#the fact that people like them and are talking about them will never stop being absolutely mindblowing to me

[foldingfittedsheets]

I’ve been fired exactly once in my life. In my early twenties I was working at a pizza place. The pizzas were artisanal, thin crust and personal. They’re a huge chain now but when I first started the company was in its infancy. It was the wild west of management, and the core investors would frequently stop by to check on things. One of these people was this round little man with rage issues. A knock off Danny Devito with no charisma at all.

His favorite thing to do was to come in on a Friday or Saturday night. We'd be at our stations: taking orders, making pizza, manning the oven, finishing orders off, running the cash register. He'd shove his way onto the line and start rearranging people. "You, get off orders and work the cash register, you come over and make the pizzas!" With a line of customers snaking out the door he'd throw off all our grooves and rattle us.

Then, inevitably, a mistake would happen.

When it did he'd call the person over and say, "Hey c'mere. You're fired." Just like that. No inflection, just a flat "You're fired." It was absolutely a power kink, and because of his involvement the average turn over was three months. You were a veteran at five months.

One night there was only three of us manning the front. I took an order than went to the cash register to ring them out before I made the pizza. This horrible man watched that then called me into the back. I didn't know if I was about to be fired. But I wasn't. In fact, he had one other move besides firing people. He yelled.

In the back he absolutely lost his mind screaming at me for being on the cash register. I'm talking veins popping, spit flying, red with rage, this man just started bellowing nonsensically about where I should be and how I was just such a failure. It was truly like his brain had shut off, nothing he was saying even made sense. I stood there in the face of this tirade for a minute and then set a record for being the first person to ever cut him short by bursting into tears.

He instantly stopped yelling and it was like Jekyll and Hyde. He was remorseful and consoling, deeply embarrassed by my display of emotion. All my male coworkers just took the abuse but faced with my weeping he about faced and instantly backed off. I went outside to cry and when I came back in he pretended it had never happened.

That was the state of things. The investors knew they desperately needed to keep this man out of the stores, but they couldn't just give him the boot. They needed to move him aside and fill his position with someone. The store manager was this lovely woman who had hired me on the spot at my interview. The entire staff adored her. She was the best fit to get this roided out investor out of the stores for good.

Her replacement was this man called Anthony. He was instantly loathed by the entire staff. Condescending, critical, and lazy he started off his reign by letting go a core lead who "back talked." He spent a whole morning berating the opening crew because the closing crew (who had sold 100 more pizzas than we were even supposed to have on hand) had forgotten to windex the doors. He left the entire crew to close without him while he flirted with a girl who wasn't his pregnant girlfriend. He hired his roommate to replace the lead he fired and even that guy hated his guts.

Our antipathy toward him made him paranoid and resentful and one by one he started finding excuses to fire the whole staff, certain that if he could clean house he'd be able to do the job. My time came, and he sat me down with his boss, my former manager. She cried as he announced I wasn't personable enough and used too many pepperonis.

I looked at her, the woman who had trained me on how many pepperoni to use, but she said nothing. What could she say? He was the boss now and had determined I was going to be let go regardless. Too many in this case was seven. Seven pepperonis on a personal pizza. The correct number was five according to him, which is one pepperoni per slice, and one in the middle.

I sat there for a moment, taking it in. I smiled at my old manager, obviously miserable. I looked back at him and said, "You're a terrible manager, you're doing the worst imaginable job." I outlined some of the things he'd done so she could hear them, then I stood up and left. I made it to the back room before I started crying.

I found out later through a bus boy that he replaced the whole staff with college kids who had such limited availability that the store couldn't run, then quit three months later leaving the whole place in shambles. Most of the old staff returned, but I'd moved onto the sex shop already and was enjoying a job with significantly less risk of being fired on a whim.

However I do have to disclose on job applications if I've ever been fired. I always says yes and list the reason as, "Excessive use of pepperoni." It has never failed to get a laugh from my interviewer.

#ramblies #ffs foibles #funny #story #writing #pizza #fired

[thekeeperof-thefandoms]

Alastor's reaction to "Bitch, what's for dinner?!"

There is no way in Heaven or Hell this man is every saying this to you. He'd be terrified of his Mama hearing him from Heaven and coming down to reinstill the fear of God into him. Wooden spoons and switches hurt when wielded by a righteously angry woman. Not that his mother hit him often (his father did more than enough).

And you value your life and your relationship with him to try it. In fact, it probably doesn't even cross your mind to test it.

You're not even sure why it's trending. It is a really sweet video and highlights the lingering effects of abuse, but for people to recreate the video is odd to you. I mean, maybe not, because you see a lot of cosplay under the sound, and you'd be lying if you didn't agree with some of the ships being perfect for this audio. But like, you don't want to recreate it with Alastor.

So how would it come up?

Well, you and Alastor are sitting together, it's later in the evening, he's reading his paper and listening to radio and you are sitting quietly beside him, phone volume and brightness on low so you can watch a few videos, the compromise you made with Alastor about technology being near him.

The sound comes across your feed paired with yet another couple re-enacting it and from the corner of your eyes you see Alastor's ear twitch as the door slams on the video and the man shouts at his girlfriend.

The second she responds with the timid "grilled cheese" his head snaps towards your phone, the video glitches, and your phone shuts off (at least he's stopped breaking them).

"How distateful. And to be comfortable with others seeing him behave so brutishly. Clearly, men today need to be taught manners, their poor mothers. What an embarrassment to have your child turn out so disappointing."

You lean against him and pat his arm.

"If you'd have waited until the end, you'd see it's just a trend. People yell this at their partners to see how they'll react, if they take that abuse or not, and if they do, they always reassure them to never let anyone speak to them that way. I think it's supposed to be cute and supportive."

Alastor rolls his eyes, muttering about how nonsensical that is. You get your phone working again and decide to put on a true crime podcast to listen to before getting up. It's your turn to make dinner, so Alastor's your helper and dishwasher tonight. You wait for him to finish his page, set his paper aside and stand, his arm going gently aroind your waist as you two stroll to the kitchen.

He stops in the entryway and turns to you.

"For the record, I should hope I would never stoop so low as to treat you that way, but if I do, or if something I say or do truly upsets you or harms you....please do not refrain from telling me."

You laugh and kiss his cheek. "Just telling you? Usually those videos end with their parnters granting permission for their partner to slap them."

Alastor chuckles. "If you feel it's necessary. Though I'd prefer we just talk."

"I'd prefer that too. And same goes for you, always tell me if I've crossed a line."

"Of course, my dear. Now, I'll demonstrate the proper way to phrase that question."

He takes your hand dramatically, lifts it to kiss the back of it, and guides you fully into the kitchen. "What are we making for dinner, mon cher?"

#hazbin hotel x reader #hazbin hotel alastor #alastor x reader

[gabessquishytum]

Dream has been hearing rumors (those biddies love to gossip about Dream's family) that Orpheus has gotten into an inappropriate relationship. Something, something "sugar baby", something, something f*cking an older man.

Dream doesn't want to interfere in Orpheus's life, but the Endless family, and Dream himself, have money, not as much as in their storied past, but enough that Orpheus doesn't have to whore out his young ass for money.

Dream isn't even judging, he just want his son not to make mistakes similar to the ones that Dream made in his youth. Dream knows how seductive those older men can be....hell Dream is still young himself (not a twink anymore certainly, but Dream had Orpheus young, so he doesn't look like the father of a college student.).

Suffice to say, Dream learns the name of the man supposedly paying for Orpheus's ass and goes to see him, maybe he can warn him off Orpheus. R. Gadling has something like 10 or 15 years on Dream, hopefully Dream can get him to see reason.

💶 💶 💶 💶 💶

Hob would have liked it to be known, if he was interested in talking to those judgmental society b*tches, that he does not need to pay a young man for sex. Thank you very much. He might like to take care of his lovers, but so far he draws the line at 30-year age differences. He is not that much of a creeper.

Orpheus is a fantastic young man, a musical prodigy, and Hob knows some people in the industry. All he did was offer introductions, that Orpheus, with his gift, would have most likely developed on his own, in time. He is not sleeping with a boy young enough to be his son,,,his son Robin introduced them for goodness sake!

When Orpheus's father comes to Hob is high dungeon, judgingly talking about inappropriate relationships and all but screaming at Hob, in his beautiful deep voice, for Hob to stop sleeping with his son -- Hob might have fallen in love on the spot. Blush high on his cheeks, hair a mess, looking like he just woke up from a good f*ck, Hob wanted to bite.

And mess with him a little,,,,,Hob offered (jokingly he thought) to stop sleeping with Orpheus if his father took his place in Hob's bed. He was expecting more yelling, not Morpheus Endless to say yes on the spot.

Oh Dream...... you poor little horny idiot. Trying so hard to be the best dad, but Orpheus is cringing SO hard.

Hob really was joking about exchanging Orpheus for Morpheus, and then Dream goes ahead and looks so sincere and so sexy... but Hob isn't a bad person (not anymore) so he sighs and explains that it was a joke. He's not fucking anyone right now, especially not Dream’s kid. He is in fact in the middle of a very long dry spell, and yes he might be going into too much detail now but at least Morpheus looks like he believes him. He sighs and smoothes down his hair and Hob is almost disappointed to see that anger fade away. Morpheus does at least blush prettily and say "call me Dream", so that's. A nice development.

And then Dream asks if Hob was joking about wanting to sleep with him, and if he thinks that Dream is too old to be a sugarbaby? Because he'd actually be willing to give it a try... And he says it in this teasing, flirty way that goes right to Hob’s dick. He's desperately hoping that his dryspell might finally be over. But he's going to have to pull out all the stops and really woo this delicious man.

Before Dream knows it, he's being whisked off to Hob’s box at the opera for a night of champagne and beautiful music. Hob explains that he doesn't take just anyone up to his box - only pretty boys that he really wants to spoil. Dream nearly melts into a puddle over being called a "boy". And yes, he's still relieved when Hob confirms that he never took Orpheus for a night at the opera.

Apparently Dream’s penchant for older guys really hasn't faded away, because he's getting butterflies whenever Hob puts a hand on his back to guide him, or orders their drinks with polite authority. If Orpheus was fucking Hob, then Dream would absolutely be fighting his own son tooth and nail over this man. Dream is embarrassed by his own horniness but not enough to stop - maybe he's doesn't actually need a sugar daddy, but he sure as hell WANTS this one <3

#reluctant1lady #the sandman #dreamling #nsft #cw age gap

[matan4il]

On Friday, during Passover, a terrorist attack took place in Israel. The terrorist attacked an 18 years old girl on the streets of Ramla, stabbed her in the back, leaving her seriously wounded, as he ran away. The girl was in the city visiting a friend, whose father and brother heard the girl's screams and chased the terrorist. The dad, a civilian with a personal weapon, neutralized the attacker. The girl's state has since improved, but she's still hospitalized.

There is footage of the terrorist chasing the young girl down the street, stabbing her in the back without even stopping, causing her to collapse to the ground, as he continues, and flees the scene.

The anti-Israel protests on college campuses in the west are horrifying to watch. They were bad enough when they started on Oct 8, while Israel wasn't even counting its dead yet, because we were still fighting terrorists invading our country and endangering our civilians, so Israel's army was still not free to do anything in Gaza, but these protests have somehow gotten so much worse. They've become more openly antisemitic (we've seen more and more people doing the Nazi salute, and using signs calling for a "final solution," the whitewashed Nazi term for their intended annihilation of all Jews):

They are now more openly calling for blood (in the past week or so, we've seen no calls for a ceasefire, instead we've heard chants to kill Zionists, to burn Tel Aviv, for Iran to fire rockets at Israel, meaning at its civilian population, and to globalize the intifada, a wave of anti-Israel terrorist attacks. During the second intifada alone, over 1,200 people in Israel were murdered). They've also become more physically violent, with more and more Jewish and pro-Israel people being assaulted, and even requiring medical care:

I've been seeing so much, and it's being talked about on the news here more than you can imagine. The presidents of Israeli universities even did something unprecedented, that they've never done during any of Israel's former conflicts, no matter how bad those got. After publishing repeated calls for foreign universities to fight antisemitism and protect their Jewish students, the presidents of Israeli universities have now published an open letter, lamenting that the problem might be beyond the capacity of university presidents abroad to solve, and addressing Jewish students, stating they have a safe space here, offering them any assistance with pursuing it.

The worst protests are in the US, at Ivy League universities of all places, but I've heard horrifying things about universities in Canada, France, Australia as well... I feel like I can't really do this subject justice in just one post, so if I only share with you one last thing about it, this following vid would be it, because it's bigger than just the protests, and at the same time, partly explains how so many people have been recruited into them. It's a typical example of how in this complex conflict, real facts (such as vids filmed on the ground) are often taken out of context and manipulated to present a simplistic narrative, in which Zionists (i.e the overwhelming majority of Jews) are presented as intrinsically violent and evil, while ignoring and even lying about the anti-Jewish violence at play:

Jews and Jewish allies abroad, please take care of yourselves! And don't let all the hate get to you... Just because there's a lot of them, doesn't mean they're right. Or even that they're the majority. They just give that impression by being more vocal than anyone else, and taking over public spaces, pushing everyone else out.

(for all of my updates and ask replies regarding Israel, click here)

#israel #antisemitism #israeli #israel news #israel under attack #israel under fire #terrorism #anti terrorism #hamas #antisemitic #antisemites #jews #jew #judaism #jumblr #frumblr #jewish #israelunderattack #resources #Instagram

[icedroppedinparasolcider]

Momoi Airi is a Trans Woman

This is headcanon at the end of the day and there's nothing wrong with disagreeing, but the way she's written regarding her sense of identity as an idol, the choice of phrasing they use when she talks about herself in reference to others (namely Shizuku), and the connections her visual motifs provide to concepts and other characters tied to or commonly seen as trans just makes it incredibly hard for me to view her otherwise.

A lot of what I have to say is very personal to me; I'm a trans woman myself, and Airi's writing and experiences connect with me and my own transition journey in a way I haven't really seen anywhere else in media (I'm not a very prolific media consumer). So it's entirely possible a lot of this is just me projecting onto a character I care a lot about. But while I've adored Airi before this revelation, I didn't reach the level of attachment I have for her until the realisation of just how well she's written through the lens of a trans girl. Specifically one who's, for the most part, entirely socially transitioned but keeping the fact she is trans secret.

When Airi was little, she was, as she herself describes, very boyish. She'd get into physical fights with boys around the neighbourhood or at school, she'd come home most days covered in dirt and mud from playing with her majority boy friend group of the time. She was intensely defensive of her little sister, most of her fights being with possibly bigger-than-her boys because they were mean to her sister. It formed a reputation for Airi, a reputation that followed her as she began to deviate from these patterns and pivot her interests and activities hard and fast thanks to starting to watch idols on TV. She was enamoured with them, would rewatch recordings of their performances and interviews over and over so she could emulate it and be more like them. She'd stop getting into fights, stop playing with her rougher friends; everything started changing dramatically thanks to her being introduced to a new "type" of woman: an idol. Something Airi wanted to become, and was willing to change everything about her to be.

These changes weren't socially easy for her, though, with backlash coming from these old friends and classmates because of how girly she was trying to become. The idea of being a tomboy was something Airi started to consider a bad thing, a gross thing. During her Colourful Festival side-story, To You Who Yearns To Be an Idol, amidst a conversation with her younger self Airi calls the little girl a tomboy, something that makes the younger Airi immediately deflate and shy away from the conversation. It upset her to be called that, especially by an idol, something she wants to become. Which leads to the younger Airi talking about how she's been treated by her peers for changing the way she dresses and not playing the same way she used to, for changing the way she talks, with her being talked to like she's doing something horrible and wrong for simply chasing a dream of who she wants to be. And in this conversation, Airi says a particular line that changed everything for me:

This is said in response to Little Airi's repeating of what the boys in her class call her as she wears cuter, girly clothes. That she's some big, mean monster who shouldn't wear things like that, who could never become an idol. Effectively telling her that she could never be a girl because of the way she used to behave. She started as someone rough, someone harsh and dirty, that's not something she should—not something she could—change. Something we see in present day that she's largely internalised through her struggles with what it means to be an idol, her struggles with calling herself an idol.

For Airi, being an Idol and being a Girl have become synonymous with each other. Her ability to be an idol, to draw that attention, have a smile that sparkles on stage and in front of the camera, spread hope and joy to other people; this part of her identity has grown beyond her job, it's who she is as an individual. Being Momoi Airi, the second year Miyajo student, is inseparable from Momoi Airi, the ex-QT member and now member of MORE MORE JUMP! And if she can't be the image of an idol that exists in her head, that she's always viewed idols to be, that Haruka and Shizuku manage to embody, that Minori is becoming, then can Airi even really call herself as much of a person, of a woman, as them?

Airi's been in this constant uphill battle where she believes she doesn't sparkle as much as the other idols around her, so she puts more effort into learning how to make herself sparkle, but manages to convince herself that because she struggles with this, she's less of an idol than those very peers. It's in large part what Ice Drop is about, Airi's difficulty finding satisfaction with her work as an idol because it doesn't shape up to her own expectations and beliefs of what an idol "should be", because it doesn't match what she sees other idols she looks up to, like Shizuku, doing. Something also portrayed during Airi's conversation with Shizuku in Chasing the Radiance Beyond the Blue Sky, where she outright tells Shizuku that because she doesn't have the same physical appeal she has to fight harder and use different strategies to get any attention as an idol. And if Shizuku is the "perfect idol", and Airi will never be able to achieve that, can she even call herself an idol?

If she can't call herself an idol, does she even deserve to call herself a girl? Or are the harsh words of her grade school classmates right about whether she should be wearing the cutesy clothes?

A large part of Airi's struggle with this, why it's even a spiral in the first place, ties into her nature as a Solid Heart student as well as why I see so much of myself and my transfemme journey in Airi's story. It doesn't matter how many people tell you that you're enough and that you've done what you set out to do, not if every thought in your head is telling you they're wrong. According to everyone I know, I pass really well as a girl. My voice is naturally feminine, even without masking it very hard, I've basically never been misgendered since growing my hair out by strangers looking at me, I've even been told by close friends that they'll forget I'm trans because I'm just "one of the girls" to so many of them. And I appreciate all of it, so much; I'm very lucky to have had such a smooth social transition. But none of that changes who I see in the mirror, who I hear when I talk, what I feel when I wake up in the morning forced to acknowledge my body. I'll never be a "real girl", not until I fix these things, and it's entirely possible that it's impossible to truly get rid of this feeling.

That's what Airi feels regarding her identity as an idol. Everyone in the world could tell her how good an idol she is, how much hope she spread as Happy Everyday, how beautiful and bright her smile is. But that will never replace or fully mask the doubt in the back of her head about whether she's really an idol, because nothing that she used to do aligns with what she's always seen idols to be, so much of what she does today is so different from the reality of her dreams. She's not that idol, so is she even an idol at all? I'm not that girl, so am I even a girl at all? Obviously I am, and obviously she is, but it's a feeling of doubt that never goes away.

Airi needs to constantly be an idol, or she's not an idol at all. And, at least to me, this has come to mean to Airi that if she's not an idol, she's not a girl. Because all of the work she put into being cute and girly was to be an idol. If she can't accomplish that, does she even deserve to be a girl at all? Or is she just a fraud wearing a mask trying to make people laugh on TV?

#pjsk #project sekai #airi momoi #character analysis #transgender #i have so much more to say #but it's getting late and this feels like a good stopping point #i'll probably add more when she invades my brain again #momoi airi......

[bitethedevil]

I think that Raphael could be able to take over the Nine Hells.

“Raphael is biting over more than he can chew with his plans to take over the Nine Hells.”

“If the Crown of Karsus was so powerful why wouldn’t Mephistopheles have already used it?”

*Puts on my tinfoil hat* shhhh, come here…hear me out.

If you’ve read the Annals of Karsus, we know that there are three artifacts that are known as “The Regalia of Karsus”. There is the Crown, the Orb, and the Scepter and they are ‘the physical embodiments of Karsus’s wizardry’. Each of the three artifacts have their own power and purpose (this is directly quoted from the Annals of Karsus):

“The Crown of Karsus: to attract and absorb magical knowledge and give the wearer dominion over himself so that he remains his own entity apart from the Weave.

The Orb of Karsus: a storage device or battery that condenses mystic power, ever-gathering so that it must be syphoned at intervals of its excess.

The Sceptre of Karsus: an instrument of projection, a focusing utensil for the precise wielding of unimaginably vast forces.”

We know where the Crown has been: In Mephistopheles archive and later stolen by the Chosen Three.

The Orb?: Sounds a lot like what Gale deals with, but from what I can read, people disagree about whether that is the Orb of Karsus.

The Scepter of Karsus, though, is heavily hinted at to be owned by Raphael. I don’t have the exact quotes, but if someone does feel free to share them. The archivist says something about a scepter that is like the crown being in the collection and I believe Helsik talks about Raphael collecting Karsite artifacts.

If Raphael DOES own the Scepter of Karsus, it makes even more sense why he is so pissed at papa Meph. He owns an incredibly powerful magical artifact of ‘unimaginably vast forces’, but he isn’t able to actually use it and wield it because Mystra would stop him in a heartbeat. He needs the Crown to separate himself from the Weave to actually use it.

Let’s quickly talk about another Scepter from Netheril: “The Scepter of the Sorcerer Kings”. Its purpose was to strip the power of gods and banishing their influence from Netheril, but the guy (not Karsus, some other really powerful wizard) never completed it because the Netherese gods stopped him. The scepter, however, could not harm deities that had magic within their control (such as Mystra). But we can all agree that this all sounds very similar to the exact same thing that Karsus would attempt years later? The Scepter of Karsus and the rest of the Regalia of Karsus was even more powerful than The Scepter of the Sorcerer Kings since it could not only steal the power of Mystryl but also transfer it to the wielder.

Let’s go back to the Hells. Mephistopheles keeps the Crown in his vault and doesn’t use it for a millennium. Why? We have established that the Crown absorbs and attracts magical knowledge, and it also separates the wielder from the Weave. The Crown in itself seems powerful, but as many have also said about Raphael, it hardly seems enough to take down Asmodeus in itself.

What if…*adjusts my tinfoil hat* What if the Netherese truly learned nothing and history repeats itself as always, and it is in fact these mentioned ‘unimaginably vast forces’ of the Scepter that is the key to overthrow gods and steal their powers, and not the only Crown. The Crown simply assures that the wearer’s magic is out of reach from Mystra so they can do whatever they want, and it grants knowledge. Meaning, if Raphael has at least both the Scepter and the Crown, he could steal Asmodeus’s powers and go through with what his father could not achieve because his mischievous little son has been holding onto Scepter that is necessary to even wield and project those powers. He would become be the ruler of the Nine and gods know what else. It's not entirely out of the question that he might even have the Orb as well, seeing as we aren't really sure if Gale's Orb is the Orb.

Again, the Crown absorbs and attracts magical knowledge and it’s the key too using all of this naughty magic that Mystra doesn’t want you to mess with, but it does not seem like it actually gives you a whole lot of powers. It essentially just makes you know about it. What if the truly nasty stuff lies in the Scepter? It seems at the very least that the Scepter is necessary to truly harness and project the powers of the rest of the Regalia with any sort of precision.

(If you have any additions or corrections to my insane ramblings, feel absolutely free to add them and I’d love to read them)

#raphael the cambion #raphael bg3 #bg3 raphael #bg3 #baldur's gate 3 #writing

[bebeyeyo]

i love everything you do. | 이바다

genre: fluff

pairing: bada lee x fem!reader

setting: highschool au

content warnings: bullying, mentions of bruises and blood, ableism

disclaimer: reader is blind; and this has been in my drafts for too long. enjoy </3

the feeling of being on cloud nine was always there whenever you were with bada.

you’ve always heard she was such a sweetheart with everyone, and this included you.

especially with you.

she treated you like a fragile being; one that deserves nothing but the best, even when you both had become the best of friends.

her acts of service had always been present, such as giving you her arm for whenever you’re both walking together. this includes for whenever you had to go down the steps of the school.

you’d always reassure her that you can do it by yourself, but she’d always insist.

or holding your things for you. even walking you home.

she wants to make sure you get home safely, but also gave her an excuse to be with you more often.

beginning the next stage of your friendship was the icing on the cake. you had a nervous and dorky bada asking you out with a bouquet of flowers.

of course, you said yes.

another reason you felt so happy with bada: she had never once judged you for the fact you had a visual impairment.

she never once tried to bring it into conversation or ask any questions, though you wouldn’t have minded.

bada treated you like a normal human being.

except, some others only saw you as “different” and decided to make you their target.

your biggest bully yet was im nayeon.

you had never understood as to why she loved picking on you so much, but you’ve always had to endure it alone.

bada didn’t like this one bit.

you stood at your locker putting in your combination for your locker when you felt someone shove you, making you things fall from your hands.

hearing the familiar laughter of nayeon, you sigh deeply out of frustration, your hands balling into fists.

“what is the reason you are picking on me again, nayeon? are you that bored or just insecure?” you ask.

she just scoffs, “how about you actually look at me when talking, you freak? you can’t even do that right.” nayeon waved her hand in front of your face.

with no hesitation, you swatted her hand out of the way which shocked nayeon and most people who were just bystanders.

the older girl didn’t like this, anger boiling in her veins.

“oh? she wants to fight back now?” you feel nayeon kick you over, causing you to land on your knees on the hard floor making you wince.

it’ll leave a bruise or two, for sure.

“cmon then, freak. fight me back!” suddenly you feel nayeon push your head into the floor, causing your ears to ring and you cry out holding your head.

everyone who was watching all stood with shocked expressions before you felt nayeon’s foot kick your stomach, as well.

you groan holding your stomach, the ringing in your ears didn’t stop.

you couldn’t register what happened, but all you heard was nayeon whispering what sounded like an “oh shit” before running off.

thankfully, two of your friends, jimin and minjeong were nearby and were quick to help you to the nurse’s office.

thankfully, the ringing in your ears had finally stopped once your parents had gotten you to the hospital.

your father? hysterical. your mother? rage.

needless to say, you explained the situation with nayeon in a very weak manner from feeling so sleepy and ill.

your mother was ready to sue nayeon and her family left and right for what they were worth.

your father considered suing them and the school all together for letting this happen to you.

you tried talking them out of it to calm them down, but you gave up when you saw your father suddenly calling the school.

plus, you just wanted to get home and rest.

but, no one was as angry as your girlfriend that day.

bada was relieved you were okay, obviously.

truthfully, she wanted to bury nayeon six feet under.

which is why she was stomping up to nayeon at her locker, bystanders all watching with eyes wide open. almost everyone of the school knew that bada was a sweetheart, but when she was angry, you didn’t want to cross her.

“the hell is your problem?” bada says with the anger bubbling in her.

nayeon turns around confused, “what’re you even talking about, bada?”

the taller girl rolls her eyes, “don’t play fucking dumb, nayeon. you sent my girlfriend to the hospital.”

nayeon only smiles and chuckles.

“oh! you mean y/n. yeah what about it?”

“you’ve got some fucking nerve making fun of a disabled person. what has y/n ever done to you? are you that insecure?”

“oh please. i’m insecure of a girl who can’t see? humor me.” nayeon shrugs it off.

bada finally snapped, “oh, really? you think it’s funny? is this funny?”

nayeon felt bada push her head, the same way nayeon had slammed your head. except, the nearest obstacle was the lockers, so bada chose with the easiest route to go.

even tho she wanted to do so much more.

she had the thought of pouring bleach into the girl’s eyes. then again, she’d definitely be put behind bars.

can’t afford that, she thought.

nayeon held her head in pain before shouting, “are you fucking crazy?!”

bada only smirks.

“maybe i am, but you’ll be more much sooner,” bada gets close in nayeon’s face, so close that they could feel each other’s breath blowing.

“i’m only going to say this once, so you better fucking listen. although, i know that’s hard for you to do. if you ever so much as look in y/n’s direction from here on out, or try anything against her, i will fucking ruin you. you forget, i know your family and their reputation. i can easily ruin yours and theirs with just a whisper.” bada threatens.

the fear in nayeon’s eyes added satisfaction to her pride.

nayeon could barely register before she felt bada shove past her.

but if nayeon wasn’t embarrassed and angry then, she totally was now.

“you brought me flowers?” you ask as you sit on the edge of your bed, smelling the lillies that bada had bought for you.

“of course. can’t i get some flowers for my lovely girl?”

“what did you do?” you instantly ask.

she pouts, “why do you assume such a thing?”

“because i can feel you did something so spit it out.” you chuckle.

“well,” she starts, “i may have had a word with nayeon…maybe pushed her head a little…into her locker.”

your jaw drops a bit, “bada!”

“okay okay, look, it’s just karma. she’s a fucking bitch and she shouldn’t be so damn ableist. i should make her blind.” she crosses her arms.

you shake your head, “bada, i appreciate you for defending me. trust me i do, but i don’t want you to get in trouble.”

“…i know.” she mumbles.

“so please, no fighting.” you take her hand and squeeze.

reluctantly, she agrees.

“and besides, how can you be there to be my knight in shining armor if you’re stuck in detention?” you ask as you put your head on her shoulder.

“hm, you’ve got a good point.” you giggle along with her.

“i love you.”

“i love you too, y/n.” she says as she kisses your forehead.

#bebeyeyo #bada lee fic #bada lee x fem!reader #bada lee x reader

[aurumacadicus]

92 or 14 maybe? 🤔

Going with 14!

--

Prince Anthony was picking his feathers out again.

Steve wordlessly set his shield aside and walked over to grab his hands, yanking them down, away from his wings. "Your highness--"

"I know!" Prince Anthony exclaimed defensively. His wrists jerked in Steve's grip, though, back toward his wings, and he wilted under Steve's stern glare. "I know," he repeated miserably.

It broke Steve's heart, but he turned to grab the picking glove, and while Prince Anthony obediently stuck his hands in so the mouth could be cinched tight around his wrists, he couldn't help but think it wasn't fair. Maybe Prince Anthony wouldn't be picking himself bald if he didn't have to choose a suitor in the next three days.

Prince Anthony had always been put off by the cock parties, as he'd called them--"cockerel balls" had always seemed to lend a layer of refinement to them that they didn't deserve, he'd said. Mostly, it was young cocks approaching and trying to impress prospective hens, and as Prince Anthony had a sizeable fortune behind him, he'd been the one most flocked to. It had made him suspicious, nervous even, of anyone's attention. Steve had watched, heart sinking with every ball, as grabby kids who barely knew what to do with a cloaca fawned all over Prince Anthony for the chance at his wing in matrimony.

It had given him nothing but a dim view on mating parties and cocks in general, which was probably why he'd gotten away with his secret for so long. He was so visibly disgusted after each cockerel ball that everyone assumed even if he was pregnant, he'd get rid of it as quickly as possible. Only when the rumors about his sudden cravings for sardines and almonds got loud enough to reach the royal court did it become necessary for Prince Anthony to undergo medical examination. And, well, when it was found to be true, that a royal hatchling was on the way, an unwed, pregnant royal was deemed a hazard to... what was it they had said? Public decency and the dignity of the crown?

Either way, it meant that another cockerel ball had been set up as quickly as possible, and Prince Anthony no longer had the choice of saying no to all comers if he wanted to keep his financial backing, even if he plucked himself bare in the meantime.

Steve watched Prince Anthony begin to pace, feeling helpless. His prince was in trouble, and he could do nothing of import to stop it. Prince Anthony looked like a caged animal as he walked up and down the carpet. He wasn't even showing yet. Was the palace hoping to get him wed immediately and lie about the hatchling being early? Someone would be bound to talk. That's what had started this mess, after all.

"I suppose," Prince Anthony began, voice halting and pained as he turned to pace in front of the window, obviously hoping the sun's rays would help him feel better. "That Lady Pepper is. Nice enough. Could pass the egg off as hers if we married."

"I suppose," Steve agreed, hoping he sounded noncommittal instead of just bitter.

"Or. Or that kind--Bruce? I think?"

"The alchemist Bruce was very kind," Steve answered with a nod.

"Or I could... I could just..." Prince Anthony stopped in front of the window, staring outside. Then, as quickly as he stopped, he turned around, eyes wide and beseeching. "Run away with me."

Steve's mouth dropped open in shock. He blinked at Prince Anthony slowly, unable to comprehend what he'd just been asked. Prince Anthony was a well-loved public figure, and while Steve was famous for his work in the war, he'd never been... someone people wanted to see running the country. In fact, if anyone ever found out that he was the one who had henned the heir apparent, he likely wouldn't be able to see him again. Prince Anthony was royalty. Steve had clawed his way up from the streets. He was only Prince Anthony's personal guard because there had been several attempts on his life, and Steve was the best at what he did.

"Run... away...?" Steve finally repeated, still not quite believing it.

"I'm just a figurehead for this stupid country," Tony spat, hope giving way to anger. "They only kept royalty on as a tradition they didn't know how to quit, as a show. I don't have any real power. And that's how they can bully me into getting married, picking a cock I don't even like all that much to be the legitimate father of my egg--So. So let's run away."

There were many reasons why Steve should say no. The country loved Prince Anthony, for one--he was only behind his late mother in terms of charity, and was quickly gaining on her record; despite the fact that he had no real power, he always did his best to influence parliament to vote in favor of the people; and the whole country had collectively swooned when a tabloid had leaked a picture of him holding a baby at the hospital with the quote 'babies need to be held' splashed under it. Steve was a nobody, come up from nothing, and most people did not have good things to say about him coming up from nothing because of the war.

Prince Anthony's gaze was steady, though, when Steve met his eyes. He was certain of his decision. That was one of the things Steve liked about him--he knew what he wanted, and if he could get it, he eagerly went through with it. And if he couldn't get it, he was a gracious loser.

"Your highness," Steve began with a sigh.

"I don't care if we're poor," Prince Anthony continued before he could voice his dissent, the determination in his voice making Steve's mouth snap shut in surprise. "You'll take care of us. And I--I have an education. I can get a job to help. You helped make this egg," he added sharply. "Are you refusing to take responsibility? And could you really just let someone else raise your chick?"

If he told himself it was for the better, to make sure the chick got everything it needed or wanted, he probably could. Prince Anthony would love it enough for the both of them, even if his new spouse only tolerated the chick. It wasn't ideal, but then, neither was getting Tony laden with egg before marriage. A marriage that couldn't happen because of who he was and who Prince Anthony had turned out to be. Steve opened his mouth to tell him in no uncertain terms that he would not be taking the spot from a more deserving rooster.

But he didn't want to. And Tony was clearly showing he didn't want to either. So he looked up at Tony and nodded sharply. "Alright, Tony."

"Tony," he repeated in a whisper, shocked. Steve only ever called him that in bed; he needed the separation of work and intimacy, and it helped to remind Tony, too, that he couldn't reach out and touch whenever he wanted. Steve watched as Tony's mouth spread into a wide smile as he lunged toward him, hooking his bound hands behind Steve's neck and pulling him down for an overjoyed kiss just bordering on desperation. Apparently, eschewing his proper name was all the real confirmation he needed of Steve's feelings.

Steve threw his wings up in a mating display just to make sure there was no misunderstanding.

#aurumacadicus answers #sunnysideprincess #1-161 stony ficlet challenge #stony

[makethemhoesmad]

loml

no comment

—

“i love you, i love you, you’re the fucking love of my life baby, you’re perfect, wanna be with you forever,” paige says to me, kissing my neck while we lay naked in her bed. she never really says this stuff, only after we’ve fucked and she’s itching to go another round. i always cave. “mhmmm, paigey, i love you, please touch me,” she touches me, does what i want, then holds me close to her naked body and falls asleep, mumbling how she’ll never leave. I fall asleep, because she’s a warm body and i love her. she’s the love of my life.

I jolt up from a dream. a dream of a baby with two moms, one blond and one with my face. it wasn’t real, it never is, but after dreams like this it makes me hurt on the inside. i turn over to muffle the silent sniffs that always come from the empty feeling dreams like this leave behind. the body next to me moves, and a cool hand comes up to brush my cheek.

“baby.”

“paige.”

“what’s wrong? did i do something? can i help?”

i sniff, then curl against her, expressing, “i need a baby.”

she looks at me for a moment, perplexed, then kisses my forehead.

“you’re so tired darling, go back to bed”

hm.

paige gets back from practice at normal time, but she isn’t acting as normal as she usually does. normally she’s excitable and tells me all about the shots she made, the plays she set, everything. today she’s just here. my phone lights up, with a text from ashlynn shade of all people. i rarely talk to her. i go to the bathroom to open it, because maybe paige shouldn’t read it.

i read the first message and sink to the floor, back pressed to the wall.

ash shade

hey. i think you should know that paige keeps saying…things about you. 

what kind of things???

ash shade

well, she talks about how you’re always going on about wanting to settle down, get married, have kids. and she said that “you’re the love of her life. she just doesn’t want that. not now, not ever”

paige gets over her mood later, and we do our usual dance around the obvious issues. she pretends not to notice my faked enthusiasm, and i pretend not to notice the fact that she never once tells me i’m the love of her life. when she falls asleep, i don’t. i wonder when she’ll break up with me. it has to happen soon, there’s no chance it won’t. i’m taken back to the first conversation we had, where she told me that if sex with me was half as good as talking to me was, then soon enough we’d be pushing strollers. but i guess that’s over.

“cmon bro, don’t fucking be like that,” paige taunts me, rolling her eyes at my words.

“don’t you dare bro me, paige. i have a right to be fucking mad, you’re shit talking me to your teammates then coming home and banging me like i’m some one night stand! how about you stop being like this,” i scoff, spitting venom at her words.

“well bro, if you need to know because you’re so insecure that you can’t stand someone saying anything about you, the team asked how we were doing and i told them we wanted different things. fair enough.”

“if we want different things, there’s no point in staying together when we both know where this is going to end.”

“Fine. fuck you and fuck your rings and your cradles.”

“Fuck you,” i say, finalizing what had been brewing since we turned on the fire.

paige leaves, slamming the door and shouting profanities. i lock the door, turn around, and stand in our my bedroom. her hoodie is on the floor. her hoodie is in my arms. she’s the loss of my life.

#paige bueckers #paige bueckers x reader #angst #haha

[glovehearts]

I'm not even a Leafs fan (or a Marner girlie! I like him fine but he isn't one of my main little guys!) but I've noticed how he's been treated by the fanbase, the media, the coaches (looking at you Babcock) for years and been absolutely appalled by it. I do think there's a strong element of misogyny underlying it all (and probably some homophobia), you're right and you should say it and I want to read that essay.

it's honestly ridiculous, and it's the same criticism that gets aimed at any hockey player who is smaller than average, except it's magnified due to it being the leafs and being toronto. he's always been treated this way, like people try to rewrite history and say they were fine with him before the contract but it's not true. babcock didn't even WANT HIM DRAFTED, but thankfully he wasn't the one making those decisions.

it got worse after the contract, but my thing is always that people don't realise where he was at at that time. he was still a rookie, under team control, and facing down years of being coached by babcock. babcock's contract only expired at the start of THIS SEASON. which means a young mitch was facing seeing a large portion of his career being coached by a man who didn't like him, wouldn't put him and auston on the same line, would take any opportunity to humiliate players he thought weren't good enough, like... I would've held out for the money as well.

the language people use for mitch is absolutely coached in homophobia as well, which comes all the way back to misogyny, because the worst thing these men who hate him can think of is being perceived as feminine. as weak. as less than a man in all the stereotypical ways. they'll throw homophobic comments at auston and willy as well, but they don't go full tilt misogyny because those two dudes are bigger, not as smiley, and they don't see them as being weak in the same way they see mitch. (which is wild because auston is the softest man in the world (affectionate))

these men see mitch as being weak, small, and too soft. they don't see the kid who fought his way to playing professional hockey despite being told at every turn he was too small. they don't see the kid with the lifelong passion for the leafs. the kid who always wanted to wear the logo on his chest and still wants that more than anything DESPITE all the criticism and hatred he faces. they don't see the kid who had to tell his dad to stop talking to him about hockey because he knew he'd never be good enough for him. they don't see that mitch is, actually, one of the strongest hockey players in the nhl for all he's been through to get to where he is.

they like to blame the contract and how much he's being paid, but that's an excuse. they hate him for not playing into the stereotype of a hockey player, despite being an ontario boy through and through. they hate him for being him, and staying faithful to who he is despite everything that has been thrown at him.

it would've been so easy for mitch to give in and become the person they all want him to be, but he didn't. he stayed true to himself and his kind and loving nature, and the fact that so many people don't appreciate that and would rather smear him, says more about them than it does about him.

#i didn't mean to write this much oh well #mitch marner #toronto maple leafs #i had some feelings #k answers

[bb-olicity]

On An Island Alone

It’s been 3 weeks since Chenford’s breakup and I feel like I’m on an island… alone.  The day after 6x06 aired, I made the decision to walk away from The Rookie. Well, at least until after the finale. I’ll decide if I'm walking away permanently once I check online and see how the season ended.  And before I go any further, to anyone who wants to say I'm not a true Rookie and (most importantly) Chenford fan: I have just as much right to stop watching the show as you do to keep watching it.

So why am I choosing to no longer watch the show?

The main reason I started watching the show in the first place is/was Chenford and I can’t sit there and watch them redo Seasons 4 and 5A and I won’t. Especially considering the fact we already know from Eric’s comments to TVLine they’re not getting back together by the end of the season finale.  I do not see them getting back together until at least the midseason finale next season.  Actually, if I’m being completely honest, I’m not sure they will get back together or if they even should.  I know me saying that will make a lot of people mad, but after reading Melissa and Eric’s post-episode interviews, I got a sense of finality when they were talking about Tim and Lucy’s relationship as a couple and the breakup.  Plus, I honestly don’t see how they can come back from what they did, which leads into the other reason why I’m not watching anymore.

Tim’s whole storyline rubs me the wrong way in so many ways.  They could’ve brought in his military past in so many other ways and still had him struggle without destroying his character in the process.  As it is, the storyline feels extremely forced just to cause drama for the sake of drama and, for me, irredeemably destroyed Tim’s character.  They completely erased 5 ½ seasons of character growth in the matter of only 1 ½ episodes.  And I'll never be able to see Tim the same way again, even if he goes to therapy.  I personally would never be able to trust him again and I honestly don’t see how Lucy could either.  That’s also why part of me feels like they should not get back together. Yes, I know it’s a short season and everything is condensed, but Alexi and the writers should not have done the storyline this late in the season, knowing they would not be able to do it justice with only 4 episodes left and not knowing the show’s fate by the time they finished filming the finale.  Since they were planning to break them up, I feel like they should’ve done it at the end of the premiere or by 6x03. That way there would’ve been time for Tim and Lucy to work through their struggles individually then work them as a couple by the end of the season.

Why do I feel like I’m on an island alone?

After the episode aired, a lot of the fandom was angry and a good number said they were done to show.  However, over the last few weeks, I’ve noticed that number dwindling and a lot fans are now justifying the breakup who weren’t before and they have absolutely every right to.  I can see where they’re coming from, to a certain extent.  Tim and Lucy both were hiding things from each other since they started dating and would just gloss over things that needed deep and meaningful conversations to work them out.  That said, I personally will never agree with the breakup or the whole (Tim’s) storyline and will always maintain the breakup was completely unnecessary and they could’ve (and should’ve) stayed together and worked through their struggles as a couple.  So yeah, I’m on an island alone… and that’s okay.

#The Rookie #The Rookie Season 6 #The Rookie 6x06 #Secrets and Lies #Chenford #Chenford Breakup #Breakup #Lucy Chen #Tim Bradford

[compassionatereminders]

I'm 26 and I left my job were co-workers and boss were pretty much bullies. I worked split shifts (example from 7 am - 11 am then from 2 pm - 6 pm). Other times I mostly worked from 1 pm till 9 pm. I almost never got morning shifts so I could work from 6 am till 2 pm. I worked 6 days per week. I don't have a drivers license or a car so waiting for the bus took me a lot of time as well. If I finished at 11 am I was home at noon, I cooked something, cleaned up, took a shower and went to work again so I'd be there at 2 pm.

Mentally I was so unwell and I was exhausted since. And I feel like I deserve better than being exhausted, sad and depressed. I put all my energy to work I had none for me. I stopped seeing friends, I had zero energy.

And I feel like it's bizarre how people think you should be GRATEFUL to have work, no matter what kind, no matter if you are miserable. Am I crazy to think it's better to be jobless than being miserable 24/7?

1 free day I had off I still had zero energy. Mostly I was sleeping, napping or watching some kind of tv show and I was stressed all day like a kid that tomorrow I have to go to work again. You know like that kid that no one likes at school and the kid keep thinking the whole weekend "oh no it's going to be Monday soon".

People think I should be ashamed I left work, because they think I'm a lazy bum now (I live with my parents still we have a house but I have savings and I don't live there for free) but I don't feel ashamed. My parents kinda support me with my decision because they see how stressed I was.

But I feel society in general think you should be grateful that work is depressing/stressing/killing you.

I just wanted to say this because you reblogged how everyone deserve to eat & have roof over their head. Because I agree with that post and I just wanted to add how toxic our world is.

I'm sick when I see people preaching how people should be grateful for minimum wage.

Politicians steal millions, destroying their own people with bad decisions etc. but people only focus on other people because they don't want to be miserable as them. And instead of wanting better work hours/better work environment they would rather bad talk about others.

I don't think you have to grateful to work a stressful and unfulfilling job in a toxic environment. And I think people who are unsatisfied with their jobs have the right to talk about that without being judged and shamed. That being said, in a society where most of the stuff you need to maintain your existence is tied to your ability to work, it IS in fact a privilege to be able to work OR to be able to safely be unemployed. And this is also important to acknowledge in discussions about toxic work culture

#chat with kat #bullying tw

[uncanny-tranny]

Can we all collectively start to view parents who post online about the "fuck-ups" their child did as what it is - abusive? I genuinely do not care about the "reason" somebody has for posting their child on the internet, if it can be "solved" in the public court of shame and humiliation, it can be solved in a home that should love them.

Public humiliation is not an appropriate response to a child being a child. If your first line of defense is airing out your dirty laundry to millions of strangers, you are at best not mature enough to be a parent, and at worst, you are completely abusive and should not be a parent, and both options are pretty grim.

#abuse #abuse tw #youth liberation #saw somebody say that the most evil people they know are parents and... yeah. no fucking wonder that person said that #i'm sorry i get that being a parent is hard. i think it is an amazing feat in fact. #but i have so much scorn for parents who decide to leave the parenting to bullies and directly put their children in harm's way #NOWHERE in parenting does it require you to stop parenting and instead go 'well let's have billy bob bully you into submission' #NOWHERE in parenting does it say it's appropriate to gain clout off your kid making kid-level fuck-ups #start treating your children like human beings or i'm going to start biting #if you ever want to know what it's like to be a parent and have your kid block your number and never talk to you - come speak with me #i was the kid who blocked my abusive parent's number completely. i never speak to them. i do not have a nice thing to say to them. #if you would like that to be your future then you are not in the headspace to be a parent #kid's fuck-ups are typically significantly less of a fuck-up than what some of y'all adults do as a fuck-up #so it's like... gain some perspective about what the cost is and what the 'reward' is

[strawbubbysugar]

oh i see the ref of arche hehe he looks amaziiing and oh i love the little detail that his little moon hoop above his head changes colour to his moods... oh so im guessing its very much dark blue right now when he switches.. i see that angry face ref hehe i love how intresting his detail is ^.^

Ehehehe tysm!! :DDD Im still trying to decide how I want their merged form to look.. Ive got this idea rn where elio's rays make up his halo, or where his halo is broken so it looks like horns?? I cant decide! SOB

#ask #project #elio #arche #the fact that people like them and are talking about them will never stop being absolutely mindblowing to me

[8rujaa]

to anyone dealing with ptsd, has there been anything that has helped relieve some of the symptoms?

#im emotionally stuck due to the constant reliving of what happened #i get these weirdly intense flashbacks where i can remember the how the fabric of the couch looked like up close #and how they felt. and how everything looked. the way the colored lights hit the room a certain way #i think i did myself a disservice by thinking i was soooo in love that i didn’t want to forget any details lmao #now i can remember everything like a photograph and sometimes i find myself back in my old apartment and the fear floods my chest #and i can’t breathe and my stomach starts turning it’s terrible. i really felt like i was in hell #i stopped smoking ouid 3 weeks ago bc whenever these flashbacks would happen the high would make them HD and it would send me into a loop #but now i think weed was the thing keeping me above water… it’s been a rough 3 weeks. but before i start smoking again #i wanted to ask if anyone found something else that made it a little easier #it’s been months since our break up and i really want to move on. i’ve tried to meet other people but i’m terrified of men #and i find myself unable to connect with anyone… #i’ve been physically better which i am so grateful for because being unhealthy was my biggest reason i was so depressed #i’ve been doing therapy but i talk about the same thing with her every week. i’m tired of it #i think i’m still in disbelief that they did that to me. i never thought they’d be capable of hurting someone so badly. #i can’t get over the fact that he r***** me for months while i was disabled and pretended not to know what he was doing was bad #i realized he knew when he tried to make it look like i was crazy. that made me really sad. i think i was hoping he was clueless so #i could still believe he was a good person… or at least the man i fell in love with. i was willing to forgive him once he apologized… #when he tried to make it seem like i was going insane the blindfold came off and i saw him for who he really was #like no wonder i was so scared of u dude… no wonder i kept having panic attacks anytime we were together and i couldn’t sleep next to u #i’ve been afraid to admit that shit broke me as a person. i don’t think i’ll ever be the same. i can’t function. #plus knowing i stayed for her bc i was worried for her and didn’t want her to experience the same thing without someone there bc i realized #how good he was at gaslighting and lying. only to find out she was waiting for an excuse to get rid of me… she wanted me gone… #i went thru all that for nothing… #and i still don’t understand why each time i tried to leave for my own good- to get medical help and support they begged me to stay!!! why #brain vomit

[youremyonlyhope]

why won't my brain shut up why won't my brain shut up why won't my brain shut up why won't my brain shut up

#i'm overthinking something that i did and was told off for doing by my director #and on my way home i was thinking when was the last time i was even talked to like that during a production #and then i remembered the costume experience from hell of only a couple months ago that i've already began blocking out #but the thing is that that person was someone i knew i'd never have to work with again #i mean at first i thought i would have to work with them more. then they announced they were moving away immediately #so i only had to deal with them face to face for another weekish after that point and anytime they yelled at me #i was like 'cool. i'll do exactly what you say to do. and nothing more.' but then of course me being me #i did some extra stuff and they initially were like 'oh that's pretty' and then days later told me to cut everything i added #and like sure i get that the show was frozen but girl. that costume was unfinished. i was trying to finish it. it was frozen but looked bad #anyway. whenever they yelled at me and had actual malice in their heart i was like whatever. i was hurt. but i didn't care as much. #but this time it's someone i've worked with many many times before and it was about a habit i have that i know isn't great #but at the same time the thing that prompted it wasn't even me doing this habit it was something else #but she interpreted it as that habit and said that i can't do that on a production she's directing #and that if i couldn't stop then i could pull out from the production and there'd be no hard feelings between us #and honestly i think her reassuring that she knows i'm valuable and that she wants me there while also telling me not to do this thing #and the fact that she's someone i like working with and will continue to work with just made it all hurt so much more #especially since she referenced another past production we've done where i didn't even realize she had noticed that i do this. #and i found myself in near tears. and still am kind of in near tears. i can't decide if i need to cry or not. #and i had NO sleep last night so i was looking forward to sleeping tonight but now i'm just overthinking EVERYTHING #and like. i know everything will be fine. if i just stop inserting myself and stick to just my specific tasks. it'll be fine. #but this is one of the ways my ocd manifests. i feel like i have to personally fix something i notice going wrong. or it'll be bad. #because every single time i choose to sit back and not be nosy when i notice something it ends up bad in a way i could have prevented #if i just inserted myself in a situation i technically wasn't part of but knew i could help or fix. so i just need to not do that. #but then i feel guilt if it does go wrong in the ways i immediately assumed it would and in a way i could prevent. #and i've been trying to work on this for like 6 months and aaaahhhh it's hard and being called out on it from her just really really hurt #i still may or may not cry. i don't know. the irony of me telling my therapist THIS MORNING that it's been a while since i last cried. #and the universe being like 'i took that as a challenge' and handing me this situation for me to spiral over. #i need to leave things alone. i need to stare straight ahead. and ignore whatever isn't specifically for me to do. but ahhh i want to help #and then of course my mom has this same habit and it annoys me when she does it yet i do it to other people and ahhhhhhhh #brain please just shut up. i need to sleep. i have to work tomorrow.