tunes character who should have been dead 5 scenes ago but he keeps defying all sense and falling pianos. the very definition of a rapscallion. he is a problem to us all

- whent hey just state their names and theit ships at each other. okay so cute girlies i bet you'd write that in your tinder bios huh<3?

- also i know i keep mocking and also fawning over flints stupid little ponytail but i think he for real deserves long gorgeous beautiful hair. like it would only make sense.

- theres so many guys in here from other things but only a little bit. i know i mentioned billy bones (SO FUNNY STILL) who keeeepsss following me but everyone else is sorta recogniseable. charles was in the 100 ik this. but like hi eeryone hii LOL

- "however what?" "however let me tell you a story. about a spaniard named vazquez." I THINK FLINT LITERALLY SAYS THIS HENEVER ANYHTING AWKWARD HAPPENS TO HIM. I THINK HE LITERALLY DROPS AND SMASHES A PLATE IN IKEA AND THEY COME OVER TO HIM AND HE JUST SAYS LET ME TELL YOU A STORY. I THINK THEY CATCH HIM NICKING 5P BAGS FROM TESCO AND HES LIKE HAVE YOU HEARD ABOUT A GENTLEMAN VAZQUEZ. I THINK, PERHAPS, FLINT WOUL HIT SOMEONE WITH A CAR UNDER THE INFLUENCE. AND SIMPLY SAY THE URCA DE LIMA.............. IT WILL PAY FOR YOUR INSURANCE. GOD.

- also i dont know treausre island that well . do you guys think itd be worth a read at some point. not even wrt the show here just idk ik these guys are those guys <3

- i will say also tho btw. u know that reminds me of. i love it when ppl get rlly mad abt, like, funny re-imaginings of old stories, myth and folklore like this. SORRY. JUST SAYING. i remember of all the issues there were bbc merlin, ppl fucking fuming bc it disgraces arthurian legend. girlie i dont think colin morgan made patheitc little fuck me eyes for 5 seasons for authenticity.

- speaking of. sir percival billy bones is so funny. its like theyre keeping him around just to take the piss of their big strapping guy arent they.

- i also love gates. one like to slap his bald head

- ANNE? IS THAT HER NAME? I WANT HER CREEPY CRAWLY PUSSY SO BADLY. i realise thats her name. i think. shes also like... insanely fucking hot. im like obsessed with her a bit. its the hat. and the voice. i would not give a shit otherwise- i do admit.

- ALSO: THE SEX WORKERS AT THIS PORT ARE LITERALLY THE ONLY PEOPLE WITH ANY FUCKING COMPETENCE.

- I KNOW I KEEP GOINGON ABTO HIS HAIR BUT T. THE VERY DEFINITION OF T BOY SWAG I TBHINK IM ABOUT TO PUKE

- NO WAY NO WAYYYY HE STINKS OF WEED SO BAD

- RIGHT UH- this is one of the issues of just putting uncollected thoughts into a post like this, ehrm. im approaching the scene i was warned about

- i had a feeling.... with vane. i was worried he was going to force himself on eleanor after the warnings- because certainly, his character is portrayed in a particular way thus far, to the point where it was like... well had i not been warned, i wouldnt think it, but yeah. ehrm. i guessed.. him - or at least, he would have sth to do with it, as he has here- but god. i forgot about max and i was just thinking: they wouldnt let her go, surely that makes no sense with how early we are into the show, unless its one of THOSE shows where characters are brought in and out like theres a fucking rotating door, with no rhyme or reason- but no ehrm.. yeah. :(

- and now jesus. eleanor girlie i know he ha slong hair but jesus dont just mount him cmon... cmon!!

- sighhh... ok!! end of ep 3. really sombre way to end but <3 there we go... I'LL drop this now. idk if i'll watch more tonight orrrr wht! :3 love and light

#Egg.txt #its not a liveblog per se even if i am writing these while watching just random sentiments<3333 YEAH?#black sails liveblog #<- IN THE TAG JUST FOR ORGANISATION </3

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enbyripley · 4 years

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analyzing remedial chaos theory instead of doing my overdue assignments

ok so I've been rewatching community and taking notes, and recently i watched remedial chaos theory and i just wanna talk about how each timeline relates to what abed thinks will happen if each person leaves greendale or the study group or him. i may be very wrong but ive seen the darkest timeline get talked about a lot (as it should) but i think the other ones have a lot of things to say as well anyway lets get started (listed as they’re shown in the episode not numerically)

timeline #2: annie leaves

so i like to think of this reality as the baseline or setup to all other ones. i wrote in my notes that “nothing very notable happens”, nothing happens in this timeline that doesn’t really happen in the other ones. it’s almost boring, which could be how abed thinks things would end up if annie were to actually leave, in a more permanent sense rather than a getting pizza sense

timeline #4: shirley leaves

the main thing that happens in this reality is that shirley’s pies are burnt when she goes. there’s also the googly eyes moment which probably says something about shirley’s “pure nature”, how the group may function romantically without that deep sense of morality to keep them in check, or at least judge them. shirley does end up leaving somewhere in season five or six, nothing really happens other than the show going further off the rails (also troy and abed looked at each other during that romantically themed moment trobed brain go brrrrr)

timeline #3: pierce leaves

troy and britta romance and we are introduced to the toilet olives in troy and abed’s apartment, nothing other than that. i don't think abed believes that anything too notable happens when pierce leaves, well accept troy getting with britta sooner and we already know how that went down in virtual systems analysis and conventions in space and time. but when pierce dies in real life, troy ends up literally leaving abed, and everyone else. so same principle just at a larger scale which made me sob

timeline #6: britta leaves

now we r getting interesting 😈 this timeline especially showcases abed’s dislike of troy and britta’s growing feelings for each other. troy and abed exchange this quick dialogue that goes: troy: “you’re the best” (directed at abed) abed: “wanna stay up all night talking in our bunkbed?” anyway, jeff and annie get together and britta is moved out of the romantic picture when she falls in love with the pizza guy

timeline #1: troy leaves

ouch! just writing that heading brought me physical pain! anyway, something i didn't mention before this point is that in every timeline thus far, abed’s raiders boulder gets rolled down the ramp, but every time abed was able to catch it. this time however, it rolls onto the ground (since abed shows britta to the bathroom instead of troy). now this is when i start reading into things at least a little too much but oh well, my post my rules. so my thoughts are that that boulder represents abed’s sense of control when each person leaves. when every person before troy left, he was able to regain that control by catching the boulder before it’s on the ground and out of his hands. he doesn’t regain that control when troy leaves, rather his loss of it initiates most of the other events in this timeline. the chaos doesn't have any parallels to reality, just wild shit. HOWEVER, before abed goes to help pierce out, he adjust the lil figurine on the raiders display. this is a Reach but i think if we connect this to troy actually leaving, it represents abed focusing on appearances, making sure no one know how distressed he actually is. he tweaks the figure before dealing with the serious things that are going on around him. anyway if i’m right geothermal escapism and all episodes that follow suddenly get a lot more sad (and i cried over troy not being present in at least ten of them so yeah it’s A Lot it makes me feel A Lot of Things)

timeline #5: abed leaves

so in this one, britta eats shirley’s pies and reveals the group’s plan to not let shirley make cooking her Thing, jeff and annie kiss like in timeline #6, but annie ends up revealing that she has daddy issues and both she and jeff end the kiss feeling uncomfortable. abed comes back, says “pizza time”, and isn’t able to notice that everyone else is dissatisfied. it’s pretty self explanatory, abed’s concerned that if he leaves, he’ll end up being out of sync with the study group

conclusion

ok but like i didn't even touch on the darkest timeline beyond troy and abed’s housewarming party and how after abed catches the die he emphasizes essentially how much he thinks that no one has to leave and ow i’m sad again, but yeah if you read through this thank u and good job i am forever in your debt. also the title isn’t a joke i wrote most of this during my social studies Zoom call during which we went over the assignment i haven't even started✨

#community #troy barnes #abed nadir #remedial chaos theory #shirley bennett #britta perry #meta #annie edison #jeff winger #pierce hawthorne #c/#mine #i wrote this on my laptop that's how you know that im commited #using tags for once sorry i am 🤡#trobed #bc duh

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