#the only one of my bottoms that aren’t black is a teal skirt

[apollolewis]

You gotta love that in period product commercials the women are almost always wearing white pants. Because as we all do, they also wear white pants on their periods. I don’t even know anyone who owns white pants, how common are people wearing them not counting white suits.

#tw periods #period product ads #ads #I will admit that my entire wardrobe is black or dark colors #the only one of my bottoms that aren’t black is a teal skirt

[greyeyedmonster-18]

blame it on the weatherman

( a title that i came up with while marginally intoxicated and has very little to do with the fic; please enjoy my submission for Banana Train Covid Fic Fest.)

rita skeeter/gilderoy lockhart

cw: this is absolutely wretched. cursed flirting. banana mouth juices.

-

Rain, Rita decided, was the bane of her entire existence. Anyone who claimed to love rainy, stormy, cloudy days had apparently never had to take a train in one, which ended in a late arrival to an important meeting and soaked suede loafers that were decidedly not the choice for the in-climate weather. She had somehow made it through her meeting, trying to muster a modicum of professionalism while looking like a drowned rat, umbrella left at home, blonde curls plastered along her forehead and mascara streaming down her face, and was now able to sit in her absolute misery on the train heading back to her overpriced flat, rain still pounding on the windowpane behind her head.

The train smelled of smoke and washed-up dreams as she ran over the points she had missed in the meeting and another lost freelance journalism opportunity. Though, it would’ve gone entirely differently had the weather been different. She was certain

Ms. Skeeter, I’m not sure your…style is the right fit for this newspaper. We have a very firm policy on integrity and… fact-checking. 

Blame her bad luck on the weather.

Blame my good luck on me. 

She tapped her red nails against her teeth like a keyboard for a moment before absently chewing on a corner, chipping off the polish as the train stopped to let on more passengers. She pulled out her mobile phone from the inside of her bag, starting to scroll through her emails to see if there were any open calls she had missed or if any other jobs had emailed her back, only to see the blue wheel turn and her screen remain the same. 

Again.

Just one more time to make sure, only half paying attention to the blue Chelsea boots that sat across from her. She paused her scrolling to let her eyes wander up trim calves trapped in tight black skinny jeans, continuing to a teal button-down shirt with an emerald green coat thrown over the top. The man's own blonde curls were perfectly coiffed, pushed back from his face, the umbrella he had remembered beside him.

His smile was enough to knock her out, fling her off the train and into oncoming traffic, it was so bright and brilliant. She attempted to return it, heart fluttering, certain she just looked somewhere between uncomfortable and unbelievably constipated.

“Excuse me, miss?” he said almost immediately

“Me?”

“I’m looking right at you, aren’t I?”

“Right, uh, hello.”

“You’ve got something on your teeth,” he said, and Rita immediately blushed, clapping her hand over her mouth.

Bad luck on the fucking weather.

She scrubbed one of her fingers over her teeth, pulling it away to see red pieces of nail polish now on the tip of her finger, grimacing slightly, “Did…I get it?” she asked.

The man merely smiled again, “Not quite, let me?” 

Rita leaned forward in her seat across the aisle, lifting her lips to expose her teeth, just enough for the other man to rub his finger across her canine tooth a few times before pulling away.

“See. All set,” he said, sitting back in his chair, and Rita did the same.

“Do you always stick your finger in strangers' mouths?” she asked. 

“Not a stranger if I get your name.”

She cleared her throat, “Uh…Rita.”

“Gilderoy,” he returned with another smile, “I do stick fingers in the mouths of people I know,  however.”

“Strange hobby.”

“I’m a dentist.”

“That…that makes a lot more sense,” she muttered, looking down at her knee caps, for the first time noticing the run in her pantyhose just below the hemline of her tweed skirt. She pulled at the bottom of the fabric, hoping Gilderoy hadn’t noticed the way he had noticed chips of nail polish from across the aisle and the way he was probably noticing how much she had started sweating despite the weather outside. 

“Your gums felt very healthy, on the bright side.”

“At least I have that going for me…think I could put that on a resume?”

“Healthy gums? Absolutely. It’s one of the first things I look for when hiring. No need for a resume. I just need a smile.” 

Rita bit back the comment that hiring on smiles felt like a poor way to run a business and instead chose to stare out the window behind the man's head. Caught in the pouring rain, late to a meeting, torn pantyhose--she might as well have let a handsome man pick nail polish out of her teeth that day. Just as she was certain, her luck was turning around, that maybe a man on the train was smiling at her because he found soggy-cardboard-box couture endearing instead of just trying to prevent her from embarrassing herself even further. If Gilderoy's smile didn’t send her into oncoming traffic, another mortifying instance and another case of bad luck was certainly going to. Rita dared to focus back in on the man who was now eating a banana and looking expectantly at Rita.

Had she been staring too long?

Had he thought she was staring at him? 

Did he--

Gilderoy extended his hand across the aisle, giving her another smile.

And just as she did with the nail polish, Rita leaned forward and took a bite of a perfect strangers--well, perhaps not strangers, they were on a first-name basis and intimately involved via teeth picking-- banana. She choked it down, eyes watering, trying not to gag, having to finish chewing, gumming? Mushing? Remembering she didn’t particularly enjoy bananas and, for some reason, had accepted a bite from someone else. Her mouth was now coated in remnants of red nail polish and someone else's banana-mouth juices. 

“Do you always take bites of other people's bananas?” Gilderoy asked.

“First time.”

“You’re excellent at it.”

“I’ll add it to my resume alongside healthy gums.”

“I’d hire you, I think.”

“Are you looking?” she asked offhandedly, swallowing down her pride with the last bit of banana. If she couldn’t be a writer, she could at least work in a dentist's office alongside an obscenely handsome man with impeccable fashion sense. “Not that I know…anything about teeth. Other than…I have them.”

“What do you know about then?”

“I’m supposed to be a writer. Apparently, my work is what most papers call trite and frivolous, though.”

“A writer?” The man asked around a mouthful of his banana and leaned forward again, “Of all the happenstances…I happen to be looking for one.”

“A biography for your dental website?” she asked.

“Think….bigger.”

“An…actual biography?”

He leaned forward, smiling slightly, “Rita...have you ever heard of…a long-con?”

Blame my good luck on me.

#banana train covid fic fest #rita skeeter #gilderoy lockhart #cursed bullshit

[wellcrapineedaname]

[ID: the first picture is of a mermaid version of sundrop from five nights at freddy’s, he has 9 rays that are striped with a warm pinkish orange and light warm yellow. his eyes are full white and his cheeks have the same light yellow in circles. he has spines on his back hips and in a fan-like structure on his tail, the spines have a translucent webbing between them and are striped in a similar fashion to his rays. his body also has swirly stripes where his shell is usually a darker orange and he has white swirls on his body. he is sitting in a cliche mermaid on the rocks fashion but instead of being on rocks he is on the seabed of a coral reef the coral is pink, red, yellow, and indigo and the sea above turns a teal color at the top and a cool blue color at the bottom. he has a smug expression.

the second picture is of a mermaid version of Moondrop. the background is black with strokes of very dark blue in it. Moon is in the center of the image with his hands clasped in front of him. his tail is bent to his left. he has a round ‘hat’ on his head that looks like a quarter circle, puffy sleeves and a puffy skirt. the sleeves skirt and tail are all a cool blue and have jellyfish tentacles on them as well as star patterns. moons black markings on his chest are wavy rather than straight and the cheeks on his face are missing. the white half of his face is a slightly blue white and his eyes are red with white pupils. he is looking to the side and his mouth is open in an O shape. his ‘hat’, tentacles, skirt, sleeves, tail and eyes are all glowing.

the last image is of two mermaids made to resemble the viewer or their oc. the one on the top is light grey with pink blush shoulders and finger-tips, their tail is black and appears to be slimy and has a frill on top of it. they have and hourglass figure and are quite scrawny. they have two hair tufts on their right side and the back on their hair is short and fluffy. their mouth is open in a sideways D with the flat side facing up. instead of eyes and a nose they have Y/N. they are also wearing a crop top and earrings that look like a line. their left hand is bent with and open palm almost like they are waving and they are using their right hand to point to themself, they are almost lying down with their tail on their left. the second mermaid has the same Y/N on their face but their lips are drawn they have a dark grey as opposed to the light grey of the other and have a pear shaped body. they have an afro and their tail is white on the underside with some black parts and a black spot.they are wearing a strapless crop top, a choker and have hoop earrings. they have stretch marks on their arms and stomach and a black dorsal fin on their back. they are laying the opposite way of the top mermaid and are on their back. they are smiling and have one hand in a thumbs up while the other is resting on their side. in the top right corner there is a height comparison that shows that the top mermaid is 5.4ft and the bottom one is 9.6ft. there is text next to the top mermaid that is written in bullet points that reads: “Violently protective, Chaotic, Can’t spell/Crappy handwriting,An eel,They bite” there are also bullet points next to the bottom mermaid that says: “Usually chill, An orca, The only voice of reason, Very big, Might put googly eyes on your stuff.” next to the ‘very big’ bullet point there is a face with its eyes closed and a smile, the face is holding a red heart. the background of the last image is a medium grey]

help bestie i can’t draw coral O-O

anyways Moon as a Moon jellyfish and Sun as a lionfish for mermay. also yes i know moon jellyfish don’t have star patterns and yes i know lionfish aren’t really orange and yes i know that i forgot moons cheeks but i had already merged the layers when i noticed the cheeks and i do what i want with my art.

also i made two Y/Ns cause i can. they’re both meant to be gender neutral but the orca Y/N ended up looking more fem and i don’t wanna change it cause they’re hot. also if i had a Nickel for every fatphobic article i saw when trying to find reference photos for the orca Y/N i could buy my partner a house.

(let me know if i need to edit the ID i don’t know much about making Image descriptions)

#possible eyestrain #i have no clue if these are eye strain i’m stupid but i’m gonna tag it just in case #eyestrain #mermaid!au #Jellyfish!Moon #Lionfish!Sun #moondrop #moon fnaf #fnaf moondrop #moon x reader #sundrop #fnaf sun #fnaf moon #sun fnaf #sun fanart #moon fanart #long ass image description #sun x reader #my art

[spiralhigh]

ranking the sdr2 cast by how much their formal wear hits

this is just my opinion, but my opinions are great and i know what i’m talking about! this will be long so it’s under a cut

S TIER:

s tier is reserved for only the best of them all, the cream of the crop, the fit that i would gladly lay down my life for. s tier is the crown jewel. s tier is what everyone else should strive to be... but only one can take the prize.

#1: AKANE OWARI

the undisputed champion. this look is everything to me. EVERYTHING. the red-trim cape with the fur. the contrast of the airy, gathered blouse with those skin-tight shiny (leather? vinyl??) pants. the pumps. the belt that screams disco style. the necklace accentuating the tasteful titty window. the red white and gold color scheme  are you FUCKING WITH ME miss owari this look could bring ARMIES to their KNEES in an INSTANT. whoever drew this deserves full creative control of the danganronpa franchise and i’m not kidding

A TIER:

a tier is for the fits that frankly own bones. they’re not as jaw-dropping and legendary as owari, but they’re still razor as hell and deserve to be met with riotous applause.

#2: KAZUICHI SOUDA

kazuichi, i didn’t know you had it in you, but this FUCKS. the character of the pins on the lapels, the sneakers, and the mispinned tie. the absolute CLASS of the suspenders, watch, and tiny round glasses. the handsome slick in the hair now that the greasy beanie is gone. the tasteful highwater. he looks like the host of the larry king show if the larry king show was exclusively about ska bands and he has never looked better

#3: HIYOKO SAIONJI

tell me this isn’t the cutest shit. the colors here are EXQUISITE. the bright notes from the blue on top, the way the soft pink is a perfect middle ground of the pink + white flowers on her sleeves, the subtle way the green in her bow matches the green in her collar, the white petals breaking up the sky blue that might otherwise look out of place? remarkable. stunning.

#4: PEKO PEKOYAMA

the ELEGANCE is EVERYTHING here. the monochrome is offset by just a splash of red that ties everything together with her eyes and the flower in her hair, the checkerboard pattern is visually interesting but not distracting, and her hair in that loose ponytail with the little white ribbon? ugh. ADORABLE! but most of all, look at those BOOTS. those CUTE LITTLE HEELS on those SICK LACE-UP BOOTS..... QUEEN shit!!!

#5: CHIAKI NANAMI

rounding out our a tier is chiaki in this adorable little dress just LOOK at her!!! she looks like a little rose, a perfect flouncy skirt with a glittery mesh overlay, a fun and fresh over-the-shoulder collar, a fucking big old bow tied in the back?? i can literally feel the way this dress would feel in my hands. it’s simple and perfect and frankly a GORGEOUS color on her this is flawless

B TIER:

b tier is a perfectly respectable place to be. these fits lack the lustre and flavor of the a tier entries, but they’re still dressed to impress and they still look fine as hell.

#6: TERUTERU HANAMURA

say what you will about teruteru (and i do) but this suit is ADORABLE and it fits in with his theme + talent better than any other mfer on this list. the tasteful white/brown/red palette gives it a flashy chocolate cookie look, which is amplified in the fun pattern on the jacket. the chef’s hat switching out for a little top hat and the way the cumberbund looks a lil bit like a chocolate bar is also VERY cute

#7: THE IMPOSTOR

now on its own, the suit is just alright. a vibrant pinstripe blue three-piece with the classic red tie wouldn’t land the impostor in b tier on its own... but that FUR COAT, LUXURIOUSLY DRAPED OVER THE SHOULDERS does WONDERS to pull this look together. not only is it worn with “yeah, it’s real mink, no, you can’t touch it” confidence, but it also ties the otherwise arbitrary white loafers into the structure of the look. it’s subtle and class as hell.

C TIER

c tier is full of looks that are... fine, but ultimately either are boring, lack cohesion, or have a confusing design choice or two that make it hard to get all that amped about. c tier is a passing grade, but nothing more.

#8: NAGITO KOMAEDA

there’s a lot that’s good about this outfit, but there’s also a lot that doesn’t really work. let’s start with the good: the slutty loose bowtie and collar, the tight-fitting vest that ends before the hipbones so you can see the belt, the cute little ponytail? (chefs kiss) exquisite, all of it. but the suit itself is boring as sing, and who the hell decided to put the t-shirt symbol on the sleeves??? was it to add visual flavor to an otherwise bland suit? this does NOT have the black/white/red elegance that peko had.

#9: FUYUHIKO KUZURYUU

the silver and gold mob-boss look, complete with matching shoes vest and fedora, are a nice nod to fuyuhiko’s talent! the plaid is teetering on the edge between fun and garish to me, but the fact that it’s consistent and the only pattern means it isn’t too offensive. quick question though: why are his pant legs rolled up like that?? this isn’t a cute “cuffed at the ankle” look, dude looks like he had to wade across a pond to get to the venue. what gives

#10: GUNDAM TANAKA

out of everyone here, gundam’s suit might be the most boring of all. the scarf is just his normal scarf. the red tie and trim don’t do anything to tie the look together. the only mild point of interest is the asymmetrical vest, and i can’t even tell if that’s intentional. simply put, this “““fancy”““ outfit isn’t even in the same ZIP CODE as the level of ostentatious chuuni that gundam serves us every single day in his casual wear. maybe even worse than being ugly... it’s disappointing.

#11: IBUKI MIODA

now, look. is this dress buckwild and ugly as hell? yes. but you know what else it is? it is IBUKI MIODA’S DRESS. there might not be a single cohesive thing about this dress aside from its color scheme. the huge poofy ruffles of the skirt and arm things with the spiked bow and corset are baffling. the artist somehow managed to draw the awkward, clumping shape of the skirt to make it look exactly like an emergency cosplay sewn four hours before a convention. frankly, i can’t justify ranking it as a c! but i’m doing it anyway, because the sheer level of craftsmanship demands it, and in this house we respect diy queens that are totally off the shits.

D TIER:

d tier is for outfits that aren’t offensive, exactly... but like, they sure don’t look good! d tier is not a respectable place to be. those in d tier won’t be laughed out of the ceremony in shame, but they should really run their outfit by someone else first next time.

#12: NEKOMARU NIDAI

now don’t get me wrong: i have nothing but respect for the titties-out look. keeping the shirt unbuttoned all the way down to where the lapels of the jacket end? that’s sexy as hell. however, this flawless idea has a confusing execution. why emerald green and orange? what’s with the... long-sleeved printed (hawaiian?) shirt? why the red pocket square? and the jacket itself, while fitted perfectly along the chest and midsection, has a weird, unflattering scallop shape flaring out at the bottom. i want to like this fit, but there are just too many bad choices.

#13: HAJIME HINATA

oh, hajime... literally nothing about this ensemble is it. the creamy manila suit might have had potential if there were literally any color variation in the vest (or potentially shoes) to give it a little more shape, or even if you just went with a white shirt underneath it! i could get behind a light, off-monochrome look! but that leprechaun-green shirt is downright perplexing to me. it looks like a mistake! did you get dressed in the dark? did you spill something on your other shirt? this is a mess.

F TIER:

f tier is inexcusable. f tier should never have happened. how does it get this bad. who did this? who’s responsible for this?

#14: SONIA NEVERMIND

y’know, the colors are pretty! i dig the white and teal! but... girl... what the fuck is this construction. the ruffles are all over the place. the bodice looks like it has less fabric than space it needs to cover. the bottom half of the skirt looks like it was sewn on as an afterthought because the top half was too short for dress code. what’s with the weird choker collar detached from everything else. why is the hairband a slightly different shade of green. so many decisions were made here and none of them are flattering

#15: MAHIRU KOIZUMI

yknow, i like the idea behind this. i can see what you were going for! the dress on its own might have worked, even! but everything else about it is just... so ugly. what the fuck is happening with those shoes??? the sheer black tights aren’t the sexy OL look you think they are. the collar of the dress looks like it’s... braided for some reason??? those earrings are so huge for no payoff, statement jewelry with nothing to say, and worst of all... that headband. GIRL. that headband and that belt...... there’s nothing here. also i love orange but it’s not her color.

and finally... the worst.

#16: MIKAN TSUMIKI

what the fuck. what the fuck is this. this is straight up cheap rubber fetish gear. why is the HAT rubber? that skirt ruffle makes this look like fucking polly pocket clothes. why the fuck is she wearing that. the clothes are so bad that it makes her hair look like rubber too. was she dared to wear this? is this some cruel punishment? i don’t even know what to say. this is the worst possible outfit. there is not even one redeeming quality about it.

#danganronpa #sdr2 #new tab

[eelpatrickharris]

What’s wrong with bettas?

Annnd as promised, here’s that write-up on betta genetics and what’s wrong with all those pretty genes. We’ve got pictures and everything. This is a full, comprehensive list of the various problems with domestic betta traits. If you’re in the market for a new angry pal, then there’s a list of “good” things to look for in a betta at the end.

Just a quick intro before we begin: I’ve been into fishkeeping for over a decade, I currently have 16 running tanks ranging from 5 to 440 gallons, I’ve got about 200 fish at the moment, and I’ve had a good 20 to 25 bettas of my own over the years. When I was younger, I even bred a pair of pet store veiltails together, and reared some of the fry into adulthood. So, this is information coming from someone has both seen these things firsthand and talked with many, many other betta keepers who have done the same.

This is my new betta, Embezzlement. He looks great, right? He really does! But he’s also quickly going blind as a result of his thickened scales growing over his eyes, his fins will end up dragging him down to the point of immobility as he ages, and he’s at high-risk for developing visible tumors all over his body. I’ll get into that under the cut!

(To learn more about why the heck I willingly bought Bezel, just click the link attached to his name up there.)

((I don’t own any of these photos, or bettas, unless noted))

The Dragonscale Gene

We’ve all seen these boys and admired them. Please refer to my totally pro image mashup above and look at the thickened, shiny scales. That’s dragonscaling. It comes in white, grey, blue, and teal; and it can cover any part of the body, including the fins. Some have masks of dragonscaling, some have full body coats, and some just have intermittent patches. Most dragonscale bettas start developing noticeable dragonscaling at 1-2 months, and it continues spreading from that point on. 

Now, if it was just a pretty shimmery gene, that would be great! But it isn’t. Dragonscales are abnormally thick scales that spread everywhere, even over their eyes. You can see the scales start to circle around the cornea on the left, and a progression on the three fish to the right. Once the scales reach the eyes, it’s only a matter of time before they go completely blind. (This is basically a guarantee for bettas with dragonscaling on their face.) If you don’t want a blind betta that can’t safely navigate its environment, stay away from those opaque, shiny, thick scales. 

The Marble Gene

If you’ve ever seen a pretty “koi” betta covered in colorful blotches? That’s a marble. A weird, flesh-toned betta with neat speckles? That’s a marble. If you’ve ever seen a betta that’s changed colors over the span of its life? That’s 100%, definitely, without a doubt, a marble. The prevalence of marbles in the market is for 3 reasons: 1) it’s considered a dominant gene, 2) marbles are pretty rainbow boys, and 3) it’s also really, really hard to breed back out of lines.

So, the thing about marbles is... their pigment cells are constantly mutating. They can completely change colors in a couple months. Your red and black and white koi that you paid $30 for might turn into a muddy maroon right before your eyes. And since their cells are constantly mutating, you guessed it—

They’re prone to developing tumors. Yeah. They go lumpy even faster than the average betta.

Blue Bettas and Graphite Disease

Nah, not even the comparatively boring bettas are safe. Bettas that are 90-100% blue with little other coloration on their bodies? They’re prone to graphite disease, which is a fast-acting killer with no known cure. 

Their fins and bodies start turning grey, like someone shaded them with a pencil, and then boom: they’re dead within a few days. This is likely due to their reduced ability to process carotenoids, which are the substances responsible for increased red pigment. They also play an important role in keeping the immune system functioning properly, so without those.... yeah. They get sick even more easily than your average betta, and they die even more easily than your average betta. Also. Graphite disease. Not a fun time.

Red Bettas and Tumors

Pure red bettas are some of my favorites. Red is a symbol of good luck in Southeast Asia, where bettas are primarily bred and shown, so they’re also an important part of the industry. However, to get that pure, solid red coloration in a fish that’s descended from these guys:

You’ve got a lot of inbreeding to do. Linebreeding, inbreeding, crossing back, whatever you want to call it. It can be beneficial to show lines if you’re doing it right, because breeding the offspring of an animal back to its parent intensifies all of the traits that were passed onto it. However, with fish that are and have always been treated as trinkets, no one bothers screening for the negative traits that are being compounded along with the coloring.

So, red bettas are a whole mess of health issues, but they’re very prone to developing tumors. This is, unfortunately, one of the ones I have plenty of experience with. When I was younger, I had a male veiltail with solid red coloring, and he turned into a mass of lumps before dying. The same thing happened with my most recent betta, Genie. She was in my care for all of 9 months before I had to put her down, as there were multiple little tumors developing all over her body, and a large one over her internal organs that was visible from the outside.

Here’s a side by side comparison. From the day I got her to the day I euthanized her so she wasn’t in pain. For those of you who don’t know about her, she was the pond betta who lived in a 440 gallon blackwater biotope and fed a live insect-based diet. The pH in there is 5.8, the temp is 78F, the water quality is always 0/0/0, and there weren’t any environmental stressors that contributed to her decline in health. She was kept in the best conditions I could possibly give her, and she still went that far downhill in 9 months. She wasn’t a full year old.

Unfortunately, it gets worse from here! Get a glass of water, grab some snacks, we still have fin types to cover.

Halfmoons and Rosetails

You see those two gorgeous guys above? Those are halfmoon bettas, one of the most popular and commonly available types of bettas! Note how dang big those fins are. They only have them fully extended like that when they’re flaring. Now, look at this picture of a halfmoon with his fins in the normal position:

See how they collapse into a long, ruffled shape? Two things here. 1) Those fins are literally useless and hinder them from swimming properly, so they have to exert way more effort than necessary to even move around. This is how we get that signature “betta wiggle” that people find endearing. To properly drag those massive fins around and keep them from dragging, they have to undulate their whole body in an exaggerated manner, which gets harder and harder as they age.

And 2) This leads to fin biting. Note how that poor guy’s tail is all tattered and shorter than his ventral and dorsal fins. When bettas are weighed down by their own fins? Their solution is, a lot of the time, to self-mutilate and nip them off. The jury is still out on whether or not they have feeling in their fins; but even if they don’t, they’re still opening themselves up to potential infections. Plus.... even the fish don’t want those draperies. C’mon. You know it’s not good if they’re literally tearing themselves to shreds just so they can swim again.

Can’t forget rosetails, either! That blind pal on the left and living tulle skirt on the right are bred for fins that go over the halfmoon point (they aren’t a semi-circle, they’re more like a pizza with a couple slices taken out)  and have enough bulk that they stay ruffled even when they’re flaring. For obvious reasons, these are even worse than halfmoons. Oh god those poor fish.

Crowntails

These spiky boys are crowntails, another common fin type seen in Petsmarts and Walmarts everywhere. Not much to say about them that wasn’t covered under the halfmoon section. They’re fin biters, because even though they don’t have as much fin mass, those tendrils still create large amounts of drag and hinder their movement.

Doubletails

We took a halfmoon and we made it worse. That.... that takes skill. These genetic abominations were specifically bred to have not one, but two tails! And I’m not sure how much truth there is behind this, but their spine is supposed to split into two portions to create that Y shaped tail. Obviously, that would strain their spine and create a whole handful of new problems, on top of that further decreased swimming ability.  (After Bezel passes, I’ll probably get a doubletail and see if that spine thing checks out.)

Congrats! You made it to the bottom!

Now, here’s what to look for, if you want to buy a healthy(er) betta.

If you’ve been in a pet store recently and looked at the shelf with all the bettas on it, you can probably recognize some of these traits in 9/10 fish. And if they’re not lying on their side on the edge of death, they’ll probably look good and healthy and tempting to take home.

Remember how screwed up those bettas are, though, and get one of the better options. Here’s a list of questions to ask yourself before taking a betta home.

Male or female? When it comes to fin types, females will almost always be better off than males. Thanks to sexual dimorphism, female bettas have shorter, less exaggerated fins. Therefore, a crowntail female can swim about as easily as a plakat (read: short-finned fighter type) or veiltail betta. If it’s a female, just make sure the fins aren’t bitten or weirdly long. If it’s a male, see below.

How drastic are the fins? The shorter, the better. Just make sure they aren’t short because they’ve bitten them off. Also, veiltails are one of the healthiest fin types currently available, because they’re an “undesired” trait, and have wider gene pools as a result of not being inbred to a severe degree. They're functional, too! These boys can swim.

How pretty is it? If the betta looks like a galaxy painting threw up on it, then chances are, it’s gonna have some issues later in life. You want a betta that’ll hopefully live for years? Get an ugly one. Orange, yellow, tan, peach, dirty white, whatever. Stay away from those solid reds/whites/blacks/blues. Those two boys above are great examples of “ugly” bettas. Even though the one on the left is marble, he still has a better chance of living a good life than an inbred solid black disaster.

If you want something a little fancier than a fish that looks like.... well, kind of like flesh, get a cambodian! Their coloration is a variation of piebald. They’re characterized by a light, peachy body and colorful fins. They’re pretty flesh fish. These were actually one of the earliest types of domestic bettas, fun fact.

How shiny is it? Shiny scales don’t automatically mean they betta is a dragonscale carrier. For example, compare these crowntail and plakat (that fighter-type mentioned above) males to the true dragonscales at the very top. Lightly shimmery scales that naturally fade into the body aren’t dragonscales. If they’re the same size and thickness as the rest of the scales, they probably aren’t dragonscales. You can get an eye for telling the two apart after awhile.

And that’s it, that’s the show. Thanks for reading!

This guide was written on 2/03/2019 and will be edited as necessary.

2/08/2019: edited to remove swearing

#long post #bettablr #fishblr #aquablr #this took so damn long oh my god #but it's done! and it should be useful! #crowntail #halfmoon betta #rosetail betta #dragonscale #veiltail betta #betta tag

[taetaesbaebaepsae]

BTS Reaction to You Being Chubby/Thick and Being Embarrassed

Hyung Line

Aka the reaction with the longest title of all time.This got SO LONG because I have a lot of feelings about body positivity. Maknae Line coming up soon

My second and final 1000 followers reward!

Anonymous asked: Hi! I really really ❤️ you and your reactions, and I was wondering if you can do one where y/n gets embarrassed the first time BC they’re chubby/thick?

I ❤️ you too, nonalicious and I hope you like this. I'm a chubster myself so I am here for this

Warnings: smut and fluff, body worship, semi public sexy stuff, hyung line being fucking ADORABLE

Word Count: 2670

Jin

You've been dating Seokjin for around a month when things take a turn for the physical.

You're ready for it, of course, but you're also super nervous. You feel like he's out of your league, he's so handsome and charming. He never makes you feel less than him, on the contrary he compliments your appearance often.

You do note it's always things like, "your face is so beautiful" and "wow your eyes are so bright today" so you aren't sure if he's all that attracted to your body. It's been impossible to know in your past relationships if it's your own insecurities about being chubby or them until the first time, so when Jin suggests a Netflix and chill date, you're anxious when you arrive at his place.

You're not naive so you wear something casual but easy to get into, a jean skirt and black blouse, feeling a bit self conscious about your thick thighs but thinking he'd be less likely to see you fully naked this way.

When he opens the door his eyes widen a bit and you see him struggle to focus on your face, and that does put a bit of a smile on your face.

You're still a little surprised when he hugs you tight and his hands roam low on your back.

"You look absolutely delectable tonight, sweetheart," he says into your ear, and you shiver.

You walk to the couch and follows on your heels, hand on your lower back.

When you sit down he sits next to you quickly and his hand goes right on your upper thigh, gripping right where other girls had a thigh gap and you had none.

You fidget a little, feeling insecure that your thighs might feel jiggly, and he loosens his grip, turning your chin toward him.

"You okay? Am I moving too fast?"

His eyes are soft, searching your face, and when he started to move his hand you grabbed it and placed it back, but higher, just below your black lace panties, maintaining eye contact.

He drew in a sharp breath and attacked your mouth, kissing you hungrily and nipping at your bottom lip.

"We skipping the Netflix part of Netflix and chill?" You ask breathlessly when he pulls back.

He nods enthusiastically, tongue darting out to wet his lower lip.

He kisses you again, moaning low in his throat and you end up with your head resting on the arm of the couch.

He puts his hand on the button of your jeans and you stop him.

He looks at you and cocks his head.

You smile weakly at him. "I just feel a little...exposed?"

He smirks at that and unceremoniously pulls off his tshirt.

"Does that help?"

Your mouth drops open at his wide expanse of chest and broad shoulders, but you shake your head when he goes back to your skirt button.

He makes a frustrated sound in his throat.

"I really want to taste you, princess, and I can't do that with this skirt in my way. Let me see you? Please?"

Your mouth has gone dry at his words and your voice comes out in a croak.

"You might not like what you see."

He scoffs. "Impossible."

"I'm not...thin. My thighs aren't as toned as I'd like them to be and I've been meaning to work out but-"

You realize you're babbling and he's frowning down at you. You feel a sinking feeling as if you've just ruined everything.

"You're worried about your thighs? These thighs?" He gripped one in his hand. "The ones that made me weak in the knees that time you cooked breakfast for me in those short shorts last week?"

You feel a smile forming on your lips.

He forgets about your button and shoves your skirt up roughly. He groans and shakes his head, eyes focused on your thighs and the transparent black lace covering your sex.

He scoots backward to kiss them, wet, open mouthed, and licks a long stripe across the fabric of your underwear, making you gasp.

Instead of continuing, though, he covers your body with his own, rocking his hips into you.

"Do you feel how hard I am, princess? Seeing your gorgeous thick thighs I that little skirt did this. The second I saw them I wanted you so bad I couldn't think. Can I please see them? See all of you?"

When you nodded, he smiled and kissed you, more sweetly this time.

(You had purple bruises tracking across them the next morning, and a couple weeks later when you announced you were going on a diet, Jin whined so loud you held your ears. "I don't want you to lose one ounce, princess. You're perfect, you know, and you shouldn't mess with perfection. Take it from me.")

Yoongi (Suga)

You'd thought that you'd be nervous your first time with Yoongi because you were sure you'd have time to think about it and overanalyze your outfit and every interaction.

You were nervous when it finally happened after three weeks of seeing each other almost every day, but it was more nervous that you'd be arrested.

The night had started innocently enough, with dinner and drinks, but an hour and a half later you find yourself with your skirt bunched up around your hips in the backseat of his car.

You weren't quite sure how your innocent peck on the corner of his mouth to thank him for dinner turned into this, but you aren't complaining.

Yoongi wasn't much for compliments but you'd caught him staring at your cleavage or your legs more than once and he'd only smirked at you when he realized he was caught.

He'd never made a snide comment about your weight or anything like that, but you'd seen pictures of his ex and she was a twig, so when he tried to tug off your shirt, you put your hands on his to stop him.

Yoongi looks around the parking garage and then back at you, tongue flicking to the corner of his mouth.

"No one's here, doll, c'mon. Your tits in that top have been driving me crazy all night, lemme see."

"It's not that impressive," you mumble.

Yoongi clicks his tongue against the roof of his mouth. "I'll be the judge of that, yeah?"

He tugs off your shirt and you let him, covering your stomach as best you can.

His eyes are on your breasts, though, and you relax when he pulls them out of your bra and takes your nipple in his mouth, arching your back and letting out a moan.

"I've wanted to do this since the first time I saw you, you know," he says when he pulls away. "You were wearing that black shirt that's almost a crop top and every time you lifted your arms I could see just a peek of your skin. It made my mouth water."

"You remember what I was wearing?"

He scoffs. "Of course I do. I thought about asking if you wanted to hook up," he smirks at you when you hit him with the heel of your hand.

"But when I said hello and you gave me that 'go to hell' look, I thought, oh no, a guy could fall in love."

You can't help but smile. "Well, I'll be happy to test that theory."

"Too late," he quips, kissing the corner of your mouth. "I'm already smitten."

"Oh, yeah?"

"Very," he says solemnly. "Crazy about you. Dare I say whipped?"

"Oh, no."

"Oh, no, indeed. I can tell you're uncomfortable, but if I take you home, will you let me kiss every inch of you? Please? I'm dying here."

He gestures to the bulge in his black jeans, pouting, and you laugh and nod.

(He drives home at a snail's pace because you keep palming him through his jeans and kissing his neck and he all but drags you into his bedroom when you arrive. He makes good on his word and you're covered in purple marks from his mouth, almost from head to toe, but especially your waistline, right where your shirt would've ridden up the day you first met.)

Namjoon (RM)

When you show up at the party Namjoon invited you to, you were already nervous to meet all his friends.

You opted for a short sundress because it was majorly hot that day, and you tried your best not to adjust the way it clinged to you.

Namjoon was cuddly and affectionate the whole afternoon, introducing you to each of the boys with a proud, dimpled smile, and you found yourself having the time of your life, fooling around with the boys by the pool.

Namjoon had gone inside to get more snacks, and Jimin heaved a deep groan.

"Why are we out here sweating when we have a perfectly good pool right here?"

He ripped off his shirt and backflipped into the water unceremoniously and the guys followed suit, trying to outdo each other.

You weren't normally bold, and hadn't thought to bring a swimsuit, but with 6 cute boys cajoling you and the sweltering heat, you thought, fuck it, and stripped off your sundress, revealing your matching teal bra and panties and leaping into the pool.

You blush at the whoops and whistles of the boys as you come up, but you feel good.

When you heave yourself out of the pool a little while later and start wringing out your hair, Namjoon appears with a towel and a frown.

His demeanor changes on a dime and he's quiet and moody, shooting glances at you but barely talking to you.

By the time the guys start to say their goodbyes to you, you're fighting back tears.

You had been dating Namjoon for almost a month and he'd never once seemed like he even recognized that you were chubby, but now you worried that he was ashamed to have a fat girlfriend.

When his eyes follow you as you walk across the living room in a towel after you're alone but he still doesn't speak, you snap.

"I'll put my dress back on so you won't have to look at me. I'm sorry I embarrassed you. I'll just go."

He's on his feet in an instant. "What? Embarrassed? Why would I be embarrassed?"

Your eyes shoot to his. "You've been acting weird ever since I jumped in the pool. I'm sorry my body isn't perfect, okay? It was just so hot..."

Namjoon made a noise somewhere between a chuckle and a groan and rubbed the back of his neck.

"Baby, you've got it all wrong. I was far from embarrassed. I was just....annoyed at the guys because they couldn't stop staring at you. It's the first time I've seen you like this and I guess...I didn't want to share the view."

"You're not ashamed of me because I'm fat?"

Namjoon's mouth drops open and he shakes his head, taking your hands in his and giving you an appreciative glance up and down.

"Ashamed? Of this? No, baby. I'm proud and a little territorial, that's all."

You can't help the smile that breaks over your face and you throw yourself into his arms and kiss him. He groans when you hook your leg around his hip, trying to get closer.

"Oh my God, you look like this and you're flexible, too? Baby, don't tease me, I've been trying not to get hard all afternoon."

You kiss his neck before you pull away and smirk at him.

"Who's teasing?"

(His hands are all over you, skimming over your skin before he grabs a handful of your hip, ass, breasts. He can't stop touching you and he does his level best to kiss every inch of you, too, open mouthed. When he's finally inside you he praises you the whole while between breathy moans, telling you how he wanted to bed you over the kitchen table the moment you walked in and how lucky he was to be with such a goddess. You never doubt that he's proud to call you his again.)

Hobi (J-Hope)

Of all the men you've ever dated, Hobi was the most vocal about praising your looks.

"Look at my girl," he'd crow when you wore a dress out, "legs up to her neck. I'll be the envy of every man there, gorgeous."

He was always extra affectionate ehem you were in public, hand on your thigh during drinks, arm around your waist while waiting to cross the street.

When Hobi made a big deal about your one month anniversary, planning a night out, you went all out, wearing a daring cutout dress you thought you'd never have the confidence to wear before.

He made you feel beautiful despite what you considered extra weight, and so you wanted to reward him (the dress).

You met him at the restaurant, tottering nervously in your black stilettos. He's already sitting at the table and he stands when he sees you, his mouth dropping open.

He lets out your chair with a low whistle in your ear that makes you giggle.

After that, though, he's not nearly as handsy as usual, almost quiet, and you get more and more self conscious.

When he opens the car door for you after dinner, he clears his throat when he accidentally brushes your thigh with the back of his hand as you get in.

You feel almost dejected.

He sits in the driver's seat for a moment, all nervous energy, drumming his hands on the steering wheel.

"This dress is too much, huh?" You say nervously.

Hobi nods vigorously, and your heart sinks.

"It's way too much! I'm having such an internal struggle right now!"

You feel your bottom lip trembling. "What do you mean?"

He looks at you, having avoided your gaze most of the night, and his dark eyes are flashing, almost hungry.

"I feel like if I don't touch you I might explode but if I do touch you I might end up getting arrested for public indecency because I won't be able to stop."

You can't help but giggle as he friowns at you.

"It's not funny, babygirl. You're trying to kill me, I swear."

You keep laughing. "Take me home and then you can touch me all you like."

A smile breaks across his face.

"Really? Are you sure you're ready? It's only been a month, I know, but I promise I'll be good to you-"

You cut him off by grabbing him through his dark jeans and he lets out a low curse.

He has you laughing the whole way home.

"Aish, if I had known you were so naughty I would have tried this two weeks ago. I'm getting hand cramps from having to do it myself thinking about you in all these killer outfits you've been wearing, you tease!"

Back at his place you don't make it to the bedroom, he starts trying to tug off your dress, kissing you hungrily before the door swings shut.

You get a little nervous again. "I know I need to lose some weight, so don't be disappointed, okay?"

His eyes soften immediately. "What are you talking about? You've got the most delicious body I've ever seen and I am salivating waiting to see the rest of it. C'mon, gorgeous, I'll show you how much I love the way you look."

(In the bedroom, he turns on every light there is despite your protests, and when you complain about the stretch marks on your stomach and hips, he kisses every one. He's so vocal during sex, moans and curses. "You make me so hard. Your curves are sinful, it's not fair!"

After the first time, he's never not touching you in public, and he brags endlessly to the boys about how gorgeous you are when you come to a pool party in a two piece suit.

"I know you're all jealous, but Y/n is mine. Eyes off her gorgeous body, you losers.")

#bts #bangtan boys #bts reactions #bts imagines #bts fanfic #kim namjoon #bts imagine #jung hoseok #min yoongi #kim seokjin #bts rm #bts suga #bts fluff #bts fanfiction #bts smut #bts jhope #jhope #rm #suga #bts namjoon #bts reaction #bts jin #bts preference #bts preferences #bts thirst #bts requests

[celery8705]

The Wolf Howls for the Wind: Chapter 1

Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23276377/chapters/55742713

The last thing Cloud remembered was walking to his prized motorcycle, Fenrir. He was finally heading home after grudgingly meeting with President Rufus and the Turks in Junon. During that time, Shinra was going through a monster problem in the town, and they needed his swordsmanship to help them. He refused at first, but after seeing Priscilla and the townsfolk who helped him on his first journey, there was no way he could say no. He wasn't going to leave them defenseless against those beasts. He made it clear to Rufus that he only helped on behalf of the townspeople, not for the Shinra Corporation.

The drive home to Edge was going to be a long one, and Cloud would have to pass by Kalm to pick up additional supplies. He was able to stock up his travel bag with canned and non-perishable foods to hold him over until he got home. Just as he reached his bike, a bright, white light engulfed him. He flinched by the sudden brightness, quickly shutting his eyes and shielded them with a gloved hand. Several seconds passed, spots flashing behind his eyelids until the intense light dimmed and eventually dissipated.

Slowly opening his eyes, Cloud found himself in a desert valley, the sights of people, buildings, and his trusted motorcycle disappeared before him. Mako eyes searched the area through blonde bangs for anything that looked remotely familiar. He did find one recognizable place, but it was the last place he expected to see. Was this an illusion? Did his mind play tricks on him?

Behind him stood a tall, slim ivory tower that widened towards the top. Two large mechanical rings surrounded the middle section of the tower in a crisscrossed manner, and specks of light glittered from the top.

"Why am I back here?" Cloud asked aloud to no one in particular, confused. He remembered being summoned to this place a few years back, and a tsunami of memories flooded back to him. He recalled all the battles he had gone through, skirmishes he felt there was no point engaging in. There seemed to be no end in sight until he and his companions were able to break the cycle and returned home.

Cloud wondered if he would reunite with the companions he met during his time here, like the righteous weapons master, or the flirtatious thief with a tail. The sound of footsteps resounded from a distance, gradually growing louder. Turning his attention to the source, he saw a young man and woman walking in his direction.

The athletic man had disheveled blonde hair with spikey layers, wearing an open yellow shirt with a white hood hanging in the back. He wore black pants, his left pant leg shorter than the other, which revealed the tight red shorts beneath. A black overall-type top went over his clothing, secured with a belt in the middle. He had a wide grin as he spoke with his female companion.

The petite woman had her blonde curls in a high ponytail and wore a red floral dress with matching elbow fingerless gloves and red boots. A sash of purple, pink, and white wrapped around her waist, a dagger attached to her right hip, and white-flowered tights covered her legs. Her cape, which matched with her sash, swayed from side to side as she walked next to the young man, laughing at what he mentioned.

The man shifted his attention to Cloud, and his grin grew. "Hey, is that Cloud?" the man questioned excitedly and jogged towards him, the woman following close behind.

Cloud studied the pair after his initial surprise dissolved, the haze that fogged his memories becoming clear. He knitted his eyebrows together in thought as he searched in his mind information about these two individuals. "Tidus…Terra…" Cloud said slowly, their names returning to him.          

"It is! Cloud, it is so good to see you!" said Terra with a pleased expression and pressed her hands together in front of her.

Yes, now he remembered them. He fought alongside these two the first time around. At that moment, he recalled all he learned about them. "It's good to see the both of you, too," Cloud replied with a nod. "It's been a long time."

Terra chuckled. "It has been, hasn't it? It looks like you are doing well."

"I know! You look different, and look at all those blades you're sporting there, bud!" said Tidus, excited as he pointed to the different shaped blades sheathed in the harness Cloud wore. His expression was similar to a child receiving a gift or going to an amusement park. "Looks like Firion will have some competition now for the most weapons carried."

Typical Tidus. Even though he just arrived in this world with a foggy memory, Cloud now recalled the different personalities he encountered here. Tidus was one of the warriors with a cheerful and somewhat childish personality. Hence it didn't come as a surprise to him how excited he'd get over little things. "I see you're still the same, Tidus," Cloud said, shaking his head and smirked. He turned his gaze from his companions to the ivory tower that stood before their paths. "So, I take it you're heading there?"

"We sure are. Mind if we tag along?"

Cloud shrugged, "Do I have a choice?"

Tidus laughed and wrapped an arm around Cloud's shoulders, unconsciously causing the swordsman to tense up. The younger man failed to pick up Cloud's unease with physical contact. It was nothing against Tidus, but Cloud wasn't the touchy type and often kept the physical touches to a minimum. "You've changed Cloud, and not just in appearances. You never cease to surprise me." Cloud shrugged Tidus off, feeling anxious from the contact. When it came to something like this, Cloud could probably count on one hand just how many people he was that comfortable with. Good thing the other two didn't seem to notice.

Terra giggled, a hand covering her mouth. "I'm sure we will have plenty of time to catch up. I want to hear what you've both been up to. But first, let's head to the tower and see what's going on." Cloud and Tidus nodded. The three warriors moved forward and made their way to the lone structure ahead.

---

Cloud, Tidus, and Terra reached the base of the stairs that led to the meeting room. There were others Cloud recognized from the last time and some who were new. It felt surreal to him, to find himself back here with the warriors he fought alongside with before. Well, most of them anyway. He noticed one person was missing from the original group, a wind warrior who wandered and went wherever the wind took him. Cloud briefly wondered if the other would make an appearance to this meeting.

They all walked up the steps and entered the meeting room, where they were met with a large, spacious blue room. Enormous open windows looked out towards the barren valley and blue skies, and in the center of the room stood a gigantic azure pillar with a rotating crystal and lights swirling within. Two large mechanical rings surrounded the post, and an arch stood below them.

Standing within the arch was a woman, with long blonde hair that gradient into a red color at the ends. She wore a long white cage dress with tints of sky blue and green towards the bottom of her skirt. Attached to the back of her dress were five gold and blue swords that gave the appearance of wings. She carried her staff, the top of it consisting of mechanical rings and a center that spun at the top. The woman's gold eyes observed the room as Cloud and his companions filed in. "Thank you all for coming here; it could not have been easy. I am pleased, however, that you answered my call. I am Materia."

---

Once the meeting adjourned, some of the warriors left the tower while some lingered behind to interact. Again, the warriors were all summoned to fight in a war between gods. Cloud didn't like the idea of fighting for the gods, and it seemed like it was the same for his allies. Would he be bound to endless battles, repeatedly fighting for the gods' sakes like last time? The thought of it agitated Cloud, even more so than his meeting with Rufus and the Turks earlier.

"Hey, Cloud." His focus shifted to a shorter male with layered blonde hair pulled back into a ponytail, who wore a white sleeveless shirt with a jabot collar and a teal vest. His signature golden tail swayed from side to side as he walked up to him.

"Zidane," he said, turning his full attention to him.

"Heya, I was wondering if you've seen Bartz?"

That's right. Cloud wondered if the other warrior was going to attend the meeting since everyone from before was there, but he wasn't able to spot the familiar wanderer. He wondered if the wind warrior was even summoned by the gods at all. He shook his head. "I haven't seen him. I thought maybe he might've been with you causing trouble."

Zidane rubbed his nose and chuckled. "You make it seem like we're such deviants."

Cloud cocked an eyebrow, giving him a challenging but slightly amused look. "Well, aren't you?"

Zidane placed a hand over his chest, acting as if he was hurt. "Oh, you're too much Cloud. My heart can only take so much."

"Heh. You never change Zidane. Dramatic as always."

The genome laughed. "What can I say? I like to put on a show," he said with a bow and smug expression. Once he calmed down, Zidane's playful expression shifted to a concerned one. "So, about Bartz, do you think he's even here at all? Everyone we know is here, and I see a few new faces too. Maybe he wandered off somewhere?"

"It's hard to say. Maybe we'll run into him soon."

"Probably. I hope Bartz is not getting himself in too much trouble. Anyway, I'll see you around, Cloud!  I'm gonna hang out with the ladies," he said with a wink and ran off, catching up with Terra and two other warriors, Squall and Lightning, as they headed towards the exit. Cloud rolled his eyes. Zidane was always a ladies man.

As the other warriors filed out, Cloud also decided to be on his way as well but was stopped when the sound of doors opening reached his ears. The blonde swordsman turned and saw Materia stand at the top of the stairs, her piercing gold eyes cast on him.

"What is it?" Cloud asked, trying not to sound irritated. He was not in the mood to play the gods' game. Cloud wanted to go back to his world, to the friends and family who waited for his return.

"I've been hearing whispers about a warrior who has wandered astray. I can feel his spirit not far from here."

Cloud raised an eyebrow. Could it be someone he knew? Was it Bartz, the warrior he and Zidane were just discussing? Was he okay, did something happen with him? "What do you want me to do?"

"Seek him out, then return with him. While you are on your journey, seek out Spiritus' forces."

The swordsman pondered on Materia's request. The thought of servicing the goddess ground on his nerves. But after what he and the other warriors have gone through, Cloud considered them all his friends even though he may not show it. If he were to be stuck in this realm again, then he'd best do what needed to be done, even if he didn't agree with it. But if this lost warrior was indeed Bartz, then he wanted to make sure he was safe, and the same went with his other comrades. He wasn't going to do it for Materia. With a look of determination, Cloud asked, "Where is he?"

"I can sense his energy past the ruins to the south. The portal nearby will lead you to him."

Without another word, Cloud turned away from the goddess, left the tower, and began his journey.

As he left Materia's domain, Cloud passed by the other warriors from the meeting but didn't stick around long enough to mingle with them. He acknowledged them with a nod and kept walking in the direction Materia guided him to. He approached the ruins, where he saw a few more of his associates. He continued to walk briskly, set on completing his task.

"Oh. Hey, Cloud." He turned to the source of the caller and saw his ally Vaan, a young man with an open crop vest made of metal fastened with a pendant, and a red ribbon sash wrapped around his waist to hold up his dark pants. Vaan stood up from his crouched position on a slab of rock derived from the ruins. "Striking out on your own?"

"It's a one-person job. That's why," Cloud replied, looking away and feeling awkward. He was the type to not engage in idle chatter. Even though they were friends, he was always more inclined to listen and observe rather than lead a conversation. He felt there was not much he could contribute.

"Ah, gotcha. Wouldn't want to hold you up," Vaan said with a wave.

Without another word, Cloud turned and continued to walk in the direction he headed for, leaving Vaan with the Onion Knight Luneth and a newcomer with long ears and tail named Y'shtola.

It didn't take long before Cloud saw a portal emanating white light. The gateway projected an image before him. It was a different realm from the desert valley he was in right now. This world consisted of giant blue crystals, with the starry skies surrounding the area. What a strange world, Cloud thought. He had never seen anything like that before, but that didn't faze him from his objective. Taking in a deep breath, Cloud stepped through the portal, engulfed by the light.

---

Cloud stepped out from the gateway and found himself on the other side. He glanced back at the gateway, seeing the barren wasteland he was at moments prior as the portal closed and disappeared behind him. There was no turning back now. He turned his gaze forward and observed his new surroundings for any signs of his ally or anything that would bring him harm. There was ample open space, with multiple floors that appeared to go higher up to a certain point. The stars seemed to travel past him at high speeds, and there was nothing but darkness behind him, giving him a hint that he might be going through space.

Cloud gripped the handle of his sword. He had a feeling there was an evil presence nearby, possibly more. He had to prepare himself. Cloud grabbed the smaller blades in his harness and assembled the parts with the base sword to form one large one. With the pieces assembled, he continued forward towards the top of the area, swinging the sword to have it rest on his shoulders.

He traveled up a few levels up when he heard the sounds of what sounded like a battle unfolding, as the yells and blades clashing reached his ears. Cloud started with a cautious walk, readying himself for a fight. It wasn't until he saw two familiar figures that he began to break out into a run.

One of the fighters was a young man with brunette hair wearing sky blue, adorned with hints of gold and gray. It was Bartz; he had found him, and he was battling against his enemy Exdeath. As he ran, he caught sight of someone standing on one of the large crystals high up and observed the battle. Cloud gritted his teeth at the sight of the familiar silver-haired swordsman who tormented him for years. His enemy levitated in the air, readying his seven-foot Masamune to strike down Cloud's ally.

Just as his arch-nemesis beelined for Bartz with his sword, Cloud launched himself up and blocked the blade. Cloud deflected the first attack, stopping Sephiroth in his tracks, then followed up with two other attacks, pushing the other man away with the last one. As Cloud came back down, he landed on the steps behind Bartz with ease, his back to his comrade. He stood straight, his sword ready in front of him as he faced his enemy.

He heard the familiar voice belonging to the younger warrior behind him, who sounded confused. "Huh? Cloud?"

Sephiroth landed with barely a sound at the base of the steps in front of Cloud. Exdeath teleported in front of Bartz at the top of the stairs. Cloud kept his gaze forward on Sephiroth, who turned around to face him. He had to be prepared for whatever he was going to throw at him. "So, Cloud, we meet again." Sephiroth's smooth voice reached his ears, causing Cloud to grip the handle of his weapon even tighter, but then he heard Bartz's voice.

"Cloud, what the blazes—wait, that is your name, right? Cloud, like puffs in the sky?" Bartz asked, still confused.

Cloud furrowed his eyebrows, trying to focus on their current situation rather than the jab on his name by the wind warrior. Damn it, Bartz. This isn't the time, he thought. Though at the same time, he was glad Bartz remembered him. That meant less explaining he would have to do. He turned his head to his left, catching a small glimpse of his companion behind him while keeping his guard up. "So, you remember me. Then you know what's going on."

Bartz groaned. "We're back here again?"

Their conversation was cut short by the deep and irritated voice of Exdeath. "You… What is the meaning of this?" he demanded to Sephiroth.

"I'm trying something," Sephiroth said as if he was having a casual conversation about the weather.

"What?" Exdeath asked, confused.

Cloud readied himself when Sephiroth walked forward with a smirk and prepared himself to defend. He locked eyes with his adversary, who had that sadistic glint present in his mako green eyes. "Just humor me," Sephiroth said, bringing his Masamune up in front of him in a readying stance.

"Cloud, why are we back here?" asked Bartz, glancing behind him. "I thought it was all over!"

"We can talk about it after. Stay focused, Bartz," Cloud replied cooly.

Sephiroth chuckled, then dashed forward with incredible god-like speed, swinging his sword at Cloud. With quick reflexes, Cloud blocked the oncoming attack. He pushed his enemy away and charged. He briefly noticed Bartz and Exdeath re-engaged in battle in the corner of his eye. Turning his attention back to Sephiroth, Cloud bolted once again at him, skillfully blocking and parrying the onslaught of attacks the other man threw his way, the clashes of their blades ringing in his ears. He evaded Sephiroth's sword that aimed for his head, feeling a light brush of breeze as a result of the swing. Cloud did a backflip, landing with grace. Charging at the other man, Cloud and Sephiroth crossed blades again, both exhibiting their impressive swordsmanship abilities.

With blades crossed, Sephiroth chuckled, his snake-like green eyes boring into Cloud's. "So, once again, you're a puppet of the gods. Is that why they sent you here? You haven't changed, Cloud," Sephiroth mocked, pushing away the blonde man back.

"Shut up!" Cloud yelled, his blood beginning to boil. Sephiroth always had a way to get under his skin. He knew what buttons to press to get him riled up. Cloud swung the fusion sword, the weapon once again clashing with Sephiroth's. "I'm no one's puppet! I came here on my own accord!"

Sephiroth scoffed as if that was the most absurd thing he heard. "We shall see about that. You do not yet know the full extent of what lies within you." With superhuman speed, he attacked Cloud with a combination of swings of the Masamune, giving himself the advantage as the blonde struggled to keep up.

Cloud was unable to dodge or block one of Sephiroth's attacks, as the Masamune pierced through the fabric of his top and grazed his right side. He groaned as pain shot through his torso, where the blade broke through the skin. As he jumped back, the sharp edge created another scratch on his side. With a growl, Cloud used his cross-slash attack, sending Sephiroth back. Just as he was about to charge at the other swordsman, he heard a pained yell coming from Bartz.

Immediately, Cloud shifted his attention to Bartz, pinned to the wall with Exdeath's large hand wrapped around Bartz's throat. The wanderer squirmed, feet dangling three feet from the ground as he clawed at Exdeath to loosen the grip on his neck. With his right hand, Exdeath used his telekinetic abilities to bring his sword up and point it at Bartz, ready to strike.

Cloud had to think of something quick, or his friend would surely perish. There was no time for him to run over and stop Exdeath. Releasing and unfolding one of the smallest side blades from the fusion sword, Cloud hurled it in Exdeath's direction. Just as the evil tree released his blade to impale Bartz, the side blade collided and deflected it away from the wanderer. Cloud took this opportunity to bolt at the armored being, jumped up into the air with his sword above him, and came down with his braver attack. Exdeath teleported away from Cloud's attack, dropping Bartz in the process.

With incredible speed, Cloud grabbed the side blade sticking out from a crystal and continued on the offensive, using both the fusion sword and side blade to attack his opponent. Exdeath swung his left hand forward, sending a wave of light towards Cloud. The swordsman rolled to the side, dodged the attack, and countered with blade beam to propel a projectile of fire from his sword. His opponent teleported away and reappeared behind him as he swung his weapon at Cloud. With the two blades in his hand, Cloud blocked the onslaught of attacks from the tree warlock. While his edges crossed with Exdeath, Sephiroth appeared behind him, ready to strike. As Cloud prepared to block his arch-nemesis as well, Bartz jumped in front of Sephiroth and blocked his attack. The wanderer parried another attack from Sephiroth, pushed him back, and followed up with a black mage spell, shooting a fireball at the silver-haired swordsman. Sephiroth dodged the attack and jumped back to the top of the stairs.

Cloud made brief eye contact with Bartz with a nod of thanks. He refocused on Exdeath and pushed him back with incredible strength. He parried another blow and countered with a climhazzard attack, which slammed the other back into the crystal wall and smashed the blue formation of gems. A cloud of dust emerged from the crash where Exdeath landed. "Whoa, now that's what I call a fight!" Bartz said with excitement, coming to stand next to Cloud after warding off Sephiroth with a big smile on his face.

With a growl, Exdeath stood up from the rubble of broken precious stones and teleported to the top of the stairs next to Sephiroth. The superhuman stood nonchalant as the warlock came up beside him, and exhibited a curious look to the skies. Exdeath noticed this and asked, "What are you scheming, Sephiroth?"

"That's for me to know," the silver-haired man replied calmly, as he raised a hand to the heavens as if reaching for something. A sinister smirk pulled at his lips. "Trust me—you'll like it."

All of a sudden, blocky slits in the sky appeared, spreading quickly in the heavens and revealing a dark realm. Within those large rips were serpent-like creatures that seemed to swim within the world beyond. Cloud watched in confused horror as the slits created several more across the sky and consumed their environment gradually. There was something familiar about these beasts. Cloud shook his head; this was no time to be thinking about it and gripped his sword again. Gritting his teeth, the former soldier launched himself towards Sephiroth, his enemy quickly blocking his attack. With their blades crossed, Cloud glared at his former hero. "What did you do?" Cloud demanded with a glowering look.

"Don't you worry," Sephiroth started with an unblinking expression, unfazed by Cloud's attack on him just now. "Eventually, our goals will align."

Confused for a brief moment, Cloud let his guard drop, and Sephiroth took full advantage of that. He parried Cloud's sword to push him back and throw off his balance. He managed to block the next attack but wasn't able to maintain his stance and was thrown back with the last assault, the force sending him flying down the steps. The next thing he knew, Cloud slammed back into Bartz and sent them sliding on the ground. When they came to a stop, Cloud quickly sat up. He needed answers from Sephiroth.

"And when they do, we shall meet once again," said Sephiroth. With that, he walked into the portal that appeared behind him. Exdeath soon followed after Sephiroth into the gateway, both of them disappearing.

"Get back here!" yelled Bartz before he groaned in frustration, throwing his fist down in anger.

"They'll …align?" Cloud asked, unsure of what Sephiroth had meant before his departure. What was Sephiroth planning? Also, what did he mean earlier, about not knowing the full extent of what lies within him? Perhaps it was his way of playing with his mind again.

As Cloud got back on his feet, Bartz said, "Let's get outta here. This place is gonna crumble."

There was no need to dwell on Sephiroth. He was positive they were going to run into him again. His expression softened as he turned to Bartz, lowering his guard. "Sure. They'll all be glad to—" Cloud was interrupted when a white light appeared beneath their feet. He and Bartz looked down, and he realized it was a glowing portal opening up beneath them. Without having a chance to react, he and Bartz got sucked into the portal, disappearing from the area.

#Cloud Strife #Bartz Klauser #Clartz #Kurabatsu #5/7 #7/5 #Dissidia NT #The Wolf Howls for the Wind #May put previews here but post full chapters on AO3

[madgodintherain]

5. Yrgenzol

Series: Five Ways the Cardhouse Never Touched Avinlor - Masterpost Characters:

Cobweb - Maitos (one of mine - Avinlor’s apprentice)

Mustard Seed - Tsefida (also one of mine, although not a part of Avinlor’s story)

Moth - Alice (as herself - the/a central character of Cardhouse and the Cage)

Peaseblossom Flower - Anemone (the bitchiest star)

Yrgenzol - Avinlor (a denizen)

Logus, Jezebel, the Cardmaster (referenced); Oskyod (referenced); two unnamed stars

Notes: see this post for a lot more than you probably want to know about gender and the perception thereof in this fic

-- --

Maitos, known as the Cobweb to the rest of his coterie, turned left as the corridor took yet another corner, and promptly spun up the wall and settled into the fork of one of the lower branches of a leafless tree. He was not altogether certain where the roof had gone, but he was willing to hypothesize that it was at least partly responsible for the floor's decision to forego being a useful structure and relocate to the bottom of a pit—assuming the pits here had bottoms. The rattling of a few last pebbles gave way to a series of small splashes, so the Cobweb supposed there was some kind of liquid not too far down the pit. Yrgenzol had said the labyrinth was old, but when asked to elaborate, he had not said 'ruinously-crumbling old', but merely 'old as balls'. The Cobweb supposed he should have made the logical assumption.

Yrgenzol had also indicated that their task required some degree of haste (though all the more care for that), but had the Cobweb's team all entered the labyrinth at the same point? No, they had not. Now he had to waste precious time finding the rest of his cohort and, apparently, dodging disagreeable pieces of maze. The tree seemed sturdy enough—more dormant than dead—so the Cobweb climbed higher for a better view.

From his new vantage, the Cobweb could see that the stone corridors were mostly subterranean, only appearing here and there, where either the dirt of ages had not yet buried them, or where the ground had partially eroded from them. In one direction lay something like a hedge maze—if the hedges were predominately briars and weeds—and some curious earthworks that overlapped partially with the stone tunnels. Off in another direction stood a grove of trees, gnarled and twisted, but decidedly unspooky. The Cobweb distrusted his instinctive trust of it. Climbing down, the Cobweb set off toward the bramble maze: something in that direction caused his fingertips to tingle in a familiar way that always made him want to sneeze.

He was just skirting the earthworks when the ground gave way beneath him again. He dangled, swinging, from the jutting edge, and then scurried across the ceiling to nest comfortably in a corner of roof and wall. Beneath him, a dense fog drifted about on the floor of the tunnel. Maitos had heard of bad air that sank to the bottom of hollows, but such things were supposed to be invisible. This fog was a sickening orange-black and would probably do something much nastier than merely suffocate him if he got caught in it. As he watched, it stopped billowing to and fro, and began streaming into the shadows down one arm of the corridor. At the same time, something poked the Cobweb in the side, and he looked back to the hole in the tunnel's roof to see the Mustard Seed peering over the rim of the hole, holding a stick in one hand and waving at him with the other.

'You look like you could use a hand up,' the Mustard Seed said, and poked at him again. The Cobweb took the hint and clung onto the stick. With a tug and flick, he was standing once more on solid ground and beside one of his fellow Stars.

'Thanks,' he said, and, 'do you know where the rest of our team are?'

The Mustard Seed shrugged. 'Knowing's not my concern: they'll come to me. You did, after all.'

'I wish them better luck than me. That's the second collapse I've triggered.' He nodded toward the hole, where the vile haze had entirely vanished. 'I wouldn't have thought I was that heavy-footed.'

The Mustard Seed frowned down into the open tunnel. 'I suppose I could have left you after all. Where'd it all go?' A girl stepped into view below them: a girl with feathered antennae, powdery wings, and a grin full of sharp teeth—several of which still had shreds of orange-black mist caught in them. 'Oh, of course.'

'Jezebel's,' the Cobweb muttered.

'Easy enough to see why Yrgenzol took you, Cobweb,' the Moth said. 'They say she was Fall once.'

'Fly up here, Moth, and take that back!'

'I am rubber, you are glue: whatever bounces off of me sticks to you!' the Moth sang back at him. 'You're not catching me today, Cobweb!'

'Stop dawdling, Moth,' came a new voice, and a Flower emerged from the corridor. She looked up at the Cobweb and the Mustard Seed and said, 'Boys,' with such venomous disdain that everyone present could hear the ugh, even though the Flower did not demean herself by uttering it.

Maitos was pretty sure the remark strictly applied only to him, since his teammate seemed to be a girl today as far as he could tell. The Mustard Seed simply flicked a finger at the two stars beneath them and the Moth and the Flower were engulfed in another cloud—dull yellow this time. In a moment, though, that too had disappeared, and the Moth was licking her lips. 'Delicious,' she smirked.

'Vermin,' the Mustard Seed grumbled.

The Flower sniffed. 'Yrgenzol clearly takes any riffraff she happens upon. I wonder what the Cardmaster will say when he hears her team is stealing our assignment?'

'Who's going to tell him, Flower? You?' The Mustard Seed laughed. 'You know better than that. You'll tell Jezebel, we'll tell Yrgenzol, and whoever's team doesn't complete the task will slink around the corners of the Cardhouse, scrounging for scraps of glory until they actually do something right. Come on, Cobweb. Jezebel's flutterbunch can keep their nasty tunnels. Give them a sense of purpose, maybe.' The Mustard Seed led the way toward the meeting of the bramble maze and the earthworks.

'Yrgenzol wouldn't actually steal an assignment though, would he?' the Cobweb asked his companion. 'Not generally, at least, and not from Jezebel since they're . . . well, since they have a loose rapport, I suppose.'

'Not generally, no, but I think she might—yes, alright, he might—if it were important to him. Personally, that is; not necessarily within the Cardhouse. Unless you're suggesting Jezebel stole from Yrgenzol?'

'Actually, I was thinking we'd been double-assigned. Possibly even more so, if a lot of teams really have failed at this before.'

'Hmmmm. I don't like the sound of that. Well, we knew we couldn't go directly (or we should have known), but we'd better pay extra attention to being devious now. We'll come up with something.'

Something turned out to be a sort of tunnel-bridge between the earthworks and the hedge maze that took them over an eerily clear, blue pond and into the grove of gnarled trees. At this point, the team had a very important debate over whether to call the territory the Non-, Un-, or Post- Haunted Forest. The Cobweb's suggestion—Familiarless Familiar Forest—had been eliminated early on. The trees had neither leaves nor needles on them, nor any at their feet, and the ground was bare packed dirt with not a sign of leaf mould or indeed that anything ever had decayed there. For all its unnaturalness, however, it kept reminding the Cobweb of something, though he was sure he had never seen a stand of trees anything like it. Once only did the Cobweb find any kind of foliage as he explored beneath the bare branches: a single leaf of a shape he had never seen—lobed and toothed—rich green in hue, with veins just faintly shading towards teal or turquoise. He watched it for a long moment, and when it seemed to be no more than just a leaf, he picked it up, and placed it gently in a safe pocket. Intellectually, he still did not trust the forest, or anything in it, but he was done with fighting the intuition that assured him there was nothing to fear.

Once the Post-Haunted Forest was appropriately named, the Cobweb and his fellow stars set about coercing its past into existence. This turned out to be a shrine, which made the Mustard Seed pout. 'Shrines in strange forests are just so cliché,' she complained. On further inspection, however, the shrine turned out to be a tomb, and the Mustard Seed brightened up again.

'What? Tombs aren't cliché?' the Cobweb asked.

'They are a logical extension, of course,' she retorted. 'Even so, elaborately crafted burial sites do not actually figure into literature and folklore to remotely the same degree.'

'"Fetch a rock,"' one of their companions grumbled. 'The entire thing is made of rock. There's a dozen fancy rocks inside of it. How do we even begin to test which one's right, if even the Cardmaster hasn't decided how he's going to use it?'

'If you recall, Yrgenzol said we were to fetch a stone,' the Mustard Seed corrected.

'Stone, rock, what difference does it make what he said?'

'Honestly, am I the only person who knows the difference between a stone and a rock? Stone designates a function or a purpose; rock is simply a state of being!'

'Yes, yes,' interrupted the Cobweb, who had learned the distinction from Yrgenzol some time ago, though he suspected that the Mustard Seed had been given the type of education that just taught people those obscure sorts of things. 'But even if we did somehow name-test everything, we still need to know what we're testing for. Even the structural stuff will answer 'stone' if we ask it about building.'

'No good arguing about it until we have a look,' the fourth Star said, which turned out to be the best plan possible. After a thorough investigation, the entire team unanimously agreed that the green disk, with rings like a tree slice and a jagged hole in its center, was the stone they had been sent to find.

'It's odd, though,' the Cobweb remarked. 'I would have thought we'd have run into Jezebel's team again.'

'Flutterbunch,' the Mustard Seed said, and shrugged.

In due course, they presented their stone to Yrgenzol, who congratulated them on having all survived the labyrinth and went to deliver it to the Cardmaster, leaving them to argue over how serious their patron was about their survival. Meanwhile, word filtered through the Cardhouse that Jezebel's team had also returned with a stone, as had Logus' and Oskyod's and—

'Enough already!' the Mustard Seed snapped. 'You were right, Cobweb. We were clearly all sent out, one against another.' The Mustard Seed managed to accept the eventual verdict that their stone was not the right one with minimal bitterness—probably, the Cobweb thought, because Jezebel's had already been declared false as well. Logus began to look more and more smug as time went on and one stone after another was rejected, until, quite suddenly, he was not to be seen around at all.

The Cobweb went in search of the Mustard Seed, and found him lying, belly-down, in the dirt of an unweeded garden. 'I don't think we'll see much of Logus or those stars around for a while,' the Cobweb said. 'Word is, their stone—discovered by the most systematic and precise techniques—blew up at the Cardmaster.'

The Mustard Seed laughed. 'Put a bunch of twigs in the dish of noodles, and what do you expect?' he said. The Cobweb laughed as well, and sat down beside his friend.

It was sometime after that (or, perhaps, not yet so late as Logus' disgrace) that Yrgenzol came to see the Cobweb where the latter hovered amongst the rafters. 'I believe that there is one other thing you found in the labyrinth,' Yrgenzol said.

Maitos started, but nodded, and carefully took out the leaf he had picked up in the Post-Haunted Forest—lobed and toothed, rich green in hue, with veins just faintly shading towards teal or turquoise. Yrgenzol stared at it, tilted his head, and stared at it some more. 'May I?' he asked, and Maitos nodded again.

Yrgenzol picked up the leaf and, holding it in the palm of one hand, traced the veins with the fingers of the other, and smiled at it.

Though wary of interrupting the denizen, Maitos presently gathered the courage to ask, 'This . . . this isn't what the Cardmaster was looking for, is it?'

'Does it look like a stone?'

Maitos knew a stone from a rock. 'It has a function.'

'If everything that had a function were a stone, then everything would be a stone.'

Maitos tried to piece that one out, but gave up and set it aside as a logic puzzle for later.

'Don't worry. This isn't at all what our Lord was looking for in that labyrinth.' Yrgenzol cupped her hands around the leaf and placed it into a safe pocket. 'Thank you, little Cobweb,' he said.

#yes I got lazy #and decided to run with Shakespeare fairies #p.s. - I'm still pretty convinced the leaf is something to do with #Lortez #I'm less certain about whether the labyrinth is Belaicy #Avinlor #Maitos #Alice #Anemone #side prose

[operafantomet]

The good, the neutral and the bad: Christine’s maid/Serafimo costume

This too is a category where there aren’t really any stinkers. “Il Muto” is a scene most productions handle well. Possibly because it is familiar opera/rococo terrain? Basically all productions to a combo of an ambiguous blouse/shirt and/or vest with breeches under a rip-off-skirt. All versions make sense; some are really good, and a lot of them are good ideas but maybe with some not-so-well solutions in execution. So here goes:

The good: I apparently always put the replica costumes on top. I’m probably biased. But I think this is a really good combo. The blouse/shirt works for both genders, the collar adds the little extra, and the skirt and breeches have the same kind of belt, which creates a sort of continuity. The mob cap and the little apron on the skirt also adds to the idea of her being a maid. The costume comes in a variety of shades on both the skirt and the breeches; shown here is mint and black breeches, and white and rust skirts.

I also love the 2004 movie costume. I love that delicate stripes seems to be their signature detail, and that the same type of fabric was used for Christine’s vest and Meg’s bodice, to tie the two characters together:

I also find the blue/pink/pastel colour scheme is fresh and delicate at the same time, nicely accentuated by the white blouse/shirt.

The neutral: The Czech costume is really well tailored, with snug breeches, a fitted bodice with lace engageantes, and a fluffy skirt reminding of the Sylvan Glade ones. I would have put this one on top, had it not been for the way too garish colours chosen for the breeches - that ruins an otherwise perfect costume.

The Finnish/Swedish costume is one of the plainest in the lot. But not necessarily in a bad way. Cream breeches, cream frilly shirt, teal vest and teal maid skirt forms a nice total, and when going from teal skirt to cream breeches the contrast is very clear. But it kinda feels like this is a more successful pageboy costume than maid costume. I think it lacks the hint of the maid - an apron, some flowers, a silly hat, something.

The Polish costume goes by the same idea - breeches, frilly skirt, fitted vest, rip-off-skirt. The green/yellow/white colour scheme is interesting, and the double-breasted vest a nice touch and similar to the movie’s. It would have gotten a higher placement had the maid skirt been nicer. Similar to the Finnish/Swedish one, it lacks the maid details. Also, the peplum thing around the hips looks totally unmotivated and is not particularly flattering.

The Hungarian costume might be the most original of the lot. Again, breeches, frilly shirt and a fitted vest, plus a mobcap. But instead of a rip-off-skirt, they’ve made an ornate and super frilly apron. This is a super idea. But the execution of it looks so bad. The chiffon ruffles in particular - it makes it look like something from a 1970s glamour magazine. If they had gone for lace instead it would have been a very cool take on the maid costume. Cause it’s certainly original!

The Estonian costume: to be honest, I was never really on board on the whole “laser printed Rococo motifs” they have going on for all the Il Muto costumes. Obviously that affects my idea of the whole costume, cause it’s basically the only interesting thing it has going on; the Rococo motif stomacher. The rest is plain cream: cream bodice, cream breeches, cream skirt. I am awfully neutral to this one, but of the lot it is amongst the bottom three.

The bad: The Romanian one... basically looks like a low-budget school production. Fitting a long vest under the skirt would have worked if the vest itself was fitted. Which it is not. The breeches also looks more like bloomers, which kinda goes against the whole “pageboy” idea. And the skirt looks like something they picked up on the nearest H&M. Not to mention, this is “50 shades of cream”. Quite underwhelming. The only cool and slightly original detail here is the “Mozart” wig they’ve fitted the actress with. If they had gone Mozart all the way, with a red and gold and lace, it would have been way cooler. But that said, the costume isn’t totally unfitting for its context. Just fairly cheap-looking and lacking a clear idea. 

#good neutral bad #serafimo #il muto maid #costume nerding #il muto

[twisted-broth]

Dance With Me- Castiel x Reader

Reader gender- female

Warnings- swearing

A/N- I’m sorry this took so long! I was on a road trip and didn’t have the chance to publish this!

Request- Anon requested:  Heya I know you just got a request (that sounds awesome btw) but would you please do a castiel x reader where the reader teaches cas how to dance and ends with him showing them their wings when you get the chance? Also I LOVE YOUR WRITING!! Keep up the good work!

“Y/N!” Dean yelled, grabbing your attention from the book you were reading.

“Huh? What?” You asked.

“Jesus Christ, I've been trying to get your attention for forever!” He groaned.

“Oh, sorry, it's uh, it's a really good book.” You said, rubbing the back of your neck in embarrassment.

“Yeah, whatever. So there's this high and mighty vamp family in Missouri that likes to throw balls every month or so and kill off some of the people there. Sam and I have a bunch of missing persons reports down in Arizona so we're heading down there. You think you and Cas can handle it?” He asked.

“Yeah, sure. Email me details, I'll go pack up.” You stood, grabbing your book and heading down the bunker hallway to your room.

“Yo, Cas!” You yelled, pausing in front of his room.

“Yes, Y/N?” He looked up from a book he was reading.

“So, we're heading up to Missouri to take down a vamp nest. You're gonna need, like, a tux or something.”

“Would one of my FBI suits be appropriate?” He asked.

“Not really. You know what? Come with me, we're going shopping.”

He stood and followed you to the living room where you slipped on a pair of shoes, grabbed your car keys and hopped into your car, Castiel in tow.

“So, what do we need a tuxedo for?” Cas asked on the ride to the mall.

“The vamp family we're hunting has these balls where they kill their vics so we're going to one of those. Dean made us reservations under Mr and Mrs Novak. Which reminds me-” you groaned, “we have to get some cheap rings.”

“Oh. I see.” He said quietly.

“Something wrong?” You asked. “Is it with us going as a married couple? Sorry, we probably should have asked you first.”

“No, it's not that, I understand it's just for business. It's, umm,” he trailed off.

“What?” You asked as you pulled into the mall parking lot.

You locked the doors before he could leave and avoid your question.

“Seriously, Cas, what is it?”

“I, umm, I don't know how to dance.” He admitted shyly.

You promptly laughed out loud upon hearing his confession.

“Oh my god!” You laughed.

“Y/N, please, it's really not that funny.” He sighed.

“You're telling me,” you laughed as you unlocked the doors and got out, “you're telling me, that you've been around for, like, millennia and you don't know how to dance.”

“I've never needed the knowledge.” He shrugged.

“Don't worry about it, Cassie. I'll teach you.”

With that promise, you two walked into the mall, heading for the Men’s Wearhouse.

“Everything here basically looks the same so go nuts.” You said, gesturing to the store lined with black suits.

It didn't take long for him to pick out a tux that fits him, as well as a pale blue tie. After paying, you two walked a ways through the mall before coming across a Nordstrom.

You sighed among seeing the many racks of dresses in the store. “I hate dress shopping.” You groaned.

Cas trailed you like a lost puppy as you fumbled through the clearance racks, looking for something appropriate. You darted around, grabbing anything that caught your eye. When you had collected a assortment of different dresses, you sat Cas down in front of the dressing rooms and went to try on the first one.

The first was a teal dress that flared out significantly at the bottom. The top was all lacy and the sleeves came down to your elbows. It was tied with a pink bow around the waist. You decided that while it was nice, it wasn't moveable enough for vamp killing.

The next had a long red skirt with a cream top that had rose patterns on it. It was gorgeous, but squeezed your chest so much it felt like you would pass out.

Another was a red satin dress. A jewel encrusted belt lay at your waist with the top of the dress wrapping around your chest. However, with the straps looping around your arms, you could hardly raise a finger.

Narrowing down to your last few dresses, you pulled on a pale blue one that flared out and ruffled at the bottom. It was strapless and hugged your chest tightly with jewels lining the top of the dress and the waist. The skirt was big enough that you could run in it and there wasn't any ribbons or loops to get in your way.

“What do you think?” You asked Cas as you exited the dressing room.

“Beautiful.” He breathed before raising his voice, “I- um- the dress I mean. The dress is beautiful. Not that you aren't beautiful, you're just always beautiful and the dress, it just enhances… your...  beauty.” He rushed awkwardly.

“I guess we'll take it then.” You laughed, walking back to change into your regular flannel and jeans.

Coming out, you saved the blue dress and deposited the others on the rack and walked with Cas to cashier.

“Okay so we'll stop by a jewelry store and get some plain bands- 200 dollars? Jesus Christ, okay.- and I have a ring at home I can use for an engagement ring. Shoes: I've got some boots I can use and I'm sure Dean has some dress shoes you can- Cas? Are you okay?” When you looked over at the angel you saw that his cheeks had donned a bright red.

“Your, uh, your shirt isn't buttoned very far.” He mumbled.

You looked down at your flannel which you had only buttoned half of the way, leaving the valley of your bra exposed.

“Oh, sorry,” you said, buttoning it up, “I guess I kind of rushed.”

“Mm-hm.” He hummed, a blush still gracing his face.

“Has anyone ever told you, you get flustered very easily?” You laughed.

“It’s been mentioned a few times.” He admitted.

After you had purchased some plain, silver bands, you hauled your purchases to the car and made your way back to the bunker.

After you dropped off your stuff at your rooms, you searched around and found a large, empty room that you and Cas could practice in.

“Okay, so, when you waltz, you count in threes. There’ll be two counts of three in one movement, okay?” You explained.

“Alright.” He nodded in understanding.

“So, when we’re at the ball, you’ll be the one leading because it’s customary for men to lead. So, I'll help you through the lead steps. So the leading person takes their partner’s hand in their left hand and puts their right hand on their partner’s shoulder. The following person puts their left hand on the leaders waist.” You did things as you said them, lacing your hand with his and guiding his hand to your shoulder.

“We bring our elbows to shoulder height,” you raised your elbow and he did the same, “and you stand with a straight back and loose knees.”

“So you, the leader, will start with your left foot touching my right foot.” You pushed your right foot to his left foot. “You'll step forward with your left foot as I step back with my right.”

You followed his hesitant step forward with a step backward.

“Relax, Cas, it's a very flowy dance. So, now you're gonna step diagonally with your right foot, I'll do the same with my left foot.”

You guided him through the rest of the movements: step together, forward right, diagonal left, step together, repeat. After going through the dance a few times, with him stepping sparingly on your feet, you decided he was ready.

Grabbing your phone, you played one of your favorite classical pieces. You laced your hand with his and placed your hand on his shoulder.

You two gracefully waltzed around the room, lost in the music. When the song had finally cut off, you ended your dance.

“Well, I think you're all set. Let's go to Missouri.”

___

“Novak.” You informed the host as you approached the doors of the ballroom.

“Mr and Mrs?” He asked, reading from the list in front of him.

“That's us.” You confirmed, shooting a glance at your intertwined hands, both of which held the bands you had purchased. Yours also held an simple, cheap ring with a fake diamond on it.

“Enjoy your night.” He said, gesturing to the open door behind him.

You thanked him and entered the vast ballroom, your dress gently sweeping the floor.

“Should we be looking for them?” Cas asked, nervously scanning the ballroom.

“Nah, we don't want to look too suspicious. Let's just chill for a little bit. From what Dean told me, it seems like they'll come to us.” You sighed upon seeing Cas’ still worried face. “Dance with me, Cassie.”

“Excuse me?”

“C’mon! I didn't teach you for nothing! Dance with me!” You laughed, pulling Castiel onto the dance floor.

You began your dance just as a new song started, dozens of other couples dancing with you. You saw Cas look around at the other groups, the way the men would spin and dip their partners.

“Cas…” you warned, fearing that, if he were getting at what you thought he was, he would mess up and drop you.

Ignoring you, Cas spun you around and cradled your body as your dropped down, his face dangerously close to yours. After holding you there a moment too long, doing nothing but staring into your eyes, a voice broke you two apart.

“Excuse me,” the voice of a little girl said.

“What is it, hun?” You asked after Cas put you back on your feet.

“My mommy was getting something out of the pantry for the party and she got locked in. Can you help me get her out?” The girl asked.

Everything about her story screamed ‘suspicious’. As you followed her down a hallway, you reached down to your boot and pulled out the machete you had somehow managed to shove in there. It wasn't the most comfortable thing in the world, but it worked. You looked back to see Cas with a machete of his own. Where he stored his, well, you preferred not to ask.

She led you into a large empty room. You spun around as the door slammed closed behind you. A snarling figure emerged from the shadows.

“Hunters.” They growled.

“What?” The little girl asked as she spun around. “Dammit! I'm so sorry mom, I didn't know!”

“It's fine.” The vamp sighed.

“Hunters?” One vamp asked as they emerged from the shadows.

“Great.” Another groaned.

Pretty soon, you were surrounded by about a dozen vamps.

“Well this has been a nice chat.” The leader said, peeling herself off the wall. “But, it's time for you to die.”

“Funny,” you replied, “I could say the same for you.”

The vamps lunged at you, trying their best to sink their fangs into you. Backing your way out of the horde, you swung your machete, cutting off head after head. It was easy to tell these vamps didn't do much actual hunting; they were slow and sloppy.

After a short lived fight, you wiped off your machete with a rag you brought and shoved it back in your boot.

“Good thing I've been doing this for years, otherwise I'd have ruined a perfectly good dress.” You turned to Cas whose suit was dotted with blood. “You'll get there, Cassie.” You laughed.

“Yes, I suppose. Shall we go now?” He asked whilst wiping the blood off his jacket.

“Yep. Let's take the back door; you kinda got a little something.” You joked.

You exited out the back door and hopped in your car, quickly driving from the crime scene.

“Y/N, where are we going? The way to our hotel was back there.” Cas remarked after you had been driving for a while.

“You'll see.” You responded with a slight smirk on your face.

After another hour of driving, you came across a small forest on the side of the road. You pulled over and got out, Cas following close behind.

“Now will you tell me?” Cas pleaded.

“It's still here.” You breathed as you broke out of the trees into a small clearing.

Fairy lights lined the trees. Beautiful flowers made up the outer circle, leaving the center clear.

“What’s still- wow.” You laughed happily and ran over to turn on the lights.

“I used to live right by here. My friend and I found this clearing one day and we decorated it. We would come here everyday, weed the flowers and just sit. The weeds are going crazy though. I guess she hasn't been here in awhile.” You sighed, suddenly missing your childhood friend.

“I'm sorry to hear about your friend. Is there any reason you brought me here?” Cas asked.

You brightened up, remembering the reason you drove all this way. “Yes!” You raced over to your phone and started playing music. “We never finished our dance!”

“Y/N, it's midnight, we have to drive another hour back, it's the middle of October…” Cas complained.

“Oh hush, Cassie, you know you wanna.” You laughed, grabbing his arms and pulling him in for a waltz. He danced reluctantly at first, but soon gave in, twirling you with a smile on his face.

You shuddered as the song finished. You hadn't realized how cold it was, especially in your strapless dress.

“Are you cold?” Cas asked as you pressed yourself into his chest for warmth.

“Mm-hm.” You hummed.

You suddenly felt something soft wrap around you. It felt as though Cas had just wrapped a blanket around you but how would he-

“Oh my god.” You gasped as you looked at what was enclosing you. “Cas are these-”

Hugging your body were two large, white wings. The feathers were the softest things you'd ever felt and you were warmed instantly.

“My wings. I haven't-” he sighed, searching for the right words, “it's a very intimate thing among angels to show someone your wings. I've never felt a strong enough connection with someone to actually show them my wings. But, it's a connection I think I share with you.”

“They're beautiful, Cas.” You breathed, stroking the wings that surrounded you.

“Thank you but, we should probably be going now.” He started to pull away from you but you quickly clung onto his chest.

“C’mon, Cassie. The night is still young. Dance with me one more time.”

“If you insist.”

Supernatural Taglist

@casbabydontgoineedyou @kirstentheineffectiveemo @mistypancake10666

Let me now if you want to be tagged!

#castiel x reader #castiel #x reader #supernatural #supernatural x reader #cas x reader #cas #request #my writing

[goron-king-darunia]

Annon-Guy: Hope you liked the Symphonia Swimsuit and Swimwear outfits. How would you rank them? P.S. Sorry there isn't official swimwear art for Regal and Kratos and there isn't any swimwear art for Richter and Decus yet.

I do like the swim gear. Also you’re not in charge of character design so don’t apologize that there aren’t swimsuits for some characters. XD That’s Bandai Namco’s fault.  The girls all have better swimsuits than the boys because the boys just have trunks and accessories while the girls have some variation. I think I like Colette’s swimsuit best because it looks like it’s a one-piece/full swimsuit with a little scarf/towel/skirt for decoration and her hair us up in cute braids. Presumably, the little brown skirt part comes off while swimming so you can dry off and put it on again after so it gets a modesty and practicality bonus. After that, it’s probably a tie between Marta and Presea. Both their suits really complement their eyes and they’re cute and sexy without being provocative. Sheena COULD be in this tier if there was a boy in the lineup wearing a speedo to be equally provocative, but sadly, Sheena’s just relegated to being-eye candy so she loses points there. So bottom tier is Sheena (for reasons I stated above) Raine and Alice because while I like Raine’s suit, there’s nothing really remarkable about it. I like the skirt element and how the mature but not too sexy two-piece suit. Shows she has a fun side/ isn’t overly reserved but still doesn’t just flaunt her assets. As for Alice, something about the swimsuit design feels... badly proportioned to me. I like the floral element, but the top looks like it has more substance than the bottoms and that makes her look a bit top-heavy when you add in the hat. If the bottoms were a bit longer, maybe I would like it better? But skirted bathing suits are hard to swim in, so unless Alice’s swimsuit is just for walking by the sea or is made of really light material, it’s kind of impractical for bathing/swimming in.  As for the existing boys: I think I like Emil best. He’s sporty, but not too sporty and the top is a good choice for sunny days when you don’t want to get sunburnt and it’s something easy to take off or put on depending on how warm the weather is. The hood’s a little silly but I guess it would keep the sun off you a bit, and I like the hem and sleeve elements on the top. If Lloyd’s shoes are actually sandals and not flippers, I like his second best, even though he should probably take off the snorkel to play volleyball. His trunks are sensible and have a place to put his swords, obviously. If his footwear is flippers, I hate his suit most because COME ON, those are weird to walk in and he should be falling on his face trying to play volleyball in flippers! That’s like trying to run a marathon in clown shoes! Genis would be my next favorite after that. It’s kind of plain, but the little kitty elements on his shoes are really cute. His orange trunks with blue shoes and details would make him really cute with Presea. And then there’s Zelos. Minimum of two bracelets but it looks like he’s wearing SIX bracelets. Some of the girls are wearing accessories too, but it’s only a couple bangles. Furthermore, what the girls are wearing look like they clasp closed or are solid metal so they probably won’t come off on accident. Most of Zelos’s bracelets look tied on and would probably loosen and come off in the ocean. Maybe the blue band is an elastic hairtie, which is fair enough, and maybe the yellow band is a silicone bracelet, but unless the ties on the rest are also elastics he’s gonna lose them in the sea and I hate that. XD Also that shirt? Gaudy as hell and doesn’t look good with his trunks. Black, red and yellow look ugly next to that light blue and pinkish red! The stripes also seem so... simultaneously old-man vibes and young kid vibes. XD. The sunglasses are kinda cool, but it looks like he either got henna or put on a temporary tattoo just for the beach which MAKES NO SENSE TO ME! If it’s henna, I guess it’s forgivable, because henna doesn’t wash off unless you scrub hard, but like... WHY WOULD YOU PUT ON SOMETHING THAT WILL FADE IN THE SUN OR WASH OFF IN THE SEA TO GO TO THE BEACH?! If I had to speculate on the other boys’ suits. Decus and Regal seem the most likely candidates for a speedo or briefs. Decus would honestly probably have, like some black briefs with yellow and purple elements like what he wears on his normal clothes, a white towel around his neck or something, and he would be carrying like, 6 bags of beach supplies like an umbrella and collapsable tent and a folding beach chair and a picnic basket and stuff. All for Alice of course. Regal would probably wear trunks considering most of the rest of the cast, even the slutty Zelos, wears trunks. But if not, I can imagine him with black or dark blue briefs and maybe an unbuttoned white, short-sleeved shirt. I want to say he wears waterwings to match the handcuff aesthetic, but probably not. XD. Kratos has major old-timey dad vibes so I just imagine him with some weird, too-big trunks with the long drawstrings with some kind of hibiscus pattern and a Hawaiian shirt with some sort of tropical print on it.  Richter is a weird case to think about (and I love him so obviously he gets his own paragraph. Richter would be so funny to see in a Speedo, and I HAVE seen someone draw him in briefs, but I don’t think he would dress that way. We’ve only ever seen official art of him fully covered up, and even though his Lord of flame outfit is slutty as hell because of all that exposed chest skin and that LOW, LOW, SLUTTY SLUTTY dip right near his crotch, he still has everything covered. His nipples probably wouldn’t be drawn, but they would theoretically be covered in the Lord of Flames mode. They give Richter Ken Doll Anatomy in the Lord of Flames mode because if they didn’t it would be... weird. But presumably, we’re meant to interpret that the suit covers everything, even the hair that should probably be down there peeking up above that SLUTTY, SLUTTY dip. But even with Lord of Flame’s sluttiness, the important bits are still (presumably) covered and so is all the rest of him. He even has that billowing coat element. So, I theorize that Richter prefers to be covered up. So while I could see him in a wetsuit, I doubt he’d wear that to the beach, mostly because I don’t think he owns a full wetsuit and partly because while that is in-keeping with his “skin-tight, full-body coverage” aesthetic, it also reads as “surfer” which he probably isn’t and “diver” which I doubt he’d have the other gear for. If he was going spear-fishing, maybe. And he might! But Richter doesn’t strike me as a guy that just has that gear. So what I THINK I can see him wearing is probably a tight rashguard (basically a swimsuit-material “t-shirt” meant to keep the sun off your body while you swim without getting in your way) and some tight trunks instead of loose trunks like the rest of the boys are wearing. They could be in a nice purple like on his usual costume, or maybe a soft blue or teal, perhaps with a fish print to remind us of Aqua? That being said, if Bandai Namco decided he should wear a slutty, slutty speedo with his butt hanging out, I wouldn’t complaiiiin. I’d just be very confused and also if they didn’t deliberately draw him all sexy and sweaty I would be mad because if you’re gonna put him in a slutty bathing-suit, you should at LEAST lean into that. Emil’s drawn sweaty/wet like he’s on a magazine cover. If you draw Richter in a speedo and don’t make him wet, that’s just a wasted opportunity. I would also shit myself laughing if they drew him in short clothes but confirmed Richter’s skintone is just his level of tan and he just has a really weird case of “business man tan.” Like farmers tan but the only part of him that’s tan is his fucking head. XD I doubt that’s the case though. Lord of Flames mode suggests that Richter’s skintone is the same all over his body, because his exposed chest and belly match his face, even though the skin is darker and more purple in Lord of Flames mode.

#Letters from Annon Guy #DotNW #bathing suits #rankings #speculation #headcanons #Richter Abend #Anonymous #ask GKD

[lostwithoutyourtouch]

In all his sixteen years of living have never been asked so many questions by someone that he didn’t know how to replied to them all. It was odd that someone actually wanted to get to know him... Maybe it wasn’t so odd considering this man somehow got him to agree to accept his proposal. “Well, um my favorite color is teal and it’s not because of this.” He replied pointing to one of his eyes before thinking about his the songs he liked from no name. There was one song, in particular, he liked above all others so he shared the one song that actually meant anything to him. Levi should know considering he told him he knew of his memories.

“I guess if I have to pick and choose I prefer songs that aren’t so trashy I don’t care for degrading music or violence and guns or drugs. It’s just isn’t my thing. I guess old school songs are up my alley.” When he asked two more question about clothes and hair he was slightly confused. “I don’t really understand that question? What do you mean by type of clothing?” When he explained he thought for a long moment before responding, “I guess I prefer female clothing and I like wearing bodysuits. I can wear them with anything rather they are pants or skirts or by themselves if I feel bold walking around the house like that. Plus it’s convenient when it’s open at the back.”

Eren had to pause to get a drink of water he has never talked this much either unless it was with his Mom but, even then he felt like he had spoken a week worth of conversation if not questions. “I don’t really have a preference. I had both short and long hair. I guess I kept it long to hide my back but, also because I thought maybe I’d look good with long hair too. My mom always complimented me of how beautiful or cute I am and it gives me the practice to do my Mom’s hair when I do my own hair.” He replied with a careful shrug of his shoulder.

 What kind of movies do you like to watch? What kind of books do you like to read? Levi even asked him if he had ever been ice skating and if he would like to go sometime?

Eren took his time answering his question while he ate what was in front of him and washing it down with water. He dabbed at his mouth before facing him again, “I ah I guess thrillers and horror movies even though I’m no good with them. Romance and comedy are always fun and awesome to watch and lately I’ve been getting into some sci-fi but, I’m hella picky. The same goes for the book but, um...the books are more extreme than the movies...” He said with a blush. Again Levi was there so he knew what he’s been reading. He shared the same love with his mom of romance books and hell since the gay romance was rising on the market they always picked up a gay book together every month. It was just there thing and harmless fun of entertainment to discuss it after they were done with the book or when they get to a steamy scene it just depends whoever was the one to bring it up.

Eren slowly lost his smile of the last three and looked down to his lap where his hands were clenched on top of his thigh. “I’ve never been.” He replied quietly it’s not like he was sad or upset about it. He just accepted it as fact as part of his life he couldn’t handle going into an overly crowded place without meeting trouble. He had tried once or twice before but, his senses were always overloaded in the parking lot of any fun establishment that he automatically turned them down once he was invited to it.

“I only see places like that on television or movie. I rarely read about them in books so it was nice seeing what people do in those establishments. He wasn’t envious or anything how could he be jealous over something he never had? Camping or field trips he has never been unless it Mom turned it into an environment he could handle. He liked camping out in the backyard of their old house his mom had snuggled up to him while his grandpa told him stores way past bedtime. Another time they had their own private drive through in the woods once with both his dad and his two mom plus grandpa so he didn’t miss out on anything in his book.

As the two talked some more and he was finally finished with his dinner so he could devour the desserts. It wasn’t long after that did they finally wrapped up the Sunday dinner that he was finally going home. He hugged his grandpa on his way out the door and Levi was standing by the car door he opens just for him before sliding inside with him once he was in.

His mom walked with Erwin who also did the same thing as Levi by opening the door for his mom and closing it before walking back around to get into the diver side. It was pretty lively on the way back and an hour later Levi walked him to the stairs just as he got up to a few steps Levi grabbed his wrist and had him turned lightly back to him. “Levi?”

Gently Levi took his hand and brought it to his lips. Lovingly his lips pressed against the brunet wrist and Levi brought his gaze up to meet his eyes before a soft smile lifted his lips as he held his palm against his chest so that his heart was thundering against the palm of his hand.

“Will you let me take you out after school tomorrow?”

Eren didn’t think it was possible but he could have sworn he felt light-headed at the intimate touch. Since when did this man have skin privileges with him? But, instead of pulling back his hand he relaxed at the fast beating of Levi’s heart. Was he nervous? He should be because Eren wasn’t a touchy feeling kind of guy unless you’re his mom. He sure was having a lot of firsts today that he was physically and mentally tired him out considerably. Since he was asking him out he should have turned him down because he doesn’t do well in crowded places. He couldn’t even go to the grocery store without wanting to claw his face from the sheer madness that crashes into him like a tidal way.

But, since he knows him then perhaps he wouldn’t be so cruel of taking him to a place that was overpopulated. He can barely handle school he might not do so well if it were larger than that. “I guess I can trust you... Where will we go?” He asked curious to see what he has up his sleeves.

  Levi happy smile could light up an entire football stadium if he truly wanted to because that’s how it feels when he was directing it towards him that Eren resisted the urge to shield his eyes... Levi once again raised his palm to his lips by giving the palm of his hand a tender kiss there before slowly releasing his tingling palm. He wouldn’t be surprised if Levi could feel how fast his vein was beating on the inside of his wrist. ‘I guess Levi isn’t the only one who's nervous.’

“It’s a surprise. I’m going to take up your whole afternoon and evening. So get a lot of rest okay? I wish you the sweetest dreams to help you rest.”

Eren blushed again there must be a record he was breaking by how many time he was blushing in one night. “Um, uh G-good night, Levi and uh I guess I’ll see you after school then.” When he turned to go back up the stairs he had to resist running up there and slamming the door to his room shut. The impulse was there but, running up the stairs with heels on was always a dangerous combination so he didn’t. When he shut the door he finally leaned back against it and cover his face. It felt hot even to his own skin which was saying something since his body and Mom always run higher than the average human.

“I’m really am weak to the same sex... Or maybe... I’m just weak against him?” He wasn’t sure but, when the heat finally died down from his cheeks did he strip he even turned up the heat in his room so he could sleep in the nude.

When he wakes up he’ll take a nice long hot shower and cook breakfast and make his own lunch. He was still too excited to go to sleep a guy no Levi really asked him out on a date... Who would have thought?

Slowing his heartbeat down he relaxed one limb at a time before putting himself under. By Five AM he was up and taking his fifteen-minute shower he was dressed in one of those said bodysuits it was a black long-sleeves chocker bodysuit and shimmering himself in a slender pair of jeans that were skin tight that show off his curves. A few dangling bracelets and fixed the thick chocker that was on his neck to cover up the mark that was around his neck he left his hair down. The only thing he did to it was add in some light curls at the bottom before doing his face.

Since he had dark bags under his eyes he had to do some serious concealing before matching up the right shade of foundation on his face. It was probably a good thing considering his Mom decided now was the time to barge in to wake him up. He would have rushed if it weren’t for the fact he could smell maple smoke wood bacon in the air and coffee. His two favorite combination that if he had been a cat he would be purring like crazy right about now.

“Awh you’re already up... I guess I won’t need this huh?” Armin asked sulkily as he held up a few things in his hands. “But, at least I beat you into making breakfast. I even took the liberty of preparing your lunch. It’s nothing fancy or anything but it’s a traditional bento that I made last night.” He said with a grin as he set aside the things he won’t be needing anymore.

If Eren didn’t know any better his mom had the same bouncy energy as he had as he finished with his eyeliner and mascara. He took the time to add smokey eyeshadow. 

He even chooses a dark shade of lipstick instead of his usual gloss when he turned around he was prepared for Armin to take a picture of him that he put on a smile.

“You simply look amazing, my darling.” Eren grinned even more at the compliment. “Thanks, Mom.” Armin came over to kiss his cheek softly so he wouldn’t mess up his lipstick. “Go eat I’ll be taking you to school. Just call or text me when you’re ready to be picked up.”

Eren nodded his head, “And by the way what did you mean by last night? You said you couldn’t tell me in mix company so what happened?” Eren tensed up he was kinda hoping that his mom would have forgotten about that. “Oh um, I may or may not have a....fiance...” Armin dropped his phone and pulled back to look at him, “What?”

Eren explained what happen last night without leaving any detail and by the time he was finished Armin looked like he was going to have a very great fall. “Mom?” Let’s just say it was an overly excited or very loud morning when Armin got over his shell shock news.

By the time Eren was dropped off to school and his Mom apologizing for what happened to yesterday to his so-called ‘friend’ his mom kissed him and sent him on his merry way. When he left he dropped his smile and looked down from meeting Leah or the twins gaze. He acted unreasonably to those three sure Marco and Marcus only had one body but, that didn’t stop him from seeing them as twins after he realized what was going on with them.

He made his way to them keeping his eyes firmly glued to his hands that were clasped in front of him. He has always apologized if he was in the wrong and he has clearly been in the wrong when they came over.

“I apologize for what I did... I didn’t mean to I just panicked and having so many people in my space... I just lost it and I’m sorry.” He slowly meets their gaze and winced when he saw he did injure them. “I’ll pay for any bills you have medical and electronic bills you have.” 

He waited patiently for the judgment to come it was one of the reasons he doesn’t want any friends. At least they weren’t dead the majority was either in a coma or the injury was so bad they forgot all about it. Unfortunately, those three weren’t that badly injured unless one counts for broken ribs as one.

He only flexed his power just a little to heal the damage he caused on their flesh and when he was done he bit his nails inside the palm of his hand to keep from showing the discomfort he was feeling. If he can get through this he can ignore school itself until 3:45 When school lets out.

[thepaintedbrain]

“Strait Is The Gate, Narrow Is The Way”

To the left of the door was a wall of shelves. A large plasma screen TV hung in the middle, which I always set to the indie music channel. There was a stainless steel sink that I didn’t use and it seemed like one of those weird design choices that no one used. The bathroom was small, with beige tiles lining a shower in which i sometimes slept, hiding behind a locked door. Often, during the night, the nurses would notice I wasn’t in my bed and was instead huddled on the floor of the shower. “Get back in your bed,” they admonished. Scared, I would creep outside and find refuge on the couch in the common room. I made my bed every morning, as a bonus to show the doctors that I was functional. The floor of the room was tiled cement, cold to the touch. Since we weren’t allowed shoes with laces or heels, we all walked around in sea-foam green hospital-issued socks with rubber on the bottom to keep from slipping. There was a large window in my room with a view of the buildings in Westwood. Sometimes I looked out the window at airplanes, predicting which ones would arrive at their destination without exploding. Happily, it was usually all of them. There was a plastic and vinyl armchair in a depressing shade of teal and pink plastic where I sometimes sat as I read the same New Yorker article, over and over, laughing at each snarky nuance. But one night, lying on the single bed in my private room in Four West, I could hear the Princeton Skull and Bones organizing upstairs.

I knew it was them because for one, the vent was directly over my bed so I could hear them and also, they let me know that they were getting ready. I lay in wait, trying to estimate what was going on. On my bed, staring at the vent in the ceiling, I could hear Web’s entire faction of Skull and Bones preparing. Clad in hooded brown robes neatly tied with black ropes, they surrounded the vent upstairs looking downward into my room. I couldn’t catch on to their legal system but clearly, a trial was taking shape and I was the one on trial. One by one, I heard marbles drop into my vent, a secret code for the brotherhood to keep track of my crimes.

And then it commenced. People from my past appeared in a circle, surrounding me. Slowly, more past friends gathered in a circle upstairs. Everyone was there, Mandy, Morgan, Scott, Steve, Marius, Katie, Shanah. My life was on the line. I lay awake listening to them argue my fate while Skull and Bones took note. Marius, the skater I had a crush on in high school, now a filmmaker, was impressed with my progress. I was doing great in Four West, I would be better in no time. But, I hadn’t wronged him. On the other hand, Marisa was livid. I had told someone of her father’s dying of AIDS without permission. “Who does that?” she hissed. And down came another marble. Skull and Bones stirred about the room above me, exchanging nods and glances. “Do you understand now, Tilly? Do you see?” I stirred on my bed. I was often plagued by my memories during the day. If my mind took a turn, I would cringe at a stupid thing I said, or a weird thing I did. But this memory had not been one of them. In fact, that was what made me feel this trial was so real. I wondered if it was something like the judgment people stand in when they die? Aren’t we supposed to stand trial before god and his angels? Is this a quick abbreviation of my otherworldly trial? I wasn’t sure what my fate would be, and so they continued. Marisa forgave me. And so we continued.

Ilya from elementary school appeared. How could I have told his new girlfriend about his father’s dying of AIDS before he broached it himself? “Sure you introduced us but you had no right to tell Erin about my dad.” And another marble dropped into the vent. Morgan came to my rescue, “Anyone would have done the same,” he said. Scott chimed in, “This isn’t her fault.” Ilya forgave me.

I couldn’t understand how they knew. I hadn’t thought about those trespasses, I never even understood that they had happened. And out of the blue Skull and Bones had me on trial for committing ethical crimes of consciousness? How did they know? Who told them? Mired in my past, I couldn’t understand how everyone but me seemed aware of my crimes. Usually, I am the one beating my breast. No one need remind me of mistakes, but obviously, I wasn’t the only one who suffered.

Years before my first breakdown, around the time of the millennium, I traveled to Europe, alone. I was psychotic, but no one knew it yet. The millennium was a special year for Catholics in Italy, It was time for the much anticipated Jubileum. Religious pilgrims flocked from around the globe to hear the Pope say mass. Also, this was a rare occasion when the doors to the holy sepulcher were opened and through which, if walked through, all sins would be forgiven. I entered through the immense door, staring up at an imposing room of marble and light, facing Bernini’s beyond compare. Transfixed, I was sure all my sins were forgiven in that moment. And Bernini, a god among men. If I made it this far, my life would only get better.

Then, Jennifer came up to bat. “You slapped me,” she said. “Remember? You found out I was sleeping with Manny and you slapped me. We were sitting on the lunch benches in our senior year at Pali High, and you knew I was dating him and you slapped me for sleeping with him.” “Manny made you smoke crack,” I countered. “He was a gangster in the 18th Street gang and he gave you drugs and you not only took them but you slept with him, too. I was trying to be a good friend. I was trying to wake you up.”

Years later, Jennifer would find me on Facebook. Saddened, I apologized profusely for the slap, for not being a good friend, for trying to mother her. And she, she didn’t remember the slap. She had no recollection of it. She, instead, remembered that I brought her into my home, gave her a safe place to sleep, invited her to all the parties I went to. She thanked me for being a good friend.

Sometimes, I feel like no one thinks of me as the kind of person to cause hurt. And, since they don’t think of me that way, they simply forget when it does happen. It’s like the time I walked around with a beer in Chicago. I passed a cop and he didn’t say a word. But I knew he wouldn’t. He simply didn’t think of me as someone who would break any laws. I’m a small woman, one to be trusted.

At the next point in the trial, Skull and Bones had gathered enough intel about me and were ready to close the proceedings. I would move on to the next level.

In a flash, I lay back in bed and an image of the room above flashed in a brilliant white light. This is death, surely, I thought. But it wasn’t. When I awoke, the trial was over and I wasn’t sure it ever happened.

Save for now, I could see people in green X-rays. President Obama, Phil’s mother, Susan, my grandmother and deceased aunt Ruth. There was another dimension, they assured me. “One in which we get to watch over you,” Susan said. My bedroom wasn’t safe. I could be raped there by another patient, by a male nurse. No one would know. I was terrified of sleeping there alone so I had a strategy worked out. First, I would sleep on the floor of my room, behind my bed so no one would see me. But if anyone figured it out, I would run to my bathroom, lock my door and huddle on the floor of the shower, fully clothed, in case I had to fight someone off or make a run for it. In the shower, I would tuck my knees in and try to fall asleep, unsuccessfully. Quickly, I would switch position to relieve my muscles. Then a nurse would come in and make me get out of the bathroom. I would get in bed and get out again when the nurse left my room. I headed for the hallway. There, in fluorescent green X-ray, Susan Davidson and Barak Obama assured me that I would be okay. They were watching over me. I huddled by the escape door that led to the other ward, Four East, a door that was locked and couldn’t open. Next, I headed for the common room sofa. Often my friend Nate was in the common room, gesticulating wildly and yelling loudly. I not so secretly thought he was acting that way on purpose because he wanted them to give him a shot of sedative to shut him up. He could have been dangerous. Sometimes, during the day Nate and I sat in the common room, eating ice cream and talking about Tori Amos. Nate was working on a Ph.D. in poetry at University of Michigan. When he got better, he decided to go back to school to complete his studies and disappear from my life, forever. I gave him a tiny hot pink origami crane to remember me by. I told him it would bring him good luck.

Three times a day we were let out to the big terrace for a break. It was a new modern terrace with tall glass walls overlooking the medical plaza from four stories up. At night we could see the romantic view of high rises down the street lighting up like a box of jewels. I could see all the way down to Wilshire, where I used to work, in another life. I looked down at the cars in the roundabout. Which ones are the ones that were there for me? I couldn’t tell. Web told me he’d watch over me and even visit me. But, I couldn’t see him and our communication was breaking down. He said he would show up for visiting hours, that I would know him when I see him, but he never did. I knew why. His family would never approve. I’m a big step down for them. Sure, I come from a good family, but they’re blue bloods, the beautiful educated. When I did see Web, he was wearing a grey hoodie and jeans, standing a devastating six foot three. There are some types of men I can’t say no to, and he was all of them in one. But on those breaks, we would connect and he reassured me we would be together soon. I would be discharged, I would rehabilitate, and he would come for me. “When you wear your cobalt blue silk pencil skirt and silken white top with your yellow and black Lanvin purse, I will come for you.” Our secret song was ‘Knife’ by Grizzly Bear. That’s when I would know he was there, and on cue, I would search the room for him.

Once, when my sister graduated college from Berkeley, the family traveled there to celebrate. Web followed me there. I would spend the better part of the day jogging, knowing everyone was watching me. Web’s white VW van followed me everywhere. He was so in love with me and all his friends were supportive. I would be the one. Then, the family headed to Camino for Ofri’s graduation dinner and we sat around the table. I, barely eating, couldn’t carry on a conversation with anyone. I was basically untreated and schizophrenic and I wasn’t on clozapine yet. We sat at the camino, sharing appetizers and then it happened. “Knife” by Grizzly Bear came on. But I, I couldn’t bring myself to look around. I didn’t lift my head, I didn’t turn to survey the crowd. I sat, mute, deaf and blind to everything around me.

Tilly Oren is a new Painted Brain contributor. This is her first appearance in Painted Brain News.

from “Strait Is The Gate, Narrow Is The Way”

#“Strait Is The Gate #Narrow Is The Way”

[thepaintedbrain]

To the left of the door was a wall of shelves. A large plasma screen TV hung in the middle, which I always set to the indie music channel. There was a stainless steel sink that I didn’t use and it seemed like one of those weird design choices that no one used. The bathroom was small, with beige tiles lining a shower in which i sometimes slept, hiding behind a locked door. Often, during the night, the nurses would notice I wasn’t in my bed and was instead huddled on the floor of the shower. “Get back in your bed,” they admonished. Scared, I would creep outside and find refuge on the couch in the common room. I made my bed every morning, as a bonus to show the doctors that I was functional. The floor of the room was tiled cement, cold to the touch. Since we weren’t allowed shoes with laces or heels, we all walked around in sea-foam green hospital-issued socks with rubber on the bottom to keep from slipping. There was a large window in my room with a view of the buildings in Westwood. Sometimes I looked out the window at airplanes, predicting which ones would arrive at their destination without exploding. Happily, it was usually all of them. There was a plastic and vinyl armchair in a depressing shade of teal and pink plastic where I sometimes sat as I read the same New Yorker article, over and over, laughing at each snarky nuance. But one night, lying on the single bed in my private room in Four West, I could hear the Princeton Skull and Bones organizing upstairs.

I knew it was them because for one, the vent was directly over my bed so I could hear them and also, they let me know that they were getting ready. I lay in wait, trying to estimate what was going on. On my bed, staring at the vent in the ceiling, I could hear Web’s entire faction of Skull and Bones preparing. Clad in hooded brown robes neatly tied with black ropes, they surrounded the vent upstairs looking downward into my room. I couldn’t catch on to their legal system but clearly, a trial was taking shape and I was the one on trial. One by one, I heard marbles drop into my vent, a secret code for the brotherhood to keep track of my crimes.

And then it commenced. People from my past appeared in a circle, surrounding me. Slowly, more past friends gathered in a circle upstairs. Everyone was there, Mandy, Morgan, Scott, Steve, Marius, Katie, Shanah. My life was on the line. I lay awake listening to them argue my fate while Skull and Bones took note. Marius, the skater I had a crush on in high school, now a filmmaker, was impressed with my progress. I was doing great in Four West, I would be better in no time. But, I hadn’t wronged him. On the other hand, Marisa was livid. I had told someone of her father’s dying of AIDS without permission. “Who does that?” she hissed. And down came another marble. Skull and Bones stirred about the room above me, exchanging nods and glances. “Do you understand now, Tilly? Do you see?” I stirred on my bed. I was often plagued by my memories during the day. If my mind took a turn, I would cringe at a stupid thing I said, or a weird thing I did. But this memory had not been one of them. In fact, that was what made me feel this trial was so real. I wondered if it was something like the judgment people stand in when they die? Aren’t we supposed to stand trial before god and his angels? Is this a quick abbreviation of my otherworldly trial? I wasn’t sure what my fate would be, and so they continued. Marisa forgave me. And so we continued.

Ilya from elementary school appeared. How could I have told his new girlfriend about his father’s dying of AIDS before he broached it himself? “Sure you introduced us but you had no right to tell Erin about my dad.” And another marble dropped into the vent. Morgan came to my rescue, “Anyone would have done the same,” he said. Scott chimed in, “This isn’t her fault.” Ilya forgave me.

I couldn’t understand how they knew. I hadn’t thought about those trespasses, I never even understood that they had happened. And out of the blue Skull and Bones had me on trial for committing ethical crimes of consciousness? How did they know? Who told them? Mired in my past, I couldn’t understand how everyone but me seemed aware of my crimes. Usually, I am the one beating my breast. No one need remind me of mistakes, but obviously, I wasn’t the only one who suffered.

Years before my first breakdown, around the time of the millennium, I traveled to Europe, alone. I was psychotic, but no one knew it yet. The millennium was a special year for Catholics in Italy, It was time for the much anticipated Jubileum. Religious pilgrims flocked from around the globe to hear the Pope say mass. Also, this was a rare occasion when the doors to the holy sepulcher were opened and through which, if walked through, all sins would be forgiven. I entered through the immense door, staring up at an imposing room of marble and light, facing Bernini’s beyond compare. Transfixed, I was sure all my sins were forgiven in that moment. And Bernini, a god among men. If I made it this far, my life would only get better.

Then, Jennifer came up to bat. “You slapped me,” she said. “Remember? You found out I was sleeping with Manny and you slapped me. We were sitting on the lunch benches in our senior year at Pali High, and you knew I was dating him and you slapped me for sleeping with him.” “Manny made you smoke crack,” I countered. “He was a gangster in the 18th Street gang and he gave you drugs and you not only took them but you slept with him, too. I was trying to be a good friend. I was trying to wake you up.”

Years later, Jennifer would find me on Facebook. Saddened, I apologized profusely for the slap, for not being a good friend, for trying to mother her. And she, she didn’t remember the slap. She had no recollection of it. She, instead, remembered that I brought her into my home, gave her a safe place to sleep, invited her to all the parties I went to. She thanked me for being a good friend.

Sometimes, I feel like no one thinks of me as the kind of person to cause hurt. And, since they don’t think of me that way, they simply forget when it does happen. It’s like the time I walked around with a beer in Chicago. I passed a cop and he didn’t say a word. But I knew he wouldn’t. He simply didn’t think of me as someone who would break any laws. I’m a small woman, one to be trusted.

At the next point in the trial, Skull and Bones had gathered enough intel about me and were ready to close the proceedings. I would move on to the next level.

In a flash, I lay back in bed and an image of the room above flashed in a brilliant white light. This is death, surely, I thought. But it wasn’t. When I awoke, the trial was over and I wasn’t sure it ever happened.

Save for now, I could see people in green X-rays. President Obama, Phil’s mother, Susan, my grandmother and deceased aunt Ruth. There was another dimension, they assured me. “One in which we get to watch over you,” Susan said. My bedroom wasn’t safe. I could be raped there by another patient, by a male nurse. No one would know. I was terrified of sleeping there alone so I had a strategy worked out. First, I would sleep on the floor of my room, behind my bed so no one would see me. But if anyone figured it out, I would run to my bathroom, lock my door and huddle on the floor of the shower, fully clothed, in case I had to fight someone off or make a run for it. In the shower, I would tuck my knees in and try to fall asleep, unsuccessfully. Quickly, I would switch position to relieve my muscles. Then a nurse would come in and make me get out of the bathroom. I would get in bed and get out again when the nurse left my room. I headed for the hallway. There, in fluorescent green X-ray, Susan Davidson and Barak Obama assured me that I would be okay. They were watching over me. I huddled by the escape door that led to the other ward, Four East, a door that was locked and couldn’t open. Next, I headed for the common room sofa. Often my friend Nate was in the common room, gesticulating wildly and yelling loudly. I not so secretly thought he was acting that way on purpose because he wanted them to give him a shot of sedative to shut him up. He could have been dangerous. Sometimes, during the day Nate and I sat in the common room, eating ice cream and talking about Tori Amos. Nate was working on a Ph.D. in poetry at University of Michigan. When he got better, he decided to go back to school to complete his studies and disappear from my life, forever. I gave him a tiny hot pink origami crane to remember me by. I told him it would bring him good luck.

Three times a day we were let out to the big terrace for a break. It was a new modern terrace with tall glass walls overlooking the medical plaza from four stories up. At night we could see the romantic view of high rises down the street lighting up like a box of jewels. I could see all the way down to Wilshire, where I used to work, in another life. I looked down at the cars in the roundabout. Which ones are the ones that were there for me? I couldn’t tell. Web told me he’d watch over me and even visit me. But, I couldn’t see him and our communication was breaking down. He said he would show up for visiting hours, that I would know him when I see him, but he never did. I knew why. His family would never approve. I’m a big step down for them. Sure, I come from a good family, but they’re blue bloods, the beautiful educated. When I did see Web, he was wearing a grey hoodie and jeans, standing a devastating six foot three. There are some types of men I can’t say no to, and he was all of them in one. But on those breaks, we would connect and he reassured me we would be together soon. I would be discharged, I would rehabilitate, and he would come for me. “When you wear your cobalt blue silk pencil skirt and silken white top with your yellow and black Lanvin purse, I will come for you.” Our secret song was ‘Knife’ by Grizzly Bear. That’s when I would know he was there, and on cue, I would search the room for him.

Once, when my sister graduated college from Berkeley, the family traveled there to celebrate. Web followed me there. I would spend the better part of the day jogging, knowing everyone was watching me. Web’s white VW van followed me everywhere. He was so in love with me and all his friends were supportive. I would be the one. Then, the family headed to Camino for Ofri’s graduation dinner and we sat around the table. I, barely eating, couldn’t carry on a conversation with anyone. I was basically untreated and schizophrenic and I wasn’t on clozapine yet. We sat at the camino, sharing appetizers and then it happened. “Knife” by Grizzly Bear came on. But I, I couldn’t bring myself to look around. I didn’t lift my head, I didn’t turn to survey the crowd. I sat, mute, deaf and blind to everything around me.

Tilly Oren is a new Painted Brain contributor. This is her first appearance in Painted Brain News.

http://ift.tt/eA8V8J

#IFTTT #WordPress

[thepaintedbrain]

To the left of the door was a wall of shelves. A large plasma screen TV hung in the middle, which I always set to the indie music channel. There was a stainless steel sink that I didn’t use and it seemed like one of those weird design choices that no one used. The bathroom was small, with beige tiles lining a shower in which i sometimes slept, hiding behind a locked door. Often, during the night, the nurses would notice I wasn’t in my bed and was instead huddled on the floor of the shower. “Get back in your bed,” they admonished. Scared, I would creep outside and find refuge on the couch in the common room. I made my bed every morning, as a bonus to show the doctors that I was functional. The floor of the room was tiled cement, cold to the touch. Since we weren’t allowed shoes with laces or heels, we all walked around in sea-foam green hospital-issued socks with rubber on the bottom to keep from slipping. There was a large window in my room with a view of the buildings in Westwood. Sometimes I looked out the window at airplanes, predicting which ones would arrive at their destination without exploding. Happily, it was usually all of them. There was a plastic and vinyl armchair in a depressing shade of teal and pink plastic where I sometimes sat as I read the same New Yorker article, over and over, laughing at each snarky nuance. But one night, lying on the single bed in my private room in Four West, I could hear the Princeton Skull and Bones organizing upstairs.

I knew it was them because for one, the vent was directly over my bed so I could hear them and also, they let me know that they were getting ready. I lay in wait, trying to estimate what was going on. On my bed, staring at the vent in the ceiling, I could hear Web’s entire faction of Skull and Bones preparing. Clad in hooded brown robes neatly tied with black ropes, they surrounded the vent upstairs looking downward into my room. I couldn’t catch on to their legal system but clearly, a trial was taking shape and I was the one on trial. One by one, I heard marbles drop into my vent, a secret code for the brotherhood to keep track of my crimes.

And then it commenced. People from my past appeared in a circle, surrounding me. Slowly, more past friends gathered in a circle upstairs. Everyone was there, Mandy, Morgan, Scott, Steve, Marius, Katie, Shanah. My life was on the line. I lay awake listening to them argue my fate while Skull and Bones took note. Marius, the skater I had a crush on in high school, now a filmmaker, was impressed with my progress. I was doing great in Four West, I would be better in no time. But, I hadn’t wronged him. On the other hand, Marisa was livid. I had told someone of her father’s dying of AIDS without permission. “Who does that?” she hissed. And down came another marble. Skull and Bones stirred about the room above me, exchanging nods and glances. “Do you understand now, Tilly? Do you see?” I stirred on my bed. I was often plagued by my memories during the day. If my mind took a turn, I would cringe at a stupid thing I said, or a weird thing I did. But this memory had not been one of them. In fact, that was what made me feel this trial was so real. I wondered if it was something like the judgment people stand in when they die? Aren’t we supposed to stand trial before god and his angels? Is this a quick abbreviation of my otherworldly trial? I wasn’t sure what my fate would be, and so they continued. Marisa forgave me. And so we continued.

Ilya from elementary school appeared. How could I have told his new girlfriend about his father’s dying of AIDS before he broached it himself? “Sure you introduced us but you had no right to tell Erin about my dad.” And another marble dropped into the vent. Morgan came to my rescue, “Anyone would have done the same,” he said. Scott chimed in, “This isn’t her fault.” Ilya forgave me.

I couldn’t understand how they knew. I hadn’t thought about those trespasses, I never even understood that they had happened. And out of the blue Skull and Bones had me on trial for committing ethical crimes of consciousness? How did they know? Who told them? Mired in my past, I couldn’t understand how everyone but me seemed aware of my crimes. Usually, I am the one beating my breast. No one need remind me of mistakes, but obviously, I wasn’t the only one who suffered.

Years before my first breakdown, around the time of the millennium, I traveled to Europe, alone. I was psychotic, but no one knew it yet. The millennium was a special year for Catholics in Italy, It was time for the much anticipated Jubileum. Religious pilgrims flocked from around the globe to hear the Pope say mass. Also, this was a rare occasion when the doors to the holy sepulcher were opened and through which, if walked through, all sins would be forgiven. I entered through the immense door, staring up at an imposing room of marble and light, facing Bernini’s beyond compare. Transfixed, I was sure all my sins were forgiven in that moment. And Bernini, a god among men. If I made it this far, my life would only get better.

Then, Jennifer came up to bat. “You slapped me,” she said. “Remember? You found out I was sleeping with Manny and you slapped me. We were sitting on the lunch benches in our senior year at Pali High, and you knew I was dating him and you slapped me for sleeping with him.” “Manny made you smoke crack,” I countered. “He was a gangster in the 18th Street gang and he gave you drugs and you not only took them but you slept with him, too. I was trying to be a good friend. I was trying to wake you up.”

Years later, Jennifer would find me on Facebook. Saddened, I apologized profusely for the slap, for not being a good friend, for trying to mother her. And she, she didn’t remember the slap. She had no recollection of it. She, instead, remembered that I brought her into my home, gave her a safe place to sleep, invited her to all the parties I went to. She thanked me for being a good friend.

Sometimes, I feel like no one thinks of me as the kind of person to cause hurt. And, since they don’t think of me that way, they simply forget when it does happen. It’s like the time I walked around with a beer in Chicago. I passed a cop and he didn’t say a word. But I knew he wouldn’t. He simply didn’t think of me as someone who would break any laws. I’m a small woman, one to be trusted.

At the next point in the trial, Skull and Bones had gathered enough intel about me and were ready to close the proceedings. I would move on to the next level.

In a flash, I lay back in bed and an image of the room above flashed in a brilliant white light. This is death, surely, I thought. But it wasn’t. When I awoke, the trial was over and I wasn’t sure it ever happened.

Save for now, I could see people in green X-rays. President Obama, Phil’s mother, Susan, my grandmother and deceased aunt Ruth. There was another dimension, they assured me. “One in which we get to watch over you,” Susan said. My bedroom wasn’t safe. I could be raped there by another patient, by a male nurse. No one would know. I was terrified of sleeping there alone so I had a strategy worked out. First, I would sleep on the floor of my room, behind my bed so no one would see me. But if anyone figured it out, I would run to my bathroom, lock my door and huddle on the floor of the shower, fully clothed, in case I had to fight someone off or make a run for it. In the shower, I would tuck my knees in and try to fall asleep, unsuccessfully. Quickly, I would switch position to relieve my muscles. Then a nurse would come in and make me get out of the bathroom. I would get in bed and get out again when the nurse left my room. I headed for the hallway. There, in fluorescent green X-ray, Susan Davidson and Barak Obama assured me that I would be okay. They were watching over me. I huddled by the escape door that led to the other ward, Four East, a door that was locked and couldn’t open. Next, I headed for the common room sofa. Often my friend Nate was in the common room, gesticulating wildly and yelling loudly. I not so secretly thought he was acting that way on purpose because he wanted them to give him a shot of sedative to shut him up. He could have been dangerous. Sometimes, during the day Nate and I sat in the common room, eating ice cream and talking about Tori Amos. Nate was working on a Ph.D. in poetry at University of Michigan. When he got better, he decided to go back to school to complete his studies and disappear from my life, forever. I gave him a tiny hot pink origami crane to remember me by. I told him it would bring him good luck.

Three times a day we were let out to the big terrace for a break. It was a new modern terrace with tall glass walls overlooking the medical plaza from four stories up. At night we could see the romantic view of high rises down the street lighting up like a box of jewels. I could see all the way down to Wilshire, where I used to work, in another life. I looked down at the cars in the roundabout. Which ones are the ones that were there for me? I couldn’t tell. Web told me he’d watch over me and even visit me. But, I couldn’t see him and our communication was breaking down. He said he would show up for visiting hours, that I would know him when I see him, but he never did. I knew why. His family would never approve. I’m a big step down for them. Sure, I come from a good family, but they’re blue bloods, the beautiful educated. When I did see Web, he was wearing a grey hoodie and jeans, standing a devastating six foot three. There are some types of men I can’t say no to, and he was all of them in one. But on those breaks, we would connect and he reassured me we would be together soon. I would be discharged, I would rehabilitate, and he would come for me. “When you wear your cobalt blue silk pencil skirt and silken white top with your yellow and black Lanvin purse, I will come for you.” Our secret song was ‘Knife’ by Grizzly Bear. That’s when I would know he was there, and on cue, I would search the room for him.

Once, when my sister graduated college from Berkeley, the family traveled there to celebrate. Web followed me there. I would spend the better part of the day jogging, knowing everyone was watching me. Web’s white VW van followed me everywhere. He was so in love with me and all his friends were supportive. I would be the one. Then, the family headed to Camino for Ofri’s graduation dinner and we sat around the table. I, barely eating, couldn’t carry on a conversation with anyone. I was basically untreated and schizophrenic and I wasn’t on clozapine yet. We sat at the camino, sharing appetizers and then it happened. “Knife” by Grizzly Bear came on. But I, I couldn’t bring myself to look around. I didn’t lift my head, I didn’t turn to survey the crowd. I sat, mute, deaf and blind to everything around me.

Tilly Oren is a new Painted Brain contributor. This is her first appearance in Painted Brain News.

#IFTTT #WordPress