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i-karaku-swear-i-dont-smoke-weed · 1 year

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Hey, mod here I finally decided to write headcanons for the Hantengu clone and Zohakuten should have done that sooner. Anyways let's begin. Btw this is still in progress I accidentally added this to my queue ;-;

All four Including Zohakuten

Sekido, Karaku, Aizetsu and urogi are more like quadruplets.

Sekido being the oldest and urogi the youngest of the four

They think of Zohakuten as their baby brother, and in return, he thinks of them as the annoying big brothers.

Like they have a brother dynamic, they stick together, they live together, they fight together and die together. If that's not quadruplet shit then I don't know what is.

All five of them consider Urami(hantengu) their father they would even call him Pa or father sometimes, they'ed even defend him like he's their dad.

all five are Blasien, specifically Nigerian. Like from the dub Aizetsu sounds like he might have a Nigerian Accent.

I have this theory, it's more like a headcanon tho and it doesn't really aline with Hantengus's backstory but anyways

The headcanon is that the clones were originally his sons and he lost all of them which caused him to become completely mentally and emotionally unstable

When he met Muzan, he agreed to turn into a demon but begged muzan to bring back his sons. when he turned, he gained the ability to split from his sons.

But that's just a theory, a game theory I'm sorry I had too

All four are 25(225)

Zohakuten is 13(213)

Urami is 80(280)

Hantengu is their last name, and is the name given to the main body they split from.

Urami (hantengu)

The Father of all five and The oldest

He made them their clothes and fixes them, he does it i swear. fight me.

Sekido

Sekido is the oldest of the five and therefore takes the role of the angry and strict older brother, that bonks the younger ones on the head once in a while.

He sleepwalks and has an extremely creepy walk when he does.

Like he will walk around like he's gonna absorb the others.

My Man has back problems because he never relaxes.

He gets told by all his brothers and even Urami, that his back problems and stiffness come from that.

He also doesn't really stretch, so yeah.

The pain is the reason why he always stands so stiffly straight and only does minimal movements.

His favourite colour is actually blue.

He despises drinking and smoke

he absolutely hates it so much

He hates that Karaku smokes.

Urogi and Karaku probably take him out drinking just to piss him off or to have someone sober enough to stop them from doing stupid shit while under the influence.

I'm sorry but he is a control freak

Like he wants everything to be perfect

And everyone to do their parts correctly and how he want's it done

Absolutely hates slacking and making jokes on missions or meetings.

it's pretty much canon.

He can cook, he doesn't really have to but he can and he can cook good shit.

He loves his brothers tho more than he likes to admit to himself or anyone else.

Karaku

Like sekido, Karaku is the the second oldest of all four

He is the type of person that would make deez nuts jokes and perverted suggestions.

Would embarrass others on purpose just to get a kick out of it.

Gives good sex and Romance advice even tho no one asked him to.

But If you do ask for advice for anything to do with sex, flirting or romance he is the man for that.

Smokes weed but denies that he does it as a running gig,

because he tried to lie to Urami with a cigarette in his mouth which he forgot about, because he indeed was high at that time

Also offered his blunt once to zohakuten who ofc made a grimace at the smell and declined, as a joke

Got caught doing it and got his ass beat by Sekido and lectured by Urami

He can get very serious tho if he wants to be or if it's about kyogai or Urami or any of his brothers

He does deeply care for his brothers even if he annoys the undying shit out of them on purpose.

Sweats easily, like this man gets extremely hot very fast

Definitely has a fan,

Sleeps with the fan ON.

Not even Urami or Kyogai can convince him it's bad for him he.

Can cook but only the same simply dish and ONLY WHEN HE IS HIGH

Aizetsu

He is the emotional mess of the four

Emotional support brother

He is the person you go to when you feel like everything is to much and you just want to pour your heart out

Great listener.

Let's you speak and gives great advice and suggestions when asked to give them.

Only if you aske him tho

He is also the one that tries to resolve things between all of them

He doesn't talk much about his feeling which even kyogai and sekido find concerning and both are bad at expressing their feelings

The calmest of the four even when he was a human baby.

He rarely screamd or was Fuzzy definitely was the easiest to take care of.

Can cook too because the other two refuse to or can't cook.

Urogi

The youngest and the Hyperenergised of the four.

Gets the Zoomis a lot and I mean A LOT like he will fly and run giggling around and just pass out on the floor or a tree or even on someone else

Is cuddly and affectionate as fuck, like he will randomly hug all of them.

Has Autism a 100%

Gets distracted by birds or shiny things

Has a great sense of humour like, if you need a laugh or need some energy he will and can help.

Man can't keep his mouth shut for even a second.

He can talk for hours without stopping he can keep secrets under one condition

Five words

KEEP. HIM. AWAY. FROM. BOOZE

Remember when I said he can't shut up? It gets worse when he is drunk and he gets drunk fast.

Remember when I also said he can keep secrets? Yeah fuck that, He will spill the beans when he is drunk and there is nothing you could do if he is intoxicated and talking

unless you shut him up some how

This man doesn't shower or bath, he will fight you if you try to get him to do it.

Probably Used to scream like he is getting murdered when Urami would bath him when he was a human kid.

Still screams, even tho he is now a grown ass man.

But once he is in the water he refuses to get out or leave the shower

Absolutely would destroy the kitchen if you let him cook

Zohakuten

Absolutely hates being called baby brother but doesn't say anything about it tho.

Is the type of person to put the big boy pants on if his big brothers can't.

Gives off old-soul energy tho he is not that old. And says he doesn't.

Everyone thinks he does

Even Urami thinks that he does

He makes sure Their old man is taken care of when the others go on missions when separated

Is the defeniton of the "i'm surrounded by idiots"

He and Aizetsu Were and still are the calmest of all of them even when they were kids

has a very adorable laugh, like he has that cute baby giggle

And he still has that giggle

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writr4luvrs · 1 month

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Teacher!nanami x Yandere!student!Reader

tw: yandere themes, teacher/student relationship, stalking, manipulation, invasion of privacy, deez nuts

note: COLLEGE teacher nanami, mind you; not proofread

Nanami Kento was the best teacher! He was stern, smart, understanding, and so so patient and kind that it almost made you feel bad interrupting his class with your dreamy sigh. It made him pause for a beat, making you jolt in embarrassment when you make eye contact before he returns to the lesson. You could watch him for eons; forever focusing on his thick, heavy hands that were calloused somewhat while he wrote on the board. Your eyes continued to wander to his shoulders, lingering to his arms, his waist, his hips, oh, he's making you sigh again.

He was so strong and took care of himself. You knew this when peaking at his schedule after class while he was occupied elsewhere. On his workout days, you'd swoon at his back when he jogged on the treadmill, watching him do his sets through the windows from the shop across the street. Then, the grocery, this time for that salmon recipe he wants to try, too busy searching for the ingredients to spot you as approaching check out. Or his favorite bake shop he frequented. Granted, the shops coffee cups and snack wrappers were usually found in his garbage, anyways. But what bugged you out of all were the one-on-one tutoring sessions throughout the weeks. So smart, so determined, so patient, so kind for his students, you should have their slots instead.

It's not like you had to be better or worse than your fellow classmates, you only needed to be potential and that's why you had to have these sessions with Mr. Kento about your recent failing marks. You had to look up at him with a pout and threatening tearful eyes as you just couldn't get a handle on this one issue. You needed your teacher's support more than ever as you huffed and got frustrated at seeing your grade lower even more when you were trying youre dearest.. All he could do is look down at you softly, his sympathetic smile that makes your stomach flip, and gentle tone as he goes over the reading again. But that just wasn't enough, you growled and silently glared at your classmate each time he dismissed you for tutoring. Didn't he see you need him most?!

It wasn't your fault that it had come to you pressuring your classmate to seek other tutors and resources, you were just glad they were stupid enough to belive those nasty comments you made about Mr. Kento, even they were true. They weren't good enough to be tutored by Mr. Kento, assuring them that Mr. Satoru would benefit them more. Yes, Mr. Kento's low grunts and vibrating groans of frustration at poor skills not being able to handle such a intellectually low student did give lovely daydreams late at night, but now that his students were drifting to his least favorite coworker, he needed you most! He needed to prove himself and to you he was a worthy teacher, that he needed to be there for you.

"So, why meet at the same typical classroom?" you suggested cheerily, blushing when he raised his brow at you. but instead somewhere with less backrooms aura and more comfortable seating, and warm with comforting lighting, and sweet treats. "What is 'backrooms aura'?" His somewhat amused sigh runs chills through you. He rubs his eyes, quiet for a moment when he leaning beated weight on the table. He looked so tired, the stress was getting to him. He must be doing something utterly wrong if his students are drifting towards his coworker, or his potential student keeps needing his tutoring despite it all, or whatever this growing paranoia that someone has been following him.

You chuckle awkwardly at the moment of silence, bringing him back to reality to look at you for another moment. You smile. He use the excuse of external stresses get ti him now, not during this session that is meant for you. He could not fail you and the fact that you didn't give up on him and seek other resources...He let's out another pity sigh that could almost go unheard. "Mr. Kento?"

"I'm sorry." Your body warms at his tense brows. "Let's continue." his lips pressed tight, his nose flared, and jaw tense.

"I can tell you're struggling..." you begin, his eyes immediately go soft at your words, he's staring at you, patiently waiting, saying words he desperately needed to hear. "I want you to know I care about you, Mr. Kento... I want you to know that... I want to support you just like you've done for me all this time." Another sigh leaves him but it's different, he's relieved that's you've assure him..His eyes flicker and hus brows tense and his new thoughts.

why did you have to be cute as well?

#jjk #jujutsu kaisen #jujutsu kaisen x reader #jjk x reader #nanami kento x reader #nanami kento #yandere!reader #nanami kento x yandere!reader #yandere #tw.stalking #cw.stalking #cw.yandere #luvr writes #dark content #tw dark content #student!reader

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maochira · 1 year

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After reading Noa, Chris and Lavinho as father figures I can only imagine them giving the reader "the talk", just because they saw him talking very closely to a teammate or a friend. Chris is 100% the kind of father figure who says "you're at an age where your hormones are crazy, you need to understand a lot of things" and Lavinho wouldn't be ashamed to give the talk to the reader, making it clear that it's totally normal at his age. BUT NOA WOULD BE SO EMBARRASSED, HE KNOWS TALK IS NECESSARY BUT SHY TO TALK.

I LITERALLY CAN NOT STOP GIGGLING ABOUT THIS. IT'S SO TRUE. Omg that just really makes me want to write more for these headcanons and make them like a series,,, so request some stuff in asks!!!

The headcanons mentioned: Noa, Chris and Lavinho becoming your father figure

Series masterlist

Tags: gn!reader, sexual themes mentioned but nothing explicit, the headcanons linked above are good to know for context but not needed (basically reader has neglecting parents or no father figure in their life, so Noa/Chris/Lavinho decided to be their father figure), reader is a teenager

Giving "the talk" (headcanons)

Noel Noa

-he's so unsure about what you know already and what you don't know yet, but he really wants you to be educated so nothing bad happens. Like, he's pretty sure you learned about it in school but he wants to be double sure. Also, he thinks it's better for him to explain because then you can ask him questions if you have any

-also, he doesn't trust your biological parent(s) to educate you properly, so like many other things about you, he makes it his job to take care of

-Noa is definitely the type of guy to write notes on his hand or arm to look at so he can really make sure he won't forget anything

-he keeps telling himself "today I'll talk to them about it" then he gets too nervous about it and doesn't. It takes him at least 3 weeks until he finally drops the "I think there's something I need to talk about with you"

-he does it during one of those car rides in the rain after soccer practice. But he stops in some parking lot to talk to you about it

-and it ends up being easier for Noa than he expected. To his surprise, you were fairly well educated already, but there were still things you didn't know yet. So giving you "the talk" was a good decision

Chris Prince

-unlike Noa, he didn't put any thought into it before. I mean, he didn't get the chance to. Him giving you "the talk" happened very much out of nowhere for Chris, because you were the one who asked him about it

-he's a bit surprised, but also happy and proud that you trust him enough to ask him about something like this

-he's serious throughout the entire talk, making sure you understand everything properly

-he would repeat over and over how important consent for everyone involved is and how it's okay to say no and stop, even throughout "the act"

-when the conversation is coming to an end, he tries to make everything more lighthearted by saying some jokes but he would also be serious at the same time, making sure you know you can ask him any questions at any time

Lavinho

-not embarrassed or nervous at all, although he does think about how to address it to you for a couple days

-is very open and doesn't mind talking to you about this, it's a normal thing after all. And hey, you're very much like father and kid so he has to be the one to educate you, because no one else will do it well if he doesn't

-I feel like usually, even during serious conversations with you, he tends to goof around a lot to make you laugh every now and then, but this time he doesn't

-okay that was a lie he would definitely drop a random deez nuts joke in the middle of it and then continue talking as seriously as before, as if the joke never happened. If you continue laughing, he would tease you with "Uhmmm what's so funny??? This is serious" and then laugh along with you for a bit, before returning to a serious tone again

-he would mainly talk about how a lot can happen emotion-wise during puberty, not just related to "the talk", and that everything is completely normal

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inbabylontheywept · 10 months

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"R&D? More like R&Deez Nuts"

In a future where intelligent life had managed to break the chains of death, disease, and famine, it had yet to escape the iron grasp of bullshit corporate team building exercises.

Luckily for the R&D division of TLOB Enterprises, they had a human. His name was Earl, and he surpassed even immunity to bullshit, literally gaining strength from it like some sort of coprophilic vampire. It was almost as disgusting as it was fascinating, but the novelty of it was charming enough to keep things in the green.

The specific brand of bullshit the group was dealing with on that particular day was a “team-building laser-tag battle” pitting the three main divisions of the orbital branch against each other: Accounting, Sales, and Innovations.

To be frank, it didn’t seem like a very fair fight. Accounting was the largest branch by far at twenty-seven heads. Sales lagged behind this a great deal with seventeen members, still absolutely dwarfing R&D’s mere four.

The rules of the game were explained by a cheery corporate speaker, aided by pictures presented in something that was dishearteningly close to a power-point program.

First, each player would be given an infrared phaser, and a tag suit. The suit itself was surprisingly high tech for a toy, freezing limbs if they got hit, and paralyzing the person entirely if they were struck somewhere vital. After receiving their gear the three groups would retreat back to their offices and strategize for the next fifteen minutes. When the time was up, the station would begin to decrease its spin, lowering gravity from a comfortable one-point-two G's down to zero. The match would then proceed in the low gravity environment until two teams were eliminated, with its end being signalled by the return of gravity.

“Any questions?” the speaker finished, chromatophores flashing a nervous pink as the room remained silent.

“Haha, I’m gonna take that as a sign that I did a good job of explaining things! Alright everyone, back to your offices! And remember: We’re all part of a greater whole!”

Brisinj smirked, jagged teeth on full display. There was a moment of slow motion horror as Shiloh, Earl, and Valrose all realized that he was about to “whisper” something under his breath.

Brisinj’s equivalent of whispering was still more than enough to be heard across the room.

“Hard to. Be greater hole than. Sales. Even if. Hole is. Asshole.”

As seventeen heads swiveled towards him in disbelief he did the only thing he could that would make the situation worse.

He made eye contact with them and kept going

“BET THEY FART. LIKE. AN AIRLOCK. OPENING.”

Spittle foamed between the gaps of his jagged teeth as he forced air between them, the hiss he made literally filling the room.

And it just kept going.

And going.

Disgust morphed into disbelief as Brisinj continued to make the noise, eyes bulging, face flushed, before his lungs mercifully gave out and the hiss died with an artfully strangled gurgle.

Earl couldn’t help it. He guffawed. Shiloh’s disappointed and betrayed expression broke his heart, but he couldn’t help it. That final gurgle had been a masterpiece.

Valrose was the one that wound up taking the initiative, his hydraulic musculature giving him the strength to gently manhandle the cackling duo out of the room. Shiloh tried his best to give an apologetic wave as he followed the pseudo-crustacean out of the room, but the raucous laughter of three people behind him scorched that bridge like a leaf on the sun.

With a defeated sigh he ran to catch up to his coworkers.

---

“So… What do you think the odds are that sales decides to storm our little lab first?” Shiloh asked.

“Oh, 100%,” Earl replied offhandedly, his attention focused on rummaging through an old toolbox.

“Those are chances,” Valrose corrected, “Odds would be zero to one. But yeah, they’re definitely hitting here first.”

“I. WOULD BE. OFFENDED. IF THEY. DIDN’T.” Brisinj intoned at his standard just-below-deafening volume, “THAT HISS. WAS. PERFECT.”

Shiloh ran his claws over his scalp.

“Shit. They’re gonna slaughter us.”

Earl seemed to have found the tool he was looking for and was now rummaging through the LED drawer, gathering a collection of bulbs that he seemed promising to him. His tone was amused, even if he didn’t look up long enough for his facial expression to be read.

“Calm down. Slaughter is for real wars. Worst thing that happens here is they paralyze us and draw dicks on our faces.”

“That’s still not pleasant!” Shiloh protested.

No one argued that point.

The silence stretched on for a minute or so longer. Earl gathered his collection of bulbs before moving to the power testing lab, leaving the other three in the quiet. Valrose gave in first and pushed himself up, claws failing wildly as he got his four legs beneath him.

“So what are we gonna do? What’s our grand plan to avoid having to pretend to be dead for the next hour while the sales bastards make us into doodle boards?”

Shiloh shrugged.

“Make them work for it I guess? We could start by moving our shelving units, trying to funnel them through a choke point. Could give ourselves some cover while we were at it.”

Earl chimed in from the power lab.

“I got an idea, but I’m gonna be a little dramatic about it and make you wait to see it. Just uh… Cluster em’. The more of em’ you can pack together, the better. Even if it means making some cover on their side of the room.”

There was a slight sideways pulls as the station’s retro-thrusters activated, the rotation of the great craft gently pulling to a complete stop.

The game was starting, and Earl still hadn’t made his way back from the power lab. Brisinj was not pleased with this.

“HEY. EARL. DONE YET?”

Earl’s voice came back a few seconds later, strained but chipper.

“Almost!”

They could hear banging on the walls, the telltale sound of people launching themselves down halls in the zero gravity environment.

The noises were getting closer.

“So, uh, how ‘almost’ is that almost?” Valrose asked, his casual tone betrayed by the nervous twiddling of his manipulator claws, “Cuz I’m hearing a lot of boots hitting the walls and four wouldn’t be enough to hold them off, least of all three.”

Even without a person around to witness it, Earl still shrugged before answering.

“Yeah, well, that’s the thing: Four ain’t enough. Only way we’re winning this if I can get this party trick in working order, so just... Hold the line. Alright?”

Valrose clutched his pistol tighter, still feeling exposed in the pillbox he’d made from old shelving units and cardboard. Brisinj wasn’t pleased with Earl’s absence, but even that nuisance wasn’t enough to ruin the joy he felt at even this imitation of a fight. Shiloh just kept his sights on the lone entrance to the lab, hoping he could get the timing of his first shot right.

He did.

There was the black flash of a sales rep rocketing down the hall. He landed on all fours, limbs splayed like a tree frog, when Shiloh’s beam hit him in the back. He’d been too busy absorbing the shock of impact to begin his secondary launch, and as all four limbs froze at once from the registered vital shot there was nothing he could do but await his doom.

Apparently, doom chose to wear a grey suit that day. Another sale’s colleague had been following close behind him, and simply lacked the time to change direction. With no way to change course he slammed into his paralyzed comrade with a muffled swear, the two sent spinning into the open space of the research lab.

Brisinj picked the flailing survivor off with a casual snipe. His species was adapted for hunting and he didn’t even need to use the sights of the gun, firing from the hip like an old Western. The flailing stopped, but the accusing glare remained.

The second batch of sales workers seemed to have learned from the first, recognizing the challenges of rushing the choke point. There was the sound of scuffling in the hall as they struggled to position themselves in the 3D space before the first wave launched themselves out of the blind corner.

There were five of them, and they weren’t just smarter than the frontrunners, they seemed more physically capable. There was another sharp-toothed biped of the same species as Brisinj, and the two quickly locked themselves in a duel. Brisinj’s stationary position gave him an advantage in accuracy, but the speed that the other one was moving at made him hard to hit.

Brisinj let out an involuntary hiss as one of the shots hit him in the arm. His opponent’s eyes narrowed in fury at the sound, and the moment of distraction was enough for Brisinj to swap the gun to his functioning hand and take out one of his opponent’s legs.

Unable to position his landing well, the clerk hit the next wall and glanced off, spinning. Valrose took a careful shot at his chest and the flailing of limbs stopped, giving him the appearance of a shuriken as he whirled off in the direction of the power lab.

Still, his efforts gave four of his comrades enough time to get to cover unharried. As they began to fire at the entrenched trio, they gave more of their friends time to get through the door and set up.

Valrose was able to put up the best fight here. His head barely poked out of the pillbox, the only part of him truly exposed when he fired was whatever arm happened to be holding his pistol. He simply ran through them like an assembly line, one pincer passing the pistol off to the next as his arms took hit after hit.

He managed to get a chest shot against an upper levels sales manager, but the real gains of his strategy were in the way he took fire off the other two. Brisinj’s sharpshooter accuracy had gone down to mortal levels after swapping to his non-dominant arm, but he was still able to get two cocky reptilians through the chest when they tried to leap for better positions. Shiloh himself seemed content to take limb shots, whittling the sales team down slowly. His reptilian comrades weren’t particularly good shots, but they made up for it with their default ambidexterity. It was the real sharpshooters, the mammalian bipeds and greys, that suffered the most from losing their dominant limbs. For a moment, it looked like they could manage to hold their positions indefinitely.

The moment couldn’t last.

Two shooters made a bullrush for Valrose. The first, a reptilian, was taken out easily, but Brisinj only managed to get the second’s leg before he dove in through the entrance slot. There was a muffled curse before Valrose was evicted from the box, limbs splayed.

A chest shot.

Shit.

The pillbox was positioned behind both Brisinj and Shiloh. Having it captured didn’t just mean that they’d lost their main distraction, it meant that they were about to get caught in a crossfire.

Shiloh may not have had the quickest body, but he had a lightning mind. Before Valrose was even shoved out of the slot he was launching himself out of cover. He had his knees bent in front of him like a shield, sacrificing them midflight. If he’d been aiming for a wall, he’d have hit the ground frozen, unable to push off, but he knew better: There was a water pipe hanging off the wall he could swing around like a gymnast on, repositioning his trajectory on a beeline for the power lab.

Brisinj himself realized a half second later what he needed to do, but his superior speed made up the difference nicely. He dug his clawed fingertips into the carpet, weaving serpentine down the hall, more of a climbing motion than anything else. It was working beautifully, beams of infrared traced all the places he would’ve been if he’d been foolish enough to move in a straight line. He’d almost made it the full length of the hall before a lucky shot grazed his hand, the remaining arm locking tight. Dropping the last pretense of strategy, he simply kicked as hard as he could off the wall, launching himself towards the door he’d just barely seen Shiloh disappear behind.

It worked. He barreled into the lab, just barely managing to twist enough to land feet first on the wall instead of bouncing around the room like a 140 kilo rubber bullet.

“EARL! THEY GOT. VAL. ARE YOU. DONE. YET?”

Earl turned around, a wild grin on his face. He’d built… something. There was a breadboard covered in crudely soldered chemical batteries, a handful of resistors, and most importantly, an LED. A matte black cone of plastic was wrapped around the top bulb, focusing the light from a radial burst to a much more concentrated cone.

Brisinj was good at circuits, but the whole thing was so rushed and messy he could barely tell where the on switch was. Shiloh, on the other hand, seemed to understand immediately.

“Does that LED emit in the same wavelength as the pistols?” he demanded, almost gleeful at the prospect.

“Close! We’ll see if it’s close enough to fool the sensors.”

There was no time for self-congratulating speeches. The sales team had begun to follow them down the halls, eager to finish what they’d started.

Earl braced himself by the doorway. Behind him laid his wounded teammates...before him laid destiny.

And what human would he be, if he had not laid with destiny?

He launched himself across the room, body parallel to the ground even as he fired the cone down the hallway. He didn’t have the expert precision of Brisinj, or the fast thinking of Shiloh, but he married both in a way that lent itself beautifully to movement. He only needed to be good at dodging, his homemade infrared blaster was basically miss proof.

It was a massacre. The infrared cannon froze everything in its massive, continuous cone, combining the best traits of both a machine-gun and a flamethrower. You couldn’t pray for a better room clearing device. Earl was able to clear out the entire corridor with a flick of his wrist, paralyzed salesmen drifting through the zero-gravity environment like frozen corpses after a hull breach. There was something eerily beautiful to the scene.

The effect was ruined somewhat when the drifting “corpses” started whining about rules and blatant cheating, but Earl was far too busy not listening to them to bother listening to them.

Using the floating bodies as jump-off points, he rocketed down the hall, the cone making a gentle figure-eight sweep as it cleared every point in his field of vision. Limbs froze at awkward angles, as people tried to fire from behind cover and those that tried to move for a better vantage point, desperate to make sense of the chaos, found themselves cast adrift.

It took him a little under four seconds to wipe out the remnants of sales. It took him longer than that to spot Valrose, buried as he was under a pile of four clerks.

It only took him one bounding leap to reach his friend, and two great heaving pulls to send the clerks flying off into space. Val was currently face down, and he took a moment to steel himself before turning his friend over.

No.

They’d got him. There were four dicks on his face, each from a different species, with a level of anatomical detail that Earl found both frightening and educational.

Huh. So that’s what they look like.

Val’s expression was as inscrutable as any shrimp’s, and his casual tone wasn’t helping.

“Give it to me straight Earl: How bad is it?”

Earl placed a gentle hand on Val’s shoulder. They were both men here. He deserved the truth.

“Val… There are four dicks on your face. Like, full on dicks. Dicks with veins kind of dicks.”

Val’s face twitched a little, but he kept that calm, stable tone that everyone on the station knew him for.

“I see. Earl, could I ask you a slight favor?”

It was probably the result of seeing too many cheesy war movies, but Earl didn’t think he could refuse a comrade that had, in a way, given it all in pursuit of duty.

“Anything man. Just name it.”

The temperature seemed to drop, so cold was Val’s response.

“Avenge me.”

---

R&D solved its vengeance problem the same way it solved all of its problems: By breaking its solution down into easily replicable steps and then moving on to mass production.

It took Earl only a minute to print out a halfway decent penis stamp, time that Shiloh and Brisinj spent figuring out how to act as the other’s limbs. They were far from graceful, but they could get by. With no time to lose they began clumsily navigating the open spaces, moving from body to body, a flurry of stamping, jumping, and laughter.

Earl himself spent his time getting situated in the pillbox. He wasn’t sure if he could beat the onslaught of accounting, but it was worth a shot. Even in the worst case, his goal could be to just buy time for Val’s vengeance.

There was time for two people to get stamped before the first accountant poked his head around the corner. Earl recognized his face, even if he didn’t know his name. He was a fellow intern, green as a sapling. A quick pulse of the blaster was all it took to turn him into a statue, a fate he seemed surprisingly at peace with. Even as a casualty he continued to relay information to his teammates. It seemed that he’d been chosen specifically as a sacrifice.

“Alright everyone, you’re not gonna believe this, but the lab boys actually managed to eliminate everyone in sales.”

Even muffled by the blind corner, there was still an audible wave of surprised hums. It seemed that they’d massed just out of sight, taking the slow and steady approach. Classic accountant move. Their patience and general willingness to strategize didn’t bode well for R&D.

The intern spent a few more seconds analyzing the room before relaying back even more info.

“They’re uh… they’re graffitiing the sales branch with genitalia. I can see Val, it looks like he’s been out for a while. They’ve got Brisinj and Shiloh helping each other out, but they’re both missing the use of two limbs, they’re not very combat effective. The only one that seems intact is Earl, and he’s got a little fort made at the end of the room. Hi Earl!”

Earl gave him a little wave. This was… oddly amicable. If he could pull this bit out longer, it would be a lot simpler than fighting.

“Hey! Sorry, I forgot your name. Always been bad with names. Who are you again?”

The paralyzed accountant didn’t seem very bothered by this.

“I’m Velen! The thing in your hand isn’t a phaser, so I’m assuming you made your own weapon?”

Earl’s eyes widened in alarm. Huh. Well, that element of surprise burned out real fast.

“Eh… Well… Yeah.”

He was already tucking the weapon away, but it was too late, Velen was already passing on more recon.

“Earl’s made a phaser! Lots of batteries and a large LED! It’s got a cone shaped barrel, probably covers a wide area continuously. Anyone got any ideas on how to handle that?”

Earl couldn’t hear the voices too well, but there were suggestions of various shields, ranging from using a wall of interns, to coffee tables. The winning suggestion came from a reptilian voice, recognizable by its faint lisping accent, identical to Shiloh’s.

“...I think there’s a large mirror hanging up in the lobby? We might be able to reflect the beam back at him.”

Earl considered this. If he waited here, there would be the substantial delay of them traveling down to the main docking area, then traveling back, then making their slow and steady charge. He didn’t have a good counter to it, but it would at least be a slow style of victory.

Alternatively. He could charge, right now. He might get shot immediately, he might win, hell, he might do neither and just succeed in delaying the inevitable a little more staunchly.

What the hell. He still had some fight left in him.

He braced his legs on the back of his pillbox, blasting himself out of the narrow entrance slot like an ICBM leaving a submarine.

Velen startled a little before continuing his play-by-play.

“He’s pretty fast! Hey, he’s making a run for the hall. You guys might want to pull back a little, or you’ll end up like me.”

There was the ominous banging of twenty-five points of shoes bouncing off the walls before Earl even rounded the corner. He froze, unsure of what to do, when he heard that same, old reptile speak.

“Not bad! After what happened on your colony world I thought you’d be taking things slow. War of attrition. Glad to see that you’ll gamble on victory!”

Earl launched down the hall towards the voice. The lizard that he saw was old, older than Shiloh. He’d braced himself at the edge of another blind corner, shooting a wink before launching out of line of sight.

Earl followed in hot pursuit, gun held on in front of him. The lizard was damn fast, always just a few steps ahead. Panting, he rounded a corner just in time to see a green tail whirl into the bathroom.

He grinned.

The little guy was fast, but he’d cornered himself there. Earl pushed quickly, eager to catch the lizard before he realized his mistake.

He rocketed in through the door, blaster on, and immediately realized that the lizard wasn’t the one screwing up. He was.

Mirrors.

He froze as the reflective surfaces in the room bounced the beam back at him. He drifted silently through the empty space, hoisted by his own petard, before he saw a familiar spiky head pop up from one of the stalls. Now that paralysis wasn’t on the line, the lizard’s movements were a lot more relaxed.

Earl spoke first. It was really all he could do, frozen as he was.

“I don’t actually know your name, but may I just say that you pulled this off beautifully?”

The lizard grinned.

“Ha! I’m Petrunko. I’ll take that compliment, today was probably the most I’ve used my brain in the last ten years.”

Earl tried to shrug, the suit reducing the movement to a neck twitch. He laughed at himself for trying, the excitement of the last few minutes wearing off, leaving him happy and tired.

“You sound like my boss. Get too good at your job and it gets boring, huh?”

Petrunko wiggled his hand a little, the surprisingly universal sign for kinda.

“Your job doesn’t really change, but your view of what you’re a part of does. Imagine if one of your cells became self-aware and you’ve got a good idea of what my life is like.”

Earl winced. That sounded like an existential nightmare.

Petrunko caught the expression and held up his three fingered hands placatingly.

“Whatever panic your ego has right now about feeling small and insignificant will be replaced when you get older. You’ll want to be part of something bigger than yourself. Give it time.”

Earl grinned at that. The advice was good but beyond that…

“Psh. Went from sounding like my boss to sounding like my dad.”

Petrunko crossed his arms, more amused than annoyed at the jab.

“Wonder what your dad would say about your little art project back there. Those canvases are a bit pricey for dick stencils.”

“Well, if it makes you feel better, we only defaced two of them before your nerd squad showed up.”

Petrunko laughed. The noise was only cut off when a distant hum began, the ion thrusters on the hull giving some faint warning that the station was about to begun rotating again. Apparently, the other accountants apparently had seized the opportunity to finish off Brisinj and Shiloh.

The game was over. Earl felt himself gently falling to the ground, arms and legs suddenly free to move once more. Petrunko offered him a hand up, and he took it gratefully.

“Hopefully your friends got a few more with the delay you bought them. Sales has always been hard to get along with, but they’ve been mean bastards for the last four years."

Earl dusted himself off before offering a handshake. Petrunko clearly wasn’t familiar with the gesture, but he got the hang of it quickly.

“What’s it mean?”

Earl paused, processing. He was still getting used to explaining body language, to expressing so much in only words.

“It’s got a couple of meanings, but right now it means ‘You beat me, and earned my respect.’”

Petrunko concentrated for a moment, clearly trying to commit it to memory.

“I like that. I hope I get the chance to shake your hand next time, Earl.”

Earl had a moment of startling clarity: He’d just made a friend. A good one too, it seemed.

“Well, we’ll see if I can earn it. In the meantime, we should go check the other science boys. I’m curious to see how they’ve managed without me.”

Petrunko shrugged.

“I’d point out the strangeness of the newest person here trying to mother people with three, four times his expertise but… I do want to see what they managed in your absence. Come on, let’s go.”

And together they left, walking down the halls that just moments before they'd flown through.

In the companionable peace of things after the battle, Earl had one final thought:

I can't believe I wrote this off as bullshit. --- This is a loose sequel to this post: https://www.tumblr.com/inbabylontheywept/721036534229434368/so-whats-the-biggest-gun-youve-ever-made?source=share But it's not required reading. The shorts I wrote in this world aren't part of an overarching larger story, they're just borrowing characters and setting. I think the rule I'm going to follow is that hard-series get reblogs, general settings will just get notes like this at the end, showing what pieces they're attached to. I might change that later, I'm still figuring out optimal ways to use the site. Tumblr is pretty odd.

#humans are space oddities #humans are space badgers #humanity fuck yeah #hfy #space western #creative writing #science fiction #scifi #laser tag in space #mad scientist

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juanarc-thethird · 1 year

Text

The Queen of the Grimm can't be this cute Part 3

Salem: You warriors fought well. For that alone, allow me the honor of learning your names. What's your name boy?

Jaune: Dragon...

Salem: Dragon... what?

Jaune smiles

Jaune: Dragon dees nuts over your-

-----------

Ruby: And so, my friends and I, we saved the world from Salem.

Random stranger: Wow, I still can't believe that with a dumb joke you guys saved the world.

Nora: Is because that didn't happen.

Random stranger: What?! But you guys beat her! So was that Deez Nuts joke a lie?!

Ruby: Well...

Nora: Oh, not quite. Some nuts sure did help. Right, Ruby?~ *Smug*

Random stranger: What does she mean by that, hero?

Ruby: Nothing! Is nothing at all!

Random stranger: Okay? And what happened to your friend Jaune? Did he return home or is he on another mission?

Ruby: Well….

Nora: He's busy stuffing a-!

Ruby: NORA!!!!

Meanwhile inside Salem's chambers in the castle.

Salem: Oh yes!!! Take me you brute!!! Fill me up with your babies!!!!

Jaune: Oh FUcK!!

Outside.

Cinder: I can't believe she's sleeping with the enemy!

Neo: "I don't mind🙂"

Emerald: Me too. Ever since he arrived, she's been in such a good mood that we don't have to worry about her killing us.

Neo: "Yeah!😆"

Cinder: You girls don't get it! This is a trap to take power so they can finish us off once and for all!

Neo: "You're just mad because you wanted to fuck him first😒"

Cinder: *Blushing* N-Noo!!

Emerald: You're right, the other time I found cinder saying his name while she was touching her-

Cinder: STOP! I would never sleep with a weakling like him!

Neo: "Really?🤔 Then you don't care to know that Salem is looking for someone to fuck her new husband."

Cinder: What did you say?

Neo: That she is looking for someone who can fuck her husband. Right Em?😏

Emerald: *Confuse* What?

Neo: "You know, that she is already very old and cannot keep up with her husband"

Emerald: What are you- *Gets elbows by her* Ouch! Ok I get it! Yes she said that.

Neo: "You see😉"

Cinder: She is looking for someone?… *Her nose starts bleeding*

Emerald: *Quietly* What are you planning?

Neo: "Just watch😈"

Cinder: Yes….Yes…. YES!! This is perfect! By taking this opportunity I can approach him and fu-I mean!! expose his plan once and for all. It's brilliant!!

Neo: "You're amazing Cinder.🤩 You know what, you should tell Salem right now. She'd love it.😁"

Cinder: Of course, I'll tell her right now!

Without wasting any time, Cinder walks over to the door of Salem's room and slams it open. Emerald tries to stop her but she fails.

Emerald: Cinder wait!!!

*BAM!*

Cinder: My mistress, I want to offer myself as a tribute!!!

In front of her was Jaune lying on the bed holding Salem's waist, while she was sitting on his pelvis, both of them naked and surprised by Cinder's unexpected entrance.

Salem: *Covers herself* Cinder, what the hell are you doing here?!!

Cinder: I came to offer myself as a tribute!

Salem: *Confuse* Tribute? Tribute for what?

Cinder: For me to fuck your husband!

Salem: Excuse me?!!

Cinder: You said you were too old for you to keep up with him. So I'm here to help you, my mistress. *bows*

Salem: How dare you.

Cinder: Huh?

Salem: How dare you call me old! Get out!!

Salem makes some tentacles appear from the ground. They grab Cinder and throw her out of the room and into the hall, closing the door behind them. In the hallways, the girls just watch as Cinder is thrown into the wall like a rag doll.

Neo: "🤣🤣🤣"

Emerald: *Disappointed* Oh my god...

Inside the room

Salem: God, where did she get that ridiculous idea?

At that moment she feels something growing inside her.

Salem: Oh my! Did...Did you just get bigger?

Jaune: Sorry, it's just that you look very hot when you get angry.

Salem: *She takes his hands* I see~ So you like seeing me angry, huh?~

Jaune: *Nervous* Y-Yes

She yanks Jaune's arms out on either side of the bed.

Salem: Then let me show you how mad I can get~ *Kiss him*

Jaune: 💕!~

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wosemi-sama · 3 months

Text

i talked abt this on main a lot but heres the niigo roommates au fic that i came up w an eternity ago... also transmascfuyu as usual bc i love him.

intended lowercase!

yuki gets a fish - n25 roommates au

mafuyu had just left the pet shop. he was carefully holding a clear plastic bag with a betta fish swimming safely inside.

mafuyu walked towards his apartment, which was just a block away, as the cold wind blew against the back, his coat shielding him as he stepped on the wet sidewalk, still drying from last night's rain.

mafuyu finally arrived to his apartment complex, where his roommates were awaiting him. he took the elevator up to the floor he lived on and walked up to the door. mafuyu took out a key from his coat pocket and unlocked the door.

with a small click, mafuyu was at the doorway. he took a couple steps inside until he was in the living room.

"i'm home." mafuyu announced. he stared blanky at his roommates, waiting for an answer. he didnt have to wait much, because mizuki greeted him with a wave immediately.

"hello mafuyu." kanade's said softly without taking her eyes off the tv.

"hey mafuyu!!" mizuki looked back at him and waved. "you got the fish?"

"duh!!" ena put down her tablet and pen, pointed at the plastic bag in mafuyu's hand as mafuyu stayed standing there. mizuki rolled their eyes and looked at mafuyu again as kanade stayed silent, simply listening to the conversation.

"yes." mafuyu answered mizuki's question. mizuki stuck her tongue out at ena while she rolled her eyes, visibly annoyed. "i've been thinking..." mafuyu continued, "what should we name it?"

without thinking, mizuki blurted out possibly the worst answer ever.

"deez nuts."

everyone whipped their heads around in the blink of an eye and faced mizuki.

ena's brows furrowed, "are you fucking kidding me, mizuki- again???"

see, mizuki had been going through this phase recently where whenever they're asked a question, they answer with "deez nuts" and only "deez nuts". nothing else.

"seriously, what the fuck is wrong w-"

mafuyu interrupted ena before she could go on a huge rant, "alright, it's settled then."

"what?!" ena was shocked. "no way you're actually going to name it that!"

"i am." mafuyu deadpanned before walking up to the aquarium he set up next to the tv. kanade went to the kitchen and returned with a pair of scissors in the blink of an eye.

kanade handed mafuyu the scissors before he slowly lowered the bag into the aquarium water and cut open the plastic bag. he let the fish swim out before taking the bag out of the water.

mafuyu walked into the kitchen to throw the plastic bag in trash as kanade sat back down on her tiny spot on the couch. mizuki and ena looked at each other before mizuki stuck their tongue out at her again.

mafuyu took the fish food next to the tank and sprinkled some on the surface of the water. he went back to the apartment's entrance to take off his coat and shoes. it was quiet for a moment, other than the anime that was still playing on tv and the hum of the ceiling lights.

ena looked at mizuki again and interrupted the silence, "seriously, 'deez nuts'??? you've got to be joking, amia." ena looked off to the side, looking at the anime on tv, which suddenly peaked her interest as the protagonist was doing the magical girl transformation she does every episode.

"quit being such a hater!!" mizuki pretended to look hurt. "you wouldn't make fun of a child for being named 'ligma', would you??"

"yeah, i would!" ena crossed her arms.

mizuki gasped and put the back of their hand to their forehead dramatically, "how could you!! i'm literally reporting you to the police."

ena huffed, "well, news flash buddy, no sane person would name their kid 'ligma'! in the history of ever, actually!"

"well, i would!"

"why are you lying to prove a point you don't even AGREE with your own damn point."

"yeah you're right, i am." mizuki giggled before running off to their room and slamming the door shut.

ena sighed one of the most dramatic sighs as kanade did her best to contain her laughter. not a day went by when the duo made kanade laugh. she loved living with them.

#a letter from yours truly!💌#i dont like this one but i stay sooo fucking silly dude #kanade yoisaki #mafuyu asahina #ena shinonome #mizuki akiyama #project sekai fanfic #project sekai #proseka #puroseka #nightcord at 25:00 #n25 #25 ji nightcord de

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soullesserror · 7 months

Text

so i switch to tubbo and phil and they’re somewhere with another guard

and

tubbo build a dick, telling the guard to “inspect deez nuts”

the guard then builds a L in return

Tubbo builds a bigger dick

uhhhh

yeah hope you like the update guys

#qsmp

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angelofthenight · 2 years

Text

Deez Nuts (shitpost)

(Vance Hopper x gn!Reader)

Summary: Vance always falls victim to (Y/n)’s ‘deez nuts’ jokes, can he outdo the doer?

Warnings: Deez nuts jokes, Swearing, Dumb blonde Vance

Word Count: 1.3k

You and Vance lounged on the couch of your living room, you laid comfortably wrapped up in his arm as you both watched the television. Neither of you paid much mind to whatever show was playing, too wrapped up in the warmness of the cuddle to focus on anything else. The back of your head rested on his shoulder with his head leaning atop of yours. Everything was perfect. Nothing could disturb the peace.

Vance nudged your head up with his shoulder. “Get up.”

Well, except for that.

You turned your neck to give him a pointed look, not wanting to move. He didn’t seem too thrilled with your lack of cooperation. He raised his eyebrows and spoke with a stern voice, like he was a mother talking with her child. “I’m starving. Move.”

Refusing to budge, you shifted your body so that you were now laying across his lap with your head landing on his thigh. He looked down at you with annoyance, but you weren’t worried, you knew he wouldn’t throw you off, and you knew he knew that. “Just have some nuts.” You said with a light shrug and doe eyes.

Vance’s brows furrowed together in confused aggravation. He motioned around the room with his hands, gesturing that there was no bowl of nuts present. “What nuts?” He asked like you were stupid.

A smile spread across your lips, mischief laced within them. “Deez nuts.”

Vance blinked, frozen in a glare. He couldn’t believe he fell for that… again. That marked the third time this week, a personal record of yours. You smiled up at him so evilly as he clenched his jaw. Then he shoved you off his lap causing you to tumble to the floor.

Your eye caught the sight of the head of curly blonde locks as you slipped your way through the crowded hallways to reach your boyfriend. You finally reached him and instantly latched your arms around his muscular one. “So how did you do?” You asked as you noticed the returned test paper in his free hand.

Vance held up his test score with obvious anger in his composure. “How does it look like I did?” He grumbled angrily as a fat ‘D’ was displayed in red marker at the top of his page. You winced ever so slightly, you knew the grade was generous instead of an ‘F’ because the teacher was so terrified of Vance that he didn’t want another one of his coffee mugs broken. So you tried to lighten Vance’s attitude.

“Hey, think about it. It’s not a failing grade. D’s really aren’t that bad.” You comforted which seemed to have some effect. Vance looked down at you with a rare soft, hopeful look in his eyes. “D’s aren’t bad?”

You wanted to bite your tongue but you just couldn’t hold it back, a smile already shaking on your face. “Deez nuts aren’t bad!” You exclaimed in his dumbfounded face. His bottom lip fell from his top in wounded shock. He huffed through his nose as his head rolled around his neck, loudly growling out, “Fuck! I walked right into that one!”

Vance led you into his bedroom after your guys’ movie date at the Drive In. It started thundering and pouring rain during the middle of the movie so everyone left in a rush. He instantly plopped onto his bed to shake his head around to shake the water from his hair like a dog.

You stayed standing as you wringed your drenched hair with the towel Vance had given you when you passed the bathroom. “You shouldn’t shake your head like that, y’know.” You said with a concerned expression masked upon your face. “I heard you can get ligma by doing that.”

With eyebrows piercing together as he shook the drops of water from his curls with his fingers, Vance fell right into the trap just like always. “The hell is ligma?”

The smirk that patiently waited stretched the side of your lips as you said with a challenging tone, “Ligma nuts.”

Vance looked like he had just been slapped across the face. Until he then started gripping the air with a clenched jaw, “Oh my fucking god!” He yelled, not believing he once again fell for that stupid joke you love so much. “I’m gonna kill you, (Y/n)!” He yelled and lunged at you, tackling you to the floor.

As you both playfully wrestled around on the floor, Vance came to a conclusion. He was going to give you a taste of your medicine.

Giving you a taste of your own medicine was as far from easy as it could get. He could never pull the nuts joke on you, you were too much of a mastermind to let it happen. Now he’ll admit that he wasn’t the best at coming up with the jokes, hell, some of them didn’t even make sense which backfired the joke right back onto him. Or sometimes he would flat out give up halfway through. And you caught onto every single setup so you’d finish the joke before he could.

He tried to tell the jokes how you would but again, you would never fall for them. Either you were a sneaky evil genius or he was oblivious as fuck. He didn’t understand how you were so good at them. Your timing was always perfect, the setup was perfect, the execution was perfect. It always went so perfectly that sometimes he felt like he was just going along with a script.

He’s been at this for a little over a month, slowly losing hope that he would get back at you. Just like now as you stood beside Vance as his eyes followed the small little ball as it bounced around the machine, the number score flying high.

“I heard Candice almost beat my score.” He grumbled. He knew it wouldn’t work but he still tiredly tried. “Candice?” You made a face at the name you didn’t recognize. “Who’s Candice?”

Vance practically froze up in shell shock over the tone of your voice; innocently curious, unsuspecting, pitifully ignorant. His eyes went wide like saucers as he looked over at you. He thought he misheard, he thought he just heard wrong, he really couldn’t believe it. Even the tiny metal ball fell down to the bottom and lights flashing red to signify loss didn’t bother him as he exhaled in disbelief. A smile slowly spread across his face as more evil laughs in disbelief echoed from his throat, you starting to get slightly unsettled by his sudden change in behavior.

He pushed himself off from the pinball machine to poin his two index fingers at you. “Can deez nuts fit in your mouth!?” He yelled loudly in between victorious laughter. Your face dropped in shock, your lips parting as he continued to throw his hands in the air like he just won the world cup. Customers looked over aisles over hearing the Vance Hopper shout such a crude thing at his lover.

You exhaled with a wounded ego, looking around the floor in defeat. “Can’t believe you got me. Like… really got me.” You said like the impossible happened.

Vance still jumped around in victory, even slamming his hands on the pinball machine in excited happiness. “Fuck yeah! That’s what I’m talkin’ about! Don’t fuck with Vance motherfucking Hopper!” He jumped over to you to roughly grab your head in his hands to press his lips against yours as if it was his prize. He pulled away with accomplishment drenched in his pepped face.

You smiled at how cute he was so happy like this. Maybe you should fall for his jokes more often.

#vance hopper #the black phone #reader insert #vance hopper x reader #vance hopper imagine #the black phone x reader #the black phone imagine

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hirsheyskisses · 2 years

Note

Wondering what ideas you can write with this song ! 💛 I have been addicted to the song 😭 Im sorry-

❝MISTERRRR POGCHAMP!❞

ᥫ᭡┆Luca Kaneshiro x Reader┆ᥫ᭡

𖥔 Absolute Fluff 𖥔

°⌜ Summary: ...THE SONG?? HHEBSn- ⌟°

A/N: HELP IVE PUT THIS OFF FOR SO LONG IM SO SORRY - its ben in my box for weeks as ive tried coming up w ideas- ANON IF YOU SEE THIS LEMME KNOW WHAT YOU THINKKK!

A/N 2: IIIII WINGED THIS ENTIRE THING BUT I HOPE YOULIKE

❝Mr. PogChamp, bring me a dream.. Make him the cutest that I've ever seen!❞

Meeting Luca Kaneshiro? It was like a dream. He came into your life with a bang, his smile brightening any room he was in, shining brighter than the sun itself. That time you met the members of Nijisanji? It was the best thing ever.

❝Give him two lips like roses and clover.. Then tell him that his lonesome nights are over~❞

Everything about Luca was absolutely beautiful. His smile, eyes, jokes, everything. Luca had stuck around you, and you had been drawn to him; you stuck to him like sap to a tree.

❝PogChamp, I'm so alone.. Don't have nobody to call my own.. Please turn on your magic beam- Mr. PogChamp, bring me a dream!❞

Every moment with Luca Kaneshiro was amazing. A frown would never be on your face when you were around him; and when it was, Luca would be sure to turn it upside-down. The more you got to know him, the more time you spent with the mafia boss, the more you felt yourself falling.

Falling for everything about him.

❝Mr. PogChamp, bring me pudding (balls in your mouth) Make him the cutest that I've ever scream (Scream without the C) Give him the word that I'm not a bofa (both of deez balls)-❞

These damn jokes-

Hah, you thought you could escape them? The 'deez nutz' jokes, or any? You thought wrong. But it was another one of his charms. He could easily start a conversation with a deez nuts joke; and you especially adored when he allowed a bit of his unseiso side sparkle through the seiso.

Though, some did manage to truly fluster you. Luca could be really charming.

❝Then tell him that his lonesome nights are over PogChamp, I'm slobberon (slobber on these nuts) Don't have nobody to call Rhydon (Rhydon deez nuts)-❞

As you dug deeper and deeper into who Luca was, you'd find- he was naturally extroverted. So those many, many nights he'd spent alone, or in his weaker moments with you, you'd see he truly did get lonely.

Well, that was until he talked you, as a friend, to move in with him.

I mean, how could you say no to those damn puppy eyes?

So now.. every morning, you awake to Luca's sunshine, eat together, spend so much time together- and be even further subject to his deez nutz jokes. There was no winning against him.

Or getting away from his hugs, for that matter.

❝Hey Boss! Happy 200k! That's... Amazing! But you know what else is amazing? You… -I mean deez nuts-❞

Being able to always be at his side while he grew was amazing. But.. you saw past it. You truly knew him.

And he had your heart.

❝Mr. PogChamp (Luca: Yes?) bring us a dream Give him a pair of eyes with a "come-hither" gleam Give him a lonely heart like POGliacci (stop) And lots of wavy hair like Liberace❞

So, did you become a menace? Well of course you did. As you grew even more with Luca, you decided it was your turn to fluster him. Returning his energy with ease, reducing him to nothing more than a flustered mess.

❝Mr. PogChamp, someone to hold (someone to hold) Would be so peachy before we're too old❞

Cuddling.. Luca insisted on it. Movie nights? You better be in his arms, or let him in yours. Reading a book? Well don't mind him resting his head in your lap. Dreamily looking out the window? Hah! He's got you in his arms in a matter of seconds.

And if he's sad or sick.. Well, he wants hugs! Those are the magic cure.

...And he knew exactly how you felt.

❝So please turn on your magic beam Mr. PogChamp, bring us, please, please, please Mr. PogChamp, bring us deez nuts--❞

...Even before the two of you had "officially" dated..

...Luca asked you to marry him.

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barbararomance · 2 years

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Sooo what about quackity with a latin s/o and they speak spanish when they are with their friends cause they think they won't understand, maybe quackity gets a little cheesy or something? And maybe somebody else actually understand what they're saying (maybe Sapnap have been practicing or Niki, cause I think she does understand a little bit spanish) and quackity gets really embarrassed when he realizes they understand.

I really suck at explaining, sorry, but love ur writing ❤️

play with? quackity!

synopsis! oh couples and their disgusting public displays of attention, it's unfortunate for alex and y/n their friends understand español ...

read me! likes, feedbacks, and especially reblogs are highly appreciated; come talk to me if you wanna repost my writings on other sites please. hi beloved anon!! i apologize in advance if there any mistranslations i barely know any spanish barely passed those tests >< but thank you for appreciation of my work enough to send in your desired imagine, much love from me barb <33 // send more requests here!

word count! 0.5k

the gang met up consisting of quackity, y/n, karl, sapnap, niki, and minx! they had agreed to meet up at a bowling alley and proposed to even stream for fun like they always do! the gang all chipped in money so they can finally bowl and so they did. chat was easily amazed with how much all these streamers... sucked at bowling, tweets about it blowing up and clipped to those famous clickbaiting clip channels. however there was one clip that made everyones jaw drop... it was minx's turn to try getting the first strike since no ones been able to done it; literally the first one who'll be able to take down all the pins get bragging rights and everyone wanted just that. swinging the ball minx tried to find the angle to perfectly strike everything and yet she failed.. Ls flooded chat, but really the chat had been filled with Ls since as been told before.. NOBODY HAS STRIKED and everyone was off their game, but it was then y/n's turn and finally.. A STRIKE! they jump up and down happily, quackity joining them but stopping as y/n kiddingly flips him and the rest of the gang off in false arrogance. y/n had the ultimate bragging rights, "¿no soy simplemente brillante, mi amor?" they ask quackity – a smug smirk displayed on their face. "si claro mi amor" quackity giggled returning y/n's smirk with his trademark cutie smile. everyone else groaned at the cheesiness and the couple just blew raspberries at them, the gang except y/n and quackity simultaneously roll their eyes in bitterness. the game continued and fortunately a few of them striked like sapnap did twice and karl once, niki outdid them by three – they played for many rounds and chat was completely entertained with the perfectly ratioed points each of the gang got with y/n having the most and quackity getting the least, everyone wondered how these two lovebirds found one another but the way they looked at each other made them happy quackity and y/n did. the play was coming to an end, and with the camera panned to y/n and their lover – it happened, the most viral clip of the lovebirds' career. "absolutamente lo mataste hoy, t/n. tal vez más tarde esta noche puedas jugar con mi-" quackity was about to joke but was cut off by nikis laughter. "oh my god quackity,,, i don't know how i understood that, but please don't continue" she says in between fits of giggles – "what did he say??!" karl asked interested, minx and sapnap joining in with curiosity. y/n sighed before answering: "i don't know guys, but he invited me to play with his-"

"PLAY WITH DEEZ NUTS Y/N OOOOOHHHH LETTSSSGOOO CHATT" he yelled, everyone in chat OOOHHHing and everyone chimed in to – y/n only can be found facepalming with a smile on her face. and after the last stupid attempt at a strike, the gang left the alley and went their ways as the stream ended. y/ns phone blown with millions of notifications telling them about how they got deez nutsd by their own boyfriend.

#barbararomance wrote this!#quackity imagine #quackity x reader #quackity x you #quackity #to you my dear [redacted] anon ₍ᐢ. ̫.ᐢ₎

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atthebell · 5 months

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"enigma deez nuts bro" tubbo returning to his roots (insulting chatters)

#liveblogging

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sixthousandbees · 1 year

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so kill six billion demons has an interesting plot going on at the moment. recent plot summmary and musings after the cut, so spoilers

the main character is being trained by old drunkard swordswoman. we’ve spent a bunch of pages going over her backstory, of how she came from nothing, got taught by a mad old teacher who lives in a barrel, and eventually became a ruler of the sword and many realms besides.

she returns to her teacher to try and give her a boon, in thanks for the original training. the teacher is not impressed, and cuts her down by asking the question. sharp words instead of sword techniques. but because this is a fantastical story about swords, it has evolved into a sword technique.

the swordswoman turned rulergod is so devasted by her teachers words that she throws all the splendor and opaleance away, and makes a quiet life in the countryside. it doesn’t last.

____

naturally we aren’t given the question. I have doubts we’ll ever find out, its a bit like “whats the answer to life the universe and everything: 42, well then whats the question?!?”. in that the musings of a question provides a greater interest than any solid line of words.

oh no! my poor little brain. I started this whole post off because I had a fun thought for what the question could be, and I forgot it, but I have remembered it! Assuming we never find out the true question I thought it fun to imagine it along the lines of “whats updog?” “whats a henwey?”. this is backed up by the comic lines. “for a short while I did not realise I had been crushed like an insect” ... “and all she did was laugh and laugh”

these cutting words technique is what the main character is being taught now. I think it would be absolutely incredible. transcendent even. if the big big bad of the story gets KOd by DEEZ NUTS

#ksbd spoilers #ksbd #I dont think this is actually going to happen #and might be a bad way to end a story of several years #but I found it very funny #my brain brought it to me like a cat brings one dead wildlife #self satisfied slightly smug aura #dont normally appreciate these gifts #but this one was fantastic #I'll give the little brain gremlins the W this time

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jssysimp · 2 years

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mcyt reaction to a gen z reader

includes: philza, wilbur soot, dream, sapnap, george, badboyhalo, schlatt and tommyinnit

uses they/them pronouns if pronouns are used; some of the reactions might include irl meetings.

tw: mentions of self deprecating/dirty/with a bit of homicidal tendencies jokes! mentions of a lack of basic self-care!

philza

manz is concerned

became your dad figure with no hesitation (he knows his audience🚶‍♀️)

texts you at least once a day to make sure you at least drink some water and eat something too

some times he'll send you small reminders to do some basic tasks like brushing your teeth and take a shower (they can be hard some days, which is understandable babes)

when he finally meets you irl, he'll sit you down and talk about the lack of care about yourself

'an energy drink/coffee doesn't count as drinking water, you need actual h2o'

'the fuck is a h2o? sounds nasty✋😟'

when you make a self deprecating joke, he laughs at first but then looks at you worried

you have called him a boomer before, which made him a little mad because, my manz isn't old, he's just a little ahead of time 😕

wilbur soot

wilbur is kinda used to being with gen z, especially because of tommy

he just isn't used to someone who has been on stan twitter

the self deprecating jokes don't worry him much, it's mainly the dirty/homicidal tendency ones that make him worry

after you told him that you haven’t slept in 2 days with your reasoning being 'why not', he now always makes sure that you get at least 8 hours of sleep per day

he likes to brag about you like a big brother would tbh

'wilbur, it isn't that big of a deal...'

'you don't get it, they managed to not drink a single drop of caffeine today, im so proud of them :('

he's always confused on how you were able to live for so long since you don't take much care of yourself

fuck authorities!!!

dream

the chaoooooos you two cause

definitely laughs at your self deprecating jokes before asking if everything's fine

would put in the smp right away making sure your character always stayed by his side, like in a 'mentor-apprentice' type of relationship

in prison, he would be regretting the decision because you would pass the entire time making fun of him

majority of the time lore streams end up with dream breaking character because of you💀

'lmaooo, you're in jail, you loser.'

'you're also in jail??'

'it's just because i thought it would be lonely, i can always ask sam to free me.'

'child privilege...'

you call him chad all the time, chadream💪😼

fuck authorities!!! x2

sapnap

deez nuts jokes <3

arson is cool, arson is life (sometimes he doesn't know if you're serious or just joking)

dnf biggest shippers

platonic cuddles, especially after he found out just how touch starved you are🚶‍♀️

you have both agreed that you would be fighting when you first meet, frenemies <3

'how can i live, laugh, love when i can't commit arson with nick non-virtually?'

'we would not be committing arson irl y/n'

'pussy'

anime marathons on discord every week

you two facetime during meal time (either dinner or lunch) so you can eat together, and so he can know you have eaten at least once on that day

georgenotfound

you call him bottom all the time, it's up to the point he just accepted it

calls you a child in return (you don't really care, but you pretend you do just so he doesn't feel sad)

weird tiktoks goes brrr

he gets very concerned about the jokes

likes to hear your rants every time, especially your 'capitalism bad' rants

'y/n, you need to start taking care of yourself'

'ill do it when you start seeing colors'

*pulls out the special glasses*

calls you during chore days to encourage you into doing them so you don't fight with your parents/roommates/partner(s)

you have forced him to listen to the genre of music you like so much, he actually started liking it

badboyhalo

like phil, this man is concerned-

even if you don't swear, he's always saying language to you because of the jokes (you do try to not make them, but they just come out unintentionally😔)

he was confused when you looked so amazed and excited to know he has a gun and knew how throw knives because people would normally feel afraid

became even more concerned when you asked him to teach you on how to throw knives

the first time you mentioned you don't care about dying, he was this close to schedule an appointment with a psychiatrist😃👍

'LANGUAGE'

'okay boomer'

u have declared yourself skephalo's child💪😼

he would be always trying to stop you from making stupid and dangerous decisions 24/7💀

schllat

you roast him 24/7 and he's always PISSED because you do not give a fuck about what he says about you (he doesn't scream at you though because it makes you cry-)

fuck authorities!!! x3

both your humor senses are fucked up so he always laughs his ass off at your jokes

political jokes go brrr

boomer calling! boomer calling! boomer calling! boomer calling! boomer calling! boomer calling!

'why does everyone think im in my thirties?'

'it's the beard. plus you look old bestie.'

he always questions how you're still alive since you do not take care of yourself that well

bullying tommy goes brrr

tommyinnit

chaotic energy

self deprecating jokes are always part of your conversation

fuck authorities!!! x4

shit talking the other is the same as asking to get your ego destroyed

when the two of you have a plan, no one's be able to stop you even more if tubbo is with you guys

'what if i threw myself if a cliff?'

'probably die... let's do it together!'

you two stay up late together playing games

he always drags you along to prank people and when the person gets mad, he blames it on you and just leaves

#mcyt x reader #dsmp x reader #dream smp x reader #dream smp #dsmp #mcyt #wilbur soot #philza #schlatt #tommyinnit #badboyhalo #dreamwastaken #georgenotfound #sapnap

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