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aweirdkindofyellow · 9 months

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The J.A.C.I.E. Project, Pt.5

JACIE Jay-see \ d͡ʒˈe͡ɪsi \ See Jennifer Anna Clara Isabell Evans. An ambitious 21-year-old music student, striving to find her place in the industry.

JACK Jak \ d͡ʒæk \ A guy ten years older than Jacie, who takes a liking to her.

Chapter 5

After our breakfast date, Jack and I kept messaging each other. We saw each other a few more times. Less for cute little meetups during the day and more for late night ‘meetups’. I was not complaining, though. Just like Sarah had said, once you find somebody as good as him, it’s difficult to ever go back to the mediocre sex you used to have. It continued to stay as good and thrilling, even after I had come over a handful of times.

The first few times, I’d come over and leave almost straight after. It started with him only booty calling me after he had gone out for drinks in town. Then he’d also hit me up when he wasn’t drunk. Eventually, I started spending the nights at his place, which was just heaven because his bed was beautiful. Then, time started stretching, and we’d spend even more time together. We didn’t go on dates, but I’d be hanging out at his house for a few more hours after we woke up.

It was pretty difficult to cover and hide from my dad, but I somehow managed. I’d used the friends excuse a few too many times. Luckily, he didn’t question it. I often spent quite a lot of time outside the house, even back in high school, so it wasn’t much different. He just didn’t need to know that I was going off to a guy’s house to get my brains fucked out.

By now, I had also figured out a bit more about Jack. I already knew that he had siblings, but I now also knew that he had a brother and sister. He also told me that he was originally Lebanese, and how his parents fled to Canada and the US. Mainly, however, I finally figured out which band he was in after he showed me one of the records up on the wall. The entire time, I was tempted to google him, to find it all out, but I was restraining myself. I didn’t want to be that girl, the one who would figure out everything about him online. That was just creepy. I didn’t want to ruin the little thing we had going.

After yet another successful night, I found myself on Jack’s couch sitting in my panties and one of his black hoodies that engulfed me. He’d even let me touch and play his guitars. Not the ones up on the wall that were supposed to be an artwork, but the actual ones that he played as well. They were nicer than anything I could even dream about affording.

It was actually bad weather for once in LA. The rain was pattering on the window and balcony, creating a white noise that filled the silence. Jack was just sitting on the armchair he had perpendicular to the couch, watching and listening to me play random songs. It was nice to spend time like this with him. We didn’t need sex to fill up all the empty time.

“You have a nice voice,” Jack mumbled to adapt his voice to the quiet surroundings while I was strumming some chords.

“Thanks,” I smiled, my fingers still moving along the fretboard. “It’s actually pretty useful when I’m writing songs. And also for me to make a little money on the side.”

“A little money on the side?” He cocked his head up a little from where he was resting it on his hand.

“Yeah.” I nodded. “Some people on my course ask me to sing for their songs. Not everybody who studies music can sing. It’s fun and it brings in a little money.”

“That’s a lot less sexual than you made it seem initially.”

“Not everything I do is sexual. Actually, most things I do aren’t.”

He hummed in response, listening to me play again. It wasn’t that loud, but I still had all of his attention. “Will you sing another song, please?”

I nodded, thinking of another song I could both play and sing. My mind was always full of songs and things I could play until somebody suddenly requested I play them something. It was like my mind went completely blank. I switched to plucking some of the strings, playing random notes until I started hearing something that sounded a lot like a song I did know. Slowly, I transitioned into that song playing my own version of The One That Got Away.

Everybody could say whatever they wanted about Katy Perry and judge her, but she had some bops. Including this amazing song. It was so calming and it sounded so good with the rain in the background. The weather decided to throw in some low rumbling as well, finishing the whole picture.

Jack just listened and watched the entire time, letting me do my thing. I really wished that I could read what was going on in his head. He seemed content, but I had no idea what was going on behind those brown eyes of his. Was he enjoying this like I was? Or was he trying to figure out a way to make me leave? He was the one that asked me to play another song. But still, it was such a big mystery.

I finished the song, playing the last chord and singing the last line. For the first time in the past half hour, I didn’t immediately start playing something new. Instead, I just looked at Jack, who was smiling at me, and cocked my head to the side.

“You wanna take a turn playing something?” I asked, pushing the guitar off me an inch, but not really moving from my spot between all the pillows.

He shook his head, leaning further into the armrest. “No, I play for a living. It’s nice listening to somebody else.”

“I play for my degree.” I raised an eyebrow back at him.

“Touché…” He rested his head against the back of the chair, continuing to stare at me. “But I like hearing you play.”

“Alright.”

I went back to playing. It was just some random notes. There wasn’t a specific song I was trying to play, I just played a few things that sounded right together. You know, like you do when you’re absent mindedly playing. Slowly but surely, I started imagining a melody over it and started humming along. There were a few words that came to mind, but nothing big enough for me to actually try singing on top of it.

Not that I could ever even get to that stage. I was interrupted by a loud knock on the front door and it suddenly opened without a proper warning. Jack’s eyes immediately snapped towards the commotion, as did mine. How couldn’t they? There was some guy who I definitely had never seen before, but who clearly was close enough to Jack to just burst in like that.

“I brought lunch!” The guy with black hair announced before he even noticed my presence, and held up a paper bag of some fast food place.

I awkwardly scratched the side of my face before putting the guitar next to me on the couch. “I believe that’s my queue to leave.”

I could feel the two sets of eyes on me as I stood up and went into Jack’s room to get changed. I closed the door behind myself, leaving it ajar for some unknown reason. It just felt like I wasn’t hiding myself, like I wasn’t trying to run away. Which was the truth. I had to leave anyway, and Jack’s friend was here to hang out with him now. Leaving the door ajar, though, got me a bit more than I bargained for.

I pulled off Jack’s hoodie and was folding it up to put on his bed, when I realised I could hear every word being exchanged back in the living room.

“Dude, that’s the girl you’ve been fucking recently?” Jack’s friend gasped when I gently put the hoodie on Jack’s bed.

I practically rolled my eyes when I picked up my shirt from the floor and slipped it on. Of course, Jack had been talking about our adventures. For some reason, I hadn’t expected any less.

There was a short silence before Jack answered. “Umm… yeah. She’s pretty cool.”

“And hot. You chose well with this one.”

Like he chose me and I wasn’t the one who chose him. He was the one who came onto me. It was my choice to pursue it. I could have easily left him empty handed at that bar. Instead, I let him grab multiple handfuls of me in bed that night.

I decided to throw on my blue jeans before I heard any more degrading remarks.

“She’s a music student,” Jack added. “Pretty good one too.”

“A student! Damn, Jack.”

I picked up the small shoulder bag I had brought with me the evening before, and pulled out my phone to order yet another Uber. Almost all my money was going towards transport to and from Jack’s by now. But you win some, you lose some, right? I was winning a lot, but it did have a price.

I walked out of Jack’s room and headed for the front door. “I’ll be leaving then.”

“I’ll text you,” Jack promised as my hand grazed the door handle.

“Sure ya will,” I teased back.

“Hey, when haven’t I?”

Yeah… when hadn’t he? There was a reason why I came back so many times.

#all time low fan fiction #Jack Barakat fan fiction #all time low imagines #Jack barakat imagine #the JACIE project

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straycatboogie · 1 year

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2023/03/05

BGM: Pat Metheny - Phase Dance

Today was a day off. I am really forgettable because of the sad autistic character. I often forget the promises or do "double booking". Today was the day I would write the e-mail I promised sending it to my job coach, and I used the reminder function of Google Keep so could write it certainly. I wrote the troubles I have at the workplace as honestly as possible. I am really poor at making lies (but I sometimes try to make lies as you know), so I confessed all of my troubles to her because it would work easily later. And how it will work? Once (as I wrote yesterday) I couldn't nothing if these kinds of troubles happened, so I thought "I am far from those days". "The meeting about autism" I always attend brings me the encountering with that job coach, and also the trial I started to live this life cleverly as an autistic person. Life goes on.

After I wrote that e-mail, I read Haruki Murakami's "Murakami Radio". Suddenly, I thought about myself. I have been influenced to start listening to Jazz by Haruki Murakami, and I thought that I am the person who tries to "adapt myself to the environment". In other words, I won't try to change the environment, but try to adapt it. Of course, it can have good points and bad points, but my life might be said as "I work hardly to make it work good". That might be me. About this job, people often said "you should quit it". Me, I thought quitting this again and again, but I couldn't do that so felt sick. TBH, now I think that if I could use my skill of English as my job. But my body seems adapted to my work and I am still doing. If I were at the situation of the movie "The Martian", I would try to survive that severe situation with a lot of disco songs.

Talking about music, I remember that my life has been helped by music by now. Even now, this morning, the time I wonder what to do certainly, I choose Stevie Wonder to ease my mind. I also listen to Pizzicato Five who tells and embrace me as saying "Tomorrow is another day". When I start work, the soundtrack of the movie "Pulp Fiction" helps me. And also, James Brown's power give me a certain strength... like that, music is standing by me. When I was a kid, a Japanese pop duo PSY・S' song "Lemonの勇気" "shot" through me, and from that accident I have walked this life with music like this. Probably, even I become the age of retirement, I would listen to the unplugged by Eric Clapton or Bob Dylan. If you get older, you would become childlike... At last, I have never experienced any romance and became this age. Without dream and roman... What a life.

I found that we can listen to the masterpieces by De La Soul through subscription, so I listened to their "Stakes Is High" and made a draft for the meeting on the next Thursday. About aphorism. If I did too serious "lecture", the members would not be able to enjoy from their heart. I tried to make it humorous. I quoted Haruki Murakami and Woody Allen, but I also tried to google and find Japanese famous TV personalities' quotes. This is the quote I could learn by googling, for example, that Yogi Berra, a baseball player said “You can observe a lot by just watching”. It's really Zen. I try to add Shigeo Nagashima's quote, a legendary Japanese baseball player. "I want Matsui to show more aurora" (of course, it should be "aura"). Or a famous Japanese TV host, Tamori's "If you have no confidence, you should say it loudly" is also interesting. I spent my day like that.

#diary #tumblr diary

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dancingazaleas · 3 years

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𖨆. 01 / all for us

summary: you wake up in a room that seems to be made specifically for you. as it turns out, it is made for you. you find that out when levi ackerman and erwin smith come in to the room and admit you aren’t allowed to leave. how are the first few days?

word count: +2.0k

warnings/notes: cursing, mentions of drugging, mentions of kidnapping, slight manipulation, abuse, violence, and starvation

YOU never thought that you would end up as a canary. a pretty yellow bird with dark dull eyes as you sat in a cage, a trap.

it all started when you met him. the devil incarnate. erwin smith.

he was charismatic young man, sitting at the age of 35 as he held the title of a prosecutor in court. you find it ironic, he puts vile criminals into jail but overlooks himself, the most vile of them all.

he met you at a café. the coffee beans were grinding in the machine at the counter, you remember how you relished in the smell.

when he first caught sight of you, you were scribbling on notebook paper with a nice black ballpoint pen. the gold framing of the pen shined in the light as you twirled it between your fingers. you looked slightly frazzled, but also at ease; something erwin was not used to seeing. you had white earbuds with the slight appearance of brown on the cords in your ears, hooked up to a laptop that you would occasionally glance at.

erwin thought you were a beauty.

you remember how he sat across from you, smoothly initiating a conversation with you. he was delighted to find out that you were a pianist along with a violinist, he loves classical music. you explained to him that you were struggling to create a song for your performance the next week, that all the music notes were just starting to contort into doodles.

when he helped you, that's when you felt grateful. you remember how he mentioned his partner, levi ackerman, and his own enjoyment of the piano. he asked for your number along with the venue where you would be performing.

you gave him the information easily, seemingly ecstatic about someone coming to your performance.

the next week after your performance, you met levi. he was curt and blunt, his difference from erwin had almost given you whiplash. luckily, you learned to adapt and you even would quip back at him playfully. it managed to make him smile, just a little. you enjoyed his company just as much as you did erwin's, something the two of them were happy about.

it wasn't until weeks later of hanging around them that it all went downhill. you went drinking with the two of them, easily complying to levi's request to drink more and more of your alcoholic beverage. it was the last drink that had you realizing that no other drink you had ever had was salty like this. you collapsed shortly after.

you remember waking up in a room, decorated to accommodate you and your interests. there was a white bookshelf that had gold framing splayed onto it with a vast selection of novels. there were three soft and plush chairs by the bookshelf with a soft rug underneath. a small coffee table sat in the middle of the rug.

there was a large bay window with a gorgeous view of a colorful and bio-diverse garden. cushions and throw pillows were placed onto the windowsill, another place for you to sit. the bed you'd awoken in was a queen, heavy cotton sheets messily spread across the bed. around the the room and even on the ceiling were soft yellow lights disguised as vines. directly across from the bed was a vanity and above that hung a nice flat screen TV. the night stands beside your bed held lamps and small knick knacks that you could entertain yourself with.

there were three doors. one to the left of your bed, one to the right of your bed, and one to the right of your television. you found out later that the one by your television was a small bathroom with nothing but a toilet and sink. the door to your right side of the bed was a walk-in closet that was decorated in clothing you'd never be able to afford.

you remember how after that, levi and erwin barged in as you panicked and started to pace around the room. you remember defying them, cursing them, hitting them, kicking them, and even spitting at them.

with a silent look from levi, erwin's distraught face turned slightly sad. his eyes were misty as he shuffled himself outside of the room. when levi's knee came into contact with your face, you realized why. especially whenever the gushing of blood dripped out of your nose and his voice screamed that none of this was their fault, but your's instead.

but now, levi was once again punishing you. you hadn't meant to do it. you hadn't meant to slap erwin. while you had a panic attack, your muscles thrashed without your command and you ended up slapping erwin across his face. you were secretly satisfied when you saw the pained look he gave you, but it immediately turned to dread whenever levi's rough hands pulled at your hair.

he's kicking you once again, and he occasionally accompanies it with a harsh slap.

"i didn't mean to, i didn't mean to!!!" your sobs sound so broken as you land on your side from levi kicking you.

levi ignores you, forcing you to stare at erwin, who sits at the door of your bed with that same neutral look sprinkled with pain.

"please!!!" you plead as you squeeze your eyes shut, "please, i didn't mean to!! i didn't meant to hit him!!"

levi stops his assaults, staring at your cowering form from above. the collar around your neck connected with chains clang against each other as you wearily raise your head.

erwin and levi are expecting a small whimper of pleas, but instead they watch as you slam your head against the hardwood floor. it has you reeling but even so, you continue. you're slipping into another violent mental breakdown, head banging against the floor as your other hand punches at your hipbone continuously.

your teeth are gritted as you start banging your ankle against the ground.

within seconds, levi and erwin are moving you onto your bed and holding down your thrashing limbs. they're murmuring sweet nothings to you, a hand on your forehead holding your head down against the pillow. you sob out again, entering the stage of hyperventilation and wails. erwin is crying along with you while levi just reminds you to breathe.

levi's hands are pressing your's on his chest and over his heart. his heartbeat guides you into stable breathing. when you've calmed down, you enter the shutdown stage.

"there we go," erwin praises and strokes a thumb against your cheekbone, "back to breathing."

levi stares at his boyfriend, who’s muttering something in your ear, but turns his attention back to you whenever you let out a small grunt.

"she wants to watch a movie," erwin says, pressing kisses to your cheek.

"any movie in particular? if not, i'll put on scooby doo; i remember you saying that it comforted you once," he grumbles while he turns on the television.

you don't answer, unsurprisingly, and levi puts on 'what's new, scooby doo?' for you. levi lays back next to you, cuddling into your warm and unmoving body.

it takes two episodes of watching the show for you to start letting out small, yet forced, giggles at some parts of the show. it takes two more for you to be able to speak again.

"food," that's all you said.

erwin shakes his head and wags a finger, "how do you ask properly?"

"can i have some food, please," you sound so tired.

the two men nod and leave your room to get you a meal. you sit up quietly and look down to your hands. they always left your hands untouched, seemingly trying to protect them from the abuse that levi would put onto you.

"stupid, fucking stupid," you spat, "this is their fault, not mine. their fault, their fault, their fault."

you drill the words into your head, but are soon interrupted whenever erwin enters the room with a tray of food.

"you're even sitting up now," he acknowledges while he puts the tray on the bed in front of you.

you thank him quietly and try to ignore the large hand stroking your hair.

"i love you," he doesn't. you don't do this to those you love. zeke never did this to you.

erwin frowns at your silence, hand now tilting your face to look at him. instead of love, your eyes were filled to the brim with hatred.

"you'll come to love us soon enough," he has no ounce of emotion on his face as his finger softly rubs against your skin.

"i doubt it," you mumble and force your face out of his hand. you just want to eat.

when you look down at the tray, you notice the absence of forks and knives. it has your stomach dropping.

"i'm feeding you," erwin says, fork between his long fingers, "we can't trust you with knives just yet."

erwin stabs the fork into cut up chicken breast on your plate, holding it up to your chapped lips. you stare at the food, had it been drugged?

"i don't want to be fed."

"that's too bad. you're being fed anyway, we can't trust you with forks either just yet," he grabs ahold of your jaw and forces your head to turn towards him.

his thumb and index finger squeeze your cheeks, forcing your mouth open with ease. you jerk away at the food suddenly being forced down your throat, hacking as if you were trying to get it up.

"let me chew first," you cough, handing reaching to touch gently at your adam's apple.

erwin doesn’t respond, opting to put another piece of the food onto the fork. he holds it out towards you, patiently waiting for you to stop choking and to eat again. you clear your throat, the idea of willingly letting erwin feed you makes you sick. you don't want to submit.

"i won't eat anything if you don't let me use the fork myself," you feel a headache coming on, fingers now pressing against your temples.

"then i guess you just won't eat," he says with a hint of sadness, taking the tray back into his hands.

you're so hungry. and the smell of the grilled chicken breast with a side of mashed potatoes isn't helping. you don't want to submit. you can't submit, you won't survive.

"guess that's settled then," you flop back down onto your back.

it wasn't the answer or reaction that erwin was expecting, judging by his widened eyes and stiff posture. he relaxes as he shakes his head in disapproval, walking out of the room and locking the door behind him.

you stare blankly at the ceiling while trying to ignore the growling of your stomach. your head hurts from the lack of food, another thing you're trying to ignore.

you turn on your side, but immediately cry out in pain. levi's earlier assault was starting to form bruises on your body, and the idea that you couldn't even curl into a ball made you want to cry. you hiss when you shuffle back onto your back, ignoring the searing pain that shoots through your ribs and sides.

your eyelids feel heavy after you settle down for a while, finally able to ignore all of the pain you've endured.

————

when you wake up, it's raining. there's not much natural light coming into your room, which you're okay with.

a pang of pain shoots through your head when you sit up, hands immediately grabbing at your hair and nails digging into your scalp. the tugging of your hair made your headache a little more bearable even if it was for a second.

the sound of your stomach growling and chains clinking echos through the quiet room, causing you to look down at your stomach. the chains are cold against your skin, tiny shivers spreading across your stomach.

you sigh and get yourself out of the bed. you walk to your bathroom, peeing with your face buried in your hands on the toilet. you ignore the fluorescent lights, which make your head hurt worse, and wash your hands aggressively.

you look up in the mirror as you do so, but you wish you hadn't. your eyes were puffy from the tears you shed yesterday and there's now a bruise on your swollen cheek from levi's smacking. you hold back the urge to punch the mirror, instead wiping your hands off with a towel and chucking it at the wall. you slam the door behind you and start to walk pass the three chairs meant for you, erwin, and levi. a wave of dizziness has you stopping and holding onto it, eyes instinctively squeezing shut.

when it passes, you grab a book and a throw blanket that's sat on top of one of the chairs. you settle onto the cushions of the bay window, taking a moment to stare at the rain falling.

you open the book, 'perks of being a wallflower', and find yourself lost in the words.

it's when levi comes in with a tray of food that you realize an hour or so has passed. he looks shocked to see you sitting and reading in silence, checking his watch as if he were making sure he didn't wake up late.

"got you food since erwin had to go to work. it's belgium waffles with some fruit and bacon on the side," he sits down next to your, now, curled up legs and puts the tray on the opposite side of him.

you wince at the mention of food and at curling your legs close. it doesn't go unnoticed.

"maybe if you didn't act out you wouldn't be in so much pain now," he says, holding out a piece of the waffle and a hand under to make sure the syrup doesn't drip onto the blanket.

"i'm not going to be fed. i'm not a child," you stare at the food.

"you're going to starve to death if you don't eat. quit being stubborn and fucking eat. i don't feel like cleaning up a body," he snarls and you resist the urge to kick his hand away.

"if you let me feed myself, i'll eat. then, you won't have to worry about digging me a hole."

"you haven't earned that privilege. we feed you for now."

"then i guess i don't eat," your eyebrows are furrowed as you stare at him.

"you're stupid. you'll end up dying."

"rather die than be fed like a child."

"you've got some pride. maybe i can beat it out of you," he drops the fork onto the plate.

"if you beat me anymore then you might actually have to worry about a body," you avert your eyes back to your book.

"if it's what needs to be done," he crosses his arms, "speaking of bodies, your's reeks."

"i don't have a shower in my bathroom, i can't help you with that issue," you shrug and flip the page.

"you can."

"i'm not letting you bathe me either. i'm not stupid. if you're feeding me then you're obviously going to be bathing me."

he chuckles a little at your defiance, but you know it's forced. you can smell the frustration on his body and your ego inflates knowing that you're the one who got him to be like that.

"when you decide you want to live, knock at the door and call for me," he grabs the tray and leaves the room, once again locking the door behind him.

"i can wait eight more days before i die."

#attack on titan #shingeki no kyojin #snk #aot fanfiction #snk fanfiction #levi x reader #levi ackerman #shingeki no kyoujin levi #levi attack on titan #snk levi #erwin x levi #erwin smith #snk erwin #erwin x reader #aot erwin #dark content #sorrels.allforus💒

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emilycollins00 · 3 years

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I saw your requests were open so I 🥺👉🏼👈🏼 I’m not sure if you do Guy but if you do, maybe a scenario where the reader is dancing under the rain and having fun but Guy is worried for their health and is trying to coax them back in but the reader manages to pull Guy with them and start dancing together. I personally think Guy wouldn’t understand the concept or the appeal of dancing under the rain until he sees you and is dancing with you and just goes “oh” yknow 😔✊🏼 if you don’t do Guy or aren’t comfortable enough yet you could replace him with Juza/Tasuku

THIS REQUEST WAS EVERYTHING. I've wanted to write Guy for a while so this was absolutely wholesome to do, thank you Ever!

Hope you all enjoy it 💕

One soulful moment it's all it takes (Guy x Reader)

People say monotony kills the heart. Ironically, monotony is what also keeps the heart working.

It wasn’t that Guy enjoyed it per se, it's just that it was proven things got done quicker when you set up a system. It was more productive. More efficient. Waking up early every morning to practice karate was good to improve his health. Making and drinking tea also helped. Going fishing or taking care of Tsukioka’s garden had also become part of what he got used to when he started living in Mankai among other activities.

The only variant he could never seem to grasp was you.

“You should go out more!”

"I believe we are already outside."

"No- I mean, to play around, you know? Enjoy life! Nothing like a good bruise on your leg to remind you that you have a leg."

You always picked on him based on the consistency of his routines, on the rigidness of his answers. And while sometimes Guy had to admit he didn’t quite grasp the full meaning of what you said, he found you captivating, intriguing even.

Everyone around always seemed to have a smile next to you after all, and as you two got closer, Guy found himself wishing he could be half as carefree and adventurous as you.

“Come on!” You made him eat some of the food you had ordered- even though his own plate was more than enough for one person’s fill. “I can’t believe this is not making you smile. If you are not excited when you eat, you are doing something wrong.”

You always loved to try new things, which was why whenever you would suddenly appear at Mankai you would try and drag him all over Veludo. Openminded experiences, you liked to call them. It was also how Guy had gotten used to asking for places others recommended, such as the cat’s café, Veludo main acting street, or this new curry restaurant director and Usui had seemed to enjoy so much lately.

As you finished your meals and paid, you both stepped outside while making light talk. “Ah… that was spicy but delicious! Not Omi’s level though. I’ve only eaten snacks from him but I bet all his food tastes just as good. You guys are lucky.”

“Yes. He is one skilled young man even among other Zahran’s royal court's chefs I know. I have no doubt anyone that would try his cooking would think so as well.”

“Right? Anyway, I didn’t know you could handle spices so well,” you patted his arm happily. Those plates had been no joke, Chikage and Izumi were monsters. “I mean, you finished it all! I believed this was the time I was gonna see you making weird faces."

"Do you want me to?"

"No! I was joking Guy. You always take me too seriously I swear," you laughed as you both left the shopping district.

The winter member nodded, taking a mental note once again. From his early childhood memories he had always been told to be careful about everything, and was made to follow the path everyone told him to. And though there were times when he wanted to step out of the beaten path, he hadn't been much of a rebel- until Citronia left, that is. He would easily put those thoughts aside and go on doing whatever he was supposed to do.

All of a sudden a few drops fell, snapping him back in the present and made him blink surprised at the sky at the unexpected wet contact. He had seen the weathercast that morning over breakfast and it hadn’t said anything about raining.

“We should look for shelter before it becomes heavier.”

“Uh? What are you talking about?”

Guy stopped walking and met your questioning eyes, as if you truly didn’t understand what he had said. People around you both began passing by jogging with jackets, briefcases, or whatever object they might have in hand acting as umbrellas, and for a second he didn’t know how to explain it more clear. “The rain. We will get wet otherwise.”

There was a sound of thunder in the distance, which made people speed up their walking pace. Not you though.

“I know." you shrugged. "Still can’t see the problem.”

As the raindrops started to make their way through you, causing you to get wet, you stepped away from him, welcoming the cool drink from the clouds.

“Y/N? Where are you going?” he called out to you when you started moving around in circles.

The unaware worry tinted in his expression resonated in your mind. In time, you were able to control yourself enough to let out a snort of a laugh. "Nowhere. I'm dancing silly!" you replied, your voice high with joy and arms open up in the sky. "The rain feels good. I love to walk and dance in it. Don’t tell me you’ve never done this."

“But you will get sick.”

“Oh come on, healing rain is real!”

“Is that so.”

“Yeah! It can be physical healing or emotional or whatever you want it to.” You smiled. Your movements were rusty under the slow and endless drizzle, making jumpings and turns here and there. “It washes your sins away.”

Guy kept staring not entirely convinced. As much as he saw you enjoying yourself moving around in the rain, he had seen Tsukioka and a few other members from Mankai get sick just from running under in the rain on their way back home and all in all, he still didn't fully understand the point of what you were doing.

“It doesn’t seem very conclusive.” He looked around, trying to look for any shop that might sell umbrellas. Without any result he turned to you once again, rain getting heavier as you two talked. “If you wish to feel water running under you a shower could work as well, although I admit the space is considerably different if you decided to dance.”

“Oh for the love of-" you ran up to him, grabbing his elbow and forcing him to come out of the somewhat safe roof he had been guarding himself against since you had left him laughing. “Just come here. Now close your eyes and enjoy the music!”

He followed your instructions and stayed in silence for a few seconds, then he opened them. “There’s no music Y/N.”

“Of course there is! Try closing them again and pay attention.”

He followed your suggestion once again.

All was silent as before- All silent save the dripping rain. Then, as the breathful afternoon melted slowly and the cold caress of fresh air lapped up, Guy started to feel the drops around him. And while they were not synchronized, they created a sound worth listening to.

As you had indicated, he tried to let go of his inhibitions, allowing the rain to wash away the thoughts that had been roaming on his mind After a while he opened his eyes slightly, confused at the sudden feeling emerging within him. It was also when he found you still there, not having moved yet, smiling brightly -as the now hidden sun in front of him.

Ah. He didn’t know exactly why or how it had happened, but the connection between you was different from anything he had felt before.

“…I believe I am now listening to the music you spoke of.”

Sometimes one finds joy in the small and simple things. It could be the scent of the rain, the taste of your favorite food... others, it was the sound of a loved one's voice.

“What do you think Guy?”

He never wanted anything so much than to drown in your love and feel the rain, however his eyes trailer over you, before silently stepping back instead. The sudden action made you tilt your head confused. You knew Zahfra wasn't that much of a humid place so it would make sense he might not be as comfortable as it was for other people to stand in the middle of the rain.

“Guy-”

“Y/N-"

You chuckled at how you both said each other names so suddenly. Just like in the movies. “You go first.”

He stared gaze at your figure for a second, before offering his right hand. Rain kept falling under you, no one else in sight. Just you, Guy, and the sound of rain.

“May I have this dance?”

As if it was possible, your eyes lighted up brighter than they had on the whole day, which surprised Guy to an extent. With a beaming smile you nodded, and so he took a step towards you. He wrapped his hands around you and pulled you slightly closer. The thunderbolts made your body shiver while you wrapped your arms around his neck. He could feel your every breath, and with every breath, your own heartbeats pumped faster.

A good lead should be soft yet subtle, stating their intentions by moving themselves, inviting their partners to follow along. Guy was alert, eyes scanning the surroundings ahead of him, watching traffic, other people, but also aware of what was happening right in his arms.

He treated your follow with respect, never forcing any movement. If he led a step or a pattern and you interpreted the movement differently than he had intended, he adapted to you rather than forcing change. He wanted to give you a sense of security, knowing you could fully depend on his lead the way he had learned to dance, however after a few clumsy fails followed by your laugh, he soon discovered it didn't matter how you both danced, just that you did.

“I think you know me better than I know myself.” He broke the silence after a while. You smiled.

“I’m not going to deny that.”

“I wish I could repay you for that, somehow.”

Laughing again you adjusted yourself so you could look up at him. His astonishingly beautiful green orbs finding yours once again, filled with overwhelming love and safety. “You are doing it right now.”

The corner of his eyes softened.

There were many things he had tried to chase away. Things he couldn’t remember, and others he didn’t let himself think about. Right now he was living, and nothing else seemed to matter anymore. He allowed you to take him anywhere you pleased on that made-up dance floor under the rain. You went right, he went right. You sped up, he sped up. Having you there, next to him like this, made him think about just how lucky he had become.

“…You are beautiful,” he whispered, touching your cheek with care, clearing the strands of wet hair that had gotten in the way.

You held on to him tighter.

“You are beautiful too.” You smiled, noses touching. Rain still falling over you both. “Didn't I tell you? That dancing in the rain deserved getting a cold.”

______________________________________________________

Wishing you all a wonderful day! 💕

#a3! act! addict! actors!#a3 act addict actors #a3 actor training game #a3!#a3 #a3! guy #a3 guy #guy x reader

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merrumeru · 3 years

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Let me cheer you up even more: Graham!90 x reader

Words: 1870

Warning: nope, zero

The room was dark. The only light that could enter the room was the glow of the stars and of the tiny moon in the night sky. I was surrounded by silence as the last song on the vinyl record ended twenty minutes early. I had no desire or humor to get out of bed and change it. I focused on my slow and deep breathing. It was supposed to help me calm down, but it didn't work for me. My eyes were fixed on a distant point in the sky. I felt as if I was sinking into my anxiety. But I couldn't understand why. My life was going in quiet rhythm, I had a roof over my head and someone who cared for me. However, the thought of the future made me panic. Looking at friends who knew what they wanted to do in life, at Graham and his thriving career…I was stalled. I couldn't find a place for myself or this one thing that would be my passion. Graham always said that everything is fine with me, that I will somehow put my life in order. That he, my age, was also feeling lost. Still, the thought of working or continuing my studies scared my in the deep of heart. If I can't see my future myself, so does it even exist? I covered myself with the duvet. From head to toe, as if I was going to disappear. I promised Graham I would wait for him tonight. We'll watch a movie and eat something good. But suddenly I lost my desire for anything. I wanted to fall asleep and wake up in a much better mood. I suspected it was almost 10pm and Graham would be back from the band rehearsal soon.

I heard the key in the door twist. The hit of his backpack on the ground and the sound of shoes being taken off. „Love I’m back”. The mellow voice of Graham sounded so happy. But I was about to ruin it all. On the one hand, I wanted to tell him how hopeless I felt, on the other hand, I preferred not to put stress on him at home. I didn't want to be a sad part of his life, I was supposed to help and encourage him. Graham was more delicate than I was and much more concerned about everything. I didn’t want the negative emotions and stress which he felt through a lack of privacy and high expectations soaking into his heart also in our home. So I pretended to be asleep.

I heard him slowly approaching the bed. He probably didn't expect to find me sleeping. I heard his soft laugh. „Y/N why you always decide to miss the best fun. Okay. I'll put the food in the fridge and lie down too.”

„I’m awake”. I turned to face him. It was dark enough in the room that I could only see his silhouette.

„Did something happened?” I heard his voice suddenly turn serious. I knew that he suddenly felt tensed, as if I was about to say that some kind of disaster had happened. I was silent for a moment, not knowing what to say. „You are sick? Did something unpleasant happen to you at university? Sorry to be late, but you didn't call so I thought everything …”

„No! No Graham, everything is ok. I’m just tired” I stopped in the middle of a sentence, a lump that appeared in my throat blocked all words. „You will be angry if we put our romantic evening in another evening, or day, or whatever?”

„Hey, who do you think I am. Of course it's not a problem baby.” I felt the bed on his side slowly bend under the weight of his body. Graham put his hand on my head and lightly stroked my hair. „I'm just worried. You've been sad for a while and I don't know how to help you.” I stretched my hand toward him and squeezed his hands tightly. „Your voice is so weak, yet your grip is still hard”.The moonlight illuminated his face and a shy smile. His thumb gently caressed the back of my hand.

„Nothing happens. I've just had bad days lately. You know, life is too much to handle for me sometimes.”

„You can always tell me about anything Y/N. I don't want you to feel lonely in difficult times.” Graham released my hand. He took off his hoodie and tossed it next to the bed. After a moment, he was lying next to me, pressing me tightly to his chest. „God, why are you so emotionally unavailable. Will you ever stop being a mystery to me?” He placed a few kisses on my hair. I put one leg on his hip and gripped his T-shirt tighter. I wanted to blend in with his skin.

„I love you so much Graham. I don't know how to express it all.” His heart was beating fast. He radiated a warmth that I missed so much. I could wear a hundred sweaters, be surrounded by several heaters while sitting on one of the sunny beaches, and nothing would warm my heart and hands more than his inner warmth.

„You don't have to show it or look for ways to express it. Just trust me and let me understand you.” His hand rested on my bare thigh, which I got on his hip.He used his finger to paint little circles. I brought my mouth close to his and kissed him softly. One sloppy stroke of the lips, but right after that a second time, much deeper and passionately.

He pulled me towards him so that I was suddenly on top of him. Our lips hardly detached.I felt hotter and hotter, as if all the accumulated emotions had suddenly burst forth and like a wave and found their way out. I felt dizzy, all my bad thoughts disappeared like clouds after the storm. Graham's hands got under my shirt and rested on my bare back. I opened my eyes and broke off the kiss. I straightened up, staring deeply into his eyes. Graham lowered his hands to my hips and gripped them tightly.

„You have such a handsome face, bastard. We both started laughing. „Handsome, talented… you are made to be star.” I pinched his cheek that he grimaced slightly, small lines forming on his nose.„And these crowds of female fans undressing you with their eyes.”

„I'm just looking for the eyes of one girl in this crowd. And I don't have to undress her with my sight. She does it by herself when we are at our home.” Graham straightened his glasses and rose to his elbows.”I just hope that she listen carefully to my words and will follow them. After all, with me, she doesn't have to be afraid of anything.”

He tucked a few locks of hair behind my ear and placed a hand against my cheek. My head rested on it. „Y/N just take it all easy. You are good enough at what you do right now. Life is not only about challenges. Sometimes there are occasions that come by themselves. Whatever it may be, I will try to be always by your side.” I wanted to cry and didn’t know if it was more of sadness or pure happiness and peace that overwhelmed me.

“When did you get so mature? Two years ago, you wouldn't have been giving me such deep advice, just trying to make me laugh or whatever. Where's my baby boy gone?” I smiled at the memories of the beginning of our relationship. Even though Graham is three years older than me, I have always had the tendency to mother him. His delicacy combined with shyness and frequent confusion made me place my whole heart in his hands. I loved watching him do what he loves and his hard work was paying off.

“You have a great influence on me. I doubt if I could mentally handle this without you.” Graham's eyes were on me as I got up from the bed.”Where are you going love?”

“You don't even know how much I feel like having tea.” I stretched gently because my whole body was asleep and put on his hoodie that was lying on the floor. ”I'll do one for you too. You can easily go take a shower. When I'll come back, let's stay in bed, we've been doing it much too rarely lately”.

Graham chuckled and get up without one word. Before I left the room,I looked out of the corner of my eye as he took off his shirt. I bit my lower lip. His body was lean, not very muscular. It pained me that he couldn't see how handsome he was. His broad-shouldered silhouette, bathed in the darkness of the night, made me want to approach him, hug him tightly and kiss his back. Graham turned to face me and tossed the shirt in his hand at me. „Don’t peek! You were supposed to make tea hmmm?”

„Oh c’mon mr.She Coxon. I won't give you back this shirt.”

„Just like my hoodie?” I saw him shift the weight from one leg to the other and cross his arms over his chest.

„What is this slander towards me, Coxon?” I stuck my tongue out at him and, without waiting for an answer, disappeared into the darkness of the hall.

When I returned with two cups, Graham was waiting for me. The room was lit now by a single lamp in the corner of the room. His hair was still wet, he was wearing sweatpants but still no shirt. The towel hung loosely around his neck. Graham flicked through the vinyl records, humming some tunes. Eventually he settled on one and put it in the adapter. I put the tea on the bedside table and lay down, trying to guess what music was about to start playing.

Graham positioned himself between my legs so that his head rested on my stomach.I gently stroked his thick, still wet hair. "God, I don't know how I'll survive these two months without you Y / N”. His hands wrapped around my torso.”Fucking hell”.

“You can always lie like this with Damon.” Graham turned his head abruptly, his chin gently digging into my stomach.

“This is a bloody bad idea. Where do you get such strange ideas from”

“I am not the one who has a deep male friendship. Straight fact, baby. I watched a program once about people in the jungle and they did weird things ...” I ran my finger down his nose.

“What the fuck, I won't be in jungle, in fact we even won't be in village. We're not going to a survival camp.”

“You never know Graham. What if the plane will stuck on a desert island, or the bus will be unable to leave the forest?”

“Maybe let's not go that far. Let's go back to why I'm going to miss you, your body, your words and just being here.” Graham pulled himself to meet my lips.

“But the the-...”

“It won't get the legs and come out by itself. Let me cheer you up even more.”

#graham coxon #blur #blur fanfic #graham coxon x reader #graham coxon imagine #graham coxon fanfic #britpop #fanfic #90s

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costumeloverz71 · 3 years

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The actor on her role in the BBC’s new Nancy Mitford adaptation, the joy of female friendship, and preparing to play Baywatch star Pamela Anderson

Lily James was born Lily Thomson in Esher, Surrey, in 1989. She studied at the Guildhall School of Music and Drama and made her TV debut as Ethel Brown in the BBC’s Just William (2010) before appearing in Downton Abbey and War & Peace. Her film credits include Baby Driver, Darkest Hour, The Dig, Rebecca, Mamma Mia! Here We Go Again and the lead in Disney’s live-action Cinderella. In 2019 she starred in Ivo van Hove’s All About Eve in the West End. James plays the heroine, Linda Radlett, in the new BBC adaptation of Nancy Mitford’s 1945 novel The Pursuit of Love.

How was it working with Andrew Scott, who plays Lord Merlin? Oh, he’s extraordinary. He brings so much. That’s another beautiful relationship, Lord Merlin and Linda … they’re true soulmates. Andrew and I talked about how you don’t have to define some friendships. All sorts of people can become great loves of your life.

Did you succumb to hot priest mania when he was in Fleabag? Of course I did. What a show. He was catapulted into everyone’s heart with that part.

You found yourself at the center of a media storm last autumn [due to rumors of an affair with Pursuit of Love castmate Dominic West]. What was that like? Ach, I’m not really willing to talk about that. There is a lot to say, but not now, I’m afraid.

I was expecting you to be blond. Aren’t you about to start shooting Pam & Tommy, the bio-drama series about Pamela Anderson and Tommy Lee? I’ve been experimenting with wigs of late. Mixing it up. There really is something different about being blond. I remember that from back in my Cinderella days.

Were you a fan of Pammy during the Baywatch era, or more of a Hasselhoff girl? [Laughs] No, I was Pam through and through. I’ve never felt more nervous about a project, but I’m excited too. I want to keep pushing and stretching myself.

You’ve played lots of period roles. Do you feel in danger of being typecast? There probably was a point where I felt that. But now I feel immensely grateful. It’s easy to worry that you’re not doing the right thing, or wish you were doing something different. I fall prey to that a lot, like all humans do.

How was it meeting the mighty Cher on Mamma Mia! Here We Go Again? Just phenomenal. She was everything you’d hope she would be. I brought my mum along to the set on the day Cher did her big song. She watched from the monitors and it was like being at our own personal Cher gig. I’ll never forget it.

Acting is in your blood, isn’t it? My father lived on Sunset Boulevard in the 70s and was an actor for a period. Then he was in a car accident and got these huge scars on his face, which totally changed it for him. He was suddenly doing all these gangster roles. My grandmother [Helen Horton] acted her entire life. She was the voice of Mother, the ship’s computer in Alien. She died just before I started drama school, sadly. I wish I could talk to her about the business now. She was so glamorous and witty.

You’ve sung in a few roles. Are you secretly a frustrated pop star? I’ve actually just recorded with DJ Yoda. He used to be a neighbor of mine. That was really cool and unexpected. I’d love to do musicals. I re-watched La La Land the other night, crying into my pillow. Music adds so much. In The Pursuit of Love, our music supervisor is George Vjestica from the Bad Seeds. The soundtrack is modern and alive. It transforms the piece and makes it feel so sexy.

What role would you most like to play? I’d love to do Cabaret. My Fair Lady too, although I’d have to work so hard on the singing. I just watched that Audrey Hepburn biopic and her voice is very high.

What got you through lockdown? I did jigsaw puzzles and watched Schitt’s Creek. I drank too much wine and woke up at midday. I also read a script by Jemima Khan called What’s Love Got to Do With It. We ended up shooting that with Working Title at the turn of the year. I got to act opposite Shazad Latif, who’s one of my closest friends. After being starved of human connection, it was great to be surrounded by people I love.

Read full article here...

#lily james

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ourplaceinthecosmosphff · 3 years

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Chapter 26. The Heart Wants What It Wants

'chaos is only understood when it is loved by the wild, not the weak’ - Zachry K. Douglas

I wondered, briefly, if my parents were as nervous as I was about that day. None of us had planned on me being back in England anytime soon, but there I was anyway. I suppose I should thank Adrien for continually attracting scandal and, therefore, needing me to distract the media from his wild American adventures.

In May, soon after my sister had returned to her previous insane schedule of ice skating training, there was a report from TMZ, of all places, that Prince Adrien of Savoy was now dating Sienna Lapa, a wannabe singer who’d come in second in X Factor a few years prior. This, we came to find out after asking Adrien what was happening, was the friend who had helped him find an apartment in New York when he decided to relocate there.

My parents and Adrien’s mother deemed it a ‘completely inappropriate choice’. Adrien’s sister, Natalie, seemed to be trying to keep an open mind -- she was and had always been her brother’s biggest defender, after all. Lourdes immediately pulled up all the videos from her X Factor journey to show anyone who’d listen, but that only made our family hate the girl more, as most of her performances involved her with too much energy and very few clothes.

“You can all be so close minded…” my sister complained, rolling her eyes, as Natalie watched the video over her shoulder with furrowed brows when she and our aunt came over for tea after the news broke. “We’re just looking out for him.” Our cousin told her. “So you’re on their side now?” Lourdes asked her. Natalie shrugged, defensive. “I think if Adrien likes her, she must be nice.” Her mother scoffed. “We all know your brother’s record with women is not stellar, chérie.” “He dated Faye!” “Exactly.” My father sentenced. “Maggie, what do you think?” Natalie asked.

As they all looked at me, expectantly, I took a moment to ponder how much this had been happening lately. I had been used to speaking softly before, to remarking carefully on things, in case someone would hear me. But as the Crown Princess, my opinion mattered in more ways than I had immediately realized. It wasn’t just the press that suddenly cared about me, my family, too, seemed more invested in my thoughts. As if my verdict could make or break anything within the family just because I was bound to be queen one day.

“I… I don’t think being an artist should mean she will inevitably ruin this family.” I said. My mother shook her head, and my Aunt sighed, but nobody disagreed.

After tea, my father asked me to stay behind as the others left, and sat me down to remind me, sternly, that being the heir – and, one day, the Monarch –, meant it was my duty to safeguard our family from anyone who, purposefully or not, my damage it.

“You think this girl will damage us?” I asked, suppressing an eyeroll. “Papa, she’s just a girl.” “She’s American. They don’t understand monarchies.” He replied. “Not to mention she belongs to an industry that thrives on scandal and notoriety, things that do not have a place in this family.” ��We don’t even know her!” I said, smiling, amused against my better judgement. “We know she wants fame.” He replied, seriously. “That doesn’t have a place here.” “We don’t even know if it’s true.” I argued.

Unfortunately, it was. I texted Adrien after this conversation, and he was as frustrated as we were, but for other reasons. ‘Its so new’, he said, ‘we just wanted to enjoy each other before inviting the whole world into it and now here we are’.

According to him, it ‘just happened’. They’d been friends for a long time, she was really supportive after his breakup and helped him adapt to New York. He moved into the same building she lives in, and they started spending more time together; before they knew it, it was more than friendship.

He also made clear he knew perfectly well how unsuitable the relationship was: ‘she’s been trying to establish her music career for a long time, so her future lies in America’, he said. ‘She also has pink hair and a lot of tattoos… can you even imagine her in mass with the rest of the family?’

I could not.

The world couldn’t, either. Press and public alike had a lot of opinions on this relationship, which became everything anyone could talk about. It wasn’t just me that gained notoriety with Louis’ death, Adrien did, too, and, with him, any girl he could one day turn into a princess.

And that was the main reason I was sent to England. An invitation for Royal Ascot was issued every year to our family, we tended not to go simply because it was far and we had other commitments. But we needed to change the conversation, so if it took putting me under a hat and in the same picture as the British royals, so be it.

I could see my parents’ tension about this plan in the way they exchanged silent glances while we talked it through, but they didn’t voice any of it. Of course, they couldn’t. Not if they wanted me to do as I was told. So, they didn’t mention Harry, and I didn’t bring him up, either.

Regardless of this, he was very much in my thoughts essentially 100% of the time, even before the Ascot plan was born. All I had to do was just keep that to myself and, if my parents did the same, we could hopefully hold onto the lie that the issue was over.

So, on that day in mid-June, I took the train early with Cadie and Auguste and my security, headed to England, with a fancy outfit safely packed away in a weekend bag, which I changed into before we arrived.

I was wearing a salmon pink, wide-legged jumpsuit that my mother had deemed ‘too modern’, with my hair styled in vintage waves under a flowery disc fascinator.

The Royal Ascot races were a society event, with the actual races taking a backseat to… pretty much everything else: the fashion, the high profile guests, the arrival of the queen and royal family later on… honestly, it was everything but horses.

As a guest, I didn’t arrive with the other royals in a very much televised carriage ride into the main front lawn, and I was glad to be able to skip it, hoping I might be able to go straight to the viewing area, free of press. Unfortunately, that was the opposite of the goal.

So, even though I arrived privately, I was then escorted to the entry lawn for socializing before the race started. Though Cadie didn’t seem to think it was necessary – which I tended to agree with –, Auguste made sure to find me a pin with my name on it, a must-wear for every guest no matter how high ranked.

“A drink would be actually helpful.” I told them. “Not until the enclosure, I’m afraid.” Cadie replied. Auguste leaned in closer. “Though my colleague may have a different view, ma’am, I feel being seen with alcohol might not be the best course of action for what we’re here to do.” “Boss.” Cadie whispered his way, rispid. “I’m your boss, Mr. Authier. Not colleague.” “Is it appropriate to discuss that at this time, boss?”

I sighed, walking further away from them and into the crowded, sun soaked lawn. One thing I hadn’t grown used to yet was the looks. Every step taken through a public area, particularly one with such a high concentration of high class people, was the target of laser focused glances from almost anyone around. I was forced to develop the ability of confidently aiming my eyes at something abstract, so I was seen as being busy, but didn’t accidentally lock eyes with anyone. It was a perfect recipe for disaster. Which is why I should have expected it.

I didn’t bump into him, that kind of thing didn’t happen at highly planned events like this, especially when you had a large entourage of people with you whose job it was to make sure you went to the right place at the right time to meet the right people. It was more accurate to say our eyes bumped into each other.

There I was, walking slowly through the crowd, avoiding one pair of eyes after the other. First using the far away stands as a distraction point. Then using the awkwardly placed decorative flowers as a distraction point. Which led to using the one very weird hat as a distraction point, as its owner was standing right next to it. But then the hat was so weird I had to see the face of the person wearing it, but she was already looking at me, so I felt awkward and looked away as quickly as possible and, in my hurry, didn’t think too much about it, so instead of a safe distraction point, my eyes found… Harry.

“Ma’am,” Cadie leaned closer, “shall we go greet the president of the Ascot association?” “What? I–” I stuttered, barely able to take my eyes off of Harry. “Sure.”

Heaving a sigh, I allowed myself to be walked around to meet the people it was important for me to meet, doing what I had been doing every day since the last time I had seen him: smiling politely, making smart, appropriate conversation, representing an entire country. All things that were painful reminders of what kept us apart.

I woke up early, I worked hard every day to hold myself accountable to my new role, keeping busy the best I could, but every night when I closed my eyes to sleep, it was his eyes that I saw. It was his voice saying ‘don’t marry him’, the tap of his hand on mine above his heart as he told me ‘it’s yours’, and every time I thought about it my whole body shivered with joy and I wanted to cry of frustration, sadness and anger that I couldn’t just embrace something that was meant to just be a happy thing.

“Yes, my parents were so sad they couldn’t make it.” I told a trustee of the event, sustaining a neutral smile as though my entire body wasn’t shaking.

Sometimes, hypocritically, I wondered why Harry hadn’t reached out, either. I knew, rationally, that it was better that he didn’t, but he had made a point of saying he didn’t have to listen to his advisors when they told him to stay away from me, but he had. Whenever I started to feel sad about this, I reminded myself it was better this way. Safer. Healthier. Then I googled him to make sure he wasn’t dating anyone new, ‘just in case.’

But now there he was, in Ascot. Because of course of the five days of this event we would both go to the same one, believing differently was something only my parents did to help them sleep at night. On my end, I knew it was going to be this way.

It’s like I was fated to always run into him after weeks or months of absence, just to remind my heart of what it was leaving behind. Destined to try and forget him just to see him again, the man I could see, but not feel. Love, but not have. At arm's length, but worlds away.

As I turned away from the U.N. Ambassador, assuring him I would transmit his best wishes to my parents, I startled.

“Harry.” He startled, too; looked me up and down, closed his eyes in frustration, and sighed. “Damn, Mary, really?” He asked, sounding tired. “Wh-what?!” I asked, nervously, drying my sweaty palms in the pants of my jumpsuit. I’d been nervous all day they were a choice too ‘out there’. “Where do you find the audacity to look this beautiful?!” He asked, seriously.

It took me maybe two seconds to understand this flattery, and that he wasn’t actually criticizing my fashion choices, and when I did I was washed by such a deep wave of relief I was almost angry.

“Seriously?!” I slapped my handbag playfully against his arms, rolling my eyes, and turned away to walk into the building, leaving him as well as my team to catch up. “What?! It was a compliment!” He said, hurrying after me, suppressing a chuckle. I was smiling in spite of myself. “Maybe, but your tone was very misleading.” He smiled. “I apologize about my tone, Mary. May I try again?” I blinked, slowly, grinning now, and he went on. “You look beautiful.”

His second attempt was all that it shouldn’t have been: intense, yearning, full of a double meaning only we seemed to hear.

Bashfully, I gulped. “Thank you… I wish I could say the same.” “Ouch?” He laughed, taking a step back. “It’s not your fault, coats and tails is just not flattering on anyone.” “Well, that’s it.” He took off his hat and immediately started unbuttoning his vest. “What are you doing?” I asked, laughing. “I will go naked before I let you see me in something unflattering.” I took one step closer and stopped his hands with mine. “Oh, my God.” I said, looking around. “Stop!”

The main building was guests only, no press, so we were pretty safe there. But there were still guests around.

“What? You started it.” He chuckled but, at least for now, stopped undressing himself. Someone behind him cleared his throat. “Sir, you should probably button up before we go upstairs.” Harry nodded, serious. “Of course. Thank you, Edward.” He subtly buttoned his shirt while I looked around; some people had their eyes on us, but nothing too out of ordinary. “My secretary.” He explained. “Trying to keep me from trouble is literally his job, so I try to listen to him sometimes, throw him a bone, you know how it is.” “I hope you pay him enough.” I told him, teasing. “Sounds like an impossible mission.” “Touché.” Harry giggled, the sight making my stomach flutter.

We exchanged a long look, the whisper of our smiles still holding on to our lips dreamily.

“So, how have you been?” He asked, clasping his hands behind his back. I tucked a strand of hair behind my ear. “Good. Well. Merci.” I nodded. “You?” “Awful, thanks for asking.” He smiled, so it was tough to know if he meant it or not. “Oh?” “Nothing that we can fix, I’m afraid.” He shrugged. “Should I escort you upstairs?” “Oh. Uhm. Sure.”

He led the way to the elevators, our team right behind us. With our security, we crowded one elevator with no room for anyone else. Though this was a pretty safe environment, I didn’t feel safe enough to inquire about what he meant.

“So, how’s Lourdes?” He asked, upbeat. “Pretty good.” I said, nodding. “She’s skating again.” “Nice!” He broke into such a huge smile it was hard not to smile as well. “I want to see her skating, do you have any videos?” “More than I need.” I rolled my eyes. “I’ll–”

I was about to say I’d send him some, when I stopped myself.

“You have her number, right? You should ask her, trust me, she’ll be delighted. She loves showing her routines to people.” He nodded, “I will.”

Though it was a very big building, the elevator stopped on every floor, where both our security alerted people it was crowded before the doors closed again. We were headed to the last, highest floor, the Royal Enclosure, which was the best viewing point for the races. It was also highly exclusive and invite only, and a person could online invite someone else after attending for four years. Divorcées weren’t even allowed in until 1955.

So the elevator ride took a long minute, which may be what gave me the courage to surrender and lean in closer to him to ask:

“Truth or dare?” He smiled to the ground, biting his lower lip, but leaned in to me as well and whispered, “Dare.” Smiling in return, only slightly annoyed I’d have to wait to ask why he said he’d been ‘awful’, I went through my head for a good dare idea. “Let’s see….” “May I remind you we are in a very public, heavily press-present event?” He whispered, still close. “Sounds like something you should have thought of before choosing dare.” I shrugged, whispering back. “Okay… get someone in this elevator to slap you.” He leaned back. “What?!” “Go on.” “How?” “I don’t know.” “Mary… I–” He sighed, looking around. His eyes paused on every person present, my staff, his staff, the security… and then it paused on the tall, slender man who he had referred to as his secretary before. “Hey, Edward, I need a favor.” “Yes, sir?” The man replied, while I suppressed a giggle. “Slap me.” The whole group looked at them for a moment, before looking away, pretending not to be overhearing. “S-sir?” “It’s not a big deal, just slap me. It doesn’t need to be strong.” Harry insisted. “Sir, I–I don’t understand!” “It’s a long story,” Harry lied, “I’ll explain later, but I need you to slap me now. Go on, I promise I won’t mind.” I bit my lip strongly to stop myself from laughing. Edward looked truly concerned, and Harry sounded increasingly more desperate. “Harry, no!” Edward said, shaking his head.

The elevator stopped in place with a melodic ‘ding’, and Harry sighed as the others filed out before us – Edward leading the way.

“Any chance you’ll slap me?” He asked, making me laugh. “Ask me again later.” I said, walking out. “But then I’ll have already lost.” He lamented. “Well, then you’ll have to live with the defeat.” He groaned, following me to a table of drinks and appetizers. There were no cameras in this enclosure, and no one else I had to be formally introduced to. As I didn’t know anyone else, this left me free to grab a drink and something to eat.

Harry, however, waved a quick hello to a handful of people as soon as we walked into the room, but continued to follow me.

“Okay, rematch.” He started. “Give me another dare, I must redeem my honor.” “God, men… it must be so exhausting feeling you have to prove yourself constantly.” He grinned. “We both know you’re judging me for not doing a dare. Go on, give me another one.” I giggled, and sighed. “Alright, remember you insisted… I dare you to…” I thought about it deeply, looking around.

There was a couple of girls a few meters away looking at us – more particularly, at him – with jealousy and desire in their eyes. I smiled in spite of myself, feeling oddly powerful.

“To improvise a poem.” He looked so confused it made me smile again. “A poem? Like, like poetry?” “Yes.” I nodded. “Take your time.”

As I took a sip of my sparkling wine, he put his hands in his pockets, looking around. I could see his mouth silently moving as he talked quietly with himself. It was an amusing sight, and I’d be lying if I said I didn’t notice how handsome he looked deep in thought like this.

“Okay.” He nodded, seriously, approaching.

He removed his hat, brushed his hair to the side with his hand and stood unnervingly close to me.

“You're a vision in pink, I might need a drink…” He risked a look at me, but his cheeks were reddening, so he looked away again. “And I might pass out, if you gave me a wink…” I tried to suppress a giggle, as I thought any sudden movements might dissuade him from this dare. “Every day I remember, when the leaves were ember… In blue, you breezed through… your skin, warm and tender, In all of your splendor…” he looked at me again, still pink in the cheeks, but with renowned intensity in his eyes, “Waking up with me, your legs between my knees. I woke up desperate to please, and tease, with ease…”

His eyes locked on mine, intense, he recovered his color just as I felt my cheeks heaten up. He said each word slowly now, over-enunciating double meaning into each syllable.

“And squeeze, your hills, give you chills, thrills, until… Your daisy became daffodils… Asleep and awake, three days of bliss, give and take… Slow, sweet, fast or rough. Forever wouldn't be enough.”

His eyes hovered over my face, slowly lowering towards my lips, pausing there for the longest minute as I felt breathless. To the silence, I realized it was over, and struggled to think of something teasing, light-hearted enough to say to this. How to hide the way his voice – his words – made me feel?

I bit down an embarrassed grin thinking of his words. Walking in wearing blue when the leaves were ember? That was when we met last fall. Waking up with my legs between his knees? When I ran away to his home and we slept in the same bed. ‘Squeeze your hills, give you thrills, slow, fast, or rough, forever wouldn’t be enough’? That, that was… an alternate reality that felt the more tempting the more he continued to look at me.

“I don’t want to break the moment, because I feel there’s a moment here… but that was really good, right?” He asked, sounding honestly shocked.

It made me laugh out loud.

“Oh, my God, did I… write that?” He added, looking around, seemingly astonished with himself. “Did I maybe hear this somewhere? Did I accidentally plagiarized someone?” Laughing, I held on to his arm to steady myself. “Honestly, it was very good.” I managed to say. “I know! It was incredible!” “I mean, it started just okay… but it got… really interesting in the end.” “Interesting?! I think I’m a poetry miracle!”

I laughed again; throwing my head back, I had to hold on to my hat so it stayed in place.

“I need a pen and paper to write that all down before I forget it!” he added, patting his pockets. “Oh, my God, shut up.” I begged, still laughing. “Alright, alright…” He smiled. “My turn. Truth or dare?” I sighed, “Dare.” He grinned, surprised. “Oh, wow. Okay… I dare you to…” He considered it for a few seconds, looking around the room.

Silently, he grabbed my half-drank wine glass and moved to the drinks. He picked a bottle of whisky, and poured some into my glass.

“Hey!” I protested.

He did the same with the scotch, the vodka, the mango liquor, and every other bottle in the table until my glass was almost full to the brim.

“I dare you.” He said, handing me the glass. “Are you s–? This is so unoriginal.” “Just drink it.” He grinned. I smelled the contents of the glass, which smelled oddly of citric coca cola, and took a quick sip. “Oh, my God.” I complained, trying to remind myself not to yell in disgust. “You can do better, come on.” “No, I think this is enough.” “What? You drank nothing!” “Yes, but you never said I had to drink a lot, just that I had to drink.” I shrugged. He closed his eyes, and smiled, annoyed. “Wow. Such a lawyer.” I laughed. “My turn.” “Fine. Truth.” He said, rolling his eyes. I gulped, placed the disgusting concoction in my glass back on the table, but kept the smile in my lips as I asked, “Why did you say you were awful before?” His smile faltered. “Oh. You know…” He shrugged, nonchalant. “No, Harry… I don’t.” I said, softly. He avoided my eyes, but his lips sustained a humorless, emotionless smile. He took in a long breath, and looked at me. “Do you maybe have another question?” “What? No. Harry…” I shook my head, confused. “That’s the question.” He sighed. “It’s just work.” “Work?” “Yes, Marie. Work. I have a lot to do to get Invictus ready for September…” “Okay. Is that all it is? Because your tone says differently.” Still smiling coldly, he looked around, and brushed a hand through his hair, nervously. “Speaking of work, how’s your work?” He asked. “Is royal work as an heir any different?” “Harry.” I insisted, seriously, now feeling my heart beating increasingly heavier in my chest.

Finally, something snapped. He bit his lip, avoiding my eyes, then closed his eyes, muttered ‘hallway’, and walked off without affording me a second glance.

Chilled to the bone, I waited a couple of seconds before following him out, strategically avoiding Cadie and Auguste’s worried glances from nearby.

We walked out of the enclosure to the elevator hallway. It was emptier now than when we had come in, but still had a couple of people in it. So Harry passed them towards other doors, where it was emptier.

He stopped by a window, hands in his pocket, and heaved a sigh, brows creased, eyes pained. My heart ached just to watch him.

“Look, I–” He started, avoiding my eyes still. “I…” He laughed, humorless still. “Harry,” I tried, softly, “you’re worrying me.”

He closed his eyes, painfully. After a couple of seconds he opened them and stared right into mine. When our blues connected, I felt again that old chill down my spine; that feeling of being seen for all I was, that chill of knowing there was a lot being said, even if we weren’t speaking.

“Work is hard, yes, but–” He licked his lips, pausing. “I can handle it. What makes it harder, though, is that I can’t go very long without thinking about you.” I gulped. “W-what?” He smiled, a little more honestly now. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry, Mary. I know that sucks to hear. I just…” He sighed, heavily, and took a step closer to me. “I can’t stop thinking about you.” Feeling my stomach do a cartwheel inside, I gulped. “I… W-what?!” His smile grew now, amused. “I look around my house, and all I can think is I miss having you there. I miss waking up with you, cooking with you, talking with you all day long...” He took another step closer, now in a way where his smell was all I could breathe; still the same citric L'Occitane smell I could never forget. “I think about you every time I open my bathroom cabinet and see the toothbrush you forgot.” He shrugged. “It’s pathetic. And even now as I say it, I know it’s pointless. I know just looking at you that it’s a lost cause. And it’s not your fault, even if sometimes I wish it were. It might be easier if I had a reason to be angry at you… But you didn’t ask for this. Neither did I. I just…” he shrugged. “I can’t stop thinking about you.” I sighed, breathless. “Harry. I…” “I know.” He nodded, staring at the ground. “I understand better than most. You have a duty. You have rules to follow and a huge number of people around ready to remind you why this would be a terrible idea, and I get it. I have the same. Lower stakes, maybe, but I do, and I hate it.” He smiled, in a sad, desperate way; eyes full of yearning as they looked at me. “The truth is I think about that kiss every day.” He whispered, gently. “The truth is I think about that date we never had every day, and about everything that could have been different… The truth…” He sighed, longingly. “The truth is I think I’m falling in love with you.”

My mind was both completely blank and going a thousand miles an hour. I felt my hands… shaken. My legs felt weak. I thought of Louis’ funeral again, of trying to kiss him at the worst of times, of how much it hurt when he pulled away, of when he told he didn’t want to be something I might regret.

I remembered sleeping with Chris right after, getting back together with him without even realizing it. Of the proposal and the yelling and the months of headlines about it.

If my brother was still here, Harry and I might have been just a complicated, unique love story. But he wasn’t, and because of that everything was such a mess. I was such a mess.

And yet, here he was: loving me anyway. In spite of it all. What was the universe thinking?

“Maggie?”

My fragile, already shaken up heart went cold. I looked back to find…

“Christopher?

--- ---- ---

Royal Ascot Outfit

[A/N: I know what you’re thinking, ‘how dare you not post for 2 weeks and then leave us with a cliff hanger????’. Guys, I’m SORRY! In my defence, 2020 was a hell of a year, I had to move, the holidays were a lot, I had a guest over, and I GOT A DOG! So...........a lot has happened! But things should calm down now, so I promise to try my hardest so this doesnt happen again! Spoilers: the story is going into its next phase! Secret-relationship-angst kind of next phase. But anyway, enough about me... how have YOU been? Tell me all about it, oh and also your thoughts on the chapter? hopes for the next ones? notes? criticisms? I’ll take it all! THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR READING AND STICKING WITH ME AND FOR YOUR PATIENCE! PS: Lola, my fur child, is a 2 years old rescue, loves munching ice and guilting me into petting her instead of writing/working. I also accidentally scard her out of going to the bathroom where shes supposed to so now I’m slowly moving a pet-mat through the apartment back there. Tips? LOVE YOU HAVE A GOOD WEEK! BYE!

PS 2: I PROMISE I’LL COMPRISE ALL THE CHAPTERS INTO A MASTERPOST LIKE ONE OF YOU ASKED ME TO, I JUST NEED TO FIND THE TIME BUT I WILL! Thanks for the suggestion <3 ]

#Princeharryff #prince harry fanfic #prince harry fanfiction #princeharryfanfiction #Princeharryfanfic #prince harry #brf #modern royalty au #modern royalty fanfic #fanfiction #OPITCphff #chapters

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reddrobins · 4 years

Text

curiosity killed the cat and perfection killed the bat

tim drake x reader

summary: you were the batgirl to Tim’s robin. his everything, that is until you started to deteriorate away.

warnings: depiction of eating disorders, angst, hurt/comfort

You hadn’t always been a perfectionist. Really, if anything that was a new trait. But of course, all new things become old and all good things must come to an end, and you were the best thing in Tim’s life.

Bruce had taken you in under circumstances like any other of his children. Small child, carrying absurd amounts of trauma on their back. He saw potential in you the minute he laid eyes on your scared shaken form back in Crime Alley.

You were quickly welcomed into the family and not long after made friends with Bruce’s newest son, Tim.

You and Tim were inseparable the moment you met. Bruce could tell there was a bond like no other between the pair and would never dare to break the two of you up. So when Stephanie decided to go solo, the role of batgirl was open and Bruce saw no other option than you to be Tim’s new crime fighting partner.

You were thrilled. I mean what average child gets to go ham on criminals nightly and punch out their aggression? Though you knew batgirl was a more strategic role within the duo, you still couldn’t have been more excited to be a part of the team.

However, that joy didn’t seem to last too long.

Your first week as batgirl you decided to watch some footage of old fights on the batcomputer. It was videos of when Barbara and Dick were batgirl and robin and boy, were you blown out of the water.

You were drawn to Babs. Her moves, her brain… Her body. Everything just seemed so superior to you. You started to feel inferior, to feel like you weren’t good enough, like you didn’t deserve the mantle. It was basic comparison at its finest, however when you add comparison on top of years of trauma, it shifts into something different. Something more sinister.

Tim was the first one to notice your mood shift. Of course he was, the teen was your partner both in life and at ‘work’. The first signs he noticed was your increase in irritation and newly adapted short temper. The most prominent example being the one fateful night on patrol.

“Batgirl, do you have the location of the drug circle?” Tim asked as he scoped out the area from atop the WE building.

“Yes, it should be right under the pier. A small ship where they’re beginning to load up cargo for a trade.” You responded as you grappled from building to building - catching up to Tim.

“Okay. Here’s the plan, I’ll go in first, quietly. Then you can swoop down and take out the two thugs by the boa-”

You interrupted him, “Why are you going in first?”

Tim furrowed his eyebrows behind his domino mask. “I- I just thought you would’ve wanted to do some recon before we go in fighting…”

You crossed your arms, “do you think I can’t handle it myself?”

Red Robin was at a loss for words, beyond confused. You were a partnership, were was this sudden burst of irritation coming from?

“What? No, (Y/N) - I mean batgirl of course not. Why would you even think that?”

Rolling your eyes you sneered, “You just always calls the shots Tim. I’m starting to think you don’t think I’m capable enough.”

He was taken aback by the accusation, you were never normally like this. “That’s not that at all. No way, I think you’re more than capable, I just… I just thought that’s what you’d want?”

“Sure Tim.” You glared at him, “if you think you can pull this off on your own, then why don’t you get on with it. I won’t interrupt your work anymore.”

And with that you left, grappling away from Tim and back home to the Manor. The raven haired teen was left astounded. What the hell had just happened? Did you really just sacrifice the mission for what, a mild argument? He’d definitely be talking to you about this later.

The second sign he noticed of your change in personality was your avoidance of dinner. Or all meals for that matter.

“(N/N)! Alfred’s calling us for dinner! You want to come down?” Tim hollered from the stairs.

You however were busy in your room, music up to a volume that drowned out Tim.

Downstairs, the teen groaned and clambered up to your room knocking once before entering.

There you were, on the floor doing crunches, eyes squeezed shut due to over exhaustion. “(N/N)” he called again, this time from the doorway.

You sat up and pressed pause on the speakers, facing Tim. “Oh. Hey, what’s up?”

“Um, Alfred made dinner and wanted me to come bring you down… am I interrupting something?“

“What? Oh that, no. It was nothing. Just some pretraining workouts before patrol tonight.” You laughed, looking off into the left.

Though Tim was a great detective, it didn’t take skill to know that you were lying. However, he let it go. “Okay… so, you coming down?”

You bit your lip in contemplation and then finally shook your head. “Uh, I had a big lunch and am still not really hungry. So please tell Alfred I’m really sorry and I know whatever he made was wonderful.” You lied, hoping he would let the conversation go.

Luckily, he did.

“Sure. Just please come down if you get hungry. With all of the extra training you’re doing you need to make sure you’re staying nourished.”

You quirked your head at his response, “extra training I’m doing?”

Tim sighed and ran a hand down his face, “Do you really think I don’t hear you sneaking down to the batcave every night? The floorboards are old you know.”

Not knowing what else to do, you put up your walls. “What are you spying on me or something? The fuck Drake, I thought we were a team?”

Tim faltered at your response, not knowing what provoked this outburst, “What? No. Of course not. I just care about you okay?”

The teen walked over to you and lifted his hand, bringing it up to caress your cheek. However before he could make contact, you pulled away instantly. Hurst flared in Tim’s eyes.

He sighed, “Okay. Well I’m going back down, feel free to come down if you need anything.” Walking to the door, Tim shut it behind him and waited for a few second, seeing if you would change your mind.

However all he was left to hear was floorboards creaking and pained counting as you continued your workout.

The third thing Tim noticed was a change in your clothing style. Suddenly all of your favourite dresses, crop tops and t-shirts were swapped out for baggy hoodies and men’s jumpers. Tim swears you steal them from Jason.

The two of you were sat on the floor of the batcave, Damian off in the distance spearing dummys with his katana.

“So” Tim started, “last night I was looking into our case and I found out some pretty interesting facts. The guy were looking at, his name is Gregory Jacobs and guess what, he works for Sionis. If we crack him, he could be a huge lead to whatever- what’re you doing?”

“Huh?” You looked up at Tim.

The teen pointed at your wrist which you currently had two digits wrapped around. Immediately, you unclasped your grip.

"That?” You laughed, “That was nothing. Just something I do when I’m nervous.” Based on the inflection in your voice and your lack of eye contact, Tim could instantly tell you were lying. However, like last time, he decided to drop it.

“Uh, Sure… what’s your opinion on the Jacobs thing? Say we go on patrol tonight?” Tim quirked an eyebrow, obviously really intent on taking down Sionis’ men.

“Yeah. Sure.” You said distantly. Tim was about to respond when you opened your mouth again. “Hey Timmy, you mind if I take a nap. I’m just really tired right now and want to rest up before patrol, you know?” You stood up from your spot on the floor.

“Um yeah. Go take a nap. I’ll catch up with you later about the case.” Tim stood up too and leaned in to kiss you on the check, only for you to once again pull away abruptly.

You gave a weak smile and ran up the stairs from the cave, heading towards your room.

“Somethings wrong with her, Drake.” Tim turned around to find his little brother, sheathing his katana.

“I know. I just wish she would tell me.” The older teen sighed.

“Do you wish me to talk with her?” Damian asked, shocking Tim. Why all of a sudden was he being nice?

Tim shook his head, “No, it’s fine Damian. She’ll just get annoyed with you. I’ll just wait for her to talk.”

The younger Wayne nodded, “I’m only asking for her well-being, Drake. Don’t get any ideas I’m going soft on you.”

Tim smirked, enjoying this unusual moment with his brother, “of course not Damian, I wouldn’t expect that of you.”

“Good. Now I am going to go play fetch with Titus. If you decide you’d like me to talk with (Y/N), I shall be in the yard.” Damian went up the stairs leaving Tim by his lonesome. Lost and confused on how to help you get through… whatever you were going through.

The fourth time Tim noticed something was off was when you fainted on patrol. And man, was that the scariest night of his life.

“Red Robin to Batgirl, I’ve located Jacobs, are you in place to attack?”

It was the night of the mission. Tim was overly stoked whereas you, well you had your mind on other things. The suit felt really tight, almost like you were too big to be in it, you’d much rather opt for your oversized hoodies. You kept thinking about the breakfast you had that morning, everything was just too much. “Yeah...” you responded.

“Good. Batman,” Tim spoke into the coms, “we’re moving in.”

You swung your grappling gun to the nearest ledge, jumping off your current perch, and ow, why did that hurt? Your shoulder felt like it was on fire and when you landed on your feet, you felt like you broke both your ankles.

You hissed in pain and Tim heard, “Batgirl, are you okay?”

You nodded, “Fine, dunno why that hurt all of a sudden though...”

To say Tim was worried about this mission was an understatement. For the past few weeks, though you had been working out, you seemed to be quite frail, walking slowly, speaking with no energy - it was scaring Tim. But still, you insisted you come on the mission.

“Okay, just please be careful... I’m going in, are you behind me?”

You mumbled a ‘yes’ into the earpiece and followed your partner into the building.

Flipping down from the awning, you stumbled on your landing, luckily Red Robin was there to catch your fall. “Are you sure you’re okay?” he whispered to you.

You shrugged him off in annoyance, muttering an ‘of course I am.’

“Okay, we’re going to split up from here, I’m going to take the two guys in the back and you can handle the one by the cargo, then we’ll both go after Jacobs.”

Though you didn’t see why Tim insisted you only take down one goon, you complied with the plan and snuck over to the cases of drugs.

Quietly, you reached out behind the thug and pressed your hand to his mouth, pulling him behind the crate. You tried to use your core strength to flip and straddle his neck but to no avail, you were just too weak.

He got the better of you and wailed a punch at your temple. You stumbled slightly, blinking away the dark spots in your vision. Cursing, you charged at the man again, batarang in hand.

You threw it at your target but alas, the force wasn’t strong enough and it clattered against the crate, limply falling to the ground.

was the room spinning or was it just you?

At this point you couldn’t even tell. Nonetheless, you tried to attack one more time, sliding onto the floor you stuck your leg out in means to trip him, but it just barely made the man sway.

He laughed, “So this is Batgirls replacement? A weak little twig like you?”

You felt a flare of anger in your chest, how dare he call you a replacement!

You let out and angry growl and with all of your might pounced at him, tackling the large man to the ground.

He laughed again, and easily threw your body off of him, leaving you to crash into a wooden crate.

You laid on the floor staring up at the ceiling, was the ceiling always that high up? Where are those dots coming from?

Weakly, you tried to sit up, ignoring the heaviness of your head, at least that was until you passed out.

When you came to, you realized you were in fact, tied to a chair, however not by yourself. Tim was tied behind you on his own chair.

“Timmy?” you mumbled.

The teens ears perked up, “(Y/N)? Oh thank god, you scared me so bad.”

“Tim, what happened? Why are we tied up?”

He sighed in response and craned his neck to look at you, “After you fainted, the third thug came at me. There was just too many of them for me to handle while thinking about if you were dead. God, (Y/N), you scared me so bad. Please don’t do that again.”

“It’s not like I chose to faint, Tim.” You sneered, upset that he was putting the blame on you.

“Well you are the one that chose not to eat. The one that chose to overwork them self. The one that didn’t ask for help when you were clearly struggling... I mean, am I wrong?”

You gulped, so he knew...

“Tim... I-”

“(Y/N) I’m not mad at you, I just want to know, why? Why put yourself through that?” He pleaded with you.

You sighed and then out of frustration and exhaustion, let out a cry. “I had to okay?! I saw footage of Babs and saw how much prettier and skinnier and smarter and just better than me she was. I didn’t have a choice but to fix myself to live up to her legacy.”

Tim’s heart broke at your sobs, god he wish he cold take away your pain and just tell you how naturally beautiful and smart and unique and talented you are... He just didn’t know how.

“(Y/N)... you didn’t have to do any of that. You, you’re amazing just the way you are. And, and I know I wont be able to change your mind but, but... I love you. I’ve loved you since the moment I met you. I never wanted you to be any more than you already were because in my eyes you’re amazing. You’re my (Y/N) and I wouldn’t ask for any different.”

You gasped, I mean you knew there was something between you and Tim, but love? He loved you? You cried again, overwhelmed. “Tim, I love you too. I just thought I had to be better, to prove myself to you all, to show that I actually deserved the title of Batgirl.”

“Oh love, if you want to talk to someone about deserving their title, hell talk to me. I’ve struggled with that for years. But I would never, ever tell you to do something like this. You’re so much more than a body. You’re just a beautiful soul, inside and out.”

“God Timmy, you’re such a sap... But you’re my sap. Or, is that okay?”

Tim smiled, leaning his head on your shoulder, “That more than okay.”

The two of you stayed like that for a bit until you were brought back to reality. “Hey Tim...” The teen in question gave a loving ‘hmm?’

“Um, how are we going to get out of this?”

#tim drake #tim drake imagine #dc comics #dc x reader #dc comics imagine #batman x reader #batman imagine #batfamily #batfamily imagine #ryan potter #tim drake x reader #batman

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reidandweep · 4 years

Text

I Know Him

Adam Sackler x Reader

A/N- I love Sackler as a character and wanted to write a character more personal to me. I am on the spectrum myself. I know everyone’s autism is different so don’t take this as characteristics or mannerisms of everyone with autism. These are things I have done, or do, or like. Not everyone is the same. I hope you like the story.

Word Count- 4670 words

Warning- Fluff, Angst, mentions of autism, swearing, manipulative behaviour.

If someone had asked Adam how different his life was now to what it was nearly a year ago, he could not explain how much so. He finally felt as though his life was on track. Successfully booking auditions and work, in the past 6 months alone, Adam had worked in two theatre shows, one even being considered to transition onto Broadway. The people around him was different as well. For the better. There was no more Hannah, no more Jessa, or any of their friends. His sister Caroline had arrived back in the picture. With time and patience, Adam and Laird had slowly helped her get back on track. They had all celebrated Sample’s birthday together and Christmas as a mismatched group.

There were times where he thought he missed Hannah and Jessa, both in different ways, but Adam quickly realised that he missed the physical aspects rather than the relationships he had with them. He was putting himself first for once. It took him a while to get to where he was now, but he had help along the way. Especially from one particular person.

Walking into the diner, Adam gazed over to the empty booth. The diner held patrons here and there. Adam flittered his gaze across the people as he scanned the room. A sudden jerk of movement caught his eye. Turning his gaze to the fourth booth on the right, situated underneath the hand painted letters on the window, Adam saw is usual sight on a Thursday afternoon. She was what Adam could describe as perfect.

Y/N had no idea of the Adam staring at her. With her headphones on, she faintly rocked back and forth, unaware of the movement she was making. This was an everyday occurrence for her, and the people in the diner. This was her routine every Thursday. Thursday was her favourite day. She wore her favourite colour jumper, her h/c styled in her favourite way, and listened to her favourite music. All whilst sitting in her favourite diner eating her favourite choice of food there. Since moving to NYC, Y/N had followed this routine, only falling out of it when a break occurred. She never referred to them as meltdowns or breakdowns because she did not want it to be viewed as negative. She had been made to feel bad about who she was for a long time; she wasn’t going to let it carry on.

Adam watched on as the woman rocked back and forth, adjusting the large white cabled headphones on her head. Chuckling, he continued to watch until a waitress arrived.

“What can I get you hun?”

Adam pulled his gaze from the woman in the booth before him. Clearing his throat, he quickly scanned the menu.

“Can I have scrambled eggs, bacon and toast.”

The waitress wrote down Adam’s order.

“Any drinks?”

“A glass of milk.”

The waitress gave Adam a knowing look before writing down his request.

“That’s eggs, bacon, toast, and milk to drink. I’ll bring it right over.”

The waitress walked away from Adam and towards the fourth booth on the right.

Adam continued to watch from his view by the door.

Out the corner of her eye, Y/N saw a manicured hand on the table. Pausing her music, she slowly pulled her headphones off her ears and around her neck.

Quickly glancing up, she smiled at the sight of Paula.

“Good afternoon Y/N.”

“Good afternoon Paula.”

Adam licked his lip at the sound of her voice. He leaned against the pillar; blatantly eavesdropping.

Even though Y/N ordered the same thing every Thursday, Paula still asked her each week. She appreciated that the woman would help with her routine in the smallest ways.

“And what are you having today?”

As always, she looked at the menu to see her order, even though she had ordered it a hundred times before.

“Can I have the number 16 special please?”

Paula smiled as she wrote down the order in her notebook.

“Coming right up.”

Just as Paula turned to leave, Y/N spoke up once more.

“Is he here yet Paula?”

Paula turned to the young woman and smiled.

“He’s at the door. Right on time.”

Y/N smiled as she turned in the booth. Her smile growing bigger at the sight of her best friend standing at the door.

Adam smiled back. Pushing from the pillar, he walked towards the booth and sat across from Y/N.

Her eyes followed him. The grin never once faltered.

Threading his hands through his hair, Adam pushed back his mop of dark locks.

The pair sat in silence for a moment, choosing to just smile at one another. The silence broke as Y/N couldn’t help but giggle.

“Afternoon Adam.”

“Hi squirt.”

“So, how did your auditions go?”

Y/N leaned forward, placing her head on her clasped hands as she prepared herself to listen to Adam tell her his day. Like everything else on a Thursday, this was part of her routine. It was one of her favourite parts. She didn’t mind how long they spoke for. She didn’t mind if they spoke so long that her other activities were delayed because she was with Adam; her favourite person in the world.

She could remember the day she met Adam clearer than her most vibrant memories. It was the first time in a long time that Y/N had met someone who didn’t see her for her autism, but for herself. She had just moved to NYC after months of explaining to her mother that it was the perfect time for her to venter away from the comforts of home. New York City had been her dream since she was young, but Y/N feared that they would never become a reality because of the fear that held her back and her comfort in her routine at home.

Meeting new people was difficult for her. Y/N found eye contact hard, sometimes even reading people’s expressions was a struggle. She would often have to ask someone what they were feeling during a conversation because she was unsure. Public transport was another feat to get over. But she knew if she did not try, then she would never know.

So, she moved to NYC alone. Found an apartment that she was happy with and started to make it feel like a home. The apartment was filled with her comforts. Posters from movies decorated the walls of her bedroom and living room. Along shelves sat books upon books of adaptions of her favourite films. DVD’s scattered the sparse spaces, as well as, collectable figures filled her room; never leaving their boxes but ordered in a way she could tell you what row and column each one was placed.

Her apartment felt like a home away from home. But the only problem seemed to be her neighbour above. At often times she would hear a mixture of noises from the room. They would range from the sound of things breaking to the overlapping of music and wood being sawed to the constant rocking of a bed. After a few weeks, she had enough, and built up the courage to knock on the stranger’s door. Their conversation hadn’t gone well at first.

They had bickered back and forth and as Y/N was about to leave, Adam had reached out to touch her arm to cease her from doing so; not happy with how the conversation would’ve ended. Well, it caused Y/N to have a minor breakdown, which resulted in Adam consoling her by bringing her to the diner. It weirdly did calm her down. Unfamiliar environments usually stressed her out, but the calming aura of the diner and Adam’s genuine remorse and caring actions ceased her breakdown all together.

That night, they had spent 4 hours and 16 minutes in the diner. She explained to him about her autism and why she reacted the way she did to him touching her arm. Adam, being the forward person that he was, asked all sorts of questions. Y/N asked questions back about why he built at such ungodly hours and smashed things up when he wasn’t building. They both answered truthfully, and for the first time in a long time, Y/N and Adam felt something new and exciting.

The tradition of the diner continued. Nothing could’ve ever change that.

“They said I would hear back in about two weeks, but I don’t know.”

Y/N smiled at Adam, leaning back she sipped at her drink that had arrived as he told her his day.

“Well, no matter what, you did amazing. From when you were practicing the other day, it sounded phenomenal.”

Adam stared at Y/N after her compliment. He wasn’t used to such words directed towards him. Having someone that truly cared.

Y/N had grown on Adam the minute they met. He liked that she admitted when she was wrong but never backed down when she was right. He had become used to her routine, noticing how it slowly adjusted to fit him into the activities and moments she recited in her days. As Y/N worked from home, Adam often venture downstairs to her apartment, to keep her company when he was free. Using the time to practice his lines, read, or even just be in her presence. She was there through the rejection and anger. He worried of how she would react when he was angry, but he had found just being with her helped it disappear.

One particular occasion saw Adam storming into Y/N’s apartment as she just emerged from the shower. Wrapped in just a towel, hair dripping wet, Y/N had no time to feel any discomfort when she saw Adam’s clenched fist and red face. She knew the anger wasn’t directed at her and that he was about to blow; desperately trying hard not to. That’s why he had gone to her apartment; letting himself in with the spare key. He paced the front room. A guttural scream ripping from his throat only to suddenly cease when he felt the sudden presence of a force wrap around his waist. Adam mind instantly cleared from all traces of negative thoughts and his chest had heaved away the rage and anger. Y/N was touching him. She was hugging him. They stood like that for 23 minutes, in complete silence, taking in the moment. Not once did Adam try to touch her back. He respected that she was stepping so far out of her comfort zone to even touch him. Let alone hold him. He was also aware of her lack of clothing and did not want to make her regret her actions by him acting on impulse.

That night brought them closer. It made Y/N more comfortable around Adam. They now hugged each other in greeting and goodbye. They even sometimes held each other when the other was feeling down or had a bad day. Adam always asked before hugging her, even though Y/N had told him he did not need to. The fact he continued to do so made her cheeks blush every time.

“Y/N?”

“Yeah?”

Adam held in his breath. He didn’t want to just blurt anything out. He wanted to think about what he said for once.

“So, we got a number 16 and a plate of eggs, bacon, and toast.”

Paula placed down the plates, smiling at the pair before she wondered away to continue serving.

Y/N smiled in thanks.

Turning back to Adam, she held up a finger.

“Can I wash my hands first? And then you can say what you need.”

Adam nodded her head. He knew if he said no, she would not be comfortable. She always liked to wash them before she touched the utensils.

Y/N thanked him as she walked to the bathroom.

As Adam waited for Y/N, he began to re-arrange her food for her. It had become second nature for him to do this. Taking of the things she didn’t eat and manoeuvring it to his plate, he was unaware of the presence approaching him.

“Adam?”

Adam mumbled under his breath, knowing full well whose voice it was. Putting down his knife and fork, he took in a heavy breath, and turned around.

“The fuck is you doing her Hannah?”

She didn’t look much different from the last time he saw her. Except for the baby bump, which was no longer there. She was alone. No child in sight.

Physically, to Hannah, Adam looked no different either. But there was still something that did not seem the same as before. She just couldn’t figure what.

“I’m here for work. If you’re wondering about the baby-“

“I don’t give a crap.”

“My mother is watching her for me.”

Awkward silence surrounded them.

“I saw Jessa. She said you guys aren’t together anymore. That she hasn’t seen you in over six months.”

Adam looked down at his food, clenching and unclenching his hands.

He looked back up at Hannah.

“Yeah. I realised that I made bullshit decisions when I was surrounded by bullshit people. Any more questions or is that all? Because I have company.”

Hannah gaped at his words, unsure of how to respond.

Y/N exited the bathroom, feeling better now that her hands were thoroughly washed.

Walking up to the table, she saw that Adam was no longer alone. Y/N recognised the woman from pictures she had seen destroyed in Adam’s apartment once. He had been truthful with her. She knew all about Hannah and Jessa. She did not like how they treated Adam.

Y/N took a deep breath. Seeing that her plate was next to Adam’s, her cheeks warmed up at his thoughtfulness. Y/N began to walk back to her seat.

“Excuse me.”

Hannah flicker her head to the interrupting voice. Y/N flittered her eyes around Hannah, trying to keep calm. Hannah stepped back, thinking the woman would merely walk past her and to another table. Shocked enveloped Hannah when Y/N sat down across from Adam.

As Y/N did with most occasions, she blocked out her surroundings. She didn’t like talking to people if she did not need to; especially strangers.

“Can I have my plate please?”

Adam re-directed his glare from Hannah. The harsh look softened as he quickly finished swapping their food, passing Y/N her plate once it was done.

“Thanks Adam.”

Hannah watched silently as Y/N grabbed the jug of milk in the middle of the table, and refilled Adam’s cup.

Adam knew Y/N would not eat until Hannah left. It had taken the girl ages before she ate in front of him. The first time they came to the diner, she sipped a glass of Coke the whole time.

“Like I said, I have company.”

Hannah looked at Adam in disbelief. Her gaze flickered over to Y/N seeing that the woman was tense. Hannah was angry. Angry at Adam. At the woman sitting across from him. At the fact that he looked at her with a different intensity that he had looked at even her or Jessa.

“He’s not who he pretends to be. Whatever perfect image he’s made of himself isn’t true.”

Adam sneered at Hannah.

“Shut the fuck up.”

Hannah glared right back at the brooding man. Why the fuck was he allowed to act like this after all he had put her through?

Hannah turned towards Y/N; her arms tightly crossed in front of her. Y/N refused to look Hannah’s way. Her hands tinkering and moving things on the table until she was happy how it looked. It pissed Hannah off that she did not look her way.

“You know he fucked my best friend. Then when he found out I was pregnant with another guys baby; he dropped her and came running back to me to play house.”

Y/N looked towards Adam. She knew everything. Adam was an honest person. He had told her every single detail about his relationship with Hannah and with Jessa. It took her a few days to talk to him again because she felt so overwhelmed by the information. She thought at first it was because she had never had someone tell her so much about themselves; that she could not stomach some of the events that he had been a part of. But Y/N soon realised that it was because she was in some ways jealous that these two women had such an intimate relationship with Adam; one that she wanted in her own way. Hearing Hannah talk about it confirmed the thought even more. It also confirmed the fact the she did not like Hannah. Whilst Adam was not a saint in his actions either, and Y/N had told him this, he did not deserve the crap he had endured.

“He’s just going to make it out like he’s in whatever kind of relationship you have 100% but he’s not. He will drop you the instant he finds something that he thinks is better. I wouldn’t be surprised if he has already found someone else by now.”

Adam slammed his hand on the table and stood up. His face was bright red, surging from anger, as he strode towards Hannah. Pointing his finger in Hannah’s face, Adam had not felt this angry since he had last seen Jessa.

“I said, shut the fuck up Hannah. Why the fuck is you trying to ruin shit for me? I finally have my shit together and you come in here and try to manipulate the past. Trying to make the one person I care about turn against me. You have a new life. So, why the fuck are you trying to ruin mine?”

The diner was silent. Never had any of the regular customers or workers seen Adam in such a state. Paula glanced across the counter at Y/N, noticing that the girl was visibly shaking from the situation. Y/N tried to regulate her breathing, but it was becoming difficult. The young woman began to rock back and forth, her hands pulling furiously at her wristband; the plastic flicking continuously against her wrist. She felt helpless. Paula knew what to do to help.

Just before Hannah could spit anymore venomous words, Paula cut in.

“Adam. She’s closing.”

Hannah looked at Paula in confusion at her words. However, it was soon replaced with shock as in a flash Adam had steered from leering into Hannah to standing in front of Y/N.

Crouching in front of Y/N, Adam instructed her to breathe deeply in and out.

“Come on squirt, move yourself to face me and copy my breathing, alright?”

Y/N did as Adam instructed. Slowly, she moved her body to Adam’s direction. Adam slowly cupper her face with his hands, looking for any signs that she did not consent to what he was doing. His thumb stroked her cheek as he guided her to slow down her breathing. Y/N focused on his breathes listening to his words of encouragement. The pair were in their own world, unaware of the continuous stares of the patrons and Hannah. The locals of the diner knew Y/N and Adam enough to have seen this happen once or twice before when Y/N felt overwhelmed or stressed or was just not having a good day.

Y/N hated calling the breakdowns or meltdowns; she always referred to them as closing. Because when she felt better, she always opened back up. When Adam first experienced her closing, he felt helpless, and he hated that he had no way to comfort her how she needed. So, with a lot of research and talking to Y/N herself, over the months they had known each other, it had become second nature for Adam to help her out when she was closing. Y/N’s instinct had become to contact Adam if she was alone and felt like she was going to close. He was always there as soon as he could. He had never let her down.

Adam watched as Y/N’s breathing slowed down and the vigorous rocking of her body subsided to being considered a slight sway.

“You’re doing fucking great squirt. Now tell me about our day. What film are we watching tonight?”

Y/N briefly looked up at Adam. In her peripheral vision, she could see Hannah and other people looking. It wasn’t as many as before, but the beading eyes of the woman standing behind Adam made her breathing begin to pick up again. She definitely did not like Hannah.

“Look at me.”

Y/N looked back at Adam. Her eyes flittering across the beauty marks on his face.

“Our day. What does it look like?”

Adam’s hands travelled from her face to rest palms up on her knees, inviting her to hold his hands to stop the plucking of her wristband. Her wrist was welted and red raw. She accepted the invitation, delicately drawing shapes on his palms.

“We are going to kindly ask Paula to put our food in some containers. We are going to go back home…”

Adam could not help the smile on his face as she referred to the going home instead of naming one of their apartments.

Hannah didn’t miss the look on his face either; or Y/N’s words.

“We have to watch a Marvel movie because your auditions went well. We watched Spiderman Homecoming last time, so Thor Ragnarök is next. Then its your turn to pick what we do to finish our day because I picked the movie.”

Adam chuckled.

“Okay that’s the plan. Let’s go and do that.”

Adam stood up from his crouched position. As he turned to call Paula, he realised that Hannah was still standing there. Behind him, Y/N began to put on her coat. Packing her bag with the things she had laid on the table before Adam came.

Adam slowly walked to stand in front of Hannah, watching as the woman looked towards Y/N in disbelief and anger.

“Why did you never care for me like that? Why her?”

Adam threaded his hand through his hair, keeping down his frustration.

“I did Hannah. You were the one that never cared to notice. You never cared back. Neither did Jessa. I always give 100% no matter what. Even when people only gave 20%. Now I have someone in my life who gives 100% back and were not even fucking together. So, imagine if we were? I’d give her everything and more. And you know what?”

Hannah looked at Adam, tears in her eyes, in silence.

“I know she would give me everything back to.”

Adam stepped around Hannah to grab the takeout boxes from Paula. Thanking the waitress, Adam pulled out his wallet, paying her for the meal and leaving his 50% tip as usual.

Walking back around Hannah, Adam walked towards Y/N. Seeing that she was ready to go, he hastily packed up their food. Once he was done, Adam allowed Y/N to lead them outside the diner.

Closing the door behind them, the pair began to walk in silence, in the direction of their apartment. They hadn’t got far before her voice was heard once again.

“You don’t know him like I did. Like I do. Once you found out all the fucked-up shit that he was into and done, you would leave in a second. You’re a fucked-up person Adam. Acting like you care because you helped her out of a panic attack. We all fucking get them. It doesn’t mean you actually care.”

Adam whipped around, ready to give Hannah another mouthful. But before he could step any further, a grip on his arm held him back.

“I know Adam.”

Adam looked behind him at towards Y/N.

“I know trivial things about him that you and many others probably do. Like his love for milk, or his outlet with carpentry, or that he likes to read. But I also know things about him that he doesn’t realise. Like how he has 26 beauty marks on his face. Or that even though he calls romance movies fabricated and full of bullshit, he will still smile when they get their happy ending. I know his favourite colour, his least favourite colour, how he recites monologues he’s learning under his breathe when he is busy with everyday activities. How he has changed his running times in the morning so he arrives back half an hour after I wake up so we can have breakfast together. I also know that in my entire life, I have never cared about someone as much as I do for Adam Sackler. I might not know what he looks like or sounds like when he cums. Or what kinky shit he likes in bed. Or even all of the little details of the drama between you, him, and Jessa; whilst by the way I do know at least 99% of it.”

Hannah’s mouth opened and closed in silence. Adam looked at Y/N in bewilderment and awe.

“But what I know is that, even if everything you said was true, I don’t care. Because I care about him more.”

Sliding her hand down from Adam’s arm, to his hand, Y/N linked their digits together.

“It was lovely meeting you Hannah; but we have a movie to watch.”

Turning around, Y/N pulled Adam in the direction of their apartments. Their hands held tightly together. Hannah did not follow.

They walked in silence the whole way back. Y/N’s thoughts set on the rest of their day, already pushing the encounter with Hannah into the back of her mind. Adam’s own thoughts clouded with the woman holding his hand. He stared as she ascended the stairs. He stared as she opened the door to her apartment, pulling him inside. He continued to stare as she kicked off her shoes and threw her bag and coat on the sofa, moving around the apartment to set up their movie night.

“Can you pass me our food Adam so I can reheat them in the microwave?”

Y/N waited for the reply but never got one. Walking back through her apartment, she saw Adam still in the doorway.

“Are you okay?”

Adam shut the door behind him and walked towards her. Handing over the food, he watched as Y/N busied herself in re-heating it up. Moving to the sofa, Adam pulled off his shoes and got comfortable, waiting for Y/N to return before he hit play. Once she arrived back with their plates of food, Y/N situated herself in her area on the floor, where she always sat to eat. Placing a glass of water in front of her and another glass of milk in front of Adam, she smiled as he said thank you. Gesturing to begin the movie, Y/N began to eat.

As the movie played in the background, Adam looked at the woman in front of him. He knew trivial things about her that many others probably did. Like her love for Dr Pepper, or her love for anything Disney, or that she loves to read. But he also knew things about her that she didn’t realise. Like how she always sat closer to the window because Adam hated the draft it created. Or that even though she loved superhero movies, she still preferred romance because she loves love; even though she had terrible examples of it around her growing up. He knows her favourite colour, her least favourite colour, how she likes her set routine and how it differentiates when he suddenly wants to spend time with her. How she has changed what she makes for breakfast so that Adam is always full after his run. He also knows that he was kidding himself when he thought he had felt strongly for Hannah and Jessa because he feels so much more now. He might not know what she looks like or sounds like when she cums. Or what kinky shit she likes in bed; though he wishes he did. Or even all of the little details of her life before knowing him. But what he does know is that he is in love with her and that she feels something for him too.

#adam sackler #adam driver #adam driver x reader #adam driver imagine #adam sackler imagine #adam sackler x reader #adam sackler girls #adam sackler hbo #adam sackler hbo girls #adam driver imagines #adam sackler imagines

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alipeeps · 3 years

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New tag game: Post pictures of your first ever (fictional/celeb) crush to the latest one and tag five others to continue the game

Thanks to @minmoyu for tagging me and ooof, are you sure you’re ready for this?!! :D I have been around/in fandom for a loooooong time and at first I thought, okay, no way I can list all my crushes, there have been SO many and we’ll be here all day but then as I started compiling a list I found I was having fun reminiscing and decided, what the heck, yeah, let’s do em all... or at least all I can remember! :D

There have absolutely for sure been other more minor crushes and passing fancies along the way, but these are the big ones that I remember (and that, in more recent years, I can track by going through my posted fanfics on AO3 and even *shudder* FFNET and seeing which shows I was into enough to want to write fic about the characters).

[Quick note: with rare exceptions, for actors I am listing them by the character they played rather than just the actor. Whilst there are actors that I like in multiple roles (and conversely, characters who on paper I would normally be into but are played by actors who do nothing for me, and hence the character generally does nothing for me either), for the most part it is the character I really have the crush on.]

I’m going to put this under a readmore cos it has gotten ridiculously long:

So... without further ado:

1. MORTEN HARKET from a-ha - OKay so, dating myself badly here but... I had the *biggest* crush on Morten Harket when I was a teenager. Pretty much the entirety of my side of the bedroom I shared with my sister was covered in posters of a-ha, and Morten in particular. I even had a heart-shaped Morten Harket pillow! :D I loved a-ha’s music (still do!) and I wanted to go see them in concert when I was 14 but my parents wouldn’t let me (*sob*). I did finally get to see them in concert in the early 2000s and they were BRILLIANT live (and Morten was still very very pretty)!

2. RICHARD DEAN ANDERSON as MACGYVER - MacGyver is the first tv character I remember being really into and having a crush on, to the extent that I would record episodes of the show off the tv (onto VHS tape - yes, I am *that* old!) so that I could rewatch them (especially the ones where he got hurt - yeah, I was a whumper even then! :D)

3. KEIFER SUTHERLAND - One of my rare exceptions. I think I first saw him in Lost Boys (and loved him in that film) but it was his role as Doc Scurlock in Young Guns that really made me fall for both the character and him. I definitely remember seeking out any and all films he was in and buying any magazine he was interviewed in (and knowing far more facts about him than was probably healthy! :D) and even drawing a fanart portrait of him. :)

4. KYLE MACLACHLAN as SPECIAL AGENT DALE COOPER - I remember hearing about Twin Peaks before it started airing in the UK and it sounded so different and interesting... I watched it from the very first episode and very quickly developed a crush on Coop.

5. BRENT SPINER as DATA - I think ST: TNG had been airing for a while before I stumbled across it but I quickly became hooked and Data was my favourite character right from the start. I definitely remember at one point buying an (unofficial) episode guide book so that I could look up which episodes were good Data-focused ones (especially ones where he got hurt! :D) so I could go out and buy the videos that had those episodes on (at the time the show was available to buy on VHS-tape with 2 episodes on each tape).

6. DAVID DUCHOVNY as FOX MULDER - Another show that I heard the buzz about and started watching right from the start and, like so many others, I immediately developed a crush on the snarky, enigmatic, troubled FBI agent with the weird name. The X-Files was the first show I ever tried writing (one, never-finished) fanfic for.

7. PAUL GROSS as BENTON FRASER - Man, Due South was such a good show! It was so quirky and clever and funny and Benton Fraser, with his huge heart and his serious demeanour and his gorgeous blue eyes, was just so darn attractive! He also got whumped a fair bit too! :D Due South was also the show that introduced me to the music of Sarah McLachlan (I was enough of a fan that I bought the show soundtrack on CD).

8. HUGH LAURIE as DR GREGORY HOUSE - This was a bit of an odd one for me because I had grown up knowing Hugh Laurie solely as a comedian/comic actor, known mostly for playing buffoons and genial idiots. And suddenly here he was with stubble, an American accent, and a limp, and he was hawt AF! :D It caused quite the feedback loop in my brain for a while which pretty much went “Wow, House is hot.... but it’s Hugh Laurie... but he’s hot... but it’s HUGH LAURIE!!1!”

I *loved* House (the first few seasons, at least) and oof a character with persistent pain (and a self-destructive streak a mile wide!) was a whumper’s dream. House was the first show for which I wrote - and published online - completed fanfics.

8. JOE FLANIGAN as JOHN SHEPPARD - Stargate Atlantis was my first proper online fandom, the first show I prolifically and repeatedly wrote fanfic for, and the first time I ever met in person an actor I was a big fan of (and while the show was still airing, to boot!). It was also my first introduction to the online community of whumpers! A bunch of us from the Shep Whump thread on Gateworld heard that Joe was going to be at a convention in London and we decided to book hotel rooms and meet up and go to the convention together and it was AWESOME! I can still remember seeing Joe *in person* for the first time and just,,,, struggling to believe he was actually here, in person, in front of me! He was super super lovely and humble too and took time to chat to everyone at the signing table and I clearly remember my brain just pretty much fritzing out during the photo session and being intensely aware of the sensation of Joe’s hand on my shoulder....

It was also super lovely to meet fellow fans, and online friends, in person for the first time and we had so much fun, and it kickstarted me going to lots of other conventions, including specific Stargate/SGA ones where I got to know lots of other lovely fans and online friends. I’ve met Joe about 4 or 5 times in total now and he’s been lovely every time.

9. PAUL BLACKTHORNE as HARRY DRESDEN - Gosh I loved the shortlived tv adaptation of The Dresden Files. I loved the fantasy aspect, the stories, the humour, and I especially loved Harry Dresden and how often he got whumped! :D

10. DAVID TENNANT as THE 10TH DOCTOR - I had watched the Christopher Ecclestone revival of Doctor Who and enjoyed it well enough but I can clearly remember watching David Tennant’s first episode as The Doctor - on Christmas Day, at my brother-in-law’s house - and being aware, as I watched it that... ooookay, yes, I’m in trouble here... I like him... I like him a lot... :D I mean, I’m sure the fact that he got whumped so thoroughly in his very first episode had nothing to do with how quickly I fell for him... right? :)

11. ALEX O’LAUGHLIN as MICK ST JOHN - Another show that ended far too soon and just as it was getting *seriously* good. But also a prime example of my point about having a crush on the character not the actor. I looooooved Alex as Mick St John... and yet in Hawaii 5.0 he pretty much does nothing for me (the character is too stoic and the whump often too unrealistically glossed over). Anyway, in Moonlight he was my favourite kind of character - angsty, brooding, dangerous AF when he needed to be... and essentially immortal so you could whump the heck out of him and he’d recover so you could whump him again! :D

12. SIMON BAKER as PATRICK JANE - There is so much to love about Patrick Jane... his smarts, his sass, his angst... and Simon is a rare “against type” blonde crush for me (you may have noticed by now that most of my crushes follow a similar physical aesthetic - tall, slim/wiry, and dark-haired) and again here I think my crush is almost all to do with the character rather than the actor.

12. BENEDICT CUMBERBATCH as SHERLOCK HOLMES - I’m almost ashamed to admit it, given the clusterfuck that both the show and its fandom became, but in the earlier seasons I had quite the crush on Benedict’s Sherlock (and okay, a little bit on Benedict himself - I did definitely enjoy some of his other roles too). It helps that I was already a huge fan of the Sherlock Holmes character (I’ve read all the stories and novels multiple times and was a big fan of the Granada adaptation starring Jeremy Brett - whose Holmes would definitely count as one of my more minor/passing crushes) already. Benedict is another crush that I have met in person, at a (actually, the first!) Sherlock convention and he was lovely in person - very genuine, very articulate and thoughtful.

13. TOM MISON as ICHABOD CRANE - I was excited for Sleepy Hollow as soon as I heard about it and I was SUCH a fan for the first couple of seasons (before TPTB completely destroyed it and it inevitably got cancelled (I didn’t even watch the last season and a half)) and Tom’s Ichabod (and his amazing chemistry with Nicole’s Abbie) was a large part of why. I also quickly became a big fan of Tom himself as he came across as so witty and self-deprecating and *fun* in all the behind the scenes/convention clips etc. I was lucky enough to also meet Tom at a convention and he genuinely is that witty and charming and lovely.

14. TOM WISDOM as ARCHANGEL MICHAEL - I think Dominion was possibly the first show that I got sucked into by seeing whumpy gifsets on tumblr! :D It was such a great show and also to date the most immersive, welcoming, cast-and-crew-interactive fandom I have ever been in. The cast and crew regularly live-tweeted the episodes, and interacted with fans on Twitter, and it was SO much fun. And Tom’s Michael was my favourite character right from the start - seemingly aloof but so much going on under the surface... and some really nice whump, especially in season 2! I was heartbroken when it was cancelled after only 2 seasons (and just as the plot was getting *really* interesting).

15. OLIVER JACKSON-COHEN as LUCAS - I was hooked on Emerald City right from the first episode. It was visually stunning, so atmospheric, and really intruiging. I love love loved Adria Arjona’s Dorothy (ngl, I had a bit of a crush on her too) and she and Lucas together were just... *chef’s kiss*. I mean... what an introduction to a character... she finds him crucified, bleeding, his wrists tied with barbed wire, and amnesiac.... and the whump only gets better and better from there on in! Like the entire first two episodes are just... Lucas whump! :D And his devotion to her... Emerald City was honestly the first show where I really got into a ship. I was *invested* in Dorcas, dammit! Aaaand sadly another excellent show that never made it past its first season.

16. JASON RALPH as QUENTIN COLDWATER - Another show that I watched right from the start, was heavily invested in.... and that the writers absolutely tanked and destroyed in later seasons. *cries* Quentin was such a brilliant viewpoint character for the show and I loved his awkwardness, and his angst, and his enthusiasm, and his adorable floppy hair... and how often he got whumped!

17. COLIN MORGAN - I fell for Colin in Merlin (which I stumbled upon late, long after it had finished airing, and hence was able to binge-watch the entire 5 seasons!) and liked him enough to seek out his other works, such as The Fall, and Humans, and The Living and the Dead, and he was brilliant (and very pretty) in all of them... and his characters also seem to get whumped quite a lot! :D

18. MATT LANTER as WYATT LOGAN - Wyatt was another of my favourite archetypes... absolutely badass and competent... but also tortured and angsty and capable of intense devotion. Another show that I watched because of whumpy gifs on tumblr and the second ever show where I actually got invested in a ship - Lyatt all the way, baby!! :D - aaaaaand yet another show cancelled before its time.

19. NOCTIS LUCIS CAELUM from FINAL FANTASY XV - my very first video game crush! I was recommended to play FFXV by fellow whumpers on the whumpshire discord because it was whumpy... and they were not wrong and I loved the game and I absolutely adored Noctis. FFXV is one of very very VERY few video games that I have actually played right through to the end. And possibly the only video game that has ever affected me to such an extent... I became so invested in the characters and their world and I actually found the last couple of chapters really hard to play because it was actually upsetting me emotionally. I had to take a break for a couple of weeks before I could go back and finish it!

20. CONNOR from DETROIT BECOME HUMAN - and from there I jumped straight into another video game crush! DBH was another game recommended to me for its whump potential and I, and many others, immediately fell in love with the quirky, sassy, self-sacrificing (if you play the game right!) “android sent by Cyberlife”. The game itself is really good too... although, I have tried to play through all the different endings to the story but have never yet managed to make myself play the machine Connor storyline.... I want to complete all the story branches... but I also just want Hank and Connor to be friends and to be happy! :D

21. ZHU YILONG - Ahhh... the beginning of the asian drama arc of my fandom life! I first came across Zhu Yilong after getting sucked into watching Guardian because of pretty (and whumpy) gifs on tumblr... and I’ve never looked back. He is one of the rare entries where I am pretty much guaranteed to like him in pretty much anything he does and my crush extends beyond Shen Wei, or his other characters, and into reblogging his fashion shoot photos, and keeping up with news of his work in general. He’s just... so darn pretty! And also so... blur! :D And the behind the scenes stuff and interviews of him with Bai Yu, during the Guardian era, just made me fall for him all the more. He’s also ridiculously talented - not only a fantastic actor, but a really good singer (I love his singing voice), he plays guitar and piano, and he can paint too!!

He’s also pretty much what made me start learning Chinese... because after Guardian I went seeking his other dramas to watch... only to find that many of them are only partially, or not at all, subbed. So I thought... why not try learning Chinese and then I’ll be able to watch his other shows? :D

21. JI CHANG WOOK - My first kdrama crush, and what a good one to start with! Healer was the first drama I ever watched and can you blame me for falling for JCW... especially when I followed up Healer with The K2?! I’ve liked him in pretty much everything I’ve watched him in. Although I do wish he would go back to doing more action-based shows as he is sooo good at them... but he seems to prefer the romcom genre these days, which is something I am nottt always a fan of tbh.

22. JAKE HSU as MENG SHAO FEI - Yet another show that I got sucked into by tumblr - and also one with a great, fun fandom through which I met lots of lovely people who I still follow/am mutuals with to this day. I just *adored* Jake’s character in History and I also loved the ship - Tang Fan and Meng Shaofei were awesome and adorable together and I was totally invested in both the ship and the gangster/cop/what happened years ago story happening alongside the ship. And Jake is just all kinds of cute.

23. XIAO ZHAN - Aaaand we are pretty much up to current day now... where The Untamed took over my life in the summer of 2019 and has yet to let me go. Xiao Zhan is another disgustingly talented human being - a fantastic singer and a really good actor, and also an artist - and he also just comes across as a genuinely sweet and charming person, and a very thoughful and earnest one too. And lbr he is ridiculously pretty, and his smile is just pure sunshine.

24. LEE DONG WOOK as LEE YEON - The most recent entry to the charts.... a Korean actor I was aware of but whose work I hadn’t watched and whose looks didn’t particularly seem to grab me... until I watched Tale of the Nine Tailed and fell head over heels for Lee Yeon (and daaayum does red hair suit LDW!!) and very quickly began to find LDW’s looks very appealing (and oh my, does Lee Yeon whump well!!). And yes, I have now started watching Goblin. :D

Phew! Aaaand we are done! I’ll admit, I did think of a few more as I was compiling this list but I decided to categorise them as more “minor” crushes and not include them... otherwise we really could be here all day!!

I’m going to tag: @sarah-yyy, @arlothia, @howdydowdy, @thepromiseweheldforlife and @the-wandering-whumper!

#meme #fandom #crushes

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hideawayintheimaginationworld · 4 years

Text

I am Machine: Chapter 12

It was going to be a tomb for him, for the others. He didn’t know how long he had been in this darkness, he was looking around, it was a sea of cries for help that were unanswered, it made Alec uncomfortable in the sense this was like a graveyard, he noticed some of these Lonely Freddy's were quiet and very still, it appeared they died.

It was dawning on him now that would most likely happen to him, to the rest of them, they would die and no one would realise they died.

That would be the end of his story.

Trapped forever with no escape.

This place was a wasteland just about.

Suddenly Alec heard something from outside, his eyes looked up, he heard something rattle.

Light poured in as the lid was lifted up, Alec wondered if someone else was being thrown in, but instead, he saw a man peer in, he made a disgusted face but reached in with his gloved hands, something unexpected was happening.

The man was grabbing some of the Lonely Freddy's and pulling them out, Alec was unsure why that was happening, disposing of them with fire or something?

The last one was grabbed..... Was Alec.

He was shocked the man lend down, reaching his hand down and grabbed his wrist, lifting him out, Alec was exposed to daylight again, which made his eyes slightly hurt, he blinked away irritation and looked around.

Alec was placed in a cardboard box among the other random five that seemed to be chosen. He watched the man pull a key from his pocket and re-locked the dumpster.

The man then stepped over and lifted up the box, walking away with the box, Alec looked to the direction he was walking and saw he was walking back inside the pizzeria, the door open. It suddenly occurred to Alec at that moment.

“Hey! I'm not a Freddy! Can you help me??” He spoke.

The man seemed to not hear him, Alec was positive he spoke as loud as he possibly could, he thought it was still possible he couldn’t talk, none of the other Lonely Freddy's next to him seems to talk.

Alec watched the man take the box into a strange room, a room with several desks, locked cabinets, and another man there, working on a robot that Alec vaguely remembered.

The robot was sitting on the desk, both eyes black and vacant, with the appearance of a bear that looked different to Freddy, its fur was black, Alec saw a red hat and bowtie on his neck, he tried to recall his name but it didn’t come to him in that time.

The man put the cardboard box down on one desk and went to tap the other man on the shoulder.

The one working on the black bear stopped and turned to the man, “Oh Wayne, you got them as I asked?” The man asked.

Wayne had nodded and pointed to the box. He stopped working and walked to the box, he peered in and pointed his finger at each one, “Six... I'm honestly so angry that bloody employees like Mel, Terry and Garry think it's okay to throw them out when they start acting strange, seriously I can fix them in a jiffy!”

“What? Were you talking just now?”

Alec noticed that tone spoke quite emotionless.

The man who looked at them turned back to Wayne, “I was just talking to myself, Wayne! You know how I am... You can go now if you want!”

Was that guy Wayne deaf? Is that why he couldn’t hear him?

Wayne had walked off, the man turned and shook his head, “I’m telling Mike about this, it's ridiculous! These things still work they're just... A bit filthy... Suppose I'm cleaning up... Lefty can wait for a while... I can’t understand his requirements...” He looked at Alec, “Great, stale vomit... Well, I guess I need to soak and scrub you up.”

He pulled on white gloves and lifted Alec up like a toddler, Alec kept absolutely still as he removed from the box. He saw the man had a name tag and read it.

Benedict.

Must be a mechanic of some sort, he was repairing that bear in the room.

Alec was put into a bucket, Benedict pulled off the black hat on his head and yanked off the bowtie, he looked up to see Benedict had grabbed a white bottle, he then splashed something on his head, he had to resist the urge to shiver at how cold it felt.

Benedict then started scratching at his head then moved it further down, at that moment Alec realised this was some sort of strange bath, Benedict was scrubbing a special soap mixture into the fur.

After a few minutes of scrubbing and manipulating his “body” in strange ways, Benedict sat him down in the bucket.

“Alright, need to leave you for a few minutes, let that set in.”

When Benedict looked away, Alec looked at the “hands” he had now which were covered in soapy bubbles.

He was not going to get used to the fact that this wasn’t a nightmare.

“Oh no, this one hasn't got an eye, like you huh Lefty?”

The man was talking to himself, kind of stupid but Alec didn't make that judgement known.

Alec heard the door open.

“Hey Benny!”

“Hi, Jeremy!”

Someone else entered the room.

“How long until Lefty can be back on stage?”

“I've set his systems to reboot.... He should be up and about within.... It says 10 minutes...”

“Good.... Good....”

“I'm also fixing up some of these discarded Lonely Freddy's...”

“Oh god, the staff are finding stupid reasons to dispose of them... I know some do stop working but about 40% of them can be fixed.”

Is that why Alec and some of the others had been picked out? They were going to be put back out in the pizzeria? Alec suddenly had awful flashes of toddlers pulling on his limps like a toy, he hated how he was treated by them... But he guessed this was how they treated every Lonely Freddy.

“Hey, Jeremy... I wanted to ask... About the policy of co-workers dating?”

“Well... Just as long as it doesn’t interfere with work... Why?” He asked.

“I'm interested in asking out Lewis.... I've been told he has had male partners before... So I feel less anxious about asking him out.”

“Well go ahead and ask Mr Music Man if you can duet.”

Alec kind of tuned the conversation, he was thinking about what would be next, he couldn't see a future where he went home at this point unless he did something to make it known he wasn't a Lonely Freddy.

“I will! When I get a second...”

“Don't make that second so long... It might be likely Lewis could find another love interest if you don't pluck up the courage to ask him!”

“Yes... Yes... I know....”

“I was told we had a ripped Yarg Foxy a week ago? Was it fixed up?”

“Yep, fixed it in 10 minutes for a sweet little girl named Hazel, she was so polite and talkative! I rarely get to talk with children when I'm working... She was slightly upset though, about her older brother she told me, his name was... Um... Alex... No, it was Alec, yes Alec was his name. I felt bad for her, clearly, this Alec character doesn't realise he has an amazing sister. Apparently, she wanted the toy for him.”

Alec felt ashamed of himself, for everything, not just that, but for so many other countless things. Hazel just wanted to be his friend and he was too stupid and paranoid to see that, he thought they were a problem but he was the problem.

“Fan of Foxy, I'm not surprised, most boys like Foxy.”

“Well, he's cool. I like the original though, I mean.. Rockstar Foxy is good but the original was amazing.”

“I understand what you mean, Mike is a fan of Foxy also. I see him usually looking at the pictures from back in the day, he uses to work as the nightshift in one of the original places years ago...”

“Kids go nuts over Foxy....”

Alec slowly stood up, peering out of the bucket, he saw Benedict and Jeremy having a conversation, this body appeared to move easier now, his movements were stiff before but he found now they were much better, it was like his self conscious had adjusted to this body, which he admittedly didn't want to adapt to a body that wasn't his and would never be his.

He saw the bear on the desk slightly moved his hand.

“Anyway, I need to go start working, have a good day!” Jeremy smiled and left.

Benedict nodded, he had turned his head one way then turned back.

“Hello there! You still work little guy?”

He was talking to Alec, no doubt, his eyes were on him, Benedict walked over to him, “I bet being in that dumpster was pretty scary huh? Dark place...”

Was he searching for a conversation? Alec didn’t feel like talking honestly, he knew this guy wouldn't treat him as a human.

“Let's wash the soap off, I think the smell should be gone by now....”

Benedict pushed Alec down so he was sitting in the bucket again. He then abruptly splashed cold water on him.

“Cold!!!” Alec screeched unintentionally nearly jumping out of the bucket.

“Sorry cold water is the best...” Benedict lifted him out.

Not too long after, he had been dried off and placed on the desk.

“Alright... Let's try some basic tests, Hello there!”

“Hello?” Alec responded sounding unsure, he did actually hear his voice and Benedict seem to react, frowning when he spoke.

“Why does its voice sound so peculiar?..... Eye colour is also incorrect...” Benedict asked, “Okay, try this... Tell me who you are.”

Alec looked around, a bit uncomfortable, he couldn’t understand anything, he was in a strange place in a strange body.

“What's wrong?”

“Why did I do what I did? I made a mess of everything...”

Benedict looked even more confused, “How did you, Fred?”

Hearing that name made Alec nearly cry, it was like he lost his identity as a person and had become a mindless machine, “I'm not Freddy!!!” He shouted not wanting to hear the name ever again.

“Benedict! We need help immediately!!”

Benedict got up from his seat and left the room.

Alec looked around this place, he thought about Benedict's confusion, he sees me as factory reject probably, he thought, starting to feel sick.

“I’m watching you, demented little bear your days are numbered.”

Alec shivered, he was supposed to be alone, who just spoke then?

He looked around and his eyes fell on that black bear who had somehow moved his head towards him, his eyes were black voids but he seem to stare straight at him.

Impossible! He thought, These things can’t move on their own accord! Somebody must be controlling it!!

The bear just stared at him, Alec had the strangest feeling, a sinking gut feeling like this robot should be avoided. Alec got off the desk, and ran outside the room, he turned to make sure the robot wasn’t following him, but he hadn’t turned back in time and he hit directly into something.

“What the? What’s your hurry?”

Alec had smacked into one of the robots, he looked up, oh god it looked so much more bigger and scary than it should.

And it was Chica he struck, she wasn’t even a threatening animal!

Alec wanted this nightmare to end! But there didn’t seem to be an end in sight!

“What's going on?” Freddy had approached them, and with that, Alec was outnumbered.

“This one ran into me. Dunno why, they don’t run,” Chica replied.

“Maybe we’ll ask Lefty about it... can you come with me for a minute?”

Alec wanted to say no, but he just shook his head. He was gripped by fear and being outnumbered wasn't helping.

“Why does this one have green eyes?”

“Lefty!” Chica yelled out.

Alec didn’t like the idea of being around these robots, they had looked around with their eyes away long enough that Alec ran off from their view, he saw the door to the back rooms was open so he ran though there, he decided at that moment no one would see him ever again if they couldn't see who he really was.

“...I thought the voice was you, but it sounded very different.... I was scared of you... But I’m not scared of you anymore...”

“I’m glad to know that Alec, because I’m not scary... I was built to help kids, not give them nightmares.”

“This still.... is kind of like a nightmare... it feels like one... but I can’t wake up.”

“I think reality can sometimes be the worse sort of nightmare, because you can’t wake up from it.”

“That's.... that’s really true actually...”

They both heard thunder, Lefty looked up at the celling, the garage was unlit but his eye and Alec's eyes had reacted and turned into a beam of light, it was like a flashlight beacon of yellow and green, the feature was useful to see. Lefty looked slightly irritated by the sound, “Dam it that bloody storm is not letting up... It's probably well pass midnight now...”

“Lefty?”

“What is it?”

“I’m actually scared that I can’t go back,” Alec admitted.

“I know it's really scary... Just know whatever comes next... I’ll help you, whether that be talking to your parents, or even confronting Lonely Freddy.”

“I see both of those as bad ideas honestly.”

“We need to keep all the options open at this time... I am aware Lonely Freddy will not give up without a fight and I hate to imagine what could happen if you accidentally get caught up... as I said... if he realised you were still alive and there is a chance he can be stopped, he would want to kill you... I have little doubt he is beneath killing... but I will protect you from him.”

Alec's ears lowered, “I... I want my life back... this isn’t what I want.”

Lefty gently ruffled the patch of fur on his head, “Rest assured, I'm not letting Lonely Freddy get away with what he did... I know the body you are in feels like a cage but I will break this curse, your story is not over and I will help you fight for your happy ending.”

Lefty has vowed to help Alec get a better ending....

To be Continued...

First Chapter | Previous | Next

#five nights at freddy's #fazbear frights #Lonely Freddy #I am Machine Story #I am Machine—AU #FNAF Alec #Lefty #FNAF Lefty #FNAF Benedict #FNAF Jeremy #Cameo from Rockstar Freddy and Chica #Lefty being reassuring to Alec during his difficult time #FYI: Lefty definitely didn't talk to Alec when he was in the workshop.... that was somebody else.#I'm also experimenting with linking to the previous and first chapters #Alright I'm done for the day time for bed

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lakkimi · 3 years

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[TRANS] K-Pop Pia Vol.10 (2020) “2019 FNC KINGDOM -WINTER FOREST CAMP” part 2/2 - interview with Jaejin

"You have to work super hard!", something that has become his motivation

Lee Jaejin will follow Lee Hongki, FTISLAND’s vocalist, to enlist on January 21. In FTISLAND, he is in charge of the bass, subvocals, and recently, composing too. (t/n: I don’t know what they meant with “recently”, Jaejin started writing for FTISLAND with I Believe Myself and that was back in 2009. He started composing for FTISLAND with Yume, and that was in 2011.) has finally released his own songs, 3 months before he makes his enlistment, through his first solo mini album, Scene.27.

Jaejin presented us with a world unique to him, a world of music that is different than that of FTISLAND’s. Using Jazz as the basis, his songs are filled with warmth and softness, the way that he as person is.

There were barely any chances for us to visit him for an interview during his tour to commemorate the release of his album, but we were finally able to visit his waiting room in Nagoya concert hall for his solo mini live and listen to his story. Starting with the release of his album, Scene.27 and following up with his solo live, we made an approach to Lee Jaejin’s artistry.

In KINGDOM, he still holds on to his belief that FT is still the best.

――This issue will be an FNC FAMILY exclusive, so we would like to talk about KINGDOM first. As one of the performers, is there anything that you look forward to?

First of all, I am looking forward to meet the FNC family after a long time. We don’t really have that many chances to meet like this. And when we do get to perform together, I could only think of “as expected, we are still the best!” (laughs) Hongki hyung always said, “I don’t wanna do KINGDOM”, but when we started to perform, his gaze would change. For us, we also look forward to perform together with CNBLUE, our good rivals. However, they still can’t beat us of course, at least for us, huhuhu, sorry CN (laughs)

――Ho! As expected of FNC’s first artists! What about the collaboration stages?

I like that we get to have many collaborations and perform together. I like stages where I can show my colors properly, and the experience of performing with members of the other teams is precious, that I think it would be nice to have more of this. This time, FTISLAND will have less power as Hongki isn’t here, but our juniors that sing well (N.Flying’s Seunghyub, Hweseung) have come to help, and N.Flying have also come to help to be my back band for my solo stages. I am looking forward to that. I am busy thanks to FTISLAND and my solo. (smiles).

As a soloist, it is the most important to be able to show how much I enjoy music

――Please tell us more about your solo album and tour. You have just finished your Tokyo concert. You previously said that “the completion of an album is its concert”, but in reality, how was it to be able to sing live in front of fans?

I was nervous (laughs). At first, after completing FTISLAND’s FIVE TREASURES TOUR with its encore concert “ARIGATO”, I wanted to take and dedicate some time to prepare and perfect the (solo) concert. However, suddenly I had to take over the I Loved You musical from Hongki hyung, so I had to manage doing the musical (in Korea) at the same time as my mini live in Japan. I still had preparations for the mini live, and there were things that didn’t go as well as I wished, but I was happy that I was able to perform at the musical. I worked hard on the preparations on my own, but when I did my first solo live in Tokyo, there were staffs and fans who put in so much efforts to help me, I thought one again, “ahh I have this many fans..”, “I can’t just let it be like this!”, “I have to crazily work hard for this!”, I was incredibly motivated. “Let’s do this!”, and that’s how I have become so much ambitious now. (laughs)

――I’m looking forward to it (smiles). You seemed really nervous during your first live in Tokyo?

On the first day, there were so many things that were unexpected to me. I have always performed as a band, but this time, I am performing a solo. That’s why, there are so many things that I didn’t know about. Not only that I had to change my singing techniques, but also how to center the sound that came through the in-ear monitors, a lot of details that had to be done differently. That’s why, no matter how many times that you did rehearsals, when the actual audience came in, unexpected things still bound to happen. So whenever I felt that I did a mistake, I would feel really nervous because of that. Especially, in the first concert, when I started singing, my voice came out too loud that I was surprised myself. And that’s why I became really nervous suddenly (laughs). I knew clearly that if I feel troubled by it from early on, it will just follow me around to the end, but I couldn’t shake off the feeling that I just wanted it to be the best.

――I could feel that by the night performance, you were already more relaxed.

Yes. I have been around for 12 years, I have an excellent adaptability (laughs). From now on too, I hope that I would be better and better in every concert.

――Jaejin is a bassist, but during your solo live, you only touched your bass once, during the Polar Star performance. How did it feel to perform without bringing along your bass?

As expected, I feel safer if I bring my bass~ (laughs). I have been doing live performances for 10-ish years which made me develop singing while playing my bass pose, so now that I have to sing without bringing along my bass, something just felt wrong to me. Even more, I was already too used to being in the position to support Hongki hyung, so it felt unfamiliar and strange that I was in the position to lead the band and everyone. As FT’s bassist, I have developed the mindset to play and have fun on my own, but now, not only that I have to be the main vocal, it had just been brought into my attention that it is important that I develop a good rapport with the audience as well. I wanted to apply this right away to my next live performances, but now that I have to enlist first, I guess it would have to wait (laughs).

Now that I have tried out being the main vocal, I could see the efforts that Hongki hyung put in.

――What kind of image that you want to show as a soloist?

I am still a rookie soloist, so I think that my top priority for now is to show what is it that I’m doing properly. That’s why, nowadays, I’m learning how solo artists engage the audience in the fun. I’ve been watching foreign R&B solo artists’ live these days. What I learned from there, is that they all instead of actively telling the audience “what”, they actually put importance on thoroughly enjoying the show themselves. I think they were so mature and cool, I want to do it like them too. Indeed, it’s also something that differentiate it with a band too. In a band, it is important to be able to harmonize, but as a soloist, you only need to 100% focus on yourself, I feel that it is important that you can show how much you enjoy the stage yourself.

――After trying out being a main vocal singing by yourself on stage, is there anything that you have come to realize in regards to Hongki as FTISLAND’s main vocal?

I have come to realize... a lot of things. In regards to doing recording for example, as I already said before, all this time, my responsibility has always been to support. But using the same singing methods as a main vocal, it actually turned out too weak, it just didn’t turn out well. In FTISLAND, Hongki and I not only have different vocal style, but we also hold different roles. I have been doing music for 12-ish years, but as expected, it is hard to be the main vocal.

――Then, how did you overcome it, being a main vocal?

I’m doing something that I really have never done, so I shared my worries with Hongki hyung who has a whole lot more experience on this, and I tried out a lot of different things too with him. However, he then had to go enlist (laughs) However, now that I have given this a try, I got a little more sense of responsibility. The responsibility not only to support, but also to lead. Once more, I feel how Hongki hyung is amazing.

――As expected, Hongki! like that (laughs)

That’s right (laughs). We also did musical practices together, and I asked him a lot of things like what has he been doing all this time (for the musical). I have come to know things like, “Ah Hongki hyung was doing something like this at that time..” or “Ah Hongki hyung has been working hard on this” that made my respect for him grew. I couldn’t help but to wish Hongki hyung for more strength as there were things that actually were too bothersome (laughs) but Hongki hyung put so much efforts into them - and he knows it himself too, that’s why he has such a great confidence in his singing.

――Ah, I also felt the same about Hongki when he became the vocal trainer in Produce 48.

Right? For Hongki hyung, 3/4 (of his talent) is something that he got naturally (laughs) but the other 1/4 is hard work that I didn’t know he put in until now.

――How would you like to advance as Jaejin, a vocalist?

I feel that being a vocalist is a new thing to me. I feel like I am starting over as a rookie. I am happy that I also get to do a musical during this rookie phase. I learned a lot from these people who are vocal experts. I also found out a lot of things that I want to fix, it turned out to be such a great experience. It also gave me a lot of motivation to advance myself.

――You are doing your musical while also doing your tour simultaneously, but I feel that your throat is doing just well.

No, it’s not well at all.

――I didn’t know.

Is that so? That’s a relief then.

Through FTISLAND and solo, I want to try out different characters.

――To sing the songs from your album live, are there any changes that you made from the original version?

I made some changes to Love Like The Films and Oasis. I sang Love Like The Films more softly when I did the recording, but for my live, if I sing it the same way, the sound of the band will overpower my voice. That’s why I sang it more strongly in the live. For Oasis, because it’s a cool sounding song, I thought that it would be better to arrange it more cleanly and tightly for the live performance, that’s why I made a bit of changes to the sound. I think it is just right to have the recording and the live versions sound differently.

――You also did the arrangement for FTISLAND’s live too, but for your solo live, what kind of arrangement that you had in mind?

If want my concert this time to have the mood of the album Scene.27. I said, let’s make it Jazz and ballad sounding.

――Among them, there is FT.Triple’s Love Letter, it made think of the old times.

That’s right. I also sang it after a long time. Fans were like “Oh! Love Letter?!” (laughs).

――Why did you select this song to be included in your first solo live?

It’s also one of the challenges that I took upon. I can’t do FT.Triple anymore now in FTISLAND, but it’s one song that is most well known with my voice as the main one, so I thought that it is a good opportunity to bring it back.

――You also did Polar Star, the song that Hongki said “I’m not gonna do it”.

Everyone likes it, right? I like it too, as it is a song that gives you the feeling of hope. As Hongki hyung already said no to performing it, I’m doing it instead (laughs).

――How was it, singing an FTISLAND song as your own?

I only played my bass for the Polar Star stage, and the fact that I sang it while playing the bass gave me the FTISLAND song feeling. It felt like I sang to support Hongki hyung, so it was like the feeling of meeting someone after a long time. I am working hard for my solo, but as expected, I want to be able to perform as FTISLAND again as soon as possible. Doesn’t everyone feel the same way?

――That’s right, that’s right. As I watched your Polar Star stage, I felt that, indeed, Jaejin is the best when playing bass.

Well, it can’t be helped. It’s something that I have been doing in the past 10 years (laughs).

――As we all miss the you that is playing bass, what about making a song that you can sing while playing bass?

No no no. The way that is used to catch the rhythm for bass and for vocals is different, so it is hard to play bass while singing the melody. That’s why I chose to not play bass during my solo live this time around. Adding to that, as Scene.27 has Jazz and R&B underlying to it, even just playing the bass is already hard, so to do both, for me it would be impossible~ (laughs) Indeed, I’m presenting different characters as FTISLAND and as a soloist.

When we tune in to each other in FTISLAND, I am just too focused that I can’t remember anything else.

I am working hard as a soloist, but indeed, I want to perform as FT again as soon as possible!

――As you embarked on your live tour, was it able to make you look back on the Scene.27 album?

I still don’t have a clear map on this, but I am starting to have a bit of direction that I want for my next album. For my next one, I have a certain music style that I want to try, as lately I have been listening to it.

――What direction is it to be exact?

It would still be Western style music like Scene.27 but with simpler melody and I will add more repetitive parts to it. I won’t pay attention much to the lyrics, the songs will be easy for everyone to sing along, something like songs that you can party with. But it’s not a concrete plan yet, for now, I am still gathering ideas. It’s because, in 2 years (note: after he finishes his military enlistment), I will prioritize FTISLAND first. And so, doing solo could be in plan in about 3 years from now. By then, my musical interests might have changed too. I have a lot that I want to do (laughs).

――Was it a new experience to be able to work with a band of Japanese musicians for your solo tour?

Yes. As expected, they have different styles in many ways compared to when I am in FT. In FTISLAND, as a bassist, I have a lot of challenges that I took on, there were a lot of cases where I went, “How should I do it?” that it gave me headache. In the band here, everyone is pro, and I am free to do anything. “Ah this is the feeling of being the main vocal (laughs). I only need to memorize the lyrics and sing. I don’t even have to do tuning, I don’t have to change my instruments too. I’m liking so much the freedom that I have.

――In 2019, you were not only lead a band as a soloist, you were also able to participate in N.Flying’s tour. Through this experience, were you able to see the good points of being in FTISLAND once again?

That’s right. I might be just boasting, but I did feel, “As expected, FTISLAND has an amazing vocalist!”. Of course, please don’t take it that I’m saying that N.Flying is bad, but I feel that Hongki hyung is just that even more amazing. Also, (in FTISLAND) as we have spent so much time together, I feel that our bass and drum is much tuned to each other. I enjoyed playing bass with N.Flying’s Jaehyun, however, I feel that I can match with Minhwannie’s drum playing energy much better that I always enjoyed it so much. I think, even if I play with other bands, I would feel the same way. In N.Flying, I’m in charge of keeping the rhythms, but in FTISLAND, I feel that we all are in charge of it together. When we tune to each other in FT, I would become too focused that I don’t remember anything else. Really, (laughs) I wouldn’t even know what I did wrong or what I do, to that extent. However, I think I can only say this (about FT) as we have been around for more than 10 years (smiles).

――I think, it’s more that you would feel a lot of things as you work together for a long time.

As Hweseung entered the band, I feel that there seems to be more balance in their vocal department. The fact that they have a twin vocalists, where hweseung can take on the parts that require long and high notes, while Seunghyub can take on raps with his low and deep voice, I think it has become their strength. They have nice vocal and music style, they also have grabbed their balance. They also have a bit of this Western music style to them, as well as band style, it feels like they have a little bit of FTISLAND and CNBLUE. It feels like they are able to absorb a lot of different things. They also have good songs and live performances. The harder they work, they more time passes by, I feel like they would be able to be an excellent band. They are a band that I am looking forward to see how they would advance in the future. That’s why, I hope you will be able to support them while FT and CN are away. You can like them, but don’t forget that FTISLAND is still the number 1!

t/n: Translated by Lu, 100% accuracy is not guaranteed. Translation is based on Japanese-Korean translation thanks to fprit. :)

#ftisland #f.t.island #lee jaejin #jaejin #scene 27 #interview #trans #fnc

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saikagerights · 4 years

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Update: ”I Know What We’re Going To Do Today!”

Howdy Guys!

I hope you didn’t miss me too much. Yesterday, I was suddenly reminded of all of the work I left unfinished back in August. What I also realized is that I never posted the last thing I wrote before my absence.

I’ll be frank:

These past few months have been pretty strenuous for multiple reasons, and I haven’t found the proper time nor the inspiration to sit down and write more of the journal. In fact, the last oneshot I wrote was directly inspired by art that took ahold of me right at the beginning of the semester.

Besides the world constantly being on fire in 2020, the problems with my stomach hit a wall in August. I had multiple different tests done to try and find the problem, but there was no diagnosis in the end. My doctor prescribed that I start taking natural remedies to try and ease my sickness, and so far..... It’s been working! I’ve actually had an improvement in my health since then. I started taking probiotic vitamins in the morning and drinking kombucha, and now my persistent nausea during the day has disappeared. I’m down to taking one nexium before I go to bed, which is great because this medication was initially prescribed for twice a day.

School, has been interesting so far. It’s my first true semester deep into my music education degree, and I find myself struggling in certain areas due to the pandemic. Some classes are made more difficult to achieve in, while others make it hard to attend consistently. However, I’ve been keeping my head above water relatively well regardless of that. Work......I can’t say that I’m too satisfied with my current employment. If you read my notes on AO3, you knew that the summer was about readjusting to work amid the pandemic, which went over with ups and downs, but more often the latter. I realize now that after 3 years, I am not making enough money to be dealing with the type of work environment I am currently in. Many of the coworkers that I had come to realize as family have left or plan on leaving as well because they feel the same. I gave an ultimatum to my manager that I need to get my much needed promotion and raise or I am walking out before the holiday season, which for a retail store is major crunch time. In this department is where I find the most stress, as it is transitional period. I am in the midst of finding employment elsewhere, which can hopefully give me a much larger paycheck that can help boost my savings and support my college fees.

Free time is spent prepping. Whether it is singing, or practicing another instrument for my methods courses, or even supplemental music theory, I am in a constant state of prep work. And for watching or reading anything, there’s been a lot of comfort shows and not too much else. I took a tiny break from anime and started watching more western television. One thing that my coworkers have been wanting me to watch for ages has been Stranger Things, which I’ve enjoyed a lot so far. I took a short break from it after the slog fest that was the 2nd season, and am now on Season 3. I got access to Amazon Prime Video, so I finally watched the anime adaptation of Wotakoi, a manga I really love, and recently began watching Blade of the Immortal, which is very bloody and very interesting. But above all else, my general mindset this fall has been around one thing and one thing alone: Phineas & Ferb

A cartoon that has been one of my favorites since I was 6 years old has recently resurged in my life and has overtaken my attention once again. What was meant to be my comfort show of the lockdown during the spring has become my comfort show of the fall semester, turning into a massive hyperfixation that has overriden my thought process. Don’t worry, I didn’t go that deep. I just might’ve written 3k words of an analytical piece for the show’s emotional finale, “Act Your Age.” But I stuck true to my morals and didn’t read any fanfiction (this time). This laser focus on the show is actually 5 years late, as I was in the thralls of a fixation when the series ended back in 2015 just as I was discovering Steven Universe, which was the series that won my attention for the next year before I was captured by anime in highschool. But now, I’ve decided to take a break from it until Christmas, as I didn’t watch either of the show’s Christmas specials during my 3 month fling. Everything has connected to this show, and I mean everything, including my own musical development which I really don’t want to go into detail with.

But today, the dreaded Election day in my country, I’ve finally found the resolve to come back to writing Saiino related things. Last night, I took a step back and began to reread my journal to re-immerse myself within my ideas, which ended up being a fantastic idea because it actually made me realize that I needed to change the perspective of the next entry. Along with that came my idea for the prompts in Yamanaka Week 2021. I actually have decided that my participation will follow it’s own running theme that coincides with my journal while also following some of the prompts. They will all be centered around 1 particular headcanon, so I hope you aren’t too dulled with my idea. It will start with my next oneshot chapter for the Sai Journal. As exciting as it is however, I will not be able to start working on this until I can clearly see the end of this semester. Be on the look out for my oneshot, “Technical Difficulties,” and any more updates about Yamanaka Week, because they are coming. I have to go to a zoom meeting for a class, so I will end it here.

Until Next Time

- Saikage

#saiino #yamanaka week 2021 #InoSai #sai yamanaka #Ino Yamanaka #Sai Journal #Sai Journal update

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lakesandquarries · 4 years

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Jump the Fence Part Two: Ghost Out Of His Grave

chapter two: ghost in your arms

summary: Benrey and Gordon adapt to living together. Some days are better than others.

notes: series title from “jump the fence” by mother mother. this part and the chapters within it are named after “ghosting” by mother mother.

AO3 Link

Benrey manages half an hour of lying on the couch before he finds himself in Gordon’s room. He’s still reeling from everything that just happened, rolling Gordon’s apology around in his mind over and over again, like a looping video he can’t pause. He hadn’t prepared for that as a possibility. He’d been expecting to end the night tied to the couch, or hiding in a dumpster, or dead.

Gordon had hugged him. That had seemed like such an unrealistic outcome that he hadn’t even let himself daydream about it.

He looks peaceful when he’s asleep. Does Benrey look like that? Or is it just another thing that’s special about Gordon? His curly hair is spread around his head, like a messy brown halo. The angel one, not the game. He’d looked more like the other kind of halo when they were in Black Mesa, but Benrey hasn’t seen his armor at all since they ended up in his house. Here, Gordon just wears t-shirts and jeans and stuff. He seems kinda...softer, somehow.

Or maybe Benrey’s just tired and imagining things.

He tiptoes across the room quietly, sliding onto the bed as carefully as he can. It shifts under his weight, but Gordon doesn’t wake up, so Benrey climbs on. It’s a lot comfier than his couch is. Gordon’s got some kinda thick fluffy blanket on top, with the really soft kind of texture Benrey likes.

Gordon won’t mind if he curls up, right? He’s not gonna sleep or anything. Just. Hang out, for a little. Be gone before Feetman even wakes up.

Benrey makes himself comfortable, and before he knows it, he’s asleep.

---

He wakes up to movement, something nudging him. Blinking his eyes open, he sees a grumpy looking Gordon staring at him.

Aw fuck.

“G’morning,” he mumbles, attempting to stretch and nearly rolling off.

Gordon snorts. “Why’re you on my bed?”

Benrey rolls back so his face is buried in the blanket. “Mmm. Comfy.”

“Yeah, fair point,” Gordon says. Something soft hits Benrey. He lifts his face to see Gordon’s thrown the covers back. “Any other reason?”

“Mmmb,” Benrey says again. Gordon sighs.

“Right.” He grabs a hair tie off his nightstand, pulling his hair into a ponytail. Benrey can see the streaks of gray hiding under the brown. Sexy. “Dude. Is there a reason you’re staring at me?”

“Can we go somewhere?” Benrey blurts out.

“Wha?”

“Uh.” They hadn’t actually planned to ask that. Shit. Benrey looks away, staring at Gordon’s half open dresser, clothes hanging off awkwardly. “Weren’t we gonna like...get me stuff?”

“Oh, yeah,” Gordon says. “Shit, I forgot about that. You wanna go to Target?”

Benrey has never heard of Target before in his life. “Tarjet,” he says.

“Okay well, let me get dressed first,” Gordon says, standing up. “Benrey. That means leave. ”

“Right,” he mutters, slinking off into the living room, where he waits perched on the couch, picking at a loose thread on his shirt. The prospect of going outside suddenly seems very, very scary. He hasn’t left Gordon’s apartment since he showed up. The closest he’s gotten to going outside has been standing in front of an open window. And in Black Mesa…

He’s not thinking about that.

Gordon steps out of the bedroom. He shoots Benrey a smile as they scoot off the couch, grabbing his keys out of the bowl he keeps next to the door.

Outside of the apartment are more hallways. It’s a little reminiscent of the Black Mesa dorms, but less ugly. Gordon leads Benrey down the hall, to a door with a bright red EMERGENCY sign over it. “Shortcut,” he says by way of explanation, and then he pushes the door open and -

And -

Holy shit.

He’s been outside Black Mesa before. Sorta. Technically. He has stepped out of the building and seen the desert that surrounds it, the brown dust and brown rocks and brown sky.

The sky is blue here. The grass is green, and so are the trees, and there’s cars going down the street in a million different colours and Benrey can’t do anything besides stare.

“Woah,” he mumbles, kneeling down to touch the grass. It’s damp, and when he pulls on it the dirt underneath is a rich brown, nothing like the dull dust of Black Mesa.

“Hey man, c’mon, leave the grass alone. What are you doing?”

Right. Right, Gordon’s here, Gordon’s watching him - he glances over and Gordon is squinting at him, like Benrey’s doing something weird. He stands up quickly, dusting himself off.

“Uhhhhh. Making sure the grass passes inspection,” Benrey says.

“Right,” Gordon says. “Can I ask you something?”

Benrey blinks. “You just did.”

Gordon rolls his eyes. “You know what I mean.”

“Uhhh. Sure?”

“Have - have you ever been out of Black Mesa before?”

His tone is - not angry. The rare soft tone he gets sometimes but never really talks to Benrey with. Genuine curiosity.

It wouldn’t be a lie, to say yes. Technically. He’s stepped outside!

But...that was still Black Mesa property. Even Xen - it was basically part of Black Mesa, at that point. And Benrey knows what Gordon’s trying to get at. He stares up at the sky, the bright blue sky and the fluffy white clouds and the sun that hurts his eyes.

“No,” he says.

“Oh,” Gordon says, and then he goes quiet for a moment. “I could…show you around, if you want. After we go to Target.”

Gordon’s eyes are nice in the sun. Benrey never really got a good look in Black Mesa, between the helmet and the bad lighting and the getting killed. Up here, his eyes are green, with a ring of brown in the center, like the bright green grass with the dirt underneath.

“Uhhh. Yeah, sure. If you wanna.” Benrey shoves their hands in the pockets of their sweatpants, and Gordon smiles at him, and it hurts his eyes like the sun did.

“Cool,” Gordon says, and then he reaches forward and grabs Benrey’s hand.

Gordon’s hand is warm. His skin doesn’t have the chill Benrey’s does, or the gray-ish tint. Everything about Gordon is warm and brown, from his hair to his skin to his eyes, and his hand is soft and his nails are painted orange to match his prosthetic and he’s still smiling even as Benrey stands there staring.

It’s only when Gordon pulls his hand away that Benrey realizes they’ve moved. They’re in front of a car now - Gordon’s, presumably - and Gordon seems to be expecting Benrey to do something.

“Dude. Get in. I know you know how to get into a car.”

Wordlessly, Benrey pulls the door open, scrambling in. Gordon gets in on the other side, giving a glance to Benrey - and then suddenly he’s leaning across them to buckle them in, arm brushing against Benrey’s chest.

“C’mon, seatbelts are one of the laws I agree with,” Gordon huffs.

404, Benrey not found. Benrey.exe has crashed. Would you like to reboot?

“You - you, you agreeing with laws? Laws are - laws’re for losers.” The words catch on his teeth, barely coherent even to himself. Gordon clicks the seat belt in and gives him a sidelong glance.

“You okay?”

“Uh-huh,” Benrey says, pulling their beanie down over their face.

“...Right,” Gordon says. The car engine makes a growling noise, and Benrey pushes his beanie back, leaning against the window. Gordon’s a better driver than Bubby. Probably? He hasn’t spent a lot of time in cars. But Gordon seems to know what he’s doing, turning on the radio and humming along mindlessly as they drive. Benrey can’t help but glance over at him every few minutes, even as most of his attention is focused on the world outside. It’s bright and colourful and there’s so many people . And he’d thought Black Mesa was crowded.

The car stops. “We’re here,” Gordon announces, cutting the music off. When Benrey glances over, Gordon’s eyebrows are scrunched up, squinting a little. “Are you sure you’re good?”

“Whu?”

“I mean is this gonna be like…” He runs a hand through his ponytail. “You just said you’ve never been outside Black Mesa. This has to be like, a lot for you.”

Benrey shrugs. “‘s fine. I’m - I’m a great cool, bro. I’ll be chill.”

Gordon stares a moment longer. “Okay. But, uh, tell me if it gets too much? And don’t -” he pauses, rubbing his face. “Don’t start shit or anything. Don’t try to, I don’t know, don’t start shapeshifting in the middle of Target. And no Sweet Voice! No - no weird magic shit or whatever.”

“‘s not magic ,” Benrey grumbles.

“Whatever it is! None of that, okay?”

“Yeah, yeah.” He folds his arms, huffing. “Never let me have any fun.”

“I’m just trying to not get us kicked out, man.” Gordon opens the door, stepping out - and a second later, opens Benrey’s door.

“I can get out myself,” Benrey whines, as Gordon leans over him again. He freezes.

“You seemed like you were having a hard time getting in, so…” Gordon steps back. “Benrey?”

“Hh,” Benrey says. He forces himself out of the car and to his feet. “You gotta - you gotta warn me, bro.”

“Warn you of what?”

“When you’re gonna - “ he reaches out, flicking Gordon’s shirtsleeve.

“Oh. Uh, yeah, I can do that. Look, let’s - lets go inside?”

#half life vr but the ai is self aware #hlvrai #gordon feetman #benrey #benry #cora writes #jump the fence #ghost out of his grave

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