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gashinabts · 3 years

Text

peculiar taste| (m)

Words: 2.8k

Pairing: Taehyung x Reader

Genre: Smut, Fluff, pwp

Summary: Unknowingly, you find out that your feet pics are roaming around twitter just to find out that your room mate runs the page.

Warnings: FOOT STUFF, foot job ( idk if thats a thing), foot fetish

a/n: There’s a lot of foot stuff so if that makes you uncomfortable then don’t read it. Btw if there’s other weird kinks/fetishes that you think a member would like just comment or message me.

Twitter is a scary place, you never had it until your friend from work told you to download it because there’s funny memes. So when you downloaded it you were not surprised that there were weird foot pictures. See you were not one to shame someone who has weird fetishes but this was different. Oddly enough the picture had the same pedicure as you and the same tattoo on your ankle. Deciding to go on the page you notice there were pictures of your feet, the black heels you owned were there too.

Is someone spying on you? There is a sudden noise from the kitchen and you jolt in fear, holding the phone close to you as you walk towards the noise. The fear disappears when you see your roommate slash friend Taehyung eating pickles from the jar. “ Hey, wanna go to the park? We can have a little picnic,” Taehyung munches the last part before putting it back in the fridge. “ What’s wrong?” He notices your worried face.

Shaking your head, not sure if you should tell him your worries. Taehyung would probably freak out more than you, he’ll probably call the FBI to install high tech cameras around the apartment. “ Nothing,” you smile. “ I’m down but I’m making the food. Last time you just packed onions and capri suns,” you move him aside to pull out bread to make sandwiches.

He gives you his signature boxy smile, “ Sorry you don’t have an acquired taste,” he shrugs.

---

When you guys get back from the park you immediately lay in your bed tired from all the running that Taehyung made you do. It was supposed to be a relaxing picnic, however Taehyung forced you to play tag with the children in the park. When you first met Taehyung you thought he was a quiet and stuck up person because of his emotionless face whenever he was sitting with people. But that all changed when you got to know him better, he was just a funny and weird person but in a good way. Needless to say you don’t ever want him to move out because he is just a fun person to have around.

The ping rings loudly on your phone, you get a message from your mom. You quickly text her back and then go on twitter to the foot fetish page to inspect it more. Maybe DM the person to see where they get these pics. Your eyes widen when you see a new picture that was uploaded a few minutes ago, your feet in your sandals that you just bought last week. Along with the picnic blanket that you use when you go to the park with Taehyung.

Jumping out of your bed you run to Taehyung’s room to demand answers from him, but he is currently playing Uno by himself. “ I’m trying to practice so I can win next time we play with Jungkook and Namjoon,” he places the green card down.

“ It’s Uno. The easiest game in the world, it was literally made for children,” you groan in frustration. Taehyung shrugs then goes back to his game and places the reverse card to the pile. “ That’s why I’m not here,” you shake your head. “ Why are my feet on a fetish page on twitter?”

His sharp eyes widen, you can’t tell if it’s due to shock or confusion. The brows are covered from his wavy black hair, lips parted in an ‘oh’ shape. “ Okay, don’t get mad. I have been posting you foot pics in exchange for money,” he puts his hands up when you throw his pillow at him.

“ Taehyung! I can’t believe you,” you sigh. You became a renowned foot fetish star without any acknowledgment. What if people start to recognize you on the streets? Now you can never wear sandals.

“ I should’ve told you but I knew you were going to be against it,” Taehyung gets, ignoring the Uno cards and going up to you. His large hands come together holding them in front. “ If you want to take me to the police I understand. But make sure you feed the racoon that’s been secretly hiding in the garden shed,” he gives his puppy eyes. You can’t ever get mad at Taehyung, no matter what. It’s like he has this power that doesn’t make anyone upset.

Sighing, you gently push his hands down to his sides, “ I’m not turning you in,” you say. His remorse features immediately vanish, now becoming gleeful, as he engulfs you in a bear hug. If he’s getting paid you wonder how much he is making off of your feet. “ So how much money have you made so far?” The bed sinks as you sit down on it.

Taehyung's finger scratches his head, trying to remember how much the thirsty people on Twitter paid. “ Hmm, like a couple hundred. I’m saving the money so we can get a new tv.”

The TV you guys had was found by Taehyung who was riding his bike around the neighborhood. An old man was giving it out and Taehyung called you excitedly asking you to bring your car so you can bring it back home. Upon your arrival you see an old blocky Sony tv that doesn’t even have an HDMI port. Taehyung convinced you that it was vintage and it would match the interior design of the apartment. “ Do people actually like that stuff ?” You ask while looking at your feet. What a weird thing to fetishize you think to yourself.

Taehyung's hair floofs as he jumps back on the bed grabbing his phone that’s beside you. “ Yes. A lot of people,” he quickly unlocks his phone. “ Look, this man was willing to pay sixty dollars for you to have a foot massage,” you look at the DM. “ There’s also other requests. Like you wearing heels, stockings, and other weird things,” he shrugs putting his phone away.

People pay money for this, and you guys do need some money. It wouldn’t hurt to have a little extra cash for stuff. No one is ever gonna find out that it’s your feet. “ Let’s keep doing it,” you look at Taehyung, whose eyes widen at your words.

“ Really?” Taehyung asked in a serious tone. Wanting to make sure that you actually want to do it not because of his stupid mistake.

“ Yeah, it would be nice to have extra cash,” you nod your head.

----

“ This feels really weird,” you flinch at the stickiness of the honey pouring on your feet. Taehyung makes a hand motion for you to keep pouring it as he films it on his phone. Your face is not in view so no one can see the weird faces you're making as the stickiness goes in between your toes. Just another weird request from a person. This guy is paying sixty dollars for this, so who cares that you are pouring honey on your feet.

Taehyung nods and gives the okay sign, ending the video. “ I feel bad that the bees are dying and we are wasting their precious honey on your feet,” he pouts before leaving to retrieve a wet towel. He tosses it to you so you can wipe the honey off before walking on the floor.

The wet towel doesn’t help much so you decide to wash it. “ Yeah, we should visit the bee sanctuary to give our condolences,” you joke as you run to the bathtub to wash your feet with soap.

“ That would be nice,” Taehyung smiles watching you wash your feet. He hears you laugh, “ Oh you were kidding,” he laughs along with you. The phone pings and he grabs it from his back pocket, looking at the DM’s. ***800 dollar request *** Taehyung reads loudly, eyes widening at the words. He reads the request to himself, heart beating fast because this is actually a sexual request. Also because this is the most someone is willing to spend on a video. For the past month it's only been under the hundreds that people spent on your feet.

Your voice startles him, “ What are they asking for you?” Turning off the faucet you give your undivided attention to him.

Taehyung gulps then scratches the back of his neck, “ Uh- he wants you to use your feet to fondle someone’s dick,” he coughs at the end. There’s a silence that washes over you guys. “ Yeah, I can just decline-”

“ Would I be fondling you?,” you ask. Taehyung tucks his phone back in his pocket then sits next to you.

Taehyung puts his hand on your shoulder, his eyes are looking at you seriously. “ We don't have to do this.”

It’s 800 hundred dollars that you guys would be missing out on.“ I want to do it. Our faces won’t be showing, right?” You really don’t mind just as long as Taehyung is comfortable doing it with you.

Taehyung exhales, nodding his head, “ Yeah no faces.” His heart beats faster as he looks at your feet.

***

“ Let me wash my feet one more time,” you go get up to use the bathroom one more time. Taehyung tugs you back down the bed.

“ You already did it twice before you came to my room,” he lets out a chuckle. “ Don’t be nervous,” he sits on his chair. He grabs your foot gently placing it on his thigh. Large hands rubbing your ankle to calm you down. “ I’ll give you a foot massage and we’ll go from there,” he says softly. There’s a different mood between the two of you. It’s not like the usual playful mood that you guys have. It's heavier, if that makes sense.

Nodding your head, his big hands rub your feet. Rolling out any tension on the center of your foot, you sigh not used to this kind of attention in that area. His hands are like magic making all the stress on your foot disappear. At one point you close your eyes in relaxation feeling your body get lighter. Immediately your eyes open when you feel lips kissing your ankle, his soft lips leave a few more kisses as your eyes meet his dark eyes. Looking down you see a hard on “ Taehyung,” you whisper. He puts your foot back on his thigh, “ Should I start recording?,” you ask. Your hands shake, bringing his phone into your hands.

Taehyung lets out a quiet hum, indicating for you to do so. You hold the phone tightly, pressing the record button. Last night you did some research looking at feet groping and you feel kind of confident. Hopefully, you don’t embarrass yourself or make Taehyung immediately walk out of the room. Your right foot teasingly goes up and down his thigh, looking carefully at Taehyung’s reaction. He lets out a groan when you get close to his bulge but goes to the other thigh doing the same action as before.

“ Baby please,” Taehyung's voice is hoarse. The pet name surprises you in a good way but you quickly remind yourself that he is only calling you that so your name won’t be exposed. His hand goes to your leg, running his fingers against your calf. Listening to his request you trail your foot to his bulge, lightly brushing the tip of your toes. He lets out a breathy exhale, looking down at your foot taunting him.

You never thought you’d be into this, maybe it is the position. There’s some kind of power you hold as you get to dictate whether you should make him feel pleasure by the pressure of your foot. The way Taehyung’s breath quickens when you apply more pressure, his eyes giving you a sultry look. Your foot applies more pressure, toes spreading feeling the outline of his bulge. Doing slow circles, trying to feel more of him. His hand tightens on your leg, “ Fuck, right there,” Taehyung closes his eyes for a quick second. The hardness of his cock turns you on, you feel the thickness of it beneath your foot and you know he probably has a big cock.

“ Does my foot feel good, baby?” You condescendly ask. His eyes look into yours surprise of your tone and question. His jaw clenching, looking hot and bothered, a new look that you want to store in your memory. “ Look at you getting turned on just by my foot,” you tsk in disappointment. Applying more pressure you arch your eyebrow still expecting an answer from him.

Taehyung hisses in pleasure, “ Yeah, your foot feels good,” he tosses his head when you rub your foot harder up and down his clothed cock. “ It feels to fucking good,” he whispers more to himself.

“ Take your cock for me baby,” you command him. Taehyung gives you a face of relief immediately taking his cock out of his pants and briefs. And you were right about his cock being thick and big. Now you just want to feel it in your hands and your mouth, actually everywhere. The precum is leaking, begging to be touched. The heel of your foot meets his hard cock, and he flinches but then immediately going back to your touch. “ Spit on it,” you look down, indicating Taehyung to spit on his cock.

He groans loud at your assertion, not used to this. Taehyung never sees this side of you, having a higher authority. You're usually compliant and listen to whatever he wants to do. He follows your words, spitting on his cock, as he watches your two feet come together cupping the thickness of his cock. Jerking him up and down.“ Shit shit,” he curses at himself for wanting to come right now.

“ It’s not even my pussy and you're already a moaning mess,” you chuckle to yourself. His eyes are downcast to the slow movement of your feet. The small breathy moans are getting louder, and you love the sound of it.

If your feet are this good he can’t imagine what your pussy would feel like. He wants to desperately ask if he can fuck it later but he puts his thoughts away trying not to moan your name loudly. The movements get faster and he thinks this is the fastest time he has ever come. “ I’m going to come baby. Can I come please?” He looks up at your face, and notices a dark gaze, and he wants to kiss the evil smirk off your face.

You wouldn’t be surprised if you creamed your pants right now at the sight of his begging and climaxing. “ Mmm, so soon?” You teasingly ask. Taehyung shamelessly nods, his hands clenching at nothing. “ Come all over my feet dirty boy,” your eyes watch carefully at his pretty bottom lip getting bitten by his teeth.

Before you know it Taehyung is tossing his head back, “ Fuck,” he lets out a loud drawl. His head Adam apple is bobbing and his pretty collar bones are getting more exposed. White spurts all over your feet and you keep fondling him until he holds your ankle in place. He finally looks down at the mess he made, surprised at how much he come.

You stop recording, placing the phone down the bed. There’s a towel next to you, you pull your feet towards you wiping the come off your feet. “ Can you kiss me?” Your head snaps to Taehyung’s question. His eyes don’t have the same lustful gaze but some hint of fondness.

Nodding your head, you are about to kiss him until you realize that you ate sushi about an hour ago. Fearing that he probably can taste it from your mouth you pull back shaking your head. “ Let me brush my teeth real quick,” you try to walk to the bathroom. Until Taehyung laughs brightly pulling you back and pecking your lips softly.

The kiss makes you swoon and want to kiss him more but he pulls away too soon. “ Why did you want to kiss me?” You ask him not wanting to get your hopes high. But your heart is already beating hard because it’s Taehyung who kissed you.

“ I like you,” Taehyung shrugs nonchalantly. “ Why did you agree to kiss me?” He asks you while holding your hand.

“ I like you,” you do the same gesture as him. Taehyung smiles and leans towards your lips and you clothes your eyes expecting a kiss until you feel him push you back. Opening your eyes you see him pull his shirt over his head, and you're surprised to his slightly defined chest and v line.

“ Even when I annoy you and cause nothing but trouble for you?” Taehyung looks down at you biting his bottom lip, a nervous tick he has.

You smile bringing his large hand down, pecking it lightly, “ That’s the best part though,” then pulling him down to kiss him.

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allthephils · 5 years

Text

Smart Casual

Word count: 2362 Rated E (smut)

This was written for @phandomficfests bingo for my chastity device square. I might have taken some liberties with the prompt. This is very much porn without plot.

Summary: Phil’s zipper is stuck.

Read on AO3

Shopping is best done in one’s pajamas. That’s always been Phil’s way. Lounging on the sofa is fine but he prefers to be tucked into bed with a hot cup of cocoa or maybe a glass of wine, and with Dan sitting next to him. A shirtless Dan, rambling on about whatever Subreddit or wiki page he’s landed on, is motivating. He wants to look good for himself but he also wants to elicit a very specific response from Dan. He’s always got heart eyes, even ten years later, the fans really are spot on about that. But there’s another look, a look that he does occasionally let slip on camera but is usually reserved for just the two of them. It’s a certain glimmer to his eyes, a parting of the lips, a subtle drop in the tone of his voice.

To be honest, he can see it anytime he wants. All he has to do is run his fingers through Dan’s hair, kiss his neck, whisper in his ear, guess what I’m thinking, Danny. Catching Dan off guard though, seeing that look in public or in the middle of the day, knowing Dan has to hold back, that is the ultimate victory. So, along with rainbow hoodies, and Pokémon t-shirts, he’ll shop for jumpers that hug his broad shoulders though he’d usually prefer them oversized. He’ll search specifically for black knit that’s soft but not too chunky so they don’t hide the subtle contours of Phil’s chest. He’ll angle the screen toward Dan for approval and wait for a grunt or a shrug or a hum. The hum comes when Dan’s paying attention, when he sees something he’d like to see on Phil.

This time it’s not a jumper. Phil’s trying to break out of his black jeans rut and Topman has nice skinny grey plaid trousers. It’s like old Phil meets new Phil and he thinks he could maybe pull these off. They are way more fashion forward than he’d usually choose so he runs them by Dan and it happens. The hum.

“Yes. Those are a yes. Those are cool.”

“Really?” Phil says, clicking through the images, trying to ignore the model’s ass in favor of looking at the actual trousers. “You think they’ll suit me?”

“Absolutely.” He raises his chin to emphasize the next phrase he speaks, “Dat ass is going to look so fine in those.”

“I don’t know, they’re kinda smart for everyday.”

“Let that thicc booty shine Phil. It deserves to be showcased.” He’s back to reading about volcanos or nihilism or whatever.

“Okay, I’m gonna get ‘em.” And so he clicks and they’re on their way.

When the package arrives, it could be anything. It’s from Topman but that doesn’t exactly narrow it down. This is a big part of why Phil shops online. He loves getting packages, it’s like having lots of tiny little Christmases. Dan’s gaming but he watches from the corner of his eye as Phil works to free the box from it’s tape. After several minutes, Dan silently pauses his game, stands and heads to the kitchen. He returns with a pair of scissors, takes the box, cuts the tape, hands the box back to Phil, and sits back down to resume his gameplay.

“Ooh, it’s the plaid ones!” Phil laughs a little, “oh my god, what was I thinking?”

The game pauses again. “Let me see.” Dan turns to look at Phil as he stands and holds the trousers up.

“I’m gonna return them, they’re ridiculous.”

“What are you talking about?” Dan reaches over to feel the fabric.

“I’m gonna look like George McFly.”

“George McFly was low key hot. Try them on. Please? For me.”

***

“Hello gorgeous!” Dan sounds awestruck, dramatically stretching every syllable for emphasis. “You styled yourself. Well done, Phil.”

“I do have some sense of style, Dan.”

He wears a black jumper only because it's the one top he has that is solid black. He chose white low top trainers and no show socks channeling Dan’s ankle exhibitionism. He won’t admit that this style is really just him copying what looks good on Dan. This really isn’t him. He’d never wear this out and he still plans on returning the trousers. He did buy them to get a reaction though so he might as well parade around a little, give Dan a little taste of what it might be like to have a boyfriend who stays up to date with fashion.

“Yes Phil, show me those sexy ass ankles!”

Phil laughs, “Ass ankles? Okay Dan.”

“No really, this is the perfect amount of skin for fall, you’re ankles are hot.”

“Your so Victorian Dan, one glimpse of ankle and your all flustered.”

“Oh,” Dan gets up off the sofa and stands, hands on his hips. He looks Phil slowly up and down. “It’s not just the ankles.”

And Phil knows that’s true. He looked in the mirror before he came out to the lounge. The trousers are tighter than any he’d ever wear of his own volition. He feels a little trapped, squeezed into them. In any other setting, he’d be yanking the hem of his jumper down, trying to cover his pornographic bulge. It’s so embarrassing, walking around, looking like you stuffed a sock down your crotch. There’s really no hiding in these, he’s pretty sure you could make out the exact outline of his dick if you looked closely, and Dan is looking. Intently.

“Oi,” Phil says, “my eyes are up here.”

Dan clears his throat, feigning embarrassment, and rattles his head as if to snap out of a trance. Phil giggles. This is fun, totally worth the £65 and the short time spent totally constricted.

“Give us a twirl then.”

Phil does his best fashion model twirl but Dan just swivels his finger in the air as if to say keep spinning. By the third spin, Phil is dizzy and giggling, “Dan! I’m gonna fall over!”

“Aaaaaaaaand stop!” Dan shouts and Phil freezes in place, facing away from Dan. “That’s the pose I was looking for. Yum.”

Leaning forward a bit, Phil wiggles his arse. Just as he’s about to laugh and turn around, putting an end to the joke, he feels Dan’s hands, both of them. They settle on his hips as Dan steps forward, pulling Phil close until there is no space between them.

Warm breath moves over the little hairs on the back of Phil’s neck and they stand on end. Dan’s left hand slides past his hip, finding his tightly wrapped bulge. There’s a long, slow exhale in Phil’s ear. “I really like these trousers, Phil.”

He’s squeezing him through the thin fabric and it feels way better than it should. It’s just those big hands and Dan’s soft, seductive voice. It’s the way he’d looked at him, the way he’d played. Phil knows he’s still playing. In a minute, he’ll step away, laughing and making fun of Phil for going quiet, for getting just the tiniest bit hard. You’re so easy Phil.

“No making me hard in these trousers, little Phil is suffocating.”

Dan doesn’t laugh. “Just returning the favor.” The unmistakable line of Dan’s hardening cock presses against Phil’s ass and he pushes back into that delicious feeling.

“Oh, you do like them.” He’s trying to sound nonchalant but Dan is squeezing and stroking and grinding and Phil is definitely hard now. He’s slipping into caveman mode. Clinging to the last of his resolve, he clears his throat. “Hold that thought. Let me get out of these.”

“No way, that’s my job.” Dan fumbles for the zipper pull and tugs but nothing happens.

“Unzip them, Dan, it actually hurts a little.”

“I’m trying. It’s stuck.”

“What?!”

“The zipper’s stuck. It won’t pull down.”

Phil swats his hand away and tries but it will not budge. He turns to face Dan. “When did you take your shirt off? And your joggers?”

“I was getting sweaty.” Dan says, stepping back to steal another look at Phil.. “And I love being naked with you fully clothed, it’s hot.”

It is hot. All sorts of filthy things run through Phil’s mind, right alongside the thought that he’s about to lose a vital organ to asphyxiation.

“Dan, you look fucking edible but if I don’t get these off soon, I’m gonna cry.”

“Okay, okay. I got it.” Dan drops to his knees. This does not help the situation. He tugs and tugs to no avail, then leans forward and grabs the pull with his teeth.

“Are you kidding me, Dan?”

“It’s worth a try!” Dan’s voice is pitched up but then his cheek brushes the straining zipper and they both let out a groan. He does it again, properly nuzzling Phil’s poor captive cock and letting his hand resume it’s exploration.

Phil’s looking down at Dan’s brown eyes through those stupid sexy lashes when he starts kissing down the length of him.

“Dan, stop.” Phil says, deep and breathy.

He slides his mouth back up and the fabric is wet with spit. He pauses. “You want me to stop?”

There’s barely a beat before Phil says, “No. No don’t stop.”

Phil is gripping Dan’s hair and Dan is gripping Phil’s ass, pulling him impossibly close so he can wrap his lips around the head as much as he’s able. He sucks, determined to feel the shape of Phil despite two layers of fabric.

There’s a gasp and Phil’s northern growl comes on strong, “Fuck. Get up here, Dan.”

No sooner are they face to face then their lips crash into one other. It’s wet and eager, all tongue and teeth and frantic breaths. Phil’s fingers dig into the flesh of Dan’s ass, holding him against Phil’s grinding pelvis. His cock pushes at the zipper like a caged animal, like it could actually break free of its cloth prison, hulk style.

“Ow, ow, ow,” Phil says, moving his mouth over Dan neck. It hurts and not in a good way but the need for release is intense and that somehow translates as pleasure. Plus, he’s got Dan, naked and writhing like it’s all brand new, and that is unspeakably hot. He can feel that pretty cock of his trapped between them, working against his own and the thought of Dan’s nipples rubbing the soft, nubby knit of his jumper, it’s too much. He bites down on Dan’s neck, hard.

“Ah. Ahah. Fuck.” Dan sounds wrecked. He turns to face away from Phil and pushes his ass into him, moving against his cock with quick little bounces. Phil is dizzy from the visual and he scratches down Dan’s back in a show of appreciation. Dan hisses just before he practically cries out, “pull my hair!”

Phil can’t help but grin at the request made in Dan’s high pitched, totally gone sex voice. He pushes both hands into Dan’s hair and grabs handfuls. He gasps, his head pulled sharply back. Over his shoulder, Phil can see Dan’s flushed cock bouncing. It’s the cutest fucking cock and it looks so good waving around like that. He needs to touch it, he needs just a little more.

Phil walks them both forward and pushes Dan till he’s bent over, hands on the back of the sofa, knees pushing into the edge of the cushions. He lifts his hand to Dan’s mouth and he licks without hesitation. Phil can reach around now and take Dan in hand, stroking loosely once or twice before setting in to jack him off properly. He’s humping frantically, sliding the hard ridge of his dick between Dan’s ass cheeks, moving like some dog in heat. The thick sound of heavy breathing and wet jacking is soon interrupted by Phil’s uncharacteristic string of expletives.

“Fuck, ow, ow, fuck, fuck, ow, ah, aaaah, fuck.” With one last high pitched moan, he cums, hot and wet, right into his brand new plaid trousers. Dan’s still fucking into Phil’s hand so he reaches his free hand up to yank on his curls and that’s all it takes. He goes still and quiet as he spills over Phil’s fingers.

Slowly, Phil stands, holding his hand carefully so as not to make a mess of the furniture. He reaches down and wipes his hand on Dan’s discarded joggers and then flops down onto the sofa next to him.

“Aw man,” Phil says, looking down, “now I can’t return these.”

“You cheap bastard.” Dan’s eyes are closed, his head resting back, legs spread wide, enjoying the afterglow. “I haven’t even caught my breath.”

“Sorry, they just don’t suit me and they’re faulty.”

“Oh my god, fuck off, I will give you the 50 quid Jesus.” Dan sounds way too blissed out to actually be annoyed.

“50 quid?” Phil says, shocked, “Daniel, what do you take me for?”

They are quiet for a moment.

“They were 65.”

Blindly Dan reaches over, groping for Phil’s zipper. “Ew,” He says, feeling the sog of cooling cum that has soaked through.

Phil hisses, so sensitive after all that torture. Dan futzes with zipper a bit and with more room and less pressure, it opens. Phil sighs a deep, genuine sigh of relief. “Babe. Thank you.”

“Ow,” Dan says, sitting up, “I think you chafed my cheeks.”

“You brought that on yourself. Anyway, no way it compares.” Phil stands up, trousers open. He’s still in shoes so he toes them off and pulls off his jumper. “I’m so gross, come shower with me.”

The hot water is divine. Dan’s ass is a little red and raw so Phil gently washes it with his favorite vanilla body wash.

“I may be stuck with those trousers but I am never wearing them again.”

Dan leans forward onto the shower wall and arches his back, ass on display. He gazes over one shoulder seductively, batting his lashes. “You sure about that, Lester?”

Phil plants a playful smack on Dan’s cute booty, prompting him to turn around. They hold each other, feeling the warm water stream over and between their bodies.

“Okay, I’ll wear them for you but I’m not zipping them up.”

Dan’s voice is sleepy and relaxed as he murmurs in Phil’s ear, “Sounds good to me.”

#phanfic #myfic #pff bingo 2019 #smart casual

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timeisacephalopod · 5 years

Text

Action

Have uh, some random Peter Q/ Tony thing in which Tony is Tony and Peter is a movie director.

“You,” Peter says, pointing at the hottie with the coffee. Everyone is going to hate his guts but they can all deal. He knows what he’s doing, its why people love his shit. “Want to be a cool space vagabond in a movie?”

Hottie with the Coffee stares at him for a long moment, clearly trying to determine if he’s serious. “Do you even know if I can act?” he asks.

Nope but he’s got a feeling and his feelings always end well except that one time he worked with Ronan and nearly ruined his career that movie was so bad but then he bounced back with some heartfelt Oscar winning daddy issues shit people loved so. He’s good. “You can probably act, lets go,” he says, walking off fully expecting his new casting choice to follow him.

Yeah, okay. This isn’t where Tony thought he’d spend his summer but he’s not complaining either. “I thought only rich kids could end up directors,” he says. He knows a few, they’re all shit but Peter is excellent. Fucking insane but excellent nonetheless. Really likes improv, which means his actors have to be good at it. Lucky him Tony happens to be great with a witty one liner.

“Yeah, that’s pretty true. I robbed the tits out of rich people all over California to raise money to make a movie. It ended up being a smash hit success and it put me in demand a little. People came to me to do a couple things, I proved myself a little more, and now I get regular work. None of the show pilots I’ve written have been picked up but I still get stupid amounts of money for writing them so whatever. Movies are more my thing anyway,” he says. “Gamora, move the lights a little to do that thing!” he yells across the set.

Gamora immediately begins moving the lights around and explaining what’s needed to the rest of the lighting crew. That’s not unusual for Peter, handing out some weird instructions and expecting people to get it. You get used to it working for him. “That’s a great backstory, you should make a movie about it,” Tony tells him, laughing.

“Thought about it but I already write a bunch of self insert characters, figured there was no need to do more of it,” he says. “Besides, sci-fi has always been where I wanted to be.”

“Usually you do drama,” Tony says and Peter raises an eyebrow.

“You did your research,” he says and Tony nods. “Yeah. Got stuck in it for a bit, not really that unusual for writers, getting stuck writing one genre in the industry forever. But I got a few people to take a chance on me and now I’m a proven genre jumper so I get a bunch of different shit. Except horror, I can’t write that to save my life. Always ends up horror comedy.”

Tony nods, “but people loved Black Lagoon,” he points out.

“People are dumb, that movie was hot garbage. The only redeemable thing was the fact that the fans started shipping the creature with the fish man from The Shape of Water and that was hilarious,” he says.

“Yeah, I’ve seen the art. So what exactly drew you to me anyway?” he asks because he’s been dying to know.

Peter shrugs, “your hot.” Tony raises an eyebrow. “No really, that’s it. I mean yeah, also you’re ridiculously expressive and carry yourself in a unique way that’s interesting to watch but mostly you’re hot.”

So it was the way he carried himself, interesting. Not really what he’d been expecting, all things considered.

Gamora looks amused, “and the rumor mill has started,” she says, handing her phone off to Peter. He grabs it and rolls his eyes at the TMZ article headline claiming he’s shacking up with Tony but its Tony’s response that catches his attention.

#CanNeitherConfirmNorDeny

More than that the tweet has gone viral. Obviously its a joke, Peter knows that, but he had no idea Tony had such a large and active Twitter base that’s now all interested in his movie for no other reason than Tony being attached to it.

“Bitch, what the fuck? How is this guy a one man marketing campaign?” he asks the screen more than Gamora.

“Probably because he’s already famous, idiot. You do know he’s the son of a billionaire and a genius who’s been in the public eye for years, right?” she asks and no he didn’t know that.

“Well shit, I knew that feeling I had was for a good reason,” he says. Suck it execs.

“Peter he’s well known for being difficult and an asshole, plus he has a history of addiction,” she says. “The fact that none of this seems to be a problem for you is a miracle.”

“Is not, its because I had a good feeling and he looks great on camera. His eyes are unique,” he says and Gamora rolls her eyes.

“Stop hiring people because you think they’re hot, its weird and creepy.”

“I hired you because you’re hot,” he lies and Gamora rolls her eyes.

“You hired me because we worked a job together and you know I’m good with tech. You hired Drax because you think he’s hot,” she says.

“Did not. I hired Drax because he’s a big ass dude and I didn’t know how to say no in the face of all those muscles. I hired Rocket because I thought he was hot.”

Gamora wrinkles his nose, “he looks like a rat.”

“He’s striking, don’t be rude.”

“If you find rats striking,” she mumbles.

“I think rats are very cute and you’re being a dick. Rats are good, Gamora.”

Peter considers Tony for a moment, head tilted to the side. “Okay, yeah, Nebs- Fast and Furious but for all those gay guys and women out there. Feel up Tony’s sexy space booty with the camera,” Peter tells her.

The younger Peter who follows Older Peter around with the clip board gives him a funny look. “Don’t be creepy,” he says.

Older Peter frowns at him, “what? Women deal with it all the time and I, personally, have been victimized by the lack of men’s space booties on TV. Its equality,” he says and Tony snorts.

“What, do you want me to bend over too?” he asks, amused.

“Can you work that naturally into the scene?” he asks and Nebula laughs behind the camera.

Mini Peter smacks Older Peter, “don’t be weird! Don’t do that,” he tells Tony and for some reason Peter allows it. Weird, considering he’s laid back but not afraid to tell someone off if they step on his toes.

“Its this your kid?” Tony asks, squinting at him. There’s a resemblance, sure, with the slightly curly dirty blonde hair and blue eyes. Beyond that they look nothing alike.

“Yes,” Older Peter says at the same time Mini Peter says, “no.”

They exchange a look. “No he’s just like my son, I adopted him three movies ago and we’re feeling up Tony’s space booty. This will vindicate every man who’s been attracted to me ever and also women. Straight dudes are officially the minority here and don’t we make movies to please the majority?” he asks Mini Peter, who rolls his eyes.

“That is a totally twisted take on that argument.”

“So is every take on that argument. Space. Booty. Feel it up,” he says.

Tony rolls his eyes and shakes his head. “You’re ridiculous,” he tells Peter.

“Look, just be lucky I didn’t include the original sex scene with an A'askavariian,” he says like anyone knows what that is.

“I’m not fucking an alien. Feel my ass up all you want with the camera, but I draw the line at alien fucking,” Tony tells him.

“Yeah, I got told that was uh. Not appealing to the public and hello, Del Toro had that woman fuck a fish man. Monster fucking is palatable to the public, my editors are just dicks,” he says.

“Peter, A'askavariians have tentacles and needles for teeth,” Mini Peter says, baffled.

Tony wrinkles his nose. “Yeah I know you thought the ass thing was creepy but the alien thing is worse so can we get back to my ass?” he asks.

“Hell yeah, sounds good. Nebula, I assume you know how to work that thing,” Peter says, waving a hand around. “Do stuff. Wait, action,” he says, forgetting fifty percent of the relevant words to his job spontaneously. Not unusual for Peter.

Mini Peter looks horrified.

Peter looks like hell, probably, if the rumors are true, because he’s been up all night looking over footage and consulting Rocket for edits later. The guy’s process is a fucking mess. “You should probably sleep,” Tony tells him, bumping shoulders with him. “Today’s going to be a long ass day.” The scene they’re shooting is like ten minutes, which doesn’t sound like a lot but it is when its all stunts and action that looks ridiculous without the CGI to make it look like things are actually exploding. Right now there’s a lot of green screens, sticks with tennis balls on them, and people running around in morph suits.

“Yeah, I’m not leaving anyone else in charge. I have a really specific vision for this and sure I’ve got a good team but also I don’t trust a single one of those assholes,” he says and Tony laughs.

“Will this be more or less painful knowing that you’re tired as hell?” Tony asks. Because some people get nicer and some people turn into massive assholes when step deprived.

Peter looks him over, “for you? Probably a good thing. I assume actors are having as bad a day as I am given that I end up making the poor bastards go through like thirty five takes of one scene. Everyone else? Not so good. I mean I’m a total dick, but shit Gamora knows how lights work why are they like that?” he asks, clearly finding some type of problem and he takes off to go deal with it, leaving Tony to ponder what today will hold.

He decides to make light of that Buzzfeed article that recently came out regarding his supposed relationship with Peter instead of worrying about things.

Peter finds Tony in the morning after he fucking sleeps because he has questions. “You, yeah you, what’s with the Twitter speculation?” he asks, catching Tony with a croissant in his mouth looking confused. “You know, about our non relationship,” he adds.

Tony snorts and pulls the food from his mouth. “That? Good marketing gimmick, people love stupid gossip like that. Figured it couldn’t hurt the movie considering your marketing budget is garbage.”

Yeah, true, he spent too much money on music and landed himself in a three week battle over why he needed to blow that much of the budget on music only to win it by pointing out that music often makes movies. Like Halloween without the creepy Micheal Myers theme song? Just some weird guy in a mask following idiot high school students. Sure he gets stabby but its the music that really sells it. Or it did when it first came out, not its just campy to the modern audience. Point is music can make or break a film and yeah sure, he took the money out of marketing but he’s famous enough now that people who know him will go see his shit because they follow his work- built in audience means he can spare marketing dollars.

“Thanks man, appreciate it after three fucking weeks of arguing over that damn budget,” he says, shaking his head.

“To be fair, I’ve heard the music you want paired with the scenes you shot. It’ll sound amazing,” Tony says and finally some appreciation here.

‘Damn right it will. Didn’t think i’d get marketing in the form of celebrity gossip though and when were you going to tell me you’re already famous?” he asks.

Tony laughs, “thought you recognized me but uh, became clear pretty fast that you didn’t so props to you. The last time I ran into someone who didn’t recognize me on sight I was six. Plus I was bored anyway, might as well spend four months on a movie set.”

“Yeah, but I looked you up. Your company has like five new products launching in the next month,” he says. Which is insane given the time and effort that goes into inventing all those things, testing them and he’s been reliably informed by Wikipedia that Tony’s testing process is extensive, and then comes production, marketing, distribution, customer feedback, and then improvements. All of those things on their own is a stupid amount of work, but together plus spending anywhere from ten to eighteen hours a day on a movie set doing random shit? Tony must have the stamina of a robot because keeping up with it all is borderline impossible.

“Half that stuff was already done when I started this and I have an amazing business partner. Honestly most of the credit for all that should go to Pepper. Marketing was all her and she’s a genius at it,” Tony says.

Peter nods because he followed up on the marketing for it. He’s written a few commercials, he knows how difficult it is to run a good marketing campaign when people fucking hate commercials. “You should keep her around forever. She’s way too good a resource to lose when your commercials don’t fucking suck ass,” he says.

Tony snorts, “you don’t have to tell me twice. Pepper is invaluable.”

Maybe he should hire her to run his marketing campaigns. He pretty much hates everyone he has now and in this industry you’re subject to be fired at any moment so he should fire them all and poach Pepper.

Tony walks over to Peter and throws himself down beside him, “smile for me,” he says, leaning into Peter’s space and grinning. He snaps a picture of a mostly confused looking Peter and posts it to his Twitter.

“So like. Are you two a thing? Because I don’t know anymore,” Drax says.

“They aren’t,” Mantis tells him. “But its a good method of attaching Peter’s movie to something.”

Drax frowns at her but says nothing. Tony raises an eyebrow and Peter shrugs, “Mantis is never wrong about stuff like that. She’s like... freakishly good at reading people.”

“Oh you’ll end up together but you’re not together now,” she tells them, not looking up from her tablet. “And Peter, please make sure the boom is not in the shots. I’m tired of editing them out.”

“I thought Rocket did the editing?” Tony asks.

“No, Rocket gets the credit,” Mantis says. “I’m kidding. Mostly. I help.”

“Meaning she’s the only thing that keeps Rocket from spontaneously combusting. She’s almost as good with editing tech as she is with emotions and Rocket needs someone to balance him out.” Yeah, Tony has met Rocket. Guy is wound a little tight and inseparable from that friend of his, Groot. Poor bastard probably has the worst name known to man, Rocket following shortly after. Shit, Mantis isn’t far out from that either.

“Huh. Make my ass look good,” he tells her and Drax’s eyebrows draw together.

“Your ass doesn’t need help to look good,” he says.

“Hey eyeballs off his ass,” he says like he has a right to complain. Everyone currently at the table gives him the same look because he’s a total hypocrite. “What? I told Nebula to feel up his ass with the camera, I didn’t feel up shit,” he points out. “My eyeballs were focused on that one fucky light.”

Tony snorts, “yeah, okay.”

“Don’t look at me like that, its true,” he says. “I maintain that until I’ve felt up Tony’s ass no one can give me the looks you’re all giving me.”

“I mean, if that willing,” Tony tells him and the look on Peter’s face is hilarious.

“Are you willing? Because I may actually have dreams about this.”

Drax shakes his head, throwing his fork at his food. “And people say I need to learn how to be less blunt. At least I’m not ruining people’s meals with admissions to sex dreams,” he mumbles, picking himself up and walking away.

Rhodey looks down at the article in his lap. “Is there truth to any of this?” he asks and Pepper looks up, leaning out of her desk to see what he’s reading before sighing. She doesn’t even need to speak for him to know what’s going on.

“You know how Tony is, he’ll get bored of Peter once they aren’t spending as much time together. Its a fling,” she tells him.

Which is why, three months later, Rhodey is annoyed to be standing in front of Peter fucking Quill, guy who is absolutely not good enough for his best friend. Tony looks hopeful, like he thinks Rhodey will like this pasty ass cornfed fucker when that’s so not going to happen.

“Let me be clear- I don’t like you. You look like someone stuffed you with some low quality hay, shoved a stick up your ass, and stuck you in a cornfield in Missouri until you managed to come to life, pulled that stick out of your ass, and walked onto a movie set. You’re not good enough for Tony and there is nothing on God’s green earth that will convince me otherwise,” he tells Peter.

“Well, I am from Missouri,” he mumbles.

“Yeah you look like you’re from Missouri,” Rhodey tells him, tone disparaging.

Tony sighs. “Rhodey, he’s great. Really.”

Rhodey squints, “have you watched this man’s movies? He couldn’t write himself out of a paper bag if it was made out of some damn ad libs,” he says and Peter clenches his jaw.

“I’m real upset that you’re coming up with better insults than me,” Peter tells him.

“Rhodey,” Tony tells him. “He’s actually awesome. Give him a break.”

He looks Peter over. “Give him a break? The only thing that needs to be broken here is this ugly ass relationship. Go date Pepper, she’s perfect for you,” he tells him. That is the only person he will accept because Pepper is amazing and treats Tony right. And he’s good for her too, they balance each other out. This shit he’s got going with Knockoff Chris Pratt? Not attractive.

Across the room Pepper looks vindicated.

#fanfiction #starquill #tony x peter quill #alternate universe

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winstonhcomedy · 5 years

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“Dope A-F”- 2/20-2/23 - “Super Long Sets, and Getting Screamed at by a Drunk Asshole”

Oh man I have a lot of insanity to catch up on. We had some truly fire sets, and some that were truly a dumpster fire. It was a ton of stage time as I work to stretch my legs and build a 30+ minute set.

2/20

I got a closing spot at Ragtime. Which is a small joint in Arlington that is run by Rahmein Mostafavi. I’m stoked because the last time I was here it went extremely well. I headed over to Brandon Beswick’s house and we hung out for a bit. He was going to drive up and hopefully I would be able to get him a guest spot on the show.

We headed out around 5:45 and stopped at a Wawa for some gas and snacks. We then hit the road and ran into a super crazy rainstorm. He hydroplaned a couple times, but nothing too insane. As we get closer Rahmein messaged me asking how much time Brandon wanted to do. So I was super stoked to have been able to get my dude a guest spot.

We get to the show and head on in. It is about 7:40 and there is maybe 7 or 8 people there. Enough to where it is going to be fun, but not quite the turnout we had hoped or expected. I set up my videocamera and we all kind of bust balls and shoot the shit. Rahmein asked me about Host Battle/Winstmas Games, and we talked about the success of his couple’s therapy show.

As we keep talking about things like comic group chats, offensive comedy, our experiences at The Richmond Funny Bone (my home club, and he had just headlined there) the room starts to fill in. I mean actually fill in.

As the seats fill up I’m getting more and more nervous. The only comedians on the show are Rahmein, Brandon, and I. He tells me I can do whatever time I want and he asks Brandon to do about 15.

Once the room is completely packed I fade out the music and Rahmein heads to stage. He starts with some light crowd work, and then does something I have never seen before. He actually starts to ask audience members if they’ve ever wanted to do comedy. A couple say yes so he forces them to get on stage and try some stuff. The first dude’s name was Ben and I forgot the other guys. It was kind of cool. The whole audience was into the experience and it really bought the show a lot of goodwill.

After this Rahmein started into his act for about ten minutes and was doing really well. This was going to be a super dope crowd and I was so excited to see how Brandon and I were going to do.

After Rahmein Brandon goes up and gets into his act. He has a strong set. He has some jokes really hit super hard. He had a couple moments where he forgot where he was in his act but if you didn’t know him you wouldn’t have known. He closed really strong and had some huge pops. I was so glad he drove us up, and got to work this dope room.

After this Rahmein went back up and worked out an 8 minute story about erectile dysfunction. It was insane, and it just kept building and building. It absolutely destroyed. This was going to be tough to follow.

So my set starts off with talking about Rahmein’s dick from his joke. Then after that I went into some crowd work with the two guys who did comedy. Then moved over to talking to an audience member named Sebastian. Who was a crazy good looking gay dude in the front row.

We riffed for a while and I got his friend Justin involved as well. I had some good lines about how they were dressed, and how hot they were. This crowd work went on for a while. It was working super well and then I went into my act.

I did about 20 minutes of material and it was all working super well. After I did this I went to my notebook and tried some newer stuff that worked ok. I had some lulls, but I never lost them. It felt like a battle, but a super strong win for me. I closed pretty well and got off stage. I’d give this set a B.

Afterwards Brandon and I headed out and decided to eat dinner at Applebees. It was a nice secluded, and empty Applebees in Fredericksburg. I love empty chain restaurants. It is so quiet and comforting and the perfect place to talk. We discussed comedy and the nba before hopping back in the car and heading home. I started to wonder how well I truly did tonight and then I checked my Venmo and an audience member had tipped me $25. So to get paid a bit of cash, and then also get tipped made the night all the better.

2/21

The next night I had to head back up to the Nova area. I was booked by Allan Sidley to headline his room at Tyson’s Biergarten (The room is called Tyson’s Comedy Cellar) in Tyson’s Corner.

I was stoked because I was about to do 30+ minutes at least. I get to the show and the room is really cool. It took me forever to find the free parking garage, but once I did I realized how convenient it is to get to the venue.

The room is in the basement of Tyson’s Biergarten. It’s so dope. They’ve got a bar stage right, and a bunch of picnic beer hall tables for people to sit at. I set up my video camera and met the comics the show. The host was Ralph Cooper and he was a super fun and chill dude. I also got to meet Scott Hall who was a nice dude and pretty new to comedy. He had good energy and we had a good time getting to know each other. The other comic was a female named Ariel who was from NYC. Very quiet, but also nice.

A dude came up to me named Morgan. He told me that he has seen me at 50 first jokes at DC Drafthouse . He said he loved my bit and followed me on IG because of it. He brought a friend out to check it out and that felt so freaking cool. We talked for a long time, and got to know each other better. It was one of the first times where I felt like I had someone search out my comedy. It was pretty dope. Then I had another audience member who had seen me at The DC Improv and then brought me a 36 pack of dry erase markers for my classroom (reference to a joke I do). This was honestly shaping up to be an amazing night.

The only problem is the attendance. Honestly there is about 12 or 13 people here and outside of the three that came to see me the audience does not seem interested in comedy at all.

The comics go up one by one and nobody has a really hot set. Like the audience seems to hate comedy. The host does ok, Scott does ok, and Ariel has the best set of the three. Even she struggled a bit, but she def is someone who knows her material.

After this I go up. I start with crowd work and this show feels brutal. I am wringing as many laughs as I can out of this group. I riff on the venue a bit (the venue has a weird system where you buy a token and then trade that for beer). I get a big pop when I talk about how the bar on Sunday has a reading group for children. I then do a riff on how the kids have to turn in a token to get a book. This is the biggest laugh I get of the night. For the first 30 I am doing my best material/crowd work. The fire alarm goes off twice which was ridiculous af and scary. After the 30 minutes of getting to know people and working I decide to use the last 20 minutes of my set to try new stuff and just get weird. I felt comfortable the whole time, but it was definitely a lot of work. I’d give my set a C. This is as average as it gets. Some things bombed completely, most got chuckles, and some things killed. I did my time and did a full 50 so that felt really good to be able to be on stage that long.

After the show I say my goodbyes and get my parking validated. I then hop in my car and head back absolutely exhausted.

2/22

It is finally Friday so I am so glad to be done with work. I get a message from Allan Sidley about how he heard how tough the room was but he got a lot of high praise about me. It made me feel infinitely better about my set. He said the Thursday’s can be rough, but they’re really growing that room and he can’t wait to have me back. It means a lot to hear. All you can ask after a show is the booker wants to have you again.

This night I was booked by David McCallie to feature at his new room at The College Inn in Charlottesville. He is super nervous about the whole situation and is being a diva about it. I get it though. It is his first show, and he wants it to go well. I’d rather someone care too much than not at all.

I am on the show with McCallie, Abdulla, Paige Campbell, and Chris Alan. This is a pretty fun and dope lineup and I’m hoping this will be a new dope room in town. I get there pretty early. Like 5ish and then I just sit waiting for some others to get there while I watch Netflix in my car.

I change in the back and while I am doing that Paige and Alex show up. I start unpacking the stuff from my car, and then Abdulla gets there. They all help me carry the stuff to College Inn and we settle in for what will hopefully be a super fun night of comedy.

A bunch of other comics/friends show up to hang. We are a little worried because the vibe isn’t that people are here to see comedy. There are a few groups of people, but it looks like they’re going to be surprised by comedy. This is when I realize you can’t ever make comics happy. If no one had been there I’d have been freaking out, and now that there are people here I am just assuming they hate comedy.

Turns out as the night goes on they are definitely there for comedy. It get absolutely packed as we get closer to showtime. The servers and staff don’t know what to do with this many people. They had to start turning people away, and making them leave because they were over their max occupancy according to the fire code. Which is one of the coolest things I’ve ever been able to say about a show before.

Before the show stars McCallie offers Alex Castagne and guest spot and he takes it. So now I've got a ton of my besties on the lineup and it’s the first time I can remember where all of us are performing back to back to back to back. It is so packed I can’t set up my big camera so I have to put my GoPro on the speaker right next to the stage.

McCallie goes up first and every seat is filled and 20 people are standing at the door. We are on a raised seating area that we have closed off for the comics to sit at. We are in the middle of the restaurant almost doing comedy in the round.

McCallie does mediocre. He is new to comedy and he doesn’t get up much, but he proved he was able to produce one hell of a show. He seemed really proud even though he was being a control freak. He got a few laughs and then brought Abdulla up.

Abdulla had a fine set. The show was starting to build. People were into it, and they wanted more. Then Alex went up and this is when it really started to get hot. Alex did about 7 minutes and he had some really strong pops. They dug him a lot. Paige carried that momentum when he did about 15 after. He was hitting them with a lot of his new stuff, but also giving them some of the hits. At this point I am so excited about my set. I can not wait to get up.

McCallie brings me up and from the very beginning of my set I had them. I absolutely destroyed for 23 minutes. They were into my rhythm, and cadence. They were following along, and I was darting my eyes back and forth all around me trying to keep everyone engaged. During this time McCallie had allowed two of his buddies to sit on the stage. This is fine because they’re both loving my set/the whole show.

I got some of the biggest pops I’ve ever gotten on some of my jokes. I finally captured great video of my bits about witches and China. I then did an 11 minute version of my arming teachers bit, before closing with a couple other things. I legit had one bit not murder, but it still did ok. I’d give my set an A. I loved this set and I could have done an hour.

I get off stage and feel amazing. Then Chris goes up. He shoots himself in the foot early (which is a signature Chris Alan move). He just buries himself up top to see if he can dig himself out. Which he does. He slowly starts to murder. After maybe a tentative 5 minutes up top he had them hooked. He is absolutely murdering for 40 minutes with a mix of material and crowd work. Everything is working and it is a masterful set.

Towards the end of his set he opens up the room for questions from white audience members for Black History Month. He gets a ton of laughs on this. the audience is involved, he is shitting on white people, and at the same time bringing everybody together.

At the end of his set McCallie’s friend who loved the show started to yell and heckle He had issue with one statement Chris made and instead of talking about it reasonably he started to yell. It was incredibly awkward. He was super drunk and honestly it put a poor ending on what was one of the best nights of comedy Charlottesville has ever seen.

After his set Chris leaves and the guy is still yelling. I go over to grab my camera and my bags and the guy is just shit talking everybody else who was on the show. He goes to tell me that I did great and tries to dap me up. Now this guy is hammered, he has already been yelling about racial stuff for 10 minutes, and he is obviously aggressive. I should have just shook his hand, and thanked him.

I couldn’t do that. I just couldn’t. I would have felt like a huge p***y if I just let him say all this awful stuff about all of my friends. So I didn’t. I told him that I didn’t want to shake his hand, and that it wasn’t cool that he yelled at comic during their set. It didn’t look good and they should have talked about it off stage.

The dude then turns this into a racial thing. Saying I”m telling a black man what he can and can’t do, that I'm a racist, part of the problem, etc. He isn’t just saying this. He is screaming it into my face for about 15 minutes. I just calmly talk to him and tell him I’m speaking to him as a comedian. It’s not a good idea to yell at someone while they are performing. I get why he is upset, but discussions should be in private. He keeps yelling and getting in my face. he never put his hands on me but he did try to bump his chest into mine. I think he was trying to get me to bite and make it a physical altercation, but that would never happen.

I go through a lot of this at work. I”m used to people trying to intimidate me, and I can read body language. I knew this guy was upset, he’d been drinking, and I could never understand what he was going through. So I just tried to listen, and tell him he misunderstood me. All of my friends and his friends were now around us. They don’t know how this is going to go, and I’m just trying to avoid this dude getting thrown out. His friends (some who I know) are saying I’m not worth it and to just go and I am agreeing with them. I nor anyone is worth getting thrown out of a bar and risk not being able to come back. His friends are freaking out, my friend are all around us, McCallie put his hands on me and told me not to escalate it (honestly this made me madder than anything. I understand what he was doing, but I know what I’m doing. I was in the right, and wasn’t escalating shit.)

It just is too many people around to successfully deescalate the situation. I feel bad because in his mind I am a racist, and a pos. I probably in his mind prove his point that white people ain’t shit. He kept yelling I wasn’t a part of a group and I’ve done nothing to help anyone in my life (which is far from the truth, but it was not my job at that time to dispel his wack ass assumptions of my life). I just let him yell until the bouncer finally threw him out. The whole time he was yelling that everyone in the bar was a racist and trash.

After all this I felt pretty rough. It just put me in a weird headspace. I was planning on going home, but my friends talked me out of it. Instead we were going to go to McCallie’s for a small get together and play Smash Bros. As we are walking to my car to put my stuff away a lady who used to teach Special Education said she loved my material and that it was the best part of the night. This meant a lot to me and definitely put me in better spirits.

I head to McCallie’s and Chris calls. He is upset too so I go meet him and bring him back to the house. This is when the night starts to turn around. We talk everything through and just start hangin. John Marg, Paige, Alex, Jake Snyder, McCallie, Alex’s brother, Chris, Padgett, Abdulla, Sean Wells, David Luzader (he left before we played smash because he’s a baby), and some others are just having a blast.

We talk comedy, We talk how good the show was. People start drinking and hanging out, and as the night goes on I hook up my switch and get about an hour and a half of Smash games in. I grab my stuff and then walk to my car to head home. Definitely in a better mind state than I was a few short hours ago. I head home and pass out.

This was one of the best and most memorable nights of comedy I’ve had in forever. It also showed how much I’ve matured since I started comedy and teaching. I have way more patience now, and I am a better person. This was a dope reminder of that, and that I have to keep working on myself and my comedy so I can achieve something really special one day.

2/23

I was finally going to be making my return to Fredericksburg. I haven’t really done a set here in a super long time. I used to be a regular at Liberty Laughs. Which was the Comedy Zone comedy club in the area. It was above a bowling alley and I had some of the best sets/times there and some of the worst sets of all time.

The comedy zone recently opened up a new club at this placed called Central Station. They do two shows once a month now as they try to build the audience back up. I had been booked to feature for both shows opening for Adam Dodd (musical comedian who is originally FXBG) and the host was Sean Bennett (new local comic).

I get to the venue and the sign out front says to enter on the side and that the shows are at 7:30 and 10:00. Both of these are a lie. You had to enter in the front and the shows were at 7 and 9. This is not a good sign. I go in and the place is absolutely huge. Like this place looks like it could comfortably seat like several hundred people. We had a pretty good sized crowd for the first show though. They sold about 80 tickets and the way they had the seating it felt and looked super full. There’s just so much empty space.

Some of the audience was upset about how long it was taking to get their food and drinks. This was because a lot of the wait staff had called out this night. Also the host didn’t know that he was supposed to be taking money at the door and helping seat people. So the gm Shelby was stressed out about it and rushing around. Eventually everyone got seated and their drinks and the show was starting.

Sean goes up and he does ok for about 10 minutes. It was obviously one of this first times hosting and with this crowd he had a pretty fun opening set. He then goes to bring me up and forgets my name. Not only does he not know my name he asks me if I’m a singer. I tell him know and he was like, “but you have a notebook” and I responded, “yea because some of us write jokes.” I don’t know this felt really disrespectful and dumb. Like just ask me my name or idk check the poster that you’re on.

So now the stage is awkward and weird. It just took the energy out of the room so I went up and just did crowd work for my entire set. It killed. I cracked the audience and got to know everybody. I brought a gentleman on stage named Hammer. I kept going back to him and got some good pops. I closed with a joke and got a good response, but for the most part it was like 95% crowd work. I’d give this set a B-. It went really well, and felt good.

Next Adam went up and had a crazy good set. He was a pretty good draw for locals since he was from there. He kept people energized and everybody had a blast. Sean came up and apologized and we laughed it off. It honestly wasn’t that big of a deal, and I was able to overcome it and have a hot se. Just iin the moment it just felt super shitty. Also Scott Wharton (a local comic) had come out and hung as well.

After Adam’s set I had a guy come buy my album, and got to talk to the other comics for a bit. They were fun to talk to and hang and Adam was very complimentary.

The second show looks like it is going to be super light. At 9 pm (start time) there is literally no one there. The gm Shelby comes over and says we can do whatever we want for this show.

Adam asks me if I want to do a shorter show/set and I tell him I’m down. So I'm prepping to only do about 10 minutes. Also Scott Wharton was going to get a guest spot so it would all even out.

Once the show starts there is about 14 people there and not only are they wasted, they don’t see like they even want to see standup. This is going to be a brutal show. The show doesn’t even start with the host. Scott just goes up and goes into his act. It is not going well at all. These people are not giving him anything. There are two drunk ladies in the front and he starts to get a little mean and aggressive with them which isn’t a good look.

After him Sean goes up and struggles as well. He makes a race joke about being against mixed race dating. This bothered a few of the women in the front and he goes in on them a bit. He keeps insinuating that they can both apologize to each other (a reference to his joke about white women giving head like they’re apologizing for slavery). The audience hates him. The audience is super talkative and interrupting his set and I’m just ready to do my time.

He brings me up (remembers my name this time.) I then proceed to work my ass off for 18 minutes. I just do crowd work and a few jokes. Half of the jokes work. The crowd work I opened with was basically me trying to separate myself from the previous comics. I apologized and got to know the two women in the front. I tried to get a dude to come on stage with me and he refused, but that was ok. I got chuckles on most things, and some crowd work got ok pops. I worked my ass off and felt good about how I handled it. I did my time and I’d give this set an F but I earned this F. I didn’t bail on my time. I stayed in the pocket and didn’t let them beat me. I had the best set of the first there by far and that was validating.

After this I grabbed my bag and said goodbye to Adam. He was complimentary, but I was ready to go home. I headed out and went to Arby’s to get a bit to eat. I stuffed myself with a roast beef and cheddar and Oreo bites. I deserved it. On my way home Scott messaged me that I left my notebook. I thank him for holding onto it and I am going to grab it from him Friday. A perfect ending for an insane weekend of comedy.

So that’s it laydees! That’s how my weekend went. I’ll be back tomorrow with Monday-today’s shows. I love you all soo very much and make sure to follow me on IG @winstonhcomedy. xoxoxo much love baybeeas!

#comedy #standup #comedy zone #comedy club #improv #crowd work #bomb #fight #race #smash bros

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blackrosesfanfic · 6 years

Text

Chapter 180

Chris

"I'm not sure what's going on." I shrug.

"How can you not know about your own life, Christopher?" Cammie snaps.

I chuckle. Trey told me to leave her alone. I forgot. Just that fast I remember and move away from her. She rolls her eyes at me as I walk away. I don't even remember what we were talking about before she got upset. I don't need her conversation. There's plenty of people to talk to.

"Want to spike the punch?"

"With water I'm hoping." Sevyn snaps looking me up and down.

I look around the room. "Are you and Cammie programmed to have the same attitudes?"

"No. You aren't supposed to be drinking. You are at a family oriented event. Plus there are kids currently at the fountain drinking punch."

"Chill. It was a joke."

"A bad one."

I sigh and change the subject. "Shall we talk about how fucking dope this party is?"

She crosses her arms. "I mean shit. Who the fuck does Disney think they are revealing? I'm like damn. I know that ice waterfall is expensive as hell."

"You being a hater?" I say kissing her cheek.

"Girl." MiMi says walking up. "Like who the fuck is Caden?"

Amber spins around looking at MiMi. "Okay. I just said that."

"They got real fucking plants, animals, and shit."

"Maybe Cammie fucked Walt Disney and that's really his baby."

I scrunch up my face. "Maybe Caden was born premature and they feel like they need to give some encouragement."

They both look at me. MiMi speaks. "The one time we need you not to speak positive you fucking open your mouth. Bitch shut up."

"Clearly we hating." Amber says then they both walk away.

"Shit." I say out loud to myself.

I go sit down next to the oversized ugly monkey. A few seconds later Lane comes over to me. He punches the monkey then looks at me. I ignore him. He stares like I'm bothering the monkey or some shit. I turn and look at him.

"What, Bitch?" he says.

"Nigga." I laugh then push his chest.

He wipes his chest off. "No touch me. This you mama."

I look at him. "Huh?"

"This you mama." he pointing at the monkey.

"Nigga that's yo mama." I laugh.

Lane keeps a straight face. "Kiss yo mama, Chris."

"Oh this little boy got jokes." I say shaking my head.

"Chris, you see that tiger? I touch it."

I look away from him. "I ain't talking to you."

"Punk." he says. "You mama this orangutan."

"Orangutan? Nigga you can't even pronounce your daddy name right but you say orangutan."

He raises his eyebrows. "You look like you mama."

I put my head on my knees laughing. Oh shit. This bad ass little boy. I look at him. He is smiling at me devilishly. This nigga only 2 the fuck he mean I look like my mama? Damn, I should have recorded him. Nobody going to believe me.

"Lane, your mama wants you." Trey says coming up.

"Yo, your son fucking talks too good for 2."

Trey nods. "Yeah. What he say to you?"

"That the monkey my mama." I cut my eyes at Trey. He laughed too hard. "Then he repeated it saying my mama was the orangutan. That wasn't enough so he said I look like my mama."

"Shut the fuck up." Trey laughs holding his stomach. "Did he really?"

I shrug. "Why would I lie?"

Trey turns and walks away. "Cammie got him saying orangutan."

"He bad."

"Yeah." Trey nods walking through the tables to Cammie.

Amber comes up. "Hey, sexy."

"Me or my mama?" I say pointing to the monkey.

"What?" she laughs.

"That's what Lane says."

She laughs then sits on my lap. "Cammie says we need to stop fucking hating. There is a table with little bear shaped sandwiches and honey combs. You know like the real bee honeycomb. Cute fucking party. Want to find a bathroom and act like we Adam and Eve after they found out what sex was?"

"What?"

"No?" she says standing up.

I stand up. "Yes."

She walks to the waterfall where MiMi was. MiMi pushes her away from her. They share a laugh then Amber comes back to me.

"MiMi wasn't down with watching."

"You did not ask her that."

Amber smiles walking away. "I swear I did. Follow me."

We walk pass an area with a mini bouncy house. King and Saint were the only ones playing on it. What the hell is Saint doing here? I look back behind me. I didn't see Kim or Kanye here.

"Oh my gosh."

"My bad." I say turning around.

We walk out into the hall. I grab her hugging her close to me. Getting mad cause she wants the dick and it's being delayed. I pull us back as she tries to walk forward. Get even more mad and heated. I beg you. She stops walking realizing I was winning. I let her go then walk forward into her. She spins around hitting me. I kiss her cheek hitting my lip.

"Shit."

"Oh good. Now you can't eat pussy for 24 hours."

I laugh. "Everyone think they funny today. Ain't shit funny."

"Right, Mr. CB." she says pulling me in another direction.

"You look sexy as hell in this dress."

"I'm not wearing anything under it." She smirks.

I start feeling on her for some. "Why not, my love?"

"Doesn't go with the outfit." she shrugs.

She dead ass serious and I'm hard ass fuck. I look around the bathroom. Cammie and Lane stop drying their hands at the same time and look at us. I smile.

"What the hell y'all doing in here?"

"They use the bathroom." Lane says throwing his paper towel away.

Cammie looks at him. "Thank you, Lane."

He giggles. "You welcome, Mommy."

"It's too crowded in here." Cammie says grabbing Lane's hand. "This is for one person. Nasty."

"You gonna touch the tiger, Mommy."

Cammie sucks her teeth. "Boy, no."

Trey

Lane makes sure that he is the center of attention. In public he does it in a terrible way. He is demanding and cranky. At home he is wild and free. I can't deal with him and his mother. Luckily she is dealing with him. She is also dealing with her own attitude. We cut guest holding Caden short. He doesn't like going from arm to arm. Cammie says that it's the different smells. I think she is okay with nobody touching him.

"How much longer is this party?" Cammie says when I come near.

"You are the one with the schedule."

"I'm wondering why these people took the time out of their busy lives to come see my baby. What is so important about a baby? Is it just the chance to... Oh shit. Trey."

I lean down to her. "You okay, Jay?"

She smiles extra hard. It's Michelle Obama and Malia. "Hello."

"Glad I made it. This is nice."

"You just took this party to the next level." I say. "Meet Caden Elijah."

She smiles. "Awh, Lee, look at him? May I?"

Cammie stands up extra anxious. "Yes, go ahead."

"Handsome." she smiles while there are hundreds of cameras flashing and such. "Hello, Caden."

"He is cute." Malia says leaning into Michelle to see Caden.

I smile. "He being good for you. He has been mistreating everyone else. Nobody could hold him this long."

"He knows how to be a gentleman." Michelle says then look around. "Where is my buddy Lane?"

"He will not stop asking people to take him to the tiger. It's real." Cammie says pointing.

Malia turns and walks away. "No way."

"I prayed for this little guy during his hospital stay. I was thrilled to get the invitation to his reveal party. Such a cute idea. I want to hold him for hours. He is so adorable and well behaved." She gives him back to Cammie. "I know he is still new to the world. I won't hold him too long with my world germs."

"Thank you for coming." Cammie says.

I take Caden as Cammie hands him to me. He opens his eyes looking at me. In a way this party is too over the top. They have a $1000 blanket with me and the family on it. How did you get a blanket to cost so much? Must be imported or some shit. Too much. I rock Caden. He starts quivering his bottom lip. Oh Cammie better take him back. I put his pacifier in his mouth. He stares at me for a few seconds before he starts sucking it. Damn, I'm going to have two Lane's running around. The world is not ready.

"Look at these goodies." MiMi says with a washcloth.

"You carrying around shit in a washcloth?" I snap hitting her forehead.

She cuts her eyes at me then look at Caden. "Bitch, you better be glad."

"What is that?" Cammie asks.

"I was walking Forever My First Lady to the bathroom and I saw that they set up a table by the door with these."

She opens the washcloth out. There was candy in it, a piece of paper, a golden ticket, and a box. I grab the paper. It's a thank you note. The ticket was to a premiere of the Jungle Book Movie. I reach for the box but MiMi picks it up.

"It's mine so don't touch."

"What is it girl?" I snap.

She opens it. "It's mine."

I reach for it. She snaps the box closed and moves away. It was a beautiful locket with Caden's picture in it. I couldn't see if it was on a necklace or not. MiMi's ass wasn't letting me see the damn thing. Just so happen Natalie walks her happy ass pass me.

"Aye, come here. Get me one of those party things."

"The little storks with the baby?"

I nod. "If that's what it is."

"They are watching the table. You can only get one going out."

"Why?"

She shrugs. "We tried to get one. They were like are you coming back in? If so wait."

I look at MiMi. "You thief how did you get that?"

"She has one?" Natalie snaps. "Me and Teyana were trying to get one. Where is TeeTee?"

"You snitching." MiMi says grabbing her washcloth with the stuff in it.

"You camera ready?" CiCi asks walking up to us. "They want to give you a gift. Cammie you ready?"

Of course Cammie has an attitude. "We been on camera all day. What else is there to take a picture of? Like how many times you need a picture?"

"Jay, chill. We ready." I moving to her like I'm giving her Caden. "You need a quick reminder of your attitude?"

"What?"

I kiss her. "Just kidding, Jay."

A guy that works with Cammie comes up. He nods his head at her smiling too fucking hard. Motherfucker. I'm about to act out now. The fuck wrong with this white man? They love marveling over our black women. I start to say something but he moves on. He stands to the side of me and turn to the crowd.

"What a lovely family, right? Thank you all for attending this very special moment. I like to give a special thanks on behalf of Disney to the Neverson family for allowing us all to be a part of their special moment. Also on the behalf of Disney I would like to present you with this gift. As well as the beautiful family blanket hanging up and the numerous stuffed animals around the room. I'm sure Lane would love that as he has been beating them up all day."

"No say my name." Lane whispers. "Daniel."

He hears Lane say his name and look back. "As you leave be sure to grab a party favor with a special gift from Disney. Thank you again and welcome to the Disney family, Caden Elijah."

"Daniel, don't say my brother."

"Lane, would you like to say something?" he asks Lane.

Lane comes from behind Cammie and take the mic. What? I look at Cammie. Lane doesn't do anything publicly. There is no way he is about to step in front of the crowd and talk about something. What got into him?

"Hey, tiger." Lane says.

"Lane say thank you." Cammie giggles.

Lane smiles. "Thank you, tiger."

I laugh. He only wants to talk to the tiger and ignore all the people looking at him. I take the mic away from him. This boy does stuff everyday that surprises me. Like him knowing Daniel's name when I didn't remember it. Daniel has not been here long enough to talk to Lane. Daniel sits a huge basket down on a table that someone brings up.

"Thank you all for everything. The support and gifts that you gave during the rough start of Caden's life. We want to see the same turn out this summer at the epic birthday party for Lane. Same effort Daniel." I say.

He smiles then starts clapping. Caden wasn't liking that at all. I put the mic down then try to calm him down. He does for a few seconds. Cammie takes him from me.

"I'm going to feed him okay?" she says then starts kissing him. "Mommy knows. Okay. I know."

"What do Mommy say?" Lane asks me tapping my leg.

I look at him. "Bruh, you so far down there. Mommy said she going to feed Caden. Lane, you get to take the monkey home."

"The orangutan." he says like I'm stupid.

"Yeah."

He gets excited. "I go get it."

"Let me see that." I chuckle as he runs off. That thing is twice his height. "MiMi, you a bitch."

"Tremaine, you a fucking phoney ass wanna be Bryson Tiller."

Damn. I turn my back to her. She played the shit out of me. There's nothing I can call her ass to top that. I start looking though the basket. There were a few stuffed animals with Caden's name on them. There was also cookies, candy, and ribbons. It had a booklet of different premiere dates and showtimes that we could attend. I left up a bear. There's a cube with different pictures of Caden. Some of them were the pictures from the book that the doctor gave us. Others were of today. I take out another box that is about the same size as the photo box. I open it and get light headed. They about to make me cry in this bitch. A watch. No not just a watch. A fucking Mille Miglia. Fuck.

"You brought a watch?" Cammie says touching my arm. "Why are you looking at it like that?"

"I didn't buy this." I say staring at it.

She kisses my cheek. "You don't have a Mille like that."

I look at her. "How you know what it is?"

"Tremaine, I know all your dirty secrets. Who gave that to you?"

"Disney. In the box." I say closing it then opening it.

"And what does the mother of your child have?"

I make a face at her. "I did all the work."

"Shut up. Look through the thing."

I go back into the basket. There's another heavier box. I open it and smile. Cammie moves closer. I hand her the box then take Caden out of her arms. Inside the box is a gold elephant with two baby elephants at her feet. The mother was decorated with diamonds. I pick up the card.

"It says that it's handmade by some French name." I say.

"Look at this?" she says pulling something out of the basket. "How cute is this?"

I make a face at it. She giggles then hits me.

"Tremaine, it's a baby carrier and a baby bag for you."

"That looks like a bullet proof vest?"

She sits it beside the basket then take some candy out. "It's cute."

I kiss her lips. Her nasty ass pushing her candy into my mouth. I poke her side then take the candy out my mouth.

"Nasty ass."

"You only say that because we fully clothed. No nasty?"

I turn away from her. "Shut up, yo."

She touches my neck. "Eww."

"Jayla, leave me alone."

"All the way alone or a little bit alone? Like how much?"

I step away from her. "This much alone."

She laughs. "Okay, fine. Hey, over there."

I look back at her. She is talking to April. April waves at Cammie then keeps talking to some lady. I shake my head. They fake as shit. I don't know what I would do if they didn't get along majority of the time. I turn around walking up to Cammie and kissing her cheek. She puts her hands on my chest then push me away. I look down at Caden in my arms. He was blinking slow doing to sleep.

"Caden did good. Right?" I say to Cammie.

"5 seconds. You couldn't stay over there mad for 5 seconds?"

"It was more than that."

Cammie giggles. "Okay. Yes he did do good."

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awhitehead17 · 6 years

Text

Tiny Tim (part ten)

Part One / Part Two / Part Three / Part Four / Part Five / Part Six / Part Seven / Part Eight / Part Nine / Part Ten

Chapter Summary: Disney World part two

Also on AO3

Enjoy! :D

Tim scribbles messily on the piece of paper in front of him. The café they were at offers free colouring sheets and crayons to kids and Kon being Kon decides to get some for Tim. Tim bets it was mainly just for himself because at the moment Kon looks like he’s having a lot more fun with the colouring than he is.

“You know you’re supposed to colour in the lines right Tim?” Conner comments to him when he looks up from his own paper.

Just to spite him Tim grabs another crayon and scribbles wildly over the paper. Once he was done he looks back up at Kon and gives him an innocent looking smile, “Whoops.”

Kon gives him a look, one that says really? and in retaliation Tim sticks his tongue out at him and looks back at his bit of paper. They’ve been sat at the café for a good 10 minutes already and it’s another 5 before someone shows up.

“Conner!”

Both him and Kon turn around to the name call, they find Jon heading their way while dragging Damian behind him. Conner smiles at him once he reaches the table, “Hey kid, how’s your day been so far?”

“Look!” Jon shoves a Superman plushie in Kon’s face, “I won this!”

Kon shoves it out of his face, “Yeah? Did you cheat?”

Jon pouts at him, “No I did not! Damian, tell him I didn’t cheat.”

“Tt, despite what it looked like and what he is capable doing, Kent did not cheat.”

“Thank you, see Conner.” Jon says wearing a smug smile.

Kon smiles and shakes his head, “Whatever kid. What else you been up to?”

Jon’s normal excited grin appears back on his face and he enthusiastically tells Kon about his and Damian’s day. Tim was listening but he moves his attention away from the two supers when he feels a presence stand next to him. He looks up to find Damian looking at his ‘colouring’.

“Drake do you not know how to colour? You keep inside the lines, it is not that hard of a concept to grasp, but then again a simple-minded creature like you would find that hard to understand.” Damian says to him, voice full of disgust.

Tim narrows his eyes up at Damian, god he wishes he was his normal self again just so he can beat him. But no. He was stuck in this four-year-old body and they happen to be out somewhere that was full of random people, it would look and sound weird if a four-year-old started cursing at a teen and calling him all kinds of vulgar names.

Working to keep himself from saying anything Tim settles for glaring at Damian. Of course Damian is undeterred by his look, the teenager simply glares back and it suddenly becomes a glaring contest between them. Tim’s not willing to let the demon spawn beat him, Tim may not be able to fight back physically but at least he can glare to some extent.

He’s unsure how long they spend looking at each other but much to his annoyance Tim brakes eye contact first and that was only because someone jabbed his ribs. He couldn’t help the yelp that escaped his mouth and the sudden jerk of his body. He looks around to find Jason smirking evilly at him. “Jumpy there Timmy?”

“Don’t jab my ribs.” He pouts back at the man. Next to him Damian tuts and walks away, Tim watches him go and as he sits down next to Jon who was now sat on Kon’s other side. Jason also moves and takes a seat on Tim’s unoccupied side. Tim watches as Jason takes in his colouring, an eyebrow goes up on his face and his mouth opens to say something, however he seems to change his mind because he shakes his head and closes his mouth again.

“Come on daddy!”

Tim turns around to find Lian running towards their table. She stops every few feet to make sure that Roy was following behind her. Tim looks at Roy and does a double take, in his arms there’s a very big teddy bear. A huge fluffy brown bear with a red bow tie around his neck. Tim’s pretty sure that it was bigger than him in size and possibly even in weight.

Eventually they get to the table and Lian starts jumping up and down, “Look what we won! Look what we won!”

“Wow.” Kon says looking at the bear with wide eyes as Roy sits it at the table opposite him.

Next to him Jon gasps, “That’s huge! Where did you get it?”

Roy looks at him and smirks, “A shooting game. There was two targets, one side had a little crossbow and the other had a gun, so naturally….”

“Fair enough.” Kon comments still looking at the bear.

“Daddy, can I go play in the play area?” Lian asks looking hopeful from where she was tugging on his t-shirt.

Roy frowns at her before looking around, he finds the children’s soft play area over in the corner of the café and looks back at his daughter, “You can but after you’ve had something eat.”

Lian looks like she wants to argue but a stern look from Roy changes her mind, she nods, “Okay daddy.” She climbs up onto the seats next him and looks around the room with intense curiosity.

Roy leans forward and grabs a menu from the middle of the table and sets it out in front of him, Jon does the same with the second menu and opens it up for him and Damian to look at. He and Kon have already decided what they’ll be having, they decided on it while they waited for the others to arrive.

“Hey, where’s Goldie to?” Jason asks suddenly, he looks at Jon and Damian, “Wasn’t he with you brats?”

“Tim and I saw him in a performing in a parade on the way here, I have to admit I’m curious about how he got there.” Kon says, looking between Jason and his brother.

Jason lets out a snort, “Seriously? A performing in a parade? Typical.”

“Well about two hours ago the three of us bumped into some acrobats who were trying to perfect a move. Dick saw them and offered some help, he showed them how to do it and they offered him a place in the parade because they realised who he was.” Jon explains. “At first he said no because he was with us but then Damian told him to go because it was clear that he wanted to do it but I think that the real reason is so Dick would leave us alone to do whatever we wanted without an adult.”

Silence surrounds the table as they all look at Jon who blushes once he sees everyone looking at him.

“What? It’s true” He says defensively.

Conner frowns at him, “So you’ve spent the last two hours on your own?”

“We do not need a baby sitter clone, we are perfectly capable of looking after ourselves.”

Kon rolls his eyes but lets the comment go. From there Tim ignores the small talk that’s going on around the table, instead he focuses on the paper in front of him while trying to ignore the hurt feeling inside of himself. Dick said that they’ll spend the afternoon together but now that he’s with the parade that’s obviously out of the window. It hurts to know that Dick had apparently forgot about his promise.

“Well I’m not waiting for him to show up, I’m hungry so I’m getting food.” Jason declares standing up from the table, “Join me or not, I don’t care.”

He starts to walk towards the counter where the orders are being taken, Roy gets up and follows him, once they get back Kon, Jon and Damian all get up and do their orders. When they return small talk takes over the table once again and is that way until the food arrives.

Half an hour later all the food they had ordered has now disappeared. Tim enjoyed his food, it was a child’s portion of fries and chicken nuggets in shape of Mickey Mouse. It wasn’t a big meal but it filled him up. What he didn’t enjoy was that Dick still hasn’t shown up and there was no signs of him showing up at all. Kon had tried to console him but Tim brushed him off, he doesn’t really want to hear it.

Tim’s brought out of his head when he hears Lian impatiently ask, “Daddy can I go now? Pleeeeeeaaaasssseeeee.”

Roy puts a thoughtful expression on and takes his time in answering, with every second that passes of him not answering Lian looks like she’s going to explode. After about 10 long seconds he finally nods, “Sure, go ahead, but be careful!”

“Yay!” She exclaims. She immediately starts to climb down from the table, however instead of heading for the children’s play area she runs around the table and grabs Tim’s t-shirt, “Come on Timmy, let’s go play!”

Tim almost falls off the seat he’s on because of her tugging and he has to steady himself by grabbing the table, he looks at her hopeful face and feels slightly guilty when he says, “Uh, I don’t really want to…”

Her face falls in disappointment, “What?”

Tim opens his mouth to say he doesn’t want to play but Jason speaks before he can, “He’s only joking, of course he wants to play!” That’s when hands appear under his arms and pick him up from the seat, they place him on the floor next to Lian, they also remove the cap that’s been sat on his all of this time, “Now you two go have fun okay, we’ll be here for when you want to come back out.”

Tim sends him a betrayed looked while Lian sends him a bright grin, “Thank you Uncle Jay, let’s go Timmy!”

She grabs his hand and drags him towards the play area when they get there Lian lets him go and starts climbing up the foam steps, “Come on! I think the slide is this way!”

Tim watches her disappear up the stairs, he looks back at the table where everyone is to find most of them staring at him with different kinds of smiles on their faces. Jason was wearing an evil smirk and was even holding up his phone with the camera faced at him, Roy was wearing an amused one and Kon was wearing a fond one. Jon and Damian wasn’t looking, both more interested in whatever was in front of them on the table.

“Come on Tim!” He hears from above. He sighs and resigns himself, he isn’t getting out of this, begrudgingly he starts to climb the foam stairs to find where Lian had disappeared to.

30 minutes later Tim was ready to quit. He was tired and wanted to sit down. How did Lian still have so much energy? She was still running around the play area, shouting at Tim to hurry up and even dragging him along. Tim tried to go at her pace but it was hard, this body was not used to pushing itself past it’s limit and now he was super tired and surprisingly wants a nap.

Letting Lian go on ahead up the foam stairs he heads back to the table where the others are. He walks slowly now finding his feet are beginning to hurt. He makes it back to the table and stands behind Kon before leaning against his lower back. Kon jumps slightly from the touch, he turns around to find Tim there and smiles at him, “You okay?”

“How does she have that much energy? She’s like a battery or something.” Tim comments.

Kon laughs at him, “She worn you out has she?”

“Yes.”

That’s when Lian appears once again, “Timmy why did you leave? We still have yet to go in the ball pool.” She whines at him, she leans forward and grabs his hand and starts to pull him away from Kon, “Come on!”

Someone takes pity on Tim and speaks up, “Hey munchkin, why don’t you and I go play in the ball pool. Timmy here needs a rest, you’ve worn him all out.”

Lian let’s go of Tim and turns to Jason, “Yes please, let’s go Uncle Jay.”

Jason gets up and starts to follow Lian towards the children’s play area, but when he gets a few steps away from the table he stops in his tracks and turns back facing the table. After a few seconds he’s moving towards the table, he goes around it until he’s behind Damian and in a quick swift movement he has the teen up and over his shoulder like he’s a sack of potatoes.

“Todd! Put me down this instance!” Damian demands trying to wiggle out of Jason’s grip as the man heads for the children’s play area.

“Come on demon, you could use some fun.”

They hear Lian giggling her head off at the display and even Jon let out a laugh in amusement. Jon gets up from the table and follows them into the play area. Once they have all disappeared from view Tim tugs at Kon’s t-shirt to get his attention again, when the meta looks down Tim raises his arms up in a childlike fashion for Kon to pick him up. Kon’s hands wrap around his waist and lift him up, after a moment Tim’s arranged so his straddling Kon’s thighs and his head is against his chest.

Tim takes the position and leans heavily on Kon, the tiredness taking over his body. It doesn’t help when Kon starts threading his fingers through his hair and lightly massages his head. Tim sighs contently and lets him do it, he doesn’t know why but it feels so nice when it happens and he feels himself drifting off at his motions.

Tim snaps out of his dosing state when another voice speaks up, “Hey guys I am so sorry that I am super late. To be honest I wasn’t even sure if you’d be here at all or not but thankfully you are.”

Tim turns around to see Dick settling in a seat next to Roy, he was looking around obviously trying to find the where the others are. As if reading his mind Roy speaks up, “They’re in the ball pit if you’re wondering. Lian. Jason Damian and Jon.”

Dick smiles, “Ah okay.” Dick then looks over and sees Tim’s sat in Kon’s lap, “Didn’t fancy joining them Timmy?” He asks.

Tim hears, as well as feel, Kon laugh, “Lian’s already worn him out from playing in there for half an hour.”

Dick lets out a laugh after and Tim mumbles a shut up but that seems to encourage the man even more. “If you’ve still got the energy Tim I have a promise to keep, once I’ve had some food we’ll go on a few rides together.”

Tim feels himself smile at his words, he hadn’t forgot after all. Tim nods in agreement and Dick beams at him, “Brilliant! I’m going to get some food.”

By the time Dick had finished eating his food everyone else had returned from the ball pool. Comments were made and laughs were shared throughout it. For the most part Tim dosed on Conner as his body was still recovering from the time he spent running around after Lian.

“Anyway, what are we going to do now that Goldie is here?” Jason asks looking at everyone.

“Well I was going to go with Tim around the park for a bit, just the two of us as I promised him earlier we would.” Dick says.

Jon jumps in after him, “Conner can we go together and ride Space Mountain?”

Tim feels Kon shrug, “Sure, I don’t see why not.”

“Awesome let’s go!” Jon gets up from the table and starts bouncing excitedly.

Kon laughs, “Alright kid, calm down.” He gently picks Tim up and places him on the floor, he then crouches down so they’re nearly eye level, “You okay with me going?”

“Go have fun with your brother.” Tim smiles at him and Kon grins as he stands up. Once stood Jon was quick to grab his hand and start to pull him away. Tim walks around the table and stands next to Dick, who was already rising to his feet. Dick bends down and picks him up and places Tim on his hip.

“So we’ll catch you guys later, have fun!” Dick says as he walks away from the table.

Dick doesn’t put Tim down for a good 20 minutes. Tim doesn’t mind, it saves him walking around because he still feels tired even after his light nap on Kon from earlier. After walking around for a while they find a bench and settle down on it.

“So, how you doing Timmy?” Dick asks looking at him.

Tim swings his feet backwards and forwards from where they hand over the edge of the bench, “I’m okay.” He answers.

Dick smiles at him, “Yeah? I guess that’s good then. How’s Conner dealing with this situation?”

“He’s trying,” Tim tells him, “I think me being this age has made him realise that he wants kids. A few times I’ve caught him with this dreamy look on his face like he’s imaging the future or something, but he’s doing what he can.”

“Think he’s father material?” Dick asks looking amused.

“I think he is yeah, can’t say the same for myself however.”

Dick leans over and ruffles his hair, “Awww Timmy…” He coos out.

“Dick!” Tim exclaims and tries to bat the mans hands away, that just encourages Dick more. Tim finds himself getting dragged along the bench and pulled into Dick’s lap, before he could do anything Dick was running his fingers all over his sides and underneath his armpits and Tim couldn’t contain the squeal of laughter that bubbled up inside of him.

Once Dick was done tickling him, Tim was out of breath and his face was hurting from smiling so much. Dick stands up and picks him up. Placing Tim on his hip he says, “Come on, we’ll get a few rides in by the time the park closes. Oh by the way I love your shirt.”

Tim looks down at his shirt and sees the Wonder Woman pattern on it, “Yeah, Kon picked it up. It was either this or Superman.”

Dick barks out a laugh, “Brilliant, how the hell did he manage to get you in those? Do you have a batman one?” Tim chooses not to comment; however his silence gives Dick the answer he’s looking for. The man let’s out a gasp before laughing, “Oh you do! that’s brilliant! We’ll have to get you in that around the Manor at some point.”

“Shut up.” Tim pouts.

They walk around until Dick comes up to a ride, Tim looks up at Dick with a questioning look, “The carousel?”

Dick looks at him wide eyed, “Yes the carousel, it’ll be fun.”

Dick moves over to where the queue was supposed to be but fortunately it was empty and they managed to get straight onto the ride. They walk around the ride and Dick chooses them a horse to sit on, he picks up Tim and places him on the horses back, then he’s lifting himself up onto it right behind him. Tim feels Dick getting in close and he leans back into the man’s chest, Dick’s arms come up and grab the pole in front of them and effectively boxes Tim in so he can’t fall off.

Soon enough the ride starts up and cheerful music begins to play in the background. Slowly, their horse goes up and down and the ride starts to spin around, after a few times around it begins to pick up speed on the spinning.

It’s not the most exciting ride he’s been on but when he looks up at Dick and sees a huge smile on his brother’s face, Tim couldn’t help but smile too. After that the ride was a lot lighter and Tim enjoyed it a little more. It ends after 3 minutes or so, the horses stop moving and the spinning slows down to a halt. Once given the all clear Dick get’s off the horse first and then helps Tim off it and they make their way to the exit.

As they walk in another direction Dick says, “I love those rides, they always remind me of Haley’s, you know, the horses, the bright colours and cheerful music.”

Tim looks up at Dick and sends him a smile, no wonder he wanted to go on it then. Dick looks down and then squints at Tim. When he doesn’t look away Tim begins to feel uncomfortable under his gaze, “Dick?”

Dick draws back, “Sorry, but I’ve just realised that you would have been this height when you came to Hayley’s. You really are small.”

Tim pouts at the last comment, “Thanks, and yeah more or less, but remember you weren’t that tall when you were in Hayley’s either.”

Dick lets out a laugh and shrugs, “I’m okay with that,” He reaches down and grabs Tim’s hand, “Now come on, there’s another ride I want to take you on.”

Tim let’s Dick drag him along, though he has to take twice as many steps as the man because of his tiny legs making it difficult to keep up. By the time they get to the ride Dick wants to go on Tim’s all worn out again, he curses his current body for not having enough stamina. Looking at where they are Tim sees elephant shaped planes going around in circles.

Dick leads him through the entrance and over to where the line is. They don’t have to wait long as the ride that was going on comes to a stop. Once all the people have left they were allowed on, Dick leads him around the ride and goes to an empty elephant. Like with the carousal, Dick picks him up and places him in the elephant and then gets in himself. They strap up and wait for the ride to start.

A few minutes later the ride starts and Tim instantly sees people shoot up into the air, unexpectantly at that point the elephant they’re in goes shooting upwards and Tim lets out a yelp at the sudden movement. Next to him Dick was laughing. “Not funny.” Tim tells him.

That’s how most of the ride went, with Dick randomly changing their height. Tim won’t lie and say that it didn’t give him a bit of a thrill but it was just as annoying. He went from watching everything around him to watching Dick’s hand on the small lever that controlled their height, in the end he pushed Dick’s hand off it and took control of it himself.

Eventually the ride slows down and comes to a stop and Dick and Tim exit it. They walk out and head in a random direction, that’s when a cheerful tune rings out of Dick’s pocket. They stop walking and Dick brings out his phone and answers it.

A few moments later Dick’s hanging up and grinning down at Tim, “Right Baby Bird, apparently Lian is now out for the count, the day’s finally caught up on her and I’m willing to bet that you won’t be far behind either. We’ve arranged for everyone to meet at the entrance so we can get going, we’ve got one more night in the hotel then first thing tomorrow we head back for the Manor.”

“Sounds like a plan,” Tim says looking up at him.

“Glad you approve,” Dick smiles back.

Before Dick could walk off Tim lifts his arms up in the ‘pick me up’ fashion. Dick watches him with an amused expression before rolling his eyes and bending down to pick him up. He places Tim on his hip and Tim leans his head on Dick’s shoulder as the man begins to walk in the direction of the entrance.

“Thanks for keeping your promise,” Tim mumbles to him, once again he feels the tiredness taking over him.

Tim feels a hand come up to his head and as it starts to stroke his hair, “Of course Timmy, sorry I was late.”

“That’s okay.”

He has no idea how long it had been but suddenly he finds that they’ve made it to the entrance where everyone was already waiting. Jon was excitedly talking to Kon, Roy and Jason, Lian was fast asleep in Roy’s arms, Jason was holding the giant teddy bear in his arms and was wearing the Green Lantern cap that Kon had brought earlier on and Damian stood just to the side not interacting with anyone.

They reach the group and Dick bends down to place Tim on the floor, which Tim wasn’t pleased about but he uses the opportunity to walk over to Kon. He finds the meta standing there smiling at him as he approaches, “Hey, have fun?”

“I did, did you?” Tim asks back. When Kon nods he finally sees the bag that he’s holding. Pointing to it he asks, “What’s that?”

“Oh, I went back to that superhero shop that we went into and brought a few things.”

Tim rolls his eyes at that, god knows what Kon has brought.

“Right shall we get going?” Dick calls out to the group. Everyone then started to pile out of the entrance. They make their way back to the hotel and then all separate according to where their rooms are located. They made arrangements to meet early in the morning hence why they’ve called it an early night.

Tim doesn’t really pay attention to anything. The walk from the park to the hotel Kon had been carrying him, then once inside the hotel room he allowed Kon to get him ready as he didn’t really have the energy to do himself. Soon enough he found himself curled up under the covers on the bed of their room in his pyjamas and just about ready to fall asleep. He doesn’t submit to sleep until Kon was in the bed with him, once he was Tim curls into Kon’s side and soaks up the heat coming off him and then he allows himself to finally go to sleep.

Everything in the morning was a blur, from packing their things to traveling to the airport to then getting on the jet and flying home. The travel takes up most of the morning and they end up having breakfast on the plane. They spend most of their time sharing different stories of the previous day and having a laugh about what gag gifts they’ve each brought for people.

Once they were in Gotham it was then traveling from the airport and back to the Manor and by mid-afternoon they finally make it back to the Manor.

Dick’s the first one up the steps, getting the keys he opens the door and heads in first. Everyone else follows him, they pile in the hallway and dump all of their things on the floor. From where he was standing Dick stretches, “Home sweet home,” he comments.

“Indeed, home sweet home.” A new voice speaks out.

Everyone shares a wide-eyed look before looking in the direction to where the voice came from. Standing there in an expensive suit with hands in his pockets was the famous Bruce Wayne.

“Care to tell me what’s going on?”

#Tiny Tim #part ten #timkon #Tim Drake #Kon-El #dick grayson #Jason Todd #roy harper #lian harper #disney world #fanfiction

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monkeymindscream · 6 years

Note

Same Mandarin leader anon (which btw thank you very much for the detailed response. It made me look at things in a whole new light that made a lot of sense. Particularly made me appreciate even more Chiro being their link to a greater sense of humanity and in general). Since you were strictly trying to keep to what the show offered only, what are your headcanons/theories about that time regarding Mandarin and the team? Go crazy. =)

Don’t have to ask me twice!!

Literally my biggest headcanon for when Mandarin wasleading the team is that I don’t think he was actually evil at that point. Imean tbh I don’t think he’s (completely) evil after his time leading the Team; he definitely does a lot of evil things – in fact if we go off onlywhat’s seen in-show he’s even more monstrous than even Skeleton King himself –but I personally think that’s more the result of him being a deeply flawed individual rather thanfrom him being inherently malicious.

As I’ve said, I don’t think Antauri was just being optimistic when he said Mandarinhad once had a “good heart.” All other flaws aside, Antauri is incredibly perceptive, and I feelimplying that his character will overlook the bad to focus on the good is doinghim a huge disservice. Also wouldn’t it technically be oxymoronic if he was overlooking the bad to focus on thegood? Considering at that very moment he was also going on about how he sure he was that Chiro would be swayed by Mandarin, I mean? I find it more likely in this case that,while Antauri would have been awarethat Mandarin had… problems, let’scall it (otherwise we’ll be here all day), he’d have been able to see pastthose to the person(/monkey) he actually was underneath. It’s just thatunfortunately those problems were too much to for Mandarin to overcome, andthus began his downward spiral.

Adding to this, we’ve got the moment where Sprxsays “the kid is nothing like Mandarin.” Nothing is said to dispute this; thecamera simply cuts to Antauri and Otto who both look skeptical, which to meactually says more than any line of dialogue ever could.

Breaking it down, they could have cut to Mandarin and Chiro right after Sprx’s line. Infact considering the next shot we see of Chiro has him wearing both Mandarin’sold helmet and armor, they could have easily used it as a joke. “He’s nothinglike Mandarin!” *cut to Chiro straight-up jacking his style* ha ha funny. Butthey didn’t. The fact that theyincluded a shot of the characters just reacting to what was said, anddisbelievingly at that, draws attention to it in a way that makes the nextscene seem completely separate. Sprx’s line isn’t being used as a segue. Theinclusion of Otto in that shot is also interesting, considering his was thefirst one to speak out againstAntauri’s suspicions against Chiro.

Overall from a meta-standpoint it doesn’t makesense for the writers to have Antauri make this statement if there was nomeaning behind it.

I’d also like to point out that Antauri isn’t theonly one comparing Chiro and Mandarin. Freakin’ Skeleton King kind of did it too. Snidely, granted, but whenMandarin’s like “I’m keeping the kid feck off” SK asks him if it’s because heviews Chiro as a “reflection of himself.” You can interpret that as himsuggesting that Mandarin viewshimself as similar to Chiro (which is how I take it, tbh) rather than SK makingthe comparison, but I figured I’d point it out anyway. Food for thought.

“But Mandarin’s always been a jerk!” I hear someof you cry. “We were only ever shown him being horrible! And what about all thethings he did after he betrayed the Team, how can you defend that?!” Well firstoff, Phantom-Voices-From-Nowhere, I’m not “defending” anything. I’m saying thatI can make the argument that Mandarin isn’t evil,just fucked up on a number of levels. Second off, behold my counterpoints.

Prior to being booted off the Team, we’re onlydirectly shown two examples of how Mandarin might have behaved: the trainingroom incident with Nova, and how he behaved under the Alchemists care. With theAlchemist, we saw him both growl and Sprx and Nova, and then make the DarkOne’s containment grid malfunction. With the Sprx and Nova thing we couldconceivably attribute his behavior to the fact that the Alchemist had just toldthem to calm down, and they hadn’t. Any of y’all have younger siblings? You everdo the “Mom/Dad told you to (insertwhatever they’d said to do here)!” –thingin an effort to score brownie points? I did. I did that frequently. I was acomplete nark. Look me in the eye and tell me you can’t picture Mandarin beinga nark in his youthier years. Or maybe he was just annoyed by the racket theywere making and snapped (I did that alot too). Both are perfectly non-evil explanations for his behavior. Dick-moves,but not evil.

As for the grid thing… okay, tell me honestly, ifyou found out that a scientist hadlet a bunch of monkeys run rampant around his work station, and it resulted inone of them getting him seriously hurt, would your first thought be “oh my Godthat monkey is such an asshole!”? Or would it be “well what the hell did you think was gonna happen dumbass??” I loveya Al but this was poor planning on your part. I’m surprised you lived longenough to even be possessed by a Dark One in the first place tbh.

The Nova-thing is, let’s all agree, one of thedickiest moves anyone’s ever committed in the show, and it’s mind-bogglingalmost to the point of actually being impressive that the same monkey somehowmanaged to top it later. But I have never been of the mind that it was done forthe sake of sadism. Because okay, we’re never explicitly told that Nova hatesthe cold because of the training roomincident. We’re told that that’s why she has to control her anger. It still makes sense that thecold would now make her temper touchier than usual (poor girl’s probablytraumatized), but it seems more likely that Nova had always had an intensehatred of the cold, to the point where it debilitated her at least slightlywhenever the Team had to go on missions in cold climates. Not to the point towhere she couldn’t function in it, but enough where she wasn’t at peakperformance.

EVIDENCE: Regardless of her hatred of the cold,she is, as stated, still able to function in it. Apart from repeatedly voicingher discomfort, her rage being amped up is the only reaction we see her havetowards it. Given the extent to which the training room incident clearlyaffected her (so much as referencing it, even vaguely, is enough to make her and the rest of the Team stop dead), Ikind of feel that she’d have a more visceral reaction to the cold if the reasonshe hated it was because it had become a trigger for what happened. So if thiswas a problem before everything went pear-shaped, I can see Mandarin – after aseveral instances of going “come ON woman, get it together!!” – being like“Okay yeah no we’re not doing this anymore. Nova come down to the training roomlater we’re ironing this out tonight this is getting ridiculous.” Because he’s Mandarin and he has the sensitivity of amalfunctioning chainsaw, so of course immersiontherapy is the way to go (you absolute fucking walnut). Again, not evil, justan asshole.

Also, regardless of what I said here, another headcanon I have is that he did care about the Team, if only in hisown demented way. I mean I stand by what I said about him using/enjoying theposition’s ability to give him power, and I’d have to be snorting somethinghardcore to believe that a considerable portion of his motivation in-showwasn’t vengeance, but there ain’t no damn way that he didn’t have any emotional investment in the Teamitself. I made a tiny post that pointed outtrace evidence of this, but basically when it comes out that Ma and Pa Cinco arecrazy cult people, Mandy’s clone, upon seeing how upset Chiro is, sneers athim: “I see Antauri hasn’t taught you life’s first lesson: trust no one.”

Like… where the hell did that even come from??Why did he specifically pick Antauri to be teaching Chiro that “lesson”? I meanyou could argue it was because Antauri is Cheerio’s mentor, but wouldn’t heknow that Antauri’s the kind of person who’d teach the exact opposite of that message (and does, at the end of the same episode)? Isthere literally any other way to interpret this than he feels that Antauri (andby extension, the rest of the Team) taught himthat lesson when they threw him in the HOOP? I’m genuinely asking here, I’m inso deep I can’t even tell anymore.

Anyway what I’m getting at is that if the Team did teach Mandarin to “trust no one”with what they did, then it implies that he did, in fact, trust them.Apparently to such a degree that he decided that if they couldn’t be trusted, then noone could.

(Or y’know alternatively this was his solely his clone speaking, and doesn’t necessarily completelyreflect the original’s current views. Basically like “Look where trustingpeople got him. That’s not going to be me. I’m smarter than that.” Either wayit still suggests the original to have held some degree of trust for the rest.)

And I just realized how long this response is getting. I have a lot more to say, and I’mnot entirely certain I stuck to topic and didn’t just ramble for 2+ pages, soif you want me to continue or would like a more specific opinion on anything,just shoot me another ask. Thanks for sticking with this longass thing if yougot all the way to the bottom here!

#srmthfg #Mandarin #muttering about monkeys #Anonymous

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crumblingautumnleaves · 7 years

Text

Too Far

Requested by: Anonymous

Summary: The boys unintentionally hurt the reader’s feelings after making some careless jokes.

Pairing(s): MET x Reader

Warnings: Swearing, a lil bit of angst but ultimately a happy ending (spoilers).

“What would grandma find disturbing, yet oddly charming?” Mark asked the three of you, waggling his eyebrows in a comical manner.

You scanned your cards before sliding your best into the centre along with Ethan’s and Tyler’s. Kathryn was watching from the sidelines, desperate to get some extra work done, whilst Amy was in bed ill. That just left you and the troublesome trio to record the entire live stream; not that you were complaining, they were your best friends after all.

“Okay,” Mark announced, picking up the cards in front of him. “A big, black dick. Geese. Or...” He trailed off and you suppressed a smirk as you watched his face scrunch into a grin at your card. “Mark’s unquenchable thirst for Jacksepticeye’s delicious asshole.”

The boys roared with laughter and, in turn, you laughed at their reactions. Mark had one hand clutched to his chest as he tried to control his giggles, whilst Ethan was slamming his fists on the table. Even Tyler had one of those rare, toothy smiles on his face as he chuckled alongside them.

“That’s obviously the winner.” Mark managed to get out after his laughing fit, holding up the card for someone to take it.

“Thank you, although it was Mark-luverrr-number-one-xxx that wrote that card.” You declared, plucking the black card from his fingers and adding it to your growing pile of winnings.

“Your turn to pick one, Y/N.” Tyler told you, pushing the cards across to you.

You chose another fan written one and groaned. “What does Y/N do to stay in shape?”

“Y/N? In shape? Please, I saw them get a stitch from running down the stairs too fast.” Ethan laughed and you playfully hit him on the shoulder.

“Just gimme a card so I can judge it.” You nagged him and he stuck his tongue out in retaliation, finally handing you a white card. Tyler and Mark played theirs and you spread them out in front of you. “Ethan’s dying YouTube career. Vigorous jazz hands. Or projectile vomiting.” You studied the cards before picking the ‘Vigorous jazz hands’ card and handing it back to Ethan.

“Yay, I won!” He hollered. “Although I didn’t appreciate the dig at my channel.”

“Ethan, you have three hundred thousand subscribers. That’s great, man.” Mark reassured him, placing a hand on the younger man’s shoulder. “And only about ninety percent of them came from me, be proud.”

“You fucker.”

“Ethan’s right,” Tyler cut in. “He got a few from Jack too.”

“At least I have a real channel, Tyler.” Ethan shot back. “Go on, what else were you gonna mock me for? My acne? The fact that I’m copying every major YouTuber ever? That I moved from Maine to work here?”

The other two boys sat in silence, trying to think of something else to say.

“It could be worse,” Mark said after a while. “You could be Y/N. How many subs have you got, Y/N?”

“Forty thousand.” You grumbled. YouTube was always a sensitive topic between you three, the amount of subs you had compared to your best friends was slightly insulting and you kept finding yourself wondering why your channel was so much more insignificant.

“Now, aren’t you grateful that Mama Mark got you so many subscribers?” Mark asked Ethan.

“I’m clearly not the one who needs help.” Ethan remarked, nodding towards you.

“You’re right!” Mark cried, facing the camera that had been rolling the entire time. “Whoever is watching this, go subscribe to Y/N, they’re not that bad at making videos. Well, they are, but their ideas are original. Expect the gaming, the commentary and the overall theme of it. But yeah, check it out.”

“Gee, thanks Mark.” You mutter sarcastically, trying and failing not to take it personally.

“Sorry, that was uncalled for.” He admitted. “I didn’t mean to insult your channel.”

“Right, he was just wondering why he’s friends with you when you don’t get him extra views.” Tyler joked.

“Exactly. Why do you think Ethan hangs out with me?” Mark agreed, nudging the blue-haired boy playfully.

“Go ahead, you’ve made so many jokes about my career and acne that I’m immune to it.” He challenged.

“Crap, he’s right.” Mark said. “But if we really want to make jokes about physical appearance then we can just rip on Y/N again. Their whole face is one big joke.”

Shock consumed you as you struggled to blink back the tears that were fighting to escape. You couldn’t believe that one of your closest friends had gone there, especially after you had confided in him about your insecurities.

“What’s wrong, Y/N? The weight of reality finally setting in?” Tyler asked, commenting on your silence.

“Dude, not even the weight of reality can compare to Y/N’s weight.” Ethan laughed.

That did it.

“Excuse me,” you whispered, standing up and practically running out of the room. You covered your face with one hand so that neither the camera nor the boys saw the tears flowing down your cheeks.

Locking yourself in the bathroom, you let out a loud sob that triggered several more until your throat hurt and your eyes stung. You glared at yourself in the mirror, scrutinising every part of yourself that you hated. Finally, you wiped away any traces of tears and took a deep breath before exiting the bathroom. However, you got the wind knocked out of you when you immediately walked into something solid on the other side of the door. Looking up, you realised you had crashed straight into Tyler’s chest as he and the other two stood waiting for you with concerned looks on their faces.

“Hey, Y/N, you okay?” Ethan asked softly.

“We wanted to check on you but decided to wait until you were finished in there to apologise.” Tyler added.

You glared at them, hurt sketched across your features. Mark stepped forwards slowly and wrapped his arms around you cautiously, as if you could shatter like glass at any second.

“I’m really sorry about what I said,” he apologised. “We all are. We realise we shouldn’t have made fun of you, even if it was just a joke. It was tactless and we want to make it up to you.”

“You know, I normally wouldn’t care if you make jokes about me,” you admitted. “But what you said is true. I’m constantly afraid that you’re going to cut me out because I’m not as successful as you. And what you said about my looks, well, that just hurt.”

“Are you kidding? Y/N you’re our friend, we couldn’t care less about how many subscribers you have.” Mark reassured you. “And as for your looks, you’re the only one that sees anything besides the smoking hot piece of ass you really are.” He paused before grimacing at what he had just said. “I kinda regret saying that, but you see my point.”

“Thanks, guys,” you mumbled, a small smile tugging at your lips. “I’m sorry I left in the middle of the live stream.”

“Don’t worry about it, you are our main priority. We turned the microphone off as soon as you walked out. Right now it’s just showing Chica sleeping in her bed, the viewers love it.” Tyler told you with a grin.

“So do you want to continue with the stream or should we wrap it up?” Ethan queried.

“No, let’s carry on. I’ll be fine.” You told them, walking back to the table and scratching Chica behind the ears as she woke up from the commotion.

Mark switched the mic back on and apologised for the brief intermission before explaining that you were okay and everything had been resolved.

“And I just want to say in all seriousness that you should check out their channel. I have never known anyone more dedicated to their work, or as passionate about the community as Y/N. We’re all extremely grateful to have them in our lives.” He concluded.

You beamed at him, silently thanking him, before announcing that you should get back to the games.

A few hours later, you had quite possibly destroyed your friendship with the boys in Monopoly as you counted their money and stacked it into neat little piles.

“This is ridiculous, Y/N has all the good spots.” Ethan whined after landing on your square again.

“What can I say? Taking money from men is my speciality.” You say with a smile.

“That makes you sound like a hooker.” Mark laughed.

“Nah, hookers can get laid.” Tyler joked with a wink, resulting in a rude response from you as you struggled to hide the smile that had formed on your face.

“And there goes the last of my cash.” Ethan grumbled.

"Dolla dolla bills, y'all." You cheer, making it rain with their money. “I win, bitches.”

“Congratulations,” Mark drawled. His phone buzzed and he read the notification on the screen. “It’s Amy, she says to check your YouTube account.”

You frown before pulling it up on your own mobile. Everything looked normal except... wait.

“Holy shit!” You cried, clapping a hand over your mouth in shock.

“What is it?” Tyler feigned ignorance, but the smirk on his face suggested he already knew what was going on.

“Four hundred THOUSAND subscribers! I have four hundred thousand subscribers!” You screamed, grabbing the boys and pulling them into a group hug.

“You have more than me? Ouch, that hurts.” Ethan joked, holding a hand to his heart.

“Shut up, Ethan.” Mark scolded, turning back to you. “You deserve every single one of those subs and more. I just wish it didn’t take all this for people to figure that out. Including us.”

You beamed at him, tears springing to your eyes again, only this time you were crying for a different reason. “Thank you, I love you three idiots so much.” You told them. “But just so you know, once I’m Internet famous, I’ll have no use for you.”

“Ouch.”

“Rude.”

“So true though.”

#met x reader #x reader #youtube x reader #crankgameplays x reader #ethan nestor #ethan nestor x reader #tyler scheid x reader #Tyler Scheid #apocalypto_12 #markiplier x reader #mark fischbach x reader #mark fischbach

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gingervsblondie · 5 years

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Blondie Takes a Vacation (1939)

1:59 AM, Sunday, 22 September 2019

ALRIGHT LET’S GO BLONDIE 3

2:04

Dagwood said Blondie’s new “vacation hat,” which looks like a dropped ice cream cone on a wicker basket, “scared him,” and now she’s run off crying.

That is currently the conflict in Blondie Takes a Vacation.

That’s where we’re at.

Just thought you should know.