#the psychic damage this is dealing me. it makes my head hurt i cannot be normal about it 💆‍♀️ | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

felikatze · 3 years

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give me the a brainworms i am deeply invested in this man

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okay first of all you asked for this. second of all if i am a little off track from the game that is explained by me just building thoughts like building blocks without looking back. third i was supposed to be studying for an exam but this counts as practice right? it's character analysis anyway lmao.

buckle the fuck up, my dearest anon, because I have sub headings.

1. A as the Player Character

Let me begin with why I am obsessed with this horrid little guy in the first place: he's a silent protagonist. I am always obsessed with protagonists. It's a law of nature. I love taking hollow characters and dissecting them for scraps. It's a long standing practice of mine.

Being a silent protagonist, A, as X, does not have a set personality. However, there are patterns. Firstly, as any semi-silent protagonist, A is a reactive character. He does not start incidents, he only responds to situations, presented by the Sephirah, as they arise. He does not actively seek out new information, merely going about the routine of expanding departments, but expresses curiosity when information is presented to him.

I'm aware fandom likes to characterize X and A differently, likely because they are initially presented as different characters. I, on the other hand, would like to pose the theory that they are more similar than expected.

I believe that A is also a reactive character, rather than active. Despite the fandom wiki describing him as stubborn, the goal A pursues with such fervor, the completion of the Seed of Light, is not actually a goal he set for himself. Carmen is the one who set this goal for him by leaving him her legacy.

Throughout the backstory we get relating to the Cogito Project, A is Carmen's assistant, whereas Carmen is the driving researcher. This is how many of the City's inhabitants seem to be; going with the flow of goals set for them by superiors. Yes I will get into his attachment to Carmen later.

The above is not to say A isn't stubborn. Once he has accepted a goal as his own, he will pursue it at all costs, as is obvious from any and all flashbacks leading to horrible deaths. But the point isn't his pursuit of the goal, but where that goal comes from. Even Lobcorp itself supports this, despite what Hokma may say; A as X follows the "simple" task of managing the Corp's day to day activities, and executes any mission given to him by the Sephirah. He outranks them, and doesn't actually need to do their missions, but does so anyway. Players are driven by the reward offered by those missions, of course, and A might be the same in that regard. Nonetheless, at no point in gameplay do you do anything somebody else hasn't told you to.

The overarching narrative of the Script would be the most obvious example. Every single person in the game follows the script, whether they know it or not.

Lastly on this note, a phrase we hear attributed to A, "Machines must behave as machines." Now, Angela may be attached to this phrase because it bears significance to herself as a machine, and informs most of A's unjust treatmeant of her. However, what if it doesn't just apply to machines? The phrase reads as such, "Everyone must act according to their own role."

2. A, Carmen, and the disease of the mind

So, A will at any cost pursue goals Carmen set for him. Question is, why? The obvious answer would be saying he's in love with her, which like, true. But also, how did Carmen come to be so precious to him?

Let us return to the comparison, "This is how many of the City's inhabitants seem to be." We don't really know why exactly most characters joined Carmen, excluding mainly Daniel and Benjamin. But this does not mean we can't have theories.

Carmen's ideal was curing the "disease of the mind." What is the disease? Complete hopelessness. The inability to form aspirations and dreams, to think of a better future. A is a very reactive character who does not set goals for himself. Therefore, I personally conclude, that initially, Carmen's ideology resonated with him because he could identify with the disease.

This is the point where I start rewatching Lobcorp story clips. Dear god.

So, by briefly binging day 27 onward, I've come up with lines that very much support this lil theory of mine:

First, from Carmen, a description of the disease, "People lock away their own potential."

Second, a line from Angela, after the memory synchronization, "You've locked yourself in this prison without bars."

Carmen describes A as humble, and Benjamin thinks he is warm. If I suppose A was one of the diseased initially, Carmen would be the catalyst for this change. Carmen was someone with big aspirations, with plans to heal what is wrong with the City, and it gave him hope. He was one of the diseased, but through time with Carmen, with that relentless optimistic spirit, he may have been cured, for a time. It's not a stretch to say that she was his light.

But lor shows us what happens when the seed of light sprouts wrong, doesn't it? It distorts. A grasped hope for the first time and then it is ruthlessly crushed. Carmen was everything. Yes, A is described as a jack-of-all-trades, as a genius in all pursuits he puts his mind to, but what does that matter in the face of someone who can unite people? Who can give them hope of a better world? Who can inspire them to actually use the talents they have?

And what kind of pressure is it to put the legacy of a messiah in the hands of the diseased?

3. A and the Perception Filter: A is weak to White damage

No, I am serious about that. He's extremely weak mentally. Obviously death of a loved one is a changing experience for absolutely anybody, but Carmen's death destroyed him.

Not only did he refuse to confide this grief to anyone and bottled it up, now everybody looked to him to lead the project, but he just isn't Carmen. He isn't an ambitious person, he doesn't have the same optimism, he can't bring people together, but people expected him to, and he failed. Hard.

While he was without a doubt talented in science, he was also just an average guy.

After her death, A grew to hate humans. He lost trust in them. He refused to confide in anyone, and be confided in by anyone. Thus, the team fell apart.

In both lobcorp and lor, we get interesting tidbits about precations taken to protect the manager.

Firstly, Lobcorp's perception filter. The cartoony art-style of the game is a result of the game being in first person. Through the eyes of the manager, everything is cartoony!

This is a measure undertaken to specifically protect the manager's psyche. Angela tells us that, before it was deployed, the manager would frequently go insane, one notable incident including the manager trying to hang himself. When we first hear this, the previous managers and X are still separate in our minds. However, they're all A! A went insane multiple times without it.

This is understandable, considering that employees also frequently go insane and try to kill both themselves and others. But they're there in action, confronting the Abnormalities directly. Just watching them made the manager go mad. They could not handle the responsibility for the employees' deaths.

In lor, Angela explains why she picked the Rabbit Team from R Corp as their main contractor instead of any other team. One team was simply too big for L Corp's narrow hallways, and the other team... dealt in psychic damage. It was simply too big of a risk for the manager. But the manager is always secure behind the cameras. Would that teams methods just be that brutal visually, or would their attacks have reached the manager?

Combined with his immense grief at all of his friends and coworkers dying in part because of him, A cannot bear to look at death.

4. A's greatest flaw: Avoidance

A common thread during Core Meltdown flashbacks: A refuses to look at suffering. He just can't. Whether it be looking away from Elijah writhing on the floor or hanging up on Daniel's panicked report of death.

This is actually the thing Angela takes the biggest issue with, and what hurt her most. A would never look at her, acknowledge her, and she did not understand why. But I think A did not refuse to look at her out of maliciousness. Rather, it was out of grief over Carmen. He could not look at her without being reminded of what he lost.

Angela's creation came about because A wanted someone to guide him, someone like Carmen. He threw himself into the project to the point it made Benjamin happy that A was passionate about anything again. But as soon as the project he distracted himself with is complete, he is filled with regret. Carmen cannot be replicated, and he breaks again.

Furthermore, tying this back to my first point about A being a reactive person, we see Angela take charge over A. She's the one recruiting employees and leading the business. It was likely a relief for him to be able to step down from the leading position.

But avoiding it made everything worse. He did not act when he saw Elijah's unchecked ambition, he did not act beyond a simple check at Gabriel's decay, he gave Giovanni the same hope he clung to to no avail, et cetera et cetera.

Avoiding his problems is making them worse and sending everything down the drain (including his psyche), so he deals with it the only way he knows how, avoiding them more!

Biggest example of A's big avoidance problem as his psyche crumbles: the memory wipe. A, in perhaps his one singular moment of acknowledging his emotions, recognizes that he is incapable of fulfilling the Script in his current state. His grief is just too much.

By erasing his own memory, he could start fresh without his grief, because he might've really killed himself otherwise. His suffering became bigger and bigger, and he coped by avoiding it.

The memory wipe allowed him to distangle his problems. Through his interactions with the Sephirah (which I will not individually detail for the sake of my sanity and because I dumped all this on a friend on discord already), he can deal with and actually process his issues one at a time.

As the motto describes, only by facing the fear can he build the future. Only by finally facing his grief and acknowleding it, seeing that the past cannot be changed and he has no choice to move forward, can he actually do so.

5. The Sephirah as ghosts

Lobotomy Corporation feels like a ghost story. I've touched upon this in my previous A post.

As you reach the Corp's lower levels, there are less Sephirah. First there are four. They act like normal employees, and do not breach into the story's underbelly until you reach their core supressions and the facade breaks. Second, counting Tiphereth as one, there are three. They still go about their duties, but they know what they are. Third, there are two, and the facade is gone. They know what they are, and they will tell you about the sins of the past.

And finally, you reach Keter, and there is only one.

This gradual decay of the facade is what really gets to me. I said that by interacting with the Sephirah, A deals with his issues one by one, but that's what the Sephirah are, in this case. Representations.

The people the Sephirah used to be are dead, and the Sephirah are their ghosts. The core supression involve putting these ghosts to rest. Doesn't it match the progression of a typical ghost story? Find the ghost, find what they used to be, and help them move on.

So, if everyone is a ghost, then A is alone.

But, behind the scenes, the Sephirah are still there. They are still people, and they have changed for the better, too. As always, A simply does not look.

(Does he even see the good others see in him? Does he look away from praise, too? Did he even realize Benjamin's admiration for him? Will we ever know?)

6. A's end.

A's progression of moving on would be fine and dandy if it did not end as thus: A does kill himself.

A sees himself beyond the point of no return. Everyone is dead. He is alone. Carmen is never coming back. He can't call it quits now, or else everything has been in vain. (Even if the last days show us a part of him wants to just quit, so badly.)

So, there's only one thing left to do: follow the Script to its ending. Fulfill Carmen's legacy at all costs. Death as the ultimate release.

This is the point where I admit I do not like the death as release trope. But the game does a good enough job as presenting it as the only option A had, or the only option he saw himself as having.

However, I've mentioned it before, I'll mention it again: A was not alone. Death was his release, but he left wreckage. In order to end his own suffering, he inflicted the same pain he went through on others.

Throughout the game, he moves on and pushes through. The ending shows that in reality... he didn't.

At least in lor the characters stick together and help each other heal.

This has been most of my thoughts on A, amounting to my longest analysis post ever, having taken me approximately two and a half hours to complete, and clocking in at 2337 words including up to this paragraph.

Thank you anon for giving me the incentive to verbalize all of this, so I can finally be at ease having inflicted my thoughts on everybody else.

#Feli gets asked #lobotomy corporation #ayin #library of ruina #also i saw apparently another fandom besides lc uses the ayin tag which is just fun to watch honestly #many characters could rival this word vomit probably but as i said i already inflicted most of my thoughts abt netz on my good pal borgor #thank you borgor for dragging me back into projmoon stuff. also curse you terribly #long post #Feli speaks

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gffa · 5 years

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Star Wars - Dooku: Jedi Lost by Cavan Scot There’s a fascinating thing going on with Dooku: Jedi Lost that’s not remarked on directly, but is surprisingly consistently shown--that half-trained Force users are legitimately dangerous to themselves and others more than we might think, that exposure to the dark side of the Force (whether from within themselves or from an external source) can be disastrous if they don’t have the experience to control themselves. --> It starts when Dooku feels a tug through the Force, to find his biological sister Jenza and they tour through the Serenno Assembly Hall together, when he’s drawn to one of the sculptures, the connection he makes with it tears through his mind, the Tirra’Taka growling and he can’t look away from it, doesn’t even seem to hear Jenza when she calls for him not to touch it. But he does and the entire Assembly Hall collapses on them, trapping them underneath the rubble. Whatever was calling to him through the Force, he wasn’t trained enough yet to deal with it and he and Jenza are both badly hurt and need to be rescued. It tore through his head and made him scream in pain, not from the collapsing hall, but having that thing in his mind. --> Later, Dooku and Sifo-Dyas sneak into the Bogan Collection in the Jedi Temple, because they’re curious (and Lene Kostana tempted them into it, by leaving a few pages of a Sith bestiary out for them) and Dooku is drawn to a particular object, he’s fascinated by it. Another roar starts up in his head and he sees the Tirra’Taka again, this time not just in his head, but in front of him. In panic, he flings outward with the Force, shattering every cabinet in the room and knocking Sifo-Dyas into a wall of artifacts hard enough that his arm is broken. --> After that, Dooku is convinced that Lene Kostana is actually a Sith herself and goes to confront her. She dances around the subject, throwing out deliberate mild barbs and he can feel the dark side roiling off her. So he rushes at her, lightsaber drawn and she continues teasing him, testing him, taunting him a little. Then his attacks turns serious, he gets swept up in the furious rush of it, and she says, okay, that’s enough, let’s calm down. But he can’t stop, not until Yoda’s forced to intervene, and when things calm down, Dooku realizes the darkness he felt wasn’t in her, it was in him. He'd been so turned around by that anger and darkness, so frenzied by that darkness, that he couldn’t tell what was real in those moments. --> Awhile later, after Dooku attends his biological mother’s funeral on Serenno, it basically all goes pear-shaped and he’s deeply upset by it and Jenza’s rejection of him at the time. Because of this instability, when he and Lene and Sifo-Dyas continue their mission, he kills an entire group of smugglers in a rage, so deeply affected by the dark side on the planet that even Lene worries that he’s going to turn his blade on her, too. Dooku, relating this in the holo-entry says, "Perhaps I would have, blinded by emotions I could barely control, emotions she had stirred by bringing me to Asusto.” --> Then they’re then trapped in a special moss that that bombards them with mental images of war and fighting and the return of the Sith, all of this done so a weird cult can use them to generate visions of the future. This torture caused Dooku to lash out with Force lightning to kill them, which further slid him down a dark path. Because the Jedi Council would not approve of Lene exposing the Padawans to the dark side, she insists that they keep this all a secret and instead of dealing with it properly, she teaches them an ancient ritual that uses soaked bindings to help infuse them with the light side. --> Once Sifo-Dyas is Knighted, Lene continues to work with him because his visions are so severe that he still needs help, the burden of them so great that it’s caused him to develop a stutter. Still, Lene keeps taking him out to help her look for Sith artifacts that are out there in the galaxy that she wants to hunt down, because she’s convinced the artifacts are the key to telling if the Sith have returned or not. Ultimately, the missions that Lene was taking him on, the visions that she was encouraging behind the backs of the Council (whom she hid them from) and the missions he was in the middle of cause him to have a vision so strong that he writhes on the ground and his sanity fractures, damaging him even further beyond repair, it seems. All of these together, in just the one book, paint an incredibly clear picture of how the dark side affects Force-sensitives, how it takes so much discipline, an entire lifetime of it, to be able to handle it. That if users aren’t properly trained and take incredible care, they can end up hurting themselves and others, sometimes in ways that can’t be fixed. The Force is vast and mysterious and brilliant and wonderful and amazing and connection, but it’s also unfathomable and endless and dangerous if you push too far or get drawn into something you don’t have a lifetime of training to handle. This is why a Jedi needs the most serious of minds to commit to this--because the Force can and will wreck you if you’re not incredibly careful. It thoroughly wrecks Sifo-Dyas in this book. It sinks its claws into Dooku, who cannot move beyond it and we all know his fate. This is why the Jedi are so damned careful about the dark side--not that you can’t show darker emotions, because they did that all the time, but that you cannot just let them run wild in you--because we are given an entire series of events in this book that show us exactly how much damage the dark side can do and it’s really bad. It doesn’t mean that every single one who uses the dark side, who acts out of anger, will automatically be driven down that path, the Jedi would never have kept Anakin Skywalker around if that that were the case, because he acted out of anger a lot. And he was told to learn to control himself better, because it’s about disciplining yourself to turn away from the dark, as George Lucas says about how the Force works. The Jedi know that it’s part of everyone (they teach it to their children in the creche, as Qui-Gon says). The Jedi knew that of course it was possible to come back from the dark side, that’s why they help Quinlan and Prosset. But it does mean that the Jedi are absolutely right that the dark side is dangerous and, once it starts getting its hooks in you, it’s something you have to watch out for always. That it’s a lifelong challenge not to go down that road, to discipline yourself away from it. Not just because that’s a good lesson for all of us, according to the narrative themes of Star Wars, but because Dooku: Jedi Lost shows us multiple instances of how the danger level of that lack of control SKYROCKETS in Force-users. It causes visions to appear before them. It makes them doubt their psychic senses. They can’t tell if it’s the other person’s anger or their own. Those feelings linger with them and swoop around their heads until they’re lashing out because of the psychic empathic overload, sometimes killing people in that rage that’s shrieking in their heads. Dooku is frequently in screaming pain from the dark side invading him, because that’s what the dark side does. TL;DR: THE DARK SIDE IS REALLY DANGEROUS AND WILL WRECK YOU IF YOU DON’T HAVE YOUR SHIT TOGETHER. HALF-TRAINED FORCE USERS WHO DO NOT HAVE THE LEVEL OF MASTERY OVER THEMSELVES ARE SUPER SUSCEPTIBLE TO THIS AND CAN GET REALLY, REALLY HURT. AND DO GET REALLY HURT. (Quotes from Dooku: Jedi Lost for context under the Keep Reading!)

Dooku and Jenza in the Serenno Assembly Hall:

JENZA: (EMBARRASSED) We should probably get back. We’re not even supposed to be in here. (BEAT) Dooku? DOOKU: (NARRATION) A carving had caught my attention—an immense beast, larger than any malosaur, crawling up toward the domed ceiling. The creature’s crested head was thrown back, jaw stretched wide, roaring at the stars that were painted across the apex. Spines ridged its powerful back, wings spread wide as if ready to take flight. And then there were its eyes…eyes, though fashioned in stone, that burned with an intensity that was all too familiar… DOOKU: What is that? JENZA: The Tirra’Taka? Just another legend. “The dragon that holds the world together…” DOOKU: It’s beautiful. DOOKU: (NARRATION) I couldn’t look away, walking toward the sculpture as if in a trance. It looked so alive, so vibrant, as if any minute it could spring from the wall to crash through the columns that held the domed roof in place. I could feel the creature’s heart beating in my own chest, its roar echoing at the back of my mind… We also hear the roar of the Tirra’Taka. It’s distorted, low, rising in volume beneath the following exchange. JENZA: Dooku, what are you doing? Don’t—don’t touch it, okay? It’s supposed to be bad luck. DOOKU: So beautiful. The ground shakes, dust falling from above. DOOKU: (NARRATION) I barely even noticed the ground shifting beneath our feet, flakes of paint falling from the ceiling high above… JENZA: What was that? DOOKU: (WHISPER) Tirra’Taka… JENZA: Dooku—don’t! DOOKU: (NARRATION) My fingers brushed the stone…and the world was torn apart… A groundquake hits, shaking the foundations of the assembly hall. JENZA: What did you do? DOOKU: (NARRATION) I snapped from my reverie, cracks snaking across the polished marble before us. DOOKU: Me? Nothing? What’s happening? Another rumble, stronger this time. JENZA: It’s a groundquake. DOOKU: (NARRATION) But it wasn’t the scrape of tectonic plates that caused me to clasp my head in pain, but an impossible bellow slicing through my mind as easily as plasma carves through flesh… The beast roars in his head. DOOKU: (SCREAMS IN PAIN) JENZA: Dooku! DOOKU: So loud. Another roar. More rumbles. DOOKU: I can’t—(SCREAM) The full force of the groundquake hits, the walls cracking. JENZA:We need to get outside! Masonry tumbles from the domed ceiling, crashing to the ground nearby. All the time, the monster bellows in Dooku’s head. DOOKU:(PAINED) Make it stop! JENZA: Dooku! Please. We need to move before the roof comes down! Dooku! The assembly hall collapses on them.

Dooku and Sifo-Dyas in the Bogan Collection:

DOOKU: Hey. Look at this. SIFO-DYAS: Seriously. That’s what you want to look at? There’s all these…scrolls and weapons and whatever that creepy mask thing is, and you want to look at a lump of old metal? DOOKU: There’s something about it…something I’ve felt before. SIFO-DYAS: Doo. Look at this. I think it’s a parang. We start to hear a noise inside Dooku’s mind, a growl like he heard in the assembly hall on Serenno. Low. Ominous. DOOKU: (WINCES) SIFO-DYAS: Dooku? DOOKU: Can’t you hear it? SIFO-DYAS: Hear what? DOOKU: The beast below. SIFO-DYAS: Okay. Very funny. Drop the act. This place is spooky enough as it is. The growl intensifies. DOOKU: It’s coming. SIFO-DYAS: What? DOOKU: Coming for us. Coming for me. SIFO-DYAS: Okay, now you’re freaking me out. Let’s look at something else, shall we? The growl becomes a roar. YOUNG DOOKU: (HOLO-NARRATION) And then it was in front of me, Jenza, fangs bared, wings outstretched. The same creature you showed me in the Assembly Hall. The Tirra’Taka. I can’t explain how but I could see it, feel its breath against my skin, its spines bristling, ready to attack, ready to tear us apart. DOOKU: (SCARED) No. SIFO-DYAS: Doo, calm down. DOOKU: Stay back! SIFO-DYAS: Dooku, there’s nothing there. DOOKU: Can’t you see it? Why can’t you see it? Sifo-Dyas goes to grab Dooku, as—in the young Jedi’s head—the monster prepares to attack. DOOKU: (CRIES OUT IN FEAR) YOUNG DOOKU: (HOLO-NARRATION) I pushed out with the Force, every cabinet in the Archive shattering at once. Sifo-Dyas was thrown back, smashing into a wall as artifacts tumbled to the floor. SIFO-DYAS: (GRUNTS) Alarms blare. SIFO-DYAS: (GROANS) Why did you do that? DOOKU: It’s gone. The creature. SIFO-DYAS: What creature? DOOKU: You couldn’t see it? SIFO-DYAS: I don’t know what you’re talking about. (WINCES) Dooku scrambles up, running to his friend, glass crunching beneath his feet. DOOKU: Are you all right? SIFO-DYAS: (WHIMPERING) My arm. I can’t move it. DOOKU: That doesn’t look good.

Dooku and Lene Kostana’s Confrontation:

LENE: Why would I be testing you? DOOKU: To see if we’re like you. LENE: Like me? What about me? DOOKU: I can…feel it inside you. Frustration. Anger. LENE: Is that so? We hear the roar of the Tirra’Taka in Dooku’s mind. Distant, but insistent all the same. DOOKU: (WINCES) LENE: Initiate? DOOKU: I sense the dark side. LENE: You do? Another roar. DOOKU: It must be stopped. LENE: And you’re the one to do it? DOOKU: Yes. YOUNG DOOKU: (HOLO-NARRATION) I launched myself at Kostana, my lightsaber slashing through the air only to be blocked… LENE: Not bad. Tera Sinube said you showed promise. They duel more, lightsabers crackling.

[.....] DOOKU: I knew it. [STRIKE] You are a Sith. LENE: There haven’t been Sith [STRIKE] for a thousand years. DOOKU: They haven’t been discovered, you mean? [STRIKE] LENE: Ha. I like you, Dooku. A good fighter. [STRIKE] Brave. Willing to go toe-to-toe with a [STRIKE] Dark Lord. Or should that be Dark Lady? [STRIKE] I never know. DOOKU: [STRIKE] I won’t let you win.LENE:And what exactly will you do? Summon the beast you heard in the collection? [STRIKE] The beast you hear now? DOOKU:(SUDDENLY UNSURE) I…I didn’t hear anything. LENE:Are you sure? [STRIKE] You’ve locked it away. [STRIKE] But it’s still in there. In your memory. I can feel it. DOOKU:Stop it. [STRIKE] You’re evil. [STRIKE] And I will stop you. The fight intensifies, Dooku forcing Lene back against the railing as he strikes again, and again, and again. YOUNG DOOKU: (HOLO-NARRATION) I don’t know what came over me. I’d always been so careful to keep my emotions in check, just as I’d been taught, but…I couldn’t control myself. I hacked at her time and time again, forcing her back to the edge of the balcony. All I could feel was her anger. Her rage…at least, I thought it was her. I couldn’t think, I could only act…and all the time, her convor flapped around our heads. Cawing. Screeching. Ready to claw out my eyes, anything to protect its mistress… LENE: (DROPPING THE ACT AS SHE REALIZES HE’S LOSING CONTROL) Okay. That’s enough, Dooku. DOOKU:No, it isn’t. He’s becoming frenzied. LENE:Dooku. Stop. [STRIKE] Stop! [STRIKE] YODA:(FIRM) Stop. Yoda’s sudden appearance stops the fight dead. [.....] DOOKU: She admitted it herself…She was talking…about Darth…Darth Sakia… YODA: Sakia? There was no such Sith. DOOKU: How do you know? We can’t have known them all. YODA: But know Kostana we can. Reach out with your feelings. DOOKU: I did. YODA: No. Reached inside you did. DOOKU: What? Lene extinguishes her lightsaber. LENE: Go ahead. I won’t resist. Tell me…have I been touched by the dark side, Initiate? We focus on Dooku’s still-ragged breath for a beat and then… DOOKU: I feel…I feel nothing. YODA: Dooku. Your lightsaber. DOOKU: I’m sorry. I… He extinguishes his own blade. DOOKU: I was so sure.

Lene & Dooku on Asusto:

DOOKU: (UNSURE) Okay. Eyes closed, it is. LENE: Now reach out with your emotions. But this time, open your mind to everything, not just the light. Remember how you felt on Mantero. DOOKU: What? LENE: The anger you felt. The betrayal. Remember how your sister looked at you. Remember her fear. [.....] DOOKU: (NARRATION) I burst through the foliage, my lightsaber flashing. The Abyssin drew their pulse-blasters, but I was too fast for them, slicing through first barrels and then limbs. But then…I couldn’t stop. I don’t know what it was, my shame over what had happened on Mantero or the dark side amplifying my fury as kyber focuses plasma. By the time my companions reached the clearing, the Abyssin were dead. I’ve read that the lumbering aliens can regenerate limbs, but there was no coming back from these injuries. Cautiously, Lene ignited her own lightsaber, as if wary of me… LENE: Dooku. It’s over. They’re done. DOOKU: No. Their evil remains. DOOKU: (NARRATION)I turned, slicing down the piled crates, cleaving the nerve disruptors in two. We hear Dooku breathe hard for a few moments before extinguishing his lightsaber. SIFO-DYAS: You feeling better now? DOOKU: No. Not while scum like this still exists. This is what we should be doing, Sifo. Not meditating, safe within Temple walls. We should be out here, restoring balance by whatever means possible. LENE: (WARNING) Dooku. DOOKU: (NARRATION) It was as though she feared I would turn my ire upon her. Perhaps I would have, blinded by emotions I could barely control, emotions she had stirred by bringing me to Asusto. But I couldn’t have moved if I’d wanted to. None of us could. The moss Sifo-Dyas had first noticed had been slowly creeping into the glade, smothering the Abyssin’s corpses, rolling over our boots… [....] DOOKU: (NARRATION)I could barely hear Lene screaming at me to stop, couldn’t even hear the squelch of the moss as it traveled up my legs and over my back, drawing me into a cocoon.My head was ablaze with voices, ghosts of the past and echoes of the future. The ghostly voices assault him again, repeating, overlapping, becoming a cacophony. GHOSTLY VOICE: (JENZA) Brother. GHOSTLY VOICE: (YODA) Padawan. GHOSTLY VOICE: (ARATH) Idiot. GHOSTLY VOICE: (ANYA) Son. GHOSTLY VOICE: (GORA) Freak. GHOSTLY VOICE: (SAVAGE) Master. DOOKU: (STRAINED) Stop them! LENE: (PAINED) Padawans…this is an illusion…the dark side… DOOKU: You can hear them, too? SIFO-DYAS: The Force is with me. The Force is with me. (SIFO-DYAS REPEATS THIS OVER AND OVER AS A MANTRA, ADDING TO THE CACOPHONY.) DOOKU: Lene. I can’t block them out. Help me. OVERLAPPING GHOSTLY VOICE: (JENZA) Help him. OVERLAPPING GHOSTLY VOICE: (YODA) Help him. OVERLAPPING GHOSTLY VOICE: (ARATH) Help him. OVERLAPPING GHOSTLY VOICE: (ANYA) Help him. OVERLAPPING GHOSTLY VOICE: (GORA) Help him. OVERLAPPING GHOSTLY VOICE: (SIDIOUS) Help yourself. DOOKU: Lene! I can’t block them out. DOOKU: (NARRATION) But Lene was gone, consumed by the moss. Sifo-Dyas, too, was swallowed up, the moss pouring into his eyes, into his mouth. My lightsaber was sucked from my hands, the lichen numbing my skin. I thrashed and twisted, trying to free myself, but there was no escape… OVERLAPPING GHOSTLY VOICE: (JENZA) No escape. OVERLAPPING GHOSTLY VOICE: (ARATH) No escape. OVERLAPPING GHOSTLY VOICE: (YODA) Escape. OVERLAPPING GHOSTLY VOICE: (GORA) No escape. DOOKU: (CHOKING) Help me. Somebody, please. Help—(GAGS AS HE’S SMOTHERED) The moss squelches. DOOKU: (NARRATION) I couldn’t see. I couldn’t hear. I couldn’t even breathe. I was completely cocooned, consciousness slipping away… [....] Dooku’s scream dies in his throat like a man waking from a nightmare. He breathes hard as he finds himself back in the cavern. All is quiet. The chanting has stopped. Only a few of the torches are still burning, the others having gone out.Force lightning crackles over the rocks. LENE: (COMING AROUND) Dooku? How did we get down? DOOKU: (SHAKEN) I don’t know. She pushes herself up. LENE: (DISGUSTED) What’s that smell? DOOKU: (NOT SHOCKED) The Presagers. LENE: They’re…They’ve been burned to a crisp. But how…? Dooku turns. DOOKU: (SCARED) Master…I… LENE: Dooku. Your hands. DOOKU: (NARRATION) I looked down at the indigo light crackling around my fingers… [....] DOOKU: But…what are we going to tell Master Yoda? LENE: Nothing. DOOKU: But this isn’t like Mantero. The things we saw. (ASHAMED) The things we did. LENE: Dooku, listen to me. Yoda already has doubts about my work. He tolerates what I do, but if he found out I exposed two Padawans to the dark side… DOOKU: He’d shut you down. LENE: In an instant. This has to be our secret. Do you understand? DOOKU: It doesn’t feel right. He’s my Master. LENE: And it pains me to ask you, Dooku. But the work is too important, to the Order, to the galaxy as a whole. You see that, don’t you? Especially now. You’ve seen the dark side. You know what it’s capable of. DOOKU: What I’m capable of, you mean. LENE: No. No, I don’t. The visions. (DROPS HER VOICE) The lightning. That wasn’t you. It was that place. But you’re stronger. DOOKU:“The Force is strong.” LENE:“The Force is strong.” Don’t worry. Please. The future you saw, whatever it was, won’t come to pass. I can guarantee it. You’re a good man, Dooku. A good man.

Sifo-Dyas’ exposure to all of this causes him terrible damage:

BRAYLON: While I cannot get involved, I have a friend who doesn’t give a damn what the Council thinks of her. Footsteps approach. LENE: Hello, Dooku. DOOKU: Lene. Sifo-Dyas. When he speaks, we realize that Sifo-Dyas has developed a slight stutter. SIFO-DYAS: Your shuttle awaits. [....] RAMIL: Increase the voltage! The shocks intensify, as does Dooku’s resolve. DOOKU: I am Jedi! And I am not alone! The action moves back down to the ground… JENZA: (NARRATION) Below, on the ground, Dooku’s blade buzzed in my ear, while Sifo-Dyas writhed on the ground beside me, his mind aflame… SIFO-DYAS: It is now. Coming into focus. The future. And then, belowground, the Tirra’Taka howling. JENZA: (NARRATION) And beneath our feet, Lene struggled to hold Dooku’s beast in place. LENE:No. You must remain calm. JENZA: (NARRATION) For that was exactly what it had become. One mind. LENE:(HORRIFIED) No. JENZA: (NARRATION)Two bodies. LENE: Dooku! Don’t! The Tirra’Taka roars, louder than ever. [....] Deep below, the Tirra’Taka erupts into the air, bellowing. JENZA: (NARRATION) The creature burst from the shattered ground, scaled wings blocking out the sun. Sifo-Dyas laughed as he saw it, his sanity fracturing forever, as the droids looked up in confusion. But I knew what it was, a legend made terrifying flesh. Our savior. I sprang up, barging into the droid that held Dooku’s lightsaber, knocking it back. JENZA: (SHOUTING) Attack them! Now! JENZA: (NARRATION) The refugees snatched up the weapons we had stolen from the fleeing Abyssin, blasting the droids before they could regroup. We hear the sounds of battle, and the roar of the monster. SECURITY DROID: Attack the creature! Attack the— Force lightning swamps the droid before it can finish its sentence. JENZA: Energy burst from the Tirra’Taka’s maw, washing over the security droids. The monster swept down, snatching the melting droids from the ground, crushing their bodies between its hooked talons like magella nuts.A figure clung to its serpentine tail, fingers curled around obsidian scales. She jumped when she saw Sifo-Dyas curled in a ball in the dirt.

#count dooku #lene kostana #yoda #sifo dyas #jedi order #jedi #dark side #meta #novels #long post under read more

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the-stoned-priestess · 4 years

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When is it okay to ask a psychic?

The following is of a matter of opinion. Please know this is not information of absolute certainty however something I personally witnessed...

A psychics job is to act as a living guide. We are not party favors or human Magic 8 Balls. Our sole purpose is to provide POSSIBLE OUTCOMES regarding to your most important issues. If you follow our advice ( and you should) it’s is greater possible that you will receive the outcome as prophesied. If your desired outcome isn’t reached, it is at the fault of the querant. Not the psychic.

How can this be?

The universe is never set in stone. It relies on YOUR part. It’s like making a wish. You cant just sit out and wait for your wish to come to being and hope some tall dark and handsome is going to ring your doorbell or your promotion will come without effort! You have to take action and chances you probably never would have taken! Without action there is no future. You have to know your role as the responsible key player in your destiny. You have to follow the guidance you have been given with your heart AND your head. You wont have eyes to see if you lose your head and you will not succeed in seeing your desired outcome.

DO NOT shop around for psychics.

What I mean is, don’t ask the same question to different psychics in hopes of getting to heard what you want to hear. You will be disappointed and the universe WILL respond in kind by giving you exactly what you don’t want. Law of attraction dictates, Like Attracts Like. If you spend so much time worrying about your desired outcome and then enforce desperation, it is holding a mindset of LACK and if like attracts like, you will continue to see exactly that. Again, it’s not the psychics job to change your attitude.

Asking around using the same energy you put out can bring fourth confusing information. One psychic might say this and that but another might say something different or roughly the same. Putting out the unnecessary need to be sure is lack of faith. You have the accept the information given the first time or you will risk putting lack of faith (like lack of faith in psychics because you didn’t follow the advice) out there again for the law of attraction to present to you more reason to lack faith. What you seek, you find. Without faith, there is no future. Lack of faith is lack of esteem. Lack of esteem is lack of love. Without love, you know the deal.

What is selfish followship?

Say for example you want to attract a lover but you have to work on yourself before you can be ready for such a relationship. What a lot of people tend to do is practice what the psychic or spiritualist suggests as advice, but instead of following the advice for themselves in a healthy way, they do so with the only intent to “attract” love. This isn't how it works. Your self improvement is a serious matter. You change because you really want to and it doesn’t stop when you have gotten your soul mate/twin flame. The work you do for yourself, is so that you can give the same love you have for yourself back to your lover. An empty cup cannot and will not fill another. This is how relationships fall apart. Again, not at the fault of the psychic. You know that saying:

You can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make them drink!

Doing your own inner work with the sole purpose to evolve spiritually is whats important. Going at it selfishly to stop because you got your lover or feel you don’t see the benefit means, you are selfish and therefore do not posses the right attitude to proceed and run the risk of failure. When we don’t learn from our mistakes, we repeat the process until we get it right. Think back to a time in your life when insanity played a part where you kept choosing the same situation or people in your life expecting a different result.

Then the universe is like:

The sooner you find the pattern, the likely-hood you will get your desired outcome. But in combined to taking the advice an intuitive gives you, changes are even greater and who knows, could be better than expected.

Asking a psychic multiple questions is bad ju-ju too.

As a psychic, when I first started out, the first thing I did was go to my cards for every little thing. I’m not perfect. What I learned is that it’s no different than cheating on a test or depending on a therapist to tell you what to wear on a date. Petty things like that is unhealthy and should be recognized. Some psychics will happily take advantage of the client who also want to take advantage of the “Human Magic 8 Ball” who is charging for the help. Is it a win-win? Not exactly.... I have learned this is wrong. You have to know when to stop because it further hurts your spiritual progress on BOTH the psychic and client. I strongly feel taking money off other’s like that is bad ju-ju in return. Probably 10x on the psychic that used your weakness for financial gain. Especially if there is financial gain. A psychic should use ethics and common sense when presented with a person this way, it’s not so they can take advantage. In itself it’s a test on their ethics as well. Hopefully they learn how to cut someone off. It’s hard because I want to help but we psychics need to know when it’s helpful to a client.

Going to a psychic for everything isn’t helpful. It’s damaging your power and self-esteem. You don’t need to cheat on the tests of your human existence on earth. Life is full of tests, tricks, twists and turns. Embrace these things! You have everything you need right there with you. Yes, I understand anxiety. But that is a problem YOU have to solve on your own without someone constantly holding your hand. If you can’t do that, you are sure to miss out on what is rightfully yours and it’s not at the fault of the psychic.

So WHEN is it okay to ask a psychic?

Like seeing a therapist, if you need guidance or to gain insight on your spiritual development, once a week is good --so that you can take a week or however long to process the information and make moves. I started once a week and eventually it fizzled down to just a few times a year on the spiritual path. But these days I will do a reading when there is spiritual information my guides need me to know that can’t be heard at the time for whatever reason. I RARELY seek guidance about my future because I don’t like knowing too much. So I wont go out of my way to cheat through life like that. It still freaks me out when a vision comes to life. You don’t want that. TRUST me!

Not every session has to be about future love, career, relationships or finances. Need not worry about the future. It’s much better to seek help on what is happening NOW in the present. What ever future outcomes you get, always take with a grain of salt. Focus on the here and now. What is it you can do NOW. I suggest using a psychic to help you understand how and why of a situation. To gain insight on whats currently happening and what you need to change. That’s it! The possible outcome is just details. The how and why are KEYS to get you to your possible outcome! Use the keys to open the door. If you don’t use the keys, you will forever be stuck outside.

To put bluntly:

If you put so much focus on a possible outcome, without regard to advice or spiritual work you need to do, you don’t need a psychic, you need to seek professional help. Anxiety is a serious problem. Without talking to a trusted friend or a licensed therapist, you can’t expect to see your possible outcome! Anxiety goes hand in hand with depression and people suffering should not seek advice from a psychic. If you see a therapist and hire or acquire the aid of a psychic use both to help you along your journey. But again see a psychic to help with the here and now as you would with a therapist. Future details don’t matter until you can live in the present.

I know plenty who see a shamen, a therapist and psychiatrist. One of them is my brother and he’s made such great progress on his spiritual journey that I’m proud. He’s learned to do tarot reading and pendulum dowsing as well and respects the process by using these tools to help evolve on his unique journey.

There are exception to every rule however, I wouldn’t focus on that in this case because it’s not helpful to anyone.

TL;DR

You don’t need to see a psychic for every matter of your life and you don’t need to put so much focus on your desired outcome. Each possible outcome is dependent on your involvement. Lack of faith by asking numerous psychics, lack of patience by asking the same questions, and poor spiritual attitude doesn’t give you what you want and deserve. We psychics cannot make things happen. We provide the tools and it’s up to you to use them. Know when to stop seeking intuitive advice and learn how to cope with anxiety in healthy ways. Know you are powerful in your own way. You are deserving of happiness and...

...if you truely believe it, work for it, you can and will achieve it.

Thank you for reading.

#ask a psychic #ethical psychics #psychics of tumblr #mediums #psychics #advice #tarot readings #tarot cards #keen #oranum

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mailorderfictionalcharacter · 7 years

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a list of semi coherent thoughts I’ve had about mcu wanda maximoff

0.5 this post is open to discourse. if u are unwilling to see viewpoints that are pro wanda or anti wanda this is not the post 4 u.

1. wanda runs off of very powerful emotions and that’s an a + character trait. her rage fueled grief and power is just fascinating to watch.

2. ew whitewashing why do you do this to me mcu. stop. enough.

3. yeah it’s kind of ridiculous to kill the ex-ceo of a weapons company that killed your parents as compared to whoever fired the missiles or whoever ordered said military action but it’s not that ridiculous if you apply the barest modicum of generous interpretation to it.

Tony Stark was emblematic of the very destructive American ideal of we’re great and right and coming with guns. Going off of IM2, even as he was doing great things (”I’ve successfully privatized world peace”) his performance was still very um American (”no one’s man enough to go [against me]”). Like as audience members we get it but I could see how that sort of look-at-me attitude would not ring like redemption to someone in that much emotional pain. Like, you could easily read their actions as being about attacking every American/foreign influence figure head, which is sort of supported by the fact that the twins wanted the avengers down not just Tony Stark.

If the weapons were illegally sold there’s no guarantee the twins knew that Tony wasn’t responsible. It’s possible Tony leaked the truth about Obadiah after the “I Am Iron Man” press conference, but the original plan was a SHIELD coverup.

I’m not inclined to conflate profiting of our wrongs or moral ambiguities on the same moral level as instigating wrongs, but it’s also up in the air whether or not Stark Industries cared about collateral damage in the design of their weapons and that’s something the twins could legitimately blame them for. IM1 canon is a mixed bag - we have intellicrops (concern for philanthropy) but we also have, y’know the Jericho (the weapon that levels mountains)

(read more under the cut)

tl;dr: wanda is a fascinating flawed character who suffers from writing problems but she’s also wearing the name of a jewish/romani woman even though marvel studios is too much of a coward to translate that to film & i’m perpetually bitter and indecisive about everything.

4. the twins had enormous social factors encouraging them to hate the avengers/america. even american media was questioning the avengers; shield had fell; people were putting up anti avengers graffiti

5. considering the twins spent their formative years in a country at war and lost their parents I’m assuming they went through quite a few economic hardships.

6. what sort of access did the twins have to media or education?

7. I’m not inclined to blame the twins for their desire to get revenge but it is worth noting that they seemed to have very little concern for collateral damage even though the only thing we as an audience knows for certain is that the whole reason they’re seeking revenge is because of collateral damage.

8. there’s a gap of 8-12 years between the death of their parents and their attack on the avengers. no matter what mitigating circumstances there were (and I think there were a lot) that’s a premeditated crime

9. there’s a lot of parallels between wanda maximoff and kira nerys except the writers on Star Trek: Deep Space Nine actually cared about Kira Nerys.

10. both of Wanda’s major fuck ups (willingly unleashing the Hulk on Johannesburg and failing to protect everyone in Lagos) happened in African countries. I believe in some suspension of belief for superhero movies but I’m not sure it’s entirely appropriate to be like hey! look at Wanda! the whitewashed character who fucks things up in African countries! such girl power! great anti-imperialism message!

(I mean, the same disregard applies to all the avengers though. I’m pretty sure the safest interpretation of Lagos is “the avengers could have done better by not fighting in proximity with a bunch of civilians” which is on Steve. And unless I fever dreamed this Steve tosses his cowl at the feet of anti-avengers graffiti in the beginning of aou and there is nothing appropriate about that).

11. Wanda was introduced in AOU, a movie with sub par dialogue and tbh I have a feeling Whedon et.al never thought through the implications of Johannesburg bc he just wanted a convenient way to introduce a hulkbuster fight.

12. tbh I really want a scarlet witch movie to fix all of this but I also really want a recast and I know I won’t get either (fanon wanda is the best because we can fix all of this with a hammer).

13. CA:CW seemed to draw on a lot of Wanda’s comic history (specifically in the oppression metaphors) but since it followed the clusterfuck that was AOU I can’t exactly give them a standing ovation for that.

14. ca:cw did a very bad job following through wanda’s plot threads from aou. tbh I’m not even team we need to stretch Wanda’s redemption arc further but idk, it might be nice if she mentioned her dead brother or tied the Lagos incident/Sokovia accords to, idk, her past living in a war zone.

15. ca:cw could’ve given me wanda wryly commenting on how luxurious the compound was compared to sokovia but instead it gave the should-be-jewish character a cross in her bedroom and fuck that marvel why don’t you just stake me through the heart so I don’t have to deal with your bullshit

16. I wish wanda in the airport scene was more about her desire to do good (go stop the supersoldiers) than the awkward oppression metaphor

17. although push come to shove I would’ve focused on poverty/american foreign intervention over calling the powers she volunteered for the source of her oppression the whole raft scene does demonstrate that people whose powers (or even training) cannot be separated like say Sam and the Falcon or Tony and the suits face a special criminal justice risk.

but this isn’t really relevant to the accords, which are not the SHRA and honestly the same ethical problem of how to incarcerate enhanced people exists whether or not someone is acting as a superhero (is it ethical to put a psychic murderer in solitary confinement if that’s the only way to prevent them from using their powers to escape or assault guards?)

18. according to beta canon/film subtext wanda & pietro did not willingly sign up to work with hydra. Just good to remember.

19. I will forever be attached to the idea of wanda liking Vision’s company because he is both practically invulnerable (not going to get shot 7 times on a floating city) and emotionally dependent on her support (just like Pietro). (this is not implying twincest btw)

20. I think wanda’s house arrest in ca:cw is not completely unreasonable (she’s probably awaiting investigation & is at risk of being hurt/hurting others from mob violence) but definitely steve (and probably natasha & sam) should be under house arrest as well. but they aren’t, and I think it’s fair to say that in universe that’s xenophobia/anti-immigrant sentiment. why be afraid of the american icon when you can be afraid of the poor sokovian woman?

21. antis make way too much of the whole “she’s just a kid line”. like steve was responding to tony calling her, a human being, a weapon of mass destruction. like, he was just trying to humanize her and calling the youngest person in a group a kid even when they’re an adult isn’t that strange.

22. in lagos wanda was trying so damn hard to stop that bomb and yes she didn’t manage it but blaming her instead of steve? uh gross.

23. how much experience does she have? yes tony stark throwing himself into superheroics worked out surprisingly well but superheroes need training

24. I insist marvel release a 22 page dissertation on wanda’s mind powers but also if I don’t like it I’ll call it not canon. (my initial theory was that she produces ptsd symptoms - even if the person normally doesn’t suffer from ptsd - but something in the confidence that she can manipulate tony before entering his mind makes me think she has slight suggestive abilities beyond fear and also thor’s vision arguably followed a different vein)

25. antis like to argue that the maximoffs only turned on ultron because it benefited them but let’s be clear the maximoffs fought ultron because they thought he was wrong and wanted to personally help. they could’ve just tipped off the avengers and left or left ultron to do whatever ultron was going to do and only fought him if he directly came after them okay the twins had options and they chose the most altruistic option.

26. ppl who say wanda isn’t really whitewashed because marvel’s decades of retcons have whitewashed her at past points are pretty much using a two-wrongs argumentative fallacy.

#wanda maximoff #pietro maximoff #wanda maximoff critical #pro wanda maximoff #anti wanda maximoff #ptsd mention #ptsd cw #anxiety cw #mcu #this is what I do when I'm nervous whoops

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sulfurousdreamscapes · 7 years

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Everything the microphone recorded, the speaker forgot. It took me a while to discover this, but since then, I’ve been extra cautious with what I say when the microphone is turned on. Thankfully, I’ve always been stingy with when I turn the microphone on, so I haven’t forgotten much myself.

I was out of a microphone and I found a stupidly good deal on Amazon. The seller was really obscure, and located on the other side of the country. There was only one item left in stock, so after five minutes of careful, laboured consideration, I hit the buy button. The product was delivered in only a couple days.

Now this is where things get murky. I recall turning it on, but I cannot for the life of me remember what I said. I used it to Skype with a friend, and I remember that my friend and I talked about cats, and then her travels, and then clothes, and I don’t recall a word of what I said to her. I didn’t notice it right away, but within a few days, I made the connection. The microphone was sucking in everything I said.

I took it to an interview. I set up the laptop, and the microphone. I had the questions before me. Simple, basic questions for an artist. What are your inspirations? What time do you work? When did you start doing art? The usual questions. We talked for an hour, and had a great time, and every time I said something, I was reminded of the fact that I was going to forget it soon.

After the interview was done, I disconnected the microphone.

“It’s all in the file now, but I just wanted to clarify,” I said, “Did you cite Pixar as an inspiration?”

They frowned. “I…” they began, and then I felt a perverse glee inside me as I watched them struggle. “I’m not sure,” they said, smiling nervously. “In fact, I’m not sure if I have any inspirations at all.”

I nodded, and then played the file back, the exact part where they cited Pixar as an influence.

“What?” was their first reaction. I could relate. “I said that? I’m not sure if that’s… but I think Pixar makes sense,” they touched their head.

I laughed it off and suggested they get some rest. Of course, there was a lot more to it than that, but I couldn’t risk telling them. I couldn’t risk telling anyone until I’d figured out the exact level of hijinks I could inflict with this microphone.

I looked up the seller on Amazon. They were gone. No trace whatsoever. The item still showed in my purchase history, but the seller URL went to a dead end.

While I sat at home, I played back the interview file. Everything the artist had said, I remembered. But listening to myself talk was like listening to someone else with a voice uncannily similar to mine.

I connected the microphone again and recorded a file, in which I explained to a future version of myself everything that I knew about the microphone. Then I disconnected, and I forgot. Then I played the file back, and stared at the microphone in amazement.

I could hardly believe myself.

Inside the folder, there are about two dozen audio files of various sizes. Each one is neatly labelled, complete with a date. They list my fears, my bad memories, trauma, broken relationships, cringeworthy moments, all of which I’d spoken at length about, as if I were in therapy. At least, that’s what I think is in those files, judging by their names.

The microphone that steals memories had become the ultimate medication for me. If I can’t remember anything bad about myself, it wouldn’t exist, right? And yet, that’s not how it worked. Rather than cleanly removing the bad memory, I was left with a dark, seeping hole in my memory. Somehow, I could tell that a memory existed there, and that it was gone. I didn’t know if the memory was good or bad—that had been replaced with a suspense. The suspense of not knowing whether that was a memory I shouldn’t have forgotten.

Sometimes I’d listen to a file if it really, really intrigued me. Most of the time, I’d just sink my head into my hands and wonder to myself why I’d let myself regain that memory. It was not worth it. So I’d delete the file, and record the memory again. Once done, I’d take a deep breath and try to remember it. It was gone. I couldn’t remember what I’d said.

A new hobby. I’d keep the mic connected and walk about town, recording the city. Me, I wouldn’t say a word during these excursions. But the people around me did. Once I was back home, I’d play the file back to me as I did my chores and browsed the internet. Everything that was said had been forgotten. The woman talking about how living in London is like. The boy discussing autism. The girl asking for an Oscar Wilde book at the book shop.

I was cleaning out everyone’s memories. Was it fair? Was I doing them a service?

I forgot.

I took the mic with me to press conferences, and talked to sportsmen, actors, directors, politicians, city officials, painters, writers, musicians. I asked them questions, and I asked them bare it all. All the deepest, darkest things they could think of. Of course, they never did talk about their deepest secrets. But what they did, they forgot.

And surprisingly, it hit the news. ‘An outbreak of amnesia’, the headline said. I couldn’t publish my interviews, I’d realised a long time ago. But this growing epidemic of amnesia was something I wasn’t sure how to handle. Do I continue recording the world, filling up their minds into my hard drive?

My head hurt. For some people, headaches are very common, but they’re actually quite rare for me. I took it as my body voting for the 'no’ camp. And to be fair, the mind was a part of the body. I’d been abusing my body, I realised.

And I’d been abusing every single person in this town.

I listened to the audio files every moment I got that I wasn't recording. The microphone was a weapon, and it gave me a power—a power I didn't know what to do with. They say that knowledge is power, so I hoarded it. I took notes, but the notes poured over themselves. I can't hold the city's secrets to myself. I can't hold the secrets of all the famous people I'd interviewed. I wasn't worthy of keeping them with me. I wasn't worthy. I wasn't worthy. I wasn't worthy of this microphone.

I considered breaking it. Of course, going public with it would only invite ridicule. No one would believe me. I had to break it, I thought. To make sure no one can use it again. I wasn't sure who had given me this unusual device or why, but I knew that it was a curse. A burden I couldn't possibly take on.

I cried.

I couldn't do it. It didn't help that a part of me was conjuring bizarre fantasies of unleashing technological curses that might spread every which way if I were to destroy the mic. What if it is some ancient mummy's curse? Wouldn't want to risk it.

So instead, I watched the city destroy itself. The situation got worse by the day. I'd stopped recording, but the damage was done. So much had been forgotten that the entire infrastructure had stopped functioning.

I'd wounded people, I realised. Wounded them without their knowledge. It wasn't unlike shooting them down, or exploding a bomb in their faces—the victims wouldn't know what hit them. And that's how it was: my victims didn't know what hit them. They were living angry, distraught, frustrated lives as they struggled to remember memories that had been stolen from them.

Memories that were about to be deleted if I chose to hit the OK button on the format dialog box.

I paced around. I had lunch. I watched a dumb comedy show on TV. I checked my mail obsessively, which was full of confused messages from people asking if I knew what they'd talked about during their interview.

Finally, I hit OK.

Everything on the drive disappeared.

All the memories of the city, everything people knew, about themselves, about others, about the things that mattered and the things that didn't.

It was a fresh start. A new beginning.

Maybe this was the power that I had been granted, after all. The power to start things anew.

Even as the city descended into chaos—deep, psychic chaos, I was the only person who knew. I put the microphone in a wooden box and drove out into the desert outside the city. I drove for a couple of hours, and then buried the box in the sand, somewhere far away from civilisation.

I wasn't stupid. I knew someone would find it.

Thankfully, all I had to do was talk about what I'd seen the next time I saw the microphone, and then it would stop mattering.

Today’s throwback story is inspired by the excellent Zen and the Art of Transhumanism.

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inhumansforever · 7 years

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Uncanny Inhumans #19 Review

spoilers spoilers spoilers spoilers spoilers spoilers spoilers spoilers spoilers

The penultimate issue of Uncanny Inhumans and a continuation of the IvX tie-in from the creative team of Charles Soule, Ario Anindito, Kim Jacinto and Java Tartaglia (with another awesome cover from Fraizer Irving). Full recap and review following the jump.

There’s nothing good ol’ Maximus loves more than chaos. And with his fellow Inhumans embroiled in a war with The X-Men, Max has found the perfect opportunity to stir the pot and sew further mayhem. It’s not yet entirely clear what the mad prince has up his sleeve, but it’s certain to entail a good deal of hurt feelings and and property damage.

Utilizing Lineage’s powers to commune with the sentience of ancient Inhumans, Maximus has learned the secrets of engineering artificial Terrigen Crystals. It is the shortage of Terrigen, coupled with the fact that The Terrigen Cloud has proven poisonous to Mutants, that has led to the Inhuman/Mutant war. Maximus’ plot to create a new source of Terrigen may, in concept, bring about an end to the conflict… at least that is what he has told Triton in recruiting the banished Inhuman into his schemes. What exactly Maximus has in mind, his ulterior motives, however, remain to be seen.

The issue begins off the coast of Vietnam where the unlikely team of Max, Triton, Lineage and The Unspoken begin their venture to collect the various components and ingredients necessary for engineering Terrigen Crystals.

Maximus presents it all as some sort of heroic journey, yet the endeavor does not seem to have anything to do with heroism. Triton is there because he seeks redemption for his crimes; The Unspoken is seeking Terrigen because of the awesome powers it endows in him; Lineage is merely looking for the opportunity to stab Maximus in the back and seize power; and Maximus appears to be simply interested in it all for kicks.

Plunging far into the depths of the South China Sea, the team comes across a gapping maw on the seafloor that is actually a mouth leading to hidden kingdom of undersea creatures. Triton and the others have to fight off an army of these monstrous crustaceans as they proceed further on.

The Unspoken grows increasingly bemused by the situation. It’s not only that the affair has ruined his six thousand dollar Ferragamo loafers, but Maximus’ continued disrespect rankles The Unspoken as an effrontery to his status as royalty. He reminds Maximus that he had been the King of The Inhumans and demands that he be treated as such. Maximus is unmoved by the threat, yet acknowledges that he is quite aware that The Unspoken is indeed a king.

The team makes it further into this strange realm and eventually come across the court of the creatures’ queen. It turns out that the roe this queen produces, her eggs, are a key ingredient in creating Terrigen and Maximus has come to bargain for a cache of this roe.

The Queen (who oddly enough speaks English) is suspicious of Maximus’ intentions. What could he possibly have to offer that would incline her to trade away her precious roe? Well, it proves that Max does indeed have something she wants... something every queen needs, a king. Maximus offers The Unspoken, a true king, as the queen consort in exchange for the roe.

It’s not clear if Maximus is using his psychic powers for manipulation, but the queen accepts his offer. What is clear, however, is that Max very much has to use his powers to coerce The Unspoken to accept the bargain as well…

The Unspoken is left behind to a fate befitting his lousy character and the others leave with their prize in toe.

The ‘heroic journey’ continues on, taking them all over the globe as Maximus collects more of the rare components needed to create Terrigen. It turns out that a good third of these ingredients are unnecessary and Maximus has had the squad collect them simply to keep them guessing and maintain his being the only one who knows the recipe for Terrigen.

They end up in Mumbai, where Maximus procures the final ingredient. They are met there by Banyan, an Inhuman villain Maximus had reached out to in the previous issue. Max has instructed Banyan to make preparations, assemble some sort of machine that can be used to combine the ingredients they’ve collected and transfer it all into Terrigen.

Maximus asks Banyan for word of the Inhuman/X-Men War and Banyan replies that it has been waging on worse than ever. “Excellent,” Maximus says. “For you see, my friends, it is times of greatest adversity that gives rise to the greatest of heroes.”

He then goes on to add, “for example…” At which point the scene shifts back to the shores of the South China Sea where a large prawn-like monster arises from the depths and makes its way to land…

And it’s with this bizarre, unexpected and unexplained turn that the issue comes to an end with the promise of being concluded in the next (and final) installment of The Uncanny Inhumans.

Well, that was different… A fun albeit silly ride. And the silliness of it all leads me to believe this arc will not have a significant impact on the overarching storyline of IvX; that rather it’ll be self-contained and not a central element to the conclusion and resolution of the Inhuman/X-Men War. But that’s not to say it isn’t worth reading. Writer, Charles Soule, really excels at scripting Maximus; offering the character an irreverent and manic charm that is terrific fun to read. And there are a number of especially funny scenes… though it is Lineage who gets the best line of dialogue.

Laughs aside, I’m growing increasingly concerned over Triton’s fate as this chapter of the Inhumans mythos comes to an end. His quest for redemption has a strong tragic air to it, offering credence to the notion that he may be heading toward some sort of heroic, self-sacrifice in order to finally redeem himself.

I kind of hope this is the last we see of The Unspoken. He never clicked for me as a satisfactory villain for The Inhumans. The fate that befalls him in this issue, married off to the grotesque prawn queen, is rather befitting and I kind of hope this proves to be his ultimate fate (although I doubt it).

Really no idea what to make of the last scene. Has the Crustacea Kingdom sent some sort of monster to bedevil the land-living world? Is this related to the Monsters Unleashed event? Is it all a promotion for the restaurant chain, Red Lobster’s never-ending shrimp offer? Time will tell…

It’s mere speculation, but I wonder if the undercurrent of Maximus’ yammering on about the ‘hero’s journey’ is something of a commentary of how The Inhumans have ended up in this terrible conflict with The X-Men. The prevailing theory among many fans and readers is that The Inhumans have been tethered to the X-Men as a means to further propel The Inhumans into the spotlight. In truth, however, the event hasn’t done The Inhumans a whole lot of favors... it’s hard to not see them as the bad guys in IvX. I’m as big of a fan of The Inhumans as it gets and even I cannot really root for them it their victory would entail the demise of the entire Mutant race.

Maximus states, “times of greatest adversity that gives rise to the greatest of heroes,” and it seems as though there may be some meta-commentary to the line. Heroism in the face of adversity has been the guiding principle of the X-Men tales... and the stories has had to manufacture a near endless stream of backs-against-the-wall threats to keep this thematic moving forward. The Terrigen Cloud proving deadly to The Mutants was a retcon that kind of came out of nowhere. It offered up the latest in a long list of adversities needed maintain the X-Men’s constant thematic of being on the edge of extinction. And it’s kind of a pain in the ass because Uncanny Inhumans was trucking along just fine prior to getting tangled up in the whole ordeal of IvX. The cool stories and evolving plot-lines that Soule had been building all got sort of hijacked by this need to provide the X-Men with their latest extinction-level adversity.

The Inhumans will never be as popular as The X-Men. They are simply too weird to garner such a mainstream appeal. If there ever was a secret plot at Marvel to replace The X-Men with the Inhumans, the conspiracy has surely has been abandoned by now. The X-Men will get a whole new initiative following IvX... a large scale relaunch of their various titles that should put to rest the ridiculous notion that Marvel has been secretly trying to kill the X-franchise.

And The Inhumans will be getting a relaunch as well (albeit a considerably smaller one). Uncanny Inhumans will end and be replaced by The Royals. As sad as I am to see Uncanny Inhumans end, The Royals is looking like it’s going to be quite good. Furthermore, it appears as though the effort to make the Royal Inhumans into more standard-fare superheroes will be loosened and the squad will be allowed to re-embrace it’s more fitting science fiction roots.

As for the X-men, hopefully their ResurrXion titles will be good. And hopefully the franchise’s overarching thematic will evolve and innovate. The constant need of ‘great adversity so to give rise to great heroism’ has been overused and become stale. If not, then I feel sorry for the fans of the next group who gets caught up in the X-Men’s orbit... the next sacrificial lamb offered up to provide an extinction-level threat.

right... that went a little darker and more cantankerous than I had intended...

Anyways, the weird cliffhanger ending notwithstanding, Uncanny Inhumans #19 is a madcap romp and very fun read. The art by Ario Anindito, Kim Jacinto and Java Tartaglia is extremely well done.

Definitely recommended. Three out of Five Lockjaws.

#Inhumans #Uncanny Inhumans #IvX #Spoilers #Charles Soule #Ario Anindito #Kim Jacinto #Java Tartaglia #review

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hissyreviews · 5 years

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October Reads

October is the month of spooks. So it makes sense that this is the month of the spooky books. This will be the same format as last month. There will be the book’s synopsis, my quick thoughts (though no one can say that they are intelligent), then my arbitrary ranking of the book. Under the read more!

Horns by Joe Hill

Merrin Williams is dead, slaughtered under inexplicable circumstances, leaving her beloved boyfriend Ignatius Perrish as the only suspect. On the first anniversary of Merrin’s muder, Ig spends the night drunk and doin awful things. When he wakes the next morning he has a thunderous hangover. . . and horns growing from his temples. Ig possesses a terrible new power to go with his terrible new look - a macabre gift he intends to use to find the monster who killed his one true love. Being good and praying for the best got him nowhere. Now it’s time for revenge. . . It’s time the devil had his due.

Thoughts: Alright, let’s discuss how great this book is. I truly believe that Joe Hill is one of the eminent horror writers of our time. I think he is just as good as Stephen King, although I like him more. There is less meandering in writing, it is tight and the story is devilishly good. I really like how it goes about the powers that Ig gains. It makes logical sense. But I truly hate Ig’s name. It’s fucking stupid. Ignatius bitch, his brother’s name is Terry! His parents were punishing him.

Rating: 8/10 would recommend

Gone Girl by Gillian Flynn

On a warm summer morning in North Carthage, Missouri is is Nick and Amy Dunne’s fifth wedding anniversary. Presents are being wrapped and plans are being made when Nick’s clever and beautiful wife disappears. As the police begin to investigate, the town golden boy parades a series of lies, deceits, and inappropriate behavior. Nick is oddly evasive, and he’s definitely bitter - but is he really a killer.

Thoughts: This book really makes me think about the movie. I knew that Flynn had written the screenplay for the movie but she puts everything into it. I have never said this before but if you have watched the movie you wouldn’t need to read this book. If you read this book, then you know every move in the movie. There are more diary entries, more inner monologues, but you know what pick one or the other or both. You’ll know the whole story no matter which you pick.

Rating: 9/10 would definitely recommend either movie or book

The Haunting of Hill House by Shirley Jackson

First published in 1959, Shirley Jackson’s The Haunting of Hill House has been hailed as a perfect work of unnerving terror. It is the story of four seekers who arrive at a notoriously ufriendly pile called Hill House: Dr. Montague, an occult scholar looking for solid evidence of a haunting; Theodora, his light hearted assistant; Eleanor, a friendless, fragile young woman well acquainted with poltergeist; and Luke, the future heir of Hill House. At first, their stay seems destined to be merely a chilling encounter with inexplicable phenomena. But Hill House is gathering its powers - and soon it will choose one of them to make its own.

Thoughts: This novel is the quintessential haunted house novel. I really believe that it is the heavy hitter in the genre. I loved the characterizations in here and the setting was foreboding. Hill House echoes in the mind. You can feel it emanating from the pages as you read. If you like ghost stories you need to read this classic.

Rating: 9/10 buy it for your bookshelf

Beastly by Alex Flinn

I am a beast. A beast. Not quite wolf or gorilla or dog, but a horrible new creature with fangs, claws, and hair springing from every pore. I am a walking monster. You think I’m talkign fairy tales? No way. The place is New York City. The time is now. And I’ll stay this way forever - unless I can break the spell. Yes, the spell, the one the witch in my English class cast on me. Why did she turn me into a beast who hides by day and prowls by night? I’ll tell you how I used to be Kyle Kingsbury, the guy you wished you were, with money, perfect looks, the perfect girl, and the perfect life. And then, I’ll tell you how I became perfectly . . . beastly

Thoughts: Yawn. I wanted something to lighten up my October and this was only an hour and a half read. I think it would be more interesting if I had read it when I was the target demographic. There are some cute things: the chat room for cursed individuals. Great idea! How Kyle looked? Cool deal. The fact that he still needs to find someone to love and stuff. Meh.

Rating: 3/10 get it for a kid who likes fairy tales. They’ll probably enjoy it.

Room by Emma Donoghue

To five-year-old Jack, Room is the world. It’s where he was born, it’s where he and his Ma eat and sleep and play and learn. At night, Ma shuts his safely in the wardrobe, where Jack is meant to be asleep when Old Nick visits. Room is home to Jack, but to Ma it’s the prison where she has been held for seven years. Through her fierce love for her son, she has created a life for him in this eleven-by-eleven- foot space. But Jack’s curiosity is building alongside Ma’s own desperation - and she knows that Room cannot contain either much longer. Room is a tale at once shocking, riveting, exhilarating - a story of unconquerable love in harrowing circumstances, and of the diamond-hard bond between a mother and her child.

Thoughts: This is a very rough book to read. It is told from Jack’s perspective. And it really shows you how the a child doesn’t see anything wrong with being confined to a small space. The book is divided in such a way as to feel like two different stories. Them in the room and their lives post-Room. Neither are easy. The novel was written in 2010 a year after Jaycee Dugard was rescued from her abductors with her two daughters fathered by the man. Six years later Rosalynn McGinnis was rescued after being held captive for twenty years with her nine children fathered by her abductor. Room is fictional but the cases that inspired it, the cases that are still being solved that are almost beat by beat identical to the story are very real.

Rating: 6/10 didn’t truly enjoy because it is a rough read. Very very rough. Will make you think about the women who have suffered this travesty.

Hidden Bodies by Caroline Kepnes

Joe Goldberg is no stranger to hiding bodies. In the past ten years, this thritysomething has buried four of them, collateral damage in his quest for love. Now he’s heading west to Los Angeles, the city of second chances, determined to put his past behind him. In Hollywood, Joe blends in effortlessly with his fellow young upstarts. He eats guac, works in a bookstore, and flirts with a journalist neighbor. But while others seem fixated on their own reflections, Joe can’t stop looking over his shoulder. The problem with hidden bodies is that they don’t always stay that way. They reemerge, like dark thoughts, multiplying and threatening to destroy what Joe wants most: true love. And when he finds it in a darkened room in a Soho House, he’s more desperate than ever to keep his secrets buried. He doesn’t want to hurt his new girlfriend - he wants to be with her forever. But if she ever finds out what he’s done, he may not have a choice. . .

Thoughts: Dude, this is just as creepy as You and it pops off much quicker. Like damn Joe pop a chill pill. Leave the peeps alone you crazy stalker. If you liked You you will like this book. It is a solid sequel. I just gotta say that ending?! What the hell Kepnes!?! Can a gal get a satisfying conclusion to the story where she’s been begging for the cops to arrest our lovely protagonist the entire time. Damn girl!

Rating: 8/10 would recommend. Very creepy.

The Zombie Survival Guide by Max Brooks

Don’t be carefree and foolish with your most precious asset - life. This book is your key to survival against the hordes of undead who may be stalking you right now without your even knowing it. The Zombie Survival Guide offers complete protection through trusted, proven tips for safeguarding yourself and your loved ones against the living dead. It is a book that can save your life.

Thoughts: Bitch what can I say? It was October. I wanted to read some kitschy shit. Mmkay?

Rating: 5/10 Fun but not serious in any way, shape, or form.

The Magicians by Lev Grossman

Quentin Coldwater is brilliant but miserable A high school math genius, he’s secretly fascinated with a series of children’s fantasy novels set in a magical land called Fillory, and real life is disappointing by comparison. When Quentin is unexpectedly admitted to an elite, secret college of magic, it looks like his wildest dreams may have come true. But his newfound powers lead him down a rabbit hole of hedonism and disillusionment, and ultimately to the dark secret behind the story of Fillory. The land of his childhood fantasies turns out to be much darker and more dangerous than he ever could have imagined. . . .

Thoughts: This is like Harry Potter if they went to an after high school secondary education. Hello wizard college. Speaking of, why isn’t there a wizard college or university in Harry Potter? I mean no one tell JK she’ll fuck it up but really? I’m just saying. Very fun, moves quickly. Also goes over how just because you get what you want doesn’t mean you’ll be happy. Like dude can control magic and he’s still not happy. Some people just need some anti-depressants man.

Rating: 9/10 would definitely recommend

Ghost Hunters by Deborah Blum

At the close of the nineteenth century, as Darwin’s theory of evolution gave birth to a golden age of rationalism, a small group of scientists launched a determined investigation into “unexplainable” incidences of clairvoyance and ghostly visitations. Led by William James, the renowned philosopher and professor of psychiatry at Harvard, they staked their reputations, their careers, even their sanity on one of the most extraordinary psychological quests ever undertaken: to empirically prove the existence of ghosts, spirits, and psychic phenomena. What they pursued -- and what they found -- raises questions as fascinating today as they were then.

Thoughts: This is in the same vein as Mary Roach’s Spook. It is a historical search into some of the first scientific expeditions into the afterlife. And you know what? That’s what science is about. Looking into a subject to gain empirical evidence that could revolutionize the world? What actual scientist would not jump at the chance? Man, I read it and was just like, wow, scientist can be really fucking stupid. Just perform some experiments champ. Stop being a stubborn close-minded bitch. You know those people who are like “we just cease to exist when we die” and those who are like “you have a soul and you have to follow my religion or you will burn in hell when you die” both are close-minded twat waffles.

Thoughts: 8/10 would recommend to a scientist so they can see how fucking rude their fields were to those attempting to use science to explain the metaphysical world.

Red Dragon by Thomas Harris

Will Graham has a fearful gift - a taletn for the pursuit of human monsters. He has caught two mass murderers in his FBI career. Now he must hunt again. A ritual murderer has struck twice, killing entire families in two South-eastern cities. Graham must find him before the moon is full again or another family will die. Graham’s keen empathy permits him - sometimes forces him - to see the crimes from some haunting points of view. This ability and his forensic skills make him the prime threat to the murderer. The killer, Francis Dolarhyde, is a terrible accident of nature, shaped by his early life into a monster. He’s trying to work things out, though. So far his efforts have cost ten lives. He intends to do something about that. In a chilling race against time, Graham searches desperately after Dolarhyde, always conscious that he and the killer are, at some fundamental level, alike. And in one terrifying respect he is right. Like him, the murderer is a ruthless hunter, already beginning his search for Will Graham.

Thoughts: First, the synopsis gives the entire story away. And to be honest I enjoyed this book however, I love my girl Clarice so much more. Would it be different if I had read this first? Maybe. Dolarhyde has sections in this book that are my favorite parts. They are messed up but the glimpses into that mind are fascinating. An enjoyable read.

Rating: 8/10 would recommend you read before Silence of the Lambs cause you will like that one more but this one deserves a read

#books #literature #review #hissy reviews #end of the month #joe hill #gillian flynn #caroline kepnes #thomas harris #bookblr

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newagesispage · 5 years

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MARCH 2019

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***** And the men who hold high places must be the ones to start, to mold a new reality closer to the heart. -RUSH

*****The most heroic word in all languages is revolution. – Eugene Debs

***** Words cannot begin to say how I feel about the death of Peter Tork. To lose another Monkee is heartbreaking. It is the circle of life and all things must pass and all the things we say but this one is hard. As they sang themselves, “you say we’re manufactured, to that we all agree” but that was only the beginning. The Monkees are very special to me and mine. Oh sure, some make fun of us for our loyalty and some just don’t get it but this band is a thread thru my life like no other. I always call Davy, ‘the gateway Monkee’ because almost everyone loves him first, he draws you in. Davy seemed cute and talented and not at all imposing and we fall for him. Once you know that you are a fan for life, you find your lifetime Monkee and or you just appreciate the non- manufactured parts. Some of the best memories of my life involve listening to Monkees , from my childhood bedroom to the party residence I had with my teen friends to my child’s childhood bedroom to seeing them LIVE in concert with my son and my sisters. We all understand every reference and we never tired of HEAD, the movie and Micky still makes me swoon. In my family, our middle sister is into Mike and my baby sister was the Torkee . Go in Peace sweet Pete. You may have played the dummy but you never really were to us.*** Peter died of a rare form of cancer called adenoid cystic carcinoma, cancer of the salivary glands. He and his family asked for donations to be made to the institute for the musical arts in Massachusetts, a non -profit that provides young women with music education, recording and community.

***** Illinois Gov. JB Pritzker has announced his budget which includes proposals to legalize recreational marijuana, legalize sports gambling, increase cigarette tax and put taxes in e- cigs and plastic bags.

***** Colin Kaepernick settled with the NFL.**The league will forever have to live with the fact that it was complicit in destroying someone’s career simply because he wished to bring attention to the injustice suffered by his people.- Jemel Hill

***** The new Diane Keaton film, Poms, a definite chick flick ,looks, warm, funny, sad and uplifting. Look for it in May.

***** Looking forward to Larry Charles’ dangerous world of comedy.

***** U.S. Coast Guard officer Chris Hasson has been arrested in an apparent Dem murder plot. No wonder Alec Baldwin is worried, these threats really do exist in this climate.

***** Former Maine Governor Paul LePage spent up to $1,100 a night on stays at Trump hotels with state money. Why do so many politicians think the people’s money is their piggy bank?

***** Amazon pulled out of its NY deal after protests. It seems terrible to me to give big incentives to the richest man in the world but the country needs good jobs. It wasn’t like they were going to just hand cash to Bezos. The 3 billion tax subsidy would have only gone to the company if they produced big revenue. People have the right to have a say in their neighborhoods and the will of the people should be done. In the end the decision was Amazon’s. Next stop?? Nobody knows.

***** Oil lobbyist David Bernhardt will head the interior department.**The new deputy in the EPA, David Dunlap, former Koch industry official was quietly put in place in October. He helped to decide that we won’t set chemical limits on drinking water.

***** Saw Rich Hall recently on something and he got even hotter.

*****So, This seemed like the worst Super Bowl ever. Can we just say football is over already?

***** Cory Booker is so full of sound bites, I mean he never shuts up. Good ideas or not, I think it would get on our nerves.

***** Ok, Michael Moore, we all know U R awesome but U need to watch when they mike you for talk fests because your chin waddle often hits it and it blunts your message. Also.. Boycott Starbucks to fuck with a former CEO so he won’t run for Pres??? C’mon.. U will mostly be hurting the innocent workers who need those jobs, U R for the little guy and so that is just dumb.** Michael Moore is also one of the subjects on a current Finding your Roots on PBS which involves Quakers and slaves.

***** Mormon David Matheson, known for his masters degree in counseling and guidance that he used for gay conversion therapy has announced that he is gay.

***** Thank you John Roberts and the other liberal Supreme Court justices for blocking a new abortion law in La.

***** So glad to see Dirk Blocker and Joel Mckinnon Miller get bumped to the opening credits on Brooklyn 99. It’s about time. We will miss ya Chelsea.

***** The Directors Guild held their awards soiree and honored Alfonso Cuaron, Bo Burnham, Ben Stiller and Tim Wardle. I was thrilled to see love for Adam Mckay for Succession and Bill Hader for Barry. How fucking awesome is that??

***** Rosanna Arquette is joining the cats of Ratched with Finn Whitrock, Amanda Plummer and Sharon Stone. Sarah Paulson will produce for Netflix.

***** The Scary Clown administration has sold military equipment to the UAE and Saudi Arabia that is now driven by Al Qaeda.

***** Japan nominated Trump for the Nobel Peace Prize that they say was requested by the U.S.

***** The State of the Union came and went with more ridiculous slow teleprompter talk. He seemed delighted when he mentioned jobs for women and ow they got elected. The women cheered as they all wore white to commemorate the suffragettes. He was glad to take credit for all their votes. ** We must thank Patton Oswalt for inventing the phrase ‘fuck you clap’ when he saw the way Nancy Pelosi responded to Trump.** “Best State of the Union speech in my lifetime delivered by the best POTUS since George Washington.”- Jerry Falwell.

***** Adam Schiff has announced new investigations into the Presidents finances. Trump is currently in the middle of 17 investigations. He has also written an open letter to his colleagues. He has asked those in congress to come out of the shadows. He claims that privately they tell him to keep doing what he is doing when he calls out the Pres. but he wants them to get some balls and say this in public.

***** The latest in men and their sexual quirks: Robert Kraft, owner of the New England Patriots was arrested for soliciting prostitutes who are allegedly victims of sexual trafficking. He was next seen at an Oscar party.** A Bishop admitted that the church destroyed loads of files concerning sexual abuse allegations.

***** Get ready for season 2 of At home with Amy Sedaris. Woo Hoo!!

***** You Tube Premium has brought us Weird City which looks great!!

***** A judge in North Carolina voided mandates that required photo ID’s to vote. Hooray, one for the good guys!!

***** Amy Klobuchar is running for President.

***** The Justice Department has opened a probe into the plea deal given to Jeff Epstein for rape that was made by Secretary Acosta.

***** Virginia seems to be in a lot of trouble when it comes to racism, sexual harassment and politics.

***** Subpoena’s show that all parts of Trumps life, business, personal, charity, campaign, are now under investigation.

***** The National debt has topped $22 trillion for the first time.** It is all such a show. This administration is like when I used to go to the Pentecostal church where they speak in tongues or like calling a psychic , believing a televangelist even after there is proof he is stealing their money or reading a National Enquirer. It is a show built to entertain with no substance and filled with lies. The flock holds signs that say’ build the wall’ until he tells them to hold signs that say ‘finish the wall’ and they do. I mean, do they really believe him or do they just love a dictator because they can’t think for themselves?? It is impossible to figure these people out. Scary Clown is easy to figure but the followers?? How do we relate to these people?? He declares a national emergency for something he has screamed about since day one and only now is it bad enough to declare and yet he signs a deal which Rand Paul called, “massive, bloated and secretive.” The deal gave him 1.375 mil for ‘fences’ and an increase in spending for homeland security. His signature does keep the government open. Why didn’t they give him his money when they had the house and the Senate and Paul Ryan was in charge?? It seems he and Mitch would rather throw shade at the Dems and show that he can throw his weight around. It was unforgiveable to see the damage that caused. The Lincoln home national historic site is taking steps to keep the home open next time, just in case. What we have here is a giant smokescreen for all his nefarious wrongdoing.** The true emergency is taking place in his skull. -Stephen Colbert

***** Pelosi warns that a declaration of emergency could start things down a dangerous road. She warns as an example that a Democratic Pres may use it to get guns under control or something. I am sure Mitch and the boys are not worried. They probably think (and perhaps rightly) that Dems wouldn’t go that far because they have a conscious and follow the rules.

***** Of course, it is probably icing on the cake for the wallers but it is fucking with the butterfly habitat. They are already clearing spots to put up this wall and it is messing up the natural butterfly migration.** Ted Cruz says that El Chapo should pay for the wall.

***** GO NON SEQUITUR!!!!!!! Go Wiley Miller!!!

***** Governor Cuomo signed the child victims act into law. Victims of sexual abuse will have until age 55 to file civil lawsuits and seek criminal charges until age 28.

***** Matt Whitaker went to congress to testify. He agreed to talk but only if he weren’t subpoenaed. Whitaker dodged and weaved the whole time. He did say that he never denied funds to Mueller and that he never spoke to Trump about the investigation.

***** Calling a black POTUS married 25 years to 1 wife with 2 children, no mistresses, affairs or scandals, ‘the antichrist’ but a white POTUS married thrice, 5 kids by 3 women, mistresses, affairs and scandals, “God’s anointed, proves your religion is white supremecy. –Bishop Talbert Swan.

***** Former Fox news talking head, Lea Gabrielle has been appointed special envoy and coordinator of global engagement to counter foreign propaganda disinformation.

***** Andrew McCabe has a new book, The Threat: How the FBI protects America in the age of terror and Trump.

***** Trumps El Paso rally was a bit more raucus than usual. We all know these things are just gonna get worse. BBC photojournalist Ron Sleans was attacked by a man yelling, “enemy of the people.”

***** The latest in sexual harassment news: A report found at least 700 victims of Southern Baptist church leaders and volunteers. And people wonder why members are leaving religion.** Ryan Adams is being looked at for sexually inappropriate behavior with a minor that involves skype and texts. Several women have accused him in a Times article. Technology gets ‘em everytime.

***** Illinois is headed toward a $15 minimum wage by 2025. It will kick off with a $1 bump in January.

***** This can’t be right: 1.6 million Americans don’t have indoor plumbing.

***** Oh how I wish the original cast of Cuckoo could all get back together.

***** Check out George Takei’s new graphic memoir, They Called Us Enemy. The story is about his experience in the internment camps.

***** Modern Family will end after the 11th season.

***** Jeff Bezos wrote an essay about the despicable way that the Enquirer threatened to blackmail him. He put it right out there like Letterman. It really does show how guys like Trump and Pecker do business. Is this all some elaborate plan by God to weed out all these selfish, soulless fuckers?? I mean why do so many men feel so worthless that they have to assert themselves so forcefully? Why do they bully women and hide their inadequacies? Why do they impose their beliefs with a vengeance by calling it the will of God or the will of the people?? ** Ronan Farrow and other journalists are coming forward to tell tales of how the Enquirer threatened them as well. Surprise! More bullies!** AMI is broke with a net worth of negative $200 million. Why did it take so long? **Amazon made $11 billion and it seems they don’t have to pay any taxes.

***** The Iowa caucuses are just 1 year away.

***** Candace Payne is a beautiful soul who has now started a whole new movement for the homeless. She bought 30 rooms for the homeless when the cold plunged below zero. The word went out and before it was all over, with the help of others, they assisted 122 people. It got Candace to thinking that she could use her job in real estate to flip houses to start housing the homeless.

***** I find myself getting excited about the Lion King coming this summer.

***** The house is working on the issues of guns which may get lost in the shuffle of all the other news. Go Go Go!!

***** The Grammys went wild for women this year with a record number of wins. I was so excited to see Jimmy Carter win his third for his audiobook, Faith: A Journey for all. Dave Chapelle and Weird Al both won. Buddy Guy won for best Trad Blues and Willie won for best Trad pop vocal. And hooray for Greta Van Fleet for best rock album. The best song in years to me was awarded Best rap/sung performance to Childish Gambino for This is America. Joy Villa had a MAGA purse and Rebel wore a Trump jacket.** Best dressed, to me, were Fred Armisen, Angela Aquilal, Saint Heart, Maren Morris, Jameel Jamil, James Blake, Cardi B and Lady Gaga. The WTF goes to Andrea Echeverri .

***** The BAFTA’s happened the same night as the Grammys. Roma wins the top prize and grabs director too. The Favourite won big. Olivia Colman and Rami Malek took home prizes. Black Panther was awarded for visual effects. I was so happy to see Blackkklansman get the nod for adapted screenplay. ** I thought the best dressed were Timothee Chalamet, Regina King, Yalitza Apamcio and Duchess Kate. The WTF goes to Margot Robbie

***** Judd Apatow is producing 2 new projects. We will have a gay rom com with Billy Eichner and a semi -autobiographical comedy from Pete Davidson.

***** Payless Shoe Source will be a thing of the past.

***** So yes, we have 4% unemployment and 69% feel good about the economy but credit card debt is bigger than ever and those making late payments are at a record high.

***** Alexandria Ocasio Cortez has yet to set up a district office.

***** Everyone is talking about a Golden Girls cruise that will set sail next year.

***** CNN has hired Michael Caputo and Corey Lewandowski.

***** Tulsi Gabbard is running for President.

***** Bernie Sanders is running for President.

***** This Jussie Smollett thing gets stranger all the time. He was arrested for his lies and charged with paying people to beat him. He allegedly wanted more pay at Empire and some publicity. He got the publicity but was written off Empire. We will see how things play out.

***** Studies show that blueberries may be as effective as some meds for high blood pressure.

***** R Kelly was arrested finally. I think Chicago PD is tired of messing around.

***** Insulin prices have more than doubled in the last few years. In the first 2 days of 2019, 286 drug prices went up in price. Bernie Sanders has introduced a bill to cut drug costs by cutting out special interests.

***** The 91st Oscars went off without a host. Queen with Adam Lambert opened the show in probably the best Oscar opening I have ever seen. It seemed to make everybody happy!! My best dressed were Billy Porter, Willem Dafoe, Adam Lambert, Melissa McCarthy, Helen Mirren, Michelle Yeoh, Henry Golding, Chadwick Boseman, Kelly Ripa, Jordan Peele, Lay Gaga, Leslie Bibb, Chelsea Peretti, Bette Midler, my Adams, Regina King and Dana Guirira. The WTF was Gemma Chan. I did not think Brian Tyree Henry was all that best dressed but he is so fucking talented and so fucking hot. Give this guy some awards!! Rami Malek won best actor and fell off the stage. Olivia Colman was the only real surprise. It was great to see Spike Lee win for writing and I am glad he made a statement but what about the other guys with you? I was really pulling for BlacKkKlansman or Black Panther for best pic but it went to Green Book. A lot of people grumbled about that. It really does seem that Tina, Amy and Mia should just host everything, no controversy there.

***** So, Michael Cohen testified 2 days behind closed doors and 1 day for the public. That was a thing! Why did all the southern republicans behave as if we are all idiots and not worth a thought from their fine selves? Besides Trump and his family and cohorts, I never saw humans so righteous, so smug. How dare they call this Cohen testimony a circus after the circus we have all been subject to from this scary clown 45. Carol Miller did not even seem to care that our President is a crook. She just wanted to denigrate Cohen. She was concerned that they couldn’t be looking into real issues like child separation. Are you fucking kidding me? Ya’ll created this problem and now you are concerned? The weirdest was questioning from Kelly Armstrong, I mean what was wrong with him, he was shaking like he needed a fix or he was on a coke binge. Jamie Raskin called him “frantic and unhinged”. I thought it was just my tv until I heard that. How do we take these people seriously? They actually printed a sign for the occasion that read’ liar, liar, pants on fire.’ They are talking about BIG, REAL problems with our leader. Don’t get me wrong, Cohen is a liar and deserves to go to prison but it should not just be him. There are many complicit in these dastardly deeds. Cohen claims he has threatened people aprox. 500 times for his former boss, Donald J. Trump. Russian collusion was not really cleared up for he did not have any direct info just speculation. Cohen did however feel that Trump would have never hit his wife or had a love child. He looked into it and found nothing to support these claims which, in my mind, made him believable. It also sounds like CFO Allen Weisselberg and the Trump children are just as guilty as Trump himself. It looks like they will now have to testify as well. And how can we believe anything from the President when his ego allows him to fuck with charity money just to jack up the price of his own portrait and manipulates polls so he looks good? There was much more to see and I suggest you look it all up on C-span if you missed it. There is more to come as Cohen tells us there are many things being investigated that he can’t even comment on. The highlights to me were his opening statement, the financial questioning from Alexandria Ocasio Cortez and chairman of the oversight committee’s Elijah Cummings closing. It’s not like we haven’t heard this stuff before. All roads lead to this al making sense. Anybody who paid attention before Trump was President would know his character.** Republican congressman Matt Gaetz tweeted a threat to Michael Cohen about his alleged girlfriend. The President and his thugs sure are open about their intimidation, no shame at all.

***** The prototypes of the wall were demolished. An owl flew out of one of them.

***** Wal Mart is eliminating the greeter position. It was about the only thing I admired about them. The elderly and disabled are fucked out of another job. Way to go.

***** Isreal Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu is being indicted for bribery and fraud.

***** I will never understand this obsession with money.

***** Farmers are finding it tough. They do not want welfare and many of their loans have become delinquent. The tariffs and low crop prices are really hurting our farmers.

***** If you ever watch Seth Meyers, the wrap up of the Oscars from’ Amber says what’ was her best yet. Check it out!

***** Days alert: More Adrienne please, give her a story!**

***** The trailer for Jordan Peele’s new Twilight Zone looks fucking amazing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

***** R.I.P. Alsa Mashzoub, Kristoff St. John, Julie Adams, Albert Finney, James Ingram, Frank Robinson, John Dingee , the Aurora shooting victims, Lee Radziwill, David Horowitz, Karl Lagerfeld, those lost in the Bangladesh fire, Fred Foster, Stanley Donen, Mark Hollis, Jackie Shane, Peter Tork and Gail Reynolds.

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